1
00:00:01,123 --> 00:00:04,891
After pursuing my degree in history,
I'll go ahead

2
00:00:04,989 --> 00:00:08,598
and get a minor in major muff-munching.

3
00:00:08,697 --> 00:00:11,419
You're not listening to anything
I'm saying, are you?

4
00:00:11,516 --> 00:00:16,768
Not a word,
Mr. Minor-in-Major-Muff-Munching.

5
00:00:17,411 --> 00:00:20,674
- FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Chicken or fish?
- Yes, I'll have the chicken, please.

6
00:00:21,023 --> 00:00:22,535
Enjoy your meal.

7
00:00:23,622 --> 00:00:26,084
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.

8
00:00:26,283 --> 00:00:27,515
All right.

9
00:00:27,614 --> 00:00:29,537
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Chicken or fish?
MAN: Chicken.

10
00:00:30,974 --> 00:00:32,366
- Excuse me.
- Yes?

11
00:00:32,462 --> 00:00:35,056
Is that Madame Mandira's Homemade
Bombay Hot Sauce?

12
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,511
No way, you know it?

13
00:00:37,025 --> 00:00:39,995
Habanero and cayenne peppers mixed
with lime juice, vinegar, onions and salt.

14
00:00:40,099 --> 00:00:41,774
From the great Calcutta Salt Lake?

15
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,448
Would you like some?

16
00:00:46,151 --> 00:00:47,285
Sorry. I'm so clumsy.

17
00:00:48,212 --> 00:00:49,476
(MOANING)

18
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:59,395
Sorry. I have this thing for spices.

19
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,018
(STAMMERING) You have "a thing"?

20
00:01:04,309 --> 00:01:05,315
Well...

21
00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:14,543
You want some of this, don't you,
you dirty little whore?

22
00:01:19,519 --> 00:01:20,437
Come and get it.

23
00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:32,778
Don't stop.

24
00:01:34,536 --> 00:01:35,589
Don't stop.

25
00:01:37,157 --> 00:01:40,047
- I said, "Don't stop."
- Okay, okay.

26
00:01:41,388 --> 00:01:45,136
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
You like hot sauce on your kebabs, cookie?

27
00:01:46,795 --> 00:01:49,110
Oh, that's hot. Oh, that's hot.

28
00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,403
Oh, that's actually...

29
00:01:51,683 --> 00:01:54,154
(SCREAMING)

30
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,148
Timed by
S A D E L    A N W A R
sadel_anwar@yahoo.com

31
00:01:58,168 --> 00:02:01,298
(BOYS WILL BE BOYS PLAYING)

32
00:02:34,615 --> 00:02:36,435
Smell that, Balzac?

33
00:02:47,454 --> 00:02:50,144
That is the aroma of higher education.

34
00:02:37,415 --> 00:02:45,314
The aroma of young minds
absorbing knowledge. The aromas...

35
00:02:45,728 --> 00:02:46,704
Yes.

36
00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:49,009
The aroma of that, too.

37
00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:52,336
Let us make haste, my friend,

38
00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:55,349
to the fraternal house
where my family name became legend.

39
00:02:55,836 --> 00:02:56,599
Come on.

40
00:02:57,947 --> 00:03:03,833
(BOYS WILL BE BOYS
CONTINUES PLAYING)

41
00:03:17,505 --> 00:03:19,392
"May driving on the wrong side
of the road,

42
00:03:19,623 --> 00:03:21,187
"lead you down the right path.

43
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:23,183
"Write that down. Van."

44
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,314
Well, well, well. What do we have here?

45
00:03:52,704 --> 00:03:54,100
- Percy?
- 2:30...

46
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,381
Taj Mahal

47
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,051
Badalandabad.

48
00:04:01,087 --> 00:04:01,797
Wow.

49
00:04:03,049 --> 00:04:05,586
It's even more magnificent
than I imagined it.

50
00:04:07,654 --> 00:04:10,573
- Welcome to the house of Fox and Hounds.
- Welcome to the house of Fox and Hounds.

51
00:04:29,698 --> 00:04:31,352
Good afternoon.

52
00:04:31,908 --> 00:04:34,236
Pip Everett, Earl of Grey. How do you do?

53
00:04:34,704 --> 00:04:36,248
I do very well, thank you.

54
00:04:36,718 --> 00:04:38,908
Splendid. How may we help you?

55
00:04:39,175 --> 00:04:42,526
My name is Taj Mahal Badalandabad,
your newest and proudest member.

56
00:04:42,726 --> 00:04:44,317
Fantastic. Fantastic.

57
00:04:44,854 --> 00:04:46,614
- Come and meet the guys.
- Sure.

58
00:04:48,114 --> 00:04:49,188
This is incredible.

59
00:04:49,397 --> 00:04:52,149
The oldest and finest fraternal guild
in all of England.

60
00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:54,778
You know, I've been dreaming of this day
since I was a boy.

61
00:04:55,016 --> 00:04:56,046
- Champagne?
- Thank you.

62
00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:59,108
Since my father, Dilip,
who was known by his fellow Hounds

63
00:04:59,322 --> 00:05:01,534
as the Womb Broom Badalandabad,

64
00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:02,362
(MEN LAUGHING)

65
00:05:02,585 --> 00:05:05,489
would tell me stories about his time here
during the swinging '60s.

66
00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:13,367
(GIRLS SCREAMING)

67
00:05:13,966 --> 00:05:17,371
Quiet. Quiet, quiet, please.

68
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:20,018
Now, it has been enjoyable

69
00:05:20,802 --> 00:05:22,516
shagging all of you groovy chicks.

70
00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:26,704
But the further spreading
of my baby gravy

71
00:05:27,322 --> 00:05:27,884
will have to wait.

72
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:29,908
(GIRLS SCREAMING)

73
00:05:30,411 --> 00:05:31,716
Good show. Good show.

74
00:05:32,049 --> 00:05:33,490
And we're equally excited
to have you as one of our members.

75
00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:34,430
Welcome.

76
00:05:34,993 --> 00:05:36,218
Ladies, perhaps you could show

77
00:05:36,408 --> 00:05:39,184
Sir Womb Broom the Second
to his new room.

78
00:05:39,434 --> 00:05:40,427
- Our pleasure.
- Our pleasure.

79
00:05:40,786 --> 00:05:42,038
Thank you, ladies.

80
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:48,312
You know,
something about you reminds me of you.

81
00:05:48,559 --> 00:05:49,485
Why?

82
00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:51,284
- PIP: Mr. Badalandabad?
- Yes?

83
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,251
- Might I see your acceptance letter?
- Sure.

84
00:05:57,868 --> 00:05:58,429
Thank you.

85
00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:01,715
Usually put them
in the scrapbook or something?

86
00:06:02,739 --> 00:06:03,497
No. Not usually.

87
00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:05,933
- Oh, dear.
- What's wrong?

88
00:06:06,315 --> 00:06:07,454
This is very awkward.

89
00:06:08,104 --> 00:06:09,548
There seems to have been
a terrible mistake.

90
00:06:10,919 --> 00:06:12,369
Typographical, you see.

91
00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:15,402
This letter's supposed to say
that you've not been accepted.

92
00:06:16,257 --> 00:06:17,915
- What?
- I'm very sorry.

93
00:06:18,373 --> 00:06:20,337
But please do pop in any time
and say hello.

94
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,413
But my father went here. I'm a legacy.

95
00:06:22,905 --> 00:06:24,194
Where else would you expect me to go?

96
00:06:24,394 --> 00:06:26,093
Well, I do see your quandary, old boy.

97
00:06:26,382 --> 00:06:30,059
I do know of one opportunity,
but it's only eligible for dongs.

98
00:06:30,421 --> 00:06:31,854
Perhaps they'll consider a Taj.

99
00:06:32,094 --> 00:06:35,556
Dongs are what you Americans
so eloquently call teaching assistants.

100
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,800
Yes. Well, I am a teaching assistant.

101
00:06:38,081 --> 00:06:39,667
Yes. Here it is.

102
00:06:40,076 --> 00:06:42,213
- What is it?
- You'd be a head of house of sorts,

103
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,529
for a very elite group of students
in a dwelling called the Barn.

104
00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:47,278
- The Barn?
- An architectural wonder.

105
00:06:47,489 --> 00:06:49,183
- The Barn?
- One of the oldest buildings on campus.

106
00:06:49,359 --> 00:06:49,879
- Is it red?
- No.

107
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,732
- Then it's not a barn.
- Yes, but it's steeped in history.

108
00:06:53,292 --> 00:06:54,518
Good luck, then.

109
00:06:56,422 --> 00:06:57,953
You, too.

110
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:01,554
Come on, Balzac. �ndale.

111
00:07:08,005 --> 00:07:09,441
Christ, he's got monkey nuts.

112
00:07:10,152 --> 00:07:12,009
- Did you see his face?
- The Barn?

113
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,659
I do believe that was the best one yet.

114
00:07:14,532 --> 00:07:15,977
- You were wonderful.
- That was a classic, Pip.

115
00:07:16,194 --> 00:07:18,104
- Brilliant.
- Don't you boys ever get tired

116
00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:20,555
of playing that same
crass, demeaning joke?

117
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,804
- No.
- No.

118
00:07:24,038 --> 00:07:27,811
Another jolly good show.
I must say, it is so much fun being me.

119
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:28,773
Is that...

120
00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:30,135
(SQUISHING)

121
00:07:31,487 --> 00:07:33,336
Could someone please get me
some Tidy Wipes?

122
00:07:34,102 --> 00:07:41,108
(GET UP, GET ON PLAYING)

123
00:08:19,694 --> 00:08:22,601
Well, Balzac, as Mr. Van Wilder would say,

124
00:08:22,822 --> 00:08:25,286
it's not the building that matters,
it's the people inside.

125
00:08:27,888 --> 00:08:28,954
Come on.

126
00:08:43,709 --> 00:08:47,329
Excuse me.
I'm looking for the Barn residence hall.

127
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,229
- The Barn.
- Piss off.

128
00:08:50,309 --> 00:08:51,670
Pin-headed squirrelly-looking bastard.

129
00:08:52,026 --> 00:08:56,035
Sorry for the intrusion, you hairy-arsed
dipso Paddy headbanger.

130
00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:59,655
Hey, you're speaking the local lingo
right and proper.

131
00:09:02,013 --> 00:09:04,062
- Hi.
- Hi, you look funny.

132
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,426
- I'm Gethin.
- Hi, Gethin, I'm Taj,

133
00:09:06,605 --> 00:09:07,850
your new resident advisor.

134
00:09:09,110 --> 00:09:13,066
Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
The house is such a mess.

135
00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:14,027
I feel so ashamed.

136
00:09:14,519 --> 00:09:16,819
Please stop.
Don't call me sir and don't be formal.

137
00:09:17,031 --> 00:09:19,224
This is a very informal setting
and, Gethin, stand up straight.

138
00:09:19,412 --> 00:09:21,222
A man always looks more confident
when he's erect.

139
00:09:22,326 --> 00:09:23,092
Now, what's all this?

140
00:09:24,526 --> 00:09:26,291
I'm a dual major.

141
00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:28,084
Maths/quantum physics.

142
00:09:28,862 --> 00:09:30,808
Following the tradition of
the great Stephen Hawking, huh?

143
00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:35,578
Not exactly. Numbers geeks
don't have the hottest social life,

144
00:09:35,829 --> 00:09:39,678
so I did a sexual statistics compatibility
survey with all the colleges in England.

145
00:09:40,253 --> 00:09:44,054
Camford came up with the highest
nerd-per-willing-chick probability ratio.

146
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,108
The pursuit of the pink taco.

147
00:09:47,093 --> 00:09:50,372
Gethin, I think you and I are kindred spirits
in the search for the vertical smile.

148
00:09:50,876 --> 00:09:52,805
- The what, sir?
- The vertical smile.

149
00:09:53,325 --> 00:09:55,730
You know,
the scrambled eggs between the legs...

150
00:09:55,857 --> 00:09:56,520
I don't know what that is.

151
00:09:56,694 --> 00:09:57,539
...the sunny-side-up
on the way to the butt.

152
00:09:57,774 --> 00:09:58,660
GETHIN: Say again?

153
00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:02,280
Hello. What's your name?

154
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:06,724
- Hello?
- Simon doesn't like to talk.

155
00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:09,029
Simon?

156
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,587
It's a pleasure to meet you regardless,

157
00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:11,799
and I look forward to hearing from you

158
00:10:12,008 --> 00:10:13,470
when you have something
that you would like to say.

159
00:10:15,455 --> 00:10:16,921
How about you, Balzac?

160
00:10:17,358 --> 00:10:18,987
Hey, buddy. Did you meet everybody?

161
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,987
Hey, what's up with the mutt?

162
00:10:21,235 --> 00:10:22,980
Looks like it's dragging
a pair of soccer balls.

163
00:10:23,369 --> 00:10:24,954
He's a purebred English bulldog.

164
00:10:25,765 --> 00:10:28,336
It's English, is it?
That's why it's such an ugly little bastard.

165
00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,341
- He can hear you.
- I don't care.

166
00:10:31,828 --> 00:10:33,147
Why do you have
all that pent-up aggression?

167
00:10:33,359 --> 00:10:35,503
I'm Irish and the English
have been giving us the shaft

168
00:10:35,714 --> 00:10:36,949
for over 500 years and counting.

169
00:10:37,153 --> 00:10:38,801
Well, time out for a second. I'm Indian.

170
00:10:39,791 --> 00:10:41,881
And England invaded India in the 1700s,

171
00:10:42,098 --> 00:10:44,029
and didn't leave
until less than 60 years ago.

172
00:10:44,522 --> 00:10:48,151
Until then, we were just another one of its
colonies, not unlike your Northern Ireland.

173
00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:49,338
- Really?
- Yeah.

174
00:10:49,938 --> 00:10:50,981
That makes us brothers.

175
00:10:51,899 --> 00:10:53,131
(BOTH GRUNTING)

176
00:10:55,094 --> 00:10:56,622
I'm dead.

177
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:01,460
So I assume those are real.

178
00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,204
You all right?

179
00:11:09,042 --> 00:11:10,768
I'm sorry I lobbed you in the face, mate.

180
00:11:11,126 --> 00:11:12,181
Fancy a sneaky quick one?

181
00:11:12,368 --> 00:11:15,516
No. No, no, I think you've given me enough
sneaky quick ones for the day.

182
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:16,494
Thank you, Seamus.

183
00:11:17,025 --> 00:11:19,840
Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad,
our new head of house.

184
00:11:20,169 --> 00:11:22,322
All right, me old mucker. Have a shake,
then, I ain't got the clap or nothing.

185
00:11:23,092 --> 00:11:24,644
- What?
- She means handshake.

186
00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:26,471
Right. Of course. Of course, hi.

187
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,712
Sadie is a cockney.

188
00:11:27,906 --> 00:11:30,320
Takes time to understand her.
Words fit in her mouth funny.

189
00:11:31,246 --> 00:11:32,241
Lucky words.

190
00:11:32,794 --> 00:11:34,184
You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?

191
00:11:34,749 --> 00:11:37,108
Yeah, it's all right.
Blokes are a bit stuffy here, though.

192
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:38,821
I mean, I never thought
it would be so hard

193
00:11:39,047 --> 00:11:40,847
to find someone worth
slurping the old panhandle.

194
00:11:41,982 --> 00:11:43,413
You know, giving a blow job.

195
00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:45,447
Nothing like getting your tongue
around a nice fat one.

196
00:11:45,713 --> 00:11:46,834
Sliding it in and out.

197
00:11:47,059 --> 00:11:49,944
In and out. In and out. In and out.

198
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,807
Milking it like a cow until it explodes
into the back of your mouth.

199
00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:55,625
I must have an amazing ear for dialects.

200
00:11:55,844 --> 00:11:57,319
I understood
everything that she said perfectly.

201
00:11:57,723 --> 00:12:00,845
So, how long will you be staying with us
before you move to a better house, then,

202
00:12:01,044 --> 00:12:02,759
Mr. Badalandabad?

203
00:12:03,620 --> 00:12:05,274
- I don't follow.
- It's all right, sir.

204
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:07,406
We all know we're losers.

205
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,920
SADIE: Well, round here in this campus

206
00:12:10,237 --> 00:12:12,575
we're like crusty brown sheep dung
off an old work boot.

207
00:12:12,778 --> 00:12:14,508
That's painting too pretty a picture,
if you ask me.

208
00:12:14,827 --> 00:12:16,757
Hey, time out, guys.

209
00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:19,799
You know, a few years ago,
I was exactly where you guys were.

210
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:22,266
Almost.

211
00:12:23,362 --> 00:12:24,285
Not really at all, actually.

212
00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:26,736
But look, the point is
that there's potential, okay?

213
00:12:27,016 --> 00:12:28,489
There's potential here. That's what I see.

214
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:32,867
You know, sometimes it just takes a while
to cultivate one's own personal greatness.

215
00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:35,793
- It's okay, sir.
- People always say nice things.

216
00:12:35,973 --> 00:12:37,624
And then they leave.

217
00:12:43,627 --> 00:12:47,223
Balzac, I don't think I will succeed
as the sultan of snatch in this place.

218
00:12:48,842 --> 00:12:52,940
All I wanted to do was spread a little
Badalandabad butter on an English muffin.

219
00:12:54,494 --> 00:12:57,086
Well, Van, what would you do?

220
00:12:58,546 --> 00:13:10,330
(WOMAN MOANING)

221
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:24,398
(WOMAN GRUNTING)

222
00:13:25,882 --> 00:13:26,674
WOMAN: Yeah.

223
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:29,880
You like that long one, don't you,
Miss Nude America?

224
00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:30,807
Yeah, you do.

225
00:13:31,952 --> 00:13:34,063
Miss Nevada likes it hard.

226
00:13:34,692 --> 00:13:35,601
TAJ: Yeah, scream a bit louder
for more points.

227
00:13:35,862 --> 00:13:37,421
Crazy room.
Will you take a look at this place?

228
00:13:37,619 --> 00:13:38,655
Hey, good morning, guys.

229
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,570
Bloody hell. This must have cost a fortune.

230
00:13:41,073 --> 00:13:42,034
It's an investment.

231
00:13:42,508 --> 00:13:45,039
The coolest, most confident kids
on campus are living here.

232
00:13:45,230 --> 00:13:47,227
- Who's moving in?
- The new you, Gethin.

233
00:13:48,029 --> 00:13:49,231
The new all of you.

234
00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:54,096
And to celebrate, I got us an invitation
to the campus-wide inaugural ball tonight.

235
00:13:54,719 --> 00:13:56,560
Black tie only. When should we leave? Oi!

236
00:13:57,611 --> 00:13:58,467
Where are you going?

237
00:13:58,708 --> 00:14:02,196
It's being tossed by that royal chutney
ferret and his chorus of nancy boys.

238
00:14:02,389 --> 00:14:03,435
Yeah, translation?

239
00:14:04,036 --> 00:14:07,525
Pip Everett is the Earl of Grey,
14 spots removed from the Queen herself.

240
00:14:07,939 --> 00:14:09,438
He also happens to be head
of the Fox and Hounds,

241
00:14:09,709 --> 00:14:10,756
who are sponsoring the ball.

242
00:14:11,207 --> 00:14:13,865
Yes, I've met Pip
and I really wouldn't be concerned.

243
00:14:14,047 --> 00:14:16,202
No, sir. You don't understand.

244
00:14:17,238 --> 00:14:19,852
Each one of us were invited
into the Fox and Hounds,

245
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,566
only to be told when we arrived
that there had been some sort of

246
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:25,040
"typographical error"
in our acceptance letters.

247
00:14:25,418 --> 00:14:27,774
Bloody right.
Supposedly the bastards do it every year.

248
00:14:27,971 --> 00:14:30,243
- Just for their jollies.
- This happened to all of you?

249
00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:34,205
Well, you guys must be livid.

250
00:14:34,484 --> 00:14:36,792
No. It's pretty much the story of our lives.

251
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:40,025
The story of...
I don't believe what I'm hearing.

252
00:14:40,733 --> 00:14:43,307
Those Fox and Hounds douche bags.

253
00:14:43,512 --> 00:14:47,659
Those pubic-hair tooth flossers
have no right to tell us what to do.

254
00:14:48,063 --> 00:14:49,656
We're going to show them... No.

255
00:14:50,865 --> 00:14:53,589
We're going show ourselves
that we can go wherever we want,

256
00:14:54,145 --> 00:14:55,852
whenever we want.

257
00:14:56,131 --> 00:14:58,865
Now, we're going to this party
and we're going to look hot.

258
00:14:59,468 --> 00:15:15,540
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

259
00:15:20,681 --> 00:15:23,082
So they're rich, powerful and beautiful.

260
00:15:24,014 --> 00:15:26,569
Take away their good looks,
their money and their superior attitudes,

261
00:15:26,814 --> 00:15:28,554
- and what do you have?
- Us?

262
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:33,870
My point, Gethin,
is that they're no better than us.

263
00:15:34,331 --> 00:15:35,692
Have some courage, guys.

264
00:15:36,527 --> 00:15:40,143
There's an old saying. "Jumping off a cliff
only hurts if you forget how to fly."

265
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:42,171
Excuse me, sir.
I think the actual saying is that...

266
00:15:42,382 --> 00:15:45,103
Well, it doesn't matter
what the actual saying is, Gethin.

267
00:15:45,284 --> 00:15:46,279
It's the intent.

268
00:15:46,514 --> 00:15:47,837
Stand up straight.

269
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:49,299
Now, where is Simon?

270
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,970
He said he'd be here when he was done
fussing with his bow tie.

271
00:15:52,161 --> 00:15:56,556
All right. Well, go, guys. Have fun.
Go, my little sparrows.

272
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:11,741
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

273
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,891
Would you like to dance?
Would you like to dance?

274
00:16:30,387 --> 00:16:32,415
Would you like to dance?
Do you like to dance?

275
00:16:32,790 --> 00:16:36,334
I'd love to dance with you.

276
00:16:37,149 --> 00:16:40,241
So lean, so strong.

277
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:42,684
So virile.

278
00:16:46,491 --> 00:16:49,709
Do you know I'm not wearing any...

279
00:16:50,818 --> 00:16:54,088
Lady Mulgrove, I believe Lord Mulgrove
was looking for you over there.

280
00:16:56,197 --> 00:16:57,315
Pity.

281
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:01,638
Lady Mulgrove loves her sherry, I'm afraid.

282
00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:04,932
Well, you know, I've never been checked
for a hernia on the dance floor before.

283
00:17:05,382 --> 00:17:07,872
I have to say, the old lady's tremor
was actually mildly erotic.

284
00:17:10,999 --> 00:17:12,759
Would you like to dance?

285
00:17:14,922 --> 00:17:16,179
Well, actually I have a...

286
00:17:16,373 --> 00:17:18,160
A younger sister you could
hook me up with instead?

287
00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:18,812
Why did I say that?

288
00:17:19,058 --> 00:17:21,194
I'm gonna go slit my wrists
in the corner painfully now.

289
00:17:21,401 --> 00:17:22,556
- Thank you. Bye.
- Wait. Wait.

290
00:17:22,773 --> 00:17:23,165
Yes.

291
00:17:24,971 --> 00:17:28,333
- Why not?
- Great.

292
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,291
- So, I've not seen you on campus before.
- Yes, I'm nude.

293
00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:38,735
New, I'm a new graduate student.

294
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,018
- And how are you finding it?
- Great, actually.

295
00:17:42,297 --> 00:17:43,883
It's fantastic. Everyone's really nice,

296
00:17:44,156 --> 00:17:46,597
except for this royal jackass named Pip.

297
00:17:47,556 --> 00:17:49,039
- Pip?
- Yes. Pip Everett,

298
00:17:49,326 --> 00:17:52,640
the Earl of Grey, is a world-class jerk.

299
00:17:53,251 --> 00:17:55,207
- You didn't get on with him?
- No.

300
00:17:55,451 --> 00:17:56,124
You would detest him as well.

301
00:17:56,406 --> 00:17:58,241
I would imagine that
only another bubble-headed snob

302
00:17:58,459 --> 00:18:01,449
could stand to be in his company for
longer than it takes to suck on a Tic Tac.

303
00:18:01,659 --> 00:18:04,725
Charlie, there you are.
Oh, I see you've met Haj.

304
00:18:05,888 --> 00:18:06,882
Charlie?

305
00:18:07,392 --> 00:18:09,584
Or you can just call me
the bubble-headed snob.

306
00:18:11,403 --> 00:18:12,908
So, how are things working out
at the Barn?

307
00:18:13,362 --> 00:18:16,329
Very well, actually.
The residents are very special people.

308
00:18:17,385 --> 00:18:18,311
Special, indeed.

309
00:18:18,503 --> 00:18:20,164
Take it back! Say you like Irish whiskey.

310
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:21,611
Excuse me.

311
00:18:25,639 --> 00:18:28,425
Oh, go on. A little heavy snoggin' with
your husband's all you've been wanting.

312
00:18:29,169 --> 00:18:30,383
I beg your pardon?

313
00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:33,886
You know what we ladies need, sweetie?
A good poke in the low whiskers.

314
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:36,492
Yes, the lower whiskers,
right next to the Scottish Highlands,

315
00:18:36,777 --> 00:18:38,366
a favorite vacation spot. Excuse us.

316
00:18:38,823 --> 00:18:41,581
- No, Taj. I was talking about her vagina.
- Yes.

317
00:18:42,346 --> 00:18:44,794
(GLASS CLINKING)

318
00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:48,816
I would like to welcome everyone
to the official opening

319
00:18:49,631 --> 00:18:52,349
of the competition for the Hastings Cup.

320
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:56,206
Why do they call it a competition
when we always win?

321
00:18:56,727 --> 00:18:59,658
The Hastings Cup represents
all that is best in a university.

322
00:19:00,338 --> 00:19:03,860
Camford's most gifted
have competed for 600 years.

323
00:19:04,312 --> 00:19:06,532
And now it gives me great pleasure

324
00:19:07,134 --> 00:19:10,382
to introduce the winners
of last year's competition,

325
00:19:10,836 --> 00:19:14,292
the Foxes and the Hounds.

326
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,283
Thank you, sir.

327
00:19:20,737 --> 00:19:22,368
On behalf of my fellow members,

328
00:19:22,591 --> 00:19:24,582
I'd like to wish the other houses
the best of luck

329
00:19:25,036 --> 00:19:28,417
on this year's competition.
May the best lads win.

330
00:19:32,602 --> 00:19:36,446
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

331
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:39,056
Don't let that little Indian fellow
put you down, Charlie.

332
00:19:39,372 --> 00:19:41,200
He's hardly worth putting a frown
on your beautiful face.

333
00:19:42,953 --> 00:19:44,153
Why was he upset with you?

334
00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:47,161
I think he was rejected
from the Fox and Hounds the other day.

335
00:19:47,847 --> 00:19:49,443
Poor bloke was devastated.

336
00:19:50,309 --> 00:19:53,250
You know, perhaps I'll have a word.
Cheer him up.

337
00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,204
You're sweet.

338
00:19:57,476 --> 00:19:59,108
It's all part of being an earl, my dear.

339
00:19:59,504 --> 00:20:00,649
Constructive criticism.

340
00:20:00,877 --> 00:20:02,828
Seamus, we need to work
on your anger management skills.

341
00:20:03,064 --> 00:20:03,833
Sadie, close your legs.

342
00:20:04,022 --> 00:20:05,680
We just need to figure out
exactly how much you can drink.

343
00:20:05,870 --> 00:20:06,871
And, Gethin...

344
00:20:09,545 --> 00:20:10,612
Oh, Gethin, sit up straight...

345
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:11,912
PIP: Excuse me, Raji.

346
00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:13,327
- My name is Taj.
- I don't care.

347
00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:15,313
I just wanted to share
a little tidbit with you.

348
00:20:15,937 --> 00:20:18,256
When my great-great-grandfather,
Rupert Everett the Third,

349
00:20:18,454 --> 00:20:20,287
became the first governor
of the Indian colony,

350
00:20:20,891 --> 00:20:22,583
he also took on a band of pet monkeys.

351
00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:25,338
But he used to keep his outside.
There's the door.

352
00:20:25,908 --> 00:20:27,742
Please make sure it hits all of you
on the way out.

353
00:20:28,579 --> 00:20:29,721
- Oh, Poop?
- It's Pip.

354
00:20:29,999 --> 00:20:34,051
I know. A friend of mine used to say
that if you can't join them, beat them.

355
00:20:34,637 --> 00:20:36,099
You might want to write that down.

356
00:20:58,071 --> 00:21:02,030
Hi, ladies and gentlemen.
I am Taj Mahal Badalandabad

357
00:21:02,222 --> 00:21:03,482
- What the hell is he doing?
- ...and I have an important

358
00:21:03,712 --> 00:21:05,135
- Holy crap. He's gone bleeding mad.
- ...announcement.

359
00:21:05,322 --> 00:21:07,208
And in the spirit of the inaugural ball,

360
00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:11,358
I would like to announce the formation of
a new fraternal house, commencing now.

361
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:16,387
Ladies and gentlemen, please get
your first look at the smart, the sexy,

362
00:21:17,695 --> 00:21:21,703
the very literal-minded,
wearing black tie only,

363
00:21:22,326 --> 00:21:24,553
Cock and Bulls.

364
00:21:24,788 --> 00:21:25,714
(PEOPLE GASPING)

365
00:21:26,111 --> 00:21:34,143
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

366
00:21:37,657 --> 00:21:39,362
GETHIN: We'll never be able to show
our faces again.

367
00:21:40,057 --> 00:21:41,672
We're the laughingstock
of the whole bloody school.

368
00:21:42,033 --> 00:21:42,792
To hell with the lot of them.

369
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,348
What is with the lack of self-image?

370
00:21:45,903 --> 00:21:48,183
You know, we have the potential
to be the best house on this campus.

371
00:21:48,594 --> 00:21:49,657
And I would go so far as to say

372
00:21:49,962 --> 00:21:51,620
that we could even win
the Hastings Cup this year.

373
00:21:51,823 --> 00:21:53,440
How the hell could we win the cup?

374
00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:56,076
Seamus, winning the cup
is based on accumulating points

375
00:21:56,285 --> 00:21:58,122
in academics, athletics and social services.

376
00:21:58,677 --> 00:22:00,876
- Now, Gethin here excels...
- SEAMUS: Hold on, hold on, hold on.

377
00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:02,115
I'm a banged-up rugby player,

378
00:22:02,706 --> 00:22:04,531
she's a sausage jockey
for the price of a pint

379
00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:05,732
Oi! And dinner.

380
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,096
...and he's got the bleeding personality
of a toaster oven.

381
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:12,295
So, you've decided to accept defeat
before you've even tried, huh?

382
00:22:12,888 --> 00:22:16,154
What if Columbus had done that
just because of a bout with seasickness?

383
00:22:16,566 --> 00:22:19,586
Or if Babe Ruth had decided to walk off
after his first rookie season

384
00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:21,157
just because of a little syphilis?

385
00:22:21,833 --> 00:22:24,212
Or what if Ravi Shankar had decided
to give up the sitar

386
00:22:24,621 --> 00:22:27,949
just because he knew he'd be able get
a lot more chooch playing the guitar?

387
00:22:29,092 --> 00:22:34,033
You guys, society has always stifled
those with great minds.

388
00:22:35,585 --> 00:22:36,882
I believe in you.

389
00:22:38,074 --> 00:22:39,589
And you should too.

390
00:22:40,831 --> 00:22:41,394
Now,

391
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:45,347
to the Cock and Bulls.

392
00:22:46,645 --> 00:22:48,953
I said, to the Cock and Bulls.

393
00:22:50,426 --> 00:22:53,472
ALL: To the Cock and Bulls.
TAJ: To the Cock and Bulls.

394
00:22:53,692 --> 00:22:55,794
- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls.

395
00:22:56,096 --> 00:22:57,556
To the Cock and Bulls!

396
00:22:57,737 --> 00:23:00,259
Why do you insist
on manipulating the table like that

397
00:23:00,452 --> 00:23:01,904
with the fist, coming down?

398
00:23:05,535 --> 00:23:07,386
- Morning.
- Morning.

399
00:23:08,533 --> 00:23:09,143
You know,

400
00:23:10,649 --> 00:23:12,526
I was rather wonderful last night, wasn't I?

401
00:23:12,944 --> 00:23:13,984
I was here, too, you know.

402
00:23:15,206 --> 00:23:18,169
No, not the sex, silly. I was talking
about our dinner with Lord Wrightwood.

403
00:23:18,615 --> 00:23:19,707
How do you think it went?

404
00:23:19,989 --> 00:23:22,223
Well, you fawned over his every word.

405
00:23:22,453 --> 00:23:25,145
I half expected you to get up
from the table and kiss his ass.

406
00:23:25,516 --> 00:23:26,643
I thought it went well, too.

407
00:23:26,916 --> 00:23:29,134
And after graduation,
I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige me

408
00:23:29,355 --> 00:23:31,030
with a recommendation
for a diplomatic position.

409
00:23:31,913 --> 00:23:34,693
Pip, class isn't for an hour.
Come back to bed for a bit.

410
00:23:35,319 --> 00:23:37,102
But I haven't done my exercises yet.

411
00:23:37,402 --> 00:23:40,204
- And I have to exfoliate.
- I can put a glow on your cheeks.

412
00:23:40,390 --> 00:23:42,565
Charlie, hello. We did it last night.

413
00:23:43,647 --> 00:23:47,192
Wednesday. Our night.

414
00:23:49,674 --> 00:23:51,920
I don't understand
why we have to have a night.

415
00:23:52,503 --> 00:23:54,390
Why can't we just do it
whenever we feel like it?

416
00:23:54,693 --> 00:23:56,272
Because we're British
and we control ourselves.

417
00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:57,725
Charlie, I have a busy schedule.

418
00:23:58,060 --> 00:23:59,884
And I'd rather not tell people
I have no energy

419
00:24:00,115 --> 00:24:01,657
because I was off fornicating all night.

420
00:24:02,152 --> 00:24:04,218
Now, which shirt do you like better?

421
00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:07,906
Mauve or turbot? I like the mauve.

422
00:24:08,143 --> 00:24:09,849
But it is difficult with my jaw line.

423
00:24:13,434 --> 00:24:15,495
TAJ: "We have this day given order

424
00:24:16,286 --> 00:24:20,758
"to our Chancellor of the United Kingdom
and our Chancellor of Ireland,

425
00:24:21,637 --> 00:24:23,909
"that they do respectively
upon notice here

426
00:24:24,105 --> 00:24:27,909
"of forewith issues of writ
effective immediately

427
00:24:28,136 --> 00:24:31,097
"that pigs and chickens
will no longer be tolerated

428
00:24:31,323 --> 00:24:33,042
"in the House of Commons."

429
00:24:33,312 --> 00:24:36,944
Would anyone like to comment
on the House of the Lords journal

430
00:24:37,156 --> 00:24:41,013
volume 64, August 1832?

431
00:24:43,423 --> 00:24:45,006
Yeah. Me, neither.

432
00:24:45,688 --> 00:24:47,378
God, this is boring.

433
00:24:51,884 --> 00:24:54,750
Everybody rip out page 32.

434
00:24:56,081 --> 00:24:57,335
- Sir?
- You heard me.

435
00:24:57,780 --> 00:24:59,904
Everybody rip out page 32.

436
00:25:00,586 --> 00:25:02,891
You've seen Dead Poets Society.
Rip out page 32.

437
00:25:04,015 --> 00:25:07,015
Come on, if you don't rip out page 32,
I'll fail all of you.

438
00:25:07,555 --> 00:25:08,545
Yes!

439
00:25:12,223 --> 00:25:14,357
God, these things are so old,
they're petrified.

440
00:25:14,579 --> 00:25:16,636
You know what, just throw
the whole damn thing out the window.

441
00:25:19,350 --> 00:25:20,669
I think he's plumb sauced, he is.

442
00:25:20,847 --> 00:25:22,875
Sir, I don't think throwing books out
is such a good idea.

443
00:25:24,673 --> 00:25:25,937
Yes, there you go, Seamus.

444
00:25:26,171 --> 00:25:27,228
See, everybody do that,

445
00:25:27,415 --> 00:25:29,821
and send these books back to the 1800s
where they belong.

446
00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:42,174
- Come on, Gethin.
- No, I can't.

447
00:25:43,162 --> 00:25:45,307
Haven't you ever heard of the expression
"in with the old, out with the new"?

448
00:25:45,599 --> 00:25:47,335
Yes, sir.
But I think the actual expression is...

449
00:25:47,625 --> 00:25:49,885
Oh, it doesn't matter
what the actual expression is, Gethin.

450
00:25:50,614 --> 00:25:52,720
Why are you thinking
when you should be throwing?

451
00:25:53,100 --> 00:25:54,319
Ejaculate your book.

452
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:56,332
Yeah, go on, Gethie. Get over it.

453
00:25:56,535 --> 00:25:57,807
Give it a throw, limey.

454
00:25:58,530 --> 00:26:02,138
Come on, Gethin. Expunge 20 years
of oppression out the window.

455
00:26:11,252 --> 00:26:12,344
(GLASS SHATTERS)

456
00:26:13,029 --> 00:26:16,609
Mr. Badalandabad,
might I see you out in the hall?

457
00:26:17,191 --> 00:26:18,474
Certainly.

458
00:26:20,429 --> 00:26:21,749
Excuse me, class.

459
00:26:22,020 --> 00:26:24,078
Why don't you all read chapter two
while I'm gone?

460
00:26:26,799 --> 00:26:28,168
But we haven't got any books.

461
00:26:30,723 --> 00:26:32,712
Have you gone
completely and utterly mad?

462
00:26:33,457 --> 00:26:35,210
I don't know how you did things
at Coolidge College.

463
00:26:35,457 --> 00:26:37,841
- You've been checking on me.
- Yes. And, frankly, I'm concerned.

464
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:40,422
And as your supervisor,
it's my job to make sure that there's...

465
00:26:40,596 --> 00:26:42,248
Wait, wait, wait. You're my supervisor?

466
00:26:43,734 --> 00:26:47,589
Well, I... Let me just say then that
I am so enthused to be under you.

467
00:26:49,334 --> 00:26:51,044
What I mean is that I'm extremely hard.

468
00:26:52,161 --> 00:26:54,334
Hard-pressed to...

469
00:26:54,572 --> 00:26:56,288
Mr. Badalandabad,
it really doesn't even matter

470
00:26:56,478 --> 00:26:57,836
what you think of me or of the textbooks.

471
00:26:58,552 --> 00:27:00,610
Because if you wish to receive
your doctorate from this university,

472
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,726
you'll have to follow the rules
set forth by...

473
00:27:02,946 --> 00:27:04,098
By men who what?

474
00:27:04,270 --> 00:27:08,457
Who wore funny boxer shorts
and garter belts and died decades ago?

475
00:27:09,038 --> 00:27:13,147
Who never saw a man walk on the moon
or listened to Lil' Kim on an MP3 player

476
00:27:13,384 --> 00:27:15,381
or watched muff-to-muff
triple-penetration cooch-munching

477
00:27:15,579 --> 00:27:17,051
- on the internet?
- What does that have to do with anything?

478
00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:18,847
Okay. Maybe, that was a bit much.
I'm sorry.

479
00:27:19,276 --> 00:27:20,663
But my point, Miss Higginson,

480
00:27:20,855 --> 00:27:23,154
is that there is more than one way
to skin a mongoose.

481
00:27:24,325 --> 00:27:27,996
History can be about so much more
than random dates and ancient artifacts.

482
00:27:28,185 --> 00:27:29,855
It can teach us about ourselves.

483
00:27:30,094 --> 00:27:32,768
About our flaws, our hopes,
even our dreams.

484
00:27:32,976 --> 00:27:35,112
And all I'm saying, Mr. Badalandabad,

485
00:27:35,926 --> 00:27:39,567
is that at this university,
there's only one way to skin a mongoose.

486
00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:41,316
And it's my way.

487
00:27:42,362 --> 00:27:43,706
Good day.

488
00:27:51,986 --> 00:27:53,134
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

489
00:27:53,644 --> 00:27:56,765
welcome to the opening event
of seven competitions

490
00:27:57,253 --> 00:28:01,007
between our five fraternal houses
for the Hastings Cup.

491
00:28:03,442 --> 00:28:04,863
They're bleeding huge.

492
00:28:05,648 --> 00:28:08,710
Guys, come on, it's badminton.
The game is played with a limp wrist.

493
00:28:09,058 --> 00:28:10,070
How hard could it be?

494
00:28:10,313 --> 00:28:11,935
(THUDDING)

495
00:28:16,076 --> 00:28:17,147
Simon.

496
00:28:17,649 --> 00:28:18,511
You were saying?

497
00:28:47,037 --> 00:28:50,249
Okay. It is probably safe to assume

498
00:28:50,469 --> 00:28:53,427
that we will probably not
emerge victorious from this match.

499
00:28:53,874 --> 00:28:57,544
However, it's very important
that we maintain our dignities.

500
00:28:58,219 --> 00:28:59,879
Gethin, just get the serve in.

501
00:28:59,975 --> 00:29:01,797
- Fine.
- I have an idea.

502
00:29:02,006 --> 00:29:03,217
Sadie...

503
00:29:04,039 --> 00:29:06,355
(INAUDIBLE)

504
00:29:21,539 --> 00:29:23,109
Simon, it's yours!

505
00:29:28,379 --> 00:29:30,552
ANNOUNCER: Game, Fox and Hounds.

506
00:29:30,765 --> 00:29:32,121
TAJ: It was not so bad.

507
00:29:33,846 --> 00:29:37,179
Okay, it was so bad, but why are you
refusing to look on the bright side?

508
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,116
Oh, we're going to bleed to death
of internal injuries?

509
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,516
No, we have made an impression.

510
00:29:41,943 --> 00:29:44,247
I mean, would you rather be
miserable and known,

511
00:29:44,858 --> 00:29:45,799
or miserable and anonymous?

512
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:46,929
- Anonymous.
- Anonymous.

513
00:29:47,126 --> 00:29:48,367
Sir, I think we were fooling ourselves

514
00:29:48,538 --> 00:29:50,753
to believe we had
even the tiniest chance of winning this.

515
00:29:50,947 --> 00:29:52,575
We're on the board.
We're actually on the board.

516
00:29:53,135 --> 00:29:54,521
GETHIN: Yeah, but it doesn't
mean anything.

517
00:29:55,081 --> 00:29:58,056
Everybody gets a point for entering.
We're still 499 points away.

518
00:29:58,388 --> 00:30:01,758
Okay, Captain Optimistic, you are wrong.
This is a beginning.

519
00:30:01,931 --> 00:30:02,915
(HORN HONKING)

520
00:30:03,355 --> 00:30:04,249
Oh, by the by,

521
00:30:04,844 --> 00:30:06,743
just because you're making
a spectacle of yourselves,

522
00:30:07,427 --> 00:30:09,587
it doesn't mean you're not still invisible
to the rest of us.

523
00:30:09,772 --> 00:30:11,008
That's great, Pip,

524
00:30:11,506 --> 00:30:14,577
because it's very difficult
to beat something that you cannot see.

525
00:30:15,158 --> 00:30:18,465
Beat you? You and your sorry lot
aren't even worth spitting on.

526
00:30:19,292 --> 00:30:20,353
Diarrhea face.

527
00:30:20,575 --> 00:30:21,392
- Sorry, what did you just call me?
- What?

528
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,632
- No, no, no, you definitely said something.
- No, I didn't say anything.

529
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:24,638
- What was it?
- No, I didn't...

530
00:30:24,808 --> 00:30:26,384
- You called me diarrhea face.
- Really, did I?

531
00:30:30,519 --> 00:30:30,724
(WHISTLE BLOWS)

532
00:30:30,924 --> 00:30:33,172
TAJ: Samus there's a time and a place
to hit people.

533
00:30:33,539 --> 00:30:36,340
Yesterday was the wrong time
and today is the right place

534
00:30:36,530 --> 00:30:39,123
and here you can win points
towards the Hastings Cup.

535
00:30:40,785 --> 00:30:42,970
Hey, Coach, you need another player?

536
00:30:43,380 --> 00:30:44,834
This guy? No way.

537
00:30:45,257 --> 00:30:45,924
Oh, really?

538
00:30:48,929 --> 00:30:50,091
That's one way to do it.

539
00:30:51,346 --> 00:30:52,300
Welcome.

540
00:30:53,130 --> 00:30:54,230
PIP: Ladies and gentlemen,

541
00:30:54,426 --> 00:30:57,505
I'm sure our palates were titillated
from the last selection,

542
00:30:58,007 --> 00:31:00,233
but I have an even finer vintage
to present to you now.

543
00:31:00,653 --> 00:31:04,683
I must hand it to you, Charlotte.
You've done an excellent job with the TAs.

544
00:31:05,869 --> 00:31:06,838
Thank you, Provost.

545
00:31:07,457 --> 00:31:08,666
It's always been my theory

546
00:31:08,864 --> 00:31:10,708
that as long as you're clear
with your rules and expectations,

547
00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,927
people generally will fall in...

548
00:31:17,855 --> 00:31:19,219
Excuse me one moment. Sorry.

549
00:31:19,968 --> 00:31:22,888
The next cognac you'll be tasting is from
a 1793 bottle from the Loire region...

550
00:31:23,368 --> 00:31:24,533
(INAUDIBLE)

551
00:31:26,860 --> 00:31:27,453
Of France.

552
00:31:28,378 --> 00:31:30,366
Of France. A fine vintage, as I was saying.

553
00:31:32,294 --> 00:31:33,288
TAJ: So, despite all of their money,

554
00:31:33,497 --> 00:31:35,325
all those statues
are actually completely worthless.

555
00:31:35,527 --> 00:31:36,554
What is going on?

556
00:31:36,914 --> 00:31:40,039
Field trip. We're observing
the double-breasted, blue-blooded snot.

557
00:31:40,616 --> 00:31:41,678
You're bird watching?

558
00:31:41,930 --> 00:31:44,685
No, no, no, we're observing
the behavior of British aristocracy.

559
00:31:45,496 --> 00:31:46,262
Now.

560
00:31:47,177 --> 00:31:48,369
BRB.

561
00:31:49,089 --> 00:31:51,157
I told you to stick
to the assigned curriculum.

562
00:31:51,389 --> 00:31:53,512
Yes, and as I explained to you,
the assigned curriculum was...

563
00:31:53,719 --> 00:31:55,061
Was something I felt very strongly about.

564
00:31:55,411 --> 00:31:56,491
Which is why I propose a challenge.

565
00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:58,765
- Pardon me?
- A challenge.

566
00:31:59,331 --> 00:32:00,290
You see, I believe

567
00:32:00,492 --> 00:32:02,940
that my students' academic achievements
are better enhanced

568
00:32:03,253 --> 00:32:04,466
through a series of field trips.

569
00:32:04,633 --> 00:32:05,717
Oh, you do, do you?

570
00:32:05,903 --> 00:32:07,222
Yes, and given the fact

571
00:32:07,418 --> 00:32:09,581
that we have a philosophical difference
in our teaching methods,

572
00:32:10,326 --> 00:32:13,705
I suggest that we settle our disputes
through a challenge of some sort.

573
00:32:14,389 --> 00:32:16,199
That way, if I win,
I can continue as planned, and if...

574
00:32:16,387 --> 00:32:18,961
No! There will be no challenges.

575
00:32:19,568 --> 00:32:21,896
This isn't a grade school playground,
Mr. Badalandabad.

576
00:32:22,944 --> 00:32:25,124
If you wish to receive your doctorate
from this university,

577
00:32:25,732 --> 00:32:28,357
you'll have to follow
the assigned curriculum. Good night.

578
00:32:29,937 --> 00:32:31,288
I figured you might be scared.

579
00:32:32,670 --> 00:32:35,545
The last thing I am in this world
is scared of you.

580
00:32:36,361 --> 00:32:39,872
I accept your challenge,
which means I get to choose the weapons.

581
00:32:40,460 --> 00:32:42,896
Great. The weapons?

582
00:32:46,684 --> 00:32:48,611
Charlotte, is it just me,
or do these absurd paintings

583
00:32:48,777 --> 00:32:51,050
bear a striking resemblance
to your absurd boyfriend?

584
00:32:51,767 --> 00:32:52,932
We are in Everett Hall.

585
00:32:53,508 --> 00:32:54,507
Everett Hall.

586
00:32:57,435 --> 00:33:00,314
Oh, please tell me it's Earl of Grey tea
contained in this.

587
00:33:00,549 --> 00:33:03,083
The ashes of six generations of Everetts
are contained here.

588
00:33:03,591 --> 00:33:05,692
Well, when it's Pip's turn,
they're going to have to build a new hall

589
00:33:05,936 --> 00:33:07,011
just to contain his ego.

590
00:33:07,597 --> 00:33:09,010
Shall we begin?

591
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,303
Begin? Yes, let's begin.

592
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,214
Not bad, Miss Higginson,
but you should know

593
00:33:20,685 --> 00:33:23,216
that I extensively studied fencing
at the university.

594
00:33:28,361 --> 00:33:30,749
University fencing champion.
Twice in a row.

595
00:33:31,265 --> 00:33:33,059
I was planning on showing you
some mercy, but...

596
00:33:34,147 --> 00:33:38,388
(EXCLAIMS)

597
00:33:47,584 --> 00:33:48,757
What the hell was that?

598
00:33:49,435 --> 00:33:52,075
It's the Rathbone.
My fencing teacher taught it to me.

599
00:33:52,567 --> 00:33:53,683
He's quite a good swordsman.

600
00:33:53,859 --> 00:33:56,668
Ah, yes.
I've had a few ladies tell me that myself.

601
00:33:57,405 --> 00:34:00,181
Miss Higginson,
have you ever seen the movie Zorro?

602
00:34:02,150 --> 00:34:03,353
I have.

603
00:34:04,700 --> 00:34:05,932
Six times.

604
00:34:12,594 --> 00:34:14,070
Nine times.

605
00:34:27,728 --> 00:34:30,069
Count yourself lucky
the only thing you lost were your pants.

606
00:34:33,336 --> 00:34:35,785
It's a shame, Miss Higginson.
You would have enjoyed the trip.

607
00:34:36,615 --> 00:34:38,623
- I'll be on that field trip.
- Will you?

608
00:34:39,126 --> 00:34:43,173
That way, when I have you replaced,
I'll be able to explain my reasons.

609
00:34:44,107 --> 00:34:45,147
Good night.

610
00:34:47,566 --> 00:34:53,273
(SHINEPLAYING)

611
00:34:53,819 --> 00:34:56,395
On the right
is the famous Tower of London,

612
00:34:56,608 --> 00:35:02,198
where Queen Elizabeth I imprisoned
her explorer boyfriend, Sir Walter Raleigh,

613
00:35:02,593 --> 00:35:05,013
after he was found doing the freaky-deaky

614
00:35:05,286 --> 00:35:06,523
with one of her ladies-in-waiting.

615
00:35:07,114 --> 00:35:10,041
Presently people line up outside
the tower to see the crown jewels,

616
00:35:10,636 --> 00:35:14,121
which were stolen during
the brutal British occupation of India.

617
00:35:14,589 --> 00:35:16,119
The crown jewels are actually
quite magnificent.

618
00:35:17,131 --> 00:35:20,046
I don't think anyone's ever waited
an hour and a half online to see mine.

619
00:35:20,856 --> 00:35:22,961
Actually, there was that one time
at Coolidge.

620
00:35:23,658 --> 00:35:32,061
(SHINE CONTINUES PLAYING)

621
00:35:32,501 --> 00:35:33,651
Now, this is the area

622
00:35:33,935 --> 00:35:38,477
where Charles Dickens used to observe
the injustices of London's class system.

623
00:35:39,309 --> 00:35:41,759
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."

624
00:35:42,210 --> 00:35:43,260
Write that down.

625
00:35:44,656 --> 00:35:47,822
Come on, guys, let's go.
Don't stop to stare, it's just an old church.

626
00:35:48,052 --> 00:35:54,650
(SHINE CONTINUES PLAYING)

627
00:35:54,875 --> 00:35:57,608
(INAUDIBLE)

628
00:36:00,418 --> 00:36:04,653
On the left, in Trafalgar Square,
is a statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson,

629
00:36:04,998 --> 00:36:06,371
Britain's most famous war hero.

630
00:36:06,924 --> 00:36:11,981
Nelson lost an arm, an eye, an ear
and a leg in various battles.

631
00:36:12,431 --> 00:36:13,936
Towards the end, the poor guy
was nothing more

632
00:36:14,132 --> 00:36:16,384
than a broomstick
with a cute little admiral's hat on.

633
00:36:24,379 --> 00:36:25,265
Oh, God.

634
00:36:26,049 --> 00:36:27,911
That four-eyed geek's staring at us.

635
00:36:28,467 --> 00:36:29,928
No, I believe he's staring at me.

636
00:36:33,327 --> 00:36:34,725
Hi, is this seat taken?

637
00:36:35,998 --> 00:36:36,980
What do I do?

638
00:36:37,314 --> 00:36:39,415
Open your cakehole, you bleeding idiot,
and tell her how you feel.

639
00:36:43,391 --> 00:36:46,700
You are the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen in my life

640
00:36:47,435 --> 00:36:49,934
and I'd give two years' tuition
to sleep with you.

641
00:36:50,415 --> 00:36:51,598
That's being a bit too honest, mate.

642
00:36:52,479 --> 00:36:55,093
You're sweet.
You're like a horny little Care Bear.

643
00:36:56,107 --> 00:36:57,704
Okay, I think.

644
00:37:09,833 --> 00:37:11,432
What's so special about this place?

645
00:37:11,759 --> 00:37:14,134
The best fish and chips in all of London.
Come on.

646
00:37:14,942 --> 00:37:19,034
And then, Winnie looked up,
gazed at me over his glasses and said,

647
00:37:20,247 --> 00:37:22,924
"I see you're adept at running numbers,

648
00:37:23,982 --> 00:37:26,607
"but how good are you at cracking code?"

649
00:37:28,020 --> 00:37:31,395
And that, children, is how I saved England.

650
00:37:32,095 --> 00:37:36,766
Wait a minute. Winnie? You?
You knew Winston Churchill?

651
00:37:37,170 --> 00:37:42,233
Well, I'm not talking
about Winnie the bleeding Pooh, am I?

652
00:37:43,690 --> 00:37:47,120
- Jackie, where's that pint?
- JACKIE: Coming right up.

653
00:37:47,350 --> 00:37:48,458
I owe you an apology.

654
00:37:48,904 --> 00:37:51,514
I completely underestimated you.
You're a wonderful teacher.

655
00:37:52,007 --> 00:37:52,788
Thank you.

656
00:37:53,384 --> 00:37:54,449
So, I take it you had fun today.

657
00:37:54,684 --> 00:37:56,308
Are you kidding me? I had a ball.

658
00:37:57,442 --> 00:37:59,737
Oh, my God, the ball.

659
00:38:01,351 --> 00:38:02,711
The House of Lords is still debating

660
00:38:02,951 --> 00:38:04,875
the proposal
on the West End theater project,

661
00:38:05,143 --> 00:38:06,883
but I think
that we have to come together on this

662
00:38:07,074 --> 00:38:09,205
to find a viable way and move forward.

663
00:38:09,543 --> 00:38:10,964
Bloody bastard!

664
00:38:12,759 --> 00:38:14,464
Okay, just one man's opinion.

665
00:38:16,132 --> 00:38:18,913
Oh, not you, Lord Wrightwood.
My apologies.

666
00:38:20,343 --> 00:38:21,602
Please excuse me.

667
00:38:24,068 --> 00:38:25,648
What the hell is he doing here?

668
00:38:26,539 --> 00:38:28,587
Taj is a friend and guest, Pip.

669
00:38:29,609 --> 00:38:31,885
And I'd appreciate you making him feel
part of this evening.

670
00:38:33,758 --> 00:38:36,262
You know, Charlotte, you're right.
I didn't mean to be rude.

671
00:38:37,136 --> 00:38:38,444
Thanks, Pip.

672
00:38:39,259 --> 00:38:42,285
"And the fire that breaks from thee then,

673
00:38:42,527 --> 00:38:44,365
"a billion times lovelier,

674
00:38:45,330 --> 00:38:46,710
"more dangerous,

675
00:38:47,419 --> 00:38:49,986
"O, my chevalier!

676
00:38:50,895 --> 00:38:55,920
"No wonder of it.
Shine, and blue-bleak embers, my dear,

677
00:38:58,283 --> 00:39:01,272
"Fall, gall themselves,

678
00:39:01,694 --> 00:39:05,066
"and gash gold-vermillion."

679
00:39:10,764 --> 00:39:13,370
Thank you, Sir Wilfred,
that was a real treat.

680
00:39:15,683 --> 00:39:18,811
Now, as is tradition in the literary ball,

681
00:39:19,139 --> 00:39:21,397
I'd like to call on
a member of our visiting faculty

682
00:39:21,911 --> 00:39:25,775
to share with us his favorite British poet.

683
00:39:26,747 --> 00:39:28,861
Taj Badalandabad.

684
00:39:30,571 --> 00:39:32,876
To the podium, please.

685
00:39:39,246 --> 00:39:41,443
Pip, this certainly comes as a surprise.

686
00:39:41,830 --> 00:39:46,133
I think that it's important a visiting
foreign instructor like Mr. Badalandabad

687
00:39:46,579 --> 00:39:50,032
have an appreciation for the heritage
and culture with which he hopes to teach.

688
00:39:51,039 --> 00:39:52,750
- Have fun, Raji.
- Thank you.

689
00:40:04,632 --> 00:40:05,891
"There's a lady,

690
00:40:07,272 --> 00:40:11,647
"who is sure that all that glitters is gold,

691
00:40:13,098 --> 00:40:16,359
"because she's buying
a stairway in Hampstead."

692
00:40:19,453 --> 00:40:23,615
Now, she can't get no satisfaction.

693
00:40:24,196 --> 00:40:27,489
No. No, no, no. No, she can't get
no satisfaction, none at all,

694
00:40:28,346 --> 00:40:32,497
even when she's driving in her smart car

695
00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:35,314
or listening on the radio.

696
00:40:36,423 --> 00:40:40,076
Or even when she's pleading with Roxanne
to turn on the red light.

697
00:40:40,687 --> 00:40:42,839
Damn it, Roxanne, turn on that red light,

698
00:40:43,103 --> 00:40:46,558
or Maxwell's Silver Hammer will come
smashing down upon your head.

699
00:40:47,090 --> 00:40:49,895
Turn on that red light, you bitch, Roxanne,

700
00:40:50,157 --> 00:40:53,316
or we'll all end up in a big white house
with black curtains at the station.

701
00:40:54,923 --> 00:40:57,533
Or would you rather live
along the watchtower? No.

702
00:40:58,542 --> 00:41:00,429
Then turn on the red light, Roxanne,

703
00:41:00,707 --> 00:41:03,327
or I'll have my 19th nervous breakdown
for real.

704
00:41:04,255 --> 00:41:05,493
It's the real thing.

705
00:41:06,466 --> 00:41:07,982
It's even better than the real thing.

706
00:41:09,816 --> 00:41:12,793
I really want you all to want me.

707
00:41:13,289 --> 00:41:18,122
I really want to take all of you higher,
trust me.

708
00:41:19,738 --> 00:41:22,589
Do I look like an American idiot to you?

709
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:26,210
No.

710
00:41:27,303 --> 00:41:32,748
Which is why I wish you all
the time of your life.

711
00:41:43,994 --> 00:41:45,244
Thanks.

712
00:41:47,226 --> 00:41:48,718
Jolly good show.

713
00:41:49,949 --> 00:41:51,433
- You liked it?
- Absolutely.

714
00:41:51,892 --> 00:41:53,043
That young man's presentation

715
00:41:53,288 --> 00:41:55,773
strung together the words
of the poets of the street.

716
00:41:56,170 --> 00:41:58,908
Not unlike the American rapper, Eminem,
whom I rather dig.

717
00:42:04,881 --> 00:42:06,531
TAJ: You know,
I love the British limerick as well.

718
00:42:07,011 --> 00:42:09,016
In fact, I read one at Kensington station
just last week.

719
00:42:09,262 --> 00:42:09,936
Tell me if you know it.

720
00:42:10,623 --> 00:42:12,353
"There once was a woman from Heath,

721
00:42:12,838 --> 00:42:14,415
"who circumcised men with her teeth."

722
00:42:15,269 --> 00:42:16,374
Taj.

723
00:42:17,644 --> 00:42:20,647
I'd like you to meet my parents,
Martha and Richard.

724
00:42:21,127 --> 00:42:22,508
And of course you know Sir Wilfred.

725
00:42:22,949 --> 00:42:24,475
Hello, it's a pleasure to meet both of you.

726
00:42:24,757 --> 00:42:26,456
I can certainly see
where Charlotte gets her

727
00:42:28,747 --> 00:42:29,954
sense of seriousness from.

728
00:42:33,324 --> 00:42:35,484
You put on a very impressive exhibition
tonight, young man.

729
00:42:35,715 --> 00:42:36,334
You should be congratulated.

730
00:42:36,734 --> 00:42:39,495
Thank you very much. I actually owe it all
to my good friend Pip here,

731
00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:42,847
who encouraged when others
would have discouraged. Thanks, Pip.

732
00:42:43,352 --> 00:42:46,347
Young man, I want you
to have a drink with me.

733
00:42:46,811 --> 00:42:48,208
Sure. Excuse me.

734
00:42:50,369 --> 00:42:51,848
He's quite clever, isn't he?

735
00:42:52,330 --> 00:42:54,997
I think I need a drink myself.
Martha, would you care to join me?

736
00:42:55,434 --> 00:42:56,558
Yes.

737
00:42:58,392 --> 00:42:59,833
This Raj fellow...

738
00:43:00,370 --> 00:43:01,776
Taj, his name is Taj.

739
00:43:02,049 --> 00:43:02,933
Right, Taj, then.

740
00:43:03,491 --> 00:43:06,427
I believe he's been creating
quite a scuttlebutt at school as well.

741
00:43:06,895 --> 00:43:09,520
Oh, he just has an original way
of doing things.

742
00:43:09,990 --> 00:43:12,005
Charles, you're more than old enough
to make your own friends,

743
00:43:12,235 --> 00:43:15,181
but it would be a pity
to jeopardize your relationship with Pip.

744
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,909
The Everetts are a very important family.

745
00:43:18,229 --> 00:43:22,075
Yes, I know, Daddy.
Pip's reminded me many times.

746
00:43:22,377 --> 00:43:23,160
All I'm saying is,

747
00:43:23,896 --> 00:43:27,430
it's not every girl that gets the opportunity
to become the wife of an earl.

748
00:43:28,096 --> 00:43:29,400
I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

749
00:43:32,033 --> 00:43:36,399
(JIG MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

750
00:43:36,660 --> 00:43:43,741
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

751
00:43:44,262 --> 00:43:45,778
Sir, are you sure we get points for this?

752
00:43:46,103 --> 00:43:48,113
Seventy-five, Gethin. Winner take all.

753
00:43:57,868 --> 00:43:58,711
I've run a few numbers, sir.

754
00:43:58,910 --> 00:44:01,209
Their beer gut intake
is almost incalculably large.

755
00:44:02,655 --> 00:44:05,139
Have some faith, Gethin.
There are forces of nature at work here.

756
00:44:10,215 --> 00:44:12,338
Stop staring at her tits, they're fake.

757
00:44:24,090 --> 00:44:25,656
ROGER: They've actually moved up
in the standings.

758
00:44:26,005 --> 00:44:27,183
Do you think that's cause for concern?

759
00:44:27,628 --> 00:44:28,489
With that lot?

760
00:44:29,150 --> 00:44:30,366
The only things we've got to worry about

761
00:44:30,547 --> 00:44:32,957
are communicable diseases
and fashion faux pas.

762
00:44:33,373 --> 00:44:34,494
I mean, really.

763
00:44:35,344 --> 00:44:38,610
In his dashing exploits
at the Battle of Cape St. Vincent

764
00:44:39,110 --> 00:44:40,848
and in his brilliant victory
at the Battle of Trafalgar,

765
00:44:41,070 --> 00:44:44,785
Lord Nelson clearly proved himself
to be Britain's greatest naval hero.

766
00:44:45,529 --> 00:44:47,022
He wrote to Lady Emma Hamilton,

767
00:44:47,669 --> 00:44:51,813
"I have always been 15 minutes ahead
of my time and it has made a man of me."

768
00:44:53,178 --> 00:44:57,451
Now, who here thinks that Lord Nelson
was a bit reckless during the Battle of...

769
00:44:58,133 --> 00:44:58,796
(MAN SHOUTING)

770
00:44:59,225 --> 00:45:00,982
ALL: Cock and Bulls got so much soul!

771
00:45:01,463 --> 00:45:03,131
Cock and Bulls is in the house!

772
00:45:03,442 --> 00:45:04,124
- ALL: We rock!
- What?

773
00:45:04,367 --> 00:45:05,187
- ALL: We roll!
- What?

774
00:45:05,661 --> 00:45:07,443
ALL: Cock and Bulls got so much soul.

775
00:45:07,886 --> 00:45:09,505
Cock and Bulls is in the house.

776
00:45:10,743 --> 00:45:12,994
As I was saying, who here thinks
that Nelson took too many chances with...

777
00:45:14,752 --> 00:45:18,262
We hereby challenge you to a reenactment
of the Battle of Agincourt.

778
00:45:18,461 --> 00:45:20,095
We, naturally, will be the English,

779
00:45:20,283 --> 00:45:23,092
whereas you mangy vermin
will be the French.

780
00:45:23,763 --> 00:45:25,099
What say you?

781
00:45:26,690 --> 00:45:29,807
Mr. Badalandabad, if you will insist
on bursting into my class unannounced,

782
00:45:29,967 --> 00:45:32,546
- then I think you should prepare to...
- No, we just wanted to have some fun.

783
00:45:32,734 --> 00:45:37,735
I really think you should prepare
to get your ass kicked.

784
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,710
(ALL HOOTING)

785
00:46:11,438 --> 00:46:12,190
Over there.

786
00:46:17,664 --> 00:46:19,311
Wait. Don't shoot.

787
00:46:19,750 --> 00:46:21,456
You big, strapping blokes

788
00:46:21,632 --> 00:46:23,902
wouldn't help me find my gun
under this muck, would you?

789
00:46:27,224 --> 00:46:28,723
Oh, look, here it is.

790
00:46:41,947 --> 00:46:43,474
So long, misfit.

791
00:46:44,870 --> 00:46:47,055
Penny, I just bought these.

792
00:46:47,499 --> 00:46:49,448
Sorry, Lexie, finger must have slipped.

793
00:46:57,421 --> 00:46:58,341
Hey!

794
00:47:25,998 --> 00:47:27,918
You know, I'm sorry
about Pip's behavior last night.

795
00:47:28,685 --> 00:47:30,985
He doesn't mean anything by it.
He just doesn't know any better.

796
00:47:31,563 --> 00:47:33,914
Either that or he does know better
and he just doesn't care.

797
00:47:34,419 --> 00:47:35,856
No, Taj, you don't understand.

798
00:47:36,799 --> 00:47:40,407
Pip comes from a very important family,
one of the most powerful in England

799
00:47:40,580 --> 00:47:42,080
and sometimes
you just have to overlook the...

800
00:47:43,937 --> 00:47:44,969
Do you know what?

801
00:47:45,979 --> 00:47:47,364
I sound just like my father.

802
00:47:48,686 --> 00:47:49,896
- Sorry.
- It's all right.

803
00:47:50,731 --> 00:47:54,567
Look, aside from forgiving
all of Pip's awful faults,

804
00:47:54,996 --> 00:47:58,068
what exactly would you like to do
for the rest of your life?

805
00:47:58,950 --> 00:47:59,256
Oh, you'd laugh.

806
00:47:59,737 --> 00:48:00,548
No, I won't.

807
00:48:01,342 --> 00:48:02,587
It's absurd, really.

808
00:48:03,456 --> 00:48:05,368
I'd be one of the world's
foremost archeologists,

809
00:48:06,498 --> 00:48:08,966
traveling the world
in search of ancient antiquities.

810
00:48:10,897 --> 00:48:12,480
That sounds fascinating.

811
00:48:14,052 --> 00:48:15,419
It's not that easy.

812
00:48:15,871 --> 00:48:17,778
My parents have
certain expectations of me

813
00:48:17,966 --> 00:48:19,686
and archeology
certainly isn't one of them.

814
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:20,820
As my mother says,

815
00:48:21,073 --> 00:48:24,017
"The future wife of an earl doesn't get
on her hands and knees."

816
00:48:24,491 --> 00:48:25,780
Not with her rings on, anyway.

817
00:48:27,047 --> 00:48:28,106
How about you?

818
00:48:28,912 --> 00:48:30,992
What else would you like to do
with your life?

819
00:48:32,836 --> 00:48:34,463
I want to be right here.

820
00:48:36,932 --> 00:48:39,051
The university is all the better
for having you,

821
00:48:39,825 --> 00:48:42,449
- and your students absolutely love you.
- No, I don't mean the university.

822
00:48:45,066 --> 00:48:48,312
I mean, just be here.

823
00:48:51,104 --> 00:48:54,411
What I'm trying to say is that I feel...

824
00:48:55,021 --> 00:48:56,897
I feel...

825
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:58,899
(GROANING)

826
00:48:59,454 --> 00:49:00,560
My balls.

827
00:49:13,478 --> 00:49:14,768
Pip.

828
00:49:14,922 --> 00:49:16,327
What in God's name have you been doing?

829
00:49:16,561 --> 00:49:18,862
We've been reenacting
the Battle of Agincourt. It was fantastic.

830
00:49:19,108 --> 00:49:19,908
You did what?

831
00:49:20,795 --> 00:49:23,407
I can't talk now. I'll call you later.

832
00:49:24,945 --> 00:49:26,527
Hey, wait up.

833
00:49:27,055 --> 00:49:29,140
They've been spending
an awful lot of time together.

834
00:49:29,437 --> 00:49:31,554
You don't suppose that she and he are...

835
00:49:32,399 --> 00:49:34,422
Oh, God, no. Not my Charlie.

836
00:49:35,137 --> 00:49:37,664
No, I'm afraid the poor old dear
has a soft spot

837
00:49:38,210 --> 00:49:39,554
for that curry-breathing cretin

838
00:49:39,761 --> 00:49:42,016
and his band of mutants,
micks and whores.

839
00:49:42,324 --> 00:49:43,579
You always see the best in people.

840
00:49:43,834 --> 00:49:46,059
You know what they say.
Lords have mercy.

841
00:49:47,397 --> 00:49:50,333
Welcome everyone
to the Mastermind Challenge.

842
00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:57,609
The team that wins the challenge
gets 50 points towards the Hastings Cup.

843
00:49:58,233 --> 00:50:00,594
Please wait until the question
has been completed.

844
00:50:00,812 --> 00:50:02,222
Percy stole the answers.

845
00:50:03,131 --> 00:50:04,675
But don't make it too obvious.

846
00:50:04,888 --> 00:50:07,719
Question number one.
Please finish the following Churchill quote.

847
00:50:07,918 --> 00:50:09,892
"Let it roll. Let it roll on full flood..."

848
00:50:10,381 --> 00:50:11,070
That would be...

849
00:50:11,554 --> 00:50:15,403
"...inexorable, irresistible, benignant,
to broader lands and better days."

850
00:50:15,602 --> 00:50:17,265
Point, Cock and Bulls.

851
00:50:19,801 --> 00:50:22,398
How many members of the Beatles
have been knighted by the Queen?

852
00:50:22,569 --> 00:50:24,297
- I think that would be...
- Only one, Sir Paul McCartney.

853
00:50:24,532 --> 00:50:25,980
Point, Cock and Bulls.

854
00:50:28,254 --> 00:50:29,573
Never mind, make it obvious.

855
00:50:30,189 --> 00:50:31,935
Who is the inventor of the device
known as the microscope?

856
00:50:32,096 --> 00:50:33,187
Anton van Leeuwenhoek.

857
00:50:33,367 --> 00:50:35,322
Point, Cock and Bulls.

858
00:50:37,545 --> 00:50:39,568
Who is the captain of the last English team
to win the World Cup?

859
00:50:39,774 --> 00:50:42,260
- Bobby Moore.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.

860
00:50:43,287 --> 00:50:45,162
In what Shakespearean plays
do ghosts appear?

861
00:50:45,333 --> 00:50:47,217
Julius Caesar, Richard III,
Hamlet and Macbeth.

862
00:50:47,437 --> 00:50:49,011
In what year
was the Suez Canal inaugurated?

863
00:50:49,201 --> 00:50:50,245
1869.

864
00:50:50,425 --> 00:50:51,048
Point, Cock and Bulls.

865
00:50:51,375 --> 00:50:53,477
- What was the name of the island where...
- The Gal�pagos Islands.

866
00:50:53,712 --> 00:50:55,064
- What is the scientific name for...
- Sodium chloride.

867
00:50:55,271 --> 00:50:56,519
- What is the...
- The flux capacitor.

868
00:50:56,967 --> 00:50:58,301
Would you say something? Just anything.

869
00:50:58,488 --> 00:50:58,832
- How many of the...
- Fifteen.

870
00:50:59,003 --> 00:51:00,532
- Seventeen.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.

871
00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,052
- What, in biology...
- A gerbil.

872
00:51:02,248 --> 00:51:03,087
- Which...
- Gonorrhea.

873
00:51:03,331 --> 00:51:03,866
- Who...
- William Shatner.

874
00:51:04,126 --> 00:51:05,527
Nicolae Ceausescu.

875
00:51:05,816 --> 00:51:06,806
- Tell me...
- George Lazenby.

876
00:51:06,984 --> 00:51:07,848
Point, Cock and Bulls.

877
00:51:08,030 --> 00:51:09,104
- Large dog.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.

878
00:51:09,329 --> 00:51:10,896
- Modus operandi.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.

879
00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:11,944
You know, this guy is very good.

880
00:51:12,141 --> 00:51:13,379
The Battle of Trafalgar.

881
00:51:13,576 --> 00:51:14,858
Pocket rocket. Fats Domino.

882
00:51:15,306 --> 00:51:16,658
More commonly known as diarrhea.

883
00:51:17,090 --> 00:51:18,894
Point, Cock and Bulls.

884
00:51:19,127 --> 00:51:21,300
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

885
00:51:21,929 --> 00:51:23,026
(WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR
PLAYING)

886
00:51:23,234 --> 00:51:26,903
The Cock and Bulls win
the Mastermind Challenge.

887
00:51:52,031 --> 00:51:54,100
"In a stunning upset
on the rugby field yesterday,

888
00:51:54,423 --> 00:51:56,565
"the Cock and Bulls
defeated Hampshire House

889
00:51:57,524 --> 00:51:58,833
(ALL CHEERING)

890
00:51:59,044 --> 00:52:00,789
"to win the match
in final seconds of the game,

891
00:52:01,219 --> 00:52:04,450
"thanks to a stellar athletic performance
by Seamus O'Toole."

892
00:52:04,859 --> 00:52:07,235
Don't worry, ladies, I still have
another stellar athletic performance,

893
00:52:07,651 --> 00:52:09,097
or two, still left in me.

894
00:52:09,532 --> 00:52:11,396
I have just met
the most spectacular bloke.

895
00:52:11,939 --> 00:52:13,261
He didn't look at my tits once.

896
00:52:17,087 --> 00:52:19,708
Maybe he's a trouser pilot.
What if he don't fancy gals?

897
00:52:20,025 --> 00:52:21,869
Bet you a fiver he wishes you had a cock.

898
00:52:22,330 --> 00:52:23,400
Oh, piss off, bush mill.

899
00:52:23,992 --> 00:52:27,021
Taji, I'm nervous.
You know, I like this bloke.

900
00:52:27,235 --> 00:52:30,129
He's classy, the kind of guy
who'd be going out with a proper lady.

901
00:52:30,932 --> 00:52:32,719
I just don't think it'll work
between me and him.

902
00:52:32,979 --> 00:52:35,242
Sadie, if you think that this is a guy
who's worth getting to know,

903
00:52:35,483 --> 00:52:36,731
then by all means, get to know him.

904
00:52:37,628 --> 00:52:40,959
Money and position make no difference
when it comes to matters of the heart.

905
00:52:42,881 --> 00:52:43,804
Do you guys really believe that?

906
00:52:44,183 --> 00:52:45,172
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.

907
00:52:46,235 --> 00:52:47,322
Yeah.

908
00:52:51,968 --> 00:52:55,000
Pip, the Cock and Bulls did very well
on the rugby field the other day.

909
00:52:55,777 --> 00:52:58,159
If they win the dog show on Saturday,
we could be in real trouble.

910
00:52:58,677 --> 00:52:59,661
Roger,

911
00:52:59,864 --> 00:53:01,773
sometimes the Almighty,
in his infinite wisdom,

912
00:53:02,068 --> 00:53:05,080
likes to give a sliver of hope
to the downtrodden and underprivileged

913
00:53:05,425 --> 00:53:07,296
to make up for their inferior haircuts

914
00:53:07,579 --> 00:53:10,284
and the fact they have to winter
and summer in the same place.

915
00:53:11,688 --> 00:53:13,501
The Cock and Bulls are entering
a mongrel beast

916
00:53:14,346 --> 00:53:17,145
and we're entering
Chauncey Avalon Renaissance,

917
00:53:17,575 --> 00:53:20,972
a direct bloodline to the legendary
Zurich von Edelweiss.

918
00:53:21,399 --> 00:53:22,818
You're right. We can't lose.

919
00:53:23,411 --> 00:53:24,755
No, we can't.

920
00:53:25,238 --> 00:53:27,749
Particularly since I've prepared
some extra insurance.

921
00:53:28,444 --> 00:53:30,100
- Ding dong.
- Ding dong.

922
00:53:34,333 --> 00:53:36,570
My ancestors did not create
the Hastings Cup

923
00:53:36,849 --> 00:53:39,569
so that rejects like the Cock and Bulls
could make a mockery out of it.

924
00:53:40,149 --> 00:53:43,035
Bon app�tit, Balzac,
and bon voyage, losers.

925
00:53:43,449 --> 00:53:44,414
Maxirod.

926
00:53:44,607 --> 00:53:47,702
Enlargen, Manhammer?
Where did you get this stuff?

927
00:53:49,379 --> 00:53:51,302
Oh, I accidentally took it
from my father's traveling kit.

928
00:53:51,661 --> 00:53:53,450
But it says Pip Everett, Jr.
on the prescriptions.

929
00:53:53,779 --> 00:53:54,480
- A typo.
- On all three bottles.

930
00:53:54,695 --> 00:53:55,659
Look, shut up.

931
00:54:32,126 --> 00:54:34,518
How many times have I told you
never to take food from strangers?

932
00:54:37,684 --> 00:54:40,813
Lads, tomorrow's dog show will go down
as one for the ages.

933
00:54:43,102 --> 00:54:46,249
To victory tomorrow
and the Hastings Cup.

934
00:54:47,966 --> 00:54:48,910
Hey, Chauncey.

935
00:54:49,407 --> 00:54:50,798
- PIP: Cheers.
- Here you go.

936
00:54:51,168 --> 00:54:52,630
Sorry, buddy.

937
00:55:11,739 --> 00:55:12,871
MAN: Chauncey!

938
00:55:14,307 --> 00:55:14,920
Bravo!

939
00:55:15,235 --> 00:55:15,554
Bravo, Chauncey.

940
00:55:31,026 --> 00:55:33,041
How're you doing, buddy, huh?

941
00:55:33,382 --> 00:55:37,731
You ready to go? You doing all right?
Yeah? You ready to kick some tail?

942
00:55:38,678 --> 00:55:39,969
Yeah, I think you are.

943
00:55:40,186 --> 00:55:41,109
Good luck today.

944
00:55:41,928 --> 00:55:43,874
Oh, thank you. Have a good show.

945
00:55:44,084 --> 00:55:49,284
Oh, we shall. I'm looking forward
to some stiff competition out there.

946
00:55:49,534 --> 00:55:50,860
I'm sure you are, Poop.
Pip.

947
00:55:51,186 --> 00:55:53,047
Honest mistake, diarrhea face.

948
00:55:54,263 --> 00:55:57,279
What? What did I just say?
What did I just say, buddy?

949
00:55:57,688 --> 00:56:00,900
Bijou Caronta and his dachshund, Fritz.

950
00:56:11,045 --> 00:56:15,127
Strong jaw line, extended chest,
good firm buttocks.

951
00:56:16,153 --> 00:56:17,694
Reminds me of a young Susan Sarandon.

952
00:56:18,809 --> 00:56:20,585
Taj Badla...

953
00:56:20,755 --> 00:56:21,581
(STAMMERING)

954
00:56:22,573 --> 00:56:23,772
Showtime.

955
00:56:26,426 --> 00:56:27,405
Badalandabad.

956
00:56:27,765 --> 00:56:29,946
And his bulldog, Balzac.

957
00:56:49,562 --> 00:56:50,406
PIP: That's strange.

958
00:56:51,764 --> 00:56:52,815
Doesn't seem to be working.

959
00:56:53,023 --> 00:56:54,069
Maybe the pills went bad.

960
00:56:54,287 --> 00:56:55,326
Well, they worked fine last Saturday.

961
00:56:56,566 --> 00:56:57,818
My father happened to mention.

962
00:57:03,370 --> 00:57:07,614
JUDGE: My God, this animal is magnificent.

963
00:57:14,967 --> 00:57:16,372
It was a piece of cake.

964
00:57:16,878 --> 00:57:21,326
Oh, I really hope it isn't too "hard-on" you.

965
00:57:23,665 --> 00:57:28,524
Pip Everett, the Earl of Grey,
and his Great Dane, Chauncey.

966
00:57:48,612 --> 00:57:50,821
Chauncey! Halt!

967
00:57:59,529 --> 00:58:01,407
Chauncey!

968
00:58:02,255 --> 00:58:04,313
Chauncey!

969
00:58:09,409 --> 00:58:10,343
Chauncey.

970
00:58:12,368 --> 00:58:13,524
Chauncey!

971
00:58:14,188 --> 00:58:14,757
(PEOPLE GROANING)

972
00:58:15,478 --> 00:58:16,281
Come.

973
00:58:18,729 --> 00:58:20,372
Chauncey, come.

974
00:58:21,203 --> 00:58:22,549
Chauncey.

975
00:58:23,157 --> 00:58:23,568
Chauncey!

976
00:58:23,798 --> 00:58:25,429
- What are you doing?
- Trust me.

977
00:58:25,956 --> 00:58:27,817
Chauncey, I said come!

978
00:58:28,140 --> 00:58:32,780
(CHAUNCEY HOWLING)

979
00:58:33,921 --> 00:58:35,634
Could someone please get her
a Tidy Wipe?

980
00:58:37,255 --> 00:58:41,584
How dare that Third-World, cow-loving
social reject humiliate me?

981
00:58:42,025 --> 00:58:44,447
And how could Charlie be
so endlessly amused by him?

982
00:58:44,651 --> 00:58:47,732
Your sister. Your sister, carrying on
with that repugnant troll friend of his.

983
00:58:48,067 --> 00:58:48,948
The world's gone mad, I tell you.

984
00:58:49,286 --> 00:58:53,139
Our very way of life is being threatened,
and I, for one, will not allow it to continue.

985
00:58:54,276 --> 00:58:58,499
Pip, perhaps we could find a better usage
for your sword.

986
00:58:59,421 --> 00:59:02,426
Alexandra, you're quite sure your sister
isn't joining the Cock and Bulls party.

987
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,053
Yes, Penelope ran to Mum and Dad's
for the night.

988
00:59:05,581 --> 00:59:07,356
And you and Penelope
are an identical match?

989
00:59:07,565 --> 00:59:11,466
Well, one of us has a birthmark.
Would you like to see it?

990
00:59:11,730 --> 00:59:14,920
If the rabble insist on being crushed
into oblivion, so be it.

991
00:59:15,381 --> 00:59:16,814
Alexandra, I'm going to need your help.

992
00:59:17,487 --> 00:59:17,928
(CHAUNCEY WHINING)

993
00:59:18,252 --> 00:59:21,550
Chauncey, do shut up.
The pills will wear off soon enough.

994
00:59:22,369 --> 00:59:23,649
Alexandra, why are you just sitting there?

995
00:59:23,877 --> 00:59:25,450
I thought you said you wanted to play
with my sword.

996
00:59:25,669 --> 00:59:26,345
Oh, right, yeah.

997
00:59:27,109 --> 00:59:30,331
(CRAZY BITCH PLAYING)

998
00:59:40,049 --> 00:59:41,275
Let's party!

999
00:59:41,498 --> 00:59:43,094
(WHOOPING)

1000
01:00:07,715 --> 01:00:08,491
TAJ: Can i have everyone's

1001
01:00:08,690 --> 01:00:10,616
Attention, please. Can I have...

1002
01:00:13,478 --> 01:00:14,608
(MUSIC STOPS)

1003
01:00:15,857 --> 01:00:17,686
I'd like to thank everyone
for coming tonight.

1004
01:00:18,090 --> 01:00:19,851
Thanks to Balzac's performance,

1005
01:00:20,523 --> 01:00:23,793
the Cock and Bulls are now only 20 points
behind the Fox and the Hounds,

1006
01:00:24,145 --> 01:00:28,393
which means whoever wins the next event
will win the Hastings Cup.

1007
01:00:29,968 --> 01:00:32,493
So now, let's just get inebriated.

1008
01:00:33,661 --> 01:00:34,652
(NUTHIN' BUT A DAWG PLAYING)

1009
01:00:35,149 --> 01:00:36,213
What's up, Gethin?

1010
01:00:36,388 --> 01:00:37,928
Where is Balzac, anyway?

1011
01:00:38,168 --> 01:00:40,929
I think he is otherwise engaged.

1012
01:00:41,189 --> 01:00:43,382
(BARKING)

1013
01:01:05,555 --> 01:01:07,897
- Taji.
- Sadie, how was your date?

1014
01:01:08,363 --> 01:01:10,606
Taji, you were right.
He was the perfect gentleman.

1015
01:01:10,820 --> 01:01:14,430
We had tea and then a candlelit dinner
and then a beautiful carriage ride.

1016
01:01:14,625 --> 01:01:16,123
- That's wonderful.
- Then we got scrambled,

1017
01:01:16,312 --> 01:01:18,542
he yanked off me scanties
and we shagged all night on the tiles.

1018
01:01:19,198 --> 01:01:20,558
- All right.
- Let's party.

1019
01:01:21,398 --> 01:01:22,751
Sir, there's a problem with Simon.

1020
01:01:23,588 --> 01:01:25,137
Excuse me. What?

1021
01:01:26,380 --> 01:01:27,336
TAJ: Simon?

1022
01:01:28,393 --> 01:01:29,831
I have...

1023
01:01:31,587 --> 01:01:33,017
I have a problem.

1024
01:01:33,260 --> 01:01:34,753
Oh, my God, he's talking.

1025
01:01:35,473 --> 01:01:39,426
Well, Simon, whatever your problem is,
we're your friends, you can tell us.

1026
01:01:39,930 --> 01:01:42,860
Well, you see,
it's to do with the size of my piddler.

1027
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:44,697
Your...

1028
01:01:47,603 --> 01:01:50,721
Well, you know, it's an understood fact

1029
01:01:51,117 --> 01:01:54,781
that a man's piddler is...

1030
01:01:56,336 --> 01:01:59,958
Appears smaller to himself
than it is in real life.

1031
01:02:00,864 --> 01:02:02,237
Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of.

1032
01:02:02,549 --> 01:02:05,686
'Cause according to me
it has some 11 inches.

1033
01:02:06,078 --> 01:02:07,728
Come again? Figuratively.

1034
01:02:08,540 --> 01:02:11,813
You see, the problem is
that every time I get aroused,

1035
01:02:12,004 --> 01:02:15,374
all the blood rushes from my head
to my... head.

1036
01:02:16,039 --> 01:02:18,226
And I can't talk.

1037
01:02:18,442 --> 01:02:18,805
But do you think it's gonna be...

1038
01:02:18,957 --> 01:02:20,062
(ALL SCREAM)

1039
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:20,720
- It's...
- It's...

1040
01:02:21,268 --> 01:02:22,950
- Yes.
- Yes, I think you'll be fine.

1041
01:02:23,417 --> 01:02:24,163
It works.

1042
01:02:28,607 --> 01:02:31,467
I'm sorry to interrupt you boys
tossing off your tally-whackers,

1043
01:02:31,653 --> 01:02:35,106
but, Taji, there's a beautiful young lady
waiting for you outside.

1044
01:02:37,798 --> 01:02:39,494
I'm surprised you don't get out more.

1045
01:02:43,453 --> 01:02:44,656
- Hello.
- CHARLOTTE: Smile.

1046
01:02:46,928 --> 01:02:49,412
Sorry, I just had to have a picture
of the wickedest party of the year.

1047
01:02:49,887 --> 01:02:51,810
Well, then, why don't you come on in,
grab a drink?

1048
01:02:51,997 --> 01:02:54,589
Wait. I have a surprise for you first.
Let's take a walk in the woods.

1049
01:02:54,771 --> 01:02:56,192
A surprise in the woods?

1050
01:02:56,369 --> 01:02:58,893
Well, can you give me a second?
Let me go repack my wallet real quick.

1051
01:02:59,154 --> 01:03:00,262
Come on.

1052
01:03:00,941 --> 01:03:10,558
(ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)

1053
01:03:11,553 --> 01:03:12,532
TAJ: Amazing.

1054
01:03:13,445 --> 01:03:14,704
Fantastic.

1055
01:03:15,169 --> 01:03:17,873
The Persephone comet hasn't been seen
in the English skies since...

1056
01:03:20,023 --> 01:03:23,621
- Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo.
- Yes.

1057
01:03:26,394 --> 01:03:27,831
Come on.

1058
01:03:32,389 --> 01:03:34,289
- I have one more surprise for you.
- Yeah?

1059
01:03:35,655 --> 01:03:36,993
Is this one scenery, too?

1060
01:04:04,137 --> 01:04:08,633
Hey, man, what are you looking at?

1061
01:04:43,183 --> 01:04:43,885
Hi.

1062
01:04:44,941 --> 01:04:49,343
Seamus was just telling me a story
about you. A very long one.

1063
01:04:50,528 --> 01:04:52,451
(GIGGLING)

1064
01:05:13,530 --> 01:05:16,393
Penelope?
I thought you were gone for the weekend.

1065
01:05:16,889 --> 01:05:22,253
Yes. I was,
but I just couldn't stop thinking of you.

1066
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:24,120
- You couldn't?
- No.

1067
01:05:25,358 --> 01:05:26,289
That's fantastic.

1068
01:05:26,696 --> 01:05:29,304
- Take me, Gavin.
- Gethin.

1069
01:05:29,545 --> 01:05:31,378
Whatever.

1070
01:05:34,060 --> 01:05:36,573
Wow. You seem so different.

1071
01:05:36,752 --> 01:05:38,781
Have you always had that birth mark
on your neck?

1072
01:05:39,013 --> 01:05:41,551
It matches this one.

1073
01:05:42,036 --> 01:05:44,279
- Any more dumb questions?
- No, I'm good.

1074
01:05:44,476 --> 01:05:45,597
Good.

1075
01:05:47,824 --> 01:05:50,440
There's nothing to be nervous about.

1076
01:05:50,993 --> 01:05:52,681
Just take off your clothes.

1077
01:05:56,999 --> 01:05:58,358
Okay.

1078
01:06:30,620 --> 01:06:31,811
Nice.

1079
01:06:36,863 --> 01:06:38,531
Take your bloody hands off me.

1080
01:06:38,706 --> 01:06:41,136
You whiskey-swilling Irish blockhead.

1081
01:06:43,184 --> 01:06:44,841
Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

1082
01:06:45,241 --> 01:06:48,719
No. Dilip, Kami and Alita.
We are the Badalandabads.

1083
01:06:48,988 --> 01:06:51,622
We have come to surprise our son,
Taj Mahal.

1084
01:06:52,431 --> 01:06:53,815
He's upstairs.

1085
01:06:53,992 --> 01:06:56,911
If you'll excuse me, I think I'm in love.

1086
01:07:19,529 --> 01:07:20,469
Excuse me.

1087
01:07:23,178 --> 01:07:24,931
Bad doggie.

1088
01:07:31,713 --> 01:07:32,363
Oops.

1089
01:07:35,167 --> 01:07:36,167
Oops.

1090
01:07:36,340 --> 01:07:38,785
I'm ready for you,
my little Yorkshire pudding.

1091
01:07:40,697 --> 01:07:41,574
- Surprise!
- Surprise!

1092
01:07:41,751 --> 01:07:43,206
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

1093
01:07:43,384 --> 01:07:44,064
Oh, my God!

1094
01:07:44,336 --> 01:07:46,344
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

1095
01:07:47,530 --> 01:07:49,338
Go! Go! Oh, my God.

1096
01:07:54,221 --> 01:07:55,141
CHARLOTTE: I don't care.

1097
01:08:00,128 --> 01:08:03,541
So... have a nice flight?

1098
01:08:05,387 --> 01:08:06,525
I warn you, Provost.

1099
01:08:06,728 --> 01:08:09,462
Prepare to be appalled
beyond your imagination.

1100
01:08:09,656 --> 01:08:10,723
Excuse me. Excuse me.

1101
01:08:10,945 --> 01:08:12,934
- Good Lord!
- Disgusting, isn't it, Provost?

1102
01:08:14,609 --> 01:08:17,057
- Coming through.
- GIRL: Hi, gorgeous.

1103
01:08:18,958 --> 01:08:19,953
Provost?

1104
01:08:21,566 --> 01:08:22,512
Provost?

1105
01:08:24,179 --> 01:08:25,338
Right this way, Provost.

1106
01:08:28,884 --> 01:08:30,447
Are you okay?

1107
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:40,273
Provost, he has knocked that woman out
with his schlong.

1108
01:08:41,212 --> 01:08:51,807
(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

1109
01:08:52,315 --> 01:08:54,227
Arey, don't worry, beta.

1110
01:08:54,472 --> 01:08:55,460
They will get over it.

1111
01:08:55,893 --> 01:08:58,473
It's not like your family
has never seen you naked before.

1112
01:08:59,436 --> 01:09:02,213
Okay, maybe not quite as hairy...

1113
01:09:02,719 --> 01:09:03,648
- Dad.
- But still.

1114
01:09:05,192 --> 01:09:09,359
So, is there someone special,
or were you just...

1115
01:09:10,931 --> 01:09:12,207
No! Yes!

1116
01:09:12,376 --> 01:09:14,465
No, I mean... Yes, there was somebody.

1117
01:09:14,837 --> 01:09:15,866
Really?

1118
01:09:16,482 --> 01:09:19,425
And how schlong... long
have you been seeing her?

1119
01:09:20,006 --> 01:09:23,437
Well, tonight was actually
our first night together.

1120
01:09:23,903 --> 01:09:25,148
And already in your bedroom.

1121
01:09:25,407 --> 01:09:28,447
Shabaash, beta. My son is a hound doggie!

1122
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:30,842
A chip off the old Badalandabads.

1123
01:09:31,310 --> 01:09:35,121
You got the old Camford
chick-a-day calendar, huh, beta?

1124
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:36,930
- Beta?
- Something like that.

1125
01:09:37,585 --> 01:09:39,334
Penelope?

1126
01:09:40,168 --> 01:09:41,417
My little vixen, I'm ready.

1127
01:09:42,577 --> 01:09:44,403
Honey bunny? I'm ready.

1128
01:09:46,756 --> 01:09:48,970
Penelope, I'm not quite sure
how this works.

1129
01:09:49,809 --> 01:09:51,437
Do I get disciplined now?

1130
01:09:53,304 --> 01:09:56,718
- PROVOST: Absolutely.
- Are you enjoying the party, sir?

1131
01:09:59,291 --> 01:10:01,493
You know, beta, I envy you.

1132
01:10:02,045 --> 01:10:03,685
You are just like I was.

1133
01:10:03,989 --> 01:10:06,137
A chip off the old Badalandabads.

1134
01:10:07,336 --> 01:10:12,006
Attending the big bad bone dance,
morning, noon and night.

1135
01:10:12,423 --> 01:10:16,439
The pink taco stand
delivering 24 hours a day,

1136
01:10:16,701 --> 01:10:17,696
free of charge.

1137
01:10:18,006 --> 01:10:19,778
(EXCLAIMING)

1138
01:10:20,017 --> 01:10:21,761
Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad, listen.

1139
01:10:22,610 --> 01:10:23,826
No dishum.

1140
01:10:24,076 --> 01:10:25,144
- No dishum.
- No.

1141
01:10:25,498 --> 01:10:29,362
I am not a chip off the old Badalandabad
and I'm not a hound doggie. I'm sorry.

1142
01:10:29,905 --> 01:10:31,885
I tried to live up to your legacy.
I really did.

1143
01:10:32,073 --> 01:10:33,756
But I'm afraid I disappointed you.

1144
01:10:34,204 --> 01:10:38,614
You see, I really have fallen for someone,
and it's just one girl.

1145
01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:40,368
Just one girl?

1146
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:43,231
Just one.

1147
01:10:47,241 --> 01:10:48,673
I see.

1148
01:10:49,483 --> 01:10:54,134
So, this one girl is feeling the same
as you are?

1149
01:10:55,756 --> 01:10:57,250
I believe so.

1150
01:11:00,728 --> 01:11:03,737
Well, I guess we are not all cut out
to be hound doggies.

1151
01:11:07,374 --> 01:11:08,704
You're not disappointed?

1152
01:11:09,771 --> 01:11:12,798
How can I be disappointed? You're my son.

1153
01:11:13,639 --> 01:11:15,187
It is watching you
come into your own as a man

1154
01:11:15,700 --> 01:11:18,043
that makes me feel so proud of you, beta.

1155
01:11:18,545 --> 01:11:21,803
Come, give your father a big squashy.

1156
01:11:25,302 --> 01:11:27,450
- No, no, Dad, I need another hug.
- Oh, beta.

1157
01:11:27,954 --> 01:11:29,182
- Oh, beta, I love you.
- It's okay.

1158
01:11:29,403 --> 01:11:31,755
Beta, I can't breathe.
I can't breathe, my beta.

1159
01:11:32,133 --> 01:11:33,709
Beta, I can't breathe.

1160
01:11:33,895 --> 01:11:35,571
(GROANING) Oh, I love you, too. I love you.
My testicles!

1161
01:11:35,748 --> 01:11:37,069
Bye.

1162
01:11:37,489 --> 01:11:38,963
Sorry, did I ruin a moment?

1163
01:11:39,997 --> 01:11:41,029
What the hell are you doing here?

1164
01:11:41,234 --> 01:11:43,487
Provost and I made some
interesting discoveries this evening.

1165
01:11:44,695 --> 01:11:48,657
Stolen copies of next week's history test
in your students' rooms.

1166
01:11:50,074 --> 01:11:51,526
My students would never cheat.

1167
01:11:52,070 --> 01:11:55,020
Yes. Well, you can tell your story
to the disciplinary committee

1168
01:11:55,230 --> 01:11:56,902
first thing in the morning.

1169
01:11:58,690 --> 01:12:00,618
You know, it's funny
how things work out, isn't it?

1170
01:12:01,732 --> 01:12:05,870
I suggest you start packing, Paki.

1171
01:12:07,836 --> 01:12:09,472
Restraint, my boy. Restraint.

1172
01:12:10,141 --> 01:12:13,126
- He's mine.
- Dad!

1173
01:12:14,694 --> 01:12:19,630
Camford University is the greatest
institution of higher learning in the world.

1174
01:12:19,833 --> 01:12:22,693
We take transgressions most seriously.

1175
01:12:22,989 --> 01:12:28,376
So it is I must inform you
that you're all expelled.

1176
01:12:29,678 --> 01:12:30,952
I stole the exam.

1177
01:12:31,170 --> 01:12:33,610
- GETHIN: Sir, that's ridiculous.
- Quiet, Gethin, this is how it must be.

1178
01:12:36,081 --> 01:12:38,500
I don't know the first thing
about English history,

1179
01:12:38,752 --> 01:12:40,669
so how could I have expected my students
to pass an exam.

1180
01:12:41,496 --> 01:12:45,357
I admit it was a weak moment.
But it was my weak moment, not theirs.

1181
01:12:45,552 --> 01:12:50,132
Well, you understand that this would
mean your immediate expulsion.

1182
01:12:50,490 --> 01:12:51,063
Yes.

1183
01:12:52,302 --> 01:12:54,925
I only ask that you not penalize
my students for something

1184
01:12:55,135 --> 01:12:56,486
for which I'm clearly to blame.

1185
01:12:56,687 --> 01:12:59,083
They all have to be expelled.
They've already seen the exam.

1186
01:12:59,656 --> 01:13:02,751
I don't see why the entire house
should be penalized

1187
01:13:03,231 --> 01:13:05,132
for Mr. Ba...

1188
01:13:05,426 --> 01:13:06,575
ALL: Badalandabad!

1189
01:13:06,774 --> 01:13:07,802
- Thank you.
- Oh, yes.

1190
01:13:08,465 --> 01:13:09,762
Well, for his transgressions.

1191
01:13:09,964 --> 01:13:12,950
We'll give them an oral exam.

1192
01:13:13,425 --> 01:13:17,972
If they pass, they're back in.
If not, well, they're out.

1193
01:13:18,412 --> 01:13:19,261
PIP: Fine.

1194
01:13:19,472 --> 01:13:23,120
But meanwhile, Mr. Badalandabad,
we accept your expulsion.

1195
01:13:29,473 --> 01:13:30,968
Wait. Charlotte, let me explain.

1196
01:13:31,179 --> 01:13:32,625
I've heard more than enough, thank you.

1197
01:13:33,104 --> 01:13:35,620
I cannot believe we bought in
to all of your nonsense.

1198
01:13:35,833 --> 01:13:36,523
But...

1199
01:13:37,007 --> 01:13:39,497
Those kids idolized you. I admired you.

1200
01:13:40,609 --> 01:13:43,294
But the joke's on all of us, isn't it?
Because you're nothing but a cheat.

1201
01:13:43,487 --> 01:13:45,017
Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody, okay?

1202
01:13:45,222 --> 01:13:46,226
- If you would just let me explain...
- No.

1203
01:13:46,427 --> 01:13:49,285
The road to hell is paved
with good intentions, isn't it?

1204
01:13:50,296 --> 01:13:53,113
Good day, Mr. Badalandabad.

1205
01:13:54,128 --> 01:14:40,965
(AFTERMATH PLAYING)

1206
01:14:56,722 --> 01:14:57,792
MAN: We all know why we're here.

1207
01:14:59,052 --> 01:15:00,459
Let's begin.

1208
01:15:10,924 --> 01:15:13,474
(WOMAN GROANING)

1209
01:15:13,686 --> 01:15:15,823
Come on, baby. Come on.

1210
01:15:16,233 --> 01:15:19,341
Daddy's leaving soon.
Oh, you wanna give it to me, don't you?

1211
01:15:19,938 --> 01:15:21,718
Come on.
I'm trying a different tactic here, baby.

1212
01:15:21,922 --> 01:15:23,696
I'm trying to be nice to you.

1213
01:15:24,356 --> 01:15:26,464
You don't like it nice, do you,
you little whore?

1214
01:15:26,814 --> 01:15:28,507
- Hey, guys. How did it go?
- WOMAN: Oh, baby.

1215
01:15:32,978 --> 01:15:35,459
Well, look, the important thing
is that you tried, all right? It...

1216
01:15:37,877 --> 01:15:38,627
You passed?

1217
01:15:39,003 --> 01:15:40,941
- Oh, you passed.
- Yeah!

1218
01:15:41,218 --> 01:15:43,386
(ALL YELLING)

1219
01:15:44,943 --> 01:15:46,144
What's wrong, Gethin?

1220
01:15:47,119 --> 01:15:48,964
Oh, well, this is all thanks to you, sir.

1221
01:15:49,325 --> 01:15:50,275
And as soon as you leave tomorrow,

1222
01:15:50,485 --> 01:15:52,275
we're going to get slaughtered
in the Hastings Cup.

1223
01:15:52,824 --> 01:15:55,290
Oh, please, Gethin.
That's absolutely ridiculous.

1224
01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:56,772
This is all thanks to you guys.

1225
01:15:56,992 --> 01:15:59,295
You know, I had a feeling
that you guys would pass,

1226
01:15:59,574 --> 01:16:03,821
so I prepared some libations.

1227
01:16:04,024 --> 01:16:06,147
Now, you guys were outcasts
when you got here,

1228
01:16:06,398 --> 01:16:10,911
and you showed those privileged
snotbags that you were their better.

1229
01:16:12,632 --> 01:16:13,941
And because of your hard work,

1230
01:16:14,393 --> 01:16:18,714
Camford, one of the finest institutions
in the world, is now yours.

1231
01:16:20,191 --> 01:16:23,837
And it's time you get out there,
and kick some Fox and Hounds ass,

1232
01:16:24,075 --> 01:16:25,681
and win the Hastings Cup.

1233
01:16:26,805 --> 01:16:29,731
- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls.

1234
01:16:29,924 --> 01:16:30,813
Oh, come on, this again.

1235
01:16:31,246 --> 01:16:34,700
- To the Cock and Bulls!
- To the Cock and Bulls!

1236
01:17:12,325 --> 01:17:14,088
Taj Mahal, beta, cheer up a little.

1237
01:17:14,316 --> 01:17:16,039
You will find another school
which will make you happy.

1238
01:17:19,404 --> 01:17:22,562
Dad, I'm really, really sorry
that I disappointed you.

1239
01:17:22,734 --> 01:17:24,942
I just wanted to follow in
your legendary footsteps.

1240
01:17:27,947 --> 01:17:30,173
Did I not tell you about your stories,
Dilip, huh?

1241
01:17:30,975 --> 01:17:32,167
Tell him.

1242
01:17:34,349 --> 01:17:39,391
Taj, I may have told you
a slight stretching of the truth.

1243
01:17:40,872 --> 01:17:43,979
I'm afraid I was never a member
of the Foxes and Hounds.

1244
01:17:44,594 --> 01:17:45,665
What?

1245
01:17:46,780 --> 01:17:48,412
But all those stories?

1246
01:17:49,882 --> 01:17:52,985
Wait. The ones about being the
sultan of snatch are true, though, right?

1247
01:17:54,559 --> 01:17:57,069
That would be a fine thing.
He's lucky to even find it.

1248
01:17:57,802 --> 01:17:59,994
More like the sultan of splat.

1249
01:18:00,206 --> 01:18:03,371
One must admit, it can be somewhat
difficult to locate at times.

1250
01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:04,432
Hang on. Hang on.

1251
01:18:04,599 --> 01:18:06,194
Why were you not in
the Foxes and Hounds?

1252
01:18:07,036 --> 01:18:08,533
I thought I was accepted.

1253
01:18:08,720 --> 01:18:12,011
But when I arrived,
there had been some sort of mistake.

1254
01:18:12,624 --> 01:18:14,687
A typographical error, they said.

1255
01:18:15,340 --> 01:18:16,316
You're kidding.

1256
01:18:16,868 --> 01:18:18,025
It's okay, beta.

1257
01:18:18,267 --> 01:18:21,290
Maybe this university is not the place
for us Badalandabads.

1258
01:18:22,182 --> 01:18:24,328
Come. Let's go home.

1259
01:18:27,652 --> 01:18:30,369
Can you guys please give me
a few minutes alone?

1260
01:18:31,124 --> 01:18:34,712
Haan, beta. Of course. Chalo.
We will wait outside.

1261
01:18:43,588 --> 01:18:45,886
Guess I won't be needing
that golf cart, Van.

1262
01:18:46,234 --> 01:18:49,625
- How fast does that golf cart go?
- What are you doing here?

1263
01:18:49,970 --> 01:18:52,773
There's no time. I'll explain on the way.

1264
01:18:54,285 --> 01:18:59,326
Welcome everybody to
the final competition for the Hastings Cup.

1265
01:18:59,799 --> 01:19:04,440
(ALL APPLAUDING)

1266
01:19:07,449 --> 01:19:10,718
Now, only two teams
have accrued enough points

1267
01:19:11,155 --> 01:19:13,867
to compete in the final event.

1268
01:19:14,143 --> 01:19:15,655
The Fox and Hounds,

1269
01:19:15,857 --> 01:19:17,689
and the Cock and Bulls.

1270
01:19:18,494 --> 01:19:21,232
Fox and Hounds, who will represent you?

1271
01:19:21,724 --> 01:19:22,789
I will.

1272
01:19:23,251 --> 01:19:25,902
Cock and Bulls, who will represent you?

1273
01:19:27,817 --> 01:19:29,355
I will.

1274
01:19:29,959 --> 01:19:34,056
(PEOPLE GASPING)

1275
01:19:34,952 --> 01:19:37,893
What are you doing here?
You've been expelled.

1276
01:19:38,074 --> 01:19:41,798
I'm afraid Mr. Everett's correct.
Only current students are...

1277
01:19:42,100 --> 01:19:43,930
Provost Cunningham, I think
you'll find a reinstatement is in order.

1278
01:19:44,140 --> 01:19:46,512
- Charlie, have you lost your senses?
- Quite the opposite.

1279
01:19:47,498 --> 01:19:49,140
If you look closely at this photo,

1280
01:19:49,305 --> 01:19:51,564
you'll see that a woman
is holding the stolen exam papers.

1281
01:19:52,056 --> 01:19:55,308
Which means it couldn't have been Taj.
He was just helping his friends.

1282
01:19:57,673 --> 01:20:01,811
Don't just stand there, young man.
You've got a competition to compete in.

1283
01:20:05,934 --> 01:20:07,172
Cheers.

1284
01:20:10,147 --> 01:20:13,070
ALL: Cock and Bulls!

1285
01:20:13,569 --> 01:20:14,906
En garde.

1286
01:20:19,046 --> 01:20:22,124
Point, Fox and Hounds.

1287
01:20:25,509 --> 01:20:27,738
- Okay, he is good.
- You're not concentrating.

1288
01:20:27,903 --> 01:20:30,073
Every time, he attacks from his left
and exposes his chest,

1289
01:20:30,483 --> 01:20:31,374
that's when you attack.

1290
01:20:31,556 --> 01:20:32,346
Hello. I'm trying.

1291
01:20:32,533 --> 01:20:34,541
But his lightning-fast blows
make it a little bit difficult.

1292
01:20:35,024 --> 01:20:37,372
- Oh, our first fight.
- Just go.

1293
01:20:47,152 --> 01:20:48,777
PROVOST: Point, Cock and Bulls.

1294
01:20:55,143 --> 01:20:57,456
- That was great. Got any more advice?
- Yeah.

1295
01:21:02,172 --> 01:21:03,878
Note taken.

1296
01:21:04,202 --> 01:21:05,627
You know, I think
I'm finally starting to scare him.

1297
01:21:06,362 --> 01:21:07,803
(CROWD GASPS)

1298
01:21:08,711 --> 01:21:10,980
Somebody has some anger issues.

1299
01:21:13,832 --> 01:21:16,305
Let's settle this like my ancestors did,
shall we?

1300
01:21:16,487 --> 01:21:18,414
- You want to exploit me economically?
- No.

1301
01:21:19,889 --> 01:21:21,636
- First blood.
- First blood?

1302
01:21:23,400 --> 01:21:25,667
Come on, Paki, it's your chance to stick it
to the British aristocracy.

1303
01:21:28,599 --> 01:21:30,270
Pip, stop it.

1304
01:21:33,932 --> 01:21:34,668
Pip, I hate to pry,

1305
01:21:35,102 --> 01:21:36,790
but do you think
your sword obsession is over...

1306
01:21:37,344 --> 01:21:39,251
Overcompensation for your shortcomings!

1307
01:21:44,134 --> 01:21:47,897
Violence doesn't solve anything, bitch.

1308
01:21:51,011 --> 01:21:52,576
I'm sorry!

1309
01:21:52,816 --> 01:21:53,792
No, I'm not.

1310
01:21:55,263 --> 01:21:56,438
Gethin.

1311
01:21:57,377 --> 01:21:58,197
Thank you.

1312
01:21:59,298 --> 01:22:00,283
Oh, shit.

1313
01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:02,663
I don't think you get it, Raji.
We don't want you here.

1314
01:22:16,275 --> 01:22:19,198
If we weren't here, who would tend to
your fossil gardens and serve you tea

1315
01:22:19,410 --> 01:22:21,134
while you pretend to be important,
you goron?

1316
01:22:22,959 --> 01:22:26,308
I'm sure I'd survive, Raji.
Can't say the same about you.

1317
01:22:35,402 --> 01:22:37,241
You are pompous,
you're racist, you're sexist

1318
01:22:37,490 --> 01:22:41,078
and dress like a dance instructor
on a cruise ship.

1319
01:22:45,477 --> 01:22:47,689
Looks like it's curtains for you, Raji.

1320
01:22:48,227 --> 01:22:49,629
Good idea, Pip.

1321
01:22:51,133 --> 01:22:53,041
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

1322
01:22:59,002 --> 01:23:01,438
Up and over.

1323
01:23:02,036 --> 01:23:04,510
Oh, my God. Pip, that was fantastic.
How did you do that?

1324
01:23:04,699 --> 01:23:06,802
Well, I work out, I train.
You got to eat right...

1325
01:23:11,902 --> 01:23:13,736
This is becoming rather tiresome.

1326
01:23:20,021 --> 01:23:21,796
(WHISPERS) Go for the Rathbone.

1327
01:23:24,382 --> 01:23:26,753
The Rathbone. Very impressive.

1328
01:23:28,033 --> 01:23:30,786
But bad news. I taught it to her.

1329
01:23:33,050 --> 01:23:34,743
Time to meet your ancestors, Haji.

1330
01:23:35,007 --> 01:23:37,649
Oh, yeah?
Perhaps you'd like to meet yours.

1331
01:23:42,102 --> 01:23:44,316
No!

1332
01:23:44,593 --> 01:23:50,364
Father!

1333
01:23:51,344 --> 01:23:54,272
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

1334
01:23:59,510 --> 01:24:01,284
And the name is Taj.

1335
01:24:01,492 --> 01:24:03,234
PROVOST: Point and match, Mr. Ba...

1336
01:24:03,417 --> 01:24:06,169
(STAMMERING)

1337
01:24:06,425 --> 01:24:08,131
ALL: Badalandabad!

1338
01:24:11,007 --> 01:24:12,795
Somebody please get me a Tidy Wipe.

1339
01:24:13,651 --> 01:24:16,042
Congratulations, young man.
Congratulations.

1340
01:24:24,538 --> 01:24:27,176
Ladies and gentlemen,

1341
01:24:28,209 --> 01:24:32,411
I give you this year's winners,
the Cock and Bulls,

1342
01:24:32,897 --> 01:24:36,095
winners of this year's Hastings Cup.

1343
01:24:39,358 --> 01:24:41,171
Hooray!

1344
01:24:41,745 --> 01:24:43,410
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

1345
01:24:45,054 --> 01:24:48,413
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

1346
01:24:48,696 --> 01:24:52,177
My father donates millions of pounds
to this university.

1347
01:24:52,617 --> 01:24:55,090
Consider repercussions
of what you're about to do.

1348
01:24:58,053 --> 01:25:00,691
- Tell him.
- All right. All right.

1349
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:06,279
Pip stole the exam papers
and he got me to put them in their rooms.

1350
01:25:06,709 --> 01:25:08,449
(PEOPLE GASPING)

1351
01:25:08,952 --> 01:25:14,078
Well, perhaps you should consider the
repercussions of what you've done, Pip.

1352
01:25:14,262 --> 01:25:16,675
Yes, he's right. You're expelled.

1353
01:25:23,225 --> 01:25:25,807
Good, I couldn't stand that little snotbag.

1354
01:25:28,607 --> 01:25:29,405
Sammy!

1355
01:25:32,338 --> 01:25:34,227
Sammy!

1356
01:25:37,647 --> 01:25:39,413
Lord Wrightwood?

1357
01:25:40,327 --> 01:25:41,258
Yes.

1358
01:25:41,736 --> 01:25:44,976
(STUTTERING) Pip Everett. Earl of Grey.

1359
01:25:45,525 --> 01:25:48,771
Mr. Everett, I am... I didn't recognize you.

1360
01:25:49,138 --> 01:25:50,271
Oh, that's nothing. No.

1361
01:25:50,497 --> 01:25:53,342
I just wanted to say,
I received your letter of commendation,

1362
01:25:53,443 --> 01:25:54,988
and wanted to say thank you
for everything.

1363
01:25:55,091 --> 01:25:59,488
Yes. About that,
it seems there has been a mistake.

1364
01:26:00,288 --> 01:26:03,011
- Mistake?
- Typographical, I'm afraid.

1365
01:26:03,109 --> 01:26:05,603
It was meant to say that
you had not got the position.

1366
01:26:05,706 --> 01:26:07,122
Sorry, old boy.

1367
01:26:07,766 --> 01:26:09,981
(STAMMERING) Typographical.

1368
01:26:09,774 --> 01:26:12,295
What he's trying to say is piss off, Pip.

1369
01:26:13,079 --> 01:26:17,568
No, okay. Yeah, okay. Sure. Quite.
Oh, okay.

1370
01:26:18,375 --> 01:26:21,676
Are you sure typographical was...
Clear enough. Thank you. Great.

1371
01:26:22,131 --> 01:26:25,013
Beta, beta, beta, beta, beta.

1372
01:26:25,203 --> 01:26:27,959
I've never been more proud of you
than I am at this moment.

1373
01:26:28,134 --> 01:26:28,904
Thanks, Dad.

1374
01:26:29,097 --> 01:26:31,338
You know, your son is
the biggest hound doggie on campus.

1375
01:26:31,522 --> 01:26:34,241
My son, a hound doggie?

1376
01:26:34,449 --> 01:26:36,407
It's practically raining
women's undergarments

1377
01:26:36,507 --> 01:26:37,609
when he walks down the street.

1378
01:26:37,712 --> 01:26:40,909
I always knew it that my son
would follow in my footsteps

1379
01:26:41,007 --> 01:26:42,811
in the pursuit of the pink taco.

1380
01:26:43,605 --> 01:26:47,528
Being a hound doggie
is in the Badalandabad genes.

1381
01:26:47,630 --> 01:26:49,240
Well, it may be in his genes, dear,

1382
01:26:49,341 --> 01:26:52,443
but I certainly never found anything
special, when I looked in yours.

1383
01:26:53,238 --> 01:26:55,962
Are you saying that I'm firing blanks?
I have fathered three children.

1384
01:26:56,059 --> 01:26:58,338
So, what? If our mattress
could have gotten pregnant,

1385
01:26:58,436 --> 01:26:59,635
you would have fathered six.

1386
01:26:59,735 --> 01:27:01,150
I am warning you, woman.

1387
01:27:01,255 --> 01:27:02,703
I am shaking in my sari.

1388
01:27:02,808 --> 01:27:03,909
I don't need this aggravation.

1389
01:27:04,012 --> 01:27:05,277
Thanks for dealing with my dad.

1390
01:27:05,376 --> 01:27:08,411
- They don't live here, do they?
- Oh, no, no. Milwaukee.

1391
01:27:08,512 --> 01:27:09,678
My pleasure, then.

1392
01:27:11,142 --> 01:27:13,799
You know, Charlotte,
you should know I'm not a rich guy.

1393
01:27:13,899 --> 01:27:16,050
I don't own a house or anything.
I'm not an earl.

1394
01:27:16,434 --> 01:27:19,341
In fact, the only title I hold
is to an '86 Toyota Corolla.

1395
01:27:19,445 --> 01:27:21,876
Oh, come now, Mr. Badalandabad.

1396
01:27:21,980 --> 01:27:24,259
You're forgetting
what an excellent swordsman you are.

1397
01:27:24,673 --> 01:27:27,870
Hardly, I almost died up there.
I mean I got a couple of good...

1398
01:27:30,092 --> 01:27:32,880
- Were you calling me a hound doggie?
- Maybe.

1399
01:27:34,021 --> 01:27:35,285
Well.

1400
01:27:35,384 --> 01:27:36,831
(SHINEPLAYING)

1401
01:27:40,011 --> 01:27:41,587
I can fence much better than you, though.

1402
01:27:41,689 --> 01:27:42,608
- Oh, really?
- Yes.

1403
01:27:42,704 --> 01:27:43,805
- Let's go.
- You want a rematch?

1404
01:27:43,908 --> 01:27:44,826
Let's go, yes.

1405
01:27:44,827 --> 01:27:50,532
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