1
00:00:36,946 --> 00:00:41,367
MAN: Los Angeles late at night is like
any big American city late at night.
2
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,787
At 2.00 am people are either
making a mess or cleaning it up.
3
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:47,247
Tonight's my night to do the cleaning up.
4
00:00:47,456 --> 00:00:50,417
My name, most of the time,
is Irwin Fletcher.
5
00:00:50,626 --> 00:00:53,837
I write under the name of Jane Doe.
That's the kind of gal I am.
6
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:58,092
This Greek seafood house
is part of a successful chain.
7
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,803
But, believe me,
it's not because of the food.
8
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,639
113,000 from basketball.
9
00:01:03,847 --> 00:01:05,891
List it as codfish.
10
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,771
120,000 from the Gonzalez fight.
11
00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:15,734
That includes 60
from our chain in the Valley.
12
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:19,321
Twenty from Long Beach. 120 total.
13
00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:21,573
Put that under halibut.
14
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:25,285
180,000 from the track.
15
00:01:25,494 --> 00:01:27,121
Scrod.
16
00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:29,915
We got over two million in scrod
this month.
17
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,876
Scrod's making a comeback, all right?
18
00:01:33,085 --> 00:01:35,045
MAN 1: How are you listing my stake?
19
00:01:35,254 --> 00:01:39,466
- MAN 2: Breakage.
- MAN 1: $75,000 worth of breakage?
20
00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:45,431
(GLASS SHATTERS)
21
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,725
We're Greeks! We dance,
we break plates, we're clumsy!
22
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,854
MAN 1: Stop it.
We gotta be cross town in 30 minutes.
23
00:01:52,062 --> 00:01:53,730
You wanna wash up?
24
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:57,025
MAN 2: My wife gets suspicious
if I don't smell like fish.
25
00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,194
MAN 1: I got it. You get the lights.
26
00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:02,239
- MAN 2: Where's Poppa?
- MAN 1: In the back.
27
00:02:02,448 --> 00:02:05,200
MAN 2: Tell him to hurry.
Phil, I'll drop you first.
28
00:02:05,409 --> 00:02:07,786
PHIL: You better.
29
00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:25,471
- (GASPS) Hi.
- What's your name, little lady?
30
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:30,642
My name? Peggy Lee... Zorba.
Peggy Lee Zorba.
31
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:34,980
- You're cute!
- Do you mind if I freshen up a bit?
32
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,608
Splash a little water on my face.
33
00:02:37,816 --> 00:02:40,736
Whatever makes you feel sexy.
34
00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,571
- OK.
- (CHUCKLES)
35
00:02:42,779 --> 00:02:45,032
Just wait outside. I'll be right out.
36
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,224
What the hell was that?
37
00:03:10,432 --> 00:03:12,809
- If it's a cop, kill him.
- Hi. Mary Poppins!
38
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,229
If it's a reporter, cripple him.
39
00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:20,025
(TYRES SCREECH, BRAKES SQUEAL)
40
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,705
You're never driving again!
41
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,249
I just did what you told me to do.
42
00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:39,169
- There's a new thing called brakes!
- Shut up!
43
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:48,512
Good. Brilliant as usual, Fletch.
We'll run it in the next edition.
44
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,140
- Great. See you in two weeks.
- Er, Fletch, there's...
45
00:03:52,349 --> 00:03:57,145
"Er, Fletch"? Frank, I see
a double-cross in your eyes.
46
00:03:57,354 --> 00:03:59,022
You promised me a vacation.
47
00:03:59,231 --> 00:04:02,985
- Right after the sewer story.
- What? You can't do this to me.
48
00:04:03,193 --> 00:04:07,072
I spent eight nights on my knees
dressed like Dolly Parton at a funeral.
49
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,242
I got felt up.
I got dishpan hands and sore knees!
50
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,078
Three guys tried to kill me.
Do you give a crap?
51
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,872
- You promised me a vacation!
- You'll get one.
52
00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:19,126
- After the sewer system exposé.
- You owe me a vacation!
53
00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:21,169
- In July.
- That's two months.
54
00:04:21,378 --> 00:04:23,547
A great reporter knows the facts.
55
00:04:23,755 --> 00:04:27,467
By the way, the computer disallowed
your undocumented expenses.
56
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:30,637
- It'll come out of this week's pay.
- You can't do that.
57
00:04:30,846 --> 00:04:34,599
There's nothing I can do about it.
It's all done automatically.
58
00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:53,827
On top of everything else,
I think I'm getting my period.
59
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:24,316
No wonder I got a fumigation alert.
How'd you get in here?
60
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,776
The window was open.
61
00:05:26,985 --> 00:05:30,489
I knocked, and I could swear
I heard you say, "Come in".
62
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:34,743
You know how to cover your ass, Gillet.
Although those pants are a mistake.
63
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:40,248
You owe me $4,381 in back alimony.
64
00:05:40,457 --> 00:05:42,417
What? I was married to you?
65
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:48,298
You're right. I've been foolishly
squandering my salary on food and heat.
66
00:05:48,507 --> 00:05:51,593
You have one week
to comply with Judge Proctor's orders.
67
00:05:51,801 --> 00:05:54,930
Payment in full. Otherwise you go to jail.
68
00:05:55,138 --> 00:05:57,390
Wendy doesn't need the money.
69
00:05:57,599 --> 00:06:02,270
I hear she's been banging some balding,
wimpy lawyer who can't get it up.
70
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:05,690
- May I see that?
- Be my guest.
71
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,443
Nice briefcase.
Couldn't guess your weight?
72
00:06:08,652 --> 00:06:10,779
Oh! I'm sorry. I got it.
73
00:06:10,987 --> 00:06:13,073
Never mind, I'll take care of it.
74
00:06:13,281 --> 00:06:16,201
Look at this. A note from
the Oakwood Potency Clinic.
75
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:20,914
"Sorry to inform you, we cannot process
sperm counts as low as yours."
76
00:06:21,122 --> 00:06:23,458
- Here we are. What about this?
- Be careful!
77
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:25,752
Uh-oh! I am terribly sorry!
78
00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:28,171
- You did that intentionally.
- I did not.
79
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,799
- That was good juice too.
- Leave it alone.
80
00:06:31,007 --> 00:06:33,969
- I got an idea. My mistake.
- Where are you going?
81
00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,680
My mess. I'll clean it up.
82
00:06:36,888 --> 00:06:38,848
- What are you doing?
- What's this?
83
00:06:39,057 --> 00:06:42,310
You are damaging personal property
and I'm gonna...
84
00:06:42,519 --> 00:06:45,981
The ink is running. I didn't expect that.
85
00:06:47,315 --> 00:06:50,485
There we are! Clean as a whistle.
86
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:54,864
- Thanks for coming by, Marvin.
- Expect to hear from my lawyer.
87
00:06:55,073 --> 00:06:59,202
Oh, Gillet, one more thing.
Come back here. It's very important.
88
00:06:59,411 --> 00:07:03,540
They do a thing now where they make
an incision and push the hair together.
89
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:08,795
Or try a transplant. Maybe the hair from
your ass. Might make you smarter. Bye.
90
00:07:09,546 --> 00:07:12,882
Betty, how 'bout lunch
at the In and Out Burger?
91
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:14,592
I'm not hungry.
92
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,554
Forget the burger.
How about just the "in and out"?
93
00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:20,682
- Very well. How about just the "in"?
- (GROANS)
94
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,853
Ooh!
95
00:07:28,231 --> 00:07:30,191
(RINGING)
96
00:07:33,778 --> 00:07:36,114
Fletch, answer your phone.
97
00:07:42,412 --> 00:07:45,373
In and Out Burger.
May I take your order, please?
98
00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:50,086
Mr Fletcher? This is Amanda Ray Ross.
I represented your Aunt Belle Fletcher.
99
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,672
Good ol' Aunt Belle. How the hell is she?
100
00:07:52,881 --> 00:07:56,176
- She's deceased, Mr Fletcher.
- I guess she could be better.
101
00:07:56,384 --> 00:07:57,761
You're hard to find.
102
00:07:57,969 --> 00:08:00,305
I was touring with the Stones.
How can I help?
103
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,140
- Didn't you get my message?
- No.
104
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,350
I'm the executor of your aunt's will.
105
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:08,313
You are the major beneficiary
of your aunt's estate, Belle Isle.
106
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:13,234
About this expense.
$58 for leg waxing? That's bullshit.
107
00:08:13,443 --> 00:08:15,612
Yeah, but feel how smooth they are.
108
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:18,907
AMANDA: It consists of 80 acres
of old plantation.
109
00:08:19,115 --> 00:08:22,035
- Wait. Did you say plantation?
- Yes, indeed.
110
00:08:22,243 --> 00:08:24,662
- She left it to me?
- According to her will.
111
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:28,208
- Can I get back to you?
- Hair by Ziggy? Who's Ziggy?
112
00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:33,046
5-0-4... Shut up, Frank.
Yeah. I'll get right back to you.
113
00:08:33,254 --> 00:08:36,090
Can't we return some of it?
What about the lingerie?
114
00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:39,135
- I ate it.
- Be serious for one minute.
115
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,845
I quit.
116
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,849
I'm not unreasonable about legitimate
expenses. The sewer story...
117
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,392
I quit, Frank.
118
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:49,479
I'm gonna advance you
for the hip boots and wet suit.
119
00:08:49,687 --> 00:08:52,232
Frank, I'm really quitting.
120
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,610
Fletch, look,
I got a little A-frame up at Arrowhead.
121
00:08:55,818 --> 00:08:58,821
Why don't you go there,
take a couple of weeks, relax?
122
00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:01,407
I'm really gonna miss you.
123
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:03,618
Maybe that's an overstatement.
124
00:09:03,826 --> 00:09:06,913
Treat this as good news.
You can write my Jane Doe column.
125
00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:09,374
You're not gonna quit. I'll tell you why.
126
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,918
- Why?
- You have journalistic integrity.
127
00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:17,131
And you have a sense of loyalty. You'll
never give up the quest for truth.
128
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:22,804
Yes. I can't abandon the principles
that nurtured me lo these many years.
129
00:09:23,012 --> 00:09:27,183
Wrap them up with the shit on my desk
and ship them to my Louisiana mansion.
130
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:29,686
Bye.
131
00:09:29,894 --> 00:09:31,688
What happened?
132
00:09:32,146 --> 00:09:35,817
My husband said I was crazy to go
2,000 miles to have my nose done.
133
00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:37,568
(SNORTS AS SHE LAUGHS)
134
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:41,698
That's an interesting watch.
Is it a prize of some sort?
135
00:09:41,906 --> 00:09:45,368
- No.
- It certainly looks like one.
136
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,997
It's a championship Laker watch.
137
00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,582
Oh! Are you a Laker?
138
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:57,255
I used to date one.
Only thing I have to remember him by.
139
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,507
(SIGHS)
140
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:06,264
Lord, what was that?
141
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:10,518
We just clipped a Piper Cub. The pilot's
OK. I just saw him parachuting.
142
00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:12,854
(LAUGHS, SNORTS)
143
00:10:13,062 --> 00:10:17,775
I love a man with a sense of humour.
What did you say your name was?
144
00:10:19,235 --> 00:10:21,195
Nostradamus.
145
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:23,448
I'm Cindy Mae Sample.
146
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:27,493
Nostradamus. I love the Fightin' Irish.
147
00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:31,497
Lord, I hate to fly. I wish I was
gettin' off in Thibodaux like you.
148
00:10:31,706 --> 00:10:36,419
It's two more stops to Selma. All those
ups and downs and ups and downs.
149
00:10:38,046 --> 00:10:42,175
(SIGHS)
You should try holding your breath.
150
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:44,510
Sometimes that works.
151
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,057
(CINDY INHALES NOISILY)
152
00:10:49,265 --> 00:10:51,309
Belle Isle.
153
00:10:53,102 --> 00:10:56,439
♪ Hear us calling
154
00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:59,400
♪ We are calling
155
00:10:59,609 --> 00:11:00,735
FLETCH: Belle Isle.
156
00:11:00,943 --> 00:11:07,200
♪ While our heads are bending low
157
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:10,077
♪ Can you hear
158
00:11:10,286 --> 00:11:16,250
♪ Our gentle voices calling
159
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:23,341
♪ Old White Joe ♪
160
00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:25,593
Thank you, Betty Lee.
161
00:11:25,802 --> 00:11:27,136
(SINGERS HUM)
162
00:11:27,345 --> 00:11:31,390
Look, Colonel,
the folks have come to serenade you.
163
00:11:31,599 --> 00:11:33,768
BETTY LEE: They love you so much.
164
00:11:33,976 --> 00:11:36,771
- I love them too.
- (ALL HUM)
165
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:39,023
Give me that, boy!
166
00:11:42,276 --> 00:11:44,362
(SPITS)
167
00:11:46,113 --> 00:11:48,658
- Thank you, sir.
- Quiet down.
168
00:11:48,866 --> 00:11:50,910
- Uncle Frank?
- Yes, sir?
169
00:11:51,118 --> 00:11:55,498
- You know my favourite tune.
- Sure do, Colonel.
170
00:11:55,706 --> 00:11:58,876
Would you mind
if I sat in your lap, Colonel?
171
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,587
Please do, Betty Lee. Please do.
172
00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:04,632
The field hands would like
to dance for you.
173
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,884
Dance for me?
174
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:10,012
- Why, I'll dance for them!
- (CHEERING)
175
00:12:10,221 --> 00:12:11,222
Yes, sir!
176
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:15,935
♪ Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
177
00:12:16,143 --> 00:12:20,356
♪ My, oh, my
what a wonderful day
178
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,901
♪ Plenty of sunshine
headin' our way
179
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,111
You bet!
180
00:12:25,319 --> 00:12:28,906
♪ Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
181
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:33,160
♪ Mr Bluebird's on my shoulder
182
00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:36,330
♪ Ain't it the truth
It's actual
183
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:38,416
♪ Everything is satisfactual
184
00:12:38,624 --> 00:12:42,878
♪ Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
185
00:12:43,087 --> 00:12:46,424
♪ Wonderful feeling
186
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:50,136
♪ Wonderful day ♪
187
00:13:00,438 --> 00:13:02,565
You made it, Mr Notre Dame.
188
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,693
(PA SYSTEM)
189
00:13:09,572 --> 00:13:12,450
Mr Fletcher. I'm Amanda Ray Ross.
190
00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:16,412
- I spoke with you on the phone.
- Oh, yes. That was you?
191
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,497
Great.
192
00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:21,751
- Do you have any luggage?
- Just one piece.
193
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:35,931
AMANDA: Plannin' on stayin' long?
194
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:40,311
Just long enough to see Mount Rushmore
and squeeze in a little ice fishing.
195
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,400
I'm on the board
of the Pontchartrain Society.
196
00:13:46,609 --> 00:13:49,945
We help preserve and restore
some of these lovely mansions.
197
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:57,787
We headed to Belle Isle?
198
00:13:57,995 --> 00:14:00,164
You must be dying to see it, Mr Fletcher.
199
00:14:00,414 --> 00:14:01,457
Call me Fletch.
200
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:05,211
Your house is not as grand
as some others in the neighbourhood.
201
00:14:05,461 --> 00:14:09,006
It doesn't matter. It's the thought
that counts. Eighty acres?
202
00:14:09,256 --> 00:14:12,968
Mm-hmm. Isn't it strikin'?
203
00:14:16,305 --> 00:14:20,059
Your aunt tried to keep things
in their natural state.
204
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:23,521
She ever brush her hair?
205
00:14:24,522 --> 00:14:27,525
- I can see you're disappointed.
- No, not at all!
206
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:32,029
A little spackling and some napalm,
this place would make a nice mausoleum.
207
00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:46,335
Oh, my God! Are you all right?
208
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:51,048
Oh! I was aimin' to fix that today.
How do you do?
209
00:14:51,298 --> 00:14:54,677
I be Calculus Entterby.
You be Mr and Mrs Fletcher?
210
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:59,557
I be Fletch. Geometry Fletch.
She be Miss Trigonometry Ross.
211
00:14:59,807 --> 00:15:04,186
Pleased, I'm sure. Your Aunt Belle
told me you'd be takin' over the place,
212
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:06,480
and I'm extendin' my "condulations".
213
00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:10,609
Right. You work here?
214
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:13,320
Your Aunt Belle and I,
we had an arrangement.
215
00:15:13,571 --> 00:15:17,241
And I was hopin' we could
make an extenuation of it.
216
00:15:17,491 --> 00:15:21,704
Help me get your stuff out the car here.
Come on.
217
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:27,585
You mind your step.
Our families go back hundreds of years.
218
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:32,256
Your great grandparents owned my great
grandparents. That's how it all started.
219
00:15:32,506 --> 00:15:35,050
Ever hear of
the Emancipation Proclamation?
220
00:15:36,719 --> 00:15:39,722
I heard somethin' about it,
but I don't recall exactly.
221
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,725
It didn't get much publicity
around these parts.
222
00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:45,603
- I'll bet.
- Excuse me, sir.
223
00:15:46,687 --> 00:15:48,689
Could you give me a hand?
224
00:15:51,692 --> 00:15:53,819
Just pull it towards you. Just pull it.
225
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:56,947
Come on, come on. Just pull it.
226
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,241
Just pull it on over. That's it.
227
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:01,368
Don't scar the car.
228
00:16:01,577 --> 00:16:04,121
Is there any electricity or gas?
229
00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:08,042
- Everything works.
- No cable TV, I guess?
230
00:16:08,292 --> 00:16:12,921
If I'd known, I'd have straightened out
a bit and stocked your refrigerator.
231
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:16,050
- No food?
- No refrigerator.
232
00:16:16,258 --> 00:16:19,094
We need to do some paperwork.
Want a lift into town?
233
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:22,848
- And leave my estate unattended?
- It's not yours till you sign.
234
00:16:23,098 --> 00:16:26,518
I can make you some dinner.
Ease the culture shock.
235
00:16:26,769 --> 00:16:28,771
That sounds great.
236
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,940
- Should I be doin' anything?
- No, not really.
237
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:35,194
After you get that trunk upstairs
and finish your nap,
238
00:16:35,402 --> 00:16:39,448
you could fix that step and jump down,
turn around and pick a bale of cotton.
239
00:16:39,656 --> 00:16:43,535
While I'm gone, see to it Miss Scarlett
stays away from the Union Army.
240
00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:49,666
AMANDA: More wine?
241
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,294
FLETCH: You trying
to take advantage of me?
242
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:56,048
AMANDA: Not yet.
You need to sign these papers.
243
00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:02,387
- Do you mind if I read 'em first?
- Be my guest.
244
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:06,225
Had you talked to your aunt recently?
245
00:17:06,433 --> 00:17:10,395
That depends on your view of history.
It's been 16 years.
246
00:17:12,022 --> 00:17:14,066
- Sign all three?
- Please.
247
00:17:14,316 --> 00:17:18,153
I just wondered. She changed her will
three weeks before she died.
248
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,950
Well, lucky for me. Why'd she do that?
249
00:17:23,158 --> 00:17:27,371
I don't know. She was old.
Seemed to be under a lot of strain.
250
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,792
Dying always does that to you.
251
00:17:33,544 --> 00:17:38,090
Congratulations. You know, you can make
yourself some good money out of this.
252
00:17:38,298 --> 00:17:42,678
A realtor contacted me
with an unusually high offer. 225,000.
253
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:45,430
- Dollars?
- Mm-hmm.
254
00:17:46,682 --> 00:17:48,892
Let me ask you this.
255
00:17:49,142 --> 00:17:52,646
Don't you think if I wait
a little longer, they might go up?
256
00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:56,066
- They might.
- And I just got here, didn't I?
257
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:57,985
No sale?
258
00:18:01,154 --> 00:18:04,741
While you're thinking,
what are you gonna do with the land?
259
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:09,246
I don't know. Raise chitlins...
The chitlin' market as high as it is.
260
00:18:09,496 --> 00:18:13,584
They're mean little animals,
but their coats are worth a fortune.
261
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:20,007
$225,000? What do you think I oughta do?
262
00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:25,888
If I were you,
I would proceed slowly and carefully.
263
00:18:27,264 --> 00:18:29,892
That's my specialty.
264
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:33,061
- Would you like dessert?
- What do you have in mind?
265
00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:37,190
How 'bout something sweet... and Southern?
266
00:18:57,753 --> 00:19:00,589
(MUFFLED GROAN)
267
00:19:17,397 --> 00:19:19,358
FLETCH: I used your toothbrush.
268
00:19:19,566 --> 00:19:23,820
Would've used your razor, but it looks
like you've been gardening with it.
269
00:19:25,405 --> 00:19:29,242
Gee, I can't believe we slept this late.
270
00:19:29,493 --> 00:19:33,955
Amanda? Want to drive me to Belle Isle?
271
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:40,629
I guess not.
272
00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:51,139
It was good, but not that good.
273
00:19:54,351 --> 00:19:59,272
Morning, Mr Fletcher. If that's your
real name. I'm Billy Jo Hendrick.
274
00:19:59,481 --> 00:20:01,858
Howdy.
275
00:20:02,109 --> 00:20:04,319
What's your relationship to Amanda Ray?
276
00:20:04,528 --> 00:20:06,655
She was my attorney.
277
00:20:06,863 --> 00:20:10,325
She was working on my briefs. (CHUCKLES)
278
00:20:10,534 --> 00:20:14,204
- You come here, y'all just hit it off?
- So to speak.
279
00:20:14,454 --> 00:20:17,916
Sparks just flew.
That's what you're gonna tell me.
280
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:21,545
Wonder why that never happens to me?
281
00:20:22,671 --> 00:20:24,214
Wonder why.
282
00:20:26,216 --> 00:20:30,303
Were y'all usin' some drugs you brought
in from California by any chance?
283
00:20:30,512 --> 00:20:33,140
(SIGHS) Just some beaujolais.
284
00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:35,767
Beaujolais?
285
00:20:35,976 --> 00:20:38,436
It's a pretty popular drug
made from grapes?
286
00:20:38,687 --> 00:20:41,398
- You feel like makin' a statement?
- A statement?
287
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:46,945
"Ask not what your country can do for you,
288
00:20:47,154 --> 00:20:49,156
ask what you can do for your country."
289
00:20:49,364 --> 00:20:55,162
You wanna make it hard. Let's see how
you feel after some time in the tank.
290
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:56,621
Y'all, come on.
291
00:20:56,872 --> 00:20:58,790
- All of us?
- Just you.
292
00:20:58,999 --> 00:21:02,252
- What's the charge?
- Pissin' me off.
293
00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,754
- Felony or misdemeanour?
- That's it!
294
00:21:08,258 --> 00:21:09,259
(CLUNK)
295
00:21:09,467 --> 00:21:11,887
You're cleaner than
most of the ones we get.
296
00:21:12,095 --> 00:21:15,682
You smell nice.
I expect you'll be popular.
297
00:21:16,641 --> 00:21:18,643
You have to read me my rights.
298
00:21:18,852 --> 00:21:22,272
Or at least find someone who can read
to do it for you.
299
00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:25,859
(KEYS RATTLE IN LOCK)
300
00:21:27,611 --> 00:21:31,865
A little gamey in here.
Not much ventilation, huh?
301
00:21:33,909 --> 00:21:35,952
How's the chow?
302
00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:48,089
You know, you shouldn't wear so much
eye make-up. It makes you look cheap.
303
00:21:48,298 --> 00:21:50,759
You're sittin' on my bunk.
304
00:21:50,967 --> 00:21:53,511
- Sorry.
- Shut up!
305
00:21:57,599 --> 00:21:59,517
Take your pants off.
306
00:22:03,271 --> 00:22:06,191
Er... I don't even know your name.
307
00:22:06,399 --> 00:22:08,318
Bend over.
308
00:22:08,526 --> 00:22:11,446
Ben? Nice to meet you. Victor Hugo.
309
00:22:11,655 --> 00:22:15,492
You don't have a middle name, do you?
Everybody else here seems to.
310
00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:19,621
- What are you in for, Ben?
- Molesting a dead horse.
311
00:22:19,829 --> 00:22:23,166
Ooh, there's no crime in that.
312
00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:27,253
That's your right as an American.
I'm tryin' to cut down myself.
313
00:22:27,462 --> 00:22:31,800
His missus hit him on the head with
a hammer whilst he was eatin' a sausage
314
00:22:32,008 --> 00:22:35,428
and almost choked him to death.
315
00:22:35,637 --> 00:22:41,101
OK, beautiful, let's hope another long
night in the tank has sobered you up.
316
00:22:44,771 --> 00:22:46,314
Ben?
317
00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:51,111
If I don't hear from you on
Valentine's Day, I'll be disappointed.
318
00:22:51,319 --> 00:22:54,030
- (GROWLS)
- (LAUGHS)
319
00:22:55,031 --> 00:22:58,076
Mr Johnson, I'm surprised to see you here.
320
00:22:58,284 --> 00:23:02,205
Judge Watkins usually assigns
these small potatoes to Billy Ray.
321
00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:07,127
He's on vacation. This is the price
I pay for the proximity of my office.
322
00:23:07,335 --> 00:23:09,462
Excuse me. Sir?
323
00:23:09,671 --> 00:23:12,590
You don't have a card, do you?
Or a price list?
324
00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:16,553
Well, matter of fact, I do.
325
00:23:17,846 --> 00:23:20,890
I'm Hamilton Johnson.
I'm an attorney at law.
326
00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:24,936
You take cases or do you specialise
in transvestite necrophiliacs?
327
00:23:25,145 --> 00:23:27,439
Not enough evidence to hold you.
328
00:23:27,647 --> 00:23:32,360
Just a form of intimidation putting
you in a cell with that Neanderthal.
329
00:23:32,569 --> 00:23:36,156
She wasn't so bad. If she'd just fix up
her hair and shave her back.
330
00:23:36,406 --> 00:23:40,785
It's so embarrassin', this sort of thing
still goes on in the new South.
331
00:23:40,994 --> 00:23:45,165
'Course, 20 years ago a Yankee like you
could've been lyin' in the ditch.
332
00:23:46,499 --> 00:23:48,793
I'm assumin', of course, that...
333
00:23:49,002 --> 00:23:52,964
you had nothin' whatsoever to do
with the death of Amanda Ray.
334
00:23:53,173 --> 00:23:56,342
- Sure hope not.
- Hop in.
335
00:23:56,551 --> 00:24:01,139
I was shocked to hear about this.
She was such a dear friend.
336
00:24:01,347 --> 00:24:03,391
So tragic...
337
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,687
when this happens
to somebody so young and healthy.
338
00:24:07,896 --> 00:24:11,357
- Was she feelin' all right last night?
- She felt great to me.
339
00:24:11,566 --> 00:24:14,444
HAMILTON:
Just smell that soft Southern air.
340
00:24:16,529 --> 00:24:20,658
It's so sad to see
this beautiful pastoral countryside
341
00:24:20,867 --> 00:24:24,996
blighted by the greed of a few men
in pursuit of the almighty dollar.
342
00:24:25,205 --> 00:24:27,123
That's my place over there.
343
00:24:27,332 --> 00:24:32,295
The trees just beyond it screen off the
Bibleland Amusement Park in the daytime,
344
00:24:32,503 --> 00:24:34,714
but at night,
they make a hell of a racket.
345
00:24:41,596 --> 00:24:45,600
- Thanks for everything, Hamilton.
- Most welcome. Just call me Ham.
346
00:24:47,101 --> 00:24:49,687
Ham, call me Fletch.
347
00:24:49,896 --> 00:24:54,525
All right, Fletch.
Anything I can do to help ya.
348
00:24:55,777 --> 00:24:56,778
Fletch!
349
00:24:56,986 --> 00:25:00,823
- Might I give you some personal advice?
- Is it free?
350
00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:05,244
To the sheriff and his sort of people,
you're an outsider.
351
00:25:05,453 --> 00:25:07,580
Guilty in spite of the law.
352
00:25:07,789 --> 00:25:10,583
Should I get outta town before sundown?
353
00:25:10,792 --> 00:25:13,294
It's not that bad, but...
354
00:25:13,503 --> 00:25:17,048
if I were you,
lookin' for peace and quiet...
355
00:25:17,256 --> 00:25:20,718
Well, they can make it
a might uncomfortable for ya.
356
00:25:20,927 --> 00:25:23,721
- It's gonna take time.
- Thanks, Ham.
357
00:25:23,930 --> 00:25:25,932
Bye.
358
00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:28,059
My pleasure.
359
00:25:28,267 --> 00:25:30,311
Anything I can do for ya.
360
00:25:48,579 --> 00:25:52,208
Welcome back.
I thought you run off for good.
361
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:54,460
Does this car run?
362
00:25:54,669 --> 00:25:58,756
Yeah, but Miss Belle stopped drivin' it
when the brakes ran out.
363
00:25:58,965 --> 00:26:01,718
I run a few errands from time to time,
364
00:26:01,926 --> 00:26:04,887
but if you wanna stop it,
you got to think ahead.
365
00:26:06,472 --> 00:26:11,060
Hmm. I finally got the place
straightened out for you.
366
00:26:11,269 --> 00:26:14,063
Mm-hmm. When was that? Back in 1970?
367
00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:19,610
Your Aunt Belle, she lived in this
one room. Didn't take up much space.
368
00:26:19,819 --> 00:26:21,571
- Calculus?
- Hmm?
369
00:26:21,779 --> 00:26:24,031
You don't see a spider, do you?
370
00:26:25,741 --> 00:26:27,785
Spiders is good.
371
00:26:27,994 --> 00:26:31,372
- They eats the cockroaches.
- Yeah, sure they do.
372
00:26:31,581 --> 00:26:33,875
- (OWL HOOTS)
- CALCULUS: Mister Owl.
373
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:37,420
This is more like it.
This is what I came here for.
374
00:26:37,628 --> 00:26:41,048
Yes, sir. Peace and quiet.
375
00:26:41,257 --> 00:26:45,803
(MEGAPHONE) Scum, scum, scum!
Go back to where you're from!
376
00:26:46,012 --> 00:26:48,890
- Friends of yours?
- Nothin' to me.
377
00:26:49,098 --> 00:26:51,517
"The loyal sons of the...
378
00:26:51,726 --> 00:26:55,521
KLANSMAN: Buford, where's the cross.
Did you bring the cross?
379
00:26:55,730 --> 00:27:00,735
"...white race will not allow
any kind of alien infection...
380
00:27:02,028 --> 00:27:04,322
to invade our beloved land."
381
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:11,329
Scum, scum, scum.
Go back to where you're from.
382
00:27:11,537 --> 00:27:15,791
Do it together.
Scum, scum, scum. Go back...
383
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,795
Get the hell outta here and go home!
Scum! Pigs!
384
00:27:20,004 --> 00:27:21,839
Sorry I'm late.
385
00:27:22,048 --> 00:27:24,800
- Who goes there?
- Henry Himmler.
386
00:27:25,009 --> 00:27:28,304
- What Klavan claims you?
- California Klavan, Cucamonga.
387
00:27:28,512 --> 00:27:30,306
California?
388
00:27:30,514 --> 00:27:33,476
I was passing through,
lookin' for something to do.
389
00:27:33,684 --> 00:27:36,187
There was nothing goin' on
at the Rotary Club.
390
00:27:36,395 --> 00:27:39,106
Welcome, Henry. I'm the Grand Kleagle.
391
00:27:39,315 --> 00:27:41,192
Oh.
392
00:27:47,031 --> 00:27:49,867
California thing. Pig-faced scum!
393
00:27:50,076 --> 00:27:51,702
What's the occasion?
394
00:27:51,911 --> 00:27:55,498
Some undesirable carpetbagger... I think.
395
00:27:55,706 --> 00:28:01,253
Damn! Boys, I just got a closer peek.
There's nobody in there.
396
00:28:01,462 --> 00:28:05,591
- We're wasting our time.
- (GRUMBLING)
397
00:28:09,637 --> 00:28:14,058
- And I washed all these sheets!
- Who's this?
398
00:28:14,266 --> 00:28:18,229
Oh. Sorry. Hi, fellas. Hank Himmler.
399
00:28:18,437 --> 00:28:20,147
Hi, Hank.
400
00:28:20,356 --> 00:28:25,403
The cross won't burn, nobody home.
Hell, it ain't like it used to be.
401
00:28:25,611 --> 00:28:27,947
You said it.
402
00:28:28,155 --> 00:28:32,827
I couldn't get over 13 guys out tonight.
Five of them are green recruits.
403
00:28:33,035 --> 00:28:35,579
- Kinda stand-ins, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
404
00:28:35,788 --> 00:28:38,791
- We call 'em Klookies.
- Klookies?
405
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:43,671
That's good!
Of course, it's just a contract job.
406
00:28:43,879 --> 00:28:45,715
Yeah. Contract job?
407
00:28:45,923 --> 00:28:49,927
Yeah! We've been havin' a terrible time
down here. We've had to rent out.
408
00:28:56,183 --> 00:28:58,269
Here I come!
409
00:28:58,477 --> 00:29:00,563
(SPEAK NONSENSE)
410
00:29:01,897 --> 00:29:05,985
- Gene Hackman, kick your ass.
- It's some kind of African dialect!
411
00:29:06,193 --> 00:29:08,863
(SPEAKS NONSENSE)
412
00:29:13,659 --> 00:29:15,578
Hi.
413
00:29:18,706 --> 00:29:20,750
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
414
00:29:33,596 --> 00:29:35,389
Morning.
415
00:29:35,598 --> 00:29:37,933
- Mr Fletcher?
- As far as you know.
416
00:29:38,142 --> 00:29:40,728
I'm Becky Ann Culpepper. Thibodaux Realty.
417
00:29:41,729 --> 00:29:45,858
I'd offer you some coffee and eggs
Benedict, but we're all out of Benedict.
418
00:29:46,066 --> 00:29:50,112
- Thanks. I've already eaten.
- What can I do to... for you?
419
00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:55,201
You may have heard that there's a party
interested in acquiring your property.
420
00:29:55,409 --> 00:29:57,703
A substantial offer.
421
00:30:00,289 --> 00:30:03,709
- How substantial?
- $250,000.
422
00:30:05,002 --> 00:30:07,338
Phew! I don't know.
423
00:30:07,546 --> 00:30:10,299
I had big plans for this place.
424
00:30:10,508 --> 00:30:13,469
Mini mall with a yoghurt bar
and a tanning parlour.
425
00:30:13,677 --> 00:30:16,764
Well, Mr Fletcher, all I know is $250,000
426
00:30:16,972 --> 00:30:20,726
is a mighty generous price
for land in this area.
427
00:30:20,935 --> 00:30:24,897
- Who's your client?
- I'm not at liberty to say.
428
00:30:25,105 --> 00:30:29,860
- Well, then I'm not at liberty to sell.
- This is a tremendous opportunity.
429
00:30:30,069 --> 00:30:34,156
Tell you what. I'll consult with my
people who'll contact their people,
430
00:30:34,365 --> 00:30:36,951
and they'll get in touch with your people.
431
00:30:37,159 --> 00:30:39,828
- Who are your people?
- Who are yours?
432
00:30:40,704 --> 00:30:43,290
As I said,
I have to keep that confidential.
433
00:30:44,083 --> 00:30:48,420
Very well. I'll just have my people
contact each other. Keep 'em busy.
434
00:30:48,629 --> 00:30:51,715
All right. Well, just keep me in mind.
Here's my card.
435
00:30:51,924 --> 00:30:53,801
Oh, I'll keep you in mind.
436
00:30:55,094 --> 00:30:58,055
Hope we can do this again sometime soon.
437
00:30:58,264 --> 00:31:00,307
In about 10 minutes?
438
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:13,112
FLETCH: That night I decided
to return to the scene of the crime.
439
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,074
It let me check out my new car
and practise my parallel parking.
440
00:31:17,282 --> 00:31:19,576
(SQUEAKING)
441
00:31:26,917 --> 00:31:30,587
FLETCH: So far the only really good
suspect in Amanda's death was me,
442
00:31:30,796 --> 00:31:33,507
and I was pretty sure that I didn't do it.
443
00:31:33,716 --> 00:31:37,469
Amanda knew more than she'd let on,
but the only clue she'd left me
444
00:31:37,678 --> 00:31:41,515
was a reference to Aunt Belle
changing her will just before she died.
445
00:31:43,058 --> 00:31:46,478
I knew the local police force
was watching her place carefully
446
00:31:46,687 --> 00:31:48,731
so there'd be no trouble getting in.
447
00:31:49,481 --> 00:31:53,402
Over the years I found Mr Underhill's
credit card to be a useful tool,
448
00:31:53,610 --> 00:31:55,821
much like Underhill himself.
449
00:32:09,668 --> 00:32:13,589
As usual, I was willing to risk my life
to get a peek into a filing cabinet.
450
00:32:13,797 --> 00:32:17,843
I love them when they're unlocked,
organized and tell me what I wanna know.
451
00:32:18,051 --> 00:32:20,220
Belle's legal files were in good order,
452
00:32:20,429 --> 00:32:23,682
with the exception of something missing
under "Bluebird".
453
00:32:26,393 --> 00:32:28,729
She'd almost left Belle Isle
to a minister.
454
00:32:28,937 --> 00:32:32,024
Obviously at one time
he must have touched her deeply.
455
00:32:33,025 --> 00:32:37,780
I guess he didn't touch her
deeply enough, or in the right place.
456
00:32:37,988 --> 00:32:39,656
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
457
00:32:44,536 --> 00:32:48,123
Thank you very much.
Couldn't find that light switch.
458
00:32:48,332 --> 00:32:51,335
What the hell you doin' here?
This is a restricted area.
459
00:32:51,543 --> 00:32:56,757
- Didn't you see the sign?
- Signs! All I see is signs. Look here.
460
00:32:56,965 --> 00:33:00,552
Stressed out "dormants",
walls deplaning to an alarming degree.
461
00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:01,762
Deplaning?
462
00:33:01,970 --> 00:33:05,057
This house is infested
with reticulermes Mario Cuomos.
463
00:33:05,265 --> 00:33:07,309
- What's that?
- What's what?
464
00:33:07,518 --> 00:33:10,354
Reticulermes.
You can't even say it yourself.
465
00:33:10,562 --> 00:33:13,565
They are deadly
African microscopic termites.
466
00:33:14,316 --> 00:33:17,152
They eat 100 times their weight
in five minutes.
467
00:33:17,361 --> 00:33:21,281
Much like yourself.
This place is about ready to collapse.
468
00:33:21,490 --> 00:33:24,284
- Who are you?
- Billie Jean King, Bug Busters.
469
00:33:24,493 --> 00:33:25,994
My van's parked out front.
470
00:33:26,203 --> 00:33:28,997
Mr King, I don't know nothin'
about no Bug Busters.
471
00:33:29,206 --> 00:33:33,210
The Surgeon General was right.
They've been mighty busy here.
472
00:33:36,338 --> 00:33:39,341
The only time you can catch 'em
is at night.
473
00:33:41,260 --> 00:33:44,346
Ah-ha! I got one! See that?
474
00:33:44,555 --> 00:33:47,724
These little buggers
are the piranhas of the insect world.
475
00:33:47,933 --> 00:33:50,644
- The also feed on human flesh.
- Really?
476
00:33:50,852 --> 00:33:53,355
- You bet.
- How do you know you got one?
477
00:33:53,563 --> 00:33:57,609
I'm glad I asked that question. They
make this horrible high-pitched noise.
478
00:33:57,818 --> 00:34:02,072
It's kinda like a tiny little scream.
Can you hear that?
479
00:34:02,281 --> 00:34:05,033
Can you hear that?
Like a tiny little piglet.
480
00:34:05,242 --> 00:34:08,537
No? Uh-oh.
I seem to have dropped it in your ear.
481
00:34:08,745 --> 00:34:11,164
- You what?
- That's all right.
482
00:34:11,373 --> 00:34:16,044
We better get that. Can't let that nest
in there. They multiply by masturbation.
483
00:34:16,253 --> 00:34:19,131
The only way to get that out
is to get close to the floor.
484
00:34:19,339 --> 00:34:22,634
Go on down. That's right.
They're drawn to the floorboards.
485
00:34:22,843 --> 00:34:25,679
Shake your head
like you're trying to get water out.
486
00:34:25,887 --> 00:34:29,391
That's good. But hit it...
No, this side. That's right.
487
00:34:29,599 --> 00:34:33,103
Now make that scream.
That'll draw 'em out. Squeal like a pig.
488
00:34:33,312 --> 00:34:36,023
- (SQUEALS)
- A little higher. I found a queen!
489
00:34:36,231 --> 00:34:39,234
I don't believe it.
No one's ever found a queen.
490
00:34:39,443 --> 00:34:42,070
I gotta get this to the lab
and get a stool sample.
491
00:34:42,279 --> 00:34:45,866
(OFFICER SQUEALS)
492
00:34:52,664 --> 00:34:56,752
FLETCH: After my close call with
Miss Piggy, I couldn't wait to get home.
493
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,754
I had a lot of decorating ideas.
494
00:34:58,962 --> 00:35:03,008
I didn't have a lot of money, but I
could move the pool closer to the house.
495
00:35:03,216 --> 00:35:05,260
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
496
00:35:10,265 --> 00:35:13,185
I could see
I wasn't gonna get much privacy.
497
00:35:52,390 --> 00:35:55,185
(TELEVISION)
498
00:35:55,644 --> 00:35:58,104
- Who's there?
- It's Avon calling.
499
00:35:59,272 --> 00:36:01,024
Oh! It's you!
500
00:36:01,233 --> 00:36:04,319
- I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
- Yeah, come on in.
501
00:36:05,946 --> 00:36:09,282
Come on in. Have a seat.
Make yourself at home.
502
00:36:09,491 --> 00:36:11,535
What's on your mind?
503
00:36:12,702 --> 00:36:14,913
- Well...
- (WATER SLOSHES)
504
00:36:17,249 --> 00:36:19,459
What do you do? Mud wrestle in this thing?
505
00:36:19,668 --> 00:36:22,254
I'm sorry about that,
but I won it in a raffle.
506
00:36:22,462 --> 00:36:24,714
Must be an art to sitting in one of these.
507
00:36:25,966 --> 00:36:27,759
Lost art.
508
00:36:27,968 --> 00:36:30,971
- You get the Lakers?
- I'm lucky to get Wheel of Fortune.
509
00:36:31,179 --> 00:36:34,057
Why would somebody want to buy this land?
510
00:36:34,266 --> 00:36:36,059
Insect research.
511
00:36:36,268 --> 00:36:38,937
(TV) Boston two-and-a-half back
of the Yankees.
512
00:36:39,145 --> 00:36:42,107
I have an offer for $250,000.
513
00:36:42,315 --> 00:36:46,278
Take the money and run! What you thinkin'?
514
00:36:46,486 --> 00:36:49,447
What do you know about
this Farnsworth Ministry?
515
00:36:49,656 --> 00:36:53,451
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth?
Down here everybody knows about him.
516
00:36:53,660 --> 00:36:56,538
Your Aunt Belle used to watch him
when she was laid up.
517
00:36:57,789 --> 00:37:02,961
...and that is have you've been saved?
518
00:37:03,169 --> 00:37:06,715
I know that there are
a lot of you out there tonight
519
00:37:06,923 --> 00:37:11,845
that the devil has got a firm grip round
your neck and is choking you to death.
520
00:37:12,053 --> 00:37:13,638
Amen!
521
00:37:13,847 --> 00:37:16,224
I want you to send
whatever you can afford.
522
00:37:16,433 --> 00:37:21,813
If you've got $1,000 in the bank,
don't be afraid to send the whole $1,000.
523
00:37:22,022 --> 00:37:25,942
I need your money.
Bibleland is only halfway there.
524
00:37:26,151 --> 00:37:29,612
- Bible... land.
- The most important attraction...
525
00:37:29,821 --> 00:37:31,906
since the Crucifixion itself.
526
00:37:32,115 --> 00:37:34,617
MAN:
Immediate seating for the 5.00 service.
527
00:37:34,826 --> 00:37:37,037
The 5.00 service is about to begin.
528
00:37:37,245 --> 00:37:39,873
Immediate seating for the 5.00 service.
529
00:37:40,081 --> 00:37:42,500
- Welcome, sinner.
- FLETCH: Praise the Lord!
530
00:37:42,709 --> 00:37:45,462
- Bless you.
- Bless you, bless her, bless him.
531
00:37:45,670 --> 00:37:49,466
- Name please.
- Irwin. Fletcher. Irwin M Fletcher.
532
00:37:49,674 --> 00:37:51,301
Irwin Mahatma Fletcher.
533
00:37:51,509 --> 00:37:52,969
- Address?
- Seven.
534
00:37:53,178 --> 00:37:56,348
ANNOUNCER:
It's time for the 4,323rd edition...
535
00:37:56,556 --> 00:37:59,601
of the Farnsworth Television Ministry
with...
536
00:37:59,809 --> 00:38:03,021
Mimsy Carlyle, God's own songbird.
537
00:38:03,229 --> 00:38:06,608
The heavenly feet of Damon Feather.
538
00:38:08,151 --> 00:38:11,738
Mr Coco. The Winfield Revivalists.
539
00:38:11,946 --> 00:38:15,784
The Bradley Family Singers,
and Ted Medly and the Band.
540
00:38:15,992 --> 00:38:21,081
And now, the host of our show, the
Ministry's founder and your friend...
541
00:38:21,289 --> 00:38:26,294
Mr Good News himself,
the Reverend Jimmy Lee Farnsworth.
542
00:38:26,503 --> 00:38:28,546
(ORGAN FANFARE PLAYS)
543
00:38:38,098 --> 00:38:42,102
I know that there is
someone out there tonight
544
00:38:42,310 --> 00:38:44,354
who needs to step forward.
545
00:38:45,772 --> 00:38:47,565
Lyda Pearl Shindley.
546
00:38:47,774 --> 00:38:49,275
Me?
547
00:38:49,484 --> 00:38:53,947
Lyda Pearl, come on down here! Give her
a big hand, folks! Make her welcome!
548
00:38:54,155 --> 00:38:56,199
All right!
549
00:38:59,285 --> 00:39:01,788
Bless you. God bless you.
550
00:39:03,540 --> 00:39:07,669
I know that you suffered a terrible
tragedy when you lost Jo Bob
551
00:39:07,877 --> 00:39:10,672
in the merry-go-round accident
at the State Fair.
552
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:11,881
I did.
553
00:39:12,090 --> 00:39:15,927
I also know that Jo Bob
left you financially stable.
554
00:39:16,135 --> 00:39:18,555
But answer me this one question.
555
00:39:18,805 --> 00:39:22,308
Has all of them riches
brung you happiness, child?
556
00:39:22,559 --> 00:39:24,769
No, they haven't. I've sinned.
557
00:39:24,978 --> 00:39:27,480
We've all sinned.
558
00:39:27,730 --> 00:39:30,483
I know, but I've really sinned.
559
00:39:32,402 --> 00:39:34,821
God, have her not mention my name.
560
00:39:35,071 --> 00:39:38,741
FARNSWORTH: Say it aloud
so your soul might be cleansed.
561
00:39:38,992 --> 00:39:42,912
I'm so ashamed.
I slept with my best friend's husband.
562
00:39:43,162 --> 00:39:45,623
JIMMY: You are forgiven. Praise the Lord.
563
00:39:45,832 --> 00:39:46,833
Amen!
564
00:39:47,083 --> 00:39:51,629
- And I also slept with my Uncle James.
- You are forgiven, child.
565
00:39:51,838 --> 00:39:55,800
Ladies and gentlemen, doesn't it take
a tremendous amount of courage
566
00:39:56,050 --> 00:39:59,262
to come up here
on nationwide cable hook-up
567
00:39:59,512 --> 00:40:02,223
and confess to human "frailities"?
568
00:40:02,473 --> 00:40:05,768
- I shoplifted this blouse and...
- You've been forgiven.
569
00:40:06,019 --> 00:40:07,937
Demons out!
570
00:40:08,187 --> 00:40:12,025
- (APPLAUSE)
- Praise be! Praise the Lord!
571
00:40:12,275 --> 00:40:16,362
Ladies and gentlemen, praise be,
praise the Lord.
572
00:40:16,613 --> 00:40:17,822
Bravo!
573
00:40:18,072 --> 00:40:21,159
Surely Lyda Pearl was not alone.
574
00:40:21,409 --> 00:40:25,747
Surely there is someone else out there
whose life is full of confusion.
575
00:40:25,997 --> 00:40:29,167
(EARPIECE) Irwin M Fletcher
just inherited Belle Isle.
576
00:40:29,417 --> 00:40:32,503
I sense deep grief and loneliness.
577
00:40:32,754 --> 00:40:35,757
I sense a recent bereavement.
578
00:40:36,007 --> 00:40:39,761
Someone who has lost an uncle or an aunt.
579
00:40:40,011 --> 00:40:42,430
Mr Fletcher.
580
00:40:44,098 --> 00:40:47,894
- Mr Irwin M Fletcher.
- That's me.
581
00:40:48,144 --> 00:40:50,897
- Are you out there?
- Step forward, young man.
582
00:40:51,105 --> 00:40:54,692
The Lord's calling to you.
Come on up here. Give him a big hand.
583
00:40:54,942 --> 00:40:58,738
Make him welcome. Come on down here.
584
00:41:04,911 --> 00:41:08,164
Your Aunt Belle recently passed away,
didn't she, son?
585
00:41:08,414 --> 00:41:14,003
- Yes, she did. Yeah.
- Are you still grieving in your heart?
586
00:41:14,253 --> 00:41:15,963
Absolutely.
587
00:41:16,214 --> 00:41:20,009
And even her generous gift to ya
of the ancestral home,
588
00:41:20,259 --> 00:41:22,053
the beautiful Belle Isle,
589
00:41:22,261 --> 00:41:27,767
has not eased the grief, pain
and sufferin' in your heart now, has it?
590
00:41:27,975 --> 00:41:29,977
Not a hell of a lot. No.
591
00:41:30,228 --> 00:41:33,648
Irwin, admit that you are a sinner.
592
00:41:36,150 --> 00:41:41,114
Uh, well I've sinned.
Didn't take any Polaroids or anything.
593
00:41:41,364 --> 00:41:44,367
But... I've sinned. Yeah.
594
00:41:44,617 --> 00:41:47,370
The Lord forgives ya!
595
00:41:47,578 --> 00:41:51,332
Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
596
00:41:51,582 --> 00:41:54,085
Thank you. Amen.
597
00:41:55,086 --> 00:41:56,963
What? Other sins?
598
00:41:57,213 --> 00:42:02,176
Er... Well, er... I parked in
a handicapped spot on my way over here.
599
00:42:02,426 --> 00:42:04,470
Actually on a handicapped person.
600
00:42:04,679 --> 00:42:08,641
I told him I'd be out in five minutes
so that's not such a big deal.
601
00:42:08,891 --> 00:42:14,021
There's other things. They're personal,
so I wouldn't wanna get into it on TV.
602
00:42:14,272 --> 00:42:17,024
But I have sinned
and I'm sorry about it. Thanks.
603
00:42:17,233 --> 00:42:20,069
- God forgives ya!
- AUDIENCE: Amen!
604
00:42:20,319 --> 00:42:23,823
The good Lord is gonna ease
605
00:42:24,073 --> 00:42:27,159
the pain and sufferin' in your heart
606
00:42:27,410 --> 00:42:29,829
with a bright light of grace.
607
00:42:30,079 --> 00:42:35,209
Look out, you demons! Demons, demons, out!
608
00:42:36,794 --> 00:42:39,797
Oh! That was great.
609
00:42:40,047 --> 00:42:42,425
Praise the Lord.
610
00:42:42,633 --> 00:42:46,679
Another soul saved by
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth. How about that?
611
00:42:46,929 --> 00:42:50,600
FLETCH: I dangled Belle Isle like bait
and he took the hook.
612
00:42:50,808 --> 00:42:55,021
At the heart, he was a deeply
religious man and I liked his teeth.
613
00:42:55,229 --> 00:42:57,189
Once we've had a chance to expand,
614
00:42:57,398 --> 00:43:00,651
Bibleland's gonna be like
some kind of heaven on earth,
615
00:43:00,860 --> 00:43:02,903
if it isn't already.
616
00:43:03,112 --> 00:43:06,282
- There's the hotel.
- Hi, Reverend.
617
00:43:06,490 --> 00:43:09,410
We call it the Heavenly Hilton
and Convention Center.
618
00:43:09,660 --> 00:43:12,496
Beyond that is the
Farnsworth Bible College.
619
00:43:12,747 --> 00:43:16,584
If you look down the road, you see the
Jump for Jesus Trampoline Center.
620
00:43:16,834 --> 00:43:19,545
- What do you think?
- It's unbelievable.
621
00:43:19,754 --> 00:43:22,673
Think I use
too many photographs of myself?
622
00:43:22,882 --> 00:43:26,218
No! No! It worked for the Ayatollah.
623
00:43:26,469 --> 00:43:29,055
Mr Fletcher,
your Belle Isle's a bit rundown.
624
00:43:29,305 --> 00:43:31,682
It'll eat you alive in maintenance.
625
00:43:31,932 --> 00:43:35,102
You don't know how much
your land would mean to us.
626
00:43:35,311 --> 00:43:39,523
And to God, too, of course. After all,
he does give us our guidance now.
627
00:43:39,774 --> 00:43:41,734
- Amen!
- You bet your ass.
628
00:43:42,276 --> 00:43:44,945
My mother would say
"There's a tick for every dog."
629
00:43:45,112 --> 00:43:46,906
What did your mother mean by that?
630
00:43:47,114 --> 00:43:51,994
Why in God's name you let Farnsworth's
Ministry burrow into your fur?
631
00:43:52,203 --> 00:43:57,333
Why would you think of givin' away your
property when you got a big cash offer?
632
00:43:57,541 --> 00:44:03,464
I guess, after a lifetime of hedonism,
it's time to rededicate my life.
633
00:44:03,672 --> 00:44:08,135
Nah, I just wanted to see what would
happen if I went along with him.
634
00:44:08,386 --> 00:44:11,555
Well, it happened.
The sheriff's office called.
635
00:44:11,806 --> 00:44:14,016
The charges against you were dropped.
636
00:44:14,266 --> 00:44:15,893
- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.
637
00:44:16,102 --> 00:44:19,939
The Ministry has
a good deal of influence around here.
638
00:44:20,147 --> 00:44:22,691
I suppose you've heard that your...
639
00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:28,114
aunt was under considerable emotional
strain in the weeks before she died?
640
00:44:29,407 --> 00:44:32,993
- Yeah, I've heard that.
- So was my mother.
641
00:44:34,036 --> 00:44:37,289
They took advantage of her.
These holy rollers.
642
00:44:37,498 --> 00:44:41,627
When she was at death's door,
they preyed on her faith and her fear.
643
00:44:41,836 --> 00:44:44,713
When she could no longer
make rational decisions,
644
00:44:44,922 --> 00:44:48,259
persuaded her to give away our land
for that amusement park.
645
00:44:48,467 --> 00:44:52,680
My guess is that your speedy conversion
and your promised gift
646
00:44:52,888 --> 00:44:57,101
played no small part in the charges
against you being dropped.
647
00:45:00,771 --> 00:45:02,565
Well, whatever.
648
00:45:02,815 --> 00:45:04,859
At least I'm off the hook.
649
00:45:05,776 --> 00:45:09,613
And who or what do they think
is responsible for Amanda Ray's death?
650
00:45:09,864 --> 00:45:11,991
The autopsy report come in today.
651
00:45:12,241 --> 00:45:15,578
They said she died of a heart attack.
Natural causes.
652
00:45:15,828 --> 00:45:23,002
Either she had some congenital defect,
or you're one hell of a lover.
653
00:45:25,045 --> 00:45:26,881
Probably both.
654
00:45:28,424 --> 00:45:32,595
FLETCH: I needed more background
on Farnsworth so I called Frank.
655
00:45:32,803 --> 00:45:35,556
Maybe I should've checked out
Calculus Entterby.
656
00:45:35,764 --> 00:45:39,018
I liked him, but I wasn't buying
his Amos and Andy routine.
657
00:45:39,226 --> 00:45:41,270
He seemed a lot smarter than that.
658
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:45,608
- I never took you to be no murderer.
- That's a relief.
659
00:45:46,775 --> 00:45:49,320
So who's the odds-on favourite now?
660
00:45:49,570 --> 00:45:51,697
Nobody.
661
00:45:51,947 --> 00:45:54,074
They say she dropped dead in her sleep.
662
00:45:54,283 --> 00:45:56,327
Yeah!
663
00:45:57,411 --> 00:45:59,246
The odds on that?
664
00:45:59,455 --> 00:46:01,999
Same as catchin' a bass this afternoon.
665
00:46:04,251 --> 00:46:06,295
What's that?
666
00:46:06,503 --> 00:46:09,256
About 258,000 to one.
667
00:46:18,682 --> 00:46:20,768
You sure you don't wanna back out?
668
00:46:22,436 --> 00:46:23,604
I'm in.
669
00:46:23,854 --> 00:46:25,397
(DOOR OPENS)
670
00:46:25,606 --> 00:46:28,359
This be the morgue?
Have the police come yet?
671
00:46:28,567 --> 00:46:29,818
- What?
- The police!
672
00:46:30,027 --> 00:46:33,030
They was bringing a doctor
to make a death certificate.
673
00:46:33,238 --> 00:46:37,242
You got a stiff, boy,
you're in the right place. Where is it?
674
00:46:37,451 --> 00:46:39,078
In my Cadillac.
675
00:46:39,286 --> 00:46:42,456
Put him on the gurney.
Take him in the back with the rest.
676
00:46:42,665 --> 00:46:45,000
Don't bother me. I'm watchin' Terminator.
677
00:46:45,209 --> 00:46:47,836
- Put a steerin' wheel on that!
- Excuse me, sir.
678
00:46:48,045 --> 00:46:50,089
I'll be right back now.
679
00:46:52,966 --> 00:46:56,970
- What's that stickin' out?
- His lucky golf cap.
680
00:46:57,179 --> 00:46:59,056
Hey!
681
00:47:01,725 --> 00:47:03,769
You gotta tag his toe.
682
00:47:04,895 --> 00:47:07,523
- He got a name?
- Eldridge Cleaver.
683
00:47:07,731 --> 00:47:10,734
Take him in the back, strip him. Hold it.
684
00:47:11,944 --> 00:47:16,698
Let's see what Mr Cleaver has,
or should I say, had.
685
00:47:22,079 --> 00:47:24,373
Wait a minute. Shouldn't I get that?
686
00:47:24,581 --> 00:47:26,458
Tell you what. I'll make you a deal.
687
00:47:26,667 --> 00:47:31,380
You call me whenever you want,
I'll tell you what time it is.
688
00:47:31,588 --> 00:47:33,632
Now get movin'.
689
00:47:40,389 --> 00:47:42,933
- Eldridge Cleaver.
- Shh.
690
00:47:44,309 --> 00:47:46,103
Good evening, Mr Hoffa.
691
00:47:46,311 --> 00:47:49,773
Amanda Ross. Amanda Ross. Five.
692
00:48:04,872 --> 00:48:07,332
(HUMMING)
693
00:48:28,979 --> 00:48:32,107
- Can I take a look?
- Yeah, go on.
694
00:48:51,752 --> 00:48:53,337
- Boo!
- (GASPS)
695
00:48:53,545 --> 00:48:55,923
Any mail for me?
696
00:48:56,131 --> 00:48:58,091
You don't have a Tic Tac, do you?
697
00:48:58,300 --> 00:49:00,093
What happened? I black out?
698
00:49:00,302 --> 00:49:03,013
Did I land the plane safely?
Passengers hurt?
699
00:49:03,221 --> 00:49:04,932
- No.
- Everything's OK?
700
00:49:05,140 --> 00:49:07,267
Check that air-conditioning.
701
00:49:10,854 --> 00:49:13,482
- CALCULUS: What'd you find out?
- Cremated.
702
00:49:13,690 --> 00:49:17,569
I wouldn't be surprised if all the
paperwork was burnt up with the body.
703
00:49:17,778 --> 00:49:22,824
FLETCH: The morgue proved to be a dead
end. But I guess it is for most people.
704
00:49:23,033 --> 00:49:26,662
I had three questions.
Why was I cleared in Amanda's death?
705
00:49:26,870 --> 00:49:30,248
Why, if she wasn't murdered,
was the body quickly destroyed?
706
00:49:30,457 --> 00:49:34,795
And when it comes to stewed prunes,
are three enough or are four too many?
707
00:49:35,003 --> 00:49:38,590
When I got back to Belle Isle,
there was a cosy fire in the fireplace
708
00:49:38,799 --> 00:49:41,009
and on the roof, the walls and the porch.
709
00:49:41,218 --> 00:49:43,512
It was great.
710
00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:45,514
Think maybe I should pack.
711
00:49:45,722 --> 00:49:48,141
- Guess you'll be movin' in with me.
- Thanks.
712
00:49:48,350 --> 00:49:51,561
Look at the bright side.
You won't have to dust anymore.
713
00:49:57,901 --> 00:49:59,903
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYS)
714
00:50:02,823 --> 00:50:04,866
Here's your diet plate.
715
00:50:05,075 --> 00:50:07,953
- Thank you.
- Does everything come with a head?
716
00:50:08,161 --> 00:50:10,205
You bet, honey.
717
00:50:10,414 --> 00:50:12,499
Glad I didn't order a hamburger.
718
00:50:12,708 --> 00:50:15,794
I'd say grace,
but I don't wanna wake him up.
719
00:50:16,753 --> 00:50:18,213
Are you religious?
720
00:50:18,422 --> 00:50:21,675
I believe in a God
that doesn't need heavy financing.
721
00:50:21,883 --> 00:50:24,344
- How you doin', Mr Barbour?
- How's it goin'?
722
00:50:24,553 --> 00:50:27,264
Fine, fine. This here's Mr Fletcher.
723
00:50:27,472 --> 00:50:30,350
He's the new owner of Belle Isle,
or what's left of it.
724
00:50:30,559 --> 00:50:33,228
Yeah, I heard about your fire.
Sorry about that.
725
00:50:33,437 --> 00:50:37,649
You know, you've had your share of
problems ever since you've been here.
726
00:50:37,858 --> 00:50:41,319
How about we show you
some real Southern hospitality?
727
00:50:41,528 --> 00:50:44,281
You ever been on a coon hunt?
728
00:50:45,615 --> 00:50:50,454
A coon hunt is like an English fox hunt,
except we cut through all the bullshit,
729
00:50:50,662 --> 00:50:54,207
all the fancy clothes and music,
all the beautiful women.
730
00:50:54,416 --> 00:50:57,252
We reduce the experience to its essence.
731
00:50:57,461 --> 00:51:00,255
A bunch of sweaty drunks
chasin' a scared animal.
732
00:51:00,464 --> 00:51:02,674
You're damn right!
733
00:51:02,883 --> 00:51:06,011
- What am I supposed to do?
- The dogs do most of the work.
734
00:51:06,219 --> 00:51:09,639
We just follow the dogs,
they tree the coon, we get him down.
735
00:51:09,848 --> 00:51:11,558
(MEN LAUGH)
736
00:51:11,766 --> 00:51:13,810
This drug testing has gone too far.
737
00:51:14,019 --> 00:51:16,688
- Take a jolt.
- Kick-a-poo joy juice?
738
00:51:16,897 --> 00:51:19,608
Oh, stronger than that!
739
00:51:20,609 --> 00:51:23,528
(COUGHS) Whoo!
(HIGH-PITCHED) Aren't you coming?
740
00:51:23,737 --> 00:51:27,073
It ain't safe for a black man
to be chasin' around these woods
741
00:51:27,282 --> 00:51:29,618
unless he be handcuffed to a white man.
742
00:51:29,826 --> 00:51:33,246
- I'll see you back at my domicile.
- You want some of this?
743
00:51:33,455 --> 00:51:36,374
(CHATTERING)
744
00:51:44,007 --> 00:51:46,760
FLETCH: You haven't lived
till you've hunted coon,
745
00:51:46,968 --> 00:51:49,179
and after that, you don't want to.
746
00:51:49,387 --> 00:51:52,140
It was a chance
to snoop around the neighbourhood.
747
00:51:52,349 --> 00:51:55,852
The Ministry seemed
so hot for all this land. Why?
748
00:51:56,061 --> 00:51:59,981
Maybe they just wanted
a remote spot to bury Jim and Tammy.
749
00:52:00,190 --> 00:52:04,152
- FLETCH: Where the hell are we?
- Actually, this is my place, or was.
750
00:52:04,361 --> 00:52:06,529
Ain't been on it since I sold the sucker.
751
00:52:06,738 --> 00:52:10,951
This is your property here and that's
Ham's mama's old place over there.
752
00:52:11,159 --> 00:52:13,119
Should we catch up with the boys?
753
00:52:13,328 --> 00:52:16,748
Yes. There's some of 'em
I shouldn't leave alone with the dogs.
754
00:52:16,957 --> 00:52:19,000
(SHOUTING)
755
00:52:20,919 --> 00:52:22,963
BARBOUR: Oh, wait up.
756
00:52:24,422 --> 00:52:27,717
Jesus! What happened to my flower garden?
757
00:52:27,926 --> 00:52:29,928
Everything's dead!
758
00:52:30,136 --> 00:52:33,890
Yo, Barbour! Rags has got
a water moccasin in his mouth.
759
00:52:34,099 --> 00:52:37,394
Hey, we in luck.
You ever jerked the head off a snake?
760
00:52:37,602 --> 00:52:41,481
- Oh, no. I gave it up for Lent.
- I'm not gonna miss the fun.
761
00:52:41,690 --> 00:52:43,733
Hey, guys, wait up!
762
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,191
(RIFLE COCKS)
763
00:54:00,393 --> 00:54:03,521
FLETCH: I never liked guns,
especially pointed at me.
764
00:54:03,730 --> 00:54:08,026
This night a couple of people
were taking pot shots in my direction.
765
00:54:08,234 --> 00:54:10,278
It was time to get outta there.
766
00:54:10,487 --> 00:54:12,864
11.27 to be exact.
767
00:54:19,746 --> 00:54:22,081
(HUMS THEME TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE)
768
00:54:25,210 --> 00:54:29,172
FLETCH: I was heartbroken to miss the
raccoon, but all I wanted was to sleep
769
00:54:29,380 --> 00:54:31,758
so I headed for Cal's water bed.
770
00:54:31,966 --> 00:54:35,094
Welcome back.
Jimmy Lee was on a roll tonight.
771
00:54:35,303 --> 00:54:39,641
Ten salvations.
Big bucks. You catch a coon?
772
00:54:39,849 --> 00:54:42,769
I was shot at.
Somebody's sure trying to scare me off.
773
00:54:42,977 --> 00:54:45,647
And they'd kill me
to underline the threat.
774
00:54:45,855 --> 00:54:50,360
- You were shot at?
- Yep. Now, who would do that?
775
00:54:50,568 --> 00:54:53,529
Damn shame.
I'll go outside and see what's goin' on.
776
00:54:58,618 --> 00:55:00,703
(RIFLE SHOT)
777
00:55:00,912 --> 00:55:02,705
(DOGS BARK)
778
00:55:02,914 --> 00:55:05,333
- What was it?
- I thought I saw somethin'.
779
00:55:05,541 --> 00:55:08,503
I just fired in the air
to scare whatever it was.
780
00:55:17,845 --> 00:55:19,639
(SNIFFS)
781
00:55:19,847 --> 00:55:23,685
FLETCH: I didn't sleep well, and
it wasn't the fault of the water bed.
782
00:55:23,893 --> 00:55:26,938
Something was rotten
in this whole situation.
783
00:55:27,146 --> 00:55:29,524
Figuring that the thug
who dropped my watch
784
00:55:29,732 --> 00:55:33,319
was the guy who stole it at the morgue
didn't take Sherlock Holmes.
785
00:55:33,528 --> 00:55:36,531
Larry Holmes could've figured that out.
786
00:55:48,876 --> 00:55:53,506
I wasn't sure who'd be taking the next
shot at me, so I decided to work alone.
787
00:55:55,049 --> 00:55:57,135
I've got just what you asked for.
788
00:55:57,343 --> 00:56:01,305
Stop salivating. I'm sending you
my Laker high-tops for lab analysis.
789
00:56:01,514 --> 00:56:05,018
He's behaving very strangely.
He must be in trouble.
790
00:56:05,226 --> 00:56:07,854
Somebody must be holding
a gun to his head.
791
00:56:08,062 --> 00:56:12,275
Fletch, if you need rescuing, just say,
792
00:56:12,483 --> 00:56:15,862
"I believe Louisiana
is the Pelican State."
793
00:56:16,070 --> 00:56:20,408
OK, Frank. I believe Louisiana is the
Pelican State, as a matter of fact.
794
00:56:20,616 --> 00:56:24,245
- What do you have on Farnsworth?
- I've got everything you need.
795
00:56:24,454 --> 00:56:27,540
Farnsworth.
Former used-car salesman in Biloxi.
796
00:56:27,749 --> 00:56:32,253
In '77, he pleaded "no contest"
to a charge of cheque-kiting.
797
00:56:32,462 --> 00:56:37,467
'81, businessmen helped him found
the Farnsworth Television Ministry.
798
00:56:37,675 --> 00:56:40,762
He may be a target
of Federal investigation.
799
00:56:40,970 --> 00:56:43,765
- Anything else?
- Er, two marriages.
800
00:56:43,973 --> 00:56:47,643
One daughter goes by wife's maiden name.
Becky Culpepper.
801
00:56:49,687 --> 00:56:53,691
FLETCH: It was hard to believe that
Becky was Farnsworth's daughter.
802
00:56:53,900 --> 00:56:55,985
But I wasn't gonna hold it against her.
803
00:56:56,194 --> 00:56:59,572
If I held anything against her,
it wouldn't be her father.
804
00:56:59,781 --> 00:57:02,742
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
805
00:57:13,419 --> 00:57:15,463
(METER MOTOR WHIRS)
806
00:57:18,633 --> 00:57:21,093
I heard about the fire. I hope you're OK.
807
00:57:21,302 --> 00:57:22,887
I'm fine.
808
00:57:23,095 --> 00:57:27,433
I was lying in the embers of my house,
calming my nerves after being shot at.
809
00:57:27,642 --> 00:57:28,643
What?
810
00:57:28,851 --> 00:57:33,356
I was thinking "What a good day to
sell up and move back to Los Angeles."
811
00:57:33,564 --> 00:57:35,441
Is the buyer still interested?
812
00:57:36,567 --> 00:57:38,444
No, I'm afraid he withdrew.
813
00:57:38,653 --> 00:57:41,072
I have five minutes on the metre.
Let's talk.
814
00:57:41,864 --> 00:57:45,785
Now, why don't you tell me
who your client is?
815
00:57:46,869 --> 00:57:49,247
Is it the Farnsworth Ministry?
816
00:57:49,455 --> 00:57:52,583
Why would you say that?
And who is shooting at you?
817
00:57:52,792 --> 00:57:54,669
Maybe the Reverend Farnsworth.
818
00:57:55,878 --> 00:57:58,422
Look, Jimmy Lee Farnsworth
may be a lot of things,
819
00:57:58,631 --> 00:58:00,508
but he's not a murderer.
820
00:58:00,716 --> 00:58:02,552
You're right, he is many things.
821
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:08,057
A former used-car salesman, a confessed
embezzler, your father, square dancer.
822
00:58:10,768 --> 00:58:13,521
That's right, he is my father.
823
00:58:13,729 --> 00:58:15,773
But I'm also telling you the truth.
824
00:58:16,983 --> 00:58:20,778
Becky, somebody wants my land
bad enough to kill me for it.
825
00:58:20,987 --> 00:58:25,116
If you don't tell me who your client is,
I'm gonna find out some other way.
826
00:58:25,908 --> 00:58:28,744
ANNOUNCER: It's guest healer's night
with Jimmy Lee on this,
827
00:58:28,953 --> 00:58:33,457
the 4,323rd edition of our show
with tonight's special guests,
828
00:58:33,666 --> 00:58:35,918
people with the healing gift.
829
00:58:36,127 --> 00:58:40,548
- Excuse me. May I have your name?
- I'm Claude Henry... (MUMBLES)
830
00:58:40,756 --> 00:58:44,051
- Claude Henry...
- Claude Henry.
831
00:58:44,260 --> 00:58:46,887
- Claude...
- Claude or Clod is good. Henry.
832
00:58:47,096 --> 00:58:48,097
Smmoot.
833
00:58:48,306 --> 00:58:52,727
S-M-M-O-T-T. I'm sorry. Two "Os", one "T".
834
00:58:52,935 --> 00:58:55,396
- I'm a guest healer.
- Smmoot, guest healer.
835
00:58:55,604 --> 00:58:57,356
- Yes. Healed.
- God bless you.
836
00:58:57,565 --> 00:58:59,400
With Mimsy Carlyle.
837
00:58:59,608 --> 00:59:03,362
- Wait here.
- The heavenly feet...
838
00:59:03,571 --> 00:59:05,865
of Damon Feather.
839
00:59:06,073 --> 00:59:09,660
God's simian favourite, Mr Coco.
840
00:59:09,869 --> 00:59:15,082
The guest healers who volunteered for
tonight's show will follow Jimmy Lee.
841
00:59:20,046 --> 00:59:22,798
And now the founder of our show,
842
00:59:23,007 --> 00:59:26,385
your friend, Mr Good News himself,
843
00:59:26,594 --> 00:59:29,430
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth.
844
00:59:47,364 --> 00:59:49,366
FARNSWORTH: You know,
845
00:59:49,575 --> 00:59:54,914
I have a feeling that there's someone
out there who needs to step forward.
846
00:59:55,122 --> 00:59:58,083
Gordon Joe James.
847
00:59:58,292 --> 01:00:02,421
Gordon Joe James. Who are you?
848
01:00:02,630 --> 01:00:06,175
Gordon Joe lost a limb to a pit bull.
849
01:00:06,383 --> 01:00:09,136
Gordon Joe,
will you please raise your right hand?
850
01:00:09,345 --> 01:00:12,348
- Left hand.
- FARNSWORTH: Excuse me, left hand.
851
01:00:12,556 --> 01:00:14,600
FARNSWORTH: There you are.
852
01:00:21,982 --> 01:00:25,444
FLETCH: Bibleland Two. Jimmy Lee's dream.
853
01:00:25,653 --> 01:00:28,823
He was like some deranged Walt Disney.
854
01:00:29,031 --> 01:00:31,617
It was all in front of me.
Ham Johnson's place.
855
01:00:31,826 --> 01:00:33,786
His mother's bequest.
856
01:00:33,994 --> 01:00:35,704
Belle Isle.
857
01:00:35,913 --> 01:00:40,125
The numbers on the boxes were certainly
not zip codes. Maybe computer codes.
858
01:00:40,334 --> 01:00:45,214
All I needed now was a computer, and a
ten-year-old kid to teach me to use it.
859
01:00:45,422 --> 01:00:48,676
♪ Cash or cheque
860
01:00:48,884 --> 01:00:50,803
♪ Or MasterCard
861
01:00:51,011 --> 01:00:54,515
(CHORUS) ♪ MasterCard ♪
862
01:00:54,723 --> 01:00:56,600
Bobby Ralph?
863
01:00:56,809 --> 01:00:59,603
Peter Lemonjello. Your house is on fire.
864
01:00:59,812 --> 01:01:02,940
- What?
- They told me to tell you.
865
01:01:03,148 --> 01:01:05,150
- I'll take over.
- God bless you!
866
01:01:05,359 --> 01:01:07,528
God bless you for believing this shit.
867
01:01:18,122 --> 01:01:21,875
FLETCH: There was a new element I
didn't anticipate, a second suspect.
868
01:01:22,084 --> 01:01:26,005
Becky's client was not the ministry,
but Everest Development.
869
01:01:26,213 --> 01:01:28,132
She never knew who they were.
870
01:01:28,340 --> 01:01:31,885
Becky was a good girl, and wouldn't
have to be spanked. Damn it.
871
01:01:32,970 --> 01:01:35,889
Who's gonna be the next one
to get the call?
872
01:01:36,098 --> 01:01:38,517
Who's gonna be the next one saved?
873
01:01:41,812 --> 01:01:44,315
- Who's going to be...
- T'Boo Ted Marshall.
874
01:01:44,523 --> 01:01:49,445
T'Boo Ted Marshall,
are you with us tonight?
875
01:01:49,653 --> 01:01:53,282
Yes, indeed, Reverend.
But how can God help my problem?
876
01:01:53,490 --> 01:01:56,869
T'Boo Ted is a... compulsive gambler.
877
01:01:58,037 --> 01:02:03,334
T'Boo Ted, the first you gotta do
is expose that problem.
878
01:02:04,626 --> 01:02:06,420
Excuse me?
879
01:02:06,628 --> 01:02:10,174
If you can't expose that problem,
at least to your family,
880
01:02:10,382 --> 01:02:15,179
it grows and grows,
and becomes an even bigger problem.
881
01:02:15,387 --> 01:02:16,847
That's true.
882
01:02:17,056 --> 01:02:19,975
He's been a compulsive gambler
for 20 years.
883
01:02:20,184 --> 01:02:23,812
Because you've had this affliction
for more than 20 years...
884
01:02:24,813 --> 01:02:28,275
I think you should
expose that problem to us
885
01:02:28,484 --> 01:02:30,360
right here... tonight.
886
01:02:30,569 --> 01:02:34,907
I want you to do it.
The good Lord wants you to do it.
887
01:02:35,115 --> 01:02:38,577
- You really think so?
- I know so.
888
01:02:39,912 --> 01:02:41,747
Do it. Do it now.
889
01:02:41,955 --> 01:02:43,916
(AUDIENCE CHATTER)
890
01:02:46,919 --> 01:02:49,838
Well, if you say so.
891
01:02:52,966 --> 01:02:55,219
FARNSWORTH: Put your pants back on.
892
01:02:55,427 --> 01:02:59,014
ANNOUNCER: Coming right back
to introduce our guest healers.
893
01:02:59,223 --> 01:03:04,269
Let's welcome all of them
beginning with Claude Henry Smmoot.
894
01:03:04,478 --> 01:03:06,480
Come on out, Claude!
895
01:03:07,022 --> 01:03:09,066
- Here we are.
- I have a headache.
896
01:03:09,274 --> 01:03:10,651
No, this way.
897
01:03:13,946 --> 01:03:17,407
You're gonna do just fine.
Now, get out there. Go on.
898
01:03:20,702 --> 01:03:23,038
I said, get out there now!
899
01:03:24,331 --> 01:03:26,708
Here he is! Make him welcome, folks!
900
01:03:28,043 --> 01:03:31,505
Welcome, Claude Henry.
When was the very first time,
901
01:03:31,713 --> 01:03:36,468
the very first moment
that made the difference in your life?
902
01:03:37,636 --> 01:03:40,556
Well, Jimmy Lee, I was... I was, er...
903
01:03:40,764 --> 01:03:44,935
on my gazebo,
on the roof making some repairs,
904
01:03:45,143 --> 01:03:48,480
and I was struck by lightning.
905
01:03:48,689 --> 01:03:52,401
I have had acute migraine headaches
and blurred vision since then.
906
01:03:52,609 --> 01:03:55,320
But praise the Lord,
that was my lucky day because
907
01:03:55,529 --> 01:03:58,323
ever since then I have had
the healing power.
908
01:03:58,532 --> 01:04:01,660
Amen. God bless you.
Thank you very much. Good night.
909
01:04:01,869 --> 01:04:04,788
- Claude Henry.
- Good night. What happened?
910
01:04:04,997 --> 01:04:07,207
Before you heal another,
911
01:04:07,416 --> 01:04:10,711
would you like for me to attempt
to heal your own affliction?
912
01:04:10,919 --> 01:04:14,631
No, no! No, no.
No, those of us with perfect faith
913
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:17,050
have no need of perfect vision.
914
01:04:17,259 --> 01:04:19,261
We have no need of wisdom.
915
01:04:19,469 --> 01:04:23,473
We have no need of anything except
the creature comforts and lots of them.
916
01:04:23,682 --> 01:04:27,769
Hallelujah! Amen! God bless you. Amen.
Thank you. Hallelujah.
917
01:04:27,978 --> 01:04:32,441
Ladies and gentlemen,
he sees more than he doth know.
918
01:04:32,649 --> 01:04:34,693
- Yes, I do.
- AUDIENCE: Amen!
919
01:04:34,901 --> 01:04:37,279
Claude Henry has the gift!
920
01:04:38,405 --> 01:04:42,826
Would you use that gift, Claude Henry?
Would you use it now?
921
01:04:46,830 --> 01:04:48,790
I guess I could.
922
01:04:48,999 --> 01:04:51,043
Praise be.
923
01:04:51,877 --> 01:04:55,589
Reverend, I sense that in our audience
924
01:04:55,797 --> 01:04:59,593
there is a gentleman
by the name of Jim Bob.
925
01:04:59,801 --> 01:05:02,929
Jim Bob, would you stand up?
Would you rise, please?
926
01:05:04,806 --> 01:05:07,684
Sixteen, seventeen...
927
01:05:07,893 --> 01:05:12,230
I sense that Jim Bob is a young man.
928
01:05:12,439 --> 01:05:17,611
That he is between the ages of 25, 27.
929
01:05:20,030 --> 01:05:22,532
That's more like it.
930
01:05:22,783 --> 01:05:26,119
The Lord is telling me
that Jim Bob suffers from the same...
931
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:31,041
Satanised affliction that I suffer from.
Migraine headaches.
932
01:05:31,291 --> 01:05:34,127
Don't you, Jim Bob? Is that you?
933
01:05:34,378 --> 01:05:36,463
Come on down, Jim Bob!
934
01:05:36,713 --> 01:05:39,841
Praise be! Hallelujah! Amen!
935
01:05:40,050 --> 01:05:42,344
Praise the Lord! Be saved!
936
01:05:42,552 --> 01:05:44,846
Jim Bob, welcome. God bless you.
937
01:05:45,055 --> 01:05:48,642
Jim Bob, how long have
you had these headaches?
938
01:05:48,892 --> 01:05:53,146
- About five, 10 minutes.
- God... help him!
939
01:05:54,856 --> 01:05:57,818
- And how do you feel now?
- It's a throbbing...
940
01:05:58,068 --> 01:06:01,071
God bless you.
A headache comes up through your heels,
941
01:06:01,321 --> 01:06:04,491
up through the hip bone,
up the spine, up through your back,
942
01:06:04,741 --> 01:06:07,702
through your head
like Satan was belching through you?
943
01:06:07,953 --> 01:06:09,412
- Is that it?
- Exactly.
944
01:06:09,663 --> 01:06:11,331
- Do you believe?
- I believe.
945
01:06:11,581 --> 01:06:16,837
He believes! Hallelujah! Amen!
God bless. Amen.
946
01:06:17,087 --> 01:06:20,173
Hallelujah. (PANTS)
947
01:06:22,425 --> 01:06:27,097
Rid this man of these headache demons,
of these migraine demons.
948
01:06:27,347 --> 01:06:29,724
Heal this man!
949
01:06:31,184 --> 01:06:33,937
- Amen!
- Amen!
950
01:06:34,187 --> 01:06:37,399
Hallelujah! Oh, good golly, Miss Molly!
951
01:06:37,649 --> 01:06:40,068
- How do you feel?
- My headache is gone, but...
952
01:06:40,318 --> 01:06:42,612
God bless him! Anything else I can do?
953
01:06:42,863 --> 01:06:46,825
- No! No.
- Good! God bless you. Praise be.
954
01:06:47,075 --> 01:06:51,663
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
Ouch!
955
01:06:53,456 --> 01:06:55,458
I am worn to the bone.
956
01:06:55,709 --> 01:06:58,169
Thank you for gracing us
with your presence.
957
01:06:58,420 --> 01:07:00,630
Good night. Praise be!
958
01:07:04,134 --> 01:07:06,469
FLETCH:
Maybe I was wrong about Farnsworth.
959
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:10,223
There was a new player in the game.
Becky's unknown client.
960
01:07:10,473 --> 01:07:13,476
The only way to find out more
was to get into her pants...
961
01:07:13,685 --> 01:07:18,440
I mean, her car. At least it had brakes.
Her car, that is.
962
01:07:18,690 --> 01:07:21,526
Fletch, what are you doing?
963
01:07:21,735 --> 01:07:23,987
The guy who works in there stole my watch.
964
01:07:24,237 --> 01:07:28,199
He dropped it while trying to kill me.
I'd just as soon he not recognize me.
965
01:07:28,450 --> 01:07:32,495
I'd like to keep an eye on him.
Maybe he'll lead us to his boss.
966
01:07:33,622 --> 01:07:36,875
- How long are we gonna be here?
- Bored?
967
01:07:37,125 --> 01:07:39,586
Oh, no! This is exciting!
968
01:07:50,305 --> 01:07:52,098
- Fletch?
- What?
969
01:07:52,307 --> 01:07:54,726
I have to pee.
970
01:07:54,976 --> 01:07:57,729
This used to happen
when I'd play hide-and-seek.
971
01:07:57,979 --> 01:08:01,066
I always got caught.
Think the morgue has a ladies' room?
972
01:08:01,316 --> 01:08:03,568
- (ENGINE REVS)
- BECKY: Hey.
973
01:08:13,745 --> 01:08:17,791
Not so close. Try to get
a little distance between you.
974
01:08:53,660 --> 01:08:57,872
I'm gonna have to play it pretty tough
in there. Still have to pee?
975
01:08:59,165 --> 01:09:01,835
I gather the rain isn't helping a lot.
976
01:09:02,043 --> 01:09:04,879
- There's always the bushes.
- I'll be OK.
977
01:09:08,174 --> 01:09:10,635
If I'm not back in five minutes,
call your dad.
978
01:09:24,983 --> 01:09:27,026
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
979
01:09:28,695 --> 01:09:31,447
(WHISTLING, WHOOPING)
980
01:09:37,078 --> 01:09:41,541
(SQUEAKY) Could I have a soda, please?
Diet Pepsi or a Tab would be good.
981
01:09:48,882 --> 01:09:53,678
- Hey, pussy.
- Name's Ed. Ed Harley.
982
01:09:55,054 --> 01:09:57,432
Are you sure you're in the right place?
983
01:09:57,682 --> 01:09:59,976
I think so.
984
01:10:00,185 --> 01:10:02,061
(SQUEAKS) "Think so"!
985
01:10:05,023 --> 01:10:07,567
Ed, what are you doin' here?
986
01:10:07,817 --> 01:10:10,278
I'll give you a hint.
987
01:10:10,486 --> 01:10:13,907
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Hmm?
988
01:10:16,284 --> 01:10:18,953
You don't get it?
989
01:10:19,162 --> 01:10:21,998
You're the one that doesn't get it.
990
01:10:22,248 --> 01:10:26,002
Ed Harley. Harley-Davidson Motorcycles.
991
01:10:29,130 --> 01:10:32,550
- You own the company?
- Well, my granddaddy started it.
992
01:10:32,759 --> 01:10:37,889
Then my daddy screwed Davidson out
of his half. Now I own the whole thing.
993
01:10:38,139 --> 01:10:40,975
- Harley-Davidson? No shit?
- No shit.
994
01:10:41,184 --> 01:10:44,187
Hey, y'all,
Ed, the Third here owns Harley-Davidson!
995
01:10:44,395 --> 01:10:46,272
We're the Nazis from Natchez!
996
01:10:46,522 --> 01:10:48,566
Hey, have a real drink!
997
01:10:51,527 --> 01:10:53,571
(ROCK MUSIC)
998
01:11:12,048 --> 01:11:13,925
Who you callin', babe?
999
01:11:16,844 --> 01:11:19,138
(HOOTING, WHISTLING)
1000
01:11:19,347 --> 01:11:22,642
- Knock it off!
- Yo, boss, look who's here!
1001
01:11:22,850 --> 01:11:26,354
Harley-Davidson. Yo, Ed, come over here
and meet the boss.
1002
01:11:26,562 --> 01:11:31,067
Hi. Ed Harley, the Third.
Harley-Davidson Motorcycles.
1003
01:11:31,275 --> 01:11:36,489
If you need any T-shirts or decals,
I can make arrangements for you.
1004
01:11:36,698 --> 01:11:38,408
I just can't wait.
1005
01:11:38,658 --> 01:11:41,869
- What model do you ride?
- '78 XL.
1006
01:11:42,078 --> 01:11:46,874
'78 XL? That's a legend!
It's not blue, is it?
1007
01:11:47,125 --> 01:11:50,294
- You in luck, white boy. Come on.
- Oh!
1008
01:11:53,381 --> 01:11:57,301
There she is. Ain't she beautiful?
Original blue!
1009
01:11:57,510 --> 01:12:02,473
Oh, she is a beaut. Gee, golly,
I'd love to ride this '78 XL.
1010
01:12:02,682 --> 01:12:04,642
Nobody...
1011
01:12:04,851 --> 01:12:06,811
touches my hog.
1012
01:12:07,019 --> 01:12:08,187
Sorry.
1013
01:12:08,438 --> 01:12:10,898
You can ride that low-rider.
1014
01:12:11,149 --> 01:12:13,985
Hell, we'll all ride. Fire 'em up!
1015
01:12:14,193 --> 01:12:16,195
- Do you mind if er...
- Darlene.
1016
01:12:16,404 --> 01:12:19,740
- ...if Darlene rides with me?
- Feeling a little horny, Ed?
1017
01:12:19,949 --> 01:12:24,996
Yeah. You know,
my life isn't all hubs and gears.
1018
01:12:29,459 --> 01:12:31,836
Take it easy.
1019
01:12:40,928 --> 01:12:43,097
♪ All right now
1020
01:12:45,850 --> 01:12:49,562
♪ Hey, hey
We're gonna go out tonight
1021
01:12:49,770 --> 01:12:52,607
Little murky in the oxydol.
1022
01:12:52,815 --> 01:12:55,109
We can flush that out, streamline it.
1023
01:12:55,318 --> 01:12:59,238
Hey, your moustache looks funny.
1024
01:12:59,447 --> 01:13:02,533
Oh, boy.
1025
01:13:02,742 --> 01:13:04,785
Hey, look at that! Came off.
1026
01:13:06,871 --> 01:13:09,248
♪ One for the money
Two for the show
1027
01:13:09,457 --> 01:13:12,543
♪ Gotta go, let's go
Hey, hey
1028
01:13:13,294 --> 01:13:15,463
♪ Gonna go out tonight
1029
01:13:16,881 --> 01:13:18,257
♪ Gonna have some fun
1030
01:13:18,466 --> 01:13:20,635
♪ Everything will be all right ♪
1031
01:13:32,647 --> 01:13:34,815
What we gonna do?
1032
01:13:35,024 --> 01:13:37,902
Something that will seem
extremely stupid at first.
1033
01:14:00,549 --> 01:14:04,178
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God!
1034
01:14:04,387 --> 01:14:07,056
(SCREAMS)
1035
01:14:08,724 --> 01:14:13,437
Yee-ha!
1036
01:14:19,610 --> 01:14:21,404
Home!
1037
01:14:21,612 --> 01:14:24,448
Oh, my God! I'm a mess.
1038
01:14:24,657 --> 01:14:27,702
- You want some coffee?
- Sure.
1039
01:14:27,910 --> 01:14:30,079
I look like a raccoon.
1040
01:14:30,287 --> 01:14:34,750
I gotta get to work, but I don't know
why. All I do is sit with nothing to do.
1041
01:14:34,959 --> 01:14:38,713
The only work I've had lately
has been with Everest Realty.
1042
01:14:38,921 --> 01:14:41,716
- Look what that's gotten me.
- Can I use your phone?
1043
01:14:41,924 --> 01:14:43,926
Sure, go ahead.
1044
01:14:44,135 --> 01:14:47,430
That's toxic waste on the soles.
What have you been doing?
1045
01:14:47,638 --> 01:14:49,807
Jogging in the love canal. Toxic waste?
1046
01:14:50,015 --> 01:14:54,186
It's special. There's only 11 places
that make this shit.
1047
01:14:54,395 --> 01:14:56,439
Where?
1048
01:14:59,567 --> 01:15:02,361
Just give me the ones
that aren't in New Jersey.
1049
01:15:02,570 --> 01:15:05,322
Ah, there's only one. Yazoo, Mississippi.
1050
01:15:05,531 --> 01:15:06,699
Bingo.
1051
01:15:14,206 --> 01:15:16,750
I wanna thank you
for everything you've done.
1052
01:15:16,959 --> 01:15:19,462
I'm sorry I caused such a mess.
1053
01:15:21,130 --> 01:15:24,216
- Can I ask you a personal question?
- Mm-hmm.
1054
01:15:24,425 --> 01:15:26,469
Did you finally get to pee?
1055
01:15:28,179 --> 01:15:30,222
Yes.
1056
01:15:31,265 --> 01:15:33,392
Good.
1057
01:15:41,275 --> 01:15:43,527
You better get cleaned up.
1058
01:15:45,112 --> 01:15:48,032
Yeah. Particularly my mind.
1059
01:15:57,458 --> 01:16:00,252
- Where's the shampoo?
- I'll get you some.
1060
01:16:06,050 --> 01:16:08,093
You'll need a clean towel too.
1061
01:16:08,302 --> 01:16:10,971
- No, yours will be fine.
- (SCREAMS) Fletch!
1062
01:16:13,432 --> 01:16:16,977
FLETCH: You're right. This is too wet.
1063
01:16:17,186 --> 01:16:20,397
- (BECKY LAUGHS)
- FLETCH: You know how to get to Yazoo?
1064
01:16:20,606 --> 01:16:23,192
BECKY: Well, you're in the right vicinity.
1065
01:16:23,400 --> 01:16:27,112
FLETCH: The church seemed
less and less culpable.
1066
01:16:27,321 --> 01:16:31,951
Why would they want toxic waste
next to their land? Why would anybody?
1067
01:16:32,159 --> 01:16:36,664
Why are there four S's in Mississippi?
Four I's and only two P's...
1068
01:16:36,872 --> 01:16:39,750
and one "M"as far as I know?
1069
01:16:45,965 --> 01:16:49,259
Bly Bio Chem was the biggest
chemical plant in Mississippi.
1070
01:16:49,468 --> 01:16:52,680
My Laker shoes were ruined
by toxic waste produced there.
1071
01:16:52,888 --> 01:16:55,724
They probably knew
who delivered it to my backyard.
1072
01:16:55,933 --> 01:16:59,478
Now the lead-lined containers
painted with innocent bluebirds
1073
01:16:59,687 --> 01:17:01,730
added a crucial piece to the puzzle
1074
01:17:01,939 --> 01:17:07,236
that had begun way back in
Amanda Ross's pants... I mean, bedroom.
1075
01:17:07,444 --> 01:17:09,405
This is a secure area.
1076
01:17:09,613 --> 01:17:13,575
I'm very happy for you. Most people
live in terrible neighbourhoods.
1077
01:17:14,326 --> 01:17:18,038
- Are you the head honcho?
- That's right, sir. Hedly Dan Duke.
1078
01:17:18,247 --> 01:17:20,290
And what seems to be your problem?
1079
01:17:20,499 --> 01:17:25,421
I agreed to take a shit load
of that Bluebird crap off your hands.
1080
01:17:25,629 --> 01:17:28,465
- And it ain't come yet.
- I'm sorry, sir. And you are?
1081
01:17:28,674 --> 01:17:30,217
I are pissed!
1082
01:17:30,426 --> 01:17:33,846
Some damn fool told me it was
on back order, and I'd have to wait.
1083
01:17:34,054 --> 01:17:36,390
- Whose signature is this?
- I can't read...
1084
01:17:36,598 --> 01:17:38,892
That's typical of a large corporation.
1085
01:17:39,101 --> 01:17:42,604
Lack of communication.
That's why I like to keep Everest small.
1086
01:17:42,813 --> 01:17:45,983
- Oh, you're from Everest?
- Now you're talkin'!
1087
01:17:46,191 --> 01:17:50,320
- Elmer Gantry. Elmer Fudd Gantry.
- I don't know if I can do anything.
1088
01:17:50,529 --> 01:17:54,116
You could pull my file instead
of standing there pulling your pud!
1089
01:17:54,324 --> 01:17:56,535
Whatever you say, sir.
1090
01:17:57,411 --> 01:17:59,705
Bring me the Everest file.
1091
01:17:59,913 --> 01:18:02,291
WOMAN: Yes, sir.
1092
01:18:03,751 --> 01:18:06,503
- (SCREAMING)
- Mr Gantry?
1093
01:18:08,881 --> 01:18:13,135
I apologize for my bellicosity.
I've had a hernia operation.
1094
01:18:14,178 --> 01:18:16,889
- Is that the stuff I'm getting?
- DUKE: Yes, sir.
1095
01:18:17,097 --> 01:18:18,932
Why are they wearing those suits?
1096
01:18:19,141 --> 01:18:23,020
They're protective. As you know,
that's a very corrosive by-product.
1097
01:18:23,228 --> 01:18:26,607
I guess if they didn't wear them,
they'd be so full of holes,
1098
01:18:26,815 --> 01:18:28,859
they'd whistle when they walked.
1099
01:18:30,944 --> 01:18:34,573
(GROANS) I've been spitting up blood,
pissing blood, bleeding.
1100
01:18:34,781 --> 01:18:37,201
I go through five of these suits a day.
1101
01:18:38,202 --> 01:18:40,913
It appears you have
your facts wrong, Mr Gantry.
1102
01:18:41,121 --> 01:18:43,624
Your company is supposed
to get 1500 gallons.
1103
01:18:43,832 --> 01:18:46,919
Destination someplace
called Belle Isle in Louisiana.
1104
01:18:47,127 --> 01:18:50,464
Signed for by an officer of your company
and due the 23rd.
1105
01:18:50,672 --> 01:18:54,259
So... we're right, and you're wrong.
1106
01:18:54,468 --> 01:18:57,304
Let me see that.
1107
01:18:57,513 --> 01:19:01,517
Takes a big man to admit
when he's wrong. I am not a big man.
1108
01:19:08,899 --> 01:19:12,027
We're late again, because
you had to stay late at the jail.
1109
01:19:12,236 --> 01:19:14,738
- I'm sorry.
- Just get out.
1110
01:19:20,535 --> 01:19:23,664
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- Are you all right?
1111
01:19:24,623 --> 01:19:28,126
- WOMAN: You're wrecking my present.
- MAN: My fault?
1112
01:19:29,962 --> 01:19:32,589
Wash and gas it.
Check the brake fluid, will ya?
1113
01:19:32,798 --> 01:19:34,841
(CLINKING ON GLASS)
1114
01:19:35,676 --> 01:19:37,928
My friends, ladies and gentlemen.
1115
01:19:38,136 --> 01:19:40,180
With all the fun we've been having,
1116
01:19:40,389 --> 01:19:43,225
let's not forget
our real purpose here tonight.
1117
01:19:43,433 --> 01:19:47,312
To preserve the legacy
that nature has given us.
1118
01:19:47,521 --> 01:19:50,148
We are mere custodians of...
1119
01:19:50,357 --> 01:19:53,277
Bob Lee. Bob E Lee. Bob E Lee.
1120
01:19:53,485 --> 01:19:57,489
Bob E Lee. Bob Lee Schwartz.
1121
01:19:57,698 --> 01:20:01,660
- Schwartz.
- Schwartz, the Second.
1122
01:20:25,350 --> 01:20:28,854
Fletch! What you doin' here?
1123
01:20:29,062 --> 01:20:31,314
What are you doin' here?
1124
01:20:31,523 --> 01:20:34,276
You know me.
I ain't happy unless I'm working.
1125
01:20:34,484 --> 01:20:39,281
Why, Fletch, I'm surprised to see you
here, sir. Welcome, sir, welcome.
1126
01:20:39,489 --> 01:20:42,367
My pleasure.
Thank you for not inviting me.
1127
01:20:42,576 --> 01:20:44,703
Oh!
1128
01:20:46,955 --> 01:20:49,249
I do believe we have something to discuss.
1129
01:20:49,458 --> 01:20:54,504
Oh. Well, might I suggest
we repair ourselves to a quieter place.
1130
01:20:54,713 --> 01:20:56,923
Let us remove ourselves, shall we?
1131
01:20:57,132 --> 01:21:00,761
Son of a gun,
we'll have big fun on the bayou.
1132
01:21:06,433 --> 01:21:08,477
My mama's room.
1133
01:21:10,145 --> 01:21:13,899
I've kept it just the way it was
when she died.
1134
01:21:15,442 --> 01:21:17,903
Her ashes?
1135
01:21:18,111 --> 01:21:21,656
She used to say, "We come from the earth
and we return to the earth,
1136
01:21:21,865 --> 01:21:24,242
and in between, we garden."
1137
01:21:24,451 --> 01:21:27,454
(CHUCKLES) A little gardening...
1138
01:21:28,622 --> 01:21:30,665
a little polluting.
1139
01:21:35,212 --> 01:21:37,380
They spelled my name wrong.
1140
01:21:39,508 --> 01:21:42,093
My gun's made of rubber. How 'bout yours?
1141
01:21:43,011 --> 01:21:48,725
No. I see your point. Wouldn't do
for your conservationist guests
1142
01:21:48,934 --> 01:21:52,812
to hear about that load of toxic waste
heading for my land at Belle Isle.
1143
01:21:53,021 --> 01:21:56,233
My land... at Belle Isle, Fletch.
1144
01:21:56,441 --> 01:22:00,487
After you die, who's gonna prove that
you did not sell your land to Everest?
1145
01:22:00,695 --> 01:22:03,240
You may have this town
in your back pocket,
1146
01:22:03,448 --> 01:22:06,284
but a lot of people downstairs
will be interested
1147
01:22:06,493 --> 01:22:09,829
in the hows and whys
of Amanda Ray's death.
1148
01:22:10,038 --> 01:22:12,249
She knew about Bluebird.
1149
01:22:12,457 --> 01:22:14,834
She started a file on you,
and you found out.
1150
01:22:15,043 --> 01:22:20,173
That was my lucky night. I found the
Bluebird file, the night you porked her.
1151
01:22:20,382 --> 01:22:24,719
It was like an alligator shoot on the
freeway, if you'll excuse the metaphor.
1152
01:22:24,928 --> 01:22:28,473
- It's not a metaphor, it's a simile.
- Whatever.
1153
01:22:28,723 --> 01:22:34,396
You poisoned Amanda, figuring I'd sell
and leave if I faced a murder charge.
1154
01:22:34,604 --> 01:22:38,108
- I don't scare easy. I'm too dumb.
- So it would seem.
1155
01:22:38,316 --> 01:22:42,195
Now get out of my mama's chair before
I put the first bullet up your nose.
1156
01:22:42,404 --> 01:22:44,489
Are you kidding?
1157
01:22:44,698 --> 01:22:47,409
Pull that trigger
and 100 people will be up here.
1158
01:22:47,617 --> 01:22:50,537
My dear boy,
why would I do my own dirty work?
1159
01:22:52,038 --> 01:22:57,794
Those 100 do-gooders down there
dressed in rebel crap will be my alibi.
1160
01:22:59,754 --> 01:23:01,881
Now get outta my mama's chair!
1161
01:23:02,090 --> 01:23:05,552
I synchronized my Laker watch
with Miss Culpepper's Timex.
1162
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,804
If I don't join her in 10 minutes,
1163
01:23:08,013 --> 01:23:11,725
the whole ugly story goes out
on the Farnsworth Network.
1164
01:23:11,933 --> 01:23:13,893
Of course, it's cable, but...
1165
01:23:14,102 --> 01:23:16,396
- You're bluffing, Fletch.
- No, I'm not.
1166
01:23:16,604 --> 01:23:19,482
You think you're not, but you are.
1167
01:23:22,861 --> 01:23:24,904
Swell.
1168
01:23:25,113 --> 01:23:29,826
- Did he hurt you?
- Not yet. That comes later.
1169
01:23:30,869 --> 01:23:31,870
Sorry, Becky.
1170
01:23:32,078 --> 01:23:36,958
The band won't take a break for some
time, so screaming would be futile.
1171
01:23:37,167 --> 01:23:40,003
Mr Fletch's convenient appearance
has allowed us
1172
01:23:40,211 --> 01:23:45,425
to move up our plans for your demise
to coincide with his.
1173
01:23:45,633 --> 01:23:50,263
Now I'm goin' downstairs
to be the gracious host.
1174
01:23:50,472 --> 01:23:52,515
Do what you have to do.
1175
01:23:54,350 --> 01:23:57,353
- The Bride of Frankenstein.
- Put my mama down!
1176
01:23:57,562 --> 01:23:59,355
Oh, I'm sorry.
1177
01:23:59,564 --> 01:24:01,941
Oh, how clumsy of me.
1178
01:24:02,150 --> 01:24:05,779
Oops! I'm sorry.
I stepped right on her moustache.
1179
01:24:05,987 --> 01:24:09,115
Get away! Get away!
1180
01:24:09,324 --> 01:24:12,118
- I was just trying to help.
- It's all right, Mama.
1181
01:24:12,327 --> 01:24:14,454
Be more careful with your breakables.
1182
01:24:14,662 --> 01:24:16,998
I've been careful all my life.
1183
01:24:17,207 --> 01:24:19,250
When she was sick, I was careful.
1184
01:24:19,459 --> 01:24:23,630
Then that goddamn Jimmy Lee's
Ministry, taking everything she had.
1185
01:24:23,838 --> 01:24:25,882
Bloodsuckers!
1186
01:24:27,008 --> 01:24:30,595
It's gonna be all right, Mama.
And when we're far, far away...
1187
01:24:30,804 --> 01:24:32,972
from this godforsaken chemical swamp,
1188
01:24:33,181 --> 01:24:37,602
we're gonna sit back
and watch 'em all just decompose.
1189
01:24:37,811 --> 01:24:41,689
That'll be good for Bibleland,
their customers glowing in the dark.
1190
01:24:41,898 --> 01:24:44,734
I hope they all fry in hell!
1191
01:24:44,943 --> 01:24:48,112
- You bloodsucking bastards!
- Isn't this interesting?
1192
01:24:48,321 --> 01:24:50,156
- Put that down.
- She is in there.
1193
01:24:50,365 --> 01:24:52,867
- Put that down.
- She's lost a little weight.
1194
01:24:53,076 --> 01:24:56,162
I thought you had her
stuffed and mounted. Head's up!
1195
01:24:56,371 --> 01:24:58,164
- Ohh!
- Becky!
1196
01:25:09,592 --> 01:25:13,972
Swine...
Darryl, are you having a good time?
1197
01:25:33,616 --> 01:25:36,452
(SCREAM, GHOSTLY LAUGH)
1198
01:25:45,086 --> 01:25:46,671
(GASPS)
1199
01:25:51,426 --> 01:25:53,344
(SCREAMS)
1200
01:25:58,141 --> 01:26:01,394
MAN: Welcome to great Noah's Ark,
1201
01:26:01,603 --> 01:26:05,398
where we have a flood every 10 minutes.
1202
01:26:06,774 --> 01:26:09,235
- In the...
- (WATER GUSHES)
1203
01:26:15,325 --> 01:26:16,617
(SCREAMS)
1204
01:26:17,035 --> 01:26:18,619
No! This way.
1205
01:26:18,828 --> 01:26:21,372
FARNSWORTH: Join our pyramid of prayer.
1206
01:26:21,581 --> 01:26:27,337
For only $12, you begin
your exciting journey up the pyramid.
1207
01:26:27,545 --> 01:26:33,718
And when you reach the top, you're gonna
be the target of 20,000 prayers!
1208
01:26:33,926 --> 01:26:35,511
ALL: Amen!
1209
01:26:35,720 --> 01:26:40,350
A lady in Fargo broke the chain
and began a five-day fit of sneezing
1210
01:26:40,558 --> 01:26:42,602
- that ended in her death.
- Daddy?
1211
01:26:42,810 --> 01:26:48,358
Well, Mr Fletcher, what a pleasant
surprise. And, Becky, what are you...
1212
01:26:48,566 --> 01:26:52,653
Look who's here! Hamilton Johnson!
Friend of the community.
1213
01:26:52,862 --> 01:26:56,157
Ham, you look like you've
worked up quite a sweat.
1214
01:26:56,365 --> 01:26:58,659
You should dry your hair. Want a towel?
1215
01:26:58,868 --> 01:27:02,163
- (GASPS)
- Uh-oh, he's got a gun.
1216
01:27:02,371 --> 01:27:05,124
Show your lovely face
on national television.
1217
01:27:05,333 --> 01:27:09,253
Let 'em see that greedy glint in your
eye and hear that bullshit chuckle.
1218
01:27:09,462 --> 01:27:11,339
Who's gonna save you now, Fletch?
1219
01:27:11,547 --> 01:27:14,383
You'll have to shoot through me,
you son of a bitch!
1220
01:27:14,592 --> 01:27:17,929
He's not gonna shoot anybody.
Are you? You're on television.
1221
01:27:18,137 --> 01:27:20,348
You haven't got the guts.
1222
01:27:20,556 --> 01:27:23,142
- My mistake.
- Freeze!
1223
01:27:23,351 --> 01:27:27,480
FBI. Drop the gun! I said, drop it. Harry!
1224
01:27:35,613 --> 01:27:40,535
And it's my plan to rerun this incident
every night during Sweeps Week.
1225
01:27:40,743 --> 01:27:43,704
The obvious question is,
what did you know and when?
1226
01:27:43,913 --> 01:27:46,207
How long would you let me
twist in the wind?
1227
01:27:46,415 --> 01:27:49,877
Up to a point. The Agency was
barking up the same tree you were.
1228
01:27:50,086 --> 01:27:52,713
- Jimmy Lee's finances.
- Yep.
1229
01:27:52,922 --> 01:27:56,467
Harry and Field Officer Vincent
infiltrated the Ministry.
1230
01:27:56,676 --> 01:27:58,719
Field Officer Vincent?
1231
01:27:58,928 --> 01:28:01,347
That's Mr Coco's real name.
1232
01:28:01,556 --> 01:28:04,183
We've been working
on this case for over a year.
1233
01:28:04,392 --> 01:28:07,854
Excuse me, Agent Goldstein,
can the officer speak to you?
1234
01:28:08,062 --> 01:28:11,232
- Surely.
- Goldstein?
1235
01:28:15,486 --> 01:28:18,030
REPORTER: Thank you, sir.
1236
01:28:18,239 --> 01:28:20,908
Ding dong, the wicked witch is dead.
1237
01:28:21,117 --> 01:28:24,579
So what's next, Fletch? Back to LA?
1238
01:28:24,787 --> 01:28:26,789
There's no place like home.
1239
01:28:26,998 --> 01:28:29,125
Unless home is here.
1240
01:28:29,333 --> 01:28:33,087
You know what? We gotta get you
away from this chemical swamp.
1241
01:28:33,296 --> 01:28:35,339
I was wondering, do you like smog?
1242
01:28:38,759 --> 01:28:41,637
FLETCH: Back home
there was a surprise party for me.
1243
01:28:41,846 --> 01:28:45,558
But the nicest surprise was an insurance
cheque for the Belle Isle fire.
1244
01:28:45,766 --> 01:28:47,018
$100,000.
1245
01:28:47,226 --> 01:28:51,772
No one stopped Bly Bio Chem from
dumping that toxic waste on my land.
1246
01:28:51,981 --> 01:28:56,485
They told me not to worry. Its half-life
was estimated at 3,000 years.
1247
01:28:56,694 --> 01:28:58,529
Everything OK, Fletch?
1248
01:28:58,738 --> 01:29:01,407
Betty was pissed off
about giving up her office,
1249
01:29:01,616 --> 01:29:04,243
and Accounting gave me flak
about the new car.
1250
01:29:04,452 --> 01:29:07,872
Everything's gonna be just the way
you want it, maybe better.
1251
01:29:08,080 --> 01:29:10,124
I like your attitude, Frank.
1252
01:29:10,333 --> 01:29:13,794
- Excuse me just a sec.
- What a guy!
1253
01:29:15,921 --> 01:29:20,468
I thought I told you...
never to come to my workplace.
1254
01:29:20,676 --> 01:29:22,595
Time's change, my dear Fletch.
1255
01:29:22,803 --> 01:29:26,140
Rumour has it that you inherited
a sizable piece of property.
1256
01:29:26,349 --> 01:29:30,436
- Who told you?
- I have my sources too.
1257
01:29:30,644 --> 01:29:34,106
They suggest you may
have been considering skipping town
1258
01:29:34,315 --> 01:29:36,400
and retiring on this vast estate.
1259
01:29:36,609 --> 01:29:39,362
Thus skipping out
on your responsibilities.
1260
01:29:39,570 --> 01:29:43,949
- Would I do that?
- Wendy could probably get half of it.
1261
01:29:44,158 --> 01:29:48,788
So in return for the other half,
we would forego any other claims.
1262
01:29:49,705 --> 01:29:52,917
Think about it.
You would never see me again.
1263
01:29:57,963 --> 01:30:00,007
Where do I sign?
1264
01:30:05,096 --> 01:30:07,306
- I'll never see you again?
- Never.
1265
01:30:12,395 --> 01:30:15,606
You realize this is my family land?
1266
01:30:16,899 --> 01:30:19,527
Does it please you
to rip out my ancestral roots?
1267
01:30:19,735 --> 01:30:22,947
I was born and raised in a briar patch.
1268
01:30:31,956 --> 01:30:34,542
Now Wendy can live a life of leisure.
1269
01:30:34,750 --> 01:30:39,338
Clean air, clean water. This is the way
she was destined to live.
1270
01:30:40,214 --> 01:30:43,134
OK, Gillet. You've broken me.
1271
01:30:43,342 --> 01:30:45,261
I hope you're happy.
1272
01:30:53,435 --> 01:30:56,981
♪ Hey, hey
We gonna go out tonight
1273
01:30:58,315 --> 01:31:02,403
♪ Hey, hey
We gonna go out tonight
1274
01:31:03,529 --> 01:31:07,449
♪ We gonna have some fun
Everything will be all right
1275
01:31:16,083 --> 01:31:17,918
♪ Ohhh
1276
01:31:18,168 --> 01:31:20,129
♪ All right ♪
1277
01:31:31,932 --> 01:31:34,059
(♪ BUCKWHEAT ZYDECO: MAKE A CHANGE)