1 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,588 Oh, no Oh, no 2 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:39,915 Ahhh, oh, no Ahhh, oh, no 3 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,072 Ahhh, oh, no 4 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:48,632 No, she don't mess around No, she don't mess around 5 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,274 100% blue agave. 6 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,835 Taste it. 7 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,512 Look, Mike, I like you. 8 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,955 But no one's looking for another brand of tequila. 9 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,560 They've got the three... What is it? 10 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,477 The Cuervo, the other one, and the third one. 11 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,159 And they don't need more tequila. 12 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,880 If I can't sell it, it's not gonna sell. 13 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,154 People want the new-new. 14 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,673 The "new-new"? The "new-new." 15 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:11,995 They want that new-new. 16 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,080 No! 17 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,628 What if I could sell this tequila to a customer? 18 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:16,896 Would I have your order then? 19 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:17,920 Yeah, sure. 20 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,800 And I'm just gonna pick a customer at random. 21 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,080 Excuse me, sir. 22 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,311 Do you enjoy the taste of tequila? 23 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,536 Why, yes, I do. 24 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,039 But I only drink my particular brand, 25 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,752 and you will not convince me otherwise. 26 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,080 It's a perfect candidate. Because it's your brother! 27 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,275 I know that's your brother. 28 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,714 He dated my niece. 29 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,096 Look, mate, I don't know your niece. 30 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,872 Okay. But if I did... 31 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,393 I'd say she was a little clingy, 32 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,920 and she'd freak a lot of people out. 33 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,797 We play Words With Friends together, right? 34 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,075 Dave, right? 35 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,997 Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne. 36 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,160 His name's Rick. 37 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,514 I know he's your brother. 38 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,720 Look, look, look. 39 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,160 You guys are funny, you're weird. 40 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,519 We do this every couple weeks... 41 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,240 All right, I'll take 10 cases. 42 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:56,376 - Fuck, yes! - Yes! 43 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,400 Yes! I knew it! 44 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:58,696 We sold your ass, Randy! 45 00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,856 I don't know if that's what happened. 46 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,256 It was the hat, right? Was it the hat? 47 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,440 I just found this over there. 48 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,320 Do something crazy 49 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:12,595 Live like it's Mardi Gras 50 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,358 And go jump Make the party start 51 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,317 Don't need no R&R 52 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,231 To regular life, I say au revoir 53 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,635 Yay! Living life in the fast lane 54 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,278 Now your pain only be champagne 55 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,870 So please come join me One thing, good vibes only 56 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,949 Start the keg I'mma fill my cup 57 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,390 Got fireworks, got booze Let's blow some shit up 58 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,958 Tonight I'm going stupid 59 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,672 Doing things I've never done 60 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,350 We all got one thing in common 61 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,271 We just wanna have fun 62 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,594 Do something crazy 63 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:48,720 Okay 64 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,435 Do something crazy 65 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,400 Do what you wanna do 66 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:58,320 Do something crazy 67 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,320 I'm about to do 68 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,400 I'm about to do 69 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:06,440 Do something crazy 70 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,120 Do something crazy 71 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,316 Do something wild 72 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,953 Rolling with the homies 73 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,071 Chicks by my side 74 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,276 Live for the moment 75 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,152 All of the time 76 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,157 Turn up the music 77 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,952 Only good vibes 78 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:23,976 Sorry to throw the accent at you, bro. 79 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,816 No, dude. I loved it, and it kept me in the now. 80 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,193 Do you realize that that sale 81 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,760 puts us at number three in the office? 82 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,440 The Stangle bros are killing it right now! 83 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,736 It's not an actual hat. They just call it a jimmy hat. 84 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:34,909 If you wear two, they break. 85 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,150 It's an urban legend... No, it's not. 86 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,320 Mom, Dad? 87 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,314 Jeanie. Eric. 88 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,313 Don't freak out. I don't want you to freak out. 89 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:45,549 Just come on in. 90 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,677 Why don't we all just sit down? 91 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,760 We gotta talk to you. 92 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,456 We wanna discuss Jeanie and Eric's wedding. 93 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,595 - Oh! Sweet. - Okay. 94 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,136 Are you guys thinking DJ or band? 95 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,240 First thought, band, right? 96 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,952 No. People want to hear the real songs. 97 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,350 You don't want to hear a guy singing Beyoncé. 98 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,754 You just want to hear Beyoncé. 99 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:01,840 Oh. 100 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,070 Yeah, but we want to talk about... 101 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,991 is you two. 102 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,839 Now, over the years... 103 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,038 a theme has emerged at our family gatherings. 104 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,599 Everyone's having a good time... 105 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:14,880 That's right. 106 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,069 Things are going smoothly. 107 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,229 Party time. 108 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,430 And then you two show up... 109 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,520 stag... 110 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:21,835 and you hit on girls... 111 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,109 you act like idiots... 112 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,833 and you ruin it. 113 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,000 Ruin it. 114 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,430 What? We are not party ruiners! Mm-mm. 115 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,914 We're party creators! 116 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,038 And besides, when have we ever ruined a family event? 117 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,475 Ah! 118 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:35,720 We thought you might say that. 119 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,016 Yep, here we go. And we just stream it. 120 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,040 Apple TV. 121 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,160 We just need your password. 122 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,713 Bryan's baby dick 69. Yeah. 123 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,353 Bryan's baby dick 69. 124 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,318 What the fuck, guys? Really? 125 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:45,480 Got it. Yep. Is that it? 126 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:46,560 Good. 127 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,156 Happy Fourth of July! 128 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:52,595 Oh, shit! 129 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,033 It was fun up to that point. 130 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,110 God damn it! My trailer! 131 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,349 Oh, shit. 132 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,160 Actually, this is what we're trying to avoid. 133 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,096 The both of you are fucking idiots. 134 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,120 Fucking losers! 135 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,272 Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie. 136 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,896 Are you saying we had something to do 137 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,558 with Grandfather's death? Hmm? 138 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,710 He died five years after that! 139 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,757 That is a lot of guilt to put us. Shame on you. 140 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,309 Plus, this video only shows the screw-ups. 141 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,750 Where's the epic tracking shots of smiling faces? 142 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,080 And everybody looking at us, just going... 143 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,276 "God, I love Mike and Dave. 144 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,510 "They made this whole party worth it." 145 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,274 When are the two of you going to grow up? 146 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,596 This shtick was cute for a while... 147 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,159 but it's gotten stale. 148 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,231 Mom, come on, what are you... 149 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,040 You're talking about us like 150 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,600 we're a couple of losers or something. 151 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,136 What we don't want you to do is 152 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,832 go chasing girls and get out of control. 153 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,274 You understand? 154 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,896 Wait, we can still talk to girls, right? 155 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,319 You can each talk to one girl. 156 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,080 The girls that you bring to the wedding. 157 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,520 What do you mean? 158 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,477 I want you to bring a date. 159 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,517 That's two dates. 160 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:25,114 You want us to bring dates to a wedding? 161 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,200 Excuse me? 162 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,435 Are you allowed to do that? 163 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:28,800 Nice, respectable, smart girls! 164 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,269 Keep you in line. 165 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,634 What the fuck? What? 166 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,160 Are you insane? Oh, you're kidding. 167 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,515 You are not screwing up this wedding. Do you hear me? 168 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,280 Mom, do you hear this river of horse shit 169 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,435 coming out of Dad's mouth? 170 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,637 We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up! 171 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:42,949 We don't rile each other up! 172 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,195 We never get riled up! 173 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,395 I don't get riled! 174 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,680 He doesn't and I don't, either! 175 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,353 Look at you right now! You're riled! 176 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:49,576 Take your head out of your ass, Dad! 177 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,680 You sound insane right now. 178 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,314 Everybody stop yelling! Okay? 179 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,710 You guys bringing wedding dates was my idea. 180 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,840 Look, I love the shit out of you guys. 181 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,878 But everyone is already stressed out 182 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,000 about this wedding... 183 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,033 and I just need you to be cool. 184 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,960 Of course, Jeanie! 185 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,479 Please? 186 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:10,675 For me? 187 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,216 I promise. We would never do anything 188 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,240 to mess up your wedding. 189 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,068 Jeanie, we love you. 190 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,936 We want this to be the best day of your life. 191 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:17,960 Yeah. 192 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,109 You, too, Eric. 193 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,394 Oh. Oh. Thank you. 194 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:21,760 Mostly you, though, Jeanie. 195 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,856 If you want us to bring dates, we're bringing dates. 196 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,040 All right, it's settled then. 197 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,799 Wedding dates! 198 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,360 Dave, buddy, let me talk to you 199 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,708 for a second, okay? Listen. 200 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,916 I'm sorry to lump you in with Mike... 201 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,896 but if I only told your older brother to bring a date... 202 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,558 he'd get all weird about it. 203 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,830 I just feel like he's holding you back. 204 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,720 Dad, I don't mind being lumped in with Mike. 205 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,216 Do you remember the fifth grade bake sale... 206 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,440 when Mom made those cupcakes... 207 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:45,709 and I called them moist? 208 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:46,949 Mm-hmm. 209 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,195 Everyone called me Moist... 210 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,277 till Mike took a cupcake... 211 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,034 and shoved it in Tom Ginty's face. 212 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,550 He said, "Now you're moist, Moist." 213 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,750 That's the kind of guy Mike is. 214 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,559 So, think on that... 215 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:03,714 Dad. 216 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,056 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end that 217 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,120 on such a weird note, Dad. 218 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,240 I love you. And thanks. 219 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,376 Good. I don't want you to be mad. 220 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,536 I'm not even mad. I'm not even upset. 221 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:12,680 We're gonna find some dates. 222 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,080 I gotta say, some nights, 223 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,314 I am not looking my best. 224 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,556 But tonight is not one of those nights! 225 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,000 Do you like my hair? Yeah, girl. 226 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,593 You look good. No. 227 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,176 We're gonna make a lot of tips tonight. 228 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,077 Good. We need it. We don't have any money. 229 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,120 Uh, you got money for this ride, don't you? 230 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,936 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 231 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,016 'Cause you have money? 232 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,040 I thought you had money. 233 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,120 I don't have any money. 234 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,256 You know I don't have money. 235 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,576 Yeah, y'all are whispering like people 236 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,794 that don't got money. 237 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,440 Check it out. I'mma pay you right now. 238 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,233 Boop. I Apple Paid. 239 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,440 I don't even have Apple Pay. 240 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,478 Yo, Siri, pay this man. 241 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,760 He's already paid. 242 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:45,840 God damn it! 243 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,240 I'm not gonna take shit from you, 244 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:48,315 because this my cab. 245 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,913 You shouldn't take shit from us. 246 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,000 You should kick us out! 247 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,256 You should kick us out of this cab. 248 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,280 You know what? 249 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,351 I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of this cab. 250 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,715 Yeah, just go three more blocks up on the right... 251 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:58,800 and then kick us out! 252 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,957 Here we are! 253 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,280 Get out of my cab. 254 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,936 Thank you. You're a really good person. 255 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:04,960 Okay, God bless you. 256 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,634 I'm just gonna start driving for Uber. Fuck it. 257 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,080 Ooh. I got a good idea. 258 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,056 Let's pop off, get a couple of drinks before work. 259 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,116 Just a few, because I don't want to get hammered. 260 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,840 Yeah, of course not. Just a light buzz. 261 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,793 Hey, hey, hey! 262 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,473 Welcome to Sake Bombers... 263 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,835 where your first Sake Bomb is on us! 264 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,951 Kaboom! You're drunk, Alice. 265 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,856 You're doing that thing where you're whispering, 266 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:31,995 but you're really yelling. 267 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,479 Because I'm upset with you. 268 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:34,640 Oh, what the hell? 269 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,136 I don't understand why you just started 270 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,216 yelling at me for no reason. 271 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,753 What the hell is going on here? 272 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,080 Your little buddy is shit-faced. 273 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,474 Straight up. 274 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,989 Her fiancé just left her at the altar. 275 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,296 She's been going through a hard time. 276 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,456 Are you guys talking about me? 277 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:48,480 No, baby girl. 278 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,136 You know how many times I have come in here... 279 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,879 and she is drunk off her fucking ass, 280 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,075 dancing on the tables? 281 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,397 Only when Rihanna comes on, because it's my jam. 282 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,312 I am a strong independent woman. 283 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:03,155 And I will get on a table and shake my shit to RiRi. 284 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,276 Because it's my right. America! 285 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,360 Feminism! 286 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,136 You just push your tits up and say feminism? 287 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,513 Yeah. Read a Twitter. 288 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,758 #2016. Women can do shit now. 289 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,039 Don't do that! 290 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,713 Who put her jam on? 291 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,036 Queen RiRi, forever! 292 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,077 I'm really sorry that I got us fired. 293 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,555 I'm just sort of surprised it didn't happen sooner... 294 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,153 but I'm still really sorry. Hey! 295 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,558 Alice, you do not apologize right now, okay? 296 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:31,880 You didn't do one thing wrong. 297 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,195 Okay. People need to get in line with you. 298 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,436 Right. You're right. 299 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,440 Alice, why are you watching your wedding video? 300 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,696 And Alice... 301 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,948 do you take Luke? 302 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,109 I do. 303 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,440 Because it's therapeutic. 304 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,176 The more I watch it, the less I feel. 305 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,416 And do you, Luke, take Alice? 306 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,440 I do... 307 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:48,880 not. 308 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,594 Oh, man. Fuck you, Luke. 309 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,388 Oh, fuck that guy. 310 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:55,908 Fuck him right in his dick. 311 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,115 No! 312 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,838 Because now I'm picturing his dick 313 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,070 getting fucked by another dick. 314 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,639 And it makes me want to protect it. 315 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,394 Oh, my God, girl! Damn! 316 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,238 You're better than this. Come on! 317 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,913 We're T and A! 318 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,594 Where's the Alice who made vodka pot brownies with me... 319 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,079 for the junior high science fair? 320 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,719 Or gave us water balloon tits 321 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,576 and we won that wet T-shirt contest in Mexico? 322 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,716 Oh, yeah, they were so nice. 323 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,552 I know, dude. We need that shit. 324 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,392 I'm tired of living like this. 325 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,913 We need an adventure. 326 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,360 We've got a great little package 327 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,435 we're selling here, man. 328 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,909 A week in a tropical paradise... 329 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,308 with two fun-loving, 330 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:35,998 yet surprisingly well-read bros? 331 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,120 Yeah. 332 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,016 I read most of the Goosebumps series, and so did you. 333 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,040 Yeah. 334 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,120 Where do I sign up? 335 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,354 Dude, focus. 336 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,158 Okay. This is for Jeanie. 337 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,829 So to find the perfect fun, but nice girls... 338 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,336 we're gonna have to meet a lot of them. 339 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,360 The Internet! 340 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:50,640 That's a good idea. 341 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,273 Match.com, Tinder... 342 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,038 Grindr, OkCupid. 343 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,120 Craigslist! 344 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:56,349 Craigslist? 345 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,440 Craigslist, you think, 346 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,616 that's where you go to meet nice girls? 347 00:11:58,640 --> 00:11:59,789 Dave? 348 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,632 We met this couch on Craigslist. 349 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,710 And you wuv this couch, don't you? 350 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,916 I do love that couch. 351 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,600 I'm gonna unlock the swag on this bitch. 352 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,680 All right. 353 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,016 Here you go. Just take a little sip. 354 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,393 Take a little nip-a-roo. 355 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:18,880 Boom! 356 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,136 Do you think anyone's even really gonna see this? 357 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,160 God, I hope so. 358 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,589 Like max, what do you think? 359 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:24,800 We're gonna get, like, 360 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,438 five or six dates out of this, or what? 361 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,198 I'd be happy with that. 362 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,235 Hey. 363 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,320 Did you see this thing 364 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,960 that Shelly's sending around the office? 365 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,036 It's a free trip to Hawaii! 366 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,760 Look what someone posted to my Facebook. 367 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,195 - I gotta tweet this out. - Those guys are cute. 368 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,360 Alo-hot! 369 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:46,794 I got the one on the right. 370 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,552 I like the one on the right. 371 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:49,776 Oh, I got the one on the right. 372 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,030 I like the one on the right. 373 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,216 We gotta send this to everyone. 374 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,275 Let's all apply! 375 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,456 I want to go to Hawaii. 376 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,496 I just emailed them. 377 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,696 Let's just meet them, give 'em a chance. 378 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,915 So, you guys want to go to a wedding? 379 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,555 Uh, what are your names? 380 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,240 Do you guys have names? 381 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,758 Basically we were looking through Craigslist for work. 382 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:11,594 Oh, you're both... 383 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:12,680 Prostitutes. 384 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,478 Whatever. Take us to Hawaii! 385 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,560 Hawaii! 386 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:19,954 We can't take you. 387 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,040 No way. 388 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,176 Did you guys say something about 389 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,576 an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii? 390 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,715 It's just for girls. 391 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,877 That's not a deal breaker. 392 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,229 Hi, my name is Lauralie... 393 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,628 and I'm kind of new to this. 394 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,720 Yeah. 395 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:31,915 You're new to... 396 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,719 Online dating. Yeah. 397 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:34,920 I'm not really looking for 398 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,280 a heteronormative relationship. 399 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,520 You look like a Nike swoosh. 400 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:38,949 Goddamn right, I do. 401 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,120 I work at a dog shelter. 402 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,719 Our sister loves dogs. 403 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,136 I wanna make sure they get really good homes. 404 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,160 What's a good home? 405 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:45,954 The white homes. 406 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,076 The what homes? The white homes. 407 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,389 Like white people. 408 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,399 Check, please. 409 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,840 This isn't lipstick. This is a tattoo, you dumb fuck. 410 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,633 Who are you laughing at? Who? 411 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,200 All right, look, here's the deal. 412 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,536 I went through a divorce, like, 413 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:04,856 three weeks ago. I need a vacation. 414 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,233 No. 415 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,416 Okay, you guys sure you don't want to fuck? 416 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,440 What? Nothing. 417 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,616 What did you say? Nothing. 418 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,915 Sounded like you said, "Do you wanna fuck?" 419 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Do you wanna fuck? 420 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,195 What? What? 421 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,554 What? You guys... 422 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,920 Do you want me to fuck you? No. 423 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,433 No. I didn't say it, but... 424 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:19,656 I'll suck your dick right now. What? 425 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:20,680 What? 426 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,280 Welcome back. 427 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,635 I'm here with Mike and Dave Stangle... 428 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,438 who posted an ad on Craigslist... 429 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,480 looking for dates for their sister's wedding... 430 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,676 in Oahu, Hawaii. 431 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:37,955 Well, the ad went viral. 432 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,120 Mm-hmm. 433 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,669 It racked up over 6, 000 responses... 434 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,035 from women who actually wanted to go. 435 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,200 Yeah, well, who's counting? 436 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:46,753 You know, I guess we all are. 437 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:47,995 Is this my close-up? 438 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,673 You guys, come on. Craigslist? 439 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,274 Honestly, this is about finding nice girls... 440 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,749 to go with us to Hawaii for our sister's wedding. 441 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,120 And I just want to reiterate... 442 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,480 we're footing the bill for this 443 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,714 because we're gentlemen. 444 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,035 Free trip to Hawaii? 445 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,675 I'm awake! 446 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,176 Come on. Craigslist. What's up? 447 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,736 That's where you go to buy old patio furniture. 448 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,136 You know what else you can find on Craigslist? 449 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,195 Mm-hmm. 450 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,993 Love. Mm-mm. 451 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,310 That's right. I said it. 452 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,152 - Love. - That one seems sweet. 453 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,430 He has a kind soul. 454 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,631 Yeah, and he's also super hot. 455 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,317 Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls. 456 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,875 But just to repeat, we're looking for nice girls. 457 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,350 Like, girls that our mom and our sister would like. 458 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,830 Okay, look, dude, we are going to Hawaii. 459 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,439 Let's go on vacation. 460 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,517 But it's not a vacation. It's a wedding. 461 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,976 Do you really think a wedding's 462 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,069 the best place for me? 463 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,516 Since the last wedding I went to was mine... 464 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,159 and it didn't turn out very well. 465 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,240 I hear you, but look... 466 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,914 this shit is why this shit is perfect, okay? 467 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,280 Because ever since Luke left, you haven't been the same. 468 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,988 You need to get over that, once and for all. 469 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,229 And this our shot, man. 470 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,511 That dude, he's gonna get your groove back. 471 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:55,909 This right here 472 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,758 is an opportunity of a lifetime... 473 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,070 and you know we are entrepreneurs. 474 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,240 You know what? 475 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,675 Let's make these guys take us to Hawaii! 476 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,512 You're right! Let's do it! 477 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:06,680 Let's just do it! 478 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:07,960 Yes, bitch. Let's fucking do it! 479 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,096 We'll be right back. 480 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,320 We gonna go to Hawaii! 481 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,356 We gonna go to Hawaii! 482 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,040 Whoa! Whoa! 483 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,389 Hold up! What? 484 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,478 Those boys said they wanted nice girls. 485 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,073 We don't look like nice girls. 486 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,957 Yeah, I guess I haven't showered in a while. 487 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,071 Fine, well, you know what we're gonna do? 488 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,073 We're gonna look respectable as fuck. 489 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,554 Like nice girls. 490 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,919 Ugh. 491 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,150 Dude, it's like that Jesus rag! 492 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,798 Ow! It's part of me. 493 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,591 Tatiana, your underwear needs more underwears. 494 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,040 Whoo! 495 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,436 Oh, this dress is my bitch! 496 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,071 Dude, we have met 37 insane women. 497 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,640 We can't bring any of these girls. 498 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,796 Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum. 499 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,918 Why would Dad forget about an old tomato? 500 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,118 No, his ultimatum. 501 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,429 Old tom... Ultimatum. 502 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:07,720 Are you saying "old tomato"? 503 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,520 Ultima-tomb. Like a tomb or a crypt. 504 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:11,635 Ultimatum. 505 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,976 Well, we gotta figure something out, 506 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,036 because the wedding's coming up quick. 507 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,896 Why is everything a competition with you? 508 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,150 And I said that first, so actually, I won that. 509 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,336 So what time are we meeting them? 510 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,112 Technically, no time. 511 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,636 Yeah, because I was thinking about emailing them... 512 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,438 but then I was thinking, um... 513 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,478 what kind of floozy-ass bimbo would respond to that ad? 514 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:44,835 Um... 515 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,000 Us. 516 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,456 Yeah, but we're not like those idiots. 517 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,595 You know what I'm saying? 518 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,558 Because they're all like, "Oh! Pick me, pick me!" 519 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,871 It's like the guys interviewing the girls. 520 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,508 Like, it immediately would put us in an inferior position. 521 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,880 We're gonna flip the script and Bachelorette that shit. 522 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,136 Those guys would be lucky to have us. 523 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,160 Right. 524 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,336 We just gotta make them think so. 525 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,360 Okay, right. 526 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,675 But, you know, I'm really not good at lying... 527 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:06,936 because I always try to start small 528 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,075 and then it gets crazy... 529 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,195 and I make-up stuff 530 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,833 that couldn't possibly be true. 531 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,754 Baby, you can do this. Let's practice, okay? 532 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:14,840 Okay. 533 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,240 Um, what do you like to do? Drink. 534 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,314 Just sweet teas. 535 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,516 Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps. 536 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:21,680 All right, straight up, 537 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:22,976 you don't have to do an accent. 538 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,035 I was doing an accent? 539 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,496 And definitely don't bring up blimps. 540 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,839 Shit! They're leaving. 541 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,400 If it was a competition, I won it. 542 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,630 All right, don't worry. 543 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:31,840 It's all part of the plan. 544 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,069 Is it? Oh, yeah. 545 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,468 What does that mean? What plan? 546 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,816 I don't know this part of the plan... 547 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,840 Whoo! Ahh! 548 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,320 Oh, fuck! 549 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,991 Tatiana! Oh! 550 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,080 Holy shit. 551 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,320 Babe. Are you okay? 552 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,357 I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!" 553 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,675 She can't breathe! 554 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,256 She can't breathe! Somebody help her! 555 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:50,280 Somebody give her CPR! 556 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,073 She can't breathe! I know CPR! 557 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,719 Great! I was a volunteer EMT! 558 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,416 Hey, don't worry. My brother's got this, okay? 559 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:56,953 I took a class. I know what I'm doing. 560 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,496 She has a weak heart! Ma'am? 561 00:18:58,520 --> 00:18:59,669 Ma'am? She has a weak heart. 562 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,956 I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically. 563 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,879 I'm here to save your fucking life, okay? 564 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,115 She's my only friend! 565 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,400 That's her only friend, Mike! 566 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,635 We got a pulse! Okay. 567 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:09,948 Don't let her die! 568 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,712 Don't you fucking let her die, Mike! 569 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,956 Just shut the fuck up, Dave! You, too, shut up! 570 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,878 Both of you, shut up! Okay? 571 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:16,960 I'm gonna save her life! 572 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,080 Plug the nose. 573 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:25,800 Oh! 574 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,313 Are you okay? 575 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,188 I am now. 576 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,593 - I saved her life! - She's okay! 577 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,193 She's okay? I saved her life! 578 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,919 Thank you! Thank you! 579 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,240 You're under arrest. 580 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,429 She hit my car! 581 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,896 No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really. 582 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,069 It happens all the time. 583 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,280 That was a vicious hit. 584 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,680 We should take you to the hospital. 585 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,640 It's crazy. It's almost like I owe you my life. 586 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,397 Almost. Yeah. Technically, yeah. 587 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:51,576 Let me help you with that ice. 588 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:52,600 I do. 589 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,869 Oh, no. 590 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,736 Seems like it's going pretty well with your guy. 591 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,479 Dude, I'm fucking crushing it! So hard! 592 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,953 Check this out. 593 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,078 The kids in my class are gonna love this story. 594 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:04,832 I'm a school teacher. 595 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,069 You're a school teacher? Wow. 596 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,959 Oop. I think they spelt "frittata" wrong on the menu. 597 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,838 I always notice words and spelling... 598 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,672 because I'm a teacher... 599 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,674 and that's what I do. 600 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,319 That's... 601 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,948 So, Alice, um, what do you do? 602 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,949 Manage a hedge fund. 603 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,435 You manage a hedge fund? 604 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,670 I don't even know what a hedge fund is. 605 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,354 Oh. So there's a regular fund, and then there's a hedge fund. 606 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,590 And our fund... 607 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,475 Uh, we hedge it. 608 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,000 We hedge it hard. 609 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,160 Oh, wow. 610 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,480 I get in, in the morning, and I'm like... 611 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,834 "How's the hedging coming?" 612 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,439 "You been hedging? You hedged much?" 613 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,915 And it's like, too big to fail. 614 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,037 Corporate greed, bailouts. 615 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,316 In a New York minute, everything can change. 616 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,518 On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N. 617 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,835 And then, Fannie Mae. 618 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,829 Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley... 619 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,280 Alice, you want some water? Yeah. 620 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,238 That's so smart. That is. 621 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,320 "But what I do have... 622 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,555 "is a particular set of skills. 623 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,200 "Skills I have acquired over a very long career. 624 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,999 "Skills that make me a nightmare 625 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,354 "for people like you." 626 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,195 Click. That's it. 627 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,549 That was amazing. 628 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,080 It was like Dave was not even here... 629 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,200 and I was just standing in a bar with Liam Neeson. 630 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,840 Like, "Hello, Liam Neeson's over here." 631 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,395 You're a professional comedian or something? 632 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,358 What? No. I sell liquor with my brother. 633 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,520 Oh. Yeah. 634 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,512 I do like to draw. Oh, yeah? 635 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,440 Yeah, I have drawings here I could show you. 636 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,069 Oh, shit, not that. Sorry. 637 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,356 Here. So, they're like The Avengers... 638 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,232 but they're different types of alcohol. 639 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,959 So, you have Tequila, 640 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,720 and then he's got his pet worm right there. 641 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,677 And his name is Lil' Mez. 642 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,433 Because he'll "Mez" you up. 643 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,318 The next one right there, that's Gin. 644 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:46,416 When he flips his cap off, 645 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:47,440 dawg, he's just like... 646 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,351 "Yo, I'll pop you off. Guaranteed. 647 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,555 "One knock." 648 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:51,875 Done. 649 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,513 Next, Whiskey. 650 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:54,736 Likes to make moonshine 651 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,398 and kill bad guys. 652 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,391 Dude, this is objectively amazing. 653 00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,595 Thanks. 654 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,075 What's the hardest thing about being a teacher? 655 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:03,720 I don't know. 656 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:06,920 Oh, um... 657 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,998 The hardest thing about being a teacher... 658 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,149 is teaching cursive. 659 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:12,759 That's awesome. 660 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:14,638 What about you? Yeah? 661 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,597 Are you seeing anyone? No. 662 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,037 My ex is gone. Long gone. 663 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,120 What do you mean? 664 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,117 He died. Of cancer. 665 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,440 Oh, my God. 666 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,600 And AIDS. 667 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:26,080 He died twice? 668 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,749 And then he died in a plane crash, so... 669 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,231 Whoo! That's a lot to take in. 670 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,311 I know! 671 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:34,868 Thank you. 672 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:36,559 Thank you, brotha. 673 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,919 Dude. 674 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,833 We should take these girls to the wedding. Right? 675 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,718 Mine's a sexy school teacher... 676 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,229 and yours... hedges funds. 677 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,799 Just keep doing sexy eyes. Okay. 678 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,313 Keep doing sexy eyes. 679 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,394 I like Alice. 680 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,955 And she's smart, she's funny, she's weird. 681 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,656 We invite these girls to the wedding, 682 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,113 suddenly we're not losers. 683 00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,793 We're winners! 684 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,496 Here they come. They're coming. 685 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,238 Hey, uh, this might sound crazy... 686 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,954 but our little sister is getting married in Hawaii... 687 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,912 and we wanted to know 688 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,275 if you guys wanted to come with. 689 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:13,959 Um... Um... 690 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:16,190 Can you just give us a second to... 691 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:17,988 Of course. 692 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,118 Okay, so just whisper like we're talking it over... 693 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,416 like we're not sure if we wanna go or not. 694 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:23,440 Oh, like... 695 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,280 What the fuck are you doing? 696 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,016 I don't understand why we're arguing! 697 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,189 I thought we wanted to go. 698 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:34,880 All right, fuck it. Let's go to Hawaii! 699 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,159 - Yes! Fuck yes! - Hawaii! 700 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,056 Yo, what you know about goin' out? 701 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,275 Head west, red Lex TV's all up in the headrest 702 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,630 Try and live it up, ride true, a bigger truck 703 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,234 Peeps all glittered up Stick up can, they go what? 704 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:51,191 Jig wit it 'cuz ship crisp, split it all 705 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,430 Ho's ride, get your nut 'till I can't get it up 706 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,717 Bad, bad, bad, bad boy 707 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,159 You make me feel so good 708 00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,240 Aloha, and welcome. 709 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,400 Hi. Aloha. 710 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:01,589 For real? 711 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,320 Let me get you gentlemen checked in, yeah? 712 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,393 Holy shit, this place is nice! 713 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,676 It's gonna be more nice. 714 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,075 Nice girls don't show off their ecstasy. 715 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,514 One of these is a multivitamin. 716 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:15,720 Is this shit free? 717 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,233 I can smoke weed out of this, 718 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,588 I can smoke weed out of this... 719 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,917 Look at that teacher, grabbing her apple a day. 720 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,193 Look at that personality from behind. 721 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,277 It is, dare I say... 722 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:28,913 well-rounded. Mmm-hmm. 723 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,040 Look at Mike. 724 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,376 He looks like a funhouse mirror version 725 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:32,480 of a better looking dude... 726 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:34,674 but he is just that dude. 727 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,871 Dave, it is so on this weekend. 728 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,435 I am not touching this guy the whole weekend. 729 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:41,856 He thinks just because he brought me here 730 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:42,880 I'm gonna sleep with him? 731 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,000 Check it out. 732 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,230 If this was Mike's dick, I'd be like... 733 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,117 Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... 734 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,720 I'd get close, but I'd never touch it. 735 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,749 They have such beautiful flowers here. 736 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,275 She's throwing out serious vibes right now. 737 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:56,475 I'm like, I'm hungry. 738 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:57,788 I'm gonna butter them biscuits. 739 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,752 I'm gonna baste them ham hocks. 740 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,273 I'm gonna be like a sex chef. 741 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,397 Mr. Grey will see you now. 742 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:04,909 I'm gonna touch Dave. 743 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,520 Every time he says something sweet... 744 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,232 I wanna get some rope and chain 745 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:09,679 in bulk from Home Depot... 746 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,751 and just see where it takes us, you know? 747 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,672 That is messed up. 748 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,077 Ladies, your wedding itineraries. 749 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,679 # DoingltForJeanie. 750 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,736 Today, we have the meet and greet by the pool. 751 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,751 And then after that, we have a dolphin excursion. 752 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,353 Friday is the rehearsal dinner. 753 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,509 Mmm-hmm. 754 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,736 That's where Dave and I are gonna be doing our big speech. 755 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,796 Will there be any downtime? 756 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,816 Yeah, 'cause I gotta keep in touch with the office. 757 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,035 I gotta call my stocks about the state of my bonds. 758 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,120 It happens a lot. 759 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,794 Mm-kay, I think we are right up here. 760 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,273 Great. So which one is me and Alice's room? 761 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:42,915 Uh... 762 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,310 I don't know. Are you and Alice gonna share a room? 763 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,795 Or I was thinking that maybe you and I... 764 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,632 would stay in the same room. 765 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,637 That sounds interesting... 766 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,791 but I don't think it would be a good idea. 767 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,160 Why not? 768 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,194 Because I don't trust myself around you. 769 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,159 You can trust me. 770 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,515 I do trust you. 771 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,639 Let's trust each other. 772 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,877 There's so much trust. 773 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,395 Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 774 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,675 I respect you so much, I can't wait to get you alone. 775 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:20,760 Yeah, we're gonna cover 776 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,056 all the room charges and stuff... 777 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,593 for up to $50 per day. 778 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:24,896 Oh, my God. You don't have to do that. 779 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,990 I'm a very strict teacher. 780 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,633 You be Michelle Pfeiffer 781 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,995 from Dangerous Minds, and I'll be... 782 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,434 I'll be Coolio. 783 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,511 Coolio's not in that movie. Oh. 784 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,718 He is in song and spirit. 785 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,633 I'm gonna call a parent-teacher conference... 786 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,518 and tell them what a bad boy you are. 787 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:45,908 Please don't tell my mommy. 788 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,519 Please don't tell my daddy. 789 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,591 I think Wi-Fi is included, too, so... 790 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:50,880 That's always nice. Yeah. Yeah. 791 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:55,119 If I were to give you a grade, I'd give you a D. 792 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,394 A big, hard D. 793 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:57,959 Why? I deserve an A. 794 00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,519 What are you talking about? Oh. 795 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:00,755 Nothing. 796 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,239 In conclusion... 797 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,789 I'm gonna stay in the room... 798 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,029 with Alice. 799 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:09,111 That one, with Alice. 800 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,633 Cool, cool. No doubt. 801 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:16,192 Somebody overcooked the soft pretzel. 802 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:18,536 My dick is hard. That's what I'm saying. 803 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:19,629 Give me five minutes. 804 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,280 Oh, my God. Ew! 805 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,477 Lift it, drop it, shake it 806 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,233 It's going down for real 807 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,595 It's going down for real 808 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,560 Grandma, I'd like you to meet Alice. 809 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,216 She's super smart, great conversationalist, 810 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,400 and she works on Wall Street. 811 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:40,833 But I'm one of the good ones. 812 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,399 I think she is. 813 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,320 I am a teacher, yeah. 814 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:47,600 And you know what? 815 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,320 The key to teaching children is repetition. 816 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,311 You'd be surprised how stupid they are. 817 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,200 Jeanie! 818 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,512 Hey, you! Hi! Hi! 819 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,514 I'm so proud to introduce our wedding dates... 820 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,318 Tatiana. And Alice. 821 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:13,834 Hi! 822 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:15,936 Oh, the bride. The gorgeous bride. 823 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:16,960 Ow! Hi. 824 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:20,795 This weekend is all about you being happy and not shattered. 825 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:21,960 Oh. Thank you. 826 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:23,075 Yeah. 827 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,160 Check out your arms. 828 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:25,520 You got some Michelle Obama arms. 829 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,031 How'd you get those guns on the plane, girl? 830 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,599 Eric... 831 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,880 you are two points hotter just being next to this woman. 832 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,136 Try 10 points hotter. 833 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:35,160 Try a million. 834 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:36,240 That's too many points. 835 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:37,440 Wow, and Jeanie, nice snag. 836 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:38,480 Thank you. 837 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,256 You guys look great together, really. 838 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:41,554 I'm liking this. Huh? 839 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,656 Maybe you two will keep these two in check a little bit. 840 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,511 I think we can. 841 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:46,988 I'll just keep him on a leash. 842 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,918 Maybe don't hurt him. 843 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,479 I like these girls. 844 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:51,709 They're so fun. 845 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:53,996 Unlike my maid of honor. 846 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,269 She's having a time. 847 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,600 How is ol' Becky Grammerstein? 848 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:57,680 She's coming. 849 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,159 Jeanie. Hey. 850 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,639 I'm in crisis mode. 851 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,478 I ordered Prosecco for the mani-pedis... 852 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:03,840 and all they have is champagne! 853 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,000 Aren't they the same thing? 854 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,275 No. No, they're not. No. 855 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:07,509 No? 856 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,832 Hello, Michael. 857 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,000 Hi, Dave. 858 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,990 Look, I'm trying to make your dreams come true, okay? 859 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,195 Right. What? 860 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,151 If this is bad news, I'm gonna eat your ass. 861 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:19,275 Sorry. Okay. 862 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,356 Purple. It better be purple. 863 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,716 I should probably go see to that. 864 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:24,880 You'll come? Yeah. 865 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,359 Thank you so much for being here. 866 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,432 Guys, good job with these two. 867 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,079 Mahalo. 868 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,508 Bye, Jeanie. 869 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:33,816 Jeanie likes the girls. 870 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,080 Jeanie likes the girls 871 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,800 Talk about Jeanie Jeanie likes the girls 872 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,637 Because it's all about Jeanie likes the girls 873 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:39,856 Oh, yeah, Jeanie likes the girls 874 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:40,880 Come on! 875 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,400 It's all about Jeanie Likes the girls 876 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:43,616 It's all about Jeanie likes the girls! 877 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,278 Mike. Where are the girls? 878 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:46,554 Oh, hello! I'm Alice. 879 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,016 I just I wanna give you a hug. 880 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:49,439 It's so nice to meet you. 881 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:50,960 Fucking A. You distracted me, man. 882 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,071 This dress is lucky to be on you. Those pins! 883 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,269 My Mike? Yes. 884 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:55,629 I can't... Wow. He did. 885 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,472 That's fantastic. 886 00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,312 Mike, Tatiana was just telling me... 887 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:00,873 that you saved her life. 888 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:02,314 I most certainly did, Father. 889 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,279 You see how great it is to have nice girls around? 890 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,640 I mean, these are nice girls. Aw! 891 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:07,795 Absolutely. 892 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,136 They are. And we brought them, so... 893 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:10,388 Excuse me. 894 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,600 Excuse me. 895 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:12,696 See you in a minute. Honey, come on. 896 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:13,856 Can I get everybody's attention? 897 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:14,880 Could we gather around? 898 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,353 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 899 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,232 We're killing this shit! We're killing. 900 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:19,549 Mom and Dad like the girls! 901 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:20,709 Ow. 902 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,233 Mom and Dad like the girls 903 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,311 Hi, I'm Keith. 904 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,914 I'm Eric's best man, his cousin... 905 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,071 and his best friend. 906 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,759 Welcome to the meet and greet! 907 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,394 Yeah! 908 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:34,749 Put your hands together... 909 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,037 for Eric and his lovely bride, Jeanie. 910 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,792 Give it up! 911 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,069 Jeanie! 912 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:42,832 Hey, everybody. A big thank you 913 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,751 to my new family, the Stangles. 914 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:45,989 We love you, Eric! 915 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,080 Thank you. 916 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,310 And to my own family, I must say... 917 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:51,958 Portland, Oregon in the house! 918 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,432 I'm really happy to finally make you all my ohana... 919 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:57,953 which means "family." 920 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,156 And as the Hawaiians say... 921 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,514 Kole maluna! 922 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,797 Which translates loosely into "bottoms up." 923 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,599 But more closely translated, it actually means... 924 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,235 "your butts to the sky"... 925 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:11,958 which is inappropriate. 926 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,793 This is gonna be magic. 927 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,671 Thank you all again, so much, for being here. 928 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:22,515 We are so happy to have you at our wedding. 929 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,794 Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 930 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:28,992 Put the mic on the stand. The stand. 931 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:31,360 Alice. 932 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:32,475 Where are you going? 933 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:33,560 Hi! What happened? 934 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:34,656 You sort of zoned out for a sec. 935 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:35,680 What's up? You okay? 936 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,229 Yeah! We're at a wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 937 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,153 You just said "wedding" three times. 938 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:41,309 I'm fine. Yeah! 939 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,200 Let's just forget about the past, and move on. 940 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,072 To the bar! 941 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:46,434 To the bar? 942 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:48,400 Mmm. Mmm. 943 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,313 Ooh. I don't think these are shots. 944 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,136 I mean, we're drinking 'em like they're shots... 945 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:55,160 but I don't think they're 946 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:56,440 supposed to be drunk like that. 947 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,516 Your face is funny. 948 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,078 Oh. Hey, Mike. 949 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,936 I was just talking to my new friend, Tatiana. 950 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,240 Tatiana, this is my cousin, Mike. 951 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,510 She knows who I am. She's my date. 952 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,439 Why would someone this attractive ever be with you? 953 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:26,856 Are you gonna hit on my date all weekend, 954 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:27,949 like bisexual Fonzie? 955 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,320 I don't think it's gonna take all weekend. Am I right? 956 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:31,794 So, you guys are cousins? 957 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:33,856 She's been jealous of me since I was a little kid. 958 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,280 What could I possibly be jealous of? 959 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,709 Your outfit looks like Jimmy Buffet's dust ruffle. 960 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,110 Do you guys always do this? 961 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,176 Okay, this is actually a very fashion-forward outfit. 962 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:43,400 No, you look like the wallpaper 963 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:44,800 from a Long John Silver's bathroom. 964 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:46,616 Cool. I'm gonna hit the buffet now... 965 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:50,269 while you guys do whatever it is you're doing. 966 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:53,355 Okay? 967 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:54,440 Good idea. 968 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:56,875 Look at that. 969 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,110 Pink little ass just bouncing away, saying... 970 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,670 Terry, come get me Terry, come get me 971 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:03,829 No, it's saying... 972 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:05,598 Mike, crawl up in this 973 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,950 Mike, crawl up in this 974 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,917 Whoa. What's up, double trouble? 975 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:11,308 Terry. Cousin of the bride. 976 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:12,776 Get at me later, we'll make a Terry sandwich. 977 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,233 Don't touch her. She has chlamydia. 978 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,549 Everybody does. No. 979 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:17,000 Not everyone does. 980 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:18,960 Saw you and Dave are doing 981 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:20,136 your speech together at the rehearsal dinner. 982 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:21,160 Mmm-hmm. 983 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:23,754 I'm going to bring the house down with my speech. 984 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:25,758 And why do you think you're such a hotshot? 985 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,069 You know Chris Rock? 986 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,831 He's my neighbor. Practiced my speech on him. 987 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,436 And he gave me seven killer jokes. 988 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,069 Suck on that, cousin. 989 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:37,760 Terry out. 990 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,638 Chris Rock? Fuck! That sounds awesome. 991 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,357 Yas, yas, yas. 992 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,278 Oh, my God. You were right. 993 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:55,634 These cheeseburgers are amazing. 994 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:56,955 I know. 995 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:58,951 Being a good girl is hard. 996 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,031 I know. It sucks. 997 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,998 You were hitting that booze too hard for a nice girl. 998 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:06,680 You need to get Luke out of your head. 999 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,472 Yeah. You do. 1000 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,029 And what better way to do that... 1001 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,953 than good old-fashioned dick flicks. 1002 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,120 Yes. 1003 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:16,309 Oh, God. 1004 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,711 Tatiana. Mike Stangle. 1005 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,871 From the meet and greet. Well, from before that. 1006 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,513 One second. 1007 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:26,640 Fuck. 1008 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,035 Hey. It's you. 1009 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:31,315 It is me. 1010 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,994 I was hoping maybe I could come in 1011 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,833 and we could watch a movie or... 1012 00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:39,996 Do whatever you wanna do. 1013 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:41,269 Why are you whispering? 1014 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,550 'Cause that's what we were doing before. 1015 00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:44,755 They've got Cockbusters. 1016 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,877 Is that supposed to be like Ghostbusters? 1017 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,911 Why would you wanna get rid of the cocks? 1018 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:50,878 What's that? She's talking in her sleep. 1019 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,873 She says the craziest stuff in her sleep. 1020 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,016 It looks like his dick is gonna pop. 1021 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,109 It's so veiny and hard. 1022 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:57,235 Tatiana! Something's hard? 1023 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:58,515 Julio. My student. 1024 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,360 I'm doing a Skype class session with him... 1025 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,516 and he's having a really hard time in the schoolyard. 1026 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,176 If you don't get in here, I'm gonna start masturbating! 1027 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,679 Oh, phooey. I've gotta go. 1028 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,496 That sounds like you guys are, watching porno, or... 1029 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:08,520 - No. - Tatiana! 1030 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:09,656 Does it smell like weed in here? 1031 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,511 You guys smoking weed? No. It was a skunk. 1032 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,056 I've gotta go, because a bunch of kids 1033 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:14,195 are waiting to hear... 1034 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,078 if they've failed second grade or not. 1035 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:19,277 Well, I am doing some grading myself, and girl... 1036 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,908 you are getting an A plus. 1037 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,000 Thank you so much. 1038 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:24,395 Mmm. 1039 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:57,480 And then win! 1040 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:58,629 Skills. Def skills. 1041 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,239 Cheers to Tatiana and Alice. 1042 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,515 We're so glad you're here. 1043 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:03,955 Yes. Cheers. 1044 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,236 You guys, Alice and I found this really cool thing. 1045 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,072 Jurassic Park ATV Tours! 1046 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,310 You ride ATVs where they shot Jurassic Park. 1047 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:15,752 Actually, we are about to go swimming with the dolphins. 1048 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,071 It's on the itinerary, so... 1049 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,151 But, guys, Jurassic P! 1050 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:21,679 I love this movie! 1051 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,354 Oh, my gosh, on ATVs, this would be so sick. 1052 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:25,748 "Welcome... 1053 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,639 "...to Jurassic Park." 1054 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:29,920 "That is a big pile of shit." 1055 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,520 "Oh, you're not so scary, little guy." 1056 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:39,793 What is going on here? 1057 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:42,429 Oh! Oh! 1058 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,671 I wish we could do that... 1059 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,671 but we have a date with the dolphins... 1060 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,159 at the bottom of the ocean, so... 1061 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,788 Don't you think we should do what Jeanie wants to do? 1062 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,473 I mean, it is her wedding after all. 1063 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:54,834 Right, Mike? 1064 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,071 I'm so happy we're here! 1065 00:37:26,240 --> 00:37:28,674 This is where the dinos ran in the prairie! 1066 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:29,840 I know, girl! 1067 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,150 Check it out! I'm a brontosaurus! 1068 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,356 I'm a T-Rex. I'm coming to get you! 1069 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,389 Guys, butts on seats, okay? No hot dogging! 1070 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,559 "They're flocking this way!" 1071 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,473 Here's a T-Rex! 1072 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,512 "Life finds a way." 1073 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,871 Jeanie! Eric! 1074 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:03,393 Hey! 1075 00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,432 Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric. 1076 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,717 I wasn't lost. Just driving at a reasonable pace. 1077 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,200 Stay there. We'll come to you. 1078 00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,199 All right, we better go around. 1079 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,713 This ledge looks super dangerous. 1080 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,030 Oh, yeah, Mike's right. It does look dangerous. 1081 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,194 It's a good thing my middle name is "dangerous!" 1082 00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:21,400 Yeah, it is! 1083 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,391 Whoo! Whoa! 1084 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,239 Oh, God! What? 1085 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:33,518 Oh, my God, she's Superman! 1086 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:39,549 Oh, my God! 1087 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:40,914 A-Money! 1088 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:45,753 Oh! 1089 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,919 I still think we should go around. 1090 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,270 She just got some serious air, bro! 1091 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:51,736 You call that serious air? 1092 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,159 Check this fucking shit out. 1093 00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,389 Whoo! 1094 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,311 Suck my clit, fuckers! 1095 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:57,400 Whoo! 1096 00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:01,240 Whoo! 1097 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:02,349 Oh, not again. 1098 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:04,360 Yeah, baby! 1099 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,590 Easy does it. Nothing fancy. 1100 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,576 Oh, my God. Look at what she's doing! 1101 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:14,600 I see it! 1102 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,751 Sweet candied nuts. 1103 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:21,560 Oh! 1104 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,439 Who are these girls? 1105 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:26,520 Whoo! 1106 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,352 Um... 1107 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,034 Where did you guys learn to do that? 1108 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:32,952 We lived in Baja. Oh. 1109 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,712 Tore up a lot of trail down there. 1110 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,188 Made a lot of friends. 1111 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,359 Made even more enemies. 1112 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:39,709 God, I miss Baja. 1113 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,712 Your turn, Mike! Don't be a pussy! 1114 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:46,515 I'm not gonna do it. 1115 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,631 Name calling doesn't work on me, so... 1116 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,074 Mike, it'll turn me on 1117 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:51,553 if you take that jump. 1118 00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:53,472 Turn me on if you don't. 1119 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,631 Still not going to, still. 1120 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:56,800 I'm not gonna do it. 1121 00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,154 Like we would ever do that. 1122 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,072 No way. 1123 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,160 Come on! Do it. 1124 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:02,548 He's not gonna do it. Do it! 1125 00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:04,199 Do not do it. 1126 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,998 No, definitely don't do that. 1127 00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:08,117 It's a bad idea. It's a stupid, dumb idea. 1128 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,296 And it's dangerous, and it's foolish. 1129 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:10,320 Yes, it is. 1130 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:12,160 I'm gonna do it! 1131 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:14,760 Mike! 1132 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:17,909 Oh, shit! Oh. 1133 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:19,594 Oh! 1134 00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:20,869 I'm never gonna die! 1135 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,758 Oh, shit. He going fast. 1136 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,512 Oh, no. Keep it straight! 1137 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,480 Oh, he's shanking it. 1138 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,079 Whoo! Got it, got it! 1139 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:43,554 Oh, no, God! 1140 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:44,715 Jeanie, move! 1141 00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:50,280 No! 1142 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,432 No! 1143 00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,235 It's gonna be fine. 1144 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,716 Your face is making me think it's gonna be bad. 1145 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,677 I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 1146 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:22,800 - You know? - No. Yeah. 1147 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,136 Just show us what we're working with, 1148 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:25,160 and it'll be fine. 1149 00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:26,240 Okay. Okay? 1150 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:27,919 Is it okay? 1151 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,513 Oh, my God! Oh! God! Oh! 1152 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,269 Wow! Don't you look good? 1153 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,951 Your face! Shut up, Mike! 1154 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:37,911 You shut up, Becky! Have you seen her face? 1155 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:39,911 Oh, God! What? 1156 00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:41,216 It looks like you were making meth, 1157 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:42,309 and the bathtub exploded. 1158 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:44,919 You look like Burn Victim Barbie. 1159 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:46,599 Hush it up! 1160 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:47,909 And you're Black Ken. 1161 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,911 Stop! Okay. 1162 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,150 It's like an exaggerated smoky eye. 1163 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,271 Dave, be honest. Is it bad? 1164 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,195 This side, there's a little... 1165 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,336 There's a little discoloration there. 1166 00:41:58,360 --> 00:41:59,395 Little discoloration. 1167 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:00,595 Which side is it? 1168 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,456 You could do a dance the whole night 1169 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:03,736 where you just hold a hand over your face. 1170 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:04,880 Oh, that's smart. Okay. 1171 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:05,955 It's like a new thing. 1172 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:07,951 Do the Jeanie Do the Jeanie 1173 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:09,752 Like this? 1174 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,837 Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie. Do it. 1175 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:13,456 - I'm doing the Jeanie. - Do the Jeanie, y'all. 1176 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:14,515 It's a one-two step. 1177 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,437 All right, that's enough. 1178 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,318 Enough dancing! You and you... 1179 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:19,839 outside, now! 1180 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:21,194 Honey, calm down. 1181 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,513 Honey, calm down. Sorry. 1182 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,989 Do you understand they've deformed our little girl... 1183 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,276 the day before her goddamn wedding? 1184 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,716 She looks like Seal, for Christ's sake! 1185 00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,597 Oh! Why, Dad? 1186 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:34,680 Ow! 1187 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,119 Do you think he's gonna spank us? 1188 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:38,320 What? 1189 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,040 Never mind. 1190 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,116 I haven't seen him this pissed in a long time. 1191 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,235 Oop. 1192 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,151 Yeah. It's the other door. 1193 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:47,149 They meet in the middle. 1194 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:48,798 They meet in the middle. God damn it! 1195 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,395 Dad, listen. I know what you're gonna say. 1196 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,795 You're right. We're gonna sue the ATV companies. 1197 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,074 - Right? - I see. 1198 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:58,200 Not what I was gonna say. 1199 00:42:58,320 --> 00:42:59,600 Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch. 1200 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,318 Mike, stop! 1201 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,710 You've got to own this. This is your fault. 1202 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:04,800 It's not. 1203 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,311 If anything, it's the girls' fault. 1204 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:08,914 They're crazy. 1205 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,469 The girls aren't the problem! 1206 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:12,913 You are. 1207 00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,196 What the hell did you think was gonna happen, huh? 1208 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,072 What did you think was gonna happen? 1209 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:18,280 We had a plan. 1210 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,829 The plan was to swim with dolphins... 1211 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,672 and eat bananas afterwards. 1212 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:24,736 See, Dad, I'm not gonna point any fingers here... 1213 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:25,760 but indirectly... 1214 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:27,273 we wouldn't have been on ATVs 1215 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:28,640 if the girls hadn't forced us to. 1216 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,194 And who made us bring dates in the first place? 1217 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,429 Not pointing fingers. Yeah. 1218 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,801 All right. I'm gonna take back what I said to you earlier. 1219 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,036 I am going to lump you in together. 1220 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,033 All right, you are lumped! 1221 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:43,551 The hell is wrong with you, huh? 1222 00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:46,073 What the hell is wrong with you? 1223 00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,039 Dad. 1224 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:53,073 Fuck. 1225 00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,716 Everyone get the fuck away from me. 1226 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,269 Move! Adult Swim! 1227 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,839 It's all fucked now. 1228 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,717 It's all fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie. 1229 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:05,831 Jeanie's special weekend, and I ruin it. 1230 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:09,515 Hey, hey, hey, Alice? That was not your fault, okay? 1231 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,056 That's two weddings that I've ruined. 1232 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,593 It's just like, "Stupid Alice!" 1233 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,069 Look, it's too bad that Jeanie's face got shredded... 1234 00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:16,952 but this is supposed to be our vacay. 1235 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:18,837 Remember? We're supposed to be having fun... 1236 00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:19,989 and going on adventures. 1237 00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:21,195 Get in here with me. 1238 00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:22,856 I'm gonna find her. I'm gonna make it up to her. 1239 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,348 No, no! You're not listening to me. Don't leave me! 1240 00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:28,560 Ah! 1241 00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:33,268 Oh. 1242 00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:34,595 Hmm? 1243 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,040 Thanks again for letting me join your spa day, ladies. 1244 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:38,553 It's not like you asked or anything, 1245 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:40,870 but you're here. Yay. 1246 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,436 What did you guys do for your bachelorette party? 1247 00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:45,560 Did it get crazy? Did you guys do that thing... 1248 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:46,675 where you go to Vegas 1249 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,432 and you dress up as a prostitute... 1250 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,478 and you go out and there's a contest... 1251 00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,755 to see who can get the most money from a john... 1252 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:54,936 but then you tell him, "I'm an undercover cop"... 1253 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:56,416 and they, like, beg that you don't tell 1254 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:57,953 their children and their wives... 1255 00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,235 and they piss themselves, 1256 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:00,880 and you've got the whole thing on video. 1257 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:02,393 And then you put it on YouTube 1258 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:03,993 and then there's the Auto-Tune remix. 1259 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:05,160 Did you do that thing? 1260 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:06,909 No. No. 1261 00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:11,756 I didn't actually end up having one, so... 1262 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,640 Why? Every bride needs a bachelorette party. 1263 00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:15,876 I'm sorry Cabo didn't work out, Jeanie. 1264 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:17,473 I know. It's fine. 1265 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:18,656 You know I couldn't get the time off work. 1266 00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:19,776 And it would have ruined it for you, 1267 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,028 down there without me. 1268 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:22,376 Is there some tension about this? 1269 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:23,656 So I just thought, "Let's cancel the whole trip," 1270 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:24,999 if that makes sense. 1271 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,136 Jeanie, can you keep it down? On the phone with Tokyo. 1272 00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:28,296 Did I bring up something uncomfortable? 1273 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,629 Also, I caught the shingles because it was so stressful. 1274 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:33,680 'Cause it feels like I did. 1275 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:35,240 Plus they have Mexican bed bugs. 1276 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,115 I need you guys to stop it! 1277 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,469 Oh, that fucking gaping mouth of yours, shut it! 1278 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:45,040 Shut it! 1279 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,189 I just want to relax! Is that too much to ask? 1280 00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,200 Please! I just wanna relax. 1281 00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:56,240 How are you feeling, Jeanie? 1282 00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,799 A little stressed out. 1283 00:45:57,960 --> 00:45:59,393 I'll give you a minute to disrobe. 1284 00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:00,794 Yeah, okay. 1285 00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,996 Face down on the table. 1286 00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,876 Hi, um, that is my best friend in there... 1287 00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:07,976 and she's getting married tomorrow, 1288 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,149 and she's a little uptight. 1289 00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,749 And I was wondering if you could, um, 1290 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,559 help her let loose a little bit? 1291 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:15,755 You know? 1292 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:20,868 Give her the "Hawaii Five Oh" experience? 1293 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,839 The wink-wink, nudge-nudge massage, you know? 1294 00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,390 I can't really wink, but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge? 1295 00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:29,438 Are you okay? Yeah. 1296 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,192 Looks like you had a bit of a fit. 1297 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:33,954 No, no. That's wink... That's wink-wink... 1298 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,430 I feel like I've gotten what you're trying to say. 1299 00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:38,795 Great. 1300 00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:39,880 But I figured it out. 1301 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:41,480 You didn't really communicate it to me. 1302 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:42,560 Okay, that's fair. 1303 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:46,474 Yes, you want the special "I am blissful" massage? 1304 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,716 Yeah. 1305 00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:50,240 Um... 1306 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,237 How blissful is that? Oh, don't worry. 1307 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:53,913 Physically, no penetration. 1308 00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:55,080 Classy. 1309 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:58,112 Spiritually, I'll be doing an intimate tour of her qi. 1310 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,436 Oh, you're gonna be good in there. I can tell. 1311 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:03,080 How's the temperature in here, Jeanie? 1312 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,397 Oh, it's good. Good. Comfy. 1313 00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,916 Good. Take down the light a little bit. 1314 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:10,752 So you're getting married, huh? 1315 00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:12,598 I am. Yeah. 1316 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,638 I know it can be a stressful time. 1317 00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,153 You know it's like, 1318 00:47:17,240 --> 00:47:19,595 "Who is this for, me or my family?" 1319 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,194 Yeah. I've recently had an injury to my face... 1320 00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,391 which I'm a little stressed out about. 1321 00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:26,080 Are you okay with oil? 1322 00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:27,554 Yeah, sure. 1323 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:31,856 You know, in my country... 1324 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,156 they call oil "God's beautiful lubricant." 1325 00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:38,310 It sounds better in my language. 1326 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:41,597 Khuda ka khubsurat lubricant. 1327 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,478 Oh, that's lovely. 1328 00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:44,560 'Kay. 1329 00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,039 Some ground rules. 1330 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,680 One, no emotions. 1331 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:49,800 Okay. 1332 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:50,880 Two, breathe. 1333 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,359 Ahh... 1334 00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,271 Three, there is no penetration, 1335 00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:55,628 only vibration. 1336 00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,275 What is happening? 1337 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,870 I call this "The Bent Penguin." 1338 00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:05,508 This one is just "The Ham and Eggs." 1339 00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,592 This one is called "When Moons Collide." 1340 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,274 "Angry Hummingbird." "Angry Hummingbird." 1341 00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:13,795 This one is called "House by the Airport." 1342 00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,190 Just checking in. Everything good? 1343 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,429 Hope you're enjoying this. 1344 00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,033 For me, it's just another Friday. 1345 00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:27,991 "Happy Doll." 1346 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:33,158 This one is just called "Taking a Break." I am pooped. 1347 00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,039 A little break. That's nice. 1348 00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:39,075 Here we go again. 1349 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,513 Are you even touching me? 1350 00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:45,154 No, but my aura is. 1351 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,988 Yes, it is! 1352 00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:50,514 Sweet baby Jesus! 1353 00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:10,749 How's it going? 1354 00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:13,748 Shit, I thought I was alone in here. 1355 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,878 Oh, yeah. You're not. I mean, we're alone. 1356 00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,795 How's Mike? Still really jealous of me? 1357 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:24,188 It's like, yeah, okay, do I own a Tesla? Yes. 1358 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,999 Do I make a shit-ton of money, like, way more than Mike? 1359 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:28,479 Yes. But it's like, who cares? 1360 00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,710 Do I get backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1361 00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,520 Do I have a glass blowing studio in my basement? 1362 00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,591 Hold up, backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1363 00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:37,671 Yeah, she likes to have me around. You know. 1364 00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:39,592 RiRi is Alice's jam. 1365 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:40,749 Oh, RiRi, is it? 1366 00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:41,875 Yes. That's funny. 1367 00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:43,256 She would freak out if I got her 1368 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:44,508 backstage tickets to Rihanna. 1369 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,238 Well, you could get her tickets. 1370 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:47,799 From me. I'm right here. 1371 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,353 Are you serious? 1372 00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:51,397 Oh, God, steam rooms just open up 1373 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,833 your pores, you know? 1374 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,516 They open up everything. 1375 00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:02,878 Backstage at RiRi is very fun. Sometimes she plays the DJ. 1376 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:04,473 You know, just scratching records. 1377 00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:05,629 You know like... 1378 00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:11,752 Shit, man. That's... 1379 00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,232 Are you saying you want me to get in there for the tickets? 1380 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:18,039 No. No, no, no. No. 1381 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,552 Yes. 1382 00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:25,559 Tatiana? 1383 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:27,708 Tatiana? Whoa. 1384 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:31,597 Sorry about that. Looking for my wedding date. 1385 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:33,160 Tatiana? 1386 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:34,395 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 1387 00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:39,629 Please leave, sir. 1388 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:41,040 What are you doing to my sister? 1389 00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:42,195 Mike, I'm coming. 1390 00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:43,708 No! 1391 00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:55,394 Get out! 1392 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,836 Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. 1393 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:04,831 So, are we, like, close, or... 1394 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:07,760 Let's put the washing machine on spin cycle. There we go. 1395 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:10,674 What the... Tatiana! 1396 00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:13,553 Terry! 1397 00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:14,835 Tatiana! 1398 00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:15,995 Shut the fuck up, Mike. 1399 00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:19,520 Whoa! 1400 00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:20,800 I'm gonna kick your ass. 1401 00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,319 He is losing this fight! 1402 00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:29,511 Oh, God! I can see your nipple! 1403 00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:30,600 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 1404 00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:34,840 Get your butt out of my face! 1405 00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:43,037 Well, thank you so much. 1406 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:45,158 Um, I definitely needed this. 1407 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,118 I know. Bring this gift into your marriage. 1408 00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,194 All you need is load-bearing ribbons. 1409 00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:52,349 Okay. 1410 00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:53,953 And a reinforced ceiling. 1411 00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,040 Oh. 1412 00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:56,354 I should warn you... 1413 00:51:56,480 --> 00:52:00,519 you may experience some aftershock orgasms. 1414 00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:01,994 Oh. 1415 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:03,832 So, I wouldn't operate any heavy machinery 1416 00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:05,319 for a couple weeks. 1417 00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,074 That is not a euphemism for penis. I mean like... 1418 00:52:08,240 --> 00:52:10,356 tractors, cranes... 1419 00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,710 Okay. ...big boats. 1420 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,552 Good to know. 1421 00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:15,789 Oh, and please hydrate. 1422 00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:17,035 Okay. 1423 00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:21,273 I cannot stress this enough. The consequences could be... 1424 00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:23,959 You could develop cancer. 1425 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:26,794 You have a very good friend. 1426 00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,634 Wait, you did that? 1427 00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,918 Yeah, well, I felt so bad about your fucked up face... 1428 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,399 and I wanted to make it up to you. 1429 00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:41,359 Aw! Thank you. 1430 00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:43,233 Hey, who needs a bachelorette party 1431 00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:44,514 when they have you around? 1432 00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:47,797 He rubbed my butt. Yeah? 1433 00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,632 But with his butt. 1434 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:52,394 It was like... He was on ribbons. 1435 00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:55,376 I don't know what you did with Jeanie in the spa... 1436 00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:56,958 but she's in a great mood. 1437 00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,554 Yeah, no problem. She just needed a release. 1438 00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:02,029 Oh, um, I had an idea for your graphic novel. 1439 00:53:02,240 --> 00:53:04,470 I thought you could do like a Rum character, 1440 00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:06,120 who's like Rastafarian, and he's like... 1441 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,510 "I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum, 1442 00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:09,919 "and I play the steel drum." 1443 00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:12,720 "You can rum, but you cannot hide, mon." 1444 00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,354 Yeah, that's awesome. Already, that's so amazing. 1445 00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:17,829 No, that's such a good idea. How did I not think of that? 1446 00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:21,154 I think when I get back, 1447 00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:23,913 I'm gonna stop selling liquor with Mike... 1448 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:25,513 and start drawing full time. 1449 00:53:25,720 --> 00:53:27,153 Really? Yeah. 1450 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:28,833 That's amazing. 1451 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:30,069 Do you know how few people 1452 00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:31,336 know what they really wanna do? 1453 00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:32,360 But then I think about 1454 00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:33,616 what Mike's gonna think about it all... 1455 00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,596 and he's gonna hate that idea. 1456 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:37,478 He's so clingy. 1457 00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:38,959 When we were kids, 1458 00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:40,439 if I fell asleep before Mike... 1459 00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,600 he would always wake me up so he wouldn't feel alone. 1460 00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:44,591 That's kinda sweet. Yeah. 1461 00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,398 I don't know. I just... 1462 00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:51,553 Do you ever get that feeling... 1463 00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:55,235 that you're not good enough to get what you really want... 1464 00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,197 so you're too scared to try? 1465 00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:00,234 All the time. 1466 00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:01,960 Really? 1467 00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:03,678 Like, all the time. It's terrifying. 1468 00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:05,757 It is, it's terrifying. Yeah. 1469 00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:06,920 You're, like, stuck. 1470 00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:08,718 Totally. Yeah. 1471 00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:10,600 Thanks. It's nice talking to you about this. 1472 00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,159 Hey, where you going? 1473 00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:26,656 Is there a gang bang in the ballroom 1474 00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:27,680 you need to emcee? 1475 00:54:27,720 --> 00:54:29,199 Don't be such a drama king. 1476 00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:30,992 Yeah, I'm totally overreacting. 1477 00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,616 When you invite someone to a wedding... 1478 00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:33,736 they obviously are supposed to 1479 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:34,976 finger diddle your family members. 1480 00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,000 That's common courtesy! 1481 00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:38,390 Okay, hold up. I am a grown-ass woman. 1482 00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:40,636 I can finger diddle whomever I want. 1483 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:41,988 Just because you say "whomever" 1484 00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:43,274 does not make it okay. 1485 00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:44,634 It's not a big deal. 1486 00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:46,910 It's just like texting someone. 1487 00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:49,071 Oh. It's just like Tinder. 1488 00:54:49,240 --> 00:54:51,800 Swipe right, swipe right, swipe left. 1489 00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:53,711 Swipe left, swipe right. 1490 00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,597 That's very graphic. That is... 1491 00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:56,999 Rotating your photos. 1492 00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:58,798 Expanding them, contracting them. 1493 00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:00,376 Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? 1494 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:01,515 Is that what you're doing? 1495 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:02,715 What? No! 1496 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,216 I was just trying to get RiRi tickets... 1497 00:55:04,240 --> 00:55:06,231 to make my best friend feel better, okay? 1498 00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:07,879 We're on vacay. 1499 00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:10,920 No... 1500 00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,190 You are invited to my sister's wedding. 1501 00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:14,793 You're supposed to smile, nod... 1502 00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:16,188 and do what I want you to do. 1503 00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:17,360 That's the deal. 1504 00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,752 I thought that we had a connection. 1505 00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:21,360 Like a spark. 1506 00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,016 You thought you were gonna bring me here 1507 00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:24,439 so that you could have sex with me. 1508 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:27,234 Yes. No! What? Yeah, right. 1509 00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:28,320 Really? 1510 00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:31,998 Yes, obviously. 1511 00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,196 You are so hot. And you smell good. 1512 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,256 It's not a weird thing that I wanna have sex with you... 1513 00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,236 because you are very sexy... 1514 00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,516 and you were leading me on, and we are in Hawaii... 1515 00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:42,560 which is a sexy place, and people have sex here. 1516 00:55:42,720 --> 00:55:44,995 God, dude, you built this all up in your head. 1517 00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:47,037 Alice and I just saw you on TV... 1518 00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,998 wanted to go to Hawaii. Hold up. 1519 00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:51,040 Fuck. 1520 00:55:51,240 --> 00:55:52,240 You saw us on TV? 1521 00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:54,391 No, I don't even watch Wendy Williams. 1522 00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:00,640 What? 1523 00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:03,433 What? Shh! 1524 00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:04,839 I thought you dug me. 1525 00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:06,274 Are you even a teacher? 1526 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:10,280 No. 1527 00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:11,480 What about little Julio... 1528 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,750 the dyslexic boy who you taught how to read? 1529 00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:16,275 Made it up. All of it. 1530 00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:17,440 Although I did have sex 1531 00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:18,800 with this guy name Julio once... 1532 00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:20,359 and I'm pretty sure he couldn't read. 1533 00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:22,656 Here I thought you were Michelle Pfeiffer 1534 00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:23,829 from Dangerous Minds. 1535 00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:26,150 Turns out, you're Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarface. 1536 00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:28,313 And you didn't even 1537 00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,790 say hello to my little friend. 1538 00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:38,277 Oh, come on, man. 1539 00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,389 Mike. 1540 00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,876 I'm really sorry. Um... 1541 00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,076 I've been acting crazy. 1542 00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:02,039 It's probably about Luke, my ex. 1543 00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,271 Oh, yeah. The guy who died in the plane crash... 1544 00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,076 with cancer, and AIDS, and stuff. 1545 00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:09,958 Yeah, that's the one. 1546 00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:12,756 Except none of that stuff happened, 'cause, um... 1547 00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:18,198 I lied. 1548 00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:19,360 You lied? 1549 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:21,712 I can't do this. 1550 00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:22,880 Wait. 1551 00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:24,115 Sorry. 1552 00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:25,349 That's okay. That's okay. 1553 00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:26,794 Sorry everyone. 1554 00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:30,071 I just forgot my phone. Can I grab my phone? 1555 00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:33,630 Sorry, I still don't want to get married. 1556 00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:37,435 Oh, my gosh. 1557 00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,473 That's almost as bad as the plane crash story. 1558 00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:42,799 Why didn't you just tell me? 1559 00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,950 I didn't want you to think I was damaged goods. 1560 00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:49,912 I would never think that. 1561 00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:51,954 "Love hurts. 1562 00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:54,632 "Love scars. 1563 00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:58,588 "Love wounds, and mars." 1564 00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:03,792 That's from a really old song, for old people. 1565 00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:06,917 Why are you so nice? 1566 00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:11,831 'Cause I think you're nice. 1567 00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:20,080 David! 1568 00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:23,633 David, I need you here with me now. Come on. 1569 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:25,028 No. No. 1570 00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,835 Stangles, assemble. Now! 1571 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:29,718 Let's go. Is he okay? 1572 00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:30,800 Yeah, I think he's fine. 1573 00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:32,016 He's just got a lot on his mind. 1574 00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:33,040 Let's go! 1575 00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:34,712 Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez. 1576 00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:38,709 Oh... I... 1577 00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:40,711 You gave me a boost up. Okay. 1578 00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:49,919 A line has been drawn, David. 1579 00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,628 A clear line in the sand. 1580 00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:54,376 Is that why you brought me all the way down here... 1581 00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:56,516 so you could literally draw a line in the sand? 1582 00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:57,794 I'm a visual thinker, David. 1583 00:58:57,880 --> 00:58:59,154 God damn it! Son of a... 1584 00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,238 These girls, they've gotta go. 1585 00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,038 They pretended to dig us 1586 00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:07,509 just to get a free trip to Hawaii. 1587 00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:08,954 They're liars! 1588 00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:11,156 So what, man? So they lied. 1589 00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:12,993 I was talking to Alice. 1590 00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:14,991 You have no idea what this girl's been through. 1591 00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,674 She needed this trip. We might have saved her life. 1592 00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,918 We should be practicing our speech for tonight. 1593 00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:23,434 Not babysitting the twins from The Shining. 1594 00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:27,753 Oh, my God. 1595 00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,279 Why are you laughing at me? 1596 00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:31,576 You sound like mom and dad when they're talking about us. 1597 00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:33,511 Well, no, fuck that noise. 1598 00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:35,678 Oh. Oh. Oh. 1599 00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:37,313 Guess what! You're gonna love this. 1600 00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:41,359 Tatiana was jerking off our cousin Terry. 1601 00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:43,192 What? Mmm-hmm. 1602 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:44,395 Cousin Terry has a dick? 1603 00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:46,318 No, not "jerking off" jerking off. 1604 00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:48,595 The female version of jerking. 1605 00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:50,432 Dude, let's just chill out... 1606 00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,716 focus on Jeanie, and try not to be assholes... 1607 00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:54,256 for the rest of the weekend, okay? Can we do that? 1608 00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:55,918 I can't do that, David. 1609 00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,396 Because I saw our little sister... 1610 00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:00,240 What? 1611 01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,509 Well, let's just say she was making this face... 1612 01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:07,598 What? She saw a ghost? 1613 01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:11,153 She really had to pee? 1614 01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:13,520 Doing vocal warmups? 1615 01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:16,096 What are you doing? It looks like you're having an orgasm. 1616 01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:19,430 She was, David! With the masseuse. 1617 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,319 What! Yes! 1618 01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:22,669 Oh, my God! 1619 01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:23,800 She orgasms like a star. 1620 01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:24,949 No! 1621 01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:26,189 What's next? 1622 01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:30,911 I'm gonna walk in on mom giving dad a Push Pop? 1623 01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:32,635 What's a Push Pop? 1624 01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:34,318 I made it up, Dave. 1625 01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:36,078 It's a sexual term that I just made up. 1626 01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:37,434 What's a Push Pop? 1627 01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:38,788 I don't know. 1628 01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:40,711 What's a Push Pop? I don't know! 1629 01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:41,994 What's a Push Pop? 1630 01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:43,416 I've been to the bowels of the Internet, 1631 01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:44,640 and I've never seen a Push Pop. 1632 01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:46,352 God, just tell me! What's a Push Pop? 1633 01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,431 It's a whole hand up an ass, David. 1634 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:50,511 Is that what you want me to say? 1635 01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:54,036 Oh, God! Two hands pushin' the pop. 1636 01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:56,230 Oh, God. Is that what you want me to say? 1637 01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:57,878 I'll send you some links. 1638 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:18,240 We're at table two. 1639 01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:19,360 I'll be at the bar. 1640 01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:21,033 I said table two. I'll be at the bar! 1641 01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:22,394 You're out of control! 1642 01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:24,240 Thank you. 1643 01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:26,918 Trouble in paradise? 1644 01:01:31,120 --> 01:01:33,953 Freaking I don't care if I cause a scene. 1645 01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:36,588 Freaking I will punch you 17,000 times 1646 01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:38,079 in the face. Freaking. 1647 01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:39,240 Take a shot. 1648 01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:42,280 You look like Don Johnson fucked Zack Morris. 1649 01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:44,416 Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty speech 1650 01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:45,919 after my crazy dope one. 1651 01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:47,840 She's never gonna touch your baby bird again. 1652 01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:51,192 Thriller-Terry out! 1653 01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:54,359 So sad! 1654 01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:55,856 Oh, my God. It's a movie about cameras 1655 01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:57,108 just following you everywhere. 1656 01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:58,400 Like The Truman Show. 1657 01:01:58,480 --> 01:01:59,776 Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show! 1658 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,472 Hey, Dave! Dave! 1659 01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:02,868 Hey, what's up? 1660 01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,216 I need you to come backstage right now 1661 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:05,719 and practice the speech. 1662 01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:06,949 Uh... 1663 01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,150 Dude, I'm kind of talking to Alice right now. 1664 01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:11,216 Which is a conversation you've now interrupted twice. 1665 01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:12,434 Our speech needs to kill. 1666 01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:14,636 Terry got a punch up from Chris Rock. 1667 01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:16,096 I didn't want to tell you before 1668 01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:17,456 because I didn't want you to freak out. 1669 01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:18,480 I'm not freaking out. 1670 01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:19,993 Calm the fuck down, Dave! 1671 01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:21,275 You calm the fuck down! 1672 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:23,192 Mike, you look like your face is gonna pop. 1673 01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:25,237 You gonna come or what? 1674 01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:26,719 Let's go. 1675 01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:28,392 I'll see you backstage. 1676 01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:31,915 Uh... 1677 01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:33,056 I'm gonna go deal with this real quick. 1678 01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:34,080 Okay. 1679 01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,071 I'll just talk to myself for a while. All alone. 1680 01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:41,117 ...look on your stupid face! 1681 01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:42,713 What's wrong with me? 1682 01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:44,496 Don't fucking look at her. Turn around. 1683 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:45,919 Everybody get the fuck out of here. 1684 01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:47,353 Fuck you, Luke. 1685 01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:50,274 I'm just gonna have a little lie down, okay? 1686 01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:03,389 Hi! 1687 01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:04,993 Hi! Hi! 1688 01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:07,196 Did you need to take a little breather, too? 1689 01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:08,793 No. Why? Are you? 1690 01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:10,313 Well... 1691 01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:12,393 You know, you think that 1692 01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:14,391 every moment is going to feel... 1693 01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:16,789 warm and glowy... 1694 01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:18,677 and absolutely magical. 1695 01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:21,718 But, then, some stuff happens. 1696 01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:23,835 Sure does. Yeah. 1697 01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:29,477 Well, if you want warm, glowy and magical... 1698 01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:31,395 I have just the thing. 1699 01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:33,234 I don't leave home without it. 1700 01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:37,593 Ecstasy! Oh! 1701 01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:39,136 Every bride deserves to have a little fun 1702 01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:40,309 the night before her wedding! 1703 01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,356 Yeah. I deserve to have a little fun. 1704 01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:45,312 You are so nice to me. 1705 01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:46,560 Aww. 1706 01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:50,680 This is gonna be so much fun! 1707 01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:53,216 We should find something to suck on. 1708 01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:54,240 What? Oh. 1709 01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:55,320 Mike! 1710 01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:56,594 Here. Put these on. 1711 01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:58,634 We need headsets? Yeah! 1712 01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:01,275 There's a lot of dancing in our speech, my man. Right? 1713 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:02,554 Gotta go hands free. 1714 01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:04,153 This is how we do it, baby. 1715 01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,310 Come on. Hey, check this out. 1716 01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,436 I'm going to "wedding crash" cousin Terry. 1717 01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:09,555 What? 1718 01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:10,736 Put a few eye drops in her drink. 1719 01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:12,576 That way she shits all night, and can't do the speech. 1720 01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:13,896 Just like in the movie Wedding Crashers. 1721 01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:15,672 Mike, that is a terrible idea. 1722 01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:16,875 You've seen the movie! 1723 01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:18,096 Of course I've seen the movie. 1724 01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:19,997 You love that movie. Everyone loves that movie. 1725 01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:21,536 How's it a bad idea if you love the movie? 1726 01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:23,576 I love Taken. I don't want to go steal little girls. 1727 01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:25,336 But we shouldn't wedding crash our own cousin. 1728 01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:26,554 I'm worried about you, man. 1729 01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:28,520 I'm really worried that you're losing your mind. 1730 01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:30,278 The look in your eyes right now... 1731 01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:32,436 You haven't blinked since we've started talking. 1732 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:33,953 Oh, Davie, Davie, Davie! 1733 01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:35,269 What? 1734 01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:38,274 I've never been in more control in my entire life. 1735 01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:42,077 Mike! 1736 01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:43,997 Whoo! Ugh. Mike! 1737 01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:45,919 This is really intense. 1738 01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:48,256 Yeah, it's hitting me really hard. 1739 01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:50,111 This is good ecstasy. 1740 01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:52,560 I don't know. I wouldn't know. It's my first time. 1741 01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:53,953 Wait, what? What? 1742 01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:56,395 Why would you take ecstasy for the first time 1743 01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:57,879 on the night before your wedding? 1744 01:04:57,960 --> 01:04:58,960 What? 1745 01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:00,433 That is so baller! 1746 01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:03,157 Like a tiny blonde gangsta! 1747 01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:04,440 This little gangsta would kill 1748 01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:05,680 for a motherfucking ginger ale! 1749 01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:07,829 Do you wanna go? Mmm-hmm. 1750 01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:09,393 Okay, let's go. 1751 01:05:09,480 --> 01:05:11,311 Hello, everyone. Please take your seats. 1752 01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:13,551 Welcome to the rehearsal dinner... 1753 01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:15,992 for my man, Eric... 1754 01:05:16,120 --> 01:05:18,429 and his bride-to-be, the lovely Jeanie. 1755 01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,438 They're two of the sweetest, best people I ever met. 1756 01:05:21,600 --> 01:05:23,830 All right. Our first speaker tonight... 1757 01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:25,757 is resident nasty girl... 1758 01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:26,909 Cousin Terry. 1759 01:05:28,360 --> 01:05:29,873 We can't let Terry crush. 1760 01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:31,275 It's not fair! 1761 01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:32,509 No. Give it to me. 1762 01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:34,358 My eyes are dry. Just give it to me. 1763 01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:36,358 Do you guys know who Chris Rock is? 1764 01:05:36,880 --> 01:05:38,472 He's my neighbor, and he helped me out 1765 01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:40,160 with a little something I like to call... 1766 01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:41,553 "my speech." 1767 01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:44,279 Stop. You're wasting it. You're wasting the poison. 1768 01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:45,429 Mike, this is baby safe. 1769 01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:46,880 They removed the active ingredient, 1770 01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:48,478 Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago! 1771 01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:49,754 It worked on Wedding Crashers! 1772 01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:51,393 That was not real life! 1773 01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:54,074 Now let's talk about destination weddings! 1774 01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:56,193 It's like a vacation... 1775 01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:58,111 without the relaxation! 1776 01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:00,955 That's true. 1777 01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:02,280 Why aren't you on my side, Dave? 1778 01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:03,520 What? 1779 01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:04,720 I'm done with this shit, man. 1780 01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:06,040 I'm not doing our stupid speech. 1781 01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:08,430 In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. 1782 01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:09,589 There it is! 1783 01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:10,875 Really? Yeah. 1784 01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:12,069 And what are you gonna do? 1785 01:06:12,200 --> 01:06:13,599 I'm gonna draw! 1786 01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:15,272 I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, 1787 01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:16,856 and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent. 1788 01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:17,915 Boom! 1789 01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:19,160 You traitor! 1790 01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:20,440 I ain't gotta rehearse! 1791 01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:22,597 I know how to eat dinner. 1792 01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:27,280 Keith, can you turn me up a little bit? 1793 01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:29,376 You turn your back on me... 1794 01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:30,719 when everyone else does. 1795 01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:32,080 Backstabbing, treacherous... 1796 01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:33,948 lying coward! 1797 01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:35,496 Ooh, I don't think they know they're on. 1798 01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:36,919 What? Where is that coming from? 1799 01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:38,508 I don't know what I did! 1800 01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:39,959 It doesn't matter, Mike. 1801 01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:41,393 You're losing your mind. 1802 01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:43,596 You just tried to poison our cousin Terry! 1803 01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:46,160 Try a little harder. Am I right? 1804 01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:47,355 You're goddamn right I did. 1805 01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:48,799 Because I wanted her to shit 1806 01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:50,518 hot brown poop all over that stage. 1807 01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:52,759 That is unacceptable. 1808 01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:54,671 The mics are on, boys. 1809 01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,672 I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe. 1810 01:06:57,760 --> 01:06:58,909 The mics are on! 1811 01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:00,433 You're just fucking pissed off 1812 01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:02,112 because Tatiana finger diddled Terry. 1813 01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:04,072 There it is! 1814 01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:07,112 It was for tickets to Rihanna. 1815 01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,117 You're sad, man. You are sad. 1816 01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:12,114 I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids. 1817 01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:17,948 Oh! My God! 1818 01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:21,428 Do you wanna go? Don't do it! 1819 01:07:21,520 --> 01:07:22,748 These are coming your way. 1820 01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:23,875 Just stop! 1821 01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:26,672 God! That had to hurt. 1822 01:07:27,000 --> 01:07:28,274 Don't do it again. 1823 01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:29,800 Oh! 1824 01:07:32,040 --> 01:07:33,336 Why do you keep punching me? 1825 01:07:33,360 --> 01:07:34,760 Why do you keep rushing at me? 1826 01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:36,069 Get him, Dave. 1827 01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:37,309 Oops, who said that? 1828 01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:38,992 This wedding is going to hell! 1829 01:07:39,120 --> 01:07:40,269 Yes. 1830 01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:42,476 They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots. 1831 01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:45,195 And they don't realize the bride... 1832 01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,271 is getting off at massage parlors... 1833 01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:49,635 like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran. 1834 01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:52,536 I think they misunderstood what happened. 1835 01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:53,800 I think they just misunderstood. 1836 01:07:53,840 --> 01:07:55,956 I walked in and saw little Jeanie... 1837 01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:57,837 the bride-to-be, orgasming. 1838 01:07:57,920 --> 01:08:00,275 The masseuse got her off. 1839 01:08:00,360 --> 01:08:01,759 God damn it! 1840 01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:02,875 Jeanie! 1841 01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:04,320 I hate you! 1842 01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:20,197 The rehearsal dinner is over. 1843 01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:23,872 Drinks by the pool, everybody. Drinks by the pool. 1844 01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:30,080 Everything feels so good, right? 1845 01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:31,200 Yep. 1846 01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:33,176 You know what I've been thinking about a lot? 1847 01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:34,269 Tell me. 1848 01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,271 Eric is so sweet and sensitive. 1849 01:08:36,360 --> 01:08:38,396 Kind, good, fiancé. 1850 01:08:38,480 --> 01:08:40,040 Probably great husband and stuff, but... 1851 01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:42,917 Do you think Eric is boring? 1852 01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:44,035 Boring? 1853 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,269 Like for my honeymoon... 1854 01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:47,836 all I wanted to do was go on a hot air balloon... 1855 01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:49,717 to different countries around the world. 1856 01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:52,030 And just be surrounded by wicker. 1857 01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:53,633 We could have wicker picnic baskets... 1858 01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:56,188 and I could make picnic hats out of wicker. 1859 01:08:56,480 --> 01:08:58,471 We would be wearing matching Chuck Taylors. 1860 01:08:58,560 --> 01:09:00,391 And he vetoed it. Oh! 1861 01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,189 Because he wants to go to a resort, and just... 1862 01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:06,793 ...perch. What? 1863 01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:07,949 I am a young woman... 1864 01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:09,080 Preach! 1865 01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:10,376 There is so much for me to see. 1866 01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:11,400 Yes. 1867 01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:12,880 I haven't even been to Burning Man. 1868 01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:15,395 I don't even know what Amsterdam is like. 1869 01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:17,478 I haven't been to Seattle. 1870 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:18,874 You've never been to Seattle? 1871 01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:19,995 No! 1872 01:09:20,080 --> 01:09:21,376 Seattle's gonna change your fucking life! 1873 01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:22,400 Really? 1874 01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:23,800 You need to get out of this cage! 1875 01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:24,875 I am in a cage... 1876 01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:27,394 just like these horses are caged. 1877 01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:29,471 Just let them out. 1878 01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:30,720 Huh? 1879 01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:33,229 Let them all out. 1880 01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:42,319 Be free! No one can hold you down! 1881 01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:45,517 Be free, my friends! Follow your dreams! 1882 01:10:11,120 --> 01:10:12,348 Here to pile on? 1883 01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:13,760 Go ahead. 1884 01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:15,114 Any insult you can think of... 1885 01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:16,816 I've probably told myself a million times. 1886 01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:18,512 Why were you trying to poison your cousin? 1887 01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:25,919 I was jealous of the whole steam room incident. 1888 01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:27,228 That is some crazy shit. 1889 01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:28,799 That's like something I would do. 1890 01:10:29,040 --> 01:10:30,678 This one time in high school... 1891 01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:32,296 this bitch tried to hit on my boyfriend... 1892 01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:33,976 and I cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping... 1893 01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:35,433 and I wore it to school for a month. 1894 01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:36,635 What the fuck? 1895 01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:38,278 But you tried to poison your cousin. 1896 01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:54,718 Look. I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, okay? 1897 01:10:54,960 --> 01:10:58,669 I honestly think it's because you're so much like me. 1898 01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:00,836 You act all confident... 1899 01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:03,912 but, inside, you're scared of everything. 1900 01:11:04,160 --> 01:11:05,936 You act like you don't care what people think... 1901 01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:07,518 but you really care what people think. 1902 01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:08,834 And you try to act so smart... 1903 01:11:08,920 --> 01:11:10,558 but sometimes... 1904 01:11:10,640 --> 01:11:11,868 you're just afraid 1905 01:11:11,960 --> 01:11:13,837 you're the dumbest person in the world. 1906 01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:18,192 I'm so dumb. 1907 01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:20,193 I'm constantly saying words 1908 01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:22,197 that I don't know the meaning of. 1909 01:11:22,880 --> 01:11:25,189 Like, I use this word, "assuage"... 1910 01:11:25,440 --> 01:11:26,839 all the time. 1911 01:11:27,120 --> 01:11:29,031 Can you assuage me the ketchup? 1912 01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:31,077 Can I assuage you a few questions? 1913 01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:32,872 Is that the meaning of it? 1914 01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:34,069 I don't know. 1915 01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:35,633 But it's like, I'm so stupid... 1916 01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:37,950 but I act all confident, so people listen to me. 1917 01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:39,109 And it's fucked up. 1918 01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:41,197 Me, too. I'm a natural born leader. 1919 01:11:41,480 --> 01:11:43,198 Like George Washington. 1920 01:11:43,280 --> 01:11:44,395 Yeah. 1921 01:11:44,480 --> 01:11:45,708 Or another leader. 1922 01:11:53,280 --> 01:11:54,633 All right, here's one. 1923 01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:56,790 But I'm about to get super real with you. Okay? 1924 01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:01,909 I thought I was destined for such great things... 1925 01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:04,679 but I may never achieve anything. 1926 01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:09,434 Sister. 1927 01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:12,751 Have you been reading my diary? 1928 01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:22,835 Yes. 1929 01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:24,915 Okay. 1930 01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:38,674 You are beautiful! 1931 01:12:38,760 --> 01:12:40,113 On to Seattle! 1932 01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:41,395 Alice? 1933 01:12:42,440 --> 01:12:43,440 Am I glowing? 1934 01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:45,352 I can see sounds and hear colors. 1935 01:12:45,560 --> 01:12:47,198 Be free! 1936 01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:48,952 What the fuck are the horses doing out? 1937 01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:51,273 Who the fuck are you guys? 1938 01:12:51,560 --> 01:12:52,788 Fucking gypsies! 1939 01:12:52,960 --> 01:12:55,076 Francisco! Francisco, run! 1940 01:12:55,440 --> 01:12:57,396 Whoa! Shit! 1941 01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:01,275 Hey. 1942 01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:02,952 Dave! Hi. 1943 01:13:04,600 --> 01:13:05,874 What's up? What's up with you? 1944 01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:07,056 What's going on? Are you okay? 1945 01:13:07,080 --> 01:13:08,229 Me? 1946 01:13:08,440 --> 01:13:10,556 Yeah. I'm fine. 1947 01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:13,753 Oh. Yeah. Well... 1948 01:13:14,320 --> 01:13:16,117 Yeah. See, what happened was that... 1949 01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:17,395 there was a tsunami, 1950 01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:18,616 and it took away our clothes... 1951 01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:19,868 but it brought these horses. 1952 01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:20,960 What? 1953 01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:22,096 And then, we wanted to get naked 1954 01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:23,235 because of Lady Godiva... 1955 01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:25,117 but then horses can't eat chocolate. 1956 01:13:25,280 --> 01:13:27,236 They could have an aneurysm. 1957 01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:28,594 Where's Jeanie? 1958 01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:30,136 Hey, don't yell at her just because she's the one... 1959 01:13:30,160 --> 01:13:31,760 that told me to go to Seattle. Holy shit! 1960 01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:33,432 I've always wanted to go! Oh, my God! 1961 01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:35,317 That is not her fault. 1962 01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:36,833 Oh, my eyes! What's the matter? 1963 01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:38,656 Stop yelling. Why are you yelling? David, stop yelling. 1964 01:13:38,680 --> 01:13:40,318 You're being loud. And this a happy time. 1965 01:13:40,520 --> 01:13:41,839 This a really good time. 1966 01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:43,176 There's nothing wrong. So who's at fault? 1967 01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:44,520 Did you know that Hitler's parents 1968 01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:45,600 were second cousins? 1969 01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:47,480 Do you have any water? Put your clothes on! 1970 01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:49,670 I'm a woman, Dave. Deal with it. 1971 01:13:50,920 --> 01:13:54,629 Because this is the bush that you came out of. 1972 01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:56,153 I didn't come from that bush. 1973 01:13:56,320 --> 01:13:57,992 I came from Mom's bush. And you know that. 1974 01:13:58,200 --> 01:13:59,599 Jeanie! Oh, my God! 1975 01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:01,473 You're completely naked! 1976 01:14:01,640 --> 01:14:02,709 Hi, Becky! 1977 01:14:02,840 --> 01:14:03,989 God, your bush is huge. 1978 01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:05,832 You look tall. No, ma'am. 1979 01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:08,395 I told you to stay away from these bitches. 1980 01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:10,830 Alice, seriously, are you tripping? 1981 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:12,000 No. God, no. 1982 01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:13,075 Why would say that? 1983 01:14:13,160 --> 01:14:14,496 Just because everything feels really soft? 1984 01:14:14,520 --> 01:14:16,112 Please. Just tell me the truth. 1985 01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:17,349 Are you on drugs? 1986 01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:19,633 We're super fucked up. Yeah. 1987 01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:20,800 What? 1988 01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:21,880 We started with ecstasy, 1989 01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:23,416 but then I went into my mystery bags. 1990 01:14:23,440 --> 01:14:24,839 Why the fuck would you do that? 1991 01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:26,194 Don't you judge me, David. 1992 01:14:26,280 --> 01:14:28,096 I don't think you're supposed to go into the mystery bag... 1993 01:14:28,120 --> 01:14:29,240 the night before the wedding. 1994 01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:31,656 We brought you here because we thought you were nice girls. 1995 01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:33,511 But Mike was right about you two. 1996 01:14:33,680 --> 01:14:35,875 This whole wedding weekend is just going to shit! 1997 01:14:36,040 --> 01:14:37,871 Dave, I'll be honest with you. 1998 01:14:38,040 --> 01:14:39,189 I need some clothes. 1999 01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:41,673 I can't continue to wear this horse. 2000 01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:43,398 Oh, my God. 2001 01:14:43,880 --> 01:14:45,233 Oh, the wind feels so nice. 2002 01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:46,628 Come on, come on, come on. 2003 01:14:48,040 --> 01:14:50,315 We should go in the ocean. 2004 01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:52,470 I'm so thirsty! Dave, we should get in the ocean. 2005 01:14:52,560 --> 01:14:55,757 Please, please, please, just be quiet. 2006 01:14:55,840 --> 01:14:57,319 I love this song. 2007 01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:58,753 There's no music playing. 2008 01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:00,880 Baby, wait. 2009 01:15:01,040 --> 01:15:02,917 Don't worry. Only our butts touched. 2010 01:15:03,080 --> 01:15:05,036 Stop it. Don't freak out anymore, Pumpkin! 2011 01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:07,236 Don't freak out? Don't freak out? 2012 01:15:07,440 --> 01:15:08,759 Tell me one thing. 2013 01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:10,194 Did you enjoy it? 2014 01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,398 No. 2015 01:15:13,360 --> 01:15:14,713 That is such a "yes" no. 2016 01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:15,835 No. 2017 01:15:15,920 --> 01:15:18,354 I'm gonna ask you again. Did you enjoy it? 2018 01:15:18,440 --> 01:15:19,440 Yes! Oh. 2019 01:15:19,480 --> 01:15:20,515 Well... 2020 01:15:20,760 --> 01:15:22,352 Cat's out of the frigging bag, isn't it? 2021 01:15:22,520 --> 01:15:24,431 I went for a normal massage... 2022 01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:26,640 but Alice, she had asked for a little special treat. 2023 01:15:26,760 --> 01:15:28,816 And then it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and... 2024 01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:29,880 Who are these fucking girls 2025 01:15:29,960 --> 01:15:31,376 your brothers brought to this wedding? 2026 01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:33,960 You are clearly on drugs. 2027 01:15:34,120 --> 01:15:35,553 And we're getting married tomorrow! 2028 01:15:36,400 --> 01:15:38,231 I'm scared, Pumpkin. 2029 01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:39,594 Aren't you scared? 2030 01:15:39,800 --> 01:15:41,631 Well, yeah, now I am. 2031 01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:43,439 It's just that... 2032 01:15:44,120 --> 01:15:48,591 I'm just a little worried that you are... 2033 01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:51,120 boring. 2034 01:15:52,640 --> 01:15:53,959 What are you saying? 2035 01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:55,348 You don't want to marry me? 2036 01:16:06,240 --> 01:16:07,468 Well... 2037 01:16:07,640 --> 01:16:09,416 No, she doesn't mean that. She's just confused... 2038 01:16:09,440 --> 01:16:10,776 because she's just rolling super hard right now. 2039 01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:11,949 You rolled her! 2040 01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:13,120 You're the roller! 2041 01:16:13,160 --> 01:16:14,160 I'm so sorry. 2042 01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:16,709 I was gonna draw Rum for you. But not anymore. 2043 01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:18,876 Everything is not irie, man! 2044 01:16:21,320 --> 01:16:23,914 You've made me so, so sad. 2045 01:16:26,480 --> 01:16:27,833 But a little bit mad. 2046 01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:29,993 But mostly just sad. 2047 01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:32,000 Oh! 2048 01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,274 Dad! Don't! 2049 01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:36,833 Mike, for once in your life... 2050 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:39,992 please don't say a fucking word. 2051 01:17:04,440 --> 01:17:06,192 I hate them sometimes. 2052 01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:07,696 Fucking love them and they're dicks. 2053 01:17:07,720 --> 01:17:09,480 Sometimes I love them, sometimes I hate them. 2054 01:17:17,560 --> 01:17:18,600 Everything okay over there? 2055 01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:21,075 I can't find my other sock. It's pissing me off. 2056 01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:25,718 Did you take my sock, bro? 2057 01:17:25,880 --> 01:17:26,949 No. 2058 01:17:27,480 --> 01:17:29,835 I think you took my fucking sock, bro. 2059 01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:32,549 God damn it. 2060 01:17:32,680 --> 01:17:34,896 I can't believe Jeanie and Eric aren't getting married... 2061 01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:36,717 and it's all our fault. 2062 01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:40,358 It's slightly our fault. 2063 01:17:41,320 --> 01:17:43,231 It's totally our fault. Fuck. 2064 01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:45,755 We got selfish. We got distracted. 2065 01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:50,158 I don't think we were #DoingltForJeanie at all. 2066 01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:52,197 We weren't #DoingltForJeanie. 2067 01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:53,509 Our fucking little sister. 2068 01:17:53,600 --> 01:17:55,192 Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie. 2069 01:17:55,880 --> 01:17:57,757 She is Stanglita. 2070 01:17:57,920 --> 01:18:00,673 The one little girl we used to let into our Stang Hangs. 2071 01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:01,840 The Stangle Dangle. 2072 01:18:01,920 --> 01:18:03,433 The smallest plane in the Stangar. 2073 01:18:03,600 --> 01:18:04,749 Don't do it, dude. 2074 01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:06,280 We're supposed to be her protector. 2075 01:18:06,400 --> 01:18:07,913 Don't you cry. 2076 01:18:08,120 --> 01:18:09,256 We're supposed to look out for her. 2077 01:18:09,280 --> 01:18:10,429 Stop it. 2078 01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:12,033 We're supposed to be the two dudes 2079 01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:13,519 that have her back no matter what. 2080 01:18:13,680 --> 01:18:15,113 If you start, I'm gonna start. 2081 01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:17,555 We broke up her marriage. 2082 01:18:20,360 --> 01:18:21,952 Of course I'm fucking doing it, man. 2083 01:18:22,080 --> 01:18:23,274 We ruined Jeanie's wedding. 2084 01:18:23,440 --> 01:18:24,873 I'm doing it, too. 2085 01:18:25,440 --> 01:18:26,793 I hate it. 2086 01:18:39,480 --> 01:18:42,074 Oh, man, we fucked up this wedding. 2087 01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:43,160 Yeah. 2088 01:18:43,360 --> 01:18:45,510 We fucked it in the dick. 2089 01:18:46,840 --> 01:18:48,496 You know I don't like it when you say that. That's just... 2090 01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:51,318 I know, but we fucked it so hard. Fuck. 2091 01:18:51,400 --> 01:18:52,760 I think the reason we get ourselves 2092 01:18:52,800 --> 01:18:54,552 into so much shit is... 2093 01:18:54,640 --> 01:18:55,656 we're always telling each other 2094 01:18:55,680 --> 01:18:56,680 we're so awesome... 2095 01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:59,992 when we're definitely not being awesome. 2096 01:19:00,160 --> 01:19:01,434 That's deep. 2097 01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:03,397 Yeah, you know what? Um... 2098 01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:06,831 I wanted you to feel better... 2099 01:19:07,000 --> 01:19:09,150 and get your groove back... 2100 01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:12,471 but not all the way better to where... 2101 01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:15,911 you wouldn't need me anymore. 2102 01:19:16,080 --> 01:19:18,992 Because if you don't need me... 2103 01:19:20,520 --> 01:19:23,159 then nobody needs me, and, um... 2104 01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:25,136 Anyway, that's what I was thinking 2105 01:19:25,160 --> 01:19:27,071 when I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry. 2106 01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:29,671 Dude, we're always gonna need each other. 2107 01:19:30,360 --> 01:19:31,360 Okay. 2108 01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:32,953 Okay, here's the thing. 2109 01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:35,638 I don't wanna stop being us. 2110 01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:37,836 But I think occasionally... 2111 01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:42,272 we should think about how we make other people feel. 2112 01:19:44,560 --> 01:19:45,560 Like Jeanie? 2113 01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:46,868 Yeah, like Jeanie. 2114 01:19:47,320 --> 01:19:49,038 Oof. Or like Eric. 2115 01:19:49,480 --> 01:19:50,515 Oh, fuck. 2116 01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:52,312 This feels fucking terrible. 2117 01:19:52,480 --> 01:19:54,710 This does not feel good. 2118 01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:57,633 Like, Dave's so special and... 2119 01:19:58,360 --> 01:20:00,715 He must be so mad at me. 2120 01:20:01,160 --> 01:20:02,195 Poor Mike. 2121 01:20:02,400 --> 01:20:05,710 He's less special, but I played him so hard. 2122 01:20:05,880 --> 01:20:07,359 They must be so mad at us! 2123 01:20:07,520 --> 01:20:09,715 They must hate us. Fuck! I would hate us. 2124 01:20:09,880 --> 01:20:11,677 I would fucking hate us! 2125 01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:14,195 I hate us, man. I hate us! 2126 01:20:14,360 --> 01:20:15,475 I hate us, too! 2127 01:20:15,640 --> 01:20:17,358 But you're the best, dude. I love you. 2128 01:20:17,520 --> 01:20:19,829 Don't lump yourself in with me. 2129 01:20:20,040 --> 01:20:21,473 I'm like a little troll... 2130 01:20:21,640 --> 01:20:22,640 who lives on nothing but 2131 01:20:22,720 --> 01:20:24,392 river water and squirrel meats. 2132 01:20:24,560 --> 01:20:26,994 Your drawing? I could never do anything like that. 2133 01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:28,229 So go. You go right now. 2134 01:20:28,320 --> 01:20:29,320 What? 2135 01:20:29,400 --> 01:20:30,469 Go! 2136 01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:33,916 Don't let your loser older brother hold you back. 2137 01:20:37,400 --> 01:20:38,753 You are not a loser. 2138 01:20:39,600 --> 01:20:41,079 Thanks, Dave. 2139 01:20:41,240 --> 01:20:42,896 Dude, you introduced me to the Ninja Turtles. 2140 01:20:42,920 --> 01:20:44,751 Taught me Donatello was a pussy. 2141 01:20:44,920 --> 01:20:46,751 That Raphael was actually dope... 2142 01:20:46,920 --> 01:20:48,911 because he didn't give a fuck what people thought. 2143 01:20:49,080 --> 01:20:50,354 He's cool, but rude. 2144 01:20:50,520 --> 01:20:51,748 Exactly. 2145 01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:52,896 When all those kids kicked at me 2146 01:20:52,920 --> 01:20:54,016 and they called me "Moist"... 2147 01:20:54,040 --> 01:20:55,439 you stopped eating muffins 2148 01:20:55,560 --> 01:20:56,913 at the school lunch for a year. 2149 01:20:57,120 --> 01:20:58,758 They were too moist. 2150 01:20:59,880 --> 01:21:01,757 Made you an easy target. 2151 01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:05,430 You're my brother. And I love you. 2152 01:21:05,600 --> 01:21:07,192 Heroes in a half shell. 2153 01:21:07,360 --> 01:21:08,429 Turtle power. 2154 01:21:13,520 --> 01:21:15,750 We're not going anywhere... 2155 01:21:15,920 --> 01:21:19,595 until our little sister, Jeanie Beanie Weanie... 2156 01:21:19,760 --> 01:21:21,478 is getting married. 2157 01:21:27,120 --> 01:21:28,394 You just killed the TV. 2158 01:21:28,920 --> 01:21:30,638 I was aiming for it. 2159 01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:35,918 We are such idiots. We are so stupid. 2160 01:21:36,120 --> 01:21:37,599 We ruined your whole wedding... 2161 01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:39,478 and we finally just realized that. 2162 01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:41,596 All right. Please just stop talking, okay? 2163 01:21:41,760 --> 01:21:44,957 Not another word. My head hurts so bad. 2164 01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:46,314 Jeanie, Eric. 2165 01:21:46,480 --> 01:21:47,720 We can't let you not get married 2166 01:21:47,840 --> 01:21:49,280 just because we fucked everything up. 2167 01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:50,536 We love you so much, Jeanie. 2168 01:21:50,560 --> 01:21:51,560 We love you, Eric. 2169 01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:52,736 We just want you guys to love each other. 2170 01:21:52,760 --> 01:21:54,000 Just love each other. That's it. 2171 01:21:55,840 --> 01:21:57,068 Jeanie, Eric. 2172 01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:58,753 We can't let you not get married. 2173 01:21:58,920 --> 01:22:00,656 Yeah. Just because we fucked everything up? 2174 01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:02,256 I mean, we want you guys to love each other. 2175 01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:03,280 Love each other. 2176 01:22:04,480 --> 01:22:05,913 Okay. This is bizarre, 2177 01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:07,319 because we literally did that... 2178 01:22:07,520 --> 01:22:08,839 ...exact same thing. 2179 01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:10,672 We're even doing this hand motion. 2180 01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:11,989 Yeah, all that was ours. 2181 01:22:12,160 --> 01:22:14,151 The point is, this shit is all our fault. 2182 01:22:14,360 --> 01:22:15,998 No, it's our fault. 2183 01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:17,838 No, it's definitely our fault. 2184 01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:19,115 It is our fault for sure. 2185 01:22:19,280 --> 01:22:20,280 No, no, no. For real. 2186 01:22:20,440 --> 01:22:21,839 If anything, it's my fault. 2187 01:22:23,600 --> 01:22:25,192 Shh! Please stop. 2188 01:22:27,480 --> 01:22:31,553 Everyone shut the fuck up! 2189 01:22:32,240 --> 01:22:34,549 Jesus Hussein Christ. 2190 01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:36,716 God damn it! 2191 01:22:36,840 --> 01:22:39,070 Been trying to read this same paragraph... 2192 01:22:39,320 --> 01:22:40,639 for 20 minutes. 2193 01:22:40,720 --> 01:22:45,191 But you four fucking morons keep on fucking with my shit. 2194 01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:47,558 We've only been here for three minutes... 2195 01:22:47,640 --> 01:22:48,800 so those other 17 minutes... 2196 01:22:48,880 --> 01:22:50,074 that's kind of on you... Mike! 2197 01:22:50,160 --> 01:22:51,434 I'm using hyperbole. 2198 01:22:51,520 --> 01:22:52,640 I don't know what that means, 2199 01:22:52,720 --> 01:22:54,358 and I think you know that I don't. 2200 01:22:54,480 --> 01:22:56,471 Mike, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. 2201 01:22:56,560 --> 01:22:57,560 Go Eric. 2202 01:22:57,600 --> 01:22:58,635 Shut up too! 2203 01:22:58,720 --> 01:22:59,994 I mean, God damn it! 2204 01:23:00,200 --> 01:23:03,317 You're all self-absorbed, barely-functioning... 2205 01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:05,108 codependent weirdos! 2206 01:23:06,280 --> 01:23:07,554 Yeah. I know. 2207 01:23:07,680 --> 01:23:08,696 That's pretty spot-on. 2208 01:23:08,720 --> 01:23:09,936 We just figured that out. 2209 01:23:09,960 --> 01:23:12,679 Those are not good qualities. We're gonna work on it. 2210 01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:14,791 It's been a long time. It's been so many years. 2211 01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:16,438 We're both very confused. 2212 01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:18,676 No, no. You're not confused. 2213 01:23:18,760 --> 01:23:20,876 You're just coming down off MDMA. 2214 01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:22,393 Sorry. Which I gave you. 2215 01:23:22,600 --> 01:23:23,760 And Eric, you can't blame her 2216 01:23:23,800 --> 01:23:25,233 for anything she said last night. 2217 01:23:25,400 --> 01:23:28,198 I've done so much stupid shit on E. 2218 01:23:28,360 --> 01:23:30,920 I got so dehydrated that I was drinking puddle water... 2219 01:23:31,080 --> 01:23:32,400 and I had to go to the hospital... 2220 01:23:32,440 --> 01:23:35,034 'cause puddles are really dirty. 2221 01:23:35,280 --> 01:23:36,679 One time I was on peyote... 2222 01:23:36,760 --> 01:23:38,990 and I signed up for a T-Mobile plan. 2223 01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:40,832 One time I got high. 2224 01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:43,434 I read the back of a shampoo bottle for 13 hours. 2225 01:23:44,480 --> 01:23:45,629 Because it said "repeat." 2226 01:23:45,720 --> 01:23:47,278 Rinse and repeat. I get it. 2227 01:23:47,360 --> 01:23:50,397 Jeanie, I know you think that Eric can be boring... 2228 01:23:50,640 --> 01:23:53,279 Enough of this talk of boring! 2229 01:23:53,760 --> 01:23:54,875 Damn it! 2230 01:23:54,960 --> 01:23:56,518 Sixty percent of my investments 2231 01:23:56,600 --> 01:23:59,114 are in some pretty aggressive stocks. 2232 01:23:59,280 --> 01:24:02,636 I don't always look both ways when I cross the street. 2233 01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:05,792 I've been known to have a second glass of wine... 2234 01:24:05,880 --> 01:24:07,711 with my dinner, every now and then. 2235 01:24:07,800 --> 01:24:09,438 I once went to see a movie... 2236 01:24:09,520 --> 01:24:11,988 walked across the hallway, saw a second movie. 2237 01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:13,399 Didn't pay till after. 2238 01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:14,749 Is that boring? 2239 01:24:15,240 --> 01:24:16,240 Is that boring? 2240 01:24:16,320 --> 01:24:17,469 What'd you say? Yeah. 2241 01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:19,496 You're right. We were wrong. That was pretty boring. 2242 01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:20,760 Well, how about this for boring? 2243 01:24:22,640 --> 01:24:24,358 Bam! 2244 01:24:24,480 --> 01:24:26,280 Two hot air balloon tickets for our honeymoon. 2245 01:24:27,280 --> 01:24:28,560 I know you really wanted to go... 2246 01:24:28,600 --> 01:24:31,478 so I got these tickets a while ago to surprise you. 2247 01:24:31,800 --> 01:24:33,631 Surprise. 2248 01:24:33,800 --> 01:24:35,950 Aww! 2249 01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:37,639 Baby, you're so afraid of heights. 2250 01:24:38,320 --> 01:24:39,576 Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights. 2251 01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:40,749 Yeah. 2252 01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:43,276 But my biggest fear... 2253 01:24:43,360 --> 01:24:45,476 is to not be the husband that you deserve. 2254 01:24:46,840 --> 01:24:49,673 Baby, I'm sorry I fucked so much of this up... 2255 01:24:50,360 --> 01:24:51,520 but I promise that masseuse... 2256 01:24:51,600 --> 01:24:53,591 He didn't touch my lavender juice box. 2257 01:24:53,680 --> 01:24:55,511 Oh God, baby. I love you. 2258 01:24:56,040 --> 01:24:57,792 And I know I want to marry you. 2259 01:24:58,120 --> 01:25:00,998 Today, if you'll still have me. 2260 01:25:01,520 --> 01:25:03,954 Babe, of course. Are you kidding me? 2261 01:25:07,440 --> 01:25:08,440 Kiss her. 2262 01:25:08,520 --> 01:25:10,351 Baby, I'm crazy about you. 2263 01:25:22,840 --> 01:25:23,840 Aww! 2264 01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:26,033 I want to marry you right now... 2265 01:25:26,200 --> 01:25:28,156 but, baby, we already canceled all the vendors. 2266 01:25:28,680 --> 01:25:30,840 I don't think they're going to let us get married here. 2267 01:25:31,960 --> 01:25:32,995 Leave that to us. 2268 01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:36,112 Leave that to all of us. 2269 01:25:37,480 --> 01:25:38,595 Yeah! Let's go, Mike. 2270 01:25:39,200 --> 01:25:40,792 This way! Oh, fuck! 2271 01:25:41,240 --> 01:25:42,719 We'll actually just head around. 2272 01:25:42,960 --> 01:25:44,439 Girl. I'm good. 2273 01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:46,233 So what part you like, brah? 2274 01:25:46,280 --> 01:25:48,430 We need the whole pig. I can't give you a whole pig. 2275 01:25:48,520 --> 01:25:50,078 But we need to feed 100 people. 2276 01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:53,318 Could we please, please have the wedding here? 2277 01:25:53,400 --> 01:25:55,436 For the last time, we're out of venues. 2278 01:25:55,560 --> 01:25:56,856 Hold me back. Hold me back, please. 2279 01:25:56,880 --> 01:25:57,915 What? 2280 01:25:58,200 --> 01:25:59,200 Give us a place! 2281 01:25:59,280 --> 01:26:01,077 Everybody out of the way! 2282 01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:02,912 It's hot. So hot! 2283 01:26:03,000 --> 01:26:04,680 Out of the fucking way! I want my pig back! 2284 01:26:05,240 --> 01:26:07,037 What if I supplied all the liquor... 2285 01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:09,111 for every bar in this hotel... 2286 01:26:09,200 --> 01:26:11,794 at wholesale prices for the next three years? 2287 01:26:11,880 --> 01:26:13,757 Deal. Yes! Fuck yes! 2288 01:26:13,920 --> 01:26:15,194 I'll get you guys a venue. 2289 01:26:23,680 --> 01:26:24,680 Ahh! 2290 01:26:29,200 --> 01:26:30,400 Keith, get it together. 2291 01:26:30,520 --> 01:26:31,669 We need to move, move, move. 2292 01:26:31,920 --> 01:26:32,989 I'm doing my best. 2293 01:26:36,640 --> 01:26:37,755 Hell yeah! 2294 01:26:55,720 --> 01:26:56,720 And now... 2295 01:26:56,960 --> 01:26:58,279 a reading... 2296 01:26:58,960 --> 01:27:01,076 from the children's book that I got in the lobby. 2297 01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:02,992 Oh. "Aloha moon. 2298 01:27:03,440 --> 01:27:05,078 "Aloha sea. 2299 01:27:05,280 --> 01:27:06,633 "Aloha you. 2300 01:27:07,280 --> 01:27:08,315 "Aloha me." 2301 01:27:08,640 --> 01:27:10,198 I do. I do. 2302 01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:11,720 By the power vested in me... 2303 01:27:11,920 --> 01:27:15,469 by the website www.beyourowndeacon.com... 2304 01:27:16,400 --> 01:27:19,631 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 2305 01:27:19,960 --> 01:27:21,712 Those assholes kind of did it. 2306 01:27:21,840 --> 01:27:23,193 Yeah. 2307 01:27:23,520 --> 01:27:25,192 Those assholes kind of did. 2308 01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:26,554 You may kiss the bride. 2309 01:27:26,640 --> 01:27:28,153 Okay. Kiss the bride. 2310 01:27:28,240 --> 01:27:29,355 Kiss the bride. 2311 01:27:31,920 --> 01:27:32,920 Uh-huh. 2312 01:27:36,720 --> 01:27:37,720 Yay! 2313 01:27:50,160 --> 01:27:51,752 - You designed this? - Yeah. 2314 01:27:51,840 --> 01:27:54,229 Insane. We're at a wedding, it's in the shape of a heart. 2315 01:27:54,320 --> 01:27:55,833 That was a really good idea. 2316 01:27:55,920 --> 01:27:57,478 I have so many good ideas. 2317 01:27:57,720 --> 01:28:00,393 At my last job, I was on fire with ideas. 2318 01:28:00,520 --> 01:28:02,670 Huh? Actually, I need a new partner... 2319 01:28:03,040 --> 01:28:06,191 because Dave is bailing on me to draw things. 2320 01:28:06,680 --> 01:28:08,193 Would you wanna... 2321 01:28:08,400 --> 01:28:09,879 maybe come work for me? 2322 01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:11,200 Really? 2323 01:28:11,440 --> 01:28:12,873 What do you know about liquor? 2324 01:28:13,320 --> 01:28:16,153 Um, only that it's delicious and I love it. 2325 01:28:16,280 --> 01:28:18,080 And those are the two things you need to know. 2326 01:28:18,120 --> 01:28:19,519 You are hired. 2327 01:28:19,600 --> 01:28:21,397 Great. When do I start? 2328 01:28:21,600 --> 01:28:22,828 You can start right away... 2329 01:28:23,280 --> 01:28:25,714 but just know that there will be some late nights. 2330 01:28:25,840 --> 01:28:27,512 Keep it in your pants, okay? 2331 01:28:27,880 --> 01:28:29,680 If we're going to work together, let's just... 2332 01:28:29,800 --> 01:28:31,358 keep it professional. 2333 01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:32,989 Okay. 2334 01:28:33,160 --> 01:28:34,376 We'll keep it professional, then. 2335 01:28:34,400 --> 01:28:35,400 Good. 2336 01:28:35,480 --> 01:28:36,480 All right. Good. 2337 01:28:36,560 --> 01:28:37,560 Okay. Okay. 2338 01:28:37,640 --> 01:28:38,640 Okay. Yeah. 2339 01:28:38,720 --> 01:28:40,199 Are you sure? I don't know. 2340 01:28:41,600 --> 01:28:42,715 What? 2341 01:28:44,360 --> 01:28:45,839 What'd you say? What? 2342 01:28:46,360 --> 01:28:48,510 Love me tender 2343 01:28:49,200 --> 01:28:51,031 Love me sweet 2344 01:28:53,040 --> 01:28:54,393 Never let me go 2345 01:28:58,560 --> 01:29:02,599 You have made my life complete 2346 01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:07,720 I don't. 2347 01:29:10,920 --> 01:29:12,751 Love me tender 2348 01:29:13,600 --> 01:29:15,238 Love me true 2349 01:29:17,280 --> 01:29:20,113 All my dreams fulfilled 2350 01:29:24,120 --> 01:29:27,396 For my darlin' I love you 2351 01:29:27,680 --> 01:29:29,477 Tatiana said this was gonna happen. 2352 01:29:29,800 --> 01:29:30,869 You got my groove back. 2353 01:29:30,960 --> 01:29:31,960 Really? 2354 01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:34,040 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. 2355 01:29:40,840 --> 01:29:41,909 I like you. 2356 01:29:49,080 --> 01:29:50,433 Wait. There's people everywhere. 2357 01:29:50,520 --> 01:29:52,590 Let them watch. Mmm. Okay. 2358 01:29:54,920 --> 01:29:55,955 Whoa! 2359 01:29:56,480 --> 01:29:58,232 Hi, everyone. 2360 01:29:58,320 --> 01:30:00,675 Excuse us. Could we have your attention, please? 2361 01:30:02,120 --> 01:30:04,236 My husband and I... 2362 01:30:04,320 --> 01:30:08,029 want to thank four very incredible people... 2363 01:30:08,120 --> 01:30:09,872 for saving the day. 2364 01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:13,516 Mike and Dave have asked to say a few words... 2365 01:30:13,840 --> 01:30:15,558 so we would like to invite them up. 2366 01:30:15,680 --> 01:30:16,715 Come on, boys. 2367 01:30:18,480 --> 01:30:19,480 Thank you, Jeanie. 2368 01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:21,394 We never got to give our speech 2369 01:30:21,680 --> 01:30:23,159 at the rehearsal dinner. 2370 01:30:23,240 --> 01:30:25,629 Because we ruined it. With fights. 2371 01:30:26,480 --> 01:30:28,200 But we just wanted everybody here to know... 2372 01:30:28,520 --> 01:30:29,999 exactly how we feel about you. 2373 01:30:30,480 --> 01:30:31,515 Lights. 2374 01:30:34,040 --> 01:30:35,840 You gotta get bigger and bigger. 2375 01:30:36,360 --> 01:30:37,554 Did you know this was coming? 2376 01:30:48,520 --> 01:30:52,991 You are so beautiful 2377 01:30:53,480 --> 01:30:55,914 So beautiful 2378 01:30:56,240 --> 01:30:57,240 Aww. 2379 01:30:59,200 --> 01:31:00,269 To me 2380 01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:01,475 Aww. 2381 01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:04,278 Can't you see? 2382 01:31:04,360 --> 01:31:06,078 You're so beautiful 2383 01:31:06,520 --> 01:31:08,033 This is real beautiful, man. 2384 01:31:08,400 --> 01:31:12,598 You're everything I hoped for 2385 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:15,275 In a little sister! Oh! 2386 01:31:15,360 --> 01:31:19,069 You're everything I need 2387 01:31:19,200 --> 01:31:22,237 Everything that I need 2388 01:31:23,320 --> 01:31:24,719 They're kind of good. 2389 01:31:24,800 --> 01:31:26,552 You are so beautiful 2390 01:31:27,240 --> 01:31:28,468 As a couple. Right guys? 2391 01:31:29,160 --> 01:31:30,354 Oh! 2392 01:31:30,560 --> 01:31:31,595 To me 2393 01:31:33,080 --> 01:31:34,638 And to you. 2394 01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:36,633 And to you. To all of us. 2395 01:31:36,760 --> 01:31:38,239 You're beautiful, Jeanie! 2396 01:31:39,600 --> 01:31:40,749 Oh! 2397 01:31:42,400 --> 01:31:43,879 Dave, everybody. 2398 01:31:44,400 --> 01:31:45,913 He's gonna draw! 2399 01:31:46,240 --> 01:31:47,514 Love you! 2400 01:31:48,800 --> 01:31:49,915 So sweet. 2401 01:31:50,160 --> 01:31:51,856 Thought they were gonna blow it. They did not. 2402 01:31:51,880 --> 01:31:52,880 That's good. 2403 01:31:53,240 --> 01:31:55,913 This is how we do it 2404 01:31:57,880 --> 01:31:59,552 This is how we do it 2405 01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:04,750 This is how we do it 2406 01:32:05,120 --> 01:32:06,997 This is how we do it 2407 01:32:07,200 --> 01:32:08,599 It's Friday night 2408 01:32:08,680 --> 01:32:09,736 Oh, you don't throw... 2409 01:32:09,760 --> 01:32:10,988 And I feel all right 2410 01:32:11,720 --> 01:32:14,029 The party's here on the west side 2411 01:32:14,120 --> 01:32:16,554 So I reach for my forty and I turn it up 2412 01:32:16,640 --> 01:32:18,870 Designated driver got the keys to my truck 2413 01:32:18,960 --> 01:32:20,096 Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded 2414 01:32:20,120 --> 01:32:21,120 Faded 2415 01:32:21,200 --> 01:32:22,256 Honey on the streets saying 2416 01:32:22,280 --> 01:32:23,349 Monty, yo, we made it 2417 01:32:23,520 --> 01:32:25,670 I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because 2418 01:32:25,760 --> 01:32:27,591 This is how we do it 2419 01:32:27,680 --> 01:32:30,148 South Central does it like nobody does 2420 01:32:30,440 --> 01:32:31,919 This is how we do it 2421 01:32:32,000 --> 01:32:33,000 All right. 2422 01:32:33,080 --> 01:32:34,640 To all my neighbors, you got much flavor 2423 01:32:34,960 --> 01:32:37,315 This is how we do it 2424 01:32:37,520 --> 01:32:40,796 #StangleBenoit2016. 2425 01:32:41,640 --> 01:32:43,471 Hell yeah! Fo sho! 2426 01:32:44,560 --> 01:32:45,788 Oh, God! 2427 01:32:46,240 --> 01:32:47,275 Well... 2428 01:32:48,600 --> 01:32:50,192 I picked a bad pose, guys. 2429 01:32:50,680 --> 01:32:51,715 Fireworks! 2430 01:32:52,800 --> 01:32:54,392 These are for you, Jeanie! 2431 01:32:55,560 --> 01:32:57,471 Fireworks close the show! 2432 01:32:59,560 --> 01:33:01,312 Those are from China, those fireworks. 2433 01:33:16,080 --> 01:33:18,389 You idiots! You fucking... 2434 01:33:31,240 --> 01:33:32,719 This is cool. 2435 01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:34,358 I didn't know you could do it this way. 2436 01:33:34,480 --> 01:33:35,799 Oh... 2437 01:33:38,600 --> 01:33:39,635 I'm done. 2438 01:33:39,720 --> 01:33:41,392 Fuck. Holy shit. 2439 01:33:41,480 --> 01:33:42,480 Okay. 2440 01:33:42,560 --> 01:33:44,073 That was great. Good job. 2441 01:33:54,280 --> 01:33:55,280 Whoo! 2442 01:33:58,400 --> 01:34:00,118 I'm so behind right now on Game of Thrones. 2443 01:34:00,200 --> 01:34:01,520 I don't even know what's happening 2444 01:34:01,600 --> 01:34:03,636 with Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend. 2445 01:34:03,720 --> 01:34:06,553 Okay. Well he's dead, and so is Jon Snow. 2446 01:34:06,640 --> 01:34:07,755 Jon Snow? 2447 01:34:07,840 --> 01:34:09,717 Fuck that dude. I'm taller than him anyways. 2448 01:34:09,840 --> 01:34:11,319 Saw him. 2449 01:34:12,080 --> 01:34:13,718 I just found out some spelunker 2450 01:34:13,800 --> 01:34:15,472 went dunkin' in your bunker. 2451 01:34:17,080 --> 01:34:20,231 You are fresh as a fucking dick in the morning. 2452 01:34:20,320 --> 01:34:21,833 That's not that fresh. 2453 01:34:21,920 --> 01:34:24,275 Have you ever sucked a dick in the morning? 2454 01:34:24,760 --> 01:34:26,955 I brush my teeth with dick, girl. 2455 01:34:27,040 --> 01:34:28,837 All right. Okay. What? 2456 01:34:28,920 --> 01:34:30,831 Oh. Fox don't like that joke? 2457 01:34:32,960 --> 01:34:35,155 I'm gonna throw up. You look like meat! 2458 01:34:35,240 --> 01:34:36,753 Inner dialogue, inner dialogue. 2459 01:34:36,880 --> 01:34:38,393 I once got lockjaw so bad 2460 01:34:38,480 --> 01:34:40,120 that I was sucking a homeless man's thumb. 2461 01:34:40,240 --> 01:34:41,816 Dave actually had to come get me from the hospital... 2462 01:34:41,840 --> 01:34:45,628 because they found 13 Pokémon pogs and a slammer... 2463 01:34:45,720 --> 01:34:47,073 shoved up my butthole. 2464 01:34:47,280 --> 01:34:49,589 I just had to wait to poop them out. 2465 01:34:50,280 --> 01:34:51,872 Pikachu. 2466 01:34:52,440 --> 01:34:53,634 Pikachu. 2467 01:34:54,320 --> 01:34:55,514 Charmander. 2468 01:34:55,880 --> 01:34:58,758 That's okay. No, no. Keep your dick in. 2469 01:35:01,480 --> 01:35:03,789 For most of my life, I thought goat cheese... 2470 01:35:03,880 --> 01:35:06,917 was a slang term for cheese that's gone bad. 2471 01:35:07,000 --> 01:35:08,558 I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be, like, 2472 01:35:08,680 --> 01:35:10,238 "Dude, that cheese is goat." 2473 01:35:10,320 --> 01:35:12,117 Like, "Get that goat cheese off the counter." 2474 01:35:12,360 --> 01:35:14,920 You look like a deconstructed taco. 2475 01:35:15,000 --> 01:35:16,035 Like carnival food. 2476 01:35:16,160 --> 01:35:17,776 Like the waffle that the chef would just go, 2477 01:35:17,800 --> 01:35:19,119 "We're throwing that away." 2478 01:35:19,280 --> 01:35:20,952 What are we doing? 2479 01:35:43,640 --> 01:35:46,473 And the home 2480 01:35:48,040 --> 01:35:51,112 Of the 2481 01:35:53,040 --> 01:35:56,112 Brave 2482 01:35:58,640 --> 01:36:00,039 Play ball, Mike. 2483 01:36:06,000 --> 01:36:08,116 You know we saw my nigga 2484 01:36:08,240 --> 01:36:10,674 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2485 01:36:10,760 --> 01:36:13,354 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2486 01:36:13,440 --> 01:36:15,670 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2487 01:36:15,800 --> 01:36:16,800 Stang life 2488 01:36:16,880 --> 01:36:18,757 I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2489 01:36:18,840 --> 01:36:21,434 Brunch make me nut a D on the B 2490 01:36:21,520 --> 01:36:24,592 Flying fucking girls to my sister's wedding at the beach 2491 01:36:24,680 --> 01:36:28,389 Now we have first-class seats Couldn 't hold me back, G 2492 01:36:28,880 --> 01:36:30,438 Jeanie's single, then, wow 2493 01:36:30,520 --> 01:36:33,239 Sipping Cristal Sipping, sipping Cristal 2494 01:36:33,320 --> 01:36:34,389 Sipping Cristal 2495 01:36:34,480 --> 01:36:37,392 Jeanie Jeanie Beanie Weanie Getting married with Eric 2496 01:36:37,520 --> 01:36:39,351 Guaranteed he's got a big, big weenie 2497 01:36:39,520 --> 01:36:40,953 I'm proud of my little sis 2498 01:36:41,040 --> 01:36:42,792 Proud that she got a wedding ring 2499 01:36:42,880 --> 01:36:44,950 And a necklace Eric is my brother now 2500 01:36:45,040 --> 01:36:46,314 So that means I'm kinda black 2501 01:36:46,400 --> 01:36:48,197 Oh, wait, not really I'm white, man 2502 01:36:48,320 --> 01:36:50,016 I'm just happy to be related to you, honestly 2503 01:36:50,040 --> 01:36:51,268 Shout out to Eric 2504 01:36:51,360 --> 01:36:53,635 I be like Superman Let me out the cage 2505 01:36:53,720 --> 01:36:55,950 I got out of my cast and I flipped the page 2506 01:36:56,080 --> 01:36:58,640 And now I'm drawing comic books like I used to do 2507 01:36:58,720 --> 01:36:59,720 Kinda cool 2508 01:36:59,760 --> 01:37:02,149 Little sister Jeanie getting married too 2509 01:37:02,240 --> 01:37:04,515 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2510 01:37:04,600 --> 01:37:07,160 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2511 01:37:07,240 --> 01:37:09,629 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2512 01:37:09,760 --> 01:37:10,760 Stang life 2513 01:37:10,800 --> 01:37:12,472 I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2514 01:37:12,560 --> 01:37:14,630 We'll put the wedding back together 2515 01:37:14,720 --> 01:37:17,359 First we broke it up But we made it better 2516 01:37:17,920 --> 01:37:20,559 Nobody makes fun of me in any way 2517 01:37:20,640 --> 01:37:22,756 'Cause I got Mike by my side 2518 01:37:22,840 --> 01:37:24,592 Know what he said? Scoliosis 2519 01:37:24,680 --> 01:37:26,159 Now I'm fucking your bitch 2520 01:37:26,240 --> 01:37:28,834 Scoliosis Now I'm fucking two chicks 2521 01:37:28,920 --> 01:37:31,309 Scoliosis Vroom, vroom, vroom 2522 01:37:31,400 --> 01:37:33,516 Coming through the jungle at you like, "Unh!" 2523 01:37:33,600 --> 01:37:36,194 Mike and Dave Stangle on the A TV 2524 01:37:36,280 --> 01:37:38,748 - "We're gonna die!" - It's my girls and me 2525 01:37:38,840 --> 01:37:41,195 My crew and us We just cruising through 2526 01:37:41,280 --> 01:37:43,999 And fucking back-flips off jumps guaranteed 2527 01:37:44,080 --> 01:37:46,548 Ran over my sister's face It was kinda wack 2528 01:37:46,640 --> 01:37:49,473 But you know what? We came back from that 2529 01:37:49,560 --> 01:37:51,755 You're getting married now And it's okay 2530 01:37:51,840 --> 01:37:54,479 You're so Jurassic You're so fantastic 2531 01:37:54,560 --> 01:37:56,676 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2532 01:37:56,760 --> 01:37:59,228 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2533 01:37:59,320 --> 01:38:01,880 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2534 01:38:01,960 --> 01:38:03,029 Stang life 2535 01:38:03,120 --> 01:38:05,111 I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2536 01:38:05,200 --> 01:38:07,236 My boy Dave putting pen to paper 2537 01:38:08,440 --> 01:38:10,476 Trying to get this damn label off 2538 01:38:11,120 --> 01:38:12,473 Like Aftermath 2539 01:38:13,160 --> 01:38:15,196 Vanilla Ice remodeled my house 2540 01:38:15,400 --> 01:38:17,789 Told Dave and I we should start rapping 2541 01:38:17,880 --> 01:38:19,518 My brother's the best white rapper 2542 01:38:19,600 --> 01:38:20,874 Eminem!