1
00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:06,950
www.titlovi.com
2
00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:12,500
DIRTY GRANDPA
3
00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:14,850
So I said,
"If opposing counsel's
4
00:02:14,975 --> 00:02:17,275
"invoking fiduciary
liability precedent
5
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:18,900
"under the terms of
Landgraf v. Henson,
6
00:02:19,025 --> 00:02:21,475
"Your Honor, please,
by all means, go ahead,
7
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,075
"rescind the plaintiff's
de facto petition
8
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,200
"for injunctive relief."
9
00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:29,925
It was fun. It was fun.
-Yeah. Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll be right back.
10
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,000
So funny.
"Injunctive relief."
11
00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:34,125
That tickled my funny bone.
12
00:02:35,475 --> 00:02:37,475
What's up, Nick?
13
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,125
Fucking sucks dick
about Grandma?
14
00:02:41,175 --> 00:02:43,175
Yeah.
15
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:46,875
Old woman fucking murdered like that.
Nick, she had cancer.
16
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,425
We'll never know the truth. We absolutely know the truth.
-Yeah.
17
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:54,375
Grandma had cancer for 10 years.
You don't just die from cancer, Jason!
18
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,300
Calm down...
19
00:02:56,425 --> 00:02:58,750
I'll see you at the
crossroads, Grandma.
20
00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:00,875
What are you doing? Are you kidding me?
Right now?
21
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,550
Hey, get your shit together!
My dad and my fiancee
22
00:03:04,675 --> 00:03:08,550
are literally standing right next to us. Beyonce's here?
-No.
23
00:03:08,925 --> 00:03:12,475
What is that?
-What are you doing? -I'm just...
24
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,950
Are you fucking high right now?
-No, this isn't...
25
00:03:15,075 --> 00:03:17,800
You're high as a kite!
-It's an e-cigarette. It's filled with a little weed,
26
00:03:17,925 --> 00:03:21,800
but it's an e-cigarette.
Grow up, man! What are you doing?
27
00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:24,200
"Grow up"?
How adult are you?
28
00:03:24,325 --> 00:03:27,700
What, do you listen to NPR in your Volvo?
-You play racquetball competitively
29
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:29,675
against business associates?
-No. No.
30
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,950
You ever go away to a rented
house with other couples
31
00:03:32,075 --> 00:03:34,000
and then play Scattergories
over a bottle of white wine?
32
00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:36,125
Jason.
33
00:03:41,475 --> 00:03:43,825
I just blew a shot at
your grandma's memory.
34
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,875
Poor Grandpa...
35
00:04:32,575 --> 00:04:35,075
Our first reading
is from Deuteronomy 30:19.
36
00:04:37,775 --> 00:04:41,500
"This day I call
the heavens and the earth
37
00:04:41,625 --> 00:04:43,625
"as a witness against you..."
38
00:04:44,225 --> 00:04:46,225
"...that I have set before you
life and death..."
39
00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:48,075
Hey, babe, I found the tie
you're going to wear
40
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,775
to the rehearsal
brunch Sunday.
41
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,600
Do you like the coral
color or the salmon?
42
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:56,800
"...that the race is not to
the swift..." Either one.
43
00:04:56,925 --> 00:04:58,925
"...nor the battle
to the strong."
44
00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:01,975
Babe, what's wrong?
45
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,275
Coral or salmon?
46
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:07,950
Well, what do you like?
-I mean... I like the coral.
47
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,975
That's what
I was going to say, too.
48
00:05:10,775 --> 00:05:12,775
Okay, cool. Okay.
-Okay.
49
00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:15,925
Coral it is!
50
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,850
It's going to be
a special day.
51
00:05:18,975 --> 00:05:21,275
"...now choose life,
52
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,175
"so that you
and your children shall live."
53
00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:31,600
Anyway, I'm down in Valdosta right now.
I opened up a fucking pet shop...
54
00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:34,900
Not pet shop, "puppy mill."
Puppy mill...
55
00:05:35,025 --> 00:05:37,925
You know, designer dogs get a bad name,
but they can go for quite a pretty penny.
56
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:40,900
Really?
-It's just hard to get them to mate.
57
00:05:41,025 --> 00:05:43,275
Because the little dogs,
58
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,450
they don't wanna
fuck the big dogs,
59
00:05:45,575 --> 00:05:47,050
and the big dogs, they don't
wanna fuck the little dogs...
60
00:05:47,175 --> 00:05:49,775
So I gotta manually
do it, you know.
61
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,500
I gotta spread
and manually shoot in.
62
00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:55,325
So, what's up with you?
-Well, I'm keeping pretty busy...
63
00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:57,775
Cool.
Hey, Diane,
64
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,375
how's it going?
-Hi, Nick. Hey, Nick.
65
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,800
I just don't understand
why you have to drive down to Florida
66
00:06:02,925 --> 00:06:05,575
tomorrow already, Dad!
We just had the funeral.
67
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,825
Your grandmother and I were
there at this time every year.
68
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:10,225
It's what she would have wanted.
I'd drive down myself,
69
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,875
except they took
my license away.
70
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,600
But why does Jason have to be the one to drive you?
-He's so busy at work...
71
00:06:16,725 --> 00:06:19,425
Got the wedding coming up next weekend,
the rehearsal brunch.
72
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:23,425
You know, the entire law firm is coming to this. It's true, Grandpa.
-Jason...
73
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,600
We have a lot of stuff,
Meredith and I... I'll handle it.
74
00:06:26,725 --> 00:06:28,300
Go ahead.
75
00:06:28,425 --> 00:06:31,300
How about Cousin Nick?
Dad?
76
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:34,850
Why doesn't Nick do it?
-We got this chocolate Lab down at the store
77
00:06:34,975 --> 00:06:38,050
that is just so horny,
every time I touch the back of its ear,
78
00:06:38,175 --> 00:06:40,575
it just gushes cum.
79
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:44,575
Okay.
-I mean, like a squirting... Is that your dog?
80
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,600
Nick isn't legally allowed to leave
the state of Georgia anymore.
81
00:06:47,725 --> 00:06:49,750
I've barely seen this guy
since high school.
82
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:53,275
What's wrong with spending some time with him?
-So spending time with family
83
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,200
is suddenly important to you now?
-Look, he can come here
84
00:06:56,325 --> 00:06:58,950
tomorrow morning for breakfast. We can
drive down to Boca during the day,
85
00:06:59,075 --> 00:07:01,400
maybe play a round
of golf or two,
86
00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:03,325
then he'd be back here
in Atlanta the next day.
87
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:06,950
He can't just flake off for two days!
The risk versus reward here is just...
88
00:07:07,075 --> 00:07:09,375
I don't see it happening.
89
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,650
It's what she would
have wanted, that's all.
90
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,925
But if you have to get
ready for your wedding,
91
00:07:16,050 --> 00:07:18,050
if you're that busy...
92
00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:30,325
I just don't understand why he wants you
to take him. You're not even that close.
93
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,600
Well, we used to be.
Grandpa and I got along growing up.
94
00:07:33,725 --> 00:07:37,650
We used to build these
model trains every Christmas, so I brought him...
95
00:07:37,775 --> 00:07:39,725
Well, it seems like we're cutting
it a little close here, you know,
96
00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:43,425
with the rehearsal brunch on Friday...
I know. I know.
97
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,850
And by the way, I can't find any of
the Martha's Vineyard vacation photos
98
00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:49,600
for the slide show.
I'm just freaking out.
99
00:07:49,725 --> 00:07:52,175
That's because they're on my laptop,
which I've got right here.
100
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,425
So I'll send them to the wedding planner.
You don't have to worry about anything.
101
00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:55,825
Thanks.
102
00:07:55,950 --> 00:07:58,675
And your dad says take 75,
because 16 takes forever.
103
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,525
Yeah, I know. He's got
it all mapped out for me.
104
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:05,625
And can you take my car, sweetie?
-I need the SUV for the wine.
105
00:08:20,825 --> 00:08:22,825
Grandpa?
106
00:08:25,825 --> 00:08:27,825
Grandpa?
107
00:08:50,525 --> 00:08:52,525
Grandpa?
108
00:09:02,425 --> 00:09:04,425
Hey! You made it!
109
00:09:04,550 --> 00:09:06,525
Give me a minute...
110
00:09:06,650 --> 00:09:08,650
God! Shit!
111
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,550
Grab my ass!
112
00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,650
You ready to hit the road?
-I'm really sorry, Grandpa.
113
00:09:15,775 --> 00:09:18,100
I didn't think
you'd be doing that.
114
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,975
So you caught me taking a number three.
Big deal, right?
115
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,900
Number three?
-Have a drink.
116
00:09:25,025 --> 00:09:28,325
...No.
I'm driving, so...
117
00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:30,625
I just got to finish up
my exercises,
118
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:34,025
and then we'll
hop on 16 to 95.
119
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,950
Dad says we should take 75 to 95.
It's more direct.
120
00:09:39,075 --> 00:09:41,300
Dad's full of shit.
121
00:09:41,425 --> 00:09:43,425
Grandpa, are you
sure you're okay?
122
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:48,075
Thanks for doing this, by the way.
Those fuckheads down at the DMV
123
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,525
took my goddamn license away because
of these fucking cataracts in my eye.
124
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:54,200
But I can still hit the shit out
of a golf ball, that's for sure!
125
00:09:54,325 --> 00:09:57,625
I made a tee time for us in
Florida for this afternoon.
126
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,825
You can use your grandmother's lady clubs,
they're right there by the front door.
127
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:04,900
Okay.
All right, you ready?
128
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:08,275
I thought the plan was to have breakfast here?
-That's your breakfast.
129
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,075
Now let's go get in that giant labia you
drove up in and get the fuck out of here.
130
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:26,550
You sure I should be driving
with this, Grandpa?
131
00:10:26,675 --> 00:10:30,400
Don't worry, if you spill it, this giant
tampon we're driving in should soak it up.
132
00:10:37,325 --> 00:10:40,750
Just finishing
a work email
133
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:44,300
for the Steinhart
file...
134
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,800
So you're a lawyer at your
dad's firm now, is that right?
135
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:52,475
That's right, and Meredith is too.
You know, her dad is one of
136
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,875
the managing partners there, so... I know, that's...
-Yeah.
137
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:59,550
It couldn't have worked out better.
Because it's just that I remember
138
00:10:59,675 --> 00:11:02,525
when you were in high school, you told me
how much you wanted to be a photographer,
139
00:11:02,650 --> 00:11:06,500
travel the world. That sort of thing. You
remember when I got you that subscription
140
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,625
to Time magazine?
141
00:11:08,950 --> 00:11:11,600
Yeah, I used to be into
photography, but...
142
00:11:11,725 --> 00:11:14,400
I mean, with Dad being
at the firm, pfft,
143
00:11:14,525 --> 00:11:17,725
it just made so much more sense
to focus on a college curriculum
144
00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:20,600
that stressed the law school track.
I mean, I love what I do, Grandpa.
145
00:11:20,725 --> 00:11:23,925
Being a corporate lawyer is awesome,
I get to handle SEC compliance...
146
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:26,200
No shit!
Yeah. Yeah.
147
00:11:26,325 --> 00:11:29,475
You handle SEC compliance?
-LP agreements.
148
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,050
Man, I didn't know that.
LLC agreements.
149
00:11:33,175 --> 00:11:36,325
You're shitting me!
Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides.
150
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:39,725
You know what I'd rather do?
-What?
151
00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:42,600
I'd rather let Queen Latifah
shit in my mouth
152
00:11:42,725 --> 00:11:44,725
from a fucking
hot air balloon.
153
00:11:45,725 --> 00:11:47,725
That's me. I'm gonna hit the
liquor store over there,
154
00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:51,050
get some more of the creature. Meet
you back at the Dildomobile in five.
155
00:11:51,175 --> 00:11:53,250
You're paying the check,
Alan Douche-owitz.
156
00:11:56,525 --> 00:11:59,625
Where do I know that guy from?
He looks so familiar.
157
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:01,625
He looks like Abercrombie
fucked Fitch.
158
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:04,275
Yeah,
while J.Crew J'd-off.
159
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,875
Shit! No, you guys, he was...
It's so funny. He was my lab partner
160
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,725
in photography class,
freshman year.
161
00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:12,600
No shit!
He's a Florida alum?
162
00:12:12,725 --> 00:12:14,950
Lenore, you can totally
finish the trifecta.
163
00:12:15,075 --> 00:12:17,350
My God, I already
have alum, remember?
164
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:21,025
I fucked that crying divorced guy, Tony. With the big balls.
-Right. Yeah.
165
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:23,875
In the porta-potty.
-Yeah. At the tailgate. -Yeah.
166
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,500
I need a professor.
Wait, I'm sorry. What's the trifecta again?
167
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,475
It's this thing
I read about
168
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,500
where in my senior year I have to fuck
a freshman, an alumni, and a professor.
169
00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:36,625
Where did you read that?
-In my diary.
170
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,900
Where I wrote it...
-Yeah.
171
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,300
He used to take the most
beautiful portraits
172
00:12:42,425 --> 00:12:46,325
without using any filters or
Photoshop... I've read your diary.
173
00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,725
He was amazing.
My God, you did?
174
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:52,050
Yeah.
-Did you like it? -You guys aren't listening. I'm gonna go say hi to him.
175
00:12:52,175 --> 00:12:54,175
Okay?
-Slut...
176
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,875
I hope you don't get
Tommy Hilfingered.
177
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,625
That was really late,
but it still counts.
178
00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:02,650
Just like
all my periods...
179
00:13:02,775 --> 00:13:04,775
Ew.
-What?
180
00:13:07,325 --> 00:13:10,250
Hi. How are you?
181
00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:12,775
Good. Here you go,
you can keep the change.
182
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,600
No, no, no.
I'm not... You...
183
00:13:18,025 --> 00:13:20,025
Okay.
184
00:13:23,525 --> 00:13:26,800
Guys? Guys, listen to me.
What?
185
00:13:26,925 --> 00:13:30,550
Let's go.
-Bitch, what? -Shut the fuck up! Go! -My God!
186
00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:34,650
You all set?
187
00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:38,325
Yeah, I just gave my money
to the other waitress, sorry.
188
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,550
There is no
other waitress.
189
00:13:40,675 --> 00:13:43,275
I'm the only one who's
ever worked here. Ever...
190
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,025
Shit! The fucking piece
of shit car never starts!
191
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:49,925
Hey!
Hey!
192
00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:52,825
God, he's like
a Mitt Romney Terminator.
193
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,250
Excuse me!
194
00:13:56,375 --> 00:13:58,375
Sorry, my shift is actually over, so...
Sorry...
195
00:13:59,275 --> 00:14:02,775
No way.
-What? -I know you.
196
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:05,450
No.
Yeah, I do. You were in my photography class.
197
00:14:05,575 --> 00:14:07,650
You took all those
landscapes. Right?
198
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11,625
Shadia.
Yeah. Shadia.
199
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:15,725
Holy shit, you're Shadia?
-Yeah. Shadia. -Shadia.
200
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:18,250
Jamba!
What the fuck!
201
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:21,925
Shadia. It means "singer" in Arabic.
Or in ancient Arabic,
202
00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:24,725
"al-munshida
alati tunadi lel-mei."
203
00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:28,425
Or, "she whose name calls others
to water." That's actually right.
204
00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:31,950
Shadia, this is my... Dr. Richards. I
teach history at the University of Georgia.
205
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,400
You're a professor?
206
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:36,525
Yeah. Why? You looking
for some extra credit?
207
00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:40,050
Jason and I are doing
a story on the Middle East.
208
00:14:40,175 --> 00:14:42,350
He's a photographer
for Time magazine.
209
00:14:42,475 --> 00:14:45,375
You know, I lost my virginity
at my pop-pop's bingo night.
210
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:47,500
My name's Lenore.
211
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:51,275
"The rare and radiant maiden
"whom the angels named Lenore"
212
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,400
"Quoth the Raven,
'Nevermore'"
213
00:14:53,825 --> 00:14:55,825
Diplomaticos?
214
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:59,600
Hey, you know your cigars.
215
00:14:59,725 --> 00:15:02,950
What are you, half Cuban or something?
-Actually, I am, Professor.
216
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:09,550
The bottom half.
-Okay. Okay, yeah, we're heading out. -Yeah.
217
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:11,475
Good to see you. We're going
to Daytona Beach for the week.
218
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,050
My God, and we should have been
there three fucking hours ago,
219
00:15:14,175 --> 00:15:17,075
so let's go, bitches!
Holy shit.
220
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,350
What?
221
00:15:18,475 --> 00:15:21,350
Nothing.
You're just really gay.
222
00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:24,225
Am I?
Thanks, Captain Gaydar.
223
00:15:24,350 --> 00:15:26,750
Jesus! You know,
I'm also black, right?
224
00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:28,850
Yeah, I know.
That's funny too.
225
00:15:28,975 --> 00:15:30,975
So you guys wanna tag
along for a bit maybe?
226
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,925
Party some babies into us?
-Absolutely not! -Absolutely not!
227
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:37,350
Why?
-We have
228
00:15:37,475 --> 00:15:39,500
a very important tee time.
-Of course you do.
229
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:41,325
And do you also have to take a
nap before you play Mahjong?
230
00:15:41,450 --> 00:15:44,250
No, it's shuffleboard.
-Shuffleboard. And then early dinner at 4:00.
231
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,425
We have a long-standing
bet. Who's the better golfer.
232
00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:48,525
Obviously I've got
the bigger 3-wood...
233
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:51,650
Good. Maybe you can use it to hit
your balls right into my vagina.
234
00:15:51,775 --> 00:15:55,225
Holy shit!
-Okay, we're going inside now. Jesus! -Let's go. That's enough.
235
00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:57,250
Bye, Professor.
-Thanks for lunch.
236
00:15:57,375 --> 00:15:59,375
Peace!
237
00:16:00,775 --> 00:16:02,775
Nice girl.
-Yeah.
238
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:19,325
Well? How do I look?
239
00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:22,775
Like the keynote speaker at a buttfucking convention. What?
-What?
240
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,875
What?
-What? -We're gonna write in the first hole,
241
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,175
it's an easy par-4.
No, no, no, no. Hey... -Jump in.
242
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:32,150
This is against the rules, Grandpa.
Fuck the rules. Jump in. Come on.
243
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:34,550
Not to mention,
a breach in golf etiquette.
244
00:16:35,525 --> 00:16:38,725
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! Hey!
-Out of my way, buttfuckers!
245
00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:42,325
Really? What are you doing?
-We gotta get this guy to his buttfucking convention.
246
00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:45,150
What are you trying to do, man?
-What was that all about?
247
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:47,725
Hey. Now there's
a million-dollar swing!
248
00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:50,825
I'm sorry!
You can go in front of us if you want to.
249
00:16:50,950 --> 00:16:54,150
We are not very good.
No, it's a good cut,
250
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,725
you're just not bending
your knees enough.
251
00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:00,575
I'm a licensed golf pro. You mind if I show you?
-Yes, please.
252
00:17:01,325 --> 00:17:03,350
Maybe bend over
a little bit... Here.
253
00:17:03,475 --> 00:17:05,450
That feels about right,
doesn't it?
254
00:17:05,575 --> 00:17:07,575
Hands on my shaft...
The shaft.
255
00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:10,275
Let me just get
my finger in there.
256
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,050
One, two, three...
257
00:17:14,425 --> 00:17:17,000
My God! Did you see that?
Thank you!
258
00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:19,600
How long have you
been teaching golf?
259
00:17:19,725 --> 00:17:21,850
Ever since I retired
from being an astronaut.
260
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:24,175
It's nice to see some heavenly
bodies around here too.
261
00:17:24,725 --> 00:17:28,600
Hey, Grandpa, don't you think we
should probably start golfing soon...
262
00:17:28,725 --> 00:17:32,025
What the fuck?
-Wanna be a lamb and get that for me?
263
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,525
Did he just call you "Grandpa"?
-Who, Pepe?
264
00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:36,550
He's a retard.
Got it pretty bad, too.
265
00:17:36,675 --> 00:17:39,300
He thinks I'm his grandpa.
266
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,025
He usually sits at home just
drawing dolphins all day.
267
00:17:42,150 --> 00:17:45,975
We used to let him out on his own, but
the raping got so bad that we just...
268
00:17:48,425 --> 00:17:51,450
Got it.
You guys want a refill? -Sure.
269
00:17:51,575 --> 00:17:54,575
Absolutely!
BRB!
270
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:57,150
I'm sorry about
my grandpa.
271
00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:59,600
He's...
He's not doing too well.
272
00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:02,275
My grandma just passed and
the funeral was yesterday.
273
00:18:04,425 --> 00:18:06,525
I'm actually a lawyer,
not a retard.
274
00:18:07,475 --> 00:18:09,475
I handle of lot
of important issues.
275
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,450
SEC compliance,
276
00:18:12,575 --> 00:18:14,750
LLC agreements. LP agreements.
That sort of stuff.
277
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,750
Yeah, well, I think
we're gonna get going.
278
00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:23,275
Nice to meet you, Pepe.
-Nice...
279
00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:27,375
Fuck!
280
00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:31,850
What happened?
-Why are they going? What did you do?
281
00:18:31,975 --> 00:18:33,650
What? I told
them the truth.
282
00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:36,000
I told them that I'm getting
married next week,
283
00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:38,375
and you're not well
because your wife just died.
284
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:41,150
What are you, fucking vagina repellent?
-Those cougars wanted to party!
285
00:18:41,275 --> 00:18:43,900
They wanted to party?
-Yes! Do you hear yourself?
286
00:18:44,025 --> 00:18:46,500
Grandpa, are you kidding me right now?
Grandma... I'm trying to listen to myself.
287
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,775
Grandma's funeral was yesterday!
Now you wanna hit on college girls?
288
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:52,625
You're jerking off to porn?
289
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:55,750
What's wrong with you?
-Jason, I want to fuck! My God...
290
00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:59,400
For the first time in 40 years
I'm single and I want to fuck.
291
00:18:59,525 --> 00:19:02,550
I want to fuck
until my dick falls off.
292
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:06,450
I want to fuck a horse and I wanna
drink its blood! I'm gonna throw up.
293
00:19:06,575 --> 00:19:10,350
I was faithful to your grandmother
every day for 40 years,
294
00:19:10,475 --> 00:19:14,000
even through the menopause, even through
the cancer. She was the love of my life.
295
00:19:14,125 --> 00:19:18,000
I'll miss her every goddamn day.
But she told me on her deathbed,
296
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:19,925
"You get back
out there again."
297
00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:22,650
I haven't had sex
in 15 years, Jason,
298
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:26,350
and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck! So that's what this is all about?
299
00:19:26,475 --> 00:19:28,450
This whole thing. You
didn't want to be with me.
300
00:19:28,575 --> 00:19:31,125
You wanted me to drive you down to Boca
so I could be your fucking wingman?
301
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,400
Well, obviously
I made a bad decision
302
00:19:32,525 --> 00:19:35,225
because you're nothing but a cock-blocking
machine. I don't know what you are.
303
00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:36,900
You're like the Israeli
Iron Dome defense system,
304
00:19:37,025 --> 00:19:39,700
but with vaginas instead of missiles. What?
-You're like some sort of
305
00:19:39,825 --> 00:19:43,300
Cock-blocking Terminator
sent back from the future to cock-block humans.
306
00:19:43,425 --> 00:19:45,825
The robots should have sent you
instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger,
307
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:48,275
you could have cock-blocked
John Connor's parents
308
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,475
and he would never have been born!
Shut up, Grandpa!
309
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,675
Shut up!
-What got into you? -I remember you in high school,
310
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,225
you were ripping people's dicks
off on the football field,
311
00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:57,225
talking about
traveling the world!
312
00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:58,950
Now you're pushing some
papers at a fucking law firm
313
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,525
and probably peeing sitting down.
Grandpa, I don't know what you thought
314
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:03,775
this weekend was going to be about,
but I came here for one reason,
315
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,550
to get you to Boca.
That's it.
316
00:20:06,675 --> 00:20:09,550
Fine.
Now can I please play some golf?
317
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:12,925
Fucking golf.
-Okay. Cocky McBlockerson.
318
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,375
What the fuck?
319
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,800
Bam!
320
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,050
Who does your taxes?
H&R Cock-block?
321
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,900
Stop it.
322
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000
Bam!
323
00:20:37,275 --> 00:20:39,275
Are you still Jenny
from the cock-block?
324
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,750
What the fuck! What is your
obsession with my ass?
325
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,800
Your vibrator's on.
326
00:20:44,925 --> 00:20:48,825
You can't get into it anyway
because you don't know my code.
327
00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:51,825
Looks like your grandpa remembered
your birthday! What? Give me that!
328
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:53,950
We're going
to fucking Daytona.
329
00:20:54,625 --> 00:20:56,625
We're not
going to Daytona,
330
00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:59,050
because I've got
the keys to the golf cart.
331
00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:05,875
What are you doing?
-Hey.
332
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,050
How'd you do that?
-Coming or staying, Jack Dicklaus?
333
00:21:09,175 --> 00:21:11,675
Grandpa?
-Hurry up, Bubba Twatson. Grandpa, stop.
334
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,175
Gary Player-with-my-balls.
Stop the cart!
335
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,325
Fred Couples-of-big-dicks- in-your-ass.
My God. Grandpa! Stop!
336
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:19,550
Michelle
Wies-all-over-my-face.
337
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,550
Now, this is what
I'm fucking talking about.
338
00:21:42,675 --> 00:21:45,950
This is so fucked up.
Calm down, you'll get to hang out
339
00:21:46,075 --> 00:21:48,950
with that gypsy girl you like. I don't like her.
-Yes, you do.
340
00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:51,750
That's why you didn't deny
being a photographer for Time magazine.
341
00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:54,600
You can hang out with her,
I can have vaginal sex with Lenore.
342
00:21:54,725 --> 00:21:57,925
It all works out! We can even go
visit my old army buddy, Stinky.
343
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,050
Stinky?
344
00:22:01,325 --> 00:22:04,950
Which tiki bar are they in?
-Shit. Shit. Shit.
345
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:07,475
What's that?
-It's Meredith. Please, I've got to answer that.
346
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,800
Tell her to fuck off.
Grandpa!
347
00:22:09,925 --> 00:22:12,825
I'm just gonna check
the testosterone levels on your phone first.
348
00:22:12,950 --> 00:22:15,750
Grandpa, give me my phone now!
Just as I thought. Pretty low.
349
00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:18,825
This is Meredith calling... Shit!
Now, look what you did,
350
00:22:18,950 --> 00:22:21,225
you dropped it in the car's vagina. God
damn it, I have to put it on speaker.
351
00:22:21,350 --> 00:22:25,000
Don't say anything.
I will not say a word.
352
00:22:25,125 --> 00:22:27,100
Ballbags!
353
00:22:27,225 --> 00:22:31,000
Hey! Who was that?
-No one. We're in a restaurant. Sorry.
354
00:22:31,125 --> 00:22:34,225
"Who's that?"
What's up? -Okay...
355
00:22:34,350 --> 00:22:37,200
Well, I really want them
to post our wedding announcement
356
00:22:37,325 --> 00:22:40,325
on the New York Times website
before our rehearsal brunch Friday,
357
00:22:40,450 --> 00:22:42,575
so I just wanted to run
your section back to you.
358
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:44,850
Yeah, you know, now's
really not a good time...
359
00:22:44,975 --> 00:22:47,275
Jason? Can we just
do this please?
360
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,400
"Can we do this now?"
361
00:22:49,850 --> 00:22:52,025
"Jason Richard Kelly,
son of..."
362
00:22:52,150 --> 00:22:54,350
"Doctor Smegma
Von BoxMunchers."
363
00:22:54,475 --> 00:22:56,725
"David and Brooke,
364
00:22:56,850 --> 00:22:59,875
"is a junior associate
at the law firm of..."
365
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,125
"Cream pie fart and donkey punch!"
Okay, who is that?
366
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:07,200
It's no one. It's a waiter
with pretty bad Tourette's, I think...
367
00:23:08,075 --> 00:23:11,825
He just keeps walking by yelling
weird shit, I don't know why...
368
00:23:11,950 --> 00:23:15,225
Okay, well, what restaurant are you at?
I can barely even hear you now.
369
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:19,275
We're at Chuck E. Cheese's...
Daytona fucking Beach!
370
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,000
Daytona fucking Beach!
You're right, buddy!
371
00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:24,450
You're in Daytona Beach?
372
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,300
Listen, we're just driving
through Daytona Beach.
373
00:23:27,425 --> 00:23:29,425
We're en route to Grandpa's...
Jason!
374
00:23:29,550 --> 00:23:31,050
I don't know why you're there,
375
00:23:31,175 --> 00:23:33,975
but you'd better call me
from your grandfather's house
376
00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:36,175
when you get there tonight, okay?
-Of course, baby.
377
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:39,775
I love you so much...
Fuck! -Marriage is hard.
378
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:43,425
What'd the hot college girls text back?
-Grandpa, what are you texting them?
379
00:23:43,550 --> 00:23:46,900
I just texted them.
What are you texting them? "We'll meet you on the beach."
380
00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:50,400
Yeah, and I added the emoji
with the wink and the tongue out.
381
00:23:50,525 --> 00:23:53,775
I'm not kidding, Grandpa.
You realize that if I don't call her
382
00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:57,000
from your house in Boca tonight,
I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked.
383
00:23:57,125 --> 00:24:00,650
Jesus. Sounds like you're marrying
your fucking parole officer.
384
00:24:00,775 --> 00:24:02,500
It's just Meredith.
It's the way she is, man.
385
00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:04,850
She just gets,
like, anxious
386
00:24:04,975 --> 00:24:06,975
when she doesn't know
exactly where I am.
387
00:24:07,150 --> 00:24:11,100
Don't panic. It's organic. Yeah, I know.
Couples get in fights all the time.
388
00:24:11,225 --> 00:24:13,900
But it's different with Meredith.
She takes it to another level, man,
389
00:24:14,025 --> 00:24:16,850
and I'm telling you, if I don't call her
from your house in Boca, I'm screwed.
390
00:24:16,975 --> 00:24:20,850
Well, ain't nobody got time for that.
Yeah, I know. Clearly.
391
00:24:20,975 --> 00:24:23,950
Which is why I don't understand
how we got so far off schedule.
392
00:24:24,075 --> 00:24:26,500
...Sometimes
life is just a fart zone,
393
00:24:26,625 --> 00:24:28,625
and you enter
at your own risk.
394
00:24:29,075 --> 00:24:33,025
Have you been reading shit off the
shot glasses and the shirts in here
395
00:24:33,150 --> 00:24:36,350
and just saying it like it's wisdom?
-I was seriously trying to talk to you, man.
396
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:39,175
Do you realize the stakes here?
-You're ridiculous!
397
00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:43,125
Smile.
You've had a phone this entire fucking time?
398
00:24:43,250 --> 00:24:46,425
What else don't I know about you?
-How the hell do you know how to speak Arabic?
399
00:24:46,550 --> 00:24:49,075
Dad's never said anything about that.
That's because your dad
400
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,925
doesn't really know
much about me.
401
00:24:51,050 --> 00:24:54,475
I was away with the army during most of
his childhood. So we were never that close.
402
00:24:55,725 --> 00:24:57,725
Is that why
he doesn't like you?
403
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:04,050
Anybody work here?
-Okay, everybody on the fucking floor!
404
00:25:04,175 --> 00:25:06,075
This is a goddamn robbery!
405
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,200
On the fucking ground!
406
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:14,275
My God,
you should see your faces!
407
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,125
I just left to grab lunch
and a new horse mask.
408
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:19,875
I left mine at the beach
the other day. Whoo!
409
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,000
I thought you were gonna
shit your pants, little guy.
410
00:25:22,325 --> 00:25:24,325
Gun's real though.
411
00:25:24,450 --> 00:25:26,375
What the fuck, man!
412
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:28,875
Relax, this is Florida.
413
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,775
Everything's a licensed gun range.
You just shot through a wall, man!
414
00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:34,300
Hey...
-There's pedestrians outside!
415
00:25:34,425 --> 00:25:38,325
Yeah, again, it's Florida!
These people don't matter.
416
00:25:38,450 --> 00:25:42,075
What?
-So? -Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam.
417
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,850
What can I do for you gentlemen?
I'm Pam. You're Pam?
418
00:25:44,975 --> 00:25:48,200
Yeah. It's a nickname.
Real name's Pamela.
419
00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:53,150
Hey, no, guys!
Absolutely not!
420
00:25:53,275 --> 00:25:59,125
I will not ever sell you drugs
out of this establishment!
421
00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:00,475
We didn't ask you
to sell us drugs.
422
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,750
Okay, cool.
You're not cops.
423
00:26:03,875 --> 00:26:06,375
In which case,
welcome to drugs!
424
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:08,900
My God.
-Now, I'm pretty cool,
425
00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:11,125
So I only sell the stuff
that occurs naturally.
426
00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:14,900
So I got weed, I got mushrooms, I got meth. Meth?
-Yeah.
427
00:26:15,025 --> 00:26:17,150
How is that natural?
-Well, it occurs naturally
428
00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:20,250
in my cousin's basement in Baltimore,
if you know what I mean.
429
00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:22,475
I'm taking this and this
because you shot at me.
430
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,600
I'm sorry.
I almost shot you.
431
00:26:25,225 --> 00:26:27,225
What are you going to do, cry
all the way home, handsome?
432
00:26:27,350 --> 00:26:30,550
I'm also giving you zero stars on Yelp.
What a dick.
433
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:02,025
Hey.
-Hey. Hi, Professor.
434
00:27:02,150 --> 00:27:05,325
Well, there's the prettiest little
girl on the beach. Thank you.
435
00:27:05,450 --> 00:27:07,050
I was actually
talking to him.
436
00:27:07,175 --> 00:27:10,750
Yup! Immediately offensive.
I'm going back to the hotel.
437
00:27:10,875 --> 00:27:13,100
Just try not to join the cast
of Rent on the way back!
438
00:27:14,250 --> 00:27:16,750
So we got the Professor,
you got the millionaire.
439
00:27:16,875 --> 00:27:20,850
How's the rest of the Gilligan's
Island cast? We're good.
440
00:27:20,975 --> 00:27:23,150
Yeah?
-Yeah, everyone's good. Well, that's good.
441
00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:26,100
Copacetic on the island.
How are those washed-out pictures you're taking
442
00:27:26,225 --> 00:27:29,225
because you still have the lighting optimizer on?
-They're not... Where is that?
443
00:27:29,350 --> 00:27:32,375
Actually, it's really
hypersensitive
444
00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:35,825
on the new 60D model.
So you have to...
445
00:27:35,950 --> 00:27:38,975
Wait. What is that?
-Okay, nope. What are you doing? -Give it back, Malibu Ken.
446
00:27:39,100 --> 00:27:42,350
No...
-What? -You did it. You turned into one of those people.
447
00:27:42,475 --> 00:27:46,125
I turned into one of those people
that gives a shit about something?
448
00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:49,325
Are you gonna chain yourself to a polar bear?
-Only if you let me borrow...
449
00:27:49,450 --> 00:27:52,325
What is this, a beach sweater?
-Yeah.
450
00:27:52,450 --> 00:27:54,625
What, did you just come from skiing?
-Yeah, I skied in,
451
00:27:54,750 --> 00:27:56,750
just to see you
save the world.
452
00:27:57,700 --> 00:27:59,700
One Jell-O shot at a time.
453
00:27:59,825 --> 00:28:03,350
High-five!
You want me to do your back?
454
00:28:03,475 --> 00:28:06,875
Only if you promise to do
my front first. Gladly.
455
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,000
Whoops!
456
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,800
That never
usually happens.
457
00:28:11,925 --> 00:28:13,950
Really? It happens to me
all the time.
458
00:28:14,075 --> 00:28:16,000
Well, guess who just took
a shit in the water?
459
00:28:16,125 --> 00:28:20,000
We've been looking for you bitches all
day. Where the fuck have you been?
460
00:28:20,125 --> 00:28:22,925
Our car broke down in Orlando.
Do you ever look at your cell phone?
461
00:28:23,050 --> 00:28:26,175
Awesome.
Who are these cunt punches?
462
00:28:26,300 --> 00:28:29,175
These are our friends that
we met on the way down.
463
00:28:29,300 --> 00:28:31,950
Yeah.
That's Cody and Brah.
464
00:28:32,075 --> 00:28:35,500
They're on the lacrosse team at Florida.
This guy plays lacrosse?
465
00:28:35,625 --> 00:28:39,200
All-conference, brah!
Yeah? Which one, the fucking Diabetes Conference?
466
00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:43,100
All right, we're about to boat
race a bunch of those fucks
467
00:28:43,225 --> 00:28:45,825
from the University of Georgia
up in the room. So...
468
00:28:45,950 --> 00:28:48,975
My God! University of Georgia!
No way! You're a Hornet?
469
00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:51,825
Afraid so.
Well, you guys should get in there then,
470
00:28:51,950 --> 00:28:53,950
Edward Jizzumhands.
471
00:28:54,975 --> 00:28:57,350
Well, thank you. We will.
472
00:28:57,475 --> 00:29:00,075
Good, that's great.
I'll see you up there.
473
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,250
Good. Well,
you say we'll be there and on time.
474
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:05,800
Sweet. I will.
-Yeah. Yeah, let's do that.
475
00:29:05,925 --> 00:29:08,925
No, we should.
-Let's do it now. Yeah, I'll see you up there. -What...
476
00:29:09,050 --> 00:29:11,050
Come to the hotel.
By the pool.
477
00:29:11,475 --> 00:29:13,475
Georgia sucks!
478
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,875
Can we please just go?
They've got boyfriends.
479
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,875
Those meatdick fucks? They're not their
boyfriends. They're just seniors,
480
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,150
and they're all just terrified
and speed-fucking each other
481
00:29:23,275 --> 00:29:25,775
before the ship goes down.
Didn't you ever go on Spring Break?
482
00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:28,700
No, I didn't go to Spring Break,
'cause I was studying for law school.
483
00:29:28,825 --> 00:29:31,725
Besides, I can't chug alcohol
anymore like I used to, Grandpa.
484
00:29:31,850 --> 00:29:35,300
I've developed, like, a gag reflex. A gag reflex?
-Yeah.
485
00:29:35,425 --> 00:29:38,000
You're chugging a beer,
not taking down a horse cock, Jason.
486
00:29:38,125 --> 00:29:40,125
Come on.
487
00:29:48,975 --> 00:29:52,725
Go Hornets!
Go Hornets, yeah...
488
00:29:52,850 --> 00:29:56,350
Hey, you know, one in three of these girls
has herpes. Even if you can't see it.
489
00:29:56,475 --> 00:29:59,950
Jesus. Nut the fuck up. It's just
a college party, you nance. Chill!
490
00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:03,000
Hey, here they are.
491
00:30:03,125 --> 00:30:05,950
I'm gonna get some beers.
What about you, twinkle toes?
492
00:30:06,075 --> 00:30:08,925
You want some of dat drank?
Some of dat purple drank?
493
00:30:09,050 --> 00:30:12,875
Some of dat purple-ass muthafuckin'
pimp-dick drank?
494
00:30:13,425 --> 00:30:16,200
Who the fuck are you?
495
00:30:19,975 --> 00:30:23,950
It's a pretty rockin' party.
Whoo.
496
00:30:24,075 --> 00:30:27,875
Who let the dogs out?
-Am I right?
497
00:30:40,675 --> 00:30:44,350
Sir, before we start, would you prefer
if we gave you a spritzer to chug?
498
00:30:44,475 --> 00:30:46,475
Maybe a Pinot Noir?
499
00:30:50,950 --> 00:30:54,750
You're going down, old man.
Nobody chugs like me.
500
00:30:54,875 --> 00:30:57,725
I bet. You've been chugging
Brah's cum for years.
501
00:31:00,375 --> 00:31:02,375
Let's go.
502
00:31:03,625 --> 00:31:07,050
Chug!
Chug!
503
00:31:07,175 --> 00:31:10,850
Chug!
Chug!
504
00:31:13,875 --> 00:31:16,550
Go! Go! Chug!
505
00:32:14,450 --> 00:32:16,450
It's actually
kind of fun.
506
00:32:21,100 --> 00:32:25,550
Yeah, I'm not really,
you know, for sure,
507
00:32:26,050 --> 00:32:28,050
per say...
508
00:32:28,175 --> 00:32:30,175
...what we're doing
after graduation.
509
00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:34,075
I mean,
we have offers to play... -Blah, blah, blah...
510
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,175
...professional lacrosse in Europe,
but a bunch of agents
511
00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:40,750
Words, words, words...
also want us to start modeling, so...
512
00:32:40,875 --> 00:32:42,925
And again, we're talking about
this fat fuck right here?
513
00:32:44,225 --> 00:32:47,700
You guys... You have
to come see this right now.
514
00:33:04,825 --> 00:33:07,650
All right, our team won!
515
00:33:07,775 --> 00:33:11,275
Let's celebrate
by buying local drugs
516
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,900
from a reputable,
local drug dealer.
517
00:33:15,025 --> 00:33:17,175
Hey, what are
you doing here?
518
00:33:17,300 --> 00:33:19,175
I'm selling drugs, man.
519
00:33:19,300 --> 00:33:21,300
I'm trying to put my kid
through preschool.
520
00:33:21,925 --> 00:33:25,100
How honest is that!
Touching my face a lot, bro.
521
00:33:25,225 --> 00:33:28,100
Touching my face a whole lot, man.
Why don't you take some of this.
522
00:33:28,225 --> 00:33:31,275
This'll mellow you out.
What is it? -E-cig, bro.
523
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,400
"E" is for "Weed"!
524
00:33:33,725 --> 00:33:35,725
Sure, why not?
525
00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:41,475
Yeah, that's a big...
That's a big one.
526
00:33:45,925 --> 00:33:47,925
Whoo!
527
00:33:48,050 --> 00:33:51,150
Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man.
This is crack!
528
00:33:51,275 --> 00:33:55,025
What?
-Yeah! This one... Wait a minute...
529
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,050
Maybe that one's crack
and this one's weed.
530
00:34:00,175 --> 00:34:02,175
Hang on.
What'd you do now, Pam?
531
00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:04,300
Fuck. Hold on.
Which one's crack?
532
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,625
Okay. I got this.
Don't freak out.
533
00:34:09,750 --> 00:34:11,750
Sorry to worry you, man.
You're not gonna believe this.
534
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,225
They're both crack.
What?
535
00:34:15,350 --> 00:34:19,025
And you have taken an amount
that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes.
536
00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:21,300
I just smoked crack?
-Yeah.
537
00:34:21,425 --> 00:34:23,425
But just, like, a lot.
538
00:34:23,700 --> 00:34:25,700
I just smoked crack.
539
00:34:28,250 --> 00:34:30,250
I just smoked crack!
540
00:34:32,850 --> 00:34:36,125
USA!
USA!
541
00:34:36,250 --> 00:34:39,500
USA!
USA!
542
00:34:39,725 --> 00:34:41,725
Told you.
543
00:34:44,425 --> 00:34:46,425
He's fine.
He's just a little drunk.
544
00:34:47,975 --> 00:34:49,975
Whoo!
545
00:34:50,350 --> 00:34:52,350
Everybody loves crack!
546
00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:55,125
Bee loves crack.
547
00:34:55,250 --> 00:34:57,125
Bee loves some crack.
548
00:34:57,250 --> 00:34:59,475
We should probably
go help him.
549
00:35:02,875 --> 00:35:04,875
Sting? You're stung!
550
00:35:07,775 --> 00:35:09,775
Shit,
I just found my queen.
551
00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:12,125
All right.
552
00:35:12,250 --> 00:35:14,250
Okay, let's help him.
553
00:35:16,750 --> 00:35:18,925
Excuse me. Jason!
554
00:35:21,725 --> 00:35:23,725
Hey, Jason.
-Jason.
555
00:35:25,875 --> 00:35:27,875
Jason.
-Jason.
556
00:35:29,650 --> 00:35:31,650
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
557
00:35:35,875 --> 00:35:37,875
I'm gonna live forever!
558
00:35:44,225 --> 00:35:46,225
Party on!
559
00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:02,100
Shit!
560
00:36:03,875 --> 00:36:05,875
One, two, three...
561
00:36:06,700 --> 00:36:08,700
Hello?
-Where the fuck have you been?
562
00:36:09,775 --> 00:36:13,175
We got to Grandpa's a little bit
later than we thought last night,
563
00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:15,625
and my phone charger
wasn't working.
564
00:36:15,750 --> 00:36:17,975
Well, you know
we missed the deadline
565
00:36:18,100 --> 00:36:19,950
for our wedding announcement
to be in the Times.
566
00:36:20,075 --> 00:36:22,075
Where are you?
Are you close?
567
00:36:24,075 --> 00:36:28,050
Listen, Grandpa got really upset
last night. So I'm just getting
568
00:36:28,175 --> 00:36:30,175
a little bit of
a late jump here.
569
00:36:30,750 --> 00:36:34,525
I want to show you the bouquets for the
bridesmaids. So switch to FaceTime, okay?
570
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:37,250
Shit! Baby, the reception at
Grandpa's isn't very good...
571
00:36:37,375 --> 00:36:40,775
Jason, just fucking do it!
Okay, one second. Switching over.
572
00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:42,900
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
573
00:36:43,300 --> 00:36:47,250
Is that sand on your face?
-It's just sawdust
574
00:36:47,375 --> 00:36:49,225
because I was helping
Grandpa in the garage, so...
575
00:36:49,350 --> 00:36:51,350
I naturally got the dust
of the saw on the face.
576
00:36:51,975 --> 00:36:53,975
Hi, honey.
-Jason.
577
00:36:54,100 --> 00:36:57,125
Mom? Dad?
578
00:36:57,250 --> 00:36:59,150
Is that writing
on your face?
579
00:37:00,225 --> 00:37:02,900
I was working on my vows
late last night and...
580
00:37:05,175 --> 00:37:08,775
And I fell asleep and I got
some pen on my face, so...
581
00:37:08,900 --> 00:37:11,200
Yeah, that must be
the exact thing that happened.
582
00:37:11,325 --> 00:37:13,875
Yeah, Meredith called us because she
hadn't heard from you all night.
583
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,000
We got the rabbi here
to work on the vows.
584
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,850
Boker tov, Jason.
585
00:37:19,975 --> 00:37:21,900
Hey. Shalom.
586
00:37:22,025 --> 00:37:24,125
No, Jason, really...
What is on your forehead?
587
00:37:25,625 --> 00:37:28,675
It's a swastika
of penises.
588
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,100
No, that's not what it is.
589
00:37:30,225 --> 00:37:33,150
Acting as a pinwheel
of ejaculate...
590
00:37:33,275 --> 00:37:35,575
No, no, no,
it's a FaceTime effect.
591
00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:37,975
All the kids are using
them these days.
592
00:37:38,100 --> 00:37:40,100
There's a Hanukkah one. See?
593
00:37:42,125 --> 00:37:45,200
I don't like that one as much
as the swastika full of dicks.
594
00:37:45,325 --> 00:37:47,950
Okay, let's discuss
the wedding vows.
595
00:37:48,075 --> 00:37:51,725
Jason, why don't you
begin by telling us all
596
00:37:51,850 --> 00:37:54,225
what it is you like
about Meredith.
597
00:37:54,350 --> 00:37:56,750
Yeah, where do I start?
She's...
598
00:37:56,875 --> 00:37:58,775
Hello.
599
00:38:00,625 --> 00:38:04,175
Hello, buzzy bee.
What?
600
00:38:04,300 --> 00:38:06,750
If you can't think of anything,
lean into them looks, dawg.
601
00:38:06,875 --> 00:38:10,850
Can I touch buzzy bee?
-I've loved her for... No, you can't touch buzzy bee!
602
00:38:11,700 --> 00:38:14,050
I love the way that she...
603
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,275
What are you doing?
Stop it! Go away!
604
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,925
You're getting me in... Fuck, go away!
Your buzzy bee looks so fluffy!
605
00:38:21,050 --> 00:38:24,325
What did he say?
-I just don't know where to start.
606
00:38:24,450 --> 00:38:26,925
Let me touch buzzy bee!
You can't have the bee! -What?
607
00:38:27,050 --> 00:38:30,050
I want to stroke the bee!
You can't stroke the bee! Okay?
608
00:38:30,175 --> 00:38:33,300
I want to kiss buzzy bee!
You can't kiss the bee!
609
00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:37,000
I love the way that she kisses. Kid!
-Hey!
610
00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:39,825
My God...
-Hey! Fucking pervert! -No.
611
00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:42,500
I got to go right now.
I'm sorry. I love you. Bye!
612
00:38:42,625 --> 00:38:44,625
No, no, no! Jason! Jason!
613
00:38:45,300 --> 00:38:47,300
Come on. I told you
to stay with us.
614
00:38:48,325 --> 00:38:50,325
He let me stroke it.
615
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,800
Hold on! He's talking about a pee...
A bee. A little stuffed bee.
616
00:38:54,925 --> 00:38:57,200
What bee?
-There was a bee here, man!
617
00:38:57,325 --> 00:39:00,000
It was so soft.
He let me kiss it.
618
00:39:00,125 --> 00:39:02,800
No, I did not let you kiss it!
What are you talking about?
619
00:39:02,925 --> 00:39:06,475
He did not even...
-You're fucking dead! Dad, that was cool!
620
00:39:07,650 --> 00:39:09,650
Shit!
621
00:39:25,750 --> 00:39:27,975
Please, for the love of God,
may I have some pants?
622
00:39:28,125 --> 00:39:30,125
Please...
623
00:39:30,250 --> 00:39:33,700
Jesus, I'm so sorry. Of course.
624
00:39:33,825 --> 00:39:37,050
Yeah, definitely. Let
me hurry on over there.
625
00:39:37,175 --> 00:39:39,175
You like khakis
or sweatpants?
626
00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:42,400
I mean, anything's fine.
You know what? Khakis.
627
00:39:42,525 --> 00:39:44,650
Khakis? All right.
-Yes, please. Thank you.
628
00:39:44,775 --> 00:39:48,000
Also, I'm going to step out and get
some lunch. Do you want a sandwich?
629
00:39:48,125 --> 00:39:51,150
Yeah, sure. That'd be awesome.
Yeah. Ham? Turkey?
630
00:39:51,275 --> 00:39:54,625
I would love turkey.
That's so funny, because I'm a turkey man myself.
631
00:39:54,750 --> 00:39:56,750
Thank you so much.
632
00:39:57,150 --> 00:39:59,850
Turkey... Okay...
All right...
633
00:39:59,975 --> 00:40:02,600
Also, finally,
do you want to be ass raped
634
00:40:02,725 --> 00:40:04,750
by the man with the
mental age of seven
635
00:40:04,875 --> 00:40:08,775
or do you want to be stripped
naked and used as a human diaper
636
00:40:08,900 --> 00:40:10,900
by the, same man?
637
00:40:11,375 --> 00:40:14,750
Let me know what time works for you,
'cause you're in fucking jail.
638
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:16,875
Sit down.
639
00:40:25,750 --> 00:40:28,650
All right. Gary, I'm all done.
It's late.
640
00:40:28,775 --> 00:40:31,625
I gotta go open the store, buddy.
I don't know, man.
641
00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:33,750
You tried to sell peyote
to middle schoolers.
642
00:40:34,850 --> 00:40:37,250
Well, I don't know if I'm
going to be able to get you
643
00:40:37,375 --> 00:40:39,350
that human growth hormone
you asked me about.
644
00:40:39,475 --> 00:40:41,350
So that you can get
"jacked", you said?
645
00:40:41,475 --> 00:40:43,475
Remember?
You're already looking good.
646
00:40:44,525 --> 00:40:46,525
All right,
let's get you out of there.
647
00:40:46,650 --> 00:40:49,100
Why are you letting him out?
-Gary! Gary! Gary! He's the one that sold me crack!
648
00:40:49,225 --> 00:40:52,075
Hey, man!
That's how you're gonna do me right now?
649
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,025
Snitches get stitches!
-Yeah! Zip it!
650
00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:57,625
Yeah. Snitches do get stitches!
I thought we were friends...
651
00:40:57,750 --> 00:41:00,675
Don't mess with my best friend, Pam.
Yeah! I'll see you later, Gary.
652
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,650
See you, buddy. If you can get
me that money you owe me too,
653
00:41:02,775 --> 00:41:04,900
that'd be great.
-Finchy. Hey, Officer Finch.
654
00:41:05,025 --> 00:41:07,250
What's up?
-Here's the deal. -Yeah.
655
00:41:07,375 --> 00:41:09,500
I'm about to skedaddle...
-Yeah, you are.
656
00:41:09,625 --> 00:41:11,775
I came in here with
some drugs in a bag.
657
00:41:11,900 --> 00:41:14,950
It would be great if I could leave
with those drugs in the bag.
658
00:41:15,075 --> 00:41:18,100
You know what?
I want what's great for you. Thank you.
659
00:41:18,225 --> 00:41:22,100
There they are.
There you go! -Look at the arm on that guy.
660
00:41:22,225 --> 00:41:24,850
I know.
He's really getting big!
661
00:41:24,975 --> 00:41:27,675
He's working on it.
-I really need that HGH. He's working on it.
662
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,975
All right, I'll talk to you guys later. Bye.
-Yeah.
663
00:41:30,100 --> 00:41:33,200
Bam! One of the
good ones. Right?
664
00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:36,100
Okay, listen.
665
00:41:36,700 --> 00:41:39,950
Guys, I'm incredibly sorry for all this
confusion, but listen to me, please,
666
00:41:40,075 --> 00:41:42,100
I have to let you know
I'm a lawyer.
667
00:41:42,225 --> 00:41:44,275
All right? I know
my rights and I know
668
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,425
that I should have
a phone call.
669
00:41:46,550 --> 00:41:49,650
Well, is this your phone right here?
-Yeah, that's my phone.
670
00:41:49,775 --> 00:41:52,600
That's your phone right there.
Just gonna take a little picture.
671
00:41:52,725 --> 00:41:55,475
Snatch-chat.
Please don't do that with my phone.
672
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,600
Hope you got
a wide angle lens on that.
673
00:42:01,300 --> 00:42:03,300
Kidding.
674
00:42:04,775 --> 00:42:07,325
Somebody just posted his bail.
Get that pervert some pants.
675
00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:09,500
All right.
676
00:42:09,625 --> 00:42:11,675
These were
a couple pair of pants
677
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:16,750
from murder victims
from a 1990s orgy gone bad.
678
00:42:16,875 --> 00:42:18,925
We got semen-stained
or blood-stained.
679
00:42:19,725 --> 00:42:21,725
Take your pick.
What's it gonna be?
680
00:42:23,225 --> 00:42:25,225
Blood.
-Semen it is.
681
00:42:27,950 --> 00:42:29,950
Hey, there he is.
-No.
682
00:42:30,900 --> 00:42:33,100
Don't even
fucking talk to me.
683
00:42:33,225 --> 00:42:37,050
I know things got a little chaotic,
but I'm so close with Lenore...
684
00:42:37,175 --> 00:42:38,975
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
685
00:42:39,100 --> 00:42:41,250
I'm about to get fucking
married, Grandpa!
686
00:42:41,375 --> 00:42:43,475
In one week!
To a Jewish girl!
687
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,900
And I just woke up
in fucking jail
688
00:42:46,025 --> 00:42:48,350
with a bunch of penises
on my forehead
689
00:42:48,475 --> 00:42:50,475
in the shape
of a swastika!
690
00:42:51,250 --> 00:42:53,250
Could call it
a swasticock.
691
00:42:54,625 --> 00:42:56,625
What?
-It's a play on words.
692
00:42:56,750 --> 00:42:58,750
It's a play on words.
693
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,200
A play on words.
694
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,675
Play on these words.
I'm dropping you off
695
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,575
at your old army vet buddy's house,
he's gonna drive you to fucking Boca.
696
00:43:09,700 --> 00:43:11,700
Because I'm fucking
done with you.
697
00:43:14,350 --> 00:43:16,350
What the fuck
are you looking at?
698
00:43:16,475 --> 00:43:18,475
I can't help
staring at your tits.
699
00:43:18,625 --> 00:43:20,625
Pow!
700
00:43:20,750 --> 00:43:22,750
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
701
00:43:27,375 --> 00:43:30,175
You know, Stinky
had more confirmed kills
702
00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:33,100
than anyone in our platoon
back in 'Nam? 118.
703
00:43:33,225 --> 00:43:35,225
Shut the fuck up.
704
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,450
What is this place?
-I don't know. Or care.
705
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:42,575
At least just come in with me.
Let's make sure it's the right house.
706
00:43:42,700 --> 00:43:44,700
After you.
707
00:43:45,350 --> 00:43:47,350
Grandson of the year.
708
00:43:48,050 --> 00:43:50,050
Your grandmother's
ashes are in there.
709
00:43:52,500 --> 00:43:54,500
She's in a coffin.
Fuck you!
710
00:43:56,900 --> 00:43:58,900
Well,
better late than never.
711
00:43:59,900 --> 00:44:02,575
Yeah! Fuck them up, ALF!
712
00:44:02,700 --> 00:44:04,575
Motherfucker!
713
00:44:04,700 --> 00:44:06,700
Stinky?
714
00:44:06,975 --> 00:44:08,975
What the fuck are you
doing here, Dick?
715
00:44:09,875 --> 00:44:11,875
This?
716
00:44:12,975 --> 00:44:14,975
This is liver failure.
717
00:44:17,225 --> 00:44:20,875
Who's the lesbian?
-That's my grandson, Jason.
718
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,750
Yeah?
-Is he here to scissor with me?
719
00:44:24,875 --> 00:44:26,800
Okay, that's just
offensive to lesbians.
720
00:44:26,925 --> 00:44:29,350
I am very sorry,
k. d. Lang.
721
00:44:30,475 --> 00:44:34,450
Time for Bingo!
Come on. Stinky, we got to get you the fuck out of here.
722
00:44:34,575 --> 00:44:35,750
Come on, let's go.
723
00:44:35,875 --> 00:44:39,250
I have one
fucking month left, Dick!
724
00:44:39,375 --> 00:44:42,500
I don't want you to
remember me like this, man.
725
00:44:42,625 --> 00:44:45,750
I want you to remember me as a warrior.
Please. Leave me be.
726
00:44:45,875 --> 00:44:49,050
But, Stinky...
No, no, no... Just let me finish, Dick.
727
00:44:49,925 --> 00:44:53,475
Leave me your
beautiful lesbian grandson
728
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,600
so he can
blowjob me to death.
729
00:44:58,675 --> 00:45:00,675
It's all over
for me, Dick.
730
00:45:01,725 --> 00:45:05,875
You know, all I wanna
do is play Bingo.
731
00:45:06,675 --> 00:45:08,675
Go.
732
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,600
All ready?
733
00:45:14,525 --> 00:45:16,825
Bingo!
734
00:45:23,425 --> 00:45:25,425
I'm sorry about
your friend, Grandpa.
735
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,600
So it comes
to this.
736
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,975
Even before you die,
you just stop living,
737
00:45:33,100 --> 00:45:36,175
and it's all one fucked-up
facsimile of the real thing.
738
00:45:42,100 --> 00:45:44,100
We have to go back.
739
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,600
Yeah. I know.
740
00:45:47,250 --> 00:45:49,250
I'll drive us home.
741
00:45:49,375 --> 00:45:51,375
Not Atlanta.
Daytona.
742
00:45:51,750 --> 00:45:55,500
What?
-I have to fuck that girl, Jason.
743
00:45:55,625 --> 00:45:58,725
Jesus, Grandpa!
I do. I have to fuck her!
744
00:45:58,975 --> 00:46:00,975
Grandpa, you're
just depressed.
745
00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:03,700
You're confused right now
because of Grandma.
746
00:46:03,825 --> 00:46:07,325
Grandma wanted me to do this. What?
-Yeah. She said when she died,
747
00:46:07,450 --> 00:46:10,200
She wanted me to move on and live
my life the way I wanted to,
748
00:46:10,325 --> 00:46:12,200
and right now, you know
what I want to do?
749
00:46:12,325 --> 00:46:14,800
I want to get my dick sucked
by that fucking college girl!
750
00:46:14,925 --> 00:46:17,900
What is that going to do for you?
-Is that going to make you feel young again?
751
00:46:18,025 --> 00:46:21,200
Yeah! Yeah, what's wrong with that?
-Yeah?
752
00:46:21,325 --> 00:46:24,900
Feeling young again? What do I have?
-A dead wife, dying friends.
753
00:46:25,025 --> 00:46:27,275
A few fucking good
years left if I'm lucky.
754
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,675
And you know what?
It fucking freaks me out!
755
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,800
Yeah.
756
00:46:34,475 --> 00:46:37,700
Look, I don't expect you to understand.
You're young.
757
00:46:37,825 --> 00:46:41,300
You have a long, long time before
you have to look into that abyss.
758
00:46:41,425 --> 00:46:43,700
But the way I see it,
having sex with that girl
759
00:46:43,825 --> 00:46:47,600
is my last stand.
And I can't do it without you.
760
00:46:47,725 --> 00:46:50,475
So I'm asking you.
Please, Jason,
761
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:52,600
just stay one more day
so I can do this.
762
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,600
Please.
763
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,975
Okay, Daytona Beach!
Who's ready for a Flex Off!
764
00:47:05,100 --> 00:47:08,475
I'm talking about dudes
getting on stage,
765
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:12,575
getting ripped!
Yeah!
766
00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:14,700
Yes, I'll be home tomorrow.
I promise.
767
00:47:14,825 --> 00:47:18,375
And I know... Yes,
I know the dinner is important to the firm...
768
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:21,475
Hold on, I'm getting another call.
It might be Meredith. Okay? Bye.
769
00:47:22,250 --> 00:47:24,250
Hello?
-Hey, it's me.
770
00:47:24,375 --> 00:47:27,775
Someone just stuck their
thumb up my ass. What?
771
00:47:27,900 --> 00:47:30,275
Yeah, I was just standing right there,
talking on the phone,
772
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:33,625
and someone came right up behind me
and stuck their thumb up my ass.
773
00:47:33,750 --> 00:47:36,900
Did you see who it was...
-Jamba! Fuck! Stop doing that!
774
00:47:37,025 --> 00:47:39,775
How'd it go on the home front?
-How do you think?
775
00:47:39,900 --> 00:47:43,850
Come on. Let's go.
Come on.
776
00:47:44,650 --> 00:47:47,700
Top Gun in the house!
777
00:47:47,825 --> 00:47:50,800
We got Maverick!
We got Fat Goose!
778
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:55,025
Do we have a challenger?
Right here! Right here!
779
00:47:55,150 --> 00:47:57,700
These two! She wants to!
These two.
780
00:47:57,825 --> 00:48:00,375
Pick her!
Who will accept this challenge?
781
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:03,625
You go up there, I'll let you do
whatever you want to me tonight.
782
00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:07,550
All right, I'm doing it.
-All right! What? -Whoo!
783
00:48:07,700 --> 00:48:09,700
No, no, no!
-Are you kidding me?
784
00:48:09,825 --> 00:48:12,350
I saw your body last night,
it's a lot better than Cody's.
785
00:48:12,475 --> 00:48:15,700
And my body sure as shit looks better
than that fucking Shamu's up there.
786
00:48:15,825 --> 00:48:19,600
There's 1.000 people out here!
A lost old man has wandered on stage.
787
00:48:19,725 --> 00:48:22,600
Are you his nurse?
No. Fuck no.
788
00:48:22,725 --> 00:48:25,700
Get on stage! Get on stage!
789
00:48:25,825 --> 00:48:28,375
Get on stage! Get on stage!
790
00:48:28,500 --> 00:48:31,050
Get on stage! Get on stage!
791
00:48:31,175 --> 00:48:32,975
Do it for me!
792
00:48:33,100 --> 00:48:36,100
Get on stage! Get on stage!
793
00:48:37,700 --> 00:48:39,975
So we have team Top Gun
794
00:48:40,100 --> 00:48:42,850
versus creepy old guy
and his lesbian daughter.
795
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:49,600
Okay, Daytona Beach,
are you ready to Flex Off?
796
00:48:49,725 --> 00:48:51,600
Three! Two! One!
797
00:48:51,725 --> 00:48:53,725
Flex!
798
00:48:55,325 --> 00:48:57,325
Having trouble getting that
coat off, Fat Goose?
799
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:01,700
Look at this guy!
800
00:49:01,825 --> 00:49:04,325
He's like
Mother Teresa's vagina!
801
00:49:04,450 --> 00:49:06,450
Old and tight!
802
00:49:07,425 --> 00:49:09,800
Hey, look,
it's Cirque du So Gay!
803
00:49:11,725 --> 00:49:13,725
What now?
804
00:49:15,050 --> 00:49:18,975
Has the old man fallen?
Or is it...
805
00:49:19,100 --> 00:49:21,100
One-armed
motherfucking push-ups!
806
00:49:21,225 --> 00:49:23,400
Holy shit!
807
00:49:23,525 --> 00:49:25,500
Lesbian daughter's
getting in on the action!
808
00:49:25,625 --> 00:49:28,500
I happen to know
he smoked crack last night!
809
00:49:28,625 --> 00:49:31,725
These push-ups are fuelled
by the devil's candy!
810
00:49:31,850 --> 00:49:33,850
Unbelievable!
811
00:49:35,525 --> 00:49:37,525
Your move,
Dolly Parton.
812
00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:40,125
What are you gonna
do now, team Top Gun?
813
00:49:41,625 --> 00:49:43,625
And, hey, everybody,
don't forget to stop
814
00:49:43,750 --> 00:49:45,800
by Tam Pam Surf Slam in town
815
00:49:45,925 --> 00:49:49,825
where I'm selling "beach towels"
for 50 bucks an ounce.
816
00:49:49,950 --> 00:49:53,800
"Sun screen"
for 10 bucks a dime bag.
817
00:49:53,925 --> 00:49:56,850
And I'm also selling meth!
818
00:49:58,450 --> 00:50:00,450
Just got married!
819
00:50:00,625 --> 00:50:02,625
Your move,
Viagra Falls.
820
00:50:02,750 --> 00:50:04,900
Crowd going wild
for team Top Gun!
821
00:50:06,750 --> 00:50:09,225
Grandpa, I got this.
Watch!
822
00:50:09,350 --> 00:50:12,125
Most muscular, on three.
One, two, three.
823
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,500
I think this guy just sharted!
No, I didn't!
824
00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:22,800
Yes!
Call a lifeguard, I think there's been a shart attack!
825
00:50:33,550 --> 00:50:35,550
I'm not even
holding the mic right now.
826
00:50:38,475 --> 00:50:40,475
You suck!
827
00:50:40,625 --> 00:50:42,775
I have an idea.
828
00:50:42,900 --> 00:50:46,825
Do you remember that thing we used to do when I was a kid?
-Yeah.
829
00:50:47,900 --> 00:50:49,900
One, two, three...
830
00:50:50,025 --> 00:50:52,650
Hold on, what's this?
831
00:50:52,775 --> 00:50:56,575
What is going on?
My God, what am I seeing?
832
00:50:58,775 --> 00:51:01,350
Am I on drugs? Of course I am!
833
00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:03,725
This is too incredible!
834
00:51:03,850 --> 00:51:06,550
Flex Off history
is being made!
835
00:51:06,850 --> 00:51:08,850
What's up now, Brah?
836
00:51:08,975 --> 00:51:12,750
Yeah, what's up now, Brah?
-Yeah, what's up now, Brah?
837
00:51:12,875 --> 00:51:15,525
'Sup now, Brah?
'Sup now, Brah?
838
00:51:15,650 --> 00:51:17,650
'Sup now, Brah?
839
00:51:18,325 --> 00:51:20,850
This is incredible!
Take out your cameras!
840
00:51:20,975 --> 00:51:23,550
Put this online!
This shit is going viral!
841
00:51:24,050 --> 00:51:26,400
Shit. Let me down.
842
00:51:26,525 --> 00:51:28,525
Did everybody
get a picture of that?
843
00:51:28,875 --> 00:51:32,350
What the fuck are you doing?
-I can't do this... -What?
844
00:51:32,475 --> 00:51:35,700
God...
-The winners Of the Alpha Delta Flex Off...
845
00:51:35,825 --> 00:51:38,675
Wait a minute! Where are you going? Guys?
-Where are you going?
846
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,450
Jason!
You can't just leave me here like this.
847
00:51:41,575 --> 00:51:43,600
Why'd you stop? We were winning!
Because I'm a lawyer!
848
00:51:43,725 --> 00:51:46,025
I can't have people taking
pictures of me doing stuff like this.
849
00:51:46,150 --> 00:51:48,975
Can you imagine if the firm
saw something like that?
850
00:51:49,100 --> 00:51:53,000
By default, the winner of the Flex
Off is... Bring the cup home, baby!
851
00:51:53,125 --> 00:51:55,125
...these two dildos.
852
00:51:57,025 --> 00:51:59,025
Every single day,
my career's in jeopardy...
853
00:51:59,725 --> 00:52:01,725
What are you doing?
-I'm taking the regulator off
854
00:52:01,850 --> 00:52:03,850
The pneumatic
propulsion system.
855
00:52:04,300 --> 00:52:06,300
Give me a beer.
856
00:52:06,425 --> 00:52:09,875
Grandpa, what did you really do for the army?
-I told you, I was a mechanic.
857
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,950
Bullshit.
858
00:52:12,075 --> 00:52:15,025
You speak Arabic.
You hotwired a golf cart.
859
00:52:15,550 --> 00:52:17,600
Tell me the truth.
860
00:52:17,725 --> 00:52:21,325
All right, I was Special Forces!
I trained insurgents
861
00:52:21,450 --> 00:52:25,100
behind enemy lines from Vietnam to Iraq.
Now give me the fucking beer can! Come on!
862
00:52:25,350 --> 00:52:27,350
Look at this dummy!
863
00:52:27,475 --> 00:52:29,475
What an idiot!
864
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,400
Whoo!
865
00:52:35,525 --> 00:52:38,450
Yeah! Do it again!
866
00:52:38,575 --> 00:52:40,750
We can change in Cody's room.
I picked his pocket earlier.
867
00:52:40,875 --> 00:52:42,800
Nothing
to see here, guys.
868
00:52:42,925 --> 00:52:44,925
Cops are gonna
come pretty quick.
869
00:52:46,550 --> 00:52:49,025
No, no, this is his father,
so that's what I'm saying.
870
00:52:49,150 --> 00:52:50,550
Keep him heavily sedated,
871
00:52:50,675 --> 00:52:53,450
but don't be afraid to pull
the plug if you have to.
872
00:52:53,575 --> 00:52:55,575
Thank you, Doctor.
873
00:52:56,525 --> 00:52:59,675
Okay. They're in the
hospital till tomorrow!
874
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:01,800
The room's ours
for the night.
875
00:53:02,750 --> 00:53:04,800
Look at these
fucking people.
876
00:53:04,925 --> 00:53:07,125
How was brunch at
Hitler's house that day?
877
00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:09,800
Hey, Grandpa, who else
in our family knows
878
00:53:09,925 --> 00:53:12,475
that you were, Special
Forces or whatever?
879
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:16,000
No one, once your grandmother passed.
Your father stopped talking to me
880
00:53:16,125 --> 00:53:17,800
before my missions
were declassified.
881
00:53:17,925 --> 00:53:20,675
So he always thought
I was just an army mechanic.
882
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,700
But don't you think
that you guys would get along a little better
883
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:25,725
if you told him?
884
00:53:29,075 --> 00:53:31,075
Hey, come on. Let's see
how you look. Come on out.
885
00:53:35,825 --> 00:53:39,750
First of all,
nobody wears a fucking white belt.
886
00:53:39,875 --> 00:53:42,975
The only people who wear white
belts are people who suck at karate
887
00:53:43,100 --> 00:53:46,575
and people who suck at life.
Take the fucking belt off.
888
00:53:46,700 --> 00:53:48,875
And you better lose that
fucking white polo shirt
889
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:50,750
and those pleated
khaki pants.
890
00:53:50,875 --> 00:53:52,575
You're meeting up with girls,
not blowing an oil executive
891
00:53:52,700 --> 00:53:56,625
on a fucking golf course.
Put these on.
892
00:53:57,625 --> 00:54:01,300
Well, in case you forgot, I don't
even have underwear, from last night.
893
00:54:01,425 --> 00:54:03,425
All right, just put them on.
I'll turn around.
894
00:54:05,375 --> 00:54:08,450
Nice dick.
Jeez, Grandpa.
895
00:54:08,575 --> 00:54:10,550
That's a good dick. You
got your grandpa's dick.
896
00:54:10,675 --> 00:54:12,675
Not the girth, not the
length, but same style.
897
00:54:13,675 --> 00:54:17,450
That's good to know.
You're lucky you're not your dad.
898
00:54:17,575 --> 00:54:21,225
He's got his mom's dick.
What the fuck?
899
00:54:21,350 --> 00:54:23,350
Now put your pants on.
900
00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:41,350
Shit. It's Meredith.
Don't answer it.
901
00:54:41,475 --> 00:54:43,050
My rehearsal brunch
is this weekend.
902
00:54:43,175 --> 00:54:45,525
No calls.
For one night,
903
00:54:45,650 --> 00:54:47,575
stop worrying about your wedding.
Please.
904
00:54:47,700 --> 00:54:51,450
We have two hot, smart, beautiful college
girls at the peak of their sexual powers
905
00:54:51,575 --> 00:54:54,650
about to meet us at one of
the last great nightclubs in Florida.
906
00:54:54,775 --> 00:54:56,775
Worry about them.
907
00:54:59,375 --> 00:55:01,375
Okay.
908
00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:22,925
I don't think you're very
popular here, Grandpa.
909
00:55:23,050 --> 00:55:25,075
You're the one that's going
to have to watch out.
910
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:28,825
You might get Oreo'd.
Oreo'd?
911
00:55:28,950 --> 00:55:30,950
That's when two black guys
fuck a white guy.
912
00:55:31,075 --> 00:55:33,075
You're the cream
in the middle.
913
00:55:45,075 --> 00:55:47,075
Game on.
914
00:55:47,900 --> 00:55:50,525
Hey! Glad you guys made it.
915
00:55:50,650 --> 00:55:54,125
Let's go get fucked up. Right?
-My stepdad hates me!
916
00:55:55,500 --> 00:55:57,500
Let's go!
917
00:56:05,875 --> 00:56:07,875
Party till you're pregnant!
918
00:56:11,375 --> 00:56:13,375
My God,
I love this song!
919
00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:16,250
You're not gonna
die on me, are you?
920
00:56:16,375 --> 00:56:18,375
I don't think so.
-All right!
921
00:56:25,925 --> 00:56:27,925
Come on.
-No. No.
922
00:57:00,775 --> 00:57:02,775
You want it? Come here,
give me that hat!
923
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:06,400
My God...
924
00:57:08,525 --> 00:57:10,525
Give me that!
What is this?
925
00:57:10,650 --> 00:57:12,950
Hey! Hey, hey, hey...
926
00:57:13,075 --> 00:57:15,075
Leave my illegitimate
black son alone.
927
00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:19,800
We were just asking him to dance.
Well, he don't wanna dance.
928
00:57:19,925 --> 00:57:23,700
Well, maybe you wanna dance instead. I don't wanna dance...
-Colonel Sanders!
929
00:57:23,825 --> 00:57:25,775
It's all right.
It's all right.
930
00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:27,875
Let's not dirty
this place up.
931
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,675
It's a shrine. Sinatra
sang here. Parking lot?
932
00:57:36,725 --> 00:57:38,850
It'll be fine.
933
00:57:38,975 --> 00:57:41,200
How is this going to be fine?
Look at this crew.
934
00:57:43,075 --> 00:57:45,075
Come on.
We have a good crew too.
935
00:57:45,775 --> 00:57:47,775
We have no crew.
936
00:57:47,900 --> 00:57:49,800
We have no crew.
937
00:57:49,925 --> 00:57:51,900
Are we going to J.Crew?
938
00:57:52,025 --> 00:57:54,025
Fuck J.Crew.
939
00:57:55,350 --> 00:57:59,075
Don't do this.
I think I'm going to have to fight them all,
940
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:02,925
so you're going to have to take the first punch. What?
-Okay! He's up first.
941
00:58:03,875 --> 00:58:07,700
Whatever.
You like that shit, white boy?
942
00:58:07,825 --> 00:58:11,775
Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?
-What? You want next, bitch?
943
00:58:11,900 --> 00:58:14,100
Hey, I thought I had next.
944
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,175
Tell him you're sorry you made
fun of him for being gay.
945
00:58:34,500 --> 00:58:36,875
I'm sorry I made fun
of you for being gay!
946
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,150
Tell him you were raised
in a different era,
947
00:58:39,275 --> 00:58:41,425
but now you know
it's wrong to judge people
948
00:58:41,550 --> 00:58:45,025
based on their sexual orientation and
that if you had to be gay with someone
949
00:58:45,150 --> 00:58:48,725
for some reason,
you know, to prevent a terrorist attack or something,
950
00:58:48,850 --> 00:58:52,175
it would be with him.
What?!
951
00:58:52,300 --> 00:58:54,300
Say it.
952
00:58:54,875 --> 00:58:58,100
If I had to be gay
with somebody
953
00:58:58,225 --> 00:59:01,450
to prevent
a terrorist attack,
954
00:59:01,575 --> 00:59:03,475
it would be you!
955
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:07,375
Apology accepted.
956
00:59:07,525 --> 00:59:09,525
Okay.
957
00:59:10,425 --> 00:59:12,425
Get out of here
before I use my other arm.
958
00:59:15,925 --> 00:59:17,925
This ain't over.
959
00:59:20,425 --> 00:59:22,425
Now fuck off and take
Jodeci with you.
960
00:59:23,300 --> 00:59:25,300
Let's roll.
961
00:59:29,650 --> 00:59:32,700
It's too bad Lenore barfed
all over herself tonight.
962
00:59:32,825 --> 00:59:34,800
I definitely could have
had sex with her.
963
00:59:34,925 --> 00:59:38,675
Yup.
I probably could have still had sex
964
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:42,000
if she just threw up on her front, but
she somehow got it all over her back,
965
00:59:42,125 --> 00:59:44,125
and I would
have felt bad.
966
00:59:45,025 --> 00:59:47,025
Well, chivalry
isn't dead.
967
00:59:48,025 --> 00:59:50,675
I like the way you took
that haymaker tonight.
968
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:52,850
Sometimes you just gotta take
that punch up front, you know?
969
00:59:53,900 --> 00:59:55,900
Then things get easier
in the long run.
970
01:00:00,375 --> 01:00:03,525
"De Oppresso Liber."
It's written on your knife too.
971
01:00:03,650 --> 01:00:05,650
What does that mean?
972
01:00:05,900 --> 01:00:08,300
Hey, lights out
after 12:00, boys.
973
01:00:08,425 --> 01:00:10,725
I better not
catch you swimming
974
01:00:10,850 --> 01:00:12,850
across the lake
to the girls' camp, okay?
975
01:00:13,350 --> 01:00:15,350
Night.
-Good night.
976
01:00:20,350 --> 01:00:24,225
You know, maybe I'll find something
to do with Shadia tomorrow
977
01:00:24,350 --> 01:00:26,625
and give you and Lenore
a little more alone time.
978
01:00:31,375 --> 01:00:33,375
I kind of feel like we're
just getting in your way.
979
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:37,175
Yeah?
-I'm sure there's something...
980
01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:39,300
What the fuck?
Did you just get naked?
981
01:00:39,700 --> 01:00:41,700
It's the best
way to sleep.
982
01:00:41,825 --> 01:00:43,825
My God!
983
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,575
I picked it up in Uganda
from the Umbatdo.
984
01:00:46,700 --> 01:00:48,900
Umbat-don't let your junk
touch my leg again
985
01:00:49,025 --> 01:00:51,025
or you're sleeping
on the floor.
986
01:00:51,475 --> 01:00:53,475
Night.
987
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:55,600
Night.
988
01:01:07,325 --> 01:01:09,325
Jason...
989
01:01:10,450 --> 01:01:12,450
The fuck! My God!
990
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,800
What do these guys want to cut
all the trees down for anyway?
991
01:01:20,925 --> 01:01:24,450
For some stupid, like,
massive, tacky entertainment complex.
992
01:01:24,575 --> 01:01:28,300
You know, the ones with, like, arcades
and laser tag. That sort of thing.
993
01:01:28,425 --> 01:01:30,675
Laser tag?
I love laser tag. Yeah.
994
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:34,400
When does it open?
-Nice. Thanks a lot. Shadia! -Hi, Griz.
995
01:01:34,525 --> 01:01:38,000
My God, your pics from
the Boston rally look amazing!
996
01:01:38,125 --> 01:01:41,975
Thank you.
-Yeah. Absolutely. Sweet Hacky Sack, man.
997
01:01:42,100 --> 01:01:44,025
It's not a Hacky Sack, dawg.
That's the trade name.
998
01:01:44,150 --> 01:01:47,650
It's an organic hemp-seed foot satchel.
And what's someone from the fucking
999
01:01:47,775 --> 01:01:50,725
laser tag lobby doing here?
-No, I'm just a friend of Shadia's.
1000
01:01:50,850 --> 01:01:54,300
Just a friend.
That's pretty cool, man. What is that, a dance ball?
1001
01:01:54,425 --> 01:01:56,300
Fuck! What the fuck?
1002
01:01:56,425 --> 01:01:58,425
You're fucking kidding me.
-It's like a...
1003
01:01:58,550 --> 01:02:02,525
What the fuck!
It's a 4-inch acrylic juggling orb!
1004
01:02:02,650 --> 01:02:04,225
Dick.
1005
01:02:04,350 --> 01:02:06,825
I'll see you guys
next weekend.
1006
01:02:06,950 --> 01:02:10,050
Absolutely. Absolutely.
-Yeah? Okay. Bye. Love your necklace.
1007
01:02:10,175 --> 01:02:12,175
Bye.
1008
01:02:14,825 --> 01:02:18,325
Hey, Griz...
Don't touch that, it's from Laser Tag.
1009
01:02:18,450 --> 01:02:21,775
Sorry.
They're good people. I swear.
1010
01:02:21,900 --> 01:02:25,450
Let me see that.
Where are you going with these "good people"?
1011
01:02:25,575 --> 01:02:29,250
We're heading out to the coast to...
charter a boat for the year.
1012
01:02:29,375 --> 01:02:32,425
For the year?
-Yeah. To do what?
1013
01:02:32,550 --> 01:02:35,725
We're documenting the effects of
climate change out on the ocean.
1014
01:02:36,775 --> 01:02:38,775
Aren't you supposed
to graduate next weekend?
1015
01:02:39,750 --> 01:02:41,750
Yeah.
1016
01:02:44,575 --> 01:02:46,575
Seems to me like you're
running from something.
1017
01:02:47,325 --> 01:02:49,325
Come on, haven't you
had to make sacrifices
1018
01:02:49,450 --> 01:02:51,450
to get where you are
as a photographer?
1019
01:02:51,950 --> 01:02:53,950
I mean, yeah, but...
1020
01:02:54,975 --> 01:02:56,975
That's different.
1021
01:02:57,975 --> 01:02:59,975
Look at this.
1022
01:03:04,875 --> 01:03:08,825
I hate photos of myself.
Why?
1023
01:03:08,950 --> 01:03:10,950
You look beautiful.
1024
01:03:12,825 --> 01:03:14,825
See?
1025
01:03:28,525 --> 01:03:30,525
Hey.
1026
01:03:30,725 --> 01:03:34,325
Wait, just calm down.
What?
1027
01:03:34,450 --> 01:03:36,450
Shit. Yeah,
we'll be right there.
1028
01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:38,950
What's going on?
-We gotta go.
1029
01:03:39,375 --> 01:03:43,200
And then I came back from the bathroom
and all those black guys from the club
1030
01:03:43,325 --> 01:03:45,300
were, like, standing around
Lenore and Dr. Richards
1031
01:03:45,425 --> 01:03:49,200
and they were yelling at them and threatening
them and they, like, kidnapped them!
1032
01:03:49,325 --> 01:03:52,025
And I think one of them had a gun!
Did you see where they took them?
1033
01:03:52,150 --> 01:03:54,650
No.
Those guys are staying at The Tillman.
1034
01:03:54,775 --> 01:03:58,075
That's all I know.
Okay. -Come on!
1035
01:03:58,475 --> 01:04:00,475
Come on!
-Shit!
1036
01:04:04,625 --> 01:04:06,625
What?
1037
01:04:07,450 --> 01:04:09,450
I smell marijuana.
1038
01:04:12,475 --> 01:04:16,300
What are you going to do with a bucket?
-I don't know!
1039
01:04:16,425 --> 01:04:18,675
Okay, on three. Ready?
1040
01:04:19,625 --> 01:04:22,075
One, two, three!
1041
01:04:24,325 --> 01:04:26,325
Okay, let me try
one more time.
1042
01:04:26,450 --> 01:04:28,950
The GZA, the RZA,
1043
01:04:30,100 --> 01:04:33,675
Ol' Dirty Bastard.
What's going on?
1044
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:37,525
Gang stuff.
Raekwon the Chef!
1045
01:04:37,650 --> 01:04:39,875
And the Method Man!
1046
01:04:44,325 --> 01:04:47,900
Hey! Here they are! How was the protest?
-It was good.
1047
01:04:48,025 --> 01:04:49,925
Yeah, it was good.
1048
01:04:50,750 --> 01:04:53,300
This is Lamar,
Lil' Chris, Big Chris,
1049
01:04:53,425 --> 01:04:57,375
Murray Finkelstein.
And, of course, you've already met Ty-rizone.
1050
01:04:57,500 --> 01:05:01,050
That nigga's crazy, man.
Yeah, what's with the N-word, anyway?
1051
01:05:01,175 --> 01:05:04,350
I can say it. I can't say it...
You can say it when we let you say it.
1052
01:05:04,475 --> 01:05:08,400
Which is never.
Just never say that under any circumstances.
1053
01:05:12,775 --> 01:05:14,775
Shotgun!
1054
01:05:17,750 --> 01:05:21,350
What the fuck is going on?
-I thought these guys wanted to kill you!
1055
01:05:21,475 --> 01:05:25,350
Lebanese Red.
I had some of this left over
1056
01:05:25,475 --> 01:05:28,375
from my time in the Middle East.
You throw some of this shit around,
1057
01:05:28,500 --> 01:05:31,375
you can really get away with anything.
Have some.
1058
01:05:31,500 --> 01:05:33,275
You're smoking
grass now?
1059
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:35,650
Jesus, this is a
gateway drug, Grandpa.
1060
01:05:35,775 --> 01:05:39,025
Yeah, well, you just opened the gateway to being a pussy. Take some.
-Yo, D.
1061
01:05:39,150 --> 01:05:42,175
Let's fucking bounce!
Let's fucking bounce!
1062
01:05:42,300 --> 01:05:44,300
Where?
1063
01:06:03,350 --> 01:06:06,725
Can I say it? Can I say it?
-No! No, no.
1064
01:06:06,850 --> 01:06:10,125
Say it!
Say that shit!
1065
01:06:18,050 --> 01:06:21,450
I'm totally gonna fuck him tonight.
Can I watch?
1066
01:06:21,575 --> 01:06:23,575
'Cause I kind of want
to fuck him too now.
1067
01:06:25,475 --> 01:06:29,375
Drop the mic, baby! Drop the mic, baby!
That's what I'm talking about!
1068
01:06:29,500 --> 01:06:31,775
Peace out, niggas!
I see you, boy.
1069
01:06:31,900 --> 01:06:33,900
Nasty!
1070
01:06:36,275 --> 01:06:39,025
Up next we have
Shadia and Jason!
1071
01:06:39,150 --> 01:06:41,150
Yep, it's us now.
1072
01:06:41,325 --> 01:06:43,375
What? No. No, no, no, no.
1073
01:06:43,675 --> 01:06:45,675
No...
-Come on.
1074
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:47,800
We can't top that.
I don't want to do this.
1075
01:06:48,975 --> 01:06:52,425
You know the song.
You know every word. See?
1076
01:06:53,675 --> 01:06:55,675
You're going to make me
do it all alone?
1077
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:57,800
Fine.
1078
01:06:58,950 --> 01:07:01,200
Hey.
1079
01:08:11,350 --> 01:08:13,350
Damn!
1080
01:08:24,350 --> 01:08:26,350
Who are you?
1081
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,325
I'm just saying,
who sings that well
1082
01:08:31,450 --> 01:08:33,650
and isn't
a professional singer?
1083
01:08:33,775 --> 01:08:36,225
You're so good at singing
you actually suck!
1084
01:08:36,350 --> 01:08:39,950
You guys want to come up for a nightcap?
-Yeah, well...
1085
01:08:40,075 --> 01:08:42,075
See if shit gets real?
1086
01:08:43,625 --> 01:08:46,675
Well, young
Michael Buble and I
1087
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,800
are gonna have a stogie
by the pool, so...
1088
01:08:51,225 --> 01:08:53,225
See you up there?
-Yeah.
1089
01:08:58,925 --> 01:09:00,925
I want you to know
how much I appreciate
1090
01:09:01,050 --> 01:09:03,050
you doing this
for me, Jason.
1091
01:09:04,125 --> 01:09:07,800
The greatest gift a grandson can give
his grandfather is a hot college girl who
1092
01:09:07,925 --> 01:09:10,075
wants to have unprotected sex
with him before he dies.
1093
01:09:11,325 --> 01:09:15,175
Yeah, well, most grandpas
just want toffee.
1094
01:09:19,150 --> 01:09:21,150
What's the matter?
1095
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:24,600
I think I'm gonna
call off my wedding.
1096
01:09:27,550 --> 01:09:32,000
Well, when you get married,
it's for a long fucking time.
1097
01:09:32,125 --> 01:09:34,125
And it's hard.
1098
01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:36,150
So it damn well
better be with a woman
1099
01:09:36,275 --> 01:09:40,175
who keeps things interesting.
You know your grandmother,
1100
01:09:40,300 --> 01:09:42,300
she tried to grow her
own pot plant once?
1101
01:09:43,100 --> 01:09:45,100
Really?
-Yeah,
1102
01:09:45,225 --> 01:09:47,225
She just wanted to see
if she could do it.
1103
01:09:49,050 --> 01:09:51,050
She was always
surprising me like that.
1104
01:09:53,950 --> 01:09:56,050
We also tried anal
once every five years.
1105
01:09:58,050 --> 01:10:00,050
Sweet.
1106
01:10:01,575 --> 01:10:03,575
I miss having someone
to share everything with.
1107
01:10:06,025 --> 01:10:08,025
It's not fair
to just keep Shadia
1108
01:10:08,150 --> 01:10:10,150
in the dark like this.
1109
01:10:10,925 --> 01:10:13,950
Since we started this,
it's just been one big lie.
1110
01:10:14,075 --> 01:10:16,075
She has no idea who I am.
1111
01:10:16,975 --> 01:10:18,975
I have to tell
her the truth.
1112
01:10:19,750 --> 01:10:22,425
Well, maybe telling her
tonight is a little abrupt.
1113
01:10:24,050 --> 01:10:26,100
The most important part
of a relationship is trust.
1114
01:10:26,225 --> 01:10:28,075
That's right.
1115
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:30,475
And I'm going
to start now.
1116
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:33,100
Or you can just wait till I
have sex with Lenore tonight,
1117
01:10:33,225 --> 01:10:35,225
then you can
tell Shadia everything.
1118
01:10:35,675 --> 01:10:37,675
No. I'm just lying.
1119
01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:40,425
Jason,
I'm your grandfather!
1120
01:10:40,550 --> 01:10:44,050
You wait till I fuck that college girl! I'm telling her now.
-Jason...
1121
01:10:44,175 --> 01:10:47,175
Jason! Jason!
Jason!
1122
01:10:47,300 --> 01:10:49,300
Jason!
1123
01:10:51,750 --> 01:10:53,750
'Sup, brah?
1124
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,175
Back off, D cups!
1125
01:10:57,300 --> 01:11:00,625
Well, if it isn't
the "Professor."
1126
01:11:00,750 --> 01:11:04,525
You know, it's amazing what you can
find with a name and Google these days.
1127
01:11:04,650 --> 01:11:08,225
You're not a real professor?
-My God! You lied to us. How could you.
1128
01:11:08,350 --> 01:11:10,300
Wait, wait, wait,
this is the best part.
1129
01:11:10,425 --> 01:11:12,425
This is the best part.
1130
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:16,125
Richard "Dick" Kelly,
Lieutenant Colonel
1131
01:11:16,250 --> 01:11:18,250
in the United States Army,
1132
01:11:19,075 --> 01:11:22,825
also known as the
American Gladiator "Nitro."
1133
01:11:22,950 --> 01:11:24,675
What the fuck
did you Google?
1134
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:28,900
Okay, well, there's
another best part then.
1135
01:11:29,025 --> 01:11:33,950
"Jason Patrick Kelly will wed
Meredith Miriam Goldstein
1136
01:11:34,075 --> 01:11:37,725
"at Jericho Temple
on Saturday, March 27th."
1137
01:11:37,850 --> 01:11:41,900
Wait, that's...
next Saturday.
1138
01:11:42,025 --> 01:11:45,750
Wait, you're grandfather
and grandson?
1139
01:11:45,875 --> 01:11:47,775
My God!
That is so fucked up.
1140
01:11:47,900 --> 01:11:50,025
That is so hot. I mean,
that is so fucked up.
1141
01:11:53,550 --> 01:11:55,550
So...
1142
01:11:57,025 --> 01:11:59,025
Are you getting married
next weekend?
1143
01:11:59,700 --> 01:12:02,600
I was.
I was getting married,
1144
01:12:02,725 --> 01:12:06,150
but then I met you, and now I don't...
My God! No. Don't pull that shit.
1145
01:12:08,150 --> 01:12:10,150
I feel fucking stupid
enough as it is.
1146
01:12:14,775 --> 01:12:17,525
So you're not a professor?
Are you even a photographer?
1147
01:12:17,650 --> 01:12:19,650
I'm a lawyer.
1148
01:12:21,175 --> 01:12:23,175
I handle
SEC compliance.
1149
01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:27,650
LLC agreements.
I came up here to...
1150
01:12:27,775 --> 01:12:30,075
Get the fuck out, Jason. Seriously.
Can I have a second to explain?
1151
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:34,050
No!
Hold up, hold up. Not so fast, "Professor."
1152
01:12:36,400 --> 01:12:40,150
For what's it worth,
I still really want to fuck you.
1153
01:12:40,275 --> 01:12:42,050
And we're going to fuck.
Yeah, we are.
1154
01:12:42,175 --> 01:12:45,525
We're going to thunder fuck.
You're gonna tsunami on my face!
1155
01:12:45,725 --> 01:12:47,725
You're gonna
flood like the Nile.
1156
01:12:47,850 --> 01:12:50,075
Yeah. I guess the drought
in my pussy is finally over.
1157
01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:53,575
The villagers will finally eat. You're
gonna die while you're eating me out.
1158
01:12:53,700 --> 01:12:56,500
I want your last breath to be in my
pussy. Lenore! You're such a slut.
1159
01:12:56,625 --> 01:13:00,100
Police!
That's right. Po-po in the ho-ho.
1160
01:13:00,225 --> 01:13:03,175
Some kind of ganja party?
-Sorry to harsh your mellows.
1161
01:13:03,300 --> 01:13:05,725
Where's my e-vite?
-Is that the jacket?
1162
01:13:05,850 --> 01:13:07,775
Check the right coat pocket. Check it,
man. Okay, turn around. Come on.
1163
01:13:07,900 --> 01:13:09,950
That's my jacket. That's not his jacket.
Up against the palm. There you go.
1164
01:13:10,075 --> 01:13:12,900
Let's have a look.
What've you got in here?
1165
01:13:13,025 --> 01:13:15,700
Bingo-bango.
-OMG. What the fuck? That's not mine!
1166
01:13:15,825 --> 01:13:17,750
"What the fuck?"
That's not mine!
1167
01:13:17,875 --> 01:13:21,825
The fuck? Well, it looks like
Spring Break is finally drug free!
1168
01:13:21,950 --> 01:13:25,050
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, pretty boy. Shall we?
1169
01:13:25,175 --> 01:13:28,500
No, it doesn't go down that way.
Let's go. I'll wait for you, Grandpa.
1170
01:13:28,625 --> 01:13:32,550
Keep that shit tight for me!
He's my Henry Miller.
1171
01:13:32,675 --> 01:13:36,625
What the fuck does that mean?
-Exactly!
1172
01:13:38,725 --> 01:13:40,725
Hey, there he is.
1173
01:13:41,425 --> 01:13:44,975
You got blood on your pants, you know.
Your license isn't even suspended, is it?
1174
01:13:45,100 --> 01:13:47,500
You made all this up just so
I'd come down here with you.
1175
01:13:47,625 --> 01:13:51,100
I had to make sure you'd come.
Fuck you!
1176
01:13:51,225 --> 01:13:53,225
Just chill, Jason.
Hakuna matata.
1177
01:13:55,525 --> 01:13:59,125
Who the fuck are you?
-I should have known you were fucking crazy
1178
01:13:59,250 --> 01:14:02,800
the moment you started hitting on
women the day after Grandma's funeral!
1179
01:14:02,925 --> 01:14:06,800
Don't you fucking judge me. You have no
idea what I had with your grandmother.
1180
01:14:06,925 --> 01:14:09,800
And everything I've done these last
few days I've done for a reason.
1181
01:14:09,925 --> 01:14:11,950
You were about to fuck up
royally by getting married,
1182
01:14:12,075 --> 01:14:15,725
and you fucking know it!
-Yeah? -What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
1183
01:14:16,625 --> 01:14:18,625
Chase around
some college girl
1184
01:14:18,750 --> 01:14:20,900
that doesn't even
want to fucking talk to me?
1185
01:14:21,025 --> 01:14:22,825
Not know what the fuck I'm
doing for the rest of my life?
1186
01:14:22,950 --> 01:14:24,800
Yeah, because at least you'd be
thinking for yourself for a change.
1187
01:14:24,925 --> 01:14:28,550
What the fuck does that even mean?
-Your father has lorded over every decision
1188
01:14:28,675 --> 01:14:30,375
you've made
in your adult life,
1189
01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:32,700
and Meredith is just
the latest example of that!
1190
01:14:32,825 --> 01:14:36,025
She's not right for you, Jason. If you
marry her, you're going to be sleepwalking
1191
01:14:36,150 --> 01:14:38,575
through the rest of your life and be
completely unhappy, just like your father!
1192
01:14:38,700 --> 01:14:40,925
I am already
unhappy with my life,
1193
01:14:41,050 --> 01:14:43,975
because I've done nothing
but get fucked by you
1194
01:14:44,100 --> 01:14:47,025
and this insane fuck rampage
that you've been on.
1195
01:14:47,150 --> 01:14:50,500
It wasn't a "fuck rampage" for me.
It was a "fuck rampage" for you.
1196
01:14:50,625 --> 01:14:53,350
How? How is this for me?
-I fucked up as a father.
1197
01:14:53,475 --> 01:14:55,100
I wasn't there
to raise your dad
1198
01:14:55,225 --> 01:14:57,525
and he turned into
a materialistic,
1199
01:14:57,650 --> 01:15:01,500
henpecked, poop-dick country clubber.
I don't want that to happen to you.
1200
01:15:01,625 --> 01:15:03,625
So that's what this was?
1201
01:15:06,550 --> 01:15:08,550
I was your last-ditch
redemption project.
1202
01:15:14,125 --> 01:15:16,125
Congratulations,
Grandpa.
1203
01:15:16,250 --> 01:15:18,250
You thought you were
a shitty father?
1204
01:15:20,075 --> 01:15:22,075
Now you're
a shitty grandfather.
1205
01:15:25,050 --> 01:15:27,050
I don't want to see you
at my wedding.
1206
01:15:27,800 --> 01:15:29,800
Stay the fuck
away from me.
1207
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:14,700
So, do you like this
size, or this size?
1208
01:16:25,975 --> 01:16:28,575
Hey, hon,
the people at the venue
1209
01:16:28,700 --> 01:16:30,550
said they don't have
enough mint napkins,
1210
01:16:30,675 --> 01:16:33,775
so which one
do you like better?
1211
01:16:33,900 --> 01:16:37,100
The seafoam or
the pistachio?
1212
01:16:39,125 --> 01:16:41,125
I'll get it.
1213
01:16:55,600 --> 01:16:57,600
What is it?
1214
01:16:57,725 --> 01:17:00,100
It's... Just another
wedding present.
1215
01:17:00,225 --> 01:17:02,625
I hope it's that
new big dipping spoon
1216
01:17:02,750 --> 01:17:04,750
from Williams-Sonoma.
1217
01:17:15,075 --> 01:17:18,975
...and as a tribute
to Meredith and Jason
1218
01:17:19,850 --> 01:17:21,850
and the love
that you guys share.
1219
01:17:21,975 --> 01:17:23,800
A love I will never know
because my dog
1220
01:17:23,925 --> 01:17:26,550
died the first day I masturbated.
So now I can't get hard unless...
1221
01:17:26,675 --> 01:17:28,350
Okay.
1222
01:17:28,475 --> 01:17:31,350
Also, we've got to stop ISIS.
It's gotten... It's too much.
1223
01:17:34,400 --> 01:17:36,400
Got it. Got it.
1224
01:17:36,525 --> 01:17:39,550
You know, today's celebration
is much more
1225
01:17:39,675 --> 01:17:43,650
than just about the union
of two people,
1226
01:17:43,775 --> 01:17:46,575
it's also about the union of
two families. Meredith...
1227
01:17:46,700 --> 01:17:48,700
The Kellys and the Goldsteins.
1228
01:17:49,900 --> 01:17:52,675
Let's have Jason and Meredith
tell their own story.
1229
01:17:57,800 --> 01:17:59,800
Nice job,
Uncle Dave!
1230
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:47,000
Let's go in for the kill.
1231
01:18:56,500 --> 01:18:58,500
You've been hacked.
1232
01:19:28,150 --> 01:19:30,150
Because you loved me.
1233
01:19:44,625 --> 01:19:46,625
What the fuck?
1234
01:19:48,725 --> 01:19:50,725
That is not
Martha's Vineyard.
1235
01:19:51,550 --> 01:19:53,550
Jason!
1236
01:19:54,950 --> 01:19:58,350
Take it off!
-Trying, dear. Trying. Leave them on.
1237
01:19:58,475 --> 01:20:01,775
Shut it down.
I have something to say.
1238
01:20:04,625 --> 01:20:07,650
I think I've been listening
to everybody else
1239
01:20:07,775 --> 01:20:10,800
about what I should be
doing with my life.
1240
01:20:10,925 --> 01:20:13,425
My grandpa said something
really interesting.
1241
01:20:13,550 --> 01:20:15,425
All right, cut the mics.
I'm going up.
1242
01:20:15,550 --> 01:20:17,725
...take that punch,
1243
01:20:17,850 --> 01:20:19,850
that point forward,
things get easier.
1244
01:20:20,900 --> 01:20:24,425
The mic's off.
-Jason, your mic cut out. What?
1245
01:20:24,550 --> 01:20:27,750
Your mic cut out at the most
inopportune time, so we can't hear
1246
01:20:27,875 --> 01:20:31,725
why you want to leave those images up.
Hitting it won't work.
1247
01:20:31,850 --> 01:20:33,750
If they caught it
from the PA... Band?
1248
01:20:33,875 --> 01:20:35,875
What the fuck?
1249
01:20:36,150 --> 01:20:38,150
Nick, can you
tell her something for me?
1250
01:20:38,575 --> 01:20:40,575
Can you tell her
that...
1251
01:20:42,500 --> 01:20:46,750
I'm really sorry,
but I can't marry her.
1252
01:20:46,875 --> 01:20:49,350
You think that message
should come from me? Okay...
1253
01:20:51,125 --> 01:20:53,125
Uncle Ramon,
1254
01:20:53,250 --> 01:20:55,400
can you tell Meredith
that Jason's sorry,
1255
01:20:55,525 --> 01:20:57,525
but that they
can't get married?
1256
01:21:00,125 --> 01:21:02,125
Fuck!
1257
01:21:03,000 --> 01:21:05,000
I forgot Uncle Ramon
was deaf
1258
01:21:05,125 --> 01:21:07,125
and I talked to him
like a normal.
1259
01:21:08,450 --> 01:21:10,450
Uncle Ruben,
1260
01:21:10,575 --> 01:21:12,925
can you please tell Meredith
that Jason is really sorry,
1261
01:21:13,050 --> 01:21:15,050
but that he can't marry her?
1262
01:21:17,600 --> 01:21:21,925
He says he's very sorry,
but he can't marry you.
1263
01:21:22,125 --> 01:21:24,550
Uncle Ruben,
1264
01:21:24,675 --> 01:21:28,525
can you turn that thing up a little?
-It doesn't get any louder.
1265
01:21:28,650 --> 01:21:30,650
Where'd you get
that thing, SkyMall?
1266
01:21:31,475 --> 01:21:33,475
At this point,
I'm kind of nervous
1267
01:21:33,600 --> 01:21:35,600
that anybody I pick
will have a disability.
1268
01:21:36,450 --> 01:21:38,750
Okay... Waiter...
Hey, Pubes.
1269
01:21:40,825 --> 01:21:42,825
Can you please
go tell Meredith
1270
01:21:42,950 --> 01:21:44,850
that my cousin Jason
is very sorry,
1271
01:21:44,975 --> 01:21:46,975
but they cannot
get married?
1272
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:50,725
Come on, man. It's my first day...
I know it's your first day,
1273
01:21:50,850 --> 01:21:52,850
but everybody needs
you to be a man here.
1274
01:21:53,150 --> 01:21:55,150
Okay.
1275
01:21:57,025 --> 01:21:59,025
Just real quick...
1276
01:21:59,150 --> 01:22:01,750
He sent me... He wants
me to tell you that...
1277
01:22:04,950 --> 01:22:06,950
He doesn't think
that he can marry you.
1278
01:22:08,650 --> 01:22:10,650
But that he's sorry
that he can't.
1279
01:22:16,375 --> 01:22:18,875
She's laughing, so I think
that you're in the clear, bro.
1280
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:22,500
No, it's good. That was good.
You can just go back and tell him
1281
01:22:23,775 --> 01:22:25,775
that I fucked his cousin
Nick while he was gone.
1282
01:22:27,750 --> 01:22:29,925
She's so super
cool about it.
1283
01:22:30,050 --> 01:22:33,450
She's like, "Go!
Do your thing. Do you."
1284
01:22:33,575 --> 01:22:37,000
She said that?
-That's what she said, verbatim.
1285
01:22:37,125 --> 01:22:39,550
Wait. Should I come down and say bye?
-No. God! Fuck no!
1286
01:22:39,675 --> 01:22:42,750
No?
-Yeah. No need to even... Let's not even...
1287
01:22:42,875 --> 01:22:44,875
You just... I've done it...
We're great!
1288
01:22:45,600 --> 01:22:48,950
Wait, where the fuck is he going?
-Jason!
1289
01:22:49,075 --> 01:22:50,975
Jason!
1290
01:23:01,575 --> 01:23:03,600
It's actually the guy on
the moped with the iPad.
1291
01:23:05,075 --> 01:23:07,150
NSA stopped using
utility vans years ago.
1292
01:23:08,475 --> 01:23:10,475
I figured once you sent
the camera back,
1293
01:23:10,600 --> 01:23:12,600
it was time to take
drastic measures.
1294
01:23:12,725 --> 01:23:14,675
What'd he say?
Are we doing this?
1295
01:23:14,800 --> 01:23:18,700
Plan B, have Pam kidnap you.
I've got to get her back.
1296
01:23:18,825 --> 01:23:22,650
You want me to kidnap her?
-I'll bring her back to you in a box, bro.
1297
01:23:22,775 --> 01:23:25,800
She's on a bus headed west
on I-85 across Florida.
1298
01:23:25,925 --> 01:23:28,875
Her boat leaves in four hours.
It was easy to track her down
1299
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:32,025
because of the whole Middle Eastern thing.
Bet you never thought you'd 69 a girl
1300
01:23:32,150 --> 01:23:35,225
because of the Patriot Act.
You 69 her, man!
1301
01:23:35,725 --> 01:23:39,700
And then she's dead.
Are you kidding me, Pam? This is what you drive?
1302
01:23:39,825 --> 01:23:43,525
Yeah, it is so easy selling kids drugs
from an ice cream truck. It's crazy!
1303
01:23:43,650 --> 01:23:46,600
Jason!
Jason! -Go, go, go, go!
1304
01:23:46,725 --> 01:23:49,750
Jason, stop!
Stop right now. Stop! Stop!
1305
01:23:49,875 --> 01:23:53,175
If you leave right now,
you can kiss your job at the firm goodbye!
1306
01:23:53,300 --> 01:23:55,300
David, will you get
the fuck out of the way!
1307
01:23:56,525 --> 01:24:00,400
Hey, hey! Come on!
What the hell!
1308
01:24:00,525 --> 01:24:04,100
Hey, guy, unless you want a Chipwich or
some heroin, get off my ice cream truck!
1309
01:24:04,225 --> 01:24:07,700
Who the fuck is this slob?
-Slob? I am a small business owner!
1310
01:24:07,825 --> 01:24:09,850
I am the backbone
of this country!
1311
01:24:09,975 --> 01:24:11,975
I am holding a taser!
1312
01:24:12,100 --> 01:24:15,575
Shit!
-Dude, should I stop? -What are you...
1313
01:24:15,700 --> 01:24:18,725
I'm kind of in the middle of it
right here. Shit! All right.
1314
01:24:20,500 --> 01:24:22,500
Raise your hand
if you've got a boner!
1315
01:24:23,225 --> 01:24:25,225
What were we
supposed to do?
1316
01:24:25,350 --> 01:24:27,350
Just leave him
on the side of road?
1317
01:24:27,475 --> 01:24:31,075
Hey, man, can you slow down?
-You're making this very difficult.
1318
01:24:31,200 --> 01:24:33,750
What the fuck! That was you who drew
all those dicks on me last week?
1319
01:24:33,875 --> 01:24:36,475
Yeah, I drew the dicks.
Busted! My God!
1320
01:24:36,600 --> 01:24:39,650
Shit!
Don't worry. Get up. We'll cut through the back roads.
1321
01:24:39,775 --> 01:24:41,775
Wait, what?
-You navigate. I'll drive.
1322
01:24:46,750 --> 01:24:48,750
Watch out! Watch out!
1323
01:24:58,475 --> 01:25:00,475
What the hell
is going on?
1324
01:25:03,450 --> 01:25:05,450
Got ourselves a bogey.
-All right, let's do this!
1325
01:25:11,375 --> 01:25:13,475
Fuck! We gotta
lose some of this weight.
1326
01:25:13,600 --> 01:25:15,575
Pam, throw some
of this shit out of here!
1327
01:25:15,700 --> 01:25:18,800
Hey, look, it's Pam.
He's the good kind of Greek.
1328
01:25:20,575 --> 01:25:22,575
Hey, Gene.
Hey, Gary.
1329
01:25:25,100 --> 01:25:27,100
How the hell do you know
how to drive like that, Dad?
1330
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,000
Damn it, Grandpa.
Just tell him!
1331
01:25:31,400 --> 01:25:33,400
I was a Green Beret
in Special Forces.
1332
01:25:33,525 --> 01:25:37,325
I taught insurgents behind enemy lines.
Mechanic was just my cover.
1333
01:25:37,450 --> 01:25:39,450
Good! We're all made up!
1334
01:25:40,375 --> 01:25:42,375
There they are!
That's them! Let's go, go, go!
1335
01:25:44,600 --> 01:25:47,650
Shadia!
Jason?
1336
01:25:47,775 --> 01:25:51,450
Stop the bus! I need to talk to you!
What are you doing here
1337
01:25:51,575 --> 01:25:53,400
in an ice cream truck?
-Stop the bus! Okay!
1338
01:25:53,525 --> 01:25:56,775
Pull over!
I'm not pulling over!
1339
01:25:56,900 --> 01:25:59,350
Thanks a lot, Pam!
You narc!
1340
01:25:59,475 --> 01:26:02,900
What! I'm not a narc, Barry!
Fuck you!
1341
01:26:03,025 --> 01:26:04,600
Pam, you know him?
1342
01:26:04,725 --> 01:26:07,050
Barry? Yeah, he's, like,
my best friend.
1343
01:26:07,175 --> 01:26:10,925
I sold him, like, six tons of ecstasy...!
That's why they're not stopping the bus.
1344
01:26:11,050 --> 01:26:14,950
It's full of drugs.
Classic Pam.
1345
01:26:15,075 --> 01:26:18,700
I know that man.
-Stop the bus! Jason, where are you going?
1346
01:26:18,825 --> 01:26:20,825
What are you doing?
1347
01:26:21,325 --> 01:26:23,325
What are they...
1348
01:26:33,975 --> 01:26:35,975
You'd better
marry that girl.
1349
01:26:36,100 --> 01:26:38,100
Me? Nah, she's not really
my type. Too skinny.
1350
01:26:48,350 --> 01:26:50,350
What the fuck?
1351
01:26:50,500 --> 01:26:52,500
Slow down!
My God!
1352
01:26:52,625 --> 01:26:54,625
What are you doing?
1353
01:26:56,600 --> 01:26:58,600
Slow down, dude!
1354
01:27:05,425 --> 01:27:07,425
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1355
01:27:07,550 --> 01:27:09,550
Go get her, man!
1356
01:27:09,925 --> 01:27:13,825
What is going on? What just happened?
-Hey. I don't even fucking know,
1357
01:27:13,950 --> 01:27:15,625
but I'm not
getting married.
1358
01:27:15,750 --> 01:27:19,750
Okay, so that makes it okay
that you were lying to me?
1359
01:27:19,875 --> 01:27:23,350
No. No, it doesn't.
But you have to admit that when we were together
1360
01:27:23,475 --> 01:27:26,750
it felt great.
There was something real there.
1361
01:27:27,075 --> 01:27:29,075
Yeah.
1362
01:27:31,475 --> 01:27:33,475
What do you
want from me, Jason?
1363
01:27:34,550 --> 01:27:36,550
I want you to stay.
1364
01:27:40,075 --> 01:27:42,600
I just can't stay.
1365
01:27:45,350 --> 01:27:47,350
Okay.
1366
01:27:47,700 --> 01:27:49,700
No, I get it.
1367
01:27:50,500 --> 01:27:52,500
Yeah.
1368
01:27:57,450 --> 01:27:59,450
What if I come with you?
1369
01:28:00,850 --> 01:28:02,850
Come...
1370
01:28:04,000 --> 01:28:06,000
Really?
-I mean...
1371
01:28:07,650 --> 01:28:10,625
I just broke up with my
fiancee, lost my job.
1372
01:28:10,750 --> 01:28:13,750
And I think I'm wanted
by the police, so...
1373
01:28:14,750 --> 01:28:17,950
A year at sea
1374
01:28:18,075 --> 01:28:20,075
might actually be
the best place for me.
1375
01:28:22,500 --> 01:28:24,500
Okay.
1376
01:28:36,325 --> 01:28:39,600
Break it up, lesbians! Let's go.
Get down on the ground!
1377
01:28:39,725 --> 01:28:43,675
We're doing this because you're
lesbians! Get down on the ground!
1378
01:28:43,800 --> 01:28:47,200
According to
Interstate Statute 17.37,
1379
01:28:47,325 --> 01:28:50,000
arrests made on the
Interstate Highway System
1380
01:28:50,125 --> 01:28:53,500
must be executed by state police,
not your local law enforcement
1381
01:28:53,625 --> 01:28:56,800
from your adjacent municipalities.
You seem, like, really familiar
1382
01:28:56,925 --> 01:28:59,700
with the penal code.
You seem real cocksure
1383
01:28:59,825 --> 01:29:02,825
about the juris-dick-tion you're in.
Real cocksure!
1384
01:29:02,950 --> 01:29:05,725
Someone drew dicks all over your face,
you idiot! Well, look at that!
1385
01:29:05,850 --> 01:29:09,550
You got dicks on your face.
That middle one's mine. Look it, this one right here.
1386
01:29:09,675 --> 01:29:12,200
I traced it.
I thought I recognized that!
1387
01:29:12,325 --> 01:29:14,850
Enough catching up.
Let my friends go.
1388
01:29:14,975 --> 01:29:17,400
They've literally
done nothing wrong.
1389
01:29:17,525 --> 01:29:19,625
Pam, we've got obstruction
of justice here.
1390
01:29:19,750 --> 01:29:21,675
We got reckless
endangerment.
1391
01:29:21,800 --> 01:29:25,575
The bus is full of drugs, I get it. Speaking
of which, I've got to get out of here.
1392
01:29:25,700 --> 01:29:28,475
I got three keys of "Frisbees"
showing up at the store today, so...
1393
01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:30,350
I should go,
question mark?
1394
01:29:30,475 --> 01:29:34,050
Why don't you take my squad car.
That's a good idea. Give him your keys.
1395
01:29:34,175 --> 01:29:37,175
You mean these keys?
-There they are.
1396
01:29:38,300 --> 01:29:41,425
Classic Pam.
-Classic Pam. What do you say we get some lunch?
1397
01:29:41,550 --> 01:29:43,550
Love it.
1398
01:29:44,625 --> 01:29:46,625
See you fucks later.
1399
01:29:47,650 --> 01:29:51,125
So, I'm gonna
go with her.
1400
01:29:53,350 --> 01:29:55,350
Yeah, you should.
1401
01:29:55,475 --> 01:29:57,475
She seems real nice.
1402
01:29:59,450 --> 01:30:03,350
You know, I think this is
our only way back now,
1403
01:30:03,475 --> 01:30:07,375
so I'm gonna try to get
these cocks off of my face
1404
01:30:07,500 --> 01:30:09,500
and get that
truck started.
1405
01:30:11,500 --> 01:30:13,500
Just give me one sec.
-Yeah.
1406
01:30:21,150 --> 01:30:24,625
Grandpa...
Thank you for...
1407
01:30:24,750 --> 01:30:28,000
Don't give me any of that shit.
Just let me know when you get back.
1408
01:30:28,125 --> 01:30:31,700
And I actually want to see
your photos in Time magazine.
1409
01:30:31,825 --> 01:30:35,400
This camera set me back three
months of my army pension!
1410
01:30:48,475 --> 01:30:50,475
Thanks, Grandpa.
1411
01:30:50,900 --> 01:30:53,100
And, Jason...
1412
01:30:53,900 --> 01:30:55,900
Yeah?
1413
01:30:56,275 --> 01:30:59,675
Back in the '80s,
when Andre the Giant
1414
01:30:59,800 --> 01:31:01,800
used to go to
the Playboy Mansion,
1415
01:31:03,275 --> 01:31:05,800
he'd stack five playmates
on top of each other on a bed
1416
01:31:05,925 --> 01:31:09,900
and fingerfuck them all. Five at a time.
Because his hands were so big.
1417
01:31:11,900 --> 01:31:13,900
So...
1418
01:31:14,775 --> 01:31:16,775
That's it.
1419
01:31:20,925 --> 01:31:22,925
Thanks, Grandpa.
1420
01:31:23,525 --> 01:31:25,525
"De Oppresso Liber."
1421
01:31:26,800 --> 01:31:28,800
Motto of the Green Berets.
1422
01:31:30,450 --> 01:31:32,450
It means
"to liberate the oppressed."
1423
01:31:44,725 --> 01:31:46,725
Hey. You ready?
1424
01:31:46,850 --> 01:31:48,850
Yep.
1425
01:32:07,025 --> 01:32:09,025
Well, thanks for the ride.
1426
01:32:10,875 --> 01:32:12,875
You gonna be okay, Dad?
1427
01:32:14,625 --> 01:32:16,625
I miss her.
1428
01:32:18,350 --> 01:32:20,350
But I'll be okay.
1429
01:32:24,250 --> 01:32:26,250
I was a shitty father
and I'm sorry.
1430
01:32:28,550 --> 01:32:30,550
Well, we'll work
on it.
1431
01:32:46,850 --> 01:32:48,850
You're a hard man
to track down, Professor.
1432
01:32:51,775 --> 01:32:55,750
Are those my pants?
-Yeah, these are your pants.
1433
01:32:55,875 --> 01:32:59,425
I found a Werther's Original in the pocket
and I've been sucking on it all morning.
1434
01:33:00,650 --> 01:33:04,625
You do know that I'm not a professor, right?
-Yeah, I know.
1435
01:33:04,750 --> 01:33:06,775
You're just a dirty,
dirty grandpa,
1436
01:33:06,900 --> 01:33:09,975
and I'm just a girl
from Long Island City
1437
01:33:10,100 --> 01:33:12,100
who likes to fuck
old people.
1438
01:33:12,800 --> 01:33:14,800
I like your
pull-out couch.
1439
01:33:15,375 --> 01:33:18,675
Yeah, well, I got news for you.
That's the only thing
1440
01:33:18,800 --> 01:33:20,750
that's gonna be
pulling out tonight.
1441
01:33:20,875 --> 01:33:22,875
I'll be right back.
1442
01:33:39,325 --> 01:33:41,325
Hey.
1443
01:33:41,450 --> 01:33:44,250
Look, I'm... I'm sorry.
1444
01:33:44,375 --> 01:33:47,625
I don't know if I can do this.
I haven't done it for a long time.
1445
01:34:06,450 --> 01:34:08,650
Whoops! I guess
they just slipped off.
1446
01:34:09,750 --> 01:34:11,750
I want you to tear
open my bra
1447
01:34:11,875 --> 01:34:13,875
like it's a social
security check.
1448
01:34:24,875 --> 01:34:26,875
Tell me you've fallen
and you can't get up.
1449
01:34:27,000 --> 01:34:29,000
"Help, I've fallen
and I can't get up."
1450
01:34:29,275 --> 01:34:31,275
No!
1451
01:34:31,400 --> 01:34:35,225
Now fumble around and pretend like
you're trying to find your glasses.
1452
01:34:35,350 --> 01:34:37,350
"I'm trying to find
my glasses. I can't see.
1453
01:34:38,875 --> 01:34:41,725
"I found them!
I can see! I can see!"
1454
01:34:43,625 --> 01:34:45,625
Tell me it's 4:00
and you want to eat dinner.
1455
01:34:45,750 --> 01:34:47,750
"It's 4:00
and I want to eat dinner."
1456
01:34:47,875 --> 01:34:49,775
Tell me the buttons
on your remote control
1457
01:34:49,900 --> 01:34:53,750
are so small that you can't find Fox
News. "The buttons on my remote control
1458
01:34:53,875 --> 01:34:56,775
"are so small I can't find Fox News!"
Tell me how small they are!
1459
01:34:56,900 --> 01:34:59,775
"They're real small!"
Tell me how this neighborhood used to be safer!
1460
01:34:59,900 --> 01:35:01,575
"This neighborhood
used to be safer!"
1461
01:35:01,700 --> 01:35:03,650
Tell me how things were
better under Eisenhower!
1462
01:35:03,775 --> 01:35:07,000
"Things were better under Eisenhower!" We like Ike!
-We like Ike!
1463
01:35:07,125 --> 01:35:09,600
We like Ike!
-We like Ike! We like Ike!
1464
01:35:09,725 --> 01:35:12,650
We like Ike!
We like Ike!
1465
01:35:12,775 --> 01:35:16,400
We like Ike!
We like Ike!
1466
01:35:17,625 --> 01:35:19,625
Are you
cumming or dying?
1467
01:35:19,750 --> 01:35:21,750
I'm not sure!
Maybe both!
1468
01:35:33,200 --> 01:35:35,500
"...for as by a man
came death.
1469
01:35:38,625 --> 01:35:41,775
"By a man has
come also life."
1470
01:35:43,500 --> 01:35:45,700
Richard Kelly II.
1471
01:35:46,875 --> 01:35:49,775
Congratulations on the
baby's new godparents,
1472
01:35:49,900 --> 01:35:53,100
Jason and Shadia.
Congratulations!
1473
01:35:55,575 --> 01:35:58,400
Back to Mommy.
All baptized.
1474
01:35:58,525 --> 01:36:00,525
You just keep
surprising me, Grandpa.
1475
01:36:01,400 --> 01:36:04,775
New dad at 72.
Great fucking idea.
1476
01:36:04,900 --> 01:36:08,450
Hey, watch your potty mouth! Jesus, sorry...
-Yeah, clean up your language.
1477
01:36:08,575 --> 01:36:11,675
And show some respect for your new
grandmother! I'm sorry, honey.
1478
01:36:11,800 --> 01:36:14,450
That's all right. And sweetie,
would it kill you to visit us sometimes?
1479
01:36:14,575 --> 01:36:18,325
We never see you.
Sorry, Nanna.
1480
01:36:18,450 --> 01:36:21,525
You wanna go grab the car?
-Yeah. All right, I'll pull around the minivan.
1481
01:36:21,650 --> 01:36:24,525
Go to Daddy.
There we go, come to Daddy.
1482
01:36:24,650 --> 01:36:26,650
All right.
1483
01:36:27,600 --> 01:36:29,600
It's a little bit weird.
1484
01:36:30,325 --> 01:36:32,325
She's my grandma.
1485
01:36:34,500 --> 01:36:36,500
And you're my uncle.
1486
01:36:37,950 --> 01:36:41,675
Look at that.
-Holy shit! It's a good dick.
1487
01:36:41,800 --> 01:36:44,675
My God! Put that away. It's our dick.
-Yeah.
1488
01:36:44,800 --> 01:36:46,700
I'm just relieved
it's not his dick.
1489
01:36:48,500 --> 01:36:50,500
You want to get
the bottle for me?
1490
01:36:50,625 --> 01:36:52,625
Yeah.
1491
01:36:56,725 --> 01:36:58,725
Jamba!
1492
01:37:01,725 --> 01:37:05,725
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com