1 00:03:25,519 --> 00:03:27,419 All right. Cut it. 2 00:03:27,454 --> 00:03:28,819 All right. Hold it. 3 00:03:37,364 --> 00:03:39,696 What is that idiot doin'? 4 00:03:46,273 --> 00:03:47,433 What's that idiot doing? 5 00:03:47,474 --> 00:03:49,237 -l just asked the same question. -What's the answer? 6 00:03:49,276 --> 00:03:50,607 l don't know. l didn't tell him to-- 7 00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:52,043 Don't know? Look, you're the director. 8 00:03:52,078 --> 00:03:53,807 lt was your idea to bring him over here from lndia. 9 00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:55,815 Now, you'd better start telling him what to do... 10 00:03:55,849 --> 00:03:58,044 or we're gonna be out of business. Now, go ahead. 11 00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:13,565 Come on. 12 00:04:14,768 --> 00:04:16,292 -Charlie. -Yeah? 13 00:04:25,111 --> 00:04:26,874 You ready? Action! 14 00:04:48,835 --> 00:04:51,668 Cut, damn it! Cut! 15 00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:02,882 -Mr. Bakshi. -Yes, sir. 16 00:05:02,916 --> 00:05:04,383 Has it occurred to you... 17 00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:07,318 that the period of our picture is 1878? 18 00:05:07,354 --> 00:05:09,083 Yes, indeed, sir. l am well aware... 19 00:05:09,122 --> 00:05:11,852 that that is the period of the film. 1878. 20 00:05:11,891 --> 00:05:13,722 Mr. Bakshi, are you also aware... 21 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,992 that in 1878 they weren't wearing underwater watches? 22 00:05:18,031 --> 00:05:21,159 Yes, sir. l know that. They had not even been invented. 23 00:05:21,201 --> 00:05:22,691 You got the time? 24 00:05:22,736 --> 00:05:25,637 Yes, it's...oh, my God. 25 00:05:25,672 --> 00:05:27,697 All right. Lunch everybody. 26 00:05:27,741 --> 00:05:30,869 That's forty-two on the crew, one hour for the cast. 27 00:05:39,119 --> 00:05:40,984 OK, guys. The cue for the demolition... 28 00:05:41,021 --> 00:05:42,511 is when l lower my hand like this, OK? 29 00:05:42,555 --> 00:05:44,648 -Yes, sir. -Guys, we got one shot at this. 30 00:05:44,691 --> 00:05:46,591 Let's get it right. 31 00:05:46,626 --> 00:05:47,786 OK, Kenny. Let's go. 32 00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,158 All right. Places everybody. 33 00:05:49,195 --> 00:05:52,096 Marty. Look, l just talked to Clutterbuck on the phone. 34 00:05:52,132 --> 00:05:54,259 He says if we don't wrap this location today, it's your neck. 35 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,030 No problem. All we have left is to blow up the fort. 36 00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:59,470 OK. Great. 37 00:06:03,843 --> 00:06:05,310 OK, Ken. Let's go. 38 00:06:05,345 --> 00:06:07,745 All right. Carol. Earl. 39 00:06:07,781 --> 00:06:09,043 All right. Stand by. 40 00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:36,068 You. 41 00:06:40,947 --> 00:06:43,245 Yes, you. 42 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:47,686 You get off of my set and get out of my picture. 43 00:06:47,721 --> 00:06:50,781 Off. Out. You're through. 44 00:06:50,824 --> 00:06:52,724 You're washed up. You're finished. 45 00:06:52,759 --> 00:06:55,694 l'll see to it you never make another movie again! 46 00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:59,194 Does that include television, sir? 47 00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:02,292 l'll kill him ! 48 00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,613 Mr. Divot calling from location on six. 49 00:07:20,653 --> 00:07:21,847 All right. 50 00:07:24,057 --> 00:07:25,388 Yeah, Charlie. 51 00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:31,027 What? 52 00:07:31,064 --> 00:07:33,498 The whole damn thing? 53 00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:36,434 Well, how the hell could a thing like that happen? 54 00:07:36,469 --> 00:07:38,994 What's his name? 55 00:07:39,038 --> 00:07:41,233 Spell it! 56 00:07:41,274 --> 00:07:44,539 Hrundi V. 57 00:07:44,577 --> 00:07:50,675 B-a-k-s-h-i. 58 00:07:50,717 --> 00:07:54,710 l'll see to it he never works again in this town. 59 00:07:54,754 --> 00:07:57,222 Your wife called about the guest list for the party. 60 00:07:57,257 --> 00:07:59,657 Yeah, on the desk. You know where to reach me. 61 00:08:22,649 --> 00:08:27,677 l need an address for Hrundi V. Bakshi. 62 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,746 B-a-k-s-h-i. 63 00:13:07,266 --> 00:13:08,597 Hello. 64 00:15:06,852 --> 00:15:08,114 Vodka or scotch, sir? 65 00:15:17,897 --> 00:15:20,331 No. l... 66 00:15:20,366 --> 00:15:22,266 l never touch it. Thank you. 67 00:15:42,488 --> 00:15:43,978 Twenty-week layoff that you've never seen-- 68 00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:45,285 No, thank you. 69 00:15:47,226 --> 00:15:48,386 Hors d'oeuvres, sir? 70 00:15:48,427 --> 00:15:51,487 Well, l'm on a diet, but the hell with it. 71 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,195 -Pool. -Pool. 72 00:16:29,235 --> 00:16:32,363 -Pool is water, no? -No, billiards. 73 00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:35,572 Says the father, ''Oh, my goodness. 74 00:16:35,608 --> 00:16:37,337 ''We got the wrong baby,'' and the father says... 75 00:16:37,376 --> 00:16:40,140 ''Shh. lt's a better buggy.'' 76 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:42,340 l never heard that one before. 77 00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:51,148 Oh, yes. You... 78 00:16:51,190 --> 00:16:54,990 l missed the middle part, but l can tell from the way... 79 00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:56,255 that you are enjoying yourselves... 80 00:16:56,295 --> 00:16:58,286 it must have been a very humorous anecdote... 81 00:16:58,331 --> 00:16:59,821 because the way you are laughing... 82 00:16:59,865 --> 00:17:02,459 just shows how much you enjoyed it. 83 00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:05,732 l love a good laugh, don't you? lt makes the world go round. 84 00:17:05,771 --> 00:17:09,468 lt's good to have a laugh. Wonderful. 85 00:17:10,609 --> 00:17:12,509 Very good. 86 00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:23,752 l shall remember that one. 87 00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:36,233 They were bound and gagged for six hours. 88 00:17:36,268 --> 00:17:37,826 They took everything... 89 00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:39,997 even the gold watch my daddy'd left me. 90 00:17:42,174 --> 00:17:45,701 They took the gold watch that your father left you? 91 00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:47,337 l'm sorry. 92 00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:48,904 lt is utterly fantastic. 93 00:17:48,948 --> 00:17:50,347 What a wonderful thing for anyone to do. 94 00:17:50,383 --> 00:17:52,578 Take everything, including the father's watch. 95 00:17:52,618 --> 00:17:54,609 lt's wonderful. 96 00:17:54,653 --> 00:17:57,781 l tell you, tonight is one big round of laughter. 97 00:17:57,823 --> 00:17:59,654 All fun and laughter. 98 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:04,222 The congressman was just telling us... 99 00:18:04,263 --> 00:18:05,821 about the time he was robbed. 100 00:18:13,372 --> 00:18:15,499 Who's the foreigner? 101 00:18:15,541 --> 00:18:17,133 l don't know. 102 00:18:17,176 --> 00:18:19,440 Someone my mixed-up wife invited. 103 00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:22,704 Oh, dear. 104 00:18:25,618 --> 00:18:27,347 Hello, dog. What do you want? 105 00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:30,014 What do you want, eh? You like my feet, do you? 106 00:18:30,055 --> 00:18:31,522 Have your fill, and away you go. 107 00:18:31,557 --> 00:18:35,425 Feet are considered a delicacy among certain animals. 108 00:18:37,096 --> 00:18:40,395 Go on, you've had enough now. Off. Chow! 109 00:18:40,433 --> 00:18:43,197 ln fact, there are certain man-eating animals... 110 00:18:43,235 --> 00:18:45,726 who will eat only the feet, leave everything else. 111 00:18:45,771 --> 00:18:47,033 Would not touch one other thing. 112 00:18:47,072 --> 00:18:50,564 Get away. Down, now. Chow, dog. 113 00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:52,873 Get away. 114 00:18:52,912 --> 00:18:54,402 Get away from me, dog. 115 00:18:54,447 --> 00:18:55,709 Vodka or scotch, sir? 116 00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:57,739 Get away. No, thank you. 117 00:18:58,984 --> 00:19:00,975 Get away. 118 00:19:13,265 --> 00:19:14,698 Oh, good evening, Mr. Divot. How are you? 119 00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:16,360 How are ya? 120 00:19:16,402 --> 00:19:18,063 Smile, baby. 121 00:19:22,808 --> 00:19:24,366 Good evening, General. 122 00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:26,207 l'd like to have you meet Miss Michele Monet. 123 00:19:26,245 --> 00:19:28,042 Mr. Clutterbuck, Mrs. Clutterbuck. 124 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,344 How are ya, Alice? 125 00:19:30,382 --> 00:19:31,872 l'll introduce my guests, if l may. 126 00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:33,248 Here, Mrs. Dunphy. 127 00:19:38,324 --> 00:19:39,951 l've heard some wonderful things about you. 128 00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:45,096 Well, sir, you seem to have a wonderful party going here. 129 00:19:52,338 --> 00:19:55,102 -How do you like it so far? -Fine. 130 00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:57,438 Have a drink. Go ahead. 131 00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:15,091 -Hello. -Oh, hello. 132 00:20:15,127 --> 00:20:17,095 And good evening. 133 00:20:17,129 --> 00:20:18,494 Good evening. 134 00:20:18,531 --> 00:20:20,294 What a beautiful evening it is. 135 00:20:20,332 --> 00:20:22,596 To be sure. 136 00:20:29,141 --> 00:20:31,473 What's in there? 137 00:20:31,510 --> 00:20:33,205 What, in here? 138 00:20:35,881 --> 00:20:38,315 Oh, there is nothing in there. 139 00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:42,714 Yes, there is. 140 00:20:42,755 --> 00:20:46,282 l don't know. l don't think so. 141 00:20:46,325 --> 00:20:50,022 -Let's see now. No. -Don't you see it? 142 00:20:50,062 --> 00:20:52,997 No, there is definitely nothing in there. 143 00:20:53,032 --> 00:20:56,968 lf there were something, it's gone away now, anyway. 144 00:20:57,002 --> 00:20:58,663 Well, l can see it. 145 00:21:02,274 --> 00:21:04,265 What is it? 146 00:21:05,277 --> 00:21:07,905 l don't know, but l don't like it. 147 00:21:22,528 --> 00:21:23,927 Pardon me, sir. 148 00:21:23,963 --> 00:21:25,453 lt's quite all right, fella. 149 00:21:25,497 --> 00:21:27,124 l'm so sorry. l beg your pardon. 150 00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:30,067 Come on over here, honey. We'll...try it over here. 151 00:21:30,102 --> 00:21:32,866 Right here, on the corner. This is an easy shot now. 152 00:21:32,905 --> 00:21:34,133 First things first. Get in the saddle. 153 00:21:34,173 --> 00:21:36,266 Just like l taught you, that's it. 154 00:21:36,308 --> 00:21:37,673 No, l feel silly because-- 155 00:21:37,710 --> 00:21:39,268 Oh, no, hon, you can do it this way. 156 00:21:39,311 --> 00:21:40,710 l was here the other day. 157 00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:42,646 Now, just relax, and you-- 158 00:21:44,216 --> 00:21:46,184 Just relax. Just-- 159 00:21:46,218 --> 00:21:48,550 Pay no attention to me, sir. l am merely spectating. 160 00:21:48,587 --> 00:21:50,077 Oh. Fine. 161 00:21:51,590 --> 00:21:54,150 l can see that you are an experienced player. 162 00:21:54,193 --> 00:21:56,787 One of the best, feller. 163 00:21:56,829 --> 00:21:58,296 Sir, excuse me. 164 00:21:58,330 --> 00:21:59,957 What is the name of a game... 165 00:21:59,999 --> 00:22:02,490 that has a multitude of colored balls like that? 166 00:22:02,534 --> 00:22:04,092 -Pool. -Poo? 167 00:22:04,136 --> 00:22:05,433 -What? -Poo? 168 00:22:05,471 --> 00:22:07,268 No, not poo. Pool. 169 00:22:07,306 --> 00:22:08,796 -Pool! -Pool. 170 00:22:08,841 --> 00:22:10,809 -Oh, like swimming pool. -You got it, honey. 171 00:22:10,843 --> 00:22:12,572 l never heard of a game called poo. 172 00:22:12,611 --> 00:22:13,839 Fine game. 173 00:22:13,879 --> 00:22:15,278 And so, what is the object of it-- 174 00:22:15,314 --> 00:22:18,306 to disperse these colored balls strategically around the table? 175 00:22:18,350 --> 00:22:20,978 Get the balls in the holes. All except for the white one. 176 00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:22,385 Oh, that is the art? 177 00:22:22,421 --> 00:22:24,048 The art is not to have the white one in? 178 00:22:24,089 --> 00:22:26,080 -Right. -Good. 179 00:22:26,125 --> 00:22:28,559 And how many people can play? One, two, three, or what? 180 00:22:28,594 --> 00:22:30,653 Oh, whole bunches, or twos and threes. 181 00:22:30,696 --> 00:22:32,220 With a group-- groups of people can play. 182 00:22:32,264 --> 00:22:33,629 By yourself. Yes. 183 00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:35,293 Thank goodness. How wonderful. 184 00:22:39,438 --> 00:22:41,963 Keep your eye on the white ball-- 185 00:22:48,047 --> 00:22:50,072 Oh, excuse me. 186 00:22:50,115 --> 00:22:52,811 Excuse me, sir, but... 187 00:22:52,851 --> 00:22:55,149 you are, are you not... 188 00:22:55,187 --> 00:22:57,849 Wyoming Bill Kelso, the famous film star? 189 00:22:57,890 --> 00:22:59,551 That's me, in the flesh. 190 00:22:59,591 --> 00:23:01,855 Oh, God, what a moment in my life. 191 00:23:01,894 --> 00:23:04,158 Oh, sir, l've seen every one of your films. 192 00:23:04,196 --> 00:23:06,426 Oh, well, that's wonderful! 193 00:23:07,533 --> 00:23:09,433 What a wonderful, strong grip you've got. 194 00:23:09,468 --> 00:23:10,628 Yes, l do. 195 00:23:10,669 --> 00:23:12,068 My goodness, l would have been disappointed... 196 00:23:12,104 --> 00:23:13,731 if you hadn't crushed my hand. 197 00:23:15,307 --> 00:23:17,036 Oh, listen. Will you do me the honor... 198 00:23:17,076 --> 00:23:18,304 to sign me an autograph? 199 00:23:18,343 --> 00:23:21,005 Oh, sure. Here, hold this. l'll be glad to. 200 00:23:21,046 --> 00:23:22,741 l am also in the acting profession, you know. 201 00:23:22,781 --> 00:23:24,806 -Oh, you are? -Yes, indeed. 202 00:23:24,850 --> 00:23:26,818 l am not in your quality, but l was around. 203 00:23:26,852 --> 00:23:28,820 Well, what's your name? 204 00:23:28,854 --> 00:23:31,482 Hrundi. H-r-u-n-d-i. 205 00:23:31,523 --> 00:23:33,252 Wait till l tell them at home that l met him. 206 00:23:33,292 --> 00:23:34,452 They'll never believe me. 207 00:23:34,493 --> 00:23:36,461 -Where you from? -l am from lndia. 208 00:23:36,495 --> 00:23:39,328 Got you covered, lnjun! 209 00:23:39,364 --> 00:23:42,891 How do you-- Bang! Howdy, pardner. 210 00:23:42,935 --> 00:23:44,527 Well, l'm pretty quick on the draw there, right? 211 00:23:44,570 --> 00:23:45,969 Never l believe in all my whole life... 212 00:23:46,004 --> 00:23:49,371 l would meet him, and he would go, ''Bang, pardner!'' 213 00:23:49,408 --> 00:23:50,705 Listen to me. 214 00:23:50,743 --> 00:23:54,577 ''White man speak with, uh, forked tongue!'' 215 00:23:54,613 --> 00:23:56,376 And look, mmm-mmm... 216 00:23:59,017 --> 00:24:01,281 You old horned toad, buddy! 217 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,719 Cute little feller, isn't he? 218 00:24:02,755 --> 00:24:04,222 l know all your sayings. l know all of them. 219 00:24:04,256 --> 00:24:06,281 Good. Hrundi, say hello-- 220 00:24:06,325 --> 00:24:08,725 The one where you walk along, and then you go-- 221 00:24:10,329 --> 00:24:11,819 Hrundi, say hello to Signorina here. 222 00:24:11,864 --> 00:24:13,092 Hello, partner. 223 00:24:13,132 --> 00:24:14,759 Piacere. 224 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,358 Bakshi. 225 00:24:16,401 --> 00:24:18,494 -There you go. -Oh, thank you. 226 00:24:18,537 --> 00:24:20,300 This is a wonderful thing you have done for me. 227 00:24:20,339 --> 00:24:21,499 My pleasure. 228 00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:23,633 Thank you, and l will-- thank you. 229 00:24:23,675 --> 00:24:25,734 l would love to say that it has been... 230 00:24:25,778 --> 00:24:27,871 the greatest moment in my life. 231 00:24:27,913 --> 00:24:31,747 Bang! Aha, got you! l was quick on the draw. 232 00:24:31,784 --> 00:24:34,651 You beat me that time, pal. That's right. 233 00:24:34,686 --> 00:24:37,849 -Goodness me. -Lots of luck to you. 234 00:24:37,890 --> 00:24:39,551 And the same to you, sir. 235 00:25:37,182 --> 00:25:38,672 Howdy, pardner! 236 00:26:37,676 --> 00:26:38,973 That was so groovy. 237 00:26:39,011 --> 00:26:40,979 -That was a short dance. -That's right. 238 00:26:41,013 --> 00:26:42,412 And they don't go on for long, do they? 239 00:26:42,447 --> 00:26:44,915 -No, they don't. -Yes, we just started, and-- 240 00:26:44,950 --> 00:26:46,247 Well, anyway, thank you very much. 241 00:26:46,285 --> 00:26:47,445 Thank you. 242 00:26:47,486 --> 00:26:49,852 Perhaps we can dance again later. 243 00:26:49,888 --> 00:26:52,118 lf your carnet du bal is not full up. 244 00:26:58,897 --> 00:27:01,024 Oh, l'd love to. Thank you. 245 00:27:03,402 --> 00:27:05,700 What is that ring on your finger, chopped liver? 246 00:27:10,108 --> 00:27:11,837 Hello, Polly. 247 00:27:13,779 --> 00:27:15,508 Pretty one. 248 00:27:15,547 --> 00:27:17,378 Hello. 249 00:27:17,416 --> 00:27:18,906 Would you like-- 250 00:27:18,951 --> 00:27:21,010 Would you like some food, Polly? 251 00:27:21,053 --> 00:27:22,884 Pretty Polly. 252 00:27:24,723 --> 00:27:26,247 Where is the--oh. 253 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:33,628 Birdie num num. 254 00:27:33,665 --> 00:27:35,963 -Hello. -Birdie num num. 255 00:27:37,536 --> 00:27:39,299 Have birdie num num. 256 00:27:40,772 --> 00:27:42,831 -Go on. -There were four of us. 257 00:27:42,874 --> 00:27:44,705 Four, yes. 258 00:27:44,743 --> 00:27:46,005 l'll give you a num num. 259 00:27:51,550 --> 00:27:54,383 He's having the birdie num nums. 260 00:27:56,021 --> 00:27:59,218 Sure, look. He's waiting for more num num. 261 00:27:59,257 --> 00:28:01,817 All gone. Num num is gone. 262 00:28:13,105 --> 00:28:16,302 Pretty Polly. 263 00:29:14,266 --> 00:29:15,665 Num-num. 264 00:29:16,968 --> 00:29:18,697 Birdie num-num. 265 00:29:22,774 --> 00:29:25,265 What in the world is that? 266 00:29:25,310 --> 00:29:26,504 l can't imagine. 267 00:29:34,553 --> 00:29:36,248 Howdy, partner. 268 00:30:13,191 --> 00:30:14,749 What is that?! 269 00:30:15,827 --> 00:30:17,419 What is that? 270 00:30:23,268 --> 00:30:24,895 Would you mind getting-- 271 00:30:38,450 --> 00:30:41,942 This is 469-6151. 272 00:30:41,987 --> 00:30:47,084 Please remain connected to the telephone. 273 00:30:47,125 --> 00:30:49,491 There is a call for you, sir. 274 00:30:49,528 --> 00:30:53,589 Please hold on to the connection. 275 00:30:53,632 --> 00:30:55,725 Please, one second. 276 00:30:55,767 --> 00:30:59,203 l wonder if you could-- 277 00:30:59,237 --> 00:31:01,671 Let me hold here. 278 00:31:01,706 --> 00:31:04,732 Could you just let my hand go? 279 00:31:04,776 --> 00:31:06,334 You've got my hand. Thank you. 280 00:31:06,378 --> 00:31:08,812 Now l take this from you. 281 00:31:08,847 --> 00:31:11,407 Hold on one moment. 282 00:31:12,617 --> 00:31:16,417 Oh. Excuse the mess up here. lt is birdie num-nums. 283 00:31:16,454 --> 00:31:20,618 Put them under my feet. 284 00:31:23,662 --> 00:31:25,960 Look. Just one second. 285 00:31:25,997 --> 00:31:28,329 lf you can take this around you... 286 00:31:32,370 --> 00:31:35,168 Just lift the ashtray, please. 287 00:31:35,207 --> 00:31:37,300 You're--you-- 288 00:31:37,342 --> 00:31:39,742 Yes. Thank you. 289 00:31:44,416 --> 00:31:45,713 Oh, Benny. 290 00:31:45,750 --> 00:31:50,744 Yeah, well, l'm having a few people in. 291 00:31:50,789 --> 00:31:52,120 The picture? 292 00:31:52,157 --> 00:31:56,685 lt was going fine until some idiot blew up the set. 293 00:32:02,167 --> 00:32:05,068 Vodka or scotch, sir? 294 00:32:05,103 --> 00:32:07,264 No, nothing, thank you. 295 00:32:41,906 --> 00:32:43,430 This picture's a very good one. 296 00:32:43,475 --> 00:32:45,204 -ls it? -lt's gonna be great. 297 00:32:45,243 --> 00:32:47,234 -Caviar? -No, thank you. 298 00:32:47,279 --> 00:32:50,248 -Sir? -l don't think so. Thanks. 299 00:33:05,897 --> 00:33:07,728 Eat, eh? 300 00:33:09,401 --> 00:33:10,561 Oh, eat. 301 00:33:10,602 --> 00:33:11,830 Sure, honey, we're gonna eat... 302 00:33:11,870 --> 00:33:13,497 but they gotta ring the little bell first. 303 00:33:13,538 --> 00:33:15,904 Bell? 304 00:33:15,940 --> 00:33:18,534 Bell. Dingy dingy. 305 00:33:18,576 --> 00:33:20,237 Ding? 306 00:33:20,278 --> 00:33:23,042 But first, let's have a little tiddly at the bar. 307 00:33:23,081 --> 00:33:25,549 -Hello. -Oh, howdy, little buddy. 308 00:33:28,887 --> 00:33:32,084 That's my old cowboy crusher. lnjun grip. 309 00:33:32,123 --> 00:33:35,615 Oh, you really crushed my old lndian hand. 310 00:33:35,660 --> 00:33:38,220 Sorta smarts, don't it? 311 00:33:38,263 --> 00:33:40,197 Friendliest little critter l ever met. 312 00:33:41,866 --> 00:33:43,800 lt's an honor to have had my hand crushed... 313 00:33:43,835 --> 00:33:46,429 by Wyoming Bill Kelso. 314 00:33:46,471 --> 00:33:49,907 Wait till l tell them back home. 315 00:34:09,928 --> 00:34:11,122 Can't... 316 00:34:24,342 --> 00:34:25,570 Pardon me. 317 00:34:25,610 --> 00:34:26,872 lt's OK. 318 00:34:41,559 --> 00:34:43,083 Hello. 319 00:34:43,128 --> 00:34:44,288 Hello. 320 00:34:44,329 --> 00:34:47,127 Oh, it was occupied. 321 00:34:49,033 --> 00:34:52,628 -Hrundi V. Bakshi. -Pardon? 322 00:34:52,670 --> 00:34:54,069 That is what my name is called. 323 00:34:54,105 --> 00:34:56,903 Oh! Michele Monet. 324 00:34:56,941 --> 00:34:59,774 Oh, how do you do? 325 00:34:59,811 --> 00:35:02,245 Are you having a good time? 326 00:35:03,248 --> 00:35:04,408 Good. 327 00:35:04,449 --> 00:35:05,814 Are you having a good time? 328 00:35:05,850 --> 00:35:08,944 Oh, yes. l am having a good time. 329 00:35:08,987 --> 00:35:13,515 lt's good to be having a good time. 330 00:35:16,261 --> 00:35:17,592 You're an actress? 331 00:35:18,730 --> 00:35:20,095 Oh, yes. l can tell. 332 00:35:20,131 --> 00:35:21,621 Oh? How? 333 00:35:21,666 --> 00:35:23,224 Because l am an actor. 334 00:35:23,268 --> 00:35:27,432 Actors can tell when actresses are actresses. 335 00:35:27,472 --> 00:35:30,839 lt is a thing that we have together. 336 00:35:30,875 --> 00:35:32,308 You are also French. l know that. 337 00:35:32,343 --> 00:35:34,334 -How do you know that? -Well, your name... 338 00:35:34,379 --> 00:35:35,778 and also the way you are speaking English. 339 00:35:35,814 --> 00:35:37,873 Oh, that's right. Do you speak French? 340 00:35:37,916 --> 00:35:40,942 Well, just enough to get myself into trouble. 341 00:35:40,985 --> 00:35:43,146 l'll tell you what l can say. 342 00:35:43,188 --> 00:35:44,815 Ou est la direction de la Tour Eiffel... 343 00:35:44,856 --> 00:35:46,084 s'il vous plait? 344 00:35:46,124 --> 00:35:47,557 -That's pretty good. -Thanks. 345 00:35:47,592 --> 00:35:50,390 -You do speak French. -You speak Hindustani? 346 00:35:50,428 --> 00:35:52,726 Well, you're not missing anything. 347 00:35:52,764 --> 00:35:54,288 Oh, dear. 348 00:35:54,332 --> 00:35:56,892 l am here at the moment taking part... 349 00:35:56,935 --> 00:35:58,698 in Mr. General Clutterbuck's... 350 00:35:58,736 --> 00:36:00,829 latest motion picture extravaganza. 351 00:36:00,872 --> 00:36:02,271 Oh, that's wonderful. 352 00:36:02,307 --> 00:36:03,535 lt is a main featured role... 353 00:36:03,575 --> 00:36:05,167 and l am very glad to have the opportunity... 354 00:36:05,210 --> 00:36:06,472 to come here and do it. 355 00:36:06,511 --> 00:36:08,570 -Congratulations. -Thank you. 356 00:36:08,613 --> 00:36:11,275 You are doing something in a movie? 357 00:36:11,316 --> 00:36:13,944 Working on a movie? 358 00:36:13,985 --> 00:36:17,421 But next week l'm doing a test for Mr. Divot. 359 00:36:17,455 --> 00:36:19,787 Oh, Mr. Divot. 360 00:36:19,824 --> 00:36:24,056 -What? -Oh, listen, l-- 361 00:36:24,095 --> 00:36:25,585 OK, let's get to the bar. 362 00:36:25,630 --> 00:36:28,895 -Mr. Divot, how do you do? -Yeah, right, fella. 363 00:36:28,933 --> 00:36:31,993 Good-bye. 364 00:36:33,838 --> 00:36:35,601 Who is that guy? 365 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:36,800 A very nice man... 366 00:36:36,841 --> 00:36:39,332 with a completely unpronounceable name. 367 00:36:39,377 --> 00:36:41,845 l know him from someplace. Well, how are you, General? 368 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,246 Remember Miss Michele Monet here? 369 00:36:44,282 --> 00:36:46,250 Have you heard her sing yet? We're giving her a test. 370 00:36:46,284 --> 00:36:47,444 She sings like a bird-- a nightingale. 371 00:36:47,485 --> 00:36:49,578 Fine. l'll look forward to that. 372 00:36:49,621 --> 00:36:51,816 We're going over to the bar to have a little nippy. 373 00:37:03,234 --> 00:37:05,634 -Dinner is served. -Good. 374 00:37:14,712 --> 00:37:16,145 Dinner is served. 375 00:37:42,740 --> 00:37:45,106 Alice, do you know where Miss Monet is sitting? 376 00:37:45,143 --> 00:37:46,474 Right around here, dear. 377 00:37:54,152 --> 00:37:55,642 Excuse me for a minute, sweetheart. 378 00:38:09,901 --> 00:38:13,166 Dear. l believe you're over there. 379 00:38:16,074 --> 00:38:17,336 Right down there. 380 00:38:20,111 --> 00:38:22,739 Here. Bakshi, right? 381 00:38:22,780 --> 00:38:24,941 Oh, yes. Mr. Bakshi. 382 00:38:24,983 --> 00:38:26,541 There's no chair. 383 00:38:26,584 --> 00:38:29,712 Oh, Mrs. Clutterbuck, everybody needs to move over. 384 00:38:29,754 --> 00:38:32,746 Darling, would you mind moving up just one? 385 00:38:54,412 --> 00:38:58,246 Hey, fella! l believe you've got my tiddly, there. 386 00:39:08,793 --> 00:39:10,317 l'm sorry, darling. 387 00:39:10,361 --> 00:39:12,921 You're gonna have to move back. A mistake. 388 00:39:12,964 --> 00:39:14,192 l'm awfully sorry. 389 00:39:14,232 --> 00:39:17,326 Levinson, will you get the gentleman a chair? 390 00:39:17,368 --> 00:39:19,302 No, it was a mistake. 391 00:39:19,337 --> 00:39:21,305 He's going to bring you a chair, and then you'll be all right. 392 00:39:21,339 --> 00:39:22,863 All right? Good. 393 00:39:33,651 --> 00:39:36,017 My goodness! What happened to your little face? 394 00:39:36,054 --> 00:39:37,282 Nothing, except that it is... 395 00:39:37,321 --> 00:39:39,687 somewhat nearer to the table now. 396 00:39:39,724 --> 00:39:42,488 My chair is lower than your chair. 397 00:39:57,709 --> 00:39:59,540 Do you like the strawberry soup? 398 00:39:59,577 --> 00:40:03,513 Oh, strawberry soup. l haven't had it lately. 399 00:40:03,548 --> 00:40:05,106 Lovely in the summer, don't you think? 400 00:40:05,149 --> 00:40:08,585 Yes, it's--oh. 401 00:40:08,619 --> 00:40:10,086 lt's lovely right now. 402 00:40:10,121 --> 00:40:12,112 Good. l'm so glad. 403 00:40:58,469 --> 00:41:03,133 Hey, give me some of that, will you, pal? 404 00:41:03,174 --> 00:41:04,903 How's the chow? 405 00:41:04,942 --> 00:41:08,207 lt's excellent. 406 00:41:28,966 --> 00:41:30,797 No wine, please. 407 00:41:33,838 --> 00:41:36,500 Please, no wine. 408 00:41:36,541 --> 00:41:38,634 l know you would like me to have it... 409 00:41:38,676 --> 00:41:40,200 but l don't want it. 410 00:41:40,244 --> 00:41:44,977 All right. l don't drink. l don't smoke. No wine. 411 00:42:09,207 --> 00:42:11,141 Are you all right? 412 00:42:11,175 --> 00:42:13,336 l'm so sorry. 413 00:42:17,281 --> 00:42:18,714 Yes, l will be perfectly all right. 414 00:42:18,749 --> 00:42:19,909 l won't be in anybody's way. 415 00:42:19,951 --> 00:42:21,111 Now, you're sure you're comfortable? 416 00:42:21,152 --> 00:42:23,211 Absolutely. l'm getting out of the way here... 417 00:42:23,254 --> 00:42:24,915 then the door won't bang me. 418 00:42:24,956 --> 00:42:27,390 All right. Excuse me. 419 00:42:34,799 --> 00:42:36,790 They should be finished with the soup by now. 420 00:42:36,834 --> 00:42:38,426 Get the plates. 421 00:43:23,514 --> 00:43:26,176 Mrs. Clutterbuck... shall l serve the salad? 422 00:43:46,137 --> 00:43:48,731 Excuse me, what are you doing?! 423 00:44:26,777 --> 00:44:28,438 Get in the kitchen. 424 00:44:31,849 --> 00:44:33,749 That is just outside Bombay. 425 00:44:33,784 --> 00:44:35,183 And Bombay is in lndia? 426 00:44:35,219 --> 00:44:37,585 Oh, that is very much in lndia, yes, indeed. 427 00:44:37,621 --> 00:44:40,112 And that is indeed the gateway to lndia. 428 00:44:40,157 --> 00:44:41,351 When all-- 429 00:44:47,898 --> 00:44:49,058 l think that one of these bearers... 430 00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:50,897 does not like the other one. 431 00:44:52,803 --> 00:44:56,034 You have a very hard time finding good help these days. 432 00:44:56,073 --> 00:44:58,268 Yes, you certainly do. 433 00:47:19,250 --> 00:47:21,150 Did you ever hear the one about the trapeze artist... 434 00:47:21,185 --> 00:47:22,345 who got divorced? 435 00:47:22,386 --> 00:47:23,717 Caught his wife in the act. 436 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:30,718 That's terribly funny. 437 00:47:30,761 --> 00:47:33,787 Yeah, it's been terribly funny for about twenty years. 438 00:49:14,798 --> 00:49:16,322 Please, no more drinking. 439 00:49:52,469 --> 00:49:54,061 Gore, are you sure it's all right? 440 00:49:54,104 --> 00:49:56,095 lt's not all right. lt's divine. 441 00:50:01,779 --> 00:50:03,747 You are too kind. 442 00:50:09,586 --> 00:50:11,349 lf you want to keep the women's vote... 443 00:50:11,388 --> 00:50:13,322 you've got to start with education. 444 00:50:13,357 --> 00:50:15,689 That's where you spend the most-- 445 00:50:16,827 --> 00:50:19,318 Oh, Mrs. Clutterbuck. 446 00:50:19,363 --> 00:50:21,194 Please, can l take this opportunity... 447 00:50:21,231 --> 00:50:22,789 to apologize to you formally... 448 00:50:22,833 --> 00:50:24,562 for what happened at the dining room table. 449 00:50:24,601 --> 00:50:27,399 Oh, my dear, just forget it. lt wasn't your fault. 450 00:50:27,438 --> 00:50:28,837 Thank God. What embarrassment. 451 00:50:28,872 --> 00:50:30,032 Oh, l know. 452 00:50:30,074 --> 00:50:33,237 lt was that ridiculous little chair they put you on. 453 00:50:33,277 --> 00:50:34,904 lt was awful, but at the same time... 454 00:50:34,945 --> 00:50:37,209 l feel that it is my duty to say this to you. 455 00:50:37,247 --> 00:50:39,841 l just think we should all forget all about it. 456 00:50:39,883 --> 00:50:41,043 lndeed, you are right... 457 00:50:41,085 --> 00:50:43,679 but before that l would also go to your husband... 458 00:50:43,721 --> 00:50:45,120 and say to him that l'm sorry. 459 00:50:45,155 --> 00:50:46,918 Oh, that's not necessary. Really. 460 00:50:46,957 --> 00:50:48,219 lt's on my conscience. 461 00:50:48,258 --> 00:50:50,317 Well, if you want to, go ahead. 462 00:50:50,361 --> 00:50:52,352 -Thank you. -All right. 463 00:51:01,271 --> 00:51:02,932 lt's a wonderful story. 464 00:51:10,848 --> 00:51:13,783 General, excellent aroma. 465 00:51:13,817 --> 00:51:15,717 Oh, l'm glad you like it. 466 00:51:15,753 --> 00:51:18,950 l still have a few left over from the pre-Castro days. 467 00:51:19,957 --> 00:51:21,117 General Clutterbuck. 468 00:51:21,158 --> 00:51:22,648 Sir. 469 00:51:22,693 --> 00:51:25,560 Please, l would like to formally apologize to you... 470 00:51:25,596 --> 00:51:28,588 for any inconvenience that l may have caused you... 471 00:51:28,632 --> 00:51:30,657 or your guests at the dining room table. 472 00:51:30,701 --> 00:51:32,066 lt's understandable. 473 00:51:32,102 --> 00:51:34,662 l'm very sorry, and it will never happen again... 474 00:51:34,705 --> 00:51:36,866 should you wish to have me on your list of guests... 475 00:51:36,907 --> 00:51:38,067 on some other occasion. 476 00:51:38,108 --> 00:51:39,268 lt's all right. 477 00:51:39,309 --> 00:51:40,936 When l saw what havoc that l wrought... 478 00:51:40,978 --> 00:51:43,208 my poor old knees went to water. 479 00:51:43,247 --> 00:51:45,772 -God, what a state l was in. -Yes, l can imagine. 480 00:51:45,816 --> 00:51:47,477 But now that l have apologized to you-- 481 00:51:47,518 --> 00:51:48,746 lt's all right. 482 00:51:48,786 --> 00:51:51,254 Spoken to your good lady, and l've told her, sir... 483 00:51:51,288 --> 00:51:53,620 that it is a terrible thing to have happened... 484 00:51:53,657 --> 00:51:55,056 and l'm sorry. 485 00:51:55,092 --> 00:51:57,424 -Deep down inside. -Enjoy yourself. 486 00:51:57,461 --> 00:51:58,621 -Thank you. -Enjoy. 487 00:51:58,662 --> 00:52:00,892 Thank you for listening to me. 488 00:52:00,931 --> 00:52:02,159 lt's all right. 489 00:52:02,199 --> 00:52:03,530 General, about this Wac. 490 00:52:03,567 --> 00:52:06,434 l asked her to go out with me one night. 491 00:52:06,470 --> 00:52:07,664 A Wac? 492 00:52:07,704 --> 00:52:09,399 She was a buck sergeant, too. 493 00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:11,806 We were going down Manila Bay. 494 00:52:39,870 --> 00:52:42,896 Brandy or creme de cocoa, sir? 495 00:54:29,179 --> 00:54:30,806 Oh, beg your pardon. 496 00:54:30,847 --> 00:54:32,974 lt's all right. 497 00:54:44,127 --> 00:54:46,220 lt is occupied. 498 00:54:53,303 --> 00:54:55,100 Speak Hindustani? 499 00:55:07,084 --> 00:55:09,279 Oh, excuse me, please. 500 00:56:22,125 --> 00:56:24,059 Hey, close the door, man. 501 00:56:54,458 --> 00:56:56,653 Look, l told the General you were gonna sing. 502 00:56:56,693 --> 00:56:58,854 Well, l'd rather not do it tonight. 503 00:56:58,895 --> 00:57:00,522 Why not? 504 00:57:00,564 --> 00:57:02,691 The orchestra is gone. 505 00:57:02,733 --> 00:57:05,702 Well, there's a guitar. You play the guitar? 506 00:57:05,736 --> 00:57:07,033 All right, then you play the guitar and you sing. 507 00:57:07,070 --> 00:57:08,298 That's all, honey. 508 00:57:08,338 --> 00:57:09,771 Hey, waiter, come over here. 509 00:57:09,806 --> 00:57:13,367 Look, you're gonna be a smash. Don't worry about a thing. 510 00:57:13,410 --> 00:57:14,570 Come here. 511 00:57:14,611 --> 00:57:17,136 See that guitar? Go get it. 512 00:57:17,180 --> 00:57:19,512 Get the guitar. 513 00:58:09,432 --> 00:58:12,560 Nothing to lose 514 00:58:12,602 --> 00:58:16,629 lf we are wise 515 00:58:16,673 --> 00:58:25,081 We're not expecting rainbow-colored skies 516 00:58:25,115 --> 00:58:27,743 Not right away 517 00:58:31,488 --> 00:58:38,758 Nothing to lose, it might be fun 518 00:58:38,795 --> 00:58:47,032 No talk of spending lifetimes in the sun 519 00:58:47,070 --> 00:58:51,029 Although we may 520 00:58:51,074 --> 00:58:59,539 Both you and l have seen what time can do 521 00:58:59,583 --> 00:59:02,643 We'll only hurt ourselves 522 00:59:02,686 --> 00:59:10,388 lf we build dreams that don't come true 523 00:59:10,427 --> 00:59:13,191 What can we lose? 524 00:59:13,230 --> 00:59:17,098 We know the score 525 00:59:17,133 --> 00:59:21,365 Let's wait before we talk 526 00:59:21,404 --> 00:59:25,636 Of evermore 527 00:59:25,675 --> 00:59:29,975 One day we may 528 00:59:30,013 --> 00:59:35,144 Nothing to lose, but much to gain 529 00:59:35,185 --> 00:59:42,785 lf love decides to stay 530 00:59:47,397 --> 00:59:55,771 Both you and l have seen what time can do 531 00:59:55,805 --> 00:59:59,002 We'll only hurt ourselves 532 00:59:59,042 --> 01:00:05,538 lf we build dreams that don't come true 533 01:00:05,582 --> 01:00:09,484 What can we lose? 534 01:00:09,519 --> 01:00:13,751 We know the score 535 01:00:13,790 --> 01:00:17,453 Let's wait before we talk 536 01:00:17,494 --> 01:00:22,056 Of evermore 537 01:00:22,098 --> 01:00:26,194 One day we may 538 01:00:26,236 --> 01:00:31,037 Nothing to lose, but much to gain 539 01:00:31,074 --> 01:00:39,106 lf love decides to stay 540 01:00:39,149 --> 01:00:43,483 Nothing to lose 541 01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:45,784 Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm 542 01:01:00,770 --> 01:01:02,362 Well, how do you like her, General? 543 01:01:02,405 --> 01:01:04,396 -All right. Very good. -How do you like her, Bernie? 544 01:01:04,441 --> 01:01:05,931 She's great! 545 01:01:05,976 --> 01:01:07,409 l think she's really great. 546 01:01:17,587 --> 01:01:18,781 Hi. 547 01:01:27,931 --> 01:01:30,365 All right, you win, partner. 548 01:01:32,469 --> 01:01:35,302 l'm telling you, he loved you. He thought you were terrific. 549 01:01:35,338 --> 01:01:36,828 We talked about it after you finished the number. 550 01:01:36,873 --> 01:01:38,135 He was very impressed. 551 01:01:38,174 --> 01:01:39,334 He thought you were beautiful, you know? 552 01:01:39,376 --> 01:01:41,276 So tomorrow will be just a formality, the test. 553 01:01:41,311 --> 01:01:43,802 We want to see what you look like on film, that's all. 554 01:01:43,847 --> 01:01:45,815 Trust me. Will you just trust me? 555 01:01:45,849 --> 01:01:47,476 Here, we can talk. lt's a little quieter in here. 556 01:01:47,517 --> 01:01:49,417 Oh, Charlie, this is the bedroom. 557 01:01:49,452 --> 01:01:51,511 Oh, this is the bedroom. 558 01:01:51,554 --> 01:01:52,851 Come on, let's sit over there, baby. 559 01:01:52,889 --> 01:01:54,823 -l wanna tell you something. -Why don't we go downstairs? 560 01:01:54,858 --> 01:01:57,258 Too much noise downstairs. Let's just sit on the bed. Sit. 561 01:01:57,293 --> 01:01:58,783 Look, why do you think l brought you to the party? 562 01:01:58,828 --> 01:02:01,820 Let's sit down. That's it. That's a good girl. 563 01:02:02,999 --> 01:02:04,694 lt's what l brought you to the party for. 564 01:02:04,734 --> 01:02:06,292 Just one little kiss. 565 01:02:06,336 --> 01:02:08,327 Don't do that. Let's go. Charlie! 566 01:02:12,142 --> 01:02:14,235 -Give me my gun. -Thank you, partner. 567 01:02:15,612 --> 01:02:17,512 Where you going? 568 01:02:17,547 --> 01:02:19,208 Attention! 569 01:02:20,383 --> 01:02:21,680 Oh, God. 570 01:02:21,718 --> 01:02:23,379 Just forget it. 571 01:02:29,893 --> 01:02:32,555 Knock it off and hit the sack! 572 01:02:41,237 --> 01:02:42,670 Cookie! 573 01:07:13,743 --> 01:07:15,005 Wait. 574 01:07:19,782 --> 01:07:21,340 Who's in the head? 575 01:08:14,604 --> 01:08:16,731 Help! Somebody! 576 01:08:17,740 --> 01:08:21,403 Help, anybody! 577 01:08:21,444 --> 01:08:24,709 Please, come and help me. Somebody's in the pool. 578 01:08:24,747 --> 01:08:26,044 Honey, what can l do for you? 579 01:08:26,082 --> 01:08:28,482 -Hurry up, please. lt's-- -Oh, hey, little buddy! 580 01:08:28,518 --> 01:08:30,486 American aid, partner. 581 01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:32,647 Great night for a dip. You know that little fella... 582 01:08:32,688 --> 01:08:35,179 just has a heap of talent wherever he goes. 583 01:08:35,224 --> 01:08:37,749 He's drowning? Buddy, you drowning? 584 01:08:38,961 --> 01:08:41,725 Great leapin' pollywogs, that little gal can swim ! 585 01:08:41,764 --> 01:08:44,927 Get him, gal! Grab him by the wigwam ! 586 01:08:44,967 --> 01:08:46,400 l'll wait right here for ya! 587 01:08:46,436 --> 01:08:49,098 Come on, honey, bring him over here. 588 01:08:49,138 --> 01:08:51,766 Get ahold of him. Get out of there. 589 01:08:51,808 --> 01:08:54,276 Here we go. Come on, little buddy. 590 01:09:11,227 --> 01:09:12,956 Bartender, we've been fishin'. 591 01:09:12,995 --> 01:09:14,189 Caught ourselves a little lnjun here. 592 01:09:14,230 --> 01:09:16,425 Oh, God, he's gonna catch a death of cold. 593 01:09:16,466 --> 01:09:17,865 Oh, no, l don't drink. 594 01:09:17,900 --> 01:09:19,765 Come on. Good, just a little. 595 01:09:19,802 --> 01:09:22,600 There we go. Right down the old hatch. 596 01:09:22,638 --> 01:09:25,106 There you go, that'll straighten you right out. 597 01:09:25,141 --> 01:09:26,540 You'll feel better, huh? 598 01:09:26,576 --> 01:09:29,067 -But l don't drink. -You need a little more. 599 01:09:29,111 --> 01:09:30,578 There you go, huh? 600 01:09:30,613 --> 01:09:31,773 That straighten you out all right? 601 01:09:31,814 --> 01:09:32,974 How 'bout a little more? 602 01:09:33,015 --> 01:09:34,277 No, l'm perfectly all right now. 603 01:09:34,317 --> 01:09:35,909 All right, good. 604 01:09:35,952 --> 01:09:37,351 Oh, up! Got him. 605 01:09:37,386 --> 01:09:38,978 Looks like little buddy went bye-bye. 606 01:09:39,021 --> 01:09:40,784 Get ahold of him, Bill. You got him? 607 01:09:40,823 --> 01:09:44,384 Hang on, here we go! 608 01:09:44,427 --> 01:09:46,156 Poor darling, l'm so sorry. 609 01:09:46,195 --> 01:09:48,595 You stay there and, well, l don't know what we can do. 610 01:09:48,631 --> 01:09:51,828 But perhaps we can at least dry it out for you. 611 01:09:51,868 --> 01:09:54,098 Oh, dear, honestly. 612 01:09:55,338 --> 01:09:56,828 Come in! 613 01:09:56,873 --> 01:09:58,306 This tie looks like a salamander's tongue... 614 01:09:58,341 --> 01:10:00,935 that got stepped on. Oh, hiya, honey. 615 01:10:00,977 --> 01:10:02,137 ls he all right? 616 01:10:02,178 --> 01:10:03,406 Oh, he's all right. He's just a little wet. 617 01:10:03,446 --> 01:10:05,004 You got some dry duds we can put on him? 618 01:10:05,047 --> 01:10:06,537 Oh, surely, yes. l'll get something of Fred's. 619 01:10:06,582 --> 01:10:07,844 l sure would appreciate that. 620 01:10:09,986 --> 01:10:11,578 Here, darling, put this on him. 621 01:10:11,621 --> 01:10:14,146 Oh, thank you very much, ma'am. 622 01:10:14,190 --> 01:10:17,751 l love the wet clothes! Thank you for a marvelous party! 623 01:10:17,793 --> 01:10:18,987 Let's go, buddy. 624 01:10:21,230 --> 01:10:23,255 Fred, darling, l had to loan him your terry. 625 01:10:23,299 --> 01:10:25,631 He's soaking wet. This is hers, not his. 626 01:10:25,668 --> 01:10:27,329 Oh, and, darling, do hurry 627 01:10:27,370 --> 01:10:29,361 because the Russians will be here any minute! 628 01:10:29,405 --> 01:10:30,565 The Russians? 629 01:10:30,606 --> 01:10:32,972 The dancers, darling, the ballet. 630 01:10:39,515 --> 01:10:40,846 Come on, sidekick. 631 01:10:43,185 --> 01:10:46,052 Now, what's-- Kelso, would you mind? 632 01:10:46,088 --> 01:10:47,453 What are you doing up there? 633 01:10:47,490 --> 01:10:49,651 -l am not doing anything. -You're wetting the bed. 634 01:10:49,692 --> 01:10:51,660 -l'm not wetting the bed. -Yes, you are. lt's wet. 635 01:10:51,694 --> 01:10:54,162 My clothes are wetting the bed. l am not wetting the bed. 636 01:10:54,196 --> 01:10:55,493 This is the big chief here. 637 01:10:55,531 --> 01:10:58,193 Oh, big chief speak with forked tongue. 638 01:10:58,234 --> 01:11:00,293 Try to get his clothes off. 639 01:11:00,336 --> 01:11:04,170 l'll hold him, boss. You get his pants down. 640 01:11:04,206 --> 01:11:06,470 All right, come here. Don't do that, no. 641 01:11:06,509 --> 01:11:08,340 Come here, lovely man. l love you! 642 01:11:08,377 --> 01:11:10,368 l got something dry over here. 643 01:11:10,413 --> 01:11:13,382 Listen, you take off-- 644 01:11:13,416 --> 01:11:15,577 Hey, he invited me. 645 01:11:15,618 --> 01:11:18,610 We'll take off your clothes, and you take off... 646 01:11:20,823 --> 01:11:22,723 Have you got him? 647 01:11:22,758 --> 01:11:24,350 Loosen his belt, Kelso. 648 01:11:24,393 --> 01:11:26,190 l'm trying, sir. 649 01:11:26,228 --> 01:11:28,287 For crying out loud, let's get 'em off. 650 01:11:31,367 --> 01:11:32,994 Get up off the floor. 651 01:11:33,035 --> 01:11:35,401 l got him ! Come on there! 652 01:11:38,808 --> 01:11:40,400 Oh, you naughty boy. 653 01:11:40,443 --> 01:11:43,105 Now, here, put this on. Put these on. 654 01:11:43,145 --> 01:11:44,305 Wait! 655 01:11:44,347 --> 01:11:45,644 Come on now. Can you handle it? 656 01:11:45,681 --> 01:11:49,082 -l have to go downstairs. -All right. l'll handle it. 657 01:11:49,118 --> 01:11:50,585 Partner, why do you want-- 658 01:11:50,620 --> 01:11:52,884 Little sidekick, put these dry clothes on. 659 01:11:52,922 --> 01:11:55,550 All right, l will put them on. And then l'll-- 660 01:11:55,591 --> 01:11:57,957 Good idea. l gotta get downstairs... 661 01:11:57,994 --> 01:12:00,189 before Conchita cools off. 662 01:12:00,229 --> 01:12:01,821 You come downstairs with wet clothes on... 663 01:12:01,864 --> 01:12:04,094 l'm gonna stomp you and the horse you ride in on. 664 01:12:04,133 --> 01:12:05,361 You got that? 665 01:12:05,401 --> 01:12:07,369 Tongue buddy, partner buddy. 666 01:12:07,403 --> 01:12:09,098 l'll see ya, little buddy. 667 01:12:10,306 --> 01:12:13,434 Oh, you got me right in the pantaloons, partner. 668 01:12:13,476 --> 01:12:15,341 Adios! 669 01:12:15,378 --> 01:12:17,141 Hold on, Conchita! l'm comin'! 670 01:12:17,179 --> 01:12:19,170 Adios, partner. 671 01:12:23,552 --> 01:12:25,543 l do like these Americans. 672 01:12:25,588 --> 01:12:27,522 They really are... 673 01:14:05,621 --> 01:14:06,883 Hello. 674 01:14:11,060 --> 01:14:13,153 Hello. 675 01:14:13,195 --> 01:14:16,255 You're having some difficulty? 676 01:14:19,769 --> 01:14:21,100 You sure? 677 01:14:25,508 --> 01:14:29,501 Well. Excuse me. 678 01:14:42,391 --> 01:14:43,688 You know that l don't think... 679 01:14:43,726 --> 01:14:46,627 you're being entirely honest with me? 680 01:15:01,210 --> 01:15:03,508 We have a saying in lndia. 681 01:15:11,987 --> 01:15:13,249 Well? 682 01:15:13,289 --> 01:15:15,553 Well, what? 683 01:15:21,230 --> 01:15:25,599 You were saying something about a saying. 684 01:15:29,738 --> 01:15:32,605 What is it? 685 01:15:38,247 --> 01:15:40,181 ''Wisdom... 686 01:15:40,216 --> 01:15:43,515 ''is the province of the aged... 687 01:15:43,552 --> 01:15:47,648 ''but the heart of a child is pure.'' 688 01:15:50,593 --> 01:15:52,390 That's very pretty. 689 01:15:54,430 --> 01:15:56,591 l'm not sure l know what it means. 690 01:15:58,334 --> 01:16:00,234 Neither do l. 691 01:16:03,105 --> 01:16:06,506 What does it have to do with me? 692 01:16:06,542 --> 01:16:09,534 Well, it has everything to do with you. 693 01:16:09,578 --> 01:16:11,944 For one thing, you see, it stopped you crying. 694 01:16:11,981 --> 01:16:14,347 lt's true. l feel better. 695 01:16:14,383 --> 01:16:15,782 Thank you very much. 696 01:16:15,818 --> 01:16:18,844 Don't thank me. Thank my saying. 697 01:16:18,888 --> 01:16:20,219 Thank you, saying. 698 01:16:21,390 --> 01:16:24,052 Do you want to hear another one of my sayings? 699 01:16:24,093 --> 01:16:25,390 This is a particularly good one... 700 01:16:25,427 --> 01:16:27,156 because it will help you always to remember... 701 01:16:27,196 --> 01:16:29,630 how many days there are in each month. 702 01:16:29,665 --> 01:16:32,259 lt goes like this: ''Thirty days hath September... 703 01:16:32,301 --> 01:16:34,269 ''October, June, and February. 704 01:16:34,303 --> 01:16:36,294 ''All the rest got twenty-nine... 705 01:16:36,338 --> 01:16:39,398 ''except my brother who got six months.'' 706 01:16:43,812 --> 01:16:47,475 Just what l thought. 707 01:16:47,516 --> 01:16:49,279 l've been looking all over for ya. 708 01:16:49,318 --> 01:16:51,115 Go get your clothes, we're gonna leave. 709 01:16:51,153 --> 01:16:52,984 Oh, l don't think so. 710 01:16:53,022 --> 01:16:54,649 Look, you came with me, you're gonna leave with me. 711 01:16:54,690 --> 01:16:56,555 Now get your clothes. 712 01:16:56,592 --> 01:16:57,752 No. 713 01:16:57,793 --> 01:16:59,988 Don't say no to me. Now get your stuff. 714 01:17:00,029 --> 01:17:02,293 -Go on! -Mr. Divot, please-- 715 01:17:02,331 --> 01:17:04,458 Look, will you stay out of this, buddy. 716 01:17:04,500 --> 01:17:06,695 lf Miss Monet wishes to remain, that is her right. 717 01:17:06,735 --> 01:17:08,362 Just who do you think you are? 718 01:17:08,404 --> 01:17:10,031 ln lndia, we don't think who we are... 719 01:17:10,072 --> 01:17:11,232 we know who we are. 720 01:17:11,273 --> 01:17:12,433 You're meshugah! 721 01:17:12,474 --> 01:17:13,998 l am not your sugar. 722 01:17:15,344 --> 01:17:16,834 OK, look, baby, you decide. 723 01:17:16,879 --> 01:17:18,847 You wanna come with me, or you wanna stay with this guy? 724 01:17:18,881 --> 01:17:20,075 l want to stay. 725 01:17:20,115 --> 01:17:23,642 You're gonna stay with him, huh? 726 01:17:23,686 --> 01:17:25,551 Nobody ever does this to me! 727 01:17:25,587 --> 01:17:26,781 You hear that? 728 01:17:26,822 --> 01:17:28,449 And forget about that test tomorrow, baby. 729 01:17:28,490 --> 01:17:30,583 You're finished in this business before you even start! 730 01:17:30,626 --> 01:17:32,423 You're wiped out! You're finished! 731 01:17:37,533 --> 01:17:41,367 That was a short career, wasn't it? 732 01:17:41,403 --> 01:17:43,963 Oh, don't worry about that. 733 01:17:45,874 --> 01:17:49,537 l better find something to put on and call a cab. 734 01:17:49,578 --> 01:17:51,478 No, don't call a cab. 735 01:17:51,513 --> 01:17:52,912 Stay at the party and after... 736 01:17:52,948 --> 01:17:55,416 l'll take you home in my three-wheeler Morgan. 737 01:17:55,451 --> 01:17:57,646 No, that would be nice, but l can't stay. 738 01:17:57,686 --> 01:17:58,914 Why not? 739 01:18:00,155 --> 01:18:03,318 l got myself into a funny situation. 740 01:18:03,359 --> 01:18:06,226 What, with old Divot? 741 01:18:06,261 --> 01:18:08,354 ls that why you were crying? 742 01:18:08,397 --> 01:18:10,490 Yes, but it's not really his fault. 743 01:18:10,532 --> 01:18:12,159 He's a terrible man. 744 01:18:12,201 --> 01:18:14,863 Please, stay at the party. Let's have a wonderful time. 745 01:18:14,903 --> 01:18:17,633 l'd love to, really, but l have nothing to wear. 746 01:18:17,673 --> 01:18:20,471 That's no problem. They have millions of clothes here. 747 01:18:20,509 --> 01:18:23,672 And anyway...l've got an idea. 748 01:18:29,618 --> 01:18:30,846 Who goes there? 749 01:18:30,886 --> 01:18:33,446 Mr. Bakshi and a damsel in distress. 750 01:18:33,489 --> 01:18:35,252 What do you want? 751 01:18:35,290 --> 01:18:37,588 You look like a man of the world. 752 01:18:37,626 --> 01:18:40,686 This poor lady is urgently in need of some dry clothing. 753 01:18:40,729 --> 01:18:43,755 And l perceive that you are both approximately the same size. 754 01:21:15,717 --> 01:21:17,582 Marvelous! Just marvelous! 755 01:21:17,619 --> 01:21:20,452 Everyone, let's have a toast for our wonderful friends. 756 01:21:48,150 --> 01:21:52,917 Fred, we need to move the bar. 757 01:21:52,955 --> 01:21:54,855 Oh, l know how to do that. l'll do that for you. 758 01:21:54,890 --> 01:21:57,051 Oh, no, l'd rather do it myself. 759 01:21:57,092 --> 01:21:59,026 Fred, stop him. 760 01:22:54,816 --> 01:22:56,044 Come on, it's fine. 761 01:22:56,084 --> 01:22:57,517 Molly, are you sure it's all right? 762 01:22:57,552 --> 01:23:00,020 Yes, will you please come? lt's fine! 763 01:23:00,055 --> 01:23:01,545 But your mother's having a party. 764 01:23:01,590 --> 01:23:02,989 Can you think of a better time to shake 'em up? 765 01:23:03,025 --> 01:23:05,516 You've done some pretty stupid things in your life, but this-- 766 01:23:05,560 --> 01:23:07,187 Wow! What a house! 767 01:23:25,480 --> 01:23:26,947 Hi. 768 01:23:36,458 --> 01:23:38,688 -Hello, Mom. -Oh, darling! 769 01:23:38,727 --> 01:23:40,285 l thought you were out protesting. 770 01:23:40,329 --> 01:23:42,490 No, it's a love-in. l wanted you to meet some of my friends. 771 01:23:42,531 --> 01:23:45,398 l can't now, darling. l've got all these wet Russians. 772 01:23:45,434 --> 01:23:47,902 But l'll come back, and l'll meet your friends. 773 01:23:47,936 --> 01:23:51,838 Oh, there they are over there. 774 01:24:00,515 --> 01:24:02,710 General, your wife just fell in the pool. 775 01:24:02,751 --> 01:24:04,412 Get her jewelry. 776 01:24:07,222 --> 01:24:08,849 Molly, what was that? 777 01:24:08,890 --> 01:24:10,221 An elephant. 778 01:24:10,258 --> 01:24:14,456 An elephant?! Oh, my God! 779 01:24:14,496 --> 01:24:17,465 Molly, how could you do this? This is perfectly dreadful! 780 01:24:17,499 --> 01:24:19,262 Well, l didn't mean to offend you. 781 01:24:19,301 --> 01:24:20,461 Now, listen here, young lady... 782 01:24:20,502 --> 01:24:22,197 you get that elephant out of this house! 783 01:24:22,237 --> 01:24:25,104 Yes. Oh, Mother! 784 01:24:35,183 --> 01:24:37,151 -Hello. -Hello. 785 01:24:37,185 --> 01:24:38,345 How are you? 786 01:24:38,387 --> 01:24:39,547 l'm all right. ls this your elephant? 787 01:24:39,588 --> 01:24:40,816 Yeah. This is Jongo. 788 01:24:40,856 --> 01:24:43,290 You've done a proper old paint job on this, haven't you? 789 01:24:43,325 --> 01:24:44,485 What's wrong with it? 790 01:24:44,526 --> 01:24:45,754 You should be ashamed of yourself. 791 01:24:45,794 --> 01:24:47,489 -Why? -This is a symbol of my country. 792 01:24:47,529 --> 01:24:48,962 Don't you paint them in lndia? 793 01:24:48,997 --> 01:24:52,364 Yes, but we don't paint slogans all over them. 794 01:24:52,401 --> 01:24:54,494 Look, he has got ''the world is flat'' on his forehead... 795 01:24:54,536 --> 01:24:56,367 ''Socrates eats hemlock'' on the side... 796 01:24:56,405 --> 01:24:58,498 and ''go naked'' all over his bum. 797 01:24:58,540 --> 01:24:59,768 l'm terribly sorry. 798 01:24:59,808 --> 01:25:01,503 We didn't mean to be disrespectful. 799 01:25:01,543 --> 01:25:03,738 l know, but it's humiliating. They know, you know. 800 01:25:03,779 --> 01:25:05,440 l mean, how would you like it if an lndian person... 801 01:25:05,480 --> 01:25:07,641 such as myself came along and drew... 802 01:25:07,682 --> 01:25:09,115 a mustache and a beard on your Lady Bird. 803 01:25:09,151 --> 01:25:10,641 lt's the same thing, isn't it? 804 01:25:10,685 --> 01:25:12,710 l'm awfully sorry. What do you suggest we do? 805 01:25:12,754 --> 01:25:15,188 -Get some water and wash it off. -Wash it? 806 01:25:15,223 --> 01:25:17,453 Wash it, scrub it, get it off. 807 01:25:17,492 --> 01:25:19,255 Hey, gang! 808 01:25:19,294 --> 01:25:20,886 We're gonna wash the elephant. 809 01:25:20,929 --> 01:25:23,261 What do you mean wash the elephant? 810 01:26:52,721 --> 01:26:56,122 All right! That's it! Get out! 811 01:27:13,174 --> 01:27:16,769 Wash it off! Get it all off! 812 01:27:16,845 --> 01:27:18,938 Bakshi! 813 01:27:21,883 --> 01:27:23,714 l knew l knew that guy! 814 01:27:23,752 --> 01:27:25,652 l knew it! 815 01:27:33,094 --> 01:27:35,824 Hello? Buggercult--l-- 816 01:27:35,864 --> 01:27:37,695 l wanna talk to the General. This is C.S. Divot. 817 01:27:39,234 --> 01:27:42,328 No! You cannot-- 818 01:27:42,370 --> 01:27:44,099 What's going on there? 819 01:27:49,377 --> 01:27:50,969 Paint on the ear. 820 01:27:53,882 --> 01:27:57,409 Do you believe that child of mine bringing home an elephant? 821 01:27:57,452 --> 01:27:59,352 -Dirty. -Oh, really! 822 01:28:02,591 --> 01:28:04,650 All right, that got it! 823 01:28:04,693 --> 01:28:07,491 That's enough. We take him outside now. 824 01:28:07,529 --> 01:28:10,327 And wash all the soap off. 825 01:28:33,755 --> 01:28:37,156 Oh, what do you suppose that awful racket is? 826 01:28:37,192 --> 01:28:39,183 -l'll be right back. -Darling, l'm not finished. 827 01:28:39,227 --> 01:28:42,424 l've got to see. God only knows what's happening now. 828 01:28:49,237 --> 01:28:51,899 Mom, what are you doing? 829 01:28:56,111 --> 01:28:59,046 You and me gotta find someplace to be alone. 830 01:29:02,917 --> 01:29:05,886 Wells, save the paintings! 831 01:29:17,132 --> 01:29:19,123 Oh, Mom, are you all right? 832 01:29:28,209 --> 01:29:31,337 Get the paintings! Don't stand there! 833 01:29:36,518 --> 01:29:41,854 l should never, ever in all my life... 834 01:30:03,044 --> 01:30:05,103 Not that one, you idiot! Just the good stuff. 835 01:30:05,146 --> 01:30:06,613 Put it back. 836 01:31:05,240 --> 01:31:06,673 We gotta get this stuff out of here. 837 01:31:06,708 --> 01:31:09,268 -Turn on the air conditioner. -l'll never make it. 838 01:31:09,310 --> 01:31:10,607 There's a control in the master bedroom. 839 01:31:10,645 --> 01:31:12,670 -Go get it on. -Yes, sir. 840 01:33:11,099 --> 01:33:12,464 Just a minute, sir. 841 01:33:12,500 --> 01:33:14,525 Hey, look, l'm C.S. Divot, the producer. 842 01:33:14,569 --> 01:33:15,797 l'm a friend of Mr. Clutterbuck's. 843 01:33:15,837 --> 01:33:16,997 l gotta tell him something right away. 844 01:33:17,038 --> 01:33:18,198 Divot, C.S.? 845 01:33:18,239 --> 01:33:19,467 That's right, buddy. Thanks. Divot. 846 01:33:19,507 --> 01:33:22,305 Hey, what's with the ambulance here? 847 01:33:26,347 --> 01:33:29,282 Honey, let's go stroll in the straw, huh? 848 01:33:29,317 --> 01:33:31,217 You're a little late, mac. 849 01:33:31,252 --> 01:33:33,914 What the hell is going on around here? 850 01:33:35,556 --> 01:33:38,855 Do you believe it? The party isn't over! 851 01:33:38,893 --> 01:33:40,053 Hey, General! 852 01:33:40,094 --> 01:33:41,686 l don't even know how the hell it got started. 853 01:33:41,729 --> 01:33:44,698 We gotta put something in our report. 854 01:33:44,732 --> 01:33:46,893 General, l gotta tell you something. 855 01:33:46,935 --> 01:33:48,562 lt was crazy. You should've-- 856 01:33:48,603 --> 01:33:49,968 Alice, baby, are you all right? 857 01:33:50,004 --> 01:33:51,164 Do you feel better? 858 01:33:51,205 --> 01:33:54,368 Oh, l'm fine! l'm going to be in the aquacade. 859 01:33:54,409 --> 01:33:56,707 That's nice. Don't drop her. 860 01:33:56,744 --> 01:33:58,177 Congressman, Mrs. Dunphy... 861 01:33:58,212 --> 01:34:00,840 l don't know how to tell you-- 862 01:34:00,882 --> 01:34:02,247 lt's quite all right. 863 01:34:02,283 --> 01:34:04,444 Call me if there's anything l can do. 864 01:34:12,427 --> 01:34:14,987 Mr. Clutterbuck... 865 01:34:15,029 --> 01:34:18,726 May l apologize to you for the discomfort-- 866 01:34:18,766 --> 01:34:19,994 lt's all right. 867 01:34:20,034 --> 01:34:21,331 General, it's him ! 868 01:34:21,369 --> 01:34:23,599 -Who? -Bakshi! 869 01:34:23,638 --> 01:34:25,970 The idiot who blew up the location! 870 01:34:27,141 --> 01:34:29,473 General, you got the wrong guy! 871 01:34:36,985 --> 01:34:38,612 Hey, little buddy, hold on a minute. 872 01:34:38,653 --> 01:34:40,280 Here's one of my old Stetsons. 873 01:34:40,321 --> 01:34:42,084 Look at that. lt just fits. 874 01:34:42,123 --> 01:34:45,183 And here's an autographed picture of me and my horse Fang. 875 01:35:35,043 --> 01:35:36,943 This is where l live. 876 01:35:36,978 --> 01:35:38,969 You have a beautiful home. 877 01:35:40,915 --> 01:35:44,544 l would ask you to come up, but it's a little late. 878 01:35:44,585 --> 01:35:46,576 Or early. l don't know. 879 01:35:48,122 --> 01:35:51,353 Anyway, l have to get back to feed Apu. 880 01:35:51,392 --> 01:35:53,622 -Apu? -Yes, my monkey. 881 01:35:53,661 --> 01:35:56,630 Oh. lt's a lovely name. 882 01:35:56,664 --> 01:35:59,633 For a monkey, anyway. 883 01:35:59,667 --> 01:36:02,033 -He's used to it by now, anyway. -Oh, good. 884 01:36:05,807 --> 01:36:07,832 l would like to say that... 885 01:36:07,875 --> 01:36:09,672 l enjoyed myself very much last night. 886 01:36:09,710 --> 01:36:12,304 l did, too, very much. 887 01:36:12,346 --> 01:36:15,474 Especially l thought that your song was very beautiful. 888 01:36:15,516 --> 01:36:17,643 -You did? -Yes. 889 01:36:17,685 --> 01:36:19,016 Thank you. 890 01:36:23,291 --> 01:36:24,519 Good-bye. 891 01:36:24,559 --> 01:36:25,856 Good-bye. 892 01:36:25,893 --> 01:36:27,724 Oh, here's your hat. 893 01:36:27,762 --> 01:36:31,391 Oh, look. You keep it. 894 01:36:31,432 --> 01:36:34,526 But you may need it. 895 01:36:34,569 --> 01:36:37,333 No, l'd like you to keep it. 896 01:36:37,371 --> 01:36:39,601 All right. 897 01:36:39,640 --> 01:36:42,666 lf you think that you should want it or need it sometimes... 898 01:36:42,710 --> 01:36:44,940 Well, if l need it... 899 01:36:44,979 --> 01:36:48,540 l could always come, perhaps, and pick it up. 900 01:36:48,583 --> 01:36:50,278 That would be very nice. 901 01:36:50,318 --> 01:36:54,311 When would you be available for me to pick up my hat? 902 01:36:56,524 --> 01:36:58,754 Maybe next week. 903 01:36:58,793 --> 01:37:01,091 l'll come and get it then. 904 01:37:01,129 --> 01:37:03,097 For l'd love to have my hat back. 905 01:37:03,131 --> 01:37:04,359 Good-bye. 906 01:37:04,398 --> 01:37:05,626 Bye-bye.