1 00:04:10,564 --> 00:04:12,722 You there, which way to Pepperinge Eye? 2 00:04:12,816 --> 00:04:16,731 Couldn't say, sir. It said on the wireless to paint out the signposts 3 00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:19,490 in case the Nazis drop in. 4 00:04:19,573 --> 00:04:21,945 I'm not a Nazi! I'm a British officer! 5 00:04:22,034 --> 00:04:26,032 That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi, isn't it, sir? 6 00:04:26,121 --> 00:04:28,280 Drive on, corporal. 7 00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:51,854 Sorry to give you so many but you do have six bedrooms. 8 00:04:51,939 --> 00:04:54,809 No trouble. Anything to get the poor things away 9 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:57,901 from those terrible bombings in London. 10 00:05:00,948 --> 00:05:03,617 What about us? 11 00:05:03,701 --> 00:05:06,618 - Oh, yes. What is your name? - Rawlins, ma'am. 12 00:05:08,789 --> 00:05:11,410 Oh, yes. Here we are. Carrie. 13 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,160 Charles. 14 00:05:13,252 --> 00:05:15,209 Paul. 15 00:05:15,295 --> 00:05:17,965 You're for Miss Price. I'm expecting her in. 16 00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:21,168 - Call out the navy - I won't be a moment. 17 00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:23,051 Please don't touch anything. 18 00:05:23,137 --> 00:05:25,544 Call out the tanks 19 00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:29,803 From the Cliffs of Dover, call up the gulls 20 00:05:29,893 --> 00:05:34,354 And don't forget the loyal territorials 21 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:38,568 But who's digging in here? Who will defend 22 00:05:38,652 --> 00:05:42,864 Every inch of England, no matter what they send? 23 00:05:42,948 --> 00:05:47,112 Who's standing firm in our own front yard? 24 00:05:47,202 --> 00:05:51,496 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard, that's who 25 00:05:51,582 --> 00:05:55,745 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard 26 00:05:55,836 --> 00:06:00,332 We wrote the story of the old brigades 27 00:06:00,424 --> 00:06:04,671 We know the glory of yesterday's parades 28 00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:08,842 Who's standing firm in our own front yard? 29 00:06:08,932 --> 00:06:13,013 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard, that's who 30 00:06:13,103 --> 00:06:18,061 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard 31 00:06:19,651 --> 00:06:22,818 - Halt! - Carry on, sergeant. 32 00:06:22,905 --> 00:06:25,941 Captain Greer, sir, from headquarters at Tidbury, 33 00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:28,156 here to check military preparations. 34 00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:31,114 Tell them Pepperinge Eye has matters well in hand. 35 00:06:31,205 --> 00:06:34,656 Nevertheless, I... What on earth is that? 36 00:06:43,384 --> 00:06:46,634 Good morning, General. I received your message, Mrs Hobday. 37 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,591 - I assume my parcel has arrived. - It's in the office. 38 00:06:49,682 --> 00:06:50,761 How lovely. 39 00:06:53,268 --> 00:06:56,186 - Who is that? - Miss Price. Splendid woman. 40 00:06:56,271 --> 00:06:58,560 Her late father served with me. 41 00:06:58,649 --> 00:07:01,318 What does she burn in this? It smells like sulphur. 42 00:07:01,402 --> 00:07:04,687 Ridiculous! One can't make motor fuel out of sulphur! 43 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:09,608 Here we are. Another object from Professor Emelius Browne in London. 44 00:07:09,702 --> 00:07:12,786 - Thank you. - Is it what you expected? 45 00:07:12,871 --> 00:07:18,114 - I imagine so. - He sent you a cat last time. 46 00:07:20,421 --> 00:07:23,624 - Professor Browne is well? - I haven't the faintest idea. 47 00:07:23,716 --> 00:07:26,716 Are we to have the pleasure of meeting him? 48 00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:29,838 I doubt it. I don't know Professor Browne personally. 49 00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:33,097 - Was there something else? - Yes. Would you come this way? 50 00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:35,853 - I'm very anxious to get home. - Come along, please. 51 00:07:37,980 --> 00:07:42,309 - Get down, Charlie. I want a ride! - Bash him one! 52 00:07:42,401 --> 00:07:44,477 Stop it this instant! 53 00:07:45,904 --> 00:07:48,395 Children, this is Miss Price. 54 00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:52,025 Carrie, Charles and Paul Rawlins, all the way from London. 55 00:07:52,119 --> 00:07:54,325 - How do you do? - How are you, miss? 56 00:07:54,413 --> 00:07:58,790 The government are trying to evacuate children into the country. 57 00:07:58,876 --> 00:08:02,161 - Very sensible. - Today they sent us 45. 58 00:08:02,254 --> 00:08:06,252 And I've had to find homes for all of them at very short notice. 59 00:08:06,342 --> 00:08:13,803 These are the last three. All right, children. Pick up your things. 60 00:08:13,891 --> 00:08:16,975 You're not suggesting I take these children into my house? 61 00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:21,272 - Exactly. - That's quite out of the question. 62 00:08:21,357 --> 00:08:23,433 Children and I don't get on. 63 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:27,437 I'll believe you, miss. Come on. Back to London. 64 00:08:27,529 --> 00:08:28,988 Be quiet. 65 00:08:29,573 --> 00:08:31,815 Besides, I have important work to do. 66 00:08:31,909 --> 00:08:34,993 Miss Price, you do have that entire house to yourself. 67 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:39,622 According to the Ministry of Civil Defence, you have no choice. 68 00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:40,989 I see. 69 00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:43,658 If that is the case I shall take them into my house, 70 00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:47,704 with the understanding that you find another home as soon as possible. 71 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,591 Fine. Come along. 72 00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:58,218 Good morning, Miss Price. There they are! 73 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:01,228 Oh, Miss Price, what a charitable thing you are doing, 74 00:09:01,313 --> 00:09:03,851 taking in these poor unfortunates from the city. 75 00:09:03,941 --> 00:09:07,689 - Hold this very carefully. - I wonder if I may drop by later. 76 00:09:07,778 --> 00:09:11,396 - Why? - Consider their spiritual needs. 77 00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:14,574 That won't be necessary. They won't be with me for long. 78 00:09:36,223 --> 00:09:38,381 My parcel, please. 79 00:09:38,475 --> 00:09:40,551 Bring your things inside. 80 00:09:43,772 --> 00:09:46,477 - Bit murky, ain't it? - Yeah. 81 00:09:46,567 --> 00:09:49,733 Not another house round here for miles. 82 00:09:52,906 --> 00:09:55,777 - Wipe your feet. - Big place, this. 83 00:09:55,868 --> 00:09:58,785 - Who else lives here? - I live alone. 84 00:09:58,871 --> 00:10:00,863 It suits my purpose. 85 00:10:02,624 --> 00:10:05,294 All right. Come along, everybody. 86 00:10:16,597 --> 00:10:19,052 Sorry, miss. The cat startled us. 87 00:10:19,141 --> 00:10:22,177 No need for alarm. You just frightened him. 88 00:10:23,103 --> 00:10:26,188 Yeah, he's scared to death. You can see that! 89 00:10:28,108 --> 00:10:31,892 - What do you call your cat? - I don't give animals silly names. 90 00:10:31,987 --> 00:10:36,234 I call him Cosmic Creepers because that's the name he came with. 91 00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:39,528 You will sleep in here. This was my father's bedroom. 92 00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:41,862 Be very careful of everything in it. 93 00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:44,791 - You boys take the bed there. - All right, miss. 94 00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,915 - What was your name? - Carrie, miss. 95 00:10:47,002 --> 00:10:50,252 - You sleep in the sofa in there. - Thank you, miss. 96 00:10:50,339 --> 00:10:53,838 - Is that all you brought? - We ain't exactly burdened down. 97 00:10:53,926 --> 00:10:56,215 Travel light, that's us. 98 00:10:57,179 --> 00:10:59,219 I don't think this is going to work 99 00:10:59,306 --> 00:11:01,465 but it seems that I have no alternative. 100 00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:03,717 We'll do our best, miss. Really, we will. 101 00:11:03,811 --> 00:11:07,014 Thank you, Carrie. The bathroom is along the landing. 102 00:11:07,106 --> 00:11:10,439 - Supper is at 6:00. You will wash... - Wash? 103 00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:13,776 You will wash yourselves otherwise there will be no supper. 104 00:11:13,862 --> 00:11:16,188 Is that clear? 105 00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:21,109 A house of horror. That's what we've come to. 106 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:32,088 Please don't bother to whisper. I'm exceptionally keen of hearing. 107 00:11:32,172 --> 00:11:34,331 You are planning to run back to London. 108 00:11:34,425 --> 00:11:36,713 Please do your plotting elsewhere 109 00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:38,629 where I shan't have to listen to it. 110 00:11:38,762 --> 00:11:41,432 I don't know much about what children eat. 111 00:11:41,515 --> 00:11:43,508 You'll have to make do as I do. 112 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,091 Is there anything in particular that you fancy? 113 00:11:46,186 --> 00:11:48,891 Sausage and mash, bubble and squeak, 114 00:11:48,981 --> 00:11:50,973 toad in the hole, fried fish... 115 00:11:51,066 --> 00:11:52,644 Anything at all. 116 00:11:52,735 --> 00:11:55,819 You won't find any fried foods in this house. 117 00:11:55,904 --> 00:11:57,612 - No fried food? - No. 118 00:11:57,698 --> 00:11:59,904 How do you keep your health? 119 00:11:59,992 --> 00:12:01,700 Cabbage buds, rosehips, 120 00:12:01,785 --> 00:12:07,076 hyssop seed, elm bark, wattle yeast and stewed nettles. 121 00:13:02,554 --> 00:13:04,346 "Dear Madam. With this shipment, 122 00:13:04,431 --> 00:13:07,136 the Emelius Browne College of Witchcraft 123 00:13:07,226 --> 00:13:09,099 sends you its congratulations 124 00:13:09,186 --> 00:13:12,637 on qualifying for the first degree of your chosen calling." 125 00:13:12,731 --> 00:13:16,563 "You may now call yourself 'apprentice witch'." 126 00:13:17,569 --> 00:13:20,357 "Yours faithfully, Emelius Browne." 127 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,529 My first broom. 128 00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:35,959 Time to go. Everybody up. 129 00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:40,415 Wake up, Paul. We're going back to London. 130 00:13:40,968 --> 00:13:43,210 Let's see how we fly this thing. 131 00:13:43,971 --> 00:13:46,047 Here we are. 132 00:13:47,558 --> 00:13:50,512 "Clasp the broom with both hands." 133 00:13:51,270 --> 00:13:53,393 Yes, of course. 134 00:14:00,946 --> 00:14:03,402 "Never astride the broom." Oh, yes, of course. 135 00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:07,073 "A witch is always a lady unless circumstances dictate otherwise." 136 00:14:07,161 --> 00:14:10,695 "Take an easy, graceful sideways position." 137 00:14:10,789 --> 00:14:15,451 Of course, that's much better. An easy, graceful sideways position. 138 00:14:15,544 --> 00:14:18,664 There we are. How's that? 139 00:14:20,215 --> 00:14:23,169 "To start up the broom, your basic formula: 140 00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:27,128 La kipo necriff scrumpet leech!" 141 00:14:29,516 --> 00:14:31,675 I wasn't ready! 142 00:14:52,206 --> 00:14:54,163 Now watch this. 143 00:14:58,295 --> 00:14:59,837 Here we go. 144 00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:24,018 It's going to be a little different this time. 145 00:15:29,702 --> 00:15:32,275 All right. I know it's not ladylike. 146 00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:28,209 What's the matter? 147 00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:32,921 - How does she do that? - She's a witch. 148 00:16:33,015 --> 00:16:35,684 That's the sort of thing witches do. 149 00:16:53,786 --> 00:16:56,407 She don't fly good, do she? 150 00:17:02,252 --> 00:17:05,503 - She's crashed! - Now's our chance to hop it! 151 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:09,290 - Suppose she's hurt. - Go on! You can't hurt a witch. 152 00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:11,719 Look out! 153 00:17:19,019 --> 00:17:21,806 She's proper cross now. Let's get away from here. 154 00:17:21,897 --> 00:17:25,313 Hang on. I'm having a bit of a think. 155 00:17:25,401 --> 00:17:27,358 A witch she is, says you. 156 00:17:27,444 --> 00:17:30,066 Then let's use the old loaf, says I. 157 00:17:30,155 --> 00:17:33,738 - Let's get back to London. - What we have here is an opportunity. 158 00:17:33,826 --> 00:17:37,277 She don't want anyone to know she's a witch, does she? 159 00:17:37,371 --> 00:17:40,491 - Not ruddy likely. - That's the opportunity. 160 00:17:40,582 --> 00:17:43,667 And I intend to make the most of it. Come on. 161 00:17:44,503 --> 00:17:47,076 - Bran porridge. - Thank you, miss. 162 00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:49,248 Very healthful, I'm sure! 163 00:17:50,926 --> 00:17:54,509 - Hurt your foot, Miss Price? - Just twisted my ankle. 164 00:17:54,596 --> 00:17:57,716 - Sorry to hear that. - Thank you. It's nothing serious. 165 00:17:58,726 --> 00:18:01,513 Lovely weather for flying last night. 166 00:18:06,358 --> 00:18:08,814 Why did you say that, Charles? 167 00:18:08,902 --> 00:18:11,987 Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are. 168 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,031 I see. 169 00:18:17,703 --> 00:18:21,036 Don't worry, Miss Price. No one's gonna peach on you. 170 00:18:22,249 --> 00:18:26,461 Thank you. I should be most grateful if you didn't tell anyone. 171 00:18:26,545 --> 00:18:30,673 Course there would have to be one or two little changes made round here. 172 00:18:30,758 --> 00:18:34,506 I mean, I'd like to see an occasional sausage on the table here. 173 00:18:34,595 --> 00:18:37,264 - A bit of strawberry jam. - Charlie! 174 00:18:37,348 --> 00:18:40,681 Let me handle this. And another thing, Miss Price. 175 00:18:40,768 --> 00:18:44,717 There will be no more of this wash, wash, wash, morning and night. 176 00:18:44,813 --> 00:18:46,972 Anything else? 177 00:18:47,066 --> 00:18:50,565 Now you mention it, I could do with a bit of lolly. 178 00:18:51,278 --> 00:18:53,105 Lolly? 179 00:18:53,197 --> 00:18:55,735 Cash. Cold, hard cash. 180 00:18:55,824 --> 00:18:58,196 You must have buckets of it. 181 00:18:58,285 --> 00:19:02,698 The most accomplished of witches can't make money out of thin air. 182 00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:05,494 Have you ever heard of a rich witch? 183 00:19:05,584 --> 00:19:10,045 Be that as it may, you don't want us to blab, do you? 184 00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:13,215 Have you considered what danger you might be in? 185 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:16,135 I am a witch, you know. 186 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:19,505 What will you do? Turn me into a toad? 187 00:19:19,598 --> 00:19:22,089 Lovely. A toad with pink eyes. 188 00:19:23,143 --> 00:19:27,058 - I might just do that. - Go on, then. I dare you. 189 00:19:27,147 --> 00:19:28,642 Very well, Charles. 190 00:19:31,443 --> 00:19:34,943 - You shouldn't have said that to her. - She don't frighten me. 191 00:19:35,030 --> 00:19:36,939 She can't even ride a proper broom. 192 00:19:37,032 --> 00:19:39,191 Excuse me, Charles. 193 00:19:39,284 --> 00:19:42,155 Filigree, apogee, 194 00:19:42,246 --> 00:19:45,579 pedigree, perigee. 195 00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:49,326 Oh, Charlie! 196 00:19:50,379 --> 00:19:52,786 That's better than a toad! That's a rabbit! 197 00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:55,551 Bother! I never seem to be able to manage toads. 198 00:20:00,556 --> 00:20:02,798 Stop! Leave him alone! 199 00:20:04,935 --> 00:20:08,470 - Don't let Charlie get hurt. - My spells don't last very long. 200 00:20:08,564 --> 00:20:10,391 I'm just an apprentice witch. 201 00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:23,867 Look out, Charlie! 202 00:20:32,588 --> 00:20:35,873 You flaming brute! 203 00:20:36,925 --> 00:20:40,259 I'll teach you to do that to me! 204 00:20:40,346 --> 00:20:43,430 Let Cosmic Creepers alone. Weren't his fault. 205 00:20:44,016 --> 00:20:45,427 I'm afraid it's my fault. 206 00:20:45,517 --> 00:20:47,843 Bad enough not being able to manage a broom. 207 00:20:47,936 --> 00:20:51,140 I can't perform a simple, basic spell. 208 00:20:51,231 --> 00:20:55,229 You dared her to do it. I don't see why we can't all be friends. 209 00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:57,810 Maybe she's not a wicked witch. 210 00:20:57,905 --> 00:20:59,897 Of course I'm not! 211 00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:03,240 - See? - If only I could trust you. 212 00:21:03,327 --> 00:21:07,194 You see, the work I'm doing is so important to the war effort. 213 00:21:07,289 --> 00:21:10,954 - How do you mean? - I mean exceptionally important. 214 00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:12,834 Most secret. 215 00:21:13,504 --> 00:21:16,125 What do you say, Charlie? We can keep a secret. 216 00:21:16,215 --> 00:21:19,749 Yeah. If someone made it worth our while. 217 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:21,959 I don't follow. 218 00:21:22,054 --> 00:21:25,968 Simple. You give us something valuable to seal the pact. 219 00:21:26,058 --> 00:21:28,763 Oh, Charlie, don't try to be clever again. 220 00:21:28,852 --> 00:21:30,892 It's for our own protection, ain't it? 221 00:21:30,979 --> 00:21:35,143 If we broke the pact, we'd have to give back the valuable object. 222 00:21:35,234 --> 00:21:38,400 I think it's an excellent idea. 223 00:21:38,487 --> 00:21:43,528 I wonder what I could give you. Would you settle for one of my spells? 224 00:21:43,617 --> 00:21:45,823 Bet that's not worth much. 225 00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:48,660 Come with me. 226 00:21:52,543 --> 00:21:56,243 - I like you better as a rabbit. - Shut up, you. 227 00:21:56,338 --> 00:21:58,082 Well, I never had a rabbit. 228 00:22:00,134 --> 00:22:02,589 Careful what you touch in here. 229 00:22:04,763 --> 00:22:06,970 Rum sort of place, ain't it? 230 00:22:08,267 --> 00:22:11,600 When I signed for my witchcraft course there was a free bonus, 231 00:22:11,687 --> 00:22:15,601 a marvellous travelling spell if you paid in advance. 232 00:22:15,691 --> 00:22:17,897 I think I'll give you that one. 233 00:22:17,985 --> 00:22:20,476 - Is it valuable? - Certainly. 234 00:22:24,116 --> 00:22:26,524 Poisoned dragon's liver? 235 00:22:28,495 --> 00:22:32,279 You mean you poison the dragon or just the liver? 236 00:22:32,374 --> 00:22:35,743 It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment. 237 00:22:35,836 --> 00:22:38,505 Here we are. The travelling spell. 238 00:22:38,589 --> 00:22:40,665 Everybody gather round. 239 00:22:42,843 --> 00:22:44,717 All right now. Let's see. 240 00:22:44,803 --> 00:22:47,473 Does any one of you have a bracelet or a ring? 241 00:22:47,556 --> 00:22:50,510 - Something that you can twist. - No, Miss Price. 242 00:22:50,601 --> 00:22:54,266 - What about you, Paul? - Always carry a few things around. 243 00:22:54,355 --> 00:22:58,933 Never know when they might come in useful. Piece of blue glass. 244 00:22:59,026 --> 00:23:00,900 Lovely bit of string. 245 00:23:02,071 --> 00:23:04,028 Horseshoe nail. 246 00:23:05,741 --> 00:23:07,116 What's that? 247 00:23:07,201 --> 00:23:09,739 Knob from the bed upstairs. 248 00:23:09,828 --> 00:23:13,992 - It twists, don't it? - Yeah. Twisted right off. 249 00:23:14,083 --> 00:23:16,455 Yes, I think that will be all right. 250 00:23:16,543 --> 00:23:19,912 Carrie, turn the light down a little bit, will you? 251 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,387 Hellebore, henbane, aconite... 252 00:23:37,606 --> 00:23:41,307 glow-worm fire, firefly light! 253 00:23:44,321 --> 00:23:46,693 There. Isn't that pretty? 254 00:23:46,782 --> 00:23:48,940 Is that all we get? 255 00:23:49,034 --> 00:23:52,284 This knob will now work the famous travelling spell. 256 00:23:52,371 --> 00:23:55,040 And what's the famous travelling spell? 257 00:23:55,124 --> 00:23:57,697 - How does it work? - You take this knob 258 00:23:57,793 --> 00:23:59,786 and put it back on the bed upstairs. 259 00:23:59,878 --> 00:24:02,416 Then turn it smartly a quarter turn to the left 260 00:24:02,506 --> 00:24:05,756 then in a firm, clear voice, tell it where you want to go 261 00:24:05,843 --> 00:24:07,966 and the bed will take you there. 262 00:24:08,053 --> 00:24:09,084 Go on! 263 00:24:09,179 --> 00:24:12,928 - Will it really? - I see no reason to think otherwise. 264 00:24:13,976 --> 00:24:16,681 Thank you for the lovely gift. 265 00:24:16,770 --> 00:24:20,768 Sorry, but it belongs to Paul. He's the only one who can work the spell. 266 00:24:20,858 --> 00:24:23,230 - Me? - Yes. 267 00:24:23,318 --> 00:24:26,485 That's right. My knob, weren't it? 268 00:24:26,572 --> 00:24:28,280 That's the way the spell works. 269 00:24:28,365 --> 00:24:31,117 Nice mess he'll make of things. 270 00:24:33,412 --> 00:24:36,199 Oh, bother. You children run upstairs. 271 00:24:36,290 --> 00:24:39,125 Don't try anything with the bedknob till I get back. 272 00:24:40,794 --> 00:24:42,870 "Dear Madam, it grieves me to inform you 273 00:24:42,963 --> 00:24:47,091 that we have been forced to close down our College of Witchcraft." 274 00:24:47,176 --> 00:24:50,342 "This means that we shall not be sending you the final lesson 275 00:24:50,429 --> 00:24:52,837 in which you expressed so much interest." 276 00:24:56,101 --> 00:24:59,719 - What's keeping you? - I've had some very bad news. 277 00:24:59,813 --> 00:25:01,972 Is there anything we can do? 278 00:25:02,066 --> 00:25:04,189 No. No, thank you. 279 00:25:05,361 --> 00:25:06,819 Yes. 280 00:25:06,904 --> 00:25:09,573 Yes, there is something that Paul can do. 281 00:25:09,656 --> 00:25:11,945 - Me? - I need the bedknob back. 282 00:25:12,034 --> 00:25:16,779 - I must get to London. - No. I want to go to the jungle. 283 00:25:16,872 --> 00:25:19,161 Come with me, Paul. 284 00:25:23,712 --> 00:25:26,168 Now, Paul. Ridiculous as it may seem 285 00:25:26,256 --> 00:25:28,664 to have to explain this to a six-year-old, 286 00:25:28,759 --> 00:25:32,210 - I do need your help. - Go ahead. 287 00:25:32,304 --> 00:25:34,926 I was expecting a very important spell in the mail 288 00:25:35,015 --> 00:25:38,550 from my teacher, Professor Emelius Browne, and it hasn't come. 289 00:25:38,644 --> 00:25:40,933 What's that got to do with my knob? 290 00:25:41,021 --> 00:25:44,188 I must go to London immediately and see Professor Browne. 291 00:25:44,274 --> 00:25:49,649 With his help, we may be able to bring this war to a successful end. 292 00:25:49,738 --> 00:25:51,778 That is why I need the knob. 293 00:25:51,865 --> 00:25:53,941 What is your decision? 294 00:26:00,541 --> 00:26:02,747 Thank you, Paul. 295 00:26:05,170 --> 00:26:07,708 I brought this for your hair. It may be windy. 296 00:26:07,798 --> 00:26:09,791 Thank you. It's ever so nice. 297 00:26:09,883 --> 00:26:12,671 Paul, have you been to the bathroom? 298 00:26:12,761 --> 00:26:14,670 - Twice. - Good. 299 00:26:14,763 --> 00:26:17,089 Charles, put on something warmer. 300 00:26:17,182 --> 00:26:19,305 The bed may travel quite fast. 301 00:26:19,393 --> 00:26:22,477 I'm not going. I'm staying right here. 302 00:26:22,563 --> 00:26:24,520 But why? 303 00:26:24,606 --> 00:26:29,601 All that rubbish about a travelling bed. It won't work. That's why. 304 00:26:29,695 --> 00:26:32,482 Carrie, help me to pull the bed out. 305 00:26:32,573 --> 00:26:35,858 We don't want to scratch the wall when we take off. 306 00:26:36,493 --> 00:26:39,411 How's a ruddy big bed like that gonna get out of this room 307 00:26:39,496 --> 00:26:42,865 with those little windows? 308 00:26:42,958 --> 00:26:46,623 I don't know. There's a great many things about magic that I don't know. 309 00:26:46,712 --> 00:26:49,333 - We'll just have to find out. - Lovely! 310 00:26:49,423 --> 00:26:51,297 Just leave me out of it. 311 00:26:51,383 --> 00:26:53,506 I don't fancy making a fool of myself. 312 00:26:54,428 --> 00:26:58,011 What's come over you lately, Charlie? You're no fun any more. 313 00:26:58,098 --> 00:27:02,226 Help me tidy up. We don't want to go to London with an unmade bed. 314 00:27:02,311 --> 00:27:05,016 - How old is Charles? - Eleven, going on twelve. 315 00:27:05,105 --> 00:27:10,444 I see. That's what my father used to call the age of not believing. 316 00:27:10,527 --> 00:27:12,485 What's that supposed to be? 317 00:27:13,614 --> 00:27:17,279 When you rush around in hopeless circles 318 00:27:17,368 --> 00:27:21,828 Searching everywhere for something true 319 00:27:21,914 --> 00:27:26,243 You're at the age of not believing 320 00:27:26,335 --> 00:27:29,538 When all the make-believe is through 321 00:27:29,630 --> 00:27:32,002 That's Charlie to a tee. 322 00:27:32,091 --> 00:27:35,709 When you set aside your childhood heroes 323 00:27:35,803 --> 00:27:40,180 And your dreams are lost upon a shelf 324 00:27:40,265 --> 00:27:44,927 You're at the age of not believing 325 00:27:45,020 --> 00:27:49,481 And worst of all you doubt yourself 326 00:27:49,566 --> 00:27:51,144 Throw that away. 327 00:27:51,235 --> 00:27:55,695 You're a castaway where no one hears you 328 00:27:55,781 --> 00:27:59,731 On a barren isle in a lonely sea 329 00:27:59,827 --> 00:28:01,404 What's that? Poetry? 330 00:28:01,495 --> 00:28:04,698 Where did all the happy endings go? 331 00:28:04,790 --> 00:28:09,084 Where can all the good times be? 332 00:28:09,169 --> 00:28:11,292 Everyone on the bed who's going. 333 00:28:11,380 --> 00:28:15,212 You must face the age of not believing 334 00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:19,298 Doubting everything you ever knew 335 00:28:19,388 --> 00:28:20,419 The knob. 336 00:28:20,514 --> 00:28:25,093 Until at last you start believing 337 00:28:25,185 --> 00:28:30,606 There's something wonderful in you 338 00:28:31,567 --> 00:28:33,476 Lovely sentiment, I'm sure. 339 00:28:33,569 --> 00:28:35,941 - Are you ready, Paul? - Yes, Miss Price. 340 00:28:36,030 --> 00:28:37,440 Repeat after me. 341 00:28:38,407 --> 00:28:42,903 Take us to Professor Emelius Browne... 342 00:28:49,209 --> 00:28:50,241 Very good. 343 00:28:50,336 --> 00:28:55,163 Headmaster, Correspondence College of Witchcraft. 344 00:29:00,846 --> 00:29:03,419 Of Witchcraft, London. 345 00:29:06,101 --> 00:29:09,933 When I say go, tap the knob three times 346 00:29:10,022 --> 00:29:12,892 and turn it a quarter turn to the left. 347 00:29:14,318 --> 00:29:17,070 - Left... - That's it. 348 00:29:17,154 --> 00:29:20,357 We'd better hold on tight. 349 00:29:20,449 --> 00:29:23,236 The behaviour of the bed is something I'm not sure of. 350 00:29:23,327 --> 00:29:25,996 Let me breathe a little. 351 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,994 All right, Paul. Ready? Go. 352 00:29:30,876 --> 00:29:34,327 One... two... three... 353 00:30:31,770 --> 00:30:33,644 - Is this London? - Course it is! 354 00:30:33,731 --> 00:30:37,313 - Smell that lovely sooty air. - Marvellous, ain't it? 355 00:30:37,401 --> 00:30:40,271 - Charles, are you convinced? - Not yet I ain't. 356 00:30:40,362 --> 00:30:42,734 I don't see no Professor Browne. 357 00:30:42,823 --> 00:30:45,444 Neither do I. You children look after the bed 358 00:30:45,534 --> 00:30:47,740 while I make enquiries for Mr Browne. 359 00:30:50,122 --> 00:30:54,416 - I told you this bed wouldn't work. - Don't start that again. 360 00:30:54,501 --> 00:30:59,543 It didn't work. It was supposed to take us to Professor Browne. 361 00:31:00,466 --> 00:31:04,510 - "Professor Browne." - Come on! 362 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:18,477 Ladies and gentlemen, gather round, please. 363 00:31:20,277 --> 00:31:23,812 Please note the name: Professor Emelius Browne. 364 00:31:23,906 --> 00:31:27,322 I am here to divert, to amuse, 365 00:31:27,409 --> 00:31:29,616 and, yes, even to help you. 366 00:31:29,703 --> 00:31:33,072 - There he is! - It is not what things are... 367 00:31:35,584 --> 00:31:37,577 It is what they seem to be. 368 00:31:37,670 --> 00:31:38,701 Is that not so? 369 00:31:39,254 --> 00:31:41,543 That ain't the kind of professor I expected. 370 00:31:41,632 --> 00:31:45,250 I'm not sure it's the kind Miss Price expected, either. 371 00:31:45,928 --> 00:31:49,261 What effect a little smoke is... 372 00:31:49,765 --> 00:31:51,674 with a dash of hocus-pocus 373 00:31:51,767 --> 00:31:53,806 and the scent of burning... 374 00:31:55,396 --> 00:31:58,065 and the scent of burning sulphur in the air. 375 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,400 And now, for my next trick, may I draw your attention 376 00:32:02,486 --> 00:32:05,238 to this solid piece of ordinary window glass, 377 00:32:05,322 --> 00:32:08,525 framed in an ordinary unprepared frame. 378 00:32:08,617 --> 00:32:12,829 May I also draw your attention to this perfectly ordinary steel nail. 379 00:32:12,913 --> 00:32:15,036 Now I shall place the framed glass 380 00:32:15,124 --> 00:32:17,163 in this brown, unprepared... 381 00:32:17,251 --> 00:32:19,374 Unprepared, mark you... 382 00:32:19,461 --> 00:32:21,952 Unprepared brown paper bag. 383 00:32:22,047 --> 00:32:26,543 I shall now attempt to drive the steel nail through the glass 384 00:32:26,635 --> 00:32:29,173 without breaking the glass. 385 00:32:29,263 --> 00:32:31,302 "Impossible!" I hear you say. 386 00:32:31,390 --> 00:32:33,014 We shall see. 387 00:32:37,354 --> 00:32:40,225 He ain't very good, even if he is a professor. 388 00:32:40,315 --> 00:32:43,020 I tell you what I'm going to do. No, please don't go. 389 00:32:43,110 --> 00:32:47,238 Don't leave now and regret lost opportunities later. 390 00:32:55,414 --> 00:33:00,123 You, young sir. Would you care to warble like the storied nightingale? 391 00:33:00,210 --> 00:33:02,618 With this inexpensive device, 392 00:33:02,713 --> 00:33:06,296 you can charm the very birds down from the trees, like so. 393 00:33:10,804 --> 00:33:13,378 - How much? - For you, sir, one penny. 394 00:33:14,391 --> 00:33:16,598 One copper coin of the realm. 395 00:33:24,401 --> 00:33:27,735 Carrie, I'm very surprised at you wandering off like this. 396 00:33:27,821 --> 00:33:31,321 We found him for you, miss. We found Professor Browne. 397 00:33:31,408 --> 00:33:34,078 Don't work. I've been cheated! 398 00:33:34,161 --> 00:33:37,411 Is that Professor Browne? 399 00:33:37,498 --> 00:33:39,870 It is indeed, my dear. How may I serve you? 400 00:33:39,958 --> 00:33:46,293 Would you be interested in the mating call of the Brazilian bird of love? 401 00:33:47,424 --> 00:33:48,622 Very useful, eh? 402 00:33:48,717 --> 00:33:52,762 You are the headmaster of the Emelius Browne College of Witchcraft? 403 00:33:52,846 --> 00:33:56,346 The late headmaster. The college, alas, is now defunct. 404 00:33:56,433 --> 00:33:58,889 Professor Browne, I am one of your pupils. 405 00:33:58,977 --> 00:34:03,604 My dear lady, you are indeed an ornament to the college. 406 00:34:03,691 --> 00:34:05,482 - Splendid. - Not at all. 407 00:34:05,567 --> 00:34:08,319 I was shocked when you closed down the college 408 00:34:08,404 --> 00:34:11,274 without that most important last lesson. 409 00:34:11,365 --> 00:34:14,485 I'm sorry, my dear. No refunds. Look at your contract. 410 00:34:14,576 --> 00:34:17,910 But I must have the spell that comes with the last lesson! 411 00:34:17,996 --> 00:34:20,203 The matter is closed. I bid you good day. 412 00:34:20,290 --> 00:34:22,616 I have an appointment at my club. 413 00:34:22,710 --> 00:34:24,619 The matter is not closed! 414 00:34:24,712 --> 00:34:27,629 - Don't let him get away. - Righto! 415 00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:37,964 Here we are. 416 00:34:38,058 --> 00:34:40,383 Will you get this child off my leg? 417 00:34:40,477 --> 00:34:43,051 Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee. 418 00:34:50,529 --> 00:34:53,102 Now I trust you'll behave more like a gentleman. 419 00:34:53,866 --> 00:34:55,739 Look out! 420 00:34:56,785 --> 00:34:58,861 There goes another rabbit. 421 00:34:58,954 --> 00:35:00,532 What was all that about? 422 00:35:00,622 --> 00:35:03,576 I changed you into a rabbit with one of your own spells. 423 00:35:04,376 --> 00:35:07,543 My spell? From my school? 424 00:35:07,629 --> 00:35:09,752 Not one of your best spells. 425 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,043 It doesn't last. Some of your others are much better. 426 00:35:13,135 --> 00:35:16,171 But I don't understand. My spell? 427 00:35:16,263 --> 00:35:18,671 They were just nonsense words from an old book. 428 00:35:18,766 --> 00:35:20,758 They worked perfectly well for me. 429 00:35:22,728 --> 00:35:25,397 They work for you? 430 00:35:28,192 --> 00:35:31,857 Good woman! Some kind of destiny has brought us together. 431 00:35:31,945 --> 00:35:34,650 You got these spells out of some old book, you say? 432 00:35:34,740 --> 00:35:37,065 I changed them round a bit. 433 00:35:37,159 --> 00:35:40,575 I gave them a bit of my own style, as it were. 434 00:35:40,662 --> 00:35:43,996 The old sorcerers did have a bit of a tendency to waffle on. 435 00:35:44,083 --> 00:35:48,294 But dear lady, I never thought I'd meet somebody like you. 436 00:35:49,463 --> 00:35:51,254 What a treasure. 437 00:35:51,340 --> 00:35:54,625 Mr Browne, will you please stick to the point. 438 00:35:54,718 --> 00:35:57,340 I would like to see this book immediately. 439 00:35:57,429 --> 00:35:59,920 Certainly. It's at my new town house. 440 00:36:00,015 --> 00:36:02,506 Would you care to join me for luncheon? 441 00:36:02,601 --> 00:36:05,602 We can discuss my ideas at the same time. 442 00:36:06,271 --> 00:36:09,854 Thank you. We'd be delighted. We shall all go together. 443 00:36:09,942 --> 00:36:14,105 - On the bed? - On the bed, Paul. Come along. 444 00:36:16,782 --> 00:36:19,736 You go round the other side. I always travel on the left. 445 00:36:21,787 --> 00:36:24,278 Will you give the address to Paul, please? 446 00:36:24,373 --> 00:36:27,742 May I ask how we are going to get there on this bed? Fly? 447 00:36:27,835 --> 00:36:30,539 My dear Professor, with your own travelling spell. 448 00:36:30,629 --> 00:36:33,298 The one you gave with the course as a bonus. 449 00:36:33,382 --> 00:36:36,667 My travelling spell? That works as well? 450 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,967 Just give the address, please. 451 00:36:39,888 --> 00:36:42,095 8 Winchfield Road. 452 00:36:42,182 --> 00:36:45,847 Bed, take us to 8 Winchfield Road. 453 00:36:54,695 --> 00:36:57,150 Madam, is this vehicle safe? 454 00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:02,993 Perfectly. A bit theatrical, perhaps, but then most good spells are. 455 00:37:39,031 --> 00:37:41,604 We're here. I would never have believed it. 456 00:37:42,826 --> 00:37:46,030 You must have given us the wrong address. Do you live here? 457 00:37:46,121 --> 00:37:48,826 In fact, I do. Temporarily, at any rate. 458 00:37:48,916 --> 00:37:51,870 I found the front door open. The house was deserted. 459 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,498 Everyone has left the neighbourhood. 460 00:37:54,588 --> 00:37:56,913 Why should they do that? 461 00:37:57,758 --> 00:38:00,794 This probably has something to do with it. 462 00:38:02,513 --> 00:38:04,422 Merciful heavens! 463 00:38:04,515 --> 00:38:07,432 You should be terrified at the very idea of living here. 464 00:38:07,518 --> 00:38:10,887 You would have thought so. I am by nature a little bit of a coward. 465 00:38:10,979 --> 00:38:12,687 But then I pondered. 466 00:38:12,773 --> 00:38:16,474 In the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object 467 00:38:16,568 --> 00:38:18,775 is probably the best friend I've ever had. 468 00:38:18,862 --> 00:38:22,148 It enables me, for the first time in my life, to live like a king. 469 00:38:22,241 --> 00:38:24,317 Shall we go in? 470 00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:30,071 Rothschild '26. Noble, worldly-wise, 471 00:38:30,165 --> 00:38:32,739 but with a charming touch of innocence. 472 00:38:32,835 --> 00:38:35,041 Mr Browne, the book. Where is it? 473 00:38:35,129 --> 00:38:37,086 Dear lady, you are relentless. 474 00:38:37,172 --> 00:38:41,466 The book is in the library. We shall proceed there after our cheese and wine. 475 00:38:42,344 --> 00:38:44,752 Why do you keep the curtains closed? 476 00:38:44,847 --> 00:38:48,050 So that we may enjoy the gentle glow of candle light. 477 00:38:48,142 --> 00:38:51,974 More likely so's a copper don't peek in and catch you hiding out here. 478 00:38:52,062 --> 00:38:54,732 Why don't you have a look round the house? 479 00:38:54,815 --> 00:38:57,104 - I want to chat with Miss Price. - May we? 480 00:38:57,192 --> 00:38:59,814 Yes, run along. But don't touch anything. 481 00:38:59,903 --> 00:39:02,940 Remember, this house does not belong to Mr Browne. 482 00:39:03,365 --> 00:39:05,607 Mr Browne, where is that book? 483 00:39:05,701 --> 00:39:08,536 I must have that spell on substitutiary locomotion. 484 00:39:20,341 --> 00:39:23,674 - What is it? A toy shop? - No, it's a nursery. 485 00:39:23,761 --> 00:39:27,889 - Ain't you ever seen a nursery? - No. And neither have you. 486 00:40:05,386 --> 00:40:07,129 Would you hold this, please? 487 00:40:22,027 --> 00:40:24,483 What do you think of that? 488 00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,996 - Well, I... don't know what to think. - Miss Price. 489 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:37,908 Think how successful I could be with an assistant who can really do magic. 490 00:40:38,919 --> 00:40:43,961 Dear lady, have you ever considered entering show business? 491 00:40:44,049 --> 00:40:46,125 - The what business? - The theatre! 492 00:40:46,218 --> 00:40:48,507 Pantomimes, village fairs, the seaside. 493 00:40:48,595 --> 00:40:51,466 Brighton, Blackpool, follies on the prom. 494 00:40:51,557 --> 00:40:53,430 I have very important work to do. 495 00:40:53,517 --> 00:40:56,304 Listen to me. We could make a packet. 496 00:40:56,395 --> 00:40:58,553 Let us strike a bargain 497 00:40:58,647 --> 00:41:00,141 You possess a gift 498 00:41:00,232 --> 00:41:02,272 But I can speak the jargon 499 00:41:02,359 --> 00:41:04,981 That will give your gift the needed lift 500 00:41:05,070 --> 00:41:07,193 You possess the know-how 501 00:41:07,281 --> 00:41:09,439 And I command the show-how 502 00:41:09,533 --> 00:41:13,531 Oh, how successful you could be 503 00:41:13,620 --> 00:41:15,494 With me 504 00:41:15,581 --> 00:41:17,953 I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time. 505 00:41:18,042 --> 00:41:19,785 - What's your name? - Miss Price. 506 00:41:19,877 --> 00:41:21,786 - Your first name. - Eglantine. 507 00:41:23,547 --> 00:41:28,707 Eglantine, Eglantine, oh, how you'll shine 508 00:41:28,802 --> 00:41:33,049 Your lot and my lot have got to combine 509 00:41:33,140 --> 00:41:36,889 Eglantine, Eglantine, hark to the stars 510 00:41:36,977 --> 00:41:40,476 Destiny calls us, the future is ours 511 00:41:40,564 --> 00:41:44,431 As the shine sells the boot and the blossoms the fruit 512 00:41:44,526 --> 00:41:48,441 All you need to succeed in your plan 513 00:41:48,530 --> 00:41:52,777 Is the proper ally upon whom to rely 514 00:41:52,868 --> 00:41:56,071 And I'm your man 515 00:41:56,580 --> 00:42:01,041 For I have an acumen that's nigh-superhuman 516 00:42:01,126 --> 00:42:03,748 I sell things that nobody can 517 00:42:04,630 --> 00:42:08,841 So I humbly suggest you accept my behest 518 00:42:08,926 --> 00:42:12,010 I'm your man 519 00:42:13,055 --> 00:42:16,554 Eglantine, Eglantine, oh how you'll shine 520 00:42:16,642 --> 00:42:18,053 Will you stop? 521 00:42:18,143 --> 00:42:20,634 Your lot and my lot have got to combine 522 00:42:20,729 --> 00:42:24,229 Eglantine, Eglantine, hark to the stars 523 00:42:24,316 --> 00:42:27,519 Destiny calls us, the future is ours 524 00:42:32,324 --> 00:42:34,400 What are you reading? 525 00:42:36,412 --> 00:42:38,120 "Isle of Naboombu." 526 00:42:38,205 --> 00:42:42,072 - Can't be no such place. - There is too such a place. 527 00:42:42,167 --> 00:42:45,085 These pictures prove it, don't it? 528 00:42:46,213 --> 00:42:50,080 Bit weird, ain't it? Animals wearing hats and things. 529 00:42:51,343 --> 00:42:53,170 I like it. 530 00:42:55,681 --> 00:42:58,717 Now where is the book? 531 00:42:58,809 --> 00:43:00,885 Well? Where is it? 532 00:43:18,162 --> 00:43:21,198 At last, Mr Browne! 533 00:43:25,127 --> 00:43:28,461 "The Spells of Astoroth." 534 00:43:28,547 --> 00:43:30,540 Of course. 535 00:43:30,632 --> 00:43:33,420 Here's the travelling spell. This is where you got it. 536 00:43:35,429 --> 00:43:37,635 Does one's nose have to twitch like this? 537 00:43:38,265 --> 00:43:40,305 Oh, you're back, Mr Browne. 538 00:43:40,392 --> 00:43:42,468 Miss Price, a word about your tactics. 539 00:43:42,561 --> 00:43:44,969 I don't mind being changed into a hawk or a tiger 540 00:43:45,064 --> 00:43:46,522 or something with dash. 541 00:43:46,607 --> 00:43:50,190 But always a fluffy white rabbit? It's intolerable! 542 00:43:51,653 --> 00:43:55,402 Here we are! Substitutiary locomotion. 543 00:43:56,116 --> 00:43:59,616 "The ancient art of..." 544 00:43:59,703 --> 00:44:05,409 "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words." 545 00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:08,170 "These words are..." 546 00:44:13,550 --> 00:44:15,377 But the rest of the book is missing! 547 00:44:15,469 --> 00:44:17,877 Now you see why I closed down the college. 548 00:44:19,682 --> 00:44:22,932 - But where are the other pages? - Haven't the foggiest. 549 00:44:23,018 --> 00:44:25,936 - Listen to me! - I'm all ears. 550 00:44:26,021 --> 00:44:29,604 You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book? 551 00:44:29,692 --> 00:44:33,772 I bought it from a street market. There was a bit of unpleasantness. 552 00:44:33,862 --> 00:44:36,650 He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin. I ask you! 553 00:44:36,740 --> 00:44:39,196 There was a sort of scuffle. The book tore. 554 00:44:39,284 --> 00:44:41,526 He got one half and I got the other. 555 00:44:41,620 --> 00:44:45,155 - But where's the other half now? - It's probably been thrown away. 556 00:44:45,249 --> 00:44:48,166 But if it still exists, there's only one place to find it. 557 00:44:48,836 --> 00:44:52,370 - Where is that? - Portobello Road 558 00:44:52,464 --> 00:44:54,671 Portobello Road 559 00:44:54,758 --> 00:44:58,293 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 560 00:44:58,387 --> 00:45:01,756 Anything and everything a chap can unload 561 00:45:01,849 --> 00:45:05,099 Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road 562 00:45:05,185 --> 00:45:10,346 You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road 563 00:45:12,651 --> 00:45:16,020 - Rare alabaster - Genuine plaster 564 00:45:16,113 --> 00:45:19,446 A filigreed samovar owned by the tsars 565 00:45:19,533 --> 00:45:22,949 - A pen used by Shelley - A new Botticelli! 566 00:45:23,037 --> 00:45:26,821 The snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars 567 00:45:26,915 --> 00:45:30,498 Made in Hong Kong? Two bob a dozen, would you say? 568 00:45:30,586 --> 00:45:33,752 - Waterford crystal - Napoleon's pistols 569 00:45:33,839 --> 00:45:37,422 Society heirlooms with genuine gems 570 00:45:37,509 --> 00:45:41,174 Rembrandts, El Grecos, Toulouse-Lautrecos 571 00:45:41,263 --> 00:45:44,762 Painted last week on the banks of the Thames 572 00:45:45,726 --> 00:45:48,596 Very interesting, but where do they sell books? 573 00:45:48,687 --> 00:45:50,894 There's a little place around the corner. 574 00:45:51,690 --> 00:45:55,142 Portobello Road, Portobello Road 575 00:45:55,235 --> 00:45:58,651 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 576 00:45:58,739 --> 00:46:01,942 Anything and everything a chap can unload 577 00:46:02,034 --> 00:46:05,284 Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road 578 00:46:05,371 --> 00:46:10,198 You meet all your chums in the Portobello Road 579 00:46:10,292 --> 00:46:12,332 Lovely to see you. Goodbye. 580 00:46:15,798 --> 00:46:18,467 What I want is the other half of this book. 581 00:46:18,550 --> 00:46:20,590 All in good time, my dear. 582 00:46:20,678 --> 00:46:24,011 Burke's Peerage, The Bride Book, The Fishmonger's Guidebook 583 00:46:24,098 --> 00:46:26,137 I'm looking for the other part of this. 584 00:46:26,225 --> 00:46:29,142 A Victorian novel, "The Unwanted Son" 585 00:46:29,228 --> 00:46:32,098 - You don't understand! - The History of Potting 586 00:46:32,189 --> 00:46:33,600 The Yearbook of Yachting 587 00:46:33,691 --> 00:46:37,439 The leather-bound "Life of Attila the Hun" 588 00:46:37,528 --> 00:46:40,731 Portobello Road, Portobello Road 589 00:46:40,823 --> 00:46:44,405 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 590 00:46:44,493 --> 00:46:47,827 Artefacts to glorify a regal abode 591 00:46:47,913 --> 00:46:51,329 Are hidden in the flotsam in Portobello Road 592 00:46:51,417 --> 00:46:52,827 Who do you think you are? 593 00:46:52,918 --> 00:46:55,836 Tokens and treasures, yesterday's pleasures 594 00:46:55,921 --> 00:46:59,255 Cheap imitations and heirlooms of old 595 00:46:59,341 --> 00:47:02,959 Dented and tarnished, scarred and unvarnished 596 00:47:03,053 --> 00:47:04,429 In old Portobello... 597 00:47:04,513 --> 00:47:07,218 This lady is looking for the other half of this book. 598 00:47:07,307 --> 00:47:09,300 It's called "The Spells of Astoroth". 599 00:47:13,731 --> 00:47:16,222 I don't keep no torn or damaged books here. 600 00:47:16,316 --> 00:47:19,732 What do you think I am? A ruddy wastepaper merchant? 601 00:47:21,947 --> 00:47:26,027 You can eat like a king in the Portobello Road 602 00:47:28,037 --> 00:47:30,824 There's another bookstore along here somewhere. 603 00:47:30,914 --> 00:47:33,785 You don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you? 604 00:47:33,876 --> 00:47:36,283 Let me have a go, my dear fellow. 605 00:47:37,713 --> 00:47:41,960 Portobello Road, Portobello Road 606 00:47:42,051 --> 00:47:45,217 Happy things are happening in Portobello Road 607 00:47:45,304 --> 00:47:49,467 You feel like a ballerina when you're hopping like a toad 608 00:47:49,558 --> 00:47:53,141 When you kick your heels up down in Portobello Road 609 00:50:26,715 --> 00:50:28,174 Come on, ducks! 610 00:50:29,718 --> 00:50:31,378 Come on, girls! 611 00:50:42,481 --> 00:50:44,474 Lovely. 612 00:50:51,740 --> 00:50:54,065 Oh, yeah, play the drums. 613 00:52:43,686 --> 00:52:45,346 Closing time! 614 00:52:51,944 --> 00:52:53,853 Bye! 615 00:53:07,001 --> 00:53:10,583 Portobello Road 616 00:53:11,505 --> 00:53:14,459 Portobello Road 617 00:53:14,550 --> 00:53:21,431 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 618 00:53:21,515 --> 00:53:26,640 Anything and everything a chap can unload... 619 00:53:26,729 --> 00:53:30,311 Hey, governor. Something for the lady friend? Nylons? 620 00:53:30,399 --> 00:53:32,308 - No, thank you. - Petrol coupons? 621 00:53:32,401 --> 00:53:34,358 - Chocs for the little 'uns? - No. 622 00:53:34,445 --> 00:53:37,399 How about one of these, mate? Fell off the back of a lorry. 623 00:53:37,489 --> 00:53:40,989 - Be a good chap and run away. - Would you fancy this, then? 624 00:53:42,703 --> 00:53:45,490 Now you have my undivided attention. 625 00:53:45,581 --> 00:53:48,784 - What can I do for you? - Get over to the Bookman right away. 626 00:53:48,876 --> 00:53:51,545 He wants to see you. You too. 627 00:53:52,379 --> 00:53:55,713 Who is the Bookman? And what right has he got to order me about? 628 00:53:55,799 --> 00:53:58,421 I think we'd better ask questions later. 629 00:53:58,510 --> 00:54:00,218 Excuse me. 630 00:54:04,516 --> 00:54:07,850 Sorry, guv. No one told me about the stairs. 631 00:54:07,936 --> 00:54:10,427 Why didn't you bring Scotland Yard, Swinburne, 632 00:54:10,522 --> 00:54:12,598 and half the Household Cavalry as well? 633 00:54:12,691 --> 00:54:14,684 What's the bed for? 634 00:54:14,777 --> 00:54:17,943 It's a present for you. That's what he said. 635 00:54:18,030 --> 00:54:20,521 Nothing of the sort. The bed belongs to me. 636 00:54:20,616 --> 00:54:22,739 Except for this knob, which is mine. 637 00:54:22,826 --> 00:54:26,824 Bookman, there's been bad blood between us long enough. 638 00:54:26,914 --> 00:54:30,164 Let this gift begin friendship anew. 639 00:54:30,250 --> 00:54:33,702 - Draw the curtains. Lock the door. - You'll be snug as a bug. 640 00:54:33,796 --> 00:54:37,212 Isn't that the section of the manuscript we've been looking for? 641 00:54:37,299 --> 00:54:40,502 - Who is this person? - Miss Eglantine Price. 642 00:54:40,594 --> 00:54:42,836 A charming young woman of my acquaintance. 643 00:54:42,930 --> 00:54:46,180 Miss Price, I've been looking for this other bit a long time. 644 00:54:46,266 --> 00:54:49,635 Mr Swinburne told me you were in the market making enquiries. 645 00:54:49,728 --> 00:54:54,604 And here we are. I don't mind saying, to see it all together at last... 646 00:54:54,692 --> 00:54:58,606 - There isn't much I wouldn't do. - Or haven't done, for that matter. 647 00:54:58,696 --> 00:55:02,776 - Right, guv? - You'll close your mouth, Swinburne. 648 00:55:02,866 --> 00:55:05,274 Is that clear? 649 00:55:05,369 --> 00:55:10,327 It's all like a jolly detective story or jigsaw puzzle, isn't it? 650 00:55:10,416 --> 00:55:13,701 We're both after the same spell. 651 00:55:13,794 --> 00:55:16,748 You have one clue, I have the other. 652 00:55:17,297 --> 00:55:23,134 Yes, in that case, the sensible thing seems to be for us to cooperate. 653 00:55:23,971 --> 00:55:27,340 I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. 654 00:55:27,433 --> 00:55:28,761 May I? 655 00:55:30,561 --> 00:55:33,645 This is quite a moment for both of us. 656 00:55:35,899 --> 00:55:38,355 "Substitutiary locomotion, 657 00:55:38,444 --> 00:55:42,691 the lost miracle of the ancients." And so on and so forth. 658 00:55:42,781 --> 00:55:44,192 Here we are. 659 00:55:44,283 --> 00:55:48,696 "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words." 660 00:55:48,787 --> 00:55:50,579 "These words are... 661 00:55:50,664 --> 00:55:56,667 engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth." 662 00:55:56,754 --> 00:55:59,126 But where are the words of the spell? 663 00:55:59,214 --> 00:56:02,334 I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript. 664 00:56:02,426 --> 00:56:05,178 I thought they'd be in yours! 665 00:56:05,262 --> 00:56:08,761 Once again, a dead end. 666 00:56:10,017 --> 00:56:12,259 I shall never know the secret. 667 00:56:14,229 --> 00:56:18,393 Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. 668 00:56:18,484 --> 00:56:20,891 Pity it's so small you can't read the writing. 669 00:56:20,986 --> 00:56:23,987 - But why the animals? - Towards the end of his life, 670 00:56:24,073 --> 00:56:26,149 Astoroth kept animals in cages 671 00:56:26,241 --> 00:56:29,527 in search for the spells that would make them more like humans. 672 00:56:29,620 --> 00:56:34,080 The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, 673 00:56:34,166 --> 00:56:38,294 killed Astoroth and stole many of his powers. 674 00:56:38,379 --> 00:56:41,048 Including the star with the spell on it. 675 00:56:41,131 --> 00:56:44,631 Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away 676 00:56:44,718 --> 00:56:46,794 and were never heard of again. 677 00:56:46,887 --> 00:56:50,754 However, there is a final notation in my half of the book 678 00:56:50,849 --> 00:56:53,257 saying that in the 17th century 679 00:56:53,352 --> 00:56:56,388 a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea 680 00:56:56,480 --> 00:57:00,264 half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. 681 00:57:00,359 --> 00:57:05,946 Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals. 682 00:57:06,031 --> 00:57:07,312 Where? 683 00:57:07,408 --> 00:57:12,485 There is, I regret to say, no such island. 684 00:57:12,579 --> 00:57:14,952 I looked for it in every chart. 685 00:57:15,040 --> 00:57:18,658 The Isle of Naboombu does not exist. 686 00:57:18,752 --> 00:57:21,457 It does too! Got my own... 687 00:57:22,548 --> 00:57:24,955 - What is he trying to say? - Nothing! 688 00:57:25,050 --> 00:57:28,004 When he don't say nothing, he mumbles. 689 00:57:28,095 --> 00:57:30,716 I wish the child to speak! 690 00:57:31,807 --> 00:57:35,721 - Now you've done it. - There is too such a place. 691 00:57:36,854 --> 00:57:41,017 Got my own book. There. Real pretty letters, ain't it? 692 00:57:42,776 --> 00:57:45,611 - Let me see it. - You're not interested, Bookman. 693 00:57:45,696 --> 00:57:48,650 - It's just a children's book. - I'll be the judge of that. 694 00:57:48,741 --> 00:57:50,235 - Give it to me. - No. 695 00:57:50,325 --> 00:57:53,576 Please don't annoy me. 696 00:57:53,662 --> 00:57:56,996 - Give me the book, boy. - Not likely. 697 00:57:58,083 --> 00:58:00,870 Bit of a stalemate, isn't it? 698 00:58:05,132 --> 00:58:07,705 If it's all the same to you, I'd rather use my own. 699 00:58:07,801 --> 00:58:10,553 Sentiment, you know. 700 00:58:10,637 --> 00:58:12,714 Come along, Paul. It's time to go. 701 00:58:12,806 --> 00:58:16,851 Go? How, my dear? The door is locked. 702 00:58:16,935 --> 00:58:20,221 Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. 703 00:58:20,314 --> 00:58:23,481 - You will believe no one or anything. - I understand. 704 00:58:23,567 --> 00:58:26,402 - The knob, Paul. - Course you do, my dear. 705 00:58:26,487 --> 00:58:29,938 We can tell them the complete truth. They will believe nothing. 706 00:58:30,741 --> 00:58:32,947 He's up to something, you know. 707 00:58:33,035 --> 00:58:37,578 Before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and the occupants on it 708 00:58:37,664 --> 00:58:39,741 to disappear. 709 00:58:39,833 --> 00:58:43,582 I should like to see a cheap-jack tenth-rate entertainer 710 00:58:43,671 --> 00:58:45,544 do a trick like that. 711 00:58:45,631 --> 00:58:47,291 "Cheap-jack entertainer." 712 00:58:47,383 --> 00:58:49,874 - That was naughty. - All right, Paul. 713 00:58:50,719 --> 00:58:52,628 - Where to? - To the Island of Naboombu. 714 00:58:52,721 --> 00:58:56,055 - I'm very curious about that place. - Good. 715 00:58:56,141 --> 00:58:58,811 Bed, take us to the Island of Naboombu. 716 00:59:04,525 --> 00:59:07,098 Enough of this nonsense! Get the book! 717 00:59:44,148 --> 00:59:46,721 Beastly climate. I never did fancy the sea. 718 00:59:47,151 --> 00:59:50,354 - Where are we? - Naboombu, of course. 719 00:59:50,446 --> 00:59:53,281 I've never seen no island like this before. 720 00:59:53,365 --> 00:59:56,615 I'm afraid we may have fallen into the lagoon. 721 00:59:56,702 --> 01:00:00,153 That's right. Here we are on page three. 722 01:00:06,712 --> 01:00:09,713 Oi, Mr Codfish! 723 01:00:09,798 --> 01:00:14,341 Hello, young fellow! Welcome to Naboombu Lagoon. 724 01:00:15,095 --> 01:00:18,429 Now I'm hearing things. Fish don't talk. 725 01:00:19,058 --> 01:00:21,097 Not too bright, is he? 726 01:00:21,185 --> 01:00:24,933 - He's my brother. - Oh? Sorry. 727 01:00:25,647 --> 01:00:28,317 Mr Codfish, where is the Island of Naboombu? 728 01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:31,603 You mean the land part? Oh, that. 729 01:00:31,695 --> 01:00:34,566 Straight up. You can't miss it. 730 01:00:34,656 --> 01:00:36,982 None of my business, of course, 731 01:00:37,076 --> 01:00:40,527 but I shouldn't go there if I were you. 732 01:00:40,621 --> 01:00:44,535 - Having troubles, they are. - Troubles? 733 01:00:44,625 --> 01:00:47,791 He's right, you know. A lot of trouble. 734 01:00:47,878 --> 01:00:50,451 Trouble or not, we should be getting along. 735 01:00:50,547 --> 01:00:53,335 - I wish to see who is in charge. - What's the rush? 736 01:00:53,425 --> 01:00:56,628 It's really rather splendid down here. For you, my dear. 737 01:00:57,846 --> 01:00:59,305 Thank you. 738 01:01:06,105 --> 01:01:08,097 How pleasant... 739 01:01:08,190 --> 01:01:09,684 Bobbing along 740 01:01:09,775 --> 01:01:16,109 Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 741 01:01:16,824 --> 01:01:20,738 What a chance to get a better peep 742 01:01:20,828 --> 01:01:24,777 At the plants and creatures of the deep 743 01:01:24,873 --> 01:01:28,123 We glide 744 01:01:28,210 --> 01:01:32,504 Far below the rolling tide 745 01:01:33,298 --> 01:01:36,632 Serene 746 01:01:36,719 --> 01:01:41,297 Through the bubbly blue and green 747 01:01:41,390 --> 01:01:43,928 It's lovely bobbing along 748 01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:50,515 Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 749 01:01:51,567 --> 01:01:55,861 What if the octopus, the flounder and the cod 750 01:01:55,946 --> 01:01:57,440 Think we're rather odd? 751 01:01:57,531 --> 01:02:00,069 It's fun to promenade 752 01:02:00,159 --> 01:02:02,614 Bobbing along, singing a song 753 01:02:02,703 --> 01:02:08,409 On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 754 01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:09,698 Look! 755 01:03:44,930 --> 01:03:47,765 It's lovely bobbing along 756 01:03:47,850 --> 01:03:54,932 Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 757 01:03:55,024 --> 01:03:59,187 What a chance to get a better peep 758 01:03:59,278 --> 01:04:03,358 At the plants and creatures of the deep 759 01:04:03,449 --> 01:04:06,153 It's grand 760 01:04:06,243 --> 01:04:10,455 When you're dancing on the sand 761 01:04:11,915 --> 01:04:14,916 Each glance 762 01:04:15,002 --> 01:04:19,213 Bubbles over with romance 763 01:04:19,298 --> 01:04:22,334 It's lovely bobbing along 764 01:04:22,426 --> 01:04:24,964 Bobbing along through the water 765 01:04:25,054 --> 01:04:28,802 Where we get along swimmingly 766 01:04:29,767 --> 01:04:34,227 Far from the frenzy of the frantic world above 767 01:04:34,313 --> 01:04:38,311 - Two beneath the blue - Could even fall in love 768 01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,642 Bobbing along, singing a song 769 01:04:40,736 --> 01:04:46,027 On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 770 01:04:47,201 --> 01:04:49,692 Bobbing along, singing a song 771 01:04:49,787 --> 01:04:55,659 On the bottom of the beautiful briny, shimmery shiny 772 01:04:55,751 --> 01:04:59,499 Beautiful briny sea 773 01:05:01,507 --> 01:05:03,962 Bravo! 774 01:05:04,051 --> 01:05:07,467 Most exciting, most exciting. 775 01:05:08,847 --> 01:05:11,089 You've won the ruddy cup. 776 01:05:33,914 --> 01:05:36,405 Help! 777 01:05:48,846 --> 01:05:52,131 This time I really caught a whopper! 778 01:06:00,816 --> 01:06:05,145 People! Oh, no! 779 01:06:05,237 --> 01:06:07,111 What scurvy luck. 780 01:06:07,197 --> 01:06:09,985 - My goodness! - I'll deal with this, my dear. 781 01:06:10,075 --> 01:06:12,993 - Don't you know that... - Good day, captain. 782 01:06:13,078 --> 01:06:15,534 I used to be a bit of a seafaring man myself. 783 01:06:15,622 --> 01:06:18,113 Many's the time I've shipped out of Portsmouth. 784 01:06:18,208 --> 01:06:20,746 Delighted to meet a fellow mariner. 785 01:06:22,379 --> 01:06:24,253 Now stow it, mate. 786 01:06:24,340 --> 01:06:28,289 - Oh, really! - Can't you read reading? 787 01:06:29,678 --> 01:06:34,470 It says... "No peopling allowed." 788 01:06:36,393 --> 01:06:39,430 - Ridiculous! - Don't antagonise him, Mr Browne. 789 01:06:39,521 --> 01:06:44,563 That means I've got to throw you all back. That's what to do. 790 01:06:44,651 --> 01:06:49,064 Wait it minute! It says here that anybody can see the king. 791 01:06:49,156 --> 01:06:52,607 - And that's the law. - Where do it say that? 792 01:06:52,701 --> 01:06:54,658 Here in my book. 793 01:06:55,996 --> 01:06:58,072 So it do. 794 01:07:00,376 --> 01:07:02,867 But if you people knew what was good for you, 795 01:07:02,961 --> 01:07:06,544 you'd get yourselves all throwed back. 796 01:07:06,632 --> 01:07:09,502 The king don't like people! 797 01:07:09,843 --> 01:07:14,173 Nonetheless, we must see the king on an urgent personal matter. 798 01:07:14,264 --> 01:07:16,056 Please lead the way. 799 01:07:17,434 --> 01:07:21,302 But just don't say I didn't warn you. See? 800 01:07:22,606 --> 01:07:24,765 Follow me. 801 01:07:48,465 --> 01:07:50,956 Get out of here! 802 01:07:58,559 --> 01:08:02,936 Yes. What can I do for you? 803 01:08:03,022 --> 01:08:06,437 I caught some people down at the sea lagoon. 804 01:08:06,525 --> 01:08:09,016 They want to see the king. 805 01:08:09,111 --> 01:08:14,615 Really? Well, we can't be bothered with that sort of thing now, can we? 806 01:08:17,286 --> 01:08:19,077 I don't know that I fancy this. 807 01:08:19,913 --> 01:08:22,998 His Majesty is in a frightful rage. 808 01:08:23,959 --> 01:08:26,628 Excuse me, sir. As an all-round entertainer, 809 01:08:26,712 --> 01:08:30,330 I am considered not without talent. Perhaps I can cheer him up. 810 01:08:30,424 --> 01:08:34,671 No, no. You don't understand. 811 01:08:34,762 --> 01:08:36,754 As everyone knows, 812 01:08:36,847 --> 01:08:41,723 His Majesty is the world's greatest soccer player. 813 01:08:46,648 --> 01:08:49,186 But due to a technical problem, 814 01:08:49,276 --> 01:08:52,692 the Royal Cup match cannot take place today. 815 01:08:52,780 --> 01:08:56,612 And His Majesty had so set his heart on it! 816 01:08:56,700 --> 01:09:02,157 Throw these... creatures back into the sea. 817 01:09:02,790 --> 01:09:04,829 Aye, aye, sir. 818 01:09:04,917 --> 01:09:07,372 Just a moment! I can help! 819 01:09:07,461 --> 01:09:11,126 Do you really think so? I'd be most grateful. 820 01:09:11,215 --> 01:09:13,920 Do you know soccer? 821 01:09:14,009 --> 01:09:16,216 Do I know anything about soccer? 822 01:09:16,303 --> 01:09:19,387 Why, I was captain of Tottenham Hotspurs for two years. 823 01:09:19,473 --> 01:09:21,715 Three seasons with Manchester United... 824 01:09:21,809 --> 01:09:23,682 Yes, yes. You'll do. 825 01:09:23,769 --> 01:09:26,342 Come this way, please. 826 01:09:26,772 --> 01:09:29,975 Mr Browne, are you certain you'll be all right? 827 01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,439 Now what? 828 01:09:37,533 --> 01:09:39,775 Not an ideal person in many respects, 829 01:09:39,868 --> 01:09:42,953 but Mr Browne is a very brave man. 830 01:09:47,835 --> 01:09:49,377 Do you think he's done for? 831 01:09:55,092 --> 01:09:57,381 Do you think so? 832 01:10:01,724 --> 01:10:06,386 I can't tell you how I appreciate this. 833 01:10:06,478 --> 01:10:10,227 For some reason we have great difficulty 834 01:10:10,315 --> 01:10:14,444 finding referees round here. 835 01:10:14,528 --> 01:10:17,814 If there be one thing we like, 836 01:10:17,906 --> 01:10:22,403 it's volunteers, eh, Birdy? 837 01:10:25,581 --> 01:10:27,869 He's a proper king! Look at his crown! 838 01:10:27,958 --> 01:10:30,710 What's he got round his neck? 839 01:10:31,545 --> 01:10:35,044 What a magnificent... ornament, sire. 840 01:10:35,132 --> 01:10:38,133 Ah, yes. 841 01:10:38,218 --> 01:10:42,216 Wouldn't be without it. Been in the family for years. 842 01:10:42,306 --> 01:10:45,011 The Star of Astoroth! 843 01:10:47,394 --> 01:10:51,012 You're to sit in His Majesty's royal box. 844 01:10:51,106 --> 01:10:54,807 No littering, no chewing, no fruit or wrappers or sweets. Please. 845 01:11:05,204 --> 01:11:07,742 Rise, please. 846 01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,908 Loyal fans, 847 01:11:12,002 --> 01:11:15,252 this is official. 848 01:11:15,339 --> 01:11:20,760 We have a volunteer referee. 849 01:11:33,691 --> 01:11:37,356 Let the match begin! 850 01:11:39,738 --> 01:11:42,027 He's still wearing it! 851 01:11:42,116 --> 01:11:44,737 Right, Dirty Yellows, let's have a clean game. 852 01:11:47,913 --> 01:11:50,202 Right, True Blues, best foot forward. 853 01:12:27,119 --> 01:12:29,325 Weird sort of game they play here. 854 01:13:09,828 --> 01:13:12,284 Hurry up! Get rid of it! 855 01:13:34,436 --> 01:13:35,895 Gracious! 856 01:13:36,939 --> 01:13:40,639 You're doing fine, matey. 857 01:13:44,947 --> 01:13:48,398 Move it around. 858 01:13:50,160 --> 01:13:52,034 Get on with the match! 859 01:14:09,430 --> 01:14:11,221 - Foul! - They're only animals. 860 01:14:11,306 --> 01:14:13,976 That's no excuse for dirty football. 861 01:14:42,838 --> 01:14:44,961 Ref, are you blind? 862 01:14:45,049 --> 01:14:48,334 Be quiet, Charles! Don't forget who the referee is! 863 01:15:08,864 --> 01:15:11,699 - Don't they have no rules? - Course they do. 864 01:15:11,784 --> 01:15:13,776 The king makes them up as he goes along. 865 01:15:58,080 --> 01:16:01,081 Poor Mr Browne. Do you think he's all right? 866 01:16:02,251 --> 01:16:04,124 Well, he's moving. 867 01:16:04,712 --> 01:16:07,748 Steady, matey. Move it around. 868 01:16:15,556 --> 01:16:17,881 He almost had it then. 869 01:16:36,535 --> 01:16:39,240 Looks like he's done for this time. 870 01:16:58,140 --> 01:17:02,351 Don't just stand there! Head it in! 871 01:17:39,973 --> 01:17:45,348 Stop... that... ball! 872 01:18:20,639 --> 01:18:22,596 Goal! 873 01:18:23,976 --> 01:18:26,977 Game's over. I win. 874 01:18:32,943 --> 01:18:35,564 Let me give you a hand, matey. 875 01:18:35,654 --> 01:18:38,691 That's quite all right, Your Majesty. Thank you so much. 876 01:18:38,782 --> 01:18:41,700 Please, let me help you on with your robe. 877 01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:44,241 Why, yes. Thank you. 878 01:18:44,329 --> 01:18:46,951 Can't have you catching cold, sire, can we? 879 01:18:47,041 --> 01:18:48,701 Why, no. 880 01:18:48,792 --> 01:18:51,829 Have you ever heard of something called the gypsy switch? 881 01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:54,127 No, can't say that I have. 882 01:18:54,214 --> 01:18:56,290 Remind me to tell you about it some time. 883 01:18:56,383 --> 01:18:58,839 I can't tell you when we've had such a good time. 884 01:18:58,927 --> 01:19:02,593 We'll carry your memory in our hearts for a long while. 885 01:19:02,681 --> 01:19:04,970 I think it's time to leave. 886 01:19:06,226 --> 01:19:07,970 Must you go? 887 01:19:08,062 --> 01:19:10,303 Must be dashing. Marvellous game. 888 01:19:10,397 --> 01:19:12,306 Lovely to see you. Goodbye. 889 01:19:16,111 --> 01:19:18,781 Friendly lot. 890 01:19:18,864 --> 01:19:24,203 Don't mind them visiting. Wouldn't want them living here. 891 01:19:26,830 --> 01:19:29,701 - Come along, children. - Hurry up. 892 01:19:35,631 --> 01:19:39,581 Stop gibbering! What's the matter with you? 893 01:19:40,010 --> 01:19:42,382 Your Royal Star! 894 01:19:42,471 --> 01:19:45,507 They've stolen your Royal Star! 895 01:19:47,810 --> 01:19:50,051 Don't be ridiculous. 896 01:19:50,145 --> 01:19:52,352 What do you think this is? 897 01:19:59,738 --> 01:20:06,275 Why didn't you say so? 898 01:20:07,037 --> 01:20:09,789 Paul, put the knob on the bed. 899 01:20:12,001 --> 01:20:17,920 At last the magic words. Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee. 900 01:20:18,007 --> 01:20:20,414 I'll keep it. Women always lose things. 901 01:20:25,514 --> 01:20:27,839 - Hurry, Paul! The knob! - It's stuck! 902 01:20:30,436 --> 01:20:33,769 - I suppose I'd better do something. - Please do. Quick. 903 01:20:35,691 --> 01:20:37,767 Got it. 904 01:20:40,529 --> 01:20:42,605 Filigree, apogee, pedigree... 905 01:20:46,827 --> 01:20:50,362 Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work. 906 01:21:16,690 --> 01:21:19,228 I shall never get used to this thing. 907 01:21:19,318 --> 01:21:22,105 Will you push the bed back into place, please? 908 01:21:22,196 --> 01:21:24,865 I think we could all do with a nice cup of tea. 909 01:21:24,948 --> 01:21:27,819 No time. I've gone to a lot of trouble to find this spell. 910 01:21:27,910 --> 01:21:30,365 I'm going to try it immediately. 911 01:21:31,288 --> 01:21:34,787 Mr Browne, kindly let me have your shoes, please. 912 01:21:36,043 --> 01:21:38,664 - Fine. - What's the shoes for? 913 01:21:38,754 --> 01:21:41,921 If you'd been paying attention I should think you'd be aware 914 01:21:42,007 --> 01:21:46,254 that substitutiary locomotion is the art of causing inanimate objects 915 01:21:46,345 --> 01:21:49,548 to take on a life force of their own. 916 01:21:49,640 --> 01:21:52,594 I must have inanimate objects to experiment with. 917 01:21:52,685 --> 01:21:54,476 Makes sense, don't it? 918 01:21:55,396 --> 01:21:58,729 Stand back, everyone. I need plenty of room. 919 01:22:03,529 --> 01:22:06,565 I want you all to be absolutely quiet. 920 01:22:07,449 --> 01:22:10,450 Mr Browne, you have the Star of Astoroth, I believe. 921 01:22:10,536 --> 01:22:12,943 Oh, yes. It's in my nice clean hanky. 922 01:22:20,087 --> 01:22:21,830 It's all right, Mr Browne. 923 01:22:21,922 --> 01:22:24,591 I should have realised that it would be impossible 924 01:22:24,675 --> 01:22:27,082 to take an object from one world into another. 925 01:22:31,807 --> 01:22:35,757 If only I would have had the sense to remember the words on that star. 926 01:22:35,853 --> 01:22:40,230 - I know the words. - Don't bother her. She's thinking. 927 01:22:40,315 --> 01:22:43,186 Why don't you and I nip out and get something for supper? 928 01:22:43,277 --> 01:22:46,610 And I might conceivably call into the pub for a pint 929 01:22:46,697 --> 01:22:48,820 to steady my nerves. 930 01:22:50,200 --> 01:22:53,118 I do know the words, Miss Price. 931 01:22:53,203 --> 01:22:56,288 How can you know the words when Miss Price doesn't? 932 01:22:58,667 --> 01:23:02,795 Troop movements and massing of barges in French and Dutch ports. 933 01:23:02,880 --> 01:23:05,122 The prime minister has told the nation 934 01:23:05,215 --> 01:23:08,086 to be on the alert for signs of a possible invasion. 935 01:23:08,177 --> 01:23:10,004 That was the news. 936 01:23:10,095 --> 01:23:12,717 I might have been able to do something about this. 937 01:23:12,806 --> 01:23:14,680 It's out of your hands now, my dear. 938 01:23:14,767 --> 01:23:17,684 If only I could have remembered those words. It's maddening. 939 01:23:18,187 --> 01:23:20,393 Why don't someone ask me? 940 01:23:20,481 --> 01:23:25,190 Come off it, Paul. You can't remember those kind of words. 941 01:23:25,277 --> 01:23:31,232 You mean like "Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee"? 942 01:23:35,204 --> 01:23:37,410 - How do you know that? - Easy. 943 01:23:37,498 --> 01:23:40,036 Says so right here in my book. 944 01:23:43,671 --> 01:23:47,170 You mean it was there in your book all the time? 945 01:23:47,257 --> 01:23:49,583 Yeah. But nobody ever listens to me. 946 01:23:51,095 --> 01:23:54,096 Treguna mekoides 947 01:23:54,807 --> 01:23:57,677 trecorum satis dee. 948 01:23:59,436 --> 01:24:01,429 Nothing happened! 949 01:24:03,565 --> 01:24:05,273 Am I doing something wrong? 950 01:24:05,359 --> 01:24:07,766 Well, it does seem a bit old-fashioned. 951 01:24:07,861 --> 01:24:10,483 After all, we are in the 20th century. 952 01:24:11,615 --> 01:24:14,236 - What do you suggest? - It needs rhythm. Tempo. 953 01:24:14,326 --> 01:24:17,327 Music. As I always say, do it with a flair. 954 01:24:17,413 --> 01:24:19,904 - Do you mind if I have a go? - Of course not. 955 01:24:19,998 --> 01:24:23,948 Come along, you lot! We need all the help we can get. 956 01:24:24,044 --> 01:24:28,457 Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee. 957 01:24:32,678 --> 01:24:36,426 Substitutiary locomotion 958 01:24:36,515 --> 01:24:41,058 Mystic power that's far beyond the wildest notion 959 01:24:41,145 --> 01:24:45,937 It's so weird, so feared, yet wonderful to see 960 01:24:46,025 --> 01:24:49,809 Substitutiary locomotion come to me 961 01:24:51,655 --> 01:24:53,030 Now! 962 01:24:55,409 --> 01:24:59,703 Treguna mekoides 963 01:24:59,788 --> 01:25:03,157 trecorum satis dee. 964 01:25:13,427 --> 01:25:18,089 I don't want locomotiary substitution 965 01:25:18,182 --> 01:25:22,226 Or remote intransecory convolution 966 01:25:22,311 --> 01:25:26,640 Only one precise solution is the key 967 01:25:26,732 --> 01:25:30,730 Substitutiary locomotion it must be 968 01:25:57,221 --> 01:26:01,265 Substitutiary locomotion 969 01:26:01,350 --> 01:26:05,644 Lovely substitutiary locomotion 970 01:26:05,729 --> 01:26:09,941 You've made substitutiary history 971 01:26:10,025 --> 01:26:14,355 With treguna mekoides and a little help from me 972 01:26:14,446 --> 01:26:18,942 - With treguna mekoides and... - Trecorum satis dee 973 01:26:33,924 --> 01:26:36,593 Mr Browne, what is going on here? 974 01:26:36,677 --> 01:26:38,966 I haven't the foggiest. 975 01:26:39,054 --> 01:26:41,426 How do you do? 976 01:26:41,515 --> 01:26:42,795 Shall we? 977 01:26:42,891 --> 01:26:45,679 - That's my nightgown! - Is it really, my dear? 978 01:26:45,769 --> 01:26:47,976 I'm not responsible for its behaviour. 979 01:26:48,063 --> 01:26:50,388 Obviously not, my dear. 980 01:26:52,359 --> 01:26:54,850 Paul, what on earth are you doing? 981 01:26:54,945 --> 01:26:57,436 Having a jolly good time, that's what. 982 01:26:58,115 --> 01:27:01,116 - How can we stop all this? - Must we? It's most agreeable. 983 01:27:01,201 --> 01:27:02,530 But we must do something. 984 01:27:02,619 --> 01:27:05,110 Didn't I give you my all-purpose cut-off spell? 985 01:27:05,205 --> 01:27:06,997 - Lesson number eight. - Eight. 986 01:27:07,082 --> 01:27:10,368 - Yes, number eight I think it was. - Oi! My Sunday trousers! 987 01:27:15,299 --> 01:27:18,169 Buzz off, old chap. Find your own dancing partner. 988 01:27:31,774 --> 01:27:33,897 Be careful, Carrie! Slow down! 989 01:27:41,033 --> 01:27:43,820 Mr Browne, will you please control your shoes? 990 01:27:43,911 --> 01:27:47,446 Dear lady, I very much fear that we have nothing under control. 991 01:28:07,893 --> 01:28:09,933 Do you mind? 992 01:28:27,371 --> 01:28:30,822 Now, who would like some more of my lovely sausages and mash? 993 01:28:30,916 --> 01:28:33,372 - No more for me, thank you. - Carrie? 994 01:28:33,460 --> 01:28:35,916 I've already had two helpings. 995 01:28:36,005 --> 01:28:38,211 - I'm full. - Me, too. 996 01:28:39,842 --> 01:28:42,214 At least somebody wants some. 997 01:28:46,724 --> 01:28:50,971 Cheer up, my dear. This should be something of a celebration. 998 01:28:51,061 --> 01:28:54,810 I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be much to celebrate. 999 01:28:54,898 --> 01:28:58,943 - I still haven't mastered that spell. - Of course you have. 1000 01:28:59,028 --> 01:29:02,278 You just need a little more practice. 1001 01:29:02,364 --> 01:29:04,689 - Do you really think so? - No doubt about it. 1002 01:29:04,783 --> 01:29:07,321 Meantime, there's nothing to liven the spirits 1003 01:29:07,411 --> 01:29:09,949 like a little master juggling. Right, Charlie? 1004 01:29:10,039 --> 01:29:12,576 Go on then, guv! Give us some juggling! 1005 01:29:19,798 --> 01:29:24,128 Very few better than me at this. All you need is 20 years' practice 1006 01:29:24,219 --> 01:29:26,841 and a touch of genius. 1007 01:29:36,732 --> 01:29:38,974 Never happened to me before. 1008 01:29:39,068 --> 01:29:42,602 I don't usually juggle with cats under my feet. 1009 01:29:45,157 --> 01:29:47,031 Look! She's laughing! 1010 01:30:05,260 --> 01:30:08,012 - Mrs Hobday. Do come in. - I can't stop, my dear. 1011 01:30:08,097 --> 01:30:11,051 I've just come by to bring you the good news. 1012 01:30:11,141 --> 01:30:14,261 Mr Bistlethwaite, who brings the milk, you know? 1013 01:30:14,353 --> 01:30:16,476 He's promised to take the children in! 1014 01:30:16,563 --> 01:30:20,478 He and his wife have got that farm. Just the place for growing children. 1015 01:30:20,567 --> 01:30:23,272 Put a bit of colour back in their cheeks. 1016 01:30:23,362 --> 01:30:26,695 Why, what's the matter? I thought you'd be pleased. 1017 01:30:26,782 --> 01:30:30,696 You told me yourself that you had no time to take care of children. 1018 01:30:32,037 --> 01:30:35,620 Circumstances have changed somewhat. 1019 01:30:35,708 --> 01:30:38,911 We got a dad now. Mr Browne. 1020 01:30:39,003 --> 01:30:42,952 - Paul! - Miss Price, is this true? 1021 01:30:43,048 --> 01:30:47,591 Of course. You do want him to stay with us, don't you, Miss Price? 1022 01:30:49,388 --> 01:30:52,009 I suppose I hadn't really thought about it. 1023 01:30:52,099 --> 01:30:55,800 What about him? What do you say about it, Mr Browne? 1024 01:30:57,646 --> 01:31:01,858 It's all rather sudden! I don't quite know what to say. 1025 01:31:02,818 --> 01:31:04,894 Then I'll leave you two to talk it over. 1026 01:31:04,987 --> 01:31:08,190 I'll come back in the morning! Good night! 1027 01:31:14,413 --> 01:31:19,039 It is true, Mr Browne. You are going to be our father now, aren't you? 1028 01:31:22,546 --> 01:31:26,129 We are rather rushing things, aren't we? 1029 01:31:27,634 --> 01:31:31,715 Perhaps Mr Browne has other things besides you children to think about. 1030 01:31:34,892 --> 01:31:37,893 Yes. As a matter of fact I should have left ages ago. 1031 01:31:37,978 --> 01:31:40,979 I must get a train back to London tonight. 1032 01:31:41,065 --> 01:31:43,734 It's rather an important matter. 1033 01:31:43,817 --> 01:31:47,685 I'd like to tell you about it, but it's a little bit hush-hush. 1034 01:31:47,780 --> 01:31:49,404 Sort of a secret. 1035 01:31:51,450 --> 01:31:54,700 Well... if... 1036 01:31:54,787 --> 01:31:59,413 If I've been any sort of help to you, I'm pleased. 1037 01:31:59,750 --> 01:32:02,371 You've been immensely kind. Thank you. 1038 01:32:03,128 --> 01:32:05,798 I've enjoyed being with you. 1039 01:32:05,881 --> 01:32:08,123 Perhaps it's been good for all of us. 1040 01:32:08,217 --> 01:32:10,209 Will you be coming back? 1041 01:32:10,302 --> 01:32:13,837 Some day, my dear. I certainly hope that we shall meet again. 1042 01:32:13,931 --> 01:32:17,514 Some day. When all this war business is over. 1043 01:32:18,727 --> 01:32:22,310 - I see. - Perhaps I shall realise my dream. 1044 01:32:22,398 --> 01:32:26,146 Eglantine and Emelius: Illusionists extraordinary! 1045 01:32:26,235 --> 01:32:28,642 Just think how that will look on the poster. 1046 01:32:29,905 --> 01:32:32,147 The children are going to miss you. 1047 01:32:34,243 --> 01:32:36,816 - You really think they will? - Yes. 1048 01:32:37,454 --> 01:32:40,657 Well, I shall miss you. All of you. 1049 01:32:44,420 --> 01:32:46,958 If I don't go now you might never get rid of me. 1050 01:32:49,842 --> 01:32:51,751 Goodbye, Carrie. 1051 01:32:52,428 --> 01:32:56,377 - Must you really go? - I think it's best for everybody. 1052 01:32:56,473 --> 01:33:00,008 - Goodbye, Paul. - I think you should be our father. 1053 01:33:00,769 --> 01:33:02,263 Goodbye, Charlie. 1054 01:33:02,354 --> 01:33:04,976 Do you want me to come down to the station with you? 1055 01:33:05,065 --> 01:33:10,142 No, no. You stay here and look after everybody. 1056 01:33:12,948 --> 01:33:16,566 - Goodbye, Miss Price. - Goodbye, Mr Browne. 1057 01:34:07,670 --> 01:34:11,453 - When is the next train to London? - Lord bless ye, ain't no train. 1058 01:34:11,548 --> 01:34:14,086 Not until milk job, 4 a.m. Tomorrow morning. 1059 01:34:14,176 --> 01:34:17,379 - Mind if I await it here? - Suit yourself. Good night, sir. 1060 01:34:17,471 --> 01:34:19,677 Good night. 1061 01:34:41,161 --> 01:34:43,450 Out you go, Cosmic. 1062 01:34:50,921 --> 01:34:52,546 Hello? 1063 01:35:08,731 --> 01:35:12,016 Emelius Browne, do you know you could be warm and cosy 1064 01:35:12,109 --> 01:35:14,481 in that house at this very moment? 1065 01:35:14,570 --> 01:35:18,982 For once in your useless life, you really seem to have been needed. 1066 01:35:19,074 --> 01:35:22,028 You're a failure, Emelius Browne, 1067 01:35:22,119 --> 01:35:24,076 and a coward. 1068 01:35:25,456 --> 01:35:29,240 No, Fräulein, this is not the invasion, just a little exercise. 1069 01:35:29,335 --> 01:35:33,628 A minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. 1070 01:35:33,714 --> 01:35:35,920 When you English get it through your head 1071 01:35:36,008 --> 01:35:39,459 that the German forces can land whenever and wherever we please, 1072 01:35:39,553 --> 01:35:42,009 perhaps you will consider reasonable peace. 1073 01:35:42,097 --> 01:35:44,719 Not bloody likely! 1074 01:35:44,808 --> 01:35:47,264 Go on, Miss Price. Do it to him. 1075 01:35:47,353 --> 01:35:50,307 I must say, it's very tempting. 1076 01:35:50,397 --> 01:35:54,810 Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a white rabbit? 1077 01:35:57,071 --> 01:36:00,903 I said, how would you feel about being turned into a white rabbit? 1078 01:36:02,534 --> 01:36:04,112 Be quiet, please. 1079 01:36:07,331 --> 01:36:09,573 Filigree, apogee, epogee... 1080 01:36:11,418 --> 01:36:15,036 - Not again! - Your memory, Miss Price. 1081 01:36:17,383 --> 01:36:20,218 Would you kindly fetch my notebook from the workroom? 1082 01:36:20,302 --> 01:36:21,465 Righto. 1083 01:36:26,183 --> 01:36:28,674 Silence! 1084 01:36:29,645 --> 01:36:31,222 We have work to do. 1085 01:36:31,313 --> 01:36:33,982 I am sorry, but I must send all of you some place 1086 01:36:34,066 --> 01:36:36,391 where you will no longer be a nuisance. 1087 01:36:47,496 --> 01:36:50,367 As the words sell the tune 1088 01:36:50,457 --> 01:36:53,031 And the moonbeams the moon 1089 01:36:53,127 --> 01:36:57,705 All I need to succeed in my plan 1090 01:36:58,841 --> 01:37:04,511 Is a champion rare with a flourish and a flair 1091 01:37:40,966 --> 01:37:42,674 Eglantine! 1092 01:39:11,974 --> 01:39:15,473 Where's the spell for rabbits? The easiest of all, she said. 1093 01:39:17,271 --> 01:39:21,185 Confound it, can't women ever learn to file things properly? 1094 01:39:27,239 --> 01:39:28,270 Here it is. 1095 01:39:28,365 --> 01:39:32,149 Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee. That's it. 1096 01:39:37,458 --> 01:39:39,534 Filigree... 1097 01:39:39,626 --> 01:39:42,960 apogee, pedigree, perigee. 1098 01:39:50,137 --> 01:39:55,214 Come along. For once in your life, you've got to believe in something. 1099 01:39:55,309 --> 01:39:56,933 That's it. Good lad. 1100 01:39:58,145 --> 01:40:02,771 Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee. 1101 01:40:32,262 --> 01:40:36,260 What's the use of putting us in that draughty castle? 1102 01:40:36,350 --> 01:40:38,010 It's quite chilly. 1103 01:40:38,102 --> 01:40:42,313 The colonel believes when a British female decides to become a nuisance, 1104 01:40:42,398 --> 01:40:45,019 she can become the greatest nuisance in the world, 1105 01:40:45,109 --> 01:40:47,730 and I'm inclined to agree with him. 1106 01:40:48,404 --> 01:40:50,028 You need a lesson in manners. 1107 01:40:50,114 --> 01:40:53,696 If I had my notebook, I'd make certain you'd learn a few. 1108 01:41:08,465 --> 01:41:10,422 Jumping Jehosophat! More Jerries! 1109 01:41:22,146 --> 01:41:24,684 Take it easy, can't you? 1110 01:41:24,773 --> 01:41:27,264 - Try holding your breath. - I am holding it. 1111 01:41:27,359 --> 01:41:31,060 We could strip him down and grease him with soap. 1112 01:41:31,155 --> 01:41:35,733 No, it's no good. We can't do it. 1113 01:41:35,826 --> 01:41:38,743 I could have told you that in the first place. 1114 01:41:41,290 --> 01:41:45,453 If we can't get Paul out we'll just have to think of something else. 1115 01:41:45,544 --> 01:41:48,249 What about that spell that makes things move about? 1116 01:41:48,339 --> 01:41:51,921 - But I'd need weapons. - How about all these things? 1117 01:41:53,510 --> 01:41:56,180 I'm afraid they're a bit ancient. 1118 01:41:57,514 --> 01:42:01,049 - Where did this come from? - It's Mr Browne! 1119 01:42:01,143 --> 01:42:04,726 He's on his way to London. 1120 01:42:05,314 --> 01:42:06,345 Mr Browne? 1121 01:42:08,609 --> 01:42:12,060 If you are Mr Browne, would you get off my lap? 1122 01:42:13,322 --> 01:42:16,276 It is Mr Browne! 1123 01:42:17,368 --> 01:42:20,155 It is you! 1124 01:42:20,245 --> 01:42:23,033 You didn't think that I could do that spell, did you? 1125 01:42:23,123 --> 01:42:26,907 I am glad to see you! But what about all these Germans? 1126 01:42:27,002 --> 01:42:30,336 What's wrong with the substitutiary locomotion spell? 1127 01:42:30,422 --> 01:42:33,257 - That ought to be useful. - It isn't ready yet. 1128 01:42:33,342 --> 01:42:35,963 - You saw what happened. - We have to chance it. 1129 01:42:36,053 --> 01:42:39,801 We can't let these so-and-sos get away with their beastly little raid. 1130 01:42:39,890 --> 01:42:43,010 Won't you get up off the floor? We'll go to work. 1131 01:43:02,079 --> 01:43:04,118 - Jolly good luck, my dear. - Thank you. 1132 01:43:04,206 --> 01:43:06,531 Let's hope you haven't forgotten the spell. 1133 01:43:06,625 --> 01:43:08,914 - Not this time. - Found this in the castle. 1134 01:43:09,003 --> 01:43:12,169 Probably not magic, but it might make you feel more at home. 1135 01:43:12,256 --> 01:43:14,877 Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you. 1136 01:43:14,967 --> 01:43:17,374 Let's get out of Miss Price's way. 1137 01:43:24,435 --> 01:43:27,270 Treguna... 1138 01:43:27,354 --> 01:43:30,557 mekoides... 1139 01:43:30,649 --> 01:43:32,441 trecorum... 1140 01:43:33,652 --> 01:43:37,270 satis dee. 1141 01:43:58,469 --> 01:44:00,342 Look! 1142 01:46:56,146 --> 01:46:58,056 Sound the advance! 1143 01:47:02,569 --> 01:47:04,396 Just in time for the kick-off. 1144 01:47:38,355 --> 01:47:39,897 Steady on the left. 1145 01:47:41,483 --> 01:47:45,563 Victory for England and St George! 1146 01:47:47,197 --> 01:47:48,989 Like a Lord Mayor's show! 1147 01:47:49,074 --> 01:47:51,031 Pikemen, hold your distance. 1148 01:47:51,118 --> 01:47:54,653 Treguna mekoides 1149 01:47:54,747 --> 01:47:58,198 and trecorum satis dee 1150 01:48:30,616 --> 01:48:32,324 Blimey! 1151 01:49:05,484 --> 01:49:08,734 - Where's it coming from? - Sounds like the sea road, sir. 1152 01:49:08,821 --> 01:49:11,359 Come on, lads! After me. 1153 01:50:46,085 --> 01:50:48,326 Good shooting, bowmen! 1154 01:50:55,511 --> 01:50:58,714 Well caught, sir. Very good. 1155 01:51:06,980 --> 01:51:09,187 Knock his block off! That's it! 1156 01:51:09,274 --> 01:51:12,560 Mr Browne, make those children take cover! 1157 01:52:20,721 --> 01:52:24,932 Are you still there, Colonel? I thought you'd be on your way by now. 1158 01:52:28,312 --> 01:52:32,773 You see? Things may not be so easy for you after all. 1159 01:52:44,953 --> 01:52:46,745 Goodbye, Colonel! 1160 01:53:35,462 --> 01:53:36,873 Eglantine. 1161 01:53:38,173 --> 01:53:39,668 Dear Mr Browne. 1162 01:53:39,758 --> 01:53:43,970 - We thought they'd damaged you. - See? No one can hurt Miss Price. 1163 01:53:46,015 --> 01:53:49,929 There they are, lads! I said something was afoot! 1164 01:53:50,019 --> 01:53:52,592 All right. Drive them into the sea. 1165 01:53:52,688 --> 01:53:55,095 Firing positions. Both sides. 1166 01:54:01,071 --> 01:54:03,989 All right, men. Hold your fire. 1167 01:54:07,369 --> 01:54:09,943 I think we've taught the Hun a lesson. 1168 01:54:10,039 --> 01:54:13,289 He'll think twice before coming back here again. 1169 01:54:14,710 --> 01:54:19,586 It's tragic. All your spells, your equipment. All gone. 1170 01:54:19,673 --> 01:54:23,457 Still, I was able to perform some small service first. 1171 01:54:24,261 --> 01:54:27,796 That mean you ain't gonna be a witch no more? Never? 1172 01:54:27,890 --> 01:54:32,101 No, Paul. I realised some time ago that I could never be a proper witch. 1173 01:54:32,186 --> 01:54:36,053 Was it that first magic moment when you laid eyes on me? 1174 01:54:36,148 --> 01:54:40,609 No. It was the day my poisoned dragon's liver arrived. 1175 01:54:40,694 --> 01:54:45,273 I knew that anyone who felt the way I did about poisoned dragon's liver 1176 01:54:45,366 --> 01:54:48,366 had no business being a witch. 1177 01:54:56,210 --> 01:54:59,294 - Certain you're doing the right thing? - Well, I think so. 1178 01:54:59,380 --> 01:55:01,835 It's much too dangerous being a civilian. 1179 01:55:01,924 --> 01:55:03,833 Take care of yourself, guv. 1180 01:55:03,926 --> 01:55:07,758 I'll do that. And I'll be back before you've grown an inch taller. 1181 01:55:07,846 --> 01:55:11,298 - We'll be together again. - Sounds like you have an escort. 1182 01:55:17,398 --> 01:55:19,639 Well, here we go. 1183 01:55:38,961 --> 01:55:41,962 - Permission to move off, sir. - Carry on, sergeant. 1184 01:55:44,049 --> 01:55:46,587 Parade, by the right, 1185 01:55:46,677 --> 01:55:48,966 quick march! 1186 01:55:59,773 --> 01:56:05,147 Suppose that's it. We ain't gonna have no fun no more. 1187 01:56:05,237 --> 01:56:07,479 Still got this, ain't I? 1188 01:56:15,289 --> 01:56:19,417 Call out the navy, call out the ranks 1189 01:56:19,501 --> 01:56:23,879 Call out the air force, call out the tanks 1190 01:56:23,964 --> 01:56:27,629 From the cliffs of Dover call up the gulls 1191 01:56:27,718 --> 01:56:31,763 And don't forget the loyal territorials 1192 01:56:31,847 --> 01:56:36,805 But who's digging in here? Who will defend 1193 01:56:36,894 --> 01:56:41,105 Every inch of England, no matter what they send? 1194 01:56:41,190 --> 01:56:45,104 Who's standing firm in our own front yard? 1195 01:56:45,194 --> 01:56:49,143 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard, that's who 1196 01:56:49,239 --> 01:56:54,993 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard