1 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:48,280 - Do you think they'll come, sir? - Oh, they'll come, all right. 2 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,880 Here. Stamp those and mail them. 3 00:04:28,717 --> 00:04:30,717 It's ringing. 4 00:04:30,797 --> 00:04:35,237 Would you walk Myron the other way? My leg looks like a tree in this fog. 5 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,677 Come on. 6 00:04:38,037 --> 00:04:41,036 What a godforsaken spot to get lost. 7 00:04:41,076 --> 00:04:44,996 It's true. I saw a much better spot a few miles back. 8 00:05:00,075 --> 00:05:02,475 Oh, good. Tell them we're lost. 9 00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:12,754 - Nobody answered. The phone went dead. - Then why did you say "hello"? 10 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,834 - I could've sworn... - What, Dickie? 11 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,154 It sounded as though somebody snipped the wire. 12 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,594 Really? What did it sound like? 13 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,314 Snip. 14 00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:31,833 - Some fog, eh, Pop? - I've already heard the weather report. 15 00:05:31,913 --> 00:05:33,353 Drive, please. 16 00:05:33,393 --> 00:05:35,553 It's as thick as pea soup. 17 00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:37,833 Not a soul around for miles. 18 00:05:37,873 --> 00:05:40,713 Know what I think? Perfect place for a murder. 19 00:05:40,753 --> 00:05:44,872 Conversation like television set on honeymoon... 20 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,312 unnecessary. 21 00:06:20,390 --> 00:06:22,230 Where are we going, anyway, Pop? 22 00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:24,870 Who is this Mr. Twain who invited you for the weekend? 23 00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:27,110 What did he mean by "dinner and a murder"? 24 00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:29,830 Questions like athlete's foot... 25 00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:33,069 after while, very irritating. 26 00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:36,549 To stop car, please. 27 00:06:36,589 --> 00:06:38,789 - What's wrong? - Stop car, please. 28 00:06:41,909 --> 00:06:43,829 To shut engine off, please. 29 00:06:45,549 --> 00:06:46,908 Listen. 30 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,268 I don't hear nothin'. What do you hear? 31 00:06:50,348 --> 00:06:53,988 - Double negative and dog. - So it's a dog. So what? 32 00:06:54,028 --> 00:06:55,628 If not mistaken... 33 00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:58,348 dog belong to Mr. Dick Charleston. 34 00:06:58,428 --> 00:07:00,708 - Who's Dick Charleston? - I am, thank you. 35 00:07:00,748 --> 00:07:04,227 You don't happen to have seen a little white... Wang! 36 00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:05,747 A white Wang? 37 00:07:05,827 --> 00:07:09,547 Good heavens! Sidney Wang! What are you doing in this godforsaken spot? 38 00:07:09,587 --> 00:07:11,467 No doubt, same as you. 39 00:07:11,507 --> 00:07:15,947 Looking for bridge that lead to home of host, Mr. Lionel Twain. 40 00:07:16,027 --> 00:07:17,427 You, too, huh? 41 00:07:17,507 --> 00:07:20,226 Must be important, to invite two such eminent detectives. 42 00:07:20,266 --> 00:07:23,586 Excuse, please, to introduce Japanese son Willie. 43 00:07:24,746 --> 00:07:26,426 Japanese? But I thought surely you... 44 00:07:26,506 --> 00:07:28,866 Mrs. Wang and I could never have children. 45 00:07:28,946 --> 00:07:31,426 Willie... adopted number three son. 46 00:07:31,466 --> 00:07:33,825 My pleasure. Be careful on this road. It's treacherous. 47 00:07:33,865 --> 00:07:37,185 Treacherous road like fresh mushroom. Must always... 48 00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:40,745 Idiot! Not finish mushroom story. 49 00:07:40,825 --> 00:07:42,465 You're idiot! 50 00:07:49,145 --> 00:07:51,944 Well, I'm sorry, Monsieur Perrier, but I can see nothing. 51 00:07:52,024 --> 00:07:53,824 This fog is as thick as bouillabaisse. 52 00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,744 - Nuts! - I beg your pardon? 53 00:07:55,784 --> 00:07:59,264 Nuts, nuts! There are no nuts in my chocolate! 54 00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:02,984 You let that imbecile in the shop give you raisins when I asked for nuts. 55 00:08:03,064 --> 00:08:04,744 He didn't have any nuts. 56 00:08:06,183 --> 00:08:09,623 - The man in the shop? - That's the reason I took the raisins. 57 00:08:09,703 --> 00:08:11,743 Never mind. 58 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,463 We will soon be there for dinner. Hot soup. 59 00:08:14,503 --> 00:08:17,543 Still, monsieur, something is not right in all of this, huh? 60 00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,463 I can feel it in my "buns". 61 00:08:21,063 --> 00:08:23,382 - In your what? - In my buns. 62 00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:26,702 Buns? You have buns? 63 00:08:26,782 --> 00:08:28,982 You bought buns, and you didn't tell me? 64 00:08:29,062 --> 00:08:31,422 - Where are the buns? - Oh, no, monsieur. 65 00:08:31,462 --> 00:08:33,662 The bones in my body. 66 00:08:33,702 --> 00:08:37,661 You should not speak with an accent when you know I'm so hungry. 67 00:08:46,421 --> 00:08:49,221 If you ask me, Sam, this is a wild goose chase. 68 00:08:49,301 --> 00:08:51,301 - Nobody asked you, baby. - Yes, they did. 69 00:08:51,381 --> 00:08:54,300 You asked me back there if I thought... 70 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:56,260 That was then. This is now. 71 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,620 And nobody knows what tomorrow will be. 72 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:01,860 That's the way things are, whether we like it or not. 73 00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:04,740 Sam, I really worry about you sometimes. 74 00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:08,220 All right. Cut the malarkey. This trip is strictly business with me. 75 00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:10,019 What do you got on this Twain? 76 00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:12,419 He was born in San Francisco in 1906. 77 00:09:12,499 --> 00:09:15,579 His mother was a Roman Catholic. His father was an orthodox Jew. 78 00:09:15,619 --> 00:09:17,859 They were separated two hours after the marriage. 79 00:09:17,939 --> 00:09:20,739 - Any children? - Yeah, one daughter, 32. 80 00:09:20,819 --> 00:09:23,259 Her name's Irene, but she calls herself Rita. 81 00:09:23,339 --> 00:09:25,178 Just like a dame. 82 00:09:25,218 --> 00:09:27,218 Don't stop, angel. You're doing fine. 83 00:09:27,298 --> 00:09:31,258 He was arrested in 1932 in Chicago for selling pornographic Bibles. 84 00:09:31,298 --> 00:09:33,178 The D.A. couldn't make the charge stick... 85 00:09:33,218 --> 00:09:35,098 when the church refused to turn over the Bibles. 86 00:09:35,138 --> 00:09:37,618 There's nothing on him until '46... 87 00:09:37,698 --> 00:09:40,018 when he was picked up in El Paso, Texas... 88 00:09:40,098 --> 00:09:42,737 for trying to smuggle a truckload of rich white Americans... 89 00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:46,017 across the border into Mexico to pick melons. 90 00:09:46,097 --> 00:09:49,337 He was sent to the Dallas State Hospital for mental observation. 91 00:09:49,377 --> 00:09:52,217 I think we picked ourselves a queer bird, angel. 92 00:09:52,257 --> 00:09:53,617 Anything else? 93 00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:55,577 Yeah. Get this, Sam. 94 00:09:55,617 --> 00:09:58,776 Lionel Twain has one interesting physical characteristic. 95 00:09:58,816 --> 00:10:00,256 He has no pinkies. 96 00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:03,256 No pinkies? 97 00:10:03,296 --> 00:10:05,376 Twain has only got eight fingers? 98 00:10:05,456 --> 00:10:07,576 No, no. He's got ten. 99 00:10:07,616 --> 00:10:09,496 He just doesn't have any pinkies. 100 00:10:09,536 --> 00:10:12,375 - You did your homework good, angel. - Thanks, Sam. 101 00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:15,615 - Where'd you dig up all that stuff? - I wrote to Twain and asked him. 102 00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:17,815 Good thinkin'. 103 00:10:19,775 --> 00:10:23,295 - What's the matter? - Wouldn't you know, out of gas. 104 00:10:25,215 --> 00:10:29,014 I saw a station about five miles back, Sam. 105 00:10:30,374 --> 00:10:32,894 I want you to know I'm going to be waiting for you. 106 00:10:44,893 --> 00:10:48,573 Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me. 107 00:10:48,613 --> 00:10:51,573 One way to find out. Drive across. 108 00:10:51,613 --> 00:10:53,973 Aren't you going to come with me? 109 00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:57,053 Weight of two men may be too much for bridge. 110 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:59,093 Then why do I get to drive the car? 111 00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:01,852 'Cause I smart enough to get out first. 112 00:11:17,171 --> 00:11:20,051 I don't think I'm going to make it. It's going to collapse. 113 00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:23,411 Not worry. Father find other way to house. 114 00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,170 I made it, Pop! I made it! 115 00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:39,130 Good! Good! 116 00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:41,530 Now come back and get adopted father. 117 00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:47,449 Look at invitation. What number of house? 118 00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:49,809 - 2-2... - Correct. 119 00:11:49,849 --> 00:11:51,409 22 Twain's house. 120 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:52,849 Continue. 121 00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:19,407 - Did you see that? - No. 122 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,527 Neither did I. 123 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:30,447 Stop! Do not move. 124 00:12:30,487 --> 00:12:32,527 Something wrong here. 125 00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:35,766 - What is it, Pop? - Do not ask questions. Do as I say. 126 00:12:35,846 --> 00:12:38,646 When I tell you jump, you jump. 127 00:12:38,726 --> 00:12:41,046 One, two, three... 128 00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,406 jump! 129 00:12:44,406 --> 00:12:46,126 Holy Shanghai! 130 00:12:47,406 --> 00:12:49,686 Nice counting, Pop. But how'd you know? 131 00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:51,125 Look on ground. 132 00:12:54,245 --> 00:12:56,565 Even had correct shoe size. 133 00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,445 Someone gone great trouble... 134 00:12:58,485 --> 00:13:02,125 to make welcome guests not so welcome. 135 00:13:02,165 --> 00:13:04,245 Ring bell, please? 136 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,764 Are you nuts? Someone's trying to kill us. 137 00:13:06,844 --> 00:13:10,924 Yes. Should make exciting weekend. Ring, please. 138 00:13:11,844 --> 00:13:13,684 I wish it was Monday morning. 139 00:13:16,244 --> 00:13:17,764 Well, here goes. 140 00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:22,363 Holy cow! They're killing someone in there! 141 00:13:22,443 --> 00:13:24,563 - Calm yourself. - Didn't you hear her scream? 142 00:13:24,643 --> 00:13:26,843 No. You heard scream. 143 00:13:26,923 --> 00:13:29,763 More experienced ear heard doorbell. 144 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,243 Listen again. 145 00:13:35,923 --> 00:13:39,722 Mr. Twain has macabre sense of humor, yeah? 146 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,601 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 147 00:14:04,681 --> 00:14:06,281 But in what condition? 148 00:14:06,361 --> 00:14:08,481 Roof in need of repair. 149 00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:12,640 Indeed. I'm afraid the house is falling apart. 150 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:18,080 - May we come in, please? - I'm sorry. I thought you were in. 151 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,320 You are Mr. And Mrs. Charleston? 152 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,080 Not quite. 153 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,519 I am Inspector Wang of Catalina, please. 154 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,799 This adopted son Willie. 155 00:14:30,079 --> 00:14:33,519 I trust you had a pleasant journey despite the storm? 156 00:14:44,878 --> 00:14:46,598 Strange weather. 157 00:14:46,638 --> 00:14:50,318 Storm only outside when inside. 158 00:14:50,398 --> 00:14:54,318 Oh, that. That's just one of Mr. Twain's little toys. 159 00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:56,158 An electronic device. 160 00:14:56,238 --> 00:14:58,757 Mr. Twain, as you will soon discover... 161 00:14:58,837 --> 00:15:01,517 prefers his atmosphere murky. 162 00:15:01,557 --> 00:15:04,477 - May I have your bags, sir? - No, no. 163 00:15:04,557 --> 00:15:07,877 Son will get bags. That is why I adopted him. 164 00:15:07,917 --> 00:15:09,517 Very good, sir. 165 00:15:09,597 --> 00:15:12,877 One moment, please, while I close the door. 166 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:18,076 Now, if you will follow me... 167 00:15:18,156 --> 00:15:20,316 I will show you to your room. 168 00:15:30,835 --> 00:15:34,235 Very large house. No other servants? 169 00:15:34,315 --> 00:15:37,115 I'm not sure. I've never seen anyone. 170 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:43,955 Mr. Twain asked me to see that you're made most comfortable... 171 00:15:44,035 --> 00:15:46,874 and to say that he will be joining you after dinner. 172 00:15:46,954 --> 00:15:50,754 After dinner? Host not have dinner with guests? 173 00:15:50,794 --> 00:15:54,554 No. Mr. Twain prefers to eat out. 174 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,953 Wait, please. What that? 175 00:16:09,993 --> 00:16:12,153 That? It's nothing, sir. Just the cat. 176 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,913 That cat? 177 00:16:15,993 --> 00:16:18,592 You feed cat dog food? 178 00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:21,232 I'm afraid he's a very angry cat, sir. 179 00:16:21,312 --> 00:16:24,992 Mr. Twain had him fixed, and he didn't want to be. 180 00:16:27,552 --> 00:16:29,312 Big house, huh, Pop? 181 00:16:29,352 --> 00:16:32,472 Big house like man married to fat woman... 182 00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:34,431 hard to get around. 183 00:16:34,511 --> 00:16:36,071 Ah, here we are. 184 00:16:37,191 --> 00:16:39,191 I'm sure you'll find this suitable. 185 00:16:39,271 --> 00:16:42,071 - It's a cold house. - I've taken care of that. 186 00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:45,271 You'll find a nice, cozy fire in your room. 187 00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:04,789 It's a bit smoky, sir. 188 00:17:04,869 --> 00:17:08,349 I'm afraid that old fireplace hasn't been used in years. 189 00:17:08,389 --> 00:17:10,269 At least the bed will be warm. 190 00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:13,189 If you wish anything, sir, please ring. 191 00:17:13,269 --> 00:17:17,549 - Where buzzer? - It's behind the bed, sir, there. 192 00:17:17,629 --> 00:17:19,469 Dinner will be at 9:00... 193 00:17:19,549 --> 00:17:22,428 and Mr. Twain likes his guests to dress. 194 00:17:24,788 --> 00:17:26,868 The doorbell. Excuse me. 195 00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:32,308 Wow! What a creepy guy. 196 00:17:32,388 --> 00:17:34,708 Why would anyone want to hire a blind butler? 197 00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:36,867 For one thing, very cheap. 198 00:17:36,947 --> 00:17:40,067 How butler know how much he get paid? 199 00:17:43,747 --> 00:17:45,627 Drink this, darling. You'll feel better. 200 00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:49,027 If Myron hadn't barked, we never would have seen that statue falling. 201 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:51,826 I don't think that statue was meant to kill us. I think it was a warning. 202 00:17:51,906 --> 00:17:53,626 Somebody's trying to frighten us, but why? 203 00:17:53,666 --> 00:17:56,186 Whatever his reason is, he's doing a wonderful job. 204 00:17:56,226 --> 00:17:58,106 Why the devil hasn't anybody answered this door? 205 00:17:58,146 --> 00:18:00,506 Don't ring it again! Knock, don't ring. 206 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,066 I won't, I promise. 207 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,345 - What is it now, Myron? - Up there, Dora. Look. 208 00:18:13,505 --> 00:18:17,105 - A blind butler. - Don't let him park the car, Dickie. 209 00:18:23,904 --> 00:18:27,224 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 210 00:18:27,264 --> 00:18:30,304 We let ourselves in, thank you. Dick and Dora Charleston. 211 00:18:30,384 --> 00:18:33,264 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 212 00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:37,304 Your room is ready, if you'll follow me, please. 213 00:18:38,824 --> 00:18:42,263 Don't mind him, ma'am. It's just the cat. 214 00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:47,543 We left our luggage in the trunk. 215 00:18:47,583 --> 00:18:50,903 I'll get it later, ma'am, when I park the car. 216 00:18:53,823 --> 00:18:55,822 Was that Mr. Wang's car I noticed out front? 217 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,422 Yes. They're resting now in their room. 218 00:18:58,502 --> 00:19:02,062 I have taken the liberty of putting you in the same wing as Mr. Wang. 219 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,942 Isn't that nice, darling? We're in Wang's wing. 220 00:19:12,781 --> 00:19:15,701 Not many people come to the manor these days. 221 00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:18,181 It's nice to hear guests again. 222 00:19:18,261 --> 00:19:20,101 - Thank you. You are? - Benson, ma'am. 223 00:19:20,181 --> 00:19:21,541 Thank you, Benson. 224 00:19:22,581 --> 00:19:24,741 Bensonmum. My name is Bensonmum. 225 00:19:24,821 --> 00:19:28,020 - Bensonmum? - Yes, sir. Jamesir Bensonmum. 226 00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:29,940 - Jamesir? - Yes, sir. 227 00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:32,220 - Jamesir Bensonmum? - Yes, sir. 228 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,780 - How odd. - My father's name, sir. 229 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,860 - What was your father's name? - Howard. 230 00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:39,700 - Howard. Howard Bensonmum. - Your father was Howard Bensonmum? 231 00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:41,620 Leave it be. I've had enough. 232 00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:44,699 Here we are. The late Mrs. Twain's room. 233 00:19:44,779 --> 00:19:46,579 She died in here. 234 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,459 - Oh, dear. - Died of what? 235 00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:51,579 She murdered herself in her sleep, sir. 236 00:19:51,619 --> 00:19:53,619 - You mean suicide? - Oh, no. 237 00:19:53,699 --> 00:19:55,819 It was murder, all right. 238 00:19:55,899 --> 00:19:58,738 Mrs. Twain hated herself. 239 00:19:58,778 --> 00:20:01,378 We keep this room locked. 240 00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:04,738 - Why is that? - Mr. Twain loved her very much. 241 00:20:04,818 --> 00:20:09,298 He's kept her room just as it was the night she choked herself... 242 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:11,738 nine years ago. 243 00:20:20,217 --> 00:20:22,137 Madam loved it here. 244 00:20:22,217 --> 00:20:25,177 She said it was the cheeriest room in the house. 245 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,776 - Ah, the doorbell. - That was Mrs. Charleston. 246 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,176 - I thought she was here with us. - I am. 247 00:20:35,256 --> 00:20:37,976 I will not stay in this horribly filthy room overnight. 248 00:20:38,016 --> 00:20:41,696 Filthy? Very well, madam. I'll attend to it during dinner. 249 00:20:41,776 --> 00:20:43,856 - Thank you, Benson, sir. - Mum! 250 00:20:43,896 --> 00:20:47,255 - What? - Bensonmum. Ma'am. 251 00:20:53,415 --> 00:20:54,895 Baking flour. 252 00:20:54,935 --> 00:20:57,615 - What? - This dust is baking flour. 253 00:20:57,655 --> 00:21:00,055 And these cobwebs... candied sugar. 254 00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:03,374 All placed here recently for the sole purpose of frightening us. 255 00:21:03,414 --> 00:21:06,734 And that mouse... obviously a mechanical toy. 256 00:21:10,254 --> 00:21:12,374 - Silly. - What is? 257 00:21:12,454 --> 00:21:14,894 I am. It's real. 258 00:21:20,693 --> 00:21:22,573 Stop the car. We are here. 259 00:21:22,613 --> 00:21:24,653 I know we are here. That's why I stopped the car. 260 00:21:24,693 --> 00:21:27,093 - Open my door. - You have chocolate on your face. 261 00:21:27,173 --> 00:21:29,293 - What? - The candy bar is all over your face. 262 00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:32,653 - Imbecile, that's my mustache! - Lick it and see. 263 00:21:36,052 --> 00:21:38,252 Wipe it off. My hands are sticky. 264 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,532 Hold still, please. 265 00:21:44,612 --> 00:21:46,612 Sloppy. 266 00:21:52,051 --> 00:21:53,771 All in good time. 267 00:22:00,331 --> 00:22:02,411 Yes? 268 00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:03,931 Who's there? 269 00:22:05,970 --> 00:22:07,690 Who's there, I say? 270 00:22:11,450 --> 00:22:13,730 Filthy neighborhood. 271 00:22:13,810 --> 00:22:15,490 Didn't I say "jump"? 272 00:22:15,570 --> 00:22:18,850 "Un, deux, trois, jump," I say. Why don't you listen to me? 273 00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:21,569 - Oh, leave me alone. - Sloppy. 274 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,408 Who are you? 275 00:22:45,888 --> 00:22:50,128 You must be the new kitchen maid. I hope you can cook. 276 00:22:50,208 --> 00:22:53,207 Hmm? Answer me. Speak up. 277 00:22:57,247 --> 00:23:00,607 What's that? I can't hear you. 278 00:23:00,687 --> 00:23:03,967 A little shy, are you? Never mind. 279 00:23:05,607 --> 00:23:07,687 There will be ten for dinner. 280 00:23:10,126 --> 00:23:12,006 Here is the menu. 281 00:23:24,046 --> 00:23:27,565 Is that understood? And dinner will be at 9:00. 282 00:23:27,645 --> 00:23:31,845 When I want you, that bell on the wall will ring three times. 283 00:23:31,885 --> 00:23:34,085 All right. Get to work. 284 00:23:43,364 --> 00:23:46,644 Operator. I am saying, "Hello, hello." 285 00:23:46,724 --> 00:23:48,964 - It's dead, sir. - What? 286 00:23:49,004 --> 00:23:50,924 Who is? Who are you? 287 00:23:51,004 --> 00:23:52,444 The butler, sir. 288 00:23:52,524 --> 00:23:55,764 The butler, eh? I thought as much. 289 00:23:55,844 --> 00:23:59,563 That phone has been out of order for the past week, sir. 290 00:23:59,643 --> 00:24:01,163 Is that a fact? 291 00:24:01,243 --> 00:24:05,323 And I put it to you that this wire has been snipped not one hour ago... 292 00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:07,643 as you can plainly see. 293 00:24:07,723 --> 00:24:09,243 What is your name? 294 00:24:12,362 --> 00:24:14,602 Your little jest escapes me. 295 00:24:14,642 --> 00:24:16,842 I am Monsieur Milo Perrier. 296 00:24:16,882 --> 00:24:19,282 My chauffeur was injured by a falling gargoyle... 297 00:24:19,362 --> 00:24:22,082 while standing outside in Chinese footprints. 298 00:24:22,122 --> 00:24:24,322 We rang the bell, a woman screamed... 299 00:24:24,362 --> 00:24:26,562 a mouse ran by us through the door. 300 00:24:26,602 --> 00:24:29,441 As you can plainly see, I miss nothing. 301 00:24:29,481 --> 00:24:31,681 Since we cannot call for a doctor... 302 00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:33,921 I will need a cold compress for my chauffeur... 303 00:24:33,961 --> 00:24:36,161 and a cup of hot chocolate for me, n'est-ce pas? 304 00:24:36,201 --> 00:24:39,201 I don't think we have n'est-ce pas, sir. Just Hershey's. 305 00:24:39,241 --> 00:24:41,041 I'll call the maid. 306 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,520 I'll fetch it for you myself, sir. 307 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,359 In the meantime, if you'll be good enough to follow me to your room. 308 00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:03,759 Get up. Get up. 309 00:25:03,839 --> 00:25:06,799 There is something about this butler I do not trust. 310 00:25:06,879 --> 00:25:09,919 Notice how his eyes never look at you. 311 00:25:09,959 --> 00:25:11,719 He's blind, monsieur. 312 00:25:13,639 --> 00:25:15,039 Nonsense. 313 00:25:19,878 --> 00:25:21,558 There's the house now. 314 00:25:22,878 --> 00:25:25,758 - What's the matter? - My feet are killing me. 315 00:25:25,798 --> 00:25:30,078 Why didn't you tell me we needed oil before I went back for the gas? 316 00:25:30,118 --> 00:25:32,797 Because I gave you $50, and the gas was only five bucks. 317 00:25:32,837 --> 00:25:34,717 Maybe you'd come back. Maybe you wouldn't. 318 00:25:34,757 --> 00:25:36,317 I couldn't take that chance. 319 00:25:36,397 --> 00:25:39,197 - Don't you trust me, Sam? - Trust you? 320 00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:43,677 The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. 321 00:25:43,717 --> 00:25:46,397 She said she was going out to get a bottle of wine. 322 00:25:46,437 --> 00:25:49,316 Two hours later, the Germans marched into France. 323 00:25:49,396 --> 00:25:51,356 Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. 324 00:25:51,436 --> 00:25:54,116 Sorry nothing. Give me my change. 325 00:26:00,276 --> 00:26:02,116 Dinner will be at 9:00, sir. 326 00:26:02,196 --> 00:26:04,515 I'll have the maid bring up your chocolate. 327 00:26:04,595 --> 00:26:07,235 - One moment, my good man. - Sir? 328 00:26:22,234 --> 00:26:24,234 Thank you. That will be all. 329 00:26:27,314 --> 00:26:30,714 He's blind, all right. Those were my funniest faces. 330 00:26:42,113 --> 00:26:44,273 It's not exactly the Copacabana, is it? 331 00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:46,233 I don't feel good about this. 332 00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:48,833 Maybe tonight's the night your luck runs out. 333 00:26:48,913 --> 00:26:52,632 Maybe so. There's a number on the wall for all of us. 334 00:26:52,672 --> 00:26:55,832 If tonight's the night they pick mine, so be it. 335 00:26:57,072 --> 00:26:58,912 After you, sweetheart. 336 00:27:00,632 --> 00:27:03,672 - First, kiss me, Sam. - I don't kiss. 337 00:27:03,712 --> 00:27:05,352 Just this once, Sam. 338 00:27:05,432 --> 00:27:08,311 I don't like kissing. Now leave me alone. 339 00:27:19,951 --> 00:27:21,911 My God! 340 00:27:21,951 --> 00:27:23,990 - He's dead! - I beg your pardon? 341 00:27:24,030 --> 00:27:26,390 Sam Diamond, the man I work for, is lying out there. 342 00:27:26,430 --> 00:27:28,670 He's been crushed to death. 343 00:27:28,750 --> 00:27:31,670 I'm going to faint. You catch me. 344 00:27:31,750 --> 00:27:35,390 Madam. Madam, where are you? 345 00:27:35,430 --> 00:27:37,950 All right. Hold it right there. Freeze, Blinky! 346 00:27:38,030 --> 00:27:40,989 Get your hands up. Turn your face to the wall. 347 00:27:45,949 --> 00:27:48,189 All right, angel. You can get up now. 348 00:27:48,269 --> 00:27:49,909 Turn around, Jeeves. 349 00:27:52,829 --> 00:27:56,028 Your concrete Christmas present arrived about two seconds early... 350 00:27:56,108 --> 00:27:57,468 no thanks to you. 351 00:27:57,548 --> 00:28:00,508 I apologize for any unfortunate mishap, sir. 352 00:28:00,588 --> 00:28:04,428 - May I put my hands down? - Don't test your luck, Shakespeare. 353 00:28:04,508 --> 00:28:07,268 I got your little invitation to dinner... 354 00:28:07,348 --> 00:28:10,867 but I didn't realize I was gonna be the main course. 355 00:28:13,147 --> 00:28:15,427 I had a kid brother who got it the same way... 356 00:28:15,507 --> 00:28:18,787 working on a case just like this two years ago. 357 00:28:18,867 --> 00:28:22,747 That boy would've been 63 on Tuesday. 358 00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:24,827 - For two cents, I'd like to take this... - Sam, don't! 359 00:28:24,907 --> 00:28:28,586 Get him away from me! Get him away. 360 00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:32,066 Get him away before I stuff him like one of them tiger trophies... 361 00:28:32,146 --> 00:28:35,266 that his limey pals like to hang up on saloon walls. 362 00:28:35,346 --> 00:28:36,706 Please. 363 00:28:39,026 --> 00:28:41,306 He has a dreadful temper, hasn't he? 364 00:28:55,265 --> 00:28:58,144 9:00, time for dinner. 365 00:28:58,224 --> 00:29:00,784 Is everything ready? Hmm? 366 00:29:03,184 --> 00:29:04,744 I don't smell anything. 367 00:29:04,824 --> 00:29:07,344 Very light on the seasoning, are you? 368 00:29:07,424 --> 00:29:10,584 Put the soup in the tureen, and keep the squabs on a low flame. 369 00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:13,264 I'll serve cocktails. 370 00:29:13,304 --> 00:29:15,183 When you hear the bell... 371 00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:18,263 bring out the chilled asparagus... 372 00:29:18,343 --> 00:29:20,943 and turn up the flame on the squabs. 373 00:29:23,023 --> 00:29:24,783 Have you got that? 374 00:29:39,542 --> 00:29:41,462 You didn't tell me how I look. 375 00:29:41,542 --> 00:29:44,062 No different than you always look... absolutely ravishing. 376 00:29:44,942 --> 00:29:48,141 - Do you love me and adore me? - I love you and adore you. 377 00:29:48,981 --> 00:29:51,181 You still have the best tush in high society. 378 00:29:51,221 --> 00:29:53,261 Years of horseback riding, darling. 379 00:29:53,301 --> 00:29:55,701 Getting to bottom of things, Charleston? 380 00:29:55,781 --> 00:29:58,221 - Ah, Wang! Darling, you remember... - Of course. 381 00:29:58,261 --> 00:30:01,460 - Nice to see you, Ah Wang. - Always a pleasure, Mrs. Charleston. 382 00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:04,660 What a beautiful gown. You must tell me where you got it. 383 00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:08,500 This? Oh, this an old dress. Had it for years. 384 00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:12,620 Please to meet adopted son Willie. 385 00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:16,060 Ah! East meets West in a most bizarre setting. 386 00:30:17,459 --> 00:30:19,859 I didn't know you were invited. You know Wang. 387 00:30:19,939 --> 00:30:22,539 Yes. I had the pleasure of dining in Shanghai... 388 00:30:22,579 --> 00:30:24,499 many years ago with Inspector Wang. 389 00:30:27,699 --> 00:30:29,779 Oh, you remember. Yes. 390 00:30:29,859 --> 00:30:31,539 You had "Hong ching chu"... 391 00:30:31,619 --> 00:30:34,538 and I had "kow dung woo fong."' 392 00:30:34,578 --> 00:30:36,458 My wife Dora. Inspector Perrier. 393 00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:42,538 I'm sorry. Our room is so dusty. 394 00:30:42,578 --> 00:30:44,978 My fault. I should have blown first. 395 00:30:45,058 --> 00:30:49,097 May I present my secretaire and chauffeur Marcel Cassette. 396 00:30:49,137 --> 00:30:50,697 Recovered from your accident, Marcel? 397 00:30:52,497 --> 00:30:54,417 But how did you know? 398 00:30:54,497 --> 00:30:56,297 From the way you bend. 399 00:30:56,337 --> 00:30:59,137 The right side of your body smashed in by a Citroen, I imagine. 400 00:30:59,217 --> 00:31:02,057 I also thought I detected a slight metallic sound... 401 00:31:02,097 --> 00:31:04,456 which leads me to believe you've had an artificial hip put in. 402 00:31:04,496 --> 00:31:06,376 - Steel? - Aluminum. 403 00:31:06,416 --> 00:31:08,816 You're as quick as ever, Charleston. 404 00:31:08,856 --> 00:31:10,576 And you, Mr. Charleston... 405 00:31:10,616 --> 00:31:14,376 did not approve of Mrs. Charleston dying hair blonde? 406 00:31:14,416 --> 00:31:16,176 I beg your pardon? 407 00:31:16,256 --> 00:31:18,256 Mrs. Charleston hair red. 408 00:31:19,216 --> 00:31:22,735 You have blonde hairs on shoulder. 409 00:31:22,815 --> 00:31:26,335 That means she has dyed red hair to blonde... 410 00:31:26,415 --> 00:31:28,095 then back again to red. 411 00:31:28,175 --> 00:31:30,015 Or else you have been... 412 00:31:31,935 --> 00:31:34,895 So sorry. Wang is wrong. 413 00:31:34,975 --> 00:31:36,934 Shall we go to dinner, please? 414 00:31:43,694 --> 00:31:47,494 - Boy, Pop, you sure put your... - Shut Japanese mouth. 415 00:31:47,574 --> 00:31:50,694 It must be simply ghastly to have a hip removed. 416 00:31:50,734 --> 00:31:53,573 - Does it hurt? - It only hurts in damp weather. 417 00:32:00,413 --> 00:32:02,853 - Are you all right? - Pay no attention. 418 00:32:02,893 --> 00:32:05,093 You'll only spoil him. 419 00:32:05,133 --> 00:32:06,693 Get up. Get up. 420 00:32:09,612 --> 00:32:12,292 - As I was saying, Mr. Charleston... - Hey, Pop. 421 00:32:14,052 --> 00:32:17,252 A treacherous road like fresh mushrooms... 422 00:32:17,292 --> 00:32:21,572 I know. Dog stick tongue out of picture. 423 00:32:21,652 --> 00:32:24,411 Treacherous road like fresh mushrooms. 424 00:32:29,131 --> 00:32:30,691 He's a charming fellow. 425 00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:33,611 African death mask. Died in some tribal ritual, I should think. 426 00:32:33,651 --> 00:32:36,091 Wonder where others are. 427 00:32:36,171 --> 00:32:38,091 Others? 428 00:32:38,171 --> 00:32:39,850 What others? 429 00:32:39,930 --> 00:32:44,010 Invitation to dinner and murder finally clear to Wang... 430 00:32:44,090 --> 00:32:46,330 with appearance of Monsieur Perrier. 431 00:32:46,410 --> 00:32:49,130 It is obvious that only the world's greatest living detectives... 432 00:32:49,210 --> 00:32:50,730 are on the guest list. 433 00:32:50,810 --> 00:32:53,450 Five of us, to be exact, darling. Three are already here. 434 00:32:53,530 --> 00:32:55,329 Two have not yet arrived. 435 00:32:55,369 --> 00:32:57,889 - Miss Jessie Marbles of England. - And Mr... 436 00:32:57,969 --> 00:32:59,969 Sam Diamond of San Francisco. 437 00:33:00,809 --> 00:33:02,809 I know who you all are. 438 00:33:02,889 --> 00:33:05,889 The lady here in the rented dress is my secretary and mistress... 439 00:33:05,969 --> 00:33:07,369 Miss Tess Skeffington. 440 00:33:07,409 --> 00:33:10,649 - Sam, don't. - I'm sorry, sweetheart. 441 00:33:10,729 --> 00:33:13,568 Miss Skeffington doesn't like it when I'm so brutally honest. 442 00:33:13,648 --> 00:33:16,608 But then again, we're all in a brutal business, aren't we? 443 00:33:16,688 --> 00:33:21,048 Never consider murder to be business, Mr. Diamond. 444 00:33:21,128 --> 00:33:23,208 Is that right, Mr. Wang? 445 00:33:23,288 --> 00:33:26,848 Maybe not for you, seeing as how you put all your money into vegetables... 446 00:33:26,888 --> 00:33:28,767 back in the late '30s. 447 00:33:28,807 --> 00:33:31,727 Maybe our friends here don't know that you own over 50 percent... 448 00:33:31,807 --> 00:33:36,127 of the bean sprouts and the bamboo shoots grown on the Chinese mainland. 449 00:33:36,167 --> 00:33:39,007 So you folks can imagine how much chicken chow mein... 450 00:33:39,047 --> 00:33:41,447 goes into Mr. Wang's pot each year. 451 00:33:41,527 --> 00:33:43,966 - Am I getting those figures right? - Right, Sam. 452 00:33:44,046 --> 00:33:46,406 I don't see what this has to do with anything. 453 00:33:46,446 --> 00:33:48,926 Or you, Mr. Perrier. 454 00:33:49,006 --> 00:33:52,286 You work both sides of the big drink. 455 00:33:52,326 --> 00:33:55,486 Pretty good pickin's over there, solving crimes for them barons and earls... 456 00:33:55,526 --> 00:33:58,725 and puttin' your fancy fees into private Swiss banks. 457 00:33:58,805 --> 00:34:01,605 Three trips a year buys a lot of hot chocolate, don't it, Frenchy? 458 00:34:01,645 --> 00:34:03,045 Now see here, Diamond... 459 00:34:03,085 --> 00:34:08,325 You see here, Mr. Charleston of New York, Palm Beach and Beverly Hills. 460 00:34:08,405 --> 00:34:10,845 Crime is just a hobby to you, isn't it? 461 00:34:10,885 --> 00:34:13,245 It's just a little game to while away the time... 462 00:34:13,285 --> 00:34:15,764 while you're waiting for room service in some fancy hotel... 463 00:34:15,844 --> 00:34:18,404 while your wife's family dough buys your gin martinis... 464 00:34:18,484 --> 00:34:20,084 and your $300 suits. 465 00:34:20,164 --> 00:34:22,524 That's a nice arrangement when all you gotta do is... 466 00:34:22,604 --> 00:34:27,204 give your wife a grab now and then and take the dog for a leak twice a day. 467 00:34:27,284 --> 00:34:30,883 Sorry if I'm shocking you, ma'am, but I never had time for finishing school. 468 00:34:30,963 --> 00:34:32,803 My school is the streets... 469 00:34:32,883 --> 00:34:36,003 and looking down the barrel of a revolver is my teacher. 470 00:34:36,043 --> 00:34:40,403 I get $50 a day in expenses when I can get 'em, gentlemen. 471 00:34:40,483 --> 00:34:43,483 And I owe Miss Skeffington three years and two months back pay. 472 00:34:43,523 --> 00:34:44,923 Isn't that right, angel? 473 00:34:44,963 --> 00:34:47,682 - I don't care about the money. - Neither do I. 474 00:34:47,762 --> 00:34:51,282 Now, if one of you gentlemen would be so kind as to give my lady friend... 475 00:34:51,362 --> 00:34:53,202 a glass of cheap white wine... 476 00:34:53,282 --> 00:34:55,762 I'm going down the hall to find the can. 477 00:34:55,842 --> 00:34:58,642 I talk so much sometimes, I forget to go. 478 00:35:01,282 --> 00:35:04,561 Please excuse Sam. He was shot in the head last week. 479 00:35:04,641 --> 00:35:07,281 He shouldn't even be out of the hospital. 480 00:35:07,361 --> 00:35:09,521 If you ask me, I think the fellow's pretty damned honest. 481 00:35:09,601 --> 00:35:13,281 - Dickie, language. - Miss Jessica Marbles and nurse. 482 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,960 Ah, Miss Marbles. 483 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,040 So we finally meet. 484 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:30,720 I've admire you ever since I was tiny little detective. 485 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,640 Thank you, Mr. Wang. 486 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,119 I am Jessica Marbles. 487 00:35:35,199 --> 00:35:38,159 This is Miss Withers, my nurse. 488 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,119 She's been with me 52 years. 489 00:35:40,159 --> 00:35:42,879 I have to take care of the poor dear now. 490 00:35:42,919 --> 00:35:45,559 Are you all right, Miss Withers? 491 00:35:45,639 --> 00:35:47,559 Do you want your medicine now? 492 00:35:56,718 --> 00:36:00,798 She's off. I could use a good, stiff shot, Mr. Charleston. 493 00:36:00,878 --> 00:36:04,238 I believe that booze, as you call it, is your department. 494 00:36:04,318 --> 00:36:05,757 My pleasure, madam. 495 00:36:05,837 --> 00:36:07,517 Who's the old geezer? 496 00:36:09,597 --> 00:36:11,077 Jessie, baby! 497 00:36:13,197 --> 00:36:15,837 Mr. Diamond, you have a bullet hole in your back. 498 00:36:15,917 --> 00:36:18,197 You should see the other guy. 499 00:36:19,277 --> 00:36:20,957 Quiet, please. 500 00:36:21,037 --> 00:36:23,836 Observe strange sound. 501 00:36:28,196 --> 00:36:31,996 My God, it's the face. It's coming from the face. 502 00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:37,155 Actually, he's going through his final moments of death. 503 00:36:37,235 --> 00:36:39,955 - What could it mean? - It means dinner, sir. 504 00:36:39,995 --> 00:36:41,755 We have no gong. 505 00:36:50,075 --> 00:36:53,154 Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to make a toast. 506 00:36:53,234 --> 00:36:57,234 Our host, Mr. Lionel Twain, is indeed a most unique man. 507 00:36:57,314 --> 00:37:00,034 Point one: He has succeeded in gathering... 508 00:37:00,114 --> 00:37:02,274 the world's five greatest detectives... 509 00:37:02,354 --> 00:37:05,594 to investigate a crime that has not yet been committed. 510 00:37:05,674 --> 00:37:08,474 Point two: He has set traps for us... 511 00:37:08,554 --> 00:37:10,833 a bridge that almost collapses, falling statues. 512 00:37:10,873 --> 00:37:12,753 Does he mean to kill us? 513 00:37:12,793 --> 00:37:15,513 Certainly not yet. He could've done that at any time. 514 00:37:15,593 --> 00:37:17,873 He is merely trying to whet our appetites... 515 00:37:17,913 --> 00:37:19,793 for the game that is to follow. 516 00:37:19,833 --> 00:37:23,633 Point three: Why five detectives instead of one? 517 00:37:23,673 --> 00:37:26,792 Because he intends to take us all on, ladies and gentlemen... 518 00:37:26,872 --> 00:37:30,272 a feat that no criminal mind has heretofore attempted. 519 00:37:30,352 --> 00:37:33,312 Therefore, before this hellish weekend begins... 520 00:37:33,392 --> 00:37:36,192 I propose that we raise our wine glasses in a toast... 521 00:37:36,272 --> 00:37:39,232 to either a most beguiling and charming man... 522 00:37:39,312 --> 00:37:42,791 or to an insidious, fiendish madman. 523 00:37:43,991 --> 00:37:46,031 - Bottoms up. - One moment, please. 524 00:37:47,391 --> 00:37:50,151 Point four: Wine poisoned. 525 00:37:51,991 --> 00:37:56,590 An ancient, tasteless, colorless and odorless Oriental herb... 526 00:37:56,630 --> 00:37:58,190 that kills instantly. 527 00:37:58,270 --> 00:37:59,790 Observe, please. 528 00:38:07,830 --> 00:38:10,830 Great Scot, Mr. Wang. You saved our lives. 529 00:38:10,910 --> 00:38:13,629 Not quite, Mrs. Charleston. 530 00:38:13,709 --> 00:38:15,789 Bon appetit. 531 00:38:18,749 --> 00:38:23,149 Since Wang was the only one who could detect poison, he was the only tested. 532 00:38:23,229 --> 00:38:24,829 Point five: 533 00:38:24,909 --> 00:38:28,828 Mr. Twain is both beguiling and fiendish. 534 00:38:32,388 --> 00:38:34,868 - Get a doctor, quick. - No, no. 535 00:38:34,948 --> 00:38:37,548 It's all right. My wine is not poisoned. 536 00:38:37,588 --> 00:38:40,228 It was just a bad year. 537 00:38:40,308 --> 00:38:41,828 Good work, Mr. Wang. 538 00:38:41,908 --> 00:38:45,987 We must all be on our guard through every course of the meal. 539 00:38:46,067 --> 00:38:48,227 You're all forgetting one thing. 540 00:38:49,387 --> 00:38:52,907 This makes the butler pretty suspicious, since he's the one who poured the wine. 541 00:38:52,987 --> 00:38:55,147 Except for the fact that he is blind. 542 00:38:55,187 --> 00:38:57,347 How would he know which one to serve the poisoned glass to? 543 00:38:57,427 --> 00:38:59,107 That's very simple. 544 00:38:59,187 --> 00:39:02,866 Blind people have a very keen sense of smell. 545 00:39:02,906 --> 00:39:06,786 Since we're all Anglo-Saxon and Mr. Wang's son is Japanese... 546 00:39:06,866 --> 00:39:09,026 it wouldn't be hard to sniff out the Chinaman. 547 00:39:09,106 --> 00:39:11,706 See here, Diamond. That's a pretty tacky thing to say. 548 00:39:11,786 --> 00:39:14,266 It's a pretty tacky world, Mr. Charleston. 549 00:39:14,346 --> 00:39:16,945 - Isn't that right, angel? - That's right, Sam. 550 00:39:17,025 --> 00:39:20,145 Quiet, please. Butler approaches. 551 00:39:20,225 --> 00:39:22,065 I apologize for the delay. 552 00:39:22,145 --> 00:39:24,945 I seem to be having some communication problems with the cook. 553 00:39:25,025 --> 00:39:26,665 Who poured the wine? 554 00:39:26,745 --> 00:39:28,745 Mr. Twain, sir. 555 00:39:28,785 --> 00:39:32,144 It was left for me on a tray in the refrigerator. 556 00:39:32,224 --> 00:39:35,904 I was told to give Mr. Wang the glass with the sticky stem. 557 00:39:35,984 --> 00:39:37,664 And you didn't bother to ask why? 558 00:39:37,744 --> 00:39:40,464 I was lucky to find the refrigerator, sir. 559 00:39:40,544 --> 00:39:43,984 - If I may serve the soup now? - By all means. 560 00:39:54,383 --> 00:39:56,383 Yes, I'm famished. 561 00:40:10,462 --> 00:40:12,822 One moment. 562 00:40:12,902 --> 00:40:15,622 - Where is the soup? - In your dish, sir. 563 00:40:15,662 --> 00:40:18,822 There is nothing in my dish but my dish. 564 00:40:18,862 --> 00:40:22,461 - I don't understand, sir. - Here, take the spoon. 565 00:40:22,541 --> 00:40:24,381 Taste it for yourself. 566 00:40:32,661 --> 00:40:34,701 I see what you mean, sir. 567 00:40:34,781 --> 00:40:38,340 If you'll excuse me, I'd better have a little talk with the cook. 568 00:40:40,660 --> 00:40:42,300 Murder by starvation. 569 00:40:42,380 --> 00:40:45,340 Maybe that's his game, hmm? 570 00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:47,300 - What do you think, Sam? - I don't know. 571 00:40:47,380 --> 00:40:51,019 Why don't you ask the moose on the wall? He's been watchin' us since we came in. 572 00:40:54,699 --> 00:40:58,979 Ten people for dinner, and I'm serving them hot nothing! 573 00:40:59,019 --> 00:41:01,259 You can't get good help today. 574 00:41:07,338 --> 00:41:10,938 You're fired, you understand? Fired! 575 00:41:11,018 --> 00:41:13,778 I want you out, do you hear? Out! 576 00:41:19,018 --> 00:41:20,898 And stay out. 577 00:41:22,857 --> 00:41:24,737 Something just occurred to me. 578 00:41:24,777 --> 00:41:27,297 - The seating's all wrong. - How so, Mr. Charleston? 579 00:41:27,337 --> 00:41:29,977 - I'm sitting next to Dora. - What's wrong with that? 580 00:41:30,057 --> 00:41:31,937 - She's your wife, isn't she? - Exactly. 581 00:41:32,017 --> 00:41:35,297 But at a proper dinner party, the husband's never seated next to the wife. 582 00:41:35,337 --> 00:41:38,816 I should be on the opposite side of the table. Mr. Wang, will you trade places? 583 00:41:38,856 --> 00:41:41,376 - Now, Mr. Charleston? - Now, Mr. Wang. 584 00:41:44,456 --> 00:41:47,336 Just as I thought. Another test that could have cost us our lives. 585 00:41:47,376 --> 00:41:50,576 Saved only by the fact that I am enormously well-bred. 586 00:41:50,656 --> 00:41:54,175 Lucky it wasn't me. I'd have been chopped liver by now. 587 00:41:58,215 --> 00:42:00,815 Silence, please. Do not panic. 588 00:42:00,895 --> 00:42:02,735 No person move from place. 589 00:42:02,815 --> 00:42:05,135 Someone just came into the room. I hear footsteps. 590 00:42:05,215 --> 00:42:07,735 Wait! Quiet, everyone! 591 00:42:07,815 --> 00:42:10,534 - I smell something. - What is it? 592 00:42:10,574 --> 00:42:13,494 Good God! Franks and beans! 593 00:42:13,574 --> 00:42:15,974 I'm afraid that's all we have, sir. 594 00:42:16,054 --> 00:42:18,734 Dickie, don't. You know how I get when you touch me there. 595 00:42:18,814 --> 00:42:20,774 It's not me. I've got my hands in my pockets. 596 00:42:20,854 --> 00:42:23,374 - I'm afraid they're my pockets. - Sorry about that. 597 00:42:23,454 --> 00:42:25,294 Dickie, behave yourself. 598 00:42:28,293 --> 00:42:30,573 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 599 00:42:30,653 --> 00:42:32,853 I'm your host, Lionel Twain. 600 00:42:47,492 --> 00:42:49,732 Good God, what an entrance! 601 00:42:49,772 --> 00:42:54,692 Oh, a bit theatrical, Miss Marbles, but I do so love illusion. 602 00:42:54,772 --> 00:42:57,531 Please forgive my hat. I'm losing my hair. 603 00:42:57,571 --> 00:43:00,851 I thought Twain was an older man, say 72, 73. 604 00:43:00,931 --> 00:43:04,571 Seventy-six to be exact, Mr. Diamond. 605 00:43:04,611 --> 00:43:07,971 How do I look so young? Quite simple. 606 00:43:08,051 --> 00:43:11,811 A complete vegetable diet, 12 hours sleep a night... 607 00:43:11,851 --> 00:43:14,770 and lots and lots of makeup. 608 00:43:14,850 --> 00:43:16,890 I trust you've all been made comfortable. 609 00:43:16,970 --> 00:43:19,010 Comfortable, Mr. Twain? 610 00:43:19,090 --> 00:43:22,650 Do you call poisoned wine and near decapitation comfortable? 611 00:43:22,690 --> 00:43:25,850 No. I call it inspiration. 612 00:43:25,890 --> 00:43:28,290 You still have not explained the various mechanical... 613 00:43:28,330 --> 00:43:30,689 and culinary attempts on our lives, Monsieur Twain. 614 00:43:30,769 --> 00:43:33,489 Merely games, Monsieur Perrier. 615 00:43:33,569 --> 00:43:36,609 Pitting wits with you, so to speak. 616 00:43:36,689 --> 00:43:40,569 You pit your wits with me, little man, and you won't have wits to pit with. 617 00:43:40,649 --> 00:43:42,769 Sam, you're spitting on the nurse. 618 00:43:42,849 --> 00:43:46,528 Sorry, old lady. Crazy broad should be in bed. 619 00:43:46,608 --> 00:43:49,288 Monsieur Twain, we have been here nearly four hours... 620 00:43:49,368 --> 00:43:52,248 and there has not been a hint of a hot dinner or a cold corpse. 621 00:43:52,328 --> 00:43:56,128 - I must therefore bid you adieu. - I bid one adieu as well. 622 00:43:56,208 --> 00:43:58,808 No one is leaving this house. 623 00:44:10,047 --> 00:44:12,407 What meaning of this, Mr. Twain? 624 00:44:12,447 --> 00:44:15,647 I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if you can tell me... 625 00:44:15,687 --> 00:44:19,006 why a man who possesses one of the most brilliant minds of this century... 626 00:44:19,086 --> 00:44:21,406 can't say his prepositions or articles. 627 00:44:21,486 --> 00:44:24,566 "The", Mr. Wang. "What is the meaning of this?" 628 00:44:24,646 --> 00:44:28,206 That what I said. What meaning of this? 629 00:44:28,286 --> 00:44:30,126 The meaning of this is... 630 00:44:30,206 --> 00:44:33,765 that I have decided to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt... 631 00:44:33,845 --> 00:44:38,805 that the greatest living criminologist in the world is sitting at this table... 632 00:44:38,885 --> 00:44:41,525 and you are all looking at him. 633 00:44:41,565 --> 00:44:43,805 No, don't look at each other! 634 00:44:43,885 --> 00:44:47,485 Look at me! I'm the greatest! I'm number one! 635 00:44:47,565 --> 00:44:51,004 To me you look like number two. Know what I mean? 636 00:44:51,084 --> 00:44:52,924 What does he mean, Miss Skeffington? 637 00:44:53,004 --> 00:44:55,444 I'll tell you later. It's disgusting. 638 00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:58,884 In all your various adventures, monsieurs and mesdames... 639 00:44:58,964 --> 00:45:02,124 not one of you has ever had an unsolved murder. 640 00:45:02,204 --> 00:45:06,163 Your reputations exist on this single fact. 641 00:45:06,203 --> 00:45:09,363 But what would the world say... 642 00:45:09,403 --> 00:45:11,763 if the five greatest living detectives... 643 00:45:11,803 --> 00:45:15,123 found themselves trapped in a country house for a weekend... 644 00:45:15,203 --> 00:45:17,203 shut off from the outside world... 645 00:45:17,243 --> 00:45:20,442 only to discover a dead body on the floor... 646 00:45:20,522 --> 00:45:23,562 stabbed 12 times in the back with a butcher's knife... 647 00:45:23,642 --> 00:45:25,482 and... 648 00:45:25,562 --> 00:45:29,402 not one of you able to solve the crime? 649 00:45:29,482 --> 00:45:31,922 - You mean murder? - Dora, we're talking shop. 650 00:45:32,002 --> 00:45:34,202 Yes, murder, Mrs. Charleston! 651 00:45:34,242 --> 00:45:36,241 On the stroke of midnight... 652 00:45:36,281 --> 00:45:39,481 someone in this house is going to be viciously murdered. 653 00:45:39,561 --> 00:45:43,201 Left out one small detail, Mr. Twain. 654 00:45:44,241 --> 00:45:46,321 Who victim? 655 00:45:46,401 --> 00:45:48,881 "Is the". "Is the". 656 00:45:48,961 --> 00:45:52,360 "Who is the victim?" That drives me crazy! 657 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,800 - Sounds like a short ride to me. - Does it, Mr. Diamond? 658 00:45:55,880 --> 00:46:00,880 Well, we shall see who is sane and who is crazy around here. 659 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:03,840 Mr. Wang... 660 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,759 the victim is here at this very table at this very moment... 661 00:46:07,799 --> 00:46:12,239 and so too, ladies and gentlemen, is the murderer. 662 00:46:12,279 --> 00:46:15,479 - Murder-poo? - Yes, dear. 663 00:46:15,559 --> 00:46:19,279 We're going to have a lovely murder-poo. 664 00:46:19,319 --> 00:46:22,999 Why don't you push her wheelchair down the driveway? We got business here. 665 00:46:23,079 --> 00:46:25,998 - You say you know who's gonna get it? - Intimately. 666 00:46:26,038 --> 00:46:28,518 - And how the crime is to be committed? - Definitely. 667 00:46:28,598 --> 00:46:31,078 And exactly what time murder to take place? 668 00:46:31,158 --> 00:46:33,558 "The" murder. Precisely. 669 00:46:33,638 --> 00:46:38,038 I know it's none of my business, but doesn't that mean you're the murderer? 670 00:46:38,118 --> 00:46:41,517 No wives. I refuse to discuss this with wives. 671 00:46:41,557 --> 00:46:45,237 All fingers do seem to point to you. It's not much of a challenge, I'd say. 672 00:46:45,317 --> 00:46:48,517 Shall I make it more interesting, Mr. Charleston? 673 00:46:48,597 --> 00:46:51,637 One million dollars to the one who solves the crime. 674 00:46:51,717 --> 00:46:54,357 Wagered against your reputations. 675 00:46:54,437 --> 00:46:56,556 One million dollars in tax-free cash. 676 00:46:56,596 --> 00:47:00,276 In addition, all the paperback rights and the film sale. 677 00:47:00,316 --> 00:47:02,556 It's 11:00, amigos... 678 00:47:02,636 --> 00:47:05,996 just one hour before death strikes someone in this room. 679 00:47:06,076 --> 00:47:08,756 See you at midnight. Toodle-oo. 680 00:47:11,955 --> 00:47:13,835 See here, Mr. Twain! 681 00:47:14,995 --> 00:47:19,235 - He's gone! - No, he's not. He's down there. 682 00:47:19,315 --> 00:47:21,155 Fast little bunny rabbit, ain't you? 683 00:47:21,235 --> 00:47:23,635 I've never moved, Mr. Diamond. 684 00:47:23,715 --> 00:47:26,795 I'm still down there. A little stunt done with mirrors. 685 00:47:26,875 --> 00:47:30,794 Is that so? Willin' to risk seven years' bad luck? 686 00:47:30,834 --> 00:47:32,594 Try it, Mr. Diamond. 687 00:47:32,674 --> 00:47:34,794 It's your funeral, butterball. 688 00:47:35,834 --> 00:47:37,234 Wait. 689 00:47:37,314 --> 00:47:38,994 Sometimes it doesn't work. 690 00:47:41,234 --> 00:47:44,233 You've won this round, Mr. Diamond. 691 00:47:44,273 --> 00:47:46,673 My turn comes at midnight. 692 00:47:54,673 --> 00:47:57,233 I hope he knows how to stop that thing. 693 00:47:58,473 --> 00:48:00,872 If you ask me, anybody that offers a million bucks... 694 00:48:00,912 --> 00:48:03,032 to solve a crime that ain't been committed yet... 695 00:48:03,112 --> 00:48:05,472 has lost a lot more upstairs than his hair. 696 00:48:05,552 --> 00:48:08,552 What do we do now? Sit around and wait for one of us to be butchered? 697 00:48:08,592 --> 00:48:10,472 And what has happened to the butler? 698 00:48:10,512 --> 00:48:14,112 Why has he not returned... with our dinner? 699 00:48:14,192 --> 00:48:16,511 - Go look for him. - No! 700 00:48:16,591 --> 00:48:18,991 - No one to leave this room. - Why not, Pop? 701 00:48:19,071 --> 00:48:21,431 Twain say victim at this table. 702 00:48:21,511 --> 00:48:25,711 If we all stay together, crime cannot be committed without witnesses. 703 00:48:25,791 --> 00:48:28,711 He's right. You're one smart Chinaman, Mr. Wang. 704 00:48:28,791 --> 00:48:32,550 I suggest we all join hands. The chain is stronger if the links are unbroken. 705 00:48:32,590 --> 00:48:34,590 Join hands, please. 706 00:48:46,229 --> 00:48:47,749 Stop that. 707 00:48:51,229 --> 00:48:53,669 - Stop it, I said. - What is it, Diamond? 708 00:48:54,709 --> 00:48:57,509 The nurse is givin' my palm the finger, the dirty old broad. 709 00:48:57,549 --> 00:48:59,469 Naughty, naughty, Miss Withers. 710 00:49:04,908 --> 00:49:06,628 - Good God! - What? 711 00:49:06,668 --> 00:49:07,588 Look! 712 00:49:12,348 --> 00:49:14,788 - What is she doing? - I think she's screaming. 713 00:49:14,828 --> 00:49:17,788 - What is it? What's happened? - Something wrong in kitchen. 714 00:49:17,868 --> 00:49:20,067 - With our dinner! - Patience. 715 00:49:20,107 --> 00:49:22,707 - Is someone in there? - Someone in the kitchen with dinner? 716 00:49:22,787 --> 00:49:24,427 Cook cannot speak or hear. 717 00:49:27,027 --> 00:49:29,667 "I think butler is dead. 718 00:49:29,747 --> 00:49:32,987 My name is Yetta. I don't work Thursdays." 719 00:49:33,067 --> 00:49:34,946 Ask her if she sleeps in, Dickie. 720 00:49:34,986 --> 00:49:37,066 We must investigate this, Wang. Someone has to go. 721 00:49:37,146 --> 00:49:40,426 Not alone. Mr. Charleston, Mr. Diamond, stay with others. 722 00:49:40,466 --> 00:49:44,586 Miss Marble, Mr. Perrier and Wang, we'll investigate. 723 00:49:48,506 --> 00:49:51,425 That's right, just let it all out. 724 00:49:52,425 --> 00:49:55,065 Here. Oh, dear. 725 00:49:56,585 --> 00:49:59,105 Careful, Wang! Fingerprints. 726 00:50:00,465 --> 00:50:02,505 Yours. 727 00:50:02,585 --> 00:50:04,745 Here, take my handkerchief. 728 00:50:17,744 --> 00:50:19,624 - Is he... - He look like... 729 00:50:19,664 --> 00:50:22,023 Seems like... 730 00:50:22,103 --> 00:50:24,703 Touch nothing! Fingerprints. 731 00:50:24,783 --> 00:50:26,663 Quite so. 732 00:50:26,703 --> 00:50:28,583 Pencil. 733 00:50:42,462 --> 00:50:44,302 No pulse. 734 00:50:45,222 --> 00:50:47,502 No heartbeat. 735 00:50:47,582 --> 00:50:51,862 If condition does not change, this man is dead. 736 00:50:51,942 --> 00:50:54,181 No signs of foul play. 737 00:50:54,261 --> 00:50:55,501 Hold on! 738 00:50:55,581 --> 00:50:57,421 What's this? 739 00:50:58,821 --> 00:51:01,181 What do you make of this, Perrier? 740 00:51:02,181 --> 00:51:03,701 Poison, n'est-ce pas? 741 00:51:03,781 --> 00:51:06,501 Not n'est-ce pas. Cocoa. 742 00:51:06,581 --> 00:51:08,940 So, at last we have our murder. 743 00:51:09,020 --> 00:51:12,940 Not quite. Twain say murder victim sitting at our table. 744 00:51:13,020 --> 00:51:14,900 Butler not at our table. 745 00:51:14,980 --> 00:51:19,660 Butler only killed to divert us from real murder still to come. 746 00:51:20,740 --> 00:51:21,940 Look! 747 00:51:22,020 --> 00:51:26,019 One of the knives is missing. The butcher's knife, I'll wager. 748 00:51:26,099 --> 00:51:29,059 - The others are still in danger. - What is exact time, please? 749 00:51:30,819 --> 00:51:32,699 11:31 and 56 seconds. 750 00:51:33,219 --> 00:51:35,779 57, 58... 751 00:51:35,859 --> 00:51:38,459 Tell me when to stop. 59, 60... 752 00:51:38,539 --> 00:51:42,138 28 minutes to main murder. Quickly, back to dining room. 753 00:51:42,178 --> 00:51:44,818 Must all be together at midnight. 754 00:51:46,098 --> 00:51:47,618 One moment! 755 00:51:52,178 --> 00:51:53,858 Handkerchief. 756 00:52:05,137 --> 00:52:07,497 - What is it? - A bill. 757 00:52:07,577 --> 00:52:09,497 Everything here has been rented for tonight: 758 00:52:09,537 --> 00:52:12,177 The butler, the cook, the food, the dining room chairs. 759 00:52:12,257 --> 00:52:14,176 - You mean... - Yes. 760 00:52:14,256 --> 00:52:17,696 This entire murder has been catered. 761 00:52:21,056 --> 00:52:23,496 It's Twain's doing. The man is mad. 762 00:52:23,576 --> 00:52:26,576 Mad, yes, but no fool. I only hope we are in time. 763 00:52:27,136 --> 00:52:28,086 Door locked. 764 00:52:28,096 --> 00:52:30,935 Sam Diamond probably locked it from the inside as a precaution. 765 00:52:30,975 --> 00:52:33,535 Good thinking on Diamond head. 766 00:52:33,615 --> 00:52:36,855 Diamond, it's Perrier. It's all right. Open up. 767 00:52:38,615 --> 00:52:40,815 Diamond? Charleston? Are you in there? 768 00:52:40,895 --> 00:52:45,734 Quickly, go back to kitchen, get dining room key from pocket of dead butler. 769 00:52:45,814 --> 00:52:49,614 Don't say "dead butler". It's bad enough I have to put my hand in his pocket. 770 00:53:02,333 --> 00:53:04,173 Holy merde. 771 00:53:10,493 --> 00:53:12,373 Miss Skeffington! 772 00:53:12,413 --> 00:53:14,493 Miss Skeffington! Miss Withers! 773 00:53:14,573 --> 00:53:16,132 - He's gone. - Who? 774 00:53:16,212 --> 00:53:18,892 The butler. His body is missing. Here's the key. 775 00:53:18,972 --> 00:53:21,532 - If butler gone, where you find key? - In his pocket. 776 00:53:21,612 --> 00:53:23,172 - What pocket? - The butler's. 777 00:53:23,252 --> 00:53:25,972 - Butler gone, but pocket still there? - Exactly. 778 00:53:26,012 --> 00:53:28,492 Somebody has stolen his body but left his clothes there. 779 00:53:28,572 --> 00:53:31,731 Quickly, open the door. Something is very wrong here. 780 00:53:37,051 --> 00:53:40,131 Hello. Where is everyone? 781 00:53:40,211 --> 00:53:43,011 Room filled with empty people. 782 00:53:43,091 --> 00:53:45,091 I'll try the other door. 783 00:53:46,811 --> 00:53:48,890 It's locked from the inside. 784 00:53:48,970 --> 00:53:51,970 Strange. Both doors locked from inside, yet no way out. 785 00:53:52,050 --> 00:53:53,890 I don't like it one bit. 786 00:53:53,970 --> 00:53:56,010 I like it, but do not understand it. 787 00:53:57,170 --> 00:54:00,770 Maybe other way out of room, secret passageway perhaps. 788 00:54:02,170 --> 00:54:06,129 Wrong. There are no secret passageways, Mr. Wang. 789 00:54:06,169 --> 00:54:08,369 - You spoke? - Not me. 790 00:54:08,409 --> 00:54:10,289 I spoke. 791 00:54:11,609 --> 00:54:14,889 Oh, there! Voice come from cow on wall! 792 00:54:14,969 --> 00:54:17,769 Moose! Moose, you imbecile! 793 00:54:17,849 --> 00:54:21,288 Where are they? What have you done with the others, you short madman? 794 00:54:22,328 --> 00:54:25,808 Stumped already. Need some clues, Mr. Perrier? 795 00:54:25,848 --> 00:54:27,768 I need no clues from you. 796 00:54:27,848 --> 00:54:30,368 I find my own clues, you demented lollipop! 797 00:54:30,448 --> 00:54:33,808 Calm yourself. Man who argue with cow on wall is like train without wheels. 798 00:54:33,848 --> 00:54:36,647 - Very soon get nowhere. - I'm sick of your fortune cookies! 799 00:54:36,727 --> 00:54:40,647 - Man who is sick of fortune cookie... - I just said I was sick of this! 800 00:54:40,727 --> 00:54:43,607 - Quiet, gentlemen, please! - Cow talk again. 801 00:54:43,687 --> 00:54:46,327 In need of a hint, Miss Marbles? 802 00:54:46,407 --> 00:54:48,527 "You all mistake what you assume. 803 00:54:48,567 --> 00:54:51,006 They never left the dining room. 804 00:54:51,086 --> 00:54:55,206 Count the numbers one to ten. Turn the knob and try again." 805 00:54:56,526 --> 00:55:00,006 What the devil does that mean? "They never left the dining room." 806 00:55:00,086 --> 00:55:02,846 - Certainly they did. - Do not mistake what you assume. 807 00:55:02,926 --> 00:55:04,886 - Quick, back out in hall. - What for? 808 00:55:04,966 --> 00:55:09,365 We assume others not here, but cow say they are in dining room. 809 00:55:09,445 --> 00:55:11,285 Let us look once more. 810 00:55:13,965 --> 00:55:16,125 Please close door, Mr. Perrier. 811 00:55:18,005 --> 00:55:20,365 - I cannot see what possible good... - Please, quiet. 812 00:55:20,405 --> 00:55:23,284 Seven, eight, nine, ten. 813 00:55:23,364 --> 00:55:26,564 Miss Marbles, be so kind as to open door, please. 814 00:55:32,964 --> 00:55:34,804 Where were you, Wang? We was worried. 815 00:55:34,884 --> 00:55:36,844 What do you mean? Where were you? 816 00:55:36,924 --> 00:55:39,363 In here. Didn't you say not to leave the dining room? 817 00:55:39,443 --> 00:55:43,083 - You have not left this room since? - Certainly not. 818 00:55:43,123 --> 00:55:45,043 Answer simple... 819 00:55:45,083 --> 00:55:47,723 but question very hard. 820 00:55:47,763 --> 00:55:51,043 - Where's the butler? - Butler completely murdered. 821 00:55:51,123 --> 00:55:54,522 Poisoned. Yet one of the butcher's knives is missing. 822 00:55:54,602 --> 00:55:57,602 We came back here to inform you, but the doors were locked. 823 00:55:57,682 --> 00:56:00,242 I went back to get the key out of the butler's pocket. 824 00:56:00,322 --> 00:56:01,842 His body was missing. 825 00:56:01,922 --> 00:56:04,802 He had been stripped naked, and his clothes left in his place. 826 00:56:04,882 --> 00:56:09,522 I don't understand. Why would anybody want to steal a dead, naked body? 827 00:56:09,602 --> 00:56:11,921 Well, dear, there are people who... 828 00:56:13,841 --> 00:56:17,241 Oh, that's tacky. That's really tacky. 829 00:56:17,321 --> 00:56:19,681 Then we returned here... 830 00:56:19,761 --> 00:56:22,281 opened the door, but the room was empty. 831 00:56:22,361 --> 00:56:25,041 You were all gone. 832 00:56:25,121 --> 00:56:27,560 The moose had told us not to assume... 833 00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:29,960 that you had ever left the dining room. 834 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:33,800 So we counted to ten and tried it again. 835 00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,800 And here you were. 836 00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:41,240 I'm not one to use hyperbole, ladies and gentlemen, but I'll tell you this. 837 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:45,239 For the first time in my life, I had the ca-ca scared out of me. 838 00:56:46,519 --> 00:56:49,639 I like her. I really like her. 839 00:56:50,879 --> 00:56:53,519 - Gunshots, monsieur. - Gunshots, Pop. 840 00:56:53,599 --> 00:56:56,479 - Gunshots, Dickie. - Jeez! 841 00:56:56,559 --> 00:57:00,758 This time Charleston and I will go. Everybody else stay in the room. 842 00:57:00,838 --> 00:57:02,678 Let's go, Charleston. 843 00:57:07,318 --> 00:57:09,838 What do you make of all of this, Wang? 844 00:57:12,878 --> 00:57:14,797 Is confusing. 845 00:57:14,837 --> 00:57:19,137 "It"! "It is confusing!" Say your goddamn pronouns! 846 00:57:25,197 --> 00:57:26,797 Open the door. 847 00:57:27,917 --> 00:57:29,756 - Good God! - What is it? 848 00:57:29,836 --> 00:57:31,036 He's back. 849 00:57:34,276 --> 00:57:36,396 And Au naturel. 850 00:57:36,476 --> 00:57:40,636 I don't get it. First they steal the body and leave the clothes. 851 00:57:41,876 --> 00:57:44,556 Then they steal the clothes and bring the body back. 852 00:57:44,636 --> 00:57:48,355 - Who would do a thing like that? - Possibly some deranged dry cleaner. 853 00:57:48,395 --> 00:57:50,315 What about the gunshots? 854 00:57:50,395 --> 00:57:53,235 Why shoot some poor slob when he's already been poisoned? 855 00:57:53,315 --> 00:57:55,835 We heard the gunshots, but I don't see any bullet holes... 856 00:57:55,915 --> 00:57:57,995 not on his head, his neck, his back or his chest. 857 00:57:58,075 --> 00:58:01,394 - Look all over him. - All over his body? 858 00:58:01,474 --> 00:58:03,754 Somebody's gotta do it. I'm busy standin' guard. 859 00:58:03,834 --> 00:58:05,674 Why don't I stand guard? You look. 860 00:58:05,754 --> 00:58:07,594 All right, we'll take turns. 861 00:58:07,674 --> 00:58:11,594 You look over the first dead, naked body we find, and I'll look over the second. 862 00:58:14,274 --> 00:58:17,033 Hurry up. We only got eight minutes. 863 00:58:23,993 --> 00:58:25,193 See anything? 864 00:58:25,273 --> 00:58:28,553 No, I don't see a bullet hole anywhere. 865 00:58:28,593 --> 00:58:31,713 - Hold it. I see something. - What is it? 866 00:58:31,753 --> 00:58:34,192 Forget it. My mistake. Not a bullet hole. 867 00:58:34,272 --> 00:58:37,072 If he wasn't plugged, what about the shots? 868 00:58:37,152 --> 00:58:38,952 Divide and conquer. 869 00:58:38,992 --> 00:58:40,632 - What? - Another diversion. 870 00:58:40,712 --> 00:58:44,392 He gives us meaningless clues to confuse us, dangles red herrings before us... 871 00:58:44,472 --> 00:58:46,792 bedazzles us with bizarre banalities, but all the time... 872 00:58:46,872 --> 00:58:50,751 seconds are ticking away towards the truly terrible murder still to come. 873 00:58:50,831 --> 00:58:54,711 You're good. You're not my kind of cop, but you're smart and you smell good. 874 00:58:54,791 --> 00:58:57,071 You're not a pansy, but what the hell are you? 875 00:58:58,031 --> 00:58:59,511 Classy, I suppose. 876 00:58:59,591 --> 00:59:02,711 - Dames always fall for a guy like you. - I don't see what interest... 877 00:59:02,791 --> 00:59:04,850 - Did you ever make it with a waitress? - I beg your pardon? 878 00:59:04,870 --> 00:59:07,870 A waitress. Big, fat waitress. 879 00:59:07,950 --> 00:59:10,310 I don't know what them society dames are like in the kip... 880 00:59:10,350 --> 00:59:14,630 but you ain't never had it till you made it with a big, fat, Blondie waitress. 881 00:59:14,670 --> 00:59:17,950 If you're ever interested, you give me a call. 882 00:59:23,029 --> 00:59:24,389 Bizarre little twit. 883 00:59:24,469 --> 00:59:27,429 I'm still not sure about this guy. 884 00:59:34,429 --> 00:59:36,788 - What are you doing? - I have to wash my hands after... 885 00:59:36,868 --> 00:59:38,708 - Good. - I'll be out in a minute. 886 00:59:38,788 --> 00:59:41,108 I'll go ahead. I'll tell the others. 887 00:59:42,308 --> 00:59:45,268 You're never gonna believe this, folks. 888 00:59:45,348 --> 00:59:47,188 All right, where are you? 889 00:59:47,268 --> 00:59:50,468 What the hell is goin' on here? 890 00:59:50,508 --> 00:59:53,107 Charleston, wash up later. We got problems. 891 00:59:58,867 --> 01:00:00,867 Locked from the inside. 892 01:00:03,067 --> 01:00:06,067 That can only mean one thing... 893 01:00:06,147 --> 01:00:08,146 and I don't know what it is. 894 01:00:13,986 --> 01:00:16,146 You're never gonna believe... 895 01:00:25,305 --> 01:00:26,905 I said I'd be out in a minute. 896 01:00:35,105 --> 01:00:37,625 I don't remember closin' that door. 897 01:00:43,744 --> 01:00:45,624 What happened? 898 01:00:47,024 --> 01:00:49,104 What were the gunshots? 899 01:00:52,424 --> 01:00:54,464 Did anybody leave this room since we were gone? 900 01:00:54,544 --> 01:00:57,583 - So it happened to you too. - Where's my Dickie? 901 01:00:58,743 --> 01:01:00,543 Sorry. Where's my husband? 902 01:01:00,623 --> 01:01:03,943 Two minutes to midnight, in case anyone is interested. 903 01:01:04,023 --> 01:01:06,103 It ain't possible, I'm tellin' you. 904 01:01:06,183 --> 01:01:10,743 Eight people in a dining room can't turn into an empty room unless... 905 01:01:10,783 --> 01:01:13,942 - Unless what, Sam? - Unless it never happened. 906 01:01:14,022 --> 01:01:15,902 I see your point, Diamond. 907 01:01:15,942 --> 01:01:19,262 When is a dining room filled with people not a dining room filled with people? 908 01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:22,102 - When it is two dining rooms. - Exactly! 909 01:01:22,142 --> 01:01:23,622 Two dining rooms? 910 01:01:23,702 --> 01:01:27,581 Two dining rooms, two of everything. Twain electronic genius. 911 01:01:27,661 --> 01:01:30,141 He has devised a way to move this room... 912 01:01:30,221 --> 01:01:32,861 quickly and silently in the flash of an eye... 913 01:01:32,941 --> 01:01:35,781 to be replaced by an exact duplicate of this very room. 914 01:01:35,861 --> 01:01:38,181 - I knew it all the time. - Oh, please. 915 01:01:38,261 --> 01:01:40,861 I shall demonstrate. I shall walk out the door... 916 01:01:40,941 --> 01:01:44,140 close it, knock three times, enter, and you will all be gone. 917 01:01:44,220 --> 01:01:45,860 Observe. 918 01:01:51,740 --> 01:01:55,300 I have it all figured out. There are two of everything. 919 01:01:55,380 --> 01:01:57,500 Oh, Dickie, that's old news. 920 01:01:57,580 --> 01:01:59,699 All right, everybody take their seats. 921 01:01:59,739 --> 01:02:03,659 - I'm scared, Sam. Hold me. - Hold yourself. I'm busy. 922 01:02:03,739 --> 01:02:05,619 Take the same seats you had before. 923 01:02:05,699 --> 01:02:09,139 Forty seconds! I'm very worried about Mr. Perrier. 924 01:02:09,179 --> 01:02:10,619 I'm going to look for him. 925 01:02:10,699 --> 01:02:13,099 No. Sit, please. No one to leave room. 926 01:02:14,578 --> 01:02:16,418 The other door. 927 01:02:19,898 --> 01:02:21,938 It's locked. I can't open it. 928 01:02:22,018 --> 01:02:24,338 Hurry, man! We have 15 seconds! 929 01:02:24,378 --> 01:02:26,498 Move your hand, chauffeur. 930 01:02:30,937 --> 01:02:33,617 - Don't ask me. - Why are you wearing butler's uniform? 931 01:02:33,657 --> 01:02:35,537 I said, don't ask me! 932 01:02:35,577 --> 01:02:38,257 I don't know. It all happened too quickly. 933 01:02:39,737 --> 01:02:43,417 The cook. Where's the cook? 934 01:02:43,497 --> 01:02:45,457 - She's gone. - Never said a word. 935 01:02:45,537 --> 01:02:48,616 Ten more seconds. Quickly, sit and join hands. 936 01:02:51,416 --> 01:02:54,816 Impossible for murder to happen now without witnesses. 937 01:02:55,456 --> 01:02:56,936 Three, two... 938 01:02:57,016 --> 01:02:58,856 one! 939 01:03:27,734 --> 01:03:28,814 It's over. 940 01:03:28,854 --> 01:03:31,174 We're safe and sound. 941 01:03:34,933 --> 01:03:36,813 That's probably the cook. 942 01:03:36,853 --> 01:03:39,053 - Come in. - The poor woman is stone deaf. 943 01:03:39,133 --> 01:03:41,973 I'm sorry. I forgot. Come in! 944 01:03:42,973 --> 01:03:45,613 Not sound like cook to me. 945 01:04:00,132 --> 01:04:02,452 Mr. Twain. 946 01:04:02,492 --> 01:04:04,932 You appear to be wrong. 947 01:04:05,012 --> 01:04:08,291 Nobody here murdered. Please to come in. 948 01:04:14,371 --> 01:04:15,811 Is he dead? 949 01:04:15,891 --> 01:04:18,611 With a thing like that in his back, in the long run he's better off. 950 01:04:18,651 --> 01:04:20,691 - Touch nothing! - Will you stop saying that? 951 01:04:20,771 --> 01:04:22,890 We're all experienced criminologists. 952 01:04:22,930 --> 01:04:26,850 I find it insulting, debasing and redundant to keep telling us to "touch nothing". 953 01:04:26,930 --> 01:04:29,170 - Be quiet, woman. - Up yours, fella. 954 01:04:29,250 --> 01:04:33,770 Most amusing. Bickering detectives are like making giant lamb stew. 955 01:04:33,810 --> 01:04:36,810 - Everything go to pot. - Why don't you be quiet! 956 01:04:39,929 --> 01:04:42,089 Shut up, all of yous! Nobody move! 957 01:04:42,169 --> 01:04:44,449 - Stay where you are! - What is it? 958 01:04:44,529 --> 01:04:48,489 I have to go to the can again. I don't wanna miss nothin'. 959 01:04:48,569 --> 01:04:50,449 I'm going too, Sam. 960 01:04:52,249 --> 01:04:55,368 I'd rather do this alone, Tess. Thanks anyway. 961 01:04:58,808 --> 01:05:00,808 The cook. 962 01:05:00,848 --> 01:05:02,448 What, darling? 963 01:05:02,528 --> 01:05:04,968 Well, it's obvious. The cook murdered him. 964 01:05:05,008 --> 01:05:08,168 The butler's dead. All the rest of us were in this room except for her. 965 01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:10,807 No one else could get in or out, so that only leaves the cook. 966 01:05:10,887 --> 01:05:12,967 - Isn't that right? - Wrong. 967 01:05:13,007 --> 01:05:15,527 What makes you certain of this, Diamond? 968 01:05:15,567 --> 01:05:19,767 To drive a knife that far up a man's back, you need a powerful right arm. 969 01:05:19,847 --> 01:05:22,767 And this arm don't look that strong to me. 970 01:05:22,847 --> 01:05:25,926 - Is that the cook's arm? - It ain't the pussycat's tail, lady. 971 01:05:27,246 --> 01:05:29,926 Don't be alarmed, miss. It ain't real. 972 01:05:29,966 --> 01:05:31,846 For that matter, neither is the cook. 973 01:05:34,126 --> 01:05:36,526 I found this before I got to the can. 974 01:05:39,086 --> 01:05:41,365 Got a little surprise for you folks. 975 01:05:45,845 --> 01:05:47,445 - Look! - A mannequin! 976 01:05:48,525 --> 01:05:51,485 A dummy, perfect in every detail... 977 01:05:51,565 --> 01:05:55,365 with the exception of not being able to make her hear or speak. 978 01:05:55,445 --> 01:05:58,564 My hat's off to the man with the shiv in his back. 979 01:05:58,604 --> 01:06:00,844 Except for the fact that he's dead, he was no dope. 980 01:06:00,924 --> 01:06:02,364 Nice going, Sam. 981 01:06:02,444 --> 01:06:06,484 I hope you all realize that someone in this room is a murderer. 982 01:06:06,564 --> 01:06:09,004 For sake of ladies present... 983 01:06:09,084 --> 01:06:11,244 may I suggest we all return to drawing room? 984 01:06:11,324 --> 01:06:13,603 My son will cover up remains of Mr. Twain. 985 01:06:13,643 --> 01:06:17,163 - Why do I do all the dirty work, Pop? - Because your mother not here to do it. 986 01:06:17,243 --> 01:06:18,843 Come, please. 987 01:06:33,482 --> 01:06:35,042 Excuse me. 988 01:06:42,042 --> 01:06:43,402 I'm getting a headache. 989 01:06:43,482 --> 01:06:46,401 Isn't there some way of turning off that ridiculous machine? 990 01:06:46,481 --> 01:06:49,681 Maybe some gadget outside the window. 991 01:06:54,521 --> 01:06:56,441 Sorry, darling. It's raining this time. 992 01:06:56,521 --> 01:06:59,121 I suggest we get down to business and sort the facts. 993 01:06:59,201 --> 01:07:01,640 It is now 12:30, Sunday morning. 994 01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:04,440 The doors and windows will automatically open at dawn... 995 01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:07,400 and one of us here will be one million dollars richer... 996 01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:10,360 and one of us will be going to the gas chamber to be hung. 997 01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:14,800 One, Monsieur Perrier? Why not two? We all have associates. 998 01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:18,119 Why not four or six or eight? I don't trust any of yous. 999 01:07:18,199 --> 01:07:20,599 Maybe I'm just a patsy being set up to take the fall... 1000 01:07:20,679 --> 01:07:22,839 but I'm not fallin' for any of yous. 1001 01:07:22,919 --> 01:07:24,839 Not even me, Sam? 1002 01:07:24,919 --> 01:07:28,399 Why don't you fall in love with the Jap kid and get off my back? 1003 01:07:28,479 --> 01:07:30,839 Can we get back to case, please? 1004 01:07:30,919 --> 01:07:34,198 Time is late and my eyes are getting tired. 1005 01:07:34,278 --> 01:07:37,558 - I thought they always looked like that. - Knock it off, Sam! 1006 01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:40,078 I apologize. This case is gettin' on my nerves. 1007 01:07:40,158 --> 01:07:42,718 - I'm sorry, Slanty. - Thank you. 1008 01:07:42,758 --> 01:07:45,198 Now then, facts, please, facts. 1009 01:07:45,278 --> 01:07:50,157 Mr. Twain predicts murder. Also predicts victim to be at dining table, correct? 1010 01:07:50,237 --> 01:07:51,677 Correct. 1011 01:07:51,757 --> 01:07:53,957 I'm sorry, this is official. Correct. 1012 01:07:54,037 --> 01:07:56,637 Also predicts murder to take place at midnight... 1013 01:07:56,717 --> 01:07:58,877 and predicts number of stab wounds. 1014 01:07:58,957 --> 01:08:02,117 How can this be if he not in collaboration with murderer? 1015 01:08:02,197 --> 01:08:03,676 What if Twain did it himself? 1016 01:08:03,716 --> 01:08:05,596 Murdered himself? 1017 01:08:05,636 --> 01:08:08,996 For what possible reason? And how? 1018 01:08:09,076 --> 01:08:11,636 The motive is simple: Ego. 1019 01:08:11,716 --> 01:08:15,996 If we were not to solve this crime, he'd be named the world's foremost detective. 1020 01:08:16,076 --> 01:08:20,555 And with an ego like his, the fact that he had to die for would be a small price to pay. 1021 01:08:20,635 --> 01:08:24,955 As to how, any man who can create this chamber of electronic marvels... 1022 01:08:24,995 --> 01:08:26,995 would certainly be able to devise a machine... 1023 01:08:27,075 --> 01:08:29,395 that would stab himself in the back 11 or 12 times. 1024 01:08:29,475 --> 01:08:31,955 That was wonderful, darling. I'm so proud of you. 1025 01:08:32,035 --> 01:08:34,595 - Let's go to bed, quickly. - One moment, please. 1026 01:08:34,675 --> 01:08:37,394 Very interesting theory, Mr. Charleston... 1027 01:08:37,474 --> 01:08:40,994 but you overlook one very important point. 1028 01:08:41,074 --> 01:08:43,594 - And that is? - It's stupid. 1029 01:08:43,674 --> 01:08:47,074 It's most stupid theory I ever heard! 1030 01:08:47,154 --> 01:08:50,714 - Do you have a better one? - Oh, yeah, much better one. 1031 01:08:50,794 --> 01:08:53,793 You see, I have been doing my homework, Mr. Charleston. 1032 01:08:53,873 --> 01:08:56,473 For example, I have information... 1033 01:08:56,553 --> 01:08:59,273 that your wife's portfolio of stocks... 1034 01:08:59,353 --> 01:09:02,553 were seriously depleted in latest financial crisis. 1035 01:09:02,593 --> 01:09:05,233 In short, you are flat broke, Mr. Charleston. 1036 01:09:05,313 --> 01:09:07,472 You have been borrowing money for over two years... 1037 01:09:07,552 --> 01:09:10,392 at 17% interest from Mr. Lionel Twain. 1038 01:09:10,432 --> 01:09:12,152 Broke? Is this true? 1039 01:09:12,232 --> 01:09:15,112 I didn't want to tell you now. I was saving it for your birthday. 1040 01:09:15,192 --> 01:09:17,552 One million dollars would buy... 1041 01:09:17,632 --> 01:09:20,872 great many tight suits, would it not, Mr. Charleston? 1042 01:09:20,952 --> 01:09:23,271 - See here, Wang... - Dead broke, Dickie? 1043 01:09:23,351 --> 01:09:26,551 Almost, darling. I have $1.17 and some stamps. 1044 01:09:26,591 --> 01:09:29,911 But I did not murder Lionel Twain. You do believe that, don't you, darling? 1045 01:09:29,951 --> 01:09:32,551 We'll talk. We'll see. 1046 01:09:32,631 --> 01:09:34,431 It could have been any one of you. 1047 01:09:34,471 --> 01:09:37,591 Each and every one of us was out of that dining room at one time or another... 1048 01:09:37,671 --> 01:09:41,030 giving ample opportunity to commit the crime. 1049 01:09:41,110 --> 01:09:44,510 As for motives, there's more than ego and cash involved. 1050 01:09:44,590 --> 01:09:46,310 For example, revenge. 1051 01:09:46,390 --> 01:09:48,350 Meaning what, Mr. Charleston? 1052 01:09:48,430 --> 01:09:52,630 Meaning that I'm not the only one here who's had a past experience with Twain. 1053 01:09:52,670 --> 01:09:55,549 Did you know that he was quite a ladies' man in his day? 1054 01:09:55,629 --> 01:09:57,829 Are you suggesting that someone here... 1055 01:09:57,909 --> 01:09:59,989 Was at one time in love with Lionel Twain. 1056 01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:02,789 As a matter of fact, he was engaged to and jilted... 1057 01:10:02,869 --> 01:10:04,949 Miss Jessica Marbles. 1058 01:10:08,149 --> 01:10:10,268 Jesus H. Christ! 1059 01:10:10,348 --> 01:10:12,588 Jilted 54 years ago at the altar. 1060 01:10:12,668 --> 01:10:15,468 Left her there in that same baggy tweed outfit. 1061 01:10:16,508 --> 01:10:19,228 - Is this true, Jessie? - I was not jilted. 1062 01:10:19,308 --> 01:10:21,188 I walked out on him. 1063 01:10:21,268 --> 01:10:23,908 He wanted to fool around before the wedding. 1064 01:10:23,988 --> 01:10:26,907 And being the lady you are, you refused. 1065 01:10:26,987 --> 01:10:28,827 Not completely. 1066 01:10:28,907 --> 01:10:32,347 But it got out of hand. He was horrid, but I didn't kill him. 1067 01:10:32,427 --> 01:10:35,347 That's good enough for me. What about you, Frenchy? 1068 01:10:35,427 --> 01:10:37,867 I'm not a Frenchy! I'm a Belgy! 1069 01:10:39,627 --> 01:10:43,426 And as for other motives, how about patricide? 1070 01:10:43,506 --> 01:10:45,586 The killing of one's own parent? 1071 01:10:46,666 --> 01:10:50,626 You mean that Lionel Twain was the father of someone in this room? 1072 01:10:50,706 --> 01:10:52,066 He wasn't my father. 1073 01:10:54,106 --> 01:10:55,986 He was my uncle. 1074 01:10:57,026 --> 01:10:58,465 He was very good to me. 1075 01:10:58,545 --> 01:11:01,785 He would take me to the circus and give me candy. 1076 01:11:01,865 --> 01:11:05,865 We stopped going when I was about 26. 1077 01:11:07,865 --> 01:11:09,225 I'm sorry, Sam. 1078 01:11:09,305 --> 01:11:12,185 Twenty-six? What the hell kind of a circus was it? 1079 01:11:12,265 --> 01:11:16,504 Forgive me, but I was talking about patricide, not uncle-cide. 1080 01:11:16,544 --> 01:11:19,104 Monsieur Twain may have been your uncle, Miss Skeffington... 1081 01:11:19,184 --> 01:11:22,104 but he was the illegitimate father of... 1082 01:11:22,184 --> 01:11:24,344 Monsieur Sidney Wang! 1083 01:11:26,784 --> 01:11:28,784 It not true. 1084 01:11:28,824 --> 01:11:31,983 I was adopted. I have my papers. 1085 01:11:32,023 --> 01:11:35,343 That is why I have adopted all my children. 1086 01:11:35,383 --> 01:11:37,143 I was wondering. 1087 01:11:37,223 --> 01:11:40,583 Oh, he loved me very much... 1088 01:11:40,663 --> 01:11:43,263 but he was not very observant. 1089 01:11:43,343 --> 01:11:48,382 One day when I was 19, he called me to his study... 1090 01:11:48,462 --> 01:11:52,502 noticed for first time I was Oriental, and kicked me out of house. 1091 01:11:52,582 --> 01:11:55,142 - I could have... - Killed him, Monsieur Wang? 1092 01:11:55,222 --> 01:11:57,422 As easily as you, Monsieur Perrier. 1093 01:11:57,462 --> 01:12:01,181 Lionel Twain killed the only thing you ever loved: 1094 01:12:01,261 --> 01:12:04,541 Marie-Louise Cartier. 1095 01:12:16,621 --> 01:12:17,820 Your sweetheart? 1096 01:12:21,140 --> 01:12:22,780 My poodle. 1097 01:12:24,180 --> 01:12:27,420 He was a most cruel man. 1098 01:12:27,500 --> 01:12:31,500 Monsieur would come to France every season... 1099 01:12:32,739 --> 01:12:34,699 to hunt poodles. 1100 01:12:35,739 --> 01:12:37,619 The day they brought... 1101 01:12:37,659 --> 01:12:40,779 her bloodied sequined collar to me, I vowed one day I would... 1102 01:12:40,819 --> 01:12:44,179 - Knock him off? - Yes, gladly, if I had the chance. 1103 01:12:45,339 --> 01:12:47,219 But I did not. 1104 01:12:47,299 --> 01:12:49,138 Someone here beat me to it. 1105 01:12:49,218 --> 01:12:52,858 So there's more than one reason that we was invited here. 1106 01:12:52,938 --> 01:12:56,338 Not only was Twain testin' our skills as detectives... 1107 01:12:56,418 --> 01:12:59,338 but we all have legitimate motives for doin' the old man in. 1108 01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:02,498 Have not yet heard your motive, Mr. Diamond. 1109 01:13:02,578 --> 01:13:05,097 My motive is unimportant. 1110 01:13:05,177 --> 01:13:08,297 Let's just say that I hated him enough to kill him. 1111 01:13:08,337 --> 01:13:10,897 You are a closed man, Mr. Diamond. 1112 01:13:10,977 --> 01:13:13,337 You hide many things. 1113 01:13:13,417 --> 01:13:17,457 Could it be that Mr. Twain discover your secret? 1114 01:13:17,537 --> 01:13:20,336 I don't know what you're talkin' about. 1115 01:13:20,376 --> 01:13:23,016 We know different, do we not, Miss Skeffington? 1116 01:13:27,096 --> 01:13:29,656 Twain picked up Sam in a gay bar. 1117 01:13:29,736 --> 01:13:32,816 I was working on a case. Working. 1118 01:13:32,896 --> 01:13:34,976 Every night for six months? 1119 01:13:35,056 --> 01:13:38,775 I got 50 bucks a day and expenses. I hate them queeries. 1120 01:13:39,735 --> 01:13:41,495 Twain... 1121 01:13:41,575 --> 01:13:44,415 had Polaroid pictures of Sam in drag. 1122 01:13:44,495 --> 01:13:48,375 I was in disguise. Lots of dames go in those joints. 1123 01:13:48,455 --> 01:13:50,455 I never kissed nobody. 1124 01:13:50,535 --> 01:13:53,694 And I never did nothin' to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman. 1125 01:13:53,774 --> 01:13:55,734 And I didn't kill Twain. 1126 01:13:58,334 --> 01:14:00,174 You bitch. 1127 01:14:00,254 --> 01:14:02,294 Most interesting. 1128 01:14:02,374 --> 01:14:06,374 All had perfect motives for killing Twain. 1129 01:14:06,414 --> 01:14:09,493 Wonder which one was one who done it. 1130 01:14:10,613 --> 01:14:13,093 We still have the night to get through. 1131 01:14:13,173 --> 01:14:17,453 If anyone is going to solve this case, I say we all get a good night's sleep. 1132 01:14:17,493 --> 01:14:20,173 And I suggest we all lock our doors. 1133 01:14:20,253 --> 01:14:22,533 One of us is a mad killer... 1134 01:14:22,573 --> 01:14:24,612 and not to be trusted. 1135 01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:10,650 Who do you think is the murderer? 1136 01:15:10,730 --> 01:15:12,569 Must sleep on it. 1137 01:15:12,649 --> 01:15:15,849 Will know in morning when wake up. 1138 01:15:15,929 --> 01:15:18,129 What if you don't wake up? 1139 01:15:18,209 --> 01:15:20,369 Then you did it. 1140 01:15:20,449 --> 01:15:22,289 Go sleep, please. 1141 01:15:23,689 --> 01:15:27,448 - Good night, Dad. - Should have adopted pussycat. 1142 01:15:35,488 --> 01:15:37,808 Should I turn off the steam, Pop? 1143 01:15:39,608 --> 01:15:41,728 Not steam. 1144 01:15:41,768 --> 01:15:45,527 Someone just put deadly snake in room. 1145 01:15:45,607 --> 01:15:48,087 Wake me when it come near bed. 1146 01:15:51,487 --> 01:15:54,887 I want you to know, Dickie darling, that if you're the murderer... 1147 01:15:54,967 --> 01:15:56,807 I'll still love you. 1148 01:15:56,887 --> 01:16:00,926 I don't think it would be right for us to make love, but I'd still love you. 1149 01:16:00,966 --> 01:16:04,566 No fear of that, my pet. Now let's see what we have here. 1150 01:16:04,646 --> 01:16:08,246 We have one missing, dead, naked butler... 1151 01:16:08,326 --> 01:16:11,166 one host with a butcher's knife in his back... 1152 01:16:11,246 --> 01:16:14,046 and one poisonous scorpion crawling up our sheets. 1153 01:16:14,086 --> 01:16:17,245 - Is that what that is? - Yes. They can kill instantly. 1154 01:16:17,285 --> 01:16:18,605 I suggest we don't move. 1155 01:16:20,485 --> 01:16:21,845 For how long? 1156 01:16:21,925 --> 01:16:24,285 Quite possibly for the rest of our lives. 1157 01:16:28,645 --> 01:16:29,885 Good heavens. 1158 01:16:29,925 --> 01:16:32,004 I know who the murderer is. 1159 01:16:32,084 --> 01:16:33,524 Solvey-poo? 1160 01:16:33,604 --> 01:16:37,484 Yes, Miss Withers. The murderer is... 1161 01:16:37,564 --> 01:16:38,924 Good God! Gas! 1162 01:16:39,004 --> 01:16:41,564 I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm old. 1163 01:16:41,604 --> 01:16:45,764 No, no. The other kind of gas. The kind that kills. 1164 01:16:45,844 --> 01:16:47,563 Sometimes my gas... 1165 01:16:47,643 --> 01:16:50,283 It's seeping in through the vent! 1166 01:16:59,803 --> 01:17:01,323 It's locked from the outside. 1167 01:17:02,322 --> 01:17:03,522 Help! 1168 01:17:03,602 --> 01:17:06,802 Doesn't smell that bad to me. 1169 01:17:07,642 --> 01:17:08,762 Help! 1170 01:17:21,321 --> 01:17:24,801 Did I do right, Sam, telling them about the gay bar? 1171 01:17:24,881 --> 01:17:28,641 Perfect, sweetheart. They took the bait like a dumb halibut. 1172 01:17:28,681 --> 01:17:30,561 Let 'em think I'm a pansy. 1173 01:17:30,601 --> 01:17:34,280 While they're busy suspectin' me, one of them is gonna let his pants down. 1174 01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:40,560 Sam, why do you keep all those naked muscle men magazines in your office? 1175 01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:43,640 Suspects. Always lookin' for suspects. 1176 01:17:44,960 --> 01:17:47,320 What's that tickin' sound I hear? 1177 01:17:54,959 --> 01:17:59,279 "That tickin' sound is a bomb in your room that will go off in 30 seconds. 1178 01:17:59,359 --> 01:18:01,559 - Signed, the murderer." - Quick, Sam, the door! 1179 01:18:01,599 --> 01:18:03,799 "P.S. The door is locked." 1180 01:18:10,718 --> 01:18:13,278 I'm sorry about this, Tess. 1181 01:18:13,358 --> 01:18:15,518 And me owin' you all that money, too. 1182 01:18:15,598 --> 01:18:17,918 That's all right, Sam. What are we gonna do? 1183 01:18:17,998 --> 01:18:19,838 I got an idea. 1184 01:18:19,918 --> 01:18:23,437 I don't know whether this is gonna work or not. Quick, turn around! 1185 01:18:23,517 --> 01:18:25,877 - I'm turned, Sam. - Whatever you do, don't turn back. 1186 01:18:25,957 --> 01:18:27,997 - If anything... - Do as I say, angel. 1187 01:18:28,077 --> 01:18:30,037 - I will, Sam. - Good. 1188 01:18:30,077 --> 01:18:32,597 'Cause I think I'm gonna cry. 1189 01:18:47,396 --> 01:18:50,916 - What are you doing in my bed? - There's no place else to sleep. 1190 01:18:50,996 --> 01:18:53,116 Sleep in the car, you chauffeur. Go! 1191 01:18:53,195 --> 01:18:56,275 You aren't fair. I will tell everyone that you wear a toupee. 1192 01:18:56,355 --> 01:18:59,075 - They already know. - Then why do you wear it? 1193 01:18:59,155 --> 01:19:00,995 I didn't know that you knew. 1194 01:19:01,075 --> 01:19:04,395 Certainly I know. It's a terrible toupee. 1195 01:19:07,555 --> 01:19:09,794 A bomb. Across the hall. 1196 01:19:09,874 --> 01:19:11,954 Quickly, the door! 1197 01:19:17,914 --> 01:19:19,834 It's locked from the outside. 1198 01:19:19,914 --> 01:19:23,794 You look taller to me. Why is that? 1199 01:19:23,834 --> 01:19:26,313 I don't understand, Monsieur. I'm not getting taller. 1200 01:19:26,393 --> 01:19:29,953 If you are not getting taller, there is only one alternative. 1201 01:19:30,033 --> 01:19:32,393 The room is getting shorter! 1202 01:19:33,673 --> 01:19:36,193 Mon dieu! The ceiling is coming down! 1203 01:19:46,872 --> 01:19:49,392 - What'll we do? - I don't know! 1204 01:19:49,432 --> 01:19:52,392 But this is exactly how they make goose liver pate. 1205 01:20:24,110 --> 01:20:26,230 Not so fast, please. 1206 01:20:26,310 --> 01:20:28,829 Do not cross out Wang name. 1207 01:20:28,909 --> 01:20:31,989 Cross out "snake" instead. 1208 01:20:32,069 --> 01:20:33,909 Nice shot, Pop. 1209 01:20:33,989 --> 01:20:36,669 Sure wish you weren't such a heavy sleeper. 1210 01:20:36,749 --> 01:20:38,749 And now... 1211 01:20:38,829 --> 01:20:41,629 if you please. 1212 01:20:41,709 --> 01:20:43,749 One million dollars... 1213 01:20:43,829 --> 01:20:46,228 Mr. Bensonmum. 1214 01:20:46,308 --> 01:20:48,148 Banzai, Pop! 1215 01:20:49,268 --> 01:20:51,388 Very clever of you, Mr. Wang. 1216 01:20:51,468 --> 01:20:55,748 Oh, yes. As you can see, I can see. 1217 01:20:55,828 --> 01:20:57,908 So I see. 1218 01:20:57,988 --> 01:21:02,347 Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me? 1219 01:21:02,387 --> 01:21:06,507 Went back to theory seldom used today: 1220 01:21:07,747 --> 01:21:09,107 Butler did it. 1221 01:21:10,387 --> 01:21:12,507 I hadn't thought of that. 1222 01:21:12,587 --> 01:21:15,387 But how do you account for my dead body in the kitchen? 1223 01:21:16,426 --> 01:21:20,306 Body made of plastic, same as plastic cook. 1224 01:21:20,386 --> 01:21:23,586 While we examine plastic butler... 1225 01:21:23,666 --> 01:21:25,746 you murder Lionel Twain. 1226 01:21:26,546 --> 01:21:29,466 You're a clever little laundry man, Mr. Wang. 1227 01:21:29,546 --> 01:21:31,905 But not quite clever enough! 1228 01:21:31,985 --> 01:21:36,545 I'll take that one million dollars, Bensonmum... 1229 01:21:36,625 --> 01:21:38,545 alias Irving Goldman. 1230 01:21:40,265 --> 01:21:42,465 Irving Goldman? 1231 01:21:42,545 --> 01:21:43,745 Yes. 1232 01:21:43,825 --> 01:21:47,664 Irving Goldman was the attorney of the late Lionel Twain. 1233 01:21:47,744 --> 01:21:50,544 Lionel Twain died five years ago. 1234 01:21:50,584 --> 01:21:54,024 His body was recently discovered in Goldman's filing cabinet. 1235 01:21:54,064 --> 01:21:57,184 Am I correct, Mr. Goldman? 1236 01:21:57,264 --> 01:22:00,384 Yeah. Correct, Miss Marbles. 1237 01:22:00,464 --> 01:22:03,184 But how did you escape the poison gas? 1238 01:22:03,264 --> 01:22:05,623 Quite simple. I covered my mouth... 1239 01:22:05,703 --> 01:22:07,943 and let Miss Withers here breathe in all the gas. 1240 01:22:09,583 --> 01:22:12,583 - Sicky-poo. - Yes, dear, I know. 1241 01:22:12,663 --> 01:22:16,183 - The million dollars, please. - I wouldn't if I were you, Goldman. 1242 01:22:16,263 --> 01:22:18,103 Or is it Goldman? 1243 01:22:18,183 --> 01:22:20,822 Actually, it's Mr. Marvin Metzner. 1244 01:22:22,542 --> 01:22:24,142 Marvin Metzner? 1245 01:22:25,342 --> 01:22:28,542 Very good, Mr. Charleston. 1246 01:22:28,622 --> 01:22:30,742 But how did you know? 1247 01:22:30,822 --> 01:22:33,342 The bill in the dead butler's hand... 1248 01:22:33,422 --> 01:22:35,741 stating that the entire weekend had been catered. 1249 01:22:35,821 --> 01:22:37,981 Only an accountant would have held onto a thing like that. 1250 01:22:38,061 --> 01:22:40,461 - Dickie, get the money and let's go. - In a moment. 1251 01:22:40,541 --> 01:22:42,981 Goldman was killed last month while skiing. 1252 01:22:43,061 --> 01:22:46,061 He jumped 200 feet into a low-flying plane. 1253 01:22:46,141 --> 01:22:47,901 I can't wait much longer. 1254 01:22:47,981 --> 01:22:51,460 You've not lost your touch, Mr. Charleston. 1255 01:22:51,540 --> 01:22:54,540 But how did you elude the deadly scorpion? 1256 01:22:54,620 --> 01:22:56,860 We didn't. He stung Dora. 1257 01:22:56,940 --> 01:22:59,620 - We have 15 minutes to get to a doctor. - Could you explain later? 1258 01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:02,820 We'll make it. Never fear. The prize money, Mr. Metzner. 1259 01:23:02,860 --> 01:23:05,100 Belongs to me, Monsieur. 1260 01:23:05,180 --> 01:23:08,579 Marcel, being one of the world's strongest men... 1261 01:23:08,659 --> 01:23:13,219 stopped your ceiling from crushing us at four feet, five inches. 1262 01:23:13,259 --> 01:23:17,059 It may be months before we are able to straighten up again... 1263 01:23:17,099 --> 01:23:21,579 but a million dollars will buy a lot of back braces. 1264 01:23:21,659 --> 01:23:25,738 Eh, Miss Irene Twain? 1265 01:23:25,818 --> 01:23:27,778 Daughter of Lionel! 1266 01:23:27,818 --> 01:23:29,618 What? 1267 01:23:30,698 --> 01:23:33,098 I prefer to be called Rita. 1268 01:23:36,058 --> 01:23:37,498 But how did you know? 1269 01:23:37,578 --> 01:23:41,657 Never underestimate a Frenchman's nostrils, Miss Twain. 1270 01:23:41,737 --> 01:23:43,617 At dinner tonight... 1271 01:23:43,657 --> 01:23:46,337 I smelled your Chanel No. 5. 1272 01:23:46,377 --> 01:23:48,697 It was you who did away with all of them: 1273 01:23:48,777 --> 01:23:52,337 Metzner, Goldman and your father. 1274 01:23:52,417 --> 01:23:54,257 In fact, if you had your way... 1275 01:23:54,336 --> 01:23:57,976 you would do away with all men, would you not, Miss Twain? 1276 01:23:58,056 --> 01:24:01,496 Men who have made you ashamed and made you suffer... 1277 01:24:01,576 --> 01:24:03,656 because you were born with brains... 1278 01:24:03,736 --> 01:24:08,376 talent, money, everything but that which you most desired: 1279 01:24:08,456 --> 01:24:10,335 Beauty. 1280 01:24:10,375 --> 01:24:12,775 It is a statement of fact, Miss Twain... 1281 01:24:12,815 --> 01:24:16,415 that as a man you are barely passable, but as a woman... 1282 01:24:16,495 --> 01:24:18,615 you are a dog. 1283 01:24:18,695 --> 01:24:22,775 That's your opinion, big boy. 1284 01:24:23,935 --> 01:24:25,775 And now my money, please. 1285 01:24:25,855 --> 01:24:30,254 With luck, I can still make dinner at Maxim's. 1286 01:24:30,334 --> 01:24:32,694 If I were you, I'd just order a tuna fish sandwich... 1287 01:24:32,774 --> 01:24:34,934 because that dough belongs to me. 1288 01:24:35,014 --> 01:24:37,254 That's right, I'm alive and kicking. 1289 01:24:37,334 --> 01:24:39,774 Miss Skeffington here dropped your bomb down the john. 1290 01:24:39,814 --> 01:24:43,893 It blew up just as she flushed. The seat missed her head by an inch. 1291 01:24:45,413 --> 01:24:47,693 I'm all right, J.J. 1292 01:24:47,773 --> 01:24:49,373 J.J.? 1293 01:24:52,293 --> 01:24:54,933 That's right, folks. He outsmarted us all. 1294 01:24:56,453 --> 01:24:59,292 Sitting behind that desk is the real Sam Diamond. 1295 01:25:00,292 --> 01:25:01,652 My name is Loomis. 1296 01:25:01,732 --> 01:25:05,212 J.J. Loomis. I'm an actor. I do impressions. 1297 01:25:05,292 --> 01:25:08,772 I did the Carson show six times last year. 1298 01:25:08,852 --> 01:25:11,172 Diamond hired me for the weekend. 1299 01:25:11,252 --> 01:25:13,412 Miss Skeffington here is actually Vilma Norman. 1300 01:25:13,492 --> 01:25:16,451 She's a cocktail waitress at the Water Bed Motel in Carmel. 1301 01:25:19,491 --> 01:25:21,331 Diamond hated all of you. 1302 01:25:21,411 --> 01:25:25,691 You were all getting big money, and he had that crummy little office in San Francisco. 1303 01:25:25,731 --> 01:25:28,771 If he proved that he was number one, he would get all your rich clients. 1304 01:25:28,851 --> 01:25:31,890 But since I put all the pieces together... 1305 01:25:33,250 --> 01:25:36,810 I figure that money belongs to me. 1306 01:25:37,890 --> 01:25:39,890 Isn't that right, Mr. Diamond? 1307 01:25:42,530 --> 01:25:43,930 Wrong. 1308 01:25:45,369 --> 01:25:48,209 That would have been so obvious, a child could have guessed it. 1309 01:25:48,289 --> 01:25:51,129 No, my dear colleagues. What you all seem to overlook... 1310 01:25:51,209 --> 01:25:54,049 is the most simple and direct solution. 1311 01:25:54,129 --> 01:25:57,689 That I am indeed... Lionel Twain. 1312 01:26:00,889 --> 01:26:05,448 You've all been so clever for so long... 1313 01:26:05,528 --> 01:26:07,728 you've forgotten to be humble. 1314 01:26:07,808 --> 01:26:11,248 You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. 1315 01:26:11,328 --> 01:26:14,928 You've tortured us all with surprise endings that made no sense. 1316 01:26:15,008 --> 01:26:17,767 You've introduced characters in the last five pages... 1317 01:26:17,847 --> 01:26:20,487 that were never in the book before! 1318 01:26:20,567 --> 01:26:23,847 You've withheld clues and information... 1319 01:26:23,927 --> 01:26:27,487 that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. 1320 01:26:27,567 --> 01:26:30,967 But now the tables are turned. 1321 01:26:32,087 --> 01:26:35,126 Millions of angry mystery readers... 1322 01:26:35,166 --> 01:26:38,206 are now getting their revenge. 1323 01:26:38,286 --> 01:26:41,806 When the world learns I've outsmarted you... 1324 01:26:41,886 --> 01:26:46,046 they'll be selling your $1.95 books for 12 cents. 1325 01:26:46,126 --> 01:26:48,965 It's checkout time, ladies and gentlemen. 1326 01:26:49,045 --> 01:26:50,525 I have your bills ready. 1327 01:26:52,925 --> 01:26:55,165 Credit cards will be accepted. 1328 01:27:15,404 --> 01:27:17,444 Then even the scorpion was a fake? 1329 01:27:17,524 --> 01:27:19,404 Everything. The bridge, the maid. 1330 01:27:19,484 --> 01:27:23,243 - But you're sure about the scorpion? - Positive. 1331 01:27:23,323 --> 01:27:27,003 Even the fog. He made that with a dry ice machine. See for yourself. 1332 01:27:27,083 --> 01:27:28,923 How awfully unromantic. 1333 01:27:34,763 --> 01:27:37,562 Then if he really was Lionel Twain... 1334 01:27:37,642 --> 01:27:40,802 you must really be Sam Diamond. 1335 01:27:40,882 --> 01:27:42,082 That's right, baby. 1336 01:27:42,162 --> 01:27:45,362 I was in disguise, in disguise, in disguise. 1337 01:27:45,402 --> 01:27:48,082 You work hard for 50 bucks a day in this racket. 1338 01:27:48,122 --> 01:27:51,522 I guess that means we won't be seeing each other again, Sam. 1339 01:27:51,602 --> 01:27:54,561 Well, that depends. I'll be around if you need me. 1340 01:27:55,721 --> 01:27:57,881 All you gotta do is whistle. 1341 01:27:59,481 --> 01:28:01,481 And you know how to whistle, don't you, baby? 1342 01:28:01,561 --> 01:28:03,441 Certainly. What do you mean? 1343 01:28:03,481 --> 01:28:06,441 Never mind. Forget it. You ruined it. 1344 01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:13,360 I don't understand, Pop. Was there a murder or wasn't there? 1345 01:28:13,440 --> 01:28:15,760 Yes. Killed good weekend. 1346 01:28:15,800 --> 01:28:17,680 Drive, please.