1 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,200 I am not a bum. 2 00:00:56,615 --> 00:00:59,732 The Jerk 3 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,000 I'm a jerk. 4 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,600 I once had wealth... 5 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,100 ...power... 6 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,700 ...and the love of a beautiful woman. 7 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:13,200 Now l only have two things... 8 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,600 ...my friends... 9 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:18,900 ...and... 10 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,000 ...my thermos. 11 00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,700 My story? 12 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,500 Okay. 13 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,700 It was never easy for me. 14 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:59,300 I was born a poor black child. 15 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:03,200 I remember the days... 16 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,500 ...sitting on the porch with my family... 17 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,300 ...singing and dancing... 18 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,000 ...down in Mississippi. 19 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,400 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 20 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,700 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day 21 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,100 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 22 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,300 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day 23 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:30,000 -"Gonna jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton 24 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,400 -"Gonna jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale a day 25 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,700 -"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton 26 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:37,300 -"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale a day 27 00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:39,500 -"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale of cotton 28 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,900 -"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale a day 29 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,300 -"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale of cotton 30 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,600 -"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale a day 31 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,200 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 32 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,300 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day 33 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,800 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 34 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,200 -"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day 35 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,700 -"Gonna get on my knees -"Pick a bale of cotton 36 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,100 -"Gonna get on my knees -"Pick a bale a day 37 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:03,400 -"Gonna move all around -"Pick a bale of cotton 38 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,700 -"Gonna move all around -"Pick a bale a day 39 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:08,200 -"You want a barebacked man -"Pick a bale of cotton 40 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,500 -"You want a barebacked man -"Pick a bale a day 41 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:13,000 -"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton 42 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,200 -"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale a day" 43 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,300 Boy, l hope everybody's good and hungry. 44 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,100 -I know l am. -And l'm ready for that. 45 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,800 Here's corn bread. 46 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,800 Collard greens. And l cooked up those hog maws you like. 47 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,500 Mother, dear, ain't we forgetting something? 48 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:33,400 No, l'm not. Today is Navin's birthday. 49 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,900 Happy birthday!. 50 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,700 It's Navin's birthday!. 51 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,700 And l cooked you up your favorite meal. 52 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,100 Tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise... 53 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,700 ...a Tab and a couple of Twinkies. 54 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,900 -Here, darling. -Mom, thanks. 55 00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:53,400 You're gonna like that shit, man. 56 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,500 I got you a present. 57 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:01,600 -Gee, Elvira. -I made it myself. 58 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,800 We got you something, too. A half bottle of lilac vegetal. It's from both of us. 59 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,100 I drew you this picture. 60 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,400 -Here. -Thank you. 61 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,400 I want you to have my Zippo. 62 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:21,300 Dad, you had this since the war. 63 00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:25,900 Thanks. 64 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,100 Thanks, everybody. 65 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,300 God bless us... 66 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,400 ...everyone. 67 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,300 Navin!. 68 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,400 Will you pass me the potatoes and the collard greens? 69 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,900 -Navin, darling. -I'm sorry l spoiled the party, Mom. 70 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,600 You didn't spoil the party. 71 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,100 I brought you a Twinkie. 72 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,000 I'm not hungry right now. 73 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,300 Feeling different again? 74 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:09,100 It's like l don't fit in. It's like l don't belong here. 75 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,500 It's your birthday, and it's time you knew. 76 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,000 You're not our natural-born child. 77 00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,300 I'm not? 78 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,800 You were left on our doorstep... 79 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:31,400 ...but we raised you like you were one of us. 80 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,500 You mean l'm going to stay this color? 81 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:42,500 I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass. Come here. 82 00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:55,400 Navin, l wrapped your sandwich in cellophane, just like you like it. 83 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,700 You want to come in and sing some blues? 84 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,100 No, thanks, Taj. 85 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,000 There's something about those songs. 86 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,400 They depress me. 87 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:11,000 Come here, darling. 88 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,200 That's it, darling. 89 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,400 You're getting the rhythm. See? 90 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,100 And that concludes this Sunday night Gospel Hour... 91 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,400 ...live from the Four Square Gospel Church... 92 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,500 ...at the Divine Salvation in St. Louis, Missouri. 93 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,900 The Reverend Willard Willman, Pastor. 94 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,200 And now, music throughout the night. 95 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,400 Music in a mellow mood. 96 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,900 -Grandma!. -What happened? 97 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,300 -Look!. -What happened? 98 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,700 Don't touch that radio!. Don't touch it!. 99 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,700 Turn it up!. Turn it up!. 100 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,900 I've never heard music like this before!. 101 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,100 It speaks to me!. Taj!. Dad!. 102 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,100 This is unbelievable. Now watch. 103 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,500 Yeah? 104 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:33,500 Well, if this is out there, think how much more is out there!. 105 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,900 This is the kind of music that tells me to go out there and be somebody!. 106 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,500 -But Navin-- -Let him go. 107 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,400 Now that you're going out into the world... 108 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,500 ...there's something you should know. 109 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,100 -You see that? -Yeah. 110 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,000 That's shit. 111 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,300 And this is Shinola. 112 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,300 Shit. 113 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,100 Shinola. 114 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:15,500 Son, you're gonna be all right. 115 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,200 Now, what town are you gonna try for first? 116 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,500 I thought l'd go to St. Louis 'cause that's where that radio show was from. 117 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:27,500 And remember, the Lord loves a working man. 118 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,800 -"Lord loves a working man." -And son... 119 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,500 ...don't never, ever trust Whitey. 120 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,200 "Don't trust Whitey. Lord loves a working man, don't trust Whitey." 121 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,600 Baby. 122 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,000 Daddy. 123 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,800 Pierre. Come here. 124 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,300 Don't you forget to grow up now. 125 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,100 -Good luck, brother. -Send me a picture postcard. 126 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,400 Okay, let the boy go. 127 00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:59,200 -Bye. -We got work to do. 128 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:03,000 And l hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. 129 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,500 I will, Ma. I know it's out there. 130 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,400 It's out there, all right. If you catch it, see a doctor and get rid of it. 131 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,800 -"See a doctor and get rid of it." -Good luck. 132 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,500 "Lord loves a working man. Don't trust Whitey. 133 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,800 "See a doctor and get rid of it." 134 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,500 Bye, Grandma!. 135 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,200 I sure do miss Navin. 136 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,100 Is he ever coming back? 137 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:48,000 Take away his place setting. It's making us too goddamn sad. 138 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,000 I wonder if he's doing all right? 139 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,500 Navin!. How you doing? 140 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,100 Don't worry about me. I think l see a car coming. 141 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:05,600 No, wait. It's a truck!. 142 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,100 Lord... 143 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,600 ...take care of our little boy. 144 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,800 -I'm hitchhiking. -How far you going? 145 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,300 St. Louis. How far are you going? 146 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,900 To the end of this fence. 147 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,100 Okay. 148 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,100 I'm Navin Johnson. What's your name, sir? 149 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,000 -Here we are. -Okay. 150 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,800 Thanks for the company. 151 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,300 I hope l can repay you someday. 152 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,100 Well, what is it, boy? Are you lost? 153 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,000 Do you want to play? ls it trouble? 154 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,000 Trouble? 155 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,800 Is it an accident? 156 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,300 A drowning? 157 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,300 A fire? 158 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,200 Fire!. 159 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,000 We've got to warn everybody!. 160 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,600 I've heard about dogs like you. You're going to be famous!. 161 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:11,000 You're going to get your picture taken, and they'll put it in the paper!. 162 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,800 This is exciting!. 163 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:16,800 You saved my life!. Come on, let's warn everybody!. 164 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,300 Fire!. It's a fire!. Fire!. There's a fire!. 165 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,400 Everybody!. Up!. Wake up!. It's a fire!. 166 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,500 It's a fire!. This dog, he's saving everybody's life!. 167 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:32,100 He's unbelievable!. He's some dog!. He's a lifesaver!. 168 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:36,700 That's what l'll call him, too!. Ol' Lifesaver!. That will be your name!. 169 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,600 Folks!. False alarm. There's no fire. 170 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,500 Mister, don't call that dog "Lifesaver." 171 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,800 -No? -Call him "Shithead." 172 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:54,500 Good. "Shithead." 173 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,900 It's exciting. 174 00:13:57,700 --> 00:14:01,400 It's just exciting to have this kind of life on the road. 175 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,500 A guy and his dog. 176 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,200 St. Louis? 177 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,300 No. Navin Johnson. 178 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,800 No, do you want a lift to St. Louis? 179 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,600 -Okay, thanks. -Hop in. 180 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,900 This'll be fine right here. 181 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,100 Thank you. 182 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,500 -Where you going? -To the bathroom. 183 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,300 -Got to have a key. -Can l get one? 184 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:43,200 My key is for customers who buy gas. 185 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:46,000 I'm buying gas. 186 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,000 I don't see no car. 187 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,700 I just need enough for my lighter. 188 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:51,800 Look at this!. 189 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,900 And my wife wanted me to stay home. Look what l would've missed. 190 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,400 A complete fill-up for a whole lighter? 191 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,000 -It's on that wall. -Thank you. 192 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,100 -And don't walk away with it. -I won't. 193 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,300 Pop-top. 194 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,700 Silver Bird, l'm talking to you!. 195 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,200 Listen, you want to be president of Texaco Oil? 196 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:23,700 -Sure!. -Then clean up the sink in there. 197 00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,300 Then l'll be president of Texaco Oil? 198 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,000 Whatever happened to working your way up? 199 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,900 Working for me 10 minutes, and already he wants to be president. The nerve. 200 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,300 Get to work in there!. 201 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,700 But, sir, l don't work here. 202 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,800 Not even for $1 .10 an hour? 203 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:11,400 "Dear Folks, l got this greatjob in a gas station. 204 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,600 "l don't want to say how much l'm getting... 205 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,900 "...but let'sjust say it's a lot! 206 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,100 "l'm enclosing $2!" 207 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,400 That's a good boy!. 208 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,000 "lt's a lot of fun working, and Mr. Hartounian is really nice. 209 00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:26,400 "He's teaching me how to be impatient. 210 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:32,500 "Well, l've got to go now. What do you think l do, write letters all day?" 211 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,000 -You actually sleep here? -Yes. Is that okay? 212 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,900 Come with me. I got a beautiful little place for you. 213 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:45,600 Put the light on. You're going to like it here. 214 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:51,700 Like it? l love it!. This is fabulous!. 215 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,800 You got the toilet here!. 216 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,600 This must be the kitchen. No. 217 00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:00,700 You know what l could do... 218 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,100 ...is take this wall and just turn it this way... 219 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,400 ...so l've got a larger living space... 220 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,300 ...plus it'll create a flow into the main living area. It'll be incredible. 221 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,900 No, l'll just elevate this about six inches... 222 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:15,700 ...create the illusion of two rooms, and yet still have that flow. 223 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,500 Then l can take bookshelves and put it here. 224 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,000 No, l'll put the books right over here. That way l can be relaxing over here... 225 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:27,000 ...the customers can use the urinal. I won't disturb them, they won't disturb me. 226 00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:30,000 Take it easy. It's not here. It's in here. 227 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,800 I couldn't afford this anyway. 228 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,800 Well, this is it. 229 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,700 It's perfect!. 230 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,800 I won't have to change this at all!. 231 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,300 Take a look. 232 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,600 No kitchen, no windows, no chairs, no tables. 233 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,800 It's a masterpiece of understatement. 234 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:53,500 I'll put a bed down here, get a bigger bulb. I'll bring some sheets from the house. 235 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,400 You'll be set for life. 236 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,000 How much is this gonna cost me? 237 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,400 Nothing. When you're rich and famous, you'll send me a postcard. 238 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:07,400 A postcard? 239 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:16,100 Okay!. It's a deal. 240 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,200 It's a deal. 241 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,700 What are those? 242 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,800 Step outside for a second, darling. 243 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,000 Navin, this is my wife Lenore. Lenore, this is Navin. 244 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:28,900 Pleased to meet you. 245 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,200 Do you know why a woman of such pulchritude is married to me? 246 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,300 'Cause l make a comfortable living. 247 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,100 This is the first time l'm leaving you alone on a Sunday. 248 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,100 If anything should happen to this station, this woman would leave me like a-- 249 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,700 In other words, there would be no more.... 250 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,500 -Do you know what l'm talking about? -Yes, sir. No more.... 251 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,600 So remember, guard this station with your life... 252 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,500 ...because my sex life is in your hands. 253 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,900 I can fix those shocks. 254 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,400 No. We just want some gas, muchacho. 255 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:17,700 Okay. But it's Sunday. We've got to have a credit card. 256 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,700 And all the cash is locked up? 257 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,700 No, not locked up. We got a lot of cash. Just that the banks are closed... 258 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,600 ...and l'm not allowed to have cash coming in or out. 259 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,700 I'm alone for the first time. I don't want anything to happen. 260 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,900 You flash this kind of wad in front of some people, they'll kill you for it. 261 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:36,900 So, we've got to have a credit card. 262 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,300 Have we got a credit card in there? 263 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,500 Credit card. 264 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,900 No, thanks. I don't smoke. 265 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,600 -What kind of cigarette is that? -Joint. 266 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:54,900 Joint? 267 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,800 They don't make 'em very good. 268 00:19:56,900 --> 00:20:00,200 -MasterCharge do? -That's fine. We take MasterCharge. 269 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,200 You want a fill-up, Mrs. Nussbaum? 270 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,000 I'm Mr. Nussbaum. 271 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,700 Yeah, that's his wife's card. 272 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,000 -His wife's card? -Yeah, l'll vouch for him. 273 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,400 Okay, as long as we got a voucher. 274 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,700 Stolen!. 275 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,500 I got it!. Just send a police car over. 276 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,100 Mrs. Nussbaum's credit card!. I got the guys who stole it. 277 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,400 Hold on, they're calling me!. I'll be right back!. 278 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,800 -Yes? -Yeah, throw a couple of tires in the trunk. 279 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,500 Put it on the card. Radials. 280 00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:17,300 -Make them whitewalls. -Yes, sir, Mr. Nussbaum. 281 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,400 I'm back, only it's worse than l thought. 282 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,400 They're not only sticking us for gas, but grabbing tires and everything. 283 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,200 They're really socking it to us. 284 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,100 Yeah, it's Hartounian's Gas Station at the corner-- 285 00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,900 Hang on a second. I don't want to get 'em suspicious. 286 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:43,400 Don't worry, l can keep 'em here. I saw this trick in a movie. 287 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,200 -Got your tires!. -Yeah, good. 288 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,900 -Anything else? -Yeah. 289 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:39,100 We'll take that money you got in your pocket. 290 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:42,500 Sure. I'll just put it on the card. 291 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:47,600 Guess what!. You're our eighth customer today!. 292 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,600 You won a free oven mitt!. 293 00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:53,000 I'll go get it for you. 294 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,300 Yeah, l'm back. 295 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,600 Yeah, they're gonna be here for a while. Don't worry. I've rigged it. 296 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,300 You guys want to stick around for an oven mitt? 297 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,000 Hang on just a second. 298 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,700 They might not be here exactly when you get back but... 299 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,700 ...it's a blue Chevy two-door. 300 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,800 And it'd be going south on Hertado Street. 301 00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:08,200 No, l can't make out the license number, but... 302 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:11,300 ...it'd be pulling a small church. 303 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,700 Any blue Chevy pulling a small church l figure that'd be the one, yeah. 304 00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,300 Believe me, l'm not mad at you. 305 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,600 What's the matter with you? What did l lose, a couple of tires? 306 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:29,100 Look at the bright side. We also lost a church. 307 00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:31,800 Mr. Hartounian. 308 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,400 Oh, my God!. 309 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,800 Thank you. 310 00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:54,300 The new phone book's here!. 311 00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:56,700 I wish l could get that excited about nothing. 312 00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:59,600 Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73!. 313 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,700 "Johnson, Navin R." 314 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,600 I'm somebody now!. Millions of people look at this book every day!. 315 00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:10,200 This is the kind of spontaneous publicity... 316 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,500 ...your name in print, that makes people!. 317 00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:16,300 I'm in print!. 318 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:21,200 Things are going to start happening to me now. 319 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,700 "Johnson, Navin R." 320 00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:29,000 Sounds like a typical bastard. 321 00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:35,700 Die, Navin R. Johnson. 322 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,300 Bastard!. 323 00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:43,800 Random son of a bitch, typical run-of-the-mill bastard. 324 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,000 -Fill 'er up? -Fill 'er up and a little bit extra. 325 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,600 -Stan Fox, buying gas. -Navin R. Johnson selling it, sir!. 326 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,500 Gotcha, you average... 327 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:58,000 ...typical blocking-the-view- of-a-goddamn-average-victim bastard!. 328 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,400 -Check your oil? -Check away, Navin R. Johnson. 329 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,100 Oil rag at the ready, sir!. 330 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,500 -Let's check the oil together. -Yes, sir. 331 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,200 Thank you. 332 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:11,700 Son-of-a-blocking bastard!. 333 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,400 Looks good to me, sir, but l'd like your opinion. 334 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,100 Damn these glasses. 335 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,000 It looks good to me, too. Hurry up. Time's a wasting. 336 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,100 I'm going to the john. Don't forget to check those tires. Damn these glasses. 337 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,000 Yes, sir!. I damn thee!. 338 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,600 Damn!. 339 00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:36,100 Damn these glasses!. 340 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,600 -I can fix those glasses. -You can? 341 00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:41,900 Well, here, fix those suckers!. 342 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:54,300 Shit!. 343 00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:16,400 Guess what? l fixed 'em. 344 00:27:18,100 --> 00:27:19,600 I was back there thinking... 345 00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:22,700 ..."What causes glasses to slip on and off?. " 346 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,500 And it's because when you take them on and off... 347 00:27:25,700 --> 00:27:27,700 ...you're putting pressure on the frames. 348 00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:29,500 It causes them to spread. 349 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,700 So l put a little handle right here in the center... 350 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,300 ...that puts the pressure on the bridge. 351 00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:37,500 Just like the tie rods on a '72 Buick. 352 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,700 Plus, l put a little nose brake on here to prevent slippage. Try it. 353 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:43,800 Use the handle. 354 00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:48,300 Well, l'll be. 355 00:27:50,100 --> 00:27:51,000 It works. 356 00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:56,700 I make a pretty good living selling shit like this. I'll tell you what. 357 00:27:56,900 --> 00:28:00,200 If l can develop this gizmo, l'll split it with you fifty-fifty. 358 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:03,200 How much for the gas? l got a load of shit to sell. 359 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,200 -$26.41 . -Here's a triple dix. Keep the change. 360 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,200 Thanks!. 361 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,900 Dead center!. Say your prayers, half-breed!. 362 00:28:24,700 --> 00:28:27,200 Harry!. Look at this!. 363 00:28:27,900 --> 00:28:30,400 What's the matter with these cans? 364 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,100 Die, milk-face!. 365 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,500 These cans are defective. They're springing leaks. 366 00:28:39,700 --> 00:28:41,100 Come and look at this. 367 00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:45,200 You better run for cover or you'll spring a leak. 368 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,300 We don't have defective cans. We have a defective person!. 369 00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:53,600 He hates these cans. 370 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:56,900 Stay away from the cans!. 371 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,000 Die, gas pumper!. 372 00:29:00,100 --> 00:29:02,500 I've got to get away from those cans!. 373 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,700 There's cans in there, too!. 374 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,100 Run!. Run!. 375 00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:10,500 More cans!. 376 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,000 Die, you bastard!. 377 00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:19,000 He doesn't want to put holes in cans. He wants to put holes in you. 378 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,600 What? 379 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,500 Milk-faced bastard!. 380 00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:29,000 Oh, my God!. I'm endangering your life!. 381 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,000 -Cover me!. -You're covered. 382 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:33,500 Suck my toes!. 383 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,800 You stay here!. I'll distract him!. 384 00:29:56,100 --> 00:29:58,300 Shithead!. Come on!. 385 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:02,800 Come on, boy!. Good boy!. 386 00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:35,600 "Carnival personnel only." Damn!. 387 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:41,800 Shithead, come on!. 388 00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:44,500 You're not carnival personnel!. 389 00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:52,100 He's not carnival personnel!. 390 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,800 Okay, move it out!. 391 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,200 "So, Mom, when l told Mr. Hartounian l'd come back, he said: 392 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:06,900 "'Don't be a putz. 393 00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:09,400 "'See the world. Me you've seen already.' 394 00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:14,000 "l took his advice and got a job with SJM Fiesta Shows as a weight guesser. 395 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,800 "Frosty, my boss, told me there's a big future in weight guessing. 396 00:31:18,300 --> 00:31:22,100 "Enclosed is $4.75 for my loving family. 397 00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:25,600 "P.S. Is grandma still farting?" 398 00:31:25,900 --> 00:31:30,400 For $1, l'll guess your weight, your height or your sex. 399 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,400 The most exciting thing on the midway. 400 00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:37,800 Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional. 401 00:31:38,300 --> 00:31:41,100 You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest... 402 00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:43,700 ...but you're not going to fool the guesser!. 403 00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:46,100 How 'bout you, sir? Step right up!. 404 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,800 Honey, let's see how good this guy is. Now, what do l win? 405 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:54,700 Anything in this general area right in here. 406 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:59,100 Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. 407 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:03,200 Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. 408 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,600 Anything in this three inches right in here, in this area. 409 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:10,500 That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers. 410 00:32:10,700 --> 00:32:12,400 No, sir!. Come on, honey. 411 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,800 He thought he had himself a rube. 412 00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:20,000 Frosty, l'm no good at this. 413 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,000 Come on. You're doing fine. 414 00:32:22,300 --> 00:32:26,000 I've already given away eight pencils, two hula dolls and an ashtray... 415 00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:28,400 ...and l've only taken in $15. 416 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,500 Navin, you have taken in $15... 417 00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:34,300 ...and given away 50 cents worth of crap!. 418 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,100 Which gives us a net profit of $14.50. 419 00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:46,400 It's a profit deal. 420 00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:51,400 Takes the pressure off. 421 00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:55,200 Get your weight guessed right here!. Only a buck!. 422 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,800 Actual weight guessing!. Take a chance, win some crap. Step right up-- 423 00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:02,500 Ladies and gentlemen... 424 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:07,400 ...l draw your attention now to the left side ofthe midway. 425 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,300 Presenting the amazing Patti Bernstein... 426 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,800 ...doing her special ride... 427 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,000 ...through the Flaming Wall of Death! 428 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,400 Want to guess my weight, Greenie? 429 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,300 I saw you last night. You were great. 430 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,800 Yeah, right. Turn around. 431 00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:33,800 What? 432 00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:35,700 Turn around. 433 00:34:37,900 --> 00:34:39,200 Go like this. 434 00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:46,500 You're okay. Give me a bite of that corn dog. 435 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,900 What about germs? 436 00:34:49,900 --> 00:34:51,700 Put a rubber on it. 437 00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:55,800 Get on. 438 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,800 Don't you wear him out!. He's got to work tonight. 439 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,400 What a great place!. 440 00:35:16,900 --> 00:35:20,400 You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live. 441 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,600 Just looking around here, l can tell... 442 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,500 ...you're a genuinely dirty person. 443 00:35:29,500 --> 00:35:30,800 What do l do with this? 444 00:35:34,300 --> 00:35:36,100 You keep it there. 445 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:41,800 Where's your garbage? 446 00:35:45,500 --> 00:35:46,500 There. 447 00:35:50,700 --> 00:35:53,200 -Do you know what l'd like to do? -What? 448 00:35:54,700 --> 00:35:56,200 Guess your weight. 449 00:35:56,300 --> 00:35:57,900 That would be interesting for me. 450 00:35:58,100 --> 00:36:00,300 No one has tried to guess my weight. 451 00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:03,500 -I guess their weight so it would be sort-- -Put your arms up. 452 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,900 This will give me a whole different perspective on this. 453 00:36:14,100 --> 00:36:16,500 You're really trying to be accurate. 454 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,300 Is it getting hot in here? 455 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:27,300 Wait a minute!. 456 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,000 What's happening to my special purpose? 457 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,700 What's your special purpose? 458 00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:34,900 When l was a kid, my mom told me that was my special purpose... 459 00:36:35,100 --> 00:36:38,000 ...and someday l'd find out what that special purpose was!. 460 00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:39,900 Today's the day!. 461 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,700 This is like a ride!. 462 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,900 "My dear family, guess what? 463 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:59,000 "Today l found out what my special purpose is for. 464 00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:03,400 "Gosh, what a great time l had. 465 00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:07,700 "l wish the whole family could have been here with me. 466 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,900 "Maybe some other time... 467 00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:14,500 "...as l intend to do this a lot... 468 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,700 "...every chance l get. 469 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,700 "l think next week l'll be able to send more money... 470 00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:24,400 "...as l may have extra work. 471 00:37:24,900 --> 00:37:28,000 "My friend Patti promised me a blow job. 472 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,100 "Your loving son, Navin." 473 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,000 And he's got the kisses here. 474 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:39,100 -That Patti must be a sweet girl. -God bless her. 475 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:10,600 Do you think we'll get to know each other well enough to kiss? 476 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,200 We don't have to. You're my man. 477 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,200 It's like we're married. Look at my ass. 478 00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:22,400 You have my last name tattooed right there under the J's. 479 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:27,400 First l get my name in the phone book, and now l'm on your ass. 480 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,700 You know, l'll bet more people see that than the phone book. 481 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,300 End of the line. 482 00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:49,900 This is Engineer Fred. Come back and visit me again. 483 00:38:54,100 --> 00:38:55,500 Billy!. 484 00:39:02,100 --> 00:39:06,600 Have you seen a 5-year-old boy, blond hair, wearing a T-shirt that says "bullshit" on it? 485 00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:11,100 No, there was just one kid had a T-shirt that said "life sucks" on it. 486 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:15,000 We got off the Round-Up, and he said he wanted to go on the train. 487 00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:16,900 There he is!. Billy!. 488 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,800 -Come back here!. -Get off the train. 489 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,400 Pull that lever!. Pull the lever!. 490 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,200 Here, hold that!. And these!. 491 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,700 Take my keys. And hold my wallet. Okay. 492 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,400 Don't touch the Johnson bar, you'll explode the fuel casing!. 493 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,600 And if the Wolfe and Smith indicator gets above 160... 494 00:39:36,900 --> 00:39:39,700 -...turn that off there. -I can't take you here anymore. 495 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,800 There's a screwdriver. Put it in, turn it one quarter. 496 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,000 Listen, we're going into a tunnel. 497 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,700 Don't stand up. The clearance is only 4 foot-- 498 00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:50,100 -No. -I'm okay. 499 00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:53,100 I was protected by the bill of my Engineer Fred cap. 500 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,400 Thanks for pulling my cap down. 501 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,600 You scared me half to death. Thank you so much. 502 00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,700 It would've been so embarrassing to go home without Billy. 503 00:40:21,900 --> 00:40:27,100 Here's your gloves and your oil can and your wallet. 504 00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,500 And this fell out. 505 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,200 Those guys!. 506 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:38,500 Listen, what you did just now was very brave. 507 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,200 Is there some way l could repay you? 508 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:42,900 Repay me? 509 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,200 I could never accept anything from you for saving your child. 510 00:40:46,300 --> 00:40:50,600 He's not my child. I'm just baby-sitting for a friend. 511 00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:55,200 -Would it be too much if l asked for a kiss? -No. 512 00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,900 He's a real little dickens. 513 00:41:08,900 --> 00:41:10,200 Thank you. 514 00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:16,100 Miss? 515 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,400 I was just standing here right now, and l was... 516 00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:23,600 ...wondering, if you weren't doing anything tomorrow... 517 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:30,300 ...maybe you might want to go out with.... 518 00:41:31,100 --> 00:41:32,300 What? 519 00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:38,200 I thought maybe you might want to go out with me. 520 00:41:38,900 --> 00:41:41,100 Are you trying to ask me for a date? 521 00:41:44,500 --> 00:41:47,900 Once for no, twice for yes. 522 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,300 Okay. 523 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,000 You're so cute. 524 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:59,600 How about 3:30 tomorrow at the Round-Up? 525 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,300 Okay. 526 00:42:04,100 --> 00:42:06,100 Do you have any boyfriends? 527 00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:09,000 Not really. 528 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,900 Are they crazy? lf l was a fella, l'd be around all the time. 529 00:42:13,100 --> 00:42:15,700 Well, see if you can work it out. 530 00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:17,900 We have a date tomorrow. 531 00:42:19,500 --> 00:42:21,400 What's your name? 532 00:42:22,100 --> 00:42:23,100 Marie. 533 00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:26,200 What's yours? 534 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,600 I'll tell you tomorrow. It'll give us something interesting to talk about. 535 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,200 Hi!. 536 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,400 What's up, hubby? 537 00:42:53,300 --> 00:42:54,800 I got these for you. 538 00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,300 Thanks. 539 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,900 Navin, you know the other day when l showed you the tattoo? 540 00:43:03,100 --> 00:43:04,300 Yeah. 541 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,400 Well, l forgot to tell you something. 542 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,900 -Really? What? -This. 543 00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:20,800 That's what's going to happen to you if l ever catch you looking at another broad. 544 00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:22,800 I'm glad you told me. 545 00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:26,500 And remember, l did this without anger. 546 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,100 And l stayed away from your crotch. 547 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,000 Bye, sweetie. 548 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,100 -Hi!. -What happened? 549 00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:41,600 It was unbelievable. These guys jumped me. 550 00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:44,800 They tried to get these flowers. I got 'em for you. 551 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,600 It's kind of a traditional date deal. 552 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,900 Yeah, l've heard of that. What were they? 553 00:43:52,500 --> 00:43:54,300 Couple of dozen roses. 554 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,900 Look like daisy stems. 555 00:43:57,100 --> 00:44:00,000 What? That guy gypped me. 556 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,100 Put daisy stems on my roses. 557 00:44:04,100 --> 00:44:06,300 Look, these hoodlums are dangerous. 558 00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:09,200 I think we ought to get out of here before she sees us. 559 00:44:09,700 --> 00:44:11,800 -"She"? -What? 560 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,700 -You said "she." -No!. 561 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:16,600 I always call a gang "she." 562 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:20,200 It's like when you call a boat "she" or a hurricane "she." 563 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,500 Or a girl? 564 00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:26,300 You can call a girl "she." That's just one of the many things you can call "she." 565 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:31,100 Why are you smiling? 566 00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:34,400 You're the fiirst person l've ever had at my place. 567 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,100 Do you live here? 568 00:44:36,700 --> 00:44:38,200 It's nice. 569 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:39,600 Did you decorate it? 570 00:44:39,700 --> 00:44:43,300 I got this from the old Cup O' Pizza place before they tore it down. 571 00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:49,100 That was really good pizza. 572 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,200 This is the best pizza in a cup ever. 573 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:55,000 This guy's unbelievable. He ran the old Cup O' Pizza guy out of business. 574 00:44:55,300 --> 00:44:57,700 People come from all over to get this. 575 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,700 You know, you have beautiful skin. 576 00:45:17,900 --> 00:45:19,100 May l? 577 00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:28,100 So smooth and flexible. 578 00:45:29,100 --> 00:45:31,700 I take after my mother's side of the family. 579 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:35,700 It's amazing the way it just snaps back like that. Amazing. 580 00:45:37,700 --> 00:45:39,700 -Are you a model? -No. 581 00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,200 I'm a cosmetologist. 582 00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:47,300 Really? A cosmetologist? 583 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,100 That's unbelievable. 584 00:45:50,700 --> 00:45:52,300 That's impressive. 585 00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,500 It must be tough to handle the weightlessness. 586 00:45:57,500 --> 00:45:59,500 Can l ask you a personal question? 587 00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:02,600 What is it? 588 00:46:04,300 --> 00:46:06,100 Now be totally honest. 589 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,800 You do have a boyfriend, don't you? 590 00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:11,800 Kind of. 591 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,800 I know this is our first date, but... 592 00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:22,100 ...do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend... 593 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,600 ...you could think of me? 594 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,300 -I haven't made love to him yet. -That's too bad. 595 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,500 Do you think it's possible that... 596 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,200 ...someday... 597 00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:38,000 ...you could make love with me and think of him? 598 00:46:38,300 --> 00:46:39,600 Who knows? 599 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,800 Maybe you and he can make love and you could think of me. 600 00:46:44,700 --> 00:46:47,100 I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere. 601 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,500 Do you have a girlfriend? 602 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:09,500 -Does it matter? -I'd like to think you were available. 603 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,600 I'm available. 604 00:47:23,300 --> 00:47:24,600 Did you forget about my ass? 605 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,000 No, l've been thinking about it. 606 00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,400 She tattooed my name on her ass. 607 00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,600 Not just my name. A lot of names!. 608 00:47:31,900 --> 00:47:35,600 And funny things, too. She's got one up here that says "Slippery when wet." 609 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,900 -How do you know that? -What is she, some great piece of ass? 610 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,300 She's no great piece of ass!. 611 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,100 I mean, wait a minute. 612 00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,500 We're all adults here. Let's reason this out. 613 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,100 Marie's the type of person that if you got-- 614 00:47:51,300 --> 00:47:53,400 If this gash doesn't get out of here... 615 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:56,000 ...l am gonna drive this bike up her butt!. 616 00:47:56,100 --> 00:47:57,900 While Patti tends to be more direct. 617 00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,000 As for you, farm boy.... 618 00:48:00,900 --> 00:48:02,500 We're married!. 619 00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:04,900 And as for you, kewpie doll-- 620 00:48:07,900 --> 00:48:10,500 You protected me. You must really like me. 621 00:48:16,876 --> 00:48:19,275 "l know, l know 622 00:48:19,575 --> 00:48:21,475 "You belong 623 00:48:22,075 --> 00:48:26,073 "To somebody new 624 00:48:27,273 --> 00:48:29,772 "But tonight 625 00:48:30,072 --> 00:48:34,071 "You belong to me 626 00:48:38,170 --> 00:48:40,469 "Although, although 627 00:48:40,669 --> 00:48:43,069 "We're apart 628 00:48:43,369 --> 00:48:45,468 "You're part 629 00:48:45,768 --> 00:48:48,267 "Of my heart 630 00:48:48,667 --> 00:48:50,966 "And tonight 631 00:48:51,266 --> 00:48:55,265 "You belong to me 632 00:48:59,364 --> 00:49:01,564 "Way down 633 00:49:01,963 --> 00:49:04,063 "By the stream 634 00:49:04,563 --> 00:49:06,562 "How sweet 635 00:49:07,262 --> 00:49:09,261 "lt would seem 636 00:49:09,861 --> 00:49:11,661 "Once more 637 00:49:11,961 --> 00:49:14,560 "Just to dream 638 00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,859 "ln the moonlight 639 00:49:19,159 --> 00:49:23,058 "My honey, l know, l know 640 00:49:23,257 --> 00:49:25,457 "With the dawn 641 00:49:25,757 --> 00:49:27,556 "That you 642 00:49:28,356 --> 00:49:30,755 "Will be gone 643 00:49:31,055 --> 00:49:33,155 "But tonight 644 00:49:33,755 --> 00:49:35,854 "You belong 645 00:49:36,554 --> 00:49:40,353 "To me, just to little old me" 646 00:50:12,044 --> 00:50:13,643 You know... 647 00:50:14,643 --> 00:50:17,043 ...while you were playing that just now... 648 00:50:18,342 --> 00:50:21,241 ...l had the craziest fantasy that l could... 649 00:50:22,241 --> 00:50:23,541 ...rise up... 650 00:50:24,141 --> 00:50:27,839 ...float right down the end of this cornet... 651 00:50:28,539 --> 00:50:30,439 ...right through here... 652 00:50:30,639 --> 00:50:32,738 ...through these valves... 653 00:50:32,938 --> 00:50:35,337 ...right along this tube... 654 00:50:35,837 --> 00:50:38,137 ...come right up against your lips... 655 00:50:39,136 --> 00:50:41,036 ...and give you a kiss. 656 00:50:43,835 --> 00:50:45,435 Why didn't you? 657 00:50:46,034 --> 00:50:48,134 I didn't want to get spit on me. 658 00:51:40,919 --> 00:51:43,019 Was it good for you, too? 659 00:51:46,718 --> 00:51:49,017 I really do want to kiss you... 660 00:51:51,116 --> 00:51:52,816 ...but l'm afraid. 661 00:51:53,516 --> 00:51:56,515 -I would have kept my tongue in. -No, l mean... 662 00:51:59,214 --> 00:52:01,513 ...l'm afraid if l kiss you... 663 00:52:03,613 --> 00:52:05,612 ...l'll fall in love with you. 664 00:52:06,612 --> 00:52:08,012 You will? 665 00:52:08,711 --> 00:52:10,611 And l don't want to. 666 00:52:12,010 --> 00:52:13,510 You don't? 667 00:52:15,010 --> 00:52:19,208 My mother sacrificed everything to send me through cosmetology school. 668 00:52:19,508 --> 00:52:20,908 She did? 669 00:52:22,408 --> 00:52:25,207 She has this dream for me to be something. 670 00:52:25,907 --> 00:52:27,306 She does? 671 00:52:28,506 --> 00:52:31,605 To marry someone with power... 672 00:52:32,605 --> 00:52:34,804 ...money, vision. 673 00:52:36,204 --> 00:52:38,603 Someone with a special purpose. 674 00:52:42,102 --> 00:52:43,802 I've got one!. 675 00:52:44,501 --> 00:52:47,701 -I've got a special purpose!. -You do? 676 00:52:47,900 --> 00:52:49,800 Yes!. It's fantastic!. 677 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,099 It's great!. It's unbelievable!. 678 00:52:53,399 --> 00:52:57,298 And l was afraid to tell you about it. Your mother's gonna love me!. 679 00:53:00,297 --> 00:53:02,496 Marie, are you awake? 680 00:53:04,696 --> 00:53:05,795 Good. 681 00:53:07,695 --> 00:53:09,794 You look so beautiful and peaceful... 682 00:53:10,194 --> 00:53:11,794 ...you almost look dead. 683 00:53:14,893 --> 00:53:16,393 I'm glad because... 684 00:53:16,792 --> 00:53:20,591 ...there's something l want to say that's always been difficult for me to say. 685 00:53:22,791 --> 00:53:26,290 I slit the sheet, the sheet l slit and on the slitted sheet l sit. 686 00:53:28,989 --> 00:53:32,588 I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. 687 00:53:33,788 --> 00:53:35,987 You give me confidence in myself. 688 00:53:37,587 --> 00:53:41,486 I know we've only known each other for four weeks and three days... 689 00:53:41,885 --> 00:53:45,784 ...but to me, it seems like nine weeks and five days. 690 00:53:47,884 --> 00:53:50,483 The first day seemed like a week. 691 00:53:51,183 --> 00:53:54,582 And the second day seemed like five days. 692 00:53:55,182 --> 00:53:57,681 And the third day seemed like a week again. 693 00:53:58,081 --> 00:54:01,380 And the fourth day seemed like eight days. 694 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:05,179 But the fifth day you went to see your mother... 695 00:54:05,579 --> 00:54:07,978 ...and that seemed just like a day. 696 00:54:08,378 --> 00:54:11,477 But then you came back, and later... 697 00:54:12,177 --> 00:54:15,176 ...on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other... 698 00:54:15,376 --> 00:54:19,075 ...that started seeming like two days. 699 00:54:19,775 --> 00:54:23,174 So in the evening, it seemed like two days spilling into the next day... 700 00:54:23,474 --> 00:54:27,973 ...and that started seeming like four days. So, at the end of the sixth day... 701 00:54:28,272 --> 00:54:31,971 ...on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. 702 00:54:32,771 --> 00:54:37,870 And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. 703 00:54:39,769 --> 00:54:44,168 I have it written down, but l can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. 704 00:54:45,068 --> 00:54:48,867 Anyway, l've decided that tomorrow... 705 00:54:49,766 --> 00:54:54,665 ...when the time is right, l'm going to ask you to marry me. 706 00:54:57,064 --> 00:55:00,863 If that's okay with you, just don't say anything. 707 00:55:05,862 --> 00:55:07,861 You've made me very happy. 708 00:55:15,459 --> 00:55:20,458 "Oh, l'll see you again 709 00:55:20,858 --> 00:55:25,357 "Whenever spring breaks through again" 710 00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:27,456 Honey, sing!. 711 00:55:29,955 --> 00:55:33,054 "Time may lie heavy between 712 00:55:33,454 --> 00:55:35,454 "But what has been 713 00:55:35,654 --> 00:55:39,053 "ls past forgetting 714 00:55:39,753 --> 00:55:43,851 "This sweet memory 715 00:55:44,051 --> 00:55:49,650 "Across the years will come to me 716 00:55:50,550 --> 00:55:54,648 "Though my world may go awry 717 00:55:55,648 --> 00:56:00,147 "ln my heart will ever lie 718 00:56:01,247 --> 00:56:05,645 "Just the echo of a sigh 719 00:56:09,644 --> 00:56:11,144 "Good-bye" 720 00:56:12,144 --> 00:56:15,743 Honey, who's the happiest guy in the world? 721 00:56:17,142 --> 00:56:18,142 You are!. 722 00:56:18,842 --> 00:56:22,841 That's right!. And who's the happiest gal? 723 00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:27,039 That's right. 724 00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:30,738 Honey, guess what? l wrote a song for you this morning: 725 00:56:30,938 --> 00:56:35,337 "Oh, l'm picking out a thermos for you 726 00:56:35,637 --> 00:56:39,236 "Not an ordinary thermos for you 727 00:56:39,636 --> 00:56:43,235 "But the extra best thermos you can buy 728 00:56:43,435 --> 00:56:46,834 "With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in 729 00:56:47,134 --> 00:56:50,933 "l'm picking out a thermos for you 730 00:56:51,133 --> 00:56:54,232 "And maybe a barometer too 731 00:56:54,532 --> 00:56:58,331 "And what else can l buy so on me you'll rely 732 00:56:58,531 --> 00:57:01,130 "A rear-end thermometer too" 733 00:57:01,430 --> 00:57:05,329 Honey!. There's a question l've been wanting to pop but... 734 00:57:05,529 --> 00:57:07,628 ...l've been afraid you'd say no. 735 00:57:08,028 --> 00:57:12,327 But this seems like the right time and place, so here goes. 736 00:57:13,626 --> 00:57:16,426 Honey, will you marry me? 737 00:57:20,125 --> 00:57:24,523 Come on, let's seal it with a kiss!. Get in the tub with me!. 738 00:57:25,923 --> 00:57:28,622 Not you, Shithead. Where's Marie? 739 00:57:29,922 --> 00:57:31,221 What letter? 740 00:57:39,219 --> 00:57:40,819 "Dear...." 741 00:57:57,814 --> 00:57:59,414 Marie!. 742 00:58:00,213 --> 00:58:03,413 Shithead!. Come here!. Good idea!. 743 00:58:05,612 --> 00:58:06,812 Why did you leave me? 744 00:58:07,012 --> 00:58:09,611 I couldn't read the letter!. It was too blurry!. 745 00:58:12,410 --> 00:58:13,610 Here, boy. 746 00:58:20,208 --> 00:58:22,107 Where are you? 747 00:58:38,903 --> 00:58:41,002 This is not going to be easy, Shithead. 748 00:58:42,302 --> 00:58:44,401 We've been together a long time. 749 00:58:45,101 --> 00:58:47,500 But l've got to head down that road. 750 00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,999 There'll be times out there when there won't be enough food for two. 751 00:58:53,399 --> 00:58:54,798 And l won't be able to-- 752 00:58:55,598 --> 00:58:56,998 Wait a minute. 753 00:58:57,098 --> 00:58:58,397 I'm not done yet. 754 00:58:58,597 --> 00:59:00,497 Come back, l'm not finished. 755 00:59:00,697 --> 00:59:02,496 I have some more to tell ya. 756 00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:07,895 You'll find a family who can give you a real home... 757 00:59:08,094 --> 00:59:11,094 ...with loving kids and a warm fireplace. 758 00:59:11,594 --> 00:59:13,493 I never liked you, anyway. 759 00:59:13,793 --> 00:59:15,792 Now get out of here!. 760 00:59:16,692 --> 00:59:19,691 Okay, okay!. You win!. You can go with me. 761 00:59:23,890 --> 00:59:27,189 "And so, Mom, with my faithful dog leading the way... 762 00:59:27,789 --> 00:59:30,488 "...l'm out to win the hand ofMarie. 763 00:59:30,688 --> 00:59:35,687 "You'd love her, Mom. She looksjust like you, except she's white and blonde. 764 00:59:36,387 --> 00:59:39,686 "So, to win her back, l've vowed to make something of myself. 765 00:59:39,986 --> 00:59:44,384 "l settled in Los Angeles, took the money l saved and rented my fiirst apartment. 766 00:59:45,284 --> 00:59:47,084 "l haven't heard from Marie. 767 00:59:48,083 --> 00:59:51,882 "Things couldn't be worse. I can only send you 49 cents this week..." 768 00:59:52,182 --> 00:59:54,781 -Bless his heart. -That's a good boy. 769 00:59:54,981 --> 00:59:57,581 "...as l've lost all my jobs. 770 00:59:58,081 --> 01:00:01,979 "l've been eating well. The hospital gives out free orange juice and cookies... 771 01:00:02,279 --> 01:00:05,079 "...and all l have to do is give them a pint of blood. 772 01:00:05,778 --> 01:00:09,077 "l ate there all week, three times a day." 773 01:00:09,277 --> 01:00:10,177 Pint of blood? 774 01:00:10,277 --> 01:00:14,776 "l quit when l cut myself shaving and nothing came out but air. 775 01:00:16,575 --> 01:00:20,874 "l have to go now as someone is staring at me through binoculars. 776 01:00:21,174 --> 01:00:22,974 "Your loving son, Navin." 777 01:00:26,573 --> 01:00:28,172 It's him. 778 01:00:35,270 --> 01:00:36,470 Him. 779 01:00:41,269 --> 01:00:44,768 What's him doing here? Shithead!. Shithead!. 780 01:00:46,267 --> 01:00:48,167 Attack!. Attack!. 781 01:00:49,666 --> 01:00:51,366 Not me!. 782 01:00:52,965 --> 01:00:54,765 Get off, Shithead!. 783 01:01:53,448 --> 01:01:55,648 You're going to have to sign for this. 784 01:01:58,347 --> 01:02:00,546 I have to sign before you shoot me? 785 01:02:00,746 --> 01:02:02,746 I'm not gonna shoot ya!. 786 01:02:04,045 --> 01:02:06,545 -Why not? -That was the old me. 787 01:02:06,745 --> 01:02:09,044 I was a little mixed up at that time. 788 01:02:09,244 --> 01:02:12,643 Had a bad marriage, and l just gave up smoking. 789 01:02:13,143 --> 01:02:14,842 I'm okay now. 790 01:02:15,942 --> 01:02:17,842 I'm a private detective. 791 01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:27,539 -So long. -Thank you. 792 01:02:35,737 --> 01:02:37,836 "Dear Mr. Johnson... 793 01:02:38,936 --> 01:02:41,235 "...please call on me, in Suite... 794 01:02:42,535 --> 01:02:46,134 "...2655 at the Century Plaza Tower... 795 01:02:46,834 --> 01:02:48,233 "...in Los Angeles. 796 01:02:49,333 --> 01:02:54,131 "l have something ofgreat importance to impart to you." 797 01:02:55,031 --> 01:02:57,531 Navin!. Remember me? 798 01:02:58,730 --> 01:03:01,229 -No, but don't feel bad. -Fox. 799 01:03:02,729 --> 01:03:04,329 Stan Fox!. 800 01:03:04,529 --> 01:03:06,628 Remember the gas station? 801 01:03:06,928 --> 01:03:11,127 Boy, you are one hard guy to find!. 802 01:03:14,226 --> 01:03:15,825 You don't remember me. 803 01:03:17,725 --> 01:03:19,924 The glasses handle!. Look!. 804 01:03:22,124 --> 01:03:23,423 Yeah. 805 01:03:24,023 --> 01:03:26,622 -My glasses handle. -Use the Opti-Grab. 806 01:03:27,222 --> 01:03:30,021 -"Opti-Grab"? -Yeah, we call it Opti-Grab. 807 01:03:30,221 --> 01:03:32,821 -Opti-Grab. -"Opti," from the eye... 808 01:03:33,021 --> 01:03:35,620 ...and "grab," from where you grab it!. 809 01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:37,919 Opti-grabbing it!. 810 01:03:38,019 --> 01:03:39,919 Navin, my boy, we're in business!. 811 01:03:40,319 --> 01:03:42,918 Fifty-fifty, just like we said. 812 01:03:43,218 --> 01:03:46,117 Right in here l have your first check... 813 01:03:46,817 --> 01:03:49,616 ...for two hundred and fifty big ones. 814 01:03:50,316 --> 01:03:51,815 Two-fifty? 815 01:03:52,315 --> 01:03:55,314 That's just the beginning. There's gonna be more. Lots more!. 816 01:03:55,714 --> 01:03:57,314 Can l cash this? 817 01:03:57,514 --> 01:04:01,413 You can do whatever you like. It's your money. It's a cashier's check. 818 01:04:02,013 --> 01:04:03,412 I can use money!. 819 01:04:03,912 --> 01:04:08,811 Yes, l have a cashier's check, and l'd like to cash it. 820 01:04:09,111 --> 01:04:10,910 How much is it for? 821 01:04:11,110 --> 01:04:15,309 Two hundred and fifty big ones. 822 01:04:19,608 --> 01:04:22,707 Two hundred and fifty dollareenies. 823 01:04:25,406 --> 01:04:29,005 That's two hundred and fifty doughnuts. 824 01:04:31,904 --> 01:04:33,404 You want to cash this? 825 01:04:33,704 --> 01:04:36,003 Well, l could take fifty of the doughnuts... 826 01:04:36,203 --> 01:04:39,102 ...and deposit the other two-hundred beauties. 827 01:04:39,402 --> 01:04:43,101 -Have a seat, Mr. Johnson. -Thank you. 828 01:04:44,501 --> 01:04:46,600 I will need two pieces of identification. 829 01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:51,599 Yes. I have my temporary driver's license... 830 01:04:53,098 --> 01:04:56,997 ...and my astronaut application form. 831 01:04:58,397 --> 01:05:02,096 I didn't pass that, though. I failed everything but the date of birth. 832 01:05:02,396 --> 01:05:03,995 Didn't get the job. 833 01:05:04,295 --> 01:05:08,694 Everything's in order. If you'll just endorse this there. 834 01:05:09,494 --> 01:05:11,093 -I need a pen. -Pen. Okay. 835 01:05:11,193 --> 01:05:13,093 -Right here. -Thank you. 836 01:05:14,692 --> 01:05:17,791 Fill out this deposit slip right there. 837 01:05:18,491 --> 01:05:22,190 The endorsing and filling out of the deposit slip. 838 01:05:22,690 --> 01:05:26,689 Two-hundred and fifty... 839 01:05:27,189 --> 01:05:29,088 ...thousand-- 840 01:05:41,185 --> 01:05:43,884 "Dear Harry, guess what? 841 01:05:44,084 --> 01:05:46,184 "l'm rich beyond my wildest dreams. 842 01:05:46,483 --> 01:05:50,082 "But l haven't forgotten our deal. Here's that postcard l promised you. 843 01:05:50,382 --> 01:05:52,882 "l bet you thought you'd never get it. 844 01:05:53,182 --> 01:05:55,281 "Your friend forever, Navin." 845 01:05:55,681 --> 01:05:57,180 How do you like that? 846 01:05:57,480 --> 01:06:00,280 He promised me a postcard, and he sent me a postcard. 847 01:06:01,179 --> 01:06:02,679 Kid has integrity. 848 01:06:20,874 --> 01:06:22,973 Shithead, come on. 849 01:06:37,669 --> 01:06:40,268 Hello? Yes? 850 01:06:40,968 --> 01:06:43,667 Who? Mrs. Kimball? 851 01:06:45,667 --> 01:06:47,266 You're Marie's mom!. 852 01:06:48,166 --> 01:06:50,166 You read about me in the paper? 853 01:06:50,366 --> 01:06:52,965 I've been trying to reach her, l don't know where she is. 854 01:06:53,165 --> 01:06:55,164 I'd give anything to find out. 855 01:06:56,364 --> 01:06:58,163 Well, that sounds a little high. 856 01:06:58,663 --> 01:07:00,463 How about $75? 857 01:07:01,563 --> 01:07:04,062 Okay, what is it? 858 01:07:04,662 --> 01:07:07,061 The May Company in Los Angeles. 859 01:07:07,261 --> 01:07:10,460 Shithead!. I know where she is!. I know where she is!. 860 01:07:10,860 --> 01:07:12,859 Now, doesn't that feel good? 861 01:07:16,158 --> 01:07:18,458 There now, we are complete. 862 01:07:20,757 --> 01:07:23,156 Putting on Mask-O-Derm just took a few minutes... 863 01:07:23,356 --> 01:07:25,956 ...and when we peel it off he'll look 20 years younger. 864 01:07:26,156 --> 01:07:27,555 Alevai. 865 01:07:27,755 --> 01:07:29,355 Yes, exactly. 866 01:07:29,455 --> 01:07:34,653 Now, we'll let this dry. In the meantime, we can pick out an eye shadow and lip tint. 867 01:07:35,053 --> 01:07:36,953 Everyone follow me this way... 868 01:07:37,153 --> 01:07:40,652 ...because this is a very interesting line. I think you'll enjoy this. 869 01:07:40,852 --> 01:07:45,350 With your husband's coloring, a deep tone would bring out his lips. 870 01:07:45,650 --> 01:07:49,849 This Nature Beige will feature his eyes just wonderfully. 871 01:07:50,149 --> 01:07:51,948 Let's try everything. 872 01:07:55,048 --> 01:07:56,247 What? 873 01:07:58,147 --> 01:08:02,046 Let's go unmask lrving. Everyone, back this way. 874 01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:05,645 We are now going to peel off our Mask-O-Derm. 875 01:08:05,845 --> 01:08:10,143 Irving's skin will be tighter, firmer and he'll look like a different man. 876 01:08:10,443 --> 01:08:12,243 You'll be amazed. 877 01:08:12,743 --> 01:08:14,742 Get ready, lrving!. 878 01:08:29,338 --> 01:08:32,237 This shit really worked. 879 01:08:39,235 --> 01:08:41,135 My sweetheart. 880 01:08:41,735 --> 01:08:44,634 What are you doing to my husband, you Miss Blondie? 881 01:08:44,734 --> 01:08:47,033 Irving, are you crazy? 882 01:08:47,233 --> 01:08:50,332 "Dear Mom, the big news is: Marie and l were married. 883 01:08:50,632 --> 01:08:52,032 "We couldn't wait. 884 01:08:52,132 --> 01:08:57,330 "We found someone at the Hollywood View Apartments who could do it immediately. 885 01:08:57,730 --> 01:08:59,830 "He was a certifiiedpriest. 886 01:09:02,629 --> 01:09:05,028 "We were both glad we had a religious wedding. 887 01:09:05,628 --> 01:09:08,027 "Money hasn't changed our lives that much. 888 01:09:08,327 --> 01:09:11,926 "Our one little extravagance is a live-in butler and housekeeper." 889 01:09:12,226 --> 01:09:16,125 -Another check!. -Just as l thought. 890 01:09:16,325 --> 01:09:19,524 Look at that. Nearly $750,000. 891 01:09:19,824 --> 01:09:24,223 With this kind of income, you could buy a larger house with servants' quarters. 892 01:09:24,823 --> 01:09:28,721 "Well, Mom, remember my dream of owning a big house on a hill... 893 01:09:29,021 --> 01:09:33,820 "...and how l used to wish for a living room with a plaster lion in it from Mexico? 894 01:09:34,020 --> 01:09:37,619 "And how l always wanted a large 24-seat dining table... 895 01:09:37,819 --> 01:09:43,018 "...in a dining room with original paintings by Michelangelo and Rembrandt? 896 01:09:43,617 --> 01:09:46,117 "And remember how l always wanted a rotating bed... 897 01:09:46,317 --> 01:09:49,216 "...with pink chiffon and zebra stripes? 898 01:09:49,416 --> 01:09:52,015 "And remember how l used to chitchat with dad about... 899 01:09:52,315 --> 01:09:55,314 "...always wanting a bathtub shaped like a clam... 900 01:09:55,714 --> 01:09:58,413 "...and an offiice with orange and white stripes? 901 01:09:58,613 --> 01:10:03,312 "Remember how much l wanted an all red billiard room with a giant stuffed camel... 902 01:10:03,612 --> 01:10:07,311 "...and how l wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers... 903 01:10:07,511 --> 01:10:10,310 "...and a party room with fancy friends? 904 01:10:11,110 --> 01:10:14,709 "And remember how much l wanted a big backyard with Grecian statues... 905 01:10:15,009 --> 01:10:17,608 "...S-shaped hedges, and three swimming pools? 906 01:10:17,808 --> 01:10:19,707 "Well, l got that too. 907 01:10:22,407 --> 01:10:24,706 "Marie and l are getting along swell... 908 01:10:25,206 --> 01:10:28,705 "...but l've got a lot to learn about handling my money and banks. 909 01:10:29,205 --> 01:10:30,904 "You have to be careful. 910 01:10:32,704 --> 01:10:34,403 "Poor Hobart. 911 01:10:34,603 --> 01:10:37,602 "His dear wife Hester took money out of her savings account... 912 01:10:37,802 --> 01:10:41,001 "...and had to pay a substantial penalty for early withdrawal. 913 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,899 "Enclosed is this week's check. Love, Navin." 914 01:10:49,899 --> 01:10:51,898 Sorry about your wife, Hobart. 915 01:10:52,098 --> 01:10:54,298 Federal regulations, sir. 916 01:10:55,097 --> 01:10:56,297 Dear me. 917 01:10:56,697 --> 01:11:00,796 Your wife has given you another gold chain. 918 01:11:01,796 --> 01:11:03,495 I'd nearly forgotten. 919 01:11:03,995 --> 01:11:07,394 I suppose l'm still not quite over Hester's death. 920 01:11:07,594 --> 01:11:09,393 Well, these things take time. 921 01:11:09,593 --> 01:11:11,593 Yes, so l'm told. 922 01:11:11,793 --> 01:11:15,592 Here's your drink, sir. Like the one you saw in the magazine. 923 01:11:15,892 --> 01:11:18,291 You got the bamboo umbrella and everything. 924 01:11:21,790 --> 01:11:24,789 See that? "Be somebody." 925 01:11:27,788 --> 01:11:30,188 Very good, sir. Very good. 926 01:11:33,087 --> 01:11:35,686 There are some charity people here to see you, sir. 927 01:11:35,886 --> 01:11:38,585 No!. Send them away!. 928 01:11:38,685 --> 01:11:41,085 There's a lot of people more deserving than me!. 929 01:11:41,285 --> 01:11:44,184 But these people want you to give. 930 01:11:48,982 --> 01:11:50,082 Okay. 931 01:11:50,282 --> 01:11:53,681 My name is Father Carlos Las Vegas De Cordoba. 932 01:11:54,481 --> 01:11:56,980 Father, you seem like a religious man. 933 01:11:57,480 --> 01:11:58,880 How can l help you? 934 01:11:58,980 --> 01:12:02,679 By giving me three minutes of your time so that you can see some film... 935 01:12:02,879 --> 01:12:06,278 ...of a great ugliness that is spreading in my country. 936 01:12:07,377 --> 01:12:10,077 God. I'll bet it's disgusting. 937 01:12:11,076 --> 01:12:12,876 -Hobart? -Yes, sir? 938 01:12:13,076 --> 01:12:15,475 Are you over your grief enough to dim the lights? 939 01:12:15,675 --> 01:12:19,174 Of course, sir. One can't mourn forever. 940 01:12:19,574 --> 01:12:22,473 You will not believe what you are about to see... 941 01:12:23,173 --> 01:12:25,772 ...that human beings could have sunk so low... 942 01:12:26,072 --> 01:12:29,871 ...that they can take pleasure to do this to another of God's creatures. 943 01:12:30,071 --> 01:12:32,570 I hope you have a strong stomach, senor. 944 01:12:32,770 --> 01:12:34,170 Roll the ugliness. 945 01:13:13,459 --> 01:13:17,558 Good Lord. I've heard about this. Cat juggling. 946 01:13:37,352 --> 01:13:40,351 Stop it, stop it, stop it!. 947 01:13:41,451 --> 01:13:42,551 Good. 948 01:13:43,450 --> 01:13:47,649 Father, could there be a God that would let this happen? 949 01:13:49,049 --> 01:13:50,848 How much do you want? 950 01:13:51,148 --> 01:13:54,747 If your initial investment is $500,000... 951 01:13:54,947 --> 01:13:57,547 ...and your apartments are up in March... 952 01:13:57,746 --> 01:14:01,945 ...you should have "x" amount of dollars rolling in by the end of this year. 953 01:14:02,645 --> 01:14:05,244 "x" amount. That's very good, isn't it? 954 01:14:05,544 --> 01:14:08,743 You can depreciate the entire building for the full amount. 955 01:14:08,943 --> 01:14:11,643 Depreciate!. Very good. I like that. 956 01:14:11,843 --> 01:14:14,742 And we've found a way to get around this fair housing crap. 957 01:14:15,042 --> 01:14:17,741 Good!. Getting around the crap. That's good. 958 01:14:18,741 --> 01:14:22,140 By keeping the rents high, we'll appeal to a select class of people. 959 01:14:22,340 --> 01:14:24,139 Select class. Very good. 960 01:14:25,639 --> 01:14:27,438 We'll keep the eggplants out. 961 01:14:27,638 --> 01:14:30,037 Good. We don't want any vegetables. 962 01:14:30,237 --> 01:14:32,237 No. The jungle bunnies!. 963 01:14:32,637 --> 01:14:34,936 Of course. They'll eat the vegetables. 964 01:14:35,636 --> 01:14:37,835 Boss, could l talk to him? 965 01:14:38,435 --> 01:14:40,535 We're gonna keep out the niggers. 966 01:14:41,334 --> 01:14:42,234 The what? 967 01:14:42,434 --> 01:14:44,533 The niggers. We'll keep 'em out. 968 01:14:45,233 --> 01:14:46,433 -Yes. -Sir... 969 01:14:47,233 --> 01:14:49,632 ...you are talking to a nigger!. 970 01:15:37,019 --> 01:15:39,118 Don't be so hard on yourself. 971 01:15:39,318 --> 01:15:42,217 How could you know that was "lron Balls" McGinty? 972 01:15:43,117 --> 01:15:44,917 Escargot. Salad. 973 01:15:46,416 --> 01:15:49,315 Would Monsieur care for another bottle of the Ch�teau Latour. 974 01:15:49,515 --> 01:15:51,715 Yes, but no more 1966. 975 01:15:51,915 --> 01:15:54,814 Let's splurge. Bring us some fresh wine. 976 01:15:55,114 --> 01:15:56,513 The freshest you've got. 977 01:15:56,613 --> 01:15:59,013 This year's. No more of this old stuff. 978 01:16:00,412 --> 01:16:01,812 Oui, Monsieur. 979 01:16:02,312 --> 01:16:05,811 He doesn't realize he's dealing with sophisticated people here. 980 01:16:06,411 --> 01:16:08,010 Marie, just stay calm. 981 01:16:08,510 --> 01:16:09,710 Don't look down. 982 01:16:09,910 --> 01:16:13,609 Don't look down. Look up. Keep your eyes up and keep 'em that way. 983 01:16:13,909 --> 01:16:14,808 Waiter. 984 01:16:17,508 --> 01:16:19,907 There are snails on her plate. 985 01:16:22,606 --> 01:16:25,205 Now get them out of here before she sees them!. 986 01:16:25,505 --> 01:16:27,605 Look away!. Keep your eyes that way!. 987 01:16:28,405 --> 01:16:32,503 You'd think at a fancy restaurant like this you'd be able to keep the snails... 988 01:16:32,703 --> 01:16:34,503 ...off the food!. 989 01:16:34,603 --> 01:16:37,502 There are so many snails in there you can't see the food. 990 01:16:37,702 --> 01:16:41,301 Remove them!. Bring me the cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of. 991 01:16:41,601 --> 01:16:43,000 Oui, Monsieur. 992 01:16:44,300 --> 01:16:45,700 Can you believe this? 993 01:16:45,900 --> 01:16:49,599 First they didn't have umbrellas for the wine, now snails on the food. 994 01:16:49,799 --> 01:16:52,498 Two boobs. That's what he takes us for. 995 01:17:04,394 --> 01:17:06,494 -Hi, honey. -Hi, doll face. 996 01:17:06,694 --> 01:17:07,893 Everything okay? 997 01:17:08,093 --> 01:17:11,992 Remember how you told me to take unnecessary lessons? 998 01:17:12,292 --> 01:17:14,292 Well, l just took a lesson. 999 01:17:14,592 --> 01:17:16,991 And a very good student too. Adios, senora. 1000 01:17:17,991 --> 01:17:19,690 You took bullfighting? 1001 01:17:19,890 --> 01:17:21,890 No. Knife-throwing. 1002 01:17:23,289 --> 01:17:24,789 Knife-throwing's great!. 1003 01:17:24,989 --> 01:17:28,288 -I can almost do it. -Well, let me see your stuff!. 1004 01:17:28,488 --> 01:17:29,687 Okay. 1005 01:17:30,987 --> 01:17:33,186 This is very good for a beginner. 1006 01:17:35,586 --> 01:17:37,985 This is exciting. I love this!. 1007 01:17:38,785 --> 01:17:40,085 Come on!. 1008 01:17:41,584 --> 01:17:43,584 -Turn sideways... -Okay. 1009 01:17:43,883 --> 01:17:45,983 ...and put a balloon in your mouth. 1010 01:17:46,783 --> 01:17:48,382 Do you have a balloon? 1011 01:17:49,182 --> 01:17:51,881 No. Wait. Yes!. 1012 01:17:53,381 --> 01:17:54,281 Okay. 1013 01:17:55,480 --> 01:17:56,980 Is it in your mouth? 1014 01:17:57,180 --> 01:17:59,979 Throw 'em good and hard, so they'll stick. 1015 01:18:01,379 --> 01:18:02,578 Okay. 1016 01:18:05,977 --> 01:18:07,077 One... 1017 01:18:07,877 --> 01:18:09,176 ...two... 1018 01:18:10,376 --> 01:18:11,476 ...three!. 1019 01:18:12,475 --> 01:18:13,775 Four, five, six!. 1020 01:18:18,674 --> 01:18:20,073 I missed. 1021 01:18:20,473 --> 01:18:22,073 Honey, you did good. 1022 01:18:22,573 --> 01:18:24,872 I can't do anything right. 1023 01:18:25,872 --> 01:18:28,571 Honey, you worry too much. 1024 01:18:29,771 --> 01:18:33,370 Come on. Let's flop this over and look at it another way. 1025 01:18:33,670 --> 01:18:36,469 Do you realize that in the past two short months... 1026 01:18:36,669 --> 01:18:41,967 ...we have acquired the sophistication it takes some people a lifetime to acquire? 1027 01:18:42,467 --> 01:18:43,967 Come on!. 1028 01:18:44,367 --> 01:18:45,866 Let's toast!. 1029 01:19:43,550 --> 01:19:47,149 Everybody, Navin's on TV. Marie, it's Navin!. 1030 01:19:47,449 --> 01:19:50,248 Look, honey, here's that interview you did on TV. 1031 01:19:50,648 --> 01:19:52,248 Shut off the music!. 1032 01:19:53,547 --> 01:19:56,147 Everyone, we're going to watch Navin on the TV. 1033 01:19:56,347 --> 01:19:59,546 Sit down, sit down. On the floor. Sit around. 1034 01:20:00,245 --> 01:20:02,945 American Time news magazine turns its probing eye... 1035 01:20:03,145 --> 01:20:06,044 ...on Navin Johnson, the inventor ofthe Opti-Grab... 1036 01:20:06,444 --> 01:20:10,743 ...that little glasses handle that sold 10 million units in a few short months. 1037 01:20:11,742 --> 01:20:15,841 Mr. Johnson, you've become a millionaire overnight. Who are you? 1038 01:20:17,741 --> 01:20:19,740 Who is Navin Johnson? 1039 01:20:20,940 --> 01:20:24,139 Navin is a complex personality, as are most ofthe... 1040 01:20:24,439 --> 01:20:27,938 ...small breed of modern-day renaissance millionaires. 1041 01:20:28,638 --> 01:20:31,737 We hadplanned to show you the entire Johnson interview. 1042 01:20:32,137 --> 01:20:35,736 However, when we returned to our studio, our news department informed us... 1043 01:20:35,936 --> 01:20:39,135 ...ofa sensational development in the Johnson story. 1044 01:20:39,634 --> 01:20:42,034 It seems that an irate group of citizens... 1045 01:20:42,134 --> 01:20:44,833 ...led by the celebrity, Mr. Carl Reiner... 1046 01:20:45,033 --> 01:20:49,032 ...has fiiled a class action suit against Mr. Johnson and his Opti-Grab. 1047 01:20:49,632 --> 01:20:52,631 Here's what Mr. Reiner had to say at a press conference: 1048 01:20:52,831 --> 01:20:56,030 When Opti-Grab came out l thought it was the greatest thing ever. 1049 01:20:56,330 --> 01:20:59,729 And l bought a pair. And this is the result. 1050 01:21:01,428 --> 01:21:05,127 This little handle is like a magnet. Your eyes are drawn to it... 1051 01:21:05,527 --> 01:21:07,527 ...and you end up cockeyed. 1052 01:21:08,027 --> 01:21:11,126 Now, as a director, l am constantly using my eyes... 1053 01:21:11,426 --> 01:21:15,424 ...and this Opti-Grab device has caused irreparable harm to my career. 1054 01:21:15,724 --> 01:21:18,024 Let me show you a clip from my latest fiilm... 1055 01:21:18,224 --> 01:21:22,622 ...where my faulty depth perception kept me from yelling "cut" at the right time. 1056 01:21:26,221 --> 01:21:27,121 Cut! 1057 01:21:36,019 --> 01:21:40,418 Ifl had yelled "cut" on time, those actors would be alive today. 1058 01:21:41,317 --> 01:21:45,616 That's why l am spearheading the $10 million class action suit... 1059 01:21:45,916 --> 01:21:49,515 ...against Mr. Johnson, and his irresponsible selling ofa product... 1060 01:21:49,815 --> 01:21:52,314 ...he didn't even test on prisoners! 1061 01:21:53,414 --> 01:21:55,813 -Thank you. -Party's over!. 1062 01:21:59,112 --> 01:22:01,012 Wait a second. Where you going? 1063 01:22:02,311 --> 01:22:04,911 I'm gonna get in touch with that Reiner guy. 1064 01:22:06,310 --> 01:22:08,410 I got some change upstairs. 1065 01:22:08,610 --> 01:22:11,509 We'll get some potato chips and there's some beer up there. 1066 01:22:11,609 --> 01:22:13,708 We'll make it a less formal thing. 1067 01:22:15,408 --> 01:22:17,407 Let's find another party. 1068 01:22:20,506 --> 01:22:23,406 Honey!. Why the gloom? 1069 01:22:23,805 --> 01:22:25,905 This is not the end of the rainbow. 1070 01:22:27,404 --> 01:22:29,504 I'm Navin Johnson, inventor!. 1071 01:22:29,704 --> 01:22:32,603 This is no big deal. This is a parking ticket to me. 1072 01:22:33,203 --> 01:22:35,902 Only instead of $5, it's $10 million. 1073 01:22:37,402 --> 01:22:40,301 I don't care about losing all the money. 1074 01:22:40,801 --> 01:22:43,400 It's losing all the stuff. 1075 01:22:44,700 --> 01:22:46,799 We're not gonna lose the stuff. 1076 01:22:48,299 --> 01:22:49,998 This is America!. 1077 01:22:50,198 --> 01:22:53,997 We're going to receive a fair trial from an impartial jury!. 1078 01:22:55,597 --> 01:22:58,896 Your honor, we, the jury, find for the plaintiff. 1079 01:23:04,294 --> 01:23:06,893 I award to Mr. Reiner... 1080 01:23:07,693 --> 01:23:09,493 ...and the other 9 million... 1081 01:23:09,793 --> 01:23:12,392 ...987 thousand... 1082 01:23:12,592 --> 01:23:14,991 ...652 plaintiffs... 1083 01:23:15,691 --> 01:23:17,690 ...the full amount of the suit. 1084 01:23:19,790 --> 01:23:21,489 Court is adjourned. 1085 01:23:27,888 --> 01:23:30,687 -Navin. -Honey, can't you see l'm drinking? 1086 01:23:37,985 --> 01:23:40,184 Pay to the order of... 1087 01:23:41,384 --> 01:23:43,583 ...Mrs. Wilbur Stark... 1088 01:23:44,983 --> 01:23:47,382 ...one dollar and nine cents. 1089 01:24:04,077 --> 01:24:05,877 Pay to the order of... 1090 01:24:07,077 --> 01:24:09,776 ..."lron Balls" McGinty... 1091 01:24:11,375 --> 01:24:13,775 ...one dollar and nine cents. 1092 01:24:15,874 --> 01:24:19,073 Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress? 1093 01:24:19,273 --> 01:24:23,472 Because l just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were. 1094 01:24:23,972 --> 01:24:26,571 -What was it? -The Way We Were. 1095 01:24:27,371 --> 01:24:29,870 Look at us. We've hit bottom. 1096 01:24:30,070 --> 01:24:33,969 No!. Maybe you've hit bottom, but l haven't hit bottom yet!. 1097 01:24:34,569 --> 01:24:35,969 I got a ways to go!. 1098 01:24:37,368 --> 01:24:40,267 I'm gonna bounce back, and when l do... 1099 01:24:40,867 --> 01:24:44,066 ...l'm gonna buy you a diamond so big... 1100 01:24:44,366 --> 01:24:46,666 ...it's gonna make you puke!. 1101 01:24:47,365 --> 01:24:51,164 I don't want to puke!. I don't want wealth!. 1102 01:24:51,764 --> 01:24:54,863 I just want you like you used to be. 1103 01:24:55,163 --> 01:24:57,063 What happened to that man? 1104 01:24:57,363 --> 01:24:58,562 Me? 1105 01:24:59,262 --> 01:25:01,661 What happened to the girl l believed in? 1106 01:25:02,361 --> 01:25:04,261 The girl l fell in love with? 1107 01:25:04,461 --> 01:25:06,360 The girl that believed in me? 1108 01:25:08,060 --> 01:25:10,259 There's plenty of places l can go... 1109 01:25:10,659 --> 01:25:12,258 ...where people believe in me. 1110 01:25:12,358 --> 01:25:15,258 So go. The sooner you're out of my life... 1111 01:25:15,558 --> 01:25:19,556 ...the sooner l can go back to being the girl in this little flowered dress... 1112 01:25:19,656 --> 01:25:23,655 ...that you sang the "Thermos Song" to. 1113 01:25:24,355 --> 01:25:26,455 Well, l'm gonna go, then. 1114 01:25:27,154 --> 01:25:30,753 I don't need any of this!. I don't need this stuff!. 1115 01:25:31,053 --> 01:25:34,052 And l don't need you!. I don't need anything!. 1116 01:25:35,452 --> 01:25:36,852 Except this. 1117 01:25:37,351 --> 01:25:40,351 This ashtray. That's the only thing l need is this!. 1118 01:25:42,050 --> 01:25:43,750 I don't need this or this!. 1119 01:25:44,050 --> 01:25:45,549 Just this ashtray!. 1120 01:25:47,149 --> 01:25:48,948 And this paddle game. 1121 01:25:49,948 --> 01:25:52,947 The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all l need. 1122 01:25:53,447 --> 01:25:56,246 And this remote control. 1123 01:25:56,846 --> 01:26:00,645 The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control. That's all l need. 1124 01:26:02,944 --> 01:26:04,744 And these matches. 1125 01:26:05,944 --> 01:26:10,642 The ashtray, these matches the remote control and the paddle ball. 1126 01:26:13,042 --> 01:26:14,341 And this lamp. 1127 01:26:16,641 --> 01:26:17,840 The ashtray... 1128 01:26:19,140 --> 01:26:22,739 ...this paddle game, the remote control... 1129 01:26:24,138 --> 01:26:26,438 ...and the lamp, and that's all l need. 1130 01:26:29,337 --> 01:26:31,136 And that's all l need, too!. 1131 01:26:32,036 --> 01:26:34,336 I don't need one other thing!. 1132 01:26:34,835 --> 01:26:36,735 Not one. I need this. 1133 01:26:38,934 --> 01:26:41,034 The paddle game, the chair... 1134 01:26:41,534 --> 01:26:45,433 ...the remote control and the matches, for sure. 1135 01:26:47,432 --> 01:26:49,431 What are you looking at? 1136 01:26:50,531 --> 01:26:54,130 What do you think l am, some kind of a jerk or something? 1137 01:27:00,728 --> 01:27:01,728 And this. 1138 01:27:03,927 --> 01:27:05,427 That's all l need. 1139 01:27:06,427 --> 01:27:11,225 Except the ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game... 1140 01:27:11,525 --> 01:27:14,125 ...this magazine and the chair. 1141 01:27:20,623 --> 01:27:24,322 I don't need one other thing. Except my dog. 1142 01:27:27,521 --> 01:27:29,320 Well, l don't need my dog. 1143 01:28:37,801 --> 01:28:39,901 So, that's it. 1144 01:28:41,100 --> 01:28:44,999 It's an old story, one you've probably heard before. 1145 01:28:47,698 --> 01:28:50,098 But l never thought it would happen to me. 1146 01:29:04,094 --> 01:29:07,193 Any of you bums ever heard of Navin R. Johnson? 1147 01:29:09,892 --> 01:29:11,292 I've heard of him. 1148 01:29:11,592 --> 01:29:12,991 Born in Mississippi? 1149 01:29:15,191 --> 01:29:17,090 The inventor of the Opti-Grab? 1150 01:29:17,490 --> 01:29:19,789 I was just telling these guys!. 1151 01:29:21,689 --> 01:29:22,989 Son!. 1152 01:29:24,488 --> 01:29:25,688 Daddy!. 1153 01:29:27,387 --> 01:29:28,287 Navin. 1154 01:29:28,687 --> 01:29:30,187 -Mama!. -My baby!. 1155 01:29:32,386 --> 01:29:34,585 I knew we'd find you!. 1156 01:29:36,385 --> 01:29:38,184 -Taj!. -Don't kiss me!. 1157 01:29:44,083 --> 01:29:46,082 I called them the night you left. 1158 01:29:46,882 --> 01:29:48,282 How'd you find me? 1159 01:29:48,481 --> 01:29:50,781 I don't know. This is the first place we looked. 1160 01:29:50,981 --> 01:29:53,380 We're taking you home and you're living with us. 1161 01:29:53,580 --> 01:29:55,879 Turns out dad's a financial genius. 1162 01:29:56,079 --> 01:29:59,079 All l did was take the money you sent home... 1163 01:29:59,278 --> 01:30:03,477 ...and embarked on a periodic investment in a no-load mutual fund. 1164 01:30:03,777 --> 01:30:07,476 He leveraged his ass deep into soy beans and cocoa futures. 1165 01:30:08,076 --> 01:30:09,276 Right on. 1166 01:30:10,475 --> 01:30:12,875 I picked out this thermos for you. 1167 01:30:17,573 --> 01:30:20,872 -I'd kiss you, but l'm so dirty. -Dirt doesn't bother me. 1168 01:30:22,572 --> 01:30:25,171 But the smell does. 1169 01:30:27,471 --> 01:30:31,170 Son, you'd better get in the back with the dog... 1170 01:30:31,470 --> 01:30:34,369 ...until we can get you hosed down. 1171 01:30:43,166 --> 01:30:46,865 -I love you, Navin!. -I love you, too!. 1172 01:30:48,365 --> 01:30:49,964 Somebody open a window!. 1173 01:30:50,264 --> 01:30:52,164 Open all the windows. 1174 01:30:54,663 --> 01:30:56,662 I was so glad to be going home. 1175 01:30:56,962 --> 01:30:59,362 I remembered the days when l sang and danced... 1176 01:30:59,562 --> 01:31:02,061 ...with my family on the porch ofthe old house. 1177 01:31:02,261 --> 01:31:05,960 But things change, and with all the additions to the family... 1178 01:31:06,360 --> 01:31:09,759 ...we had to tear down the old house, even though we loved it. 1179 01:31:10,059 --> 01:31:11,858 But we built us a bigger one. 1180 01:31:12,758 --> 01:31:14,957 -"Lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 1181 01:31:15,057 --> 01:31:16,957 -"Lordy -"Pick a bale a day 1182 01:31:17,157 --> 01:31:19,756 -"Gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton 1183 01:31:19,956 --> 01:31:22,655 -"Gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale a day 1184 01:31:36,251 --> 01:31:38,751 -"Me and my buddy -"Gonna pick a bale of cotton 1185 01:31:39,051 --> 01:31:41,650 -"Well, me and my buddy -"Gonna pick a bale a day 1186 01:31:46,349 --> 01:31:48,548 -"Lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 1187 01:31:48,748 --> 01:31:51,147 -"Lordy -"Pick a bale a day 1188 01:31:55,446 --> 01:31:57,945 -"Gonna get on your knees -"And pick a bale of cotton 1189 01:31:58,145 --> 01:32:00,345 -"Gonna get on your knees -"And pick a bale a day 1190 01:32:00,445 --> 01:32:02,944 -"Gonna move all around -"And pick a bale of cotton 1191 01:32:03,144 --> 01:32:05,043 -"Gonna move all around -"Pick a bale a day 1192 01:32:05,243 --> 01:32:07,743 -"Want a barebacked man to -"Pick a bale of cotton 1193 01:32:07,943 --> 01:32:09,742 -"Want a barebacked man to -"Pick a bale a day 1194 01:32:09,942 --> 01:32:12,341 -"Jump down turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton 1195 01:32:12,541 --> 01:32:14,741 -"Jump down turn around -"Pick a bale a day 1196 01:32:20,939 --> 01:32:22,439 -"Lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton 1197 01:32:22,539 --> 01:32:24,738 -"Lordy -"Pick a bale a day 1198 01:32:39,034 --> 01:32:41,933 -"You're gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton 1199 01:32:42,233 --> 01:32:44,932 -"You're gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale a day 1200 01:32:48,531 --> 01:32:50,831 "Lordy pick a bale of cotton 1201 01:32:50,931 --> 01:32:53,230 "Lordy pick a bale a day 1202 01:32:53,430 --> 01:32:55,829 -"Well, me and my wife -"Gonna pick a bale of cotton 1203 01:32:56,029 --> 01:32:58,329 -"Well, me and my wife -"Gonna pick a bale a day 1204 01:33:12,725 --> 01:33:14,924 -"Take it!. -"Pick a bale of cotton 1205 01:33:15,224 --> 01:33:17,523 "Pick a bale a day"