1
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,388
(ALL CHEERING)

2
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,646
(THUDDING)

3
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,190
(CHANTING IN SPANISH)

4
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,276
(BULLS SNUFFLING)

5
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,196
(CHANTING IN SPANISH)

6
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:23,958
(SCREAMING)

7
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:30,882
- Whose idea was this, anyway?
- They're gaining on us.

8
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,967
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

9
00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:41,976
Yeah! Yeah!

10
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,936
(YELPING)

11
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,233
ALL: Whoa!

12
00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,409
He's after me!

13
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:04,874
Phil!

14
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,544
- Whoa!
- BOTH: Whoa!

15
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,215
Oh, shit.

16
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,931
Jesus!

17
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,316
(LAUGHING)

18
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:32,944
Ed!

19
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,779
Go, Mitch!

20
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,372
Bad bull! Bad bull! Bad bull!

21
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,460
Stop following me!

22
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,050
Please!

23
00:02:58,178 --> 00:05:39,338
(SCREAMING)

24
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,464
Oops.

25
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,591
Does he know what he's doing?
Does he have any idea what he's doing?

26
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,094
Because, you know, I can't talk to him.

27
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,555
Relax. He's doing a beautiful job.

28
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:51,225
Sir. El doctor. Hello!

29
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,479
Don't sew up anything
that's supposed to remain open, okay?

30
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:56,731
Okay.

31
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,652
What, are you taking pictures, Phil?

32
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:05,072
Are you kidding?
This is a Kodak moment. Now, smile.

33
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,200
Oh, good. Blind him with the flash.

34
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,580
Phil, let the man keep
what's left of his dignity, please.

35
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,624
- Dignity. This is all your fault, Ed.
- My fault?

36
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,209
Yeah, 'cause you're a macho lunatic.

37
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,211
- Phil and I are sheep.
- We're not sheep.

38
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,089
We are sheep.
We do every stupid thing he asks.

39
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,674
I didn't make you run.

40
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,885
No, it was a 2,000 pound
rampaging animal

41
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,928
spraying bull snot all over Spain.

42
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,598
That's what made me run.
You made me stand in front of it.

43
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,600
Come on, guys. Group shot.

44
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:33,726
(TIMER BEEPING)

45
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,353
I got a big "I told you so"
coming from Barbara on this.

46
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:37,938
Maybe she won't notice.

47
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,485
(MITCH SIGHS)

48
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,654
Honey, want a pillow?
It's a long flight.

49
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,281
No, thanks.

50
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,952
Come on, it's not that bad.
I look like your mother.

51
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,288
(ED AND KIM LAUGHING)

52
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,832
Here comes Mr. Bull.

53
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,627
Kim, baby, do you want
the aisle seat or the window seat?

54
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,462
'Cause whichever one you want
makes me happy.

55
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:02,630
I don't care.

56
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:04,465
Good, then take the window.
I wanna talk to Mitch.

57
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:05,758
Okay.

58
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,594
- Be right back.
- Miss me.

59
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,679
Admit it, pal, you had fun.

60
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:15,267
No. Scuba diving is fun.
I mean, it's normal. People do that.

61
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,146
Baseball fantasy camp, until Phil
threw up on Willie Mays, was fabulous.

62
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:22,608
- I was nervous. He was my idol.
- I'll never forget Willie's face.

63
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,401
"Say hey! That's lunch on me!"

64
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,237
(BOTH LAUGHING)

65
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:30,241
- Phil. I'm standing.
- Yes, dear.

66
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,743
ARLENE: I can't wait to get out
of this country. These people.

67
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,662
You know, maybe it's just me,

68
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:39,458
but I think our little adventures lately
are becoming stupid, you know?

69
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,544
What did you call them?

70
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,462
Desperate attempt
to cling to your youth?

71
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,588
Yeah, that.

72
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,632
- That's bullshit.
- Bullshit?

73
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,844
Ed, have you noticed the older you get,
the younger your girlfriends get?

74
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,221
Soon, you'll be dating sperm.

75
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,098
- I'm back.
- Okay.

76
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,600
I have just one more thing to say.

77
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,603
- Target parachute jumping.
- Ed!

78
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:03,524
Now, it's a smaller parachute,
but you're traveling twice as fast.

79
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:07,111
Great! So when they find your body,
they can bury it in a Sucrets box.

80
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,697
- Phil said he'd go.
- Phil wants to die.

81
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,992
I mean, if you were married to that,
you'd wanna die, too.

82
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,660
Look at him.
He's pretending to be asleep

83
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,078
so he doesn't have to talk to her.

84
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,289
It's a couple of little jumps
from a plane.

85
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,623
And then what?

86
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:23,127
We go on safari, only the animals
have guns and they hunt us?

87
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:26,213
- Forget about it.
- It's never enough for you, Ed.

88
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:29,258
- I'm reading.
- When's it ever gonna be enough?

89
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,268
(PHONE RINGING)

90
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,691
MITCH: Hi, Mom.

91
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,568
(MOTHER LAUGHING ON PHONE)

92
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:52,489
It's September 8, 1952.

93
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,118
We're driving back from
your Aunt Marsha. My water breaks.

94
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,246
Your fatherjumps the divider
of the Saw Mill River Parkway

95
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,416
and races me to Doctors' Hospital...

96
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,793
(LAUGHING)

97
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:08,589
...and at 5:16, out you came.

98
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,007
Oh...

99
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,885
Happy birthday, darling.

100
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,765
- Here's your father.
- Hello, boy. Happy birthday.

101
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:21,352
- Hi, Dad, how are you?
- I'm losing feeling in my left leg.

102
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,521
- Here's your mother.
- Don't worry. He's fine.

103
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:28,108
So, what are you gonna do now,
birthday boy?

104
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,694
Well, I thought I'd lie here another
three and a half hours

105
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:33,405
- and then go to work.
- Is Barbara with you?

106
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,657
No, she's working the streets

107
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,242
and she likes to have breakfast
with her pimp.

108
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,785
She should be in around 7:30.

109
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:41,372
- Hi, Mom.
- Give my boy a kiss.

110
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:47,795
I can't believe my baby's 39 years old.

111
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,464
(CRYING)

112
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,590
Bye, Mom.

113
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:56,262
Oh, bye. Angel, birthday boy.

114
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,557
Happy birthday.

115
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,822
Well, at least she said my age in years.
Usually, she uses months,

116
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,907
like I'm still an infant. "How's Mitch?"

117
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,201
"Oh, good. He's 468 months today."

118
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,996
Wow.

119
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:26,250
I look a year older.
Do I look a year older to you?

120
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:30,671
Honey, at 5:15,
everybody looks a year older.

121
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,965
Do you know what I found yesterday?

122
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,551
- Hair in my ear.
- Mitch.

123
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:36,844
I'm losing hair where I want hair

124
00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:39,346
and I'm getting hair
where there shouldn't be hair.

125
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,183
I found four big fat ones on my back.
I'm starting to look like The Fly.

126
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:47,146
That's it,
I'm canceling your birthday party.

127
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,482
- Why?
- 'Cause your birthdays depress you.

128
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,526
- No, they don't.
- Oh, Mitch.

129
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:55,279
On your 30th birthday,
you said you couldn't see.

130
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:58,824
And then on your 34th birthday,
you forgot my name for an hour.

131
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,202
Then last year,
when I asked you what you wanted,

132
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,371
you said a CAT scan.

133
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:08,375
- I had a headache.
- This year, let's just let it pass.

134
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,337
- I wanna see my friends.
- All right.

135
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,174
But I don't want people coming over
here thinking they're in a Bergman film.

136
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,594
You've met my husband, Mr. Death?

137
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,721
- I'll be good.
- Yeah?

138
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:24,350
'Cause I don't need you
any worse than you've been.

139
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,562
- Wait a second. What does that mean?
- Nothing.

140
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:32,107
Nothing. Great.

141
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,026
(SIGHS)

142
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:41,450
(EXCLAIMS)

143
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,999
Got a minute?

144
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:36,088
Hi. I only have a few minutes. I have
career day at Danny's school. So, I...

145
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,841
Yeah, it'll... It'll just take a second.

146
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:42,928
What is it?

147
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,138
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

148
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,305
MAN ON TAPE: (SINGING)
♪ Pizza Guys, Pizza Guys

149
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,682
♪ Come on down to Pizza Guys

150
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,642
♪ Be a happy, healthy fellow

151
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,352
♪ Have some sauce and mozzarella

152
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,354
♪ At Pizza Guys... ♪

153
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,815
- So?
- So.

154
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,444
So, it's stupid. It's annoying.

155
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,489
- It makes people change the station.
- I didn't write it.

156
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:06,201
But you bought it. You put it on the air
three times a night during drive time.

157
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,495
People are having accidents.

158
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:21,758
You used to go out and get advertising.
You hustled. You were creative.

159
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,178
Something bad came in, you fixed it.

160
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,430
You rewrote it. You worked with it.

161
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:31,226
My God, we used to make fun of guys
who bought crap like this.

162
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,188
What's going on with you?

163
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,026
Did you ever reach a point in your life
where you say to yourself,

164
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:43,238
"This is the best I'm ever gonna look,
the best I'm ever gonna feel,

165
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:46,700
"the best I'm ever gonna do,
and it ain't that great"?

166
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,079
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

167
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,834
Now look, I'm the station manager.

168
00:13:56,002 --> 00:14:01,006
I'm responsible for the quality of work
here at the station.

169
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,382
So, till further notice,

170
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,052
I have to insist on personally
approving all the new spots.

171
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:08,222
What? I can't make a deal
without checking with you first?

172
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,557
Just till you get back on track.

173
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,896
So we're doing this job on 60th and 3rd,

174
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,565
big frigging ballbreaker
of a job, right?

175
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,108
And we got the area roped off, you know,

176
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,735
so that some schmuck
don't walk through there

177
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,695
and take a wrecking ball
between the eyes.

178
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,405
(KIDS LAUGHING)

179
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,782
All of a sudden,

180
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:30,619
this woman, you know, with the big,
dark glasses, the Bloomingdale's bags,

181
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,747
she starts walking right through
the ropes. I yelled down at her,

182
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,251
"Hey, you can't go there,
you stupid bitch!"

183
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,671
And suddenly,
this big steam fitting bursts

184
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:45,634
and this enormous goddamn crane
crashes right down on her legs,

185
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:49,263
and she's screaming, "My legs! My legs!"

186
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,223
And I say, "No shit, your legs.

187
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,518
"You got a 2,000 pound
goddamn crane on them."

188
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:59,106
Now, do you know how, in an
emergency, you could get, like,

189
00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,108
superhuman strength?

190
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:04,278
I reach down and I lift this crane,

191
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,030
and Ernesto's able to slide her out
from under,

192
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,950
and the doctors
were able to save her legs!

193
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:14,162
So the moral is don't walk
where you're not supposed to walk

194
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,623
because there may not be somebody
with superhuman strength

195
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:17,958
to save your little ass.

196
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,418
(KIDS LAUGHING)

197
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,795
And don't do drugs.

198
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,256
That's it.

199
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,675
(KIDS CHEERING)

200
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:34,558
Thank you, Mr. Morelli.
That was very descriptive.

201
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:40,731
Daniel, would you introduce your father,
please, and tell us what he does?

202
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:48,655
My dad's named Mitch and he's...
He's a submarine commander.

203
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:49,781
(KIDS EXCLAIM)

204
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,325
Danny!

205
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,993
BOY: Submarine commander?

206
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,121
He works for WBLM radio.

207
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,456
(BOY GROANS)

208
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:13,805
Well, like Danny said,
I work for WBLM radio.

209
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,392
- Are you a disc jockey?
- No, I'm not a disc jockey.

210
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,480
You know the commercials
that are on the radio?

211
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,232
Oh! Do you make all those commercials?

212
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,861
No. Other people make the commercials.

213
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:32,324
I sell them time on our station
for the commercials to be on.

214
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,911
So you decide which commercials
to use and when?

215
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,204
That's right.

216
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,207
Well, no, it's not right.
It used to be right.

217
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:43,293
Seems now that I even have to check
with the station manager

218
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:44,878
if I wanna wipe my nose.

219
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:46,171
(KIDS CHUCKLE)

220
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:52,010
The minute he took away my authority,
I should have quit.

221
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,520
Mr. Robbins?

222
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,897
What?

223
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,486
Value this time in your life, kids.

224
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,739
'Cause this is the time in your life
when you still have your choices.

225
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,908
It goes by so fast.

226
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:18,829
When you're a teenager, you think
you can do anything, and you do.

227
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,080
Your twenties are a blur.

228
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,417
Thirties, you raise your family,
you make a little money

229
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,628
and you think to yourself,
"What happened to my twenties?"

230
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:30,716
Forties, you grow a little pot belly,
you grow another chin.

231
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,634
The music starts to get too loud.

232
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:35,762
One of your old girlfriends from
high school becomes a grandmother.

233
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,848
Fifties, you have a minor surgery.

234
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:41,476
You'll call it a procedure,
but it's a surgery.

235
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,103
Sixties, you'll have a major surgery.

236
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,354
The music is still loud,

237
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,940
but it doesn't matter
because you can't hear it anyway.

238
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:51,278
Seventies, you and the wife
retire to Fort Lauderdale.

239
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,780
You start eating dinner
at 2:00 in the afternoon,

240
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:56,616
you have lunch around 10:00,
breakfast the night before.

241
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,577
You spend most of your time
wandering around malls

242
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,455
looking for the ultimate soft yogurt
and muttering,

243
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,166
"How come the kids don't call?
How come the kids don't call?"

244
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,002
The eighties,
you'll have a major stroke.

245
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,629
You end up babbling to some Jamaican
nurse who your wife can't stand

246
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,757
but who you call "Momma."

247
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,675
Any questions?

248
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:19,181
Danny was embarrassed to tell the class
what my job is.

249
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,557
They're nine!

250
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:24,936
They get excited about the guy
who gives them change at the arcade.

251
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:29,816
You just happen to have one
of those jobs that's difficult to...

252
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:33,653
Believe that a grown man does
without losing his mind.

253
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:38,325
I mean, what is my job? I mean,
I sell advertising time on the radio.

254
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:40,660
So, basically, I sell air.

255
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,037
At least my father was an upholsterer.

256
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:45,248
He made a sofa, a couch you could
sit on. It was something tangible.

257
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:49,628
What can I point to? Where's my work?
It's air. I sell air.

258
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,173
What, so what are you saying?
You wanna quit?

259
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:56,843
- How can I quit? I'm trapped.
- You're trapped?

260
00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,136
Yeah.

261
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,972
The other day, you said you wanna
send Holly to a performing arts school.

262
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,349
She's got talent.

263
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:05,185
Talent? She was in one play
and she fell off the stage.

264
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,522
That's not talent, that's gravity.
And that school costs money.

265
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:09,898
- Bye!
- MITCH: Everything costs money.

266
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,525
BARBARA: Bye.

267
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,860
- Where are you going?
- I'm sleeping at Gwen's down the hall.

268
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,196
Again? Are you paying rent there?

269
00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:20,200
- (SCOFFS) Dad.
- We're having a birthday party.

270
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,035
I don't wanna sit around all night
with your friends.

271
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,997
I told her it'd be all right.
We'll have a family party tomorrow.

272
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:29,459
Bye, sweetie.

273
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,254
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.

274
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,714
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

275
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,888
Let me show you
how I pop my shoulder.

276
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,014
(POPPING)

277
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,140
(ADULTS GROAN)

278
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,017
Danny. Dan. Come on. Come on.

279
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,436
He's in the gifted program at school.

280
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,480
Come on, go to sleep, huh?

281
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,190
Kim, you poor thing.

282
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,652
What has married life done to you?
I mean, you look like hell!

283
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,320
Six months. Admit it.

284
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:59,114
You didn't think
Ed would ever get married.

285
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:00,699
Well, he met the right woman.

286
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,200
And how often
are you meeting that woman?

287
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,412
You're lucky it's your birthday, pal.

288
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,790
Excuse me,
I see one of the guests is stealing.

289
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:14,170
Your husband is so cute.
You must laugh all day.

290
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,590
Yeah. My sides hurt.

291
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,634
We saw a picture of you in a newspaper
in your underwear.

292
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:23,930
Well, that was an advertisement.
I sometimes model ladies' underwear.

293
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,599
You looked great.

294
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:29,352
Mom, you said, "Let's see how she looks
after having two kids."

295
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:36,860
Daniel, time to go to bed.
We'll wake you for your wedding.

296
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,782
Phil. Hello.

297
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,453
You're pretending to sleep
at my birthday party.

298
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,079
Is she around?

299
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:51,875
She's in the kitchen.

300
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:56,630
This is quite a life
you've carved out for yourself, Phil.

301
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,298
ARLENE: Phil!

302
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,216
Phil! We're leaving.

303
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:04,220
We haven't had cake.
He hasn't even opened his presents yet.

304
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:08,725
Phil, you have to open the store
at 4:30. Daddy's counting on you.

305
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,352
Fifteen more minutes?

306
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:16,983
Starting now.

307
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:18,777
(BEEPS)

308
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:27,243
4:30 in the morning?

309
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:28,745
Hey, you know,
you manage a supermarket,

310
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:29,996
that's when the food arrives.

311
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,582
Don't you have an assistant
or a kid or something?

312
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,543
Arlene's father likes me to do it.

313
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:39,506
"No free rides, Philly boy!
No free rides."

314
00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:42,425
But I'm telling you,
they got me by the balls.

315
00:21:42,593 --> 00:21:45,178
She's got one, he's got the other.

316
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:51,059
- Do you ever think about quitting?
- Yeah, sure. Right.

317
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:55,522
That's just what I wanna do. Start over
with two kids to take care of.

318
00:21:56,023 --> 00:22:00,360
No. At this age, where you are, you are.

319
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,321
Hey, look who's awake.

320
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,533
Look, I have got 14 minutes, okay?
So can we give him the present?

321
00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:07,701
Yeah.

322
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:09,536
What'd you get me?

323
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:15,291
Two weeks. The three of us.
New Mexico. Driving cattle.

324
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,586
- What? Like in a truck?
- No, no! Cowboys.

325
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:21,047
It's a real old-fashioned cattle drive.

326
00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:23,675
We drive the herd
from New Mexico to Colorado.

327
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:24,884
You can do this?

328
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,595
We ride, we rope,
we sleep out under the stars.

329
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:31,141
- Show him the brochure.
- It's fantastic, Mitch.

330
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:34,811
PHIL: It's the newest thing.
People do this! It's great!

331
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:36,896
Wow! Look at this.

332
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,357
- Real horses!
- Does look good.

333
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:40,900
Good? It's great.

334
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:42,777
Cowboys,
that's what you always wanted to be.

335
00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:46,406
- Remember Mitchy the Kid?
- Right! Mitchy the Kid!

336
00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,408
And it's right when your vacation comes.

337
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,952
We've been planning it for weeks.

338
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,246
I can't do it.

339
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:56,332
Why?

340
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,418
We're going to Florida
to visit Barbara's parents.

341
00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:03,757
- What, are you sick?
- No, it's planned already. I promised.

342
00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:08,094
I worked every weekend for a year
to get this. What's with you these days?

343
00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,597
Nothing. You know, nothing.

344
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:15,602
It's just, I... You know,
I don't wanna disappoint Barbara.

345
00:23:15,770 --> 00:23:16,728
(DOORBELL RINGS)

346
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:20,774
Who is that? I know nine people
and they're all here. Excuse me.

347
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,739
- Hi.
- Is Mr. Phil Berquist here?

348
00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:30,617
BARBARA: Can I get you something to...

349
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:33,703
Mr. Berquist, your housekeeper told me
where you were. I'm in trouble.

350
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:36,623
What are you doing here, Nancy?
Who's on register nine?

351
00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:38,458
- I don't know what to do.
- Rumaki?

352
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,668
I don't think this is the time
or the place to talk about this.

353
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,629
- I'm late.
- What?

354
00:23:42,797 --> 00:23:44,672
- I missed my period!
- Whoops!

355
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,217
- What?
- I was at work and on my break,

356
00:23:47,384 --> 00:23:50,095
and I took one of those
home pregnancy tests from aisle 11.

357
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,222
- The ones on special?
- Yes!

358
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,641
And it came up blue.

359
00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:57,352
Why is she telling you this, Phil?

360
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:02,023
(STAMMERING) Because I'm...
I'm her boss

361
00:24:02,191 --> 00:24:03,983
and we have a health plan.

362
00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:07,987
Son of a bitch! You screwed
this little girl in my father's store?

363
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:11,199
- No, no, no!
- It was in his car!

364
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:12,450
Oh, Jesus!

365
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:15,161
And I'm not a little girl. I'm 20.

366
00:24:15,329 --> 00:24:18,164
Get out of this house, you little whore.

367
00:24:18,332 --> 00:24:21,835
Hey! I will not permit you
to talk to her that way.

368
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:27,006
Fine.

369
00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:33,138
- I'll tell my father what you did.
- No! Do not call Mr. Levine!

370
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:35,974
- Hey! Put down that phone. Put it down.
- No! No!

371
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:37,559
Get... Get off...

372
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,185
- That's my phone!
- You're crazy!

373
00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:43,022
That's right. Not having sex
for 12 years will do that to a person!

374
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:45,692
Now, come on, you two, stop it.
Come on, not in front of your friends.

375
00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,110
Come on.

376
00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:49,237
I'm not afraid of you!

377
00:24:49,780 --> 00:24:51,030
(SCREAMS)

378
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:52,657
I'll call from the bedroom!

379
00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:55,451
The bedroom? How the hell
would you know where the bedroom is?

380
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,745
- I'm calling!
- Go ahead, call him!

381
00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:01,207
I'm sure he's home! It's his night
to meet with the other escaped Nazis.

382
00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:04,669
- ARLENE: I hate you!
- I hate you more!

383
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:09,048
If hate were people, I'd be China.

384
00:25:15,681 --> 00:25:17,891
Let's bring out the cake.

385
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,690
Good party.

386
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:29,110
Mitch?

387
00:25:29,904 --> 00:25:33,948
Is that what you've been trying
to tell me? That you feel like Phil?

388
00:25:35,284 --> 00:25:36,284
Like Phil?

389
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:37,952
Yeah, am I gonna be sitting here
some night

390
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,497
and some checkout girl
comes here looking for you?

391
00:25:41,665 --> 00:25:43,750
No, no, of course not.

392
00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:45,835
I know you're not happy here.

393
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:50,965
You're not happy at work.
I know how men think.

394
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:55,261
"I'm not happy here. I'm not
happy there. I'll be happy here."

395
00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:58,723
No. You make me happy here.

396
00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:00,475
No.

397
00:26:01,352 --> 00:26:05,188
- No, I make you feel trapped.
- No, you don't. It's not you.

398
00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:08,566
How do you think that makes me feel
when I hear you say that?

399
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:12,237
I didn't mean you. It's me.

400
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:17,867
I... I just feel lost.

401
00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:26,793
Kim was telling me
about this cattle drive thing.

402
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,044
Oh.

403
00:26:28,712 --> 00:26:32,674
- Maybe you should go.
- What about Florida?

404
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:35,969
You'll be miserable in Florida.
You'll make me miserable.

405
00:26:36,136 --> 00:26:38,346
- You hate my parents.
- No, I don't hate your parents.

406
00:26:38,514 --> 00:26:41,683
Oh, come on, Mitch, you have known
my father since you were 18 years old

407
00:26:41,850 --> 00:26:44,477
and you've never
called him by his name.

408
00:26:44,645 --> 00:26:46,312
What is his name?

409
00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:49,649
It's a joke. I was just joking.

410
00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:52,568
Look, I said I'm gonna go
and I'm gonna go.

411
00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:54,779
You don't understand what I'm saying.

412
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:58,449
I'm not saying it's all right
if you don't wanna come with us.

413
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,537
I'm saying I don't want you to come.

414
00:27:07,418 --> 00:27:11,963
Go away with Ed. Take Phil.

415
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:16,676
I am giving you these two weeks.
It's my present.

416
00:27:18,304 --> 00:27:20,680
Go and find your smile.

417
00:27:23,517 --> 00:27:24,892
What if I can't?

418
00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:31,024
We'll jump off that bridge
when we come to it.

419
00:27:56,884 --> 00:27:58,843
(MEN WHOOPING)

420
00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:18,029
My ass hurts just watching this.

421
00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:20,656
Are you kidding? This is fantastic!

422
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:26,954
- I wonder if I could do that to Arlene.
- Phil, forget about it already.

423
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:29,832
I could do it. You've seen her ears.

424
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:34,629
- They must be the other guests.
- I wish you hadn't worn this jacket.

425
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:36,506
- Why not?
- Why, look at it,

426
00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:37,673
it's got your name
and your picture on it.

427
00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:40,426
- It's a little grotesque.
- I'm proud of what I do.

428
00:28:40,594 --> 00:28:42,804
So is the president.
He doesn't put his picture on his suit.

429
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:44,597
Hi. You guys guests here?

430
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,933
Yeah. We just got here a minute ago.
I'm Mitch Robbins.

431
00:28:47,101 --> 00:28:49,936
- Ed Furillo. I sell sporting goods.
- Show him yourjacket.

432
00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:51,896
Yeah, I'm Phil Berquist.

433
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,400
I committed adultery.
Lost my job and my family.

434
00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:59,570
- His jacket's being made.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

435
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:02,657
I'm Ben Jessup
and this is my son, Steve Jessup.

436
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:05,451
- Where you from?
- Baltimore.

437
00:29:05,619 --> 00:29:08,413
- We have a dental practice there.
- Really? You're both dentists?

438
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:13,334
Yes. We're black and we're dentists.
Let's not make an issue out of it.

439
00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:16,003
They're not making an issue.
You're making an issue.

440
00:29:16,171 --> 00:29:18,047
- Hi.
- Hello.

441
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:22,468
- Isn't this great?
- We're Ira and Barry Shalowitz.

442
00:29:22,636 --> 00:29:24,220
Ira and Barry,
that's like the ice cream.

443
00:29:24,388 --> 00:29:26,180
No, that's us.

444
00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:30,226
- We make Ira and Barry's ice cream.
- Really, I love that ice cream.

445
00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:33,855
But on the commercials, it's a
different Ira and Barry. It's two...

446
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,732
- Good-looking guys.
- Models.

447
00:29:37,151 --> 00:29:38,651
If it was us, could you eat?

448
00:29:38,819 --> 00:29:40,069
(LAUGHING)

449
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:42,989
Who is that?

450
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:49,912
Hi. I'm Bonnie Rayburn.

451
00:29:52,332 --> 00:29:54,292
Actually, I was supposed
to meet somebody here,

452
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:57,670
but I got the message at the airport
that she's not coming and

453
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,464
I'm feeling really out of place.

454
00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:00,798
I'm thinking of leaving.

455
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,758
- ALL: No, you should stay.
- No, stay.

456
00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:04,677
- Right, right, right.
- Stay definitely.

457
00:30:04,845 --> 00:30:07,555
You know, when I was alive,
I would have found her attractive.

458
00:30:07,723 --> 00:30:09,432
(GUN FIRES)

459
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,268
Howdy.

460
00:30:12,436 --> 00:30:15,646
I'm Clay Stone
and this is my wife, Millie.

461
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,023
- How do?
- Howdy.

462
00:30:17,191 --> 00:30:18,774
Welcome to the Stone ranch.

463
00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:21,486
Believe it or not,
that work you saw a while ago,

464
00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,738
y'all are gonna be doing that
the next two weeks.

465
00:30:23,906 --> 00:30:25,615
Yahoo!

466
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:29,660
- That's a good "yahoo," son.
- ED: Thank you.

467
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:33,372
Now, this ranch has been in my family
for five generations,

468
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:36,334
and we've always tried to live out here
by the code of the Old West.

469
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:38,711
If you came out here
thinking this is a dude ranch,

470
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:39,879
I hate to disappoint you.

471
00:30:40,047 --> 00:30:44,133
This is not pretend.
This is a real working ranch.

472
00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:47,470
We've gotta move these animals
from here to our ranch in Colorado.

473
00:30:47,638 --> 00:30:48,596
This is gonna be great.

474
00:30:48,764 --> 00:30:51,724
CLAY: You may feel like a bunch of pigs
on roller skates for a while,

475
00:30:51,892 --> 00:30:53,601
but we're gonna be watching you.

476
00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:56,062
We're gonna see how you sit a horse.

477
00:30:56,230 --> 00:31:00,650
And in a few days, you'll be rounding up
a herd and going after strays.

478
00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:04,904
And you're gonna be in some country
that's just as pretty as heaven.

479
00:31:05,072 --> 00:31:06,614
Now here's some of the folks
you'll be working with.

480
00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:09,742
This is T.R. And Jeff.
They're both professional cowboys.

481
00:31:09,910 --> 00:31:12,328
And our trail boss will be in
in a couple of days.

482
00:31:12,496 --> 00:31:14,747
And this is
the best doggone Western chef going.

483
00:31:14,915 --> 00:31:18,334
Cookie! Tell them
what they're gonna eat.

484
00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:22,046
You ain't gonna be getting
no nouveau, almondine, thin crust,

485
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:25,091
bottled water, sautéed city food.

486
00:31:25,259 --> 00:31:28,511
Food's brown, hot, and plenty of it.

487
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,263
It's not that bad!

488
00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:35,101
Now, listen, we're gonna go to work
in the morning. And I mean work.

489
00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:38,896
You came out here city slickers.
You're gonna go home cowboys.

490
00:31:45,988 --> 00:31:46,946
What do you think?

491
00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:49,282
I think you look
like one of the Village People.

492
00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:19,353
I'll take that shirt, too.

493
00:32:21,982 --> 00:32:22,982
(GRUNTS)

494
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:27,820
Excuse me. Here, boy. Here, boy!

495
00:32:29,573 --> 00:32:30,573
(GRUNTS)

496
00:33:02,147 --> 00:33:04,815
MITCH: You did it again.
Boy, you're getting great, Ed.

497
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:07,526
See? There's nothing to it.

498
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:09,612
Okay, your turn.

499
00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:13,532
You'll do it this time.
It's wrist, wrist, wrist, go.

500
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:16,369
- Okay.
- That's it. Wrist, wrist, wrist, go.

501
00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:19,538
- Will you stop kidding around?
- I'm not kidding around.

502
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,374
I can't get this.
I'm not good with ropes.

503
00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:23,668
I can't even take the string
off a bakery box.

504
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,878
- This time, run!
- Okay.

505
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,757
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

506
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:32,760
- Woof!
- Woof!

507
00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:35,054
Everyone can do it but you.
It's embarrassing.

508
00:33:35,222 --> 00:33:36,430
It's not a competition, Ed.

509
00:33:36,598 --> 00:33:39,225
Everything's a competition.
Life's a competition.

510
00:33:39,393 --> 00:33:41,227
Come on, try it again.

511
00:33:42,312 --> 00:33:45,439
- How's it going?
- Okay. Where have you been?

512
00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:48,359
I was watching them castrate a horse.

513
00:33:50,237 --> 00:33:52,655
Well, I'm hungry. How about you? Hmm?

514
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:56,909
- JEFF: Can I help you with that?
- No, thanks. I think I'm getting it.

515
00:33:57,953 --> 00:34:01,997
T. R: Are you? Are you getting it?

516
00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:04,583
- See this? You see what's going on?
- Yeah, I'll take the big one.

517
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:06,919
Wait, wait, wait a second.
We are guests here.

518
00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:08,629
What, are you gonna wrestle
the cowboys?

519
00:34:08,797 --> 00:34:09,755
We're not gonna do nothing.

520
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:12,216
Wait, wait.
Hey, let me handle this, okay?

521
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:15,261
You know how you get.
It'll be High Noon.

522
00:34:15,762 --> 00:34:17,346
T. R: Come on. Let me help you out.

523
00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:20,099
BONNIE: Look, just leave me alone.

524
00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:21,517
- MITCH: Damn.
- JEFF: Come on.

525
00:34:21,685 --> 00:34:24,729
Well, I can't, you see. I'm in love.

526
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,440
Hi, boys. How are you?

527
00:34:27,607 --> 00:34:30,776
Yeah, I was just roping over there.
Thought I'd mosey on over.

528
00:34:30,944 --> 00:34:34,405
You know, I'd never moseyed before.
Hope I did it correctly.

529
00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:37,575
I mean, I've walked, I've ambled.
I even sashayed once.

530
00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:39,285
But that was in front
of the draft board.

531
00:34:39,453 --> 00:34:41,328
(CHUCKLING)

532
00:34:45,459 --> 00:34:46,876
Hello!

533
00:34:50,714 --> 00:34:52,339
Rough corral.

534
00:34:52,716 --> 00:34:55,301
- Bonnie, wanna come roping with us?
- No, that's all right.

535
00:34:55,469 --> 00:34:57,470
I think that Bonnie's talking
with us, friend.

536
00:34:57,637 --> 00:34:58,637
She's fine right here.

537
00:34:58,805 --> 00:35:00,723
Guys, listen, what are you doing, huh?

538
00:35:00,891 --> 00:35:03,893
This isn't exactly '90s behavior,
I gotta be honest with you.

539
00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:08,939
You stepped on my foot.

540
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:11,484
- He did not, you horse's ass.
- Ed.

541
00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:14,320
- You want a piece of this?
- Any time, Zeke.

542
00:35:14,488 --> 00:35:17,239
- How about right now, Stubby?
- Fine.

543
00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:43,057
- This man owes you an apology.
- I'm sorry.

544
00:35:43,225 --> 00:35:44,183
I didn't mean anything by it.

545
00:35:44,351 --> 00:35:48,479
- Not you. Him.
- Him. Of course.

546
00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:51,357
Uh-uh.

547
00:35:51,775 --> 00:35:52,858
No.

548
00:35:55,195 --> 00:35:56,612
(SCREAMS)

549
00:35:56,780 --> 00:35:58,030
God, I'm sorry, ma'am.
That'll never happen again.

550
00:35:58,198 --> 00:35:59,532
(GASPS)

551
00:35:59,950 --> 00:36:02,076
Yeah, see that it doesn't.

552
00:36:04,371 --> 00:36:06,539
I'm sorry, I thought
we were on the same...

553
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,748
You're doing fine.

554
00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:14,380
You guys were drinking.

555
00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:20,678
Don't let it happen again.

556
00:36:32,732 --> 00:36:34,692
Ma'am.

557
00:36:42,325 --> 00:36:44,326
Did you see that guy?

558
00:36:45,412 --> 00:36:48,497
That is the toughest man
I've ever seen in my life.

559
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,963
Did you see how leathery he was?
He was like a saddlebag with eyes.

560
00:36:56,965 --> 00:37:01,176
Listen, it took a lot of courage
to do what you did. Thank you.

561
00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:05,931
I'm married.

562
00:37:10,312 --> 00:37:11,729
(PLAYING COUNTRY MUSIC)

563
00:37:13,106 --> 00:37:15,858
IRA: Barry, over here, Barry.
Barry, look here.

564
00:37:16,359 --> 00:37:20,029
You're wrong, Ed. I'm telling you.
It was not a stupid thing to say.

565
00:37:20,196 --> 00:37:23,365
It was. She says, "Thanks"
and you say, "I'm married"?

566
00:37:23,533 --> 00:37:24,575
Yeah.

567
00:37:24,743 --> 00:37:27,953
I don't want any false flirtings.

568
00:37:28,121 --> 00:37:31,290
False flirtings?
But what if you're like me?

569
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:34,251
What if you don't encourage them
and they still come after you?

570
00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:35,836
It doesn't happen.

571
00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:39,423
See, women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place.

572
00:37:40,634 --> 00:37:44,219
- Good night. I'm going to bed.
- Good night. Sleep tight.

573
00:37:47,557 --> 00:37:51,518
- That was flirting.
- No. That was politeness.

574
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:53,646
That was,
"Have a pleasant and restful evening."

575
00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:56,440
No. That was, "I like your ass.
Could I wear it as a hat?"

576
00:37:57,734 --> 00:38:01,779
Say, Phil was telling us you had
a little trouble with Jeff and T. R?

577
00:38:01,947 --> 00:38:03,614
Yeah, they were giving Bonnie
a hard time.

578
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:05,658
Yeah, but he took care of it.

579
00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:08,661
But what made it worse
was the trail boss comes over.

580
00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:09,995
Curly?

581
00:38:12,874 --> 00:38:15,459
His name is Curly? Perfect.

582
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:16,585
You know what the cook
said about him?

583
00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:19,505
He said he killed a man
in a knife fight.

584
00:38:19,673 --> 00:38:21,799
He said he slit him from neck to nuts.

585
00:38:21,967 --> 00:38:24,259
I'm not happy about this.

586
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,763
This guy's a cowboy.
One of the last real men.

587
00:38:27,931 --> 00:38:30,015
He's untamed. A mustang.

588
00:38:30,183 --> 00:38:33,352
We're trained ponies. It'll do us good
to be in his world for a while.

589
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,690
- Do us good? He was hanging the help!
- ED: He was helping us.

590
00:38:37,857 --> 00:38:39,775
This guy is not normal, I'm telling you.

591
00:38:39,943 --> 00:38:42,111
Did you see his eyes?
He's got crazy eyes.

592
00:38:42,278 --> 00:38:43,696
He's a lunatic, I'm telling you.

593
00:38:43,863 --> 00:38:46,949
We're going into the wilderness
being led by a lunatic.

594
00:38:47,117 --> 00:38:48,450
He's behind me, isn't he?

595
00:38:51,997 --> 00:38:53,497
Time to turn in.

596
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:55,374
- Good night.
- Good night.

597
00:39:04,801 --> 00:39:07,219
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean anything by that.

598
00:39:07,387 --> 00:39:09,805
I crap bigger than you.

599
00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:21,316
He's gonna kill me.

600
00:39:22,402 --> 00:39:24,737
Watch it! Excuse me!

601
00:39:27,741 --> 00:39:30,492
Great! You are riding so much better.

602
00:39:30,660 --> 00:39:33,579
Thanks. Hey, I just talked to Nancy.

603
00:39:33,747 --> 00:39:37,416
- Who's Nancy?
- She's the... The girl.

604
00:39:37,584 --> 00:39:40,586
Oh! The... The girl.

605
00:39:40,754 --> 00:39:43,380
- She's not pregnant.
- Really?

606
00:39:43,548 --> 00:39:46,675
- Well, that's good, isn't it?
- For her.

607
00:39:47,427 --> 00:39:49,303
So what does it mean?

608
00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:53,724
You know what I think?
Out there are all the answers.

609
00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:56,852
No, Ed. Out there

610
00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:03,108
are cows, and plenty of them.

611
00:40:03,276 --> 00:40:06,361
We're gonna go 200 miles
with a big, moving stink.

612
00:40:06,529 --> 00:40:08,614
Okay. Come on.

613
00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:10,908
You guys are probably too young
to remember this,

614
00:40:11,076 --> 00:40:15,037
but when I was a kid, I remember
seeing a movie called Red River.

615
00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:16,705
- MITCH: Oh, I've seen it on TV.
- Yeah?

616
00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:18,624
But not in the movie theater.

617
00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:22,377
The big screen, with John Wayne
and Montgomery Clift.

618
00:40:23,296 --> 00:40:25,714
You remember the scene?
It was the start of the cattle drive.

619
00:40:25,882 --> 00:40:28,425
- Dad...
- No, no, son. That's why we're here.

620
00:40:28,593 --> 00:40:31,762
- The "yee-haw" scene?
- The "yee-haw" scene.

621
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:33,639
Before they took the cattle out,

622
00:40:33,807 --> 00:40:38,811
those cowboys waved their hats
in the air and yelled, "Yee-haw!"

623
00:40:39,813 --> 00:40:43,899
- What do you say to that?
- All right! Move them out!

624
00:40:48,404 --> 00:40:51,156
Yee-haw!

625
00:40:51,324 --> 00:40:54,827
Yahoo!

626
00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:56,453
Yee-haw.

627
00:40:57,872 --> 00:41:01,416
Yee-haw!

628
00:41:01,584 --> 00:41:03,502
- Yee-haw!
- Yee-haw!

629
00:41:03,670 --> 00:41:04,670
Yee-haw!

630
00:41:05,713 --> 00:41:08,382
- Feel like a schmuck?
- Oh, yeah. A big schmuck. Yeah.

631
00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:10,175
BOTH: Yee-haw!

632
00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:13,762
We'll see you in Colorado!

633
00:41:14,514 --> 00:41:16,765
(ALL WHOOPING)

634
00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:22,855
♪ Fairy tales can come true

635
00:41:23,773 --> 00:41:26,024
♪ It can happen to you

636
00:41:26,693 --> 00:41:29,695
♪ If you're young at heart

637
00:41:32,282 --> 00:41:36,451
♪ For it's hard, you will find,
to be narrow of mind

638
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:39,746
♪ If you're young at heart

639
00:41:42,876 --> 00:41:47,087
♪ And if you should survive to 105

640
00:41:48,298 --> 00:41:53,760
♪ Look at all you'll derive
just by being alive

641
00:41:57,765 --> 00:42:00,684
♪ Now here is the best part

642
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:03,645
♪ You have a head start

643
00:42:03,813 --> 00:42:07,816
♪ If you are amongst the very young

644
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:11,028
♪ At heart ♪

645
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:27,502
Look, a stray. You take him, Mitch.

646
00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:29,004
No, it's the first one. You get him, Ed.

647
00:42:29,172 --> 00:42:30,839
No, no, it's the first one.
Let Phil have him.

648
00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,007
No, no, I'll get the next one.

649
00:42:32,175 --> 00:42:33,425
Look, you get this one,
I'll get the next one.

650
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:34,551
You sure? I mean,
there's gonna be plenty.

651
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:36,511
No, yeah, you get this one.
I'll get the next one.

652
00:42:36,679 --> 00:42:37,846
Then Ed, then you, we'll go...

653
00:42:38,014 --> 00:42:40,474
Like a round-robin kind of thing.
That's good, yeah.

654
00:42:40,642 --> 00:42:41,642
All right, so who gets this one?

655
00:42:41,809 --> 00:42:42,976
- You!
- All right, good.

656
00:42:43,144 --> 00:42:45,437
- Come on. Go!
- Out of chute number nine!

657
00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:47,689
Hey, go Mitchy!

658
00:42:47,857 --> 00:42:49,107
- ED: Go, Mitchy!
- MITCH: Come on, now.

659
00:42:49,275 --> 00:42:52,236
No, no. No, no. Don't go back there. No!

660
00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:55,447
Think I can't see you behind there?

661
00:42:55,615 --> 00:42:57,199
Hello.

662
00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,451
Come on, now. Move it. Here we go.

663
00:43:00,161 --> 00:43:02,621
Come on now. Here we go. Come on.

664
00:43:02,789 --> 00:43:04,706
It's like chasing a mime.

665
00:43:09,504 --> 00:43:11,296
Yee-haw, cowboy!

666
00:43:12,882 --> 00:43:14,883
- All right!
- All right, Mitchy!

667
00:43:15,051 --> 00:43:17,719
I did it! All right!

668
00:43:17,971 --> 00:43:18,929
Uh-oh.

669
00:43:19,097 --> 00:43:20,764
Hey! Moonwalk!

670
00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:22,349
(BOTH LAUGHING)

671
00:43:22,517 --> 00:43:24,309
(IMITATING MICHAEL JACKSON)
I'd like to thank everybody and God

672
00:43:24,477 --> 00:43:25,811
for helping me get my stray in.

673
00:43:25,979 --> 00:43:27,771
Let's go, boy.

674
00:43:27,939 --> 00:43:31,149
All right, all right. Come on back!
Come on back! Come on back!

675
00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:34,695
All right, now, easy on the clutch.
Cut the wheel! Cut it, cut it, cut it!

676
00:43:34,862 --> 00:43:39,074
That's it.
Straight back and park and lock it.

677
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,618
You got the keys, sir?
How long you gonna be?

678
00:43:41,786 --> 00:43:44,246
Whoo! I wish the kids
could've seen that.

679
00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:46,832
Then dump it into the personal
and then make out the check.

680
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,709
What are we telling him this for?
He's our accountant.

681
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,711
What are we telling you this for?
You're our accountant.

682
00:43:50,878 --> 00:43:54,423
- No. Don't... Just get a Mets score.
- Okay. Arnold, I'm losing you.

683
00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:56,591
We're going behind a butte.

684
00:43:56,759 --> 00:44:00,762
Arnold? Arnold, what's the Mets score?
The Mets...

685
00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:03,348
I lost him.

686
00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:05,142
(CHUCKLING)

687
00:44:27,957 --> 00:44:30,709
Boy, that saddle's having all the fun.

688
00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:33,378
You have, like, a half-track mind.

689
00:44:33,546 --> 00:44:35,047
You wouldn't like
to screw her brains out?

690
00:44:35,214 --> 00:44:36,715
Lovely image.

691
00:44:36,883 --> 00:44:40,552
It ranks up there with my other favorite
of yours, "Bang the shit out of her."

692
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:41,720
(LAUGHS)

693
00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:45,223
I'm sorry if I offended
your delicate sensibilities.

694
00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:47,601
I noticed
you were staring at her pretty good.

695
00:44:47,769 --> 00:44:48,894
That's different.

696
00:44:49,062 --> 00:44:50,854
- Different?
- Yeah.

697
00:44:51,731 --> 00:44:55,233
Look. I go to an art gallery, right?
And I see a Picasso.

698
00:44:55,401 --> 00:44:58,612
- She's a Picasso now?
- No, she's not a Picasso.

699
00:44:58,780 --> 00:45:00,947
If she was a Picasso,
she'd have three tits.

700
00:45:01,115 --> 00:45:03,784
What I'm saying is,
if I see a nice painting,

701
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:05,994
I look at it but I don't
pull it off the wall.

702
00:45:06,162 --> 00:45:07,913
Let me ask you this.

703
00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:11,583
What if you could have great sex
with someone very attractive

704
00:45:11,751 --> 00:45:13,710
and Barbara would never find out?

705
00:45:13,878 --> 00:45:16,463
It's a big trap.
I mean, look what happened to Phil.

706
00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:19,299
The girl came to his house,
then she came to my house.

707
00:45:19,467 --> 00:45:20,801
Yeah.

708
00:45:22,470 --> 00:45:24,971
- Let's say a spaceship lands.
- Good. Reality.

709
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,181
Are you listening to this?

710
00:45:26,349 --> 00:45:30,352
A spaceship lands and the most
beautiful woman you ever saw gets out.

711
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:34,564
And all she wants to do is have the
greatest sex in the universe with you.

712
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,983
- Could happen.
- And the second it's over,

713
00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:40,570
she flies away for eternity.
No one will ever know.

714
00:45:41,155 --> 00:45:42,614
You're telling me you wouldn't do it?

715
00:45:42,782 --> 00:45:46,618
No. Because what you're describing,
actually happened to my cousin, Ronald.

716
00:45:46,786 --> 00:45:48,703
And his wife did find out about it
at the beauty parlor.

717
00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:51,456
- They know everything there.
- Forget about it.

718
00:45:51,624 --> 00:45:52,624
Look, Ed, what I'm saying is

719
00:45:52,792 --> 00:45:55,127
it wouldn't make it all right
if Barbara didn't know.

720
00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:58,088
I'd know, and I wouldn't like myself.
That's all.

721
00:45:58,256 --> 00:46:02,384
- Pay attention, girls. We got strays.
- Hi, Curly. Kill anyone today?

722
00:46:03,344 --> 00:46:04,636
Day ain't over yet.

723
00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:07,180
(URGES HORSE)

724
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:13,812
MITCH: I wonder what Barbara's doing.

725
00:46:14,814 --> 00:46:17,649
You're really with just one woman
for 15 years? Just one?

726
00:46:17,817 --> 00:46:21,862
Yes, Ed. I'm married. I caught my limit.
Why are you after me about this?

727
00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:26,658
Let's say all your life, for breakfast,

728
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:28,994
you're eating
from the Kellogg's Variety Pack.

729
00:46:29,162 --> 00:46:31,580
- And a spaceship lands.
- No.

730
00:46:31,747 --> 00:46:33,498
And then you don't get the Variety Pack.

731
00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:37,335
You pick one, your favorite one,
and you just get that one from then on.

732
00:46:37,503 --> 00:46:40,630
Every day for the rest of your life,
the same cereal.

733
00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:44,217
And then you wake up one morning
and you're just not hungry anymore.

734
00:46:44,385 --> 00:46:46,011
You can't get an erection.

735
00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:50,348
Hey, pal. I can get an erection
any time I want. Watch.

736
00:46:50,516 --> 00:46:52,017
Ed, please don't. Come on.

737
00:46:52,185 --> 00:46:56,563
Leave the stallion in the corral.
You'll knock me into the fire, okay?

738
00:46:58,357 --> 00:47:00,525
See, here's the thing.

739
00:47:00,693 --> 00:47:03,528
- Kim wants to have kids.
- And you don't?

740
00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:07,699
I tell her it's because we wouldn't have
as much fun. It would hurt her modeling.

741
00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:09,743
But that's not the reason.

742
00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:13,538
Having a kid, that's heavy.
That's a real commitment.

743
00:47:13,706 --> 00:47:17,792
That's saying, "I'm never gonna be with
another woman for the rest of my life."

744
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,378
Wait a minute, let me get this straight.

745
00:47:20,546 --> 00:47:23,048
I have no life.
We're all agreed on that, right?

746
00:47:23,216 --> 00:47:24,216
- Right.
- Yeah.

747
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:27,219
Okay, and your big problem

748
00:47:27,386 --> 00:47:31,389
is that you're married to this
gorgeous 24-year-old underwear model

749
00:47:31,557 --> 00:47:34,226
who thinks that the sun rises
and sets in your pants,

750
00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:36,228
and that's not enough for you?

751
00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:39,606
- You don't understand.
- No, I don't understand.

752
00:47:40,066 --> 00:47:43,151
- I don't wanna screw around on Kim.
- So don't.

753
00:47:43,653 --> 00:47:44,653
Oh.

754
00:47:45,404 --> 00:47:48,365
- From the king of restraint.
- What does that mean?

755
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:51,409
It means that's pretty smug advice
coming from a man

756
00:47:51,577 --> 00:47:55,205
who mounted an 18-year-old checkout
girl on the day-old bread rack.

757
00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:58,583
- She's 20, and shut up.
- Let me get you hot, Phil.

758
00:47:58,751 --> 00:48:01,670
"I need a price, register nine.
I need a price."

759
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:03,505
- Cut it out.
- Guys, come on.

760
00:48:03,673 --> 00:48:05,924
What'd you use for protection?
Paper or plastic?

761
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:08,718
- ED: Come on! Come on!
- MITCH: We're on vacation!

762
00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:10,428
ED: You're gonna do nothing!

763
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:11,721
(ALL GROANING)

764
00:48:13,766 --> 00:48:16,977
- You're spooking the cattle.
- We were just fooling around.

765
00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:18,853
See you tomorrow.

766
00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:22,816
Sun-up.

767
00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:31,700
- STEVE: Morning.
- Hi.

768
00:48:31,867 --> 00:48:34,953
- You done with that?
- Yeah, help yourself.

769
00:48:35,121 --> 00:48:37,455
See, Mom, we're keeping clean.

770
00:48:37,623 --> 00:48:40,792
It's cold, but I'm a real pioneer man.

771
00:48:47,049 --> 00:48:48,174
- Morning.
- Good morning.

772
00:48:48,342 --> 00:48:49,759
Morning.

773
00:48:51,137 --> 00:48:54,639
Come on, guys.
You're sorry, you're sorry.

774
00:48:54,807 --> 00:48:56,474
Let's make up, huh?

775
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:04,441
All right.

776
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:07,944
- My fault.
- No, it's all right.

777
00:49:08,112 --> 00:49:12,490
Now to celebrate. I got a special treat.
I'm gonna make fresh coffee.

778
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:14,743
Battery-operated.
Instantly grinds its own beans.

779
00:49:14,910 --> 00:49:17,912
Only $19.95.
Come on, why live like animals?

780
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,372
- That's great.
- Yeah.

781
00:49:19,540 --> 00:49:21,666
All right, now first cup's
gonna be for my good friend Phil,

782
00:49:21,834 --> 00:49:24,586
who when we were kids, used to
let me watch his sister undress.

783
00:49:24,754 --> 00:49:28,173
I've never forgot it, Phil.
'Cause I still do it. Okay!

784
00:49:28,591 --> 00:49:30,342
(WHIRRING)

785
00:49:31,761 --> 00:49:33,386
(COWS MOOING)

786
00:49:36,349 --> 00:49:37,932
Wow.
There's something spooking the cattle.

787
00:49:39,518 --> 00:49:41,686
Look, look, look.
The cows are going away.

788
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:49,611
- Wow, look at them go!
- That is amazing!

789
00:49:49,779 --> 00:49:52,197
- T. R: Stampede!
- JEFF: We gotta get them!

790
00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:54,574
Gotta get them.

791
00:49:54,742 --> 00:49:56,326
Whoa, whoa!

792
00:49:56,494 --> 00:49:58,578
- Beautiful. Get that in the frame.
- Oh, yeah, I got them.

793
00:50:14,887 --> 00:50:17,138
I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! Oh, God!

794
00:50:17,306 --> 00:50:19,099
They're coming at us!

795
00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:26,439
Hey!

796
00:50:28,734 --> 00:50:31,695
- Come on!
- Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

797
00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:44,541
Bonnie, there's a stampede!

798
00:50:44,750 --> 00:50:46,209
In your tent!

799
00:51:27,835 --> 00:51:28,835
(SCREAMING)

800
00:51:50,733 --> 00:51:52,567
City folk.

801
00:52:00,618 --> 00:52:05,663
I'm sorry. I mean, I was just trying
to make a cup of coffee. That's all.

802
00:52:09,335 --> 00:52:10,543
It was French roast.

803
00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:12,754
There's still a few head missing.

804
00:52:12,922 --> 00:52:15,298
Must have gone into that canyon
while I was getting the others.

805
00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:18,218
- JEFF: T.R. And I'll get them.
- No, I'll get them.

806
00:52:19,178 --> 00:52:20,637
With you.

807
00:52:22,014 --> 00:52:24,432
- Me?
- Yeah.

808
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,560
- You're coming with me.
- Just the two of us?

809
00:52:30,022 --> 00:52:32,941
You move the herd and I'll catch up.

810
00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:35,860
- You mean, we'll catch up.
- Let's go.

811
00:52:48,165 --> 00:52:49,374
Bye.

812
00:52:51,752 --> 00:52:55,713
MITCH: Curly, did I ever show you
pictures of my wife and kids?

813
00:52:56,549 --> 00:52:58,007
I'm their sole support, you know.

814
00:52:58,175 --> 00:53:00,969
- Is he gonna be all right?
- Sure.

815
00:53:01,136 --> 00:53:03,179
Curly's just trying to scare him.
You know Mitch.

816
00:53:03,347 --> 00:53:05,056
He's a... He's a wise-ass.

817
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:08,101
If anything happens to him,

818
00:53:09,270 --> 00:53:11,271
I'm going after Barbara.

819
00:53:18,779 --> 00:53:22,073
Throw a rope on this one
so we can go after the others. Rope him.

820
00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:24,909
I'm not good at it.
I have a roping disability.

821
00:53:38,591 --> 00:53:39,632
Be right with you.

822
00:53:46,849 --> 00:53:48,516
Jesus Christ.

823
00:53:52,688 --> 00:53:54,939
Hey. See, I'm good at this part.

824
00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:57,400
Throw it.

825
00:54:07,953 --> 00:54:10,705
You know what just occurred to me?
Roping is stupid.

826
00:54:10,873 --> 00:54:14,792
This is a cow, not a gazelle. Watch.
Get off the horse, huh?

827
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:16,252
Okay.

828
00:54:18,088 --> 00:54:21,841
Then you walk up to the cow.
Look how good this is working.

829
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:25,303
Then you say,
"Hi, Bob Vila for This Old Herd.

830
00:54:25,471 --> 00:54:26,679
"We're gonna rope you today."

831
00:54:26,847 --> 00:54:31,517
Then you take Mr. Loop
and put it around the head of Mr. Cow.

832
00:54:36,148 --> 00:54:37,607
Now what's wrong with that?

833
00:54:37,775 --> 00:54:38,775
(WHISTLES)

834
00:54:42,655 --> 00:54:43,655
That!

835
00:54:43,822 --> 00:54:45,657
I'm on vacation!

836
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:47,659
(SCREAMING)

837
00:54:56,126 --> 00:54:58,836
- Is that it?
- That's it.

838
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:04,342
- What are we doing?
- Making camp.

839
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:10,056
Too late to catch up to the herd
before dark. We'll catch up tomorrow.

840
00:55:10,224 --> 00:55:14,018
You mean we're gonna sleep out here?
Just...

841
00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:16,646
That's right.

842
00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:18,898
(CHUCKLES)

843
00:55:20,442 --> 00:55:22,360
Oh, God. It's Deliverance.

844
00:55:32,454 --> 00:55:33,705
Getting ready to shave?

845
00:55:34,873 --> 00:55:39,794
You make a lot of smart remarks
at my expense, don't you?

846
00:55:40,754 --> 00:55:43,715
I'm joking. I do it with everybody.

847
00:55:45,050 --> 00:55:46,509
It's just my way.

848
00:55:47,678 --> 00:55:49,887
I don't understand that way.

849
00:55:54,018 --> 00:55:55,643
(PLAYING HARMONICA)

850
00:55:56,854 --> 00:55:58,062
Put that away.

851
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,735
(PLAYING)

852
00:56:04,028 --> 00:56:07,989
I said put that away.

853
00:56:10,117 --> 00:56:14,203
Hey, you know, the first time I tried
to talk to you, you embarrassed me.

854
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,165
So I teased you a little bit,
which maybe I shouldn't have done.

855
00:56:17,332 --> 00:56:18,583
So I'm sorry.

856
00:56:18,751 --> 00:56:20,460
And now you're sitting over there
playing with your knife,

857
00:56:20,627 --> 00:56:21,794
trying to frighten me,

858
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:24,255
which you're doing a good job.

859
00:56:25,841 --> 00:56:28,593
But if you're gonna kill me,
get on with it.

860
00:56:28,761 --> 00:56:30,970
If not, shut the hell up.

861
00:56:32,598 --> 00:56:34,223
I'm on vacation.

862
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,027
(PLAYING HARMONICA)

863
00:57:01,001 --> 00:57:03,377
(SINGING)
♪ See them tumbling down

864
00:57:05,297 --> 00:57:07,715
♪ Pledging their love to the ground

865
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:11,344
♪ Lonely, but free, I'll be found

866
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:16,766
♪ Drifting along
With the tumbling tumbleweeds

867
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:22,188
♪ Cares of the past are behind

868
00:57:23,315 --> 00:57:26,526
♪ Nowhere to go
But I'll find

869
00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:32,281
♪ Just where the trail will wind

870
00:57:33,659 --> 00:57:37,870
♪ Drifting along
With the tumbling tumbleweeds ♪

871
00:57:45,504 --> 00:57:47,296
MITCH: Do you know any show tunes?

872
00:57:48,674 --> 00:57:52,176
MITCH: And the second it's over,
she's gonna get back into her spaceship

873
00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:54,137
and fly away for eternity.

874
00:57:54,304 --> 00:57:56,764
- Would you do it?
- Is she a redhead?

875
00:57:58,142 --> 00:57:59,600
Could be.

876
00:58:00,853 --> 00:58:02,728
I like redheads.

877
00:58:07,025 --> 00:58:09,777
- You ever been married?
- No.

878
00:58:11,864 --> 00:58:13,865
You ever been in love?

879
00:58:15,951 --> 00:58:17,076
Once.

880
00:58:18,662 --> 00:58:22,206
I was driving a herd
across the Panhandle. Texas.

881
00:58:23,167 --> 00:58:27,879
And passed near this little dirt farm
'round about sundown.

882
00:58:29,548 --> 00:58:34,635
Out in the field was this young woman,
working down in the dirt.

883
00:58:35,679 --> 00:58:38,890
Just about then,
she stood up to stretch her back.

884
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:43,603
She was wearing a little cotton dress,

885
00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:47,773
and the setting sun
was right behind her,

886
00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:50,860
showing the shape
that God had give her.

887
00:58:51,904 --> 00:58:53,738
What happened?

888
00:58:55,073 --> 00:58:57,742
I just turned around and rode away.

889
00:58:58,410 --> 00:58:59,702
Why?

890
00:59:01,330 --> 00:59:04,582
I figured it wasn't gonna get
any better than that.

891
00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:08,377
Yeah, but you could've been,
you know, with her.

892
00:59:08,545 --> 00:59:10,463
I been with lots of women.

893
00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:14,217
Yeah, but, you know,
she could've been the love of your life.

894
00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:15,927
She is.

895
00:59:17,554 --> 00:59:20,723
That's great. That's not great.

896
00:59:20,891 --> 00:59:22,058
No, that's wrong, Curly.

897
00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:24,769
You passed up something
that might have been terrific.

898
00:59:24,937 --> 00:59:28,189
- My choice.
- I never could have done that.

899
00:59:28,357 --> 00:59:30,149
That's your choice.

900
00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:34,111
A cowboy leads a different kind of life.

901
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:35,821
When there were cowboys.

902
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:39,200
We're a dying breed.

903
00:59:41,912 --> 00:59:44,247
Still means something to me, though.

904
00:59:44,414 --> 00:59:48,209
In a couple of days,
we'll move this herd across the river,

905
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:52,046
drive them through the valley.

906
00:59:54,716 --> 00:59:56,926
There's nothing like bringing in a herd.

907
00:59:57,094 --> 01:00:00,471
See, now that's great.
Your life makes sense to you.

908
01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:01,847
(LAUGHING)

909
01:00:02,766 --> 01:00:03,724
What's so funny?

910
01:00:03,892 --> 01:00:07,436
You city folk, you worry
about a lot of shit, don't you?

911
01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:08,562
- Shit?
- Yeah.

912
01:00:08,730 --> 01:00:11,482
My wife basically told me
she doesn't want me around.

913
01:00:11,650 --> 01:00:13,484
Is she a redhead?

914
01:00:13,652 --> 01:00:17,488
- I'm just saying...
- How old are you? Thirty-eight.

915
01:00:17,656 --> 01:00:19,073
- Thirty-nine.
- Yeah.

916
01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:22,118
You all come up here about
the same age. Same problems.

917
01:00:22,286 --> 01:00:25,663
Spend about 50 weeks a year
getting knots in your rope and then...

918
01:00:25,831 --> 01:00:29,667
Then you think two weeks up here'll
untie them for you.

919
01:00:29,835 --> 01:00:31,502
None of you get it.

920
01:00:34,381 --> 01:00:36,007
Do you know what
the secret of life is?

921
01:00:36,174 --> 01:00:37,675
No. What?

922
01:00:39,136 --> 01:00:41,345
- This.
- Your finger?

923
01:00:41,847 --> 01:00:44,682
One thing. Just one thing.

924
01:00:46,018 --> 01:00:49,520
You stick to that
and everything else don't mean shit.

925
01:00:49,855 --> 01:00:52,857
That's great, but what's the one thing?

926
01:00:54,067 --> 01:00:56,527
That's what you gotta figure out.

927
01:01:00,866 --> 01:01:01,866
(COW GROANING)

928
01:01:05,370 --> 01:01:07,371
Damn it. Come on!

929
01:01:14,338 --> 01:01:18,174
- What's the matter? What's going on?
- This cow's having a baby.

930
01:01:21,762 --> 01:01:23,304
I noticed it when we found her.

931
01:01:23,472 --> 01:01:27,224
I was hoping she'd make it
through the drive, but she's ready.

932
01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:29,560
Does she do it herself
or do you have to help her?

933
01:01:29,728 --> 01:01:32,563
I'll hold her down.
You deliver the calf.

934
01:01:32,731 --> 01:01:36,317
Excuse me? Hello!
Why don't I hold her down?

935
01:01:36,485 --> 01:01:40,154
'Cause you don't know how. She'll kick
you and kill you, and her and the calf.

936
01:01:40,322 --> 01:01:42,573
And that's too much
for me to carry back.

937
01:01:42,741 --> 01:01:45,910
- I see your point.
- Come on. She's ready.

938
01:01:47,746 --> 01:01:49,747
- I...
- She's bursting!

939
01:01:49,915 --> 01:01:52,666
Oh, God. There's gonna be bursting?

940
01:01:52,834 --> 01:01:55,586
Just reach in and pull out the calf.

941
01:02:09,893 --> 01:02:10,893
Ooh.

942
01:02:17,109 --> 01:02:18,401
You know,
this was not in the brochure.

943
01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:20,653
She needs help, goddamn it!

944
01:02:24,241 --> 01:02:25,324
(GRUNTING)

945
01:02:25,826 --> 01:02:28,869
Now what's taking so long?
Do you see the head?

946
01:02:31,456 --> 01:02:32,456
(GROANS)

947
01:02:33,125 --> 01:02:34,125
(COUGHING)

948
01:02:36,795 --> 01:02:39,088
- I only see a tail.
- Oh, shit!

949
01:02:39,256 --> 01:02:42,049
It's turned the wrong way. Get it out.

950
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:44,718
Uh-oh.

951
01:02:45,178 --> 01:02:47,346
- My watch came off.
- Now!

952
01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:49,890
- It was a gift!
- Do it!

953
01:02:52,144 --> 01:02:53,144
Come on.

954
01:02:57,858 --> 01:02:59,191
(GRUNTING)

955
01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:16,500
- Oh, Jesus.
- Look what I did! I made a cow.

956
01:03:20,005 --> 01:03:24,467
This is unbelievable. This is amazing.

957
01:03:24,634 --> 01:03:26,510
He looks like you.

958
01:03:26,678 --> 01:03:29,972
Look at him. Yeah. Get up.

959
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:31,140
(COW GROANING)

960
01:03:31,725 --> 01:03:32,975
Oh, shit.

961
01:03:34,186 --> 01:03:36,854
Look... Look at this.
He's walking already.

962
01:03:37,022 --> 01:03:41,025
He's a genius.
He gets that from my side of the family.

963
01:03:41,193 --> 01:03:43,110
We all walked very early.

964
01:03:45,322 --> 01:03:48,574
I'm gonna name him Norman.
You know, 'cause years ago...

965
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:49,742
(GUN FIRES)

966
01:03:53,705 --> 01:03:56,248
- Why did you do that?
- She was dying.

967
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:01,170
And she was suffering.

968
01:04:02,506 --> 01:04:04,089
You saved the calf.

969
01:04:09,221 --> 01:04:10,804
Good job, cowboy.

970
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:27,613
There you go, Norman, that is it.
You are only down a quart.

971
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:30,866
That's really wonderful.
You got him to drink from the bottle.

972
01:04:32,536 --> 01:04:35,412
Yeah, thank God,
'cause my nipples were killing me.

973
01:04:37,749 --> 01:04:41,585
What do you think? What would be
the perfect flavor with this meal?

974
01:04:41,753 --> 01:04:43,504
- Cherry vanilla?
- No.

975
01:04:43,672 --> 01:04:47,841
If it was Chinese food, right on the
money. But this? Toasted almond.

976
01:04:51,263 --> 01:04:52,388
What's going on?

977
01:04:52,556 --> 01:04:56,392
Barry can pick out the exact right
flavor of ice cream to follow any meal.

978
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:58,102
(LAUGHING)

979
01:04:58,270 --> 01:05:00,271
Go ahead. Challenge him.

980
01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:04,149
- Challenge him?
- BARRY: Come on.

981
01:05:06,027 --> 01:05:07,820
Franks and beans.

982
01:05:07,988 --> 01:05:11,824
Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla.
Don't waste my time.

983
01:05:20,250 --> 01:05:23,294
Come on. Push me.

984
01:05:27,799 --> 01:05:29,842
- Sea bass.
- Grilled?

985
01:05:30,927 --> 01:05:33,137
- Sautéed.
- I'm with you.

986
01:05:33,305 --> 01:05:35,598
Potatoes au gratin.

987
01:05:39,519 --> 01:05:40,811
Asparagus.

988
01:05:48,653 --> 01:05:49,862
Rum raisin.

989
01:05:52,991 --> 01:05:53,991
- Woof!
- Woof!

990
01:05:54,159 --> 01:05:57,328
"Woof" what?
How do you know he's right?

991
01:05:57,495 --> 01:05:58,537
How do we know?

992
01:05:58,705 --> 01:06:03,125
1,400 retail outlets across the country.
That's how we know.

993
01:06:04,336 --> 01:06:05,294
- Woof!
- Woof!

994
01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:07,838
PHIL: Will you stop
with Roberto Clemente?

995
01:06:08,006 --> 01:06:11,216
Henry Aaron was the greatest
right fielder of our generation.

996
01:06:11,384 --> 01:06:13,010
Could he run like Clemente?
Could he throw like Clemente?

997
01:06:13,178 --> 01:06:14,803
Look, I'm gonna say one thing
to you, okay?

998
01:06:14,971 --> 01:06:17,973
755 home runs. Goodbye.

999
01:06:18,141 --> 01:06:20,017
Hey, Clemente was killed
in a plane crash.

1000
01:06:20,185 --> 01:06:21,685
What, you're gonna
blame that on Aaron?

1001
01:06:21,853 --> 01:06:23,520
No, I'm not blaming. I'm just saying.

1002
01:06:23,688 --> 01:06:26,190
- (GROANS) Baseball.
- You've got something

1003
01:06:26,358 --> 01:06:27,316
against baseball?

1004
01:06:27,484 --> 01:06:29,943
It's just I used to live with a guy
who was like a baseball encyclopedia

1005
01:06:30,111 --> 01:06:32,196
and I just got flashes.

1006
01:06:32,364 --> 01:06:33,947
You broke up with him
'cause of baseball?

1007
01:06:34,115 --> 01:06:36,575
No. We had different needs.

1008
01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:38,702
I needed him to treat me decently
and get a job

1009
01:06:38,870 --> 01:06:41,372
and he needed to
empty my bank account and leave.

1010
01:06:41,539 --> 01:06:42,706
Ouch!

1011
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:47,544
- So, do you hate baseball?
- No, I like baseball.

1012
01:06:47,712 --> 01:06:51,715
I just never understood how you guys
can spend so much time discussing it.

1013
01:06:51,883 --> 01:06:53,759
I mean, I've been to games,
but I don't memorize

1014
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:57,888
who played third base
for Pittsburgh in 1960.

1015
01:06:58,056 --> 01:06:59,098
- Don Hoak.
- BOTH: Don Hoak.

1016
01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:02,685
- Beat you.
- See, that's exactly what I mean.

1017
01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:06,647
So, what do you and your friends
talk about out there?

1018
01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:09,817
Well, real life.

1019
01:07:10,777 --> 01:07:14,029
Relationships.
Are they working? Are they not?

1020
01:07:14,197 --> 01:07:16,407
Who's she seeing? Is that working?

1021
01:07:16,574 --> 01:07:19,827
- No contest. We win.
- Why?

1022
01:07:19,994 --> 01:07:24,248
Honey, if that were
as interesting as baseball,

1023
01:07:24,416 --> 01:07:26,333
they'd have cards for it
and sell it with gum.

1024
01:07:29,254 --> 01:07:32,798
Ed, I see by the sun
it's time for you to hibernate again.

1025
01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:36,260
You're right, I suppose.
I mean, I guess it is childish,

1026
01:07:36,428 --> 01:07:39,555
but when I was about 18

1027
01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:44,059
and my dad and I couldn't communicate
about anything at all,

1028
01:07:44,227 --> 01:07:46,145
we could still talk about baseball.

1029
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:49,773
You know, that... That was real.

1030
01:07:54,946 --> 01:07:56,989
You know what the secret of life is?

1031
01:07:57,157 --> 01:07:58,240
It's this.

1032
01:08:00,952 --> 01:08:03,704
One thing. Just one thing.

1033
01:08:04,456 --> 01:08:06,874
- And what's that?
- I have no idea.

1034
01:08:07,917 --> 01:08:10,544
But ask Curly 'cause he seems to know.

1035
01:08:10,712 --> 01:08:13,630
- Curly knows the secret of life?
- Yeah.

1036
01:08:13,798 --> 01:08:14,757
MITCH: I'm gonna invite him over.

1037
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:16,717
I mean, he's a very interesting guy,
you'll see.

1038
01:08:16,885 --> 01:08:18,469
ED: I'm sure he is.

1039
01:08:24,934 --> 01:08:26,560
Hey, Curly.

1040
01:08:27,645 --> 01:08:30,773
Curly? Curl? You got a minute?

1041
01:08:32,734 --> 01:08:34,193
He is a real cowboy.

1042
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:37,738
He sleeps with his eyes open
so he can still watch the herd.

1043
01:08:40,784 --> 01:08:44,411
Curl. Curly?

1044
01:08:58,468 --> 01:09:03,388
Is this all right? Do you need, like, a
license or something to bury somebody?

1045
01:09:03,556 --> 01:09:06,350
No. This is where
Curly would wanna be buried.

1046
01:09:06,518 --> 01:09:09,686
I mean, he said he was a dying breed.
I didn't know he meant on this trip.

1047
01:09:09,854 --> 01:09:13,857
The man ate bacon at every meal.
I mean, you can't do that.

1048
01:09:14,025 --> 01:09:15,901
Well, I guess that's it.

1049
01:09:16,569 --> 01:09:18,654
Wait a minute.
Shouldn't somebody say something?

1050
01:09:18,822 --> 01:09:20,113
I mean, you know, like a eulogy.

1051
01:09:20,281 --> 01:09:21,240
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1052
01:09:21,407 --> 01:09:23,867
MITCH: Cookie, you knew him best.

1053
01:09:28,832 --> 01:09:32,417
Lord, we give you Curly.
Try not to piss him off.

1054
01:09:34,087 --> 01:09:35,546
That's it?

1055
01:09:35,713 --> 01:09:38,048
What else is there?
I got chicken burning.

1056
01:09:38,216 --> 01:09:41,885
You're a warm man, Cookie.
Wait a second. I'll...

1057
01:09:45,807 --> 01:09:47,724
What can I say about Curly?

1058
01:09:48,101 --> 01:09:50,727
I didn't know you well,
but I'll never forget you.

1059
01:09:51,563 --> 01:09:55,566
You lived life on your terms,
simple, honest and brave.

1060
01:09:56,734 --> 01:09:59,319
I'm glad for this short time
that we spent together.

1061
01:09:59,487 --> 01:10:03,073
- Amen.
- Amen.

1062
01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:13,292
Do you think this is all right?
I mean, with them.

1063
01:10:13,459 --> 01:10:14,877
All right, listen up.

1064
01:10:15,044 --> 01:10:17,796
Ben, I want you to take the left flank
with T.R. And Bonnie.

1065
01:10:17,964 --> 01:10:20,257
I want you three boys,
you're gonna ride point.

1066
01:10:20,425 --> 01:10:22,885
I'm gonna push
with Steve, Barry and Ira.

1067
01:10:23,052 --> 01:10:25,596
Yeah, they're pros. It'll be okay.

1068
01:10:50,705 --> 01:10:52,372
So long, cowboy.

1069
01:11:10,099 --> 01:11:11,975
You know, it makes you stop and think.

1070
01:11:12,143 --> 01:11:13,435
Stop the clock.

1071
01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:15,562
- That's 25 minutes. I win.
- Yup.

1072
01:11:15,813 --> 01:11:17,022
Win what?

1073
01:11:17,190 --> 01:11:21,193
I had under a half an hour
before you started to talk about death.

1074
01:11:21,361 --> 01:11:23,612
Why would you think
I would talk about death?

1075
01:11:23,780 --> 01:11:25,656
What, are you kidding?
We just came from a funeral.

1076
01:11:25,823 --> 01:11:27,240
And it's your favorite subject.

1077
01:11:27,408 --> 01:11:29,493
It is not. I just think
that when you see a life end,

1078
01:11:29,661 --> 01:11:32,829
it's a natural time
to think about your own mortality.

1079
01:11:32,997 --> 01:11:35,666
No, it isn't. Why do that to yourself?

1080
01:11:35,833 --> 01:11:38,335
When somebody dies,
I don't change places with him.

1081
01:11:38,503 --> 01:11:40,754
I appreciate the fact that I'm not dead.

1082
01:11:40,922 --> 01:11:44,341
Look at this. It's a beautiful day,
I'm here with my two best friends

1083
01:11:44,509 --> 01:11:46,843
and we're driving a herd
of cattle across the plains.

1084
01:11:47,011 --> 01:11:50,430
Pretty goddamn great.
It's one of the best days of my life.

1085
01:11:50,598 --> 01:11:53,850
All right.
What is the best day of your life?

1086
01:11:54,018 --> 01:11:56,186
- You mean ever?
- Yeah. Best day ever

1087
01:11:56,354 --> 01:11:57,646
in your whole life.

1088
01:11:57,814 --> 01:12:00,857
And you can't do when your kids
were born. That's too easy.

1089
01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:03,193
I got one.

1090
01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:07,114
I'm seven years old and my dad
takes me to Yankee Stadium.

1091
01:12:07,281 --> 01:12:08,699
My first game.

1092
01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:12,494
We're going in this long, dark tunnel
underneath the stands

1093
01:12:12,662 --> 01:12:17,040
and I'm holding his hand and we come
up out of the tunnel into the light.

1094
01:12:18,042 --> 01:12:22,546
It was huge. How green the grass was.
Brown dirt.

1095
01:12:23,381 --> 01:12:26,383
And that great green copper roof.
Remember?

1096
01:12:26,551 --> 01:12:30,762
We had a black-and-white TV, so this
was the first game I ever saw in color.

1097
01:12:31,431 --> 01:12:33,557
I sat there the whole game
next to my dad.

1098
01:12:33,725 --> 01:12:35,726
He taught me how to keep score.

1099
01:12:36,394 --> 01:12:38,061
Mickey hit one out.

1100
01:12:38,896 --> 01:12:41,648
- PHIL: Good day.
- And I still have the program.

1101
01:12:43,651 --> 01:12:47,154
All right, what was...
What was the worst day you ever had?

1102
01:12:48,489 --> 01:12:52,034
Worst day? A couple of years ago,
Barbara finds a lump.

1103
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:54,036
What? Jesus.

1104
01:12:54,203 --> 01:12:56,997
- Yeah. It scared the shit out of me.
- You never said anything.

1105
01:12:57,165 --> 01:12:58,832
Yeah, well, you know,
it turned out to be nothing.

1106
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,418
But that whole day was...

1107
01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:05,547
- Yeah, but that was a good day.
- How?

1108
01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:07,215
Because it turned out to be nothing.

1109
01:13:07,383 --> 01:13:10,594
Yeah, but the whole day until then
was horrible.

1110
01:13:10,762 --> 01:13:12,721
Yeah, but it came out good.

1111
01:13:12,889 --> 01:13:16,725
You're a real the-glass-is-half-empty
kind of a guy, you know that?

1112
01:13:16,893 --> 01:13:19,102
I don't know how Barbara can stand it.

1113
01:13:19,270 --> 01:13:20,479
Yeah.

1114
01:13:20,646 --> 01:13:23,023
All right. I got one. My best day.

1115
01:13:23,191 --> 01:13:25,442
This isn't the one about Arlene
and that loose step, is it?

1116
01:13:25,610 --> 01:13:28,570
- No. No, my wedding day.
- What?

1117
01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:32,449
Yeah. Remember that day?
Outdoor wedding.

1118
01:13:32,617 --> 01:13:36,787
Arlene looked great.
Those water pills really worked.

1119
01:13:36,954 --> 01:13:40,791
You guys were all smiling at me.
And my dad, in the front,

1120
01:13:42,585 --> 01:13:45,504
gives me a little wink, you know?

1121
01:13:45,671 --> 01:13:50,342
I mean, he's not the warmest of men,
but he winked.

1122
01:13:50,510 --> 01:13:53,095
You know, I was the first one of us
to get married and have a real job

1123
01:13:53,262 --> 01:13:55,806
and I remember thinking,
"I'm grown-up."

1124
01:13:56,724 --> 01:13:59,976
You know?
"I'm not a goofball anymore. I made it."

1125
01:14:01,312 --> 01:14:03,105
I felt like a man.

1126
01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:06,066
It was the best day of my life.

1127
01:14:07,860 --> 01:14:11,154
- What was your worst day?
- Every day since is a tie.

1128
01:14:11,322 --> 01:14:13,406
(ALL LAUGHING)

1129
01:14:15,326 --> 01:14:18,245
All right, Ed. Your best day.
What is it, twins and a trapeze? What?

1130
01:14:18,412 --> 01:14:20,580
- No, I don't wanna play.
- Come on, we did it.

1131
01:14:20,748 --> 01:14:22,791
I don't feel like it.

1132
01:14:22,959 --> 01:14:24,251
Okay.

1133
01:14:30,049 --> 01:14:33,176
I'm 14 and my mother and father
are fighting again.

1134
01:14:33,344 --> 01:14:36,721
You know, because she caught
him again. Caught him?

1135
01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:39,641
This time, the girl drove by the house
to pick him up.

1136
01:14:41,769 --> 01:14:45,230
And I finally realized,
he wasn't just cheating on my mother,

1137
01:14:45,398 --> 01:14:46,648
he was cheating on us.

1138
01:14:46,816 --> 01:14:52,696
So I told him. I said,
"You're bad to us. We don't love you.

1139
01:14:53,447 --> 01:14:56,908
"I'll take care of my mother and my
sister. We don't need you anymore."

1140
01:14:57,076 --> 01:15:00,704
And he made like he was gonna hit me,
but I didn't budge.

1141
01:15:00,872 --> 01:15:04,708
Then he turned around and he left.
Never bothered us again.

1142
01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:09,379
But I took care of my mother
and my sister from that day on.

1143
01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:11,173
That's my best day.

1144
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:14,342
What was your worst day?

1145
01:15:15,136 --> 01:15:16,553
Same day.

1146
01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:24,477
ED: Looks in.
He gets the sign from Berra.

1147
01:15:24,645 --> 01:15:26,438
He gets the sign from Berra. The pitch.

1148
01:15:26,606 --> 01:15:28,440
(ALL EXCLAIM)

1149
01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:43,330
MITCH: (SINGING)
♪ Rolling, rolling, rolling

1150
01:15:43,497 --> 01:15:45,248
♪ Keep them doggies rolling

1151
01:15:45,416 --> 01:15:46,833
♪ Man, my ass is swollen

1152
01:15:47,001 --> 01:15:49,169
♪ Rawhide!

1153
01:15:49,337 --> 01:15:51,129
♪ Get them up, move them out,
wake them up, get them dressed

1154
01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:53,215
♪ Get them shaved,
comb their hair, rawhide

1155
01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:55,842
♪ Tie me down, tell me lies,
pull my hair, smack my thighs

1156
01:15:56,010 --> 01:16:00,513
♪ With a big wet strap of rawhide ♪

1157
01:16:11,525 --> 01:16:12,817
(URGING HORSES)

1158
01:16:13,694 --> 01:16:15,278
What is he doing?

1159
01:16:15,446 --> 01:16:16,571
(EXCLAIMING)

1160
01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:17,822
(LAUGHING)

1161
01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:19,783
Whoa, boy!

1162
01:16:19,951 --> 01:16:21,451
He's drunk, the old shithead.

1163
01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:24,621
- Where'd he get the liquor?
- How do I know that?

1164
01:16:24,789 --> 01:16:26,957
God damn it,
we better get him out of there.

1165
01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:32,379
Is that a happy face?

1166
01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:34,130
(LAUGHING)

1167
01:16:34,548 --> 01:16:35,799
He's nuts.

1168
01:16:37,635 --> 01:16:39,594
Stop! Get him, Jeff!

1169
01:16:39,762 --> 01:16:41,221
Cookie!

1170
01:16:41,389 --> 01:16:43,807
- He's throwing our food.
- Well, we'll...

1171
01:16:43,975 --> 01:16:45,767
We'll what? We'll order out?

1172
01:16:55,319 --> 01:16:57,654
- He's headed for the ravine.
- I'm sure he sees it.

1173
01:17:00,741 --> 01:17:01,783
(SCREAMS)

1174
01:17:01,951 --> 01:17:03,285
- Jump!
- Jump!

1175
01:17:09,834 --> 01:17:11,167
(CRASHING)

1176
01:17:16,799 --> 01:17:19,217
MITCH: What can you say
about Skyrocket and Buttercup?

1177
01:17:19,385 --> 01:17:20,802
Don't say anything.
Let's just get out of here.

1178
01:17:20,970 --> 01:17:23,638
Wait, let's just recap
what we've buried so far on this trip.

1179
01:17:23,806 --> 01:17:27,267
- Trail boss, two horses...
- I can't believe we buried horses.

1180
01:17:27,435 --> 01:17:29,352
Well, the impact really drove them
into the ground.

1181
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:31,855
We just covered them up with some dirt.

1182
01:17:32,690 --> 01:17:34,524
How we gonna move
the food and the tents?

1183
01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:36,026
The tents roll up.

1184
01:17:36,193 --> 01:17:39,696
We can pack enough food
in our saddlebags to get us there.

1185
01:17:39,864 --> 01:17:41,489
Okay. Let's do it.

1186
01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:45,618
The problem is Cookie.
Let's not forget his legs are broken.

1187
01:17:45,786 --> 01:17:47,871
Oh, God, they're gonna shoot him.
I know it, they're gonna shoot him.

1188
01:17:48,039 --> 01:17:51,541
Now, we put Cookie on this litter
so we could get him out of here.

1189
01:17:51,709 --> 01:17:55,128
Both me and T.R. Are gonna stay
with you all and the herd.

1190
01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:58,298
We're gonna be hitting
some pretty rough mountain country.

1191
01:17:58,466 --> 01:18:02,719
There's a town, it's about half a day's
ride out of here. I can draw a map.

1192
01:18:02,887 --> 01:18:06,806
Somebody's gotta take Cookie.
Volunteers?

1193
01:18:12,938 --> 01:18:16,566
- I guess Steve and I should go.
- Why?

1194
01:18:16,734 --> 01:18:18,860
Because he's injured
and we have medical training.

1195
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:19,986
Dad, but we're dentists!

1196
01:18:20,154 --> 01:18:21,571
I mean, what are we gonna do,
give him a cleaning?

1197
01:18:21,739 --> 01:18:24,574
We have a better chance
of helping him than anyone, son.

1198
01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:28,119
- But you're having fun.
- Ride with me.

1199
01:18:28,412 --> 01:18:30,872
It will still be fun. Huh?

1200
01:18:33,376 --> 01:18:34,751
That's really great of you, Ben, Steve.

1201
01:18:34,919 --> 01:18:36,669
- BONNIE: Thanks a lot, that's great.
- MITCH: Thank you.

1202
01:18:36,837 --> 01:18:38,254
- Thanks, Ben.
- Good luck.

1203
01:18:38,422 --> 01:18:41,674
- Thank you, Dr. Jessup.
- We would have gone, but...

1204
01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:44,177
Good. I'll make up that map.

1205
01:18:45,429 --> 01:18:48,640
Hey, look! I found
where Cookie was hiding his whiskey.

1206
01:18:48,808 --> 01:18:50,892
- You old coot.
- Hey, Jeff!

1207
01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:53,436
(COWBOYS WHOOPING)

1208
01:18:53,604 --> 01:18:55,105
Shouldn't we do something?

1209
01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:57,732
Let them have their fun,
then they'll sleep it off.

1210
01:18:57,900 --> 01:18:58,942
Swig.

1211
01:19:00,611 --> 01:19:02,821
I knew it.
I knew we couldn't trust these guys.

1212
01:19:02,988 --> 01:19:06,282
I said, "Tennis camp."
You said, "Let's drive cattle."

1213
01:19:06,450 --> 01:19:08,785
Wait a minute. I got an idea.

1214
01:19:10,788 --> 01:19:12,288
(GUN FIRES)

1215
01:19:12,456 --> 01:19:14,416
- Look at this.
- T. R: Norman.

1216
01:19:15,835 --> 01:19:17,168
Norman.

1217
01:19:17,837 --> 01:19:19,045
What are they doing with Norman?

1218
01:19:19,213 --> 01:19:23,716
Mitchy! Mitchy, come on out and play.

1219
01:19:23,884 --> 01:19:26,886
- Don't go out there.
- What do you think, I'm nuts?

1220
01:19:28,931 --> 01:19:32,642
T. R: Mitch, do you like calf brains?

1221
01:19:34,311 --> 01:19:35,979
ED: This is over a cow.

1222
01:19:36,147 --> 01:19:37,897
T. R: Here's your last chance.

1223
01:19:38,065 --> 01:19:40,108
They're not gonna hurt me.
There's too many witnesses.

1224
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:42,068
Please be careful.

1225
01:19:42,236 --> 01:19:45,363
They're just gonna embarrass me,
so I'll let them.

1226
01:19:49,785 --> 01:19:52,745
Norman, have you been
bothering the cowboys again?

1227
01:19:53,664 --> 01:19:56,666
You know, you raise them,
you try to teach them right from wrong,

1228
01:19:56,834 --> 01:19:58,168
but they learn these things
from their friends.

1229
01:19:58,335 --> 01:19:59,836
I mean, it's the school systems.

1230
01:20:05,759 --> 01:20:07,010
You're grounded, mister.

1231
01:20:09,555 --> 01:20:11,556
These cows today, huh?

1232
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,978
You pansy-assed bastard.

1233
01:20:17,855 --> 01:20:22,525
- Are you talking to me or Norman?
- You shit-nosed little faggot.

1234
01:20:22,693 --> 01:20:24,110
Oh, me?

1235
01:20:25,946 --> 01:20:30,074
Listen, guys, we have a group of people
here who came out for a good time,

1236
01:20:30,242 --> 01:20:33,703
and to say the least,
it's been a little bit strange.

1237
01:20:35,456 --> 01:20:37,957
But we're counting on you
to get us through this.

1238
01:20:38,125 --> 01:20:40,043
So I'm asking you, please,

1239
01:20:40,211 --> 01:20:43,213
why don't you just go
and sleep it off, huh?

1240
01:20:44,131 --> 01:20:45,757
Sleep this off.

1241
01:20:53,057 --> 01:20:54,390
Yee-haw!

1242
01:21:05,778 --> 01:21:09,656
Put the gun down!
Put down the goddamn gun!

1243
01:21:14,411 --> 01:21:16,246
- Phil.
- I'm not going to let him

1244
01:21:16,413 --> 01:21:17,872
bully us anymore.

1245
01:21:18,749 --> 01:21:20,875
- My father-in-law's a bully.
- MITCH: Phil.

1246
01:21:21,043 --> 01:21:22,877
I hate bullies!

1247
01:21:24,797 --> 01:21:27,590
'Cause a bully doesn't just beat you up.

1248
01:21:28,092 --> 01:21:30,843
- He takes away your dignity.
- Phil!

1249
01:21:31,011 --> 01:21:32,637
I hate that.

1250
01:21:33,430 --> 01:21:35,557
I really hate that.

1251
01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:36,724
(EXCLAIMS)

1252
01:21:38,852 --> 01:21:40,603
Sorry.

1253
01:21:44,108 --> 01:21:45,275
Bang!

1254
01:21:50,364 --> 01:21:53,283
All right, you two assholes,
go sleep it off.

1255
01:21:58,706 --> 01:22:02,875
And let's have some peace and quiet
around here for Christ's sakes!

1256
01:22:04,628 --> 01:22:07,630
I'm tired!
I've been under a lot of stress.

1257
01:22:09,300 --> 01:22:12,302
I lost my wife. I lost my job.

1258
01:22:14,138 --> 01:22:17,765
And I've got some sort of rash
from making in the bushes.

1259
01:22:24,648 --> 01:22:26,649
- ED: Are you okay?
- Yeah.

1260
01:22:40,914 --> 01:22:43,333
Phil, thanks. That was amazing.

1261
01:22:45,002 --> 01:22:47,462
- What?
- You know...

1262
01:22:48,714 --> 01:22:51,633
Oh, that. Yeah.

1263
01:22:53,844 --> 01:22:56,638
Why don't you put the gun down, Phil?

1264
01:22:56,805 --> 01:22:59,932
Oh, no, you don't have to worry.
I know how to handle a gun.

1265
01:23:00,392 --> 01:23:02,685
I used to keep one at the store.

1266
01:23:02,853 --> 01:23:07,023
You know, you lock up late at night,
there's a lot of cash around.

1267
01:23:08,859 --> 01:23:12,737
You got to make sure
that the register totals match the cash

1268
01:23:13,614 --> 01:23:16,032
and checks and the coupons

1269
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:18,993
and then you got the order forms
to fill out for the next day.

1270
01:23:19,161 --> 01:23:23,289
You've got to check the stock.
I mean, there's a lot to do there.

1271
01:23:23,457 --> 01:23:26,501
It's a very responsible job.

1272
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:34,759
Oh, Christ.

1273
01:23:37,471 --> 01:23:40,682
Phil. Come on, Philly.

1274
01:23:40,849 --> 01:23:43,226
Come on, man. It's not that bad.

1275
01:23:43,394 --> 01:23:47,605
PHIL: I'm at a dead end. I'm almost
40 years old. I've wasted my life.

1276
01:23:48,273 --> 01:23:51,734
Yeah, but now you got a chance
to start over. You know?

1277
01:23:54,780 --> 01:23:57,949
Phil, remember when we were kids?

1278
01:23:58,117 --> 01:23:59,117
And we'd be playing ball

1279
01:23:59,284 --> 01:24:01,744
and the ball would get stuck up
in a tree or something?

1280
01:24:01,912 --> 01:24:04,580
- And we'd yell, "Do over!" Huh?
- Yeah.

1281
01:24:05,749 --> 01:24:09,794
Your life is a do over.
You got a clean slate.

1282
01:24:10,921 --> 01:24:12,964
I got no place to live.

1283
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:17,760
I'm going to get wiped out in the
divorce 'cause I committed adultery.

1284
01:24:18,804 --> 01:24:21,305
So I may never even see my kids again.

1285
01:24:22,725 --> 01:24:23,933
I'm alone.

1286
01:24:27,104 --> 01:24:28,771
How's that slate look now?

1287
01:24:31,567 --> 01:24:33,943
Well, the fun continues.

1288
01:24:34,111 --> 01:24:35,778
- They're gone.
- Who?

1289
01:24:35,946 --> 01:24:38,448
Jeff and T.R. They skedaddled.

1290
01:24:40,284 --> 01:24:42,660
They jumped on their horses
and took off.

1291
01:24:42,828 --> 01:24:44,328
They probably thought
we'd get them in trouble.

1292
01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:45,455
Which we would.

1293
01:24:45,622 --> 01:24:48,624
Does anybody know
how to get where we're going?

1294
01:24:50,461 --> 01:24:51,878
So we're talking death?

1295
01:24:52,045 --> 01:24:54,046
No, wait,
won't Ben and Steve send some help?

1296
01:24:54,214 --> 01:24:58,050
Maybe they won't. I mean, when they
left, we were still pretty much okay.

1297
01:24:58,218 --> 01:25:00,970
- Still, they might.
- "Might"?

1298
01:25:01,138 --> 01:25:03,639
We're hanging our lives on "might."

1299
01:25:03,807 --> 01:25:07,143
Let's not get hysterical here, okay?
Calm down.

1300
01:25:08,187 --> 01:25:11,314
Now, for four days,
we've been going in this direction.

1301
01:25:11,482 --> 01:25:12,899
I think we keep
going in that direction.

1302
01:25:13,066 --> 01:25:14,484
Isn't that a little vague?

1303
01:25:15,486 --> 01:25:18,321
Curly said there was
a river and a valley.

1304
01:25:18,489 --> 01:25:20,031
We'll just have to do the best we can.

1305
01:25:20,199 --> 01:25:22,450
So you're saying we can drive this herd?

1306
01:25:22,618 --> 01:25:25,536
Herd? Are you delirious?

1307
01:25:25,704 --> 01:25:29,749
We leave the herd.
We'll go 10 times as fast without them.

1308
01:25:30,501 --> 01:25:33,586
Well, yeah. But there's no pasture land
up here. There's no water.

1309
01:25:33,754 --> 01:25:35,671
I don't think they can survive up here.

1310
01:25:35,839 --> 01:25:39,175
Well, not to sound cold-hearted,
but so-the-hell-what?

1311
01:25:40,010 --> 01:25:42,220
No, I mean, they give us
a trail boss with a coronary,

1312
01:25:42,387 --> 01:25:43,638
they give us a bunch of drunks,

1313
01:25:43,806 --> 01:25:46,182
and we're supposed
to worry about the cattle?

1314
01:25:46,350 --> 01:25:50,019
- You're a nicer person than I am.
- No, you're right.

1315
01:25:51,146 --> 01:25:53,314
Look, the rest of you go ahead.
I'll drive the herd.

1316
01:25:53,482 --> 01:25:55,775
- What are you talking about?
- I'm saying I think

1317
01:25:55,943 --> 01:25:59,570
- I can bring in the herd.
- No, you can't. What, are you crazy?

1318
01:25:59,738 --> 01:26:02,365
You couldn't even manage your stores.
You had to bring in your cousin.

1319
01:26:02,533 --> 01:26:06,035
Mitch, you were right
about all the weekend warrior shit.

1320
01:26:06,203 --> 01:26:09,539
The war games, the parachuting.
That was all bullshit.

1321
01:26:09,706 --> 01:26:11,707
But this is real.
This is really happening.

1322
01:26:11,875 --> 01:26:15,294
No rules, no games. Just, "Can I do it?"

1323
01:26:15,462 --> 01:26:18,965
It is a game. It's your regular game,
Ed. Don't you see it?

1324
01:26:19,132 --> 01:26:22,885
"Am I better than my father?"
Well, you are. Okay?

1325
01:26:23,053 --> 01:26:25,721
- Look, I need to do this.
- It's impossible.

1326
01:26:25,889 --> 01:26:27,223
I'll do it with you.

1327
01:26:29,726 --> 01:26:34,522
Phil. Phil, you have, like,
a day's worth of food and water left.

1328
01:26:34,690 --> 01:26:35,773
- We'll be all right.
- Maybe you won't.

1329
01:26:35,941 --> 01:26:37,483
Well, maybe we will, Mitch.

1330
01:26:37,651 --> 01:26:38,985
Why don't you just accept that maybe

1331
01:26:39,152 --> 01:26:40,194
you don't know what
we're going through?

1332
01:26:40,362 --> 01:26:42,697
I know exactly
what you're going through.

1333
01:26:42,865 --> 01:26:44,198
And you think that bringing in this herd

1334
01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:47,410
is gonna make all the broken pieces
of your life come together?

1335
01:26:47,578 --> 01:26:50,246
Hey, you don't want to do it,
don't do it. We want to do it.

1336
01:26:50,414 --> 01:26:51,998
- I'm not doing it.
- Don't do it.

1337
01:26:52,165 --> 01:26:53,583
I'm not asking you to do it.

1338
01:26:53,750 --> 01:26:56,669
You have been talking me into
doing stuff like this my whole life,

1339
01:26:56,837 --> 01:26:58,588
and I am not doing this!

1340
01:26:58,755 --> 01:27:01,340
What, are you deaf?
I'm not asking you to do it.

1341
01:27:01,508 --> 01:27:02,884
Great!

1342
01:27:04,094 --> 01:27:06,137
Come on, Phil.

1343
01:27:10,267 --> 01:27:11,851
It's crazy.

1344
01:27:35,834 --> 01:27:40,129
We'll ride out together tomorrow
morning, without the herd.

1345
01:27:42,424 --> 01:27:44,717
They can do whatever they want.

1346
01:28:03,445 --> 01:28:06,030
Come on. We've got cattle to move.

1347
01:28:10,369 --> 01:28:13,663
- PHIL: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ED: What are you doing?

1348
01:28:13,830 --> 01:28:15,665
- I'm not listening to you!
- Fine, listen to the cows, then.

1349
01:28:15,832 --> 01:28:17,667
- Goddamn cattle drive!
- Just do yourjob!

1350
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:19,669
Don't tell me.
I'm not listening to you anymore.

1351
01:28:19,836 --> 01:28:21,754
- Listen to the cows!
- Come on, you damn little doggies!

1352
01:28:21,922 --> 01:28:22,922
- Move it!
- Come on, let's go!

1353
01:28:23,090 --> 01:28:26,342
Hey, stop that! Cut that out!

1354
01:28:26,510 --> 01:28:27,510
Phil, what are you doing?

1355
01:28:27,678 --> 01:28:30,012
They're not cooperating.
This is like herding my children.

1356
01:28:30,180 --> 01:28:33,140
- You take those. I'll take these.
- Hey, hey, come back here!

1357
01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:34,517
(PHIL WHISTLES)

1358
01:28:34,851 --> 01:28:37,561
Hey! Stop! Stop it!

1359
01:28:38,021 --> 01:28:39,855
Stop! Get back here!

1360
01:28:40,023 --> 01:28:42,817
The hell with you.
Who needs you, anyway?

1361
01:28:44,653 --> 01:28:45,903
(COWS MOOING)

1362
01:28:49,116 --> 01:28:50,700
What the...

1363
01:28:52,077 --> 01:28:53,869
How did I do that?

1364
01:28:57,332 --> 01:28:58,541
Hey, Mitch!

1365
01:29:03,797 --> 01:29:06,799
It's Mitch! Mitchy the Kid!

1366
01:29:06,967 --> 01:29:09,969
Curly said there's nothing
like bringing in the herd.

1367
01:29:22,232 --> 01:29:24,066
Nice hat, partner.

1368
01:29:26,862 --> 01:29:29,697
- ED: Come on.
- MITCH: Hey, there's my little man.

1369
01:29:29,865 --> 01:29:33,284
Sorry I was late,
but there was so much traffic. Let's go.

1370
01:29:39,875 --> 01:29:42,209
MITCH: There's nothing to be
ashamed of. I had the same problem.

1371
01:29:42,377 --> 01:29:44,795
PHIL: Didn't you feel stupid? I mean...

1372
01:29:44,963 --> 01:29:47,715
Didn't you feel inadequate?

1373
01:29:47,883 --> 01:29:50,843
Yeah, for a while.
But then I overcame it.

1374
01:29:51,261 --> 01:29:52,344
Can I explain it you again?

1375
01:29:52,512 --> 01:29:54,680
I mean, promise me you won't get upset.

1376
01:29:54,848 --> 01:29:58,476
Okay. It's not going to do any good.

1377
01:29:58,643 --> 01:30:01,103
Okay. If you want to watch one show,

1378
01:30:01,271 --> 01:30:03,105
but record another show
at the same time,

1379
01:30:03,273 --> 01:30:05,399
the television set does not
have to be on channel three.

1380
01:30:05,567 --> 01:30:06,984
- It does. It does.
- No, it doesn't.

1381
01:30:07,152 --> 01:30:08,611
No. If you're watching
what you're recording,

1382
01:30:08,779 --> 01:30:09,779
then it has to be on three.

1383
01:30:09,946 --> 01:30:13,574
- The TV or the machine?
- The TV.

1384
01:30:13,742 --> 01:30:15,785
You're saying I can record something
I'm not even watching?

1385
01:30:15,952 --> 01:30:19,121
Yes, that's the point.
You don't even need a TV to record.

1386
01:30:19,289 --> 01:30:21,624
- How would I see it?
- Well, to see it, you need a TV, but...

1387
01:30:21,792 --> 01:30:25,294
Shut up. Just shut up.
He doesn't get it!

1388
01:30:25,462 --> 01:30:27,963
He'll never get it.
It's been four hours.

1389
01:30:28,131 --> 01:30:29,882
The cows can tape something by now.

1390
01:30:30,050 --> 01:30:32,510
Forget about it, please!

1391
01:30:34,888 --> 01:30:38,140
- How do you do the clock?
- You're dead. You are dead!

1392
01:30:38,892 --> 01:30:40,142
(ALL LAUGHING)

1393
01:30:55,826 --> 01:30:57,827
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

1394
01:31:00,997 --> 01:31:02,665
(URGING HORSES)

1395
01:31:03,667 --> 01:31:06,585
Let's go! Come on, Norman!
Keep up, boy! Keep up!

1396
01:31:06,753 --> 01:31:10,339
Norman, stay with the class.
Come on, boy!

1397
01:31:10,507 --> 01:31:12,341
Oh, shit.

1398
01:31:12,509 --> 01:31:15,010
- What do we do now?
- Like I should know?

1399
01:31:15,178 --> 01:31:19,265
- Come on, let's keep the herd together.
- Yeah, let's go. Norman, hello!

1400
01:31:19,432 --> 01:31:23,602
Let's go, Norman. Norman,
what are you, Gene Kelly? Let's go.

1401
01:31:23,812 --> 01:31:25,396
(COWS MOOING)

1402
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:39,368
Whoa! Whoa! Easy, boy!
Whoa! Easy, boy!

1403
01:31:41,496 --> 01:31:44,165
Move it! Go! Go!

1404
01:31:54,217 --> 01:31:56,218
We're doing great, guys.
We're driving them.

1405
01:31:56,386 --> 01:31:59,680
That's perfect.
We're lost, but we're making good time.

1406
01:31:59,848 --> 01:32:02,725
This is the way, guys. I can feel it.

1407
01:32:20,368 --> 01:32:22,953
- Is there a way around?
- That could be 100 miles.

1408
01:32:23,121 --> 01:32:26,207
- It could take days.
- Is this supposed to be here?

1409
01:32:26,374 --> 01:32:29,251
There's probably an easy place to cross
but we missed it.

1410
01:32:29,419 --> 01:32:33,005
- This could be the easy place!
- Oh, God.

1411
01:32:33,173 --> 01:32:35,591
Look. We did the best we could.

1412
01:32:35,759 --> 01:32:38,052
Let's just leave the herd
and get the hell out of here, huh?

1413
01:32:38,220 --> 01:32:41,764
No. A cowboy doesn't leave his herd.

1414
01:32:41,932 --> 01:32:45,059
You are a sporting goods salesman!

1415
01:32:47,187 --> 01:32:48,437
Not today.

1416
01:32:54,277 --> 01:32:57,613
ED: Easy. Okay. I'm gonna lean back.

1417
01:32:58,198 --> 01:33:01,742
I started this,
and I'm going to finish it.

1418
01:33:01,910 --> 01:33:03,953
I'm going to finish it.

1419
01:33:11,253 --> 01:33:15,005
It's fast, but it's not deep.
Come on, bring them down.

1420
01:33:16,299 --> 01:33:19,093
Come on! Let's go!

1421
01:33:24,808 --> 01:33:25,975
Oh, God.

1422
01:33:27,102 --> 01:33:28,811
(ED URGING COWS)

1423
01:33:50,250 --> 01:33:53,168
Come on, move! Move it! Come on!

1424
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:58,757
ED: Move it! Move it!

1425
01:34:00,552 --> 01:34:02,011
Move it, cow. Come on!

1426
01:34:04,639 --> 01:34:05,639
Whoa!

1427
01:34:07,809 --> 01:34:08,851
Shit!

1428
01:34:11,396 --> 01:34:14,481
PHIL: Come on! Hey, get over there!
Get over there!

1429
01:34:24,868 --> 01:34:28,620
Come on, boys! Come on, now.
Move it! Moo, cow!

1430
01:34:28,788 --> 01:34:30,706
Go, baby! Go, baby!

1431
01:34:30,874 --> 01:34:35,711
Hey, Phil. I'm 39 and I'm
saying "moo cow" in a river.

1432
01:34:35,879 --> 01:34:36,879
Do you believe this?

1433
01:34:37,047 --> 01:34:38,005
(LAUGHING)

1434
01:34:38,173 --> 01:34:40,466
- We did it!
- Hey!

1435
01:35:01,946 --> 01:35:02,946
PHIL: Here we go!

1436
01:35:03,114 --> 01:35:04,239
(NORMAN MEWLING)

1437
01:35:08,411 --> 01:35:09,828
Norman!

1438
01:35:11,915 --> 01:35:13,207
Oh, God.

1439
01:35:13,750 --> 01:35:16,335
(MEWLING)

1440
01:35:22,425 --> 01:35:23,759
(URGING HORSE)

1441
01:35:47,867 --> 01:35:49,535
Whoa!

1442
01:35:58,920 --> 01:36:04,133
Norman!

1443
01:36:06,761 --> 01:36:09,304
Norman! Norman!

1444
01:36:10,598 --> 01:36:11,890
Norman!

1445
01:36:15,770 --> 01:36:18,480
Got you. Help!

1446
01:36:18,648 --> 01:36:20,566
Oh, my God. Mitch!

1447
01:36:20,733 --> 01:36:23,777
- Hey, Ed!
- Help! Help me!

1448
01:36:26,906 --> 01:36:28,157
Oh, no!

1449
01:36:33,705 --> 01:36:34,705
Mitch!

1450
01:36:42,297 --> 01:36:43,297
Norman!

1451
01:36:46,009 --> 01:36:47,009
(GROANS)

1452
01:36:52,932 --> 01:36:54,349
Oh, shit!

1453
01:37:25,048 --> 01:37:26,173
(MITCH YELLING)

1454
01:37:28,384 --> 01:37:32,387
I'm coming!

1455
01:37:35,850 --> 01:37:37,226
(YELLING)

1456
01:37:37,393 --> 01:37:38,894
- Help.
- I got you! I got you!

1457
01:37:40,021 --> 01:37:44,483
Come on! Come on! Come on!

1458
01:37:44,651 --> 01:37:46,693
(BOTH SCREAM)

1459
01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:50,405
I've got you. I've got you.

1460
01:38:01,793 --> 01:38:04,711
PHIL: Give me your hand!
Give me your hand!

1461
01:38:10,426 --> 01:38:12,010
(LAUGHING)

1462
01:38:12,178 --> 01:38:15,847
You're crazy.
You talk about me, but you're crazy.

1463
01:38:17,642 --> 01:38:21,103
- You could have been killed!
- We almost lost you, pal.

1464
01:38:30,363 --> 01:38:31,738
Nice catch.

1465
01:38:33,783 --> 01:38:37,119
It was like Mays
in the '54 World Series.

1466
01:38:37,287 --> 01:38:39,037
- Vic Wertz.
- Vic Wertz.

1467
01:38:50,967 --> 01:38:52,467
(CHUCKLING)

1468
01:38:52,635 --> 01:38:53,885
(LAUGHING)

1469
01:38:56,472 --> 01:38:57,806
(ALL LAUGHING)

1470
01:39:52,528 --> 01:39:53,862
(NORMAN MOOING)

1471
01:39:56,783 --> 01:39:57,866
Let's bring them in.

1472
01:39:58,034 --> 01:39:59,034
Yee-haw!

1473
01:39:59,202 --> 01:40:00,285
(ALL WHOOPING)

1474
01:40:09,379 --> 01:40:11,630
Great gobs of gooseshit!

1475
01:40:12,548 --> 01:40:15,634
It's them! Ira! Ira! Camera! Camera!

1476
01:40:17,845 --> 01:40:18,970
Yeah!

1477
01:40:19,681 --> 01:40:22,307
(MITCH SINGING THEME
FROM BONANZA)

1478
01:40:22,475 --> 01:40:24,851
(ALL SINGING)

1479
01:41:02,432 --> 01:41:05,183
(LAUGHING)

1480
01:41:06,102 --> 01:41:07,352
(WHOOPING)

1481
01:41:19,824 --> 01:41:21,408
Yeah!

1482
01:41:27,123 --> 01:41:28,457
(ALL CHEERING)

1483
01:41:31,377 --> 01:41:32,461
Yahoo!

1484
01:41:32,879 --> 01:41:34,337
Get out the drinks!

1485
01:41:38,342 --> 01:41:40,135
Way to go, guys.

1486
01:41:42,597 --> 01:41:45,140
- Hi.
- Hi.

1487
01:41:46,684 --> 01:41:47,684
CLAY: All right!

1488
01:41:48,644 --> 01:41:50,145
MILLIE: You did great.

1489
01:41:51,606 --> 01:41:53,565
Oh, Lordy, Lord, Lord.

1490
01:41:55,860 --> 01:41:57,486
(SIGHS)

1491
01:41:57,653 --> 01:41:58,779
Here's your herd.

1492
01:41:58,946 --> 01:42:01,990
I'm telling you,
I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters.

1493
01:42:02,158 --> 01:42:04,117
We had a search party out
looking for you boys.

1494
01:42:04,285 --> 01:42:08,288
- ED: They didn't find us.
- Un-by-God-believable.

1495
01:42:08,456 --> 01:42:10,582
Bunch of tenderfeet
bringing in a herd like that.

1496
01:42:10,750 --> 01:42:14,503
Two weeks ago, you boys were as
worthless as hen shit on a pump handle.

1497
01:42:14,670 --> 01:42:16,296
And look at you now!

1498
01:42:16,464 --> 01:42:20,217
I'm giving your money back!
This one's on me.

1499
01:42:20,384 --> 01:42:21,718
Now you're talking, Clay.

1500
01:42:21,886 --> 01:42:22,844
- Hey.
- That's right.

1501
01:42:23,012 --> 01:42:26,598
Instead of the money, you think
that my dad and I could come back

1502
01:42:26,766 --> 01:42:28,350
and take the cattle
back to New Mexico?

1503
01:42:28,518 --> 01:42:29,518
Really, son?

1504
01:42:30,353 --> 01:42:31,603
Ordinarily, that'd be great,

1505
01:42:31,771 --> 01:42:35,023
- but this herd's not going back.
- What do you mean?

1506
01:42:35,191 --> 01:42:38,485
I'm getting top dollar
from the meat company.

1507
01:42:39,278 --> 01:42:40,862
You mean these cows are...

1508
01:42:41,030 --> 01:42:42,948
I thought you just moved them
back and forth?

1509
01:42:43,115 --> 01:42:47,118
Usually do, but prices are sky high,
and I can't pass it up.

1510
01:42:52,959 --> 01:42:56,044
Look, folks, it's not like
any of them have a lot to live for.

1511
01:42:56,212 --> 01:42:58,713
They don't have much of a life, anyway.

1512
01:42:58,881 --> 01:43:00,841
Neither does Phil,
but we're not prepared to eat him.

1513
01:43:01,008 --> 01:43:02,467
That's right.

1514
01:43:02,635 --> 01:43:06,680
This is our business, son.
This is not an endangered species.

1515
01:43:08,391 --> 01:43:10,225
It's what these animals are bred for.

1516
01:43:10,393 --> 01:43:12,769
All that meat under cellophane
in the supermarket,

1517
01:43:12,937 --> 01:43:14,646
where do you think that comes from?

1518
01:43:14,814 --> 01:43:17,190
Come on, fellows, just relax.

1519
01:43:17,358 --> 01:43:19,693
You done real good, cowboys.

1520
01:43:19,861 --> 01:43:22,362
Let's get some grub.

1521
01:43:22,530 --> 01:43:25,740
Bet you guys could use a nap?

1522
01:43:26,409 --> 01:43:27,576
BARRY: They look dirty.

1523
01:43:27,743 --> 01:43:31,371
- BEN: Did you mean that, son?
- STEVE: Yeah, we'll come back.

1524
01:43:39,046 --> 01:43:41,464
These cows trusted us.

1525
01:43:41,632 --> 01:43:44,926
They trusted us?
They don't even know us!

1526
01:43:45,094 --> 01:43:47,721
They followed us
because we yelled "Yah!"

1527
01:43:47,889 --> 01:43:49,681
They're cattle.

1528
01:44:41,817 --> 01:44:42,984
What?

1529
01:45:21,273 --> 01:45:23,775
PHIL: I've got to stop being a schmuck.

1530
01:45:24,694 --> 01:45:28,655
You know, you were right, Mitch.
My life is a "do over."

1531
01:45:30,741 --> 01:45:32,200
It's time to get started.

1532
01:45:33,577 --> 01:45:35,578
I hope I can help.

1533
01:45:37,707 --> 01:45:42,043
I'm going to go home
and I'm going to get Kim pregnant.

1534
01:45:42,211 --> 01:45:45,714
- I hope I can help.
- Mitchy the Kid's in trouble.

1535
01:45:48,968 --> 01:45:50,677
What about you?

1536
01:45:51,721 --> 01:45:55,432
- You going to be okay?
- Yeah. 'Cause I know what he meant.

1537
01:45:55,766 --> 01:45:58,893
- Who?
- Curly. I know what this is.

1538
01:45:59,061 --> 01:46:01,396
- What?
- That's what you have to figure out.

1539
01:46:01,564 --> 01:46:03,898
- I'm going to deck you, pal.
- No, that's what it is.

1540
01:46:04,066 --> 01:46:07,819
It's something different for everybody.
It's whatever's most important to you.

1541
01:46:07,987 --> 01:46:12,323
For me, when I was in the river,
I was only thinking about one thing.

1542
01:46:12,491 --> 01:46:14,951
All that other stuffjust went away.

1543
01:46:15,119 --> 01:46:17,328
Only one thing really mattered to me.

1544
01:46:18,622 --> 01:46:21,207
- Dad!
- Daddy, you're home!

1545
01:46:25,713 --> 01:46:27,422
HOLLY: I love you.

1546
01:46:28,841 --> 01:46:30,759
These faces. I missed these faces.

1547
01:46:30,926 --> 01:46:34,471
- We missed you too, Dad.
- It's no fun without you.

1548
01:46:34,638 --> 01:46:36,514
Hey, buckaroos.

1549
01:46:38,100 --> 01:46:40,727
- Next year, the North Pole.
- What?

1550
01:46:40,895 --> 01:46:43,938
We hire dog sleds and we follow
the same route as Admiral Byrd.

1551
01:46:44,106 --> 01:46:45,398
Uh-huh.

1552
01:46:45,566 --> 01:46:48,276
Next Tuesday, coffee and cake.

1553
01:46:48,444 --> 01:46:50,779
Better. Come here.

1554
01:46:55,618 --> 01:46:57,702
Hey, Phil! You need a ride?

1555
01:46:57,870 --> 01:46:59,871
No, thanks. I got a cab.

1556
01:47:15,805 --> 01:47:20,350
- So, how are you?
- Good. Things are good.

1557
01:47:20,518 --> 01:47:22,352
Look what I found.

1558
01:47:24,105 --> 01:47:27,148
That's nice. Where was it?

1559
01:47:27,316 --> 01:47:30,777
Colorado. I mean, it's always
the last place you look.

1560
01:47:32,696 --> 01:47:35,281
Mitch, I've been thinking.

1561
01:47:35,658 --> 01:47:38,493
If you really hate yourjob,
why don't you get out of there?

1562
01:47:38,661 --> 01:47:40,537
We'll be all right.

1563
01:47:40,704 --> 01:47:43,039
No. I'm not going to quit my job.

1564
01:47:43,207 --> 01:47:46,543
I'm just going to do it better.
I'm going to do everything better.

1565
01:47:47,878 --> 01:47:49,546
Everything?

1566
01:48:05,855 --> 01:48:07,647
See?

1567
01:48:08,315 --> 01:48:10,859
- I missed you.
- I missed you, too.

1568
01:48:12,153 --> 01:48:13,319
Let's go home.

1569
01:48:14,071 --> 01:48:17,115
Today is my best day.

1570
01:48:22,580 --> 01:48:24,622
Mr. Robbins?

1571
01:48:24,790 --> 01:48:26,499
Yeah, right here.

1572
01:48:27,877 --> 01:48:29,377
This is great.

1573
01:48:30,880 --> 01:48:32,839
- There you go.
- Thanks.

1574
01:48:33,799 --> 01:48:36,634
- What, did you get a dog?
- We got a dog?

1575
01:48:36,802 --> 01:48:39,387
- All right!
- Come on, little man.

1576
01:48:42,391 --> 01:48:45,059
Everyone, this is Norman.

1577
01:48:47,229 --> 01:48:48,479
It's a cow.

1578
01:48:49,899 --> 01:48:51,816
He's a calf, actually.

1579
01:48:51,984 --> 01:48:55,737
Mitch! You're going
to put him in the van?

1580
01:48:55,905 --> 01:48:57,739
Oh, yeah! And then the den.

1581
01:48:57,907 --> 01:48:59,699
Mitch, you're not
going to take him home.

1582
01:48:59,867 --> 01:49:01,534
See, kids, he just said hello.

1583
01:49:01,702 --> 01:49:02,660
(KIDS LAUGH)

1584
01:49:02,828 --> 01:49:04,662
Well, just for a little while.

1585
01:49:04,830 --> 01:49:07,624
Then we'll put him in a petting zoo,
so he can be with your mother.

1586
01:49:07,791 --> 01:49:09,250
Mitch!

1587
01:49:10,920 --> 01:49:13,379
I'm kidding! I'm just kidding.

1588
01:49:17,009 --> 01:49:18,134
All right.

1589
01:49:19,678 --> 01:49:22,764
- Okay, seat belts, Norman. Seat belts.
- Mitch!

1590
01:49:22,932 --> 01:49:26,100
I hope you went to the bathroom, mister.
We got a long ride.

1591
01:49:26,268 --> 01:49:28,311
- Mitch!
- Let's go home.

1592
01:50:22,241 --> 01:50:25,451
♪ Where did my heart go

1593
01:50:25,828 --> 01:50:29,372
♪ When did it lose the way

1594
01:50:29,540 --> 01:50:32,208
♪ How did I let

1595
01:50:32,376 --> 01:50:36,504
♪ You slip away

1596
01:50:38,007 --> 01:50:43,094
♪ Why is it so hard to say

1597
01:50:43,929 --> 01:50:47,432
♪ Words that might touch you

1598
01:50:47,599 --> 01:50:50,852
♪ Make you believe that I'm

1599
01:50:51,020 --> 01:50:53,938
♪ More than it seems

1600
01:50:54,106 --> 01:50:58,276
♪ That I am today

1601
01:50:58,444 --> 01:51:01,529
♪ I can run

1602
01:51:01,697 --> 01:51:05,533
♪ But I can't hide

1603
01:51:05,701 --> 01:51:08,619
♪ All these dreams

1604
01:51:08,787 --> 01:51:12,248
♪ That I keep inside

1605
01:51:12,416 --> 01:51:16,836
♪ Now, it's gonna take a while

1606
01:51:17,212 --> 01:51:21,132
♪ But I've got to learn to smile

1607
01:51:21,550 --> 01:51:23,718
♪ Again

1608
01:51:34,813 --> 01:51:37,857
♪ Once it was easy

1609
01:51:38,192 --> 01:51:41,736
♪ I never had to try

1610
01:51:41,904 --> 01:51:44,614
♪ I never had

1611
01:51:44,782 --> 01:51:48,743
♪ To say a lie

1612
01:51:50,496 --> 01:51:55,750
♪ Never thought I'd see you cry

1613
01:51:55,918 --> 01:51:59,587
♪ But now I know better

1614
01:52:00,005 --> 01:52:03,216
♪ I've got to find a way

1615
01:52:03,384 --> 01:52:07,804
♪ I don't wanna hear you say

1616
01:52:08,097 --> 01:52:10,598
♪ Goodbye

1617
01:52:10,766 --> 01:52:13,935
♪ I can run

1618
01:52:14,103 --> 01:52:17,814
♪ But I can't hide

1619
01:52:17,981 --> 01:52:21,067
♪ All these dreams

1620
01:52:21,235 --> 01:52:24,570
♪ That I keep inside

1621
01:52:24,738 --> 01:52:29,450
♪ Now, it's gonna take a while

1622
01:52:29,785 --> 01:52:33,371
♪ But I've got to learn to smile

1623
01:52:33,789 --> 01:52:35,832
♪ Again

1624
01:52:36,667 --> 01:52:39,127
♪ I've got to find the smile

1625
01:52:39,294 --> 01:52:43,131
♪ That fills your heart with laughter

1626
01:52:43,465 --> 01:52:46,759
♪ I don't wanna find a way

1627
01:52:46,927 --> 01:52:52,598
♪ To get along after you

1628
01:52:53,350 --> 01:52:59,355
♪ I wanna be the man, that you knew

1629
01:53:13,745 --> 01:53:17,999
♪ Now it's gonna take a while

1630
01:53:18,167 --> 01:53:22,670
♪ But I've got to learn to smile

1631
01:53:22,838 --> 01:53:26,007
♪ Again ♪