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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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MAN: I don't know
what the fuck is going on
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00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,657
in this country, man!
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Every day I turn on the TV,
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and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!
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(PEOPLE MURMURING)
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What about our rights?
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)
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This is our time
to show the world
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that we are not
just an online movement!
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)
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We're growing physically!
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This is our time
to assert ourselves
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as the true voice of America!
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MEN: (SHOUTING) Yeah!
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Yes, let's do that!
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MAN: Now, you may have noticed
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that our friend Aryan Grande
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has brought in a new recruit.
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FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!
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ALL: Yeah!
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Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody.
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White power. Obviously.
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Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.
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Since World War II, really.
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That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.
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And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...
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- Fuck the Jews!
- ALL: (SHOUT) Yeah!
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- Welcome!
- (ALL GRUNT)
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Let's fucking party!
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(ALL YELLING AND CHEERING)
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(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
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So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?
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MEN: Yeah.
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How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?
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- Hey, FTJ!
- FRED: Yo!
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You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.
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Now's your chance.
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Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.
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Come on, man.
We all got 'em!
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You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?
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MEN: Yeah!
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I will get a swastika tattoo.
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Um...
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Yeah.
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Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.
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(TATTOO MACHINE BUZZING)
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Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.
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This is really exciting.
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All right, here we go!
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(CHUCKLES)
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Ooh, right! Yeah!
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- (GRUNTS)
- That hurt?
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On many levels. Yes.
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(SOFTLY) Fuck!
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Hey! This you?
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You're a journalist?
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Yeah!
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We all got to be fucking
journalists in this day and age,
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mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!
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His name is Fred Flarsky.
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He writes for
the Brooklyn Advocate.
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- He's a fucking Jew!
- What?
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Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!
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What are you doing here?
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You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?
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- Who sent you?
- (STAMMERS) No one sent me!
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It's okay. I'm... I'm...
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He's been recording us
the whole time!
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Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!
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You're gonna fucking die!
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How do you
turn this thing off?
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The fucking red button,
right there, man!
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(MEN CLAMORING)
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- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- (GRUNTING)
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Holy shit!
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(GROANING LOUDLY)
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Yeah! (LAUGHS)
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(GROANS)
Not only did I escape...
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I held onto my phone!
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Yes! Ow!
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(GROANS)
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I trusted you, man!
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Yeah, well...
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Jews win this round,
motherfucker!
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Peace! Ow.
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NEWSCASTER:
Tonight on Wembley News,
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we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,
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a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,
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and protege
of President Chambers,
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who tapped Field two years ago
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to be the youngest
secretary of state
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in the history of this nation.
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And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.
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Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,
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but, she's just hot!
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NEWSCASTER 2: You know,
when we talk about women in this way,
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it is because
we respect them so much,
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and we start with their body.
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- (ALL LAUGH ON TV)
- You two are terrible.
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- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.
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Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.
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Long day.
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Three bilaterals. (SIGHS)
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Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.
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There's just not enough
traction around this thing.
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I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.
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I don't have
the American people's support.
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I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,
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but you know who likes it?
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88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.
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Likely voters.
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That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.
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(WATER SPLASHING)
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(SIGHS)
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(ALARM BLARING)
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(GASPS)
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(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
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Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.
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I mean,
he did play a president
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on a very popular television
show for over a decade.
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You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations
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without being
pretty convincing.
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Um, I do think I'm funny.
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I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about
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promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.
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All right, next one's BBC.
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Would you be asking
a male cabinet member
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what products they use
in their hair?
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I'm just kidding.
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No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.
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I know. So cheap.
So much shine.
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(EXHALING)
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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(QUIETLY) Good morning,
Mr. President.
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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- Good morning, Mr. President.
- (TV PLAYING)
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Oh, hey, Charlotte.
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You caught me
watching my show. (LAUGHS)
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Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.
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I am not nuking a tsunami!
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Oh, here it is.
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(SPEAKING ALONG TO TV)
Not now...
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Not today.
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Not in my house.
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Yes! (LAUGHING) I love that!
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(LAUGHS) Oh, me too.
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Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.
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(EXHALING)
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(SIGHS) Charlotte.
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Yes, sir?
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(CLICKS TONGUE) I will not be
seeking reelection.
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Really?
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Look, I know it's crazy,
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because I'm only halfway
through my first term.
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And you're incredibly
popular, sir.
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And I want to use
that popularity
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to transition into something
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more prestigious
than the presidency.
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I wanna make it in the movies.
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You're going to leave
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the Presidency
to go be in movies?
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- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...
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Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump
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from TV to film.
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Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...
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Might be... Might be just two.
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I... Mr. President, have you
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given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?
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I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol
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or Crowly. Strong choices.
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So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.
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And I've been vetted.
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So that's all done.
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And I can't stop thinking
about what...
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What it would do
for your legacy
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to endorse the first
female president.
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I mean... Wow.
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That's a legacy.
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- Charlotte?
- Hmm?
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I would like to endorse you
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to be the next president
of the United States.
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I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.
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I'd... I'd be honored.
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I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?
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Because you've been
a great secretary.
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...of state.
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Whatever. It's a cool job.
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And, um, you've done it well.
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- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.
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Don't make
any major screw-ups.
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Don't kill any hookers.
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- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Probably not a problem for you.
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I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.
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And before you know it...
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(HUMMING)
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I like the sound of that.
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♪ Hey, here she comes
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♪ It's the first lady president
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♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman
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Thank you, sir.
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♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪
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TOUR GUIDE:
Oh, and here we see
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Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.
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Good morning.
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(TOUR GUIDE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
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(QUIETLY) Yes!
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So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."
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- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.
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00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:54,928
- Yeah.
- KATHERINE: And now, keep in mind
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00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:57,464
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.
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00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,868
If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.
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00:10:00,870 --> 00:10:03,037
- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.
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00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,139
'Cause the man... Okay.
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00:10:05,141 --> 00:10:08,175
Um, your sense of humor is 82,
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00:10:08,177 --> 00:10:10,444
which is solid. It's solid.
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00:10:10,446 --> 00:10:12,546
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers
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00:10:12,548 --> 00:10:14,915
go up a few points, or more.
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00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,117
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from
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00:10:17,119 --> 00:10:18,653
- some funny speech writers.
- Great.
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00:10:18,655 --> 00:10:21,989
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel
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00:10:21,991 --> 00:10:23,924
- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.
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00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:25,559
Right. You know, so we don't
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00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:29,564
drill down
on specific policies.
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00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:32,667
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.
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00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:34,068
That's interesting.
227
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:37,438
With that said, if you could
broker some deal
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00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,972
that gets you
out there talking
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00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:40,341
about a thing that you feel
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00:10:40,343 --> 00:10:42,476
really strongly about,
that would be great.
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00:10:42,478 --> 00:10:43,410
CHARLOTTE:
Well, that's perfect.
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00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:45,513
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening
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to start a conversation
about the environment.
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00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,918
(CHUCKLES) All right.
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Romantically, if I may...
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Remember the stir online
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when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you
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were seated next to each other
239
00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,697
at The Global Business Forum?
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00:11:02,699 --> 00:11:04,098
Mmm-hmm.
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00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,233
A relationship like that
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00:11:06,235 --> 00:11:09,004
would push you
into the high 90s.
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00:11:09,439 --> 00:11:12,072
High 90s? Wow.
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00:11:12,074 --> 00:11:13,410
KATHERINE:
That brings us to...
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00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:19,079
CHARLOTTE: What's wrong
with my wave?
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00:11:19,081 --> 00:11:21,081
Um, I think people feel that
247
00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:24,118
that level of elbow movement
is, um...
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It stresses people out.
249
00:11:25,622 --> 00:11:28,623
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.
250
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,392
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.
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00:11:30,394 --> 00:11:32,262
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:36,264
- Hey.
- BOSS: Hey, Fred.
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00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,968
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.
254
00:11:39,403 --> 00:11:41,001
You got a second?
255
00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:43,671
- Yeah.
- Come on.
256
00:11:43,673 --> 00:11:46,173
I actually have
some really great news.
257
00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:48,343
- Really? Cool.
- Yes. (CHUCKLES)
258
00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:50,678
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.
259
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,647
- What?
- Yeah.
260
00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:53,548
Are you fucking kidding me?
261
00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:55,015
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...
262
00:11:55,017 --> 00:11:56,184
A harsh reaction?
263
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:57,619
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?
264
00:11:57,621 --> 00:11:59,220
The fucker
represents everything
265
00:11:59,222 --> 00:12:00,688
that we've been fighting
against since day one!
266
00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:03,591
The whole point of this paper is
to fight giant media conglomerates.
267
00:12:03,593 --> 00:12:05,393
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.
268
00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:07,662
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?
269
00:12:07,664 --> 00:12:10,331
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.
270
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:12,200
Not the good kind,
that's right!
271
00:12:12,202 --> 00:12:14,001
- (STAMMERS)
- The bad kind, that's wrong!
272
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,370
Well, we're out of options.
273
00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,105
We've been running
as long as we can
274
00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:19,507
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.
275
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:21,609
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.
276
00:12:21,611 --> 00:12:23,077
No one likes their dick.
277
00:12:23,079 --> 00:12:25,046
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,
278
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,582
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.
279
00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:28,550
No, they couldn't prove that.
280
00:12:28,552 --> 00:12:30,752
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!
281
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:32,654
- You published them!
- I did.
282
00:12:32,656 --> 00:12:35,356
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...
283
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:38,059
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.
284
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,661
I don't even get
how that fucking works.
285
00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:41,262
I don't even get
the math on that one.
286
00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:43,331
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?
287
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:46,801
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now. (SIGHS)
288
00:12:46,803 --> 00:12:49,571
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.
289
00:12:49,573 --> 00:12:51,606
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.
290
00:12:51,608 --> 00:12:54,042
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.
291
00:12:54,044 --> 00:12:55,443
It's just...
292
00:12:55,445 --> 00:12:57,345
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.
293
00:12:57,347 --> 00:12:58,814
I don't know how I can
tone things down
294
00:12:58,816 --> 00:13:00,482
any more than
I'm toning them down.
295
00:13:00,484 --> 00:13:02,484
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.
296
00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:03,651
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,
297
00:13:03,653 --> 00:13:05,353
you take risks,
you connect with people.
298
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:06,621
I'm sensing a twist in this.
299
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:08,625
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...
300
00:13:09,759 --> 00:13:11,626
Sometimes you're
a little too much.
301
00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:12,660
I don't think I am too much!
302
00:13:12,662 --> 00:13:15,163
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.
303
00:13:15,165 --> 00:13:16,664
Look, you have your job.
304
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:19,501
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.
305
00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:21,102
You know what? I quit.
306
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,237
Oh, come on, Fred.
307
00:13:22,239 --> 00:13:24,239
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.
308
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,174
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.
309
00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,276
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!
310
00:13:28,278 --> 00:13:29,678
But I can't work for that guy.
311
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,080
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.
312
00:13:32,082 --> 00:13:34,148
No fucking way!
313
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:36,284
I want him to know
that I quit.
314
00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:38,621
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.
315
00:13:38,623 --> 00:13:41,189
You're gonna destroy your life to
spite a guy who's never heard of you?
316
00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:42,758
Yes! You said it best!
317
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,926
That's exactly
what I'm doing.
318
00:13:43,928 --> 00:13:46,729
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.
319
00:13:46,731 --> 00:13:48,196
Well, that makes
two of us.
320
00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:51,767
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.
321
00:13:51,769 --> 00:13:54,737
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.
322
00:13:54,739 --> 00:13:56,672
Um... I, uh,
323
00:13:56,674 --> 00:13:58,239
was just calling to say
that I was forced
324
00:13:58,241 --> 00:13:59,507
to quit my job recently,
325
00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,209
making me
something of a free agent.
326
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,778
And I know in the past, uh,
327
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:05,481
you said I'm not exactly what
The Times was looking for,
328
00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:08,149
but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.
329
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,285
Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.
330
00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:12,490
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...
331
00:14:14,224 --> 00:14:15,524
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.
332
00:14:15,526 --> 00:14:17,125
Can I come by?
333
00:14:17,127 --> 00:14:18,462
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
334
00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,732
LANCE: We need to
schedule a meeting
335
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,734
and see what they have to say.
336
00:14:25,736 --> 00:14:27,270
Excuse me.
337
00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:31,239
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.
338
00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:32,875
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.
339
00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:34,810
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.
340
00:14:34,812 --> 00:14:36,512
You can leave work right now?
341
00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:38,581
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?
342
00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:39,848
That's a
"I can leave this bitch
343
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:41,817
"whenever I want"
corner office.
344
00:14:41,819 --> 00:14:43,354
Come on, man. Everybody!
345
00:14:44,522 --> 00:14:46,254
This is my best friend,
346
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:47,790
and he just
lost his job today.
347
00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,658
All right?
He's at rock bottom.
348
00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:51,860
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.
349
00:14:51,862 --> 00:14:53,529
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.
350
00:14:53,531 --> 00:14:55,229
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,
351
00:14:55,231 --> 00:14:56,599
when one of us feels sad,
352
00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,334
the other one
has to get him fucked up.
353
00:14:58,336 --> 00:15:02,504
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,
354
00:15:02,506 --> 00:15:04,773
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.
355
00:15:04,775 --> 00:15:06,875
No judgement. No judgement.
356
00:15:06,877 --> 00:15:09,244
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.
357
00:15:09,246 --> 00:15:10,346
I don't want to do shit.
358
00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:12,581
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.
359
00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:13,651
Matter of fact...
360
00:15:14,752 --> 00:15:16,685
- Everybody's got the day off.
- (ALL CHEER)
361
00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:19,188
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.
362
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:20,289
Everybody, go home.
363
00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,958
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.
364
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,693
I love
every single one of you.
365
00:15:24,695 --> 00:15:25,761
Except you, Ted!
366
00:15:25,763 --> 00:15:28,864
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!
367
00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:30,966
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?
368
00:15:30,968 --> 00:15:32,334
WOMAN: Yeah, Ted, not cool.
369
00:15:32,336 --> 00:15:33,268
- Zander.
- ZANDER: Yeah?
370
00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,504
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.
371
00:15:35,506 --> 00:15:36,739
- ZANDER: Uh-huh.
- I need that filled
372
00:15:36,741 --> 00:15:39,274
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.
373
00:15:39,276 --> 00:15:40,444
Do you want one?
374
00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:43,479
FRED: I got fucked, man.
375
00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:46,215
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.
376
00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:47,383
Well, it happens to everybody.
377
00:15:47,385 --> 00:15:49,318
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.
378
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,586
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.
379
00:15:50,588 --> 00:15:53,389
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.
380
00:15:53,391 --> 00:15:54,823
Where are we going right now?
381
00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:56,625
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.
382
00:15:56,627 --> 00:15:58,794
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.
383
00:15:58,796 --> 00:16:00,596
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.
384
00:16:00,598 --> 00:16:01,563
Play at the park.
385
00:16:01,565 --> 00:16:03,599
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,
386
00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:04,767
get you a nice fat steak,
387
00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:07,469
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.
388
00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:08,837
I don't know if I
want to go to some
389
00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:10,406
fancy rich person party.
390
00:16:10,408 --> 00:16:11,740
What... Oh, come on, man,
391
00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:13,342
don't be so judgmental,
all right?
392
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:15,744
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.
393
00:16:15,746 --> 00:16:18,280
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.
394
00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:19,515
All right, fine, Fred.
395
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:20,917
Then just do nothing.
All right?
396
00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:22,852
Go home, do nothing.
397
00:16:22,854 --> 00:16:25,423
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.
398
00:16:26,557 --> 00:16:27,791
Say what?
399
00:16:27,793 --> 00:16:29,525
Oh, yeah.
400
00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:30,994
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend
401
00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:34,263
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.
402
00:16:34,265 --> 00:16:36,265
I thought you would
like to be there.
403
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,967
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?
404
00:16:37,969 --> 00:16:41,037
♪ Motownphilly's back again
405
00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:42,138
(VOCALIZING)
406
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,039
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.
407
00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,008
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.
408
00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:46,976
- (BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
409
00:16:46,978 --> 00:16:50,612
CHARLOTTE: I am so hungry,
it's insane.
410
00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:51,848
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?
411
00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,348
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.
412
00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:54,516
Oh.
413
00:16:54,518 --> 00:16:57,519
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.
414
00:16:57,521 --> 00:16:58,922
I look like
a fucking caveman.
415
00:16:58,924 --> 00:17:00,690
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.
416
00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,524
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.
417
00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:03,595
That's my best score.
418
00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:09,933
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.
419
00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:11,601
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.
420
00:17:11,603 --> 00:17:13,535
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.
421
00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:15,504
Why do they make this
so difficult...
422
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:17,841
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.
423
00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:20,409
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...
424
00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:22,377
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.
425
00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:24,248
- Yup. Yes.
- CHARLOTTE: Do you have it?
426
00:17:27,418 --> 00:17:29,018
Good. Good, good,
good, good.
427
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:30,822
(MUFFLED) Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.
428
00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:34,023
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.
429
00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,091
What?
430
00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:36,860
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.
431
00:17:36,862 --> 00:17:38,895
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.
432
00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:40,663
- (WHISPERS) Maggie!
- MAGGIE: Six feet away.
433
00:17:40,665 --> 00:17:42,534
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.
434
00:17:43,902 --> 00:17:45,935
- James!
- Bonsoir.
435
00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:47,771
- Hi.
- Good evening.
436
00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:49,439
(IN ACCENTED ENGLISH)
I am so sorry I missed you
437
00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:51,107
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.
438
00:17:51,109 --> 00:17:54,043
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?
439
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,578
(LAUGHS) You're never gonna
440
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:56,913
stop making that joke,
are you?
441
00:17:56,915 --> 00:17:59,048
- No. I'm not.
- (LAUGHS)
442
00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:00,517
- (MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
- Well, I... Oh, hello.
443
00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:01,818
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.
444
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,622
- PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
445
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:07,025
- One more. One more.
- One more.
446
00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:10,493
Merci. Thank you.
447
00:18:10,495 --> 00:18:11,663
What do you say
we get out of here?
448
00:18:13,031 --> 00:18:15,799
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.
449
00:18:15,801 --> 00:18:17,934
(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)
450
00:18:17,936 --> 00:18:19,135
- Yes...
- Yeah?
451
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:21,404
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Oh, my God!
452
00:18:21,406 --> 00:18:23,139
Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!
453
00:18:23,141 --> 00:18:25,441
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!
454
00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:27,577
One question,
what's the name of the group?
455
00:18:27,579 --> 00:18:28,845
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
456
00:18:28,847 --> 00:18:29,712
What's the name
of the group, y'all?
457
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:31,047
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
458
00:18:31,049 --> 00:18:33,051
(SINGING)
459
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,003
Yeah...
460
00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:55,039
I told you this
would be dope.
461
00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:58,108
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.
462
00:18:58,110 --> 00:18:59,542
- (LAUGHS)
- Wow.
463
00:18:59,544 --> 00:19:00,879
(CONTINUE SINGING)
464
00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:10,587
I'm super underdressed.
465
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:11,888
Stop complaining,
all right?
466
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,823
You think
you feel outta place?
467
00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:14,992
This is one of
the brightest rooms
468
00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:17,027
I've ever been in,
in my life.
469
00:19:17,029 --> 00:19:18,830
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?
470
00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,663
Like white.
471
00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:22,732
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.
472
00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:24,801
It's only me,
the waiters and Boyz II Men.
473
00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,669
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.
474
00:19:26,671 --> 00:19:28,540
(CONTINUE SINGING)
475
00:19:32,611 --> 00:19:33,844
Duty calls.
476
00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:36,213
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.
477
00:19:36,215 --> 00:19:38,815
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay. (LAUGHS)
478
00:19:38,817 --> 00:19:40,853
- (SPEAKS FRENCH)
- Okay.
479
00:19:42,587 --> 00:19:43,923
(CONTINUE SINGING)
480
00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:49,960
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?
481
00:19:49,962 --> 00:19:52,029
I got fired today, man.
482
00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:53,398
You told me you quit.
483
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,901
I was forced to quit
because of...
484
00:19:56,903 --> 00:19:58,035
Yeah, okay, man.
485
00:19:58,037 --> 00:19:59,404
Lie to me some more.
486
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,507
You good?
487
00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:09,949
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?
488
00:20:11,884 --> 00:20:13,085
Oh, she's looking at you?
489
00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,454
Fred.
490
00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:21,727
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?
491
00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:24,630
Damn. Hey, what was that?
492
00:20:25,898 --> 00:20:27,497
I...
493
00:20:27,499 --> 00:20:28,899
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?
494
00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,834
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.
495
00:20:30,836 --> 00:20:32,569
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?
496
00:20:32,571 --> 00:20:33,971
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.
497
00:20:33,973 --> 00:20:35,105
You tell people that shit.
498
00:20:35,107 --> 00:20:36,774
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.
499
00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:38,075
I'll tell you a story.
500
00:20:38,077 --> 00:20:41,812
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.
501
00:20:41,814 --> 00:20:43,149
She's my babysitter.
502
00:20:48,721 --> 00:20:51,255
She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,
503
00:20:51,257 --> 00:20:52,790
which goes a long way with me.
504
00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:54,224
So, we're at her house...
505
00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,160
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.
506
00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:58,128
She's running for
Student Council president.
507
00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,431
Did you know
that every year,
508
00:20:59,433 --> 00:21:02,266
the school throws away over
500 tons of recyclable garbage?
509
00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:05,102
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.
510
00:21:05,104 --> 00:21:06,704
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit
511
00:21:06,706 --> 00:21:09,807
- they don't care about?
- They'll just care
512
00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:11,842
because it's the right thing
to care about.
513
00:21:11,844 --> 00:21:14,845
You're more inspiring than George
Bush and Dan Quayle combined.
514
00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:16,613
Well, that's not too hard.
515
00:21:16,615 --> 00:21:18,048
(BOTH LAUGH)
516
00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,783
FRED: Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,
517
00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,118
and she seemed to
kinda like me,
518
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,886
and I felt like
we were having a moment.
519
00:21:22,888 --> 00:21:25,055
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.
520
00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,123
Oh, shit.
521
00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:27,725
FRED: So I did something,
522
00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:29,827
that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.
523
00:21:29,829 --> 00:21:31,130
I kissed her.
524
00:21:31,797 --> 00:21:33,130
I looked down...
525
00:21:33,132 --> 00:21:35,300
I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!
526
00:21:35,302 --> 00:21:38,135
- Oh!
- Hard... But not big.
527
00:21:38,137 --> 00:21:40,938
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."
528
00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:41,939
Sorry.
529
00:21:41,941 --> 00:21:43,909
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...
530
00:21:44,677 --> 00:21:45,743
It's okay.
531
00:21:45,745 --> 00:21:47,245
- (GROANS)
- And then,
532
00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,113
her boyfriend comes
into the room,
533
00:21:49,115 --> 00:21:50,814
who was in the other room
watching Blossom!
534
00:21:50,816 --> 00:21:51,882
Hey, babe.
535
00:21:51,884 --> 00:21:53,751
Points out my fucking
little boner.
536
00:21:53,753 --> 00:21:56,154
- He makes a joke!
- Whoa!
537
00:21:56,156 --> 00:21:57,690
FRED: And they left.
538
00:21:58,325 --> 00:21:59,859
(MOUTHING) I'm sorry.
539
00:22:01,894 --> 00:22:04,964
And I'm left
standing there alone...
540
00:22:05,798 --> 00:22:06,764
...in the kitchen,
541
00:22:06,766 --> 00:22:09,767
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.
542
00:22:09,769 --> 00:22:11,935
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,
543
00:22:11,937 --> 00:22:13,604
she didn't win
the fucking election.
544
00:22:13,606 --> 00:22:16,307
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.
545
00:22:16,309 --> 00:22:19,344
- Two-prom!
- Two-proms! Back-to-back!
546
00:22:19,346 --> 00:22:21,712
(SCOFFS) She didn't stand
a fucking chance.
547
00:22:21,714 --> 00:22:22,846
No, man.
548
00:22:22,848 --> 00:22:24,882
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.
549
00:22:24,884 --> 00:22:26,617
What's the best part
of that story?
550
00:22:26,619 --> 00:22:28,386
She says your boner was okay.
551
00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:30,188
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying
552
00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:32,023
to not make me
fucking feel bad.
553
00:22:32,025 --> 00:22:34,025
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,
554
00:22:34,027 --> 00:22:37,761
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,
555
00:22:37,763 --> 00:22:40,898
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.
556
00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,967
You need
to talk to her tonight.
557
00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,235
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,
558
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,937
and if she does remember
who I am,
559
00:22:45,939 --> 00:22:47,105
the last thing she wants is
560
00:22:47,107 --> 00:22:49,207
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.
561
00:22:49,209 --> 00:22:50,275
- Look...
- AGENT M: Excuse me.
562
00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:51,309
Whoa.
563
00:22:51,311 --> 00:22:52,977
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.
564
00:22:52,979 --> 00:22:54,212
With me?
565
00:22:54,214 --> 00:22:55,646
With him, right?
566
00:22:55,648 --> 00:22:57,415
- Yeah.
- FRED: Right now?
567
00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:59,017
Uh, do you know why?
568
00:22:59,019 --> 00:23:00,120
This way.
569
00:23:01,221 --> 00:23:02,387
(SOFTLY) This is good.
570
00:23:02,389 --> 00:23:03,822
What are you
nervous about?
571
00:23:03,824 --> 00:23:06,091
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!
572
00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:08,095
(SINGING SLOW R&B SONG)
573
00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:17,701
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.
574
00:23:17,703 --> 00:23:19,705
(BOYZ II MEN VOCALIZING)
575
00:23:26,246 --> 00:23:28,079
What are you gonna
say to her?
576
00:23:28,081 --> 00:23:29,681
I don't know.
577
00:23:29,683 --> 00:23:31,049
Should open with a neg.
578
00:23:31,051 --> 00:23:32,350
Tell her she's too tall.
579
00:23:32,352 --> 00:23:34,252
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.
580
00:23:34,254 --> 00:23:36,189
- It was so nice to see you.
- WOMAN: You as well.
581
00:23:38,325 --> 00:23:41,126
Give me the signal
when you need me.
582
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:43,261
- Hi.
- Hi.
583
00:23:43,263 --> 00:23:44,696
A man brought me here.
584
00:23:44,698 --> 00:23:46,231
Yes, sorry about that.
585
00:23:46,233 --> 00:23:47,265
- Um...
- No, not at all.
586
00:23:47,267 --> 00:23:50,135
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.
587
00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,769
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?
588
00:23:51,771 --> 00:23:53,171
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.
589
00:23:53,173 --> 00:23:55,473
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred...
590
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:56,774
I was shorter,
591
00:23:56,776 --> 00:23:58,209
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?
592
00:23:58,211 --> 00:23:59,277
Yeah! Holy fuck!
593
00:23:59,279 --> 00:24:00,979
I can't believe it.
You remember.
594
00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,248
Oh, my God,
look at you!
595
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:04,449
Look at me, yes.
596
00:24:04,451 --> 00:24:05,717
What are you doing here?
597
00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,219
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.
598
00:24:08,221 --> 00:24:09,254
Hey, how you doing?
599
00:24:09,256 --> 00:24:11,923
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.
600
00:24:11,925 --> 00:24:13,057
I just met them.
601
00:24:13,059 --> 00:24:14,893
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.
602
00:24:14,895 --> 00:24:16,495
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,
603
00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:17,996
but it was
the highlight of my life.
604
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,130
Oh, I totally get that.
605
00:24:19,132 --> 00:24:20,131
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.
606
00:24:20,133 --> 00:24:22,800
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.
607
00:24:22,802 --> 00:24:24,736
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Don't actually fuck him.
608
00:24:24,738 --> 00:24:25,870
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.
609
00:24:25,872 --> 00:24:27,305
What are you doing
these days?
610
00:24:27,307 --> 00:24:29,176
I bet it's
something amazing.
611
00:24:30,911 --> 00:24:32,177
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.
612
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,244
Uh, yeah,
613
00:24:33,246 --> 00:24:35,847
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.
614
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,015
I don't need to get into it.
615
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:38,118
What about you,
what have you been up to?
616
00:24:39,085 --> 00:24:40,251
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.
617
00:24:40,253 --> 00:24:41,387
I know what
you've been up to.
618
00:24:41,389 --> 00:24:42,588
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- You're very, um...
619
00:24:42,590 --> 00:24:44,956
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing
620
00:24:44,958 --> 00:24:46,024
to see what you've done
with your life.
621
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:47,158
A lot of people say
they're gonna do
622
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,260
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,
623
00:24:49,262 --> 00:24:51,898
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.
624
00:24:53,267 --> 00:24:55,233
Well, I'm trying.
625
00:24:55,235 --> 00:24:56,770
I think you've done it.
(CHUCKLES)
626
00:24:58,439 --> 00:24:59,739
PARKER: Oh!
627
00:25:00,907 --> 00:25:02,208
CHARLOTTE: Parker Wembley.
628
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:03,475
I hate this guy.
629
00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:06,110
FRED: Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers
630
00:25:06,112 --> 00:25:08,214
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?
631
00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:09,281
You know him?
632
00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:10,482
He's coming over here.
633
00:25:10,484 --> 00:25:12,251
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.
634
00:25:12,253 --> 00:25:15,853
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?
635
00:25:15,855 --> 00:25:18,022
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.
636
00:25:18,024 --> 00:25:19,325
Thank you.
637
00:25:19,327 --> 00:25:21,493
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you
638
00:25:21,495 --> 00:25:24,096
for some months now,
and, uh...
639
00:25:24,098 --> 00:25:25,863
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?
640
00:25:25,865 --> 00:25:28,866
No! No.
641
00:25:28,868 --> 00:25:31,004
- Not successfully.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
642
00:25:32,473 --> 00:25:35,039
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
Who's your friend?
643
00:25:35,041 --> 00:25:36,908
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!
644
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:37,976
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?
645
00:25:37,978 --> 00:25:39,944
And, uh, what is it
that you do?
646
00:25:39,946 --> 00:25:41,980
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.
647
00:25:41,982 --> 00:25:43,815
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
648
00:25:43,817 --> 00:25:46,218
Will I have read
anything that you've written?
649
00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:49,021
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.
650
00:25:49,023 --> 00:25:50,922
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.
651
00:25:50,924 --> 00:25:52,191
Not your fault.
652
00:25:52,193 --> 00:25:54,126
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.
653
00:25:54,128 --> 00:25:56,195
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.
654
00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:57,263
- Right?
- Yes.
655
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:58,998
Okay, good. Fred.
656
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,165
- Yes?
- Best of luck.
657
00:26:00,167 --> 00:26:01,233
Oh, why, thanks.
658
00:26:01,235 --> 00:26:02,301
Things will turn around
for you.
659
00:26:02,303 --> 00:26:03,202
So nice of you.
660
00:26:03,204 --> 00:26:05,006
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.
661
00:26:06,540 --> 00:26:09,008
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.
662
00:26:09,010 --> 00:26:10,376
You probably have a lot
of things to do.
663
00:26:10,378 --> 00:26:11,443
Better than this.
664
00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:12,578
It's really nice
to see you again.
665
00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:16,115
- Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
- (LAUGHS)
666
00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:19,151
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.
667
00:26:19,153 --> 00:26:21,020
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.
668
00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:22,156
Great to see you.
669
00:26:25,226 --> 00:26:28,193
I see you. I see you. Yeah.
670
00:26:28,195 --> 00:26:30,629
(LAUGHING)
671
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:33,067
PARKER: So I said,
"You want..."
672
00:26:34,568 --> 00:26:35,968
Hey. Hey.
What's that look in your eye?
673
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,036
What are you
about to go do?
674
00:26:37,038 --> 00:26:38,871
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.
675
00:26:38,873 --> 00:26:40,873
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.
676
00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:42,574
Too late
for the fucking animals.
677
00:26:42,576 --> 00:26:44,410
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
678
00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:46,078
Hey!
679
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,579
- PARKER: Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.
680
00:26:47,581 --> 00:26:49,915
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.
681
00:26:49,917 --> 00:26:51,450
- What?
- You're the problem, man!
682
00:26:51,452 --> 00:26:54,019
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.
683
00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:57,256
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit
684
00:26:57,258 --> 00:26:59,992
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!
685
00:26:59,994 --> 00:27:01,927
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.
686
00:27:01,929 --> 00:27:03,595
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,
687
00:27:03,597 --> 00:27:05,230
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.
688
00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,899
Whoa, shit! (YELLING)
689
00:27:06,901 --> 00:27:08,033
(GRUNTS)
690
00:27:08,035 --> 00:27:09,335
(CROWD GASPS)
691
00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:10,570
God!
692
00:27:10,572 --> 00:27:12,104
(FRED GRUNTS)
693
00:27:12,106 --> 00:27:13,272
Cracker down!
694
00:27:13,274 --> 00:27:14,674
Oh, my God.
695
00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,010
GUEST: Looks like it hurt.
696
00:27:16,645 --> 00:27:18,510
Boyz II Men, back up.
697
00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:19,978
You all right? You good?
698
00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:21,146
- You all right?
- I'm okay!
699
00:27:21,148 --> 00:27:22,214
He's okay!
700
00:27:22,216 --> 00:27:23,351
How is he standing?
701
00:27:25,186 --> 00:27:27,188
(HIP-HIP SONG PLAYING)
702
00:27:28,490 --> 00:27:29,955
(SONG PLAYING ON PHONE)
703
00:27:29,957 --> 00:27:32,059
- ALL: Oh!
- Ouch!
704
00:27:34,095 --> 00:27:37,930
♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...
705
00:27:37,932 --> 00:27:38,997
This is so creative.
706
00:27:38,999 --> 00:27:40,935
(ALL LAUGH)
707
00:27:41,335 --> 00:27:42,569
Ha-ha!
708
00:27:42,571 --> 00:27:44,138
- CHARLOTTE: What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.
709
00:27:44,639 --> 00:27:46,972
God, that was crazy.
710
00:27:46,974 --> 00:27:48,340
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,
711
00:27:48,342 --> 00:27:51,009
it was all so hilarious.
712
00:27:51,011 --> 00:27:53,613
And so what is
the relationship exactly?
713
00:27:53,615 --> 00:27:55,247
- Was he your super?
- No,
714
00:27:55,249 --> 00:27:57,182
we grew up
next door to each other.
715
00:27:57,184 --> 00:27:58,451
- (MAGGIE GASPS)
- Yeah.
716
00:27:58,453 --> 00:28:01,321
(CHUCKLES) Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.
717
00:28:01,323 --> 00:28:03,556
- You babysat for him?
- I did.
718
00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:06,225
Wow. Time has not been kind.
719
00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:07,226
He was
such a strange little kid.
720
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:10,430
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.
721
00:28:10,432 --> 00:28:12,499
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.
722
00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,534
He's actually
not a bad writer.
723
00:28:14,536 --> 00:28:15,968
Wait, you've read
his stuff?
724
00:28:15,970 --> 00:28:17,169
Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.
725
00:28:17,171 --> 00:28:19,472
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.
726
00:28:19,474 --> 00:28:21,241
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?
727
00:28:21,243 --> 00:28:22,609
Wembley Media
just bought them.
728
00:28:22,611 --> 00:28:25,177
Oh, that makes total sense.
729
00:28:25,179 --> 00:28:27,380
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.
730
00:28:27,382 --> 00:28:31,386
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.
731
00:28:35,390 --> 00:28:36,991
(CHUCKLING)
732
00:28:40,195 --> 00:28:41,694
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
733
00:28:41,696 --> 00:28:43,028
- Hi.
- Hey.
734
00:28:43,030 --> 00:28:45,732
Did you like
any of those writing samples?
735
00:28:45,734 --> 00:28:48,601
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.
736
00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:53,139
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.
737
00:28:53,141 --> 00:28:55,108
Wait, not the...
738
00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:57,577
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?
739
00:28:57,579 --> 00:29:00,180
Yeah. He has a real voice.
740
00:29:00,182 --> 00:29:02,782
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.
741
00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:04,451
And that's probably
a good thing
742
00:29:04,453 --> 00:29:07,353
if he's going to be
writing for me.
743
00:29:07,355 --> 00:29:09,389
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,
744
00:29:09,391 --> 00:29:12,091
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.
745
00:29:12,093 --> 00:29:15,562
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.
746
00:29:15,564 --> 00:29:17,597
I think he can get that
number up by a few points.
747
00:29:17,599 --> 00:29:19,301
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.
748
00:29:20,168 --> 00:29:21,234
Okay.
749
00:29:21,236 --> 00:29:22,237
Okay.
750
00:29:22,771 --> 00:29:24,239
Fred Flarsky it is.
751
00:29:24,673 --> 00:29:26,041
Thanks.
752
00:29:28,143 --> 00:29:30,145
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
753
00:29:31,213 --> 00:29:32,214
All right, bye.
754
00:29:33,715 --> 00:29:35,517
- (PHONE RINGING)
- (MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
755
00:29:36,518 --> 00:29:37,752
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
756
00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:40,286
Unknown!
757
00:29:40,288 --> 00:29:42,088
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.
758
00:29:42,090 --> 00:29:43,456
- What?
- Answer it!
759
00:29:43,458 --> 00:29:45,091
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?
760
00:29:45,093 --> 00:29:46,794
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.
761
00:29:46,796 --> 00:29:48,061
Really?
762
00:29:48,063 --> 00:29:49,529
- Gang.
- Gang.
763
00:29:49,531 --> 00:29:51,297
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.
764
00:29:51,299 --> 00:29:52,833
All right. Hello. Gang.
765
00:29:52,835 --> 00:29:54,667
- Mr. Flarsky?
- What?
766
00:29:54,669 --> 00:29:56,202
Wait, slow down. What?
767
00:29:56,204 --> 00:29:58,104
- You're unknown. Pardon?
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.
768
00:29:58,106 --> 00:30:00,206
- Hello?
- Go on.
769
00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:03,811
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.
770
00:30:03,813 --> 00:30:06,112
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.
771
00:30:06,114 --> 00:30:07,781
- Whoo!
- Hello?
772
00:30:07,783 --> 00:30:09,082
(WHISPERS) That's good!
Talk to her.
773
00:30:09,084 --> 00:30:11,752
- Hello?
- How can I help you?
774
00:30:11,754 --> 00:30:13,721
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.
775
00:30:13,723 --> 00:30:15,088
We will send a car over.
776
00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:16,790
Can you give me
the most convenient address?
777
00:30:16,792 --> 00:30:18,626
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like
778
00:30:18,628 --> 00:30:19,727
to meet with me immediately
779
00:30:19,729 --> 00:30:20,763
and they're going
to send a car?
780
00:30:23,164 --> 00:30:25,833
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.
781
00:30:25,835 --> 00:30:28,268
- I'm sure you can find it.
- I will google it.
782
00:30:28,270 --> 00:30:30,303
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.
783
00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:31,371
Okay.
784
00:30:31,373 --> 00:30:33,540
Uh, I'll see you soon.
785
00:30:33,542 --> 00:30:35,811
(GROANING) Oh,
I feel so scared.
786
00:30:36,612 --> 00:30:37,745
Do I look okay?
787
00:30:37,747 --> 00:30:39,212
Do I look funny?
788
00:30:39,214 --> 00:30:40,446
- Why are these pockets here?
- LANCE: It's okay.
789
00:30:40,448 --> 00:30:41,715
God fucking damn it!
790
00:30:41,717 --> 00:30:43,584
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?
791
00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:44,818
They're too tapered!
792
00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:47,253
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants
793
00:30:47,255 --> 00:30:49,389
and see the fucking
secretary of state?
794
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:50,891
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.
795
00:30:50,893 --> 00:30:52,392
- Mr. Flarsky?
- FRED: Oh, shit.
796
00:30:52,394 --> 00:30:53,529
Mr. Flarsky.
797
00:30:56,131 --> 00:30:57,230
Wish me luck, man.
798
00:30:57,232 --> 00:30:58,766
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.
799
00:30:58,768 --> 00:30:59,833
Luck is for losers.
800
00:30:59,835 --> 00:31:01,835
You've got destiny
on your side.
801
00:31:01,837 --> 00:31:04,638
You're good. Fred.
802
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,174
You buy the body.
803
00:31:06,809 --> 00:31:08,076
That doesn't mean anything.
804
00:31:08,711 --> 00:31:10,511
(ENGINE STARTS)
805
00:31:10,513 --> 00:31:12,178
LANCE: Fred, put your
seat belt on.
806
00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,650
Take care of my friend.
All right?
807
00:31:15,718 --> 00:31:17,918
- I look normal?
- You look cool.
808
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,321
I love you, Fred!
809
00:31:19,889 --> 00:31:21,757
Nut boys for life!
810
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,808
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.
811
00:31:40,810 --> 00:31:42,177
Empty my pockets?
812
00:31:44,313 --> 00:31:45,715
All right. That's...
813
00:31:46,816 --> 00:31:48,250
Let's see how this goes.
814
00:31:51,354 --> 00:31:53,387
Not a regular cop, I assume.
815
00:31:53,389 --> 00:31:56,757
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?
816
00:31:56,759 --> 00:31:58,794
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.
817
00:31:59,395 --> 00:32:00,561
(EXHALES)
818
00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:04,298
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...
819
00:32:04,300 --> 00:32:07,868
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.
820
00:32:07,870 --> 00:32:10,537
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.
821
00:32:10,539 --> 00:32:11,805
That's energy powder.
822
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:15,411
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in
823
00:32:16,278 --> 00:32:19,346
when inhaling it medicinally.
824
00:32:19,348 --> 00:32:21,815
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,
825
00:32:21,817 --> 00:32:23,486
which I have
a prescription for.
826
00:32:24,487 --> 00:32:25,821
And that's a blunt.
827
00:32:28,257 --> 00:32:30,259
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
828
00:32:31,861 --> 00:32:33,195
Ooh.
829
00:32:34,864 --> 00:32:35,865
Hi.
830
00:32:39,902 --> 00:32:41,602
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
831
00:32:41,604 --> 00:32:42,672
MAGGIE: Wow.
832
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,306
Will you sign this, please?
833
00:32:46,308 --> 00:32:48,509
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.
834
00:32:48,511 --> 00:32:49,576
A non-disclosure agreement?
835
00:32:49,578 --> 00:32:51,880
- That's right.
- Okay.
836
00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:53,547
- (WHISPERS) Oh, my God.
- CHARLOTTE: Fred.
837
00:32:53,549 --> 00:32:55,349
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.
838
00:32:55,351 --> 00:32:56,684
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.
839
00:32:56,686 --> 00:32:57,685
Take a seat.
840
00:32:57,687 --> 00:32:59,888
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.
841
00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:01,722
Oh, yeah, you know what?
842
00:33:01,724 --> 00:33:03,323
I actually think
the brim of my hat
843
00:33:03,325 --> 00:33:04,893
kind of protected
my face ultimately.
844
00:33:04,895 --> 00:33:07,294
So, thank God I was
underdressed in the end, right?
845
00:33:07,296 --> 00:33:09,263
Well, as long as you're good.
846
00:33:09,265 --> 00:33:10,664
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.
847
00:33:10,666 --> 00:33:11,734
FRED: Uh...
848
00:33:13,536 --> 00:33:14,969
Why am I here?
849
00:33:14,971 --> 00:33:16,570
What I'm about to
share with you
850
00:33:16,572 --> 00:33:18,706
is, obviously,
highly confidential.
851
00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:19,808
Oh, yeah.
852
00:33:19,810 --> 00:33:21,243
Keep it
on the down low.
853
00:33:22,746 --> 00:33:25,414
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.
854
00:33:25,716 --> 00:33:26,781
Really?
855
00:33:26,783 --> 00:33:28,449
(SOFTLY) Yes.
856
00:33:28,451 --> 00:33:32,453
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.
857
00:33:32,455 --> 00:33:35,556
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?
858
00:33:35,558 --> 00:33:36,623
I mean, but seriously.
859
00:33:36,625 --> 00:33:37,792
Did he just realize
he sucks at it
860
00:33:37,794 --> 00:33:39,526
and decide
not to do it anymore?
861
00:33:39,528 --> 00:33:43,464
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.
862
00:33:43,466 --> 00:33:44,933
- Really?
- Yeah.
863
00:33:44,935 --> 00:33:46,835
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.
864
00:33:46,837 --> 00:33:49,671
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.
865
00:33:49,673 --> 00:33:51,405
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...
866
00:33:51,407 --> 00:33:52,473
Jennifer Aniston.
867
00:33:52,475 --> 00:33:54,075
Mmm, did she though?
868
00:33:54,077 --> 00:33:55,777
You don't think Jennifer
Aniston's a movie star?
869
00:33:55,779 --> 00:33:56,845
Just 'cause
you star in movies
870
00:33:56,847 --> 00:33:57,912
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.
871
00:33:57,914 --> 00:34:00,048
The point is...
872
00:34:00,050 --> 00:34:02,853
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.
873
00:34:03,352 --> 00:34:04,418
Wow.
874
00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:05,754
- I know.
- Mazel tov.
875
00:34:05,756 --> 00:34:06,888
(CHUCKLES) So.
876
00:34:06,890 --> 00:34:08,957
We're headed to
an environmental summit
877
00:34:08,959 --> 00:34:10,390
hosted by King Gustav
878
00:34:10,392 --> 00:34:12,026
and the Swedish Royal Family.
879
00:34:12,028 --> 00:34:14,328
At the summit,
I'll be announcing
880
00:34:14,330 --> 00:34:16,430
that the world's
three largest polluters
881
00:34:16,432 --> 00:34:17,799
have signed on
to the most comprehensive
882
00:34:17,801 --> 00:34:19,801
and exciting
environmental deal ever.
883
00:34:19,803 --> 00:34:21,069
You know,
after I have some dairy,
884
00:34:21,071 --> 00:34:22,937
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.
885
00:34:22,939 --> 00:34:24,105
Excuse me?
886
00:34:24,107 --> 00:34:26,508
We'll address
rising sea levels,
887
00:34:26,510 --> 00:34:28,109
combat deforestation
888
00:34:28,111 --> 00:34:30,445
and protect
the world's pollinators.
889
00:34:30,447 --> 00:34:33,548
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.
890
00:34:33,550 --> 00:34:34,816
Internally,
we're referring to it
891
00:34:34,818 --> 00:34:36,117
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."
892
00:34:36,119 --> 00:34:37,652
CHARLOTTE: Soon after that,
893
00:34:37,654 --> 00:34:39,988
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.
894
00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:42,490
- Wow.
- At which point...
895
00:34:42,492 --> 00:34:44,859
I will resign
as secretary of state.
896
00:34:44,861 --> 00:34:47,862
Using this initiative
as a springboard,
897
00:34:47,864 --> 00:34:50,064
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.
898
00:34:50,066 --> 00:34:51,668
- Cool.
- So...
899
00:34:53,570 --> 00:34:56,137
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.
900
00:34:56,139 --> 00:34:58,473
I read your work
and I really like it.
901
00:34:58,475 --> 00:34:59,674
That's... Wow.
902
00:34:59,676 --> 00:35:01,376
You mentioned
you were between jobs.
903
00:35:01,378 --> 00:35:02,343
So it's a really good fit.
904
00:35:02,345 --> 00:35:04,913
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,
905
00:35:04,915 --> 00:35:07,415
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.
906
00:35:07,417 --> 00:35:08,716
I look forward
to working with you.
907
00:35:08,718 --> 00:35:09,719
Thank you.
908
00:35:11,855 --> 00:35:14,724
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?
909
00:35:15,992 --> 00:35:18,126
(CHUCKLING) What?
I don't understand.
910
00:35:18,128 --> 00:35:20,162
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,
911
00:35:20,164 --> 00:35:21,731
your punch-up job?
912
00:35:23,134 --> 00:35:24,599
Right now.
913
00:35:24,601 --> 00:35:27,169
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,
914
00:35:27,171 --> 00:35:29,871
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?
915
00:35:29,873 --> 00:35:32,141
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!
916
00:35:32,143 --> 00:35:33,242
You know what,
Madam Secretary,
917
00:35:33,244 --> 00:35:35,177
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.
918
00:35:35,179 --> 00:35:37,948
So I can give you
some writing samples...
919
00:35:42,953 --> 00:35:44,953
What don't you know?
920
00:35:44,955 --> 00:35:47,488
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.
921
00:35:47,490 --> 00:35:49,124
Is it actually
going to do something?
922
00:35:49,126 --> 00:35:50,792
Or is it going to be
one of those things
923
00:35:50,794 --> 00:35:52,827
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,
924
00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,562
but doesn't
actually do something?
925
00:35:54,564 --> 00:35:57,099
I only wanna come work for you
926
00:35:57,101 --> 00:35:58,666
if it's actually
gonna do something.
927
00:35:58,668 --> 00:35:59,969
It will do something.
928
00:35:59,971 --> 00:36:01,836
This is a perfect document.
929
00:36:01,838 --> 00:36:04,139
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.
930
00:36:04,141 --> 00:36:05,074
Fred.
931
00:36:05,076 --> 00:36:07,542
Not only does this
initiative sound good,
932
00:36:07,544 --> 00:36:08,409
it's going to do good.
933
00:36:08,411 --> 00:36:10,778
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.
934
00:36:10,780 --> 00:36:12,948
Not to mention,
pay your rent.
935
00:36:12,950 --> 00:36:14,216
So, are you in?
936
00:36:14,218 --> 00:36:16,854
Or do you have something
more important to do?
937
00:36:17,855 --> 00:36:19,522
Than save the planet with you?
938
00:36:21,225 --> 00:36:23,859
No, I don't. (CHUCKLES)
I'm in.
939
00:36:23,861 --> 00:36:25,693
Phew! (CHUCKLES)
940
00:36:25,695 --> 00:36:26,964
Let's save the planet.
941
00:36:27,631 --> 00:36:28,596
That was...
942
00:36:28,598 --> 00:36:30,700
What just happened?
She's good. (LAUGHS)
943
00:36:55,192 --> 00:36:56,258
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
944
00:36:56,260 --> 00:36:57,228
FRED: Uh, hey.
945
00:36:59,163 --> 00:37:01,163
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,
946
00:37:01,165 --> 00:37:02,599
maybe, if you have a second.
947
00:37:05,903 --> 00:37:08,505
What are you...
What are you looking at?
948
00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:12,908
- (GASPS)
- (YELPS)
949
00:37:12,910 --> 00:37:13,976
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!
950
00:37:13,978 --> 00:37:16,211
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?
951
00:37:16,213 --> 00:37:17,746
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!
952
00:37:17,748 --> 00:37:19,514
I was micro napping.
953
00:37:19,516 --> 00:37:21,283
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.
954
00:37:21,285 --> 00:37:22,952
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.
955
00:37:22,954 --> 00:37:24,520
You were standing
and your eyes were open.
956
00:37:24,522 --> 00:37:25,587
Do you need something?
957
00:37:25,589 --> 00:37:26,689
I have some jokes
that I wrote
958
00:37:26,691 --> 00:37:28,691
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.
959
00:37:28,693 --> 00:37:30,159
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.
960
00:37:30,161 --> 00:37:32,194
Great. Seemed very restful.
961
00:37:32,196 --> 00:37:33,197
(SIGHS) Okay.
962
00:37:36,100 --> 00:37:37,032
Whoa.
963
00:37:37,034 --> 00:37:40,636
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.
964
00:37:40,638 --> 00:37:42,938
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?
965
00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:44,840
"With every
fracking drill thrust,
966
00:37:44,842 --> 00:37:47,676
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?
967
00:37:47,678 --> 00:37:48,844
It can be normal fucking.
968
00:37:48,846 --> 00:37:50,212
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.
969
00:37:50,214 --> 00:37:51,280
I can take that part out.
970
00:37:51,282 --> 00:37:52,848
Yeah, listen, Fred.
971
00:37:52,850 --> 00:37:54,249
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.
972
00:37:54,251 --> 00:37:55,851
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.
973
00:37:55,853 --> 00:37:57,586
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
974
00:37:57,588 --> 00:37:58,854
My job's hard.
975
00:37:58,856 --> 00:38:00,823
Not as hard as mine.
976
00:38:00,825 --> 00:38:02,624
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem
977
00:38:02,626 --> 00:38:04,893
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,
978
00:38:04,895 --> 00:38:07,029
like, personal experiences.
979
00:38:07,031 --> 00:38:07,930
I was thinking, you know,
980
00:38:07,932 --> 00:38:09,898
you cared a lot
about the environment
981
00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:11,066
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.
982
00:38:11,068 --> 00:38:14,803
So maybe include
some stories about that.
983
00:38:14,805 --> 00:38:16,173
- High school?
- Yeah.
984
00:38:17,742 --> 00:38:19,008
You think that's funny?
985
00:38:19,010 --> 00:38:20,109
I think it's a good area.
986
00:38:20,111 --> 00:38:22,177
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.
987
00:38:22,179 --> 00:38:23,279
People love that.
988
00:38:23,281 --> 00:38:25,114
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.
989
00:38:25,116 --> 00:38:27,283
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.
990
00:38:27,285 --> 00:38:28,884
No, you did
so much more than that.
991
00:38:28,886 --> 00:38:31,587
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point
992
00:38:31,589 --> 00:38:32,921
when you were running
for Student Council.
993
00:38:32,923 --> 00:38:35,758
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school
994
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,960
"pretends to care
about the underdog,
995
00:38:37,962 --> 00:38:39,129
"but the planet Earth is
996
00:38:39,131 --> 00:38:40,330
"the biggest underdog
of them all."
997
00:38:40,332 --> 00:38:41,630
Something like that.
998
00:38:41,632 --> 00:38:42,731
I said that?
999
00:38:42,733 --> 00:38:44,134
Yeah, you did say that.
1000
00:38:44,136 --> 00:38:46,035
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.
1001
00:38:46,037 --> 00:38:48,837
We were making signs
for your election.
1002
00:38:48,839 --> 00:38:51,074
And you were
wearing that shirt.
1003
00:38:51,076 --> 00:38:53,042
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,
1004
00:38:53,044 --> 00:38:54,279
it always confused me.
1005
00:38:54,812 --> 00:38:55,878
It was both.
1006
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,813
Oh, there you go.
1007
00:38:57,815 --> 00:38:59,648
That's all I remember
about that night, though.
1008
00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:01,184
Uh, that's where my memories
1009
00:39:01,186 --> 00:39:04,686
concerning that evening
expire.
1010
00:39:04,688 --> 00:39:07,157
I learned a lot
from that election.
1011
00:39:07,159 --> 00:39:08,724
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely
1012
00:39:08,726 --> 00:39:10,126
to vote for two proms
1013
00:39:10,128 --> 00:39:12,628
than a very elaborate
recycling program.
1014
00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:14,230
- (CHUCKLES)
- Not only kids.
1015
00:39:14,232 --> 00:39:17,167
Yeah, that's true.
1016
00:39:17,169 --> 00:39:21,004
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?
1017
00:39:21,006 --> 00:39:22,172
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.
1018
00:39:22,174 --> 00:39:23,339
After he beat you?
1019
00:39:23,341 --> 00:39:25,676
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?
1020
00:39:27,012 --> 00:39:28,011
Oh!
1021
00:39:28,013 --> 00:39:30,846
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.
1022
00:39:30,848 --> 00:39:31,948
(SIGHS AND LAUGHS)
1023
00:39:31,950 --> 00:39:34,650
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.
1024
00:39:34,652 --> 00:39:36,752
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.
1025
00:39:36,754 --> 00:39:38,855
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.
1026
00:39:38,857 --> 00:39:42,094
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...
1027
00:39:44,229 --> 00:39:47,163
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.
1028
00:39:47,165 --> 00:39:48,166
Great.
1029
00:39:48,699 --> 00:39:49,765
Hey, Fred.
1030
00:39:49,767 --> 00:39:51,733
Yeah.
1031
00:39:51,735 --> 00:39:54,037
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,
1032
00:39:54,039 --> 00:39:54,971
just go ahead.
1033
00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:57,974
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?
1034
00:39:57,976 --> 00:40:00,011
Yeah. Just write.
1035
00:40:01,213 --> 00:40:02,881
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.
1036
00:40:03,448 --> 00:40:04,613
If you take another nap,
1037
00:40:04,615 --> 00:40:07,016
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.
1038
00:40:07,018 --> 00:40:08,918
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.
1039
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,687
That's actually
a really good idea.
1040
00:40:10,689 --> 00:40:11,821
It is. I want you
to be careful.
1041
00:40:11,823 --> 00:40:12,956
- Yeah.
- We need you.
1042
00:40:12,958 --> 00:40:14,059
(CHUCKLES)
1043
00:40:15,894 --> 00:40:17,896
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (BAND PLAYING)
1044
00:40:19,464 --> 00:40:21,666
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
1045
00:40:29,307 --> 00:40:30,874
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.
1046
00:40:30,876 --> 00:40:32,175
Nice to see you again.
1047
00:40:32,177 --> 00:40:33,178
Yeah, you too.
1048
00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:36,880
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.
1049
00:40:36,882 --> 00:40:37,981
Yes.
1050
00:40:37,983 --> 00:40:39,349
Uh, Madam Secretary,
1051
00:40:39,351 --> 00:40:40,717
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.
1052
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:41,918
Yeah, soon, Fred.
1053
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,153
Tom, do you have the schedule?
1054
00:40:43,155 --> 00:40:44,856
- TOM: Yes, of course, ma'am.
- (SIGHS) All right.
1055
00:40:47,926 --> 00:40:49,127
MAGGIE: In the back, Flarsky!
1056
00:40:50,795 --> 00:40:52,195
TOM: Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.
1057
00:40:52,197 --> 00:40:55,131
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,
1058
00:40:55,133 --> 00:40:57,200
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer
1059
00:40:57,202 --> 00:40:58,368
about deforestation issues.
1060
00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:01,771
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green
1061
00:41:01,773 --> 00:41:03,973
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.
1062
00:41:03,975 --> 00:41:06,142
2:25, then you have
a call with New York Times
1063
00:41:06,144 --> 00:41:08,378
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack
1064
00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:10,747
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.
1065
00:41:10,749 --> 00:41:11,814
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head
1066
00:41:11,816 --> 00:41:12,882
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,
1067
00:41:12,884 --> 00:41:15,818
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.
1068
00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:17,120
Okay. And then after that?
1069
00:41:17,122 --> 00:41:18,422
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get
1070
00:41:18,424 --> 00:41:19,923
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.
1071
00:41:19,925 --> 00:41:22,158
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.
1072
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,462
Yeah, sure. Um...
1073
00:41:24,129 --> 00:41:26,262
So, uh, you know,
1074
00:41:26,264 --> 00:41:28,097
based on what we were
talking about last night,
1075
00:41:28,099 --> 00:41:30,967
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.
1076
00:41:30,969 --> 00:41:32,902
(CLICKS TONGUE)
That's good.
1077
00:41:32,904 --> 00:41:35,472
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.
1078
00:41:35,474 --> 00:41:38,041
Okay, well, you said you
didn't want to sound too angry.
1079
00:41:38,043 --> 00:41:40,477
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.
1080
00:41:40,479 --> 00:41:42,178
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.
1081
00:41:42,180 --> 00:41:43,547
Great. Thanks.
1082
00:41:43,549 --> 00:41:45,782
Okay, here we go.
1083
00:41:45,784 --> 00:41:47,183
- (SIGHS)
- So...
1084
00:41:47,185 --> 00:41:48,787
All right.
1085
00:41:49,854 --> 00:41:50,954
Fred.
1086
00:41:50,956 --> 00:41:52,389
Yeah?
1087
00:41:52,391 --> 00:41:54,926
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?
1088
00:41:59,030 --> 00:42:00,029
I was gonna...
I was thinking
1089
00:42:00,031 --> 00:42:02,299
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.
1090
00:42:02,301 --> 00:42:03,234
That's kind of
a little more...
1091
00:42:03,236 --> 00:42:04,867
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.
1092
00:42:04,869 --> 00:42:05,902
MAGGIE: You know what,
Madam Secretary,
1093
00:42:05,904 --> 00:42:09,939
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.
1094
00:42:09,941 --> 00:42:11,208
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled
1095
00:42:11,210 --> 00:42:13,444
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.
1096
00:42:13,446 --> 00:42:14,545
What a fun adventure.
1097
00:42:14,547 --> 00:42:16,879
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.
1098
00:42:16,881 --> 00:42:18,082
Thank you, Fred.
1099
00:42:18,084 --> 00:42:18,982
FRED: Why, thank you.
1100
00:42:18,984 --> 00:42:20,284
MAGGIE: ...and then
it's saying hello,
1101
00:42:20,286 --> 00:42:21,418
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,
1102
00:42:21,420 --> 00:42:22,819
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?
1103
00:42:22,821 --> 00:42:23,920
Why are we waiting?
1104
00:42:23,922 --> 00:42:25,522
What, is he doing his hair?
1105
00:42:25,524 --> 00:42:27,126
- (SIGHS)
- Um...
1106
00:42:27,526 --> 00:42:29,293
Oh.
1107
00:42:29,295 --> 00:42:31,930
- TOM: What the...
- (CHARLOTTE LAUGHING)
1108
00:42:36,102 --> 00:42:37,401
What the fuck
are you wearing?
1109
00:42:37,403 --> 00:42:39,436
She bought me
this shit. Okay?
1110
00:42:39,438 --> 00:42:41,238
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.
1111
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:44,041
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here
1112
00:42:44,043 --> 00:42:45,342
dressed like this.
1113
00:42:45,344 --> 00:42:47,544
It's all I could do
on such short notice.
1114
00:42:47,546 --> 00:42:50,214
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.
1115
00:42:50,216 --> 00:42:53,785
It's just... Make it look...
Oh, my God.
1116
00:42:56,389 --> 00:42:58,222
Better with
the jacket on? Great.
1117
00:42:58,224 --> 00:43:00,224
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.
1118
00:43:00,226 --> 00:43:01,358
Calm the Smurf down.
1119
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,428
Bring a fucking suit
next time.
1120
00:43:07,199 --> 00:43:08,432
(CLEARS THROAT)
1121
00:43:08,434 --> 00:43:09,500
Do you like the speech?
1122
00:43:09,502 --> 00:43:10,668
Yes, the speech is good.
1123
00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:13,170
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.
1124
00:43:13,172 --> 00:43:14,938
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.
1125
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,006
On what?
1126
00:43:16,008 --> 00:43:17,207
Getting India and China
to agree
1127
00:43:17,209 --> 00:43:18,275
to be a part
of this initiative.
1128
00:43:18,277 --> 00:43:20,611
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?
1129
00:43:20,613 --> 00:43:23,047
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.
1130
00:43:23,049 --> 00:43:24,148
We just wrote
a whole speech
1131
00:43:24,150 --> 00:43:25,316
about how
they're on-board already.
1132
00:43:25,318 --> 00:43:26,519
Don't worry, Fred.
1133
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,286
You just stay here
and make sure
1134
00:43:29,288 --> 00:43:32,489
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?
1135
00:43:32,491 --> 00:43:33,891
I don't know
why you needed a writer.
1136
00:43:33,893 --> 00:43:35,059
Those are sick burns.
1137
00:43:35,061 --> 00:43:36,460
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1138
00:43:36,462 --> 00:43:38,962
CRIER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1139
00:43:38,964 --> 00:43:41,000
of the United States
of America.
1140
00:43:43,369 --> 00:43:45,235
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.
1141
00:43:45,237 --> 00:43:46,572
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.
1142
00:43:52,545 --> 00:43:54,013
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh.
1143
00:43:56,248 --> 00:43:58,616
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.
1144
00:43:58,618 --> 00:44:00,252
And you know you are, too.
1145
00:44:01,655 --> 00:44:02,787
I do know that.
1146
00:44:02,789 --> 00:44:05,189
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,
1147
00:44:05,191 --> 00:44:07,492
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.
1148
00:44:07,494 --> 00:44:10,196
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.
1149
00:44:11,531 --> 00:44:13,097
(MAN SPEAKING SWEDISH)
1150
00:44:13,099 --> 00:44:14,532
FRED: Oh no, fuck me.
1151
00:44:14,534 --> 00:44:17,034
(MAN SPEAKING SWEDISH)
1152
00:44:17,036 --> 00:44:18,670
- Yes.
- (CONTINUES IN SWEDISH)
1153
00:44:18,672 --> 00:44:22,272
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.
1154
00:44:22,274 --> 00:44:24,676
- (CONTINUES IN SWEDISH)
- Yes, you look great.
1155
00:44:24,678 --> 00:44:26,043
- Congratulations.
- Skal.
1156
00:44:26,045 --> 00:44:27,612
Skal. Skal to you, too.
1157
00:44:27,614 --> 00:44:30,517
- (SPEAKS SWEDISH)
- Yes. (SPEAKS SWEDISH)
1158
00:44:32,619 --> 00:44:33,620
Jesus.
1159
00:44:36,222 --> 00:44:39,223
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.
1160
00:44:39,225 --> 00:44:40,224
What?
1161
00:44:40,226 --> 00:44:42,394
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,
1162
00:44:42,396 --> 00:44:44,362
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines
1163
00:44:44,364 --> 00:44:45,463
for the "Trees" section, okay?
1164
00:44:45,465 --> 00:44:46,698
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1165
00:44:46,700 --> 00:44:49,367
Losing the Seas part, why?
1166
00:44:49,369 --> 00:44:50,769
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.
1167
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:53,538
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.
1168
00:44:53,540 --> 00:44:56,006
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?
1169
00:44:56,008 --> 00:44:57,107
Yeah, it's gone.
1170
00:44:57,109 --> 00:44:58,075
And there's nothing
we can do?
1171
00:44:58,077 --> 00:44:59,176
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.
1172
00:44:59,178 --> 00:45:03,214
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.
1173
00:45:03,216 --> 00:45:04,217
Well, no.
1174
00:45:05,218 --> 00:45:06,718
I'm not gonna do that.
1175
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:08,620
So you quit,
resignation accepted.
1176
00:45:08,622 --> 00:45:10,188
I will rewrite the speech.
1177
00:45:10,190 --> 00:45:11,289
Oh, the fuck you will!
1178
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,392
What the fuck?
1179
00:45:13,493 --> 00:45:15,460
(ALL GASP)
1180
00:45:15,462 --> 00:45:17,397
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1181
00:45:22,202 --> 00:45:23,637
- MAGGIE: You don't...
- FRED: Let go!
1182
00:45:28,375 --> 00:45:29,676
(GUEST GASPING)
1183
00:45:31,711 --> 00:45:32,811
FRED: Look out. Excuse me!
1184
00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:34,512
MAGGIE: Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!
1185
00:45:34,514 --> 00:45:35,613
Fred, stop running!
1186
00:45:35,615 --> 00:45:37,417
(GUEST MURMURING)
1187
00:45:38,285 --> 00:45:39,286
Fred...
1188
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:41,254
(EXCLAIMS)
1189
00:45:44,357 --> 00:45:45,423
Why did you do that?
1190
00:45:45,425 --> 00:45:47,358
Because I will not
have you damage
1191
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:48,693
the integrity of my writing!
1192
00:45:48,695 --> 00:45:50,695
The integrity of your writing?
1193
00:45:50,697 --> 00:45:53,231
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!
1194
00:45:53,233 --> 00:45:54,732
What is going on?
1195
00:45:54,734 --> 00:45:56,434
What's going on
with you, bruh?
1196
00:45:56,436 --> 00:45:57,469
Did you just
call me "bruh"?
1197
00:45:57,471 --> 00:46:00,238
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?
1198
00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:02,440
MAGGIE: He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.
1199
00:46:02,442 --> 00:46:04,110
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.
1200
00:46:06,813 --> 00:46:08,346
What's the deal, Fred?
1201
00:46:08,348 --> 00:46:11,149
What's the deal?
What's the deal? What are...
1202
00:46:11,151 --> 00:46:13,117
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me
1203
00:46:13,119 --> 00:46:14,419
you cared about this shit,
1204
00:46:14,421 --> 00:46:16,688
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,
1205
00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:19,524
you fucking got rid of a massive
element of the whole thing.
1206
00:46:19,526 --> 00:46:22,828
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.
1207
00:46:22,830 --> 00:46:26,064
That one was the seas.
1208
00:46:26,066 --> 00:46:28,500
It covers 75% of the planet!
1209
00:46:28,502 --> 00:46:30,435
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.
1210
00:46:30,437 --> 00:46:31,536
You know why I'm upset?
1211
00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:33,638
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.
1212
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,774
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.
1213
00:46:35,776 --> 00:46:38,543
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.
1214
00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:39,812
I wanted to write for you.
1215
00:46:39,814 --> 00:46:41,546
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.
1216
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:44,349
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.
1217
00:46:44,351 --> 00:46:46,284
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,
1218
00:46:46,286 --> 00:46:49,420
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,
1219
00:46:49,422 --> 00:46:51,289
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs
1220
00:46:51,291 --> 00:46:52,758
in whose fucking end zones!
1221
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,325
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.
1222
00:46:54,327 --> 00:46:55,560
Let me try it with food.
1223
00:46:55,562 --> 00:46:57,830
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.
1224
00:46:57,832 --> 00:47:00,532
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?
1225
00:47:00,534 --> 00:47:03,234
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.
1226
00:47:03,236 --> 00:47:05,103
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.
1227
00:47:05,105 --> 00:47:06,137
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,
1228
00:47:06,139 --> 00:47:08,373
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.
1229
00:47:08,375 --> 00:47:10,108
You cared more about
recycling in high school
1230
00:47:10,110 --> 00:47:12,212
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.
1231
00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:15,714
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.
1232
00:47:15,716 --> 00:47:16,882
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,
1233
00:47:16,884 --> 00:47:18,216
it's on my computer
in the snow.
1234
00:47:18,218 --> 00:47:19,718
I have copies, you idiot.
1235
00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:22,088
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.
1236
00:47:23,189 --> 00:47:25,458
Oh, no! Shit!
1237
00:47:26,627 --> 00:47:28,694
Oh, God damn it!
1238
00:47:28,696 --> 00:47:31,429
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!
1239
00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:33,166
I need a big bowl of rice!
1240
00:47:34,502 --> 00:47:37,736
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?
1241
00:47:37,738 --> 00:47:39,306
All my shit's on here.
1242
00:47:49,650 --> 00:47:51,151
CHARLOTTE: Fred. Look.
1243
00:47:54,855 --> 00:47:56,057
Wow.
1244
00:47:59,927 --> 00:48:02,095
I've never seen
anything like that.
1245
00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:05,466
No, I...
1246
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,436
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...
1247
00:48:09,637 --> 00:48:10,638
...actually...
1248
00:48:12,573 --> 00:48:14,675
I never saw it. (SNIFFLES)
1249
00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:17,278
Are you crying right now?
1250
00:48:18,211 --> 00:48:19,212
It's pretty.
1251
00:48:23,718 --> 00:48:24,719
Yeah.
1252
00:48:27,288 --> 00:48:28,289
Fred?
1253
00:48:28,723 --> 00:48:29,724
(SNIFFLES) Yeah?
1254
00:48:31,225 --> 00:48:33,459
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,
1255
00:48:33,461 --> 00:48:34,795
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.
1256
00:48:37,298 --> 00:48:39,166
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.
1257
00:48:40,901 --> 00:48:43,404
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.
1258
00:48:46,207 --> 00:48:50,409
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.
1259
00:48:50,411 --> 00:48:54,847
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.
1260
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,718
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.
1261
00:48:59,453 --> 00:49:02,254
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,
1262
00:49:02,256 --> 00:49:05,660
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.
1263
00:49:08,729 --> 00:49:11,296
Which makes you
extremely popular,
1264
00:49:11,298 --> 00:49:13,799
especially when everybody
would rather be watching
1265
00:49:13,801 --> 00:49:15,868
Beverly Hills, 90210.
1266
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:17,505
(ALL LAUGH)
1267
00:49:19,907 --> 00:49:22,574
But that is why I am happy
to announce
1268
00:49:22,576 --> 00:49:25,844
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.
1269
00:49:25,846 --> 00:49:28,347
In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"
1270
00:49:28,349 --> 00:49:30,616
the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood
1271
00:49:30,618 --> 00:49:31,918
and passion
for the environment
1272
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,520
by announcing
a bold new initiative...
1273
00:49:34,522 --> 00:49:37,623
...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman
1274
00:49:37,625 --> 00:49:39,794
in the body of a Kelly Taylor.
1275
00:49:41,662 --> 00:49:43,464
- Hey.
- Hi.
1276
00:49:44,632 --> 00:49:46,331
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.
1277
00:49:46,333 --> 00:49:47,599
I did. I cleaned it up.
1278
00:49:47,601 --> 00:49:49,803
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.
1279
00:49:49,805 --> 00:49:50,970
Looks good.
1280
00:49:50,972 --> 00:49:52,806
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...
1281
00:49:52,808 --> 00:49:54,874
I, uh...
1282
00:49:54,876 --> 00:49:58,377
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,
1283
00:49:58,379 --> 00:50:01,714
for acting a little crazy,
you know.
1284
00:50:01,716 --> 00:50:03,382
I'm gonna...
1285
00:50:03,384 --> 00:50:04,616
I'm going to really try
to tone it down
1286
00:50:04,618 --> 00:50:08,289
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.
1287
00:50:08,656 --> 00:50:09,758
Good. Great.
1288
00:50:10,391 --> 00:50:11,523
Also.
1289
00:50:11,525 --> 00:50:13,059
I googled speech writing
1290
00:50:13,061 --> 00:50:14,861
and it was
actually very informative.
1291
00:50:14,863 --> 00:50:15,829
What I learned
1292
00:50:15,831 --> 00:50:17,130
was that in order to write
better for you,
1293
00:50:17,132 --> 00:50:20,566
I should kinda get to know you
better and get in your head,
1294
00:50:20,568 --> 00:50:21,701
and everything
I already know about you,
1295
00:50:21,703 --> 00:50:22,902
I kinda used
on the first speech.
1296
00:50:22,904 --> 00:50:24,369
So, what I did
1297
00:50:24,371 --> 00:50:25,772
was I wrote a ton of questions
1298
00:50:25,774 --> 00:50:27,539
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,
1299
00:50:27,541 --> 00:50:28,842
if you have a minute.
1300
00:50:28,844 --> 00:50:30,710
I actually have seven.
1301
00:50:30,712 --> 00:50:32,879
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.
1302
00:50:32,881 --> 00:50:34,379
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.
1303
00:50:34,381 --> 00:50:35,715
(CHUCKLES) Um...
1304
00:50:35,717 --> 00:50:37,684
- Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
- So. Ah... I guess...
1305
00:50:37,686 --> 00:50:38,852
Just like...
What are you into?
1306
00:50:38,854 --> 00:50:40,053
What kind of shit you into?
1307
00:50:40,055 --> 00:50:41,921
Well, this is
pretty much it.
1308
00:50:41,923 --> 00:50:43,723
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.
1309
00:50:43,725 --> 00:50:46,025
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?
1310
00:50:46,027 --> 00:50:47,660
Do you watch Game of Thrones
or anything like that?
1311
00:50:47,662 --> 00:50:49,361
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened
1312
00:50:49,363 --> 00:50:50,864
in every season
of Game of Thrones.
1313
00:50:50,866 --> 00:50:52,699
Because you watch it?
1314
00:50:52,701 --> 00:50:54,834
Because I read synopses
on every episode.
1315
00:50:54,836 --> 00:50:56,503
That can't actually work.
1316
00:50:56,505 --> 00:50:58,403
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon
1317
00:50:58,405 --> 00:50:59,775
(WHISPERS)
came back as a White Walker.
1318
00:51:00,442 --> 00:51:01,741
(WHISPERS) Whoa!
1319
00:51:01,743 --> 00:51:02,842
- See?
- What about movies?
1320
00:51:02,844 --> 00:51:04,110
Do you watch movies?
1321
00:51:04,112 --> 00:51:06,378
Synopses of all
the award contenders.
1322
00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:07,714
You used to love movies!
1323
00:51:07,716 --> 00:51:09,816
You made me watch
Encino Man 30 times.
1324
00:51:09,818 --> 00:51:12,452
"Wheeze a little juice!"
1325
00:51:12,454 --> 00:51:14,521
(LAUGHING) You still do the
worst Pauly Shore impression
1326
00:51:14,523 --> 00:51:16,356
in the history of mankind.
1327
00:51:16,358 --> 00:51:18,792
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"
1328
00:51:18,794 --> 00:51:20,426
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.
1329
00:51:20,428 --> 00:51:23,365
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.
1330
00:51:23,965 --> 00:51:25,632
I am Encino Man.
1331
00:51:25,634 --> 00:51:26,633
(FRED SCOFFS)
1332
00:51:26,635 --> 00:51:29,469
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?
1333
00:51:29,471 --> 00:51:31,504
The Velveteen Rabbit. You?
1334
00:51:31,506 --> 00:51:32,839
Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.
1335
00:51:32,841 --> 00:51:35,008
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
1336
00:51:35,010 --> 00:51:36,910
(GREETS IN VIETNAMESE)
1337
00:51:36,912 --> 00:51:39,412
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.
1338
00:51:39,414 --> 00:51:40,980
Best drug experience?
1339
00:51:40,982 --> 00:51:42,916
I could get summoned
at any moment
1340
00:51:42,918 --> 00:51:44,417
to deal with
an international crisis,
1341
00:51:44,419 --> 00:51:45,752
I can't do that on acid.
1342
00:51:45,754 --> 00:51:47,020
What about Molly?
1343
00:51:47,022 --> 00:51:48,154
Who's Molly?
1344
00:51:48,156 --> 00:51:49,756
(SIGHS)
1345
00:51:49,758 --> 00:51:51,457
REPORTER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1346
00:51:51,459 --> 00:51:54,561
continues on her impressive
20-country world tour
1347
00:51:54,563 --> 00:51:55,962
to garner more support
1348
00:51:55,964 --> 00:51:57,697
for her ambitious
environmental initiative.
1349
00:51:57,699 --> 00:51:59,532
And all in a private jet,
no less.
1350
00:51:59,534 --> 00:52:01,034
You know what would
save the environment?
1351
00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:02,836
Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.
1352
00:52:02,838 --> 00:52:04,437
I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.
1353
00:52:04,439 --> 00:52:06,773
(LAUGHS) Oh, I walked
right into that one.
1354
00:52:06,775 --> 00:52:08,975
Must Have Been Love
by Roxette.
1355
00:52:08,977 --> 00:52:11,511
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?
1356
00:52:11,513 --> 00:52:12,979
- I got a new one.
- (MUFFLED) What?
1357
00:52:12,981 --> 00:52:14,414
I got to change
my favorite song.
1358
00:52:14,416 --> 00:52:16,049
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.
1359
00:52:16,051 --> 00:52:19,086
Broccoli by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.
1360
00:52:19,088 --> 00:52:20,653
All those words
1361
00:52:20,655 --> 00:52:22,555
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.
1362
00:52:22,557 --> 00:52:23,556
CHARLOTTE: I don't
really think I have one.
1363
00:52:23,558 --> 00:52:25,825
FRED: You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.
1364
00:52:25,827 --> 00:52:27,794
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.
1365
00:52:27,796 --> 00:52:29,696
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.
1366
00:52:29,698 --> 00:52:31,798
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!
1367
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,734
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God. Okay.
1368
00:52:34,736 --> 00:52:36,973
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1369
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,807
I mean, you know, front.
1370
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:42,508
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- (LAUGHING) Oh, my God.
1371
00:52:42,510 --> 00:52:44,078
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.
1372
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:45,045
Look at you.
1373
00:52:45,047 --> 00:52:47,147
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?
1374
00:52:47,149 --> 00:52:49,183
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?
1375
00:52:49,185 --> 00:52:51,386
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1376
00:52:52,088 --> 00:52:53,890
It's too complicated
to explain.
1377
00:52:55,057 --> 00:52:56,825
- Really?
- I told you mine.
1378
00:52:57,525 --> 00:52:59,525
Oh, God, okay. (SIGHS)
1379
00:52:59,527 --> 00:53:01,996
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.
1380
00:53:01,998 --> 00:53:03,964
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting
1381
00:53:03,966 --> 00:53:06,566
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.
1382
00:53:06,568 --> 00:53:08,701
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1383
00:53:08,703 --> 00:53:12,739
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.
1384
00:53:12,741 --> 00:53:13,809
Oh, no.
1385
00:53:14,509 --> 00:53:15,477
Delhi belly.
1386
00:53:17,747 --> 00:53:21,714
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.
1387
00:53:21,716 --> 00:53:23,052
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.
1388
00:53:23,853 --> 00:53:25,119
God...
1389
00:53:25,121 --> 00:53:29,123
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.
1390
00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:31,557
- You puked in it?
- Nope.
1391
00:53:31,559 --> 00:53:34,762
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?
1392
00:53:34,764 --> 00:53:37,597
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN ON TV)
1393
00:53:37,599 --> 00:53:39,833
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?
1394
00:53:39,835 --> 00:53:42,236
Yes, I speak Russian.
1395
00:53:42,238 --> 00:53:44,705
FRED: The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.
1396
00:53:44,707 --> 00:53:47,076
Do svidanya,
motherfuckers!
1397
00:53:47,910 --> 00:53:49,946
- (GASPS)
- (GUNFIRE ON TV)
1398
00:53:51,580 --> 00:53:53,914
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!
1399
00:53:53,916 --> 00:53:55,149
But he's keeping
the team together.
1400
00:53:55,151 --> 00:53:56,216
I know.
1401
00:53:56,218 --> 00:53:57,618
I don't think
I can handle that.
1402
00:53:57,620 --> 00:53:58,686
- Oh, it's okay.
- No,
1403
00:53:58,688 --> 00:54:00,821
I really liked him
in the movie.
1404
00:54:00,823 --> 00:54:02,089
Don't worry,
just keep watching.
1405
00:54:02,091 --> 00:54:04,825
FRED: You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.
1406
00:54:04,827 --> 00:54:06,660
Because it's pretty nice here.
1407
00:54:06,662 --> 00:54:09,063
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.
1408
00:54:09,065 --> 00:54:10,531
This is good.
1409
00:54:10,533 --> 00:54:11,699
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1410
00:54:11,701 --> 00:54:16,737
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?
1411
00:54:16,739 --> 00:54:18,005
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech
1412
00:54:18,007 --> 00:54:19,606
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss
1413
00:54:19,608 --> 00:54:22,076
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.
1414
00:54:22,078 --> 00:54:23,277
- "I quit."
- (LAUGHING)
1415
00:54:23,279 --> 00:54:25,713
- That's not bad.
- I love that.
1416
00:54:25,715 --> 00:54:27,681
This is really fucking good.
1417
00:54:27,683 --> 00:54:29,850
Look at you, you get me, Fred.
1418
00:54:29,852 --> 00:54:32,052
I totally get you.
1419
00:54:32,054 --> 00:54:33,887
♪ All I want for my birthday
1420
00:54:33,889 --> 00:54:35,723
♪ Is a big booty ho
1421
00:54:35,725 --> 00:54:37,191
♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪
1422
00:54:37,193 --> 00:54:38,926
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit
1423
00:54:38,928 --> 00:54:40,728
I played you
from the last decade,
1424
00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:42,296
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.
1425
00:54:42,298 --> 00:54:44,698
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.
1426
00:54:44,700 --> 00:54:45,835
(CHUCKLES)
1427
00:54:49,306 --> 00:54:52,174
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?
1428
00:54:54,677 --> 00:54:56,210
- No. No.
- No.
1429
00:54:56,212 --> 00:54:58,012
I feel like I read...
Did I read that
1430
00:54:58,014 --> 00:54:59,980
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?
1431
00:54:59,982 --> 00:55:02,816
- Maybe it's not true.
- No, I'm sure you did. It's...
1432
00:55:02,818 --> 00:55:05,652
They like to write about it,
but no. I...
1433
00:55:05,654 --> 00:55:08,655
We're not, we... We flirt.
1434
00:55:08,657 --> 00:55:10,057
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.
1435
00:55:10,059 --> 00:55:12,762
It's weird.
We made out once.
1436
00:55:13,629 --> 00:55:14,697
Dope.
1437
00:55:15,031 --> 00:55:16,231
You asked.
1438
00:55:16,233 --> 00:55:18,299
No, hey! I've hooked up with
1439
00:55:18,301 --> 00:55:20,734
my fair share
of world leaders, too.
1440
00:55:20,736 --> 00:55:22,805
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.
1441
00:55:23,739 --> 00:55:25,007
You thought
his beard was big.
1442
00:55:25,741 --> 00:55:26,807
Um...
1443
00:55:26,809 --> 00:55:29,843
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...
1444
00:55:29,845 --> 00:55:31,779
Do you, like, date?
1445
00:55:31,781 --> 00:55:35,584
Uh... Yeah. I date.
1446
00:55:36,286 --> 00:55:38,219
Generally, you know,
1447
00:55:38,221 --> 00:55:40,754
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.
1448
00:55:40,756 --> 00:55:42,259
People who travel a lot.
1449
00:55:44,194 --> 00:55:47,863
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...
1450
00:55:49,199 --> 00:55:51,632
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world
1451
00:55:51,634 --> 00:55:53,970
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?
1452
00:55:54,870 --> 00:55:56,237
- Yeah.
- And honestly,
1453
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,006
guys don't really
want to date women
1454
00:55:58,008 --> 00:55:59,307
who are more powerful
than them.
1455
00:55:59,309 --> 00:56:00,910
They think they do, but...
1456
00:56:02,179 --> 00:56:04,012
It's a dick shriveller.
1457
00:56:04,014 --> 00:56:06,114
- Uff.
- Mmm-hmm.
1458
00:56:06,116 --> 00:56:08,349
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.
1459
00:56:08,351 --> 00:56:10,053
- So...
- (CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
1460
00:56:11,754 --> 00:56:13,687
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?
1461
00:56:13,689 --> 00:56:16,191
- No, I get it.
- (LAUGHING)
1462
00:56:16,193 --> 00:56:18,295
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.
1463
00:56:24,167 --> 00:56:26,034
- (WHOOSHING)
- (GASPS)
1464
00:56:26,036 --> 00:56:28,036
- (EXPLOSION)
- (FRED GRUNTING)
1465
00:56:28,038 --> 00:56:29,170
We're right in front
of the window.
1466
00:56:29,172 --> 00:56:31,172
- (GUNFIRE)
- (EXPLOSION)
1467
00:56:31,174 --> 00:56:32,774
What the fuck is happening?
1468
00:56:32,776 --> 00:56:34,409
Insurgents are fighting
the army.
1469
00:56:34,411 --> 00:56:36,311
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!
1470
00:56:36,313 --> 00:56:37,979
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!
1471
00:56:37,981 --> 00:56:39,314
- (GUNFIRE)
- FRED: Fuck!
1472
00:56:39,316 --> 00:56:40,683
AGENT: This way!
1473
00:56:42,052 --> 00:56:44,052
All right, guys, come with me.
1474
00:56:44,054 --> 00:56:45,654
- Come on.
- (ALL SCREAM)
1475
00:57:10,013 --> 00:57:11,146
Secretary Field, this way!
1476
00:57:11,148 --> 00:57:13,116
- I got her, secure them!
- (FRED GRUNTS)
1477
00:57:14,117 --> 00:57:15,185
This way.
1478
00:57:18,722 --> 00:57:19,890
You'll be safe in here.
1479
00:57:21,191 --> 00:57:23,224
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
1480
00:57:23,226 --> 00:57:24,225
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?
1481
00:57:24,227 --> 00:57:26,227
I'm okay. Yeah. (STAMMERS)
We're okay. Okay.
1482
00:57:26,229 --> 00:57:30,231
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!
1483
00:57:30,233 --> 00:57:33,468
(EXCLAIMS) Oh,
we could have just died.
1484
00:57:33,470 --> 00:57:36,271
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.
1485
00:57:36,273 --> 00:57:37,338
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I'm having a hard time
1486
00:57:37,340 --> 00:57:38,474
catching my breath
a little bit.
1487
00:57:38,476 --> 00:57:39,542
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.
1488
00:57:39,544 --> 00:57:42,877
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,
1489
00:57:42,879 --> 00:57:44,145
for dealing with panicking.
1490
00:57:44,147 --> 00:57:46,381
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.
1491
00:57:46,383 --> 00:57:49,350
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!
1492
00:57:49,352 --> 00:57:51,085
I need 90 fucking years!
1493
00:57:51,087 --> 00:57:53,788
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!
1494
00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:56,525
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!
1495
00:57:56,527 --> 00:57:59,961
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.
1496
00:57:59,963 --> 00:58:02,265
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!
1497
00:58:03,133 --> 00:58:04,199
It was just pointless.
1498
00:58:04,201 --> 00:58:05,967
- (EXPLOSION)
- What the fuck?
1499
00:58:05,969 --> 00:58:08,038
Holy shit! Fuck!
1500
00:58:09,139 --> 00:58:11,340
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?
1501
00:58:11,342 --> 00:58:12,541
- Fred.
- Is there more?
1502
00:58:12,543 --> 00:58:13,942
You're gonna
have to calm down.
1503
00:58:13,944 --> 00:58:15,176
I don't think I can.
1504
00:58:15,178 --> 00:58:16,978
Sit down with me.
1505
00:58:16,980 --> 00:58:18,112
And breathe.
1506
00:58:18,114 --> 00:58:20,482
- Four seconds in.
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
1507
00:58:20,484 --> 00:58:21,550
Four seconds out.
1508
00:58:21,552 --> 00:58:23,385
Four seconds in.
1509
00:58:23,387 --> 00:58:25,053
(GASPING)
One, two, three, four...
1510
00:58:25,055 --> 00:58:27,922
- Four seconds out.
- One, two...
1511
00:58:27,924 --> 00:58:30,792
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...
1512
00:58:30,794 --> 00:58:32,294
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.
1513
00:58:32,296 --> 00:58:33,429
...four. It helps me.
1514
00:58:33,431 --> 00:58:37,131
- (WHEEZING) One, two, three, four...
- There you go.
1515
00:58:37,133 --> 00:58:39,468
One, two, three, four.
1516
00:58:39,470 --> 00:58:41,372
- One, two, three, four.
- (EXHALING DEEPLY)
1517
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:44,040
One, two, three, four.
1518
00:58:45,243 --> 00:58:47,278
- You got it.
- (SIGHS) That actually works.
1519
00:58:48,312 --> 00:58:49,846
Those guys are good.
1520
00:58:51,549 --> 00:58:53,084
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1521
00:58:54,418 --> 00:58:56,118
We did almost just die,
though.
1522
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:57,186
We actually did almost die.
1523
00:58:57,188 --> 00:58:58,853
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.
1524
00:58:58,855 --> 00:58:59,988
That actually
makes me feel better.
1525
00:58:59,990 --> 00:59:01,123
Means I didn't overreact.
1526
00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:03,860
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted. (LAUGHING)
1527
00:59:04,928 --> 00:59:06,097
Yeah, maybe.
1528
00:59:08,599 --> 00:59:10,401
I can think of worse ways
to go
1529
00:59:11,469 --> 00:59:13,137
than here with you. (CHUCKLES)
1530
00:59:14,472 --> 00:59:16,372
Honestly, this has been like,
1531
00:59:16,374 --> 00:59:19,176
the best few weeks
of my entire life.
1532
00:59:22,546 --> 00:59:23,878
You don't have to say it
back to me.
1533
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,147
I know it's not true for you.
1534
00:59:25,149 --> 00:59:27,182
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,
1535
00:59:27,184 --> 00:59:28,550
at that benefit concert.
That was probably
1536
00:59:28,552 --> 00:59:30,019
a way better week.
1537
00:59:30,021 --> 00:59:32,854
Just as an example. (CHUCKLES)
1538
00:59:32,856 --> 00:59:35,291
Well, this is
a pretty close second.
1539
00:59:35,293 --> 00:59:37,393
Really? To The Boss?
1540
00:59:37,395 --> 00:59:38,460
Yeah.
1541
00:59:38,462 --> 00:59:40,797
Wow. That's nice.
1542
00:59:47,438 --> 00:59:48,806
Uh...
1543
00:59:54,478 --> 00:59:57,546
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,
1544
00:59:57,548 --> 00:59:59,515
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake
1545
00:59:59,517 --> 01:00:00,949
I made 25 years ago.
1546
01:00:00,951 --> 01:00:02,820
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.
1547
01:00:03,521 --> 01:00:05,122
Wait... Really?
1548
01:00:11,662 --> 01:00:13,262
We've secured the location.
1549
01:00:13,264 --> 01:00:16,133
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.
1550
01:00:17,234 --> 01:00:18,936
Thank you, Agent M.
1551
01:00:23,507 --> 01:00:24,907
FRED: Holy shit.
1552
01:00:24,909 --> 01:00:25,974
That helicopter was way louder
1553
01:00:25,976 --> 01:00:27,376
than I thought
it was gonna be.
1554
01:00:27,378 --> 01:00:29,347
- MAGGIE: Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1555
01:00:30,214 --> 01:00:31,313
We're safe here though?
1556
01:00:31,315 --> 01:00:32,981
- MAGGIE: Yes!
- TOM: Oh, my God, Fred!
1557
01:00:32,983 --> 01:00:34,049
AGENT: This way.
1558
01:00:34,051 --> 01:00:35,286
FRED: This place
looks really nice.
1559
01:00:39,223 --> 01:00:40,690
Fred, I need you
to come work
1560
01:00:40,692 --> 01:00:42,524
on that speech with me,
right now.
1561
01:00:42,526 --> 01:00:44,596
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.
1562
01:00:45,463 --> 01:00:46,565
Okay.
1563
01:00:50,669 --> 01:00:52,935
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
1564
01:00:52,937 --> 01:00:54,103
Hang on, get my pants off.
1565
01:00:54,105 --> 01:00:55,439
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.
1566
01:00:56,941 --> 01:00:58,340
- CHARLOTTE: We're doing it?
- Yeah!
1567
01:00:58,342 --> 01:00:59,408
- CHARLOTTE: Do it faster.
- Let's do it.
1568
01:00:59,410 --> 01:01:00,411
They're coming off!
1569
01:01:02,380 --> 01:01:04,382
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!
1570
01:01:05,717 --> 01:01:06,917
Fuck!
1571
01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,085
CHARLOTTE: Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!
1572
01:01:10,087 --> 01:01:11,554
- FRED: Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
1573
01:01:11,556 --> 01:01:12,622
Should I go in, then?
1574
01:01:12,624 --> 01:01:14,289
Yeah, enter.
1575
01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:17,560
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!
1576
01:01:17,562 --> 01:01:19,696
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.
1577
01:01:19,698 --> 01:01:21,163
- Really?
- Yeah!
1578
01:01:21,165 --> 01:01:22,231
- Oh, God!
- Oh!
1579
01:01:22,233 --> 01:01:23,633
BOTH: Oh, boy!
1580
01:01:23,635 --> 01:01:26,469
(BOTH MOANING LOUDLY)
1581
01:01:26,471 --> 01:01:29,406
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!
1582
01:01:29,408 --> 01:01:31,307
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.
1583
01:01:31,309 --> 01:01:37,112
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
1584
01:01:37,114 --> 01:01:40,352
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.
1585
01:01:41,253 --> 01:01:42,452
I don't know
what happened.
1586
01:01:42,454 --> 01:01:44,654
I usually last
way longer than that.
1587
01:01:44,656 --> 01:01:46,056
- You know?
- Not me.
1588
01:01:47,091 --> 01:01:48,023
That was weird.
1589
01:01:48,025 --> 01:01:49,225
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...
1590
01:01:49,227 --> 01:01:51,194
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ...at the same time.
1591
01:01:51,196 --> 01:01:52,729
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.
1592
01:01:52,731 --> 01:01:55,998
- Yeah.
- Super strange.
1593
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,700
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?
1594
01:01:57,702 --> 01:01:59,369
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.
1595
01:01:59,371 --> 01:02:01,005
(EXHALES)
1596
01:02:04,074 --> 01:02:05,708
Hmm.
1597
01:02:05,710 --> 01:02:08,645
- Who's this little guy?
- (LAUGHING)
1598
01:02:08,647 --> 01:02:10,547
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis
1599
01:02:10,549 --> 01:02:12,282
and I had to get a bottom half
1600
01:02:12,284 --> 01:02:13,716
of a swastika
tattooed on me...
1601
01:02:13,718 --> 01:02:15,552
- Oh, my God.
- ...so they wouldn't kill me
1602
01:02:15,554 --> 01:02:17,554
and I didn't want that,
1603
01:02:17,556 --> 01:02:20,690
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man
1604
01:02:20,692 --> 01:02:24,160
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.
1605
01:02:24,162 --> 01:02:26,229
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.
1606
01:02:26,231 --> 01:02:27,697
- No.
- He's so happy about it.
1607
01:02:27,699 --> 01:02:28,765
I know, they just
look like pants.
1608
01:02:28,767 --> 01:02:31,401
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.
1609
01:02:31,403 --> 01:02:33,071
(LAUGHING)
1610
01:02:34,806 --> 01:02:36,608
Man, I am hungry.
1611
01:02:39,244 --> 01:02:40,743
What time is it?
1612
01:02:40,745 --> 01:02:43,415
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.
1613
01:02:44,549 --> 01:02:47,517
And where...
Where are we right now?
1614
01:02:47,519 --> 01:02:48,818
I don't have a clue.
1615
01:02:48,820 --> 01:02:50,086
You don't know?
1616
01:02:50,088 --> 01:02:51,287
No. They just
dropped us here.
1617
01:02:51,289 --> 01:02:53,558
They just took us here
on the helicopter.
1618
01:03:15,647 --> 01:03:16,713
AGENT M: Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.
1619
01:03:16,715 --> 01:03:18,083
Jesus!
1620
01:03:20,151 --> 01:03:21,486
You scared me, man.
1621
01:03:27,225 --> 01:03:29,827
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?
1622
01:03:29,829 --> 01:03:31,630
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.
1623
01:03:33,265 --> 01:03:34,332
Fair enough.
1624
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,736
Good luck, man.
1625
01:03:38,704 --> 01:03:39,772
Thank you.
1626
01:03:48,781 --> 01:03:51,180
(ON RADIO)
These helicopters are scary.
1627
01:03:51,182 --> 01:03:54,319
It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.
1628
01:03:56,187 --> 01:03:57,320
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
1629
01:03:57,322 --> 01:03:59,790
FRED: One, two, three, four.
1630
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,794
One, two, three, four.
1631
01:04:13,906 --> 01:04:15,806
I feel so happy right now!
1632
01:04:15,808 --> 01:04:17,541
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,
1633
01:04:17,543 --> 01:04:19,275
I may have never been happy.
1634
01:04:19,277 --> 01:04:21,779
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.
1635
01:04:21,781 --> 01:04:23,246
And it feels good.
1636
01:04:23,248 --> 01:04:26,249
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.
1637
01:04:26,251 --> 01:04:28,184
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,
1638
01:04:28,186 --> 01:04:29,787
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.
1639
01:04:29,789 --> 01:04:30,854
And it's not like a date,
1640
01:04:30,856 --> 01:04:32,456
but it kinda
feels like a date.
1641
01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:35,158
How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.
1642
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,394
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.
1643
01:04:37,396 --> 01:04:39,195
You need to... (STAMMERS)
1644
01:04:39,197 --> 01:04:41,266
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.
1645
01:04:42,233 --> 01:04:43,534
I am worthy of love.
1646
01:04:43,536 --> 01:04:45,201
All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000
1647
01:04:45,203 --> 01:04:46,704
more times,
until you believe it.
1648
01:04:46,706 --> 01:04:48,171
Okay, look, I gotta go.
1649
01:04:48,173 --> 01:04:50,507
I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.
1650
01:04:50,509 --> 01:04:52,175
All right, man. Hey!
1651
01:04:52,177 --> 01:04:53,178
Be bold!
1652
01:05:00,386 --> 01:05:01,554
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1653
01:05:09,595 --> 01:05:10,928
Hi.
1654
01:05:10,930 --> 01:05:13,597
You look really pretty.
(CHUCKLES)
1655
01:05:13,599 --> 01:05:14,834
Thank you.
1656
01:05:15,735 --> 01:05:18,802
You look really pretty, too.
1657
01:05:18,804 --> 01:05:19,870
Thank you.
1658
01:05:19,872 --> 01:05:21,305
Thanks for the suit.
1659
01:05:21,307 --> 01:05:22,439
We should probably head in.
1660
01:05:22,441 --> 01:05:23,542
- Shall we?
- FRED: Yeah.
1661
01:05:26,979 --> 01:05:29,747
Wow. This is awesome.
1662
01:05:29,749 --> 01:05:31,415
It's cool being
in Argentina.
1663
01:05:31,417 --> 01:05:32,816
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents
1664
01:05:32,818 --> 01:05:34,620
are hiding here somewhere.
(CHUCKLES)
1665
01:05:35,354 --> 01:05:36,455
Shit, they got a band.
1666
01:05:38,457 --> 01:05:41,892
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?
1667
01:05:41,894 --> 01:05:43,427
So there are representatives
1668
01:05:43,429 --> 01:05:45,295
from over 75 countries
here tonight.
1669
01:05:45,297 --> 01:05:46,830
She has three hours
to get out there,
1670
01:05:46,832 --> 01:05:47,865
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.
1671
01:05:47,867 --> 01:05:49,600
...and get as many
commitments as possible.
1672
01:05:49,602 --> 01:05:51,268
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.
1673
01:05:51,270 --> 01:05:54,538
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.
1674
01:05:54,540 --> 01:05:56,674
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.
1675
01:05:56,676 --> 01:05:58,742
- We'll see.
- Yeah.
1676
01:05:58,744 --> 01:06:00,546
All right. Okay.
1677
01:06:04,550 --> 01:06:05,885
I know what's going on.
1678
01:06:09,255 --> 01:06:11,689
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.
1679
01:06:11,691 --> 01:06:12,756
There's nothing going on.
1680
01:06:12,758 --> 01:06:14,926
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.
1681
01:06:14,928 --> 01:06:17,628
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.
1682
01:06:17,630 --> 01:06:20,698
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics
1683
01:06:20,700 --> 01:06:21,665
like you wouldn't believe.
1684
01:06:21,667 --> 01:06:24,601
The two of you are having sex
with each other.
1685
01:06:24,603 --> 01:06:26,437
There's no way you could
discern something like that.
1686
01:06:26,439 --> 01:06:27,673
Charlotte told me.
1687
01:06:28,441 --> 01:06:29,373
Really?
1688
01:06:29,375 --> 01:06:31,442
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.
1689
01:06:31,444 --> 01:06:34,445
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking very clever.
1690
01:06:34,447 --> 01:06:35,612
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.
1691
01:06:35,614 --> 01:06:37,648
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.
1692
01:06:37,650 --> 01:06:38,549
- So?
- Ew.
1693
01:06:38,551 --> 01:06:39,918
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me
1694
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:41,052
- than it is to you.
- Look,
1695
01:06:41,054 --> 01:06:42,219
I can't believe
I have to say this,
1696
01:06:42,221 --> 01:06:45,458
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.
1697
01:06:46,659 --> 01:06:48,392
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.
1698
01:06:48,394 --> 01:06:50,461
The public will never accept
the two of you together,
1699
01:06:50,463 --> 01:06:51,830
so neither will she.
1700
01:06:51,832 --> 01:06:53,430
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter
1701
01:06:53,432 --> 01:06:54,398
if you get it or you don't,
1702
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:56,067
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it
1703
01:06:56,069 --> 01:06:57,334
for the both of you,
1704
01:06:57,336 --> 01:06:59,436
then you'll have
your heart broken.
1705
01:06:59,438 --> 01:07:00,772
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.
1706
01:07:00,774 --> 01:07:02,475
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...
1707
01:07:19,626 --> 01:07:20,861
PARKER: Madam Secretary!
1708
01:07:21,962 --> 01:07:23,494
Excuse me.
1709
01:07:23,496 --> 01:07:24,629
- Ah!
- Parker.
1710
01:07:24,631 --> 01:07:26,698
- Nope. Nope. Uh...
- (KISSING)
1711
01:07:26,700 --> 01:07:28,566
(PARKER LAUGHING)
1712
01:07:28,568 --> 01:07:31,936
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.
1713
01:07:31,938 --> 01:07:33,104
You know,
it's not gonna happen.
1714
01:07:33,106 --> 01:07:34,739
I'm not gonna find time.
1715
01:07:34,741 --> 01:07:37,341
I will get my way on this.
1716
01:07:37,343 --> 01:07:38,676
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"
1717
01:07:38,678 --> 01:07:41,112
but please have at it.
It's all yours.
1718
01:07:41,114 --> 01:07:42,547
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?
1719
01:07:42,549 --> 01:07:43,782
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.
1720
01:07:43,784 --> 01:07:46,451
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...
1721
01:07:46,453 --> 01:07:48,953
You look
absolutely wonderful.
1722
01:07:48,955 --> 01:07:50,855
- CHARLOTTE: Oh.
- (JAMES SPEAKS FRENCH)
1723
01:07:50,857 --> 01:07:52,090
(CHARLOTTE CHUCKLES)
1724
01:07:52,092 --> 01:07:53,591
(IN ENGLISH) I have to say,
I have been
1725
01:07:53,593 --> 01:07:55,827
so impressed
by your initiative.
1726
01:07:55,829 --> 01:07:57,595
Does this mean
I can add Canada
1727
01:07:57,597 --> 01:07:59,597
to the list of countries
taking part?
1728
01:07:59,599 --> 01:08:01,766
(CLICKS TONGUE)
On one condition.
1729
01:08:01,768 --> 01:08:02,667
Let me guess.
1730
01:08:02,669 --> 01:08:05,403
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.
1731
01:08:05,405 --> 01:08:06,740
I don't care about lumber.
1732
01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,576
I just want to dance.
1733
01:08:10,844 --> 01:08:12,012
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
1734
01:08:13,013 --> 01:08:14,078
Sure.
1735
01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,147
(SLOW TANGO MUSIC PLAYING)
1736
01:08:16,149 --> 01:08:18,018
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
1737
01:08:37,737 --> 01:08:38,805
Whoa! (CHUCKLES)
1738
01:08:40,006 --> 01:08:41,508
Wow.
1739
01:08:42,876 --> 01:08:44,108
You know
when you see something,
1740
01:08:44,110 --> 01:08:47,445
and it just looks right.
1741
01:08:47,447 --> 01:08:49,514
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.
1742
01:08:49,516 --> 01:08:50,517
MAGGIE: Mmm-hmm.
1743
01:08:51,885 --> 01:08:53,787
(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)
1744
01:09:00,161 --> 01:09:01,862
(WHISPERING)
I'm worthy of love.
1745
01:09:03,563 --> 01:09:04,898
I'm worthy of love.
1746
01:09:07,534 --> 01:09:08,835
What the fuck
are you saying?
1747
01:09:09,736 --> 01:09:10,737
Nothing.
1748
01:09:19,046 --> 01:09:21,048
(MUSIC STOPS)
1749
01:09:29,656 --> 01:09:30,992
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1750
01:09:36,496 --> 01:09:37,831
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1751
01:09:43,938 --> 01:09:44,939
Bonjour, ma'am.
1752
01:10:04,759 --> 01:10:06,093
(LAUGHING)
1753
01:10:17,972 --> 01:10:18,973
Excuse me.
1754
01:10:21,042 --> 01:10:22,575
Agent E, look alive.
1755
01:10:38,159 --> 01:10:39,526
- Hi.
- Hey.
1756
01:10:40,294 --> 01:10:41,929
I hear you have
a crush on me.
1757
01:10:43,297 --> 01:10:44,665
I do. (CHUCKLES)
1758
01:10:46,233 --> 01:10:48,035
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.
1759
01:10:49,737 --> 01:10:50,905
Well, that's cool.
1760
01:10:54,175 --> 01:10:56,275
Hey, I know I asked earlier.
1761
01:10:56,277 --> 01:10:57,843
But, uh...
1762
01:10:57,845 --> 01:10:59,847
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1763
01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:02,883
Do you want to dance with me?
1764
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:06,721
It's a dope song.
1765
01:11:07,888 --> 01:11:09,121
Really fucking good song.
1766
01:11:09,123 --> 01:11:10,255
Maybe the best song
ever written.
1767
01:11:10,257 --> 01:11:11,258
Yeah.
1768
01:11:19,767 --> 01:11:22,636
(SINGING ALONG)
1769
01:11:28,676 --> 01:11:30,845
(BOTH SINGING ALONG)
1770
01:12:03,378 --> 01:12:04,912
(SONG CONTINUES)
1771
01:12:46,221 --> 01:12:47,289
(GASPS)
1772
01:12:59,401 --> 01:13:01,034
I want you to
fuck me from behind
1773
01:13:01,036 --> 01:13:02,204
and slap my ass really hard.
1774
01:13:04,873 --> 01:13:06,072
What?
1775
01:13:06,074 --> 01:13:07,407
What?
1776
01:13:07,409 --> 01:13:09,675
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?
1777
01:13:09,677 --> 01:13:10,977
Am I being too bossy?
1778
01:13:10,979 --> 01:13:13,745
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.
1779
01:13:13,747 --> 01:13:15,281
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,
1780
01:13:15,283 --> 01:13:16,149
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.
1781
01:13:16,151 --> 01:13:17,683
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
1782
01:13:17,685 --> 01:13:18,885
No. Not at all.
1783
01:13:18,887 --> 01:13:20,753
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...
1784
01:13:20,755 --> 01:13:21,888
Yeah, but you hesitated.
1785
01:13:21,890 --> 01:13:24,924
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.
1786
01:13:24,926 --> 01:13:28,027
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.
1787
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:30,029
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass
1788
01:13:30,031 --> 01:13:31,266
and then choke me
a little bit.
1789
01:13:32,033 --> 01:13:33,034
Oh, my God.
1790
01:13:37,706 --> 01:13:38,874
(EXHALES)
1791
01:13:40,775 --> 01:13:41,843
Whoa.
1792
01:13:51,853 --> 01:13:52,854
Frederick.
1793
01:13:53,455 --> 01:13:54,689
Margaret.
1794
01:13:59,461 --> 01:14:01,261
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!
1795
01:14:01,263 --> 01:14:03,029
- Gross!
- Um...
1796
01:14:03,031 --> 01:14:04,364
I thought you guys
hated each other.
1797
01:14:04,366 --> 01:14:06,466
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.
1798
01:14:06,468 --> 01:14:08,401
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.
1799
01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,503
How long
have you been fucking?
1800
01:14:09,505 --> 01:14:10,837
That was probably 20 minutes.
1801
01:14:10,839 --> 01:14:11,905
Not right now!
1802
01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:14,107
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...
1803
01:14:14,109 --> 01:14:15,275
I would say
anywhere between
1804
01:14:15,277 --> 01:14:17,143
two and five...
Three and a half times.
1805
01:14:17,145 --> 01:14:18,978
I would say on my end, five.
1806
01:14:18,980 --> 01:14:20,447
Three and a half sounds right.
1807
01:14:20,449 --> 01:14:22,815
I don't know how you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.
1808
01:14:22,817 --> 01:14:25,251
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.
1809
01:14:25,253 --> 01:14:26,886
There's a woman
in there, too?
1810
01:14:26,888 --> 01:14:28,788
- Excuse me.
- Easy.
1811
01:14:28,790 --> 01:14:29,989
- And I got it.
- Sorry.
1812
01:14:29,991 --> 01:14:31,357
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...
1813
01:14:31,359 --> 01:14:33,226
A woman is present
and that woman is me.
1814
01:14:33,228 --> 01:14:34,827
- You?
- TOM: We're talking about her.
1815
01:14:34,829 --> 01:14:36,763
Trust me, I know, Fred.
1816
01:14:36,765 --> 01:14:37,830
Tom, I got this.
1817
01:14:37,832 --> 01:14:39,265
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say goodnight.
1818
01:14:39,267 --> 01:14:40,467
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.
1819
01:14:40,469 --> 01:14:41,334
And I will take my leave.
1820
01:14:41,336 --> 01:14:44,371
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.
1821
01:14:44,373 --> 01:14:46,839
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...
1822
01:14:46,841 --> 01:14:47,907
Those hands
have been places.
1823
01:14:47,909 --> 01:14:49,410
MAGGIE: Goodnight.
1824
01:14:49,412 --> 01:14:51,911
With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State
1825
01:14:51,913 --> 01:14:55,282
Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative
1826
01:14:55,284 --> 01:14:57,318
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
1827
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:59,420
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- (GASPS)
1828
01:14:59,422 --> 01:15:00,688
The president
wants to talk to you.
1829
01:15:00,690 --> 01:15:03,823
We've set up the tent in the next
room, Madam Secretary.
1830
01:15:03,825 --> 01:15:05,093
Tell him hi.
1831
01:15:09,532 --> 01:15:12,165
Mr. President. Bonjour.
1832
01:15:12,167 --> 01:15:13,434
CHAMBERS: (ON VIDEO)
Charlie, bonjour.
1833
01:15:13,436 --> 01:15:17,003
Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?
1834
01:15:17,005 --> 01:15:18,805
Oh, it's the Global
1835
01:15:18,807 --> 01:15:20,907
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.
1836
01:15:20,909 --> 01:15:23,410
It's been on your desk for the
last three weeks. (CHUCKLES)
1837
01:15:23,412 --> 01:15:25,512
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole
1838
01:15:25,514 --> 01:15:27,947
and it's ruffling
some feathers.
1839
01:15:27,949 --> 01:15:30,083
Sir, you are the flagpole.
1840
01:15:30,085 --> 01:15:33,520
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.
1841
01:15:33,522 --> 01:15:35,289
We need you to revise it.
1842
01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:36,292
Sir?
1843
01:15:37,193 --> 01:15:39,295
We need you to kill the trees.
1844
01:15:43,299 --> 01:15:44,531
Why would he do that?
1845
01:15:44,533 --> 01:15:47,568
Because he's funded by a
bunch of fucking rich assholes
1846
01:15:47,570 --> 01:15:49,203
and I probably pissed
one of them off.
1847
01:15:49,205 --> 01:15:50,903
Can I just say
the optics of this
1848
01:15:50,905 --> 01:15:52,606
are actually
not that different?
1849
01:15:52,608 --> 01:15:54,408
The initiative still has
the same name.
1850
01:15:54,410 --> 01:15:56,176
It sounds
very impressive,
1851
01:15:56,178 --> 01:15:58,312
which is ultimately
all that matters.
1852
01:15:58,314 --> 01:16:01,015
I actually cared about this.
1853
01:16:01,017 --> 01:16:02,583
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?
1854
01:16:02,585 --> 01:16:03,916
I don't even like bees.
1855
01:16:03,918 --> 01:16:05,185
Do you have to
listen to him?
1856
01:16:05,187 --> 01:16:08,355
Yes. I have to listen to him.
1857
01:16:08,357 --> 01:16:11,191
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.
1858
01:16:11,193 --> 01:16:14,128
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.
1859
01:16:14,130 --> 01:16:16,196
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.
1860
01:16:16,198 --> 01:16:17,564
You know?
People are digging your shit.
1861
01:16:17,566 --> 01:16:19,233
And your numbers are good.
1862
01:16:19,235 --> 01:16:21,435
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.
1863
01:16:21,437 --> 01:16:22,970
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.
1864
01:16:22,972 --> 01:16:24,038
MAGGIE: Time to go, buddy.
1865
01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:25,906
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God.
1866
01:16:25,908 --> 01:16:29,145
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.
1867
01:16:35,284 --> 01:16:36,285
(DOOR OPENS)
1868
01:16:38,354 --> 01:16:39,355
(DOOR CLOSES)
1869
01:16:42,358 --> 01:16:43,991
(CHARLOTTE SIGHS)
1870
01:16:43,993 --> 01:16:46,393
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.
1871
01:16:46,395 --> 01:16:47,463
I fuckin' hate it.
1872
01:16:48,364 --> 01:16:50,531
I mean, what's the point?
1873
01:16:50,533 --> 01:16:53,836
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.
1874
01:16:54,403 --> 01:16:55,636
I'm sorry.
1875
01:16:55,638 --> 01:16:57,438
I just wanna be
a normal person
1876
01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,206
and not give a fuck
about anything
1877
01:16:59,208 --> 01:17:01,241
just like
the rest of the world.
1878
01:17:01,243 --> 01:17:03,310
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.
1879
01:17:03,312 --> 01:17:05,014
I bet it's really nice.
1880
01:17:06,182 --> 01:17:08,015
That's what I want.
1881
01:17:08,017 --> 01:17:10,119
I don't know
how to give that to you.
1882
01:17:13,556 --> 01:17:15,124
Let's get fucked up.
1883
01:17:15,524 --> 01:17:16,591
Fucked up?
1884
01:17:16,593 --> 01:17:19,059
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up
1885
01:17:19,061 --> 01:17:21,328
or more than that fucked up?
1886
01:17:21,330 --> 01:17:23,299
Like super fucked up.
1887
01:17:29,138 --> 01:17:31,606
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.
1888
01:17:31,608 --> 01:17:33,040
(SNORTS)
1889
01:17:33,042 --> 01:17:34,210
What?
1890
01:17:34,977 --> 01:17:36,711
That's not, um...
1891
01:17:36,713 --> 01:17:38,379
That's not
how you take it, but...
1892
01:17:38,381 --> 01:17:39,279
How do you take it?
1893
01:17:39,281 --> 01:17:41,148
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.
1894
01:17:41,150 --> 01:17:42,684
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.
1895
01:17:42,686 --> 01:17:44,017
Why not?
1896
01:17:44,019 --> 01:17:45,953
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.
1897
01:17:45,955 --> 01:17:49,325
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.
1898
01:17:50,259 --> 01:17:51,428
Oh, man.
1899
01:18:21,458 --> 01:18:22,624
You good?
1900
01:18:22,626 --> 01:18:24,592
(ECHOING)
I don't feel anything.
1901
01:18:24,594 --> 01:18:26,594
You don't feel it?
1902
01:18:26,596 --> 01:18:28,396
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.
1903
01:18:28,398 --> 01:18:31,201
Ooh! Wow.
1904
01:18:31,668 --> 01:18:34,202
...Was right.
1905
01:18:34,204 --> 01:18:38,105
Holy fuck...
1906
01:18:38,107 --> 01:18:39,441
(GRUNTING) No!
1907
01:18:39,443 --> 01:18:41,776
My jaw feels
really weird.
1908
01:18:41,778 --> 01:18:43,110
Yeah, that's the drugs.
1909
01:18:43,112 --> 01:18:44,712
Drugs love a jaw.
1910
01:18:44,714 --> 01:18:47,148
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.
1911
01:18:47,150 --> 01:18:48,550
Maybe in like an hour.
1912
01:18:48,552 --> 01:18:50,253
We should do it now.
1913
01:18:54,191 --> 01:18:56,058
(FIREWORKS BURSTING)
1914
01:19:13,543 --> 01:19:15,412
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
1915
01:19:19,115 --> 01:19:21,316
Yes, motherfuckers!
1916
01:19:21,318 --> 01:19:23,251
I could do this forever!
1917
01:19:23,253 --> 01:19:24,652
We're gonna.
1918
01:19:24,654 --> 01:19:27,155
I know I've been like...
1919
01:19:27,157 --> 01:19:29,390
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.
1920
01:19:29,392 --> 01:19:31,392
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,
1921
01:19:31,394 --> 01:19:33,061
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,
1922
01:19:33,063 --> 01:19:34,729
maybe like I don't
care that much.
1923
01:19:34,731 --> 01:19:38,166
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.
1924
01:19:38,168 --> 01:19:40,468
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.
1925
01:19:40,470 --> 01:19:43,137
You just followed me
into the bathroom.
1926
01:19:43,139 --> 01:19:44,372
Yeah, to talk.
1927
01:19:44,374 --> 01:19:46,508
- I really like you, too!
- Really?
1928
01:19:46,510 --> 01:19:48,142
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1929
01:19:48,144 --> 01:19:50,111
(BOTH YELLING)
1930
01:19:50,113 --> 01:19:52,780
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!
1931
01:19:52,782 --> 01:19:54,616
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!
1932
01:19:54,618 --> 01:19:56,751
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!
1933
01:19:56,753 --> 01:19:57,853
We have a situation.
1934
01:19:57,855 --> 01:19:59,222
- Huh?
- (SPEAKING INAUDIBLY)
1935
01:20:07,564 --> 01:20:09,430
- (STAMMERS)
- FRED: Yo.
1936
01:20:09,432 --> 01:20:12,467
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?
1937
01:20:12,469 --> 01:20:14,235
We just re-upped.
1938
01:20:14,237 --> 01:20:16,437
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.
1939
01:20:16,439 --> 01:20:19,509
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.
1940
01:20:20,678 --> 01:20:22,811
Yeah. Why?
1941
01:20:22,813 --> 01:20:24,647
I'm in so much trouble.
1942
01:20:24,649 --> 01:20:25,714
FRED: What's happening?
1943
01:20:25,716 --> 01:20:27,315
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.
1944
01:20:27,317 --> 01:20:29,519
What's happening?
Are they outta water?
1945
01:20:30,387 --> 01:20:31,553
One of our U2s went down
1946
01:20:31,555 --> 01:20:34,455
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.
1947
01:20:34,457 --> 01:20:35,557
The pilot was able to eject,
1948
01:20:35,559 --> 01:20:38,561
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.
1949
01:20:38,563 --> 01:20:40,261
Thank you, General.
1950
01:20:40,263 --> 01:20:41,764
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing
1951
01:20:41,766 --> 01:20:44,265
to return the pilot
to United States custody.
1952
01:20:44,267 --> 01:20:46,234
He's personally hurt
by the many insults
1953
01:20:46,236 --> 01:20:47,736
hurled at him by POTUS.
1954
01:20:47,738 --> 01:20:49,638
Good job. All right.
1955
01:20:49,640 --> 01:20:51,174
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1956
01:20:52,409 --> 01:20:53,711
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?
1957
01:20:54,679 --> 01:20:56,112
That's up to you, ma'am.
1958
01:20:57,347 --> 01:20:59,750
(EXHALES) Oh, God.
You got this.
1959
01:21:12,897 --> 01:21:14,765
(CLEARING THROAT)
1960
01:21:15,700 --> 01:21:16,832
(CLEARS THROAT)
1961
01:21:16,834 --> 01:21:19,368
I can hold onto your sunglasses for
you, if you'd like.
1962
01:21:19,370 --> 01:21:24,408
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.
1963
01:21:25,509 --> 01:21:27,511
(CLEARING THROAT LOUDLY)
1964
01:21:28,546 --> 01:21:29,614
(PHONE BEEPS)
1965
01:21:30,781 --> 01:21:32,246
Hello.
1966
01:21:32,248 --> 01:21:33,214
BHARATH: (LOUDLY ON PHONE)
Secretary Field!
1967
01:21:33,216 --> 01:21:34,316
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God!
1968
01:21:34,318 --> 01:21:37,185
Hello, Bharath? Hey.
1969
01:21:37,187 --> 01:21:40,556
I hear we have
a situation here?
1970
01:21:40,558 --> 01:21:43,661
One that we both
probably want resolved.
1971
01:21:45,496 --> 01:21:47,930
Very quickly...
1972
01:21:47,932 --> 01:21:50,532
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.
1973
01:21:50,534 --> 01:21:52,234
Your man will stay here
1974
01:21:52,236 --> 01:21:55,204
until your president
personally apologizes to me.
1975
01:21:55,206 --> 01:21:56,207
Over Instagram.
1976
01:21:57,408 --> 01:22:00,378
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...
1977
01:22:01,479 --> 01:22:03,679
- (WHISPERS) Yo.
- Yes?
1978
01:22:03,681 --> 01:22:05,247
Can I level with you?
1979
01:22:05,249 --> 01:22:06,782
Can I fill you in
on something?
1980
01:22:06,784 --> 01:22:07,816
Go ahead.
1981
01:22:07,818 --> 01:22:09,485
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.
1982
01:22:09,487 --> 01:22:10,419
We're on drugs.
1983
01:22:10,421 --> 01:22:11,954
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.
1984
01:22:11,956 --> 01:22:13,656
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.
1985
01:22:13,658 --> 01:22:14,990
Do you know
we're on drugs?
1986
01:22:14,992 --> 01:22:17,528
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.
1987
01:22:18,729 --> 01:22:19,897
- What's happening?
- (MOUTHING)
1988
01:22:21,365 --> 01:22:22,431
We're on drugs
right now.
1989
01:22:22,433 --> 01:22:24,500
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
1990
01:22:24,502 --> 01:22:26,268
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!
1991
01:22:26,270 --> 01:22:28,237
FRED: What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...
1992
01:22:28,239 --> 01:22:29,471
(MOUTHING)
1993
01:22:29,473 --> 01:22:30,606
Are we going somewhere?
1994
01:22:30,608 --> 01:22:31,842
(MOUTHING)
1995
01:22:32,443 --> 01:22:34,343
What is that?
1996
01:22:34,345 --> 01:22:36,612
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.
1997
01:22:36,614 --> 01:22:39,314
So you're admitting that
the United States government
1998
01:22:39,316 --> 01:22:41,550
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?
1999
01:22:41,552 --> 01:22:42,618
No.
2000
01:22:42,620 --> 01:22:43,786
(MOUTHS)
2001
01:22:43,788 --> 01:22:46,889
No! No! Of course not!
2002
01:22:46,891 --> 01:22:48,992
That's what it sounded like.
Face it.
2003
01:22:48,994 --> 01:22:50,225
You have no leverage here.
2004
01:22:50,227 --> 01:22:53,495
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.
2005
01:22:53,497 --> 01:22:55,965
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.
2006
01:22:55,967 --> 01:22:57,466
Get more fucking pissed.
2007
01:22:57,468 --> 01:22:58,870
Let him know
who's really in charge.
2008
01:23:00,671 --> 01:23:02,206
- (GRUNTS)
- (BANGS)
2009
01:23:03,774 --> 01:23:05,476
(SOFTLY) Oh, my God,
that really hurt.
2010
01:23:06,711 --> 01:23:08,477
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...
2011
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:11,680
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.
2012
01:23:11,682 --> 01:23:15,350
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.
2013
01:23:15,352 --> 01:23:17,989
You know, just feeling...
2014
01:23:18,924 --> 01:23:20,859
God, are those Gauloises?
2015
01:23:21,860 --> 01:23:23,461
Just, I'm so...
2016
01:23:24,763 --> 01:23:27,231
I'm just gonna bum one.
2017
01:23:29,333 --> 01:23:30,632
Just give me one sec.
2018
01:23:30,634 --> 01:23:31,703
Don't worry.
2019
01:23:39,878 --> 01:23:40,944
Bharath.
2020
01:23:40,946 --> 01:23:42,681
- Hello?
- Listen.
2021
01:23:43,949 --> 01:23:45,884
Mmm. Mmm.
2022
01:23:47,585 --> 01:23:52,389
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.
2023
01:23:52,958 --> 01:23:54,624
How is that the case?
2024
01:23:54,626 --> 01:23:56,025
We both have to
deal with my boss
2025
01:23:56,027 --> 01:23:59,428
and we both think
he is an asshole.
2026
01:23:59,430 --> 01:24:01,497
You also think
he's an asshole?
2027
01:24:01,499 --> 01:24:02,999
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.
2028
01:24:03,001 --> 01:24:04,868
His stupid fucking TV show
2029
01:24:04,870 --> 01:24:06,803
was like,
good for three episodes
2030
01:24:06,805 --> 01:24:08,671
and then it just didn't make
any sense.
2031
01:24:08,673 --> 01:24:10,809
(SIGHS) Fuck,
it feels good to say that.
2032
01:24:13,845 --> 01:24:14,846
Listen.
2033
01:24:17,015 --> 01:24:21,084
You need to keep this
on the real DL.
2034
01:24:21,086 --> 01:24:24,521
We both know
that the U.S. does not
2035
01:24:24,523 --> 01:24:27,657
negotiate with terrorists.
2036
01:24:27,659 --> 01:24:33,062
But, we do negotiate
with homies.
2037
01:24:33,064 --> 01:24:35,698
So if you give us
our guy back,
2038
01:24:35,700 --> 01:24:39,836
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.
2039
01:24:39,838 --> 01:24:42,872
So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,
2040
01:24:42,874 --> 01:24:46,643
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.
2041
01:24:46,645 --> 01:24:48,444
I mean, I've done it myself.
2042
01:24:48,446 --> 01:24:50,515
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.
2043
01:24:51,516 --> 01:24:53,116
It sucks, I hate it.
2044
01:24:53,118 --> 01:24:58,421
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead
2045
01:24:58,423 --> 01:25:02,091
save a ton of lives?
2046
01:25:02,093 --> 01:25:05,495
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?
2047
01:25:05,497 --> 01:25:07,098
I think this is
a really good idea.
2048
01:25:10,569 --> 01:25:11,736
What do you say?
2049
01:25:14,472 --> 01:25:15,907
Ma'am.
2050
01:25:20,779 --> 01:25:22,979
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!
2051
01:25:22,981 --> 01:25:25,715
- Yeah, yeah!
- (BOTH CHEERING)
2052
01:25:25,717 --> 01:25:28,685
- She did it! She did it!
- She did it!
2053
01:25:28,687 --> 01:25:31,421
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.
2054
01:25:31,423 --> 01:25:33,857
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation
2055
01:25:33,859 --> 01:25:35,792
with Kashtar,
has secured the release
2056
01:25:35,794 --> 01:25:38,828
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down
2057
01:25:38,830 --> 01:25:40,964
over Kashtari airspace.
2058
01:25:40,966 --> 01:25:43,032
I know, right.
(SOFTLY) Crazy.
2059
01:25:43,034 --> 01:25:44,101
REPORTER: And this is all
in the midst
2060
01:25:44,103 --> 01:25:46,703
of the success of
your environmental initiative,
2061
01:25:46,705 --> 01:25:50,140
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.
2062
01:25:50,142 --> 01:25:51,708
- CHARLOTTE: Yes, um...
- Ooh, sore subject.
2063
01:25:51,710 --> 01:25:53,443
I'm very happy
to announce that
2064
01:25:53,445 --> 01:25:56,180
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,
2065
01:25:56,182 --> 01:25:58,882
but the president himself
called me personally
2066
01:25:58,884 --> 01:26:00,985
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...
2067
01:26:00,987 --> 01:26:03,954
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.
2068
01:26:03,956 --> 01:26:05,189
...don't change a word,
2069
01:26:05,191 --> 01:26:08,125
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.
2070
01:26:08,127 --> 01:26:09,759
- That's a lie.
- CHARLOTTE: So, all in all,
2071
01:26:09,761 --> 01:26:10,860
I'm just... Well,
2072
01:26:10,862 --> 01:26:13,796
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.
2073
01:26:13,798 --> 01:26:16,102
Thank you so much. So...
Thank you.
2074
01:26:16,801 --> 01:26:17,868
Thank you.
2075
01:26:17,870 --> 01:26:20,204
The incredible
Charlotte Field.
2076
01:26:20,206 --> 01:26:22,538
Who clearly still feels
the effects
2077
01:26:22,540 --> 01:26:25,843
of the intense all-night
hostage situation. (CHUCKLES)
2078
01:26:25,845 --> 01:26:28,080
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS)
2079
01:26:38,157 --> 01:26:41,025
After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
2080
01:26:41,027 --> 01:26:42,960
Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...
2081
01:26:42,962 --> 01:26:44,694
In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...
2082
01:26:44,696 --> 01:26:47,998
...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?
2083
01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:49,833
Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,
2084
01:26:49,835 --> 01:26:52,202
Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.
2085
01:26:52,204 --> 01:26:55,005
In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,
2086
01:26:55,007 --> 01:26:57,207
Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.
2087
01:26:57,209 --> 01:26:58,574
MALE REPORTER:
I'd like to apologize
2088
01:26:58,576 --> 01:26:59,810
to Charlotte,
and anyone out there
2089
01:26:59,812 --> 01:27:03,049
who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.
2090
01:27:04,850 --> 01:27:06,052
Give me
the president's office.
2091
01:27:06,919 --> 01:27:08,986
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Yep?
2092
01:27:08,988 --> 01:27:10,621
MAGGIE: Can I talk to you
for a second?
2093
01:27:10,623 --> 01:27:12,122
Of course.
2094
01:27:12,124 --> 01:27:14,091
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.
2095
01:27:14,093 --> 01:27:15,225
All right.
2096
01:27:15,227 --> 01:27:16,794
MAGGIE: It feels like
everything
2097
01:27:16,796 --> 01:27:18,028
is kinda falling into place
for us.
2098
01:27:18,030 --> 01:27:19,663
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper
2099
01:27:19,665 --> 01:27:21,065
and make sure
there are no surprises.
2100
01:27:21,067 --> 01:27:22,800
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.
2101
01:27:22,802 --> 01:27:24,704
We got some really
helpful feedback.
2102
01:27:25,938 --> 01:27:27,671
From the public.
2103
01:27:27,673 --> 01:27:30,941
So we asked
a thousand constituents
2104
01:27:30,943 --> 01:27:32,676
how they would feel
2105
01:27:32,678 --> 01:27:35,746
- if, say, Princess Di...
- CHARLOTTE: Hmm.
2106
01:27:35,748 --> 01:27:37,116
...if she were to
start dating
2107
01:27:38,017 --> 01:27:39,018
Guy Fieri.
2108
01:27:40,720 --> 01:27:42,619
I don't even know
who that is.
2109
01:27:42,621 --> 01:27:44,121
MAGGIE: They
don't like that.
2110
01:27:44,123 --> 01:27:46,724
- CHARLOTTE: Yeah.
- MAGGIE: Or Kate Middleton
2111
01:27:46,726 --> 01:27:48,926
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.
2112
01:27:48,928 --> 01:27:50,027
I see where you're
going with this.
2113
01:27:50,029 --> 01:27:51,328
Pretty negative reaction.
2114
01:27:51,330 --> 01:27:53,998
Or if Jennifer Lawrence
2115
01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:57,169
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.
2116
01:27:58,237 --> 01:28:00,137
They would be very upset.
2117
01:28:00,139 --> 01:28:01,638
You did a lot of work,
2118
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,607
- and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?
2119
01:28:03,609 --> 01:28:05,843
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.
2120
01:28:05,845 --> 01:28:07,745
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire
2121
01:28:07,747 --> 01:28:09,780
- to limit your romantic life.
- Good.
2122
01:28:09,782 --> 01:28:12,616
But the optics of you and Fred
2123
01:28:12,618 --> 01:28:15,085
will make a presidential run
very challenging.
2124
01:28:15,087 --> 01:28:16,321
Fred is a journalist.
2125
01:28:16,323 --> 01:28:18,655
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.
2126
01:28:18,657 --> 01:28:21,660
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.
2127
01:28:22,795 --> 01:28:25,029
And I just want to know
for myself,
2128
01:28:25,031 --> 01:28:28,032
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?
2129
01:28:28,034 --> 01:28:29,767
Oh, my God. (CHUCKLING)
2130
01:28:29,769 --> 01:28:30,934
Why are we having
this conversation?
2131
01:28:30,936 --> 01:28:32,270
This is insane.
2132
01:28:32,272 --> 01:28:35,172
I don't have to explain myself
to you.
2133
01:28:35,174 --> 01:28:36,907
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.
2134
01:28:36,909 --> 01:28:38,309
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.
2135
01:28:38,311 --> 01:28:39,310
I want you to be happy.
2136
01:28:39,312 --> 01:28:40,911
But more than that,
I want you to be in charge.
2137
01:28:40,913 --> 01:28:42,846
And I want you
to be president.
2138
01:28:42,848 --> 01:28:44,984
For the sake of the future
of our country.
2139
01:28:48,988 --> 01:28:50,656
Look, there's another option.
2140
01:28:52,024 --> 01:28:53,324
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service
2141
01:28:53,326 --> 01:28:57,395
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...
2142
01:28:57,397 --> 01:28:58,962
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.
2143
01:28:58,964 --> 01:29:01,199
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House
2144
01:29:01,201 --> 01:29:02,802
- that Woodrow Wilson...
- That's enough.
2145
01:29:05,072 --> 01:29:06,804
Fred is not an idea
2146
01:29:06,806 --> 01:29:09,240
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.
2147
01:29:09,242 --> 01:29:11,278
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.
2148
01:29:17,017 --> 01:29:18,316
Okay. Got it.
2149
01:29:18,318 --> 01:29:19,752
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.
2150
01:29:21,221 --> 01:29:23,223
(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)
2151
01:29:25,691 --> 01:29:27,791
When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.
2152
01:29:27,793 --> 01:29:29,160
Because she's smart and pretty
2153
01:29:29,162 --> 01:29:30,794
and she's going to be
president.
2154
01:29:30,796 --> 01:29:32,765
(SIGHS)
2155
01:29:34,101 --> 01:29:35,634
(BUZZER BUZZES)
2156
01:29:39,039 --> 01:29:41,873
I will be that
little girl's president.
2157
01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:45,110
Thank you,
and God bless America.
2158
01:29:45,112 --> 01:29:48,279
MAGGIE: Massive applause.
Massive cheering.
2159
01:29:48,281 --> 01:29:50,415
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,
2160
01:29:50,417 --> 01:29:54,219
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX
2161
01:29:54,221 --> 01:29:56,687
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...
2162
01:29:56,689 --> 01:29:58,356
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.
2163
01:29:58,358 --> 01:30:00,258
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
2164
01:30:00,260 --> 01:30:01,793
Uh, Madam Secretary,
2165
01:30:01,795 --> 01:30:03,163
the president would like to
see you right now.
2166
01:30:03,897 --> 01:30:05,031
Shit.
2167
01:30:06,066 --> 01:30:07,132
Damn it!
2168
01:30:07,134 --> 01:30:08,401
The nation is at war!
2169
01:30:09,302 --> 01:30:10,502
I find myself torn.
2170
01:30:10,504 --> 01:30:15,106
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...
2171
01:30:15,108 --> 01:30:16,774
Sir, is this a good time?
2172
01:30:16,776 --> 01:30:19,811
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.
2173
01:30:19,813 --> 01:30:20,845
- Oh.
- CHAMBERS: All right.
2174
01:30:20,847 --> 01:30:22,649
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.
2175
01:30:24,050 --> 01:30:26,084
(INAUDIBLE)
2176
01:30:26,086 --> 01:30:27,087
Thanks.
2177
01:30:27,954 --> 01:30:29,189
(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)
2178
01:30:30,390 --> 01:30:32,025
Is everything okay, sir?
2179
01:30:33,093 --> 01:30:35,295
PARKER: Oh, look who it is.
2180
01:30:36,029 --> 01:30:38,830
She's here at last.
2181
01:30:38,832 --> 01:30:41,266
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.
2182
01:30:41,268 --> 01:30:42,669
(DOOR CLOSES)
2183
01:30:44,204 --> 01:30:45,737
(SIGHS)
2184
01:30:45,739 --> 01:30:47,238
This feels like an ambush.
2185
01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:49,274
Well, in the
entertainment world,
2186
01:30:49,276 --> 01:30:51,442
we call this a surprise
walk-on.
2187
01:30:51,444 --> 01:30:52,877
You see, Charlotte,
2188
01:30:52,879 --> 01:30:55,446
we have a number of
business interests
2189
01:30:55,448 --> 01:30:58,316
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected
2190
01:30:58,318 --> 01:31:00,285
by this agreement of yours.
2191
01:31:00,287 --> 01:31:02,787
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,
2192
01:31:02,789 --> 01:31:05,423
I'm looking to use
my connections as president
2193
01:31:05,425 --> 01:31:07,459
to expand
my investment portfolio.
2194
01:31:07,461 --> 01:31:10,128
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.
2195
01:31:10,130 --> 01:31:13,064
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...
2196
01:31:13,066 --> 01:31:15,900
I think what the president
is trying to say,
2197
01:31:15,902 --> 01:31:18,803
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska
2198
01:31:18,805 --> 01:31:22,240
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be
2199
01:31:22,242 --> 01:31:24,144
protected by your initiative.
2200
01:31:24,945 --> 01:31:26,211
Move your server farm.
2201
01:31:26,213 --> 01:31:28,079
PARKER: We want to
build it in Alaska.
2202
01:31:28,081 --> 01:31:29,847
There's plenty of room
for expansion.
2203
01:31:29,849 --> 01:31:32,817
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.
2204
01:31:32,819 --> 01:31:34,520
You're usually so agreeable.
2205
01:31:34,522 --> 01:31:36,955
But I watched you
undermine me
2206
01:31:36,957 --> 01:31:38,990
on TV the other day.
2207
01:31:38,992 --> 01:31:41,059
TV of all places.
2208
01:31:41,061 --> 01:31:43,094
That's my medium. All right?
2209
01:31:43,096 --> 01:31:46,798
You used TV against me!
2210
01:31:46,800 --> 01:31:49,268
That was your first mistake.
2211
01:31:49,270 --> 01:31:52,204
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum
2212
01:31:52,206 --> 01:31:54,275
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.
2213
01:31:56,076 --> 01:31:57,809
Drop the tree thing.
2214
01:31:57,811 --> 01:32:00,246
- Or?
- PARKER: Or...
2215
01:32:00,248 --> 01:32:06,252
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.
2216
01:32:06,254 --> 01:32:08,987
We found
a lot of interesting stuff
2217
01:32:08,989 --> 01:32:10,589
when we hacked
into his webcam.
2218
01:32:10,591 --> 01:32:12,859
Now here is a little taster.
2219
01:32:16,062 --> 01:32:19,164
Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.
2220
01:32:19,166 --> 01:32:20,999
Uh, you want
to come to my room
2221
01:32:21,001 --> 01:32:23,168
and have sex with me
really fast?
2222
01:32:23,170 --> 01:32:26,272
Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.
2223
01:32:26,274 --> 01:32:28,073
It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.
2224
01:32:28,075 --> 01:32:29,143
Great.
2225
01:32:30,278 --> 01:32:31,477
(HANGS UP PHONE)
2226
01:32:31,479 --> 01:32:33,545
(FORWARDING)
2227
01:32:33,547 --> 01:32:35,314
CHARLOTTE: (ON VIDEO)
...important to me.
2228
01:32:35,316 --> 01:32:37,949
That's a good speech.
2229
01:32:37,951 --> 01:32:39,951
CHARLOTTE: The band of misfits
fight back...
2230
01:32:39,953 --> 01:32:41,855
- Nice dress.
- ...against the bullies.
2231
01:32:43,190 --> 01:32:44,390
Never giving up.
2232
01:32:44,392 --> 01:32:45,524
Never laying down.
2233
01:32:45,526 --> 01:32:47,061
(FORWARDING)
2234
01:32:48,596 --> 01:32:50,095
CHARLOTTE: In high school,
2235
01:32:50,097 --> 01:32:51,365
I would talk about
the underdog a lot.
2236
01:32:53,634 --> 01:32:56,368
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox
2237
01:32:56,370 --> 01:32:59,104
rambling on and on
about the injustices
2238
01:32:59,106 --> 01:33:00,274
of the world.
2239
01:33:02,443 --> 01:33:04,176
Which makes you
extremely popular...
2240
01:33:04,178 --> 01:33:05,911
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
2241
01:33:05,913 --> 01:33:07,479
...especially when everybody
would rather be watching
2242
01:33:07,481 --> 01:33:09,248
Beverly Hills, 90210.
2243
01:33:09,250 --> 01:33:11,216
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
2244
01:33:11,218 --> 01:33:13,087
(CHARLOTTE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2245
01:33:17,091 --> 01:33:19,091
Oh, wow.
2246
01:33:19,093 --> 01:33:21,228
(CHARLOTTE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2247
01:33:24,098 --> 01:33:25,900
Oh, boy!
2248
01:33:28,936 --> 01:33:31,537
Oh, no...
2249
01:33:31,539 --> 01:33:33,005
Yucky.
2250
01:33:33,007 --> 01:33:35,307
(CHARLOTTE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON VIDEO)
2251
01:33:35,309 --> 01:33:36,375
FRED: (ON VIDEO) Oh, boy!
2252
01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:38,079
What the fuck?
2253
01:33:39,413 --> 01:33:44,383
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.
2254
01:33:44,385 --> 01:33:46,118
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?
2255
01:33:46,120 --> 01:33:48,120
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,
2256
01:33:48,122 --> 01:33:49,188
because of me.
2257
01:33:49,190 --> 01:33:50,623
And now it's happening
because of me.
2258
01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:51,924
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.
2259
01:33:51,926 --> 01:33:53,158
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.
2260
01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,326
Do we have
a press conference?
2261
01:33:54,328 --> 01:33:57,298
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.
2262
01:33:58,933 --> 01:33:59,998
What?
2263
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:01,333
We scratched the tree thing
2264
01:34:01,335 --> 01:34:03,936
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.
2265
01:34:03,938 --> 01:34:09,041
And some billionaire
motherfucker
2266
01:34:09,043 --> 01:34:12,978
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?
2267
01:34:12,980 --> 01:34:15,247
Doing something
that everybody does?
2268
01:34:15,249 --> 01:34:17,249
Out of a policy
that you cared about,
2269
01:34:17,251 --> 01:34:18,718
since you were
in middle school.
2270
01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:20,452
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.
2271
01:34:20,454 --> 01:34:22,054
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?
2272
01:34:22,056 --> 01:34:26,258
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.
2273
01:34:26,260 --> 01:34:27,393
Well, I don't think
you should right now.
2274
01:34:27,395 --> 01:34:28,495
Oh, my God!
2275
01:34:28,497 --> 01:34:30,095
Of course
you don't think I should.
2276
01:34:30,097 --> 01:34:32,097
You never compromise
for anything in your life,
2277
01:34:32,099 --> 01:34:33,733
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.
2278
01:34:33,735 --> 01:34:36,636
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards
2279
01:34:36,638 --> 01:34:38,103
for anyone who asked,
2280
01:34:38,105 --> 01:34:39,539
to the point that
you don't even know
2281
01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:41,140
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!
2282
01:34:41,142 --> 01:34:42,742
In my world,
in order to achieve
2283
01:34:42,744 --> 01:34:44,677
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.
2284
01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:45,745
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?
2285
01:34:45,747 --> 01:34:47,146
Yeah, motherfucker.
2286
01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:48,381
Okay, that makes sense.
2287
01:34:48,383 --> 01:34:50,983
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted
2288
01:34:50,985 --> 01:34:53,285
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.
2289
01:34:53,287 --> 01:34:55,555
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.
2290
01:34:55,557 --> 01:34:57,590
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.
2291
01:34:57,592 --> 01:34:59,461
You don't have to
do this for me.
2292
01:35:01,496 --> 01:35:03,365
You're not doing this for me.
2293
01:35:04,566 --> 01:35:06,098
(SCOFFS) Obviously.
2294
01:35:06,100 --> 01:35:10,035
Look, you and I both know
2295
01:35:10,037 --> 01:35:12,004
the woman who stands
beside the guy
2296
01:35:12,006 --> 01:35:14,340
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny
2297
01:35:14,342 --> 01:35:17,343
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.
2298
01:35:17,345 --> 01:35:19,111
Don't know if that's
happened enough
2299
01:35:19,113 --> 01:35:20,680
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.
2300
01:35:20,682 --> 01:35:23,383
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.
2301
01:35:23,385 --> 01:35:25,185
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.
2302
01:35:25,187 --> 01:35:26,719
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.
2303
01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,354
You don't know how people
are gonna react.
2304
01:35:28,356 --> 01:35:30,358
I'm not taking that risk.
2305
01:35:31,526 --> 01:35:33,027
(SIGHS)
2306
01:35:34,329 --> 01:35:35,397
I can't do it.
2307
01:35:36,798 --> 01:35:38,266
Okay.
2308
01:35:44,339 --> 01:35:48,210
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?
2309
01:35:53,548 --> 01:35:57,717
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows
2310
01:35:57,719 --> 01:36:00,186
this consultant who could
scrub your history.
2311
01:36:00,188 --> 01:36:01,721
We could make sure
nothing else like this
2312
01:36:01,723 --> 01:36:04,092
pops up and surprises us.
2313
01:36:04,626 --> 01:36:05,792
And then we just...
2314
01:36:05,794 --> 01:36:07,227
We work on your image,
2315
01:36:07,229 --> 01:36:09,162
and we figure out
how we want to
2316
01:36:09,164 --> 01:36:11,631
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.
2317
01:36:11,633 --> 01:36:12,767
That's all.
2318
01:36:18,073 --> 01:36:20,206
- Okay.
- Okay.
2319
01:36:20,208 --> 01:36:21,374
How long...
How long will it take,
2320
01:36:21,376 --> 01:36:24,344
do you think, to create
2321
01:36:24,346 --> 01:36:27,247
an image of me that we can
present to the public?
2322
01:36:27,249 --> 01:36:30,818
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.
2323
01:36:30,820 --> 01:36:33,386
You think? But you don't
know that, right?
2324
01:36:33,388 --> 01:36:34,687
It could take longer
than that.
2325
01:36:34,689 --> 01:36:37,090
In a couple of months,
you could find that it's not a good moment
2326
01:36:37,092 --> 01:36:39,626
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?
2327
01:36:39,628 --> 01:36:41,829
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.
2328
01:36:41,831 --> 01:36:44,432
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.
2329
01:36:45,300 --> 01:36:47,567
And then meanwhile,
2330
01:36:47,569 --> 01:36:49,471
you're pretending
not to date me.
2331
01:36:50,639 --> 01:36:53,506
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?
2332
01:36:53,508 --> 01:36:55,275
So my articles are gone.
2333
01:36:55,277 --> 01:36:57,210
And you, like, sneak me around
2334
01:36:57,212 --> 01:36:59,178
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?
2335
01:36:59,180 --> 01:37:00,346
Is that what
we're talking about?
2336
01:37:00,348 --> 01:37:03,483
I just want to be clear,
that's what we're talking about.
2337
01:37:03,485 --> 01:37:05,821
And we have to do that
because I'm...
2338
01:37:07,355 --> 01:37:08,523
...not right.
2339
01:37:10,358 --> 01:37:13,126
And then once we present us
to the world,
2340
01:37:13,128 --> 01:37:17,667
we present a version of me
that isn't... actually me?
2341
01:37:21,369 --> 01:37:22,437
Yeah.
2342
01:37:25,775 --> 01:37:26,842
(FRED SIGHS)
2343
01:37:31,814 --> 01:37:33,248
I can't do it.
2344
01:37:35,383 --> 01:37:37,484
I wish
2345
01:37:37,486 --> 01:37:40,590
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.
2346
01:37:49,765 --> 01:37:51,366
You don't have to do it.
2347
01:38:12,488 --> 01:38:14,488
FRED: Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.
2348
01:38:14,490 --> 01:38:18,425
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her
2349
01:38:18,427 --> 01:38:20,259
and someone like me
could work?
2350
01:38:20,261 --> 01:38:23,397
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.
2351
01:38:23,399 --> 01:38:25,966
Like, I don't know who she is.
2352
01:38:25,968 --> 01:38:28,936
She has no moral compass.
2353
01:38:28,938 --> 01:38:31,605
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,
2354
01:38:31,607 --> 01:38:33,240
Republicans the next
fucking day.
2355
01:38:33,242 --> 01:38:34,308
I mean, what's wrong
with working
2356
01:38:34,310 --> 01:38:35,676
with Democrats
and Republicans?
2357
01:38:35,678 --> 01:38:37,411
That's...
That's the whole country.
2358
01:38:37,413 --> 01:38:40,614
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,
2359
01:38:40,616 --> 01:38:42,282
I guess is the problem
with that.
2360
01:38:42,284 --> 01:38:45,686
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?
2361
01:38:45,688 --> 01:38:48,489
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.
2362
01:38:48,491 --> 01:38:50,991
- (SCOFFS)
- What's the problem here?
2363
01:38:50,993 --> 01:38:52,660
I'm a Republican.
2364
01:38:52,662 --> 01:38:54,428
You're fucking joking
right now.
2365
01:38:54,430 --> 01:38:57,631
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.
2366
01:38:57,633 --> 01:38:58,966
You're a Republican.
2367
01:38:58,968 --> 01:38:59,867
Yeah, I'm a Republican!
2368
01:38:59,869 --> 01:39:02,336
The shit has worked out
so far for me.
2369
01:39:02,338 --> 01:39:03,904
What the fuck, man?
2370
01:39:03,906 --> 01:39:05,439
All that shit
you're always saying to me!
2371
01:39:05,441 --> 01:39:06,640
- Yeah.
- Pull yourself up
2372
01:39:06,642 --> 01:39:09,309
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.
2373
01:39:09,311 --> 01:39:11,545
- Republican shit.
- Oh, and it worked on me.
2374
01:39:11,547 --> 01:39:13,280
And it works
on a lot of people.
2375
01:39:13,282 --> 01:39:14,448
Oh, that's fucking sick.
2376
01:39:14,450 --> 01:39:15,549
That's right.
2377
01:39:15,551 --> 01:39:16,917
Ugh! That's gross!
2378
01:39:16,919 --> 01:39:18,852
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain
2379
01:39:18,854 --> 01:39:20,954
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!
2380
01:39:20,956 --> 01:39:22,423
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,
2381
01:39:22,425 --> 01:39:23,524
your negative way of thinking.
2382
01:39:23,526 --> 01:39:24,792
I don't even know you!
2383
01:39:24,794 --> 01:39:25,659
- What do you mean?
- Ugh!
2384
01:39:25,661 --> 01:39:27,261
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.
2385
01:39:27,263 --> 01:39:28,328
Your best friend.
2386
01:39:28,330 --> 01:39:29,563
Why'd you never tell me this?
2387
01:39:29,565 --> 01:39:31,699
'Cause I knew you'd act exactly
how you're acting right now.
2388
01:39:31,701 --> 01:39:33,367
Wait a minute.
2389
01:39:33,369 --> 01:39:35,869
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us...
2390
01:39:35,871 --> 01:39:36,837
Take it easy.
2391
01:39:36,839 --> 01:39:38,772
There's someone watching
over us at all times.
2392
01:39:38,774 --> 01:39:40,741
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...
2393
01:39:40,743 --> 01:39:41,878
I'm a man of Christian faith.
2394
01:39:42,478 --> 01:39:44,511
What the fuck!
2395
01:39:44,513 --> 01:39:46,014
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!
2396
01:39:46,016 --> 01:39:47,514
Don't pray for me! Keep it!
2397
01:39:47,516 --> 01:39:49,583
- Lord.
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!
2398
01:39:49,585 --> 01:39:51,552
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!
2399
01:39:51,554 --> 01:39:52,720
You are trippin' right now.
2400
01:39:52,722 --> 01:39:53,787
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?
2401
01:39:53,789 --> 01:39:58,492
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!
2402
01:39:58,494 --> 01:39:59,660
What did you think it was for?
2403
01:39:59,662 --> 01:40:02,063
I thought it was... (SIGHS)
2404
01:40:02,065 --> 01:40:03,630
...a cultural thing.
2405
01:40:03,632 --> 01:40:05,367
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?
2406
01:40:06,702 --> 01:40:07,838
That's what
I thought, yeah.
2407
01:40:08,504 --> 01:40:09,570
That might be.
2408
01:40:09,572 --> 01:40:11,806
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.
2409
01:40:11,808 --> 01:40:13,875
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!
2410
01:40:13,877 --> 01:40:15,542
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!
2411
01:40:15,544 --> 01:40:16,778
All right, dude...
2412
01:40:16,780 --> 01:40:18,645
I love you, man.
2413
01:40:18,647 --> 01:40:21,648
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics
2414
01:40:21,650 --> 01:40:23,785
to get into this,
because you've never really
2415
01:40:23,787 --> 01:40:25,586
been good at looking at shit
2416
01:40:25,588 --> 01:40:27,454
from other people's
perspective, Fred.
2417
01:40:27,456 --> 01:40:28,890
- I know.
- It might explain
2418
01:40:28,892 --> 01:40:31,626
why you haven't been able to look
at this through Charlotte's eyes.
2419
01:40:31,628 --> 01:40:32,694
I'm sorry.
2420
01:40:32,696 --> 01:40:34,629
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,
2421
01:40:34,631 --> 01:40:37,031
and you had to
hide your true self.
2422
01:40:37,033 --> 01:40:38,365
That's really fucked up.
2423
01:40:38,367 --> 01:40:39,433
That's all right, man.
2424
01:40:39,435 --> 01:40:43,370
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D
2425
01:40:43,372 --> 01:40:45,106
has nothing to do with us.
2426
01:40:45,108 --> 01:40:47,041
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.
2427
01:40:47,043 --> 01:40:49,476
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.
2428
01:40:49,478 --> 01:40:50,845
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
2429
01:40:50,847 --> 01:40:53,014
JAMES: Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,
2430
01:40:53,016 --> 01:40:54,716
which I did and it turns out,
2431
01:40:54,718 --> 01:40:56,017
I don't really like yoga.
2432
01:40:56,019 --> 01:40:59,487
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,
2433
01:40:59,489 --> 01:41:00,688
"Fuck the polls"?
2434
01:41:00,690 --> 01:41:05,994
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.
2435
01:41:05,996 --> 01:41:07,796
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.
2436
01:41:07,798 --> 01:41:08,930
That was a bit of a bummer,
2437
01:41:08,932 --> 01:41:11,432
because I really,
I like to laugh.
2438
01:41:11,434 --> 01:41:12,867
- A lot.
- Hmm.
2439
01:41:12,869 --> 01:41:15,003
Um, but we came up
with another laugh
2440
01:41:15,005 --> 01:41:16,738
that was better.
That's more, uh...
2441
01:41:16,740 --> 01:41:18,573
- Presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.
2442
01:41:18,575 --> 01:41:20,108
(LAUGHING)
2443
01:41:20,110 --> 01:41:21,109
That's good.
2444
01:41:21,111 --> 01:41:22,744
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.
2445
01:41:22,746 --> 01:41:25,413
- Yeah.
- (SLURPS) Mmm.
2446
01:41:25,415 --> 01:41:27,582
So, um, after dinner,
2447
01:41:27,584 --> 01:41:29,150
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?
2448
01:41:29,152 --> 01:41:30,418
Ooh.
2449
01:41:30,420 --> 01:41:33,588
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.
2450
01:41:33,590 --> 01:41:35,924
It's called Mini Bar.
2451
01:41:35,926 --> 01:41:40,128
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.
2452
01:41:40,130 --> 01:41:44,432
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.
2453
01:41:44,434 --> 01:41:46,034
- Hmm.
- It's actually more of
2454
01:41:46,036 --> 01:41:47,769
a small fridge than a bar.
2455
01:41:47,771 --> 01:41:49,637
- And it's in my room...
- No, I get it.
2456
01:41:49,639 --> 01:41:51,072
I'm inviting you
back to my room.
2457
01:41:51,074 --> 01:41:53,743
- I...
- (HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)
2458
01:41:55,745 --> 01:41:57,812
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!
2459
01:41:57,814 --> 01:41:58,947
- (CHUCKLING)
- I don't know why
2460
01:41:58,949 --> 01:42:01,351
they told you
not to use that laugh.
2461
01:42:02,752 --> 01:42:03,887
- It's...
- (SLURPS LOUDLY)
2462
01:42:10,694 --> 01:42:12,594
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.
2463
01:42:12,596 --> 01:42:14,963
(CAR RADIO
PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
2464
01:42:14,965 --> 01:42:16,833
Yeah. Big day.
2465
01:42:35,619 --> 01:42:36,851
(SIGHS)
2466
01:42:36,853 --> 01:42:39,156
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."
2467
01:42:48,165 --> 01:42:50,034
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2468
01:43:02,579 --> 01:43:03,647
Hello?
2469
01:43:05,249 --> 01:43:06,849
Beep.
2470
01:43:06,851 --> 01:43:09,186
Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.
2471
01:43:10,021 --> 01:43:12,254
It's Fred.
2472
01:43:12,256 --> 01:43:15,723
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.
2473
01:43:15,725 --> 01:43:17,826
You were right
about everything
2474
01:43:17,828 --> 01:43:19,931
and I was wrong
about everything.
2475
01:43:21,631 --> 01:43:26,001
And we should go along
with the plan.
2476
01:43:26,003 --> 01:43:29,639
I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.
2477
01:43:30,607 --> 01:43:32,107
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,
2478
01:43:32,109 --> 01:43:35,713
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.
2479
01:43:36,213 --> 01:43:37,645
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
2480
01:43:37,647 --> 01:43:41,050
But I would do anything
to continue,
2481
01:43:41,052 --> 01:43:42,753
to be able to be with you.
2482
01:43:46,589 --> 01:43:47,758
Okay, bye.
2483
01:43:59,637 --> 01:44:00,638
(KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS)
2484
01:44:02,106 --> 01:44:03,839
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?
2485
01:44:03,841 --> 01:44:06,775
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.
2486
01:44:06,777 --> 01:44:09,044
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.
2487
01:44:09,046 --> 01:44:10,913
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.
2488
01:44:10,915 --> 01:44:12,314
We need his endorsement.
2489
01:44:12,316 --> 01:44:14,652
- Yep.
- Yep.
2490
01:44:17,321 --> 01:44:19,757
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.
2491
01:44:22,893 --> 01:44:26,061
You know,
he called last night.
2492
01:44:26,063 --> 01:44:28,197
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.
2493
01:44:28,199 --> 01:44:31,600
(EXHALES) Really? Wow.
2494
01:44:31,602 --> 01:44:33,704
That's a shock.
2495
01:44:35,139 --> 01:44:38,874
Um... Okay.
2496
01:44:38,876 --> 01:44:40,275
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.
2497
01:44:40,277 --> 01:44:41,278
No, Maggie.
2498
01:44:42,146 --> 01:44:43,746
There's nothing to do.
2499
01:44:43,748 --> 01:44:45,716
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.
2500
01:44:48,619 --> 01:44:51,787
Well, today is
such a good day,
2501
01:44:51,789 --> 01:44:53,756
and I am so excited.
2502
01:44:53,758 --> 01:44:55,224
We should be psyched.
2503
01:44:55,226 --> 01:44:57,826
So psyched. (CHUCKLES)
2504
01:44:57,828 --> 01:44:59,962
All right,
I will see you out there.
2505
01:44:59,964 --> 01:45:01,032
All right.
2506
01:45:20,218 --> 01:45:21,585
LANCE: Hey, man.
2507
01:45:22,254 --> 01:45:23,321
Can I get a beer?
2508
01:45:24,922 --> 01:45:28,090
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.
2509
01:45:28,092 --> 01:45:30,726
How you feelin' though?
2510
01:45:30,728 --> 01:45:32,761
(EXHALES) Okay, you know,
you were right.
2511
01:45:32,763 --> 01:45:33,962
I called her.
2512
01:45:33,964 --> 01:45:35,798
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.
2513
01:45:35,800 --> 01:45:37,833
So... Whatever.
2514
01:45:37,835 --> 01:45:39,171
Sure you wanna watch this?
2515
01:45:40,138 --> 01:45:41,572
Yeah, I have to.
2516
01:45:43,841 --> 01:45:46,409
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you
2517
01:45:46,411 --> 01:45:47,343
to Lil Yachty.
2518
01:45:47,345 --> 01:45:49,245
He's going to be
performing after the speech.
2519
01:45:49,247 --> 01:45:50,779
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.
2520
01:45:50,781 --> 01:45:53,116
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.
2521
01:45:53,118 --> 01:45:55,187
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- (CLEARS THROAT) Okay.
2522
01:45:57,655 --> 01:45:59,690
- (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
2523
01:46:07,265 --> 01:46:09,167
(CHEERING CONTINUES ON TV)
2524
01:46:13,238 --> 01:46:14,938
Good morning!
2525
01:46:14,940 --> 01:46:17,909
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.
2526
01:46:19,177 --> 01:46:20,776
Let me start
by saying something
2527
01:46:20,778 --> 01:46:23,146
I haven't said since I was 16
2528
01:46:23,148 --> 01:46:25,215
and worked
at Blockbuster Video.
2529
01:46:25,217 --> 01:46:27,119
(LAUGHTER)
2530
01:46:27,452 --> 01:46:28,750
I quit...
2531
01:46:28,752 --> 01:46:30,887
- (CHUCKLES)
- I helped write that joke.
2532
01:46:30,889 --> 01:46:32,088
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.
2533
01:46:32,090 --> 01:46:34,190
...as secretary of state,
2534
01:46:34,192 --> 01:46:35,825
in order to run
2535
01:46:35,827 --> 01:46:38,995
for president of
the United States of America.
2536
01:46:38,997 --> 01:46:40,932
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
2537
01:46:42,200 --> 01:46:44,136
(CHUCKLING) God bless.
2538
01:46:46,972 --> 01:46:49,472
And I'm honored
2539
01:46:49,474 --> 01:46:53,209
to have the full support
of President Chambers,
2540
01:46:53,211 --> 01:46:55,912
a man I greatly admire.
2541
01:46:55,914 --> 01:46:59,282
A man who is
an extraordinary leader.
2542
01:46:59,284 --> 01:47:01,153
Man, you know
who you should date?
2543
01:47:02,354 --> 01:47:03,889
Taylor Swift.
2544
01:47:05,056 --> 01:47:07,056
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.
2545
01:47:07,058 --> 01:47:10,994
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?
2546
01:47:10,996 --> 01:47:12,795
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.
2547
01:47:12,797 --> 01:47:14,297
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!
2548
01:47:14,299 --> 01:47:15,832
Oh, I get it.
2549
01:47:15,834 --> 01:47:17,936
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.
2550
01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:23,106
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.
2551
01:47:23,108 --> 01:47:24,340
That's true.
2552
01:47:24,342 --> 01:47:26,311
But this campaign
is not about me.
2553
01:47:27,012 --> 01:47:28,845
It's about you.
2554
01:47:28,847 --> 01:47:30,079
It's about us.
2555
01:47:30,081 --> 01:47:31,281
(WOMAN WHOOPS)
2556
01:47:31,283 --> 01:47:32,882
It's about how together,
2557
01:47:32,884 --> 01:47:36,953
we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.
2558
01:47:36,955 --> 01:47:38,690
(ALL CHEERING)
2559
01:47:40,058 --> 01:47:43,026
I have dreamt
about this moment
2560
01:47:43,028 --> 01:47:45,261
(EXHALES) ever since
I was a little girl
2561
01:47:45,263 --> 01:47:47,365
growing up
in the nation's capital.
2562
01:47:50,001 --> 01:47:53,537
And I know
that if that young girl
2563
01:47:53,539 --> 01:47:57,008
could see me
standing up here right now...
2564
01:47:59,844 --> 01:48:01,012
(SIGHS)
2565
01:48:02,314 --> 01:48:04,983
She would be so...
2566
01:48:07,085 --> 01:48:08,218
(CLICKS TONGUE)
2567
01:48:08,220 --> 01:48:09,921
She would be...
2568
01:48:16,362 --> 01:48:17,496
What's happening?
2569
01:48:19,097 --> 01:48:22,734
She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.
2570
01:48:24,437 --> 01:48:27,971
Yeah, the truth is, that girl
2571
01:48:27,973 --> 01:48:29,172
would want me to be honest
2572
01:48:29,174 --> 01:48:31,841
and have integrity and not be
2573
01:48:31,843 --> 01:48:35,248
blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.
2574
01:48:37,483 --> 01:48:39,316
So instead, I'm just gonna...
2575
01:48:39,318 --> 01:48:42,453
I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.
2576
01:48:42,455 --> 01:48:44,421
- So here we go.
- (FEEDBACK ON MIC)
2577
01:48:44,423 --> 01:48:48,091
Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...
2578
01:48:48,093 --> 01:48:49,393
Whoo!
2579
01:48:49,395 --> 01:48:50,594
...are doing some
evil shit together.
2580
01:48:50,596 --> 01:48:52,329
And because
I just told you now,
2581
01:48:52,331 --> 01:48:55,932
they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated
2582
01:48:55,934 --> 01:48:58,269
jerking off all over himself.
2583
01:48:58,271 --> 01:48:59,270
Release the video.
2584
01:48:59,272 --> 01:49:01,338
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!
2585
01:49:01,340 --> 01:49:03,842
But don't slut shame me. I...
2586
01:49:05,144 --> 01:49:06,212
I like him.
2587
01:49:06,945 --> 01:49:08,512
I like him a lot.
2588
01:49:08,514 --> 01:49:10,516
Fred, you gotta go to her.
2589
01:49:12,618 --> 01:49:14,884
Go get her ass, man.
2590
01:49:14,886 --> 01:49:16,222
And he jerks off.
2591
01:49:18,557 --> 01:49:20,624
And so do all of you.
2592
01:49:20,626 --> 01:49:21,891
Hell, yeah!
2593
01:49:21,893 --> 01:49:24,094
So deal with it.
2594
01:49:24,096 --> 01:49:25,564
Deal with it, America.
2595
01:49:31,270 --> 01:49:33,039
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
2596
01:49:34,507 --> 01:49:36,540
Hey! I'm Fred!
2597
01:49:36,542 --> 01:49:38,208
Is that an XL?
2598
01:49:38,210 --> 01:49:39,476
I've got five stars in it,
2599
01:49:39,478 --> 01:49:40,978
if you could speed
this shit up, man!
2600
01:49:40,980 --> 01:49:42,313
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.
2601
01:49:42,315 --> 01:49:43,647
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!
2602
01:49:43,649 --> 01:49:46,018
- (ALL CLAMORING)
- AGENT M: Get back! Get back!
2603
01:49:49,088 --> 01:49:51,190
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.
2604
01:49:52,391 --> 01:49:53,926
(ALL CLAMORING)
2605
01:49:55,127 --> 01:49:56,393
MAGGIE: She's leaving?
Where is she going?
2606
01:49:56,395 --> 01:49:58,195
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.
2607
01:49:58,197 --> 01:50:00,364
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!
2608
01:50:00,366 --> 01:50:01,298
I can't.
2609
01:50:01,300 --> 01:50:03,133
LANCE: Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert
2610
01:50:03,135 --> 01:50:05,336
- with your name on it.
- FRED: Don't open it!
2611
01:50:05,338 --> 01:50:08,038
FRED: (ON VIDEO)
Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!
2612
01:50:08,040 --> 01:50:09,440
(LAUGHING) Oh, Fred!
2613
01:50:09,442 --> 01:50:12,443
Oh, no. Oh, no.
2614
01:50:12,445 --> 01:50:13,644
Hey, it's all right, man.
2615
01:50:13,646 --> 01:50:15,312
You know,
we all got our things.
2616
01:50:15,314 --> 01:50:17,014
I don't bust a nut
on my face.
2617
01:50:17,016 --> 01:50:19,216
- But, like...
- It's not like a thing I do!
2618
01:50:19,218 --> 01:50:20,384
(GUFFAWS)
2619
01:50:20,386 --> 01:50:22,219
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?
2620
01:50:22,221 --> 01:50:25,057
(SCOFFS) This is the news!
2621
01:50:25,659 --> 01:50:27,326
(LAUGHING) Oh, shit.
2622
01:50:35,267 --> 01:50:38,502
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.
2623
01:50:38,504 --> 01:50:40,371
Secretary Field
just drove away,
2624
01:50:40,373 --> 01:50:42,439
no comment
as to her destination.
2625
01:50:42,441 --> 01:50:44,576
We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...
2626
01:50:44,578 --> 01:50:46,410
CAMERAMAN: Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!
2627
01:50:46,412 --> 01:50:48,112
- MAN: Yeah, that's him!
- REPORTER: Oh, sir,
2628
01:50:48,114 --> 01:50:49,313
just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.
2629
01:50:49,315 --> 01:50:52,449
No! I'm come-guy?
2630
01:50:52,451 --> 01:50:54,151
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!
2631
01:50:54,153 --> 01:50:55,285
Thank you!
2632
01:50:55,287 --> 01:50:57,390
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!
2633
01:51:12,138 --> 01:51:13,205
Hi.
2634
01:51:14,206 --> 01:51:15,374
Holy shit.
2635
01:51:17,477 --> 01:51:19,011
Did you see my speech?
2636
01:51:20,246 --> 01:51:22,982
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.
2637
01:51:23,450 --> 01:51:24,451
Yeah.
2638
01:51:27,253 --> 01:51:29,188
You know,
your video's out there.
2639
01:51:30,089 --> 01:51:31,591
Yeah, I caught that.
(CHUCKLES)
2640
01:51:38,598 --> 01:51:40,567
Here's the deal.
I love you.
2641
01:51:42,335 --> 01:51:44,436
I know I do.
2642
01:51:44,438 --> 01:51:47,407
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.
2643
01:51:50,377 --> 01:51:55,080
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.
2644
01:51:56,416 --> 01:51:58,585
Just me and Saddam.
2645
01:52:01,655 --> 01:52:03,523
And this is way scarier.
2646
01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:07,993
I love you.
2647
01:52:11,131 --> 01:52:13,598
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.
2648
01:52:13,600 --> 01:52:15,202
'Cause I'm freaking out.
2649
01:52:18,070 --> 01:52:20,340
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.
2650
01:52:22,809 --> 01:52:24,676
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
2651
01:52:24,678 --> 01:52:26,146
(CHUCKLES)
2652
01:52:31,685 --> 01:52:33,687
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
2653
01:52:41,461 --> 01:52:42,462
Oh.
2654
01:52:44,164 --> 01:52:45,230
Hello?
2655
01:52:45,232 --> 01:52:48,299
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here
2656
01:52:48,301 --> 01:52:50,702
and they want to talk to the
candidate and the come-guy.
2657
01:52:50,704 --> 01:52:52,539
So, I figured they'd hit you.
2658
01:53:04,251 --> 01:53:06,119
(ALL CHEERING)
2659
01:53:13,426 --> 01:53:14,761
LANCE: Fred!
2660
01:53:15,729 --> 01:53:17,264
Fred!
2661
01:53:22,569 --> 01:53:25,503
A crazy day.
2662
01:53:25,505 --> 01:53:27,740
But I'm really glad
you're all here.
2663
01:53:27,742 --> 01:53:29,810
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.
2664
01:53:31,177 --> 01:53:32,245
This is Fred.
2665
01:53:32,880 --> 01:53:34,147
Hi, there.
2666
01:53:35,750 --> 01:53:37,750
- My boyfriend.
- (ALL CHEERING)
2667
01:53:37,752 --> 01:53:39,119
Whoo!
2668
01:53:42,422 --> 01:53:44,355
You kind of
know him already,
2669
01:53:44,357 --> 01:53:46,457
but you'll get to
know him a lot more
2670
01:53:46,459 --> 01:53:47,762
in the next few months...
2671
01:53:48,963 --> 01:53:51,596
'Cause he's gonna be right by
my side on my campaign trail.
2672
01:53:51,598 --> 01:53:53,300
(ALL CHEERING)
2673
01:53:56,503 --> 01:53:57,838
(CHEERING LOUDER)
2674
01:54:02,242 --> 01:54:04,110
Wakanda Forever!
2675
01:54:12,319 --> 01:54:14,587
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2676
01:54:14,589 --> 01:54:17,190
ALL: (CHANTING)
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2677
01:54:18,358 --> 01:54:19,825
LANCE: I started the chant!
2678
01:54:19,827 --> 01:54:21,762
I started that chant!
2679
01:54:25,499 --> 01:54:27,198
...that I will
faithfully execute
2680
01:54:27,200 --> 01:54:30,436
the office of the president
of the United States.
2681
01:54:30,438 --> 01:54:31,804
REPORTER:
What a momentous day,
2682
01:54:31,806 --> 01:54:33,304
our first female president.
2683
01:54:33,306 --> 01:54:35,239
I never thought I'd see it.
2684
01:54:35,241 --> 01:54:36,942
Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say
2685
01:54:36,944 --> 01:54:38,944
this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,
2686
01:54:38,946 --> 01:54:41,212
but do we really want
her finger on the button
2687
01:54:41,214 --> 01:54:42,548
when it's that time
of the month?
2688
01:54:42,550 --> 01:54:44,416
I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision
2689
01:54:44,418 --> 01:54:45,751
during that time
of the month.
2690
01:54:45,753 --> 01:54:47,586
You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.
2691
01:54:47,588 --> 01:54:49,187
Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.
2692
01:54:49,189 --> 01:54:50,723
- (LAUGHS) Oh!
- Looks like Aunt Flow
2693
01:54:50,725 --> 01:54:52,591
is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!
2694
01:54:52,593 --> 01:54:53,826
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!
2695
01:54:53,828 --> 01:54:58,196
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.
2696
01:54:58,198 --> 01:54:59,665
My name is Fred Field.
2697
01:54:59,667 --> 01:55:00,833
I took my wife's last name.
2698
01:55:00,835 --> 01:55:04,903
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.
2699
01:55:04,905 --> 01:55:07,873
We're starting with the
portraits of the first spouses.
2700
01:55:07,875 --> 01:55:09,742
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.
2701
01:55:09,744 --> 01:55:10,809
Jackie Kennedy.
2702
01:55:10,811 --> 01:55:13,646
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.
2703
01:55:13,648 --> 01:55:16,382
And that leads us
into my portrait.
2704
01:55:16,384 --> 01:55:18,651
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,
2705
01:55:18,653 --> 01:55:21,220
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.
2706
01:55:21,222 --> 01:55:22,890
The first versions
were a little over the top.
2707
01:55:24,625 --> 01:55:26,692
Hi, guys.
2708
01:55:26,694 --> 01:55:28,560
FRED: I used to think the best
way for me to change the world,
2709
01:55:28,562 --> 01:55:30,462
to make it a better place
was through journalism.
2710
01:55:30,464 --> 01:55:31,930
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.
2711
01:55:31,932 --> 01:55:35,534
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world
2712
01:55:35,536 --> 01:55:38,537
is just supporting
this amazing person
2713
01:55:38,539 --> 01:55:40,339
and just trying to
learn from her
2714
01:55:40,341 --> 01:55:41,874
and kinda just trying to be
2715
01:55:41,876 --> 01:55:44,410
the best first mister
I can be.
2716
01:55:44,412 --> 01:55:46,979
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.
2717
01:55:46,981 --> 01:55:49,782
- He did.
- There we are.
2718
01:55:49,784 --> 01:55:50,949
CHARLOTTE:
You're wearing mittens.
2719
01:55:50,951 --> 01:55:52,351
FRED: Got little mittens on.
2720
01:55:52,353 --> 01:55:54,853
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.
2721
01:55:54,855 --> 01:55:56,789
It really has
an amazing arc to it.
2722
01:55:56,791 --> 01:55:59,725
INTERVIEWER: What are some of
the perks of your new roles?
2723
01:55:59,727 --> 01:56:03,029
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.
2724
01:56:03,031 --> 01:56:05,264
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.
2725
01:56:05,266 --> 01:56:06,498
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.
2726
01:56:06,500 --> 01:56:07,666
- Don't.
- I won't say.
2727
01:56:07,668 --> 01:56:08,767
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.
2728
01:56:08,769 --> 01:56:09,835
It's not who you think!
2729
01:56:09,837 --> 01:56:11,370
Don't do it.
2730
01:56:11,372 --> 01:56:12,440
It's pretty surprising.
2731
01:56:13,374 --> 01:56:14,873
He's my Mister.
2732
01:56:14,875 --> 01:56:17,511
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.
2733
01:56:20,549 --> 01:56:25,549
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org