1
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,530
Look...uh, I don't wanna be 'Mr. Rush' here.
2
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:10,900
but I do have another meeting over at
3
00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:12,900
Rothman's place, in 40 minutes
4
00:01:12,910 --> 00:01:14,900
...so, without further adieu
5
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000
The day...
6
00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,400
I came up with this idea
7
00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:21,400
I was in a cheese shop, in Paris
8
00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,400
with Isabella Rosalini.
9
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:25,400
I know how pretentious that sounds.
10
00:01:25,410 --> 00:01:27,400
so lemme just bring it
down to Earth for ya, okay?
11
00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:29,900
Isabella, she's lactose intolerant
12
00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:31,700
She is?
- ...and I just spent
13
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:33,700
the entire ride back to our apartment
14
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:35,700
sticking my head out the window
15
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,700
just biting the air like a dog
16
00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:41,950
Don't you tell her I told you that.
17
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,200
-No, no no...it's...
- Alright.
18
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:45,500
Let's get down to it.
19
00:01:45,510 --> 00:01:47,750
This is a movie that is about something.
20
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,000
But, it could also be very commercial.
21
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,000
It's a smart movie
22
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:52,900
with heart.
23
00:01:52,910 --> 00:01:54,900
Sort of like "The Help".
24
00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:56,900
- I love that movie
- Thank you.
25
00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:58,900
Look...
26
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,900
Have you ever
been in a place, in your life...
27
00:02:00,910 --> 00:02:03,500
where it can go either
way, it's like a crossroads.
28
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,120
I don't have to make movies.
29
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:06,200
I'm done, I'm set.
30
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,250
so, if I don't get to make this film
31
00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:10,250
the way that I wanna make it
32
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,500
I'm gonna walk away
from the business forever.
33
00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:14,500
Wow, okay, lets...
34
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,500
go, let me hear it.
35
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,500
Okay...
36
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:23,000
The movie opens on a smart
37
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,000
career woman.
38
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,000
Think, Kate Winslet.
39
00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:28,000
And, she's about to go out
40
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:30,000
On a boring date.
41
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:33,960
Hey. Ooh! You look good.
42
00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:36,260
Hope you're almost ready.
He's gonna be here any second.
43
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:39,090
I don't know why I'm doing this,
Pam. I don't trust Julie.
44
00:02:39,090 --> 00:02:42,720
- I mean, what if this guy's a loser?
- He's not a loser.
45
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,640
He made senior partner at his law
firm by the time he was,
46
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:45,720
like, twenty-eight.
47
00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:48,100
So all he cares about is
his career and money.
48
00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:52,110
Mm, not according to Julie. He's a
volunteer with the Special Olympics,
49
00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:54,070
he's on the board of
the New York Philharmonic...
50
00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:56,240
He's opening a new restaurant
with Derek Jeter!
51
00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:59,280
But he's probably got one of those
awkward character faces...
52
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,870
that sort of really has
to grow on you, right?
53
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,870
Mr. "Character Face" is on
the cover of Gotham Magazine.
54
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,080
- That's him?
- That's him.
55
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,090
Yeah.
56
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,010
And he's here. Go.
57
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:20,590
- Do I look okay?
- Gorgeous.
58
00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:21,840
- You sure?
- Have fun!
59
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:22,970
Bye!
60
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,270
- I mean, you gotta be kidding.
- Several of them.
61
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:32,600
I'm telling you, don't knock
shopping on TV until you've tried it.
62
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,270
Beth, I think-I think you're
the first person I've ever met...
63
00:03:34,270 --> 00:03:35,690
who actually buys
stuff off television.
64
00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:36,890
- No! Come on!
- No, it's true.
65
00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:39,030
Oh, well where do you think
I got this scarf?
66
00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:41,900
And you know what?
I bet it's softer than yours.
67
00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:43,780
Okay. See, that's where
I draw the line.
68
00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,620
Do not start putting down the scarf.
69
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:48,120
Here. Feel this. One-hundred
percent pashmina.
70
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,290
Well, at least that's what
the guy on the street told me.
71
00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:53,210
Come on, then. Wow, that is soft.
Well, you know, I...
72
00:03:53,210 --> 00:03:56,000
Hey, Mr. H. Table's ready, sir.
73
00:03:56,130 --> 00:03:57,170
Great.
74
00:03:57,380 --> 00:03:58,800
- I'll take those.
- Thank you.
75
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:00,550
- Please.
- Our table's ready.
76
00:04:00,550 --> 00:04:01,550
Thank you.
77
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:02,760
After you.
78
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,680
So, um, Carrie tells me you design
clothes for kids. No?
79
00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:12,940
Yes. Clothes for kids. I design...
80
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:16,650
clothes... for kids. Kids clothes.
81
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:17,940
Awesome. Awesome.
82
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:21,990
So, if I see some kids looking weird
this summer, it may be your fault, huh?
83
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:25,410
I'm just joking. I'm just joking.
84
00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:28,370
Your Russian Standard Vodka, sir.
85
00:04:28,370 --> 00:04:29,950
Am I that predictable, Abby?
86
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,790
Eh... Yeah, you good with that? Or would
you prefer a glass of wine or...?
87
00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:37,800
No. No, I... I could, use it.
88
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:38,960
Thank you.
89
00:04:41,550 --> 00:04:44,590
So, here's to a, Here's to
a wonderful evening. Cheers.
90
00:04:46,390 --> 00:04:47,720
Cheers.
91
00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:53,810
Those Russians know something.
92
00:04:56,810 --> 00:04:59,860
This is... a nice place.
93
00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:02,990
Oh, it's great. This pl...
Oh, you gotta check out the ceiling.
94
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,990
Those beams were taken out...
95
00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:07,570
of this old Quaker meetinghouse
out in rural Pennsylvania.
96
00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:12,000
I mean, look. It's all oak. Isn't
that something? It's gorgeous, huh?
97
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,000
Oh, wow, Jake. What's this?
98
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:19,000
Well, Mr. H, this is a vichyssoise
courtesy of Chef Billy.
99
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,920
Now, he heard that you guys
were coming in tonight,
100
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,670
so he's put together a special
four-course meal for you.
101
00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:25,010
Lobster okay tonight?
102
00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:27,470
That's okay with me
if it's okay with you,
103
00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:29,260
un-unless you wanna
check out the menu.
104
00:05:29,510 --> 00:05:31,810
Beth? Unless you wanna
check out the menu, or...?
105
00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:33,770
- No, that's sounds lovely.
- Right.
106
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,600
Terrific.
107
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,810
Please thank the chef.
Thank you.
108
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:39,730
Bon Appétit.
109
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:47,030
Oh, you've, got something on your...
110
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:51,040
Something on my neck? Leave it to me
to embarrass myself on a first date.
111
00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:54,620
Here...
112
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,910
There? There? I got it?
113
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,500
A little bit... bit more on-on
the left b... ball... One.
114
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:03,420
Uh, left side. Of...
Dribbly bit.
115
00:06:06,970 --> 00:06:11,300
Thanks. I mean, no biggie. Trust me,
I've been through worse. I mean, as...
116
00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:14,730
As a kid, I used to get made
fun of all the time.
117
00:06:14,770 --> 00:06:17,390
Was it, because of your...
118
00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,940
My stutter. I... I used to have
a really bad stutter.
119
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:23,650
Actually took probably nine years of
speech therapy to get rid of it.
120
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:39,540
So, was there anything else they...
may have made fun of?
121
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,300
- I don't know.
- Anything at all?
122
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,420
Oh, yeah, some kids used to talk
a little smack about my neck.
123
00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:49,470
- You know.
- Oh, thank God!
124
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:53,350
- What's up?
- I thought I was going crazy. I...
125
00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,560
What?
126
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:58,980
I mean... not a big deal...
at all.
127
00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:03,320
It's just, what is the story there?
128
00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:08,820
Well, when I was six, I fell off my bike
and I landed on a sprinkler head...
129
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:11,360
and they had to stitch me up
at the hospital.
130
00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:13,830
See, it's, it's just a scar. Right?
131
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:17,450
I mean, kids could be mean.
They used to call me Frankenstein.
132
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:22,880
They're like,
"He's alive. He's alive!"
133
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,590
Well, I don't care, you know.
Kids make fun of everything, right?
134
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,800
Is it just me or did it suddenly
get a little chilly in here?
135
00:07:36,010 --> 00:07:37,600
I think it may be that vent there.
136
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,350
- Here we are.
- Man! Look at the size of those things.
137
00:07:42,350 --> 00:07:45,360
Oh, Jake, buddy, would you mind
turning up the heat just a tad?
138
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,720
I think that, that vent's blowing
right on... not a problem.
139
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,400
Thank you.
140
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,740
And, uh, just let me go ahead and...
141
00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,030
- Sure.
- Get this out of your way here.
142
00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,530
Oh, God! Are you... Are you okay?
143
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,040
It's my stomach. There's...
144
00:08:00,290 --> 00:08:01,870
Just get my breath back, you know.
145
00:08:03,830 --> 00:08:05,750
There he is! There's the stud!
146
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:07,420
Hey! Angie! Ray!
147
00:08:07,630 --> 00:08:09,300
Hey, how the hell are you guys?
You're good?
148
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:10,970
Apparently not as good as you.
149
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,840
Hi, I'm Angie and this is
my husband Ray.
150
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,640
- Hi.
- This is my new friend, Beth.
151
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,850
She's slowly restoring
my faith in blind dates.
152
00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:20,390
Well, kudos to you, Beth,
153
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:22,520
for getting this old workaholic
out of his office for once.
154
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,980
Come on. Come on, Ray.
155
00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:27,320
Nice work!
You caught the big one!
156
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,440
Did I?
157
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,320
But... Do you not notice the...
158
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,700
- Look how big little Evan's getting!
- Yeah. Little?
159
00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:37,530
Yeah. He's growing like crazy.
160
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,660
- No.
- Who's a big boy?
161
00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:43,870
Who's a big boy, huh?
162
00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:47,340
Wow, Ray, he's a monster. You got
yourself a little linebacker here.
163
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:49,670
A little linebacker that needs
to go to bed!
164
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:51,970
Okay. You're off to bed.
There you go.
165
00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:55,890
- Fumble.
- Another pacifier down.
166
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,010
I got it.
167
00:08:58,350 --> 00:09:00,020
Thanks, buddy. Thanks bud.
168
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,890
Here, bud. Angie?
169
00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:03,430
You guys look so cute.
I gotta take a picture.
170
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,480
Really?
171
00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:07,440
- Angie, please.
- Hey, let-let the man eat, honey.
172
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,820
Come on, Ray. We have a picture
of our first date.
173
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:11,690
They should have a picture of theirs.
174
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:15,570
Come on, get your fanny over there
behind her and don't be shy.
175
00:09:15,570 --> 00:09:18,910
- All right. Okay, okay. All right.
- Okay.
176
00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:20,740
- I'm sorry about this.
- Get in close.
177
00:09:20,950 --> 00:09:23,460
Beth, I'm gonna need
you to hold still.
178
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,460
Oh, God, they look so...
179
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:28,380
Get down! Get your face down
next to hers! Come on!
180
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:30,590
Take it. Take it. Take it, take it,
take it, take it.
181
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,260
- So good!
- How's that?
182
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:35,970
Now why don't you give
each other a little kiss?
183
00:09:35,970 --> 00:09:37,390
Oh, come on.
Angie, we just met.
184
00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:39,470
Come on, let 'em eat!
Let the man eat!
185
00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:41,260
- Come on! Just a little kiss.
- All right, all right.
186
00:09:41,270 --> 00:09:43,720
We'll do one, one kiss
on the forehead.
187
00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:44,730
- One peck on the forehead.
- We don't need to.
188
00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:45,980
- Ready? Okay.
- We really don't.
189
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:47,350
We don't need...
190
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,300
Oh God.
191
00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:54,300
Uh...I...are you serious?
192
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,060
It's uh, roast Sumatra.
I grind the beans myself.
193
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,690
Hey, thanks again for dinner.
You really didn't have to do this.
194
00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:09,690
Oh, please.
195
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:11,060
What kind of neighbors would we be...
196
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,940
if we didn't have you over
for a welcome dinner?
197
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:16,570
Sean, Samantha was just saying
that they homeschool their son.
198
00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:17,690
Oh, that is interesting.
199
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,070
Well, we just think it's
the only way to make sure...
200
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:22,700
that he gets the best
education possible.
201
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,700
You should really consider
it for your kids.
202
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,500
Hey, you know, Kevin's upstairs
doing his homework right now.
203
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,040
I'm sure he'd love to talk
to you guys about it.
204
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,710
Wait. He... So you homeschool your son
but he still gets homework?
205
00:11:35,170 --> 00:11:37,710
It's very important to us
that Kevin has...
206
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,800
a normal and complete
high school experience.
207
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:47,600
Written assignments are to be done in
black ink. Not green or blue or pink.
208
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,690
When are you gonna get that through
your thick skull, Mr. Morris?
209
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,690
It's Miller.
210
00:11:53,110 --> 00:11:54,820
That's a detention.
211
00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:58,740
Move, move, move, move, move!
Pick it up! Pick it up!
212
00:11:58,740 --> 00:12:00,950
Come on, girlfriend,
pick your knees up!
213
00:12:02,530 --> 00:12:04,070
Oh, I... I see. It's...
214
00:12:04,070 --> 00:12:08,080
But don't you feel like maybe he's,
I don't know, missing out?
215
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,620
Yeah, high school is about more
than just classes and homework.
216
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:13,750
Absolutely. There's
the alienation, the loneliness.
217
00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:16,750
It should be the unhappiest
time in a boy's life.
218
00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:17,880
That's why we try to make sure...
219
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,970
that Kevin doesn't miss out
on any of those essential...
220
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:24,640
emotionally scarring experiences
that he'd get at a regular school.
221
00:12:26,850 --> 00:12:27,850
Fag!
222
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:30,640
Faggot!
223
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,650
You dropped your books, fuckface!
224
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,570
Jesus! Dad, what the fuck!
225
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,120
Whoa. You've got weird pubes.
226
00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:52,250
Hey, guys! Come check out
this kid's weird pubes!
227
00:12:52,670 --> 00:12:55,790
Still, it must be an awful lot
of work for you guys, though.
228
00:12:55,790 --> 00:12:58,800
Oh, sure, there is.
But we love it.
229
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,340
I think we've put together
a pretty comprehensive plan...
230
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:04,890
that provides Kevin with every
important adolescent experience.
231
00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:07,110
You know, socializing
with other kids...
232
00:13:18,570 --> 00:13:20,690
Hey. Kevin, right?
233
00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:23,700
Can I please come in?
234
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,030
Look, Debbie Clark's here,
235
00:13:27,030 --> 00:13:30,040
the girl you asked out before.
It's gonna be awkward.
236
00:13:35,830 --> 00:13:38,790
Sorry. No. Sorry, sorry.
No. Sorry. Okay, okay.
237
00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:40,710
Mom. Mom, please no, wait.
Mom, just... if I...
238
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:48,850
Extracurricular activities.
239
00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,520
What do you do?
240
00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:53,600
I suck.
241
00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:55,060
What do you suck?
242
00:13:56,650 --> 00:13:58,650
- Dicks.
- Louder!
243
00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:01,190
- I suck dicks! I suck dicks!
- Like you mean it!
244
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:04,070
I suck dicks, I suck dicks,
I suck 'em all the time!
245
00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:05,990
If you were a superhero,
what would your superpower be?
246
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:08,200
My superpower would be
sucking dicks!
247
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,870
Dude. You have so much
poop on you right now.
248
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:16,120
And of course the first kiss...
249
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,590
that should be the most awkward
moment in any boy's life.
250
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,840
Emily and Kara said
we should go all the way.
251
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:31,890
What do you think?
252
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,800
Um, do you have protection?
253
00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:08,880
So, dude.
254
00:15:09,930 --> 00:15:12,300
Don't tell Jeff or any
of those guys, but...
255
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,180
I just wanted to say that...
256
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:19,560
if I did like guys...
257
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:24,570
you'd totally be the kind
of guy that I'd like.
258
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:30,280
This is weird.
259
00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,080
I didn't mean any of that.
260
00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:42,790
Just talking, you know?
261
00:15:43,090 --> 00:15:44,790
Wow.
262
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,800
I don't think I'll ever forget
the first time Kevin told us that...
263
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,220
he wished he'd never been born.
264
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:53,600
- He was only twelve.
- Precocious kid.
265
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,810
You know, studies show
that the average child...
266
00:15:55,810 --> 00:15:58,220
doesn't express that kind of
self-loathing till they're fifteen.
267
00:15:58,230 --> 00:15:59,940
I bet.
268
00:16:01,810 --> 00:16:02,860
Here he comes.
269
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,820
Hey, honey.
Meet the neighbors.
270
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:10,700
Kevin, this is Sean and Clare. They
moved into the house three doors down.
271
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,950
Oh, the Yeagers' old place. Great.
272
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:14,620
Yeah, I'm, um, I'm... I'm Kevin.
273
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:16,700
Uh, pleased to meet you.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
274
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,330
- Nice to meet you, too.
- Thank you. That's so polite. That's...
275
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,250
I'm heading out. A bunch of us are
gonna meet up at The Green.
276
00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,830
Ooh, The Green.
277
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,250
And, uh, yes,
I finished my homework.
278
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:29,090
Oh, and Jen and I are gonna
catch a movie afterwards,
279
00:16:29,090 --> 00:16:30,260
so I won't be home until late.
280
00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:33,260
Oh, that's fine. Just make
sure you say hello from us.
281
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,220
Jen, my mom says hi.
282
00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:39,890
Hello, Jen.
283
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,850
Hello, Mrs. Miller.
I'm the pretty girl.
284
00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:46,270
She is.
285
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:50,650
- You guys have fun tonight.-
All right.
286
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:52,860
Nice meeting you!
287
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:54,990
So. Who wants cake?
288
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,060
Hi.
289
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,560
- There.
- Oh, wow.
290
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,770
Now it's a picnic.
291
00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:20,310
Would you care for
a chocolate-covered strawberry?
292
00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:24,030
Oh my gosh, sweetie.
Talk about romantic.
293
00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,030
This is perfect!
294
00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:29,030
Julie, we've been together
for over a year...
295
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:31,530
Sixteen months and two weeks.
296
00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:38,080
And in that time, I've come to realize
that you mean everything to me.
297
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,080
Oh, Doug. You, too.
298
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,840
And there's something
I want to ask you.
299
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,050
There's something
I'd like to ask you.
300
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,930
Okay, uh, you go first.
301
00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:51,760
- No, you go first.
- No, you first.
302
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:52,930
No, you first.
303
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,060
How about we say it
at the same time?
304
00:17:56,220 --> 00:17:57,310
Okay.
305
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:01,310
- One, two...
- One, two.
306
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,060
Will you poop on me?
307
00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:07,570
- What?
- Will you poop on me?
308
00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:09,570
What? What are you...
309
00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:12,110
Wait, what did-
what did you say?
310
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,330
I... I trust you. I feel like
you're my soul mate.
311
00:18:15,330 --> 00:18:19,120
I want to give you this gift.
I want you to be my first.
312
00:18:19,370 --> 00:18:22,120
To poop...
313
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:23,880
On me. What?
314
00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:27,380
You don't want to?
315
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,010
No, I... I mean...
316
00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:30,510
Are you not attracted
to me anymore?
317
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,220
Of course I'm attracted
to you, honey.
318
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:36,220
So will you? Poop on me?
319
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,480
Ah, man. You just hit
the fucking lottery, man.
320
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:48,530
You don't think it's a little weird
for wanting him to shit on her?
321
00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:52,320
Slow down, man. Have some
respect for this guy, okay?
322
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,280
She did not ask him to shit on her.
323
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,660
Shitting is something
you do on a whore.
324
00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:57,120
- Right.
- Right?
325
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,750
Pooping is a gift you give
to your soul mate.
326
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,750
- 'Course.
- I never looked at it like that.
327
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:05,670
So tell me, man, what's on the menu?
Before you do the big deed.
328
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:08,300
I don't... I don't know.
Does it fucking matter?
329
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,510
- Is she a vegetarian?
- No.
330
00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:15,640
Boom! Big beef burrito, with
extra beans on that bad boy.
331
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,140
Put some salsa,
some guacamole for color.
332
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,680
When it come out of you, it's a
festival. You know what I'm saying?
333
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,640
You went the extra yard
for your lady. You hear me?
334
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,690
No, I'm doing something
classy, okay?
335
00:19:25,690 --> 00:19:29,440
I'm doing seared ahi tuna steaks,
a salad, and red wine.
336
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:31,690
- No. No, no, no! Fuckin' no!
- Nice.
337
00:19:31,690 --> 00:19:36,160
It's not about how fancy it goes in.
It's about how fancy it comes out.
338
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:40,160
Well... And believe me, Mexican
food makes a fuckin' mess.
339
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,580
And don't mess with fuckin' salads.
340
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,790
You know what salad does?
It locks down your bowels.
341
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:46,540
You don't want your bowels
all locked down, do you? No.
342
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,290
Drinks are cool.
Have a few fuckin' drinks.
343
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,800
- Makes you last longer.
- Last longer?
344
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,670
You don't want to be Mr. Two Squeeze,
Thank-You Please, right?
345
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,380
- You really don't want to be that.
- Billy, goddamn, Billy.
346
00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:58,720
Why don't you go over there while
grown people are talking over here.
347
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,600
Go over there and play with your
GI Joes or some shit, man.
348
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,220
Yeah, I'll go over there.
349
00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:04,810
Look it. Take my advice
on this one.
350
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:08,730
You go out tonight and you
shit on a few skanks. Okay?
351
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,440
Get it all out your system.
352
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:15,360
Fuckin' tomorrow, you are
a one-poop man.
353
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,110
Understand?
354
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,580
What the fuck is this?
355
00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:24,580
Viagra, brother.
Poop Viagra. Yeah.
356
00:20:25,210 --> 00:20:27,710
- Just carry that on you?
- Yeah, I carry that shit around on me.
357
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:29,460
- At barbecues?
- You goddamn right.
358
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,460
I got a meat problem.
359
00:20:30,460 --> 00:20:32,210
All your fuckin' meat,
I gotta clean that shit out.
360
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:33,490
- Okay, yeah.
- Okay? Fine, then.
361
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,400
- I'm ready, sweetie.
- Oh, fuck.
362
00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:52,730
One second.
363
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,520
I love her. Hey, I love her.
364
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:35,780
- Oh, oh! You look nice.
- Thank you.
365
00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:38,650
Okay. Let's go...
366
00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:41,530
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey.
What are you doing?
367
00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:44,660
What am I doing? I'm...
You know what I'm doing.
368
00:21:44,660 --> 00:21:46,080
I'm trying to, you know.
369
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:51,080
Not yet, tiger. I wanna savor this.
370
00:21:51,290 --> 00:21:53,340
Oh, okay. Well,
I kinda... I kinda got to, uh...
371
00:21:53,670 --> 00:21:57,050
No, no, no, no. Come here.
Come here and kiss me,
372
00:21:57,340 --> 00:22:01,220
and then you can give me
your special present.
373
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,680
- Tell me how much you love me.
- Oh, I love you so much.
374
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,060
- How much?
- I love you so much I'd kill a man.
375
00:22:09,060 --> 00:22:10,100
Can we do this, please?
376
00:22:12,690 --> 00:22:16,110
- I bought this special lavender lotion.
- Okay.
377
00:22:16,230 --> 00:22:19,360
- Why don't you get my neck ready.
- You want it on your neck?
378
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,360
Why? Does that not work for you?
379
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,450
It's fine, it's fine. Here we go.
380
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,250
That's nice.
381
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:33,710
Okay, okay. There we go.
Let's get it and...
382
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:39,720
- No. No. Not yet.
- What?
383
00:22:40,090 --> 00:22:42,590
- No. Come here.
- What?
384
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,140
- You're so excited.
- I know. I can't stand it.
385
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,350
Gosh. Remember the day
that we met?
386
00:22:52,350 --> 00:22:53,600
Yes.
387
00:22:53,730 --> 00:22:58,530
Did you ever think that someday
you'd be able to...
388
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:02,280
- you know?
- Honestly, no. No, I didn't.
389
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,360
Do you remember what
I was wearing that day?
390
00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:07,490
Baby, what was I wearing?
391
00:23:07,490 --> 00:23:09,490
- Do you remember what I was wearing?
- A yellow sun dress!
392
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,540
Come on! Roll over and let me
shit on you, please!
393
00:23:12,750 --> 00:23:14,040
Excuse me?
394
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,380
I'm sorry. Poop on you.
I meant poop on you.
395
00:23:16,380 --> 00:23:18,170
Honey, I would never shit on you.
396
00:23:18,170 --> 00:23:19,760
I would never shit on you. Honey?
397
00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:22,590
Come here. I love you! Fuck!
398
00:23:23,590 --> 00:23:25,180
Oh, I can't.
399
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,560
Julie! Come back!
400
00:23:29,310 --> 00:23:32,640
Oh, baby, please! I love you!
I want you to marry you!
401
00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:36,770
Oh, my God! Doug, no!
402
00:23:40,030 --> 00:23:41,570
Oh, jeez!
403
00:23:44,030 --> 00:23:46,200
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
404
00:23:47,070 --> 00:23:50,450
- Doug! Doug! Call a fucking ambulance!
- I'm on it!
405
00:23:50,450 --> 00:23:54,460
Hold on. Hold on, baby, okay?
Hold on. You're gonna make it.
406
00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:57,080
Oh, Julie, I love you.
407
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,550
I love you.
408
00:24:00,460 --> 00:24:03,300
All of this was for me?
409
00:24:04,420 --> 00:24:06,220
Yeah, I guess so.
410
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:12,060
Oh, yeah? It's so beautiful. It's the
most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
411
00:24:12,060 --> 00:24:13,060
Game's over.
412
00:24:14,060 --> 00:24:16,060
Where did I lose ya Griffin?
413
00:24:16,060 --> 00:24:17,750
Everywhere...you lost me everywhere.
414
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,500
it's obscene...
415
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:20,250
It's offensive...
416
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,000
Wow! I mean tell me how you really feel.
417
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,800
I mean, I know that my film...
...it pushes the envelope
418
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,500
and that this is a long-shot and everything
419
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:29,850
but I really do love
420
00:24:29,850 --> 00:24:31,850
the way you guys market movies
421
00:24:31,850 --> 00:24:33,500
so I thought I'd take a crack at ya.
422
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,750
A crack at you specifically, Griffin.
423
00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:37,500
before I go to the other studios.
424
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,500
But...uh...anyway...
425
00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:41,500
It didn't work out, but uh...
426
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,750
Thank you for hearing me out my friend.
427
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:46,750
Maybe I'll be seeing you
someday over at Chase and
428
00:24:46,750 --> 00:24:49,000
I'll make sure Gigi gets to the corner booth.
429
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,750
Okay?
- Chase has been closed for 20 years.
430
00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:52,750
I...I know that. I know that.
431
00:24:52,750 --> 00:24:54,400
I was talking about the new one,
432
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,750
that they're building over off La Cienega.
433
00:24:56,750 --> 00:24:58,750
Buy this.
- Huh?
434
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:01,630
This may surprise you...
435
00:25:01,630 --> 00:25:03,630
but I haven't worked in years.
436
00:25:03,630 --> 00:25:08,400
I don't have another meeting at another studio and
I never bought cheeses was Isabella Rosalini.
437
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,400
Uhhh...
438
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,400
Can I go now Mister?
439
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,000
Yeah, scoot. Go back to your
street corner and play your harpy thing.
440
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:19,100
You said you'd pay me $40
441
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:21,250
-I'll mail it to you.
- You don't even have my address.
442
00:25:21,250 --> 00:25:23,250
Just leave it with Anita...out there.
443
00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:25,250
How in the hell did you get
in my office in the first place?
444
00:25:25,250 --> 00:25:27,250
We met...
445
00:25:27,250 --> 00:25:29,250
at that premier remember?
446
00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:31,000
and you said drop by anytime.
447
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,420
That's bullshit.
I've never met you in my life.
448
00:25:32,420 --> 00:25:35,000
How did you get on the lot?!
- I sucked off a security guard.
449
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000
Wha...what do you mean?
450
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000
I'm not being cryptic here.
451
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,000
Griffin, I blew the security guard.
452
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,500
Jerry's gay?
453
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:50,000
Well, not really.
He fought me every step of the way.
454
00:25:50,010 --> 00:25:51,500
I'm calling the police.
455
00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:53,500
Hey...hey, hey.
456
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:57,500
Call the police and
I'll shoot you in a heartbeat and kill you.
457
00:25:59,510 --> 00:26:01,500
Now, do you wanna hear the rest of my pitch?
458
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Yes.
- Cool.
459
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,000
Well then...
460
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,000
sit down.
461
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Relax.
462
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,000
Get comfy.
463
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,000
Now this one...
464
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:18,500
...is for the whole family.
465
00:26:18,820 --> 00:26:21,030
Attention P-Town shoppers:
466
00:26:21,410 --> 00:26:24,580
Be sure to check out our
insert in Sassy Lass magazine...
467
00:26:24,790 --> 00:26:28,790
for killer deals on the
Dr. Cole family of products.
468
00:26:29,460 --> 00:26:34,460
We're now offering a buy one
get one "Senior Prom" special...
469
00:26:34,460 --> 00:26:37,340
on lambskin condoms
and boxed wine.
470
00:26:37,590 --> 00:26:40,340
And don't forget our
"Deadbeat Dad" discount. ..
471
00:26:40,350 --> 00:26:43,600
On all disposable cameras
and whiffle ball bats.
472
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,480
Got a dry, itchy vag?
473
00:26:45,810 --> 00:26:49,600
Today, we are offering a two-for-one
deal on Beave Lotion.
474
00:26:50,310 --> 00:26:53,480
That's lotion for your beave
by Moisture Maid, ladies...
475
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:58,360
now on sale on aisle four.
Be sure to check out...
476
00:27:04,330 --> 00:27:05,370
Neil.
477
00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:07,330
Veronica.
478
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:08,500
Neil.
479
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,370
You look pale.
480
00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:11,830
You look pregnant.
481
00:27:11,830 --> 00:27:14,340
You look like you slept
in a soup kitchen urinal.
482
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:16,960
You look like you bathed in
a Dumpster behind the abortion clinic.
483
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:19,340
You look like the kid who
got cancer for Christmas.
484
00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:21,340
You look like the slutty one
on The Golden Girls.
485
00:27:21,340 --> 00:27:23,010
- Dorothy?
- Blanche.
486
00:27:23,010 --> 00:27:25,470
You take that back!
You son of a bitch!
487
00:27:25,470 --> 00:27:27,390
You take it back!
Take that back!
488
00:27:31,270 --> 00:27:32,770
I want to taste you.
489
00:27:33,270 --> 00:27:36,400
I want to lick you till you weep.
490
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:46,040
- How's your acid reflux?
- How's your HPV?
491
00:27:46,370 --> 00:27:48,540
It's your HPV, Veronica.
I'm just carrying it.
492
00:27:48,540 --> 00:27:51,370
Let's not have another
“chicken or the egg” debate, Neil.
493
00:27:51,370 --> 00:27:53,500
No. Let's.
494
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:58,380
- Chicken.
- Egg.
495
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,510
Your flesh...
496
00:28:02,430 --> 00:28:04,640
slick with cocoa butter...
497
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,060
it haunts me.
498
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,520
- How's Veronica?
- Veronica's fine, Veronica.
499
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,440
I can't believe you named
your dog Veronica.
500
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,820
Can't believe you sucked off that
hobo from Magic Bean.
501
00:28:20,820 --> 00:28:22,530
He was a wizard, Neil.
502
00:28:24,910 --> 00:28:26,830
Shh. I wanna be on you.
503
00:28:27,450 --> 00:28:28,790
In you.
504
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,540
I wanna be...
505
00:28:35,540 --> 00:28:37,710
all...
506
00:28:42,470 --> 00:28:45,470
over your chin.
507
00:28:50,060 --> 00:28:52,480
Do you still like créme brûlée?
508
00:28:52,690 --> 00:28:55,600
Do you still like fingers
in your butthole?
509
00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:57,440
You know the answer is yes.
510
00:28:58,360 --> 00:28:59,440
Oh, Neil.
511
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:00,990
Veronica.
512
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,610
- Neil.
- Veronica.
513
00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:05,570
I wanna get over you.
514
00:29:05,570 --> 00:29:07,830
I wanna give you a hickey
on your vagina.
515
00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:21,880
You already have, Neil.
516
00:29:23,590 --> 00:29:25,470
You already have.
517
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,350
I'll see you in church.
518
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:34,890
Not if I see you f...
519
00:29:50,620 --> 00:29:51,660
May I?
520
00:29:55,790 --> 00:30:00,670
I'm no Romeo, folks,
but I know what love is.
521
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:06,010
It's an over-the-chinos rub and tug
during your first AA meeting.
522
00:30:06,010 --> 00:30:07,510
Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
523
00:30:07,510 --> 00:30:09,640
And if I was in your shoes,
524
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:14,810
I would climb Dick Mountain
mouth first just to get her back!
525
00:30:14,810 --> 00:30:15,940
Yes: Sir!
526
00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:18,940
Are we gonna let
that foxy little thing...
527
00:30:18,940 --> 00:30:22,070
run willy-nilly out
of this boy's life?
528
00:30:22,070 --> 00:30:23,650
No! No!
529
00:30:23,650 --> 00:30:25,570
Are we gonna help this youngster...
530
00:30:25,570 --> 00:30:28,410
take that sweet ass
to pound town?
531
00:30:29,530 --> 00:30:31,950
- When's your shift up?
- Five a.m.
532
00:30:31,950 --> 00:30:34,910
- I'll take it till three.
- I got three to five!
533
00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:36,710
Thank you.
534
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,830
Don't be a bitch about it.
535
00:30:40,670 --> 00:30:41,960
Go get her, son!
536
00:31:13,330 --> 00:31:15,830
It's not as exciting
as you might think. It's... It's...
537
00:31:16,630 --> 00:31:19,710
For me, I like to say it's more about,
just like, helping people, you know.
538
00:31:19,710 --> 00:31:23,010
- It's not about punishing criminals...
- Right, yeah, I totally understand.
539
00:31:23,010 --> 00:31:24,880
- It's just, it makes you feel good...
- Robin!
540
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,590
- Oh, no.
- Robin!
541
00:31:28,510 --> 00:31:29,720
Hey, Robin. Where you been?
Hi, how you doing.
542
00:31:29,850 --> 00:31:31,770
You missed your meeting
with your parole officer.
543
00:31:32,350 --> 00:31:34,770
- What? Parole officer?
- No. He's kidding.
544
00:31:34,770 --> 00:31:37,400
Yeah, yeah, this guy got in some
trouble a while back for...
545
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,770
whipping out his little
Dick Grayson on a playground.
546
00:31:39,770 --> 00:31:40,940
No, I didn't.
547
00:31:40,940 --> 00:31:42,440
But, it's all good. I mean,
your wife forgave you, right?
548
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,190
- What?
- You're married?
549
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,450
- Married pervert. Yeah.
- No, I'm not!
550
00:31:47,450 --> 00:31:49,490
Stacey, I'm... I'm not married!
He's kidding!
551
00:31:49,490 --> 00:31:51,450
Oh, man. Dodged that bullet.
552
00:31:51,450 --> 00:31:53,620
The hell are you doing here, Batman!
You're gonna ruin this!
553
00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,450
Calm down!
Hey, look, I read on Twitter...
554
00:31:55,450 --> 00:31:58,290
that a super-villain's gonna bomb
this loser meet and greet.
555
00:31:58,290 --> 00:32:01,420
So I'm here to save the day,
like I do, all the time.
556
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:02,540
I mean, you know, it's my thing.
557
00:32:02,550 --> 00:32:04,420
- I'm the Batman!
- Yeah, baloney!
558
00:32:04,420 --> 00:32:07,260
You're here to ruin my chances with
women like you do all the time.
559
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:09,720
No way, brother! No way!
No, I'm-I'm in support of this.
560
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,430
Get one more speed date, okay,
then we gotta find that bomb.
561
00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:14,270
Ah, this sucks.
562
00:32:15,470 --> 00:32:18,270
Uh, little tip. Uh, less boy,
more wonder, right?
563
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:19,310
Ah, that's very clever.
564
00:32:19,310 --> 00:32:21,480
- Dazzle them!
- Yeah, okay. Thanks.
565
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:22,480
Hi.
566
00:32:22,730 --> 00:32:25,440
- Oh, hi.
- Lois. Lois Lane.
567
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,490
No, I... l know. I've... I've...
568
00:32:28,030 --> 00:32:30,700
it's... it's me, Robin.
We... We've met several times.
569
00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:34,240
- Robin what?
- Ro... Robin. That's it.
570
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,450
I helped save you from Lex Luthor.
571
00:32:36,450 --> 00:32:37,500
Sorry.
572
00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:39,540
You were like, "I'll never forget
this as long as I live."
573
00:32:39,540 --> 00:32:40,790
Sorry again.
574
00:32:41,210 --> 00:32:43,500
- I thought you were dating Superman.
- No, no.
575
00:32:43,500 --> 00:32:46,420
- We broke up about six months ago.
- I didn't-l didn't know that.
576
00:32:46,420 --> 00:32:48,510
- He's been stalking me ever since.
- Really?
577
00:32:49,430 --> 00:32:51,680
Last night, I look out
my bedroom window,
578
00:32:52,050 --> 00:32:54,140
and there he is just floating there,
579
00:32:54,140 --> 00:32:57,560
just stroking that nasty little
curl, and masturbating!
580
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,350
Blew his wad all over my window!
581
00:33:00,350 --> 00:33:03,230
- He broke the window!
- The, the... From the...
582
00:33:03,230 --> 00:33:06,230
Uh, his jizz is like a shotgun blast!
583
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,780
You know that shiny stuff
in his hair? It's not hair gel.
584
00:33:11,070 --> 00:33:13,120
- Lois! Oh, my God!
- Oh, no!
585
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,200
- Nice to see you!
- Nice to be seen! Oh, my goodness!
586
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,200
No, no, no. Yeah, we're in the...
587
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,250
- Do you know each other?
- Yeah, we work together.
588
00:33:19,250 --> 00:33:20,500
- You do?
- Hey, how's Superman?
589
00:33:21,540 --> 00:33:23,380
I'm gonna give him a call right now,
actually. I need...
590
00:33:23,380 --> 00:33:25,380
- No, no! Don't do that!
- Oh, no, I'm gonna do it.
591
00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:27,050
- Batman, don't. Please. Please.
- It's already ringing.
592
00:33:27,050 --> 00:33:29,800
Hey, Soups! What's up, brother!
It's the Dark Knight.
593
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,340
Hey, man, I was just thinking
about you here...
594
00:33:31,340 --> 00:33:33,130
'cause I'm sitting with Lois...
595
00:33:33,140 --> 00:33:35,390
and she's on a date
with my boy, Robin.
596
00:33:35,390 --> 00:33:37,470
- No!
- Oh, he hung up. I lost him.
597
00:33:37,470 --> 00:33:40,310
Stay away from Lois
or I'll use my heat vision...
598
00:33:40,310 --> 00:33:44,110
to fuse your balls into
one big ridiculous uniball.
599
00:33:44,150 --> 00:33:45,360
Superman, you don't understand.
600
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,650
I'm not here to hit on your
girlfriend. That's crazy!
601
00:33:47,730 --> 00:33:50,240
Batman and I are undercover
and we're looking for a bomb.
602
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,570
Bomb? I don't give two
super-shits about a bomb.
603
00:33:53,570 --> 00:33:57,790
As long as I'm balls-deep
in Lois, I'm solid gold.
604
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,290
Stay away from Lois, bitch!
605
00:34:01,750 --> 00:34:03,330
Goddammit!
That's his thing!
606
00:34:04,290 --> 00:34:05,630
No, so I told him, you know,
607
00:34:05,630 --> 00:34:07,290
"I mean, we're gonna
be fighting crime, buddy, so..."
608
00:34:07,290 --> 00:34:08,340
Oh, there he is.
609
00:34:08,340 --> 00:34:09,550
"Uh, you know, you should
put on some pants."
610
00:34:09,550 --> 00:34:11,340
But he liked the costume
the way it is, so,
611
00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:12,820
you know, what are
you gonna do. Kids.
612
00:34:13,050 --> 00:34:15,090
- Well... Thursday?
- Thursday it is!
613
00:34:15,090 --> 00:34:16,550
- See you then.
- All right, now.
614
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,810
And, uh... nice legs.
615
00:34:20,850 --> 00:34:22,850
You make me wear this.
He makes me wear this outfit!
616
00:34:22,850 --> 00:34:24,810
So unfair! I hate it!
617
00:34:26,860 --> 00:34:28,690
She's a hoot! All right,
that was your date. Let's go.
618
00:34:28,690 --> 00:34:31,820
- Bullcrap! That doesn't count!
- What do you mean that doesn't count?
619
00:34:31,820 --> 00:34:33,070
That was a girl, this was a date.
620
00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:34,870
Now, let's boogie.
We gotta go find that bomb.
621
00:34:35,570 --> 00:34:37,620
Please, just let me do one more.
That doesn't count. Please.
622
00:34:37,620 --> 00:34:39,870
Oh, my God, you're such a baby.
Go! Sit down. Fine.
623
00:34:39,870 --> 00:34:40,950
- Yes!
- Fine. Go ahead.
624
00:34:40,950 --> 00:34:42,660
Have fun. But you're not
gonna do it on your own.
625
00:34:42,660 --> 00:34:43,870
- Pop that in your ear.
- What's that?
626
00:34:43,870 --> 00:34:45,960
What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna
get underneath the table,
627
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,880
hide down there and feed you lines
to help bag this next gal.
628
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,500
Oh, right,
like Cyrano de Bergerac.
629
00:34:51,510 --> 00:34:53,420
I don't know what that is.
It's more like Roxanne.
630
00:34:53,420 --> 00:34:55,720
Okay, but look, I... I'd really
rather do this on my own.
631
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,800
Okay, and I hear you, and I appreciate
what you're saying,
632
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,060
- but I, you know, I'm gonna do it.
- Please don't.
633
00:35:00,810 --> 00:35:03,390
- I'm gonna do it.
- Batman, don't. Please, please, don't...
634
00:35:03,390 --> 00:35:06,600
Hi. Sorry, sorry I'm late.
There's a line in the bathroom.
635
00:35:06,650 --> 00:35:07,730
Hi. I'm Supergirl.
636
00:35:07,730 --> 00:35:09,690
- My name...
- I'm Robin.
637
00:35:10,610 --> 00:35:11,610
Hi, I'm Robin.
638
00:35:13,570 --> 00:35:14,690
Um, so where you from?
639
00:35:14,700 --> 00:35:17,240
- So, where you from?
- I... Um, Krypton.
640
00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:21,080
Krypton, eh. Where...
That's, that's, uh...
641
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:22,580
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit!
642
00:35:22,580 --> 00:35:24,660
- Dude, I can see her snatch.
- Dude, I can sn...
643
00:35:24,660 --> 00:35:27,210
Oh, my God! I can't believe
the size of this thing.
644
00:35:27,210 --> 00:35:31,670
It's like a giant fucking cornfield.
It's enormous down here.
645
00:35:31,670 --> 00:35:35,260
It's crazy. Look at that.
I... I... I feel like at any moment,
646
00:35:35,260 --> 00:35:38,590
Shoeless Joe Jackson could walk out
of it and I could play catch with him.
647
00:35:38,590 --> 00:35:42,680
Krypton. I... I hear it's really nice.
I... I have never been...
648
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,520
You didn't hear that the Sun supernova
and destroyed our entire race?
649
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,020
I wanna wash dishes with it.
650
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:49,440
Did it? I did not...
651
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,150
It's a huge, bushy
catastrophe down here.
652
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,610
Feel like Sean Penn should do
a benefit for this thing. It's...
653
00:35:54,610 --> 00:35:57,490
What? Oh, no.
You can hear him, can't you?
654
00:35:57,490 --> 00:35:58,610
Yeah, I can hear him.
655
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:02,540
I can also see Batman
underneath the table.
656
00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:04,450
Cause of the x-ray vision.
Of course.
657
00:36:04,450 --> 00:36:08,420
No, I can just see him. It's a cafe
table. I mean, it's really obvious.
658
00:36:09,630 --> 00:36:10,710
- Hi.
- Hi.
659
00:36:11,710 --> 00:36:14,710
Ah, dude. I'm so sorry about
your family dying and...
660
00:36:16,050 --> 00:36:18,470
Oh, man! That took me back
to the seventies, huh?
661
00:36:19,470 --> 00:36:22,470
Hold on. There's our culprit.
It's the Penguin.
662
00:36:22,470 --> 00:36:24,430
Excuse me. I'm gonna go
do some Batman-ing.
663
00:36:24,430 --> 00:36:25,930
Do you need any... Can I help?
664
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,770
Oh, it's hard to pick up with gloves.
There you go.
665
00:36:31,980 --> 00:36:34,480
Excuse me, sweetie. How you doing.
You mind fucking off for a little bit?
666
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,190
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Thanks.
667
00:36:36,190 --> 00:36:37,490
- See you later, citizen.
- How dare you!
668
00:36:37,490 --> 00:36:40,490
You son of a bitch! Where's
the bomb, you fat fucker?
669
00:36:40,990 --> 00:36:43,200
- Hey! Asshole!
- Oh, shit.
670
00:36:43,410 --> 00:36:45,330
What do you think you are?
Some big man?
671
00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:47,250
Picking on a little fat guy?
672
00:36:47,250 --> 00:36:49,420
Take it easy! That's the Penguin.
That's what I do.
673
00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:51,500
Why didn't you call me?
674
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:52,750
I... No... I...
675
00:36:52,750 --> 00:36:54,500
You said that you
were gonna call me.
676
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,340
Wait a minute. Did I not? I know I
dialed a number... Did I not hit "send"?
677
00:36:59,130 --> 00:37:02,760
You said that you were gonna stick
by me no matter what happened.
678
00:37:03,260 --> 00:37:07,850
And then your little Bat-condom
breaks, and then you just disappear!
679
00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:12,230
Do you know what it's like going
to Planned Parenthood by yourself,
680
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,270
when you're Wonder Woman?
681
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,270
Okay. Not very romantic talk.
682
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,990
Roe v. Wade here
at a speed dating situation.
683
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:22,110
Uh, look, I was fighting crime!
Ask Robin. Robin, vouch for me.
684
00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:24,370
- He cries after sex. Do you know that?
- Why would I know that?
685
00:37:24,370 --> 00:37:27,330
Like a baby.
After sex, what do you say?
686
00:37:27,330 --> 00:37:30,370
"Oh, my soul's so dark."
Because you saw some bats...
687
00:37:30,370 --> 00:37:32,330
when you were little?
You pussy!
688
00:37:32,330 --> 00:37:35,250
Attention, Gotham City speed daters:
689
00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:37,960
How the fuck did he
get over there?
690
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,050
It was all a clever ruse.
I'm not speed dating.
691
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,050
Some of you should remember
I'm happily married.
692
00:37:43,470 --> 00:37:45,510
- That's right!
- You were all there at the wedding.
693
00:37:45,510 --> 00:37:47,760
- Okay, bomb strapped to my chest.
- Oh, yes. In any case,
694
00:37:47,770 --> 00:37:50,020
you all have to give me some
unimaginable sum of money...
695
00:37:50,020 --> 00:37:52,350
or else I'm going to blow up
Supergirl with this bomb.
696
00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:56,060
Dat dat dat dat! The detonator
is in this umbrella.
697
00:37:56,070 --> 00:37:57,400
- Cool it.
- No, you cool it.
698
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,400
My non-monocled eye!
Where are you?
699
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:01,530
Disarm!
700
00:38:02,820 --> 00:38:04,030
Yes!
701
00:38:06,410 --> 00:38:08,160
- Are you okay?
- I think so.
702
00:38:08,580 --> 00:38:10,790
You saved my life!
703
00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,830
Just-Just doing my job.
704
00:38:13,790 --> 00:38:15,210
Kiss. Kiss her.
705
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:18,800
Open her mouth
and touch tongues.
706
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,800
Put your tongue inside her mouth...
707
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,390
and that'll coax her tongue
to go into your mouth!
708
00:38:30,220 --> 00:38:32,810
Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies.
709
00:38:32,890 --> 00:38:34,440
Yeah, and touch her butt.
710
00:38:35,810 --> 00:38:37,820
- Doesn't that look nice?
- It looks so nice.
711
00:38:38,020 --> 00:38:40,820
Oh, yeah. Hold on!
Not so fast!
712
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,820
Oh, God!
713
00:38:45,820 --> 00:38:47,240
- Riddler!
- Riddler!
714
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,200
That is right! The Riddler!
715
00:38:50,540 --> 00:38:54,410
In a diabolical scheme to get Robin and
me to this speed date to stop a bomb,
716
00:38:54,420 --> 00:38:59,420
only to lure Robin away
to some seedy warehouse...
717
00:38:59,420 --> 00:39:03,210
where you're gonna hang him above
a vat filled with thumbtacks...
718
00:39:03,220 --> 00:39:05,430
or lizards or some fucking bullshit!
719
00:39:06,220 --> 00:39:07,470
Well it didn't work, muchacho!
720
00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:09,100
That was amazing.
How did you do that?
721
00:39:09,100 --> 00:39:11,140
I mean, how'd you know
that she was a fake?
722
00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:12,930
Bush that size is only good
for one thing,
723
00:39:12,930 --> 00:39:15,480
and that one thing is hidin' the wang!
You know what I'm saying?
724
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,560
Wait. Let me get this straight.
So you knew all the way back then?
725
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,480
- You knew that she was a dude?
- Whole time.
726
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,320
Wh... Why'd you make me kiss her?
727
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,280
Him. This.
728
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:24,360
I don't know.
729
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,450
I guess I woke up this morning with
a little case of the fuck-arounds.
730
00:39:27,870 --> 00:39:29,870
You know I'm just having fun.
My buddy! Woo!
731
00:39:49,510 --> 00:39:50,970
Remember this?
732
00:39:52,310 --> 00:39:53,470
Ugly isn't it?
733
00:39:59,900 --> 00:40:01,480
But think how they feel.
734
00:40:02,730 --> 00:40:05,740
Working without thanks
to make your life better.
735
00:40:17,500 --> 00:40:21,130
Lonely, unloved, hurt.
736
00:40:27,510 --> 00:40:30,930
Physical, verbal, emotional abuse...
737
00:40:31,510 --> 00:40:33,760
to get what we want done.
738
00:40:37,270 --> 00:40:39,480
Can't you see
they're doing their best?
739
00:40:46,990 --> 00:40:49,490
They're not trying to take
over your world.
740
00:40:49,490 --> 00:40:52,740
They're just trying to find
a little place in your hearts.
741
00:40:53,490 --> 00:40:57,790
Remember, machines,
they're full of kids.
742
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,000
So, what do you think about
putting commercials within the movie?
743
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,000
Cutting edge, right?
- It's great.
744
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,000
Loved it. It's really...
745
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,750
inspiring a great celebration of life.
746
00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:16,250
Yeah but you don't just say that
because I have a gun pointed at your head?
747
00:41:16,250 --> 00:41:18,250
No. no, no, I'm in work mode now.
748
00:41:18,250 --> 00:41:20,250
I really liked it.
749
00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:22,750
Well, cut me a check.
750
00:41:22,750 --> 00:41:24,750
A company check.
751
00:41:24,750 --> 00:41:26,750
Show me you're real.
- No. I can't do that.
752
00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:31,000
I don't have authority to do that for a sale this big,
and I have to run it up the flagpole to the studio chairman.
753
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,000
...just take a day or two.
754
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000
No. I have a better idea.
755
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,000
Let's go see him right now.
756
00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:40,500
Now!
- Great
757
00:41:40,500 --> 00:41:42,500
We can fasttrack it.
758
00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:45,500
Hey Griffin.
- Hey David.
759
00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:46,750
By the way...
760
00:41:46,750 --> 00:41:48,750
You give the slightest
signal to anyone and I will
761
00:41:48,750 --> 00:41:51,250
pull the pin on this baby
and blow us all to fucking...
762
00:41:51,250 --> 00:41:52,750
Is that a grenade?
- Shhhh...
763
00:41:52,750 --> 00:41:54,750
You brought a gun,
and a hand-grenade?
764
00:41:54,750 --> 00:41:56,750
Well, I really wanna sell this thing.
765
00:41:57,250 --> 00:41:59,250
Listen, Man...
766
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:01,250
Look...I know
767
00:42:01,250 --> 00:42:03,450
that I was a little pushy back there.
768
00:42:03,450 --> 00:42:08,350
But, I really do appreciate
your passion, and your support.
769
00:42:08,850 --> 00:42:10,850
Just tell me what
you want me to say in there.
770
00:42:10,850 --> 00:42:12,850
I don't know.
771
00:42:12,850 --> 00:42:14,500
I don't wanna put words in your mouth.
772
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:17,000
Just lead with what
you honestly liked best.
773
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,000
It's your call.
774
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,250
Oh, Ohh...wait a minute.
775
00:42:19,250 --> 00:42:21,250
I almost forgot.
I've got a few others.
776
00:42:21,250 --> 00:42:23,250
Um...
777
00:42:23,250 --> 00:42:24,300
oh...
778
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:26,300
You're gonna love this.
779
00:42:26,300 --> 00:42:27,000
Okay.
780
00:42:36,870 --> 00:42:40,880
Tyler De Soto. Fifteen.
Port St. Lucie, Florida.
781
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:42,840
He only lost a finger.
782
00:42:49,050 --> 00:42:50,260
It's horrific.
783
00:42:51,260 --> 00:42:53,850
I'm still not seeing what
the problem is, though.
784
00:42:53,850 --> 00:42:54,890
Brian?
785
00:42:55,020 --> 00:42:59,060
The iBabe has an advanced
3.2 gigahertz processor.
786
00:42:59,100 --> 00:43:02,440
We left an opening for a vent and
then we placed a highly-efficient,
787
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:07,200
super powerful micro-fan
in the opening.
788
00:43:07,900 --> 00:43:11,030
- And?
- The vent is in her,
789
00:43:11,030 --> 00:43:12,070
Lower quadrant.
790
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,830
Vagi-port.
791
00:43:13,830 --> 00:43:15,450
- Vagina.
- Vagi-port.
792
00:43:15,450 --> 00:43:16,910
The vent is in the vagina.
793
00:43:16,910 --> 00:43:19,370
A certain percentage
of our younger demographic...
794
00:43:19,370 --> 00:43:22,920
are sticking their
you-know-what in the vent.
795
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:24,920
No, I don't know what.
796
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,340
Kids are sticking
their penises in the vent.
797
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,510
The fan then mangles
their penises.
798
00:43:30,890 --> 00:43:31,890
Disgusting!
799
00:43:31,890 --> 00:43:34,300
Sir, the iBabe is a...
800
00:43:34,310 --> 00:43:36,890
High fidelity music player.
801
00:43:36,890 --> 00:43:40,310
Yes, it also looks and feels
exactly like a naked woman.
802
00:43:41,150 --> 00:43:45,360
Teenage boys are physically
attracted to naked women.
803
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,900
Our research doesn't
support that, sir.
804
00:43:47,940 --> 00:43:51,490
Look, at the very least, we need to
put a warning sticker on the box.
805
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:56,330
Other MP3 players don't have a
warning not to have sex with it. Right?
806
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,750
A bag of potato chips
doesn't have a warning,
807
00:43:59,910 --> 00:44:02,380
“Please don't fuck
these potato chips.”
808
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:04,460
Am I crazy here?
809
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,130
None of us could have
seen this one coming.
810
00:44:07,170 --> 00:44:08,170
I did.
811
00:44:08,170 --> 00:44:10,340
Take it easy, Erin Brockovich.
812
00:44:12,890 --> 00:44:15,180
R and D team. You did
extensive testing here.
813
00:44:15,180 --> 00:44:18,970
Did you anticipate anybody breaching
the cooling system? Any red flags?
814
00:44:18,980 --> 00:44:20,140
Dave?
815
00:44:22,940 --> 00:44:27,530
Also, we've broken down
our problem into three steps.
816
00:44:27,730 --> 00:44:30,740
Step 1: Kid buys iBabe.
817
00:44:32,110 --> 00:44:35,120
Step 2: Kid fucks iBabe.
818
00:44:35,950 --> 00:44:40,710
Step 3: Kid mangles dick
and sues iBabe.
819
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:47,380
Our goal is to eliminate
step two and step three.
820
00:44:51,130 --> 00:44:53,550
Now I know what the problem is.
821
00:44:55,140 --> 00:44:58,720
Why don't we just move the fan?
Why don't we just put it in her ear?
822
00:44:58,770 --> 00:45:00,560
No. No, no, no, no, no, sir.
823
00:45:01,180 --> 00:45:04,190
Uh, my team spent two years
doing the impossible,
824
00:45:04,190 --> 00:45:07,980
and you're pretty much just telling us
to go back and start from scratch.
825
00:45:07,980 --> 00:45:10,150
You know, to go fuck ourselves!
826
00:45:10,150 --> 00:45:13,990
Okay, look. The iBabe weighs over
a hundred pounds, okay?
827
00:45:13,990 --> 00:45:16,950
It's basically illegal
to take it out in public.
828
00:45:16,950 --> 00:45:20,080
Women's organizations are calling
for the boycott of our entire company.
829
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:24,750
Our stock is plummeting and kids'
dicks are getting horribly mangled!
830
00:45:26,790 --> 00:45:28,170
Uh, come in, come in, come in.
831
00:45:28,210 --> 00:45:33,010
Sir, may I introduce you
to the iBabe Special Edition.
832
00:45:33,010 --> 00:45:34,220
Oh, my God.
833
00:45:37,260 --> 00:45:40,180
Faster processing,
double storage capacity,
834
00:45:40,180 --> 00:45:42,230
and how about that elegant finish.
835
00:45:44,060 --> 00:45:46,060
Just gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous!
836
00:45:46,230 --> 00:45:47,940
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
837
00:45:47,940 --> 00:45:51,820
Finally we can give our customers
a choice of color.
838
00:45:53,030 --> 00:45:56,200
Oh, my God. Just when I thought
it couldn't get more offensive.
839
00:45:58,030 --> 00:45:59,780
Oh, for Christ's sake.
840
00:46:01,540 --> 00:46:02,750
Yeah. Now I understand.
841
00:46:20,290 --> 00:46:23,290
I'm, uh, RSVP-ing
to Sammy's Bar Mitzvah.
842
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,290
Yeah, me too.
843
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,300
The party, not the service.
844
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,880
My mom always makes me
go to both. Sucks.
845
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:34,890
Yeah.
846
00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:55,070
Yeah!
847
00:46:55,660 --> 00:46:58,740
Nathan on a date for once!
848
00:46:58,910 --> 00:47:01,080
Jesus, Mikey, shut up!
849
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:04,670
What? Mom told me to watch
you guys. I'm just doing my job.
850
00:47:05,670 --> 00:47:07,080
I mean it, Mikey. Leave!
851
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,210
I'm watching you.
852
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,930
Sorry, my brother's an idiot.
853
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,010
Whatever.
854
00:47:21,270 --> 00:47:24,940
- You have a bathroom?
- Totally. It's right back there.
855
00:47:35,950 --> 00:47:37,030
- Yuck!
- Nathan?
856
00:47:38,990 --> 00:47:40,120
Nathan, I...
857
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:43,160
My brother spilled fruit punch on the
couch. There's a big red stain.
858
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,040
I, I, um... I need to go.
859
00:47:45,660 --> 00:47:48,040
But you're not getting picked up
for another half hour.
860
00:47:48,250 --> 00:47:50,540
Wanna sit and watch
some more TV?
861
00:47:52,590 --> 00:47:56,180
Yeah. I'll... I'll just... I'll just
watch it from back here.
862
00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:59,260
That's cool. I like standing.
863
00:48:01,970 --> 00:48:05,560
Whoa! Mikey spilled fruit
punch on the wall, too!
864
00:48:05,980 --> 00:48:08,980
- My mom is gonna be so pissed!
- Nathan, I really need to go!
865
00:48:08,980 --> 00:48:11,150
Hey, lovebirds, I hope I'm not...
866
00:48:11,150 --> 00:48:13,900
Holy shit, you are covered
in blood! Oh, my God!
867
00:48:13,900 --> 00:48:15,570
- What?
- Oh, my God!
868
00:48:15,570 --> 00:48:17,240
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
869
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:19,990
Oh, my God! You must've s-sat
on a nail or something!
870
00:48:19,990 --> 00:48:22,620
- You idiot! She's having her period!
- Oh, my God!
871
00:48:22,990 --> 00:48:24,250
What do I do?
872
00:48:24,580 --> 00:48:26,290
You don't know what to do?
You've never had your period before?
873
00:48:26,290 --> 00:48:28,540
- No, I haven't.
- Oh, my God,
874
00:48:28,540 --> 00:48:30,140
Mikey, she's already
lost a lot of blood!
875
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,340
Okay. Um, you know what?
876
00:48:32,340 --> 00:48:34,340
Mom's gotta have some tampons
around here somewhere, right?
877
00:48:34,340 --> 00:48:36,590
Oh, my God!
This is not happening!
878
00:48:36,590 --> 00:48:38,090
Fuck! You are way skinnier than Mom!
879
00:48:38,090 --> 00:48:40,010
There... There's no way
they're gonna fit you!
880
00:48:40,010 --> 00:48:41,590
Look, I'm just gonna walk home!
881
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,010
No, no, no, no! You can't walk
home in your condition, silly!
882
00:48:44,100 --> 00:48:45,600
Mikey, hurry!
883
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,560
There's just plastic bags! I don't
know what the fuck you want me to do!
884
00:48:49,730 --> 00:48:50,770
- What?
- Wipe yourself!
885
00:48:50,770 --> 00:48:52,520
Hey, hey, hey!
Guys, I'm home early.
886
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:53,770
Dad, help us!
887
00:48:54,110 --> 00:48:56,190
Pardon me, I'm Nathan's father, Steve.
888
00:48:56,780 --> 00:48:59,990
Oh, we're just gonna have to plug
it up. I found this and this.
889
00:48:59,990 --> 00:49:01,270
All right, what's going on here?
890
00:49:03,030 --> 00:49:05,290
Nathan's date is on her period
for the first time,
891
00:49:05,290 --> 00:49:07,040
and she's bleeding everywhere!
892
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:08,040
- Oh, disgusting.
- What?
893
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:09,790
I mean, congratulations,
young lady.
894
00:49:09,790 --> 00:49:12,040
"Congratulations"?
She's bleeding to death!
895
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,040
Oh, my God!
My stomach hurts!
896
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,750
She's having contractions!
897
00:49:15,750 --> 00:49:17,590
No! Oh, no!
898
00:49:18,260 --> 00:49:19,550
All right.
899
00:49:19,550 --> 00:49:23,050
9-1-1? Yeah, my friend
is bleeding out of her vagina!
900
00:49:23,050 --> 00:49:24,050
Nathan, Nathan, listen!
901
00:49:24,100 --> 00:49:26,140
Why are you laughing at me?
902
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,980
It's just... it's...
The... The lining of Amanda's...
903
00:49:30,020 --> 00:49:32,770
internal organs just
spilling out of her.
904
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:34,770
Oh, my God!
905
00:49:35,020 --> 00:49:36,820
Look, I'm not dying!
906
00:49:36,820 --> 00:49:38,820
I got frozen peas and a sponge!
907
00:49:39,070 --> 00:49:41,030
If you wanna keep the lining intact,
908
00:49:41,030 --> 00:49:45,330
the man has to insert his
erect phallus into her vagina.
909
00:49:45,330 --> 00:49:47,540
- A what?
- You know what? I got a perfect thing.
910
00:49:48,830 --> 00:49:50,410
Maxi pad on a stick.
911
00:49:50,410 --> 00:49:52,830
Oh, my God! I wanna kill myself!
912
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:54,540
Hello! Hey, baby, you ready?
913
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,550
- What the hell's going on here?
- Dad!
914
00:49:57,550 --> 00:49:58,590
Oh, my God! Honey!
915
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,840
What the hell kind of sick family
squashes a large tomato...
916
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:03,390
on my daughter's pants?
917
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,930
Whoa. Watch what you're
implying about my family.
918
00:50:05,930 --> 00:50:08,060
Oh, I don't gotta watch
anything, Jack!
919
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,850
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
920
00:50:10,940 --> 00:50:12,020
- You touching me?
- Yeah, yeah, bitch, yeah!
921
00:50:12,020 --> 00:50:13,480
- You touching me?
- You're not to touch me!
922
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:15,360
- Let's go, bitch!
- Let's go!
923
00:50:16,610 --> 00:50:18,860
Sucker punch him! Sucker punch
him in the throat!
924
00:50:20,950 --> 00:50:22,860
Everybody shut up!
925
00:50:24,530 --> 00:50:27,620
Look, I'm just a regular seventh-grade
girl getting my period,
926
00:50:27,620 --> 00:50:30,540
and it really sucks that it had
to be in front of all you idiots.
927
00:50:32,870 --> 00:50:35,880
Dad, call Mom and tell her
to meet us at home.
928
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:42,800
She's got her period?
929
00:50:43,930 --> 00:50:45,390
So disgusting.
930
00:50:45,970 --> 00:50:48,560
You don't have a camping tarp
I could borrow, do you?
931
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:50,890
Sorry about all that.
932
00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:53,730
Hey, honey, don't sit in the car!
933
00:50:54,900 --> 00:50:57,480
Vagina is way too complicated!
934
00:50:57,900 --> 00:50:59,400
Yeah, no shit.
935
00:51:01,650 --> 00:51:02,990
Really?
936
00:51:06,820 --> 00:51:07,990
Dad, that was epic!
937
00:51:09,620 --> 00:51:12,830
I've been trying to push that puppy out
since this morning's conference call.
938
00:51:12,870 --> 00:51:15,670
Woo! I gotta take a massive dump,
and then we're watching the game.
939
00:51:15,670 --> 00:51:17,000
- Yeah.
- Yes!
940
00:51:24,970 --> 00:51:26,340
Oh, nice!
941
00:51:54,590 --> 00:51:56,590
So, it's basically a cross between
942
00:51:56,590 --> 00:51:58,590
'Family Guy' and 'Shindler's List'
943
00:51:58,590 --> 00:52:00,590
Which...I know you're
probably thinking "Ah oh"
944
00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:02,590
ya know. How we gonna do that?
945
00:52:02,590 --> 00:52:04,250
but, uh...Holocaust
946
00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:06,250
is spelled H-O-L-L-A
947
00:52:06,250 --> 00:52:08,500
which brings it...it makes it like 'Now'.
948
00:52:09,250 --> 00:52:10,700
Sorry to interrupt.
949
00:52:10,700 --> 00:52:12,700
I tried to stop them Bob.
950
00:52:12,700 --> 00:52:14,700
They just ran past me.
- Griffin?
951
00:52:14,700 --> 00:52:17,000
We had a meeting?
- We need to buy this man's pitch
952
00:52:18,500 --> 00:52:20,500
Okay, we'll discuss that later Griffin.
953
00:52:20,500 --> 00:52:22,500
No, no, no, no...now, now.
954
00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:24,250
We need to discuss it now.
955
00:52:24,250 --> 00:52:25,500
You don't have eyes?
956
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:28,400
I'm in a meeting with
Mike Nellman and Seth MacFarlane.
957
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:30,400
Oh shit. You really
958
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,400
are Seth fucking MacFarlane.
959
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:33,500
The 'Family Guy'
960
00:52:33,500 --> 00:52:35,500
and that music is better than Word's album.
961
00:52:35,500 --> 00:52:36,580
I mean, who knew.
962
00:52:36,580 --> 00:52:38,580
Griffin, what the hell is going on here?
963
00:52:38,580 --> 00:52:40,580
Now is not a good time.
964
00:52:40,580 --> 00:52:41,750
Yeah, yeah, I've gotta go.
965
00:52:41,750 --> 00:52:43,750
I have a table read for...uh...
966
00:52:43,750 --> 00:52:45,750
uh...American Guy...
967
00:52:45,750 --> 00:52:47,750
American Guy? American Dad?
968
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,750
Excuse me guys.
969
00:52:51,250 --> 00:52:52,500
Gimme a break man,
970
00:52:52,500 --> 00:52:54,450
It took me six weeks to get
this meeting with Seth.
971
00:52:54,450 --> 00:52:56,150
I'm not gonna let you mess this up.
972
00:52:56,150 --> 00:52:58,150
You don't understand.
He's ready to start shooting.
973
00:52:58,150 --> 00:53:00,150
Now.
- What?
974
00:53:00,150 --> 00:53:01,350
It's about to explode.
975
00:53:01,350 --> 00:53:03,350
It's an explosive situation that
976
00:53:03,350 --> 00:53:05,100
studios are interested in this.
977
00:53:05,100 --> 00:53:07,750
It's like a bidding war,
we need to buy it right now. Now....now
978
00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:09,750
So grow a pair and buy the fucking thing.
979
00:53:09,750 --> 00:53:11,750
You don't need my blessing for everything.
980
00:53:11,750 --> 00:53:13,750
ah...interesting.
981
00:53:13,750 --> 00:53:14,500
No, no, no it's not true.
982
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:16,500
in the past I have, right? I mean, I...
983
00:53:16,500 --> 00:53:18,500
in the past I have...I have, Right?
984
00:53:18,500 --> 00:53:19,750
Of course, because you're a gutless
985
00:53:19,750 --> 00:53:21,750
man, and you've always
been too much of a pussy.
986
00:53:21,750 --> 00:53:23,750
to test the boundaries.
987
00:53:23,750 --> 00:53:26,500
We...we can come back
if this is not a good time.
988
00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:27,600
No...no, Seth, please.
989
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:30,000
Why don't you grab
a guitar and log back on the band feed.
990
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:32,000
You're going to Jimi Paige level.
991
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,000
okay.
992
00:53:34,750 --> 00:53:37,500
Stand on your own two
feet for once. You're pathetic.
993
00:53:37,500 --> 00:53:38,500
You know that?
994
00:53:38,500 --> 00:53:41,850
I fucked your wife backstage at
Sherry's Night of Champion's Dinner.
995
00:53:41,850 --> 00:53:43,850
you came into work early the next day.
996
00:53:45,850 --> 00:53:47,850
that was fucked up.
997
00:53:48,850 --> 00:53:51,000
Now get out of my office
and buy the damned thing.
998
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,000
Yes!
999
00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:56,750
Bye all.
1000
00:53:56,750 --> 00:53:58,100
I can't believe it.
1001
00:53:58,100 --> 00:54:01,500
I can't believe it,
I sold my first movie.
1002
00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:03,500
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes.
1003
00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:06,000
Yes, yes yes! Woo!
1004
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,000
Oh, lemme tell you something Griffy...
1005
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:10,000
This movie is gonna be great!
1006
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,000
And you know what else?
The events of today...
1007
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,200
They're gonna wind up making a cute story
1008
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:17,000
on a talk show about how I sold it.
1009
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:18,250
What's the matter?
1010
00:54:18,250 --> 00:54:21,000
Can you believe that bastard just
told everybody he had sex with my wife?
1011
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:22,500
Well, not everyone...
1012
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:25,000
I mean I can't speak for
Seth or that Nellman guy
1013
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,000
but my lips are totally...
1014
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,300
...sealed.
1015
00:54:28,300 --> 00:54:30,750
Son-of-a-bitch has
treated me like shit for years.
1016
00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:32,750
You know, one time at
that company Christmas Party...
1017
00:54:32,750 --> 00:54:34,750
he called me a pansy ass chicken shit
1018
00:54:34,750 --> 00:54:37,350
in front of my wife and kids.
My kids actually chuckled at that.
1019
00:54:38,850 --> 00:54:40,850
I totally empathize, alright?
1020
00:54:40,850 --> 00:54:42,850
But listen to me Griffster...
1021
00:54:42,850 --> 00:54:44,850
This movie is very important to me.
1022
00:54:44,850 --> 00:54:49,250
And I need an exec who can
put his personal problems aside
1023
00:54:49,250 --> 00:54:51,500
and really laser focus on this thing.
1024
00:54:51,510 --> 00:54:53,250
and if you're not able to do that...
1025
00:54:53,250 --> 00:54:54,750
as much as it pains me
1026
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:56,600
I'm gonna have to ask you to respectfully
1027
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:58,600
step aside
- No, no, no...We're gonna...
1028
00:54:58,600 --> 00:54:59,800
trust me, I'm focused.
1029
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:01,000
We're gonna make your little movie
1030
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,500
the biggest God damned one
the studio releases this year.
1031
00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:05,300
- Really?
- Yes. It's gonna be our summer tadpole.
1032
00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:06,300
We're gonna spend gazillions.
1033
00:55:06,300 --> 00:55:07,950
We're gonna get all of
the marketing people involved.
1034
00:55:07,950 --> 00:55:08,950
with their marketing money.
1035
00:55:08,950 --> 00:55:11,500
Let that cocksucker try and
explain that to the stock holders.
1036
00:55:11,500 --> 00:55:13,100
- Yeah.
- We're gonna make your movie
1037
00:55:13,100 --> 00:55:14,750
this century's 'Howard the Duck'.
1038
00:55:14,750 --> 00:55:16,750
Yes! Now you're talking.
1039
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,000
And!...
1040
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,750
I haven't even told you about the
shorts that are gonna win us the Oscar!
1041
00:55:22,750 --> 00:55:24,750
Oh yeah.
1042
00:55:29,550 --> 00:55:31,260
Go fuck yourself, asshole!
1043
00:55:32,260 --> 00:55:33,770
Don't do this.
1044
00:55:33,850 --> 00:55:36,810
Brian, we're best friends, man.
You can't move out.
1045
00:55:37,020 --> 00:55:38,270
You fucked my girlfriend, dude.
1046
00:55:38,270 --> 00:55:39,850
One time.
1047
00:55:40,270 --> 00:55:41,730
For a week.
1048
00:55:41,730 --> 00:55:43,690
- What?
- But I want to make it up to you.
1049
00:55:44,230 --> 00:55:45,940
Can I fuck your girlfriend?
1050
00:55:46,570 --> 00:55:48,530
Yes, but she broke up with me...
1051
00:55:48,530 --> 00:55:50,280
when she found out
I slept with your girlfriend...
1052
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:51,910
so I can't arrange it.
1053
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:55,830
But Brian, I got you something.
1054
00:55:56,540 --> 00:56:00,000
Best birthday present ever.
You are going to love this.
1055
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,710
- Is this really necessary?
- Trust me.
1056
00:56:05,630 --> 00:56:08,130
It's better if it's a...
1057
00:56:08,300 --> 00:56:11,800
One, two, three, surprise!
1058
00:56:16,100 --> 00:56:18,560
I know, right, buddy?
Happy birthday.
1059
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:20,230
You kidnapped an Irish midget.
1060
00:56:20,230 --> 00:56:22,650
No, I caught you a leprechaun.
1061
00:56:22,650 --> 00:56:24,570
Moron. There's no such
thing as leprechauns.
1062
00:56:25,230 --> 00:56:26,730
Dude, watch this.
1063
00:56:27,990 --> 00:56:29,030
Hey, little buddy.
1064
00:56:29,030 --> 00:56:32,660
Tell my friend you're going
to give us a big pot of gold.
1065
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,080
I'm going to cut off your balls
and feed them to you!
1066
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:37,330
Good Lord.
1067
00:56:38,290 --> 00:56:42,250
He's just joking. He's got to give us
the gold. That's the rules. Right?
1068
00:56:42,250 --> 00:56:45,880
The last thing you'll ever see is
my cock, skull-fucking you!
1069
00:56:49,170 --> 00:56:50,800
Let me ask him again.
1070
00:56:53,550 --> 00:56:55,560
Give us the fucking gold!
1071
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:57,760
Do you want the lights on or off...
1072
00:56:57,770 --> 00:57:00,100
when I fuck you with
a pair of rusty scissors?
1073
00:57:01,640 --> 00:57:04,100
Stop, stop! Chill! Chill!
1074
00:57:04,110 --> 00:57:07,110
What are you doing?
You're going to kill him!
1075
00:57:07,110 --> 00:57:10,650
Watch out! Relax! I'll handle this,
okay? I'll handle this.
1076
00:57:13,780 --> 00:57:16,160
Hey, Mr. Leprechaun.
1077
00:57:18,620 --> 00:57:20,620
I am super sorry about this.
1078
00:57:20,620 --> 00:57:22,120
It's just a misunderstanding,
1079
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:26,290
so what I'm going to do...
is untie you and let you go.
1080
00:57:27,130 --> 00:57:28,550
How does that sound?
1081
00:57:29,630 --> 00:57:31,590
Okay... but first...
1082
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,550
Lick my crusty Irish taint,
you yeast-breeding cunt hole!
1083
00:57:37,310 --> 00:57:40,230
Die! Die, you little magical fuck!
1084
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,310
Whoa, stop! Stop! Think!
1085
00:57:43,310 --> 00:57:45,900
If he's dead, he can't tell us
where the gold is!
1086
00:57:45,900 --> 00:57:50,150
Fucking giants.
Motherfucking full-growns!
1087
00:57:50,650 --> 00:57:53,820
When all this is over, I'm going
to crawl up your mother's cunt...
1088
00:57:53,820 --> 00:57:55,610
and start a fucking campfire!
1089
00:57:55,620 --> 00:57:59,580
Hey! No! Shut up!
You can't do anything...
1090
00:57:59,580 --> 00:58:02,700
because you're tiny and tied to a
chair, and nobody knows where you are.
1091
00:58:02,710 --> 00:58:03,830
No one!
1092
00:58:05,250 --> 00:58:07,040
I wouldn't bet on that.
1093
00:58:07,500 --> 00:58:08,750
Who's calling?
1094
00:58:10,630 --> 00:58:11,670
Hello?
1095
00:58:11,670 --> 00:58:14,090
So this is what a dead
man sounds like.
1096
00:58:14,090 --> 00:58:16,050
- It's another leprechaun.
- Fuck!
1097
00:58:16,050 --> 00:58:17,510
If that's my brother...
1098
00:58:17,510 --> 00:58:20,970
prepare to have your dickhole
stretched over a fucking fire hydrant!
1099
00:58:20,970 --> 00:58:23,520
- What's wrong with your fucking mouth?
- Gag him.
1100
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:24,600
Your balls...
1101
00:58:25,690 --> 00:58:26,900
Listen, Cookie O' Puss...
1102
00:58:26,900 --> 00:58:30,610
I got a leprechaun and I want some
gold or we're going to kill him.
1103
00:58:30,610 --> 00:58:33,490
How do you feel about
having your balls cut off?
1104
00:58:33,780 --> 00:58:35,910
Jeez, they're so into balls.
1105
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,700
I'm serious. You better
make with the gold...
1106
00:58:38,700 --> 00:58:41,620
or your little green man will be
pushing up four-leaf clovers!
1107
00:58:41,620 --> 00:58:43,500
That was so good.
You sounded so tough.
1108
00:58:43,910 --> 00:58:45,210
Okay.
1109
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:48,500
What did he say?
1110
00:58:49,210 --> 00:58:50,710
He said "Okay."
1111
00:58:52,260 --> 00:58:54,720
No way. How did he get
here so fast?
1112
00:59:13,650 --> 00:59:14,740
Sweet!
1113
00:59:19,740 --> 00:59:22,990
- Gold coins!
- Gold!
1114
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:28,580
'Happy birthday, dude!
- Holy crap!
1115
00:59:28,710 --> 00:59:30,710
So, we get the gold and
we keep this little fucker?
1116
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:33,800
Did you hear that? Looks like
your lucky charms just ran out.
1117
00:59:34,510 --> 00:59:36,970
Who's magically
delicious now, bitch?
1118
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,220
What? Did you say something?
1119
00:59:39,220 --> 00:59:42,760
I couldn't hear you over my giant
pot of leprechaun gold!
1120
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:45,060
Top o' the morning, ladies!
1121
00:59:47,850 --> 00:59:50,980
- He shot me in the eye!
- He shot me in my nipples!
1122
00:59:52,570 --> 00:59:54,690
I'm half goddamn blind!
1123
00:59:55,990 --> 00:59:57,780
Taste Celtic steel!
1124
00:59:59,700 --> 01:00:01,780
That's right, brother!
Fuck him up good!
1125
01:00:01,780 --> 01:00:04,700
This is what happens when
you take a leprechaun's gold!
1126
01:00:04,700 --> 01:00:07,620
Stab him with your leprechaun
knife! Cut off his balls!
1127
01:00:07,620 --> 01:00:09,040
Go leprechauns!
1128
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:11,630
- Walk to the rainbow.
- What?
1129
01:00:11,630 --> 01:00:14,800
- Cut off his balls!
- Help! Pete! Help!
1130
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:17,760
I'm going to mangle your balls!
1131
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,180
Shoot him! Shoot
the fucking leprechaun!
1132
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:24,300
You moron! Not that
leprechaun! This leprechaun!
1133
01:00:24,310 --> 01:00:27,140
Tell St. Patty you like it
up the ass!
1134
01:00:34,230 --> 01:00:35,320
What now?
1135
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:39,740
Not much to these guys.
1136
01:00:39,740 --> 01:00:41,740
Yeah. I thought they'd be bigger.
1137
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:44,780
Hey, Pete, I just want
to say thank you.
1138
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:48,290
- Yeah, it is a lot of gold.
- Nah, it's more than gold.
1139
01:00:48,330 --> 01:00:50,410
Catching that leprechaun
must have been hard work.
1140
01:00:50,410 --> 01:00:53,330
Something that only a true
friend would do for me.
1141
01:00:53,500 --> 01:00:56,590
Yeah, well, I should have never
slept with your girlfriend.
1142
01:00:56,750 --> 01:00:59,340
Whatever. We can buy
new girlfriends.
1143
01:01:00,170 --> 01:01:02,750
Dude, I totally forgot
the second part of your gift!
1144
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:04,300
Really?
1145
01:01:10,810 --> 01:01:14,190
- Who is she?
- She's a fairy. Storybook fairy.
1146
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:18,070
What the hell am I supposed
to do with a fairy?
1147
01:01:18,190 --> 01:01:20,530
I suck cock for gold coins.
1148
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:29,000
Oh look at that smug prick.
1149
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:32,250
Look at him. Walking like he
doesn't have a care in the world.
1150
01:01:36,500 --> 01:01:38,500
Well, you do have a care, Bob.
1151
01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:40,500
A big care...
1152
01:01:40,500 --> 01:01:42,500
...and it's about to be
the last care of your life.
1153
01:01:42,500 --> 01:01:43,850
This is what we were talking about
1154
01:01:43,850 --> 01:01:46,000
You gotta be focused...
you're gonna be focused.
1155
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:48,000
...my notes.
1156
01:01:49,500 --> 01:01:51,500
GRIFFIN: Hey?
1157
01:01:51,500 --> 01:01:53,500
Asshole. Hey...
1158
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,500
How ya like me now raisin dick? Huh?
1159
01:01:58,500 --> 01:02:00,750
For Christ's sake Griffin,
what the hell you doing?
1160
01:02:00,750 --> 01:02:02,750
It's payback time, you Nazi douche!
1161
01:02:02,750 --> 01:02:04,750
- Griffin...
- You treated me like shit from day one.
1162
01:02:04,750 --> 01:02:06,250
but everything's...
- Griffin don't do it!
1163
01:02:06,250 --> 01:02:08,250
Violence never solves anything.
1164
01:02:08,250 --> 01:02:09,500
What are you talking about?
1165
01:02:09,500 --> 01:02:11,750
You had me at gunpoint
when you made me buy your movie.
1166
01:02:11,750 --> 01:02:13,750
it solves everything.
- You've gotta be shitting me?
1167
01:02:13,750 --> 01:02:15,250
He held you at gunpoint,
1168
01:02:15,250 --> 01:02:18,250
and you still came to me to
ask permission to buy the movie?
1169
01:02:18,250 --> 01:02:20,250
No.
1170
01:02:20,500 --> 01:02:22,250
No.
1171
01:02:22,250 --> 01:02:24,000
You think that's funny?
1172
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,250
Hey, I laugh at you.
Okay Motherfucker.
1173
01:02:26,250 --> 01:02:27,250
You think you can laugh at me?
1174
01:02:27,250 --> 01:02:28,750
I got the gun, Jackass.
1175
01:02:28,750 --> 01:02:30,000
Hey Mr. Schraider.
1176
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,100
What are you guys doing playing
a little improv game or something?
1177
01:02:32,100 --> 01:02:34,100
Shut up! Get over here.
1178
01:02:36,100 --> 01:02:38,100
Hey Buddsy.
1179
01:02:38,100 --> 01:02:40,100
Whoa.
- Bob...I...
1180
01:02:42,100 --> 01:02:44,100
...I want you to blow Jerry.
1181
01:02:44,100 --> 01:02:46,100
What?
1182
01:02:46,100 --> 01:02:48,250
I want you to faliate Jerry right now
or I'll put a bullet in your head.
1183
01:02:48,250 --> 01:02:50,150
Please just have a little compassion
1184
01:02:50,150 --> 01:02:52,800
Jerry's had a very traumatic day.
- Blow the Security Guard
1185
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,800
or I'm gonna kill you!
- Ohh...
1186
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,800
of all the mornings to jerkoff in the shower.
1187
01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:58,800
Just...wow...Stop it!
1188
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:00,800
Stop it! Take a timeout right now!
1189
01:03:00,800 --> 01:03:02,800
Look I want everyone to take a breath
1190
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:04,800
and I want you to listen to
1191
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:08,000
the story, because I have more stories...
- I don't want to hear anymore stories...
1192
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:10,000
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya ya! Just listen.
1193
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,000
Who among us, has ever
1194
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:14,500
played the game, 'Truth or Dare'?
1195
01:03:16,740 --> 01:03:18,530
Uno marguerita, por favor?
1196
01:03:18,870 --> 01:03:19,950
You want salt?
1197
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:21,330
Sí, bueno.
1198
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:25,160
- And for you?
- Whynatte and rum, please.
1199
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:26,330
Got it.
1200
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:29,120
Do you mind me asking a question?
It may seem personal.
1201
01:03:29,330 --> 01:03:33,920
I'm quite surprised that a lady
with your face needs to resort to...
1202
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,170
- Match dot com?
- Right.
1203
01:03:35,340 --> 01:03:40,140
Truth is, I have completely
exhausted all of my options.
1204
01:03:40,140 --> 01:03:41,180
- Really?
- Yeah.
1205
01:03:41,180 --> 01:03:43,510
Oh, dear. That's a shame.
And are you from the area?
1206
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:45,180
No. Let's not do that, okay?
1207
01:03:45,180 --> 01:03:47,190
I've been on so many blind dates
in the past year,
1208
01:03:47,190 --> 01:03:48,480
and they're all the same.
1209
01:03:48,980 --> 01:03:50,940
"Where are you from?
What does your sister do?
1210
01:03:50,940 --> 01:03:52,020
What does your father..."
Blah, blah, blah.
1211
01:03:52,020 --> 01:03:54,030
Do you really care if my father
is a garbage man?
1212
01:03:54,030 --> 01:03:56,030
- Is your father a garbage man?
- No, he's not! That's the point.
1213
01:03:56,030 --> 01:03:57,450
- Who cares?
- Not important.
1214
01:03:57,450 --> 01:04:01,160
So let's not do that. Let's
have this date be different.
1215
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:04,160
- Let's talk about real things, okay?
- Great.
1216
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:06,960
- Real, straight conversations.
- I'm all about that.
1217
01:04:08,170 --> 01:04:09,880
So what does your father
do for a living?
1218
01:04:12,210 --> 01:04:15,010
Okay. Let's play a game.
1219
01:04:15,210 --> 01:04:16,920
- Okay.
- Have you played Truth or Dare?
1220
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:18,380
I haven't played it,
but I'm aware of it.
1221
01:04:18,380 --> 01:04:21,970
Well, you start first.
You ask me, "Truth or Dare."
1222
01:04:22,220 --> 01:04:24,010
- Truth or Dare?
- Truth.
1223
01:04:24,220 --> 01:04:29,060
Is there any possibility
in this noble cosmos...
1224
01:04:29,060 --> 01:04:33,270
or any alternative parallel
cosmos where you might...
1225
01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:36,820
Is there any chance I'm your type?
1226
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,200
Yeah. Yeah. You're tall.
1227
01:04:41,740 --> 01:04:43,490
- And that's good?
- I like tall.
1228
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:45,240
Okay, Truth or Dare?
1229
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:46,290
Truth?
1230
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:51,040
I knew you'd say that. I am going to
push the limits just a little bit.
1231
01:04:51,830 --> 01:04:55,000
- Are you circumcised?
- Am I circumcised?
1232
01:04:55,050 --> 01:04:56,800
That's personal.
1233
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:01,180
Circumcision has never really taken
off, to be honest, where I'm from.
1234
01:05:01,180 --> 01:05:04,470
It's not... it's not the vogue.
1235
01:05:05,060 --> 01:05:07,270
I tend to associate it
with Jewish people...
1236
01:05:07,770 --> 01:05:10,060
and we don't have many Jewish
people in Europe anymore...
1237
01:05:10,060 --> 01:05:12,770
because of the... trouble.
1238
01:05:12,770 --> 01:05:14,820
So, no, I'm not.
1239
01:05:15,270 --> 01:05:18,110
But if you would need me to get
circumcised, I'm sure I could.
1240
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,490
- Truth or Dare?
- Truth.
1241
01:05:21,820 --> 01:05:24,120
When was the last time
you kissed a man?
1242
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:28,250
Twenty-six days ago in an alley behind
a Pilates studio. Truth or Dare?
1243
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:30,460
Dare. I'm going
to go with a Dare.
1244
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:34,500
Here we go. Now we're
cooking. Okay.
1245
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:38,550
I dare you to go over there.
1246
01:05:39,260 --> 01:05:42,300
See that man with the black
jacket? The husky guy?
1247
01:05:42,300 --> 01:05:45,090
I dare you to go
and pinch his ass.
1248
01:05:45,100 --> 01:05:47,260
- Do what now?
- Just cup it.
1249
01:05:47,260 --> 01:05:48,810
Grab his cheeks and cup it.
1250
01:05:49,810 --> 01:05:51,100
- No.
- Yeah.
1251
01:05:51,100 --> 01:05:53,560
You said Dare, not me.
That's what Dare is.
1252
01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:55,480
- Have a look at him. He's quite...
- I see him.
1253
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:57,270
Go back there and cup his ass.
1254
01:05:57,270 --> 01:05:58,270
He's quite a stocky man.
1255
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:00,360
- He might have a knife.
- I don't even have to be here.
1256
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:03,030
I can go home and watch Family Guy
if you don't want to play.
1257
01:06:03,030 --> 01:06:04,070
I'll get the check.
Excuse me!
1258
01:06:04,070 --> 01:06:05,530
- Can I have the check?
- She doesn't need the check.
1259
01:06:05,530 --> 01:06:06,830
She's joking.
1260
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:09,080
- Then go cup his ass.
- Okay, I will.
1261
01:06:18,250 --> 01:06:22,880
I call him, and he never answers
the phone. I'm sick of it.
1262
01:06:23,090 --> 01:06:25,300
- Go pay him a visit.
- You call him.
1263
01:06:27,850 --> 01:06:31,310
I'm sick and tired of it. It's...
1264
01:06:32,180 --> 01:06:34,310
- What the fuck?
- I did. Sorry.
1265
01:06:34,310 --> 01:06:37,310
You touching my fucking ass!
What's the matter with you!
1266
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:40,360
- What do you mean, you? Fuck you!
- Sorry. Sorry.
1267
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:43,530
- You touch the wrong ass, asshole!
- It's all good.
1268
01:06:43,530 --> 01:06:45,320
- What's the matter with you?
- Sorry. Apologies. Sorry.
1269
01:06:45,530 --> 01:06:47,030
That was great!
1270
01:06:47,030 --> 01:06:49,160
Truth or Dare? Truth or Dare?
1271
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:50,280
Wait a minute. Can I enjoy the...
1272
01:06:50,290 --> 01:06:52,410
Truth or Dare? Come on.
1273
01:06:52,540 --> 01:06:54,040
Okay. Dare.
1274
01:06:54,040 --> 01:06:55,830
Right. You go and cup his ass.
1275
01:06:55,830 --> 01:06:59,040
No. You can't dare me to do the
same thing I just dared you to do.
1276
01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:01,050
- Truth or Dare.
- Come up with your own dare.
1277
01:07:01,050 --> 01:07:02,090
Be original.
1278
01:07:03,380 --> 01:07:07,760
See that blind kid over there?
Blow out his candles before he can.
1279
01:07:09,180 --> 01:07:11,890
I can't do that! That's cruel!
1280
01:07:11,890 --> 01:07:13,180
It's Truth or Dare.
That's the rule.
1281
01:07:13,180 --> 01:07:15,850
I could take off if you want.
I could go home.
1282
01:07:15,850 --> 01:07:18,400
I'll probably get home in time
to put Benny Hill DVDs on.
1283
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:20,900
- You're doing that?
- It's up to you.
1284
01:07:21,190 --> 01:07:23,440
I'll go over there and
blow out the candles,
1285
01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:24,990
but you need to know something.
1286
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:26,360
This is war.
1287
01:07:27,780 --> 01:07:31,160
I wish it was my birthday
So I could party, too
1288
01:07:31,370 --> 01:07:35,160
Happy, happy birthday
May all your dreams come true
1289
01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,790
Happy, happy birthday
From all of us to you
1290
01:07:38,790 --> 01:07:39,920
Hey!
1291
01:07:49,430 --> 01:07:51,810
Excuse me. I got $200.
Can you give me the whole thing?
1292
01:08:12,410 --> 01:08:15,410
I dare you to make guacamole
with your right breast.
1293
01:08:47,820 --> 01:08:50,450
"...elucidate several most important,
however...
1294
01:08:50,820 --> 01:08:54,240
intricate passages and scenes
hereafter to be painted."
1295
01:08:54,240 --> 01:08:57,200
Chapter 64: Stubb's Supper.
1296
01:08:57,250 --> 01:09:00,290
"Stubb's whale had been killed
some distance from the ship."
1297
01:09:07,460 --> 01:09:10,260
When the swelling goes down,
you're going to look great, Emily.
1298
01:09:11,130 --> 01:09:12,470
Thanks, sweetie.
1299
01:09:29,490 --> 01:09:33,110
- That was fun, huh?
- Yes. I had a really great time.
1300
01:09:33,120 --> 01:09:34,240
Yeah? Me, too.
1301
01:09:34,490 --> 01:09:37,490
- It was definitely interesting.
- Yeah. We did a lot.
1302
01:09:37,490 --> 01:09:40,500
Yes. Yeah. We did. We did.
1303
01:09:40,870 --> 01:09:42,330
- We did it up.
- Yes.
1304
01:09:42,330 --> 01:09:45,290
It was enchanting.
You're really a...
1305
01:09:46,500 --> 01:09:48,130
very delightful woman.
1306
01:09:48,300 --> 01:09:49,840
- Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
1307
01:09:50,090 --> 01:09:51,260
So... Yeah.
1308
01:09:52,470 --> 01:09:56,050
This is that slightly
awkward moment.
1309
01:09:56,470 --> 01:09:57,510
Well...
1310
01:09:58,350 --> 01:10:00,270
No. I'm sorry.
1311
01:10:00,850 --> 01:10:04,270
You're sweet, really, and
I really did have a good time...
1312
01:10:04,270 --> 01:10:08,320
but I'm just not that attracted
to Asian men.
1313
01:10:17,870 --> 01:10:20,330
Psych! Get in here, Yao Ming!
1314
01:10:20,540 --> 01:10:23,120
We don't want these puppies
to go to waste.
1315
01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:30,110
Nah...
1316
01:10:30,110 --> 01:10:32,110
I don't like it. It's too
offensive to the Asians.
1317
01:10:32,110 --> 01:10:34,110
Who you think is financing this place?
1318
01:10:34,110 --> 01:10:37,500
The Jews?
- No the Japanese.
1319
01:10:37,500 --> 01:10:39,500
Hey! I don't care about any of this.
1320
01:10:39,500 --> 01:10:41,500
Alright, I wanna do what I want to do.
1321
01:10:41,500 --> 01:10:43,200
And that means you right now
1322
01:10:43,200 --> 01:10:45,200
blowing Jerry! Let's go!
1323
01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:46,630
That's right, Motherfucker
1324
01:10:46,630 --> 01:10:48,630
on your knees and pucker up.
1325
01:10:48,630 --> 01:10:50,630
It is what it is.
1326
01:10:50,630 --> 01:10:53,000
- Think this through.
- I am thinking it through.
1327
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:59,000
No! No! No!
1328
01:11:02,500 --> 01:11:04,500
What?
1329
01:11:04,500 --> 01:11:06,500
That's not gonna work.
1330
01:11:06,500 --> 01:11:07,650
Cut!
1331
01:11:07,650 --> 01:11:10,250
Pierre Man, come on,
gimme a fucking break.
1332
01:11:10,250 --> 01:11:12,740
Hey, it wasn't me.
That's Special Effects fault.
1333
01:11:12,740 --> 01:11:14,740
And what are you?
1334
01:11:14,740 --> 01:11:15,560
Fuck!
1335
01:11:15,570 --> 01:11:18,130
I thought you yelled 'cut'.
Why is this guy still rolling?
1336
01:11:18,130 --> 01:11:19,000
It's B
1337
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:21,900
Oh, hey, I said specifically
no B Roll on the set.
1338
01:11:21,900 --> 01:11:24,500
And could somebody please give me some paper towels?
1339
01:11:24,500 --> 01:11:27,640
My ass, these poofy jeans
are making up pools of sweat.
1340
01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:29,640
DIRECTOR: Princess needs an ass fan.
1341
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:30,750
Oh fuck you!
1342
01:11:30,750 --> 01:11:32,750
We're losing light. Hurry up please.
1343
01:11:32,750 --> 01:11:34,750
Hey Steve, isn't is a
movie about a bunch of shorts?
1344
01:11:34,750 --> 01:11:36,200
Yeah.
1345
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:38,200
and, haven't we shown the last short?
1346
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:42,000
No. Actually, I think we
have one more to go.
1347
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:45,500
Well, why don't we just
run that and cut all this bullshit?
1348
01:11:45,750 --> 01:11:47,750
Okay.
1349
01:11:48,750 --> 01:11:52,960
In 1959, Kenny Jackson coached
the Ellison High Journeymen...
1350
01:11:52,960 --> 01:11:55,380
to become the first Negro
high school team...
1351
01:11:55,380 --> 01:11:57,630
ever to compete for a state title.
1352
01:11:57,930 --> 01:12:00,090
Theirs was victory's glory.
1353
01:12:01,350 --> 01:12:04,350
Come on, y'all. Why y'all still sitting
here? The game's all about to start.
1354
01:12:04,350 --> 01:12:06,730
Coach, we scared.
1355
01:12:07,390 --> 01:12:11,940
There's 10,000 white people out there
that think that we ain't good enough.
1356
01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:16,320
You know what?
Maybe we ain't.
1357
01:12:16,940 --> 01:12:18,780
All of y'all feel like that?
1358
01:12:19,660 --> 01:12:21,780
Four hundred years in this country...
1359
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:26,660
the black man has been
spit on, kicked...
1360
01:12:27,790 --> 01:12:29,250
drug through the mud.
1361
01:12:29,790 --> 01:12:31,960
But I've got two things
I can tell you.
1362
01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:36,760
Number one, win or lose...
1363
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:39,880
I am so proud of y'all.
1364
01:12:41,800 --> 01:12:43,180
Number two...
1365
01:12:44,810 --> 01:12:46,850
You're going to win.
1366
01:12:47,980 --> 01:12:49,980
It's just that plain
and fucking simple.
1367
01:12:50,190 --> 01:12:52,020
You're going to win!
1368
01:12:52,860 --> 01:12:54,310
But them white boys
from Hickory Tech...
1369
01:12:54,310 --> 01:12:56,820
- What game are we playing?
- Basketball, Coach.
1370
01:12:57,030 --> 01:12:58,780
What color is their skin?
1371
01:12:58,820 --> 01:13:00,950
- White.
- Exactly!
1372
01:13:00,950 --> 01:13:02,820
They're white, you're black.
1373
01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:04,830
This is basketball...
1374
01:13:05,830 --> 01:13:07,370
Am I speaking fucking Chinese?
1375
01:13:07,370 --> 01:13:10,330
Come on, people.
You guys are 25 and 0.
1376
01:13:10,330 --> 01:13:12,920
Yeah, Coach, but that was
against all-black teams.
1377
01:13:13,290 --> 01:13:16,920
That's the point! Y'all are going
to kill those Caucasians!
1378
01:13:16,920 --> 01:13:19,090
But, Coach, look at
their fundamentals.
1379
01:13:19,090 --> 01:13:21,930
The fundamentals!
It doesn't matter!
1380
01:13:22,180 --> 01:13:26,970
It's all the same when you're some
cement-foot troglodyte white boy...
1381
01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:29,970
getting dunked on with a big pair
of black fucking nuts...
1382
01:13:29,980 --> 01:13:31,890
hanging on your forehead!
1383
01:13:31,890 --> 01:13:33,900
Speaking of nuts...
Lucious.
1384
01:13:33,900 --> 01:13:35,360
Come on up here, Lucious.
1385
01:13:36,980 --> 01:13:39,230
Tell them.
How long is your dick?
1386
01:13:39,990 --> 01:13:41,860
I don't know, Coach. Like a foot.
1387
01:13:43,610 --> 01:13:44,820
Foot and a half.
1388
01:13:44,950 --> 01:13:45,990
Foot and a ha...
1389
01:13:48,200 --> 01:13:49,830
Foot and a half?
1390
01:13:50,700 --> 01:13:52,830
Their arm ain't even that long!
1391
01:13:52,830 --> 01:13:56,880
All right, let's kick some butt.
You scared?
1392
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,050
Well, well, well.
1393
01:13:59,880 --> 01:14:01,880
You Negroes going
to play basketball, or what?
1394
01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:05,050
Yeah, you Negroes.
What's the matter?
1395
01:14:05,180 --> 01:14:08,970
Did you realize you didn't belong
in a white man's game, you Negroes?
1396
01:14:09,010 --> 01:14:11,600
That's right. This isn't
a game for Negroes.
1397
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:15,980
It's a game for good, honest
white people, not for Negroes.
1398
01:14:15,980 --> 01:14:17,860
You understand, Negroes?
1399
01:14:18,980 --> 01:14:22,650
- White Knights!
- White Knights!
1400
01:14:24,610 --> 01:14:25,990
Man, Coach, they looked tough.
1401
01:14:25,990 --> 01:14:28,160
"They looked tough"?
I'm so scared!
1402
01:14:28,160 --> 01:14:29,780
You know what they might do?
1403
01:14:29,790 --> 01:14:33,250
One of them might dribble
with his left hand...
1404
01:14:33,250 --> 01:14:36,000
all the way down the lane and then
go up for a left-handed layup...
1405
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:38,040
and you know what's going
to happen then?
1406
01:14:38,670 --> 01:14:41,880
Your black ass is going
to swat that shit...
1407
01:14:42,010 --> 01:14:47,050
jump over his cracker ass, and
dunk in his goddamn face!
1408
01:14:47,050 --> 01:14:50,050
How many fucking times
do I have to tell you?
1409
01:14:50,060 --> 01:14:54,270
You're black, they're white,
this ain't hockey!
1410
01:14:54,940 --> 01:14:59,690
Guys, I think what Coach is trying to
say is that the key word is "teamwork."
1411
01:15:00,070 --> 01:15:05,030
No, the key word is
"you're black, they're white"!
1412
01:15:05,650 --> 01:15:08,240
So, Coach, what you're saying is,
if we just walk with the Lord...
1413
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:10,910
The Lord? Nigger, the Lord
done did his part already!
1414
01:15:10,910 --> 01:15:14,080
He made you black.
He made them white.
1415
01:15:14,330 --> 01:15:18,080
He gave you a foot-and-a-half dick!
Dribble with that motherfucker!
1416
01:15:19,290 --> 01:15:21,710
As long as y'all are out
there on the floor...
1417
01:15:22,050 --> 01:15:24,710
you're going to score more
points than them.
1418
01:15:24,720 --> 01:15:26,970
That's just how basketball works!
1419
01:15:32,060 --> 01:15:35,310
Cut that goddamn
slow clap shit out!
1420
01:15:35,350 --> 01:15:37,850
Tries my motherfucking patience!
1421
01:15:38,150 --> 01:15:39,940
Go out there and win!
1422
01:15:40,980 --> 01:15:42,980
- Let's go!
- Come on!
1423
01:16:10,140 --> 01:16:12,260
It was a glorious game.
1424
01:16:13,140 --> 01:16:15,140
But late in the fourth quarter...
1425
01:16:15,140 --> 01:16:19,020
when Lucious Williams dribbled
the entire length of the court...
1426
01:16:19,020 --> 01:16:21,190
with his foot-and-a-half penis...
1427
01:16:21,400 --> 01:16:25,030
the referees had no choice
but to call a technical foul...
1428
01:16:25,650 --> 01:16:29,150
sending young Bobby Lee Mayflower
to the line...
1429
01:16:29,320 --> 01:16:32,700
for the most dramatic
moment of the contest.
1430
01:16:55,760 --> 01:16:57,060
Hey, guys. Hello.
1431
01:16:57,060 --> 01:16:58,730
Who is that woman you are with?
1432
01:16:58,930 --> 01:17:00,310
That's my mother.
1433
01:17:00,310 --> 01:17:02,100
I want your mother.
1434
01:17:05,730 --> 01:17:08,070
- Baxter, turn that shit off, man.
- Okay.
1435
01:17:09,150 --> 01:17:10,830
I'm going to go to
the bathroom, all right?
1436
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:18,790
I can't fucking do it.
1437
01:17:19,080 --> 01:17:21,830
- I don't know, but I been told
- I don't know, but I been told
1438
01:17:21,830 --> 01:17:23,170
Gym class gives you great big balls
1439
01:17:23,170 --> 01:17:24,210
Gym class gives you...
1440
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:29,130
Out here shooting the shit.
1441
01:17:29,130 --> 01:17:32,970
Some guys shoot the shit, and some
people get shot with shit. Right?
1442
01:17:33,140 --> 01:17:35,260
- Am I right?
- I don't know what he's talking about.
1443
01:17:35,390 --> 01:17:37,050
You know what the fuck
I'm talking about.
1444
01:17:37,060 --> 01:17:38,970
I want to be on you.
1445
01:17:40,060 --> 01:17:41,390
In you.
1446
01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:45,150
- Sorry. Fuck.
- Not a problem.
1447
01:17:51,240 --> 01:17:52,240
No.
1448
01:17:53,280 --> 01:17:55,870
No, I can just see him
underneath the table.
1449
01:17:57,120 --> 01:17:59,600
And he's had his fingers in
my pussy for the last five minutes.
1450
01:17:59,660 --> 01:18:03,000
It's monstrous. It looks like she's
sitting on Art Garfunkel's shoulders.
1451
01:18:11,170 --> 01:18:14,130
No one leaves this room
till we figure this out.
1452
01:18:16,140 --> 01:18:18,180
Mangled dicks. Mangled...
1453
01:18:18,180 --> 01:18:20,350
Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks...
1454
01:18:20,350 --> 01:18:22,980
- Mangled dicks.
- Mangled dicks. Mangled...
1455
01:18:22,980 --> 01:18:25,150
- Dicks.
- Dicks.
1456
01:18:25,230 --> 01:18:26,810
I got frozen peas and a sponge.
1457
01:18:26,810 --> 01:18:29,020
No, Mikey, there's steel
wool on one side.
1458
01:18:29,020 --> 01:18:30,190
Shit, you're right.
1459
01:18:30,190 --> 01:18:32,820
Okay, Amanda, you're going to want
to keep the yellow side up.
1460
01:18:32,820 --> 01:18:34,740
Otherwise, there's going
to be lots more blood.
1461
01:18:43,160 --> 01:18:45,170
I suck cock for gold coins.
1462
01:18:46,670 --> 01:18:48,170
So do I.
1463
01:19:00,890 --> 01:19:03,850
So what you're saying is, if we go
out there and give 110 percent...
1464
01:19:03,850 --> 01:19:07,060
A hundred and ten percent!
Fifty percent! Three percent!
1465
01:19:07,060 --> 01:19:10,270
I think what Coach is trying to say is
that the key word here is "teamwork."
1466
01:19:10,360 --> 01:19:13,860
Lucious, will you whip out your dick
and smack this motherfucker with it?
1467
01:19:15,360 --> 01:19:17,070
- What?
- I love you even more.
1468
01:19:17,070 --> 01:19:19,160
- Oh, Anson.
- I do.
1469
01:19:19,620 --> 01:19:21,240
- Me, too.
- You do?
1470
01:19:26,620 --> 01:19:29,750
He's America's favorite cat...
Beezel
1471
01:19:36,170 --> 01:19:38,090
I'm embarrassed to even
say this, but...
1472
01:19:38,090 --> 01:19:39,260
What?
1473
01:19:40,010 --> 01:19:42,180
Amy, ever since you moved
in here, I...
1474
01:19:43,310 --> 01:19:45,100
- What?
- I love you even more.
1475
01:19:45,100 --> 01:19:47,060
- Oh, Anson.
- I do.
1476
01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:48,980
- Me, too.
- You do?
1477
01:19:52,360 --> 01:19:54,860
Beezel! How are you?
1478
01:19:55,320 --> 01:19:57,700
How is my handsome little boy?
1479
01:20:03,660 --> 01:20:08,120
Hey, Anson, do you ever feel like
your relationship with Beezel...
1480
01:20:08,120 --> 01:20:09,920
is a little strange?
1481
01:20:10,330 --> 01:20:11,330
Amy!
1482
01:20:12,210 --> 01:20:14,000
Please don't tell me
you're one of those girls...
1483
01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:15,960
that gets jealous of a guy's pet!
1484
01:20:16,090 --> 01:20:19,220
Even if that pet is thuper thilly!
1485
01:20:19,680 --> 01:20:23,260
No, no. I just don't think
he likes me very much.
1486
01:20:23,260 --> 01:20:25,930
Come on, Amy. He loves you!
1487
01:20:25,930 --> 01:20:27,310
- Really?
- Yeah.
1488
01:20:27,930 --> 01:20:29,100
There we go.
1489
01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:32,980
Now, where were we?
1490
01:20:42,240 --> 01:20:43,660
What's wrong?
1491
01:20:46,240 --> 01:20:47,290
Nothing.
1492
01:21:34,330 --> 01:21:36,340
Get off of me!
1493
01:22:03,320 --> 01:22:05,030
- What happened?
- Beezel...
1494
01:22:05,370 --> 01:22:08,200
pissed all over me!
1495
01:22:08,620 --> 01:22:10,620
Oh, no, he just sprayed you.
1496
01:22:10,750 --> 01:22:14,330
It's something male cats do sometimes.
It means he likes you.
1497
01:22:14,330 --> 01:22:16,210
- He likes me?
- Yeah.
1498
01:22:16,210 --> 01:22:19,340
Or it could mean that he's sick.
Buddy, are you sick?
1499
01:22:19,380 --> 01:22:22,010
Anson, he did this on purpose!
1500
01:22:22,010 --> 01:22:25,720
- I caught him masturbating.
- He was probably just cleaning himself.
1501
01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:29,260
It was to pictures of you
in a swimsuit!
1502
01:22:29,260 --> 01:22:31,770
Cats can't even process
images in that way.
1503
01:22:31,770 --> 01:22:34,350
But he is not a normal cat.
1504
01:22:34,350 --> 01:22:35,600
Of course he is.
1505
01:22:35,600 --> 01:22:38,730
He just put a fucking
thermometer in his mouth!
1506
01:22:38,940 --> 01:22:40,280
He thinks it's a toy.
1507
01:22:45,030 --> 01:22:46,360
Oh, Beezel.
1508
01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:50,240
Anson. I love you.
1509
01:22:50,240 --> 01:22:53,250
I do, but as long as that
little fucker is around...
1510
01:22:53,250 --> 01:22:54,830
I cannot be with you.
1511
01:22:55,000 --> 01:22:57,290
No, Amy, Amy. Look.
1512
01:22:58,630 --> 01:23:01,170
If it'll make you happy,
I'll find another home for Beezel.
1513
01:23:01,170 --> 01:23:02,380
He's just a cat.
1514
01:23:03,590 --> 01:23:04,760
But you...
1515
01:23:05,970 --> 01:23:07,390
you're the woman that I love.
1516
01:23:09,180 --> 01:23:12,100
- You'd get rid of him?
- I will.
1517
01:23:12,390 --> 01:23:14,100
- I love you.
- I love you.
1518
01:23:14,100 --> 01:23:15,310
No, I love you.
1519
01:23:39,130 --> 01:23:41,670
Beezel, where are you, boy?
1520
01:23:42,000 --> 01:23:43,960
Come out, come out,
you little rat-fucker.
1521
01:23:44,800 --> 01:23:46,090
Beezel!
1522
01:23:47,720 --> 01:23:51,100
Shit, I told my mother we'd
have him there in an hour.
1523
01:23:51,100 --> 01:23:53,680
She was nice enough
to take him off our hands.
1524
01:23:54,060 --> 01:23:56,770
- Do you mind checking outside for him?
- Absolutely.
1525
01:23:57,060 --> 01:23:58,310
I'm going to go upstairs.
1526
01:24:01,360 --> 01:24:02,730
Beezel?
1527
01:24:38,730 --> 01:24:42,190
That's it, you son of a bitch!
1528
01:24:45,730 --> 01:24:47,740
Cock-sucking...
1529
01:24:48,650 --> 01:24:50,360
motherfucking...
1530
01:24:50,360 --> 01:24:53,200
Garfield reject piece of shit!
1531
01:24:56,790 --> 01:24:58,960
Die, you...
1532
01:24:59,790 --> 01:25:02,710
dick-loving devil cat!
1533
01:25:10,130 --> 01:25:12,760
What?
1534
01:25:14,390 --> 01:25:15,720
Don't look.
1535
01:25:16,140 --> 01:25:18,930
Mommy, she's beating that cat...
1536
01:25:19,680 --> 01:25:20,730
to death!
1537
01:25:21,940 --> 01:25:23,690
He tried to kill me.
1538
01:25:23,980 --> 01:25:25,820
No, you don't understand.
1539
01:25:26,150 --> 01:25:28,690
You don't understand.
1540
01:25:32,660 --> 01:25:34,030
Please.
1541
01:25:36,120 --> 01:25:37,660
Get her!