1
00:01:06,379 --> 00:01:08,214
Tensions are rising
as the stand-off

2
00:01:08,298 --> 00:01:12,303
between the world community and the
rogue North African nation of Wadiya

3
00:01:12,386 --> 00:01:13,596
intensified today

4
00:01:13,679 --> 00:01:17,641
as U.N. Weapons inspectors were once
again refused access to the country

5
00:01:17,725 --> 00:01:20,978
by Wadiyan leader,
Admiral General Aladeen.

6
00:01:21,395 --> 00:01:25,192
I will take no options
off the table. And I mean what I say.

7
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,362
Tonight we ask...
Who is General Aladeen?

8
00:01:28,779 --> 00:01:30,572
According to
Wadiyan propaganda,

9
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:33,785
Haffaz Aladeen
was born in 1973.

10
00:01:36,954 --> 00:01:40,291
He did not know his mother,
who died in childbirth.

11
00:01:42,126 --> 00:01:45,589
General Aladeen was born
the only son of the Colonel Aladeen,

12
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,966
himself a savage
and violent dictator.

13
00:01:51,804 --> 00:01:52,805
Next!

14
00:01:54,932 --> 00:01:56,559
Known for his iconic beard,

15
00:01:56,685 --> 00:01:59,145
he is protected
by 30 female guards,

16
00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:01,147
who he maintains
are virgin.

17
00:02:11,325 --> 00:02:12,993
Thrust into power
at age seven,

18
00:02:13,119 --> 00:02:16,831
he may just be the most dangerous
man in the entire world.

19
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:18,834
All right,
let's get right to it.

20
00:02:20,127 --> 00:02:21,837
Do you have
nuclear weapons?

21
00:02:24,715 --> 00:02:26,091
What was the question?

22
00:02:26,883 --> 00:02:29,637
Do you have
nuclear weapons?

23
00:02:29,887 --> 00:02:30,930
Sorry, I can't hear you.

24
00:02:31,014 --> 00:02:32,724
Are you developing
nuclear weapons?

25
00:02:33,016 --> 00:02:34,892
No, I literally
can't hear you.

26
00:02:35,643 --> 00:02:37,520
I'm going to
another question.

27
00:02:37,603 --> 00:02:39,773
Oh, I can hear you now.

28
00:02:40,524 --> 00:02:42,901
Eccentric and with
unlimited oil wealth,

29
00:02:42,985 --> 00:02:45,404
he recently hosted
his own Olympic Games...

30
00:02:45,696 --> 00:02:47,906
On your mark, get set.

31
00:02:56,583 --> 00:02:59,044
...at which he won
fourteen gold medals.

32
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,884
Aladeen! Aladeen!

33
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,219
Often described
as ignorant,

34
00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:11,140
he changed
over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"

35
00:03:11,223 --> 00:03:15,020
including the words "positive" and
"negative," causing mass confusion.

36
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:20,359
Do you want
the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?

37
00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,988
The Aladeen news?

38
00:03:25,323 --> 00:03:28,326
You are HIV-Aladeen.

39
00:03:42,508 --> 00:03:43,717
With pressure mounting,

40
00:03:43,801 --> 00:03:46,346
Aladeen addressed
his nation today.

41
00:03:46,679 --> 00:03:48,848
Aladeen! Aladeen!

42
00:04:19,632 --> 00:04:21,634
People of Wadiya,

43
00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:24,512
I come before you today

44
00:04:24,846 --> 00:04:29,226
to tell you that the world shall
kneel before our great nation.

45
00:04:29,518 --> 00:04:34,481
We are two months away from
enriching weapons-grade uranium

46
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:42,073
to be used
for peaceful purposes.

47
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:53,377
It will be used
only for medical research

48
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:56,839
and clean energy.
It will, it will.

49
00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:59,675
And will certainly
never be used

50
00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:02,512
to attack Is...
Oh, boy.

51
00:05:06,183 --> 00:05:07,517
With that speech, today,

52
00:05:07,601 --> 00:05:10,187
the international community
is asking one question:

53
00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:14,025
Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
have nuclear weapons?

54
00:05:24,578 --> 00:05:25,704
Now, show me
my nuclear weapons!

55
00:05:25,788 --> 00:05:28,540
I can't wait!
I can't wait!

56
00:05:44,641 --> 00:05:46,852
This is the Beard
of Doom rocket?

57
00:05:47,311 --> 00:05:50,189
This is my weapon?
I will be a laughingstock!

58
00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:53,150
All my friends
have got nuclear weapons.

59
00:05:53,401 --> 00:05:54,902
Even Ahmadinejad!

60
00:05:55,277 --> 00:05:58,448
And he looks like
a snitch on Miami Vice.

61
00:05:58,740 --> 00:06:01,076
Would it kill him
to wear a tie?

62
00:06:01,576 --> 00:06:04,538
I mean, is every day
in Iran casual Friday?

63
00:06:05,414 --> 00:06:09,419
Where is the Head of my Nuclear
Program and Procurer of Women?

64
00:06:09,752 --> 00:06:11,587
Where is Nuclear Nadal?

65
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,257
You had Nadal executed,
Supreme Leader.

66
00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:15,717
Why did I do that?

67
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,516
Supreme Leader!

68
00:06:22,766 --> 00:06:24,101
Nadal.

69
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,521
We are just months away
from refining weapons-grade uranium,

70
00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:30,442
and we are set
to test the missile next week.

71
00:06:32,277 --> 00:06:34,988
It is too round on the top.
It needs to be pointy.

72
00:06:35,530 --> 00:06:38,283
Round is not scary.
Pointy is scary.

73
00:06:38,533 --> 00:06:40,536
This will put a smile
on the faces of the enemy.

74
00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:44,123
They will think that it is a huge robot
dildo flying toward them.

75
00:06:44,373 --> 00:06:45,583
No, Supreme Leader.

76
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:48,419
The shape of the missile top
has nothing to do with aerodynamics.

77
00:06:48,502 --> 00:06:50,212
It is about
the payload delivery.

78
00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:52,466
No. It sticks in the ground,
and then kaboom.

79
00:06:52,966 --> 00:06:54,426
Supreme Leader,
I think perhaps

80
00:06:54,509 --> 00:06:57,971
some of your information
about bombs is coming from cartoons.

81
00:06:58,096 --> 00:07:00,390
Nonsense.
They were research films.

82
00:07:00,849 --> 00:07:03,144
And in them,
the victims of the bomb

83
00:07:03,227 --> 00:07:05,313
would get
very sooty faces

84
00:07:05,521 --> 00:07:08,399
and then a see-through
version of themselves

85
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:12,111
started rising up towards Heaven
while playing a harp.

86
00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:15,574
In this film,
just one question,

87
00:07:15,657 --> 00:07:19,578
was there a duck who,
when the explosion is happens,

88
00:07:19,661 --> 00:07:22,873
his bill goes
around to the back of his head,

89
00:07:22,956 --> 00:07:26,086
and then in order to talk,
he has to put it back this way?

90
00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:29,798
There was somebody
who suffered a deformity like that.

91
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:31,132
Okay.

92
00:07:31,216 --> 00:07:34,552
I am now 100 % sure
that you are watching cartoons.

93
00:07:34,928 --> 00:07:36,847
Have you spoken to
the experts about this?

94
00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:39,850
- Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
- Who?

95
00:07:39,934 --> 00:07:43,354
Professor Bobeye, the one
with the incredibly strong forearms

96
00:07:43,437 --> 00:07:45,481
that are miss-sized
for his body.

97
00:07:45,689 --> 00:07:47,984
The man you are discussing
is called Popeye.

98
00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:50,028
- Bobeye.
- He is not a professor.

99
00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:53,907
Popeye is, as the song
tells us, a sailor man.

100
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:57,787
Indulge me. For one second,
pretend that I'm an idiot.

101
00:07:57,870 --> 00:07:58,913
Okay. I'm there.

102
00:07:58,996 --> 00:08:02,208
And explain to me
how this bomb

103
00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:05,086
will not land in Israel

104
00:08:05,378 --> 00:08:08,882
and then, literally,
bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.

105
00:08:09,299 --> 00:08:10,843
Supreme Leader,
let me explain to you.

106
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,052
You've lost me.

107
00:08:14,054 --> 00:08:15,431
This is the missile
in Wadiya,

108
00:08:16,056 --> 00:08:18,225
you push the button, "Boop!"

109
00:08:21,813 --> 00:08:22,814
Israel...

110
00:08:26,943 --> 00:08:29,487
"No! Why?"

111
00:08:32,658 --> 00:08:33,784
Nuclear winter.

112
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,244
The reality is...

113
00:08:40,082 --> 00:08:41,084
Oy vey!

114
00:08:43,462 --> 00:08:44,463
Us.

115
00:08:47,049 --> 00:08:50,385
Believe me, sir, if I could make
the device even a little more pointy,

116
00:08:50,469 --> 00:08:52,972
I would,
but I simply cannot.

117
00:08:56,059 --> 00:08:58,061
Okay. You know what?

118
00:08:59,062 --> 00:09:00,855
Let's just agree
to disagree, my friend.

119
00:09:01,189 --> 00:09:02,273
Okay.

120
00:09:04,526 --> 00:09:05,861
What? Why? No!

121
00:09:06,737 --> 00:09:08,947
- Don't you remember?
- Of course I remember!

122
00:09:09,239 --> 00:09:12,201
How dare you question my
memory? I remember everything!

123
00:09:12,284 --> 00:09:15,121
No, I would never do that!
Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.

124
00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:17,832
Don't worry, it's fine.
Well done, my friend.

125
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,292
Thank you.

126
00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:22,087
Wait! Wait!
Where are we going?

127
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:25,299
Admiral General,
what if we just tell the United Nations

128
00:09:25,383 --> 00:09:26,717
we have no nuclear weapons?

129
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,177
They will lift
the sanctions.

130
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,513
We'll be free
to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.

131
00:09:30,596 --> 00:09:32,181
Uncle Tamir.

132
00:09:32,264 --> 00:09:34,475
Do you not remember
what my saintly father

133
00:09:34,558 --> 00:09:36,436
made me promise him
on his deathbed?

134
00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:40,107
It was never
to sell Wadiya's oil.

135
00:09:41,108 --> 00:09:43,151
You remember that
was when he gave me power

136
00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:45,195
instead of you,
the rightful heir.

137
00:09:45,445 --> 00:09:46,948
You've been so cool about it.

138
00:09:47,990 --> 00:09:49,325
Now, let's go back
to the palace.

139
00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:50,785
It's the season finale

140
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:54,580
of Real Housewives
of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!

141
00:09:56,749 --> 00:09:59,253
Aladeen! Aladeen!

142
00:10:15,687 --> 00:10:17,313
Death to the tyrant!

143
00:10:28,284 --> 00:10:30,286
Looks like we need
to find a new double.

144
00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:31,955
Because this one is...

145
00:10:32,289 --> 00:10:35,000
You know, I don't know
if he's going to get better.

146
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,377
Oh, he's not going
to recover, sir. He's dead.

147
00:10:38,128 --> 00:10:41,340
Send his wife some
chocolate covered almond nuts

148
00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:44,343
in a cellophane wrapped box.
Delicious.

149
00:10:44,719 --> 00:10:48,473
We're going to send
your wife some almonds.

150
00:10:48,598 --> 00:10:50,767
Chocolate covered
versions of these.

151
00:10:54,063 --> 00:10:57,900
Maroush, I think I dropped
an almond in his head.

152
00:10:57,983 --> 00:10:59,401
Can you take it out?

153
00:11:00,069 --> 00:11:03,281
What I don't want to do is
send the body to the family

154
00:11:03,364 --> 00:11:06,076
and then they discover
an almond in his head,

155
00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,536
and they say,
"Why is there an almond in his head?"

156
00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:09,788
Take it out.

157
00:11:11,956 --> 00:11:13,083
Clean it!

158
00:11:13,875 --> 00:11:15,169
How am I gonna eat that?

159
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:19,965
- Don't eat it.
- Oh, Maroush!

160
00:11:21,092 --> 00:11:23,260
Listen, everything
is gonna be just fine.

161
00:11:23,427 --> 00:11:25,138
I don't want you to
worry about anything.

162
00:11:25,931 --> 00:11:28,433
Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
when I'm speaking to you?

163
00:11:28,517 --> 00:11:32,354
It's very rude not to look at somebody in
the eye when they're talking to you.

164
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,440
It's okay. Don't worry.
You're having a rough day.

165
00:11:45,535 --> 00:11:47,788
We shot the wrong man.

166
00:11:48,038 --> 00:11:51,417
I can fix this. I have a new
plan. We need to find a new double.

167
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,461
One that is simple enough to
be manipulated completely.

168
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,480
I think we found
what you are looking for.

169
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:23,034
You think this man
looks like me?

170
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,829
You have
a very big barn.

171
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:29,624
You must have
many happy goats, hmm?

172
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,044
What the fuck
does that even mean?

173
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:36,632
Uncle Tamir,
this thing is an idiot.

174
00:12:36,841 --> 00:12:38,634
What makes you think
he can do the job?

175
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:42,639
May I remind you that his only real job is
to be shot in the head.

176
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:45,976
Very well. Put him
through the process, okay?

177
00:12:46,727 --> 00:12:48,771
Clip his nails,
file his teeth,

178
00:12:48,854 --> 00:12:51,648
bleach his skin,
and shorten the penis.

179
00:12:55,987 --> 00:12:57,989
Megan! Megan!

180
00:12:59,157 --> 00:13:00,992
You now have herpes.

181
00:13:03,829 --> 00:13:06,415
Megan, you were
worth every penny.

182
00:13:06,749 --> 00:13:08,250
You were super hot.

183
00:13:08,584 --> 00:13:09,835
Is my jet ready?

184
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,005
Yes, but do you
want to stay the night?

185
00:13:13,089 --> 00:13:14,841
You know, I really
want to do some cuddling.

186
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:16,093
No. Your time is up.

187
00:13:16,176 --> 00:13:18,178
I have to be
with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.

188
00:13:18,512 --> 00:13:20,889
Okay. Maroush,
give the goodie bag!

189
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:22,307
Thanks.

190
00:13:22,390 --> 00:13:23,809
I trust
everything is in there,

191
00:13:23,892 --> 00:13:25,603
as your manager requested?

192
00:13:25,686 --> 00:13:27,772
Katy Perry said she got
a diamond Rolex.

193
00:13:27,855 --> 00:13:30,525
That's because she let me
Aladeen in her face.

194
00:13:33,528 --> 00:13:34,529
Okay.

195
00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:36,865
Right. Are you sure you don't want
to stay for some cuddles?

196
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:37,950
- No.
- But, please.

197
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:39,535
I really want
someone to cuddle.

198
00:14:43,104 --> 00:14:45,774
Breaking news now.
Just moments ago,

199
00:14:45,857 --> 00:14:47,025
the U.N. Security
Council voted

200
00:14:47,108 --> 00:14:49,486
to authorize NATO
air strikes against Wadiya,

201
00:14:49,569 --> 00:14:53,783
unless Admiral General Aladeen
agrees to address the U.N. In person.

202
00:14:53,866 --> 00:14:55,785
And now, the world waits.

203
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,119
What will Aladeen do next?

204
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,729
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring,
boring. Come on. Come on.

205
00:15:21,813 --> 00:15:25,191
Beloved Oppressor,
I have just received disturbing news.

206
00:15:25,274 --> 00:15:27,611
Welcome
to the Munich Olympics.

207
00:15:28,112 --> 00:15:29,279
Shalom?

208
00:15:30,447 --> 00:15:31,615
Oy vey!

209
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:33,367
Supreme Leader,

210
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:34,743
the United Nations
demands that

211
00:15:34,827 --> 00:15:38,123
you address their concerns
about our nuclear program,

212
00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:40,375
or they will vote to
authorize military action.

213
00:15:41,209 --> 00:15:42,377
Summon my generals.

214
00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:44,212
I'll join you after
I finish this level.

215
00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:46,214
Bonus round. Mass grave.

216
00:15:59,104 --> 00:16:03,150
Those gangsters at the UN
want me to address them.

217
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,195
Fine! I'll address them like they've
never been addressed before.

218
00:16:07,404 --> 00:16:08,655
How much time
have they allotted me?

219
00:16:09,239 --> 00:16:10,324
Seven minutes, sir.

220
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:13,119
I'll talk for 14 hours!

221
00:16:13,661 --> 00:16:16,330
And three of those
will be untranslatable.

222
00:16:16,456 --> 00:16:17,832
Literally, baby noises.

223
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:24,131
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
Role play, role play.

224
00:16:24,256 --> 00:16:26,258
You, come on.
This'll be fun.

225
00:16:26,425 --> 00:16:29,386
So, Secretary General,
your soldiers will weep...

226
00:16:31,346 --> 00:16:34,058
I'm so sorry!
Listen, it was not my fault.

227
00:16:34,142 --> 00:16:36,686
I mean, somebody had
set the safety catch

228
00:16:36,770 --> 00:16:38,605
to "Aladeen"
instead of "Aladeen."

229
00:16:39,189 --> 00:16:40,940
Look, I mean,
this whole gun...

230
00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:44,111
It's gonna be fine.
You just need to ice it.

231
00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:45,654
You got to ice.

232
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,323
Promise me
you're going to ice?

233
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:48,699
Okay. Tamir!

234
00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:51,202
Inflate my neck pillow

235
00:16:51,285 --> 00:16:54,664
and pack my book
of medium-level Sudoku.

236
00:16:55,165 --> 00:16:57,918
We're going to America!

237
00:17:24,696 --> 00:17:26,073
America!

238
00:17:26,449 --> 00:17:29,661
The birthplace of AIDS.

239
00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:37,837
Supreme Leader, I took the liberty
of hiring some extra security.

240
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,422
This is Mr. Clayton.

241
00:17:39,505 --> 00:17:42,633
Admiral General,
I am here for your protection 24/7.

242
00:17:42,716 --> 00:17:43,801
Okay.

243
00:17:43,884 --> 00:17:47,471
But in the interest of full disclosure, I
have to say I hate A-rabs.

244
00:17:48,348 --> 00:17:50,475
Well, that's fine,
because I'm not an Arab.

245
00:17:51,184 --> 00:17:54,521
Well, you're
all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,

246
00:17:54,604 --> 00:17:57,357
those blue tree-hugging
queers in A-vatar.

247
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:03,364
In fact, anyone from outside of
America is technically an A-rab.

248
00:18:04,490 --> 00:18:05,616
Listen, while you're here,

249
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,995
I highly recommend a visit
to the Empire State Building,

250
00:18:09,078 --> 00:18:12,166
before you or one of your
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.

251
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:16,295
Also, if you're interested in taking
in a Broadway show while you're here,

252
00:18:16,545 --> 00:18:18,088
and you don't mind
the homo stuff,

253
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,424
I highly recommend
Billy Elliot.

254
00:18:21,509 --> 00:18:24,012
You know what, I like this guy
despite his liberal views.

255
00:18:24,095 --> 00:18:25,305
Very good, sir.

256
00:18:30,393 --> 00:18:34,190
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
renovated to your specifications.

257
00:18:39,695 --> 00:18:42,865
Twenty dollars a day
for Internet? What the fuck?

258
00:18:44,201 --> 00:18:47,913
And they accuse me
of being an international criminal?

259
00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:51,166
Beloved Oppressor,
try to get some sleep.

260
00:18:51,249 --> 00:18:52,876
Tomorrow is
your big speech.

261
00:18:53,084 --> 00:18:55,963
Nobody touch the minibar!
It's a fucking rip-off!

262
00:19:15,776 --> 00:19:17,529
Rise and shine.

263
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:19,781
Who are you?

264
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,450
We've actually
already met.

265
00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:24,119
Hello, Aladdin.

266
00:19:24,619 --> 00:19:26,371
Clayton? I thought
we were friends.

267
00:19:27,623 --> 00:19:28,958
Nice to see you, too.

268
00:19:30,459 --> 00:19:31,627
Here's the deal.

269
00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:33,963
I'm gonna kill you,
and then I'm gonna burn your body.

270
00:19:34,130 --> 00:19:35,172
No, no, no.
Please, don't.

271
00:19:35,256 --> 00:19:39,428
But before I do I have
one very important question for you.

272
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:42,180
Did you get a chance
to see Billy Elliot?

273
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:44,766
Yes.

274
00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:45,976
And?

275
00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:48,813
I found it heartwarming
and life-affirming.

276
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:52,650
Thank you!
How great is that show?

277
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,235
It is.
It's great, yeah.

278
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,821
You know, he's got like
an artist inside himself,

279
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,659
but he's in this working class place
and no one understands him.

280
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,745
He's just like...
I'm gonna express myself in my dance.

281
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,247
And he expresses himself...

282
00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:09,376
And he doesn't wanna use violence,
but he puts his violence into his dance.

283
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:10,753
You should try that.

284
00:20:12,046 --> 00:20:15,258
Okay. So, we gotta get down
to business. Enough chit-chat.

285
00:20:15,341 --> 00:20:16,843
I'm being paid to kill you.

286
00:20:17,177 --> 00:20:18,636
But I'm gonna
torture you for free.

287
00:20:23,476 --> 00:20:24,769
Are you serious?

288
00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:26,187
Where'd you get
those relics?

289
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:28,856
From the Shah of Iran's
garage sale?

290
00:20:29,273 --> 00:20:30,274
Yeah, right.

291
00:20:30,357 --> 00:20:31,776
I mean, I know there's
nothing more annoying

292
00:20:31,859 --> 00:20:33,361
than a backseat torturer,
but, please, come on.

293
00:20:33,695 --> 00:20:35,030
This is great stuff.

294
00:20:35,113 --> 00:20:38,533
It's not great stuff.
That's like 1972, hello.

295
00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:43,790
You won't be talking
so much smack with this up your butt.

296
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:47,460
That's the Anal Umbrella.
It's a good device, I grant you,

297
00:20:47,543 --> 00:20:49,462
but where's
the splash guard?

298
00:20:49,545 --> 00:20:51,506
You're going to kill me
and your white shirt.

299
00:20:51,839 --> 00:20:53,549
It didn't come
with a splash guard.

300
00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:55,636
You're gonna get chara
on your trousers.

301
00:20:55,969 --> 00:20:57,805
I can see it has
a screw hole for one.

302
00:20:57,888 --> 00:20:59,306
Apparently,
I didn't get it.

303
00:20:59,848 --> 00:21:01,683
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,

304
00:21:01,892 --> 00:21:03,977
check out this bad boy.

305
00:21:04,061 --> 00:21:06,523
Oh, that's not bad.
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

306
00:21:06,606 --> 00:21:07,982
Okay, so, now
we're getting somewhere.

307
00:21:08,066 --> 00:21:10,902
It's actually been banned in Saudi
Arabia for being too safe.

308
00:21:12,028 --> 00:21:14,405
You know,
this is totally depressing.

309
00:21:14,697 --> 00:21:16,074
Listen, just show me
another one.

310
00:21:16,157 --> 00:21:18,911
You know, honestly, I don't even want
to show you anything anymore.

311
00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:20,913
Don't be like that.

312
00:21:21,455 --> 00:21:23,415
You know, I don't even think
you want to be tortured.

313
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:24,834
I don't want
to be tortured.

314
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,168
You're just, like,
taking all the fun out of it!

315
00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:28,421
You just want me to say
compliments all the time.

316
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:31,424
So either you want the truth
or you want compliments. Decide!

317
00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:35,011
It'd be nice if I got just a little bit
of positive feedback about my tools.

318
00:21:35,137 --> 00:21:36,972
What else you got?
I'm gonna love the next thing!

319
00:21:37,055 --> 00:21:38,181
I will be supportive.

320
00:21:38,432 --> 00:21:39,767
All right.

321
00:21:40,309 --> 00:21:42,645
Just this. This pours
hot fire out on you.

322
00:21:42,895 --> 00:21:44,814
Oh,
the Fallujah Firehose!

323
00:21:44,897 --> 00:21:46,649
Someone's got
a friend in Syria!

324
00:21:46,732 --> 00:21:48,192
I am pretty proud of it.

325
00:21:48,276 --> 00:21:49,862
There is a new model,
you know.

326
00:21:51,071 --> 00:21:52,406
I've got one that
works by Bluetooth.

327
00:21:54,366 --> 00:21:56,034
Screw it. Screw it!
Screw it!

328
00:21:56,368 --> 00:21:57,661
I'm going to enjoy this now.

329
00:21:57,744 --> 00:21:59,496
No, don't. Don't.
Don't. Please, don't!

330
00:22:07,505 --> 00:22:10,925
No one will recognize
the body without this!

331
00:22:11,177 --> 00:22:13,429
The Supreme Beard!
You will be cursed!

332
00:22:13,554 --> 00:22:14,638
No, no, don't do it!

333
00:22:14,722 --> 00:22:16,515
Come on!
Why won't this catch?

334
00:22:16,599 --> 00:22:20,436
You foolish man! There is no earthly
fire that could ever light...

335
00:22:21,896 --> 00:22:24,733
The flames
of the righteous attack the unjust!

336
00:22:34,076 --> 00:22:37,497
I'll be back with help!
J. K! Just kidding!

337
00:22:42,668 --> 00:22:44,338
My speech.

338
00:22:46,006 --> 00:22:49,176
Yo!
Average American shopper!

339
00:22:49,718 --> 00:22:51,345
I do not have
any money on me,

340
00:22:51,595 --> 00:22:52,805
but if you give me
your clothes

341
00:22:52,888 --> 00:22:56,017
I'll make a sizeable donation
in your name to al-Qaeda.

342
00:23:01,314 --> 00:23:08,239
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

343
00:23:09,907 --> 00:23:11,909
Hello. I am
Admiral General Aladeen.

344
00:23:11,992 --> 00:23:14,203
I am here to
deliver my speech to the United Nations.

345
00:23:14,286 --> 00:23:16,122
Look, Admiral,
it's too hot for crazy.

346
00:23:16,372 --> 00:23:17,415
How dare you?

347
00:23:17,582 --> 00:23:19,626
Listen, Tamir is
coming right now.

348
00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:22,045
You're going to
be in big trouble. Here he is.

349
00:23:22,504 --> 00:23:23,839
Tamir! Tamir!

350
00:23:32,849 --> 00:23:34,976
Tamir, it was you, you snake!

351
00:23:36,853 --> 00:23:40,524
He's not the
legitimate leader!

352
00:23:40,607 --> 00:23:42,442
He's not
the legitimate leader!

353
00:23:42,526 --> 00:23:45,779
He's not the
legitimate leader!

354
00:23:47,281 --> 00:23:50,118
You have rehearsed the
speech I prepared for you?

355
00:23:50,201 --> 00:23:53,204
Yes. But when is
the General coming?

356
00:23:53,455 --> 00:23:54,622
He's feeling ill.

357
00:23:54,873 --> 00:23:56,958
Does he have worms in his shilshul?

358
00:23:57,041 --> 00:23:58,209
Very possibly.

359
00:23:58,793 --> 00:24:01,297
Admiral General Aladeen
preparing

360
00:24:01,380 --> 00:24:03,466
to address the General
Assembly of the United Nations.

361
00:24:03,549 --> 00:24:04,550
An historic moment.

362
00:24:04,633 --> 00:24:06,302
He's approaching the podium.

363
00:24:06,635 --> 00:24:08,888
And he's walked
right past the podium.

364
00:24:09,054 --> 00:24:10,055
What is he doing?

365
00:24:10,473 --> 00:24:12,476
You are making
a fool out of me!

366
00:24:12,809 --> 00:24:14,811
Let's bring in Denise,
our U. N. Correspondent.

367
00:24:14,895 --> 00:24:16,104
What do you make of that?

368
00:24:16,897 --> 00:24:18,815
Well, I have to say,
he's got their attention.

369
00:24:19,149 --> 00:24:21,318
Every eye in the room
is on him right now.

370
00:24:21,401 --> 00:24:23,821
And he's returning
to the podium.

371
00:24:24,739 --> 00:24:26,491
And he's fallen
off the stage.

372
00:24:26,574 --> 00:24:28,242
What do you make
of that, Denise?

373
00:24:28,493 --> 00:24:33,164
You know, he's clearly implying that the
U. N. Must fall before him.

374
00:24:33,582 --> 00:24:36,084
Drinking from the
pitcher of water directly,

375
00:24:36,168 --> 00:24:38,712
as opposed to
the glass that I'm sure must be up there.

376
00:24:38,796 --> 00:24:39,838
What do you think
that means?

377
00:24:39,922 --> 00:24:41,965
Again, it's another
attempt to say,

378
00:24:42,049 --> 00:24:44,259
"Listen, I'm not going
to play by your rules."

379
00:24:44,343 --> 00:24:46,012
And he seems to have
a pitcher of urine out.

380
00:24:46,513 --> 00:24:48,765
I believe he just
urinated in the pitcher.

381
00:24:50,517 --> 00:24:52,185
He is now drinking
his urine.

382
00:24:52,435 --> 00:24:54,103
It looks to be
his own urine.

383
00:24:54,646 --> 00:24:55,898
Sorry. You want?

384
00:24:56,148 --> 00:24:58,484
Trying to force it
on the Israeli delegation.

385
00:24:59,068 --> 00:25:00,486
That might be
the ambassador.

386
00:25:00,903 --> 00:25:04,573
He is dumping the urine
on the Israeli delegation.

387
00:25:04,824 --> 00:25:06,075
Oh, that's a good one.

388
00:25:07,911 --> 00:25:09,746
Okay, he's returning
to the podium.

389
00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:14,668
Much has been made
of the hostility between our countries.

390
00:25:15,168 --> 00:25:17,505
With the help
of the U.M.,

391
00:25:17,755 --> 00:25:21,175
I will draft a new
constitution for Wadiya

392
00:25:21,509 --> 00:25:26,514
and sign it in five days,
on Wadiya's Independence Day.

393
00:25:26,848 --> 00:25:27,849
No, no, no.

394
00:25:28,099 --> 00:25:29,852
This new constitution

395
00:25:30,102 --> 00:25:31,728
will end the dictatorship...

396
00:25:31,812 --> 00:25:32,813
No!

397
00:25:32,896 --> 00:25:36,358
...and it will
turn Wadiya into a

398
00:25:36,859 --> 00:25:38,193
democracy.

399
00:25:41,114 --> 00:25:43,533
No! Democracy? Never!

400
00:25:44,284 --> 00:25:45,618
Never!

401
00:25:46,786 --> 00:25:49,873
The Wadiyan people
love being oppressed!

402
00:25:50,708 --> 00:25:53,169
Dictatorship forever!

403
00:26:00,509 --> 00:26:02,012
Come on! Come with me!

404
00:26:02,804 --> 00:26:03,847
Hurry!

405
00:26:09,186 --> 00:26:11,521
Hello, person. Person.

406
00:26:11,771 --> 00:26:13,107
Black person.

407
00:26:13,774 --> 00:26:15,443
The double that
you found is good.

408
00:26:15,526 --> 00:26:17,278
He is almost as dumb
as the real guy.

409
00:26:17,528 --> 00:26:20,031
So, Wadiya will
become a democracy.

410
00:26:20,531 --> 00:26:22,700
China is a democracy,
too.

411
00:26:24,703 --> 00:26:26,413
Once that constitution
is signed,

412
00:26:26,497 --> 00:26:29,708
I will be able
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,

413
00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:32,336
you will have control of
Wadiya's southern oil fields.

414
00:26:32,419 --> 00:26:34,214
B. P., you will
control the north.

415
00:26:34,297 --> 00:26:35,715
Exxon, you will have
all offshore rights,

416
00:26:35,799 --> 00:26:38,051
provided you do not
use B. P.'s drilling rigs.

417
00:26:38,134 --> 00:26:42,138
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will
have the lease on our shale reserves.

418
00:26:42,222 --> 00:26:44,182
Some of those reserves are
in densely populated areas.

419
00:26:44,557 --> 00:26:46,894
Then unpopulate them.

420
00:26:47,394 --> 00:26:50,272
After you've paid me
my 30 % finder's fee, of course.

421
00:26:50,731 --> 00:26:52,066
Gentlemen.

422
00:26:53,901 --> 00:26:56,071
So, you're going
to make billions.

423
00:26:56,154 --> 00:26:58,156
What will you do
with all those dollars?

424
00:26:58,615 --> 00:27:02,285
I will buy the house on Lake Como
next to George Clooney's.

425
00:27:02,536 --> 00:27:04,454
I love George Clooney!

426
00:27:04,788 --> 00:27:06,581
He's an old-fashioned
movie star.

427
00:27:06,665 --> 00:27:08,459
He gay?
He suck my dick?

428
00:27:09,252 --> 00:27:12,922
No, those are just rumors.
Are you a homosexual?

429
00:27:13,172 --> 00:27:15,758
No, no, no, it's more
of a power trip with me.

430
00:27:15,842 --> 00:27:17,385
Everybody has a price.

431
00:27:17,468 --> 00:27:20,556
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my
fingers for two hundred grand!

432
00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:30,441
Oh, my gosh,
that was so crazy!

433
00:27:30,775 --> 00:27:32,944
I am so honored
to be able to help you.

434
00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:35,196
Finally, somebody
who knows who I am.

435
00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:36,698
Yeah, of course!

436
00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:40,452
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.

437
00:27:40,953 --> 00:27:42,454
It was so brave of you.

438
00:27:42,705 --> 00:27:44,790
- My name is Zoey.
- I don't care.

439
00:27:44,999 --> 00:27:46,000
What's yours?

440
00:27:46,292 --> 00:27:48,961
My name is Ala... son.

441
00:27:49,461 --> 00:27:51,298
- Allison?
- Right. Allison.

442
00:27:51,631 --> 00:27:53,466
What's your last name?

443
00:27:56,386 --> 00:27:57,721
Burgers.

444
00:27:58,722 --> 00:28:00,557
Nice to meet you,
Allison Burgers.

445
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,351
- You know, I...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

446
00:28:03,019 --> 00:28:06,772
Allison, could you
please take your hands off my breasts?

447
00:28:07,148 --> 00:28:09,192
Those are breasts?
I thought you were a boy.

448
00:28:12,738 --> 00:28:15,407
- Where are you taking me to?
- To Brooklyn!

449
00:28:24,834 --> 00:28:26,961
So, yeah,
this is my store!

450
00:28:27,045 --> 00:28:28,505
This is the Free
Earth Collective.

451
00:28:28,755 --> 00:28:32,091
We are a vegan, feminist,
non-profit cooperative operating

452
00:28:32,175 --> 00:28:34,428
within an anti-racist,
anti-oppressive framework

453
00:28:34,512 --> 00:28:36,180
for people of
all or no genders.

454
00:28:37,431 --> 00:28:39,600
We are
a pure democracy,

455
00:28:39,683 --> 00:28:41,769
just like Wadiya's
going to be soon!

456
00:28:42,102 --> 00:28:43,813
Get me clothes,
little man.

457
00:28:44,104 --> 00:28:45,857
Oh, you know what, there's some in
the Earthquake Relief box

458
00:28:45,941 --> 00:28:47,484
in the lesbian bathroom,
right there.

459
00:28:47,567 --> 00:28:48,777
Right.

460
00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:52,280
So, Allison,
we're the only store in New York,

461
00:28:52,364 --> 00:28:54,574
other than that fascist
superchain Green World,

462
00:28:54,658 --> 00:28:56,661
that sells your nation's
specialty fruit, mafroom,

463
00:28:57,119 --> 00:28:59,205
which I know
you people eat a lot of.

464
00:28:59,539 --> 00:29:01,332
Oh, I hope that didn't come off
like a cultural stereotype.

465
00:29:01,415 --> 00:29:03,876
Because I'm, like,
the furthest thing from a racist.

466
00:29:04,168 --> 00:29:06,838
I pretty much haven't
had a white boyfriend since high school.

467
00:29:07,088 --> 00:29:08,882
Well, the darker races
are less choosy.

468
00:29:10,509 --> 00:29:12,511
Okay, that came off
as kind of offensive.

469
00:29:12,761 --> 00:29:14,096
Thank you.

470
00:29:15,430 --> 00:29:17,349
Anyway, let me give
you the grand tour.

471
00:29:17,432 --> 00:29:20,270
Up on the roof,
we have this amazing organic garden...

472
00:29:20,603 --> 00:29:23,106
Boring! Do you sell
any assault rifles?

473
00:29:23,523 --> 00:29:26,192
Oh, wait. I got it.
Humor. Right?

474
00:29:26,442 --> 00:29:28,945
I took a feminist
clown workshop once.

475
00:29:29,196 --> 00:29:31,240
Help! Help! I'm trapped
under a glass ceiling!

476
00:29:31,615 --> 00:29:33,242
What the fuck?

477
00:29:33,576 --> 00:29:35,494
I wasn't the best
student, but...

478
00:29:35,619 --> 00:29:38,038
We've got this wellness center
downstairs in the basement,

479
00:29:38,164 --> 00:29:41,418
where we do water birth.
Have you ever seen a water birth?

480
00:29:41,835 --> 00:29:44,045
Not a water birth,
but I've seen a water death.

481
00:29:44,296 --> 00:29:45,797
Wow. Was it moving?

482
00:29:46,256 --> 00:29:47,841
There was actually
very little movement.

483
00:29:47,966 --> 00:29:50,970
A little wriggling,
then two bubbles, and then a big bloop

484
00:29:51,137 --> 00:29:52,346
and the wallet floats up.

485
00:29:53,931 --> 00:29:55,224
You seem educated.

486
00:29:55,474 --> 00:29:57,101
Yes.
I went to Amherst.

487
00:29:57,518 --> 00:29:59,437
I love it when
women go to school.

488
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,524
It's like seeing
a monkey on rollerskates.

489
00:30:02,774 --> 00:30:05,777
It means nothing to them,
but it's so adorable for us.

490
00:30:06,361 --> 00:30:08,280
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

491
00:30:08,363 --> 00:30:11,617
you know, we'd love to have you work
here if you ever wanted to.

492
00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:15,872
All of our employees
are political refugees, just like you!

493
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,123
There's Hannah over here.

494
00:30:17,248 --> 00:30:21,127
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
useful member of our team.

495
00:30:23,713 --> 00:30:26,217
Useful as what?
A coat hanger?

496
00:30:27,468 --> 00:30:29,303
- Come on.
- Allison, that's not funny.

497
00:30:29,637 --> 00:30:32,640
Okay. I tell you what,
get back to work, Captain Hook!

498
00:30:32,973 --> 00:30:35,143
- "Captain Hook." It's funny.
- No, it's not funny.

499
00:30:35,393 --> 00:30:36,394
Who's that?

500
00:30:36,645 --> 00:30:37,646
Oh, this is Joteph.

501
00:30:37,729 --> 00:30:40,148
He's from a Sudanese tribe
that has no concept of money.

502
00:30:40,398 --> 00:30:42,651
His entire village
was ransacked.

503
00:30:42,901 --> 00:30:43,985
Hey, Sub-Saharan!

504
00:30:45,237 --> 00:30:48,825
Do you think you could get me 100
child soldiers here by 5:00 p.m.?

505
00:30:48,908 --> 00:30:49,951
No!

506
00:30:50,034 --> 00:30:51,327
Okay. Time out! Time out.

507
00:30:51,410 --> 00:30:52,620
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

508
00:30:52,912 --> 00:30:54,580
Shave your under-the-arms!

509
00:30:54,914 --> 00:30:57,751
I dread to think what kind of jungle
you have on your malawach!

510
00:30:58,085 --> 00:30:59,586
That is very inappropriate.

511
00:30:59,753 --> 00:31:02,589
Don't tell me what
to say and what not to say, little boy.

512
00:31:02,756 --> 00:31:04,925
You need to put
that finger away.

513
00:31:05,008 --> 00:31:06,385
I won't put my
finger away because...

514
00:31:06,468 --> 00:31:07,971
Look, I've got
two fingers now.

515
00:31:08,054 --> 00:31:09,097
Okay.

516
00:31:09,180 --> 00:31:12,767
If you do not stop using hateful
language, you cannot work here.

517
00:31:13,184 --> 00:31:15,144
All right. I promise.

518
00:31:15,228 --> 00:31:16,437
Okay.

519
00:31:17,856 --> 00:31:20,442
I tricked you,
Wolverina.

520
00:31:21,777 --> 00:31:24,446
Justin Bieber's
chubby double!

521
00:31:26,699 --> 00:31:28,534
Hairy Potter!

522
00:31:36,459 --> 00:31:38,128
Good-bye, old friend.

523
00:31:45,261 --> 00:31:46,637
When will the Supreme
Leader be better?

524
00:31:46,721 --> 00:31:47,763
In time.

525
00:31:47,930 --> 00:31:52,269
He's resting in his bedroom
and must never, ever be disturbed.

526
00:31:52,686 --> 00:31:54,188
Time for bed.

527
00:31:58,358 --> 00:32:01,528
Being Aladeen has its perks,
does it not?

528
00:32:04,782 --> 00:32:06,367
Dropped your belt.

529
00:32:22,468 --> 00:32:23,844
What are you doing?

530
00:32:23,928 --> 00:32:25,138
She tried to milk me!

531
00:32:25,388 --> 00:32:26,389
No.

532
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,808
They are trying
to pleasure you.

533
00:32:28,975 --> 00:32:31,728
Allow the girls to use
their many talents.

534
00:32:41,364 --> 00:32:42,406
No!

535
00:32:42,490 --> 00:32:44,992
Supreme Leader!
The girls!

536
00:32:45,326 --> 00:32:47,996
Girls, show him
your bosoms.

537
00:33:13,899 --> 00:33:17,528
Let me in! I have
85 rooms at this hotel!

538
00:33:17,611 --> 00:33:19,698
It's me, Admiral
General Aladeen!

539
00:33:19,781 --> 00:33:21,074
I lost my beard!

540
00:33:21,658 --> 00:33:22,784
You don't got a pass,
you don't get in.

541
00:33:22,868 --> 00:33:26,204
But I'm staying here! I paid twenty
dollars for the fucking Internet!

542
00:33:26,997 --> 00:33:29,875
How much do you charge
for assassinations?

543
00:33:50,314 --> 00:33:52,317
Why is this
happening to me?

544
00:33:53,234 --> 00:33:56,571
All I ever did was
steal my country's wealth

545
00:33:57,030 --> 00:34:00,074
and execute anybody
who did not agree with me,

546
00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:01,826
and many who did.

547
00:34:02,493 --> 00:34:03,579
Why me?

548
00:34:03,996 --> 00:34:07,708
Why is it always
the good guys? Why?

549
00:34:14,716 --> 00:34:15,926
Nadal?

550
00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:04,311
Welcome to
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

551
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:07,773
Wait. You look
very familiar.

552
00:35:08,148 --> 00:35:09,442
Do I know you?

553
00:35:11,862 --> 00:35:14,322
Sorry.

554
00:35:14,698 --> 00:35:15,907
So sorry, Supreme Leader.

555
00:35:16,116 --> 00:35:17,909
Don't worry.
I'm 50 % to blame.

556
00:35:20,580 --> 00:35:22,790
No! No! Supreme Leader!

557
00:35:23,666 --> 00:35:25,626
Definitely not.
I must be going.

558
00:35:25,710 --> 00:35:26,836
No, no. Stay, please.

559
00:35:27,128 --> 00:35:29,255
If you hate Aladeen
and you like good food,

560
00:35:29,338 --> 00:35:32,342
this is the place for you.
This way. Here we go.

561
00:35:47,108 --> 00:35:48,359
Enjoy it.

562
00:35:52,030 --> 00:35:53,324
No! No!

563
00:36:08,882 --> 00:36:10,050
For you.

564
00:36:11,134 --> 00:36:12,511
What is your name?

565
00:36:12,928 --> 00:36:14,137
Allison Burgers.

566
00:36:14,931 --> 00:36:17,683
That's a made-up name.
What's your real name?

567
00:36:21,395 --> 00:36:22,438
Ladis.

568
00:36:22,730 --> 00:36:23,773
Ladis what?

569
00:36:24,190 --> 00:36:26,068
Ladis Washerum.

570
00:36:29,863 --> 00:36:32,282
So your name
is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"?

571
00:36:32,366 --> 00:36:34,076
That is a made-up name.

572
00:36:34,451 --> 00:36:35,994
What is your real name?

573
00:36:36,204 --> 00:36:39,207
I am interested.
We are interested.

574
00:36:43,253 --> 00:36:44,462
Emploice.

575
00:36:44,879 --> 00:36:46,130
Emploice what?

576
00:36:46,422 --> 00:36:48,884
Emploice... Muswashans.

577
00:36:51,470 --> 00:36:52,972
That is a made-up name.

578
00:36:55,266 --> 00:36:56,392
Okay.

579
00:36:56,475 --> 00:36:58,603
What is your real name?

580
00:36:59,271 --> 00:37:00,564
Max.

581
00:37:00,939 --> 00:37:01,940
Max what?

582
00:37:02,148 --> 00:37:05,902
Imumoccupancyu
One-hundred-and-twenty.

583
00:37:08,948 --> 00:37:11,200
There's a number in the name?

584
00:37:11,284 --> 00:37:13,911
Who are you?
An Aladeen sympathizer?

585
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,873
No, no, no!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!

586
00:37:16,956 --> 00:37:17,957
No!

587
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,460
It's Aladeen!
It's Aladeen without the beard!

588
00:37:20,836 --> 00:37:22,588
No! It's not Aladeen!

589
00:37:23,463 --> 00:37:24,506
Hasan, lock the door!

590
00:37:27,593 --> 00:37:30,053
Wait, wait, wait, no!
There you are, cousin!

591
00:37:30,512 --> 00:37:32,849
This is my cousin.
I see you've all met him.

592
00:37:33,057 --> 00:37:35,852
He's very simple
and backwards. I'm sorry.

593
00:37:35,935 --> 00:37:37,061
- Sorry.
- It's okay, sit.

594
00:37:37,145 --> 00:37:38,479
- Okay.
- Sit and eat.

595
00:37:39,022 --> 00:37:40,315
Have a seat, cousin.

596
00:37:40,940 --> 00:37:43,319
Very sorry.
My apologies. Enjoy.

597
00:37:43,527 --> 00:37:46,614
What are you doing here?
And what has happened to your beard?

598
00:37:47,072 --> 00:37:50,242
I've been replaced by this body
double who's a total imbecile.

599
00:37:50,367 --> 00:37:51,994
How are you alive?

600
00:37:52,161 --> 00:37:54,831
How am I... Wait.
You don't know?

601
00:37:54,915 --> 00:37:56,041
No.

602
00:37:56,124 --> 00:37:59,502
Every single person
you had executed is still alive.

603
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:01,922
We all live here
in Little Wadiya.

604
00:38:02,005 --> 00:38:04,467
The executioner, he is
a member of the Resistance!

605
00:38:04,842 --> 00:38:06,052
You mean I never
executed anybody?

606
00:38:06,135 --> 00:38:07,178
No.

607
00:38:07,261 --> 00:38:09,263
Like, honestly, zero people.

608
00:38:11,098 --> 00:38:15,103
Nadal, you must help me
get back into power.

609
00:38:15,187 --> 00:38:17,022
What? No.
Why would I do that?

610
00:38:17,105 --> 00:38:19,483
I have a perfectly
good job here. I'm a Mac Genius!

611
00:38:20,317 --> 00:38:22,319
What do you do?

612
00:38:24,363 --> 00:38:27,659
Mostly, I clean
semen out of laptops.

613
00:38:28,910 --> 00:38:30,912
Congratulations.
Living the American dream.

614
00:38:31,454 --> 00:38:34,123
Okay, fine. I will help you.
On one condition.

615
00:38:34,207 --> 00:38:35,458
Name it.

616
00:38:35,542 --> 00:38:37,169
You reinstate me
as Head of Nuclear Research,

617
00:38:38,045 --> 00:38:39,547
so I can finish
building my bomb.

618
00:38:39,922 --> 00:38:40,923
Deal.

619
00:38:41,131 --> 00:38:43,384
One last thing.

620
00:38:43,676 --> 00:38:46,136
You will let me build
a round nuclear weapon.

621
00:38:46,554 --> 00:38:48,723
Never. It must be pointy.

622
00:38:49,266 --> 00:38:51,393
- Wait a minute. This is...
- Whoa.

623
00:38:52,602 --> 00:38:55,188
Okay, compromise. Conical.

624
00:38:55,272 --> 00:38:57,023
- Round. Round.
- Teat-shaped.

625
00:38:58,108 --> 00:38:59,360
Okay.

626
00:38:59,527 --> 00:39:00,987
- Okay. Deal.
- Deal.

627
00:39:04,323 --> 00:39:06,158
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

628
00:39:06,242 --> 00:39:09,454
our Supreme Leader
is indisposed to answer your questions

629
00:39:09,746 --> 00:39:13,458
as he is currently
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,

630
00:39:13,750 --> 00:39:15,794
which is scheduled
to be signed

631
00:39:15,878 --> 00:39:18,964
at the Lancaster Penthouse
Ballroom in three days.

632
00:39:19,047 --> 00:39:20,717
Thank you.
No further questions.

633
00:39:34,648 --> 00:39:37,192
There is no way we're going to
get anywhere near this hotel

634
00:39:37,276 --> 00:39:39,653
without a security pass.
This is ridiculous.

635
00:39:40,404 --> 00:39:42,072
- Wait.
- What are you doing?

636
00:39:42,324 --> 00:39:44,326
Hiding from that
lesbian hobbit.

637
00:39:44,826 --> 00:39:45,911
That woman,
you know her?

638
00:39:46,286 --> 00:39:48,121
I cannot begin to tell you
what an honor it is

639
00:39:48,205 --> 00:39:50,081
to be able to provide
all of the catering...

640
00:39:50,165 --> 00:39:51,458
Well, of course.

641
00:39:51,541 --> 00:39:52,834
...and the mafroom
for this signing.

642
00:39:52,918 --> 00:39:54,587
You just paid
this month's rent!

643
00:39:54,795 --> 00:39:56,714
She offered me a job.

644
00:39:56,797 --> 00:39:59,550
Can you imagine that?
Me? Working?

645
00:39:59,717 --> 00:40:03,095
Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only
thing that'll get you past security.

646
00:40:03,179 --> 00:40:04,138
Okay, thanks.

647
00:40:04,223 --> 00:40:05,682
Wait a minute.

648
00:40:06,016 --> 00:40:09,895
Wait, her company is catering the
event. She has a security pass!

649
00:40:10,103 --> 00:40:12,272
That is the answer.
This is the plan.

650
00:40:12,356 --> 00:40:14,858
Okay? You will take that
job and you will work for her.

651
00:40:15,193 --> 00:40:18,029
I will get you
an identical beard and costume.

652
00:40:18,238 --> 00:40:19,530
And then on
the day of the event,

653
00:40:19,614 --> 00:40:22,700
you enter the Lancaster
as a member of her staff.

654
00:40:22,784 --> 00:40:24,786
You will find the double,
switch with him,

655
00:40:24,869 --> 00:40:27,331
then rip up the constitution
in front of the whole world.

656
00:40:27,790 --> 00:40:31,001
Me? Work for that
hairy titted yeti?

657
00:40:48,062 --> 00:40:49,105
Kimberly?

658
00:40:49,939 --> 00:40:50,940
Zoey.

659
00:40:51,148 --> 00:40:52,233
Who cares?

660
00:40:52,692 --> 00:40:55,236
I've come here
to apologize

661
00:40:55,611 --> 00:40:58,907
about some of the comments
I may have made about

662
00:40:59,074 --> 00:41:01,034
Captain Hook and Blackie.

663
00:41:02,995 --> 00:41:03,996
Great!

664
00:41:04,371 --> 00:41:06,623
And I accept your job offer
as general manager.

665
00:41:06,707 --> 00:41:08,750
Well, you can't be the manager,
because I am the manager.

666
00:41:09,084 --> 00:41:10,211
Well, I can
if I killed you.

667
00:41:12,964 --> 00:41:14,966
I think I'm starting
to get you.

668
00:41:15,049 --> 00:41:17,176
All right, then...
I will get you.

669
00:41:18,094 --> 00:41:19,762
Great!
Let's get you to work!

670
00:41:20,263 --> 00:41:21,849
Yeah?
Hold on one second.

671
00:41:22,099 --> 00:41:24,727
Hey, my man!
Excuse me. Hairnet!

672
00:41:24,852 --> 00:41:25,853
Yeah.

673
00:41:26,395 --> 00:41:28,856
I need a little of the
quinoa salad, please,

674
00:41:29,064 --> 00:41:31,860
and throw a couple of
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,

675
00:41:32,068 --> 00:41:34,863
and I kind of need you
to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.

676
00:41:37,991 --> 00:41:38,992
Next!

677
00:41:40,952 --> 00:41:42,872
Whoa, whoa!
Occupied!

678
00:41:42,955 --> 00:41:45,249
Out. I have to clean.
Come on, out you go, out you go.

679
00:41:45,333 --> 00:41:46,626
- What? You're hurting me!
- Out. Come on.

680
00:41:47,001 --> 00:41:50,129
Hey, Allison,
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.

681
00:41:57,221 --> 00:42:00,682
Look! One of the
customers left a tip of

682
00:42:00,974 --> 00:42:05,355
some Nair and some female razors.
Does anybody want to use it?

683
00:42:10,693 --> 00:42:11,819
Stop that.

684
00:42:12,820 --> 00:42:14,113
Suck it, loser.

685
00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:22,456
Clean-up on aisle four!

686
00:42:35,178 --> 00:42:36,763
Hey, buddy, I saw that.

687
00:42:36,846 --> 00:42:39,183
That is very disrespectful
to your leader.

688
00:42:39,392 --> 00:42:40,476
Whatever, dude.
Who are you,

689
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,020
Osama bin Laden's
best friend?

690
00:42:43,187 --> 00:42:45,731
No, he is not
my best friend!

691
00:42:45,940 --> 00:42:47,608
Though he has been staying
in my guest house

692
00:42:47,692 --> 00:42:49,778
ever since they shot
his double last year.

693
00:42:50,946 --> 00:42:52,698
Now the guy won't leave.

694
00:42:52,781 --> 00:42:54,992
I know why this guy's
the most hated man in the world.

695
00:42:55,075 --> 00:42:57,077
You just have to go
to the bathroom after him.

696
00:42:57,202 --> 00:42:59,121
You go to the bathroom
after Osama,

697
00:42:59,204 --> 00:43:01,958
you will realize
the true meaning of terrorism.

698
00:43:21,271 --> 00:43:22,439
Here is the plan.

699
00:43:22,522 --> 00:43:24,274
We're going to take
this helicopter tour

700
00:43:24,357 --> 00:43:26,818
and fly over
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.

701
00:43:27,152 --> 00:43:30,739
Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists

702
00:43:31,072 --> 00:43:33,075
looking at the sights.

703
00:43:33,284 --> 00:43:36,579
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything. It's a great plan, pointy.

704
00:43:37,038 --> 00:43:38,539
Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions.

705
00:43:38,623 --> 00:43:41,459
Don't worry.
I am Wadiya's number one actor.

706
00:43:41,542 --> 00:43:44,212
You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

707
00:43:44,296 --> 00:43:46,632
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself!

708
00:43:47,090 --> 00:43:49,801
My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom

709
00:43:49,885 --> 00:43:50,928
was outstanding.

710
00:43:51,011 --> 00:43:52,387
I give it thumbs down.

711
00:43:52,471 --> 00:43:54,182
Have you seen
You've Got Mail Bomb?

712
00:43:54,682 --> 00:43:57,143
Yes, I've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies!

713
00:43:57,227 --> 00:43:58,603
Listen to me. Okay?

714
00:43:58,978 --> 00:44:00,772
You are a terrible actor.

715
00:44:00,855 --> 00:44:04,984
I urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.

716
00:44:05,069 --> 00:44:06,987
All right, can you
get me a cloak?

717
00:44:07,071 --> 00:44:08,072
Why?

718
00:44:08,155 --> 00:44:09,907
Because I think
my guy would be wearing a cloak.

719
00:44:09,990 --> 00:44:14,203
No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

720
00:44:14,286 --> 00:44:15,287
I need the sheriff's badge.

721
00:44:15,371 --> 00:44:16,790
For what?

722
00:44:16,873 --> 00:44:18,166
You're sheriff
of American douche-town!

723
00:44:18,917 --> 00:44:19,918
That's rude.

724
00:44:20,001 --> 00:44:21,002
Listen.

725
00:44:21,086 --> 00:44:24,965
We're going to walk over
there, act very inconspicuous.

726
00:44:25,423 --> 00:44:26,466
- Okay. No problem.
- This has to work.

727
00:44:26,591 --> 00:44:28,261
Don't worry.
Just relax.

728
00:44:30,930 --> 00:44:32,014
Are you okay?

729
00:44:32,431 --> 00:44:33,432
My guy has a limp.

730
00:44:33,933 --> 00:44:37,019
I fell off me horse
at the old Bull & Bush Pub

731
00:44:37,103 --> 00:44:38,272
because
I am a cockney.

732
00:44:38,438 --> 00:44:39,606
Listen! Listen, okay?

733
00:44:39,773 --> 00:44:42,484
You need to focus up right now
and be prepared

734
00:44:42,651 --> 00:44:44,861
to deliver a small,
subtle performance.

735
00:44:44,945 --> 00:44:46,363
- Okay, great, okay.
- Okay, good.

736
00:44:46,446 --> 00:44:47,990
Okay. So, when
we go to fly...

737
00:44:48,073 --> 00:44:49,742
Don't do that
with your eyes!

738
00:44:49,826 --> 00:44:51,494
You can't be
a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

739
00:44:51,578 --> 00:44:52,870
I'm not chink,
I'm Chinese-American!

740
00:44:52,954 --> 00:44:54,038
No, but you cannot
hold your eyes!

741
00:44:54,122 --> 00:44:55,331
Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American

742
00:44:55,415 --> 00:44:56,374
because you hold
your eyes like that!

743
00:44:56,457 --> 00:44:57,917
It's racist,
what you are doing!

744
00:44:58,001 --> 00:45:00,546
Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's?

745
00:45:00,629 --> 00:45:01,797
They pronounce them
as L's.

746
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,757
So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?

747
00:45:03,841 --> 00:45:04,967
I don't know
how to speak Chinese.

748
00:45:05,050 --> 00:45:07,261
- It's "labbit."
- It's not "labbit"!

749
00:45:07,344 --> 00:45:09,972
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China!

750
00:45:10,055 --> 00:45:11,057
Nobody...
It's stup...

751
00:45:11,141 --> 00:45:12,183
All right, I don't care.
This is stupid, okay?

752
00:45:12,559 --> 00:45:15,228
Okay, I'll do Filipino.
I like to work, I like to talk.

753
00:45:15,312 --> 00:45:16,563
- Don't.
- I like the shit, I do the kids.

754
00:45:16,646 --> 00:45:17,647
Stop that.

755
00:45:18,481 --> 00:45:21,234
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese!

756
00:45:21,777 --> 00:45:23,112
Now who's being a lacist?

757
00:45:23,821 --> 00:45:25,656
- You're being lacist now.
- I'm not being racist!

758
00:45:25,740 --> 00:45:27,408
Right now we have to
get on this helicopter

759
00:45:27,575 --> 00:45:29,660
and we have to act
like true Americans.

760
00:45:29,827 --> 00:45:31,537
I guess you don't want me
to play black then.

761
00:45:32,038 --> 00:45:33,999
Of course I don't want you
to play black.

762
00:45:34,124 --> 00:45:35,834
Okay. Just throwing it
out there.

763
00:45:35,959 --> 00:45:37,502
Okay. Don't.

764
00:45:38,754 --> 00:45:39,838
Okay, don't do that.

765
00:45:39,963 --> 00:45:41,840
- I see what you're doing.
- That's how they walk.

766
00:45:41,924 --> 00:45:42,883
I see what you're doing,
it's not cool.

767
00:45:43,008 --> 00:45:44,010
It's how they walk.

768
00:45:57,691 --> 00:45:59,818
I love being
an Americans!

769
00:46:00,319 --> 00:46:02,404
America is number one!

770
00:46:03,197 --> 00:46:05,199
Oh, I am from U.S.A.!

771
00:46:05,282 --> 00:46:07,661
My father also
from U.S.A.

772
00:46:08,286 --> 00:46:12,123
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad.

773
00:46:13,208 --> 00:46:15,460
I am very proud
to be an American.

774
00:46:15,543 --> 00:46:18,172
I am America's
number one douche.

775
00:46:21,592 --> 00:46:23,511
I've fooled them. Job done.

776
00:46:24,303 --> 00:46:27,139
So, how are things back at the Palace?

777
00:46:27,641 --> 00:46:31,353
Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house?

778
00:46:32,396 --> 00:46:33,397
Ooh, Bin Laden?

779
00:46:34,815 --> 00:46:36,108
Yes, Osama.

780
00:46:36,191 --> 00:46:38,820
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers...

781
00:46:38,903 --> 00:46:42,782
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden?

782
00:46:44,784 --> 00:46:47,787
Hey, do you remember
my favorite sports car?

783
00:46:47,870 --> 00:46:49,415
You mean your Porsche?

784
00:46:49,498 --> 00:46:51,000
Yes... the 911.

785
00:46:51,083 --> 00:46:53,502
911, it's the best!

786
00:46:54,128 --> 00:46:58,090
So I was driving my 911 near the
palace one day...

787
00:46:58,173 --> 00:47:00,385
and I totally crashed!

788
00:47:04,514 --> 00:47:06,766
It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.

789
00:47:06,850 --> 00:47:09,769
A brand new 9112012.

790
00:47:12,231 --> 00:47:15,109
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights...

791
00:47:15,192 --> 00:47:18,321
such as the Empire State Building...

792
00:47:18,404 --> 00:47:21,282
and Yankee Stadium.

793
00:47:21,365 --> 00:47:25,954
And I'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.

794
00:47:30,918 --> 00:47:33,129
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you?

795
00:47:33,212 --> 00:47:36,925
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
I made myself a back brace.

796
00:47:37,008 --> 00:47:41,554
- Really?
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

797
00:47:43,222 --> 00:47:45,601
Hey, my English is getting good...

798
00:47:45,684 --> 00:47:49,313
...I bet I can count down from five
faster than you can!

799
00:47:49,647 --> 00:47:51,565
Five, four,
three, two, one!

800
00:47:57,447 --> 00:47:59,282
Allison! Are you okay?

801
00:47:59,366 --> 00:48:00,825
I... Yes.

802
00:48:00,909 --> 00:48:03,536
You know what?
You people, you make me sick!

803
00:48:03,620 --> 00:48:06,082
You see a Middle Easterner
on an aircraft

804
00:48:06,165 --> 00:48:09,210
and you just assume
that he's hatching some violent plot?

805
00:48:09,293 --> 00:48:13,839
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
dissident, not a murderous madman!

806
00:48:13,923 --> 00:48:16,759
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
the guards at the Lancaster."

807
00:48:16,842 --> 00:48:19,304
Guess what?
We deliver to the Lancaster!

808
00:48:19,388 --> 00:48:20,389
Good one!

809
00:48:20,472 --> 00:48:23,558
Maybe he wanted to
take the guards out for a falafel!

810
00:48:23,642 --> 00:48:24,893
That's a bit
of a stereotype,

811
00:48:24,977 --> 00:48:28,106
but I get the idea.
Great idea! Yeah. You...

812
00:48:28,189 --> 00:48:31,192
You know what?
Is it a crime to care about your job?

813
00:48:31,276 --> 00:48:32,443
Yeah! Well,
it is in Wadiya.

814
00:48:33,069 --> 00:48:36,030
Where did you get your diversity
and sensitivity training, huh?

815
00:48:36,114 --> 00:48:37,323
The Stasi?

816
00:48:37,407 --> 00:48:41,412
Let's see how you feel about racial
profiling when white people...

817
00:48:54,009 --> 00:48:55,552
And I know
what I'm talking about

818
00:48:55,635 --> 00:48:58,179
because I majored
in Fem Lit!

819
00:48:59,014 --> 00:49:00,223
Come on.

820
00:49:01,726 --> 00:49:03,561
Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you going?

821
00:49:03,644 --> 00:49:04,645
Don't worry!

822
00:49:04,729 --> 00:49:06,814
Just suck the fatoot
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.

823
00:49:06,897 --> 00:49:07,898
You're really
fucking me here, man!

824
00:49:10,526 --> 00:49:12,237
The police here
are such fascists!

825
00:49:12,321 --> 00:49:13,447
Yeah, right,
and not in a good way.

826
00:49:13,530 --> 00:49:15,157
It just makes me so mad!

827
00:49:15,240 --> 00:49:17,993
You know, Zoey,
you were great back there.

828
00:49:18,076 --> 00:49:19,703
Thanks. I just...

829
00:49:20,329 --> 00:49:21,872
I don't know,
I just feel so sorry

830
00:49:21,955 --> 00:49:23,333
that wherever
you go in the world,

831
00:49:23,416 --> 00:49:25,084
you're the victim
of police abuse.

832
00:49:25,168 --> 00:49:26,252
Well, not always the victim.

833
00:49:26,419 --> 00:49:30,715
Come here.
I'm just so sorry! You're okay now.

834
00:49:30,965 --> 00:49:32,050
All right?

835
00:49:32,133 --> 00:49:34,511
And I'm not gonna
let anything bad happen to you.

836
00:49:34,595 --> 00:49:36,305
You know what? Let's get you
back to the collective, okay?

837
00:49:37,097 --> 00:49:38,057
Come on.

838
00:49:38,140 --> 00:49:39,141
No, a bit more.

839
00:49:39,767 --> 00:49:41,060
Okay.

840
00:49:41,727 --> 00:49:43,729
- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work.
- I feel so sad!

841
00:49:45,398 --> 00:49:46,483
Let's do another hug, okay?

842
00:49:46,608 --> 00:49:48,276
Allison, why are you sad?

843
00:49:49,444 --> 00:49:50,779
The brutality?

844
00:49:51,071 --> 00:49:52,864
Did you suffer
from sexual abuse?

845
00:49:52,948 --> 00:49:56,077
Yes, they raped me in
a very unprofessional way.

846
00:49:57,453 --> 00:49:59,413
Oh, no.
We have to get you to the Rape Center.

847
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:01,332
You have a center
for rape here?

848
00:50:01,415 --> 00:50:03,668
Great! I'd love to go!
Maybe another time, you know.

849
00:50:03,751 --> 00:50:07,047
Hire a limo, have some
cocktails, bring my raping shoes.

850
00:50:15,722 --> 00:50:17,099
Can you get me that one?

851
00:50:18,309 --> 00:50:19,310
Which one?

852
00:50:19,894 --> 00:50:21,562
The one with
the "fuck-me hooves."

853
00:50:22,355 --> 00:50:24,607
You're bizzare. I'm going to have
to change the channels now.

854
00:50:25,066 --> 00:50:27,860
...tour from hell
for an Ohio couple earlier today when,

855
00:50:28,027 --> 00:50:29,238
...with shades of 9l11,

856
00:50:29,321 --> 00:50:32,366
their helicopter tour
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short

857
00:50:32,449 --> 00:50:36,578
by what police are now
calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"

858
00:50:36,662 --> 00:50:40,500
involving a man named
Emer Gencyexitonly.

859
00:50:41,293 --> 00:50:42,294
Etra.

860
00:50:44,004 --> 00:50:45,171
We have a problem.

861
00:50:50,177 --> 00:50:52,597
Hannah, that guy from the
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,

862
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:54,473
so why don't you take
the mafroom downstairs

863
00:50:54,557 --> 00:50:56,559
and make some sort of
a nice display?

864
00:50:56,684 --> 00:50:59,228
I just want everything
to be perfect.

865
00:50:59,854 --> 00:51:00,938
Zoey?

866
00:51:01,022 --> 00:51:02,190
Allison. Hi.

867
00:51:02,357 --> 00:51:04,943
To thank you for what you did
today at the police station,

868
00:51:05,027 --> 00:51:07,279
I have decided to
bestow upon you a gift.

869
00:51:07,654 --> 00:51:09,990
- That's sweet. What is it?
- Yeah.

870
00:51:17,373 --> 00:51:20,043
I don't know
what that is.

871
00:51:20,209 --> 00:51:22,921
It's fine.
Please, gobble up my little mouse.

872
00:51:23,714 --> 00:51:24,965
Snack on my
tiny raisin.

873
00:51:25,215 --> 00:51:26,675
Give her
a mouth bath. Go.

874
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:30,679
Oh! No!

875
00:51:31,722 --> 00:51:34,225
No, I am not
going to do that.

876
00:51:34,559 --> 00:51:36,770
I'm getting a lot of this
and not much of this...

877
00:51:40,398 --> 00:51:42,609
Listen, I understand
that you're having urges, okay?

878
00:51:42,692 --> 00:51:43,735
Right.

879
00:51:43,818 --> 00:51:46,405
But you need to
take care of them by yourself.

880
00:51:46,697 --> 00:51:48,532
Myself? What? How?

881
00:51:48,741 --> 00:51:50,326
You need to
touch yourself.

882
00:51:50,493 --> 00:51:53,162
I don't touch myself.
Do you touch yourself?

883
00:51:53,537 --> 00:51:55,790
I think most
healthy people do, yes.

884
00:51:55,874 --> 00:51:59,211
Yeah, you touch your own
malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!

885
00:51:59,294 --> 00:52:00,379
Yuck!

886
00:52:00,629 --> 00:52:04,049
Stop joking, all right?
You've never jerked off?

887
00:52:06,051 --> 00:52:07,637
Okay, come with me.

888
00:52:07,720 --> 00:52:09,722
Where are you taking me to?
The Rape Center?

889
00:52:13,768 --> 00:52:15,270
This is silly.

890
00:52:15,603 --> 00:52:16,938
Okay...

891
00:52:17,438 --> 00:52:20,359
Take your penis out
and put it in your hands.

892
00:52:20,442 --> 00:52:21,485
This is silly.

893
00:52:23,445 --> 00:52:27,408
Now, slowly move your hand
up and down.

894
00:52:27,491 --> 00:52:28,575
Okay.

895
00:52:29,411 --> 00:52:31,579
I told you already,
this is...

896
00:52:34,916 --> 00:52:36,084
Wait.

897
00:52:36,543 --> 00:52:38,336
What sorcery is this?

898
00:52:38,420 --> 00:52:41,465
Some people
wait a lifetime

899
00:52:41,549 --> 00:52:46,262
For a moment like this

900
00:52:46,345 --> 00:52:49,599
Some people
wait a lifetime

901
00:52:49,682 --> 00:52:52,603
For a moment like this

902
00:52:52,686 --> 00:52:58,025
Whoa, I can't believe
it's happening to me

903
00:52:58,108 --> 00:53:01,028
Some people
wait a lifetime

904
00:53:01,111 --> 00:53:06,618
For a moment like this

905
00:53:11,247 --> 00:53:15,586
I can't believe
it's happening to me

906
00:53:17,046 --> 00:53:19,840
I did it!
I just jerked it completely off!

907
00:53:19,923 --> 00:53:21,383
I did it all by myself!

908
00:53:21,467 --> 00:53:23,803
With this hand right here!

909
00:53:23,887 --> 00:53:27,098
I grabbed my bilbul
like I was strangling a bird.

910
00:53:27,182 --> 00:53:29,351
And I smacked it
and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,

911
00:53:29,434 --> 00:53:30,769
and out came
my own labeneh!

912
00:53:31,019 --> 00:53:32,020
Zoey?

913
00:53:32,187 --> 00:53:35,775
Zoey! You have
changed my life!

914
00:53:36,317 --> 00:53:40,363
Give a man a vagina
and he will shpichs for a day.

915
00:53:40,696 --> 00:53:44,158
Teach a man to use
his hand as a vagina,

916
00:53:44,367 --> 00:53:46,203
and he will shpichs
for a lifetime.

917
00:53:46,662 --> 00:53:48,789
Oh. No, no. Thank you.

918
00:53:49,831 --> 00:53:52,209
Allison, you may need to keep
your voice down because...

919
00:53:52,751 --> 00:53:55,253
We've got a lot of customers.
You may want to go wash up.

920
00:53:55,337 --> 00:53:56,381
Fine.

921
00:53:56,464 --> 00:53:59,133
Joteph, go and hose down
my Crocs.

922
00:53:59,550 --> 00:54:02,637
I've done my labeneh
all over the wellness center.

923
00:54:07,016 --> 00:54:08,310
Okay.

924
00:54:11,063 --> 00:54:13,691
The guy from the Lancaster
is going to love this.

925
00:54:14,525 --> 00:54:15,526
Okay.

926
00:54:15,859 --> 00:54:17,069
Good night, Allison.

927
00:54:17,361 --> 00:54:18,947
I'll see you
tomorrow morning.

928
00:54:19,155 --> 00:54:21,700
Good night! Thank you again.

929
00:54:26,037 --> 00:54:28,415
This is nice. Or lovely.

930
00:54:33,629 --> 00:54:35,089
- Who is it?
- Nadal.

931
00:54:35,172 --> 00:54:36,215
What are you doing?

932
00:54:36,299 --> 00:54:37,925
I've discovered
this amazing thing.

933
00:54:38,050 --> 00:54:39,844
I have to show you
how to do it.

934
00:54:40,595 --> 00:54:41,763
It's called self juicing.

935
00:54:41,847 --> 00:54:44,850
You put your hand
on your bilbul and you rub it,

936
00:54:44,933 --> 00:54:47,185
and then you can make
your own labeneh come out.

937
00:54:47,269 --> 00:54:48,645
You don't have to
spend any Rolexes.

938
00:54:48,770 --> 00:54:50,564
You don't have to give
any dirty diamonds.

939
00:54:50,647 --> 00:54:53,484
I cannot believe I'm having this
conversation with an adult man.

940
00:54:53,568 --> 00:54:55,153
What do you mean?
You knew about this?

941
00:54:55,278 --> 00:54:56,613
Everybody knows about this.

942
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:00,617
We all know about this
from the age of 12, 13.

943
00:55:00,783 --> 00:55:02,786
Why does nobody
ever tell me anything?

944
00:55:02,953 --> 00:55:05,748
Because you have everybody executed
who tells you anything.

945
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,459
Listen, I'm thinking of
revealing my true identity

946
00:55:08,667 --> 00:55:10,461
to the hairy titted ape woman.

947
00:55:10,544 --> 00:55:12,755
Whoa! No, what?
Why would you even do that?

948
00:55:12,838 --> 00:55:14,382
I think she'll be
cool with it.

949
00:55:14,633 --> 00:55:16,092
She will not be cool with it.

950
00:55:16,217 --> 00:55:19,262
How is she tojudge?
She shaves her armpits once a year,

951
00:55:19,346 --> 00:55:21,973
and she takes lovers
outside of her ethnic group.

952
00:55:22,182 --> 00:55:24,060
Are my crimes any worse
than hers?

953
00:55:24,310 --> 00:55:26,312
Remember, you hate her.

954
00:55:26,562 --> 00:55:28,022
And everything
she stands for.

955
00:55:28,439 --> 00:55:30,399
- Okay.
- I have to go now.

956
00:55:31,734 --> 00:55:32,735
I despise you.

957
00:55:32,944 --> 00:55:34,988
You know, sometimes you say
some very hurtful things.

958
00:55:35,155 --> 00:55:36,657
Anyway, I'm going to
hang up on you.

959
00:55:36,782 --> 00:55:39,660
No, come on. This is
like a real opportunity for me.

960
00:55:39,743 --> 00:55:40,827
I want to hang up first.

961
00:55:40,911 --> 00:55:42,621
I've hung up.
I hung up already.

962
00:55:44,331 --> 00:55:46,584
That is your voice
doing that noise. You have not hung up.

963
00:55:46,668 --> 00:55:48,336
I am hanging up. Click...

964
00:55:49,545 --> 00:55:50,755
Nadal, are you still there?

965
00:55:52,256 --> 00:55:54,509
- Nadal, are you still there?
- I win.

966
00:55:55,385 --> 00:55:56,971
No wonder you're a Mac Genius.

967
00:55:57,846 --> 00:55:59,306
What a fucking idiot.

968
00:56:06,063 --> 00:56:14,114
Zoey!

969
00:56:17,534 --> 00:56:18,703
Zoey.

970
00:56:30,048 --> 00:56:31,049
Zoey?

971
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:34,761
Etra.

972
00:56:36,555 --> 00:56:37,556
Etra...

973
00:57:04,127 --> 00:57:06,588
Etra, is this because
you're the only virgin guard

974
00:57:06,671 --> 00:57:07,839
that I left a virgin?

975
00:58:37,061 --> 00:58:39,647
One, two...

976
00:58:41,734 --> 00:58:42,818
Bloop.

977
00:58:44,403 --> 00:58:45,571
Text book.

978
00:58:47,281 --> 00:58:50,117
Thank you so much
for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.

979
00:58:50,451 --> 00:58:52,203
I cannot wait for you
to sample our mafroom.

980
00:58:52,370 --> 00:58:54,164
You are gonna swear
that you're in Wadiya.

981
00:58:55,165 --> 00:58:57,083
Excuse me.
What is that over there?

982
00:58:57,375 --> 00:58:59,336
That is a "C"
in your window.

983
00:58:59,544 --> 00:59:01,671
No, no, no... They're totally
biased against this. They hate us.

984
00:59:01,755 --> 00:59:03,507
No, it's not.
I know what a "C" means.

985
00:59:03,591 --> 00:59:04,800
It's not a very good...

986
00:59:09,221 --> 00:59:10,389
Oh, my God!

987
00:59:11,557 --> 00:59:13,017
Allison, what happened?

988
00:59:15,729 --> 00:59:17,314
I don't know, I...

989
00:59:17,606 --> 00:59:20,067
I was downstairs
self juicing.

990
00:59:21,860 --> 00:59:22,861
All night?

991
00:59:23,153 --> 00:59:24,154
Yes.

992
00:59:24,321 --> 00:59:25,615
I'm sorry,
you were doing what?

993
00:59:26,074 --> 00:59:27,241
Doing the jerk off.

994
00:59:27,617 --> 00:59:29,369
Jerking myself to totally off.

995
00:59:29,452 --> 00:59:30,995
- I'm sorry?
- Let me show you.

996
00:59:31,204 --> 00:59:32,413
- No.
- She taught me.

997
00:59:32,580 --> 00:59:33,665
Oh, she taught you, did she?

998
00:59:33,748 --> 00:59:36,168
- No...
- Well, thank you very much.

999
00:59:36,335 --> 00:59:37,503
The contract is canceled.

1000
00:59:37,586 --> 00:59:38,587
- That's it!
- No.

1001
00:59:38,671 --> 00:59:40,089
No, I'm going to Green World.
It's over.

1002
00:59:40,255 --> 00:59:41,674
- No, Mr. Ogden.
- Remember, I have to pay that...

1003
00:59:41,757 --> 00:59:44,718
- Please, no, no.
- Self juicing. Filth!

1004
00:59:45,761 --> 00:59:46,846
Oh, my God...

1005
00:59:47,263 --> 00:59:48,348
Zoey...

1006
00:59:48,598 --> 00:59:50,141
We must get
that contract back.

1007
00:59:50,433 --> 00:59:51,601
We can't!

1008
00:59:51,810 --> 00:59:54,729
It's impossible.
We can't compete with Green World.

1009
00:59:55,438 --> 00:59:57,273
We will see about that.

1010
00:59:57,357 --> 01:00:00,486
But from now on,
it is my way

1011
01:00:00,569 --> 01:00:05,241
or the highwahahtmaa-
fferrohshelechnichway.

1012
01:00:05,866 --> 01:00:08,285
There has been
a regime change!

1013
01:00:08,369 --> 01:00:10,706
Yo! You are
stocking the shelves.

1014
01:00:11,123 --> 01:00:13,542
You, senile
Romanian accountant.

1015
01:00:13,625 --> 01:00:15,293
You are on
the cash register.

1016
01:00:15,460 --> 01:00:19,381
The CEO of Green World
does not drive a hybrid!

1017
01:00:21,634 --> 01:00:23,803
The chemicals
in Green World produce

1018
01:00:24,053 --> 01:00:26,222
made this boy
grow tits!

1019
01:00:31,895 --> 01:00:34,064
You promise not
to steal again?

1020
01:00:34,148 --> 01:00:35,816
I won't. I won't!

1021
01:00:36,066 --> 01:00:37,776
Give him one more
for fun, Viktor.

1022
01:00:57,798 --> 01:00:59,216
Good choice.

1023
01:01:13,940 --> 01:01:15,610
Hi, Viktor.

1024
01:01:31,627 --> 01:01:33,212
Supreme Grocer.

1025
01:01:33,295 --> 01:01:35,047
The radicchio
has been washed and sorted,

1026
01:01:35,130 --> 01:01:36,883
and the spray hose
has been tightly coiled.

1027
01:01:36,966 --> 01:01:38,635
Very good. Now go upstairs

1028
01:01:38,718 --> 01:01:40,970
and finish composting
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?

1029
01:01:41,054 --> 01:01:42,305
Yes, Supreme Grocer.

1030
01:01:44,307 --> 01:01:45,642
Zoey!

1031
01:01:45,725 --> 01:01:47,979
What? Look...

1032
01:01:48,604 --> 01:01:49,647
Wow!

1033
01:01:50,272 --> 01:01:51,732
It's amazing!

1034
01:01:51,816 --> 01:01:54,568
Oh, it's not amazing.
It's just a little less shit.

1035
01:01:54,860 --> 01:01:56,654
Well, thank you.

1036
01:01:57,863 --> 01:01:59,616
- Sorry.
- Oh, of course.

1037
01:01:59,700 --> 01:02:02,577
- Personal.
- Thank you. Thank you again.

1038
01:02:04,746 --> 01:02:06,665
- Hello?
- I have some very good news.

1039
01:02:06,748 --> 01:02:07,791
What is it?

1040
01:02:07,874 --> 01:02:11,504
I managed to buy some beards at the
wig store today that are perfect.

1041
01:02:11,587 --> 01:02:13,798
No, Nadal,
it must be real hair.

1042
01:02:13,881 --> 01:02:15,925
- And from the head of a great man!
- What?

1043
01:02:16,009 --> 01:02:17,677
Like Castro or Gandalf.

1044
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:19,012
No...

1045
01:02:21,849 --> 01:02:24,518
Well done, Nadal.
This beard is perfect.

1046
01:02:29,690 --> 01:02:31,776
Those are lovely flowers.

1047
01:02:31,860 --> 01:02:33,778
You know, Zoey is
thinking of opening

1048
01:02:33,862 --> 01:02:36,197
an eco-friendly
flower section to the store.

1049
01:02:36,281 --> 01:02:39,576
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
her today. What is going on?

1050
01:02:39,659 --> 01:02:41,328
The signing
is in two days.

1051
01:02:41,411 --> 01:02:43,247
Tell me you're not
falling for this woman!

1052
01:02:43,706 --> 01:02:46,375
Of course I'm not.
This is silly.

1053
01:02:46,709 --> 01:02:49,712
Okay, good. All we need to do
is slip into this chapel...

1054
01:02:49,795 --> 01:02:50,963
And yet, it's strange.

1055
01:02:51,047 --> 01:02:52,966
The other day,
I asked her to, you know,

1056
01:02:53,050 --> 01:02:55,719
gobble on my bilbul
and she said, "No."

1057
01:02:55,802 --> 01:02:57,804
So obviously
I wanted to execute her.

1058
01:02:57,888 --> 01:03:01,141
But the thought of
her decapitated head actually upset me,

1059
01:03:01,224 --> 01:03:02,976
- so I decided not to do it.
- No.

1060
01:03:03,060 --> 01:03:06,397
When the thought of someone's
decapitated head upsets you,

1061
01:03:06,481 --> 01:03:08,232
that is love.

1062
01:03:08,483 --> 01:03:11,486
- I swear, I don't even like her at all.
- You don't like her?

1063
01:03:11,653 --> 01:03:14,405
She has the body shape
of a 14-year-old boy.

1064
01:03:14,739 --> 01:03:18,494
Well, that is
a particular weakness of yours.

1065
01:03:18,577 --> 01:03:20,496
Need I remind you of
the Menudo incident?

1066
01:03:20,704 --> 01:03:22,456
Those boys had
their eyes open.

1067
01:03:22,539 --> 01:03:23,832
They knew exactly
what they were doing.

1068
01:03:23,916 --> 01:03:25,417
We made them
have their eyes open.

1069
01:03:25,501 --> 01:03:27,671
You made me hold
one of their eyes open,

1070
01:03:27,754 --> 01:03:29,381
so they'd see what
you were doing to them.

1071
01:03:29,964 --> 01:03:32,008
They seemed to be having
a pretty good time.

1072
01:03:32,092 --> 01:03:34,552
They were not.
Those boys were crying.

1073
01:03:34,844 --> 01:03:36,096
Three of them
killed themselves!

1074
01:03:37,098 --> 01:03:38,224
Nothing to do with me.

1075
01:03:38,307 --> 01:03:40,685
Everything to do with you!
A lot of them wrote notes.

1076
01:03:40,768 --> 01:03:43,437
In their suicide notes
they named you by name!

1077
01:03:43,688 --> 01:03:45,981
It's all a rumor.
And you're being silly.

1078
01:03:46,565 --> 01:03:47,901
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1079
01:03:48,193 --> 01:03:49,695
Are you guys
friends of the deceased?

1080
01:03:50,404 --> 01:03:51,780
How do I put this?

1081
01:03:52,030 --> 01:03:53,532
He was my nigger.

1082
01:03:53,865 --> 01:03:55,325
No, that's not
the way to put it.

1083
01:03:55,450 --> 01:03:57,077
- Whoa, whoa!
- No?

1084
01:03:57,327 --> 01:03:58,621
He was my negger.
Nigger. Nagger?

1085
01:03:58,830 --> 01:04:00,039
- No, no, no.
- What is that?

1086
01:04:00,123 --> 01:04:01,416
- Negar. Nigger? Nagur?
- No, no.

1087
01:04:01,499 --> 01:04:02,667
Please stop. Please.

1088
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:03,793
I told you,
before we came in.

1089
01:04:03,876 --> 01:04:06,379
One word, do not say.
Is the exact word you're using now.

1090
01:04:06,462 --> 01:04:07,839
- No, I said Nuga...
- One dozen times.

1091
01:04:08,047 --> 01:04:10,968
Please relate to him that there could be
two funerals today.

1092
01:04:11,093 --> 01:04:13,053
I... Believe me
when I tell you,

1093
01:04:13,178 --> 01:04:16,473
we are here only
to pay our respects to a great man.

1094
01:04:16,724 --> 01:04:18,892
Okay, Eldridge's casket
is laying in the chapel right now.

1095
01:04:19,184 --> 01:04:20,729
We're gonna have the
viewing in a few minutes.

1096
01:04:21,062 --> 01:04:22,230
Thank you very much.

1097
01:04:23,857 --> 01:04:25,233
I love your music,
by the way.

1098
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:26,776
No, it's not.
He's not a musician.

1099
01:04:26,901 --> 01:04:30,780
I'm so, so sorry that
Whitney turned out like she did.

1100
01:04:30,905 --> 01:04:32,158
- It's not Bobby Brown.
- Hey...

1101
01:04:36,829 --> 01:04:39,081
- Go there.
- Okay. Here we go.

1102
01:04:48,717 --> 01:04:49,801
Hello?
Somebody in here?

1103
01:04:49,885 --> 01:04:52,012
Nadal!
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

1104
01:04:52,095 --> 01:04:53,681
- What? Okay, okay, okay!
- Hurry, hurry!

1105
01:04:53,765 --> 01:04:55,266
- Just a moment!
- What you doin' in there?

1106
01:04:55,767 --> 01:04:57,393
Jerking off.

1107
01:04:57,977 --> 01:04:58,978
Open this door!

1108
01:04:59,437 --> 01:05:01,356
- No, no, no!
- Open the door now!

1109
01:05:01,606 --> 01:05:03,941
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

1110
01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:14,620
Why did you
chop off his head?

1111
01:05:14,703 --> 01:05:15,789
You said Plan B!

1112
01:05:15,872 --> 01:05:17,666
Plan B was to have
coffee and regroup,

1113
01:05:17,749 --> 01:05:20,085
it was not to
chop his head off!

1114
01:05:28,135 --> 01:05:29,929
Good morning, Nadal!

1115
01:05:30,805 --> 01:05:33,140
Wake up!
Good morning, Nadal!

1116
01:05:35,685 --> 01:05:37,270
No, no, no, no, no, no!

1117
01:05:37,437 --> 01:05:38,480
Get this away from me!

1118
01:05:38,563 --> 01:05:39,815
You know, me and you
are quite a team.

1119
01:05:39,898 --> 01:05:40,899
No, no.

1120
01:05:40,982 --> 01:05:42,401
You know who else
makes a great team?

1121
01:05:42,484 --> 01:05:44,945
Ebony and ivory

1122
01:05:45,028 --> 01:05:46,446
No, no, no!

1123
01:05:46,571 --> 01:05:47,906
Live together
in perfect harmony

1124
01:05:47,989 --> 01:05:48,991
What is wrong with you?
Get it out of here!

1125
01:05:50,034 --> 01:05:51,035
Good one.

1126
01:05:55,498 --> 01:05:57,458
Splish splash
I was taking a bath!

1127
01:05:58,418 --> 01:06:00,004
No! Get it out of here!

1128
01:06:01,171 --> 01:06:02,840
Oh, that is weird.

1129
01:06:04,341 --> 01:06:09,179
I threw in some carob-covered goji
berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

1130
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:13,935
Thank you. That's very kind of
you. You're a very nice man.

1131
01:06:14,519 --> 01:06:16,521
What the fuck
did you call me?

1132
01:06:17,522 --> 01:06:19,357
I said you were nice!

1133
01:06:24,363 --> 01:06:28,284
Allison! The Lancaster just
called! We got the contract back!

1134
01:06:28,367 --> 01:06:30,453
- Great! Whatever!
- I know!

1135
01:06:30,536 --> 01:06:32,873
Green World is shutting down
their Manhattan store!

1136
01:06:33,206 --> 01:06:35,083
I wonder what
could have happened?

1137
01:06:37,044 --> 01:06:39,129
Be careful with that,
sweetheart. Be careful.

1138
01:06:39,463 --> 01:06:42,215
Oh, yeah, we're going to
have a nice big salad.

1139
01:06:43,051 --> 01:06:44,761
Celebratory cuddle?

1140
01:06:46,387 --> 01:06:47,472
Well done!

1141
01:06:47,638 --> 01:06:49,057
- You smell bad.
- I know.

1142
01:06:49,557 --> 01:06:50,641
Help!

1143
01:06:50,725 --> 01:06:52,935
Somebody help!
My wife is in labor!

1144
01:06:53,269 --> 01:06:54,897
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

1145
01:06:55,064 --> 01:06:57,858
Baby? The ambulance can't
be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?

1146
01:06:57,941 --> 01:06:59,610
I can't hold it!
It's coming out!

1147
01:06:59,902 --> 01:07:01,028
It's coming out!

1148
01:07:01,111 --> 01:07:03,822
Does anyone have
any medical experience?

1149
01:07:04,073 --> 01:07:07,660
I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
for the last 22 years.

1150
01:07:07,952 --> 01:07:09,746
Please.
Please help us. Please.

1151
01:07:09,996 --> 01:07:11,998
- Allison, they need your help. Come on.
- Okay, fine.

1152
01:07:12,624 --> 01:07:13,625
Come on.

1153
01:07:14,125 --> 01:07:15,210
Are you okay?

1154
01:07:16,629 --> 01:07:18,339
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

1155
01:07:18,422 --> 01:07:19,799
Sorry! Old habits die hard.

1156
01:07:20,257 --> 01:07:21,926
All right, I'm going in.

1157
01:07:23,844 --> 01:07:24,887
That's the wrong hole!

1158
01:07:24,970 --> 01:07:26,932
- What?
- You just put your fist up the wrong hole.

1159
01:07:27,099 --> 01:07:28,725
If I had a dollar for
every time I heard that.

1160
01:07:30,602 --> 01:07:31,645
Get it outta there.

1161
01:07:32,354 --> 01:07:34,356
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

1162
01:07:34,523 --> 01:07:36,108
Still my asshole!

1163
01:07:36,358 --> 01:07:37,860
What is wrong
with you, man?

1164
01:07:37,944 --> 01:07:39,404
You just put it in
my asshole again!

1165
01:07:39,487 --> 01:07:40,988
Just go up
from where you are.

1166
01:07:41,698 --> 01:07:44,325
The good news is,
your prostate is completely healthy.

1167
01:07:45,284 --> 01:07:46,953
That's good. That's good.

1168
01:07:47,203 --> 01:07:48,580
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

1169
01:07:52,292 --> 01:07:53,460
Hold on.

1170
01:07:54,795 --> 01:07:55,838
What are you...

1171
01:07:57,881 --> 01:07:59,718
Allison, stop it!
You need two hands!

1172
01:08:00,051 --> 01:08:01,219
But I'm in the middle
of the text.

1173
01:08:01,469 --> 01:08:03,054
It's coming out!

1174
01:08:08,309 --> 01:08:09,686
- Where is that coming from?
- What?

1175
01:08:14,984 --> 01:08:16,986
I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna have to take this call.

1176
01:08:17,194 --> 01:08:18,529
Is there a phone
in my body?

1177
01:08:18,821 --> 01:08:20,156
What are you doing?

1178
01:08:20,281 --> 01:08:21,658
I'm in
the Lincoln Tunnel.

1179
01:08:21,867 --> 01:08:24,202
What? Okay, look.
We need to talk for a minute.

1180
01:08:24,536 --> 01:08:26,496
Hello, Nadal.
Listen, I can't speak now.

1181
01:08:26,580 --> 01:08:28,081
I'll speak to you later,
okay? Bye!

1182
01:08:28,415 --> 01:08:30,333
Stop talking to my vagina!

1183
01:08:31,668 --> 01:08:34,338
Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put
your hand in and help me.

1184
01:08:34,630 --> 01:08:35,882
- What? No...
- Come on! Put it in!

1185
01:08:35,965 --> 01:08:37,675
- No, don't be scared. Put it in.
- Okay. Okay.

1186
01:08:37,925 --> 01:08:39,260
- I'm sorry.
- Put it right there on the right side.

1187
01:08:39,344 --> 01:08:41,262
- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
- Push in.

1188
01:08:42,430 --> 01:08:43,557
I think I feel an arm!

1189
01:08:45,184 --> 01:08:46,185
That's my finger.

1190
01:08:59,574 --> 01:09:02,118
Excuse me. You guys
make a really cute couple together.

1191
01:09:02,202 --> 01:09:03,828
But maybe could you finish doing this

1192
01:09:03,912 --> 01:09:05,873
when you're not elbow-deep
in my pussy!

1193
01:09:06,207 --> 01:09:08,417
Okay, Allison,
you've got the head?

1194
01:09:08,709 --> 01:09:10,461
- I've got the head.
- Okay, it's coming out.

1195
01:09:10,544 --> 01:09:11,587
Come on, push!

1196
01:09:14,048 --> 01:09:16,885
Where are the rebel bases?
Where are the rebel bases?

1197
01:09:17,219 --> 01:09:18,762
Sorry, sorry.

1198
01:09:19,054 --> 01:09:22,015
Wait, I can see the head!
I can see the head!

1199
01:09:22,099 --> 01:09:23,225
I can't push anymore!

1200
01:09:27,730 --> 01:09:30,149
You did it!
You did it!

1201
01:09:38,409 --> 01:09:39,743
I sentence you

1202
01:09:40,077 --> 01:09:41,578
to life.

1203
01:09:44,081 --> 01:09:45,165
It's still attached!

1204
01:09:45,290 --> 01:09:47,251
Sorry. Oh, no.

1205
01:09:47,418 --> 01:09:48,752
- What's wrong?
- I'm sorry.

1206
01:09:48,962 --> 01:09:50,463
It's bad news.

1207
01:09:50,797 --> 01:09:51,923
It's a girl.

1208
01:09:54,050 --> 01:09:55,093
Where's the trash can?

1209
01:09:55,301 --> 01:09:57,303
No, no, no, no!
That's what we wanted!

1210
01:09:57,595 --> 01:09:59,264
We'll take her,
we'll take her.

1211
01:09:59,347 --> 01:10:00,349
Oh, baby.

1212
01:10:04,854 --> 01:10:07,690
You were so
amazing down there.

1213
01:10:08,024 --> 01:10:10,109
You saved
a little person's life.

1214
01:10:19,286 --> 01:10:20,871
It feels so nice
to kiss you.

1215
01:10:20,954 --> 01:10:22,373
I know. It's nice
to kiss you, too.

1216
01:10:22,457 --> 01:10:23,958
I love the hugging.

1217
01:10:24,375 --> 01:10:25,793
I just came.

1218
01:10:29,047 --> 01:10:30,548
I don't care.

1219
01:10:31,924 --> 01:10:33,052
Lie back.

1220
01:10:33,135 --> 01:10:34,178
Okay.

1221
01:10:34,261 --> 01:10:35,929
This is going to be
amazing for you.

1222
01:10:36,013 --> 01:10:37,347
Okay!

1223
01:10:50,487 --> 01:10:51,946
You have such
a small stomach.

1224
01:10:52,113 --> 01:10:54,407
It's like
a 10-year-old boy's.

1225
01:10:56,327 --> 01:10:58,954
Normally, I don't kiss
a 10-year-old boy's stomach.

1226
01:10:59,163 --> 01:11:00,373
They kiss mine.

1227
01:11:01,749 --> 01:11:02,750
See you in 15 minutes.

1228
01:11:06,171 --> 01:11:07,214
Okay.

1229
01:11:16,264 --> 01:11:17,600
Wait, wait.

1230
01:11:17,934 --> 01:11:19,268
Wait.

1231
01:11:21,229 --> 01:11:23,398
Allison,
before we go any further,

1232
01:11:24,273 --> 01:11:26,359
there's something
that I want to tell you.

1233
01:11:26,609 --> 01:11:29,196
You've got a dick.
I knew it.

1234
01:11:29,947 --> 01:11:32,074
Allison,
I don't have a dick.

1235
01:11:32,324 --> 01:11:33,575
Great!

1236
01:11:33,951 --> 01:11:36,328
And I've never been
with a guy with a dick.

1237
01:11:36,537 --> 01:11:37,830
Or any guy.

1238
01:11:39,499 --> 01:11:40,542
Or boys.

1239
01:11:42,711 --> 01:11:43,878
Just girls.

1240
01:11:45,255 --> 01:11:46,339
And children.

1241
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:49,677
Not male ones.
Female ones.

1242
01:11:53,347 --> 01:11:55,599
What I wanted to
tell you was this.

1243
01:11:55,683 --> 01:11:58,853
I really want
to be with you, Allison Burgers.

1244
01:11:59,687 --> 01:12:00,939
Zoey,

1245
01:12:02,733 --> 01:12:04,818
I'm not really
Allison Burgers.

1246
01:12:05,902 --> 01:12:08,572
I'm actually
a little somebody called

1247
01:12:09,573 --> 01:12:11,576
Admiral General

1248
01:12:12,285 --> 01:12:13,536
Aladeen.

1249
01:12:17,957 --> 01:12:20,126
No, what's your real name?

1250
01:12:20,334 --> 01:12:22,086
Wait, this will
convince you.

1251
01:12:23,922 --> 01:12:24,965
Look, it's me!

1252
01:12:25,883 --> 01:12:29,053
The weapons inspectors
will bathe in their own blood!

1253
01:12:30,471 --> 01:12:31,930
That's your beard?

1254
01:12:32,014 --> 01:12:34,059
No, no, no!
It's not my beard.

1255
01:12:34,142 --> 01:12:36,186
My friend chopped the head
off Morgan Freeman.

1256
01:12:36,644 --> 01:12:38,938
It's a hilarious story.
I'll tell you later, okay?

1257
01:12:39,481 --> 01:12:42,776
You are out of your mind.
You're insane!

1258
01:12:42,942 --> 01:12:45,863
Well, you download songs
illegally from the Internet.

1259
01:12:46,405 --> 01:12:47,948
So let's not
throw stones, okay?

1260
01:12:48,699 --> 01:12:50,034
You're a murderer!

1261
01:12:50,368 --> 01:12:52,411
No, no, no!
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.

1262
01:12:52,495 --> 01:12:55,749
You were just using me
to get access to that hotel!

1263
01:12:55,832 --> 01:12:57,042
No!

1264
01:12:57,125 --> 01:13:00,712
Zoey, I'm attracted to you
in a really fucked-up way.

1265
01:13:01,213 --> 01:13:03,215
Oh, my God!

1266
01:13:03,548 --> 01:13:06,094
I'm canceling that
contract tomorrow!

1267
01:13:06,552 --> 01:13:08,805
No, Zoey! What have
I ever done wrong?

1268
01:13:09,055 --> 01:13:11,057
You lied to me!

1269
01:13:11,140 --> 01:13:13,559
And you're wanted
for war crimes!

1270
01:13:13,643 --> 01:13:15,228
That stuff never sticks.

1271
01:13:15,812 --> 01:13:17,523
You need to leave now.

1272
01:13:18,565 --> 01:13:22,027
You have broken my heart
into Aladeen pieces.

1273
01:13:44,635 --> 01:13:47,012
With the signing of the
constitution tomorrow morning,

1274
01:13:47,096 --> 01:13:49,598
democracy in Wadiya
is just hours away,

1275
01:13:49,682 --> 01:13:52,018
and people are
in the streets celebrating.

1276
01:13:52,310 --> 01:13:56,356
Kill Aladeen,
kill Aladeen, hey!

1277
01:14:00,694 --> 01:14:02,530
What do you think of
Admiral General Aladeen?

1278
01:14:02,655 --> 01:14:04,574
We hate him. We hate him.

1279
01:14:04,699 --> 01:14:07,201
You know,
when we think ofhim, we...

1280
01:14:07,535 --> 01:14:09,871
We vomit, and we spit
and we don't want him.

1281
01:14:10,079 --> 01:14:12,207
What would you say to General
Aladeen ifhe were watching this?

1282
01:14:12,416 --> 01:14:14,084
I have a message
forAladeen.

1283
01:14:14,585 --> 01:14:15,794
Suevel.

1284
01:14:16,003 --> 01:14:18,547
Suevel. Suevel.

1285
01:14:37,568 --> 01:14:39,153
- Good-bye!
- Stop, stop, wait!

1286
01:14:39,236 --> 01:14:40,237
What are you doing?

1287
01:14:41,572 --> 01:14:42,573
How did you find me?

1288
01:14:43,157 --> 01:14:45,243
You texted me, like,
seven times.

1289
01:14:47,162 --> 01:14:48,830
I am executing myself!

1290
01:14:49,164 --> 01:14:50,499
What? Why?

1291
01:14:50,665 --> 01:14:52,209
Because no one
has ever loved me!

1292
01:14:52,584 --> 01:14:54,628
Your father would
be ashamed of you!

1293
01:14:54,711 --> 01:14:57,340
No, I've realized
I don't want to be like my father!

1294
01:14:57,423 --> 01:14:59,967
In fact,
I don't want to be a dictator anymore!

1295
01:15:00,051 --> 01:15:01,219
What's that now?

1296
01:15:01,427 --> 01:15:04,222
I've been on a spiritual journey,
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.

1297
01:15:05,473 --> 01:15:07,142
Have you gone insane?

1298
01:15:07,393 --> 01:15:09,436
I now know that
on the outside,

1299
01:15:09,520 --> 01:15:10,896
I am a bit of
a cocksucker.

1300
01:15:11,188 --> 01:15:14,066
- Yeah.
- But deep down I'm nice.

1301
01:15:14,316 --> 01:15:16,652
- Not really.
- Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom.

1302
01:15:16,944 --> 01:15:19,072
Hard and spiky
on the outside,

1303
01:15:19,155 --> 01:15:21,241
but soft and
really mushy on the in.

1304
01:15:21,449 --> 01:15:24,786
You're not like
mafroom at all. You're like an onion.

1305
01:15:25,078 --> 01:15:27,038
An outer layer
of cocksucker,

1306
01:15:27,122 --> 01:15:28,541
and when you
peel it away,

1307
01:15:28,624 --> 01:15:31,335
there is 10 more layers
of cocksucker underneath.

1308
01:15:33,462 --> 01:15:34,797
You are such a schmuck!

1309
01:15:35,089 --> 01:15:37,633
- Why are you speaking Yiddish?
- I picked it up.

1310
01:15:37,758 --> 01:15:40,220
What do you mean,
"I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?

1311
01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:41,471
I'm in New York!

1312
01:15:41,555 --> 01:15:43,807
We're trying to erase
that country off the map!

1313
01:15:43,890 --> 01:15:45,976
I don't like the people,
but I like the way that

1314
01:15:46,059 --> 01:15:48,729
their words really sound like
what they're meant to be.

1315
01:15:48,812 --> 01:15:51,649
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the
Evite to your bar mitzvah?

1316
01:15:51,733 --> 01:15:52,900
Oh, my God!

1317
01:15:52,984 --> 01:15:55,027
You've got real
chutzpah saying that!

1318
01:15:55,111 --> 01:15:57,321
Look, where has being
a nice guy gotten you, huh?

1319
01:15:57,613 --> 01:15:59,824
Standing on the edge
of a bridge about to commit suicide?

1320
01:15:59,907 --> 01:16:00,992
Still wearing Crocs?

1321
01:16:01,660 --> 01:16:03,078
What's wrong with Crocs?

1322
01:16:03,162 --> 01:16:06,165
They are the universal symbol of a
man who has given up hope!

1323
01:16:07,291 --> 01:16:09,251
You might as well
put sweatpants on

1324
01:16:09,334 --> 01:16:11,253
and go to Applebee's
for the rest of your life!

1325
01:16:12,297 --> 01:16:14,257
I'll give you that one.
I do look ridiculous.

1326
01:16:14,340 --> 01:16:18,178
Yes! Listen, if you won't
come down from there for yourself,

1327
01:16:18,261 --> 01:16:19,512
do it for your country.

1328
01:16:19,679 --> 01:16:21,431
If this constitution
is signed,

1329
01:16:21,514 --> 01:16:24,727
there will be free press,
women drivers, civil rights!

1330
01:16:24,935 --> 01:16:26,020
What are "civil rights"?

1331
01:16:26,312 --> 01:16:28,564
I'll tell you later.
They're hilarious.

1332
01:16:29,065 --> 01:16:32,526
Look, you alone can stop
these terrible things from happening.

1333
01:16:32,818 --> 01:16:35,405
You are the last
great dictator!

1334
01:16:35,822 --> 01:16:37,991
All of the others
are gone! Qaddafi,

1335
01:16:38,200 --> 01:16:40,702
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.

1336
01:16:42,746 --> 01:16:44,206
You are right, Nadal.

1337
01:16:44,664 --> 01:16:46,751
I will become
the greatest dictator of all,

1338
01:16:46,834 --> 01:16:48,836
the envy of madmen
everywhere!

1339
01:16:49,045 --> 01:16:50,630
Yes, Supreme Leader!

1340
01:16:50,713 --> 01:16:54,092
From the mountaintops of North Korea
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,

1341
01:16:54,175 --> 01:16:58,430
let every child laborer
and sweatshop factory worker sing,

1342
01:16:58,514 --> 01:17:01,183
"Oppressed at last!
Oppressed at last!

1343
01:17:01,558 --> 01:17:04,353
"Thank Aladeen,
I am oppressed at last!"

1344
01:17:04,436 --> 01:17:05,604
Yes! Whoa!

1345
01:17:05,687 --> 01:17:06,981
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

1346
01:17:07,065 --> 01:17:08,441
- No, no, no, no, don't fall.
- I'm not doing anything.

1347
01:17:08,525 --> 01:17:11,194
Just do like a pull-up.
You know how you do pull-ups?

1348
01:17:11,277 --> 01:17:12,487
I invented the pull-up.

1349
01:17:16,783 --> 01:17:19,870
If you're just joining us, we
are at the Lancaster Hotel,

1350
01:17:19,954 --> 01:17:21,664
where in about 20 minutes,

1351
01:17:23,749 --> 01:17:25,584
General Aladeen will be signing the
new Wadiyan constitution.

1352
01:17:25,668 --> 01:17:27,503
Dignitaries from
around the world

1353
01:17:27,586 --> 01:17:30,507
are arriving now to witness
the creation of a democracy

1354
01:17:30,590 --> 01:17:33,385
that will undoubtedly change
the political landscape

1355
01:17:33,468 --> 01:17:35,178
of the entire region.

1356
01:17:35,429 --> 01:17:38,432
As Wadiya goes,
so goes North Africa.

1357
01:17:44,939 --> 01:17:47,734
Eddie Norton, next time,
you pee on me.

1358
01:17:48,025 --> 01:17:49,110
Whatever.

1359
01:17:49,444 --> 01:17:51,447
And tell Viggo Mortensen
he is on my radar.

1360
01:17:53,907 --> 01:17:56,285
How do you say,
"Fly is in the soup"?

1361
01:17:56,368 --> 01:17:58,203
Gentlemen, Tamir.

1362
01:17:58,579 --> 01:18:00,706
Let me introduce you
to my beautiful wife.

1363
01:18:01,248 --> 01:18:03,668
Mrs. Lao, it is my
very great pleasure.

1364
01:18:03,752 --> 01:18:05,920
No, no, no, no.
She does not speak English.

1365
01:18:06,004 --> 01:18:07,213
Watch this.

1366
01:18:07,922 --> 01:18:09,549
You ugly horse!

1367
01:18:10,216 --> 01:18:11,259
She doesn't know.

1368
01:18:11,885 --> 01:18:16,056
"Ohhh." See?
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.

1369
01:18:16,599 --> 01:18:18,267
Shaved ape.

1370
01:18:18,851 --> 01:18:19,894
"Ohhh."

1371
01:18:33,408 --> 01:18:36,412
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
across to the Lancaster?

1372
01:18:36,662 --> 01:18:37,747
Absolutely.

1373
01:18:37,830 --> 01:18:39,165
- Where'd you get that?
- I built it.

1374
01:18:39,582 --> 01:18:41,834
When I was going
to assassinate you.

1375
01:18:42,251 --> 01:18:43,336
You mean my double.

1376
01:18:46,006 --> 01:18:47,382
Sure. Yeah.

1377
01:18:55,140 --> 01:18:57,060
Bingo!

1378
01:19:00,105 --> 01:19:01,106
Love it!

1379
01:19:01,189 --> 01:19:02,232
- Here's what you do.
- Okay.

1380
01:19:02,315 --> 01:19:05,318
Zipline across,
kill the double,

1381
01:19:05,402 --> 01:19:07,988
and then rip up the constitution in
front of the world's media.

1382
01:19:08,072 --> 01:19:09,073
Piece of cake.

1383
01:19:23,463 --> 01:19:25,715
Hello, Lancaster!

1384
01:19:34,684 --> 01:19:35,977
I don't understand
what has happened.

1385
01:19:36,060 --> 01:19:38,146
My calculations
were very precise.

1386
01:19:38,813 --> 01:19:40,774
If you lose enough weight,
then the zipline will work.

1387
01:19:40,858 --> 01:19:42,568
Do you have anything
in your pockets?

1388
01:19:42,651 --> 01:19:44,319
Let me check.

1389
01:19:47,281 --> 01:19:48,490
What is that?

1390
01:19:48,574 --> 01:19:49,867
It's Vita Coco water.

1391
01:19:50,492 --> 01:19:51,995
Why do you have
Vita Coco water?

1392
01:19:52,078 --> 01:19:54,748
Because it has
as much potassium as three bananas.

1393
01:19:54,831 --> 01:19:56,416
The line is
still too heavy.

1394
01:19:56,499 --> 01:19:58,918
Is there anything else in your pockets
that could be weighing you down?

1395
01:20:00,920 --> 01:20:03,758
You're kidding. So then why did
you bring three bananas?

1396
01:20:03,841 --> 01:20:07,470
Because I don't trust the
advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.

1397
01:20:08,095 --> 01:20:10,598
Is there anything else you're
carrying? You're still too heavy.

1398
01:20:10,681 --> 01:20:11,807
Just this.

1399
01:20:13,643 --> 01:20:14,770
What is that, a brick?

1400
01:20:14,853 --> 01:20:17,272
All this time you've had a
brick? Why do you have that?

1401
01:20:17,355 --> 01:20:19,274
Well, to balance out
the weight from the other one.

1402
01:20:19,357 --> 01:20:20,609
You have two bricks?

1403
01:20:20,692 --> 01:20:21,735
Yes!

1404
01:20:21,818 --> 01:20:23,320
Throw them down
immediately!

1405
01:20:27,867 --> 01:20:30,328
Oh, my God!
There's a little goat eating the wire!

1406
01:20:33,372 --> 01:20:35,209
You need to lose
weight immediately!

1407
01:20:35,542 --> 01:20:38,170
My pockets are empty.
I could poo.

1408
01:20:38,545 --> 01:20:40,130
That won't be enough
to make a difference.

1409
01:20:40,214 --> 01:20:42,758
Yes, it will.
I haven't gone since Wadiya.

1410
01:20:42,841 --> 01:20:45,469
Losing power
has stopped me up like a cork.

1411
01:20:45,552 --> 01:20:46,846
Hurry!

1412
01:20:46,930 --> 01:20:49,516
Come on, Supreme Leader!
Make it rain! Make it rain!

1413
01:20:51,101 --> 01:20:53,353
It's out!
And it's pointy!

1414
01:20:54,395 --> 01:20:55,688
Somebody stop that man!

1415
01:20:57,525 --> 01:20:58,567
Yes!

1416
01:20:59,902 --> 01:21:01,112
What? No, no, no, no!

1417
01:21:01,904 --> 01:21:02,905
No, no, no!

1418
01:21:27,181 --> 01:21:28,724
Supreme Leader!

1419
01:21:32,104 --> 01:21:34,273
Get out of here
before Tamir kills you.

1420
01:21:35,023 --> 01:21:36,108
Who is Tamir?

1421
01:21:36,525 --> 01:21:37,901
Tamir...

1422
01:21:37,985 --> 01:21:40,697
The bald bastard
who did all these terrible things to us!

1423
01:21:41,489 --> 01:21:43,199
I thought
his name was Dennis.

1424
01:21:44,743 --> 01:21:49,414
How would you
even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?

1425
01:21:50,623 --> 01:21:52,626
- Go on, get out! Get out!
- Come on, Montzi!

1426
01:21:52,710 --> 01:21:53,711
Quick!

1427
01:21:56,922 --> 01:21:58,466
Just jump.
It's not that far.

1428
01:21:59,633 --> 01:22:00,885
Efawadh.

1429
01:22:00,968 --> 01:22:02,637
It is almost time.

1430
01:22:05,474 --> 01:22:07,809
I like goats.

1431
01:22:08,977 --> 01:22:11,438
I am very stupid.

1432
01:22:13,356 --> 01:22:15,485
This is
an historic moment.

1433
01:22:15,568 --> 01:22:18,404
Admiral General
Aladeen of Wadiya

1434
01:22:18,488 --> 01:22:19,989
is going to be signing

1435
01:22:20,072 --> 01:22:23,743
the first democratic
constitution in the history of his nation.

1436
01:22:23,826 --> 01:22:27,790
Across the globe,
people are glued to their television sets.

1437
01:22:27,873 --> 01:22:30,459
The people of Wadiya
are celebrating

1438
01:22:30,542 --> 01:22:33,378
what will be
a new chapter in their country.

1439
01:22:34,213 --> 01:22:37,133
Just moments away now
from putting his signature

1440
01:22:37,217 --> 01:22:39,594
on the first
democratic constitution.

1441
01:22:40,345 --> 01:22:43,181
That's Tamir Mafraad,
Aladeen's trusted advisor,

1442
01:22:43,264 --> 01:22:46,267
sharing a lighthearted moment with
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.

1443
01:22:46,351 --> 01:22:48,229
Any thoughts on
what they might be saying, Mike?

1444
01:22:48,312 --> 01:22:51,190
I thought I made out
the words "Harvey Keitel."

1445
01:22:53,776 --> 01:22:55,402
Don't know
what that meant.

1446
01:22:55,486 --> 01:22:58,240
Maybe they shared
a hot dog together, I'm thinking?

1447
01:22:58,323 --> 01:23:02,702
That would make sense. He's wiping the
mustard off his face and chest.

1448
01:23:02,786 --> 01:23:04,079
Excuse me!

1449
01:23:04,162 --> 01:23:05,622
You have to let me in.
You don't understand.

1450
01:23:05,705 --> 01:23:07,374
He's trying to
stop the signing!

1451
01:23:07,457 --> 01:23:09,001
Tamir is now speaking.

1452
01:23:09,085 --> 01:23:10,086
Today,

1453
01:23:10,795 --> 01:23:12,547
we begin a new era.

1454
01:23:13,089 --> 01:23:16,134
Wadiya will be
open to the world.

1455
01:23:16,217 --> 01:23:17,802
Open to the future.

1456
01:23:17,885 --> 01:23:19,388
And open for business.

1457
01:23:20,889 --> 01:23:24,309
The document is
ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.

1458
01:23:32,902 --> 01:23:35,655
What are you doing?
This man is an imposter!

1459
01:23:35,738 --> 01:23:40,201
No! This traitor tried to kill me
and had my beard removed!

1460
01:23:40,285 --> 01:23:42,496
Look!

1461
01:23:42,580 --> 01:23:44,999
Arrest the viper Tamir!

1462
01:23:45,082 --> 01:23:46,792
And now in another

1463
01:23:46,876 --> 01:23:50,504
amazing turn of events,
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.

1464
01:23:50,588 --> 01:23:53,133
This constitution

1465
01:23:53,216 --> 01:23:55,886
is nothing
but a license for oil companies

1466
01:23:55,969 --> 01:23:59,473
and foreign interests
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!

1467
01:23:59,556 --> 01:24:03,227
Wadiya will remain
a dictatorship!

1468
01:24:12,987 --> 01:24:14,364
Oh, be quiet.

1469
01:24:14,740 --> 01:24:17,743
Why are you guys
so anti dictators?

1470
01:24:17,993 --> 01:24:20,829
Imagine if America
was a dictatorship.

1471
01:24:21,205 --> 01:24:25,418
You could let 1 % of the people
have all the nation's wealth.

1472
01:24:25,752 --> 01:24:27,212
You could help
your rich friends

1473
01:24:27,295 --> 01:24:29,839
get richer by
cutting their taxes

1474
01:24:29,923 --> 01:24:33,176
and bailing them out
when they gamble and lose.

1475
01:24:33,635 --> 01:24:37,932
You could ignore the needs of the poor
for health care and education.

1476
01:24:38,015 --> 01:24:39,683
Your media
would appear free

1477
01:24:39,767 --> 01:24:43,896
but would secretly be controlled
by one person and his family.

1478
01:24:43,979 --> 01:24:48,235
You could wiretap phones,
you could torture foreign prisoners.

1479
01:24:48,318 --> 01:24:50,487
You could have
rigged elections.

1480
01:24:50,570 --> 01:24:52,656
You could lie about
why you go to war.

1481
01:24:53,198 --> 01:24:54,991
You could fill your prisons

1482
01:24:55,075 --> 01:24:58,704
with one particular racial group
and no one would complain!

1483
01:24:59,038 --> 01:25:02,416
You could use the media
to scare the people

1484
01:25:02,500 --> 01:25:06,420
into supporting policies
that are against their interests.

1485
01:25:06,504 --> 01:25:09,883
I know this is hard
for you Americans to imagine,

1486
01:25:09,967 --> 01:25:11,927
but please try.

1487
01:25:12,010 --> 01:25:14,263
I will tell you
what democracy is!

1488
01:25:14,680 --> 01:25:16,807
Democracy is the worst!

1489
01:25:16,890 --> 01:25:19,811
Endless talking
and listening to every stupid opinion!

1490
01:25:19,894 --> 01:25:21,980
And everybody's
vote counts,

1491
01:25:22,063 --> 01:25:25,733
no matter how
crippled or black or female they are.

1492
01:25:26,651 --> 01:25:28,027
Democracy...

1493
01:25:34,785 --> 01:25:36,078
Democracy

1494
01:25:37,455 --> 01:25:41,585
has hairy armpits
and could lose five pounds.

1495
01:25:42,794 --> 01:25:46,089
Democracy looks like
a midget in a chemo wig.

1496
01:25:47,466 --> 01:25:50,886
Democracy, your mother
called the other day

1497
01:25:51,011 --> 01:25:52,137
and I forgot to
give you the message.

1498
01:25:52,262 --> 01:25:56,350
It was something very important
about your grandmother.

1499
01:25:58,060 --> 01:26:00,688
Democracy kisses you
because she wants to,

1500
01:26:00,772 --> 01:26:04,651
not because her father
is in the next room chained to a radiator

1501
01:26:04,735 --> 01:26:06,862
with electrodes
attached to his nipples.

1502
01:26:07,696 --> 01:26:12,034
Democracy is flawed!
She is not perfect!

1503
01:26:12,701 --> 01:26:14,203
But democracy,

1504
01:26:17,749 --> 01:26:18,750
I love you.

1505
01:26:19,876 --> 01:26:22,962
And that is
why I call for real democracy!

1506
01:26:23,046 --> 01:26:24,839
A real constitution!

1507
01:26:24,923 --> 01:26:26,884
And real elections
in Wadiya!

1508
01:26:33,516 --> 01:26:35,518
Oh, no!

1509
01:26:36,394 --> 01:26:37,562
Come on!

1510
01:26:44,444 --> 01:26:47,615
Democracy,
I will make you one of my wives.

1511
01:26:48,699 --> 01:26:51,119
Okay, only wife.
We'll vote on it.

1512
01:26:51,744 --> 01:26:53,663
I'll shave
my armpits for you.

1513
01:26:53,746 --> 01:26:55,832
Praise be to the Creator!

1514
01:26:55,915 --> 01:26:58,335
And please stop using
that organic deodorant.

1515
01:26:58,418 --> 01:27:00,629
You could gas the Kurds
with that stench.

1516
01:27:27,783 --> 01:27:29,702
You died
protecting me, Efawadh.

1517
01:27:30,453 --> 01:27:31,455
Hello!

1518
01:27:31,746 --> 01:27:32,747
You are alive?

1519
01:27:32,956 --> 01:27:35,917
Of course!
It is my job to be shot in the head.

1520
01:27:39,588 --> 01:27:41,465
- Is he okay?
- He's fine.

1521
01:27:41,548 --> 01:27:44,135
Luckily the bullet
hit him in the brain.

1522
01:27:45,261 --> 01:27:47,096
So,

1523
01:27:48,556 --> 01:27:49,599
what now?

1524
01:27:49,891 --> 01:27:53,228
I return to Wadiya
to participate in fair elections.

1525
01:28:05,200 --> 01:28:08,745
Let's now look back
at the wonderful events of the past year.

1526
01:28:08,828 --> 01:28:11,623
After Wadiya's
first free elections,

1527
01:28:11,706 --> 01:28:14,667
President Prime Minister
Admiral General Aladeen

1528
01:28:14,751 --> 01:28:17,338
won 98. 8 % of the vote.

1529
01:28:19,882 --> 01:28:23,469
But the big story today is the
marriage of President Prime Minister

1530
01:28:23,552 --> 01:28:27,307
Admiral General Aladeen
and his new bride, Zoey.

1531
01:28:31,561 --> 01:28:34,189
I now pronounce you
man and wife.

1532
01:28:44,033 --> 01:28:46,244
Are you okay, my love?
What did you step on?

1533
01:28:46,327 --> 01:28:47,620
Oh, yes! No, no.

1534
01:28:47,703 --> 01:28:51,375
It's my people's tradition.
We always smash a glass at weddings.

1535
01:28:51,458 --> 01:28:53,293
- I'm Jewish!
- What?

1536
01:28:53,377 --> 01:28:54,670
Mazel tov!

1537
01:28:59,676 --> 01:29:00,718
Are you okay?

1538
01:29:01,719 --> 01:29:04,389
That's fine.
I don't mind. It's great!

1539
01:29:04,848 --> 01:29:06,558
Come here, my love.

1540
01:29:26,288 --> 01:29:28,165
Jachnoon, President
Prime Minister Aladeen.

1541
01:29:28,248 --> 01:29:31,544
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back
at the palace in an hour.

1542
01:29:31,627 --> 01:29:33,921
Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.

1543
01:29:34,338 --> 01:29:35,339
I have great news.

1544
01:29:35,423 --> 01:29:38,217
We are just days
away from testing the new missiles.

1545
01:29:38,301 --> 01:29:40,261
I have re-engineered
the oxidizing ducts

1546
01:29:40,344 --> 01:29:41,804
and the payload
delivery systems.

1547
01:29:41,888 --> 01:29:46,602
But you'll be happy to know,
the missile is now pointy!

1548
01:29:47,853 --> 01:29:49,813
Who cares if it's pointy?

1549
01:29:49,897 --> 01:29:51,064
What?

1550
01:29:51,565 --> 01:29:53,860
You do.
You care if it's pointy.

1551
01:29:53,943 --> 01:29:55,612
Why would I care
about such a trivial detail?

1552
01:29:55,695 --> 01:29:57,947
Are you serious?
Are you serious right now?

1553
01:29:58,031 --> 01:29:59,032
Of course I'm serious.

1554
01:29:59,115 --> 01:30:00,575
That's why you
had me executed!

1555
01:30:00,658 --> 01:30:03,953
The shape of the missile has nothing to
do with the payload delivery.

1556
01:30:04,037 --> 01:30:06,457
That's what I said!
That's what I said the first time!

1557
01:30:06,540 --> 01:30:07,958
No, that's what I said,
and you went crazy.

1558
01:30:08,042 --> 01:30:10,252
No! You said
Professor Popeye this...

1559
01:30:10,419 --> 01:30:12,171
Professor Popeye
is a cartoon.

1560
01:30:12,296 --> 01:30:13,547
No, I know this!

1561
01:30:18,220 --> 01:30:21,389
So, we're opening
300 Women's Centers,

1562
01:30:21,640 --> 01:30:25,560
but I'm going to have to take a
break for a little bit because

1563
01:30:26,228 --> 01:30:27,605
I'm pregnant.

1564
01:30:27,688 --> 01:30:28,856
What?

1565
01:30:32,568 --> 01:30:35,071
Are you having a boy
or an abortion?

1566
01:30:58,638 --> 01:30:59,682
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1567
01:30:59,765 --> 01:31:01,308
Are you guys friends
of the deceased?

1568
01:31:01,392 --> 01:31:04,186
Do you want me to say this
in front of his widow?

1569
01:31:04,270 --> 01:31:05,312
I was his lover.

1570
01:31:05,396 --> 01:31:06,897
No. That is
not true.

1571
01:31:07,314 --> 01:31:09,316
I saw him perform
with the Globetrotters.

1572
01:31:09,400 --> 01:31:11,903
I thought
he was outstanding. I befriended him.

1573
01:31:11,987 --> 01:31:14,114
No, it's
a different person.

1574
01:31:14,197 --> 01:31:17,534
His message
of don't worry and being happy

1575
01:31:17,617 --> 01:31:18,785
was so powerful.

1576
01:31:18,869 --> 01:31:21,122
No, this is
Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.

1577
01:31:21,205 --> 01:31:23,458
Whatever the scandal
you went through,

1578
01:31:23,541 --> 01:31:25,376
you're still
the best golfer in the world.

1579
01:31:25,460 --> 01:31:26,627
Let's go.

1580
01:31:28,171 --> 01:31:29,547
O-M-G.

1581
01:31:30,631 --> 01:31:32,009
Oh, my God.

1582
01:31:34,928 --> 01:31:40,642
Oh, my...

1583
01:31:46,983 --> 01:31:48,109
Zoey.

1584
01:31:49,611 --> 01:31:51,821
That's some good head!

1585
01:31:54,074 --> 01:31:56,202
That is called payback
and it feels so good!

1586
01:31:56,285 --> 01:31:58,579
How did it feel for you?
How did it feel for you?

1587
01:31:58,662 --> 01:32:00,456
I prefer it with goats.

1588
01:32:01,165 --> 01:32:02,708
Where is
the Supreme Leader?

1589
01:32:02,791 --> 01:32:03,792
No, no.

1590
01:32:03,876 --> 01:32:06,296
Now that is
called payback!

1591
01:32:06,505 --> 01:32:07,839
Oh, great!

1592
01:32:13,261 --> 01:32:16,307
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.

1593
01:32:16,766 --> 01:32:18,100
You don't have
to touch it.

1594
01:32:18,184 --> 01:32:19,227
Sorry. I was...

1595
01:32:19,310 --> 01:32:21,145
Just give us...
We don't...

1596
01:32:21,229 --> 01:32:28,028
Just give me
a couple of millimeters to myself.