1 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,303 Welcome to Sheffield! 2 00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:56,015 The beating heart of Britain's industrial North! 3 00:00:56,141 --> 00:00:59,811 The jewel in Yorkshire's crown is home to over half a million people, 4 00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:04,858 and thousands more flock here daily to shop and to work. 5 00:01:04,983 --> 00:01:07,777 All this is built on Sheffield's primary industry, 6 00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:09,946 steel. 7 00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:12,407 The city's rolling mills, forges, 8 00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:15,410 and workshops employ some 90,000 men 9 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:19,748 and state-of-the-art machinery to make the world's finest steel. 10 00:01:19,831 --> 00:01:21,541 From high-tensile girders 11 00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:26,087 to the stainless cutlery for your dining table. 12 00:01:26,171 --> 00:01:29,174 But it's not all hard work for the people of Steel City. 13 00:01:29,299 --> 00:01:32,093 They can spend the day lounging by the pool, 14 00:01:32,177 --> 00:01:34,888 watching one of our top soccer teams, 15 00:01:35,013 --> 00:01:38,016 or browsing in the shops. 16 00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:44,773 But when the sun goes down, the fun really starts 17 00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:47,692 in the city's numerous nightclubs and discotheques. 18 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:51,821 Yes, Yorkshire folk know how to have a good time! 19 00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:54,574 And it's good times for the city's housing, too! 20 00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:56,993 Sheffield leads the way in town planning. 21 00:01:57,076 --> 00:02:01,873 Victorian slums have been cleared to make way for the homes of the future. 22 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:06,294 Thanks to steel, 23 00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:08,213 Sheffield really is 24 00:02:08,338 --> 00:02:10,882 a city on the move! 25 00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:33,988 Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder? 26 00:02:34,072 --> 00:02:36,366 - Come on. - Dad, it's stealing! 27 00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,077 No, it's liberating, love. Liberating. 28 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,287 Gaz, hang on. 29 00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:46,668 Ten years we worked in here. Now look. 30 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,796 - What if we get caught? - You don't get a record till you're 16. 31 00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:52,090 - Just don't tell your mum. - Hey, listen. 32 00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:54,926 Music. 33 00:02:59,806 --> 00:03:02,100 Bloody hell! 34 00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:08,898 What are they doing? 35 00:03:08,982 --> 00:03:11,734 It's the works band. It's still going. 36 00:03:11,818 --> 00:03:14,821 About only thing round here that is. 37 00:03:16,656 --> 00:03:18,783 'Ey up! Security guard's back. 38 00:03:27,792 --> 00:03:29,919 "Won't take a minute," he says. 39 00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:32,088 "Won't take a minute." Now what? 40 00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:34,299 Shut up. I'm thinking. 41 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,469 Can't we do normal things sometimes? 42 00:03:38,595 --> 00:03:40,597 This is normal! Isn't it, Dave? 43 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,724 Oh, aye. Everyday stuff, this. 44 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:44,851 I think this bugger's sinking. 45 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,814 Pick it up, and try and slide it across other side. 46 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,149 That's it. 47 00:03:51,816 --> 00:03:54,235 Oh, fucking hell, Nathe! 48 00:03:54,319 --> 00:03:59,073 They're 20 quid each, them! That were your bloody maintenance! 49 00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:01,242 - Oh, shit. - Oh, nice one. 50 00:04:01,326 --> 00:04:03,119 Nathe! 51 00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,662 Nathan! 52 00:04:04,746 --> 00:04:07,498 - Fucking hell! - Come 'ere, come 'ere! 53 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,168 Jesus! Stay still. 54 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,337 Stay still, stay still. 55 00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,173 All right. 56 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:19,969 What's your initiative got to say about this, then, bog eyes? 57 00:04:21,763 --> 00:04:24,557 'Ey up, there's someone coming. 58 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,353 - All right? - Aye, not so bad. 59 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,023 "Not so bad"? 60 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,567 "Not so bad"? That's not much of a chuffing SOS! 61 00:04:34,651 --> 00:04:37,695 All right, don't get a benny on. 62 00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,950 Shit! 63 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:49,916 Me jeans are bloody soaking! 64 00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,876 You should have taken your kit off. 65 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,754 - What's up? Are you shy? - Don't! Shut it, all right? 66 00:04:57,090 --> 00:04:58,091 'Ey up, Dave. 67 00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,259 - All right, babe? - Dad! 68 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:03,930 What do you reckon, Dave? Eight? Maybe even a nine. 69 00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:05,765 You can never tell till you see their tits. 70 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:06,933 Dad! 71 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:10,436 - What's all this? - It's them Chippendale efforts. 72 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:11,813 You what? 73 00:05:11,896 --> 00:05:14,190 Them dancers. Mum were going on about it. 74 00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:17,735 Oh, you're joking! She must be getting desperate. 75 00:05:17,819 --> 00:05:21,114 - You all waiting for me, then? - Yeah! To go home. 76 00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:24,033 You know where to find me when you tire of them poofs. 77 00:05:24,117 --> 00:05:26,703 - Dad! - Come on, Gaz, I'm freezing. 78 00:05:27,412 --> 00:05:29,497 "Women only"? 79 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:32,500 Cheeky buggers! It's a bloody working-men's club! 80 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,961 I mean, look at the state of that! 81 00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,838 What have you got to smile about? 82 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,673 He's got no willy, for starters. 83 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,843 Nowt in a gym'll help you there, mate! 84 00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:44,679 No decent woman would be seen dead in there. 85 00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,556 Jean would. 86 00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:49,726 Oh, Dave, what's going on? 87 00:05:49,809 --> 00:05:51,060 It's her money, innit? 88 00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:56,691 Fucking hell! You'll let some poof wave his tackle at your missis? Where's your pride? 89 00:05:56,774 --> 00:06:01,529 She's already got you hoovering! I saw it and I let it go! But this? No, no, no. 90 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:04,657 - Get her out of there. - It's women only. 91 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,079 Hurry up, will you? Me feet have gone numb. 92 00:06:10,163 --> 00:06:14,333 That's gratitude for you! We're riding into Alley of Death for you, you fat git. 93 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,628 It's not my fault I can't fit through. 94 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:21,132 Right, then. I'll wait 'ere and keep guard. 95 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:24,677 Find Auntie Jean and tell her Uncle Dave wants a word outside. 96 00:06:24,761 --> 00:06:27,180 - Do I have to? - Good kid. On you go. 97 00:06:47,325 --> 00:06:49,410 Off! Off! Off! 98 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:02,548 I'm not waiting in that bloody queue. 99 00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:05,134 I always wanted a nosy in the men's toilets. 100 00:07:05,218 --> 00:07:07,303 Phwoar! Them bloody muscles! 101 00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:10,389 It's not their bodies, Bee. It's what they do with 'em. 102 00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:12,266 I don't know what you're worrying about, 103 00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:14,519 with you-know-who on your tail. 104 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:18,648 Frankie! Do you want my body? 105 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:24,362 Frank don't fancy me and I don't fancy Frank, right? So give over! 106 00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,615 Do you think he might, though? 107 00:07:31,077 --> 00:07:34,539 No. Couldn't do that to Dave. 108 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:37,291 Not even if I wanted to. 109 00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:40,586 But... you know, it's like he's given up. 110 00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:43,965 Work. Me. Everything. 111 00:07:44,048 --> 00:07:45,967 Ah, love. 112 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,969 'Ere, love. This'll cheer you up. 113 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:59,605 I weren't in Girl Guides for nowt! 114 00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:17,999 Gaz! 115 00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:20,251 Gaz! That were our Jean, weren't it? 116 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,880 No, no. Just a couple of old tarts. I'm going back in for Nathe. 117 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,971 You're in big trouble. 118 00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,098 What about Auntie Jean? 119 00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:39,353 Auntie Jean's busy. 120 00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:49,697 I don't feel well. 121 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:53,492 Of course you don't! You've got a hangover. Take a day off. Stay at home. 122 00:08:53,618 --> 00:08:56,787 Your house is messy. And it's cold. 123 00:08:56,871 --> 00:08:59,248 Come down job club. That'll be a right laugh. 124 00:08:59,332 --> 00:09:00,875 Mum's house is always warm. 125 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,544 I can't always have the red carpet out for you. 126 00:09:03,628 --> 00:09:08,132 Anyway, it's not your mum's house. It's whatshisname... Barry's. 127 00:09:08,216 --> 00:09:12,053 Tell you what. Next weekend I'll have a big tidy round. I promise! 128 00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:13,679 Even go and see a footie game. 129 00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:16,349 - Yeah? - Yeah. Sunday League down the park. 130 00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:18,392 There's some right good players. 131 00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:20,978 United are playing Man U, aren't they? 132 00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:23,147 You know I can't stretch to that. 133 00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:26,525 You're always making me do stupid stuff like last night. 134 00:09:26,651 --> 00:09:28,694 Other dads don't do that. 135 00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,447 Don't they? 136 00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,658 - Aye. - Aye. 137 00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:38,621 Nathe! 138 00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:41,374 We could try and sneak into Man U. Terry said... 139 00:09:41,499 --> 00:09:42,541 No! 140 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:45,419 All right! I'll... I'll get tickets! I will! 141 00:09:45,503 --> 00:09:48,881 Ooh! Aah! Cantona! Has to wear a girlie bra! 142 00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:53,344 We'll stuff 'em, Nathe. 143 00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,057 Fuck! 144 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:07,233 I want the application letters finished by the time I get back. 145 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,735 Any problems, I'm outside. 146 00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:21,038 I tell you, when women start pissing like us, that's it. 147 00:10:22,081 --> 00:10:23,291 We're finished, Dave. 148 00:10:23,374 --> 00:10:25,459 Extincto. 149 00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:27,712 Yeah, I mean... 150 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:30,131 How? You know... 151 00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:32,174 - How? - Genetic mutations. 152 00:10:32,258 --> 00:10:33,342 They're turning into us. 153 00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:38,431 A few years and men won't exist. Except in a zoo or summat. 154 00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,808 We're not needed no more, are we? 155 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,728 Obsolete. Dinosaurs. 156 00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,438 Yesterday's news. 157 00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:49,942 Like skateboards. 158 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,779 Button it! Some of us are trying to get a job. 159 00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:55,448 And it says no smoking in 'ere. 160 00:10:55,573 --> 00:10:59,493 Aye, and it says job club up there. When did you last see one of them walk in? 161 00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:04,290 You forget, Gerald, you're not our foreman now. 162 00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:06,208 You're just like the rest of us. 163 00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:09,462 - Scrap. - Shut it, right? 164 00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:13,049 Hang on, though. 165 00:11:13,132 --> 00:11:16,677 Why were all them women int' working-men's club int' first place? 166 00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:19,680 Now then! Cos of us. Men. 167 00:11:19,764 --> 00:11:21,974 You call them Chippendales men? 168 00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:23,642 Degrading, that's what it were. 169 00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:26,479 How many lassies were there, though? 170 00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:28,647 Thousands. Baying for blood. 171 00:11:28,773 --> 00:11:32,610 Ten quid to watch some fucking poof get his kit off! Ten quid! 172 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:37,365 Times ten quid by a thousand, right? And you've got... 173 00:11:38,449 --> 00:11:40,368 Yeah, well, a lot. A very lot. 174 00:11:41,452 --> 00:11:44,038 10,000 quid. 175 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,210 - How much? - 10,000 quid. 176 00:11:52,213 --> 00:11:56,217 'Ey, now, Dave, I mean... It's worth a thought, though, innit? 177 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,929 Little And Large 178 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:02,098 prancing round Sheffield with their widgers out! 179 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:03,933 That would be worth ten quid! 180 00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:06,394 Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying... 181 00:12:06,477 --> 00:12:11,607 - Widgers on parade! Bring a microscope! - I don't see why the chuff not! 182 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:16,570 Because you're fat and he's thin, and you're both fucking ugly. 183 00:12:16,654 --> 00:12:18,739 Bastard! 184 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,671 What's all this about sole custody? 185 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:37,049 You know what. If you want joint custody, you pay your share. 186 00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:40,428 - 700 quid. - I'm ont' dole, in case you hadn't noticed! 187 00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:45,015 - Get a job! I'll gi' you a job! - 2.50 an hour in Black Hole of Calcutta! 188 00:12:45,099 --> 00:12:46,809 No, thank you. 189 00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:51,689 If you want to play your games, do that, but Nathan's gonna have two parents now. 190 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,816 And your live-in lover's gonna do that? 191 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,569 Abracadabra, here he is! Evening, Barry. 192 00:12:56,694 --> 00:12:59,238 That'll be for t'court to decide. 193 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:03,409 No, it won't. Nathan's yours and mine. He's fuck-all to do with him! 194 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:08,831 - As if you've ever given a toss. - Face it. He don't like staying at yours. 195 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:12,209 Course he bloody does! Ask him! 196 00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,461 Ask him! 197 00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:16,046 Oi, Nathe! We have a laugh, don't we? 198 00:13:16,130 --> 00:13:19,175 - Gary! Don't! - Is he in? 199 00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,010 Is he in? 200 00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:22,553 Nathe! 201 00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:27,183 He can't hear you through your... triple bloody glazing. 202 00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:29,226 He can hear all right. 203 00:13:30,478 --> 00:13:32,646 This... This is all wrong, this is. 204 00:13:32,730 --> 00:13:36,108 It's all to fucking cock. I'm his dad, and you... 205 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,610 You're nobody. 206 00:13:37,735 --> 00:13:39,778 Goodnight, Gary. 207 00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,335 Night, Nathe! 208 00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:57,421 See you, kid! 209 00:14:06,347 --> 00:14:07,515 No. Not doing it. 210 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:10,768 - I'm not stripping. - They're taking him away. 211 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,229 All I need is 700 quid and they've got nowt on me. 212 00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:16,815 - Gaz, no. - Dave, he's me kid! 213 00:14:16,941 --> 00:14:18,609 I suppose there's nicking cars. 214 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:21,695 - No! - Well, then? 215 00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:24,823 Look, I'll help, all right? I'm running, aren't I? 216 00:14:24,949 --> 00:14:26,700 But I'm taking nowt off. Final. 217 00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:28,869 Come on, Dave. Don't stop now. 218 00:14:28,953 --> 00:14:32,289 - Keep up, you fat bastard! - Gazza, you tosser! 219 00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:43,133 Do you need a hand? 220 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:53,686 Yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon. 221 00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:57,481 Give it a go at that. 222 00:15:05,406 --> 00:15:08,158 Didn't you work at Harrisons afore it shut down? 223 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:11,203 Ah! I thought I clocked you! 224 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:14,915 I were ont' floor with Gaz. Him up the road. 225 00:15:14,999 --> 00:15:17,585 How's it going, then? 226 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:19,336 You got any work? 227 00:15:22,006 --> 00:15:23,674 No, there's not a lot about. 228 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:27,886 Well, like I say, get some new ones when you can. 229 00:15:28,012 --> 00:15:30,347 No, no, my chuffing pleasure! 230 00:15:41,442 --> 00:15:43,527 Dave? 231 00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:56,957 - Are you all right, kid? - You bastard! 232 00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:04,256 'Ey! 'Ey! 233 00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:19,897 You could shoot yoursen. 234 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,399 Where's he gonna find a gun from round 'ere? 235 00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:26,528 You wanna find yourself a big bridge. 236 00:16:26,612 --> 00:16:31,950 Yeah. Like one of them bungee jumps, only without the bungee bit. 237 00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,328 I can't stand heights, me. 238 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:44,254 Drowning. Now there's a way to go. 239 00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:48,300 I can't swim. 240 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:52,930 You don't have to fucking swim, you divvy. That's the point. 241 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,432 You're not very keen, are you? 242 00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,768 Sorry. 243 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,311 I know. 244 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:05,150 Stand in the middle of t'road and get a mate to drive smack into you right fast. 245 00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,530 Haven't got any mates. 246 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:14,118 We just saved your fucking life, so don't tell us we're not your mates! 247 00:17:15,953 --> 00:17:18,122 - Yeah? - Yeah, me an' all. 248 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:21,125 I'd run you down soon as look at you. 249 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,544 Oh, cheers. 250 00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:26,463 Ta. 251 00:17:28,507 --> 00:17:30,634 Thanks a lot. 252 00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:50,070 - What are you doing, Mum? - Where have you been? 253 00:17:50,154 --> 00:17:52,072 Driving. 254 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,701 - Driving where? - Just driving. 255 00:17:56,994 --> 00:17:59,121 I thought you'd gone. 256 00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:03,417 Security guard in 'ere? No wonder he wants to kill himself. 257 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:08,338 Well, at least one bloke got a job out of this place being shut down. 258 00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:11,759 What did you tell him for, anyroad? The kid's a nutter. 259 00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:14,261 He's a bugle player. 260 00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:17,723 Could come in right handy. Might need a bit of music. 261 00:18:17,848 --> 00:18:21,185 He's got a car. Somewhere to practice. 262 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:25,731 Besides, it's good whatsitsname for the lad... Therapy. 263 00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:29,318 Oh, aye! Jiggling about in the buff. Therapy! 264 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:32,237 I tell you, he won't be the only one trying to top himself 265 00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:34,406 if you carry on wi' this caper. 266 00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,992 Dad, I'm hungry. 267 00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:39,203 'Ey up! 268 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,878 'Ey! Lomper! 269 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,882 - Where's me rice? - Try the cylinder head... tubby. 270 00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:55,552 I don't like Chinese. 271 00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:57,971 'Course you do... Don't you? 272 00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:02,726 - Let's see his records. - What have we got, Dave? 273 00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:04,895 "The Floral Dance." 274 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:09,233 - "Marching With Hepworth"? - Jesus Christ! 275 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,985 Ah, Hot Chocolate! Now we're talking! 276 00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,363 I believe in miracles 277 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,156 Since you came along 278 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,158 You sexy thang 279 00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:20,661 Stick it on, Daverimo! I'm there. 280 00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,760 Dad! Dad, don't. 281 00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:41,223 It's all right, Nathan. It's right, is this. I've seen 'em do it. 282 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,851 - Good evening, shoppers... - Dave! 283 00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,019 All right, all right. 284 00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:49,857 "You Sexy Thing." One, two... 285 00:19:49,857 --> 00:20:19,857 Subtitle | www.movieddl.me 286 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,488 Where did you come from? 287 00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:44,536 - I need an audience. - You need a doctor. 288 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:53,253 I tell you, there's summat up wi' that kid. 289 00:20:57,174 --> 00:21:00,093 - Did you check the whole top end? - Yeah! 290 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,262 There's no point. He went out. 291 00:21:02,346 --> 00:21:04,848 - You what? - I seen him go. 292 00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,060 There's the bugger. 293 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:10,979 Oi, Nathe! 294 00:21:11,063 --> 00:21:12,981 Nathan! 295 00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:15,525 Nathan. 296 00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:19,655 Hell-fire! 297 00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:23,200 - What are you doing out here, kid? - Nowt. Walking home. 298 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:26,370 It's miles home! You know that! 299 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,956 Why did you run off like that? 300 00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:33,961 You're embarrassed, aren't you? 301 00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:37,214 You think your own dad's a dickhead. 302 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:41,885 We're not doing this for a laugh, you know. 303 00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:44,137 I'm trying to get some brass together 304 00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:48,058 so as you and me can keep seeing each other. 305 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:51,353 They're trying to stop us, you see. 306 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,230 Oh, well, I may as well not bother. 307 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:55,399 Except I'm your dad. 308 00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:01,071 It counts for something, don't it? 309 00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:07,077 I like you. 310 00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,248 I love you, you bugger. 311 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,585 All right, kid? 312 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,761 - All right? - Yeah. 313 00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:29,016 You nutter. 314 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,696 - Well, you said dancing. - It were a great idea, kid. 315 00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:45,824 Just not the right sort of dancing. 316 00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:48,577 Gaz! 'Ey, look 'ere. 317 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:51,830 Oh, my God! 318 00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:54,541 Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be famous down job club. 319 00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:56,376 He's not bad for a bastard, is he? 320 00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:59,337 He's dead, that's what he is. 321 00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:08,180 You said you wanted a dance teacher. 322 00:23:08,305 --> 00:23:10,057 Gerald? Go get chuffed! 323 00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:14,436 He'd tell every bugger! We'd be laughed out of Sheffield. 324 00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:16,730 'Ey up, lads. Bandits at six o'clock. 325 00:23:19,983 --> 00:23:21,860 Ah, come in, Torvill. 326 00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:23,904 Park your sequins over 'ere. 327 00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:27,491 - You've had your laugh. Now piss off. - It's a free country. 328 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:30,911 - You were rather good. Nifty footwork. - Gerald! 329 00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,038 Oh, hello. 330 00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:38,251 - Gerald, you're missing the rumba. - Sorry, I just met some pals from... work. 331 00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:43,673 - Oh. Not thinking of joining our class? - Funny you should mention it... 332 00:23:43,757 --> 00:23:47,844 - I think we'd better be getting back now. - Well, goodnight. 333 00:23:47,928 --> 00:23:52,641 You get back to your rumba. See you later, Gerald. 334 00:23:52,724 --> 00:23:55,102 At work. 335 00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:17,624 He's got gnomes. 336 00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:20,961 Aye, he bloody would have. 337 00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:25,423 Things looking up? 338 00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:27,342 You know, love, I think they just might be. 339 00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:28,718 Good. 340 00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:30,679 You've been working too hard. 341 00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:34,766 You should let a colleague do the lion's share for a change. 342 00:24:34,891 --> 00:24:38,562 - I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald. - Oh, well. Mustn't be late. 343 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:41,773 - So it's all right if I... - Oh, Linda, love... 344 00:24:41,898 --> 00:24:45,402 Oh, don't be so mean! Things are looking up. You said so. 345 00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:47,571 You'll love skiing. 346 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,284 Linda... 347 00:24:55,829 --> 00:24:57,914 It don't matter. Bye. 348 00:25:03,962 --> 00:25:06,089 'Ey, Gaz. 349 00:25:13,263 --> 00:25:16,016 - Off to the office, Torvill? - Yes, I bloody am! 350 00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:18,185 Put that back. Put it back! 351 00:25:19,269 --> 00:25:23,398 See that? Interview. In the bloody bag. Mate from Harrisons. 352 00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:25,859 I could do the job standing on me head. 353 00:25:25,942 --> 00:25:28,153 I won't have to look at your ugly mugs again. 354 00:25:28,278 --> 00:25:30,864 - Come on, we just need some help. - Sorry. 355 00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:33,325 There's nothing I can do to help you. 356 00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:35,577 Just wanna know about dancing. 357 00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:38,663 Dancers have coordination, skill, 358 00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:41,708 timing, fitness and grace. 359 00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,502 Take a long hard look in the mirror. 360 00:25:44,628 --> 00:25:47,339 Now, I'm busy. 361 00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:49,841 Don't be late for job club, lads. 362 00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:53,303 Bastard! 363 00:25:56,848 --> 00:25:59,643 Starting at? 16,000, plus the pension scheme. 364 00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:04,564 It'll be a relief to get back to work. It's not been an easy six months. 365 00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:07,734 I'm up to date with the latest industry developments, 366 00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:10,528 and I've kept meself... 367 00:26:13,698 --> 00:26:16,201 busy, you know. 368 00:26:16,326 --> 00:26:19,871 Well, all the qualifications are there, obviously. 369 00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:23,333 And we go back further than I care to remember. 370 00:26:24,668 --> 00:26:26,544 Sorry? 371 00:26:32,425 --> 00:26:35,095 What we're asking, Gerald, is... 372 00:26:35,178 --> 00:26:40,267 after such a long lay-off, do you think you're up to the job? 373 00:26:45,563 --> 00:26:46,606 You...! 374 00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,692 - Bastard! - Fucking hell! 375 00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:54,572 'Ey, Gerry, mate... 376 00:26:55,365 --> 00:26:58,785 - You didn't get it, then? - Get out the way! Come 'ere! 377 00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:01,871 Bastard! That were mine, that job! 378 00:27:03,039 --> 00:27:04,791 You don't give a toss! You're kids! 379 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:08,670 It's different for me! I've got a standard of living! Responsibilities! 380 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:11,715 I were on me way up! I am on me way up! 381 00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:17,470 It were me first interview in months! 382 00:27:17,554 --> 00:27:21,891 I could've got me first month's in advance. She'd never have known. 383 00:27:21,975 --> 00:27:23,393 Now what? 384 00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:26,062 She's still got credit cards, you know. 385 00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:32,777 She's out there now, ont' High Street, with a fucking MasterCard, spending! 386 00:27:32,902 --> 00:27:34,946 Why can't you just tell her? 387 00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:39,242 How can I tell her after six months? 388 00:27:39,326 --> 00:27:43,413 A woman who wants to go skiing for us holidays! 389 00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:49,419 Skiing, for fuck's sake! 390 00:27:52,255 --> 00:27:55,175 Why did you do it? It was my job! 391 00:27:55,258 --> 00:27:58,845 It had to be my... job! 392 00:28:39,052 --> 00:28:42,013 Can't you just leave me alone? 393 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:56,694 We stuck it with superglue. 394 00:28:56,820 --> 00:28:58,905 You can't hardly see t'join. 395 00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:07,247 - Go on. - Oh, yeah. 396 00:29:09,082 --> 00:29:12,210 We got this int' jumble, like, to say sorry. 397 00:29:14,671 --> 00:29:16,840 Wheels go round and everything. 398 00:29:18,425 --> 00:29:23,012 It's for your gnomes, really. Not you. 399 00:29:23,096 --> 00:29:25,306 I... 400 00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:28,017 I don't know... 401 00:29:29,936 --> 00:29:32,188 It's marvelous, this. 402 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:38,778 We were thinking... 403 00:29:38,862 --> 00:29:41,656 you can maybe put it next to... wishing well. 404 00:29:41,739 --> 00:29:43,867 Make a bit of a... 405 00:29:44,534 --> 00:29:47,036 - Feature. - Yeah. 406 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,205 What do you reck? 407 00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:55,879 Ta, lads. 408 00:29:57,464 --> 00:29:59,549 Ta very much. 409 00:30:02,427 --> 00:30:05,263 Cigarette me, for fuck's sake. 410 00:30:07,599 --> 00:30:10,518 Think any of them could dance? 411 00:30:10,602 --> 00:30:14,439 You're not still on about this Chippendales malarkey, are you? 412 00:30:14,564 --> 00:30:17,901 A Yorkshire version. Them buggers can, we bloody can. 413 00:30:17,984 --> 00:30:20,987 - You can't dance. - We know, Gerald. 414 00:30:21,070 --> 00:30:25,575 - Gaz, niner on its way. - Why do you think we're trailing you? 415 00:30:25,658 --> 00:30:28,620 It's not my kind of dancing. It's all arse wiggling. 416 00:30:28,745 --> 00:30:30,580 I've got a degree in arse wiggling, mate. 417 00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:33,958 You learn us dancing, I'll learn you the rest. 418 00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:37,629 Gerald, for once, I'm dead serious. I need your help. 419 00:30:37,754 --> 00:30:41,674 What if someone spots me? What if Linda finds out? I've got standing, me. 420 00:30:41,758 --> 00:30:43,301 You've an overdraft an' all. 421 00:31:41,150 --> 00:31:43,069 I'm sorry. Sorry. 422 00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:46,531 I thought I'd give it a go. 423 00:31:46,656 --> 00:31:48,866 I got a bit desperate. You know how it is. 424 00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:53,079 I can't even take my kit off properly, can I? 425 00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:56,249 You're all right, Reg. There's some tea if you like. 426 00:31:56,332 --> 00:31:58,376 No, thanks. The kids are outside. 427 00:31:58,501 --> 00:32:00,295 Bring 'em in. 428 00:32:00,378 --> 00:32:02,046 No. 429 00:32:02,714 --> 00:32:04,841 This is no place for kids. 430 00:32:14,183 --> 00:32:16,227 This is crazy. 431 00:32:18,688 --> 00:32:20,940 So, 432 00:32:21,024 --> 00:32:22,859 it's Mr. Horse. 433 00:32:23,901 --> 00:32:25,570 Horse. 434 00:32:25,695 --> 00:32:26,904 Yeah, well... 435 00:32:27,030 --> 00:32:30,033 Just a minute, Mr. Horse. My colleagues on the panel... 436 00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:32,910 Ask him why he's called the Horse. 437 00:32:34,287 --> 00:32:37,832 You bloody ask him! It's not cos he does the Grand National. 438 00:32:37,915 --> 00:32:40,168 That's all very well, but a big wanger is no use 439 00:32:40,251 --> 00:32:42,837 if you need a zimmer frame to tout it in. 440 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:44,964 I mean, he must be 50 if he's a day. 441 00:32:45,048 --> 00:32:48,384 So, Horse, what can you do? 442 00:32:49,719 --> 00:32:51,846 Dunno, really. 443 00:32:51,929 --> 00:32:54,849 Let's see, there's the... 444 00:32:54,932 --> 00:32:56,476 There's the bump. 445 00:32:56,559 --> 00:33:00,063 The stomp. The bus stop. 446 00:33:00,146 --> 00:33:02,440 Me breakdancing days are probably over. 447 00:33:02,565 --> 00:33:05,401 - But I do the funky chicken. - Now you're talking! 448 00:33:05,485 --> 00:33:08,446 - All of 'em? - Well, yeah. I think so. 449 00:33:08,571 --> 00:33:12,158 Well, it's been a while, mind. And I've got this dodgy hip. 450 00:33:12,241 --> 00:33:13,868 Yeah. 451 00:33:13,951 --> 00:33:16,829 Well, stick it on, Nathe. Do your worst, pal. 452 00:34:00,957 --> 00:34:05,044 My favorite film's "Singing Int' Rain". That walking-up-wall thing is ace! 453 00:34:05,128 --> 00:34:08,131 He knows me. He plastered our bathroom a while back. 454 00:34:08,214 --> 00:34:10,091 - Get rid of him. - You'll be fine. 455 00:34:10,174 --> 00:34:12,593 - He'll blow my cover. - Shut up! 456 00:34:12,677 --> 00:34:15,680 - What walking-up-wall thing? - I'll show you. 457 00:34:15,805 --> 00:34:17,890 I'm Donald O'Connor, right? 458 00:34:21,561 --> 00:34:22,979 That's the wall. 459 00:34:34,907 --> 00:34:36,993 Oh, well... 460 00:34:37,243 --> 00:34:39,704 It's better than that in the film, you know. 461 00:34:41,372 --> 00:34:44,417 So... you don't sing? 462 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,210 No. 463 00:34:46,335 --> 00:34:49,922 - You don't dance? - No. 464 00:34:50,006 --> 00:34:54,677 Hope you don't think I'm being nosy, but... what do you do? 465 00:34:54,761 --> 00:34:56,846 Well... 466 00:34:56,929 --> 00:34:59,015 There is... this. 467 00:35:08,858 --> 00:35:12,403 Gentlemen, the lunchbox... has landed. 468 00:35:19,035 --> 00:35:20,161 Chuffing Nora! 469 00:35:20,244 --> 00:35:22,705 All right, Gerald? I didn't see you! 470 00:35:23,748 --> 00:35:25,208 I did his bathroom. 471 00:35:27,919 --> 00:35:29,253 Hello, Guy. 472 00:35:29,378 --> 00:35:31,088 Nathe... 473 00:35:31,214 --> 00:35:33,424 Nathan! 474 00:35:37,762 --> 00:35:40,223 - I say, Jean! - Yeah? 475 00:35:40,306 --> 00:35:42,391 Ever been out with a black bloke? 476 00:35:42,475 --> 00:35:46,145 - You know I haven't, Dave. - But... 477 00:35:46,229 --> 00:35:48,731 If you were ont' lookout for a new fella, right? 478 00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:51,108 If you were, just saying, 479 00:35:51,234 --> 00:35:53,277 would you think about it? 480 00:35:53,402 --> 00:35:55,446 What's got into you? 481 00:35:56,781 --> 00:35:58,908 No, would you, though? 482 00:35:59,909 --> 00:36:01,786 I might do. Yeah. 483 00:36:01,911 --> 00:36:04,247 Is that all right? 484 00:36:04,330 --> 00:36:06,791 - So it's true. - I've bloody had enough of this. 485 00:36:06,916 --> 00:36:08,751 What's true? 486 00:36:08,835 --> 00:36:11,337 What they say about black blokes. 487 00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:13,464 They've got great bodies and that. 488 00:36:13,589 --> 00:36:15,633 Some of 'em. Yeah. 489 00:36:17,593 --> 00:36:19,846 And? 490 00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:22,515 Nothing. 491 00:36:23,599 --> 00:36:27,979 David... I don't care if they're black, white, or bloody rainbow-colored. 492 00:36:28,104 --> 00:36:31,315 I'm married to you. Remember? 493 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,484 Yeah. 494 00:36:37,196 --> 00:36:39,282 Night. 495 00:36:42,535 --> 00:36:45,037 Why would I want anyone else? 496 00:36:45,997 --> 00:36:48,124 Big man. 497 00:36:53,129 --> 00:36:55,548 Jeanie, 498 00:36:55,631 --> 00:36:57,717 I'm all in. 499 00:36:59,969 --> 00:37:04,348 It's amazing how tiring it is doing nowt, you know. 500 00:37:34,587 --> 00:37:36,964 They're just messing, Dave. 501 00:37:37,048 --> 00:37:39,175 - Do you reckon? - 'Course! 502 00:37:39,258 --> 00:37:41,344 Just Jean, innit? 503 00:37:43,763 --> 00:37:46,933 - Got any of them mint chocolate jobs? - You're on a diet. 504 00:37:47,016 --> 00:37:51,270 - Don't you start an' all. - How much you got, then? 505 00:37:53,105 --> 00:37:56,108 22... 27 pence. 506 00:37:56,192 --> 00:37:59,904 ?4.99, special offer. We're still a fucking fiver short. 507 00:38:00,029 --> 00:38:02,949 You know what this means, Dave? 508 00:38:03,032 --> 00:38:05,117 Oh, no! Come on, Gaz. Why me? 509 00:38:05,201 --> 00:38:08,829 You've got an innocent face. I've got serial killer written on mine. 510 00:38:08,913 --> 00:38:11,832 If you won't dance, you can do something useful. 511 00:38:11,916 --> 00:38:14,293 Jean'll throw an eppy! She's only over there! 512 00:38:14,377 --> 00:38:18,547 She's miles away! See you later. Good luck. 513 00:38:18,631 --> 00:38:22,802 - Give us a pear drop, you. - They're not paid for. 514 00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:18,357 Hey, what's this? 515 00:39:18,441 --> 00:39:21,861 I didn't go on the nick in Asda for some chuffing women's DIY video. 516 00:39:21,944 --> 00:39:24,447 It's Flashdance, Dave. She's a welder. 517 00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:27,491 I hope she dances better than she welds! 518 00:39:27,616 --> 00:39:30,578 - Look at that! Her mix is all to cock. - Shut up, Dave. 519 00:39:30,661 --> 00:39:34,290 - What do you know about welding? - More than some chuffing woman! 520 00:39:34,373 --> 00:39:36,959 It's like Bonfire Night. Too much acetylene. 521 00:39:37,043 --> 00:39:39,086 Them joints won't hold fuck all. 522 00:39:39,170 --> 00:39:42,381 For Christ's sake, we're looking for dancing. 523 00:39:42,465 --> 00:39:44,341 He's got the hump about Asda. 524 00:39:44,467 --> 00:39:47,136 'Ey, cop a load of that. 525 00:39:50,639 --> 00:39:53,684 What did I tell you? She's nifty on her pins. 526 00:39:57,146 --> 00:40:00,232 That, gentlemen, is what we are looking for. 527 00:40:00,316 --> 00:40:04,487 Oh, aye. I can just see him doing all that twizzling-about bollocks. 528 00:40:04,570 --> 00:40:09,033 It's souped-up tango, is that. Teach any bugger in a week. Even you, mate. 529 00:40:09,158 --> 00:40:11,410 Even a fat bastard like me? 530 00:40:11,494 --> 00:40:14,330 Yeah, I know what I am, so don't take the piss. 531 00:40:15,706 --> 00:40:18,751 All right. Two weeks. 532 00:40:19,543 --> 00:40:21,670 Straight up. 533 00:40:28,844 --> 00:40:31,806 I dunno, Gaz. Jean reckons... 534 00:40:31,889 --> 00:40:34,600 I should take that security-guard job at Asda. 535 00:40:34,683 --> 00:40:37,019 Jesus! Security? 536 00:40:37,103 --> 00:40:38,729 You're worth more than that. 537 00:40:38,854 --> 00:40:40,898 She don't think so. 538 00:40:41,023 --> 00:40:44,151 I reckon summat's going on with her and that bloke. 539 00:40:44,235 --> 00:40:45,861 The juggling bugger? 540 00:40:45,945 --> 00:40:48,072 No. No way. 541 00:40:48,197 --> 00:40:50,241 It's not as if I'd blame her. 542 00:40:50,366 --> 00:40:52,409 You could show her, Dave. 543 00:40:52,535 --> 00:40:56,914 Nobody tells them Chippendales to do security. Raking it in, they are! 544 00:40:57,039 --> 00:41:01,752 Two weeks. That's what the man said, and he's not taking the piss. 545 00:41:01,877 --> 00:41:03,712 Aye, it's a thought. 546 00:41:03,796 --> 00:41:05,756 It's more than a thought. 547 00:41:05,881 --> 00:41:09,885 Think of Jean's face when she sees you dancing like Flashdance. 548 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,681 Two weeks? Just like flashy tits? 549 00:41:13,764 --> 00:41:15,891 It's what your man said. 550 00:41:16,892 --> 00:41:19,812 'Ey... I can weld better than her an' all. 551 00:41:23,232 --> 00:41:25,276 Stop! No, no! Stop! Stop! 552 00:41:25,401 --> 00:41:29,155 - What? - You stay still! 553 00:41:29,238 --> 00:41:32,241 And you... go forward, OK? 554 00:41:32,324 --> 00:41:34,243 - OK. - All right, Nathan. 555 00:41:39,081 --> 00:41:41,709 No, no, no! Jesus Christ! 556 00:41:43,169 --> 00:41:47,464 All I want to do is get you in a straight bloody line! 557 00:41:47,590 --> 00:41:49,508 What do I have to do? 558 00:41:49,592 --> 00:41:51,802 It's the Arsenal offside trap, isn't it? 559 00:41:51,927 --> 00:41:55,181 - You what? - The Arsenal offside trap. 560 00:41:55,264 --> 00:41:57,391 Lomper here is Tony Adams, right? 561 00:41:57,474 --> 00:41:59,393 Any bugger looks like scoring, 562 00:41:59,476 --> 00:42:04,064 we all step forward in a line and wave our arms around like a fairy. 563 00:42:04,148 --> 00:42:05,774 That's easy. 564 00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:08,360 OK! 565 00:42:08,444 --> 00:42:10,112 Nathan! 566 00:42:15,784 --> 00:42:16,827 Ref! 567 00:42:18,329 --> 00:42:20,706 Perfect. 568 00:42:20,789 --> 00:42:21,790 Perfect. 569 00:42:21,874 --> 00:42:23,459 Well, you should have said. 570 00:42:28,297 --> 00:42:30,633 Come on. Get in quick, and wipe your boots. 571 00:42:33,844 --> 00:42:37,723 - Put that back. You'll break it. - I'm just looking. 572 00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:39,683 Bit posh, innit? 573 00:42:39,808 --> 00:42:40,935 Right, then. 574 00:42:41,018 --> 00:42:44,647 - Are we right? - Right for what? 575 00:42:44,730 --> 00:42:47,775 Taking us kit off. 576 00:42:47,858 --> 00:42:50,110 I thought you were turning me into a fancy dancer. 577 00:42:50,194 --> 00:42:52,321 Ladies, we are strippers, aren't we? 578 00:42:52,404 --> 00:42:54,490 What, here? Now? In this house? 579 00:42:56,659 --> 00:43:00,704 - This is a good area, this is. - Gaz... I dunno. 580 00:43:00,829 --> 00:43:02,915 If we can't get us kit off in front of ourselves, 581 00:43:02,998 --> 00:43:05,876 what chance have we got in front of lasses? 582 00:43:06,001 --> 00:43:07,836 Tops off. 583 00:43:12,216 --> 00:43:14,093 Come on! 584 00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:19,682 Well, no looking. And no laughing, you bastards. 585 00:43:28,023 --> 00:43:30,567 I used to have a proper job, me. 586 00:43:32,194 --> 00:43:35,030 I ask you, what are we doing? What are we doing? 587 00:43:44,873 --> 00:43:46,750 And the kecks. 588 00:44:04,393 --> 00:44:07,813 - Horse by name, horse by nature, eh? - Oh, shut it, you! 589 00:44:07,896 --> 00:44:11,442 - How come you're so brown? - No reason. 590 00:44:11,567 --> 00:44:17,156 - Someone's got a sunbed, Gerald! - It's Linda's, and no, you bloody can't! 591 00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,408 What am I gonna do about this? 592 00:44:19,491 --> 00:44:21,702 It's not too bad. 593 00:44:21,785 --> 00:44:23,329 From the front, like. 594 00:44:23,412 --> 00:44:26,415 Fat, David, is a feminist issue. 595 00:44:26,498 --> 00:44:28,584 What's that supposed to mean? 596 00:44:28,667 --> 00:44:31,587 I don't bloody know, do I? But it is. 597 00:44:32,504 --> 00:44:35,174 I try dieting. 598 00:44:35,257 --> 00:44:37,634 I do try! 599 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,180 It seems I've spent most of me fucking life on a diet! 600 00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:43,432 The less I eat, the fatter I get. 601 00:44:43,515 --> 00:44:47,519 - So stuff yourself and get thin. - Oh, shut up, saggy tits! 602 00:44:47,603 --> 00:44:50,064 They're not. 603 00:44:50,147 --> 00:44:54,193 A mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff put on her at this health club. 604 00:44:54,276 --> 00:44:57,321 She lost stones. It were like magic. 605 00:44:57,446 --> 00:44:59,114 Oh, what's it called? 606 00:44:59,198 --> 00:45:01,700 Anyway, it's like clingfilm. 607 00:45:01,784 --> 00:45:04,411 - I've heard of that. - Clingfilm? 608 00:45:04,495 --> 00:45:07,164 I'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald. 609 00:45:07,289 --> 00:45:11,710 - You wrap it round, reduce the fat... - She swears by it! 610 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,594 - You can't just take stuff. - Sorry, mate. 611 00:45:20,677 --> 00:45:22,763 But I only owe him 120 quid. 612 00:45:22,846 --> 00:45:26,934 - That's all these'll fetch second-hand. - They're not second-hand. 613 00:45:27,017 --> 00:45:29,144 They are now, mate. 614 00:45:30,896 --> 00:45:33,816 - Put down and piss off. - Fucking hell! 615 00:45:38,487 --> 00:45:42,199 I think there's been a mistake. We'll check with the office. 616 00:45:43,367 --> 00:45:46,537 - Cheers, lads. - It's not bad, this stripping lark. 617 00:45:58,590 --> 00:46:00,717 Dave and Lomps, up the wing. 618 00:46:00,843 --> 00:46:03,387 One, two, three, four. 619 00:46:03,512 --> 00:46:06,098 Left touchline, three, four. 620 00:46:06,181 --> 00:46:08,517 Right touchline, three, four. 621 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,853 Offside trap. One, two, 622 00:46:10,936 --> 00:46:13,939 three, four. Now the belt, 623 00:46:14,022 --> 00:46:16,150 three. Now the shoes, 624 00:46:16,233 --> 00:46:18,694 three, four. Now the socks... 625 00:46:18,777 --> 00:46:21,780 - Hang on, I can't... - Carry on! 626 00:46:26,118 --> 00:46:28,120 - That were crap. - Give us a chance! 627 00:46:28,203 --> 00:46:30,956 I bet even Madonna has difficulty with her shoes. 628 00:46:31,039 --> 00:46:33,125 - You could've had me eye out! - Sorry. 629 00:46:33,208 --> 00:46:36,420 What are you doing? They're borrowed! 630 00:46:36,545 --> 00:46:38,380 We can use 'em for the show. 631 00:46:38,464 --> 00:46:40,466 It's what them Chippendales do. 632 00:46:40,549 --> 00:46:43,302 They put Velcro down the side, and then... 633 00:46:43,385 --> 00:46:45,429 All is revealed. I'll sew 'em back up. 634 00:46:45,554 --> 00:46:47,848 Where did you learn to be an ace sewer? 635 00:46:47,931 --> 00:46:49,475 Prison. 636 00:46:52,561 --> 00:46:54,605 Cheers, Nathe. 637 00:46:58,484 --> 00:47:00,569 Come on, AI, it's me! 638 00:47:00,652 --> 00:47:04,448 Which is precisely why it's 100 quid up front. Half-price. 639 00:47:04,573 --> 00:47:07,242 If I give you t'club for nowt and you don't turn up, 640 00:47:07,326 --> 00:47:10,162 I've got an empty bar on a Friday night. 641 00:47:10,245 --> 00:47:14,249 'Course we'll turn up! I haven't got 100 quid! 642 00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:17,461 If you tell me what you're up to, it might help. 643 00:47:19,588 --> 00:47:21,673 I can't. It's top-secret. 644 00:47:22,799 --> 00:47:24,927 Sorry... 645 00:47:39,441 --> 00:47:41,777 - All right, love? - Hi, Mum. 646 00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:44,112 - What do you want? - All right, Mand? 647 00:47:44,196 --> 00:47:46,490 I'm gonna get you all your money. 648 00:47:46,615 --> 00:47:51,078 Our money. Nathan's. You know, for definite this time. 649 00:47:51,161 --> 00:47:54,957 - Yeah, right. That all? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 650 00:47:56,124 --> 00:48:01,004 Well, no. The thing is, Mand, you have to speculate to accumulate, in business. 651 00:48:01,129 --> 00:48:05,425 - I'm not sure I'm hearing this. - I'll get you it all. I just need a tiny bit. 652 00:48:05,509 --> 00:48:07,928 - You want some money? - Yeah! 653 00:48:08,011 --> 00:48:11,348 Right. I need someone int' packing section. 654 00:48:17,354 --> 00:48:18,814 Come on, Dad. 655 00:48:21,984 --> 00:48:23,193 Nathan. 656 00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:26,029 You can't do this, kid. It's your savings. 657 00:48:26,154 --> 00:48:29,575 I can. I just need your signature. It says int' book. 658 00:48:29,658 --> 00:48:31,618 I'd like to take my money out, please. 659 00:48:31,702 --> 00:48:33,328 Well, you bloody well can't. 660 00:48:33,412 --> 00:48:37,332 - You're all right, love. It's sorted. - It's my money! 661 00:48:37,416 --> 00:48:38,750 ?100, please. 662 00:48:38,834 --> 00:48:42,629 When you're 18, you can walk in and get it yourself. 663 00:48:42,713 --> 00:48:45,757 - You said you'd get it back. - I know! 664 00:48:45,841 --> 00:48:48,135 But you don't want to listen to what I say. 665 00:48:48,218 --> 00:48:51,597 You said so. I believe you. 666 00:48:52,723 --> 00:48:54,600 You do? 667 00:48:54,683 --> 00:48:55,684 Yeah. 668 00:48:58,854 --> 00:49:00,689 Blimey, Nathe! 669 00:49:13,452 --> 00:49:16,371 Come on, come on! One, two! 670 00:49:26,965 --> 00:49:29,384 And one for luck! 671 00:50:23,772 --> 00:50:25,774 Yeah! 672 00:50:40,372 --> 00:50:41,957 It's not straight, Lomps. 673 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,834 Give over, it's only a poster. 674 00:50:47,337 --> 00:50:49,798 Christ al-bloody-mighty! 675 00:50:51,466 --> 00:50:52,551 All right, sweethearts? 676 00:50:54,636 --> 00:50:56,805 Gary the lad! What are you up to, then, shifty? 677 00:50:56,888 --> 00:50:59,808 Bit of this, bit of that, bit of the other. 678 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,938 - Just advertising for some mates. - Oh, aye. 679 00:51:05,021 --> 00:51:07,399 And who's gonna come and see your mates? 680 00:51:07,482 --> 00:51:10,193 We had the real thing up here the other day. 681 00:51:10,318 --> 00:51:12,654 Well, us mates are better. 682 00:51:13,321 --> 00:51:16,700 - Better? How's that, then? - Well... 683 00:51:18,910 --> 00:51:20,787 This lot go all the way. 684 00:51:20,871 --> 00:51:24,416 - Don't they, lads? - The full monty? You lot? 685 00:51:25,917 --> 00:51:29,004 Hell-fire! That would be worth a look! 686 00:51:29,087 --> 00:51:31,673 - See you there, then. - Ta-ra. 687 00:51:33,008 --> 00:51:37,137 - Keep your hair on. - No way. No and never. In that order, kid. 688 00:51:37,220 --> 00:51:41,224 Excuse me, no-one said anything to me about the full monty. 689 00:51:41,349 --> 00:51:45,479 You heard 'em. We've gotta give them more than your average ten-bob stripper. 690 00:51:45,562 --> 00:51:49,399 - Yeah, but... me willy. I mean to say... - Your willy? 691 00:51:49,524 --> 00:51:52,486 - My willy! - A laughing stock. Totally! 692 00:51:52,569 --> 00:51:53,779 Well, they're coming! 693 00:51:53,862 --> 00:51:56,490 With a pair of scissors! They know it's us. 694 00:51:56,573 --> 00:52:01,036 By closing time, every bugger in Sheffield will know it's us whether we do it or not. 695 00:52:01,119 --> 00:52:03,955 We can forget it, go back to fucking job club, 696 00:52:04,039 --> 00:52:06,666 or do it and just maybe get rich. 697 00:52:06,750 --> 00:52:08,502 And I tell you, 698 00:52:08,585 --> 00:52:12,047 folks don't laugh so loud when you've a grand in your pocket. 699 00:52:12,714 --> 00:52:14,758 Now, are you in... 700 00:52:14,883 --> 00:52:16,092 or are you out? 701 00:52:19,304 --> 00:52:23,225 ..all sorts of problems for drivers on the Pennines. 702 00:52:24,059 --> 00:52:27,270 So, please avoid the area if possible. 703 00:52:27,395 --> 00:52:31,233 The good news is that the outlook for the rest of the week is much better, 704 00:52:31,316 --> 00:52:35,987 with the storms clearing to leave the weekend warm and sunny. 705 00:52:36,071 --> 00:52:40,450 Now, back to the music. Here's another disco classic from the '70s. 706 00:52:40,575 --> 00:52:42,327 It's Donna Summer with... 707 00:52:42,410 --> 00:52:43,954 "Hot Stuff". 708 00:53:43,471 --> 00:53:45,348 No. 709 00:53:45,473 --> 00:53:48,143 Gerald, come on, mate. Just an hour! 710 00:53:52,022 --> 00:53:54,649 You've got some fit birds in there. 711 00:53:56,818 --> 00:53:59,112 Nah. Tits are too big. 712 00:53:59,195 --> 00:54:00,322 Yeah? 713 00:54:00,405 --> 00:54:02,198 Didn't know they could be. 714 00:54:04,659 --> 00:54:07,287 Anti-wrinkle cream. 715 00:54:07,370 --> 00:54:08,788 Can fellas use this an' all? 716 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,167 Do you mind, you! 717 00:54:12,834 --> 00:54:18,214 Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all. 718 00:54:18,340 --> 00:54:20,383 You what? 719 00:54:21,426 --> 00:54:24,804 They're gonna be looking at us like that. 720 00:54:24,888 --> 00:54:29,517 What if, next Friday, 400 women say: "He's too fat, he's too old, 721 00:54:29,601 --> 00:54:32,520 and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser." 722 00:54:32,604 --> 00:54:35,774 - They wouldn't. - Why not? He said her tits are too big. 723 00:54:35,857 --> 00:54:38,526 That's different. We're... blokes. 724 00:54:38,610 --> 00:54:40,278 Yeah. And? 725 00:54:40,362 --> 00:54:42,572 I think she's got nice tits. 726 00:54:42,697 --> 00:54:46,368 I never said owt about her personality. She's probably quite nice. 727 00:54:46,451 --> 00:54:48,954 They won't say nowt about your personality. 728 00:54:49,037 --> 00:54:51,247 Which is good cos you're a bastard. 729 00:54:51,373 --> 00:54:55,460 Bollocks to your personality! This is what they're looking at. 730 00:54:55,543 --> 00:54:57,379 And I tell you summat, mate. 731 00:54:57,462 --> 00:55:03,051 Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream, there is none. 732 00:55:03,134 --> 00:55:05,053 Here... lads. 733 00:55:11,393 --> 00:55:13,061 Oh, mother! 734 00:55:14,104 --> 00:55:15,105 Bloody hell! 735 00:55:15,188 --> 00:55:17,816 Gaz said he wanted something a bit flashy. 736 00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:21,236 - It's top of the range. Real leather. - Yeah, but... 737 00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:23,863 - You don't get much. - What day is it? 738 00:55:23,947 --> 00:55:26,825 - Monday. - When are we on? 739 00:55:26,908 --> 00:55:30,078 Friday. Dress rehearsal tomorrow. 740 00:55:32,831 --> 00:55:35,000 I think I'm gonna be sick. 741 00:55:42,257 --> 00:55:44,884 How can I read the instructions? There wasn't any. 742 00:55:44,968 --> 00:55:48,096 No? Well, maybe there's a part missing. 743 00:55:48,179 --> 00:55:51,725 Yeah, I got that. If that's what you call it. 744 00:55:51,808 --> 00:55:56,187 Well, if it's all there, how come it's not working? 745 00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,608 What do you mean, in what sense? 746 00:56:00,692 --> 00:56:04,529 It's not working in the sense that it's not working. 747 00:56:04,612 --> 00:56:06,281 No, I can't speak up. 748 00:56:06,364 --> 00:56:10,618 Nothing's happening, you know what I mean? Nothing's getting bigger. 749 00:56:10,702 --> 00:56:12,954 Well, this is an emergency, is this. 750 00:57:03,671 --> 00:57:05,715 What's the matter, big man? 751 00:57:09,344 --> 00:57:11,387 I'm sorry. 752 00:57:18,728 --> 00:57:20,855 Dave... 753 00:57:24,609 --> 00:57:26,694 Dave. 754 00:57:40,125 --> 00:57:42,043 You're ahead. 755 00:57:43,211 --> 00:57:45,171 Give us a break! 756 00:57:47,882 --> 00:57:49,926 All right, kid. 757 00:57:52,387 --> 00:57:53,596 Tell us straight. 758 00:57:53,721 --> 00:57:56,307 We're not making the biggest arses of ourselves in the known universe, 759 00:57:56,391 --> 00:57:58,268 are we? 760 00:59:08,004 --> 00:59:10,089 Dave, mate. 761 00:59:10,173 --> 00:59:13,384 Can I have a word? In private, like. 762 00:59:14,969 --> 00:59:17,263 Yeah. I suppose so. 763 00:59:17,347 --> 00:59:20,391 Dave, you won't tell anyone, will you? 764 00:59:20,475 --> 00:59:23,895 No, your... Your secret's safe with me. 765 00:59:26,314 --> 00:59:28,566 When I were about 12, 766 00:59:28,650 --> 00:59:32,987 our school took us for... for swimming lessons. 767 00:59:33,071 --> 00:59:35,114 Mixed classes. 768 00:59:35,198 --> 00:59:37,700 You know, boys... 769 00:59:37,825 --> 00:59:39,494 and... 770 00:59:40,828 --> 00:59:42,372 and girls. 771 00:59:46,167 --> 00:59:49,629 It were terrible, Dave. I were there 772 00:59:49,712 --> 00:59:51,839 standing at t'side of t'pool in me trunks 773 00:59:51,923 --> 00:59:55,635 with all these pretty lassies around in bikinis! 774 00:59:55,718 --> 00:59:57,887 And... Well, I... 775 00:59:58,012 --> 01:00:00,098 I got... 776 01:00:05,687 --> 01:00:08,022 I got a stiffy! 777 01:00:08,773 --> 01:00:11,609 - What did you do? - I jumped into t'deep end. 778 01:00:11,693 --> 01:00:14,404 I nearly fucking drowned! 779 01:00:14,529 --> 01:00:16,072 What if it happens again? 780 01:00:16,197 --> 01:00:18,533 Think of that? In front of 400 women! 781 01:00:18,616 --> 01:00:20,952 Gerald, 782 01:00:21,035 --> 01:00:23,705 you're talking to t'wrong man. 783 01:00:30,211 --> 01:00:33,131 - You said it were just your mum. - It's family. 784 01:00:33,214 --> 01:00:36,592 - What can you do? - Who the hell-fire's that? 785 01:00:38,136 --> 01:00:40,763 Oh, no. 786 01:00:40,888 --> 01:00:42,557 It's Beryl. 787 01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:45,143 Me niece! 788 01:00:45,226 --> 01:00:46,394 Where's Dave? 789 01:00:52,233 --> 01:00:54,193 'Ere, Dave! 790 01:00:54,277 --> 01:00:56,029 Dave! 791 01:00:56,112 --> 01:00:58,114 - What are you doing? - What does it look like? 792 01:00:58,239 --> 01:01:01,701 We're on in three days' time! Where the fuck are you? 793 01:01:01,784 --> 01:01:04,704 I'm 'ere, working! Earning! That's where. 794 01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,831 Not pissing about! 795 01:01:06,914 --> 01:01:08,750 End of chat. 796 01:01:10,752 --> 01:01:12,295 Dave. 797 01:01:12,420 --> 01:01:15,006 - Come on, Dave. - No. 798 01:01:15,089 --> 01:01:17,091 All right, then. 799 01:01:17,175 --> 01:01:20,261 - Very nice. - Gaz, please, don't. 800 01:01:20,345 --> 01:01:22,305 Come on, Mr. Security Guard. Do your job. 801 01:01:22,388 --> 01:01:23,389 Gazza! 802 01:01:24,349 --> 01:01:27,477 Horse, go out and tell 'em there's a delay. 803 01:01:27,602 --> 01:01:28,978 They won't wait forever. 804 01:01:42,700 --> 01:01:44,786 Keep up, you fat bastard! 805 01:01:49,165 --> 01:01:51,793 Don't ever call me a fat bastard, all right? 806 01:01:51,876 --> 01:01:54,629 - All right? - We need you, Dave. 807 01:01:57,507 --> 01:01:59,634 I can't. 808 01:02:02,970 --> 01:02:05,973 I just can't. All right? 809 01:02:07,642 --> 01:02:12,188 Listen, just think of the most boring thing you can come up with. 810 01:02:12,313 --> 01:02:15,191 - That should keep it well in order. - Like what? 811 01:02:15,316 --> 01:02:18,694 - Double-glazing salesmen. - Gardening. The Queen's speech. 812 01:02:18,820 --> 01:02:20,780 A Dire Straits double album. 813 01:02:20,863 --> 01:02:24,242 - Nature programs. - I like nature programs. 814 01:02:24,325 --> 01:02:27,870 Aye, but they don't give you a hard-on, though, do they? 815 01:02:27,995 --> 01:02:29,622 Do they? 816 01:02:29,705 --> 01:02:33,167 - Blimey... - Oh, shut up! It's not funny. It's medical. 817 01:02:39,048 --> 01:02:40,716 He's not coming. 818 01:02:42,677 --> 01:02:43,678 We can do without him. 819 01:04:27,657 --> 01:04:30,618 So your daddy dances in front of you? 820 01:04:30,701 --> 01:04:33,371 When he's rehearsing. 821 01:04:38,876 --> 01:04:41,963 We were dancing all right then, an' all. 822 01:04:42,046 --> 01:04:43,965 My feet are freezing. 823 01:04:44,048 --> 01:04:46,717 Right. Name. 824 01:04:46,801 --> 01:04:48,886 Gary Schofield. 825 01:04:53,015 --> 01:04:55,351 - Gerald Arthur Cooper. - What? 826 01:04:55,434 --> 01:04:57,520 Gerald Arthur Cooper. 827 01:05:00,189 --> 01:05:03,150 - Barrington Mitchell. - Barrington? 828 01:05:03,234 --> 01:05:04,652 Yeah. 829 01:05:04,735 --> 01:05:06,821 - Is that one R? - Two. 830 01:05:29,677 --> 01:05:32,555 Told you. Robbing pipes, that's all. 831 01:05:32,638 --> 01:05:33,764 Gary, my friend, 832 01:05:33,848 --> 01:05:36,559 no bugger robs pipes in the buff. 833 01:05:36,642 --> 01:05:38,102 We do. 834 01:05:38,185 --> 01:05:40,187 Don't get your clothes dirty, do you? 835 01:05:40,271 --> 01:05:46,944 Oh. Well, don't fret, gents. There's a right good laundry in Wakefield prison. 836 01:05:50,573 --> 01:05:53,159 Security-camera tapes off the front desk. 837 01:05:53,242 --> 01:05:54,577 What happened to the security guard? 838 01:06:06,422 --> 01:06:08,424 You're always ahead there. 839 01:06:08,507 --> 01:06:10,926 You're always bloody behind, more like. 840 01:06:11,010 --> 01:06:15,806 Look... Excuse me, can I borrow this for a second? 841 01:06:15,890 --> 01:06:18,476 Look, shut up, will you? Watch. 842 01:06:22,355 --> 01:06:24,023 He's right. 843 01:06:24,106 --> 01:06:26,359 - You're ahead. - Oh, go... bollocks! 844 01:06:49,382 --> 01:06:50,883 Be quiet! Me mum'll hear. 845 01:06:50,966 --> 01:06:53,886 I've always wanted to meet your mum. 846 01:07:03,521 --> 01:07:07,483 What do you mean, I can't see him? He's me son! I haven't been charged! 847 01:07:07,566 --> 01:07:09,652 Ask Smiler in there! No charge! 848 01:07:09,735 --> 01:07:13,280 Sorry. Social Services have requested an interview with you. 849 01:07:13,364 --> 01:07:16,033 Have to make an appointment. 850 01:07:20,329 --> 01:07:23,374 - I've come to pick up my son. - Oh, right... 851 01:07:23,457 --> 01:07:25,459 Just a minute. 852 01:07:25,543 --> 01:07:27,878 He's fine. We've not been charged or owt. 853 01:07:27,962 --> 01:07:31,716 So this is your great money-making enterprise? Pornography? 854 01:07:31,799 --> 01:07:34,093 Don't be daft! We're getting your money. 855 01:07:34,176 --> 01:07:36,512 My money? Nathan's money! 856 01:07:36,595 --> 01:07:38,681 - Here he is. - All right, Dad? 857 01:07:38,764 --> 01:07:41,976 - All right, kid? - Yeah, fine. Hi, Mum. 858 01:07:42,059 --> 01:07:43,519 Come on, love. 859 01:07:43,602 --> 01:07:45,271 We're going now. 860 01:07:45,354 --> 01:07:47,440 - Come on, Mand! - Unemployed, 861 01:07:47,523 --> 01:07:52,027 maintenance arrears of? 700, and now an arrest for indecent exposure. 862 01:07:52,111 --> 01:07:54,780 - Still think you're a good father? - He is trying. 863 01:07:54,864 --> 01:07:57,658 - See? - A bit late for that. 864 01:07:57,742 --> 01:08:01,036 - Hang on a minute! - Look at yourself, Gary! 865 01:08:01,120 --> 01:08:03,497 Just look at yourself. 866 01:08:39,450 --> 01:08:41,535 All right, mate? 867 01:08:42,286 --> 01:08:44,622 So. 868 01:08:46,290 --> 01:08:49,293 And this has been going on how long? 869 01:08:52,379 --> 01:08:54,256 About six months. 870 01:09:00,513 --> 01:09:03,432 I can cope with losing the sunbed. 871 01:09:03,516 --> 01:09:05,601 Car. Television. 872 01:09:06,477 --> 01:09:10,272 I can even cope with the shame of everyone watching this. 873 01:09:10,356 --> 01:09:13,776 But six months! Six bloody months! 874 01:09:13,859 --> 01:09:15,986 And you wouldn't say to me, 875 01:09:17,154 --> 01:09:19,406 to your wife. 876 01:09:23,285 --> 01:09:26,413 I thought you liked them. 877 01:09:26,497 --> 01:09:28,666 No, Gerald. I've never liked 'em. 878 01:09:54,066 --> 01:09:57,486 They've taken me sunbed. They've taken bloody everything. 879 01:09:57,570 --> 01:10:00,614 - Kept hold of your chips, though. - House repossessed. 880 01:10:00,698 --> 01:10:02,575 Wife thrown me out. 881 01:10:02,658 --> 01:10:05,244 Guess what. 882 01:10:05,327 --> 01:10:07,705 I've just been offered that job. 883 01:10:07,788 --> 01:10:09,707 Congratulations. 884 01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:19,508 - All right, kid? - Hiya! 885 01:10:19,592 --> 01:10:22,595 - Fancy a kick-about int' park? - Yeah. 886 01:10:25,055 --> 01:10:26,140 Nathe. 887 01:10:26,223 --> 01:10:28,058 Hiya. All right, love? 888 01:10:28,142 --> 01:10:29,727 You shouldn't be here. 889 01:10:29,810 --> 01:10:32,813 - Says who? - Read the lawyer's letter, why don't you? 890 01:10:34,523 --> 01:10:37,443 We're going swimming, Dad. Do you wanna come? 891 01:10:40,279 --> 01:10:42,781 I can't, kid. 892 01:10:42,865 --> 01:10:44,992 Haven't brought me trunks, have I? 893 01:10:45,075 --> 01:10:48,579 - We can go get 'em. Can't we, Mum? - I can't, love. 894 01:10:48,662 --> 01:10:51,040 Why? 895 01:10:51,123 --> 01:10:53,208 I just... 896 01:10:54,919 --> 01:10:56,795 I just can't. Sorry. 897 01:10:58,047 --> 01:11:00,633 He's not allowed, is he? 898 01:11:05,137 --> 01:11:06,639 Come on, love. 899 01:11:45,052 --> 01:11:46,345 Dave! 900 01:11:46,428 --> 01:11:48,722 Oi, you deaf twat! 901 01:11:48,806 --> 01:11:51,308 What do you want now? I told you, I'm finished with you. 902 01:11:51,392 --> 01:11:53,477 We're all finished, Dave. 903 01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:55,938 I'm a bloody marked man now. 904 01:11:57,773 --> 01:12:01,068 Sorry about your Nathan. It's a bad one, that. 905 01:12:01,151 --> 01:12:03,237 Aye. 906 01:12:03,570 --> 01:12:05,656 It's about Lomper. 907 01:12:05,739 --> 01:12:08,200 What's that pasty-faced chuffer want? 908 01:12:08,283 --> 01:12:10,369 His mum died two days ago. 909 01:12:11,245 --> 01:12:12,246 Ah. 910 01:12:13,455 --> 01:12:15,499 Poor lad. Sorry. 911 01:12:15,582 --> 01:12:17,501 Could you borrow us a jacket for t'funeral? 912 01:12:17,584 --> 01:12:18,669 Gaz...! 913 01:12:18,752 --> 01:12:22,881 Come on, Dave! It's not for me, it's a funeral! 914 01:12:25,467 --> 01:12:27,136 What color? 915 01:12:29,013 --> 01:12:30,472 Orange. 916 01:12:30,556 --> 01:12:33,475 - Orange? - Black, for fuck's sake! 917 01:12:33,559 --> 01:12:36,270 All right. Look, I'll meet you by t'doors. 918 01:12:47,322 --> 01:12:50,409 - Nice one. - Come on, then. 919 01:12:50,492 --> 01:12:53,162 - Have you got some time off? - Nah. 920 01:12:53,245 --> 01:12:55,497 Fucking pick'n'mix were driving me crazy. 921 01:12:55,581 --> 01:12:57,458 Besides, it's a funeral. 922 01:12:57,541 --> 01:13:00,669 - Are you ready? - Ready when you are. 923 01:14:11,198 --> 01:14:13,158 They bloody are, you know. 924 01:14:13,242 --> 01:14:14,868 They're holding hands. 925 01:14:14,952 --> 01:14:17,913 - They're never. - Straight up. 926 01:14:18,872 --> 01:14:21,625 I never even hold hands with ruddy lassies. 927 01:14:21,708 --> 01:14:23,418 Maybe I should. 928 01:14:24,878 --> 01:14:28,006 Ah, who'd have ruddy thought it, eh? 929 01:14:29,675 --> 01:14:33,095 Ah, well. There's nowt as queer as folk. 930 01:14:34,721 --> 01:14:38,559 I said, "There's nowt as queer as folk"! 931 01:14:38,642 --> 01:14:41,478 Shut up, Dave. It's supposed to be a bloody funeral. 932 01:14:41,562 --> 01:14:43,730 I'm sorry. 933 01:14:53,073 --> 01:14:55,701 - Look! Who's that? - It's that guy! 934 01:14:55,784 --> 01:14:56,827 Show us your pecs! 935 01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:03,584 They were together in the paper. 936 01:15:08,589 --> 01:15:12,092 Have you been actively seeking work over the last fortnight? 937 01:15:12,217 --> 01:15:13,302 Yeah. 938 01:15:13,385 --> 01:15:17,264 Have you done any work, paid or unpaid, over the last fortnight? 939 01:15:17,347 --> 01:15:18,849 No. 940 01:15:20,893 --> 01:15:23,187 That's not what I've heard. 941 01:16:11,860 --> 01:16:13,403 Right, come on, you lot! 942 01:16:17,699 --> 01:16:19,409 "Slaidburn." 943 01:16:23,247 --> 01:16:25,582 One, two, three, four. 944 01:17:04,997 --> 01:17:07,708 - Go get shagged! - Get your knickers off! 945 01:17:12,713 --> 01:17:15,215 Oh, fuck! 946 01:17:15,299 --> 01:17:17,884 Hey, Patricia the Stripper! 947 01:17:17,968 --> 01:17:21,054 - Bugger off. - Where have you bloody been? 948 01:17:21,138 --> 01:17:25,642 What's going on? I had to buy 20 barrels! I've had no word from you! 949 01:17:25,726 --> 01:17:27,853 I hope they're sale or return. 950 01:17:27,936 --> 01:17:30,188 You're joking! You're bloody famous! 951 01:17:30,272 --> 01:17:32,566 Yeah, don't remind me. 952 01:17:32,649 --> 01:17:35,736 - I've sold 200-odd tickets! - How many? 953 01:17:36,403 --> 01:17:38,613 Well done, Gerald. All the best. 954 01:17:38,697 --> 01:17:41,575 Hey! Example for you there! 955 01:17:45,412 --> 01:17:48,332 - Nice suit, Gerald! - Yeah. 956 01:17:48,415 --> 01:17:50,500 Well, I'd best be off. 957 01:17:50,584 --> 01:17:54,546 You never know, there might be a job in it for you boys. 958 01:17:54,629 --> 01:17:56,423 - All right, lads? - All right, Gaz? 959 01:17:56,506 --> 01:18:00,093 - Gareth. - We're on. 960 01:18:00,177 --> 01:18:01,303 We're bloody on! 961 01:18:01,386 --> 01:18:05,223 - You what? - We've sold 200 tickets. That's two grand! 962 01:18:05,307 --> 01:18:08,894 It's a bit late for all that, Gaz. I mean... 963 01:18:08,977 --> 01:18:11,355 I mean fresh start, you know. 964 01:18:11,438 --> 01:18:13,023 One more time, Gerald. 965 01:18:13,106 --> 01:18:16,902 You got the rest of your fucking life to wear a suit! 966 01:18:16,985 --> 01:18:18,737 - Gerald... - Aye, go on! 967 01:18:18,820 --> 01:18:20,364 Come on, Gerald. 968 01:18:24,242 --> 01:18:25,911 - Just once. - Yes! 969 01:18:25,994 --> 01:18:28,830 That's all. Just tonight. 970 01:18:30,499 --> 01:18:33,543 How about it, Dave? 971 01:18:33,627 --> 01:18:36,671 Haven't you grown out of all that yet? 972 01:18:36,755 --> 01:18:39,132 Come on, mate. 973 01:18:39,216 --> 01:18:41,802 Nah. Sorry, lads. 974 01:18:50,352 --> 01:18:52,312 Jean? 975 01:18:54,398 --> 01:18:55,941 Jean, love! 976 01:19:03,365 --> 01:19:05,450 There you are. 977 01:19:10,914 --> 01:19:14,418 I should have guessed when you started wearing totty lotion. 978 01:19:14,501 --> 01:19:16,878 You never put it on for me, did you? 979 01:19:16,962 --> 01:19:19,214 - Jean? - Or this? 980 01:19:20,799 --> 01:19:24,970 I never had you down for this sort of caper, David. 981 01:19:25,053 --> 01:19:27,514 It explains a few things, at least. 982 01:19:27,597 --> 01:19:30,308 No, look... I know it don't look good. 983 01:19:30,392 --> 01:19:32,978 You're bloody right it don't. 984 01:19:33,895 --> 01:19:36,648 All those nights you were late back 985 01:19:36,731 --> 01:19:40,986 and stupid cow here thought you were out looking for a job! 986 01:19:41,069 --> 01:19:42,779 Well, no wonder. 987 01:19:42,863 --> 01:19:45,073 No bloody wonder. 988 01:19:45,157 --> 01:19:48,535 - It's so obvious. - No, I were with Gaz, honest. 989 01:19:48,618 --> 01:19:52,831 Oh, right! She's one of Gaz's little tarts, is she? 990 01:19:52,914 --> 01:19:54,708 Well, that makes sense. 991 01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:58,920 She'd have to be to put up with this kind of shit! 992 01:20:00,589 --> 01:20:05,010 Just listen, will you? It's nowt to do with any fucking women! 993 01:20:07,637 --> 01:20:09,764 I'm... 994 01:20:09,848 --> 01:20:11,516 I were a stripper, right? 995 01:20:11,600 --> 01:20:13,518 Me and Gaz and... 996 01:20:13,602 --> 01:20:17,355 some fellas thought we'd make a bob or two taking us clothes off. 997 01:20:19,691 --> 01:20:21,568 Strippers? 998 01:20:21,651 --> 01:20:24,029 All right, all right, I know. 999 01:20:24,112 --> 01:20:27,365 You... and Gaz? 1000 01:20:27,449 --> 01:20:29,117 Strippers? 1001 01:20:29,201 --> 01:20:31,286 We weren't that bad. 1002 01:20:33,538 --> 01:20:35,749 Only I couldn't, could I? 1003 01:20:36,333 --> 01:20:38,919 Why not? 1004 01:20:39,002 --> 01:20:40,962 Well, look at me. 1005 01:20:43,089 --> 01:20:45,175 So? 1006 01:20:46,343 --> 01:20:50,138 Jeanie, who wants to see this dance? 1007 01:20:51,806 --> 01:20:53,892 Me, Dave. 1008 01:20:55,018 --> 01:20:57,103 I do. 1009 01:21:21,461 --> 01:21:23,046 Women only, you tosser! 1010 01:21:23,129 --> 01:21:26,716 Women only! It's on all t'posters, for fuck's sake. 1011 01:21:26,800 --> 01:21:29,594 No, nobody told me. 1012 01:21:29,678 --> 01:21:31,805 All the blokes from t'pub are in there. 1013 01:21:31,888 --> 01:21:36,142 - Bastards! - You'll be all right once you're on stage. 1014 01:21:36,226 --> 01:21:37,686 Once I'm on stage? 1015 01:21:37,769 --> 01:21:43,233 I'm going nowhere near the fucking stage! It's suicide! That's what it is! Suicide! 1016 01:21:51,992 --> 01:21:54,786 Come on, come on! Come on, come on! 1017 01:21:54,869 --> 01:21:57,455 Come on, come on! Come on! 1018 01:21:58,290 --> 01:22:00,500 Shit! I'll give the money back. 1019 01:22:00,584 --> 01:22:02,294 Alan, announce it, please. 1020 01:22:02,377 --> 01:22:06,339 To 400 horny punters? Ask me another one, kid! 1021 01:22:06,423 --> 01:22:07,424 By 'eck! 1022 01:22:07,507 --> 01:22:10,635 Our old dinner lady's ont' front row! 1023 01:22:10,719 --> 01:22:13,847 - We'll get torn to pieces! - You will if you don't go on! 1024 01:22:13,930 --> 01:22:16,766 Ever seen a zebra brought down by a pack of wolves? 1025 01:22:16,850 --> 01:22:19,936 These nature films. Aren't they marvelous? 1026 01:22:20,020 --> 01:22:21,354 Brilliant, aren't they? 1027 01:22:21,438 --> 01:22:24,441 - They are, aren't they, Gerald? - Oh, pack it in! 1028 01:22:24,524 --> 01:22:27,694 - Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz? - Dave! 1029 01:22:27,777 --> 01:22:30,697 There were nowt on telly so I thought I'd give it a go. 1030 01:22:30,780 --> 01:22:34,534 - I found this wandering about outside. - They wouldn't let me in. 1031 01:22:34,618 --> 01:22:37,621 What the hell are you doing 'ere? Your mum'll go mad! 1032 01:22:37,704 --> 01:22:40,749 - She's out front. - Is she? 1033 01:22:40,832 --> 01:22:42,208 Is Barry with her? 1034 01:22:42,292 --> 01:22:44,419 She wouldn't let him come. Said it were women only. 1035 01:22:44,502 --> 01:22:48,757 Right! I can't hold them any longer! It's now or never! 1036 01:22:50,842 --> 01:22:53,928 We're bloody on. Go get your jacket on. 1037 01:22:56,306 --> 01:22:59,351 Can't we leave us G-strings on, Gaz? 1038 01:22:59,434 --> 01:23:00,852 Perhaps you better had. 1039 01:23:00,935 --> 01:23:03,021 No, we better hadn't. 1040 01:23:03,104 --> 01:23:06,858 Listen. If we're doing this, then just this once, 1041 01:23:06,941 --> 01:23:09,402 we're doing it right. 1042 01:23:09,486 --> 01:23:10,570 Now, come on. 1043 01:23:12,155 --> 01:23:14,616 Come on, put your hands together 1044 01:23:14,699 --> 01:23:16,993 and welcome Mr. Dave Horsefall! 1045 01:23:26,586 --> 01:23:30,048 OK, ladies and gents... and you buggers up the back there! 1046 01:23:31,049 --> 01:23:32,425 Get on with it! 1047 01:23:32,509 --> 01:23:34,219 We may not be young, 1048 01:23:34,302 --> 01:23:37,013 we may not be pretty, we may not be right good, 1049 01:23:37,097 --> 01:23:39,224 but we're here. 1050 01:23:39,307 --> 01:23:41,685 We're live, and for one night only 1051 01:23:41,768 --> 01:23:44,688 we're going for the full monty! 1052 01:23:46,189 --> 01:23:48,608 You can't miss it, not after everything. 1053 01:23:49,734 --> 01:23:53,238 - Come on, Gaz! Hurry up! - Sorry, lads. 1054 01:23:55,907 --> 01:23:57,450 Good luck, eh? 1055 01:24:28,440 --> 01:24:31,192 Listen. I'm gonna get really annoyed with you. 1056 01:24:31,276 --> 01:24:33,611 They're cheering out there. You did that. 1057 01:24:33,695 --> 01:24:35,947 Now get out there and do your stuff. 1058 01:24:36,614 --> 01:24:38,616 God, is there anyone I don't get bollocked by? 1059 01:24:38,700 --> 01:24:40,785 Out! 1060 01:26:33,439 --> 01:26:35,525 Off! Off! Off! 1061 01:26:59,424 --> 01:27:02,051 Off, off, off!