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Subtitles
~ءdoni@~
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"And sunlight clasped the earth...
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"... and the moonbeams kissed the sea.
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"What are all these kissings worth...
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"... if thou kiss not me?"
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That's it.
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-Mike.
-Mr. Brackett, OK.
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That Cameron Drake guy,
did you really teach him?
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Yes, I did.
Right here in this very room.
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Question about the poem?
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Yes, Meredith.
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When Cameron went here
did he have a girlfriend?
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-Please.
-Jack.
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-Mr. Brackett.
-Vicky.
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-Does this have to do with the poem?
-Yeah.
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You have a comment about English
literature or Romantic poetry?
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-Absolutely.
-Let's hear it.
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When Cameron went here...
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...and studied English literature
and Romantic poetry...
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...was he really cute?
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No. He's had massive surgery.
A complete overhaul.
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He was an iguana.
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But, you know,
he loved this poem.
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Excuse me, Mr. Brackett.
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Mr. Brackett.
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Jack.
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It's here.
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From Indiana State.
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And? Hey, Joe.
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Will you open it?
It'll make it a lot easier.
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What if I...
I mean, I'm not gonna get in.
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I bet that it just says,
"Nice try, you moron.
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"You loser, get lost
get out of here".
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That's not quite the way
they put it, Jack.
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Yes! You're in!
Full scholarship!
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-Yes?
-Way to go!
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Yes!
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Gentlemen,
Are we having a practice?
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We can't, you know.
It's our coach.
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He's getting married this week.
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Yes, that's correct.
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And he's drunk.
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I'm drunk?
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Pretty soon!
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You guys!
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Congratulations, Mr. Brackett!
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-You're so beautiful.
-Howard?
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You look exquisite.
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I wish my folks were still here.
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They never thought it would happen.
They never thought I'd get married.
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We're your family now, dear.
I'm not just Howard's mom.
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I'm yours.
-Beware.
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When you walked in here
last month, I almost died.
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I didn't recognize you.
-She's worked very hard.
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-Isn't she a knockout?
-I was fat my whole life.
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I was not going to waddle
down that aisle.
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When I saw that Richard
Simmons' infomercial...
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I love him.
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Remember when he actually
went to that woman's house...
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...who lost over 400 pounds
using the tapes?
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Yes.
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I just thought,
if she can do it, so can I.
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And you did.
Bridal Barn, we salute you.
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-It's a straitjacket.
-It's a classic, the J-12.
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Everybody in town's been stopping by
revving up for your nuptials.
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Look at this.
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Son, I don't know.
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The Torme.
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Thank you.
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In just a few short days
Emily and I will be married...
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...after three long years.
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What, you may be asking
yourself, was the problem?
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You said it!
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Well, Aunt Becky,
I think I have the answer.
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I vowed I would not be married...
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...until Cameron Drake
was nominated for an Oscar.
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I thought I was safe.
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Tonight's the night,
for Cameron, at least...
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...and so I'll let you all
get back to your sets.
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This Sunday, thanks to my mom
and dad and Emily...
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...is going to be
the happiest day of my life.
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Wouldn't it be extraordinary
if Cameron actually wins?
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You remember,
I had him.
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You did?
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Yeah. I was a student teacher.
It was sophomore English.
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He used to come every day
after school for extra help.
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We spent the whole year reciting
Romeo and Juliet to each other.
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Oh, really?
Just the two of you?
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He was just a student.
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Well, all right.
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Now, which channel?
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Who wants movie-style
buttery lite?
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Me, I do.
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Score pads and pencils.
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Gretchen, what do you have
for Best Documentary?
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Something about Polish mine workers
and their struggle to be free.
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I hope that nice Sally Field wins.
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-But she's not nominated.
-Even so.
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It's almost time.
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Turn it on.
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The place...
Hollywood, USA.
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This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment...
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...inviting you to join me for
Hollywood's night of nights...
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...the 68th Annual Academy Awards.
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Ladies and gentlemen...
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...here is another screen legend,
an Oscar winner herself...
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...Miss Whoopi Goldberg.
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So, Whoop, Cameron Drake.
His chances?
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This kid is incredible.
He is so sexy, so sweet.
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I just adore him.
He is just the best there is.
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It's Cameron Drake!
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There he is. Look.
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He is just so cool.
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-What is that on his chin?
-Looks like a troll doll.
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-Did he just wake up?
-Shut up.
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Ladies and gentlemen, here comes
America's hottest young star...
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...and People Magazine's sexiest
man of the year, poor guy...
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...Cameron Drake.
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-Hello.
-Hey.
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So, Cameron,
tonight's the big night.
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All the marbles. Planet Cameron.
Right.
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-Excuse me?
-I said, right.
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Everyone's saying that you won't
be going home empty-handed.
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How do you feel about that?
And speak up.
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Basically to me,
awards are meaningless.
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I'm an artist.
It's about the work.
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All the nominees are artists.
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We shouldn't be forced to compete
with each other like dogs.
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I hear you. Good point.
Then why are you here?
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In case I win.
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Now we return to
the 68th Annual Academy Awards.
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Coming up, the Oscar for
best performance by an actor.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Glenn Close.
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Now our final nominee
for Best Actor... Cameron Drake.
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Cameron rocketed to stardom
with courage and charisma...
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...tackling the role
of a brave gay soldier...
137
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...in the breakthrough film
"To Serve and Protect".
138
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You're gonna make it, Danny.
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I love you, Billy.
140
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Wait. Do you love me
as a friend, or in another way?
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Another way, Billy.
142
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You mean as a brother?
143
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,395
No, another way.
144
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,355
You mean as a cousin?
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No, another way.
146
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,986
You mean as a pen pal?
147
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My legs hurt.
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Proceed.
149
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,840
Lieutenant Stevens...
150
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,343
...you've been awarded
two purple hearts...
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...and a Congressional
Medal of Honor.
152
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,282
You saved the lives
of your entire unit.
153
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,600
However, your sergeant...
154
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...haw come across the following items
in your footlocker.
155
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:47,731
Will you kindly tell the court
if they are yours?
156
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A personal letter to another soldier?
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No.
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Yes, sir.
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A photograph signed,
"Danny, San Francisco"?
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00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,159
Yes, sir.
161
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:08,543
Finally, an autographed copy
of "Beaches"...
162
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...starring Bette Midler?
-Give that back!
163
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Discharge, dishonorable!
164
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,060
They're kicking him out.
165
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That's not fair.
166
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I mean, he killed people.
167
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Danny, I just don't know.
Did I do the right thing?
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Ask him.
169
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Well, Mr. President,
am I still a good American?
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It's a statue, Billy.
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Danny.
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00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:06,101
I love you.
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Come on. Let's go home.
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00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,111
Billy.
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Billy.
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00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:25,746
شإثدس
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Billy!
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00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,460
Billy!
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Oh, look.
Here he is.
180
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,725
This is Cameron's
first nomination...
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...and he's in extremely
good company.
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Tonight, he joins fellow
Best Actor nominees...
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00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:55,108
...Paul Newman for "Coot"...
184
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,447
...Clint Eastwood for "Codger"...
185
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:05,369
...Michael Douglas
for "Primary Urges"...
186
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...and Steven Seagal
for "Snowball in Hell".
187
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,590
And the winner is...
188
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...Cameron Drake,
"To Serve and Protect".
189
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My God!
190
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Doofus! Doofus!
191
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-That's our boy.
-Look at him. My God!
192
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Thank you.
193
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:55,919
Nice, man.
194
00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:58,881
Nice.
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I'd like to thank
a great director...
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00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,179
...an incredible cast...
197
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,514
...my agent and my new agent...
198
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:11,518
...but I'm just an actor
playing someone.
199
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,813
This really belongs to all
the gay soldiers and sailors...
200
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:18,358
...and other guys and women
who defend this country...
201
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,028
...to keep us free,
but can't date.
202
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:30,037
So maybe I should thank
someone else.
203
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,128
Someone who's really been there.
204
00:14:32,152 --> 00:14:36,043
Someone who taught me a lot
about poetry and Shakespeare...
205
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:39,630
...and just, like, you know,
staying awake, man.
206
00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:44,635
Someone who's just an overall
great guy and teacher.
207
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:47,721
To Howard Brackett
from Greenleaf, Indiana.
208
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,389
My God!
209
00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,601
I can't believe it.
210
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,188
And he's gay.
211
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:05,457
I've been thinking
a lot about this night...
212
00:15:05,656 --> 00:15:10,160
...and I've decided to dedicate this
whole night to a great gay teacher.
213
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,956
Mr. Brackett, we won!
214
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,609
Howard?
215
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,114
-Howard?
-Precious.
216
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,284
-What's he talking about?
-I have no idea!
217
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,079
What?!
218
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,336
Mom? Dad?
219
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,717
-Is there something you want to tell us?
-Something about the wedding?
220
00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:09,303
I'm not gay.
221
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:14,516
-Of course not. -No, no, no.
-My son's not gay.
222
00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:16,143
-No way!
-No how!
223
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:19,563
-No dice! -No, ma'am.
-No, sir!
224
00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:22,441
-But that boy on TV...
-I don't know what that was about.
225
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,438
I am outraged! I may hire
an attorney. I may sue!
226
00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:27,446
That's right.
That's a good idea.
227
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,199
Get that Johnnie Cochran,
not that woman.
228
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,366
Good idea.
229
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,660
Remember, he's been
in Hollywood a long time.
230
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,713
He may be under the influence of something.
Or he may have joined a cult.
231
00:16:37,737 --> 00:16:40,584
-My lord.
-That little zombie.
232
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,462
His family was...
I hate to say this...
233
00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:47,382
...but when they lived here,
they were not active in the PTA.
234
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:50,636
He used to mow our lawn.
Never again.
235
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:54,306
Howard,
we want you to know...
236
00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:57,100
...you're our son,
and we'll always love you...
237
00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,434
...gay, straight, red, green...
238
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,772
...if you rob a bank,
if you kill someone.
239
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:05,234
If you get drunk, climb a tower,
and take out the town.
240
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:08,028
As long as you get married.
241
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,738
I need that wedding.
242
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:13,534
I need some beauty, music,
and place cards before I die.
243
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,912
It's like heroin.
Do you hear me, Howard?
244
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:26,329
Emily, can we give you a lift?
245
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,092
Will you be all right?
246
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:35,097
Of course. I'm fine.
We're getting married.
247
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,598
I love you.
248
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,354
Good night.
249
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,361
Hello.
250
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,154
No, I'm not.
251
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:07,045
~Macho, macho man.
Macho man, yeah.
252
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:10,635
~I've got to be a macho man.
253
00:18:52,156 --> 00:18:53,216
Let's go.
254
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:09,233
There he is! That's him!
255
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:14,029
Howard!
256
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,328
Do you have a boyfriend?
257
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,872
I am getting married!
I am not gay!
258
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,167
Do you know Ellen?
259
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,712
A teacher in trouble,
a town under siege...
260
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,626
...a journey to the heartland.
261
00:19:32,650 --> 00:19:34,883
Peter Malloy.
Stay tuned.
262
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:36,176
Howard!
263
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,554
Should gays be allowed
to handle fresh produce?
264
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,317
I don't care!
This is a classroom!
265
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,144
Class.
266
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,063
So, where were we?
267
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:52,067
Romantic poetry.
Shakespeare.
268
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:54,611
Talented, English, dead.
269
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:55,863
The sonnets.
270
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,323
"Shall I compare thee
to a summer's gay?
271
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,869
"Thou art more lovely
and more temperate...
272
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:05,622
"Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May, and"...
273
00:20:16,967 --> 00:20:18,302
Ok.
274
00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:23,265
Let's get it out into the open.
What's on your mind?
275
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,435
Is it... true?
276
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:30,731
Of course not! I'm getting
married in 3 days!
277
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:34,067
See? I knew it!
Told you.
278
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:35,736
All right, class.
279
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:39,156
Why did he say it on TV
in front of the whole world?
280
00:20:39,180 --> 00:20:44,328
Were you incredibly embarrassed? Did you
want to stick a grenade in your mouth?
281
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:47,831
Class, class.
I don't know why he said it.
282
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:52,252
I've been trying to figure that out myself.
But that's not why we're here today.
283
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,713
-Mr. Brackett.
-Mike?
284
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,592
I've been thinking
about it all night.
285
00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:01,929
Why would he say you were gay?
And I got it figured out.
286
00:21:03,222 --> 00:21:06,074
-What have you got?
-Look at you.
287
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,318
I beg your pardon?
288
00:21:07,342 --> 00:21:10,052
No offense,
but you're an English teacher.
289
00:21:10,118 --> 00:21:10,938
Exactly.
290
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:14,274
All this poetry and odes
and bonnets.
291
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,609
Sonnets?
292
00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:17,830
And you're kinda prissy.
293
00:21:18,226 --> 00:21:20,695
-Prissy?
-Not in a bad way.
294
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,792
I mean you're smart.
-And well-dressed.
295
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,448
-And really clean.
-Doesn't look good.
296
00:21:26,472 --> 00:21:29,998
Plus, you got the drama club,
and you ride that bicycle.
297
00:21:30,052 --> 00:21:33,293
You've been engaged to
Miss Montgomery for 3 years.
298
00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:35,475
-What does that...
-Think about it.
299
00:21:35,476 --> 00:21:38,507
If you add it up, of course
the guy thinks you're gay!
300
00:21:40,097 --> 00:21:44,555
Plus, he was in that movie...
301
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:48,141
...so his brain is, like,
already going that way...
302
00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:51,144
...and then he remembers you...
303
00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:55,275
...and he goes, "Smart, clean,
totally decent human being...
304
00:21:55,467 --> 00:21:56,823
..."gay"!
305
00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:03,876
-Gays in the space program?
-Lesbians on Mars?
306
00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:06,417
-Do you have any comment?
-Excuse me.
307
00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:12,290
-Mr. Brackett. Boys and girls.
-Mr. Halliwell.
308
00:22:12,642 --> 00:22:16,879
-Howard, could I...
-Class, excuse me.
309
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,782
The school is surrounded.
There are TV cameras, reporters.
310
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:23,110
See? They want pictures
of the gay guy!
311
00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:30,517
I tried to reason with them.
I told them I was the principal, and...
312
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:34,563
...they mocked me.
-I'm sorry.
313
00:22:34,605 --> 00:22:38,442
-Could you talk to them?
-Right away.
314
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:43,113
Class, page 58.
Learn all you can.
315
00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:44,907
-Mr. Brackett.
-Yes?
316
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:49,995
-Watch the hands.
-Good point.
317
00:22:51,497 --> 00:22:56,293
-Howard, are you gay?
-Howard! Howard, please!
318
00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:59,255
I'm sorry.
The jury's still out on this.
319
00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:01,798
No way. He's been here
for how many years?
320
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,884
Come on.
I always knew.
321
00:23:03,926 --> 00:23:06,637
I say bravo.
It's a blow for freedom.
322
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:09,306
Good for Howard.
To quote Mr. Bob Dylan...
323
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:13,559
"How many roads must a man walk
down before we call him a man?"
324
00:23:13,583 --> 00:23:16,438
-Ed, don't. It's early.
-Knew what?
325
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,316
~And how many seas
must the white dove sail...
326
00:23:19,358 --> 00:23:22,027
-Ed, please.
~before she sleeps...
327
00:23:22,069 --> 00:23:23,738
-Shut up, Ed!
-Trina.
328
00:23:23,762 --> 00:23:26,907
-We're talking about Howard.
-Why are we talking about Howard?
329
00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,576
'Cause he likes dick.
330
00:23:33,622 --> 00:23:36,208
Good morning, everyone.
How are you?
331
00:23:36,959 --> 00:23:39,628
-Terrific!
-Fabulous.
332
00:23:39,670 --> 00:23:42,422
Is that Xerox
still on the fritz?
333
00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:44,591
-How are you, sunshine?
-Fine.
334
00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:46,635
Look at you.
335
00:23:46,677 --> 00:23:48,512
Dick who?
336
00:23:48,554 --> 00:23:51,265
He's getting married
this week.
337
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,934
See? He's not gay.
I told you.
338
00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:56,311
But think about it.
I mean, gay guys.
339
00:23:56,353 --> 00:23:57,771
I don't wanna think about it.
340
00:23:57,813 --> 00:24:01,149
There's only 2 times
where it's ok to do gay stuff.
341
00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:04,570
2 emergency situations.
-What? Which situations?
342
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:07,823
Prison, when it's like a substitute
or guys in space.
343
00:24:07,865 --> 00:24:09,032
Guys in space?
344
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:13,162
Not on purpose. It just happens
because they're weightless...
345
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:16,165
...and they float into each other
when they're asleep.
346
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,043
You're so lame.
347
00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:25,591
I know it's wrong. It's against,
like, nature. Basic plumbing.
348
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:26,758
What?
349
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,594
It's the human body.
350
00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:32,097
It's divided up into
in-holes and out-holes.
351
00:24:32,139 --> 00:24:35,601
Stuff is supposed to go in the in-holes
and come out the out-holes.
352
00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:40,314
But gay guys, they put stuff
in the out-holes.
353
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:44,484
Wait.
So is your mouth an in-hole?
354
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:48,030
Right. 'Cause you put
burgers in it and brew.
355
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:52,666
Unless you're sick, and puke.
Then it's an out-hole, so it's wrong.
356
00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:58,624
Guys, come on!
Hustle!
357
00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,834
You'll be late for class.
Let's go!
358
00:25:02,545 --> 00:25:04,407
What's going on?
359
00:25:05,214 --> 00:25:10,344
-Mr. Brackett, could you excuse us?
-Why?
360
00:25:11,603 --> 00:25:16,808
-Mike's being a jerk.
-No. Just until we're dressed and ready.
361
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:21,020
This has nothing to do with the
Oscars and Cameron Drake does it?
362
00:25:21,044 --> 00:25:23,463
No. Come on.
363
00:25:24,483 --> 00:25:26,493
What is it, then?
364
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:30,697
It's just, before the Oscars it was
different. I mean, you weren't...
365
00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:34,380
I wasn't what?
366
00:25:36,662 --> 00:25:37,996
Famous.
367
00:25:45,003 --> 00:25:46,881
You guys.
368
00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:11,029
-Peter Malloy, network.
-No. No more interviews.
369
00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:13,977
I have nothing to say.
I have no comments.
370
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:18,658
I have no thoughts on gay marriage
I did not see "The Birdcage".
371
00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:21,465
I'm trying to have my dinner.
-Of course. I'm sorry.
372
00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:24,647
You should be. What are you
sitting down for? You people.
373
00:26:24,648 --> 00:26:27,786
Have some decency.
You've been hounding me all day.
374
00:26:27,863 --> 00:26:31,091
At my school, at my home.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
375
00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:33,374
I am. Those leeches.
376
00:26:33,398 --> 00:26:36,713
They have no right to pry into your life.
They're sleazy.
377
00:26:36,714 --> 00:26:38,807
I don't know.
I kinda like that Barbara Walters.
378
00:26:38,849 --> 00:26:42,144
-Did Barbara call you?
-No.
379
00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:46,773
Howard.
380
00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:49,109
-Howard!
-No!
381
00:26:49,151 --> 00:26:50,277
Howard.
382
00:26:50,319 --> 00:26:53,322
Leave me alone,
you smut peddler!
383
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:54,448
You professional gossip...
384
00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:56,723
...with a permanent tan!
-Will you get real?
385
00:26:58,035 --> 00:26:59,623
-Look at me.
-Why?
386
00:26:59,647 --> 00:27:03,144
Sure, I look great,
but my ratings.
387
00:27:03,168 --> 00:27:06,293
Everyone wants to talk to
Diane Sawyer or Joan Lunden.
388
00:27:06,335 --> 00:27:10,957
My network's killing me. They want me blond.
-With your coloring?
389
00:27:10,981 --> 00:27:15,438
All those reporters, after today,
they're gone. They got their story.
390
00:27:15,439 --> 00:27:19,172
But I care.
I am doing a full week.
391
00:27:20,057 --> 00:27:23,602
-A week? No. You can't.
-But I have to. It's too good.
392
00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:26,686
No. I have classes to teach.
I'm getting married.
393
00:27:26,710 --> 00:27:29,666
-I'll be there.
-No. I'll kill you.
394
00:27:29,690 --> 00:27:32,875
But it's classic. Sex, a small town,
and a movie star.
395
00:27:32,899 --> 00:27:37,032
Why can't you see that?
"Howard Brackett: In and out".
396
00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:42,339
My God.
You are pure television.
397
00:27:42,699 --> 00:27:43,957
Stop it.
398
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:46,280
Good night.
399
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,678
Guys, remember...
-I got that. -Thanks.
400
00:27:57,719 --> 00:28:01,807
Don't say nothing about
the Oscars or Cameron Drake.
401
00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:06,103
I think he's coming.
402
00:28:18,866 --> 00:28:20,367
He's here!
403
00:28:20,409 --> 00:28:21,785
Yeah!
404
00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:28,125
Yeah, baby!
405
00:28:28,167 --> 00:28:31,879
-Are we gonna have a bachelor party?
-Yes!
406
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,964
-We gonna get down and dirty?
-Yes!
407
00:28:34,006 --> 00:28:37,259
-Disgustingly puking?
-Yeah!
408
00:28:37,301 --> 00:28:40,060
We've been working
on this for weeks.
409
00:28:40,061 --> 00:28:42,723
We got all your favorite stuff,
everything you love!
410
00:28:42,744 --> 00:28:45,475
-Hit me!
-Here, Howard.
411
00:28:45,517 --> 00:28:50,105
What are we talking about, triple X?
Little Oral Annie? Traci Lords?
412
00:28:50,147 --> 00:28:53,609
Lay some adult video on me.
-We got it... uncut.
413
00:28:53,650 --> 00:28:56,820
"Funny Girl"!
-Yeah!
414
00:29:00,157 --> 00:29:02,743
-"Funny Girl"?
-Yeah.
415
00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:05,078
I don't believe this.
Barbra Streisand?
416
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,280
-You had that film festival last year.
-You made us watch all her movies.
417
00:29:09,304 --> 00:29:13,086
-It was fun.
-Guys. Guys, I'm truly offended.
418
00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:15,589
Don't you see
this is precisely the reason...
419
00:29:15,631 --> 00:29:17,841
...why Cameron Drake
and half the civilized world...
420
00:29:17,883 --> 00:29:19,801
...think that I'm...
you know.
421
00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:22,095
-No!
-No!
422
00:29:22,137 --> 00:29:24,765
-You're a guy's guy!
-No, no.
423
00:29:24,806 --> 00:29:29,603
I don't know how this got started
but this is my goddamn bachelor party...
424
00:29:29,645 --> 00:29:31,939
...and I am not going
to goddamn watch...
425
00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:34,900
...pardon my split infinitive...
"Funny Girl"!
426
00:29:34,942 --> 00:29:37,611
-Me, neither. I hate that crap.
-Thank you.
427
00:29:37,653 --> 00:29:39,895
-You got "A Star is Born"?
-Sure.
428
00:29:39,896 --> 00:29:42,241
-"A Star is Born"?
-She looks bad in it.
429
00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:44,952
-"Yentl".
-"Yentl!"
430
00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:48,080
-I'd watch it again.
-I love "Yentl"!
431
00:29:48,121 --> 00:29:51,625
-Yeah! "Papa, can you hear me?"
-Produced and directed.
432
00:29:51,667 --> 00:29:56,630
Dudes, hombres, guys!
I'm sorry. I am truly offended.
433
00:29:56,672 --> 00:29:59,831
I thought I knew you guys.
I thought you were studs.
434
00:30:02,427 --> 00:30:04,305
I guess I thought wrong.
435
00:30:04,689 --> 00:30:06,682
I'm outta here.
-Howard.
436
00:30:06,723 --> 00:30:09,448
Maybe he's right.
"Yentl" sucks.
437
00:30:14,189 --> 00:30:15,763
What did you say?
438
00:30:16,692 --> 00:30:18,757
It sucks. It's boring.
439
00:30:23,365 --> 00:30:25,251
Say that again.
440
00:30:29,413 --> 00:30:32,958
She was too old for "Yentl"!
441
00:30:56,398 --> 00:30:59,555
I guess you heard the latest story.
Michael Jackson getting married again.
442
00:30:59,597 --> 00:31:02,945
Yes, it's true and this time
he's made the perfect choice.
443
00:31:03,030 --> 00:31:04,902
Howard Brackett.
Yes, Howard Brackett.
444
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,580
This is Peter Malloy with day two of
"Howard Brackett: Will there be a wedding?"
445
00:31:11,622 --> 00:31:14,082
I'm with Aldo Hooper,
Howard's barber.
446
00:31:14,124 --> 00:31:18,045
-Stylist... razor cuts, color, full blow dry.
-That's very nice.
447
00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:20,797
What do you think?
Will there be a wedding?
448
00:31:20,839 --> 00:31:24,551
Howard is booked for Saturday.
A full styling. I say yes.
449
00:31:25,677 --> 00:31:28,096
Emmett Wilson, who has just
delivered Howard's mail...
450
00:31:28,138 --> 00:31:31,099
...his intimate correspondence,
letters to a legend.
451
00:31:31,141 --> 00:31:32,601
Anything we should know?
452
00:31:32,643 --> 00:31:35,398
I can't reveal that.
I'm a postal employee.
453
00:31:35,422 --> 00:31:36,605
Don't make him mad.
454
00:31:36,647 --> 00:31:40,442
Of course he's getting married.
He's a man of his word.
455
00:31:40,484 --> 00:31:42,778
Is this national?
-You bet.
456
00:31:42,819 --> 00:31:47,324
Please, use your full zip codes.
457
00:31:47,366 --> 00:31:49,284
Greenleaf High,
cradle of crisis.
458
00:31:49,326 --> 00:31:52,043
Howard's seniors...
youth in the crossfire.
459
00:31:52,067 --> 00:31:54,915
Tell us in your own innocent
young words, is he gay?
460
00:31:54,957 --> 00:31:59,127
Oh, no. He told us.
It was all this huge mistake.
461
00:31:59,169 --> 00:32:03,090
It happened 'cause he
likes poetry and uses a napkin.
462
00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:05,592
-Unlike some people.
-What?
463
00:32:05,634 --> 00:32:08,595
Teens in turmoil.
And your message to America?
464
00:32:08,637 --> 00:32:10,597
Greenleaf rules! Yeah!
465
00:32:10,639 --> 00:32:13,100
Kids on the edge.
A community in chaos.
466
00:32:13,141 --> 00:32:16,520
Indiana cries out.
Howard, can you hear?
467
00:32:23,151 --> 00:32:26,989
Howard, you got a minute?
468
00:32:29,658 --> 00:32:31,451
Howard...
469
00:32:32,494 --> 00:32:35,622
...your life,
I mean, since...
470
00:32:35,664 --> 00:32:38,792
...since the Oscars,
I can only imagine.
471
00:32:38,834 --> 00:32:43,797
It's over now. It's fine. It's just fine.
It's all ancient history.
472
00:32:43,839 --> 00:32:46,633
We do have graduation
coming up Monday...
473
00:32:46,675 --> 00:32:51,805
...and you kind of put us
right in the spotlight.
474
00:32:51,847 --> 00:32:53,473
I'm so sorry, Tom.
475
00:32:53,515 --> 00:32:57,269
I'd be less than honest
if I didn't tell you...
476
00:32:57,311 --> 00:33:03,317
...that I've gotten some calls
from parents...
477
00:33:03,358 --> 00:33:08,530
...wondering if, in fact,
you were a ho... ho...
478
00:33:08,572 --> 00:33:11,658
...h-ho... h-ho...
-Home room teacher?
479
00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:13,619
Homo-homosexual.
480
00:33:15,204 --> 00:33:20,376
-Tom, do I look like a homosexual?
-Would you walk for me?
481
00:33:21,126 --> 00:33:22,587
Excuse me.
482
00:33:23,337 --> 00:33:26,256
-Howard?
-Yes.
483
00:33:26,298 --> 00:33:28,884
Do you enjoy teaching?
484
00:33:29,968 --> 00:33:31,803
No, I don't enjoy it.
485
00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:36,141
-You don't?
-No, I love it. It's my life.
486
00:33:36,183 --> 00:33:39,478
Then you'd miss it?
487
00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:48,987
-Are you threatening me?
-No, no. I'm your friend.
488
00:33:49,029 --> 00:33:51,657
Friends don't threaten.
489
00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:53,742
No, they don't.
490
00:33:53,784 --> 00:33:55,786
Friends warn.
491
00:33:56,410 --> 00:33:57,762
And you...
492
00:33:58,288 --> 00:34:01,625
...you are getting married,
aren't you?
493
00:34:02,265 --> 00:34:07,923
But are you saying that if I weren't
getting married, I'd be fired?
494
00:34:09,633 --> 00:34:12,761
-But that's not an issue, is it?
-No.
495
00:34:13,971 --> 00:34:15,500
Best wishes.
496
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:32,114
-Hi. -Bless you, my son.
-Thank you.
497
00:34:32,156 --> 00:34:34,199
Would you like to tell me
your sins?
498
00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:36,618
Yes.
499
00:34:36,660 --> 00:34:40,581
First of all, I'm not Catholic.
-Then why are you here?
500
00:34:40,622 --> 00:34:44,001
I have a friend who's Catholic,
and he's very busy.
501
00:34:44,042 --> 00:34:49,006
Aren't you helpful? What are his,
you know, sins? Your friend's?
502
00:34:49,047 --> 00:34:53,135
He's a plumber,
and he's about to be married.
503
00:34:53,177 --> 00:34:57,055
He's been engaged for 3 years.
-Caution is a virtue.
504
00:34:57,139 --> 00:34:59,474
Yeah, but everyone's...
505
00:34:59,516 --> 00:35:03,061
Everyone's saying something
about him that isn't true.
506
00:35:03,145 --> 00:35:06,190
It's not a bad thing,
but he isn't that thing.
507
00:35:06,231 --> 00:35:09,902
Which thing are people
saying about him?
508
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:11,945
That...
509
00:35:13,322 --> 00:35:15,866
That he's gay.
-That he's what?
510
00:35:17,034 --> 00:35:18,744
That he's gay.
511
00:35:18,785 --> 00:35:21,413
-Oh, my.
-Yeah.
512
00:35:22,956 --> 00:35:25,629
That's rather like that fellow
on the Oscars.
513
00:35:25,653 --> 00:35:29,087
That Howard Brackett
from over at Greenleaf.
514
00:35:29,171 --> 00:35:32,341
-It's not him. It's a different guy.
-What is it he wants to know?
515
00:35:32,382 --> 00:35:34,927
He wants to know
what he should do.
516
00:35:34,968 --> 00:35:37,304
What is the right thing?
He needs to know...
517
00:35:37,346 --> 00:35:39,640
His mother's planning
this huge wedding...
518
00:35:39,681 --> 00:35:43,644
...with the whole town,
and it's her whole life.
519
00:35:43,685 --> 00:35:45,604
It's gonna be beautiful...
520
00:35:45,646 --> 00:35:51,485
...but he doesn't want
to leave this town.
521
00:35:51,527 --> 00:35:57,889
He has this wonderful fiancee
who's sweet and thin and...
522
00:35:57,913 --> 00:36:01,453
...he just has never had a physical
relationship with her.
523
00:36:01,495 --> 00:36:05,082
-Never? In 3 years?
-He respects her.
524
00:36:05,123 --> 00:36:06,500
-He's gay.
-No, he's not.
525
00:36:06,542 --> 00:36:09,461
-Yes, he is.
-No, he can't... no.
526
00:36:10,087 --> 00:36:14,466
Then he must go to her.
He's got to find out.
527
00:36:14,508 --> 00:36:20,013
He must be, you know,
be with her. Huh?
528
00:36:20,055 --> 00:36:21,765
Really?
529
00:36:24,142 --> 00:36:25,978
Before the wedding?
530
00:36:27,312 --> 00:36:29,390
Godspeed, my son.
531
00:36:30,983 --> 00:36:32,776
Let's do Michael.
532
00:36:49,084 --> 00:36:52,087
Emily!
533
00:36:52,129 --> 00:36:53,672
-Howard.
-Emily.
534
00:36:53,714 --> 00:36:54,882
Howard.
535
00:36:56,633 --> 00:36:59,136
Howard.
536
00:36:59,178 --> 00:37:02,556
We're getting married.
We are.
537
00:37:02,598 --> 00:37:05,601
Of course we're...
I'm glad we're getting married.
538
00:37:09,438 --> 00:37:13,574
-Howard!
-Who's gay, huh?
539
00:37:14,443 --> 00:37:16,069
Howard.
540
00:37:24,953 --> 00:37:29,917
-Howard, what is all this?
-I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure.
541
00:37:29,958 --> 00:37:31,668
Could you turn him off?
542
00:37:31,710 --> 00:37:35,964
Howard. Howard, I love you.
I'm not worried.
543
00:37:36,006 --> 00:37:38,967
-You don't understand.
-Of course I do.
544
00:37:39,009 --> 00:37:42,554
Look at your life.
The Oscars, the press.
545
00:37:42,596 --> 00:37:44,848
It's no wonder
you're going crazy.
546
00:37:44,890 --> 00:37:46,600
-It doesn't matter.
-Why not?
547
00:37:46,642 --> 00:37:49,728
Because I love you,
and we're getting married.
548
00:37:49,770 --> 00:37:51,897
You still want that, Howard,
don't you?
549
00:37:52,773 --> 00:37:58,695
That's why I transformed myself, isn't it?
You want me to start eating again?
550
00:37:58,779 --> 00:38:02,866
-No!
-I can, Howard! I'm very fragile!
551
00:38:06,286 --> 00:38:07,496
I love you.
552
00:38:34,648 --> 00:38:36,608
My God! Howard!
553
00:38:36,650 --> 00:38:38,610
Howard, you ok?
554
00:38:40,154 --> 00:38:45,576
No. No, I'm not ok.
I've never been so not ok in my life.
555
00:38:45,617 --> 00:38:48,036
I tried to stop.
556
00:38:48,078 --> 00:38:52,124
One week ago, I was fine.
I was perfect.
557
00:38:54,501 --> 00:38:56,587
I want my life back!
558
00:38:56,628 --> 00:39:01,383
That is not going to happen.
Your life has changed.
559
00:39:01,425 --> 00:39:06,388
But why is this happening? I haven't changed.
One little word and everybody changes.
560
00:39:06,430 --> 00:39:09,933
I'm still the same person.
Why doesn't anyone believe me?
561
00:39:09,969 --> 00:39:13,061
This town is crazy about you.
I've talked to everyone.
562
00:39:13,103 --> 00:39:15,731
Stop! That's the problem!
It's you!
563
00:39:15,772 --> 00:39:19,943
You're trying to turn me into a story
into something juicy for your show!
564
00:39:20,490 --> 00:39:22,984
I am not a sound byte!
I'm... look, I'm...
565
00:39:25,407 --> 00:39:28,160
I'm hurting the people
I care about.
566
00:39:28,202 --> 00:39:31,580
My students, my family, Emily.
I love Emily!
567
00:39:31,622 --> 00:39:35,448
Then think about
what you're doing to her.
568
00:39:35,472 --> 00:39:38,086
Will you...
You're like talking to...
569
00:39:38,879 --> 00:39:42,758
Why am I talking to you? You couldn't
possibly understand what this is like!
570
00:39:42,782 --> 00:39:44,639
Howard, I'm gay.
571
00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:48,075
-You're what?
-I'm gay. I came out.
572
00:39:50,133 --> 00:39:52,809
-To whom?
-To everyone.
573
00:39:52,851 --> 00:39:56,248
My folks, my boss, my dog.
574
00:39:56,290 --> 00:39:58,524
One day, I just snapped.
575
00:39:58,565 --> 00:40:02,861
I just got tired of switching pronouns
and remembering to lower my voice...
576
00:40:02,903 --> 00:40:05,864
...and I couldn't take lying
to the people that I love.
577
00:40:05,906 --> 00:40:08,200
Does that sound familiar?
-No.
578
00:40:08,242 --> 00:40:12,496
So I just said,
"Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay".
579
00:40:13,914 --> 00:40:15,209
What happened?
580
00:40:16,291 --> 00:40:20,629
My mom cried for exactly 10",
my boss said, "Who cares?"...
581
00:40:20,671 --> 00:40:23,465
...and my dad said,
"But you're so tall".
582
00:40:23,507 --> 00:40:27,756
Everyone surprised me
once I let them...
583
00:40:27,780 --> 00:40:29,388
...once I trusted them.
584
00:40:29,429 --> 00:40:35,394
Sometimes the worst thing you think
can happen turns out to be the best thing.
585
00:40:37,020 --> 00:40:39,314
-For you.
-For anyone.
586
00:40:39,356 --> 00:40:43,925
-But I'm not gay!
-What was Streisand's 8th album?
587
00:40:43,949 --> 00:40:46,738
-"Color me, Barbra". -Stud.
-Everyone knows that!
588
00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:50,075
Everyone where? The Little
Gay Bar on the Prairie?
589
00:40:50,117 --> 00:40:52,870
You know what you need?
-I need a wedding! I need...
590
00:41:15,309 --> 00:41:17,853
-You kissed me.
-You noticed.
591
00:41:19,146 --> 00:41:22,065
This is not Los Angeles.
592
00:41:22,107 --> 00:41:26,612
-People don't kiss in Greenleaf?
-Not at an intersection!
593
00:41:27,946 --> 00:41:30,324
Stop.
Hello, sweetheart!
594
00:41:30,365 --> 00:41:33,410
Mom! Dad! Hi.
595
00:41:33,452 --> 00:41:36,371
-Look, it's the cake.
-Yeah, well...
596
00:41:36,413 --> 00:41:40,125
-Everything ok there?
-Fine. This is my Peter... friend Peter.
597
00:41:40,167 --> 00:41:44,171
We ran into each other at the intersexual.
Homosection... intersection.
598
00:41:44,213 --> 00:41:45,756
I gotta go.
599
00:41:46,924 --> 00:41:49,885
-It's that fella from TV.
-Thank you.
600
00:41:49,927 --> 00:41:52,888
If you're Howard's buddy,
I hope you come to the wedding.
601
00:41:54,264 --> 00:41:55,474
The wedding.
602
00:41:55,516 --> 00:41:59,144
That's right.
Sunday morning, 9:00 a. m.
603
00:41:59,186 --> 00:42:02,231
Gotta go prepare myself.
It's formal, you know?
604
00:42:36,181 --> 00:42:40,519
Welcome to our series
on exploring your masculinity.
605
00:42:40,561 --> 00:42:44,648
This is audio tape number one...
"Getting a Grip".
606
00:42:45,858 --> 00:42:48,694
Are you dressed
in suitably masculine attire?
607
00:42:49,695 --> 00:42:50,821
Very.
608
00:42:50,863 --> 00:42:53,157
-Are you in control?
-Yes.
609
00:42:53,198 --> 00:42:55,200
Are you ready to take charge?
610
00:42:56,702 --> 00:42:59,163
Are you a man?
611
00:42:59,204 --> 00:43:00,998
Yes!
612
00:43:01,039 --> 00:43:02,124
Stand up.
613
00:43:06,461 --> 00:43:08,797
Stand straight and tall.
614
00:43:09,798 --> 00:43:12,134
Excuse me,
are we a little teapot?
615
00:43:13,635 --> 00:43:15,137
Untuck your shirt.
616
00:43:16,805 --> 00:43:18,473
Just one side.
617
00:43:22,019 --> 00:43:25,272
You hate this, don't you?
-Look at it!
618
00:43:25,314 --> 00:43:28,817
You want to be neat.
You want to be tidy.
619
00:43:28,859 --> 00:43:30,777
Adjust yourself.
620
00:43:32,488 --> 00:43:34,114
Not there.
621
00:43:34,156 --> 00:43:38,827
The package, sissy man.
The family jewels.
622
00:43:41,288 --> 00:43:42,623
Grab 'em.
623
00:43:44,666 --> 00:43:47,169
-You're in a barroom.
-Ok.
624
00:43:47,211 --> 00:43:48,712
Repeat after me.
625
00:43:48,754 --> 00:43:51,131
-"Yo".
-Yo!
626
00:43:51,173 --> 00:43:53,133
-"Hot damn".
-Hot damn!
627
00:43:53,175 --> 00:43:55,135
"What a fabulous
window treatment".
628
00:43:55,177 --> 00:43:57,387
-What a fabulous...
-That was a trick.
629
00:43:57,429 --> 00:43:59,598
Damn!
630
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:03,560
We've come to the most critical
area of masculine behavior.
631
00:44:03,584 --> 00:44:05,812
-What?
-Dancing.
632
00:44:05,854 --> 00:44:09,024
~At first I was afraid
I was petrified.
633
00:44:09,066 --> 00:44:10,192
Dancing.
634
00:44:10,234 --> 00:44:13,779
Truly manly men
do not dance.
635
00:44:13,821 --> 00:44:15,072
Come on!
636
00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:19,868
Under any circumstances.
This will be your ultimate test.
637
00:44:19,910 --> 00:44:25,791
At all costs avoid rhythm,
grace and pleasure.
638
00:44:25,833 --> 00:44:28,627
Whatever you do, do not dance.
639
00:44:31,547 --> 00:44:32,714
I won't!
640
00:44:32,756 --> 00:44:34,299
Can you hear it?
641
00:44:34,341 --> 00:44:35,467
Yes.
642
00:44:35,509 --> 00:44:37,719
Can you hear the demon?
643
00:44:37,761 --> 00:44:40,180
"Dance" the demon whispers.
644
00:44:41,181 --> 00:44:45,143
Everyone else is dancing.
They're getting down.
645
00:44:45,185 --> 00:44:48,146
They're getting funky now.
They're having fun!
646
00:44:48,188 --> 00:44:50,149
-Not you!
-No.
647
00:44:50,190 --> 00:44:54,319
Catch the fever.
Feel the heat of the disco beat.
648
00:44:54,945 --> 00:44:58,157
It's calling to you.
Do not listen!
649
00:44:58,198 --> 00:45:00,159
Men do not dance.
650
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,745
They work, they drink,
they have bad backs.
651
00:45:03,787 --> 00:45:07,082
They do not dance.
Hold still. Hold tight.
652
00:45:07,124 --> 00:45:10,294
Whatever you do,
do not dance!
653
00:45:15,632 --> 00:45:18,218
What are you doing?
654
00:45:18,260 --> 00:45:21,889
Stop dancing, you big ballerina!
655
00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:23,974
Stop waving those hands!
656
00:45:26,143 --> 00:45:28,604
Aren't you listening, you pantywaist?
657
00:45:28,645 --> 00:45:31,482
Stop it!
Stop shaking that booty!
658
00:45:33,233 --> 00:45:36,945
Be a man!
Dick someone! Punch someone!
659
00:45:36,987 --> 00:45:38,780
Bite someone's ear!
660
00:45:41,325 --> 00:45:43,368
Stop it!
Get a grip!
661
00:45:44,745 --> 00:45:48,790
Think about John Wayne.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
662
00:45:48,832 --> 00:45:52,377
Arnold doesn't dance!
He can barely walk.
663
00:45:52,419 --> 00:45:57,633
Stop it! Stop it!
Just stop dancing!
664
00:45:59,176 --> 00:46:02,095
So...