1 00:00:23,261 --> 00:00:25,161 And they wonder why those of us in our twenties... 2 00:00:25,361 --> 00:00:27,661 refuse to work an 80-hour week... 3 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,060 just so we can afford to buy their BMWs... 4 00:00:31,095 --> 00:00:33,125 why we aren't interested... 5 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,660 in the counterculture that they invented... 6 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:38,860 as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution... 7 00:00:38,895 --> 00:00:41,327 for a pair of running shoes. 8 00:00:41,362 --> 00:00:43,911 But the question remains... 9 00:00:43,946 --> 00:00:46,424 what are we going to do now? 10 00:00:46,459 --> 00:00:50,559 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 11 00:00:50,594 --> 00:00:54,559 Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. 12 00:00:54,594 --> 00:00:55,959 The answer is... 13 00:01:07,058 --> 00:01:09,008 The answer is... 14 00:01:09,043 --> 00:01:10,958 I don't know. 15 00:01:20,657 --> 00:01:22,657 Good save, Lelaina. 16 00:01:23,757 --> 00:01:26,807 I'm not a valedictorian, but I play one on TV. 17 00:01:26,842 --> 00:01:29,857 We all know you slept your way to the podium. 18 00:01:35,956 --> 00:01:38,721 My favorite part about graduating now would be... 19 00:01:38,756 --> 00:01:41,756 dodging my student-loan officer for the rest of my life. 20 00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:43,221 He will be in cahoots... 21 00:01:43,256 --> 00:01:45,256 with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy... 22 00:01:45,291 --> 00:01:49,055 who's been after my ass for years. 23 00:01:49,155 --> 00:01:51,755 Troy Dyer, I brought you back a souvenir. 24 00:01:51,855 --> 00:01:52,755 Ah... 25 00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:55,755 You know, you can still go back next year and graduate... 26 00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:57,255 still get your BFA. 27 00:01:57,355 --> 00:02:01,255 Oh, can I? And then I can hang this on my rearview mirror... 28 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:04,754 to brag to all my good buddies back home that I graduated. 29 00:02:04,854 --> 00:02:07,454 Well, I through with the whole life drama. 30 00:02:10,954 --> 00:02:13,154 Well, I know this sounds cornball... 31 00:02:13,354 --> 00:02:18,653 but I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. 32 00:02:20,853 --> 00:02:24,253 And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. 33 00:02:25,253 --> 00:02:28,218 And you wonder why we never got involved. 34 00:02:28,253 --> 00:02:30,753 Three words... November sixteenth nineteen-ninety... 35 00:02:30,788 --> 00:02:32,570 Oh, totally drunk and out of my mind! 36 00:02:32,605 --> 00:02:34,478 It would have been a poetic experience... 37 00:02:34,513 --> 00:02:36,932 if I weren't such a gentleman, which I am. 38 00:02:36,967 --> 00:02:39,352 Just let it go, Dyer. Surrender the fantasy. 39 00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:43,352 Hey, Sammy, what's your goal? 40 00:02:43,387 --> 00:02:45,052 My goal is to... 41 00:02:46,352 --> 00:02:48,852 Like a career or something. 42 00:02:56,351 --> 00:02:59,351 Lainie, I think the moment has been appropriately captured. 43 00:02:59,386 --> 00:03:02,351 Would you please take your face out of the camera? 44 00:03:02,386 --> 00:03:04,850 Come on. It's for my documentary. 45 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,250 Her... 46 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,650 Documentary. 47 00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:14,550 Think fast. 48 00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:21,349 Here's the deal. 49 00:03:21,449 --> 00:03:23,849 I'm going to take Sam against his will... 50 00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:26,399 and straighten him out because I truly believe... 51 00:03:26,434 --> 00:03:28,849 that if we can get two women on the Supreme Court... 52 00:03:28,884 --> 00:03:31,149 we can get at least one on you, Sam. 53 00:03:33,449 --> 00:03:35,449 I'm Superman. 54 00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:38,448 - I can fly. - She's toast. 55 00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:39,413 Aah! 56 00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:41,848 Quick, Vickie. What's your social security? 57 00:03:41,948 --> 00:03:45,848 Uh... 851-25-9357. 58 00:03:45,948 --> 00:03:47,748 Very impressive. 59 00:03:47,948 --> 00:03:50,748 It's the only thing I really learned in college. 60 00:03:53,947 --> 00:03:58,012 Sometimes I get that "not so fresh" feeling. 61 00:03:58,047 --> 00:04:01,947 Conjunction junction, what's your function? 62 00:04:01,982 --> 00:04:05,914 Hooking up words and phrases and clauses 63 00:04:05,949 --> 00:04:10,447 Conjunction junction, how's that function? 64 00:04:10,482 --> 00:04:14,946 Got three favorite cars that get most of my... 65 00:04:28,445 --> 00:04:31,945 Honey, honey. No, no, no. 66 00:04:40,844 --> 00:04:42,909 Is yours good? 67 00:04:42,944 --> 00:04:44,944 It doesn't seem fresh. 68 00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:46,744 I'm sorry. 69 00:04:51,444 --> 00:04:53,809 Well, I guess it's about time... 70 00:04:53,844 --> 00:04:56,143 for me to give you your graduation present, huh? 71 00:04:58,443 --> 00:04:59,908 Your... gas card. 72 00:04:59,943 --> 00:05:01,643 I'll pay that bill for one year. 73 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,943 And since Helen Anne's got herself a brand-new Infinity... 74 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,943 we're gonna give you her old BMW. 75 00:05:07,043 --> 00:05:09,243 You can pick it up at our house. 76 00:05:09,278 --> 00:05:13,507 - BMW? BMW? - Yeah. 77 00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:16,542 Tom, didn't you listen to her speech today? 78 00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:18,609 She didn't want a BMW. 79 00:05:18,644 --> 00:05:20,607 Mom, I'll handle this. 80 00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:22,107 I'm not gonna sit here and listen again... 81 00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:24,642 to some strange ethical argument about a damn car. 82 00:05:24,842 --> 00:05:26,591 Now, it's got four wheels. It runs well. 83 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,341 And, little darling, after you've been... 84 00:05:28,376 --> 00:05:29,858 in the real world for a while... 85 00:05:29,893 --> 00:05:31,306 you're gonna appreciate that car. 86 00:05:31,341 --> 00:05:33,441 Yeah. Just think of all those starving children in Africa... 87 00:05:33,641 --> 00:05:35,441 who don't even have cars. 88 00:05:35,641 --> 00:05:37,341 Troy, does your father give you gifts like that? 89 00:05:37,376 --> 00:05:38,406 Mom. 90 00:05:38,441 --> 00:05:40,940 Well, actually, my father's dying of prostate cancer... 91 00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,540 so I don't really trouble him much for gifts. 92 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,505 See, Tom. 93 00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:52,390 You don't want a BMW. Tell him, Lelaina. 94 00:05:52,425 --> 00:05:55,205 Charlane, she can make up her own mind. 95 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:59,339 Dad, don't talk to her that way. She's not a child. 96 00:05:59,539 --> 00:06:01,039 Well, she married one. 97 00:06:03,339 --> 00:06:04,339 What? 98 00:06:06,339 --> 00:06:09,339 All right. Excuse me. Come on, come on. 99 00:06:09,374 --> 00:06:11,339 Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW... 100 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,338 until I can afford to buy a regular car myself, OK? 101 00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,255 OK, Mom? 102 00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,103 Please? 103 00:06:18,138 --> 00:06:19,738 Mom, please, come on. 104 00:06:28,737 --> 00:06:31,437 Get a Ford. 105 00:06:59,735 --> 00:07:04,485 Just to float on the sea 106 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:09,235 Find myself on a page of history 107 00:07:10,735 --> 00:07:13,535 You know, as I ride along 108 00:07:13,735 --> 00:07:16,699 I can always hear the song 109 00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:22,234 about you and where you're meant to be 110 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:27,184 Well, you're gonna tell me the answers 111 00:07:27,219 --> 00:07:30,633 I'll know when you come back to me 112 00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:48,532 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 113 00:07:48,632 --> 00:07:52,232 I hear you call, I will run 114 00:07:53,732 --> 00:07:59,432 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 115 00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:04,231 We won't cry, because it could be fun 116 00:08:06,531 --> 00:08:10,531 Well, I'm gonna tell you the answers 117 00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:14,531 You'll know when you come back to me 118 00:08:30,430 --> 00:08:35,594 Gonna be all right 119 00:08:35,629 --> 00:08:38,229 When you come back to me 120 00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:23,326 Good morning! 121 00:09:23,361 --> 00:09:25,691 Ha ha ha ha! 122 00:09:25,726 --> 00:09:28,326 Yes. Good morning, ladies and... gentleman! 123 00:09:28,361 --> 00:09:30,726 I see a gentleman right over there! 124 00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,791 Good morning! 125 00:09:32,826 --> 00:09:34,791 Good morning! Boy, I tell you... 126 00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:37,575 it is a good morning with this audience. 127 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,217 Ha! Well, today, for all you dieters... 128 00:09:40,252 --> 00:09:42,825 guiltless goodies from chef Skinny Ninny. 129 00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:45,790 Whoa. Mmm! 130 00:09:45,825 --> 00:09:47,790 And we'll also be visiting with a man... 131 00:09:47,825 --> 00:09:51,224 right here from Houston who is battling Alzheimer's. 132 00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:55,624 A beautiful and touching story... 133 00:09:55,659 --> 00:09:58,189 of the triumph of the human spirit. 134 00:09:58,224 --> 00:10:01,224 He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers. 135 00:10:01,424 --> 00:10:03,524 Now let's take a peek inside our "Video View"... 136 00:10:03,724 --> 00:10:07,123 and see what we have in store for today. 137 00:10:09,323 --> 00:10:10,688 It's a special report 138 00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:14,023 on children's birthday party themes... 139 00:10:14,058 --> 00:10:15,488 taped on location... 140 00:10:15,523 --> 00:10:17,588 at 8-year-old Davy Robbins' party... 141 00:10:17,623 --> 00:10:21,423 exclusively for our "Video View" collection. 142 00:10:21,458 --> 00:10:23,787 Ha ha ha! 143 00:10:23,822 --> 00:10:27,322 So... come sit with me. 144 00:10:27,522 --> 00:10:30,922 Relax. Have a cup of joe. 145 00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,622 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 146 00:10:35,922 --> 00:10:40,121 Well, anyway, it's gonna be a good day. Good morning! 147 00:10:42,021 --> 00:10:43,621 You're beautiful. 148 00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:50,521 We're clear. 149 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,420 Am I here to amuse you, Miss Pierce? 150 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,985 Am I here to make you laugh? 151 00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,520 Is that the real reason I'm on this show? 152 00:10:58,555 --> 00:10:59,987 Mr. Gubler, when I prepare your note cards... 153 00:11:00,022 --> 00:11:01,521 you're supposed to get your own espresso. 154 00:11:01,556 --> 00:11:02,988 Didn't you get my "espress yourself" memo? 155 00:11:03,023 --> 00:11:04,420 I don't have time for your little mind games. 156 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,985 I'd like to remind you... 157 00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,985 that we're laying people off around here. 158 00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:11,019 I can find an intern who will do your job for free like that. 159 00:11:19,919 --> 00:11:22,219 I been locked out 160 00:11:22,254 --> 00:11:24,484 I been locked in 161 00:11:24,519 --> 00:11:28,483 But I always seem to come back again 162 00:11:28,518 --> 00:11:31,683 And the view, when I look from my window... 163 00:11:31,718 --> 00:11:33,918 Oh, that's a much better size. That looks great. 164 00:11:34,018 --> 00:11:37,018 That would go really well with the EZ-Fits. 165 00:11:37,053 --> 00:11:40,018 So... Oh, buttoning it up. That's even better. 166 00:11:43,117 --> 00:11:45,117 Yeah, roll 'em right up. 167 00:11:45,152 --> 00:11:47,117 It's liberating, isn't it? 168 00:11:51,117 --> 00:11:54,017 I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste 169 00:11:54,117 --> 00:11:56,416 A flannel for my face 170 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,016 Pajamas, a hairbrush 171 00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:01,316 new shoes, and a case 172 00:12:01,351 --> 00:12:04,483 I said to my reflection 173 00:12:04,518 --> 00:12:07,616 Let's get out of this place 174 00:12:08,716 --> 00:12:11,516 Past the church and the steeple 175 00:12:11,615 --> 00:12:13,515 The laundry on the hill 176 00:12:14,615 --> 00:12:17,715 Murder, there's one committed each 7 seconds. 177 00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:22,715 Hello. I got cut off. I'm sorry. 178 00:12:22,815 --> 00:12:26,615 Tempted by the fruit of another 179 00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:27,514 Waa waa 180 00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:30,914 Hello? What? 181 00:12:31,014 --> 00:12:34,514 Tempted, but the truth is discovered 182 00:12:39,114 --> 00:12:41,714 No, no, no. Listen, he needs us, OK? 183 00:12:41,749 --> 00:12:44,313 If he makes videos, we show them, OK? 184 00:12:44,413 --> 00:12:47,213 It's symbiotic. It's like a "chicken or the egg?" 185 00:12:47,248 --> 00:12:49,913 It's both of them working together. 186 00:12:50,013 --> 00:12:53,013 Yeah, uh-huh. Well, let me tell you something. 187 00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:55,413 No, no, no. I'm not scared of... 188 00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:56,963 Jesus! 189 00:12:56,998 --> 00:12:58,413 Aah! 190 00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:00,412 Michael, don't laugh at me. 191 00:13:00,512 --> 00:13:01,412 What? 192 00:13:01,512 --> 00:13:05,112 No, I'm in an accident. I got in an accident. 193 00:13:05,147 --> 00:13:06,612 Yeah, I'm fine. 194 00:13:06,712 --> 00:13:08,412 No. I'll call you back, all right? 195 00:13:08,512 --> 00:13:09,777 I'm gonna call you... 196 00:13:09,812 --> 00:13:11,712 When you said you would sue... 197 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,577 Well, it's not really my idea. 198 00:13:13,612 --> 00:13:16,011 It's just I got my lawyer guy telling me, you know... 199 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,976 something, like, about my rates or... 200 00:13:18,011 --> 00:13:21,811 Right. You mean, like sue in a courtroom for money? 201 00:13:21,911 --> 00:13:23,011 I don't even know... 202 00:13:23,111 --> 00:13:24,611 because I've never really done anything like this before. 203 00:13:24,711 --> 00:13:25,811 I mean, do you have a lawyer or something? 204 00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:29,011 No, I don't have a lawyer. I don't have a dentist. 205 00:13:29,111 --> 00:13:31,610 I'm... You know, I make four-hundred dollars a week. 206 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,375 What do you do? 207 00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:36,110 Well, at the moment, I'm working... 208 00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:38,810 I'm sorry. I just... I got to... 209 00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:42,310 Hello. 210 00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:45,275 Yeah. What is it? 211 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:46,874 You know, I don't care... 212 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,109 if she does twelve books of herself naked, OK? 213 00:13:49,209 --> 00:13:50,274 It doesn't... 214 00:13:50,309 --> 00:13:52,309 That's Dr. Zaius from "Planet of the Apes. " 215 00:13:52,344 --> 00:13:53,809 Oh. 216 00:13:54,009 --> 00:13:55,509 I'm sorry. No. Someone else is in here. 217 00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,309 Yeah? Well, let her say that to me. 218 00:13:58,609 --> 00:14:01,208 - No, don't do that. - Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 219 00:14:01,243 --> 00:14:02,925 No, no. You can... That's all right... 220 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,608 I was... Go ahead. You want to touch it? 221 00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:05,808 It's all right. Yeah. No, go ahead. 222 00:14:05,843 --> 00:14:07,673 No, I was talking to... 223 00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:11,508 Look, can I talk to you later? Can we... When? OK. OK. 224 00:14:11,543 --> 00:14:14,708 Um... OK. 225 00:14:14,808 --> 00:14:16,108 Um... uh... 226 00:14:17,407 --> 00:14:20,572 You know what? Just forget it. 227 00:14:20,607 --> 00:14:22,407 Really, just forget the whole thing... 228 00:14:22,442 --> 00:14:24,172 because it was probably my fault anyway. 229 00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:26,707 And I'll get in trouble, and it just doesn't... 230 00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:28,672 And you seem very sweet. 231 00:14:28,707 --> 00:14:30,807 And you seem to like Dr. Zaius. 232 00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:32,306 Oh. Ha ha. 233 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,506 - Oh, no. - That's... 234 00:14:37,206 --> 00:14:38,371 I'm sorry. 235 00:14:38,406 --> 00:14:41,506 That's... He was just a collector's... No big... 236 00:14:41,541 --> 00:14:42,871 Well, we can... 237 00:14:42,906 --> 00:14:44,571 - You know what? - No, here's his head. 238 00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:48,305 It's really... you know... I think he's gone. 239 00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:51,405 I'm, like, ruining your whole life here. 240 00:14:51,505 --> 00:14:53,670 No, no, you're not. Really. 241 00:14:53,705 --> 00:14:55,905 Just don't... Just don't touch anything else... 242 00:14:56,005 --> 00:14:57,805 and I think we'll be fine. 243 00:14:59,405 --> 00:15:02,405 Michael Grates, vice president regional programming... 244 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,421 "In Your Face" TV. We've seen it. 245 00:15:04,456 --> 00:15:06,369 It's like MTV, but with an edge. 246 00:15:06,404 --> 00:15:08,804 - Yeah. So, is it a date? - Yeah, yeah. 247 00:15:08,839 --> 00:15:10,704 - Dinner? - Coffee. 248 00:15:10,804 --> 00:15:13,704 - Coffee or cappuccino? - He ended up saying decaf. 249 00:15:13,804 --> 00:15:16,704 Oh, no. Early night. Is there any precoffee activity? 250 00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:18,104 Um... I don't think so. 251 00:15:18,204 --> 00:15:20,703 Did he ask you to go out or to hang out? 252 00:15:20,803 --> 00:15:22,103 Go out. He definitely said go out. 253 00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:23,903 Hey. How are you doing? 254 00:15:23,938 --> 00:15:26,068 - Oh, shit. - What? 255 00:15:26,103 --> 00:15:28,503 I forgot to tell you something. 256 00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:30,468 Are you out of your mind? 257 00:15:30,503 --> 00:15:32,803 Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got fired from the newsstand. 258 00:15:32,838 --> 00:15:35,102 He needs a place to stay till he can find a new job... 259 00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:36,602 and get his own place. 260 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,702 Vickie, that's the American dream of the nineties. 261 00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:40,267 That could take years. 262 00:15:40,302 --> 00:15:42,302 Look at it like a built-in security system. 263 00:15:42,337 --> 00:15:43,667 We'll have a man around the house. 264 00:15:43,702 --> 00:15:46,202 We'll have a hall monitor. That's what we'll have. 265 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,702 I don't even know if this is allowed in the building. 266 00:15:48,737 --> 00:15:51,301 It's not like Mr. Roper's gonna burst in. 267 00:15:51,336 --> 00:15:53,266 I'll just stay on the couch. 268 00:15:53,301 --> 00:15:56,301 Vickie, he will turn this place... 269 00:15:56,336 --> 00:15:59,101 into a den of slack. 270 00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:01,701 What the hell is your problem? 271 00:16:03,201 --> 00:16:06,200 I have to work around here, and unfortunately, Troy... 272 00:16:06,235 --> 00:16:09,065 you are a master at the art of time suckage. 273 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,200 Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster girl for the workers party... 274 00:16:11,235 --> 00:16:13,800 but until I get that toehold in the burger industry... 275 00:16:13,835 --> 00:16:15,165 I got a little time to suck. 276 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,200 I'd rather check into a shelter than deal with her shit. 277 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:21,000 I know how much you love to mainline in misery here. 278 00:16:21,035 --> 00:16:22,164 But you don't have to. 279 00:16:22,199 --> 00:16:26,199 I can get you a job interview at my dad's plant. 280 00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,099 What is that? Part of my lease agreement? 281 00:16:28,199 --> 00:16:30,499 It's either that or a credit check. 282 00:16:30,599 --> 00:16:32,599 It's cool, Troy. You can stay. 283 00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:33,964 Welcome to the maxi pad. 284 00:16:33,999 --> 00:16:35,964 Yeah, with the new dry-weave... 285 00:16:35,999 --> 00:16:39,798 it actually pulls moisture away from you. It's good. 286 00:16:41,498 --> 00:16:43,298 You won't even know I'm here. 287 00:16:45,698 --> 00:16:47,098 Should I get married? Should I be good? 288 00:16:47,198 --> 00:16:48,598 Should I astound the girl next door 289 00:16:48,698 --> 00:16:50,648 with my velvet suit and my Faustus hood? 290 00:16:50,683 --> 00:16:52,563 And not take her to movies but to cemeteries 291 00:16:52,598 --> 00:16:55,597 and tell her of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets? 292 00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:58,597 What "Hey, That's My Bike"... 293 00:16:58,697 --> 00:17:01,097 would like to do eventually. as a band... 294 00:17:01,197 --> 00:17:03,397 is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie. 295 00:17:03,432 --> 00:17:05,262 Or Richard Simmons. 296 00:17:05,297 --> 00:17:07,097 You know how, in his commercials... 297 00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,896 how he travels around, surprises people jogging. 298 00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:13,596 As you can see, I have the occasional run-in... 299 00:17:13,696 --> 00:17:16,946 with an anti- "Hey, That's My Biker. " 300 00:17:16,981 --> 00:17:20,196 And to those people, I say nobody... 301 00:17:21,196 --> 00:17:24,295 Nobody can eat fifty eggs. 302 00:17:24,495 --> 00:17:26,760 - Lainie? - Whatie? 303 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,695 The next time you make microwave brownies... 304 00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:32,595 I'd really consider using a microwave. 305 00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:34,960 It's just a thought. 306 00:17:34,995 --> 00:17:36,995 You know, I finally figured out... 307 00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:38,862 what your problem is, Dyer. 308 00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:40,659 What's that? I'm not a Pepper? 309 00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:43,194 You suffer from the philosopher groupie syndrome. 310 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,659 You're this guy with, like, a 180 I.Q... 311 00:17:46,694 --> 00:17:49,194 ten units away from a degree in philosophy... 312 00:17:49,394 --> 00:17:52,394 and you always fall for these dumb groupie types. 313 00:17:52,429 --> 00:17:54,159 Now... they are not all dumb. 314 00:17:54,194 --> 00:17:57,158 Most of them are just very, very depressed. 315 00:17:57,193 --> 00:18:00,193 Do you find me attractive, sitting here, eating brownies? 316 00:18:00,228 --> 00:18:02,193 You do. You're strangely attracted to me right now. 317 00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:04,158 You're oddly, oddly attracted to me. 318 00:18:04,193 --> 00:18:06,193 It turns you on, doesn't it? You like to watch, don't you? 319 00:18:06,228 --> 00:18:09,193 Come on. Come on! Aah! 320 00:18:09,228 --> 00:18:10,658 Here. Ha ha ha! 321 00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:13,192 Don't! Come on. It's not funny. Give it back. 322 00:18:13,227 --> 00:18:14,557 - Give what back? - Give it back! 323 00:18:14,592 --> 00:18:16,592 Give what back? Give the brownies back? 324 00:18:16,627 --> 00:18:19,057 - Aah! - Brownies, brownies. 325 00:18:19,092 --> 00:18:21,092 Oh, I love brownies. My name's Lelaina. 326 00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:22,792 Hey, don't! Hey, watch the camera. 327 00:18:22,892 --> 00:18:25,392 Don't throw it at me. That's not nice. 328 00:18:34,691 --> 00:18:37,191 Mr. Gubler, do you have time to take a look... 329 00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:38,691 at what I've done here? 330 00:18:38,791 --> 00:18:40,691 I need my questions. 331 00:18:40,791 --> 00:18:43,190 Oh, well, here's the research that I did. 332 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,690 You might want to read it... 333 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,390 because this guest has quite a history in politics. 334 00:18:47,425 --> 00:18:49,290 Just give me my questions. 335 00:18:59,789 --> 00:19:01,389 Excusez-moi. 336 00:19:02,789 --> 00:19:05,289 - You all alone? - Not anymore. 337 00:19:05,389 --> 00:19:07,889 If I could bottle the sexual tension... 338 00:19:07,989 --> 00:19:10,789 between Bonnie Franklin and Schneider... 339 00:19:10,824 --> 00:19:13,688 I could solve the energy crisis. 340 00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:15,353 Excuse me. 341 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:19,653 Don't bogart that can... man. 342 00:19:19,688 --> 00:19:22,788 - Are you retarded? - No. I'm rhyming. 343 00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:27,088 It's not easy. Sure, I make it look easy. 344 00:19:29,287 --> 00:19:30,987 You guys better not be inhaling. 345 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,252 Hi. 346 00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:37,487 Lelaina, Vickie was just promoted to manager of the Gap. 347 00:19:37,587 --> 00:19:40,087 - Shut up. - It's not even a big deal. 348 00:19:40,122 --> 00:19:42,504 The old manager tried to kill herself... 349 00:19:42,539 --> 00:19:44,613 by eating a whole pot of poinsettias. 350 00:19:44,648 --> 00:19:46,651 Still, I'm so proud of you. Wait. 351 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,736 I'll be making four-hundred dollars a week, though. 352 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:52,786 We're never gonna have rent problems again. 353 00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:54,751 Troy, aren't you excited? 354 00:19:54,786 --> 00:19:57,586 I'm bursting with fruit flavor. 355 00:19:57,686 --> 00:19:59,586 You guys, I just thought of something. 356 00:19:59,686 --> 00:20:01,785 I'm manager of the Gap. 357 00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:05,285 I'm responsible for all those t-shirts... 358 00:20:05,385 --> 00:20:09,185 French-cut, v-necked, ribbed, what have you. 359 00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:10,450 Dude, I'm in trouble. 360 00:20:10,485 --> 00:20:12,450 No, you're not, Vick. I know you can do it. 361 00:20:12,485 --> 00:20:15,785 I just do not understand why this moment... 362 00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:17,249 has to be Memorexed. 363 00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,949 Sammy, don't you realize? 364 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:22,784 This is your one opportunity to play a small part... 365 00:20:22,884 --> 00:20:25,284 in what is destined to be greatness. 366 00:20:25,384 --> 00:20:27,984 Lainie here is gonna revolutionize... 367 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,284 "Good Morning, Grant. " 368 00:20:29,384 --> 00:20:32,783 Oh, my god! I'm so sorry! I had no idea! 369 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:35,283 Look who's mocking. All you do around here, Troy... 370 00:20:35,383 --> 00:20:38,683 is eat and couch and fondle the remote control. 371 00:20:38,883 --> 00:20:41,683 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 372 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,600 Well, then what good are you? 373 00:20:43,635 --> 00:20:45,483 You're a pathological optimist. 374 00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:46,948 You're pathological. 375 00:20:46,983 --> 00:20:49,882 Oh, would you two just do it and get it over with? 376 00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:51,382 I'm starving. 377 00:20:55,282 --> 00:20:56,847 Oh! 378 00:20:56,882 --> 00:20:59,782 Hello. You've reached the winter of our discontent. 379 00:21:01,182 --> 00:21:03,881 Uh... hold on. It's some Michael character. 380 00:21:03,916 --> 00:21:05,381 Oh. 381 00:21:07,381 --> 00:21:09,846 - Who's Michael? - Let's order a pizza. 382 00:21:09,881 --> 00:21:12,881 Lelaina, if we promise to pay you back... 383 00:21:12,916 --> 00:21:14,381 will you spot us a pizza? 384 00:21:14,416 --> 00:21:15,846 Don't have any cash. 385 00:21:15,881 --> 00:21:17,381 Dominoes takes checks. 386 00:21:17,416 --> 00:21:18,580 OK, great. 387 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,180 OK. Bye. 388 00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,980 The owner of Dominoes supports Operation Rescue. 389 00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:26,380 Oh, please. No one gives a shit right now. 390 00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:28,447 We're starving. 391 00:21:28,482 --> 00:21:30,480 Oh, wait. Wait. 392 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:36,279 - Ta-da! - We're going to eat gas. 393 00:21:39,779 --> 00:21:41,344 Ah! 394 00:21:41,379 --> 00:21:43,379 Who's this Michael guy? 395 00:21:43,479 --> 00:21:44,544 Um... 396 00:21:44,579 --> 00:21:46,879 Hey. Vickie just figured something out. 397 00:21:46,979 --> 00:21:48,879 - What? - Something wonderful. 398 00:21:48,979 --> 00:21:53,378 Ha ha ha! Evian is naive spelled backwards. 399 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,178 Uh! Could you turn this up, please? 400 00:21:56,278 --> 00:21:58,878 Please? You won't be sorry. 401 00:21:59,978 --> 00:22:01,378 Thank you. 402 00:22:01,478 --> 00:22:05,477 ...When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? 403 00:22:05,512 --> 00:22:08,994 Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run 404 00:22:09,029 --> 00:22:12,442 Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharona 405 00:22:12,477 --> 00:22:15,777 Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind 406 00:22:15,812 --> 00:22:19,077 Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind 407 00:22:19,177 --> 00:22:21,976 My, my, my, i, yi, woo! 408 00:22:22,011 --> 00:22:23,576 Hey! 409 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,376 M- m-my Sharona. 410 00:22:28,476 --> 00:22:31,676 Come a little closer, huh? Ah, will ya, huh? 411 00:22:31,711 --> 00:22:34,876 Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona 412 00:22:34,911 --> 00:22:38,440 Keeping it a mystery, it gets to me 413 00:22:38,475 --> 00:22:41,875 Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona... 414 00:22:42,375 --> 00:22:45,675 Good times, any time you need them, baby 415 00:22:45,710 --> 00:22:48,940 Good times, ain't no time to be afraid 416 00:22:48,975 --> 00:22:50,975 Thelma's husband Keith has got vodka hidden in the toilet. 417 00:22:51,010 --> 00:22:53,274 Vodka in the toilet. That's a good one. 418 00:22:53,374 --> 00:22:54,924 Um... boom boom. 419 00:22:54,959 --> 00:22:56,439 James Dice. 420 00:22:56,474 --> 00:22:57,974 That's a two-parter, man. You can't do that. 421 00:22:58,009 --> 00:22:59,939 J.J. works in the chicken shop. 422 00:22:59,974 --> 00:23:01,974 He works in a chicken shop. We did that. 423 00:23:02,009 --> 00:23:03,974 It's the same one when he has that cape on. 424 00:23:04,009 --> 00:23:05,439 Drink up, man. 425 00:23:05,474 --> 00:23:07,973 You hate to see that happen to the rookie. 426 00:23:08,008 --> 00:23:09,473 Um... Alderman Davis judges a... 427 00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:12,873 Oh, my god. 428 00:23:12,908 --> 00:23:14,273 Hi. 429 00:23:14,373 --> 00:23:16,773 Are you a collection agent? 430 00:23:16,808 --> 00:23:18,838 Lelaina! 431 00:23:18,873 --> 00:23:22,773 Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there. 432 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,037 Oh. 433 00:23:28,072 --> 00:23:30,872 If you ain't the most hardheaded woman... 434 00:23:30,907 --> 00:23:32,272 Great! 435 00:23:32,372 --> 00:23:33,772 Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. Oh, it's me! 436 00:23:33,872 --> 00:23:35,272 Willona dates a deaf guy. 437 00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:36,737 - Good one. - Willona dates a deaf guy. 438 00:23:36,772 --> 00:23:39,321 How about the one when Gary Coleman comes on... 439 00:23:39,356 --> 00:23:41,871 and he's like the little... like, guy doing that... 440 00:23:42,971 --> 00:23:45,171 - Yeah, we did that one. - He was cute, though. 441 00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:47,471 - J.J.'s prom date. - Gotta go. Gotta go. 442 00:23:47,506 --> 00:23:49,036 - Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi. - Hi. 443 00:23:49,071 --> 00:23:53,371 Um... everybody, this is Michael. This is... 444 00:23:54,371 --> 00:23:56,870 Prom date. Prom date. Go. 445 00:23:56,970 --> 00:23:58,370 You know, we should... We should... Yeah. 446 00:23:58,470 --> 00:23:59,570 So, I'm gonna go. 447 00:23:59,670 --> 00:24:00,635 Bye. 448 00:24:00,670 --> 00:24:02,135 Michael throws a party. Sammy, let's go. 449 00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:05,770 Lelaina, you know the punishment for premature evacuation. 450 00:24:09,070 --> 00:24:12,469 Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Shit! 451 00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:16,669 I'm making this documentary... 452 00:24:16,769 --> 00:24:18,469 about my friends, but it's really about... 453 00:24:18,569 --> 00:24:21,134 people who are trying to find their own identity... 454 00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:24,769 without having any real role models or heroes or anything. 455 00:24:24,804 --> 00:24:28,333 Wow. That... That sounds great. 456 00:24:28,368 --> 00:24:30,868 It seems like your friends would be perfect for that. 457 00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:32,635 Like, um... Like that guy Troy... 458 00:24:32,670 --> 00:24:34,368 - Troy, yeah. - You all done here, sir? 459 00:24:34,403 --> 00:24:35,833 Uh, yeah. yeah. 460 00:24:35,868 --> 00:24:37,368 You don't want to finish that? Because I can... 461 00:24:37,403 --> 00:24:39,868 No, no, no. I'm fine. I had a late... 462 00:24:39,903 --> 00:24:41,832 So, Troy is... You guys just... 463 00:24:41,867 --> 00:24:44,367 It's like you guys living there, just the two of you? 464 00:24:44,402 --> 00:24:46,032 No, no, no, no, no. 465 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:49,517 It's me and Vickie, but he got fired from his job... 466 00:24:49,552 --> 00:24:52,967 and so he needed a place to crash for a couple weeks. 467 00:24:53,002 --> 00:24:56,767 They caught him stealing a Snickers. 468 00:24:56,802 --> 00:24:59,966 He stole a Snickers bar? 469 00:25:00,001 --> 00:25:01,866 Yeah. Ha ha ha! 470 00:25:01,966 --> 00:25:04,366 Somehow he can rationalize it... 471 00:25:04,466 --> 00:25:09,366 like the establishment owes him a Snickers. 472 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:10,766 Right, right. 473 00:25:10,866 --> 00:25:13,465 Well, I mean... I guess... you know... 474 00:25:19,965 --> 00:25:22,165 You know, you're very beautiful. 475 00:25:24,265 --> 00:25:26,365 I mean... I mean, um... 476 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,465 Seriously, you're... 477 00:25:29,464 --> 00:25:36,864 I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really good with compliments. 478 00:25:37,964 --> 00:25:39,464 Um... but, uh... 479 00:25:39,564 --> 00:25:42,964 Um... Ha ha! Are you religious? 480 00:25:45,463 --> 00:25:48,128 Um... Ha ha ha! 481 00:25:48,163 --> 00:25:50,828 Ha ha ha! I'm sorry. 482 00:25:50,863 --> 00:25:55,063 I guess I'm... I guess I'm, uh... 483 00:25:55,098 --> 00:25:57,063 a non-practicing Jew. 484 00:25:57,163 --> 00:25:59,463 Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin. 485 00:26:04,662 --> 00:26:06,427 Who's this again? 486 00:26:06,462 --> 00:26:07,962 Frampton. Peter Frampton. 487 00:26:07,997 --> 00:26:09,427 Frampton... 488 00:26:09,462 --> 00:26:10,962 I can't believe you don't remember... 489 00:26:10,997 --> 00:26:12,427 "Frampton Comes Alive. " 490 00:26:12,462 --> 00:26:15,426 That album, like, totally changed my life. 491 00:26:15,461 --> 00:26:21,261 The most profound, important invention of my lifetime... 492 00:26:21,361 --> 00:26:23,261 the Big Gulp. 493 00:26:23,361 --> 00:26:25,261 And because, see... No, listen. 494 00:26:25,296 --> 00:26:26,726 You get one in the morning. 495 00:26:26,761 --> 00:26:29,561 I'm talking forty-four ouncer, not this thirty-two wimpy... 496 00:26:29,596 --> 00:26:32,577 - Wait a minute. Forty four? - Yeah. Forty-four ounce. 497 00:26:32,612 --> 00:26:37,960 How can you ingest forty-four ounces of anything? 498 00:26:37,995 --> 00:26:39,425 You get one. 499 00:26:39,460 --> 00:26:41,960 You have your essential vitamins and nutrients... 500 00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:43,460 for the entire day. 501 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,460 Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm sure you're totally covered. 502 00:26:46,659 --> 00:26:48,459 - You do. - Well... 503 00:26:48,659 --> 00:26:51,959 I guess it really doesn't take much to make me happy. 504 00:26:52,159 --> 00:26:54,959 Hey, I'm not materialistic, either. 505 00:26:55,059 --> 00:26:58,459 I mean, I think I'd be working even if I wasn't getting paid. 506 00:26:58,559 --> 00:27:01,959 And I don't, like, want to get, you know... a big house. 507 00:27:02,059 --> 00:27:04,958 I just want, like, a nice house. 508 00:27:05,058 --> 00:27:07,958 I'm not into cars and stuff. 509 00:27:08,058 --> 00:27:10,523 I mean, I like my car. 510 00:27:10,558 --> 00:27:13,558 You're probably not really not into, like... 511 00:27:13,593 --> 00:27:16,558 expensive, snazzy Italian suits, either. 512 00:27:16,658 --> 00:27:18,657 - Oh, come on. - I'm just kidding. 513 00:27:18,692 --> 00:27:20,374 - No, no, no. - I'm just kidding. 514 00:27:20,409 --> 00:27:22,233 Wait a minute. I'm not like that. 515 00:27:22,268 --> 00:27:24,057 I'm really not. I mean... I mean... 516 00:27:24,092 --> 00:27:27,022 I'm... I'm... I mean... 517 00:27:27,057 --> 00:27:29,357 I know why the caged bird sings and everything. 518 00:27:29,392 --> 00:27:31,122 Oh, yeah? Why? 519 00:27:31,157 --> 00:27:34,356 Because he was... in a cage, and he was... 520 00:27:34,391 --> 00:27:37,556 I don't know. He had high hopes or something. 521 00:27:37,591 --> 00:27:39,373 OK, I dropped out of school... 522 00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:40,982 before we got to that, all right? 523 00:27:41,017 --> 00:27:42,521 I should have stayed in college... 524 00:27:42,556 --> 00:27:44,556 and got a degree in astronomy or something. 525 00:27:44,591 --> 00:27:46,373 - Oh, god, I love astronomy. - Really? 526 00:27:46,408 --> 00:27:48,121 Yeah. I just... The math, though. 527 00:27:48,156 --> 00:27:50,555 It was the math that just, like... got me every time. 528 00:27:50,590 --> 00:27:52,555 I loved astronomy, too, and I got into class... 529 00:27:52,590 --> 00:27:54,120 and it was like... it was like... 530 00:27:54,155 --> 00:27:59,555 everything was three-squared times pi equals the root of pi. 531 00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:02,155 Yeah. And I just wanted to look at the stars. 532 00:28:02,190 --> 00:28:05,054 - It was so... - Same here exactly. 533 00:28:06,054 --> 00:28:09,054 I remember being so happy on the roof of our old house... 534 00:28:09,089 --> 00:28:11,154 just staring up at the stars. 535 00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:12,619 Mmm... 536 00:28:12,654 --> 00:28:16,154 I want to do that again. I want to just... 537 00:28:16,189 --> 00:28:19,654 look up at the stars and take the time to... 538 00:28:19,689 --> 00:28:22,653 smell the... 539 00:28:22,753 --> 00:28:24,053 everything. 540 00:28:26,753 --> 00:28:30,053 Because it's like... do you ever have those moments in life... 541 00:28:30,253 --> 00:28:33,053 where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean? 542 00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:35,653 Just for, like, one moment, everything is great. 543 00:28:35,753 --> 00:28:39,652 Not since I graduated, no. But yeah... yeah. 544 00:28:39,687 --> 00:28:43,552 When you, like, catch yourself in a moment... 545 00:28:43,752 --> 00:28:46,552 and you're saying, wait, I'm happy here in the moment. 546 00:28:46,652 --> 00:28:49,152 Right. And then it just goes away really quickly. 547 00:28:49,252 --> 00:28:51,552 - Gone. - It just... It's... 548 00:28:51,651 --> 00:28:53,651 I know I've had a couple of those, you know. 549 00:28:53,686 --> 00:28:55,651 I always forget them, but I know I've had them. 550 00:28:55,686 --> 00:28:57,251 Oh, me, too. 551 00:29:01,551 --> 00:29:04,051 Like right now... is one. 552 00:29:06,951 --> 00:29:08,950 Yeah... like now. 553 00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:14,750 Clouds are stalking 554 00:29:14,785 --> 00:29:17,250 Islands in the sun 555 00:29:18,750 --> 00:29:21,750 Wish I could dry one 556 00:29:22,750 --> 00:29:24,449 Out of season 557 00:29:26,049 --> 00:29:27,749 But don't 558 00:29:29,049 --> 00:29:30,949 Hesitate 559 00:29:32,449 --> 00:29:34,949 'Cause your love 560 00:29:36,249 --> 00:29:38,598 Won't wait 561 00:29:38,633 --> 00:29:40,913 Hey, hey, hey 562 00:29:40,948 --> 00:29:44,248 Ooh, baby, I love your way 563 00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,748 Every day 564 00:29:47,648 --> 00:29:50,748 Want to tell you I love your way 565 00:29:50,783 --> 00:29:52,748 Ooh, ooh, ooh 566 00:29:55,847 --> 00:29:58,247 TROY, Ooh, baby, I love your way 567 00:29:58,282 --> 00:29:59,712 Every day 568 00:29:59,747 --> 00:30:01,547 I want to be with you night and day 569 00:30:01,647 --> 00:30:02,747 Shh! 570 00:30:02,847 --> 00:30:04,747 So, you've been up all night? 571 00:30:06,347 --> 00:30:11,046 I am picking up some very strange vibes in here. 572 00:30:11,081 --> 00:30:15,746 They're of the... "I just got laid" variety. 573 00:30:16,246 --> 00:30:17,546 Did he dazzle you... 574 00:30:17,646 --> 00:30:20,446 with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? 575 00:30:20,546 --> 00:30:24,546 Or was it his in-depth analysis of Markie Mark... 576 00:30:24,646 --> 00:30:26,410 that finally reeled you in? 577 00:30:26,445 --> 00:30:29,145 I just would have liked to have been there... 578 00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:31,110 to watch how you rationalized... 579 00:30:31,145 --> 00:30:33,845 sleeping with a yuppy-head cheeseball on the first date. 580 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,210 He's not a yuppy. 581 00:30:35,245 --> 00:30:37,745 He's the reason why Cliff Notes were invented. 582 00:30:39,145 --> 00:30:41,109 Well, that pales in comparison... 583 00:30:41,144 --> 00:30:43,444 to the tweaked-out little skanks you date. 584 00:30:44,544 --> 00:30:45,909 To hell with it. What do I care? 585 00:30:45,944 --> 00:30:48,344 What do you care? And why are you acting... 586 00:30:48,544 --> 00:30:50,744 like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden? 587 00:30:50,779 --> 00:30:54,144 I am not acting like anything. 588 00:30:54,179 --> 00:30:56,743 I am calmly reading. 589 00:30:58,043 --> 00:31:01,108 God. If something's bothering you that much... 590 00:31:01,143 --> 00:31:03,443 I wish you could just be man enough to talk to me about it. 591 00:31:05,143 --> 00:31:06,943 All right, Lelaina. 592 00:31:20,242 --> 00:31:22,042 I am really in love with you. 593 00:31:27,642 --> 00:31:31,141 Is that what you want to hear? Is it? 594 00:31:31,176 --> 00:31:34,541 Well, don't flatter yourself. 595 00:31:38,141 --> 00:31:39,741 Go to hell. 596 00:31:52,740 --> 00:31:55,105 Since I've been manager here... 597 00:31:55,140 --> 00:31:59,639 our gross has increased over twenty percent. 598 00:31:59,674 --> 00:32:02,239 So... What? 599 00:32:02,274 --> 00:32:05,204 OK. OK. Um... 600 00:32:05,239 --> 00:32:06,639 I guess I'm proud of that. 601 00:32:06,739 --> 00:32:09,304 Oh, please. Look at this sweater. 602 00:32:09,339 --> 00:32:12,039 People don't know. They don't know what it takes. 603 00:32:12,074 --> 00:32:14,404 I've never been a good example before... 604 00:32:14,439 --> 00:32:18,138 and, um... I've never been good with responsibility. 605 00:32:18,238 --> 00:32:20,838 So, uh... I blame my parents, though. 606 00:32:20,938 --> 00:32:23,738 I think I was conceived on an acid trip. 607 00:32:25,138 --> 00:32:29,703 My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. 608 00:32:29,738 --> 00:32:33,237 And I saw my father about three times a year after that. 609 00:32:34,837 --> 00:32:37,237 And when he found out that he had cancer... 610 00:32:37,272 --> 00:32:39,202 he decided to bring me here... 611 00:32:39,237 --> 00:32:41,737 and he gives me this big pink sea shell... 612 00:32:41,772 --> 00:32:43,202 and he says to me... 613 00:32:43,237 --> 00:32:46,236 "Son, the answers are all inside of this. " 614 00:32:46,271 --> 00:32:47,836 And I'm all, like, "What?" 615 00:32:47,936 --> 00:32:50,236 But then I realized that the shell was empty. 616 00:32:50,271 --> 00:32:51,736 There's no point to any of this. 617 00:32:51,771 --> 00:32:53,236 It's all just a... 618 00:32:54,436 --> 00:32:56,736 A random lottery of meaningless tragedy... 619 00:32:56,771 --> 00:32:59,136 and a series of near escapes. 620 00:33:01,236 --> 00:33:04,735 So I take pleasure in the details, you know. 621 00:33:04,770 --> 00:33:08,035 A Quarter-Pounder with cheese. 622 00:33:08,135 --> 00:33:10,200 Those are good. 623 00:33:10,235 --> 00:33:16,035 The sky about... ten minutes before it starts to rain. 624 00:33:16,135 --> 00:33:19,634 The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. 625 00:33:21,134 --> 00:33:26,234 And I sit back, and I... I smoke my Camel straights. 626 00:33:28,334 --> 00:33:30,999 And I ride my own melt. 627 00:33:31,034 --> 00:33:33,233 Come on. Come on. No lagging. 628 00:33:33,333 --> 00:33:35,233 The free clinic A.I.D.S. test. 629 00:33:35,333 --> 00:33:37,933 The rite of passage for our generation. 630 00:33:38,033 --> 00:33:40,233 We're so lucky. Come on. 631 00:33:40,333 --> 00:33:44,733 So, Vick, why are you getting tested? 632 00:33:44,833 --> 00:33:47,133 One of my friends tested positive. 633 00:33:48,433 --> 00:33:51,832 To be on the safe side... you know. 634 00:33:56,832 --> 00:33:58,332 Vickie Miner. 635 00:34:03,032 --> 00:34:05,131 Vickie Miner. 636 00:34:09,531 --> 00:34:11,096 You can forget it. 637 00:34:11,131 --> 00:34:13,331 Come on, Grant. That... It's incredible. 638 00:34:13,366 --> 00:34:15,596 It's junk. Depressing junk. 639 00:34:15,631 --> 00:34:17,431 You know my rules for the "Video View"... 640 00:34:17,531 --> 00:34:18,931 light and perky. 641 00:34:19,031 --> 00:34:23,330 Look, Lelaina, maybe I should talk to Grant alone about this. 642 00:34:26,330 --> 00:34:28,330 Look, she's got real talent... 643 00:34:28,365 --> 00:34:30,295 and I want to put her on staff. 644 00:34:30,330 --> 00:34:32,330 I will not have Miss Pierce on staff. 645 00:34:32,365 --> 00:34:34,330 I will walk out of here if that happens. 646 00:34:34,365 --> 00:34:35,794 You watch. 647 00:34:35,829 --> 00:34:38,529 OK, calm down. It's no big deal. 648 00:34:38,564 --> 00:34:40,294 We don't have to have her. 649 00:34:40,329 --> 00:34:41,794 Besides, having to look... 650 00:34:41,829 --> 00:34:43,829 at that girl's pointy little face all day... 651 00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:45,346 it would make me ill. 652 00:34:45,381 --> 00:34:46,794 Just get rid of her... 653 00:34:46,829 --> 00:34:49,129 like I asked you to do in the first place. 654 00:34:56,528 --> 00:34:58,028 ...I'll get there. 655 00:34:58,128 --> 00:35:00,828 If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 656 00:35:00,863 --> 00:35:02,528 If I don't know... 657 00:35:08,027 --> 00:35:09,327 Ten seconds... 658 00:35:09,427 --> 00:35:11,827 nine, eight, seven... 659 00:35:11,927 --> 00:35:15,327 six, five, four... 660 00:35:24,926 --> 00:35:27,091 Is this a good morning or what? 661 00:35:27,126 --> 00:35:31,491 Ha ha ha! Well, with us today is Libby Kumbaugh... 662 00:35:31,526 --> 00:35:35,326 the author of this book... "Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself? 663 00:35:35,426 --> 00:35:38,025 "Self-Esteem for Parent and Child. " 664 00:35:38,125 --> 00:35:40,625 - Good morning, Libby. - Good morning, Grant. 665 00:35:40,725 --> 00:35:45,925 Good morning! Now, Libby... I'm concerned with self-esteem. 666 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,025 Personally, I've always had an odd preference... 667 00:35:48,060 --> 00:35:50,425 for very, very young girls. 668 00:35:53,425 --> 00:35:54,524 I... 669 00:35:57,024 --> 00:36:00,024 Being a total prick... 670 00:36:02,224 --> 00:36:06,124 ...Iy pear, I... 671 00:36:06,224 --> 00:36:09,623 Why don't we welcome this audience again, huh? 672 00:36:09,723 --> 00:36:10,723 Good morning! 673 00:36:13,323 --> 00:36:15,888 I make more of a mess than Ruby does. 674 00:36:15,923 --> 00:36:17,923 Hi. You guys, we have to have a family meeting. 675 00:36:17,958 --> 00:36:19,223 Something's happened. 676 00:36:19,323 --> 00:36:21,123 Oh, no! They've discovered Nutrasweet causes you... 677 00:36:21,158 --> 00:36:22,388 to grow a third eye. 678 00:36:22,423 --> 00:36:23,923 Let me just say that everything's gonna be fine. 679 00:36:23,958 --> 00:36:25,439 Yeah, it's not a big deal. 680 00:36:25,474 --> 00:36:26,948 She'll just wear a patch over it. 681 00:36:26,983 --> 00:36:28,387 I'm working out a plan. 682 00:36:28,422 --> 00:36:29,922 Yeah, there's a surgeon in Paris. 683 00:36:29,957 --> 00:36:31,387 He'll just remove it for free. 684 00:36:31,422 --> 00:36:33,872 - Just don't panic. - It's not contagious. 685 00:36:33,907 --> 00:36:36,322 Would you shut up? I just got fired. 686 00:36:37,322 --> 00:36:38,222 Yeah. 687 00:36:38,322 --> 00:36:40,421 Oh, my god. What happened? 688 00:36:40,456 --> 00:36:42,921 You got fired? 689 00:36:43,021 --> 00:36:45,921 I mean, that just screws up my whole idea of good and evil. 690 00:36:46,021 --> 00:36:49,221 It's not like I had a hysterectomy or anything. 691 00:36:49,256 --> 00:36:52,421 I just... I got fired. I'll find something else, you know. 692 00:36:52,521 --> 00:36:54,421 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 693 00:36:54,521 --> 00:36:56,285 You're hired. 694 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,320 I need a part-timer. You need a job. 695 00:36:58,355 --> 00:36:59,420 That would be so cool. 696 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,420 It's only, like, five dollars an hour. No big deal. 697 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:02,920 But it's a pretty good opportunity. 698 00:37:03,020 --> 00:37:04,420 Yeah, it's a dream come true. 699 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,920 It is. 700 00:37:06,020 --> 00:37:08,420 You know, Vick, I said I'm working out a plan. 701 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:09,920 Yeah. So, what's the plan? 702 00:37:10,020 --> 00:37:12,919 I'm not gonna work at the Gap, for Christ's sake. 703 00:37:13,019 --> 00:37:14,519 OK? 704 00:37:15,519 --> 00:37:19,419 - No. I mean... - Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 705 00:37:19,519 --> 00:37:23,319 Oh, how stupid of me to try to drag you down to my level. 706 00:37:23,354 --> 00:37:27,019 - Vickie, you don't do this, OK? - Shut up. 707 00:37:27,054 --> 00:37:29,385 Come on. This is just... 708 00:37:29,420 --> 00:37:31,718 You know I didn't mean it. Vickie. 709 00:37:55,017 --> 00:37:57,017 You see, this is where Troy was fired... 710 00:37:57,052 --> 00:37:58,482 from his eleventh job. 711 00:37:58,517 --> 00:38:01,016 He was an illustrious office cleaner. 712 00:38:02,016 --> 00:38:03,481 Now if you'll come this way, please... 713 00:38:03,516 --> 00:38:05,916 we will continue our short but happy walking tour... 714 00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:07,916 of the career of Troy Dyer. 715 00:38:08,116 --> 00:38:11,481 And here we have the newsstand... 716 00:38:11,516 --> 00:38:14,515 where Troy dared to ask the question... 717 00:38:14,550 --> 00:38:16,515 Are employee snacks subsidized? 718 00:38:17,915 --> 00:38:20,215 The answer... tragically, no. 719 00:38:20,250 --> 00:38:22,480 In total, he has been fired... 720 00:38:22,515 --> 00:38:25,015 from... yes, count them... twelve jobs. 721 00:38:25,115 --> 00:38:26,515 Twelve? Ouch. 722 00:38:26,615 --> 00:38:29,015 So you shouldn't feel so bad. 723 00:38:29,115 --> 00:38:32,014 One of these mornings, I'm going to wake up before noon and... 724 00:38:32,114 --> 00:38:34,014 Ha ha. Yeah, right. 725 00:38:34,114 --> 00:38:37,014 And I'm gonna turn on the TV... 726 00:38:37,114 --> 00:38:39,014 and there Bryant Gumbel will be, and he'll say... 727 00:38:39,114 --> 00:38:41,179 "Today we have with us... 728 00:38:41,214 --> 00:38:45,114 "the Pulitzer Prize winning documentarian Lelaina Pierce. 729 00:38:45,149 --> 00:38:49,013 "Lelaina, after your first film, Why Barbie Is Bad... " 730 00:38:50,513 --> 00:38:52,913 "You seem to have forgotten all about... 731 00:38:53,113 --> 00:38:54,713 "your best friend, Troy Dyer. " 732 00:38:54,748 --> 00:38:56,678 Troy who? 733 00:38:56,713 --> 00:38:58,213 What was that name again? 734 00:38:58,313 --> 00:39:00,913 Oh, right through the heart. 735 00:39:01,013 --> 00:39:03,612 I'll probably be working at the Whole Foods... 736 00:39:03,647 --> 00:39:04,577 playing warehouses... 737 00:39:04,612 --> 00:39:06,512 hanging around places like the Radio Shack... 738 00:39:06,612 --> 00:39:08,212 screaming that I used to know you... 739 00:39:08,247 --> 00:39:10,029 and you'll be there in the lights... 740 00:39:10,064 --> 00:39:11,812 and you'll be all beautiful and shit. 741 00:39:11,912 --> 00:39:15,112 Oh, Troy. No, no, no. That'll never happen. 742 00:39:15,147 --> 00:39:18,111 They would never hire you at Whole Foods. 743 00:39:20,111 --> 00:39:23,261 You see, Lainie, this is all we need... 744 00:39:23,296 --> 00:39:26,411 a couple of smokes, a cup of coffee... 745 00:39:27,811 --> 00:39:30,211 And a little bit of conversation. 746 00:39:30,311 --> 00:39:32,610 You and me and five bucks. 747 00:39:32,645 --> 00:39:34,110 You got it. 748 00:39:35,610 --> 00:39:38,110 - You know what? - Hmm? 749 00:39:44,610 --> 00:39:46,910 - No, no, no. - What? 750 00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:48,274 Troy, I can't. I can't. 751 00:39:48,309 --> 00:39:50,209 Why not? You never thought about it? 752 00:39:50,309 --> 00:39:52,609 Well, yes, of course I have, but I... 753 00:39:52,644 --> 00:39:53,774 But what? 754 00:39:53,809 --> 00:39:55,574 I can't not be friends with you, OK? 755 00:39:55,609 --> 00:39:57,609 I don't want that. That's not what I'm talking about. 756 00:39:57,644 --> 00:40:01,609 I'm talking about a... you know, evolving. 757 00:40:01,644 --> 00:40:03,109 I just can't handle this right now. 758 00:40:03,209 --> 00:40:05,608 I can't evolve right now. 759 00:40:05,708 --> 00:40:08,108 Why not? Because of Michael? 760 00:40:08,208 --> 00:40:09,608 No. 761 00:40:11,308 --> 00:40:14,208 Yeah. Yes. Yes. 762 00:40:26,007 --> 00:40:28,607 My parents got divorced when I was fourteen. 763 00:40:28,707 --> 00:40:30,772 My dad... the dog... 764 00:40:30,807 --> 00:40:34,107 he remarried six months after the divorce. 765 00:40:34,207 --> 00:40:36,606 Wow. That's quick. How did everybody react? 766 00:40:36,706 --> 00:40:41,506 Um... my mom threatened to kill herself in front of me. 767 00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:43,571 Patty got drunk in her closet... 768 00:40:43,606 --> 00:40:45,606 every morning before junior high school. 769 00:40:45,641 --> 00:40:47,306 And you? 770 00:40:47,406 --> 00:40:50,171 Well, um... 771 00:40:50,206 --> 00:40:53,805 Somebody had to remember to take out the trash... 772 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,272 sign the report cards, buy the milk. 773 00:40:57,307 --> 00:41:00,705 So, um... that kind of ended up being me. 774 00:41:00,805 --> 00:41:02,205 I don't want to get married... 775 00:41:02,305 --> 00:41:04,170 because I see how my parents are. 776 00:41:04,205 --> 00:41:07,669 And they've been together, like, 26 years... 777 00:41:07,704 --> 00:41:10,404 and they're like brother and sister at this point. 778 00:41:10,439 --> 00:41:13,104 My mother goes to the bathroom with the door open. 779 00:41:13,139 --> 00:41:14,669 That's "A." 780 00:41:14,704 --> 00:41:16,504 And "B"... It's disgusting. 781 00:41:16,539 --> 00:41:18,269 I don't want any part of that. 782 00:41:18,304 --> 00:41:20,704 I want first kisses. I want passion... 783 00:41:20,739 --> 00:41:22,568 the whole way through. 784 00:41:22,603 --> 00:41:27,003 It's better than having to kiss your husband's ass all the time. 785 00:41:27,103 --> 00:41:28,568 Yeah. 786 00:41:28,603 --> 00:41:30,668 I think that your documentary... 787 00:41:30,703 --> 00:41:32,503 would be perfect for "In Your Face. " 788 00:41:34,203 --> 00:41:35,568 - See? Forget it. - No. 789 00:41:35,603 --> 00:41:37,602 You're probably thinking more like, you know... 790 00:41:37,637 --> 00:41:39,167 P B.S. or something. 791 00:41:39,202 --> 00:41:41,602 No. No. You know what it is, though? 792 00:41:41,637 --> 00:41:44,302 It's that I.. Boy. 793 00:41:44,402 --> 00:41:46,202 OK, when I made this thing... 794 00:41:46,302 --> 00:41:48,702 I kind of made this promise to myself... 795 00:41:48,802 --> 00:41:50,102 that I wasn't going to think about... 796 00:41:50,202 --> 00:41:53,501 where it was gonna end up because I didn't want to... 797 00:41:53,601 --> 00:41:56,101 unintentionally commercialize it. 798 00:41:56,201 --> 00:41:57,701 No, I think that's great. 799 00:41:57,801 --> 00:41:59,701 I mean, I think you should definitely... 800 00:41:59,801 --> 00:42:01,101 not unintentionally do anything... 801 00:42:01,201 --> 00:42:02,701 that you're not comfortable with. 802 00:42:02,801 --> 00:42:04,701 I mean, not that I would intentionally... 803 00:42:04,801 --> 00:42:06,601 Well, plus it's not done yet, you know. 804 00:42:06,801 --> 00:42:09,100 Right. I know. I know. It was just a stupid... 805 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,600 You know... I got to go to New York on Wednesday... 806 00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:14,600 for this huge network meeting thing... 807 00:42:14,700 --> 00:42:17,700 which is totally... God, you would hate it. 808 00:42:17,735 --> 00:42:20,265 I hate it. I just... I just thought... 809 00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:22,265 that they would freak out over your tapes... 810 00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,699 because they never see anything that's really smart... 811 00:42:24,734 --> 00:42:29,299 and has real... you know, quality and is... 812 00:42:29,334 --> 00:42:31,164 good, like you and your work... 813 00:42:31,199 --> 00:42:35,199 and I know I'm being selfish and... 814 00:42:35,234 --> 00:42:38,164 Michael, um... 815 00:42:38,199 --> 00:42:41,663 That is literally, literally... 816 00:42:41,698 --> 00:42:45,948 the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me... 817 00:42:45,983 --> 00:42:50,198 the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 818 00:42:57,197 --> 00:43:00,697 So, what are you doing for the rest of your morning? 819 00:43:00,732 --> 00:43:02,697 What am... Oh, what am I doing? 820 00:43:02,732 --> 00:43:04,662 What am I doing? 821 00:43:04,697 --> 00:43:06,947 Ooh. Well, I have a job interview. 822 00:43:06,982 --> 00:43:09,197 Lelaina, this thing is from 1988. 823 00:43:09,232 --> 00:43:11,161 I know. Ha ha ha! 824 00:43:11,196 --> 00:43:14,596 So you're, like... six years late. 825 00:43:22,096 --> 00:43:24,596 I thought the ad said that this was a job... 826 00:43:24,631 --> 00:43:26,461 for a production assistant. 827 00:43:26,496 --> 00:43:30,195 Yes. You will be assisting me... 828 00:43:30,295 --> 00:43:34,195 in the production of videotapes, all right? 829 00:43:34,295 --> 00:43:39,095 You're going to make copies for me... many copies. 830 00:43:39,130 --> 00:43:43,894 Oh, is this like a... like a pirate operation? 831 00:43:43,929 --> 00:43:46,894 Do I look like a pirate to you? 832 00:43:49,294 --> 00:43:51,694 Now, radio is all instinct, Lelaina. 833 00:43:51,794 --> 00:43:54,194 Do you know where all the radio comes from? 834 00:43:54,229 --> 00:43:56,494 The gut. It's all in the gut. 835 00:43:56,594 --> 00:43:58,593 Because when you think on your feet... 836 00:43:58,628 --> 00:44:00,058 got to go from your gut. 837 00:44:00,093 --> 00:44:03,093 And my gut is telling me that, uh... 838 00:44:03,128 --> 00:44:04,558 this isn't gonna work out. 839 00:44:04,593 --> 00:44:07,693 Maybe your gut's just saying you're hungry or... 840 00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:10,793 Oh, no, no, no, no. It's telling me that, uh... 841 00:44:10,893 --> 00:44:13,193 you're overqualified for this job. 842 00:44:13,228 --> 00:44:16,492 I'm really not that smart. 843 00:44:18,292 --> 00:44:20,492 No offense, sweetie, but you don't have... 844 00:44:20,527 --> 00:44:22,657 any experience on a newspaper. You're TV. 845 00:44:22,692 --> 00:44:26,092 Well, I'm trying to make my transition to print journalism. 846 00:44:26,127 --> 00:44:27,557 Ah. Why? 847 00:44:27,592 --> 00:44:29,591 Well, newspapers are the last watchdogs... 848 00:44:29,626 --> 00:44:31,056 of our... our government. 849 00:44:31,091 --> 00:44:32,891 They enforce the checks and balances. 850 00:44:32,926 --> 00:44:34,691 And one half-hour of TV only adds up to... 851 00:44:34,726 --> 00:44:36,491 OK. All right. 852 00:44:36,526 --> 00:44:38,891 Define irony. 853 00:44:39,091 --> 00:44:41,191 Irony. Uh... 854 00:44:41,226 --> 00:44:42,656 Irony. 855 00:44:42,691 --> 00:44:44,156 It's a noun. 856 00:44:44,191 --> 00:44:47,090 It's when something is... 857 00:44:47,190 --> 00:44:48,655 ironic. It's, uh... 858 00:44:48,690 --> 00:44:51,990 Well, I can't really define irony... 859 00:44:52,025 --> 00:44:53,690 but I know it when I see it! 860 00:45:16,188 --> 00:45:18,353 Hey. Hey. 861 00:45:18,388 --> 00:45:20,688 Oh, my god. I've never been so glad... 862 00:45:20,788 --> 00:45:22,688 to see anyone in my entire life. 863 00:45:22,788 --> 00:45:24,688 This day has been the biggest nightmare. 864 00:45:24,788 --> 00:45:26,688 I mean, these job interviews, Troy... 865 00:45:26,788 --> 00:45:29,688 the word vivisection, a staggering understatement. 866 00:45:29,788 --> 00:45:31,952 Can you define irony? 867 00:45:31,987 --> 00:45:34,287 It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite... 868 00:45:34,322 --> 00:45:35,987 from the literal meaning. 869 00:45:36,022 --> 00:45:39,587 Yeah. My god. 870 00:45:40,787 --> 00:45:43,787 Where were you when I needed you today? 871 00:45:43,887 --> 00:45:45,752 I... I should go. 872 00:45:45,787 --> 00:45:49,286 Oh, come on. Isn't there some statute of limitations... 873 00:45:49,321 --> 00:45:51,386 for embarrassing incidents? 874 00:45:53,886 --> 00:45:56,086 Your bravado was embarrassing. 875 00:45:59,486 --> 00:46:02,351 Hey, Troy, come on. 876 00:46:02,386 --> 00:46:04,685 You can stay with me for one cigarette. 877 00:46:04,785 --> 00:46:07,885 I know you can stay with me for one cigarette. 878 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,985 You, me, five bucks, good conversation. 879 00:46:11,085 --> 00:46:12,585 Right? 880 00:46:14,485 --> 00:46:15,685 Lainie... 881 00:46:17,785 --> 00:46:20,734 Troy, you haven't been home in four days. 882 00:46:20,769 --> 00:46:23,684 I mean, where have you been sleeping? 883 00:46:26,384 --> 00:46:27,984 I got to go. 884 00:46:34,683 --> 00:46:38,383 Mom, I need to talk to you about a loan. 885 00:46:43,883 --> 00:46:45,483 Is it for drugs? 886 00:46:47,683 --> 00:46:50,282 No. No, it's not for drugs. 887 00:46:50,382 --> 00:46:53,282 I was f... I lost my job. 888 00:46:54,382 --> 00:46:55,782 But you shouldn't have any trouble... 889 00:46:55,882 --> 00:46:57,482 finding another job, sugar bugger. 890 00:46:57,517 --> 00:46:59,147 No. See, I tried. 891 00:46:59,182 --> 00:47:01,782 I applied for every single opening in my field... 892 00:47:01,882 --> 00:47:05,182 but there's just... There's nothing right now. 893 00:47:06,381 --> 00:47:10,581 Hmm. Well... then I hate to say it but... 894 00:47:10,681 --> 00:47:12,081 times are hard. 895 00:47:12,181 --> 00:47:14,081 You're just gonna have to swallow your pride. 896 00:47:15,881 --> 00:47:18,881 Why don't you get a job at Burgerama? They'll hire you. 897 00:47:18,916 --> 00:47:20,946 My lord, I saw on the TV... 898 00:47:20,981 --> 00:47:24,880 they had this little retarded boy working the cash register. 899 00:47:24,915 --> 00:47:28,345 Because I'm not retarded, mom. 900 00:47:28,380 --> 00:47:31,280 I was valedictorian of my university. 901 00:47:31,380 --> 00:47:35,980 Well, you don't have to put that down on your application. 902 00:47:42,879 --> 00:47:44,844 Miss Pierce, do you have any idea... 903 00:47:44,879 --> 00:47:48,344 what it means to be a cashier at Wiener Schnitzel? 904 00:47:48,379 --> 00:47:52,179 Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders and making change, and, uh... 905 00:47:52,214 --> 00:47:53,343 "thank you. " 906 00:47:53,378 --> 00:47:55,043 No. It's a juggling act. 907 00:47:55,078 --> 00:47:59,578 A juggling act? You mean, like, metaphorically? 908 00:47:59,678 --> 00:48:02,378 No. I mean, you got people coming at you from the front... 909 00:48:02,413 --> 00:48:04,878 coming at you from the back, from the sides... 910 00:48:04,978 --> 00:48:06,878 people at the condiment exchange... 911 00:48:06,978 --> 00:48:10,077 people at the drive-thru, kids on bikes... 912 00:48:10,112 --> 00:48:12,377 and they're all depending on who? 913 00:48:12,477 --> 00:48:13,877 - Me? - Yeah. 914 00:48:13,977 --> 00:48:16,377 You got time to lean, you got time to clean, buddy. 915 00:48:16,477 --> 00:48:17,742 All right? 916 00:48:17,777 --> 00:48:19,877 You got to be 150 percent on your toes... 917 00:48:19,977 --> 00:48:21,477 150 percent of the time. 918 00:48:21,577 --> 00:48:24,376 There you go, sir. And have a 'tude, wiener dude. 919 00:48:24,476 --> 00:48:25,976 All rightie. 920 00:48:26,976 --> 00:48:29,376 OK. I'm going to throw a few numbers out at you... 921 00:48:29,476 --> 00:48:32,176 and you put them together in your head as quick as you can. 922 00:48:32,211 --> 00:48:33,241 - OK? - OK. 923 00:48:33,276 --> 00:48:34,776 Eighty-five and forty-five. Go. 924 00:48:35,976 --> 00:48:37,176 One... forty? 925 00:48:37,211 --> 00:48:37,976 Nope. 926 00:48:38,076 --> 00:48:40,240 - One... fifty? - Nope. 927 00:48:40,275 --> 00:48:42,875 - One-sixty? - It's not an auction. 928 00:48:42,975 --> 00:48:47,675 Miss Pierce, there's a reason I've been here six months. 929 00:49:06,074 --> 00:49:07,474 For the entire summertime... 930 00:49:07,509 --> 00:49:08,739 occurring in one day. 931 00:49:08,774 --> 00:49:10,773 Then last night we had snow reports in Utah. 932 00:49:10,808 --> 00:49:12,273 Today reports of I-70... 933 00:49:15,973 --> 00:49:17,438 Royalton Hotel. 934 00:49:17,473 --> 00:49:18,973 Oh, hi. Is this the Royalton Hotel? 935 00:49:19,008 --> 00:49:20,438 That's what I said. 936 00:49:20,473 --> 00:49:21,938 Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you. 937 00:49:21,973 --> 00:49:24,473 I'm looking for a guest there. His name is Michael Grates. 938 00:49:24,508 --> 00:49:26,372 Hold one moment, please. 939 00:49:29,172 --> 00:49:30,537 That guest is out. 940 00:49:30,572 --> 00:49:32,437 Would you like to leave a message? 941 00:49:32,472 --> 00:49:34,672 Oh... no. That's OK. I'll just try again later. 942 00:49:34,707 --> 00:49:35,972 Thanks. 943 00:49:40,972 --> 00:49:44,471 Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode and welcome to "Wedgie"... 944 00:49:44,571 --> 00:49:45,971 the world of hip couture. 945 00:49:46,071 --> 00:49:48,471 This week, we're in south-central Los Angeles... 946 00:49:48,571 --> 00:49:50,471 at the intersection of Florence and Normandy... 947 00:49:50,571 --> 00:49:52,471 the flashpoint of fashion. 948 00:49:52,571 --> 00:49:55,171 The phattest gangsta trend will increase your peace. 949 00:49:55,206 --> 00:49:56,971 This bandanna by Donna Karin... 950 00:49:57,071 --> 00:49:59,470 is blue for Crips, red for Bloods... 951 00:49:59,570 --> 00:50:01,270 and only costs seventy-five dollars. 952 00:50:31,068 --> 00:50:33,068 Lainie, have you seen a pack of guitar strings? 953 00:50:33,168 --> 00:50:35,168 I have to bring them to the club. 954 00:50:35,268 --> 00:50:36,833 You know, I hope he knows... 955 00:50:36,868 --> 00:50:40,068 that he still has to pay some rent around here. 956 00:50:40,103 --> 00:50:42,033 I mean... Ha ha. 957 00:50:42,068 --> 00:50:44,867 I don't know where he thinks he's spending his nights, but... 958 00:50:46,267 --> 00:50:47,767 Do you know? 959 00:50:50,067 --> 00:50:53,267 I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. Let's locomote. 960 00:50:59,866 --> 00:51:02,066 Now you can call your own personal psychic... 961 00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:04,066 anytime 24 hours a day... 962 00:51:04,166 --> 00:51:07,266 thanks to the nationwide Psychic Discovery Network. 963 00:51:07,301 --> 00:51:09,183 You can pick up the phone and talk directly... 964 00:51:09,218 --> 00:51:11,066 with an established professional psychic... 965 00:51:11,101 --> 00:51:13,166 in the privacy of your own home. 966 00:51:13,266 --> 00:51:16,265 I was unhappy in my career, and I needed a change. 967 00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:18,030 But I didn't know what to do. 968 00:51:18,065 --> 00:51:22,265 It's just that nothing is going down according to plan. 969 00:51:22,300 --> 00:51:25,065 I mean, my best friend... 970 00:51:25,165 --> 00:51:27,565 I feel like I've lost him forever... 971 00:51:27,665 --> 00:51:32,064 and he was like my touchstone, you know. 972 00:51:32,164 --> 00:51:33,564 This man... 973 00:51:33,664 --> 00:51:35,829 does his name start with the letter "N"? 974 00:51:35,864 --> 00:51:40,564 Because I'm getting a very strong "N" vibration. 975 00:51:40,664 --> 00:51:43,064 Newsstand. "N," newsstand. 976 00:51:43,164 --> 00:51:44,564 He used to work at a newsstand. 977 00:51:44,664 --> 00:51:46,064 Uh-huh. 978 00:51:46,164 --> 00:51:48,663 Oh, god. This is unbelievable. 979 00:51:48,698 --> 00:51:51,128 Honey, that's not all I'm getting. 980 00:51:51,163 --> 00:51:54,163 There are people I know from high school... 981 00:51:54,198 --> 00:51:58,163 who are already married and having babies. 982 00:51:58,198 --> 00:52:01,228 I mean, babies, OK? 983 00:52:01,263 --> 00:52:02,912 I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. 984 00:52:02,947 --> 00:52:04,562 Well, honey, I didn't have kids... 985 00:52:04,662 --> 00:52:06,562 until I was on my third husband. 986 00:52:06,662 --> 00:52:08,062 Oh, really? 987 00:52:08,097 --> 00:52:09,462 All Geminis. 988 00:52:11,662 --> 00:52:13,762 You know what I think, Tanell? 989 00:52:14,762 --> 00:52:16,912 I think you still really love Monty. 990 00:52:16,947 --> 00:52:19,061 Yeah, you're probably right... 991 00:52:19,161 --> 00:52:20,561 but it don't matter now. 992 00:52:20,661 --> 00:52:22,561 Oh, yes, it does, Tanell. 993 00:52:22,661 --> 00:52:26,561 I know you're afraid, but you've got to find him... 994 00:52:26,661 --> 00:52:29,661 and you've got to tell him how you really feel. 995 00:52:29,761 --> 00:52:32,461 Find him? I got... 996 00:52:32,496 --> 00:52:33,960 Lelaina. 997 00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,660 We need to talk to you. 998 00:52:39,860 --> 00:52:42,260 Hold on, Tanell. Hold on. 999 00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,225 I'm on the phone. 1000 00:52:44,260 --> 00:52:45,560 Yeah, I can see that... 1001 00:52:45,660 --> 00:52:48,060 and we have a four-hundred and six dollar phone bill... 1002 00:52:48,095 --> 00:52:51,276 mainly due to some calls to a 1-900 number. 1003 00:52:51,311 --> 00:52:54,424 Lelaina, I'm so seriously troubled... 1004 00:52:54,459 --> 00:52:56,459 Listen, we'd help you out, but we're broke, too. 1005 00:52:56,494 --> 00:52:58,459 And you know we can't afford a new deposit... 1006 00:52:58,494 --> 00:53:00,859 if the phone gets shut off. 1007 00:53:03,359 --> 00:53:06,558 Maybe you could borrow the money from Michael. 1008 00:53:06,593 --> 00:53:08,958 No, Sammy. Jesus. 1009 00:53:09,058 --> 00:53:11,223 Lainie, what are you doing? 1010 00:53:11,258 --> 00:53:13,858 What are you doing? You lay on that couch all day. 1011 00:53:13,958 --> 00:53:15,458 Those pajamas are like your uniform. 1012 00:53:15,558 --> 00:53:17,858 You run up a four-hundred dollar phone bill. 1013 00:53:17,893 --> 00:53:19,523 You watch TV. You chain-smoke. 1014 00:53:19,558 --> 00:53:21,457 You don't go outside. You don't do anything. 1015 00:53:21,492 --> 00:53:24,022 Man, you are in the bell jar. 1016 00:53:24,057 --> 00:53:29,957 Look, this is my apartment. I signed the lease. 1017 00:53:30,057 --> 00:53:33,457 I let you move in here when you had no job, no money... 1018 00:53:33,557 --> 00:53:35,457 and you sponged off me for two months! 1019 00:53:35,557 --> 00:53:37,021 Sponged? Uh-huh. 1020 00:53:37,056 --> 00:53:38,556 And now Miss Big Power Marm... 1021 00:53:38,656 --> 00:53:39,956 Miss "I'm manager of the Gap now"... 1022 00:53:40,056 --> 00:53:42,056 you think you can just come in here and push me around?! 1023 00:53:42,156 --> 00:53:44,121 She's not being pushy. 1024 00:53:44,156 --> 00:53:47,856 Sammy, what are you even doing here? You don't live here! 1025 00:53:47,891 --> 00:53:50,021 Hey, my little unemployed waif... 1026 00:53:50,056 --> 00:53:52,855 you're the one who's looking for work now, OK? 1027 00:53:52,890 --> 00:53:55,655 God, you're really enjoying this, aren't you? 1028 00:53:55,690 --> 00:53:57,020 You're high. 1029 00:53:57,055 --> 00:53:59,655 Why don't you go take a walk outside and get some fresh air? 1030 00:54:01,255 --> 00:54:03,955 You've been waiting for this since the day we met. 1031 00:54:04,055 --> 00:54:06,255 Who told you that? Your psychic partner? 1032 00:54:09,754 --> 00:54:12,554 I'll tell you the problem with your generation. 1033 00:54:12,589 --> 00:54:14,019 You don't have any work ethic. 1034 00:54:14,054 --> 00:54:16,019 Now, you take your friend Troy, for example. 1035 00:54:16,054 --> 00:54:18,554 I went out of my way to set up an interview for him... 1036 00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,554 and he didn't even bother to show up. 1037 00:54:22,054 --> 00:54:25,303 That wasn't his fault. He asked me to call and cancel. 1038 00:54:25,338 --> 00:54:28,518 And everything was going on. And it slipped my mind. 1039 00:54:28,553 --> 00:54:31,803 And I'm... sorry, but, you know, I have a work ethic, dad. 1040 00:54:31,838 --> 00:54:35,445 I have a very strong work ethic, you know. Ask anyone. 1041 00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,266 Then all you got to do is show some ingenuity, hmm? 1042 00:54:38,301 --> 00:54:41,052 Darling, I love you, and I hate to break your plate... 1043 00:54:41,087 --> 00:54:43,017 but you got to grow up sometime. 1044 00:54:43,052 --> 00:54:47,052 Now, I want you to go out there and show me some ingenuity, hmm? 1045 00:55:03,251 --> 00:55:06,151 Let me talk with you, my baby 1046 00:55:06,186 --> 00:55:08,518 It is bad to say that maybe 1047 00:55:08,553 --> 00:55:10,851 It is time for you to say we 1048 00:55:10,886 --> 00:55:13,150 Came to share a point of view 1049 00:55:13,185 --> 00:55:15,050 Living in the never-never 1050 00:55:15,150 --> 00:55:18,200 Dropping out of here together 1051 00:55:18,235 --> 00:55:21,250 I could spend some time forever 1052 00:55:21,350 --> 00:55:24,150 With a girl like you, let me hear you say 1053 00:55:24,185 --> 00:55:28,049 Let's go, ooh 1054 00:55:28,149 --> 00:55:33,649 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1055 00:55:33,684 --> 00:55:36,414 Let's go 1056 00:55:36,449 --> 00:55:38,414 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1057 00:55:38,449 --> 00:55:42,448 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah 1058 00:55:42,483 --> 00:55:45,348 Right here on earth. 1059 00:55:45,448 --> 00:55:49,048 Looking for tomorrow 1060 00:55:51,148 --> 00:55:54,148 Can you see us one day? 1061 00:55:56,148 --> 00:55:58,747 Beg or steal or borrow 1062 00:56:01,147 --> 00:56:04,047 We could live forever 1063 00:56:05,747 --> 00:56:08,347 Never to say never 1064 00:56:08,382 --> 00:56:10,947 You will be for me 1065 00:56:11,047 --> 00:56:14,346 I will fight for you, now 1066 00:56:14,446 --> 00:56:16,311 Let's go 1067 00:56:16,346 --> 00:56:18,246 Ooh, ooh, ooh 1068 00:56:18,346 --> 00:56:22,446 You want to turn it in, turn it into heaven, yeah... 1069 00:56:26,746 --> 00:56:28,645 Well, that solves our first problem. 1070 00:56:28,745 --> 00:56:30,645 Rent's due this week. 1071 00:56:34,045 --> 00:56:35,510 Well, well. 1072 00:56:35,545 --> 00:56:39,345 Look who finally decided to grace us with his... 1073 00:56:40,845 --> 00:56:42,210 Presence. 1074 00:56:42,245 --> 00:56:44,544 This is... This is, uh, Jean. 1075 00:56:44,644 --> 00:56:45,709 Janine. 1076 00:56:45,744 --> 00:56:50,744 Uh, Janine. Janine. It's a little loud in the club. 1077 00:56:50,844 --> 00:56:52,244 Excuse me. 1078 00:56:53,744 --> 00:56:55,144 Can't stay here, Troy. 1079 00:56:55,244 --> 00:56:57,644 I'm just gonna pick something up. 1080 00:56:57,744 --> 00:56:59,044 Well... 1081 00:56:59,144 --> 00:57:03,043 Mission accomplished. Now leave. 1082 00:57:03,143 --> 00:57:04,908 I think maybe I'm gonna wait... 1083 00:57:04,943 --> 00:57:07,243 Always the mistress of etiquette, huh, Lainie? 1084 00:57:07,278 --> 00:57:08,708 Just out of curiosity... 1085 00:57:08,743 --> 00:57:10,843 why are you suddenly acting like a jealous girlfriend? 1086 00:57:10,943 --> 00:57:13,443 All right. We're just trying to pay bills here, OK? 1087 00:57:13,478 --> 00:57:15,707 So, Troy, if you got any money... 1088 00:57:15,742 --> 00:57:19,342 Money? Oh, but what's money to an artist? 1089 00:57:19,377 --> 00:57:22,942 To a philosopher? It's just green-colored paper... 1090 00:57:23,042 --> 00:57:25,207 that floats in and out of his life like snow. 1091 00:57:25,242 --> 00:57:27,642 It's nothing you actually have to, I don't know, work for... 1092 00:57:27,677 --> 00:57:28,842 is it, Troy? 1093 00:57:28,942 --> 00:57:30,541 No, not if you have daddy's little gas card. 1094 00:57:30,576 --> 00:57:32,006 You shut up! 1095 00:57:32,041 --> 00:57:34,641 You shut up! I busted my ass to find a job, any job! 1096 00:57:34,676 --> 00:57:36,858 You don't even bother showing up for interviews! 1097 00:57:36,893 --> 00:57:39,041 What is it that you want from me? Huh? What is it? 1098 00:57:39,141 --> 00:57:40,541 You want me to get a job on the line... 1099 00:57:40,641 --> 00:57:42,206 for the next 20 years, until I'm granted leave... 1100 00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:44,591 with my gold-plated watch and my balls full of tumors... 1101 00:57:44,626 --> 00:57:46,940 because I surrendered the one thing that means shit to me? 1102 00:57:46,975 --> 00:57:48,405 Well, honey, you can just exhale... 1103 00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,340 because it's not gonna happen, not in this lifetime. 1104 00:57:52,340 --> 00:57:54,340 All right, fine! You don't want to work, fine! 1105 00:57:54,375 --> 00:57:55,805 Lainie, goddamn it! 1106 00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:58,340 You want to be a band, then be a goddamn band! 1107 00:57:58,375 --> 00:57:59,840 Rehearse every day! Play every night! 1108 00:57:59,875 --> 00:58:01,305 Play three times a night! 1109 00:58:01,340 --> 00:58:05,339 Don't just dick around the same coffeehouse for five years! 1110 00:58:05,439 --> 00:58:08,339 Don't dick around with her or with me. 1111 00:58:08,439 --> 00:58:10,339 I mean, try at something, for once in your life! 1112 00:58:10,439 --> 00:58:12,404 Do something about it, but you know what? 1113 00:58:12,439 --> 00:58:14,839 You better do it now, and you better do it fast... 1114 00:58:14,939 --> 00:58:17,438 because the world doesn't owe you any favors... 1115 00:58:17,473 --> 00:58:18,903 and whether you know it or not... 1116 00:58:18,938 --> 00:58:21,138 you're on the inside track to Loserville, U.S.A... 1117 00:58:21,173 --> 00:58:23,438 just like him. 1118 00:58:33,337 --> 00:58:35,837 OK. It's just too psychotic in here now. 1119 00:58:35,872 --> 00:58:38,337 All right, Lelaina, let's go for a walk. 1120 00:58:39,637 --> 00:58:40,637 Fine. 1121 00:58:42,137 --> 00:58:44,937 Come on, man. Let them go. 1122 00:58:47,437 --> 00:58:51,136 With pleasure, my friends. With pleasure. Ha. 1123 00:58:51,236 --> 00:58:53,436 "With pleasure"? You know who I really feel sorry for... 1124 00:58:53,471 --> 00:58:54,736 is that poor girl. 1125 00:58:54,936 --> 00:58:57,086 Oh, how about when he sneaks his laundry in with ours? 1126 00:58:57,121 --> 00:58:59,236 It's like I'm pulling that stuff out of the dryer... 1127 00:58:59,271 --> 00:59:00,736 and there's five pairs of his boxers... 1128 00:59:00,771 --> 00:59:02,201 I just washed unknowingly. 1129 00:59:02,236 --> 00:59:03,986 No, I'll just throw it back in his face. 1130 00:59:04,021 --> 00:59:06,127 Yeah, like I'm gonna do his laundry. Yeah. 1131 00:59:06,162 --> 00:59:08,235 He's weird. He's strange. He's sloppy. 1132 00:59:08,270 --> 00:59:10,300 He's a total nightmare for women. 1133 00:59:10,335 --> 00:59:13,235 I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet. 1134 00:59:14,535 --> 00:59:16,135 Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? 1135 00:59:17,335 --> 00:59:20,134 Don't you think it would be so much easier? 1136 00:59:21,634 --> 00:59:24,099 Sometimes, but... 1137 00:59:24,134 --> 00:59:26,384 Nah. I couldn't go through with it. 1138 00:59:26,419 --> 00:59:28,676 I'd start laughing or something. 1139 00:59:28,711 --> 00:59:30,934 But it's such a shame... 1140 00:59:31,134 --> 00:59:33,184 because I am so through with men. 1141 00:59:33,219 --> 00:59:35,226 If one more guy walks out on me... 1142 00:59:35,261 --> 00:59:37,198 I don't even know what. I swear. 1143 00:59:37,233 --> 00:59:39,333 What are you talking about... 1144 00:59:39,368 --> 00:59:41,433 Walk out on you? You walk out on them. 1145 00:59:41,533 --> 00:59:42,898 I've seen you. 1146 00:59:42,933 --> 00:59:45,033 You're out the door before the condom comes off. 1147 00:59:46,033 --> 00:59:48,533 Listen to me, I'm just beating them to the punch. 1148 00:59:48,568 --> 00:59:49,733 OK. 1149 00:59:52,832 --> 00:59:55,732 You don't even know I'm sitting here... 1150 00:59:55,832 --> 00:59:57,332 maybe... 1151 00:59:58,832 --> 01:00:00,632 Probably dying of A.I.D.S. 1152 01:00:07,631 --> 01:00:10,631 And I'm totally alone. 1153 01:00:14,731 --> 01:00:16,231 Vickie... 1154 01:00:17,731 --> 01:00:19,696 Well, uh... 1155 01:00:19,731 --> 01:00:21,431 you're not alone. 1156 01:00:23,430 --> 01:00:27,230 Hey. Look, I'm sorry for everything I said... 1157 01:00:27,265 --> 01:00:30,547 and I'm sorry for being such a bitch... 1158 01:00:30,582 --> 01:00:33,706 but I have to tell you, you're not alone. 1159 01:00:33,741 --> 01:00:36,785 You're not, and you're not dying of A.I.D.S. 1160 01:00:36,820 --> 01:00:39,829 You don't understand. Every day, all day... 1161 01:00:39,864 --> 01:00:42,329 it's all that I think about, OK? 1162 01:00:42,364 --> 01:00:43,794 Every time I sneeze... 1163 01:00:43,829 --> 01:00:46,829 it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. 1164 01:00:46,864 --> 01:00:48,996 And it's like it's not even happening to me. 1165 01:00:49,031 --> 01:00:51,129 It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show... 1166 01:00:51,329 --> 01:00:52,629 like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? 1167 01:00:52,664 --> 01:00:53,893 And I'm the new character. 1168 01:00:53,928 --> 01:00:55,393 I'm the H.I.V.- A.I.D.S. character... 1169 01:00:55,428 --> 01:00:57,528 and I live in the building, and I teach everybody... 1170 01:00:57,563 --> 01:00:59,628 that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me... 1171 01:00:59,728 --> 01:01:01,128 and then I die... 1172 01:01:01,228 --> 01:01:03,128 and there's everybody at my funeral... 1173 01:01:03,228 --> 01:01:05,728 wearing halter tops and chokers or some shit like that. 1174 01:01:07,028 --> 01:01:09,692 Vickie, stop, OK? Just stop. 1175 01:01:09,727 --> 01:01:11,877 You're freaking out, and you know what? 1176 01:01:11,912 --> 01:01:13,992 You're gonna have to deal with the results. 1177 01:01:14,027 --> 01:01:15,827 Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them... 1178 01:01:15,862 --> 01:01:17,594 just like we've dealt with everything else. 1179 01:01:17,629 --> 01:01:19,327 This isn't like everything else. 1180 01:01:19,362 --> 01:01:21,527 I know that, all right? 1181 01:01:21,627 --> 01:01:24,327 But it's gonna be OK, you know? 1182 01:01:24,362 --> 01:01:26,026 I know it's gonna be OK. 1183 01:01:30,826 --> 01:01:34,326 "Melrose Place" is a really good show. 1184 01:01:42,425 --> 01:01:44,925 Lelaina Pierce. 1185 01:01:46,225 --> 01:01:49,025 Is there a Lelaina Pierce here? 1186 01:01:51,925 --> 01:01:53,225 Yeah. 1187 01:02:00,324 --> 01:02:01,824 Hello. Lelaina? 1188 01:02:01,859 --> 01:02:03,024 Ha ha! Hi! 1189 01:02:03,124 --> 01:02:04,624 Look, I had to call you right away. 1190 01:02:04,824 --> 01:02:06,324 Listen, listen. Don't kill me, OK? 1191 01:02:06,359 --> 01:02:07,524 What? What? 1192 01:02:07,624 --> 01:02:09,124 I took the tape, and I showed it. 1193 01:02:09,324 --> 01:02:10,789 No. 1194 01:02:10,824 --> 01:02:13,423 Wait, wait, wait. Listen. They freaked out. 1195 01:02:13,458 --> 01:02:14,923 They want to buy them. 1196 01:02:14,958 --> 01:02:16,790 - No. - Yes. 1197 01:02:16,825 --> 01:02:18,588 They liked it? 1198 01:02:18,623 --> 01:02:21,123 No, no. I mean, they, like, psychotically loved it. 1199 01:02:21,158 --> 01:02:23,623 They want to pay you for it. 1200 01:02:23,723 --> 01:02:25,588 I know this isn't P B.S., but is this OK? 1201 01:02:25,623 --> 01:02:28,422 Yes! I was this close to selling fruit at intersections. 1202 01:02:28,457 --> 01:02:30,387 Well, don't, all right? Don't. 1203 01:02:30,422 --> 01:02:32,022 Just hang on, and I'm gonna get you some money... 1204 01:02:32,057 --> 01:02:33,722 and I'm gonna be down there in a few days... 1205 01:02:33,757 --> 01:02:34,987 and I just... I'm just, like... 1206 01:02:35,022 --> 01:02:36,822 I'm thinking about you every second here. 1207 01:02:38,322 --> 01:02:39,987 Hello! Hello! Hello! 1208 01:02:40,022 --> 01:02:41,522 Hello! Can you hear me now? 1209 01:02:41,557 --> 01:02:43,521 Where are you? 1210 01:02:43,721 --> 01:02:44,986 I'm in a phone booth. 1211 01:02:45,021 --> 01:02:47,086 Why are you on a cellular phone? 1212 01:02:47,121 --> 01:02:49,521 I don't know. I have no idea. I'm just... 1213 01:02:49,621 --> 01:02:53,121 Michael, Michael, Michael, I... I really miss you! 1214 01:02:53,156 --> 01:02:55,421 I really miss you, too. I love you. Oh! Whoa! 1215 01:02:55,456 --> 01:02:58,421 I mean... I mean... you amaze me. 1216 01:02:58,456 --> 01:03:00,287 No! You amaze me! 1217 01:03:00,322 --> 01:03:01,971 Hello? 1218 01:03:02,006 --> 01:03:03,585 Can you hear me? 1219 01:03:03,620 --> 01:03:05,620 Michael, I'm losing you. 1220 01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:08,420 I'm gonna call you back. Wait. What? 1221 01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:17,419 Pay phone outside... always amazes me. 1222 01:03:17,919 --> 01:03:19,019 Hey. 1223 01:03:20,019 --> 01:03:22,019 "Try me. I'm free. " 1224 01:03:24,519 --> 01:03:26,519 Good mag. Good mag. 1225 01:03:28,819 --> 01:03:32,318 - Negatory. - Yeah! All right! 1226 01:03:32,518 --> 01:03:34,818 Did you hear that? Negative! 1227 01:03:35,018 --> 01:03:37,718 Here. Let me see that. 1228 01:03:37,753 --> 01:03:40,383 Hey, hey! All rightie! 1229 01:03:40,418 --> 01:03:42,418 Thanks for the help, Lainie. 1230 01:03:42,453 --> 01:03:44,418 A celebration zoom. 1231 01:03:44,453 --> 01:03:47,182 OK. Enough. 1232 01:03:47,217 --> 01:03:49,417 - Ma! - I'm right here, son. 1233 01:03:49,452 --> 01:03:51,382 - Ma. - Yeah? 1234 01:03:51,417 --> 01:03:55,717 I have to tell you some... thing. 1235 01:03:55,752 --> 01:04:01,017 I am... a... homo... sexual. 1236 01:04:02,016 --> 01:04:06,516 Oh, Christ. Is there a support group that I can join... 1237 01:04:06,551 --> 01:04:10,016 to help me come to terms with my own homophobia? 1238 01:04:10,051 --> 01:04:11,981 Yes, there is... 1239 01:04:12,016 --> 01:04:14,481 a group which is named P F L.A.G... 1240 01:04:14,516 --> 01:04:19,415 Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 1241 01:04:20,415 --> 01:04:23,380 Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G. 1242 01:04:23,415 --> 01:04:26,715 I'm beginning to like the sound of that. 1243 01:04:29,215 --> 01:04:31,915 What you've just witnessed here is a preenactment... 1244 01:04:31,950 --> 01:04:34,714 of events that are about to take place. 1245 01:04:37,014 --> 01:04:43,714 Well... I came out to her, and... 1246 01:04:43,814 --> 01:04:47,514 she's still a little bit upset. 1247 01:04:47,714 --> 01:04:49,513 But you know... 1248 01:04:51,113 --> 01:04:53,513 You know, I think the real reason... 1249 01:04:53,613 --> 01:04:55,778 that I've been celibate for so long... 1250 01:04:55,813 --> 01:04:59,513 isn't really because I'm that terrified of the big "A"... 1251 01:04:59,613 --> 01:05:02,113 but because I can't really start my life... 1252 01:05:02,148 --> 01:05:04,612 without being honest about who I am and... 1253 01:05:06,612 --> 01:05:08,912 I want to be in there, too. 1254 01:05:09,112 --> 01:05:13,912 I want to feel miserable and happy and all of that. 1255 01:05:14,112 --> 01:05:15,912 I mean, I... 1256 01:05:16,112 --> 01:05:17,912 I want to... 1257 01:05:20,211 --> 01:05:23,011 I want to be let back in the house. 1258 01:05:33,511 --> 01:05:37,110 Hello. Oh, hi. 1259 01:05:37,310 --> 01:05:39,575 Um... sorry. 1260 01:05:39,610 --> 01:05:42,610 Just... the door was... 1261 01:05:42,645 --> 01:05:43,810 So I just, um... 1262 01:05:45,110 --> 01:05:47,110 Yeah, she's getting dressed. 1263 01:05:49,110 --> 01:05:50,210 Great. 1264 01:06:00,209 --> 01:06:01,709 I'll just... 1265 01:06:10,508 --> 01:06:12,508 Oh, I, um... I don't know if she told you... 1266 01:06:12,543 --> 01:06:13,973 but I just came back from New York... 1267 01:06:14,008 --> 01:06:17,108 with the tapes that she made, and the stuff of you... 1268 01:06:17,143 --> 01:06:19,273 it's really... it's really great stuff. 1269 01:06:19,308 --> 01:06:22,607 Really. That whole... that whole thing about... 1270 01:06:22,642 --> 01:06:26,107 "Nobody can eat all the eggs," that was... 1271 01:06:26,142 --> 01:06:27,572 that was really... 1272 01:06:27,607 --> 01:06:29,607 I was quoting Cool Hand Luke. 1273 01:06:31,307 --> 01:06:34,257 Yeah. That's OK. I mean... That's... I know. 1274 01:06:34,292 --> 01:06:37,207 It's... I mean... You know... It's still... It's... 1275 01:06:37,806 --> 01:06:39,706 Hi. 1276 01:06:39,806 --> 01:06:42,106 - Hi. - Hi. 1277 01:06:42,206 --> 01:06:44,406 What happened to your normal clothes? 1278 01:06:44,506 --> 01:06:46,556 Wow! Lelaina, look at you. 1279 01:06:46,591 --> 01:06:49,598 You look... Where'd you get that dress? 1280 01:06:49,633 --> 01:06:52,606 Oh, um... I don't know. I just bought it. 1281 01:06:52,706 --> 01:06:55,305 But I think I'm gonna go change because... 1282 01:06:55,340 --> 01:06:56,605 No, don't. You look beautiful. 1283 01:06:56,705 --> 01:06:59,005 You look like... You look like... 1284 01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:00,505 A doily. 1285 01:07:04,105 --> 01:07:06,570 - I'm gonna change. - No, don't change. 1286 01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:08,804 And don't go thinking for yourself either, Lainie. 1287 01:07:08,904 --> 01:07:11,004 Hey, what is your glitch, huh? 1288 01:07:11,039 --> 01:07:12,804 My "glitch"? 1289 01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:15,669 You know what? We're already late. 1290 01:07:15,704 --> 01:07:17,954 No, no, no, no. Hang on a second here. 1291 01:07:17,989 --> 01:07:20,246 Do you have, like, a problem with me or something? 1292 01:07:20,281 --> 01:07:22,592 Because if you do, let's just get this out, all right? 1293 01:07:22,627 --> 01:07:25,314 Seriously, is there, like... I mean, have I, like, uh... 1294 01:07:25,349 --> 01:07:28,003 stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? 1295 01:07:28,038 --> 01:07:29,768 Because.. Because... No, no, no. Excuse me... 1296 01:07:29,803 --> 01:07:31,903 if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you. 1297 01:07:32,003 --> 01:07:34,003 There's no secret handshake. 1298 01:07:34,103 --> 01:07:37,803 There's an I.Q. prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake. 1299 01:07:39,403 --> 01:07:41,167 I... This is... You... No... 1300 01:07:41,202 --> 01:07:44,052 This guy... you've got this whole thing with the world. 1301 01:07:44,087 --> 01:07:46,902 Don't you? Huh? That's great. That's really wonderful. 1302 01:07:46,937 --> 01:07:48,502 But guess what. I'm a human being, OK? 1303 01:07:48,602 --> 01:07:50,467 We're human beings, people, OK? 1304 01:07:50,502 --> 01:07:54,702 We're not, like, intelligence quotations or whatever. 1305 01:07:54,737 --> 01:07:56,701 - Just ignore him. - No! 1306 01:07:56,736 --> 01:07:57,901 Done. 1307 01:08:01,201 --> 01:08:03,201 Come on. Let's go. You don't need this. 1308 01:08:03,301 --> 01:08:05,101 You don't know what she needs. 1309 01:08:07,301 --> 01:08:10,001 I think I know what she needs in a way that you never will. 1310 01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:17,400 Let's go. 1311 01:08:23,300 --> 01:08:25,700 Baby, tell me that my love ain't good 1312 01:08:25,800 --> 01:08:31,199 I don't treat you right, I don't do you like I should... 1313 01:08:31,299 --> 01:08:33,699 Listen, that's got to be back here, OK? 1314 01:08:33,899 --> 01:08:35,399 - Hi. - Hi. 1315 01:08:36,399 --> 01:08:37,864 So, you ready? 1316 01:08:37,899 --> 01:08:39,699 Well, what's it like? I mean... 1317 01:08:39,799 --> 01:08:41,399 It's great. It's great. 1318 01:08:41,499 --> 01:08:43,198 I mean, I haven't actually seen it yet... 1319 01:08:43,298 --> 01:08:45,548 but we had our best guys working on it... 1320 01:08:45,583 --> 01:08:48,190 and, you know, we just put some titles on... 1321 01:08:48,225 --> 01:08:50,798 and shaped it a little bit. It's gonna be great. 1322 01:08:50,833 --> 01:08:52,065 OK. 1323 01:08:52,100 --> 01:08:53,649 OK, OK. 1324 01:08:53,684 --> 01:08:55,198 OK. Thanks. 1325 01:08:56,198 --> 01:08:59,262 OK, everybody, it's a special night... 1326 01:08:59,297 --> 01:09:01,297 because, as you know, we're entering into... 1327 01:09:01,332 --> 01:09:02,797 a new phase here at the channel... 1328 01:09:02,832 --> 01:09:04,762 real programming. 1329 01:09:04,797 --> 01:09:07,297 And our first step is this remarkable piece... 1330 01:09:07,332 --> 01:09:08,697 by Lelaina. 1331 01:09:12,697 --> 01:09:14,596 So hang on, because this is going to change... 1332 01:09:14,696 --> 01:09:16,396 the face of "In Your Face. " 1333 01:09:45,494 --> 01:09:46,894 What's this? 1334 01:09:46,994 --> 01:09:49,394 It's just transitional stuff. 1335 01:09:50,294 --> 01:09:55,394 La la la-la la 1336 01:09:55,494 --> 01:10:01,793 The story of my life 1337 01:10:01,893 --> 01:10:02,858 We're finished! 1338 01:10:02,893 --> 01:10:06,758 School's out forever 1339 01:10:06,793 --> 01:10:09,993 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 1340 01:10:10,093 --> 01:10:12,793 And you wonder why we never got involved. 1341 01:10:12,828 --> 01:10:15,493 School's been blown to pieces 1342 01:10:15,528 --> 01:10:17,309 Love can make you weep 1343 01:10:17,344 --> 01:10:19,092 I don't want to get married... 1344 01:10:19,192 --> 01:10:20,492 because I see how my parents are. 1345 01:10:20,592 --> 01:10:22,792 - My parents got divorced... - My parents got divorced... 1346 01:10:22,827 --> 01:10:24,557 - When I was fourteen. - When I was five years old. 1347 01:10:24,592 --> 01:10:27,492 My mother actually goes to the bathroom with the door open. 1348 01:10:33,691 --> 01:10:36,391 I swore to myself I'd never get married. 1349 01:10:36,426 --> 01:10:37,291 I want passion. 1350 01:10:37,391 --> 01:10:40,391 Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about... 1351 01:10:40,426 --> 01:10:43,156 Turns you on, doesn't it? Brownies! 1352 01:10:43,191 --> 01:10:47,490 Would you two just do it and get it over with? I'm starving. 1353 01:10:47,525 --> 01:10:49,390 Oh, my god. 1354 01:10:49,490 --> 01:10:50,790 But the question remains... 1355 01:10:52,890 --> 01:10:55,690 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 1356 01:10:55,790 --> 01:10:57,990 I was told there'd be no math on this exam. 1357 01:10:58,025 --> 01:10:59,457 Can I change my answer? 1358 01:10:59,492 --> 01:11:00,855 The answer is simple. 1359 01:11:00,890 --> 01:11:03,189 We're on a road to nowhere 1360 01:11:03,224 --> 01:11:05,354 Jesus. 1361 01:11:05,389 --> 01:11:07,289 The answer is... The-the-the answer is... 1362 01:11:07,389 --> 01:11:08,489 Pizza! 1363 01:11:08,524 --> 01:11:09,554 Pizza. 1364 01:11:09,589 --> 01:11:11,189 Pizza. Ha ha. 1365 01:11:20,988 --> 01:11:22,488 Oh... 1366 01:11:24,488 --> 01:11:26,888 - It's, um... - Yeah, right. 1367 01:11:26,988 --> 01:11:29,988 We're on a road to nowhere 1368 01:11:30,088 --> 01:11:32,988 But here we go 1369 01:11:33,023 --> 01:11:34,687 Lelaina. 1370 01:11:43,087 --> 01:11:45,487 Lelaina, look. I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know. 1371 01:11:45,587 --> 01:11:47,487 That was not my work, Michael. That's not what I did. 1372 01:11:47,587 --> 01:11:49,487 That's not what I want. It had nothing! 1373 01:11:49,587 --> 01:11:51,486 I can't believe I trusted you! 1374 01:11:51,586 --> 01:11:53,486 I had no idea! I didn't see it! 1375 01:11:53,586 --> 01:11:55,986 I mean, look. I guess it was probably a little slow... 1376 01:11:56,086 --> 01:11:57,486 and they cut it up a little... 1377 01:11:57,586 --> 01:11:58,486 Cut it up? 1378 01:11:58,586 --> 01:12:00,551 They cut up everything that meant anything to me! 1379 01:12:00,586 --> 01:12:03,086 I mean, I don't even think you realize what you've done. 1380 01:12:03,121 --> 01:12:05,086 You don't get it. You just don't get it! 1381 01:12:05,121 --> 01:12:07,050 I do get it! Look. It just... 1382 01:12:07,085 --> 01:12:09,085 It's, like, you have this great piece of work... 1383 01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:11,050 and we have this audience, these kids... 1384 01:12:11,085 --> 01:12:13,085 and it's like trying to feed them meatloaf or something... 1385 01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:14,550 and they don't want to eat it, right? 1386 01:12:14,585 --> 01:12:16,335 So you have to give them, like, "Here comes the plane. 1387 01:12:16,370 --> 01:12:18,085 "It's coming into the hangar. Open up the hangar. " 1388 01:12:18,120 --> 01:12:19,185 But it's still meatloaf. 1389 01:12:19,285 --> 01:12:20,935 It was never meatloaf! 1390 01:12:20,970 --> 01:12:22,526 That's a bad... I just... 1391 01:12:22,561 --> 01:12:24,049 Look, I'm sorry, all right? 1392 01:12:24,084 --> 01:12:25,584 They were just trying to market it. 1393 01:12:25,619 --> 01:12:27,084 And I wish I could be perfect, OK? 1394 01:12:27,119 --> 01:12:28,549 I wish I could be like Troy... 1395 01:12:28,584 --> 01:12:30,584 riding on his melted cheese sandwich and everything. 1396 01:12:30,619 --> 01:12:32,101 Don't you dare bring Troy into this. 1397 01:12:32,136 --> 01:12:33,549 Hey, I wish I could be like him. 1398 01:12:33,584 --> 01:12:35,084 I wish I could live off of creeds and mottoes... 1399 01:12:35,119 --> 01:12:36,549 and all that shit, all right? 1400 01:12:36,584 --> 01:12:38,583 But I'm in the real world here, OK? 1401 01:12:38,618 --> 01:12:41,048 And I have ideals also. 1402 01:12:41,083 --> 01:12:44,883 They're that I... I care about you... 1403 01:12:44,983 --> 01:12:47,083 and I want to make you happy... 1404 01:12:47,118 --> 01:12:48,583 and I'm... 1405 01:12:50,583 --> 01:12:52,033 I just... 1406 01:12:52,068 --> 01:12:53,482 Look... 1407 01:12:56,082 --> 01:12:58,982 I'll make them take the pizza thing out, OK? 1408 01:13:03,082 --> 01:13:06,332 I'm just a bill 1409 01:13:06,367 --> 01:13:09,581 Yes, I'm only a bill 1410 01:13:09,681 --> 01:13:15,581 And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill 1411 01:13:15,681 --> 01:13:20,081 Well, it's a long, long journey to... 1412 01:13:26,780 --> 01:13:29,180 How'd the big premiere turn out? 1413 01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:33,280 Fine. 1414 01:13:40,779 --> 01:13:43,779 They were just videotapes, right? 1415 01:13:45,279 --> 01:13:47,479 Who cares? Ha ha. 1416 01:13:50,279 --> 01:13:55,478 I just worked so hard on them, you know? 1417 01:13:57,778 --> 01:14:00,278 I worked so hard. 1418 01:14:01,778 --> 01:14:04,243 Ah, forget it. I just sound pathetic. 1419 01:14:04,278 --> 01:14:06,978 No, you don't. You don't sound pathetic. 1420 01:14:08,278 --> 01:14:10,777 You know, I know it sounds stupid... 1421 01:14:10,812 --> 01:14:13,277 but it really meant something to me. 1422 01:14:14,677 --> 01:14:19,277 I know it wasn't gonna, you know, end world hunger... 1423 01:14:19,312 --> 01:14:21,744 or, you know, save the planet... 1424 01:14:21,779 --> 01:14:24,177 but it just meant something to me. 1425 01:14:27,476 --> 01:14:29,276 I just don't... 1426 01:14:31,776 --> 01:14:34,976 Understand why things just can't go back to normal... 1427 01:14:35,011 --> 01:14:37,241 at the end of the half-hour... 1428 01:14:37,276 --> 01:14:39,676 like on "The Brady Bunch" or something. 1429 01:14:42,275 --> 01:14:45,075 Well, because Mr. Brady died of A.I.D.S. 1430 01:14:49,075 --> 01:14:51,375 Things don't work out like that. 1431 01:14:53,375 --> 01:14:58,874 I was really gonna be something by the age of twenty-three. 1432 01:15:00,174 --> 01:15:04,374 Honey, all you have to be by the age of twenty-three... 1433 01:15:04,409 --> 01:15:05,974 is yourself. 1434 01:15:09,974 --> 01:15:13,173 I don't know who that is anymore. 1435 01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:14,573 Well, I do. 1436 01:15:16,973 --> 01:15:20,273 And we all love her. I love her. 1437 01:15:21,773 --> 01:15:23,773 Uh... 1438 01:15:25,073 --> 01:15:27,373 She breaks my heart again and again... 1439 01:15:27,408 --> 01:15:28,872 but, uh... 1440 01:15:30,172 --> 01:15:31,872 But I love her. 1441 01:16:32,468 --> 01:16:35,968 I've wanted you like this for all these years. 1442 01:17:19,065 --> 01:17:20,165 Hey. 1443 01:17:20,265 --> 01:17:23,565 Hi. Ha ha. Where are you going? 1444 01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:25,565 I have rehearsal. 1445 01:17:27,265 --> 01:17:30,565 At 8:24 in the morning? 1446 01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:32,365 Yeah. Ha ha. 1447 01:17:37,564 --> 01:17:39,429 - So... that's it? - No. 1448 01:17:39,464 --> 01:17:41,764 No, that's not... It's not it. 1449 01:17:41,799 --> 01:17:44,064 I just... I, uh... I have to go. 1450 01:18:00,963 --> 01:18:05,562 Got a party mama, got a cokehead dad 1451 01:18:09,262 --> 01:18:14,762 I'm the ultimate inversion, the American man 1452 01:18:17,662 --> 01:18:22,661 Don't feel good, but don't feel bad 1453 01:18:23,661 --> 01:18:27,161 It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1454 01:18:32,661 --> 01:18:35,061 I ain't left, I ain't right 1455 01:18:35,161 --> 01:18:36,725 I feel so alone 1456 01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:40,860 Before I was born, I was all gone 1457 01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:44,560 Don't even make sense that I wrote this song 1458 01:18:44,660 --> 01:18:45,925 'Cause... 1459 01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:48,360 Tell me it's not true. 1460 01:18:48,460 --> 01:18:51,660 It's me, you see, I'm nuthin' 1461 01:18:53,159 --> 01:18:55,659 I'm nuthin' 1462 01:18:57,859 --> 01:18:59,759 Nuthin' 1463 01:19:00,859 --> 01:19:02,359 That's me 1464 01:19:04,559 --> 01:19:06,659 I'm nuthin' 1465 01:19:13,058 --> 01:19:18,158 Lainie, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. 1466 01:19:18,193 --> 01:19:19,458 Come on. 1467 01:19:23,657 --> 01:19:25,907 Thank you. We'll be right back... 1468 01:19:25,942 --> 01:19:28,157 with a new American cheese snack idea. 1469 01:19:30,157 --> 01:19:32,557 You got a phone call. 1470 01:19:35,657 --> 01:19:36,857 Lelaina. 1471 01:19:36,892 --> 01:19:37,957 - Hi. - Hi. 1472 01:19:38,057 --> 01:19:39,321 Don't say anything, all right? 1473 01:19:39,356 --> 01:19:41,621 Look, I screwed up, all right? I know. 1474 01:19:41,656 --> 01:19:44,156 I should have protected you and your work... 1475 01:19:44,191 --> 01:19:45,623 and I didn't, and I'm sorry. 1476 01:19:45,658 --> 01:19:47,056 I'm so sorry that I didn't. 1477 01:19:47,156 --> 01:19:49,256 And I want to make this up to you, OK? 1478 01:19:49,356 --> 01:19:51,156 You mean so much to me, Lelaina... 1479 01:19:51,256 --> 01:19:52,856 and I just... 1480 01:19:52,956 --> 01:19:54,905 Look, two tickets, all right, New York. 1481 01:19:54,940 --> 01:19:56,747 We go, and we give them a presentation... 1482 01:19:56,782 --> 01:19:58,555 of the show the way you want it done. 1483 01:19:58,590 --> 01:19:59,755 Michael, I don't... 1484 01:19:59,855 --> 01:20:01,655 I know. I know, but this time is different. 1485 01:20:01,755 --> 01:20:04,655 I mean, who's the boss, huh? Huh? Tony Danza? No. 1486 01:20:04,755 --> 01:20:06,255 I don't think so. It's you. 1487 01:20:06,355 --> 01:20:07,455 It's your show, and I just... 1488 01:20:10,154 --> 01:20:12,654 I just... you know, feel like maybe... 1489 01:20:12,754 --> 01:20:15,254 I deserve another shot here. 1490 01:20:20,254 --> 01:20:21,754 Well, hi, Lelaina. 1491 01:20:21,789 --> 01:20:23,219 Hi. 1492 01:20:23,254 --> 01:20:24,754 What, is there a frog in your throat... 1493 01:20:24,789 --> 01:20:26,253 or are you just glad to see me? 1494 01:20:26,353 --> 01:20:28,253 Hi, Mike. Thanks for coming down, man. 1495 01:20:28,288 --> 01:20:29,853 No hard feelings. 1496 01:20:37,653 --> 01:20:39,453 Lelaina, you're looking a little peaked. 1497 01:20:40,753 --> 01:20:42,017 Yeah. Are you OK? 1498 01:20:42,052 --> 01:20:43,717 She's fine. She's fine. 1499 01:20:43,752 --> 01:20:45,352 She's just had too many Diet Cokes today. 1500 01:20:45,452 --> 01:20:47,852 Yeah, this girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 1501 01:20:47,952 --> 01:20:49,252 Ha. 1502 01:20:50,952 --> 01:20:53,252 So, are you gonna tell him, or am I? 1503 01:21:04,751 --> 01:21:08,751 Could you excuse me? Could I talk to you? 1504 01:21:14,750 --> 01:21:16,050 Hi. 1505 01:21:19,550 --> 01:21:21,750 You want to tell me what the hell he's doing here? 1506 01:21:21,785 --> 01:21:23,850 I wanted to talk to you. 1507 01:21:23,950 --> 01:21:25,715 What the hell do you care? 1508 01:21:25,750 --> 01:21:27,750 You totally bailed on me this morning. 1509 01:21:27,785 --> 01:21:29,249 I panicked. It happens. 1510 01:21:29,349 --> 01:21:31,749 I thought we could work it out, you know. 1511 01:21:31,849 --> 01:21:35,549 I mean, I don't know if now is the right time for us. 1512 01:21:35,584 --> 01:21:39,249 Look, I meant everything that I said to you last night. 1513 01:21:39,349 --> 01:21:40,714 Don't look at me like that. 1514 01:21:40,749 --> 01:21:43,249 Don't look at me like that. That's not what I'm saying. 1515 01:21:43,284 --> 01:21:45,748 I'm not saying I... 1516 01:21:45,848 --> 01:21:48,413 Look, you are the only woman... 1517 01:21:48,448 --> 01:21:50,248 that I could ever commit myself to. 1518 01:21:50,348 --> 01:21:52,748 So what? Do I get a medal? 1519 01:21:52,848 --> 01:21:55,848 I win the big commitment cook-off, and you just run away? 1520 01:21:55,948 --> 01:21:58,748 I knew this was gonna happen! I knew this was gonna happen! 1521 01:21:58,848 --> 01:22:00,847 I don't want to lose you. 1522 01:22:00,947 --> 01:22:04,447 I've never been in an experience like this before. 1523 01:22:05,847 --> 01:22:09,547 I've never had sex with somebody that I loved before. 1524 01:22:10,947 --> 01:22:13,412 Oh, well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. 1525 01:22:13,447 --> 01:22:15,746 Welcome to the world of the emotionally immature. 1526 01:22:15,781 --> 01:22:17,911 It's a really nice place to visit. 1527 01:22:17,946 --> 01:22:20,211 Hey, you may run into Michael. He lives here. 1528 01:22:20,246 --> 01:22:22,346 Oh, yeah, right. Michael. Michael. He's so mature... 1529 01:22:22,381 --> 01:22:24,663 because he lets you navigate that entire relationship. 1530 01:22:24,698 --> 01:22:26,946 Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. 1531 01:22:26,981 --> 01:22:28,963 I might do mean things, and I might hurt you... 1532 01:22:28,998 --> 01:22:30,945 and I might run away without your permission... 1533 01:22:30,980 --> 01:22:32,410 and you might hate me forever. 1534 01:22:32,445 --> 01:22:34,595 And I know that that scares the shit out of you... 1535 01:22:34,630 --> 01:22:36,745 because I'm the only real thing that you have. 1536 01:22:38,445 --> 01:22:41,945 Yeah? Well, that ain't real much. 1537 01:22:41,980 --> 01:22:44,445 One, two, three, four. 1538 01:22:45,945 --> 01:22:47,644 Hey, Troy, man, you're on. 1539 01:22:57,444 --> 01:22:58,809 Michael, I'm sorry... 1540 01:22:58,844 --> 01:23:00,744 Listen, I'm sorry, all right? That's what this is all about. 1541 01:23:01,943 --> 01:23:03,343 This one's for you, Lainie. 1542 01:23:17,942 --> 01:23:19,942 Why can't I get just one kiss? 1543 01:23:20,042 --> 01:23:22,007 Why can't I get just one kiss? 1544 01:23:22,042 --> 01:23:24,142 You told me there'd be some things that I wouldn't miss 1545 01:23:24,177 --> 01:23:25,642 But I looked at your pants 1546 01:23:25,677 --> 01:23:26,842 And I need a kiss 1547 01:23:26,942 --> 01:23:30,842 Why can't I get just one screw? 1548 01:23:31,042 --> 01:23:33,406 Believe me, I'd know what to do 1549 01:23:33,441 --> 01:23:35,341 But something won't let me make love to you 1550 01:23:35,376 --> 01:23:37,941 Why can't I get just one ah? 1551 01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:40,141 Why can't I get just one ah? 1552 01:23:54,540 --> 01:23:56,540 Oh, nice job. Very well done. Really good. 1553 01:23:56,575 --> 01:23:59,005 I don't want to hear it from you. 1554 01:23:59,040 --> 01:24:02,040 Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not qualified to talk to you. 1555 01:24:02,075 --> 01:24:03,905 I'm sorry I can't be Mister... 1556 01:24:03,940 --> 01:24:06,539 Hey, look at me. I'm Buddha on the mountaintop. 1557 01:24:06,639 --> 01:24:09,039 You know what you are, man? You what what you remind me of? 1558 01:24:09,074 --> 01:24:12,004 You're like that guy, you know, with the... 1559 01:24:12,039 --> 01:24:14,539 with the hat and the bells and the little, you know... 1560 01:24:14,574 --> 01:24:15,839 The court jester. 1561 01:24:15,939 --> 01:24:18,039 Yeah, right. Where everything's so easy to laugh at... 1562 01:24:18,074 --> 01:24:21,038 from a safe distance back in Clever-Clever Land. 1563 01:24:21,073 --> 01:24:23,703 You know what happens to him? 1564 01:24:23,738 --> 01:24:26,038 They find his skull in a grave, and they go... 1565 01:24:26,073 --> 01:24:29,338 "Oh, I knew him, and he was funny. " 1566 01:24:29,438 --> 01:24:33,538 And the guy, the court jester, dies all by himself. 1567 01:24:35,038 --> 01:24:37,237 Where'd you hear that, a Renaissance festival? 1568 01:24:42,537 --> 01:24:45,237 Besides, everyone dies all by himself. 1569 01:24:53,136 --> 01:24:55,036 If you really believe that... 1570 01:24:56,636 --> 01:24:59,336 Who are you looking for out here? 1571 01:25:18,935 --> 01:25:24,834 You say you want 1572 01:25:24,934 --> 01:25:29,734 Diamonds on a ring of gold 1573 01:25:29,769 --> 01:25:34,899 You say you want 1574 01:25:34,934 --> 01:25:39,983 Your story to remain untold 1575 01:25:40,018 --> 01:25:45,033 But all the promises we make 1576 01:25:45,133 --> 01:25:50,433 From the cradle to the grave 1577 01:25:50,468 --> 01:25:58,432 When all I want is you 1578 01:26:05,832 --> 01:26:11,396 You say you'll give me 1579 01:26:11,431 --> 01:26:16,281 A highway with no one on it 1580 01:26:16,316 --> 01:26:21,273 Treasure just to look upon it 1581 01:26:21,308 --> 01:26:26,230 All the riches in the night 1582 01:26:26,265 --> 01:26:32,230 You say you'll give me 1583 01:26:32,430 --> 01:26:37,330 Eyes in a moon of blindness 1584 01:26:37,365 --> 01:26:41,746 A river in a time of dryness 1585 01:26:41,781 --> 01:26:46,129 A harbour in the tempest 1586 01:26:46,229 --> 01:26:52,029 But all the promises we make 1587 01:26:52,129 --> 01:26:57,728 From the cradle to the grave 1588 01:26:57,763 --> 01:27:04,628 When all I want is you 1589 01:27:31,426 --> 01:27:32,526 Hello. 1590 01:27:34,126 --> 01:27:35,591 Hello? 1591 01:27:35,626 --> 01:27:48,392 All I want is you 1592 01:27:48,427 --> 01:27:53,625 All I want is you... 1593 01:28:16,823 --> 01:28:19,723 - Hey, Lainie. This is Lance. - Hi. 1594 01:28:19,823 --> 01:28:23,723 Um... I just need to know if he's OK. 1595 01:28:23,823 --> 01:28:25,323 Huh? 1596 01:28:26,823 --> 01:28:30,722 OK. All I know is he went back to Chicago... 1597 01:28:30,822 --> 01:28:32,322 alone. 1598 01:28:34,822 --> 01:28:37,822 I'm not supposed to know that, am I? 1599 01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:03,820 Shit. 1600 01:29:24,019 --> 01:29:25,819 Shit. 1601 01:29:33,818 --> 01:29:35,518 Hi. 1602 01:29:35,718 --> 01:29:38,818 I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute... 1603 01:29:38,853 --> 01:29:40,318 before you go. 1604 01:29:45,318 --> 01:29:49,917 See, the thing is that, um... 1605 01:29:53,417 --> 01:29:55,382 Well... 1606 01:29:55,417 --> 01:29:57,382 my dad died. 1607 01:29:57,417 --> 01:29:59,217 Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1608 01:29:59,417 --> 01:30:01,117 No. It... 1609 01:30:02,617 --> 01:30:05,881 What happened was that, um... 1610 01:30:05,916 --> 01:30:11,916 I kind of got this arcane glimpse at the universe. 1611 01:30:12,016 --> 01:30:16,416 And the best thing that I can say about that is... 1612 01:30:23,015 --> 01:30:25,015 I don't know. I... 1613 01:30:29,515 --> 01:30:34,015 I have this... this planet of regret... 1614 01:30:34,050 --> 01:30:36,014 sitting on my shoulders. 1615 01:30:38,014 --> 01:30:43,014 And you have no idea how much I wish that I could go back... 1616 01:30:43,049 --> 01:30:45,814 to that morning after we made love... 1617 01:30:45,849 --> 01:30:48,614 and do everything different. 1618 01:30:50,014 --> 01:30:53,213 But I know that I can't, so... 1619 01:30:54,513 --> 01:30:58,013 I thought that I would come here and tell you something. 1620 01:30:59,513 --> 01:31:02,513 And what I wanted to tell you... 1621 01:31:02,548 --> 01:31:04,478 was that I love you... 1622 01:31:04,513 --> 01:31:08,612 and, uh... just wanted to make sure that that was clear... 1623 01:31:08,647 --> 01:31:11,112 so that there wasn't any confusion. 1624 01:31:17,012 --> 01:31:18,512 Um... 1625 01:31:19,512 --> 01:31:22,511 So, anyway, uh... 1626 01:31:24,011 --> 01:31:25,676 Where are you going? 1627 01:31:25,711 --> 01:31:29,111 I was going to look for you. 1628 01:31:30,611 --> 01:31:32,111 What for? 1629 01:31:35,611 --> 01:31:40,710 Just... wanted to see if you were OK. 1630 01:31:47,210 --> 01:31:50,510 Well, I had a shitty week, you know. 1631 01:32:28,907 --> 01:32:31,807 A froggy went a- courting, and he did ride 1632 01:32:31,907 --> 01:32:36,207 With a sword and a pistol by his side 1633 01:32:36,242 --> 01:32:41,206 Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm 1634 01:32:42,706 --> 01:32:45,706 Well, he rode right up to Miss Mousie's door... 1635 01:32:48,706 --> 01:32:50,171 At the beep... 1636 01:32:50,206 --> 01:32:52,206 please leave your name, number, and a brief justification... 1637 01:32:52,241 --> 01:32:53,671 for the ontological necessity... 1638 01:32:53,706 --> 01:32:55,705 of modern man's existential dilemma... 1639 01:32:55,740 --> 01:32:58,170 and we'll get back to you. 1640 01:32:58,205 --> 01:33:00,005 Uh, Lelaina, this is your dad. 1641 01:33:00,105 --> 01:33:01,955 Give me a call when you get this. 1642 01:33:01,990 --> 01:33:03,770 I need you to explain something. 1643 01:33:03,805 --> 01:33:06,705 I just got a nine-hundred-dollar bill on my gas card. 1644 01:33:09,205 --> 01:33:15,604 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 1645 01:33:15,704 --> 01:33:19,304 I hear you call, I will run 1646 01:33:20,904 --> 01:33:26,304 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 1647 01:33:26,404 --> 01:33:30,303 We won't cry, because it could be fun 1648 01:33:30,403 --> 01:33:32,303 What I'm trying to do is constantly find those people... 1649 01:33:32,403 --> 01:33:35,203 find out what makes them the best and bring that... 1650 01:33:35,403 --> 01:33:36,703 Tired of getting razzes for being bald? 1651 01:33:36,903 --> 01:33:38,203 I'm only a young man. 1652 01:33:38,403 --> 01:33:40,403 No more dates where I've been called old man. 1653 01:33:45,402 --> 01:33:48,002 Roy, why are you doing this to me? 1654 01:33:48,102 --> 01:33:49,567 I know we can be happy together. 1655 01:33:49,602 --> 01:33:52,452 You'll chill in time. Right now, I need someone... 1656 01:33:52,487 --> 01:33:55,302 who understands what my music and the band mean to me. 1657 01:33:55,337 --> 01:33:57,502 But it's just music, Roy. 1658 01:33:57,602 --> 01:34:00,401 I'm a human being with deep feelings... 1659 01:34:00,436 --> 01:34:03,501 who feels things deeply. 1660 01:34:03,601 --> 01:34:05,866 Music is feeling, babe. 1661 01:34:05,901 --> 01:34:08,401 The band may be a small dream, but it's the only one I've got. 1662 01:34:08,436 --> 01:34:10,401 I'm Audi 5000. 1663 01:34:13,201 --> 01:34:15,900 Please don't let him get drunk and drive. 1664 01:34:15,935 --> 01:34:18,767 Won't be very long 1665 01:34:18,802 --> 01:34:21,600 Till I'm going, going, gone 1666 01:34:34,899 --> 01:34:36,899 You say 1667 01:34:37,899 --> 01:34:40,899 I only hear what I want to 1668 01:34:46,598 --> 01:34:48,898 You say 1669 01:34:50,098 --> 01:34:52,898 I talk so all the time 1670 01:34:52,998 --> 01:34:54,398 So? 1671 01:34:58,398 --> 01:35:01,297 And I thought what I felt was simple 1672 01:35:01,332 --> 01:35:04,197 And I thought that I don't belong 1673 01:35:04,232 --> 01:35:07,162 And now that I am leaving 1674 01:35:07,197 --> 01:35:09,497 Now I know that I did something wrong 1675 01:35:09,597 --> 01:35:11,197 'Cause I missed you 1676 01:35:13,397 --> 01:35:17,596 Yeah, yeah, I missed you 1677 01:35:22,596 --> 01:35:24,696 And you say 1678 01:35:26,096 --> 01:35:28,061 I only hear what I want to 1679 01:35:28,096 --> 01:35:30,596 I don't listen hard, I don't pay attention 1680 01:35:30,631 --> 01:35:32,195 To the distance that you're running 1681 01:35:32,295 --> 01:35:33,860 Or to anyone, anywhere 1682 01:35:33,895 --> 01:35:36,695 I don't understand if you really care 1683 01:35:36,795 --> 01:35:40,595 I'm only hearing negative, no, no, no, no 1684 01:35:40,630 --> 01:35:42,560 No... 1685 01:35:42,595 --> 01:35:46,095 So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up 1686 01:35:46,130 --> 01:35:48,559 And this woman was singing my song 1687 01:35:48,594 --> 01:35:51,844 The lover's in love, and the other's run away 1688 01:35:51,879 --> 01:35:54,536 The lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay 1689 01:35:54,571 --> 01:35:57,194 Some of us hover when we weep for the other 1690 01:35:57,294 --> 01:36:00,294 Who was dying since the day they were born, well 1691 01:36:00,329 --> 01:36:03,293 Well, this is not that, I think that I'm throwing 1692 01:36:03,328 --> 01:36:06,558 But I'm thrown 1693 01:36:06,593 --> 01:36:09,093 And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure 1694 01:36:09,128 --> 01:36:11,093 You try to tell me that I'm clever 1695 01:36:11,128 --> 01:36:13,293 But that won't take me anyhow 1696 01:36:13,328 --> 01:36:17,093 Or anywhere with you 1697 01:36:19,092 --> 01:36:22,092 You said that I was naive and 1698 01:36:22,127 --> 01:36:25,057 I thought that I was strong, no 1699 01:36:25,092 --> 01:36:28,092 I thought, hey, I can leave, I can leave, though 1700 01:36:28,192 --> 01:36:30,092 But now I know that I was wrong 1701 01:36:30,192 --> 01:36:32,092 Because I missed you 1702 01:36:34,292 --> 01:36:38,791 Yeah, I missed you