1
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,116
What was going on there, huh?
2
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,151
We thought
you were sleeping, Daddy.
3
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,477
How can I sleep with two
Twinkie burglars roaming around?
4
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,477
Can we watch
Dragon Tales, please?
5
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,148
Yeah. Why not, why not?
6
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,557
Which one of these
turns on the TV?
7
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,798
Honey, I think you
just opened the garage.
8
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,718
I'm just planning ahead. I know.
9
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:13,398
- P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug?
- Good job.
10
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,272
Whatever happened
to the good old days...
11
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,040
...when you pulled the knob
and on came the boob tube?
12
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,754
The O'Doyles got
a universal remote control.
13
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,951
One clicker controls everything.
14
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,993
Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you.
15
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,916
Well, whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles.
16
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,075
- Tree house?
17
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,430
I don't know. Ask your father.
18
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,868
Ask me what?
19
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,629
Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
20
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,628
Yeah, Dad. It's kind of been
halfway done for two months now.
21
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:46,836
All right. I want to, it's just I got a lot
of things going on at work right now.
22
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:51,158
But as soon as I'm done, I'm on it.
I promise. Hang in there.
23
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,590
Hey, look at Sundance
wrestle his duck.
24
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,231
Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
25
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,069
That's something you shouldn't
know about for another 10 to 30 years.
26
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,396
Ten for you. Thirty for you.
27
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,830
Hey, Michael? I'll see you tonight
at the swim meet?
28
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,553
Swim meet.
29
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,795
- I gotta go to that?
- Yes.
30
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,959
- I'm kidding you. I'll be there. Okay?
- All right. I love you, Michael.
31
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,196
Forever and ever, babe.
32
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,074
Mr. Newman.
33
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,191
Kevin O'Doyle.
Yeah. Always a pleasure.
34
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,517
What kind of stereo you got
in that blue piece of shit?
35
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,790
You know what?
I never checked, Kevin.
36
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,309
Yeah, well, my father's stereo
is a Bose.
37
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,193
Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
38
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,756
No! I said... That's not what I said!
39
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,032
His father's stereo blows!
40
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,714
Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
41
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,796
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Good morning.
42
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,353
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hello.
43
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,551
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hi.
44
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,278
Good morning, Mr. Newman.
45
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,072
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Man, Alice...
46
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,352
...I was stuck in traffic for an hour
and a half. When's the meeting?
47
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,556
- It started already.
- What?
48
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,508
Can I go to the bathroom?
49
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:17,188
Go to the bathroom.
I told you, you don't have to ask me.
50
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,071
Well, the interesting thing,
Prince Habeeboo...
51
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,999
...is that the building codes
in Manhattan will allow us...
52
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,111
- Michael.
- Sorry I'm late, sir.
53
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,312
Some moron in a red Lamborghini
parked in my spot so...
54
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,557
Prince Habeeboo
drive red Lamborghini.
55
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,073
Red Lamborghini?
I meant blue Ferrari.
56
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,910
Is this one of your partners?
57
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,031
Actually, Michael
is just an associate.
58
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,435
But he is one of our brightest
young architects.
59
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,595
Thank you.
60
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,711
Walk His Majesty
through our design concept.
61
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,558
With pleasure.
62
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,754
- Prince Haboobee...
- Habeeboo!
63
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,311
Prince Habeeboo.
64
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,909
Habeeboo. I thought I said that.
65
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,680
When Mr. Ammer explained to me
the type of man you are...
66
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,555
...a visionary who prides himself
on originality...
67
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:13,356
...I said to myself, " Let's smash
the mould and redefine elegance."
68
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,710
So I present to you your restaurant.
69
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,353
Where is...? Where's bar?
70
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,075
Bar is... Here's the bar.
Now, the waterfall...
71
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,269
Make bar longer.
72
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,229
Okay. We could cut
into the atrium a little bit.
73
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:31,752
No atrium. Just make bar longer
for Prince Habeeboo.
74
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:32,915
Really?
75
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,036
- Still itchy?
- You got it.
76
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,397
And put big drain in floor
for wet T-shirt contest.
77
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,079
Now, you're kidding me, right?
78
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,236
Boob water's gotta
go someplace, Michael.
79
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,637
Let's just take out the atrium and
run with that and there's your drain.
80
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,196
- God.
- I love it. It is simply awesome.
81
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:57,515
Yeah. Basically you want me to design
you an Arabian hoochie house?
82
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,075
How dare you compare
Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
83
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,111
...to this hoochie house?
- This idea's...
84
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,595
...got nothing to do
with hoochies, Michael.
85
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,199
It's like opposite of hoochie.
86
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,118
No disrespect,
Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
87
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,992
- Hubba Bubba.
- Habeeboo!
88
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,158
Habeeboo!
Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
89
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,713
Prince Habeeboo's
not chewing gum.
90
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,311
Prince Habeeboo, we will...
I will make this happen.
91
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:21,955
John Ammer's office.
92
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,958
I hope that atrium idea didn't take
too long to configure, Michael.
93
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,799
Oh, there'll be other Junes
in my life, sir.
94
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,391
See that parking garage
over there on 56?
95
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,753
Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
96
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,439
- You got the commission?
- Not yet.
97
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:43,475
I just need someone to come up
with a design proposal. Intrigued?
98
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:46,469
Hell, yes.
99
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:49,672
I'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids.
When I get back, I'm all over it.
100
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:54,032
Great. Have a great Fourth of July
with the kids. I'll put Swardson on it.
101
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,869
No, no. Absolutely not.
L... l... Can't it just wait three days?
102
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,753
These guys are Japanese.
They can't wait for their fish to cook.
103
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,310
I guess I could talk to my wife.
104
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,080
Great. See you later at happy hour
with Prince Habadabee.
105
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,395
My son has a swim meet tonight
that I have to get to s...
106
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,272
I'm just messing with you.
We're good.
107
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,635
Yeah, Ben!
108
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:33,991
That's my boy! That's my boy!
Kid, you were great!
109
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,879
You're not my dad.
110
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,314
- As far as you know.
- What?
111
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,437
I was just joking.
112
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,552
Is he really my dad?
113
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,957
Come on, come on! Yes, Ben.
Yes, you did it!
114
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,309
Honey, you were so great.
115
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,830
Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin
or something? That was incredible.
116
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,712
You just got here, Dad. I saw you.
117
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,155
What do you mean I just got here?
Why are you saying that?
118
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,237
I saw you. You jumped in there,
you swam here.
119
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,910
- Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
- He was doing the shut-up.
120
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,551
Hey. Good thing is,
Daddy was here to see you finish.
121
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:10,749
He didn't see me finish.
122
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,076
He was hanging out
with Ping Woo for some reason.
123
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,635
- Yeah, what was that about, huh?
- The kid was drowning.
124
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:16,909
I'm gonna let him drown?
125
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,318
Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
126
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,954
How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
127
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,720
Michael Speedo...
Michael Newman. Sorry.
128
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,760
Big Ben, that was great progress
out there, huh?
129
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,679
Just remember, right arm out,
head turns left. Left arm out...
130
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,394
Head turns right. I know.
I just forgot at the end.
131
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,555
Well, that's all right.
132
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,911
You master that, people are gonna
think you're half a dolphin out there.
133
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,111
- Really?
- Yeah.
134
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,279
Cute.
135
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,990
Hello? Mr. Ammer.
136
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,439
Ben, honey, slow down.
It's not a race.
137
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,232
That's his second one
in five minutes.
138
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,078
Keeps eating more and more.
139
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,033
He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
140
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,596
He's not. He's just doing whatever
Michael's doing. It's driving me crazy.
141
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,315
Everything Michael's been doing lately
is very unhealthy for him.
142
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,795
He's gonna kill himself.
143
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,988
Like a signature building
we're talking about.
144
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,553
Oh, my God.
145
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,799
Scared the crap out of me.
146
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,675
Dad, how much longer
are you gonna live?
147
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,108
- One minute.
- One minute?
148
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,311
- Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
- Oh, no, honey.
149
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:29,839
Don't worry. I'm not dying.
150
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,715
I'm gonna live for 200 years.
Is that long enough for you and me?
151
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,875
- Promise?
- I promise. Swear. Come here.
152
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,718
You son of a bitch!
153
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,559
Hey! There are families here!
154
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,990
Show some respect,
you pieces of shit!
155
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,359
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
156
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,279
Don't light another damn one!
157
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,954
Benjamin. Benjamin.
What am I holding?
158
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,833
A quarter. Now, Grandma
does not let me eat ice cream...
159
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,553
...because of my diabetes.
- True.
160
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,275
But she says nothing, however,
about a tasty quarter.
161
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:05,874
Okay.
162
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,558
All right. All right.
163
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,309
Very quickly, please, count to three
because it tastes terrible.
164
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,717
One, two, three.
165
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,838
Are you shitting me?
166
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,679
First he's eating like his father,
now you're talking like him?
167
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,155
- Ben.
- Don't you ever say that again.
168
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,557
- Sorry, Grandma.
- How do you do that, Grandpa?
169
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,480
A good magician
never reveals his secrets.
170
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,194
Your daddy has wanted to know
how I've done that trick...
171
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,469
...since he was your age.
172
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,999
Isn't that true, son?
173
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,430
Hey, Michael.
Michael, who are you talking to?
174
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,518
Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
175
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,278
Oh, yeah?
Well, tell him to get a life.
176
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,630
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
177
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,114
My mother says hello.
178
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,436
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
179
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,837
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
180
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:59,160
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you,
Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
181
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,669
- Are you done? Can we relax now?
- Sorry.
182
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,549
Eat me, grandpa!
183
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:06,989
You're dead.
184
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,797
- Oh, shit!
- Yeah, you better run!
185
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,718
I kicked your father's ass
in high school!
186
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,194
Now I'm gonna kick yours!
187
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,994
I hate that man.
188
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,316
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
189
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,909
- Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
- No, back to bed.
190
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,556
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
I'm out of here.
191
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,510
You getting sick, sheriff?
192
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,916
I don't got time to be sick, so no.
193
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,873
I need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
194
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,674
Well, you gotta get some rest
sometime, sweetheart.
195
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,075
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
196
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,748
...if you collapse trying
to put up the tent this weekend.
197
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,190
Yeah. I forgot to tell you.
198
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,631
We gotta postpone
the camping trip.
199
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,072
Ammer put me on a project.
200
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,589
It's due Tuesday. If I don't finish,
I'm off it, so...
201
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,870
The kids have been talking
about camping all year.
202
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,115
Think I don't know that?
203
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,470
It's just every choice I make,
everything I do...
204
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,477
...I disappoint somebody.
205
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,194
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
206
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,789
I'm not out drinking or gambling
or hitting on chicks.
207
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,639
I'm working my ass off
so my family can have a better life...
208
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,558
...than I dreamed of
when I was a kid.
209
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,516
The only way for that to happen
is for me to watch this stinking show!
210
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,472
So relax, hon.
211
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,279
Are you kidding me?
212
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,392
Will you give me a break one time?
213
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,276
Damn it! The O'Doyles got
a stinking universal remote control.
214
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,232
We're gonna have one too.
215
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,112
I'm sick of this.
216
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,875
You want me to open
the garage for you?
217
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:55,275
Closed.
218
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:58,835
Closed.
219
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,515
Open.
220
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,950
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
221
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,678
Hey, man?
222
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,678
You guys got any universal
remote controls in there?
223
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,599
- For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
- For a television.
224
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,635
I don't think so.
Maybe for a blanket?
225
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,353
You got a remote for a blanket?
226
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,389
Sorry, I don't work here.
I'm waiting for my friends.
227
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:25,874
You're kidding me.
228
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,992
Actually, yes. I don't have any friends.
Will you be my friend?
229
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,518
Wow, man.
230
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,039
Bed. Bed.
231
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,879
Bath. Bath.
232
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,718
Bed.
233
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,360
So tired of my life.
234
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:55,955
Beyond?
235
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,238
Sorry to sneak up on you. I just...
236
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,635
You guys got a universal
remote control back here?
237
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,071
Something stinks
like stale french fries.
238
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,277
All right, that's probably me.
239
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,153
You know, fast food
shortens your life.
240
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,509
Yeah, that's what I heard.
241
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,757
But the way my life's been going
lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
242
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,030
You're looking
for a universal remote control?
243
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,549
Yeah. Just one device
to do it all for me...
244
00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,719
...make my life a little easier,
quicker, not so damn complicated.
245
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:04,196
I'm not supposed to do this,
but you seem like a good guy.
246
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,958
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
247
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,116
I'm gonna show you a remote
we just got in...
248
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,788
...that's probably the most advanced
piece of technology...
249
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,035
...we have in this place.
250
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,994
- Sounds sweet.
- It is sweet.
251
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,637
The latest, greatest universal remote
not even on the market yet.
252
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:24,391
I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite
my advanced-technological ass then.
253
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,989
I don't know the O'Doyles...
254
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,718
...but they can bite it hard.
255
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,239
Yeah.
256
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,759
Come in the back with me.
257
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,713
Okay.
258
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,796
This is... This is very nice of you.
259
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,993
- What's your name, anyways?
- Call me Morty.
260
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,428
Morty, I'm Michael Newman.
261
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,796
Michael Newman.
262
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,391
I'm about to rock your world.
263
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:49,949
Okay.
264
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,549
I gotta be honest with you. This place
looks bigger from the outside.
265
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,432
Just kidding.
266
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,119
Hey, hey.
267
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,158
I think maybe there in the middle?
268
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,637
Sneaky.
269
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,836
Where's the box?
Does it come with directions?
270
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,519
Not necessary.
271
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,110
Just point, click.
272
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,356
Eventually, it will program itself.
273
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,115
How much is this thing?
274
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,675
Because I ain't exactly
Thurston Howell, you know?
275
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,031
Lucky for you, it's not
in the bar-code system yet.
276
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,391
So I'm gonna have
to just give it to you.
277
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,909
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
278
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,396
Want me to take my shirt off for you?
Because I don't play for that team.
279
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,194
Hey. Man, get out of here.
280
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,274
Why are you doing this, then?
281
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,029
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
282
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,149
Take it.
283
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:27,875
Enjoy.
284
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:31,869
All right.
285
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,275
Only one thing
you need to know, Michael.
286
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,040
This item is nonreturnable.
287
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,596
Why would I wanna return something
I got for free?
288
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,873
Twinkie. You don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
289
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,231
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
290
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,154
Let's see what you got, mate.
291
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:21,398
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
I'm a freaking whiz kid.
292
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,277
- Residential architecture...
293
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,277
- So I talked to the kids.
- Oh, yeah?
294
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,199
They're very understanding about
not going camping this weekend.
295
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,039
- Great.
- They could have a sleepover instead.
296
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,390
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
297
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,114
Thanks for being
so cool about this too.
298
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,629
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
299
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,628
After you do all this work and become
a big player at your company...
300
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,035
...do you think you're gonna
have more time for us...
301
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,674
...or are things just gonna get
even more out of control?
302
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,633
Wait. When I get to that place
and become a boss...
303
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,354
...a millionaire, a big shot,
the first thing I'm gonna do...
304
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,120
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me
to do all my work.
305
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,392
So then you, me and the kids
can do whatever the hell we want.
306
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,431
You just gotta give me some time.
307
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,472
Don't give me that look.
308
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,877
I'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
309
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,230
I love you. Go to sleep.
310
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,352
- Just think about it, Michael.
- Absolutely.
311
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:16,709
And stop with the Yodels.
312
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,990
- You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
- Okay.
313
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,635
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude.
Everybody's sleeping.
314
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,035
You gotta poop again?
315
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,234
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy
on the duck, okay?
316
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:47,355
Will you just hold it in for five minutes
and keep the freaking volume down?
317
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,235
I guess when you combine...
318
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,716
...mass quantities of cough syrup
with Yodels...
319
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,990
...you get acid.
320
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:23,954
Go.
321
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,795
Hey, you said you gotta go.
Go already, man.
322
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,872
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
323
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,238
Holy motherfu...!
324
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,396
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
In the short run...
325
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,955
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
326
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,390
But six months later...
327
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,192
...l'm gonna have a face
and a body...
328
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,675
...that's gonna get me to places
where I wanna be.
329
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,638
Oh, my mother, typical,
you know, she says:
330
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,832
"Oh, this procedure is too risky."
331
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,271
If Samantha wanted her cheekbones
shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.
332
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,472
I know, but I just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
333
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,238
You should get some work done.
334
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,716
Then maybe Michael
will wanna hang out with you too.
335
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,790
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
336
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,912
Morning, Janine,
you're looking very Slavic.
337
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,955
You're just jealous because Donna
and I are going to the gym...
338
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,196
...and all the guys
are gonna be hitting on us.
339
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,279
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
340
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:10,674
Forever and ever, babe.
341
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,591
Sorry about last night.
And I love you. I'm s...
342
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,155
Oh, my God. I want that so bad.
343
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:22,036
A husband that I can kiss and love
and give juice to.
344
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,869
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
345
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,753
I think you've given enough juice
to everybody.
346
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,798
Love juice.
347
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,589
You know way too much about me.
348
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,553
I should never have done
that Montel Williams show.
349
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,557
Even Montel Williams
thinks you're crazy...
350
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,034
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
351
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,114
I was desperate for companionship!
352
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:45,958
All of my husbands...
353
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,515
All of them
have emotionally abandoned me.
354
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,315
They went to work. You had sex
with their unemployed brothers.
355
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,397
- You're a horndog.
- Michael.
356
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,636
- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
- No, no!
357
00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,116
I have had self-esteem issues
since I was a kid.
358
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,108
I had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
359
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,834
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb...
360
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:13,709
Don't look at me!
361
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,197
- What's wrong with me?
- Bunny rabbit, bunny...
362
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,556
Here's the pitch to Matsui.
A deep drive.
363
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,910
Oh, my, it's out of here!
364
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:29,830
A two-run shot into the right-field
seats for Hideki Matsui.
365
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,119
I'm sorry. What was that?
366
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,834
She has so many problems.
Why do you have to be so mean?
367
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,954
I don't know, l... Hello.
368
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,272
I gotta go.
369
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,196
Yeah, good RoboDog.
370
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,755
And he can bark
in over six different languages.
371
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,598
It's so cool.
372
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,439
Yeah, it's much cooler
than your stupid, human dog.
373
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,359
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's
new robot dog?
374
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,232
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
375
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,876
"Very nice"? This thing
is worth more than your car.
376
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,837
- Not anymore it ain't.
- RoboDog!
377
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,351
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,712
Okay. Is this some sort
of reality show? Are you the host?
379
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,229
Morty? Where are the cameras?
380
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:28,991
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
381
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:34,119
All right, America! Have your laugh!
I'm an idiot!
382
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,671
Donna, I'm gonna get you!
383
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,472
Fast-forward.
384
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,838
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
385
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:47,239
You wanted a universal remote control
that remote-controls your universe.
386
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,551
Yeah, but what controls
my dance skills?
387
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:00,235
Oh, Morty likes it too.
388
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,197
Michael, just hit menu.
389
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,109
On the remote?
390
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,835
No, the menu at the Red Lobster.
Yes, on the remote.
391
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:16,714
Where are we?
392
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,155
- Go, Michael, go!
- One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:26,193
- What have I got here?
- Two, three.
394
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,789
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
395
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,037
- We have a boy!
- Is it gonna work?
396
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,309
What is this?
397
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,988
- All right, I love you, Michael.
- Your life menu.
398
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:38,678
My life has a commentary?
399
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,075
It's chock-full of goodies.
400
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,919
- Click it.
- Click it.
401
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,635
This is last Tuesday.
402
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,674
Michael was eagerly awaiting
the arrival of his lunch order.
403
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,393
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
404
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,955
James Earl
does a lot of voice-over work.
405
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,390
But his anticipation
quickly turned to dismay...
406
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,068
... as he realized Alice
had brought him a cheeseburger...
407
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,032
... instead of a hamburger
as he requested.
408
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,196
A cheeseburger?
I said a hamburger.
409
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:06,515
She always does this to me.
410
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,473
Michael considered demanding
that Alice scrape the cheese off...
411
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,353
... but decided not to,
fearing that Alice may spit in...
412
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,950
... or otherwise defile
the burger in some manner.
413
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,718
A wise decision...
414
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,833
... for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
415
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,316
- Are you kidding me?
- Sneaky.
416
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,636
My God.
417
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,151
What else we got here?
418
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,035
- "Making of"?
- Just click.
419
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,873
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
420
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:44,271
Is this a porno or something?
421
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,710
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
422
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,114
Is that my parents?
423
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,595
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
424
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,394
- That's the spot.
- Smack my heinie!
425
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,672
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
426
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,273
I can't see.
427
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,392
What happened? What...?
428
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,832
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
429
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,032
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
430
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,708
I believe we're sometime
after your conception.
431
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,150
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
432
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,318
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
433
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,080
Again. And push.
434
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,999
- It's a girl.
- It's a girl!
435
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,078
- Oh, it's a girl. Thank you so much.
- Thank you for that.
436
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,635
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry, it might be a boy.
437
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,637
What do you mean, "might be"?
What is that?
438
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:32,989
Maybe that's a penis.
439
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,634
Maybe that's a pe...? That's a penis.
That's my penis.
440
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,798
Can I see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
441
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:39,955
See?
442
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,356
- That's a tiny schmeckel.
- Yeah?
443
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,959
- We have a boy!
- We have a boy!
444
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:48,233
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
445
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,238
...because I didn't see anything.
446
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:52,589
Let's get out of here.
447
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,637
So if you think about it...
448
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,230
...I can reexperience
any part of my life I want to.
449
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:01,873
It's amazing.
450
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,237
What happened?
Oh, God, what did I do?
451
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,431
Hello? How do I get you
back here, pal?
452
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,591
Gotcha.
453
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,358
I'm not freaked out enough?
454
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,312
It's simple. Think of a time
and a place...
455
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,954
...hit rewind, and you're there.
456
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,429
Time and a place. Time and a place.
457
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,952
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
458
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,550
That's me in the Jets shirt.
459
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,352
Go, little me, go!
460
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,477
Good hands! Nice hands.
461
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:40,874
Michael!
462
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,478
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
Invite your friends if you want to.
463
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,356
So any of you wanna come
by my tent for some supper?
464
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,358
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
465
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,513
Three's Company.
466
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,235
That's humiliating.
467
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,828
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
468
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:06,792
Oh, come on.
You call that camping?
469
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,468
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
470
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:13,036
Plus, it's more fun to have
to keep each other warm at night.
471
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,073
Don't you know it.
472
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,479
- No cupcakes yet.
- But I'm starving.
473
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,830
I agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry I am?
474
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,918
I am so hungry, I could eat this.
475
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,475
Oh, this is where
the quarter trick started.
476
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,273
How the heck did he do that?
477
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,517
Oh, it's a trick coin
you buy at a magic shop.
478
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,631
I just couldn't let him know
I knew that.
479
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,239
That's sweet.
480
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,273
Now, I gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
481
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,436
It's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
482
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,993
Okay.
483
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:07,435
Who are you?
484
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,633
You know who I am.
485
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,709
Morty?
486
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,309
If you have any questions...
487
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:16,438
...call me.
488
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:29,150
No, Linda, I think Stacy gets
the most-beautiful-feet award.
489
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:30,839
You wanted to see me?
490
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,952
Michael. Look, I'm heading out to
the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
491
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:35,229
I'm counting on you.
492
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,396
This hotel project? It's a big fish.
493
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,309
You reel it in for me
and it's "Howdy, partner."
494
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:45,993
Okay. Thank you.
495
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,749
Screw it up, though, and it's
"Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."
496
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,508
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
497
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,917
She's gotta go to rehab again,
so she can't mak e it to the Hamptons.
498
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,270
I'm gonna be alone
on the Fourth of July?
499
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,234
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
500
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,829
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
501
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,392
Really? What's she like?
502
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:14,631
Let's just say
she will eat you up, sir.
503
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:18,193
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...
504
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,436
...but this is kind of important.
- Okay.
505
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,231
- Go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
506
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,878
Dude! You suck so bad.
507
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,071
Do not. Hey, Dad.
508
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:41,952
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
509
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,835
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
510
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:47,712
Darn it.
511
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,236
You're a regular Derek Jeter
yourself, O'Doyle.
512
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,989
- Love you, kid.
- Love you too, Dad.
513
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,154
Mommy!
514
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,480
No, I know. Well, I thought
she should've gotten voted off.
515
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,989
But did you see her Kate Spade
handbag? It was gorgeous.
516
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,714
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
I gotta say hi to your son.
517
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,799
- I told your parents to come for dinner.
- Really? That sounds good.
518
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,275
It'd be fun for them to be here
for the sleepover.
519
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,638
Okay, so great. Yeah.
520
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,149
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
521
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,352
It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner
with your family, sweetie.
522
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,279
I know, I just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
523
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,870
- I'm the leader!
- No, I'm the leader!
524
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,591
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
525
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,875
I can't take a whole night of this.
526
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,197
- And I'm not going to.
- Q, R, S, T, U...
527
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,393
Cool.
528
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,637
I can skip chapters.
529
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:10,514
What a family.
530
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,755
All right, let's get dinner
over with. Next.
531
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,313
Next.
532
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,432
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
533
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,675
Will you stop already?
534
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:28,589
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
I can't wait not to see it.
535
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,198
Alone in my basement at last.
536
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:36,279
Should I do my work
and become partner now? I think so.
537
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,632
Let's get to it.
538
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:41,839
- Michael?
- Yo.
539
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:43,519
We don't wanna interrupt.
540
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,472
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
541
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:47,272
You had a fun time
hanging out with me?
542
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,311
That was... We did good, right?
543
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,313
- Good night, honey.
- Love you.
544
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:55,799
My schmeckel got bigger now that
I'm older, just so you guys know that.
545
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,309
It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
546
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,115
Yeah, yeah.
547
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,312
It looked like a little Tic Tac.
548
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,432
Yeah, come here,
I'll freshen your breath.
549
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:08,953
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye, sweetie.
550
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:10,991
Good night, sweetie.
551
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:14,953
Great dinner, honey.
552
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,310
See? Was that so bad?
553
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,317
Kidding me? I had fun.
554
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:23,069
Good for you. Can you watch the gang
for 10 minutes while I clean up?
555
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,475
Can't you? I just...
I got so much stuff to do here.
556
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:26,999
Oh, you got stuff to do?
557
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,555
I got ghost stories, charades,
the dishes...
558
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,399
...and then I gotta sew the duck's head
back on for Sundance...
559
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,158
...and fix his butthole.
560
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,395
Way to go, champ.
561
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,677
I wish I had time to do all that stuff.
562
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:40,233
Give me a break, Michael.
563
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,317
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
564
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,750
I'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for, like, a whole day.
565
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:46,279
You don't have to do that much.
566
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,153
How big a deal is that?
I am so tired of having this argument.
567
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,319
I skipped the whole fight.
568
00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:03,639
Babe?
569
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,275
- I can't sleep.
- You can't?
570
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:08,993
I feel bad that we keep arguing.
571
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,192
I know. Don't be upset, okay?
572
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,631
- I was a jerk.
- You are a jerk.
573
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,319
- I love you.
- I love you too.
574
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,351
- Yes. That smells good.
- What?
575
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:24,796
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
576
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,991
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
577
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,638
Okay. Quietly try
and coax me into it.
578
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,751
I gotta get back to work.
Can't we just do it?
579
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:34,837
No, we can't just do it.
Honey, come on.
580
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,909
I mean, I don't have any new moves
for you. It's the same stuff.
581
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,714
Just think of last time and use that.
582
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,434
I like the old moves. Come on.
583
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:46,835
All right.
584
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:48,917
This time you be Sundance,
I'll be the duck.
585
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,396
- Yeah?
- But you gotta massage me first.
586
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,751
Great, I love giving massages.
587
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,955
Massaging away here.
588
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,958
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
589
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,191
- We did it?
- Well, you did.
590
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,274
I didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
591
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,675
I don't think anybody did.
592
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,310
Yeah. I'll get you next time.
593
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,078
Thanks.
594
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,996
So we good for tomorrow?
595
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,158
What are you talking about?
596
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:40,509
At dinner.
597
00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:44,076
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
598
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,279
Dad's gift is...
599
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:52,109
- Of course. I said so, so I'll be there.
- Okay.
600
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,190
- Need another massage or anything?
- Oh, go away.
601
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,197
I gotta go work.
602
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,596
Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman.
603
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,155
Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?
604
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,348
Hang on for a second,
someone's at my door.
605
00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:12,993
- Hello, Michael.
- Where'd you come from?
606
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,318
You don't wanna know.
607
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,030
- Can we take a walk?
- Sure.
608
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:24,951
It's simple. You must
have been on autopilot.
609
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,195
Autopilot?
610
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,868
That's what happens to you
when you fast-forward.
611
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,911
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll show you.
612
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:32,439
Here.
613
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,918
See? That's you on autopilot.
614
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,554
The lights are on
but nobody's home.
615
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,910
The remote lets your mind
skip around...
616
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,588
...but your body actually stays put
for the boring stuff.
617
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,712
We should go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
618
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,433
Sounds good.
619
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:52,755
So she did tell me.
620
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,793
I'm having conversations
on autopilot, then.
621
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,468
You're not gonna be
the life of the party, but yes.
622
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,830
Everyone goes on autopilot
now and then.
623
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,793
The big difference
is now you've got a nifty remote...
624
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,195
...to help you decide when.
625
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,231
This thing is the best.
626
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:12,110
By the way, your wife?
Absolutely gorgeous.
627
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:16,711
- She is, isn't she?
- Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
628
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:19,638
You okay?
629
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,510
- Amazing.
- What is?
630
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:24,676
She fell for a schlub like you.
631
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,393
I'm a schlub?
632
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,398
I don't know about that, pal.
I see a good-looking man right there.
633
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,117
You wanna see what a stud
I used to be? Yeah?
634
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,470
All right, let's take a look
at some of the girls...
635
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,148
...I used to fool around with
before I met Donna.
636
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,516
Is that a man or a woman?
637
00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:52,551
It's a woman.
638
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,637
What is this, Animal Planet?
639
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,715
- Stop.
- Yes.
640
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:09,397
Sometimes it's better to keep
certain memories just in your head.
641
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,158
So I've learned, Morty.
642
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,157
Good night. Thank you.
643
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:15,312
Good night, Michael.
644
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,670
I'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till I'm better.
645
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,391
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
646
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,958
What? It's Monday already?
647
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,796
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
648
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,558
I skipped an entire cold?
649
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,149
Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
650
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,793
No more Tylenol!
651
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,877
I don't remember doing
any work this weekend.
652
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:57,878
But apparently I did.
653
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,710
- Bad news. There's no hot water.
- What? I gotta take a shower.
654
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,229
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
655
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,355
It's all good.
656
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,671
Yes! Look at me.
657
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,759
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
658
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,552
I like that. L...
659
00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:24,435
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
660
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,918
Just watch your toons and have
a great day with Mommy today, okay?
661
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,872
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
662
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:35,559
- Dad?
- Yes, sir?
663
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,194
Are you gonna have to work late
again tonight?
664
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,276
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Is there anything we can do to help?
665
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:46,237
Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and
I'm gonna need new building designs.
666
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:49,000
So if you guys have any cool ideas,
draw them up for me.
667
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:50,599
- Okay.
- Rock 'n' roll.
668
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,633
- I get the paper.
- I got the crayons.
669
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,555
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
670
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,631
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
671
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,389
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
672
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:31,158
Wait a sec!
673
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,275
Here we go! Mama!
674
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:39,870
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, baby!
675
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,552
You look a little pale there, pal.
Let me fix that.
676
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:53,314
Oh, look at you now.
You're all yellow from the scurvy.
677
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:54,509
Captain.
678
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:01,557
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
679
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,075
Oh, there's Barney.
680
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,431
I love you, you love me
681
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:20,758
That jogger had giant boobies
682
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:25,193
Okay. Let's get you that tan
you been searching for.
683
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:26,992
That's it. That's it.
684
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,988
Check out Julio Iglesias... Pretty.
685
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:37,559
- Looking good, Mr. Newman.
- Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
686
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:41,355
- Finish?
- Did I finish? I believe I finished.
687
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,836
- Let's see here. Look at that.
- Very impressive, Michael.
688
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:48,828
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
689
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,232
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
690
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,558
- I guess I can do it all, sir.
- You can do it all.
691
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,119
All right, all right, everybody.
It's sexual-harassment-speech day.
692
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,471
Now, anyone can be a victim
of sexual harassment:
693
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:07,958
Blue collar, white collar,
a woman, a man.
694
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,355
Even the office slut.
695
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:12,869
Not that I'm mentioning any names...
696
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:14,229
...Stacy.
697
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:21,559
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
698
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:26,270
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
699
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:30,589
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because I'm sure I've done it.
700
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:35,630
Like the day I said, "You want
a promotion, break out the lotion."
701
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,354
I was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
702
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,430
Hilarious sexual harassment,
if you ask me.
703
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:51,756
Now, there is also
homosexual harassment.
704
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,599
Now, this is like when
one dude comes up to another...
705
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,030
...and says something cheeky.
- This will be good.
706
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:21,194
Proceed.
707
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,155
I don't know about you Americans...
708
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,432
...but to me there is no doubt...
709
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,393
...lchiro is the greatest of all time.
710
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,079
Yeah, he's incredible.
711
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,271
You gotta admit,
you can always count on Matsui.
712
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:41,038
Oh, Matsui.
713
00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:44,550
Well, if you guys love Ichiro and
Matsui so much, let's order them both.
714
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,638
I'll eat anything.
715
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,116
- Excuse us for a moment.
- Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
716
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,311
See you guys in a bit.
717
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,399
Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players.
You just insulted their national heroes.
718
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,034
I'm going to the bathroom
to slit my wrists.
719
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:01,878
I'll be here.
720
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:18,555
These morons are so boring.
721
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:20,830
They make me wanna
chop my own dick off.
722
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:23,798
That hotel design?
I'd like to rip it up.
723
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,514
Egghead watched a bad documentary
on Asian architecture.
724
00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:28,358
Who needs a stupid river
in the lobby?
725
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,471
Let's build more rooms
and maximize profits.
726
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,193
Eat as fast as you can.
727
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:33,628
Then we can get out of here...
728
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:36,593
...and do Jell-O shots at America's
greatest cultural achievement:
729
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:37,789
T.G.I. Friday's.
730
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,433
T.G.I. Friday's!
731
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:46,475
- All right, Michael, save us.
- I'm all over it, baby.
732
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,469
Before we order, I was looking
at our proposal. You know what?
733
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:55,150
After getting to know you a little bit,
I realize this is not what you're about.
734
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,477
In fact, let's just throw it out, all right?
Start from scratch.
735
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,399
The river in the lobby idea,
what an egghead move.
736
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:05,275
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget
all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
737
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,471
That's what it's all about anyways,
the profits.
738
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,797
But do me a favour. Just give us
your account and your trust.
739
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,117
That way we can get the hell out
of this dump, go to T.G.I. Friday's...
740
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,914
...do some Jell-O shots
till this guy pukes up a lung.
741
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:19,795
Fuck, yeah.
742
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,918
That's what I'm talking about.
743
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:32,439
Yes, yes!
744
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:36,428
The king is home! Hello, hello!
745
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,394
How can you goons sleep
when you know I got you presents?
746
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:42,999
- You did?
- What is it?
747
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:47,113
What is it? Well, if you bring
your tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
748
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:49,877
I'm coming. I'm coming.
749
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:53,834
Honey, get your sweet little buns
downstairs too. Come on, come on!
750
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,236
Come and get them.
751
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,992
- Awesome! No way!
- Yeah, yeah.
752
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,116
- It must have cost a million dollars!
- That's chump change now.
753
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:08,435
You guys deserve the best...
754
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,949
...and that's what you're gonna get
from now on, okay?
755
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:12,388
What's all this?
756
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:14,591
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
757
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:16,711
- Yeah!
- Let's take them outside!
758
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,070
Wake the O'Doyles,
let them see what you got.
759
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:26,156
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
760
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,669
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
761
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:32,111
- Don't think I forgot my beautiful wife.
- Oh, my gosh.
762
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,995
It's not a bike or a cowboy hat,
but you're gonna like this, I hope.
763
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,557
- Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
- I heard you talking to my mother.
764
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,876
- I love it!
- You look good, baby.
765
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:45,152
I got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
766
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:46,839
What are we celebrating?
767
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:51,158
"What are we celebrating?"
We're healthy, we got a great family...
768
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,555
...l'm Ammer's newest partner...
769
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,991
Oh, my God, you're kidding!
Honey, congratulations!
770
00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,272
I knew it! I knew you'd be psyched!
I love it! I love you!
771
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,675
I single-handedly landed
the Watsuhita account.
772
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,110
That's incredible.
I knew it was gonna be a great day.
773
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:08,118
- I heard our song on the radio.
- We have a song?
774
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:12,918
Honey. The song that was playing
during our first kiss.
775
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,757
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
776
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:23,310
I know our song. Our song. Of course
I know our song. Our song is...
777
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:25,715
What the hell was that song?
778
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,511
I remember this place.
779
00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:32,473
And... Oh, my God.
780
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:35,319
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
781
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:40,875
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
782
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,038
Oh, yeah, the notes.
783
00:48:45,240 --> 00:48:47,151
Smooth, buddy.
784
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,352
Oh, look at her.
785
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:59,594
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
786
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:06,030
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
787
00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:15,879
All she's thinking about is,
"I am not kissing that beard.
788
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,672
Absolutely not,
that's gonna hurt me."
789
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,072
Wait a minute.
790
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,075
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
791
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,352
Yeah.
792
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:33,313
Donna!
793
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,034
Donna. Oh, my God.
794
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,358
I'm so horny now.
795
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:42,109
Oh, God, I'm not.
Get me out of here.
796
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:48,637
"Linger" by The Cranberries
was playing during our first juicy kiss.
797
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:52,150
And, my God, you looked beautiful
in that pink sweater you were wearing.
798
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:53,952
Honey, you remember
what I was wearing?
799
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,037
Of course. I remember
what Janine was wearing.
800
00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,356
She scared the shit out of me then.
801
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:03,318
I love you.
802
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:06,080
I love you too, honey.
803
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,396
Hi, Mr. Newman.
804
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:21,070
Right this way, Michael.
805
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:25,557
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
806
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,239
All right.
807
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,749
I am a little tired.
808
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,190
The family was up late
last night celebrating.
809
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,119
You really knocked one out of the park
last night, didn't you?
810
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:36,389
Hey, you were great too.
811
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:38,716
All you gotta do is draw up
the construction plans.
812
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:40,911
If Watsuhita commits
to the bulk of the funds...
813
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,315
...l'm looking at my new partner.
814
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:47,958
I thought I was already your partner.
815
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,039
Whoa, cowboy.
816
00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:52,913
I said, " Land the Watsuhita account,
you'll get promoted."
817
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:57,352
- I didn't mean right this second.
- But I already told my wife, sir.
818
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,790
I spent money I don't have.
819
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,753
To do these documents
is gonna take me months.
820
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,356
Then you better get started.
821
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:14,277
Wow, I just got a big headache!
822
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,832
- Was I hit by a train or something?
- I didn't see anything.
823
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:23,158
I forgot to tell you. I hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
824
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:27,148
I hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
825
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:38,039
No, no, no. You got more.
826
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,118
Yeah.
827
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,709
Anyway, the sooner
you get back to work...
828
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:49,717
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
829
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,195
- I taste shit.
- You do?
830
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:58,199
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
831
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,072
I'm gonna get going now, sir.
832
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,316
Stacy!
833
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,757
Have you considered
the consequences...
834
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,155
...of the thing
you're thinking about doing?
835
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,955
Yeah. What are you saying,
I shouldn't do it?
836
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:19,789
It's your life. What you do with
the remote is your decision, Michael.
837
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:23,959
I know, so, I mean,
we're talking a couple of months here.
838
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,549
I fast-forward through it,
what am I gonna miss?
839
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:28,432
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
840
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,632
Remember the leprechaun?
841
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,279
The one from the cereal ad.
842
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,638
"They're magically delicious."
That guy?
843
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:42,310
He's always chasing the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.
844
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:46,069
But when he gets there
at the end of the day...
845
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,670
...it's just corn flakes.
846
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,432
- Michael.
- Yes.
847
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:01,599
- You don't understand the metaphor?
- I won't do it, all right.
848
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:18,839
- Dad?
- Yeah.
849
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,271
- We have some designs for you.
- It's not a good time, man.
850
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,391
Maybe they'll help you
finish quicker.
851
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,989
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
852
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,632
The ceiling's too high,
the hallway's too narrow...
853
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,956
...stairway placement
makes no sense at all.
854
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:35,435
- What the hell's this room made of?
- Pizza.
855
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,871
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
856
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,915
- Pickles.
- Oh, don't be a baby.
857
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:46,032
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
858
00:53:46,240 --> 00:53:48,549
If he wants a playroom made of pizza,
then why not?
859
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,797
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime
and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
860
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,117
Hey, pizza boy.
Life ain't about being creative.
861
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,471
It's about kissing ass, playing it safe,
making your boss a lot of money...
862
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,478
...in hopes one day he might throw you
a stinking bone. All right?
863
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:03,272
Yes, sir.
864
00:54:03,720 --> 00:54:05,358
Ammer didn't make you partner,
did he?
865
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:10,113
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
866
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,875
But we'll get through this, okay?
I promise.
867
00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:15,754
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do
is get through it.
868
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:17,996
When is it gonna end?
869
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:35,034
Pretty sweet, eh?
870
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:37,959
Two queen beds, full kitchen,
steam shower...
871
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,230
...and satellite TV
with surround sound.
872
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,835
Why are you always trying to hurt me?
One day I'm gonna hurt you back.
873
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:47,918
Michael Newman,
I didn't know you smoked cigars.
874
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:49,678
And now's the time.
875
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:51,359
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
876
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:54,950
I took it out of Kevin's hands.
Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
877
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:56,388
No, I wasn't!
878
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:58,272
I think I smell marijuana in it.
879
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,631
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass
in this house right now!
880
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:02,955
I hate you.
881
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:06,436
Are you deaf? Move it!
I don't wanna have to ask you again!
882
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,551
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
883
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:10,557
Get your ass in this house!
884
00:55:12,720 --> 00:55:14,233
We don't have
any other choice, guys.
885
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:18,479
- No fair! I don't wanna return my bike!
- We have to, honey.
886
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:21,319
- But Daddy gave them to us!
- Because he loves you.
887
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,670
Unfortunately, there was
a mix-up at Daddy's work.
888
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:25,677
We need to bring
the bikes back for now.
889
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,952
But I already told Kevin O'Doyle
I got a new bike.
890
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,799
Well, we can paint my old bike
and make it look new.
891
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,675
That's a girl's bike.
All the kids will make fun of me.
892
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,435
No!
893
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,313
I wanna keep my bike!
894
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,670
I can't take this anymore.
895
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:45,438
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
896
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:52,193
So here's to Michael Newman...
897
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:55,278
...the greatest partner
I could ever dream of.
898
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,198
Hear, hear!
899
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:01,519
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
My family thanks you.
900
00:56:01,720 --> 00:56:04,837
I'm gonna do the best I can
and I won't let you down, I promise.
901
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:06,632
Yeah!
902
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:10,431
- Congratulations, Mr. Newman.
- This is great. Thank you.
903
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:12,073
How's it feel, killer?
904
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:14,953
- Feels incredible, sir.
- Well, you earned it. I'm telling you.
905
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,196
Not just because of that
Watsuhita project either.
906
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:20,995
For helping me pick up the slack
now I'm spending time with my lady.
907
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,633
Hey, Dinkie.
908
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:26,033
Are you kidding me? You guys have
been dating a couple months now?
909
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:28,390
That's pretty huge for this one.
910
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:32,717
No, the first few months were easy.
911
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,115
It was the one-year hump
that was the tough part.
912
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:39,199
Her inappropriate weekend
with my brother in Cabo...
913
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,118
...well, that was
a potential speed bump.
914
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:44,118
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us
work through it, didn't he, honey?
915
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:45,833
How's he doing for you and Donna?
916
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,352
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
917
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:52,632
Oh, you know what, sweetie?
It's none of our business.
918
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,593
Let's let Michael bask in his glory.
Cheers.
919
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:58,155
Bask away, partner.
920
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:01,354
Took that bastard
a year to promote me?
921
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:04,717
What else did I miss?
922
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,150
- Shit.
- Need something, Mr. Newman?
923
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,079
- Who are you?
- Kirsten, your assistant.
924
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:11,793
What happened to Alice?
925
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,309
She moved to Accounting.
Couldn't handle your hours.
926
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,952
And she prefers to be called Alan now.
Remember?
927
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:23,119
No.
928
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:25,835
No.
929
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:29,112
No! And who the hell's
Dr. Bergman?
930
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,718
And I feel like Michael's making
no effort to connect with me at all.
931
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:35,593
No, no. I want to. I want to.
It's... I'm on autopilot.
932
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,633
"I'm on autopilot."
More like auto-zombie.
933
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:40,068
Good one, Donna.
934
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:44,078
- "Good one, Donna"?
- Michael, relax.
935
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:46,794
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and I just talk?
936
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,912
Why? Because there is no talking
to you. You're never home to talk to.
937
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:52,953
And when you are, you're just sitting
there staring off into space.
938
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:54,309
What do you want from me?
939
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:56,636
This is what happens.
He's gonna answer his phone.
940
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,994
What the heck happened?
I didn't even touch the remote.
941
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:03,111
Great, you gonna start watching TV
at dinner?
942
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:04,719
Oh, can we?
943
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,198
Samantha. My little angel.
Look at you.
944
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:09,833
Look how long your hair's getting.
945
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:11,996
When did you grow up?
Ben, get over here.
946
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:13,838
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna work tonight.
947
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,031
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
948
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:19,596
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad.
I wanna watch CSI.
949
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:21,597
Yeah, CSI.
950
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:23,756
It's the episode
when they find the lady's arm.
951
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:27,999
What happened? I missed
the whole Dragon Tales era?
952
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:34,912
Whoa, hey, hello.
953
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:38,350
What are you doing?
Come here! Give me my Twinkie!
954
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:40,039
Get back here,
you freaking gremlin!
955
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,800
Don't yell at Peanut because
he found your Twinkie stash.
956
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:44,399
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
957
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:47,114
Don't mention Sundance.
The kids just stopped crying.
958
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,719
About what? Why?
What happened?
959
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:52,513
He died?
960
00:58:56,040 --> 00:59:00,477
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
961
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:03,752
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
962
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:06,952
- Daddy held it in so long.
- He was the best dog!
963
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,594
He's finally letting himself feel it.
964
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:13,839
One night when the duck's head
was off...
965
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,600
...he tried to hump my leg
and I didn't let him...
966
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:19,268
...and I should've and I'm sorry.
967
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:23,553
- What an idiot.
- It's okay, it's okay.
968
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,155
What the heck did I do?
969
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:29,193
I love you. Do you still love me?
970
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:33,675
Oh, Michael.
971
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:35,632
It's been...
972
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:37,353
I'm really confused.
973
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:41,189
No, no, no. I'll change, okay?
I'll be a better man, I promise.
974
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,392
Don't go, don't go.
I'll stop working so much, okay?
975
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:47,717
I'll be with you. Just stay with me.
976
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:51,674
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck
long to get over Sundance.
977
00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:55,670
It's a little deviant,
but it's kind of turning me on.
978
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:58,394
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
979
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:15,559
No. No!
980
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:17,796
It's not my fault.
981
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,560
It jumped on its own.
I didn't even hit the button.
982
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,113
Not even close.
983
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:26,479
Yes?
984
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:32,229
- You scared...
- Honey, what's going on down there?
985
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:36,399
It's all right! L...
There was a mouse! I killed it!
986
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:40,388
It's dead! But it broke the table first!
987
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:44,070
- How did you get in here?
- I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
988
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:46,111
I'm freaking out.
This thing, it's broken.
989
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:48,709
It's just... It's fast-forwarding
on its own now.
990
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,831
It's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
991
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:54,715
It's using its memory
to execute your preferences.
992
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,672
It remembers stuff?
What do you mean?
993
01:00:56,880 --> 01:01:00,350
It's an advanced piece of equipment,
like TiVo.
994
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:02,432
You could call it Me Vo.
995
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:05,518
I fast-forwarded through sex one time,
I don't wanna skip it forever.
996
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:07,278
I like sex. It feels good.
997
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:11,519
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you
fast-forwarded through an entire year.
998
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:13,199
That's a lot of sex.
999
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:16,790
Put it all together,
that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
1000
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,275
Oh, no, no. So what,
everything I fast-forwarded...
1001
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:21,675
...it's gonna do it on its own now?
- Pretty much.
1002
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,916
No more showering, no more traffic.
1003
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:26,554
No more arguing.
No more sickness.
1004
01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:28,079
This is bad, this is bad.
1005
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:30,191
You take it back,
I'm deactivating my service.
1006
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:33,312
I quit, I quit. Thanks for everything,
all right, but l...
1007
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:36,595
Yeah.
1008
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:45,990
You... This is not...
1009
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:50,274
Don't be mean.
1010
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:54,709
Nice hat.
1011
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,635
No, no, no.
1012
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:04,712
Get away from me. Just get away.
Get away. Leave me alone.
1013
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:08,595
Is this a stickup?
Or are you just happy?
1014
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:12,232
Yeah? I'm gonna
take my clothes off, then...
1015
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:13,953
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
1016
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:16,879
There's only one place left
for it to pop up.
1017
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:21,796
Oh. No, no, I don't want that.
Come on, man.
1018
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:25,993
I told you,
this item is nonreturnable.
1019
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:30,038
- Come on, just take it.
- Until we meet again.
1020
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:34,950
Don't do that. Come on, Morty.
How do I get it to stop fast-forwarding?
1021
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:39,909
Morning, sweetie.
1022
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,558
You wanna shower first?
1023
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:46,309
Yeah. No! I can't shower
because then I'll fast-forward.
1024
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,193
And if I fast-forward, who knows
how long I'll fast-forward for.
1025
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:52,198
How's this? I'm gonna rough it today,
like in the Old West. Okay?
1026
01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:54,868
Donna, I wanna tell you
what's going on right now so bad...
1027
01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:58,231
...but it might lead to an argument.
We can't argue because off I'll go.
1028
01:02:58,440 --> 01:02:59,998
So just know there is a problem.
1029
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,873
I tried to get rid of the problem,
it almost ended up in my ass.
1030
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:05,071
I'm gonna go to work
and try to figure this out.
1031
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:06,838
You're going to work
in your bathrobe?
1032
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,031
Honey. We can't argue, okay?
No more arguing.
1033
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:11,549
You're right. I'm wrong. All the time.
You want a kiss?
1034
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,320
- I'll take a kiss.
- I can't. If I give you a kiss...
1035
01:03:14,520 --> 01:03:17,318
...it might lead to something else,
then... three minutes goes by.
1036
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:19,590
You're laying there disappointed,
I'm smiling.
1037
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,951
I wanna be with you every minute
of my life, that's why I gotta leave now.
1038
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:24,673
Have a great day!
1039
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:29,192
Once again, Michael left Donna
in bed confused and unsatisfied.
1040
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:30,913
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
1041
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:33,918
No, you shut up, big mouth!
1042
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,477
Michael!
1043
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:28,398
Mr. Ammer is here
1044
01:04:29,040 --> 01:04:32,715
Your first day as a partner, you come
to work in a fricking bathrobe?
1045
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,275
I did. I did.
1046
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:38,790
John, I just feel we should
stop wasting our energy...
1047
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:42,151
...on corporate brown-nosing and
worrying who's got the better suit.
1048
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:44,828
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
1049
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:48,077
Let's concentrate
on what really matters, the work.
1050
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:52,235
That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard.
1051
01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:56,395
But goddamn it, you're right.
1052
01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:03,236
Life-changing. I feel freer.
1053
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:04,879
Yeah... Keep the pants on.
1054
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:07,710
Sexual harassment, eh?
1055
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,151
Speaking of life-changing...
1056
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:15,115
...there's something, or actually
someone, I'd like to talk to you about.
1057
01:05:16,680 --> 01:05:18,432
- Janine.
- Everything okay?
1058
01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:21,154
Michael, Janine and I decided
to drop out of the rat race...
1059
01:05:21,360 --> 01:05:22,634
...slow down, move to Morocco.
1060
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:25,274
- Morocco?
- Morocco.
1061
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:26,835
Okay.
1062
01:05:27,040 --> 01:05:29,759
Eric Lamensoff will assume
my day-to-day responsibilities...
1063
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,030
...and I'd like you to take his job.
1064
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:37,231
But Eric Lamensoff is the head
of the whole international division.
1065
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:39,351
- I've been your partner one day.
- So?
1066
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,199
Every account you worked on
turned into gold.
1067
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:43,913
You know, I wouldn't be surprised...
1068
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,315
...if one day you ended up
being our CEO.
1069
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:50,073
Hey, I would love
for that to happen, but...
1070
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,113
No! No, no, no!
I don't want a promotion!
1071
01:05:53,320 --> 01:05:56,039
No!
1072
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:03,113
Michael, you have a phone call.
1073
01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:04,355
Michael Newman.
1074
01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:08,989
Word up, big guy.
1075
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:12,510
Ten years ago you told me
you wanted to be CEO.
1076
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:15,917
Great news.
Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
1077
01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:18,588
So you better stop with the junk food,
Mr. Chairman...
1078
01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:21,030
... or you'll end up
killing yourself too.
1079
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:26,715
Opening virtual blinds.
1080
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:31,357
Ten years?
How much worse can things get?
1081
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:48,954
Oh, my God, I'm a fat guy!
1082
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:50,559
Look at me.
1083
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:59,153
What is this? This is titties.
1084
01:06:59,840 --> 01:07:01,796
I got juicy titties!
1085
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:03,638
What... What is that?
1086
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:07,435
Oh, God, no.
1087
01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:09,359
Just take me home.
1088
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:19,111
This is 1010 WINS news.
February 5th, 2017.
1089
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:21,470
Britney Spears
had her 23rd baby today.
1090
01:07:21,680 --> 01:07:24,877
Proud father Kevin Federline says
he's now considering getting a job.
1091
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:28,277
Also, Michael Jackson,
the first man to clone himself...
1092
01:07:28,480 --> 01:07:31,074
... is now suing himself
for molesting himself.
1093
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:45,673
Donna!
1094
01:07:46,520 --> 01:07:48,192
Donna!
1095
01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:57,989
Can I help you?
1096
01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:02,995
- Hey, Dad.
- "Hey, Dad"?
1097
01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:05,998
Ben? That's you?
1098
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:09,192
Look how big you got.
You're enormous.
1099
01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:13,349
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie
of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
1100
01:08:13,560 --> 01:08:14,959
Really good for my self-esteem.
1101
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,469
Maybe if you would take me
to Pilates like you said...
1102
01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:19,591
...people wouldn't think
I was Rosie O'Donnell!
1103
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:21,279
Come on, I love you!
1104
01:08:21,480 --> 01:08:24,199
- Bring me back the Twinkies!
- You're so cruel!
1105
01:08:24,400 --> 01:08:26,630
Will you please stop yelling?
It is so embarrassing.
1106
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:29,832
- Is that my daughter?
- Mom, I'm going to Derek's!
1107
01:08:30,040 --> 01:08:33,430
That's you, Samantha?
When did you get boobs?
1108
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:36,228
The same time you did, Dad.
Now can I go?
1109
01:08:36,440 --> 01:08:38,590
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who the hell's this Derek guy?
1110
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:41,837
My boyfriend, the hottest boy
in school, hello?
1111
01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:43,917
He's gonna be hot
when I burn his house down.
1112
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,997
Get your ass upstairs,
put normal clothes on.
1113
01:08:46,200 --> 01:08:48,873
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Get them on now!
1114
01:08:49,080 --> 01:08:51,071
- And wipe off all that makeup!
- Right!
1115
01:08:53,440 --> 01:08:55,032
Is Peanut dead too?
1116
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:58,634
This one's got the duck
doing all the work.
1117
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:03,038
Donna. Donna.
1118
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:05,999
Goddamn it.
1119
01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:09,158
Look how gorgeous you look.
I'm so scared.
1120
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:12,272
- Knock, knock, gang.
- Hey, sweetie.
1121
01:09:18,040 --> 01:09:19,155
What's going on?
1122
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:21,032
Donna and I were gonna get
hot chocolate.
1123
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:23,390
- You want us to bring you one?
- You cheating on me?
1124
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:25,113
With Johnny G-String over here?
1125
01:09:25,320 --> 01:09:27,276
Come on. Time-out.
I thought we were past that.
1126
01:09:27,480 --> 01:09:30,597
No, no, no, we're past this argument.
No, you're right, no big deal.
1127
01:09:30,800 --> 01:09:33,439
Hey, it's just that you don't
mess with another man's wife!
1128
01:09:33,640 --> 01:09:35,517
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
1129
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:37,597
It was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
1130
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:39,438
Get off me!
You sticking up for him?
1131
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:42,154
Go away! Go away, I hate you!
1132
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:44,794
- We can't argue! Donna, please!
- I hate you! I hate you!
1133
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:47,119
Oh, man!
1134
01:09:47,320 --> 01:09:49,276
You hate me?
1135
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:55,795
No. No.
1136
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:58,468
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
1137
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:03,391
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
1138
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:05,750
You did this to yourself, Michael.
1139
01:10:05,960 --> 01:10:08,235
No. No, I didn't wanna
waste all that time.
1140
01:10:08,440 --> 01:10:09,793
I didn't wanna lose Donna!
1141
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:11,638
The remote goes by your behaviour.
1142
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:15,196
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
1143
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:16,833
- No, not true.
- Lie to your wife.
1144
01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:19,508
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
1145
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:23,429
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't
change what already happened.
1146
01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:25,517
But you're still a young man.
1147
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:28,234
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
1148
01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:30,431
So that's what I'll do.
1149
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:32,358
Go for it, tubs.
1150
01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:37,472
I saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
1151
01:10:52,800 --> 01:10:54,438
You'll feel that in a second.
1152
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:58,031
All right, please,
please just read my note.
1153
01:10:58,240 --> 01:11:00,879
- Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
1154
01:11:01,120 --> 01:11:02,394
Oh, my nuts!
1155
01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:13,230
Michael, are you awake?
1156
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:17,990
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
1157
01:11:19,920 --> 01:11:21,717
Donna.
1158
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,635
Where'd all my fat go?
1159
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:32,636
It was just a dream?
A terrible, terrible dream.
1160
01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:34,796
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
1161
01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:37,195
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
1162
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:41,116
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
1163
01:11:41,320 --> 01:11:43,311
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
1164
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:46,796
...you wouldn't have had the CAT scan
that found the cancer before it spread.
1165
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:48,353
I have cancer?
1166
01:11:48,560 --> 01:11:50,312
No, you had cancer.
1167
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:52,636
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
1168
01:11:52,840 --> 01:11:54,751
That's probably what caused
your heart attack.
1169
01:11:54,960 --> 01:11:56,154
Heart attack?
1170
01:11:56,360 --> 01:11:58,271
I thought they weaned you
off the morphine.
1171
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:00,558
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
1172
01:12:00,760 --> 01:12:03,228
...since the injury,
you haven't been healthy a full day.
1173
01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:05,670
When exactly did I hurt my head?
1174
01:12:06,640 --> 01:12:09,837
When was it? Like, six years ago?
1175
01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:15,194
Six more years! No! No!
It skipped all my sickness.
1176
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:17,277
I'm gonna ask them
to cut back on painkillers.
1177
01:12:17,480 --> 01:12:18,959
Donna, don't go.
1178
01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:22,158
What's this?
1179
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:28,479
That's not bad
for your third liposuction.
1180
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:31,432
One more tummy tuck
should take care of it.
1181
01:12:32,480 --> 01:12:35,119
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
1182
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:36,833
...licking.
1183
01:12:37,880 --> 01:12:41,190
Look, I should go.
Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
1184
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:43,231
- So I'll probably...
- Bill?
1185
01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:45,670
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
1186
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:48,394
Whatever happened
to "forever and ever," honey?
1187
01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:50,636
"Forever and ever"?
1188
01:12:50,840 --> 01:12:54,037
Look, Michael, I'm trying to have
a civilized relationship with you...
1189
01:12:54,240 --> 01:12:55,514
...for the kids' sake.
1190
01:12:55,720 --> 01:12:58,234
I really wanna be friends,
but I can't do that if you...
1191
01:12:58,440 --> 01:13:00,032
Would you stop flapping that thing?
1192
01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:02,879
It's my flap, I'll do
whatever the hell I want with it!
1193
01:13:04,720 --> 01:13:05,675
You done?
1194
01:13:07,600 --> 01:13:09,670
Look, Bill's my husband.
1195
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:12,553
Please learn to accept that.
I really have to go.
1196
01:13:12,760 --> 01:13:14,955
Husband? Donna?
1197
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:20,553
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
1198
01:13:21,080 --> 01:13:23,640
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
1199
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:26,354
Building a better world for all of us.
1200
01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:28,630
Architect of the year, 2018.
1201
01:13:28,840 --> 01:13:31,274
All your dreams came true,
huh, moron?
1202
01:13:31,480 --> 01:13:34,153
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
1203
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:39,515
- Benjamin. Look at that.
- Look... What?
1204
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:43,713
Your face. Your skinny face.
You're shaving now, huh, kid?
1205
01:13:43,920 --> 01:13:48,232
Your entire ass is gone.
What happened? Good for you.
1206
01:13:48,440 --> 01:13:52,718
Right, my ass. Why don't
we talk about it in my office.
1207
01:13:55,440 --> 01:13:57,510
My old office.
1208
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:03,672
The architect. How did this happen?
1209
01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:07,759
- Mom said you were still a little loopy.
- No, no, no. I'm feeling terrific.
1210
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:11,430
The weight. How did you do it?
Staple treatment like your old man?
1211
01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:13,596
Wanna have a flap fight?
You gotta see this...
1212
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:17,156
No. Just working out with Bill
five times a week. Same as always.
1213
01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:27,314
That's a looker.
Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
1214
01:14:27,520 --> 01:14:28,714
Is that your girl?
1215
01:14:29,480 --> 01:14:31,436
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
1216
01:14:31,840 --> 01:14:33,193
Of course it is.
1217
01:14:33,400 --> 01:14:35,914
And you better
always take care of her...
1218
01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:39,749
...and make sure nobody touches her
except you.
1219
01:14:40,680 --> 01:14:43,672
Pop, I'm just getting ready
for this meeting.
1220
01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:47,918
Okay. Absolutely.
I'll take off for you.
1221
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:53,509
I'd like to spend more time together.
All of us.
1222
01:14:53,720 --> 01:14:55,676
Take you out for ice cream.
How's that?
1223
01:14:56,040 --> 01:14:57,837
I know your mother won't come...
1224
01:14:58,040 --> 01:15:01,999
...but you, Samantha,
Grandpa, Grandma.
1225
01:15:02,360 --> 01:15:03,588
That'd be nice, huh?
1226
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:07,509
I knew something
was funny with you today.
1227
01:15:07,720 --> 01:15:11,110
Papa, take a seat.
Let me get you a water, okay?
1228
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:14,436
What are we sitting for?
1229
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:19,394
- Here you go, Pop, drink this.
- All right. Drink some water.
1230
01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:23,038
There, I had my water.
What's going on?
1231
01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:27,918
Grandpa died, Dad.
1232
01:15:30,920 --> 01:15:33,036
He died a while back now.
1233
01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:41,199
No, no, no.
1234
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:43,675
Don't say that.
1235
01:15:44,440 --> 01:15:47,079
Where was I?
1236
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:48,508
You're crying?
1237
01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:51,596
What happened?
1238
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:57,037
Nothing. You know,
he just got old. That's life.
1239
01:15:57,240 --> 01:16:00,949
- Shit.
- You're born and you live and you die.
1240
01:16:02,240 --> 01:16:03,468
Man, I gotta go.
1241
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:05,716
Hey, hang on.
Susie, push my next meeting.
1242
01:16:05,920 --> 01:16:08,070
No, no, do your meeting.
It's fine. I'm just dizzy.
1243
01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:10,919
- Why are you crying?
- I'm dizzy from the operation.
1244
01:16:11,120 --> 01:16:14,635
You're gonna make me cry, Dad.
You don't... You don't have to go.
1245
01:16:18,680 --> 01:16:20,875
You look... You look good.
1246
01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:22,877
It's all right. Goodbye.
1247
01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:38,992
Come on.
1248
01:16:39,200 --> 01:16:40,474
Come on.
1249
01:16:40,680 --> 01:16:42,636
It won't take you there.
1250
01:16:43,160 --> 01:16:44,559
Take me where?
1251
01:16:45,320 --> 01:16:48,039
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
1252
01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:50,396
Of course I wasn't.
1253
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:54,310
Can you take me
to the last time I saw him, please?
1254
01:16:57,760 --> 01:17:01,150
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
1255
01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:04,557
Would you mind looking
at my shopping mall design again?
1256
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:05,988
This one is cheaper.
1257
01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:09,078
But if you check this out...
1258
01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:12,192
...you'll see it has
a much better natural flow...
1259
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:15,278
Cheaper one, like I said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
1260
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:19,191
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
1261
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:22,233
He ain't right. You're a schmuck!
Look at it!
1262
01:17:22,760 --> 01:17:23,715
Surprise.
1263
01:17:23,920 --> 01:17:26,150
Hey, Grandpa.
1264
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:28,994
Oh, my God.
1265
01:17:32,640 --> 01:17:35,029
When did you get so handsome?
1266
01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:37,515
So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea.
1267
01:17:37,720 --> 01:17:40,029
Your mother's playing canasta
with her friends tonight.
1268
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,470
I thought,
"What a great opportunity."
1269
01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:45,638
You, me and Ben should go
and have a boys' night out.
1270
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:48,149
- Can't.
- What do you mean you can't?
1271
01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:49,475
You have to eat sometime.
1272
01:17:49,680 --> 01:17:51,955
We could go,
we could whistle at pretty girls.
1273
01:17:52,160 --> 01:17:54,310
- I'm down for that.
- See? He's down.
1274
01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:56,511
I don't know what it means,
but he's down.
1275
01:17:56,720 --> 01:17:59,996
- Hey. Please.
- Don't give me that finger.
1276
01:18:04,840 --> 01:18:06,876
I'll make you a deal.
1277
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:11,232
If you come, I'll show you
the quarter trick.
1278
01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:13,670
- Will you look at the man?
- I'll tell you the secret.
1279
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:15,711
No, Dad.
1280
01:18:15,920 --> 01:18:17,114
Don't you wanna know how l...?
1281
01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:19,675
I know how you do the stupid trick.
I've always known.
1282
01:18:19,880 --> 01:18:21,108
Can you let me do my work?
1283
01:18:25,520 --> 01:18:27,112
You've always known.
1284
01:18:27,320 --> 01:18:28,719
You're pathetic.
1285
01:18:29,680 --> 01:18:31,113
Okay.
1286
01:18:33,720 --> 01:18:36,154
I'm so sorry I barged in.
1287
01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:38,551
I love you, son.
1288
01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:43,037
See you later, Grandpa, I love you.
1289
01:18:43,240 --> 01:18:44,753
Dad.
1290
01:18:45,400 --> 01:18:47,118
Pop.
1291
01:18:47,320 --> 01:18:48,912
Pop.
1292
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,991
I love you, son.
1293
01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,796
I love you, son.
1294
01:19:21,440 --> 01:19:23,396
I love you, son.
1295
01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:31,236
I love you too, Dad.
1296
01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:37,998
I'll miss you.
1297
01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:41,599
You know that.
1298
01:19:45,120 --> 01:19:46,712
Goodbye.
1299
01:20:11,480 --> 01:20:13,755
I'm sorry about your father.
1300
01:20:14,200 --> 01:20:17,988
Taking him wasn't something
I wanted to do.
1301
01:20:18,680 --> 01:20:20,079
What do you mean "taking him"?
1302
01:20:20,280 --> 01:20:21,793
I'm an angel, Michael.
1303
01:20:22,320 --> 01:20:23,912
An angel?
1304
01:20:24,760 --> 01:20:27,194
I thought an angel was
supposed to protect people.
1305
01:20:27,400 --> 01:20:29,356
I'm the angel of death.
1306
01:20:31,240 --> 01:20:33,913
Your dad, it was his time.
1307
01:20:35,480 --> 01:20:37,357
You bastard.
1308
01:20:44,760 --> 01:20:46,557
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
1309
01:20:46,760 --> 01:20:50,070
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
1310
01:21:05,400 --> 01:21:09,837
And now, everybody, it's time
for Mr. Newman to say a few words.
1311
01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:11,913
Yay, Michael!
1312
01:21:13,880 --> 01:21:16,519
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
1313
01:21:19,200 --> 01:21:21,589
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
1314
01:21:22,360 --> 01:21:25,033
Okay, where's the groom?
Show your face.
1315
01:21:25,240 --> 01:21:26,753
Hi, Dad.
1316
01:21:27,440 --> 01:21:30,910
Ben. I didn't miss
my son's wedding.
1317
01:21:31,120 --> 01:21:35,352
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
1318
01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:38,474
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
1319
01:21:41,240 --> 01:21:42,639
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
1320
01:21:44,120 --> 01:21:45,997
God, you got old.
1321
01:21:47,880 --> 01:21:53,000
No, no. L... She... I'm just playing.
She knows that.
1322
01:21:58,600 --> 01:21:59,828
Ma.
1323
01:22:03,800 --> 01:22:06,075
Ben's wife...
1324
01:22:06,680 --> 01:22:07,908
...welcome to the family.
1325
01:22:08,120 --> 01:22:09,189
Thank you.
1326
01:22:09,400 --> 01:22:12,073
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
1327
01:22:21,680 --> 01:22:26,071
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
1328
01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:31,195
Michael, you haven't kissed me
like that since you were a little boy.
1329
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:34,597
You are the best, Ma.
You know I know that, right?
1330
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:37,837
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
1331
01:22:38,480 --> 01:22:42,109
You know, Michael, your father
would've loved to be here.
1332
01:22:42,320 --> 01:22:43,719
I know, Ma.
1333
01:22:44,560 --> 01:22:47,438
Okay? I'm just glad you're here.
1334
01:22:48,200 --> 01:22:53,354
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too.
It's beautiful. Beautiful.
1335
01:22:53,800 --> 01:22:55,119
Beautiful. Look at her.
1336
01:22:55,760 --> 01:22:57,671
Donna, my favourite.
1337
01:22:58,480 --> 01:23:00,710
You're such a schmuck
for letting her go.
1338
01:23:00,920 --> 01:23:03,878
But don't let me ruin your evening.
I'll talk to you later.
1339
01:23:04,080 --> 01:23:05,957
Christina.
1340
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:11,359
Michael, you've been so generous
taking care of all this...
1341
01:23:11,560 --> 01:23:12,675
...and the kids' honeymoon.
1342
01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:14,871
- Absolutely.
- Thank you so much.
1343
01:23:15,080 --> 01:23:19,119
Of course. Ben's wife
seems like a nice kid, huh?
1344
01:23:19,320 --> 01:23:22,118
- I think she's wonderful.
- Definite keeper.
1345
01:23:22,320 --> 01:23:25,676
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
1346
01:23:30,840 --> 01:23:33,308
Out of all the songs, huh?
1347
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:36,711
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
1348
01:23:36,920 --> 01:23:39,718
...do you mind if I dance
with my ex-husband for a minute?
1349
01:23:39,920 --> 01:23:42,070
- Not at all.
- Thank you.
1350
01:23:42,280 --> 01:23:44,714
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
1351
01:23:44,920 --> 01:23:46,069
You got it, Bill.
1352
01:23:57,840 --> 01:24:00,070
Why does he have
a bathing suit on?
1353
01:24:01,720 --> 01:24:03,790
Nice Speedo, buddy.
1354
01:24:15,320 --> 01:24:17,117
Still smelling good, huh?
1355
01:24:17,320 --> 01:24:19,709
After all these years.
1356
01:24:21,360 --> 01:24:22,759
Are you happy?
1357
01:24:22,960 --> 01:24:25,554
Of course I'm happy,
our son just got married.
1358
01:24:25,760 --> 01:24:30,231
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
1359
01:24:30,440 --> 01:24:33,193
"Ended." It's not over yet.
1360
01:24:33,400 --> 01:24:36,870
- That's my Donna.
- It's true.
1361
01:24:38,360 --> 01:24:39,918
That Samantha?
1362
01:24:40,480 --> 01:24:44,632
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
1363
01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:46,953
What is with you?
1364
01:24:48,840 --> 01:24:50,637
Just kidding, I...
1365
01:24:50,840 --> 01:24:53,513
Just not used to seeing you
all grown-up like this.
1366
01:24:54,520 --> 01:24:59,230
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling
me that I look pretty, then thank you.
1367
01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:01,113
Let's go get some cake.
1368
01:25:01,320 --> 01:25:03,117
- I'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
- Okay.
1369
01:25:04,760 --> 01:25:06,318
"Dad"?
1370
01:25:08,760 --> 01:25:09,988
Michael, are you okay?
1371
01:25:12,480 --> 01:25:15,870
Is there a doctor?
We need a doctor here!
1372
01:25:18,840 --> 01:25:20,068
Michael!
1373
01:25:20,280 --> 01:25:22,953
- Dad!
- Dad!
1374
01:25:24,880 --> 01:25:26,472
It's just corn flakes.
1375
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:53,439
One dance, you pop an artery.
1376
01:25:54,680 --> 01:25:58,639
Why'd you make me
waste my entire life?
1377
01:25:58,840 --> 01:26:00,831
You were fast-forwarding
through your life...
1378
01:26:01,040 --> 01:26:03,270
...long before you ever met me.
1379
01:26:03,480 --> 01:26:05,471
You lived the life you chose,
big shot.
1380
01:26:06,320 --> 01:26:08,311
This is not the life I wanted.
1381
01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:09,839
It is.
1382
01:26:14,880 --> 01:26:16,029
Looks like it is.
1383
01:26:19,760 --> 01:26:22,752
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
1384
01:26:24,600 --> 01:26:27,433
I feel better
now that you guys are here.
1385
01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:29,790
Samantha's been here
like 36 hours straight.
1386
01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:33,197
She said she wouldn't leave
the hospital until you woke up.
1387
01:26:34,160 --> 01:26:37,994
- Why'd you do that?
- Because. You're my father.
1388
01:26:38,600 --> 01:26:40,955
I thought Bill was your father.
1389
01:26:41,680 --> 01:26:43,716
I have two fathers.
1390
01:26:44,640 --> 01:26:49,111
One of them told me he was gonna
live till he was 200. Remember?
1391
01:26:50,960 --> 01:26:53,269
You both really need
to get some sleep.
1392
01:26:53,480 --> 01:26:55,596
And I got a plane to catch.
1393
01:26:56,280 --> 01:26:58,874
Big Ben's gotta go
on his honeymoon.
1394
01:26:59,520 --> 01:27:01,988
Actually, I just cancelled
the honeymoon.
1395
01:27:02,200 --> 01:27:05,909
Kensington deal might fall through,
so I gotta go do damage control.
1396
01:27:06,120 --> 01:27:07,838
- Julie and I can go to Italy anytime.
- No.
1397
01:27:08,040 --> 01:27:09,189
It's not that big a deal.
1398
01:27:09,400 --> 01:27:11,550
- That's not fair to your wife.
- Dad...
1399
01:27:11,760 --> 01:27:14,558
...she gets it. Keeping
the business going is more important.
1400
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:17,399
Guys, I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to leave. He needs his rest.
1401
01:27:17,600 --> 01:27:18,715
All right. Bye, Dad.
1402
01:27:19,960 --> 01:27:21,678
Bye, Daddy.
1403
01:27:32,640 --> 01:27:34,312
Get this off of me.
1404
01:27:38,680 --> 01:27:40,352
Whoa, whoa!
1405
01:27:40,560 --> 01:27:42,949
Hey, fella, you're a long way
from walking out of here.
1406
01:27:43,160 --> 01:27:44,559
I gotta see my son.
1407
01:27:44,760 --> 01:27:47,069
You're not going anywhere.
Now, get back into the bed.
1408
01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,791
- Isn't that Colin Farrell?
- Where?
1409
01:27:55,640 --> 01:27:56,914
Michael.
1410
01:27:57,120 --> 01:28:00,396
Those machines
are keeping you alive.
1411
01:28:00,600 --> 01:28:02,955
I gotta talk to my boy.
1412
01:28:09,640 --> 01:28:11,756
- Michael, stop.
- No.
1413
01:28:14,400 --> 01:28:17,278
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
1414
01:28:25,560 --> 01:28:27,437
Ben!
1415
01:28:39,080 --> 01:28:40,229
Ben!
1416
01:28:48,600 --> 01:28:51,273
Ben!
1417
01:28:53,160 --> 01:28:56,391
Ben!
1418
01:28:58,840 --> 01:29:00,831
Dad? Dad?
1419
01:29:01,400 --> 01:29:03,277
Dad, what are you doing?
1420
01:29:03,480 --> 01:29:05,516
Are you okay?
1421
01:29:06,200 --> 01:29:09,636
- Oh, my God.
- Help! Help!
1422
01:29:09,840 --> 01:29:11,751
- Dad! Dad!
- Help!
1423
01:29:11,960 --> 01:29:13,439
Ben, Ben.
1424
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:19,999
Family. Family. Family.
1425
01:29:20,200 --> 01:29:21,189
What?
1426
01:29:21,400 --> 01:29:25,598
Family. Family. Family comes first.
1427
01:29:26,160 --> 01:29:27,752
Family comes first.
1428
01:29:27,960 --> 01:29:29,996
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
1429
01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:33,517
Honeymoon. I love you.
1430
01:29:35,240 --> 01:29:37,674
Samantha. Samantha.
1431
01:29:37,880 --> 01:29:41,998
I didn't make 200, but I love you.
1432
01:29:42,200 --> 01:29:43,918
I love you.
1433
01:29:44,640 --> 01:29:47,598
Bill, Bill, Bill.
1434
01:30:12,120 --> 01:30:13,997
I'm sorry.
1435
01:30:17,640 --> 01:30:19,039
Michael.
1436
01:30:19,240 --> 01:30:23,233
The note you wrote her,
it's in your pocket.
1437
01:30:37,080 --> 01:30:39,594
Forever and ever, babe.
1438
01:30:46,040 --> 01:30:47,439
It's time to go.
1439
01:31:21,080 --> 01:31:24,993
- Where am I?
- You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
1440
01:31:25,200 --> 01:31:26,633
I was just watching you sleep.
1441
01:31:26,840 --> 01:31:29,115
You looked like you were having
a crazy dream.
1442
01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:30,275
What?
1443
01:31:30,480 --> 01:31:33,950
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds, but I do sometimes.
1444
01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:38,916
I'm back in the store?
1445
01:31:42,320 --> 01:31:45,676
I'm young again. I'm young again.
1446
01:31:45,880 --> 01:31:47,757
Well, I mean,
you're not "young" young.
1447
01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:49,678
I'm young.
You're kind of on the back nine.
1448
01:31:49,880 --> 01:31:53,031
No, no. No. I'm just teeing off, baby.
1449
01:31:53,240 --> 01:31:54,639
Look at you.
1450
01:31:54,840 --> 01:31:58,310
You want a friend? You want a friend?
I'll be your friend, baby.
1451
01:31:58,520 --> 01:32:01,034
I'll be your friend. I'll be your...
1452
01:32:02,360 --> 01:32:04,590
Oh, my God!
1453
01:32:07,960 --> 01:32:10,394
Yes, my crappy car!
1454
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:13,831
You mediocre, middle-class
piece of shit!
1455
01:32:14,040 --> 01:32:15,712
I love you!
1456
01:32:24,520 --> 01:32:28,229
Pop, Pop. Pop.
There he is. There he is.
1457
01:32:28,440 --> 01:32:30,510
- What's wrong? What happened?
- Nothing's wrong.
1458
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:33,518
Everything's incredible, Ma.
I just wanted to tell you I love you.
1459
01:32:33,720 --> 01:32:35,199
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
1460
01:32:35,400 --> 01:32:38,551
You gotta tell me how you do
the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
1461
01:32:38,760 --> 01:32:40,398
A magician never reveals
his secrets.
1462
01:32:40,600 --> 01:32:42,955
However, if you invite us over
for dinner more...
1463
01:32:43,160 --> 01:32:46,470
You come over tomorrow night, and
the night after that. Any time you want.
1464
01:32:46,680 --> 01:32:49,558
- Stop, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
- No, I have the heart attacks.
1465
01:32:49,760 --> 01:32:52,479
Thank you so much for giving
birth to me, I know it hurt. Okay?
1466
01:32:52,680 --> 01:32:55,990
You have no idea. But, honey, please,
stay off the bong pipe.
1467
01:32:56,200 --> 01:32:58,270
I can't promise you that.
1468
01:32:59,840 --> 01:33:03,355
Okay. I'm up.
1469
01:33:03,560 --> 01:33:05,232
What do you think?
1470
01:33:06,400 --> 01:33:08,994
If you massage me first.
1471
01:33:09,200 --> 01:33:11,191
Okay, let's go to sleep.
1472
01:33:26,760 --> 01:33:30,639
Mom, wake up!
There's a crazy noise downstairs.
1473
01:33:34,440 --> 01:33:35,589
What the heck is going on?
1474
01:33:36,080 --> 01:33:38,275
Hey, do you mind?
I am trying to concentrate.
1475
01:33:38,480 --> 01:33:40,118
Here I am, staying up all night...
1476
01:33:40,320 --> 01:33:43,596
...trying to come up with activities
for our Fourth of July camping trip...
1477
01:33:43,800 --> 01:33:45,028
...but you won't let me think!
1478
01:33:45,240 --> 01:33:49,153
You want time to think? Why don't you
think about the fact that you just wo...
1479
01:33:51,800 --> 01:33:52,869
What did you just say?
1480
01:33:53,080 --> 01:33:55,753
Yes, you heard me.
If you keep up this weird attitude...
1481
01:33:55,960 --> 01:33:59,032
...I won't be able to work for a year
and have to plan 10 more vacations.
1482
01:33:59,240 --> 01:34:01,754
- That make you happy?
- Did you eat a bad Yodel?
1483
01:34:01,960 --> 01:34:02,949
Give me those big lips.
1484
01:34:05,120 --> 01:34:07,839
- What's going on down here?
- Ben. Ben!
1485
01:34:08,040 --> 01:34:09,359
Come here. Oh, my God.
1486
01:34:09,560 --> 01:34:11,869
I missed you, I missed you.
Look at you, boy.
1487
01:34:12,080 --> 01:34:14,992
I'm gonna finish the tree house.
We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
1488
01:34:15,200 --> 01:34:18,033
From now on, we're gonna exercise
and I'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
1489
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:19,229
- All right!
- All right.
1490
01:34:19,440 --> 01:34:22,637
And you. Nice jump! I love you.
1491
01:34:22,840 --> 01:34:25,434
One day, you are gonna be
the hottest chick alive.
1492
01:34:25,640 --> 01:34:26,959
But you still gotta have brains.
1493
01:34:27,160 --> 01:34:28,991
So tomorrow I'm gonna
teach you calculus.
1494
01:34:29,200 --> 01:34:30,315
You know calculus?
1495
01:34:30,520 --> 01:34:32,795
I knew you'd call me on that.
Your mom will teach you.
1496
01:34:33,000 --> 01:34:35,594
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow
we're going camping!
1497
01:34:35,800 --> 01:34:37,472
I know! It's gonna be the best!
1498
01:34:37,680 --> 01:34:40,194
- Put a sweater on! Don't take it off!
- Okay, Daddy.
1499
01:34:40,400 --> 01:34:41,833
Oh, and Sundance!
1500
01:34:42,040 --> 01:34:46,272
Doggie years go by very quick,
so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
1501
01:34:48,160 --> 01:34:50,310
Yeah, go get some, baby.
1502
01:35:04,760 --> 01:35:07,593
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1503
01:35:08,920 --> 01:35:11,753
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
1504
01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:18,911
They told me at the pet store
it was a female.
1505
01:35:19,120 --> 01:35:20,394
They lied to me, I guess.
1506
01:35:22,600 --> 01:35:25,672
- You staying downstairs tonight?
- Why? That's getting you going?
1507
01:35:26,720 --> 01:35:30,554
It's Fourth of July,
I'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
1508
01:35:30,760 --> 01:35:35,072
Take my time, massage her,
make sure she is fully satisfied.
1509
01:35:35,280 --> 01:35:39,034
But you know, it isn't
the Fourth of July, it's only the 2nd.
1510
01:35:39,240 --> 01:35:42,596
That's even better.
Happy 2nd of July, honey.
1511
01:35:42,800 --> 01:35:44,518
- Think I like this holiday.
- Yeah?
1512
01:35:44,720 --> 01:35:47,075
I'm gonna go change
into my Pocahontas costume.
1513
01:35:47,280 --> 01:35:50,909
- I'll see you upstairs.
- I'll bring the duck.
1514
01:35:51,120 --> 01:35:54,749
Okay, I gotta call my dad
and tell him to get the old tent ready.
1515
01:36:15,880 --> 01:36:18,952
"Like I said,
'Good guys need a break.'
1516
01:36:19,720 --> 01:36:22,792
I know you'll do
the right thing this time.
1517
01:36:23,000 --> 01:36:25,355
Love, Morty.
1518
01:36:25,840 --> 01:36:27,114
P. S:
1519
01:36:27,320 --> 01:36:30,915
Your wife's rocking body
still drives me crazy."
1520
01:36:31,600 --> 01:36:33,636
Okay, Morty.
1521
01:36:55,840 --> 01:36:58,274
Hey, who wants
to have a pillow fight?