1 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:52,975 MALCOLM: Help me get her in the car, Ray! 2 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,760 RAY: Okay, but this bitch heavy as hell, cuz! 3 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,295 MALCOLM: Nigga, get your hands off her ass! 4 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,215 RAY: Let me finger gangbang her at least, homie! 5 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,455 MALCOLM: Just help me get her to the hospital! 6 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,575 RAY: Okay, one finger then! MALCOLM: Ray! 7 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,695 (ENGINE STARTS) 8 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,495 RAY: All right, but we ain't goin' inside, homie. 9 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,249 We gonna go around the emergency loop, 10 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,015 roll her ass out like we do all the homies 11 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,565 that get shot in the hood, homie. 12 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,564 Why you snuff her fine ass anyway, homie? I wanted to bone, cuz. 13 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,768 She was possessed, Ray! Possessed? 14 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,495 Possessed like head spinnin' around 15 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:16,760 vomitin' everywhere, possessed? 16 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,335 Or like possessed like Kanye 17 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,600 when you take a picture of him? 18 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,295 Just drive like you got warrants, please! 19 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:22,321 Nigga, I do got warrants! 20 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,404 Look! These right here! Jaywalkin'! 21 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,040 For eating grapes in the grocery store without payin' for 'em! 22 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,095 Shavin' my dog's balls in public. 23 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,849 Drivin' with my hands off the wheel, cuz. 24 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,495 I be ghost-ridin' my whip, cuz. 25 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,975 I like doin' that shit, homie. 26 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,571 An altercation with my moms, homie, but she provoked me, cuz! 27 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,935 Ray-Ray, I think she's waking. All right, here! Take this 28 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,895 and pistol-whip her with the butt of the gun. 29 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,490 I'm not pistol-whippin' my girlfriend! 30 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,095 All right, nigga, well, you drive and I'll pistol-whip that bitch! 31 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,375 (GROWLS) (GROANING) 32 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,811 Kisha, resist! 33 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,445 (IN DEMONIC VOICE) But you didn't! 34 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,968 I've seen you for the bitch that you are, Malcolm. (SHUSHING) 35 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,529 What's she talkin' about, homie? Booty pirates! 36 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,724 Nothing, she's possessed, man. That's right, you fucker! 37 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,975 He's a Ghostbuster! 38 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,729 That sound real suspect back there, homie. 39 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,375 Was you in juvie, cuz? 40 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,482 If you don't cry, you ain't no bitch in there, homie. 41 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:11,769 I didn't cry. Doodles on they dick. Joke's on them, cuz. 42 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,207 By the powers vested to me, 43 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,561 that somebody gave me while I was locked up... 44 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,405 Who are you? It's Father Williams, homie. 45 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,455 She do a mean impression of that nigga, cuz. 46 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,562 I do a mean impression of The Butler. Check it. 47 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,935 "I'm here for the boss. I'm here to serve the boss." 48 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,255 Who are you? I'm Forest Whitaker, homie. 49 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,415 From the movie that's like The Help, 50 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,095 but he didn't doo-doo in the pie, homie. 51 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,455 Ray, I'm not talkin' to you! I'm talkin' to Kisha. 52 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,535 (GROANS) Ray! 53 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,575 Are you gonna let that bitch choke you out, cuz? 54 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,648 You a bitch, homie... (GROWLING) 55 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,095 Get the fuck off me! 56 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,009 (PANTING) Kisha! Kisha! 57 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,935 Oh, shit, she breathed in my face, homie. 58 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,849 I'll get the bird flu, it's contagious... 59 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,175 She blacked out, Ray. 60 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,201 Hurry, we don't have much time! 61 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,970 Get us to the hospital. Hurry! (SEATBELT WARNING BEEPING) 62 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,561 Ray? Ray? (ACCELERATING) 63 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,615 (HORN BLARING) Oh, shit! 64 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,641 (SCREAMING) (CRASHING) 65 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,287 Oh, my God! Kisha? Kisha! 66 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,801 Ray? 67 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,645 (SOBBING) Ray! 68 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,360 (SCREAMS) 69 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,575 It's a good thing I drank that Hennessy earlier. 70 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,965 I can't feel shit, homie! 71 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,455 I think Kisha's dead. 72 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,528 Good! Let's get the fuck outta here, homie! 73 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,123 Listen. We were never here. 74 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,644 I'm with you, cuz. All right. Deuces! 75 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,849 We ghost hunters! 76 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,530 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 77 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,120 MALCOLM: I don't know about this place, baby. 78 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,375 MEGAN: You've said that about every house we looked at. 79 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,455 There's just something creepy about this place, like... 80 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,640 Give me the heebie-jeebies... 81 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,768 Like somethin' bad happened in here. 82 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,402 Well, I love it. And I love you. 83 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,895 There you go, bribin' me with vagina. Whatever works. 84 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,495 Know when I'm weak. 85 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,931 Disgusting. 86 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,295 Oh, it's disgusting when we do it, 87 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,255 but when you kissing the whole entire sophomore class, 88 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,281 it's cool, huh? 89 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,602 Give me that damn camera, you little gnat! 90 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,215 Oh, finger. Real creative. Wow. 91 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,321 MEGAN: Cut her some slack. 92 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,695 She's just goin' through a phase. 93 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,529 MALCOLM: Yeah, a phase. It's called "whore." 94 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,764 Look at that. Last a lifetime. Malcolm, stop! 95 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,495 MALCOLM: No, see, that's a phase. 96 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,735 MEGAN: Looks like he met an imaginary friend. 97 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:22,807 It's normal. 98 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,535 What you doin' there, buddy? 99 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,925 Want to help me load some boxes? 100 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,003 Cool! All right. My man! 101 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,735 (GRUNTING) Sorry, Malcolm. I can't. 102 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:31,921 MALCOLM: Why not? 103 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,851 Tony says, "Aw, hell no! I ain't yo' slave!" 104 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,975 Is it me or does his imaginary friend sound black? 105 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,001 Pretty progressive. 106 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,895 MEGAN: Why don't you and your friend go play? 107 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:42,967 Okay. 108 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,495 That game sounds like fun! 109 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:46,851 (GROANS) MALCOLM: Oh! 110 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,966 I don't like the tripping game, Tony. 111 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,963 Look at all that sexy. Come here. Give me a kiss. 112 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,646 Let's piss off your forefathers. 113 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,250 (CHUCKLES) 114 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,935 Malcolm, it's 2013. Interracial relationships are not a big deal anymore. 115 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,375 Yeah, you tell that to the sistas. 116 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,481 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 117 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,961 You know, they be like, "I know he didn't!" 118 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,642 "He did not kiss that pasty ass white bitch!" Pasty? 119 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,855 "Yes! Not with them old thin ass lips." 120 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,455 "Look at them, look like baloney slices!" 121 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,495 "Uh-uh. See he straight scrippin'" 122 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,975 "and it don't make no damn sense." 123 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,095 (DOG BARKING) Come here, Shiloh Junior. 124 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,246 There's my baby boy. 125 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,855 MEGAN: (CHUCKLES) I still can't believe 126 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,689 you named our dog Shiloh Junior. 127 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,128 Well, I was gonna name him Shiloh Two or Shiloh the Sequel, 128 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,767 but he wouldn't answer to those, so, Shiloh Junior it is. 129 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,764 C'mon! Hey, come on, Shiloh Junior. 130 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,055 Hey, babe, are you gettin' this? 131 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,175 MEGAN: I really don't understand 132 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,531 your obsession with all these cameras. 133 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,762 Hey, you can never have too many cameras, okay? 134 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,055 Hey, Shiloh! Come on, baby. (DOG WHIMPERING) 135 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,889 You ready to go see your new house, Shiloh Junior? 136 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,850 Come on, Shiloh Junior. Shiloh Junior! Hey, get inside. 137 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,215 Don't make me put bass in my voice. 138 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,969 Hey! Shiloh! (BARKING) 139 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,969 God, I don't know what's wrong with him. 140 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,924 (SCREAMS) 141 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,401 Oh, fucking... 142 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,415 Oh, shit! Oh, breathe! 143 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,727 Come on, Shiloh! Don't go towards the light! 144 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,535 Call 9-1-1. 145 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,642 Tell 'em the dog is white! Tell 'em the dog is white! 146 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,808 Oh, God. I got a pulse. 147 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,201 Breathe! Shiloh, like this. (PANTING) 148 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,640 (STRAINING) 149 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,015 (BACK CRACKS) 150 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,646 Fuck! Oh, my back! Oh, my fuckin' back! 151 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,245 Please, help me! 152 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,601 (STRAINING) 153 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,885 (SCREAMING) 154 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,201 My fuckin' dog is a pancake! 155 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,725 (BLOWING) 156 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,330 Get me a goddamn pump! 157 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,324 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 158 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,935 It's working! Come on! 159 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,485 (CHUCKLING) 160 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,524 (SCREAMING) 161 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,208 Meet me at the hospital! 162 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,490 The hospital's that way! 163 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,166 MALCOLM: So young, never had a chance to lick his balls. 164 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,005 I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good. 165 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,050 You know, I'm just so happy I got to spend time with... 166 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,602 It's just every time I try and say the name... (SOBS) 167 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,775 (PANTING) 168 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,564 (BREATHING DEEPLY) 169 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,602 (SOBBING) Shiloh! 170 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,203 Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God! 171 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,335 It's tingly in... 172 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,124 (SCREAMING) Oh, God! 173 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,690 I'm goin' with you! Oh, God! It's time to go bye-bye. 174 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,963 (SCREAMING) Shiloh! 175 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,122 Junior. (SPITS) 176 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,527 Hey. 177 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,455 I bet you could put a whole lot of birth control in that. 178 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,811 I really hate you. 179 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,043 That's what your daddy said. That's why the nigga gone. 180 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,735 What've you got there? 181 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,808 Just an old box that I found in the basement. 182 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,042 Don't you think we should return it to the prior owners? 183 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,495 If they wanted it, they would've taken it 184 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,329 in the first place. Ooh. (SIGHS) 185 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,406 Okay, look, Becky, I'm not your dad. 186 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,082 I'm just the guy that's like... Your mom. 187 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,641 So I'll make you a deal. I'll let you keep the box 188 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,844 if you promise to try and make this work between me and you, okay? 189 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,401 It's for your mom. Fine. 190 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,889 I think we're gettin' somewhere. 191 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,048 (LAWNMOWER WHIRRING) (SPEAKING SPANISH) 192 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,135 I'm just messin' with you, Bro. 193 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,241 Oh, shit! (BOTH LAUGHING) 194 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,895 I just do that when I'm talkin' to Negritos. It's all good. 195 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,415 Did he just call me a nigger? What's goin' on, Bro? 196 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,522 I just moved in with my girl right here 197 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,815 and we was just wonderin' MEGAN: Hi. 198 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:37,895 Maybe if you want to add us to your route? 199 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,049 Are you serious? Dude, I live here, Puto! It's my house! 200 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,009 Oh, shit! I'm sorry. MEGAN: Oh, my God. 201 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,415 I just assumed... You got the gloves and the hat, 202 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,885 and the lawnmower and the truck. 203 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,328 Oh, 'cause I'm Mexican I must be José! Are you? 204 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,935 No, fool! My name is Miguel! 205 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:52,961 Is that your truck? 206 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,686 Yeah, that's my truck! MALCOLM: Then who's Jose? 207 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,735 That's my middle name. You wanna guess my last name? 208 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,935 No, no, no. Oh, come on. 209 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,255 You guys are here, you might as well. 210 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,335 I don't know. Rodriguez? 211 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,415 That's racist, Bro. 212 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,044 You asked... Did he ask me or what? 213 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,123 (LAUGHING) I'm just fuckin' with you! 214 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:10,490 For the record, my name is Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez... 215 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,161 Smith. 216 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,655 Wait, wait, wait. MEGAN: What? 217 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,808 Your last name is Smith? 218 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,361 Yeah, I'm Mexican on my mom's side. 219 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,724 So, why is there Gonzalez on your truck? 220 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,360 Shit, would you trust your garden to a guy named Smith? 221 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,855 True. True. Huh? 222 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,723 Hey, my name is Malcolm, Bro. (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 223 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,375 I bet your last name is Johnson. 224 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,925 See, that's some racist shit! 225 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,924 Am I right? But you're right! 226 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,888 Nice to meet you, man. Yeah, it's a pleasure meeting you! 227 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,375 MEGAN: Nice to meet you. Tuesdays. I can cut your grass on Tuesdays. 228 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,735 What can I say, I'm a gardener by ethnic default. 229 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,761 (LAUGHING) 230 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,135 Be good, negrito! 231 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,242 (MACHINE STARTS) Watch out, güera! (LAUGHING) 232 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,815 MALCOLM: Hey. What? 233 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:48,975 You gon' try and tease a brother? 234 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,081 That's an invite? 235 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,241 Come here, let's do the quickie. 236 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,930 One, two, (GRUNTS) I'm done. 237 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,975 What's that? What? 238 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,968 Oh! That's Abigail. Ew. 239 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,975 I found her in the wardrobe that was left here. 240 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,175 Yeah, well, put it back. 241 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,009 Hey, stop! She's creepy! 242 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,168 We look alike. Yeah, same eyes and pigtails. 243 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,368 Wait, no, no, don't put it on the bed! 244 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,646 (PANTING) 245 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:19,961 Hey. 246 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,451 How you doin'? 247 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,095 You ain't gonna say nothin', huh? 248 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,521 (CHUCKLES) Girl, you stupid. 249 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,406 You don't want none of this? Come here. 250 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,767 Oh, I can't play with it but you can. 251 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,404 You gonna bite my lip? Take that! 252 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,575 You fuckin' like this! 253 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,375 Uh-huh. It was gonna come. 254 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,004 (CHUCKLING) It was gonna come! 255 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,451 (MOANING) 256 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,775 Just wanna put the tip in. I'm gonna put the tip in... 257 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,643 Ah! Ahh! Ahh! 258 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,081 (GROANING) 259 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,122 Look at that. Mmm. Uh-huh. 260 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,050 Mmm, yeah. 261 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,489 You got that goody. Bite the pillow, bite that fuckin' pillow. 262 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,290 (MOANING) 263 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,335 (SLURPING) 264 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,330 You gonna eat my butt now. Oh, shit! 265 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,241 (LAUGHING) Nigga, she... She lickin' that. 266 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,215 You taste like doo-doo. But I love it! 267 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,735 You on the pill? I don't want to get you pregnant. 268 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,055 You wanna make little doll babies? 269 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,415 They gonna have my eyes with your eyes... 270 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,335 Oh, you gonna give me splinters! 271 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,486 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 272 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,847 (GRUNTING) 273 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,415 Fuck this shit. I wanna cry! It feels so... 274 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:29,771 (SCREAMING) 275 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,175 (GASPING) 276 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,407 Don't look. Don't look. Hold on a second. 277 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:40,963 This side is wet with soap, this one is dry. 278 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,455 I'll clean you up, baby. 279 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:46,041 I mighta leaked in you. I don't know if I came, I leaked a little bit. 280 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,775 That's all right. You ain't even ovulatin'. 281 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,484 Why you trippin'? Come on, stop worrying. 282 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,045 (SNORING) 283 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,202 MEGAN: Honey, we're home! Oh, shit! You gotta go! 284 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,244 Shit! No! MEGAN: Malcolm! 285 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,775 Hi, honey! Um... 286 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,200 MEGAN: Hey, where are you? (PANTING) 287 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,242 You gotta go! We... I'm just upstairs! 288 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,402 You gotta get outta here. 289 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,411 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 290 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,165 Fuck! 291 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,129 Ah! Shit! 292 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,161 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 293 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:26,807 Mmm. 294 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,607 "Hanging out." 295 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,322 Sounds a little soft for my taste, but... Fuck it. 296 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,251 Yeah, I don't think this is right. 297 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,362 Maybe I should download the manual. 298 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,729 (INAUDIBLE) 299 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,247 (GRUNTS) 300 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,367 What the... 301 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,966 (GROWLING) 302 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,565 Great. Get up here. 303 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,365 (STRAINING) 304 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,561 (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) 305 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,046 (GROANS) 306 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,255 Can't breathe. Can't breathe. 307 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,964 Cut the camera. Turn the camera off. 308 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,690 (GASPS) Wow. 309 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,248 I seen some shit, but that was... That was crazy! 310 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,568 A demonic figure tried to hang a family in the backyard. 311 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,215 I gotta keep this from Megan and the kids. 312 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,695 Is it weird that I was aroused by this? 313 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,695 Why is my dick bending in my jeans? 314 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,290 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 315 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,166 Hello? Hello? (GIRL SINGING FAINTLY) 316 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,295 Twinkle, twinkle little star 317 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,482 Who is this? Hello! 318 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,602 It's a nigger. 319 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,160 MALCOLM: Oh, that's a ugly motherfucker. 320 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,124 Is that Steven Tyler? 321 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:10,806 (SIGHS) 322 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,886 What the hell? Same tree! 323 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,445 (GROWLS) (SCREAMS) 324 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,524 Shit! Kisha? 325 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,645 (BOTH SCREAMING) 326 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,082 Megan, what you doing? I almost dumped the fuck out you! 327 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,040 You got to holler at me! You can't just be walkin' up. 328 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,522 You gotta give me like a "whoop-ti-whoo," a "kakow!" or a "tsh-tsh"! 329 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,055 Just make your own up. Please announce yourself! 330 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,095 Honey, you look like you've seen a ghost. 331 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,963 I think I did. 332 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,335 Wait. So now I look like a ghost. 333 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,805 Excuse me, where you goin' with this? 334 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,202 So now I'm too pasty for you? 335 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,295 Malcolm, I can't do anything about that! What do you mean? 336 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,615 Unless you want me to get skin cancer from the sun. 337 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,295 And deep nasty wrinkles, and then they'll have to give me chemo 338 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,846 and I'll lose all my hair, and then I'll look like a nasty bald raisin! 339 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,455 Is that what you want? Is that what you want? 340 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,051 No! I don't want you to look like a raisin! 341 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,095 I don't like the raisin! I don't like to date raisins! 342 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,055 I don't like the raisins on Morgan Freeman's face! 343 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,295 I just don't like raisins. 344 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,055 I don't like the new ones that Obama got, 345 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,411 the young raisins on his face! 346 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,975 I don't like raisins. 347 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,209 So please, don't look like a raisin. 348 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,843 I need to go meditate and get my chi back in alignment. 349 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,361 What chi? You were just... 350 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,406 (SIGHS) 351 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,931 (SIGHS) 352 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:35,495 Ah! Ahh! 353 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,046 Walk to the light! It's bedtime. 354 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,415 What you all dressed up for? 355 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,646 We goin' to a club? Mmm-mmm. 356 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,175 Foam party? No. 357 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,175 We goin' to a pajama jammy jam? Just bed. 358 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,255 Come on, Megan. 359 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,089 You gotta be more comfortable with this relationship... 360 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,363 You're right. Put on some sweat pants and some... 361 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,683 Oh, my Jesus Lord! Um, you're naked! 362 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,455 I am. Oh, wow. 363 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,007 I like being naked, though. I could be naked all day. 364 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,209 All day? But come on, that's not practical, hon. 365 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,535 You got a job. 366 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,564 You don't wanna be on the bus naked or in Starbucks naked. 367 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,207 Why not? 'Cause that coffee spill on you, it's hot! 368 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,735 It's gonna leave a scar. 369 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:11,935 Melt one of your nipples off or somethin'. 370 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:12,961 Hey, hey, hey. 371 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,566 The camera's on, baby. 372 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,566 Good. Just make sure you film my good side. 373 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,884 What the fuck? Are you serious? 374 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,243 We gonna get all angles on that... Oh, shit. 375 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,563 Baby, your creepy doll is makin' my dick scared. 376 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,255 Just let her watch. 377 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,250 You just said the right type of nasty shit! 378 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,805 (TAPE FAST FORWARDING) 379 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,244 (PANTING) Oh, God! I gotta replenish my fluids. 380 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,922 After round two. 381 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,445 (TAPE FAST FORWARDING) 382 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,575 (PANTING) Whoo! Ah! Whoo! 383 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,080 That was wild. MEGAN: Come on, Malcolm. 384 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,442 (PANTING) What, aren't you done yet? 385 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,290 (MEGAN MOANING) 386 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,295 I am now. Ready for round three? Seriously... 387 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:05,810 (TAPE FAST FORWARDING) 388 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,175 (PANTING) 389 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,255 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 390 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,415 Oh, my God! 391 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,283 Baby, you gotta train for some shit like this! 392 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,975 Come on, Malcolm, bell's ringing. 393 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,126 Time for round four. 394 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,965 No, no, baby. My ding-ding is knocked out cold. 395 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,175 I can't do it. 396 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,415 Corner's throwin' in the towel! 397 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,441 Let's go, Malcolm. 398 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,295 I gotta get some Enswell if we keep goin'! 399 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,695 Malcolm. Wait, no, baby! 400 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:26,721 (SCREAMING) 401 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,655 Right now she is tearin' me up! 402 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,284 (MEGAN MOANING) Oh, my God! 403 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,810 Aw! 404 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,081 Want me to choke you? (CHOKING) 405 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,486 Is that what you like? Huh? Huh? 406 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,324 Stop being a bitch! (GROANS) 407 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,775 Yeah! Come on! 408 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,962 Oh! You want some of this? (LAUGHING EVILLY) 409 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,322 You like that? It's kind of like a blindfold 410 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,975 except you can't fuckin' breathe! Huh? Are you crying? 411 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,490 That thing just moved! 412 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,535 MEGAN: Except you can't fuckin' breathe! 413 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,483 Thing was watching! 414 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:58,008 You little... Who was watching? 415 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,162 Oh, baby, come here. Check this out! 416 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,489 Oh, my God! 417 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,775 Did you see it? 418 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,135 How could I not? I thought I was trippin'! 419 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,255 I am so fat! Look at me! 420 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,169 I look like a huge blubber ass! 421 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,895 I'm like Miss Piggy in there! 422 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,160 What're you talking about? 423 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,975 You said you were gonna shoot my good side. 424 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,335 I did shoot your good side. 425 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,895 Look, I got all that ass up in... 426 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,206 Look at all that ass, girl. 427 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,335 I'm black, brothers like an ass. 428 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,364 You know I do mean that as a compliment, right? 429 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,335 I see what's going on. 430 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,655 You hate my vagina! You think it's too loose! 431 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,335 It's not! It's only on the outside, 432 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,415 but once you choose a wall, it's pretty damn tight. 433 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,375 You know what, Malcolm, I have had two kids! 434 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,335 I mean, do you think the stork just dropped 'em off 435 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,361 on the doorstep? 436 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,335 No! You're knocked up for nine months 437 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,335 and then your lady parts are stretched to limits 438 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,647 you cannot even fathom! 439 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,280 Okay, baby. I think your vagina's cute. 440 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,211 Erase the tape or we are never having sex again. 441 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,408 Well, since you put it that way. Erase the tape! 442 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,600 Okay, I'm erasin' the tape! I want to see you do it. 443 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,087 I'm erasing the tape. I'm erasing it. Erase it right now! Do it! 444 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,735 It's erasing. Baby, I like the way it sounds. Erase the tape! 445 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,895 It's not loose! I like the way it sounds! 446 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,285 Sound like a blown speaker. Just... 447 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,886 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 448 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,560 You know, it's kinda like Doug E. Fresh's beatbox. 449 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,769 When I'm hittin' it. It's just... (BEAT BOXING) 450 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,535 Mmm... (MESSAGE DINGS) 451 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,246 Who the hell's hittin' me? Abigail? (GASPS) 452 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,815 You got a page? 453 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,810 "In a relationship with Malcolm Johnson"? 454 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,403 I only hit it once! 27,000 views? (CELL PHONE BUZZING) 455 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,495 What in the hell? 456 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:32,575 (GASPS) 457 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,762 I think I might've fucked the wrong bitch. 458 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,448 Now she's blowin' up my cell phone? Look at that. 459 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,207 Straight up stalker! She's crazy! 460 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,768 Listen, it's time to turn my camera game up a level. 461 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,124 I'm talkin' bathrooms, countertops, computers, 462 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,095 stuffed animals, mouths and asses! 463 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:55,408 It's goin' down everywhere! I'm gonna live. 464 00:19:56,280 --> 00:20:00,444 Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you. 465 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,801 Uh-huh. Perfect. Yeah, and I got the ass, too. 466 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,775 All inconspicuous. 467 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:07,801 (CHUCKLES) 468 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,327 Told you, cameras everywhere. 469 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,495 Hey, Becky, wanna play Hide and Clap? 470 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,806 BECKY: Fuck off! 471 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,531 That's, "No, thank you." 472 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,975 Let's do this. Oh, lady's blindfold. 473 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,640 You got this out your momma's room, right? 474 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,331 Oh, boy. Things me and your momma do with this! 475 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:29,327 Sometimes she ties my hands and flip me over and toss that... Salad. 476 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,482 Tony likes salad. Anyway. 477 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,802 I'll put this on. Let's do it! 478 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:38,131 One, two, three. First clap! 479 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,241 (CLAPPING) 480 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,484 Come on. Give me a clap. 481 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,841 Okay. 482 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,484 Yeah, I'm gettin' close. I smell you. I smell you. 483 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,685 You smell like kids, like worms, coins and doo-doo. Like... 484 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,330 (SCREAMING) Shit! 485 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,121 (COUGHING) 486 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,764 Can we just play Tag next time? I just wanna play Tag. 487 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,969 Wyatt? Wyatt? 488 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,207 Where you at, you little shit? 489 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,371 (CREAKING) 490 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,362 Third clap. 491 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,201 A-ha! 492 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,606 (LAUGHS) 493 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,680 I got you, Wyatt. 494 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,041 (WYATT CHUCKLING) 495 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,528 I win! You took your blindfold off. 496 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,882 You're right, Tony. Malcolm is an idiot. 497 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,202 Take your camera, loser. 498 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,200 Yeah, I wanna learn how to start a fire. 499 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,728 What the hell was that? 500 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,406 I coulda swore... 501 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,891 Shit! 502 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,242 Fucked you up! 503 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,404 Fuck, are you crazy? You know who the fuck I is? 504 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,403 MEGAN: Malcolm! Baby? 505 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:58,815 Oh, my God! 506 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,015 You can't be jumpin' out on brothers like that. 507 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,724 You'll get knocked the fuck out every time. 508 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,571 It was supposed to be a joke! You okay? 509 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,255 'Cause I fucked you up! 510 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,487 Like, I hit you with the force, like with the follow-through. 511 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,331 I wanna instant replay that shit. Damn! 512 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,403 'Cause you got froze. You went... 513 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,048 "Please help me." 514 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,568 God, I hope this works. 515 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,124 What is that thing? 516 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,124 That is not human. 517 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,805 That was weird. 518 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:18,886 (WHISTLING) 519 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:24,881 A-ha! 520 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,135 I caught your ass! 521 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,650 No, you didn't. 522 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,490 Oh, shit! 523 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,695 MALE VOICE: Becky... It's your box. 524 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,006 What? 525 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:51,001 I want you to touch me. 526 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:52,846 Mmm. 527 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,362 Okay. 528 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,285 Not that box. 529 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,682 You know I love you and those kids, right? Yeah. 530 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,015 And I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep you guys protected. 531 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,326 Yeah. 532 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,088 What was that? What? 533 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:20,361 (CREAKING) 534 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,564 That! The wind? 535 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,281 Nigga, the windows are closed! Okay? 536 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,562 I'm tellin' you, that was either a ghost or a demon. 537 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,768 Or maybe it was a demon pregnant with a ghost. 538 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,402 Oh, this is cute! 539 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,806 I will so wear this, all day, every day. 540 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,335 (GASPS) What if it's a burglar? 541 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,931 Why the fuck are you excited? It's a burglar! 542 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,055 Either way it goes, it's some scary shit! 543 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,003 Okay, not all burglars are scary. 544 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,566 It is a burglar or a ghost! If you talk to him, he'll leave. 545 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,375 You shoot it in the face! If you talk to him, he'll leave. 546 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,895 And if the motherfucker's foot do this, you shoot him in the face again! 547 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,605 That is way too harsh. What're you gonna do? 548 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,081 I know what I'm gonna do. What're you gonna do? 549 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,401 Shoot him. 550 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,727 You are not allowed to shoot anyone in the face, mister! 551 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,726 Becky? 552 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,125 What in the... Becky! Oh, God! 553 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,165 Becky! Becky! 554 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,529 Megan! Oh, my God! 555 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,365 Get me somethin', Megan! Becky! 556 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,404 (VACUUM WHIRRING) 557 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:36,935 (SLURPING SOUND) 558 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,804 That shit's gross. That fuckin' sound, it bothers me. 559 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,166 Gimme! 560 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,366 (GRUNTING) 561 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,281 Oh! 562 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,211 That's all I got! Okay, gimme! 563 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,490 Get that thing outta here! I got an idea! 564 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,804 Come on! Bitch, why ain't you movin'? Fuck! 565 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,645 See, now this is a good idea. 566 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,802 All right. Goodnight, Becky. 567 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,880 MEGAN: Night, sweetheart. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) 568 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,775 MALCOLM: Hey, buddy, what you doin'? 569 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,325 Havin' a tea party. Oh. 570 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,135 You wanna go outside and do somethin' a little bit more masculine? 571 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,926 Like play some football? No, not really. 572 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,162 Hey, don't sit there! That's Tony's seat! 573 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,050 MALCOLM: Oh, sorry. 574 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,168 My bad, Tony. 575 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:39,009 Tony says, "No problem, bee-yotch." Want some tea? 576 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,204 Uh... Yeah. Sure. 577 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:47,367 Um, you know, Wyatt, about your little buddy, Tony. 578 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:52,209 I don't think he's such a good influence on you, know what I mean? 579 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,810 What the... That's straight vodka! Tony calls it tea. 580 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,407 He drinks a lot of tea. 581 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,280 I really think you guys need to stop this friendship. 582 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,415 Tony doesn't think that's such a good idea. 583 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,695 You know what, you tell Tony 584 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,725 that I said you and him ain't gonna be friends no more, and that's final! 585 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,091 (SHRIEKS) 586 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,647 On second thought, you and Tony have a beautiful friendship. 587 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,407 Okay, I'll be downstairs doin' somethin' with less spooky shit. (SCREAMS) 588 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,084 This isn't good. It's happening again. 589 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,882 It's really fuckin' happening. 590 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,401 (POUNDING ON DOOR) 591 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,324 MALCOLM: What the fuck? 592 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,684 Who is it? 593 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,685 (POUNDING ON DOOR) (SCREAMS) 594 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:46,571 Hello? 595 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,967 That's a spooky knock. 596 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,364 Oh, you better run! 597 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,655 Knock on my door, come out there and slap you... (POUNDING ON DOOR) 598 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:57,735 (SCREAMS) 599 00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,364 What the fuck! 600 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:01,524 I got a knife! 601 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:05,601 (YELLS) 602 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,285 What the... 603 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,089 "Miss me?" Abigail! 604 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,687 Oh, hell no! Look, we gotta talk. 605 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,287 This is a mistake, okay? This shit gotta stop. It's gone too far. 606 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,884 You see this? "Miss me?" In the house with Megan, are you fuckin' crazy? 607 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,931 I take full responsibility, all right? This is my bad. 608 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,811 I don't mean to sound clichéd. It's not you, it's me. 609 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,775 Don't play fuckin' innocent with me, 610 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,086 you knew I had a girl! 611 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,015 I'm just being selfish right now. 612 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,455 I would love to have you and Megan and... 613 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,455 To be honest with you, my stuffed animals. 614 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:49,970 I'd like to bring them in the mix. 615 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:51,735 I'm tryin' to make this work. 616 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,649 You're just not makin' it easy. 617 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,975 I swear to... Ah! Fuck! 618 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,331 (SCREAMING) 619 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,085 You see what you made me do? Only you do this to me! 620 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,165 Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky my momma told me don't hit bitches! 621 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,935 Fuckin' yeah, bitch. 622 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,450 (SOBBING) 623 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,011 True enough. (LAUGHING) 624 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,527 Fuck, you scare my... I didn't touch you! I didn't touch you! 625 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,003 You get outta my life, I'll get outta yours. I'm done. 626 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,081 (SCREAMING) 627 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,682 Make no mistake. 628 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,730 After this, it's over. 629 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,360 You ready to go again? Yeah. 630 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,855 Hello, Malcolm? 631 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,015 Hey, hey, Professor Wilde, how you doing? 632 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,565 Malcolm, I'm glad you reached out. 633 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,080 What exactly am I dealing with here? 634 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,815 Well, the being you described to me 635 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:53,046 is a demon. 636 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,535 MALCOLM: Fuck, I knew it! 637 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,135 A rare and obscure one 638 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,925 from Babylonian times named Aghoul. 639 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,045 And he's a trickster! 640 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,204 And chances are this is not your first encounter with this demon. 641 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,244 Have you had paranormal experiences in your past? 642 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,402 Actually, yeah. About a year ago. 643 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,843 This is way worse than I had thought... 644 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,495 (LOUD FARTING) (TOILET FLUSHES) 645 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,966 Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! 646 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,081 (FARTING) Ah! 647 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,241 Nigga, I thought somebody was shootin'! Thai food! 648 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,404 It's spicy going in, but it's twice as spicy going out! 649 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,375 That's scientifically impossible! 650 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,449 I smell you in here! What in the hell? 651 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,365 Ah, excuse me. (TOILET FLUSHES) 652 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:32,921 (GRUNTS) 653 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,655 I hire based on skill level. 654 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,920 Are those titties? 655 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,255 Ladies, remember, 656 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,089 we're making meth, not baby aspirin. 657 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,767 All the stories revolve around Aghoul's attempts 658 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,764 to trick people into bringing him into our world 659 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,375 and it can come through the form of a possession, 660 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,255 a spirit that only a child can see 661 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:56,365 or an ancient object that lures in the impressionable. 662 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,215 So what you're saying is, something is coming after me and my family. 663 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:00,605 Malcolm, that's exactly what I'm saying. 664 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,962 Damn it, Jessica, you've got your tit in the pseudoephedrine! 665 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,655 Sorry, Malcolm. I wish you good luck. 666 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,170 Gotta get my Breaking Bad on. 667 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,965 AGHOUL: (LAUGHS) Tonight you drown. 668 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,171 (LAUGHS) 669 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:25,485 Not again. 670 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,169 Sink. Sink. Sink. 671 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:33,895 (EXHALES) 672 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,161 Ruined a perfectly good leather jacket! 673 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:40,006 That's it. (LAUGHING) Now we drown. Drown! 674 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:41,286 Drown! 675 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:43,975 (LAUGHING) 676 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,002 Prepare to meet Hell. (GRUNTS) 677 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:48,644 Ow! God, that hurt! 678 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,161 Ow! Oh! 679 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,006 My balls. This isn't over! 680 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,375 MALCOLM: Is Aghoul the same demon 681 00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,606 that possessed Kisha? 682 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,495 (EXHALES) 683 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,842 When are the Republicans gonna slip 684 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,321 and call Obama the N-word? 685 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:11,530 When are they gonna stop makin' Scary Movies without the Wayans? 686 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:13,490 They fuckin' suck! (CLATTER) 687 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,842 MALCOLM: What the hell? 688 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,051 (MALCOLM GASPS) 689 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:33,280 What the heck... 690 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,364 (SCREAMING) 691 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,685 Steroids, bitch! 692 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:48,884 (GRUNTING) AGGRESSIVELY) 693 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,731 (SCREAMING) 694 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,561 (WHIRRING) (SCREAMING) 695 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,241 You messed with the wrong nigga today! 696 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,643 (ALL SCREAMING) MEGAN: Oh, my God! 697 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,321 Baby, put it down! What are you doing? 698 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,081 I come in the hallway, this fuckin' creepy box 699 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,242 with some weird fuckin' lighting on it! 700 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,928 And I knew that it was death in the box! Sol killed it! 701 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:17,535 Baby, it was a gift! 702 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,369 But it ain't Christmas. 703 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,241 MEGAN: Baby, no. Kwanzaa? 704 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,295 You were so upset when Shiloh Junior died 705 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,891 that the kids and I thought we would get you... 706 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,160 (GROANS) 707 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:33,735 BECKY: Don't look. Don't look. 708 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,684 Oh, my God! Wyatt, go upstairs. Go to your room! 709 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,895 I killed a baby. 710 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,575 (SNIFFLES) Oh, God, I think it's still breathing. 711 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,935 You're so fucking crazy. 712 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:44,121 He's still breathing. 713 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,055 I gotta take him out of his misery. 714 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,605 I gotta kill him! MEGAN: Oh, my God! 715 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,528 No! Malcolm! (BECKY SCREAMING) 716 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,810 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 717 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,644 Becky? 718 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,281 Yoo-hoo. 719 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,644 All right, let's see what's in this box now. 720 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:06,847 Yeah. 721 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,568 (SNIFFS) Oh, God! Whoo! 722 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:12,935 Wow! That is rancid. 723 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,775 What the hell are you doing? Nothing. Just, uh... 724 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,882 You know your pillows have blue faces on 'em? 725 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,041 Stay away from my box! 726 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:20,924 Calm down! Would you calm down? 727 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,520 I don't wanna calm down, I want you to stay away from my box! 728 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:27,122 Do you have to say "box" so loud? What is going on in here? 729 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:28,845 Nothing. We just, uh, playin'. 730 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,803 Dolls 'n stuff. (INHALES) 731 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,401 Malcolm came into my room and touched my box. 732 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:35,575 Malcolm, is this true? 733 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,728 Yes, but I only touched it for like two seconds. 734 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,161 It was stinking! Like, it was rancid! 735 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,055 Here, smell this. I don't know how she play with that! 736 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,084 He had two fingers in my tight little box, Mom. 737 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,055 Stop lyin'. It is... (SCOFFS) 738 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,481 Baby, there's nothin' tight about her box. 739 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,365 It's fuckin' huge! I could put my whole fist in it. 740 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,689 Like, I almost was up to here for a second. It's crazy big. 741 00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,088 You said, "No means no!" And that is exactly what I said. I said, "No!" 742 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:01,201 I did. Whoa. 743 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,527 Time the fuck out. Hold up. (SOBBING) 744 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,010 She's trying to Dateline Special a nigga! 745 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,208 Where's Chris Hansen? Chris! Chris! 746 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,203 Chris, come on, I know you out here somewhere! 747 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,931 I know he's in here somewhere. You tryin' to set a nigga up! 748 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,889 Can I talk to you for a second? Right now. 749 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,055 There's something really strange 750 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,081 goin' on in this house. 751 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,362 Wyatt? Wyatt, see, Wyatt used to be my boy. 752 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:23,371 Like that was my lil' nigga, like we was like, boom, boom. 753 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,127 When my dog died, that lil' nigga held me down! 754 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,886 But lately, he hasn't even talked to me! Like, he won't even play with me! 755 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,535 His little imaginary friend, Tony? 756 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,015 I don't think he's really... 757 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:33,041 (WYATT LAUGHING) 758 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,724 WYATT: You're crazy, Tony. ...imaginary. 759 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,015 Did you see that shit? 760 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,042 Look! You missed it! 761 00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:42,846 Okay, look, forget him. Becky. 762 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,322 There's something in that old box she carries around that's making her go crazy! 763 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,335 She sleeps with it, she eats with it, 764 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,885 she even goes to the bathroom with it! 765 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,721 Who takes a shit with a box in their hand? It's fuckin' weird! 766 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,481 And by "weird" you mean I'm a terrible mother. 767 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,775 What? No. Wait. Where did you go? Hold on. Hold on a minute. 768 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,928 If you were just a little bit less judgmental, 769 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,811 she wouldn't feel like she needs to carry her pain around in a "box"! 770 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,089 This is not about me! It is always about you, Malcolm! 771 00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:11,575 "You're too fat, you're a terrible parent," 772 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,329 "you like black guys 'cause they have bigger cocks!" 773 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,762 That sounds like you! Do you see this? 774 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,323 That's not fuckin' normal! Okay, she is just trying to get attention! 775 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,451 When she was a baby, she would cry and cry and cry all damn day in her crib 776 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,764 until finally she realized I wasn't gonna come and pick her up! 777 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,208 If you were a parent you'd know it's called the "cry it out method," Malcolm! 778 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,442 Just pick the little bitch up! 779 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,128 She needs to learn to self-soothe. See what I'm saying? 780 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,808 That is called parenting. Wow! Mother of the year. 781 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,291 MEGAN: Thank you. 782 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,015 MALCOLM: (PANTING) That crazy doll keyed my car! 783 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,295 (LAUGHING) Whoo! Bro, somebody fucked your car up! 784 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,368 Yeah. You wouldn't know anybody with an auto body shop, would you? 785 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,615 Are you serious, Bro? 786 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,610 Why, contrary to popular belief, all Mexicans don't have body shops, man. 787 00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,175 What, you think we all have low riders 788 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:00,495 with a bunch of primer all over it 789 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:01,575 with a frickin' Mexican horn? 790 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:02,855 You think I have like six kids 791 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,006 and all my relatives livin' there, huh? 792 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:05,735 Probably chase Chihuahuas and make burritos, 793 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:06,775 is that what you think? Dude... 794 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,295 Look at the neighborhood, man! 795 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:09,400 I didn't think any of that! 796 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:10,970 I just want my fuckin' car fixed! 797 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,447 (LAUGHING) I'm just fuckin' with you, Bro! 798 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,775 You're so easy, man. Oh, shit. 799 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,455 Man, I got a cousin, his name is Chucho, he can hook all that shit up. 800 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,055 Stop fuckin' with the crazy bitches, man. 801 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,295 I gotta go, I got the family waiting. All right? Be good, man! 802 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,482 MALCOLM: (GASPS) Where did she go? 803 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:25,895 (HORN HONKING) 804 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,321 Take it easy, vato! MALCOLM: Where you goin'? 805 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,975 Goin' to the swap meet. We're gonna get some Chihuahuas. 806 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,889 MALCOLM: Wow. Now that's racist! 807 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,975 MEGAN: So I moved into the house across the street 808 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,161 and I just love it. 809 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,170 The streets are so quiet. It's perfect for a haunting. 810 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:42,765 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 811 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,535 You know something, I never got your name. 812 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,815 Kisha? What in the fuck! 813 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,844 You two know each other? Oh. Well, yeah. 814 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:58,046 You know the boyfriend that I told you abandoned me and left me in a ditch to die? 815 00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,804 That's him. (MALCOLM LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) 816 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,364 Awkward! Yeah! 817 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,205 I think I'll let you two have at it. 818 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:10,364 And thank you so much, Megan, for the coffee, really. 819 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,095 And, Malcolm, it was great seeing you. 820 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,215 (MALCOLM GASPS) 821 00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,368 See you around, Malcolm. 822 00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:18,881 Um... 823 00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:21,529 (DOOR CLOSES) Really? 824 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,407 How come you never told me about her? 825 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,247 Well, it was just a time in my life I just wanted to forget. 826 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,244 Okay, well you need to start remembering. She was fucking beautiful! 827 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,404 She was aight. "Aight"? 828 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,245 I mean, she got nice legs. Legs. 829 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,928 Little ass, but... Ass. How 'bout all this? 830 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,402 It's fuckable. Okay? But that's the... It's all this... 831 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,087 She's crazy! She was crazy, baby, like she was possessed! 832 00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:51,244 You mean she was possessive. No, the bitch was possessed. 833 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,055 What? Yes! 834 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,764 First of all, she was verbally abusive. 835 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:56,775 MALCOLM: Hey, baby, what's for dinner? 836 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,371 (IN DEMONIC VOICE) Eat your mother's pussy you fucking fuck! 837 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,735 (GROWLS) MALCOLM: Okay. 838 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:01,807 (SIGHS) 839 00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,175 I don't know. It was like she gave up. 840 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,575 Eventually I was able to drag her to couples' therapy. 841 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:08,575 Well, Dr. Rousch, me and my girlfriend, 842 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,895 we're kinda goin' through a little rough patch. 843 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,763 I mean, she won't communicate with me. 844 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,455 No matter what I do, she just sits there. 845 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,766 (GROWLING) 846 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,288 Okay, and she'll growl a little bit. Yes, I can hear that. 847 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:24,490 And the smallest things just set her off. Like crucifixes, or questions. 848 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,563 Is that right, Kisha? 849 00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,088 (GROWLS) (SCREAMS) 850 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,810 You got a prescription for "crazy bitch"? 851 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,446 Malcolm, I'm so sorry. 852 00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:39,123 It sounds horrible. Well, it wasn't all bad. 853 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,535 Wait, I'm gonna come. Shut up, you sound like a bitch! 854 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:44,971 Oh! (GROWLING) 855 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,535 I think you just knocked out a tooth! 856 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,369 (GROWLING) 857 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,960 Whose ass is this, huh? Whose ass is this? 858 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,162 The Devil's! (LAUGHS) 859 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,322 See, now you just made it weird. 860 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,324 Look at me, God damn it! 861 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,130 (GROANING) 862 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,004 Oh, my God, that was awesome! 863 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:11,642 Baby, you're makin' my toes do this. 864 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,002 You're makin' my toes do this. 865 00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:15,495 Really, Malcolm? 866 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,524 You know what they say about the crazy ones. 867 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,411 What? Too soon? (SIGHS) 868 00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:29,815 There's something goin' on with this box. 869 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,002 I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. 870 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,685 What the heck is this little pervert doing? 871 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,001 (SNIFFS) MALCOLM: Ah! 872 00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:41,040 Oh, dude, that is just weird! 873 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,735 (FARTING) 874 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,285 Oh, really? (CHUCKLES) 875 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:46,927 Oh, wow. 876 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,681 What kind of sweet tooth fairy is this? 877 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,361 This nigga need a daddy. WYATT: "Dear Diary." 878 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,887 "I lost my virginity to Joey today." 879 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,202 "Actually, that's not totally true." 880 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:03,207 "I mean, I've only had sex with 17 guys" 881 00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,735 "but only in the butt, so it doesn't count." 882 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,250 (VOCALIZING) 883 00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,166 "I mean, I've sucked a lot of dicks, Diary." 884 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,045 "I stopped counting after the blowjob party at Ashley's house." 885 00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:15,163 "There must've been 30 or 40 guys there." 886 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,529 She ain't got no bone in her neck. She got that Plastic Man. 887 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,406 "PS: Diary, I'll never stop sucking dicks. Ever!" 888 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:23,687 Wow. 889 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:27,535 MALCOLM: Oh, would you look there? 890 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,722 A mood ring. So, what mood is that? 891 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:31,684 It's called, "You're not my father." 892 00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,520 Oh, yeah, that's bitchy lil' white teenager. 893 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,564 See, that'll get you slapped in most black neighborhoods. 894 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,091 (RETCHING) 895 00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,602 Are you okay? 896 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,649 Becky? Hey. 897 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,495 MALCOLM: Ouch! 898 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:48,851 (GAGGING) 899 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,604 (SPITS) Ugh. 900 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,444 That is some serious meat-mouth you got goin' on there. 901 00:41:55,600 --> 00:42:00,288 It's easier going down than it is coming up. Yeah, it's weird. 902 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,602 Breath smell like sirloin. 903 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,445 I hope that hole cold ain't contagious. 904 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:08,975 (RETCHING) 905 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,095 PROFESSOR: Malcolm! 906 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,935 Professor, it's kinda loud there. Um... 907 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,564 Did I catch you at a bad time? 908 00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,326 (COUGHING) 909 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,569 Indica? I'm a sativa man. I got important shit to do! 910 00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,491 Hold on! I'm at a party. 911 00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,444 I need some of my medicine. 912 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,175 (SNIFFS) 913 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,690 (LAUGHING) 914 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,889 Professor! How do I get rid of the demon? 915 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,201 (MUFFLED LAUGHING) 916 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,323 Professor! Professor! 917 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,130 Malcolm, that demon's tryin' to get to you 918 00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:37,322 through your family and he's not gonna stop! 919 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:38,935 You've got the paranormal equivalent of 920 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,041 a perfect storm, my friend! 921 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,161 (SIREN WAILING) 922 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:42,810 Oh, Shit! The po-po! 923 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,605 Professor, please! What's goin' on? 924 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,095 I got 12 ounces of crystal meth 925 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:47,455 jammed up my anus. I gotta get outta here! 926 00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,562 Police! Oh, fuck! 927 00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:51,768 Professor! Professor, please! 928 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,645 Hands up now! I can't go back in! 929 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,525 Professor! How do I get rid of the demon? 930 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,055 (SIREN WAILING) (STRAINING) 931 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,081 Oh, fuck. 932 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,650 You're under arrest! You on the screen, freeze! 933 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:09,640 MALCOLM: Hey, knothead! 934 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,361 Oh, no, not my favorite shirt. That bitch. 935 00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,170 What the... 936 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,209 Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me? 937 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,601 No, no, no! Not my clothes! No! 938 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,201 Phew. 939 00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,205 (SCREAMING) 940 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,175 Oh! Shit! 941 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,522 This crazy wooden bitch! She's burning my clothes! 942 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,923 Oh, my God! It's Fatal Attraction. 943 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,965 She's gonna boil a rabbit! She's gonna boil a rabbit! 944 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:39,961 (SIGHING) 945 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,202 Can I get you something to drink? Sure, man. 946 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:43,646 Tequila? Really, Bro? 947 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:45,335 What, you bring the Mexican into your house 948 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,727 and, "He must want tequila, we should give him tequila." 949 00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,566 "I'm glad he parked his burro so now I can offer him some of his beverage." 950 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:53,255 I bet you this shit has a worm in it, too, huh? 951 00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,855 I should've walked in here with a serape and a sombrero for you, too, huh? 952 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,495 That's what you wanted really, wasn't it? 953 00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,726 You get me all worked up, man! 954 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,724 Look, I could use a drink now. 955 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:03,855 What kind of tequila is it? Is it silver? 956 00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,040 'Cause I can't drink that gold shit. That's for cholos. 957 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,722 Thank you, man. It's nice, man. We're becomin' friends, right? 958 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,609 Uh, now we are. (BOTH LAUGHING) 959 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,335 I could trust you with things, right? 960 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:14,640 I mean, I can keep a secret, man. 961 00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:16,895 I'm good at that shit. The neighbors next door to me 962 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,570 don't even know there's a black guy living here yet. 963 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,375 So, what do you wanna talk about? Um... 964 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,295 Okay, you know the people that lived in this house before me? 965 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,375 Mmm-hmm. 966 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:29,246 Was there anything strange goin' on, like were they actin' weird or anything? 967 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,927 You saw something a little... 968 00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:36,961 Spooky or supernatural? I seen some shit. 969 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,055 Come on, man, you don't believe in that, do you? 970 00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:40,695 'Cause if you did, you know, you'd have been like, 971 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:42,609 "Nigger, I'm out! The deuces." 972 00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:44,768 You mean to tell me you don't believe in the paranormal? 973 00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,924 Of course I believe in that shit! I'm half Mexican, Bro! 974 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,328 I believe in all that shit people don't believe in. 975 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:56,283 Freakin' La Llorona, El Cucuy, Chupacabra, Bigfoot, Obamacare. 976 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,044 Interracial dating. Nuclear war. 977 00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:02,928 You name it, I'm all for it. Me personally, I wouldn't stay one night in this house. 978 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:06,448 Shit! Look, I'm gonna be honest with you, Bro. 979 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:09,803 When I first found out that there was a black guy movin' in the neighborhood, 980 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,175 I was like, (INHALES) 981 00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:12,804 "There goes the property value." 982 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,964 "I'm gonna have to keep the kids inside, there's gonna be gangs," 983 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,124 "I'm gonna have to cover up graffiti," but you turned out to be okay. 984 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:23,405 You're really cool! You're very accommodating. I think I can help you. 985 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:24,607 Really? 986 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:25,855 (CLUCKING) 987 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:27,848 I need you to cut the chicken's neck. 988 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,322 Oh, hell fuckin' no! You wanna get rid of the demon or not? 989 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,480 I know, but can't we just go down to the store and just like, buy a chicken? 990 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,604 No, man! You need a blood sacrifice. 991 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,331 Right. Come here. Let's do it. 992 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,642 Hold on! Hold up, wait a second! Let me get my shit together. 993 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,481 You gonna shit in my baby's cereal, chicken? 994 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,162 You wanna piss on my momma? In her face? 995 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,011 (GRUNTING) 996 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:53,521 (SCREAMS) 997 00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:54,895 MALCOLM: I'll fuck... Don't you... 998 00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,001 (CLUCKING) 999 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,727 Where did you get this chicken? Your uncle's farm? 1000 00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:01,769 No! A cock fighting ring. 1001 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:03,135 That's a dead motherfucker. 1002 00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:04,161 (CLUCKING) 1003 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,205 (GRUNTING) 1004 00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,725 (SCREAMING) 1005 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:14,855 Whassup, chicken? You scared? Whassup? 1006 00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,015 You don't want none of this, motherfucker! 1007 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,175 (CLUCKING) 1008 00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:19,929 MIGUEL: Oh, shit! (SCREAMING) 1009 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,727 MIGUEL: Bite him back, Malcolm! Bite him back! 1010 00:46:23,720 --> 00:46:25,848 (SCREAMING) (CLUCKING) 1011 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,845 Drown, bitch! I'm gonna kill you. 1012 00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:35,690 Watch what I do to your fuckin' baby! (SCREAMING) 1013 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,368 (PANTING) (LOUD THUDDING) 1014 00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,211 MIGUEL: What you doin', man? What'd you do? 1015 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:42,731 (BEEPS) (GASPING) 1016 00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,044 This polio is loco! 1017 00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,403 (SCREAMING) 1018 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,565 MIGUEL: (LAUGHS) You got him, Malcolm! That's right! 1019 00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:54,695 (SPITS) 1020 00:46:54,720 --> 00:46:57,485 Yeah, you fucked that chicken. (LAUGHS) 1021 00:46:58,480 --> 00:46:59,535 Malcolm... 1022 00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,289 (CLUCKING) 1023 00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,244 (SCREAMING) (CLUCKING) 1024 00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,135 Yeah! 1025 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,925 You about to go to that great bucket in the sky! 1026 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,162 Tell the Colonel I said hi! 1027 00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:11,845 (CROWING) 1028 00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:15,975 MIGUEL: Oh, shit! 1029 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,575 That was like an intense-ass game of Angry Birds, man! 1030 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,490 Fuck, Bro, you did it! I think this house is clean! 1031 00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,927 Well, maybe not clean, but the demon's gone for sure. 1032 00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,924 What the hell are we gonna do with all this chicken, Malcolm? 1033 00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:28,969 Oh, yeah, ask the black guy. 1034 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:30,935 (BOTH MUMBLING) 1035 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,415 Mmm-hmm. Mmm. Hey. 1036 00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,169 Cheers. Right on! 1037 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:38,775 (PANTING) 1038 00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,167 What in the fuck? 1039 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:42,961 (GASPS) 1040 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,804 You! This ends now! 1041 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:50,806 You hear me, you googly-eyed wooden bitch! Come on! 1042 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:54,851 You're making me bury your fuckin' ass! 1043 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:56,095 (PANTING) 1044 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:57,406 (GRUNTS) 1045 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,085 Get in there! (GRUNTS) 1046 00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,646 Die, you stink bitch! 1047 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,804 B-I-T... 1048 00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,962 Fuckin' bitch! (FARTS) 1049 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:13,290 You want some of this? 1050 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:14,535 (PANTING) 1051 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,244 (SCREAMING) 1052 00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,804 All right, prepare to meet your maker! 1053 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:24,164 That's right, I'm sending you back to Taiwan! 1054 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,642 You smell like piss and shit! 1055 00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,161 Come on! You make me sick! 1056 00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:32,975 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1057 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,162 You know what brown can do for me? Take this! 1058 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,847 You sign! Get the fuck outta here! 1059 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,401 (SCREAMS) 1060 00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,160 Oh, see, I tried to do it the easy way. 1061 00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:45,682 Now you're gonna make me violent. 1062 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,889 Come on, you... Get the fuck over here! Shut up! 1063 00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:50,806 (LAUGHING EVILLY) 1064 00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,887 How you like that, bitch? I want you to watch. 1065 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,725 Let's see you write it now! (LAUGHING EVILLY) 1066 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,722 Miss me? This is fun. 1067 00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,850 Oh, we about to have a barbecue. Get in there. 1068 00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,520 Yeah! Hey, how you doin'? (HORN HONKING) 1069 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,160 You gonna fuckin' burn today, baby! 1070 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,055 (LAUGHING EVILLY) 1071 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,050 That's what fucking hell feels like! 1072 00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:19,371 (LAUGHING EVILLY) 1073 00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,371 (CHEERING) 1074 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,645 (SOBBING) 1075 00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,215 (MUTTERING INCOHERENTLY) 1076 00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:27,605 (SOBBING) 1077 00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,331 (POUNDING ON DOOR) 1078 00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:39,565 (SCREAMING) 1079 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,446 You fuckin'... Fucking die! 1080 00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:47,083 I will watch your life come out of you. Just die, you little... 1081 00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:50,375 I'll fuckin' cut your goddamn eye out, you bitch! 1082 00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,164 Malcolm! (SCREAMING) 1083 00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:56,089 Malcolm! What did you do to our room? (WHISPERS) Say fucking nothing. 1084 00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,215 Honey, it's not what it looks like, okay? Really? 1085 00:49:58,240 --> 00:49:59,855 It's not what it looks like. Really? 1086 00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:04,044 Listen, listen to me. She's crazy! It's not me, she's crazy! 1087 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:05,775 You're crazy. No, honey! Megan! 1088 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,290 You're crazy. It's not what it looks like! 1089 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,575 Get away from me. I'm not done with you, 1090 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,443 you fuckin' home-wrecker! 1091 00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:13,405 God! 1092 00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:17,250 See, nobody will listen to the black guy till everybody dead! 1093 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,455 I see how you lookin' at me. Let me tell you something. 1094 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,006 This house... This house is haunted. 1095 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,521 You know that little doll that you like so much? Abigail? 1096 00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,486 Yeah, well, let me tell you something about Abigail. She's alive! 1097 00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:29,642 That's right, she's alive! 1098 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:33,522 Not like "alive" alive, but alive as in "is possessed." 1099 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:37,242 You know how I know? 'Cause it made me have sex with it! Repeatedly! 1100 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,086 Upstairs, downstairs, in the kitchen, in the yard! 1101 00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,015 While you were sleepin' next to us! 1102 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,644 Right there where you're sitting, twice! 1103 00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,440 And that's why, when you came upstairs and you caught me 1104 00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:50,215 and I was killing the doll, because I was just like, 1105 00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:51,640 "You're fuckin' up my relationship!" 1106 00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,287 And that box? It's cursed! 1107 00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,922 That box and that box. That's haunted with a demon. 1108 00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,287 That box, cursed with dudes. But that's a whole other story. 1109 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,569 And your son, his little imaginary friend that teaches him curse words 1110 00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:05,922 and gets him crunk off vodka! 1111 00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,327 Yeah, yeah, I'm blowing your spot, little man. 1112 00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,450 Well, he's not so imaginary! He's cray! 1113 00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,935 No, no, no. You cray! You cray-cray! 1114 00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,328 You and your whole lot of other ethnic words that's going out of style. 1115 00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:20,563 You ain't funky fresh or dope. So, how about that, cray-cray? 1116 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,122 Mom, he's scaring me. 1117 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,443 (LAUGHING) Is this the nigga whose room exploded? 1118 00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:30,008 I'm scaring you! Opie, you something else! 1119 00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:34,484 You know what, that's it. I've had enough of this whole haunted house craziness! 1120 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:37,135 It's bad enough that you think it's real, 1121 00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,815 but now you're scaring the kids! 1122 00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,295 I'm scaring the kids! Yes! 1123 00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,244 Ain't that the pot callin' the kettle a nigga! 1124 00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:48,724 No, no, no, baby! Your kids are scaring me! (CHUCKLES) Okay? 1125 00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,215 Look at this one! She's Marilyn Manson in the skin 1126 00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:54,323 and Charlie Manson in the eyes! Her eyes look crazy, okay? 1127 00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,975 That's a crazy woman carrying around a box 1128 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:58,375 like fuckin' Lionel from the Peanuts, 1129 00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,084 and he's hangin' out with dead niggas 1130 00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:03,289 and I'm crazy? Oh! So, what am I supposed to do with all this? 1131 00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:06,011 Maybe you weren't ready! Maybe we moved in too soon. 1132 00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,175 Maybe you're not ready for a family! 1133 00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,135 But we come as a package deal, okay? 1134 00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,295 This ain't about you or them, okay? You... 1135 00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:13,287 (PHONE RINGING) 1136 00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,370 Oh, shit. No! Hey! Don't touch that shit! 1137 00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,855 Don't touch it! That's a demon ring. 1138 00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,855 Don't you answer that, you hear? 1139 00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:22,495 That's the devil callin' right there. 1140 00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,000 That is an evil ring! You hear that? 1141 00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:27,123 Yeah, I said it, a demon ring! 1142 00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:30,084 And you can insta-tweet that on your gram-o-vine! 1143 00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:32,208 (RINGING CONTINUES) Nobody touch it! 1144 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,415 Stop ringing! 1145 00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,044 (RINGING CONTINUES) 1146 00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,203 Stop ringing! Stop! 1147 00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:42,564 (SCREAMING) 1148 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,295 Oh, that's a demon callin'. (PHONE RINGING) 1149 00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:48,209 BECKY: Uh, Malcolm? Your pocket. 1150 00:52:50,720 --> 00:52:52,768 (RINGING CONTINUES) Huh. Oh. 1151 00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,407 We gotta change my ringer. 1152 00:52:55,560 --> 00:53:00,202 Why do we even have home phones anymore? I mean... 1153 00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:01,566 (POUNDING ON DOOR) 1154 00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,927 Yeah? Who is it? 1155 00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:07,931 What the hell? Hey, how you doin', officer? Come on in. 1156 00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:11,927 We got a call about a domestic dispute. 1157 00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:13,246 Are you Malcolm Johnson? 1158 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,655 Uh, yeah, that's me, but there's no dispute. 1159 00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,055 I mean, I threw the phone, but... 1160 00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:19,095 You're under arrest. Hey! For what? 1161 00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,691 Oh, my God! Just raised my voice a little bit! 1162 00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,082 Malcolm, our phone is broken. I know what... 1163 00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:27,289 It's the doll! It's the doll! It was the doll, brother, listen! 1164 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:28,735 This is all a misunderstanding. 1165 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,921 It was this doll. I was fuckin' this doll, right? 1166 00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,255 He's on PCP. Let's take him. No, I'm not on PCP! 1167 00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:33,615 MALCOLM: You fuckin' bitch! (MEGAN SCREAMING) 1168 00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:34,775 You fuckin' bitch! 1169 00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:36,131 You fuckin' bitch! (SIREN WAILING) 1170 00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,203 Malcolm, maybe this is for the best. 1171 00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:39,775 (MALCOLM SHOUTING) 1172 00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,290 (SCREAMING) 1173 00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:18,970 (AGHOUL LAUGHING) 1174 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:23,410 Can't escape my wrath, for I am death. 1175 00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:31,486 Now you burn. Fire. 1176 00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,364 (EXCLAIMING IN ALARM) 1177 00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:39,441 Help! 1178 00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:43,726 (SIGHS) 1179 00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,046 (SCREAMING) 1180 00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:58,043 (YELLING) 1181 00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,682 What is... 1182 00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:11,523 Malcolm? 1183 00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:20,055 Malcolm? Mmm... 1184 00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:21,175 (GROANS) 1185 00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,362 Damn, son, you look fucked up! 1186 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:27,055 Don't look at me. Don't look at me! 1187 00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:30,607 Mom, your man's in here pukin' like a little bitch! 1188 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:32,015 See that shit, Tony? 1189 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,042 (CHURCH BELLS RINGING) 1190 00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,848 Sometimes the victim may be tormented by more than one demon. 1191 00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,123 These cases lead to transference. 1192 00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:44,215 Trans-who? What the fuck is that, dog? 1193 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:45,615 Father Williams! Mind your tongue. 1194 00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:46,926 You are a man of the cloth! 1195 00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:50,335 Damn, man, ain't like I'm rapin' motherfuckers no more, 1196 00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:51,600 you know what I'm sayin'? 1197 00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:54,451 Shit. Keep on wit' your little lesson, brother. 1198 00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,170 Victims have also been known to break 1199 00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:57,850 their own bones during the possession. 1200 00:55:58,240 --> 00:55:59,765 WILLIAMS: True. That happened to me. 1201 00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:02,566 I was first in prison, I was tryin' to give myself head, right? 1202 00:56:02,720 --> 00:56:04,290 'Cause I ain't know nobody. 1203 00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,895 If I woulda knew somebody, I wouldn't have had to do it to myself. 1204 00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:09,446 And it wasn't no gay shit. First get that out your head. 1205 00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,887 That's enough! I've had enough of your insolence! 1206 00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:14,607 My what? My insolence? 1207 00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,604 Dog, you going to bring up my condition right now? 1208 00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:19,935 You gonna bring up my diabetes, dog? 1209 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,450 Talkin' about my insolence. 1210 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,763 'Cause I like cake? Yeah, I like cake, guys. 1211 00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,127 I like cake, birthday cake, all kinds of cake. 1212 00:56:27,240 --> 00:56:29,447 I'm talking about, cake, cake, cake! 1213 00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:31,295 Man, you know what? 1214 00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:32,375 I'm sick of your shit! 1215 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:33,401 (GROANING) 1216 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,285 Get outta here! Everybody break out. Take your boy with you. 1217 00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,125 Yeah. I mean really, man. 1218 00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:42,041 Ooh. 1219 00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:43,487 Malcolm? 1220 00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:45,295 Hey, Father Williams! 1221 00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:46,975 Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell you about callin' me that? 1222 00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:48,495 I'm sorry. Hey, Doug! 1223 00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,010 Roll down, man! 1224 00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:54,775 I'm sorry you caught that, man. I'm so stressed out, man. 1225 00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,928 I had to shank a muthafucka. You saw that, right? 1226 00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,415 I didn't see nothin'. 1227 00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,727 That's a good answer. That's a good answer. 1228 00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:02,335 If you saw it... 'Cause I was gonna say 1229 00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:03,975 if you woulda said yes, I woulda... 1230 00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,935 (SCREAMS) Oh, shit! 1231 00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,167 That's all right, I don't have nothin'. That's the only one I had. 1232 00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:10,495 I used to have two shanks, but I don't keep that anymore. 1233 00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:11,806 I stopped doin' two shanks 1234 00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:13,335 'cause it just was a thang, and 1235 00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:14,691 everybody was like, "Two shanks." 1236 00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,440 Yeah, so, how you doin'? 1237 00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:20,649 I, uh... I need your help. 1238 00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:22,529 It's happenin', Doug. 1239 00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:24,324 Hell no! 1240 00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,535 You know I'm not comin' over there 1241 00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:28,535 and fuckin' with you and your creepy lil' bitch again! 1242 00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:29,895 I ain't even with that bitch no more! 1243 00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:31,575 I'm beggin' you, man, I just need your help. 1244 00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:33,015 I just don't know who else to go to. 1245 00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:35,202 Let me just explain to you why I became a priest. 1246 00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:38,330 Now, obvious one is for the little boys. Yes. 1247 00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:40,295 What're you talkin' about? 1248 00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:42,415 It's a joke, Malcolm! 1249 00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:45,575 Oh, God, no, it was a joke. I did that, you know, 1250 00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,602 for the other priests and we laugh, that's all. 1251 00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:51,765 But I don't know if I can help you with your demon situation 1252 00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:54,535 because I haven't been stayin' steady 1253 00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:57,404 on my demon fightin' skills, is what I'm tryin' to tell you. 1254 00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,803 So Malcolm, day after day, 1255 00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:07,528 when you know you can't win, you're just prolonging the inevitable! 1256 00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,535 All you gotta do is let them in. 1257 00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,005 Are you talkin' about the Devil? 1258 00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,771 Worse. The Kardashians. 1259 00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:16,086 (GASPS) Yeah. 1260 00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,815 Yeah, did you see 'em? It's the crazy mama, 1261 00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,888 it's Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, crazy, the two little ones... 1262 00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:24,362 They gonna be freaks. They got Lamar, they got Scott... 1263 00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,015 Rob, fat as a motherfucker, 1264 00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,610 Bruce with the acne. Oh, Bruce... 1265 00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:30,055 What the fuck is wrong with Bruce Jenner face? 1266 00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:31,411 He look like a monster! 1267 00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,643 He scares me at night! And he on in daytime. 1268 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,935 He don't look like the nigga that was on the Wheaties box! 1269 00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:39,884 And Kanye! And Kanye! And Julianne Hough! 1270 00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:44,255 I love it and I hate it. They took Kanye and they changed him. 1271 00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,455 Doug, you know... Doug... (POUNDING ON WINDOWS) 1272 00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,811 You have to let go of me, Doug. 1273 00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:49,375 You can't... 1274 00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:50,765 Doug, you gotta let go of me! 1275 00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:54,646 There's no place you can hide. He has a plan for you. 1276 00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:56,490 Doug, get off of me. He will get you! 1277 00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:58,455 Doug, get your hands off me! 1278 00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:00,815 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1279 00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:02,888 (POUNDING ON WINDOWS) 1280 00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:05,601 Ow! 1281 00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,684 Oh, you're the one that got us out here in the hot heat! 1282 00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,605 Making me bang all on the windows with my good church hat! 1283 00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,415 Hon, I could be at home watchin' that new Madea movie! 1284 00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:15,535 What's the name of that Madea movie 1285 00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:17,375 with the little girl from The Fresh Prince? 1286 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,415 You know the one, she played the head of NASA! With the aliens! 1287 00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:21,495 Madea Goes To Mars! 1288 00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:23,284 Boom! Madea Goes To Mars, that's it! 1289 00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,615 (MUMBLING) Hold up, ain't you that brother 1290 00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,291 that just moved into old Burton place? 1291 00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:32,201 Yeah, it's just... With a white woman! 1292 00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:33,975 Well, she's not all the way white. 1293 00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:36,571 She's a white woman, damn near clear! 1294 00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:41,004 Come on now, it's 2013. Interracial relationships is not a big deal. 1295 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,335 What? You need to tell that to the lonely sista. 1296 00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:46,055 Look at this one right here. Right here! 1297 00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:48,615 Honey, show him how you drop it like it's hot! 1298 00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:51,849 Whoo! Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up. We ain't got no defibrillator. 1299 00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:53,695 Oh, you know what it is with the white girl? 1300 00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,485 They do that cungalingus, the finga-ligga-linga. 1301 00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:58,975 What is it, the fellatio? MALCOLM: Uh... 1302 00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,615 That's what it is, they go deep. 1303 01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,000 You know they ain't got no insides. 1304 01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:03,690 I think that's my cue to go. 1305 01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,610 Excuse me, sistas. Have a good sermon. 1306 01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:08,255 Where you goin'? 1307 01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:09,655 MALCOLM: Love is love. You're so bitter. 1308 01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:10,886 See? MALCOLM: You angry. 1309 01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:14,721 Brothers be trippin'. That's why I got me a white man at home. 1310 01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:16,808 Yeah, girl. WOMAN: Vanilla my flavor. 1311 01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:21,135 PROFESSOR: Hello, Malcolm. 1312 01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:22,455 Oh, Professor Wilde, thank God. 1313 01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,005 I've been tryin' to reach you! 1314 01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,969 I'm sorry, Malcolm, I've been a bit tied up. 1315 01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,975 I haven't been able to find any more on Aghoul, 1316 01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,048 though my resources are a bit limited. 1317 01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,646 Uh, Professor? Where the hell are you? 1318 01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,121 Ooh, doin' a stretch of five to 10. 1319 01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:38,655 Apparently, the authorities frown on sellin' meth 1320 01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:40,648 to college students. 1321 01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,251 Yeah, apparently. 1322 01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:43,535 You need to hang up 1323 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:44,655 that computer call, 1324 01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,081 come over here and kiss me on my hot mouth. 1325 01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,807 I'm feelin' romantical. 1326 01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:53,055 Well, Malcolm, I suppose I should get going. 1327 01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:54,809 But I will be e-mailing you the contacts 1328 01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,055 of associates who'll be able to help. 1329 01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:57,695 I don't mean to be pushy, but any way 1330 01:00:57,720 --> 01:00:59,290 you could do that before you get raped? 1331 01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:01,575 What part of mandingo party 1332 01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:03,728 do you not understand? 1333 01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:06,167 It's time to power the white rabbit. 1334 01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:09,126 You know. Dirty the snow. 1335 01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:10,961 Oh, I'm screwed. 1336 01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:12,560 PROFESSOR: Don't! That's not that bad. 1337 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:16,601 Lights, please. Thank you. 1338 01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,725 So after several exhausting days of the exorcism, 1339 01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:24,043 I threw some holy water on her, read an incantation 1340 01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:27,735 and the demon left the woman's body. 1341 01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:31,128 (CHUCKLING) I suppose I just sat back and watched. 1342 01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,535 I mean, I'm just the medium who puts her life in danger 1343 01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,086 every time she reaches out to demonic forces. 1344 01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:39,855 But you've got a Bible and a bottle of holy water, 1345 01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,135 so you make the world a safer place! 1346 01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:43,535 The fact is, people, is that God is real, 1347 01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,803 the Devil is real, and monsters exist. 1348 01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,970 Well... They're vicious, terrifying entities! 1349 01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:53,771 But the good news is, Santa Claus doesn't exist 1350 01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:55,495 so you don't have to worry about some creepy old guy 1351 01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:56,975 coming down your chimney. (ALL SOBBING) 1352 01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,095 Okay... Got your nose! 1353 01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:00,805 So, what exactly are you guys? And who the fuck hired you? 1354 01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:03,327 You can call us Ned and Noreen. 1355 01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,086 See? This is why you don't hire from Craigslist. 1356 01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:07,566 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Asshole! 1357 01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:13,575 I don't understand why you always have to take the credit! 1358 01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:16,055 I mean, even your name comes first on our book cover, 1359 01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:17,735 and I am the one with a gift! It's not my fault 1360 01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:20,240 that Ned comes before Noreen in alphabetical order! 1361 01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:22,967 Is that why Ned comes before Noreen in the bedroom? 1362 01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:24,895 Just once I'd like you to do that thing 1363 01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:26,135 with your thumb and your forefinger. 1364 01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:27,575 I think they call it the shocker? 1365 01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:31,400 Yeah, well, I would like you to do that thing with my balls and the... 1366 01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,642 Hi! Hi! can we help you? 1367 01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:36,690 Yes. Um, there's something horrible happening in my house. 1368 01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:39,127 My family doesn't realize what's going on, but I do! 1369 01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:41,615 I'm sure that there's a rational explanation... 1370 01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:42,775 Please! They're white! 1371 01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:44,975 Oh, my God! Why didn't you say that? 1372 01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:46,286 Yeah, you should lead with that! 1373 01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:49,962 I mean, if you're black we just assume that your hauntings are 1374 01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,845 bill collectors or racist police officers. 1375 01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,843 But 99% of all hauntings 1376 01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:56,809 happen to white people, that's a fact. 1377 01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:59,651 What he means to say is, of course we'll help you. 1378 01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:01,040 Thank you so much. 1379 01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,175 So we're here to help you people. 1380 01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,646 And before you get worked up, I mean "you people" as a couple. 1381 01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:07,495 It wasn't racist till you explained it. 1382 01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:08,681 Yeah. 1383 01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:11,215 The bad news is you have a demon in your house. 1384 01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:12,295 Here we go again. 1385 01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,688 Okay, wait. So the house really is haunted? 1386 01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:19,162 Megan, it's not the house that's haunted. 1387 01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:22,164 A-ha! I knew it! I knew it! It's always the little white girl. 1388 01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:25,175 Think about it. The Exorcist, The Last Exorcism, 1389 01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:27,375 The Exorcism of Emily Rose. All white girls. 1390 01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:28,695 'Cause there ain't no black parents gonna have 1391 01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,015 no little white girl talkin' like that. 1392 01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:31,495 "Bitch, who are you?" Who're you cursin' at? 1393 01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:33,175 "And turn the fuckin' air down in here!" 1394 01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,655 Malcolm, Malcolm, just listen for a second. Yes. 1395 01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:39,366 When we first met you, there was something attached to you. 1396 01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:42,041 Oh, that was a hemorrhoid. That was... It's good now. 1397 01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:44,726 This dark entity has attached itself to him 1398 01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:46,922 and now it's feeding off of all of you. 1399 01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,935 So what you're saying is that this is all Malcolm's fault. 1400 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,015 That's right. Your family could've left here at 1401 01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:53,963 any time, but now you're stuck. 1402 01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:56,015 Like a piece of toilet paper 1403 01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,880 stuck on your shoe when you leave the bathroom. 1404 01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:00,048 And your wife knew the whole time, but she didn't tell you 1405 01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:03,044 because she wanted you to walk around and look like an idiot. 1406 01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:06,575 Oh, get over it! I'm not the one who had an affair 1407 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:08,841 with some low-rent palm reader from Akron! 1408 01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:11,120 And you never would've known if you weren't a psychic! 1409 01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:12,935 But I am psychic, Ned! 1410 01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,166 BOTH: Oh! Ow. 1411 01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,248 Shit! What is that for? 1412 01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:18,562 What you'll be thinking about doing to Megan in two seconds. 1413 01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:21,001 "Thinking about doing to Megan?" One, two, see? 1414 01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,728 Uh, guys, we came on short notice. 1415 01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:27,444 We may need an extra pair of hands. 1416 01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:29,410 Anyone you trust to help? 1417 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:31,568 I know a guy. He's Mexican. 1418 01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:35,649 Megan, let's go to your contacts. 1419 01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:40,695 Hey, nice camera. Right? 1420 01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:42,927 I take it your third cousin owns electronics shops. 1421 01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,415 Eh, somethin' like that. He sells them out of the back of his truck. 1422 01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:47,920 It's a mobile operation. Let me know if you want one. 1423 01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,095 Hey, Ned, something weird. 1424 01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:53,283 All these clocks stop at 3:27 when the hauntings happen. 1425 01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:57,525 Normally, it's 3:07. Nope, we're on CP time. 1426 01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,931 The demon will manifest itself in many ways. 1427 01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,135 To your son, it's his imaginary friend. 1428 01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,322 To your daughter it's the voice inside the box. 1429 01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:07,761 For Malcolm it's that sexy little doll Abigail. 1430 01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,123 See? It's a manifestation! You think I'd bang a doll for no reason? 1431 01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:13,408 Malcolm! Shut up. What we're about to do 1432 01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:16,331 is the first step in banishing the demon to the netherworld. 1433 01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:18,450 Oh, what is that? 1434 01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,291 This helps me communicate with the demon. 1435 01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:24,735 Organic, hydroponically grown OG Kush. 1436 01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:26,000 Very strong. 1437 01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:30,484 This is some good shit. 1438 01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:31,681 (CHUCKLES) 1439 01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:33,529 Well, pass the mask, shit. 1440 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,444 NOREEN: We grow it ourselves. 1441 01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:37,404 NED: High water bill. (COUGHING) 1442 01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,170 That's that shit right there! 1443 01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:41,240 Let me get another hit. I'm goin' to the Further. 1444 01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,241 Tony, where are you? 1445 01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:48,361 (CREAKING) 1446 01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:51,365 Smells like that OG Kush. 1447 01:05:58,200 --> 01:05:59,361 WYATT: Mom! 1448 01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:03,688 What... Becky! 1449 01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:07,695 Cool! Wyatt, get upstairs! 1450 01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:09,760 MALCOLM: Wyatt, come on! DEMON: Fuck you, you bitch! 1451 01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,290 Why are you tying my baby to a chair? 1452 01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:14,925 Because the bitch got a demon in her! 1453 01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:16,731 BECKY: Make it stop! (GROWLS) 1454 01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,804 This is some scary Cucuy shit right here, man. 1455 01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:21,535 I don't know who Cucuy is. 1456 01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,403 A Cucuy is a ghetto Mexican bogeyman. 1457 01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:25,215 Oh, like George Lopez. 1458 01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:26,401 (CHUCKLES) I know, huh? 1459 01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:29,291 I agree, it is scary as fuck. 1460 01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:31,727 (GROWLING) This spirit is more powerful than I thought. 1461 01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:34,571 We're gonna need to get a priest and perform a real exorcism. 1462 01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:37,923 I know a guy! He's a little unconventional. 1463 01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:41,524 I don't know, Malcolm. (SCREAMING) 1464 01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:43,409 I know, that bitch don't look right. 1465 01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:45,055 No, why you gotta call her a bitch? 1466 01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:46,525 You disrespecting the little ho. 1467 01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:48,330 Nigga, did you just sell me out? 1468 01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:50,442 There's certain words that trigger white folk. 1469 01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:53,775 I mean, bitch, ho, slut. No offense. 1470 01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:55,775 You can't say those words. That's like our... 1471 01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:56,801 Hey! 1472 01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:57,921 What the hell are you talking about? 1473 01:06:58,080 --> 01:06:59,160 Are you out your damn mind? 1474 01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:01,535 We would never say that. 1475 01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,688 Oh, we would behind closed doors. 1476 01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:06,175 I mean, I wouldn't say it in a bus or a waffle house. 1477 01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:07,326 At the Atlanta Airport 1478 01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:10,324 or in the parking lot of a KFC, but, yeah, I would say it. 1479 01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:12,323 Hey, I ain't your boy... I got your back. 1480 01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:14,135 This is a lovely scarf you're wearing. 1481 01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,810 It's a sash, you know what I'm sayin'? 1482 01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:18,531 I'm selling these. This a part of my new clothing line, 1483 01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:20,255 "Jesus Pieces," and I got, like, 1484 01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:21,805 the shoe that the Pope be wearin'. 1485 01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:25,646 In leather, suede, in green, brown, and the Pope hats! 1486 01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:28,804 I can't keep that shit, you know niggers love big hats. 1487 01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:31,080 Okay, you know what, that's enough. Thank you so much. 1488 01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,489 That's right. Can we help my daughter, please? 1489 01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:36,655 Hell, she went really white girl on me. 1490 01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:38,489 "Oh, my God!" I was like, "Whoa." 1491 01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,484 Speaking of white... Are you doin' cocaine again? 1492 01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,563 Cocaine? No, man, this stuff's molly! 1493 01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:46,411 ALL: Oh! Can I try? 1494 01:07:46,560 --> 01:07:48,005 It's all good. NOREEN: Oh, wow. 1495 01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:49,891 (TEETH CHATTERING) 1496 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:51,411 I'm gonna take a little pinch for later. 1497 01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:53,010 He's just bringing drugs? 1498 01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:54,695 It's molly. Wrap it up! 1499 01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:56,135 Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you he was unconventional. 1500 01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:57,975 (GROWLING) 1501 01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,095 All right. 1502 01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:00,167 (ALL SCREAMING) 1503 01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:01,855 Hey, chill. Calm down, man. 1504 01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:03,484 Doug! Doug! Doug! Whoa. 1505 01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:05,255 Y'all some crazy ass motherfuckers. 1506 01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:06,960 Y'all thought I was gonna shoot this bitch? 1507 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:09,606 I'm just gonna pistol-whip her until she weakens. 1508 01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,815 You're not pistol-whipping my daughter! 1509 01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:13,135 I am not pistol-whipping my daughter. 1510 01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:15,535 He know's what he's doing. The man is a genius. 1511 01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:16,766 (GROWLING) 1512 01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,970 In the name of the Father and the Holy Ghost... (GROWLING) 1513 01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:23,889 I need three other white people. 1514 01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:25,371 Peyton Manning! 1515 01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:26,806 Peyton Manning, Kristen Stewart. 1516 01:08:26,960 --> 01:08:28,371 Paula Deen! (GROWLING) 1517 01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:33,335 Where's Doug? I can't find his black ass in this dark! 1518 01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:34,415 MIGUEL: Where the hell is he? 1519 01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,495 Look for eyes! 1520 01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:38,683 Like a forest creature in a cartoon. Father Doug! 1521 01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:41,531 He's over here! He's over here! (WHIMPERING) 1522 01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,484 Doug! Nigga, please, don't. 1523 01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:45,682 MEGAN: Father, please don't! 1524 01:08:45,840 --> 01:08:48,335 No, wait! It's better if he points the gun at himself and not at us. 1525 01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:49,935 Just talk to him, Malcolm. 1526 01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:52,281 Listen to my voice, okay, Doug? Listen to my voice. 1527 01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:55,411 This is not what niggas do! We don't do suicide! 1528 01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,882 Murder, yes! Suicide? That's what they do. 1529 01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:02,567 Yeah, we do that. I've tried at least 20 times. 1530 01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,927 Motherfucker got me acting all crazy, actin' the fool! 1531 01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:08,088 You know damn well I wouldn't peel my own cap! 1532 01:09:08,400 --> 01:09:09,401 (CHOKING) 1533 01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,565 I can't stop it! I can't stop it! Man, it keeps... 1534 01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:15,055 There's somethin' in my head that's tellin' me to blow off my head. 1535 01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,003 Is it in here? Is it in there? 1536 01:09:17,160 --> 01:09:20,562 No, no, no! Yeah, up there! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 1537 01:09:20,760 --> 01:09:23,175 Demon break. Who wants a mojito? 1538 01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:24,884 Oh, the black guy's still got a gun. 1539 01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:27,970 Oh, God! This demon is a son of a bitch, man! 1540 01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:30,771 Father, why have you abandoned me? 1541 01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:34,527 Is it because I cuss a lot, even during prayer? 1542 01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:36,762 "Amen, motherfucker," sounds dope. 1543 01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:39,082 Is it because... (CHOKING) 1544 01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,046 I don't get Ryan Seacrest. I don't get him. 1545 01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:45,449 I know what it is, 'cause I dressed up as a foreclosure sign 1546 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,921 when people was getting kicked out of their house. 1547 01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:50,248 On Halloween I just stood in the yard. 1548 01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:52,442 I knew it was wrong, but it was funny to me. 1549 01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:55,001 Out of all of the people on the Brady Bunch, 1550 01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,487 it was Alice that I wanted to fuck. 1551 01:09:57,640 --> 01:10:01,455 In the station wagon, on top of Mr. Brady's architect desk. 1552 01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:03,562 Just used it for protractors and rulers. 1553 01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,286 Is it because I actually kinda thought 1554 01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,971 that it was okay that Chris Brown hit Rihanna? 1555 01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:11,691 I know that bitch hit him first, man! She talk too much shit! 1556 01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:13,975 She an Island Girl. "What you doin', Chris?" 1557 01:10:14,000 --> 01:10:16,015 "Where you goin'?" Who's this bitch talkin' "about Chris?" 1558 01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:17,485 Shut the fuck up, bitch! 1559 01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:18,855 Somebody help me. 1560 01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:20,080 MALCOLM: Doug! Fight it, Doug! 1561 01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:23,647 No! Nigga, that's a bigass gun! That's gonna hurt, nigga. 1562 01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:26,531 Malcolm, he has a message for you. 1563 01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:29,529 He says... 1564 01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:30,880 "Hi, bitch." 1565 01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:32,481 (SCREAMING) 1566 01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:34,250 MEGAN: Oh, my God! No! 1567 01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,005 (BECKY GROWLING) 1568 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,167 We're gonna need another priest! It's too late. 1569 01:10:39,480 --> 01:10:40,720 I have to perform the exorcism. 1570 01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:41,841 It's true. 1571 01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,975 Although Ned's only formal training was at 1572 01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:45,843 Ghostbusters summer camp back in 1988. 1573 01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:47,575 Never cross the streams. Never cross them. 1574 01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:48,681 And he is dumb! 1575 01:10:48,840 --> 01:10:51,161 I mean, dumb, dumb, dumb! 1576 01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:54,006 The point is, you can do this! 1577 01:10:54,160 --> 01:10:55,935 Do you remember what you said to me on our wedding night? 1578 01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,015 "I have whiskey dick and I'll make it up to you in the morning." 1579 01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:01,522 No! You said God brought us together for a reason. 1580 01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:04,601 That doesn't sound like me. Must've been really drunk. 1581 01:11:04,720 --> 01:11:07,564 Just fucking do it, dummy! Okay. 1582 01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:10,007 (CHANTING FAKE LATIN) 1583 01:11:10,280 --> 01:11:11,281 (GROWLS) 1584 01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:21,335 Becky! Did it work? 1585 01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,575 BECKY: Please help me. I'm sorry for everything! 1586 01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:25,045 MIGUEL: I think you did it! 1587 01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:26,885 (LOUD THUD) (ALL SCREAMING) 1588 01:11:27,280 --> 01:11:28,441 (GROWLING) 1589 01:11:29,840 --> 01:11:32,207 NED: Full inversion. We got a full inversion. 1590 01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:36,009 Oh, fuck! 1591 01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:37,884 MEGAN: Oh, my God! 1592 01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:40,566 Time to die! 1593 01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:42,846 It was him! It was him! 1594 01:11:42,960 --> 01:11:44,200 No, don't do me like that! 1595 01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,050 It actually was him. 1596 01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:48,095 MIGUEL: Better him than me. 1597 01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:50,009 NOREEN: That looked like it hurt, shit. 1598 01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:52,210 (SHRIEKING) 1599 01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:56,695 Whoo! Now, that's what you call a blowjob. 1600 01:11:56,720 --> 01:11:57,767 A leaf blower? 1601 01:11:57,920 --> 01:11:59,684 Don't judge me. MEGAN: Malcolm! 1602 01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:03,322 Demon, you leave our daughter alone! 1603 01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:04,895 (GROWLS) (DOOR SLAMS) 1604 01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:06,445 That's not your daughter anymore! 1605 01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:08,160 I didn't mean like a daughter-daughter... 1606 01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:11,535 I was just saying that... Seriously? Malcolm, help her! 1607 01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:12,891 Okay. God damn it! 1608 01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:14,286 Go get 'em, buddy. 1609 01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:17,135 Wyatt, are you okay? 1610 01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:18,605 Yeah, but Becky? 1611 01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,762 She looks pretty fucked up. 1612 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:22,445 (ROARS) 1613 01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:24,055 Demon, I'll make you a deal. 1614 01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:26,811 How about you leave, and we'll pretend none of this ever happened? 1615 01:12:26,960 --> 01:12:28,769 The bitch is mine! 1616 01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:30,729 You heard the man, the bitch is his. I tried. 1617 01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:31,935 Seriously? 1618 01:12:31,960 --> 01:12:33,735 She said the bitch is his. That's pretty emphatic. 1619 01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:36,445 Malcolm, please help me. I'm so sorry. 1620 01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:41,646 Becky will rot in hell! 1621 01:12:41,800 --> 01:12:44,610 Okay, which one is it? Go rot in hell or you want me to help you? 1622 01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:45,935 Malcolm, help her! 1623 01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:47,041 The bitch is confusing me! 1624 01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:52,001 Okay. Demon, you leave her alone! You take me instead! 1625 01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:53,601 Deal. 1626 01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:56,087 Wait, no, no, no. Here, take him instead! 1627 01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:02,575 I haven't heard a demon scream for a while. 1628 01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:04,080 I think it's safe to go back up there. 1629 01:13:04,120 --> 01:13:05,535 I still have a bad feeling. 1630 01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:07,244 For God's sake, come on, guys! 1631 01:13:07,640 --> 01:13:09,881 Come on! All right. 1632 01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:14,841 Oh, my God! Wyatt, get upstairs right now! 1633 01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,082 NED: They're cuddling! The demon's gone! 1634 01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:20,164 I did it! This house is clean! 1635 01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:23,324 Look at his eyes! They're rolling to the back of his head! 1636 01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:24,695 I think he's possessed. 1637 01:13:24,720 --> 01:13:26,760 That's the face that he makes when he has an orgasm. 1638 01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:28,495 I think he's okay, you guys. 1639 01:13:28,520 --> 01:13:30,124 This is not over. 1640 01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:31,691 NED: Are you guys watching this? 1641 01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:33,815 Yes, we're watching it, dummy! 1642 01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:35,763 I'm so intrigued by this. 1643 01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:40,005 MIGUEL: Oh, man! He's all twisted up like a chocolate pretzel! 1644 01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:42,655 Such flexibility and the dexterity! 1645 01:13:42,680 --> 01:13:45,081 Oh, my God. This is making me queasy! 1646 01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:47,083 It's like he could suck his own dick. 1647 01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:49,009 I don't wanna suck my... Please help me! 1648 01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,848 If I could do that, I don't think I'd ever talk to you again. 1649 01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:54,535 Stop it, you unholy demon! 1650 01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:58,201 Oh! Oh! That is greasy shit! Probably Murray's. 1651 01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:01,400 The power of Christ compels you! (SIZZLING) 1652 01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:04,047 (SCREAMS) It burn like bum piss! 1653 01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:05,695 That means it's working! 1654 01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,370 Pour the whole thing, like I just won the Super Bowl! 1655 01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:08,655 Go! Oh, my God. 1656 01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:09,975 MEGAN: Are you crazy? 1657 01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,889 (SCREAMING) 1658 01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:13,655 (GROWLS) 1659 01:14:13,680 --> 01:14:16,126 Is that all you got, bitch? 1660 01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:19,495 Oh! 1661 01:14:19,520 --> 01:14:20,931 (SCREAMING) 1662 01:14:22,760 --> 01:14:24,410 (ALL GRUNTING) 1663 01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:34,247 Wait, guys! Stop! Everybody, stop! 1664 01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:36,004 Malcolm, are you okay? 1665 01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:37,724 No, I think I'm gonna be sick. 1666 01:14:37,880 --> 01:14:39,245 What? Hold up. 1667 01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:42,085 NOREEN: Oh, God. Oh, God. 1668 01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:44,882 Oh, my God, I can't... 1669 01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:46,241 Oh. 1670 01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:49,569 Puking like a runway model. 1671 01:14:49,680 --> 01:14:52,047 I'm good. I'm good. MEGAN: Are you done? 1672 01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:54,335 You're gonna want to Febreze all of this. 1673 01:14:54,360 --> 01:14:56,408 You're gonna wanna just clean this. 1674 01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:58,855 I feel so much better now. 1675 01:14:58,880 --> 01:14:59,961 Whoo! 1676 01:15:00,240 --> 01:15:01,241 ALL: Oh! 1677 01:15:02,400 --> 01:15:03,401 (PANTING) (GLASS SHATTERS) 1678 01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:07,215 Can't be too sure. Oh, shit. 1679 01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:08,520 I gotta get the hell outta here. 1680 01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:10,775 Once they see a black guy in a pool of blood, 1681 01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:12,086 you know who they're gonna come after next. 1682 01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,288 I gotta go. Hey, watch out! 1683 01:15:14,440 --> 01:15:17,055 Now this place is clean. 1684 01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:18,360 It sounded better when I said it. 1685 01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:20,375 Get the box. 1686 01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:21,735 Thank you guys so much. 1687 01:15:21,760 --> 01:15:23,360 No need to thank us. We're happy to help. 1688 01:15:23,440 --> 01:15:24,930 Come on, Ned. 1689 01:15:25,120 --> 01:15:27,735 And we'll just take Abigail with us as well, for safekeeping. 1690 01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:29,495 Yeah, I know what you plan on doing with that doll. 1691 01:15:29,520 --> 01:15:32,295 What? No, I'm a professional. She's a freak bitch. 1692 01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:33,615 Stop it. Trust me. 1693 01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:36,120 Hey. How come Noreen ain't pickin' up on the vibes? 1694 01:15:36,280 --> 01:15:37,775 You know how when you're trying to last longer, 1695 01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:38,961 you think about baseball? Mmm-hmm. 1696 01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:41,775 It's kind of like that. Throws a haze in their head. 1697 01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:44,240 It's the only way to survive when you're married to a psychic. 1698 01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:48,285 Come on, Ned. I know you're thinking about fucking that doll. 1699 01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:50,245 Hey, hey, hey. 1700 01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:57,283 You've had enough. Bye, doll. 1701 01:16:00,560 --> 01:16:01,615 (TELEVISION PLAYING) 1702 01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:05,135 It's so nice being able to just relax on the couch 1703 01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:07,447 and watch The Bachelorette. Yeah. 1704 01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:09,481 (RUMBLING) 1705 01:16:09,640 --> 01:16:11,051 Huh? 1706 01:16:11,800 --> 01:16:13,290 (STAMMERS) You didn't hear that? 1707 01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:14,845 What? (HINGES CREAKS) 1708 01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:18,846 My nigga senses is tinglin'. It's like my Spidey senses. 1709 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:22,004 Oh, would you hush? It is fine! 1710 01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:25,164 My white senses say we're fine. (LAUGHS) 1711 01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,527 Everything's okay. It's over. 1712 01:16:27,840 --> 01:16:29,683 Okay? It's over. 1713 01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:31,643 Okay, okay. I'm trippin'. That's right. 1714 01:16:33,640 --> 01:16:35,802 (SCREAMS) ...dead white bitch! 1715 01:16:44,280 --> 01:16:46,760 You already know how it's going down, motherfuckers, all right? 1716 01:16:46,840 --> 01:16:48,922 I looked on my Dora the Explorer app, 1717 01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:50,560 this the motherfuckin' correct address. 1718 01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:53,690 This ain't a drive-by, homie, okay? This a walk-in, homie. 1719 01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:56,327 So ain't no escape plan! My cousin is in here, cuz! 1720 01:16:56,480 --> 01:16:58,209 Y'all ready? 1721 01:16:58,920 --> 01:17:03,369 Hey, yo, Malcolm! Whassup, my niggie? I'm here, cuz! 1722 01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:05,041 RAY: Oh, shit! 1723 01:17:05,880 --> 01:17:08,360 (SHRILL VOICE) What the fuck are you doin', man? I gotta run for it! 1724 01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:12,975 This is bullshit! Oh, my God! I'm scared as fuck! 1725 01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,445 (SOBBING) 1726 01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:16,855 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1727 01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:20,680 I'm good, dog. Let me get my motherfuckin' bearings together, homie. 1728 01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:22,245 (HUFFING) 1729 01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:24,882 (WHISPERS) All right, let's go up in there, cuz. 1730 01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:27,208 It smell like dead ass, 1731 01:17:27,320 --> 01:17:29,243 baloney and sweat socks up in there, homie. 1732 01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:31,448 It smell like Honey Boo Boo's boo-boo, homie! 1733 01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:33,250 Malcolm? 1734 01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:35,448 Where you at, cuz? 1735 01:17:39,320 --> 01:17:40,924 Ain't nobody in here, cuz. 1736 01:17:41,080 --> 01:17:44,050 Oh, shit! Megan got fucked up! 1737 01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:46,646 Head twisted all backwards, niggie. 1738 01:17:47,000 --> 01:17:49,924 Now, upon further examination, my niggie, 1739 01:17:50,080 --> 01:17:53,084 this white bitch smell like she been dead about a week, maybe two. 1740 01:17:53,240 --> 01:17:56,608 I watch Dexter, niggie, CSI: New York, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. 1741 01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:59,095 Don't nobody get killed on there, but they need to, my nigga. 1742 01:17:59,120 --> 01:18:00,520 Stevie J., you know what I'm sayin'? 1743 01:18:00,560 --> 01:18:03,245 This bitch smell like poverty, cuz! 1744 01:18:03,400 --> 01:18:06,449 Yah! Taekwondo! Oh, shit! 1745 01:18:06,920 --> 01:18:09,526 They done killed the little mini white bitch, too, cuz! 1746 01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:14,284 Fuck happened down here, cuz? 1747 01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:16,726 Hello? 1748 01:18:18,800 --> 01:18:19,975 Hello? 1749 01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:22,685 Oh, shit! There's another dead body, cuz. 1750 01:18:23,080 --> 01:18:26,607 Who the fuck is it, though, huh? Who the fuck is it? 1751 01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:29,441 Oh, God, it's Malcolm! 1752 01:18:29,640 --> 01:18:31,961 (SOBBING) They done kill my cuz, cuz! 1753 01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:34,487 It's like Boyz n the Hood, he's supposed to go to college! 1754 01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:37,695 Why the fuck they let Doughboy live and Ricky dead? 1755 01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:39,927 Doughboy was the evil nigga, cuz! 1756 01:18:40,440 --> 01:18:41,441 Oh! 1757 01:18:41,560 --> 01:18:43,369 I can't believe this! 1758 01:18:43,480 --> 01:18:46,051 See if the nigga got some money, though. 1759 01:18:46,440 --> 01:18:47,965 (SCREAMS) 1760 01:18:50,880 --> 01:18:51,935 (GROANS) 1761 01:18:51,960 --> 01:18:53,962 What you hit me for, brah? 1762 01:18:54,160 --> 01:18:56,640 You know better than to be poppin' up on me like that, cuz! 1763 01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:59,162 You get knocked out every motherfuckin' time, homie. 1764 01:18:59,320 --> 01:19:02,005 World star! World star! 1765 01:19:02,480 --> 01:19:03,720 MALCOLM: (GROANS) You hit me with a brick! 1766 01:19:03,840 --> 01:19:05,455 Where's my family? Are they okay? 1767 01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:06,935 Nigga, they dead as fuck! 1768 01:19:06,960 --> 01:19:08,775 All of them? Even the little boy? 1769 01:19:08,800 --> 01:19:11,215 He's on the back of a motherfuckin' milk carton, niggie! 1770 01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:13,402 Good. He may have lived. 1771 01:19:13,680 --> 01:19:15,011 (HOUSE CREAKING) Where's Kisha? 1772 01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,055 Nigga, I don't know where the fuck Kisha is at, cuz! 1773 01:19:17,080 --> 01:19:19,815 Shh! Shh! She did this shit! 1774 01:19:19,840 --> 01:19:20,895 Kisha did this shit? 1775 01:19:20,920 --> 01:19:22,251 The white girl's neck, snapped it back. 1776 01:19:22,360 --> 01:19:23,655 Kisha did that shit? 1777 01:19:23,680 --> 01:19:25,495 Nigga, that bitch is gangsta, cuz! 1778 01:19:25,520 --> 01:19:26,815 I need to jump her in my shit, cuz! 1779 01:19:26,840 --> 01:19:29,200 Shh! I came down to the basement on some creep shit, like... 1780 01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:32,365 I was just sittin' here waitin' for this bitch, like, "Nigga, what?" 1781 01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:33,735 "Bitch, you want some of this?" 1782 01:19:33,760 --> 01:19:35,335 So I'm gonna sit here incog-negro 1783 01:19:35,360 --> 01:19:37,442 up under this blanket like, nigga, like what. 1784 01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:40,524 Let my sneakers be all, so she be like, "That nigga dead." 1785 01:19:40,680 --> 01:19:44,082 The throat, like, "Bitch, you want some of this?" 1786 01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:48,040 You can't kill me! I'm like a roach! I don't die, I multiply! 1787 01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:51,727 I got God on my side, bitch! 1788 01:19:52,040 --> 01:19:56,045 (SINGING) Twinkle, twinkle little star 1789 01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:58,202 She's right behind me, isn't she? 1790 01:19:58,360 --> 01:20:01,409 How I wonder... (ALL SCREAMING)