1 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:22,827 Excuse me, miss. There seems to be a mistake. 2 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,663 I ordered the large cappuccino. 3 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,832 Hello! 4 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:31,085 - Look at the size of this. - It's a bowl. 5 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,671 It's like Campbell's cup-o-ccino. 6 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,716 My sides. Please. 7 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,848 So Tony... 8 00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,684 ...what's with your clothes? 9 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,978 What? 10 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,106 You look like you're in Starsky and Hutch. 11 00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:53,942 - I look hip. - No, no, no. 12 00:03:54,152 --> 00:03:56,945 More like an undercover cop trying to be. 13 00:03:57,697 --> 00:04:01,492 - I am a cop trying to look hip. - Can you do me a favour? 14 00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:05,871 When you go to my parents' don't dress like a 1970s pimp. 15 00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,916 My parents are a little eccentric. 16 00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:14,296 This poem is called, "An Apology To The Aliens Who Abducted Me... 17 00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:17,007 ...and Whom I Inflicted Destruction Upon... 18 00:04:17,217 --> 00:04:20,177 ...While Having a Panic Attack Aboard the Ship." 19 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,263 Autobiographical. 20 00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:28,102 - What are you gonna do tonight? - Well... 21 00:04:28,687 --> 00:04:31,439 ...I'm gonna do a poem about Sherri. 22 00:04:34,318 --> 00:04:35,944 The "Woman, Woe Man, Whoa Man" poem. 23 00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:37,278 Yeah. 24 00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:43,201 Tell me again. Why did you break up with Sherri? 25 00:04:43,452 --> 00:04:46,287 Tony, I told you already, she's a thief. 26 00:04:46,497 --> 00:04:50,250 - You don't honestly believe that? - Tony, she's a klepto. 27 00:04:50,501 --> 00:04:54,170 To this day I still don't know where my cat is. 28 00:04:54,922 --> 00:04:58,216 Charlie, every time you meet a nice girl... 29 00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:01,886 ...you get paranoid and break up. - That's not true. 30 00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,682 - I broke up for good reasons. - Really? 31 00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:07,518 - Yes. - What about Jill? 32 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,937 She was in the Mafia. 33 00:05:11,356 --> 00:05:14,525 - She was in the Mafia? - Yes, the Cosa Nostra. 34 00:05:14,776 --> 00:05:18,988 - I never knew how she made a living. - She was unemployed. 35 00:05:19,197 --> 00:05:22,157 - She didn't work. - That's a perfect cover. 36 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:25,828 All right. What about Pam? 37 00:05:28,874 --> 00:05:30,875 She smelled like soup. 38 00:05:33,587 --> 00:05:37,006 - What does that mean? - Like beef-vegetable soup. 39 00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,425 - Paranoid. - You weren't there. 40 00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:41,302 - It's all in your head. - No, no. 41 00:05:41,511 --> 00:05:42,970 - It is. - No, no. 42 00:05:47,018 --> 00:05:49,561 - I'm up. Wish me luck. - Good luck. 43 00:05:55,318 --> 00:06:00,739 Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our own Mr. Charlie MacKenzie. 44 00:06:15,379 --> 00:06:16,838 Woman 45 00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:18,673 Woe man 46 00:06:18,883 --> 00:06:21,551 Whoa man 47 00:06:22,303 --> 00:06:25,514 She was a thief You gotta believe 48 00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:28,851 She stole my heart and my cat 49 00:06:29,686 --> 00:06:31,145 Betty 50 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:32,855 Judy 51 00:06:33,065 --> 00:06:36,400 Josie and those hot Pussycats 52 00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:40,112 They make me horny Saturday morny 53 00:06:40,364 --> 00:06:43,741 Girls of cartoons Won't leave me in ruins 54 00:06:43,951 --> 00:06:46,994 I want to be Betty's Barney 55 00:06:47,496 --> 00:06:51,749 Hey, Jane, get me off This crazy thing 56 00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:54,502 Called love 57 00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:57,275 - Hi. - Hi. 58 00:07:57,484 --> 00:07:58,943 Can I help you? 59 00:07:59,486 --> 00:08:04,907 - Yes, do you have haggis? - Yes, we do. One? 60 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,701 Yes, please. 61 00:08:06,952 --> 00:08:09,162 My parents are Scottish. 62 00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:16,753 That will be $19.75. 63 00:08:18,547 --> 00:08:20,214 Here you go. 64 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:23,551 Thank you. 65 00:08:24,845 --> 00:08:28,056 - Will there be anything else? - No, thanks. 66 00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,144 Thanks. 67 00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:14,020 May, get in here! 68 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,211 All right, May, turn off the Bay City Rollers! 69 00:09:38,504 --> 00:09:41,131 The soccer game's about to begin! 70 00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,889 - Hello. - Hi! 71 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,644 We're in here, son! 72 00:09:53,895 --> 00:09:56,105 - Charlie. - How's it going, William? 73 00:09:56,314 --> 00:10:00,067 Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in. 74 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,194 Hi. Hey! 75 00:10:06,408 --> 00:10:08,409 May. Shut it! 76 00:10:10,328 --> 00:10:12,288 - How you doing, Dad? - Fine. 77 00:10:12,539 --> 00:10:16,250 - Come on, Charlie. - Away you go with your mother. 78 00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,712 Why don't you try one of her bras on, wee girl? 79 00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,131 Flaunt away, you fairy! 80 00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:23,465 Hey, Mom. 81 00:10:24,050 --> 00:10:26,385 I brought you guys a haggis. 82 00:10:26,803 --> 00:10:30,389 That's sweet of you, son. Thank you. 83 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,311 I haven't seen one of these for years. 84 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,856 Actually, I hate them. But your father will... 85 00:10:38,858 --> 00:10:44,279 Look. He's giving Tony all that Lyndon H. LaRouche rubbish again. 86 00:10:44,906 --> 00:10:48,783 It's a known fact, Sonny Jim, that a secret society... 87 00:10:49,035 --> 00:10:52,996 ...of the five wealthiest people, known as the Pentavirate... 88 00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:57,292 ...run everything in the world, including the newspapers... 89 00:10:57,543 --> 00:11:01,880 ...and meet tri-annually at a secret mansion in Colorado known as... 90 00:11:02,256 --> 00:11:05,675 ..."The Meadows." - Who's in the Pentavirate? 91 00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:09,512 The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds... 92 00:11:09,722 --> 00:11:12,807 ...and Colonel Sanders, before he went tits-up. 93 00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:17,188 I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes... 94 00:11:17,439 --> 00:11:22,652 ...and that smug look on his face. "You're gonna buy my chicken." 95 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:26,030 Dad, how can you hate the Colonel? 96 00:11:26,281 --> 00:11:29,075 He puts addictive chemicals in chicken... 97 00:11:29,284 --> 00:11:32,203 ...making you crave it fortnightly, smart-ass! 98 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:34,789 Interesting. Cuckoo. 99 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,073 Charlie, would you like a juice? 100 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,912 Look at what I've bought myself, a Juice Tiger. 101 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,665 - A Juice Tiger? - Yes, I juice everything now. 102 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,334 I'm on a new diet. 103 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:54,129 I'm on a Weekly World News Garth Brooks Juice Diet. 104 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,839 Scores! 105 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,468 - Margin, one-nil! - Magic goal! 106 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,137 Let's have a look at the replay. 107 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,807 William, move your head. 108 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,144 Look at the size of that boy's head. 109 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,897 It's like an orange on a toothpick. 110 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:15,567 - You'll give him a complex. - That's a huge noggin. 111 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:19,947 It's a virtual planetoid. Has its own weather system! 112 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,075 Head! Move! 113 00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:28,288 - Your Sherri's late. - Mom... 114 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,582 ...Sherri and I broke up. 115 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,293 Not Sherri? 116 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,422 I liked Sherri. 117 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,008 I didn't like the other girls you brought home. 118 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,972 - Don't make it any harder for me. - Why should I make it easier, son? 119 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:49,017 You were good together, you and Sherri. 120 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:53,564 - I thought you'd marry. - You know I'm terrified of marriage. 121 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,859 I know that, son. I know that. 122 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:02,114 Maybe it's better not to marry. Did you read the paper? 123 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,033 - No. - No? Where did I put it? 124 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,203 Stuart! Bring in the paper! 125 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,122 All right, hon! 126 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:13,000 Head! Paper! Now! 127 00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,044 Move that melon of yours if you can. 128 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,590 Hauling that gargantuan cranium about. 129 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,426 No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. 130 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,012 Spherical, but pointy in parts. 131 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,848 That was offside, wasn't it? 132 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:32,186 He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow. 133 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,899 Mom, why do you refer to Weekly World News... 134 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:41,153 ...as "the paper"? The paper contains facts. 135 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,406 This paper contains facts. 136 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:50,037 And this paper has the eighth-highest circulation in the whole wide world. 137 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:54,166 Plenty of facts. "Pregnant Man Gives Birth." 138 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,293 That's a fact. 139 00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,088 Here it is, look. Read this. 140 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:04,426 "Mrs. X. The honeymoon murderer." 141 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:10,933 She marries men under fake identities and then she murders them. 142 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,477 She's murdered three men already. 143 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,980 Victim number one was a lounge singer. 144 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,776 Victim number two, a Russian martial arts expert. 145 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,319 No! 146 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:27,699 And she's also killed a plumber named Ralph Elliot. 147 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:33,622 And her whereabouts are unknown. 148 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,905 Give us a kiss, Tony, and cheer me up. Good night. 149 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,574 Good night. 150 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:18,375 Wow, you've turned into a sexy wee bastard. You know that? 151 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,168 Thanks, Mrs. MacKenzie. 152 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,504 - Hasn't he? - I think so. 153 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,591 - Good night, Mom. - Good night, Charlie. 154 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:30,762 - Good night, Dad. - Fine, go. You've stayed your hour. 155 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,232 Yes. 156 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,360 - Morning, Charles. - Morning, sir. 157 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,282 Are you working on the forms for the vendor...? 158 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:33,784 Yes, captain. 159 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,745 Tony? Tony? 160 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,586 I don't want to intrude, but you seem a little down. 161 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:49,257 Well, captain, it's about my job. 162 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,762 I'm having doubts about being a cop. 163 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:57,265 It's not like how it is on TV. 164 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,936 I fill out forms and paperwork all day. 165 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:06,400 Point well taken, but even though it's not exciting... 166 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,068 ...it's very important. 167 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,780 Yeah, but of all my times as a cop, I've never... 168 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:15,200 I never chased a guy across a crowded square. 169 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:20,288 I've never hung onto that part of the helicopter. You know that part? 170 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,249 - You know? - I know it. 171 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,503 I've never hung onto that or even commandeered a vehicle. 172 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:30,924 - That sounds like a lot of fun. - That's the other thing. 173 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,592 You're too nice. 174 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972 - I'm too nice? - Yes, you're too nice. 175 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:40,267 Why not be like a Starsky and Hutch captain? 176 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:44,146 Where you haul me in your office and bawl me out... 177 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:48,775 ...because you're tired of defending me from the commissioner. 178 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,654 The truth is, I report to a committee. 179 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:56,783 Some are appointed, elected, or co-opted biannually. 180 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,035 - It's a quorum, so to speak. - A quorum? 181 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:03,957 - Yeah. - I thought I was gonna be Serpico... 182 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,878 ...but instead I'm like Fish from Barney Miller. 183 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,380 Hey, somebody needs a hug. 184 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,841 Captain. 185 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,475 Okay, coming up. 186 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:36,072 - Hi. - Haggis, right? 187 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,201 Yeah, I'm the guy who ordered the haggis. 188 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,204 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 189 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:45,540 - Do you like haggis? - No, it's repellent. 190 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,002 I think Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. 191 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,379 - I'm next. - You're next. 192 00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:52,923 Yes, can I help you? 193 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:58,220 I'll tell you how you can help me. All I want is one New York steak... 194 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:02,098 ...a quarter-inch thick. That's all. No more, no less. 195 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:06,394 - Get it and let me out. - I'm really busy. Be right back. 196 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,567 - It's busy, hey? - It's insane today. 197 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:17,364 My dad's a butcher, and I used to work at his shop. 198 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,575 - I can help you. - I'd love some help. 199 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,245 - Great, what's your name? - Charlie. 200 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,121 - Harriet. - Hi, Harriet. 201 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,208 - Could you get four porterhouses? - Okay. 202 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,514 Just kidding. 203 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,141 Hi. 204 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,660 So do you live in New York? 205 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,203 Really? 206 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:52,667 Just tell me if that's too tense. You guide me. You guide me. 207 00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:01,009 Mom, can you get the school nurse? 208 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,428 Get the school nurse! Help me! 209 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,514 It was an accident in shop. 210 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:11,186 Get me a tourniquet? Anything. 211 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:25,200 Thanks for helping me out at the butcher shop. 212 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,370 - You were really nice. - Oh, I was nice? 213 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:32,832 "Nice." Evidently you think of me as a woman friend. 214 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:36,211 - And what is wrong with being nice? - Nothing. 215 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:37,879 - Charlie? - Yes? 216 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:41,591 - Name a bad thing you've done. - I've done bad things. 217 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:46,012 Tell me one bad thing you've done, and it better be evil. 218 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,059 - How evil? - Really evil. 219 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:55,105 So evil that you would say it was "e-vil." 220 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:59,067 Like it's the fruits of the Devil. "E-vil." 221 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:04,531 For example, how many people have you brutally murdered? 222 00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:09,244 "Brutal" is a very subjective word. 223 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:14,916 What's brutal to one person might be reasonable to somebody else. 224 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,645 Excuse me. 225 00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:52,787 Do you know Russian? 226 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,124 Yeah. 227 00:22:56,542 --> 00:23:00,420 Oh, this hurts. No, this is hard. 228 00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,923 Not only are you extremely good-looking... 229 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:07,969 ...but you're also very smart and that's no fair. 230 00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:11,139 - That's hard. - Bright women intimidate you? 231 00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,808 No, no. Not at all. 232 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:17,937 But it's a shame I'm going to have to destroy you. 233 00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:27,322 - Charlie, come here! - Nadia... 234 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,074 ...I am coming. 235 00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:37,582 Expand, contract, expand. 236 00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:41,336 What do you look for in a woman you date? 237 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,674 I know everyone always says sense of humour... 238 00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,719 ...but I have to go with breast size. 239 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,388 Oh, my God. 240 00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:56,017 Come! Let us dance like children of the night. 241 00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:09,114 - Here we are. - Wow, what a great place. 242 00:24:09,824 --> 00:24:12,033 - Some tea? - Sure. 243 00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:14,536 Well, show yourself around. 244 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:24,629 You know what this place needs? A large poster of Atlantic City. 245 00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:28,550 Oh, look, you got one! 246 00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:31,678 I used to live there. I have herbal teas: 247 00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:34,264 Cubby Wubby Womb Room tea... 248 00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:38,017 ...and Morning Thunder. - I'll go with Cubby Wubby. 249 00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:40,395 All right, thanks. 250 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,737 What's this? 251 00:24:57,163 --> 00:25:01,166 I had a friend who was a martial arts expert and... 252 00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:04,961 - Oh, you had a friend? - It's a martial arts thing. 253 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,964 I thought it would look good on the wall. 254 00:25:08,257 --> 00:25:10,258 It does. 255 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:13,553 You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. 256 00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:15,388 It's called "fuck you!" 257 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,686 It's mostly head-butting and kicking people on the ground. 258 00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:37,118 - It's late. - Not for me. 259 00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:41,080 - Who for, then? - Who for, then, what? 260 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:44,626 If not for you, I wonder who it is late for. 261 00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:48,588 Not me, no. I like the nightlife. 262 00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:50,215 I like to boogie. 263 00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:53,927 I'll make the tea, then. 264 00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:08,983 You know... 265 00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,614 ...maybe it is late. 266 00:26:14,949 --> 00:26:18,826 I'll be honest with you. I had a great time tonight... 267 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,789 ...and I'd really love to kiss you. 268 00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:28,378 But if I kiss you, we'll end up on the couch, and if we end up there... 269 00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:32,548 ...chances are we'll kiss in the bedroom... 270 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,969 ...and that's the part I always rush into. 271 00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:40,473 It's not a good idea to rush into spending the night together. 272 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:45,311 - I want to spend the night together. - I have no problem with that. 273 00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,773 You're it. 274 00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:51,859 Come here! 275 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,861 Oh, no! Oh, God! 276 00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:10,086 Yes. 277 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,341 Ralph! 278 00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,846 I will. I will. 279 00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:23,016 Wait, not now! Not now! 280 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,727 Ralph! Ralph! 281 00:27:27,688 --> 00:27:30,231 Harriet. Harriet. 282 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:32,608 You were having a dream. 283 00:27:35,029 --> 00:27:37,864 And you kept saying the name "Ralph." 284 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:46,581 - Ralph? - Yeah, you kept saying "Ralph." 285 00:27:52,755 --> 00:27:54,922 She's my friend. 286 00:27:56,467 --> 00:28:05,600 She's your friend. Ralph. 287 00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:07,602 Ralph. She. 288 00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:45,973 I'm sorry! I thought you were somebody else! 289 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:07,954 Hi. 290 00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:13,418 I'm Harriet's friend, Charlie. You must be Ralph? 291 00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:15,962 I'm Harriet's sister, Rose. 292 00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:20,216 - She gave me a note to give to you. - Great. 293 00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:23,970 "Dear Charlie, I didn't want to wake you. 294 00:29:24,304 --> 00:29:28,349 Make yourself at home and thanks for the... 295 00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:30,935 ...hot dog. Harriet." 296 00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:35,481 That's a very nice note. 297 00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:41,320 - Let me make you some breakfast. - I'd love to, but I'm running late. 298 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,073 How do silver-dollar pancakes... 299 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:48,536 ...fresh orange juice, bacon and Kona coffee sound? 300 00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:50,204 It sounds great. 301 00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:58,963 Sorry. I didn't have those other things. 302 00:29:59,339 --> 00:30:02,842 That's fine. That other stuff will kill you. 303 00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:08,222 Whereas Froot Loops are light and reasonably high in fibre. 304 00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:12,560 - I care for Apple Jacks a great deal. - Got them. 305 00:30:12,978 --> 00:30:14,061 Good. 306 00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:19,066 So, is this your place? 307 00:30:19,276 --> 00:30:23,112 No, this is our place. Harriet's and mine. 308 00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:27,241 She sort of comes and goes but always ends up here. 309 00:30:28,619 --> 00:30:30,244 She didn't speak of me? 310 00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:34,248 No, she didn't speak of you. 311 00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:39,295 She mentioned a martial arts guy, and there was discussion about Ralph? 312 00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:43,424 Oh, really? She spoke about them? 313 00:30:44,051 --> 00:30:49,430 She talked about the martial arts guy and kind of shouted "Ralph." 314 00:30:58,565 --> 00:31:02,902 - Well, you know Harriet. - Actually, I don't. 315 00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:06,781 - But you did have sex with her. - Hello! 316 00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,450 I'm gonna go now. 317 00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,915 I won't tell Harriet that anything happened. 318 00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:18,918 Well, Rose. Rose. 319 00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:23,673 Nothing did happen. 320 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:27,969 Don't worry, Charlie. Just be careful. 321 00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:36,185 "Just be careful." 322 00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:43,442 I had the greatest night of my life last night. 323 00:32:09,469 --> 00:32:13,973 - Sounds like you really like her. - I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit. 324 00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:17,852 She is wonderful. But we shouldn't talk about it. 325 00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:21,022 I'll start analysing it, and that's no good. 326 00:32:21,231 --> 00:32:25,026 That is good. You should just let it happen. Relax. 327 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:29,363 I am a park ranger, and I will lead you on the tour. 328 00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:33,868 All the rangers at Alcatraz were once guards, myself included. 329 00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:37,747 My name is John Johnson, but everyone calls me Vickie. 330 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,415 Please follow me. 331 00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:43,711 - I love Vickie. He's great. - He's the best. 332 00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:47,548 This is the main cellblock area. 333 00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:50,843 Home to such famous criminals as Al Capone... 334 00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:54,055 ...Mickey Cohen, Joseph "Dutch" Cretzer... 335 00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:58,893 ...and Robert Stroud, the famous Birdman of Alcatraz. 336 00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:04,357 This time will be different. If something happens, I'll let it go. 337 00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:07,568 It's not my business. For example, Ralph. 338 00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,071 She says "Ralph" in her sleep. So what? 339 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,405 Ralph? 340 00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:14,033 This cell's for solitary confinement... 341 00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:17,286 ...that's come to be known as Times Square. 342 00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:19,955 Make sure everyone gets a look. 343 00:33:22,292 --> 00:33:23,542 So who's Ralph? 344 00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:27,463 I don't know. More importantly, I don't want to know. 345 00:33:27,714 --> 00:33:29,590 That's good. 346 00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:33,594 Did you and Harriet, you know, last night? 347 00:33:33,804 --> 00:33:35,221 Okay, dirtbag. 348 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:39,809 All you have to know is that Harriet's a sweet and loving person. 349 00:33:40,102 --> 00:33:42,937 Well, that's good. That's nice. 350 00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,815 - And yes, we did. - All right! 351 00:33:46,483 --> 00:33:49,610 Close it up, close it up, close it up. 352 00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:56,909 This is something the other tour guides won't tell you. 353 00:33:57,244 --> 00:34:00,079 In this cellblock, Machine Gun Kelly... 354 00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:05,000 ...had what we call in the prison system, a bitch. 355 00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:10,631 One night, in a jealous rage, Kelly took a makeshift knife, or shiv... 356 00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:14,927 ...and cut out the bitch's eyes. 357 00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:18,806 - Another thing about Harriet I love... - No, no. 358 00:34:26,982 --> 00:34:30,484 And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly... 359 00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:36,115 ...the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing... 360 00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:40,286 ...into the bitch's ocular cavities. 361 00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,500 This way to the cafeteria. 362 00:34:47,836 --> 00:34:50,171 Tony, I'm really happy. 363 00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:53,466 Please, don't let me screw this one up. 364 00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:55,885 - I'll try. - Alrighty. Thanks. 365 00:34:56,178 --> 00:35:00,806 - That ocular cavity thing was... - When he mentioned pissing into... 366 00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:04,745 Okay, I got another one. What's worse? 367 00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:09,208 The cable goes out and you're left with synchronized swimming... 368 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,210 ...or... 369 00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:12,586 Okay. 370 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:15,589 You're stuck on the Bay Bridge in traffic... 371 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:21,053 ...and you've just had two strong cups of coffee and three bran muffins. 372 00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:27,434 - No, wait. I have a good one. - Hello! Hello! 373 00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:30,980 What's worse? You go to your favourite restaurant... 374 00:36:31,273 --> 00:36:33,774 ...order your favourite meal, take a bite... 375 00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:37,987 ...and under the steak is a scabby Band-Aid. 376 00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:39,280 Or... 377 00:36:43,994 --> 00:36:46,245 Or being electrocuted. 378 00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,084 And? 379 00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:57,464 That's it. I was electrocuted once. It was horrible. 380 00:36:57,632 --> 00:37:00,634 - Oh, well, that's... - That's a crying shame. 381 00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:06,473 Can we get our cheque, please? Thanks a lot. 382 00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,934 Electrocuted. 383 00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:10,185 That was funny. 384 00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:12,313 - I'll get that. - No, I got it. 385 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:16,442 - I'll get it. Charlie. - No, it's mine. No, no, no. 386 00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:20,654 - I got it. I insist. - No, no, no. 387 00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,323 - "No" infinity. - Come on. 388 00:37:22,616 --> 00:37:27,953 - Negatory, good buddy. - You're embarrassing me. 389 00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:30,414 - I'll pick up the cheque. - Okay. 390 00:37:34,628 --> 00:37:36,337 You want to catch a cab? 391 00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:39,673 - I'd like to walk. - Come on, it's raining. 392 00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:42,718 - I'd like to walk. - Me too. 393 00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:45,471 - All right. See you later. - Bye. 394 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,723 Nice meeting you. 395 00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,732 - Well, it's officially raining. - It's just a drizzle. 396 00:37:57,025 --> 00:38:02,363 You know, I love that you wanted to walk in the rain. 397 00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:05,866 I'm glad you're meeting my parents tomorrow. 398 00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:07,826 You know what, Charlie? 399 00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:11,664 It's strange, but I feel really safe with you. 400 00:38:11,873 --> 00:38:15,501 Like in old movies when people never left each other. 401 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,587 I mean, they stayed together forever. 402 00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:36,397 It's a great house. 403 00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:39,274 They moved in the day they were married. 404 00:38:39,567 --> 00:38:43,112 I'm throwing them a 30th wedding anniversary party. 405 00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:53,038 Mom, Dad, we're here. 406 00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:55,082 Stuart! 407 00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:03,382 Charlie! 408 00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:08,595 Is this the wee Harriet? She's absolutely beautiful. 409 00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,765 And you're very, very welcome. 410 00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:14,101 I hope you hold on to this one. 411 00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:17,813 You have the face of a wee angel, do you know that? 412 00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:22,401 I give! I give! I'm Charlie's father. 413 00:39:23,069 --> 00:39:26,822 Sorry. I'm sorry. You surprised me. I'm sorry. 414 00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:31,410 I like this one, Charlie. She's quite a filly. 415 00:39:31,619 --> 00:39:34,288 Charlie tells me you're a butcher. 416 00:39:34,581 --> 00:39:36,540 Yes, I am a butcher. 417 00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:38,917 Do you link your own sausage? 418 00:39:39,794 --> 00:39:40,794 I do. 419 00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:44,757 - Why don't you put your trousers on? - Hold your horses. 420 00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:48,302 Head! Pants! Now! 421 00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:52,264 Why don't you come with me? 422 00:39:52,474 --> 00:39:56,143 I have wonderful photos of when he was a wee baby. 423 00:39:56,436 --> 00:39:59,855 Like one of him shitting his pants at Niagara Falls. 424 00:40:00,148 --> 00:40:02,483 Come on, don't show her the pictures. 425 00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:07,863 Lighten up, Charlie. You've got a pickle up your ass again. 426 00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:14,995 I'm going to the washroom, okay? 427 00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:18,499 Evidently, I have a pickle up my ass. 428 00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:23,128 - You'll be okay if I leave you? - Fine. Don't worry about me. 429 00:40:25,173 --> 00:40:27,299 Make sure there's enough paper. 430 00:40:27,509 --> 00:40:31,095 And Charlie, light a match! 431 00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:34,348 Are you away to crap, again? 432 00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,524 What a cute baby Charlie was! 433 00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:47,027 You okay in there? You didn't fall in there, did you? 434 00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:35,409 I can't believe the resemblance between you and Charlie. 435 00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:36,743 Thank you. 436 00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:41,790 That's enough about us. Tell me something about yourself. 437 00:41:42,083 --> 00:41:44,918 Have you always lived in San Francisco? 438 00:41:46,087 --> 00:41:49,882 No, actually I moved around quite a bit. 439 00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:07,774 I had a really great time with your family tonight. 440 00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:13,822 Oh, great. 441 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:20,287 You know that martial arts expert friend you had? 442 00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:28,962 Was that here in San Francisco? 443 00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:33,467 No, actually it was Miami. 444 00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:36,970 Your family's really great, Charlie. 445 00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:42,226 - When your mother took out... - Was that before Atlantic City? 446 00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:46,813 It's a period in my life that I really don't like talking about. 447 00:42:48,858 --> 00:42:50,525 Charlie. 448 00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:54,780 I hated Atlantic City, Charlie. 449 00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:58,659 It's a town full of gamblers and lounge singers. 450 00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:13,674 Ralph? 451 00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:16,385 No. No. 452 00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:19,513 Oh, Ralph. 453 00:43:25,979 --> 00:43:28,272 Have you heard of this? Mrs. X. 454 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,148 She murders her husbands... 455 00:43:30,316 --> 00:43:33,151 ...then changes her identity and marries again. 456 00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:36,029 I never heard of it. So what? 457 00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:41,034 I think I'm dating Mrs. X. 458 00:43:42,704 --> 00:43:44,496 Charlie. 459 00:43:46,708 --> 00:43:50,294 Two words. Therapy. 460 00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,590 She told me she dated a martial arts expert. 461 00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,053 It says that one of the victims was a martial arts expert. 462 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:04,558 Last night, she put a move on my dad and tried to break his neck. 463 00:44:04,809 --> 00:44:08,395 About 1000 people have tried to break his neck. 464 00:44:08,688 --> 00:44:13,066 If they also say "Ralph" in their sleep, it's a good start. 465 00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:15,068 Look here, "Ralph Elliot. 466 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:20,032 Plumber from Dallas. Missing since his honeymoon." 467 00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:23,410 - Charlie, you're just getting scared. - Yes. 468 00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:25,620 - Harriet could be the one. - Yes. 469 00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:29,624 You suspect her, because you're scared you'll marry her. 470 00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:31,543 And to you that's death. 471 00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:34,588 Come on, just read it, okay? 472 00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:40,344 - Read it. For me, just read it? - Okay. 473 00:44:45,224 --> 00:44:47,768 - "Larry Leonard, the croner..." - Crooner. 474 00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,770 "...made a name for himself... 475 00:44:49,979 --> 00:44:53,857 ...being able to sing, in six languages, 'Only You."' 476 00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:57,069 Does Harriet know the words to "Only You"? 477 00:44:57,779 --> 00:45:00,155 We haven't reached that critical... 478 00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:03,283 ..."do you know the words to 'Only You"' phase. 479 00:45:03,576 --> 00:45:06,870 - So I'm afraid I'm not much help. - Charlie! 480 00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:09,247 You gotta move past this! 481 00:45:09,457 --> 00:45:13,752 I'm worried. You're living according to the Weekly World News. 482 00:45:13,961 --> 00:45:19,424 It's the 8th highest circulating paper in the world, I'll have you know. 483 00:45:19,801 --> 00:45:21,802 Look, Tony, Mrs. X. 484 00:45:22,011 --> 00:45:24,596 Please, look it up, okay? 485 00:45:24,806 --> 00:45:27,682 For me? Indulge me? 486 00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:30,936 There's no record of deaths. 487 00:45:31,145 --> 00:45:35,941 All three were reported missing, but so were their wives. 488 00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:40,695 No picture of any brides. For all we know, they just moved away. 489 00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:44,282 That's true. You're gonna have to realise that. 490 00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,329 I would lie to you, but Kathy always tells the truth. 491 00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:51,164 Understood. 492 00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:52,833 You feel better now? 493 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:56,461 - I guess so. - Good, good. Come on. 494 00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:05,220 I'm Maureen O'Boyle. Welcome to A Current Affair. 495 00:46:05,471 --> 00:46:08,682 Tonight: Amy, did she or didn't she? 496 00:46:08,933 --> 00:46:12,144 Then, the reptile that took Hollywood by storm. 497 00:46:14,814 --> 00:46:19,025 But first, the Justice Department reports an alarming rise... 498 00:46:19,235 --> 00:46:22,529 ...in the number of poisoning murders. 499 00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:27,200 And that 87 percent of the murders occur within the family... 500 00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:31,830 ...a scourge which seems to be reaching into every home. 501 00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:35,584 Steve Dunleavy examines poisoning murders. Steve. 502 00:46:35,877 --> 00:46:39,171 The most common poisonings occur between couples. 503 00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:43,008 For reasons as varied as insurance fraud, jealousy... 504 00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:46,219 ...and pure psychopathic behaviour. 505 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,388 - Hi. - Hi. Hi. 506 00:46:51,267 --> 00:46:53,560 I have a surprise for you. 507 00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:54,895 What is it? 508 00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:57,189 It's a health shake. 509 00:46:58,399 --> 00:47:00,734 I made it especially for you. 510 00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:02,277 Try it. 511 00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:07,574 Thank you, no. Thanks. 512 00:47:08,576 --> 00:47:11,745 You'll like it, Charlie. Just take a sip. 513 00:47:12,038 --> 00:47:16,249 I have kitten breath. I'm just gonna go brush my teeth. 514 00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:18,627 Why don't you just taste it? 515 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,213 It's got strawberries. Taste it. 516 00:47:21,422 --> 00:47:23,256 I spent 20 minutes making it. 517 00:47:23,424 --> 00:47:27,719 - One little sip. It wouldn't hurt... - I'm just gonna go. 518 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,104 Fine. Forget it. Forget it. 519 00:48:21,107 --> 00:48:22,983 I'm sorry. 520 00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:25,277 That's okay. 521 00:48:25,820 --> 00:48:29,489 I'm just sensitive. 522 00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:34,327 I mean, you didn't drink my shake. So what? Right? 523 00:48:34,495 --> 00:48:38,999 Look, you spent a half an hour on it. I understand. 524 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:40,875 - Let's scratch. - It's depressing. 525 00:48:41,127 --> 00:48:42,502 - Scratch. - Scratch? 526 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:43,670 Scratch. 527 00:48:43,838 --> 00:48:46,840 Come on. Let's do a little scratching. 528 00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:49,676 There you go. Scratching. 529 00:48:49,885 --> 00:48:51,970 - Golden Gate Bridge. - Golden. 530 00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:55,098 - Presidio. Union Square. - Got it. 531 00:48:55,349 --> 00:48:56,850 - Little Japan. - Got it. 532 00:48:57,143 --> 00:48:58,852 Union Square. 533 00:48:59,145 --> 00:49:02,856 - Oakland. Oakland. - Oakland. 534 00:49:03,107 --> 00:49:05,900 Can you reach around and get Coit Tower? 535 00:49:06,152 --> 00:49:08,194 - San Andreas Fault. - Charlie. 536 00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:11,031 You know what I like best about you? 537 00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:15,035 I can tell you anything, and you don't judge me. 538 00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:20,540 Charlie, have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff... 539 00:49:20,750 --> 00:49:24,002 ...or subway platform with someone... 540 00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:27,839 ...and you thought just for a split second: 541 00:49:28,924 --> 00:49:30,925 What if I pushed him? 542 00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:35,388 I follow the Judeo-Christian ethic of "Thou shalt not kill." 543 00:49:35,681 --> 00:49:39,392 - But that's just me. - I'm just making a point... 544 00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:43,229 ...of how many times we trust people with our lives. 545 00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:44,856 I mean, look at us. 546 00:49:45,066 --> 00:49:48,068 Look how vulnerable we are, sleeping. 547 00:49:48,277 --> 00:49:51,863 I could do anything to you in your sleep. 548 00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:53,448 Like what? 549 00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:55,450 Anything. 550 00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:59,371 You're on your side, asleep, I could... 551 00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:02,874 ...stick a needle in your... 552 00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:09,089 Charlie! Jesus! 553 00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:12,926 I'm showing you we have a good relationship! 554 00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:16,054 I'm sorry, but I have an ear thing. 555 00:50:16,263 --> 00:50:20,392 In an episode of Night Gallery, this guy gets an earwig. 556 00:50:20,601 --> 00:50:23,770 They said the good news is, we got the earwig... 557 00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:27,065 ...but the bad news is, it was a female. 558 00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:28,817 - I'm sorry. - Good night. 559 00:50:29,068 --> 00:50:30,985 - I have an ear thing. - Good night. 560 00:50:31,278 --> 00:50:33,613 I'm sorry. 561 00:50:33,906 --> 00:50:38,493 - I'm a human blanket. - Get off. Just, good night. 562 00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:43,957 Well, good night. 563 00:51:07,314 --> 00:51:08,815 Can I help you? 564 00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:11,317 I'd like to place an announcement. 565 00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:14,320 It's my parents' 30th anniversary. 566 00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:16,656 That's $4.50 per word... 567 00:51:16,866 --> 00:51:20,326 ...and you've got a choice of standard or bold. 568 00:51:20,619 --> 00:51:22,996 You having a busy week, Frank? 569 00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:27,500 No, just these two. It's been dead around here. 570 00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:32,839 I got this tourist, heart attack on a cable car. 571 00:51:33,132 --> 00:51:36,050 Guy left his heart in San Francisco. 572 00:51:37,636 --> 00:51:39,179 Hey! 573 00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:43,141 That's a real person you're talking about. 574 00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:45,518 All right, I'm sorry. 575 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:50,315 There's another one. San Francisco plumber: Elliot, Ralph. 576 00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:54,027 Disappeared four months ago. 577 00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:56,988 The body was found in a sewer. 578 00:51:57,198 --> 00:52:01,201 Guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. 579 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,373 Did they mention his wife? 580 00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:12,378 I know that we're talking about real people here, so I'm sorry. 581 00:52:12,546 --> 00:52:15,048 Seriously, did they mention the wife? 582 00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:19,886 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to joke about other people's lives. 583 00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:22,555 I'm serious. Did they mention...? 584 00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:26,100 You win, okay? I'm a bad person. 585 00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:29,395 - Take it easy. - No, he's saying I'm a shit. 586 00:52:29,605 --> 00:52:31,105 Did they mention the wife? 587 00:52:31,357 --> 00:52:33,024 Did they mention the wife?! 588 00:52:33,234 --> 00:52:37,570 No! They didn't mention the wife! You happy? 589 00:52:37,863 --> 00:52:41,574 Yes, I'm insensitive! I'm a very insensitive man! 590 00:52:41,826 --> 00:52:47,205 Stop! Look at the insensitive man! That's why they pay you! 591 00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:51,751 He was my ride home. 592 00:52:53,963 --> 00:52:55,755 Understood. 593 00:52:58,926 --> 00:53:02,262 Why did you have to see me so urgently? 594 00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:04,430 You couldn't come to my apartment? 595 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,766 It's just safer here. 596 00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:09,477 What? Charlie. 597 00:53:12,356 --> 00:53:14,107 I'm sorry. 598 00:53:14,567 --> 00:53:17,235 I think you're a terrific woman. 599 00:53:18,571 --> 00:53:21,948 I just don't think we should see each other anymore. 600 00:53:24,952 --> 00:53:27,954 Why? And tell me the truth. 601 00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:33,418 I'm afraid that you're gonna k... Leave me. 602 00:53:34,128 --> 00:53:36,421 I'm gonna cleave you? 603 00:53:36,922 --> 00:53:39,799 - What does that mean? - No, leave me. 604 00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:41,801 That you'll reject me. 605 00:53:42,011 --> 00:53:46,139 So I just thought I'd do a preemptive strike. 606 00:53:46,307 --> 00:53:49,142 So you're rejecting me? 607 00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:52,478 I didn't mean to hurt you. 608 00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:55,607 I never wanted to hurt you. 609 00:53:58,110 --> 00:54:00,194 Don't worry, you haven't. 610 00:54:00,487 --> 00:54:02,655 At least you left early on. 611 00:54:06,452 --> 00:54:09,996 So that's it, then? 612 00:54:14,335 --> 00:54:17,045 Because I gotta get back to work. 613 00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:03,549 Woman Woe man 614 00:55:03,759 --> 00:55:06,552 Whoa man 615 00:55:06,762 --> 00:55:10,348 We had love not just sex Is she Mrs. X? 616 00:55:10,557 --> 00:55:14,394 I had to run for my life 617 00:55:23,404 --> 00:55:27,573 Jane, get me off of this crazy thing 618 00:55:27,741 --> 00:55:29,617 Called love 619 00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:07,113 Hello. 620 00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:11,576 Not that it matters, but I thought you'd like to know... 621 00:56:11,785 --> 00:56:14,245 ...somebody admitted murdering Ralph. 622 00:56:14,455 --> 00:56:16,581 What about the others? 623 00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:18,958 She just confessed to the one. 624 00:56:19,251 --> 00:56:23,087 Anyway, crime to stop. Gotta go. Catch you later. 625 00:56:44,068 --> 00:56:46,277 - It's me, Charlie. - Go away. 626 00:56:46,487 --> 00:56:51,199 I gotta talk to you. I made a big mistake. I'm an idiot. 627 00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:53,493 I'll go into therapy, okay? 628 00:56:53,702 --> 00:56:58,873 I'll go twice a week. I don't know if insurance will cover it, but... 629 00:57:01,835 --> 00:57:03,127 What is it? 630 00:57:03,796 --> 00:57:05,588 Hi, Charlie. 631 00:57:16,183 --> 00:57:17,850 I don't want to lose you. 632 00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:20,394 You didn't. You rejected me. 633 00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:24,357 Okay, I'm un-rejecting you. 634 00:57:26,819 --> 00:57:30,530 You'll do it again, Charlie. You'll do it again. 635 00:57:30,864 --> 00:57:33,908 No, I'm not gonna do it again. 636 00:57:36,203 --> 00:57:38,746 Look, I got scared, okay? 637 00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:43,918 Things were going really good and then I just got scared. 638 00:57:49,591 --> 00:57:51,551 I love you. 639 00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:55,388 I love you too. 640 00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:04,188 But you blew it, Charlie. You blew it. 641 00:58:27,087 --> 00:58:29,922 Harriet, Harriet 642 00:58:30,174 --> 00:58:34,051 Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis 643 00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:37,680 Beautiful, bemused 644 00:58:37,890 --> 00:58:40,933 Bellicose butcher 645 00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:44,228 Untrusting 646 00:58:44,605 --> 00:58:47,315 Unknowing 647 00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:50,943 Unlov�d 648 00:58:57,951 --> 00:59:00,995 He wants you back He screams into the night air 649 00:59:01,288 --> 00:59:05,458 Like a fireman going to a window That has no fire 650 00:59:09,796 --> 00:59:13,132 Except the passion of his heart 651 00:59:13,717 --> 00:59:15,927 I am lonely 652 00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:19,472 It's really hard 653 00:59:20,515 --> 00:59:22,934 This poem sucks 654 01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:06,352 I'm sorry I didn't trust you. 655 01:00:08,021 --> 01:00:11,357 Harriet, somebody's downstairs to see you. 656 01:00:12,776 --> 01:00:17,655 She'll be down in a moment. And could you bring the car around? 657 01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:19,865 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 658 01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:23,703 Charlie, come here. I want you to meet a friend. 659 01:00:23,912 --> 01:00:25,705 This is Ralph. 660 01:00:26,707 --> 01:00:30,376 Ralph? Ralph? This is Ralph? 661 01:00:30,711 --> 01:00:33,045 - This is Ralph? - Come on. 662 01:00:37,509 --> 01:00:38,884 This is Charlie. 663 01:00:39,386 --> 01:00:42,680 - Great to meet you. - No, it's great to meet you. 664 01:00:42,889 --> 01:00:45,599 Yes, I love you so much. 665 01:00:45,851 --> 01:00:47,184 Oh, God! 666 01:00:48,061 --> 01:00:49,937 Charlie. 667 01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:52,398 I'm naked, aren't I? 668 01:00:52,607 --> 01:00:56,902 Yes. Yes, you are naked. 669 01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:09,832 Okay. I was just naked then. Very nude. 670 01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:16,130 Nice to meet you and call me? 671 01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:18,090 I will. 672 01:01:47,913 --> 01:01:48,996 Shut it! 673 01:01:53,251 --> 01:01:56,462 I'd like to propose a toast. 674 01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:59,799 To my wife, May. 675 01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:05,888 Thirty years ago today, May and I were married. 676 01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:09,809 Some of you were there. Some weren't born. 677 01:02:09,976 --> 01:02:12,269 And some of you are now dead! 678 01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:17,817 But we both said, "I do," and we haven't agreed on a thing since. 679 01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:21,112 That's true. 680 01:02:21,321 --> 01:02:23,656 But I'm glad I married you... 681 01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:27,201 ...because it could have been worse. 682 01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,331 And besides... 683 01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:35,000 ...I still love you. 684 01:02:43,510 --> 01:02:44,552 Thank you. 685 01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:54,478 Tony, would you like to dance? 686 01:02:57,858 --> 01:02:59,692 Let's dance. 687 01:03:06,992 --> 01:03:09,702 It must be a great feeling to have... 688 01:03:11,329 --> 01:03:12,538 You okay? 689 01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:15,791 No, I'm not. Harriet. 690 01:03:18,086 --> 01:03:19,712 Marry me. 691 01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:22,715 No. 692 01:03:25,093 --> 01:03:26,385 Please? 693 01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:29,847 Why not just live together? 694 01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:33,893 We could live together first. Let's just live together. 695 01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:37,480 Because I love you. We should get married... 696 01:03:37,731 --> 01:03:41,567 ...and spend the next 30 years of our life together. 697 01:03:41,776 --> 01:03:47,239 I want you to have my children. And I want you to have your children. 698 01:03:47,407 --> 01:03:51,285 That sounds like an awful lot of children, but... 699 01:03:53,413 --> 01:03:54,788 I love you. 700 01:03:56,249 --> 01:03:58,083 I need you. 701 01:03:59,252 --> 01:04:02,046 Let's just get married. Okay? 702 01:04:02,506 --> 01:04:04,089 Harriet... 703 01:04:05,008 --> 01:04:06,258 ...be my wife. 704 01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:09,929 All right, everyone, shut your cake hole! 705 01:04:10,555 --> 01:04:15,100 I'd like to make a toast to my son, Charlie. 706 01:04:15,644 --> 01:04:18,395 Thanks for throwing this great party. 707 01:04:18,897 --> 01:04:22,942 I hope you have the same great 30 years that we've had. 708 01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:25,402 To Charlie! 709 01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:32,660 Yes. 710 01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:33,953 You will? 711 01:04:34,162 --> 01:04:36,455 Let's get married, Charlie. 712 01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:48,133 Now, Mr. MacKenzie, if you will take this woman to be your wife... 713 01:04:48,426 --> 01:04:53,097 ...through thick and thin, for better or for worse... 714 01:04:53,306 --> 01:04:54,974 ...please say "I do." 715 01:04:55,767 --> 01:04:56,850 I do. 716 01:04:57,143 --> 01:05:01,981 Now, Harriet, if you will take this man through good times and bad... 717 01:05:02,190 --> 01:05:07,319 ...forever and ever as your husband, please say "I do." 718 01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:22,960 I do. 719 01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:28,215 Now, Charlie, kiss the beautiful bride. 720 01:05:53,033 --> 01:05:56,118 Let's get pissed! 721 01:06:34,866 --> 01:06:36,742 Hang a solo! 722 01:06:57,263 --> 01:07:01,975 We have a piper who's down. It's all right, he's just pissed. 723 01:07:02,227 --> 01:07:06,605 We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 724 01:07:11,069 --> 01:07:13,237 This is such a great party. 725 01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:15,447 - It is. - The marriage was beautiful. 726 01:07:15,740 --> 01:07:16,949 - It was. - It was great. 727 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,576 Yeah. She's great, isn't she? 728 01:07:19,786 --> 01:07:22,121 She's the best. She's incredible. 729 01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:26,208 You've been such a chicken, and finally, you met the one. 730 01:07:26,459 --> 01:07:28,752 How could you think she was a killer? 731 01:07:46,479 --> 01:07:51,233 Come here, Charlie. Come stand by me, Charlie. 732 01:09:04,891 --> 01:09:08,602 Wait till you see this place. It's called Poets' Corner. 733 01:09:08,895 --> 01:09:11,438 A lot of the Beat poets used to go there. 734 01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:21,073 You're really quiet. 735 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,743 Oh, I'm just thinking. 736 01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:26,912 Oh, okay. Well... 737 01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:31,250 Why don't I do the talking for you, all right? 738 01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,418 Hi, my name is Harriet. 739 01:09:33,711 --> 01:09:37,756 Hi, Harriet. How's it going? Good, good, I suppose. 740 01:09:37,966 --> 01:09:41,593 I think you're great, Charlie. Everything you do is art. 741 01:09:41,845 --> 01:09:46,431 You're a sex machine. Get on the scene with the sex machine. 742 01:09:46,641 --> 01:09:51,436 Thank you very much. You're the best husband I ever had... 743 01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:53,939 Why did you just say that? 744 01:09:54,566 --> 01:09:55,983 It was a joke. 745 01:09:56,276 --> 01:09:58,443 Why did you say it? 746 01:09:58,736 --> 01:10:00,487 I thought it might be funny. 747 01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:04,449 Nothing, I just think you're a great person. That's all. 748 01:10:05,577 --> 01:10:06,910 What? 749 01:10:07,453 --> 01:10:11,498 - You're the best. - No, no, no! Watch out! 750 01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:23,552 I hear you've been working the Ralph Elliot case. 751 01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,388 - Yes, captain. - Don't "yes" me. 752 01:10:26,764 --> 01:10:28,640 This is strictly homicide. 753 01:10:29,058 --> 01:10:30,309 I got a friend... 754 01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:33,729 We all got these friends. I'm warning you. 755 01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:38,233 Back off, Italian boy. Keep away from this. It's too big. 756 01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,569 Wait a minute. 757 01:10:40,987 --> 01:10:45,115 Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. What's the news? 758 01:10:45,325 --> 01:10:48,160 You want to hear news? Here's the news. 759 01:10:48,494 --> 01:10:51,663 The lady that confessed to Elliot's murder has... 760 01:10:51,915 --> 01:10:53,457 ...confessed to other crimes. 761 01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:54,917 I knew she would. 762 01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:57,628 To the murders of Abraham Lincoln... 763 01:10:57,879 --> 01:11:02,007 ...Warren G. Harding and Julius Caesar. She's a nutcase. 764 01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:04,593 Oh, my God! I gotta go. 765 01:11:06,679 --> 01:11:11,683 Screw this up, and you'll be writing parking tickets forever. 766 01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:16,355 Captain, I won't let you down. 767 01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:24,112 Good for you. That was better. 768 01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:26,198 - Yeah? - It was fantastic. 769 01:11:26,449 --> 01:11:28,951 - The beginning felt good. - It was great. 770 01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,619 Too much in the end. 771 01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,204 No, it was terrific. 772 01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:35,499 - I need to save a life. - I'll work on it. 773 01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:37,542 Work on it, it was terrific. 774 01:11:37,794 --> 01:11:39,628 It was a big improvement. 775 01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:41,171 Thanks. 776 01:12:01,234 --> 01:12:03,485 That is Ralph Elliot's wife. 777 01:12:03,695 --> 01:12:07,155 Of course her hair was much shorter then. 778 01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:11,451 She's gained weight since then... 779 01:12:11,661 --> 01:12:14,413 ...but it's definitely her. 780 01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:18,458 Yeah, that's her. He was really in love with her... 781 01:12:18,710 --> 01:12:22,671 ...but I tell you, she was fun, and smart. Doll-face too. 782 01:12:38,438 --> 01:12:40,439 Thank you very much. Thank you. 783 01:12:44,277 --> 01:12:45,944 This is really cool. 784 01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:48,780 Hi. 785 01:12:49,449 --> 01:12:52,117 Mr. And Mrs. MacKenzie, enjoy your honeymoon. 786 01:12:52,368 --> 01:12:55,120 When you leave, it'll be far too soon. 787 01:12:55,413 --> 01:12:56,705 That's great. 788 01:12:57,582 --> 01:13:01,376 Four nights. Your dinner reservations are at 9:00. 789 01:13:01,627 --> 01:13:02,627 Sounds great. 790 01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:06,298 Put candles by the bed. With a storm, we lose power. 791 01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:09,301 That's cool. Did you hear that? A storm. 792 01:13:09,552 --> 01:13:12,387 A storm. We'll be snugly inside and... 793 01:13:13,598 --> 01:13:14,723 You okay? 794 01:13:16,893 --> 01:13:21,980 I have a headache. Excuse me, do you have a drugstore? 795 01:13:22,148 --> 01:13:26,151 - I need aspirin. - Up the stairs, Mrs. MacKenzie. 796 01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,072 Don't move. 797 01:13:34,452 --> 01:13:36,745 - You think she has a headache? - What? 798 01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:40,582 Nothing. Here's your key. The Robbie Burns room. 799 01:13:40,833 --> 01:13:42,918 Oh, thanks. Thank you. 800 01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:52,928 - The circuits are down. - Keep on trying. 801 01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:56,431 Tell the chief I chartered a plane. 802 01:13:58,684 --> 01:14:00,852 - Hey, paisan! - What? 803 01:14:01,104 --> 01:14:04,940 Screw up, I'll kick your spaghetti butt back to Milan. 804 01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:06,691 Not now. Not now. 805 01:14:06,943 --> 01:14:10,821 - Too many ethnic slurs? - It's not paisan, it's paisan. 806 01:14:12,865 --> 01:14:14,533 Hey, paisan. 807 01:14:46,983 --> 01:14:50,402 Hey, listen. How long is it gonna take us to get there? 808 01:14:50,695 --> 01:14:53,822 It shouldn't take very long. 809 01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:58,076 Actually, I have no concept of time. 810 01:14:59,912 --> 01:15:01,621 Jeez, is this dangerous? 811 01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:06,334 No. Well, there's chance in everything. 812 01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:10,422 You've done this before, right? 813 01:15:10,715 --> 01:15:14,759 Oh, yeah, yeah. I do this all the time. 814 01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:17,762 I've never done it at night. 815 01:15:33,070 --> 01:15:35,530 Mr. And Mrs. MacKenzie, glad to see you. 816 01:15:36,741 --> 01:15:37,782 Follow me. 817 01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,880 How do you know where you're going? 818 01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:53,965 Instruments. Instruments. 819 01:15:54,258 --> 01:15:56,718 Oh, yeah? Yeah? What's that? 820 01:15:57,470 --> 01:16:02,390 That's the artificial horizon, which is better than the actual horizon. 821 01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:09,397 You know, I'm gonna wash my hands. All right? I love you. 822 01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:35,507 Good evening. 823 01:16:57,238 --> 01:16:58,863 What are you doing? Wake up! 824 01:16:59,156 --> 01:17:03,034 Oh, man, I was having an amazing dream. 825 01:17:03,327 --> 01:17:06,162 I don't care about your dream! Land the plane! 826 01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:13,628 I was just born, and I was eight and a half months premature. 827 01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:16,548 - The doctors were freaking out. - Shut up. 828 01:17:16,841 --> 01:17:19,050 Did I already tell you this dream? 829 01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:25,390 Can I have your attention? I have a few announcements. 830 01:17:25,641 --> 01:17:28,476 Celebrating their 25th anniversary tonight... 831 01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:31,271 ...Mr. And Mrs. Seymour Levenstein. 832 01:17:31,522 --> 01:17:33,732 How about a hand for them? 833 01:17:34,567 --> 01:17:36,026 Thank you, thank you. 834 01:17:36,319 --> 01:17:39,195 Twenty-five years ago, they were here. 835 01:17:39,405 --> 01:17:43,658 Speaking of new couples, Charlie and Harriet MacKenzie. 836 01:17:43,909 --> 01:17:47,495 - They look great. - There's a phone call for you. 837 01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,205 It is quite urgent. 838 01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,877 Oh, thank you. Sorry. Hello. 839 01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:57,881 - Charlie, you okay? - Couldn't be better. 840 01:17:58,090 --> 01:18:01,426 Charlie, listen to me. Harriet is Mrs. X. 841 01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:04,721 She killed Ralph and those two other guys. I got a picture. 842 01:18:05,014 --> 01:18:08,099 It checked out. It's her, Charlie. She's the murderer. 843 01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:10,643 I called the police. It'll take a while. 844 01:18:11,187 --> 01:18:13,021 Just stay where you are. 845 01:18:14,857 --> 01:18:16,149 Charlie? 846 01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:19,319 Hold on one second. What should I do? 847 01:18:19,570 --> 01:18:21,696 When the time comes, you'll know. 848 01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,115 Thanks, thank you. 849 01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:28,745 Hello, hello, hello?! 850 01:18:29,997 --> 01:18:33,208 Charlie? Charlie?! 851 01:18:33,459 --> 01:18:35,085 - Hello! - What happened? 852 01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:37,962 The phone died! I was talking, and it died. 853 01:18:38,255 --> 01:18:42,092 It's common. It will be out until tomorrow. Have a nice meal. 854 01:18:42,676 --> 01:18:43,968 What happened? 855 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,846 Nothing. The phone lines went dead. 856 01:18:47,098 --> 01:18:49,349 We wish a long and beautiful life. 857 01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:53,436 We want to play your song, The Platters, "Only You." 858 01:18:55,606 --> 01:18:59,818 You can't go. You have to wait for the wedding dance. 859 01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:02,529 We got a lot of traditions here. 860 01:19:09,829 --> 01:19:14,541 Stop! Excuse me. I'm with the San Francisco Police Department. 861 01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:17,877 I would like to commandeer this vehicle. 862 01:19:20,005 --> 01:19:21,047 No. 863 01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:22,674 What do you mean, "no"? 864 01:19:22,883 --> 01:19:27,595 I know you don't have the right to commandeer my vehicle. 865 01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:30,640 Please, can I commandeer this vehicle? 866 01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:33,476 No. 867 01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:37,564 You're not gonna bend on this thing, are you? 868 01:19:39,316 --> 01:19:40,358 No. 869 01:19:44,655 --> 01:19:46,281 - Please. - Go ahead. 870 01:19:46,532 --> 01:19:48,783 No, I don't want to. Charlie. 871 01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:53,037 Charlie? 872 01:20:00,754 --> 01:20:02,380 Charlie! 873 01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:04,883 Help me! I've married a... 874 01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:10,722 ...wonderful person who I love and adore. Who I want... 875 01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,183 They've had enough of this crowd. 876 01:20:13,434 --> 01:20:15,518 They have better things to do. 877 01:20:15,728 --> 01:20:18,480 Let's put them in the honeymoon chair. 878 01:20:23,444 --> 01:20:26,696 - We did it on our honeymoon. - It's just fun. 879 01:20:28,991 --> 01:20:31,534 No, I haven't had my dessert yet. 880 01:20:34,121 --> 01:20:36,748 To the room! To the room! 881 01:20:50,846 --> 01:20:52,472 Have a good night. 882 01:20:54,308 --> 01:20:55,934 Stay for a nightcap? 883 01:20:56,393 --> 01:20:58,269 No. You two want to be alone. 884 01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,314 No, really. Stay for a nightcap. 885 01:21:01,565 --> 01:21:03,233 I really shouldn't. 886 01:21:05,319 --> 01:21:07,529 Stay for a nightcap! 887 01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:21,459 Charlie, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 888 01:21:22,378 --> 01:21:23,586 Harriet, I, I... 889 01:21:24,338 --> 01:21:28,883 Charlie, I've been married before. 890 01:21:29,218 --> 01:21:33,429 - Harriet, I already know that. - You know about my husbands? 891 01:21:33,681 --> 01:21:35,306 Yes. 892 01:21:36,141 --> 01:21:38,560 - Stay away from me! - What are you doing? 893 01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:40,728 Come on. Stay away from me. 894 01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:43,898 You don't understand. Give me the axe! 895 01:21:45,192 --> 01:21:46,943 - Don't go! - Get off me! 896 01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:49,529 - Charlie! Don't go! - Get off! 897 01:21:49,697 --> 01:21:52,031 Wait. Charlie. 898 01:21:52,408 --> 01:21:54,158 Charlie! 899 01:22:01,875 --> 01:22:04,586 Would you mind not doing that? 900 01:22:04,837 --> 01:22:06,296 This bothers you? 901 01:22:06,547 --> 01:22:10,633 No, it's one of my favourite things. 902 01:22:14,805 --> 01:22:18,391 Don't go! Charlie! Charlie! 903 01:22:19,685 --> 01:22:21,728 Charlie. 904 01:22:23,147 --> 01:22:27,150 Hello? Hello? Hello?! 905 01:22:31,405 --> 01:22:35,074 "Dear Harriet. I just can't handle the commitment. 906 01:22:36,285 --> 01:22:40,038 It's too hard. I'm leaving you. 907 01:22:40,247 --> 01:22:43,499 Love, Charlie"? I didn't write this. 908 01:22:44,668 --> 01:22:46,419 What the fuck?! 909 01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:48,087 Rose! 910 01:22:48,297 --> 01:22:50,715 What's happening?! Charlie, open the door! 911 01:22:50,966 --> 01:22:53,051 - Rose tried to kill me. - What? 912 01:22:53,302 --> 01:22:56,137 Shut up! I wrote this note! 913 01:22:56,388 --> 01:22:58,514 You're not to be here when... 914 01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:01,893 ...this note has been placed on the desk! 915 01:23:02,144 --> 01:23:06,230 Do you understand me? You took her away from me, Charlie. 916 01:23:06,440 --> 01:23:07,690 Like all the rest. 917 01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:09,567 I have had it! 918 01:23:10,819 --> 01:23:15,448 You are going to die. 919 01:23:18,827 --> 01:23:20,411 Would you mind waiting? 920 01:23:20,663 --> 01:23:23,539 I may need you to help if I make an arrest. 921 01:23:23,957 --> 01:23:25,416 I'll need a ride... 922 01:23:25,626 --> 01:23:27,794 Shucks. Thank you. 923 01:23:29,755 --> 01:23:33,883 What are you doing?! Charlie, be careful. 924 01:23:42,101 --> 01:23:43,726 Run, Charlie! 925 01:23:44,353 --> 01:23:48,272 Stop it! Stop this, Rose! Help! 926 01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:50,900 Somebody! Help! 927 01:23:53,862 --> 01:23:55,238 Charlie! 928 01:23:59,451 --> 01:24:03,079 Is that you? Help! Hurry. 929 01:24:15,843 --> 01:24:18,928 Hurry! I'm in here! Who is it?! 930 01:24:19,513 --> 01:24:23,975 Help! Who's there? Who's there? Charlie?! Charlie, help! 931 01:24:24,143 --> 01:24:28,438 I'm in the closet. Come here. Tony! Open the closet. 932 01:24:30,899 --> 01:24:37,071 Charlie! 933 01:24:40,159 --> 01:24:41,534 Where are you going? 934 01:24:41,785 --> 01:24:45,329 We gotta go on the roof. Charlie and Rose are on the roof. 935 01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:46,748 Charlie's on the roof! 936 01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:48,958 - What're you doing? - Shut up! 937 01:25:31,668 --> 01:25:34,086 Let's just take this down a notch. 938 01:25:36,173 --> 01:25:40,134 What you're saying is that Rose killed your husbands... 939 01:25:40,385 --> 01:25:43,346 ...forged notes to make you think they left? 940 01:25:43,597 --> 01:25:48,559 Yes. Listen, that's them up on the roof. Listen! 941 01:25:49,812 --> 01:25:51,979 You don't get it, do you? 942 01:25:54,358 --> 01:25:58,402 We can talk here, or we can talk about it downtown. 943 01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:26,472 Charlie! 944 01:26:53,625 --> 01:26:56,836 - Charlie! - Harriet! 945 01:26:58,297 --> 01:27:00,756 - Charlie, I'm coming up! - Hang on! 946 01:27:02,718 --> 01:27:04,302 Charlie. 947 01:27:16,315 --> 01:27:18,190 Charlie, be careful! 948 01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:52,516 Rose! 949 01:28:07,991 --> 01:28:11,118 San Francisco police! I got you! 950 01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:13,913 I got her, Charlie. I got her! 951 01:28:15,958 --> 01:28:19,001 - Don't let me fall! - Okay, Rose. Come on, we're going in. 952 01:28:19,169 --> 01:28:20,670 Oh, sorry. 953 01:28:40,607 --> 01:28:43,025 Rose, jailbird 954 01:28:44,861 --> 01:28:48,739 Happy in her cage No longer full of rage 955 01:28:48,991 --> 01:28:50,449 She roosts 956 01:28:56,456 --> 01:29:00,126 Harriet, sweet Harriet 957 01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:02,128 You acted cuckoo 958 01:29:02,379 --> 01:29:06,173 'Cause you thought I would leave you Sweet bird 959 01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:15,599 Harriet, sweet Harriet 960 01:29:17,227 --> 01:29:22,023 So knowing, so trusting 961 01:29:22,858 --> 01:29:25,276 So lov�d