1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,122
'...looks good.

2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,463
'On the Northwest toll eastbound,
traffic is moving nicely this morning

3
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,833
'from Meacham Road
all the way down to River Road.

4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:13,461
'Westbound, there's now a 20-car
backup at the Devon Avenue toll.

5
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,681
'And on the northbound I-290
extension at Thorndale Avenue,

6
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,344
'we had a spinout there.

7
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,469
'And that car was blocking
the right-hand lane,

8
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:23,017
'and also blocking the lane
that's coming off

9
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:27,142
'of the eastbound Thorndale Avenue
entrance ramp,

10
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,566
'leading to the northbound
I-290 extension.

11
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,405
'This was causing a backup
to Irving Park. We have...'

12
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,395
Come on, chop, chop.
We got relatives invading this afternoon.

13
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,326
Ginny, Mike, Sara, Sam!
Come on, everybody up.

14
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,921
I think I have a fever.

15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,008
- You don't have a fever.
- Shut your face.

16
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,922
Make me.

17
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,545
Dad, Mike hit me!

18
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,013
You liar!

19
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,132
Mike! Come on, pal.
We got a wedding tomorrow.

20
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,679
Try to cooperate, will you?

21
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,347
Dad, I didn't hit her.

22
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,393
I'd like to very much and I probably
will later, but give me a break.

23
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,484
You know my method. I don't hit her
when you're just down the hall.

24
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,523
Pick on someone your own size.

25
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,074
Open this door.

26
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,197
Daddy, I'm the one getting married.

27
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,531
Not until tomorrow. Come on,
I've got a mouthful of toothpaste.

28
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,750
I happen to have a serious problem.

29
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,087
Dad.

30
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,126
She got her period. Should make
for an interesting honeymoon, huh?

31
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,383
- Where are you learning that stuff?
- School.

32
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,546
Good. Getting my money's worth.

33
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:42,051
'They were fantastic.
Just great. What a great crowd.

34
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,471
'And it was so much fun...'

35
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,893
♪ It would fall
through the hole in your pocket

36
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:50,312
♪ And you'd lose it
in the snow on the ground

37
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,778
♪ You got to walk into town
to find a job

38
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:56,443
♪ Trying to keep your hands warm... ♪

39
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:59,033
Chronologically, you're 16 today.

40
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,448
Physically,

41
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,739
you're still 15.

42
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,412
Hopeless.

43
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,794
Nope. I look exactly the same
as I have since summer.

44
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,546
Utterly forgettable.

45
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,766
No, I didn't expect
to wake up transformed.

46
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,227
I just thought that turning 16
would be so major,

47
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:30,645
that I'd wake up with an improved
mental state that would show in my face.

48
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:34,690
All that shows is that I don't have
any sort of a tan left.

49
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,029
I better get downstairs.

50
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,992
My family's probably pissed off I haven't
let them wish me happy birthday yet.

51
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,657
All right.
I'll see you at school.

52
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,874
You need four inches of bod
and a great birthday.

53
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,445
- Where's my briefcase?
- Where'd you leave it?

54
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,677
- Don't be a smart-ass.
- OK, I'll be a dumb-ass.

55
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,671
- You already are.
- OK.

56
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,015
- OK, where's Sam?
- Where's my briefcase?

57
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,929
- Sam?
- Allow me, Brenda.

58
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:07,552
Hey, birth defect!

59
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,062
You missed breakfast again.

60
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,252
It wasn't my idea to give her her own
phone line, I don't have my own phone line.

61
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,463
- Mike, lift or I'll punch you.
- Grab a doughnut.

62
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,256
You're totally infected.

63
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,988
It's small, it's brown,
it's made of leather,

64
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:23,360
it has my initials on it.
And I believe... That's it.

65
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,953
Don't forget the grandparents
are coming this afternoon.

66
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,684
Are we still having dinner
with the Rice Chex?

67
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,916
Ryszczyks.
Eight o'clock at the club.

68
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,036
Oh, and you better learn their names.
As of tomorrow, they're family.

69
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,662
That's a lovely thought.

70
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,757
When it comes your turn to get married,
do me a favour. Elope.

71
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,295
Who'd marry her?

72
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,669
Mr T.

73
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,966
Oh, I'm sorry,
you'll have to buy lunch today.

74
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,714
I didn't have time to fix your carrots.

75
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,843
Yeah, well, she's only eating carrots
to increase the size of her breasts.

76
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,059
Mister, you had better shape up,
or you will miss your sister's wedding.

77
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:53,397
Promise?

78
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,150
Now, don't give me
that pouty look of yours.

79
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,820
You can eat your carrots
when you get home.

80
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:06,035
That's it? You don't have
anything else to say to me today?

81
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,326
What would you like me to say, Sam?

82
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,159
Come on now, honey.
You're gonna miss the bus.

83
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,127
Have a good day.

84
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,628
I can't believe this.

85
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,672
They fucking forgot my birthday.

86
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,503
I'm sure they didn't forget your birthday.
They just didn't remember it right away.

87
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,751
Same difference.

88
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,490
I know it's a drag that your sweet sixteen's
the day before Ginny gets married,

89
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,255
but big deal!
They'll remember.

90
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,974
Oh, easy for you to say.
Did anyone ever forget your birthday?

91
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,102
Come on, Sam.

92
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,015
Everything's just getting shittier.

93
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,730
My family forgetting my birthday
just makes it more vivid.

94
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,815
What do you expect,
a breakfast birthday party?

95
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,185
No, but they could have
at least said "happy birthday".

96
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,608
I mean, it was just like any other day.

97
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,447
Why don't you remind them?

98
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,067
They'll feel some massive guilt.
It could be highly profitable.

99
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,569
I wouldn't stoop to remind them.

100
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,183
Since I was about 12, I've been
looking forward to my sweet sixteen.

101
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,699
You know,
a big party and a band,

102
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,451
- with tons of people.
- Tons of people.

103
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,830
And a big Trans Am in the driveway
with a ribbon around it.

104
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,833
And some incredibly gorgeous guy
that you meet, like, in France.

105
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,280
And you do it on a cloud
without getting pregnant or herpes.

106
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,824
- I don't need the cloud.
- Just a pink Trans Am and the guy, right?

107
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,384
- A black one.
- A black guy?

108
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,633
A black Trans Am. A pink guy.

109
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,852
Oh, no.

110
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:26,107
♪ I remember always, always
I got such a fright

111
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:32,193
♪ Seeing them in my dark cupboard
With my great big cake

112
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:38,782
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you

113
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:44,872
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you

114
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:50,051
♪ If they were me, and I was you
Would you've liked a present too?

115
00:07:57,352 --> 00:08:02,518
♪ Happy, happy birthday in a hot bath
To those nice, nice nights

116
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:09,607
♪ I remember always, always
I got such a fright

117
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:15,694
♪ Seeing them in my dark cupboard
With my great big cake

118
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:21,624
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you

119
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:28,173
♪ If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you

120
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:34,300
♪ If they were me, and I was you
Would you've liked a present too?

121
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,899
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

122
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:57,702
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

123
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:03,204
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

124
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:09,338
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

125
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,841
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

126
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:21,972
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday... ♪

127
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,774
- You swear to God you don't have it?
- I don't know anything about it.

128
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,360
Jennifer Woods gave me a sex test
during Child Development,

129
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,731
and I was supposed to do it
and pass it to you in Independent Study.

130
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:38,155
- I'm totally screwed.
- Did you put your name on it?

131
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,402
Hi.

132
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,324
No, but it was really embarrassing.

133
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,664
I had to name who I'd do it with
if I ever did it.

134
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,328
Who'd you name?

135
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,206
- Jake Ryan.
- Jake Ryan?

136
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,455
He doesn't even know you exist.

137
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,627
Thank you.
That's a very nice thing to say.

138
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,466
I'm sorry.
But Jake Ryan?

139
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,428
He's a senior, and he's taken.
I mean, really taken.

140
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,263
I know. It was supposed
to be my ideal.

141
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,509
He's ideal, for sure,
but forget it.

142
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,726
God, I hope whoever got the note
doesn't know it was me who wrote it.

143
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,940
I'd shit twice and die.

144
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,629
I can't believe I'm actually going
to consume a school hamburger.

145
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,427
You know, they're not that bad
since they started using meat.

146
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,016
What happened to your carrots?

147
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,386
Oh, Brenda was busy today.

148
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,891
If she can't remember my birthday,
you can't expect her to remember my carrots.

149
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,528
- Are they working?
- I'm not sure.

150
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,201
Since I started eating them, there's been,
like, a 1/16 inch difference.

151
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,570
If I breathe in real deep,
I get half an inch.

152
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:07,824
I think the power of the carrot
is definitely overrated.

153
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,829
Thank you.

154
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,189
- What are you doing?
- Jake's here.

155
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,400
I don't want him to know I eat.

156
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,323
Do you know Samantha Baker?

157
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,409
Sophomore, right?

158
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,780
Yeah. What do you think of her?

159
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,495
I don't.

160
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,911
Would you ever go out with her?

161
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,418
Depends on how much you paid me.

162
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,633
She's not ugly.

163
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,840
There's nothing there, man.
It's not ugly, it's just... void.

164
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,342
- You know what I mean?
- There's something about her.

165
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:11,687
I do Independent Study with her.
I catch her looking at me a lot.

166
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,932
It's kind of cool, the way
she's always looking at me.

167
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,151
Maybe she's retarded.

168
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,270
I'm being serious, OK?

169
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,489
She looks at me
like she's in love with me.

170
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,574
Jake, she's a child.

171
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,822
So?

172
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:31,700
So what are you gonna do with her?
She's obviously too young to party serious.

173
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,702
Maybe I'm interested
in more than a party.

174
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,955
Come on, Jake.
You talk like you're hard up.

175
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,583
You got Caroline.
Now she's a woman.

176
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,597
It's unbelievable.

177
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,933
I swear to God, Caroline Mulford
had to flunk about nine grades.

178
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,187
- Truly makes me ill.
- She's perfect.

179
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,274
Practically impossible to cut up.

180
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,734
She's supposedly real sweet.

181
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:02,571
Brother's deaf, and everybody
in the world worships her.

182
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,190
And she's going with Jake.

183
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,276
Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.

184
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,028
My man.

185
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,346
I loathe the bus.

186
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,730
There has to be a more dignified
mode of transportation.

187
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:39,225
I hope you get a car
for your birthday and a licence.

188
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,192
Let's not hold our breath.

189
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,907
Score. A direct hit.

190
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,036
On second thought...

191
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:17,888
Move it.

192
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:27,616
Call me, OK?

193
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,029
You call me first.
Tell me what happened at home.

194
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,244
I can tell you right now.
Nothing.

195
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,706
Would you quit feeling sorry for yourself?
It's bad for your complexion.

196
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,520
How's it going?

197
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,480
How's what going?

198
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:05,436
You know, things, life, whatnot.

199
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,530
Life is not whatnot,
and it's none of your business.

200
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,578
Huh! So you going
to the New Faces dance tonight or...

201
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,822
That's also none of your business.

202
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:23,917
Are you inhibited about
dancing in public? I mean...

203
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,665
You don't have to dance.
I mean, you could just stand there

204
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,884
with me and my dudes
and just be you, and...

205
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,843
Sounds major.

206
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,172
So, I mean, what's the story?
I mean, you got a guy, or...

207
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,386
Yes, three big ones,
and they lust for wimp blood,

208
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,980
so quit bugging me, or I'll sic them
all over your weenie ass.

209
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,838
You know, I'm getting input here
that I'm reading as relatively hostile.

210
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,229
- I mean, it's just...
- Go to hell.

211
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,156
Very hostile.

212
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,741
Come on, what's the problem here?
I'm a boy, you're a girl.

213
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,767
Is there anything wrong
with me trying to put together

214
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,783
some kind of relationship between us?

215
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,045
OK, look, I know you have to go.
Just answer me one question.

216
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,789
Yes, you're a total fag.

217
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,338
That's not the question.

218
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,966
Am I turning you on?

219
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:24,098
It's encouraging.

220
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,441
- Very encouraging.
- Yeah... Uh-huh.

221
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,107
You know,
a girl with a hat is just so...

222
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,570
vogue.

223
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,859
Yeah.

224
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,874
Where are my blue socks, Dorothy?

225
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,009
You mean to tell me
you didn't pack them?

226
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,968
Oh, not again, Howard!

227
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:58,261
Can't I trust you to do anything?
Do you expect me to do all the packing?

228
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:02,477
Well, at least I brought this for you.
It...

229
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,471
Sam!

230
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,314
Samantha.

231
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,559
- Look.
- Oh, look.

232
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,358
- Hi.
- Hi.

233
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:14,694
Oh, God.

234
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,910
Oh, sweetheart.

235
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,121
My goodness,
are you a sight for sore eyes.

236
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,583
Mwah! And mwah!

237
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,417
Oh, good. Just look.

238
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,209
- How are you, my little lamb chop?
- Hello.

239
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,172
- I'm fine, Grandpa.
- Fine.

240
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,041
- How are you guys?
- Oh, we're pretty good.

241
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,906
- Of course, I get the lower back pain.
- Oh, my corns are killing me.

242
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,741
- And arthritis in my fingers.
- I still have those headaches.

243
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:41,384
- But I brought the ice bag...
- So are you... You're sleeping up here?

244
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,010
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

245
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,058
Your grandfather Fred
jumped our claim on Sara's room.

246
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:49,604
- So here we are. We gotta sleep up here.
- Well, I haven't seen you guys in a while.

247
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,476
Do I look any older today?

248
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,438
Oh, no, no, I wouldn't say so.
Do you think so, darling?

249
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,066
No. Oh,
I hope it isn't cold tomorrow.

250
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,569
You know Ginny. She'll refuse to wear
a hat and coat over her wedding dress.

251
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,412
Well, if she does, you mustn't bug her

252
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,810
- because if a girl does not...
- I'm not gonna bug her...

253
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,747
I'm gonna go set myself up in Mike's room.
So I'll see you guys later.

254
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,638
- OK, sweetheart.
- Oh, look, there she goes.

255
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:13,837
Grandpa and I are looking forward
to a nice, long, long visit with you.

256
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,504
- Aces!
- We certainly are.

257
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,298
We're looking forward...

258
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,881
Oh, see you a little later, darling.
We've got a lot to...

259
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:25,557
I swear to God,
this has got to be a joke.

260
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,101
Grandparents forgetting a birthday?

261
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,100
They live for that shit.

262
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,727
♪ With my arms around you... ♪

263
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:40,743
Well, well, if it isn't
Sammy Baker Davis Jr.

264
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:44,029
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Oh, I've got one for you.

265
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,747
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?

266
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,411
- Who.
- Who, who?

267
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:51,162
Helen, we've got an owl
out here in the hall.

268
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,670
Fred, Fred, leave her alone.

269
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,964
- You'll make her tinkle.
- Oh, come on, Helen.

270
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:01,930
Oh, Sam, let me look at you.

271
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,101
Fred, she's gotten her boobies.

272
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,722
I'd better go get my magnifying glass.

273
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,359
Oh, and they are so perky.

274
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:31,035
I can't believe my grandmother
actually felt me up.

275
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:39,960
What's happening, hot stuff?

276
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,671
His name is Long Duk Dong.

277
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,973
What?

278
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,888
Long Duk Dong.

279
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,885
He came down with
Grandma and Grandpa Baker.

280
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,434
He's an exchange student
that's living with them.

281
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,397
Yeah, well, he's totally bizarre.

282
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,267
He is not.

283
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,565
He is a very sweet boy.

284
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,569
I just hope you burn the sheets
and mattresses after he leaves.

285
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,721
I don't suppose it makes
any difference to you,

286
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,905
but there's a very weird
Chinese guy up in Mike's room.

287
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,914
Ginny dumped Rudy
and he's her new fiancé.

288
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,874
Mike, stop it.

289
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,829
Sam, honey, do you think you could
help the grandmothers with supper?

290
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,799
Dad and I have to go to the club
for dinner with the Rice Chex.

291
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,383
Ryszczyks.

292
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,127
Oh, Ryszczyks.

293
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:27,054
Erm, do you think that there's any reason
that I should possibly stay home tonight?

294
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:31,474
Well, I think it might be nice if you'd visit
with your grandparents and Long Duk Dong.

295
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:32,937
Who?

296
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,024
Erm, the weird Chinese guy
in Mike's room.

297
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,272
I think I have a dance to go to.

298
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,236
Well, that's OK.

299
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,407
Oh, can you remember to turn off
the stove in 20 minutes?

300
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,943
I can remember lots of things.

301
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,376
This is the single worst day
of my entire life.

302
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,336
What the hell are you bitching about?

303
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,549
I gotta sleep under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.

304
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:05,420
- Well, where am I sleeping?
- Sofa City, sweetheart.

305
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,688
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?

306
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,603
I don't know why not.
He does everyone else.

307
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:22,487
He already asked me
if Rudy was the "oily variety bohunk".

308
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,322
Is he?

309
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,657
Don't be cute.

310
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,369
I really love Rudy.

311
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:32,831
And he is totally enamoured of me.

312
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:37,415
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,

313
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:40,914
but not for six months in a row.

314
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,591
I think I'm in love.

315
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,006
So, how long have you been in love?

316
00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,010
Well, it hasn't really happened yet.

317
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:52,349
So what's the deal?

318
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,683
I'm not sure that he knows I exist.

319
00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:01,192
Sam, I really don't have time for this.

320
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:04,654
Well, I'm sorry.

321
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:06,899
I always listen to you
talk about your boyfriends.

322
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:10,323
Darling, is something bothering you?

323
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,626
You're really acting like an asshole.

324
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,416
And I think I know what it is.

325
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,417
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married

326
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:27,135
and that I'm getting all the attention.

327
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:33,099
You know, everybody in this family
has just gone totally Outer Limits.

328
00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:34,809
No, Sam.

329
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:38,897
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.

330
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,230
Oh, yes. That's it.

331
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:45,354
That's exactly it.

332
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,524
Unbelievable.

333
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:52,573
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.

334
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,039
Very clever dinner.

335
00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:09,761
Appetising food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.

336
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:11,175
It's a quiche.

337
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:16,639
- How do you spell?
- Well, you don't spell it, son, you eat it.

338
00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:21,723
Dong has only been in our country
a short time, Fred.

339
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:25,227
- I think we could all help him assimilate.
- Oh...

340
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,564
Long Duk Dong
is about your age, Sam.

341
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,611
You two should have
a lot to chat about.

342
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:34,786
I love visiting with
Grandma and Grandpa

343
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,247
and writing letters to parents

344
00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:39,741
and pushing lawn-mowing machine

345
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:43,120
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.

346
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:46,627
Hernia!

347
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:49,092
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.

348
00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:53,213
He does the dishes
and helps with the laundry, you betcha.

349
00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:59,428
- May I be excused?
- Where are you going?

350
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:03,481
I have a dance to go to at school.

351
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:07,022
It's a very important dance.

352
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:09,567
We're being graded on it for gym.

353
00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:12,691
Wait a minute.
I have a wonderful idea.

354
00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:16,862
Would you like to go
to the dance with Sam?

355
00:24:41,063 --> 00:24:43,430
- I wonder if Jake's here.
- I don't think it's too healthy

356
00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:46,148
to get all jacked up about some guy
that isn't even a thing yet.

357
00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:49,314
Yeah, when you don't have anything,
you don't have anything to lose, right?

358
00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:51,312
That's a cheerful thought.

359
00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:53,405
Let's go make ourselves available.

360
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,627
That's the one, dude.
Scope it out.

361
00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:16,379
- She doesn't look like a freshman.
- Sophomore, dude. Sophomore.

362
00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:19,182
Fully-aged sophomore meat.

363
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:24,888
- We do the bus together.
- You talk to her?

364
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:27,516
- Talk? Dude, I have a relationship with her.
- Get off.

365
00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:30,359
Figured to, like, 17 digits.

366
00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:31,853
You are such a liar.

367
00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,401
We'll see about that, my man.

368
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,868
By night's end, I predict
me and her will interface.

369
00:25:57,264 --> 00:26:03,135
♪ I know this much is true

370
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:08,223
♪ I know... ♪

371
00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:10,099
Check it out, Wease.

372
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:15,404
- Pretty intense, huh? Over.
- Wacks to the max. Over.

373
00:26:29,797 --> 00:26:31,379
All right.

374
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:33,832
I knew you'd come around.

375
00:26:35,636 --> 00:26:36,672
Christ!

376
00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:39,365
Crank that, sister.

377
00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:52,981
Very hot. Very hot.
Tonight, tonight is happening.

378
00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:00,858
I'm blowing your mind, aren't I?

379
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,447
I'm just getting warmed up.

380
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,302
Excuse me.

381
00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:58,709
Way to go, dick-face.
She took off.

382
00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:01,962
Don't spaz out, OK, Wease?
The situation will come online.

383
00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:05,966
Yeah? I'll bet you a dozen floppy disks
you don't even get tit.

384
00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:08,718
You got a bet, scumbag.
I'll get it all.

385
00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:12,268
Take off. You wouldn't even be able
to prove it, anyway.

386
00:28:12,399 --> 00:28:13,890
A, don't hit me.

387
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,985
Secondly, what kind of proof
do you want?

388
00:28:17,988 --> 00:28:19,445
- Video.
- Video.

389
00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:22,213
No way, OK? I can just see the thing
getting duped a thousand times

390
00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:24,859
and, like, winding up
on cable somewhere.

391
00:28:24,995 --> 00:28:26,611
Try again.

392
00:28:26,747 --> 00:28:28,739
- Underpants.
- Underpants.

393
00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:33,251
No prob, butt-lick.

394
00:28:42,012 --> 00:28:43,503
Girls' underpants.

395
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:47,007
- ♪ One, two
- ♪ And your girlfriend sweet little 17

396
00:28:47,142 --> 00:28:50,385
♪ She's got her layered hair
and her flared jeans

397
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,228
♪ You know what that means,
she's just a little queen

398
00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,599
♪ She shares your London flat

399
00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:58,568
♪ She thinks that London's where it's at

400
00:28:58,695 --> 00:29:01,403
♪ Although it stinks
and when it rains you wear your hat

401
00:29:01,531 --> 00:29:05,275
♪ And your plum-coloured
PVC wet-look maxi mac

402
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:08,027
♪ You tie your ginger hair back in a bun

403
00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:11,998
♪ You're the ugliest creature
under the sun... ♪

404
00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,577
So, what's your name?

405
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:18,329
Dong.

406
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:20,707
What's your first name?

407
00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:22,458
Long.

408
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,924
What's your middle name?

409
00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:27,592
Duk.

410
00:29:29,726 --> 00:29:33,720
I bet all the boys chase you plenty
in the school, huh?

411
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:35,972
Nobody's caught me yet.

412
00:29:36,108 --> 00:29:39,192
- I betcha you big teaser, huh?
- Huh! No.

413
00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:41,436
I run the 40 in five flat.

414
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,147
Flat?

415
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,030
Hey.

416
00:29:49,663 --> 00:29:51,783
I'm really sorry, man.
Whatever I did was an accident.

417
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:53,702
I mean, I didn't mean to...

418
00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,370
Relax.

419
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,545
You... You were dancing
with a girl?

420
00:30:04,428 --> 00:30:07,091
Oh, man, I'm really...
I'm really sorry, man.

421
00:30:07,222 --> 00:30:10,806
- I must've been on drugs five minutes ago.
- Do you know her?

422
00:30:10,934 --> 00:30:14,268
She grabbed me, guy.
I'm totally innocent. Is she yours?

423
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:16,388
What do you know about her?

424
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:20,228
She has smallish tits,
decent voice.

425
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,226
Smells pretty good.

426
00:30:22,362 --> 00:30:25,230
- She drives me crazy.
- Did she come here with you?

427
00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:29,154
No, no. But if it's OK with my dad,
she's going home with me.

428
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:32,119
Excuse me.

429
00:30:42,007 --> 00:30:44,499
- Do you guys want to blow off this dance?
- Yes.

430
00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:47,468
I am bored to the brink of insanity.

431
00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:48,882
And go where?

432
00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,097
Jake's parents aren't home,
we could do his house.

433
00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:52,840
How's it going?

434
00:30:52,976 --> 00:30:55,013
- Fine.
- We'd have to party light, though,

435
00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:57,457
Jake's too paranoid about
his parents' house getting trashed.

436
00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:58,562
Again?

437
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:05,024
♪ The hours I spend investigating

438
00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:07,442
♪ A way of living

439
00:31:07,574 --> 00:31:12,911
♪ With no misgiving, yeah...

440
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:14,038
♪ Growing pains... ♪

441
00:31:29,179 --> 00:31:30,920
OK.

442
00:31:32,307 --> 00:31:33,764
All right.

443
00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:40,396
Just trying to get a little bit of water.

444
00:31:41,525 --> 00:31:42,766
Yeah.

445
00:31:47,781 --> 00:31:49,818
Yes, I'm back.

446
00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:51,737
So I smell.

447
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:54,076
It's my shaving cream.

448
00:31:54,204 --> 00:31:56,070
You wanna feel a real clean,
close shave?

449
00:31:56,206 --> 00:31:57,697
I'll pass.

450
00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,995
Couldn't find anyone else
to bug, huh?

451
00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:02,961
Come on. You know you're the one
I want to bug, huh?

452
00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:06,672
This is my friend, Randy.
And that's Jimmy Montrose.

453
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,837
- Howdy, dude.
- This is Farmer Fred.

454
00:32:08,969 --> 00:32:11,632
- Ted.
- Oh, I'm sorry. This is Farmer Ted.

455
00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:13,800
I'm not really a farmer.
I'm a freshman.

456
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,094
Geek, can I be honest with you?

457
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:18,802
Not if you're gonna insult me.

458
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,269
OK.

459
00:32:23,108 --> 00:32:25,145
- Shoot.
- Get the hell out of here.

460
00:32:25,819 --> 00:32:27,936
Nice... nice manners, babe.

461
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,188
She's totally serious, ass-wipe.

462
00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:33,357
Chill.

463
00:32:38,832 --> 00:32:41,119
You wanna split with me? I...

464
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,376
- I don't know...
- I can't handle this.

465
00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:47,372
My mom tells me, "If you want something,
you gotta ask for it."

466
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:48,998
I'm not the kind of guy...

467
00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:52,172
It's embarrassing for me.
I... I don't know. I just...

468
00:32:53,430 --> 00:32:55,387
It's just...

469
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:44,096
I'm really sorry about
what happened in the gym.

470
00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:46,723
I had no idea you couldn't dance.

471
00:34:13,635 --> 00:34:16,673
- What a decent night, huh?
- It's my birthday.

472
00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:23,343
♪ You say it's your birthday

473
00:34:23,478 --> 00:34:25,265
♪ It's my birthday, too... ♪

474
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:26,729
Don't do that, OK?

475
00:34:29,359 --> 00:34:30,975
♪ Hey, Jude... ♪

476
00:34:31,111 --> 00:34:32,568
Just stop it, OK?

477
00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:34,938
I mean, it's really been
a shitty birthday for me.

478
00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:38,237
No offence, but I don't need
a serenade right now.

479
00:34:39,327 --> 00:34:41,247
What's wrong?
You didn't get anything good, or...

480
00:34:41,371 --> 00:34:44,159
I didn't get shit.
Not even "happy birthday".

481
00:34:44,291 --> 00:34:47,159
My whole family
just sort of blew it off.

482
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:51,871
I'd freak if my family forgot my birthday.

483
00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,919
It's a brand-new year.
I'm 16.

484
00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:56,667
Everything should be platinum.
I should be happy, right?

485
00:34:56,803 --> 00:34:58,214
- Right?
- Yeah.

486
00:34:58,346 --> 00:35:00,133
Well, I can't get happy.

487
00:35:00,265 --> 00:35:03,258
It is physically impossible
for me to get happy.

488
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:10,189
Would you feel better
if you knew one of my secrets, or...

489
00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:11,433
Don't gross me out.

490
00:35:12,027 --> 00:35:14,440
No, we're not talking gross here.
No, it's just...

491
00:35:15,363 --> 00:35:17,150
It's just embarrassing.

492
00:35:23,622 --> 00:35:25,614
This information
cannot leave this room, OK?

493
00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:28,583
It would devastate
my reputation as a dude.

494
00:35:30,003 --> 00:35:31,619
No problem.

495
00:35:36,676 --> 00:35:39,089
I've never bagged a babe.

496
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,886
I'm not a stud.

497
00:35:47,437 --> 00:35:49,099
I got the rep in sixth grade.

498
00:35:49,230 --> 00:35:51,688
And it, like, I don't know,
it stuck with me.

499
00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:53,682
I'm still on hold.

500
00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:58,980
Look, I'd appreciate
you not laughing, OK?

501
00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:00,526
I'm sorry.

502
00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:03,947
That's not what I meant.

503
00:36:06,915 --> 00:36:08,247
I meant...

504
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:12,581
Hey, time out, junior.

505
00:36:15,715 --> 00:36:17,297
Pardon me.

506
00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:23,845
It's OK.

507
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:33,189
I meant that it's OK that you did it once,
but I didn't mean for you to do it again.

508
00:36:34,484 --> 00:36:36,100
I'm sorry.

509
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:38,902
I'm sorry.

510
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:44,525
You know, just now,
I really felt how much you like me.

511
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,662
You're probably zoning in
on my brain waves or something.

512
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,582
Well, not really,
I felt it on my leg.

513
00:36:54,462 --> 00:36:56,875
Come on!
I don't want to see it!

514
00:36:59,926 --> 00:37:00,926
Oh.

515
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:03,677
Sorry if I embarrassed you.

516
00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:06,676
I'm not embarrassed.

517
00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:08,674
Fresh breath's a priority in my life.

518
00:37:12,647 --> 00:37:14,583
You know, I really don't want
to hurt your feelings,

519
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:16,888
cos it's really human of you
to listen to all my bullshit.

520
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,602
I care about it, really.
I mean...

521
00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:24,402
I know I came on kind of like a poozer
on the bus tonight and everything, but...

522
00:37:24,534 --> 00:37:26,992
that's just so my friends won't think,
you know, I'm a jerk.

523
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:30,615
But they're all pretty much jerks,
though, aren't they?

524
00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:34,659
Yeah, but the thing is,
I'm kind of like the leader, you know.

525
00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,081
Kind of like the king of the dipshits.

526
00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:40,171
Well, that's pretty cool.

527
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,212
Hey, but a lot can happen over a year.

528
00:37:42,343 --> 00:37:45,336
I mean, you could come back next fall
as a completely normal person.

529
00:37:46,473 --> 00:37:48,635
- Yeah?
- Sure.

530
00:37:53,229 --> 00:37:55,892
Would it be totally off the wall if...

531
00:37:57,150 --> 00:37:59,233
if I asked if I could have sex with you?

532
00:38:02,614 --> 00:38:05,527
Yeah, well, you asking me
is not as off the wall as why I won't.

533
00:38:06,659 --> 00:38:09,117
- VD?
- No.

534
00:38:10,121 --> 00:38:12,204
I'm sort of saving myself.

535
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:16,659
It's really stupid.
He doesn't even know I exist.

536
00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:18,335
Who?

537
00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:20,712
Who?

538
00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:23,465
Jake Ryan.

539
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:25,793
You like Jake?

540
00:38:26,513 --> 00:38:28,379
J... Jake's my boy.

541
00:38:28,848 --> 00:38:30,589
I just talked to Jake in the gym.

542
00:38:30,725 --> 00:38:32,682
- He asked me about you.
- Did not.

543
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:36,100
He did, too. He did.
He asked me what you were like.

544
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:37,813
Oh, my... Oh.

545
00:38:37,941 --> 00:38:40,558
- If you're lying, I'll beat the crap out of you.
- I'm not lying.

546
00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:42,893
Oh, my God, what should I do?

547
00:38:43,738 --> 00:38:45,966
Should I go up to him?
Should I say, "Hi, Jake, I'm Samantha"?

548
00:38:45,990 --> 00:38:49,199
- Or, no, maybe I should let him come to me.
- This is not my department.

549
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:51,806
But what if I decide to let him come to me,
and then he forgets?

550
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:55,449
Or then what if he changes his mind?
And then I'm totally screwed, right?

551
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,165
Apparently so.

552
00:38:58,044 --> 00:39:00,377
What would you do if you were me?

553
00:39:01,673 --> 00:39:03,915
I'm a gambling man by nature, and, um...

554
00:39:05,385 --> 00:39:06,796
I'd go for it.

555
00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:10,513
This is so strange, but I think I will.
Oh, you're the best.

556
00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:16,598
- Wait...
- What?

557
00:39:17,647 --> 00:39:21,140
- Do you know anything about floppy disks?
- We'll talk about this on the bus, OK?

558
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,643
Well, no. See, the thing is,
I got kind of a problem.

559
00:39:23,778 --> 00:39:25,815
Well, floppy disks are pretty expensive

560
00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:29,486
and, see, the thing is, I made a bet
with my friends, the dipshits.

561
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,520
I bet them that I'd do it with you.

562
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:36,725
But this was before
I knew you as a person.

563
00:39:36,749 --> 00:39:39,082
I can get proof without
actually getting physical.

564
00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:40,667
How?

565
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:44,747
Can I borrow your underpants
for ten minutes?

566
00:39:56,019 --> 00:39:58,459
I think it's time to blow this thing off
and go to your house.

567
00:39:58,563 --> 00:39:59,563
Yeah?

568
00:39:59,689 --> 00:40:02,569
I told Tracy and Robin and those guys
to come to your parents' house, OK?

569
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:04,687
I told them not to tell anybody.

570
00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:07,277
God, I love it when your parents
are out of town,

571
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,987
I fantasise that I'm your wife,

572
00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:12,358
and we're, like, the richest,
most popular adults in town.

573
00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:15,285
I owe all my great weekends to you.

574
00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:18,739
What's your problem?

575
00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:21,743
- What?
- You've been acting weird all night.

576
00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:26,498
- Are you screwing around?
- Me? Are you crazy?

577
00:40:26,633 --> 00:40:28,499
I don't know, Jake.

578
00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:30,001
I'm getting strange signals.

579
00:40:30,136 --> 00:40:33,136
Well, they're not coming from me.
Look, everything's fine. Don't have a cow.

580
00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:35,426
OK.

581
00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:38,551
But just remember one thing.

582
00:40:38,686 --> 00:40:41,975
I can name twenty guys
who'd kill to love me.

583
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:43,438
Is that a threat?

584
00:40:43,566 --> 00:40:45,057
It's a fact, Jake.

585
00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:49,236
Come on. Before we get in a big,
wicked fight, let's get out of here, huh?

586
00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:56,698
Hi, Jake. I'm Samantha.
How's it going?

587
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:01,956
Do you got a cigarette?

588
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:07,626
Jake, this may sound
incredibly dumb,

589
00:41:07,757 --> 00:41:10,841
but I love you, and I'll do anything
to make you love me.

590
00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,211
I love your shirt.

591
00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:20,384
Jake, you're not gonna believe this,

592
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,809
but I had this very bizarre dream,
and you were in it.

593
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,319
For heaven's sake.
Get in there and dance.

594
00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:33,439
- I can't. They won't like me.
- I'm not gonna tell you again.

595
00:41:33,574 --> 00:41:34,735
Just act like a man.

596
00:41:34,867 --> 00:41:36,859
I wanna go home.
I wanna be with you guys.

597
00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:54,635
♪ You are my desire

598
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:59,716
♪ You, you make me cry

599
00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:06,848
♪ You are my desire

600
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:08,690
♪ Oh, baby, you, you, you

601
00:42:08,818 --> 00:42:12,107
♪ You make me cry

602
00:42:13,656 --> 00:42:16,364
♪ Got to find you,
know you're out there

603
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:20,827
- ♪ I got to get you back into my hair... ♪
- I can't believe I'm such a jerk.

604
00:42:21,831 --> 00:42:24,665
He smiles at me
and I don't say anything.

605
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:29,336
And I can't believe
I gave my panties to a geek.

606
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:34,966
What year are you?

607
00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:37,461
- Freshman.
- Give me a buck.

608
00:42:37,597 --> 00:42:39,133
OK, get in.

609
00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:53,777
Shut up.

610
00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:56,689
Bryce?

611
00:42:56,824 --> 00:42:58,235
Ted?

612
00:42:59,118 --> 00:43:00,154
Go for it.

613
00:43:19,138 --> 00:43:21,300
Hey, listen.

614
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,718
I wanna thank you
for loaning me the Donger.

615
00:43:29,148 --> 00:43:30,855
He's really bitching.

616
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,272
That's OK.
You guys make a great couple.

617
00:43:36,697 --> 00:43:39,815
I've never been so happy
in my whole life.

618
00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:40,987
You maniac.

619
00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:46,614
Now I have a place to put my hand.

620
00:43:47,250 --> 00:43:51,119
So basically, Jimmy,
my business is video game arcades,

621
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:56,499
laundry, cigarette machines
and trucking.

622
00:43:57,426 --> 00:44:01,215
I dabble a little bit
in personal loans and politics.

623
00:44:06,185 --> 00:44:07,767
Very nice.

624
00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:13,016
I think that all that really matters
is that the kids are happy together.

625
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:16,565
Just as long as
my beautiful boy remembers

626
00:44:16,696 --> 00:44:19,734
that marrying this one means
he's out of the Girl-of-the-Month club.

627
00:44:19,866 --> 00:44:21,277
Hey, wait a minute.

628
00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:23,071
I can still look.

629
00:44:23,202 --> 00:44:25,660
I just can't touch. Right?

630
00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:28,451
- Oh, sensitive, huh?
- Rudy.

631
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:34,335
- Cheers.
- Right on.

632
00:44:38,134 --> 00:44:40,342
You do shots?
Come on, wolf it.

633
00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:59,565
Uh, good night, Marlene.
See you later, Dong.

634
00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:02,565
Sammy,
tell Grandpa not to wait up.

635
00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:04,987
- Let's go boogie.
- Sure.

636
00:45:07,788 --> 00:45:10,280
Donger's here for five hours
and he's got somebody.

637
00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:13,534
I live here my whole life,
and I'm like a disease.

638
00:45:22,845 --> 00:45:25,508
- ♪ So Fifi got a rocket shop
- ♪ Rev up

639
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,383
- ♪ She got a lotta what she got
- ♪ Rev up

640
00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:31,225
- ♪ Don't ever stop by lotsa work
- ♪ Rev up

641
00:45:31,354 --> 00:45:34,017
- ♪ She gotta get you to the top
- ♪ Rev up

642
00:45:34,148 --> 00:45:36,811
- ♪ We're hangin' out in Vinnie's car
- ♪ Rev up

643
00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:39,686
- ♪ We both go rippin' up the tar
- ♪ Rev up

644
00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:42,437
- ♪ Don't ever seem to get too far
- ♪ Rev up

645
00:45:42,573 --> 00:45:44,940
- ♪ Spend all our money in a bar
- ♪ Rev up

646
00:45:47,078 --> 00:45:50,071
♪ We wanna go out for a shot

647
00:45:52,792 --> 00:45:55,626
♪ Cos Trixie's ready to rev up

648
00:45:57,630 --> 00:45:58,746
♪ Rev up... ♪

649
00:45:58,881 --> 00:46:02,591
Everybody, I'd like you
to meet my boyfriend, Jake.

650
00:46:03,552 --> 00:46:06,670
Jake, this is everybody.

651
00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:08,593
Take it off.

652
00:46:09,475 --> 00:46:12,343
All right, whose is this?

653
00:46:13,145 --> 00:46:14,727
You're such a poop.

654
00:46:48,681 --> 00:46:50,217
Woof!

655
00:46:57,565 --> 00:46:59,306
Oh, Tony!

656
00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:16,080
Shit, Ted, that's my mom. I gotta get home.

657
00:47:16,208 --> 00:47:18,450
Change your frequency, OK?
Don't be such a wimp.

658
00:47:25,009 --> 00:47:27,797
Take those ridiculous
things off, OK?

659
00:47:29,263 --> 00:47:31,004
Will you guys grow up?

660
00:47:31,140 --> 00:47:34,304
Ted, won't we get pounded
if we go to a senior party?

661
00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:38,929
Wease, we got $70, and we got
a pair of girls' underpants.

662
00:47:39,065 --> 00:47:41,352
We're safe as kittens. OK?

663
00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:44,443
This is a great
social opportunity for us.

664
00:47:44,570 --> 00:47:46,061
Come on.

665
00:47:57,166 --> 00:47:58,702
Do not embarrass me, OK?

666
00:47:58,834 --> 00:48:00,666
For sure, we won't.

667
00:48:00,795 --> 00:48:03,287
- Will you fix your hair, Bryce?
- I already did.

668
00:48:04,298 --> 00:48:06,961
Wease, close your barn,
all right?

669
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:13,134
- And be polite to his parents, all right?
- OK, OK.

670
00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:22,898
Hey, come on in and party hearty,
dude persons.

671
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:30,197
He's from out of town, OK?
He speaks English, right?

672
00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:32,361
- Don't be such faggots.
- Man, shut up.

673
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,822
Kidding. Sorry.

674
00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:39,577
- Think we're gonna die?
- Definitely.

675
00:48:44,672 --> 00:48:47,130
♪ Hang up the phone

676
00:48:47,216 --> 00:48:49,128
♪ Get off the line... ♪

677
00:48:58,519 --> 00:49:00,226
We put the cat out?

678
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:01,765
We don't have a cat.

679
00:49:02,690 --> 00:49:03,976
Come on, dammit. Answer.

680
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,650
Oh, eat me.

681
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,322
Who is it?

682
00:49:22,168 --> 00:49:24,125
Well, what did they want?

683
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:27,629
Sex.

684
00:49:35,514 --> 00:49:36,925
Geek!

685
00:49:48,777 --> 00:49:51,690
Very nice. We're here
five minutes and then...

686
00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:54,314
I'm at a loss.

687
00:49:57,244 --> 00:49:59,031
Real smooth, Cliff.

688
00:50:10,216 --> 00:50:12,378
I've never been out
with a boy before.

689
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:14,046
Oh, me, neither.

690
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:23,934
Jake?

691
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:27,772
Where are you, Jake?

692
00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:31,730
Jakey, have you
stopped loving me?

693
00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:36,485
Leave me alone.

694
00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:49,161
What?

695
00:50:50,589 --> 00:50:52,751
I'm sorry, I don't do that.

696
00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:54,920
- Yes, you do.
- I know.

697
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,795
- Come on.
- Trace. You guys.

698
00:50:58,973 --> 00:51:01,135
Would you please help me,
please?

699
00:51:01,267 --> 00:51:04,055
- Oh, shit.
- Come on, you guys. I'm your prom queen.

700
00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:09,268
Trace, you guys, I'm serious.
Come on. I need help.

701
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,518
- OK.
- Oh, I broke those pearls!

702
00:51:12,653 --> 00:51:14,440
What's the problem?

703
00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:16,029
Several things.

704
00:51:20,661 --> 00:51:22,653
OK. We'll help you.

705
00:51:24,623 --> 00:51:27,582
Don't go away, Caroline, baby.

706
00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:35,089
Hello? Hello?

707
00:51:36,135 --> 00:51:39,128
Listen, I know you're there.
I can hear you breathing.

708
00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,350
Yes, hello, sir, um...

709
00:51:45,477 --> 00:51:48,561
Are you the little bugger
that's been calling up here all night

710
00:51:48,689 --> 00:51:49,975
and then hanging up?

711
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:53,938
Would it be possible for you to tell me
if there is a Samantha Baker there?

712
00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:56,186
And if so, sir,
may I converse with her briefly?

713
00:51:56,780 --> 00:52:00,069
Yes, it is. And no, you may not.

714
00:52:01,410 --> 00:52:02,696
Might I leave a message, sir?

715
00:52:04,872 --> 00:52:07,831
He wants to leave
a message for Sam.

716
00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:10,200
Here, give me that phone.

717
00:52:11,670 --> 00:52:13,662
Now, you listen to me, mister.

718
00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:17,416
God did not put me on this earth
to be awakened by filthy suggestions

719
00:52:17,551 --> 00:52:20,544
from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you.

720
00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:23,763
And as for our granddaughter,
I'm sure she has more than enough sense

721
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:25,928
to stay clear of the likes of you.

722
00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:27,847
Now, good night and goodbye!

723
00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:34,941
That was great.

724
00:52:35,694 --> 00:52:38,528
- Sam's lucky she has us, Howard.
- Yeah.

725
00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:42,775
Even if she doesn't appreciate us.

726
00:52:44,286 --> 00:52:45,868
Do you promise you won't get mad?

727
00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:47,988
No, I love you.

728
00:52:48,123 --> 00:52:50,490
OK, close your eyes.

729
00:52:51,627 --> 00:52:54,415
- Scalpel.
- Scalpel.

730
00:53:04,473 --> 00:53:05,884
My God.

731
00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:12,892
That was wonderful, Trace!
I'm so proud of you.

732
00:53:13,023 --> 00:53:15,390
I don't know how
to thank you enough.

733
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:17,643
- My pleasure.
- Oh.

734
00:53:31,125 --> 00:53:34,289
My God! Wow!

735
00:53:34,753 --> 00:53:37,313
- I hope they have insurance.
- The party's over.

736
00:54:28,223 --> 00:54:29,930
Son of a bitch.

737
00:54:40,611 --> 00:54:42,603
What a disaster.

738
00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:10,550
Jake!

739
00:55:12,518 --> 00:55:13,975
Sam.

740
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,636
Sweetheart?

741
00:55:18,816 --> 00:55:21,183
- Daddy?
- Hi, kiddo.

742
00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:24,478
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

743
00:55:24,613 --> 00:55:26,070
Everything's fine.

744
00:55:27,074 --> 00:55:29,691
I was just upstairs
and I couldn't sleep.

745
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:34,537
I feel like a real jerk, honey.

746
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:37,536
We forgot your birthday.

747
00:55:41,380 --> 00:55:43,542
I bet you're really POed, huh?

748
00:55:44,550 --> 00:55:46,758
No, it's OK.

749
00:55:46,885 --> 00:55:48,672
I'm not really
all that upset anymore.

750
00:55:50,806 --> 00:55:54,345
This wedding is really turning
this entire house inside out.

751
00:55:55,477 --> 00:55:58,015
And I just came down
to tell you that we did remember.

752
00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:00,976
Thanks, Dad.

753
00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:04,892
Happy birthday.

754
00:56:15,581 --> 00:56:17,618
Is something else wrong?

755
00:56:19,126 --> 00:56:20,412
No, why?

756
00:56:20,544 --> 00:56:23,106
I don't know, I just get the feeling
that something's bothering you.

757
00:56:23,130 --> 00:56:25,838
Something other than your birthday.

758
00:56:25,966 --> 00:56:28,800
No, I'm fine. Really.

759
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:36,140
I think I know what it is.

760
00:56:38,937 --> 00:56:41,304
It has to do with a certain guy?

761
00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:49,896
I know, honey, I know.

762
00:56:54,119 --> 00:56:57,283
We're all upset that
Ginny's marrying a bohunk.

763
00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:04,668
What's the matter?

764
00:57:06,423 --> 00:57:08,130
I meant Jake.

765
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:10,250
Jake?

766
00:57:10,385 --> 00:57:12,425
Wait a minute. I thought
she said his name was Rudy.

767
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:15,430
- Forget it.
- Forget what? Who's Jake?

768
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:23,058
He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing.
OK? Just forget it, please?

769
00:57:23,649 --> 00:57:25,185
Come on, Sam,
we're not communicating.

770
00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,602
It's extremely embarrassing, OK?

771
00:57:30,489 --> 00:57:32,230
What's embarrassing?

772
00:57:32,366 --> 00:57:35,655
Sitting in the dark with your dad,
telling him about your love life.

773
00:57:37,496 --> 00:57:39,613
I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam.

774
00:57:42,584 --> 00:57:46,328
Jake is a senior,
and he's beautiful and perfect.

775
00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:49,001
I like him a real lot,
and he doesn't like me. OK?

776
00:57:49,675 --> 00:57:51,007
Oh.

777
00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:54,252
And he's got this incredible girlfriend.

778
00:57:54,388 --> 00:57:57,381
I'm just this ridiculous dork
that's following him around like a puppy.

779
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:00,182
Why do you think you're a dork?

780
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:03,474
I don't think you're a dork.
I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.

781
00:58:03,605 --> 00:58:06,063
- Mike thinks I'm a dork.
- Mike is a dork.

782
00:58:08,110 --> 00:58:09,726
Well, so am I.

783
00:58:09,861 --> 00:58:12,729
Well, if it's any consolation,
I love you.

784
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:17,025
And if this guy can't see in you all the
beautiful and wonderful things that I see,

785
00:58:18,328 --> 00:58:20,536
then he's got the problem.

786
00:58:20,664 --> 00:58:22,576
I know. It just hurts.

787
00:58:24,251 --> 00:58:26,868
That's why they call them crushes.

788
00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:29,997
If they were easy,
they'd call them something else.

789
00:58:31,925 --> 00:58:35,339
Yeah, but if I were Ginny,
I'd have this guy crawling on his knees.

790
00:58:35,470 --> 00:58:38,178
Well, let me tell you
something about Ginny.

791
00:58:38,306 --> 00:58:42,141
Now, I love her as much as I love you.
But she's a different person.

792
00:58:43,061 --> 00:58:45,519
Sometimes I worry about her.

793
00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:48,435
You know, when you're given things
kind of easily,

794
00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:50,900
you don't always appreciate them.

795
00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:53,395
With you, I'm not worried.

796
00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:57,399
When it happens to you,
Samantha, it'll be forever.

797
00:59:02,247 --> 00:59:07,413
Well, I don't think I'll be able to sleep
if I don't feel this little talk has helped you.

798
00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:09,877
So would you be
a sport and lie to me?

799
00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:12,334
Yeah, sure, Daddy.

800
00:59:13,467 --> 00:59:15,880
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night.

801
00:59:22,642 --> 00:59:23,883
Oh, one more thing, sweetheart.

802
00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:28,346
- What?
- When you do find the right guy,

803
00:59:28,482 --> 00:59:29,768
don't let him boss you around.

804
00:59:31,568 --> 00:59:34,561
Make sure he knows
you wear the pants in the family.

805
00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:42,026
- These are really hers?
- Yeah.

806
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:43,949
How did you get them?

807
00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:46,118
She gave them to me.

808
00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:47,706
Did you...

809
00:59:47,834 --> 00:59:51,373
No. No, Jake,
she's crying for you.

810
00:59:51,505 --> 00:59:54,043
I told her you asked about her, right?
The girl freaked.

811
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:57,383
She had a hissy.
She thinks you're the cat's meow.

812
00:59:57,511 --> 00:59:58,752
- Really?
- Yeah.

813
00:59:58,887 --> 01:00:00,879
She came up to me
in the gym tonight.

814
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:03,631
She looked at me
like I was a leper.

815
01:00:03,767 --> 01:00:05,759
Girls will do that, Jake,
you know?

816
01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:08,557
You see, they know guys are,
like, in perpetual heat, right?

817
01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:11,806
They know this shit.
And they enjoy pumping us up.

818
01:00:11,942 --> 01:00:14,355
It's pure power politics,
I'm telling you.

819
01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:16,648
I thought she hated my guts.

820
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:19,773
Games, Jake.
Silly, torturous games.

821
01:00:19,908 --> 01:00:21,803
You know how many times
a week I go without lunch

822
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:23,659
because some bitch
borrows my lunch money?

823
01:00:23,787 --> 01:00:26,996
You know, any halfway decent girl
can rob me blind.

824
01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:29,411
Because I'm too torqued up
to say no.

825
01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:31,125
It's heinous, I'm telling you.

826
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:33,749
You better not be
dicking me around.

827
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,338
It'd be a major downer to try
and get together with this girl

828
01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:38,799
and find out she really does think
I'm a slime.

829
01:00:38,927 --> 01:00:41,340
Jake, would I dick you?

830
01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:43,884
Let me put it to you this way.

831
01:00:44,015 --> 01:00:45,335
What happens to me if I dick you?

832
01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:47,725
I'd kick your ass.

833
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,102
Right. So why would I lie?

834
01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:53,685
But I feel compelled
to mention to you, Jake,

835
01:00:53,817 --> 01:00:56,309
I mean, if all you want off the girl
is a piece of ass, I mean,

836
01:00:56,444 --> 01:00:59,983
I'll either do it myself,
or get someone bigger than me

837
01:01:00,115 --> 01:01:01,115
to kick your ass.

838
01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:06,953
I mean, not many girls
in contemporary American society today

839
01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:09,993
would give their underwear
to help a geek like me.

840
01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:12,996
I can get a piece of ass
any time I want.

841
01:01:13,712 --> 01:01:16,955
Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom
right now, passed out cold.

842
01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:20,754
I could violate her ten different ways
if I wanted to.

843
01:01:20,886 --> 01:01:22,502
What are you waiting for?

844
01:01:22,637 --> 01:01:25,880
I don't know. She's beautiful
and she's built and all that.

845
01:01:26,975 --> 01:01:29,763
I'm just not interested anymore.

846
01:01:29,895 --> 01:01:31,602
Does that really matter, guy?

847
01:01:31,730 --> 01:01:34,564
Yeah, it matters.
She's totally insensitive.

848
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,182
Look what she did to my house.

849
01:01:37,652 --> 01:01:39,609
She doesn't know shit about love.

850
01:01:39,738 --> 01:01:41,946
Only thing she cares about is partying.

851
01:01:42,073 --> 01:01:43,905
I want a serious girlfriend.

852
01:01:44,576 --> 01:01:47,068
Somebody I can love,
that's gonna love me back.

853
01:01:49,372 --> 01:01:50,829
Is that psycho?

854
01:01:53,668 --> 01:01:55,455
That's beautiful, Jake.

855
01:01:55,587 --> 01:01:57,947
You know, I think a ton of guys
feel the same way as you do.

856
01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:00,089
- Really?
- Yeah. It's just they don't...

857
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,195
They don't have the balls to admit it.
You know what I mean?

858
01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:04,962
I mean, they're just...
They're wimps.

859
01:02:05,096 --> 01:02:07,463
Samantha's...
She's really special, you know?

860
01:02:08,099 --> 01:02:09,681
I'll make a deal with you.

861
01:02:09,809 --> 01:02:12,222
You let me keep these,

862
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:14,516
I'll let you take Caroline home.

863
01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:16,310
But you gotta make sure
she gets home.

864
01:02:16,441 --> 01:02:19,809
You can't leave her in some
parking lot somewhere. OK?

865
01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:22,444
Jake, I'm only a freshman.

866
01:02:22,572 --> 01:02:25,781
So? She's so blitzed,
she won't know the difference.

867
01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:27,525
Jake, I don't have a car.

868
01:02:27,661 --> 01:02:29,118
You can take mine.

869
01:02:29,246 --> 01:02:31,954
Jake, I don't have a licence.

870
01:02:32,082 --> 01:02:33,698
I trust you.

871
01:02:37,587 --> 01:02:41,251
Jake, I'd love to.
I can't. Want a pretzel?

872
01:02:41,383 --> 01:02:44,000
- You sure?
- Positive.

873
01:02:56,940 --> 01:02:57,976
I got her.

874
01:02:58,108 --> 01:02:59,895
- You got her?
- Mm-hmm.

875
01:03:10,370 --> 01:03:11,781
This is your car, Jake?

876
01:03:11,913 --> 01:03:15,782
No, this is my dad's car.
You said you couldn't drive a stick.

877
01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:18,375
This is a mother...

878
01:03:18,503 --> 01:03:20,540
This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake.

879
01:03:20,672 --> 01:03:23,540
- So?
- So? So?

880
01:03:23,675 --> 01:03:26,418
I heard the grill alone
costs five grand on this.

881
01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:30,137
Five grand. Do you have five grand?
I don't have five grand.

882
01:03:30,265 --> 01:03:32,598
- Then don't hit anything.
- "Don't hit anything"...

883
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:34,763
Do you want to do this or not?

884
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,351
No.

885
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:42,190
Who the hell? Who does he...

886
01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:54,740
Uh-oh...

887
01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:06,707
Mm-hmm. Mm-mm...

888
01:04:09,137 --> 01:04:10,469
Who's he?

889
01:04:10,597 --> 01:04:12,088
That's me.

890
01:04:19,189 --> 01:04:20,350
Who are you?

891
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:21,768
I'm him.

892
01:04:27,906 --> 01:04:29,863
Oh.

893
01:04:29,991 --> 01:04:31,277
OK.

894
01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:34,611
- She's totally gone. Have fun.
- Thanks.

895
01:04:41,503 --> 01:04:44,917
- Jake, is your dad a big man, or...
- About 6'4".

896
01:04:45,048 --> 01:04:46,664
Very nice.

897
01:04:50,011 --> 01:04:52,253
Ho.

898
01:04:57,102 --> 01:04:58,809
Ho.

899
01:04:59,646 --> 01:05:01,387
Easy.

900
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:03,681
Easy.

901
01:05:21,709 --> 01:05:23,325
♪ Hey, sucker

902
01:05:24,796 --> 01:05:26,913
♪ What the hell's got into you?

903
01:05:29,926 --> 01:05:31,542
♪ Hey, sucker... ♪

904
01:05:35,598 --> 01:05:39,433
Oh, sexy girlfriend.

905
01:05:40,645 --> 01:05:42,386
Banzai!

906
01:06:28,359 --> 01:06:30,021
- Think they liked us?
- Definitely.

907
01:06:30,153 --> 01:06:32,190
Whoo! Go, darling geek.

908
01:06:32,322 --> 01:06:34,133
Could we turn that
music down a little bit?

909
01:06:34,157 --> 01:06:36,615
I'm a first-time driver.
I really need to concentrate.

910
01:06:36,743 --> 01:06:39,531
Excuse me. Stop that.

911
01:06:40,371 --> 01:06:42,738
Looks like rain.
Better put the top up.

912
01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:45,742
Will you stop that? You can get us
in a lot of trouble doing that.

913
01:06:45,877 --> 01:06:47,539
This is a car.

914
01:06:48,963 --> 01:06:51,922
He probably doesn't even got
Triple A on it or anything.

915
01:06:52,050 --> 01:06:54,633
Chug-a-lug, Pooh Bear.

916
01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:59,672
I can't believe you're so popular,
acting like this.

917
01:07:02,894 --> 01:07:04,476
Hello?

918
01:07:04,604 --> 01:07:06,937
Oh, I don't know.
I'll have to look.

919
01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:09,273
Mr Ryan, are you in here?

920
01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:12,017
He's not.
Mr Ryan's not in right now.

921
01:07:12,153 --> 01:07:14,770
My Christmas present to you.

922
01:07:14,906 --> 01:07:17,444
- Thank you.
- No. Really. Serious.

923
01:07:17,575 --> 01:07:19,157
See? See?

924
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,154
Thank you.

925
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,577
Now we're both on the pill.

926
01:07:32,465 --> 01:07:34,582
You gave me
a birth control pill?

927
01:07:34,717 --> 01:07:36,925
Do you have any idea
what that'll do to a guy my age?

928
01:07:37,053 --> 01:07:39,670
I know exactly what it'll do
to a girl my age.

929
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:41,843
First time in a car,
and then this shit.

930
01:07:41,975 --> 01:07:45,685
- It makes it OK to be really super careless.
- Wait, wait.

931
01:07:52,527 --> 01:07:55,895
Look, we're not going any further
until you stop these childish antics, Caroline.

932
01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:58,864
- Don't be such a poop.
- Huh!

933
01:08:00,118 --> 01:08:01,609
On second thought...

934
01:08:01,744 --> 01:08:03,451
I love you.

935
01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,787
This is getting good.

936
01:08:34,193 --> 01:08:36,185
Ted, what the hell are you doing?

937
01:08:36,321 --> 01:08:37,983
Are those humongous jocks back?

938
01:08:40,158 --> 01:08:41,865
Cliff, do you have
any film in your camera?

939
01:08:41,993 --> 01:08:43,279
What?

940
01:08:44,245 --> 01:08:46,862
Take those ridiculous things off.

941
01:08:48,333 --> 01:08:50,746
- Do you have any film in your camera?
- Sure.

942
01:08:50,877 --> 01:08:53,369
OK. You guys, go get it
and bring it outside, OK?

943
01:08:53,504 --> 01:08:54,995
- Right out front.
- What for?

944
01:08:55,131 --> 01:08:58,295
Look, just get it
and come on out front, OK?

945
01:08:58,426 --> 01:09:00,463
- UFO?
- It's better.

946
01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:02,712
Extraterrestrial?

947
01:09:02,847 --> 01:09:05,590
It's better. All right?
Just get it and come on outside.

948
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:07,182
Female extraterrestrial?

949
01:09:08,519 --> 01:09:10,385
It's better, now... Shh!

950
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:13,181
Better than female extraterrestrial?

951
01:09:13,316 --> 01:09:16,400
- How do you tell if it's a female?
- Cos it's got tits.

952
01:09:16,527 --> 01:09:18,487
Well, what makes them different
than regular tits?

953
01:09:18,529 --> 01:09:20,737
They got four.

954
01:09:20,865 --> 01:09:23,699
Just get the camera. It's in the closet.
No, don't go in the closet.

955
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:30,872
They're such assholes.
I can't believe it.

956
01:09:31,918 --> 01:09:33,284
...photography.

957
01:09:33,419 --> 01:09:35,689
Well, it's not my fault,
you should check that out.

958
01:09:35,713 --> 01:09:37,316
- Why do you always have to argue?
- I'm not arguing.

959
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:38,581
- Yes, you are.
- I am not.

960
01:09:38,716 --> 01:09:39,923
- Yes, you are.
- I am not.

961
01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:42,071
Every time I try to do something,
it's always bitch, bitch, bitch.

962
01:09:42,095 --> 01:09:44,633
Bitch is a female dog.
OK? Not even.

963
01:09:44,764 --> 01:09:46,676
What's that supposed to mean?

964
01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:49,383
- Shit.
- Shoot.

965
01:10:06,661 --> 01:10:09,119
Ted, that's a Rolls-Royce.

966
01:10:09,247 --> 01:10:10,988
Ted, that's the prom queen.

967
01:10:11,124 --> 01:10:12,990
You got two girls in one night.

968
01:10:13,835 --> 01:10:16,327
- I told you dudes I was hot.
- Hot? Ted, you're a legend.

969
01:10:16,462 --> 01:10:17,953
Will you shut up?

970
01:10:18,089 --> 01:10:19,955
People around here work,
all right?

971
01:10:21,008 --> 01:10:23,278
Now, will you hurry it up?
I'm breaking, like, 30 major laws here.

972
01:10:23,302 --> 01:10:25,089
- Come on.
- You know, Ted,

973
01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:27,634
nobody's gonna believe you.

974
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:28,926
No way.

975
01:10:30,935 --> 01:10:34,269
That, my friends,
is what the pictures are for.

976
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:35,763
OK?

977
01:10:36,315 --> 01:10:37,647
Ow!

978
01:10:49,454 --> 01:10:51,070
Just get that thing there.

979
01:10:52,123 --> 01:10:54,581
- All right, you guys ready?
- Wait, hold on.

980
01:10:56,627 --> 01:10:57,747
Just put it down just a bit.

981
01:10:57,837 --> 01:10:59,606
You guys know what you're doing here,
or what?

982
01:10:59,630 --> 01:11:01,337
All right, just a minute.

983
01:11:01,466 --> 01:11:03,628
- How does this look?
- Very nice.

984
01:11:04,260 --> 01:11:05,967
Wait a minute,
you know, black-and-white,

985
01:11:06,095 --> 01:11:08,382
it would just capture
the moment so nicely, wouldn't it?

986
01:11:08,514 --> 01:11:11,177
- Aww...
- Will you take the picture already?

987
01:11:11,309 --> 01:11:14,143
You're pissing me off,
I'm telling you.

988
01:11:16,814 --> 01:11:20,683
- Smile, pumpkin.
- What? Oh. Pictures.

989
01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:22,901
Cheers.

990
01:11:43,591 --> 01:11:46,459
♪ Treulich geführt

991
01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:49,837
♪ Ziehet dahin

992
01:11:49,972 --> 01:11:54,057
♪ Wo euch der Segen der Liebe bewahr ♪

993
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,313
Oh, Marlene, no. Marlene, no.

994
01:12:01,275 --> 01:12:02,686
Chill out, boy.

995
01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:04,734
Mike, honey, go get dressed.

996
01:12:04,862 --> 01:12:07,354
I can't believe it.
Ginny's not in the shower.

997
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:10,028
I wouldn't go in there
if I were you.

998
01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:13,573
Grandpa Fred was in there
for a half an hour. It's totally polluted.

999
01:12:13,704 --> 01:12:16,663
- Get dressed.
- It's your nose.

1000
01:12:21,170 --> 01:12:22,377
They never listen.

1001
01:12:23,214 --> 01:12:25,376
What was he wearing?

1002
01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:26,965
Well, he would have...

1003
01:12:27,093 --> 01:12:31,758
He was wearing a red argyle sweater
and tan trousers.

1004
01:12:31,889 --> 01:12:34,051
And red shoes.

1005
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:37,142
Hmm?
No, he's not retarded.

1006
01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:39,807
Now, what can I do to help?

1007
01:12:39,939 --> 01:12:43,057
- Well, you could finish the French toast.
- Good.

1008
01:12:44,569 --> 01:12:48,438
- I'll, erm... I'll just open the donuts.
- Good thinking.

1009
01:12:48,573 --> 01:12:50,906
Oops! Don't wanna lose the nails.

1010
01:12:57,039 --> 01:12:59,406
I'll just wait till I hear from you, then.

1011
01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:01,784
<i>Voilà</i>. Breakfast is ready.

1012
01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:06,167
Oh, Sam.

1013
01:13:06,966 --> 01:13:09,800
Sam, I am so sorry
about your birthday.

1014
01:13:11,220 --> 01:13:13,507
It's OK. I'll recover.

1015
01:13:14,432 --> 01:13:16,344
It's important to you.

1016
01:13:17,143 --> 01:13:20,727
And yesterday morning,
you were trying to tell me.

1017
01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:23,563
It's OK, Mom.

1018
01:13:24,191 --> 01:13:26,103
These things sometimes happen.

1019
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:27,771
Oh...

1020
01:13:27,904 --> 01:13:31,693
- Honey, I just feel miserable.
- You'll feel better.

1021
01:13:31,824 --> 01:13:33,110
Who died?

1022
01:13:37,121 --> 01:13:39,829
Is there something
you want to say to your sister?

1023
01:13:39,957 --> 01:13:43,541
What? Are you kidding?
Where should I start?

1024
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:46,795
I mean about her birthday.

1025
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:48,630
It was yesterday. We all forgot.

1026
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:52,672
Classic!

1027
01:13:58,142 --> 01:14:00,885
Deep down, he's really sorry.

1028
01:14:05,066 --> 01:14:07,809
- No, he's not.
- No, he's not.

1029
01:14:07,944 --> 01:14:11,233
I have to go to this wedding
and look like Miss Pretty Princess

1030
01:14:11,364 --> 01:14:13,276
in this dipshit's bridesmaid's dress.

1031
01:14:13,407 --> 01:14:16,775
I don't even have one-tenth of the bod
to fill the stupid bust up.

1032
01:14:16,911 --> 01:14:19,324
So what? Should I just waste myself
and spare the agony?

1033
01:14:20,247 --> 01:14:23,365
I was gonna tell you something,
but maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.

1034
01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:26,335
You may as well.
Nothing could shock me anymore.

1035
01:14:28,589 --> 01:14:31,629
Last night at the dance, my little brother
paid a buck to see your underwear.

1036
01:14:34,512 --> 01:14:38,347
I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish.

1037
01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:40,557
Well, I'm afraid
it's here to stay, Howie.

1038
01:14:45,898 --> 01:14:48,982
Sam, you're dragging your dress,
honey. Pick it up.

1039
01:14:49,110 --> 01:14:50,521
Come on, Ginny.

1040
01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:52,986
- Hurry up, sweetie.
- Why is she so slow?

1041
01:14:53,114 --> 01:14:55,258
Do not fuss at your sister.
It's her wedding day.

1042
01:14:55,282 --> 01:14:58,571
- Big deal.
- All right, is everybody in?

1043
01:14:58,703 --> 01:15:01,036
Oh, dear.
Are you all right, Ginny?

1044
01:15:01,163 --> 01:15:03,621
♪ Gee my life's a funny thing

1045
01:15:03,749 --> 01:15:06,082
♪ Am I still too young?

1046
01:15:06,919 --> 01:15:09,582
♪ All night... ♪

1047
01:15:09,714 --> 01:15:11,501
Come on, everybody.

1048
01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:16,134
Get in the car, please.
We're late already.

1049
01:15:16,262 --> 01:15:18,675
♪ She wants the young American

1050
01:15:18,806 --> 01:15:21,890
♪ All night

1051
01:15:22,018 --> 01:15:24,476
♪ She wants the young American... ♪

1052
01:15:24,603 --> 01:15:29,143
Helen, will you get in the car?
I don't know what they're fussing about.

1053
01:15:29,275 --> 01:15:30,766
Helen, get in the car.

1054
01:15:33,070 --> 01:15:36,029
♪ But heaven forbid, she'll take anything

1055
01:15:36,157 --> 01:15:38,274
♪ But the freak and his type,
all for nothing

1056
01:15:38,909 --> 01:15:41,652
♪ Misses a step and cuts his hand

1057
01:15:41,787 --> 01:15:43,824
♪ But showing nothing,
he swoops like a song ♪

1058
01:15:43,956 --> 01:15:45,618
Hey, Howard,
there's your Chinaman.

1059
01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:47,742
- Oh, thanks, Fred.
- Bye, Dong.

1060
01:15:49,336 --> 01:15:52,044
What the... What's he doing
on the ground there?

1061
01:15:52,173 --> 01:15:54,256
What's happened to him?
What's happened?

1062
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:56,215
Hold a mirror in front of his mouth.

1063
01:15:56,343 --> 01:15:58,460
Howard. He's dead!

1064
01:15:58,596 --> 01:16:01,589
Oh, shit. I pay seven grand
for a wedding, I'll never see it.

1065
01:16:01,724 --> 01:16:04,683
Oh, watch your language,
Mr Dirty Mouth.

1066
01:16:06,145 --> 01:16:09,513
- Oh, thank God, he is still warm.
- Oh, good.

1067
01:16:09,648 --> 01:16:12,106
- Here, help me roll him over.
- I'll help you.

1068
01:16:15,446 --> 01:16:17,654
- Gross.
- Ugh, canine cologne.

1069
01:16:17,782 --> 01:16:20,991
Oh, no more yankie my wankie.

1070
01:16:21,118 --> 01:16:23,030
The Donger need food.

1071
01:16:25,873 --> 01:16:28,616
Hell, he's three sheets
to the wind.

1072
01:16:29,627 --> 01:16:31,118
He's drunk as a skunk.

1073
01:16:31,253 --> 01:16:33,415
Oh, why don't you shut up,
Fred. Shut up.

1074
01:16:33,547 --> 01:16:35,004
Dong.

1075
01:16:37,051 --> 01:16:38,417
Dong.

1076
01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:41,469
Dong, Grandpa is talking to you.

1077
01:16:44,016 --> 01:16:45,427
Dong.

1078
01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:48,302
Where is my automobile?

1079
01:16:49,105 --> 01:16:52,018
Automobile?

1080
01:17:00,866 --> 01:17:02,903
Lake.

1081
01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:05,527
Big lake.

1082
01:17:05,663 --> 01:17:07,245
Why, you little scuzzbag.

1083
01:17:07,706 --> 01:17:08,787
Ow!

1084
01:17:11,043 --> 01:17:13,751
Oh, my. Is everything all right?

1085
01:17:14,463 --> 01:17:16,705
I was afraid you'd had an accident.

1086
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:20,008
I wish.

1087
01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:23,004
Her monthly bill came early.

1088
01:17:24,974 --> 01:17:28,433
Well, she's fine.
She just took a muscle relaxer.

1089
01:17:28,561 --> 01:17:30,644
Try four.

1090
01:17:30,771 --> 01:17:32,603
- You didn't.
- Mother.

1091
01:17:52,418 --> 01:17:54,080
Damn, Mom.
I've got my headgear on.

1092
01:17:54,211 --> 01:17:56,043
Will you wake up?

1093
01:17:57,506 --> 01:17:59,168
Where the hell am I?

1094
01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:03,885
I'll tell you where you are
if you'll tell me who you are.

1095
01:18:05,681 --> 01:18:07,297
Farmer Ted.

1096
01:18:07,433 --> 01:18:10,676
You're in the parking lot
across the street from my church.

1097
01:18:12,396 --> 01:18:14,183
You own a church?

1098
01:18:19,445 --> 01:18:21,027
What happened?

1099
01:18:21,155 --> 01:18:22,942
I have no idea.

1100
01:18:27,661 --> 01:18:29,823
Did I do that to your hair?

1101
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:33,327
At this point, anything's possible.

1102
01:18:36,503 --> 01:18:37,914
Um...

1103
01:18:40,633 --> 01:18:42,169
Did, erm...

1104
01:18:44,261 --> 01:18:46,298
- Did we, er...
- Yeah.

1105
01:18:47,806 --> 01:18:49,638
I'm pretty sure.

1106
01:18:51,685 --> 01:18:52,892
Erm...

1107
01:18:53,020 --> 01:18:55,512
Excuse me, but do you...

1108
01:18:55,648 --> 01:18:59,107
Do you know if...
Did I enjoy it?

1109
01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:01,921
What, am I nuts?
Of course I enjoyed it.

1110
01:19:02,029 --> 01:19:05,943
I mean...
What I meant was, did you?

1111
01:19:08,786 --> 01:19:10,322
Hmm.

1112
01:19:11,664 --> 01:19:14,156
You know,
I have this weird feeling I did.

1113
01:19:24,009 --> 01:19:26,217
Here, Ginny. Drink this.

1114
01:19:27,304 --> 01:19:28,920
Come on.

1115
01:19:30,724 --> 01:19:32,181
Here.

1116
01:19:36,438 --> 01:19:37,849
Wow.

1117
01:19:38,482 --> 01:19:39,939
Do I feel funky!

1118
01:19:40,067 --> 01:19:42,059
- Uh-huh!
- Oh, God!

1119
01:20:01,005 --> 01:20:03,088
OK. I'm coming.

1120
01:20:05,009 --> 01:20:08,593
Hello? Geez,
this place is so confusing.

1121
01:20:10,347 --> 01:20:11,804
OK.

1122
01:20:20,983 --> 01:20:23,726
Go away. I call FIB.
I call police.

1123
01:20:23,861 --> 01:20:25,944
- Go away.
- Open the door.

1124
01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:28,814
- No way, Jose.
- Open the door.

1125
01:20:28,949 --> 01:20:30,736
You beat up my face.

1126
01:20:30,868 --> 01:20:33,235
You grabbed my nuts.

1127
01:20:36,206 --> 01:20:38,619
- Was that you?
- Yeah. That me.

1128
01:20:40,711 --> 01:20:43,203
Oh, I'm so sorry.

1129
01:20:43,339 --> 01:20:47,504
I thought you my new,
new-style American girlfriend.

1130
01:20:47,634 --> 01:20:50,672
- Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?
- She not here.

1131
01:20:50,804 --> 01:20:53,262
- Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?
- She got married.

1132
01:20:53,390 --> 01:20:55,757
- What?
- She at the church.

1133
01:20:55,893 --> 01:20:58,101
She getting married to oily bohunk.

1134
01:20:59,104 --> 01:21:00,686
- Married?
- Married.

1135
01:21:00,814 --> 01:21:03,306
- Married?
- Yeah. Married.

1136
01:21:07,488 --> 01:21:08,729
Married?

1137
01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:11,322
Married! Geez.

1138
01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:21,036
Are you gonna be all right, sweetie?

1139
01:21:21,168 --> 01:21:24,707
It's gonna be a piece of cake, Bren.

1140
01:21:26,715 --> 01:21:29,583
Um, Ginny,
I'm really happy for you.

1141
01:21:30,803 --> 01:21:33,546
I'm sorry for being kind of a jerk lately.

1142
01:21:34,890 --> 01:21:37,303
That's really lovely, Sam.

1143
01:21:37,434 --> 01:21:39,721
I know you'll have a great marriage.

1144
01:21:44,650 --> 01:21:46,357
Ginny!

1145
01:21:50,197 --> 01:21:52,405
- Holy shit.
- She just had a cramp.

1146
01:21:53,033 --> 01:21:55,150
I don't care what she's got.
Look at her.

1147
01:21:55,285 --> 01:21:57,368
Will you please be quiet?

1148
01:21:57,496 --> 01:22:00,739
We don't want to announce to everyone
that she has her period.

1149
01:22:00,874 --> 01:22:06,290
I guess those guys who thought we had to
get married feel pretty stupid right now, huh, Padre?

1150
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:18,340
♪ Here comes the bride

1151
01:22:19,768 --> 01:22:22,135
♪ Big, fat and wide ♪

1152
01:22:34,241 --> 01:22:36,233
Love the teapot.

1153
01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:48,044
Could you move over?

1154
01:22:51,133 --> 01:22:53,341
- Are you OK? You all right?
- I gotta rest.

1155
01:22:53,469 --> 01:22:55,426
- Come on. Here we go.
- What's the matter?

1156
01:22:55,554 --> 01:22:57,341
Here comes the bride.

1157
01:23:02,227 --> 01:23:04,719
Here we go. OK. Come on.

1158
01:23:09,693 --> 01:23:11,150
I'm sorry.

1159
01:23:12,404 --> 01:23:14,191
I got it. I got it.

1160
01:23:18,952 --> 01:23:20,739
Hi.

1161
01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:22,703
I know you.

1162
01:23:24,541 --> 01:23:26,783
Can't see with this thing on.

1163
01:23:31,298 --> 01:23:33,540
I never went out with a freshman.

1164
01:23:34,510 --> 01:23:36,968
Not even when I was a freshman.

1165
01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:38,757
Me either.

1166
01:23:38,889 --> 01:23:40,130
You were pretty crazy.

1167
01:23:41,767 --> 01:23:44,009
- I was?
- Yeah.

1168
01:23:44,978 --> 01:23:46,219
But you know what I like best?

1169
01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:48,854
- My clean, close shave?
- No.

1170
01:23:51,860 --> 01:23:53,897
Waking up in your arms.

1171
01:23:55,447 --> 01:23:57,109
These things?

1172
01:24:02,204 --> 01:24:04,241
Shit. Jake.

1173
01:24:04,873 --> 01:24:06,284
Jake.

1174
01:24:08,752 --> 01:24:10,618
Holy shit.

1175
01:24:16,552 --> 01:24:19,260
- Stay here, OK?
- Oh, my God.

1176
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:26,392
I'm dead.

1177
01:24:35,737 --> 01:24:37,945
- Hello?
- 'Ted. You never called us back.

1178
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:39,689
'What happened?'

1179
01:24:39,825 --> 01:24:43,865
- Look, Wease. I told you not to call me here.
- 'Ted, we're dying. What happened?'

1180
01:24:43,996 --> 01:24:45,407
You wanna know what happened?

1181
01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:46,700
- Buy the book.
- 'Ted.'

1182
01:24:55,007 --> 01:24:57,545
I'm really sorry about getting you
mixed up with that guy.

1183
01:24:57,676 --> 01:24:59,167
Oh, it's OK.

1184
01:24:59,970 --> 01:25:01,882
It wasn't too terrible.

1185
01:25:02,014 --> 01:25:03,380
Weird?

1186
01:25:06,059 --> 01:25:08,051
I'm really sorry about last night.

1187
01:25:08,186 --> 01:25:09,927
The party.

1188
01:25:10,731 --> 01:25:12,438
Lots of things.

1189
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:19,229
You know,
neither one of us is gonna die

1190
01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,656
if it doesn't happen for us.

1191
01:25:23,535 --> 01:25:25,276
That's true.

1192
01:25:25,412 --> 01:25:27,369
I just don't know right now.

1193
01:25:27,497 --> 01:25:30,285
But I'm covered, OK?
I won't get hurt.

1194
01:25:32,085 --> 01:25:33,576
Sure.

1195
01:25:36,298 --> 01:25:38,210
I'll leave it up to you.

1196
01:25:39,468 --> 01:25:41,084
Fine.

1197
01:26:25,305 --> 01:26:28,389
- Oh, my God.
- Her veil.

1198
01:26:56,920 --> 01:26:58,707
Come on, honey.

1199
01:27:00,590 --> 01:27:01,922
- Honey.
- Let's go!

1200
01:27:02,050 --> 01:27:04,292
Come on. Here we go.

1201
01:27:04,428 --> 01:27:06,340
Get her in the back seat, Rudy!

1202
01:27:08,348 --> 01:27:09,930
<i>Bon voyage!</i>

1203
01:27:12,269 --> 01:27:13,851
- See you later.
- Bye!

1204
01:27:13,979 --> 01:27:16,312
- Goodbye!
- So long, kids.

1205
01:27:30,787 --> 01:27:32,323
Oh, hi.

1206
01:27:32,456 --> 01:27:34,789
Er, my sister forgot her veil.

1207
01:27:34,916 --> 01:27:37,624
I know she wouldn't want anything
to happen to it. She's...

1208
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:40,996
- She's a little out of it.
- Just a little bit.

1209
01:27:41,131 --> 01:27:43,999
Yeah. Well, excuse me.

1210
01:27:44,134 --> 01:27:47,377
Everybody's waiting for me.
I wanna make sure I see my sister leave.

1211
01:27:47,512 --> 01:27:49,219
Goodbye.

1212
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:51,213
Bye.

1213
01:27:51,349 --> 01:27:53,386
Oh, I need a drink.

1214
01:28:23,882 --> 01:28:25,794
♪ If you were here

1215
01:28:25,926 --> 01:28:28,543
- Me?
- Yeah, you.

1216
01:28:32,098 --> 01:28:34,181
♪ If you were here

1217
01:28:34,309 --> 01:28:36,471
♪ You would believe

1218
01:28:40,649 --> 01:28:42,185
♪ But would you suspect... ♪

1219
01:28:42,317 --> 01:28:43,353
- Hi.
- Hi.

1220
01:28:43,485 --> 01:28:45,272
- Hi.
- Hi.

1221
01:28:49,241 --> 01:28:50,857
What are you doing here?

1222
01:28:50,992 --> 01:28:52,028
I heard you were here.

1223
01:28:53,537 --> 01:28:55,995
You came here for me?

1224
01:28:56,122 --> 01:28:57,704
Is that OK?

1225
01:28:58,834 --> 01:28:59,915
Yeah, it's OK.

1226
01:29:00,961 --> 01:29:02,497
Do you have to go
to the reception now?

1227
01:29:04,005 --> 01:29:05,712
I'm supposed to.

1228
01:29:06,758 --> 01:29:09,000
- Can I call you later?
- Sure.

1229
01:29:11,721 --> 01:29:13,212
I mean, no.

1230
01:29:16,142 --> 01:29:17,428
No, I can't call you later?

1231
01:29:17,936 --> 01:29:19,347
Yeah.

1232
01:29:20,397 --> 01:29:22,980
No, I mean I'm not going
to the reception.

1233
01:29:25,193 --> 01:29:26,479
Oh. Great.

1234
01:29:41,334 --> 01:29:43,326
That's the boy!

1235
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:14,991
Thanks for getting my undies back.

1236
01:30:15,118 --> 01:30:17,075
Thanks for coming over.

1237
01:30:17,871 --> 01:30:19,988
Thanks for coming to get me.

1238
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:24,159
Happy birthday, Samantha.

1239
01:30:26,129 --> 01:30:27,870
Make a wish.

1240
01:30:30,508 --> 01:30:32,500
It already came true.

1241
01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:37,512
♪ If you were here

1242
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:40,224
♪ I could deceive you

1243
01:30:43,855 --> 01:30:45,687
♪ If you were here

1244
01:30:45,815 --> 01:30:48,398
♪ You would believe

1245
01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:54,230
♪ But would you suspect

1246
01:30:54,366 --> 01:30:59,828
♪ My emotion wandering, yeah

1247
01:30:59,955 --> 01:31:06,293
♪ Do not want a part of this anymore ♪

1248
01:31:12,050 --> 01:31:17,341
♪ Sixteen candles

1249
01:31:19,057 --> 01:31:23,222
♪ Make a lovely, lovely light

1250
01:31:25,897 --> 01:31:29,561
♪ But not as bright

1251
01:31:32,112 --> 01:31:37,699
♪ As your eyes tonight

1252
01:31:38,368 --> 01:31:43,204
♪ Blow out the candles

1253
01:31:44,958 --> 01:31:48,201
♪ Make your wish come true

1254
01:31:52,132 --> 01:31:55,625
♪ For I'll be wishing

1255
01:31:58,179 --> 01:32:02,014
♪ That you love me, too

1256
01:32:04,644 --> 01:32:08,479
♪ You're only sixteen

1257
01:32:10,692 --> 01:32:14,686
♪ But you're my teenage queen

1258
01:32:18,158 --> 01:32:24,120
♪ You're the prettiest, the loveliest girl

1259
01:32:24,664 --> 01:32:28,123
♪ I've ever seen

1260
01:32:30,378 --> 01:32:34,668
♪ Sixteen candles

1261
01:32:37,177 --> 01:32:41,342
♪ In my heart will glow

1262
01:32:44,350 --> 01:32:49,220
♪ Forever and ever and ever, whoa whoa

1263
01:32:50,398 --> 01:32:55,018
♪ For I love you so

1264
01:32:56,738 --> 01:32:58,229
♪ Hey!

1265
01:33:22,639 --> 01:33:29,639
♪ Sixteen candles, yeah

1266
01:33:29,979 --> 01:33:35,099
♪ In my heart, in my heart will glow

1267
01:33:37,070 --> 01:33:41,440
♪ Forever and ever and ever

1268
01:33:43,243 --> 01:33:46,702
♪ For I love you so

1269
01:33:46,830 --> 01:33:53,830
♪ For I love you so, whoa whoa ♪