1
00:02:47,794 --> 00:02:49,464
The smell is sweet,
2
00:02:49,546 --> 00:02:52,136
with urine only a minor component,
3
00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:56,726
the prevalent odour suggesting
the inside of someone's ear.
4
00:02:56,803 --> 00:02:58,933
Dank clothes are there, too,
5
00:02:59,014 --> 00:03:02,274
wet wool and onions, which she eats raw,
6
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:06,100
plus, what for me has always been
the essence of poverty,
7
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,647
damp newspaper.
8
00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:15,858
Miss Shepherd's multi-flavoured aroma
9
00:03:15,947 --> 00:03:19,947
is masked by a liberal application
of various talcum powders,
10
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:23,625
with Yardley's Lavender always a favourite.
11
00:03:23,705 --> 00:03:26,215
And currently it is this genteel fragrance
12
00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:32,211
that dominates the second subject,
as it were, in her odoriferous concerto.
13
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:36,838
But as she goes, the original theme returns,
14
00:03:37,052 --> 00:03:41,102
her own primary odour
now triumphantly restated
15
00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:44,811
and left hanging in the house
long after she has departed.
16
00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:47,019
Tell her.
17
00:03:50,649 --> 00:03:51,649
Miss Shepherd.
18
00:03:51,858 --> 00:03:54,858
In future, I would prefer it
if you didn't use my lavatory.
19
00:03:54,986 --> 00:03:57,116
There are lavatories at the bottom
of the High Street. Use those.
20
00:03:57,197 --> 00:04:00,657
They smell.
And I'm by nature a very clean person.
21
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:04,414
I have a testimonial for a clean room,
awarded me some years ago.
22
00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:08,039
And, do you know, my aunt, herself spotless,
23
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:11,635
said I was the cleanest
of all my mother's children,
24
00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:14,675
particularly in the unseen places.
25
00:04:22,722 --> 00:04:24,312
The writer is double.
26
00:04:26,643 --> 00:04:31,563
There is the self who does the writing,
and there is the self who does the living.
27
00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:34,818
And they talk. They argue.
28
00:04:34,901 --> 00:04:37,861
Writing is talking to oneself.
29
00:04:37,946 --> 00:04:39,746
And I've been doing it all my life,
30
00:04:39,823 --> 00:04:43,703
and long before I first saw this house
five years ago.
31
00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:48,833
- Fifteen?
- Number 10 fetched 17.
32
00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:51,875
Come on.
I thought you had a play on in the West End.
33
00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:55,959
These houses have got so much potential,
34
00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:58,167
once you get rid of the junk.
35
00:04:58,258 --> 00:05:00,758
There you have it. Gloucester Crescent.
36
00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:07,024
Good street. On the up and up.
37
00:05:12,022 --> 00:05:14,652
Big motor, have you? Loads of room.
38
00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:23,699
Watch out...
39
00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:29,625
- Just be a few minutes.
- All right, governor.
40
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,060
You're not Saint John, are you?
41
00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:56,065
- Saint John who?
- Saint John, the disciple whom Jesus loved.
42
00:05:56,149 --> 00:05:58,069
No. The name's Bennett.
43
00:05:58,151 --> 00:06:00,991
Well, if you're not Saint John,
I need a push for the van.
44
00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:02,991
It's conked out.
45
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:07,240
The battery, possibly.
I put some water in. Hasn't done the trick.
46
00:06:07,327 --> 00:06:08,737
Well, was it distilled water?
47
00:06:09,704 --> 00:06:13,334
It was holy water,
so it doesn't matter if it's distilled or not.
48
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:16,216
'Course, the oil is another possibility.
49
00:06:16,294 --> 00:06:17,754
That's not holy, too?
50
00:06:17,837 --> 00:06:21,707
Holy oil? Well, in a van,
it would be far too expensive. Now.
51
00:06:22,175 --> 00:06:25,975
I want pushing around the corner. So...
52
00:06:33,186 --> 00:06:35,196
Are you wanting to go far?
53
00:06:35,271 --> 00:06:37,941
Possibly. I'm in two minds.
54
00:06:41,361 --> 00:06:43,111
I'm turning left!
55
00:06:57,252 --> 00:06:58,382
Is that it?
56
00:06:59,546 --> 00:07:01,636
I need... I need the other end.
57
00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:03,846
Well, that's half a mile away.
58
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:06,555
I'm in dire need of assistance.
59
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:08,895
I'm a sick woman.
60
00:07:09,389 --> 00:07:10,509
Dying, possibly.
61
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:16,018
I'm just looking for a last resting place,
somewhere to lay my head.
62
00:07:18,523 --> 00:07:20,113
Do you know of anyone?
63
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:24,942
Bye-bye, madam. Mind how you go.
64
00:07:26,364 --> 00:07:30,624
A proper writer might welcome such
an encounter as constituting experience.
65
00:07:31,286 --> 00:07:35,256
Me, I have to wait and mull it over.
66
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:36,911
She saw you coming.
67
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,039
She's old.
68
00:07:39,669 --> 00:07:42,039
You wouldn't get Harold Pinter
pushing a van down the street.
69
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:43,340
No, unlike me.
70
00:07:43,423 --> 00:07:47,933
But then I'm too busy not writing plays
and leading my mad, vigourous creative life.
71
00:07:48,094 --> 00:07:51,474
Yeah, you live it, I write it.
72
00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:57,389
- Welcome.
- Hello.
73
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,058
- All moved in?
- Hello. Yes.
74
00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:01,614
- Was the move good?
- Yes, thank you.
75
00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:02,771
Well done.
76
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,030
It's a pretty house.
77
00:08:08,114 --> 00:08:11,454
Not as big as ours, of course,
but then you're unattached.
78
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,454
No, it's attached to the house behind.
79
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,622
I mean you. You're single.
80
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:24,461
Sickert once lived in the street, apparently.
Dickens' abandoned wife.
81
00:08:24,756 --> 00:08:27,136
Now it's the usual North London medley.
82
00:08:27,217 --> 00:08:32,087
Advertising, journalism, TV.
People like you, writers, artists.
83
00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:33,764
Anything in the pipeline?
84
00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:36,312
Well, I have got a play on in the West End.
85
00:08:37,143 --> 00:08:39,393
Of course you have, yeah.
86
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,940
Dare one ask?
87
00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:43,482
Thirteen five.
88
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,320
- My God.
- Yes, I know.
89
00:08:46,444 --> 00:08:49,364
We're twice as big,
so what does that make ours worth?
90
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,951
Mind you,
our new neighbour won't help the prices.
91
00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,244
Yes, we've met.
92
00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:56,867
Last year, she was in Gloucester Avenue.
Now it's our turn.
93
00:08:56,996 --> 00:08:59,376
She seems to have settled at 66.
94
00:08:59,666 --> 00:09:01,926
- Will they mind?
- I hope not.
95
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:04,128
We like to think we're a community.
96
00:09:05,505 --> 00:09:07,465
Well, it's nice to talk to you.
97
00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:12,969
So, what play has he got on?
98
00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:15,394
We saw it. That domestic thing.
99
00:09:17,892 --> 00:09:18,982
Gone.
100
00:09:22,897 --> 00:09:25,977
- That's litter, Mummy.
- Those are her things.
101
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:30,950
We thought you might like some pears.
They're from our garden in Suffolk.
102
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,817
Pears repeat on me.
103
00:09:37,453 --> 00:09:39,083
Were you planning on staying long?
104
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:42,708
Not with that din going on.
105
00:09:46,296 --> 00:09:47,556
I know what you're thinking.
106
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:50,920
Still, it's nice to feel
we're doing our bit for the homeless.
107
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:58,058
I'd like to keep it like this. Simple.
108
00:09:58,224 --> 00:10:00,064
- Monastic.
- Quite.
109
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:04,308
- This is my bedroom.
- Nice.
110
00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:07,321
So, do you like being in the play?
111
00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:10,689
Love it. Love it.
112
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:13,398
So English. Just what people want.
113
00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:17,331
Bed looks comfortable.
114
00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:21,580
Well, maybe you could come around
and give me a hand with the decorating.
115
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:24,834
Sure. My girlfriend's a dab hand
at the painting.
116
00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:30,502
Hello, darling. You look a character.
117
00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:37,145
Yes. This is Camden Town.
118
00:10:38,765 --> 00:10:43,855
Yes! I'm here most days. I teach.
And the pavement is my blackboard.
119
00:10:44,395 --> 00:10:47,905
Now, I also sell pencils.
120
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,400
Yeah, a gentleman came by the other day.
121
00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:52,195
He said the pencil he bought from me
122
00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:56,528
was the best pencil on the market
at the present time.
123
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,954
You're against the common markets, I see.
124
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,410
Me? Who said it was me?
125
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,618
- You're not the writer?
- Not necessarily.
126
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,210
But I'll go so far as to say this.
127
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:11,345
They're anonymous.
128
00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:15,381
And they're a shilling!
You've only given me sixpence.
129
00:11:16,177 --> 00:11:19,547
Well, it says there,
"Saint Francis hurled money from him."
130
00:11:19,639 --> 00:11:22,769
Well, yes, but he was a saint.
131
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:24,062
He could afford to.
132
00:11:25,645 --> 00:11:27,195
Sodding beggars!
133
00:11:28,356 --> 00:11:32,656
I'm not a beggar! I'm self-employed,
and this gentleman is my neighbour.
134
00:11:50,545 --> 00:11:52,595
On the move again? You didn't stay long.
135
00:11:52,672 --> 00:11:55,422
No. Because it was non-stop music.
136
00:11:56,509 --> 00:11:59,219
Lucy is doing her O levels.
137
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,303
It's the noise levels I'm worried about.
138
00:12:05,852 --> 00:12:06,892
Wave, darling.
139
00:12:08,855 --> 00:12:09,855
Bye, darling.
140
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:12,062
Don't stay up too late. Bye, darling.
141
00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,441
Sorry about all this.
142
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:15,786
- Glyndebourne.
- Cosi.
143
00:12:15,945 --> 00:12:17,785
Lucky you. Have fun.
144
00:12:18,656 --> 00:12:20,496
Look out. Madam's on the move.
145
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:28,038
So, whose turn will it be now?
146
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:31,881
- Slow down.
- I don't want to miss the curtain.
147
00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:35,341
- Mrs Vaughan Williams?
- No. The Birts.
148
00:12:35,423 --> 00:12:36,423
No!
149
00:12:37,884 --> 00:12:39,684
Sixty-two.
150
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,720
No. Who?
151
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,224
No! No!
152
00:12:43,556 --> 00:12:45,726
- No, darling, that's us!
- Stop the cab!
153
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,816
Sorry! Sorry!
154
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,441
Sorry!
155
00:12:53,149 --> 00:12:54,649
Sorry, you can't park here.
156
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:57,284
No, I've had guidance.
This is where it should go.
157
00:12:57,361 --> 00:13:01,531
- Guidance? Who from?
- The Virgin Mary. I spoke to her yesterday.
158
00:13:01,616 --> 00:13:05,996
She was outside the post office in Parkway.
159
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:07,408
What does she know about parking?
160
00:13:07,497 --> 00:13:09,537
Rufus, tell her we're going to Glyndebourne!
161
00:13:09,624 --> 00:13:10,924
I need a ruler.
162
00:13:11,209 --> 00:13:14,669
I must measure the distance
between the tyres and the curb.
163
00:13:14,754 --> 00:13:18,674
See, one and a half inches is the ideal gap.
164
00:13:18,758 --> 00:13:22,338
I came across that
in a Catholic motoring magazine
165
00:13:22,428 --> 00:13:24,428
under "Tips on Christian Parking."
166
00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:27,524
This isn't Christian parking.
It's a bloody liberty.
167
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,680
Rufus.
168
00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:31,814
You try to be nice,
and where does it get you?
169
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:33,026
Darling.
170
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,985
Well, you didn't stay long outside 66.
171
00:13:36,484 --> 00:13:38,534
Not with that din.
172
00:13:38,778 --> 00:13:40,358
They're not musical, are they?
173
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,030
Who?
174
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,454
You know, 61.
175
00:13:44,534 --> 00:13:47,794
No. They go to the opera. Are you all right?
176
00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:50,202
What With all this t0-do,
177
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:52,999
I think I'm about to be taken short.
178
00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:56,042
Can I use your lavatory?
179
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:58,708
No! The flush is on the blink.
180
00:13:58,798 --> 00:14:00,008
I don't mind.
181
00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:03,185
Where is it?
182
00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:04,591
Where is it?
183
00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:11,639
Thank you.
184
00:14:36,002 --> 00:14:38,252
I've got a meeting at the BBC.
185
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:40,337
What about?
186
00:14:40,423 --> 00:14:42,013
It's just something I'm writing.
187
00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:45,839
I thought you were coming up.
188
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,678
In a week or two.
189
00:14:47,847 --> 00:14:50,097
I'm on my own.
190
00:14:50,433 --> 00:14:51,603
I know you're on your own.
191
00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:53,064
We're all on our own.
192
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:58,482
Well, can I come down there for a bit?
Is it a big house?
193
00:14:58,816 --> 00:15:02,536
Not really. You wouldn't like it.
It's too many stairs.
194
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:05,697
They have these chairlift things now.
195
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,452
Are you still there?
196
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:15,213
Yes.
197
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:20,254
The foot feller came today.
198
00:15:21,464 --> 00:15:23,264
- Who?
- The foot feller.
199
00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:26,339
Do you mean the chiropodist?
200
00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:29,806
- You've written that down.
- I haven't.
201
00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:35,639
Hey, I've given you some script.
I'm just raw material.
202
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:37,768
No, you're not.
203
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,310
Mam.
204
00:15:43,027 --> 00:15:44,527
Are you all right?
205
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:47,242
Yeah. It's the van.
206
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,951
- It gets very close.
- I imagine.
207
00:15:50,034 --> 00:15:51,034
You're tall.
208
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:55,410
My husband was tall.
I'm Mrs Vaughan Williams.
209
00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:58,419
I won't shake hands. Gardening.
210
00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:01,381
What, the composer? Greensleeves?
211
00:16:01,462 --> 00:16:02,542
Among other things.
212
00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:06,922
Why? Are you musical?
I don't even know your name.
213
00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:09,431
It's Miss Shepherd.
214
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:15,772
But I wouldn't want it bandied about.
I'm in an incognito position, possibly.
215
00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:17,645
Safe with me.
216
00:16:18,771 --> 00:16:22,271
Shepherd. Drove ambulances
in the war, apparently.
217
00:16:22,358 --> 00:16:23,398
Well, where did she spring from?
218
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,154
- And a nun once.
- A nun?
219
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,937
In the convent up the street.
220
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:31,569
Still, everybody's got something to hide.
My brother-in-law's a policeman.
221
00:16:31,659 --> 00:16:35,659
That's Camden!
People wash up here. Like me.
222
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:38,625
- She'd be a good subject.
- What for?
223
00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:41,208
You. One of your little plays.
224
00:16:41,711 --> 00:16:44,381
Remember, I planted the seed!
225
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:47,207
No. No.
226
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:52,435
I'm writing about Mam half the time as it is.
One old lady's enough.
227
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:55,723
I live, you write. That's how it works.
228
00:16:55,808 --> 00:16:57,638
- Yeah, except you don't much.
- Don't what?
229
00:16:57,727 --> 00:17:01,187
Live. Put yourself into what you write.
230
00:17:01,272 --> 00:17:03,732
How? We're both so fucking tame.
231
00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:12,488
Miss Shepherd? I'm Lois. The social worker.
232
00:17:12,825 --> 00:17:17,335
I don't want a social worker. I'm about
to listen to the repeat of Any Answers?
233
00:17:17,455 --> 00:17:20,755
I brought you some clothes.
You wrote asking for a coat.
234
00:17:20,833 --> 00:17:23,833
Not during Any Answers? I'm a busy woman.
235
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,878
I only asked for one coat.
236
00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:29,014
I brought three,
in case you fancied a change.
237
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:32,221
Where am I supposed to put three coats?
238
00:17:32,303 --> 00:17:34,303
Green is not my colour.
239
00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:36,103
Have you got a stick?
240
00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:40,849
The Council have that in hand.
It's been precepted for.
241
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,026
Will it be long enough?
242
00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:45,061
Yes. It's one of our special sticks.
243
00:17:45,149 --> 00:17:46,979
I don't want a special stick.
244
00:17:47,610 --> 00:17:50,530
I want an ordinary stick, only longer.
Shut the door.
245
00:17:51,614 --> 00:17:54,414
If I should want to get in touch with you,
whom should I call?
246
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:57,198
Well, you can try Mr Bennett at 23.
247
00:17:57,328 --> 00:18:02,158
Only don't take any notice of what he says.
He's a communist, possibly.
248
00:18:04,752 --> 00:18:07,132
Well, have you tried the people opposite?
They're nearer.
249
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:11,476
Well, they said they don't relate to her.
You were the one she related to.
250
00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:14,684
Is that what they said? "Related to"?
251
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:16,797
No, that's me.
252
00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:18,349
They said you were her pal.
253
00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:24,023
- She was your girlfriend.
- Jesus.
254
00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:26,404
Does she use your lavatory?
255
00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:29,019
Well, only in an emergency.
256
00:18:29,819 --> 00:18:31,779
That might give her squatter's rights.
257
00:18:33,239 --> 00:18:34,739
We'd be much happier if she moved on.
258
00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:36,241
"We"?
259
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,331
Camden.
260
00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:40,538
All right, I've got everything.
261
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:43,581
The sherbet lemons, the Cup-a-Soup,
the miniature whiskey.
262
00:18:45,084 --> 00:18:46,754
That's medicinal.
263
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:55,260
Well, she seemed very understanding,
the social worker.
264
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:57,594
Not understanding enough.
265
00:18:57,805 --> 00:19:01,565
I mean, I ask for a wheelchair,
and what does she get me?
266
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:02,812
A walking stick.
267
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:06,775
And she says I don't get an allowance
unless I get an address?
268
00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:09,769
Look, "The Van, Gloucester Crescent."
Isn't that an address?
269
00:19:09,859 --> 00:19:12,689
No! it needs to be a house.
270
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,786
A residence.
271
00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:22,451
Anyway, I might be going away soon,
possibly.
272
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,375
How long for?
273
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,796
Broadstairs, possibly.
274
00:19:27,293 --> 00:19:29,963
Why Broadstairs? Have you family there?
275
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,840
No. No.
276
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:34,054
Have you got any family?
277
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:36,513
I just need the air.
278
00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:41,181
I saw a snake this morning.
It was coming up Parkway.
279
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,813
A long grey snake.
280
00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:46,396
- It's a boa constrictor, possibly.
- No.
281
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,398
It looked poisonous.
282
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,230
It was keeping close to the wall,
283
00:19:50,316 --> 00:19:53,656
and I have a feeling
it was headed for the van.
284
00:19:53,736 --> 00:19:54,746
No, Miss Shepherd...
285
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:58,410
I thought I'd better warn you,
just to be on the safe side.
286
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,070
I've had some close shaves with snakes.
287
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,910
Listen to me, Miss Shepherd, there are no
boa constrictors in Camden Town.
288
00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:09,917
Well, are you calling me a liar?
I know a boa constrictor when I see one.
289
00:20:10,002 --> 00:20:12,792
You all right, my love?
Looking especially lovely today, sweetheart.
290
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,766
Don't "sweetheart" me.
291
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:20,182
I'm a sick woman! Dying, possibly.
292
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:24,350
Well, chin up, love, we all gotta go sometime.
293
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:27,727
Smells like you already have.
294
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:34,231
I do not believe in the snake,
still less that it was en route for the van.
295
00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:39,357
Only next day, I find there has been
a break-in at the local pet shop.
296
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:41,408
So, there may have been a snake on the run.
297
00:20:41,492 --> 00:20:42,662
Good God.
298
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:45,080
So, of course, I feel guilty.
299
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:48,002
Giles! Giles! Giles!
300
00:20:48,082 --> 00:20:53,002
A real writer would have asked her
about her close shaves with snakes,
301
00:20:53,087 --> 00:20:55,247
only she seems to have cleared off.
302
00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:56,714
Quick as you can, love.
303
00:20:56,882 --> 00:21:00,762
I'm getting off. Don't rush me! Don't rush me.
304
00:21:17,528 --> 00:21:18,528
Nightie?
305
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,456
This is not a nightdress.
306
00:21:23,617 --> 00:21:26,947
This style can't have got to Broadstairs yet.
307
00:21:27,121 --> 00:21:31,041
And I know the law.
You can't be arrested for wearing a nightie.
308
00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:32,425
What're you doing in Broadstairs?
309
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:35,591
I am minding my own business!
310
00:22:09,997 --> 00:22:12,327
Alan! Come out here!
311
00:22:12,666 --> 00:22:14,006
What for?
312
00:22:14,168 --> 00:22:17,338
There's some massive birds on the wall.
313
00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:22,011
There never are. There's nothing on the wall.
You're imagining things.
314
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,932
There are.
315
00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:29,508
And there were, lined up on the garden wall,
four peacocks from the Hall.
316
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:33,520
So, boa constrictors in the street,
peacocks on the wall.
317
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:37,524
It seems that both at the northern
and southern gates of my life
318
00:22:37,983 --> 00:22:39,783
stands a deluded woman.
319
00:22:39,985 --> 00:22:42,495
- Except you just said they aren't.
- Aren't what?
320
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:44,784
- Deluded.
- Well, not in this particular instance.
321
00:22:44,865 --> 00:22:47,165
And they're not the same, Alan.
Mam and Miss Shepherd.
322
00:22:47,284 --> 00:22:50,914
No, Alan, they are not.
But they are both old ladies.
323
00:22:50,996 --> 00:22:52,916
That appears to be my niche apparently.
324
00:22:53,207 --> 00:22:55,707
Whereas my contemporaries
lovingly chronicle
325
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:58,754
their first tentative investigations
of the opposite sex,
326
00:22:58,837 --> 00:23:02,127
or their adventures
in the world of journalism,
327
00:23:02,216 --> 00:23:04,226
I'm stuck with old ladies.
328
00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:07,805
All right. I'm keeping a sodding notebook.
329
00:23:07,888 --> 00:23:09,138
But only on the off chance.
330
00:23:09,223 --> 00:23:11,353
She's not a project. She's not in the pipeline.
331
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:14,347
I don't want to write about her. She's...
332
00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:17,063
She's just something that's happening.
333
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,057
So, what do you want to write about?
334
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:21,696
I want to write about spies.
335
00:23:21,902 --> 00:23:23,032
Spies?
336
00:23:23,195 --> 00:23:25,825
There you are, you see?
You think that's barmy. Spies, Russia.
337
00:23:25,906 --> 00:23:28,496
I can't always be writing about the North.
338
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:31,990
"I was born and brought up in Leeds,
where my father was a butcher.
339
00:23:32,079 --> 00:23:34,699
"And as a boy, I would often go out
on the bike with the orders."
340
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:39,252
It's not Proust. It's not even J.B. Priestley.
341
00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:49,975
The houses in the Crescent were built
as villas for the Victorian middle class.
342
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:54,525
And their basements are now being enlarged
by couples who are liberal in outlook,
343
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:57,601
but not easy with their newfound prosperity.
344
00:23:58,230 --> 00:24:00,230
Guilt, in a word.
345
00:24:01,942 --> 00:24:06,782
Which means that in varying degrees,
they tolerate Miss Shepherd.
346
00:24:07,114 --> 00:24:10,624
Their consciences absolved by her presence.
347
00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:24,629
Merry Christmas!
348
00:24:29,303 --> 00:24:30,763
Shut the door!
349
00:24:30,846 --> 00:24:34,186
Shut the door.
I'm a busy woman. I'm a busy woman.
350
00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:43,986
Créme brfllée.
351
00:24:52,117 --> 00:24:53,987
What was your first play about?
352
00:24:54,161 --> 00:24:59,161
Public school. Which, more accurately,
is what you Americans call private school.
353
00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:01,997
But you didn't go to public school.
354
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:04,839
No. But I read about it.
355
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:10,631
And what was your next play about?
356
00:25:10,844 --> 00:25:14,014
Sex. I read about that, too.
357
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:20,893
Very good.
358
00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:25,486
Stop it! Stop it! Just...
359
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,397
Get away from us! It's her!
360
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:29,745
Do you have a problem?
361
00:25:29,947 --> 00:25:32,907
- They were making the noise!
- They're children!
362
00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:34,951
I am a sick woman!
363
00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:36,165
You certainly are!
364
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:37,456
Get off the road!
365
00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:39,697
Go ahead! Road hog.
366
00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:48,590
Mr Bennett. I've worked out a way
of getting on the wireless.
367
00:25:48,674 --> 00:25:49,804
What?
368
00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:52,593
I want to do
one of those phone-in programmes.
369
00:25:52,678 --> 00:25:56,508
Something someone like you
could get put on in a jiffy.
370
00:25:56,723 --> 00:26:00,483
You see, I could be called
371
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:05,560
the "Lady Behind the Curtain,"
or "A Woman of Britain," you see.
372
00:26:05,899 --> 00:26:08,939
You could take a nom de plume view of it.
373
00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:13,237
And I see the curtain as being here.
374
00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:17,123
You see, some greeny material would do.
375
00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:19,370
I thought this was a phone-in.
376
00:26:19,997 --> 00:26:20,997
Yeah, well?
377
00:26:21,331 --> 00:26:25,251
Well, it's the radio.
There's no need for a curtain at all.
378
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:28,595
Yes, we can iron out these hiccups
when the time comes, you see.
379
00:26:28,672 --> 00:26:33,432
And when I come in,
I can catch up with some civilisation.
380
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,300
"Civilisation"? What,
you mean the television?
381
00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:38,137
Yeah, you know, wild life.
Famines, you know.
382
00:26:38,223 --> 00:26:40,893
Sheepdog trials, possibly.
I mean, I do watch.
383
00:26:40,976 --> 00:26:45,026
I watch in Currys' window, but it's not ideal.
384
00:26:50,902 --> 00:26:51,902
Yes.
385
00:27:01,246 --> 00:27:02,586
What guerre?
386
00:27:14,468 --> 00:27:17,678
I was studying incognito é Paris.
387
00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:20,316
But what were you studying?
388
00:27:23,643 --> 00:27:24,983
Music.
389
00:27:26,813 --> 00:27:28,273
The pianoforte, possibly.
390
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:33,190
Have you got an old pan scrub?
I'm thinking of painting the van.
391
00:27:33,278 --> 00:27:38,108
You know, one of those little mop things
they use to wash dishes with would do.
392
00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:40,745
- Well, how about a brush?
- I've got a brush.
393
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:43,328
It's just for the first coat.
394
00:27:44,331 --> 00:27:46,411
Okay, she's been a nun.
395
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:47,870
Only now, it turns out,
396
00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:52,549
she's been a musician besides
and seemingly with fluent French.
397
00:27:52,798 --> 00:27:54,588
She's certainly no painter,
398
00:27:54,674 --> 00:27:57,264
because today, rain notwithstanding,
399
00:27:57,344 --> 00:28:02,314
she moves slowly around her mobile home,
thoughtfully touching up the rust patches
400
00:28:02,391 --> 00:28:05,731
with crushed mimosa,
always a favourite shade.
401
00:28:06,311 --> 00:28:07,391
Morning.
402
00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:12,187
She's using the wrong paint.
Cars have special paint.
403
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,359
Not this one. It's Catholic paint.
404
00:28:15,821 --> 00:28:18,821
- And she smells.
- That's because she's poor.
405
00:28:19,032 --> 00:28:22,702
You'd smell if we were poor.
Morning, Ursula.
406
00:28:23,036 --> 00:28:25,376
- Hello, love.
- Hello, darling.
407
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:28,713
Telling me about paint.
408
00:28:29,042 --> 00:28:32,712
I was in infant school.
I won a prize for painting!
409
00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:34,841
- But it's all lumps. You have to mix it.
-lhave.
410
00:28:34,923 --> 00:28:39,013
I have mixed it.
Only I got some Madeira cake in it.
411
00:28:39,636 --> 00:28:41,146
Cake or no cake,
412
00:28:41,221 --> 00:28:44,511
all Miss Shepherd's vehicles ended up
looking as if they'd been given a coat
413
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:47,389
of badly made custard,
or plastered with scrambled eggs.
414
00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,314
Divine!
415
00:28:50,147 --> 00:28:54,227
Still, there were few occasions
on which one saw her genuinely happy,
416
00:28:54,443 --> 00:28:56,943
and one of these
was when she was putting paint on.
417
00:28:57,028 --> 00:29:00,318
Jackson Pollock himself
could not have done it better.
418
00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:03,657
Even with a pan scrub.
419
00:29:10,709 --> 00:29:13,539
What're you doing? Get off my van!
420
00:29:14,254 --> 00:29:16,424
- Yellow lines.
- Sorry?
421
00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:18,596
Parking restrictions.
422
00:29:19,593 --> 00:29:22,223
- What a bore.
- She'll be illegally parked.
423
00:29:22,304 --> 00:29:23,974
She'll have to move.
424
00:29:29,436 --> 00:29:31,146
Look. Look.
425
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:34,688
- It's a removal order.
- I know it's a removal order.
426
00:29:34,774 --> 00:29:36,734
Well, it means
you'll have to drive on somewhere else.
427
00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:38,530
But I'm disabled!
428
00:29:38,612 --> 00:29:42,452
I don't always use a walking stick.
That pulls the wool over people's eyes.
429
00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:45,581
But I am a bona fide resident of Camden!
430
00:29:45,952 --> 00:29:49,622
And I had rheumatic fever as a child,
and mumps.
431
00:29:49,789 --> 00:29:52,419
I still think you'll have to move on.
Go somewhere else.
432
00:29:52,501 --> 00:29:54,961
It won't move. There's not enough juice.
433
00:29:55,170 --> 00:29:58,210
- Well, I'll get you some up the road.
- I don't like their petrol!
434
00:29:58,298 --> 00:30:02,128
I don't know. It could be, it could go.
ltjust might need a bit of coaxing.
435
00:30:03,261 --> 00:30:04,261
What I'm...
436
00:30:05,013 --> 00:30:09,353
What I'm worried about, particularly,
are the wheels.
437
00:30:10,268 --> 00:30:12,598
They're under divine protection.
438
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:16,112
If I do get this other vehicle,
I'd like the wheels transferred.
439
00:30:16,358 --> 00:30:19,858
- What other vehicle?
- They may be miraculous, the tyres.
440
00:30:20,445 --> 00:30:23,245
They've only had to be pumped up once
since 1964.
441
00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:26,030
- What other vehicle?
- They only cost me a fiver.
442
00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:28,987
Miss Shepherd,
you said about another vehicle?
443
00:30:29,496 --> 00:30:30,836
Yeah, a van.
444
00:30:31,331 --> 00:30:32,711
Another van?
445
00:30:35,168 --> 00:30:37,168
Well, a newer model.
446
00:30:38,004 --> 00:30:43,014
A titled Catholic lady says
she may get me one, as an act of charity.
447
00:30:44,302 --> 00:30:45,642
It's Lady Wiggin.
448
00:30:46,346 --> 00:30:48,816
Only she'd prefer to remain anonymous.
449
00:30:48,932 --> 00:30:52,812
I'll bet she would.
So, why don't you park it outside her house?
450
00:30:53,186 --> 00:30:55,696
- It's out of the question.
- There's plenty of room.
451
00:30:55,981 --> 00:30:58,311
- I have neighbours!
- So have I.
452
00:30:58,650 --> 00:31:01,860
So, should I not buy her another van?
453
00:31:02,696 --> 00:31:04,746
- Please your bloody self.
- What?
454
00:31:05,198 --> 00:31:08,198
Mr Bennett, I've worked it out.
455
00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:11,039
Mr Bennett.
456
00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:17,966
The ideal solution
would be off-street parking.
457
00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:22,709
You know, a driveway, possibly.
458
00:31:24,259 --> 00:31:25,589
So, what are you going to do?
459
00:31:30,765 --> 00:31:32,775
Play it by ear.
460
00:31:51,202 --> 00:31:52,372
Lady?
461
00:31:53,747 --> 00:31:55,407
Are you there?
462
00:31:57,584 --> 00:31:59,754
Is this a bad moment?
463
00:32:01,087 --> 00:32:03,247
Have you got something for me?
464
00:32:05,383 --> 00:32:07,433
You bad bitch!
465
00:32:07,636 --> 00:32:09,306
You dirty, lying bitch!
466
00:32:11,431 --> 00:32:13,101
Can I help you?
467
00:32:14,934 --> 00:32:17,104
Good evening to you, sir!
468
00:32:17,604 --> 00:32:19,654
I'm finding myself in the vicinity.
469
00:32:19,731 --> 00:32:22,981
I'm taking the opportunity
to pay my compliments to Margaret.
470
00:32:23,610 --> 00:32:26,780
- Margaret?
- An old friend from way back.
471
00:32:27,072 --> 00:32:28,112
You mean Miss Shepherd?
472
00:32:28,448 --> 00:32:30,448
Shepherd, is it? Very good.
473
00:32:31,284 --> 00:32:34,084
- Well, she'll be asleep.
- Of course.
474
00:32:34,287 --> 00:32:39,367
I'll bid you a good night, sir.
I'll call again when my schedule permits.
475
00:33:01,648 --> 00:33:03,478
Thank you.
476
00:33:22,001 --> 00:33:24,171
Are you in there? Rise and shine!
477
00:33:24,462 --> 00:33:27,512
- Get out, you old witch!
- What a smelly bitch!
478
00:33:28,842 --> 00:33:31,132
Come on, darling! Come on!
479
00:33:38,143 --> 00:33:39,813
Excuse me. Excuse me, lads.
480
00:33:39,978 --> 00:33:43,148
- Who the heck are you?
- Never mind who I am. I've got your number!
481
00:33:43,481 --> 00:33:46,151
Just clear off!
I live here, and I've got your number!
482
00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:49,029
There's an old lady lives in there.
Just shove off!
483
00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:51,950
Miss Shepherd?
484
00:33:55,994 --> 00:33:57,124
Miss Shepherd?
485
00:34:00,373 --> 00:34:02,213
Miss Shepherd, are you all right?
486
00:34:03,710 --> 00:34:06,710
Yes, yes. I think so.
487
00:34:07,380 --> 00:34:11,380
What was it about?
It wasn't the police, was it?
488
00:34:11,468 --> 00:34:16,678
No. They were louts, but if you choose
to live like this, it's what you must expect.
489
00:34:18,558 --> 00:34:23,558
I didn't choose. I was chosen.
490
00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:28,360
Well, that settles it.
491
00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:29,860
You think?
492
00:34:30,361 --> 00:34:33,531
I can't always be looking out for her.
I'm not her keeper.
493
00:34:33,656 --> 00:34:35,826
I mean, what happens to work?
494
00:34:38,369 --> 00:34:40,909
- I think she should either go or...
- Or what?
495
00:34:44,417 --> 00:34:48,377
Or bring the van into the drive,
where we can forget about her.
496
00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:51,707
Actually, that's why some men marry.
497
00:34:51,966 --> 00:34:54,636
So they don't have to think any more
about their wives.
498
00:34:54,886 --> 00:34:57,226
- That's not bad.
- Yes, except it's Proust.
499
00:34:57,305 --> 00:34:58,305
Yes.
500
00:34:58,890 --> 00:35:01,890
And it'll only be for a few months,
until she decides where she's going.
501
00:35:03,978 --> 00:35:06,848
It'll be easier, but it's not kindness.
502
00:35:07,065 --> 00:35:08,485
No.
503
00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:11,906
"Good nature,
or what is often considered as such,
504
00:35:12,111 --> 00:35:14,571
"is the most selfish of all virtues.
505
00:35:14,656 --> 00:35:18,786
"It is nine times out of 10
mere indolence of disposition."
506
00:35:19,494 --> 00:35:20,704
That's not you.
507
00:35:20,787 --> 00:35:23,787
Hazlitt. And it's Will. Pure Will.
508
00:35:23,915 --> 00:35:26,755
She's known what she's wanted all along.
509
00:35:55,780 --> 00:36:01,120
The soul in question did confess
though in guarded terms
510
00:36:01,202 --> 00:36:03,702
in Rome in Holy Year,
511
00:36:03,788 --> 00:36:07,288
though I'm not sure
the priest understood English.
512
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,630
Do I look like a joy rider?
513
00:36:14,299 --> 00:36:16,219
My child,
514
00:36:16,301 --> 00:36:20,801
you have already been given absolution
for this particular sin.
515
00:36:21,973 --> 00:36:26,183
I have given you it myself
on several occasions.
516
00:36:26,811 --> 00:36:31,151
Have faith. Absolution is not like a bus pass.
517
00:36:31,357 --> 00:36:33,357
It does not run out.
518
00:36:46,831 --> 00:36:47,831
Christ.
519
00:36:47,916 --> 00:36:51,756
There's air freshener behind the Virgin.
520
00:36:58,509 --> 00:37:01,339
I thought we'd finally got rid of her.
521
00:37:02,180 --> 00:37:03,970
He's a saint.
522
00:37:04,057 --> 00:37:07,217
Ralph was the same.
Some people are just kind.
523
00:37:07,685 --> 00:37:11,775
- Kind?
- This is London, Ursula. Nobody's kind.
524
00:37:11,856 --> 00:37:13,276
Yeah, that's true.
525
00:37:13,399 --> 00:37:18,069
And now the old cow
has got a foot in the door. He's a fool.
526
00:37:19,113 --> 00:37:20,783
- Who else would do it?
- Yes.
527
00:37:21,032 --> 00:37:24,202
We might. It's just the girls.
528
00:37:24,535 --> 00:37:25,955
Pauhne.
529
00:37:26,037 --> 00:37:30,367
I'm just an unemployed actor, and I don't
know the lady, but can I ask something?
530
00:37:30,625 --> 00:37:32,965
- What makes her Alan's problem?
- Quite.
531
00:37:33,044 --> 00:37:36,214
Darling, she's a human being.
532
00:37:37,048 --> 00:37:38,798
Only just.
533
00:37:39,133 --> 00:37:40,803
Changing the subject.
534
00:37:41,135 --> 00:37:43,725
When are we going to find Alan a girl?
535
00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:48,985
Josephine's pregnant again.
536
00:37:49,060 --> 00:37:52,480
No! Actually, I'm just trying to think
who Josephine is.
537
00:37:52,563 --> 00:37:54,523
- The hamster.
- Jesus.
538
00:37:54,607 --> 00:37:55,977
Here we are.
539
00:37:56,067 --> 00:37:59,857
We were just saying how grateful she'll be.
540
00:37:59,946 --> 00:38:00,956
Yes.
541
00:38:04,033 --> 00:38:06,203
Put the van in your drive?
542
00:38:07,078 --> 00:38:09,538
That never occurred to me.
543
00:38:09,914 --> 00:38:13,504
I don't know. I don't know.
It might not be convenient.
544
00:38:13,584 --> 00:38:16,344
No, I've thought it over.
Believe me, Miss Shepherd, it's all right.
545
00:38:16,421 --> 00:38:18,421
Just till you sort yourself out.
546
00:38:19,090 --> 00:38:22,430
Well, not convenient for you!
Convenient for me.
547
00:38:23,344 --> 00:38:26,434
You're not doing me a favour, you know.
I have got other fish to fry.
548
00:38:26,848 --> 00:38:29,138
A man on the pavement told me
549
00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:33,895
if I went south of the river,
I'd be welcomed with open arms.
550
00:38:38,776 --> 00:38:42,286
I was about to do her a good turn,
but, as ever,
551
00:38:42,697 --> 00:38:45,777
it was not without thoughts of strangulation.
552
00:38:47,744 --> 00:38:50,414
She would come into the garden, yes,
553
00:38:50,955 --> 00:38:53,125
but only as a favour to me.
554
00:39:14,187 --> 00:39:15,187
That's it.
555
00:39:37,210 --> 00:39:38,500
Have you put on the handbrake?
556
00:39:38,753 --> 00:39:41,003
I am about to do so.
557
00:39:43,091 --> 00:39:46,511
Whereupon she applies the handbrake
with such determination
558
00:39:46,636 --> 00:39:50,476
that, like Excalibur,
it can never afterwards be released.
559
00:39:50,598 --> 00:39:51,758
Are you all right?
560
00:39:53,226 --> 00:39:55,276
Now she is on the premises,
561
00:39:55,478 --> 00:39:58,978
I sometimes get a glimpse
of Miss Shepherd praying,
562
00:39:59,190 --> 00:40:02,400
and it is seldom a tranquil
or a meditative process.
563
00:40:02,860 --> 00:40:04,940
I hunger and thirst for fulfillment...
564
00:40:05,029 --> 00:40:08,109
The fervour of her intercessions
rocking her to and fro.
565
00:40:08,658 --> 00:40:10,278
...in possible light received.
566
00:40:10,368 --> 00:40:13,368
What is it she's wanting forgiveness for?
567
00:40:15,206 --> 00:40:20,046
I used to pray myself when I was young,
but never like this.
568
00:40:21,712 --> 00:40:25,712
I'd never done anything,
but what has she done?
569
00:40:27,051 --> 00:40:28,681
Who's the old bat?
570
00:40:28,761 --> 00:40:30,761
She's a friend.
571
00:40:32,390 --> 00:40:33,640
A friend?
572
00:40:33,724 --> 00:40:36,064
Well, someone I know.
573
00:40:37,562 --> 00:40:38,732
Weird.
574
00:40:39,063 --> 00:40:40,483
Yeah, maybe.
575
00:40:42,066 --> 00:40:43,446
Actually, I think I better be off.
576
00:40:43,526 --> 00:40:46,366
You don't want to stay
for coffee or anything?
577
00:40:46,863 --> 00:40:47,903
No.
578
00:40:52,577 --> 00:40:53,737
Bye.
579
00:41:05,590 --> 00:41:06,590
Mr Bennett?
580
00:41:08,593 --> 00:41:09,593
That young man,
581
00:41:10,761 --> 00:41:11,891
did he have an earring?
582
00:41:12,263 --> 00:41:13,433
He did.
583
00:41:14,891 --> 00:41:16,891
You want to be careful.
584
00:41:20,438 --> 00:41:22,228
She'll be wanting to move in next.
585
00:41:23,149 --> 00:41:26,479
Said my mother,
who's been in London on a state visit.
586
00:41:26,777 --> 00:41:30,277
- Why didn't you tell me she was in the drive?
- I forgot.
587
00:41:30,823 --> 00:41:33,493
I got a whiff of her when I first came.
588
00:41:34,452 --> 00:41:37,372
Right nasty bad dishcloth smell.
589
00:41:38,664 --> 00:41:40,164
Well, she's in the garden.
590
00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:42,288
Next, it'll be the house.
591
00:41:42,793 --> 00:41:44,463
What Will folks think?
592
00:41:44,629 --> 00:41:47,299
This is London. Nobody thinks anything.
593
00:41:47,798 --> 00:41:51,798
It's with her being a nun, not having got off.
594
00:41:52,053 --> 00:41:53,433
They get thwarted.
595
00:41:57,808 --> 00:42:01,808
An educated woman, and living like that.
596
00:42:02,313 --> 00:42:04,903
Mind you, you're going down the same road.
597
00:42:04,982 --> 00:42:05,982
Me?
598
00:42:06,150 --> 00:42:10,820
No cloth on the table.
No holder for the toilet roll.
599
00:42:11,572 --> 00:42:14,822
Given time, I could have this place spotless.
600
00:42:15,284 --> 00:42:16,334
You've got a home.
601
00:42:19,497 --> 00:42:21,157
You won't want to live here.
602
00:42:25,836 --> 00:42:27,676
Where does she go to the lav?
603
00:42:27,922 --> 00:42:30,262
It has something to do with plastic bags.
604
00:42:30,508 --> 00:42:32,838
What sort of plastic bags?
605
00:42:33,177 --> 00:42:35,007
Stout ones, I hope.
606
00:42:35,346 --> 00:42:38,016
- You've not met her. Do you want to?
- No.
607
00:42:38,683 --> 00:42:44,103
No. With her being educated
I wouldn't know what to say.
608
00:42:52,697 --> 00:42:54,527
Give us a kiss!
609
00:42:55,366 --> 00:42:58,206
- When will you be coming up next?
- Soon.
610
00:42:58,536 --> 00:43:00,206
The thing is
611
00:43:01,706 --> 00:43:04,966
I keep seeing a car in the car park.
612
00:43:05,042 --> 00:43:06,792
That's slightly to be expected, isn't it?
613
00:43:06,877 --> 00:43:09,377
At night. Watching.
614
00:43:10,047 --> 00:43:11,877
You taking your tablets?
615
00:43:13,009 --> 00:43:14,679
When I remember.
616
00:43:18,889 --> 00:43:21,059
She should be in a home.
617
00:43:21,392 --> 00:43:24,062
- Where does she go to the lav?
- I told you.
618
00:43:24,312 --> 00:43:25,812
Looked after.
619
00:43:26,147 --> 00:43:29,647
A place where they'd wash her
and make her presentable.
620
00:43:29,984 --> 00:43:32,284
I'm surprised they let her roam the streets.
621
00:43:34,739 --> 00:43:37,069
It's like a fairy story, a parable...
622
00:43:37,158 --> 00:43:38,488
Good morning.
623
00:43:38,576 --> 00:43:42,336
...in which the guilty is gutted into devising
a sentence for someone innocent...
624
00:43:42,413 --> 00:43:43,373
Hello.
625
00:43:43,456 --> 00:43:45,876
...only to find it is their own doom
they have pronounced...
626
00:43:46,250 --> 00:43:47,420
King's Cross, please.
627
00:43:47,501 --> 00:43:50,001
...because my mother
is much closer to being put in a home...
628
00:43:50,087 --> 00:43:51,917
- Got your purse?
- Yes.
629
00:43:52,006 --> 00:43:53,766
...than Miss Shepherd.
630
00:43:55,092 --> 00:43:57,092
I do miss your dad.
631
00:43:57,595 --> 00:43:58,935
Give me a kiss.
632
00:44:01,932 --> 00:44:06,982
I asked our Gordon, when he was a pilot,
did he go behind the clouds?
633
00:44:07,229 --> 00:44:09,519
- Did he?
- I can't remember.
634
00:44:11,776 --> 00:44:14,696
He's a love, though. I know that.
635
00:44:15,780 --> 00:44:17,860
- Bye, Mam.
- Bye.
636
00:45:01,992 --> 00:45:05,332
Good afternoon.
Does Jesus Christ dwell in this house?
637
00:45:05,496 --> 00:45:07,836
No. Try the van.
638
00:45:41,157 --> 00:45:42,317
Thanks.
639
00:45:47,079 --> 00:45:48,539
Clear off!
640
00:45:54,545 --> 00:45:55,885
Mr Bennett?
641
00:45:57,506 --> 00:46:00,176
These men who come late at night,
642
00:46:01,635 --> 00:46:02,725
I know what they are.
643
00:46:03,304 --> 00:46:04,344
Jesus.
644
00:46:04,472 --> 00:46:08,472
They're communists.
Else why would they come at night?
645
00:46:10,227 --> 00:46:13,437
We constantly come back to the same point.
646
00:46:13,898 --> 00:46:16,568
Argentina was the invader. The Argentine...
647
00:46:16,734 --> 00:46:18,904
I like the new vehicle.
648
00:46:21,780 --> 00:46:23,780
Not a mark on it.
649
00:46:27,912 --> 00:46:29,452
Not a bloody scratch!
650
00:46:34,502 --> 00:46:36,422
What's your name now, Margaret?
651
00:46:36,545 --> 00:46:38,675
My name's Mary! Go away!
652
00:46:38,756 --> 00:46:41,596
Mary, is it now? Mary what?
653
00:46:43,052 --> 00:46:44,382
Mary what?
654
00:46:46,430 --> 00:46:48,850
- I'll call the police!
- Call the police?
655
00:46:49,767 --> 00:46:53,267
I don't think you will,
you two-faced pisshole.
656
00:46:53,604 --> 00:46:56,104
'Cause calling the police
is just what you didn't do.
657
00:46:56,232 --> 00:46:59,272
Apropos of which,
I think another contribution is due.
658
00:46:59,527 --> 00:47:02,107
Can I help you? What's all this din?
659
00:47:03,072 --> 00:47:04,532
No din, sir.
660
00:47:04,615 --> 00:47:08,375
Margaret and I were just taking a stroll
down memory lane.
661
00:47:08,577 --> 00:47:12,697
No. Don't "Margaret" me.
That name is buried to sin.
662
00:47:12,873 --> 00:47:14,213
You came before.
663
00:47:15,626 --> 00:47:18,096
Of course, this isn't the van, is it?
664
00:47:18,295 --> 00:47:19,635
She had another one.
665
00:47:20,381 --> 00:47:21,511
Kind of you.
666
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,880
A homeless woman.
667
00:47:25,469 --> 00:47:27,139
A thankless soul.
668
00:47:27,638 --> 00:47:29,678
And not over-salubrious.
669
00:47:29,974 --> 00:47:30,974
Good-bye, Margaret.
670
00:47:35,437 --> 00:47:37,187
I thought you said your name was Mary.
671
00:47:37,565 --> 00:47:39,775
- It is.
- So, why does he call you Margaret?
672
00:47:40,818 --> 00:47:44,608
He's taken too much to drink
on an empty stomach, possibly.
673
00:47:45,322 --> 00:47:47,782
It is your name? Mary Shepherd.
674
00:47:49,326 --> 00:47:53,256
Subject to the Roman Catholic Church
in her rights and to amendment.
675
00:47:58,919 --> 00:48:01,129
It's obviously not her name.
676
00:48:01,338 --> 00:48:05,418
But although years have passed
since she drove her van into the garden,
677
00:48:05,509 --> 00:48:08,139
I'm still too polite to ask who she is,
678
00:48:08,220 --> 00:48:12,720
let alone what this fellow wants
who materialises at regular intervals
679
00:48:12,808 --> 00:48:15,558
and comes braying on the side of the van.
680
00:48:16,812 --> 00:48:19,312
Music has something to do with it.
681
00:48:20,149 --> 00:48:23,649
But is it just the noise, or music itself?
682
00:48:36,123 --> 00:48:37,753
I can hear the music.
683
00:48:38,667 --> 00:48:40,327
I can hear it!
684
00:48:44,006 --> 00:48:46,016
Why must you play that?
685
00:48:46,383 --> 00:48:47,883
I can hear it!
686
00:48:48,802 --> 00:48:51,932
How can you dislike music?
You used to play the piano.
687
00:48:52,097 --> 00:48:53,427
How do you know that?
688
00:48:53,891 --> 00:48:55,431
You told me.
689
00:48:55,517 --> 00:48:59,437
I didn't say I didn't like it.
I don't want to hear it, that's all!
690
00:49:04,777 --> 00:49:06,607
Should she speak now?
691
00:49:07,237 --> 00:49:08,737
Should she explain?
692
00:49:09,573 --> 00:49:13,333
Well, she never lets on. Never explains.
693
00:49:14,244 --> 00:49:15,914
Well, maybe she should.
694
00:49:30,260 --> 00:49:31,760
Well, I...
695
00:49:33,430 --> 00:49:37,890
I was once left alone in a room
in the convent.
696
00:49:39,603 --> 00:49:42,603
They didn't leave novices alone normally.
697
00:49:44,274 --> 00:49:46,614
And there was a piano there.
698
00:49:48,779 --> 00:49:51,449
I tried it, and it was open.
699
00:49:55,661 --> 00:49:57,581
It needed tuning.
700
00:49:59,456 --> 00:50:01,466
Some of the notes were dead.
701
00:50:04,461 --> 00:50:09,131
But it sounded more beautiful to me
than any of the pianos I'd ever played.
702
00:50:28,485 --> 00:50:29,825
And then
703
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,360
suddenly, the mistress
of the novices came in.
704
00:50:35,743 --> 00:50:39,373
Crept in, possibly, 'cause I didn't hear her.
She said...
705
00:50:39,496 --> 00:50:41,166
It's God's will.
706
00:50:41,248 --> 00:50:44,998
That was what God wanted.
And that I'd been told before.
707
00:50:45,335 --> 00:50:46,845
And don't argue.
708
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,000
I said,
709
00:50:49,006 --> 00:50:53,766
couldn't I just play some hymns
for us to sing to?
710
00:50:53,844 --> 00:50:57,054
And she said that was arguing.
711
00:50:58,849 --> 00:51:02,019
And I'd never make a nun if I argued.
712
00:51:11,028 --> 00:51:13,358
So, with painful symmetry,
713
00:51:13,655 --> 00:51:16,535
my mother ends up in a home
in Weston-super-Mare
714
00:51:17,367 --> 00:51:21,867
while her derelict counterpart
resides in my garden.
715
00:51:22,873 --> 00:51:27,213
Putting my mother in a home,
I see as some sort of failure.
716
00:51:28,045 --> 00:51:32,805
And giving the other a home,
that's a failure, too.
717
00:51:39,389 --> 00:51:40,679
Jesus.
718
00:51:41,558 --> 00:51:44,228
She's got herself a three-wheeler.
719
00:51:47,356 --> 00:51:49,066
Where will you park it?
720
00:51:49,149 --> 00:51:50,569
In the residents' parking.
721
00:51:50,734 --> 00:51:53,824
- You haven't got a permit.
- Yeah, I have. Yes, I got one yesterday.
722
00:51:53,904 --> 00:51:55,244
Well, you never told me.
723
00:51:55,322 --> 00:51:57,202
Well, you'd only have raised objections
if I had.
724
00:51:57,282 --> 00:51:58,532
Have you insured it?
725
00:51:58,617 --> 00:52:01,697
I don't need insuring.
It's like the van, I'm insured in heaven.
726
00:52:01,787 --> 00:52:04,537
So, who pays if you have an accident,
the Pope?
727
00:52:04,623 --> 00:52:06,253
I shan't have an accident.
728
00:52:06,416 --> 00:52:07,626
Well, what if you run into something?
729
00:52:07,709 --> 00:52:10,039
I shan't run into anything.
I'm an experienced driver.
730
00:52:10,128 --> 00:52:11,998
I drove ambulances in the blackout.
731
00:52:12,089 --> 00:52:14,129
Well, what if someone runs into you?
732
00:52:14,633 --> 00:52:17,343
Miss Shepherd,
what if someone runs into you?
733
00:52:17,594 --> 00:52:19,514
You have no business saying that.
734
00:52:19,596 --> 00:52:21,936
Why do you say that?
No one is going to run into me!
735
00:52:23,308 --> 00:52:24,718
Where's the key?
736
00:52:24,935 --> 00:52:26,145
- What key?
- The car key. I put it down.
737
00:52:26,228 --> 00:52:27,308
Well, I haven't got it.
738
00:52:27,396 --> 00:52:28,656
- You had to have taken it.
- I have not.
739
00:52:28,730 --> 00:52:31,190
You're lying! You don't want me
to have the car, so you've taken the key.
740
00:52:31,275 --> 00:52:34,115
- Don't shout!
- I have to shout because of your ignorance.
741
00:52:34,236 --> 00:52:36,406
People coming and going
all hours of the day and night.
742
00:52:36,572 --> 00:52:39,032
I'd be better off in a ditch! Give me the key!
743
00:52:39,283 --> 00:52:40,913
I haven't got your sodding key!
744
00:52:40,993 --> 00:52:42,203
What's that around your neck?
745
00:52:42,452 --> 00:52:44,702
This is the key. The sodding key!
746
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:46,370
Having fun?
747
00:52:49,793 --> 00:52:51,003
Shouldn't you say sorry?
748
00:52:52,004 --> 00:52:53,674
I've no time for "sorry."
749
00:52:54,172 --> 00:52:55,842
"Sorry" is for God.
750
00:52:57,885 --> 00:53:00,145
This was the only time I ever touched her,
751
00:53:00,637 --> 00:53:05,557
and not because she was calling me a liar,
but because she seemed mad.
752
00:53:06,226 --> 00:53:07,896
It was my mother.
753
00:53:12,774 --> 00:53:15,984
It's always Mam you compare her with.
They are not the same.
754
00:53:16,612 --> 00:53:19,452
I don't like them
even sharing the same sentence.
755
00:53:21,992 --> 00:53:24,282
These days, it's almost as if we're married.
756
00:53:24,870 --> 00:53:27,040
"How's your old lady?" They say.
757
00:53:27,456 --> 00:53:30,796
Which is what people call a wife.
Your old lady.
758
00:53:31,501 --> 00:53:33,251
How's your old lady?
759
00:53:33,587 --> 00:53:36,167
Well, she's still there. I'm still here.
760
00:53:36,924 --> 00:53:39,014
Your mother died, didn't she?
761
00:53:39,092 --> 00:53:41,012
No, she's still here, too.
762
00:53:41,595 --> 00:53:43,265
She's in a home.
763
00:53:43,931 --> 00:53:47,771
Except she's not all there.
She's not anywhere.
764
00:53:48,101 --> 00:53:50,441
Shouldn't we make that plain in the play?
765
00:53:50,646 --> 00:53:54,526
No. It's classified information.
766
00:53:55,108 --> 00:53:57,858
Years ago,
Mam wanted Miss Shepherd put in a home.
767
00:53:58,946 --> 00:54:00,616
But she's still on the loose.
768
00:54:00,781 --> 00:54:03,741
Of course, whether she's all there or not
is anyone's guess.
769
00:54:03,825 --> 00:54:05,205
Mr Bennett!
770
00:54:06,286 --> 00:54:11,716
You know, I don't like
the three-wheeler standing in the street.
771
00:54:12,042 --> 00:54:15,882
You see, if you pushed the van
in front of your window,
772
00:54:15,963 --> 00:54:18,463
I could get the Reliant in there on the drive.
773
00:54:18,548 --> 00:54:19,588
There's tons of room.
774
00:54:19,716 --> 00:54:22,386
So, I have the van and the Reliant.
775
00:54:22,970 --> 00:54:26,140
Yeah, I've had guidance
that's where it should be.
776
00:54:26,473 --> 00:54:29,223
You know, in terms of vandals.
777
00:54:29,559 --> 00:54:31,139
Guidance from whom?
778
00:54:31,478 --> 00:54:33,978
I'm not at liberty to speak.
779
00:54:34,481 --> 00:54:37,321
I think I may contact my new social worker.
780
00:54:37,442 --> 00:54:39,692
What for? You always say
you don't want the social worker.
781
00:54:39,820 --> 00:54:42,150
I've had guidance she might help.
782
00:54:43,156 --> 00:54:44,826
I don't want a used car lot.
783
00:54:44,908 --> 00:54:46,568
'Mary Says.
- Mary who?
784
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:49,120
Mary.
785
00:54:49,746 --> 00:54:51,256
Your Lady in the Van.
786
00:54:52,249 --> 00:54:54,459
Didn't you know her name was Mary?
787
00:54:54,793 --> 00:54:57,423
Well, I suppose I did.
I always call her Miss Shepherd.
788
00:54:57,671 --> 00:54:59,341
We all have names.
789
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:02,470
Perhaps if you called her by her name
and she called you by yours,
790
00:55:03,260 --> 00:55:04,380
“Alan-ll “Mary-ll
791
00:55:04,469 --> 00:55:06,339
You never know, it might be easier
to talk things through.
792
00:55:06,430 --> 00:55:08,850
Through? There is no through.
793
00:55:08,932 --> 00:55:10,522
How do you talk things through
with someone
794
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,850
who has conversations with the Virgin Mary?
795
00:55:12,936 --> 00:55:15,736
You talk things through
with Isaiah Berlin, maybe,
796
00:55:15,814 --> 00:55:18,574
who, in comparison with Miss Shepherd,
is a man of few words.
797
00:55:18,650 --> 00:55:21,690
You do not talk things through with her
because you don't get through.
798
00:55:21,945 --> 00:55:25,495
Alan, I'm getting a bit of hostility here.
799
00:55:25,782 --> 00:55:28,412
I realise for you this may be
a steep learning curve.
800
00:55:28,618 --> 00:55:31,238
No. it is not a steep learning curve.
801
00:55:31,329 --> 00:55:33,709
I've never been on a so-called learning curve.
802
00:55:34,624 --> 00:55:37,334
I'm about as likely to be found
on a learning curve
803
00:55:37,502 --> 00:55:40,342
as I am on the ski slopes at Zermatt.
804
00:55:40,839 --> 00:55:44,839
And besides, her name isn't Mary.
805
00:55:47,387 --> 00:55:49,007
Some people seem to think it's Margaret.
806
00:55:49,848 --> 00:55:51,848
You know, it isn't even Shepherd.
807
00:55:53,143 --> 00:55:56,023
Well, I have her down as Mary.
808
00:55:56,104 --> 00:56:00,154
Yes, and you presumably have her down
as a rational human being.
809
00:56:41,525 --> 00:56:42,865
Hello!
810
00:56:43,068 --> 00:56:44,528
Mummy!
811
00:58:52,364 --> 00:58:54,204
Back in half an hour.
812
00:59:08,838 --> 00:59:09,878
Hello, Margaret.
813
00:59:25,063 --> 00:59:27,613
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
814
00:59:27,732 --> 00:59:31,232
Blessed art thou among women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
815
00:59:36,241 --> 00:59:38,241
What are you doing there? Come on!
816
00:59:38,994 --> 00:59:41,374
What's happened to Stirling Moss?
817
00:59:41,538 --> 00:59:42,998
Haven't seen her at the wheel recently.
818
00:59:43,081 --> 00:59:46,831
Taking a well-earned break, I imagine.
The Dordogne, possibly.
819
00:59:47,252 --> 00:59:49,292
- Really?
- Pauline.
820
00:59:50,422 --> 00:59:52,092
Her car's back.
821
00:59:52,924 --> 00:59:56,594
But I haven't seen her around for a bit.
I wonder if she's all right.
822
00:59:56,886 --> 00:59:57,846
Am I right in thinking
823
00:59:57,929 --> 00:59:59,759
that large and many-contoured stain
824
00:59:59,848 --> 01:00:02,138
at the back of her frock
denotes incontinence?
825
01:00:02,559 --> 01:00:04,059
I don't think it's a fashion statement.
826
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,190
Darling.
827
01:00:08,565 --> 01:00:12,785
What you must be hoping is that
one of these clays she'll just slip away.
828
01:00:12,861 --> 01:00:14,031
Don't you believe it.
829
01:00:14,112 --> 01:00:18,492
That's what happens in plays.
In life, going downhill is an uphill job.
830
01:00:20,243 --> 01:00:21,873
How's your mother?
831
01:00:21,953 --> 01:00:25,623
Same. Sits. Smiles. Sleeps.
832
01:00:31,212 --> 01:00:32,752
Are you all right?
833
01:00:34,090 --> 01:00:37,050
Me? Yes, why? I'm just going to the theatre.
834
01:00:37,135 --> 01:00:40,145
- Not upset about your play?
- No.
835
01:00:40,764 --> 01:00:43,014
I read a good review the other day.
836
01:00:43,099 --> 01:00:45,679
- I was told they were all good.
- They are, I'm sure.
837
01:00:45,769 --> 01:00:47,099
We enjoyed it.
838
01:00:47,187 --> 01:00:50,307
Though I hadn't realised it was just
going to be you and nobody else.
839
01:00:50,398 --> 01:00:52,398
Well, yes. It's a monologue.
840
01:00:52,484 --> 01:00:54,324
Yes, I suppose.
841
01:00:54,819 --> 01:00:57,319
I'm just amazed how you remember it all.
842
01:00:57,405 --> 01:01:00,535
The review I read
was particularly perceptive about you.
843
01:01:00,617 --> 01:01:02,487
Really? Saying what?
844
01:01:02,577 --> 01:01:04,367
That you couldn't make your mind up.
845
01:01:04,454 --> 01:01:06,834
- About what?
- Anything, really.
846
01:01:07,624 --> 01:01:09,794
It meant in a good way!
847
01:01:10,126 --> 01:01:11,466
Thanks.
848
01:01:13,546 --> 01:01:17,516
Actually, I couldn't make it out at all.
What was it about?
849
01:01:17,634 --> 01:01:20,434
Him, as usual. Not coming clean.
850
01:01:20,637 --> 01:01:23,427
- What about?
- What do you think?
851
01:01:26,643 --> 01:01:30,903
And when I came down again,
she's still sat there, hat and coat on.
852
01:01:31,523 --> 01:01:36,693
She said, "Graham,
my one aim in life is for you to be happy."
853
01:01:37,028 --> 01:01:38,398
IX cue 45.
854
01:01:38,488 --> 01:01:41,028
"If I thought that by dying
it would make you happy, I would."
855
01:01:41,116 --> 01:01:42,076
Go.
856
01:01:42,158 --> 01:01:43,568
I said, "Mam,
857
01:01:43,660 --> 01:01:47,040
"your dying wouldn't make me happy.
In fact, the reverse.
858
01:01:47,163 --> 01:01:51,253
"It would make me unhappy.
Anyway, Mam, you're not going to die."
859
01:01:51,501 --> 01:01:55,001
She said, "No, I'm not going to die.
860
01:01:55,380 --> 01:01:59,720
"I'm going to get married.
The honeymoon is in Tenerife.
861
01:02:00,218 --> 01:02:01,838
"Have one of your tablets."
862
01:02:13,064 --> 01:02:16,734
So, for the umpteenth time,
I biked back from the theatre
863
01:02:16,901 --> 01:02:19,611
where I'd been talking about my mother.
864
01:02:20,738 --> 01:02:23,238
Well, at least I know where my mother is.
865
01:02:28,580 --> 01:02:29,910
Miss Shepherd.
866
01:02:35,587 --> 01:02:36,837
Miss Shepherd?
867
01:02:43,052 --> 01:02:44,222
I don't like it.
868
01:02:45,096 --> 01:02:47,106
- So, look in.
- No.
869
01:02:47,432 --> 01:02:49,682
- Are you scared?
- No.
870
01:02:49,767 --> 01:02:50,847
Not of the body.
871
01:02:50,935 --> 01:02:54,905
Scared this may be the end of the story,
and now I'm going to have to write it.
872
01:02:56,608 --> 01:02:58,268
Still, now she's gone,
873
01:02:58,776 --> 01:03:00,446
I can make it up.
874
01:03:00,778 --> 01:03:03,738
Narrative freedom. Whoopee.
875
01:03:06,951 --> 01:03:08,281
Miss Shepherd.
876
01:03:11,289 --> 01:03:13,329
- Miss Shepherd?
- Go on.
877
01:03:20,757 --> 01:03:23,377
What are you doing? Looking at my things?
878
01:03:23,468 --> 01:03:25,678
I thought you might be ill or dead.
879
01:03:25,762 --> 01:03:27,892
- Dead? Me?
- I was concerned.
880
01:03:27,972 --> 01:03:29,222
You were nosy!
881
01:03:29,307 --> 01:03:30,387
I haven't seen you. I'm sorry.
882
01:03:30,475 --> 01:03:32,855
I'm not dead! You'll know when I'm dead.
883
01:03:32,936 --> 01:03:34,106
I'm sorry.
884
01:03:34,187 --> 01:03:37,687
Dead? Me?
I shan't die in a hurry, I can tell you.
885
01:03:38,149 --> 01:03:39,479
Dead?
886
01:03:40,485 --> 01:03:42,495
Don't make me laugh.
887
01:03:45,156 --> 01:03:48,326
She didn't die then, and nor did my mother.
888
01:03:49,118 --> 01:03:53,118
But as the years passed,
both of them were beginning to fade.
889
01:03:53,331 --> 01:03:56,371
As you can appreciate,
it's difficult to take a history.
890
01:03:56,459 --> 01:03:58,749
But I'm right in thinking
she hasn't been a smoker?
891
01:03:58,836 --> 01:04:02,176
- No.
- Not been a smoker, doesn't drink.
892
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:05,167
All things considered, a very healthy woman.
893
01:04:06,344 --> 01:04:07,344
You think?
894
01:04:17,355 --> 01:04:19,695
This is a woman who's broken her hip.
895
01:04:20,483 --> 01:04:23,733
And of course, in someone younger
and in better circumstances,
896
01:04:23,820 --> 01:04:25,860
we'd give them antibiotics.
897
01:04:26,531 --> 01:04:30,161
But at your mother's age,
and in her state of mind,
898
01:04:30,868 --> 01:04:33,698
one wonders if this is altogether kind.
899
01:04:35,206 --> 01:04:38,006
And if you don't give her antibiotics,
what will happen?
900
01:04:38,334 --> 01:04:40,004
She may recover.
901
01:04:40,670 --> 01:04:42,000
Or not.
902
01:04:42,380 --> 01:04:44,710
She could just sleep away.
903
01:04:46,718 --> 01:04:48,548
You mustn't reproach yourself.
904
01:04:49,846 --> 01:04:51,186
You've done
905
01:04:52,390 --> 01:04:54,850
more than can be expected.
906
01:05:01,357 --> 01:05:02,357
Thank you.
907
01:05:05,403 --> 01:05:06,743
Mr Bennett.
908
01:05:07,572 --> 01:05:09,612
- Where have you been?
- Seeing my mother.
909
01:05:09,699 --> 01:05:11,029
How is she?
910
01:05:12,243 --> 01:05:14,373
The same. She doesn't remember me now.
911
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:17,505
Well, I'm not surprised.
She doesn't see you very often.
912
01:05:18,583 --> 01:05:20,583
Will you write about me?
913
01:05:21,586 --> 01:05:22,756
I don't know.
914
01:05:23,588 --> 01:05:24,798
She never said this.
915
01:05:25,089 --> 01:05:26,089
So?
916
01:05:27,175 --> 01:05:30,015
I've heard you. On the wireless.
917
01:05:30,261 --> 01:05:31,641
Does she know that?
918
01:05:32,263 --> 01:05:34,353
Well, how can she?
She doesn't know who she is.
919
01:05:34,766 --> 01:05:38,936
Yeah, that's what you think.
Using your mother.
920
01:05:39,771 --> 01:05:41,731
You should be ashamed of yourself.
921
01:05:42,106 --> 01:05:43,406
She didn't say this.
922
01:05:43,941 --> 01:05:46,901
No. But why shouldn't she?
923
01:05:47,737 --> 01:05:51,407
You write about her all the time,
one way or another.
924
01:05:51,532 --> 01:05:53,162
You use your mother.
925
01:05:53,451 --> 01:05:55,411
That's what writers do.
926
01:05:55,787 --> 01:05:58,747
Me next, I suppose.
927
01:05:59,123 --> 01:06:03,133
Anyway, now you're here,
I need some shopping done.
928
01:06:03,961 --> 01:06:06,211
You ought to go yourself.
You should try and walk more.
929
01:06:06,297 --> 01:06:07,757
- I do walk.
- I never see you.
930
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:10,340
Well, that's 'cause you're not around
in the middle of the night.
931
01:06:10,968 --> 01:06:12,298
I want some batteries.
932
01:06:12,929 --> 01:06:14,219
And some sherbet lemons.
933
01:06:15,098 --> 01:06:16,808
- Mr Bennett?
- Yes?
934
01:06:18,476 --> 01:06:21,486
Would you like to push me up the street?
935
01:06:23,648 --> 01:06:25,268
Not particularly, no.
936
01:06:43,668 --> 01:06:46,128
This'll do. Turn me 'round. Turn me 'round!
937
01:06:46,212 --> 01:06:47,212
All right.
938
01:06:59,517 --> 01:07:00,847
Careful!
939
01:07:17,869 --> 01:07:19,369
Are you all right?
940
01:07:20,037 --> 01:07:23,367
Yes, I think so.
941
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:25,750
Would you like me to make you
a cup of coffee?
942
01:07:25,835 --> 01:07:26,795
No.
943
01:07:26,878 --> 01:07:30,668
No, I don't want you to go to all that trouble.
I'll just have half a cup.
944
01:07:39,056 --> 01:07:40,856
I have to go to mass.
945
01:07:41,017 --> 01:07:43,057
- Well, you're not fit.
- Here.
946
01:07:43,227 --> 01:07:46,057
It's an anniversary and a day of obligation.
947
01:07:46,647 --> 01:07:48,647
Who for? A saint?
948
01:07:48,733 --> 01:07:50,733
No. A young man.
949
01:07:51,319 --> 01:07:52,359
Someone you loved?
950
01:07:52,445 --> 01:07:54,785
No! Certainly not. Just someone I...
951
01:07:55,907 --> 01:07:57,737
Someone who died.
952
01:07:58,242 --> 01:08:01,242
He'd be in his 50s now.
953
01:08:01,579 --> 01:08:02,789
Was he a Catholic?
954
01:08:02,872 --> 01:08:06,712
Possibly, possibly. Only he's in purgatory.
He needs my prayers.
955
01:08:06,918 --> 01:08:08,538
What was his name?
956
01:08:08,753 --> 01:08:11,093
No, I never bother with names.
957
01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:14,760
The body of Christ.
958
01:08:20,890 --> 01:08:22,140
The body of Christ.
959
01:08:25,937 --> 01:08:27,897
- Yes?
- I live down the street.
960
01:08:28,898 --> 01:08:30,228
I've seen you.
961
01:08:34,445 --> 01:08:35,905
It's you that has the van.
962
01:08:36,239 --> 01:08:37,399
Yes.
963
01:08:38,241 --> 01:08:39,491
Difficult woman.
964
01:08:40,117 --> 01:08:41,447
A Catholic.
965
01:08:42,453 --> 01:08:44,623
One of the sisters remembers her.
966
01:08:45,623 --> 01:08:50,793
I've been told she was very argumentative.
Is that why she was made to leave?
967
01:08:51,462 --> 01:08:53,132
Disputatious, she was.
968
01:08:53,589 --> 01:08:56,759
I've had her pointed out to me
on that account, hankering after the piano.
969
01:08:56,884 --> 01:08:58,304
She always thought she was right.
970
01:08:58,386 --> 01:09:01,186
She wasn't right. God is right. End of story.
971
01:09:02,265 --> 01:09:03,935
Anyway, what do you want to know for?
972
01:09:04,016 --> 01:09:06,776
- She's ill.
- Who? The woman?
973
01:09:06,936 --> 01:09:10,356
I wondered if there was a nun available
who could talk to her, do her some shopping.
974
01:09:10,982 --> 01:09:13,322
We don't have shopping nuns.
975
01:09:13,651 --> 01:09:15,481
It's a strict order.
976
01:09:15,820 --> 01:09:17,030
I've seen them shopping.
977
01:09:17,113 --> 01:09:19,783
I saw one yesterday at Marks & Spencer.
She was buying meringues.
978
01:09:20,825 --> 01:09:22,455
The Bishop may have been coming.
979
01:09:22,994 --> 01:09:24,374
Well, does he like meringues?
980
01:09:25,162 --> 01:09:29,372
Who are you, coming 'round,
asking if the Bishop likes meringues?
981
01:09:29,458 --> 01:09:30,668
Are you a communist?
982
01:09:31,002 --> 01:09:34,092
She's ill. She's a Catholic,
and I think she might be dying.
983
01:09:34,839 --> 01:09:37,419
Well, they can pray for her,
only you'll have to fill in a form.
984
01:09:38,342 --> 01:09:40,802
She'll probably pull her socks up
once your back is turned.
985
01:09:40,887 --> 01:09:44,387
That's been my experience
where invalids are concerned.
986
01:09:45,683 --> 01:09:47,183
This way out!
987
01:09:48,019 --> 01:09:50,849
I don't want you bumping into the sisters.
988
01:10:12,585 --> 01:10:14,965
Another parcel on the path.
989
01:10:16,422 --> 01:10:21,432
If... When I write about all this,
people will say there's too much about shit.
990
01:10:23,846 --> 01:10:28,106
But there was a lot about shit.
Shit was in the forefront.
991
01:10:28,434 --> 01:10:30,774
Caring, which is not a word I like,
992
01:10:30,853 --> 01:10:33,273
caring is about shit.
993
01:10:50,081 --> 01:10:52,041
- I've talked to Mary.
- Or Margaret.
994
01:10:52,124 --> 01:10:53,504
Or Margaret.
995
01:10:53,709 --> 01:10:55,419
Miss Shepherd, anyway.
996
01:10:55,503 --> 01:10:59,463
She tells me you don't encourage her to get
out and lead a more purposeful life,
997
01:10:59,548 --> 01:11:01,088
and put obstacles in her way.
998
01:11:01,300 --> 01:11:03,470
I don't encourage her to think
she can become prime minister.
999
01:11:03,552 --> 01:11:06,102
I do encourage her
to try and get to the supermarket.
1000
01:11:06,555 --> 01:11:09,895
Yes. A carer will often feel that...
1001
01:11:09,976 --> 01:11:14,066
Excuse me, may I stop you?
Do not call me the carer. I am not the carer.
1002
01:11:14,480 --> 01:11:17,360
I hate caring. I hate the thought.
I hate the word.
1003
01:11:17,692 --> 01:11:22,902
I do not care, and I do not care for.
I am here, she is there. There is no caring.
1004
01:11:23,322 --> 01:11:27,242
Alan, I'm sensing hostility again.
1005
01:11:28,494 --> 01:11:32,164
You see, I'm wondering
whether having cared for Mary,
1006
01:11:32,248 --> 01:11:34,708
as it were, singlehanded for all these years,
1007
01:11:35,501 --> 01:11:39,001
you don't understandably resent it
when the professionals lend a hand.
1008
01:11:39,338 --> 01:11:40,498
No, though I resent it
1009
01:11:40,589 --> 01:11:42,879
when the professionals
turn up every three months or so
1010
01:11:43,092 --> 01:11:45,302
and try to tell me what this woman,
1011
01:11:45,386 --> 01:11:49,566
whom I have coped with on a daily basis
for the past 15 years, is like.
1012
01:11:50,016 --> 01:11:51,896
What is she like?
1013
01:11:52,351 --> 01:11:57,441
Mary, as you call her, is a bigoted,
blinkered, cantankerous, devious,
1014
01:11:57,648 --> 01:12:01,478
unforgiving, self-serving,
rank, rude, car-mad cow.
1015
01:12:01,694 --> 01:12:04,404
Which is to say nothing of her flying faeces
1016
01:12:04,488 --> 01:12:06,948
and her ability to extrude
from her withered buttocks
1017
01:12:07,033 --> 01:12:10,373
turds of such force that they land
a yard from the back of the van
1018
01:12:10,453 --> 01:12:12,873
and their presumed point of exit.
1019
01:12:14,123 --> 01:12:16,503
Though, of course,
you didn't say any of that.
1020
01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:22,840
People will think it's because you're too nice.
1021
01:12:23,799 --> 01:12:25,879
It's actually because you're too timid.
1022
01:12:25,968 --> 01:12:28,968
Yes. Though, this being England,
timid is good, too.
1023
01:12:31,432 --> 01:12:34,272
Well, this has been very helpful.
1024
01:12:34,894 --> 01:12:37,394
I'll see about getting her a doctor.
1025
01:12:38,731 --> 01:12:40,901
Is it a man doctor?
1026
01:12:41,150 --> 01:12:42,320
Yes.
1027
01:12:46,072 --> 01:12:50,452
I don't want a man doctor.
Don't they have a woman?
1028
01:12:50,534 --> 01:12:53,834
Sorry. Miss Shepherd,
I only want to take your pulse.
1029
01:12:55,748 --> 01:12:58,418
- Which hand? Do you have a preference?
- No.
1030
01:13:04,423 --> 01:13:06,763
It's normally cleaner than that.
1031
01:13:08,928 --> 01:13:11,598
Miss Shepherd, I'd like to take you
to hospital for a day or so,
1032
01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:13,180
just to run some tests.
1033
01:13:13,265 --> 01:13:16,605
No, I've always had great faith in onions.
1034
01:13:16,852 --> 01:13:18,022
Yes.
1035
01:13:18,437 --> 01:13:22,267
But onions can only take you so far,
medically speaking.
1036
01:13:27,363 --> 01:13:28,953
She won't go to hospital.
1037
01:13:29,031 --> 01:13:31,371
- How do you know?
- Ask her.
1038
01:13:31,951 --> 01:13:34,741
Would she go to the day centre?
She could be looked at there.
1039
01:13:35,121 --> 01:13:36,951
And she could stay for a few days.
1040
01:13:37,206 --> 01:13:39,216
She won't go to the day centre.
1041
01:13:39,458 --> 01:13:40,828
Are you sure?
1042
01:13:41,043 --> 01:13:42,383
Have you asked her?
1043
01:13:42,920 --> 01:13:46,590
She will not go to the day centre. I know.
1044
01:13:46,799 --> 01:13:48,379
Of course I'll go.
1045
01:13:50,219 --> 01:13:51,969
They won't make me stay in?
1046
01:13:52,138 --> 01:13:54,598
No, they're going to give you a bath
and put you in some clean clothes
1047
01:13:54,682 --> 01:13:55,812
and do some tests.
1048
01:13:56,142 --> 01:13:57,562
Will they leave me to it?
1049
01:13:57,810 --> 01:13:59,640
- Where?
- In the bath.
1050
01:13:59,979 --> 01:14:04,309
I know how to bath myself.
I've won awards for that.
1051
01:14:04,650 --> 01:14:05,820
Yes, I remember.
1052
01:14:05,901 --> 01:14:07,231
- Mr Bennett.
- Yes?
1053
01:14:07,486 --> 01:14:11,036
It won't look
as if I'm being taken away, will it?
1054
01:14:11,157 --> 01:14:12,817
Taken away where?
1055
01:14:13,075 --> 01:14:17,495
Where they take people
because they're not right.
1056
01:14:17,580 --> 01:14:18,910
Do they do that still?
1057
01:14:19,081 --> 01:14:21,171
Well, sometimes,
but you need a lot of signatures.
1058
01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:24,000
But they pretend things
to get you there sometimes.
1059
01:14:24,336 --> 01:14:28,346
That's the danger with next of kin.
It's one of their tricks.
1060
01:14:29,425 --> 01:14:31,595
They might be pretending it's a day centre.
1061
01:14:32,011 --> 01:14:33,931
- No.
- Well, I...
1062
01:14:34,096 --> 01:14:36,566
I've been had like that once before.
1063
01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:37,640
Alan.
1064
01:14:42,104 --> 01:14:43,694
Miss Shepherd.
1065
01:14:43,772 --> 01:14:48,232
Now, I'm a bit behindhand with things,
so there may be a bit of a...
1066
01:14:49,111 --> 01:14:50,941
Put your arm around my neck.
1067
01:14:52,656 --> 01:14:53,996
There we go.
1068
01:14:54,700 --> 01:14:57,530
I've not gone in for this kind of thing much.
1069
01:14:58,162 --> 01:15:00,832
I note how, with none of my own distaste,
1070
01:15:00,956 --> 01:15:04,296
the ambulance driver does not hesitate
to touch Miss Shepherd,
1071
01:15:04,376 --> 01:15:08,386
and even puts his arm around her
as he lowers her into the chair.
1072
01:15:11,467 --> 01:15:15,717
I note, too, his careful rearrangement
of her greasy clothing,
1073
01:15:16,222 --> 01:15:20,892
pulling the skirt down over her knees
in the interest of modesty.
1074
01:15:24,563 --> 01:15:26,563
I'm coming back, you know.
1075
01:15:26,899 --> 01:15:29,069
This isn't a toe in the water job.
1076
01:15:29,318 --> 01:15:31,648
Is there anything you'd like us to take
and have us wash?
1077
01:15:31,904 --> 01:15:35,074
Well, why? Most of my things are clean.
1078
01:15:35,824 --> 01:15:37,494
Not ill, your friend?
1079
01:15:37,576 --> 01:15:39,836
- No.
- Not going?
1080
01:15:39,995 --> 01:15:42,665
Only to the day centre, apparently.
1081
01:15:43,582 --> 01:15:45,752
The children always ask after her.
1082
01:15:46,502 --> 01:15:49,092
They used to be so frightened of her
when they were young.
1083
01:15:49,255 --> 01:15:52,715
One's in Washington now. The World Bank.
1084
01:15:53,968 --> 01:15:56,588
How long has it been? Ten years?
1085
01:15:57,263 --> 01:15:59,103
- More like 15.
- A lifetime.
1086
01:15:59,598 --> 01:16:01,388
Mr Bennett. Mr Bennett.
1087
01:16:05,020 --> 01:16:07,690
That social worker wanted to know
my next of kin.
1088
01:16:07,773 --> 01:16:12,653
I don't want my next of kin broadcast,
so I said I didn't have any.
1089
01:16:13,112 --> 01:16:14,782
Only, they're in this envelope.
1090
01:16:15,114 --> 01:16:18,164
And you keep it under your hat.
1091
01:16:19,118 --> 01:16:22,618
Do you know
I was an ambulance driver myself once?
1092
01:16:23,205 --> 01:16:24,875
During the war.
1093
01:16:25,207 --> 01:16:27,957
I knew Kensington in the blackout.
1094
01:16:28,127 --> 01:16:29,497
Really?
1095
01:16:34,133 --> 01:16:36,383
The chair goes up on a lift.
1096
01:16:36,802 --> 01:16:38,892
And in this small ascension,
1097
01:16:38,971 --> 01:16:42,641
when she slowly rises
above the level of the garden wall,
1098
01:16:42,725 --> 01:16:45,065
there is a vagabond nobility about her.
1099
01:16:46,312 --> 01:16:49,312
A derelict Nobel Prize winner, she looks,
1100
01:16:49,648 --> 01:16:54,028
her grimy face set
in a kind of resigned satisfaction.
1101
01:16:54,862 --> 01:16:58,362
Could we do that again? I'd like another go.
1102
01:16:58,615 --> 01:17:00,245
When you come back.
1103
01:17:27,519 --> 01:17:28,849
Here we go.
1104
01:17:40,783 --> 01:17:42,033
You smell lovely.
1105
01:17:42,868 --> 01:17:44,528
- You okay?
- Yes.
1106
01:17:44,620 --> 01:17:45,620
Good.
1107
01:17:50,709 --> 01:17:53,039
There. Your M.O.T.
1108
01:18:03,889 --> 01:18:05,309
There you go.
1109
01:18:08,977 --> 01:18:10,847
Hello, Margaret.
1110
01:18:32,584 --> 01:18:36,254
Fourteen years? You must be a saint.
1111
01:18:37,089 --> 01:18:41,589
She's a difficult woman, my sister.
Edith won't have her in the house.
1112
01:18:41,927 --> 01:18:44,427
I used to help her out when I could.
1113
01:18:44,930 --> 01:18:46,930
It's what Mother would have wanted.
1114
01:18:47,266 --> 01:18:49,436
I'm not a saint, just lazy.
1115
01:18:49,685 --> 01:18:52,025
- I know she was an ambulance driver.
- Yes.
1116
01:18:52,438 --> 01:18:56,188
And she was a nun. Twice over.
Till they got rid of her.
1117
01:18:58,026 --> 01:18:59,736
Tipped her over the edge.
1118
01:19:01,113 --> 01:19:03,953
She spent some time in an asylum.
1119
01:19:04,950 --> 01:19:06,240
Banstead.
1120
01:19:08,370 --> 01:19:09,700
Which was my fault.
1121
01:19:10,122 --> 01:19:11,292
No.
1122
01:19:11,373 --> 01:19:13,003
Mind you, she's a difficult woman.
1123
01:19:13,625 --> 01:19:14,835
Such a bully.
1124
01:19:15,627 --> 01:19:18,037
Did she bully you? She bullies me.
1125
01:19:18,130 --> 01:19:19,960
Well, I had her put away.
1126
01:19:20,799 --> 01:19:22,469
Incarcerated.
1127
01:19:23,635 --> 01:19:25,975
Sectioned, is what you'd call it today.
1128
01:19:26,472 --> 01:19:27,972
Mind you, she got away from them, too.
1129
01:19:28,724 --> 01:19:30,814
Gave them the slip, ended up in the van.
1130
01:19:32,644 --> 01:19:35,654
Does she still play? Piano?
1131
01:19:36,231 --> 01:19:37,481
No.
1132
01:19:40,652 --> 01:19:42,242
That is sad.
1133
01:19:44,072 --> 01:19:45,612
Have you heard of Cortot?
1134
01:19:45,741 --> 01:19:49,161
Alfred Cortot, the virtuoso pianist?
1135
01:19:51,413 --> 01:19:52,503
Yes.
1136
01:19:52,581 --> 01:19:55,541
Margaret was his pupil.
1137
01:19:56,376 --> 01:19:59,216
Yeah, she had to go over to Paris for lessons.
1138
01:19:59,546 --> 01:20:01,426
It wasn't easy in those days.
1139
01:20:01,673 --> 01:20:06,343
And practise. My word,
she used to practise all day long.
1140
01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:09,435
Well, the nuns put a stop to that.
1141
01:20:10,516 --> 01:20:12,526
Test of obedience.
1142
01:20:13,435 --> 01:20:19,365
I was a vet in Africa, and when I came back,
the music was out. Finished.
1143
01:20:22,861 --> 01:20:25,451
Practising had become praying.
1144
01:20:37,793 --> 01:20:39,793
Played at the Proms once.
1145
01:25:12,317 --> 01:25:13,647
Miss Shepherd?
1146
01:25:22,327 --> 01:25:23,737
Miss Shepherd?
1147
01:25:31,920 --> 01:25:33,920
I just tried to visit you.
1148
01:25:37,342 --> 01:25:39,342
I wasn't stopping there.
1149
01:25:39,678 --> 01:25:44,508
A woman said my face rang a bell.
Was I ever in Banstead?
1150
01:25:45,016 --> 01:25:47,186
And she would not stop.
1151
01:25:47,519 --> 01:25:49,769
They gave me some mince and she said,
1152
01:25:50,021 --> 01:25:53,311
"You'll find the mince here
a step up from the mince in Banstead."
1153
01:25:53,400 --> 01:25:54,980
I don't know about the...
1154
01:25:55,443 --> 01:25:59,113
The mince in Banstead,
or anywhere else, for that matter.
1155
01:25:59,197 --> 01:26:01,777
That's just where they put people
when they're not right.
1156
01:26:02,617 --> 01:26:04,617
Well, you look nice and clean.
1157
01:26:05,120 --> 01:26:07,620
Yeah, well, that'll be the bath.
1158
01:26:08,081 --> 01:26:09,871
They let me do it myself.
1159
01:26:09,958 --> 01:26:13,998
The nurse came and gave me
some finishing touches.
1160
01:26:14,754 --> 01:26:16,964
She said I'd come up a treat.
1161
01:26:19,718 --> 01:26:21,178
I bought you these.
1162
01:26:21,678 --> 01:26:22,968
Flowers?
1163
01:26:23,972 --> 01:26:26,312
What do I want with flowers?
1164
01:26:27,017 --> 01:26:28,807
They... They only die.
1165
01:26:30,312 --> 01:26:33,482
I've got enough on my plate without flowers.
1166
01:26:34,149 --> 01:26:36,269
Why, you won't often
have been given flowers.
1167
01:26:38,862 --> 01:26:40,282
Who says?
1168
01:26:43,491 --> 01:26:46,911
I've had bigger flowers than these.
1169
01:26:47,913 --> 01:26:49,833
And with ribbons on.
1170
01:26:51,166 --> 01:26:52,676
These don't compare.
1171
01:26:56,671 --> 01:26:58,091
Music.
1172
01:27:04,137 --> 01:27:07,967
How are people supposed to avoid it?
1173
01:27:09,976 --> 01:27:13,696
You see, I had it at my fingertips.
1174
01:27:15,106 --> 01:27:17,616
I had it in my bones.
1175
01:27:20,820 --> 01:27:22,860
I could play in the dark.
1176
01:27:24,699 --> 01:27:26,659
Had to sometimes.
1177
01:27:27,702 --> 01:27:29,702
And the keys were
1178
01:27:31,373 --> 01:27:33,003
like rooms.
1179
01:27:35,251 --> 01:27:38,631
C major and D minor.
1180
01:27:39,839 --> 01:27:43,379
Dark rooms and light rooms.
1181
01:27:45,804 --> 01:27:48,144
Just like a mansion
1182
01:27:49,599 --> 01:27:51,309
to me, music.
1183
01:27:54,145 --> 01:27:56,525
Only it worried me,
1184
01:27:56,898 --> 01:28:01,398
that playing came easier than praying.
1185
01:28:01,695 --> 01:28:02,995
And I...
1186
01:28:03,613 --> 01:28:07,073
I said this, which may have been an error.
1187
01:28:09,703 --> 01:28:11,373
Said it to whom?
1188
01:28:15,000 --> 01:28:16,620
My confessor.
1189
01:28:18,169 --> 01:28:19,499
He said
1190
01:28:20,296 --> 01:28:23,926
that was another vent
the devil could creep through.
1191
01:28:26,761 --> 01:28:29,301
So, he outlawed the piano.
1192
01:28:29,639 --> 01:28:31,809
Put paid to music generally.
1193
01:28:32,475 --> 01:28:37,235
Said dividends would accrue in terms of
1194
01:28:38,940 --> 01:28:41,020
growth of the spirit.
1195
01:28:43,111 --> 01:28:45,451
Which they did.
1196
01:28:47,574 --> 01:28:48,914
They did.
1197
01:28:59,544 --> 01:29:00,964
How's your mother?
1198
01:29:03,089 --> 01:29:04,589
The same.
1199
01:29:04,924 --> 01:29:06,724
Still in the coma?
1200
01:29:06,801 --> 01:29:07,801
No.
1201
01:29:08,887 --> 01:29:11,717
She's just getting a bit of shut-eye.
1202
01:29:11,806 --> 01:29:13,226
People do.
1203
01:29:15,685 --> 01:29:17,105
Well, good night.
1204
01:29:17,187 --> 01:29:18,227
Mr Bennett?
1205
01:29:23,109 --> 01:29:24,899
Hold my hand.
1206
01:29:26,780 --> 01:29:28,650
It's clean.
1207
01:30:01,022 --> 01:30:06,692
So much of what this woman's life had been,
I found out only after her death.
1208
01:30:07,487 --> 01:30:11,157
So, to tell her story,
I have occasionally had to invent,
1209
01:30:11,366 --> 01:30:14,246
though much of it one could not make up.
1210
01:30:14,744 --> 01:30:19,414
And I do not make it up when I say
that it was on the morning after this talk,
1211
01:30:19,707 --> 01:30:22,537
when she lay in the van with her hair washed,
1212
01:30:22,919 --> 01:30:26,749
that on that same morning
comes the social worker into the garden,
1213
01:30:26,840 --> 01:30:32,430
bearing clean clothes, linen and ointment
and knocks on the door of the van.
1214
01:31:08,006 --> 01:31:10,176
It is a van no longer.
1215
01:31:10,550 --> 01:31:12,340
It is a sepulchre.
1216
01:31:15,221 --> 01:31:17,051
Can I use your phone?
1217
01:31:17,515 --> 01:31:19,355
Yes. Yes, of course.
1218
01:31:29,235 --> 01:31:33,365
Even now,
I do not venture into this evil-smelling tomb.
1219
01:31:34,115 --> 01:31:39,165
But I feel cheated that the discovery
of the body has not actually been mine
1220
01:31:39,454 --> 01:31:42,714
and that having observed so much
for so long,
1221
01:31:43,166 --> 01:31:45,636
I am not the first to witness her death.
1222
01:31:47,003 --> 01:31:48,963
Now, in quick succession,
1223
01:31:49,172 --> 01:31:53,472
come the doctor,
the priest and men from the undertaker's
1224
01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:58,140
all of whom do what no one else has done
for 20 years.
1225
01:31:59,098 --> 01:32:01,888
Namely, without pause
1226
01:32:01,976 --> 01:32:06,816
and seemingly without distaste,
step inside the van.
1227
01:32:09,025 --> 01:32:12,195
Lord grant her everlasting rest
1228
01:32:12,528 --> 01:32:15,908
and let perpetual light shine upon her.
1229
01:32:16,658 --> 01:32:19,988
Present her to God the Most High.
1230
01:32:27,627 --> 01:32:30,127
She's gone, then, the lady.
1231
01:32:31,631 --> 01:32:34,341
He'll know. She'll have told him.
1232
01:32:35,635 --> 01:32:38,145
Only they got to keep mum, vicars.
1233
01:32:38,554 --> 01:32:41,684
No helping the police with their enquiries.
1234
01:32:42,475 --> 01:32:44,315
Did you know she was on the run?
1235
01:32:44,394 --> 01:32:45,524
Miss Shepherd?
1236
01:32:46,145 --> 01:32:48,605
Miss whatever you call her, yeah.
1237
01:32:48,982 --> 01:32:51,112
Stationary at a junction,
1238
01:32:51,192 --> 01:32:54,322
a young lad on a motorbike
comes 'round a corner too fast
1239
01:32:55,321 --> 01:32:57,741
and smashes into her vehicle.
1240
01:32:58,324 --> 01:32:59,874
Not her fault.
1241
01:33:00,034 --> 01:33:04,004
Only here's a dead boy on the road
who she thinks she's killed.
1242
01:33:05,331 --> 01:33:08,461
Does she call the police?
Flag down a fellow motorist? No.
1243
01:33:08,543 --> 01:33:10,293
She clears off pronto.
1244
01:33:10,586 --> 01:33:14,096
Thereby putting herself
on the wrong side of the law.
1245
01:33:14,340 --> 01:33:16,470
So, you blackmailed her.
1246
01:33:16,843 --> 01:33:19,093
I'm a policeman, Mr Bennett.
1247
01:33:19,721 --> 01:33:22,931
Retired, of course.
We don't do things like that.
1248
01:33:32,859 --> 01:33:35,859
Well, it's a cut above her previous vehicle.
1249
01:33:37,739 --> 01:33:42,739
All those years, stood on my doorstep,
she was outside the law.
1250
01:33:44,370 --> 01:33:47,750
A life, this is what I keep thinking,
1251
01:33:48,041 --> 01:33:51,501
a life beside which mine is just dull.
1252
01:34:01,220 --> 01:34:06,810
Left to my own thoughts at the graveside,
one of the undertaker's men takes the eye.
1253
01:34:07,268 --> 01:34:11,688
Not an occupation one drifts into,
I imagine, undertaking.
1254
01:34:12,523 --> 01:34:14,903
Mr Bennett. Excuse me.
1255
01:34:14,984 --> 01:34:17,904
I'm supposed to be the centrepiece here.
1256
01:34:18,112 --> 01:34:20,822
But I'm forgetting
that the dead know everything.
1257
01:34:21,115 --> 01:34:26,085
You should be fighting back the tears,
not eyeing up the talent.
1258
01:34:27,705 --> 01:34:28,915
Well, it's a thought.
1259
01:34:28,998 --> 01:34:30,288
She's dead now.
1260
01:34:30,375 --> 01:34:31,835
I can do what I want with her.
1261
01:34:31,959 --> 01:34:34,789
Yes, you can. I'm dead. Feel free!
1262
01:34:35,338 --> 01:34:36,588
Hello.
1263
01:34:37,006 --> 01:34:40,766
There are two of you now.
Is that because you're in two minds?
1264
01:34:40,843 --> 01:34:41,843
- Yes.
- No.
1265
01:34:42,136 --> 01:34:43,806
Where are you going, Miss Shepherd?
1266
01:34:44,597 --> 01:34:49,227
I was wondering, would either of you object
if the van became a place of pilgrimage?
1267
01:34:49,310 --> 01:34:51,850
- No.
- I'm getting rid of the van. The van is going.
1268
01:34:51,938 --> 01:34:55,768
Healing could take place, and any proceeds
could go towards the nuns.
1269
01:34:55,858 --> 01:34:57,688
The nuns?
What did the nuns ever do for you?
1270
01:34:57,777 --> 01:35:00,527
Well, not much,
but when the donations start rolling in
1271
01:35:00,613 --> 01:35:03,283
they'll realise
what a catch I would have been.
1272
01:35:03,366 --> 01:35:05,956
It was the same with Saint Bernadette.
1273
01:35:06,119 --> 01:35:09,409
They didn't realise with her
until it was too late.
1274
01:35:10,873 --> 01:35:13,963
This way.
There's someone I want you to meet.
1275
01:35:15,336 --> 01:35:17,296
That's something you could do.
1276
01:35:17,380 --> 01:35:22,510
This thing you're trying to write,
well, you could pump it up a bit.
1277
01:35:22,885 --> 01:35:25,095
If it were on the lines of
The Song of Bernadette,
1278
01:35:25,179 --> 01:35:27,139
it would make you a packet.
1279
01:35:27,432 --> 01:35:30,562
I mean, why? Why did you just let me die?
1280
01:35:31,185 --> 01:35:33,565
I'd like to go up into heaven.
1281
01:35:33,980 --> 01:35:36,610
An ascension, possibly.
1282
01:35:37,024 --> 01:35:38,824
A transfiguration.
1283
01:35:39,026 --> 01:35:40,616
That's not really my kind of thing.
1284
01:35:40,695 --> 01:35:42,195
There you are.
1285
01:35:43,114 --> 01:35:44,824
This is my new friend.
1286
01:35:44,907 --> 01:35:46,237
- Hello.
- Hello.
1287
01:35:46,325 --> 01:35:48,785
It's the young man who crashed into the van.
1288
01:35:48,870 --> 01:35:49,870
Hi.
1289
01:35:50,037 --> 01:35:51,827
I thought it was me that killed him.
1290
01:35:52,081 --> 01:35:54,251
Turns out it was his own fault.
1291
01:35:54,375 --> 01:35:58,255
So, one way and another,
we've got heaps to talk about.
1292
01:35:59,046 --> 01:36:00,346
Good bye.
1293
01:36:01,424 --> 01:36:02,634
Mr Bennett?
1294
01:36:02,717 --> 01:36:03,967
Yes.
1295
01:36:04,302 --> 01:36:07,342
I came into your drive for three months
1296
01:36:08,556 --> 01:36:12,396
and I stayed for 15 years!
1297
01:36:12,560 --> 01:36:15,560
- Mr Bennett?
- Yes?
1298
01:36:15,688 --> 01:36:18,438
- Do you know what that is?
- No.
1299
01:36:19,025 --> 01:36:21,615
It's the last laugh.
1300
01:36:28,451 --> 01:36:31,411
Well, she wanted an ascension.
1301
01:36:33,539 --> 01:36:35,579
Let's answer her prayers.
1302
01:36:37,668 --> 01:36:40,838
Stand by, Miss Mary Teresa Shepherd,
1303
01:36:41,506 --> 01:36:43,966
late of 23 Gloucester Crescent.
1304
01:36:47,220 --> 01:36:48,590
UP YOU go.
1305
01:37:03,653 --> 01:37:06,953
Starting out as someone incidental to my life,
1306
01:37:07,740 --> 01:37:13,580
she remained on the edge of it so long,
she became not incidental to it at all.
1307
01:37:14,247 --> 01:37:18,037
As homebound sons and daughters
looking after their parents
1308
01:37:18,125 --> 01:37:22,675
think of it as just marking time
before their lives start,
1309
01:37:23,297 --> 01:37:28,587
so, like them, I learned there is
no such thing as marking time
1310
01:37:29,595 --> 01:37:31,805
and that time marks you.
1311
01:37:32,932 --> 01:37:37,102
In accommodating her
and accommodating to her,
1312
01:37:37,186 --> 01:37:39,776
I find 20 years of my life has gone.
1313
01:37:43,609 --> 01:37:47,279
This broken-down old woman, her delusions,
1314
01:37:47,363 --> 01:37:52,493
and the slow abridgement of her life,
with all its vehicular permutations,
1315
01:37:53,369 --> 01:37:56,079
these have been given to me to record
1316
01:37:56,372 --> 01:38:00,792
as others record journeys
across Afghanistan or Patagonia
1317
01:38:02,211 --> 01:38:04,591
or the thighs of a dozen women.
1318
01:38:05,214 --> 01:38:07,844
You wanted me to make things happen.
1319
01:38:08,634 --> 01:38:12,974
And I never have much, but it doesn't matter.
1320
01:38:14,307 --> 01:38:16,847
Because what I've learnt,
1321
01:38:17,310 --> 01:38:22,350
and maybe she taught me, is that
you don't put yourself into what you write.
1322
01:38:23,441 --> 01:38:25,111
You find yourself there.
1323
01:38:25,526 --> 01:38:27,236
I never wanted to write about her.
1324
01:38:27,320 --> 01:38:31,200
If there'd been a bit more in your life,
I wouldn't have had to.
1325
01:38:31,949 --> 01:38:33,619
Maybe I will now.
1326
01:38:34,660 --> 01:38:35,780
What?
1327
01:38:36,996 --> 01:38:39,086
Have a bit more in my life.
1328
01:38:39,332 --> 01:38:41,292
I might even start living.
1329
01:38:41,375 --> 01:38:42,715
Good day?
1330
01:38:42,918 --> 01:38:44,458
Not bad. You?
1331
01:38:45,338 --> 01:38:46,708
These came.
1332
01:38:48,841 --> 01:38:50,171
Very good.
1333
01:38:50,718 --> 01:38:52,758
- Coming down?
- All right.
1334
01:38:53,888 --> 01:38:56,058
That's the end of the story.
1335
01:38:56,682 --> 01:38:58,562
It might make a play.
1336
01:38:58,643 --> 01:39:00,233
What do you think?
1337
01:39:01,020 --> 01:39:04,270
Now I'm here,
I think you should stop talking to yourself.
1338
01:39:20,247 --> 01:39:21,287
Hi.
1339
01:39:21,916 --> 01:39:23,216
Hi, Alan.
1340
01:39:23,959 --> 01:39:27,089
Okay, nice and quiet, please. Here we go.
And let's turn over.
1341
01:39:28,673 --> 01:39:30,383
- Speed.
- Mark it.
1342
01:39:30,758 --> 01:39:32,048
Okay, take 14.
1343
01:39:34,553 --> 01:39:36,183
And, action!
1344
01:39:37,264 --> 01:39:40,854
Gloucester Crescent
has had many notable residents,
1345
01:39:40,935 --> 01:39:45,815
but none odder or more remarkable
than Miss Mary Shepherd,
1346
01:39:45,898 --> 01:39:49,608
to whom we dedicate this blue plaque today.