1 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,751 You there, which way to Pepperinge Eye? 2 00:04:27,863 --> 00:04:32,491 Couldn't say, sir. It said on the wireless to paint out the signposts 3 00:04:32,596 --> 00:04:35,752 in case the Nazis drop in. 4 00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:38,654 I'm not a Nazi! I'm a British officer! 5 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,486 That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi, isn't it, sir? 6 00:04:43,591 --> 00:04:46,143 Drive on, corporal. 7 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:14,012 Sorry to give you so many but you do have six bedrooms. 8 00:05:14,112 --> 00:05:17,505 No trouble. Anything to get the poor things away 9 00:05:17,613 --> 00:05:21,160 from those terrible bombings in London. 10 00:05:24,762 --> 00:05:27,918 What about us? 11 00:05:28,017 --> 00:05:31,465 - Oh, yes. What is your name? - Rawlins, ma'am. 12 00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:37,130 Oh, yes. Here we are. Carrie. 13 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,199 Charles. 14 00:05:39,308 --> 00:05:41,621 Paul. 15 00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:44,879 You're for Miss Price. I'm expecting her in. 16 00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:48,666 - Call out the navy - I won't be a moment. 17 00:05:48,775 --> 00:05:50,892 Please don't touch anything. 18 00:05:50,993 --> 00:05:53,839 Call out the tanks 19 00:05:53,951 --> 00:05:58,874 From the Cliffs of Dover, call up the gulls 20 00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:04,254 And don't forget the loyal territorials 21 00:06:04,355 --> 00:06:09,235 But who's digging in here? Who will defend 22 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:14,314 Every inch of England, no matter what they send? 23 00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:19,336 Who's standing firm in our own front yard? 24 00:06:19,442 --> 00:06:24,518 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard, that's who 25 00:06:24,620 --> 00:06:29,541 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard 26 00:06:29,649 --> 00:06:34,964 We wrote the story of the old brigades 27 00:06:35,073 --> 00:06:40,093 We know the glory of yesterday's parades 28 00:06:40,201 --> 00:06:45,024 Who's standing firm in our own front yard? 29 00:06:45,131 --> 00:06:49,955 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard, that's who 30 00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:55,923 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard 31 00:06:57,802 --> 00:07:01,546 - Halt! - Carry on, sergeant. 32 00:07:01,649 --> 00:07:05,238 Captain Greer, sir, from headquarters at Tidbury, 33 00:07:05,347 --> 00:07:07,857 here to check military preparations. 34 00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:11,353 Tell them Pepperinge Eye has matters well in hand. 35 00:07:11,461 --> 00:07:15,541 Nevertheless, I... What on earth is that? 36 00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:29,701 Good morning, General. I received your message, Mrs Hobday. 37 00:07:29,802 --> 00:07:33,196 - I assume my parcel has arrived. - It's in the office. 38 00:07:33,304 --> 00:07:34,579 How lovely. 39 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:40,993 - Who is that? - Miss Price. Splendid woman. 40 00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:43,799 Her late father served with me. 41 00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:47,060 What does she burn in this? It smells like sulphur. 42 00:07:47,159 --> 00:07:51,042 Ridiculous! One can't make motor fuel out of sulphur! 43 00:07:51,152 --> 00:07:56,860 Here we are. Another object from Professor Emelius Browne in London. 44 00:07:56,971 --> 00:08:00,617 - Thank you. - Is it what you expected? 45 00:08:00,717 --> 00:08:06,915 - I imagine so. - He sent you a cat last time. 46 00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:13,429 - Professor Browne is well? - I haven't the faintest idea. 47 00:08:13,538 --> 00:08:17,084 Are we to have the pleasure of meeting him? 48 00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:20,775 I doubt it. I don't know Professor Browne personally. 49 00:08:20,884 --> 00:08:24,628 - Was there something else? - Yes. Would you come this way? 50 00:08:24,729 --> 00:08:27,886 - I'm very anxious to get home. - Come along, please. 51 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:35,518 - Get down, Charlie. I want a ride! - Bash him one! 52 00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:38,081 Stop it this instant! 53 00:08:39,767 --> 00:08:42,712 Children, this is Miss Price. 54 00:08:42,825 --> 00:08:47,004 Carrie, Charles and Paul Rawlins, all the way from London. 55 00:08:47,115 --> 00:08:49,723 - How do you do? - How are you, miss? 56 00:08:49,827 --> 00:08:55,001 The government are trying to evacuate children into the country. 57 00:08:55,103 --> 00:08:58,986 - Very sensible. - Today they sent us 45. 58 00:08:59,096 --> 00:09:03,822 And I've had to find homes for all of them at very short notice. 59 00:09:03,929 --> 00:09:12,749 These are the last three. All right, children. Pick up your things. 60 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:16,499 You're not suggesting I take these children into my house? 61 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:21,578 - Exactly. - That's quite out of the question. 62 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:24,133 Children and I don't get on. 63 00:09:24,884 --> 00:09:28,866 I'll believe you, miss. Come on. Back to London. 64 00:09:28,975 --> 00:09:30,700 Be quiet. 65 00:09:31,391 --> 00:09:34,042 Besides, I have important work to do. 66 00:09:34,153 --> 00:09:37,799 Miss Price, you do have that entire house to yourself. 67 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:43,271 According to the Ministry of Civil Defence, you have no choice. 68 00:09:43,373 --> 00:09:44,887 I see. 69 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,042 If that is the case I shall take them into my house, 70 00:09:48,156 --> 00:09:52,825 with the understanding that you find another home as soon as possible. 71 00:09:52,939 --> 00:09:55,056 Fine. Come along. 72 00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:05,255 Good morning, Miss Price. There they are! 73 00:10:05,363 --> 00:10:08,813 Oh, Miss Price, what a charitable thing you are doing, 74 00:10:08,913 --> 00:10:11,914 taking in these poor unfortunates from the city. 75 00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:16,451 - Hold this very carefully. - I wonder if I may drop by later. 76 00:10:16,556 --> 00:10:20,833 - Why? - Consider their spiritual needs. 77 00:10:20,944 --> 00:10:24,590 That won't be necessary. They won't be with me for long. 78 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,734 My parcel, please. 79 00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:55,299 Bring your things inside. 80 00:10:59,107 --> 00:11:02,305 - Bit murky, ain't it? - Yeah. 81 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:06,154 Not another house round here for miles. 82 00:11:09,905 --> 00:11:13,299 - Wipe your feet. - Big place, this. 83 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,855 - Who else lives here? - I live alone. 84 00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:19,311 It suits my purpose. 85 00:11:21,393 --> 00:11:24,549 All right. Come along, everybody. 86 00:11:37,911 --> 00:11:40,814 Sorry, miss. The cat startled us. 87 00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:44,508 No need for alarm. You just frightened him. 88 00:11:45,603 --> 00:11:49,249 Yeah, he's scared to death. You can see that! 89 00:11:51,519 --> 00:11:55,993 - What do you call your cat? - I don't give animals silly names. 90 00:11:56,105 --> 00:12:01,126 I call him Cosmic Creepers because that's the name he came with. 91 00:12:01,233 --> 00:12:05,020 You will sleep in here. This was my father's bedroom. 92 00:12:05,128 --> 00:12:07,779 Be very careful of everything in it. 93 00:12:07,889 --> 00:12:11,241 - You boys take the bed there. - All right, miss. 94 00:12:11,341 --> 00:12:13,752 - What was your name? - Carrie, miss. 95 00:12:13,855 --> 00:12:17,697 - You sleep in the sofa in there. - Thank you, miss. 96 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,936 - Is that all you brought? - We ain't exactly burdened down. 97 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,746 Travel light, that's us. 98 00:12:25,886 --> 00:12:28,298 I don't think this is going to work 99 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,953 but it seems that I have no alternative. 100 00:12:31,063 --> 00:12:33,615 We'll do our best, miss. Really, we will. 101 00:12:33,726 --> 00:12:37,513 Thank you, Carrie. The bathroom is along the landing. 102 00:12:37,621 --> 00:12:41,561 - Supper is at 6:00. You will wash... - Wash? 103 00:12:41,664 --> 00:12:45,506 You will wash yourselves otherwise there will be no supper. 104 00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:48,358 Is that clear? 105 00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:54,175 A house of horror. That's what we've come to. 106 00:13:02,274 --> 00:13:07,154 Please don't bother to whisper. I'm exceptionally keen of hearing. 107 00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,806 You are planning to run back to London. 108 00:13:09,917 --> 00:13:12,622 Please do your plotting elsewhere 109 00:13:12,727 --> 00:13:14,887 where I shan't have to listen to it. 110 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,200 I don't know much about what children eat. 111 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,654 You'll have to make do as I do. 112 00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,708 Is there anything in particular that you fancy? 113 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:27,018 Sausage and mash, bubble and squeak, 114 00:13:27,124 --> 00:13:29,479 toad in the hole, fried fish... 115 00:13:29,589 --> 00:13:31,455 Anything at all. 116 00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:35,208 You won't find any fried foods in this house. 117 00:13:35,309 --> 00:13:37,328 - No fried food? - No. 118 00:13:37,429 --> 00:13:40,037 How do you keep your health? 119 00:13:40,141 --> 00:13:42,160 Cabbage buds, rosehips, 120 00:13:42,261 --> 00:13:48,516 hyssop seed, elm bark, wattle yeast and stewed nettles. 121 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,218 "Dear Madam. With this shipment, 122 00:14:56,319 --> 00:14:59,516 the Emelius Browne College of Witchcraft 123 00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:01,837 sends you its congratulations 124 00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:06,020 on qualifying for the first degree of your chosen calling." 125 00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:10,661 "You may now call yourself 'apprentice witch'." 126 00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:15,146 "Yours faithfully, Emelius Browne." 127 00:15:23,438 --> 00:15:25,989 My first broom. 128 00:15:31,178 --> 00:15:33,590 Time to go. Everybody up. 129 00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:38,858 Wake up, Paul. We're going back to London. 130 00:15:39,511 --> 00:15:42,162 Let's see how we fly this thing. 131 00:15:43,061 --> 00:15:45,516 Here we are. 132 00:15:47,302 --> 00:15:50,794 "Clasp the broom with both hands." 133 00:15:51,690 --> 00:15:54,200 Yes, of course. 134 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,032 "Never astride the broom." Oh, yes, of course. 135 00:16:06,136 --> 00:16:10,372 "A witch is always a lady unless circumstances dictate otherwise." 136 00:16:10,476 --> 00:16:14,654 "Take an easy, graceful sideways position." 137 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:20,276 Of course, that's much better. An easy, graceful sideways position. 138 00:16:20,386 --> 00:16:24,074 There we are. How's that? 139 00:16:25,908 --> 00:16:29,400 "To start up the broom, your basic formula: 140 00:16:29,508 --> 00:16:34,080 La kipo necriff scrumpet leech!" 141 00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:39,455 I wasn't ready! 142 00:17:03,726 --> 00:17:06,040 Now watch this. 143 00:17:10,925 --> 00:17:12,748 Here we go. 144 00:17:38,389 --> 00:17:41,333 It's going to be a little different this time. 145 00:17:48,053 --> 00:17:51,095 All right. I know it's not ladylike. 146 00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:57,218 What's the matter? 147 00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:02,788 - How does she do that? - She's a witch. 148 00:19:02,899 --> 00:19:06,054 That's the sort of thing witches do. 149 00:19:27,454 --> 00:19:30,552 She don't fly good, do she? 150 00:19:37,462 --> 00:19:41,305 - She's crashed! - Now's our chance to hop it! 151 00:19:41,407 --> 00:19:45,782 - Suppose she's hurt. - Go on! You can't hurt a witch. 152 00:19:46,929 --> 00:19:48,654 Look out! 153 00:19:57,283 --> 00:20:00,578 She's proper cross now. Let's get away from here. 154 00:20:00,686 --> 00:20:04,724 Hang on. I'm having a bit of a think. 155 00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,142 A witch she is, says you. 156 00:20:07,243 --> 00:20:10,343 Then let's use the old loaf, says I. 157 00:20:10,448 --> 00:20:14,684 - Let's get back to London. - What we have here is an opportunity. 158 00:20:14,788 --> 00:20:18,867 She don't want anyone to know she's a witch, does she? 159 00:20:18,979 --> 00:20:22,667 - Not ruddy likely. - That's the opportunity. 160 00:20:22,774 --> 00:20:26,421 And I intend to make the most of it. Come on. 161 00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:30,451 - Bran porridge. - Thank you, miss. 162 00:20:30,565 --> 00:20:33,019 Very healthful, I'm sure! 163 00:20:35,003 --> 00:20:39,238 - Hurt your foot, Miss Price? - Just twisted my ankle. 164 00:20:39,341 --> 00:20:43,030 - Sorry to hear that. - Thank you. It's nothing serious. 165 00:20:44,224 --> 00:20:47,518 Lovely weather for flying last night. 166 00:20:53,246 --> 00:20:56,149 Why did you say that, Charles? 167 00:20:56,253 --> 00:20:59,900 Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are. 168 00:21:01,382 --> 00:21:03,499 I see. 169 00:21:06,658 --> 00:21:10,598 Don't worry, Miss Price. No one's gonna peach on you. 170 00:21:12,032 --> 00:21:17,011 Thank you. I should be most grateful if you didn't tell anyone. 171 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:21,990 Course there would have to be one or two little changes made round here. 172 00:21:22,091 --> 00:21:26,522 I mean, I'd like to see an occasional sausage on the table here. 173 00:21:26,627 --> 00:21:29,782 - A bit of strawberry jam. - Charlie! 174 00:21:29,881 --> 00:21:33,821 Let me handle this. And another thing, Miss Price. 175 00:21:33,924 --> 00:21:38,593 There will be no more of this wash, wash, wash, morning and night. 176 00:21:38,706 --> 00:21:41,258 Anything else? 177 00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:45,506 Now you mention it, I could do with a bit of lolly. 178 00:21:46,349 --> 00:21:48,509 Lolly? 179 00:21:48,617 --> 00:21:51,618 Cash. Cold, hard cash. 180 00:21:51,723 --> 00:21:54,527 You must have buckets of it. 181 00:21:54,632 --> 00:21:59,849 The most accomplished of witches can't make money out of thin air. 182 00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:03,154 Have you ever heard of a rich witch? 183 00:22:03,261 --> 00:22:08,534 Be that as it may, you don't want us to blab, do you? 184 00:22:08,635 --> 00:22:12,282 Have you considered what danger you might be in? 185 00:22:12,382 --> 00:22:15,734 I am a witch, you know. 186 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:19,718 What will you do? Turn me into a toad? 187 00:22:19,828 --> 00:22:22,772 Lovely. A toad with pink eyes. 188 00:22:24,018 --> 00:22:28,647 - I might just do that. - Go on, then. I dare you. 189 00:22:28,752 --> 00:22:30,519 Very well, Charles. 190 00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:37,968 - You shouldn't have said that to her. - She don't frighten me. 191 00:22:38,071 --> 00:22:40,328 She can't even ride a proper broom. 192 00:22:40,438 --> 00:22:42,990 Excuse me, Charles. 193 00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:46,494 Filigree, apogee, 194 00:22:46,601 --> 00:22:50,541 pedigree, perigee. 195 00:22:52,419 --> 00:22:54,971 Oh, Charlie! 196 00:22:56,216 --> 00:22:59,061 That's better than a toad! That's a rabbit! 197 00:22:59,174 --> 00:23:02,330 Bother! I never seem to be able to manage toads. 198 00:23:08,247 --> 00:23:10,897 Stop! Leave him alone! 199 00:23:13,423 --> 00:23:17,602 - Don't let Charlie get hurt. - My spells don't last very long. 200 00:23:17,714 --> 00:23:19,873 I'm just an apprentice witch. 201 00:23:33,393 --> 00:23:35,804 Look out, Charlie! 202 00:23:46,114 --> 00:23:49,997 You flaming brute! 203 00:23:51,241 --> 00:23:55,182 I'll teach you to do that to me! 204 00:23:55,285 --> 00:23:58,931 Let Cosmic Creepers alone. Weren't his fault. 205 00:23:59,624 --> 00:24:01,292 I'm afraid it's my fault. 206 00:24:01,398 --> 00:24:04,148 Bad enough not being able to manage a broom. 207 00:24:04,258 --> 00:24:08,045 I can't perform a simple, basic spell. 208 00:24:08,153 --> 00:24:12,879 You dared her to do it. I don't see why we can't all be friends. 209 00:24:12,986 --> 00:24:15,930 Maybe she's not a wicked witch. 210 00:24:16,043 --> 00:24:18,398 Of course I'm not! 211 00:24:18,507 --> 00:24:22,350 - See? - If only I could trust you. 212 00:24:22,452 --> 00:24:27,024 You see, the work I'm doing is so important to the war effort. 213 00:24:27,136 --> 00:24:31,469 - How do you mean? - I mean exceptionally important. 214 00:24:31,574 --> 00:24:33,691 Most secret. 215 00:24:34,483 --> 00:24:37,582 What do you say, Charlie? We can keep a secret. 216 00:24:37,688 --> 00:24:41,866 Yeah. If someone made it worth our while. 217 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,478 I don't follow. 218 00:24:44,591 --> 00:24:49,218 Simple. You give us something valuable to seal the pact. 219 00:24:49,324 --> 00:24:52,522 Oh, Charlie, don't try to be clever again. 220 00:24:52,627 --> 00:24:55,039 It's for our own protection, ain't it? 221 00:24:55,142 --> 00:25:00,064 If we broke the pact, we'd have to give back the valuable object. 222 00:25:00,172 --> 00:25:03,914 I think it's an excellent idea. 223 00:25:04,017 --> 00:25:09,977 I wonder what I could give you. Would you settle for one of my spells? 224 00:25:10,082 --> 00:25:12,690 Bet that's not worth much. 225 00:25:13,632 --> 00:25:16,043 Come with me. 226 00:25:20,634 --> 00:25:25,008 - I like you better as a rabbit. - Shut up, you. 227 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:27,182 Well, I never had a rabbit. 228 00:25:29,608 --> 00:25:32,510 Careful what you touch in here. 229 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,689 Rum sort of place, ain't it? 230 00:25:39,222 --> 00:25:43,162 When I signed for my witchcraft course there was a free bonus, 231 00:25:43,265 --> 00:25:47,892 a marvellous travelling spell if you paid in advance. 232 00:25:47,998 --> 00:25:50,606 I think I'll give you that one. 233 00:25:50,710 --> 00:25:53,655 - Is it valuable? - Certainly. 234 00:25:57,958 --> 00:26:00,805 Poisoned dragon's liver? 235 00:26:03,135 --> 00:26:07,608 You mean you poison the dragon or just the liver? 236 00:26:07,721 --> 00:26:11,703 It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment. 237 00:26:11,813 --> 00:26:14,968 Here we are. The travelling spell. 238 00:26:15,068 --> 00:26:17,522 Everybody gather round. 239 00:26:20,097 --> 00:26:22,312 All right now. Let's see. 240 00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:25,570 Does any one of you have a bracelet or a ring? 241 00:26:25,668 --> 00:26:29,160 - Something that you can twist. - No, Miss Price. 242 00:26:29,268 --> 00:26:33,600 - What about you, Paul? - Always carry a few things around. 243 00:26:33,706 --> 00:26:39,118 Never know when they might come in useful. Piece of blue glass. 244 00:26:39,228 --> 00:26:41,443 Lovely bit of string. 245 00:26:42,827 --> 00:26:45,141 Horseshoe nail. 246 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:48,791 What's that? 247 00:26:48,892 --> 00:26:51,892 Knob from the bed upstairs. 248 00:26:51,997 --> 00:26:56,920 - It twists, don't it? - Yeah. Twisted right off. 249 00:26:57,027 --> 00:26:59,832 Yes, I think that will be all right. 250 00:26:59,936 --> 00:27:03,918 Carrie, turn the light down a little bit, will you? 251 00:27:17,735 --> 00:27:21,030 Hellebore, henbane, aconite... 252 00:27:24,835 --> 00:27:29,211 glow-worm fire, firefly light! 253 00:27:32,774 --> 00:27:35,578 There. Isn't that pretty? 254 00:27:35,683 --> 00:27:38,234 Is that all we get? 255 00:27:38,345 --> 00:27:42,187 This knob will now work the famous travelling spell. 256 00:27:42,290 --> 00:27:45,445 And what's the famous travelling spell? 257 00:27:45,545 --> 00:27:48,586 - How does it work? - You take this knob 258 00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:51,056 and put it back on the bed upstairs. 259 00:27:51,165 --> 00:27:54,165 Then turn it smartly a quarter turn to the left 260 00:27:54,271 --> 00:27:58,113 then in a firm, clear voice, tell it where you want to go 261 00:27:58,216 --> 00:28:00,726 and the bed will take you there. 262 00:28:00,829 --> 00:28:02,048 Go on! 263 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,592 - Will it really? - I see no reason to think otherwise. 264 00:28:07,831 --> 00:28:11,029 Thank you for the lovely gift. 265 00:28:11,134 --> 00:28:15,860 Sorry, but it belongs to Paul. He's the only one who can work the spell. 266 00:28:15,966 --> 00:28:18,771 - Me? - Yes. 267 00:28:18,875 --> 00:28:22,618 That's right. My knob, weren't it? 268 00:28:22,721 --> 00:28:24,740 That's the way the spell works. 269 00:28:24,841 --> 00:28:28,094 Nice mess he'll make of things. 270 00:28:30,807 --> 00:28:34,102 Oh, bother. You children run upstairs. 271 00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:37,561 Don't try anything with the bedknob till I get back. 272 00:28:39,534 --> 00:28:41,988 "Dear Madam, it grieves me to inform you 273 00:28:42,098 --> 00:28:46,978 that we have been forced to close down our College of Witchcraft." 274 00:28:47,079 --> 00:28:50,821 "This means that we shall not be sending you the final lesson 275 00:28:50,924 --> 00:28:53,771 in which you expressed so much interest." 276 00:28:57,629 --> 00:29:01,907 - What's keeping you? - I've had some very bad news. 277 00:29:02,018 --> 00:29:04,570 Is there anything we can do? 278 00:29:04,681 --> 00:29:07,191 No. No, thank you. 279 00:29:08,576 --> 00:29:10,300 Yes. 280 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,556 Yes, there is something that Paul can do. 281 00:29:13,654 --> 00:29:16,360 - Me? - I need the bedknob back. 282 00:29:16,465 --> 00:29:22,074 - I must get to London. - No. I want to go to the jungle. 283 00:29:22,184 --> 00:29:24,890 Come with me, Paul. 284 00:29:30,270 --> 00:29:33,174 Now, Paul. Ridiculous as it may seem 285 00:29:33,278 --> 00:29:36,124 to have to explain this to a six-year-old, 286 00:29:36,237 --> 00:29:40,316 - I do need your help. - Go ahead. 287 00:29:40,427 --> 00:29:43,527 I was expecting a very important spell in the mail 288 00:29:43,632 --> 00:29:47,811 from my teacher, Professor Emelius Browne, and it hasn't come. 289 00:29:47,922 --> 00:29:50,628 What's that got to do with my knob? 290 00:29:50,732 --> 00:29:54,476 I must go to London immediately and see Professor Browne. 291 00:29:54,578 --> 00:30:00,932 With his help, we may be able to bring this war to a successful end. 292 00:30:01,037 --> 00:30:03,449 That is why I need the knob. 293 00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:06,006 What is your decision? 294 00:30:13,808 --> 00:30:16,416 Thank you, Paul. 295 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,281 I brought this for your hair. It may be windy. 296 00:30:22,387 --> 00:30:24,743 Thank you. It's ever so nice. 297 00:30:24,852 --> 00:30:28,148 Paul, have you been to the bathroom? 298 00:30:28,254 --> 00:30:30,511 - Twice. - Good. 299 00:30:30,621 --> 00:30:33,371 Charles, put on something warmer. 300 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,990 The bed may travel quite fast. 301 00:30:36,094 --> 00:30:39,740 I'm not going. I'm staying right here. 302 00:30:39,842 --> 00:30:42,155 But why? 303 00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:48,162 All that rubbish about a travelling bed. It won't work. That's why. 304 00:30:48,273 --> 00:30:51,568 Carrie, help me to pull the bed out. 305 00:30:51,675 --> 00:30:55,559 We don't want to scratch the wall when we take off. 306 00:30:56,309 --> 00:30:59,759 How's a ruddy big bed like that gonna get out of this room 307 00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:03,842 with those little windows? 308 00:31:03,952 --> 00:31:08,285 I don't know. There's a great many things about magic that I don't know. 309 00:31:08,390 --> 00:31:11,488 - We'll just have to find out. - Lovely! 310 00:31:11,595 --> 00:31:13,810 Just leave me out of it. 311 00:31:13,912 --> 00:31:16,421 I don't fancy making a fool of myself. 312 00:31:17,511 --> 00:31:21,747 What's come over you lately, Charlie? You're no fun any more. 313 00:31:21,850 --> 00:31:26,730 Help me tidy up. We don't want to go to London with an unmade bed. 314 00:31:26,830 --> 00:31:30,028 - How old is Charles? - Eleven, going on twelve. 315 00:31:30,133 --> 00:31:36,445 I see. That's what my father used to call the age of not believing. 316 00:31:36,543 --> 00:31:38,858 What's that supposed to be? 317 00:31:40,192 --> 00:31:44,525 When you rush around in hopeless circles 318 00:31:44,630 --> 00:31:49,903 Searching everywhere for something true 319 00:31:50,004 --> 00:31:55,122 You're at the age of not believing 320 00:31:55,231 --> 00:31:59,017 When all the make-believe is through 321 00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:01,930 That's Charlie to a tee. 322 00:32:02,035 --> 00:32:06,312 When you set aside your childhood heroes 323 00:32:06,423 --> 00:32:11,598 And your dreams are lost upon a shelf 324 00:32:11,698 --> 00:32:17,209 You're at the age of not believing 325 00:32:17,319 --> 00:32:22,593 And worst of all you doubt yourself 326 00:32:22,694 --> 00:32:24,559 Throw that away. 327 00:32:24,667 --> 00:32:29,939 You're a castaway where no one hears you 328 00:32:30,041 --> 00:32:34,710 On a barren isle in a lonely sea 329 00:32:34,824 --> 00:32:36,688 What's that? Poetry? 330 00:32:36,796 --> 00:32:40,582 Where did all the happy endings go? 331 00:32:40,691 --> 00:32:45,767 Where can all the good times be? 332 00:32:45,868 --> 00:32:48,377 Everyone on the bed who's going. 333 00:32:48,481 --> 00:32:53,011 You must face the age of not believing 334 00:32:53,115 --> 00:32:57,842 Doubting everything you ever knew 335 00:32:57,948 --> 00:32:59,167 The knob. 336 00:32:59,279 --> 00:33:04,692 Until at last you start believing 337 00:33:04,801 --> 00:33:11,210 There's something wonderful in you 338 00:33:12,346 --> 00:33:14,602 Lovely sentiment, I'm sure. 339 00:33:14,712 --> 00:33:17,516 - Are you ready, Paul? - Yes, Miss Price. 340 00:33:17,622 --> 00:33:19,288 Repeat after me. 341 00:33:20,432 --> 00:33:25,747 Take us to Professor Emelius Browne... 342 00:33:33,201 --> 00:33:34,421 Very good. 343 00:33:34,534 --> 00:33:40,240 Headmaster, Correspondence College of Witchcraft. 344 00:33:46,958 --> 00:33:50,000 Of Witchcraft, London. 345 00:33:53,170 --> 00:33:57,701 When I say go, tap the knob three times 346 00:33:57,806 --> 00:34:01,199 and turn it a quarter turn to the left. 347 00:34:02,884 --> 00:34:06,138 - Left... - That's it. 348 00:34:06,237 --> 00:34:10,023 We'd better hold on tight. 349 00:34:10,132 --> 00:34:13,427 The behaviour of the bed is something I'm not sure of. 350 00:34:13,534 --> 00:34:16,690 Let me breathe a little. 351 00:34:16,789 --> 00:34:21,416 All right, Paul. Ready? Go. 352 00:34:22,459 --> 00:34:26,538 One... two... three... 353 00:35:34,445 --> 00:35:36,661 - Is this London? - Course it is! 354 00:35:36,764 --> 00:35:40,998 - Smell that lovely sooty air. - Marvellous, ain't it? 355 00:35:41,102 --> 00:35:44,495 - Charles, are you convinced? - Not yet I ain't. 356 00:35:44,602 --> 00:35:47,407 I don't see no Professor Browne. 357 00:35:47,512 --> 00:35:50,610 Neither do I. You children look after the bed 358 00:35:50,717 --> 00:35:53,324 while I make enquiries for Mr Browne. 359 00:35:56,140 --> 00:36:01,217 - I told you this bed wouldn't work. - Don't start that again. 360 00:36:01,317 --> 00:36:07,278 It didn't work. It was supposed to take us to Professor Browne. 361 00:36:08,369 --> 00:36:13,149 - "Professor Browne." - Come on! 362 00:36:24,936 --> 00:36:29,661 Ladies and gentlemen, gather round, please. 363 00:36:31,789 --> 00:36:35,967 Please note the name: Professor Emelius Browne. 364 00:36:36,079 --> 00:36:40,117 I am here to divert, to amuse, 365 00:36:40,220 --> 00:36:42,829 and, yes, even to help you. 366 00:36:42,932 --> 00:36:46,914 - There he is! - It is not what things are... 367 00:36:49,884 --> 00:36:52,240 It is what they seem to be. 368 00:36:52,350 --> 00:36:53,569 Is that not so? 369 00:36:54,222 --> 00:36:56,928 That ain't the kind of professor I expected. 370 00:36:57,034 --> 00:37:01,311 I'm not sure it's the kind Miss Price expected, either. 371 00:37:02,112 --> 00:37:06,052 What effect a little smoke is... 372 00:37:06,648 --> 00:37:08,905 with a dash of hocus-pocus 373 00:37:09,015 --> 00:37:11,425 and the scent of burning... 374 00:37:13,305 --> 00:37:16,460 and the scent of burning sulphur in the air. 375 00:37:18,038 --> 00:37:21,585 And now, for my next trick, may I draw your attention 376 00:37:21,686 --> 00:37:24,940 to this solid piece of ordinary window glass, 377 00:37:25,039 --> 00:37:28,826 framed in an ordinary unprepared frame. 378 00:37:28,934 --> 00:37:33,914 May I also draw your attention to this perfectly ordinary steel nail. 379 00:37:34,013 --> 00:37:36,523 Now I shall place the framed glass 380 00:37:36,627 --> 00:37:39,037 in this brown, unprepared... 381 00:37:39,141 --> 00:37:41,651 Unprepared, mark you... 382 00:37:41,754 --> 00:37:44,699 Unprepared brown paper bag. 383 00:37:44,811 --> 00:37:50,126 I shall now attempt to drive the steel nail through the glass 384 00:37:50,235 --> 00:37:53,235 without breaking the glass. 385 00:37:53,341 --> 00:37:55,752 "Impossible!" I hear you say. 386 00:37:55,856 --> 00:37:57,776 We shall see. 387 00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:06,300 He ain't very good, even if he is a professor. 388 00:38:06,407 --> 00:38:09,604 I tell you what I'm going to do. No, please don't go. 389 00:38:09,711 --> 00:38:14,591 Don't leave now and regret lost opportunities later. 390 00:38:24,256 --> 00:38:29,823 You, young sir. Would you care to warble like the storied nightingale? 391 00:38:29,926 --> 00:38:32,772 With this inexpensive device, 392 00:38:32,885 --> 00:38:37,120 you can charm the very birds down from the trees, like so. 393 00:38:42,450 --> 00:38:45,492 - How much? - For you, sir, one penny. 394 00:38:46,690 --> 00:38:49,299 One copper coin of the realm. 395 00:38:58,523 --> 00:39:02,465 Carrie, I'm very surprised at you wandering off like this. 396 00:39:02,566 --> 00:39:06,704 We found him for you, miss. We found Professor Browne. 397 00:39:06,807 --> 00:39:09,963 Don't work. I've been cheated! 398 00:39:10,061 --> 00:39:13,903 Is that Professor Browne? 399 00:39:14,006 --> 00:39:16,810 It is indeed, my dear. How may I serve you? 400 00:39:16,914 --> 00:39:24,403 Would you be interested in the mating call of the Brazilian bird of love? 401 00:39:25,740 --> 00:39:27,157 Very useful, eh? 402 00:39:27,269 --> 00:39:32,051 You are the headmaster of the Emelius Browne College of Witchcraft? 403 00:39:32,150 --> 00:39:36,288 The late headmaster. The college, alas, is now defunct. 404 00:39:36,391 --> 00:39:39,294 Professor Browne, I am one of your pupils. 405 00:39:39,398 --> 00:39:44,868 My dear lady, you are indeed an ornament to the college. 406 00:39:44,971 --> 00:39:47,088 - Splendid. - Not at all. 407 00:39:47,188 --> 00:39:50,442 I was shocked when you closed down the college 408 00:39:50,542 --> 00:39:53,935 without that most important last lesson. 409 00:39:54,043 --> 00:39:57,731 I'm sorry, my dear. No refunds. Look at your contract. 410 00:39:57,839 --> 00:40:01,780 But I must have the spell that comes with the last lesson! 411 00:40:01,882 --> 00:40:04,491 The matter is closed. I bid you good day. 412 00:40:04,593 --> 00:40:07,343 I have an appointment at my club. 413 00:40:07,454 --> 00:40:09,711 The matter is not closed! 414 00:40:09,821 --> 00:40:13,269 - Don't let him get away. - Righto! 415 00:40:22,738 --> 00:40:25,487 Here we are. 416 00:40:25,598 --> 00:40:28,347 Will you get this child off my leg? 417 00:40:28,458 --> 00:40:31,501 Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee. 418 00:40:40,341 --> 00:40:43,383 Now I trust you'll behave more like a gentleman. 419 00:40:44,286 --> 00:40:46,500 Look out! 420 00:40:47,737 --> 00:40:50,191 There goes another rabbit. 421 00:40:50,301 --> 00:40:52,166 What was all that about? 422 00:40:52,272 --> 00:40:55,765 I changed you into a rabbit with one of your own spells. 423 00:40:56,710 --> 00:41:00,454 My spell? From my school? 424 00:41:00,556 --> 00:41:03,066 Not one of your best spells. 425 00:41:03,170 --> 00:41:06,956 It doesn't last. Some of your others are much better. 426 00:41:07,065 --> 00:41:10,654 But I don't understand. My spell? 427 00:41:10,763 --> 00:41:13,609 They were just nonsense words from an old book. 428 00:41:13,722 --> 00:41:16,077 They worked perfectly well for me. 429 00:41:18,405 --> 00:41:21,561 They work for you? 430 00:41:24,865 --> 00:41:29,197 Good woman! Some kind of destiny has brought us together. 431 00:41:29,301 --> 00:41:32,499 You got these spells out of some old book, you say? 432 00:41:32,606 --> 00:41:35,354 I changed them round a bit. 433 00:41:35,465 --> 00:41:39,503 I gave them a bit of my own style, as it were. 434 00:41:39,606 --> 00:41:43,548 The old sorcerers did have a bit of a tendency to waffle on. 435 00:41:43,651 --> 00:41:48,629 But dear lady, I never thought I'd meet somebody like you. 436 00:41:50,011 --> 00:41:52,128 What a treasure. 437 00:41:52,229 --> 00:41:56,113 Mr Browne, will you please stick to the point. 438 00:41:56,223 --> 00:41:59,322 I would like to see this book immediately. 439 00:41:59,428 --> 00:42:02,372 Certainly. It's at my new town house. 440 00:42:02,485 --> 00:42:05,430 Would you care to join me for luncheon? 441 00:42:05,542 --> 00:42:09,090 We can discuss my ideas at the same time. 442 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:14,116 Thank you. We'd be delighted. We shall all go together. 443 00:42:14,220 --> 00:42:19,141 - On the bed? - On the bed, Paul. Come along. 444 00:42:22,306 --> 00:42:25,798 You go round the other side. I always travel on the left. 445 00:42:28,223 --> 00:42:31,168 Will you give the address to Paul, please? 446 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:35,263 May I ask how we are going to get there on this bed? Fly? 447 00:42:35,373 --> 00:42:38,569 My dear Professor, with your own travelling spell. 448 00:42:38,676 --> 00:42:41,831 The one you gave with the course as a bonus. 449 00:42:41,930 --> 00:42:45,813 My travelling spell? That works as well? 450 00:42:45,923 --> 00:42:48,532 Just give the address, please. 451 00:42:49,621 --> 00:42:52,230 8 Winchfield Road. 452 00:42:52,333 --> 00:42:56,666 Bed, take us to 8 Winchfield Road. 453 00:43:07,125 --> 00:43:10,028 Madam, is this vehicle safe? 454 00:43:10,133 --> 00:43:16,935 Perfectly. A bit theatrical, perhaps, but then most good spells are. 455 00:43:59,538 --> 00:44:02,580 We're here. I would never have believed it. 456 00:44:04,024 --> 00:44:07,812 You must have given us the wrong address. Do you live here? 457 00:44:07,919 --> 00:44:11,117 In fact, I do. Temporarily, at any rate. 458 00:44:11,224 --> 00:44:14,716 I found the front door open. The house was deserted. 459 00:44:14,822 --> 00:44:17,822 Everyone has left the neighbourhood. 460 00:44:17,929 --> 00:44:20,677 Why should they do that? 461 00:44:21,676 --> 00:44:25,265 This probably has something to do with it. 462 00:44:27,298 --> 00:44:29,554 Merciful heavens! 463 00:44:29,664 --> 00:44:33,113 You should be terrified at the very idea of living here. 464 00:44:33,214 --> 00:44:37,197 You would have thought so. I am by nature a little bit of a coward. 465 00:44:37,306 --> 00:44:39,325 But then I pondered. 466 00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:43,802 In the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object 467 00:44:43,913 --> 00:44:46,522 is probably the best friend I've ever had. 468 00:44:46,625 --> 00:44:50,509 It enables me, for the first time in my life, to live like a king. 469 00:44:50,619 --> 00:44:53,073 Shall we go in? 470 00:44:55,796 --> 00:44:59,876 Rothschild '26. Noble, worldly-wise, 471 00:44:59,987 --> 00:45:03,030 but with a charming touch of innocence. 472 00:45:03,143 --> 00:45:05,751 Mr Browne, the book. Where is it? 473 00:45:05,855 --> 00:45:08,168 Dear lady, you are relentless. 474 00:45:08,270 --> 00:45:13,346 The book is in the library. We shall proceed there after our cheese and wine. 475 00:45:14,384 --> 00:45:17,231 Why do you keep the curtains closed? 476 00:45:17,343 --> 00:45:21,130 So that we may enjoy the gentle glow of candle light. 477 00:45:21,238 --> 00:45:25,769 More likely so's a copper don't peek in and catch you hiding out here. 478 00:45:25,873 --> 00:45:29,029 Why don't you have a look round the house? 479 00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:31,833 - I want to chat with Miss Price. - May we? 480 00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:35,037 Yes, run along. But don't touch anything. 481 00:45:35,142 --> 00:45:38,732 Remember, this house does not belong to Mr Browne. 482 00:45:39,235 --> 00:45:41,885 Mr Browne, where is that book? 483 00:45:41,996 --> 00:45:45,348 I must have that spell on substitutiary locomotion. 484 00:45:59,303 --> 00:46:03,243 - What is it? A toy shop? - No, it's a nursery. 485 00:46:03,346 --> 00:46:08,226 - Ain't you ever seen a nursery? - No. And neither have you. 486 00:46:52,554 --> 00:46:54,614 Would you hold this, please? 487 00:47:12,226 --> 00:47:15,129 What do you think of that? 488 00:47:22,038 --> 00:47:25,193 - Well, I... don't know what to think. - Miss Price. 489 00:47:25,292 --> 00:47:31,000 Think how successful I could be with an assistant who can really do magic. 490 00:47:32,195 --> 00:47:38,156 Dear lady, have you ever considered entering show business? 491 00:47:38,260 --> 00:47:40,714 - The what business? - The theatre! 492 00:47:40,824 --> 00:47:43,530 Pantomimes, village fairs, the seaside. 493 00:47:43,634 --> 00:47:47,028 Brighton, Blackpool, follies on the prom. 494 00:47:47,135 --> 00:47:49,349 I have very important work to do. 495 00:47:49,452 --> 00:47:52,747 Listen to me. We could make a packet. 496 00:47:52,855 --> 00:47:55,406 Let us strike a bargain 497 00:47:55,517 --> 00:47:57,283 You possess a gift 498 00:47:57,391 --> 00:47:59,802 But I can speak the jargon 499 00:47:59,905 --> 00:48:03,005 That will give your gift the needed lift 500 00:48:03,110 --> 00:48:05,620 You possess the know-how 501 00:48:05,724 --> 00:48:08,275 And I command the show-how 502 00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:13,112 Oh, how successful you could be 503 00:48:13,217 --> 00:48:15,433 With me 504 00:48:15,536 --> 00:48:18,340 I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time. 505 00:48:18,445 --> 00:48:20,505 - What's your name? - Miss Price. 506 00:48:20,614 --> 00:48:22,871 - Your first name. - Eglantine. 507 00:48:24,953 --> 00:48:31,053 Eglantine, Eglantine, oh, how you'll shine 508 00:48:31,165 --> 00:48:36,186 Your lot and my lot have got to combine 509 00:48:36,293 --> 00:48:40,725 Eglantine, Eglantine, hark to the stars 510 00:48:40,829 --> 00:48:44,966 Destiny calls us, the future is ours 511 00:48:45,070 --> 00:48:49,641 As the shine sells the boot and the blossoms the fruit 512 00:48:49,753 --> 00:48:54,381 All you need to succeed in your plan 513 00:48:54,487 --> 00:48:59,507 Is the proper ally upon whom to rely 514 00:48:59,615 --> 00:49:03,401 And I'm your man 515 00:49:04,003 --> 00:49:09,277 For I have an acumen that's nigh-superhuman 516 00:49:09,377 --> 00:49:12,477 I sell things that nobody can 517 00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:18,498 So I humbly suggest you accept my behest 518 00:49:18,598 --> 00:49:22,244 I'm your man 519 00:49:23,479 --> 00:49:27,616 Eglantine, Eglantine, oh how you'll shine 520 00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:29,388 Will you stop? 521 00:49:29,494 --> 00:49:32,439 Your lot and my lot have got to combine 522 00:49:32,551 --> 00:49:36,689 Eglantine, Eglantine, hark to the stars 523 00:49:36,792 --> 00:49:40,578 Destiny calls us, the future is ours 524 00:49:46,258 --> 00:49:48,713 What are you reading? 525 00:49:51,091 --> 00:49:53,110 "Isle of Naboombu." 526 00:49:53,211 --> 00:49:57,782 - Can't be no such place. - There is too such a place. 527 00:49:57,894 --> 00:50:01,344 These pictures prove it, don't it? 528 00:50:02,677 --> 00:50:07,249 Bit weird, ain't it? Animals wearing hats and things. 529 00:50:08,742 --> 00:50:10,902 I like it. 530 00:50:13,870 --> 00:50:17,459 Now where is the book? 531 00:50:17,568 --> 00:50:20,022 Well? Where is it? 532 00:50:40,446 --> 00:50:44,035 At last, Mr Browne! 533 00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:52,622 "The Spells of Astoroth." 534 00:50:52,723 --> 00:50:55,079 Of course. 535 00:50:55,188 --> 00:50:58,484 Here's the travelling spell. This is where you got it. 536 00:51:00,859 --> 00:51:03,467 Does one's nose have to twitch like this? 537 00:51:04,211 --> 00:51:06,623 Oh, you're back, Mr Browne. 538 00:51:06,726 --> 00:51:09,180 Miss Price, a word about your tactics. 539 00:51:09,290 --> 00:51:12,137 I don't mind being changed into a hawk or a tiger 540 00:51:12,249 --> 00:51:13,973 or something with dash. 541 00:51:14,073 --> 00:51:18,309 But always a fluffy white rabbit? It's intolerable! 542 00:51:20,038 --> 00:51:24,470 Here we are! Substitutiary locomotion. 543 00:51:25,314 --> 00:51:29,452 "The ancient art of..." 544 00:51:29,555 --> 00:51:36,300 "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words." 545 00:51:36,409 --> 00:51:39,564 "These words are..." 546 00:51:45,924 --> 00:51:48,084 But the rest of the book is missing! 547 00:51:48,193 --> 00:51:51,039 Now you see why I closed down the college. 548 00:51:53,173 --> 00:51:57,015 - But where are the other pages? - Haven't the foggiest. 549 00:51:57,117 --> 00:52:00,566 - Listen to me! - I'm all ears. 550 00:52:00,667 --> 00:52:04,903 You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book? 551 00:52:05,007 --> 00:52:09,830 I bought it from a street market. There was a bit of unpleasantness. 552 00:52:09,936 --> 00:52:13,232 He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin. I ask you! 553 00:52:13,339 --> 00:52:16,242 There was a sort of scuffle. The book tore. 554 00:52:16,346 --> 00:52:18,996 He got one half and I got the other. 555 00:52:19,107 --> 00:52:23,286 - But where's the other half now? - It's probably been thrown away. 556 00:52:23,398 --> 00:52:26,846 But if it still exists, there's only one place to find it. 557 00:52:27,638 --> 00:52:31,816 - Where is that? - Portobello Road 558 00:52:31,927 --> 00:52:34,536 Portobello Road 559 00:52:34,639 --> 00:52:38,818 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 560 00:52:38,929 --> 00:52:42,912 Anything and everything a chap can unload 561 00:52:43,021 --> 00:52:46,864 Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road 562 00:52:46,965 --> 00:52:53,066 You'll find what you want in the Portobello Road 563 00:52:55,791 --> 00:52:59,774 - Rare alabaster - Genuine plaster 564 00:52:59,884 --> 00:53:03,824 A filigreed samovar owned by the tsars 565 00:53:03,927 --> 00:53:07,965 - A pen used by Shelley - A new Botticelli! 566 00:53:08,069 --> 00:53:12,542 The snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars 567 00:53:12,654 --> 00:53:16,889 Made in Hong Kong? Two bob a dozen, would you say? 568 00:53:16,993 --> 00:53:20,736 - Waterford crystal - Napoleon's pistols 569 00:53:20,839 --> 00:53:25,075 Society heirlooms with genuine gems 570 00:53:25,177 --> 00:53:29,510 Rembrandts, El Grecos, Toulouse-Lautrecos 571 00:53:29,615 --> 00:53:33,752 Painted last week on the banks of the Thames 572 00:53:34,891 --> 00:53:38,284 Very interesting, but where do they sell books? 573 00:53:38,392 --> 00:53:41,001 There's a little place around the corner. 574 00:53:41,942 --> 00:53:46,023 Portobello Road, Portobello Road 575 00:53:46,132 --> 00:53:50,171 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 576 00:53:50,275 --> 00:53:54,061 Anything and everything a chap can unload 577 00:53:54,170 --> 00:53:58,012 Is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road 578 00:53:58,115 --> 00:54:03,821 You meet all your chums in the Portobello Road 579 00:54:03,932 --> 00:54:06,344 Lovely to see you. Goodbye. 580 00:54:10,441 --> 00:54:13,597 What I want is the other half of this book. 581 00:54:13,695 --> 00:54:16,106 All in good time, my dear. 582 00:54:16,210 --> 00:54:20,150 Burke's Peerage, The Bride Book, The Fishmonger's Guidebook 583 00:54:20,253 --> 00:54:22,664 I'm looking for the other part of this. 584 00:54:22,768 --> 00:54:26,216 A Victorian novel, "The Unwanted Son" 585 00:54:26,318 --> 00:54:29,711 - You don't understand! - The History of Potting 586 00:54:29,818 --> 00:54:31,486 The Yearbook of Yachting 587 00:54:31,594 --> 00:54:36,025 The leather-bound "Life of Attila the Hun" 588 00:54:36,130 --> 00:54:39,916 Portobello Road, Portobello Road 589 00:54:40,025 --> 00:54:44,260 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 590 00:54:44,364 --> 00:54:48,305 Artefacts to glorify a regal abode 591 00:54:48,407 --> 00:54:52,445 Are hidden in the flotsam in Portobello Road 592 00:54:52,549 --> 00:54:54,216 Who do you think you are? 593 00:54:54,323 --> 00:54:57,773 Tokens and treasures, yesterday's pleasures 594 00:54:57,873 --> 00:55:01,815 Cheap imitations and heirlooms of old 595 00:55:01,916 --> 00:55:06,193 Dented and tarnished, scarred and unvarnished 596 00:55:06,305 --> 00:55:07,931 In old Portobello... 597 00:55:08,030 --> 00:55:11,228 This lady is looking for the other half of this book. 598 00:55:11,333 --> 00:55:13,689 It's called "The Spells of Astoroth". 599 00:55:18,928 --> 00:55:21,872 I don't keep no torn or damaged books here. 600 00:55:21,984 --> 00:55:26,022 What do you think I am? A ruddy wastepaper merchant? 601 00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:33,464 You can eat like a king in the Portobello Road 602 00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:39,134 There's another bookstore along here somewhere. 603 00:55:39,241 --> 00:55:42,635 You don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you? 604 00:55:42,742 --> 00:55:45,588 Let me have a go, my dear fellow. 605 00:55:47,278 --> 00:55:52,299 Portobello Road, Portobello Road 606 00:55:52,407 --> 00:55:56,149 Happy things are happening in Portobello Road 607 00:55:56,252 --> 00:56:01,173 You feel like a ballerina when you're hopping like a toad 608 00:56:01,281 --> 00:56:05,517 When you kick your heels up down in Portobello Road 609 00:59:07,066 --> 00:59:08,791 Come on, ducks! 610 00:59:10,616 --> 00:59:12,579 Come on, girls! 611 00:59:25,704 --> 00:59:28,060 Lovely. 612 00:59:36,650 --> 00:59:39,399 Oh, yeah, play the drums. 613 01:01:48,989 --> 01:01:50,951 Closing time! 614 01:01:58,751 --> 01:02:01,008 Bye! 615 01:02:16,551 --> 01:02:20,785 Portobello Road 616 01:02:21,875 --> 01:02:25,367 Portobello Road 617 01:02:25,475 --> 01:02:33,609 Street where the riches of ages are stowed 618 01:02:33,709 --> 01:02:39,767 Anything and everything a chap can unload... 619 01:02:39,873 --> 01:02:44,107 Hey, governor. Something for the lady friend? Nylons? 620 01:02:44,211 --> 01:02:46,468 - No, thank you. - Petrol coupons? 621 01:02:46,578 --> 01:02:48,891 - Chocs for the little 'uns? - No. 622 01:02:48,994 --> 01:02:52,486 How about one of these, mate? Fell off the back of a lorry. 623 01:02:52,593 --> 01:02:56,730 - Be a good chap and run away. - Would you fancy this, then? 624 01:02:58,756 --> 01:03:02,051 Now you have my undivided attention. 625 01:03:02,159 --> 01:03:05,945 - What can I do for you? - Get over to the Bookman right away. 626 01:03:06,054 --> 01:03:09,209 He wants to see you. You too. 627 01:03:10,195 --> 01:03:14,136 Who is the Bookman? And what right has he got to order me about? 628 01:03:14,238 --> 01:03:17,338 I think we'd better ask questions later. 629 01:03:17,443 --> 01:03:19,462 Excuse me. 630 01:03:24,543 --> 01:03:28,484 Sorry, guv. No one told me about the stairs. 631 01:03:28,586 --> 01:03:31,531 Why didn't you bring Scotland Yard, Swinburne, 632 01:03:31,643 --> 01:03:34,097 and half the Household Cavalry as well? 633 01:03:34,207 --> 01:03:36,563 What's the bed for? 634 01:03:36,673 --> 01:03:40,416 It's a present for you. That's what he said. 635 01:03:40,519 --> 01:03:43,463 Nothing of the sort. The bed belongs to me. 636 01:03:43,576 --> 01:03:46,086 Except for this knob, which is mine. 637 01:03:46,188 --> 01:03:50,915 Bookman, there's been bad blood between us long enough. 638 01:03:51,021 --> 01:03:54,863 Let this gift begin friendship anew. 639 01:03:54,965 --> 01:03:59,046 - Draw the curtains. Lock the door. - You'll be snug as a bug. 640 01:03:59,157 --> 01:04:03,195 Isn't that the section of the manuscript we've been looking for? 641 01:04:03,298 --> 01:04:07,084 - Who is this person? - Miss Eglantine Price. 642 01:04:07,193 --> 01:04:09,843 A charming young woman of my acquaintance. 643 01:04:09,955 --> 01:04:13,797 Miss Price, I've been looking for this other bit a long time. 644 01:04:13,898 --> 01:04:17,881 Mr Swinburne told me you were in the market making enquiries. 645 01:04:17,991 --> 01:04:23,755 And here we are. I don't mind saying, to see it all together at last... 646 01:04:23,859 --> 01:04:28,486 - There isn't much I wouldn't do. - Or haven't done, for that matter. 647 01:04:28,593 --> 01:04:33,416 - Right, guv? - You'll close your mouth, Swinburne. 648 01:04:33,522 --> 01:04:36,369 Is that clear? 649 01:04:36,481 --> 01:04:42,342 It's all like a jolly detective story or jigsaw puzzle, isn't it? 650 01:04:42,448 --> 01:04:46,331 We're both after the same spell. 651 01:04:46,441 --> 01:04:49,933 You have one clue, I have the other. 652 01:04:50,582 --> 01:04:57,482 Yes, in that case, the sensible thing seems to be for us to cooperate. 653 01:04:58,472 --> 01:05:02,455 I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. 654 01:05:02,564 --> 01:05:04,134 May I? 655 01:05:06,262 --> 01:05:09,908 This is quite a moment for both of us. 656 01:05:12,573 --> 01:05:15,476 "Substitutiary locomotion, 657 01:05:15,581 --> 01:05:20,602 the lost miracle of the ancients." And so on and so forth. 658 01:05:20,708 --> 01:05:22,376 Here we are. 659 01:05:22,484 --> 01:05:27,701 "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words." 660 01:05:27,808 --> 01:05:29,927 "These words are... 661 01:05:30,027 --> 01:05:37,124 engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth." 662 01:05:37,227 --> 01:05:40,031 But where are the words of the spell? 663 01:05:40,135 --> 01:05:43,823 I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript. 664 01:05:43,932 --> 01:05:47,185 I thought they'd be in yours! 665 01:05:47,285 --> 01:05:51,421 Once again, a dead end. 666 01:05:52,906 --> 01:05:55,556 I shall never know the secret. 667 01:05:57,885 --> 01:06:02,808 Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. 668 01:06:02,915 --> 01:06:05,761 Pity it's so small you can't read the writing. 669 01:06:05,873 --> 01:06:09,421 - But why the animals? - Towards the end of his life, 670 01:06:09,522 --> 01:06:11,976 Astoroth kept animals in cages 671 01:06:12,085 --> 01:06:15,970 in search for the spells that would make them more like humans. 672 01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:21,352 The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, 673 01:06:21,454 --> 01:06:26,334 killed Astoroth and stole many of his powers. 674 01:06:26,434 --> 01:06:29,589 Including the star with the spell on it. 675 01:06:29,688 --> 01:06:33,825 Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away 676 01:06:33,928 --> 01:06:36,382 and were never heard of again. 677 01:06:36,492 --> 01:06:41,064 However, there is a final notation in my half of the book 678 01:06:41,176 --> 01:06:44,023 saying that in the 17th century 679 01:06:44,135 --> 01:06:47,724 a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea 680 01:06:47,833 --> 01:06:52,306 half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. 681 01:06:52,418 --> 01:06:59,023 Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals. 682 01:06:59,123 --> 01:07:00,638 Where? 683 01:07:00,751 --> 01:07:06,753 There is, I regret to say, no such island. 684 01:07:06,864 --> 01:07:09,670 I looked for it in every chart. 685 01:07:09,774 --> 01:07:14,051 The Isle of Naboombu does not exist. 686 01:07:14,162 --> 01:07:17,360 It does too! Got my own... 687 01:07:18,649 --> 01:07:21,495 - What is he trying to say? - Nothing! 688 01:07:21,607 --> 01:07:25,099 When he don't say nothing, he mumbles. 689 01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:28,305 I wish the child to speak! 690 01:07:29,595 --> 01:07:34,222 - Now you've done it. - There is too such a place. 691 01:07:35,561 --> 01:07:40,483 Got my own book. There. Real pretty letters, ain't it? 692 01:07:42,562 --> 01:07:45,914 - Let me see it. - You're not interested, Bookman. 693 01:07:46,014 --> 01:07:49,506 - It's just a children's book. - I'll be the judge of that. 694 01:07:49,614 --> 01:07:51,380 - Give it to me. - No. 695 01:07:51,486 --> 01:07:55,329 Please don't annoy me. 696 01:07:55,431 --> 01:07:59,372 - Give me the book, boy. - Not likely. 697 01:08:00,657 --> 01:08:03,952 Bit of a stalemate, isn't it? 698 01:08:08,991 --> 01:08:12,032 If it's all the same to you, I'd rather use my own. 699 01:08:12,146 --> 01:08:15,399 Sentiment, you know. 700 01:08:15,498 --> 01:08:17,954 Come along, Paul. It's time to go. 701 01:08:18,062 --> 01:08:22,844 Go? How, my dear? The door is locked. 702 01:08:22,944 --> 01:08:26,828 Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. 703 01:08:26,938 --> 01:08:30,682 - You will believe no one or anything. - I understand. 704 01:08:30,784 --> 01:08:34,135 - The knob, Paul. - Course you do, my dear. 705 01:08:34,236 --> 01:08:38,315 We can tell them the complete truth. They will believe nothing. 706 01:08:39,265 --> 01:08:41,872 He's up to something, you know. 707 01:08:41,976 --> 01:08:47,347 Before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and the occupants on it 708 01:08:47,449 --> 01:08:49,904 to disappear. 709 01:08:50,013 --> 01:08:54,445 I should like to see a cheap-jack tenth-rate entertainer 710 01:08:54,550 --> 01:08:56,764 do a trick like that. 711 01:08:56,867 --> 01:08:58,829 "Cheap-jack entertainer." 712 01:08:58,938 --> 01:09:01,883 - That was naughty. - All right, Paul. 713 01:09:02,882 --> 01:09:05,139 - Where to? - To the Island of Naboombu. 714 01:09:05,249 --> 01:09:09,190 - I'm very curious about that place. - Good. 715 01:09:09,292 --> 01:09:12,448 Bed, take us to the Island of Naboombu. 716 01:09:19,203 --> 01:09:22,245 Enough of this nonsense! Get the book! 717 01:10:06,044 --> 01:10:09,085 Beastly climate. I never did fancy the sea. 718 01:10:09,594 --> 01:10:13,380 - Where are we? - Naboombu, of course. 719 01:10:13,489 --> 01:10:16,840 I've never seen no island like this before. 720 01:10:16,940 --> 01:10:20,782 I'm afraid we may have fallen into the lagoon. 721 01:10:20,885 --> 01:10:24,964 That's right. Here we are on page three. 722 01:10:32,718 --> 01:10:36,266 Oi, Mr Codfish! 723 01:10:36,366 --> 01:10:41,737 Hello, young fellow! Welcome to Naboombu Lagoon. 724 01:10:42,628 --> 01:10:46,569 Now I'm hearing things. Fish don't talk. 725 01:10:47,313 --> 01:10:49,723 Not too bright, is he? 726 01:10:49,828 --> 01:10:54,258 - He's my brother. - Oh? Sorry. 727 01:10:55,102 --> 01:10:58,259 Mr Codfish, where is the Island of Naboombu? 728 01:10:58,357 --> 01:11:02,143 You mean the land part? Oh, that. 729 01:11:02,252 --> 01:11:05,646 Straight up. You can't miss it. 730 01:11:05,752 --> 01:11:08,502 None of my business, of course, 731 01:11:08,613 --> 01:11:12,693 but I shouldn't go there if I were you. 732 01:11:12,804 --> 01:11:17,431 - Having troubles, they are. - Troubles? 733 01:11:17,537 --> 01:11:21,280 He's right, you know. A lot of trouble. 734 01:11:21,383 --> 01:11:24,425 Trouble or not, we should be getting along. 735 01:11:24,538 --> 01:11:27,834 - I wish to see who is in charge. - What's the rush? 736 01:11:27,940 --> 01:11:31,727 It's really rather splendid down here. For you, my dear. 737 01:11:33,167 --> 01:11:34,892 Thank you. 738 01:11:42,930 --> 01:11:45,285 How pleasant... 739 01:11:45,395 --> 01:11:47,161 Bobbing along 740 01:11:47,269 --> 01:11:54,757 Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 741 01:11:55,602 --> 01:12:00,229 What a chance to get a better peep 742 01:12:00,335 --> 01:12:05,004 At the plants and creatures of the deep 743 01:12:05,117 --> 01:12:08,959 We glide 744 01:12:09,062 --> 01:12:14,138 Far below the rolling tide 745 01:12:15,077 --> 01:12:19,018 Serene 746 01:12:19,121 --> 01:12:24,533 Through the bubbly blue and green 747 01:12:24,643 --> 01:12:27,643 It's lovely bobbing along 748 01:12:28,390 --> 01:12:35,430 Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 749 01:12:36,674 --> 01:12:41,750 What if the octopus, the flounder and the cod 750 01:12:41,851 --> 01:12:43,617 Think we're rather odd? 751 01:12:43,724 --> 01:12:46,725 It's fun to promenade 752 01:12:46,831 --> 01:12:49,733 Bobbing along, singing a song 753 01:12:49,838 --> 01:12:56,584 On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 754 01:12:56,691 --> 01:12:58,108 Look! 755 01:14:50,688 --> 01:14:54,039 It's lovely bobbing along 756 01:14:54,139 --> 01:15:02,512 Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 757 01:15:02,620 --> 01:15:07,542 What a chance to get a better peep 758 01:15:07,649 --> 01:15:12,472 At the plants and creatures of the deep 759 01:15:12,580 --> 01:15:15,777 It's grand 760 01:15:15,883 --> 01:15:20,862 When you're dancing on the sand 761 01:15:22,588 --> 01:15:26,136 Each glance 762 01:15:26,238 --> 01:15:31,216 Bubbles over with romance 763 01:15:31,316 --> 01:15:34,905 It's lovely bobbing along 764 01:15:35,014 --> 01:15:38,014 Bobbing along through the water 765 01:15:38,121 --> 01:15:42,551 Where we get along swimmingly 766 01:15:43,692 --> 01:15:48,965 Far from the frenzy of the frantic world above 767 01:15:49,066 --> 01:15:53,793 - Two beneath the blue - Could even fall in love 768 01:15:53,898 --> 01:15:56,548 Bobbing along, singing a song 769 01:15:56,659 --> 01:16:02,914 On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea 770 01:16:04,302 --> 01:16:07,247 Bobbing along, singing a song 771 01:16:07,359 --> 01:16:14,301 On the bottom of the beautiful briny, shimmery shiny 772 01:16:14,410 --> 01:16:18,840 Beautiful briny sea 773 01:16:21,214 --> 01:16:24,116 Bravo! 774 01:16:24,222 --> 01:16:28,260 Most exciting, most exciting. 775 01:16:29,891 --> 01:16:32,542 You've won the ruddy cup. 776 01:16:59,525 --> 01:17:02,469 Help! 777 01:17:17,177 --> 01:17:21,060 This time I really caught a whopper! 778 01:17:31,327 --> 01:17:36,445 People! Oh, no! 779 01:17:36,553 --> 01:17:38,769 What scurvy luck. 780 01:17:38,870 --> 01:17:42,166 - My goodness! - I'll deal with this, my dear. 781 01:17:42,273 --> 01:17:45,722 - Don't you know that... - Good day, captain. 782 01:17:45,823 --> 01:17:48,726 I used to be a bit of a seafaring man myself. 783 01:17:48,830 --> 01:17:51,775 Many's the time I've shipped out of Portsmouth. 784 01:17:51,887 --> 01:17:54,888 Delighted to meet a fellow mariner. 785 01:17:56,818 --> 01:17:59,033 Now stow it, mate. 786 01:17:59,136 --> 01:18:03,805 - Oh, really! - Can't you read reading? 787 01:18:05,447 --> 01:18:11,112 It says... "No peopling allowed." 788 01:18:13,385 --> 01:18:16,975 - Ridiculous! - Don't antagonise him, Mr Browne. 789 01:18:17,083 --> 01:18:23,043 That means I've got to throw you all back. That's what to do. 790 01:18:23,147 --> 01:18:28,364 Wait it minute! It says here that anybody can see the king. 791 01:18:28,473 --> 01:18:32,553 - And that's the law. - Where do it say that? 792 01:18:32,664 --> 01:18:34,977 Here in my book. 793 01:18:36,559 --> 01:18:39,013 So it do. 794 01:18:41,737 --> 01:18:44,682 But if you people knew what was good for you, 795 01:18:44,793 --> 01:18:49,028 you'd get yourselves all throwed back. 796 01:18:49,132 --> 01:18:52,525 The king don't like people! 797 01:18:52,928 --> 01:18:58,047 Nonetheless, we must see the king on an urgent personal matter. 798 01:18:58,155 --> 01:19:00,273 Please lead the way. 799 01:19:01,902 --> 01:19:06,475 But just don't say I didn't warn you. See? 800 01:19:08,016 --> 01:19:10,569 Follow me. 801 01:19:38,586 --> 01:19:41,531 Get out of here! 802 01:19:50,519 --> 01:19:55,693 Yes. What can I do for you? 803 01:19:55,795 --> 01:19:59,832 I caught some people down at the sea lagoon. 804 01:19:59,936 --> 01:20:02,881 They want to see the king. 805 01:20:02,993 --> 01:20:09,499 Really? Well, we can't be bothered with that sort of thing now, can we? 806 01:20:12,657 --> 01:20:14,774 I don't know that I fancy this. 807 01:20:15,763 --> 01:20:19,410 His Majesty is in a frightful rage. 808 01:20:20,546 --> 01:20:23,701 Excuse me, sir. As an all-round entertainer, 809 01:20:23,800 --> 01:20:28,077 I am considered not without talent. Perhaps I can cheer him up. 810 01:20:28,188 --> 01:20:33,209 No, no. You don't understand. 811 01:20:33,317 --> 01:20:35,671 As everyone knows, 812 01:20:35,781 --> 01:20:41,546 His Majesty is the world's greatest soccer player. 813 01:20:47,368 --> 01:20:50,368 But due to a technical problem, 814 01:20:50,474 --> 01:20:54,513 the Royal Cup match cannot take place today. 815 01:20:54,617 --> 01:20:59,147 And His Majesty had so set his heart on it! 816 01:20:59,251 --> 01:21:05,702 Throw these... creatures back into the sea. 817 01:21:06,450 --> 01:21:08,861 Aye, aye, sir. 818 01:21:08,965 --> 01:21:11,867 Just a moment! I can help! 819 01:21:11,972 --> 01:21:16,305 Do you really think so? I'd be most grateful. 820 01:21:16,410 --> 01:21:19,608 Do you know soccer? 821 01:21:19,713 --> 01:21:22,322 Do I know anything about soccer? 822 01:21:22,425 --> 01:21:26,071 Why, I was captain of Tottenham Hotspurs for two years. 823 01:21:26,172 --> 01:21:28,823 Three seasons with Manchester United... 824 01:21:28,934 --> 01:21:31,148 Yes, yes. You'll do. 825 01:21:31,251 --> 01:21:34,293 Come this way, please. 826 01:21:34,801 --> 01:21:38,587 Mr Browne, are you certain you'll be all right? 827 01:21:44,859 --> 01:21:47,411 Now what? 828 01:21:47,522 --> 01:21:50,173 Not an ideal person in many respects, 829 01:21:50,283 --> 01:21:53,930 but Mr Browne is a very brave man. 830 01:21:59,701 --> 01:22:01,524 Do you think he's done for? 831 01:22:08,280 --> 01:22:10,986 Do you think so? 832 01:22:16,120 --> 01:22:21,631 I can't tell you how I appreciate this. 833 01:22:21,740 --> 01:22:26,172 For some reason we have great difficulty 834 01:22:26,276 --> 01:22:31,157 finding referees round here. 835 01:22:31,256 --> 01:22:35,141 If there be one thing we like, 836 01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:40,566 it's volunteers, eh, Birdy? 837 01:22:44,323 --> 01:22:47,028 He's a proper king! Look at his crown! 838 01:22:47,133 --> 01:22:50,386 What's he got round his neck? 839 01:22:51,373 --> 01:22:55,510 What a magnificent... ornament, sire. 840 01:22:55,614 --> 01:22:59,161 Ah, yes. 841 01:22:59,262 --> 01:23:03,988 Wouldn't be without it. Been in the family for years. 842 01:23:04,094 --> 01:23:07,292 The Star of Astoroth! 843 01:23:10,109 --> 01:23:14,386 You're to sit in His Majesty's royal box. 844 01:23:14,498 --> 01:23:18,873 No littering, no chewing, no fruit or wrappers or sweets. Please. 845 01:23:31,164 --> 01:23:34,164 Rise, please. 846 01:23:36,439 --> 01:23:39,089 Loyal fans, 847 01:23:39,200 --> 01:23:43,042 this is official. 848 01:23:43,145 --> 01:23:49,553 We have a volunteer referee. 849 01:24:04,840 --> 01:24:09,173 Let the match begin! 850 01:24:11,989 --> 01:24:14,695 He's still wearing it! 851 01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:17,898 Right, Dirty Yellows, let's have a clean game. 852 01:24:21,653 --> 01:24:24,359 Right, True Blues, best foot forward. 853 01:25:08,001 --> 01:25:10,609 Weird sort of game they play here. 854 01:25:58,490 --> 01:26:01,393 Hurry up! Get rid of it! 855 01:26:27,580 --> 01:26:29,305 Gracious! 856 01:26:30,539 --> 01:26:34,913 You're doing fine, matey. 857 01:26:40,006 --> 01:26:44,086 Move it around. 858 01:26:46,169 --> 01:26:48,384 Get on with the match! 859 01:27:08,949 --> 01:27:11,066 - Foul! - They're only animals. 860 01:27:11,167 --> 01:27:14,323 That's no excuse for dirty football. 861 01:27:48,443 --> 01:27:50,953 Ref, are you blind? 862 01:27:51,057 --> 01:27:54,940 Be quiet, Charles! Don't forget who the referee is! 863 01:28:19,210 --> 01:28:22,561 - Don't they have no rules? - Course they do. 864 01:28:22,662 --> 01:28:25,017 The king makes them up as he goes along. 865 01:29:17,391 --> 01:29:20,939 Poor Mr Browne. Do you think he's all right? 866 01:29:22,322 --> 01:29:24,536 Well, he's moving. 867 01:29:25,231 --> 01:29:28,820 Steady, matey. Move it around. 868 01:29:38,051 --> 01:29:40,799 He almost had it then. 869 01:30:02,851 --> 01:30:06,049 Looks like he's done for this time. 870 01:30:28,392 --> 01:30:33,370 Don't just stand there! Head it in! 871 01:31:17,845 --> 01:31:24,200 Stop... that... ball! 872 01:32:05,919 --> 01:32:08,233 Goal! 873 01:32:09,864 --> 01:32:13,412 Game's over. I win. 874 01:32:20,465 --> 01:32:23,563 Let me give you a hand, matey. 875 01:32:23,670 --> 01:32:27,260 That's quite all right, Your Majesty. Thank you so much. 876 01:32:27,367 --> 01:32:30,817 Please, let me help you on with your robe. 877 01:32:30,917 --> 01:32:33,821 Why, yes. Thank you. 878 01:32:33,925 --> 01:32:37,024 Can't have you catching cold, sire, can we? 879 01:32:37,131 --> 01:32:39,093 Why, no. 880 01:32:39,201 --> 01:32:42,791 Have you ever heard of something called the gypsy switch? 881 01:32:42,899 --> 01:32:45,508 No, can't say that I have. 882 01:32:45,610 --> 01:32:48,065 Remind me to tell you about it some time. 883 01:32:48,175 --> 01:32:51,078 I can't tell you when we've had such a good time. 884 01:32:51,182 --> 01:32:55,516 We'll carry your memory in our hearts for a long while. 885 01:32:55,620 --> 01:32:58,326 I think it's time to leave. 886 01:32:59,811 --> 01:33:01,872 Must you go? 887 01:33:01,981 --> 01:33:04,630 Must be dashing. Marvellous game. 888 01:33:04,741 --> 01:33:06,998 Lovely to see you. Goodbye. 889 01:33:11,496 --> 01:33:14,653 Friendly lot. 890 01:33:14,751 --> 01:33:21,062 Don't mind them visiting. Wouldn't want them living here. 891 01:33:24,168 --> 01:33:27,562 - Come along, children. - Hurry up. 892 01:33:34,572 --> 01:33:39,242 Stop gibbering! What's the matter with you? 893 01:33:39,749 --> 01:33:42,553 Your Royal Star! 894 01:33:42,658 --> 01:33:46,247 They've stolen your Royal Star! 895 01:33:48,970 --> 01:33:51,619 Don't be ridiculous. 896 01:33:51,730 --> 01:33:54,339 What do you think this is? 897 01:34:03,071 --> 01:34:10,798 Why didn't you say so? 898 01:34:11,699 --> 01:34:14,953 Paul, put the knob on the bed. 899 01:34:17,567 --> 01:34:24,565 At last the magic words. Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee. 900 01:34:24,668 --> 01:34:27,513 I'll keep it. Women always lose things. 901 01:34:33,542 --> 01:34:36,291 - Hurry, Paul! The knob! - It's stuck! 902 01:34:39,361 --> 01:34:43,301 - I suppose I'd better do something. - Please do. Quick. 903 01:34:45,573 --> 01:34:48,027 Got it. 904 01:34:51,292 --> 01:34:53,746 Filigree, apogee, pedigree... 905 01:34:58,738 --> 01:35:02,916 Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work. 906 01:35:34,041 --> 01:35:37,041 I shall never get used to this thing. 907 01:35:37,147 --> 01:35:40,442 Will you push the bed back into place, please? 908 01:35:40,549 --> 01:35:43,705 I think we could all do with a nice cup of tea. 909 01:35:43,803 --> 01:35:47,197 No time. I've gone to a lot of trouble to find this spell. 910 01:35:47,304 --> 01:35:50,207 I'm going to try it immediately. 911 01:35:51,298 --> 01:35:55,434 Mr Browne, kindly let me have your shoes, please. 912 01:35:56,919 --> 01:36:00,017 - Fine. - What's the shoes for? 913 01:36:00,124 --> 01:36:03,868 If you'd been paying attention I should think you'd be aware 914 01:36:03,969 --> 01:36:08,990 that substitutiary locomotion is the art of causing inanimate objects 915 01:36:09,098 --> 01:36:12,884 to take on a life force of their own. 916 01:36:12,993 --> 01:36:16,485 I must have inanimate objects to experiment with. 917 01:36:16,593 --> 01:36:18,710 Makes sense, don't it? 918 01:36:19,797 --> 01:36:23,738 Stand back, everyone. I need plenty of room. 919 01:36:29,412 --> 01:36:33,001 I want you all to be absolutely quiet. 920 01:36:34,046 --> 01:36:37,594 Mr Browne, you have the Star of Astoroth, I believe. 921 01:36:37,695 --> 01:36:40,541 Oh, yes. It's in my nice clean hanky. 922 01:36:48,986 --> 01:36:51,047 It's all right, Mr Browne. 923 01:36:51,155 --> 01:36:54,311 I should have realised that it would be impossible 924 01:36:54,410 --> 01:36:57,255 to take an object from one world into another. 925 01:37:02,841 --> 01:37:07,511 If only I would have had the sense to remember the words on that star. 926 01:37:07,624 --> 01:37:12,798 - I know the words. - Don't bother her. She's thinking. 927 01:37:12,899 --> 01:37:16,293 Why don't you and I nip out and get something for supper? 928 01:37:16,401 --> 01:37:20,341 And I might conceivably call into the pub for a pint 929 01:37:20,444 --> 01:37:22,953 to steady my nerves. 930 01:37:24,585 --> 01:37:28,034 I do know the words, Miss Price. 931 01:37:28,135 --> 01:37:31,782 How can you know the words when Miss Price doesn't? 932 01:37:34,594 --> 01:37:39,474 Troop movements and massing of barges in French and Dutch ports. 933 01:37:39,575 --> 01:37:42,225 The prime minister has told the nation 934 01:37:42,335 --> 01:37:45,729 to be on the alert for signs of a possible invasion. 935 01:37:45,836 --> 01:37:47,996 That was the news. 936 01:37:48,104 --> 01:37:51,203 I might have been able to do something about this. 937 01:37:51,309 --> 01:37:53,524 It's out of your hands now, my dear. 938 01:37:53,627 --> 01:37:57,075 If only I could have remembered those words. It's maddening. 939 01:37:57,670 --> 01:38:00,278 Why don't someone ask me? 940 01:38:00,382 --> 01:38:05,949 Come off it, Paul. You can't remember those kind of words. 941 01:38:06,051 --> 01:38:13,091 You mean like "Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee"? 942 01:38:17,787 --> 01:38:20,395 - How do you know that? - Easy. 943 01:38:20,499 --> 01:38:23,499 Says so right here in my book. 944 01:38:27,796 --> 01:38:31,933 You mean it was there in your book all the time? 945 01:38:32,035 --> 01:38:34,785 Yeah. But nobody ever listens to me. 946 01:38:36,573 --> 01:38:40,120 Treguna mekoides 947 01:38:40,961 --> 01:38:44,354 trecorum satis dee. 948 01:38:46,433 --> 01:38:48,789 Nothing happened! 949 01:38:51,314 --> 01:38:53,333 Am I doing something wrong? 950 01:38:53,435 --> 01:38:56,280 Well, it does seem a bit old-fashioned. 951 01:38:56,393 --> 01:38:59,492 After all, we are in the 20th century. 952 01:39:00,831 --> 01:39:03,929 - What do you suggest? - It needs rhythm. Tempo. 953 01:39:04,035 --> 01:39:07,583 Music. As I always say, do it with a flair. 954 01:39:07,685 --> 01:39:10,630 - Do you mind if I have a go? - Of course not. 955 01:39:10,741 --> 01:39:15,410 Come along, you lot! We need all the help we can get. 956 01:39:15,524 --> 01:39:20,741 Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee. 957 01:39:25,730 --> 01:39:30,161 Substitutiary locomotion 958 01:39:30,266 --> 01:39:35,637 Mystic power that's far beyond the wildest notion 959 01:39:35,740 --> 01:39:41,405 It's so weird, so feared, yet wonderful to see 960 01:39:41,509 --> 01:39:45,982 Substitutiary locomotion come to me 961 01:39:48,164 --> 01:39:49,790 Now! 962 01:39:52,602 --> 01:39:57,678 Treguna mekoides 963 01:39:57,779 --> 01:40:01,762 trecorum satis dee. 964 01:40:13,902 --> 01:40:19,414 I don't want locomotiary substitution 965 01:40:19,524 --> 01:40:24,304 Or remote intransecory convolution 966 01:40:24,405 --> 01:40:29,522 Only one precise solution is the key 967 01:40:29,631 --> 01:40:34,357 Substitutiary locomotion it must be 968 01:41:05,674 --> 01:41:10,455 Substitutiary locomotion 969 01:41:10,555 --> 01:41:15,632 Lovely substitutiary locomotion 970 01:41:15,732 --> 01:41:20,711 You've made substitutiary history 971 01:41:20,811 --> 01:41:25,929 With treguna mekoides and a little help from me 972 01:41:26,037 --> 01:41:31,352 - With treguna mekoides and... - Trecorum satis dee 973 01:41:49,063 --> 01:41:52,218 Mr Browne, what is going on here? 974 01:41:52,318 --> 01:41:55,024 I haven't the foggiest. 975 01:41:55,128 --> 01:41:57,932 How do you do? 976 01:41:58,037 --> 01:41:59,550 Shall we? 977 01:41:59,664 --> 01:42:02,959 - That's my nightgown! - Is it really, my dear? 978 01:42:03,066 --> 01:42:05,675 I'm not responsible for its behaviour. 979 01:42:05,778 --> 01:42:08,526 Obviously not, my dear. 980 01:42:10,856 --> 01:42:13,801 Paul, what on earth are you doing? 981 01:42:13,913 --> 01:42:16,858 Having a jolly good time, that's what. 982 01:42:17,661 --> 01:42:21,209 - How can we stop all this? - Must we? It's most agreeable. 983 01:42:21,309 --> 01:42:22,880 But we must do something. 984 01:42:22,985 --> 01:42:25,930 Didn't I give you my all-purpose cut-off spell? 985 01:42:26,042 --> 01:42:28,161 - Lesson number eight. - Eight. 986 01:42:28,261 --> 01:42:32,146 - Yes, number eight I think it was. - Oi! My Sunday trousers! 987 01:42:37,975 --> 01:42:41,368 Buzz off, old chap. Find your own dancing partner. 988 01:42:57,451 --> 01:42:59,961 Be careful, Carrie! Slow down! 989 01:43:08,397 --> 01:43:11,692 Mr Browne, will you please control your shoes? 990 01:43:11,799 --> 01:43:15,978 Dear lady, I very much fear that we have nothing under control. 991 01:43:40,150 --> 01:43:42,562 Do you mind? 992 01:44:03,176 --> 01:44:07,256 Now, who would like some more of my lovely sausages and mash? 993 01:44:07,367 --> 01:44:10,270 - No more for me, thank you. - Carrie? 994 01:44:10,374 --> 01:44:13,278 I've already had two helpings. 995 01:44:13,383 --> 01:44:15,991 - I'm full. - Me, too. 996 01:44:17,919 --> 01:44:20,723 At least somebody wants some. 997 01:44:26,055 --> 01:44:31,075 Cheer up, my dear. This should be something of a celebration. 998 01:44:31,182 --> 01:44:35,614 I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be much to celebrate. 999 01:44:35,718 --> 01:44:40,499 - I still haven't mastered that spell. - Of course you have. 1000 01:44:40,600 --> 01:44:44,442 You just need a little more practice. 1001 01:44:44,544 --> 01:44:47,292 - Do you really think so? - No doubt about it. 1002 01:44:47,403 --> 01:44:50,404 Meantime, there's nothing to liven the spirits 1003 01:44:50,510 --> 01:44:53,510 like a little master juggling. Right, Charlie? 1004 01:44:53,617 --> 01:44:56,616 Go on then, guv! Give us some juggling! 1005 01:45:05,153 --> 01:45:10,272 Very few better than me at this. All you need is 20 years' practice 1006 01:45:10,380 --> 01:45:13,479 and a touch of genius. 1007 01:45:25,172 --> 01:45:27,823 Never happened to me before. 1008 01:45:27,934 --> 01:45:32,112 I don't usually juggle with cats under my feet. 1009 01:45:35,132 --> 01:45:37,347 Look! She's laughing! 1010 01:45:58,897 --> 01:46:02,150 - Mrs Hobday. Do come in. - I can't stop, my dear. 1011 01:46:02,251 --> 01:46:05,743 I've just come by to bring you the good news. 1012 01:46:05,849 --> 01:46:09,538 Mr Bistlethwaite, who brings the milk, you know? 1013 01:46:09,646 --> 01:46:12,156 He's promised to take the children in! 1014 01:46:12,259 --> 01:46:16,887 He and his wife have got that farm. Just the place for growing children. 1015 01:46:16,992 --> 01:46:20,190 Put a bit of colour back in their cheeks. 1016 01:46:20,297 --> 01:46:24,237 Why, what's the matter? I thought you'd be pleased. 1017 01:46:24,340 --> 01:46:28,967 You told me yourself that you had no time to take care of children. 1018 01:46:30,552 --> 01:46:34,788 Circumstances have changed somewhat. 1019 01:46:34,892 --> 01:46:38,678 We got a dad now. Mr Browne. 1020 01:46:38,787 --> 01:46:43,455 - Paul! - Miss Price, is this true? 1021 01:46:43,569 --> 01:46:48,939 Of course. You do want him to stay with us, don't you, Miss Price? 1022 01:46:51,064 --> 01:46:54,162 I suppose I hadn't really thought about it. 1023 01:46:54,268 --> 01:46:58,644 What about him? What do you say about it, Mr Browne? 1024 01:47:00,826 --> 01:47:05,805 It's all rather sudden! I don't quite know what to say. 1025 01:47:06,940 --> 01:47:09,394 Then I'll leave you two to talk it over. 1026 01:47:09,504 --> 01:47:13,291 I'll come back in the morning! Good night! 1027 01:47:20,647 --> 01:47:26,116 It is true, Mr Browne. You are going to be our father now, aren't you? 1028 01:47:30,262 --> 01:47:34,497 We are rather rushing things, aren't we? 1029 01:47:36,277 --> 01:47:41,101 Perhaps Mr Browne has other things besides you children to think about. 1030 01:47:44,857 --> 01:47:48,404 Yes. As a matter of fact I should have left ages ago. 1031 01:47:48,505 --> 01:47:52,053 I must get a train back to London tonight. 1032 01:47:52,154 --> 01:47:55,309 It's rather an important matter. 1033 01:47:55,408 --> 01:47:59,980 I'd like to tell you about it, but it's a little bit hush-hush. 1034 01:48:00,092 --> 01:48:02,012 Sort of a secret. 1035 01:48:04,431 --> 01:48:08,273 Well... if... 1036 01:48:08,376 --> 01:48:13,845 If I've been any sort of help to you, I'm pleased. 1037 01:48:14,243 --> 01:48:17,341 You've been immensely kind. Thank you. 1038 01:48:18,236 --> 01:48:21,393 I've enjoyed being with you. 1039 01:48:21,491 --> 01:48:24,141 Perhaps it's been good for all of us. 1040 01:48:24,252 --> 01:48:26,607 Will you be coming back? 1041 01:48:26,717 --> 01:48:30,896 Some day, my dear. I certainly hope that we shall meet again. 1042 01:48:31,007 --> 01:48:35,243 Some day. When all this war business is over. 1043 01:48:36,677 --> 01:48:40,913 - I see. - Perhaps I shall realise my dream. 1044 01:48:41,017 --> 01:48:45,447 Eglantine and Emelius: Illusionists extraordinary! 1045 01:48:45,553 --> 01:48:48,398 Just think how that will look on the poster. 1046 01:48:49,891 --> 01:48:52,542 The children are going to miss you. 1047 01:48:55,019 --> 01:48:58,061 - You really think they will? - Yes. 1048 01:48:58,815 --> 01:49:02,602 Well, I shall miss you. All of you. 1049 01:49:07,050 --> 01:49:10,051 If I don't go now you might never get rid of me. 1050 01:49:13,460 --> 01:49:15,717 Goodbye, Carrie. 1051 01:49:16,517 --> 01:49:21,185 - Must you really go? - I think it's best for everybody. 1052 01:49:21,299 --> 01:49:25,478 - Goodbye, Paul. - I think you should be our father. 1053 01:49:26,377 --> 01:49:28,144 Goodbye, Charlie. 1054 01:49:28,251 --> 01:49:31,351 Do you want me to come down to the station with you? 1055 01:49:31,456 --> 01:49:37,458 No, no. You stay here and look after everybody. 1056 01:49:40,775 --> 01:49:45,052 - Goodbye, Miss Price. - Goodbye, Mr Browne. 1057 01:50:45,465 --> 01:50:49,938 - When is the next train to London? - Lord bless ye, ain't no train. 1058 01:50:50,050 --> 01:50:53,050 Not until milk job, 4 a.m. Tomorrow morning. 1059 01:50:53,157 --> 01:50:56,943 - Mind if I await it here? - Suit yourself. Good night, sir. 1060 01:50:57,052 --> 01:50:59,660 Good night. 1061 01:51:25,057 --> 01:51:27,763 Out you go, Cosmic. 1062 01:51:36,595 --> 01:51:38,516 Hello? 1063 01:51:57,650 --> 01:52:01,533 Emelius Browne, do you know you could be warm and cosy 1064 01:52:01,643 --> 01:52:04,447 in that house at this very moment? 1065 01:52:04,552 --> 01:52:09,768 For once in your useless life, you really seem to have been needed. 1066 01:52:09,877 --> 01:52:13,369 You're a failure, Emelius Browne, 1067 01:52:13,476 --> 01:52:15,790 and a coward. 1068 01:52:17,421 --> 01:52:21,895 No, Fräulein, this is not the invasion, just a little exercise. 1069 01:52:22,007 --> 01:52:27,082 A minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. 1070 01:52:27,184 --> 01:52:29,791 When you English get it through your head 1071 01:52:29,895 --> 01:52:33,975 that the German forces can land whenever and wherever we please, 1072 01:52:34,086 --> 01:52:36,990 perhaps you will consider reasonable peace. 1073 01:52:37,094 --> 01:52:40,193 Not bloody likely! 1074 01:52:40,298 --> 01:52:43,202 Go on, Miss Price. Do it to him. 1075 01:52:43,307 --> 01:52:46,799 I must say, it's very tempting. 1076 01:52:46,906 --> 01:52:52,122 Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a white rabbit? 1077 01:52:54,795 --> 01:52:59,325 I said, how would you feel about being turned into a white rabbit? 1078 01:53:01,254 --> 01:53:03,119 Be quiet, please. 1079 01:53:06,924 --> 01:53:09,575 Filigree, apogee, epogee... 1080 01:53:11,756 --> 01:53:16,033 - Not again! - Your memory, Miss Price. 1081 01:53:18,807 --> 01:53:22,159 Would you kindly fetch my notebook from the workroom? 1082 01:53:22,258 --> 01:53:23,633 Righto. 1083 01:53:29,211 --> 01:53:32,155 Silence! 1084 01:53:33,303 --> 01:53:35,167 We have work to do. 1085 01:53:35,275 --> 01:53:38,430 I am sorry, but I must send all of you some place 1086 01:53:38,530 --> 01:53:41,278 where you will no longer be a nuisance. 1087 01:53:54,406 --> 01:53:57,800 As the words sell the tune 1088 01:53:57,906 --> 01:54:00,949 And the moonbeams the moon 1089 01:54:01,063 --> 01:54:06,475 All I need to succeed in my plan 1090 01:54:07,818 --> 01:54:14,520 Is a champion rare with a flourish and a flair 1091 01:54:57,616 --> 01:54:59,635 Eglantine! 1092 01:56:45,203 --> 01:56:49,339 Where's the spell for rabbits? The easiest of all, she said. 1093 01:56:51,465 --> 01:56:56,092 Confound it, can't women ever learn to file things properly? 1094 01:57:03,248 --> 01:57:04,467 Here it is. 1095 01:57:04,580 --> 01:57:09,053 Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee. That's it. 1096 01:57:15,329 --> 01:57:17,783 Filigree... 1097 01:57:17,892 --> 01:57:21,833 apogee, pedigree, perigee. 1098 01:57:30,318 --> 01:57:36,319 Come along. For once in your life, you've got to believe in something. 1099 01:57:36,432 --> 01:57:38,352 That's it. Good lad. 1100 01:57:39,784 --> 01:57:45,253 Filigree, apogee, pedigree, perigee. 1101 01:58:20,116 --> 01:58:24,843 What's the use of putting us in that draughty castle? 1102 01:58:24,949 --> 01:58:26,911 It's quite chilly. 1103 01:58:27,020 --> 01:58:31,998 The colonel believes when a British female decides to become a nuisance, 1104 01:58:32,099 --> 01:58:35,197 she can become the greatest nuisance in the world, 1105 01:58:35,304 --> 01:58:38,402 and I'm inclined to agree with him. 1106 01:58:39,199 --> 01:58:41,119 You need a lesson in manners. 1107 01:58:41,220 --> 01:58:45,455 If I had my notebook, I'd make certain you'd learn a few. 1108 01:59:02,914 --> 01:59:05,228 Jumping Jehosophat! More Jerries! 1109 01:59:19,087 --> 01:59:22,088 Take it easy, can't you? 1110 01:59:22,193 --> 01:59:25,138 - Try holding your breath. - I am holding it. 1111 01:59:25,250 --> 01:59:29,625 We could strip him down and grease him with soap. 1112 01:59:29,737 --> 01:59:35,149 No, it's no good. We can't do it. 1113 01:59:35,259 --> 01:59:38,708 I could have told you that in the first place. 1114 01:59:41,719 --> 01:59:46,640 If we can't get Paul out we'll just have to think of something else. 1115 01:59:46,748 --> 01:59:49,945 What about that spell that makes things move about? 1116 01:59:50,052 --> 01:59:54,286 - But I'd need weapons. - How about all these things? 1117 01:59:56,165 --> 01:59:59,321 I'm afraid they're a bit ancient. 1118 02:00:00,898 --> 02:00:05,077 - Where did this come from? - It's Mr Browne! 1119 02:00:05,188 --> 02:00:09,424 He's on his way to London. 1120 02:00:10,119 --> 02:00:11,338 Mr Browne? 1121 02:00:14,014 --> 02:00:18,094 If you are Mr Browne, would you get off my lap? 1122 02:00:19,586 --> 02:00:23,078 It is Mr Browne! 1123 02:00:24,369 --> 02:00:27,664 It is you! 1124 02:00:27,770 --> 02:00:31,066 You didn't think that I could do that spell, did you? 1125 02:00:31,172 --> 02:00:35,645 I am glad to see you! But what about all these Germans? 1126 02:00:35,758 --> 02:00:39,699 What's wrong with the substitutiary locomotion spell? 1127 02:00:39,801 --> 02:00:43,152 - That ought to be useful. - It isn't ready yet. 1128 02:00:43,253 --> 02:00:46,351 - You saw what happened. - We have to chance it. 1129 02:00:46,458 --> 02:00:50,888 We can't let these so-and-sos get away with their beastly little raid. 1130 02:00:50,994 --> 02:00:54,682 Won't you get up off the floor? We'll go to work. 1131 02:01:17,225 --> 02:01:19,635 - Jolly good luck, my dear. - Thank you. 1132 02:01:19,739 --> 02:01:22,488 Let's hope you haven't forgotten the spell. 1133 02:01:22,599 --> 02:01:25,305 - Not this time. - Found this in the castle. 1134 02:01:25,410 --> 02:01:29,153 Probably not magic, but it might make you feel more at home. 1135 02:01:29,255 --> 02:01:32,354 Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you. 1136 02:01:32,460 --> 02:01:35,306 Let's get out of Miss Price's way. 1137 02:01:43,653 --> 02:01:47,004 Treguna... 1138 02:01:47,104 --> 02:01:50,890 mekoides... 1139 02:01:50,999 --> 02:01:53,117 trecorum... 1140 02:01:54,549 --> 02:01:58,826 satis dee. 1141 02:02:23,887 --> 02:02:26,101 Look! 1142 02:05:53,930 --> 02:05:56,188 Sound the advance! 1143 02:06:01,523 --> 02:06:03,683 Just in time for the kick-off. 1144 02:06:43,828 --> 02:06:45,651 Steady on the left. 1145 02:06:47,526 --> 02:06:52,349 Victory for England and St George! 1146 02:06:54,281 --> 02:06:56,399 Like a Lord Mayor's show! 1147 02:06:56,500 --> 02:06:58,813 Pikemen, hold your distance. 1148 02:06:58,916 --> 02:07:03,095 Treguna mekoides 1149 02:07:03,206 --> 02:07:07,286 and trecorum satis dee 1150 02:07:45,609 --> 02:07:47,628 Blimey! 1151 02:08:26,829 --> 02:08:30,671 - Where's it coming from? - Sounds like the sea road, sir. 1152 02:08:30,774 --> 02:08:33,774 Come on, lads! After me. 1153 02:10:25,756 --> 02:10:28,405 Good shooting, bowmen! 1154 02:10:36,899 --> 02:10:40,685 Well caught, sir. Very good. 1155 02:10:50,457 --> 02:10:53,066 Knock his block off! That's it! 1156 02:10:53,169 --> 02:10:57,054 Mr Browne, make those children take cover! 1157 02:12:17,631 --> 02:12:22,609 Are you still there, Colonel? I thought you'd be on your way by now. 1158 02:12:26,605 --> 02:12:31,879 You see? Things may not be so easy for you after all. 1159 02:12:46,277 --> 02:12:48,396 Goodbye, Colonel! 1160 02:13:45,987 --> 02:13:47,655 Eglantine. 1161 02:13:49,192 --> 02:13:50,959 Dear Mr Browne. 1162 02:13:51,066 --> 02:13:56,045 - We thought they'd damaged you. - See? No one can hurt Miss Price. 1163 02:13:58,463 --> 02:14:03,090 There they are, lads! I said something was afoot! 1164 02:14:03,196 --> 02:14:06,238 All right. Drive them into the sea. 1165 02:14:06,351 --> 02:14:09,197 Firing positions. Both sides. 1166 02:14:16,261 --> 02:14:19,711 All right, men. Hold your fire. 1167 02:14:23,707 --> 02:14:26,749 I think we've taught the Hun a lesson. 1168 02:14:26,863 --> 02:14:30,705 He'll think twice before coming back here again. 1169 02:14:32,385 --> 02:14:38,149 It's tragic. All your spells, your equipment. All gone. 1170 02:14:38,252 --> 02:14:42,725 Still, I was able to perform some small service first. 1171 02:14:43,676 --> 02:14:47,855 That mean you ain't gonna be a witch no more? Never? 1172 02:14:47,966 --> 02:14:52,944 No, Paul. I realised some time ago that I could never be a proper witch. 1173 02:14:53,044 --> 02:14:57,616 Was it that first magic moment when you laid eyes on me? 1174 02:14:57,728 --> 02:15:03,002 No. It was the day my poisoned dragon's liver arrived. 1175 02:15:03,102 --> 02:15:08,515 I knew that anyone who felt the way I did about poisoned dragon's liver 1176 02:15:08,625 --> 02:15:12,172 had no business being a witch. 1177 02:15:21,445 --> 02:15:25,090 - Certain you're doing the right thing? - Well, I think so. 1178 02:15:25,192 --> 02:15:28,094 It's much too dangerous being a civilian. 1179 02:15:28,199 --> 02:15:30,456 Take care of yourself, guv. 1180 02:15:30,566 --> 02:15:35,096 I'll do that. And I'll be back before you've grown an inch taller. 1181 02:15:35,200 --> 02:15:39,281 - We'll be together again. - Sounds like you have an escort. 1182 02:15:46,492 --> 02:15:49,142 Well, here we go. 1183 02:16:11,983 --> 02:16:15,531 - Permission to move off, sir. - Carry on, sergeant. 1184 02:16:17,998 --> 02:16:20,998 Parade, by the right, 1185 02:16:21,105 --> 02:16:23,811 quick march! 1186 02:16:36,587 --> 02:16:42,939 Suppose that's it. We ain't gonna have no fun no more. 1187 02:16:43,046 --> 02:16:45,696 Still got this, ain't I? 1188 02:16:54,929 --> 02:16:59,809 Call out the navy, call out the ranks 1189 02:16:59,908 --> 02:17:05,084 Call out the air force, call out the tanks 1190 02:17:05,184 --> 02:17:09,517 From the cliffs of Dover call up the gulls 1191 02:17:09,622 --> 02:17:14,404 And don't forget the loyal territorials 1192 02:17:14,503 --> 02:17:20,364 But who's digging in here? Who will defend 1193 02:17:20,470 --> 02:17:25,448 Every inch of England, no matter what they send? 1194 02:17:25,548 --> 02:17:30,175 Who's standing firm in our own front yard? 1195 02:17:30,282 --> 02:17:34,950 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard, that's who 1196 02:17:35,063 --> 02:17:41,866 The soldiers of the Old Home Guard