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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[CHATTER]
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[ ♪♪ ELGAR, "POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE NO. 1
IN D MAJOR"]
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LELAINA: And they wonder
why those of us in our 20s
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refuse to work an 80-hour week
just so we can afford to buy
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their BMWs, why we
aren't interested
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in the counterculture
that they invented,
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as if we did not see them
disembowel their revolution
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for a pair of running shoes.
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[MAN CHEERING]
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But the question remains,
what are we going to do now?
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How can we repair all
the damage we inherited?
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Fellow graduates,
the answer is simple.
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The answer is-- the answer is--
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I don't know.
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[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
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[ ♪♪ GARY GLITTER,
"ROCK 'N ROLL PART II"]
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Good save, Lelaina.
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I'm not a valedictorian,
but I play one on TV.
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We all know you slept
your way to the podium.
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[ ♪♪ GARY GLITTER,
"ROCK 'N ROLL PART II"]
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
Hey!
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My favorite part
about graduating now
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will be dodging my
student loan officer
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for the rest of my life.
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He will be in cahoots
with the Columbia
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record and tape company
guy, who's been after my ass
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for years.
- Troy Dyer?
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- Mhm?
- I brought you back a souvenir.
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Ha, ha.
- Aha.
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SAMMY: You know, you can still
go back next year and graduate,
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still get your BFA.
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Oh, can I?
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And then I can hang
this on my, uh, rearview
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mirror to brag to
all my good buddies
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back home that I graduated.
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Well, I'm through with
the whole life drama.
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[ ♪♪ GARY GLITTER,
"ROCK 'N ROLL PART II"]
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Hey!
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Well, I know this
sounds cornball, but, um,
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I'd like to somehow make a
difference in people's lives.
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And I-- I would like
to buy them all a Coke.
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And you wonder why
we never got involved.
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Three words--
November 16, 199--
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- Oh, totally drunk--
- What?
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--and out of my mind.
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It would have been a poetic
experience if I weren't
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such a gentleman, which I am.
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Just let it go, Dyer.
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Surrender the fantasy.
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Hey, Sammy.
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What's your goal?
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My goal is to--
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get like a-- like a
career or something.
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[ ♪♪ GARY GLITTER,
"ROCK 'N ROLL PART II"]
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Hey!
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Hey!
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Lainie, I think the moment
has been appropriately captured.
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Would you please take your
face out of the camera?
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LELAINA: Come on.
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It's for my documentary.
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Eh.
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Documentary?
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[ ♪♪ GARY GLITTER,
"ROCK 'N ROLL PART II"]
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Hey!
Hey!
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Hey!
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Hey!
Hey!
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Hey!
Hey!
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Hey!
Hey!
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Hey!
Hey!
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Here's the deal.
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I'm gonna take Sam against his
will and straighten him out.
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Because I truly
believe that if we
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can get two women on the Supreme
Court, we can get at least one
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on you, Sam.
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Hey!
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I'm Superman!
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I can fly!
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She's toast.
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Ah!
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Quick, Vickie, what's
your social security?
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Uh, 851-25-9357.
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Very impressive.
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It's the only thing I
really learned in college.
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Sometimes I get that
not-so-fresh feeling.
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(ALL SINGING) Conjunction
junction, what's your function?
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Hooking up words and
phrases and clauses.
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Conjunction junction,
how's that function?
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Got three favorite cars that
get most of my job done.
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Conjunction--
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[SILVERWARE CLANKING]
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[INAUDIBLE WHISPERING]
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Honey, honey, no, no, no.
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Is yours good?
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I don't think it's very fresh.
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I'm sorry.
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Well, I guess it's
about time for me
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to give you your
graduation present, huh?
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Your gas card.
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I'll pay that
bill for one year.
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And since Helen Anne's got
herself a brand new Infinity,
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we're going to give
you her old BMW.
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You can pick it up at our house.
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BM-- BMW?
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TOM: Yeah.
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Tom, Didn't you listen
to her speech today?
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TOM: Yeah.
- She doesn't want a BMW.
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Mom, I'll handle this.
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No, no, I'm not
going to sit here
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and listen again to some
strange, ethical argument
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about a damn car.
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Now, it's got four wheels.
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It runs will.
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And little darlin',
after you've been
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in the real world for
a while, you're gonna
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appreciate that car.
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Yeah, just think of all
those starving children
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in Africa that don't
even have cars.
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Troy, does your father
give you gifts like that?
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Mom.
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Well, actually, my father's
dying of prostate cancer,
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so I don't really trouble
him much for gifts.
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CHARLANE: See, Tom?
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TOM: Hm?
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You don't want a BMW.
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Tell him, Lelaina.
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Charlane, she can
make up her own mind.
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Dad, don't talk
to her that way.
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She's not a child.
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- Well, she married one.
- What?
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All right, excuse me.
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Mom, Dad, I'll take the
BMW until I can afford to buy
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a regular car myself, OK?
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OK, mom?
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Please.
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Mom, please, come on.
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Get a Ford .
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[ ♪♪ WORLD PARTY,
"WHEN YOU COME BACK TO ME"]
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Just to float on
the sea, to find
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myself on a page of history.
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You know, as I ride along, I can
always hear the song about you,
144
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of where you're meant to be.
145
00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:07,470
But you're gonna
tell me to exit.
146
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I'll know when you
come back to me.
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Do-do-do-do.
Do-do-do.
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If we should fall, love
will catch us every time.
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If you call, I will run.
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00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:39,900
And if the magic of the
adventure overcomes,
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we won't cry because
it could be fun.
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Well, I'm gonna tell
you the answers.
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You'll know when
you come back to me.
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It's gonna be all right
when you come back to me.
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Ooh.
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When you come back to me.
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Ooh.
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[THEME MUSIC]
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Good morning!
160
00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:02,740
Good morning!
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00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:06,230
[APPLAUSE]
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Hey, good morning,
ladies and--
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gentleman!
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I see a gentleman
right over there!
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Good morning!
[APPLAUSE]
166
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Good morning!
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00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:19,060
Boy, I tell you, it is a good
morning with this audience.
168
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Well, today for all you
dieters, guiltless goodies
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from Chef Skinny Minnie!
170
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,200
[APPLAUSE]
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Ooh!
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And we'll also be visiting with
a man right here from Houston
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00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:32,030
who is battling Alzheimer's.
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AUDIENCE: Aw.
175
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A beautiful and touching
story of the triumph
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of the human spirit.
177
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He's so cheesy I can't
watch him without crackers.
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Now let's take a peek
inside our video view
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00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:46,280
and see what we have
in store for today.
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00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:50,610
[APPLAUSE]
181
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It's a special report on
children's birthday party
182
00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:57,510
themes, taped on location
at 8-year-old Davey
183
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Robbins' party, exclusively
for our video view collection.
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00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:04,870
[APPLAUSE]
185
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:08,600
So, come sit with me.
186
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,610
Relax.
187
00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:12,500
Have a cup of Joe.
188
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,980
(WHISPERING) Oh, shit.
189
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Oh, shit.
190
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:20,600
Well, anyway, it's gonna
be a good day, good morning.
191
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:25,500
[THEME MUSIC]
192
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:36,630
Am I here to amuse
you, Miss Pierce?
193
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:37,560
Am I here to make you laugh?
194
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,100
Is that the real reason
I'm on this show?
195
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,570
Mr. Gubler, when I
prepare your notecards,
196
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:41,940
you're supposed to
get your own espresso.
197
00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:43,920
Didn't you get my
"espress yourself" memo?
198
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,070
I don't have time for
your little mind games.
199
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:48,070
I'd like to remind that we're
laying people off around here,
200
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:50,130
and I can find an intern who
will do your job for free--
201
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:53,460
[SNAPS]-- like that.
202
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:57,890
[ ♪♪ CROWDED HOUSE,
"LOCKED OUT"]
203
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,330
I been locked out.
204
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,790
I been locked in.
205
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:09,230
But I always seem
to come back again.
206
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:11,710
And the view when I
look through my window--
207
00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:13,200
Oh, that's a much better size.
208
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,650
That looks great.
209
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,070
That would go really
well with the Easy Fit.
210
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,470
So-- oh, buttoning it
up-- that's even better.
211
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:20,950
[LAUGHING] OK.
212
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,240
Yeah, roll them right up.
213
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,650
[LAUGHING] It's
liberating, isn't it?
214
00:12:27,650 --> 00:12:31,420
[ ♪♪ SQUEEZE, "TEMPTED"]
215
00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:34,730
(SINGING) I bought a
toothbrush, some toothpaste,
216
00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:38,930
a flannel for my face,
pajamas, a hairbrush,
217
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:41,360
new shoes and a case.
218
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:48,710
I said to my reflection
let's get out of this place.
219
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:51,650
That's the church
and the steeple,
220
00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:54,100
the laundry on the hill.
221
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,080
[ ♪♪ KMC, "MURDER"]
222
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,670
Murder-- there's one
committed each seven seconds.
223
00:12:57,670 --> 00:12:59,110
How do you know?
[PHONE RINGING]
224
00:12:59,110 --> 00:12:59,810
Hello?
225
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,280
MAN ON PHONE: What the
hell happened to you?
226
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,530
I got cut off.
I'm sorry.
227
00:13:02,530 --> 00:13:03,470
[ ♪♪ SQUEEZE, "TEMPTED"]
228
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:07,350
(BOTH SINGING) Tempted
by the fruit of another.
229
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:08,120
[ ♪♪ KMC, "MURDER"]
230
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,590
I'm a fat guy, a lunatic.
231
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:10,850
Whenever I murder--
- Hello?
232
00:13:10,850 --> 00:13:12,040
What?
[ ♪♪ SQUEEZE, "TEMPTED"]
233
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,510
(BOTH SINGING)
Tempted but the truth
234
00:13:13,510 --> 00:13:20,160
is discovered, what's been going
on, now that you've been gone--
235
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,260
No,no, no, no.
Listen, he needs us, OK?
236
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,410
If he makes videos,
we show them, OK?
237
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,090
It's a symbiotic-- it's
like a chicken or the egg,
238
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,540
both of them working together.
239
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:31,480
Yeah?
240
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,900
Well, let me tell you something.
241
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,540
I'm not scared of him.
No, no, no.
242
00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:36,770
I'm not scared of him.
Jesus!
243
00:13:36,770 --> 00:13:37,670
[TIRES SQUEALING]
244
00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:38,520
[CRASHING]
245
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:39,370
[SCREAMING]
246
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,900
MAN ON PHONE: Michael,
don't laugh at me.
247
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:41,840
What?
248
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,020
[HISSING]
No!
249
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:44,900
I'm in an accident.
I got in an accident.
250
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,070
MAN ON PHONE: You OK?
- I'm fine.
251
00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,720
I--
[HISSING]
252
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,260
No, I'll-- I'll call
you back, all right?
253
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,630
I'm gonna call you--
254
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,460
- When you say "sue"--
- Uh, huh.
255
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:54,230
Well, it's not-- it's
not really my idea.
256
00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:56,270
It's just I got my
lawyer guy telling me,
257
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,940
you know, something
like about my rates or--
258
00:13:57,940 --> 00:14:00,410
Right, you mean-- but
you mean like sue, um,
259
00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:02,270
like in a courtroom for money.
260
00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:03,800
I don't even know,
because I've never really
261
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,030
done anything like this before.
262
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:06,790
I mean, do you have a
lawyer or something?
263
00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:08,170
[LAUGHING] No.
I don't have a lawyer.
264
00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,210
I don't have a dentist.
265
00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:13,130
I'm-- you know, I
make $400 a week.
266
00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:14,120
What do you do?
267
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,890
Well, at-- at
the moment, I'm--
268
00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:17,060
I'm working at--
[PHONE RINGING]
269
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:17,760
I'm sorry.
270
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,330
I just-- I gotta-- gotta.
271
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:21,860
[SIGHING] Hello?
272
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,320
Yeah, what is it?
273
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,450
You know, I don't
care if she does
274
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,620
12 books of herself naked, OK?
275
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:32,860
Doesn't-- That's Dr. Zaius
from "Planet of the Apes."
276
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:34,360
Oh.
277
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,690
I'm sorry, no,
someone else is in here.
278
00:14:36,690 --> 00:14:39,510
Yeah, well, let
her say that to me.
279
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:40,230
No, don't do that.
280
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,150
Oh, I'm sorry.
281
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:42,690
I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
282
00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:44,340
You can-- I was--
go ahead.
283
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:45,770
You want to touch it?
That's all right.
284
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:46,270
LELAINA: Me?
- Yeah, no.
285
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:47,090
Go ahead.
286
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:49,620
No, I was talking to-- look,
can I talk to you later?
287
00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:50,430
Can we-- what?
288
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:52,120
OK, OK.
289
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,700
Um-- [SIGHS] OK.
290
00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,710
I'm, uh-- you know what?
291
00:14:59,710 --> 00:15:01,530
Just forget it.
292
00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:02,730
Really, just forget
the whole thing,
293
00:15:02,730 --> 00:15:05,010
because it was probably my
fault anyway, and I'll get
294
00:15:05,010 --> 00:15:06,500
in trouble, and I don't--
295
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:09,030
it just doesn't-- and
you seem very sweet.
296
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,460
And you seem to like Dr. Zaius.
297
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:12,720
Oh.
298
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,000
[GLASS BREAKING]
299
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,620
LELAINA: Oh, no.
- That's--
300
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:19,060
[GASPING] I am--
301
00:15:19,060 --> 00:15:22,330
That's-- he was just
a collectors'-- no big--
302
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:24,000
- Um, well, here--
- You know what?
303
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,730
It's--
- No, here' his-- his head.
304
00:15:25,730 --> 00:15:27,930
It's really-- [LAUGHING]
you know, it's--
305
00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:30,270
I think he's gone.
Yeah.
306
00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:32,310
I'm like ruining
your whole life here.
307
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:33,550
No, no, you're not.
308
00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:34,420
You're not, really.
309
00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:36,200
Just-- just don't-- just
don't touch anything else.
310
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,080
- [LAUGHING]
- And I think we'll be fine.
311
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,200
Michael Grates, vice president
of regional programming,
312
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,520
In Your Face TV.
313
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,220
We've seen it.
314
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:47,540
It's like MTV but with an edge.
- Yeah, so?
315
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:48,480
Is it a date?
316
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,880
Yeah.
Yeah.
317
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,190
Dinner, coffee.
318
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:52,720
Coffee or cappuccino.
319
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,380
Oh, he ended up saying decaf.
320
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:55,970
Oh, no-- early night.
321
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:57,810
Is there any
pre-coffee activity?
322
00:15:57,810 --> 00:15:59,190
Um, I don't think so.
323
00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:01,050
Did he ask you to
go out or to hang out?
324
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:03,030
Go out.
He definitely said go out.
325
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,230
Hey.
How are you guys?
326
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,210
Oh, shit.
327
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:07,200
What?
328
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,160
I forgot to tell
you something.
329
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,370
Are you out of your mind?
330
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,880
Oh, Lainie, he just got
fired from the newsstand.
331
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,580
He needs a place to stay
till he can find a new job
332
00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:16,670
and get his own place.
333
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:19,780
Vickie, that's the
American dream of the '90s.
334
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:20,860
That could take years.
335
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:23,340
Look at it like a
built-in security system.
336
00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:24,830
We'll have a man
around the house.
337
00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:26,080
We'll have a-- a hall monitor.
338
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,650
That's what we'll have.
339
00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,420
I don't even know if this
is allowed in the building.
340
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,850
It's not like Mr.
Roper's gonna burst in.
341
00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:33,740
I'll just stay on the couch.
342
00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,040
Vickie--
343
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:41,080
He will turn this place
into a den of slack.
344
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,080
What the hell is your problem?
345
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,470
I have to work around here.
346
00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:47,950
And unfortunately,
Troy, you are a master
347
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:49,690
at the art of time suckage.
Oh,
348
00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:52,060
Well, I'm sorry, Miss Poster
Girl for the Workers Party,
349
00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:54,970
but until I get that, uh,
toehold in the burger industry,
350
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:55,990
I got a little time to suck.
351
00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:58,000
I'd rather check into a shelter
than deal with her shit.
352
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,790
OK, I know how much you love
to mainline in misery here,
353
00:17:01,790 --> 00:17:02,580
but you don't have to.
354
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:07,080
I mean, I could get you a job
interview at my dad's plant.
355
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,090
What is that, like part
of my lease agreement?
356
00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:10,900
It's either that
or a credit check.
357
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:11,980
It's cool, Troy.
358
00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:13,660
You can stay.
359
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:15,420
Welcome to the maxi pad.
360
00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:17,620
Yeah, with the new
dry-weave, it actually
361
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:18,830
pulls moisture away from you.
362
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:19,800
It's good.
363
00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:25,120
You won't even know I'm here.
364
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,190
[GUITAR PLAYING]
365
00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:28,090
Well, should I get married?
Should I be good?
366
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,710
Should I astound
the girl next door
367
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:31,600
with my velvet suit
and my Faustus hood
368
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,140
and not take her to
movies but to cemeteries
369
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:38,180
and tell her of werewolf
tongues and forked clarinets?
370
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:39,520
What Hey, That's
My Bike would like
371
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,220
to do eventually as a band
is travel the countryside
372
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,380
like Woody Guthrie.
373
00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:46,810
Or, uh, Richard
Simmons, you know
374
00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:49,210
how he, in his commercials,
how he travels around,
375
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,290
surprises people jogging.
376
00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:55,210
As you can see, I have, uh,
the occasional run-in with
377
00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:57,230
an anti Hey, That's My Biker.
378
00:17:57,230 --> 00:18:01,790
To those people, I say, nobody--
379
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,860
nobody-- can eat 50 eggs.
380
00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:06,150
SAMMY: [LAUGHING]
381
00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:06,870
Lainie?
382
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:08,210
LELAINA: Whatie?
383
00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:10,850
The next time you
make microwave brownies,
384
00:18:10,850 --> 00:18:13,110
I'd really consider
using a microwave.
385
00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:14,820
It's just a thought.
386
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:17,730
LELAINA: [LAUGHING] You
know, I finally figured
387
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,330
out what your problem is, Dyer.
388
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:20,030
What's that?
389
00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:21,510
I'm not a pepper?
390
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:24,410
LELAINA: You suffer from the
philosopher groupie syndrome.
391
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:27,540
You're this guy
with like a 180 IQ,
392
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,780
10 units away from a
degree in philosophy.
393
00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:30,480
Yeah?
394
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,410
LELAINA: And you always fall
for these dumb groupie types.
395
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:35,070
Now, they are not all dumb.
396
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:38,650
Most of them are just
very, very depressed.
397
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,640
You find me attractive
sitting here eating brownies?
398
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:41,340
You do.
399
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:42,440
You're strangely
attracted to me.
400
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,730
Right now, you're oddly,
oddly attracted to him.
401
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:46,060
It turns you on, doesn't it?
402
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:47,400
You like to watch, don't you?
LELAINA: Come on.
403
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,390
Come on.
Come on!
404
00:18:48,390 --> 00:18:50,070
TROY: Huh?
LELAINA: [SCREAMS]
405
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:51,050
TROY: Yeah.
406
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:52,200
[LAUGHING]
- Don't!
407
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,130
Come on.
TROY: Here we are.
408
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:54,270
It's not funny.
Give it back.
409
00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:55,290
TROY: Give what back?
- Give it--
410
00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:56,020
TROY: Give what back?
411
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:57,670
Give you the brownies back?
- Give it back!
412
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:58,820
TROY: Oh, brownies!
Brownies!
413
00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:00,440
[SCREAMS]
TROY: Oh, Oh!
414
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,830
I love brownies.
415
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:03,210
My name's-- hey, don't!
Hey, watch the camera.
416
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:03,960
Watch the camera.
417
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:04,670
Don't throw it at me.
418
00:19:04,670 --> 00:19:05,840
That's not nice.
419
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,680
[GUITAR PLAYING]
420
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:10,640
[BEEP]
421
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,480
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
422
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,530
Mr. Kubler, you
have time to take
423
00:19:18,530 --> 00:19:19,740
a look at what I've done here?
424
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,640
I need my questions.
425
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,170
Uh, well, here's the
research that I did.
426
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:26,240
You might want to read
it, because this guest has
427
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,490
quite a history in politics.
428
00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:30,070
Just give me my questions.
429
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,500
[MUSIC PLAYING]
430
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,990
Excuse moi.
431
00:19:41,990 --> 00:19:43,510
[LAUGH TRACK]
432
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:44,900
You all alone?
433
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,300
Not anymore.
434
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,240
[LAUGH TRACK]
435
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,110
If I could bottle
the sexual tension
436
00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:51,980
between Bonnie
Franklin and Schneider,
437
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:54,680
I could solve the energy crisis.
438
00:19:54,680 --> 00:20:00,850
VICKIE: Excuse me, don't
Bogart that can, man.
439
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:01,890
Are you retarded?
440
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:04,170
No, I'm rhyming.
441
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,910
It's not easy.
442
00:20:06,910 --> 00:20:07,970
Sure, I make it look easy.
443
00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:09,830
[DOOR CLOSES]
444
00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:11,500
(IN DEEP VOICE) You guys
better not be inhaling.
445
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,970
Hi.
446
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:16,040
Lelaina, Vickie was
just promoted to manager--
447
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,150
- Uh!
- --of the Gap!
448
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,240
Uh!
Uh!
449
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,840
Shut up!
450
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,580
VICKIE: It's not
even a big deal.
451
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:23,260
The old manager tried to
kill herself by eating
452
00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,420
a whole pot of poinsettias.
453
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:27,480
[LAUGHING] Still,
I'm so proud of you.
454
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,180
Wait.
455
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,840
I'll be making for
$400 a week, though.
456
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,870
LELAINA: We're-- we're never
gonna have rent problems again.
457
00:20:33,870 --> 00:20:36,430
Troy, aren't you excited?
458
00:20:36,430 --> 00:20:38,150
I'm bursting
with fruit flavor.
459
00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:40,270
VICKIE: Guys, I just
thought of something.
460
00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:42,910
I'm manager of the Gap.
461
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:47,020
I'm responsible for all
those t-shirts, French cut,
462
00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:49,840
V-neck, ribbed, what have you.
463
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,380
Dude, I'm in trouble.
464
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,180
No, you're not, Vick.
465
00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:53,650
I know you can do it.
466
00:20:53,650 --> 00:20:56,110
SAMMY: I just do not
understand why this moment
467
00:20:56,110 --> 00:20:57,920
has to be Memorexed.
468
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,770
Sammy, don't you realize?
469
00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:03,850
This is your one opportunity
to play a small part in what
470
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:06,400
is destined to be greatness.
471
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,380
Lainie here is going
to revolutionize
472
00:21:08,380 --> 00:21:10,000
"Good Morning Grant."
473
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,500
SAMMY: Oh, my god.
I'm so sorry.
474
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,110
I have no idea!
475
00:21:13,110 --> 00:21:14,380
Oh, yeah, look who's mocking.
476
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:18,190
All you do around here,
Troy, is eat and couch
477
00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:20,140
and fondle the remote control.
478
00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:23,160
I'm not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
479
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,490
Yeah, well, then
what good are you?
480
00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:26,380
You're a
pathological optimist.
481
00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:28,340
LELAINA: You're pathological.
482
00:21:28,340 --> 00:21:31,130
VICKIE: Oh, would you two just
do it and get it over with?
483
00:21:31,130 --> 00:21:31,830
I'm starving.
484
00:21:34,950 --> 00:21:35,890
[PHONE RINGING]
485
00:21:35,890 --> 00:21:38,270
Oh.
Hello?
486
00:21:38,270 --> 00:21:41,800
You've reached the
winter of our discontent.
487
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,450
Uh, hold on.
488
00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:45,170
Some Michael character?
489
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:49,250
Who's Michael?
490
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:51,040
VICKIE: Let's order a pizza.
491
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,990
Lelaina, if we
promise to pay you back,
492
00:21:53,990 --> 00:21:55,470
please spot us a pizza.
493
00:21:55,470 --> 00:21:56,980
Don't have any cash.
494
00:21:56,980 --> 00:21:58,740
TROY: Domino's takes checks.
495
00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:00,770
OK, great.
496
00:22:00,770 --> 00:22:02,890
OK, bye.
497
00:22:02,890 --> 00:22:04,820
The owner of Domino's
supports Operation Rescue.
498
00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:06,310
VICKIE: Oh, please.
499
00:22:06,310 --> 00:22:08,240
No one gives a shit right now.
We're starving.
500
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,750
Oh, wait.
501
00:22:10,750 --> 00:22:13,480
Wait.
502
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,950
VICKIE: Ta-da!
503
00:22:14,950 --> 00:22:16,170
We're going to eat gas.
504
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,730
Ah!
505
00:22:22,730 --> 00:22:25,220
- Who's this Michael guy?
- Um--
506
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,560
Hey, Vickie just
figured something out.
507
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,900
- What?
- Something wonderful.
508
00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:33,650
[LAUGHING] Evian is
"naive" spelled backwards.
509
00:22:33,650 --> 00:22:34,560
[LAUGHING]
510
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,230
[GASPS] Can you
turn this up, please?
511
00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:38,380
Please?
512
00:22:38,380 --> 00:22:40,000
You won't be sorry.
Thank you.
513
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,130
[ ♪♪ THE KNACK,
"MY SHARONA"]
514
00:22:41,130 --> 00:22:43,780
Ooh, my little pretty one,
pretty one, when you gonna
515
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:46,590
give me some time, Sharona?
516
00:22:46,590 --> 00:22:50,060
Ooh, you make my motor
run, my motor run,
517
00:22:50,060 --> 00:22:53,040
got it coming off
the line, Sharona.
518
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,510
Never gonna stop, give
it up, such a dirty mind.
519
00:22:56,510 --> 00:22:59,980
I always get it up for the
touch of the younger kind,
520
00:22:59,980 --> 00:23:03,950
my, my, my, my, aye, whoa!
521
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:05,440
M-m-m-my Sharona.
522
00:23:09,410 --> 00:23:11,390
Come a little closer, huh?
523
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,880
Will you, huh?
524
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,850
Close enough to look
in my eyes, Sharona.
525
00:23:15,850 --> 00:23:20,570
Keeping it a mystery, it gets
to me, running down the length
526
00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:22,230
of my thigh, Sharona.
527
00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:23,990
[ ♪♪ "GOOD TIMES THEME SONG"]
Good times!
528
00:23:23,990 --> 00:23:26,270
Anytime you meet a payment.
529
00:23:26,270 --> 00:23:27,260
Good times!
530
00:23:27,260 --> 00:23:29,800
Anytime you need a friend.
Good times!
531
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,880
Thelma's husband Keith's got
vodka hidden in the toilet.
532
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,270
Vodka in the toilet.
533
00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:34,200
That's a good one.
534
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,030
Doom, doom.
535
00:23:35,030 --> 00:23:36,380
(SINGING) James dies.
536
00:23:36,380 --> 00:23:37,270
[LAUGHTER]
537
00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:38,740
TROY: That's a two-parter, man.
- JJ works in the chicken shop.
538
00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:40,600
VICKIE: I'll allow it, though.
I'll allow it.
539
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,190
He works in the chicken
shop-- we did that.
540
00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:43,720
That's the same one where
he has that cape on.
541
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,000
Sorry.
542
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:45,920
Drink up.
543
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,870
You hate to see that
happen to the rookie.
544
00:23:49,870 --> 00:23:52,690
Alderman Davis judge a--
545
00:23:52,690 --> 00:23:53,980
oh, my god.
546
00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:55,900
Hi.
547
00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:57,690
Are you a collection agent?
548
00:23:57,690 --> 00:23:59,690
Lelaina?
549
00:23:59,690 --> 00:24:01,190
Oh!
550
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:02,190
Yeah!
551
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:03,690
I'll be right there!
552
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:08,970
WOMAN ON TV: --any of your skin.
- Oh.
553
00:24:08,970 --> 00:24:10,430
If you ain't the
most hard-headed
554
00:24:10,430 --> 00:24:12,400
woman I done ever seen.
- All right.
555
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,570
Hurry up.
Hurry up.
556
00:24:13,570 --> 00:24:14,960
Hurry up.
Oh, it's me.
557
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,010
Willona dates a deaf guy.
558
00:24:16,010 --> 00:24:17,150
Good, good, good.
559
00:24:17,150 --> 00:24:18,380
MICHAEL: How about
the one where, um,
560
00:24:18,380 --> 00:24:19,310
Gary Coleman comes on.
561
00:24:19,310 --> 00:24:24,270
He's like the little,
like, guy doing that--
562
00:24:24,270 --> 00:24:25,400
Yeah, we did that one.
Go.
563
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:26,130
He was cute, though.
564
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:27,270
TROY: JJ's prom date.
565
00:24:27,270 --> 00:24:28,960
SAMMY: Gotta go, gotta go.
- Hi.
566
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:29,810
Hello.
567
00:24:29,810 --> 00:24:30,510
Hi.
568
00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:31,370
Hi.
569
00:24:31,370 --> 00:24:33,250
Um, every-- this is Michael.
570
00:24:33,250 --> 00:24:35,700
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
571
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:37,610
You've got a prom date,
prom date, and a prom date.
572
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:39,440
VICKIE: Too late.
Wait up.
573
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:40,760
OK, so I'm gonna go.
VICKIE: Bye.
574
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:41,730
TROY: Michael throws a party.
575
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,200
Sammy, let's go.
576
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,680
Lelaina, you know the punishment
for premature evacuation.
577
00:24:50,100 --> 00:24:53,780
Penny!
Willona adopts Penny-- shit.
578
00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:55,730
[MUSIC PLAYING]
579
00:24:55,730 --> 00:24:58,670
I'm, uh, making this
documentary about my friends,
580
00:24:58,670 --> 00:25:00,320
but it's really about
people who are trying
581
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:04,130
to find their own identity
without having any real role
582
00:25:04,130 --> 00:25:06,350
models or heroes or anything.
But--
583
00:25:06,350 --> 00:25:07,400
Wow.
584
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,450
That's-- that sounds great.
585
00:25:09,450 --> 00:25:10,580
I mean, it seems
like your friends
586
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:13,950
would be perfect for that,
like, um-- like that guy Troy.
587
00:25:13,950 --> 00:25:14,810
Troy, yeah.
588
00:25:14,810 --> 00:25:15,680
You all done here, sir?
589
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:16,670
Uh, yeah, yeah.
590
00:25:16,670 --> 00:25:18,190
You don't want to finish that?
Because I--
591
00:25:18,190 --> 00:25:19,400
No, no, no.
I'm fine.
592
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,300
I had a late--
593
00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:23,260
so, uh-- so Troy
is-- you guys just--
594
00:25:23,260 --> 00:25:25,610
it's like you guys living
there, just the two of you?
595
00:25:25,610 --> 00:25:27,040
No, no, no, no, no.
It's-- no.
596
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,870
It's-- it's me and Vickie.
597
00:25:28,870 --> 00:25:32,240
But he got fired from his
job and so he needed a place
598
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,280
to crash for a couple of weeks.
599
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:38,780
They, um-- they caught
him stealing a Snickers.
600
00:25:38,780 --> 00:25:40,350
He stole a Snickers bar?
601
00:25:40,350 --> 00:25:41,610
[LAUGHING] Yeah.
602
00:25:41,610 --> 00:25:42,980
That's--
603
00:25:42,980 --> 00:25:48,540
Somehow he can rationalize it,
like the establishment owes him
604
00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:50,550
a Snickers.
605
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:51,950
Right, right.
606
00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,390
Well, I mean, I
guess, you know--
607
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:05,370
You know, they're
very beautiful.
608
00:26:05,370 --> 00:26:10,330
I mean-- I mean, uh,
seriously, you're--
609
00:26:10,330 --> 00:26:12,140
I'm, uh--
610
00:26:12,140 --> 00:26:19,060
I'm, uh, not really
good with compliments.
611
00:26:19,060 --> 00:26:22,690
Um, but, uh-- um--
612
00:26:22,690 --> 00:26:26,150
are you religious?
613
00:26:26,150 --> 00:26:31,430
Um-- [LAUGHING] I'm--
614
00:26:31,430 --> 00:26:33,860
uh, I guess, um--
615
00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:38,240
I guess I'm, uh, a
non-practicing Jew.
616
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,780
Hey, I'm a
non-practicing virgin.
617
00:26:43,890 --> 00:26:45,800
[ ♪♪ PETER FRAMPTON,
"BABY, I LOVE YOUR WAY"]
618
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,620
Who's this again?
619
00:26:47,620 --> 00:26:48,370
MICHAEL: Frampton.
620
00:26:48,370 --> 00:26:49,140
Peter Frampton.
621
00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:50,420
LELAINA: Frampton.
622
00:26:50,420 --> 00:26:51,850
MICHAEL: I can't believe
you don't remember
623
00:26:51,850 --> 00:26:52,900
"Frampton Comes Alive."
624
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:56,580
That album like totally
changed my life.
625
00:26:56,580 --> 00:27:00,840
LELAINA: The most profound,
important invention
626
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,580
of my lifetime--
627
00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:04,360
the Big Gulp.
MICHAEL: Big Gulp.
628
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,540
And because, see-- now listen.
629
00:27:06,540 --> 00:27:07,450
You get one in the morning.
630
00:27:07,450 --> 00:27:10,310
I'm talking 44-ouncer,
not this 32--
631
00:27:10,310 --> 00:27:11,560
Wait a minute--
44?
632
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,620
Wimpy-- Yeah, 44.
633
00:27:13,620 --> 00:27:16,350
How can you-- how can you
ingest 44 ounces of anything?
634
00:27:16,350 --> 00:27:17,120
[LAUGHING]
635
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:19,040
How can you ingest
44 ounces of anything?
636
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:19,740
You get on.
637
00:27:19,740 --> 00:27:23,010
You have your essential
vitamins and nutrients
638
00:27:23,010 --> 00:27:24,390
for the entire day.
639
00:27:24,390 --> 00:27:25,950
Oh, yeah, definitely.
640
00:27:25,950 --> 00:27:27,580
I'm sure you're totally covered.
641
00:27:27,580 --> 00:27:29,360
- You do.
- Well.
642
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:33,080
I guess it doesn't really
take much to make me happy.
643
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:33,920
Hey, I'm not--
644
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,550
I'm not materialistic, either.
645
00:27:36,550 --> 00:27:39,960
I mean, I think I'd be working
even if I wasn't getting paid.
646
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,880
And I don't, like, want to
get, you know, a big house.
647
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,300
I just want like a nice house.
648
00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:49,120
I'm not into cars and stuff.
649
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,910
I mean, I like my car.
650
00:27:51,910 --> 00:27:53,160
You're probably not--
651
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:58,150
really not into like expensive,
snazzy Italian suits, either.
652
00:27:58,150 --> 00:27:59,460
- Oh, come on.
- I'm just kidding.
653
00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:00,160
No, no, no, no, no.
654
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:00,980
I'm just kidding.
655
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:01,710
Wait a minute.
656
00:28:01,710 --> 00:28:02,550
I'm not like that.
657
00:28:02,550 --> 00:28:03,480
I'm really not.
658
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:04,930
I mean-- I mean--
659
00:28:04,930 --> 00:28:08,470
I'm-- I'm-- I mean--
660
00:28:08,470 --> 00:28:10,090
I know why the caged bird
sings and everything.
661
00:28:10,090 --> 00:28:12,120
Oh, yeah?
Why?
662
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:15,870
Because he was in a cage.
And he was--
663
00:28:15,870 --> 00:28:17,160
[LAUGHING] - I don't know.
664
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:18,600
He had high hopes or some--
665
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,130
OK, I dropped out
of school before we
666
00:28:20,130 --> 00:28:21,690
got to that, all right?
667
00:28:21,690 --> 00:28:23,160
See, I should have
stayed in college
668
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,510
and gotten a degree in
astronomy or something, right?
669
00:28:25,510 --> 00:28:26,960
Oh, god, I love astronomy.
670
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:27,660
Really?
671
00:28:27,660 --> 00:28:28,820
Yeah, I just--
the math, though.
672
00:28:28,820 --> 00:28:29,520
Yeah.
673
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,370
It was the math that just
like got me every time.
674
00:28:31,370 --> 00:28:32,160
Is that-- i love--
675
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,260
I love astronomy, too, and I
got into class and was like--
676
00:28:34,260 --> 00:28:36,750
it was like everything
was 3 squared
677
00:28:36,750 --> 00:28:38,530
times pi equals the root of--
678
00:28:38,530 --> 00:28:39,230
What?
Pi?
679
00:28:39,230 --> 00:28:40,760
[LAUGHING]
- Pi, yeah.
680
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,740
I just-- and I just like
wanted to look at the stars.
681
00:28:43,740 --> 00:28:44,590
Same here, exactly.
682
00:28:47,270 --> 00:28:50,610
I remember being so happy
on the roof of our old house,
683
00:28:50,610 --> 00:28:51,960
just staring up at the stars.
684
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,840
Mm.
685
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:54,830
I want to do that again.
686
00:28:54,830 --> 00:28:57,680
I want to just look
up at the stars
687
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:03,760
and take the time to smell the--
688
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:04,730
everything.
689
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,900
Cause it's like, do you ever
have those moments in life
690
00:29:10,900 --> 00:29:13,790
where everything is OK?
691
00:29:13,790 --> 00:29:14,590
Do you know what I mean?
692
00:29:14,590 --> 00:29:17,260
Like just-- just for like one
moment, everything is great.
693
00:29:17,260 --> 00:29:19,590
Not since I graduated.
No.
694
00:29:19,590 --> 00:29:21,610
But yeah, yeah.
695
00:29:21,610 --> 00:29:25,890
When you like catch yourself
in a moment and you're saying,
696
00:29:25,890 --> 00:29:26,750
wait, wait--
697
00:29:26,750 --> 00:29:27,980
I'm happy here in the moment.
698
00:29:27,980 --> 00:29:28,680
Right, right.
699
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,170
And then it just goes
away really quickly.
700
00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:32,080
- Gone.
- It just-- it's--
701
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:32,780
I know.
702
00:29:32,780 --> 00:29:34,690
I know I've had a
couple of those, you know?
703
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:36,260
I always forget them,
but I know I've had them.
704
00:29:36,260 --> 00:29:37,670
Oh, me, too.
705
00:29:42,370 --> 00:29:44,190
Like right now is one.
706
00:29:48,190 --> 00:29:50,190
Yeah, like now it's--
707
00:29:50,190 --> 00:29:53,690
[ ♪♪ PETER FRAMPTON,
"BABY I LOVE YOUR WAY"]
708
00:29:53,690 --> 00:29:59,690
Clouds are stalking
islands in the sun.
709
00:29:59,690 --> 00:30:06,690
Wish I could buy
one out of season.
710
00:30:06,690 --> 00:30:19,190
But don't hesitate, cause
your love won't wait.
711
00:30:19,190 --> 00:30:28,190
Hey, ooh, baby, I love
your way, every day.
712
00:30:28,190 --> 00:30:32,690
Wanna tell you I
love your way ooh.
713
00:30:35,990 --> 00:30:36,690
[GASPS]
714
00:30:36,690 --> 00:30:40,960
TROY: (SINGING) Ooh, baby,
I love your way every day.
715
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,840
I want to be with you night and
716
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,150
Sh.
717
00:30:44,150 --> 00:30:46,780
TROY: So you been up all night?
718
00:30:46,780 --> 00:30:52,820
Oh, I am picking up some
very strange vibes in here.
719
00:30:52,820 --> 00:30:57,190
They're of the
I-just-got-laid variety.
720
00:30:57,190 --> 00:30:59,690
Did he dazzle you with
his extensive knowledge
721
00:30:59,690 --> 00:31:01,010
of mineral water?
722
00:31:01,010 --> 00:31:05,600
Or was it his in-depth
analysis of Marky Mark
723
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,700
that finally reeled you in?
724
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,890
I just would have liked
to have been there to--
725
00:31:09,890 --> 00:31:12,380
to watch how you
rationalized sleeping
726
00:31:12,380 --> 00:31:14,980
with yuppie-head cheeseball
on the first date.
727
00:31:14,980 --> 00:31:16,030
He's not a yuppie.
728
00:31:16,030 --> 00:31:19,860
He's the reason why
Cliff Notes were invented.
729
00:31:19,860 --> 00:31:22,820
Well, that pales in
comparison to the tweaked-out
730
00:31:22,820 --> 00:31:25,840
little skanks you date.
- To hell with it.
731
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:26,620
What do I care?
732
00:31:26,620 --> 00:31:28,670
What do you care?
733
00:31:28,670 --> 00:31:30,430
And why are you acting
like a jealous boyfriend
734
00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:31,520
all of a sudden?
735
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:35,100
I am not acting like anything.
736
00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:36,510
I am calmly reading.
737
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,780
God, if something's
bothering you that much,
738
00:31:41,780 --> 00:31:46,210
I wish you could just be man
enough to talk to me about it.
739
00:31:46,210 --> 00:31:46,980
All right, Lelaina.
740
00:32:00,850 --> 00:32:02,480
I am really in love with you.
741
00:32:06,710 --> 00:32:09,610
[LAUGHING] Is that
what you want to hear?
742
00:32:09,610 --> 00:32:11,650
Is it?
743
00:32:11,650 --> 00:32:13,950
Well, don't flatter yourself.
744
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:19,500
Go to hell.
745
00:32:29,420 --> 00:32:30,950
[ ♪♪ JULIANA HATFIELD,
"SPIN THE BOTTLE"]
746
00:32:30,950 --> 00:32:34,100
He's in a bunch of movies,
really stupid movies.
747
00:32:34,100 --> 00:32:35,710
VICKIE: Since I've
been manager here,
748
00:32:35,710 --> 00:32:40,110
our gross has
increased over 20%.
749
00:32:40,110 --> 00:32:41,100
LELAINA: So?
750
00:32:41,100 --> 00:32:42,920
What?
751
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:44,120
OK, OK.
752
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,100
Um, I guess I'm proud of that.
753
00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:48,650
Oh, please!
754
00:32:48,650 --> 00:32:50,390
Look at this.
755
00:32:50,390 --> 00:32:51,440
People don't know.
756
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:52,640
They don't know what it takes.
757
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,830
I've-- I've never been
a good example before,
758
00:32:54,830 --> 00:32:59,280
and, um, god, I've never been
good with responsibility.
759
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,660
So, uh, I blame my
parents, though.
760
00:33:01,660 --> 00:33:05,320
I think I was conceived
on an acid trip.
761
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:10,630
My parents got divorced when
I was, uh, five years old.
762
00:33:10,630 --> 00:33:13,160
And I saw my father about
three times a year after that.
763
00:33:15,810 --> 00:33:19,320
And when he found out that he
had cancer, he decided to--
764
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:20,160
to bring me here.
765
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,560
And he gives me this
big, pink seashell.
766
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:27,240
And he says to me, son, the
answers are all inside of this.
767
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,560
And I'm all like, what?
768
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:29,580
But then I realized--
769
00:33:29,580 --> 00:33:31,350
I realized that the
shell was empty.
770
00:33:31,350 --> 00:33:32,470
There's no point to any of this.
771
00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:35,310
It's all just a--
772
00:33:35,310 --> 00:33:38,130
a random lottery of meaningless
tragedy and a series
773
00:33:38,130 --> 00:33:39,370
of near-escapes.
774
00:33:42,100 --> 00:33:45,920
So I take pleasure in
the details, you know?
775
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,380
A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
776
00:33:48,380 --> 00:33:51,210
Those are good.
777
00:33:51,210 --> 00:33:56,950
The sky about ten minutes
before it starts to rain.
778
00:33:56,950 --> 00:34:01,410
The moment where your
laughter becomes a cackle.
779
00:34:01,410 --> 00:34:04,260
And I sit back, and I--
780
00:34:04,260 --> 00:34:06,410
I smoke my Camel straights.
781
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:11,730
And I ride my own melt.
782
00:34:11,730 --> 00:34:13,980
Come on, come on, no lagging.
783
00:34:13,980 --> 00:34:16,640
The free clinic
AIDS test, the rite
784
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,700
of passage for our generation.
We're so lucky.
785
00:34:19,700 --> 00:34:21,360
Come on.
786
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:25,870
LELAINA: So, Vick, why
are you getting tested?
787
00:34:25,870 --> 00:34:29,450
One of my friends
tested positive.
788
00:34:29,450 --> 00:34:31,570
To be on the safe
side, you know.
789
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,360
WOMAN: Vickie Miner.
790
00:34:43,700 --> 00:34:44,480
Vickie Miner?
791
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:51,870
You can forget it.
792
00:34:51,870 --> 00:34:53,190
Come on, Grant.
793
00:34:53,190 --> 00:34:53,960
It's-- it's incredible.
794
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,740
It's junk-- depressing junk.
795
00:34:56,740 --> 00:34:58,270
You know my rules
for the Video View--
796
00:34:58,270 --> 00:35:00,060
light and perky.
797
00:35:00,060 --> 00:35:03,720
Uh, Lelaina, maybe I should
talk to Grant alone about this.
798
00:35:07,100 --> 00:35:09,140
Look, she's got real talent.
799
00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:10,920
And I want to put her on staff.
800
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,290
GRANT: I will not have
Miss Pierce on staff.
801
00:35:13,290 --> 00:35:15,000
I will walk out of
here if that happens.
802
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:16,650
You watch.
803
00:35:16,650 --> 00:35:18,210
PRODUCER: OK, calm down.
804
00:35:18,210 --> 00:35:19,500
I mean, it's no big deal.
805
00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:21,190
We don't-- we don't
have to have her.
806
00:35:21,190 --> 00:35:24,080
GRANT: Besides, look at that
girl's pointy little face
807
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,350
all day, it'd make me ill.
808
00:35:26,350 --> 00:35:29,860
Just get rid of her like I asked
you to do in the first place.
809
00:35:29,860 --> 00:35:33,700
[MUSIC PLAYING]
810
00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:35,350
GRANT: (WHISPERING)
I'll get there.
811
00:35:35,350 --> 00:35:38,300
If I don't know where
to go, I'll get there.
812
00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:41,240
If I don't know where
to go, I'll get there.
813
00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:42,720
If I don't know--
814
00:35:48,850 --> 00:35:50,130
DIRECTOR: 10 seconds.
815
00:35:50,130 --> 00:35:56,520
Nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four--
816
00:35:56,520 --> 00:36:01,000
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
817
00:36:05,980 --> 00:36:07,950
Is this a good
morning or what?
818
00:36:07,950 --> 00:36:11,350
[LAUGHING] Well,
with us today is
819
00:36:11,350 --> 00:36:14,020
Libby Koomba, the
author of this book,
820
00:36:14,020 --> 00:36:16,340
"Mommy, Why Do i Hate Myself?
821
00:36:16,340 --> 00:36:18,670
Self-esteem for
Parent and Child."
822
00:36:18,670 --> 00:36:19,720
Good morning, Libby.
823
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:20,920
Good morning, Grant.
824
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,390
Good morning.
825
00:36:22,390 --> 00:36:26,650
Now, Libby, I'm concerned
with self-esteem.
826
00:36:26,650 --> 00:36:28,570
Personally, I've always
had an odd preference
827
00:36:28,570 --> 00:36:30,310
for a very, very young girls.
828
00:36:30,310 --> 00:36:31,290
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
829
00:36:34,230 --> 00:36:37,170
Wha-- I-- I-- uh--
830
00:36:37,170 --> 00:36:39,570
uh-- being a total prick--
831
00:36:43,020 --> 00:36:47,230
--ly pear-- I--
832
00:36:47,230 --> 00:36:50,050
Why don't we welcome
this audience again, huh?
833
00:36:50,050 --> 00:36:50,750
Good morning!
834
00:36:54,060 --> 00:36:55,960
I make more of the
a mess than Ruby does.
835
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:58,720
All right, you guys, we
have to have a family meeting.
836
00:36:58,720 --> 00:36:59,650
Something's happened.
837
00:36:59,650 --> 00:37:01,310
Oh, no, they've
discovered Nutrisweet
838
00:37:01,310 --> 00:37:03,270
causes you to grow a third eye.
839
00:37:03,270 --> 00:37:04,910
Can I just say that
everything's gonna be fine.
840
00:37:04,910 --> 00:37:06,210
Yeah, it's not a big deal.
841
00:37:06,210 --> 00:37:07,800
You should just wear
a patch over it.
842
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:08,800
Working out a plan.
843
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,730
Yeah, there's this
surgeon in Paris.
844
00:37:10,730 --> 00:37:12,330
He'll just remove it for free.
845
00:37:12,330 --> 00:37:13,220
Just don't panic.
846
00:37:13,220 --> 00:37:13,950
It's not contagious.
847
00:37:13,950 --> 00:37:14,970
Would you shut up?
848
00:37:14,970 --> 00:37:15,840
I just got fired.
849
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,820
[GASPS]
850
00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:18,820
Yeah.
851
00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:19,660
Oh, my god.
852
00:37:19,660 --> 00:37:21,450
What happened?
853
00:37:21,450 --> 00:37:23,600
SAMMY: You got fired?
854
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,550
I mean, that just
screws up my whole idea
855
00:37:25,550 --> 00:37:27,120
of good and evil and--
856
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,090
It's not like I had a
hysterectomy or anything.
857
00:37:29,090 --> 00:37:30,280
I just-- you know, I got fired.
858
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,450
I'll find something
else, you know?
859
00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:34,910
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
860
00:37:34,910 --> 00:37:37,100
You're hired!
861
00:37:37,100 --> 00:37:38,180
I need a part-timer.
862
00:37:38,180 --> 00:37:38,990
You need a job.
863
00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,280
That will be so cool.
864
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,420
It's only like $5, no big deal.
865
00:37:42,420 --> 00:37:43,590
But it's a pretty
good opportunity.
866
00:37:43,590 --> 00:37:44,690
Yeah, it's a dream come true.
867
00:37:44,690 --> 00:37:46,370
It is!
868
00:37:46,370 --> 00:37:49,140
You know, Vick, I said
I'm working on a plan.
869
00:37:49,140 --> 00:37:50,910
Yeah, so what's the plan?
870
00:37:50,910 --> 00:37:55,670
I'm not gonna work at the
Gap, for Christ's sake, OK?
871
00:37:55,670 --> 00:37:56,640
No.
I mean--
872
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,220
- Oh, no.
- What I meant was--
873
00:37:58,220 --> 00:37:59,310
I'm so sorry.
874
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:00,580
I didn't mean anything.
875
00:38:00,580 --> 00:38:03,590
Oh, how stupid of me to try
to drag you down to my level.
876
00:38:03,590 --> 00:38:06,590
Vickie, don't do this, OK?
877
00:38:06,590 --> 00:38:07,640
Shut up.
878
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:08,340
Come on.
879
00:38:08,340 --> 00:38:10,740
This is just-- you
know I didn't mean it.
880
00:38:10,740 --> 00:38:11,440
Vickie--
881
00:38:15,380 --> 00:38:16,540
[DOOR CLOSES]
882
00:38:16,540 --> 00:38:17,840
[ ♪♪ THE TRAMMPS,
"DISCO INFERNO"]
883
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,300
Burn, baby, burn.
884
00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:25,240
Burn, baby, burn.
885
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:27,210
Burn, baby, burn.
886
00:38:27,210 --> 00:38:28,690
Disco inferno!
887
00:38:28,690 --> 00:38:30,170
Burn, baby, burn.
888
00:38:30,170 --> 00:38:32,630
Burn that mother down, y'all.
889
00:38:32,630 --> 00:38:36,090
Burn, baby, burn.
890
00:38:36,090 --> 00:38:37,410
TROY: You see,
this is where Troy
891
00:38:37,410 --> 00:38:39,580
was fired from his 11th job.
892
00:38:39,580 --> 00:38:41,360
He was an illustrious
office cleaner.
893
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,720
LELAINA: [LAUGHING].
894
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,190
Now if you'll come
this way, please,
895
00:38:44,190 --> 00:38:46,830
we will continue our short
but happy walking tour
896
00:38:46,830 --> 00:38:49,750
of the career of Troy Dyer.
897
00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:52,810
And here we have
the newsstand, where
898
00:38:52,810 --> 00:38:56,570
Troy dared to ask the question,
are employee snacks subsidized?
899
00:38:56,570 --> 00:38:59,260
- [LAUGHING]
- The answer?
900
00:38:59,260 --> 00:39:01,240
Tragically, no.
901
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:05,740
In total, he has been fired
from, yes, count them, 12 jobs.
902
00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:07,330
12?
Ouch.
903
00:39:07,330 --> 00:39:10,000
So you shouldn't feel so bad.
904
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,910
One of these mornings I'm
gonna wake up before noon and--
905
00:39:13,910 --> 00:39:15,340
Yeah, right.
906
00:39:15,340 --> 00:39:19,450
I'm gonna turn on the TV, and
there Bryant Gumbel will be.
907
00:39:19,450 --> 00:39:22,170
And he'll say, today
we have with us
908
00:39:22,170 --> 00:39:25,680
the Pulitzer-prize-winning
documentarian Lelaina Pierce.
909
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:31,330
Lelaina, after your first
film, "Why Barbie is Bad,"
910
00:39:31,330 --> 00:39:34,270
you seem to have forgotten
all about your best
911
00:39:34,270 --> 00:39:35,980
friend Troy Dyer.
912
00:39:35,980 --> 00:39:37,260
Troy who?
913
00:39:37,260 --> 00:39:38,600
What was that name again?
914
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,950
Oh, right through the heart.
915
00:39:41,950 --> 00:39:44,320
I'll probably be working
at the Whole Foods,
916
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,780
you know, playing
warehouses, hanging
917
00:39:45,780 --> 00:39:47,110
around places like
the Radio Shack,
918
00:39:47,110 --> 00:39:48,590
screaming that I
used to know you.
919
00:39:48,590 --> 00:39:50,410
And you'll be there
in the lights,
920
00:39:50,410 --> 00:39:52,790
and you'll be all
beautiful and shit.
921
00:39:52,790 --> 00:39:54,820
Oh, Troy, no, no, no, no.
922
00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,260
That'll never happen.
923
00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:58,280
They would never hire
you at Whole Foods.
924
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:05,490
You see, Lainie, this is all
we need, a couple of smokes,
925
00:40:05,490 --> 00:40:11,570
a cup of coffee, and a
little bit of conversation.
926
00:40:11,570 --> 00:40:13,540
You and me and five bucks.
927
00:40:13,540 --> 00:40:15,980
You got it.
928
00:40:15,980 --> 00:40:17,940
- You know what?
- Hm?
929
00:40:25,260 --> 00:40:26,510
No.
No.
930
00:40:26,510 --> 00:40:27,710
- What?
- No.
931
00:40:27,710 --> 00:40:28,580
Troy, I can't.
I can't.
932
00:40:28,580 --> 00:40:30,210
Why not?
You never thought about it?
933
00:40:30,210 --> 00:40:33,560
Well, yes, of
course I have, but I--
934
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:34,260
But what?
935
00:40:34,260 --> 00:40:36,020
I can't not be
friends with you, OK?
936
00:40:36,020 --> 00:40:37,260
I just-- I can't--
- I don't want that.
937
00:40:37,260 --> 00:40:38,390
That's not what
I'm talking about.
938
00:40:38,390 --> 00:40:39,520
I'm talking about a--
939
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,410
you know, evolving.
940
00:40:41,410 --> 00:40:43,830
But I just can't
handle this right now.
941
00:40:43,830 --> 00:40:46,150
I can't evolve right now.
942
00:40:46,150 --> 00:40:47,940
Why not?
943
00:40:47,940 --> 00:40:49,460
Because of Michael?
- No.
944
00:40:52,020 --> 00:40:53,480
Yeah.
Yes.
945
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:54,180
Yes.
946
00:41:06,830 --> 00:41:09,050
My parents got
divorced when I was 14.
947
00:41:09,050 --> 00:41:15,380
My dad-- ta-da-- he remarried
six months after the divorce.
948
00:41:15,380 --> 00:41:16,490
VICKIE: Wow, that's quick.
949
00:41:16,490 --> 00:41:17,290
How did everybody react?
950
00:41:17,290 --> 00:41:19,050
Yeah.
951
00:41:19,050 --> 00:41:22,440
Um, my mom threatened to
kill herself in front of me.
952
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,950
Patty got drunk in her
closet every morning
953
00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:26,640
before junior high school.
954
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:27,910
VICKIE: And you?
955
00:41:27,910 --> 00:41:34,700
Well, I-- somebody had to
remember to take out the trash,
956
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,950
sign the report
cards, buy the milk.
957
00:41:36,950 --> 00:41:41,900
So, um, that kinda
ended up being me.
958
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:43,130
I don't wanna get
married because I
959
00:41:43,130 --> 00:41:45,260
see how my parents are.
960
00:41:45,260 --> 00:41:48,680
And they've been together
like, um, 26 years.
961
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,700
And they're like brother
and sister at this point.
962
00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:54,460
My mother goes to the
bathroom with the door open.
963
00:41:54,460 --> 00:41:56,950
That's A. And B, it's-- it's--
964
00:41:56,950 --> 00:41:57,700
it's disgusting.
965
00:41:57,700 --> 00:41:59,110
I-- I just don't want
any part of that.
966
00:41:59,110 --> 00:42:00,500
I want first kisses.
967
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:03,180
I want passion the
whole way through.
968
00:42:03,180 --> 00:42:04,820
It's better than having
to kiss your husband's
969
00:42:04,820 --> 00:42:07,840
ass all the time.
970
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,760
Yeah.
971
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,350
I think that your
documentary would
972
00:42:11,350 --> 00:42:12,490
be perfect for In Your Face.
973
00:42:14,610 --> 00:42:15,640
See?
Forget it.
974
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:16,210
It's just--
- No!
975
00:42:16,210 --> 00:42:18,400
No, you're probably
thinking more like, you know,
976
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:19,540
PBS or something.
977
00:42:19,540 --> 00:42:20,440
No.
978
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:21,330
No.
979
00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:22,480
I-- you know what it is, though?
980
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:27,310
It's that I-- boy, OK,
when I made this thing,
981
00:42:27,310 --> 00:42:30,010
I kind of made this
promise to myself
982
00:42:30,010 --> 00:42:31,960
that I wasn't gonna think
about where it was gonna
983
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,410
end up because I didn't
want to unintentionally
984
00:42:35,410 --> 00:42:37,180
commercialize it.
985
00:42:37,180 --> 00:42:38,330
MICHAEL: No, I
think that's great.
986
00:42:38,330 --> 00:42:39,820
I mean, I think you
should definitely
987
00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:42,310
not unintentionally do
anything that you're
988
00:42:42,310 --> 00:42:43,360
not comfortable with.
989
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:44,690
I mean, not that I
would intentionally--
990
00:42:44,690 --> 00:42:46,260
Well, you know, plus, it's--
991
00:42:46,260 --> 00:42:47,790
it's not done yet, you know?
MICHAEL: Right.
992
00:42:47,790 --> 00:42:48,790
I know.
I know.
993
00:42:48,790 --> 00:42:50,140
It was just a stupid--
994
00:42:50,140 --> 00:42:51,330
you know, I just--
995
00:42:51,330 --> 00:42:52,750
I gotta go to New
York on Wednesday
996
00:42:52,750 --> 00:42:56,690
for this huge network meeting
thing, which is totally--
997
00:42:56,690 --> 00:42:58,960
oh, god, you would hate it.
998
00:42:58,960 --> 00:42:59,680
I hate it.
999
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,230
I just-- I just thought
that they would freak out
1000
00:43:02,230 --> 00:43:04,360
over your tapes because they
never see anything that's
1001
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:10,810
really smart and has real,
you know, quality and is good,
1002
00:43:10,810 --> 00:43:12,190
like you and your work.
1003
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:14,500
And I know I'm being selfish.
1004
00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:16,170
And--
1005
00:43:16,170 --> 00:43:17,380
Michael?
1006
00:43:17,380 --> 00:43:24,220
Um, That is literally--
literally-- the nicest thing
1007
00:43:24,220 --> 00:43:27,210
that anyone's ever said to me--
1008
00:43:27,210 --> 00:43:30,340
the sweetest thing that
anyone's ever said to me.
1009
00:43:38,380 --> 00:43:41,420
So what are you doing for
the rest of your morning?
1010
00:43:41,420 --> 00:43:43,280
What-- um, what am I doing?
1011
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,600
What am I doing?
1012
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,100
Oh, well, I have
a job interview.
1013
00:43:48,100 --> 00:43:50,560
Lelaina, this
thing is from 1988.
1014
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,420
I know.
1015
00:43:52,420 --> 00:43:55,360
So you're like six years late.
1016
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:59,670
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1017
00:44:03,110 --> 00:44:05,230
LELAINA: I thought the ad
said that this was a job
1018
00:44:05,230 --> 00:44:07,030
for a production assistant.
1019
00:44:07,030 --> 00:44:07,960
Yes.
1020
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:14,140
You will be assisting me in
the production of videotapes,
1021
00:44:14,140 --> 00:44:14,930
all right?
1022
00:44:14,930 --> 00:44:17,240
You're gonna make
copies for me--
1023
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,080
many copies.
1024
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,070
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1025
00:44:20,070 --> 00:44:21,060
Oh, oh.
1026
00:44:21,060 --> 00:44:25,820
Is this like a-- like
a pirate operation?
1027
00:44:25,820 --> 00:44:27,260
Do I look like
a pirate to you?
1028
00:44:30,430 --> 00:44:32,880
Now, radio is all
instinct, Lelaina.
1029
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,430
Do you know where
all radio comes from?
1030
00:44:35,430 --> 00:44:37,130
The gut.
1031
00:44:37,130 --> 00:44:38,480
It's all in the gut.
1032
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,180
Because when you think on your
feet, gotta go from your gut.
1033
00:44:41,180 --> 00:44:45,500
And my gut is telling me that
this isn't gonna work out.
1034
00:44:45,500 --> 00:44:48,180
Well, maybe your gut's just
saying you're hungry or--
1035
00:44:48,180 --> 00:44:49,790
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
1036
00:44:49,790 --> 00:44:55,040
It's telling me that, uh, you're
overqualified for this job.
1037
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:56,630
I'm really not that smart.
1038
00:44:59,610 --> 00:45:01,040
No offense, sweetie,
but you don't have
1039
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:02,330
any experience on a newspaper.
1040
00:45:02,330 --> 00:45:03,630
You're TV.
1041
00:45:03,630 --> 00:45:06,240
Well, I-- I'm trying to
make like the transition
1042
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:07,910
to print journalism.
- Oh.
1043
00:45:07,910 --> 00:45:08,690
Why?
1044
00:45:08,690 --> 00:45:10,970
Well, newspapers
are the last watchdogs
1045
00:45:10,970 --> 00:45:12,560
of our-- our government.
1046
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:13,970
They enforce the
checks and balances.
1047
00:45:13,970 --> 00:45:15,520
And a half hour of TV
only adds up to one--
1048
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,930
OK, all right.
1049
00:45:17,930 --> 00:45:20,560
Define irony.
1050
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:21,460
Irony.
1051
00:45:21,460 --> 00:45:23,900
Uh, irony.
1052
00:45:23,900 --> 00:45:25,500
It's a noun.
1053
00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:28,640
It's, uh, when
something is ironic.
1054
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,460
It's, uh-- well, I can't,
um, really define irony,
1055
00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:33,460
but I know when I see it.
1056
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:47,370
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1057
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,820
[CHATTER]
1058
00:45:56,820 --> 00:45:58,090
Hey.
1059
00:45:58,090 --> 00:46:00,340
Hey.
Oh, my god.
1060
00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:03,850
I've never been so glad to
see anyone in my entire life.
1061
00:46:03,850 --> 00:46:05,450
This day has been the
biggest nightmare.
1062
00:46:05,450 --> 00:46:08,900
I mean, these job interviews,
Troy, the word vivisection--
1063
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:11,570
a staggering understatement.
1064
00:46:11,570 --> 00:46:13,180
Can you define irony?
1065
00:46:13,180 --> 00:46:15,200
It's when the actual meaning
is the complete opposite
1066
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:16,300
from the literal meaning.
1067
00:46:19,150 --> 00:46:21,530
My god.
1068
00:46:21,530 --> 00:46:24,930
Where were you when
I needed you today?
1069
00:46:24,930 --> 00:46:26,810
Uh, I-- I should go.
1070
00:46:26,810 --> 00:46:28,430
Oh, come on.
1071
00:46:28,430 --> 00:46:30,410
Isn't there some
statute of limitations
1072
00:46:30,410 --> 00:46:32,100
for embarrassing incidents?
1073
00:46:35,020 --> 00:46:36,890
Your bravado is embarrassing.
1074
00:46:40,580 --> 00:46:41,730
Hey.
1075
00:46:41,730 --> 00:46:43,680
Troy, come on.
1076
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,990
You can stay with me
for one cigarette.
1077
00:46:45,990 --> 00:46:48,610
I know you can stay with
me for one cigarette.
1078
00:46:48,610 --> 00:46:52,220
You, me, $5, good
conversation, right?
1079
00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:56,080
Lainie--
1080
00:46:58,980 --> 00:47:01,310
Troy, you haven't
been home in four days.
1081
00:47:01,310 --> 00:47:03,320
I mean, where have
you been sleeping?
1082
00:47:07,260 --> 00:47:08,250
I gotta go.
1083
00:47:15,660 --> 00:47:18,700
Mom, I need to talk
to you about a loan.
1084
00:47:25,140 --> 00:47:25,940
Is it for drugs?
1085
00:47:28,830 --> 00:47:29,840
No.
1086
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,340
No, it's not for drugs.
1087
00:47:31,340 --> 00:47:32,300
I was f--
1088
00:47:32,300 --> 00:47:35,360
I lost my job.
1089
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,010
But you shouldn't
have any trouble finding
1090
00:47:37,010 --> 00:47:38,580
another job, sugar booger.
1091
00:47:38,580 --> 00:47:39,900
No, see, I tried.
1092
00:47:39,900 --> 00:47:42,660
I applied for every single
opening in my field.
1093
00:47:42,660 --> 00:47:47,370
But there's just--
there's nothing right now.
1094
00:47:47,370 --> 00:47:48,370
Hm.
1095
00:47:48,370 --> 00:47:53,320
Well, then I hate to say
it, but times are hard.
1096
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,980
You're just gonna have
to swallow your pride.
1097
00:47:56,980 --> 00:47:58,930
Why don't you get a
job at Burger-Rama?
1098
00:47:58,930 --> 00:48:00,020
They'll hire you.
1099
00:48:00,020 --> 00:48:02,960
My lord, I saw on the TV
they had this little retarded
1100
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,250
boy working the cash register.
1101
00:48:06,250 --> 00:48:09,770
Because I'm not retarded, Mom.
1102
00:48:09,770 --> 00:48:13,230
I was valedictorian
of my university.
1103
00:48:13,230 --> 00:48:16,410
Well, you don't have to put
that down on your application.
1104
00:48:16,410 --> 00:48:20,890
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1105
00:48:24,370 --> 00:48:26,870
Miss Pierce, do you have
any idea what it means to be
1106
00:48:26,870 --> 00:48:29,280
a cashier at Wienerschnizle.
1107
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:33,000
Yeah, it's, uh, taking orders
and making change and, uh,
1108
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,970
taking--
- No.
1109
00:48:34,970 --> 00:48:36,440
It's a juggling act.
1110
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,390
A juggling act.
1111
00:48:38,390 --> 00:48:40,510
You mean, like, metaphorically?
1112
00:48:40,510 --> 00:48:41,270
No.
1113
00:48:41,270 --> 00:48:43,630
I mean, you've got people
coming at you from the front,
1114
00:48:43,630 --> 00:48:46,220
coming at you from the
back, from the side,
1115
00:48:46,220 --> 00:48:48,200
people at the
condiment exchange,
1116
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,310
people at the drive-through,
kids on bikes.
1117
00:48:51,310 --> 00:48:53,260
And they're all
depending on who?
1118
00:48:53,260 --> 00:48:54,820
- Me?
- Yeah.
1119
00:48:54,820 --> 00:48:56,780
Hey, you got time to
lean, you got time
1120
00:48:56,780 --> 00:48:58,460
to clean, buddy, all right?
1121
00:48:58,460 --> 00:49:02,790
You gotta be 150% on your
toes 150% of the time.
1122
00:49:02,790 --> 00:49:03,830
There you go, sir.
1123
00:49:03,830 --> 00:49:05,930
And have a 'tude, wiener dude.
1124
00:49:05,930 --> 00:49:07,900
All righty.
1125
00:49:07,900 --> 00:49:10,330
OK, I'm gonna throw a
few numbers out at you,
1126
00:49:10,330 --> 00:49:12,740
and you put them together in
your head as quick as you can,
1127
00:49:12,740 --> 00:49:14,580
OK?
- OK.
1128
00:49:14,580 --> 00:49:16,890
85 and 45-- go.
1129
00:49:16,890 --> 00:49:18,200
140.
1130
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:18,910
Nope.
1131
00:49:18,910 --> 00:49:20,350
150.
1132
00:49:20,350 --> 00:49:21,380
Nope.
1133
00:49:21,380 --> 00:49:22,330
160.
1134
00:49:22,330 --> 00:49:24,280
It's not an auction.
1135
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:27,420
Miss Pierce, there's a reason
I've been here six months.
1136
00:49:46,550 --> 00:49:48,270
WEATHERMAN: --for
the entire summertime
1137
00:49:48,270 --> 00:49:50,130
occurring in one day.
[PHONE DIALING]
1138
00:49:50,130 --> 00:49:52,060
Then last night we had
snow reports in Utah,
1139
00:49:52,060 --> 00:49:55,430
today reports of I-70 shut in
Colorado due to the snowfall.
1140
00:49:55,430 --> 00:49:56,900
And now that very
strong jet stream.
1141
00:49:56,900 --> 00:49:58,090
WOMAN (ON PHONE): (INDIAN
ACCENT) Royalton Hotel.
1142
00:49:58,090 --> 00:49:59,530
Oh, hi.
Is this the Royalton Hotel?
1143
00:49:59,530 --> 00:50:00,930
WOMAN (ON PHONE):
That's what I said.
1144
00:50:00,930 --> 00:50:01,710
Oh, sorry.
1145
00:50:01,710 --> 00:50:03,270
I didn't hear you.
1146
00:50:03,270 --> 00:50:04,320
I'm looking for a guest there.
1147
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:05,350
His name is Michael Grates.
1148
00:50:05,350 --> 00:50:06,510
Hold one moment, please.
1149
00:50:10,700 --> 00:50:11,730
That guest is out.
1150
00:50:11,730 --> 00:50:13,220
Would you like to
leave a message?
1151
00:50:13,220 --> 00:50:14,480
Oh, no, that's OK.
1152
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:16,050
I'll just try again later.
Thanks.
1153
00:50:19,460 --> 00:50:22,880
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1154
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:25,620
Hi, I'm Cheryl Goode,
and welcome to "Wedgie,"
1155
00:50:25,620 --> 00:50:27,300
the world of hip couture.
1156
00:50:27,300 --> 00:50:29,490
This week we're in South
Central Los Angeles
1157
00:50:29,490 --> 00:50:31,650
at the intersection of
Florence and Normandie,
1158
00:50:31,650 --> 00:50:33,990
the flash point of fashion.
1159
00:50:33,990 --> 00:50:36,540
The phattest gangsta trend
will increase your peace.
1160
00:50:36,540 --> 00:50:40,230
This bandanna by Donna Karan is
blue for Crips, red for Bloods,
1161
00:50:40,230 --> 00:50:41,910
and only costs $75.
1162
00:50:41,910 --> 00:50:42,900
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
1163
00:50:42,900 --> 00:50:44,640
Oo, lately, I'm in a
life-limbo, looking
1164
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:46,370
out of a smudged-up window.
1165
00:50:46,370 --> 00:50:48,850
We're not sure, where
our lives are going.
1166
00:50:48,850 --> 00:50:50,840
Crazy sucker outside
but yet we're slowing.
1167
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:53,320
Don't know where our next
dollar's comin' from,
1168
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,300
livin' the life of
a poor musician.
1169
00:50:55,300 --> 00:50:57,780
Hairline's gone so
he keeps his 9 to 5.
1170
00:50:57,780 --> 00:50:58,870
Grubby, grubby--
1171
00:50:58,870 --> 00:50:59,770
[DEATH METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
1172
00:50:59,770 --> 00:51:02,740
I seek the world, dead!
Dead!
1173
00:51:12,170 --> 00:51:14,230
SAMMY: Lainie, have you see
a pack of guitar strings?
1174
00:51:14,230 --> 00:51:16,160
I have to bring
them to the club.
1175
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,160
You know, I hope he
knows that he still has
1176
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,690
to pay some rent around here.
1177
00:51:20,690 --> 00:51:23,870
I mean, I don't
know where he thinks
1178
00:51:23,870 --> 00:51:27,010
he's spending his nights, but--
1179
00:51:27,010 --> 00:51:27,940
do you know?
1180
00:51:30,580 --> 00:51:32,820
I'm late for a
jean-folding seminar.
1181
00:51:32,820 --> 00:51:33,850
Let's locomote.
1182
00:51:33,850 --> 00:51:41,200
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1183
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:43,050
Now you can call your own
personal psychic anytime,
1184
00:51:43,050 --> 00:51:46,600
24 hours a day, thanks
to the nationwide Psychic
1185
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,050
Discovery Network.
1186
00:51:48,050 --> 00:51:50,370
You can pick up the
phone and talk directly
1187
00:51:50,370 --> 00:51:51,840
with an established,
professional psychic in
1188
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,180
the privacy of your own home.
1189
00:51:54,180 --> 00:51:57,550
I was unhappy in my career,
and I needed a change.
1190
00:51:57,550 --> 00:51:58,780
But I didn't know what to do.
1191
00:51:58,780 --> 00:52:00,390
LELAINA: It's just
that nothing is
1192
00:52:00,390 --> 00:52:02,110
going down according to plan.
1193
00:52:02,110 --> 00:52:02,950
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Uh-huh.
1194
00:52:02,950 --> 00:52:06,790
LELAINA: I mean,
my best friend--
1195
00:52:06,790 --> 00:52:08,750
I feel like I've
lost him forever.
1196
00:52:08,750 --> 00:52:13,760
And he was like my
touchstone, you know?
1197
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:15,540
WOMAN (ON PHONE): This
man, does his name start
1198
00:52:15,540 --> 00:52:16,800
with the letter N?
1199
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:21,580
Because I've got a very
strong N vibration.
1200
00:52:21,580 --> 00:52:22,890
LELAINA: Newssand!
1201
00:52:22,890 --> 00:52:24,110
N-- newsstand.
1202
00:52:24,110 --> 00:52:25,140
He used to work at a newsstand.
1203
00:52:25,140 --> 00:52:26,440
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Uh-huh.
1204
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:29,370
LELAINA: Oh, god,
this is unbelievable.
1205
00:52:29,370 --> 00:52:32,510
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Honey,
that's not all I'm getting.
1206
00:52:32,510 --> 00:52:33,630
LELAINA: I mean,
there are people
1207
00:52:33,630 --> 00:52:36,540
I know from high
school who are already
1208
00:52:36,540 --> 00:52:39,650
married and having babies.
1209
00:52:39,650 --> 00:52:41,940
I mean, babies, OK?
1210
00:52:41,940 --> 00:52:44,170
I can't even take
care of a Chia Pet.
1211
00:52:44,170 --> 00:52:46,070
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Well, honey,
I didn't have kids until I
1212
00:52:46,070 --> 00:52:47,940
was on my third husband.
1213
00:52:47,940 --> 00:52:48,810
Oh, really?
1214
00:52:48,810 --> 00:52:49,810
WOMAN (ON PHONE): All Geminis.
1215
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:56,190
LELAINA: You know
what I think, Denelle?
1216
00:52:56,190 --> 00:52:58,540
I think you still
really love Monty.
1217
00:52:58,540 --> 00:53:00,120
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Yeah,
you're probably right.
1218
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:01,830
But it don't matter now.
1219
00:53:01,830 --> 00:53:04,080
LELAINA: Oh yes,
it does, Denelle.
1220
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,770
I know you're afraid.
1221
00:53:06,770 --> 00:53:09,150
But you've got to find
him, and you've got to tell
1222
00:53:09,150 --> 00:53:10,970
him how you really feel.
1223
00:53:10,970 --> 00:53:11,920
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Find him?
1224
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:13,670
I got five mouths to feed.
1225
00:53:13,670 --> 00:53:14,530
VICKIE: Lelaina?
1226
00:53:14,530 --> 00:53:16,160
WOMAN (ON PHONE): --a
mortgage that's killing me.
1227
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:17,430
VICKIE: We need to talk to you.
1228
00:53:21,030 --> 00:53:21,730
Hold on, Denelle.
1229
00:53:21,730 --> 00:53:22,430
Mm.
1230
00:53:22,430 --> 00:53:23,550
Hold on.
1231
00:53:23,550 --> 00:53:24,750
I'm on the phone.
1232
00:53:24,750 --> 00:53:25,590
Yeah.
1233
00:53:25,590 --> 00:53:26,370
I can see that.
1234
00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:30,990
And we have a $406 phone
bill, mainly due to some calls
1235
00:53:30,990 --> 00:53:32,790
to 1-900 number.
1236
00:53:32,790 --> 00:53:35,190
WOMAN (ON PHONE): Lelaina, I'm
sensing you're in some trouble.
1237
00:53:35,190 --> 00:53:36,050
Now, why don't we--
1238
00:53:36,050 --> 00:53:37,920
VICKIE: Listen, we'd help you
out, but we're broke, too,
1239
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,320
and you know we can't
afford a new deposit
1240
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:40,570
if the phone gets shut off.
1241
00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:47,580
Maybe you could, uh, borrow
the money from Michael.
1242
00:53:47,580 --> 00:53:50,300
Ugh, no, Sammy.
Jesus.
1243
00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:52,570
VICKIE: Lainie,
what are you doing?
1244
00:53:52,570 --> 00:53:54,890
What are you doing?
You lay on that couch all day.
1245
00:53:54,890 --> 00:53:58,250
Those pajamas are like your
uniform, you run up a $400
1246
00:53:58,250 --> 00:54:00,680
phone bill, you watch
TV, you chain smoke,
1247
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,020
you don't go outside,
you don't do anything.
1248
00:54:03,020 --> 00:54:06,020
Man, you are in the "Bell Jar."
1249
00:54:06,020 --> 00:54:09,830
Look, this is my apartment.
1250
00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:11,390
I signed the lease.
1251
00:54:11,390 --> 00:54:14,870
I let you move in here when
you had no job, no money,
1252
00:54:14,870 --> 00:54:16,600
and you sponged off
me for two months!
1253
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:17,670
Sponged?
Uh-huh.
1254
00:54:17,670 --> 00:54:20,490
And now, Miss Big Power
Marm's, I'm manager of the Gap
1255
00:54:20,490 --> 00:54:23,900
now, you think you can just
come in here and push me around!
1256
00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:25,640
She's not being pushy.
1257
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:27,000
Sammy, what are
you even doing here?
1258
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,970
You don't live here!
1259
00:54:28,970 --> 00:54:31,310
Hey, my little
unemployed waif!
1260
00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:34,190
You're the one who's
looking for work now, OK?
1261
00:54:34,190 --> 00:54:37,310
God, you're really
enjoying this, aren't you?
1262
00:54:37,310 --> 00:54:38,120
You're high.
1263
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:42,550
Why don't you go take a walk
outside and get some fresh air?
1264
00:54:42,550 --> 00:54:45,000
You've been waiting for
this since the day we met.
1265
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,040
Oh, who told you that,
your psychic partner?
1266
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,160
I'll tell you the problem
with your generation.
1267
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:55,650
You don't have any work ethic.
1268
00:54:55,650 --> 00:54:57,880
Now, you take your
friend Troy, for example.
1269
00:54:57,880 --> 00:54:59,900
I went out of my way to set
up an interview for him,
1270
00:54:59,900 --> 00:55:03,580
and he didn't even
bother to show up.
1271
00:55:03,580 --> 00:55:06,540
That wasn't his fault. He--
he asked me to call and cancel,
1272
00:55:06,540 --> 00:55:09,670
and everything was going
on, and it slipped my mind.
1273
00:55:09,670 --> 00:55:11,170
I'm sorry.
1274
00:55:11,170 --> 00:55:13,300
But, you know, I have
a work ethic, Dad.
1275
00:55:13,300 --> 00:55:15,620
I have a very strong work ethic.
- Good.
1276
00:55:15,620 --> 00:55:16,450
You know, ask anyone.
1277
00:55:16,450 --> 00:55:20,670
Then all you got to do
is show some ingenuity.
1278
00:55:20,670 --> 00:55:22,570
Darlin', I love you, and I
hate to break your plate,
1279
00:55:22,570 --> 00:55:24,230
but you gotta grow up sometime.
1280
00:55:24,230 --> 00:55:27,270
Now, I want you to go out there
and show me some ingenuity, hm?
1281
00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:35,750
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1282
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,730
Let me talk with you, my baby.
1283
00:55:46,730 --> 00:55:52,220
It is bad to say that maybe
it is time for you to say we.
1284
00:55:52,220 --> 00:55:56,710
Came to share a point of view,
living in the never-never,
1285
00:55:56,710 --> 00:55:59,210
dropping out of here together.
1286
00:55:59,210 --> 00:56:04,200
I could spend some time
forever with a girl like you.
1287
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:09,190
Let me hear you
say, let's go, ooh.
1288
00:56:09,190 --> 00:56:14,670
You wanna turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah.
1289
00:56:14,670 --> 00:56:17,670
Let's go.
1290
00:56:17,670 --> 00:56:19,170
Ooh.
1291
00:56:19,170 --> 00:56:23,660
You wanna turn it in,
turn it into heaven
1292
00:56:23,660 --> 00:56:27,650
right here on Earth.
1293
00:56:27,650 --> 00:56:29,150
Lookin' for tomorrow.
1294
00:56:32,140 --> 00:56:39,130
Can you see us one day
beg or steal or borrow.
1295
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:43,120
We could live forever.
1296
00:56:47,110 --> 00:56:50,660
Never to say never.
1297
00:56:50,660 --> 00:56:52,140
You will be for me.
1298
00:56:52,140 --> 00:56:55,090
I will fight for you.
1299
00:56:55,090 --> 00:56:59,520
Let's go, ooh.
1300
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:03,740
You wanna turn it in,
turn it into heaven.
1301
00:57:03,740 --> 00:57:04,440
Yeah.
1302
00:57:07,890 --> 00:57:09,940
Well, that solves
our first problem.
1303
00:57:09,940 --> 00:57:12,860
Rent's due this week.
1304
00:57:12,860 --> 00:57:14,240
[DOOR OPENS]
1305
00:57:15,630 --> 00:57:18,700
Well, well look
who finally decided
1306
00:57:18,700 --> 00:57:23,510
to grace us with his presence.
1307
00:57:23,510 --> 00:57:25,710
This is-- this is, uh Jeanne.
1308
00:57:25,710 --> 00:57:28,050
Jenine.
1309
00:57:28,050 --> 00:57:29,590
Uh, Jenine.
Jenine.
1310
00:57:29,590 --> 00:57:31,910
It was a little
loud in the club.
1311
00:57:31,910 --> 00:57:34,590
Excuse me.
1312
00:57:34,590 --> 00:57:36,890
You can't stay here, Troy.
1313
00:57:36,890 --> 00:57:39,070
TROY: I'm just gonna
pick something up.
1314
00:57:39,070 --> 00:57:40,870
Well.
1315
00:57:40,870 --> 00:57:42,550
Mission accomplished.
1316
00:57:42,550 --> 00:57:43,780
Now leave.
1317
00:57:43,780 --> 00:57:45,130
I think maybe I'm gonna wait--
1318
00:57:45,130 --> 00:57:48,740
TROY: Always the mistress
of etiquette, huh, Lelaina?
1319
00:57:48,740 --> 00:57:51,190
Just out of curiosity, why
are you suddenly acting
1320
00:57:51,190 --> 00:57:52,410
like a jealous girlfriend?
1321
00:57:52,410 --> 00:57:54,970
All right, we're just
trying to pay bills here, OK?
1322
00:57:54,970 --> 00:57:56,440
So Troy, if you got any money--
1323
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:57,660
LELAINA: Money?
1324
00:57:57,660 --> 00:58:01,450
Oh, but what's money to an
artist, to a philosopher?
1325
00:58:01,450 --> 00:58:04,480
It's just, uh, green-colored
paper that floats in
1326
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,380
and out of his life like snow.
1327
00:58:06,380 --> 00:58:08,710
It's nothing you actually have
to, I don't know, work for,
1328
00:58:08,710 --> 00:58:09,700
is it, Troy?
1329
00:58:09,700 --> 00:58:12,010
No, not if you have
daddy's little gas card.
1330
00:58:12,010 --> 00:58:13,300
You shut up!
1331
00:58:13,300 --> 00:58:14,000
You shut up!
1332
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,090
I busted my ass to
find a job, any job.
1333
00:58:16,090 --> 00:58:18,460
You don't even bother
showing up for interviews.
1334
00:58:18,460 --> 00:58:19,790
What is it that you
want from me, huh?
1335
00:58:19,790 --> 00:58:20,490
What is it?
1336
00:58:20,490 --> 00:58:22,540
You want me to get a job on
the line for the next 20 years
1337
00:58:22,540 --> 00:58:24,670
until I'm granted leave
with my gold-plated watch
1338
00:58:24,670 --> 00:58:26,920
and my balls full of tumors
cause I surrendered the one
1339
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:28,420
thing that means shit to me?
1340
00:58:28,420 --> 00:58:29,530
Well, honey, you
can just exhale,
1341
00:58:29,530 --> 00:58:33,310
cause it's not going to
happen, not in this lifetime.
1342
00:58:33,310 --> 00:58:34,220
All right, fine.
1343
00:58:34,220 --> 00:58:35,470
You don't want to work?
Fine!
1344
00:58:35,470 --> 00:58:35,830
Don't work.
1345
00:58:35,830 --> 00:58:36,630
TROY: Lainie, goddammit!
1346
00:58:36,630 --> 00:58:39,170
You want to be a band,
then be a goddamn band!
1347
00:58:39,170 --> 00:58:42,560
Rehearse every day and play--
play three times a night!
1348
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:46,790
Don't just dick around the same
coffee house for five years!
1349
00:58:46,790 --> 00:58:49,750
Don't dick around
with her, or with me!
1350
00:58:49,750 --> 00:58:51,710
I mean, try something
for once in your life!
1351
00:58:51,710 --> 00:58:52,610
Do something about it!
1352
00:58:52,610 --> 00:58:53,730
But you know what?
1353
00:58:53,730 --> 00:58:56,330
You better do it now, and
you better do it fast.
1354
00:58:56,330 --> 00:58:58,710
Because the world doesn't
owe you any favors.
1355
00:58:58,710 --> 00:59:00,710
And whether you know it or
not, you're on the inside track
1356
00:59:00,710 --> 00:59:03,680
to Loserville,
USA, just like him.
1357
00:59:14,850 --> 00:59:17,860
OK, it's just too psychotic
in here now, all right?
1358
00:59:17,860 --> 00:59:20,580
Lelaina, let's go for a walk.
1359
00:59:20,580 --> 00:59:23,080
Fine.
1360
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:24,580
Come on, man.
Let him go.
1361
00:59:28,460 --> 00:59:32,180
Pleasure, my
friends, with pleasure.
1362
00:59:32,180 --> 00:59:33,800
With pleasure-- you
know who I really feel
1363
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:35,270
sorry for is that poor girl.
1364
00:59:35,270 --> 00:59:36,080
Oh, oh!
1365
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:38,260
How about when he sneaks
his laundry in with ours?
1366
00:59:38,260 --> 00:59:39,930
It's like I'm pulling that
stuff out of the dryer,
1367
00:59:39,930 --> 00:59:41,440
and there's five
pairs of his boxers
1368
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:42,840
I just washed unknowingly.
1369
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:44,240
No, I'll just throw
it back in his face.
1370
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:45,750
Yeah, like I'm gonna
do his laundry.
1371
00:59:45,750 --> 00:59:47,580
Yeah.
- He's weird.
1372
00:59:47,580 --> 00:59:49,130
He's strange.
He's sloppy.
1373
00:59:49,130 --> 00:59:51,600
He's a total
nightmare for women.
1374
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:55,590
I can't believe I haven't
slept with him yet.
1375
00:59:55,590 --> 00:59:58,190
Do you ever wish
you were a lesbian?
1376
00:59:58,190 --> 00:59:59,830
Don't you think it
would be so much easier?
1377
01:00:02,500 --> 01:00:03,770
Sometimes.
1378
01:00:03,770 --> 01:00:07,000
But I couldn't go
through with it.
1379
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,710
It's start laughing
or something.
1380
01:00:09,710 --> 01:00:12,070
But it's such a shame.
1381
01:00:12,070 --> 01:00:14,780
Cause I am so through with men.
1382
01:00:14,780 --> 01:00:18,490
One more guy walks out on me, I
don't even know what, I swear.
1383
01:00:18,490 --> 01:00:20,070
What are you talking about?
1384
01:00:20,070 --> 01:00:20,770
Walk out on you?
1385
01:00:20,770 --> 01:00:23,350
You walk out on them.
I've seen you.
1386
01:00:23,350 --> 01:00:27,130
You're out the door before
the condom comes off.
1387
01:00:27,130 --> 01:00:29,400
Listen to me, I'm just
beating them to the punch.
1388
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:30,100
OK.
1389
01:00:33,420 --> 01:00:34,200
You don't even know.
1390
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:36,830
I'm sitting here maybe--
1391
01:00:39,620 --> 01:00:41,100
probably dying of AIDS.
1392
01:00:48,420 --> 01:00:50,310
And I am totally alone.
1393
01:00:55,740 --> 01:01:04,010
Vickie, you're not alone.
1394
01:01:04,010 --> 01:01:06,350
Hey.
1395
01:01:06,350 --> 01:01:08,660
I'm sorry for everything I said.
1396
01:01:08,660 --> 01:01:11,960
And I'm sorry for
being such a bitch.
1397
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:14,950
But I have to tell
you, you're not alone.
1398
01:01:14,950 --> 01:01:15,910
You're not.
1399
01:01:15,910 --> 01:01:18,060
And you're not dying of AIDS.
1400
01:01:18,060 --> 01:01:18,990
You don't understand.
1401
01:01:18,990 --> 01:01:23,280
Every day, all day, it's
all that I think about, OK?
1402
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:24,990
Every time I sneeze,
it's like I'm
1403
01:01:24,990 --> 01:01:27,710
four sneezes away from hospice.
1404
01:01:27,710 --> 01:01:29,430
And it's like it's not
even happening to me.
1405
01:01:29,430 --> 01:01:31,890
It's like I'm watching it on
some crappy show like "Melrose
1406
01:01:31,890 --> 01:01:33,150
Place" or some shit, right?
1407
01:01:33,150 --> 01:01:34,080
And I'm the new character.
1408
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,020
I'm the HIV/AIDS character.
1409
01:01:36,020 --> 01:01:37,650
And I live in the building,
and I teach everybody
1410
01:01:37,650 --> 01:01:38,720
that it's OK to be near me.
1411
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:40,640
It's OK to talk to me.
1412
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:42,580
And then I die.
1413
01:01:42,580 --> 01:01:44,200
And there's everybody
at my funeral
1414
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:47,640
wearing halter tops and
chokers or some shit like that.
1415
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:49,810
Vickie, stop, OK?
1416
01:01:49,810 --> 01:01:50,850
Just stop.
1417
01:01:50,850 --> 01:01:52,300
You're freaking out.
1418
01:01:52,300 --> 01:01:53,410
And you know what?
1419
01:01:53,410 --> 01:01:55,540
You're gonna have to deal with
the results, whatever they are.
1420
01:01:55,540 --> 01:01:57,250
We're gonna have to deal
with them just like we've
1421
01:01:57,250 --> 01:01:58,570
dealt with everything else.
1422
01:01:58,570 --> 01:02:00,040
This isn't like
everything else.
1423
01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:02,800
I know that, all right?
1424
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:05,260
But it's gonna be OK, you know?
1425
01:02:05,260 --> 01:02:06,550
I know it's gonna be OK.
1426
01:02:11,930 --> 01:02:13,800
"Melrose Place" is
a really good show.
1427
01:02:17,270 --> 01:02:18,760
[PHONE RINGING]
1428
01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:23,230
[LAUGHING]
1429
01:02:23,230 --> 01:02:26,990
WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
Lelaina Pierce?
1430
01:02:26,990 --> 01:02:29,520
Is there a Lelaina Pierce here?
1431
01:02:33,090 --> 01:02:34,010
Yeah.
1432
01:02:34,010 --> 01:02:36,430
[LAUGHING]
1433
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:41,740
Hello?
1434
01:02:41,740 --> 01:02:42,670
MICHAEL (ON PHONE): Lelaina?
1435
01:02:42,670 --> 01:02:43,420
[LAUGHING] Hi.
1436
01:02:43,420 --> 01:02:45,400
MICHAEL (ON PHONE): Look, I
had to call you right away.
1437
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:46,970
Listen, listen.
Don't kill me, OK?
1438
01:02:46,970 --> 01:02:47,630
LELAINA (ON PHONE): What?
What?
1439
01:02:47,630 --> 01:02:50,020
I-- I took the
tape, and I showed it.
1440
01:02:50,020 --> 01:02:50,720
No.
1441
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:52,270
Now, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
1442
01:02:52,270 --> 01:02:54,780
Listen.
They freaked out.
1443
01:02:54,780 --> 01:02:55,850
They want to buy them.
1444
01:02:55,850 --> 01:02:56,840
No.
1445
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:58,010
MICHAEL (ON PHONE): Yes.
1446
01:02:58,010 --> 01:02:59,140
LELAINA (ON PHONE):
They liked it?
1447
01:02:59,140 --> 01:03:01,820
No, no, I mean they like
psychotically loved it.
1448
01:03:01,820 --> 01:03:03,120
They want to pay you for it.
1449
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:03,900
[LAUGHING]
1450
01:03:03,900 --> 01:03:06,310
I mean, I know this isn't
PBS, but it is this OK?
1451
01:03:06,310 --> 01:03:07,010
Yes!
1452
01:03:07,010 --> 01:03:09,280
I was this close to selling
fruit at intersections.
1453
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:10,710
MICHAEL (ON PHONE):
Well, don't, all right?
1454
01:03:10,710 --> 01:03:11,090
Don't.
1455
01:03:11,090 --> 01:03:12,830
Just hang on, and I'm
gonna get you some money.
1456
01:03:12,830 --> 01:03:14,420
And I'm gonna be down
there in a few days.
1457
01:03:14,420 --> 01:03:15,210
And I just--
1458
01:03:15,210 --> 01:03:16,080
I'm just-- I'm just like--
1459
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:17,840
I'm thinking about
you every second here.
1460
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:19,060
MAN: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
- Hello?
1461
01:03:19,060 --> 01:03:20,930
Hello?
MAN: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
1462
01:03:20,930 --> 01:03:22,640
Hello?
Can you hear me now?
1463
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:24,410
Hello?
- Where are you?
1464
01:03:24,410 --> 01:03:25,280
I'm in a phone booth.
1465
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:25,980
I'm just--
1466
01:03:25,980 --> 01:03:28,580
Why aren't you on
a cellular phone?
1467
01:03:28,580 --> 01:03:29,840
I don't know.
I have no idea.
1468
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:30,650
I just--
1469
01:03:30,650 --> 01:03:32,170
Michael, Michael, Michael, I--
1470
01:03:32,170 --> 01:03:34,050
I really miss you!
1471
01:03:34,050 --> 01:03:35,450
I really miss you, too.
I love you.
1472
01:03:35,450 --> 01:03:36,180
I-- oh, whoa.
1473
01:03:36,180 --> 01:03:37,590
I mean-- I mean--
1474
01:03:37,590 --> 01:03:39,160
you amaze me.
1475
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:41,360
No, you amaze me!
1476
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:42,500
MICHAEL (ON PHONE): Hello?
Hello?
1477
01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:43,660
Can you hear me?
LELAINA (ON PHONE): Hello?
1478
01:03:43,660 --> 01:03:45,020
Hello?
Michael, I'm losing you.
1479
01:03:45,020 --> 01:03:46,390
MAN: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
MICHAEL (ON PHONE): Hello?
1480
01:03:46,390 --> 01:03:47,300
LELAINA (ON PHONE): Hello?
Wait, wait, wait.
1481
01:03:47,300 --> 01:03:47,990
I'm gonna call you back.
1482
01:03:47,990 --> 01:03:48,960
LELAINA (ON PHONE): Michael--
1483
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:50,450
Wait, what?
1484
01:03:50,450 --> 01:03:53,780
[DIAL TONE]
1485
01:03:53,780 --> 01:03:58,600
Pay phone outside
always amazes me.
1486
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:01,520
Hey.
Try me.
1487
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:03,950
I'm free.
1488
01:04:03,950 --> 01:04:06,370
[LAUGHING] Good mag.
1489
01:04:06,370 --> 01:04:09,780
Good mag.
1490
01:04:09,780 --> 01:04:10,780
Negatory.
1491
01:04:10,780 --> 01:04:13,250
[CHEERING]
1492
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:14,230
You hear that?
1493
01:04:14,230 --> 01:04:15,710
Negative!
1494
01:04:15,710 --> 01:04:19,160
Here, let me see that.
1495
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:20,150
Hey, hey!
1496
01:04:20,150 --> 01:04:22,130
All righty!
Woo!
1497
01:04:22,130 --> 01:04:25,210
A celebration zoom.
1498
01:04:25,210 --> 01:04:26,130
Yes.
1499
01:04:26,130 --> 01:04:27,930
OK, enough.
1500
01:04:27,930 --> 01:04:28,790
Ma!
1501
01:04:28,790 --> 01:04:30,790
- I'm right here, son.
- Ma?
1502
01:04:30,790 --> 01:04:32,670
Yeah.
1503
01:04:32,670 --> 01:04:35,510
I have to tell you some--
1504
01:04:35,510 --> 01:04:37,070
thing.
1505
01:04:37,070 --> 01:04:42,470
I am, oh, homo-- s-- sexual.
1506
01:04:42,470 --> 01:04:45,050
Oh, Christ.
1507
01:04:45,050 --> 01:04:46,960
Uh, is there a
support group that I
1508
01:04:46,960 --> 01:04:51,040
can join to help me come to
terms with my own homophobia?
1509
01:04:51,040 --> 01:04:54,630
Yes, there is, a
group which is named
1510
01:04:54,630 --> 01:05:01,330
PFLAG, Parents and Friends
of Lesbians And Gays
1511
01:05:01,330 --> 01:05:02,600
Oh.
1512
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:03,360
Oh.
1513
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:04,910
A flag.
1514
01:05:04,910 --> 01:05:08,950
I'm beginning to like
the sound of that.
1515
01:05:08,950 --> 01:05:10,320
Thank you.
1516
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:13,470
What you've just witnessed here
is a pre-enactment of events
1517
01:05:13,470 --> 01:05:15,840
that are about to take place.
1518
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:17,710
[CLAPPING]
1519
01:05:17,710 --> 01:05:23,570
Well, I came out to her.
1520
01:05:23,570 --> 01:05:29,500
And she's still a
little bit upset.
1521
01:05:29,500 --> 01:05:34,680
But you know, you know, I think
the real reason that I have
1522
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:38,250
been celibate for so long
isn't really because I'm
1523
01:05:38,250 --> 01:05:41,100
that terrified of the
big A, but because I
1524
01:05:41,100 --> 01:05:43,830
can't really start
my life without being
1525
01:05:43,830 --> 01:05:45,700
honest about who I am.
1526
01:05:45,700 --> 01:05:46,690
And--
1527
01:05:46,690 --> 01:05:48,660
[TAPE FAST FORWARDING]
1528
01:05:48,660 --> 01:05:49,880
I want to be in there, too.
1529
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:55,340
I want to feel miserable
and happy and all of that.
1530
01:05:55,340 --> 01:05:56,960
I mean, I--
1531
01:05:56,960 --> 01:06:03,470
I wanna-- I wanna be
let back in the house.
1532
01:06:07,830 --> 01:06:10,730
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
1533
01:06:12,180 --> 01:06:14,120
[KNOCKING]
1534
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:16,560
MICHAEL: Hello?
1535
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:18,200
Oh, hi.
1536
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,690
Um, sorry.
1537
01:06:20,690 --> 01:06:23,430
Just-- door was--
1538
01:06:23,430 --> 01:06:25,910
I guess I just, um--
1539
01:06:25,910 --> 01:06:26,970
Yeah, she's getting dressed.
1540
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:43,210
I'll just--
1541
01:06:43,210 --> 01:06:47,140
[POLICE CAR WAILING IN DISTANCE]
1542
01:06:51,580 --> 01:06:53,350
Oh, I, um, I don't
know if she told you,
1543
01:06:53,350 --> 01:06:55,600
but I just came back from
New York with the tapes
1544
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,010
that she made, and
the stuff of you,
1545
01:06:58,010 --> 01:07:00,460
it's really-- it's
really great stuff.
1546
01:07:00,460 --> 01:07:02,330
Really, that whole--
that whole thing about,
1547
01:07:02,330 --> 01:07:05,080
uh, "nobody can
eat all the eggs?"
1548
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:08,430
That was just really--
1549
01:07:08,430 --> 01:07:09,680
I was quoting
"Cool Hand Luke."
1550
01:07:12,230 --> 01:07:13,160
Yeah, that's OK.
1551
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:14,820
I mean, that's-- that's--
that's-- I know.
1552
01:07:14,820 --> 01:07:17,020
That's-- I mean, you
know, it's still--
1553
01:07:17,020 --> 01:07:19,510
it's--
- Hi.
1554
01:07:22,030 --> 01:07:24,600
Hi.
1555
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:26,160
What happened to
your normal clothes?
1556
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:27,730
Wow, Lelaina, look at you.
1557
01:07:27,730 --> 01:07:30,680
You look-- where'd
you get that dress?
1558
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,680
Oh, um, I don't know.
1559
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:34,130
I just bought it.
1560
01:07:34,130 --> 01:07:35,900
But I think I'm gonna
go change, because--
1561
01:07:35,900 --> 01:07:36,680
MICHAEL: No, don't.
1562
01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:37,610
You look beautiful.
1563
01:07:37,610 --> 01:07:40,510
You look like-- you look like--
1564
01:07:40,510 --> 01:07:41,210
A doily.
1565
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:46,360
I'm gonna change.
1566
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:47,470
No, don't change.
1567
01:07:47,470 --> 01:07:50,100
And don't go thinking for
yourself either, Lainie.
1568
01:07:50,100 --> 01:07:52,920
Hey, what is your glitch, huh?
1569
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:55,290
My glitch?
1570
01:07:55,290 --> 01:07:56,520
You know what?
1571
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:57,760
We're already late.
- No, no, no, no.
1572
01:07:57,760 --> 01:07:59,290
Hang on a second here.
- I don't wanna--
1573
01:07:59,290 --> 01:08:00,120
Look, do you-- no, no.
1574
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:01,530
Do you have like a problem
with me or something?
1575
01:08:01,530 --> 01:08:03,390
Because if you, let's just--
let's just get this out,
1576
01:08:03,390 --> 01:08:04,590
all right?
Seriously, is there like--
1577
01:08:04,590 --> 01:08:08,190
I mean, have I, like, stepped
over some line in the sands
1578
01:08:08,190 --> 01:08:09,540
of coolness with you?
Because--
1579
01:08:09,540 --> 01:08:10,360
LELAINA: Come on.
MICHAEL: Cause-- cause--
1580
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:11,040
LELAINA: Let's
just-- seriously--
1581
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:11,480
MICHAEL: No, no, no, no.
1582
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:12,610
Excuse me if
somebody doesn't know
1583
01:08:12,610 --> 01:08:14,040
the secret handshake with you.
1584
01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:15,730
There's the secret handshake.
1585
01:08:15,730 --> 01:08:17,470
There's an IQ prerequisite.
1586
01:08:17,470 --> 01:08:20,500
But there's no secret handshake.
1587
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:22,080
- I-- this is--
- Come on.
1588
01:08:22,080 --> 01:08:23,250
You-- no--
LELAINA: This is really stupid.
1589
01:08:23,250 --> 01:08:24,420
MICHAEL: This guy
here-- you've got
1590
01:08:24,420 --> 01:08:26,560
like this whole, like, thing
with the world, don't you, huh?
1591
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:27,210
- This is really stupid, OK?
- Boy, no, no.
1592
01:08:27,210 --> 01:08:27,870
That's great.
1593
01:08:27,870 --> 01:08:28,910
That's really wonderful,
but guess what?
1594
01:08:28,910 --> 01:08:29,880
I'm a human being, OK?
1595
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:31,800
We're human beings, people, OK?
1596
01:08:31,800 --> 01:08:35,070
You know, we're not like,
uh, intelligence, you know,
1597
01:08:35,070 --> 01:08:36,450
quotations or whatever.
1598
01:08:36,450 --> 01:08:37,760
- Just ignore him.
- No.
1599
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:38,460
Done.
1600
01:08:42,270 --> 01:08:43,150
Come on.
Let's go.
1601
01:08:43,150 --> 01:08:44,980
You don't need this.
1602
01:08:44,980 --> 01:08:46,110
You don't know what she needs.
1603
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:50,880
I think I know what she needs
in a way that you never will.
1604
01:08:56,670 --> 01:08:57,370
Let's go.
1605
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:04,350
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1606
01:09:04,350 --> 01:09:07,350
Baby, tell me that
my love ain't good.
1607
01:09:07,350 --> 01:09:08,840
I don't treat you right.
1608
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:12,340
I don't do you like I should.
1609
01:09:12,340 --> 01:09:15,130
(WHISPERING) Listen, that's
got to be back here, OK?
1610
01:09:15,130 --> 01:09:17,850
Hi.
- Hi.
1611
01:09:17,850 --> 01:09:18,800
So, you ready?
1612
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:20,940
Um, what's it like?
I mean--
1613
01:09:20,940 --> 01:09:21,730
It's great.
1614
01:09:21,730 --> 01:09:22,930
It's great.
1615
01:09:22,930 --> 01:09:24,930
I mean, I haven't
actually seen it yet.
1616
01:09:24,930 --> 01:09:27,260
But it's-- we had our
best guys working on it.
1617
01:09:27,260 --> 01:09:28,930
And, you know, we
just put some titles
1618
01:09:28,930 --> 01:09:30,710
on, shaped it a little bit.
1619
01:09:30,710 --> 01:09:31,830
It's gonna be great.
1620
01:09:31,830 --> 01:09:32,650
OK.
1621
01:09:32,650 --> 01:09:34,630
[EXHALES] OK.
Thanks.
1622
01:09:34,630 --> 01:09:37,750
OK
1623
01:09:37,750 --> 01:09:38,920
OK, everybody.
1624
01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:42,040
Uh, it's a special night,
because, as you know,
1625
01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:44,160
we're entering into a new
phase here at the channel--
1626
01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:46,300
real programming.
[APPLAUSE]
1627
01:09:46,300 --> 01:09:50,080
And, uh, our first step is this
remarkable piece by Lelaina.
1628
01:09:50,080 --> 01:09:53,250
[APPLAUSE]
1629
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:55,780
So hang on, because
this is gonna change
1630
01:09:55,780 --> 01:09:57,370
the face of In Your Face.
1631
01:09:57,370 --> 01:09:58,860
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLES]
1632
01:10:01,350 --> 01:10:06,320
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1633
01:10:26,690 --> 01:10:27,690
What's this?
1634
01:10:27,690 --> 01:10:31,660
Uh, it's just
transitional stuff.
1635
01:10:31,660 --> 01:10:36,630
La, la, la-la.
1636
01:10:36,630 --> 01:10:42,600
The story of my life.
1637
01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:44,090
We're finished!
1638
01:10:44,090 --> 01:10:45,390
[ ♪♪ ALICE COOPER,
"SCHOOL'S OUT"]
1639
01:10:45,390 --> 01:10:48,060
School's out forever.
1640
01:10:48,060 --> 01:10:51,390
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
1641
01:10:51,390 --> 01:10:54,250
And you wonder why
we've never got involved.
1642
01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:55,730
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
1643
01:10:55,730 --> 01:10:57,260
[ ♪♪ CROWDED HOUSE,
"SOMETHING SO STRONG"]
1644
01:10:57,260 --> 01:10:58,980
Love can make you weep.
1645
01:10:58,980 --> 01:11:00,540
I don't want to get
married, because I
1646
01:11:00,540 --> 01:11:01,770
see how my parents are.
1647
01:11:01,770 --> 01:11:02,890
My parents got divorced--
1648
01:11:02,890 --> 01:11:03,910
My parents got divorced--
1649
01:11:03,910 --> 01:11:04,620
--when I was 14.
1650
01:11:04,620 --> 01:11:05,880
--when I was five years old.
1651
01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:08,610
My mother actually goes to
the bathroom with the door open.
1652
01:11:08,610 --> 01:11:10,980
[ ♪♪ "THEME FROM 'PSYCHO'<\i>"]
1653
01:11:10,980 --> 01:11:12,410
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
1654
01:11:12,410 --> 01:11:14,760
[ ♪♪ SALT N PEPA,
"LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX"]
1655
01:11:14,760 --> 01:11:17,620
I swore to myself
I'd never get married.
1656
01:11:17,620 --> 01:11:18,320
I want passion.
1657
01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:21,910
Let's talk about sex, baby,
let's talk about you and me.
1658
01:11:21,910 --> 01:11:22,870
It turns you on.
1659
01:11:22,870 --> 01:11:24,290
[SCREAMING]
1660
01:11:24,290 --> 01:11:26,860
Would you two just do
it and get over with?
1661
01:11:26,860 --> 01:11:28,250
I'm starving.
1662
01:11:28,250 --> 01:11:29,760
Oh, my god.
1663
01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:30,960
LELAINA (ON VIDEO):
But the question
1664
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:37,440
remains, how can we repair
all the damage we inherited?
1665
01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:39,240
I was told there's be
no math on this exam.
1666
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:40,700
Can I change my answer?
1667
01:11:40,700 --> 01:11:41,920
The answer is simple.
1668
01:11:41,920 --> 01:11:43,360
[ ♪♪ TALKING HEADS,
"ROAD TO NOWHERE"]
1669
01:11:43,360 --> 01:11:44,830
We're on a road to nowhere.
1670
01:11:44,830 --> 01:11:45,750
Jesus.
1671
01:11:45,750 --> 01:11:46,920
LELAINA (ON VIDEO):
The answer is--
1672
01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:48,760
the-- the-- the--
the answer is--
1673
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:49,670
Pizza!
1674
01:11:49,670 --> 01:11:51,050
Pizza.
1675
01:11:51,050 --> 01:11:52,240
Pizza.
1676
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:57,590
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
1677
01:12:01,060 --> 01:12:05,510
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1678
01:12:05,510 --> 01:12:06,500
It's, um--
1679
01:12:06,500 --> 01:12:07,490
Yeah, right.
1680
01:12:07,490 --> 01:12:11,450
[LAUGHTER]
1681
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:14,820
Lelaina--
1682
01:12:21,540 --> 01:12:22,500
[DING]
1683
01:12:24,430 --> 01:12:26,330
Lelaina, look, I'm
sorry, all right?
1684
01:12:26,330 --> 01:12:28,520
I didn't know.
- It was not my work, Michael.
1685
01:12:28,520 --> 01:12:29,250
That's not what I did.
1686
01:12:29,250 --> 01:12:30,280
That's not what I--
nothing!
1687
01:12:30,280 --> 01:12:31,000
I know.
I hadn't--
1688
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:33,400
I mean, I--
I can't believe I trusted you.
1689
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:34,850
I had no idea.
I didn't see it.
1690
01:12:34,850 --> 01:12:35,580
I mean-- I mean, look.
1691
01:12:35,580 --> 01:12:37,350
I guess it was
probably a little slow.
1692
01:12:37,350 --> 01:12:38,740
And they-- and they
cut it up a little.
1693
01:12:38,740 --> 01:12:39,440
Cut it up?
1694
01:12:39,440 --> 01:12:41,940
They cut up everything
that meant anything to me!
1695
01:12:41,940 --> 01:12:44,800
I mean, I don't even think
you realize what you've done.
1696
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:45,860
You don't get it.
1697
01:12:45,860 --> 01:12:46,920
You just don't get it!
- What?
1698
01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:47,590
I do get it.
What?
1699
01:12:47,590 --> 01:12:49,740
It's-- look, it's like--
look, you have this
1700
01:12:49,740 --> 01:12:50,790
great piece of work, all right?
1701
01:12:50,790 --> 01:12:52,060
And we have this
audience, these kids.
1702
01:12:52,060 --> 01:12:53,390
And it's like-- it's
like trying to feed
1703
01:12:53,390 --> 01:12:54,660
them meatloaf or
something, and they
1704
01:12:54,660 --> 01:12:55,620
don't want to eat it, right?
1705
01:12:55,620 --> 01:12:56,640
So you gotta to have
to give it to them
1706
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:57,670
like, here comes the plane.
1707
01:12:57,670 --> 01:12:58,600
It's coming into the hangar.
1708
01:12:58,600 --> 01:12:59,520
Open up the hangar.
1709
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:00,610
I mean, but it's still meatloaf.
1710
01:13:00,610 --> 01:13:02,120
It was never meatloaf.
1711
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:03,280
That-- That's a bad--
1712
01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:04,900
I-- look, I'm sorry, all right?
1713
01:13:04,900 --> 01:13:06,300
They were just
trying to market it,
1714
01:13:06,300 --> 01:13:08,220
and I-- and I wish I
could be perfect, OK?
1715
01:13:08,220 --> 01:13:09,510
I mean, I wish I
could be like Troy
1716
01:13:09,510 --> 01:13:11,640
riding on his melted cheese
sandwich and everything, but--
1717
01:13:11,640 --> 01:13:13,440
Don't you dare
bring Troy into this.
1718
01:13:13,440 --> 01:13:14,580
Hey, I wish I
could be like him.
1719
01:13:14,580 --> 01:13:16,620
I mean, I wish I could live
off and creeds and mottoes
1720
01:13:16,620 --> 01:13:18,000
and all that shit, all right?
1721
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:19,640
But I'm in the real
world here, OK?
1722
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:22,460
And-- and I have ideals also.
1723
01:13:22,460 --> 01:13:23,810
They're-- they're that I--
1724
01:13:23,810 --> 01:13:28,090
I-- I care about you, and
I want to make you happy.
1725
01:13:28,090 --> 01:13:33,240
And I-- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
I just--
1726
01:13:33,240 --> 01:13:39,440
look, I-- I'll make them
take the pizza thing out, OK?
1727
01:13:44,110 --> 01:13:50,860
(SINGING) I'm just a
bill, yes, I'm only a bill.
1728
01:13:50,860 --> 01:13:56,550
And I'm sitting here
on Capitol Hill.
1729
01:13:56,550 --> 01:14:01,410
Well, it's a long,
long journey to--
1730
01:14:01,410 --> 01:14:03,350
[DOOR OPENS]
1731
01:14:03,350 --> 01:14:04,330
[DOOR CLOSES]
1732
01:14:08,190 --> 01:14:09,320
How'd the big
premiere turn out?
1733
01:14:13,080 --> 01:14:13,770
Fine.
1734
01:14:22,190 --> 01:14:26,150
They were just
videotapes, right?
1735
01:14:26,150 --> 01:14:27,140
Who cares?
1736
01:14:32,090 --> 01:14:35,640
I worked so hard on them.
You know?
1737
01:14:38,510 --> 01:14:42,770
I just-- I worked so hard.
1738
01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:44,030
Ah, forget it.
1739
01:14:44,030 --> 01:14:45,510
I just sound pathetic.
1740
01:14:45,510 --> 01:14:46,380
No, you don't.
1741
01:14:46,380 --> 01:14:49,350
You don't sound pathetic.
1742
01:14:49,350 --> 01:14:51,080
You know, I know
it sounds stupid,
1743
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:56,010
but it really meant
something to me.
1744
01:14:56,010 --> 01:15:00,850
I know it wasn't gonna,
you know, end world hunger,
1745
01:15:00,850 --> 01:15:02,440
you know, save the planet.
1746
01:15:02,440 --> 01:15:04,920
But it just meant
something to me.
1747
01:15:08,540 --> 01:15:14,760
I just don't understand
why things just
1748
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:16,770
can't go back to
normal at the end
1749
01:15:16,770 --> 01:15:20,820
of the half hour like on "The
Brady Bunch" or something.
1750
01:15:23,710 --> 01:15:25,570
Well, because Mr.
Brady died of AIDS.
1751
01:15:30,160 --> 01:15:31,810
Things don't work out like that.
1752
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:38,150
I was really gonna be
something by the age of 23.
1753
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:45,940
Honey, all you have to be
by the age of 23 is yourself.
1754
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:54,780
I don't know who
that is anymore.
1755
01:15:54,780 --> 01:15:55,480
Well, I do.
1756
01:15:58,730 --> 01:16:00,240
And we all love her.
1757
01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:02,820
I love her.
1758
01:16:02,820 --> 01:16:08,760
Uh, she breaks my heart
again and again, but--
1759
01:16:11,390 --> 01:16:12,090
but I love her.
1760
01:16:15,580 --> 01:17:13,470
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1761
01:17:13,470 --> 01:17:18,460
I've wanted you like
this for all these years.
1762
01:17:18,460 --> 01:17:59,870
So have I.
1763
01:17:59,870 --> 01:18:00,870
Hey.
1764
01:18:00,870 --> 01:18:03,520
Hi.
1765
01:18:03,520 --> 01:18:04,680
Where are you going?
1766
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:08,430
Uh, I have rehearsal.
1767
01:18:08,430 --> 01:18:12,300
At 8:24 in the morning?
1768
01:18:18,630 --> 01:18:19,800
So that's it?
1769
01:18:19,800 --> 01:18:21,430
No.
1770
01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:22,470
No, that's not-- that's not it.
1771
01:18:22,470 --> 01:18:23,610
I just-- I, uh--
1772
01:18:23,610 --> 01:18:24,520
I have to go.
1773
01:18:34,420 --> 01:18:39,370
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1774
01:18:41,850 --> 01:18:45,810
(SINGING) Got a pothead
mama, got a cokehead dad.
1775
01:18:49,770 --> 01:18:54,220
I'm the ultra-modern
version the American man.
1776
01:18:58,680 --> 01:19:04,270
Don't feel good, but
I don't feel bad,
1777
01:19:04,270 --> 01:19:07,230
cause me, you see, I'm nothin'.
1778
01:19:13,160 --> 01:19:14,640
I ain't left.
1779
01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:16,120
I ain't right.
1780
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:18,100
People say I'm wrong.
1781
01:19:18,100 --> 01:19:21,560
Before I was born
it was all gone.
1782
01:19:21,560 --> 01:19:27,520
Don't even make sense
that I wrote this song.
1783
01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:29,130
Tell me it's not true.
1784
01:19:29,130 --> 01:19:34,590
TROY (SINGING): Cause
me, you see, I'm nothin'.
1785
01:19:34,590 --> 01:19:41,550
I'm nothin.' Nothin.'
1786
01:19:41,550 --> 01:19:42,550
That's me.
1787
01:19:46,020 --> 01:19:47,020
I'm nothin.'
1788
01:19:53,980 --> 01:19:54,990
Lainie.
1789
01:19:54,990 --> 01:19:56,100
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
1790
01:19:56,100 --> 01:19:59,070
Sex is the quickest way
to ruin a friendship.
1791
01:19:59,070 --> 01:20:03,480
[APPLAUSE]
1792
01:20:04,740 --> 01:20:05,440
TROY : Thank you.
1793
01:20:05,440 --> 01:20:09,360
Uh, we'll be right back with the
new American cheese snack idea.
1794
01:20:16,710 --> 01:20:18,080
MICHAEL: Lelaina.
1795
01:20:18,080 --> 01:20:18,780
Hi.
1796
01:20:18,780 --> 01:20:20,560
Hi, Don't say
anything, all right?
1797
01:20:20,560 --> 01:20:22,510
Look, I screwed up, all right?
1798
01:20:22,510 --> 01:20:25,200
I know I should have
protected you and your work,
1799
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:26,600
and I didn't.
And I'm sorry.
1800
01:20:26,600 --> 01:20:28,620
I'm so sorry that I didn't.
1801
01:20:28,620 --> 01:20:30,890
But I want to make
this up to you, OK?
1802
01:20:30,890 --> 01:20:34,250
You mean so much to me,
Lelaina, and I just--
1803
01:20:34,250 --> 01:20:36,130
look, two tickets, all right?
New York.
1804
01:20:36,130 --> 01:20:38,260
We go, and we give them a
presentation of the show
1805
01:20:38,260 --> 01:20:39,480
the way you want it done.
1806
01:20:39,480 --> 01:20:41,310
- Michael, I-- I don't--
- I know.
1807
01:20:41,310 --> 01:20:42,010
I know.
1808
01:20:42,010 --> 01:20:42,880
But this time's different.
1809
01:20:42,880 --> 01:20:44,350
I mean-- I mean,
who's the boss, huh?
1810
01:20:44,350 --> 01:20:45,790
Huh?
Tony Danza?
1811
01:20:45,790 --> 01:20:47,350
No, I don't think so.
It's you.
1812
01:20:47,350 --> 01:20:48,130
It's your show.
1813
01:20:48,130 --> 01:20:49,490
And I just--
1814
01:20:49,490 --> 01:20:50,420
[SIGHS]
1815
01:20:51,810 --> 01:20:54,150
I just, you know,
feel like maybe
1816
01:20:54,150 --> 01:20:55,810
I deserve another shot here.
1817
01:21:01,220 --> 01:21:03,190
Well, hi, Lelaina.
1818
01:21:03,190 --> 01:21:04,680
Hi.
1819
01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:05,850
Was there a frog
in your throat
1820
01:21:05,850 --> 01:21:07,580
or are you just glad to see me?
1821
01:21:07,580 --> 01:21:09,900
Hi, Mike, Thanks for
coming down, man.
1822
01:21:09,900 --> 01:21:10,600
No hard feelings.
1823
01:21:18,730 --> 01:21:22,250
Lelaina, you're looking
a little peaked.
1824
01:21:22,250 --> 01:21:23,160
Yeah, you OK?
1825
01:21:23,160 --> 01:21:24,010
VICKIE: She's fine.
1826
01:21:24,010 --> 01:21:24,710
She's fine.
1827
01:21:24,710 --> 01:21:26,510
She just had too many
Diet Cokes today.
1828
01:21:26,510 --> 01:21:29,020
Yeah, this girl is
cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
1829
01:21:29,020 --> 01:21:29,720
Ha.
1830
01:21:32,680 --> 01:21:36,560
So are you going
to him or am I?
1831
01:21:36,560 --> 01:21:38,050
Don, don, don.
1832
01:21:45,980 --> 01:21:47,780
Could you excuse me?
1833
01:21:47,780 --> 01:21:49,270
Could I talk to you?
1834
01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:56,200
Hi.
1835
01:22:01,160 --> 01:22:03,770
You want to tell me what
the hell he's doing here?
1836
01:22:03,770 --> 01:22:06,170
I wanted to talk to you.
1837
01:22:06,170 --> 01:22:07,160
What the hell do you care?
1838
01:22:07,160 --> 01:22:08,510
You totally bailed
on me this morning.
1839
01:22:08,510 --> 01:22:10,460
I panicked.
It happens.
1840
01:22:10,460 --> 01:22:12,540
I thought we could, uh,
work it out, you know?
1841
01:22:12,540 --> 01:22:14,540
I mean-- I-- I don't
know if now's the right
1842
01:22:14,540 --> 01:22:17,060
time for us or--
1843
01:22:17,060 --> 01:22:20,620
look, I meant everything that
I said to you last night.
1844
01:22:20,620 --> 01:22:21,980
Don't look at me like that.
1845
01:22:21,980 --> 01:22:22,900
Don't look at me like that.
1846
01:22:22,900 --> 01:22:23,800
That's not what I'm saying.
1847
01:22:23,800 --> 01:22:27,380
I'm-- I'm not saying I--
1848
01:22:27,380 --> 01:22:29,930
look, you are the
only woman that I
1849
01:22:29,930 --> 01:22:31,720
could ever commit myself to.
1850
01:22:31,720 --> 01:22:32,540
So what?
1851
01:22:32,540 --> 01:22:33,880
Do I get a medal?
1852
01:22:33,880 --> 01:22:37,270
I win the big commitment
cook-off and you just run away?
1853
01:22:37,270 --> 01:22:38,260
I knew this was gonna happen!
1854
01:22:38,260 --> 01:22:39,610
I just knew this
was gonna happen!
1855
01:22:39,610 --> 01:22:42,340
I don't-- I don't
wanna lose you.
1856
01:22:42,340 --> 01:22:44,510
I-- I've never been in an
experience like this before.
1857
01:22:47,150 --> 01:22:51,620
I've never had sex with
somebody that I loved before.
1858
01:22:51,620 --> 01:22:55,130
Oh, well,
congratulations, Troy Dyer.
1859
01:22:55,130 --> 01:22:57,110
Welcome to the world of
the emotionally mature,
1860
01:22:57,110 --> 01:22:59,390
It's a really nice
place to visit.
1861
01:22:59,390 --> 01:23:01,130
Hey, you may run into Michael.
He lives here.
1862
01:23:01,130 --> 01:23:02,600
Oh, yeah, right--
Michael, Michael.
1863
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:04,260
He's so mature, because
he lets you navigate
1864
01:23:04,260 --> 01:23:05,090
that entire relationship.
1865
01:23:05,090 --> 01:23:08,330
Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina,
but you can't navigate me.
1866
01:23:08,330 --> 01:23:10,610
I might do mean things,
and I might hurt you,
1867
01:23:10,610 --> 01:23:12,330
and I might run away
without your permission,
1868
01:23:12,330 --> 01:23:14,420
and you might hate me
forever, and I know that that
1869
01:23:14,420 --> 01:23:15,470
scares the shit out of you.
1870
01:23:15,470 --> 01:23:19,400
Because I'm the only
real thing that you have.
1871
01:23:19,400 --> 01:23:20,340
Yeah.
1872
01:23:20,340 --> 01:23:22,060
Well, that ain't real much.
1873
01:23:26,510 --> 01:23:28,490
Troy, man, you're on.
1874
01:23:32,950 --> 01:23:33,940
[THUD]
1875
01:23:37,900 --> 01:23:39,980
- Michael, I'm sorry.
- No, no, no, listen.
1876
01:23:39,980 --> 01:23:40,710
I'm sorry, all right?
1877
01:23:40,710 --> 01:23:43,130
That's what this is all about.
1878
01:23:43,130 --> 01:23:45,770
This one's for you, Lainie.
1879
01:23:45,770 --> 01:23:50,720
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1880
01:23:58,150 --> 01:24:00,620
(SINGING) Why can't
I get just one kiss?
1881
01:24:00,620 --> 01:24:03,010
Why can't I get just one kiss?
1882
01:24:03,010 --> 01:24:05,500
Believe me, there'd be some
things that I wouldn't miss,
1883
01:24:05,500 --> 01:24:06,570
but I look at your pants and I--
1884
01:24:06,570 --> 01:24:07,570
I need a kiss.
1885
01:24:07,570 --> 01:24:09,560
Why can't I get just one screw?
1886
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:12,060
Why can't I get just one screw?
1887
01:24:12,060 --> 01:24:14,550
Believe me, I know what
to do, but something
1888
01:24:14,550 --> 01:24:16,550
won't let me make love to you.
1889
01:24:16,550 --> 01:24:18,550
Why can't I get just one ah.
1890
01:24:18,550 --> 01:24:21,040
Why can't I get just one ah.
1891
01:24:35,550 --> 01:24:37,750
Oh, nice job, very well done.
Really.
1892
01:24:37,750 --> 01:24:40,360
Yeah, I don't want
to hear it from you.
1893
01:24:40,360 --> 01:24:41,130
Yeah, well, I forgot.
1894
01:24:41,130 --> 01:24:43,320
I'm not qualified
to talk to you.
1895
01:24:43,320 --> 01:24:45,630
I'm sorry I can't be
Mr., uh, hey, look at me,
1896
01:24:45,630 --> 01:24:48,030
I'm Buddha on the mountaintop.
1897
01:24:48,030 --> 01:24:48,930
You know what you are, man?
1898
01:24:48,930 --> 01:24:49,990
You know what you remind me of?
1899
01:24:49,990 --> 01:24:52,540
You-- you're you like that--
that guy with the-- you know,
1900
01:24:52,540 --> 01:24:55,270
with the-- with the hat and
the bells and the little--
1901
01:24:55,270 --> 01:24:56,910
you know--
- The court jester.
1902
01:24:56,910 --> 01:24:58,470
Yeah, right, where
everything's so easy
1903
01:24:58,470 --> 01:25:02,670
to laugh at from a safe distance
back in Clever-Cleverland.
1904
01:25:02,670 --> 01:25:04,580
You know what happens to him?
1905
01:25:04,580 --> 01:25:08,560
They find his skull in a grave,
and they go, oh, I knew him,
1906
01:25:08,560 --> 01:25:10,530
and he was funny.
1907
01:25:10,530 --> 01:25:13,660
And the guy, the court
jester, dies all by himself.
1908
01:25:16,140 --> 01:25:16,940
Where'd you hear that?
1909
01:25:16,940 --> 01:25:17,870
At Renaissance Festival?
1910
01:25:23,660 --> 01:25:25,350
Besides, everyone
dies all by himself.
1911
01:25:34,590 --> 01:25:38,100
If you really
believe that, who
1912
01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:39,070
are you looking for out here?
1913
01:25:50,550 --> 01:25:55,040
[ ♪♪ U2, "ALL I WANT IS YOU"]
1914
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:10,280
You say you want diamonds
and ring of gold.
1915
01:26:10,280 --> 01:26:20,380
You say you want your
story to remain untold.
1916
01:26:20,380 --> 01:26:30,830
But all the promises we made
from the cradle to the grave
1917
01:26:30,830 --> 01:26:37,300
when all I want is you.
1918
01:26:46,760 --> 01:26:57,720
You say you'll give me a
highway with no one on it,
1919
01:26:57,720 --> 01:27:07,680
treasure just to look upon it,
all the riches in the night.
1920
01:27:07,680 --> 01:27:18,140
You say you'll give me eyes
in a moon of blindness,
1921
01:27:18,140 --> 01:27:27,600
a river in a time of dryness,
a harbor in the tempest,
1922
01:27:27,600 --> 01:27:38,550
but all the promises we make
from the cradle to the grave,
1923
01:27:38,550 --> 01:27:44,030
when all I want is you.
1924
01:28:08,430 --> 01:28:12,420
[PHONE RINGING]
1925
01:28:12,420 --> 01:28:15,900
Hello?
Hello?
1926
01:28:18,290 --> 01:28:19,390
[ ♪♪ U2, "ALL I WANT IS YOU"]
1927
01:28:19,390 --> 01:28:23,870
All I want is you.
1928
01:28:23,870 --> 01:28:28,850
All I want is you.
1929
01:28:28,850 --> 01:28:31,340
All I want is you.
1930
01:28:57,890 --> 01:28:59,280
Hey, Lainie.
1931
01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:00,680
This is Lance.
- Hi.
1932
01:29:00,680 --> 01:29:04,240
Um, I-- I just need
to know if he's OK.
1933
01:29:07,220 --> 01:29:08,710
OK.
1934
01:29:08,710 --> 01:29:11,980
All I know is he went
back to Chicago--
1935
01:29:11,980 --> 01:29:12,670
alone.
1936
01:29:16,150 --> 01:29:18,130
I'm not supposed
to know that, am I?
1937
01:30:05,050 --> 01:30:05,750
Shit.
1938
01:30:15,170 --> 01:30:17,770
Hi.
1939
01:30:17,770 --> 01:30:20,040
I was wondering if I could
talk to you for a minute
1940
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:20,740
before you go.
1941
01:30:26,360 --> 01:30:30,440
See, the thing is, that, uh--
1942
01:30:33,800 --> 01:30:37,660
well, uh, my dad died.
1943
01:30:37,660 --> 01:30:39,170
Oh, god, Troy, I'm sorry.
1944
01:30:39,170 --> 01:30:39,950
No, it's--
1945
01:30:39,950 --> 01:30:41,090
I'm so sorry.
1946
01:30:41,090 --> 01:30:47,560
No, it-- what
happened was that, um--
1947
01:30:47,560 --> 01:30:53,270
I kind of got this arcane
glimpse at the universe.
1948
01:30:53,270 --> 01:30:57,250
And the best thing that I
can say about that is, uh--
1949
01:31:04,080 --> 01:31:05,060
I don't know.
1950
01:31:10,440 --> 01:31:18,940
I have this planet of regret
sitting on my shoulders.
1951
01:31:18,940 --> 01:31:23,110
And you have no idea how much
I wish that I could go back
1952
01:31:23,110 --> 01:31:27,350
to that morning
after we made love
1953
01:31:27,350 --> 01:31:30,820
and do everything different.
1954
01:31:30,820 --> 01:31:36,990
But I know that I can't, so
I thought that I would come
1955
01:31:36,990 --> 01:31:40,780
here and tell you something.
1956
01:31:40,780 --> 01:31:45,670
And what I wanted to tell
you was that I love you.
1957
01:31:45,670 --> 01:31:48,480
And, uh, I just
wanted to make sure
1958
01:31:48,480 --> 01:31:51,190
that that was clear so that
there wasn't any confusion.
1959
01:31:57,960 --> 01:32:07,180
Um, so anyway, uh,
where are you going?
1960
01:32:07,180 --> 01:32:08,640
I was going to look for you.
1961
01:32:11,340 --> 01:32:12,040
What for?
1962
01:32:16,410 --> 01:32:20,750
Just-- wanted to
see if you were OK.
1963
01:32:28,320 --> 01:32:30,090
Well, I had a shitty week.
1964
01:32:30,090 --> 01:32:35,540
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1965
01:33:06,290 --> 01:33:09,270
[GUITAR PLAYING]
1966
01:33:09,270 --> 01:33:11,590
(SINGING) A frog
went a-courting,
1967
01:33:11,590 --> 01:33:16,770
and he did right with a sword
and a pistol by his side.
1968
01:33:16,770 --> 01:33:19,700
Uh-huh, uh-huh, mm.
1969
01:33:23,130 --> 01:33:26,800
Well, he rode right up
to Miss Mousie's door.
1970
01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:29,500
[PHONE RINGING]
1971
01:33:29,500 --> 01:33:30,600
TROY (ON RECORDING):
At the beep,
1972
01:33:30,600 --> 01:33:33,340
please leave your name, number,
and a brief justification
1973
01:33:33,340 --> 01:33:35,500
for the ontological
necessity of modern man's
1974
01:33:35,500 --> 01:33:39,120
existential dilemma, and,
uh, we'll get back to you.
1975
01:33:39,120 --> 01:33:41,170
TOM PIERCE: Uh, Lelaina,
this is your dad.
1976
01:33:41,170 --> 01:33:43,040
Give me a call when we get this.
1977
01:33:43,040 --> 01:33:44,590
I need you to explain something.
1978
01:33:44,590 --> 01:33:47,830
I just got a $900
bill on my gas card.
1979
01:33:47,830 --> 01:33:48,810
[LAUGHING]
1980
01:33:48,810 --> 01:33:50,480
[ ♪♪ WORLD PARTY,
"WHEN YOU COME BACK TO ME"]
1981
01:33:50,480 --> 01:33:55,710
If we should fall, love
will catch us every time.
1982
01:33:55,710 --> 01:34:01,140
If you call, I will run.
1983
01:34:01,140 --> 01:34:07,050
And if the magic of the
adventure overcomes,
1984
01:34:07,050 --> 01:34:11,030
we won't cry because
it could be fun.
1985
01:34:11,030 --> 01:34:13,570
What I'm trying to do is
constantly find those people,
1986
01:34:13,570 --> 01:34:15,950
find out what makes them
the best, and bring back--
1987
01:34:15,950 --> 01:34:17,450
I've been getting a
razzing for being bald,
1988
01:34:17,450 --> 01:34:18,980
and I'm only a young man.
1989
01:34:18,980 --> 01:34:20,720
No more dates without
being called old man.
1990
01:34:20,720 --> 01:34:22,130
But the babes are--
1991
01:34:22,130 --> 01:34:25,590
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1992
01:34:25,590 --> 01:34:28,880
Roy, why are you
doing this to me?
1993
01:34:28,880 --> 01:34:31,090
I know we can be happy together.
1994
01:34:31,090 --> 01:34:32,760
You'll chill in time.
1995
01:34:32,760 --> 01:34:34,680
Right now I need someone who
understands what my music
1996
01:34:34,680 --> 01:34:36,100
and the band mean to me.
1997
01:34:36,100 --> 01:34:38,380
But it's just music, Roy.
1998
01:34:38,380 --> 01:34:41,250
I'm a human being
with deep feelings,
1999
01:34:41,250 --> 01:34:44,670
who feels things deeply.
2000
01:34:44,670 --> 01:34:46,960
Music is feeling, babe.
2001
01:34:46,960 --> 01:34:49,300
The band may be a small dream,
but it's the only one I've got.
2002
01:34:49,300 --> 01:34:54,230
I'm Audi 5,000.
2003
01:34:54,230 --> 01:34:55,660
Please don't let him
get drunk and drive.
2004
01:34:55,660 --> 01:34:57,090
[ ♪♪ THE POSIES,
"GOING, GOING, GONE"]
2005
01:34:57,090 --> 01:35:03,060
It won't be very long, till
I'm going, going, gone.
2006
01:35:03,060 --> 01:35:09,460
[ ♪♪ LISA LOEB, "STAY"]
2007
01:35:15,380 --> 01:35:20,950
You say I only hear
what I want to.
2008
01:35:26,940 --> 01:35:34,200
You say I talk so all the time.
So?
2009
01:35:38,650 --> 01:35:41,620
And I thought was
I felt was simple.
2010
01:35:41,620 --> 01:35:44,590
And I thought that
I don't belong.
2011
01:35:44,590 --> 01:35:49,470
And now that I am leaving, now
I know that I did something
2012
01:35:49,470 --> 01:35:53,820
wrong, cause I missed you.
2013
01:35:53,820 --> 01:35:57,200
Yeah, yeah, I missed you.
2014
01:36:03,490 --> 01:36:10,250
And you say I only hear what I
want to, I don't listen hard,
2015
01:36:10,250 --> 01:36:12,020
don't pay attention
to the distance
2016
01:36:12,020 --> 01:36:14,500
that you're running
to anyone, anywhere.
2017
01:36:14,500 --> 01:36:17,510
I don't understand
if you really care.
2018
01:36:17,510 --> 01:36:22,770
I'm only hearing
negative, no, no, no, no.
2019
01:36:22,770 --> 01:36:26,650
So I-- I turn the radio on,
and I turn the radio up,
2020
01:36:26,650 --> 01:36:29,080
and this woman was
singing my song.
2021
01:36:29,080 --> 01:36:32,410
Lovers in love and
the other's run away.
2022
01:36:32,410 --> 01:36:35,720
Lover is crying cause
the other won't stay.
2023
01:36:35,720 --> 01:36:37,400
Some of us hover
when we're waiting
2024
01:36:37,400 --> 01:36:40,530
for the other who was dying
since the day they were born.
2025
01:36:40,530 --> 01:36:43,870
Well, well, this is not
that I think that I'm
2026
01:36:43,870 --> 01:36:46,840
throwing but I'm thrown.
2027
01:36:46,840 --> 01:36:50,120
And I thought I'd love forever,
and now I'm not so sure.
2028
01:36:50,120 --> 01:36:51,280
You try to tell me
that I'm clever.
2029
01:36:51,280 --> 01:36:56,220
That won't take me anyhow
or anywhere with you.
2030
01:36:59,190 --> 01:37:04,620
You said that I was naive and
I thought that I was strong.
2031
01:37:04,620 --> 01:37:08,080
Oh, I thought, hey, I
can leave, I can leave,
2032
01:37:08,080 --> 01:37:14,500
oh, but now I know that I was
wrong, cause I missed you.
2033
01:37:14,500 --> 01:37:18,950
Yeah, I missed you.
2034
01:37:22,650 --> 01:37:24,020
You said you called
me cause you want me.
2035
01:37:24,020 --> 01:37:25,960
And one day you'll let me go.
2036
01:37:25,960 --> 01:37:28,950
You try to give away a keep
or keep me cause you know
2037
01:37:28,950 --> 01:37:33,930
you're just so scared to lose.
2038
01:37:33,930 --> 01:37:39,410
You say stay.
2039
01:37:47,880 --> 01:37:53,350
You say I only hear
what I want to.
2040
01:37:59,830 --> 01:38:19,750
[ ♪♪ THE KNACK,
"MY SHARONA"]
2041
01:38:19,750 --> 01:38:23,730
Ooh, my little pretty one,
my pretty one, when you gonna
2042
01:38:23,730 --> 01:38:25,720
give me some time, Sharona?
2043
01:38:25,720 --> 01:38:29,210
Ooh, you make my motor
run, my motor run,
2044
01:38:29,210 --> 01:38:32,700
got it coming off of
the line, Sharona.
2045
01:38:32,700 --> 01:38:35,680
Never gonna stop, give
it up, such a dirty mind,
2046
01:38:35,680 --> 01:38:38,900
I always get it up for
the touch of the younger
2047
01:38:38,900 --> 01:38:43,100
kind, my, my, my, my, aye, woo!
2048
01:38:43,100 --> 01:38:44,600
M-m-m-my Sharona.
2049
01:38:48,500 --> 01:38:55,450
Ooh, my Sharona!