1
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:24,895
<i>I loved her more than anything
on the face of the earth.</i>

2
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,149
<i>I fell like a stone
first time I saw her.</i>

3
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,109
<i>She fell just as hard.</i>

4
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,988
<i>The only difference was, she knew why.</i>

5
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,408
<i>Kristy was my mate for life.</i>

6
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:42,288
<i>Kristen Bainbridge, that was her name.
Now she has my name, Briggs.</i>

7
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,499
<i>We're Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson Briggs,</i>

8
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,793
<i>but everybody calls me Jake.</i>

9
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,754
<i>Except my grandmother.</i>

10
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,797
<i>She calls me Booper.</i>

11
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:56,260
He's too young and he's too immature.

12
00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,180
She's a gold digger.

13
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,475
There's little or no gold to be dug.

14
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,061
He's plenty old.

15
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,272
And people don't mature anymore.

16
00:03:08,773 --> 00:03:11,609
They stay jackasses all their lives.

17
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,154
<i>There's always been strong streak</i>

18
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,740
<i>of rationality
among the males in the family.</i>

19
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,619
<i>It's the women
who keep things electrified.</i>

20
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:26,332
For crying out loud,
can you put a smile on your face?

21
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:27,875
Give me something to smile about.

22
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:32,713
<i>Russ and Gayle Bainbridge, my in-laws,</i>

23
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,509
<i>people that, one day,
I would call Mom and Dad.</i>

24
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:41,222
I'll lay you two bits that little
pea-brain is going to be late.

25
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,349
Don't be silly.

26
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:47,144
You wouldn't let me throw him out
when I had the chance.

27
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:51,023
Now the little SOB is going to be
a goddamn relative!

28
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:56,070
This is what Kristy wants.
Please, don't spoil it for her!

29
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,363
Why?

30
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,948
She's in love!

31
00:03:59,532 --> 00:04:01,992
You can't expect to be foremost
in her mind.

32
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,453
It's time we let go of her.

33
00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:10,626
Try to find the beauty
in the way she feels about Jake.

34
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,507
Oh, for God's sake!

35
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:29,186
All right, where in the sweet name
of Christ is that little asshole?

36
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,273
<i>That's me, the groom,</i>

37
00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:36,068
<i>about to charge headlong
into the jaws of responsibility.</i>

38
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,237
What am I doing?

39
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:43,451
<i>That's Davis McDonald, my best friend.
He was my unsanctioned wife.</i>

40
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,744
<i>We got divorced when I married Kristy.</i>

41
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:48,372
<i>He liked her.
He may have even loved her.</i>

42
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,001
Are you scared?

43
00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:57,214
Here I am...

44
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:02,386
I'm on the verge of binding my life
to Kristy's...

45
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,682
and I've never felt so alone.

46
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,060
We could split.

47
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,023
But you'd be back tomorrow.

48
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,625
You were married
the minute you met her.

49
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,653
Sixteen years old and you were gone!

50
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,001
This is your destiny.

51
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:38,547
To be forever caught in the crossfire
between your head and your heart.

52
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:48,349
Do you think I'm going to be happy,
I mean, honestly?

53
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,521
You want to be a writer.
You want to be a husband.

54
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:56,649
Maybe it'll work out. Who knows?

55
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:01,445
Yeah, you'll be happy.

56
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,699
You just won't know it, that's all.

57
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,163
<i>Never before and never again
did he nail a moment</i>

58
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,207
<i>more firmly than that afternoon.</i>

59
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,334
<i>He's not all that wise,</i>

60
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:19,713
<i>he just knew his subject matter
very, very well.</i>

61
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,968
Look, I'm not gonna say this again.

62
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:25,987
You don't have to go through
with this.

63
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,221
You can walk.

64
00:06:28,264 --> 00:06:30,307
Say the word and we are out of here.

65
00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:38,274
Marriage will wait.

66
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:41,944
Time won't.

67
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:50,286
Jake!

68
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,560
Shit!

69
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,187
Let us all join in the Lord's Prayer.

70
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:22,067
Our Father, Who art in heaven,

71
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,944
hallowed be Thy name,

72
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,156
thy kingdom come, thy will be done

73
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,366
on earth as it is in heaven.

74
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,453
Give us this day our daily bread,

75
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,455
and forgive us our trespasses...

76
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:35,664
Amen.

77
00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:38,167
As we forgive those
who trespass against us.

78
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,586
Lead us not into temptation,

79
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:42,713
but deliver us from evil.

80
00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:47,009
For Thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,

81
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,594
for ever and ever. Amen.

82
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,892
As these two have come hither

83
00:07:55,059 --> 00:07:59,480
to be made one in this holy estate,
if there be anyone here present

84
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:04,443
who knows any just cause
why they may not lawfully be married,

85
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,695
I require him to make it known

86
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,366
or ever after hold his peace.

87
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:18,832
Kristen, wilt thou have this man
to be thy husband,

88
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:24,046
and wilt thou pledge thy troth to him
in all love and honor,

89
00:08:24,797 --> 00:08:26,590
in all duty and service,

90
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,134
in all faith and tenderness:

91
00:08:30,094 --> 00:08:34,431
to live with him and cherish him
according to the ordinance of God

92
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,183
in the holy bond of marriage?

93
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,726
I will.

94
00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:43,315
Wilt thou, Jefferson, have this woman
to be thy wedded wife?

95
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,777
Wilt thou comfort and keep her
in sickness and in health...

96
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,363
Wilt thou provide her
with credit cards

97
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:52,241
and a four-bedroom, two and one half
bath home

98
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,410
with central air
and professional decorating?

99
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:58,080
A Mercedes Benz, two weeks
in the Bahamas every spring?

100
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,916
Wilt thou remember the little things

101
00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:03,085
like flowers on her anniversary,

102
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,254
a kind word on a rough day,

103
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:09,925
and an occasional
"Gee, honey, you look pretty today"?

104
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,809
Wilt thou be understanding
when she is tired,

105
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:15,013
headachy or upset?

106
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,434
When she feels ugly
or has a big pimple on her chin?

107
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,603
Wilt thou not be such a pig
when you shower?

108
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,356
Wilt thou listen patiently to stories
about kids, colds,

109
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,400
kids entire clothes, shoes,

110
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,485
and decorator checkbook covers?

111
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:34,575
I will.

112
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,080
For as much as Kristen and Jefferson

113
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,332
have consented together
in holy wedlock,

114
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:46,211
and have witnessed the same
before God and this company,

115
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:49,798
by the joining of hands and the giving
and exchanging of rings,

116
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:53,427
I pronounce they are husband and wife,

117
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,305
whom therefore
God hath joined together,

118
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:59,683
let no man put asunder.

119
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,311
You may now kiss the bride.

120
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,989
But don't mess up
her hair or her face,

121
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,742
because she still has
to have her picture taken.

122
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,334
Go for it.

123
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:58,200
<i>I had graduated college that spring
and, for reasons not clear to us,</i>

124
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,453
<i>we decided I should return
to pursue my master's degree.</i>

125
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,706
<i>Kristy had her degree
and insisted I get mine</i>

126
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,291
<i>before she began her career.</i>

127
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:10,212
<i>There wasn't time for the Bahamas,
or even a weekend in Niagara Falls.</i>

128
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,672
<i>We spent our honeymoon</i>

129
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,299
<i>on an interstate highway
to New Mexico.</i>

130
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:20,556
Kristy, back and forth
and back and forth!

131
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,808
Babe, I got it.

132
00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:33,026
Babe, you're wrinkling up
all of the central states. I see it.

133
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,321
I'm not! The world's biggest bow tie.

134
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,916
<i>Our first address.
Not pretty, but cheap.</i>

135
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,128
<i>And happy... sort of</i>

136
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,600
You don't like fish?

137
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:06,727
I love fish!

138
00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,230
If you loved it, you'd eat it,
because it is healthy.

139
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,357
No, I honestly love it.

140
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:17,571
It's just a little overwhelming
to have swordfish and...

141
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:21,408
Trout.

142
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,536
And over here?

143
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,371
Grouper, it's grouper.

144
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:28,707
It's grouper!

145
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:31,126
The fries are good.

146
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,587
That's breaded smelt.

147
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,255
What are you doing?

148
00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:38,401
I didn't know what you liked,
I didn't feel like guessing.

149
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,505
I'm trying to make you happy
and you mock me. Thanks!

150
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:41,887
Kristy, come on.

151
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,099
Jake...

152
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:49,871
I have to do something with myself.

153
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,606
- I have to get a job or take classes.
- No.

154
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,776
You'll weigh 400lbs. I'm not mad!
I don't like fish, either!

155
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:59,738
You don't need to get a job!
You don't need to take classes!

156
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,664
- I got to get out of here.
- Jake, don't start that on me!

157
00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:12,167
College is like high school
with ashtrays!

158
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,212
- I don't know where I'm going!
- Sweetie, you have been weak!

159
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:16,922
You have two more years.

160
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,983
It doesn't matter if you don't know
where you're going now.

161
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,467
Finish what you started!

162
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:24,805
I learnt nothing as an undergraduate!
I'm learning less in graduate school!

163
00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:28,600
Davis quit school
and started his own business!

164
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,561
Yeah, with his dad's money.
I don't think you'd do that.

165
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,775
At least his life has begun,
mine is on indefinite hold.

166
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:38,944
You really want to leave?

167
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,616
I can't think of any reason to stay.

168
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:48,745
Jefferson, can you tell Grandpa

169
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:52,874
why Bumble Bunny was
such a happy little rabbit?

170
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:54,376
Because he went to college.

171
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,921
Boy, you are a smart little fellow.

172
00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,506
And what did he get in college?

173
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,091
A master's degree.

174
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,801
A master's degree!

175
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,512
And what would have happened to him

176
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,683
if he hadn't gone to college
and gotten that master's degree?

177
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:14,896
Probably working on a loading dock
and hating every minute of it.

178
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:19,359
You're going to college to get
a master's degree, aren't you?

179
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:20,694
Yes, sir!

180
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:25,032
Then you'll never end up working
on a loading dock. No, sir!

181
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,993
College boy!

182
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:34,666
Morty, how about those Cubs?

183
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,334
Shut up!

184
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:42,758
Morty, did you catch
that PBS special last night,

185
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,521
- "Animals of the Australian..."
- Shut up!

186
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,054
Shut up!

187
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,805
I didn't say anything!

188
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:54,311
I think a man can judge
his success or failure...

189
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,064
by the amount of overtime

190
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,899
his wife works, don't you agree, Jake?

191
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,233
That's part of the job, Dad.

192
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,037
I don't work late
because we need the money.

193
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,195
We don't. We're fine.

194
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,404
That's true, Russ.

195
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:06,531
What do you know
but what they tell you?

196
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:12,412
Did we really raise her to answer
telephones and live in a shoe box?

197
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:15,082
We didn't come here
to get insulted, Dad.

198
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,959
Oh, is he above criticism?

199
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:22,756
Jake, Kristy says you're uncomfortable
calling us Mom and Dad.

200
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,093
It's foolish!
Why don't you call us by...

201
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,345
Gayle, will you please?

202
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:29,846
...our names?

203
00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:38,730
If you're going to piss your life away
writing some goddamn book

204
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:42,025
that nobody is ever going to give
a crap about,

205
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:44,152
why did you have to involve
my daughter?

206
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:47,322
If she gets pregnant,
what will you do?

207
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,574
Three can't live on what you make.

208
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,579
Two can't live on what you make!

209
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,672
Kristy...

210
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:06,925
Is the baby warm enough?

211
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:12,681
We're fine.
Sweetie, don't burn your book.

212
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,976
Maybe we can get some wood.

213
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,479
Wood is expensive.

214
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,816
Words are cheap.

215
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,742
What are you thinking about?

216
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:33,869
Nothing.

217
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,497
My mom and I got my dad
to admit he was being rude.

218
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,541
Do you want to come in?
He went to bed.

219
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:42,919
He wasn't entirely wrong, you know.

220
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,007
I mean, if you weren't working,
we'd be broke.

221
00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:48,967
So I am working and we're not.

222
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,095
But you're married to a child.

223
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:53,597
No!

224
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,892
I've got a job
and I don't even know what I do.

225
00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,436
So, what should you do?

226
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,188
The question is, what can I do?

227
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:06,359
Sweetheart, you have
a BA in Romance Languages.

228
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,486
What was your minor?

229
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,530
Elizabethan poetry.

230
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,991
Well, what skills do you have?

231
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:17,287
Okay, let's see.

232
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,758
Jefferson Briggs?

233
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,428
They call you Jeff?

234
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,846
It's Jake.

235
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,894
Or Jeff.

236
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:44,814
It says here you worked
for a Japanese advertising agency.

237
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:46,983
Netsu.

238
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:48,443
Netsu?

239
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:49,819
Netsu.

240
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,910
Netsu is one of
our foreign subsidiaries.

241
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,247
Hey, we own that.

242
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:04,084
There are thousands
of advertising agencies in the world

243
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,795
and you chose one we own,
that was a bad call!

244
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,258
You're full of crap, aren't you?

245
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,929
- Yeah.
- You know...

246
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:19,015
After this Netsu thing, I got curious,

247
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,768
so I checked out
the rest of your résumé.

248
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:26,231
Aside from
your social security number,

249
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:33,154
there isn't one piece of information
in there that is true.

250
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:37,117
You have set new standards
for lying in the job market.

251
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,079
There's no question you can write.

252
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,581
And coming here with a whopper
like this...

253
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,212
You must want to work pretty bad.

254
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,258
I need to work.

255
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,802
Can you make something of yourself?

256
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,846
I think I can.

257
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,515
How do you feel about slave wages?

258
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,519
Slave wages are fine.

259
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,604
How do you feel about alcoholics?

260
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,319
I like alcoholics?

261
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,365
<i>I got the job and we celebrated
with Chinese food.</i>

262
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:21,995
<i>And Kristy bought me two suits,
six ties and a commuter rail pass.</i>

263
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:24,456
<i>I was being paid to write.</i>

264
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,166
<i>Not novels, but ads.</i>

265
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,835
<i>People were taking notice of
my ability.</i>

266
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,242
<i>There was something fresh and exciting
in the way I wrote</i>

267
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,797
<i>about disposable diapers.</i>

268
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,511
<i>I was meeting my obligations
to the life we were making.</i>

269
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,098
<i>There was finally
a future in my future.</i>

270
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,479
<i>So, why did I feel like the world
was closing in on me?</i>

271
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,192
<i>Now I had a real job</i>

272
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:54,027
<i>and Kristy was moving up
in her company,</i>

273
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:57,655
<i>we could buy a three-bedroom mortgage
with two baths on a monthly payment.</i>

274
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,787
My mother offered to buy us a couch.

275
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:06,059
I don't know why you turned her down.

276
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,251
Two reasons.

277
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,879
First, she wanted to pick it out

278
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:15,590
and therefore make sure
I decorate the house to her taste.

279
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,426
Second, if she bought one,

280
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,720
she'd want to come over all the time
and admire it.

281
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:22,972
Would that be so terrible?

282
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,226
Let's not fight.

283
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,394
Who is fighting?

284
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,770
You're getting ready.

285
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:31,398
No, you made the nasty remark.

286
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,066
Not nasty, but true.

287
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,527
What did your mother say
the first time she came over here?

288
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,654
That they liked the place.

289
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,280
To you. And to me?

290
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:40,448
I don't remember.

291
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:44,744
She said, "It's amazing how little
your housing dollar buys today."

292
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:49,290
Kristy, she was merely stating
a simple economic fact.

293
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,794
Every time family comes up, we fight,
so why don't we drop it?

294
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:57,298
I can handle it, you can't!
That's what's bothering you.

295
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,818
This is our house. We'll have
our own family, our own life.

296
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:01,302
Your family and mine don't matter!

297
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,181
I would like to have
my family over once!

298
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,767
They were over once.
They'll be over again.

299
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,981
Nothing you say will change the fact
that they are my flesh and blood.

300
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,650
If they're your flesh and blood,
what am I?

301
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,404
You're my wife,
not my flesh and blood.

302
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,576
Why not move in with them, then?
You share flesh and blood.

303
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,162
With me, it's just gold bands
and bath towels.

304
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:28,371
That's not what I meant.

305
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:31,499
They're your flesh and blood.
I'm not!

306
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,753
I'm just the asshole who married you.

307
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,297
Do you mean that?

308
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,633
No.

309
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,218
This is ridiculous!

310
00:21:42,719 --> 00:21:45,638
Very. I'll see you later!

311
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:51,311
You didn't put the end table
on the end of anything!

312
00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:01,821
<i>The job, the house, the furniture,
the fights, those were symptoms.</i>

313
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,948
<i>The disease was growing up...</i>

314
00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:07,577
<i>and it was happening faster
than I'd ever imagined possible.</i>

315
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:11,414
<i>In the back of my mind, I'd thought
I might be the mythical immortal one,</i>

316
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:12,957
<i>the true Peter Pan.</i>

317
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,002
<i>I was sorely mistaken.</i>

318
00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:27,263
We can't afford this.

319
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:36,439
Goodbye.

320
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:45,740
I'll miss you.

321
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:32,954
He's going to burn them!

322
00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:34,747
Cynthia, he's going to burn them!

323
00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:37,000
Gregory, put that down!

324
00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:40,628
You know what two things
I like most about you, Briggsie?

325
00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:42,171
I can't imagine.

326
00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,799
Your wife and your lawnmower.

327
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:48,540
I've seen your wife.
What kind of mower you got, Briggsie?

328
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:52,974
It's... the kind
you don't have to push.

329
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:57,937
But you do it standing up,
a power mower!

330
00:23:58,271 --> 00:23:59,981
What brand?

331
00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:07,614
I've got to be honest with you.
It was a gift and I never looked.

332
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:11,034
Wait a minute. You don't know
what kind of mower you have?

333
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:14,370
When you got it, didn't you have
any specs that came with it?

334
00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:16,539
How can you not know
what kind of mower you got?

335
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,001
You've got a Big Yard King 410!
Remember that.

336
00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:21,169
A Yard King 410.

337
00:24:21,252 --> 00:24:23,921
The 410 is shit. I like the old 380.

338
00:24:24,172 --> 00:24:25,340
You're out of your mind!

339
00:24:25,423 --> 00:24:26,758
The grass catcher on a 410

340
00:24:26,841 --> 00:24:30,261
has a third more capacity than a 380.
That alone makes it a better unit.

341
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:35,099
It doesn't matter how much cubic feet
of horseshit you can get in it!

342
00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:38,269
The 410 is gonna fall apart.
It has got a plastic flywheel.

343
00:24:38,353 --> 00:24:40,104
You'll have a major lawsuit
on your hands.

344
00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:41,522
You're asking for it!

345
00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,441
The government won't buy 410s

346
00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:46,694
due to the danger
of the plastic flywheel!

347
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,363
Put that down!

348
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,201
Where do you work?

349
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,371
I'm a research analyst at Comtex.

350
00:24:57,246 --> 00:25:00,958
I win! Lynn bet me a box of Pop-Tarts
that you were a lawyer.

351
00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:04,212
Every career woman who moves
into this neighborhood

352
00:25:04,462 --> 00:25:07,090
always brings something
nobody has ever heard of.

353
00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:11,219
What did Sheila Walker-Reynolds make
last year?

354
00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:15,682
It was red... Goat cheese ravioli.

355
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:17,141
No, that wasn't it.

356
00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:18,976
It certainly was.

357
00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:21,270
Hank asked her, she told him,

358
00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:22,814
then he spat it out in the gutter

359
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,316
and the Thackerays' dog
got hold of it and ate it.

360
00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:26,984
Let me tell you another thing.

361
00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:29,654
I'll give you a piece of philosophy.
Wives are like lawnmowers.

362
00:25:29,904 --> 00:25:33,741
Fancy ones wear out fast.
Good solid ones last a lifetime.

363
00:25:33,991 --> 00:25:36,828
This man goes through
two hoses a season.

364
00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:40,748
My point is still valid.
I'm not married to my hose.

365
00:25:40,998 --> 00:25:43,334
Good thing.
You'd be on your 18th wife.

366
00:25:43,626 --> 00:25:47,338
There's some humor for you.
That is supposed to be humor.

367
00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:50,341
He buys that cheap vinyl crap,
you know, that you can't roll up.

368
00:25:50,508 --> 00:25:53,469
And the sun beats down on it
and heats the water all up.

369
00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:56,347
Then, when he washes his dog,
he scalds the shit out of it.

370
00:25:59,183 --> 00:26:00,935
Hank is washing his dog again!

371
00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:02,353
It happened once!

372
00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:03,980
- Twice!
- Fellas, I gotta...

373
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,148
You can't count!

374
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:06,774
I've got to check on something.

375
00:26:06,858 --> 00:26:08,025
It's something I said?

376
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,902
Hey, Briggsie!

377
00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:12,739
Let me ask you a question.

378
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:15,575
What do you do up in that room
at night?

379
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,537
I've seen you there.
Your hands are doing weird things.

380
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,080
I'm writing a book.

381
00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:23,875
A book?

382
00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,878
It was Scooter Albert
that ate the balloon.

383
00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:30,214
The little cross-eyed boy
with the impetigo!

384
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:34,385
Was he the one who drew the boobies
on Heather's doll?

385
00:26:34,802 --> 00:26:37,305
- No, he was...
- Will you excuse me for a second?

386
00:26:37,388 --> 00:26:38,681
Oh, yeah.

387
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:47,106
Listen, if your wife was
in as good condition as his is,

388
00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,400
would you be up all night
writing a book?

389
00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:51,819
Look at those guys.

390
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:54,280
- What are they talking about?
- Three guesses.

391
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:59,577
What is this... Ken!

392
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:03,873
Ken, I'm talking to you!

393
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,041
Yo!

394
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:08,085
Would you bring
the picnic table around?

395
00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:12,048
- Go on, you're up.
- Hank, help him!

396
00:27:12,632 --> 00:27:14,217
He can do it himself!

397
00:27:14,926 --> 00:27:18,012
You haven't done a thing
to get ready for this!

398
00:27:18,179 --> 00:27:20,765
I did! I washed the dog, didn't I?

399
00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:22,850
You burned the dog!

400
00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:02,849
You've got to come to New York
some time.

401
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:07,144
I know! I've tried to convince Kristy.
I really want to.

402
00:28:07,311 --> 00:28:09,981
I mean, it makes Chicago look like...

403
00:28:10,064 --> 00:28:11,607
Chicago.

404
00:28:16,946 --> 00:28:18,197
Do you work, Erin?

405
00:28:18,281 --> 00:28:19,490
She models.

406
00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:21,576
Oh, really?

407
00:28:21,659 --> 00:28:22,785
I just did a video.

408
00:28:22,952 --> 00:28:24,996
Are you in a band or...

409
00:28:25,079 --> 00:28:26,581
No, I'm not in a band!

410
00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:28,583
What do you do exactly?

411
00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:30,209
Give me your glass.

412
00:28:30,793 --> 00:28:32,879
Sure. It's diet. Is that okay?

413
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:34,005
Figures.

414
00:28:46,017 --> 00:28:47,018
That's great.

415
00:28:48,394 --> 00:28:52,440
That's terrific.
That's really, really good.

416
00:28:53,774 --> 00:28:58,654
It's just running in clubs right now.
MTV rejected it because of the nudity.

417
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:02,033
- You're kidding?
- No.

418
00:29:02,533 --> 00:29:05,369
It's ridiculous. That is ridiculous.

419
00:29:05,536 --> 00:29:07,580
Big deal.
I'm wearing a fucking G-string!

420
00:29:07,830 --> 00:29:09,415
I didn't even bend over.

421
00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:12,209
That's not that controversial
if you didn't bend over.

422
00:29:12,376 --> 00:29:14,879
I mean, that's not...

423
00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:23,346
How long have you been married?
I mean, you are married, right?

424
00:29:23,721 --> 00:29:27,016
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
Got the band of gold!

425
00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:30,561
It's...

426
00:29:31,020 --> 00:29:33,397
- Two years, babe.
- Two years.

427
00:29:38,361 --> 00:29:40,071
How long are you staying in town?

428
00:29:40,154 --> 00:29:41,489
A few days.

429
00:29:43,741 --> 00:29:46,786
Erin's mother died last night,
so we're doing the funeral...

430
00:29:47,244 --> 00:29:48,829
- ...bullshit.
- That whole scene.

431
00:29:48,996 --> 00:29:50,539
Yeah, Davis made me come.

432
00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:54,377
I think he misses Chicago,
if that's possible.

433
00:29:54,627 --> 00:29:56,337
You see, I'm a New Yorker.

434
00:29:56,462 --> 00:29:58,089
I hate everyplace else.

435
00:29:58,172 --> 00:29:59,465
I know what you mean.

436
00:29:59,632 --> 00:30:03,010
Well, I can take LA.
I won't puke if I'm in LA.

437
00:30:03,260 --> 00:30:04,887
Yeah, LA is nice.

438
00:30:04,971 --> 00:30:06,764
We've never been to LA.

439
00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,892
Of course, we've never been,
but I hear it's nice.

440
00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:11,727
Yeah, right.

441
00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:14,105
I'm so sorry about your mother, Erin.

442
00:30:14,563 --> 00:30:15,856
You and Neiman Marcus.

443
00:30:21,362 --> 00:30:22,863
Are you staying with family?

444
00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,532
We're at the Ritz-Carlton.

445
00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:28,160
<i>Tragic error coming up. Ready?</i>

446
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:31,998
<i>One, two, three...</i>

447
00:30:33,374 --> 00:30:34,458
A hotel?

448
00:30:35,543 --> 00:30:37,336
Don't be silly.
Why don't you stay here?

449
00:30:43,092 --> 00:30:44,093
What?

450
00:30:44,176 --> 00:30:45,845
What do you mean, "what"?

451
00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:49,140
Am I supposed to make
my best friend stay in a hotel?

452
00:30:49,223 --> 00:30:50,641
Best friend, my ass!

453
00:30:50,725 --> 00:30:55,229
You haven't seen him in two years,
and he's turned into a complete jerk!

454
00:30:55,396 --> 00:30:56,856
- Excuse me?
- You heard me!

455
00:30:56,939 --> 00:30:58,649
And his girlfriend is nauseating!

456
00:30:58,733 --> 00:30:59,775
Nauseating?

457
00:31:00,735 --> 00:31:04,864
Her mother died last night,
but she didn't want to come!

458
00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:06,866
She models nude in videos!

459
00:31:06,949 --> 00:31:08,909
Not nude, she was wearing a G-thing!

460
00:31:08,993 --> 00:31:10,745
It probably wasn't a video!

461
00:31:10,828 --> 00:31:13,205
Maybe her mother wasn't very nice.

462
00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:16,333
I don't care!
That bitch has no feelings

463
00:31:16,417 --> 00:31:19,545
and it makes me sick
she's sleeping in our house!

464
00:31:20,254 --> 00:31:22,339
I'll have to burn the sheets!

465
00:31:23,132 --> 00:31:24,526
What if it was one of your friends?

466
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:26,635
What if the shoe was on
the other foot?

467
00:31:26,719 --> 00:31:28,429
I'd go barefoot!

468
00:31:28,679 --> 00:31:30,806
Oh, geez,
don't give me that righteous pose.

469
00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:32,141
Move!

470
00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:33,601
- What?
- Move!

471
00:31:34,143 --> 00:31:37,730
What do you want me to do? Tell me!
Throw them out in the snow?

472
00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:39,648
- Yes.
- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

473
00:31:39,774 --> 00:31:41,525
- Yes.
- Forget it!

474
00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:44,153
- You're not sleeping in this bed!
- Oh, really?

475
00:31:44,236 --> 00:31:46,697
Anywhere but in this room
or in this bed!

476
00:31:46,781 --> 00:31:49,784
Isn't it embarrassing
to have Davis know we're fighting?

477
00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:51,285
Not to me.

478
00:31:51,368 --> 00:31:53,746
Okay, fine, forget it! Forget it!

479
00:31:55,956 --> 00:31:57,374
But if he asks...

480
00:31:58,876 --> 00:32:00,002
I'm telling him everything!

481
00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:03,714
Don't forget to tell him
how I feel about his girlfriend!

482
00:32:04,924 --> 00:32:07,176
She's got some lungs
when she wants them.

483
00:32:08,469 --> 00:32:10,638
Jerk!

484
00:32:18,145 --> 00:32:19,897
I never thought this was
where you'd end up.

485
00:32:21,565 --> 00:32:22,733
I like it here.

486
00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:25,361
Let me tell you something, pal.

487
00:32:26,695 --> 00:32:28,572
If you want to be a writer,
move to New York.

488
00:32:28,948 --> 00:32:33,119
Here, nothing happens to write about.
I'm just being honest, okay?

489
00:32:33,202 --> 00:32:35,871
I see you dead in the water,
face down.

490
00:32:35,955 --> 00:32:37,039
You are rotting.

491
00:32:37,123 --> 00:32:38,165
What is this?

492
00:32:39,792 --> 00:32:42,169
Give me that.
That's my porcelain udder buddy.

493
00:32:44,964 --> 00:32:46,132
It's a dairy dispenser.

494
00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:47,842
Delightful.

495
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:50,594
You've only been here for four hours.

496
00:32:50,678 --> 00:32:52,238
How do you know
what's going on with me?

497
00:32:52,388 --> 00:32:56,058
Look at the way that you live.
It's boring, it's torpid.

498
00:32:56,225 --> 00:33:00,729
My God, "Ho, ho, ho,
cocktails and mistletoe."

499
00:33:00,896 --> 00:33:04,400
Yeah, let's just bop on
over to Walt and Shirley's house

500
00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:07,486
- for egg-nog and a yule log.
- Wise-ass!

501
00:33:07,570 --> 00:33:09,155
You believe in this!

502
00:33:09,697 --> 00:33:10,906
Should I live like you?

503
00:33:11,448 --> 00:33:13,117
- Yes.
- I can't.

504
00:33:13,409 --> 00:33:16,370
- Why not?
- You live for yourself. I don't!

505
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,038
I have Kristy.

506
00:33:23,794 --> 00:33:25,129
You want some more truth?

507
00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:26,213
No.

508
00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:27,381
Too bad.

509
00:33:29,633 --> 00:33:31,969
It's rude and it's wrong,
but it's right on the money.

510
00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:34,972
She's holding you back, man.

511
00:33:37,099 --> 00:33:41,437
You're a drowning man
and she's an anchor around your neck.

512
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,314
She's making all the choices.

513
00:33:43,397 --> 00:33:44,565
No, that's not...

514
00:33:44,648 --> 00:33:45,900
- Yes!
- No.

515
00:33:47,902 --> 00:33:49,069
I love Kristy.

516
00:33:50,279 --> 00:33:52,114
She's the sweetest girl in the world.

517
00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:55,367
She doesn't have a mean bone
in her body.

518
00:33:57,536 --> 00:34:00,080
But I love you like a brother,
and you know that.

519
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:06,670
And this hurts like hell to say,
and maybe I'm wrong...

520
00:34:10,424 --> 00:34:11,425
but I miss you.

521
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:14,929
I miss you very much.

522
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,102
I miss our friendship.

523
00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:24,730
Very much.

524
00:34:31,862 --> 00:34:33,030
Kiss me.

525
00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:41,538
Hey, remember what I said, though.

526
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:45,292
- What about Erin?
- What about Erin?

527
00:34:46,210 --> 00:34:47,711
-Don't you have any feelings for her?

528
00:34:47,795 --> 00:34:51,465
No, and I hope she has none for me.

529
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,677
You don't need to have feelings
to go to bed with somebody,

530
00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:59,265
and the fact you mention it indicates
how parochial you've become.

531
00:35:01,725 --> 00:35:03,560
I don't think
there's anything parochial

532
00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:05,854
about a man loving a woman.

533
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:07,731
Save that for
the Broadway show lyrics.

534
00:35:07,815 --> 00:35:09,775
It's nothing to live your life by.

535
00:35:11,151 --> 00:35:13,988
I'm very disappointed in you, Jake.

536
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:16,407
You should be doing more than this.

537
00:35:17,408 --> 00:35:18,784
I'm doing just fine.

538
00:35:19,827 --> 00:35:21,328
- You can think that.
- I do.

539
00:35:23,414 --> 00:35:24,999
There's more to life
than getting laid.

540
00:35:27,710 --> 00:35:29,044
You can think that, too.

541
00:36:30,064 --> 00:36:32,775
I love this place! This is great!

542
00:36:33,692 --> 00:36:35,861
Can you believe it,
three bucks for a beer?

543
00:36:37,029 --> 00:36:39,698
I paid three! I love that! It's great!

544
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:14,543
Be right back, okay?
You wait right here?

545
00:39:02,382 --> 00:39:03,634
Enjoying the music?

546
00:39:07,638 --> 00:39:09,431
Sorry. The ladies' room
was too crowded.

547
00:39:09,515 --> 00:39:11,391
You don't mind, do you?

548
00:39:12,643 --> 00:39:13,936
No, not at all.

549
00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:33,997
Do you come here a lot?

550
00:39:34,081 --> 00:39:35,249
A lot?

551
00:39:36,667 --> 00:39:39,127
I don't know if you'd say a lot.
Twice tonight.

552
00:39:39,294 --> 00:39:42,881
But I had coffee earlier,
then a beer.

553
00:39:43,090 --> 00:39:45,425
I meant the place. The club.

554
00:39:50,556 --> 00:39:51,557
Ciao!

555
00:40:05,696 --> 00:40:08,490
<i>Hi, Lefty.
How is the neighborhood gigolo?</i>

556
00:40:11,702 --> 00:40:16,248
<i>Well, Lefty boy,
about this Valerie Blake.</i>

557
00:40:16,373 --> 00:40:18,041
<i>- Is she, you know...
- No.</i>

558
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:40,939
Kristy?

559
00:40:43,817 --> 00:40:46,361
Did you hear that? Kris?

560
00:40:51,074 --> 00:40:52,284
Oh, my God.

561
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:54,429
Hello, Jake.

562
00:42:01,228 --> 00:42:03,814
You didn't lock the door.
Is it all right that I came in?

563
00:42:04,106 --> 00:42:05,232
How did you find me?

564
00:42:06,066 --> 00:42:07,567
I've been watching you.

565
00:42:09,569 --> 00:42:13,782
You must know, I don't make a habit
of walking into people's houses.

566
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:15,409
It's okay.

567
00:42:20,372 --> 00:42:21,665
You're frightened.

568
00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:26,211
I don't know, I...

569
00:42:28,130 --> 00:42:32,426
I think I'm experiencing an emotion
that hasn't been defined yet.

570
00:42:35,971 --> 00:42:38,181
The more I try to explain to you why

571
00:42:38,849 --> 00:42:40,350
and how I came to be here...

572
00:42:42,769 --> 00:42:44,229
the less we'd both understand it.

573
00:42:44,563 --> 00:42:46,064
Probably.

574
00:42:48,066 --> 00:42:53,196
I'll just say I have a very deep
and certain feeling about you.

575
00:42:55,365 --> 00:42:56,742
Do you believe in destiny?

576
00:42:57,909 --> 00:42:59,327
From now on, I will.

577
00:43:01,079 --> 00:43:02,539
We were meant to be.

578
00:43:03,707 --> 00:43:06,668
For several years now, you've felt
like something was missing.

579
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,505
You were carrying with you a void,
and I was born to fill it.

580
00:43:11,965 --> 00:43:13,133
We can't help it.

581
00:43:23,935 --> 00:43:27,981
Our lives up to now have been
the prelude to this moment.

582
00:43:29,566 --> 00:43:30,901
Now it's happened,

583
00:43:30,984 --> 00:43:33,904
and all that emptiness you felt
is gone.

584
00:43:36,072 --> 00:43:38,742
It's not wrong. No guilt.

585
00:43:39,618 --> 00:43:42,454
It's destiny. You couldn't prevent it.

586
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:47,000
No guilt, only pleasure.

587
00:43:50,295 --> 00:43:53,757
You don't need anything else
for the rest of your life.

588
00:43:59,513 --> 00:44:00,639
We have no choice?

589
00:44:00,722 --> 00:44:02,349
We have no choice.

590
00:44:04,935 --> 00:44:06,269
We're destiny.

591
00:44:07,687 --> 00:44:10,482
Jake, you're dreaming again, sweetie.

592
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:19,616
Babe, what happened?

593
00:44:21,117 --> 00:44:22,494
Bad dream.

594
00:44:24,746 --> 00:44:29,209
<i>Why couldn't I accept who I was,
what I was, and where I was?</i>

595
00:44:29,626 --> 00:44:32,420
<i>Why couldn't I be like everyone else
on the train?</i>

596
00:44:32,712 --> 00:44:34,756
<i>Were they mindless, anonymous drones</i>

597
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,301
<i>following the scent of money
to a senseless, forgotten end?</i>

598
00:44:38,385 --> 00:44:40,512
<i>Or bearers of a great secret</i>

599
00:44:40,637 --> 00:44:42,722
<i>that allowed them
to rejoice in this life</i>

600
00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:45,016
<i>I was so unwilling to embrace?</i>

601
00:44:45,642 --> 00:44:48,144
<i>And what was the deal
with that weird dream?</i>

602
00:44:49,020 --> 00:44:52,691
<i>So many questions, so few answers.</i>

603
00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:58,488
Come on! 17, 18. What's the big deal?

604
00:44:58,572 --> 00:44:59,656
What do you expect?

605
00:44:59,739 --> 00:45:01,419
You've been here a year,
a year and a half.

606
00:45:01,575 --> 00:45:05,453
Five, ten years, you'll be cranking
this crap out in your sleep.

607
00:45:06,580 --> 00:45:10,000
I don't intend to be writing ads
ten years from now. Thank you.

608
00:45:10,834 --> 00:45:12,961
Oh, what? This is just temporary?

609
00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:14,421
Yeah, very.

610
00:45:15,005 --> 00:45:20,176
I had the same feelings at your age.
I actually even quit once.

611
00:45:20,260 --> 00:45:21,261
Did you?

612
00:45:21,553 --> 00:45:22,762
To write a book.

613
00:45:22,888 --> 00:45:24,014
- Yeah?
- Yep.

614
00:45:24,264 --> 00:45:26,308
And I built six birdhouses,

615
00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:30,687
put on 20lb,
watched 5, 000 hours of TV,

616
00:45:30,812 --> 00:45:33,773
wrote a page and a half,
called Howard,

617
00:45:33,857 --> 00:45:35,358
got my old job back.

618
00:45:35,650 --> 00:45:38,945
Everybody tries it
and everybody comes back.

619
00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:41,698
The rare individual breaks out.

620
00:45:42,282 --> 00:45:44,701
But it's too infrequent
to warrant consideration.

621
00:45:44,784 --> 00:45:46,202
Forget it.

622
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:49,456
You're looking at the rare individual,

623
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,083
because I'm busting out.

624
00:45:52,208 --> 00:45:58,048
Listen, I measure my life
in degrees of happiness.

625
00:45:58,590 --> 00:46:03,136
I'm supporting my family
in a way that makes me happy.

626
00:46:03,637 --> 00:46:07,807
I've got a nice house.
I've got a real nice car.

627
00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:12,187
And, once a year,
I write an ad that I'm proud of.

628
00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:14,940
And that's what you want?

629
00:46:15,023 --> 00:46:16,524
No, that's what I take.

630
00:46:17,776 --> 00:46:19,611
You never get what you want.

631
00:46:20,737 --> 00:46:24,324
The guys who jump off the bridge
on their 40th birthdays

632
00:46:24,449 --> 00:46:26,910
are the ones who want more
than they will ever get.

633
00:46:29,204 --> 00:46:30,747
You depress the shit out of me.

634
00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:31,998
Yeah?

635
00:46:32,082 --> 00:46:34,000
Consider what I do to myself.

636
00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:38,088
<i>He was my boss.
I secretly believed he was terrified</i>

637
00:46:38,213 --> 00:46:41,049
<i>that I might make something
of myself outside the field.</i>

638
00:46:41,466 --> 00:46:43,927
<i>If I did, he'd be reminded
in living color</i>

639
00:46:44,010 --> 00:46:45,387
<i>of his own failures.</i>

640
00:46:45,845 --> 00:46:47,931
<i>The last thing I needed at this point
in my life</i>

641
00:46:48,014 --> 00:46:51,768
<i>was a 36-year-old manic depressive
begrudging me my youth.</i>

642
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:54,270
<i>I was frightened enough
that it was evaporating.</i>

643
00:46:54,646 --> 00:46:55,939
Get used to it, pal.

644
00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,233
It only gets worse.

645
00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:13,498
<i>Have you ever held a baby before?</i>

646
00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:14,582
No.

647
00:47:14,666 --> 00:47:16,209
- Do you want to?
- Yes.

648
00:47:17,377 --> 00:47:18,795
Sit over here.

649
00:47:33,518 --> 00:47:36,104
Kristy, over here, right now.

650
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:42,402
Now. No, not later, now. Sex now.

651
00:47:44,446 --> 00:47:45,864
Babe, we're going to have sex now.

652
00:47:47,907 --> 00:47:49,200
Can we have sex now?

653
00:47:49,909 --> 00:47:53,204
You want to mate with me?
You want to mate?

654
00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:15,143
Sorry, guys, take a hike.

655
00:48:32,285 --> 00:48:35,705
Russ, what I'm going to do
to your daughter tonight...

656
00:49:18,456 --> 00:49:21,084
Kristy? I'm going to sleep now, babe.

657
00:49:21,417 --> 00:49:24,796
So when you come in,
be careful not to wake me,

658
00:49:24,963 --> 00:49:27,215
because I'm really tired.

659
00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:30,343
Okay?

660
00:49:31,136 --> 00:49:34,139
I'm just... I'm just dog tired.

661
00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:37,308
And I've got a big day tomorrow.

662
00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:43,606
<i>One of the stupidest and least
effective methods of seducing a woman.</i>

663
00:49:44,149 --> 00:49:47,777
<i>The logic is that, by making myself
seem uninterested in sex,</i>

664
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:50,488
<i>she'll be challenged. It never worked.</i>

665
00:49:51,156 --> 00:49:53,074
<i>But that was no reason to stop trying.</i>

666
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,375
<i>For the first time
in our relationship,</i>

667
00:51:25,458 --> 00:51:27,085
<i>she took the initiative.</i>

668
00:51:27,835 --> 00:51:31,172
<i>Suddenly, and without warning,
the game had turned on the hunter.</i>

669
00:51:31,631 --> 00:51:34,259
<i>First thought: she was mistaking me
for someone else.</i>

670
00:51:34,717 --> 00:51:37,178
<i>Second thought: she'd started drinking
in the afternoons.</i>

671
00:51:37,595 --> 00:51:40,056
<i>Third and final thought: she loved me.</i>

672
00:51:40,807 --> 00:51:43,101
<i>I missed the target, but hit the tree.</i>

673
00:52:37,322 --> 00:52:38,823
Plastic flywheel!

674
00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:41,159
It's probably out of gas.

675
00:52:41,242 --> 00:52:42,535
You're out of gas!

676
00:52:42,618 --> 00:52:44,871
You see this? Perch on it.

677
00:52:45,038 --> 00:52:48,041
Hey! I'm rubber, you're glue.

678
00:52:48,207 --> 00:52:50,668
Whatever you say bounces off me
and sticks to you.

679
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:52,253
Stick this!

680
00:52:54,088 --> 00:52:55,173
Up yours!

681
00:52:55,256 --> 00:52:56,674
Up yours, too!

682
00:53:10,563 --> 00:53:12,190
It's you and me.

683
00:53:14,150 --> 00:53:15,151
Ciao!

684
00:55:06,596 --> 00:55:08,139
Can I get anybody anything?

685
00:55:08,848 --> 00:55:12,185
Yeah. Dinner, missy!
How about it? Let's go.

686
00:55:42,381 --> 00:55:45,134
This is good, Jake.
You're quite a barbecue chef.

687
00:55:46,511 --> 00:55:48,095
What fascinates me
is how you got it...

688
00:55:48,930 --> 00:55:52,892
blood raw on one side
and charred to a crisp on the other.

689
00:55:54,602 --> 00:55:56,687
- My steak is fine, Russ.
- Mine, too, darling.

690
00:55:57,313 --> 00:55:59,982
What is this?
What, is this dirt on here?

691
00:56:01,817 --> 00:56:03,069
Did you say something, Jake?

692
00:56:03,152 --> 00:56:04,153
No.

693
00:56:05,530 --> 00:56:07,532
Why do you complain about everything?

694
00:56:07,615 --> 00:56:08,866
I'm not complaining.

695
00:56:08,950 --> 00:56:10,159
You certainly are.

696
00:56:10,243 --> 00:56:12,328
No, you want to hear complaining?

697
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:16,249
Missy, when are you going to get
your butt in gear

698
00:56:16,332 --> 00:56:18,251
and get me a grandchild?

699
00:56:18,334 --> 00:56:19,919
I think it's about time too, Russ.

700
00:56:20,002 --> 00:56:22,004
At last we agree on something.

701
00:56:22,213 --> 00:56:24,423
Everything in due time!

702
00:56:25,007 --> 00:56:27,093
For cripe's sake,
they just moved into a home.

703
00:56:27,218 --> 00:56:30,304
Don't put pressure on pressure.
What's the rush?

704
00:56:30,388 --> 00:56:31,514
I'm with you, Jim.

705
00:56:32,139 --> 00:56:33,933
I had a terrible time
with Kristy's birth,

706
00:56:34,016 --> 00:56:35,643
I almost lost her in delivery.

707
00:56:36,018 --> 00:56:38,020
But if she wants to wait,
it's fine with me.

708
00:56:38,145 --> 00:56:42,441
I just think it's odd
they've been married four years

709
00:56:42,567 --> 00:56:44,235
and they don't even talk about kids.

710
00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:45,778
It was a breech.

711
00:56:46,404 --> 00:56:48,531
The women in my family have
such small hips.

712
00:56:49,699 --> 00:56:52,743
It was painful and it was terrifying.

713
00:56:52,827 --> 00:56:54,662
You're all right now,

714
00:56:55,246 --> 00:56:57,873
so why dwell on it,
in the sweet name of Christ?

715
00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:01,085
You didn't know until it was over.

716
00:57:01,168 --> 00:57:03,254
How could I? I was playing golf.

717
00:57:03,796 --> 00:57:06,799
Darling, you would have divine babies.

718
00:57:06,882 --> 00:57:08,259
Aren't you thinking about it?

719
00:57:08,718 --> 00:57:11,971
Mom, that's a personal matter.

720
00:57:13,222 --> 00:57:16,726
Well, it's a family matter.
We're just curious.

721
00:57:18,060 --> 00:57:20,021
Well, what's the deal?

722
00:57:20,396 --> 00:57:22,356
They'll have kids when they have kids.

723
00:57:23,399 --> 00:57:24,734
Maybe they're not ready.

724
00:57:24,900 --> 00:57:28,195
Are they going to be swingers
the rest of their lives? Is that it?

725
00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:31,157
Did your parents goad you
into having kids?

726
00:57:31,407 --> 00:57:35,620
There was no time to goad me.
No, I had my kids right away.

727
00:57:35,703 --> 00:57:40,249
Down at my company,
everybody my age or around my age

728
00:57:40,374 --> 00:57:43,753
has a picture on their desk
of a grandchild.

729
00:57:43,836 --> 00:57:47,048
I have a picture on my desk of her.

730
00:57:47,131 --> 00:57:51,594
What I want to have on my desk
is a picture of a grandchild!

731
00:57:52,053 --> 00:57:53,846
Well, who wouldn't want that?

732
00:57:53,929 --> 00:57:57,892
But this is one thing we're going
to have to have patience on.

733
00:57:58,017 --> 00:57:59,602
At the rate these two are going,

734
00:57:59,769 --> 00:58:01,771
I'll be retired
before they get round to it.

735
00:58:01,854 --> 00:58:04,440
Then there won't be any desk
to put a picture on!

736
00:58:08,486 --> 00:58:09,487
Are you mad?

737
00:58:11,489 --> 00:58:12,490
No.

738
00:58:12,948 --> 00:58:14,408
Would you rather not talk?

739
00:58:22,083 --> 00:58:25,544
I'm fine.
What do you want to talk about?

740
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,213
You know.

741
00:58:27,838 --> 00:58:28,839
Kids?

742
00:58:29,507 --> 00:58:30,508
You want kids?

743
00:58:30,591 --> 00:58:31,759
Don't you?

744
00:58:32,385 --> 00:58:33,469
It's irreversible.

745
00:58:33,552 --> 00:58:34,553
So?

746
00:58:36,514 --> 00:58:39,016
Not in the mood
for irreversible action.

747
00:58:39,100 --> 00:58:40,976
Let's go to sleep.

748
00:58:41,394 --> 00:58:42,812
Having our parents...

749
00:58:44,980 --> 00:58:46,148
has distorted everything.

750
00:58:52,029 --> 00:58:53,906
It's not a good time to talk serious.

751
00:58:56,534 --> 00:58:57,702
Go to sleep.

752
00:59:07,628 --> 00:59:11,298
If I tell you something,
will you promise not to get mad?

753
00:59:14,427 --> 00:59:15,594
What is it?

754
00:59:17,596 --> 00:59:18,889
Promise you won't get mad?

755
00:59:20,474 --> 00:59:23,102
- Tell me what it is.
- Promise you won't get mad.

756
00:59:25,146 --> 00:59:27,189
Okay, I promise I won't get mad.

757
00:59:32,570 --> 00:59:34,947
I stopped taking the pill
three months ago.

758
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,641
Keep smiling, Briggsie!

759
01:00:04,143 --> 01:00:06,520
Can you hold the baby up higher?

760
01:00:07,313 --> 01:00:08,731
He's got a nosebleed already.

761
01:00:08,939 --> 01:00:12,026
Howard, this is the stupidest thing
I've ever done in my life.

762
01:00:12,318 --> 01:00:15,404
Don't retire the trophy.
Your career is just starting.

763
01:00:15,488 --> 01:00:17,281
Some old shit is retiring,

764
01:00:17,364 --> 01:00:18,633
so I have to take half a day off

765
01:00:18,657 --> 01:00:21,535
and have my picture taken
with somebody's baby. Sorry.

766
01:00:21,619 --> 01:00:25,915
Everybody on the account is doing it.
You're nothing special.

767
01:00:25,998 --> 01:00:29,251
Do they hire us to develop
their advertisement or play the clown?

768
01:00:29,585 --> 01:00:32,379
- Both.
- I hate this. I hate this!

769
01:00:32,463 --> 01:00:35,132
You can relax for a while.
I've got to reset the lights.

770
01:00:38,552 --> 01:00:40,095
Howard, this is ridiculous.

771
01:00:40,179 --> 01:00:43,557
Your wife sees these pictures,
she'll beg you for offspring.

772
01:00:43,641 --> 01:00:46,185
How have you held out so long?

773
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,813
My reproductive life is
none of your business.

774
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:50,523
Where is the mother?

775
01:00:50,606 --> 01:00:52,358
I don't know. Around here, somewhere.

776
01:00:52,441 --> 01:00:54,777
Thanks, guys. Come on.

777
01:01:02,326 --> 01:01:03,494
Sorry.

778
01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:07,414
Sorry. Shall we dance?

779
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:09,291
Give me a break.

780
01:01:18,425 --> 01:01:20,052
- Is this yours?
- No.

781
01:03:12,414 --> 01:03:13,582
My fault.

782
01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:25,094
<i>It was her, in her underwear.</i>

783
01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:28,138
<i>I felt there had to be a reason
why I was seeing her again.</i>

784
01:03:49,952 --> 01:03:51,846
Well, then you tell him...
You tell him to stop...

785
01:03:51,870 --> 01:03:54,373
Whoa! Hey, wait a minute.

786
01:03:55,374 --> 01:03:58,210
I don't want to do this all day long.
Just leave your hands off of me.

787
01:03:58,419 --> 01:04:00,295
I cannot work like this!

788
01:04:26,155 --> 01:04:27,364
You're married.

789
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:32,578
The ring.

790
01:04:33,912 --> 01:04:35,664
Yeah, I am.

791
01:04:36,957 --> 01:04:40,002
- It's okay. I'm married, too.
- Really?

792
01:04:41,211 --> 01:04:43,756
I was too young, he was too young.

793
01:04:45,466 --> 01:04:46,675
I got married young, too.

794
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,052
- Really?
- Yeah.

795
01:04:50,846 --> 01:04:52,973
- Are you still in love with her?
- Yes.

796
01:04:55,893 --> 01:04:59,688
- Yes, absolutely.
- Absolutely?

797
01:05:02,149 --> 01:05:05,986
If you're still in love with her,
how come you're here with me?

798
01:05:16,038 --> 01:05:20,000
- It's okay. You're nervous.
- Nervous?

799
01:05:20,292 --> 01:05:21,585
- I'm not nervous.
- Come on.

800
01:05:25,506 --> 01:05:26,507
Hey!

801
01:05:29,426 --> 01:05:34,515
- Why do you think I'm nervous?
- Because you don't know what you want.

802
01:08:48,083 --> 01:08:49,626
You're home late.

803
01:08:55,966 --> 01:08:58,969
- You scared me.
- I'm sorry. Did you eat?

804
01:08:59,177 --> 01:09:03,098
- Yeah, I got something downtown.
- I went back to the doctor today.

805
01:09:03,432 --> 01:09:06,435
- Oh, yeah. Everything is okay?
- My tests are all in.

806
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:09,521
- Yeah?
- It's not me. I'm fine.

807
01:09:11,273 --> 01:09:13,734
- What does that mean?
- It means I'm okay.

808
01:09:16,069 --> 01:09:18,947
Obviously you're not okay,
if you can't get pregnant.

809
01:09:19,448 --> 01:09:23,368
- I can get pregnant.
- Then why aren't you pregnant?

810
01:09:23,910 --> 01:09:26,330
Because you can't get me pregnant.

811
01:09:33,337 --> 01:09:36,465
- You believe that?
- It's nothing to be ashamed of.

812
01:09:37,591 --> 01:09:38,633
Who is ashamed?

813
01:09:38,925 --> 01:09:41,678
My mother said my father was the same,
but all worked out.

814
01:09:41,762 --> 01:09:44,264
Your mother? You told her about this?

815
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:48,435
Did anybody in the neighborhood
not hear about it? Was it on the news?

816
01:09:49,561 --> 01:09:50,937
I'll tell you what.

817
01:09:51,146 --> 01:09:52,439
Let's invite your parents over

818
01:09:52,522 --> 01:09:54,232
and put some chairs
at the end of the bed.

819
01:09:54,316 --> 01:09:56,316
How would that be?
A little home instruction, huh?

820
01:09:56,401 --> 01:10:00,989
- Get your butt a little higher, Jake.
- Russ, he knows what he's doing.

821
01:10:01,365 --> 01:10:05,243
If he knew what he was doing,
we'd be grandparents by now.

822
01:10:05,952 --> 01:10:07,263
I'm sure your father would have
a lot of pointers for me!

823
01:10:07,287 --> 01:10:10,874
Goddamn! You told your mother? Jesus!

824
01:10:17,923 --> 01:10:21,259
- It could be a very simple problem.
- What problem? There is no problem.

825
01:10:22,928 --> 01:10:25,430
Compared to what I had to go through,
your test is easy.

826
01:10:28,433 --> 01:10:30,060
What's the big deal?

827
01:10:30,394 --> 01:10:33,397
- Would you like to have to do that?
- I'd help.

828
01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:37,359
Very funny. Well, I'm sorry, babe.

829
01:10:37,526 --> 01:10:41,321
If you're fine and I'm not,
there's nothing I can do about it.

830
01:10:41,488 --> 01:10:43,115
I'm sorry. I feel bad, but...

831
01:10:43,198 --> 01:10:45,325
If you have a problem,
it can be treated.

832
01:10:45,409 --> 01:10:49,329
Surgery? That's exactly the spot where
I'd like to have surgery, thank you.

833
01:10:49,454 --> 01:10:53,834
I'd like men poking around
with scalpels at my groin.

834
01:10:53,917 --> 01:10:56,837
No, nobody is touching my balls.

835
01:10:59,756 --> 01:11:03,343
Maybe this is not really the place
to discuss this.

836
01:11:03,510 --> 01:11:06,138
- Why are you being a baby?
- I'm not!

837
01:11:06,263 --> 01:11:08,743
Yes, you are. Do you know how many men
have to go through this?

838
01:11:08,849 --> 01:11:12,269
Whatever number minus one,
because I'm not doing it.

839
01:11:12,436 --> 01:11:16,523
I knew you'd be a baby, so I called
Dr. Stanky and asked what's involved.

840
01:11:17,023 --> 01:11:18,400
You called Dr. Stanky?

841
01:11:28,243 --> 01:11:29,411
Okay, what's involved?

842
01:11:30,287 --> 01:11:32,873
A couple of minutes
and a little plastic cup.

843
01:11:35,876 --> 01:11:38,044
It's all very discreet
and professional.

844
01:12:01,443 --> 01:12:05,822
- Hi, can I help you?
- Yeah, yeah. Jefferson Briggs.

845
01:12:08,783 --> 01:12:13,705
Well, I have my sp...
my... my...

846
01:12:14,039 --> 01:12:15,499
- My...
- Sample?

847
01:12:16,541 --> 01:12:18,543
Yeah, sample. Yeah.

848
01:12:20,921 --> 01:12:22,881
- There you go, okay.
- Thank you.

849
01:12:25,050 --> 01:12:27,636
I'm sorry. Are you sure
there's any in here?

850
01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:01,920
<i>My inability to impregnate Kristy
was blamed on tight shorts,</i>

851
01:13:02,379 --> 01:13:04,589
<i>something to do
with my body temperature.</i>

852
01:13:05,090 --> 01:13:06,591
<i>It seemed rather flimsy to me.</i>

853
01:13:07,217 --> 01:13:09,678
<i>To go through the hell
of a fertility check</i>

854
01:13:09,844 --> 01:13:12,931
<i>and discover that my undergarment
preference was to blame</i>

855
01:13:13,098 --> 01:13:17,227
<i>seemed as silly and pointless
as everything else about my life.</i>

856
01:13:18,937 --> 01:13:20,272
Jake?

857
01:13:23,858 --> 01:13:29,322
Jakey, my temperature is just right.
It's the perfect time. Where are you?

858
01:13:31,866 --> 01:13:33,076
Can you hurry?

859
01:13:33,868 --> 01:13:37,497
<i>Hiding from my wife,
hiding from my manly obligation,</i>

860
01:13:37,956 --> 01:13:40,834
<i>our love nest had become a stud farm.</i>

861
01:13:43,878 --> 01:13:48,425
Jakey, my temperature is just right.
Where are you? Hurry!

862
01:13:53,138 --> 01:13:55,807
Jefferson Edward Briggs!

863
01:13:57,684 --> 01:13:58,977
Hi, babe.

864
01:14:02,105 --> 01:14:03,815
Were you working again
on the water heater?

865
01:14:05,108 --> 01:14:08,111
Sorry, it's 48 hours
since our last coition.

866
01:14:08,236 --> 01:14:09,946
My temperature is optimum.
I'm ovulating,

867
01:14:10,030 --> 01:14:14,367
I have the pillows set up
so that my cervix is placed better

868
01:14:14,451 --> 01:14:16,328
in the intervaginal seminal pool.

869
01:14:16,870 --> 01:14:18,496
You can watch TV if you get bored.

870
01:14:19,998 --> 01:14:22,250
Here is to successful fertilization,
sweetie!

871
01:15:29,067 --> 01:15:30,068
My father died.

872
01:16:02,517 --> 01:16:03,518
Come on in.

873
01:16:04,811 --> 01:16:05,895
Oh, Davis!

874
01:16:07,981 --> 01:16:11,234
I feel so bad about what's happened.
I don't know what to say.

875
01:16:11,317 --> 01:16:13,570
I've never had anyone close to me die.

876
01:16:14,404 --> 01:16:17,699
- You can tell me anything.
- We miss you. How is that?

877
01:16:18,158 --> 01:16:19,284
"We"?

878
01:16:21,369 --> 01:16:23,705
- Jake and I.
- Jake and who?

879
01:16:24,622 --> 01:16:26,374
- Me.
- You miss me?

880
01:16:28,084 --> 01:16:29,669
- Yeah.
- Why?

881
01:16:30,670 --> 01:16:31,671
Why?

882
01:16:32,839 --> 01:16:34,591
Because we've been friends for years.

883
01:16:35,508 --> 01:16:36,509
Is that all?

884
01:16:38,178 --> 01:16:40,305
- Friendship isn't enough?
- Sometimes.

885
01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:45,310
Sometimes not.

886
01:16:48,563 --> 01:16:53,067
Jake told me you want to have a baby.

887
01:17:00,200 --> 01:17:01,201
Why?

888
01:17:05,330 --> 01:17:06,623
Because I'm...

889
01:17:09,334 --> 01:17:12,003
- ...ready.
- How do you know when you're ready?

890
01:17:13,588 --> 01:17:16,508
- You feel it.
- Is Jake ready?

891
01:17:16,966 --> 01:17:19,260
Yeah, I think he is. He says he is.

892
01:17:19,719 --> 01:17:23,515
- How does he know?
- I don't know. Maybe he feels it.

893
01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:28,686
- Maybe not.
- What are you trying to say, Davis?

894
01:17:29,062 --> 01:17:30,897
- Nothing.
- Nothing?

895
01:17:32,857 --> 01:17:35,360
- Nothing.
- Okay.

896
01:17:39,364 --> 01:17:40,740
Sleep well.

897
01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:45,078
I won't.

898
01:17:50,792 --> 01:17:52,418
Davis, what do you want from me?

899
01:17:53,419 --> 01:17:55,129
I want you to kiss me goodnight.

900
01:17:57,340 --> 01:18:01,302
- It was stupid. I'm sorry.
- I've heard some bad come-on lines.

901
01:18:01,386 --> 01:18:03,096
You think I'm scum, don't you?

902
01:18:05,431 --> 01:18:07,809
Because I stayed here with that slut
three years ago.

903
01:18:08,476 --> 01:18:09,769
Let me tell you something.

904
01:18:12,689 --> 01:18:16,234
I envy Jake, I always have.

905
01:18:19,445 --> 01:18:21,781
It was difficult for me
when you two got married.

906
01:18:23,199 --> 01:18:24,242
You're a liar.

907
01:18:25,493 --> 01:18:27,495
I just wanted you
to kiss me goodnight.

908
01:18:31,791 --> 01:18:34,294
So that, in some microscopic way...

909
01:18:39,549 --> 01:18:41,009
I know that you care about me.

910
01:18:57,734 --> 01:18:59,235
I do care.

911
01:19:00,778 --> 01:19:01,821
I always have.

912
01:19:11,164 --> 01:19:13,041
Not in this lifetime, Davis.

913
01:19:15,793 --> 01:19:16,961
Why not?

914
01:19:18,254 --> 01:19:19,631
You have to ask?

915
01:19:22,467 --> 01:19:23,676
You really love him.

916
01:19:26,137 --> 01:19:27,597
With everything I am.

917
01:19:29,599 --> 01:19:31,267
Nothing will change that.

918
01:19:33,353 --> 01:19:38,358
Not your hands on my body, your looks,
your money or your charm. Nothing.

919
01:19:41,319 --> 01:19:42,946
Why does it have to be about love?

920
01:19:44,405 --> 01:19:45,865
Aren't you the least bit curious?

921
01:19:47,867 --> 01:19:51,621
- Didn't you ever steal candy as a kid?
- I'm not a kid any more.

922
01:19:53,122 --> 01:19:55,124
- You got cold, huh?
- I didn't.

923
01:19:56,209 --> 01:19:59,003
I just found out something
you're not even close to yet.

924
01:19:59,337 --> 01:20:00,964
- Educate me.
- It won't mean anything.

925
01:20:01,047 --> 01:20:02,358
You've got to figure it out yourself.

926
01:20:02,382 --> 01:20:04,133
You've got to feel it
in your own skin.

927
01:20:06,552 --> 01:20:08,805
I won't tell Jake about this.
It isn't fatal.

928
01:20:10,348 --> 01:20:11,683
You have your good points.

929
01:20:15,478 --> 01:20:18,523
- You're the only one I ever loved.
- No, Davis.

930
01:20:18,648 --> 01:20:20,483
You're the only one you ever loved.

931
01:20:51,723 --> 01:20:55,226
- Jake? Mrs. Briggs called.
- Yes? My mother called?

932
01:20:56,060 --> 01:20:59,647
- Your wife. She's downtown.
- What's she doing downtown?

933
01:21:00,148 --> 01:21:03,526
I don't know. She said
she wanted to meet you after work.

934
01:21:03,651 --> 01:21:08,114
- And it was important.
- Did she say what was important?

935
01:21:08,614 --> 01:21:11,909
No. She said you should meet her
at 5:00pm

936
01:21:12,076 --> 01:21:13,911
at the Museum of Natural History.

937
01:21:16,122 --> 01:21:20,501
If you're still in love with her,
how come you're here with me?

938
01:21:30,303 --> 01:21:31,596
Dillon, Patterson & Reid?

939
01:21:34,599 --> 01:21:35,725
Hi.

940
01:21:36,684 --> 01:21:40,271
What are you calling now for?
I told you never to call me at work.

941
01:21:42,023 --> 01:21:45,818
Yeah, okay. I'll talk to you later.
I love you.

942
01:22:19,310 --> 01:22:20,311
Jake...

943
01:22:26,609 --> 01:22:27,985
We're going to have a baby.

944
01:22:32,949 --> 01:22:35,660
I found out this morning. I didn't
want to tell you on the phone.

945
01:22:40,039 --> 01:22:41,249
How do you feel?

946
01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:52,343
Are you as happy as I am?

947
01:22:58,432 --> 01:23:00,059
I think so, yeah.

948
01:23:04,397 --> 01:23:05,481
Yeah.

949
01:23:15,491 --> 01:23:16,659
We're blessed.

950
01:25:30,918 --> 01:25:34,213
<i>I'd stumbled into a marriage,
drifted into a career</i>

951
01:25:34,463 --> 01:25:35,965
<i>and backed into fatherhood.</i>

952
01:25:36,549 --> 01:25:37,591
<i>It was too easy.</i>

953
01:25:38,134 --> 01:25:40,720
<i>I couldn't convince myself
everything was all right.</i>

954
01:25:41,721 --> 01:25:45,516
<i>There was something out there,
circling my happy home,</i>

955
01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:49,395
<i>watching me, stalking me,
waiting to strike.</i>

956
01:26:10,916 --> 01:26:12,084
Jake!

957
01:26:12,960 --> 01:26:14,253
Yeah?

958
01:26:16,088 --> 01:26:17,214
Jake!

959
01:26:18,758 --> 01:26:20,051
I'm working!

960
01:26:20,760 --> 01:26:22,595
Jake, honey, it's time!

961
01:26:23,846 --> 01:26:25,222
Time for what?

962
01:27:52,059 --> 01:27:54,770
Sorry, sorry. I'm really sorry.
Are you okay?

963
01:27:55,062 --> 01:27:56,564
- Are you all right? Okay!
- Fine.

964
01:27:57,148 --> 01:28:00,109
- I'm glad you came back.
- Yeah. How do you feel?

965
01:28:00,443 --> 01:28:01,485
- All right?
- I feel fine.

966
01:28:01,569 --> 01:28:03,070
Okay, take it slow. Don't rush.

967
01:28:03,821 --> 01:28:05,531
I don't want you to rush, okay?

968
01:28:06,407 --> 01:28:07,950
Just sit down. Are you all right?

969
01:28:08,284 --> 01:28:09,410
Are you okay?

970
01:29:01,128 --> 01:29:04,006
In through the nose,
and out through the mouth...

971
01:29:04,089 --> 01:29:06,550
Kris, you're not breathing.
In through the nose...

972
01:29:07,009 --> 01:29:10,971
- Out through the mouth.
- Babe, are you okay?

973
01:29:11,055 --> 01:29:14,642
Fine. In through the nose,
out through the mouth.

974
01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:20,523
Are you okay? Remember everything
we learned in class?

975
01:29:20,648 --> 01:29:23,817
Got your focal point?
You got it? Where is it?

976
01:29:25,986 --> 01:29:30,074
Back here? Bureau? That's too big.
Get something more focal.

977
01:29:31,408 --> 01:29:34,912
What? Bunnies? Okay, concentrate
on that and not the pain.

978
01:29:35,663 --> 01:29:39,041
Pretend that there is no pain,
but I'm right here.

979
01:29:39,166 --> 01:29:42,127
- Babe, it's started.
- It's started?

980
01:29:42,294 --> 01:29:44,505
- It's started!
- Why didn't you say?

981
01:29:44,588 --> 01:29:48,592
What is it? About 10 seconds
it's been? Less, more?

982
01:29:49,760 --> 01:29:52,054
What, less? I don't understand.
We'll call it 20.

983
01:29:52,137 --> 01:29:55,266
We'll call it 25, okay?

984
01:29:55,975 --> 01:29:58,352
I don't understand!
What is this? What?

985
01:29:58,852 --> 01:30:02,147
Oh, I'm in the... Oh, I'm sorry.

986
01:30:03,440 --> 01:30:06,610
- Oh, shit!
- Look at it. Look at the bunnies!

987
01:30:07,528 --> 01:30:08,571
Breathe...

988
01:30:09,655 --> 01:30:10,656
Okay, breathe.

989
01:30:22,710 --> 01:30:23,961
That's it?

990
01:30:36,015 --> 01:30:38,100
Are you okay? All right?

991
01:30:38,767 --> 01:30:40,352
You did good.

992
01:30:41,103 --> 01:30:44,148
I think we should work out
some kind of signal

993
01:30:44,231 --> 01:30:46,734
when the contractions start
because I didn't know.

994
01:30:46,859 --> 01:30:52,072
So if you could grab my arm.
Yes, grab my arm when it starts.

995
01:30:52,239 --> 01:30:55,826
Just... That's it? It started again?
Already? So soon?

996
01:30:57,244 --> 01:30:59,622
- Oh, God!
- Nurse!

997
01:31:03,834 --> 01:31:06,962
- Do I come with her?
- No, wait here. I'll be right back.

998
01:31:08,339 --> 01:31:10,049
Okay, okay.

999
01:31:10,215 --> 01:31:12,384
Oh, I hold these? Okay.

1000
01:31:12,801 --> 01:31:14,803
Okay, babe, see you.

1001
01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:19,266
Remember your breathing.
Just relax, now.

1002
01:31:32,988 --> 01:31:36,867
Okay, Kristy, we're going
to move you over.

1003
01:31:37,409 --> 01:31:39,453
- Over here, hon.
- Okay.

1004
01:31:40,329 --> 01:31:42,623
- Okay.
- Nice and easy. That's it.

1005
01:32:00,974 --> 01:32:02,017
Look at this one.

1006
01:32:06,563 --> 01:32:11,235
- Don't touch that.
- Sorry. My fault. Sorry.

1007
01:32:11,527 --> 01:32:14,029
Okay, Kristy, control your breathing,
all right?

1008
01:32:14,405 --> 01:32:15,739
When you feel a contraction,

1009
01:32:15,823 --> 01:32:19,034
take a deep breath in
and hold it while I count to 10.

1010
01:32:19,827 --> 01:32:23,997
Do you feel the contraction?
Deep breath in and hold it for ten.

1011
01:32:24,331 --> 01:32:28,711
One, two, three, four, five,

1012
01:32:29,002 --> 01:32:33,257
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

1013
01:32:33,549 --> 01:32:34,758
Okay, blow it out.

1014
01:32:35,551 --> 01:32:39,012
Take another deep breath
and hold it for 10 again.

1015
01:32:39,179 --> 01:32:41,640
Ready? Good. One, two...

1016
01:32:48,522 --> 01:32:52,234
Oh, hi. I was just watching...

1017
01:32:52,985 --> 01:32:54,945
- Here we go.
- Put these on.

1018
01:32:55,154 --> 01:32:58,157
- Is this my size?
- They're one-size-fits-all.

1019
01:32:58,365 --> 01:33:01,118
Okay, what is this...

1020
01:33:01,326 --> 01:33:04,079
Get these on, come back to me
and I'll take you in.

1021
01:33:04,246 --> 01:33:06,081
Okay, great.

1022
01:33:08,792 --> 01:33:12,463
Mr. Briggs, that goes on
over your clothes.

1023
01:33:13,088 --> 01:33:15,048
Yeah. Of course. I'm sorry.

1024
01:33:18,761 --> 01:33:21,138
- Where is my husband?
- He'll be here soon, Kristy.

1025
01:33:21,346 --> 01:33:22,723
- Oh, God!
- Just relax.

1026
01:33:28,061 --> 01:33:29,480
Jake!

1027
01:33:29,605 --> 01:33:32,858
- Did I do this right?
- It looks okay to me.

1028
01:33:33,025 --> 01:33:35,277
- We're going to the delivery room?
- Yes, we are!

1029
01:33:35,444 --> 01:33:38,405
- I feel good, charged. I'm ready.
- You'll be fine.

1030
01:33:38,572 --> 01:33:40,699
- I thought I'd be nervous, but...
- This way.

1031
01:33:42,242 --> 01:33:44,745
- This is great. Right in here?
- Yes.

1032
01:33:48,415 --> 01:33:50,292
Wait here. I'll be right back.

1033
01:33:50,959 --> 01:33:53,587
- What's the matter?
- Push. Push.

1034
01:33:54,004 --> 01:33:57,257
- Get him out of here.
- Kristy, listen to me...

1035
01:33:57,508 --> 01:34:00,552
Mr. Briggs, you have to wait outside.
There's a complication.

1036
01:34:00,636 --> 01:34:01,720
We need another nurse!

1037
01:34:01,804 --> 01:34:05,349
Mr. Briggs, please!
You have to wait outside.

1038
01:34:05,474 --> 01:34:06,975
- That's my wife!
- I know it is.

1039
01:34:08,435 --> 01:34:10,103
Just tell me what's going on!

1040
01:34:11,438 --> 01:34:13,607
Just tell me what's going on!

1041
01:34:13,732 --> 01:34:16,860
You just calm down!
I'll go and find out what's going on!

1042
01:34:17,069 --> 01:34:18,946
And I'll come back for you.
You stay here!

1043
01:34:30,624 --> 01:34:32,793
Kristy, listen to me right now!

1044
01:34:33,293 --> 01:34:35,212
- Listen to me!
- I want to get it out!

1045
01:34:35,295 --> 01:34:38,423
- Stop pushing...
- I've got to get it out!

1046
01:34:38,590 --> 01:34:42,261
Listen to me! Stop pushing
with your contractions!

1047
01:34:42,427 --> 01:34:46,765
- You're not doing yourself any good.
- I've got to get it out!

1048
01:34:50,519 --> 01:34:51,603
Oh, God!

1049
01:35:07,119 --> 01:35:11,874
Mr. Briggs, the baby is
in a breech presentation.

1050
01:35:13,625 --> 01:35:16,962
- It's coming out backwards.
- What does it mean?

1051
01:35:18,338 --> 01:35:20,132
The baby's head is caught.

1052
01:35:21,008 --> 01:35:25,387
It's too early to tell,
but we're doing everything we can.

1053
01:39:38,515 --> 01:39:39,891
Hi, sweetie.

1054
01:39:52,904 --> 01:39:55,157
I didn't want anybody else
to tell you.

1055
01:39:59,202 --> 01:40:00,620
Babe, it's a boy.

1056
01:40:07,252 --> 01:40:08,295
What?

1057
01:40:09,796 --> 01:40:11,006
We have a boy.

1058
01:40:19,472 --> 01:40:20,515
He is okay?

1059
01:40:34,738 --> 01:40:35,739
Sorry.

1060
01:40:39,993 --> 01:40:41,328
- I love you.
- I love you.

1061
01:40:52,756 --> 01:40:57,802
<i>"And, in the end, I realized
that I took more than I gave.</i>

1062
01:40:58,678 --> 01:41:01,223
<i>"I was trusted more than I trusted.</i>

1063
01:41:02,307 --> 01:41:04,392
<i>"And I was loved more than I loved.</i>

1064
01:41:05,769 --> 01:41:10,690
"And what I was looking for
was not to be found, but to be made."

1065
01:42:01,992 --> 01:42:06,079
How about a nice, simple name?
Larry? Bob?

1066
01:42:07,289 --> 01:42:11,001
If it's a boy,
name it after me: Russell.

1067
01:42:11,209 --> 01:42:13,586
- Jefferson Jr.?
- George?

1068
01:42:13,878 --> 01:42:15,297
- Arnold?
- Caleb?

1069
01:42:15,422 --> 01:42:16,631
- Ian?
- Mark?

1070
01:42:16,840 --> 01:42:18,174
- Marmaduke.
- Otto!

1071
01:42:18,341 --> 01:42:20,010
There aren't enough Ottos around.

1072
01:42:20,135 --> 01:42:21,845
- Douglas?
- Reginald?

1073
01:42:22,387 --> 01:42:23,972
- Igor?
- Hyman!

1074
01:42:24,180 --> 01:42:26,141
Schwok! That's good.

1075
01:42:26,766 --> 01:42:28,327
I don't know what it is.
I heard it on a bus.

1076
01:42:28,351 --> 01:42:30,061
- David?
- Alfred?

1077
01:42:30,312 --> 01:42:33,148
- Irwin!
- Melonhead, or Lizard.

1078
01:42:33,440 --> 01:42:34,691
- Huey.
- Basil.

1079
01:42:35,150 --> 01:42:37,360
- Roland.
- Names for a boy?

1080
01:42:37,485 --> 01:42:40,155
Well, my wife's always been partial
to Bor-bor.

1081
01:42:40,363 --> 01:42:41,823
- Jason?
- Jerome.

1082
01:42:41,990 --> 01:42:44,159
- Vladimir!
- Maximillian, thanks a million.

1083
01:42:44,326 --> 01:42:45,744
- Nicholas.
- Abner.

1084
01:42:45,869 --> 01:42:47,162
- Johann.
- Michael.

1085
01:42:47,287 --> 01:42:53,835
Cryoborg, Gandor, Klaus, Valdor,
Slagathor... Slaggy for short.

1086
01:42:53,918 --> 01:42:55,253
- Rudolph!
- Peter.

1087
01:42:55,378 --> 01:42:56,379
Ashley!

1088
01:42:56,463 --> 01:43:02,802
And I've liked for years Quig, Bligh,
Nargalzius, Rolo, and Vordergan.

1089
01:43:03,178 --> 01:43:04,846
- Jean-Marc.
- Mohammed.

1090
01:43:04,929 --> 01:43:05,930
- Melvin.
- Milton.

1091
01:43:06,014 --> 01:43:07,140
- Duane.
- Klaus.

1092
01:43:07,349 --> 01:43:11,978
Toby? Kind of a sissy.
But, okay, could be a priest.

1093
01:43:12,062 --> 01:43:14,397
- Blind Boy Grunt.
- Jasper!

1094
01:43:14,939 --> 01:43:16,316
- Opie.
- Walter.

1095
01:43:16,566 --> 01:43:18,818
If you want to torment him,
call him Cecil.

1096
01:43:18,943 --> 01:43:20,362
- Charlie.
- Terrence!

1097
01:43:21,696 --> 01:43:23,114
Charlie the first!

1098
01:43:23,239 --> 01:43:25,116
- George.
- Harry.

1099
01:43:25,241 --> 01:43:26,451
- Jeffrey.
- Reuben.

1100
01:43:26,659 --> 01:43:30,038
Or you could go silly
and call him Skippy.

1101
01:43:30,830 --> 01:43:32,248
- Wheeler.
- Jim.

1102
01:43:32,707 --> 01:43:35,919
- Winthrop.
- Barney is a good name.

1103
01:43:36,169 --> 01:43:37,545
- Grover.
- Alvin.

1104
01:43:37,670 --> 01:43:39,172
- Elliot?
- Linus.

1105
01:43:39,422 --> 01:43:40,882
- Roscoe?
- Kerwin.

1106
01:43:41,174 --> 01:43:43,093
- Kyoshi Yamamoto.
- Patrick.

1107
01:43:43,259 --> 01:43:45,053
- How about Little Suck?
- Dashiel.

1108
01:43:45,136 --> 01:43:46,805
- Fred?
- Orbie Lee.

1109
01:43:46,930 --> 01:43:49,724
- Jasper.
- Jazz. J-A-Z-Z.

1110
01:43:50,141 --> 01:43:51,601
- Guido.
- Horatio.

1111
01:43:51,684 --> 01:43:56,481
Baby Magic. Who wouldn't love that?
I would. What about you?

1112
01:43:56,606 --> 01:43:57,982
- Spike.
- Adolph.

1113
01:43:58,233 --> 01:43:59,651
- Chris.
- Mark.

1114
01:44:01,194 --> 01:44:04,447
- Mucus.
- Mucus?

1115
01:44:04,572 --> 01:44:07,075
- What was the question again?
- I'd name him Conan!

1116
01:44:08,743 --> 01:44:11,079
- What about Billy?
- I like Billy.

1117
01:44:11,287 --> 01:44:12,414
- Bunky.
- Buford.

1118
01:44:12,497 --> 01:44:13,623
- Brewster.
- Bertolucci.

1119
01:44:13,790 --> 01:44:14,874
- Barney.
- Basil.

1120
01:44:15,041 --> 01:44:16,084
- Butch.
- Boris.

1121
01:44:16,209 --> 01:44:17,210
Beauregard.

1122
01:44:17,293 --> 01:44:19,379
Bellawackadayforlonger-
amsterdamandashquinina.

1123
01:44:19,546 --> 01:44:20,672
What's wrong with that?

1124
01:44:21,423 --> 01:44:23,967
- I don't know!
- What's wrong with my name?

1125
01:44:24,134 --> 01:44:26,344
- Did we say Christopher yet?
- Yeah.

1126
01:44:26,928 --> 01:44:30,306
- I like Christopher.
- I don't know. Maybe.