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Subtitle OCR Conversion
by +*Halofubar*+
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(GIRL MOANING)
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Come inside, take off your coat
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I'll make you feel at home
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(GIRL BREATHING HEAVILY)
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Now let's pour a glass of wine
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'Cause now we 're all alone
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(GIRL CONTINUES MOANING)
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Oh. my God!
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Girl you make me feel real good
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NOAH: That's right.
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What's up?
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Oh, my God.
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My mom was so right.
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Nice guys really do eat the best pussy.
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I'm not really sure how to
interpret that. Thank you?
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(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
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How are you so good at that?
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I'll let you in on a trade secret.
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I actually write a short story
with my tongue every time I do it.
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It follows this young kid
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who finds this alien in the woods
with all these Reese's Pieces and stuff.
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And he learns that
aliens are just no different.
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You just can connect with anyone.
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It's kind of like E.T.,
only with a lot more going down on chicks.
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- Cool beans.
- Yeah, cool beans.
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- Definitely. Cool little frozen beans.
- Yeah.
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All right, so...
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- Thank you for coming.
- Thank you.
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Yeah, we should...
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- We should probably...
- Yeah, you should probably go.
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...Switch places.
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What's that?
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(LAUGHS)
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- I figured...
- Don't you have to go?
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No, no, I just figured
because I made "mouth love" to you
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that maybe you could
(CLICKS TONGUE) return the favor.
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- What?
- Maybe toss a BJ my way.
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If you have time.
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My stomach is super-iffy right now.
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I think I got food poisoning.
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Baby.
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So I'm just in no condition
to blow you right now, Noah.
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- No, yeah, that's cool.
- Okay.
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Sorry. Next time, sweetie.
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Are you sure you don't want
to come over tonight?
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There's this thing called
a geomagnetic storm.
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It's really cool and rare, actually.
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It's like an astronomical explosion
in the sky of all these beautiful colors.
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Whoa! (LAUGHS)
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Kind of like Mother Nature's fireworks.
It happens, like, almost never.
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Like I said, I'm just not feeling good.
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But thank you so much
for going down on me.
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Oh, yeah. You're really good at
getting going down on,
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getting downed on,
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-so you should be proud of that as well.
- Okay, cool. You da man!
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You da man.
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Peace. You're the best, sweetie.
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Don't stop believing in yourself,
okay, Maris?
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Uncle Ricky, could you read us
a bedtime story?
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Please, huh, please?
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Here we go
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Once upon a time, not long ago
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Where people wore pajamas
and lived life slow
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Where laws were stern
and justice stood
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And people were behavin '
like they ought to good
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There lived a little boy
who was misled
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By another little boy
and this is what he said
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Me and you Tike
We're gonna make some cash
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Robbin' old folks and makin' the dash
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They did the job, money came with ease
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But one couldn't stop
It's like he had a disease
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He robbed another and another
and a sister and a brother
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Tried to rob a man
who was a D. T. undercover
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The cap grabbed his arm
He started actin' erratic
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He said, "Keep still bay, no need for static "
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Punched him in his belly
and gave him a slap
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But little did he know
The little boy was strapped
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The kid pulled outta gun
He said, "Why'd you hit me? "
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The barrel was set straight
for the cop's kidney
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Han up the stairs
up to the tap floor
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Opened up a door, there guess who he saw
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Dave, the dope fiend shootin' dope
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Who don't know the meaning
of water nor soap?
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He said, "I need bullets, hurry up, run "
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The dope fiend rolled back
a spankin' shot gun
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This ain't funny, so don't ya dare laugh
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Just another case about the wrong pa ti?
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Straight and narrow or your soul gets cast
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Good night
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- Yo, Mom, what's up?
- Noah!
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Where were you?
Were you out with that girl again?
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Yeah, but she's not "that girl," okay?
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We're in a relationship. it's legit.
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So have you started looking for a job yet?
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I can't afford to have you
sitting around all day.
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You're in a period of stasis.
Just a stage of stasis.
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- NOAH: Sorry.
- You sure you don't want that beer now?
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Or maybe something stronger?
I have absinthe.
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Why can't we hit up Dad?
He owes us 10 years of alimony.
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Oh, look, kiddo.
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If you're looking for a handout,
think again times 10.
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That guy's a diamond dealer.
He has crazy cash.
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Why'd you marry such an A-hole?
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That A-hole gave me the greatest gift
in the world.
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Crabs?
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He gave me you.
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- Okay.
-(LAUGHS)
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So, tell me, what do you think?
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- Do I look okay?
- You look amazing.
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Why are you so concerned with your outfit?
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Mrs. Pedulla is introducing me to a surgeon
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-at the fundraiser at the Historical Society.
- Okay.
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- She thinks we're going to hit it off.
- Nice.
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Well, don't give it up too easily.
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- Give what up?
- What?
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- Give what up?
- What did...
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- What the hell are you talking about?
- I don't know.
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- Have fun. I love you. Okay?
- I love you.
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(KISSING)
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- Hey, Mom.
- Yeah.
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I think you're going to
have a really great night,
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and you look beautiful.
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Oh. From your lips to God's ears.
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Scientists are predicting a giant storm
aver the city tonight.
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A geomagnetic storm, that is.
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- Caused by flare-ups an the sun,
-(PHONE RINGING)
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this rare storm affects
the Earth '5 magnetic field...
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Noah, can you get the phone?
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Mom, the phone's ringing!
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Noah, please get the phone!
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Mom, the phone's ringing! Do you hear it?
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Noah, can't you think about
somebody else besides yourself for once?
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No, I totally was.
That's why I said the phone was ringing.
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I was letting you know that it was ringing.
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Yeah. I'm thrilled about tonight.
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ANNOUNCER ON TV: You flip, but they flap.
You flip, but they flop!
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What? Oh, is that right?
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NOAH: They perfected the pancake?
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- A rain check?
-It's a perfect pancake!
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- SANDY: No, that's fine.
-It's perfect.
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Mom, tell whoever's on the phone
that there's a perfect pancake.
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SANDY: Thanks.
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I'm not going after all.
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What? Why?
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The Pedullas' sitter canceled
at the last minute.
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What?
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Do I have shit on my face?
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Come on.
Don't tell me you can't use the money.
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Are you crazy? No. I'm not Mary Poppins.
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I'm not gonna be a babysitter.
I'm an adult man.
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Okay? Babysitting sucks.
Adult men don't babysit things.
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Oh, Noah, you're wonderful with children!
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You know, never mind.
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Who am I kidding?
Finding a guy at my age is ridiculous.
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I'm going to change my dress. (EXHALES)
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What are you in the mood for? Chinese?
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(SIGHS) Oh, come on.
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(RINGS DOORBELL)
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NOAH: Ding-dong!
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- Noah!
- Mrs. Pedulla.
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MRS. PEDULLA: it's so good to see you!
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Oh, my gosh.
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Get over... Bring it in for a hug, babe.
What are we doing?
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God, I haven't see you since
you were, like, 15.
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Yeah. So Dr. Pedulla, he's still alive?
You two are still together?
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MRS. PEDULLA: Um...
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Oh! That's my kind of TV, right there.
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Yeah, well, feel free to
watch anything you want.
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- Cool.
- Yeah.
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Hey, Slater?
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Anyway, honey, this is Noah.
He's going to be babysitting tonight.
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- What happened to Nancy?
- Honey, we talked about this.
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Nancy has a urinary tract infection, okay?
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Is Clayton coming over tonight?
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No, Mom.
His tarantula died from parasites,
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and now he's in mourning.
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Well, you're in luck, Noah.
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The two of them together are just trouble.
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Hey. That's not true.
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Why do you say that?
You're always attacking us!
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Honey, I am not attacking you.
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Okay? Calm down.
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(PHONE RINGING)
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- You know what? I'll be right back.
- Yeah.
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Okay? Excuse me just one second.
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Hello?
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NOAH: Hey, what are you watching?
189
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- Just watching some gymnastics.
- Cool.
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Hey, how old are you, man?
191
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,881
- Thirteen.
- Thirteen?
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What am I doing here?
Why aren't you babysitting yourself?
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- I'm not a babysitter, okay?
- Yeah, neither am I.
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If you would just man up and babysit,
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I wouldn't have to be here tonight.
I could be out having fun.
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I have severe anxiety issues.
197
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:47,560
And my doctor, he says that I can't
handle any kind of responsibility,
198
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,573
-or else I could just snap...
-(SNAPS FINGERS)
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00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,006
...at any moment.
200
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Jesus Christ, man. Relax.
201
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Okay. Sorry.
202
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,216
NOAH: Slater, nice to meet you.
203
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All right, should we go upstairs?
Bye, honey.
204
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,009
NOAH: We're gonna have
some fun tonight, pal.
205
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(RAPPING) Hall back nice and easy
206
00:09:06,478 --> 00:09:09,049
Keep your breath inside
so you don't get wheezy
207
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,560
Honey! What did Mommy tell you
about the mascara? Put it down.
208
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,994
- You said I could play dress-up.
- Yeah, I said you could play dress-up,
209
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,156
not make yourself look like a hooker.
210
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Look at you!
211
00:09:17,222 --> 00:09:21,932
(LAUGHS) My daughter Blithe is going
through this whole "celebutante" phase.
212
00:09:22,027 --> 00:09:23,836
It's kind of unfortunate, but it's a fad.
213
00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:25,033
That's what they do in the schools.
214
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,939
It'll pass.
I don't know where they come from.
215
00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:29,069
- Kids, right?
- Yeah, kids.
216
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,806
Are you the babysitter?
217
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,905
Why, in fact, I am. I'm Noah.
218
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,485
- Noah. That's your name?
- Yeah.
219
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:36,985
That's a super-hot name.
220
00:09:37,075 --> 00:09:38,053
What?
221
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:41,056
Honey, it's not hot. it's just his name.
222
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,683
Mom, trust me. it's a hot name.
223
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,561
It's actually biblical.
224
00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:47,220
The Bible's a hot book.
225
00:09:47,886 --> 00:09:51,265
Sometimes I like to get dressed up
and wear my mom's makeup, Noah.
226
00:09:51,356 --> 00:09:52,767
- That's cool.
- I was thinking
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00:09:52,891 --> 00:09:54,598
we could dress you up like a princess.
228
00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:57,871
- No, I don't think, uh... (LAUGHS)
- No, honey,
229
00:09:57,963 --> 00:09:59,533
-maybe not tonight.
- SLATER: Mom!
230
00:09:59,631 --> 00:10:02,134
- Excuse me just one second.
- Yeah, see you in a sec.
231
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:04,339
Hey, Noah. I have a little surprise for you.
232
00:10:04,436 --> 00:10:05,506
Cool. Thanks. What is it?
233
00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:08,782
Do you like to smell pretty?
234
00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:10,511
Do I like to what? (YELLS)
235
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:13,021
(COUGHING) Oh, my God!
You got it right in my mouth!
236
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:14,715
- Why'd you do that?
-(GIGGLING)
237
00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,292
You just spit on my carpet!
238
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,723
And you just sprayed perfume
in my mouth!
239
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:18,851
What's your problem?
240
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:22,558
My real babysitter, Nancy,
she plays with me when she babysits.
241
00:10:22,654 --> 00:10:24,793
She does what I want her to do,
Princess Noah!
242
00:10:24,923 --> 00:10:26,368
You know what?
243
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:28,301
(WHISPERING)
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
244
00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:31,897
I'm not a real babysitter. (FAKE GASPS)
245
00:10:31,997 --> 00:10:32,975
(WHISPERING) Shocking.
246
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,204
I'm more of a sit-on-the-couch,
eat-a-burrito,
247
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,644
do-whatever-I-say-or-I'll-kill-you
type of babysitter.
248
00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:40,216
That's my style, blood. You understand?
249
00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:43,718
Well, I want to wear sparkly things,
shiny things, and glittery stuff
250
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,449
to my favorite hot nightclub, okay?
251
00:10:46,678 --> 00:10:48,885
(MIMICKING)
252
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:52,562
- Motherfuck!
- You guys okay in here?
253
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,028
What's up? Yeah, no, yeah,
254
00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:56,656
I'm just hanging
with this little angel right here.
255
00:10:56,755 --> 00:10:57,927
Yeah, we're just chillin'.
256
00:10:58,323 --> 00:10:59,996
-(QUIETLY) That's funny.
- Your breath is really flowery.
257
00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:02,935
- Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
258
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:05,508
- Okay, should we go downstairs?
- Yeah, cool.
259
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:09,775
ANNOUNCER: Tonight's main event
features crowd favorite
260
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:12,873
Ricky Fontaine versus Dustin MacMillan.
261
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:14,783
MRS. PEDULLA: Rodrigo!
262
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:18,083
What did I tell you
about fireworks in the house?
263
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,589
And can you shut off the kickboxing
for one night, please?
264
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:23,023
Say hula to Noah.
265
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,228
(HISSING)
266
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:28,824
We just adopted him
from El Salvador last year
267
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,424
and, you know, he's going through
some transitions.
268
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,003
NOAH: Okay, cool.
MRS. PEDULLA: Okay, well,
269
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:34,799
we'll see you later, all right?
270
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,365
Besos.
271
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,375
- Sweet kid.
- Yeah.
272
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:39,999
He's a cutie pie.
273
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,075
(OMINOUS COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING)
274
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,021
You kind of have to watch out for Rodrigo.
275
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,386
He has a habit of running away.
276
00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:54,786
Here, hold on to this.
277
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,986
We sewed a GPS chip into his jacket
so we could keep track of him.
278
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,360
It's kind of like a LoJack for kids.
279
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:05,027
Cool. it's just like a little dot
that follows him, like a fugitive.
280
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:07,229
Hey, honey, we're running late! Let's go!
281
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:09,498
- So...
- DR. PEDULLA: In a minute.
282
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:12,404
...All of our information is in here,
under the blue tab.
283
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,511
There's some frozen pizzas
and pudding in the fridge,
284
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,546
and we'll be at the Historical Society
if you need us.
285
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:17,909
NOAH: Cool.
286
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,017
Someone smells wonderful!
287
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,780
I believe that's Noah's mouth.
You remember Noah.
288
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,855
I understand you were cited recently
for driving under the influence.
289
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:28,619
Needless to say,
our cars are off-limits to you.
290
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:31,285
Okay, no cars. Got it.
291
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,363
We'll be back no later than 1:00.
292
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:36,023
Earlier's good for me, too, so hurry home.
293
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,033
- And thank you!
- NOAH: Thank you, sweetheart.
294
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,696
What the fuck am I doing here?
295
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,301
I come in peace.
296
00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:47,607
And you go in pieces, asshole.
297
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,111
What's up, little man?
298
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:58,720
(OMINOUS COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING)
299
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,222
What'd you do that for?
300
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:01,649
You clean it.
301
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,015
You clean it.
302
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,226
- Fucking weirdo.
- BLITHE: Hey, Noah!
303
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:08,957
How's that perfume taste?
304
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,967
Rodrigo, what is your deal? Stop!
305
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,800
Can we go to a club tonight?
This place is so dead.
306
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,430
No.
307
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,669
Don't you just want to go dancing
or something?
308
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,410
Rodrigo, seriously,
what is your deal? Stop!
309
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:27,643
I'm trying to watch TV
with Jon-Benet Ramsey over here.
310
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,345
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
311
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,186
- That's uncomfortable.
- Do you want to hear some gossip?
312
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,921
- I got some hot gossip.
- I'm okay, actually.
313
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:41,931
I'm trying to watch this,
if you (SHUSHING) could be quiet.
314
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:43,364
Give it.
315
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:47,904
I'm watching this, so can you guys
just be quiet, please? Thank you.
316
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,768
(WHISPERING)
I know a secret nobody else knows.
317
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,875
(DOORBELL RINGING)
318
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:55,943
- Oh, what's up, twins?
-ls Slater home?
319
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:57,776
- Is he here?
- Yeah, oh, my God!
320
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,542
Slater!
321
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:02,312
You got the two redrum chicks
from The Shining here to see you!
322
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,490
- Slater's a cool guy.
- TWIN 2: We go to school together.
323
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,116
- Oh, my God!
- Take care.
324
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,819
TWIN 1: Hi, Slater!
325
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,827
Wendy Sapperstein is having
her Bat-Mitzvah tonight,
326
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,023
and she said it was okay
if some boys wanted to crash it.
327
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:18,533
- But we only want the super-cute boys.
- I don't know if I could make it tonight.
328
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:22,697
My parents aren't home, and I'm
not really supposed to go anywhere.
329
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,468
Well, if you want to come, you can text us.
330
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,668
- Yeah, text us, definitely.
- Okay.
331
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,837
- I'll see you later, guys.
- TWIN 1: Okay, cool!
332
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:30,980
(PHONE RINGING)
333
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,048
What's cooking, good-looking?
334
00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:34,811
You know what? I'm at a party.
335
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,682
Party? I thought you had food poisoning.
336
00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:39,255
I did, and then Steph called me,
and she invited me to this party.
337
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,584
- Do you want to came?
- Damn!
338
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,056
I'm doing something
for my mom right now.
339
00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,589
I really, really want to see you.
340
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,188
I'm actually, like, super-horn y for you,
341
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:51,825
and I was thinking we could have sex.
342
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:54,234
Like intercourse sex?
343
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:59,366
Yeah, like full-on vaginal sex.
344
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:00,943
(NOAH CLEARING THROAT)
345
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:03,707
Yeah, I think I can work something out.
Yeah. For sure.
346
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:04,803
A was om e
347
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:08,214
Listen, will you do me a favor
and pick up some coke on your way?
348
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:11,914
Yeah, sure. Do you want anything else,
like beer, mixers?
349
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,352
{LAUGHS} No, l mean, like,
350
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:14,890
(IN SING-SONG) coke!
351
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,186
NOAH: You mean blow?
352
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,229
I thought you were done with that stuff.
That stuff's bad news.
353
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,628
I am done with it. it's not for me.
It's for Steph,
354
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,722
and it's her birthday. She asked me for it.
355
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:25,358
I'm just trying to be
a really good friend about it.
356
00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:27,300
I don't even know
where I'd get something like that.
357
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,598
Just call Karl.
358
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:29,762
Who's Karl?
359
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:31,772
He's just a super-awesome guy
who sells me drugs.
360
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:34,776
Used to sell me drugs.
361
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,071
-(EXHALING)
- Noah...
362
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,241
I only have 150 bucks.
363
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:41,750
That's more than enough.
364
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,649
Just ask for one ticket, and he 'H hook it up
365
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:47,317
Leave me alone, asshole!
I'm on the phone with my boyfriend.
366
00:15:48,813 --> 00:15:50,451
Did you just call me your boyfriend?
367
00:15:50,581 --> 00:15:53,755
Yeah, I guess I did.
So are you coming or not?
368
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:58,500
Hello? Are you there?
369
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:01,797
Yeah. Fuck it. I'm in.
370
00:16:07,465 --> 00:16:08,910
NOAH: Holy shit balls.
371
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,411
A minivan
372
00:16:10,501 --> 00:16:12,447
That car's not hot at all.
373
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:15,312
NOAH: As much as I hate to do this,
we're going on a little field trip.
374
00:16:15,473 --> 00:16:17,646
(KIDS SHOUTING)
375
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,154
(KIDS CONTINUE SHOUTING)
376
00:16:26,817 --> 00:16:29,093
What is your deal?
Why are you wearing so much makeup?
377
00:16:29,186 --> 00:16:31,757
{SINGING} Looking real fly
on my way to the club
378
00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:34,496
Gonna dance all night
and get fucked up
379
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:37,333
Say whatever you want.
I know I look good.
380
00:16:37,428 --> 00:16:39,635
NOAH: All right, one of you guys
has to hop up here with me.
381
00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:40,765
I'm not your chauffeur.
382
00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:42,572
SLATER: What if you hit
somebody or something?
383
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,680
I mean, it's safer for children
to be in the back seat.
384
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:46,874
You are such a bitch. Grow a set of nuts.
385
00:16:46,971 --> 00:16:48,746
I beat him for you.
386
00:16:49,473 --> 00:16:50,474
- Get his ass.
- Guys.
387
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,918
Not again. Stop being such children.
388
00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:54,614
- Hit him in the face, dawg!
- Go away.
389
00:16:54,712 --> 00:16:56,419
- Stop it.
- One thing about Rodrigo.
390
00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:58,551
He's not a bitch, I'll tell you that much.
391
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,729
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
392
00:17:20,304 --> 00:17:23,012
(LAUGHING) Slater, seriously, tell me
you are not wearing a fanny pack.
393
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:25,814
Tell me I'm imagining that
and that's not what I'm actually seeing.
394
00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:28,253
I need it to carry my pills.
395
00:17:28,345 --> 00:17:29,915
Why do you take those pills anyway?
396
00:17:30,014 --> 00:17:33,120
- I already told you, I have issues.
- Issues?
397
00:17:33,217 --> 00:17:34,787
You look like a Gap model!
398
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,626
When I was your age,
I had a mouth full of braces
399
00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:38,667
and a face like a Papa John's pizza.
400
00:17:38,756 --> 00:17:40,064
Those are real issues, my man.
401
00:17:40,191 --> 00:17:41,363
Whatever.
402
00:17:41,459 --> 00:17:44,372
BLITHE: I've got a good idea.
Why don't we go to a dance club?
403
00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:45,497
Why don't we play a game?
404
00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:47,974
- Like Spin the Bottle?
- No, not like Spin the Bottle,
405
00:17:48,065 --> 00:17:50,671
like a little game I invented
called the Shut-the-Fuck-Up Game.
406
00:17:51,135 --> 00:17:54,173
First person not to shut the fuck up loses.
Ready? Go.
407
00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:58,078
(FARTING)
408
00:18:00,745 --> 00:18:02,747
(GROANS) Come on, Rodrigo,
you just lost, buddy.
409
00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:04,827
It was not me.
410
00:18:04,949 --> 00:18:05,984
(GIGGLING)
411
00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:07,084
Slater, that's disgusting.
412
00:18:07,184 --> 00:18:08,561
Didn't your parents teach you
not to fart in the car?
413
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:09,790
You just crop-dusted me.
414
00:18:09,887 --> 00:18:11,059
No, that was not me.
415
00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:13,435
- Uh-oh.
- What's "uh-oh"?
416
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:15,470
It was me. I pooted.
417
00:18:15,559 --> 00:18:18,165
I don't think it was just a poot-poot.
418
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:21,105
- I sharted.
-(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)
419
00:18:21,198 --> 00:18:22,506
NOAH: Come on!
420
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:33,115
(SINGING) When you're shopping
It's super-coal
421
00:18:33,210 --> 00:18:35,520
Hey, Noah.
Oh, my God, isn't this shirt so cute?
422
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:38,150
- Oh, it's super-cute!
- Can you get it for me?
423
00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:40,229
Yeah! Of course.
I'll get you anything you want.
424
00:18:40,317 --> 00:18:41,489
- Seriously?
- No.
425
00:18:41,585 --> 00:18:43,155
Here, put these on.
426
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:46,030
They're green.
I wouldn't be caught dead in these.
427
00:18:46,123 --> 00:18:47,363
Don't shit your pants next time.
428
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,665
Dressing room's over there.
Clean up, or whatever.
429
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,036
- Can I help you, sir?
- Huh?
430
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,666
- Can I help you?
- I'm just waiting for somebody.
431
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,177
-(LAUGHS) Yeah.
- Yup!
432
00:18:57,301 --> 00:19:00,339
(FAKE LAUGHING)
433
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,346
- No.
- I'm just waiting for somebody.
434
00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:05,181
That's pretty weird,
considering you're a grown-ass man
435
00:19:05,276 --> 00:19:07,381
hanging out
in the little girls' underwear section.
436
00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:08,957
Right. I could see how that could be
437
00:19:09,046 --> 00:19:10,525
misconstrued as strange, or whatever.
438
00:19:10,614 --> 00:19:11,922
- Very.
- BLITHE: They fit. Let's go.
439
00:19:12,016 --> 00:19:13,188
There we go. There she is.
440
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:15,696
Excuse me, young lady,
do you know this person?
441
00:19:15,786 --> 00:19:17,026
- No.
- Yeah.
442
00:19:17,121 --> 00:19:18,225
Which is it?
443
00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:21,030
He came into my house
and stole my mom's minivan.
444
00:19:21,125 --> 00:19:23,628
Now he's taking me and my brothers
to get some candy.
445
00:19:23,761 --> 00:19:27,231
Okay, that sounds way, way worse
than it actually is.
446
00:19:27,331 --> 00:19:28,935
Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
447
00:19:29,066 --> 00:19:31,546
What? No, I'm the babysitter.
448
00:19:31,635 --> 00:19:33,444
- What?
- He's not a real babysitter.
449
00:19:33,537 --> 00:19:36,848
He's a "do-whatever-I-say-
or-I'll-kill-you type of babysitter."
450
00:19:36,941 --> 00:19:38,079
What?
451
00:19:38,175 --> 00:19:39,245
- That sounds way...
- That's what he said!
452
00:19:39,343 --> 00:19:40,788
Blithe, shut the fuck up.
453
00:19:40,911 --> 00:19:42,549
Do not tell her to shut up!
454
00:19:42,646 --> 00:19:43,920
Thank you.
455
00:19:44,014 --> 00:19:46,756
Ooh, shit! I remember you!
I went to high school with your ass!
456
00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:48,592
You came to my house party one time,
457
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:52,256
got all wasted, and then
you puked in my grandmama's urn.
458
00:19:52,356 --> 00:19:53,960
And when I asked you about it, you lied
459
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:55,662
and ran away like a little biotch!
460
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,067
I didn't run away like a little biotch!
461
00:19:57,194 --> 00:19:58,502
I probably just ran like a normal person.
462
00:19:58,629 --> 00:20:02,736
And now you're hanging out
in the little girls' clothes section.
463
00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:05,643
Can you please lower your voice?
There are numerous misunderstandings.
464
00:20:05,736 --> 00:20:08,080
No, no, no. I'm not buying none of this.
Come on, little girl.
465
00:20:08,205 --> 00:20:10,082
- Let me go!
- I'm not buying it!
466
00:20:10,174 --> 00:20:11,847
(CLAMORING)
467
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,651
You got some shit to deal with!
468
00:20:18,749 --> 00:20:19,883
Security!
469
00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:21,522
Security!
470
00:20:25,590 --> 00:20:26,330
Why did you say that, Blithe?
471
00:20:26,457 --> 00:20:27,492
You were trying
to make me buy green underwear.
472
00:20:27,592 --> 00:20:28,832
Green underwear is not hot!
473
00:20:28,926 --> 00:20:30,132
You're the worst babysitter ever!
474
00:20:30,227 --> 00:20:32,036
(MIMICKING BLITHE)
"You're the worst babysitter ever! "
475
00:20:32,129 --> 00:20:33,574
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
476
00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:35,232
You guys?
477
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:36,972
Where's Rodrigo?
478
00:20:38,436 --> 00:20:40,074
I don't know. I guess he left.
479
00:20:40,304 --> 00:20:42,284
(TIRES SQUEALING)
480
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:47,021
That's an incredible observation, Slater.
Where did he go?
481
00:20:47,111 --> 00:20:49,091
I don't know.
I was talking to my friend Clayton.
482
00:20:49,213 --> 00:20:51,523
- Which way did he go?
- I don't know!
483
00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:54,154
(GPS TRACKER BEEPING)
484
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:57,395
Got you, you little bastard.
485
00:21:01,459 --> 00:21:03,700
- Hey, what's up?
- May I help you, sir?
486
00:21:03,794 --> 00:21:04,966
Yeah.
487
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:07,702
I'm looking for a small Hispanic boy.
488
00:21:07,798 --> 00:21:11,075
About 4'8", leather jacket, pajamas,
cowboy boots.
489
00:21:11,168 --> 00:21:12,704
- Have you seen him?
- No.
490
00:21:12,803 --> 00:21:14,282
I've not seen a 4'8" Hispanic boy
491
00:21:14,405 --> 00:21:16,715
in a leather jacket, pajamas,
and cowboy boots.
492
00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:17,842
Probably would have remembered that.
493
00:21:17,942 --> 00:21:21,549
Something tells me you have before,
you fucking asshole.
494
00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:27,995
{SINGING} Don '1' say no because {insist
495
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:34,536
Somewhere, somehow
someone's got to be kissed
496
00:21:35,126 --> 00:21:36,901
(TOILET FLUSHING)
497
00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:40,871
There you are! What are you doing in here?
498
00:21:40,965 --> 00:21:42,501
- I dropped a bomb.
-(OMINOUS COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING)
499
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,840
That's very cute.
500
00:21:43,968 --> 00:21:45,572
Come on, wash your hands.
501
00:21:48,639 --> 00:21:50,243
(LAUGHING)
502
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:52,376
What's so funny?
503
00:21:55,846 --> 00:21:56,847
Oh, shit!
504
00:21:56,981 --> 00:21:58,824
Oh, shit, what are you doing?
505
00:21:58,949 --> 00:21:59,927
(NOAH STAMMERING)
506
00:22:00,084 --> 00:22:01,427
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
507
00:22:03,287 --> 00:22:04,595
MAN: What is going on back there?
508
00:22:04,689 --> 00:22:07,260
It's all good! Just continue
eating your meals. I know him.
509
00:22:07,358 --> 00:22:08,530
He's a friend of mine.
510
00:22:09,226 --> 00:22:10,705
That looks good. What is that?
511
00:22:11,162 --> 00:22:12,937
You run away again,
and I'll break your legs!
512
00:22:13,030 --> 00:22:14,134
Then I bite your ear!
513
00:22:14,231 --> 00:22:16,211
- What? I bite your what?
- I eat your ear.
514
00:22:16,333 --> 00:22:18,779
I bite it off with my teeth,
then you don't hear nothing.
515
00:22:18,869 --> 00:22:20,348
That's very specific.
516
00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:28,716
(SIGHING) All right. I've got to pick up
some candy for my girlfriend.
517
00:22:28,813 --> 00:22:31,589
So you guys wait here and watch
little bin Laden back there, okay?
518
00:22:31,682 --> 00:22:33,889
This isn't about getting candy, is it?
519
00:22:33,984 --> 00:22:35,793
Lock the doors,
keep your head between your legs.
520
00:22:35,886 --> 00:22:38,833
Don't move or talk to anybody
or look at anybody.
521
00:22:38,923 --> 00:22:40,129
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
522
00:22:40,224 --> 00:22:42,500
(SOFTLY) Don't you fuck with me, Rodrigo.
523
00:22:46,030 --> 00:22:48,806
WOMAN: Hey, mister! Hey, over here!
524
00:22:48,899 --> 00:22:51,971
I do top shit or bottom, whatever you want.
525
00:22:56,340 --> 00:22:58,479
- Noah Griffith?
- Yeah.
526
00:22:58,576 --> 00:22:59,850
Are you Karl?
527
00:22:59,944 --> 00:23:01,150
{GARY GIGGLES AND SNORTS}
528
00:23:01,245 --> 00:23:04,021
No, I fucking wish, papi.
529
00:23:04,115 --> 00:23:07,187
If you want to see Karl,
I'm gonna have to, like,
530
00:23:07,918 --> 00:23:09,864
strip-search you.
531
00:23:11,522 --> 00:23:14,731
Okay, we're good. I believed you.
532
00:23:15,860 --> 00:23:17,771
Follow me!
533
00:23:17,895 --> 00:23:19,374
What the fuck?
534
00:23:19,497 --> 00:23:22,706
(ESCAPE (THE PINIA COLADA SONG)
PLAYING)
535
00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:25,881
GARY: This way
536
00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:27,176
Hey, Eduardo!
537
00:23:27,271 --> 00:23:28,409
(GRUNTS)
538
00:23:28,539 --> 00:23:30,519
He's really cranky.
539
00:23:39,717 --> 00:23:41,287
(INDISTINCT TALKING ON TV)
540
00:23:52,830 --> 00:23:55,208
That's Russ. He's got an attitude.
541
00:23:59,103 --> 00:24:00,639
You're such a slowpoke.
542
00:24:07,845 --> 00:24:09,119
Come on.
543
00:24:15,019 --> 00:24:16,828
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
544
00:24:34,071 --> 00:24:37,382
it's okay. Do it again. Do it again.
545
00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:40,347
One more time.
546
00:24:41,012 --> 00:24:43,117
That's good. I like that.
547
00:24:50,788 --> 00:24:53,098
- Hey, Karl!
- Oh, my God! You scared me!
548
00:24:53,190 --> 00:24:55,534
You scared me, sneaking up on me
like a little squirrel!
549
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:58,607
GARY: You have a visitor.
KARL: Dude, the roller skates
550
00:24:58,696 --> 00:25:01,006
You're going to get track marks
all over my mahogany floors.
551
00:25:01,098 --> 00:25:02,099
Are you serious?
552
00:25:02,199 --> 00:25:04,509
Go get me a smoothie. Get out of my face.
553
00:25:04,602 --> 00:25:06,582
GARY: You're no fun
KARL: You're no fun
554
00:25:06,704 --> 00:25:09,310
Oh, my God. Hi. Hi.
555
00:25:09,407 --> 00:25:12,786
You must be Noah Griffith.
I've been waiting for you all night.
556
00:25:12,877 --> 00:25:14,788
- What's up?
- I'm Karl with a
557
00:25:14,879 --> 00:25:15,949
Sorry about the banging.
558
00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:17,651
We're doing some slight renovations,
as you can see.
559
00:25:17,748 --> 00:25:19,022
We're knocking down some walls
560
00:25:19,116 --> 00:25:20,356
so we can get
a little more square footage in here.
561
00:25:20,451 --> 00:25:21,930
A little more elbow room.
562
00:25:22,019 --> 00:25:24,590
- That's awesome.
- What's awesome about it?
563
00:25:25,089 --> 00:25:26,090
Huh?
564
00:25:26,190 --> 00:25:27,726
Why is that awesome?
565
00:25:29,226 --> 00:25:33,538
More room for bodybuilders
and experiments and stuff.
566
00:25:33,631 --> 00:25:35,577
(LAUGHS)
567
00:25:36,133 --> 00:25:38,204
That's funny! You're funny, Noah Griffith.
568
00:25:38,302 --> 00:25:39,713
You're really funny.
569
00:25:39,804 --> 00:25:43,115
Thank you. You're very cool as well. So...
570
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,186
You sure we haven't met?
571
00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:48,554
Déja vu.
572
00:25:48,646 --> 00:25:50,887
Hey, check this out.
573
00:25:50,981 --> 00:25:52,517
This is an art project.
574
00:25:52,616 --> 00:25:55,927
It's made from the shell
of an ancient baby dinosaur egg
575
00:25:56,053 --> 00:25:58,659
We like to package our product artistically.
576
00:25:58,756 --> 00:26:01,532
And prehistorically. Bump?
577
00:26:02,593 --> 00:26:04,231
- I'm fine, thanks.
-(KARL SNORTING)
578
00:26:05,029 --> 00:26:06,337
(LAUGHING)
579
00:26:06,430 --> 00:26:10,037
I like you, Noah Griffith! You're so shy.
580
00:26:10,134 --> 00:26:12,705
You're so gorgeous and shy.
You remind me of my Aunt Shirley.
581
00:26:12,803 --> 00:26:14,874
She was Asian. Are you biracial?
582
00:26:15,439 --> 00:26:17,544
Karl! I got shot!
583
00:26:17,675 --> 00:26:19,951
- Oh, my God.
- I got shot, Karl.
584
00:26:20,044 --> 00:26:21,079
Oh, my God.
585
00:26:21,178 --> 00:26:23,055
Don't let me die on this floor, Karl.
586
00:26:23,147 --> 00:26:24,455
Who shot at you?
587
00:26:24,548 --> 00:26:27,927
Angelo on 14th Street
shot me in my tummy, Karl.
588
00:26:28,018 --> 00:26:29,463
He shot me in my tummy.
589
00:26:29,553 --> 00:26:30,827
KARL: Oh, my God.
590
00:26:30,921 --> 00:26:33,925
Please, someone, please!
Somebody get me a doctor!
591
00:26:34,325 --> 00:26:36,931
Please, someone... Do you know CPR?
592
00:26:37,027 --> 00:26:38,028
What? I don't know.
593
00:26:38,129 --> 00:26:39,506
Do you know CPR?
594
00:26:39,597 --> 00:26:42,373
I don't even think mouth-to-mouth
will help this particular situation.
595
00:26:42,466 --> 00:26:43,774
Why doesn't Garv do it?
596
00:26:43,934 --> 00:26:45,277
(WHINING)
597
00:26:46,103 --> 00:26:47,741
Karl, don't let me die!
598
00:26:47,838 --> 00:26:48,908
I have kids, man.
599
00:26:49,006 --> 00:26:51,612
My God. Jesus Christ.
600
00:26:51,709 --> 00:26:53,780
Fucking hell!
601
00:26:53,911 --> 00:26:55,515
Somebody help me.
602
00:26:57,114 --> 00:26:59,287
- Fine! What?
- Help me, please.
603
00:26:59,383 --> 00:27:00,589
He's going into shock.
604
00:27:00,684 --> 00:27:02,061
- Please, help me.
- Oh, God.
605
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:03,931
KARL: Now, please, hurry up.
606
00:27:04,989 --> 00:27:06,093
What's up, fool?
607
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:07,792
KARL: Got you!
608
00:27:07,892 --> 00:27:09,235
NOAH: What's happening right now?
609
00:27:09,326 --> 00:27:11,533
I don't understand. Are you okay?
What, is this a joke?
610
00:27:12,663 --> 00:27:14,472
I got him! I got him!
611
00:27:14,565 --> 00:27:17,307
I could smell your breath that time.
You were so close.
612
00:27:17,401 --> 00:27:20,007
- What's happening?
- You're so adorable.
613
00:27:20,104 --> 00:27:21,640
You just fell for a little prank.
614
00:27:21,739 --> 00:27:23,980
- Prank?
- Around here, we pull pranks and shit
615
00:27:24,074 --> 00:27:26,054
to make sure people aren't undercover pigs
616
00:27:26,143 --> 00:27:27,417
'cause we kill pigs around here.
617
00:27:27,511 --> 00:27:29,354
This is Julio, my business partner.
618
00:27:30,481 --> 00:27:31,585
This is Kool-Aid, man.
619
00:27:32,049 --> 00:27:34,029
KARL: Come on over here.
Let's get down to business.
620
00:27:34,185 --> 00:27:35,823
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
621
00:27:36,253 --> 00:27:39,291
SLATER: Right there, there are prostitutes
and there are people with guns.
622
00:27:39,390 --> 00:27:41,392
And I don't want to get shot tonight.
623
00:27:41,525 --> 00:27:43,300
{SINGING}
She ain't nothin' but a hoochie mama
624
00:27:43,394 --> 00:27:44,839
Hoadrat, hoadrat hoachie mama
625
00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:48,638
Oh, I love those big brown eyes
And the way you shake your thighs
626
00:27:48,732 --> 00:27:52,305
Acting like you're so damn cute
Just let your boy j'ust slide them boots
627
00:27:53,437 --> 00:27:55,041
KARL: You got my money?
NOAH: Yeah.
628
00:27:55,172 --> 00:27:56,776
JULIO: Yeah!
KARL: Put out your hand.
629
00:27:57,475 --> 00:27:58,510
Here's one ticket.
630
00:27:58,609 --> 00:28:00,680
Trick or treat, smell my feet.
631
00:28:00,778 --> 00:28:03,622
- How do you know Marisa?
- You know Marisa?
632
00:28:04,348 --> 00:28:06,294
She is my girlfriend, actually.
633
00:28:08,118 --> 00:28:09,893
(LAUGHING)
634
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:11,565
Come on, man, stop it!
635
00:28:12,423 --> 00:28:14,300
Karl.
636
00:28:14,425 --> 00:28:16,234
There's some kid here.
637
00:28:16,327 --> 00:28:18,398
KARL: You didn't call the fuzz,
did you, Noah?
638
00:28:18,496 --> 00:28:19,975
No. Rodrigo.
639
00:28:20,764 --> 00:28:23,745
What are you doing? Go back to the car.
How'd you even get in here?
640
00:28:23,834 --> 00:28:25,370
I pee-pee now.
641
00:28:26,303 --> 00:28:28,874
- He's with you?
- Yeah, I'm babysitting.
642
00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:30,008
Babysitting?
643
00:28:30,107 --> 00:28:33,350
You need to go back to the car,
because you already went pee-pee. Okay?
644
00:28:33,444 --> 00:28:35,253
- I pee-pee.
- Pee your pants.
645
00:28:35,346 --> 00:28:37,189
What's your problem, man?
Let him take a piss!
646
00:28:37,281 --> 00:28:38,817
Trying to make a little kid
hold in his pee-pee!
647
00:28:38,916 --> 00:28:40,623
That's right. Oye, Fonzie.
648
00:28:40,718 --> 00:28:42,493
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
649
00:28:43,287 --> 00:28:45,733
- You go pee-pee.
- KARL: Don't make a mess!
650
00:28:45,823 --> 00:28:47,097
Come in for a bear hug.
651
00:28:48,592 --> 00:28:50,128
Get outta here. Put that handshake away.
652
00:28:50,227 --> 00:28:52,104
Better hug this motherfucker
if you know what's good for you.
653
00:28:52,196 --> 00:28:53,573
Hug him tight!
654
00:28:55,332 --> 00:28:56,936
Swordfight up in this motherfucker!
Pull it together!
655
00:28:57,034 --> 00:28:58,035
(GROANS)
656
00:28:58,135 --> 00:28:59,910
- KARL: Have a great night.
-(GRUNTS)
657
00:29:00,638 --> 00:29:03,642
Okay, I know we had a few setbacks,
but we're almost done.
658
00:29:03,741 --> 00:29:05,778
I just gotta drop off this package
to my girlfriend,
659
00:29:05,876 --> 00:29:07,446
say a quick hi-ho to her,
660
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,354
then I'm going to turn us around
and take us home.
661
00:29:09,647 --> 00:29:10,853
I know I can be a bit of a prick sometimes,
662
00:29:10,948 --> 00:29:12,757
so I want to thank you guys
for being patient.
663
00:29:12,850 --> 00:29:15,592
BLITHE: Okay, so we're gonna go
to my favorite club in New York City,
664
00:29:15,686 --> 00:29:16,756
and you're gonna come...
665
00:29:16,854 --> 00:29:18,856
- Hey, buddy, what you got there?
- RODRIGO: I no know.
666
00:29:18,989 --> 00:29:20,195
I find it in bathroom.
667
00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:22,970
Shit!
668
00:29:25,563 --> 00:29:28,373
Rodrigo, give that to me right now.
669
00:29:28,499 --> 00:29:30,137
I'm serious, man. Give it to me right now.
670
00:29:30,234 --> 00:29:31,611
No way. Finder keepers.
671
00:29:31,702 --> 00:29:35,115
- Put it in my hand right now!
- No.
672
00:29:35,205 --> 00:29:36,445
- Rodrigo.
- No.
673
00:29:36,540 --> 00:29:38,349
Just... Just let go!
674
00:29:38,475 --> 00:29:41,684
- It's mine.
- Let it go! Just give it to me!
675
00:29:41,812 --> 00:29:44,315
BLITHE: You're both such booger faces.
Stop fighting!
676
00:29:45,149 --> 00:29:46,492
- Let go!
- Okay.
677
00:29:48,819 --> 00:29:50,162
it's snowing!
678
00:29:54,024 --> 00:29:56,630
What the fuck?
679
00:29:56,727 --> 00:29:58,138
(PHONE RINGING)
680
00:30:10,007 --> 00:30:11,418
- Hello?
- KAR L: Noah Griffith!
681
00:30:11,542 --> 00:30:12,987
Hey!
682
00:30:13,077 --> 00:30:15,557
Hey, Karl, what's up?
How did you get this number?
683
00:30:15,646 --> 00:30:17,353
I got it off your Facebook page,
684
00:30:17,448 --> 00:30:20,054
as I was trying to friend you
as you were walking out.
685
00:30:20,150 --> 00:30:23,324
Anyway, as I was friending you,
Julio noticed that
686
00:30:23,454 --> 00:30:25,798
maybe you stole
a baby dinosaur egg from me.
687
00:30:25,923 --> 00:30:28,028
And it's just, like, I'm confused.
688
00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:31,072
You know what I mean?
Because I'm thinking that we're friends,
689
00:30:31,161 --> 00:30:34,768
and then all of a sudden,
I don't know, it's like...
690
00:30:35,532 --> 00:30:37,671
I really liked you, you know?
691
00:30:37,768 --> 00:30:41,341
Karl, just relax, please.
I'm sorry, I don't have your drugs.
692
00:30:41,438 --> 00:30:43,418
The kid I'm babysitting,
he took one of your eggs,
693
00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:46,020
and! was trying to get it back
and it accidentally splashed in my face.
694
00:30:46,110 --> 00:30:47,919
Fucking shut the fuck up.
695
00:30:48,045 --> 00:30:49,388
Unless I get my drugs back
696
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:53,053
or my money back, I'm going to kill you!
697
00:30:53,150 --> 00:30:54,788
I'll fucking kill you!
698
00:30:54,918 --> 00:30:56,761
I want you to meet me
at Wing '5 Fish Market.
699
00:30:56,854 --> 00:30:57,855
Where?
700
00:30:57,955 --> 00:31:00,265
Wing's Fish Market. it's in Chinese Town.
701
00:31:00,557 --> 00:31:04,471
You meet me there in one hour
with my 10 grand, or you're dead meat.
702
00:31:04,561 --> 00:31:06,632
Okay. Thanks, bye.
703
00:31:07,798 --> 00:31:09,243
I have to go pee-pee now.
704
00:31:10,534 --> 00:31:12,946
You're holding it in this time, asshole.
705
00:31:23,380 --> 00:31:25,121
It'll be all right.
706
00:31:25,215 --> 00:31:27,286
I thought he was my friend.
707
00:31:32,656 --> 00:31:34,192
It's all right.
708
00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:40,701
BLITHE: Shut up!
SLATER: I wanna go home.
709
00:31:40,798 --> 00:31:42,835
-(SPEAKS SPANISH)
- I don't know what you're saying.
710
00:31:42,933 --> 00:31:44,344
- Don't. Stop it!
- Stop! No!
711
00:31:44,435 --> 00:31:48,850
- No, my lip gloss! Give it back!
- Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
712
00:31:48,939 --> 00:31:50,179
What are you getting mad at us for?
713
00:31:50,274 --> 00:31:53,551
Because Rodrigo here is a thief,
and now I'm in deep shit.
714
00:31:53,644 --> 00:31:57,251
And the worst part of all of this
is that I'm stuck here with you three.
715
00:31:57,347 --> 00:32:00,123
You, you got more issues
than a magazine stand.
716
00:32:00,217 --> 00:32:04,359
And, you, wipe the makeup off your face,
Picasso. What are you, a mob wife?
717
00:32:04,455 --> 00:32:06,628
And, you, you're the worst.
718
00:32:06,724 --> 00:32:10,137
I know you're a little kid, and I know I'm not
supposed to say this kind of stuff to you,
719
00:32:10,627 --> 00:32:12,436
but fuck you.
720
00:32:12,563 --> 00:32:14,270
Fuck you so much.
721
00:32:14,364 --> 00:32:15,536
You're a douche.
722
00:32:15,632 --> 00:32:19,239
Look, Noah, if you hate us that much,
then just drop us off with our parents.
723
00:32:19,336 --> 00:32:22,943
You know what? That's an amazing idea.
Let's go.
724
00:32:35,252 --> 00:32:38,062
I've seen the way you look at me
725
00:32:39,289 --> 00:32:43,203
I know the things you say
when I'm not there
726
00:32:45,796 --> 00:32:48,902
But when you're here alone with me
727
00:32:50,367 --> 00:32:53,507
Baby, don't pretend that you don't care
728
00:32:53,604 --> 00:32:58,246
Come on, let the feeling begin
729
00:32:58,342 --> 00:33:01,880
Come on, baby
Come on, yeah
730
00:33:04,248 --> 00:33:08,219
Dan 't stop when the feeling begins
731
00:33:10,020 --> 00:33:14,127
Come on. I've changed my mind.
I need to clean up my mess myself.
732
00:33:15,659 --> 00:33:19,300
All right, ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas.
733
00:33:21,298 --> 00:33:22,402
Okay. Slater, can you get off the phone?
734
00:33:22,499 --> 00:33:24,308
I need an idea. You can text
your buddy Clayton later, okay?
735
00:33:24,401 --> 00:33:25,880
BLITHE: Yeah, man, seriously!
736
00:33:25,969 --> 00:33:27,971
SLATER: it's not Clayton. it's those twins,
737
00:33:28,071 --> 00:33:31,575
and they want me to go to Prospect Hall
for Wendy Sapperstein's Bat Mitzvah.
738
00:33:31,675 --> 00:33:34,155
That's, like, a pretty swanky joint, right?
739
00:33:34,278 --> 00:33:38,693
Yeah, the Sappersteins are totally
loaded and she's, like, crazy spoiled.
740
00:33:38,816 --> 00:33:39,817
Spoiled.
741
00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:43,131
So lots of gifts, lots of cash.
742
00:33:44,221 --> 00:33:47,225
Slater, you're a genius.
You're a genius, dude!
743
00:33:50,861 --> 00:33:53,171
All right, let's go, let's go, let's go!
744
00:33:53,297 --> 00:33:55,538
Let's go, let's go, let's go! Hustle!
745
00:33:56,667 --> 00:33:59,204
All right, come on, kids. Come on.
746
00:33:59,837 --> 00:34:01,145
All right, thank you.
747
00:34:01,238 --> 00:34:04,378
BLITHE: This place looks like a party.
NOAH: Keep walking, keep walking.
748
00:34:05,576 --> 00:34:07,715
WENDY: Maybe you should
just invite anyone you know,
749
00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:09,950
anyone who's ugly,
because they seem to all be here!
750
00:34:10,647 --> 00:34:13,218
MRS. SAPPERSTEIN: That's very nice.
Is that what the rabbis taught you?
751
00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:16,058
Mom! This is my night. it's my celebration,
752
00:34:16,186 --> 00:34:18,666
and I did not invite these nerds
to my Bat Mitzvah!
753
00:34:18,755 --> 00:34:22,066
What more can I do for you?
Rent the Taj Ma-fucking-hal for you?
754
00:34:22,159 --> 00:34:25,936
There's so much blue cheese here,
it smells like barf, Mom!
755
00:34:26,029 --> 00:34:29,010
Damn, Wendy Sapperstein's a big ol' bitch!
756
00:34:29,099 --> 00:34:30,373
Yeah, she scares me.
757
00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:32,377
All right, guys,
we're gonna stay under the radar.
758
00:34:32,469 --> 00:34:33,914
Okay? Keep it low profile.
759
00:34:35,272 --> 00:34:38,151
Did you hear what I just said?
I said low profile! All right?
760
00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:42,216
Stop puncturing balloons!
Do you understand me? (SHUSHING)
761
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,686
Noah, Noah.
Does this place have bottle service?
762
00:34:45,782 --> 00:34:47,159
I want a Red Bull and vodka.
763
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:49,731
No, you don't. You don't even know
what that is. it's bad for you.
764
00:34:49,820 --> 00:34:53,495
- Slater! You showed up!
- We've been looking all over for you!
765
00:34:53,590 --> 00:34:55,968
- Oh. Hey.
- TWIN 1: We've been dancing all night.
766
00:34:56,059 --> 00:34:57,595
TWIN 2: Yeah, this Bat Mitzvah is the best!
767
00:34:57,728 --> 00:35:00,208
It's like Jew city out there,
and we're the fucking mayors.
768
00:35:00,297 --> 00:35:01,332
TWIN 2: You ready to go dance?
769
00:35:01,431 --> 00:35:04,742
He's ready to go dance.
This guy was born to dance.
770
00:35:04,835 --> 00:35:06,041
- You want to come?
- Come on. Let's go.
771
00:35:06,136 --> 00:35:07,114
You big stud.
772
00:35:07,204 --> 00:35:11,346
Time to go make a Slater sandwich!
Some of that gingerbread, my man.
773
00:35:12,809 --> 00:35:15,653
No bathrooms, you understand me,
Rodrigo? No bano.
774
00:35:15,746 --> 00:35:17,157
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
775
00:35:17,915 --> 00:35:19,758
- You're a pendejo.
- You're a puto.
776
00:35:19,850 --> 00:35:21,261
You're a puta, bitch.
777
00:35:21,351 --> 00:35:22,659
I'm gonna fuck you up, dawg!
778
00:35:41,805 --> 00:35:44,445
- Noah Griffith?
- Uh, hey.
779
00:35:44,541 --> 00:35:45,645
That's you, right?
780
00:35:45,742 --> 00:35:48,450
- Yeah. What's up? How's it going?
-It's Roxanne.
781
00:35:48,545 --> 00:35:50,889
I lived in the dorms down the hall
from you, freshman year.
782
00:35:50,981 --> 00:35:52,688
That's right. We were in Astronomy, right?
783
00:35:52,783 --> 00:35:54,228
Yeah, I sat behind you in Astronomy.
784
00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:56,525
We were, like, the only two students
who seemed to give a shit.
785
00:35:56,653 --> 00:35:57,757
(CHUCKLES) That's right. Yeah.
786
00:35:57,854 --> 00:36:00,767
You made that scale model of Saturn
with a cantaloupe, right?
787
00:36:00,857 --> 00:36:02,598
- Oh, shit, yeah.
- That was you.
788
00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:04,331
- That thing was fresh. That was cool.
- Yeah, that was me.
789
00:36:04,461 --> 00:36:06,702
Did you know about
the geomagnetic storm tonight?
790
00:36:06,830 --> 00:36:09,868
I did. I'm gonna check it out. Are you?
I'm actually kind of excited for it.
791
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,138
Yeah. For sure.
792
00:36:11,234 --> 00:36:13,043
- Yeah, it's gonna be cool.
- Yeah, it's gonna be pretty cool.
793
00:36:13,170 --> 00:36:16,014
BANDLEADER: Stay on that dance floor!
It's time for the hora!
794
00:36:16,139 --> 00:36:17,550
-(GUESTS CHEERING)
- Wow!
795
00:36:17,674 --> 00:36:20,211
Hava Nagila, yeah.
You gonna go on the chair?
796
00:36:20,344 --> 00:36:21,823
- I don't think so.
- Yeah?
797
00:36:21,912 --> 00:36:23,323
No. No chair for me.
798
00:36:23,413 --> 00:36:26,019
I can't believe you're here.
Like, I haven't seen you in forever.
799
00:36:26,149 --> 00:36:28,823
Yeah, I'm actually not in school this year.
800
00:36:28,919 --> 00:36:30,057
That sucks.
801
00:36:30,187 --> 00:36:33,498
But I'm working right now, obviously.
802
00:36:33,590 --> 00:36:36,730
But once I get off work, I'm going to
a pool hall with some of my co-workers.
803
00:36:36,860 --> 00:36:38,464
- Would you want to come?
- Oh, cool.
804
00:36:38,562 --> 00:36:43,841
That would be great, but I'm actually
in the middle of a situation currently.
805
00:36:43,934 --> 00:36:45,675
Oh, yeah. No worries. I just thought I'd ask.
806
00:36:45,769 --> 00:36:47,339
No. Thank you. Any other time.
807
00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:48,716
Oh, my God.
808
00:36:52,842 --> 00:36:54,253
Oh, shit.
809
00:36:54,377 --> 00:36:57,153
- It was great running into you again.
-(LAUGHING) Oh, my God!
810
00:36:58,448 --> 00:37:00,086
Put your fucking dick away!
811
00:37:00,216 --> 00:37:02,059
You're getting piss all over me!
812
00:37:02,185 --> 00:37:04,426
You're getting piss all over my feet!
813
00:37:04,554 --> 00:37:06,056
Watch out. Come on.
814
00:37:06,189 --> 00:37:08,533
BLITHE: Happy birthday, Wendy!
NOAH: Mazel tov, Wendy.
815
00:37:08,625 --> 00:37:10,070
-(BLITHE YELLING)
- What were you doing?
816
00:37:10,193 --> 00:37:12,867
You do not take a piss
in the middle of a party, okay?
817
00:37:13,930 --> 00:37:15,432
You don't piss in the middle
of a Bat Mitzvah, you idiot!
818
00:37:15,532 --> 00:37:16,875
Clayton?
819
00:37:16,967 --> 00:37:18,412
(SOFTLY) Oh, shit.
820
00:37:18,535 --> 00:37:21,243
What are you doing here?
What about your tarantula?
821
00:37:21,371 --> 00:37:24,215
- Oh, I got over that, man.
-It's just a spider, bro.
822
00:37:24,307 --> 00:37:26,719
Since when do you hang out
with Benji Gillespie?
823
00:37:26,810 --> 00:37:28,847
Look, I can hang out
with as many other people as I want.
824
00:37:28,945 --> 00:37:30,356
I don't think you understand that.
825
00:37:30,447 --> 00:37:32,256
I'm getting kind of sick
of going to your house all the time
826
00:37:32,382 --> 00:37:33,793
and watching tennis.
827
00:37:33,917 --> 00:37:35,191
We do other shit.
828
00:37:35,285 --> 00:37:37,788
No, we don't! You don't do anything!
829
00:37:37,921 --> 00:37:40,060
I can't just always hang around you.
830
00:37:40,156 --> 00:37:42,932
I don't get why you're being mean to me.
831
00:37:43,059 --> 00:37:44,697
He doesn't want to hang out
with you any more, bro.
832
00:37:44,794 --> 00:37:46,068
How hard is it to understand that?
833
00:37:46,162 --> 00:37:49,974
Just stop calling and texting him
all the time. it's weird.
834
00:37:52,502 --> 00:37:53,913
Is that true?
835
00:37:54,604 --> 00:37:56,083
See you around.
836
00:37:57,607 --> 00:37:58,881
Yo.
837
00:37:59,976 --> 00:38:01,011
Hey, man. You all right?
838
00:38:01,111 --> 00:38:02,385
- Those guys fucking with you?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
839
00:38:02,479 --> 00:38:04,686
- You okay?
- Yeah, just leave me alone!
840
00:38:07,117 --> 00:38:10,189
Hi. I'm so sorry to have to say this to you.
841
00:38:10,286 --> 00:38:12,698
It's just that I can't seem to find your car.
842
00:38:14,789 --> 00:38:16,700
What do you mean, you can't find my car?
843
00:38:16,992 --> 00:38:19,905
Well, I think we lost it.
844
00:38:19,995 --> 00:38:22,601
You didn't lose your Morrissey box set.
Where's my fucking car, dude?
845
00:38:22,697 --> 00:38:23,767
(SOBS)
846
00:38:23,865 --> 00:38:25,708
Did you lose it
or you taking a shit right now?
847
00:38:26,034 --> 00:38:27,035
A little of both.
848
00:38:27,135 --> 00:38:28,443
There's no "a little bit" of taking a shit.
849
00:38:28,536 --> 00:38:29,947
You're either shitting your pants
or you're not.
850
00:38:31,806 --> 00:38:34,582
Stop crying, all right?
It's not going to solve anything.
851
00:38:34,676 --> 00:38:36,349
Let's go find this shit. All right?
852
00:38:38,079 --> 00:38:39,080
Hey, look! There it is!
853
00:38:39,214 --> 00:38:41,660
Oh, thank God we found it.
854
00:38:41,750 --> 00:38:44,731
That's not finding it, you idiot.
Someone stole it.
855
00:38:45,186 --> 00:38:46,563
Oh, poo.
856
00:38:54,662 --> 00:38:56,073
Three thousand bucks.
857
00:38:56,164 --> 00:38:57,643
Is that good?
858
00:38:58,466 --> 00:39:02,471
No. it's not. We need 7,000 more.
And it's almost 11:00.
859
00:39:02,604 --> 00:39:05,949
Hey, Noah, I have an idea. How about
you start your own signature fragrance?
860
00:39:06,041 --> 00:39:07,247
That's a great idea!
861
00:39:07,342 --> 00:39:10,084
I'll just alert my team of scientists,
have them invent a new perfume.
862
00:39:10,178 --> 00:39:13,352
We'll start selling it and we'll have
seven grand in the next 45 minutes!
863
00:39:13,448 --> 00:39:16,657
- You're such a jerk.
- God damn it, my fucking shin.
864
00:39:16,751 --> 00:39:18,128
I'm just trying to help.
865
00:39:18,219 --> 00:39:20,392
All I know is,
is I'm going to be a famous celebrity
866
00:39:20,488 --> 00:39:22,627
who designs on the side,
and I'm going to be rich.
867
00:39:22,757 --> 00:39:24,134
What the hell are you talking about?
868
00:39:24,225 --> 00:39:25,863
You do know that just being a celebrity and
869
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,133
having a good time is not a real job, right?
870
00:39:28,229 --> 00:39:31,438
Yeah, it is! Being a famous celebrity
is the greatest thing in the world!
871
00:39:31,533 --> 00:39:33,012
It means people take your picture.
872
00:39:33,134 --> 00:39:36,206
You get to have birthday parties at
the coolest clubs and dance on tables.
873
00:39:36,304 --> 00:39:38,750
Even for a small child,
you sound like an idiot.
874
00:39:40,542 --> 00:39:41,213
(NOAH SIGHS)
875
00:39:41,309 --> 00:39:42,913
What are you walking away for?
876
00:39:43,011 --> 00:39:44,820
What's your problem, drama queen?
877
00:39:44,946 --> 00:39:47,586
My problem is that my best friend Clayton
878
00:39:47,682 --> 00:39:49,286
doesn't want to hang out with me any more
879
00:39:49,384 --> 00:39:50,954
because he doesn't like me back,
880
00:39:51,052 --> 00:39:54,932
and he'd rather hang out
with an asshole named Benji Gillespie.
881
00:39:55,023 --> 00:39:56,502
That is my problem!
882
00:39:56,624 --> 00:39:58,695
Okay, well...
883
00:39:58,826 --> 00:40:00,806
- You'll make another friend.
- No.
884
00:40:01,863 --> 00:40:03,536
No, I won't.
885
00:40:03,665 --> 00:40:05,667
Well, I don't know the inner workings
of your friendship,
886
00:40:05,767 --> 00:40:08,247
but if he doesn't like you, then screw him.
887
00:40:08,836 --> 00:40:10,110
(HORN BLARING)
888
00:40:11,806 --> 00:40:13,308
All right, train's coming!
889
00:40:13,408 --> 00:40:14,944
Let's go!
890
00:40:19,914 --> 00:40:25,193
If you only knew what it was like
891
00:40:25,286 --> 00:40:30,565
Hoping that you see the light
892
00:40:30,658 --> 00:40:35,232
And you always put up a fight
893
00:40:35,797 --> 00:40:39,335
I get last within your stare
894
00:40:39,434 --> 00:40:42,210
(INAUDIBLE)
895
00:40:42,337 --> 00:40:45,875
When we breathe the same air
896
00:40:46,975 --> 00:40:50,548
I see you everywhere
897
00:40:58,119 --> 00:41:02,625
Oh, if you only knew
898
00:41:03,558 --> 00:41:04,935
BLITHE: Whoa.
899
00:41:07,729 --> 00:41:09,333
NOAH: it's like actual China.
900
00:41:10,865 --> 00:41:13,243
Excuse me. Is this Wing's Fish Market?
901
00:41:13,368 --> 00:41:16,372
You must be Noah Griffith.
Mr. Karl is expecting you.
902
00:41:18,306 --> 00:41:20,479
- Wait here, all right?
- So,
903
00:41:21,075 --> 00:41:23,681
-did you get my money?
-(CLEARS THROAT) Um...
904
00:41:23,778 --> 00:41:25,883
Garv, can I get some chili flakes, please?
905
00:41:26,381 --> 00:41:27,883
-(MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
- Garv, honey.
906
00:41:27,982 --> 00:41:29,723
Look at me. Look at me!
907
00:41:29,817 --> 00:41:31,763
Yes, I have money right here.
908
00:41:31,886 --> 00:41:33,866
- Garv? Oh, boy.
- Here you go. I got it.
909
00:41:33,955 --> 00:41:35,400
Not listening. He's got the headphones on.
910
00:41:35,490 --> 00:41:37,902
I got the cash right here for you.
Here you go.
911
00:41:38,493 --> 00:41:40,632
So how do you guys all know each other?
912
00:41:40,762 --> 00:41:42,469
KARL: What the fuck
difference does it make?
913
00:41:42,597 --> 00:41:44,008
- JULIO: We got a problem.
- What's the problem?
914
00:41:44,098 --> 00:41:46,169
My man! You got $3,000 here.
915
00:41:46,267 --> 00:41:49,146
You are short $7,000!
916
00:41:49,237 --> 00:41:50,307
Short?
917
00:41:50,405 --> 00:41:52,282
Okay, I have checks.
918
00:41:52,407 --> 00:41:53,681
- KARL: Are you kidding me?
- Checks, yes.
919
00:41:53,775 --> 00:41:55,482
Checks! What's the matter with you?
(LAUGHING)
920
00:41:55,943 --> 00:41:57,752
Who the fuck is Wendy Sapperstein?
921
00:41:57,845 --> 00:42:01,486
The Sappersteins are loaded, so they're
not gonna miss the money at all.
922
00:42:01,582 --> 00:42:04,722
Garv! Please, chili flakes! You don't listen!
923
00:42:04,819 --> 00:42:07,800
- So you can sign the check over to yourself.
- KARL: I'll count to three.
924
00:42:07,922 --> 00:42:09,265
- One.
- Sign the checks over?
925
00:42:09,357 --> 00:42:10,768
- Two.
- Yeah, sign the checks over to yourself.
926
00:42:10,858 --> 00:42:12,303
Three. Good night.
927
00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:14,965
{GARY CRYING OUT IN PAIN}
928
00:42:15,096 --> 00:42:17,167
- Did you hear that?
- GARV: (SOBBING) Why'd you do that?
929
00:42:17,265 --> 00:42:19,006
Drop him off at the podiatrist
930
00:42:19,100 --> 00:42:20,238
Make his mom a mix CD
with an apology letter.
931
00:42:21,736 --> 00:42:22,714
(WAILING)
932
00:42:22,803 --> 00:42:25,409
JULIO: I told you, dawg.
Now your foot match your asshole.
933
00:42:25,540 --> 00:42:27,315
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
934
00:42:29,477 --> 00:42:30,979
- Hey!
- Hey, Karl!
935
00:42:31,078 --> 00:42:32,284
Hey, Marisa.
936
00:42:32,380 --> 00:42:34,053
- Where you at?
- I'm at a party!
937
00:42:34,148 --> 00:42:35,684
- A party?
- What?
938
00:42:35,783 --> 00:42:37,729
KARL: I'm always down to party.
939
00:42:37,818 --> 00:42:40,458
All right, text me the address.
All right, baby.
940
00:42:41,022 --> 00:42:42,524
We're gonna meet you at this party
at midnight.
941
00:42:42,623 --> 00:42:43,863
If you don't have my seven grand,
942
00:42:43,958 --> 00:42:47,303
Julio's gonna tickle
your girlfriend's asshole with a feather.
943
00:42:48,296 --> 00:42:49,707
How'd you get that name
"The Feather" again?
944
00:42:49,797 --> 00:42:53,108
Let me tell the story, man.
My joint got a little curve to it.
945
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,612
Sol go up in there,
and it tickles the lady's asshole.
946
00:42:55,703 --> 00:42:57,546
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
947
00:42:57,638 --> 00:43:00,050
My joint goes in and comes out
at the same time,
948
00:43:00,141 --> 00:43:01,415
you know what I'm saying? Tickle, tickle.
949
00:43:01,509 --> 00:43:02,749
- Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
- Yeah.
950
00:43:02,877 --> 00:43:04,254
(BOTH LAUGHING)
951
00:43:04,745 --> 00:43:07,749
See, when I'm stoking, I see the head,
952
00:43:07,848 --> 00:43:10,795
although I'm in it, my head is popping out.
953
00:43:10,885 --> 00:43:12,626
Still, like that. Like a U-turn.
954
00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:15,394
My joint make a U-turn in that ass.
955
00:43:15,489 --> 00:43:19,130
The Feather is in effect since 1981, son.
956
00:43:21,095 --> 00:43:23,166
My joint be pop-locking in that ass.
957
00:43:23,264 --> 00:43:26,404
It go in your ass and come out your ass,
like that. See what I'm saying?
958
00:43:26,500 --> 00:43:28,446
Come here. Give me a hug.
959
00:43:28,536 --> 00:43:30,038
JULIO: Give him a fucking hug!
KARL: Don't be shy.
960
00:43:30,137 --> 00:43:31,980
You're so shy. Come here.
961
00:43:32,406 --> 00:43:33,510
Hug me tight.
962
00:43:33,608 --> 00:43:35,884
It's okay. it's our little secret.
963
00:43:35,977 --> 00:43:37,979
But I want you to think about something.
964
00:43:38,112 --> 00:43:41,389
Garv was my third best friend in the world,
965
00:43:41,482 --> 00:43:45,225
and I shot him in the feet
for being a bad listener.
966
00:43:45,319 --> 00:43:47,731
You're my eighth best friend in the world,
967
00:43:47,822 --> 00:43:50,393
and you stole from me. From my home!
968
00:43:50,491 --> 00:43:52,732
You're gonna meet me
at that party at midnight.
969
00:43:53,628 --> 00:43:57,098
And if you don't get my seven grand,
let's just say it's gonna be bad.
970
00:43:57,198 --> 00:43:59,144
Real fucking bad!
971
00:44:00,267 --> 00:44:01,837
Now get out of here!
972
00:44:01,969 --> 00:44:03,004
Stop staring at me
with those gorgeous eyes.
973
00:44:04,805 --> 00:44:06,751
- All right, guys, let's go.
- Can we go home?
974
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:08,183
No, I have to see somebody.
975
00:44:08,308 --> 00:44:10,254
I don't want to see anybody.
Let's just go home.
976
00:44:10,343 --> 00:44:12,516
Believe me, Slater,
I don't want to see this person, either.
977
00:44:12,913 --> 00:44:13,948
(DOORBELL RINGS)
978
00:44:14,281 --> 00:44:15,919
God damn it.
979
00:44:16,016 --> 00:44:17,495
Hey. Beth?
980
00:44:18,785 --> 00:44:21,629
Noah. What are you doing here?
981
00:44:21,721 --> 00:44:24,201
I am babysitting these children.
982
00:44:24,324 --> 00:44:26,304
Looks like we finally
have something in common, right?
983
00:44:26,393 --> 00:44:28,805
I'm not your babysitter any more, Noah.
984
00:44:28,895 --> 00:44:31,671
Oh, you're not. That's right!
Because you fucked my dad
985
00:44:31,798 --> 00:44:34,836
while he was still married to my mom
and ruined my life. I forgot!
986
00:44:34,968 --> 00:44:36,276
Is he home, by the way?
987
00:44:38,471 --> 00:44:40,451
Seven thousand dollars?
988
00:44:41,842 --> 00:44:42,877
Yes.
989
00:44:43,009 --> 00:44:46,183
There is no way in hell
I'm giving you seven grand, so...
990
00:44:46,580 --> 00:44:51,461
Dad, you screwed Mom and I
out of child support and alimony.
991
00:44:51,551 --> 00:44:54,327
Just do this one thing. We'll call it even.
All right?
992
00:44:54,421 --> 00:44:58,392
You know, I have to say,
it is always some justification with you.
993
00:44:58,525 --> 00:45:00,869
You are never gonna grow up
with that attitude.
994
00:45:00,994 --> 00:45:03,907
Okay, don't do that. Don't do that. Okay?
995
00:45:04,030 --> 00:45:06,374
Don't pretend like you care how I turn out.
996
00:45:06,499 --> 00:45:09,412
Let's be very, very straightforward
with one another.
997
00:45:09,536 --> 00:45:11,675
- Okay?
- Okay,
998
00:45:11,771 --> 00:45:14,149
I'm in a jam. Okay?
999
00:45:15,075 --> 00:45:17,180
That's why I'm here,
because I need your help.
1000
00:45:17,277 --> 00:45:19,223
And I'm sorry.
1001
00:45:19,346 --> 00:45:22,486
I just need you to be my dad for a day.
That's it.
1002
00:45:22,582 --> 00:45:24,926
And I'm sorry. I can't help you.
1003
00:45:25,051 --> 00:45:28,555
You know what, pal? it's not my problem.
1004
00:45:28,688 --> 00:45:31,692
I mean, it's really not my problem.
1005
00:45:31,791 --> 00:45:33,600
Okay.
1006
00:45:34,761 --> 00:45:37,537
Daddy? Can we look at the telescope now?
1007
00:45:37,631 --> 00:45:39,042
JIM: Oh, hey, buddy.
1008
00:45:39,132 --> 00:45:41,408
Of course. Excuse me a second.
1009
00:45:41,534 --> 00:45:43,536
I want you to do me a favor.
1010
00:45:43,637 --> 00:45:46,379
I want you to go in the kitchen
and get a little bite to eat
1011
00:45:46,473 --> 00:45:48,680
for the two of us. I'll be right in, okay?
1012
00:45:49,242 --> 00:45:50,516
That a boy!
1013
00:45:53,213 --> 00:45:56,626
There's a geomagnetic storm tonight
I forgot.
1014
00:45:56,750 --> 00:45:58,229
I got thrown off.
1015
00:45:58,318 --> 00:46:00,127
- So...
- I didn't even know.
1016
00:46:00,253 --> 00:46:01,789
Yeah, I have to go.
1017
00:46:06,293 --> 00:46:10,537
You smell like perfume.
You got a lot of perfume on you.
1018
00:46:10,630 --> 00:46:12,940
I know. I know I do.
1019
00:46:16,069 --> 00:46:17,207
Why?
1020
00:46:22,809 --> 00:46:24,311
Gotcha, bitch.
1021
00:46:24,444 --> 00:46:26,549
BLITHE: Shotgun!
NOAH: All right, come on, let's go!
1022
00:46:26,646 --> 00:46:30,389
Let's roll. Hustle.
Rodrigo, feel free to take a piss in it.
1023
00:46:30,483 --> 00:46:31,985
BLITHE: Fancy car.
1024
00:46:32,118 --> 00:46:33,825
It smells like hotdogs.
1025
00:46:37,290 --> 00:46:39,236
Was that woman at the door
your babysitter?
1026
00:46:39,326 --> 00:46:42,307
She was, till I found out
my dad was tipping her extra
1027
00:46:42,429 --> 00:46:43,999
when he'd drive her home at night.
1028
00:46:48,702 --> 00:46:49,737
SLATER: Where are we going?
1029
00:46:50,537 --> 00:46:53,416
NOAH: Just got to pick up something
from my dad's store real quick.
1030
00:46:53,506 --> 00:46:54,780
You're breaking in?
1031
00:46:56,876 --> 00:46:58,321
- Not exactly.
-(ALARM RINGING)
1032
00:46:58,445 --> 00:47:01,016
BLITHE: Shouldn't you tell him
about this or something?
1033
00:47:05,018 --> 00:47:06,053
SLATER: What's wrong?
1034
00:47:06,152 --> 00:47:08,530
I'm typing in the code, and it's not working.
1035
00:47:08,621 --> 00:47:10,692
- You didn't do it right!
- Yes, I did.
1036
00:47:10,790 --> 00:47:11,791
- I'm doing it right.
-(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)
1037
00:47:11,891 --> 00:47:14,462
- Maybe your dad changed the code.
- He didn't change the code.
1038
00:47:14,561 --> 00:47:16,472
Okay? The code's my birthday.
It's always been my birthday.
1039
00:47:16,563 --> 00:47:17,598
He didn't change it.
1040
00:47:17,697 --> 00:47:19,506
Maybe it's someone else's birthday.
1041
00:47:28,408 --> 00:47:30,479
(ALARM STOPS RINGING)
1042
00:47:31,811 --> 00:47:32,846
Sorry, man.
1043
00:47:39,819 --> 00:47:41,696
Let me guess what it is.
1044
00:47:41,888 --> 00:47:42,889
(BEEPS)
1045
00:47:49,029 --> 00:47:50,565
Booyah!
1046
00:47:58,271 --> 00:47:59,807
Can I tell you my gossip now?
1047
00:47:59,906 --> 00:48:01,544
Oh, shit, yeah. Blithe.
1048
00:48:02,742 --> 00:48:05,222
Not now. I think we should go, okay?
Let's go. We gotta go.
1049
00:48:06,513 --> 00:48:09,551
I saw my daddy
kissing his assistant, Debra.
1050
00:48:10,750 --> 00:48:12,957
That's why he always stays late
at the hospital,
1051
00:48:13,053 --> 00:48:16,091
'cause he spends all night kissing Debra.
1052
00:48:17,957 --> 00:48:19,493
My mom knows.
1053
00:48:19,592 --> 00:48:23,506
She pretends like she doesn't know,
but she knows.
1054
00:48:23,596 --> 00:48:25,405
That's not gossip, Blithe.
1055
00:48:26,232 --> 00:48:27,711
You know that, right?
1056
00:48:28,234 --> 00:48:29,440
Well...
1057
00:48:29,536 --> 00:48:32,244
Sometimes people do messed-up stuff
to each other, okay?
1058
00:48:32,739 --> 00:48:33,774
Why?
1059
00:48:33,873 --> 00:48:37,343
One time I was walking down the street,
I punched my best friend Darius
1060
00:48:37,444 --> 00:48:41,290
in the nut sack for no reason.
Just both fists.
1061
00:48:41,414 --> 00:48:44,122
- Just double-punched him.
- Why would you do that?
1062
00:48:44,818 --> 00:48:45,888
I don't know.
1063
00:48:46,653 --> 00:48:48,098
You're an idiot.
1064
00:48:48,221 --> 00:48:49,962
That's probably true. I am an idiot.
1065
00:48:50,090 --> 00:48:51,535
And so is your dad.
1066
00:48:52,058 --> 00:48:53,435
Come on.
1067
00:48:55,595 --> 00:48:56,699
Hey.
1068
00:48:57,163 --> 00:48:58,301
Where's Rodrigo?
1069
00:48:58,398 --> 00:48:59,877
He's in the bathroom.
1070
00:48:59,966 --> 00:49:01,570
(TOILET FLUSHING)
1071
00:49:01,668 --> 00:49:04,274
(OMINOUS COWBOY MUSIC PLAYING)
1072
00:49:04,604 --> 00:49:06,242
Oh, no.
1073
00:49:06,339 --> 00:49:09,445
No, tell me... Tell me you didn't.
1074
00:49:09,576 --> 00:49:11,817
(CHUCKLING)
1075
00:49:11,945 --> 00:49:13,322
Oh, shit!
1076
00:49:22,755 --> 00:49:25,258
- Why the hell did you do that, Rodrigo?
- BLITHE: Seriously, dude!
1077
00:49:25,358 --> 00:49:26,735
You said you didn't have
any more cherry bombs!
1078
00:49:26,826 --> 00:49:28,134
How many more do you have, huh?
1079
00:49:28,261 --> 00:49:31,071
You can't just go around
blowing up bathrooms! it's not cool!
1080
00:49:31,164 --> 00:49:32,939
Why can't you be
more like your brother and sister?
1081
00:49:33,032 --> 00:49:35,171
They're at least half crazy.
You're full-on nuts!
1082
00:49:35,835 --> 00:49:38,372
They are not my brother and sister!
They are nothing to me!
1083
00:49:38,471 --> 00:49:40,109
They are not my family!
1084
00:49:40,206 --> 00:49:43,016
She does nothing all day but paint
her face like a puta. She is a puta!
1085
00:49:43,143 --> 00:49:44,144
And this one is sick in the head!
1086
00:49:44,244 --> 00:49:46,087
He goes to the head doctor
four times a week!
1087
00:49:46,179 --> 00:49:48,284
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1088
00:49:48,381 --> 00:49:51,191
- Hey! Stop acting crazy, okay?
- He is the crazy one.
1089
00:49:51,317 --> 00:49:53,854
He has this medicine! He loco!
He muy loco!
1090
00:49:53,987 --> 00:49:55,625
- Hey, relax!
- Shut up!
1091
00:49:55,722 --> 00:49:57,929
You shut up with your stupid fanny pack!
I take your fanny pack!
1092
00:49:58,024 --> 00:50:00,265
No! No! No, I need that!
1093
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,432
Stop it! I need that! My pills! No! No!
1094
00:50:03,530 --> 00:50:05,339
NOAH: What did you do that for?
1095
00:50:05,465 --> 00:50:07,536
- SLATER: Pull over! Pull over!
- Okay! Okay!
1096
00:50:07,667 --> 00:50:10,477
SLATER: Right now! Right now!
NOAH: Okay! Okay!
1097
00:50:12,472 --> 00:50:14,452
Slater! Where are you going?
1098
00:50:14,541 --> 00:50:16,316
What the fuck is your problem, man?
1099
00:50:16,409 --> 00:50:17,513
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
1100
00:50:22,015 --> 00:50:23,221
NOAH: Slater.
1101
00:50:23,349 --> 00:50:24,851
You're not going to find it, all right?
1102
00:50:24,984 --> 00:50:28,522
- I need those pills, okay? I need them.
- No, you don't.
1103
00:50:28,655 --> 00:50:30,828
Yes, I do, okay? I have serious issues.
1104
00:50:30,924 --> 00:50:32,267
You don't have serious issues.
1105
00:50:32,358 --> 00:50:35,396
Yes, I do! Those pills are
the only thing that keep me normal,
1106
00:50:35,495 --> 00:50:36,803
and I need them!
1107
00:50:36,896 --> 00:50:38,466
I can't do this any more.
1108
00:50:38,565 --> 00:50:41,500
Slater, you're gay, all right?
1109
00:50:41,501 --> 00:50:43,208
What the fuck are you talking about?
1110
00:50:43,303 --> 00:50:45,943
- Nothing. Never mind.
- Take that back!
1111
00:50:46,039 --> 00:50:48,178
Take it back, Noah!
1112
00:50:49,442 --> 00:50:51,115
You're gay. All right?
1113
00:50:51,211 --> 00:50:54,317
You're as queer as a football bat,
and that's fine.
1114
00:50:54,414 --> 00:50:56,587
And if your therapist
hasn't clued you into that by now,
1115
00:50:56,683 --> 00:50:58,594
then you should ask
for your money back, pal.
1116
00:50:58,685 --> 00:51:00,824
You ever think the reason you're so upset
1117
00:51:00,954 --> 00:51:02,956
your buddy Clayton
doesn't want to hang out any more
1118
00:51:03,056 --> 00:51:05,559
is because you have
a lot of special feelings for him
1119
00:51:05,658 --> 00:51:07,194
that maybe he doesn't feel back?
1120
00:51:07,293 --> 00:51:08,897
It breaks your heart, man.
1121
00:51:08,995 --> 00:51:10,736
And that breaks my heart.
1122
00:51:10,830 --> 00:51:12,605
'Cause I know what that feels like.
1123
00:51:12,699 --> 00:51:14,406
I feel it all the time.
1124
00:51:14,500 --> 00:51:17,106
I don't want to be gay! I'm not gay!
1125
00:51:17,537 --> 00:51:18,538
Tough.
1126
00:51:18,638 --> 00:51:20,515
I don't want to be a faggot!
1127
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:23,086
Hey! Do not say shit like that!
Do you understand me?
1128
00:51:23,776 --> 00:51:26,154
This is the worst night of my life.
1129
00:51:29,282 --> 00:51:31,853
All right, high school is going to suck.
1130
00:51:31,985 --> 00:51:35,797
Coming out to your parents,
it's not gonna be a picnic, either.
1131
00:51:35,888 --> 00:51:37,834
But trust me when I tell you
1132
00:51:37,924 --> 00:51:40,427
that when you get to college,
nobody will care.
1133
00:51:40,526 --> 00:51:43,029
And then, when you graduate college,
1134
00:51:43,162 --> 00:51:46,109
you'll get an awesome job
in the entertainment industry.
1135
00:51:46,199 --> 00:51:50,045
You'll be super-organized and
dress really well, you'll smell good.
1136
00:51:50,136 --> 00:51:52,616
Smell good?
What are you talking about, Noah?
1137
00:51:52,705 --> 00:51:54,275
Relax. Listen to me.
1138
00:51:57,143 --> 00:51:59,851
My dad hates me. All right?
1139
00:52:01,180 --> 00:52:03,160
I got kicked out of college.
1140
00:52:04,117 --> 00:52:05,494
(SIGHING)
1141
00:52:05,718 --> 00:52:08,062
Before tonight, this babysitting thing,
1142
00:52:08,187 --> 00:52:10,463
I've only ever had one job,
and I was a lifeguard.
1143
00:52:10,556 --> 00:52:15,027
I got fired after four days because
I kept falling asleep in the sun.
1144
00:52:15,495 --> 00:52:19,807
I'm a constant disappointment to my mom,
who's the only decent person in my life.
1145
00:52:19,899 --> 00:52:21,845
I've been arrested numerous times.
1146
00:52:21,934 --> 00:52:24,881
I had a month-long, intense addiction
to Robitussin.
1147
00:52:26,172 --> 00:52:28,209
There's only one freak out here.
1148
00:52:29,075 --> 00:52:30,554
You're looking at him.
1149
00:52:31,544 --> 00:52:34,252
I've never had a gay thought in my life,
so what does that tell you?
1150
00:52:35,515 --> 00:52:37,995
That tells me you're pretty messed up.
1151
00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,496
I have seen Devil Wears Prada
about 19 times,
1152
00:52:40,586 --> 00:52:42,657
but that's because it's a good movie.
1153
00:52:42,755 --> 00:52:44,666
It's a good flick.
1154
00:52:44,757 --> 00:52:47,897
Devil Wears P. You ever seen it?
D Wears P?
1155
00:52:48,027 --> 00:52:50,439
I think, like, once.
I don't really remember it though.
1156
00:52:51,764 --> 00:52:54,938
Nothing's wrong with you. You're normal.
1157
00:52:56,536 --> 00:52:58,743
Just super gay.
1158
00:53:01,107 --> 00:53:03,018
You're a dick.
1159
00:53:03,109 --> 00:53:06,522
(LAUGHS) Yes, that's true.
Enough of the pills, all right?
1160
00:53:08,014 --> 00:53:09,152
Okay.
1161
00:53:10,383 --> 00:53:11,794
You know,
1162
00:53:13,119 --> 00:53:16,259
deep down, I think I always kind of knew.
1163
00:53:18,725 --> 00:53:21,604
(SIGHS) But don't tell anybody yet, okay?
1164
00:53:21,728 --> 00:53:23,765
I won't. I won't.
1165
00:53:25,231 --> 00:53:27,233
What do you think I am, an asshole?
1166
00:53:28,301 --> 00:53:29,780
(LAUGHING) Yeah, sort of.
1167
00:53:29,902 --> 00:53:31,381
Come on, Ricky Martin,
let's get out of here.
1168
00:53:31,471 --> 00:53:33,041
SLATER: That's an example.
1169
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,984
Hey, Slater, are you okay?
1170
00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:38,418
Yeah, I'm okay.
1171
00:53:38,511 --> 00:53:40,889
Hey! That's Mom's car!
1172
00:53:40,980 --> 00:53:41,981
NOAH: Are you sure?
1173
00:53:42,181 --> 00:53:43,455
(BEEPING)
1174
00:53:43,649 --> 00:53:45,322
All right. Let's go! Let's go!
1175
00:53:45,451 --> 00:53:48,227
BLITHE: Rodrigo's jacket must be in there!
1176
00:54:13,079 --> 00:54:14,888
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1177
00:54:18,451 --> 00:54:20,260
BLITHE: This is my kind of club.
1178
00:54:20,353 --> 00:54:22,765
SLATER: Let's just go home.
NOAH: No.
1179
00:54:22,855 --> 00:54:24,857
All right? I have a half-hour
to get to this party,
1180
00:54:24,957 --> 00:54:28,530
pay off Karl, pick my girlfriend up
off the floor, get you kids home,
1181
00:54:28,628 --> 00:54:31,370
and be home in time for my mom
to tell me how awesome her night was.
1182
00:54:31,464 --> 00:54:35,344
I'm not gonna let some bullshit
car thief fuck this up for me.
1183
00:54:37,136 --> 00:54:38,274
Hey.
1184
00:54:38,371 --> 00:54:40,647
What's happening, my man?
How you doing, man?
1185
00:54:40,740 --> 00:54:43,448
You know, this ain't no place for no kids.
1186
00:54:43,543 --> 00:54:45,352
These aren't kids, these are little people.
1187
00:54:45,478 --> 00:54:47,185
This woman's 48 years old.
1188
00:54:47,313 --> 00:54:48,621
Her children have children.
1189
00:54:48,714 --> 00:54:51,388
- Hi. I'm a grandma.
- All right.
1190
00:54:51,517 --> 00:54:53,827
- What's your name, baby?
- They call me Soul, Soul Baby.
1191
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:55,831
Soul Baby? Keep it in control, baby.
1192
00:54:55,922 --> 00:54:58,095
- I hear you, baby.
- My name's Noah J-Bird.
1193
00:54:58,191 --> 00:54:59,602
- Noah J-Bird.
-(CAWS)
1194
00:54:59,692 --> 00:55:01,365
- Oh, you like to fly.
- I fly, baby.
1195
00:55:01,494 --> 00:55:03,872
- Fly, fly, fly away, baby.
- In the clouds, no frowns.
1196
00:55:03,996 --> 00:55:05,304
All right, now,
that's what I'm talking about.
1197
00:55:05,398 --> 00:55:07,503
- Tears, no fears, man.
- Is that right?
1198
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:08,806
Respect it, don't neglect it.
1199
00:55:08,901 --> 00:55:11,643
All right. That's what I'm
talking about, baby. My brother.
1200
00:55:11,737 --> 00:55:13,341
- Treat it, don't beat it, my man.
- All right, baby.
1201
00:55:13,906 --> 00:55:15,908
You're a badass motherfucker.
1202
00:55:17,643 --> 00:55:18,951
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1203
00:55:21,781 --> 00:55:23,556
- Hey.
-(GROANS)
1204
00:55:23,683 --> 00:55:26,323
God, man. What's up, white boy?
1205
00:55:26,419 --> 00:55:28,023
I'm here for my minivan. What's up?
1206
00:55:28,254 --> 00:55:30,632
(LAUGHS) Get out of here.
1207
00:55:30,723 --> 00:55:33,101
What, are you stalking me now?
You're stealing my car?
1208
00:55:33,192 --> 00:55:35,172
I'm serious. Give me the keys.
1209
00:55:35,261 --> 00:55:38,037
Look, homey, we got beef.
You understand that?
1210
00:55:38,130 --> 00:55:39,336
Just give me the keys.
1211
00:55:39,432 --> 00:55:42,106
Step back, homey!
This ain't where you belong!
1212
00:55:42,201 --> 00:55:44,477
All right,
you're going to listen to me, okay?
1213
00:55:44,570 --> 00:55:47,176
You're right,
I threw up in your grandmother's ashes.
1214
00:55:47,273 --> 00:55:49,480
- Hell, yeah, you did.
- It was an accident.
1215
00:55:49,575 --> 00:55:52,920
- Fucked up.
- I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
1216
00:55:53,045 --> 00:55:55,389
I have been stuck
babysitting these three kids.
1217
00:55:55,515 --> 00:55:57,756
I was talked into buying cocaine
for my girlfriend,
1218
00:55:57,884 --> 00:56:00,125
who I realize is not even my girlfriend.
1219
00:56:00,253 --> 00:56:04,099
She's just a girl who occasionally
lets me stick my face in her crotch
1220
00:56:04,190 --> 00:56:06,170
-and who's mean to me all the time. Okay?
-(ALL LAUGH)
1221
00:56:06,292 --> 00:56:10,331
And this time, making her happy
is probably gonna get me killed.
1222
00:56:10,463 --> 00:56:14,138
You're acting all gangster,
stealing cars, hanging out with thugs.
1223
00:56:14,267 --> 00:56:15,268
Well, you know what?
1224
00:56:15,368 --> 00:56:18,247
A few years ago we went to
the same lame-ass high school.
1225
00:56:18,337 --> 00:56:21,750
The point is,
you and I are two fucked-up kids
1226
00:56:21,841 --> 00:56:23,149
meeting on the playground.
1227
00:56:23,276 --> 00:56:28,282
I came here for my motherfucking keys
to my motherfucking minivan,
1228
00:56:28,381 --> 00:56:29,792
and that's what's up!
1229
00:56:31,217 --> 00:56:33,823
(ALL LAUGHING)
1230
00:56:34,020 --> 00:56:35,658
Is that supposed to be a threat, little man?
1231
00:56:35,788 --> 00:56:36,926
I ain't giving you shit.
1232
00:56:37,023 --> 00:56:38,127
It's not a threat.
1233
00:56:38,224 --> 00:56:40,602
I'm going to put
both my hands behind my back,
1234
00:56:40,693 --> 00:56:43,173
and you get one punch to my face
as hard as you want.
1235
00:56:43,296 --> 00:56:46,505
- I can punch you in the face?
- You deserve to punch me in the face.
1236
00:56:46,632 --> 00:56:48,373
Go on, baby. Punch him in the face.
1237
00:56:48,501 --> 00:56:50,276
(WHISPERS) My face is ready to receive you.
1238
00:56:51,137 --> 00:56:52,775
- Noah, don't!
- What?
1239
00:56:52,939 --> 00:56:55,010
CROWD: Oh!
1240
00:56:55,308 --> 00:56:56,309
TINA: Bitch.
1241
00:56:57,076 --> 00:57:00,023
- BLITHE: Noah!
- I fucking love you right now.
1242
00:57:01,047 --> 00:57:03,459
You killed my babysitter!
1243
00:57:03,549 --> 00:57:04,721
Noah?
1244
00:57:06,118 --> 00:57:07,825
(GROANS) That was bad.
1245
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:09,194
- BLITHE: Are you okay?
- Yeah.
1246
00:57:09,388 --> 00:57:10,366
(ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE)
1247
00:57:10,489 --> 00:57:12,560
Oh, shit. I'm all right!
1248
00:57:13,826 --> 00:57:15,806
- I'm okay!
-(ALL APPLAUDING)
1249
00:57:15,895 --> 00:57:17,374
I'm okay!
1250
00:57:17,496 --> 00:57:18,873
She won this round, right?
1251
00:57:18,998 --> 00:57:20,375
Oh, shit.
1252
00:57:20,499 --> 00:57:22,979
She punched my face, but it's cool!
It's all good.
1253
00:57:24,837 --> 00:57:26,214
Looks like we're even.
1254
00:57:31,077 --> 00:57:34,058
Guess you ain't the little pussy
you used to be. Huh, Noah?
1255
00:57:34,180 --> 00:57:36,660
Nope, I'm a whole different pussy now.
1256
00:57:36,749 --> 00:57:38,729
All right, boy. Respect.
1257
00:57:40,252 --> 00:57:42,755
Unlock it. What's inside?
1258
00:57:42,888 --> 00:57:44,526
Oh, shit, it's a bomb.
1259
00:57:45,925 --> 00:57:48,235
Hell, yeah. I feel that.
1260
00:57:48,361 --> 00:57:50,898
NOAH: Let that debris
fall across your face, girl.
1261
00:57:51,464 --> 00:57:52,875
Look here, little homey.
1262
00:57:53,432 --> 00:57:55,002
I like your style, you dig?
1263
00:57:55,101 --> 00:57:56,171
I appreciate that. Thank you.
1264
00:57:56,268 --> 00:57:58,077
You stand up for yours,
and I can respect that.
1265
00:57:58,204 --> 00:58:03,017
If we ever need a crazy-ass white boy
to roll with us one day
1266
00:58:03,109 --> 00:58:07,580
and get punched in the face
by motherfuckers, I'm-a call you.
1267
00:58:07,713 --> 00:58:10,626
- Know what I mean?
- Yeah, man.
1268
00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:14,027
Yo, listen. Listen.
Let me holler at you for a second.
1269
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:15,463
I just wanna let you know,
1270
00:58:15,588 --> 00:58:18,034
I just want to throw a monster shout-out
back at you, my man.
1271
00:58:18,124 --> 00:58:19,899
Monster shout-out back at me, right?
1272
00:58:19,992 --> 00:58:22,871
I don't understand what the fuck
that is, but it sound good, though.
1273
00:58:22,962 --> 00:58:24,464
- It's all good, baby.
- All right, brother.
1274
00:58:24,597 --> 00:58:26,440
Peace to you. I fucking love you, dawg.
1275
00:58:28,768 --> 00:58:30,406
Noah, are you all right?
1276
00:58:31,070 --> 00:58:33,209
(HOARSELY) I feel so cool right now.
1277
00:58:34,206 --> 00:58:35,207
(LAUGHING)
1278
00:58:35,307 --> 00:58:36,377
This place is cool.
1279
00:58:36,475 --> 00:58:39,786
I honestly might start DJ-ing here.
I don't know.
1280
00:58:39,912 --> 00:58:40,982
Okay, that's all right,
1281
00:58:41,113 --> 00:58:43,957
but do you really think that
this is an appropriate place to bring kids?
1282
00:58:44,083 --> 00:58:47,462
I don't know. Look, Rodrigo's over there
chatting up some prostitutes.
1283
00:58:47,586 --> 00:58:51,227
You got Slater schooling Bell Biv DeVoe
over there in pool.
1284
00:58:51,323 --> 00:58:54,497
And Blithe's doing the Riverdance
over in the bowling alley.
1285
00:58:54,593 --> 00:58:57,005
Honestly, this is the first time
I've seen them having any kind of fun,
1286
00:58:57,096 --> 00:58:59,303
so what the hell?
1287
00:59:03,869 --> 00:59:05,439
You know what that is?
1288
00:59:05,538 --> 00:59:07,176
What is that?
1289
00:59:07,273 --> 00:59:09,116
Just me being cool. Playing it cool.
1290
00:59:10,176 --> 00:59:12,019
No big deal.
1291
00:59:12,144 --> 00:59:13,179
You're crazy.
1292
00:59:13,279 --> 00:59:15,384
You're crazy slash beautiful. Whatever.
1293
00:59:20,853 --> 00:59:23,026
So, did you drive here?
1294
00:59:23,155 --> 00:59:24,498
No, I took a cab.
1295
00:59:24,623 --> 00:59:26,102
Maybe you should take my dad's car,
1296
00:59:26,192 --> 00:59:28,365
because I can't drive
both of them anyways.
1297
00:59:28,461 --> 00:59:29,997
Are you serious?
1298
00:59:30,096 --> 00:59:32,076
Yeah, it'd actually really help me out.
1299
00:59:32,164 --> 00:59:33,837
Okay. How are you gonna find me?
1300
00:59:33,933 --> 00:59:35,503
Do you have a phone?
1301
00:59:38,202 --> 00:59:39,704
Okay. See you.
1302
00:59:39,804 --> 00:59:42,284
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- Just kidding.
1303
00:59:42,373 --> 00:59:45,877
Here, this is my phone number,
and then you can call me.
1304
00:59:46,010 --> 00:59:47,717
Okay.
1305
00:59:48,646 --> 00:59:50,353
I'll call you.
1306
00:59:51,182 --> 00:59:52,559
Hey.
1307
00:59:52,684 --> 00:59:56,154
Why did you say something to me
when you saw me earlier? I feel like
1308
00:59:56,254 --> 00:59:58,632
you kind of ignored me all freshman year.
1309
01:00:00,224 --> 01:00:04,536
I don't know.
I thought you were really funny and smart
1310
01:00:04,662 --> 01:00:06,232
and seemed really sweet.
1311
01:00:07,332 --> 01:00:10,211
I guess I was kind of nervous
to talk to you back then.
1312
01:00:11,569 --> 01:00:13,981
You were nervous to talk to me?
1313
01:00:14,505 --> 01:00:16,041
Yeah.
1314
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:18,151
(MOBILE RINGING)
1315
01:00:18,343 --> 01:00:19,981
My phone's ringing.
1316
01:00:20,912 --> 01:00:23,518
Shit, it's my girlfriend. I'm sorry.
I have to take this.
1317
01:00:23,614 --> 01:00:25,025
- Girlfriend.
- Yeah.
1318
01:00:26,050 --> 01:00:27,085
Hello?
1319
01:00:27,852 --> 01:00:29,854
All right. See you later.
1320
01:00:29,954 --> 01:00:30,932
Call me about the car.
1321
01:00:31,389 --> 01:00:32,834
- Yeah.
- Noah.
1322
01:00:32,924 --> 01:00:34,904
NOAH: Listen tome.
You need to lea ye that party right now.
1323
01:00:35,026 --> 01:00:38,064
Noah, this party is breathtaking,
so I'm not gonna leave it.
1324
01:00:38,196 --> 01:00:39,903
Breathtaking? Marisa, listen to me.
1325
01:00:40,031 --> 01:00:44,207
You need to listen to me.
You have been jerking me around all night.
1326
01:00:44,302 --> 01:00:47,749
And you wanna know what?
It's disrespectful and it's lame.
1327
01:00:47,872 --> 01:00:50,352
Just, if Karl and Julio show up,
stay away from them.
1328
01:00:50,441 --> 01:00:51,442
They're dangerous.
1329
01:00:51,542 --> 01:00:53,351
They're not dangerous.
You 're being an idiot.
1330
01:00:53,444 --> 01:00:56,118
I'm very close.
I'm coming for you, Marisa, okay?
1331
01:00:56,247 --> 01:00:57,419
Aka V-
1332
01:00:57,615 --> 01:00:59,856
(SIREN SQUAWKING)
1333
01:01:00,284 --> 01:01:02,059
Oh, shit.
1334
01:01:05,590 --> 01:01:07,467
I can't decide if this is funny or not.
1335
01:01:07,558 --> 01:01:09,333
NOAH: it's not funny at all.
1336
01:01:09,460 --> 01:01:10,837
How you doing tonight, my man?
1337
01:01:11,262 --> 01:01:12,798
Do you have any idea why I stopped you?
1338
01:01:12,930 --> 01:01:14,273
- No.
- You ran a red light
1339
01:01:14,365 --> 01:01:16,140
and you're not wearing your seat belt.
1340
01:01:16,234 --> 01:01:18,646
All right,
why don't you step out of the car, pal?
1341
01:01:19,504 --> 01:01:20,642
Do me a favor. Put your hands on the trunk.
1342
01:01:20,738 --> 01:01:21,978
OFFICER: Easy, cowboy.
1343
01:01:22,073 --> 01:01:23,211
What's this?
1344
01:01:23,307 --> 01:01:25,981
- It's a luchador action figure.
- Luchadors, I love these guys.
1345
01:01:26,110 --> 01:01:27,316
Look at this.
1346
01:01:27,412 --> 01:01:28,948
Frank, what's in there?
1347
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:30,852
What's this, my man?
1348
01:01:30,948 --> 01:01:31,926
(SIGHS)
1349
01:01:32,016 --> 01:01:33,086
You got a little party in your pocket?
1350
01:01:33,184 --> 01:01:37,098
It's not mine, I swear to God.
I'm just holding it for my girlfriend.
1351
01:01:37,188 --> 01:01:39,327
- I'm just holding it for her.
- You're going out with a cokehead?
1352
01:01:39,424 --> 01:01:41,404
Bag of fucking actual diamonds here.
1353
01:01:41,492 --> 01:01:44,666
Oh. Okay. Jacob the Jeweler.
You're tits in a ditch, my man.
1354
01:01:44,796 --> 01:01:46,673
- Tits in a ditch.
- NOAH: Is that good?
1355
01:01:46,798 --> 01:01:49,074
Sometimes it's good.
Sometimes it's real bad.
1356
01:01:49,167 --> 01:01:52,080
What is that? Oh, no shit!
1357
01:01:52,170 --> 01:01:53,843
- Is that you?
- That's the fucking bathroom guy!
1358
01:01:53,971 --> 01:01:55,882
- Mr. Toilet Explosion?
- That's not me.
1359
01:01:55,973 --> 01:01:59,785
I've never actually been the guy on duty
to catch the fucking guy in the sketch.
1360
01:01:59,877 --> 01:02:01,185
What are they doing to him?
1361
01:02:01,279 --> 01:02:03,156
- Do me a favor. You got this?
- Yeah.
1362
01:02:06,184 --> 01:02:08,027
- You got it?
- Yeah. I like that.
1363
01:02:08,152 --> 01:02:09,961
- That's one for your wallet.
- Check it out! Check it out!
1364
01:02:10,054 --> 01:02:11,294
- It's great.
- All right, sir, do me a favor,
1365
01:02:11,389 --> 01:02:12,424
go stand by your vehicle.
1366
01:02:12,523 --> 01:02:14,298
We're going to run your profile. All right?
1367
01:02:14,392 --> 01:02:16,998
This is mine.
I'm gonna take responsibility...
1368
01:02:17,128 --> 01:02:19,768
Sir! Go stand by your vehicle. Please.
1369
01:02:22,700 --> 01:02:24,304
Hey, so here's the deal.
1370
01:02:24,402 --> 01:02:26,109
I think I'm about to get arrested.
1371
01:02:26,204 --> 01:02:28,707
I messed up and I put your lives in danger.
1372
01:02:28,807 --> 01:02:29,785
You's got the diamonds?
1373
01:02:29,874 --> 01:02:30,909
NOAH: Things just got
out of hand so quickly...
1374
01:02:31,009 --> 01:02:31,987
(BOTH GRUNT)
1375
01:02:32,077 --> 01:02:34,318
- Let's party!
-...and I'm really, really sorry.
1376
01:02:34,412 --> 01:02:35,516
(ENGINE STARTING)
1377
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:37,188
Whoa. Are they leaving?
1378
01:02:37,315 --> 01:02:39,454
Hey! What are you doing? Stop!
1379
01:02:39,551 --> 01:02:41,724
Please! I need those diamonds! Come back!
1380
01:02:41,853 --> 01:02:43,730
Damn it! (GROANS)
1381
01:02:58,036 --> 01:03:00,016
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1382
01:03:03,741 --> 01:03:06,153
All right, I'm going to go find my girlfriend.
1383
01:03:06,244 --> 01:03:07,985
Marisa!
1384
01:03:09,747 --> 01:03:11,055
Marisa!
1385
01:03:13,785 --> 01:03:15,560
Stephanie, have you seen Marisa?
1386
01:03:15,653 --> 01:03:18,566
I don't know, it's my birthday!
1387
01:03:18,656 --> 01:03:19,760
Why are you upside down?
1388
01:03:19,858 --> 01:03:22,429
- Why aren't you upside down?
- Okay.
1389
01:03:22,527 --> 01:03:23,562
Take care of yourself.
1390
01:03:23,661 --> 01:03:25,641
You're not invited any more.
1391
01:03:27,665 --> 01:03:29,076
G-Bert, sorry to interrupt, man.
1392
01:03:29,701 --> 01:03:31,044
What's up, Noah?
1393
01:03:31,136 --> 01:03:32,547
Have you seen Marisa?
1394
01:03:32,637 --> 01:03:33,945
- Who's Marisa?
- She's my girlfriend.
1395
01:03:34,038 --> 01:03:35,449
She's like my height, blonde hair.
1396
01:03:36,641 --> 01:03:38,245
- No, sorry.
- No.
1397
01:03:38,343 --> 01:03:40,619
If I find her, we should all hang out
next week or something.
1398
01:03:40,712 --> 01:03:41,747
Totally, yeah.
1399
01:03:41,846 --> 01:03:42,950
Yeah, great.
You have great breasts. Thanks.
1400
01:03:43,047 --> 01:03:44,253
- Thank you.
- Later, Noah.
1401
01:03:47,919 --> 01:03:49,592
- What are you doing?
- Fuck you.
1402
01:03:51,089 --> 01:03:53,160
Why are you such an asshole, Rodrigo?
1403
01:03:54,792 --> 01:03:58,535
Ever since you moved in with us,
you've been so mean to everybody!
1404
01:03:58,630 --> 01:04:00,906
- What's wrong with you?
- You want to know what's wrong with me?
1405
01:04:02,699 --> 01:04:03,973
This is my third family in three years.
1406
01:04:04,100 --> 01:04:07,047
When your papas get tired with me,
they give me to another families.
1407
01:04:07,136 --> 01:04:08,410
That happens every time.
1408
01:04:08,504 --> 01:04:11,485
Well, maybe if you didn't do
such messed-up stuff
1409
01:04:11,607 --> 01:04:14,816
then they would actually feel
like you wanted to be here.
1410
01:04:14,944 --> 01:04:18,255
You don't know me. You look at me
like a crazy that live in your house.
1411
01:04:18,347 --> 01:04:20,827
That's not true. You never talk to us.
1412
01:04:20,950 --> 01:04:24,124
Honestly, you're pretty scary, man.
1413
01:04:25,855 --> 01:04:28,597
I no scary. I just like having fun.
1414
01:04:28,758 --> 01:04:30,533
Boom, boom, boom. Kaboom.
1415
01:04:30,626 --> 01:04:32,936
Hey, guys, I can't find Marisa anywhere.
Let's go.
1416
01:04:33,229 --> 01:04:34,708
Come on. Where's Blithe?
1417
01:04:37,467 --> 01:04:39,276
Blithe, get down from there. We have to go.
1418
01:04:39,368 --> 01:04:41,439
These are my friends!
Come on, we're having fun.
1419
01:04:41,537 --> 01:04:42,743
No. They're not your friends.
1420
01:04:42,839 --> 01:04:44,716
They're drunk and
they're making fun of you, okay?
1421
01:04:44,807 --> 01:04:46,718
- You need to get down here right now.
- What are you doing?
1422
01:04:46,809 --> 01:04:49,449
- Listen, they're drunk. Let's go.
- Come up here!
1423
01:04:49,545 --> 01:04:51,786
- They just want to dance with me!
- They don't want to dance...
1424
01:04:51,881 --> 01:04:53,656
Oh! You're here!
1425
01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:56,731
Where have you been?
This has been the best night ever.
1426
01:04:57,720 --> 01:04:59,495
- Are those kids?
- Yeah. They're with me.
1427
01:04:59,622 --> 01:05:00,930
I'll explain.
We need to get out of here right now.
1428
01:05:01,023 --> 01:05:02,798
Did you get the party favors?
1429
01:05:02,892 --> 01:05:06,533
I had them and now I don't. I'll explain.
We need to get out of here right now.
1430
01:05:06,629 --> 01:05:08,575
- I'm serious.
- MARISA: it's Ricky.
1431
01:05:08,664 --> 01:05:09,699
We don't have time for this.
1432
01:05:09,799 --> 01:05:11,608
That is Ricky Fontaine.
He is my ex-boyfriend.
1433
01:05:11,701 --> 01:05:13,305
I obviously have to go say hi.
1434
01:05:13,402 --> 01:05:15,712
- Ricky!
- NOAH: You're drunk, Marisa.
1435
01:05:16,139 --> 01:05:18,642
- Hey.
- Marisa.
1436
01:05:18,741 --> 01:05:20,015
What's up? How are you?
1437
01:05:20,109 --> 01:05:23,249
You haven't responded to any of my texts
in, like, a really long time.
1438
01:05:23,346 --> 01:05:25,326
Yeah. There's a reason for that.
1439
01:05:25,414 --> 01:05:29,328
Marisa, I'm sorry.
I don't know how else I can say it.
1440
01:05:29,418 --> 01:05:32,160
We had a great run, but it's over now,
1441
01:05:32,255 --> 01:05:34,565
and I wish you the best
and I pray for you, I do.
1442
01:05:35,057 --> 01:05:36,434
Is everything okay?
1443
01:05:36,926 --> 01:05:40,237
Actually, no. Ricky's being kind of a dick.
1444
01:05:40,363 --> 01:05:42,502
- Why don't you defend me, Noah?
- BOTH: What?
1445
01:05:42,598 --> 01:05:44,544
Yeah. You're being a real dick!
1446
01:05:44,634 --> 01:05:46,238
Defend me! You're being mean!
1447
01:05:46,369 --> 01:05:48,542
What are you talking about?
I've been nothing but cool to you, man.
1448
01:05:48,638 --> 01:05:50,117
Okay. She's drunk.
1449
01:05:50,239 --> 01:05:52,845
There's a misunderstanding happening.
Why don't we all just relax?
1450
01:05:52,942 --> 01:05:54,114
(MOUTHING)
1451
01:05:54,243 --> 01:05:56,086
No offense, bro, but who are you?
1452
01:05:56,212 --> 01:05:58,886
- I'm Noah. We're dating.
- MARISA: He's my friend.
1453
01:05:58,981 --> 01:06:00,756
We're in a relationship, okay?
1454
01:06:00,883 --> 01:06:02,885
Friendship relationship.
1455
01:06:02,985 --> 01:06:04,055
Well, good luck with that, bro,
1456
01:06:04,153 --> 01:06:06,292
'cause dealing with her
is a pretty big nightmare.
1457
01:06:06,389 --> 01:06:07,868
I don't envy you.
1458
01:06:07,957 --> 01:06:10,904
That is a terrible thing to say to somebody!
1459
01:06:11,561 --> 01:06:12,562
What?
1460
01:06:12,662 --> 01:06:16,109
Look, you hurt her feelings. Okay?
Just be nice.
1461
01:06:16,232 --> 01:06:18,109
What are you going to do about it, bro?
1462
01:06:18,935 --> 01:06:20,312
What?
1463
01:06:23,339 --> 01:06:24,374
What the hell was that?
1464
01:06:24,473 --> 01:06:27,943
A throat jab? I don't know.
I don't street-fight very often.
1465
01:06:30,012 --> 01:06:31,423
Shit! (GRUNTS)
1466
01:06:31,981 --> 01:06:33,756
I broke my ass!
1467
01:06:33,850 --> 01:06:36,296
(WHOOPS) You just got Fontained!
1468
01:06:36,986 --> 01:06:38,294
Are you okay, Noah?
1469
01:06:38,421 --> 01:06:39,798
Yeah.
1470
01:06:39,922 --> 01:06:42,732
Get out of here. I got it. I got this guy.
1471
01:06:42,825 --> 01:06:44,566
Right here. Right here.
1472
01:06:47,430 --> 01:06:48,841
- Noah!
-(CRYING OUT IN PAIN)
1473
01:06:48,931 --> 01:06:50,672
Oh, that's bad! Oh, my back!
1474
01:06:50,766 --> 01:06:51,836
What do we do?
1475
01:06:51,934 --> 01:06:53,914
Rodrigo! Flying Burrito!
1476
01:06:57,173 --> 01:06:59,016
Jesus! My ear!
1477
01:06:59,141 --> 01:07:00,677
Did I get him good?
1478
01:07:00,810 --> 01:07:02,448
Get off!
1479
01:07:02,545 --> 01:07:03,580
Hey. Ricky!
1480
01:07:07,149 --> 01:07:08,890
Double punch to the nut sack!
1481
01:07:08,985 --> 01:07:10,555
(GROANS)
1482
01:07:10,686 --> 01:07:12,666
Come on, Blithe! We gotta get out of here!
1483
01:07:14,056 --> 01:07:15,626
- Ricky? Are you okay?
- Listen, we gotta go right now.
1484
01:07:15,725 --> 01:07:17,295
Where's the party? I love parties.
1485
01:07:17,393 --> 01:07:19,373
- Oh, shit! We gotta go right now!
- Hey, what's up, party animal?
1486
01:07:19,462 --> 01:07:20,907
How you doing? Hey, man...
1487
01:07:20,997 --> 01:07:21,998
(GUN FIRES)
1488
01:07:22,131 --> 01:07:23,303
- Karl!
-(ALL SCREAMING)
1489
01:07:26,435 --> 01:07:27,505
(SCREAMING)
1490
01:07:27,670 --> 01:07:29,047
Come on, come on.
1491
01:07:29,138 --> 01:07:31,049
KARL: Who wants to party?
1492
01:07:31,507 --> 01:07:34,351
Anybody want to party? Let's party!
1493
01:07:35,978 --> 01:07:38,515
Back it up! Back it up!
1494
01:07:39,649 --> 01:07:40,889
What's up?
1495
01:07:40,983 --> 01:07:42,985
- Nobody wanna dance with me!
- Let's party!
1496
01:07:46,722 --> 01:07:49,225
Come on, you got it. Let's go. You got it.
1497
01:07:49,325 --> 01:07:50,702
I can't believe you're making me do this.
1498
01:07:52,561 --> 01:07:54,404
- Where are the kids?
- Who cares? Let's just go.
1499
01:07:54,497 --> 01:07:57,205
Please, I just want to go home with you.
I just want to get out of here.
1500
01:07:57,333 --> 01:07:59,643
What are you talking about?
They're my responsibility.
1501
01:07:59,735 --> 01:08:01,840
Who cares? I just want to get out of here!
1502
01:08:01,938 --> 01:08:03,349
NOAH: I care.
1503
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:07,380
- Hi.
- What the fuck? Hey, come on.
1504
01:08:07,510 --> 01:08:09,148
RODRIGO: Come here!
1505
01:08:09,245 --> 01:08:11,521
Go, go, go, go, go! Move!
1506
01:08:11,614 --> 01:08:14,424
- How'd you learn to hot-wire a car?
- RODRIGO: I know many things.
1507
01:08:14,550 --> 01:08:16,188
What is with all these kids?
1508
01:08:19,555 --> 01:08:21,228
What is that?
1509
01:08:21,357 --> 01:08:22,734
MARISA: it's Karl's gang.
1510
01:08:22,858 --> 01:08:23,836
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
1511
01:08:23,926 --> 01:08:26,167
Go! They gonna kill us!
1512
01:08:26,262 --> 01:08:27,639
-(SCREAMING)
- MARISA: Oh, my God!
1513
01:08:27,730 --> 01:08:29,209
Oh. my God!
1514
01:08:30,599 --> 01:08:31,942
Get off the car!
1515
01:08:32,068 --> 01:08:34,674
MARISA: Oh, my God!
Is that a man or a woman?
1516
01:08:34,770 --> 01:08:36,511
- RODRIGO: Go, Noah!
- Fucking drive, Noah!
1517
01:08:36,605 --> 01:08:38,209
Push the gas!
1518
01:08:49,318 --> 01:08:50,592
What the hell is going on?
1519
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:53,132
Next time, you use a bazooka
instead of a sledgehammer.
1520
01:08:53,255 --> 01:08:54,529
What are you, El DeBarge?
1521
01:08:54,623 --> 01:08:56,569
Let's go, come on, Jeremy!
1522
01:08:56,692 --> 01:08:58,171
- What the hell is this?
- Get out of the way!
1523
01:08:59,362 --> 01:09:02,206
Is there anyone in this car who can tell me
what the hell is going on here?
1524
01:09:02,298 --> 01:09:03,470
Noah, they're coming!
1525
01:09:03,566 --> 01:09:05,204
JULIO: Gonna kill yo ass, Noah Griffith!
1526
01:09:05,301 --> 01:09:08,282
- Coming to get you! Catch up!
- Fucking die! You die!
1527
01:09:08,404 --> 01:09:09,974
All right, kids, fasten your seat belts!
1528
01:09:16,412 --> 01:09:17,413
They're going to kill us!
1529
01:09:18,347 --> 01:09:19,348
(KARL AND JULIO SCREAMING)
1530
01:09:21,617 --> 01:09:22,652
JULIO: Watch this. Watch this.
1531
01:09:23,753 --> 01:09:25,323
(ALL SCREAMING)
1532
01:09:25,421 --> 01:09:26,491
ls everyone okay?
1533
01:09:26,622 --> 01:09:28,101
I'm scared, Noah!
1534
01:09:28,190 --> 01:09:29,931
Noah, stall them! I have an idea!
1535
01:09:30,026 --> 01:09:31,437
Roll down the window!
1536
01:09:31,527 --> 01:09:34,474
I have your money!
I just want to be your friend!
1537
01:09:34,597 --> 01:09:37,806
Are you serious? You've been really
wishy-washy about the whole thing.
1538
01:09:37,933 --> 01:09:40,140
No, I know! I've been
going through my own personal situation!
1539
01:09:40,269 --> 01:09:42,681
It's really scary
entering into a new friendship!
1540
01:09:42,805 --> 01:09:44,512
I just don't want to deal with
a broken heart.
1541
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:46,847
Maybe I don't want to befriends!
How's that?
1542
01:09:46,976 --> 01:09:49,286
He really wants to be your friend, Karl!
1543
01:09:49,378 --> 01:09:51,517
NOAH: it's just I've been
burned in the past, bud!
1544
01:09:51,647 --> 01:09:53,490
KARL: Seriously?
NOAH: Kaboom!
1545
01:09:53,616 --> 01:09:54,651
Oh, shit!
1546
01:09:55,785 --> 01:09:57,025
(JULIO SCREAMING
IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
1547
01:09:57,119 --> 01:09:58,530
(KARL YELLING)
1548
01:09:58,654 --> 01:10:00,327
KARL: Shit! Hold the wheel straight!
1549
01:10:01,957 --> 01:10:03,265
- Wait, wait!
-(SCREAMING)
1550
01:10:03,926 --> 01:10:05,098
JULIO: Oh, shit!
1551
01:10:07,696 --> 01:10:09,676
Yes! Nice!
1552
01:10:10,633 --> 01:10:12,613
Whoa! Shit! (SCREAMING)
1553
01:10:18,307 --> 01:10:19,308
Are you guys okay?
1554
01:10:19,408 --> 01:10:21,854
No. I'm not okay. We just crashed the car.
1555
01:10:22,044 --> 01:10:23,523
What just happened?
1556
01:10:23,646 --> 01:10:25,785
Wait, so did you get the coke?
1557
01:10:26,382 --> 01:10:28,885
KARL: Kids, kids, kids. I love kids.
1558
01:10:29,018 --> 01:10:30,520
How you doing, Noah Griffith?
1559
01:10:30,653 --> 01:10:32,496
Hey, Karl, why you got to be so crazy, man?
1560
01:10:32,588 --> 01:10:33,794
Hey, man, I'm crazy.
1561
01:10:33,889 --> 01:10:35,061
(WHISPERING) That's a gun.
1562
01:10:35,157 --> 01:10:37,535
Marisa, why don't you do me a favor?
Take these kids and go home.
1563
01:10:37,626 --> 01:10:39,970
I'm going to have an adult conversation
with the babysitter.
1564
01:10:40,062 --> 01:10:42,508
Look, I know you guys want to
stay with me, it's your instinct,
1565
01:10:42,598 --> 01:10:46,341
but you have to fend for yourself.
1566
01:10:48,571 --> 01:10:50,517
KARL: Oh, you're all alone now, huh?
1567
01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:52,012
(YELLS)
1568
01:10:52,108 --> 01:10:53,246
Hurts, don't it?
1569
01:10:53,342 --> 01:10:55,754
Yeah. I got a little boo-boo myself.
1570
01:10:59,582 --> 01:11:01,357
- You're mean!
- Noah Griffith!
1571
01:11:01,684 --> 01:11:02,992
(FIRES)
1572
01:11:03,119 --> 01:11:04,723
(GUN CLICKS)
1573
01:11:04,920 --> 01:11:07,901
You got mud in my gun, Noah Griffith!
1574
01:11:08,023 --> 01:11:10,765
My 11th best friend gave me this gun!
1575
01:11:11,427 --> 01:11:13,373
Marisa, wait! Did you hear that?
1576
01:11:14,763 --> 01:11:16,709
No, I didn't hear anything.
1577
01:11:16,799 --> 01:11:18,836
It's your very childlike
and vivid imagination.
1578
01:11:18,934 --> 01:11:21,175
- Noah might be hurt!
- That's a pistols.
1579
01:11:21,270 --> 01:11:22,408
What if he needs us?
1580
01:11:22,538 --> 01:11:25,280
He's not in trouble. He's hugging it out
with Karl in the minivan.
1581
01:11:39,755 --> 01:11:43,828
I just need to get out of here.
Thanks to you guys, my night is ruined!
1582
01:11:43,926 --> 01:11:46,566
I was having a really fun night
before you showed up! Taxi!
1583
01:11:46,662 --> 01:11:48,073
We were supposed to have a fun night, too!
1584
01:11:48,164 --> 01:11:50,667
You are the reason
that we are even in this situation!
1585
01:11:50,766 --> 01:11:53,474
(SOBBING) Okay, fine! I'm a terrible person.
1586
01:11:53,569 --> 01:11:55,981
Okay? I admit it,
I could be a lot better in this situation,
1587
01:11:56,071 --> 01:11:59,280
but I'm just feeling really overwhelmed.
I don't know what's going on.
1588
01:11:59,375 --> 01:12:02,356
I'm stuck with these three kids
and I hate kids,
1589
01:12:02,444 --> 01:12:04,253
and I just don't know what to do!
1590
01:12:04,346 --> 01:12:06,622
Marisa? Stop being such a spaz.
1591
01:12:06,749 --> 01:12:09,059
Give me your phone. I've got an idea.
1592
01:12:09,151 --> 01:12:10,721
Noah Griffith!
1593
01:12:10,819 --> 01:12:13,823
Yes! Where you at, babycakes?
1594
01:12:14,657 --> 01:12:16,227
Where you at?
1595
01:12:16,659 --> 01:12:18,570
I see you, Noah Griffith.
1596
01:12:19,828 --> 01:12:21,000
Yes!
1597
01:12:23,032 --> 01:12:24,409
Noah Griffith?
1598
01:12:25,334 --> 01:12:27,109
Good game!
1599
01:12:27,436 --> 01:12:31,942
(WHOOPS) You passed the test!
Passed the prank! Passed the car chase.
1600
01:12:32,041 --> 01:12:33,520
You're in the club, player!
1601
01:12:34,510 --> 01:12:36,649
Surprise!
1602
01:12:36,779 --> 01:12:39,658
- Stay back! Back up!
- Whoa! Okay. Chill out.
1603
01:12:39,782 --> 01:12:42,262
Listen to me. I don't have your money.
1604
01:12:42,351 --> 01:12:45,264
And I'm going to stop risking my life
to get it for you.
1605
01:12:45,354 --> 01:12:49,200
Rodrigo took an egg from your house.
It exploded, it's gone, I'm sorry.
1606
01:12:49,325 --> 01:12:50,963
What do you think this is, a game?
1607
01:12:51,060 --> 01:12:53,939
You don't fuck with a drug dealer.
Are you out of your mind?
1608
01:12:54,029 --> 01:12:55,770
You owe me money!
1609
01:12:55,864 --> 01:12:57,537
I got a call from a little lady
1610
01:12:57,666 --> 01:13:00,010
said there was some trouble
brewing in the park tonight.
1611
01:13:00,135 --> 01:13:01,273
Lookit here.
1612
01:13:01,370 --> 01:13:02,974
TINA: Oh, shit.
1613
01:13:03,072 --> 01:13:05,712
What's going down on the playground?
What up, Noah?
1614
01:13:05,841 --> 01:13:07,218
What are you guys doing here?
1615
01:13:07,343 --> 01:13:10,449
Told you, we'd be around. What y'all up to?
1616
01:13:10,546 --> 01:13:12,685
This guy, he's crazy. He's trying to kill me!
1617
01:13:12,815 --> 01:13:14,226
He's trying to kill the kids I'm babysitting.
1618
01:13:14,350 --> 01:13:15,852
He's nuts! He's out of his mind.
1619
01:13:15,985 --> 01:13:17,521
TINA: Who? This stinky bitch?
NOAH: Yes.
1620
01:13:17,653 --> 01:13:21,157
TINA: Let me find out you out here
trying to punk on our boy Noah?
1621
01:13:21,257 --> 01:13:24,864
Fuck is wrong with you?
You don't know who you're messing with.
1622
01:13:24,994 --> 01:13:28,407
- He's one misunderstood motherfucker.
- MAN: Sure you right.
1623
01:13:28,530 --> 01:13:30,532
But I got your back now, Noah.
1624
01:13:30,666 --> 01:13:33,340
'Cause I found out
you got some big-ass balls, man.
1625
01:13:33,802 --> 01:13:35,941
Can't buy underwear. Balls don't fit.
1626
01:13:36,038 --> 01:13:38,143
TINA: You done messed
with the wrong babysitter.
1627
01:13:38,240 --> 01:13:40,720
You so sexy when you talk gangsta.
1628
01:13:41,410 --> 01:13:42,980
Look here, Noah.
1629
01:13:43,078 --> 01:13:45,217
Why don't you take them little kids home?
1630
01:13:45,347 --> 01:13:47,554
We gonna handle this situation here.
1631
01:13:47,683 --> 01:13:51,426
Thank you, guys, so much.
Soul Baby, text you.
1632
01:13:51,553 --> 01:13:53,464
Make love to the night, motherfucker.
1633
01:13:53,555 --> 01:13:56,866
Noah Griffith! Where are you going?
I'm not done with you!
1634
01:13:57,760 --> 01:14:00,172
You think your friends
are gonna bail you out of this?
1635
01:14:00,262 --> 01:14:02,765
Listen, I'm in a real bad mood.
I don't want to hurt you motherfuckers.
1636
01:14:02,898 --> 01:14:04,206
-(TINA LAUGHING)
- What's up, candy man?
1637
01:14:04,300 --> 01:14:05,836
We're gonna get up in it, boy.
1638
01:14:05,934 --> 01:14:08,437
Put a quarter in my butt.
Let's get this fight farted. Let's go.
1639
01:14:11,774 --> 01:14:13,117
Motherfuckers!
1640
01:14:14,443 --> 01:14:15,683
KARL: Ahh! My nuts!
1641
01:14:16,011 --> 01:14:18,013
(SQUEALING)
1642
01:14:21,450 --> 01:14:22,929
(SCREAMS) Taxi!
1643
01:14:25,321 --> 01:14:26,629
I need a cab, man!
1644
01:14:26,722 --> 01:14:30,397
- Hey, man, your nuts are on fire!
- I know my nuts are on fire!
1645
01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:32,971
That's how your mama like it!
1646
01:14:33,495 --> 01:14:34,803
BLITHE: Noah!
MARISA: Are you okay?
1647
01:14:34,897 --> 01:14:36,843
Yeah, it's too crazy to explain.
We gotta go!
1648
01:14:36,932 --> 01:14:39,139
MARISA: What happened?
SLATER: Was that a real gun?
1649
01:14:41,904 --> 01:14:43,611
(SOMETIMES PLAYING)
1650
01:14:43,706 --> 01:14:46,619
Let me tell you about my day
1651
01:14:46,709 --> 01:14:49,280
It's such a very long day
1652
01:14:49,378 --> 01:14:51,949
It started around 7:00
1653
01:14:52,047 --> 01:14:54,186
And I can hear her pray
1654
01:14:54,316 --> 01:14:57,695
As I walk through the yard
1655
01:14:57,820 --> 01:14:59,959
I could feel your presence
1656
01:15:00,055 --> 01:15:02,399
Giving me the time of my life
1657
01:15:02,524 --> 01:15:04,504
And showering me with life lessons
1658
01:15:04,593 --> 01:15:07,005
Now {know what they mean
1659
01:15:07,096 --> 01:15:10,043
When they said keep your head to the sky
1660
01:15:10,165 --> 01:15:12,372
Dan 't be too quick to fit in
1661
01:15:12,501 --> 01:15:14,913
And don't feel you have to try
1662
01:15:15,037 --> 01:15:18,849
This road is strange, so strange it is
1663
01:15:19,908 --> 01:15:22,149
You know it really hurts inside
1664
01:15:22,244 --> 01:15:24,053
Yeah, sometimes
1665
01:15:29,017 --> 01:15:30,428
We're here.
1666
01:15:31,854 --> 01:15:33,424
We're here.
1667
01:15:36,859 --> 01:15:39,237
You must think I'm such a bitch.
1668
01:15:41,697 --> 01:15:44,837
You shouldn't waste your feelings
on people who don't value them.
1669
01:15:48,003 --> 01:15:49,209
You're right.
1670
01:15:49,338 --> 01:15:51,545
- I haven't been cool to you.
- I know.
1671
01:15:51,673 --> 01:15:54,711
You haven't. And I'm over it, too.
1672
01:15:59,314 --> 01:16:00,816
Take care of yourself, Marisa. All right?
1673
01:16:12,561 --> 01:16:14,905
Your girlfriend sucks.
1674
01:16:15,030 --> 01:16:16,566
Yes, she does.
1675
01:16:16,698 --> 01:16:19,008
Indeed she does.
1676
01:16:20,002 --> 01:16:21,481
Blithe, I want to show you something.
1677
01:16:22,671 --> 01:16:24,514
Just because you
try and look more grown up,
1678
01:16:24,606 --> 01:16:29,555
or try and act like a celebrity,
or a famous person or whatever,
1679
01:16:29,678 --> 01:16:31,419
it's not gonna get you more friends.
1680
01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:33,525
You're a kid.
1681
01:16:33,615 --> 01:16:35,253
And a pretty great one.
1682
01:16:39,855 --> 01:16:42,563
Wipe that shit off your face.
You look insane, okay?
1683
01:16:42,691 --> 01:16:43,863
Okay.
1684
01:16:48,030 --> 01:16:50,237
You know what "blithe" means?
1685
01:16:50,365 --> 01:16:52,174
What?
1686
01:16:52,267 --> 01:16:53,871
It means "joyous."
1687
01:16:59,908 --> 01:17:02,184
You know what "late" means?
1688
01:17:02,744 --> 01:17:03,916
- What?
-"Late,"
1689
01:17:04,046 --> 01:17:06,617
as in fucked, as in we were
all supposed to be in bed by 1:00
1690
01:17:06,748 --> 01:17:07,954
and it's already 10 after.
1691
01:17:08,083 --> 01:17:09,528
Son of a bitch!
1692
01:17:12,955 --> 01:17:15,959
All right, looks like we beat them home.
Let's go inside. Hustle.
1693
01:17:16,358 --> 01:17:17,701
(FAST MUSIC PLAYING)
1694
01:17:36,011 --> 01:17:37,319
Rodrigo!
1695
01:17:42,484 --> 01:17:43,792
Rodrigo!
1696
01:17:44,820 --> 01:17:46,299
HEY! YOU guys see Rodrigo?
1697
01:17:46,421 --> 01:17:47,900
Hula, Rodrigo!
1698
01:17:47,990 --> 01:17:50,300
Rodrigo! Rodrigo!
1699
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:53,239
Whoa. Weird.
1700
01:17:53,328 --> 01:17:55,239
That's the most messed up thing
we've seen all night.
1701
01:18:02,371 --> 01:18:03,611
Noah, they're here!
1702
01:18:04,006 --> 01:18:05,781
Okay! Everyone on the couch! Let's go.
1703
01:18:05,874 --> 01:18:07,410
Let's go! Get on the couch. Come on!
1704
01:18:09,845 --> 01:18:11,586
The MMA world is abuzz tonight
1705
01:18:11,680 --> 01:18:14,024
with the news of a brutal out-of-the-ring assault.
1706
01:18:14,116 --> 01:18:17,928
on local hero and pro kickboxing legend
Ricky Fontaine.
1707
01:18:18,020 --> 01:18:21,331
Witnesses at the Brooklyn house party
where the assault took place
1708
01:18:21,456 --> 01:18:26,269
described his attacker as a young man,
accompanied by three small children.
1709
01:18:26,361 --> 01:18:27,840
-(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
- In another story,
1710
01:18:27,963 --> 01:18:31,103
two small New York businesses
experienced bizarre bathroom explosions
1711
01:18:31,199 --> 01:18:33,304
- Hello.
- Hey, guys!
1712
01:18:33,402 --> 01:18:34,437
Hi. What?
1713
01:18:34,536 --> 01:18:36,743
Hey! Welcome back!
1714
01:18:37,673 --> 01:18:39,448
What's going on?
It's after 1:00 in the morning.
1715
01:18:39,541 --> 01:18:41,521
These kids should be in bed already, Noah.
1716
01:18:41,610 --> 01:18:45,615
- Mom, it's not his fault.
- Yeah. We told him our bedtime was 1:30.
1717
01:18:45,714 --> 01:18:49,389
I turned the clock back. So sorry.
My deepest apologies.
1718
01:18:50,018 --> 01:18:51,224
NOAH: You darn kids!
1719
01:18:51,320 --> 01:18:53,231
Played a trick on me, these little rascals.
1720
01:18:53,355 --> 01:18:54,561
I'm not buying it.
1721
01:18:54,690 --> 01:18:57,330
Everybody, upstairs. Bed! Now.
1722
01:18:57,426 --> 01:18:59,531
- Go brush your teeth.
- BLITHE: Sorry, Mom.
1723
01:18:59,661 --> 01:19:01,572
(SIGHS) And say good night to Noah.
1724
01:19:01,697 --> 01:19:04,007
Maybe he'll be nice enough
to come back and babysit again.
1725
01:19:04,099 --> 01:19:05,476
KIDS: Night, Noah.
1726
01:19:05,567 --> 01:19:06,637
Night, guys.
1727
01:19:06,735 --> 01:19:08,180
And Peter has your money, okay?
1728
01:19:08,270 --> 01:19:09,408
Cool, thanks.
1729
01:19:09,538 --> 01:19:10,642
Oh, Noah!
1730
01:19:10,739 --> 01:19:13,151
Your mom told me to tell you
not to wait up for her.
1731
01:19:13,241 --> 01:19:16,415
She and that guy that I set her up with,
Dr. Stevens, went out to have a nightcap.
1732
01:19:16,511 --> 01:19:19,685
Let me tell you, I think
she was having a really good time.
1733
01:19:19,781 --> 01:19:21,055
Thanks for hooking that up.
1734
01:19:21,183 --> 01:19:23,424
- Thanks for babysitting.
- See you next time.
1735
01:19:26,521 --> 01:19:28,694
I trust the kids weren't too much trouble.
1736
01:19:28,790 --> 01:19:30,497
You got three great ones.
1737
01:19:30,592 --> 01:19:32,003
Hey...
1738
01:19:32,094 --> 01:19:33,539
(SIGHING) You want a recommendation?
1739
01:19:33,629 --> 01:19:35,199
Here's my advice.
1740
01:19:36,565 --> 01:19:38,101
Get your shit together.
1741
01:19:39,434 --> 01:19:41,004
You're right.
1742
01:19:41,103 --> 01:19:43,743
Maybe I do have some stuff
I need to work on.
1743
01:19:43,872 --> 01:19:48,014
But the last person on Earth I need
to take advice from is you, sir.
1744
01:19:48,110 --> 01:19:49,851
Excuse me?
1745
01:19:50,278 --> 01:19:53,623
You're banging your assistant, Debra,
and you're going to stop.
1746
01:19:53,715 --> 01:19:54,887
Do you understand me?
1747
01:19:54,983 --> 01:19:57,793
I would be very careful how you talk to me.
1748
01:19:57,919 --> 01:20:00,399
You'd better be very careful
how you talk to me.
1749
01:20:00,489 --> 01:20:03,197
Because I'm going to be at home
with nothing going on.
1750
01:20:03,291 --> 01:20:05,635
And I'm going to have one eye
on my three friends up there
1751
01:20:05,761 --> 01:20:09,573
and the other eye right on you.
1752
01:20:09,665 --> 01:20:11,736
I just want you
to get your act together, Doc.
1753
01:20:12,601 --> 01:20:14,046
(SOFTLY) Fucking...
1754
01:20:14,636 --> 01:20:17,242
One more thing. Your wife's smoking hot.
1755
01:20:17,339 --> 01:20:20,047
You need to get rid of Debra
and focus on tapping that ass.
1756
01:20:22,844 --> 01:20:25,586
And there may be a scratch or two
on your minivan!
1757
01:20:40,896 --> 01:20:41,931
(CAR HONKING)
1758
01:20:42,030 --> 01:20:43,441
Hey, stranger!
1759
01:20:44,032 --> 01:20:45,443
Need a ride?
1760
01:20:52,941 --> 01:20:54,852
- Hey, Roxanne. What's up?
- Hey.
1761
01:20:54,976 --> 01:20:56,148
How'd you find me?
1762
01:20:56,278 --> 01:21:00,249
Oh, this little gizmo kept beeping,
so I followed it to find you.
1763
01:21:00,348 --> 01:21:02,453
Which is a little creepy
now that I think about it.
1764
01:21:03,485 --> 01:21:05,328
That's okay. Thank you for stalking me.
1765
01:21:05,687 --> 01:21:07,132
-(BOTH CHUCKLING)
-(MOBILE RINGING)
1766
01:21:07,289 --> 01:21:08,666
Shit.
1767
01:21:09,791 --> 01:21:11,998
Oh. Let me guess. Your girlfriend again?
1768
01:21:12,127 --> 01:21:13,435
No.
1769
01:21:13,528 --> 01:21:14,939
We broke up.
1770
01:21:15,030 --> 01:21:17,442
Oh. And you're just fine? You seem fine.
1771
01:21:17,532 --> 01:21:19,443
Yeah, no, I'm great.
1772
01:21:19,534 --> 01:21:23,846
She's in hysterics, but she'll be cool,
eventually. She'll move on.
1773
01:21:24,372 --> 01:21:27,842
Listen, I'm a free bird. I got to fly. (CAWS)
1774
01:21:27,976 --> 01:21:29,785
Right.
1775
01:21:29,878 --> 01:21:31,687
- I don't know why I said that.
-(LAUGHS)
1776
01:21:32,047 --> 01:21:33,253
(MOBILE RINGING)
1777
01:21:33,415 --> 01:21:36,487
- Do you need to get that?
-It's my dad, actually.
1778
01:21:37,319 --> 01:21:39,230
I think I'm gonna
let this one go to voice mail.
1779
01:21:39,354 --> 01:21:40,799
Great.
1780
01:21:40,889 --> 01:21:43,369
I have an idea. Why don't we ditch the car?
1781
01:21:44,826 --> 01:21:45,964
It's a nice night for a walk.
1782
01:21:46,561 --> 01:21:48,632
Okay. Sure.
1783
01:21:49,698 --> 01:21:50,733
Cool.
1784
01:22:00,742 --> 01:22:03,382
- Looks like you had a rough night.
- Yeah.
1785
01:22:03,512 --> 01:22:08,154
But like a wise man once told me,
"Make love to the night, motherfucker.
1786
01:22:08,250 --> 01:22:09,320
"Make love to the night."
1787
01:22:09,417 --> 01:22:10,418
(ROXANNE LAUGHING)
1788
01:22:10,519 --> 01:22:13,363
Have you ever met a girl
that you tried to date
1789
01:22:13,455 --> 01:22:16,334
But a year, to make lave
She wanted you to wait
1790
01:22:16,424 --> 01:22:18,802
Let me tell ya a story of my situation
1791
01:22:18,894 --> 01:22:22,034
I was talkin ' to this girl from the U.S. nation
1792
01:22:22,130 --> 01:22:24,770
The way that I met her
was on tour at a concert
1793
01:22:24,866 --> 01:22:27,472
She had really long hair
and a short miniskirt
1794
01:22:27,569 --> 01:22:30,277
I just got onstage
drippin', pourin' with sweat
1795
01:22:30,372 --> 01:22:33,148
I was walkin ' through the crowd
and guess who I met
1796
01:22:33,241 --> 01:22:35,847
I whispered in her ear
Come to the picture booth
1797
01:22:35,944 --> 01:22:38,891
So I can ask you some questions
to see if you are a hundred proof
1798
01:22:38,980 --> 01:22:41,517
I asked her her name
She said blah-blah-blah
1799
01:22:41,616 --> 01:22:44,597
She had 9/10 pants
and a very big bra
1800
01:22:44,686 --> 01:22:47,292
I took a couple of flicks
and she was enthused
1801
01:22:47,389 --> 01:22:48,493
I said, how do you like the show?
1802
01:22:48,590 --> 01:22:50,365
She said, I was very amused
1803
01:22:50,458 --> 01:22:53,098
I started throwin' bass
She started throwin' back mid-range
1804
01:22:53,195 --> 01:22:55,903
But when I sprung the question
She acted kind of strange
1805
01:22:55,997 --> 01:22:59,103
'Cause when l asked, Do you have a man?
She tried to pretend
1806
01:22:59,201 --> 01:23:03,013
She said, no, I don't I only have a friend
1807
01:23:03,104 --> 01:23:05,084
You must be buggin '
1808
01:23:05,173 --> 01:23:06,880
This is what I'm gonna sing
1809
01:23:07,576 --> 01:23:12,548
You, you got what I need
1810
01:23:12,647 --> 01:23:15,560
But you say he '5 just a friend
1811
01:23:15,650 --> 01:23:19,154
And you say he's just a friend
Oh, baby
1812
01:23:19,254 --> 01:23:23,862
You got what I need
1813
01:23:24,326 --> 01:23:27,068
But you say he '5 just a friend
1814
01:23:27,162 --> 01:23:30,632
But you say he '5 just a friend
Oh, baby
1815
01:23:30,732 --> 01:23:35,374
You got what I need
1816
01:23:35,470 --> 01:23:38,280
But you say he '5 just a friend
1817
01:23:38,373 --> 01:23:41,377
But you say he '5 just a friend
1818
01:23:41,476 --> 01:23:43,922
So please listen to the message that I say
1819
01:23:44,012 --> 01:23:47,016
Don't ever talk to a girl
who says she just has a friend
1820
01:23:47,115 --> 01:23:49,618
Has a friend
1821
01:23:55,657 --> 01:23:56,658
Yeah
1822
01:23:56,758 --> 01:23:58,260
Premier and Slick Hick, kid
1823
01:24:00,161 --> 01:24:01,606
Jonah Hill
1824
01:24:01,696 --> 01:24:03,039
Yeah, kid, check it out
1825
01:24:03,131 --> 01:24:05,077
Good gosh
The world's so bad
1826
01:24:05,166 --> 01:24:06,873
It's trying to drive me, a sane man, mad
1827
01:24:07,769 --> 01:24:10,181
Great gosh
I need some bad
1828
01:24:10,272 --> 01:24:12,081
'Bout to drive me, a sane man, mad
1829
01:24:12,574 --> 01:24:14,986
Are you peeping this floozy
Or queens, excuse me
1830
01:24:15,076 --> 01:24:17,682
Can 't believe haw many times
I had to eat the chick '5 sushi
1831
01:24:17,779 --> 01:24:18,757
Who she?
1832
01:24:18,847 --> 01:24:20,326
Look at haw a brother gotta roll
1833
01:24:20,415 --> 01:24:22,622
All cold, kid
Anyway truth being told
1834
01:24:22,717 --> 01:24:25,220
Fit boy too big
Which one you pick
1835
01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:28,028
Rico suave or chick one, two kid
1836
01:24:28,123 --> 01:24:30,194
Once I was born in this thick
1837
01:24:30,292 --> 01:24:32,431
Why I gotta deal with this horniness tip
1838
01:24:32,527 --> 01:24:34,905
This, not enough flair
This, la ck a lat wares
1839
01:24:35,030 --> 01:24:37,670
Got her holding my tears
Trying to act like who cares
1840
01:24:37,766 --> 01:24:40,076
Reaching, if I say
I see kids in the mix
1841
01:24:40,168 --> 01:24:42,648
Wanna cuddle
Go out something, trick with the chick
1842
01:24:42,737 --> 01:24:43,943
You know what l'm saying, kid
1843
01:24:44,039 --> 01:24:47,680
'Cause it's so bad
Trying to drive me, a sane man, mad
1844
01:24:48,877 --> 01:24:51,824
I need some bad
'Bout to drive me, a sane man, mad
1845
01:24:52,714 --> 01:24:54,716
Good gosh the world's so bad
1846
01:24:54,816 --> 01:24:57,626
It's trying to drive me, a sane man, mad
1847
01:24:57,719 --> 01:24:59,926
Great gosh I need some bad
1848
01:25:00,021 --> 01:25:02,433
'Bout to drive me, a sane man, mad
1849
01:25:02,557 --> 01:25:05,060
I want you, munch too
Cam es to bun, haw long do
1850
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:07,731
Ma duke caught the kid
masturbating once too
1851
01:25:07,829 --> 01:25:10,070
Passed, looked stunned, kept an like
1852
01:25:10,165 --> 01:25:12,509
Don't you have
a steady piece to smash yet, son?
1853
01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:14,910
What to do, Mom
None touching dude '5 joint
1854
01:25:15,003 --> 01:25:17,540
Like to see me out here
buying some prostitute '5 bum?
1855
01:25:17,639 --> 01:25:18,617
No?
1856
01:25:18,707 --> 01:25:20,983
Picking up scroin, cop pursuing
1857
01:25:21,076 --> 01:25:22,783
From the stripper club hair doing
1858
01:25:22,877 --> 01:25:24,948
Then laughed and none but wise after
1859
01:25:25,046 --> 01:25:27,822
Soul mate, more than sex, a live partner
1860
01:25:27,916 --> 01:25:29,520
Snatch can't get, cat frantic
1861
01:25:29,617 --> 01:25:32,723
So, in the meantime
stripper club, lap dance tip
1862
01:25:32,821 --> 01:25:34,926
A professional press box arouser
1863
01:25:35,023 --> 01:25:37,936
Some condoms so I don't
mess up me trousers
1864
01:25:38,026 --> 01:25:39,869
Then start paying, mark swaying
1865
01:25:39,961 --> 01:25:42,737
Girlfriend just sit down and start playing
1866
01:25:42,831 --> 01:25:44,640
Here '5 an extra, para ding the wealth
1867
01:25:44,733 --> 01:25:47,407
Dan 't want a real kid
feel like I'm degrading myself
1868
01:25:47,502 --> 01:25:49,539
Bouncing on me funny
Bouncing with my money
1869
01:25:49,637 --> 01:25:52,345
Or it's back to playing cat and mouse games
with the honey
1870
01:25:52,440 --> 01:25:53,441
You know what l mean, kid
1871
01:25:53,541 --> 01:25:57,182
Caught a script so bad
Trying to drive me, a sane man, mad
1872
01:25:57,278 --> 01:25:58,621
Say what, Slick Hick
1873
01:25:58,713 --> 01:26:02,320
I need some bad
'Bout to drive me, a sane man, mad
1874
01:26:02,417 --> 01:26:06,365
Good gosh the world's so bad
Trying to drive me, a sane man, mad
1875
01:26:06,454 --> 01:26:07,524
Jonah Hill, kid
1876
01:26:07,622 --> 01:26:12,435
Good gash, need some bad
About to drive me, a sane man...
1877
01:26:15,997 --> 01:26:17,533
I need some bad
1878
01:26:20,935 --> 01:26:22,141
I need some bad
1879
01:26:23,538 --> 01:26:27,315
I need some bad
I need some bad
1880
01:26:30,945 --> 01:26:32,253
I need some bad
1881
01:26:48,930 --> 01:26:49,908
English - US - SDH