1 00:00:17,838 --> 00:00:21,649 I believe in America. I believe we're the best. 2 00:00:22,178 --> 00:00:24,173 I believe we're number one. 3 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,003 And I don't want to apologize for that. 4 00:00:26,669 --> 00:00:28,605 My husband and I are survivors. 5 00:00:28,606 --> 00:00:31,907 We fought tooth and nail to get to where we are today. 6 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:34,676 How? The old-fashioned way: 7 00:00:34,677 --> 00:00:37,246 hard work and a can-do attitude. 8 00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:39,714 And here in the great state of Iowa no less, 9 00:00:39,715 --> 00:00:41,387 where all great battles begin. 10 00:00:43,387 --> 00:00:45,922 My name is Laura Dean Pickler 11 00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:47,691 and this is the cutthroat story 12 00:00:47,692 --> 00:00:51,298 of greed, blackmail, sex and butter. 13 00:00:56,268 --> 00:00:59,336 Bob? Bob Pickler? 14 00:00:59,337 --> 00:01:01,205 Bob Pickler, where are ya? 15 00:01:01,206 --> 00:01:02,707 Ah, there you are. Stand up for us, please. 16 00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:06,177 That's us. The Picklers. Bob and Laura. 17 00:01:06,178 --> 00:01:09,480 We were the royal family of butter carving. 18 00:01:09,481 --> 00:01:11,881 Oh, sure, laugh. But did you know more people 19 00:01:11,882 --> 00:01:14,352 saw the butter sculptures of the Iowa State Fair last year 20 00:01:14,353 --> 00:01:18,522 than went to the Super Bowl? No, of course you didn't. 21 00:01:18,523 --> 00:01:22,262 How could you, with the liberal media as biased as it is? 22 00:01:25,262 --> 00:01:27,264 Would you dim the lights, please? 23 00:01:27,265 --> 00:01:29,768 Sit down and watch this. 24 00:01:29,769 --> 00:01:35,607 Oh, I come to the Iowa State Fair every year and that's mainly because of Bob. 25 00:01:35,608 --> 00:01:39,344 Born into poverty in Battle Creek, Iowa in 1968, 26 00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:42,314 Bob Pickler found solace in his best friend, 27 00:01:42,316 --> 00:01:45,685 a young calf named Suki. 28 00:01:45,686 --> 00:01:49,355 But tragedy arrived when Bob was just eight years old. 29 00:01:49,356 --> 00:01:52,458 Suki was struck dead by lightning. 30 00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:55,595 Distraught, Bob carved a likeness of his beloved Suki 31 00:01:55,596 --> 00:01:59,765 with the only thing the Picklers had in the icebox... a block of butter. 32 00:01:59,766 --> 00:02:03,936 Even though his mother destroyed young Bob's first sculpture, 33 00:02:03,937 --> 00:02:06,572 Bob was bit by the butter-carving bug. 34 00:02:06,573 --> 00:02:09,307 He first entered the Mastery in Butter competition 35 00:02:09,308 --> 00:02:11,943 15 years ago, his lovely wife Laura 36 00:02:11,944 --> 00:02:14,480 encouraging him every step of the way. 37 00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:17,818 With a controversial, yet staggeringly elegant piece 38 00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:20,287 titled "Newt Gingrich on Horse." 39 00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,256 Hey, hon. What do you think? 40 00:02:22,257 --> 00:02:23,824 Look at Newt. 41 00:02:23,825 --> 00:02:26,693 Oh, it's great. How do you like my haircut? 42 00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:31,801 I'd better like it. It cost me 15 bucks. 43 00:02:33,802 --> 00:02:35,503 I'm worth it. 44 00:02:37,773 --> 00:02:39,741 Get over here. Aww! 45 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,809 Thus began his unprecedented winning streak 46 00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:45,946 that included the world-famous "T-Rex Eating Girl." 47 00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:50,851 - Well, back in '94... - It was '95. 48 00:02:50,852 --> 00:02:55,356 - Well, '94... - It was '95. 49 00:02:55,357 --> 00:02:59,726 OK. We'll call it '95. '94, actually, but... 50 00:02:59,727 --> 00:03:04,700 Bob comes out and reveals his piece. "Schindler's List." 51 00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:07,506 "Schindler's List!" 52 00:03:09,506 --> 00:03:11,540 - Here we go. - Sorry. 53 00:03:11,541 --> 00:03:13,977 It just made me cry. 54 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,879 And we're not even Jewish. 55 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,880 But no one could imagine the showstopper 56 00:03:18,881 --> 00:03:21,052 the boy from Battle Creek would pull out this year. 57 00:03:22,053 --> 00:03:24,787 A life-size replica of "The Last Supper" 58 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,990 that the Des Moines Register called "better than the original." 59 00:03:27,991 --> 00:03:31,494 I really think Bob and I could parlay this fame 60 00:03:31,495 --> 00:03:33,930 we have from butter into politics. 61 00:03:33,931 --> 00:03:37,400 I mean, don't be surprised if you see us in the Governor's mansion, 62 00:03:37,401 --> 00:03:39,638 or the White House. 63 00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,439 This is just the beginning. 64 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,910 Bob Pickler, ladies and gentlemen! 65 00:03:46,911 --> 00:03:49,349 Fifteen wonderful years! 66 00:03:51,349 --> 00:03:53,584 Butter was my world... 67 00:03:53,585 --> 00:03:56,122 ...until it all came crashing down. 68 00:03:58,122 --> 00:04:01,125 If you can believe it, the first time I saw Mrs. Pickler 69 00:04:01,126 --> 00:04:03,062 I actually wished she and Mr. Pickler would take me in. 70 00:04:04,062 --> 00:04:06,465 You know, of course the awards are wonderful. 71 00:04:06,466 --> 00:04:10,368 But what is most satisfying to me, and to Bob, 72 00:04:10,370 --> 00:04:12,739 is the attention we bring to our charity, Camp Butter. 73 00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:17,008 - Yes. - Where we help children with special needs. 74 00:04:17,009 --> 00:04:20,412 The foster people had just put me with a bunch of families 75 00:04:20,413 --> 00:04:23,614 and anyone had to be better than them. 76 00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:25,816 First was the Moores. 77 00:04:25,817 --> 00:04:28,553 They were home-schoolers, which always spells trouble. 78 00:04:28,554 --> 00:04:33,892 And then God cast down the angels 79 00:04:33,893 --> 00:04:35,795 and they fell to earth, 80 00:04:35,796 --> 00:04:40,570 which is where dinosaur bones come from. 81 00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:48,408 Next came Mrs. Carmichael. She was on pills. 82 00:04:48,409 --> 00:04:53,646 Just tell the doctor you've been anxious lately and you need Klonopin. 83 00:04:53,647 --> 00:04:56,047 OK. Klonopin. 84 00:04:56,048 --> 00:04:58,817 You're gonna be such a great daughter. 85 00:04:58,819 --> 00:05:03,157 - I liked her. - Stupid child-proof cap. 86 00:05:03,158 --> 00:05:04,991 She was always so calm. 87 00:05:04,992 --> 00:05:06,997 Here, you try. 88 00:05:08,997 --> 00:05:12,899 Too calm to run from the police, I guess. 89 00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,069 They're not mine! 90 00:05:15,069 --> 00:05:17,704 So after that came the Gundersons. 91 00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:19,139 They were old. 92 00:05:19,140 --> 00:05:22,643 The red button is for the ambulance. 93 00:05:22,644 --> 00:05:25,646 Tell her about the red button. 94 00:05:25,647 --> 00:05:29,884 So you can understand why I wasn't on to Mrs. Pickler's bull sooner. 95 00:05:29,885 --> 00:05:32,119 Plus, I was only ten at the time. 96 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,659 Now that I'm 11, I know the truth. 97 00:05:36,659 --> 00:05:39,764 White people are weirdos. 98 00:05:41,764 --> 00:05:44,532 Did they find my mom yet? 99 00:05:44,533 --> 00:05:46,934 Come on, sweetheart. It's late. 100 00:05:46,935 --> 00:05:49,647 Your room's still empty. 101 00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:52,734 Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET 102 00:05:59,648 --> 00:06:01,916 Thank you. 103 00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:04,869 "Pickin' Up The Pieces" 104 00:06:22,906 --> 00:06:24,110 Excuse me. 105 00:06:26,110 --> 00:06:27,093 Wow! 106 00:07:17,095 --> 00:07:19,864 Laura Dean Pickler! 107 00:07:19,865 --> 00:07:22,069 - Hi, Carol Ann Stevenson. - Hey, Carol Ann. 108 00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:25,971 Look at you, you look just amazing. 109 00:07:25,972 --> 00:07:28,640 It's brave of you to wear stirrup pants with your body type. 110 00:07:28,642 --> 00:07:31,276 Thank you. My pants keep riding up 111 00:07:31,277 --> 00:07:33,746 and I need to pull them down with my feet. 112 00:07:33,747 --> 00:07:35,314 They're hard to find, 113 00:07:35,315 --> 00:07:37,995 Ill say that, but I found 'em. 114 00:07:48,996 --> 00:07:51,130 Hey there. 115 00:07:51,131 --> 00:07:54,006 Can I have a look at that? 116 00:07:58,006 --> 00:07:59,674 Wow. 117 00:08:00,674 --> 00:08:02,610 You're good. 118 00:08:02,611 --> 00:08:04,046 Really good. 119 00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:06,779 A real natural. 120 00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:10,018 You're a quiet one, aren't ya? 121 00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:15,221 That's OK. So was John Wayne, so... 122 00:08:15,222 --> 00:08:16,960 Can I borrow this? 123 00:08:19,961 --> 00:08:22,998 Bob makes butter carving look so easy. 124 00:08:22,999 --> 00:08:25,833 I even think I could do it sometimes. 125 00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:28,806 Then I'm like, "Wake up, Carol Ann! You're in a dream!" 126 00:08:30,806 --> 00:08:33,843 That summer, they put me with Miss Jill and Mr. Ethan. 127 00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:38,381 They were the whitest people I'd ever met. 128 00:08:38,382 --> 00:08:41,416 I wasn't expecting to stay very long. 129 00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:44,786 These people always get cold feet. 130 00:08:44,787 --> 00:08:47,292 This will be your bedroom. 131 00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:51,761 It's pink. 132 00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:55,164 Yeah. I told her to go with green. 133 00:08:55,165 --> 00:08:57,436 No, it's pretty. 134 00:08:59,436 --> 00:09:01,904 - There's a TV? - Oh, yeah. 135 00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:04,940 It's not HD though, so, sorry. 136 00:09:04,942 --> 00:09:06,277 And no watching past eight. 137 00:09:06,278 --> 00:09:07,777 Is that what we said, eight? 138 00:09:07,778 --> 00:09:09,845 - No TV past nine. - Nine, right. 139 00:09:09,846 --> 00:09:11,947 Eight, what is this, prison? 140 00:09:11,948 --> 00:09:13,016 "Lights out!" 141 00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:18,389 Um... 142 00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:22,025 - Is there anything you need? - No. Thank you. 143 00:09:22,026 --> 00:09:23,928 What do you like to do for fun? Do you have hobbies? 144 00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:27,898 We can buy you some stuff, like books or a globe. 145 00:09:27,899 --> 00:09:30,168 I'm not really that good at anything. 146 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:34,971 Oh... What? That's crazy. Everybody's good at something. 147 00:09:34,972 --> 00:09:37,347 Not me. My last mom told me so. 148 00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:46,417 Well, you don't have to worry about stuff like that anymore, OK? 149 00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:49,419 - OK. - So if you need us, you know. 150 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:52,156 - We'll be out there. - Yeah. "Paging Mom and Dad." 151 00:09:53,891 --> 00:09:55,864 - OK. OK. - All right. 152 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:01,934 One, two, three, Camp Butter! 153 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:06,506 I've always said that your people are the small flashlights 154 00:10:06,507 --> 00:10:09,742 that help a dark world find its lost car keys. 155 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:13,378 - What? - Let's hear it for Camp Butter! 156 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:16,915 What can I do you for, Orval? 157 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:21,420 Look, the panel's been doing some talking, 158 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:25,824 and, uh... you've had a good run. 159 00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,392 Well, 15 years. 160 00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:28,828 You're a legend. 161 00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,396 You're in Parade Magazine. 162 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,165 You're the Elvis of butter. 163 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:37,402 But we just kinda feel like it's time... 164 00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:39,310 ...you gave somebody else a shot. 165 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,011 Uh-huh. 166 00:10:45,013 --> 00:10:48,282 We're prepared to offer you a spot at State. 167 00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:50,985 Um... you could be a judge. 168 00:10:50,986 --> 00:10:55,091 With me and Mary Alice and Carl Hudgens. 169 00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:59,462 - Carl Hudgens is a good guy. - He's a great guy. 170 00:11:00,462 --> 00:11:04,032 It's time to start giving back. 171 00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:06,500 You know, like Oprah does. 172 00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:09,303 Yeah, well, she's got that Angel Network. 173 00:11:09,304 --> 00:11:13,175 I just have one sort of delicate question. 174 00:11:13,176 --> 00:11:16,344 - Laura? - Laura. 175 00:11:16,345 --> 00:11:18,014 You know, I really think that Bob 176 00:11:18,015 --> 00:11:20,981 could be an excellent mayor. 177 00:11:20,982 --> 00:11:22,917 or even, or even governor. 178 00:11:22,918 --> 00:11:24,455 'Cause I know she's... 179 00:11:26,455 --> 00:11:29,957 ...she's very, uh... involved. 180 00:11:29,958 --> 00:11:32,060 Oh, she's fine. She'll be fine. 181 00:11:32,061 --> 00:11:34,096 Laura... 182 00:11:37,234 --> 00:11:40,236 These fuckers have no idea who they're dealing with. 183 00:11:40,237 --> 00:11:42,405 We're the motherfucking Picklers. 184 00:11:42,406 --> 00:11:44,975 Clearly Orval wanted you out of the way. 185 00:11:44,976 --> 00:11:47,378 I have always known what kind of man he was. 186 00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:50,112 I never thought he'd go this far. 187 00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:52,481 You know Orval is a good man. 188 00:11:52,482 --> 00:11:55,391 He has had it out for us from day one, Bob. 189 00:12:00,391 --> 00:12:01,991 I will call the governor. 190 00:12:01,992 --> 00:12:04,160 That's what I'll do. I'll call the governor. 191 00:12:04,161 --> 00:12:07,164 Or Jesus. I mean, don't you have his direct line? 192 00:12:07,165 --> 00:12:10,634 My constitutional rights are being violated and I will call the governor. 193 00:12:10,635 --> 00:12:13,002 The governor doesn't care, Laura. 194 00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,310 What did you say? 195 00:12:20,310 --> 00:12:23,357 The governor doesn't care. 196 00:12:31,358 --> 00:12:33,291 Whose side are you on, Bob? 197 00:12:33,292 --> 00:12:37,331 It's time to pass the baton, Laura. 198 00:12:38,331 --> 00:12:40,401 I need to start giving back. 199 00:12:41,401 --> 00:12:42,667 Like Oprah. 200 00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:45,945 How dare you bring Oprah into this? 201 00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:54,046 Kaitlen, sweetie. 202 00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:57,549 Could you please provide your father and me with some privacy? 203 00:12:57,550 --> 00:12:59,652 She can stay. 204 00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:01,561 Cover your balls, Dad. 205 00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:10,332 I see what happened here, Bob. 206 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,035 You didn't stand up for yourself, did you? 207 00:13:15,036 --> 00:13:17,304 That's what happened here. 208 00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:20,307 I think it'd show a real touch of class if we stepped down now. 209 00:13:20,308 --> 00:13:23,410 I guess Dad was right when he warned me against marrying someone 210 00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,380 whose biggest dream was to be the middle school principal. 211 00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:29,482 - What's that supposed to mean? - It just means maybe I should've taken his advice 212 00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,985 - and married Boyd Bolton. - Boyd Bolton? 213 00:13:31,986 --> 00:13:35,655 At least he inherited a successful car dealership. 214 00:13:35,656 --> 00:13:37,394 I am done. 215 00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:43,063 I doubt Boyd would just give up Bolton Supercenter at the drop of a hat, Bob. 216 00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:44,664 Laura, please. 217 00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:47,335 You get back here, Bob. 218 00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:50,406 If you won't stand up to them, then I will! 219 00:13:57,313 --> 00:13:58,746 Fucking freaks. 220 00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:31,247 I gotta ask you, you just turned down over a half a million dollars. 221 00:14:31,248 --> 00:14:34,383 I told her not to pick 22. 222 00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:47,464 Oh, shit! Tell her I'm not here. 223 00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:50,566 What? Who? What's going on? 224 00:14:50,568 --> 00:14:54,038 - Laura. Laura Pickler. - Oh, God. Here? 225 00:14:54,039 --> 00:14:55,640 - Tell her I'm fishing. - At night? 226 00:14:55,641 --> 00:14:57,475 Oh, God! Why is she here? 227 00:14:57,476 --> 00:15:00,244 - Orval! - What if she gets inside? 228 00:15:00,245 --> 00:15:03,581 - Orval! - Can you hear me? 229 00:15:03,582 --> 00:15:05,753 I hear you! 230 00:15:07,753 --> 00:15:10,455 - One is worth $200,000. - Yeah. 231 00:15:10,456 --> 00:15:13,457 One case is worth one million. 232 00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:19,663 Laura. 233 00:15:19,664 --> 00:15:22,267 How nice to see you. 234 00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:24,335 Where's Orval? 235 00:15:24,336 --> 00:15:26,143 He's in the shower. 236 00:15:31,144 --> 00:15:34,221 Maybe I can have him call you later. 237 00:15:41,222 --> 00:15:43,839 I'll wait. 238 00:15:57,839 --> 00:16:02,483 If you ask me, number 24 is too thin. 239 00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,650 Oh, I see how it is. 240 00:16:10,651 --> 00:16:12,553 He wants to play a game, does he? 241 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:15,356 Well, you tell Orval this isn't over. 242 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,349 That's what I'm talking about, baby! 243 00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:43,421 # Only love makes you kill # 244 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:49,291 # Breaks your legs breaks your will # 245 00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:55,200 # Pulls you up by the roots # 246 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:02,337 # Makes you fall down too # 247 00:17:02,338 --> 00:17:04,340 # Harder # 248 00:17:04,341 --> 00:17:05,642 # Deeper # 249 00:17:05,643 --> 00:17:07,943 # Faster # 250 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,612 # Harder # 251 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:10,814 # Deeper # 252 00:17:10,815 --> 00:17:12,218 # Faster # 253 00:17:14,218 --> 00:17:15,884 # Harder # 254 00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:17,220 # Deeper # 255 00:17:17,221 --> 00:17:18,923 # Faster # 256 00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:21,357 # Harder # 257 00:17:21,358 --> 00:17:22,560 # Deeper # 258 00:17:22,561 --> 00:17:24,498 # Faster # 259 00:17:26,498 --> 00:17:28,297 How are they gonna do it without me? 260 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,301 Who's gonna throw the Butter Brunch, Helen? 261 00:17:30,302 --> 00:17:32,702 Please. 262 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:36,272 And Camp Butter. It doesn't just organize itself. 263 00:17:36,273 --> 00:17:41,244 And to think, I was just about to donate all my past gala gowns to the state fair museum. 264 00:17:41,245 --> 00:17:43,279 Ohh. 265 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,651 I give so much. 266 00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:49,588 You're the only man who cares about me. 267 00:17:49,589 --> 00:17:52,857 That's not true. I'm sure there is plenty of men who like you. 268 00:17:52,858 --> 00:17:55,292 Your father cares about you, right? 269 00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:57,494 My father raped me. 270 00:17:57,495 --> 00:17:59,263 Oh, my God! 271 00:17:59,264 --> 00:18:03,300 I just... I need someone to take care of me. 272 00:18:03,301 --> 00:18:06,338 Someone who understands me, someone to love me. 273 00:18:06,339 --> 00:18:08,373 Not just someone to pay my rent 274 00:18:08,375 --> 00:18:12,645 which, by the way, comes out to $560 a month plus utilities. 275 00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:14,281 That's actually a really good deal. 276 00:18:14,282 --> 00:18:16,749 But listen, Tokyo Rose... 277 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:21,354 - What? What? - Oh, my. 278 00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:23,656 - What? - Tokyo Rose... 279 00:18:23,657 --> 00:18:27,395 Brooke. My real name's Brooke. 280 00:18:28,395 --> 00:18:29,628 Brooke. 281 00:18:29,629 --> 00:18:32,631 I think I love you. 282 00:18:32,632 --> 00:18:34,532 - Too soon? - No. 283 00:18:34,533 --> 00:18:37,737 Here we go, um... Here, I wanna give you... 284 00:18:37,738 --> 00:18:40,439 - Oh, no. - Yes. 285 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,877 Oh, I couldn't possibly accept this. 286 00:18:43,878 --> 00:18:45,579 No. 287 00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:48,618 Oh, that's a hundy. 288 00:18:50,618 --> 00:18:54,523 You are such a good person. 289 00:18:55,523 --> 00:18:57,960 Mmm. 290 00:18:59,961 --> 00:19:03,930 You just give and give and give, and others 291 00:19:03,931 --> 00:19:06,033 just take and take and take... 292 00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:08,572 Oh, fuck! 293 00:19:12,975 --> 00:19:17,881 But my strongest belief in life is that you should always take the high road. 294 00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:24,523 What the fuck?! 295 00:19:26,523 --> 00:19:28,890 She had tattoos, Bob. 296 00:19:28,891 --> 00:19:30,859 How long has this been going on? 297 00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:33,594 It's just the one time. Look. 298 00:19:33,595 --> 00:19:35,363 Oh! Sweet Jesus! 299 00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:38,499 You're not innocent in this whole thing, OK? 300 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,869 You're sleeping on the couch tonight. 301 00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:42,872 I sleep on the couch every night. 302 00:19:43,872 --> 00:19:48,710 If I were you... I'd get a good night's sleep. 303 00:19:48,712 --> 00:19:51,547 Because County is in a month and we got a lot of work to do. 304 00:19:51,548 --> 00:19:54,050 Laura, it's over. I'm not entering County. Orval and I agreed. 305 00:19:54,051 --> 00:19:56,686 We gotta get the butter, we gotta sharpen the trowels. 306 00:19:56,687 --> 00:20:00,056 We gotta check the cooling unit because the temperature thing's been all fucked up for ages. 307 00:20:00,057 --> 00:20:03,692 - We gotta... - Listen to me. I'm not competing this year. 308 00:20:03,693 --> 00:20:05,495 I know. 309 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,997 - I am. - What? 310 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,900 I'm competing. 311 00:20:09,901 --> 00:20:11,602 I'll win County. 312 00:20:11,603 --> 00:20:15,538 And after that I will bring back what is rightfully ours. 313 00:20:15,539 --> 00:20:17,442 And you're gonna help me. 314 00:20:18,442 --> 00:20:20,945 Good night. 315 00:20:20,946 --> 00:20:23,948 There's Advil in the kitchen for your penis. 316 00:20:23,949 --> 00:20:26,851 So I checked your schedule. You got Mr. Evans for History. 317 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,688 He's very, very old, so be patient. 318 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:34,691 I actually think he was around for most of the historical events that he covers. 319 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,894 Here we are. 320 00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:40,966 You'll be fine. 321 00:20:40,967 --> 00:20:42,801 I'll be in room 412 if you need me. 322 00:20:42,802 --> 00:20:44,435 Just a short walk away. 323 00:20:44,436 --> 00:20:46,573 - OK. - OK. 324 00:20:47,573 --> 00:20:48,746 Go get 'em. 325 00:20:53,746 --> 00:20:55,480 When you draw your tree, 326 00:20:55,481 --> 00:20:58,084 I want you to rid your conscious mind 327 00:20:58,085 --> 00:21:02,158 of any notion of what you think a tree should look like. 328 00:21:05,158 --> 00:21:08,560 Here. You can use mine. 329 00:21:08,561 --> 00:21:11,504 - I have two. - Thanks. 330 00:21:18,504 --> 00:21:20,472 You know black people? 331 00:21:20,473 --> 00:21:22,775 Yeah. 332 00:21:22,776 --> 00:21:25,778 Well, I wanted you to know 333 00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,647 I think they're real cool. 334 00:21:27,648 --> 00:21:29,155 Thanks. 335 00:21:35,155 --> 00:21:40,461 Destiny. I wanted to tell you how thrilled I am to have you in my class. 336 00:21:40,462 --> 00:21:42,797 You're a very talented artist. 337 00:21:42,798 --> 00:21:44,169 I'm not really that good. 338 00:21:48,169 --> 00:21:50,846 We expect big things from you. 339 00:21:56,846 --> 00:22:01,182 My new foster parents and everyone at my new school were so nice, 340 00:22:01,183 --> 00:22:04,125 that I couldn't help but think, are these crackers for real? 341 00:22:10,125 --> 00:22:14,028 You know how you guys asked if I needed anything a while back? 342 00:22:14,029 --> 00:22:15,864 Mm-hmm. Shoot. 343 00:22:15,866 --> 00:22:17,703 You don't have butter. 344 00:22:19,703 --> 00:22:23,806 Thank you. I know. It's Jill. 345 00:22:23,807 --> 00:22:27,243 Believe me, she means well. You know, she used to be worse. 346 00:22:27,244 --> 00:22:30,146 She used to buy this fake meat called seitan. 347 00:22:30,147 --> 00:22:33,250 - Like the devil? - Exactly like the devil. 348 00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:36,052 - I'll get you some. Yeah. - Really? 349 00:22:36,053 --> 00:22:39,255 OK. I'm gonna need like 200 pounds. 350 00:22:43,761 --> 00:22:46,629 # It feels good to be home # 351 00:22:49,132 --> 00:22:51,870 Honey. 352 00:22:52,870 --> 00:22:54,737 Honey, just... 353 00:22:54,738 --> 00:22:56,639 She's coming. 354 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,016 Here it comes. 355 00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:07,552 Thank you. 356 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:10,588 - Beautiful chicken. - Thank you. 357 00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:14,758 Well, Kaitlen, your father and I have some great news. 358 00:23:14,759 --> 00:23:19,031 As you know the Mastery in Butter Committee has turned on your father 359 00:23:19,032 --> 00:23:21,667 like Judas Iscariot himself. 360 00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:24,969 The good news is that, instead of your father 361 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:29,073 I will be competing this year. 362 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,877 - I think we should be proud of your mother. - Stepmother. 363 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:34,113 And have you ever made a butter sculpture before? 364 00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:37,315 You don't even eat dairy. 365 00:23:37,316 --> 00:23:40,619 Oh, man, you are gonna suck so hard. 366 00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:44,656 - Kaitlen. - I guess I expected outsiders to be skeptical, 367 00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:45,960 but my own family? 368 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,295 I have stood by your father for the past 15 years. 369 00:23:51,296 --> 00:23:54,065 Watching, learning, absorbing. 370 00:23:54,067 --> 00:24:01,373 I was there when he turned 867 sticks of butter into First Lady Laura Bush. 371 00:24:01,374 --> 00:24:03,844 I was there when, two days before State, 372 00:24:03,845 --> 00:24:07,684 the cooler broke and his Iwo Jima just turned into a river of yellow. 373 00:24:10,684 --> 00:24:14,388 And I am here now in his darkest hour of need 374 00:24:14,389 --> 00:24:17,993 to lift him up and preserve our legacy. 375 00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:26,717 Bird or door, Bob. Pick one. Let's go. 376 00:24:42,718 --> 00:24:44,318 - Hey, boo! - You can't be here. 377 00:24:44,319 --> 00:24:45,885 Oh, but you still owe me money, remember? 378 00:24:45,886 --> 00:24:47,220 I never got the rest of the money. 379 00:24:47,221 --> 00:24:48,188 That shit ain't free. 380 00:24:48,189 --> 00:24:49,326 This isn't happening. 381 00:24:49,327 --> 00:24:51,227 But you said you loved me, Bob. 382 00:24:51,228 --> 00:24:53,061 That was a little early for me. 383 00:24:53,062 --> 00:24:56,699 But we did it. I never do it with guys from the club, Bob. 384 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:58,667 Dad? Who's that? 385 00:24:58,668 --> 00:25:00,204 Nobody. 386 00:25:02,204 --> 00:25:04,272 Nobody?! 387 00:25:04,273 --> 00:25:06,875 - Is she a hooker? - No, no. 388 00:25:06,876 --> 00:25:09,979 - I like her boots. - Those are Army boots. 389 00:25:09,980 --> 00:25:11,279 She's a recruiter. 390 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,848 Wait a minute. Is she your hooker? 391 00:25:13,849 --> 00:25:16,919 - Because I totally understand if she is. - Kaitlen. 392 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,721 Go back to the table right now. 393 00:25:18,722 --> 00:25:22,726 Nobody? Nobody?! Bob! 394 00:25:23,726 --> 00:25:26,761 Brooke! Can't we do this over email? 395 00:25:26,762 --> 00:25:28,699 Bob, I'm gonna shit on the hood of your car. 396 00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:31,032 I see. You are definitely a passionate woman. 397 00:25:31,033 --> 00:25:33,903 You have two minutes to get me that money or I swear to God. 398 00:25:33,905 --> 00:25:36,073 I'm sorry, Brooke, I can't. I'm married. 399 00:25:36,074 --> 00:25:38,276 You know what? Fuck you! You are just like my father. 400 00:25:38,277 --> 00:25:41,779 - My wife controls the checkbook. - Your wife, Bob? 401 00:25:41,780 --> 00:25:44,348 I can't believe you're gonna let your wife come between us. 402 00:25:44,349 --> 00:25:46,751 - I thought you had morals. - OK. 403 00:25:46,752 --> 00:25:48,120 You tell your wife to watch her back. 404 00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:50,954 Will do. Thanks. 405 00:25:50,955 --> 00:25:52,956 Fuck you, Bob! 406 00:25:52,957 --> 00:25:55,861 No, thank you. We have plenty of steak knives. 407 00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:04,268 You owe me, Bob. 408 00:26:04,269 --> 00:26:06,838 You owe me big. 409 00:26:06,839 --> 00:26:08,140 Can I come in? 410 00:26:09,140 --> 00:26:12,042 Sure. 411 00:26:12,043 --> 00:26:16,347 - So how was your first day? - Good. 412 00:26:16,348 --> 00:26:21,485 Ethan said you were interested in doing that butter contest thing? 413 00:26:21,487 --> 00:26:23,523 Yeah. 414 00:26:23,524 --> 00:26:25,992 Are you sure? 415 00:26:25,993 --> 00:26:29,361 It's kind of redneck-y. 416 00:26:29,362 --> 00:26:31,399 I don't mind. 417 00:26:33,399 --> 00:26:36,205 Looks like you've been practicing. 418 00:26:38,205 --> 00:26:39,505 Who's that? 419 00:26:39,506 --> 00:26:45,514 That's my real dad. And this is my mom. 420 00:26:46,514 --> 00:26:48,214 And this must be you. 421 00:26:48,215 --> 00:26:50,817 Don't you look all happy. 422 00:26:50,818 --> 00:26:53,552 No. That's my sister. 423 00:26:53,553 --> 00:26:56,790 So where are you? 424 00:26:56,791 --> 00:27:01,261 Well, I'm here. 425 00:27:01,262 --> 00:27:05,033 Don't worry. My real mom will come get me soon. 426 00:27:06,033 --> 00:27:08,100 OK. 427 00:27:08,101 --> 00:27:09,513 Time for bed. 428 00:27:18,514 --> 00:27:21,216 - Hey, is she good? - She's fine. 429 00:27:21,217 --> 00:27:23,988 Great. 430 00:27:25,988 --> 00:27:29,557 The Secret is within you. 431 00:27:29,558 --> 00:27:33,061 The more you use the power within you, 432 00:27:33,062 --> 00:27:36,133 the more you will draw it to you. 433 00:27:38,133 --> 00:27:41,870 You will reach a point where you won't need to practice anymore, 434 00:27:41,871 --> 00:27:45,372 because you will be the power, you will be the perfection, 435 00:27:45,373 --> 00:27:47,442 - you will be the wisdom... - Be the wisdom. 436 00:27:47,443 --> 00:27:50,344 ...you will be the intelligence, you will be the love... 437 00:27:50,345 --> 00:27:54,216 - ...you will be the joy. - Be the joy. 438 00:27:54,217 --> 00:27:55,488 Be the joy. 439 00:27:58,488 --> 00:28:01,189 Oh, God what am I doing here? I can't do this. 440 00:28:01,191 --> 00:28:05,362 I'm not an artist. I don't have any experience. 441 00:28:05,363 --> 00:28:07,998 I just screwed up The Secret by even thinking that. 442 00:28:07,999 --> 00:28:10,234 Just shut up, Laura. Pull it together, you stupid slut. 443 00:28:10,235 --> 00:28:13,069 Don't call yourself a slut. Oh, God. 444 00:28:13,070 --> 00:28:15,643 OK. 445 00:28:18,643 --> 00:28:21,347 I will win. 446 00:28:23,347 --> 00:28:26,038 I will win. 447 00:28:47,039 --> 00:28:50,607 Laura, I thought Bob was judging State this year. 448 00:28:50,609 --> 00:28:54,445 He is. I'm signing up for myself. 449 00:28:56,916 --> 00:28:58,983 Are you sure? 450 00:28:58,984 --> 00:29:02,387 You have big shoes to fill, following your husband like that. 451 00:29:02,388 --> 00:29:05,523 Well, don't worry, I'm not a feminist or anything like that. 452 00:29:05,524 --> 00:29:08,493 I just worry about what would happen if this title 453 00:29:08,494 --> 00:29:10,844 and all the power that goes with it ends up 454 00:29:10,845 --> 00:29:13,301 in the hands of someone other than a Pickler. 455 00:29:15,301 --> 00:29:18,202 I mean, we all know what happened with the Miss America Pageant 456 00:29:18,203 --> 00:29:20,338 and Vanessa Williams. 457 00:29:20,339 --> 00:29:22,407 Well, I guess I see your point. 458 00:29:22,408 --> 00:29:25,411 I see I'm the only name here in Johnson County. What time do we wrap this up? 459 00:29:25,412 --> 00:29:28,517 Official rules state we need to be here until noon. 460 00:29:30,518 --> 00:29:32,687 I'll wait. 461 00:29:33,687 --> 00:29:35,424 Good. 462 00:29:36,424 --> 00:29:37,229 Do you want me to go in with you? 463 00:29:42,230 --> 00:29:43,998 Don't tell Jill, 464 00:29:43,999 --> 00:29:46,434 because she always likes me to think positive. 465 00:29:46,435 --> 00:29:48,301 but what I like to do is this. 466 00:29:48,302 --> 00:29:51,504 I imagine all the bad things 467 00:29:51,505 --> 00:29:54,675 that could possibly happen if you enter this contest. 468 00:29:54,676 --> 00:30:00,181 Like you could die of a tragic butter overdose. 469 00:30:00,182 --> 00:30:05,019 There could be a rabid grizzly bear hiding inside this very moose lodge, 470 00:30:05,020 --> 00:30:07,187 waiting to tear your face off. 471 00:30:07,188 --> 00:30:08,124 There could be a python inside. 472 00:30:09,124 --> 00:30:11,426 What if this place is full of monkeys with a deadly virus? 473 00:30:11,427 --> 00:30:13,594 There could be the ghost of Hitler. 474 00:30:13,595 --> 00:30:15,130 What if there's no gravity in there? And you float up 475 00:30:16,131 --> 00:30:18,398 and bang your head on the ceiling. And then all of a sudden, 476 00:30:18,399 --> 00:30:20,736 gravity kicks in and then you bang your head on the floor? 477 00:30:20,737 --> 00:30:24,305 - There could be a black hole and it'd suck me all up. - Yes. 478 00:30:24,306 --> 00:30:26,142 What if this place is full of good-looking British vampires? 479 00:30:27,142 --> 00:30:30,378 - The worst of all of them. - They're so pale. 480 00:30:30,380 --> 00:30:33,116 - Or hungry cannibals. - It could happen. 481 00:30:33,117 --> 00:30:37,754 Or there could be a mass murderer who only kills adorable little girls. 482 00:30:37,755 --> 00:30:40,622 - Think about it. - Or racist ninjas. 483 00:30:40,623 --> 00:30:44,793 Or racist ninjas, yes. High five. 484 00:30:44,794 --> 00:30:46,596 That was a good one. 485 00:30:46,597 --> 00:30:48,196 So think about all that 486 00:30:48,197 --> 00:30:49,632 and ask yourself, really, 487 00:30:49,633 --> 00:30:52,635 what's the worst thing that could happen? 488 00:30:52,636 --> 00:30:55,338 I could be terrible and lose. 489 00:30:55,339 --> 00:30:56,572 Yeah. 490 00:30:56,573 --> 00:30:58,241 Yeah, could you live with that? 491 00:30:58,242 --> 00:31:00,109 I guess so. 492 00:31:00,110 --> 00:31:02,649 OK then. So it's not such a big deal, is it? 493 00:31:04,649 --> 00:31:06,818 Go make us proud. 494 00:31:07,818 --> 00:31:09,120 Bring me back some butter. 495 00:31:09,121 --> 00:31:11,356 Adorable. 496 00:31:12,356 --> 00:31:14,403 What is this place? 497 00:31:26,404 --> 00:31:27,471 Laura? 498 00:31:27,472 --> 00:31:30,775 Oh, my God! 499 00:31:30,776 --> 00:31:33,178 Are you entering, too? 500 00:31:33,179 --> 00:31:34,845 Oh, my God! 501 00:31:34,846 --> 00:31:38,449 We have to get coolers right next to each other! 502 00:31:38,450 --> 00:31:40,584 It'll be just like camp! 503 00:31:40,585 --> 00:31:42,120 How fun. 504 00:31:42,121 --> 00:31:44,456 I'm really nervous. 505 00:31:44,457 --> 00:31:47,825 I mean, what am I doing, right? But I just said to myself, 506 00:31:47,826 --> 00:31:50,830 "Carol Ann, you've been sitting in the audience for too long. 507 00:31:50,831 --> 00:31:54,266 Now's your time to get up on that stage and sing!" 508 00:31:54,267 --> 00:31:56,535 I'm so glad you're here. 509 00:31:56,536 --> 00:32:00,706 We're gonna be just like sisters. 510 00:32:00,707 --> 00:32:04,112 Oh, no offense. 511 00:32:05,112 --> 00:32:06,644 I'd like to sign up, please. 512 00:32:06,646 --> 00:32:10,421 Oh, isn't that just precious. 513 00:32:13,421 --> 00:32:14,155 So, that's that. 514 00:32:15,155 --> 00:32:17,325 Looks like it'll be the three of us. 515 00:32:17,326 --> 00:32:19,358 Is someone smoking? 516 00:32:19,359 --> 00:32:22,547 Fuck this bullshit. 517 00:32:39,548 --> 00:32:41,350 Hey. 518 00:32:42,350 --> 00:32:43,519 Can I help you? 519 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,752 Yeah. 520 00:32:45,753 --> 00:32:48,221 I want to... sign up. 521 00:32:48,222 --> 00:32:52,660 For the Johnson County Mastery in Butter Sculpture Competition? 522 00:32:52,661 --> 00:32:54,828 Oh, man. 523 00:32:54,829 --> 00:32:58,365 Yeah. That. I want to sign up for that. 524 00:32:58,367 --> 00:33:00,236 I'm gonna cut you. 525 00:33:01,236 --> 00:33:03,504 Have you worked with butter before? 526 00:33:03,505 --> 00:33:07,910 Oh, I've worked with it all. 527 00:33:07,911 --> 00:33:10,279 - I object. - Uh... 528 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,181 You know, she is here on time 529 00:33:12,182 --> 00:33:15,517 and the rules do state that anyone can enter. 530 00:33:15,518 --> 00:33:17,286 Look at what she's wearing. 531 00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:20,955 This will go over very badly with the Red Ribbon people. 532 00:33:20,956 --> 00:33:24,596 Well, I don't see anything in here about that. I really... 533 00:33:25,596 --> 00:33:27,666 Ah! 534 00:33:28,666 --> 00:33:31,201 Your husband still owes me another $600. 535 00:33:31,202 --> 00:33:34,270 Interesting. Did he buy 600 blowjobs on credit? 536 00:33:34,271 --> 00:33:38,473 Look, lady, you came in between me and my man. 537 00:33:38,474 --> 00:33:40,279 Sh! We're in a Moose Lodge. 538 00:33:42,279 --> 00:33:43,446 Bob is my husband. 539 00:33:43,447 --> 00:33:46,316 We have built a life together. 540 00:33:46,318 --> 00:33:49,285 Once Kaitlen leaves, I plan on proudly bearing his children. 541 00:33:49,286 --> 00:33:52,822 So? You want a cookie 'cause you're gonna get pregnant? 542 00:33:52,823 --> 00:33:54,293 I get pregnant like once a month. 543 00:33:56,293 --> 00:33:57,861 Do you honestly think you're anything more 544 00:33:57,862 --> 00:34:01,331 than a cheap lay to him? He'll get bored. 545 00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:04,234 After that he'll come right back where he belongs, 546 00:34:04,235 --> 00:34:05,970 to my house. 547 00:34:05,971 --> 00:34:09,008 Listen... 548 00:34:10,008 --> 00:34:12,777 Would you prefer it if I didn't enter 549 00:34:12,778 --> 00:34:15,547 this whole butter contest thing? 550 00:34:15,548 --> 00:34:18,315 Absolutely. 551 00:34:18,316 --> 00:34:19,327 Excellent. 552 00:34:29,327 --> 00:34:31,865 It's on, cunt. 553 00:34:33,865 --> 00:34:37,301 I haven't heard that word since my dad died. 554 00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:52,388 Heavens! Look at that. 555 00:35:16,311 --> 00:35:18,853 - Voila. - Cool. 556 00:35:25,854 --> 00:35:28,453 Jesus, Laura. 557 00:36:13,903 --> 00:36:15,908 Hi! 558 00:36:17,908 --> 00:36:19,509 Incredible. 559 00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:21,010 This is weird. 560 00:36:21,011 --> 00:36:23,885 Sh, sh, sh. 561 00:36:27,885 --> 00:36:29,454 Honey. 562 00:36:30,454 --> 00:36:32,494 This is great. 563 00:36:35,494 --> 00:36:38,442 - What's that? - I don't know. 564 00:36:57,782 --> 00:37:00,417 - Hi, Carol Ann. - I'm sorry to bother you. 565 00:37:00,418 --> 00:37:03,720 I know you're busy creating in here and... 566 00:37:03,722 --> 00:37:06,090 Wow, Laura! 567 00:37:06,091 --> 00:37:10,594 Talent does run in the Pickler family. Wow. 568 00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:13,532 - Well... - Mine? I don't know. 569 00:37:13,533 --> 00:37:15,169 I mean, you know, I thought it would work out, but... 570 00:37:16,170 --> 00:37:19,104 ...golly, Laura, this is really hard. 571 00:37:19,105 --> 00:37:22,073 But my grandma used to say, "You can't polish a..." 572 00:37:22,074 --> 00:37:23,709 How's the girl's look? 573 00:37:23,710 --> 00:37:25,912 - What? - What's her name? 574 00:37:25,913 --> 00:37:27,180 Destiny? 575 00:37:35,087 --> 00:37:37,689 Amazing, isn't it? 576 00:37:37,690 --> 00:37:39,926 I think that might be Harriet Tubman. 577 00:37:39,927 --> 00:37:41,461 Oh. 578 00:37:41,462 --> 00:37:43,796 Well, she obviously decided 579 00:37:43,797 --> 00:37:46,531 to play the race card. I mean, it figures. 580 00:37:46,532 --> 00:37:50,035 Whatever you lack in talent, you gotta find some way to... 581 00:37:50,036 --> 00:37:51,637 I gotta go. 582 00:37:51,638 --> 00:37:53,485 "Little Secrets" 583 00:38:05,487 --> 00:38:07,156 # Let this be our little secret # 584 00:38:08,156 --> 00:38:10,224 # No one needs to know we're feeling # 585 00:38:10,225 --> 00:38:15,229 # Higher and higher and higher Higher and higher and higher # 586 00:38:15,230 --> 00:38:17,199 # But I feel alive Oh, I feel it in me # 587 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,867 # Up and up we keep on climbing # 588 00:38:19,868 --> 00:38:22,704 # Higher and higher and higher... # 589 00:38:27,176 --> 00:38:28,234 Oh. 590 00:38:52,236 --> 00:38:54,037 OK, contestants. 591 00:38:54,038 --> 00:38:56,305 Five, four... 592 00:38:56,306 --> 00:38:59,843 ...three, two... 593 00:38:59,844 --> 00:39:01,977 ...one. 594 00:39:03,314 --> 00:39:04,747 Trowels down! 595 00:39:42,055 --> 00:39:43,156 Ladies and gentlemen. 596 00:39:44,156 --> 00:39:46,824 welcome to the Johnson County Finals 597 00:39:46,825 --> 00:39:50,834 for the State Mastery in Butter Competition. 598 00:39:54,834 --> 00:39:58,804 I would like to introduce our esteemed panel of judges. 599 00:39:58,805 --> 00:40:01,673 Betsy Lou Holt, our reigning Miss Dairy. 600 00:40:03,942 --> 00:40:07,783 Mayor of Iowa City, Bill Olberweis. 601 00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:16,253 And finally, State Head Judge Orval Flanagan's wife, 602 00:40:16,254 --> 00:40:18,356 Mrs. Helen Flanagan. 603 00:40:24,365 --> 00:40:27,934 Now, we're going to let each contestant say a few words about their work 604 00:40:27,935 --> 00:40:30,771 before the judges begin deliberating. 605 00:40:30,772 --> 00:40:34,082 Carol Ann Stevenson? 606 00:40:41,082 --> 00:40:43,349 That's mine. 607 00:40:43,350 --> 00:40:45,385 I just really love kittens. 608 00:40:45,386 --> 00:40:49,856 Especially when they get tangled up in a blanket, 609 00:40:49,857 --> 00:40:55,029 but I didn't know how to carve that, so I just put them in a basket. 610 00:40:55,030 --> 00:40:57,998 I hope that's OK. 611 00:40:57,999 --> 00:41:00,000 Thank you! 612 00:41:04,171 --> 00:41:08,752 Thank you, Carol Ann. Uh, Brooke? 613 00:41:17,754 --> 00:41:21,124 Many of you know that I am a former stripper... 614 00:41:22,124 --> 00:41:25,094 ...often taking my job a step further 615 00:41:25,095 --> 00:41:28,329 and engaging in sexual acts for money. 616 00:41:28,330 --> 00:41:32,967 I went from man to man to man, 617 00:41:32,968 --> 00:41:37,005 always looking, always searching. 618 00:41:37,006 --> 00:41:39,909 Then one day, 619 00:41:39,910 --> 00:41:42,079 after I was nearly beaten to death by a customer... 620 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,313 ...I stumbled into another house. 621 00:41:45,314 --> 00:41:48,951 A big welcoming house. 622 00:41:48,952 --> 00:41:51,786 And met another man. 623 00:41:51,787 --> 00:41:56,927 And that man was Jesus Christ. 624 00:42:01,999 --> 00:42:04,402 I present to you, "The Scarlet Letter." 625 00:42:04,403 --> 00:42:09,041 For those of you who don't know, it's a movie starring Demi Moore. 626 00:42:10,041 --> 00:42:12,777 Thank you and God bless you. 627 00:42:12,778 --> 00:42:14,153 Butter saves! 628 00:42:21,153 --> 00:42:23,021 - Thank you, Brooke... - Six hundred dollars. 629 00:42:23,022 --> 00:42:26,491 - I don't have it. - ...for the inspiration. 630 00:42:26,492 --> 00:42:31,077 Um, OK. Destiny? 631 00:42:45,078 --> 00:42:46,945 Hi. My name is Destiny. 632 00:42:46,946 --> 00:42:51,816 My last name is either Washington or Wilson. 633 00:42:51,818 --> 00:42:56,355 The reason I'm not sure is because the State of Iowa isn't sure. 634 00:42:56,356 --> 00:43:00,826 You see, I am, and have been, a foster child. 635 00:43:00,827 --> 00:43:03,096 I've been shuttled from home to home. 636 00:43:03,097 --> 00:43:06,065 While some of my experiences have been negative, 637 00:43:06,066 --> 00:43:10,435 most of them have been overwhelmingly positive. 638 00:43:10,436 --> 00:43:14,007 So why then, can a ten-year-old black girl 639 00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:18,344 with no family, no money and no connections 640 00:43:18,345 --> 00:43:24,183 stand before you today and believe that she can win this competition? 641 00:43:24,184 --> 00:43:26,386 Why did the Pilgrims dare to cross 642 00:43:26,387 --> 00:43:30,257 the vast, dark oceans to America? 643 00:43:30,258 --> 00:43:31,160 Why did they risk it? 644 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,061 And why did a man named Abraham Lincoln 645 00:43:35,062 --> 00:43:38,499 move from a log cabin to the... No, wait. 646 00:43:38,501 --> 00:43:41,136 Move from a log house to the White House 647 00:43:41,137 --> 00:43:45,874 and risk both houses to keep this great nation together? 648 00:43:45,875 --> 00:43:51,913 The same reason a poor black woman risked life and limb, 649 00:43:51,914 --> 00:43:54,582 partnering with white and black people alike 650 00:43:54,583 --> 00:43:58,255 to bring my ancestors to freedom on the Underground Railroad. 651 00:44:00,255 --> 00:44:01,592 Why? 652 00:44:03,592 --> 00:44:07,194 Because she dared to dream. 653 00:44:07,195 --> 00:44:10,497 And that's kinda what I'm doing here today. 654 00:44:13,568 --> 00:44:15,342 Thank you very much. 655 00:44:19,343 --> 00:44:21,211 How'd you do that? 656 00:44:22,211 --> 00:44:24,246 Wow. 657 00:44:24,247 --> 00:44:26,081 That's a hard act to follow. 658 00:44:26,082 --> 00:44:28,583 Oh, um... 659 00:44:28,585 --> 00:44:32,421 Last, but, uh, certainly not least, Laura Pickler! 660 00:44:32,422 --> 00:44:35,598 Laura, come on up. 661 00:44:40,598 --> 00:44:42,367 Family. 662 00:44:43,367 --> 00:44:45,535 When... when I think about butter 663 00:44:45,536 --> 00:44:48,940 I think about family. 664 00:44:49,940 --> 00:44:53,276 Why? 665 00:44:53,277 --> 00:44:58,281 Because like the thread of a grandmother's quilt, 666 00:44:58,282 --> 00:45:02,019 butter is the centerpiece of a family dinner. 667 00:45:02,020 --> 00:45:04,154 And family, in turn, 668 00:45:04,155 --> 00:45:08,025 is the thread that holds our great country together. 669 00:45:08,026 --> 00:45:10,460 Without butter, there is no family, 670 00:45:10,461 --> 00:45:13,242 and without family, there is no... 671 00:45:32,118 --> 00:45:34,989 This is really hard. 672 00:45:35,989 --> 00:45:37,625 Just take your time, dear. 673 00:45:38,625 --> 00:45:40,197 Um... 674 00:45:44,197 --> 00:45:48,069 I'd like to remind you what this contest is about. 675 00:45:50,070 --> 00:45:53,108 It is about "excellence in butter." 676 00:45:54,108 --> 00:45:57,409 I have spent my life working hard, 677 00:45:57,410 --> 00:46:00,246 trying to do the right thing. 678 00:46:00,247 --> 00:46:05,053 Because I thought that's what this competition was about. 679 00:46:07,054 --> 00:46:09,560 I just hope when you vote, you remember that. 680 00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:15,128 Thank you. God bless America. 681 00:46:15,129 --> 00:46:17,770 God bless you, Laura, God bless you. 682 00:46:22,770 --> 00:46:25,174 Thank you, all four of you. 683 00:46:26,174 --> 00:46:27,508 How'd I do? 684 00:46:27,509 --> 00:46:30,778 You carved two more people than anyone else. 685 00:46:30,779 --> 00:46:34,048 We now have coffee and donut holes in the back for everyone 686 00:46:34,049 --> 00:46:35,484 while the judges deliberate. 687 00:46:35,485 --> 00:46:37,762 Donut holes! 688 00:46:57,741 --> 00:46:59,310 If I may have your attention. 689 00:47:00,310 --> 00:47:02,311 We have a decision. 690 00:47:02,312 --> 00:47:06,749 In fourth place, Carol Ann Stevenson. 691 00:47:06,750 --> 00:47:10,089 Come on, come on! 692 00:47:13,089 --> 00:47:15,291 Congrats, Carol Ann. 693 00:47:15,292 --> 00:47:19,729 Uh, and in third place, Brooke Swinkowski. 694 00:47:19,730 --> 00:47:21,370 What?! 695 00:47:27,371 --> 00:47:30,175 Hey, I know you're only, like, ten and shit, but listen up. 696 00:47:31,175 --> 00:47:32,843 You beat that skanky ass bitch. 697 00:47:32,844 --> 00:47:36,245 You beat her hard. I've done all I can do. It's up to you now. 698 00:47:36,246 --> 00:47:37,781 OK. 699 00:47:37,782 --> 00:47:39,653 You're a good girl. 700 00:47:42,653 --> 00:47:45,288 I don't think I want you hanging out with strippers, OK? 701 00:47:45,290 --> 00:47:50,096 OK, if I may have your attention. 702 00:47:51,096 --> 00:47:53,498 Um, will Laura Pickler 703 00:47:53,499 --> 00:47:55,875 and Destiny please come up? 704 00:48:03,875 --> 00:48:08,545 Representing Johnson County in the Iowa State Fair. 705 00:48:08,546 --> 00:48:13,458 Mastery in Butter Competition this year will be... 706 00:48:19,458 --> 00:48:22,844 ...Destiny! 707 00:48:38,845 --> 00:48:43,215 I guess it was wrong of me to say that all white people are weird. 708 00:48:43,216 --> 00:48:44,618 That's not true at all. 709 00:48:44,619 --> 00:48:47,587 Actually, white people are really awesome! 710 00:48:47,588 --> 00:48:49,788 Screw that little Afro girl. 711 00:48:49,789 --> 00:48:52,659 - Dad! - Kaitlen, your mother is upset. 712 00:48:52,660 --> 00:48:55,796 What is it, African-Iowan? It's not my responsibility 713 00:48:55,797 --> 00:48:58,666 to keep up with whatever it is they're calling themselves these days. 714 00:48:58,667 --> 00:49:01,501 - What? - She knew she was good all along. 715 00:49:01,502 --> 00:49:04,238 All along, she hustled us. She's a hustler. 716 00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:08,943 What is your problem? It's just some stupid contest. God. 717 00:49:08,944 --> 00:49:12,914 I cannot wait to get away from this stupid family. 718 00:49:12,915 --> 00:49:14,781 Really? 719 00:49:14,782 --> 00:49:18,519 Maybe I'll just be a stripper, like Dad's new friend. 720 00:49:21,223 --> 00:49:23,391 Stupid Laura. You know what you should've said? 721 00:49:23,393 --> 00:49:26,929 This is exactly why I stopped watching American Idol. 722 00:49:26,930 --> 00:49:29,363 Because every year the best singer gets up there, 723 00:49:29,364 --> 00:49:31,767 and every year she gets knocked down by some charity case 724 00:49:31,768 --> 00:49:33,271 with a baby and a mug shot. 725 00:49:36,271 --> 00:49:39,674 Well, I'm sorry that I was born white and tall and pretty. 726 00:49:39,675 --> 00:49:44,713 And I'm sorry that I don't sit in front of the TV all day, 727 00:49:44,714 --> 00:49:47,687 eating pork rinds and just soiling myself. 728 00:49:49,687 --> 00:49:52,387 And I'm sorry that I haven't spent the last 15 years of my life 729 00:49:52,388 --> 00:49:55,724 sucking every cock that flew in front of my face just to put on a cheap church dress 730 00:49:55,725 --> 00:49:56,859 and claim to find God. 731 00:49:56,860 --> 00:49:58,660 This is so messed up. 732 00:49:58,661 --> 00:50:00,495 I hate my fucking life. 733 00:50:00,496 --> 00:50:02,536 Language. 734 00:50:06,536 --> 00:50:08,570 To Destiny! 735 00:50:08,571 --> 00:50:11,743 - To Destiny! - To me! 736 00:50:22,420 --> 00:50:24,821 # She tastes like midnight # 737 00:50:24,822 --> 00:50:26,790 # She tastes like wine # 738 00:50:26,791 --> 00:50:29,827 # She tastes like midnight # 739 00:50:29,828 --> 00:50:32,497 # She tastes like wine # 740 00:50:32,498 --> 00:50:35,300 # I'm gonna run my fingers # 741 00:50:35,301 --> 00:50:37,668 # All down your spine # 742 00:50:37,669 --> 00:50:40,472 # Just like a bad dream # 743 00:50:40,473 --> 00:50:42,439 # Staying on my mind # 744 00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:46,558 Boyd. Boyd Bolton. 745 00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:02,293 Laura Pickler. 746 00:51:02,295 --> 00:51:04,062 Boyd Bolton. 747 00:51:04,063 --> 00:51:06,431 It's been a long time. 748 00:51:06,432 --> 00:51:09,035 Bob wrecked our minivan. 749 00:51:09,036 --> 00:51:12,705 Oh, yeah, I see that. Wow. What did he do? 750 00:51:12,706 --> 00:51:16,909 He slammed into something he shouldn't have slammed into. 751 00:51:16,910 --> 00:51:19,445 Well, if you want, we can... 752 00:51:19,446 --> 00:51:22,416 ...we can have it fixed for you right away. 753 00:51:22,417 --> 00:51:25,351 That would be excellent. 754 00:51:27,587 --> 00:51:30,791 - You look great, Laura. - Oh. 755 00:51:30,792 --> 00:51:33,360 You look even better than you did in high school. 756 00:51:33,361 --> 00:51:38,432 - No. - Yeah. Most women go the other way, but... Oh, my God. 757 00:51:38,433 --> 00:51:42,903 - Have you had your boobs done? - They're just cutlets in a friendly bra. 758 00:51:42,904 --> 00:51:44,704 Oh, my God. 759 00:51:44,705 --> 00:51:47,740 - How's your wife? - Tammy? 760 00:51:47,741 --> 00:51:51,811 - She's fine, I guess. - Great. 761 00:51:56,617 --> 00:52:00,888 # Waiting by the mailbox by the train # 762 00:52:00,889 --> 00:52:04,927 # Passing by the hills till I hear the name # 763 00:52:04,928 --> 00:52:08,996 # I'm looking for a saw to cut the chains in half # 764 00:52:08,997 --> 00:52:11,934 # And all I want is someone to rely on # 765 00:52:11,935 --> 00:52:15,036 # As thunder comes a-rolling down # 766 00:52:15,037 --> 00:52:18,674 # Someone to rely on as lightning comes # 767 00:52:18,675 --> 00:52:22,082 # A-staring in again # 768 00:52:27,082 --> 00:52:29,854 Ohh! 769 00:52:31,854 --> 00:52:34,556 Brent and Tammy Knepp of Rancho Bernardo 770 00:52:34,557 --> 00:52:36,558 were about to give up on swaddling their son. 771 00:52:36,559 --> 00:52:38,559 Look at this shit. 772 00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:42,031 It keeps babies from punching themselves. 773 00:52:43,032 --> 00:52:45,602 And don't you think it's weird that babies can't sleep 774 00:52:45,603 --> 00:52:48,772 without smacking themselves in the face? 775 00:52:48,773 --> 00:52:50,907 I mean, think about how fucked up that is. 776 00:52:50,908 --> 00:52:54,110 It's like you shouldn't be able to exist or something 777 00:52:54,111 --> 00:52:58,014 if you can't sleep without your arms flailing around all over the place. 778 00:52:58,015 --> 00:53:03,154 I mean, think about it. Is a baby better off dead or in the suburbs? 779 00:53:03,155 --> 00:53:07,491 In the suburbs you are forced to live with some stupid family, 780 00:53:07,492 --> 00:53:12,462 with stupid people that call you fat even when you are not fat at all. 781 00:53:12,463 --> 00:53:14,998 and you're forced to deal with stupid guys like Rob Ackerman, 782 00:53:14,999 --> 00:53:17,967 who don't call you back even when you give them a blowjob 783 00:53:17,968 --> 00:53:20,170 in the back of their Honda. 784 00:53:20,171 --> 00:53:22,473 God, I hate people! 785 00:53:22,474 --> 00:53:24,876 I cannot wait until everyone just dies from global warming. 786 00:53:24,877 --> 00:53:28,649 Right. Do you know where your dad keeps his money? 787 00:53:30,650 --> 00:53:31,883 Why? 788 00:53:31,884 --> 00:53:34,986 Does he owe you money? 789 00:53:34,987 --> 00:53:37,489 Like for sex? 790 00:53:37,490 --> 00:53:39,695 He just owes me money. 791 00:53:41,695 --> 00:53:43,895 Your hair is so cool. 792 00:53:43,896 --> 00:53:46,466 No one at my school has hair like that. 793 00:53:46,467 --> 00:53:49,134 Thanks. So, the cash would probably in the... 794 00:53:49,135 --> 00:53:52,103 I've never met anyone like you before. 795 00:53:52,104 --> 00:53:54,005 You're so alternative. 796 00:53:54,006 --> 00:53:57,944 ...in a drawer or something like that, in the...? 797 00:53:57,945 --> 00:53:59,749 Maybe. 798 00:54:02,749 --> 00:54:03,949 Hey. 799 00:54:03,950 --> 00:54:06,956 Do you want to play Truth or Dare? 800 00:54:08,956 --> 00:54:12,859 Whoo! 801 00:54:12,860 --> 00:54:14,993 Boyd! Oh! 802 00:54:14,994 --> 00:54:16,962 How do you like that, Laura? 803 00:54:27,275 --> 00:54:29,983 Oh, my God. 804 00:54:33,983 --> 00:54:37,252 No, no, no, no, don't stop. Don't stop. 805 00:54:37,253 --> 00:54:41,256 - I'm sorry, I can't do this. - No, no, no, I can get you the $600. 806 00:54:41,257 --> 00:54:44,591 Actually, it's $1200. 807 00:54:44,592 --> 00:54:49,830 OK. You are so beautiful. 808 00:54:49,831 --> 00:54:55,136 You're everything that I've ever wanted to be. 809 00:54:55,137 --> 00:54:57,775 And now you're right here in my arms. 810 00:54:59,775 --> 00:55:03,944 - OK. - # Gonna spread you like butter # 811 00:55:03,945 --> 00:55:06,681 # Baby on my bread # 812 00:55:06,682 --> 00:55:08,982 # Don't want no other # 813 00:55:08,984 --> 00:55:11,321 # Girl in my bed # 814 00:55:11,322 --> 00:55:14,156 # Gonna spread you like butter # 815 00:55:14,157 --> 00:55:16,725 # Baby on my bread # 816 00:55:16,726 --> 00:55:18,928 # I don't want no other # 817 00:55:18,929 --> 00:55:22,732 # Girl in my bed Gonna spread you like... # 818 00:55:22,733 --> 00:55:26,669 Are you there, God? It's me, Boyd Bolton. 819 00:55:26,670 --> 00:55:31,006 Oh, wait, there's probably a lot of Boyd Boltons. 820 00:55:31,007 --> 00:55:33,142 Hmm. 821 00:55:33,143 --> 00:55:37,913 OK, so just so you know, I'm the one that lives in Iowa City. 822 00:55:40,318 --> 00:55:43,620 I don't think there's any other Boyd Boltons that live in Iowa City, 823 00:55:43,621 --> 00:55:47,960 but if there is, I'm the one who runs Bolton Supercenter. 824 00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:52,127 Yeah, anyway... 825 00:55:52,128 --> 00:55:55,265 ...I just wanted to take this moment to thank you 826 00:55:55,266 --> 00:55:58,235 for sending Laura Pickler to fuck me. 827 00:55:58,237 --> 00:56:00,906 I mean, I don't know what you guys are doing up there, 828 00:56:00,907 --> 00:56:03,210 but her pussy is like even tighter than it was in high school. 829 00:56:04,210 --> 00:56:10,652 It's... it's like she hasn't even used it in 20 years. 830 00:56:13,652 --> 00:56:14,355 Anyway... 831 00:56:16,355 --> 00:56:18,192 ...I just wanted to say... 832 00:56:20,192 --> 00:56:21,395 ...thank you. 833 00:56:22,395 --> 00:56:25,800 You're so cool, God. 834 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:29,901 Amen. 835 00:56:37,377 --> 00:56:39,144 Hello? 836 00:56:39,145 --> 00:56:41,217 Oh, hi, Nancy. 837 00:56:44,218 --> 00:56:46,052 What?! 838 00:56:46,053 --> 00:56:50,892 Well, what could possibly be the problem? She's ten years old. 839 00:56:52,893 --> 00:56:54,695 Right, all right. 840 00:56:54,696 --> 00:56:56,804 See you then. Good-bye. 841 00:57:02,804 --> 00:57:04,937 I'm scared. 842 00:57:04,938 --> 00:57:08,274 Why are you scared? You're amazing. 843 00:57:08,275 --> 00:57:10,843 Really, it's them that should be scared. 844 00:57:10,844 --> 00:57:13,981 No, I'm scared that you and Miss Jill won't want me anymore. 845 00:57:13,982 --> 00:57:15,951 What?! 846 00:57:16,951 --> 00:57:18,251 It's happened before. 847 00:57:18,252 --> 00:57:20,795 They just leave me. 848 00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:34,135 Did you know that Jill can't have kids? 849 00:57:34,136 --> 00:57:36,170 Why? 850 00:57:36,171 --> 00:57:40,141 Well, I mean, that's complicated. 851 00:57:40,143 --> 00:57:41,343 It's... 852 00:57:41,344 --> 00:57:44,180 - Is her vagina broken? - Yes. 853 00:57:44,181 --> 00:57:47,349 Yep. That's it. 854 00:57:47,350 --> 00:57:53,456 The adoption people would ask us over and over again... 855 00:57:53,457 --> 00:57:56,092 "Are you sure you don't want a baby? 856 00:57:56,093 --> 00:57:57,194 We can get you a baby. 857 00:57:58,194 --> 00:58:00,863 You both have good jobs. 858 00:58:00,864 --> 00:58:03,765 You have a nice house. 859 00:58:03,766 --> 00:58:06,973 We can get you a baby." 860 00:58:10,973 --> 00:58:14,843 But we made up this whole thing in our heads that, like, 861 00:58:14,844 --> 00:58:19,482 we wanted an older child because they're always overlooked 862 00:58:19,483 --> 00:58:25,394 and we'd be doing so much good for society and the world and everything. 863 00:58:30,395 --> 00:58:34,834 But the truth is, we were afraid to have a baby. 864 00:58:35,834 --> 00:58:37,272 Why? 865 00:58:40,272 --> 00:58:42,377 I don't know. 866 00:58:45,377 --> 00:58:48,979 It's OK to be scared, I guess. 867 00:58:48,980 --> 00:58:52,089 Hey, you guys, they're ready for us now. 868 00:58:58,089 --> 00:59:00,892 Destiny, um, come in. 869 00:59:00,893 --> 00:59:03,127 What's going on? 870 00:59:03,128 --> 00:59:07,031 This is Martin Caswell from Red Ribbon. 871 00:59:09,002 --> 00:59:11,577 Julie, send in Mr. Bolton. 872 00:59:20,948 --> 00:59:23,392 Oh. 873 00:59:32,392 --> 00:59:36,429 Boyd, would you tell these people, please, what you told me? Exactly? 874 00:59:36,430 --> 00:59:39,298 Oh, yeah. 875 00:59:39,299 --> 00:59:44,269 On the evening of the 15th, Mr. Ethan approached me, 876 00:59:44,270 --> 00:59:47,472 knowing I have superior skills in the art of sculpting butter. 877 00:59:47,473 --> 00:59:52,046 And asked if I would help his daughter, Destiny, 878 00:59:52,047 --> 00:59:54,257 with her sculpture... 879 01:00:03,257 --> 01:00:08,229 ...with her entry for the Johnson County Mastery in Butter contest. 880 01:00:08,231 --> 01:00:09,301 I'm sorry, what? 881 01:00:12,301 --> 01:00:13,202 I said no at first. 882 01:00:14,202 --> 01:00:19,907 - But after he gave me $500... - You're kidding! 883 01:00:19,908 --> 01:00:22,409 ...I snuck in when no one was looking 884 01:00:22,410 --> 01:00:27,114 and I... I carved her sculpture for her. 885 01:00:27,115 --> 01:00:31,018 I can no longer live with this horrible blight... 886 01:00:31,019 --> 01:00:34,124 ...on, on, on, on, on... 887 01:00:35,124 --> 01:00:38,197 ...on my conscience. 888 01:00:41,197 --> 01:00:42,999 This is crazy, OK? 889 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:46,035 I have never met this dude in my life, I swear to God. 890 01:00:46,036 --> 01:00:49,939 Come on, you people saw her carve it with your own eyes. 891 01:00:49,940 --> 01:00:52,140 I can't even believe I'm arguing this. 892 01:00:52,141 --> 01:00:53,575 May I make a suggestion? 893 01:00:53,576 --> 01:00:57,613 As it's clear that Destiny's win is in question, I... 894 01:00:57,615 --> 01:00:59,917 Absolutely not. 895 01:00:59,918 --> 01:01:02,319 Destiny won this on her own, fair and square. 896 01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:05,255 I think the only fair solution would be to have a rematch. 897 01:01:05,256 --> 01:01:07,623 Me versus Destiny. 898 01:01:07,624 --> 01:01:09,092 At the State Fair. 899 01:01:09,093 --> 01:01:11,494 Um, State is this weekend. 900 01:01:11,495 --> 01:01:15,565 I mean, I can't possibly get the proper paperwork prepared in time. 901 01:01:15,566 --> 01:01:18,668 I'm sure someone as smart as you can figure it out, Nancy. 902 01:01:18,669 --> 01:01:20,536 But the coolers. 903 01:01:20,537 --> 01:01:23,374 And then we'd have to haul all the butter in two days before 904 01:01:23,375 --> 01:01:26,244 - so it'll set and... - Excellent. Great. 905 01:01:26,245 --> 01:01:30,180 Well, now that Nancy has agreed to do her... her job 906 01:01:30,181 --> 01:01:32,115 looks like we've got a rematch. 907 01:01:32,116 --> 01:01:34,285 What's wrong with you people? 908 01:01:34,286 --> 01:01:38,021 I can't believe you just let this two-bit trophy wife come in here... 909 01:01:38,022 --> 01:01:41,091 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now wait a second. 910 01:01:41,092 --> 01:01:43,394 Hey, hey, hey. 911 01:01:43,396 --> 01:01:44,729 - I know. - She's crazy. 912 01:01:44,730 --> 01:01:46,298 This is the kind of thing that I just... 913 01:01:46,299 --> 01:01:49,234 - Who are you? - I'll do it. 914 01:01:49,235 --> 01:01:50,602 ...from over here. 915 01:01:50,603 --> 01:01:54,373 - I'll do it. - Destiny. 916 01:01:54,374 --> 01:01:57,676 Eight-hour carve time, all out in the open, 917 01:01:57,677 --> 01:02:00,045 officials present every minute. 918 01:02:00,046 --> 01:02:02,480 No verbal contact with the audience. 919 01:02:02,481 --> 01:02:04,153 No help. 920 01:02:07,153 --> 01:02:08,222 And no speeches. 921 01:02:09,222 --> 01:02:10,590 Just butter. 922 01:02:10,591 --> 01:02:12,729 - Deal? - Deal. 923 01:02:14,729 --> 01:02:17,563 Can you believe that bitch? 924 01:02:17,564 --> 01:02:19,064 Jill. 925 01:02:19,065 --> 01:02:22,068 Sorry. You know you can't say "bitch" right? 926 01:02:22,069 --> 01:02:24,371 - I know. - Just her whole thing. 927 01:02:24,372 --> 01:02:27,439 The hair, the dress, that grin. 928 01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:30,310 Destiny, it's not too late to go back in there and tell them you don't wanna do this thing. 929 01:02:30,311 --> 01:02:35,447 Are you kidding me? Destiny is gonna nail that witch. Aren't you, Destiny? 930 01:02:35,449 --> 01:02:37,283 You better believe it. 931 01:02:37,284 --> 01:02:39,152 All right. 932 01:02:39,153 --> 01:02:40,356 Let's prep. 933 01:02:41,356 --> 01:02:43,123 Laura. 934 01:02:43,124 --> 01:02:46,627 Laura! 935 01:02:46,628 --> 01:02:49,562 Obviously, I wish you had better reading skills, but all in all... 936 01:02:49,563 --> 01:02:51,800 She's only ten! 937 01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,701 Thank you for your help, Boyd. 938 01:02:54,702 --> 01:02:57,139 What, that's it? 939 01:02:57,140 --> 01:03:00,041 That's it? 940 01:03:00,042 --> 01:03:01,576 Hey, hey, where are you going? 941 01:03:01,577 --> 01:03:04,612 Come on, don't you remember us? We were Boyd and Laura. 942 01:03:04,613 --> 01:03:08,483 - I give up. - Boyd. 943 01:03:11,220 --> 01:03:12,554 Hey. 944 01:03:12,555 --> 01:03:15,057 Imagine if we got an apartment together. 945 01:03:15,058 --> 01:03:17,358 We could move to Des Moines. 946 01:03:17,359 --> 01:03:20,528 You got the $1200 right? 947 01:03:20,529 --> 01:03:22,798 Or maybe Chicago. 948 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:26,334 Can you imagine how humiliated my stepmom would be? 949 01:03:26,335 --> 01:03:28,537 She'd probably like, explode. 950 01:03:28,538 --> 01:03:30,342 I think you're late for practice. 951 01:03:32,342 --> 01:03:34,609 I could be with you forever. 952 01:03:34,610 --> 01:03:36,178 Yeah. 953 01:03:36,179 --> 01:03:40,082 - About that. The money? - Oh. 954 01:03:40,083 --> 01:03:43,119 I can't wait to see how this plays out. 955 01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:45,721 Good luck. 956 01:03:45,722 --> 01:03:47,157 Call me. 957 01:03:47,158 --> 01:03:48,826 Yeah, definitely will. 958 01:03:48,827 --> 01:03:52,604 I was only kidding about the moving in together stuff. 959 01:04:00,604 --> 01:04:02,505 Move it, bitches! 960 01:04:05,343 --> 01:04:07,478 Whoo! 961 01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:17,622 - Hey, girl. - Hi. 962 01:04:17,623 --> 01:04:21,392 Let's go for a ride. I got something to show you. 963 01:04:21,393 --> 01:04:23,827 OK. 964 01:04:23,828 --> 01:04:25,330 What'd you learn in school today? 965 01:04:25,331 --> 01:04:27,464 Positive and negative numbers. 966 01:04:27,465 --> 01:04:28,603 I have no idea what you're talking about. 967 01:04:30,604 --> 01:04:32,271 See that store over there? 968 01:04:32,272 --> 01:04:33,839 Mm-hm. 969 01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,275 With this $1200 I could buy work clothes 970 01:04:36,276 --> 01:04:38,247 like you have never seen. 971 01:04:40,247 --> 01:04:42,251 Where do you work? 972 01:04:44,251 --> 01:04:45,691 Barnes & Noble. 973 01:04:51,691 --> 01:04:54,360 So I want you to look over there. 974 01:04:54,361 --> 01:05:00,331 And I want you to see very clearly that I am willing to sacrifice $1200 975 01:05:00,332 --> 01:05:04,402 worth of totally cute outfits so that you can have these knives. 976 01:05:04,404 --> 01:05:06,966 And with these knives, you carve the best damn 977 01:05:06,967 --> 01:05:09,309 butter sculpture this world has ever seen. 978 01:05:09,310 --> 01:05:11,343 You must not fail, Destiny. 979 01:05:11,344 --> 01:05:15,481 You can do this. You can take down Laura Pickler. 980 01:05:15,482 --> 01:05:18,220 You kick her pasty, white ass so hard, 981 01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:22,389 so that she and her stupid husband can never wreak havoc 982 01:05:22,390 --> 01:05:25,326 on poor, innocent people like me ever again. 983 01:05:25,327 --> 01:05:27,331 We cool? 984 01:05:29,331 --> 01:05:30,464 Thank you. 985 01:05:46,682 --> 01:05:50,850 Well, we don't know for sure, but nine times out of ten in these cases, 986 01:05:50,852 --> 01:05:53,555 we suspect drugs and... 987 01:05:53,556 --> 01:05:54,856 - Hey. - Hi, honey. 988 01:05:54,857 --> 01:05:56,791 Hi, Destiny. 989 01:05:56,792 --> 01:05:58,927 You know... 990 01:05:58,928 --> 01:06:03,632 ..I think it would be best if we had this discussion alone, just grownups. 991 01:06:03,633 --> 01:06:05,606 Uh... No, no, she can stay. 992 01:06:08,606 --> 01:06:10,409 OK. 993 01:06:13,409 --> 01:06:17,617 - From what we can surmise, on the night of... - Um... 994 01:06:19,617 --> 01:06:23,786 Destiny, your mother was a wonderful woman 995 01:06:23,787 --> 01:06:27,025 who fell on hard times. 996 01:06:29,025 --> 01:06:31,893 She was not capable of taking care of you, 997 01:06:31,894 --> 01:06:35,710 but she loved you very much nonetheless. 998 01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:48,683 We found this. 999 01:06:52,684 --> 01:06:54,922 She's pretty. 1000 01:06:56,922 --> 01:06:59,857 Hi, Mom. It's me, Destiny. Your daughter. 1001 01:06:59,858 --> 01:07:02,926 We probably haven't seen each other since I was a baby. 1002 01:07:02,927 --> 01:07:04,928 I don't remember you at all. 1003 01:07:04,929 --> 01:07:08,767 But now that the lady gave me your picture, I wish I did. 1004 01:07:08,768 --> 01:07:12,337 I don't know what you were doing all these years, 1005 01:07:12,338 --> 01:07:13,972 but now that you've gone to heaven 1006 01:07:13,973 --> 01:07:17,042 I just want you to know I forgive you for leaving me. 1007 01:07:17,043 --> 01:07:22,346 I don't really understand it that much, but I still forgive you. 1008 01:07:22,347 --> 01:07:24,525 OK. Bye. 1009 01:07:44,005 --> 01:07:46,710 Motherfucker! 1010 01:07:48,710 --> 01:07:49,878 Hi, Bob. 1011 01:07:51,878 --> 01:07:56,549 Come on. Come on in, just standing there like Rain Man. 1012 01:07:56,550 --> 01:07:59,034 Hey. 1013 01:08:13,034 --> 01:08:16,135 Um... I don't think this is gonna work. 1014 01:08:16,136 --> 01:08:20,674 Laura, you're gonna need an armature for something that grand. 1015 01:08:20,676 --> 01:08:23,979 Then I'll build an armature. 1016 01:08:23,980 --> 01:08:26,718 I'm not afraid of hard work, Bob. 1017 01:08:28,718 --> 01:08:30,953 Not that it matters anymore anyway. 1018 01:08:30,954 --> 01:08:32,620 What do you mean? 1019 01:08:32,621 --> 01:08:35,391 Well, you saw what I did back there. 1020 01:08:35,392 --> 01:08:42,530 My sculpture was twice as good as your "Schindler's List" and you know it. 1021 01:08:42,531 --> 01:08:45,967 My cooler was 43 degrees, the eye-forehead-ratio was perfect. 1022 01:08:45,968 --> 01:08:48,837 Yeah. You had all that down. 1023 01:08:48,838 --> 01:08:51,775 I'm not gonna lie, I'm actually kinda surprised at how technically good you are. 1024 01:08:51,776 --> 01:08:54,911 - You think, Bob? - Yeah. 1025 01:08:55,911 --> 01:08:58,848 But you also need to inject some soul into it. 1026 01:08:59,848 --> 01:09:01,984 I'm just saying... 1027 01:09:01,985 --> 01:09:03,688 ...not everyone can be an artist. 1028 01:09:06,688 --> 01:09:08,428 You don't think I can be an artist? 1029 01:09:12,430 --> 01:09:14,831 Look, I know what it is I'm dealing with here. 1030 01:09:14,832 --> 01:09:17,000 I am gonna have to give these so-called judges 1031 01:09:17,001 --> 01:09:22,606 the statement piece that they're looking for. 1032 01:09:22,607 --> 01:09:26,811 And when they see what I have planned for them, their jaws are gonna hit the floor. 1033 01:09:26,812 --> 01:09:29,546 And you are gonna be right there, 1034 01:09:29,547 --> 01:09:31,749 next to my cooler, 1035 01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:37,056 cheering me on as dutifully as I have you the last 15 years. 1036 01:09:41,559 --> 01:09:44,094 Good morning, folks. You're listening to 1037 01:09:44,095 --> 01:09:47,497 KQWK broadcasting live 1038 01:09:47,498 --> 01:09:50,067 from Des Moines at the Iowa State Fair. 1039 01:09:50,068 --> 01:09:52,803 It's 103 degrees out on the fairgrounds, 1040 01:09:52,804 --> 01:09:55,171 but even hotter in the Grand Hall 1041 01:09:55,172 --> 01:10:00,711 where crowds are squeezing in for the highly anticipated rematch. 1042 01:10:00,713 --> 01:10:04,687 Laura Pickler versus Destiny. 1043 01:10:13,025 --> 01:10:15,096 # Pump it up # 1044 01:10:16,096 --> 01:10:17,730 # Get out yo seats # 1045 01:10:17,731 --> 01:10:19,766 # Pump it up # 1046 01:10:20,766 --> 01:10:22,873 # You gotta move your feet # 1047 01:10:25,873 --> 01:10:27,677 # In the disco # 1048 01:10:30,677 --> 01:10:32,078 # I wanna see # 1049 01:10:32,079 --> 01:10:34,547 # I wanna see you celebrate # 1050 01:10:34,548 --> 01:10:36,681 # Celebrate, celebrate # 1051 01:10:36,682 --> 01:10:38,650 # And let yourself go # 1052 01:10:38,651 --> 01:10:40,586 # Fly away, fly away # 1053 01:10:40,587 --> 01:10:43,589 # Fly away and let your love go # 1054 01:10:43,590 --> 01:10:45,859 # Hello, good-bye # 1055 01:10:45,861 --> 01:10:47,897 # I'm gonna meet you on the other side # 1056 01:10:47,898 --> 01:10:50,932 # Oh, yeah All right # 1057 01:10:50,933 --> 01:10:53,000 # Go crazy # 1058 01:10:53,001 --> 01:10:55,777 # Celebrate # 1059 01:11:01,777 --> 01:11:03,544 Hi, how are you? 1060 01:11:11,319 --> 01:11:13,821 # Fly away and let your love go # 1061 01:11:13,822 --> 01:11:15,224 # Hello, good-bye # 1062 01:11:16,224 --> 01:11:18,959 # Gonna meet you on the other side # 1063 01:11:18,960 --> 01:11:21,329 # Oh, yeah All right # 1064 01:11:21,330 --> 01:11:23,298 # Go crazy # 1065 01:11:56,300 --> 01:11:59,202 # Are you livin' are you livin' Can't keep cool # 1066 01:11:59,203 --> 01:12:03,640 Five, four, three, 1067 01:12:03,641 --> 01:12:05,244 two, one! 1068 01:12:09,680 --> 01:12:11,780 Trowels down! 1069 01:12:45,418 --> 01:12:47,419 She's outdone herself. 1070 01:12:47,420 --> 01:12:50,256 - Oh, my! JFK! - Thank you all for coming. 1071 01:12:51,256 --> 01:12:54,392 Please come back tomorrow after church 1072 01:12:54,393 --> 01:12:58,362 when the judges will be viewing these two interesting pieces 1073 01:12:58,363 --> 01:13:01,767 for the very first time and will announce the winner 1074 01:13:01,768 --> 01:13:06,717 of the Johnson County Mastery in Butter competition again. 1075 01:13:50,719 --> 01:13:52,420 Dear God, it's me. 1076 01:13:52,421 --> 01:13:54,956 I just want you to know, Laura doesn't know about this. 1077 01:13:54,957 --> 01:13:58,025 So don't blame her. Oh, hang on, you already know that. 1078 01:13:58,026 --> 01:14:00,306 Man, you're awesome. Amen. 1079 01:14:32,262 --> 01:14:34,200 What the hell? 1080 01:14:37,201 --> 01:14:41,071 I'll see what's going on, OK? 1081 01:14:41,072 --> 01:14:44,508 Excuse me. What happened? 1082 01:14:44,509 --> 01:14:46,476 Um, we don't know. 1083 01:14:46,477 --> 01:14:49,446 But she's gonna get a chance to fix it, right? 1084 01:14:49,447 --> 01:14:53,016 Well, um, the judges have already begun deliberation. 1085 01:14:53,018 --> 01:14:55,218 And the rules indicate that no further adjustment can be made 1086 01:14:55,219 --> 01:14:56,256 once deliberation commences. 1087 01:14:57,256 --> 01:14:59,122 Come on, lady. 1088 01:14:59,123 --> 01:15:02,864 My name is Nancy and those are the rules. 1089 01:15:06,864 --> 01:15:08,501 You know what? 1090 01:15:09,501 --> 01:15:13,537 You people are ridiculous. 1091 01:15:13,538 --> 01:15:15,339 I mean, it's butter. 1092 01:15:15,340 --> 01:15:17,474 You put it on toast. 1093 01:15:17,475 --> 01:15:21,578 Right? The government gives it away for free. 1094 01:15:21,579 --> 01:15:25,117 Oh, oh, oh! And newsflash! 1095 01:15:25,118 --> 01:15:27,185 It's bad for you! 1096 01:15:27,186 --> 01:15:30,055 Yeah, I said it out loud. 1097 01:15:30,056 --> 01:15:33,324 It clogs your arteries and it makes you fat. 1098 01:15:33,325 --> 01:15:35,961 And you're all gonna die because of it! 1099 01:15:35,962 --> 01:15:37,829 What? Really? 1100 01:15:37,830 --> 01:15:40,399 The butter police? Wow! 1101 01:15:40,400 --> 01:15:44,069 We've got it. We've got it under control. We've got it. 1102 01:15:44,071 --> 01:15:46,375 Destiny, we'll be right back. 1103 01:15:49,375 --> 01:15:52,078 So now what? 1104 01:15:52,079 --> 01:15:54,527 I've lost, that's what. 1105 01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:47,208 I'd just like to say good luck. 1106 01:16:53,208 --> 01:16:56,919 You know, this is all I have. 1107 01:17:02,919 --> 01:17:06,689 You're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you 1108 01:17:06,690 --> 01:17:13,132 and you can, you can do anything. 1109 01:17:15,132 --> 01:17:16,965 And you're so beautiful. 1110 01:17:16,966 --> 01:17:19,969 And I know you... 1111 01:17:19,970 --> 01:17:22,707 Well, I know you don't understand this... 1112 01:17:24,708 --> 01:17:28,164 ...but this is all I have. 1113 01:17:47,165 --> 01:17:50,133 This is unbelievable. 1114 01:17:50,134 --> 01:17:54,172 For the first time I can remember the midway is completely deserted 1115 01:17:54,173 --> 01:17:57,708 as everyone gathers to witness a little piece of history. 1116 01:17:57,709 --> 01:18:01,178 Thousands packed the Grand Hall to see these two contestants' 1117 01:18:01,179 --> 01:18:03,249 daring and radical butter sculptures. 1118 01:18:04,249 --> 01:18:07,384 Now it's up to our judges to decide once and for all 1119 01:18:07,385 --> 01:18:10,655 who will represent Johnson County here at State. 1120 01:18:10,657 --> 01:18:14,058 Stay tuned to KQWK for the live results 1121 01:18:14,059 --> 01:18:17,508 and your favorite light hits and less talk. 1122 01:18:28,508 --> 01:18:30,377 May I have your attention, please? 1123 01:18:30,378 --> 01:18:35,415 The judges have reached a decision. Orval? 1124 01:18:35,416 --> 01:18:37,483 Thank you, Nancy. Um... 1125 01:18:37,484 --> 01:18:40,687 In my years judging this competition, uh, 1126 01:18:40,688 --> 01:18:42,287 I've seen many things. 1127 01:18:42,288 --> 01:18:46,291 But only twice have I seen true art. 1128 01:18:46,292 --> 01:18:52,098 The first was Bob Pickler's brilliant "Passion of The Christ" 1129 01:18:52,099 --> 01:18:55,769 with Neil Diamond as Jesus. 1130 01:18:55,770 --> 01:18:59,706 - And the second this morning... - Did he say Neil Diamond? 1131 01:18:59,708 --> 01:19:05,046 ...when I laid eyes on a work so tragic, so touching, 1132 01:19:05,047 --> 01:19:10,650 that it became not just butter carving, but butter art. 1133 01:19:10,651 --> 01:19:16,489 And to be touched yourself, you merely have to look right here... 1134 01:19:16,490 --> 01:19:19,160 ...at the sad, melted face 1135 01:19:19,161 --> 01:19:21,663 of this unloved child. 1136 01:19:21,664 --> 01:19:25,151 Our winner, again, is Destiny. 1137 01:19:43,151 --> 01:19:45,196 Can you put me down, please? 1138 01:19:53,197 --> 01:19:54,629 I'd just like to say 1139 01:19:54,630 --> 01:19:57,604 this isn't all you have. 1140 01:20:01,604 --> 01:20:03,761 Aww! 1141 01:20:46,217 --> 01:20:49,520 You won't believe this, but somehow my messed-up sculpture 1142 01:20:49,521 --> 01:20:52,324 won the State competition that year. 1143 01:20:52,325 --> 01:20:56,828 The Des Moines Register called it "an angst-ridden exploration 1144 01:20:56,829 --> 01:20:59,532 - of post-natal abandonment." - Congratulations. 1145 01:20:59,533 --> 01:21:04,235 I told them it was just a sculpture of my mom, but whatever. 1146 01:21:04,236 --> 01:21:08,440 I was just happy that I finally found something I was good at. 1147 01:21:08,441 --> 01:21:10,207 I also got a postcard from Brooke. 1148 01:21:10,208 --> 01:21:12,244 She wrote to say that she was doing great 1149 01:21:12,245 --> 01:21:15,547 and was promoted to general manager of Barnes & Noble. 1150 01:21:15,548 --> 01:21:19,651 And then, some even cooler stuff started to happen. 1151 01:21:19,652 --> 01:21:23,689 Firstly, Jill finally figured out how to do my hair. 1152 01:21:23,690 --> 01:21:26,191 Destiny, come on down. 1153 01:21:26,192 --> 01:21:28,894 You get to hear Ethan attempt to sing Christmas carols. 1154 01:21:28,896 --> 01:21:31,631 - It's really awful. - She means awesome. 1155 01:21:31,632 --> 01:21:33,333 OK, I'll be down in a minute. 1156 01:21:33,334 --> 01:21:34,268 Yes! You won't regret it. 1157 01:21:35,268 --> 01:21:38,339 # God rest ye merry gentlemen # 1158 01:21:38,340 --> 01:21:41,976 # Let nothing you dismay # 1159 01:21:41,977 --> 01:21:46,513 Oh, and also Miss Jill and Mr. Ethan officially adopted me. 1160 01:21:46,514 --> 01:21:51,652 Which meant that was the last time I had to unpack that stupid suitcase. 1161 01:21:51,653 --> 01:21:54,620 And you've probably heard 1162 01:21:54,621 --> 01:21:56,858 that Mrs. Pickler is running for Governor. 1163 01:21:56,859 --> 01:21:59,660 The word on the street is that the big man himself 1164 01:21:59,661 --> 01:22:02,562 came to her in a vision and told her to run. 1165 01:22:02,563 --> 01:22:04,632 Sounds kinda messed up to me. 1166 01:22:04,633 --> 01:22:08,638 But a lot of people seem to really like what she stands for. 1167 01:22:09,638 --> 01:22:11,872 Mr. Ethan says it's because she panders 1168 01:22:11,873 --> 01:22:14,442 to the lowest common something-or-other. 1169 01:22:14,443 --> 01:22:18,946 But I think people actually kinda like her. 1170 01:22:18,948 --> 01:22:22,550 Still, if there's even the slightest chance she'll win, 1171 01:22:22,551 --> 01:22:25,887 I'm fixing to team up with some bad-ass ninjas 1172 01:22:25,888 --> 01:22:30,859 to march down to Des Moines and kick her butt. 1173 01:22:30,860 --> 01:22:32,837 "Keep Marchin'" 1174 01:22:39,837 --> 01:22:41,672 Mark! 1175 01:22:42,672 --> 01:22:45,774 Excuse me. Let me just try that again. 1176 01:22:45,775 --> 01:22:48,810 My father raped me. 1177 01:22:48,811 --> 01:22:50,813 Oops! 1178 01:22:50,814 --> 01:22:53,416 What if the whole place is a vacuum? 1179 01:22:53,417 --> 01:22:54,850 And you turn inside-out? 1180 01:22:54,851 --> 01:22:56,886 And your internal organs implode? 1181 01:22:56,887 --> 01:23:00,657 - You had your boobs done? - Thanks for noticing. 1182 01:23:00,658 --> 01:23:01,891 They look great. 1183 01:23:04,727 --> 01:23:06,929 You are so warm and minty. 1184 01:23:06,931 --> 01:23:08,865 Ooh! 1185 01:23:08,866 --> 01:23:11,503 There could be a Miley Cyrus concert. 1186 01:23:11,504 --> 01:23:14,938 There could be a Justin Bieber concert ready to break out. 1187 01:23:14,939 --> 01:23:17,308 Bob, I saw your penis. 1188 01:23:17,309 --> 01:23:19,044 Don't look at me. 1189 01:23:19,045 --> 01:23:21,879 My name is Kenneth. I'm Bob's brother. 1190 01:23:21,880 --> 01:23:23,783 But I will definitely... 1191 01:23:24,783 --> 01:23:27,084 Bob, I'm gonna shit on your lawn. 1192 01:23:27,085 --> 01:23:29,486 I can't, I can't say it. Ahh! 1193 01:23:29,487 --> 01:23:31,722 What if this place is full of piranhas? 1194 01:23:31,723 --> 01:23:33,091 That have learned how to walk? 1195 01:23:33,092 --> 01:23:36,061 Could be full of vegetarians. 1196 01:23:36,062 --> 01:23:39,030 Bob, I'm gonna shit on your lawn. 1197 01:23:39,031 --> 01:23:43,004 - Yeah. Mm. - That's disgusting. 1198 01:23:45,004 --> 01:23:47,004 You're disgusting. 1199 01:23:47,005 --> 01:23:49,507 You can take down Laura Pickler. 1200 01:23:49,508 --> 01:23:55,013 You can take down that pasty, white ass and make... Sorry. 1201 01:23:55,014 --> 01:23:57,683 Not "take down that ass." No. 1202 01:23:57,685 --> 01:24:01,596 Hey, look... Sweet baby Jesus. 1203 01:24:09,596 --> 01:24:12,599 It could be a Republican party fundraiser. 1204 01:24:12,600 --> 01:24:15,735 You tell Orval that this isn't over. 1205 01:24:15,736 --> 01:24:17,903 It's just not, right? 1206 01:24:17,904 --> 01:24:20,006 Move it, bitches! 1207 01:24:20,007 --> 01:24:22,576 - Oops! - Cut!