1 00:-01:-38,-011 --> 00:-01:-35,-681 A New World enslaved. 2 00:-01:-33,-381 --> 00:-01:-29,-958 This is a land, in need of a HERO. 3 00:-01:-29,-957 --> 00:-01:-27,-654 They call him, 4 00:-01:-27,-653 --> 00:-01:-23,-511 'Machete'...(echoes) Machete...! Machete! 5 00:-01:-21,-082 --> 00:-01:-19,-442 He knows the score. 6 00:-01:-19,-441 --> 00:-01:-18,-290 We need a leader. 7 00:-01:-18,-289 --> 00:-01:-16,-264 We need a revolution. 8 00:-01:-16,-263 --> 00:-01:-13,-768 We need you, Machete. 9 00:-01:-13,-767 --> 00:-01:-12,-806 He gets the space Babes. 10 00:-01:-09,-308 --> 00:-01:-08,-085 This is all new network. 11 00:-01:-06,-992 --> 00:-01:-04,-605 Its all.. galacticky shit. 12 00:-01:-04,-604 --> 00:-01:-03,-522 Thinks he is God in Heaven. 13 00:-01:00,-823 --> 00:00:-59,-215 So, heaven must fall. 14 00:00:-59,-214 --> 00:00:-56,-201 And, kills the bad guys! 15 00:00:-56,-200 --> 00:00:-54,-029 Starring, Danny Trejo. 16 00:00:-54,-028 --> 00:00:-52,-066 Michelle Rodriguez. 17 00:00:-48,-771 --> 00:00:-47,-004 Alexa Vega. 18 00:00:-47,-003 --> 00:00:-44,-268 With Justin Bieber as Bleeps. 19 00:00:-40,-879 --> 00:00:-39,-613 And Lady GaGa as.. 20 00:00:-37,-759 --> 00:00:-35,-644 Whoever, she wants to be. 21 00:00:-33,-923 --> 00:00:-32,-214 With special guest star.. 22 00:00:-30,-909 --> 00:00:-27,-596 Leonardo DiCaprio as.. 23 00:00:-27,-595 --> 00:00:-26,-513 The man in The Silver Mask. 24 00:00:-23,-100 --> 00:00:-21,-713 * actors subject to change. 25 00:00:-19,-826 --> 00:00:-18,-057 Machete Kills Again.. 26 00:00:-16,-142 --> 00:00:-14,-441 In Space. 27 00:00:-12,-871 --> 00:00:-09,-268 Rated X for cigarette use, prolonged sexual content, pervasive language and space violence. 28 00:00:04,663 --> 00:00:09,440 Arizona/Mexico Border 29 00:00:45,418 --> 00:00:47,161 Where the fuck are they? 30 00:00:47,162 --> 00:00:49,830 Freeze it, assholes. 31 00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:52,261 I.C.E you are under arrest! 32 00:00:54,856 --> 00:00:55,994 Stay down. 33 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,046 Immigration? 34 00:00:59,047 --> 00:01:00,200 What the fuck is this? 35 00:01:00,201 --> 00:01:01,351 What the fuck does it look like? 36 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,285 Get your ass on the ground. 37 00:01:03,286 --> 00:01:04,592 Sweetheart, 38 00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:07,206 I lives wherever the strapped dick you rode in on. 39 00:01:13,275 --> 00:01:14,604 Don't call me sweetheart. 40 00:01:17,521 --> 00:01:19,920 Move and I'll blow your brains out. 41 00:01:19,921 --> 00:01:22,322 You can't! You're not in your jurisdiction. We are the god damned Military! 42 00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:25,597 You are selling military weapons to the Cartel. 43 00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:28,844 Did you really think, that they're gonna pay you? 44 00:01:30,143 --> 00:01:31,688 You are lucky, we got here first. 45 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,865 - Osa quererte. 46 00:02:05,866 --> 00:02:09,347 - About God damned time, you fuckwads were supposed to be waiting. 47 00:02:19,351 --> 00:02:20,707 Save this two for me. 48 00:02:31,676 --> 00:02:32,786 I know you. 49 00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:36,388 You are Machete. Enemy of the cartels. 50 00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,262 Its my lucky day. 51 00:02:39,138 --> 00:02:40,641 A man who kills a legend.. 52 00:02:40,642 --> 00:02:42,527 Becomes a legend himself. 53 00:03:09,432 --> 00:03:10,702 Let's go in. 54 00:03:10,703 --> 00:03:11,715 No, he said quererte. 55 00:03:11,716 --> 00:03:14,719 This guys didn't come here for just couple of used M-16s. 56 00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:17,834 - Let's go, it's aborted. - You're the one who taught me that the law and justice 57 00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:20,235 aren't always the same thing. 58 00:03:20,236 --> 00:03:22,634 We gotta stop 'em. 59 00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:06,355 Oh Shit. 60 00:04:10,991 --> 00:04:12,810 I wish, you hadn't seen this. 61 00:04:54,841 --> 00:04:57,746 That's quite a resume you got there, Taco. 62 00:04:57,747 --> 00:05:01,469 I mean, one might consider you'd be a bit of an over-achiever when it comes to killing people. 63 00:05:02,039 --> 00:05:04,970 I bet, you consider yourself- a mean bobber scooter, Don't you? 64 00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:10,282 Specially now, we got 24 Cartel boys laid out in pieces all over my desert. 65 00:05:10,835 --> 00:05:12,190 Well, I got News for you..Taco. 66 00:05:12,782 --> 00:05:14,633 They were the reserves, 67 00:05:14,634 --> 00:05:16,508 They's the (?) 68 00:05:16,509 --> 00:05:18,723 They're the red-headed Mongoloid runs. Los Querpos. 69 00:05:19,881 --> 00:05:24,275 Los Querpos don't take kindly to strangers disciplining their own. 70 00:05:24,276 --> 00:05:25,838 Can I get an 'Amen' on that, Clebourne? 71 00:05:26,065 --> 00:05:27,118 - Amen, Sir. 72 00:05:28,071 --> 00:05:29,632 See, here is the bad news for you Taco. 73 00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:33,211 I never wanna place a vigilante on this parts. 74 00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:37,653 Since, you just killed yourself a federal officer.. 75 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,105 I'm about to have me and mine, 76 00:05:40,994 --> 00:05:42,253 A hog-killing good time. 77 00:05:43,031 --> 00:05:43,851 I didn't kill her. 78 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:47,059 Tometo..tomato. 79 00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:50,497 Let's not get hung up on the details. Shall we? 80 00:05:50,498 --> 00:05:52,098 Drop him, Clebourne. 81 00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:25,164 I'll be god damned. 82 00:06:25,921 --> 00:06:27,122 They say, he doesn't die..sir. 83 00:06:28,871 --> 00:06:30,229 He's been shot.. 84 00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:31,141 Stabbed. 85 00:06:31,998 --> 00:06:33,302 Doesn't ever die. 86 00:06:34,072 --> 00:06:35,615 Bull fucking shit, 87 00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:37,969 This Pedro has got a thick neck, that's all. 88 00:06:46,642 --> 00:06:47,952 Sheriff, it's for you. 89 00:06:49,027 --> 00:06:50,797 Damn sure ain't the governor. 90 00:06:51,831 --> 00:06:53,009 It's The President. 91 00:07:01,069 --> 00:07:02,690 Yeah? 92 00:07:02,691 --> 00:07:04,962 Of Course, Mr. President. Yes, Sir. 93 00:07:26,903 --> 00:07:28,443 This is Machete. 94 00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:33,149 Custom Subtitle by Klick3R 95 00:09:16,437 --> 00:09:18,052 South West Wing. 96 00:09:20,835 --> 00:09:21,956 Machete. 97 00:09:22,657 --> 00:09:23,924 Welcome to The White House. 98 00:09:26,071 --> 00:09:27,459 Good thing we got you, when we did. 99 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,129 Southern hospitality can be a bitch. 100 00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:32,436 - Why am I here? - Right to the point. 101 00:09:32,437 --> 00:09:33,398 I like that. 102 00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:35,301 No, bullshit. 103 00:09:37,424 --> 00:09:38,985 I'm a bit of a no bullshit guy, myself. 104 00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:40,794 So.. 105 00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:42,307 All bullshit aside... 106 00:09:42,308 --> 00:09:43,267 - Get someone else. 107 00:09:49,029 --> 00:09:50,391 We need you, Machete. 108 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,936 We got a situation in our hands. 109 00:09:52,937 --> 00:09:56,299 There's a revolutionary south of the border name, Marcos Mendez. You've heard of him? 110 00:09:57,395 --> 00:09:58,997 He is..he's crazy. He is out of his mind. 111 00:10:00,615 --> 00:10:02,378 He's got a missile, aimed at Washington. 112 00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:05,997 He says, he is gonna blow us up, if we don't invade Mexico 113 00:10:06,574 --> 00:10:09,297 Clean up the Cartels. Stop the violence spreading across the country. 114 00:10:09,970 --> 00:10:11,211 - What's that gotta do with me? 115 00:10:11,754 --> 00:10:13,612 The basic violation of Sovereignty aside; 116 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,572 We can't take the bait. 117 00:10:15,954 --> 00:10:18,523 However, you know Mexico. Hell, you are 'Mexico'. 118 00:10:19,089 --> 00:10:21,037 I want you ahead, make cells.. 119 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,207 Find Mendez.. 120 00:10:23,135 --> 00:10:24,165 And just, check him out. 121 00:10:26,024 --> 00:10:27,615 But if, what he is saying is true... 122 00:10:29,207 --> 00:10:30,066 Kill him. 123 00:10:31,643 --> 00:10:32,686 - Not interested. 124 00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:38,260 Motherfucker, I'm not asking if you are interested. 125 00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,690 I am the President of United fucking States, Man. 126 00:10:46,802 --> 00:10:48,071 - Machete don't smoke. 127 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,567 I could just as easily, send you back to your pals. 128 00:10:53,934 --> 00:10:56,745 Hang you high in Arizona. The way I see it.. 129 00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,448 You ain't got much to chew on, Hombre. 130 00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:03,563 You know, what this is? 131 00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,284 Your criminal record. 132 00:11:07,385 --> 00:11:09,231 Do this for us... 133 00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:11,435 it's gone. 134 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:13,753 Your past no longer exist. 135 00:11:14,634 --> 00:11:16,297 I'm making you 'legal'. 136 00:11:16,298 --> 00:11:19,525 You don't have to sign on anything, raise your hand and non of that shit. 137 00:11:19,526 --> 00:11:22,020 I just stamp this bad motherfucker... 138 00:11:23,387 --> 00:11:25,865 You are now, an official citizen of the U.S.A. 139 00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,110 I just saved you from your noose. 140 00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:34,064 Save me from mine. 141 00:11:36,986 --> 00:11:37,976 Do it for your country. 142 00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:39,687 Your new country. 143 00:11:41,545 --> 00:11:43,546 Isn't that what your dead girlfriend would've want? 144 00:11:44,016 --> 00:11:47,669 Agent Sartana. 145 00:11:49,656 --> 00:11:51,336 If you don't wanna do this for me, Machete. 146 00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:53,937 Do it, for her. 147 00:12:04,786 --> 00:12:06,557 Your contact is in San Antionio. 148 00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:09,121 She'll brief you, and get you across the border over the wall. 149 00:12:10,469 --> 00:12:12,562 Your nation owes you a debt of gratitude, Machete. 150 00:12:13,748 --> 00:12:14,836 Go kick some ass. 151 00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:17,709 Ladies and Gentleman. 152 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:19,872 El Ray's Network very own, Miss Texas Pageant Presents- 153 00:12:21,298 --> 00:12:23,776 Miss San Antonio. 154 00:12:25,642 --> 00:12:26,971 What do I believe? 155 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,832 I believe in the word 'equality'. 156 00:12:30,339 --> 00:12:31,901 I believe in a woman's right to choose. 157 00:12:32,379 --> 00:12:34,779 Choose what? A snow cone if that's what you're in the mood for. 158 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:37,180 I believe in a good barbeque, the two steps.. 159 00:12:37,181 --> 00:12:38,586 And the right to carry a gun. 160 00:12:38,587 --> 00:12:41,262 World Peace? Sure, why not? 161 00:12:41,263 --> 00:12:43,662 But if you really wanna talk about World Peace.. we have to start by tearing down 162 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,063 that wall, that's seperating us from Mexico. That wall - 163 00:12:46,064 --> 00:12:48,466 only enables us to ignore the violence and injustice 164 00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:52,509 that is occuring down there. Thus, making 'World Peace' nothing more than a beauty pageant pipe dream. 165 00:12:53,795 --> 00:12:58,459 God Bless, Texas. 166 00:13:19,669 --> 00:13:21,194 You must be Machete. 167 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:27,744 Blanca Vasquez, call me Miss San Antonio. 168 00:13:28,846 --> 00:13:31,128 I'll be hand delivering the directions of your assignment. 169 00:13:31,631 --> 00:13:35,950 You didn't do a stitch and I'll be the one who know what's what? The who's who. 170 00:13:35,951 --> 00:13:36,477 The where's where. 171 00:13:36,478 --> 00:13:36,978 Entiendes? 172 00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:41,378 Try not to be distracted by the cleavage and the hair spray. 173 00:13:41,581 --> 00:13:43,979 It's part of my cover. 174 00:13:52,129 --> 00:13:53,605 What happened to world peace? 175 00:13:53,606 --> 00:13:54,764 Fuck world peace. 176 00:13:54,765 --> 00:13:55,984 Import carbine long range. 177 00:13:56,772 --> 00:13:58,855 With reflex sides .. 178 00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:00,546 Customised trigger. 179 00:14:00,547 --> 00:14:03,426 Fast enought to drop jack rabbit on roller skates. 180 00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:04,733 That is of course.. 181 00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:07,326 If you happen to come across jackrabbit on roller skates 182 00:14:07,327 --> 00:14:09,142 or my personal favourite.. 183 00:14:09,143 --> 00:14:10,563 The grab fire. 184 00:14:10,564 --> 00:14:14,674 Fires up to 30 yards. Good for when you've got to scratch those hard to reach places. 185 00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:19,033 - I like this. - I like your style. Low tech. 186 00:14:20,239 --> 00:14:22,706 But this ain't your mom's hand gun. 187 00:14:23,426 --> 00:14:25,444 Consider this as Swiss Army knives Machetes. 188 00:14:27,746 --> 00:14:28,734 Machete. 189 00:14:30,253 --> 00:14:31,703 Tell me about Mendez. 190 00:14:33,145 --> 00:14:35,347 Marcos Mendez is the most sicken twisted fucking bastard 191 00:14:35,699 --> 00:14:37,955 if've ever have to keep my tabs on. 192 00:14:37,956 --> 00:14:41,502 People down south calls him Marcos 'the mad man'. 193 00:14:41,503 --> 00:14:42,783 He used to run with Los Quertos. 194 00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:44,605 Till, one day..he wakes up and decides 195 00:14:44,699 --> 00:14:47,415 he's gonna turn on the cartel. Funding from the people. 196 00:14:48,002 --> 00:14:50,219 We figure he is laying in the jungles and marsh lands 197 00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:51,180 but our Satellite cannot pinpoint him. 198 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,185 Our only lead is this prize winner. 199 00:14:54,764 --> 00:14:57,259 Working girl. Goes by the name of Cereza. 200 00:14:57,260 --> 00:14:59,526 You find her.. you find Mendez. 201 00:14:59,527 --> 00:15:00,680 Where can I find her? 202 00:15:00,681 --> 00:15:01,303 In Acapulco. 203 00:15:01,304 --> 00:15:03,745 With confirmation address linking her to brothel in dust city. 204 00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:05,731 Ah..uh ah. 205 00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:06,615 First.. 206 00:15:07,624 --> 00:15:08,905 I might need something from you. 207 00:15:09,237 --> 00:15:11,061 See..even here. People talk about 'Machete'. 208 00:15:13,089 --> 00:15:14,163 The man.. 209 00:15:15,893 --> 00:15:16,861 The Myth. 210 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,591 The Legend. 211 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,912 I just wanna know the legend, inside and out. 212 00:15:22,913 --> 00:15:25,882 I just lost someone. 213 00:15:29,118 --> 00:15:32,231 Why don't you let me turn that bad upside down, Papi. 214 00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:12,210 A lot has changed since then. 215 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,563 Acapulco is the war zone. 216 00:16:16,372 --> 00:16:17,975 I'm dropping you right in the middle of it. 217 00:16:17,976 --> 00:16:19,126 Here. 218 00:16:19,127 --> 00:16:21,238 Direct line to yours truly. 219 00:16:21,239 --> 00:16:24,673 If you need to you just press ? and phone home. 220 00:16:24,674 --> 00:16:25,634 For calls, text..tweets. 221 00:16:27,168 --> 00:16:28,844 Machete, don't tweet. 222 00:16:28,845 --> 00:16:30,817 You do now. 223 00:16:32,247 --> 00:16:33,014 Ready for this? 224 00:17:01,884 --> 00:17:02,925 Alright! 225 00:17:02,926 --> 00:17:03,966 For all of you new girls.. 226 00:17:04,873 --> 00:17:06,323 It's special 'Pussy Tuesday'. 227 00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:11,673 Keep your panties dropped on your legs spread and your snatch well oiled. 228 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,219 Cos your not walking any straight lines tomorrow. 229 00:17:14,949 --> 00:17:17,349 Cos you know, every jerk off 230 00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:19,750 low life from this side of your grande 231 00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:22,304 is gonna barge through that door 232 00:17:22,305 --> 00:17:24,062 as soon as the sun comes down. 233 00:17:24,063 --> 00:17:26,866 So, get em off and get them out. 234 00:17:28,202 --> 00:17:30,602 And ladies, every stiff 235 00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:34,877 pecker partners pays to play. No freebies. 236 00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,988 Those are house rules. 237 00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:40,388 Throw on something. In five minutes. 238 00:17:42,556 --> 00:17:43,702 You are early, handsome. 239 00:17:44,290 --> 00:17:45,805 But then, again... 240 00:17:45,806 --> 00:17:48,023 the early bird gets the fresh head. 241 00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:50,830 I'm looking for a girl. 242 00:17:50,831 --> 00:17:53,643 - And I'm looking at a guy that came to the right place. 243 00:17:53,644 --> 00:17:54,325 Pick your poison. 244 00:17:55,287 --> 00:17:56,774 This is the one, I want. 245 00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:01,865 Why this one? 246 00:18:02,576 --> 00:18:03,689 The best in Mexico. 247 00:18:04,305 --> 00:18:05,746 Have a seat on the couch, Sugar boy. 248 00:18:06,658 --> 00:18:07,740 I'll go fetch her, for you. 249 00:18:33,138 --> 00:18:34,289 Where is the girl? 250 00:18:35,039 --> 00:18:36,305 Upstairs. 251 00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:37,707 Room 6. 252 00:18:37,708 --> 00:18:42,356 But don't go. You'll miss the big show. 253 00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:56,850 Kill him! 254 00:19:03,055 --> 00:19:06,377 Who the fuck are you? - Machete. 255 00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:10,785 I've heard nice news of you. You want me to get something? 256 00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,035 Take me. 257 00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:14,995 Now. 258 00:19:25,812 --> 00:19:27,591 I said, No freebies. 259 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,395 You know, the first thing we are taught is how to defend ourselves. 260 00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:35,735 Anyone of us could've killed you. 261 00:19:37,169 --> 00:19:38,974 You think my mom had fight? 262 00:19:39,552 --> 00:19:41,113 Mendez is gonna cut you like a Gay man. 263 00:19:41,588 --> 00:19:42,950 - That was your Mother? 264 00:19:43,988 --> 00:19:45,937 You are here to kill him, aren't you? 265 00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:48,146 Look, don't be a fucking hero man. 266 00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:52,191 Mendez is many things. But, merciful is not one of 'em. 267 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,233 He will skin you alive, if you lay your hands on me. 268 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,461 I am his 'Cereza'. His Virgin. 269 00:19:58,649 --> 00:20:01,226 Mendez isn't who you think, he is. 270 00:20:01,227 --> 00:20:04,458 The terrible things he did. He did it for perfectly greater good! 271 00:20:04,459 --> 00:20:07,496 What he truly wants, is a better Mexico. 272 00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,278 Mechete, you have to promise me. 273 00:20:10,058 --> 00:20:11,369 Spare his life. 274 00:20:11,370 --> 00:20:12,522 And help him. 275 00:20:12,523 --> 00:20:14,613 Please, Machete? 276 00:20:15,809 --> 00:20:17,459 If you've ever loved anyone. 277 00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:20,063 You would understand. 278 00:20:29,546 --> 00:20:31,091 Do nothing. Say, nothing. 279 00:20:31,092 --> 00:20:31,904 I'll handle it. 280 00:20:36,105 --> 00:20:37,426 Who is this? 281 00:20:37,427 --> 00:20:38,925 He's a bodyguard. 282 00:20:38,926 --> 00:20:44,592 Mother's orders. Go ahead, Zoren call it in. 283 00:21:00,962 --> 00:21:04,343 See, here's the thing. He's lost his mind. 284 00:21:04,344 --> 00:21:05,585 There are two sides to him now. 285 00:21:06,754 --> 00:21:11,001 Somedays, he is Mendez - The Revolutionary fighting for the people. 286 00:21:11,002 --> 00:21:12,112 In other days... 287 00:21:12,113 --> 00:21:14,398 He is Mendez - The Mad Man. 288 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,343 Relieving his Cartel glory. 289 00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:20,050 Its a toss up, which one you are gonna get. 290 00:21:20,051 --> 00:21:22,647 So, he'll either hug you or he will kill you. 291 00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:25,435 His condition gets worst everyday. 292 00:21:27,322 --> 00:21:30,548 Boss has a message for you, Machete. 293 00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,322 End of message. 294 00:22:07,016 --> 00:22:09,647 Look..what the little whore dragged in. 295 00:22:10,253 --> 00:22:11,626 Machete Cortel! 296 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,430 Yes, I've heard your story. 297 00:22:16,688 --> 00:22:18,444 People still sings songs about you. 298 00:22:20,597 --> 00:22:23,842 Raise your hand...! If you've sung a song - 299 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,351 about our friend, Machete here. 300 00:22:34,774 --> 00:22:38,134 The only son of a bitch needs praise a song around here, 301 00:22:38,135 --> 00:22:41,032 is me. 302 00:22:41,033 --> 00:22:41,994 Tell me, Mahchete.. 303 00:22:43,225 --> 00:22:44,706 What did you think of my Cereza?..heh 304 00:22:45,203 --> 00:22:48,766 It's a shame, I had to let her go. But, by bringing you here... 305 00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,003 She betrayed me. 306 00:22:51,657 --> 00:22:53,695 She was trying to save you. 307 00:22:53,696 --> 00:22:54,849 You know what this is? 308 00:22:54,850 --> 00:23:00,516 This is the end of my I-plan to fire off the ass of the united states. 309 00:23:00,517 --> 00:23:01,452 Why Mendez? 310 00:23:02,606 --> 00:23:05,150 Cos our people don't need songs or stories. 311 00:23:06,122 --> 00:23:07,618 They need 'action'! 312 00:23:07,619 --> 00:23:09,434 There is other ways. 313 00:23:09,435 --> 00:23:11,095 The motherfuckers run this country. 314 00:23:11,856 --> 00:23:13,439 The corrupt politicians.. 315 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,851 The media hiding the truths... 316 00:23:15,516 --> 00:23:18,117 The Cartels..killing anything and anyone who stands in their path. 317 00:23:18,761 --> 00:23:19,817 The U.S - 318 00:23:20,701 --> 00:23:22,063 is responsible for a lot of these. 319 00:23:22,516 --> 00:23:25,584 Since, they will take care of their part of the problem; 320 00:23:25,585 --> 00:23:28,158 We will send our part of the problem, to them! 321 00:23:28,159 --> 00:23:29,891 You are crazy. 322 00:23:33,340 --> 00:23:34,702 I know why, you are here, Machete. 323 00:23:35,770 --> 00:23:38,112 You work for the enemy now, huh? 324 00:23:43,079 --> 00:23:44,529 I got news for you, Cabron. 325 00:23:44,530 --> 00:23:45,920 Killing me ain't in the card. 326 00:23:46,681 --> 00:23:49,168 Cos I am, the king fucking wrath 327 00:23:49,994 --> 00:23:51,760 of Mexico, Motherfucker. 328 00:23:51,761 --> 00:23:54,382 Thanks to my good Doctor here. 329 00:23:54,969 --> 00:23:56,572 The missile's launch system, 330 00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:58,743 is linked... 331 00:23:58,744 --> 00:24:01,334 right into my heart. 332 00:24:01,335 --> 00:24:03,033 So, if my heart stops beating. 333 00:24:03,034 --> 00:24:06,842 Washington will become the bright shining light, we always thought it was. 334 00:24:08,818 --> 00:24:10,749 I'll disarm it. 335 00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:14,830 There is only two men in the world who knows how to do that. 336 00:24:15,724 --> 00:24:16,723 Correction-One. 337 00:24:17,270 --> 00:24:18,785 Who's the other one? 338 00:24:18,786 --> 00:24:21,193 The one who created this beautiful device, of course. 339 00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:22,495 Since, he lives in the U.S 340 00:24:22,496 --> 00:24:25,711 I'm afraid you are fucked. 341 00:24:26,595 --> 00:24:28,814 You have failed. 342 00:24:30,929 --> 00:24:33,271 Machete, don't fail. 343 00:24:43,075 --> 00:24:44,516 What you gonna do? You wanna kill me? 344 00:24:46,804 --> 00:24:48,638 I ain't gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill your men. 345 00:24:48,639 --> 00:24:51,226 Steal your chopper and get you over the wall. 346 00:24:51,227 --> 00:24:52,379 - Leave him to me. 347 00:24:52,380 --> 00:24:54,853 Find the other one, who can disarm you. 348 00:24:56,435 --> 00:24:57,988 Shoot me! 349 00:25:05,289 --> 00:25:06,887 Let me take care of him. 350 00:25:06,888 --> 00:25:10,410 Please. 351 00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,782 Even if we get out of here alive, my men are instructed to put a bomb through my head. 352 00:25:37,358 --> 00:25:38,480 Ten Million dollars. 353 00:25:41,862 --> 00:25:43,102 The best part is... 354 00:25:43,767 --> 00:25:48,026 Fail safe - my ticking heart. We just went live. 355 00:25:49,078 --> 00:25:50,449 We got 24 hours my friend. 356 00:25:53,717 --> 00:25:56,759 That 10 million dollars, if the assassins don't get it..the cartels will. 357 00:26:46,348 --> 00:26:48,518 - Yeah? - What's the status? 358 00:26:48,519 --> 00:26:49,670 Is he dead? 359 00:26:49,671 --> 00:26:52,307 I have Mendez in custody, in the chopper. 360 00:26:52,308 --> 00:26:54,411 - He is alive. - Wait a second. 361 00:26:58,569 --> 00:26:59,008 Machete.. 362 00:26:59,009 --> 00:27:01,130 What's this I hear about you having Mendez in custody? 363 00:27:01,784 --> 00:27:03,744 - Thing's got complicated. - No shit. 364 00:27:03,745 --> 00:27:04,898 You were supposed to take him out. 365 00:27:04,899 --> 00:27:06,900 Not give him a joy ride, and get him some lollipop. 366 00:27:06,901 --> 00:27:09,432 Damn it! I didn't recruit you for your sense of compassion. 367 00:27:09,433 --> 00:27:10,485 Machete..Kills! 368 00:27:11,649 --> 00:27:12,767 That's what he does. 369 00:27:12,768 --> 00:27:13,968 He doesn't save..the bad guys. 370 00:27:14,287 --> 00:27:15,806 Now, shoot that Motherfucker! 371 00:27:15,807 --> 00:27:16,689 - If he dies, you die. 372 00:27:16,690 --> 00:27:18,771 The Missile's wired to his heart. - Come, come again? 373 00:27:21,193 --> 00:27:23,593 - Machete, can it be disarmed? - Only, where it was made. 374 00:27:26,071 --> 00:27:29,760 - Voztech. - Voztech is the biggest weapon supplyer to our military. 375 00:27:29,761 --> 00:27:31,672 You wanna bring him back all the way to the fucking manufacturer? 376 00:27:31,673 --> 00:27:36,051 I need your help getting him across the border. This part is upsetting me. 377 00:27:36,052 --> 00:27:37,079 - I'm feeling it. - Not happening. 378 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,691 The last time I sent a black ops team into Mexico, they got dead and I got the Oval Ass fuck. 379 00:27:40,692 --> 00:27:41,659 You are on your own, Machete. 380 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:44,515 We cannot help you, until you're out of Mexico, You hear me? 381 00:27:44,516 --> 00:27:46,517 Now, get the hell out of there, As fast as you can. 382 00:27:47,054 --> 00:27:49,849 Machete, double time it to the border. I'll assist you as much as possible.. 383 00:27:49,850 --> 00:27:52,007 But you've got to move your ass! 384 00:29:06,938 --> 00:29:08,080 What happened? 385 00:29:11,393 --> 00:29:12,690 You don't remember? 386 00:29:14,688 --> 00:29:16,129 I'm in this condition, I am afraid.. 387 00:29:17,666 --> 00:29:21,176 I seem to switch my personality, unexpectedly. 388 00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:22,337 - You tried to kill yourself. 389 00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:25,559 You strapped a bomb to your chest. 390 00:29:28,916 --> 00:29:29,916 The fail safe defense are 391 00:29:30,717 --> 00:29:32,320 already in motion. 392 00:29:32,908 --> 00:29:34,539 I am Marcos Mendez. 393 00:29:35,108 --> 00:29:37,007 Leader of the revolution. And you are? 394 00:29:37,835 --> 00:29:39,207 - Machete. 395 00:29:39,794 --> 00:29:44,360 - I've heard of you. People sings songs about you.. - We've had this talk already. C'mon, get up. 396 00:29:45,672 --> 00:29:47,284 - I didn't hurt anyone, did I? 397 00:29:48,419 --> 00:29:49,753 You had Cereza Killed. 398 00:29:51,482 --> 00:29:53,018 Aaah.. 399 00:29:55,401 --> 00:29:56,477 Then, I must.. 400 00:29:57,494 --> 00:29:58,820 I must die. 401 00:30:00,501 --> 00:30:03,178 I'd lay down my life, for the cause. 402 00:30:03,179 --> 00:30:04,700 And if you choose to be in my company, 403 00:30:05,648 --> 00:30:08,860 I fear, you will become a casualty as well. 404 00:30:10,105 --> 00:30:11,506 Come on. 405 00:30:52,458 --> 00:30:54,459 You should've kept up with your spanish there, son. 406 00:30:54,746 --> 00:30:57,674 Sounds like, we maybe able to string up this Pi? Ta after all. 407 00:30:58,703 --> 00:31:03,966 Let's get on it, Clayborn. 408 00:31:15,539 --> 00:31:18,600 You wouldn't happen to have a Popsicle to stick up my ass would you? 409 00:31:22,042 --> 00:31:25,422 A martini... extra dirty. 410 00:31:26,192 --> 00:31:29,331 Two olives.. - all we have is tequila and chango. 411 00:31:29,332 --> 00:31:30,290 Right. 412 00:31:31,339 --> 00:31:33,748 For a moment there, I forgot I was in the blackhole of sophistication, 413 00:31:33,749 --> 00:31:34,969 Chango it is. 414 00:31:38,310 --> 00:31:41,722 Although, your new selection of mexican beer is not what brings me here. 415 00:31:41,723 --> 00:31:43,045 - So, what does? - You do, Carlos. 416 00:31:50,442 --> 00:31:51,715 But it can't be. 417 00:31:51,716 --> 00:31:53,629 They say, you don't have a face. 418 00:31:53,630 --> 00:31:56,204 They say, you don't exist. - I may not exist... 419 00:31:56,205 --> 00:31:57,980 But this gun, does. 420 00:31:57,981 --> 00:31:59,132 You don't have to do this. 421 00:31:59,133 --> 00:32:02,717 You can tell whoever hired you, that I'll give back the money... 422 00:32:02,718 --> 00:32:06,337 - This isn't about the money, Carlos. It is about my employer... it's about ethics. 423 00:32:07,296 --> 00:32:11,686 Now, if I don't shoot you square in the face, I will be violating a... 424 00:32:11,687 --> 00:32:13,365 contractual obligation and all that... 425 00:32:13,366 --> 00:32:17,867 'Don't' beg emotional confrontation makes me very uncomfortable. 426 00:32:19,442 --> 00:32:21,106 How much for the chango. 427 00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:24,354 - Fifty cents. - I'm gonna give you seventy five. 428 00:32:24,355 --> 00:32:26,731 Do you have a change for a dollar? 429 00:32:48,644 --> 00:32:50,440 I don't know where the hell we are. 430 00:32:52,918 --> 00:32:54,174 Excuse me? 431 00:32:56,932 --> 00:32:59,658 We are a little lost.. any chance you could steer us to Leon? 432 00:33:00,227 --> 00:33:01,628 I could. 433 00:33:02,830 --> 00:33:05,158 The trouble is.. you've seen my face. 434 00:33:05,768 --> 00:33:07,383 And I have just changed. 435 00:33:16,007 --> 00:33:17,119 I'm truly sorry, Ma'm. 436 00:33:18,581 --> 00:33:22,401 It's just a matter of time and place, not being in your favour. 437 00:33:43,663 --> 00:33:44,241 Man eater. 438 00:33:45,549 --> 00:33:48,868 That's what they used to call me when I was just little girl. 439 00:33:50,092 --> 00:33:51,331 I didn't know what that meant. 440 00:33:52,022 --> 00:33:54,106 That never stopped my daddy, 441 00:33:54,107 --> 00:33:56,930 coming into my bed after a night of drinking. 442 00:34:00,092 --> 00:34:01,145 So, one night... 443 00:34:02,319 --> 00:34:04,585 I gave him what he deserved. 444 00:34:06,637 --> 00:34:10,224 I chewed his balls off with my teeth. 445 00:34:12,909 --> 00:34:14,331 The next day.. 446 00:34:14,332 --> 00:34:18,328 I went to school with pieces of him, still in my braces. 447 00:34:20,743 --> 00:34:23,372 I became what he always said I was. 448 00:34:23,373 --> 00:34:24,590 A Man eater! 449 00:34:28,222 --> 00:34:32,762 I despise men, I can't trust them. 450 00:34:32,763 --> 00:34:36,027 And that pussy clouds their minds. 451 00:34:37,328 --> 00:34:39,621 And now my little Cereza lays dead 452 00:34:40,611 --> 00:34:42,781 Because of that reason. 453 00:34:45,343 --> 00:34:47,830 And that's where you come in. 454 00:34:49,054 --> 00:34:52,078 Just a random selection. 455 00:34:52,079 --> 00:34:54,390 And that you might be, 456 00:34:54,391 --> 00:34:56,715 You still remind me of my own Papi. 457 00:35:05,169 --> 00:35:06,139 Madam? 458 00:35:07,072 --> 00:35:08,434 - Yes? - We found them. 459 00:35:09,002 --> 00:35:11,021 Mendez and Machete. 460 00:35:11,022 --> 00:35:12,173 - Bring me my Double Ds. 461 00:35:12,174 --> 00:35:14,337 Gather all the girls. 462 00:35:14,338 --> 00:35:17,547 We are going to avenge.. my Cereza. 463 00:35:29,036 --> 00:35:30,850 You read my mind, Machete. 464 00:35:33,129 --> 00:35:35,371 Yes, yup yup. This is the perfect place for my last meal. 465 00:35:39,899 --> 00:35:43,927 Give me and my friend here, a plate of your finest Cabrito. 466 00:35:43,928 --> 00:35:44,653 And.. 467 00:35:45,853 --> 00:35:47,850 Give us some bread and wine too. 468 00:35:47,851 --> 00:35:48,811 Thank you. 469 00:36:13,082 --> 00:36:14,710 See, Machete.. 470 00:36:14,711 --> 00:36:17,398 You are the only one, who doesn't want me dead. 471 00:36:29,985 --> 00:36:31,666 What the hell are you doing back in Mexico? 472 00:36:32,098 --> 00:36:35,459 Your federale brothers were very upset that you abandoned us in the heat of battle. 473 00:36:36,132 --> 00:36:39,493 I heard you moved to The U.S cleaning rich people's pools huh? 474 00:36:39,494 --> 00:36:40,644 Put the gun down. 475 00:36:40,645 --> 00:36:41,798 He is a murderer. 476 00:36:41,799 --> 00:36:43,924 He killed 13 Federales, in cold blood. 477 00:36:43,925 --> 00:36:46,122 13 crooked Federales. 478 00:36:46,123 --> 00:36:47,124 Buried in Quertos pocket. 479 00:36:48,195 --> 00:36:49,757 How the fuck would you know that, Puto? 480 00:36:50,231 --> 00:36:51,920 - I was undercover. 481 00:36:51,921 --> 00:36:52,862 - An agent. 482 00:36:53,641 --> 00:36:56,810 There's no agents in Mexico. 483 00:36:56,811 --> 00:36:59,824 - Last and only, super agent. 484 00:36:59,825 --> 00:37:03,290 Give me one good reason, I shouldn't shoot him like a dog that he is. 485 00:37:03,291 --> 00:37:05,813 If he dies, thousands in Washington would die with him. 486 00:37:05,814 --> 00:37:07,876 - And if he lives.. how many more would die? 487 00:37:07,877 --> 00:37:09,314 And why help the U.S? 488 00:37:09,315 --> 00:37:11,312 - Cos, I'm the only one who can. 489 00:37:12,015 --> 00:37:14,415 - You were always a sensitive one, Machete. 490 00:37:14,416 --> 00:37:18,044 - Wow, hoah..bloody hell! It's a Mexican Stand off. 491 00:37:18,641 --> 00:37:20,764 I am taking him in. - Oh, really where? 492 00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:23,501 You will trade me, straight to the Cartels. 493 00:37:23,502 --> 00:37:28,139 Machete, this man is a dirty cop. - Shut your fucking mouth! 494 00:37:28,140 --> 00:37:29,293 Shut up, Loco. 495 00:37:29,294 --> 00:37:30,814 - You shouldn't have said that, Amigo. 496 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,730 Because if you call me loco- 497 00:37:33,731 --> 00:37:34,690 Than I'm afraid.. 498 00:37:35,238 --> 00:37:38,328 Loco is what you get. 499 00:37:48,606 --> 00:37:50,818 - Hello again, Machete. - Say one more word... 500 00:37:50,819 --> 00:37:52,687 Make sure you better make it, Machete. 501 00:37:52,688 --> 00:37:54,890 All you have to do is pull the fucking trigger, Come on. 502 00:38:04,597 --> 00:38:05,596 See Machete.. 503 00:38:06,317 --> 00:38:10,218 Justice and law, are not always the same thing. 504 00:38:20,138 --> 00:38:21,378 What the fuck is going on here? 505 00:39:24,305 --> 00:39:25,910 Look at me, top scores. 506 00:39:25,911 --> 00:39:28,348 Forgive my excitement, but I'm just learning to speak Spanish. 507 00:39:28,349 --> 00:39:29,501 Not by choice. 508 00:39:29,502 --> 00:39:32,095 But I can't get the CD to change for the life of me. 509 00:39:32,096 --> 00:39:33,467 Fuck it, When in Rome, right? 510 00:39:34,293 --> 00:39:37,320 I'm trying to find a place call.. Villa Gerrero. 511 00:39:37,321 --> 00:39:38,820 Perhaps, you've heard of it? 512 00:39:38,821 --> 00:39:41,933 You haven't heard of it? Or No se..you don't understand the question? 513 00:39:44,534 --> 00:39:45,634 Un momento? 514 00:39:45,635 --> 00:39:48,214 Allow me to use more useful illustration. 515 00:39:48,215 --> 00:39:49,562 I'm really trying here. 516 00:39:50,322 --> 00:39:54,448 And if you say 'No Se' one more time, I'm gonna put a bullet in your brain. 517 00:39:54,449 --> 00:39:56,440 Out of sheer frustration. 518 00:39:56,441 --> 00:39:59,762 Now, Villa Guerrero? 519 00:40:05,017 --> 00:40:08,147 Your sense of direction doesn't inspire confidence in you. 520 00:40:11,337 --> 00:40:15,148 Allow me to translate. 521 00:40:24,677 --> 00:40:26,194 Damn! 522 00:40:26,195 --> 00:40:28,412 I was just starting to get used to this face. 523 00:41:25,068 --> 00:41:25,616 El Doctoro? 524 00:41:33,838 --> 00:41:35,826 Get the fuck out of here, I'm performing surgery. 525 00:41:38,727 --> 00:41:41,915 Put him in the bed, there. 526 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,961 - Where are they? - Still inside. 527 00:41:44,962 --> 00:41:46,363 Okay, I need you to check the rear. 528 00:42:05,444 --> 00:42:06,936 Machete! 529 00:42:06,937 --> 00:42:08,986 Come out and play. 530 00:42:29,119 --> 00:42:30,757 What's the hurry, Lover boy. 531 00:42:51,576 --> 00:42:52,948 Ugh..disgusting. 532 00:43:05,925 --> 00:43:07,690 So, I'm still alive. 533 00:43:07,691 --> 00:43:10,883 Good for you Machete. Good for you. 534 00:43:10,884 --> 00:43:13,501 Is this the crazy you, talking? 535 00:43:15,261 --> 00:43:17,786 I can't continue living my life like this. 536 00:43:17,787 --> 00:43:19,854 - You used to be Cartel. 537 00:43:19,855 --> 00:43:22,578 And then, you became a revolutionary. 538 00:43:24,285 --> 00:43:25,702 - Why? - I was never Cartel. 539 00:43:28,149 --> 00:43:30,549 I was a Secret Agent, for the Mexican Government. 540 00:43:30,550 --> 00:43:32,949 My mission, 541 00:43:32,950 --> 00:43:35,793 was to infiltrate Los Querpos. 542 00:43:35,794 --> 00:43:36,753 I had to see things.. 543 00:43:38,792 --> 00:43:40,666 I had to do things. 544 00:43:40,667 --> 00:43:45,136 Had to watch people die in the worst way you can imagine. 545 00:43:45,137 --> 00:43:47,879 Compromising the only thing I believe in. 546 00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:48,841 I became one of them. 547 00:43:50,841 --> 00:43:55,311 I remember, calling my supervisor; telling him that I wanted out.. 548 00:43:55,312 --> 00:43:57,868 I wanted my life back. 549 00:43:57,869 --> 00:44:00,516 But I didn't know he was dirty. 550 00:44:00,517 --> 00:44:03,404 That he'd been bought by the cartels. 551 00:44:03,405 --> 00:44:06,744 They took me to a killing room. 552 00:44:06,745 --> 00:44:09,415 With my wife and daughter there, waiting. 553 00:44:09,416 --> 00:44:12,260 They made me watch. 554 00:44:14,029 --> 00:44:18,280 First they beat them. Tortured them. 555 00:44:18,281 --> 00:44:19,239 Then, that's when.. 556 00:44:22,266 --> 00:44:24,674 The Mad Man took over for the first time. 557 00:44:24,675 --> 00:44:29,201 My wife and baby girl died b'cause I trusted our system that did not exist. 558 00:44:30,455 --> 00:44:33,237 I realised then, If I was to change Mexico 559 00:44:34,702 --> 00:44:36,205 I must do it myself. 560 00:44:36,206 --> 00:44:38,607 I started my own revolution against same reason motherfuckers 561 00:44:40,556 --> 00:44:42,956 responsible for this violence. 562 00:44:42,957 --> 00:44:45,357 I will die to see it through. 563 00:44:45,359 --> 00:44:47,759 The real tragedy of all this is that 564 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,881 people would never know the real truth about me. 565 00:44:51,899 --> 00:44:55,557 How about you? Does anybody know the real Machete? 566 00:44:55,558 --> 00:44:58,583 Where is your partner? Every guy has a partner. 567 00:44:59,208 --> 00:45:01,608 You couldn't give up the life, can't you? 568 00:45:01,609 --> 00:45:03,044 Think about it. How old are you? 569 00:45:03,045 --> 00:45:04,933 In your line of work... 570 00:45:05,661 --> 00:45:07,656 Why have you lived so long? 571 00:45:07,657 --> 00:45:09,098 Partners knew about self sacrifice.. 572 00:45:09,398 --> 00:45:10,985 For the greater good. 573 00:45:10,986 --> 00:45:12,137 Not you, though. 574 00:45:12,138 --> 00:45:14,585 You know what you are? 575 00:45:14,586 --> 00:45:15,545 Vengeance. 576 00:45:17,430 --> 00:45:19,392 You are vengeance. 577 00:45:19,393 --> 00:45:20,352 A vengeance never dies. 578 00:45:29,462 --> 00:45:31,932 We will never make it to the border wall with this piece of shit. 579 00:45:31,933 --> 00:45:34,972 We need a stronger vehicle. An armored vehicle. 580 00:45:34,973 --> 00:45:37,064 I know where we can get one. 581 00:45:37,065 --> 00:45:38,028 Small town near the border. 582 00:45:38,029 --> 00:45:40,466 There's a chop shop there. 583 00:45:45,731 --> 00:45:46,902 Once he crosses the border. 584 00:45:47,508 --> 00:45:48,680 We can move in. 585 00:45:59,926 --> 00:46:00,751 Come on. 586 00:46:02,568 --> 00:46:05,429 Come on, we gonna cross the wall or what. 587 00:46:06,860 --> 00:46:11,422 This is a cartel turf, you let us right to it. 588 00:46:11,423 --> 00:46:12,382 Shhh. 589 00:46:28,606 --> 00:46:29,366 Looking for a ride. 590 00:46:29,661 --> 00:46:33,238 Well, this lane.. you're best off fucking rent a car. 591 00:46:34,079 --> 00:46:36,066 This is all custom works. 592 00:46:36,067 --> 00:46:37,796 I will do as he says, Grasa. 593 00:46:37,797 --> 00:46:39,735 Well, look at this. 594 00:46:40,245 --> 00:46:41,877 Marcos Mendez 595 00:46:43,377 --> 00:46:44,957 in the flesh. 596 00:46:44,958 --> 00:46:46,109 This will do. 597 00:46:46,110 --> 00:46:47,381 No shit. It will do. 598 00:46:47,382 --> 00:46:48,965 That baby is my fucking masterpiece. 599 00:46:50,156 --> 00:46:53,374 You could take it to a mine field with flat tyre. 600 00:47:07,896 --> 00:47:11,074 You aren't gonna shoot a man in a wheel chair, would you? 601 00:47:11,815 --> 00:47:13,580 - No. 602 00:48:07,031 --> 00:48:09,488 Hola, Motherfucker! 603 00:48:41,758 --> 00:48:43,078 Hey there, loverboy. 604 00:48:48,766 --> 00:48:50,075 Hey there, give them hand. 605 00:48:51,660 --> 00:48:53,695 I've got a special package for him. 606 00:48:53,696 --> 00:48:54,839 Killjoy... 607 00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:56,799 give me my strap on. 608 00:50:14,759 --> 00:50:18,119 Ho..ho ho! Fuck Machete.. 609 00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:19,463 You're crazier than I am! 610 00:50:26,735 --> 00:50:28,216 Machete, what the hell are you doing? 611 00:50:30,164 --> 00:50:32,459 - Is there other way? - There's no other way.. 612 00:50:32,460 --> 00:50:35,441 That's why they call it a wall.. goddamn it. 613 00:50:35,442 --> 00:50:37,237 Take 'em away. 614 00:50:37,238 --> 00:50:39,456 See that frigging tag under the wall, 615 00:50:39,457 --> 00:50:41,462 drive us straight through it. 616 00:50:41,463 --> 00:50:42,704 The heat is to the other side.. 617 00:50:48,668 --> 00:50:49,814 Hit it. 618 00:51:20,663 --> 00:51:21,681 We made it. 619 00:51:24,217 --> 00:51:25,676 Well, sweet Isabel. 620 00:51:26,330 --> 00:51:27,891 I think we just hit a fucking stroke... 621 00:51:28,059 --> 00:51:29,364 Beginner's luck. 622 00:51:29,365 --> 00:51:31,263 Running into you again, Taco. 623 00:51:31,264 --> 00:51:35,233 You know, you and your compadre are going for about 10 million buck to rooster head. 624 00:51:35,234 --> 00:51:37,164 I never understand anything about Algebra.. 625 00:51:37,165 --> 00:51:38,228 That is a..shitfire.. 626 00:51:39,124 --> 00:51:41,369 Fuck me..Halleluijah lot of Money. 627 00:51:42,014 --> 00:51:44,615 I think, we ought to take advantage of your lucrative predicament. 628 00:51:45,213 --> 00:51:46,353 Get ourselves to squares. 629 00:51:46,999 --> 00:51:49,591 No distractions, this time. Right, Clebourne? 630 00:51:49,592 --> 00:51:52,164 That's right, sir. - Alright then, 631 00:51:52,165 --> 00:51:53,279 Sayonara Taco. 632 00:52:13,208 --> 00:52:15,091 Special Agent, Mendez. 633 00:52:15,092 --> 00:52:16,881 How many of you are there? 634 00:52:16,882 --> 00:52:17,963 - Sorry, that's classified. 635 00:52:21,768 --> 00:52:22,834 And who is this? 636 00:52:24,941 --> 00:52:26,078 My wanted party. 637 00:52:33,522 --> 00:52:36,816 You didn't think, it would all be over once we cross the border did you? 638 00:52:36,817 --> 00:52:40,043 Who do you think got me into Mexico, in the first place? 639 00:52:42,242 --> 00:52:44,253 There's a great conductor behind all this. 640 00:53:30,472 --> 00:53:32,386 Why re-elect President Rathcock? 641 00:53:32,387 --> 00:53:36,603 He dished out 6 Million dollars on tax payers money to space technology company 642 00:53:36,604 --> 00:53:37,756 like Voztech industries. 643 00:53:37,757 --> 00:53:41,730 He build a wall to protect us from the thread of illegals. 644 00:53:41,731 --> 00:53:44,259 He took a stand and defended our second ammendment. 645 00:53:44,260 --> 00:53:45,220 With a vengeance. 646 00:53:46,986 --> 00:53:49,620 And to boost our national economy to an all time high... 647 00:53:49,621 --> 00:53:52,420 He made marijuana legal in 48 states. 648 00:53:52,421 --> 00:53:53,675 My fellow Americans... 649 00:53:53,676 --> 00:53:55,323 It's been a groovy four years. 650 00:53:55,870 --> 00:53:56,924 There are still so much left to accomplish. 651 00:53:57,550 --> 00:53:59,950 For me, winning.. was only the begining. 652 00:53:59,951 --> 00:54:02,352 Re-elect Rathcock. 653 00:54:02,353 --> 00:54:05,175 A name you like, A face you can trust. 654 00:54:21,715 --> 00:54:23,365 Don't worry Mr. Cortez 655 00:54:24,020 --> 00:54:25,853 You haven't fail your Mission, Yet. 656 00:54:30,512 --> 00:54:31,971 - Where am I? 657 00:54:31,972 --> 00:54:35,314 - Recuperating in my subjuest healing pool, right now..you like it? 658 00:54:36,054 --> 00:54:38,454 As you can see, our friend Marcos Cortez is still... 659 00:54:38,455 --> 00:54:42,738 very much alive and ticking. 660 00:54:43,488 --> 00:54:45,081 Which makes him still very much, 661 00:54:45,082 --> 00:54:47,021 a threat. 662 00:54:47,022 --> 00:54:48,088 It needs to be disarmed. 663 00:54:48,848 --> 00:54:51,958 You don't know what you're dealing with. - Well, Actually I do. 664 00:54:52,545 --> 00:54:57,125 I invented it. Allow me to introduce myself..My name is 665 00:54:57,778 --> 00:55:00,181 Luther Voz. Let me admit.. 666 00:55:00,182 --> 00:55:02,908 I've been following your career for quite some time now. 667 00:55:02,909 --> 00:55:05,214 I am tremendous fan of your work Mr. Cortez. 668 00:55:05,215 --> 00:55:07,593 As an afficionado of ' The arts of War' myself; 669 00:55:07,594 --> 00:55:10,357 I just gotta say that, you're one genuine article 670 00:55:10,358 --> 00:55:12,982 Genghis Khan of My caliber. Fucker, people lover. 671 00:55:12,983 --> 00:55:14,605 You are a warrior Mr. Cortez. 672 00:55:16,306 --> 00:55:18,724 A killer. A survivor.. llike me. 673 00:55:19,687 --> 00:55:22,807 Just try to relax. I mean, if I wanted you dead.. 674 00:55:23,462 --> 00:55:25,082 You will be fucking dead. 675 00:55:25,083 --> 00:55:26,324 Are you gonna disarm it or not? 676 00:55:26,956 --> 00:55:28,416 I'm leaning towards not. 677 00:55:29,791 --> 00:55:31,752 But that all very much depends on you, Mr. Cortez. 678 00:55:33,690 --> 00:55:34,928 You sold Mendez the Missile. 679 00:55:35,467 --> 00:55:37,137 No. 680 00:55:37,138 --> 00:55:38,347 I gave it to him. 681 00:55:38,847 --> 00:55:41,859 But then, I've given a lot of bad things to a lot of bad people. 682 00:55:41,860 --> 00:55:43,548 But that does not make me one of them. 683 00:55:44,417 --> 00:55:46,030 Get dressed, Mr. Cortez. 684 00:55:47,500 --> 00:55:48,862 Allow me..to try and convince you. 685 00:55:50,468 --> 00:55:52,476 I'll turn my back. 686 00:55:58,094 --> 00:56:00,495 Welcome, to The Voztech. 687 00:56:00,496 --> 00:56:02,896 The world's premiere space technology.. 688 00:56:02,897 --> 00:56:05,297 And weapons manufacturer. 689 00:56:05,298 --> 00:56:07,247 You know, Time Magazine once called me... 690 00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:10,607 Merchant of dead. With an assembly line. 691 00:56:11,117 --> 00:56:13,518 But one very special day, 692 00:56:13,519 --> 00:56:17,465 I began to think bigger. And now..i've turned science fiction 693 00:56:18,514 --> 00:56:19,704 into science reality. 694 00:56:21,202 --> 00:56:23,603 And this... this is where we conduct our training exercises. 695 00:56:24,421 --> 00:56:25,610 For what? 696 00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:27,733 Our exodus. 697 00:56:27,734 --> 00:56:31,085 When NASA asked me to build them a new state of the art luxury space station... 698 00:56:31,086 --> 00:56:33,602 I luxuriously told em, to fuck themselves. 699 00:56:33,603 --> 00:56:34,755 Why you ask? 700 00:56:34,756 --> 00:56:36,716 Well, I've already told one of my young, 701 00:56:36,717 --> 00:56:37,740 It's already up there right now. Just floating the fuck around, 702 00:56:37,741 --> 00:56:41,298 waiting for me and my people. To inhabit it. 703 00:56:41,299 --> 00:56:43,006 In fact, Mr. Cortez, - Machete. 704 00:56:43,007 --> 00:56:43,966 Incidentally, Machete 705 00:56:44,512 --> 00:56:48,383 I plan on moving into my new space pad, very very soon. Im very excited. 706 00:56:48,384 --> 00:56:49,882 Here, have a heart. 707 00:56:49,883 --> 00:56:50,843 What about the heart? 708 00:56:51,418 --> 00:56:54,048 Well, that's why I'm relocating. Climb aboard. 709 00:56:59,204 --> 00:57:00,497 Tanks, Missiles.. bread and butter. 710 00:57:00,498 --> 00:57:05,777 These are simple things, to fund my out of this world, enterprises. 711 00:57:05,778 --> 00:57:07,820 - Why Mendez? - Why? 712 00:57:08,494 --> 00:57:12,143 Well, Bin Laden is dead. And America has always needed it's boogy man. 713 00:57:12,144 --> 00:57:14,499 So, I created a new one. 714 00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:19,950 Yes, I supplied Senor Mendez, the fireworks. 715 00:57:19,951 --> 00:57:22,343 But given Mendez aptitude for the unpredictable. 716 00:57:22,344 --> 00:57:25,866 I left behind one of my man to keep a press of his process or 717 00:57:25,867 --> 00:57:27,019 lack there of. 718 00:57:27,020 --> 00:57:28,172 What's your plan have to do with me? 719 00:57:28,173 --> 00:57:30,783 I have high hopes for you, Mr. Machete. 720 00:57:30,784 --> 00:57:33,221 Higher than you can mentally ascend to. 721 00:57:38,700 --> 00:57:42,413 Space ship? - Technically speaking, space shuttle. 722 00:57:42,414 --> 00:57:44,353 Not to mention, my legacy. 723 00:57:44,354 --> 00:57:46,527 It all started about six years ago. 724 00:57:46,528 --> 00:57:49,629 I privately funded a sub orbital launch. 725 00:57:49,630 --> 00:57:50,706 I went up, Myself. 726 00:57:51,368 --> 00:57:53,981 Yeah, I'm something of a thrill seeeker back then. 727 00:57:53,982 --> 00:57:56,747 Before, what I like to call The Incident. 728 00:57:56,748 --> 00:57:59,313 I was up among the stars 729 00:57:59,314 --> 00:58:01,587 and something inexplicable happened to me. 730 00:58:01,588 --> 00:58:03,324 I saw the future. 731 00:58:03,325 --> 00:58:04,476 I saw the world ending. 732 00:58:04,477 --> 00:58:07,268 It unfolded right before my very eyes. 733 00:58:09,897 --> 00:58:11,601 That's why, I build this. 734 00:58:11,602 --> 00:58:12,752 We'll board it. 735 00:58:12,753 --> 00:58:14,901 Me and anyone who wants to join me. 736 00:58:14,902 --> 00:58:16,054 We will take the flight. 737 00:58:16,055 --> 00:58:17,207 And when Kingdom comes... 738 00:58:17,208 --> 00:58:18,359 as it truly will. 739 00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,416 We will be safe amongst the stars. 740 00:58:21,417 --> 00:58:23,620 Noah had his Ark.. I got mine. 741 00:58:24,580 --> 00:58:26,001 You really believe that? 742 00:58:26,559 --> 00:58:29,765 I believed what I've seen. And luckily for you, sir.. 743 00:58:30,630 --> 00:58:33,252 I saw you up there, with me. 744 00:58:33,253 --> 00:58:34,903 I see glimpses of what lies ahead 745 00:58:35,567 --> 00:58:38,333 this is a condition I was left with after the incident. 746 00:58:40,138 --> 00:58:45,420 Speaking of which, I'd take a step or two back if I were you. 747 00:58:46,237 --> 00:58:47,264 Ever had a Deja Vu? 748 00:58:47,822 --> 00:58:51,817 Last a couple of seconds, right? Me..it's been two years. 749 00:58:53,844 --> 00:58:56,184 You don't believe me now, but you will. 750 00:58:56,185 --> 00:59:01,648 Now, if I couldn't see into the future. Then, how could I've made all this? 751 00:59:02,728 --> 00:59:05,464 Mr. Machete, I present to you... the arms for tomorrow. 752 00:59:06,225 --> 00:59:11,514 Pick your fancy. 753 00:59:14,945 --> 00:59:16,946 You picked the only one in the place that's faulty. 754 00:59:18,231 --> 00:59:19,602 I'm sorry, my molecular blaster 755 00:59:20,209 --> 00:59:21,964 doesn't quite work right yet, 756 00:59:21,965 --> 00:59:23,166 keeps turning shit inside out. 757 00:59:24,943 --> 00:59:28,418 Perhaps, this is more your speed anyway. 758 00:59:29,295 --> 00:59:31,944 Retro..yet, high tech. 759 00:59:32,453 --> 00:59:33,691 Demonstration? 760 00:59:40,262 --> 00:59:43,004 - You like it? - Yes. 761 00:59:43,005 --> 00:59:43,968 It's yours. 762 00:59:43,969 --> 00:59:47,564 Now, Mr. Machete..if I could cut to the.. 763 00:59:47,565 --> 00:59:49,097 I'd like to recruit you. 764 00:59:50,212 --> 00:59:53,409 You already have enough men. - No, not the best. By any means. 765 00:59:53,410 --> 00:59:56,538 How can they be? When you've dominantly played em yourself. 766 00:59:56,539 --> 00:59:57,496 Demonstration. 767 00:59:58,415 --> 01:00:00,210 Good luck. 768 01:00:33,008 --> 01:00:36,763 Ha..ha, Encore. Encore. 769 01:00:38,945 --> 01:00:41,018 Or three. 770 01:00:42,633 --> 01:00:47,645 Genetically engineered super soldiers, you see. 771 01:00:47,646 --> 01:00:48,607 Cloned. 772 01:00:54,069 --> 01:00:55,360 Have at 'em. 773 01:01:27,683 --> 01:01:29,158 Just as I predicted! No match.. 774 01:01:30,165 --> 01:01:33,180 For the likes of you. 775 01:01:37,416 --> 01:01:38,489 I've created my clones. 776 01:01:39,001 --> 01:01:41,372 Because where I am going, I'm going to need my army. 777 01:01:42,304 --> 01:01:45,713 And that poor dead bastard you've met in Mexico. Zaror? He was my prototype. 778 01:01:46,616 --> 01:01:49,379 But since you've fucked him up like a special at science fair project. 779 01:01:50,371 --> 01:01:53,310 I'm left to regret my choice. 780 01:01:53,311 --> 01:01:55,330 You still haven't told me, Why I am here. 781 01:01:55,331 --> 01:01:58,522 I need a stronger speciment from which to draw on new batch of clone. 782 01:01:58,523 --> 01:02:01,177 So, I was hoping that you, would be doing me that honour. Sir? 783 01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:03,158 There is only one Machete. 784 01:02:03,771 --> 01:02:05,228 But what if they were more? 785 01:02:06,076 --> 01:02:08,037 What if there was an army with enhanced Machetes? 786 01:02:09,859 --> 01:02:12,160 Machete. Machete, everywhere Machete. 787 01:02:12,161 --> 01:02:15,528 You and I, together? Will be a force to be recon with. 788 01:02:22,028 --> 01:02:24,848 I'm sorry. I may have over reacted. But then, 789 01:02:24,849 --> 01:02:29,615 numbnuts was about to spill a bottle of 1787 Chateau LeFrig. 790 01:02:29,616 --> 01:02:31,157 No more games. 791 01:02:31,158 --> 01:02:33,084 Disarm him. 792 01:02:33,085 --> 01:02:34,044 - Join me. 793 01:02:34,619 --> 01:02:37,364 Surely, by now.. that I know how all this turns out. 794 01:02:37,365 --> 01:02:39,171 Then, you know I'm taking this. 795 01:02:39,172 --> 01:02:40,213 Oh, and where will you go? 796 01:02:40,794 --> 01:02:43,570 You know, I am the only one that can disarm it. 797 01:02:43,571 --> 01:02:45,306 I'll find someone else. 798 01:02:45,307 --> 01:02:46,759 Oh, good luck with that. 799 01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:49,810 But I think, there's one more little thing that you should know. 800 01:02:49,811 --> 01:02:52,014 Mendez wasn't my only Boogey man. 801 01:02:52,599 --> 01:02:55,812 North Korea, Russia.. I have a Mendez everywhere. 802 01:02:56,316 --> 01:02:59,158 And in a matter of an hour, they're gonna launch on one another. 803 01:02:59,159 --> 01:03:03,673 Throwing the world into, gargantual, unrecoverable anarchy. 804 01:03:04,402 --> 01:03:07,358 - The world is fucked. - Why? 805 01:03:07,359 --> 01:03:11,165 This world must end, in order for a more perfect one to emerge. 806 01:03:11,166 --> 01:03:14,065 You like it or not, Mr. Machete. You are coming with me. 807 01:03:38,152 --> 01:03:41,177 Damn, you're good. 808 01:03:41,178 --> 01:03:42,852 Get that bastard. 809 01:03:42,853 --> 01:03:45,729 Try not to get too many of yourselves killed in the process. 810 01:04:24,339 --> 01:04:27,252 My molecule blaster just doesn't work right yet. 811 01:04:28,972 --> 01:04:31,260 Keeps turning shit inside out. 812 01:06:04,076 --> 01:06:07,055 What took you so long? - You're lucky, I came at all. 813 01:06:15,510 --> 01:06:17,650 Oh, we'll meet again Mr. Machete. 814 01:06:19,842 --> 01:06:21,021 I have seen it. 815 01:06:24,106 --> 01:06:26,388 We've been tracking you since the bounty hit the air-wave. 816 01:06:26,890 --> 01:06:28,964 Quite a shit storm you've stirred up down south. 817 01:06:30,291 --> 01:06:33,488 I thought I'd tap in. Can't let you have all the fun. 818 01:06:33,489 --> 01:06:36,446 Hey, I'm sorry about Sartana. 819 01:06:36,447 --> 01:06:38,492 We all are. 820 01:06:38,493 --> 01:06:39,961 She was one of the good ones. 821 01:06:42,706 --> 01:06:44,586 As you can see, the network has gone full scale. 822 01:06:45,812 --> 01:06:49,729 New and improved. All 500,000 extractions. 823 01:06:49,730 --> 01:06:52,975 And counting. When they put up the wall. 824 01:06:52,976 --> 01:06:56,459 We had to up our game. Find funding... 825 01:06:56,460 --> 01:07:00,178 Now, our reach extends all the way to Santi tower. 826 01:07:02,427 --> 01:07:04,625 The rules are the same. You get in, you gotta earn. 827 01:07:05,365 --> 01:07:07,726 The monitor remembers to make sure they're doing their part. 828 01:07:08,113 --> 01:07:09,312 If they are not.. 829 01:07:09,957 --> 01:07:11,278 I will deport their asses myself. 830 01:07:15,574 --> 01:07:16,919 Missing..all of them? 831 01:07:17,611 --> 01:07:21,932 MIA - every last one of 'em. One minute they are tearing ass for the border. 832 01:07:21,933 --> 01:07:22,893 The next.. 833 01:07:23,701 --> 01:07:24,785 They vanished. 834 01:07:25,285 --> 01:07:26,533 Disappeared, without a trace. 835 01:07:27,562 --> 01:07:30,095 It's like aliens.. abducted by god damn aliens. 836 01:07:31,019 --> 01:07:32,161 You gotta check this out. 837 01:07:33,007 --> 01:07:38,720 This is the surveilance footage we got. 838 01:07:39,269 --> 01:07:41,516 We think, the same douchebag that took you. Took them. 839 01:07:42,189 --> 01:07:44,270 Seems llike he's building some sort of secret weapon. 840 01:07:44,618 --> 01:07:47,276 Possibly, needing the mexicans labours to finish it. 841 01:07:47,277 --> 01:07:48,236 It's in space. 842 01:07:48,759 --> 01:07:51,161 He wants to get there, before the missiles take off. 843 01:07:51,162 --> 01:07:53,163 What missiles? What the fuck are you talking about? 844 01:07:53,964 --> 01:07:56,806 The launch trigger is wired to a biological clock. 845 01:07:56,807 --> 01:07:58,938 We need to find someone to disarm them. 846 01:07:58,939 --> 01:08:00,179 You got anybody in the network? 847 01:08:01,273 --> 01:08:04,606 - Yeah. But you don't like him. 848 01:08:15,281 --> 01:08:16,665 Osiris! 849 01:08:24,659 --> 01:08:26,912 Come on Machete..He's with us. 850 01:08:26,913 --> 01:08:29,162 - Not with me. - He's our only bomb guy. 851 01:08:29,683 --> 01:08:30,919 Wanna choke him out, go ahead. 852 01:08:34,945 --> 01:08:37,096 What's he doing here? 853 01:08:38,230 --> 01:08:40,475 - He came to me about six months ago. 854 01:08:40,476 --> 01:08:41,597 Said, he's changed his tune. 855 01:08:42,024 --> 01:08:43,291 Cabron ain't got no tune. 856 01:08:43,868 --> 01:08:48,202 I know that you'd prefer to see me, with all sorts of dead. 857 01:08:48,203 --> 01:08:50,324 But God has already cursed me for what I did to Padre. 858 01:08:51,532 --> 01:08:52,848 That's why I am here. 859 01:08:53,895 --> 01:08:55,661 To finish your brother's work. 860 01:08:55,662 --> 01:08:58,379 My only redemption is in righting that wrong. 861 01:08:59,130 --> 01:09:01,510 Please, give me mercy. I swear... 862 01:09:01,511 --> 01:09:02,529 I will make it up to you. 863 01:09:03,701 --> 01:09:05,227 - Or die, trying. 864 01:09:06,131 --> 01:09:07,272 - I'll have it no other way. 865 01:09:09,213 --> 01:09:13,156 - This is your bomb guy? - You could try the yellow pages. 866 01:09:18,041 --> 01:09:21,784 You better be at somewhere with a shit reception b'cos I've been trying to reach you all damn day. 867 01:09:21,785 --> 01:09:22,937 - Where is Mendez? - Dead. 868 01:09:22,938 --> 01:09:25,485 But his heart still beats. 869 01:09:25,486 --> 01:09:26,395 - You're joking, right? 870 01:09:26,396 --> 01:09:27,197 Machete, don't joke. 871 01:09:28,471 --> 01:09:31,743 Humour me, who's got the heart? 872 01:09:31,744 --> 01:09:32,896 - Voz. He is bad news. 873 01:09:32,897 --> 01:09:35,561 Been using Mendez to do all of his dirty works. 874 01:09:35,562 --> 01:09:37,260 - Machete, I'm gonna stop you right there, okay? 875 01:09:37,261 --> 01:09:40,493 Luther Voz may have his hand in a lot of pockets. But he's harmless. 876 01:09:40,494 --> 01:09:42,336 He sponsors my damn pageant for Christ's sake. 877 01:09:42,704 --> 01:09:44,345 You need to alert the president. 878 01:09:44,346 --> 01:09:47,078 Just calm down. Tell me your location... 879 01:09:47,079 --> 01:09:48,982 and we'll talk about this in person. 880 01:09:48,983 --> 01:09:50,041 Better be somewhere else. 881 01:09:50,042 --> 01:09:51,174 Have it your way. 882 01:09:51,175 --> 01:09:54,358 I'm gonna text you a rendevous point after my swimsuit competition. 883 01:09:59,915 --> 01:10:01,508 Who's the bitch? 884 01:10:01,509 --> 01:10:02,393 Handler. 885 01:10:07,492 --> 01:10:09,112 You fucked her? 886 01:10:11,584 --> 01:10:12,410 Yeah, you did. 887 01:10:13,438 --> 01:10:16,402 You got a problem? - Yeah, I got a problem. 888 01:10:16,403 --> 01:10:17,740 When you smell like pussy... 889 01:10:17,741 --> 01:10:22,018 It makes you a pussy whip. When you are pussy whipped, your judgment is cloudy. 890 01:10:22,581 --> 01:10:23,513 It's just a job. 891 01:10:24,992 --> 01:10:25,971 Is that her? 892 01:10:27,989 --> 01:10:29,353 I thought Machete don't text? 893 01:10:32,431 --> 01:10:34,261 Machete loves everybody. 894 01:10:38,754 --> 01:10:40,935 Where are you going? - With you. 895 01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:44,293 Takes a bitch, to make a bitch. 896 01:10:45,552 --> 01:10:46,447 And I smell fish taco. 897 01:10:46,448 --> 01:10:47,829 Tito..Osiris? 898 01:10:49,992 --> 01:10:51,029 Taco time. 899 01:11:14,656 --> 01:11:15,740 What'cha know? 900 01:11:17,056 --> 01:11:19,188 I won. - Congratulations. 901 01:11:19,189 --> 01:11:20,303 It's exciting right? 902 01:11:20,304 --> 01:11:21,825 You are looking at the new miss Texas. 903 01:11:22,311 --> 01:11:24,038 Who are they? 904 01:11:24,039 --> 01:11:24,997 Listen, Careno.. I would love to stay and chit chat with you. 905 01:11:26,402 --> 01:11:29,319 But not when there's a live missile inside state lines. 906 01:11:29,320 --> 01:11:32,698 Would you pretty please, get into the car and debrief me on your mission. 907 01:11:35,431 --> 01:11:37,311 - How did you know? - Know what? 908 01:11:37,312 --> 01:11:40,049 The missile..that it was here? 909 01:11:40,050 --> 01:11:41,011 Look at you... 910 01:11:43,028 --> 01:11:45,936 smart for an average mexican. 911 01:11:45,937 --> 01:11:47,454 - You work for Voz? 912 01:11:48,395 --> 01:11:51,849 - I promised to turn you over to Voz and Voz promised me the crown. 913 01:11:57,116 --> 01:11:58,989 But I can win. 914 01:12:00,363 --> 01:12:02,888 Oh, Papi I'm sorry. 915 01:12:04,128 --> 01:12:05,865 You and I really could have something. 916 01:12:06,827 --> 01:12:08,641 But I just love killing a good romance. 917 01:12:11,436 --> 01:12:13,663 Make it count. 918 01:12:37,981 --> 01:12:40,466 I knew I smelled a bitch in there, tonight. 919 01:12:40,467 --> 01:12:42,834 Payback is the only bitch that you need to worry about. 920 01:12:43,458 --> 01:12:46,231 This dress cost more than your fucking life! 921 01:12:53,043 --> 01:12:55,410 I always dress to the nine. 922 01:12:57,545 --> 01:12:59,241 I dress to kill. 923 01:13:34,860 --> 01:13:38,595 How many man do we got? 924 01:14:31,862 --> 01:14:33,312 This is The President. 925 01:14:33,313 --> 01:14:35,442 Mr. President, this is Miss San Antonio. 926 01:14:35,443 --> 01:14:37,776 Machete, never shown up to therendezvous. 927 01:14:37,777 --> 01:14:40,228 I just hope that he is still alive. 928 01:16:15,894 --> 01:16:17,137 Fuck it. 929 01:16:18,278 --> 01:16:22,561 Who am I kidding? 930 01:16:24,751 --> 01:16:28,122 I really must hand it to you, Mi Amigo. 931 01:16:29,313 --> 01:16:31,204 You are a difficult man to catch up with. 932 01:16:31,782 --> 01:16:34,881 You have no idea, what I went through to get here. 933 01:16:34,882 --> 01:16:37,918 Hours I spend stranded on the desert highway. 934 01:16:37,919 --> 01:16:40,109 Till this holy rolly break came along. 935 01:16:46,977 --> 01:16:49,377 Lady, please help me. 936 01:16:49,378 --> 01:16:53,988 You and I aren't drug pushing compadres. You'd just derail my pursuit.. 937 01:16:53,989 --> 01:16:57,857 So, frankly..i'm leaning on the other direction entirely. 938 01:16:57,858 --> 01:16:58,941 Give me mercy. 939 01:16:58,942 --> 01:17:01,343 There's about three things I'd rather give you. 940 01:17:01,344 --> 01:17:03,743 And they are all on the chamber of this gun. 941 01:17:05,872 --> 01:17:08,681 Straight up or with some flare. 942 01:17:10,080 --> 01:17:12,887 Straight up or flare. 943 01:17:13,406 --> 01:17:16,335 Whatever is the more interesting way to die. 944 01:17:22,023 --> 01:17:23,279 Weirdo. 945 01:17:43,774 --> 01:17:47,386 You know, I rather enjoy my new disguise. 946 01:17:47,387 --> 01:17:50,402 I must apologize for making you dig your own grave. 947 01:17:53,592 --> 01:17:56,971 But I'm not one for hard labour. You on the other hand..being mexican and all 948 01:17:58,404 --> 01:18:00,535 You must be used to it. 949 01:18:04,378 --> 01:18:05,941 Holy fucking... 950 01:18:21,645 --> 01:18:24,758 People, did you see a mexican guy? 951 01:18:25,508 --> 01:18:29,279 Drop it. Before I put this thing in your face.. 952 01:18:31,655 --> 01:18:32,814 You have it all wrong. 953 01:18:33,670 --> 01:18:39,413 This is all a big mistake. - The only mistake you made was dancing across the border muchacho. 954 01:18:39,414 --> 01:18:41,814 You don't understand. 955 01:18:41,815 --> 01:18:43,824 I am no mexican. 956 01:18:43,825 --> 01:18:44,986 Don't move your hands, amigo. 957 01:18:46,071 --> 01:18:49,154 Sir, really. Listen to my voice. 958 01:18:49,155 --> 01:18:49,977 Do I sound mexican? 959 01:18:50,978 --> 01:18:52,349 I am from Ontario for fuck's sake. 960 01:18:53,158 --> 01:18:58,281 Canadian and Mexican... Double whammy. 961 01:18:58,282 --> 01:18:59,968 Let's smoke this fool. 962 01:19:47,050 --> 01:19:49,726 Doc Felix needs to see him right away. - Machete. 963 01:19:50,562 --> 01:19:51,609 You are back. 964 01:19:55,635 --> 01:19:56,939 Sorry about the smell. 965 01:19:57,468 --> 01:19:59,744 Did you know an average person pass a gas 14 times a day? 966 01:20:00,466 --> 01:20:01,328 It's true. 967 01:20:02,164 --> 01:20:05,179 Our target..Luther Voz. 968 01:20:05,180 --> 01:20:07,466 The same proper fuck who's been jacking our members. 969 01:20:08,543 --> 01:20:11,662 As we speak, he's got a missile pointed right up our ass. 970 01:20:13,191 --> 01:20:15,312 And since it looks like no one else is gonna stop him; 971 01:20:16,725 --> 01:20:18,040 It's on us. 972 01:20:18,041 --> 01:20:21,769 Machete's mission with Voz has nothing to do with us. 973 01:20:21,770 --> 01:20:22,530 We are the network. 974 01:20:23,217 --> 01:20:25,339 Our Mission is Mexico. 975 01:20:25,340 --> 01:20:26,491 Our mission has changed. 976 01:20:26,492 --> 01:20:27,559 He is right. 977 01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:31,714 I am going alone. - You're not going anywhere, without me Cabron. 978 01:20:31,715 --> 01:20:33,657 No time to argue. 979 01:20:33,658 --> 01:20:34,615 Fuck that. 980 01:20:36,309 --> 01:20:39,006 Let me explain something..Miherte. 981 01:20:39,680 --> 01:20:41,225 This isn't about Mexico, no more. 982 01:20:41,976 --> 01:20:43,395 It's about the world. 983 01:20:44,079 --> 01:20:48,018 No world... no Mexico. 984 01:20:48,019 --> 01:20:48,880 Count me in. 985 01:20:48,881 --> 01:20:49,962 - Me too... me too. - Ditto. 986 01:20:53,287 --> 01:20:55,440 VIVA MACHETE! 987 01:20:59,074 --> 01:21:00,974 Looks like it's settled, Machete. 988 01:21:00,975 --> 01:21:02,345 When do we hit him? 989 01:21:02,346 --> 01:21:03,401 - Tonight. 990 01:21:11,288 --> 01:21:14,715 - Network one in position. - network two in position. 991 01:21:35,922 --> 01:21:41,266 Ladies and Gentleman, your host... Mr. Voz. 992 01:21:51,588 --> 01:21:54,058 My fellow travellers, my friends... 993 01:21:54,059 --> 01:21:57,666 I proudly present.. The Millenium One. 994 01:21:57,667 --> 01:21:59,919 Ready to launch right on schedule. 995 01:21:59,920 --> 01:22:01,305 Now, before long... 996 01:22:01,306 --> 01:22:05,450 We'll be transported to heavens on a maiden voyage of a titanic proportions! 997 01:22:05,451 --> 01:22:07,010 And once, the world is purged. 998 01:22:07,722 --> 01:22:13,042 We'll return to bring about.. A new world..TOGETHER! 999 01:22:17,615 --> 01:22:20,702 In a moment, the boarding process will begin. But first, my friends... 1000 01:22:20,703 --> 01:22:21,543 prepare for infinity. 1001 01:22:23,734 --> 01:22:25,960 Reveal your new selves to me. 1002 01:22:35,873 --> 01:22:39,224 Why don't you tell them the truth? 1003 01:22:40,099 --> 01:22:41,580 Tell them, you orchestrated all this. 1004 01:22:41,952 --> 01:22:43,142 The missiles, the heart... 1005 01:22:44,008 --> 01:22:47,934 Would someone please.. help the help. He seems to be lost. 1006 01:22:47,935 --> 01:22:49,095 Tell them, if the world ends. 1007 01:22:50,184 --> 01:22:52,908 You are the one who ended it. 1008 01:22:52,909 --> 01:22:55,868 How can this be? This isn't supppose to be happening. 1009 01:22:55,869 --> 01:22:56,771 I never saw this. 1010 01:22:58,424 --> 01:23:00,838 Machete happened. 1011 01:23:00,839 --> 01:23:03,657 Look, this is no time for second thoughts. 1012 01:23:03,658 --> 01:23:06,479 The end is near, I assure you. 1013 01:23:06,480 --> 01:23:08,024 For you. 1014 01:23:08,761 --> 01:23:10,767 Let's do this. 1015 01:23:18,036 --> 01:23:22,213 Well, ladies and gents.. I had hope to have an unhibited evening. But.. 1016 01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:25,151 Now it seems.. 1017 01:23:25,152 --> 01:23:26,113 Guard! 1018 01:23:58,903 --> 01:24:00,857 What in the fuck is that? 1019 01:24:02,562 --> 01:24:05,463 I'm more of a cherry bomb, matchstick kinda guy you know. 1020 01:24:05,464 --> 01:24:09,080 Semtex..TMT. 50/50 shot on a good day. 1021 01:24:09,081 --> 01:24:10,270 But this.. 1022 01:24:24,212 --> 01:24:26,437 Never mind.. we are alive. 1023 01:24:29,168 --> 01:24:31,089 It's a shame. I have to kill you now Mr. Machete. 1024 01:24:32,537 --> 01:24:33,881 You gotta go. 1025 01:24:36,059 --> 01:24:37,785 Go in style now. 1026 01:25:29,906 --> 01:25:31,437 Well now.. what can I say. 1027 01:25:31,438 --> 01:25:35,730 I suppose, we both like getting our hands a little dirty. 1028 01:25:44,655 --> 01:25:46,398 You can't beat me, you know? 1029 01:25:46,399 --> 01:25:47,358 I know your every move. 1030 01:25:48,497 --> 01:25:50,897 Even before you do. 1031 01:25:57,658 --> 01:25:58,803 Nobody knows Machete. 1032 01:25:59,504 --> 01:26:01,827 That's true. Ever since, I've met you.. 1033 01:26:01,828 --> 01:26:04,228 The future has been more unclear. And that, 1034 01:26:04,911 --> 01:26:07,311 that puzzles me. 1035 01:26:21,373 --> 01:26:27,498 I assure you I'm every bit as merciless as what you are.. 1036 01:26:27,499 --> 01:26:30,011 Demonstration 1037 01:27:22,362 --> 01:27:24,272 How poetic, 1038 01:27:24,273 --> 01:27:27,710 Now you really are the blind, leading the blind. 1039 01:28:17,048 --> 01:28:20,781 Alright folks, let's keep it moving. Form a single file line, one after another. 1040 01:28:20,782 --> 01:28:21,742 Thank you. 1041 01:28:31,338 --> 01:28:34,162 Keep your hands in the strap and hold on tight. 1042 01:29:05,356 --> 01:29:06,701 Really? 1043 01:29:07,691 --> 01:29:09,293 You're gonna make me kill a blind chick? 1044 01:29:11,324 --> 01:29:13,023 The Press could her my crown for that. 1045 01:29:13,024 --> 01:29:16,721 That's alright, they will just give it to the next bimbo, who spreads like virus. 1046 01:29:28,946 --> 01:29:30,645 Alright, darling. 1047 01:29:32,196 --> 01:29:33,327 You wanna tango... 1048 01:29:35,453 --> 01:29:36,746 let's tango. 1049 01:29:36,747 --> 01:29:39,051 Mano-a-mano Motherfucker. 1050 01:29:49,012 --> 01:29:50,310 Watch it now, pussycat. 1051 01:29:50,311 --> 01:29:54,163 That's not a very lady like kinda thing to say. 1052 01:29:54,164 --> 01:29:55,781 I don't do lady like. 1053 01:30:00,516 --> 01:30:04,613 So, what is it? You're just a regular old cranky bitch, with a PMS. 1054 01:31:18,254 --> 01:31:20,653 Ah..it appears we have a stray. 1055 01:31:20,654 --> 01:31:26,430 And where oh where might our mutual aquaintance be at this moment? 1056 01:31:26,431 --> 01:31:29,602 Pissing on your study day, you're fucked with the wrong mexican. 1057 01:31:29,603 --> 01:31:34,398 Indeed I have. However, in 20 second.. none of them would matter. But you.. 1058 01:31:34,399 --> 01:31:37,266 You're still in pickle. Anyway, you slice it. 1059 01:31:37,267 --> 01:31:39,706 I can't see, but I can still kick your ass. 1060 01:31:39,707 --> 01:31:42,816 That's why I'm taking you with me. 1061 01:32:11,551 --> 01:32:13,422 This is your captain speaking. 1062 01:32:13,423 --> 01:32:18,646 I apologize in advance for the discomfort you may experience during our travel. 1063 01:32:18,647 --> 01:32:21,753 But we are unforeseeably overbooked. 1064 01:32:21,754 --> 01:32:23,480 So, please hang on. 1065 01:32:23,481 --> 01:32:25,710 And try to enjoy the flight. 1066 01:32:29,334 --> 01:32:32,187 See you in space, Mr. Machete. 1067 01:33:21,601 --> 01:33:22,839 Machete, I got your message. 1068 01:33:22,840 --> 01:33:24,442 We were able to stop the other missiles. 1069 01:33:24,650 --> 01:33:26,249 Where is that son of a bitch, Voz? 1070 01:33:28,310 --> 01:33:34,068 Are you telling me that... is out there flipping with weapons and shit? 1071 01:33:34,755 --> 01:33:37,899 I got a wild idea. Just hear me out. 1072 01:33:37,900 --> 01:33:42,808 I can put you, in a space A Rocket. Top of the line. 1073 01:33:42,809 --> 01:33:46,966 You go, up in the space... 1074 01:33:49,743 --> 01:33:51,474 I'll do it. 1075 01:33:51,475 --> 01:33:54,201 Your country thanks you. 1076 01:34:03,178 --> 01:34:05,755 Good luck, Machete. Get the Bastard. 1077 01:34:11,923 --> 01:34:17,098 Custom Subtitle by Klick3R 1078 01:34:19,696 --> 01:34:21,201 MACHETE 1079 01:34:28,380 --> 01:34:30,789 WILL RETURN 1080 01:34:36,830 --> 01:34:38,362 IN 1081 01:34:47,305 --> 01:34:49,116 Machete Kills Again 1082 01:35:00,517 --> 01:35:03,085 IN SPACE 1083 01:35:07,757 --> 01:35:08,679 I am President Rathcock 1084 01:35:09,170 --> 01:35:11,270 And I approve, this message.