1 00:00:59,096 --> 00:01:00,764 My husband. 2 00:01:01,599 --> 00:01:02,850 Thank you for last night. 3 00:01:17,697 --> 00:01:19,323 Thank you for last night. 4 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,717 Thank you for last night. 5 00:02:09,161 --> 00:02:10,745 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 6 00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:13,665 Shit. 7 00:02:27,636 --> 00:02:32,724 Today, these visually-impaired senior citizens will fulfill a lifelong dream: 8 00:02:35,476 --> 00:02:37,103 To swim with dolphins. 9 00:02:39,522 --> 00:02:40,731 Hey, check this out. 10 00:02:41,732 --> 00:02:43,942 - What is that? - Careful. 11 00:02:44,151 --> 00:02:46,194 That is four years of research. 12 00:02:46,361 --> 00:02:49,990 A technological breakthrough which might just save a life or two. 13 00:02:50,198 --> 00:02:51,908 - What's it for? - A device to prevent... 14 00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:53,826 ...the beaching of cetaceans. 15 00:02:53,993 --> 00:02:56,746 - That's whales to you and me. - Cetaceans, huh? 16 00:02:56,913 --> 00:02:59,040 That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 17 00:03:01,625 --> 00:03:04,044 I'm not a man-whore. 18 00:03:04,253 --> 00:03:06,296 I'm a fish enthusiast. 19 00:03:06,546 --> 00:03:08,298 I stopped man-whoring when I met my wife. 20 00:03:08,507 --> 00:03:10,675 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon... 21 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:12,552 ...because you tried to feed the sharks. 22 00:03:12,677 --> 00:03:15,263 You tell your mom I was trying to feed the turtles. 23 00:03:15,388 --> 00:03:17,557 Didn't realize there was meat sauce on the lettuce. 24 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:20,976 Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't even work, you stupid he-bitch. 25 00:03:21,143 --> 00:03:23,520 - Come on, I got it. - Hey, you little bastards. 26 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,898 Give that back! That's not a toy! 27 00:03:27,482 --> 00:03:29,693 That's the one. That's your grandma. 28 00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,611 Give me..! Come on! Give me..! 29 00:03:41,912 --> 00:03:44,915 Something seems to be going wrong. I'm not sure what's happening. 30 00:03:48,251 --> 00:03:49,628 I gotcha! I got..! 31 00:04:01,013 --> 00:04:03,140 Hey, everybody. I'm home. 32 00:04:07,185 --> 00:04:09,646 Hi, Kate. I missed you today. 33 00:04:10,814 --> 00:04:12,941 The prototype's almost working. 34 00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:14,901 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 35 00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:23,659 Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where three blind swimmers are missing. 36 00:04:23,826 --> 00:04:25,744 I hope that man rots in hell! 37 00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:28,914 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ball... 38 00:04:35,878 --> 00:04:38,130 - Hello? - Deucey, Deucey, Deucey. 39 00:04:38,297 --> 00:04:39,882 It's your old buddy T.J. Here. 40 00:04:40,132 --> 00:04:42,009 - T.J? - I'm in Amsterdam. 41 00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:45,137 Man, you'd love it here. It's like Disneyland for college students. 42 00:04:45,429 --> 00:04:46,555 You wouldn't believe this. 43 00:04:46,722 --> 00:04:49,599 Why don't you come and let your friend T.J. Show you a good time. 44 00:04:49,808 --> 00:04:51,768 - Oh, that's crazy. I can't. - Look. 45 00:04:51,976 --> 00:04:54,312 It ain't like you got something better to do over there. 46 00:04:54,479 --> 00:04:56,314 Amsterdam is so far away. 47 00:04:56,522 --> 00:04:59,650 Police have just released a sketch of a man wanted for questioning. 48 00:04:59,817 --> 00:05:03,987 Witnesses report he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 49 00:05:04,655 --> 00:05:07,407 On the other hand, far away could be good. 50 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:11,870 Is my wife gonna be okay in there? 51 00:05:12,036 --> 00:05:14,289 - She'll be fine, sir. - All right. 52 00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:17,625 Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 from Helsinki is now arriving... 53 00:05:17,792 --> 00:05:20,461 Excuse me. I think there's been a mix-up. 54 00:05:21,545 --> 00:05:23,255 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 55 00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,383 That's okay. I always wondered what it felt like to be a white woman. 56 00:05:27,384 --> 00:05:29,386 - Can I borrow it? - Give me that. 57 00:05:30,387 --> 00:05:31,346 Hold on. 58 00:05:31,721 --> 00:05:34,349 All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 59 00:05:41,730 --> 00:05:42,940 Excuse me. 60 00:05:43,190 --> 00:05:44,358 Okay. 61 00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:56,119 Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 62 00:05:56,911 --> 00:05:58,663 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 63 00:05:58,871 --> 00:06:02,416 You have nothing to worry about. I'm a fish expert, remember? 64 00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:05,586 What is that over there? 65 00:06:05,878 --> 00:06:08,964 Oh, that's just some kid with a fin on his back, trying to scare us. 66 00:06:09,256 --> 00:06:11,132 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 67 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,510 Do you think the hotel would let us swim if there were sharks? 68 00:06:15,595 --> 00:06:19,515 Come on. This is Mexico. 69 00:06:20,599 --> 00:06:22,559 They know what they're doing. 70 00:06:34,070 --> 00:06:35,947 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 71 00:06:36,114 --> 00:06:38,949 Fuck you, American, you imperialist bastard! 72 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:42,411 I love America. I love President Bush. 73 00:06:42,578 --> 00:06:44,955 Thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq. 74 00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:47,416 - Shut up! - Oh, shit! 75 00:06:49,251 --> 00:06:51,252 Oh, hello. Sir. 76 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:54,505 - Is this okay? - You did miss a spot. 77 00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:01,428 Did I get it? 78 00:07:01,971 --> 00:07:04,098 Put some elbow in it. 79 00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:07,517 Sorry, honey. 80 00:07:13,398 --> 00:07:14,983 What's with all these red lights? 81 00:07:16,234 --> 00:07:18,611 I wonder if they know their curtains are open. 82 00:07:21,363 --> 00:07:22,573 Oh, man. 83 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,910 Ahoy there! 84 00:07:27,411 --> 00:07:29,412 Big Deucey in Amsterdam. 85 00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:32,415 Man, get on over here. 86 00:07:33,124 --> 00:07:34,751 Deucey. 87 00:07:35,293 --> 00:07:37,503 - Look at this boat. - Check this out. 88 00:07:42,258 --> 00:07:43,842 You like that? 89 00:07:49,431 --> 00:07:50,932 I couldn't be happier for you. 90 00:07:51,099 --> 00:07:52,642 Come, let me show you my float-crib. 91 00:07:52,934 --> 00:07:55,895 - Okay. - Looking like money. 92 00:07:56,062 --> 00:07:59,398 I'm telling you, you gonna have a good time, man, huh? 93 00:08:00,858 --> 00:08:03,360 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 94 00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:08,115 It's nice. I like what you've done with it. 95 00:08:08,323 --> 00:08:11,493 Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat. 96 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,703 This is where I live. This is my home. 97 00:08:13,912 --> 00:08:16,497 I don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 98 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,709 What do you think of the float-crib? You feeling it? 99 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:23,670 T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. 100 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,380 No, no, no. It's just high tide. 101 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,050 Is that what I think it is? 102 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,137 Yeah. I brought Kate. 103 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,889 I really wanna show her a good time, you know? 104 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,058 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 105 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,019 Deucey. 106 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:44,273 Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. 107 00:08:44,648 --> 00:08:47,359 - You gotta move on with your life. - T.J! 108 00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:50,945 Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? 109 00:08:51,112 --> 00:08:52,947 I no more man-whore. Too much danger. 110 00:08:55,658 --> 00:08:57,076 Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. 111 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,746 Listen up, Lil' Kim. 112 00:09:00,913 --> 00:09:03,957 When your little bony ass had SARS, who got you out of quarantine? 113 00:09:04,917 --> 00:09:07,210 - Go make me some money. - No way! 114 00:09:07,377 --> 00:09:09,296 I take my three inches elsewhere. 115 00:09:14,884 --> 00:09:17,053 So I thought I'd come over here and make a killing. 116 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:19,138 Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. 117 00:09:19,347 --> 00:09:21,390 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho... 118 00:09:21,599 --> 00:09:23,809 ...is a floating man-ho. - Makes sense. 119 00:09:23,976 --> 00:09:26,019 Then all these man-whore murders started. 120 00:09:26,311 --> 00:09:28,271 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 121 00:09:28,438 --> 00:09:29,898 What kind of world do we live in... 122 00:09:30,106 --> 00:09:32,650 ...where the streets ain't safe for male prostitutes? 123 00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:34,736 Here's your hashish. 124 00:09:35,653 --> 00:09:37,697 - Enjoy. - Hashish? 125 00:09:37,863 --> 00:09:39,657 - Yeah. - No. 126 00:09:41,784 --> 00:09:43,285 I thought this was a coffee shop. 127 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,871 Let me break it down for you. You're in Amsterdam. 128 00:09:46,038 --> 00:09:48,748 If you want coffee, you go to a caf�. 129 00:09:48,915 --> 00:09:52,919 If you want marijuana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, you go to a coffee shop. 130 00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,796 That's where you is now. 131 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,055 Put that away. Cops. Cops! 132 00:10:05,889 --> 00:10:07,766 Hold it right there. 133 00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:17,817 Now, that joint looks loose. If you want, I'll roll the next one. 134 00:10:18,859 --> 00:10:20,569 Have a good evening, huh? 135 00:10:21,695 --> 00:10:24,031 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 136 00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,325 It's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 137 00:10:26,491 --> 00:10:28,452 No. I'm not smoking nothing. 138 00:10:28,618 --> 00:10:29,911 Oh, come on, man. 139 00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:32,205 - Deucey don't smoke. - Suit yourself. 140 00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:34,707 Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer... 141 00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:37,001 ...the gigolo with the most below. 142 00:10:37,168 --> 00:10:38,711 What do you want, T.J? I'm busy. 143 00:10:38,878 --> 00:10:41,213 I wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 144 00:10:41,338 --> 00:10:43,966 - He's a gigolo from America. - Hi. 145 00:10:47,969 --> 00:10:50,055 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 146 00:10:50,221 --> 00:10:52,474 How much you getting for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 147 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:53,808 I could get you more. 148 00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:55,935 A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 149 00:10:56,144 --> 00:10:57,728 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 150 00:10:57,895 --> 00:10:59,188 See you around, T.J. 151 00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:00,815 The Man-whore Awards are coming up. 152 00:11:00,981 --> 00:11:02,399 You wanna win the Golden Boner? 153 00:11:02,524 --> 00:11:04,109 I already won it twice. 154 00:11:04,276 --> 00:11:05,903 Just ask your ex-fianc�e. 155 00:11:06,653 --> 00:11:08,738 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 156 00:11:10,699 --> 00:11:12,742 I can't believe prostitution's legal here. 157 00:11:12,951 --> 00:11:15,453 Oh, yeah, it's big business. They got a union, dental plan. 158 00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:18,372 Man, if I had a he-bitch like Heinz Hummer... 159 00:11:18,539 --> 00:11:20,291 ...put me back in the game. 160 00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:22,418 - Is he that good? - "Is he that good?" 161 00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:25,045 They don't call him "Lord of the Wangs" for nothing. 162 00:11:25,462 --> 00:11:27,255 Man, what I wouldn't give... 163 00:11:27,714 --> 00:11:28,882 For Heinz's wang? 164 00:11:29,591 --> 00:11:32,177 No, I don't want Heinz's wang! I want him as a client. 165 00:11:33,845 --> 00:11:35,513 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 166 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,599 Talking about me wanting Heinz's big juicy wang. 167 00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:39,934 People would think I'm gay. 168 00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:43,103 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world: 169 00:11:43,228 --> 00:11:44,730 His reputation. 170 00:11:44,855 --> 00:11:47,607 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 171 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,568 - What is this? - Spacecake. 172 00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,030 - Why do they call it that? - You know... 173 00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:56,407 ...it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 174 00:11:59,535 --> 00:12:01,328 I'm starving. 175 00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:06,792 - It's a little dry. - Keep eating. It gets better. 176 00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:10,128 - You sure you don't want any? - No. 177 00:12:10,253 --> 00:12:13,173 Never been high, never gonna be. 178 00:12:14,799 --> 00:12:16,384 This is pretty good cake, though. 179 00:12:17,218 --> 00:12:18,469 Fucking excellent. 180 00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:53,960 You. 181 00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:57,588 Come on in here. 182 00:12:58,047 --> 00:12:59,757 You..? You want me to..? 183 00:12:59,924 --> 00:13:01,342 Yes, you. 184 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,569 - Maybe you can help me. - Really? 185 00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:26,490 I don't want a man who's chiseled and sculpted. 186 00:13:27,115 --> 00:13:29,784 I like soft and weak. 187 00:13:29,951 --> 00:13:33,037 - You do? - I want a man who's unemployed. 188 00:13:34,372 --> 00:13:36,833 And went to a community college. 189 00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:39,293 I am, and I did. 190 00:13:39,502 --> 00:13:42,171 - You know what really turns me on? - What? 191 00:13:42,379 --> 00:13:45,007 Is thinking about him in his tighty whities... 192 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,050 ...sitting at his computer... 193 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:49,594 ...and visiting different porn sites... 194 00:13:49,761 --> 00:13:54,140 ...and taking the free tour with no intention of ever joining. 195 00:13:54,307 --> 00:13:55,850 I don't have a credit card! 196 00:13:56,017 --> 00:13:58,853 - Kiss my chest. - Okay. 197 00:14:00,354 --> 00:14:01,897 Harder! 198 00:14:02,273 --> 00:14:03,440 - Bite me! - You sure? 199 00:14:03,565 --> 00:14:04,942 Harder! Bite me harder! 200 00:14:07,069 --> 00:14:10,405 Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! 201 00:14:12,824 --> 00:14:15,159 No more spacecakes for you. 202 00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:21,624 Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. I must have gotten a contact buzz. 203 00:14:21,832 --> 00:14:23,834 What'd I tell you about making me look gay? 204 00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:26,003 Not ten minutes go by and you got your mouth... 205 00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:27,671 ...all over my breasteses. 206 00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:29,089 My nipple's ruined! 207 00:14:29,548 --> 00:14:31,508 You're lucky I was born with a spare. 208 00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:36,095 There go one of my ho's. 209 00:14:36,387 --> 00:14:38,222 The old guy in the walker's one of your ho's? 210 00:14:38,431 --> 00:14:41,892 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there making me my money? 211 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:45,145 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 212 00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:47,564 Deucey, meet me back at the float-crib. 213 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,859 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 214 00:14:51,109 --> 00:14:54,988 I raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. Then: 215 00:14:56,405 --> 00:14:58,324 Feel my pimp hand. 216 00:15:00,743 --> 00:15:01,911 Where's the boat? 217 00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:16,007 Oh. You scared me. 218 00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,261 Hey. Do you know who I am? 219 00:15:20,427 --> 00:15:24,723 I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 220 00:15:24,932 --> 00:15:27,309 I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 221 00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:30,145 I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... 222 00:15:30,312 --> 00:15:32,439 ...that will make you scream all night. Okay? 223 00:15:32,605 --> 00:15:35,900 But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 224 00:15:38,611 --> 00:15:40,654 Wait a second. Do I know you? 225 00:15:44,116 --> 00:15:46,827 "New-jizz-fizz... 226 00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:50,830 ...ver-bur-ger-king... "? 227 00:16:03,634 --> 00:16:05,177 Heinz. 228 00:16:11,808 --> 00:16:13,685 Man, are you wasted. 229 00:16:18,606 --> 00:16:20,065 I gotcha. 230 00:16:21,817 --> 00:16:23,694 Coming up next, more weather. 231 00:16:25,445 --> 00:16:26,863 What's this? 232 00:16:28,615 --> 00:16:30,450 Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. 233 00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:34,120 Holy shit. 234 00:16:35,455 --> 00:16:37,707 Europe just got a little better. 235 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,919 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 236 00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:44,880 - You gotta keep your bitches in line. - Yeah. 237 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,592 - What's he doing here? - I found him passed out in the alley. 238 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:51,052 I couldn't just leave him there. 239 00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,512 I put in a good word for you. 240 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,972 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 241 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,141 I knew you'd come around. 242 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,688 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 243 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:07,317 No. He can't be. 244 00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:10,904 I'm telling you, Heinz is dead. See for yourself. 245 00:17:16,117 --> 00:17:17,368 Watch this. 246 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:24,917 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 247 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:33,424 I can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 248 00:17:33,591 --> 00:17:36,260 - What were you thinking? - I didn't know you could die from pot. 249 00:17:36,427 --> 00:17:39,972 This is no pot-related fatality. This is no ganja accident. 250 00:17:40,181 --> 00:17:41,849 This man was murdered. 251 00:17:44,268 --> 00:17:45,727 The Man-whore Killer did this? 252 00:17:48,647 --> 00:17:51,232 - We gotta call the police. - No, no, no! Hey, hey! 253 00:17:51,358 --> 00:17:52,775 Goddamn, white boy. 254 00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,153 You think the police gonna believe a black pimp... 255 00:17:55,278 --> 00:17:57,822 ...had nothing to do with a dead prosti-dude in his crib? 256 00:18:07,914 --> 00:18:10,625 Before I toss your dumb ass in the canal, I just wanna say... 257 00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:12,877 ...for the record, under T.J.'s management... 258 00:18:13,044 --> 00:18:14,921 ...this would have never happened. 259 00:18:18,341 --> 00:18:21,135 I just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 260 00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:26,932 Goddamn! 261 00:18:27,557 --> 00:18:29,684 No wonder Delisha never came back. 262 00:18:29,893 --> 00:18:32,520 That shit's the real Loch Ness monster. 263 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:35,565 What's over there? 264 00:18:37,441 --> 00:18:39,610 - Look where his hand is. - What the shit is this? 265 00:18:40,694 --> 00:18:43,197 What you looking at? Turn off them damn cameras! 266 00:18:43,447 --> 00:18:45,949 I ain't gay! I was only looking down his pants... 267 00:18:46,116 --> 00:18:48,285 ...because I heard his schlong was so big and juicy. 268 00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:50,996 Wait a minute. That didn't sound right. 269 00:18:51,204 --> 00:18:53,081 - Perv! - Give me them damn cameras. 270 00:18:55,792 --> 00:18:56,918 Where is he? 271 00:18:57,126 --> 00:19:00,421 We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 272 00:19:00,588 --> 00:19:02,089 The suspected Man-whore Killer... 273 00:19:02,298 --> 00:19:04,341 ... has been spotted on the Prinsengracht Canal... 274 00:19:04,508 --> 00:19:06,468 ... attempting to dispose of his latest victim. 275 00:19:07,594 --> 00:19:09,471 - I ain't gay! - The suspected killer... 276 00:19:09,596 --> 00:19:12,932 ... has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 277 00:19:13,099 --> 00:19:14,976 - You idiot. - He is still at large... 278 00:19:15,143 --> 00:19:16,519 - ... and extremely... - Hold it! 279 00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:18,271 Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? 280 00:19:19,146 --> 00:19:21,148 - Where is he? - I don't know. 281 00:19:23,525 --> 00:19:25,986 - Where is he? - I swear I don't know. 282 00:19:27,112 --> 00:19:29,531 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 283 00:19:30,073 --> 00:19:33,243 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 284 00:19:33,451 --> 00:19:35,370 Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... 285 00:19:35,536 --> 00:19:39,415 Please, Mr. Bigalow. I've heard this a thousand times. 286 00:19:39,582 --> 00:19:41,792 You were cold, you were frightened. 287 00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:44,128 He took you under his arm and fed you. 288 00:19:44,294 --> 00:19:46,004 He made you feel sexy. 289 00:19:46,171 --> 00:19:49,299 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 290 00:19:49,424 --> 00:19:52,969 But your friend is obviously a killer. 291 00:19:53,136 --> 00:19:54,387 T.J.'s not a killer. 292 00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:57,098 If he isn't a murderer... 293 00:19:57,265 --> 00:20:00,101 ...then what was he doing checking out a dead man's penis? 294 00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:02,978 I guess he was curious. 295 00:20:03,395 --> 00:20:06,523 He heard it was big and juicy... 296 00:20:06,690 --> 00:20:08,900 ...and wanted to see for himself. 297 00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:10,360 A lot of guys do that. 298 00:20:12,654 --> 00:20:15,865 No, they don't. 299 00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:18,617 Okay. 300 00:20:19,326 --> 00:20:20,619 T.J.'s gay. 301 00:20:20,995 --> 00:20:24,748 - Really? - Not normal-gay, but, you know... 302 00:20:25,165 --> 00:20:27,709 ...crazy-gay, you know? 303 00:20:28,335 --> 00:20:30,754 Musical-theater-gay. 304 00:20:32,338 --> 00:20:34,215 Is that why he puts lipstick... 305 00:20:35,591 --> 00:20:38,177 ...on all his victims? 306 00:20:39,428 --> 00:20:40,846 Wait a minute. 307 00:20:41,055 --> 00:20:44,516 In the alley, I heard someone whistling. 308 00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:46,226 And I saw someone. 309 00:20:48,562 --> 00:20:50,230 A woman... 310 00:20:51,481 --> 00:20:53,900 ...in a leopard coat. 311 00:20:54,776 --> 00:20:58,321 People see a lot of crazy things when they're high on spacecake. 312 00:20:58,529 --> 00:21:00,489 There's drugs in spacecake? 313 00:21:00,698 --> 00:21:04,493 Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 314 00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:13,084 - T.J., thank God you're here. - How'd you find me? 315 00:21:13,251 --> 00:21:15,545 It's the only chicken and waffle place in Holland. 316 00:21:15,711 --> 00:21:18,506 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 317 00:21:18,589 --> 00:21:19,965 That's racist. 318 00:21:20,591 --> 00:21:23,844 - But you are here. - Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 319 00:21:26,305 --> 00:21:28,640 - It's a nice place. - Did you know Holland invented... 320 00:21:28,765 --> 00:21:30,809 ...chicken and waffles? - Really? 321 00:21:30,975 --> 00:21:33,770 Before that, you could only get chicken or waffles. 322 00:21:33,978 --> 00:21:36,772 But they were the first to put them together. 323 00:21:37,148 --> 00:21:40,693 Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that. 324 00:21:40,818 --> 00:21:42,986 You do know the Dutch started the slave trade. 325 00:21:43,487 --> 00:21:45,614 Those motherfuckers! 326 00:21:51,828 --> 00:21:53,162 Who let them print this? 327 00:21:53,371 --> 00:21:57,166 Look, we're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 328 00:21:57,375 --> 00:22:00,503 I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part. 329 00:22:00,628 --> 00:22:03,213 If I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 330 00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:05,132 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 331 00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:06,758 But a gay pimp? 332 00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,844 - Like, where I'm going? Vermont? - Look, T. J... 333 00:22:10,011 --> 00:22:11,888 ...I think I saw the real killer. 334 00:22:12,097 --> 00:22:13,306 It was a woman. 335 00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:16,184 Some she-john went on a he-bitch killing spree... 336 00:22:16,267 --> 00:22:18,519 ...because she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 337 00:22:18,686 --> 00:22:21,272 - What's a Filthy Lopez? - Forty bucks. Same as downtown. 338 00:22:21,438 --> 00:22:24,358 All we do is find the she-johns that went out with the dead gigolos. 339 00:22:24,525 --> 00:22:26,234 - One of them is our killer. - Makes sense. 340 00:22:26,443 --> 00:22:28,653 - You gotta get back on the horse. - Horse? What horse? 341 00:22:28,862 --> 00:22:30,030 The man-whore horse. 342 00:22:30,155 --> 00:22:31,740 We gonna use your white ass as bait. 343 00:22:31,906 --> 00:22:33,533 Bait? Look, I'm not man-whoring. 344 00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:35,910 We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle. 345 00:22:36,285 --> 00:22:39,663 Twat-sicle? Gross! No. 346 00:22:42,541 --> 00:22:44,293 Give this to my mama. 347 00:22:44,585 --> 00:22:46,837 Tell her I'm sorry I was a disappointment to her. 348 00:22:47,004 --> 00:22:49,506 Sorry I called her friends in the middle of the night... 349 00:22:49,673 --> 00:22:51,549 ...when I was pleasuring myself. 350 00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:54,594 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 351 00:22:56,888 --> 00:23:01,267 Even if I wanted to, how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 352 00:23:01,433 --> 00:23:03,602 We'll go to the man-whore union. But be careful. 353 00:23:03,727 --> 00:23:04,937 They'll be looking for me. 354 00:23:07,481 --> 00:23:11,067 Meeting of the Royal Order of European Man-whores... 355 00:23:11,234 --> 00:23:13,444 ...is now in session. 356 00:23:13,611 --> 00:23:16,072 These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 357 00:23:16,447 --> 00:23:18,991 That? That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 358 00:23:19,158 --> 00:23:21,410 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 359 00:23:22,411 --> 00:23:24,371 That? That's Enzo. He's Italian. 360 00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:26,748 His nutsack is insured for a million dollars. 361 00:23:26,957 --> 00:23:29,209 - That's 500 grand each. - Check it out. 362 00:23:29,668 --> 00:23:31,378 That's Assapopulus from Greece. 363 00:23:31,503 --> 00:23:34,339 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 364 00:23:34,464 --> 00:23:35,923 I'd like to never see that. 365 00:23:36,257 --> 00:23:40,094 I'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, Heinz Hummer. 366 00:23:40,302 --> 00:23:41,512 Who's the blond guy? 367 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,848 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of ho's. 368 00:23:45,015 --> 00:23:47,809 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry VIII crabs. 369 00:23:48,018 --> 00:23:50,854 But I know Heinz would like to be remembered for most... 370 00:23:51,479 --> 00:23:54,440 ...was being a male prostitute. - Hear, hear. 371 00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:57,318 He was also a supercilious cunt. 372 00:23:58,027 --> 00:24:01,572 - Who's that guy? - Gian-Carlo. Silverback he-bitch. 373 00:24:01,780 --> 00:24:04,575 Heinz Hummer was undercutting all of us. 374 00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:06,326 - What? - Yes. 375 00:24:06,451 --> 00:24:09,204 He was charging the same price for straight sex... 376 00:24:09,371 --> 00:24:11,581 ...as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 377 00:24:11,706 --> 00:24:13,666 - What? - Oh, yes. 378 00:24:13,917 --> 00:24:17,920 He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer... 379 00:24:18,087 --> 00:24:21,131 ...as he was for a Portuguese Breakfast. 380 00:24:22,883 --> 00:24:25,719 As we sow, so shall we reap. 381 00:24:25,928 --> 00:24:28,889 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 382 00:24:29,055 --> 00:24:31,016 Until this insane killer is apprehended... 383 00:24:31,182 --> 00:24:34,394 ...the union is going to institute a new security measure. 384 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:38,064 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na... 385 00:24:39,023 --> 00:24:42,026 ...and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 386 00:24:42,192 --> 00:24:46,071 There are rings of all sizes available, smaller for our Asian members. 387 00:24:46,738 --> 00:24:48,115 Y'all know me. 388 00:24:49,074 --> 00:24:50,825 My name is McManus. 389 00:24:51,326 --> 00:24:55,747 I joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons: 390 00:24:55,913 --> 00:24:58,499 To have intercourse in exchange for cash... 391 00:24:58,666 --> 00:25:01,543 ...and two, to protect me rights as a man-whore. 392 00:25:01,710 --> 00:25:02,878 But... 393 00:25:03,754 --> 00:25:05,422 ...three years ago... 394 00:25:05,631 --> 00:25:09,718 ...when this union told we man-whores... 395 00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:13,888 ...that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls... 396 00:25:14,097 --> 00:25:16,307 ...I strongly disagreed. 397 00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:18,351 But I did not stand up. 398 00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:21,687 I'm ashamed to say I stood down! 399 00:25:22,146 --> 00:25:24,273 And then three months later... 400 00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:27,651 ...this union told we man-whores... 401 00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:33,031 ...that we were to begin washing our private areas between customers. 402 00:25:33,239 --> 00:25:35,575 Our private areas. 403 00:25:36,367 --> 00:25:40,162 And once again, I'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen... 404 00:25:40,788 --> 00:25:42,039 ...I stood down! 405 00:25:42,831 --> 00:25:47,753 But now, sir, for what am I to tell my 8-year-old boy... 406 00:25:48,044 --> 00:25:50,255 ...when he comes to me and he says: 407 00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:52,257 "Daddy. Daddy. 408 00:25:52,423 --> 00:25:57,428 What's that thing hanging off of your he-pussy?" 409 00:25:58,137 --> 00:26:00,014 How am I to tell him, sir? 410 00:26:06,228 --> 00:26:08,730 Deucey, you can do this. 411 00:26:08,855 --> 00:26:10,565 Due to high demand... 412 00:26:10,732 --> 00:26:13,693 ...each member will be only allowed two tickets... 413 00:26:13,818 --> 00:26:16,737 ...to this year's Man-whore Awards. - How's it going? 414 00:26:17,363 --> 00:26:20,491 I'm Deuce Bigalow. I'm a gigolo from America. 415 00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:24,828 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 416 00:26:25,037 --> 00:26:26,288 Homo! 417 00:26:27,330 --> 00:26:30,500 Now, I'm convinced that the real killer... 418 00:26:31,709 --> 00:26:32,877 ...is a she-john. 419 00:26:34,754 --> 00:26:37,006 Which means any one of you could be next. 420 00:26:38,591 --> 00:26:40,843 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 421 00:26:41,010 --> 00:26:43,303 Now, if we all work together... 422 00:26:43,512 --> 00:26:45,430 ...we can find out who the real killer is. 423 00:26:47,182 --> 00:26:48,808 What do you say? 424 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,233 How come you didn't tell them I wasn't gay? 425 00:26:57,441 --> 00:27:00,277 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 426 00:27:00,611 --> 00:27:02,529 - What do we do now? - T.J. Has an old friend... 427 00:27:02,696 --> 00:27:06,533 ...who just might be able to help us. Come on. Watch your step. 428 00:27:08,451 --> 00:27:10,120 Right this way, please. 429 00:27:10,620 --> 00:27:11,830 Deuce. 430 00:27:13,915 --> 00:27:15,666 Antoine? 431 00:27:16,167 --> 00:27:18,127 - Sit down. - It's good to see you. 432 00:27:18,294 --> 00:27:19,462 It's been a long time. 433 00:27:25,217 --> 00:27:27,511 This is the list from the man-whore union. 434 00:27:28,345 --> 00:27:31,806 It's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 435 00:27:31,973 --> 00:27:33,224 Awesome! 436 00:27:37,395 --> 00:27:40,689 Please be quiet. I went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 437 00:27:40,940 --> 00:27:43,567 - Sorry. - Now, if you want to compete... 438 00:27:43,692 --> 00:27:45,402 ...with the European man-whores... 439 00:27:45,569 --> 00:27:48,738 ...you need to learn how to really please a woman. 440 00:27:49,072 --> 00:27:51,533 - I should write some of this down. - Go ahead. 441 00:27:52,325 --> 00:27:55,370 You must be able to pleasure a woman with... 442 00:27:56,621 --> 00:27:57,830 With your... 443 00:27:58,664 --> 00:27:59,999 Pleasure her with..? 444 00:28:04,753 --> 00:28:06,088 Do you want me to try? 445 00:28:14,887 --> 00:28:16,055 All right. 446 00:28:17,014 --> 00:28:18,933 Women really like that? 447 00:28:28,775 --> 00:28:30,193 Man-whore down. 448 00:28:34,822 --> 00:28:36,949 Get the list. It's in his pants. 449 00:28:37,158 --> 00:28:39,326 All right. I think I got it. 450 00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:47,542 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants... 451 00:28:47,751 --> 00:28:49,836 ...without setting off the faggot alarm? 452 00:28:51,921 --> 00:28:54,340 Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 453 00:28:54,549 --> 00:28:56,300 What am I gonna do if she tries to kill me? 454 00:28:56,509 --> 00:28:59,095 Distract her with your magic she-nis, I'll look for evidence. 455 00:28:59,261 --> 00:29:01,096 The lipstick and the leopard coat. 456 00:29:05,517 --> 00:29:09,771 All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. 457 00:29:09,938 --> 00:29:12,899 Hi, I'm Deuce... Biggest lady I've ever seen. 458 00:29:13,983 --> 00:29:16,027 That's a huge bitch. 459 00:29:19,488 --> 00:29:20,906 Hi. 460 00:29:23,909 --> 00:29:25,327 Cute kids. Are they yours? 461 00:29:25,452 --> 00:29:29,623 Those pictures, they come with the frames. I'm unable to have children. 462 00:29:30,165 --> 00:29:33,501 I'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 463 00:29:42,051 --> 00:29:43,427 Evidence. 464 00:29:47,097 --> 00:29:48,849 That big ho got food everywhere. 465 00:29:50,433 --> 00:29:51,810 You're a nice man. 466 00:29:52,018 --> 00:29:54,103 Now, take off your clothes. 467 00:29:54,312 --> 00:29:57,315 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 468 00:29:57,565 --> 00:29:59,108 Take them off! 469 00:30:01,819 --> 00:30:03,445 "Dutch Bride. " 470 00:30:25,340 --> 00:30:27,259 Baby walk to Mommy. 471 00:30:28,135 --> 00:30:30,095 Come, come. 472 00:30:30,303 --> 00:30:32,555 No! Like baby! 473 00:30:32,722 --> 00:30:35,600 Baby walk to Mommy. 474 00:30:37,768 --> 00:30:39,645 Good baby. 475 00:30:45,234 --> 00:30:46,860 Come to Mommy. 476 00:30:53,116 --> 00:30:55,743 Baby hungry? Want booby? 477 00:30:57,787 --> 00:30:59,622 Baby never eat again. 478 00:31:11,549 --> 00:31:14,302 You like them big hairy balls, don't you? 479 00:31:28,899 --> 00:31:31,359 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 480 00:31:35,196 --> 00:31:36,405 Hold it! 481 00:31:36,614 --> 00:31:39,533 Hold it right there. Is this truck full of marijuana? 482 00:31:39,658 --> 00:31:43,162 Is this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 483 00:31:43,287 --> 00:31:46,081 No unloading pot in the red zone. 484 00:31:46,373 --> 00:31:47,874 Write him up. 485 00:31:48,041 --> 00:31:50,585 - But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. - Inspector. 486 00:31:50,710 --> 00:31:53,588 She's turning 13. We need all this pot for the party. 487 00:31:53,796 --> 00:31:56,883 Inspector. I got these lipsticks from Marlene Alsmere. 488 00:31:57,049 --> 00:31:59,176 She was a customer of Heinz. She's big and strong. 489 00:31:59,343 --> 00:32:02,179 - She could easily be the killer. - The lipstick the killer uses... 490 00:32:02,346 --> 00:32:03,555 ...is a very rare one. 491 00:32:03,722 --> 00:32:09,436 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 492 00:32:09,561 --> 00:32:10,645 But... But... 493 00:32:10,770 --> 00:32:14,482 Sir, I have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 494 00:32:15,149 --> 00:32:17,860 - Will you stop doing that? - Will you stop playing these games... 495 00:32:18,027 --> 00:32:20,529 ...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? - T.J.'s innocent. 496 00:32:20,696 --> 00:32:23,032 Oh, don't make me laugh. "T.J.'s innocent. " 497 00:32:24,199 --> 00:32:26,743 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 498 00:32:26,952 --> 00:32:29,246 That's very nice. Thanks. 499 00:32:34,459 --> 00:32:37,878 - Let me... Let me help you with that. - Thank you. 500 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,049 Excuse me for asking... 501 00:32:42,216 --> 00:32:44,259 ...but why did you slap yourself like that? 502 00:32:45,677 --> 00:32:47,262 Promise you won't laugh? 503 00:32:47,846 --> 00:32:49,055 I promise. 504 00:32:50,849 --> 00:32:54,394 I have obsessive compulsive disorder. 505 00:32:55,395 --> 00:32:58,773 I have these little rituals that I can't help doing. 506 00:32:58,898 --> 00:33:02,318 I can't touch doorknobs, I snap my fingers when I see a bus. 507 00:33:02,484 --> 00:33:05,070 And when someone sneezes, I slap myself three times. 508 00:33:05,237 --> 00:33:07,489 I've heard of that. That's not so bad. 509 00:33:09,574 --> 00:33:12,118 I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 510 00:33:12,911 --> 00:33:14,370 It got me kicked out of school. 511 00:33:14,537 --> 00:33:17,206 It's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 512 00:33:17,415 --> 00:33:20,751 Actually, I've got about 130. 513 00:33:21,835 --> 00:33:23,295 So you're above average. 514 00:33:24,296 --> 00:33:26,048 I mean... I'm Deuce. 515 00:33:27,507 --> 00:33:29,426 I'm Eva. 516 00:33:30,552 --> 00:33:31,970 Is that a Sudanese Sweetlips? 517 00:33:32,178 --> 00:33:35,223 - How did you know? - It's, like, my top-five favorite fish. 518 00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:38,017 They have one here at the aquarium. 519 00:33:38,392 --> 00:33:39,977 I heard this place is incredible. 520 00:33:44,731 --> 00:33:46,483 The doorknob? 521 00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:49,653 I'll get it. Okay. 522 00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:52,906 Thanks. Thank you. 523 00:33:53,656 --> 00:33:54,949 He's beautiful. 524 00:33:55,783 --> 00:33:57,243 That's really good. 525 00:33:57,743 --> 00:33:59,286 Thank you. 526 00:34:11,047 --> 00:34:15,676 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 527 00:34:17,261 --> 00:34:21,223 Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack a country just to steal their oil. 528 00:34:22,141 --> 00:34:23,517 What? 529 00:34:23,642 --> 00:34:27,479 "What?" Did I offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 530 00:34:28,313 --> 00:34:31,274 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 531 00:34:31,441 --> 00:34:33,818 What? I just asked you to put your cigarette out. 532 00:34:34,027 --> 00:34:35,194 And then what is next? 533 00:34:35,403 --> 00:34:37,321 Take wine away from my children? 534 00:34:37,655 --> 00:34:41,450 I put out this cigarette. God bless America. 535 00:34:43,994 --> 00:34:46,330 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 536 00:34:46,496 --> 00:34:49,082 - So they say. - It could kill every fish in that tank. 537 00:34:49,249 --> 00:34:50,917 Poor little fishy. 538 00:34:53,586 --> 00:34:56,464 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 539 00:35:06,264 --> 00:35:08,391 You have a nice ass. 540 00:35:11,478 --> 00:35:13,396 I think this belongs to you. 541 00:35:19,443 --> 00:35:20,903 You dick! 542 00:35:21,278 --> 00:35:23,739 I would like to take you from behind. 543 00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:29,995 My penis is uncircumcised. 544 00:35:31,704 --> 00:35:33,373 No head. 545 00:35:33,539 --> 00:35:35,500 It's like a torpedo. 546 00:35:36,292 --> 00:35:39,962 - You pig. - Oh, are you tired of swimming? 547 00:35:40,171 --> 00:35:43,507 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 548 00:35:54,225 --> 00:35:56,602 Fuck off, you Yank! 549 00:35:59,146 --> 00:36:00,981 I'm staying with my uncle for the summer. 550 00:36:01,148 --> 00:36:03,025 Then I go back to art school in Brussels. 551 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,736 Could I take you out for coffee sometime? 552 00:36:05,902 --> 00:36:07,237 You mean like a date? 553 00:36:07,904 --> 00:36:09,364 Well, yeah. 554 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,245 Oh, the siren. 555 00:36:17,747 --> 00:36:20,291 Right. Right. Siren. 556 00:36:20,457 --> 00:36:24,086 Before I can go on a date I have to collect five different colored tulips... 557 00:36:24,253 --> 00:36:27,798 ...eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 558 00:36:28,340 --> 00:36:30,258 Well, that sounds doable. 559 00:36:35,930 --> 00:36:37,390 What is it? 560 00:36:40,267 --> 00:36:41,435 The accordion player? 561 00:36:48,942 --> 00:36:50,777 The Smelly Finger Dance. 562 00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,702 One cheek at a time. 563 00:37:00,995 --> 00:37:04,790 Hey, guys. I need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say? 564 00:37:06,166 --> 00:37:09,252 I'm judging a sandcastle-building competition this afternoon... 565 00:37:09,419 --> 00:37:11,004 ...so I can't help you. 566 00:37:11,755 --> 00:37:14,465 The dog ate my penis. 567 00:37:17,426 --> 00:37:20,554 You don't have to walk me any further. I just work over there. 568 00:37:20,721 --> 00:37:23,348 - I don't mind. - I'm kind of embarrassed of my job. 569 00:37:23,515 --> 00:37:26,643 I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. What do you do? 570 00:37:27,519 --> 00:37:29,104 Bye, Deuce. 571 00:37:29,729 --> 00:37:34,108 Well, well, well. If it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 572 00:37:37,111 --> 00:37:38,571 It's Bigalow. 573 00:37:38,696 --> 00:37:40,823 What's your going rate, Douche? 574 00:37:40,948 --> 00:37:43,951 Well, I was getting $10. 575 00:37:45,953 --> 00:37:50,081 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 576 00:37:50,248 --> 00:37:52,167 Sure I know. It's when she says: 577 00:37:52,375 --> 00:37:56,295 "Please stop. It's okay. You tried. 578 00:37:57,505 --> 00:37:59,215 Now, get off me. " 579 00:38:03,218 --> 00:38:05,762 I bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 580 00:38:05,971 --> 00:38:10,016 Well, that depends. If she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 581 00:38:10,183 --> 00:38:12,852 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 582 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:16,147 Is there? 583 00:38:16,981 --> 00:38:18,607 It's when you stick it in their... 584 00:38:18,816 --> 00:38:22,903 It's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 585 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,239 I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 586 00:38:26,406 --> 00:38:28,325 Small-Below. 587 00:38:32,704 --> 00:38:34,580 I'll be right down. 588 00:38:40,127 --> 00:38:41,337 Okay. 589 00:38:42,713 --> 00:38:44,590 This is the woman that went out with Heinz... 590 00:38:44,798 --> 00:38:46,758 ...the night before he was murdered. 591 00:38:49,344 --> 00:38:53,097 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. I ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 592 00:38:56,517 --> 00:38:58,936 Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. 593 00:38:59,103 --> 00:39:01,230 Nice to meet you. 594 00:39:11,531 --> 00:39:13,241 Would you like some bread? 595 00:39:13,449 --> 00:39:15,368 Oh, I can't have bread. 596 00:39:15,576 --> 00:39:18,120 It's makes my esophageal lining swell up... 597 00:39:18,287 --> 00:39:20,623 ...and could block my throat-hole. 598 00:39:21,624 --> 00:39:23,542 - Excuse me for a second. - Sure. 599 00:39:29,714 --> 00:39:32,050 Pardon me. I had to clear. 600 00:39:33,009 --> 00:39:34,469 Yeah. 601 00:39:35,678 --> 00:39:38,055 - So, what do you do? - I just got fired. 602 00:39:38,180 --> 00:39:40,975 - I'm sorry. - I was a phone-sex operator. 603 00:39:42,685 --> 00:39:46,605 I only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 604 00:39:47,731 --> 00:39:50,483 I heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 605 00:39:50,650 --> 00:39:52,277 I bet you're glad he's dead. 606 00:39:52,485 --> 00:39:57,073 Heinz was the most gentle man I ever knew. 607 00:39:57,281 --> 00:40:00,951 I miss him and his mangina. 608 00:40:02,786 --> 00:40:04,788 I can't take it anymore. 609 00:40:06,540 --> 00:40:09,334 I'm sorry. I can see that you really liked Heinz. 610 00:40:10,752 --> 00:40:13,713 - Here, let me get that for you. - Thanks. 611 00:40:20,177 --> 00:40:23,013 - Let's go. - I think I'm gonna puke. 612 00:40:23,180 --> 00:40:26,141 I started smoking again when I lost my job. 613 00:40:26,350 --> 00:40:29,853 If I don't find another one pretty soon, I'm gonna lose my house. 614 00:40:30,020 --> 00:40:32,522 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 615 00:40:33,064 --> 00:40:36,734 - Relax. Have some wine. - Thanks. 616 00:40:49,329 --> 00:40:51,748 I don't normally drink red wine so... 617 00:40:53,166 --> 00:40:54,542 I have hiccups. 618 00:40:57,461 --> 00:41:00,464 - Gone down the wrong hole, I think. - Check, please. 619 00:41:02,049 --> 00:41:05,260 Deuce, I can't thank you enough. 620 00:41:05,427 --> 00:41:08,847 It's good for you, it's good for them. I'm just glad it worked out. 621 00:41:11,015 --> 00:41:14,310 - I better get to work. - I'll be hearing from you. 622 00:41:14,477 --> 00:41:15,937 Okay. 623 00:41:18,064 --> 00:41:22,234 The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 624 00:41:22,401 --> 00:41:24,778 There is no parking in the white zone. 625 00:41:24,903 --> 00:41:27,739 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. 626 00:41:27,948 --> 00:41:29,115 The white zone... 627 00:41:30,367 --> 00:41:32,785 I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 628 00:41:33,953 --> 00:41:37,873 I am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 629 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,875 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 630 00:41:41,418 --> 00:41:42,795 Gwyneth. 631 00:41:43,504 --> 00:41:44,713 Good choice. 632 00:41:55,807 --> 00:41:57,058 Oh, hey. 633 00:41:57,225 --> 00:42:01,228 I got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 634 00:42:06,817 --> 00:42:09,319 So, Enzo... 635 00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:11,821 ...got any she-johns lined up for tonight? 636 00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:15,199 Well, I did a Chili Rainbow last night so I'm exhausted. 637 00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:18,494 What about you, Assapopulus? 638 00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:20,871 I've got the herpes so... 639 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:22,539 What are you gonna do? 640 00:42:24,374 --> 00:42:25,500 Liar! 641 00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:28,378 - Mahmoud! - What's your excuse? 642 00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:31,589 I just realized I'm gay. 643 00:42:33,466 --> 00:42:35,885 Any of you guys want a blowjob? 644 00:42:38,095 --> 00:42:39,513 I do. 645 00:42:40,848 --> 00:42:42,433 Well... 646 00:42:42,599 --> 00:42:46,812 Okay, then. I better go put that penis in my mouth. 647 00:42:46,937 --> 00:42:49,147 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer. 648 00:42:49,356 --> 00:42:50,732 - No. Come on. - No, we're not. 649 00:42:50,857 --> 00:42:53,693 - Get down! - I don't wanna die! 650 00:42:54,027 --> 00:42:56,821 You really should find a better hiding place. 651 00:42:57,905 --> 00:42:59,448 Oh, you haven't heard. 652 00:43:00,241 --> 00:43:03,118 - Rodrigo's been killed. - No. 653 00:43:03,327 --> 00:43:06,455 Oh, my God, why? He was just having his ass hair bleached. 654 00:43:06,580 --> 00:43:08,874 He got much more than that, I can assure you. 655 00:43:12,293 --> 00:43:15,088 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy that Scotland Yard... 656 00:43:15,254 --> 00:43:19,175 ... has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 657 00:43:19,300 --> 00:43:20,718 Thank you very much. 658 00:43:21,802 --> 00:43:24,972 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 659 00:43:25,347 --> 00:43:27,766 The Russian women are a little freaky down below. 660 00:43:27,891 --> 00:43:31,186 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 661 00:43:31,352 --> 00:43:33,313 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south... 662 00:43:33,521 --> 00:43:35,231 ...put a clothespin on your nose. 663 00:43:35,857 --> 00:43:37,275 I'll keep that in mind. 664 00:43:39,693 --> 00:43:41,487 Wish me luck. 665 00:43:41,612 --> 00:43:44,573 Gasov. You mind changing that to the weather channel? 666 00:43:47,492 --> 00:43:49,119 It's gonna be cold tomorrow. 667 00:43:51,371 --> 00:43:53,706 I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 668 00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:01,297 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 669 00:44:01,630 --> 00:44:02,798 What do you know about it? 670 00:44:02,965 --> 00:44:06,134 Apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all. 671 00:44:06,259 --> 00:44:08,595 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 672 00:44:08,762 --> 00:44:11,931 I think everything happens for reason. 673 00:44:12,765 --> 00:44:15,268 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil. 674 00:44:15,518 --> 00:44:19,271 I wasn't, but if you wanna talk about it, cool. 675 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:20,773 I grew up in Chernobyl. 676 00:44:20,940 --> 00:44:22,107 Chernobyl. 677 00:44:23,108 --> 00:44:25,360 - What a pretty name. - My mother... 678 00:44:25,527 --> 00:44:29,197 ...she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 679 00:44:29,656 --> 00:44:34,160 Instead of a nose, I was born with an appendage on my face. 680 00:44:35,411 --> 00:44:37,830 A male appendage. 681 00:44:40,166 --> 00:44:41,458 No shit? 682 00:44:42,418 --> 00:44:46,463 I have always been a little self-conscious about it. 683 00:44:46,588 --> 00:44:48,882 Well, you shouldn't. I mean... 684 00:44:49,007 --> 00:44:54,137 A lot of women would love to have a guy's dick on their face. 685 00:44:54,262 --> 00:44:56,347 Yours is just permanent. 686 00:44:58,432 --> 00:44:59,975 You are sweet. 687 00:45:00,809 --> 00:45:03,353 And very handsome for an American. 688 00:45:06,606 --> 00:45:08,066 I like you. 689 00:45:15,531 --> 00:45:18,576 I would love to hear some Latin music. 690 00:45:18,701 --> 00:45:20,953 Well, I'll see if the penis knows any. 691 00:45:22,079 --> 00:45:24,289 I mean the pianist. 692 00:45:24,957 --> 00:45:26,875 The guy playing the piano. 693 00:45:28,460 --> 00:45:32,005 The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 694 00:45:50,438 --> 00:45:52,190 Damn, no lipstick. 695 00:45:52,398 --> 00:45:55,359 - You smell nice. What is it? - It's Old Nice. 696 00:45:56,402 --> 00:45:58,654 It's a knockoff of Old Spice. 697 00:45:58,821 --> 00:46:02,866 I like it, but I think it makes me sneeze. 698 00:46:03,075 --> 00:46:04,993 What happens when you sneeze? 699 00:46:07,245 --> 00:46:09,289 Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. 700 00:46:10,206 --> 00:46:13,626 Oh, good Lord. Now is a good time to turn. 701 00:46:24,303 --> 00:46:25,679 Hi. 702 00:46:37,064 --> 00:46:39,191 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 703 00:46:39,358 --> 00:46:41,485 Only until I can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 704 00:46:41,902 --> 00:46:43,904 Is there someone waiting for you back home? 705 00:46:45,197 --> 00:46:46,615 It's kind of hard to explain. 706 00:46:47,908 --> 00:46:49,618 Would you like to meet her? 707 00:46:50,243 --> 00:46:51,870 She's here in Amsterdam? 708 00:46:52,829 --> 00:46:54,580 It's my wife. 709 00:46:56,415 --> 00:46:58,876 I got her right here in my duffle bag. 710 00:47:04,047 --> 00:47:06,717 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 711 00:47:08,051 --> 00:47:10,595 She passed away a couple of years ago... 712 00:47:10,804 --> 00:47:12,847 ...and this is all I have left of her and I... 713 00:47:18,019 --> 00:47:19,979 Nice to meet you. 714 00:47:20,187 --> 00:47:25,150 She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 715 00:47:40,789 --> 00:47:42,958 Hey, can I see you when you get off work? 716 00:47:43,083 --> 00:47:46,878 Oh, you know, I'd really love to, but I'm going to be so tired. 717 00:47:47,003 --> 00:47:48,880 - Bye. - Okay. 718 00:48:00,891 --> 00:48:02,810 Eva. Eva. 719 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,646 Did you just kiss me nine times because you're OCD? 720 00:48:06,813 --> 00:48:09,357 No. It's because I like you. 721 00:48:11,192 --> 00:48:12,527 Excuse us, coming through. 722 00:48:16,030 --> 00:48:17,949 What are they doing in there, anyway? 723 00:48:18,532 --> 00:48:20,242 They're making a movie. 724 00:48:20,367 --> 00:48:22,745 Cool. What kind of movie? 725 00:48:27,916 --> 00:48:30,251 - I better get to work. - Okay. 726 00:48:30,502 --> 00:48:32,921 In there? You work in there? 727 00:48:33,796 --> 00:48:36,799 - Yeah. Well... - Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday. 728 00:48:36,966 --> 00:48:39,051 - Thank you. - Eva. Eva. Listen... 729 00:48:39,176 --> 00:48:42,513 ...we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 730 00:48:42,721 --> 00:48:45,849 - All the guys? - Yeah. I can't keep them waiting. 731 00:48:46,016 --> 00:48:47,225 Bye, Deuce. 732 00:48:48,185 --> 00:48:50,603 I'll put your name on the list. 733 00:49:05,993 --> 00:49:07,411 Hey, whoa, whoa. 734 00:49:07,619 --> 00:49:09,287 Back of the line, buddy. 735 00:49:09,496 --> 00:49:12,081 Trust me, she's worth the wait. 736 00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:17,503 It's a closed set, you can't come in. 737 00:49:17,712 --> 00:49:19,004 Like hell I can't. 738 00:49:20,422 --> 00:49:22,132 Get off her, you little freak! 739 00:49:30,265 --> 00:49:31,891 Eva, you don't have to do this. 740 00:49:34,602 --> 00:49:37,897 Hey, I agreed to one midget, not two! 741 00:49:40,482 --> 00:49:41,984 Deuce? 742 00:49:42,860 --> 00:49:44,570 Eva, you don't have to do this. 743 00:49:44,987 --> 00:49:46,196 Do what? 744 00:49:47,072 --> 00:49:49,032 - This. - What? 745 00:49:50,658 --> 00:49:52,118 This. 746 00:49:54,829 --> 00:49:56,205 You painted that? 747 00:49:56,956 --> 00:49:58,958 I'm a scenic artist. 748 00:49:59,125 --> 00:50:01,293 So that's what you do here. 749 00:50:04,379 --> 00:50:06,340 Hey, little friend. I guess I owe you a big... 750 00:50:10,010 --> 00:50:12,637 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? Stoner Steve! 751 00:50:12,845 --> 00:50:14,972 - T.J., is that you? - Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude. 752 00:50:15,098 --> 00:50:17,475 I've went out with every girl on that list in Holland. 753 00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,644 - Find the rest of those bitches. - Those women live in other countries. 754 00:50:20,811 --> 00:50:24,898 Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that snatch-pole and go find the real killer! 755 00:50:25,023 --> 00:50:27,567 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Caf�! 756 00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:39,286 Hi. 757 00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:41,705 Hi. 758 00:51:41,594 --> 00:51:43,011 Hey, look at that. 759 00:51:43,178 --> 00:51:44,638 Look at that, right there. 760 00:51:55,565 --> 00:51:56,899 Are you sure? 761 00:52:26,259 --> 00:52:27,511 T.J., there you are. 762 00:52:27,677 --> 00:52:29,804 The girl with the giant ears heard Heinz talking... 763 00:52:30,013 --> 00:52:33,266 ...about some photo in the man-whore society. We gotta get in there. 764 00:52:33,433 --> 00:52:36,561 - Why aren't you in disguise? - I'm in disguise. 765 00:52:37,186 --> 00:52:38,646 I'm in blackface. 766 00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,357 - But you're black. - Yeah, but I'm disguised... 767 00:52:41,565 --> 00:52:43,233 ...as a different black guy. 768 00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,319 - You look the same. - What you trying to say? 769 00:52:45,527 --> 00:52:47,612 - We all look alike? - No, that's not it. 770 00:52:47,779 --> 00:52:50,907 You're such a racist. I got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 771 00:52:51,074 --> 00:52:52,867 Come on. Jeez, let's go. 772 00:52:59,248 --> 00:53:02,710 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 773 00:53:02,793 --> 00:53:05,671 Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 774 00:53:07,631 --> 00:53:10,216 Still. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 775 00:53:10,425 --> 00:53:12,969 That's what your mama said after I bang her. 776 00:53:15,388 --> 00:53:16,681 Okay, that's it. 777 00:53:16,889 --> 00:53:18,265 Go, go, go! 778 00:53:23,395 --> 00:53:25,606 Hey, your mama is in here. 779 00:53:25,772 --> 00:53:27,482 It's okay. I know what I'm talking about. 780 00:53:27,649 --> 00:53:31,069 If you're going to stick two in there, you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 781 00:53:31,444 --> 00:53:33,321 I know what I'm talking about, huh? 782 00:53:33,488 --> 00:53:35,073 Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. 783 00:54:02,348 --> 00:54:04,016 Hey, this thing is locked. 784 00:54:12,607 --> 00:54:15,693 Man! I only heard about this place. 785 00:54:15,902 --> 00:54:18,571 This is where man-whoring all started. 786 00:54:20,072 --> 00:54:22,366 Check it out. You know who this is? 787 00:54:22,491 --> 00:54:24,826 He was the first guy to keep from shooting his load... 788 00:54:24,952 --> 00:54:26,161 ...by thinking about sports. 789 00:54:28,538 --> 00:54:31,666 This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. 790 00:54:31,833 --> 00:54:34,293 Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. 791 00:54:34,460 --> 00:54:36,879 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 792 00:54:37,088 --> 00:54:40,007 The only thing left of him is this stick... 793 00:54:40,174 --> 00:54:43,177 ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 794 00:54:47,931 --> 00:54:51,142 Now, this brother here, Kunta Kuntlicker. 795 00:54:51,643 --> 00:54:54,270 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass-eating. 796 00:54:56,981 --> 00:54:58,441 Vladmir Suckmeov. 797 00:54:59,024 --> 00:55:01,527 The first man-ho in space. They were studying... 798 00:55:01,735 --> 00:55:03,946 ...the effects of zero gravity on the reach-around. 799 00:55:04,112 --> 00:55:07,866 - Will you cut it out? - I'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 800 00:55:10,285 --> 00:55:12,620 Hey. Wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 801 00:55:14,163 --> 00:55:17,750 That's the blond lady with the leopard coat. This must be the killer. 802 00:55:19,502 --> 00:55:22,046 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 803 00:55:22,254 --> 00:55:25,549 I thought I'd go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff link... 804 00:55:26,925 --> 00:55:29,928 - You left the trophy case open again. - Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 805 00:55:30,095 --> 00:55:31,471 Deucey. 806 00:55:32,388 --> 00:55:34,891 - I gotta fart. - You gotta what? 807 00:55:35,099 --> 00:55:37,476 - I gotta fart. - Well, hold it. 808 00:55:39,687 --> 00:55:40,938 I hear something. 809 00:55:44,316 --> 00:55:47,360 I think the building is squeaking. 810 00:55:47,652 --> 00:55:49,195 Maybe it's a bird. 811 00:55:55,409 --> 00:55:56,911 You idiot! 812 00:56:00,414 --> 00:56:01,874 - Go. - Bigalow! 813 00:56:02,750 --> 00:56:05,085 Security! Stop them! 814 00:56:07,045 --> 00:56:08,547 T.J. 815 00:56:21,141 --> 00:56:23,018 - Move the curtain! - What the hell? 816 00:56:23,143 --> 00:56:24,686 Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 817 00:56:27,064 --> 00:56:29,524 - Enzo? He kill Enzo. - No, no, I didn't do it. 818 00:56:29,733 --> 00:56:31,651 What is that? 819 00:56:32,694 --> 00:56:35,029 That is not a dick in my hand. 820 00:56:35,196 --> 00:56:39,075 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand. 821 00:56:46,707 --> 00:56:48,583 Eva. Eva. 822 00:56:48,708 --> 00:56:50,960 - I'm in the shower. - T.J.'s been arrested. 823 00:56:51,086 --> 00:56:53,421 I can't hear you! I'll be out in a minute! 824 00:56:53,504 --> 00:56:57,049 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer... 825 00:56:57,258 --> 00:56:59,760 ... murdered famed gigolo Enzo Giarraputo. 826 00:57:00,261 --> 00:57:04,431 Our meteorologist Truus is sick today. Filling in is Henk van de Berg. 827 00:57:51,641 --> 00:57:54,352 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 828 00:57:54,519 --> 00:57:55,978 Like what? 829 00:58:06,363 --> 00:58:09,199 I'll get that. I was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 830 00:58:11,409 --> 00:58:13,119 So is your uncle home? 831 00:58:13,661 --> 00:58:16,539 No. We're completely alone. 832 00:58:17,748 --> 00:58:19,375 Would you like some cheese? 833 00:58:19,500 --> 00:58:20,834 I'm lactose intolerant. 834 00:58:21,460 --> 00:58:23,337 Why are you so jumpy? 835 00:58:23,837 --> 00:58:25,547 Maybe I can help you relax. 836 00:58:30,051 --> 00:58:31,719 You're shaking. 837 00:58:33,263 --> 00:58:34,722 Maybe it's because I'm cold. 838 00:58:35,181 --> 00:58:36,766 I can fix that. 839 00:58:37,308 --> 00:58:39,101 Why don't you pour us a drink. 840 00:58:43,939 --> 00:58:47,359 So I guess we're all alone, huh? 841 00:58:49,027 --> 00:58:50,445 Yes. 842 00:58:51,863 --> 00:58:54,073 Deuce. You're scaring me. 843 00:58:54,741 --> 00:58:55,950 Eva. 844 00:58:58,327 --> 00:59:03,040 Listen, everything I'm about to do is because I really care for you. 845 00:59:03,665 --> 00:59:04,958 Oh, Deuce. 846 00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:06,752 Now, I don't know why... 847 00:59:08,461 --> 00:59:12,340 I don't know why you've done this, but I'm gonna give you everything I've got. 848 00:59:38,864 --> 00:59:40,199 Deuce? 849 00:59:49,416 --> 00:59:51,251 - Don't go in there. Stop! - Gaspar. Gaspar. 850 00:59:51,376 --> 00:59:54,629 I know who the killer is. I know who the killer is. 851 01:00:01,093 --> 01:00:02,302 I know who the killer is. 852 01:00:02,428 --> 01:00:05,389 I knew sooner or later someone would figure it out. 853 01:00:10,477 --> 01:00:12,687 I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you. 854 01:00:17,316 --> 01:00:18,818 It's Eva. 855 01:00:20,152 --> 01:00:21,779 It's Eva? 856 01:00:23,572 --> 01:00:25,574 You mean my niece Eva? 857 01:00:25,782 --> 01:00:27,701 I know it sounds crazy... 858 01:00:27,868 --> 01:00:30,704 ...but I found the lipstick. The same lipstick the killer used. 859 01:00:30,870 --> 01:00:34,665 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, at your house. 860 01:00:34,832 --> 01:00:38,544 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 861 01:00:38,753 --> 01:00:42,506 Exactly. Plus, I heard her whistling the same song I heard the killer whistle. 862 01:00:42,673 --> 01:00:44,007 Like: 863 01:00:50,805 --> 01:00:53,266 Now, you tell me. Why would anyone but the killer... 864 01:00:53,474 --> 01:00:56,686 ...be whistling that specific song? The odds would be astronomical. 865 01:00:56,852 --> 01:00:58,562 Maybe the song got stuck in her head... 866 01:00:58,729 --> 01:01:00,981 ...because she overheard the real killer whistling it. 867 01:01:01,190 --> 01:01:03,150 And maybe the real killer is someone... 868 01:01:04,151 --> 01:01:07,571 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 869 01:01:08,947 --> 01:01:12,659 Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 870 01:01:13,284 --> 01:01:16,412 Look, I understand this must be very difficult for you... 871 01:01:16,579 --> 01:01:19,123 ...to be out-thunk by a civilian like myself. 872 01:01:19,290 --> 01:01:21,250 But we have to put our egos aside right now... 873 01:01:21,375 --> 01:01:22,793 ...and do what's best for Eva. 874 01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:24,920 She's clearly ill and she needs our help. 875 01:01:25,128 --> 01:01:26,505 You're absolutely right. 876 01:01:26,671 --> 01:01:29,883 You know, the only thing I can't think of is motive. 877 01:01:30,008 --> 01:01:32,135 I mean, what could she have against man-whores? 878 01:01:32,343 --> 01:01:36,722 Maybe because they represent a decline of this once glorious city... 879 01:01:36,847 --> 01:01:39,809 ...which has become a new Sodom and Gomorrah for rich college kids... 880 01:01:39,975 --> 01:01:42,978 ...to smoke hash, to fornicate with Venezuelan hookers... 881 01:01:43,103 --> 01:01:46,940 ...or to defecate on our historic cobblestone streets. 882 01:01:47,149 --> 01:01:49,567 They don't defecate on the streets. 883 01:01:54,447 --> 01:01:57,700 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? I mean, he could be a local. 884 01:02:02,871 --> 01:02:04,206 Where is Eva now? 885 01:02:05,374 --> 01:02:07,084 She's at your house. 886 01:02:07,209 --> 01:02:08,793 Good. 887 01:02:15,842 --> 01:02:17,927 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 888 01:02:18,052 --> 01:02:20,054 She doesn't seem that dangerous. 889 01:02:20,262 --> 01:02:23,891 - You're not gonna hurt her, are you? - You can never be too careful. 890 01:02:25,767 --> 01:02:29,437 - That poor guy. - What a dipshit. 891 01:02:30,188 --> 01:02:31,856 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 892 01:02:31,898 --> 01:02:33,524 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 893 01:02:33,691 --> 01:02:37,486 ... safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos... 894 01:02:37,653 --> 01:02:40,823 ... are right here under one roof, all asking: 895 01:02:41,031 --> 01:02:44,826 "Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?" 896 01:02:44,952 --> 01:02:48,455 In this car, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening. 897 01:02:48,622 --> 01:02:50,123 - Damn it. - His mother. 898 01:02:50,165 --> 01:02:54,002 She's the woman that made me start into prostitution... 899 01:02:54,085 --> 01:02:57,129 ...made me go into prostitution. I wanted to become a doctor, but... 900 01:02:57,338 --> 01:02:59,131 Uncle, you home? 901 01:03:00,049 --> 01:03:02,926 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 902 01:03:04,261 --> 01:03:06,096 "Man-Whore Awards"? 903 01:03:06,722 --> 01:03:09,432 Please welcome your host for this evening. Johnny Vaughan. 904 01:03:09,599 --> 01:03:13,895 Thank you very much. Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores... 905 01:03:14,103 --> 01:03:18,691 ... a night where we celebrate guys who can get wood no matter what. 906 01:03:18,899 --> 01:03:20,651 Do you know, they have gay-pride days. 907 01:03:20,859 --> 01:03:23,070 - Oh, my God. - Yes. 908 01:03:25,656 --> 01:03:28,867 - I'm going to kill them all. - But why? 909 01:03:29,075 --> 01:03:31,995 Don't you see what's happening to our country? 910 01:03:36,499 --> 01:03:38,751 But it's murder. 911 01:03:40,336 --> 01:03:44,840 During the final number, when these man-whores are gathered on-stage... 912 01:03:44,965 --> 01:03:47,259 ...I push this little button and: 913 01:03:48,468 --> 01:03:50,553 Bye-bye, gigolos. 914 01:03:50,678 --> 01:03:55,141 Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend Deuce Bigalow. 915 01:03:55,308 --> 01:03:56,475 I won't let you! 916 01:03:59,228 --> 01:04:01,188 If you wanna stop me... 917 01:04:03,732 --> 01:04:06,943 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 918 01:04:12,490 --> 01:04:15,326 - Where's Eva? - Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 919 01:04:15,493 --> 01:04:17,912 - I'm going there too. - I'm coming with you. 920 01:04:18,537 --> 01:04:21,790 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 921 01:04:35,553 --> 01:04:36,762 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 922 01:04:36,804 --> 01:04:38,014 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 923 01:04:38,180 --> 01:04:43,185 In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival sideshow, eating broken glass. 924 01:04:43,352 --> 01:04:46,897 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 925 01:04:47,105 --> 01:04:50,275 And it's all collected in the lining of my anus. 926 01:04:50,900 --> 01:04:54,612 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 927 01:04:56,531 --> 01:04:59,366 Here to perform his signature move, the Chili Rainbow... 928 01:04:59,533 --> 01:05:03,871 ...would you please welcome Assapopulus Borealis. 929 01:05:26,725 --> 01:05:28,101 Deuce! 930 01:05:28,268 --> 01:05:29,853 Deuce! Right here! 931 01:05:30,020 --> 01:05:32,230 - Hey, Eva's right behind us. - Deuce, stop! 932 01:05:34,732 --> 01:05:36,609 What are you doing? She's right back there. 933 01:05:37,818 --> 01:05:39,695 - He's the killer! - What? 934 01:05:39,904 --> 01:05:41,238 You're with the killer! 935 01:05:41,405 --> 01:05:43,782 - I'm with the dealer? - He's the Man-whore Killer! 936 01:05:43,991 --> 01:05:45,742 Eighteen-wheeler? 937 01:05:46,576 --> 01:05:47,911 My uncle is the killer! 938 01:05:48,662 --> 01:05:51,456 Oh! I'm with the... You're the k... 939 01:05:51,623 --> 01:05:54,917 She says that I am the killer, you stupido. 940 01:06:00,422 --> 01:06:02,633 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 941 01:06:02,758 --> 01:06:04,426 What did they do to me? 942 01:06:05,761 --> 01:06:09,055 All my life I dreamed of being one thing: A gigolo. 943 01:06:09,222 --> 01:06:11,474 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 944 01:06:12,767 --> 01:06:16,020 I'll never forget that day. Never. 945 01:06:16,229 --> 01:06:18,856 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 946 01:06:19,023 --> 01:06:20,316 Now, today, class... 947 01:06:20,524 --> 01:06:24,987 ...we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portuguese Breakfast. 948 01:06:25,153 --> 01:06:27,531 You take an egg and you crack it. 949 01:06:28,031 --> 01:06:29,991 You mix them up. 950 01:06:30,158 --> 01:06:32,994 Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 951 01:06:33,369 --> 01:06:35,538 - And? - And we pour that in there. 952 01:06:35,663 --> 01:06:39,166 - Beautiful. Very nice, now. And... - And don't forget the Canadian bacon. 953 01:06:39,375 --> 01:06:40,918 Canadian bacon. I was getting to that. 954 01:06:41,126 --> 01:06:43,295 - What are you doing? - It's a penis enlarger. 955 01:06:43,462 --> 01:06:45,505 Just a few pumps and it gets your thing bigger. 956 01:06:45,672 --> 01:06:47,591 You mind if I give myself a few pumps? 957 01:06:47,716 --> 01:06:49,009 Go nuts. 958 01:06:49,134 --> 01:06:51,261 There we go. So there you have it. 959 01:06:51,427 --> 01:06:54,680 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 960 01:06:54,847 --> 01:06:56,307 Delicious. 961 01:06:56,474 --> 01:06:58,601 - Elsa? - Gaspar? 962 01:07:05,399 --> 01:07:07,109 They knew she was my fianc�e. 963 01:07:07,234 --> 01:07:09,611 And tonight I will get my revenge. 964 01:07:16,325 --> 01:07:17,785 Leave it! 965 01:07:28,795 --> 01:07:31,714 I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! 966 01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:35,051 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 967 01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:37,136 - Are you okay? - Stop! Stop! 968 01:07:37,345 --> 01:07:38,888 Police business. 969 01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:40,764 Come on, we gotta stop him. 970 01:07:41,974 --> 01:07:44,351 Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. 971 01:07:44,476 --> 01:07:47,020 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year... 972 01:07:47,229 --> 01:07:51,149 ...let's take a moment to honor those gigolos who have recently passed. 973 01:08:09,457 --> 01:08:12,210 Hey, Daddy. I was looking in your underwear drawer and I found... 974 01:08:12,418 --> 01:08:13,920 ...this bracelet. 975 01:08:14,879 --> 01:08:17,840 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 976 01:08:18,049 --> 01:08:21,635 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he... 977 01:08:21,969 --> 01:08:23,095 His he... 978 01:08:23,345 --> 01:08:25,389 His he... 979 01:08:26,681 --> 01:08:28,850 Happy birthday, son, you got a bracelet. 980 01:08:29,059 --> 01:08:30,268 Great. 981 01:08:31,978 --> 01:08:33,146 Let's go. Come on. 982 01:08:33,271 --> 01:08:35,064 Now the award you've all been waiting for: 983 01:08:35,231 --> 01:08:36,649 The Man-whore of the Year. 984 01:08:36,857 --> 01:08:39,485 Listen. Go get help. I'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 985 01:08:39,693 --> 01:08:41,528 Okay. Good luck. 986 01:08:42,154 --> 01:08:43,363 Excuse me. 987 01:08:43,572 --> 01:08:45,991 You have to get off the stage now or you'll all be killed! 988 01:08:46,158 --> 01:08:48,868 Get the hell out of here, Douche, before I have you thrown out. 989 01:08:48,952 --> 01:08:51,538 - There's a bomb on the stage! - You idiot. 990 01:08:51,704 --> 01:08:53,373 You're all gonna die! 991 01:08:54,332 --> 01:08:56,417 I'm the Man-whore Killer. This is a bomb! 992 01:08:56,584 --> 01:08:59,795 Everybody out! Everybody get out! 993 01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:01,630 You gotta get out of here! 994 01:09:06,593 --> 01:09:09,471 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 995 01:09:11,723 --> 01:09:14,976 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 996 01:09:15,143 --> 01:09:19,188 I was never able to satisfy a woman. I'll see to it that they won't either. 997 01:09:24,109 --> 01:09:28,238 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 998 01:09:29,572 --> 01:09:31,741 Those gigolos don't know what they're talking about. 999 01:09:31,950 --> 01:09:33,826 Is he talking about us? 1000 01:09:37,830 --> 01:09:39,457 Do you really think all a woman wants... 1001 01:09:39,665 --> 01:09:41,583 ...is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel... 1002 01:09:41,709 --> 01:09:44,753 ...or Turkish Snow Cone or an Irish Facial? 1003 01:09:45,962 --> 01:09:48,632 - Yes, they do, liar. - No, they don't. 1004 01:09:49,507 --> 01:09:53,177 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1005 01:09:53,386 --> 01:09:55,263 - Or at least pretend to. - Yes. 1006 01:09:55,638 --> 01:09:57,056 What? 1007 01:09:57,265 --> 01:09:58,891 When she's hurting... 1008 01:09:59,058 --> 01:10:00,684 ...ask her how she feels. 1009 01:10:01,894 --> 01:10:04,104 - Cry with her. - Yeah! 1010 01:10:04,229 --> 01:10:06,106 These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1011 01:10:07,607 --> 01:10:10,902 I've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1012 01:10:13,279 --> 01:10:14,947 I faked it. 1013 01:10:16,866 --> 01:10:19,243 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch... 1014 01:10:19,452 --> 01:10:21,787 ...or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1015 01:10:22,830 --> 01:10:24,540 This guy knows his shit. 1016 01:10:27,876 --> 01:10:29,377 What are you doing? 1017 01:10:30,712 --> 01:10:32,547 Anyone else? 1018 01:10:37,718 --> 01:10:41,096 If you let a woman know you care, maybe she'll give you an Irish Facial. 1019 01:10:50,855 --> 01:10:53,650 We will die together, man-whore. 1020 01:10:55,318 --> 01:10:58,320 - You don't have to do this. - They ruined my life. 1021 01:10:58,446 --> 01:11:01,573 - Give me the detonator. - No. 1022 01:11:01,740 --> 01:11:03,450 My penis exploded. 1023 01:11:04,826 --> 01:11:06,995 Okay, that's a tough one. I'll give you that. 1024 01:11:08,622 --> 01:11:12,584 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1025 01:11:14,252 --> 01:11:16,420 No. No. 1026 01:11:16,546 --> 01:11:18,005 Gaspar! 1027 01:11:26,513 --> 01:11:28,139 Are you okay? 1028 01:11:30,225 --> 01:11:32,185 We did it. 1029 01:11:37,815 --> 01:11:39,984 That's the grossest thing I've ever seen. 1030 01:11:40,067 --> 01:11:42,069 And I've seen some pretty gross things. 1031 01:11:42,236 --> 01:11:42,945 - In the car. - Put your head down. 1032 01:11:42,945 --> 01:11:43,612 - In the car. - Put your head down. 1033 01:11:43,821 --> 01:11:45,656 I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1034 01:11:46,823 --> 01:11:50,410 Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1035 01:11:51,119 --> 01:11:52,787 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1036 01:11:52,996 --> 01:11:55,206 Thanks. I'm... That's very... 1037 01:11:56,541 --> 01:11:58,167 This belongs to you too. 1038 01:11:59,710 --> 01:12:01,503 Hang it to the left. 1039 01:12:02,004 --> 01:12:03,547 You gonna eat that? 1040 01:12:03,672 --> 01:12:05,966 - Knock yourself out. - Thank you. 1041 01:12:08,969 --> 01:12:12,263 So I guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1042 01:12:12,388 --> 01:12:14,098 I don't want you to treat me differently. 1043 01:12:14,223 --> 01:12:16,184 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1044 01:12:16,559 --> 01:12:18,561 Well, the first one's always free. 1045 01:12:22,856 --> 01:12:25,275 - Deuce! - What? 1046 01:12:25,859 --> 01:12:27,486 Oh, no. No, it's... 1047 01:12:27,611 --> 01:12:29,195 It's just this. 1048 01:12:50,507 --> 01:12:52,342 Deucey! 1049 01:12:52,467 --> 01:12:54,010 Thank you, Jesus. 1050 01:12:54,886 --> 01:12:56,345 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1051 01:12:57,471 --> 01:13:00,641 Oh, you asking if I got ass-punked. Is that what's happening right now? 1052 01:13:00,849 --> 01:13:05,270 - Not if you don't wanna talk about it. - Well, turns out I'm not that attractive. 1053 01:13:05,437 --> 01:13:07,063 Well, you've been cleared of murder... 1054 01:13:07,230 --> 01:13:09,607 ...but people still think you're gay. - Hey, hey, hey. 1055 01:13:09,774 --> 01:13:11,776 Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. Look at it: 1056 01:13:11,943 --> 01:13:14,695 T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1057 01:13:14,821 --> 01:13:17,531 I mean, I'm gonna corner the market. Check out my new bitches. 1058 01:13:17,698 --> 01:13:19,700 - Hello, darling. - Hi, sweetie. 1059 01:13:19,825 --> 01:13:21,327 Love you. 1060 01:13:23,078 --> 01:13:24,705 Let's get chicken and waffles. My treat. 1061 01:13:24,871 --> 01:13:28,041 So the first thing a brother wants out of prison is chicken and waffles? 1062 01:13:28,208 --> 01:13:30,418 - Oh, come on. - Get your she-cocks back to work.