1 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,953 [Victor Victoria theme music] 2 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,432 [Car horn honking] 3 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,796 [Faint noise from street] 4 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,594 [Church bell tolls in distance] 5 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,753 Cab fare, Richard? 6 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,158 No, I've got to pay some bills. 7 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,199 TODDY: You could at least leave me enough for breakfast. 8 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,590 RICHARD: Toddy, one would suspect you think I'm mercenary. 9 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,194 Try "unscrupulous. " 10 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,032 You get your money's worth. 11 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,830 I'd say we both get my money's worth. 12 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:05,318 Look, Toddy, if you're not happy with the arrangement- 13 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,311 As a matter of record, I'm not. 14 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,311 But to quote the immortal bard: 15 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,278 "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind 16 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,108 "And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind" 17 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,313 RICHARD: Have a nice day, Toddy. 18 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,908 I'll do my damnedest. 19 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,390 [Victoria singing] 20 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,470 [Singing and piano continues] 21 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,477 As you can tell, Monsieur Labisse, I have a legitimate voice. 22 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,597 Yes, I'm looking for something a little more illegitimate. 23 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,633 - I'm sure that with a little practice I- - Lady. 24 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,629 That's like a nun saying, with practice, she'd be a streetwalker. 25 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,269 VICTORIA: It has to come naturally. LABISSE: Right. 26 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,557 In some professions, practice is a minor consideration... 27 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,996 ...so take my advice and stick to Carmen. 28 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:17,150 I'm a coloratura, Monsieur Labisse, not a mezzo. 29 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:21,393 Well, whatever you are, Andr� Cassell should never have sent you over here. 30 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,040 - He didn't. - You told me he was your agent. 31 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,511 I lied. Thank you. 32 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,752 In spite of what you think... 33 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,469 ...there are some professions where practice does make perfect. 34 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,558 [Sings high note] 35 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,309 - What in hell was that? - B flat. 36 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,950 [Melancholic instrumental music] 37 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,152 [Car horn honking] 38 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,033 CLERK: Monsieur le directeur, she's back. MANAGER: What? 39 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:55,709 Hey! 40 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,074 Miss Grant. 41 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,554 You owe me two weeks. 42 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,388 - Hold it, hold it. - What? 43 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:15,349 You promised to pay me on Tuesday, then on Wednesday, then on Thursday. 44 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,278 - What's that? - What? 45 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,195 Spaghetti? 46 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,510 Yes. With meatballs. 47 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,476 I'll sleep with you for a meatball. 48 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,191 - You'll what? - Missed your chance. 49 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,398 Oh, no, you don't! It won't do you any good. 50 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,829 I've been in the hotel business for 20 years. I know all the angles. 51 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:45,550 Come on, get up. Get up! I don't care if you got the bubonic plague. 52 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,834 If you can't pay the rent... 53 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,549 ...I'll confiscate your personal belongings and I'll evict you. 54 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:51,868 What happened? 55 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,635 You made me an offer I couldn't refuse and then you pretended to faint. 56 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,075 Don't be ridiculous. I never pretend to faint. 57 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,036 MANAGER: Yeah, sure. 58 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,556 - What are you doing? - I am helping you to stand up. 59 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,155 VICTORIA: I thought I was standing. MANAGER: Maybe you'd like to lie down. 60 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,639 VICTORIA: You're confusing me. 61 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,518 I'm sure we can do something about the rent. 62 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,599 Whatever you may think, I'm not an ungenerous man. 63 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:15,829 [Screaming] 64 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,876 MANAGER: What? What is it? VICTORIA: There! 65 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,029 - Where? - There! 66 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,348 - What? - A cockroach! 67 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,475 What? 68 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,596 I'm sorry! I can't stand cockroaches! 69 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:31,229 - I see. Especially in a hotel room? - Anywhere! 70 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:35,155 You won't tell the Department of Health if I forget your rent? 71 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,070 I'll tell you once more, I'm getting my money. 72 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,470 And just in case you thought of leaving us during the night... 73 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,871 Please, don't leave me! Please! 74 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,276 I know what it is. I'm dreaming. 75 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,991 [Singing Gay Paree] 76 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,199 Not that gay. 77 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,236 MAN: That's Toddy warbling again. 78 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,399 [Woman chattering] 79 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,279 MAN: Waiter! 80 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,349 MAN: How boring. 81 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:30,396 Thank you. You're most kind. 82 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,038 In fact, you're every kind. 83 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,629 I see we have a celebrity with us tonight. 84 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,477 Miss Simone Kallisto, star of stage, screen and an occasional circus. 85 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,914 - Take a bow, darling. - Up yours, ch�ri. 86 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,719 Speaking of the circus... 87 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,033 ...aren't you Richard Di Nardo the well-known trapeze artist? 88 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,999 Careful, Toddy. 89 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,354 You're not really funny, you know. 90 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,474 So, why don't you just piss off? 91 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,831 You ought to be ashamed of yourself, bringing your sweet, old mother... 92 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,558 ...into a place like this. 93 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,549 [Yelps] 94 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:09,189 TODDY: Ladies and gentlemen, you have a delightful surprise coming to you. 95 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,239 [Crowd screaming] 96 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,115 No! No! Please! 97 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,432 [Thunder rumbling] 98 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,759 Thank you. 99 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,517 [Rowdy crowd yelling] 100 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,236 [Police whistles blowing] 101 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,200 But nobody was seriously hurt. 102 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,630 That's why I'm only closing you for a week. 103 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,280 You know how much I will lose in one week? 104 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:10,229 A quarter of what you'll lose in a month if there is any more trouble. 105 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,038 [Siren wailing] 106 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,429 You're fired. 107 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,393 I can't afford it. 108 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,358 You can't afford it? What about me? What about all this? 109 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,395 More ice. 110 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,116 - You could take it out of my salary. - Toddy, get out! 111 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,078 TODDY: All right. LABISSE: And don't come back! 112 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:43,273 If you ever set foot in this place again, I will have you thrown out! 113 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,876 Don't make it sound like such a threat. 114 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,589 Being thrown out of here is better than being thrown out of a leper colony. 115 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,034 Out! 116 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,599 WAITER: Something to drink? 117 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,553 Could I see your wine list? 118 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:09,394 We have a white, 1934. We have a red, 1934. 119 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,749 Last week we had some ros�, but we're using it in the salad. 120 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,077 - Which do you recommend? - The red is 6 centimes cheaper. 121 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,593 I'll have the white. 122 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,072 I'll bet you're a Rockefeller. 123 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,638 [Thunder rumbling] 124 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,069 Something wrong? 125 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,833 - I thought maybe you had a dog. - Dog? 126 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,708 I've only been gone five minutes. I figured something helped you eat it. 127 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,399 It was delicious. 128 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,758 - You want a salad? - Later. 129 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:11,950 Later. 130 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,235 The chicken was so good, I thought I'd try the pork. 131 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,753 - Good. - Does it take long? 132 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,273 About half an hour. 133 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,359 - What about the boeuf bourguignon? - That's ready. 134 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,159 I'll have that, and I'll have the salad afterwards. 135 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,518 You realize, of course, you're entitled to two salads. 136 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,717 - Could you put them both on one plate? - That's possible. 137 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:30,755 Terrific. 138 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,759 Delicious wine. 139 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,879 Maybe you'd like to choose your two desserts. 140 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,272 Apple flan and Coupe Jacques might go well together. 141 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,673 Just a small coffee. 142 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:56,513 Good evening. I had the pleasure of hearing you sing this afternoon. 143 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,992 You must be mistaken. I haven't sung in about two weeks. 144 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,072 Your audition at Chez Lui. 145 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,831 That wasn't singing, and I would hardly call it an audition. 146 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,435 - I used to work there. - My condolences. 147 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,238 I hope I haven't bothered you. 148 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,754 I wanted to tell you that you have a lovely voice... 149 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,274 ...and to say how sorry I am I can't buy you dinner. 150 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,429 Thank you. 151 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,832 - Pardon me, monsieur. - Thank you. 152 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,831 Could I have a knife and fork, please? 153 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,229 Excuse me. 154 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,034 Why are you sorry that you can't buy me dinner? 155 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,552 - Cass�. - Broke? 156 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,155 I'm also Carroll Todd. Toddy, to nearly everybody who knows me. 157 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,439 Victoria Grant. 158 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:42,199 - I hope we meet again when I'm flush. - Won't you sit down? Please? 159 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,873 Have dinner with me. 160 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:50,995 Thank you. 161 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,912 You know, it's very strange. 162 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,878 At the club I thought you were at the end of your rope. 163 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,279 I was. I am. 164 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,077 This is the first decent meal I've had in almost four days. 165 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,838 And you can't pay for it. 166 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:11,709 Cass�e. 167 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,069 And you want me to have dinner with you. 168 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,031 I want you to have the best damned dinner you ever had. 169 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,229 Have two. 170 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,676 I started off with the roast chicken and I went to the boeuf bourguignon. 171 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,275 - Who knows what I could end up with. - I'd guess about 30 days. 172 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,318 If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor but sated. 173 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,798 I have a bug in my purse. 174 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,789 At the appropriate moment, it goes in my salad. 175 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,428 - It'll never work. - A bug in my salad? 176 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,594 In a place like this it'd be an event if there wasn't a bug in your salad. 177 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,959 VICTORIA: What about a cockroach? TODDY: A cockroach? 178 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,233 Bigger than your thumb. 179 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,515 - Oh, God. - Waiter? 180 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,115 Try the chicken. I really recommend it. 181 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,789 The bourguignon is just a little tough. 182 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,758 Maybe the way you're eating, your jaws are getting tired. 183 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,037 Speaking of overworked jaws, treat yours to a sabbatical... 184 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,872 ...and fetch me a wine list. 185 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,396 - This is all they have. - This? 186 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,637 Last time I saw a specimen like this they had to shoot the horse. 187 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:19,994 How lucky can you get? 188 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,834 In one evening a Rockefeller and a Groucho Marx. 189 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,671 They didn't shoot a real horse. 190 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,751 Just a costume with two waiters in it. 191 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,799 I shall think of a sharp retort while I am getting your roast chicken. 192 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,594 It's a wise man who knows when to throw in the towel. 193 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:39,195 And it is a moron who gives advice to a horse's ass. 194 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,719 [Both laugh] 195 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,918 I made the dressing myself with the last of the ros�. 196 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,795 - I bet it's delicious. - I wouldn't bet. Go on, try it. 197 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,519 I think I'll wait till the bourguignon settles a bit. 198 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,477 - You don't have to eat it. - I want to. 199 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,437 You will be the first to know. 200 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,319 - You'd better go now. - I want to lend my support. 201 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,790 That's lovely, but it's my cockroach in my purse... 202 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,436 ...and I have to get it into my salad. 203 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,593 I'm willing to take over your salad. You can slip me the purse under the table. 204 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,753 You hate cockroaches as much as I do. What if I manage and you faint? 205 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:32,590 - Then it's possible I'll wake up in prison. - I can't talk you out of it? 206 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,113 You don't have time. 207 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,953 Now, be careful it doesn't crawl out. 208 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,708 - Anybody looking? - No. 209 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,559 - I don't see it. - How's the salad? 210 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,352 - Have you tried it yet? - No. 211 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,433 - No, I was just about to. - We would like another bottle of wine. 212 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,392 We'd like to try the red. 213 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,475 A cockroach! 214 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,949 - Cockroach? - In my salad! 215 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,190 - I can't believe it! - I don't believe it. 216 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,431 - Are you impugning the lady's integrity? - She's impugning my salad. 217 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,672 No. I'm sure it wasn't your fault that your salad had a cockroach in it. 218 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,558 - It didn't and it wasn't. - I demand to see the manager. 219 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:24,629 Yes, sir. 220 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,349 - This lady found a cockroach in her salad. - So I gather. 221 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,751 - What are you going to do about it? - I'm going to apologize. 222 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,476 Madame, I regret that you found a cockroach in your salad. 223 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:39,155 I can assure you that in the five years I've been running this place... 224 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,949 ...there've only been two other occasions when customers complained of... 225 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,157 - ... finding insects in their food. - See? It's happened before. 226 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,153 On both occasions it turned out that the customers had actually... 227 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:54,916 ...put the insects in their food, hoping to blackmail the restaurant... 228 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,873 ...and thus avoid having to pay their checks. 229 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,431 Surely you're not suggesting that- 230 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,715 That madame's trying to avoid paying her check? 231 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,712 Of course not. As the manager of this restaurant... 232 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:10,032 ...I hope madame accepts my apology for any inconvenience she was caused. 233 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,429 Thank you. Madame does. 234 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:16,069 Now, that is what I have done about it. 235 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,074 - What are you going to do about it? - I? 236 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,152 - There is still the matter of your check. - My check? 237 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,396 There was no cockroach in your salad. 238 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,233 No, I invited this man to have dinner with me. 239 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,355 Oh, I see. 240 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,950 Am I to gather, madame, that since this gentleman is your guest... 241 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,191 ...you don't feel that you should pay for his dinner either? 242 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:39,193 TODDY: Well, under the circumstances, that's the only logical conclusion available. 243 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:40,315 VICTORIA: Yes. 244 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,518 MANAGER: I will tell you what I consider to be the only conclusion available: 245 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,229 Either you or madame will pay the- 246 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:49,719 [Screaming] 247 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,792 [Thunder rumbling] 248 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,709 TODDY: This way! 249 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:10,909 VICTORIA: What? 250 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,798 VICTORIA: I was the leading soprano of the Bath Touring Light Opera Company. 251 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,031 TODDY: You're an athletic soprano. VICTORIA: I have three brothers. 252 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,032 TODDY: I know what you mean. I grew up with two older sisters. 253 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:24,030 [Sneezes] 254 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,712 VICTORIA: Bless you. TODDY: Thank you. 255 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:26,829 [Sneezes] 256 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,672 TODDY: I think I'm catching a cold. 257 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,116 [Jazz record playing] 258 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,314 VICTORIA: Do you have any bicarbonate? TODDY: Top shelf. 259 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,511 I have the worst heartburn. 260 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:39,953 [Toddy sneezes] 261 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,876 VICTORIA: Can I ask you a question? TODDY: If I'm a homosexual. 262 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,794 VICTORIA: No. I want to know if you're a hypochondriac. 263 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,393 [Toddy laughs] 264 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,754 TODDY: Not necessarily. 265 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,718 VICTORIA: Well, my husband was. 266 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,469 The day we got married he got the shingles. 267 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,513 The day we got divorced his ulcer perforated. 268 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,835 - How long have you been homosexual? - How long have you been a soprano? 269 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,668 Since I was 12. 270 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,999 I was a late bloomer. 271 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,312 What happened to the Bath Touring Light Opera Company? 272 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:27,518 I guess you could say Lou Cassava took French leave with the bankroll. 273 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:29,793 Lou Cassava? 274 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,311 - Our stage manager. Sam put him up to it. - Sam? 275 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,033 My ex-husband. 276 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,274 Oh, God. 277 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,069 You know... 278 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,680 ...you should stay in bed and force liquids. 279 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,111 That's good advice for a camel. 280 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,713 - Have anybody to take care of you? - It's only a cold. 281 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,473 A cold tonight could be pneumonia by the morning. 282 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:56,669 Are you sure your husband was a hypochondriac before he married you? 283 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,469 - I know you think I'm an alarmist. - Only because you sound like one. 284 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,310 I've had enough personal experience to know... 285 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,631 ...that when it comes to your health it doesn't pay to take chances. 286 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,199 Then, you can stop worrying. 287 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,919 With the exception of saxophone lessons and the metro... 288 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,956 ...I never pay to take anything. 289 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,270 - You know what I'm going to do? - What? 290 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:24,436 I'm going to see if my clothes are dry, and then try to sneak back into my hotel. 291 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,991 TODDY: And what if I wake up with pneumonia? 292 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,914 VICTORIA: I'll just have to come around early in the morning and check on you. 293 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,955 I could have a relapse in the middle of the night. 294 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,270 VICTORIA: No, you couldn't. TODDY: Why couldn't I? 295 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,557 VICTORIA: Because the middle of the night was about two hours ago. 296 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:42,873 [Humming] 297 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,510 VICTORIA: Oh, my God! 298 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,596 What? 299 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:55,715 What? 300 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,868 It was guaranteed not to shrink. 301 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,116 My best dress. 302 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,192 - Look. - Let's see. 303 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,319 There's nothing to let down. 304 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,631 - I can't go out like this. - Well, what about the coat? 305 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,118 What am I going to do? 306 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,429 Sell matches. 307 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:25,159 [Both chuckle] 308 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,354 Poor baby. 309 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,079 [Sobbing] 310 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:39,359 VICTORIA: I'm sorry. This hasn't been my day. 311 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:44,911 God, there have been times I'd have given my soul to cry like that. 312 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,238 VICTORIA: No. I hate it. 313 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,269 You wouldn't if you couldn't do it anymore. 314 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,395 Well... 315 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,231 ...tomorrow I'll go over and pick up your clothes. 316 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,079 - They won't let you. - They will if I pay your bill. 317 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,229 You can't do that. 318 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,551 Why not? This is that rainy day I've saved up a few francs for. 319 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,470 Here. 320 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,070 VICTORIA: You know what they say. TODDY: What? 321 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,308 "Neither a borrower nor a lender be. " 322 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,479 TODDY: "A loan oft loses both itself and friend. " 323 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:17,675 Exactly. 324 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,077 You were willing to compromise your virtue for a meatball. 325 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:26,273 I was out of my mind at the time. At least it was something for something. 326 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,597 Right. We'll make this strictly a business proposition. 327 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,431 I'll charge you a weekly interest... 328 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,114 ...equivalent to the going rate of one meatball. 329 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,029 Oh, damn. 330 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:42,072 - Toddy, you're sweet and generous. - Exhausted. 331 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,157 How would I ever pay you back? 332 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,109 Well, we'll solve that tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm giving the orders. 333 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,638 You're going to get into those pajamas and come to bed. 334 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,790 - There? - You're welcome to the sofa. 335 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,879 You have my word, this is much more comfortable, and infinitely safer. 336 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,518 [Toddy sneezes] 337 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,109 God! 338 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,795 There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold. 339 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,718 [Car horn honking] 340 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,319 RICHARD: I won't be long. 341 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,228 I resent being treated like a helpless invalid. 342 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,629 VICTORIA: Will you keep your mouth shut? 343 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,590 Now, I'll cash the check, pay my hotel bill... 344 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:41,355 - ... and be back in time to fix lunch. - I can bloody well fix my own lunch. 345 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,158 VICTORIA: Not with a fever you can't. 346 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,115 What makes you so sure I've got a fever? 347 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,150 VICTORIA: Because you're burning up, that's why. 348 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:50,593 I'm naturally warm-blooded. 349 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,557 To be that naturally warm-blooded you'd have to be a Saint Bernard. 350 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,915 You look better in Richard's clothes than he does. 351 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,389 Of course, he looks better out of them. Well? 352 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,357 You're right. You don't have a fever. 353 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,591 You don't even have a temperature. Now, leave it there. 354 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,915 - Does Richard have a hat? - In the closet. 355 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,997 RICHARD: Toddy? TODDY: Richard. 356 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,508 Good morning, Richard. You look like a raccoon. 357 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,079 I came to pick up my things. 358 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,469 I thought it was to pay me the money you owed me. 359 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:30,394 I don't owe you a thing, you pathetic, old queer. 360 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,389 VICTORIA: You bastard! 361 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:38,195 Get up! 362 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:40,473 You, get back in bed! 363 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,470 RICHARD: Who was that? VICTORIA: Now... 364 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,712 ...next time, pick on someone your own size. 365 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,028 - And don't come back! - Good. 366 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:09,509 Oh, my God! 367 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:10,828 MAN: What happened? 368 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:15,471 There was a man wearing my clothes. I think he broke my nose. 369 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,916 Toddy! You're delirious. 370 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,035 - Lower your voice. - Toddy! 371 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,269 - Lower. - Toddy. 372 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,669 - Caruso, not Chaliapin. - If you don't get back- 373 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,638 When you're angry it drops naturally. Think angry. 374 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,676 - What an inspiration! - I'll get a doctor. 375 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,398 - Victoria, it'll work! - It won't. 376 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,358 If you listen to me and do as I say, in six weeks you'll be... 377 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,829 ...the toast of Paris and we will both be very rich. 378 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,638 - Oh, yes. - Very, very rich! 379 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:37,869 - But, my God! - Think. 380 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,555 No more Bath Light Opera Company. No more Mikado and seedy tenors. 381 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,790 - Yes, but- - Caviar instead of meatballs! 382 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,348 VICTORIA: Where're you going? TODDY: To get some scissors! 383 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,431 TODDY: People believe what they see. 384 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,958 This afternoon Andr� Cassell will meet Europe's greatest female impersonator. 385 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,794 Andr� Cassell is the biggest agent in Paris. 386 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,632 If I'm great, why hasn't he heard of me? 387 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,439 You're the greatest, but you're unknown, except in Poland. 388 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,159 - Poland? - You're Count Grazinski, Polish aristocrat. 389 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:04,832 You speak very little English. 390 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,480 Your family disowned you when they found out you're gay. 391 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:08,117 Wait! 392 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,839 We met in Warsaw, fell in love, I brought you to Paris. 393 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,273 - Hold it! - What's wrong? 394 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,112 "What's wrong?" What's right? 395 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,232 A woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman? 396 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,151 - Ridiculous. - It's preposterous. 397 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,231 It's so preposterous, no one would believe it. 398 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,949 - You expect them to believe Count... - Grazinski. 399 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:29,272 Grazinski, a gay, Polish female impersonator. 400 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,193 Darling, all anybody has to believe is that you're a man. 401 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,149 To convince an audience that an illusion is real... 402 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,800 ...the magician creates a plausible diversion. 403 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:42,232 - Count Grazinski is our plausible diversion. - Toddy, no audience is that gullible. 404 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,191 - They'll know he's a phony. - Right. 405 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,590 - Well? - They'll know he's a phony. 406 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,949 VICTORIA: Toddy, I don't know how to act like a man. 407 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,554 TODDY: Contrary to the popular conception of how a man acts... 408 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,029 ...there are different men who act in different ways. 409 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,156 I mean, as opposed to the way women act. 410 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:02,518 I am personally acquainted with at least a dozen men who act exactly like women... 411 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:03,953 ...and vice versa. 412 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,713 But there are some things that are naturally masculine. 413 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,028 Name one. 414 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:10,638 Peeing standing up. 415 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,952 There's absolutely no rule that says a man can't sit down. 416 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,315 - Men have Adam's apples. - So do some women. 417 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,277 - Name one. - Nana Lanoux. 418 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,469 - What? - Taxi! 419 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,358 - Nana Lanoux? Who's she? - The last woman I slept with. 420 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:23,589 When was that? 421 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,752 The night before the morning I decided to become a homosexual. 422 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,308 - Very dashing. - I can't wear this all the time. 423 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:31,709 Why not? You might set a fashion. 424 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,195 VICTORIA: Did Miss Lanoux have a big Adam's apple? 425 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,349 Like a coconut. 426 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,434 Good morning. 427 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,917 Would you please tell Mr. Cassell that Carroll Todd is here? 428 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:56,836 Why? 429 00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:59,070 Why? 430 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,960 If you don't have an appointment with Mr. Cassell... 431 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,190 ...why should I tell him you're here? 432 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,274 Because Mr. Cassell and I are very close friends. 433 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,113 And if you tell him I'm here, he'll want to see me. 434 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,637 That's not very complicated, is it? 435 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,429 Being a very close friend, I'm surprised you don't know that every Wednesday... 436 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,832 ...at this time, Mr. Cassell has his hair cut, and he never sees anyone... 437 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,270 ...including his very close friends. 438 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:24,675 We'll wait. 439 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,595 - You're wasting your time. - Oh, no. You are wasting it. 440 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,760 [Light-hearted instrumental music] 441 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:43,715 Mr. Cassell? 442 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,518 No, Miss Selma. 443 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,317 - No, I mean, I wish to see Mr. Cassell. - No. 444 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,471 I am Leclou, the world's greatest equilibrist. 445 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,152 On Wednesdays Mr. Cassell only sees Giannini, the world's greatest barber. 446 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,348 Very well then. 447 00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:13,350 If Mr. Cassell cannot see me then I shall perform... 448 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:16,995 ...for you. 449 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,270 SELMA: What are you doing? Get off! Will you get off? 450 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,988 Get off that desk! Will you get off? 451 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,870 TODDY: Hello, Andr�. ANDRE: Toddy? What the devil... 452 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:41,316 TODDY: Andr�, it's very important that you meet Count Victor Grazinski. 453 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,512 ANDRE: Who is Count Victor Grazinski? TODDY: Surely you're joking. 454 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,875 He is Europe's greatest female impersonator. 455 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,109 ANDRE: Never heard of him. 456 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,395 In all modesty, if I haven't heard of him... 457 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,357 ...he can't be Europe's greatest anything. 458 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,113 TODDY: Count, would you demonstrate? VICTORIA: Certainly. 459 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,792 [Victoria sings high note] 460 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,278 [Leclou groaning] 461 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:02,914 ANDRE: What the hell? 462 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:07,959 [Soft, sweeping instrumental music] 463 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,196 Count, with your voice and my connections... 464 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,238 ...you're going to get rich and I'm going to get richer. 465 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,515 To a long and profitable relationship. 466 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,277 Now, when can you open? 467 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:30,590 Where? 468 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:32,879 - Here. - Here? 469 00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:36,309 Here? 470 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,317 - Six weeks. - Excellent. 471 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:43,676 Here. 472 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,755 [Pianist plays show music] 473 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,273 [Playing melancholy song] 474 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,032 [Victoria singing] 475 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,156 TODDY: Try it a tone lower. VICTORIA: Okay. 476 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:26,309 [Victoria sings] 477 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:27,674 TODDY: Nope. Try a third. 478 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:28,869 VICTORIA: A third? 479 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:31,595 All right. 480 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,717 [Victoria sings] 481 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,390 Perfect. It's just low enough to be a touch masculine. 482 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:42,917 Now, when you're dancing, remember, make it broader, with tons of shoulder. 483 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,920 Remember, you're a drag queen! 484 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:47,991 [Singing Le Jazz Hot] 485 00:36:59,720 --> 00:37:01,995 - He's fantastic. - He's a phony. 486 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,197 - What do you mean? - If he's a Polish count, I'm Greta Garbo. 487 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:08,795 Well, Greta, whatever he is, I think he's divine. 488 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,631 [Fast-paced instrumental music] 489 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,598 [Dancers squealing] 490 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,953 - Oh, God! I'll never make it! - Listen to me. 491 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,033 From the beginning we've had two major obstacles to overcome. 492 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:29,791 My bosom. 493 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,472 First, convincing everyone you're a man. 494 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,154 - So far, we've done that. - It's been damn uncomfortable. 495 00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,310 - What has? - Strapping down my bosom. 496 00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,790 All you've got to do is to get out and show what a great artist you are... 497 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,553 ...and you'll be a star for the next 20 years. 498 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,473 If I have to strap down my bosom for the next 20 years... 499 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,233 ...they'll end up looking like two empty wallets. 500 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:49,953 - Sit up. - Then what? 501 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:53,669 TODDY: Stand up. VICTORIA: Sit up, stand up, throw up. 502 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:55,955 TODDY: Now, you are not going to be sick. 503 00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:57,719 VICTORIA: Not if I faint first. 504 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:01,919 We got a full house. 505 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,594 I've sent 300 invitations and everyone's turned up... 506 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,478 ANDRE:... except King Marchand. VICTORIA: Who's King Marchand? 507 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,118 Among other things... 508 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,350 ...he's the most successful nightclub owner in Chicago. 509 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:12,429 And the other things? 510 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,715 Nothing worth mentioning if you want to stay alive. 511 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,991 [Fast-paced instrumental music] 512 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:18,918 [Dancers squealing] 513 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,630 [Saucy instrumental music] 514 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:10,515 Ladies and gentlemen! 515 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:14,149 The nightclub is proud to present the one and only Victoria! 516 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,238 [Crowd applauding] 517 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,351 [Singing Le Jazz Hot] 518 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,398 [Chorus singing] 519 00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:07,199 She's a winner. 520 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:12,633 CROWD: Bravo! 521 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,271 [Crowd whistling and cheering] 522 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,193 Bravo! 523 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,435 Brava! 524 00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:01,710 Watch this. 525 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,153 [Crowd gasping] 526 00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:14,593 It's a guy. 527 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,113 [Squeals] 528 00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:05,954 Pardon me. 529 00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,391 Excuse me. Pardon me. Come on, dear. 530 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,876 I hope six, eight weeks, or something. 531 00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,988 - Hi. - Hello. 532 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,638 I'm Norma Cassady. 533 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,432 - You were just grand. - Thank you. 534 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,911 And this is King Marchand. 535 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,752 KING: How do you do? VICTORIA: How do you do? 536 00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,912 NORMA: I got to admit for a while there I was really cheesed off. 537 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,991 King's tongue was hanging out a foot. 538 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:45,038 When you took that wig off, I just couldn't believe it. 539 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:47,830 - King still doesn't. - Well, I'm flattered. 540 00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,036 I'm delighted you could make it, Mr. Marchand. 541 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,429 - Thank you. - May I introduce Mr. Todd? 542 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,513 - How're you? - It's a pleasure. 543 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,033 This is Miss Cassady. 544 00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,034 - Mademoiselle. - Enchanted. 545 00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,074 Me, too. 546 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:06,036 - Well, what do you think of our new star? - He thinks he's a phony. 547 00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:07,599 - She's very talented. - What? 548 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,433 - He doesn't think you're a man. - I'll tell her what I think. 549 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,351 - "Her. " You see? - Norma. 550 00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,148 - What? - Mingle. 551 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:16,515 Sure. 552 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,711 You care to mingle with me, Mr. Todd? 553 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,594 Miss Cassady, excluding Victor's performance... 554 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:27,877 ...mingling with you may turn out to be the highlight of the evening. 555 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,031 - I just love Frenchmen. - So do I. 556 00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:35,515 - I'll get you a drink. - Well, thank you. 557 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,430 You were saying, Mr. Marchand? 558 00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:50,519 Well, I just find it hard to believe that you're a man. 559 00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,829 Because you found me attractive as a woman? 560 00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:56,152 Yes, as a matter of fact. 561 00:46:57,800 --> 00:46:59,995 - It happens frequently. - Not to me. 562 00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,598 It proves the old adage, "There's a first time for everything. " 563 00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:05,999 I don't think so. 564 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,313 - But you're not 100 percent sure. - Practically. 565 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,990 But to a man like you, someone who believes he could never... 566 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,231 ...under any circumstances, find another man attractive... 567 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,151 ...the margin between "practically" and "for sure" must be... 568 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:23,398 ...as wide as the Grand Canyon. 569 00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,710 If you were a man, I'd knock your block off. 570 00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,950 - And prove that you're a man. - That's a woman's argument. 571 00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:35,038 Your problem, Mr. Marchand, is that you're preoccupied with stereotypes. 572 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,273 I think it's as simple as, you're one kind of man... 573 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,594 - ... I'm another. - And what kind are you? 574 00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:46,117 One that doesn't have to prove it, to myself or anyone. 575 00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:48,355 Excuse me. 576 00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:54,069 Cheers. 577 00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:58,999 You're kidding! 578 00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:03,148 You really are queer? 579 00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:05,912 We prefer "gay. " 580 00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:10,952 But you're so attractive. 581 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:14,553 Well, I just think it's a terrible waste. 582 00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,830 - You know what I think? - What? 583 00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:23,072 I think that the right woman could reform you. 584 00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:26,118 You know, I think the right woman could reform you, too. 585 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,872 [Norma yelps] 586 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,195 Me, give up men? Forget it! 587 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,350 You took the words right out of my mouth. 588 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:33,830 Norma? 589 00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,679 I still think it's a terrible waste. 590 00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:42,275 Well, if it's any consolation, I assure you it is not wasted. 591 00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:45,030 Norma? 592 00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:52,949 Au revoir. 593 00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,549 Me, too. 594 00:48:56,240 --> 00:48:58,549 Come on, get out of my way. Go on, go on. 595 00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:03,318 See you in church. 596 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,994 - Don't ever leave me alone like that again. - What did you think of King Marchand? 597 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:19,517 King Marchand is an arrogant, opinionated, chauvinistic pain in the ass. 598 00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:22,478 - I think I could fall in love with him. - I think I could, too. 599 00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,910 I'm telling you, he's gay. 600 00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:28,671 I know all about it. We had a long talk. 601 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:32,230 They met in Poland or something, and he brought him to Paris. 602 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,595 And he's making him a big star. 603 00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:36,474 They're lovers. 604 00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,069 And I know why you don't want to believe it. 605 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,513 Can I take you to your hotel? 606 00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,512 - That's kind of you, Andr�, but- - We'd be delighted. 607 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,353 - Hotel? - Why not? 608 00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:58,550 KING: I heard you, Norma, I heard you. 609 00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,074 I just don't know what you're so burned up about. 610 00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,118 Thank you. I mean, it was a perfectly natural mistake. 611 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:08,034 - Knock it off, Norma. - But Squash thought he was a woman. 612 00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,914 If you think about it, it's really very funny. 613 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,272 He isn't bad looking... 614 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:17,399 ...but I knew he was a man right away. It's the padding. 615 00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,477 I don't care how clever those costumes are. 616 00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,353 I mean, there are just some things you cannot fake. 617 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,320 I mean, even with all those hormone shots... 618 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,994 ...and everything, a real woman can always tell. 619 00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:34,277 Can you imagine what Sal Andratti would say... 620 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,750 ...if he knew his partner fell for a female impersonator? 621 00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:42,356 NORMA: Check under the beds? SQUASH: Yes. 622 00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:47,077 Now, I know he's supposed to protect you... 623 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:50,437 ...but does he have to stay in the same suite with us? 624 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:55,835 I mean, I just keep expecting him to break in while... 625 00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:57,434 ...we're making love. 626 00:50:57,520 --> 00:50:59,909 He'd only do that if he heard something unusual... 627 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,797 ...like if I got excited. 628 00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,028 Why, you take a... 629 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,837 Listen to me, you creep! 630 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,794 You mind your goddamn business! 631 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,510 DOORMAN: Good evening, sir. TODDY: Good evening. 632 00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,194 Thank you, Andr�. 633 00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:23,358 ANDRE: 'Bye, Toddy. TODDY: Victor, get some sleep. 634 00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:26,990 Toddy, this is the Monceau. Where're you going? 635 00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:27,876 Up. 636 00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:32,789 TODDY: Entrez. 637 00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:35,313 [Victoria giggling] 638 00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,756 TODDY: That's far enough. VICTORIA: What are you up to? Toddy? 639 00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,237 Holy merde! 640 00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,679 - Toddy, when did we move? - During dress rehearsal. 641 00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,712 But what if I'd flopped? 642 00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:04,236 Then, we would have ordered a sumptuous meal, charged it to room service... 643 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,153 ...drunk the champagne, compliments of the management... 644 00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:08,958 VICTORIA: And jumped out the window. 645 00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,874 Which is why I chose a three-star hotel, and specifically requested... 646 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,916 ...accommodations above the third floor. 647 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,877 - Toddy. - Monsieur. 648 00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:22,149 - The bathroom is a religious experience. - I can hardly wait. 649 00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:26,957 When can we afford another bedroom? 650 00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,429 TODDY: After we're sure you're not just a flash in the pan. 651 00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:30,839 My God! 652 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:35,516 TODDY: Besides, one bedroom, one bed, promotes the illusion that we're lovers. 653 00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,478 Well, if for some reason we decide we'd rather sleep apart... 654 00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:41,551 ...there's more than enough room in the bathtub. 655 00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:46,395 TODDY: And if we have an overnight guest he can always stretch out in the bidet. 656 00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:47,710 Right. 657 00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:53,832 - I love you. - I love you, too, sir. 658 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,072 [Norma humming] 659 00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:10,799 [Calls for attention] 660 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,076 Aren't you coming to bed? 661 00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:21,630 King. 662 00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,272 Cookie. 663 00:53:30,720 --> 00:53:33,359 [Slow, foreboding instrumental music] 664 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:04,275 [Calls for attention] 665 00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:11,878 I'm horny. 666 00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:21,708 [Screaming] 667 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:23,472 NORMA: Okay. All right. 668 00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:26,030 [Singing Home On The Range] 669 00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:46,039 [Thumping] 670 00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,877 - Obviously a music lover. - I dare you to hit high C. 671 00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:53,758 Well, I will if you will. 672 00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:57,118 If I could, I would be the star and you would still be trying... 673 00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,395 ...to swap your virtue for a meatball. 674 00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,555 Speaking of virtue... 675 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,994 ...were you serious about King Marchand? 676 00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:10,429 Were you? 677 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,751 - I asked you first. - That's an infantile evasion. 678 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,675 Okay. I find him extremely attractive. 679 00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:21,990 Check. 680 00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,513 In fact, I wouldn't mind having an affair with him. 681 00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,034 I'll buy that. 682 00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:38,595 You know, pretending to be a man... 683 00:55:39,720 --> 00:55:41,472 ...has its disadvantages. 684 00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:44,079 My dear count... 685 00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,593 ...you just said a cotton-picking mouthful. 686 00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:52,033 [Slow, lumbering instrumental music] 687 00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:56,788 Pooky. 688 00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,430 It's no big deal. 689 00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,038 [Blowing raspberry] 690 00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:21,475 It happens to everyone. Men, I mean. 691 00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:24,353 We're lucky. 692 00:56:25,240 --> 00:56:28,835 Women, I mean. We can fake it if we have to. 693 00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:35,030 Don't get me wrong. 694 00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:38,236 I never have with you. 695 00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:41,318 Faked it, I mean. 696 00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,195 With you it's like... 697 00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,000 ...pow, pow, pow... 698 00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,960 ...like the Fourth of July! Every time. 699 00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,840 Just tonight, because you couldn't get it. 700 00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:01,551 Up till now it's been grand, really, really grand. 701 00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,671 And if there's one thing I know for sure... 702 00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,829 ...you can't let it get you, you should excuse the expression, down. 703 00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:15,837 You can't think about it. You just got to put it out of your mind. 704 00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,593 I mean, the more you think about it, the more you worry. 705 00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:22,912 The more you worry, the more you think. Think, worry. 706 00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,433 Good stuff. 707 00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:28,076 Worry, think. It just gets like a vicious circle. 708 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:34,596 And then, before you know it, you are impudent. 709 00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:38,559 What's with the soap? 710 00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:42,157 [Norma screaming] 711 00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:48,314 - Look out. - You son of a bitch! 712 00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:50,829 Now, Norma. 713 00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:56,391 Nobody puts soap in my mouth! Not even my mother! 714 00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:58,508 He's very childish. 715 00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:01,319 I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill you, too! 716 00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:06,278 - You big muscle-brain! - You have to learn to control yourself. 717 00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:10,272 - Oh, God! - Oh, shit! 718 00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,357 This is it. Hurry! 719 00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,438 [Norma screaming] 720 00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:22,673 You and your ideas! "Why not take her to Paris with you?" 721 00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:24,990 I just thought she'd help you relax. 722 00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,437 - She'd never help me relax. - Well, then, send her home. 723 00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,314 Why don't you ever come up with a really good idea? 724 00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,994 - For instance? - You send her home! 725 00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,955 Thinks he can just push me around. 726 00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:41,519 Thinks I'm going to hop on the next boat for the States and that'll be that. 727 00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:44,438 Well, you've got another thing coming... 728 00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:47,637 ...Mr. Big Shot Fairy Marchand. 729 00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:51,239 Because Mrs. Cassady's little girl Norma... 730 00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,118 ...ain't going to take this one lying down. 731 00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:56,113 [Norma moans] 732 00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:16,272 And don't kid yourself! 733 00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:20,029 You ain't seen the last of me yet. 734 00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:23,948 Are you okay? 735 00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,954 [Dramatic Latin instrumental music] 736 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:42,634 [Singing The Shady Dame From Seville] 737 01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:08,188 [Dramatic Latin instrumental music] 738 01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:36,431 [Dramatic tango music] 739 01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:48,828 [Crowd cheering and applauding] 740 01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,877 - Can you believe this weather? - I thought we left Chicago. 741 01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:32,909 Can you see that Count Grazinski gets this, please? 742 01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:33,989 Yes, sir. 743 01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,514 - Count Grazinski. - Yes, sir, 432. 744 01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:38,476 Right. 745 01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:55,713 SQUASH: Hi, Norma. 746 01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:02,111 - That's really funny. Good night, Squash. - Good night, boss. 747 01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:15,871 Give me the housekeeper, please. 748 01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:23,474 - I thought you were going to bed. - I think I'm having an anxiety attack. 749 01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:26,075 You better get some sleep. 750 01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:29,118 I may want to get up in the morning and play some golf. 751 01:05:29,920 --> 01:05:31,638 Boss, it's snowing outside. 752 01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:35,198 We'll use red balls. 753 01:05:41,320 --> 01:05:43,788 Yes, this is Mr... 754 01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:46,069 King Marchand. 755 01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:50,319 Mr. Todd in Suite 432. 756 01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:54,275 Would you be kind enough to have a maid bring up some extra towels, please? 757 01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:56,396 WOMAN: Oui, monsieur. KING: Thank you so much. 758 01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:57,314 Monsieur? 759 01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:09,270 Bonsoir. 760 01:08:09,360 --> 01:08:12,557 Bonsoir, Monsieur Todd. C'est pour le Comte. 761 01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:13,755 Merci. 762 01:08:44,440 --> 01:08:47,432 VICTORIA: The concierge gave me this, but there's nothing on it. 763 01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:52,751 Mustn't forget. Important photography session in the morning. 764 01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:57,434 TODDY: What's funny? VICTORIA: Watch the birdie. 765 01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:00,472 [Victoria laughing] 766 01:09:02,440 --> 01:09:03,998 [Toddy laughing] 767 01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:10,514 - I haven't been so tired in my whole life. - You're still a young man. 768 01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:12,638 But not for long. 769 01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:18,918 VICTORIA: All I want is a nice hot bath. TODDY: I had one once. You'll love it. 770 01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,991 [Singing Le Jazz Hot] 771 01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:27,400 VICTORIA: Toddy! TODDY: Sorry! 772 01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:30,230 [Singing Home On The Range] 773 01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:31,879 [Water running] 774 01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:47,314 [Victoria moaning] 775 01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:51,712 VICTORIA: This is ridiculous. I don't think I can sleep, I'm so tired. 776 01:09:51,880 --> 01:09:54,997 TODDY: I'll get you a cognac. VICTORIA: That'll help me sleep? 777 01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:58,277 No, but it'll make staying awake a hell of a lot more fun. 778 01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:02,079 [Humming] 779 01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:13,080 [Victoria singing Home On The Range] 780 01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:21,591 [Water splashing] 781 01:11:24,480 --> 01:11:26,277 [Victoria moaning] 782 01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:37,550 TODDY: Here. 783 01:11:37,640 --> 01:11:40,154 Guaranteed to lift your spirits and warm your cockles. 784 01:11:40,240 --> 01:11:42,800 VICTORIA: That's my trouble. I don't have any cockles. 785 01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:45,872 TODDY: You hungry? VICTORIA: No, thanks, love. I'm too tired. 786 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,833 [Humming] 787 01:12:27,640 --> 01:12:28,993 [Sniffing] 788 01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:10,791 [Telephone ringing] 789 01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:30,199 TODDY: What? Who is this? 790 01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:33,190 VICTORIA: I could sleep for a week. TODDY: What? 791 01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:36,760 TODDY: I can't understand you. What? 792 01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:39,838 What room did you want? 793 01:13:40,480 --> 01:13:41,469 Who? 794 01:13:42,600 --> 01:13:45,558 No, I'm not Se�or Gomez from Barcelona. 795 01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:49,157 And, unless he's hiding under my bed, you have the wrong room. 796 01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:54,752 What the hell? 797 01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:01,952 Why did you open the window? 798 01:14:02,680 --> 01:14:04,432 Oh, forget it. Go to sleep. 799 01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:08,517 - Freezing! - Small wonder. 800 01:14:12,360 --> 01:14:13,588 TODDY: Oh, damn. 801 01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:17,355 I left the light on in the other room. 802 01:14:22,920 --> 01:14:24,592 You got the floor all wet. 803 01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:28,276 VICTORIA: Bitch, bitch, bitch. 804 01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:48,350 - Do you have heat in your room? - Yes. 805 01:14:48,920 --> 01:14:50,319 Well, you're lucky! 806 01:14:54,480 --> 01:14:56,311 [Piano music playing] 807 01:14:59,760 --> 01:15:01,193 [Singing Chicago, Illinois] 808 01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:33,750 [Saucy instrumental music] 809 01:17:31,360 --> 01:17:32,759 [Crowd cheering] 810 01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:56,512 [Norma giggling] 811 01:17:57,800 --> 01:18:02,157 Hi, Sal. Thanks for coming by. 812 01:18:02,520 --> 01:18:05,512 Norma, what's on your mind? 813 01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:10,994 - It's King. - Shacking up with another dame. 814 01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:12,798 No, another guy. 815 01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,230 It's so terrible. 816 01:18:18,720 --> 01:18:20,836 Run that by me again. 817 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:23,753 Well, there's this Polish fairy, you see. 818 01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:26,668 [Slow, dramatic instrumental music] 819 01:18:38,920 --> 01:18:41,798 Even when I was a second-rate soprano I had a proper dresser. 820 01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:44,440 Who could swear that you were a second-rate soprano... 821 01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:47,432 - ... and not a first class imposter. - You trust my dressmaker. 822 01:18:47,520 --> 01:18:49,715 He trusts me not to reveal certain things... 823 01:18:49,800 --> 01:18:52,598 ...that would be embarrassing to his wife and six children. 824 01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:54,591 You ought to be ashamed of yourself. 825 01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:57,638 Shame is an unhappy emotion invented by pietists... 826 01:18:57,720 --> 01:19:00,029 ...in order to exploit the human race. 827 01:19:00,440 --> 01:19:02,670 - Who said that? - I said that. 828 01:19:02,800 --> 01:19:05,598 - You don't believe in shame? - I believe in happiness. 829 01:19:05,680 --> 01:19:06,669 [Knocking] 830 01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:07,829 ANDRE: It's Andr�. 831 01:19:11,920 --> 01:19:15,879 King Marchand has just offered me a fortune for you to appear at his club. 832 01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:18,155 Would you please be more specific with your nouns? 833 01:19:18,240 --> 01:19:21,312 - $10,000 a week. - That's not a noun, that's a fortune. 834 01:19:21,480 --> 01:19:24,040 ANDRE: He wants to have dinner with you after the show. 835 01:19:24,120 --> 01:19:26,793 - You think you can make it? - I think so. 836 01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:31,238 I'll tell him. $10,000 a week, 10 weeks guarantee. We're on our way. 837 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:35,358 [Victoria humming] 838 01:19:41,160 --> 01:19:43,116 I know what you're thinking. 839 01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:47,274 And you ought to be ashamed of yourself. 840 01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:55,630 [Romantic instrumental music] 841 01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:04,829 ANDRE: To the Count's opening night in Chicago. 842 01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:07,275 To the closing night, may it never come. 843 01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:13,157 TODDY: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, Mr. Marchand? 844 01:20:13,240 --> 01:20:15,231 He will, whether you mind or not. 845 01:20:15,320 --> 01:20:17,595 I worry more about answers than questions. 846 01:20:17,680 --> 01:20:21,036 It's rather obvious that Mr. Bernstein is on hand to insure your... 847 01:20:21,120 --> 01:20:22,758 ...continued good health. 848 01:20:23,240 --> 01:20:24,798 That's not a question. 849 01:20:25,440 --> 01:20:27,431 Why is he sitting way over there? 850 01:20:27,640 --> 01:20:28,709 Strategic. 851 01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:32,589 TODDY: Broader field of vision, clearer field of fire. 852 01:20:32,680 --> 01:20:35,274 - You must have been in the army. - Once or twice. 853 01:20:35,800 --> 01:20:38,030 Do you mind if I join him? He looks so lonely. 854 01:20:38,120 --> 01:20:41,430 - No, I don't mind. - I promise not to inhibit his field of fire. 855 01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:43,988 ANDRE: Incorrigible. 856 01:20:46,280 --> 01:20:48,236 How long have you known Mr. Todd? 857 01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:50,878 A long time. 858 01:20:52,000 --> 01:20:54,070 May I ask you a personal question? 859 01:20:54,760 --> 01:20:56,193 A clever man once said: 860 01:20:56,280 --> 01:20:58,919 "It's not the questions I'm worried about. " 861 01:21:00,400 --> 01:21:01,958 What's the attraction? 862 01:21:04,480 --> 01:21:07,119 Would you believe me if I told you we were in love? 863 01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:08,030 No. 864 01:21:08,280 --> 01:21:11,238 Because homosexuality is unnatural and a sin? 865 01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:13,949 According to whom? 866 01:21:14,880 --> 01:21:18,839 Pious clergymen and terrified heterosexuals. 867 01:21:18,920 --> 01:21:20,194 Them. 868 01:21:21,480 --> 01:21:23,914 You're smiling, and I don't believe you. 869 01:21:24,360 --> 01:21:26,555 You're not smiling, and you should be. 870 01:21:26,640 --> 01:21:29,154 ANDRE: I think I better go wash my hands. Excuse me. 871 01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:36,035 Do you ever get the feeling sometimes that you're a sinking ship? 872 01:21:37,840 --> 01:21:40,479 - Constantly. - Now, there, you're smiling. 873 01:21:41,080 --> 01:21:42,911 You light up when you smile. 874 01:21:43,000 --> 01:21:44,558 That's a funny thing to say. 875 01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:47,234 - What do you mean? - I mean, one man to another. 876 01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:49,272 [Toddy laughing] 877 01:21:51,320 --> 01:21:54,710 It seems Toddy and Mr. Bernstein have found something in common. 878 01:21:56,720 --> 01:22:01,555 Cassell was telling me that Mr. Todd was the headliner at Chez Lui. 879 01:22:01,680 --> 01:22:02,954 You know Chez Lui? 880 01:22:03,040 --> 01:22:06,271 No, but I was thinking that we might drop by later... 881 01:22:06,360 --> 01:22:08,112 ...and you could educate me. 882 01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:10,636 I have the feeling that educating you... 883 01:22:10,720 --> 01:22:14,429 ...would be about as redundant as teaching a lion to like red meat. 884 01:22:16,400 --> 01:22:17,310 Cigar? 885 01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:32,354 May I? 886 01:22:33,280 --> 01:22:34,235 Please. 887 01:22:52,840 --> 01:22:53,875 Thank you. 888 01:22:54,160 --> 01:22:55,275 [Drum roll] 889 01:22:58,440 --> 01:23:00,635 [Seductive instrumental music] 890 01:23:40,840 --> 01:23:45,072 MAN: Regarde, c'est Victor. LABISSE: Toddy! What a pleasure! 891 01:23:45,160 --> 01:23:47,754 LABISSE: Come this way, please. MAN: Regarde, c'est Victor. 892 01:23:48,520 --> 01:23:52,479 LABISSE: I have a table for you. The best of course. This is a delight. 893 01:23:55,240 --> 01:23:56,753 WOMAN: It's Victor! 894 01:24:15,160 --> 01:24:17,310 LABISSE: Please, a bottle of champagne. 895 01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:19,076 Thank you. 896 01:24:19,160 --> 01:24:22,596 Take this bottle over to that table. They're very special guests. 897 01:24:54,600 --> 01:24:57,194 My friends! My friends! 898 01:24:57,520 --> 01:25:00,592 Tonight, I am happy and honored to have with us... 899 01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:03,399 ...one of the great entertainers of our time. 900 01:25:03,560 --> 01:25:06,313 The toast of Paris, Victor! 901 01:25:07,320 --> 01:25:08,912 [Crowd cheering] 902 01:25:09,760 --> 01:25:10,954 [Popping] 903 01:25:11,040 --> 01:25:12,393 [Screaming] 904 01:25:16,800 --> 01:25:18,995 Perhaps Victor... 905 01:25:19,200 --> 01:25:21,919 ...will honor us with a song. 906 01:25:22,480 --> 01:25:24,118 [Crowd cheering] 907 01:25:35,800 --> 01:25:37,950 Give us a G with your left hand, Sid. 908 01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:40,995 [Playing You And Me on piano] 909 01:25:44,840 --> 01:25:46,751 [Singing You And Me] 910 01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:14,911 Something I wanted to do all my life. 911 01:26:40,080 --> 01:26:41,149 - Me harmony. - Okay. 912 01:26:51,560 --> 01:26:53,596 Walk this way. 913 01:26:56,160 --> 01:26:59,311 - Taught him everything he knows. - That's why he has so little left. 914 01:26:59,400 --> 01:27:01,231 I'll get you for that. 915 01:27:01,440 --> 01:27:02,873 [Crowd laughing] 916 01:27:07,760 --> 01:27:09,273 Very difficult step. 917 01:27:09,640 --> 01:27:11,551 Such a fuss. 918 01:27:17,040 --> 01:27:19,952 - This way, please. - Sorry about that. 919 01:27:23,840 --> 01:27:27,913 - Well, that was fun. Now what do we do? - You got us into this, you get us out. 920 01:27:31,640 --> 01:27:33,471 - May I? - I'd be delighted. 921 01:27:38,360 --> 01:27:40,510 - You're leading again. - I'm sorry. 922 01:27:50,040 --> 01:27:52,315 MAN: Why do we have to come here? WOMAN: This is the place. 923 01:27:52,400 --> 01:27:55,073 WOMAN: Joe, don't argue with me. This is it. 924 01:27:55,440 --> 01:27:57,078 WOMAN: Shush, yourself! MAN: Waiter! 925 01:27:58,040 --> 01:27:59,951 What do we have to do? Just stand there? 926 01:28:00,040 --> 01:28:02,759 - Didn't you reserve a table? - Of course, I reserved a table. 927 01:28:02,840 --> 01:28:04,831 Let's sit down! Please! It's Victor! 928 01:28:04,920 --> 01:28:08,230 - I don't care if it's Noel frigging Coward! - Quiet! 929 01:28:09,640 --> 01:28:10,470 This way. 930 01:28:11,960 --> 01:28:13,313 [Screaming] 931 01:28:14,480 --> 01:28:15,674 My God! 932 01:28:16,240 --> 01:28:18,879 You rotten bastard! 933 01:28:19,880 --> 01:28:21,438 You get away from me! 934 01:28:22,480 --> 01:28:24,277 [Band starts playing] 935 01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:26,279 [Crowd yelling] 936 01:28:28,040 --> 01:28:30,679 WOMAN: No, no! Please! 937 01:28:37,120 --> 01:28:38,075 No. 938 01:28:38,760 --> 01:28:39,715 You! 939 01:28:40,720 --> 01:28:44,030 LABISSE: Everybody! This is a respectable place! 940 01:28:46,680 --> 01:28:47,635 Please! 941 01:29:00,840 --> 01:29:03,274 - I'm so sorry! - So am I! 942 01:29:12,360 --> 01:29:13,588 Stop, please! 943 01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:18,198 [Sings high note] 944 01:29:23,200 --> 01:29:24,952 Cockroach! 945 01:29:28,080 --> 01:29:29,593 [Siren wailing] 946 01:29:34,560 --> 01:29:36,676 [Yelling and chattering] 947 01:29:40,200 --> 01:29:42,236 [Police whistles blowing] 948 01:29:44,800 --> 01:29:46,756 [Yelling and chattering continues] 949 01:29:48,520 --> 01:29:50,476 [Police whistle blowing] 950 01:29:50,600 --> 01:29:52,795 [Policeman yelling in French] 951 01:30:03,480 --> 01:30:05,835 POLICEMAN: Halt! Halt! 952 01:30:23,720 --> 01:30:25,551 I don't care if you are a man. 953 01:30:32,040 --> 01:30:34,395 I am not a man. 954 01:30:36,760 --> 01:30:38,318 I still don't care. 955 01:30:44,920 --> 01:30:47,070 [Loud screaming and yelling] 956 01:30:57,320 --> 01:30:59,709 WAITER: Cockroach! Cockroach! 957 01:30:59,800 --> 01:31:01,950 I've never seen you before in my life. 958 01:31:04,520 --> 01:31:05,589 WAITER: Monsieur Labisse! 959 01:31:27,480 --> 01:31:28,799 [Moaning] 960 01:31:31,560 --> 01:31:32,879 [Screaming] 961 01:31:37,880 --> 01:31:40,030 Oh, my God! I'm sorry! I thought... 962 01:31:43,800 --> 01:31:45,199 I'm really sorry. 963 01:31:46,760 --> 01:31:49,433 Honestly, I'm sorry. 964 01:31:56,080 --> 01:31:58,594 Squash. 965 01:31:59,880 --> 01:32:02,678 Hey, Squash. Look, I know what you're thinking. 966 01:32:03,560 --> 01:32:04,754 SQUASH: No, you don't. 967 01:32:06,360 --> 01:32:08,954 In one fell swoop you've changed my whole life. 968 01:32:09,200 --> 01:32:11,031 It wasn't that kind of swoop. 969 01:32:12,640 --> 01:32:13,868 SQUASH: Listen, boss... 970 01:32:15,360 --> 01:32:18,432 ...if a guy like you has got the guts to admit he's gay... 971 01:32:21,880 --> 01:32:23,154 ...so can I. 972 01:32:28,760 --> 01:32:30,398 You've made me so happy. 973 01:32:42,960 --> 01:32:44,439 [Victoria chuckling] 974 01:32:46,040 --> 01:32:47,234 You know, I... 975 01:33:01,480 --> 01:33:03,550 - What's wrong? - Nothing, nothing. 976 01:33:05,280 --> 01:33:08,511 I'm finding this trip to Paris a little more... 977 01:33:09,680 --> 01:33:11,272 ...bizarre than usual. 978 01:33:13,760 --> 01:33:14,909 Thanks a lot. 979 01:33:17,120 --> 01:33:20,874 - Not you. No, not you. - Why not me? 980 01:33:20,960 --> 01:33:23,997 I mean, a woman pretending to be man pretending to be- 981 01:33:24,080 --> 01:33:26,548 - Well, you can stop pretending. - And do what? 982 01:33:26,640 --> 01:33:27,755 Be yourself. 983 01:33:28,440 --> 01:33:29,714 And what's that? 984 01:33:29,800 --> 01:33:32,439 What do you mean? You're a woman in love with a man. 985 01:33:32,520 --> 01:33:35,592 - Yes. - Are we communicating? 986 01:33:36,680 --> 01:33:39,956 You said, "A woman in love with a man," but you didn't finish. 987 01:33:40,160 --> 01:33:41,957 Okay. What's the finish? 988 01:33:43,120 --> 01:33:46,635 A woman in love with a man, pretending to be a man- 989 01:33:46,720 --> 01:33:48,915 I said, "You can stop pretending. " 990 01:33:49,160 --> 01:33:51,355 But, you see, I don't think I want to. 991 01:33:53,000 --> 01:33:55,355 I'm a big star now. I'm a success. 992 01:33:55,760 --> 01:33:56,715 Oh, that. 993 01:33:58,480 --> 01:33:59,879 And something more. 994 01:34:00,680 --> 01:34:03,558 I find it all really fascinating. 995 01:34:05,480 --> 01:34:07,755 There are things available to me as a man... 996 01:34:07,840 --> 01:34:10,035 ...that I could never have as a woman. 997 01:34:10,920 --> 01:34:13,309 - I'm emancipated. - Emancipated? 998 01:34:13,600 --> 01:34:16,512 Well, I'm my own man, so to speak. 999 01:34:17,120 --> 01:34:19,156 You should be able to relate to that. 1000 01:34:19,240 --> 01:34:22,755 To be honest with you, I'm having trouble relating to anything. 1001 01:34:26,480 --> 01:34:30,109 If we'll have any kind of future together it's important that you understand. 1002 01:34:30,440 --> 01:34:32,192 I want to understand. 1003 01:34:32,280 --> 01:34:35,033 Would it be fair for me to ask you to give up your job? 1004 01:34:35,120 --> 01:34:38,476 - It'd be ridiculous. - But you expect me to give up mine. 1005 01:34:38,640 --> 01:34:42,428 - There's a difference, for Christ's sake! - Right, but there shouldn't be. 1006 01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:45,712 Well, look, I'm not the one pretending to be someone else. 1007 01:34:45,800 --> 01:34:47,756 Let's put the shoe on the other foot. 1008 01:34:47,840 --> 01:34:51,913 Let's say that you're a man, and I'm a woman pretending to be a man. 1009 01:34:53,640 --> 01:34:56,552 I think it would depend a lot on why you were pretending. 1010 01:34:56,640 --> 01:34:58,995 You said, it's important that I understand. 1011 01:34:59,080 --> 01:35:01,275 - It's important that you understand, too. - Sure. 1012 01:35:01,360 --> 01:35:03,032 Love is a two-way street. 1013 01:35:03,920 --> 01:35:06,992 - Why did I say that? - I don't know, but what's your point? 1014 01:35:07,880 --> 01:35:11,031 You said, if we were going to have any kind of future... 1015 01:35:11,120 --> 01:35:13,270 Well, what do you mean by future? 1016 01:35:13,680 --> 01:35:15,591 - We'll live together? - Possibly. 1017 01:35:15,720 --> 01:35:17,756 - Sleep together? - Hopefully. 1018 01:35:17,880 --> 01:35:19,552 While you keep on working? 1019 01:35:20,400 --> 01:35:22,516 - Yes. - Pretending to be a man. 1020 01:35:24,200 --> 01:35:26,316 If I didn't, I wouldn't have a job. 1021 01:35:26,440 --> 01:35:30,752 And while we're living and sleeping together, what's everybody going to think? 1022 01:35:30,840 --> 01:35:34,037 I guess they'll think that you're living and sleeping with a man. 1023 01:35:34,120 --> 01:35:37,078 - How do you feel about that? - They'll think the same about me! 1024 01:35:37,160 --> 01:35:39,116 - But you're a woman. - They don't know. 1025 01:35:39,200 --> 01:35:39,677 You do. 1026 01:35:39,760 --> 01:35:42,672 And you know you're a man! I don't see the difference. 1027 01:35:42,760 --> 01:35:44,591 We'll be living a damned lie. 1028 01:35:47,040 --> 01:35:50,112 I don't think that's what's really bothering you. 1029 01:35:51,040 --> 01:35:55,113 Well, if you think I'm worried about everybody thinking I'm a fag, you're right. 1030 01:35:56,840 --> 01:35:58,273 So, we have a problem. 1031 01:35:59,080 --> 01:36:00,399 I guess we have. 1032 01:36:06,760 --> 01:36:08,796 Well, it's probably for the best. 1033 01:36:09,680 --> 01:36:12,194 That's as bad as, "Love is a two-way street. " 1034 01:36:14,000 --> 01:36:18,437 What it lacks in originality, it makes up for in prophecy. 1035 01:36:20,680 --> 01:36:23,353 Eventually, I'd ask you to stop being a gangster... 1036 01:36:23,440 --> 01:36:26,989 ...because I was worried about everyone thinking I was your moll. 1037 01:36:27,080 --> 01:36:28,513 KING: I am not a gangster. 1038 01:36:29,640 --> 01:36:31,392 Just a businessman with a bodyguard. 1039 01:36:31,480 --> 01:36:33,835 A businessman who does business with gangsters... 1040 01:36:33,920 --> 01:36:36,753 ...and doesn't have a bodyguard is soon out of business. 1041 01:36:36,840 --> 01:36:39,274 A businessman who does business with gangsters... 1042 01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:42,989 ...and pretends he's not a gangster sounds like the kind of act I do. 1043 01:36:44,840 --> 01:36:46,717 I think we're both pretenders. 1044 01:36:47,640 --> 01:36:50,438 And that's not a very good basis for a relationship. 1045 01:37:00,200 --> 01:37:02,111 But it was fun while it lasted. 1046 01:37:16,680 --> 01:37:19,069 [Melancholic instrumental music] 1047 01:37:28,920 --> 01:37:31,434 TODDY: Have a nice evening? VICTORIA: Up to a point. 1048 01:37:32,440 --> 01:37:33,555 What happened to you? 1049 01:37:33,640 --> 01:37:35,995 TODDY: Nothing much. We were all arrested. 1050 01:37:36,200 --> 01:37:38,589 Andr� called his lawyer, who bailed us out. 1051 01:37:42,760 --> 01:37:44,512 You remember Mr. Bernstein. 1052 01:37:44,680 --> 01:37:45,999 Count Grazinski. 1053 01:37:48,160 --> 01:37:49,354 Mr. Bernstein. 1054 01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:53,314 - Squash. - Yeah. 1055 01:37:53,400 --> 01:37:56,358 - Can I ask you a personal question? - Go ahead. 1056 01:37:58,760 --> 01:38:02,958 How long... Exactly when did you know about... 1057 01:38:03,160 --> 01:38:04,718 When did I know I was gay? 1058 01:38:04,800 --> 01:38:07,234 God, I can't remember when I wasn't. 1059 01:38:07,480 --> 01:38:09,198 I've known you for 15 years! 1060 01:38:09,320 --> 01:38:12,232 Well, you know a lot of guys, boss. You'd be surprised. 1061 01:38:12,880 --> 01:38:14,552 You were an all-American. 1062 01:38:14,720 --> 01:38:19,555 I never saw a meaner, rougher, tougher, son-of-a-bitch football player in all my life. 1063 01:38:20,200 --> 01:38:23,237 Listen, if you didn't want the guys to call you queer... 1064 01:38:23,320 --> 01:38:26,630 ...you became a rough, tough, son-of-a-bitching football player. 1065 01:38:30,600 --> 01:38:32,875 Why don't you watch where you're going? 1066 01:38:33,240 --> 01:38:36,152 [Men speaking in French] 1067 01:38:37,320 --> 01:38:40,278 He says it was your fault, and suggests that you apologize. 1068 01:38:40,360 --> 01:38:41,429 - He does? - Come on. 1069 01:38:41,520 --> 01:38:45,035 No, no, no. Will you tell him, if he'd like an apology... 1070 01:38:45,760 --> 01:38:49,150 ...he can just get him some gloves and I'll see him in the ring? 1071 01:38:49,360 --> 01:38:51,078 [Speaking in French] 1072 01:38:53,720 --> 01:38:56,280 Just give him 10 minutes. He'll be delighted to oblige. 1073 01:38:56,360 --> 01:38:57,475 Oh, he will? 1074 01:39:00,040 --> 01:39:03,510 "He'd be delighted to oblige"! Who the hell does he think he is? 1075 01:39:03,600 --> 01:39:06,512 Guy Langois, the French middleweight boxing champion. 1076 01:39:07,120 --> 01:39:10,112 But don't worry. He's gay. 1077 01:39:12,320 --> 01:39:14,754 [Singing The Shady Dame Of Seville] 1078 01:39:39,280 --> 01:39:40,998 [Crowd cheering] 1079 01:39:51,240 --> 01:39:52,832 - Mr. Bernstein. - Count. 1080 01:40:01,000 --> 01:40:03,195 I think we should try living together. 1081 01:40:04,560 --> 01:40:05,959 Your place or mine? 1082 01:40:14,240 --> 01:40:15,832 BOVIN: Monsieur Labisse? LABISSE: Yes. 1083 01:40:25,800 --> 01:40:30,191 You called. I am Charles Bovin, private investigator. 1084 01:40:30,440 --> 01:40:33,750 Good. There is something I want you to find out for me. 1085 01:40:34,600 --> 01:40:36,989 - At your service. - Be careful. 1086 01:40:37,600 --> 01:40:39,716 Monsieur, I am always careful. 1087 01:40:40,200 --> 01:40:41,838 That stool is broken. 1088 01:40:42,680 --> 01:40:43,715 It is? 1089 01:40:45,680 --> 01:40:46,999 VICTORIA: Penny? 1090 01:40:47,600 --> 01:40:52,310 KING: Oh, nothing. There are a lot of things, I guess. 1091 01:40:57,240 --> 01:40:58,753 VICTORIA: I want to make a deal. 1092 01:41:00,840 --> 01:41:04,435 No secrets, no grudge collecting. 1093 01:41:06,760 --> 01:41:09,149 If something bothers us, we say so, okay? 1094 01:41:09,640 --> 01:41:10,516 Okay. 1095 01:41:11,960 --> 01:41:13,916 And we don't plan past tomorrow. 1096 01:41:14,560 --> 01:41:17,154 Just take it a day at a time. 1097 01:41:20,200 --> 01:41:21,269 Deal. 1098 01:41:32,600 --> 01:41:34,670 [Piano playing Crazy World] 1099 01:41:42,200 --> 01:41:43,997 [Singing Crazy World] 1100 01:43:54,560 --> 01:43:56,869 [Crowd cheering and applauding] 1101 01:44:33,720 --> 01:44:35,312 [Crowd laughing] 1102 01:44:44,960 --> 01:44:46,552 [Crowd cheering] 1103 01:44:47,720 --> 01:44:50,280 He's got a good right-hand. He doesn't use it. 1104 01:44:51,120 --> 01:44:55,750 There's the right! The right, I told you. I told you. He's got him. 1105 01:44:56,920 --> 01:44:59,229 Hook him! Hook him! 1106 01:45:01,120 --> 01:45:02,109 Yes! 1107 01:45:02,600 --> 01:45:03,919 All right! All right! 1108 01:45:07,240 --> 01:45:09,117 [Woman singing opera] 1109 01:45:53,640 --> 01:45:55,278 [Thunder rumbling] 1110 01:46:29,000 --> 01:46:30,433 Is something wrong? 1111 01:46:33,440 --> 01:46:36,716 We've had dinner in the hotel every night for a week now. 1112 01:46:36,840 --> 01:46:39,559 KING: When we go out after the show you're usually so tired... 1113 01:46:39,640 --> 01:46:43,952 ...you spend the next day sleeping. This way we go to bed reasonably early... 1114 01:46:44,040 --> 01:46:46,600 ...and get to spend a few afternoons together. 1115 01:46:49,920 --> 01:46:52,514 - Do you know what I'd really love to do? - What? 1116 01:46:53,720 --> 01:46:57,429 Skip a few afternoons and go dancing. 1117 01:46:58,920 --> 01:46:59,716 Dancing? 1118 01:47:04,040 --> 01:47:06,349 [Slow, romantic instrumental music] 1119 01:47:41,200 --> 01:47:42,428 Let's go. 1120 01:47:56,200 --> 01:47:58,191 Take her back to the hotel. See you later. 1121 01:47:58,280 --> 01:48:00,794 - Boss. - Just do what I tell you, okay? 1122 01:48:00,880 --> 01:48:02,552 I'll be all right. Go on. 1123 01:48:18,280 --> 01:48:20,032 I just wanted to go dancing. 1124 01:48:21,480 --> 01:48:26,508 If two guys wanted to go dancing together they'd be a little unorthodox at the Ritz. 1125 01:48:29,480 --> 01:48:32,517 I guess the problem is we're not really two guys. 1126 01:48:35,600 --> 01:48:37,636 I guess that is the problem. 1127 01:48:41,760 --> 01:48:43,876 [Rowdy singing and chatter] 1128 01:48:46,760 --> 01:48:48,352 KING: Stop. Driver, back up. 1129 01:49:04,800 --> 01:49:07,030 [Prostitute speaking French] 1130 01:49:08,360 --> 01:49:09,873 [Rowdy singing] 1131 01:49:14,200 --> 01:49:15,474 [Crowd silent] 1132 01:49:43,320 --> 01:49:44,275 Milk. 1133 01:49:49,360 --> 01:49:51,669 OLD MAN: Cow's milk, monsieur, or mother's milk? 1134 01:49:57,440 --> 01:49:59,158 How about your sister's? 1135 01:50:13,280 --> 01:50:14,235 KING: Oh, shit! 1136 01:50:16,040 --> 01:50:17,519 [Crowd moaning] 1137 01:50:26,760 --> 01:50:28,318 [Door unlocking] 1138 01:50:29,040 --> 01:50:31,429 [Melancholic instrumental music] 1139 01:50:38,640 --> 01:50:39,834 You're early. 1140 01:50:41,760 --> 01:50:43,716 Seems like I'm a bachelor again. 1141 01:50:44,920 --> 01:50:46,273 It's just as well. 1142 01:50:46,800 --> 01:50:50,349 Mr. Bernstein was beginning to make a permanent dent in the mattress. 1143 01:50:52,840 --> 01:50:54,159 VICTORIA: Oh, Toddy. 1144 01:50:55,800 --> 01:50:58,598 I am very much in love and I don't know what to do. 1145 01:50:59,440 --> 01:51:03,194 Here. I can't stand to see a grown man cry. 1146 01:51:03,280 --> 01:51:04,952 [Victoria chuckles] 1147 01:51:09,680 --> 01:51:11,398 [Victoria sobbing] 1148 01:51:15,800 --> 01:51:17,950 [King singing Sweet Adeline] 1149 01:51:18,880 --> 01:51:20,552 [Men joining in] 1150 01:51:29,840 --> 01:51:30,909 KING: You got it. 1151 01:51:44,040 --> 01:51:45,917 SQUASH: You're real lucky, boss. KING: Lucky? 1152 01:51:46,000 --> 01:51:48,116 SQUASH: You're lucky you didn't break anything. 1153 01:51:48,200 --> 01:51:51,078 KING: I couldn't feel any worse if I broke everything. 1154 01:51:54,040 --> 01:51:56,076 Have you seen so many bruises? 1155 01:51:57,640 --> 01:51:59,870 SQUASH: On a whole football team. 1156 01:52:00,800 --> 01:52:03,758 I feel like I spent the night in a cement mixer. 1157 01:52:13,160 --> 01:52:14,354 Hello, faggot. 1158 01:52:15,560 --> 01:52:18,518 I knew things were going too good to last. 1159 01:52:19,400 --> 01:52:20,515 Hold it. 1160 01:52:21,040 --> 01:52:22,553 Now, head up. 1161 01:52:23,000 --> 01:52:24,194 Just a touch. 1162 01:52:25,080 --> 01:52:27,913 - Victor doesn't look very well. - It's nothing serious. 1163 01:52:28,000 --> 01:52:31,276 A few nights on his back under a specialist and he'll be like new. 1164 01:52:31,360 --> 01:52:33,032 ANDRE: Good. PHOTOGRAPHER: Victor, darling... 1165 01:52:33,320 --> 01:52:37,154 ...do you think you could possibly manage to look a little less funereal? 1166 01:52:39,000 --> 01:52:40,228 Ren�, darling. 1167 01:52:40,480 --> 01:52:43,153 - Yes? - Why don't you go suck an egg? 1168 01:52:44,400 --> 01:52:47,836 TODDY: I do wish you'd think about it. VICTORIA: I have thought about it. 1169 01:52:47,920 --> 01:52:51,071 For the past two weeks, I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. 1170 01:52:51,400 --> 01:52:55,552 For the seven hours I couldn't sleep last night, I thought about it constantly. 1171 01:52:56,800 --> 01:52:59,598 I've come to the conclusion that it's just not worth it. 1172 01:52:59,680 --> 01:53:01,910 I am extremely unhappy and I don't have to be... 1173 01:53:02,000 --> 01:53:04,070 ...because there is an alternative. 1174 01:53:04,960 --> 01:53:08,077 Tonight will be Count Victor Grazinski's final performance. 1175 01:53:08,480 --> 01:53:12,314 And tomorrow I'll announce to the world that I am really Victoria Grant... 1176 01:53:12,520 --> 01:53:15,353 ...who may be lucky enough to celebrate her womanhood... 1177 01:53:15,440 --> 01:53:17,078 ...as Mrs. King Marchand. 1178 01:53:21,200 --> 01:53:22,269 Well? 1179 01:53:22,840 --> 01:53:25,718 "Well," what? You've made up your mind. 1180 01:53:28,200 --> 01:53:29,633 I want your blessing. 1181 01:53:29,720 --> 01:53:31,278 [Doorbell buzzing] 1182 01:53:31,360 --> 01:53:33,112 Can I answer the door first? 1183 01:53:40,520 --> 01:53:42,636 - There's a bit of a problem. - Welcome. 1184 01:53:42,720 --> 01:53:44,119 What's wrong? 1185 01:53:44,200 --> 01:53:47,875 King's partner, Sal Andratti, showed up with a couple of his torpedoes. 1186 01:53:49,760 --> 01:53:52,991 Sal put up the money for the club, but the Mob doesn't consider... 1187 01:53:53,080 --> 01:53:55,594 ...homosexuality an acceptable lifestyle. 1188 01:53:55,920 --> 01:53:57,797 Kill him, but mustn't kiss him. 1189 01:54:11,640 --> 01:54:14,837 VICTORIA: Let's go, Mr. Bernstein. TODDY: Let's go, Mr. Bernstein. 1190 01:54:21,040 --> 01:54:22,439 [Moaning] 1191 01:54:27,720 --> 01:54:32,236 - Your lawyer looked. Says it's okay. - That's reassuring. How is my lawyer? 1192 01:54:32,760 --> 01:54:34,113 Picture of health. 1193 01:54:34,440 --> 01:54:36,351 Lipstick and a nightgown? 1194 01:54:37,440 --> 01:54:39,715 What, do you take turns being the girl? 1195 01:54:40,160 --> 01:54:41,798 That is disgusting! 1196 01:54:42,080 --> 01:54:43,718 I know. It's awful! 1197 01:54:46,440 --> 01:54:49,193 Jesus, King, a guy like you? We grew up together. 1198 01:54:49,440 --> 01:54:51,954 Yeah, it probably had something to do with it. 1199 01:54:57,920 --> 01:55:00,832 Come on, Sal, you know my half is worth 10 times that much. 1200 01:55:00,920 --> 01:55:02,433 Sign the paper. 1201 01:55:19,560 --> 01:55:20,834 Hello, darling. 1202 01:55:22,480 --> 01:55:24,471 - Hi, Sal. - Who the hell are you? 1203 01:55:24,560 --> 01:55:27,199 Just remember your blood pressure, Nummy. 1204 01:55:27,680 --> 01:55:30,114 - This is the Count, and this is- - "Nummy"? 1205 01:55:30,880 --> 01:55:32,359 This is Mr. Toddy. 1206 01:55:33,400 --> 01:55:36,836 They were lovers before Pooky showed up. 1207 01:55:37,080 --> 01:55:38,991 - That's disgusting! - They're perverted. 1208 01:55:39,080 --> 01:55:40,877 "Pooky"? Could I have a word with you? 1209 01:55:40,960 --> 01:55:43,190 - What do you need? - It'll change your life. 1210 01:55:43,280 --> 01:55:46,590 NORMA: Sal! Get this- SQUASH: Freeze! 1211 01:55:51,800 --> 01:55:54,394 What's... What are you doing? 1212 01:55:58,320 --> 01:55:59,469 Oh, my God! 1213 01:56:01,440 --> 01:56:04,671 What are you... Oh, God! 1214 01:56:05,120 --> 01:56:06,917 What is happening here? 1215 01:56:08,960 --> 01:56:10,075 Wait! 1216 01:56:13,800 --> 01:56:14,994 Lock the door. 1217 01:56:16,640 --> 01:56:18,278 What's going on in there? 1218 01:56:18,840 --> 01:56:21,274 You know, you guys are in a lot of trouble. 1219 01:56:21,360 --> 01:56:22,918 [Norma screaming] 1220 01:56:24,600 --> 01:56:28,752 You two-timing son of a bitch! He's a woman! 1221 01:56:29,200 --> 01:56:31,191 [Fast-paced instrumental music] 1222 01:56:54,960 --> 01:56:58,748 Labisse is on his way here with the police. He claims you are not a man. 1223 01:57:00,920 --> 01:57:02,114 INSPECTOR: Stay there. 1224 01:57:10,960 --> 01:57:13,474 - Yes? - I am Inspector Bernheim. 1225 01:57:13,800 --> 01:57:15,472 - Yes? - Stand aside. 1226 01:57:15,680 --> 01:57:17,989 I know all about your Count Grazinski. 1227 01:57:18,280 --> 01:57:21,033 And when the Inspector has exposed the imposter- 1228 01:57:21,120 --> 01:57:21,870 "Imposter"? 1229 01:57:21,960 --> 01:57:26,272 Yes, imposter. You will all be arrested for perpetrating a public fraud! 1230 01:57:28,000 --> 01:57:29,319 Please, Inspector. 1231 01:57:45,480 --> 01:57:46,435 Well? 1232 01:57:46,840 --> 01:57:47,795 - Idiot! - What? 1233 01:57:47,880 --> 01:57:49,598 - That's a man. - It can't be. 1234 01:57:49,680 --> 01:57:53,593 When I walked in, the person in the room was naked from the waist down. 1235 01:57:53,680 --> 01:57:57,912 And if that was a woman, she was wearing the greatest disguise I've seen. 1236 01:57:58,000 --> 01:57:59,638 Wait. There's something wrong. 1237 01:57:59,720 --> 01:58:02,712 It can't be. I hired a private detective and... 1238 01:58:04,320 --> 01:58:05,196 Hurry. 1239 01:58:44,880 --> 01:58:46,199 EMCEE: Ladies and gentlemen... 1240 01:58:46,280 --> 01:58:49,670 ...once again, the nightclub is proud to present the one... 1241 01:58:50,160 --> 01:58:52,674 ...the only Victoria! 1242 01:59:02,640 --> 01:59:05,279 [Playing The Shady Dame From Seville] 1243 01:59:21,160 --> 01:59:23,196 [Man laughing hysterically] 1244 01:59:26,040 --> 01:59:28,600 [Singing The Shady Dame From Seville] 1245 02:00:05,760 --> 02:00:07,318 [Audience laughing] 1246 02:00:36,280 --> 02:00:38,077 [Audience laughing] 1247 02:00:57,000 --> 02:00:59,673 Monsieur Labisse, my bill. 1248 02:01:20,920 --> 02:01:22,114 TODDY: Oh, God! 1249 02:01:28,840 --> 02:01:30,512 TODDY: Where the hell am I? 1250 02:01:40,760 --> 02:01:41,988 TODDY: You beast! 1251 02:02:24,360 --> 02:02:25,793 Some hit show. 1252 02:02:32,880 --> 02:02:33,949 TODDY: Is that it? 1253 02:02:50,680 --> 02:02:52,511 [Audience laughing] 1254 02:03:08,240 --> 02:03:09,593 You bitches. 1255 02:03:27,880 --> 02:03:28,995 MAN: Bravo! 1256 02:03:40,280 --> 02:03:41,395 Bravo! 1257 02:03:48,400 --> 02:03:49,753 Bravo! 1258 02:03:56,520 --> 02:03:57,635 Bravo! 1259 02:04:05,000 --> 02:04:06,479 You were marvelous! 1260 02:04:07,360 --> 02:04:09,715 And I never want to see any of you again. 1261 02:04:12,040 --> 02:04:15,715 I might as well. They're the last roses I'll ever see. 1262 02:04:20,440 --> 02:04:21,475 Vous. 1263 02:04:29,520 --> 02:04:31,909 [Victor Victoria theme music] 1264 02:07:11,080 --> 02:07:13,355 [Swinging jazz music] 1265 02:07:43,920 --> 02:07:46,912 English SDH subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER