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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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Why wouldn't we
bring up the first amendment?
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We have to stick to the constitution.
That is what made this country.
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Don't die.
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Come on, photosynthesis.
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- That's a nice dress.
- Oh. Thank you.
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- I like your jacket.
- Thanks.
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- I hope our flight's on time.
- Oh, it is. See?
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This airline has an excellent
arrival-departure record.
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Um, I Googled it.
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And, um, it has a 98...
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No 96,
no 98 percent approval...
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online user
approval rating.
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Which is very incredibly
high, obviously.
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Um, and Rancho Cucamonga
Mary sent me three,
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who I trust implicitly,
was very effusive about it.
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- Yeah.
- And you get a snack.
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Great.
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- I'm sorry, what was that?
- What?
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You just took
a step forward there.
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- I didn't.
- Yeah, you did. You know you did.
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- I didn't realize.
- Oh, I see.
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I beg your pardon?
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- I s-see what you did. I know what you did. It's...
- What did I do?
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You came up alongside me, you know, with
your jacket and your face and charm,
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and you just, you know, talked to
me for a strategic amount of time,
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established your position,
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and then just casually, blatantly
stepped in front of me.
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Like I had
some sort of amnesia
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and couldn't remember 15 seconds in
the past when you were behind me.
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Untrue.
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Oh my... You just
did it again.
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This is like watching a
master at work in his dojo.
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- I mean...
- Here's what happened.
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I came to my gate, hoping
my flight was on time.
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I then attempted to start
a pleasant conversation,
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whereupon you revealed the tip of
the iceberg of your tendencies,
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and I was forced to take a step
forward to escape the vortex.
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Oh, my God.
Oh... Again! Oh!
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And now you're casting me as the author
of a Byzantine conspiracy theory
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of a Machiavellian land grab
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designed to usurp your position on
an aircraft that has eight seats.
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You know what? Okay.
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That's cra... If I'm wrong, just step in
back of me instead of in front of me.
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No, because that would mean
going past you again.
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I see. You know what?
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Five years ago, I would have said
something trite like, "Chivalry is dead."
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But this is worse
than unchivalrous.
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This is... You are
part and parcel of a world
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that no longer has any
idea how to behave itself.
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In fact, I draw a straight
line between people like you
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to investment bankers to
politicians to terrorists.
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You basically all have the same contempt
for decency and rules and any manners.
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And what's funny is there's
no way you can board first
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because the only way you could board
first is if you had a special need.
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Do you have
a special need?
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Yes, I need
to be over there.
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Fucker.
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- Fantastic.
- Wonderful.
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- Anybody want to trade seats?
- You're ridiculous.
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Anybody?
It's great back here.
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You've got
to be kidding me.
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Jesus.
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What brings you
to San Luis Obispo?
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- You don't have to.
- What?
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Talk. Honestly, I'd be
happier if you didn't.
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Fine.
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Dear God.
Tear it at the notch.
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There is no notch.
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- Give it to me.
- I'm not giving you...
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Give it to me.
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This one does not appear
to have a working notch.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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All that...
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Thank you.
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I'm actually
going to Paso Robles.
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They call it Paso "Roables."
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Well, the correct
pronunciation is Robles.
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But they call it "Roables."
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- Whatever.
- I hope it's a big place.
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It isn't.
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If I see you at a restaurant,
I'll go to another restaurant.
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I'm not going to be
in any restaurants.
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Why? Are you checking
into a mental institution?
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I'm going to that most presumptuous
of all things, a destination wedding.
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Please don't tell me
it's Keith and Anne's.
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How many weddings
can there possibly be
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on any given day
in Paso Robles?
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I was praying for two.
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And I was blaming Satan
for my seat assignment
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when it was actually
just Keith's assistant.
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And how do you know
the esteemed Keith?
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I was engaged to him
six years ago.
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- Oh, my God, you're Lindsay.
- Why, how do you know him?
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He and I have
the same mother.
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Holy shit,
you're Frank?
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Oh, you're even worse
than he said.
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You too.
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Oh, my God.
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Serious...
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- There was supposed to be a car.
- Our flight was early.
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Really?
It seemed so long.
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Attention, passengers,
increased security measures
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require all passengers
to maintain
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close personal contact
with your bags at all times.
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So how much do you know about what
happened between me and Keith?
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I know that he broke off your engagement
five weeks before the wedding.
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And now I know why.
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He said some shit
about you, boy.
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- Like what?
- Doesn't matter.
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Don't do that, don't dangle an injurious
tidbit and then snatch it away.
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Or what, I'll die alone?
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Keith is a panhandling
piece of garbage,
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and you're better off
without him.
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Which is saying something,
considering how bad off you are.
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Just pity the bride,
whoever she is.
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- You haven't met her?
- Just like I never met you.
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00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:22,695
I stay as far away
from Keith as I can.
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My mother insisted I turn up for this shit show,
otherwise, I wouldn't be meeting you now.
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Isn't that nice
to think about?
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She said it's important to show
up because if you show up,
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the worst they can say is you're
horrendous, which is subjective.
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But not showing up
is objective.
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00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,045
Well, you showed up.
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Why would you come
to his wedding?
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He broke your heart,
as I recall.
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Shattered, yes.
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Didn't you wind up
suing him?
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00:10:44,986 --> 00:10:47,153
Well, I needed to lash out.
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Plus he cost my parents
$32,000 in deposits.
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- Did you win?
- There was a settlement.
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00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,094
Did you feel better?
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00:10:54,096 --> 00:10:57,197
Look, I came
because he invited me.
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00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,999
He only invited you because he
wanted to act like a big person,
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00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:03,036
not because he, in any way,
wanted you to come.
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00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:07,941
You think I wanted to come? I'm
just trying to be the big person.
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00:11:07,943 --> 00:11:11,079
See, this only works if one of
you actually is a big person.
139
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,914
Well, also, I need closure.
140
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:17,917
You don't have closure?
It was six years ago.
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00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:20,887
Do I strike you as someone
who has closure?
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00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,289
He's marrying someone else.
That's closure.
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00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,724
It's closed.
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00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,894
Closed is not
the same thing as closure.
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00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:39,975
Any chance
they sent two cars?
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00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:12,005
So, what do you do, Frank?
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00:12:12,007 --> 00:12:15,341
That is, when you're not shining
your light upon the world.
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00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,777
I run marketing
for J.D. Power and Associates.
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00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,480
The "Car of the Year" people?
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00:12:19,482 --> 00:12:21,281
No, that's a magazine.
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00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,450
I bought one of your cars of the year.
It was a piece of crap.
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00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,919
Again, a magazine.
Common error.
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00:12:25,921 --> 00:12:27,488
Is that the career
you dreamed of?
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00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:30,156
Handing out awards
by the fistful?
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00:12:30,158 --> 00:12:33,092
Hugely successful company,
extremely well-respected.
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00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:36,796
It's corporate brownnosing
on a national scale.
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00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,065
International.
And don't sleep on awards.
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00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:41,134
Our country lives
on self-congratulation.
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00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,268
Let me ask you this.
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00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,137
Has there ever been a car
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that wasn't a J.D. Power
and Associates Car of the Year?
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00:12:47,108 --> 00:12:49,476
We don't do "Car of the
Year." That's a magazine.
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00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,311
I've seen those
Lucite trophies.
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00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,082
They're on every car commercial
for every car, ever.
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00:12:58,186 --> 00:13:00,554
What do you do anyway?
166
00:13:00,556 --> 00:13:03,557
I prosecute companies
and institutions
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00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,194
for culturally insensitive
actions or speech.
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00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:10,464
You're the politically
correct police.
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00:13:10,466 --> 00:13:12,131
No.
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00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:14,334
You parse what people say and
do, and then accuse them
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00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,870
of being racist or misogynist
or otherwise horrible.
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00:13:17,872 --> 00:13:20,006
You destroy lives
and reputations for money.
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00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,808
No.
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00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:24,212
Is that what you dreamed of?
A career in reverse fascism?
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00:13:27,048 --> 00:13:28,517
I can't remember dreaming.
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Wrong!
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00:15:06,482 --> 00:15:08,551
I thought this was my closet.
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Are you expecting
a response of some kind?
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00:15:14,356 --> 00:15:16,022
No.
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00:15:16,024 --> 00:15:20,026
Uh, I see now that there
is a bolt on the door.
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00:15:20,028 --> 00:15:21,928
So, we should use it.
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00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:23,231
Yep.
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00:16:09,244 --> 00:16:11,678
- How's your room?
- I'm just sleeping there.
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00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,346
How's yours?
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00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,048
I'll let you know after I run
a UV light over the sheets.
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00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:17,651
We really shouldn't
speak anymore.
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00:16:17,653 --> 00:16:19,352
If you think that's best.
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00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,187
Do you think Keith
is trying to fix us up?
189
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,456
Even he is smarter
than that.
190
00:16:22,458 --> 00:16:25,526
I don't know.
I mean, same flight.
191
00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:27,661
Seated next to each other
on the plane.
192
00:16:27,663 --> 00:16:30,163
Adjoining rooms.
Seated next to each other here.
193
00:16:30,165 --> 00:16:32,533
You think that's
all just coincidence?
194
00:16:32,535 --> 00:16:36,002
Keith has never had a thought
about another human being.
195
00:16:36,004 --> 00:16:39,205
So we're just the people
you don't know where to stick?
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00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,307
Might as well
just stick us together.
197
00:16:41,309 --> 00:16:43,610
I don't want to be a person
you don't know where to stick.
198
00:16:43,612 --> 00:16:46,345
That is not the life
I imagined for myself.
199
00:16:46,347 --> 00:16:49,550
I'm sure your next life
will be better.
200
00:16:49,552 --> 00:16:53,386
Welp, here we go.
201
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:54,455
So that's her.
202
00:16:54,457 --> 00:16:56,024
Yep.
203
00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:59,593
She is a tall glass
of hemlock.
204
00:16:59,595 --> 00:17:01,528
- She's Danish.
- Dutch, I thought.
205
00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:03,029
Danish.
From Denmark.
206
00:17:03,031 --> 00:17:04,765
I know where
Danish are from.
207
00:17:04,767 --> 00:17:06,533
He looks the same
as he used to.
208
00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:08,167
Plastic people don't age.
209
00:17:08,169 --> 00:17:09,736
Well, I was hoping he had.
210
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:14,608
I was hoping he'd be less attractive
or on his way to obesity.
211
00:17:14,610 --> 00:17:17,446
Is this the first time you've seen
him since the crushing ending?
212
00:17:18,814 --> 00:17:20,481
- Is it bad?
- Yep.
213
00:17:20,483 --> 00:17:22,718
- As bad as you feared?
- Yeah. Worse.
214
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:29,723
- How can this be the way the species is set up?
- I'm sorry?
215
00:17:29,725 --> 00:17:32,826
How can we be allowed
to feel so much for people
216
00:17:32,828 --> 00:17:35,261
who don't feel
anything for us?
217
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:38,231
You're assuming that you're
normal, which is hilarious.
218
00:17:38,233 --> 00:17:41,400
- It's incredibly cruel.
- Well, look at it this way.
219
00:17:41,402 --> 00:17:44,671
For a time, you carved out a place in his life
when there really shouldn't have been one.
220
00:17:44,673 --> 00:17:46,339
That makes me a dipshit.
221
00:17:46,341 --> 00:17:48,642
I agree.
I was just humoring you.
222
00:17:48,644 --> 00:17:50,444
The truth is,
from puberty on in,
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00:17:50,446 --> 00:17:52,746
we should all just
be playing defense.
224
00:17:52,748 --> 00:17:55,250
- "On in"? On in to what?
- Death.
225
00:17:57,318 --> 00:17:58,785
- Oh, God.
- Officer on deck.
226
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,187
- So you got to know Mom.
- Plenty well enough.
227
00:18:01,189 --> 00:18:02,421
So you met her twice.
228
00:18:04,593 --> 00:18:06,225
Howard.
229
00:18:06,227 --> 00:18:09,863
- Oh, this fucking guy.
- Who's he with?
230
00:18:09,865 --> 00:18:11,230
His girlfriend.
231
00:18:11,232 --> 00:18:12,866
Howard left your mother?
232
00:18:12,868 --> 00:18:15,836
"Left" is not
a strong enough word. Fled.
233
00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:18,572
- For an older woman?
- He would have left for an otter.
234
00:18:18,574 --> 00:18:21,775
- Anyway, leaving is leaving.
- No, no.
235
00:18:21,777 --> 00:18:25,344
Leaving for a younger woman
is awful, it's horrible.
236
00:18:25,346 --> 00:18:29,148
But leaving for an older
woman is perverse.
237
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,384
Mom would have been just
as angry about a younger one.
238
00:18:31,386 --> 00:18:33,720
Yeah, but she would've
been able to use her age
239
00:18:33,722 --> 00:18:36,657
to rail against
a gender-unfair society.
240
00:18:36,659 --> 00:18:39,660
I mean, leaving for a younger
woman's the least he could've done.
241
00:18:39,662 --> 00:18:41,662
My father left her
for a younger woman.
242
00:18:41,664 --> 00:18:44,297
She can think about that,
when she wants to cheer up.
243
00:18:44,299 --> 00:18:47,701
But she and your father eventually
made peace though, didn't they?
244
00:18:47,703 --> 00:18:49,870
Yep. Dad jumped out
a seventh-floor window,
245
00:18:49,872 --> 00:18:51,772
and Mom considered them
all square.
246
00:18:51,774 --> 00:18:53,507
- I'm sorry?
- Don't be.
247
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,274
I was not a fan.
248
00:18:55,276 --> 00:18:57,878
Well, you're not a fan of
many people, is my sense.
249
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,680
Well, this person
shot me, so...
250
00:18:59,682 --> 00:19:01,915
- He shot you?
- He did.
251
00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:05,452
He said I was the embodiment
of all his bad choices.
252
00:19:05,454 --> 00:19:07,854
- Did it hurt?
- Did it hurt?
253
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,623
Is that a serious question?
254
00:19:09,625 --> 00:19:11,525
There's a metal missile
going into your body.
255
00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:13,594
Yes, it hurt.
It hurt a great deal.
256
00:19:13,596 --> 00:19:15,562
Well, what did you do?
257
00:19:15,564 --> 00:19:16,663
I ran at him.
258
00:19:16,665 --> 00:19:18,532
You ran at him?
259
00:19:18,534 --> 00:19:20,199
Why didn't you
run away from him?
260
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,368
That didn't occur to me.
I was pissed off.
261
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,871
He tried to shoot me again,
but he missed.
262
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:29,175
I got the gun out of his hand, hit him in
the face with it, broke his orbital bone.
263
00:19:29,177 --> 00:19:31,612
- What did he do?
- He cried.
264
00:19:31,614 --> 00:19:33,112
Begged me to kill him.
I wouldn't.
265
00:19:33,114 --> 00:19:36,282
Not because I didn't want to, but because
I didn't want to fuck up my life.
266
00:19:36,284 --> 00:19:38,752
I mean, any more
than it already was.
267
00:19:38,754 --> 00:19:40,419
Turned out I didn't
have to kill him though,
268
00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:42,856
because that night,
he jumped.
269
00:19:42,858 --> 00:19:45,424
It's quite a family.
270
00:19:45,426 --> 00:19:47,761
Nobody's arguing.
271
00:19:47,763 --> 00:19:51,765
You can't call a
78-year-old woman your "girlfriend."
272
00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:53,265
It's ridiculous.
273
00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:54,668
What should I call her then?
274
00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:58,672
I don't know. An ossified,
pre-dead corpse-friend?
275
00:19:58,674 --> 00:20:00,974
Is that in the politically
correct handbook?
276
00:20:00,976 --> 00:20:02,976
I'm off the clock.
277
00:20:02,978 --> 00:20:04,878
She just needs a little
more hair and makeup.
278
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,681
I think we passed
a mortician on the way in.
279
00:20:07,683 --> 00:20:09,382
Travel with her
on your arm,
280
00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,918
you'd better know where the
funeral parlors are at all times.
281
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,221
And by "On your arm,"
you mean both figuratively
282
00:20:15,223 --> 00:20:17,791
and for actual
physical support.
283
00:20:17,793 --> 00:20:20,359
- I've never met her.
- Better hurry.
284
00:20:20,361 --> 00:20:22,896
I guess the heart wants
what the heart wants.
285
00:20:22,898 --> 00:20:25,499
Or whatever the
pacemaker says it can have.
286
00:20:25,501 --> 00:20:27,299
Apparently,
they went to the same college.
287
00:20:27,301 --> 00:20:29,469
She was a senior
when he was a freshman.
288
00:20:29,471 --> 00:20:31,772
Well, she's a senior again.
289
00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:37,444
- Are you gonna say hello?
- Yep. Are you?
290
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:39,780
Yep.
291
00:20:39,782 --> 00:20:41,615
Have a nice time.
292
00:21:50,619 --> 00:21:53,887
- You okay?
- Nope. You?
293
00:21:53,889 --> 00:21:55,991
I'm all fucked up
and I always will be.
294
00:21:57,726 --> 00:22:02,731
You think anyone will notice
if I... go back to the hotel?
295
00:22:04,066 --> 00:22:05,033
Nope.
296
00:22:05,934 --> 00:22:06,869
Yeah.
297
00:22:08,436 --> 00:22:09,437
All right.
298
00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:32,526
Psst.
299
00:22:32,528 --> 00:22:36,932
I mean, not to throw
stones, but he has a lot going on.
300
00:22:38,366 --> 00:22:40,734
I mean... I mean, I know
I have mine,
301
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:43,103
but my father
never shot me.
302
00:22:43,105 --> 00:22:46,706
I don't think he ever
even touched a gun.
303
00:22:46,708 --> 00:22:50,944
I mean, there was that one time I
put those two boxes of Band-Aids
304
00:22:50,946 --> 00:22:55,882
on my doll and he,
like, barely patted me.
305
00:22:55,884 --> 00:22:58,618
Like, you couldn't
even call it a spanking.
306
00:22:58,620 --> 00:23:03,824
It was like... He was
apologizing forever for it.
307
00:23:03,826 --> 00:23:05,060
And he still feels bad.
308
00:23:07,395 --> 00:23:10,497
I mean, seven floors.
309
00:23:10,499 --> 00:23:13,166
I wonder if there was more
floors he could of just gone up
310
00:23:13,168 --> 00:23:14,803
so he could die instantly.
311
00:23:15,838 --> 00:23:19,005
Not like...
312
00:23:19,007 --> 00:23:21,041
Can you die... How many...
313
00:23:21,043 --> 00:23:23,111
I don't know. I guess
it depends on the building.
314
00:23:24,646 --> 00:23:26,012
Very, very...
315
00:23:26,014 --> 00:23:29,084
Just psychologically,
it's just interesting, but...
316
00:23:32,955 --> 00:23:34,821
You don't think.
317
00:23:34,823 --> 00:23:38,525
He stole from me, from his
employer, from Katherine March.
318
00:23:38,527 --> 00:23:41,830
My wife... I mean
my former wife is correct.
319
00:23:43,098 --> 00:23:44,432
I really can paint.
320
00:23:46,902 --> 00:23:49,469
My copies were so bad
I had to destroy them.
321
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:50,973
For God's sake, he's lying.
322
00:23:53,642 --> 00:23:55,878
Because he's left-handed,
you idiot.
323
00:23:57,512 --> 00:24:00,080
He told me
Miss March painted them.
324
00:24:00,082 --> 00:24:01,748
In my expert opinion...
325
00:24:14,229 --> 00:24:18,164
He said he was going to fix
it when he left my place around 2:00 a.m.
326
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:21,234
That's when I told him...
327
00:24:21,236 --> 00:24:23,703
So he
kills her with my ice pick.
328
00:24:23,705 --> 00:24:26,539
And I heard her say,
"'Hello, Johnnie' before she hung up."
329
00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:28,074
He was there all right.
330
00:24:28,076 --> 00:24:29,709
Well, what I don't understand
331
00:24:29,711 --> 00:24:30,944
is this talk
about her being an artist.
332
00:24:30,946 --> 00:24:32,545
I never saw her paint.
333
00:24:32,547 --> 00:24:34,581
That was one
of her peculiar traits.
334
00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:36,518
She never let anyone
see her paint.
335
00:24:57,005 --> 00:25:01,241
I would not have guessed, Frank, that you
were a man who enjoyed a foot massage.
336
00:25:01,243 --> 00:25:06,112
I'm not. When I saw the complimentary
chit in the wedding welcome basket,
337
00:25:06,114 --> 00:25:08,148
I thought, "I don't want that.
338
00:25:08,150 --> 00:25:10,216
I'm not comfortable with other
people touching my feet.
339
00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:12,619
I don't see why
it's necessary or good."
340
00:25:12,621 --> 00:25:14,654
Then why are you here?
341
00:25:14,656 --> 00:25:17,090
Because it's a $30 value,
and throwing it away
342
00:25:17,092 --> 00:25:19,159
would have bothered me
even more than this does.
343
00:25:19,161 --> 00:25:20,560
So, you're cheap.
344
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:22,028
Oh, I'm way worse
than cheap,
345
00:25:22,030 --> 00:25:24,564
especially when it comes to free shit...
I hoard free shit.
346
00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:26,099
Especially
the gray-area free shit,
347
00:25:26,101 --> 00:25:29,235
like the nail files and disposable
slippers in the hotel room.
348
00:25:29,237 --> 00:25:30,904
"Gray area."
349
00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:32,906
I tell myself that they
want me to take it,
350
00:25:32,908 --> 00:25:34,607
that I'm intended
to take it.
351
00:25:34,609 --> 00:25:36,009
Do you take
the shoehorns?
352
00:25:36,011 --> 00:25:37,811
Not the long ones,
only the short ones.
353
00:25:37,813 --> 00:25:41,147
Well, that's not a gray area,
that's theft. You're a thief.
354
00:25:41,149 --> 00:25:44,617
Do you take the shampoo,
conditioner, and body wash?
355
00:25:44,619 --> 00:25:46,953
I used to, but then one
leaked in my suitcase.
356
00:25:46,955 --> 00:25:49,622
Huh. What about the soaps?
357
00:25:49,624 --> 00:25:51,224
Not the round soaps
wrapped in paper.
358
00:25:51,226 --> 00:25:53,960
But the bigger ones,
in the boxes? Yes, I do.
359
00:25:53,962 --> 00:25:57,931
So, you're a minor person
with grubby hands.
360
00:25:57,933 --> 00:26:00,867
I don't understand how, even after
Keith did what he did to you,
361
00:26:00,869 --> 00:26:03,136
and even in the midst
of the shame of being here,
362
00:26:03,138 --> 00:26:05,638
you can possibly still
be mooning over him.
363
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,140
That's because
you're a monkey
364
00:26:07,142 --> 00:26:09,642
who doesn't understand
the human condition.
365
00:26:09,644 --> 00:26:11,578
Having met you, I understand
why it's a condition.
366
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:12,979
You don't stop
loving a person
367
00:26:12,981 --> 00:26:15,215
just because
they injure you.
368
00:26:15,217 --> 00:26:16,649
It helps.
369
00:26:16,651 --> 00:26:19,285
- Well, love is not rational.
- Clearly.
370
00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:21,121
But how could you
even like Keith?
371
00:26:21,123 --> 00:26:23,857
- I never said I liked him.
- Then how can you love him?
372
00:26:23,859 --> 00:26:25,859
Love has nothing
to do with like.
373
00:26:25,861 --> 00:26:29,195
- Healthy people would disagree.
- Healthy people are sick.
374
00:26:29,197 --> 00:26:32,665
Isn't there a part of you that just
wants to wish him well and move on?
375
00:26:32,667 --> 00:26:36,302
Mmm... Most of me wants him
to be found in an icy river.
376
00:26:36,304 --> 00:26:39,672
It makes no sense to want the
person you love to be dead.
377
00:26:39,674 --> 00:26:42,008
Because then you'd have no one
left to love except yourself.
378
00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:44,279
Which, in your case,
would be unrequited.
379
00:26:45,814 --> 00:26:49,349
- I really don't want him dead.
- Good.
380
00:26:49,351 --> 00:26:52,619
I want him to have a long life, during
which he is miserable every single day
381
00:26:52,621 --> 00:26:55,088
before slowly
dying of regret.
382
00:26:55,090 --> 00:26:57,991
There are seven billion people
in the world.
383
00:26:57,993 --> 00:27:00,093
So when one of them
behaves badly toward you,
384
00:27:00,095 --> 00:27:03,029
he's actually doing you a great
favor because he's saving you time.
385
00:27:03,031 --> 00:27:05,398
He's telling you that
he's not worth your while.
386
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,867
He's freeing you to say,
"Thank you for the information.
387
00:27:07,869 --> 00:27:15,341
I will now move on to
the 6,999,999,999 other people,
388
00:27:15,343 --> 00:27:18,178
some of whom
may have some value."
389
00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:19,913
And is that what
you've done, Frank?
390
00:27:19,915 --> 00:27:22,248
Just sifted,
calmly and sensibly,
391
00:27:22,250 --> 00:27:25,718
through the entire population,
searching for your soul mate?
392
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,855
No, I have opted out, which
makes me uniquely qualified
393
00:27:28,857 --> 00:27:30,757
to observe and comment
on your situation.
394
00:27:30,759 --> 00:27:32,227
Oh, I am so lucky.
395
00:27:33,795 --> 00:27:36,129
- It was a long time ago.
- Not an eternity.
396
00:27:36,131 --> 00:27:40,266
- You were both very young.
- Old enough to know right from wrong.
397
00:27:40,268 --> 00:27:42,669
Incidentally, I spoke
to the bride last night.
398
00:27:42,671 --> 00:27:45,772
Oh, she does not have the
sense God gave a toaster.
399
00:27:45,774 --> 00:27:49,042
She's a moron, and her breasts
were built on a medical bench.
400
00:27:49,044 --> 00:27:52,446
But she said to tell you that
she hopes you can be friends.
401
00:27:52,448 --> 00:27:54,114
You talked about me?
402
00:27:54,116 --> 00:27:55,782
She didn't give you
a lot of airtime.
403
00:27:55,784 --> 00:27:57,917
She has trouble
stringing sentences together.
404
00:27:57,919 --> 00:27:59,853
And she uses a lot
of personal pronouns,
405
00:27:59,855 --> 00:28:02,055
so you're not always quite sure
who she's talking about.
406
00:28:02,057 --> 00:28:03,923
Well done, Keith.
407
00:28:03,925 --> 00:28:07,961
But if it helps, she said
she's not threatened by you.
408
00:28:07,963 --> 00:28:10,930
Yes, that helps
tremendously.
409
00:28:10,932 --> 00:28:12,432
At least I think
she was talking about you.
410
00:28:14,002 --> 00:28:18,071
She said "her." I'm pretty
sure she meant you.
411
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:21,908
- Wow. What do you care anyway?
- I don't.
412
00:28:21,910 --> 00:28:24,878
I'm just trying to amuse myself
and get to tomorrow.
413
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,249
Do you care
about anything?
414
00:28:29,017 --> 00:28:31,253
How many times in your life
have you been in love?
415
00:28:32,420 --> 00:28:34,187
Once.
416
00:28:34,189 --> 00:28:35,724
What was it like?
417
00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:56,142
How does anybody drink wine
at 11:00 in the morning?
418
00:28:56,144 --> 00:28:57,877
It's a winery, Frank.
419
00:28:57,879 --> 00:29:00,880
Haven't you ever given out a Car
of the Year award at 11:00?
420
00:29:00,882 --> 00:29:02,284
I can still taste toothpaste.
421
00:29:05,086 --> 00:29:08,021
- You were absolutely right.
- What did you say?
422
00:29:08,023 --> 00:29:10,890
A destination wedding
is presumptuous.
423
00:29:10,892 --> 00:29:13,126
"Please drag your carcass
hundreds of miles
424
00:29:13,128 --> 00:29:15,361
to excessively celebrate
our happiness."
425
00:29:15,363 --> 00:29:17,931
Yeah. "Because our
wedding is so special,
426
00:29:17,933 --> 00:29:20,200
it needs to be
an epic imposition."
427
00:29:20,202 --> 00:29:23,836
"It's far too important to celebrate
in anybody's shit-ass hometown."
428
00:29:23,838 --> 00:29:27,840
"Or on one calendar day. So kindly
give up your entire weekend."
429
00:29:27,842 --> 00:29:30,877
"And spend a fuck-ton of your own
money, over and above the gift."
430
00:29:30,879 --> 00:29:32,979
I bet you loved
the minibar prices.
431
00:29:32,981 --> 00:29:34,316
It's like 80 cents
per cashew.
432
00:29:36,452 --> 00:29:38,151
What's hilarious
is that these two
433
00:29:38,153 --> 00:29:40,820
have no idea they're
in a fool's paradise.
434
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:42,889
You really think that?
435
00:29:42,891 --> 00:29:46,059
I've spent most of my life dodging the
shrapnel from my mother's marriages,
436
00:29:46,061 --> 00:29:49,496
both of which started
with smiles as big as theirs.
437
00:29:49,498 --> 00:29:51,431
Some marriages work out.
438
00:29:51,433 --> 00:29:53,933
Yes, and some people
have six fingers.
439
00:29:53,935 --> 00:29:55,935
So I'm guessing
you're single.
440
00:29:55,937 --> 00:29:58,071
I decided to learn
from my parents' mistakes.
441
00:29:58,073 --> 00:30:00,340
It's a form
of evolution.
442
00:30:00,342 --> 00:30:04,077
Yeah, but you can't blame people for
believing their own lives will be different.
443
00:30:04,079 --> 00:30:07,847
Yes, I can.
It's incredibly egotistical.
444
00:30:07,849 --> 00:30:11,317
It might help you to consider the
idea that heartbreak is pointless,
445
00:30:11,319 --> 00:30:13,019
because if you had
wound up with the person,
446
00:30:13,021 --> 00:30:15,855
eventually, you would've
been miserable anyway.
447
00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:17,924
Actually that does help,
thank you.
448
00:30:17,926 --> 00:30:20,494
No problem.
449
00:30:20,496 --> 00:30:23,396
But don't you believe there's
someone for everyone?
450
00:30:23,398 --> 00:30:24,864
Close.
451
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:27,369
I believe that there's
nobody for anyone.
452
00:30:44,553 --> 00:30:48,021
I wish your mother and Howard's
corpse-friend were playing.
453
00:30:48,023 --> 00:30:51,858
They could try and dislodge
each other's tunnel catheters.
454
00:30:51,860 --> 00:30:53,860
Have you talked
to the corpse-friend?
455
00:30:53,862 --> 00:30:57,564
Briefly. She's dull, and she
needs a week at depilatory camp.
456
00:30:57,566 --> 00:31:00,900
- Maybe she's rich.
- I sure hope so.
457
00:31:00,902 --> 00:31:02,003
Get her!
458
00:31:04,072 --> 00:31:06,039
Do you ever think
it's a crutch though,
459
00:31:06,041 --> 00:31:08,308
blaming your mother and
father for everything?
460
00:31:08,310 --> 00:31:10,076
When did crutches
get a bad name?
461
00:31:10,078 --> 00:31:11,645
When you have a broken leg,
you need a crutch.
462
00:31:11,647 --> 00:31:14,180
In fact, it would be stupid
not to have a crutch.
463
00:31:14,182 --> 00:31:16,483
Well, yeah,
but broken legs heal.
464
00:31:16,485 --> 00:31:18,885
I mean don't you have
a responsibility to yourself
465
00:31:18,887 --> 00:31:22,922
to eventually cast aside the
crutches and meet new challenges?
466
00:31:22,924 --> 00:31:25,191
If the parent-child bond
is diseased,
467
00:31:25,193 --> 00:31:29,362
you have a better chance of being a
sociopath than of being well-adjusted.
468
00:31:29,364 --> 00:31:31,364
I consider it a triumph
of the will
469
00:31:31,366 --> 00:31:34,934
that there aren't shallow graves
dotting my backyard.
470
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:38,304
Besides, who are you to talk?
471
00:31:38,306 --> 00:31:42,643
Simple heartbreak like yours should be,
relatively speaking, a piece of cake to get over.
472
00:31:42,645 --> 00:31:44,578
Well, it's not.
473
00:31:44,580 --> 00:31:48,247
I'd rather be strong and ruined
than weak and ruined.
474
00:31:48,249 --> 00:31:51,184
I'm not weak.
I just have hope.
475
00:31:51,186 --> 00:31:53,119
That's the same thing.
476
00:32:09,170 --> 00:32:13,139
How do you not install steps
or a pathway for this shit?
477
00:32:13,141 --> 00:32:15,308
They warned us. It was
in the Welcome Basket.
478
00:32:15,310 --> 00:32:17,310
This is a fucking
liability nightmare.
479
00:32:17,312 --> 00:32:19,580
That's right,
sue Keith again.
480
00:32:19,582 --> 00:32:21,648
Can't we just get the van
to drive us up?
481
00:32:21,650 --> 00:32:24,283
- We're going 90 feet.
- Well, the heels won't make it.
482
00:32:24,285 --> 00:32:26,285
Then take them off
until we get there.
483
00:32:26,287 --> 00:32:28,655
- I just got a foot massage.
- So?
484
00:32:28,657 --> 00:32:32,091
I'm not gonna show up at my
ex-fiancé's wedding with dirty feet.
485
00:32:32,093 --> 00:32:34,595
You can clean them off
at the grape wash.
486
00:32:34,597 --> 00:32:37,430
- Can't you just carry me, please?
- What?
487
00:32:37,432 --> 00:32:40,567
- I can't believe I have to ask.
- What?
488
00:32:40,569 --> 00:32:43,102
- It's 90 feet.
- How much do you weigh?
489
00:32:43,104 --> 00:32:45,338
- Frank.
- I don't want to shed my mortal coil.
490
00:32:45,340 --> 00:32:47,510
Well, if that happens,
you can put me down.
491
00:32:59,154 --> 00:33:01,354
You have a high,
specific gravity.
492
00:33:01,356 --> 00:33:03,156
Yeah, dense bones.
493
00:33:03,158 --> 00:33:05,324
Really deceptive avoirdupois.
494
00:33:05,326 --> 00:33:08,060
This is the slowest
I've ever been carried.
495
00:33:08,062 --> 00:33:09,630
Oh, dear God, be quiet.
496
00:33:09,632 --> 00:33:11,364
Can you just let me off
at the top though,
497
00:33:11,366 --> 00:33:13,399
so no one sees
that you carried me?
498
00:33:13,401 --> 00:33:17,236
Why? Maybe Keith will get
jealous and rethink everything.
499
00:33:17,238 --> 00:33:19,372
Keith has
forgotten I'm here.
500
00:33:24,747 --> 00:33:25,681
Fuck me.
501
00:33:33,556 --> 00:33:36,723
It's 800 degrees.
502
00:33:36,725 --> 00:33:39,125
Why is the minister
in a seersucker suit?
503
00:33:39,127 --> 00:33:40,326
Because he's not a minister.
504
00:33:40,328 --> 00:33:41,695
He's Keith's friend
from college.
505
00:33:41,697 --> 00:33:43,564
Levy, I think his name is.
506
00:33:43,566 --> 00:33:45,666
- Kaplan?
- Kaplan, right.
507
00:33:45,668 --> 00:33:48,034
- Is he wearing makeup?
- Always.
508
00:33:48,036 --> 00:33:50,336
Usually
the Nars Radiant Creamy.
509
00:33:50,338 --> 00:33:52,205
If memory serves,
he's gay.
510
00:33:52,207 --> 00:33:56,409
The correct term is "Effeminate
American." And actually he's pansexual.
511
00:33:56,411 --> 00:33:57,811
What does that mean?
512
00:33:57,813 --> 00:33:59,746
He's attracted
to all genders,
513
00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:02,549
gender identities,
and sexual orientations.
514
00:34:02,551 --> 00:34:04,585
- Come on.
- I'm telling you.
515
00:34:04,587 --> 00:34:06,385
How'd he get the gig?
516
00:34:06,387 --> 00:34:08,120
He fucked the bride
and the groom.
517
00:34:08,122 --> 00:34:10,724
- Which was, like, no big deal.
- Vanilla.
518
00:34:10,726 --> 00:34:13,259
I mean, because he would fuck, for
example, a man who believes he's a woman?
519
00:34:13,261 --> 00:34:14,795
Absolutely.
520
00:34:14,797 --> 00:34:17,664
Or a straight woman who believes
she's actually a gay man?
521
00:34:17,666 --> 00:34:19,766
- Not a day goes by.
- What about hermaphrodites?
522
00:34:19,768 --> 00:34:21,334
You'd have to think.
523
00:34:21,336 --> 00:34:23,537
They just let anyone
officiate at weddings?
524
00:34:23,539 --> 00:34:27,306
Not anyone. You need a credit
card and an Internet connection.
525
00:34:27,308 --> 00:34:30,644
- You researched this?
- Oh, I researched everything.
526
00:34:30,646 --> 00:34:32,613
I knew where
we would buy a house,
527
00:34:32,615 --> 00:34:35,616
where our kids would be born,
where they'd go to school.
528
00:34:35,618 --> 00:34:37,352
I knew where we'd be buried.
529
00:34:40,489 --> 00:34:43,524
Do you become a clergyman in
an online church of some sort?
530
00:34:43,526 --> 00:34:45,659
No, you can
just do weddings.
531
00:34:45,661 --> 00:34:47,761
- Not baptisms?
- No.
532
00:34:47,763 --> 00:34:50,797
- Funerals? Bar Mitzvahs?
- Just weddings.
533
00:34:50,799 --> 00:34:54,568
- How many believers does he have?
- No believers. No congregation.
534
00:34:54,570 --> 00:34:57,738
- Does his church preach that there's a heaven?
- Ain't got no church.
535
00:34:57,740 --> 00:35:01,441
Why would anyone have my
mother as the maid of honor?
536
00:35:01,443 --> 00:35:05,344
I don't know. It's like having
the Grim Reaper at your CAT scan.
537
00:35:05,346 --> 00:35:09,248
If I had a nickel for every time she
said to me, "I am not your maid."
538
00:35:09,250 --> 00:35:12,886
- Was she born during the Great Depression?
- No, she caused it.
539
00:35:12,888 --> 00:35:15,321
- You know who I feel sorry for?
- Yourself?
540
00:35:15,323 --> 00:35:16,823
Anne's father.
541
00:35:16,825 --> 00:35:19,358
Why? He's the only one here
who wasn't married to my mother.
542
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:24,565
Because once upon a time, he was the Most
Important Male Person In Anne's Life,
543
00:35:24,567 --> 00:35:27,534
the "M.P.I.A.L." if you will.
544
00:35:27,536 --> 00:35:29,836
I will, but only
if I have to.
545
00:35:29,838 --> 00:35:33,272
It's dangerous for a father
to pass that mantle.
546
00:35:33,274 --> 00:35:36,643
Just because he's Danish doesn't mean
he was fucking his own daughter.
547
00:35:36,645 --> 00:35:39,913
In a very real sense,
by virtue of cultivating
548
00:35:39,915 --> 00:35:44,317
a healthy, loving relationship with
her, showing her, day after day,
549
00:35:44,319 --> 00:35:46,820
year after year, how a good
man should comport himself,
550
00:35:46,822 --> 00:35:49,556
he's been preparing
her whole life for marriage.
551
00:35:49,558 --> 00:35:52,158
- To Keith.
- Exactly.
552
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,461
That's the lamb to
the slaughter right there.
553
00:35:54,463 --> 00:35:57,931
She and her dad have been leading with
their chins, cruising for a bruising.
554
00:35:57,933 --> 00:36:00,166
Asking for it.
It's a total sucker play.
555
00:36:00,168 --> 00:36:01,668
Or so you've heard.
556
00:36:01,670 --> 00:36:03,870
There's a sucker that reaches
age of consent every minute.
557
00:36:03,872 --> 00:36:07,273
When Keith turns out to be
the mythic jerk that he is,
558
00:36:07,275 --> 00:36:10,844
all of her carefully curated
self-esteem will be destroyed,
559
00:36:10,846 --> 00:36:14,282
a father will have lost a
daughter, and where will she be?
560
00:36:15,350 --> 00:36:17,216
Right here
with the rest of us.
561
00:36:39,708 --> 00:36:41,409
I used to love this song.
562
00:36:42,745 --> 00:36:44,878
Do you want to dance?
563
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,615
- I said "used to."
- Fine.
564
00:36:48,717 --> 00:36:51,317
- Why, do you want to dance?
- Of course not, I hate dancing.
565
00:36:51,319 --> 00:36:53,720
It's moronic and a
complete waste of time.
566
00:36:53,722 --> 00:36:56,523
You're not that busy.
567
00:36:56,525 --> 00:36:59,860
I just thought maybe you wanted to
dance to get your mind off things.
568
00:36:59,862 --> 00:37:01,995
I don't and it wouldn't.
569
00:37:01,997 --> 00:37:05,532
Fine. I said fine.
570
00:37:05,534 --> 00:37:07,503
Neither of us wants
to fucking dance.
571
00:37:11,907 --> 00:37:15,376
I can't help but hope
Keith tears a hip muscle.
572
00:37:24,787 --> 00:37:26,655
Can we take a walk?
573
00:37:53,515 --> 00:37:55,716
- How are the shoes?
- They're fine.
574
00:37:55,718 --> 00:37:57,984
I didn't really want to go through
the whole entire selection,
575
00:37:57,986 --> 00:38:01,521
but I have weird arches
on my mom's side.
576
00:38:01,523 --> 00:38:03,523
- So they're good.
- Yeah.
577
00:38:03,525 --> 00:38:05,058
Okay.
578
00:38:05,060 --> 00:38:07,494
You know after
the whole thing with Keith,
579
00:38:07,496 --> 00:38:11,465
- I was diagnosed with PTSD.
- Rich person's PTSD.
580
00:38:11,467 --> 00:38:14,433
- Privileged person's PTSD.
- Okay, I do know what you're saying.
581
00:38:14,435 --> 00:38:16,335
This is why people
hate the top one percent.
582
00:38:16,337 --> 00:38:19,072
- I am not the top one percent.
- Neither am I.
583
00:38:19,074 --> 00:38:22,442
When people talk about the top
one percent like it's home,
584
00:38:22,444 --> 00:38:23,910
it drives me fucking crazy.
585
00:38:23,912 --> 00:38:25,679
You know who's actually
in the top one percent
586
00:38:25,681 --> 00:38:27,581
are the assholes
that run the companies
587
00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:29,816
that I prosecute
and you reward.
588
00:38:29,818 --> 00:38:32,686
Top ten, top 20 percent,
whatever it is.
589
00:38:32,688 --> 00:38:34,855
The segment of society
that doesn't have to worry
590
00:38:34,857 --> 00:38:37,958
about basic things like food,
clothing, shelter, transportation,
591
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:39,693
or getting shot
by the police.
592
00:38:39,695 --> 00:38:41,360
So we're not allowed
to have problems?
593
00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:43,530
We're allowed to have them, but
no one is interested in them.
594
00:38:43,532 --> 00:38:45,966
And I don't blame them,
I'm not even interested.
595
00:38:45,968 --> 00:38:49,002
We're trite, trivial,
tiresome, tone-deaf narcissists.
596
00:38:49,004 --> 00:38:51,671
I never said I wasn't
a tone-deaf narcissist.
597
00:38:51,673 --> 00:38:53,607
- The optics are very bad.
- Nobody's looking.
598
00:38:53,609 --> 00:38:54,941
We should keep our shit
to ourselves.
599
00:38:54,943 --> 00:38:57,077
We are keeping it
to ourselves.
600
00:38:57,079 --> 00:39:01,347
Besides, it's human nature to find pain in
any situation, however relatively fortunate.
601
00:39:01,349 --> 00:39:03,483
That doesn't
make it listenable.
602
00:39:03,485 --> 00:39:07,053
Well, I'm sorry if my brand of pain
is out of vogue, but it's all I got.
603
00:39:07,055 --> 00:39:09,623
It would be so much more
interesting and fantastic
604
00:39:09,625 --> 00:39:11,892
if we had been
fondled by priests
605
00:39:11,894 --> 00:39:14,828
or lost a leg but could
still feel it or something.
606
00:39:16,598 --> 00:39:20,399
My theory about
myself is that my soma
607
00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:24,538
is sending me a Darwinian
message telling me,
608
00:39:24,540 --> 00:39:27,808
"Hey, you're unfit to pass your
DNA on to future generations,
609
00:39:27,810 --> 00:39:29,843
so you should just select out."
610
00:39:29,845 --> 00:39:32,612
Well, just keep doing
what you're doing.
611
00:39:32,614 --> 00:39:35,015
But I have
so much to give.
612
00:39:35,017 --> 00:39:36,652
Not really.
613
00:39:37,986 --> 00:39:40,687
Holy shit, Frank.
What is that?
614
00:39:40,689 --> 00:39:42,421
I think it's a mountain lion.
615
00:39:42,423 --> 00:39:45,692
- Could it be a jaguar?
- I don't know. I'm not a zookeeper.
616
00:39:45,694 --> 00:39:47,727
It's too big for an
ocelot or a bearcat,
617
00:39:47,729 --> 00:39:49,729
but too small
for a panther, I think.
618
00:39:49,731 --> 00:39:52,132
What the fuck difference does it make
what it is? It's a fucking predator cat.
619
00:39:52,134 --> 00:39:53,700
A cougar, maybe?
620
00:39:53,702 --> 00:39:55,802
- Jesus Christ.
- I don't know what you're worried about.
621
00:39:55,804 --> 00:39:57,504
- It's gonna go for me.
- Why?
622
00:39:57,506 --> 00:39:59,739
I saw a thing. They pick out
the smallest of the herd.
623
00:39:59,741 --> 00:40:01,074
We're not a herd,
we're wedding guests.
624
00:40:01,076 --> 00:40:03,109
I'm telling you,
you're safe if you just run.
625
00:40:03,111 --> 00:40:04,578
You run.
I'll stay here and fight.
626
00:40:04,580 --> 00:40:06,046
Uh, yeah,
but I'm not a sprinter.
627
00:40:06,048 --> 00:40:08,815
I run for distance, so it
gives me a certain clarity...
628
00:40:08,817 --> 00:40:10,450
Yes, all right.
629
00:40:10,452 --> 00:40:11,785
You run.
I'll stay here and fight.
630
00:40:11,787 --> 00:40:14,020
How about if we both run
and nobody stays and fights?
631
00:40:14,022 --> 00:40:15,722
Neither one of us
can outrun a cheetah.
632
00:40:15,724 --> 00:40:17,524
It's not a fucking cheetah.
We're not in Africa.
633
00:40:17,526 --> 00:40:19,693
They're also in Iran,
I think it said.
634
00:40:19,695 --> 00:40:21,161
They won't even
hear us scream.
635
00:40:21,163 --> 00:40:22,963
I hate those
fucking people.
636
00:40:22,965 --> 00:40:25,565
On the plus side, you'll be ruining Keith's wedding.
637
00:40:25,567 --> 00:40:28,101
- That's true.
- Unless they don't find us for weeks.
638
00:40:28,103 --> 00:40:30,937
And then only in pieces, some of
which were brought back to its lair.
639
00:40:32,574 --> 00:40:34,207
Last chance on the running.
640
00:40:34,209 --> 00:40:37,177
I can't believe you're the last human
person I'm ever gonna talk to.
641
00:40:37,179 --> 00:40:38,745
There might be EMTs.
642
00:40:38,747 --> 00:40:41,548
Yeah, but I might
be a hemophiliac.
643
00:40:41,550 --> 00:40:43,550
Might be?
Don't you know that already?
644
00:40:43,552 --> 00:40:47,520
Well, no, because you can get things
as an adult, like adult onset asthma.
645
00:40:47,522 --> 00:40:49,825
My friend Suzanne has that...
646
00:41:05,674 --> 00:41:08,208
- Now we run!
- Oh!
647
00:41:08,210 --> 00:41:10,610
- That was good, Frank.
- My throat is really raw.
648
00:41:10,612 --> 00:41:12,012
But why are
we still running?
649
00:41:12,014 --> 00:41:13,380
Because I don't
think it's a bad idea
650
00:41:13,382 --> 00:41:16,216
to put as much distance between us
and the mountain lion as possible.
651
00:41:16,218 --> 00:41:17,717
It might've
been a lynx!
652
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:19,019
It would be so
ironic if I strangled you.
653
00:41:19,021 --> 00:41:21,254
Why do you have to ruin
a nice moment!
654
00:41:21,256 --> 00:41:24,858
- Ow!
- Ah, fuck! Ah, fuck!
655
00:41:24,860 --> 00:41:27,928
- Ow! Ow!
- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
656
00:41:27,930 --> 00:41:29,197
Ah!
657
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:33,434
Okay. Oh.
658
00:41:36,271 --> 00:41:38,540
For the record,
you ruined the moment, not me.
659
00:41:41,944 --> 00:41:43,512
Lindsay?
660
00:41:44,846 --> 00:41:46,181
Lindsay?
661
00:41:48,550 --> 00:41:52,519
I'm fine!
For God's sake. Jesus.
662
00:41:52,521 --> 00:41:55,922
- Great.
- I just had the wind knocked out of me.
663
00:41:55,924 --> 00:41:57,824
Okay, good.
664
00:41:57,826 --> 00:42:01,161
It was good, because you didn't have
the first clue what you were doing.
665
00:42:01,163 --> 00:42:03,997
Hey, it's been a while
since health class.
666
00:42:03,999 --> 00:42:06,900
Yeah, well, if you thought
I had a cervical injury,
667
00:42:06,902 --> 00:42:09,202
the last thing you're supposed
to do is flip a person over
668
00:42:09,204 --> 00:42:11,137
like a fuckin' pancake.
669
00:42:11,139 --> 00:42:15,809
- I'm sorry.
- But on the other hand, you did save me.
670
00:42:15,811 --> 00:42:17,010
Us.
671
00:42:17,012 --> 00:42:19,746
I told you,
it would have gone for me.
672
00:42:19,748 --> 00:42:22,549
Why did you do that?
Why did you save me?
673
00:42:22,551 --> 00:42:23,251
I didn't save you.
674
00:42:24,653 --> 00:42:26,186
Why did you save me?
675
00:42:26,188 --> 00:42:27,721
Because I'm an idiot.
676
00:42:27,723 --> 00:42:31,124
- You could've died.
- Of idiocy.
677
00:42:31,126 --> 00:42:33,095
Don't tell me
you're secretly noble.
678
00:42:34,062 --> 00:42:35,261
I'm not.
679
00:42:35,263 --> 00:42:36,629
But I thought,
"Maybe she's right.
680
00:42:36,631 --> 00:42:37,998
Maybe hers
is the life in danger.
681
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,700
She seems to know
fuckin' everything."
682
00:42:40,702 --> 00:42:44,170
And I didn't want to feel guilty for the
rest of my life about not having saved you.
683
00:42:44,172 --> 00:42:45,805
I get that.
684
00:42:45,807 --> 00:42:49,576
- I didn't want to think of myself as selfish.
- Frank.
685
00:42:49,578 --> 00:42:53,680
As that selfish. Not on top of everything
else I already think about myself.
686
00:42:53,682 --> 00:42:55,982
Copy you.
687
00:42:55,984 --> 00:42:58,585
'Cause it's not like
I have so much to live for.
688
00:42:58,587 --> 00:43:00,756
Yeah, well,
that's true.
689
00:43:02,090 --> 00:43:03,592
Well, anyway, thank you.
690
00:43:10,732 --> 00:43:12,332
What the fuck, Frank?
691
00:43:12,334 --> 00:43:13,967
I'm sorry.
I don't know what that was.
692
00:43:13,969 --> 00:43:16,238
Neither do I,
for fuck's sake. Jesus.
693
00:43:20,108 --> 00:43:22,208
- Goddamn it!
- I'm sorry.
694
00:43:22,210 --> 00:43:24,780
- What is wrong with you?
- I don't know.
695
00:43:30,385 --> 00:43:31,985
What the fuck?
696
00:43:31,987 --> 00:43:33,288
Let's just...
Come on.
697
00:43:36,024 --> 00:43:36,992
Mmm.
698
00:43:39,961 --> 00:43:42,164
Can't... Just put it on...
699
00:43:44,866 --> 00:43:46,833
I'm sorry.
700
00:43:46,835 --> 00:43:50,170
I'm sorry,
it's just very difficult
701
00:43:50,172 --> 00:43:53,073
for me to give myself over to
any sort of positive activity.
702
00:43:53,075 --> 00:43:56,342
Yeah.
Especially this one.
703
00:43:56,344 --> 00:43:58,378
It makes me think about how
long I've gone without it,
704
00:43:58,380 --> 00:44:00,346
which makes me
want to kill myself.
705
00:44:00,348 --> 00:44:03,716
Yeah, well, I've been pretty
sure for a very long time
706
00:44:03,718 --> 00:44:06,186
that life is essentially
a horrible experience,
707
00:44:06,188 --> 00:44:08,154
and I really don't need
this kind of confusion.
708
00:44:08,156 --> 00:44:09,956
- And pressure.
- Yeah.
709
00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:11,124
I mean, if it all sucks,
then fuck it,
710
00:44:11,126 --> 00:44:14,160
but if it doesn't all suck,
then there's so much pressure.
711
00:44:14,162 --> 00:44:15,862
Yeah.
712
00:44:15,864 --> 00:44:18,231
God, do you even know
how long it's been
713
00:44:18,233 --> 00:44:21,901
since I've been touched with
affection by another human being?
714
00:44:21,903 --> 00:44:24,070
How about without affection?
715
00:44:24,072 --> 00:44:25,939
Nearly as long.
716
00:44:25,941 --> 00:44:29,876
I tell you right now, I haven't
felt pleasure since about 2006.
717
00:44:29,878 --> 00:44:32,278
Sometimes, I feel
the absence of pain,
718
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,747
which at this point
feels like pleasure,
719
00:44:34,749 --> 00:44:37,219
or at least pleasure's
little cousin.
720
00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:39,786
I don't have protection.
721
00:44:39,788 --> 00:44:40,920
Well, why would you?
722
00:44:40,922 --> 00:44:43,289
I mean, why would you
have a condom today?
723
00:44:43,291 --> 00:44:45,859
What are the odds?
Astronomical.
724
00:44:45,861 --> 00:44:48,995
- What if you got pregnant?
- I'm sure my womb is hostile.
725
00:44:48,997 --> 00:44:51,731
Having sex right now
would be irresponsible.
726
00:44:51,733 --> 00:44:53,399
Well, who cares?
727
00:44:53,401 --> 00:44:55,737
I mean, how much worse
can things get?
728
00:44:57,205 --> 00:44:59,139
- Okay.
- Yeah?
729
00:44:59,141 --> 00:45:00,242
Okay.
730
00:45:12,187 --> 00:45:13,820
Okay.
731
00:45:13,822 --> 00:45:16,890
Okay.
732
00:45:16,892 --> 00:45:18,459
Okay.
733
00:45:18,461 --> 00:45:20,827
All right.
734
00:45:22,197 --> 00:45:25,100
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
735
00:45:34,376 --> 00:45:35,310
Okay.
736
00:45:38,914 --> 00:45:39,979
How's that?
737
00:45:39,981 --> 00:45:41,347
That's fine.
738
00:45:43,785 --> 00:45:46,786
Do you think the mountain lion
will be attracted to the musk?
739
00:45:46,788 --> 00:45:48,755
I think it was a puma.
740
00:45:49,858 --> 00:45:51,257
How is it now?
741
00:45:51,259 --> 00:45:55,028
It feels strange
yet pleasantly familiar,
742
00:45:55,030 --> 00:45:58,467
kind of like coming off a long
diet or going back to smoking.
743
00:46:00,402 --> 00:46:02,202
How about now?
744
00:46:02,204 --> 00:46:04,037
Do you have
any diseases?
745
00:46:04,039 --> 00:46:05,371
Of course not.
746
00:46:05,373 --> 00:46:07,373
I missed every
possible sexual revolution.
747
00:46:07,375 --> 00:46:10,009
The first one,
the one after Tinder,
748
00:46:10,011 --> 00:46:12,546
- the one after Caitlyn Jenner...
- Me, too.
749
00:46:15,518 --> 00:46:17,150
Crabs.
750
00:46:17,152 --> 00:46:19,085
You have crabs?
751
00:46:19,087 --> 00:46:20,420
No, actual crabs.
752
00:46:20,422 --> 00:46:21,988
Over there.
753
00:46:21,990 --> 00:46:24,190
Those aren't crabs,
those are tarantulas.
754
00:46:24,192 --> 00:46:25,291
They look like crabs.
755
00:46:25,293 --> 00:46:26,392
No, they don't.
756
00:46:26,394 --> 00:46:28,895
And besides,
they don't attack humans.
757
00:46:28,897 --> 00:46:30,330
Now you're just
making shit up.
758
00:46:30,332 --> 00:46:32,865
Oh, yes, for the thrill
of fucking you.
759
00:46:32,867 --> 00:46:35,134
- Let's get it over with.
- Fine.
760
00:46:39,241 --> 00:46:42,443
My mother used to tell me to always
use two condoms when you have sex.
761
00:46:42,445 --> 00:46:44,177
The second one
always had to be bigger.
762
00:46:44,179 --> 00:46:46,846
- It looked like a wind sock.
- That's so stupid.
763
00:46:46,848 --> 00:46:49,583
Each condom would cause
the other one to break.
764
00:46:49,585 --> 00:46:52,586
A fact discovered, astraddle,
in the summer after 12th grade,
765
00:46:52,588 --> 00:46:56,189
by a nice girl named Auden
who had no quarrel with anyone.
766
00:46:56,191 --> 00:46:58,091
She ran screaming
from our rec room.
767
00:46:58,093 --> 00:47:00,426
Of course, you had sex
in your rec room.
768
00:47:00,428 --> 00:47:02,463
We had a Nutone intercom system.
769
00:47:02,465 --> 00:47:04,998
The master control
was in the kitchen.
770
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:08,067
My parents could listen and talk to
any room in the house from there.
771
00:47:08,069 --> 00:47:11,037
I used to call the kitchen "The Eagle's Nest."
772
00:47:11,039 --> 00:47:12,473
When my father heard
Auden wailing,
773
00:47:12,475 --> 00:47:14,874
he screamed
through the intercom,
774
00:47:14,876 --> 00:47:17,076
"What the fuck
is going on down there?"
775
00:47:17,078 --> 00:47:18,111
I said what happened.
776
00:47:18,113 --> 00:47:19,613
There was a pause,
777
00:47:19,615 --> 00:47:22,315
and then my mother said,
"Dinner's ready."
778
00:47:22,317 --> 00:47:24,217
Your mother cooked?
779
00:47:24,219 --> 00:47:26,085
On the off-chance
that we are making a baby,
780
00:47:26,087 --> 00:47:27,353
do you want a boy
or a girl?
781
00:47:27,355 --> 00:47:29,389
You're asking me this now?
782
00:47:29,391 --> 00:47:31,492
I'm killing time.
783
00:47:31,494 --> 00:47:33,993
Uh, a boy.
784
00:47:33,995 --> 00:47:36,929
My mother actually told
me there's a way to get a boy.
785
00:47:36,931 --> 00:47:38,998
- Oh, this ought to be good.
- Yeah.
786
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:43,236
At the moment of climax, just
shout out, "Oh, boy! Oh, boy!"
787
00:47:43,238 --> 00:47:45,972
Can we please stop
talking about your mother.
788
00:47:45,974 --> 00:47:48,107
But I don't know why
you'd possibly want a boy,
789
00:47:48,109 --> 00:47:49,543
considering, you know,
790
00:47:49,545 --> 00:47:52,378
the baseline quality of
your relationships with men.
791
00:47:52,380 --> 00:47:54,380
Oh. What, revenge?
792
00:47:56,652 --> 00:47:59,085
Oh, Jesus, Frank!
793
00:47:59,087 --> 00:48:02,021
Jesus effing Christ!
794
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,226
Oh, God, you look like
you're gonna throw up!
795
00:48:07,228 --> 00:48:09,262
Why would I?
You're a very attractive woman.
796
00:48:09,264 --> 00:48:11,097
Not from that.
797
00:48:11,099 --> 00:48:12,332
Oh, right,
sorry.
798
00:48:12,334 --> 00:48:13,634
Oh, God!
799
00:48:13,636 --> 00:48:16,035
No!
No, no, no, no!
800
00:48:16,037 --> 00:48:17,904
- No?
- No, not "no."
801
00:48:17,906 --> 00:48:19,339
I'm just
a very negative person.
802
00:48:19,341 --> 00:48:20,474
Okay.
803
00:48:20,476 --> 00:48:22,476
I'm expressing
incredulity!
804
00:48:22,478 --> 00:48:24,277
Got it.
805
00:48:24,279 --> 00:48:25,679
- No!
- Ah!
806
00:48:25,681 --> 00:48:28,281
No! No! No!
No! No!
807
00:48:28,283 --> 00:48:30,383
Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!
808
00:48:30,385 --> 00:48:32,118
Oh, boy!
809
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:36,089
Yeah!
Oh, boy!
810
00:48:42,297 --> 00:48:44,097
Anytime, pal.
811
00:48:44,099 --> 00:48:45,431
Can you not talk right now?
812
00:48:45,433 --> 00:48:46,933
Fine.
813
00:48:46,935 --> 00:48:49,402
- It's gonna get cold out.
- No, it won't.
814
00:48:49,404 --> 00:48:51,672
Yes, it will.
It's the Paso Robles Diurnal.
815
00:48:51,674 --> 00:48:54,374
There's
sweeping wind temperatures.
816
00:48:54,376 --> 00:48:56,309
Don't you know anything
about meteorology?
817
00:48:56,311 --> 00:48:58,344
No!
818
00:48:58,346 --> 00:49:00,614
Oh, God. Kelp.
819
00:49:00,616 --> 00:49:02,549
- Help?
- No, kelp.
820
00:49:02,551 --> 00:49:05,151
There's kelp at
or near my vagina.
821
00:49:05,153 --> 00:49:07,521
Oh, that's grass.
We're in grass.
822
00:49:07,523 --> 00:49:09,088
How is that better?
823
00:49:09,090 --> 00:49:11,090
You put the ocean in my head
with the fucking crabs.
824
00:49:40,088 --> 00:49:41,320
What?
825
00:49:41,322 --> 00:49:42,991
I had a purse.
826
00:49:48,731 --> 00:49:50,664
Do you want a drink?
827
00:49:50,666 --> 00:49:53,700
I want all the drinks poured
directly down my gullet.
828
00:49:53,702 --> 00:49:56,670
Why don't we go to your room
and crack open your minibar?
829
00:49:56,672 --> 00:49:58,171
Why don't we
go to your room
830
00:49:58,173 --> 00:50:00,641
and crack open
your goddamn minibar?
831
00:50:00,643 --> 00:50:03,242
Frank.
We're alive.
832
00:50:03,244 --> 00:50:05,146
What does that have
to do with anything?
833
00:50:28,236 --> 00:50:30,403
- How do you know the words to this?
- Come on.
834
00:50:40,415 --> 00:50:43,717
What?
835
00:50:45,654 --> 00:50:47,286
But at some point,
836
00:50:47,288 --> 00:50:49,723
don't you think it just starts
to look a little ridiculous?
837
00:50:49,725 --> 00:50:53,125
Think about it, this guy was formally
the head of the committee...
838
00:50:53,127 --> 00:50:55,361
"Formerly," not "form-ally."
839
00:50:55,363 --> 00:50:56,998
I know, it's appalling.
840
00:50:58,366 --> 00:51:00,433
Seriously, the chocolate?
841
00:51:00,435 --> 00:51:03,637
We're not going to drink without eating.
Alcoholics do that.
842
00:51:03,639 --> 00:51:05,506
The chocolate
is the most expensive thing
843
00:51:05,508 --> 00:51:06,840
in the minibar
besides the...
844
00:51:06,842 --> 00:51:09,141
wine.
845
00:51:09,143 --> 00:51:11,177
Would you rather we had
ordered room service?
846
00:51:11,179 --> 00:51:12,479
Definitely not.
847
00:51:12,481 --> 00:51:14,481
I spoke to the front desk.
848
00:51:14,483 --> 00:51:17,316
They add a delivery fee,
a 17 percent gratuity,
849
00:51:17,318 --> 00:51:20,253
and some sort of fuckin' cover
charge, like we're in Italy.
850
00:51:20,255 --> 00:51:23,790
I've always wondered why
they give you two glasses
851
00:51:23,792 --> 00:51:25,592
even when
you're traveling alone.
852
00:51:25,594 --> 00:51:28,327
Because one
would be so sad.
853
00:51:28,329 --> 00:51:29,763
Here's to...
What?
854
00:51:29,765 --> 00:51:31,366
Please.
855
00:51:45,481 --> 00:51:47,781
It's not hashish.
856
00:51:47,783 --> 00:51:50,416
I'm not wearing anything
under my pajamas.
857
00:51:50,418 --> 00:51:52,218
Why would you?
They're so alluring.
858
00:51:52,220 --> 00:51:55,254
I didn't think I was gonna
be intimate this weekend.
859
00:51:55,256 --> 00:51:56,623
Or any weekend.
860
00:51:56,625 --> 00:51:58,825
Superman couldn't see
through those pajamas.
861
00:51:58,827 --> 00:52:00,192
So you tried.
862
00:52:00,194 --> 00:52:02,796
People have jousted
in lighter clothing.
863
00:52:02,798 --> 00:52:04,831
- Frank?
- Present.
864
00:52:04,833 --> 00:52:07,768
When you said before that
I was an attractive woman,
865
00:52:07,770 --> 00:52:09,402
what did you mean?
866
00:52:09,404 --> 00:52:11,137
What do you mean
what did I mean?
867
00:52:11,139 --> 00:52:13,172
You're an attractive woman.
You're physically appealing.
868
00:52:13,174 --> 00:52:14,577
Can you be more specific?
869
00:52:16,277 --> 00:52:19,580
Your facial features
subscribe to the Golden Ratio.
870
00:52:19,582 --> 00:52:21,247
What?
871
00:52:21,249 --> 00:52:24,250
One to the quantity one half
times radical five plus one.
872
00:52:24,252 --> 00:52:25,619
The Golden Ratio.
873
00:52:25,621 --> 00:52:27,186
You can tell that?
874
00:52:27,188 --> 00:52:28,789
It's an estimate.
875
00:52:28,791 --> 00:52:31,223
And you have
The Folds of Aphrodite.
876
00:52:31,225 --> 00:52:33,426
What are the Folds
of Aphrodite?
877
00:52:33,428 --> 00:52:35,428
That's the name of the
particular, graceful way
878
00:52:35,430 --> 00:52:36,797
that the cheeks
of beautiful women
879
00:52:36,799 --> 00:52:39,432
arrange themselves
when they smile.
880
00:52:39,434 --> 00:52:42,836
There's a gentle creasing
that begins at the cheekbone
881
00:52:42,838 --> 00:52:45,739
and runs downward,
in a slightly arced diagonal,
882
00:52:45,741 --> 00:52:48,942
directing the eye
to the mouth.
883
00:52:48,944 --> 00:52:51,179
It's aesthetically thrilling.
884
00:52:53,348 --> 00:52:56,850
Well...
I've never heard the term
885
00:52:56,852 --> 00:52:58,685
"Folds of Aphrodite."
886
00:52:58,687 --> 00:53:00,454
I coined it.
887
00:53:00,456 --> 00:53:02,388
Then it's not a real thing.
888
00:53:02,390 --> 00:53:04,858
Then it and you
are bullshit.
889
00:53:04,860 --> 00:53:07,594
I googled around and there was
no name for it so I coined it.
890
00:53:07,596 --> 00:53:10,464
- It's established now.
- Bullshit.
891
00:53:10,466 --> 00:53:13,967
In my experience, there's at least a 90
percent correlation between beautiful women
892
00:53:13,969 --> 00:53:16,670
- and women who have The Folds of Aphrodite.
- Oh...
893
00:53:16,672 --> 00:53:19,606
The Folds cut across races
and ethnicities.
894
00:53:19,608 --> 00:53:21,209
What else about me?
895
00:53:22,276 --> 00:53:23,543
Well...
896
00:53:27,683 --> 00:53:29,449
you're slender,
897
00:53:29,451 --> 00:53:32,218
but not to the point of a
troubled relationship with food.
898
00:53:32,220 --> 00:53:34,353
That's actionable profiling,
right there.
899
00:53:34,355 --> 00:53:36,355
File a grievance.
900
00:53:36,357 --> 00:53:39,793
And your curves are very
sexy but not vulgar.
901
00:53:39,795 --> 00:53:41,795
Everything very much
in proportion,
902
00:53:41,797 --> 00:53:43,964
firm but not overly,
903
00:53:43,966 --> 00:53:47,333
which I've always found
weird and prepossessing.
904
00:53:47,335 --> 00:53:50,504
Your arms bespeak physical
fitness and athleticism,
905
00:53:50,506 --> 00:53:52,304
but nothing sapphic.
906
00:53:52,306 --> 00:53:55,442
And your ankles quietly aver
907
00:53:55,444 --> 00:53:58,512
that you will keep your body
well into later age.
908
00:53:58,514 --> 00:54:01,615
It's despicable
the way men look at women.
909
00:54:01,617 --> 00:54:06,387
In short, you are beautiful,
graceful, and elegant.
910
00:54:07,890 --> 00:54:11,458
Also, you don't dress
in an overtly sexy way.
911
00:54:11,460 --> 00:54:13,627
You seem to understand
that dressing sexy
912
00:54:13,629 --> 00:54:16,429
is actually the opposite
of being sexy,
913
00:54:16,431 --> 00:54:18,665
that certain information
should have to be earned,
914
00:54:18,667 --> 00:54:20,534
rather than given away
for free
915
00:54:20,536 --> 00:54:23,436
to anyone and everyone
who passeth by your doorstep.
916
00:54:23,438 --> 00:54:25,605
If this were 1732.
917
00:54:25,607 --> 00:54:26,973
I'm giving you
a compliment.
918
00:54:26,975 --> 00:54:28,475
You're calling me
a prude.
919
00:54:28,477 --> 00:54:30,610
I'm suggesting that
you've taken the high road.
920
00:54:30,612 --> 00:54:32,779
Even in this flagrant,
flaunting day and age,
921
00:54:32,781 --> 00:54:35,015
you have chosen
to preserve the mystery.
922
00:54:35,017 --> 00:54:39,722
Yes, the pajamas go too far,
but I applaud the ethos.
923
00:54:41,824 --> 00:54:44,323
- Would you like to know about you?
- No.
924
00:54:44,325 --> 00:54:45,561
Yes, you would.
925
00:54:47,529 --> 00:54:49,463
You're very handsome.
926
00:54:49,465 --> 00:54:52,466
You have powerful eyes.
927
00:54:52,468 --> 00:54:55,469
Your hair
will never be a problem.
928
00:54:55,471 --> 00:54:58,572
The corners
of your mouth touch
929
00:54:58,574 --> 00:55:02,976
but do not cross the vertical
lines which bisect your eyes.
930
00:55:02,978 --> 00:55:06,345
In profile, your chin extends
exactly the same as your lower lip,
931
00:55:06,347 --> 00:55:08,314
which is an ideal.
932
00:55:08,316 --> 00:55:13,352
Bodily, you feel strong and
substantial, sinuous but not wiry.
933
00:55:13,354 --> 00:55:15,088
Sartorially,
you get high marks.
934
00:55:15,090 --> 00:55:16,823
You tuck in your shirts
because you realize
935
00:55:16,825 --> 00:55:19,860
that tails out is
a ridiculous way to dress.
936
00:55:19,862 --> 00:55:22,763
You wear your pants low, and
your shoes are legitimate.
937
00:55:22,765 --> 00:55:26,833
And you have
a beautiful penis.
938
00:55:26,835 --> 00:55:28,535
I do?
939
00:55:28,537 --> 00:55:30,003
Oh, come on, Frank.
940
00:55:30,005 --> 00:55:32,875
Surely people have told you
that your entire life.
941
00:55:34,042 --> 00:55:35,442
No.
942
00:55:35,444 --> 00:55:37,778
Well, it's very nice.
943
00:55:37,780 --> 00:55:39,446
It's straight,
944
00:55:39,448 --> 00:55:41,982
and you would not believe how
epidemic a problem that is.
945
00:55:41,984 --> 00:55:45,786
Also,
it's balletically formed.
946
00:55:45,788 --> 00:55:51,091
It's not so big as to ever
be a cause for concern,
947
00:55:51,093 --> 00:55:54,795
but it's big enough never to be
the object of ridicule or scorn.
948
00:55:54,797 --> 00:55:57,798
You're in
a very sweet spot there.
949
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:00,634
Are you saying that Keith's
penis is not straight?
950
00:56:00,636 --> 00:56:04,436
Can you imagine that we would
have gone this entire weekend
951
00:56:04,438 --> 00:56:06,840
without saying these
things to each other?
952
00:56:06,842 --> 00:56:09,509
- "Balletically formed"?
- That's right.
953
00:56:09,511 --> 00:56:13,013
People are
ridiculous and pathetic.
954
00:56:13,015 --> 00:56:16,082
Animals, that's all.
955
00:56:16,084 --> 00:56:19,920
We want to believe that there's some
high-minded, cosmic meaning behind love,
956
00:56:19,922 --> 00:56:21,621
but the truth is
we're drawn to,
957
00:56:21,623 --> 00:56:23,557
and make most of our
decisions based upon,
958
00:56:23,559 --> 00:56:27,794
shapes we find appealing,
and colors and textures
959
00:56:27,796 --> 00:56:31,464
and smells and tastes
and spatial relations.
960
00:56:31,466 --> 00:56:33,867
It's so stupid.
961
00:56:33,869 --> 00:56:36,069
This is pretty good.
962
00:56:36,071 --> 00:56:38,138
I mean, when I think about
what people look like
963
00:56:38,140 --> 00:56:41,775
when they kiss or have sex,
I want to vomit.
964
00:56:41,777 --> 00:56:43,677
You almost did vomit.
965
00:56:43,679 --> 00:56:47,447
I mean, there's nothing beautiful
or transcendent about being human.
966
00:56:47,449 --> 00:56:49,950
Ultimately,
it's just a filthy business
967
00:56:49,952 --> 00:56:53,653
of a revolting species
trying to survive.
968
00:56:53,655 --> 00:56:56,489
I mean, if you've ever really
watched another person eat,
969
00:56:56,491 --> 00:56:58,625
or seen yourself in a mirror
taking a shit,
970
00:56:58,627 --> 00:57:01,494
or walked through
South Coast Plaza,
971
00:57:01,496 --> 00:57:03,496
you know exactly
what I'm talking about.
972
00:57:03,498 --> 00:57:06,132
But I had my eyes open
when I was fucking you,
973
00:57:06,134 --> 00:57:08,034
and I thought we must
have looked pretty good.
974
00:57:08,036 --> 00:57:10,971
My father thought
he had a good golf swing.
975
00:57:12,174 --> 00:57:13,475
Wait.
976
00:57:16,211 --> 00:57:18,912
Do a groove chew.
977
00:57:18,914 --> 00:57:20,747
I'm sorry?
978
00:57:20,749 --> 00:57:22,749
It's a style
of chewing used
979
00:57:22,751 --> 00:57:24,551
when you're really
enjoying something
980
00:57:24,553 --> 00:57:26,620
that you don't have
very often.
981
00:57:26,622 --> 00:57:28,123
Like this.
982
00:57:30,626 --> 00:57:31,627
Mm!
983
00:57:33,061 --> 00:57:33,996
Mm!
984
00:57:36,899 --> 00:57:39,132
- This is a thing?
- I coined it.
985
00:57:39,134 --> 00:57:41,501
And you're not embarrassed?
986
00:57:41,503 --> 00:57:43,138
All right, just come on.
Just try.
987
00:57:46,642 --> 00:57:47,974
- Mmm...
- Mm.
988
00:57:47,976 --> 00:57:50,479
- Mmm!
- Mmm-mm!
989
00:57:57,185 --> 00:57:59,653
- Can you groove swallow?
- You can.
990
00:57:59,655 --> 00:58:01,757
- Can we groove swallow now?
- Okay, fine.
991
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:19,942
- Huh?
- Uh...
992
00:58:26,181 --> 00:58:28,517
I remember the
first time I ever saw you.
993
00:58:29,685 --> 00:58:31,217
It was a partial nephrectomy.
994
00:58:31,219 --> 00:58:34,623
You were standing in for Dr.
Sumner who had an emergency.
995
00:58:36,124 --> 00:58:37,857
With your cap and mask,
996
00:58:37,859 --> 00:58:39,928
all I could see
were your eyes.
997
00:58:41,563 --> 00:58:43,065
And I remember thinking...
998
00:58:44,032 --> 00:58:45,534
thank God.
999
00:58:47,869 --> 00:58:50,603
Because anything more
would be too much to bear.
1000
00:58:50,605 --> 00:58:52,539
Stop worrying
about fucking each other
1001
00:58:52,541 --> 00:58:55,108
and start saving the people
who are dying in your hospital.
1002
00:58:55,110 --> 00:58:58,111
Your patient has a
snake in his urethra.
1003
00:58:58,113 --> 00:59:00,146
You should all
lose your licenses.
1004
00:59:00,148 --> 00:59:03,583
When my time comes,
I will sign a DNR.
1005
00:59:03,585 --> 00:59:06,052
I won't.
I want to be resuscitated.
1006
00:59:06,054 --> 00:59:09,155
I want to be intubated, revived,
retrieved, and prolonged.
1007
00:59:09,157 --> 00:59:10,623
I want them
to zap me with clappers
1008
00:59:10,625 --> 00:59:14,194
and inject my heart with that long needle
of adrenaline... whatever it takes.
1009
00:59:14,196 --> 00:59:16,229
What? But, what if
there's no hope?
1010
00:59:16,231 --> 00:59:17,697
There's already no hope.
1011
00:59:17,699 --> 00:59:20,266
But what if you're just
a burden to your family
1012
00:59:20,268 --> 00:59:22,936
and, by extension, the
entire health-care system?
1013
00:59:22,938 --> 00:59:24,137
Won't give a shit.
1014
00:59:24,139 --> 00:59:26,106
I want them
to stave off death.
1015
00:59:26,108 --> 00:59:28,775
I don't care if there's turnips
with better brain-wave patterns.
1016
00:59:28,777 --> 00:59:30,010
Legumes.
1017
00:59:30,012 --> 00:59:31,878
But I thought
you hated life.
1018
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,080
I do, but I'm going to
be dead for a long time,
1019
00:59:34,082 --> 00:59:36,016
so there's no rush.
1020
00:59:36,018 --> 00:59:37,317
Do you want
to have children?
1021
00:59:37,319 --> 00:59:38,852
I'd rather be dead
in a ditch.
1022
00:59:38,854 --> 00:59:40,820
Oh.
1023
00:59:40,822 --> 00:59:43,189
I mean, why would I do
that to those poor souls?
1024
00:59:43,191 --> 00:59:45,825
Well, for the same reason
you want to be resuscitated.
1025
00:59:45,827 --> 00:59:49,696
Because being, as bad as it
is, is better than not being.
1026
00:59:49,698 --> 00:59:51,831
This is a horrible place
to be.
1027
00:59:51,833 --> 00:59:54,100
Central California,
or the whole thing?
1028
00:59:54,102 --> 00:59:56,770
I'm already alive.
I already know shit.
1029
00:59:56,772 --> 00:59:58,738
But unborn children
are none the wiser
1030
00:59:58,740 --> 01:00:00,673
and deserve to be protected
from certain things,
1031
01:00:00,675 --> 01:00:02,142
like being alive
in the first place.
1032
01:00:02,144 --> 01:00:03,910
That makes no sense.
1033
01:00:03,912 --> 01:00:06,079
Living was not my choice.
It was my mother's.
1034
01:00:06,081 --> 01:00:08,114
Have you ever heard
of anything more selfish?
1035
01:00:08,116 --> 01:00:10,817
- I hope I'm not pregnant.
- That's all I'm saying.
1036
01:00:10,819 --> 01:00:12,919
Why did your father
leave your mother?
1037
01:00:12,921 --> 01:00:14,087
Because he could.
1038
01:00:14,089 --> 01:00:16,222
Because he had the power
of locomotion.
1039
01:00:16,224 --> 01:00:20,093
Why did she keep and hyphenate
both her divorced last names?
1040
01:00:20,095 --> 01:00:22,695
Because she thought
it made her sound aristocratic.
1041
01:00:22,697 --> 01:00:24,297
Also, this way
she gets all her mail.
1042
01:00:24,299 --> 01:00:28,268
And what would you say
is the major barrier
1043
01:00:28,270 --> 01:00:30,870
to a warm relationship between
you and your half-brother?
1044
01:00:30,872 --> 01:00:33,640
He's a douchebag. Why are you
asking me these questions?
1045
01:00:33,642 --> 01:00:35,775
Just... I don't know.
1046
01:00:35,777 --> 01:00:39,813
I'm just evaluating your qualifications
as an ongoing love interest.
1047
01:00:39,815 --> 01:00:41,681
Not that
I'm advocating that.
1048
01:00:41,683 --> 01:00:44,284
Clearly, you're an emotional
cripple, as am I.
1049
01:00:44,286 --> 01:00:49,055
I don't have any qualifications as an
ongoing love interest and neither do you.
1050
01:00:49,057 --> 01:00:51,157
But love interest
is too strong a word.
1051
01:00:51,159 --> 01:00:53,093
I, um... Affection.
1052
01:00:53,095 --> 01:00:54,727
Interest.
Tolerance interest.
1053
01:00:54,729 --> 01:00:56,729
This isn't
going to be ongoing.
1054
01:00:56,731 --> 01:00:58,898
What, you've just decided
that unilaterally?
1055
01:00:58,900 --> 01:01:01,301
- For both our sakes.
- I don't get a say?
1056
01:01:01,303 --> 01:01:03,970
No, you have terrible judgment
in this regard.
1057
01:01:03,972 --> 01:01:07,040
What, but... I...
1058
01:01:07,042 --> 01:01:10,777
My head is finally
clear, thanks to you.
1059
01:01:10,779 --> 01:01:13,379
I mean, I haven't thought about
Keith since the mountain lion.
1060
01:01:13,381 --> 01:01:16,015
So you admit
it was a mountain lion.
1061
01:01:16,017 --> 01:01:18,885
Do you have any idea
how huge this is for me?
1062
01:01:18,887 --> 01:01:20,787
If it's true,
the mountain lion and I
1063
01:01:20,789 --> 01:01:23,189
are happy to have
performed that service.
1064
01:01:23,191 --> 01:01:26,793
But now, apparently, no
good deed goes unpunished.
1065
01:01:26,795 --> 01:01:28,928
I think
I finally have closure.
1066
01:01:28,930 --> 01:01:31,164
I don't trust that statement
and neither should you.
1067
01:01:31,166 --> 01:01:32,799
But you want to.
1068
01:01:32,801 --> 01:01:35,034
You don't just jump from one
love object to another.
1069
01:01:35,036 --> 01:01:36,936
- Tolerance object.
- That's how mistakes are made.
1070
01:01:36,938 --> 01:01:38,705
All I make are mistakes.
1071
01:01:38,707 --> 01:01:40,173
At least this one
would be fun.
1072
01:01:40,175 --> 01:01:41,841
Are you having fun
right now?
1073
01:01:41,843 --> 01:01:45,147
Yes. I mean, we're kind of
arguing, but there's hope.
1074
01:01:46,248 --> 01:01:48,081
This is an interlude.
1075
01:01:48,083 --> 01:01:49,782
A weekend.
1076
01:01:49,784 --> 01:01:52,352
A small oasis of time
in which we can taste intimacy
1077
01:01:52,354 --> 01:01:55,755
like it's a piece of free
salami at Trader Joe's.
1078
01:01:55,757 --> 01:01:58,925
Why not? You're in the store anyway,
and you forgot to eat breakfast,
1079
01:01:58,927 --> 01:02:02,295
and it tastes okay, and afterwards
there's no salami fallout.
1080
01:02:02,297 --> 01:02:05,798
When no one's looking, you just
drop the toothpick onto the floor.
1081
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,502
Man, you're not one of the...
Do you do that?
1082
01:02:08,504 --> 01:02:10,370
Well, there's no garbage
pails in that place,
1083
01:02:10,372 --> 01:02:13,474
and it's unsanitary to put the
toothpick on the receptacle napkin.
1084
01:02:13,476 --> 01:02:15,341
All right,
le... just... Okay.
1085
01:02:15,343 --> 01:02:16,910
Just... I'm just
devil's advocate.
1086
01:02:16,912 --> 01:02:19,012
Maybe...
1087
01:02:19,014 --> 01:02:20,747
just what if, okay?
1088
01:02:20,749 --> 01:02:22,348
What if it's more?
1089
01:02:22,350 --> 01:02:25,318
What if there actually
is something to the idea
1090
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:27,187
of a destination wedding?
1091
01:02:27,189 --> 01:02:30,823
What if we've been thinking about
this whole thing backwards?
1092
01:02:30,825 --> 01:02:32,992
What if...
1093
01:02:32,994 --> 01:02:37,797
I know, but what if our real
destination was each other?
1094
01:02:37,799 --> 01:02:39,968
What if you
never say that again?
1095
01:02:41,970 --> 01:02:44,971
What if happiness
is... contagious?
1096
01:02:44,973 --> 01:02:46,406
Why would you think
that meeting someone
1097
01:02:46,408 --> 01:02:48,241
has anything to do
with being happy?
1098
01:02:48,243 --> 01:02:49,776
Because!
1099
01:02:49,778 --> 01:02:51,377
Once upon a time,
I met someone,
1100
01:02:51,379 --> 01:02:53,547
and I was happy...
I thought.
1101
01:02:53,549 --> 01:02:55,882
Personally, I'd be worried
if my life philosophy
1102
01:02:55,884 --> 01:02:57,518
began with
"Once Upon a Time."
1103
01:02:57,520 --> 01:02:59,520
Well, I was raised
by optimists.
1104
01:02:59,522 --> 01:03:01,555
But you have a preponderance
of counter-evidence.
1105
01:03:01,557 --> 01:03:03,389
Were you not watching
your own engagement?
1106
01:03:03,391 --> 01:03:05,492
- How could I have been?
- What's wrong with you?
1107
01:03:05,494 --> 01:03:08,161
Nothing. Sometimes I just
willfully reject irony.
1108
01:03:08,163 --> 01:03:09,530
You are doomed.
1109
01:03:09,532 --> 01:03:12,165
Maybe we saved
each other, Frank.
1110
01:03:12,167 --> 01:03:14,367
I mean, did you ever
think about it like that?
1111
01:03:14,369 --> 01:03:17,036
No. Neither should you.
1112
01:03:17,038 --> 01:03:19,872
I wonder how many
people met at weddings
1113
01:03:19,874 --> 01:03:22,275
- and then went on to...
- Thirty-two.
1114
01:03:22,277 --> 01:03:25,178
Why not, you know,
extend the oasis?
1115
01:03:25,180 --> 01:03:27,514
A good day here,
a good day there,
1116
01:03:27,516 --> 01:03:30,850
pretty soon you're just talking
about a couple of good days.
1117
01:03:30,852 --> 01:03:32,852
What time does our flight
land tomorrow night?
1118
01:03:32,854 --> 01:03:34,455
I don't know,
about 7:30?
1119
01:03:34,457 --> 01:03:37,824
I will extend it until
tomorrow at about 7:30.
1120
01:03:37,826 --> 01:03:41,261
Well, there's no point in
extending it another four seconds
1121
01:03:41,263 --> 01:03:44,163
if you're not gonna keep your
mind open to the possibilities.
1122
01:03:44,165 --> 01:03:46,299
Why do people need the
dangled carrot of a future?
1123
01:03:46,301 --> 01:03:47,501
Because we do.
1124
01:03:47,503 --> 01:03:49,470
Because connection
is precious,
1125
01:03:49,472 --> 01:03:52,071
therefore, it is immoral
1126
01:03:52,073 --> 01:03:54,941
to just treat each other
like dalliances,
1127
01:03:54,943 --> 01:03:57,277
even if that's what
we wind up being.
1128
01:03:57,279 --> 01:03:59,245
But that's exactly what
we wind up being.
1129
01:03:59,247 --> 01:04:01,881
Permanence is a myth,
an a... an illusion.
1130
01:04:01,883 --> 01:04:03,983
Well, I didn't say anything
about permanence.
1131
01:04:03,985 --> 01:04:07,854
I was speaking of a slightly
lengthier temporariness.
1132
01:04:07,856 --> 01:04:09,022
What's the point?
1133
01:04:09,024 --> 01:04:10,990
I just told you
what the point was.
1134
01:04:10,992 --> 01:04:14,093
But when it's over, you're
right back at square zero.
1135
01:04:14,095 --> 01:04:16,129
I will not
keep my mind open.
1136
01:04:16,131 --> 01:04:18,097
Well, then
just keep it open
1137
01:04:18,099 --> 01:04:20,467
to the possibility
of keeping it open.
1138
01:04:20,469 --> 01:04:21,403
No.
1139
01:04:22,937 --> 01:04:24,404
Really?
1140
01:04:24,406 --> 01:04:29,075
Oh, wow. That's... I...
I'm almost, I'm almost...
1141
01:04:29,077 --> 01:04:31,044
You know what,
if you can't or won't,
1142
01:04:31,046 --> 01:04:33,379
then you simply
can't or won't.
1143
01:04:33,381 --> 01:04:35,348
- That's my blanket.
- "That's my blanket."
1144
01:04:35,350 --> 01:04:37,216
You might want to shake out
the Pringle fragments.
1145
01:04:37,218 --> 01:04:38,918
"You might want to shake out
the Pringle fragments."
1146
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:40,119
If you want to leave,
just say so.
1147
01:04:40,121 --> 01:04:42,221
- I very much want to leave.
- Say it again.
1148
01:04:42,223 --> 01:04:44,157
You debate like a child.
1149
01:04:44,159 --> 01:04:46,159
You eat like a raccoon.
1150
01:04:46,161 --> 01:04:47,563
You're fucking up.
1151
01:04:52,501 --> 01:04:54,267
How about
if I keep my mind open
1152
01:04:54,269 --> 01:04:56,302
to the possibility
of keeping my mind open
1153
01:04:56,304 --> 01:04:59,007
to the possibility
of keeping my mind open?
1154
01:05:00,275 --> 01:05:03,510
That is just one metalevel
too removed.
1155
01:05:03,512 --> 01:05:05,446
Come on.
1156
01:05:05,448 --> 01:05:06,915
Get back into bed.
1157
01:05:08,416 --> 01:05:10,952
Let's find out who the
nephrologist is sleeping with.
1158
01:05:12,455 --> 01:05:14,387
Fine.
1159
01:05:14,389 --> 01:05:16,923
But only until
the next commercial break.
1160
01:05:16,925 --> 01:05:19,460
And with no sexual reprise.
1161
01:05:19,462 --> 01:05:24,465
And only because I do want to know who
the nephrologist is sleeping with.
1162
01:05:24,467 --> 01:05:25,998
Okay.
1163
01:05:29,371 --> 01:05:33,574
When I look at
you, I don't see smallpox.
1164
01:05:33,576 --> 01:05:34,974
And it's "re-prize."
1165
01:05:34,976 --> 01:05:36,142
It's "re-preeze."
1166
01:05:36,144 --> 01:05:38,947
- "Re-prize."
- It's... "re-preeze."
1167
01:07:08,804 --> 01:07:10,604
Jesus,
is it Kristallnacht?
1168
01:07:10,606 --> 01:07:12,171
Oh, it's housekeeping.
1169
01:07:12,173 --> 01:07:14,173
They're not going to
get that reference.
1170
01:07:15,310 --> 01:07:17,210
Mas retardos!
1171
01:07:17,212 --> 01:07:21,249
Ah...
1172
01:07:22,485 --> 01:07:26,687
Oh... You shouldn't be in here.
1173
01:07:26,689 --> 01:07:28,321
This is my room.
1174
01:07:28,323 --> 01:07:29,756
Then I shouldn't be
in here.
1175
01:07:29,758 --> 01:07:32,391
Okay.
1176
01:07:32,393 --> 01:07:34,461
How did I wind up
in this position?
1177
01:07:34,463 --> 01:07:36,262
You made some
poor life choices.
1178
01:07:36,264 --> 01:07:39,065
No, in this position.
I'm half off the bed.
1179
01:07:39,067 --> 01:07:41,468
Why is my nose bleeding?
1180
01:07:41,470 --> 01:07:44,303
I think I have a spinal injury.
1181
01:07:44,305 --> 01:07:46,205
You feel pregnant?
1182
01:07:46,207 --> 01:07:47,474
I wouldn't know.
1183
01:07:47,476 --> 01:07:49,208
What's your gut say?
1184
01:07:49,210 --> 01:07:50,644
What it always says.
1185
01:07:50,646 --> 01:07:52,579
"Don't listen to me."
1186
01:07:52,581 --> 01:07:54,615
But if you did listen?
1187
01:07:54,617 --> 01:07:57,216
I don't feel any different,
if that's what you mean.
1188
01:07:57,218 --> 01:08:00,086
- Good.
- How is that good?
1189
01:08:00,088 --> 01:08:03,790
Why would you want me to perpetuate
my general circumstances?
1190
01:08:03,792 --> 01:08:05,826
You can do anything you want
with your circumstances.
1191
01:08:05,828 --> 01:08:07,661
I was thinking
of my circumstances.
1192
01:08:07,663 --> 01:08:09,563
Which are so wonderful.
1193
01:08:09,565 --> 01:08:11,330
We shouldn't have spent
the night together.
1194
01:08:11,332 --> 01:08:12,633
You wouldn't let me leave.
1195
01:08:12,635 --> 01:08:14,635
I didn't want it to end
on a bad note.
1196
01:08:14,637 --> 01:08:15,869
Also,
you're in the next room.
1197
01:08:15,871 --> 01:08:17,771
It would have been
spectacularly awkward.
1198
01:08:17,773 --> 01:08:19,240
As opposed to this.
1199
01:08:20,509 --> 01:08:23,777
We tried, okay?
We did.
1200
01:08:23,779 --> 01:08:27,346
But at some point there's just not
enough optimism left inside a person
1201
01:08:27,348 --> 01:08:30,216
to sustain something
like this, you know?
1202
01:08:30,218 --> 01:08:32,686
You broken preacher,
me broken choir.
1203
01:08:32,688 --> 01:08:35,354
I think it's important we recognize
that and verbalize it openly,
1204
01:08:35,356 --> 01:08:37,390
so as to avoid
any discomfort.
1205
01:08:37,392 --> 01:08:40,226
Oh. Mission accomplished.
1206
01:08:40,228 --> 01:08:41,497
Good.
1207
01:08:46,635 --> 01:08:49,168
Do you have everything?
1208
01:08:49,170 --> 01:08:51,805
Oh, um... Yeah.
1209
01:08:51,807 --> 01:08:54,775
I think, uh, my...
1210
01:08:54,777 --> 01:08:57,410
Can we still hang together
at the farewell brunch?
1211
01:08:57,412 --> 01:08:59,211
Uh, who else
am I gonna hang with?
1212
01:08:59,213 --> 01:09:01,347
Although I suppose
I could hang with myself.
1213
01:09:01,349 --> 01:09:05,752
Well, I'm going to shove some tissues
up my nostrils and take a shower.
1214
01:09:05,754 --> 01:09:07,790
Sounds like
good-bye to me.
1215
01:09:23,906 --> 01:09:26,807
Well, what do you think, about
time we head to the airport?
1216
01:09:26,809 --> 01:09:28,274
It's really close.
1217
01:09:28,276 --> 01:09:29,643
Fifteen minutes.
1218
01:09:29,645 --> 01:09:32,613
- Well, our flight's not for...
- Five hours.
1219
01:09:32,615 --> 01:09:34,815
- There could be traffic.
- Why take chances?
1220
01:09:34,817 --> 01:09:36,652
Then we should just
say our good-byes.
1221
01:09:38,454 --> 01:09:39,588
Good-bye.
1222
01:09:43,626 --> 01:09:45,291
Want your farewell gift?
1223
01:09:45,293 --> 01:09:47,896
The farewell is my gift,
but please, take mine.
1224
01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:07,413
Who was San Luis Obispo,
anyway?
1225
01:10:07,415 --> 01:10:09,816
And what the fuck did he do
to become a saint?
1226
01:10:09,818 --> 01:10:12,619
Thirteenth Century Bishop
of Toulouse.
1227
01:10:12,621 --> 01:10:16,355
Served the poor, left the
Church, and died of typhus.
1228
01:10:16,357 --> 01:10:17,958
That's all it takes?
1229
01:10:17,960 --> 01:10:19,593
It was in
the welcome basket.
1230
01:10:19,595 --> 01:10:22,328
Why would you canonize a guy
who left the Church?
1231
01:10:22,330 --> 01:10:25,565
Why look to France when you're
naming a city in California?
1232
01:10:25,567 --> 01:10:27,734
And what the fuck happened
with the urban planning here?
1233
01:10:27,736 --> 01:10:30,570
- At some point, did they just give up?
- Right.
1234
01:10:30,572 --> 01:10:33,406
On the off, off chance
that I ever have a wedding,
1235
01:10:33,408 --> 01:10:36,843
I would never make
anyone travel to it.
1236
01:10:36,845 --> 01:10:38,914
I don't think you'll have
to worry about that.
1237
01:10:45,420 --> 01:10:46,922
Because you're
a decent person.
1238
01:10:48,791 --> 01:10:50,924
Not because
you won't get married.
1239
01:10:50,926 --> 01:10:52,293
Oh, come on.
1240
01:11:05,406 --> 01:11:07,408
Why do we live, Frank?
1241
01:11:08,043 --> 01:11:10,276
Oh, Jesus Christ.
1242
01:11:10,278 --> 01:11:12,512
I'm serious.
1243
01:11:12,514 --> 01:11:15,381
The work we do isn't
meaningful in any great sense.
1244
01:11:15,383 --> 01:11:18,350
The connections we make
invariably fall to ruin.
1245
01:11:18,352 --> 01:11:20,987
Everything we build
burns to the ground.
1246
01:11:20,989 --> 01:11:24,524
Meaning is a myth, like you've
said, so why do we live?
1247
01:11:24,526 --> 01:11:27,461
I was so enjoying
the silence.
1248
01:11:27,463 --> 01:11:31,832
It has to be that the myth
isn't a myth for everyone.
1249
01:11:31,834 --> 01:11:34,901
Well, it's certainly a myth
for those two. Look at them.
1250
01:11:34,903 --> 01:11:37,738
They'd rather burst into flames
than to fuck each other.
1251
01:11:37,740 --> 01:11:40,707
- You don't know that.
- Oh, yes, I do.
1252
01:11:40,709 --> 01:11:46,412
It's possible that within the
myth, there's a sliver of truth,
1253
01:11:46,414 --> 01:11:49,082
and you have to believe
in that sliver wholeheartedly,
1254
01:11:49,084 --> 01:11:52,418
come what may,
despite the rational mind,
1255
01:11:52,420 --> 01:11:55,956
because if you...
if you don't,
1256
01:11:55,958 --> 01:11:58,759
the myth just reveals
itself to be a myth,
1257
01:11:58,761 --> 01:12:02,496
and meaninglessness becomes
a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1258
01:12:02,498 --> 01:12:07,567
Try as I might, I cannot get
behind wine in screw-top bottles.
1259
01:12:07,569 --> 01:12:11,403
Also, you have to encourage
others to believe in the myth.
1260
01:12:11,405 --> 01:12:13,607
Because if they believe,
they can do anything.
1261
01:12:13,609 --> 01:12:16,710
They can laugh,
cry, hope,
1262
01:12:16,712 --> 01:12:18,912
vote, get married.
1263
01:12:18,914 --> 01:12:21,882
But if they don't, they can't
do anything, I mean not really,
1264
01:12:21,884 --> 01:12:26,520
except make themselves as shallowly
happy and comfortable as possible.
1265
01:12:26,522 --> 01:12:29,756
Which is just vanity,
let's face it.
1266
01:12:29,758 --> 01:12:32,759
For me,
wine in a screw-top
1267
01:12:32,761 --> 01:12:35,664
will always carry the
stench of chintziness.
1268
01:12:37,666 --> 01:12:41,001
What if we're
falling in love?
1269
01:12:41,003 --> 01:12:43,837
Don't get me wrong,
I'm not a big fan of cork.
1270
01:12:43,839 --> 01:12:46,139
You ever see it on a wall or
in the heels of an espadrille?
1271
01:12:46,141 --> 01:12:47,641
Ridiculous.
1272
01:12:47,643 --> 01:12:51,678
But for wine, it conveys
a certain necessary élan.
1273
01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:53,780
What if love
comes for everyone?
1274
01:12:53,782 --> 01:12:55,849
Don't be absurd.
1275
01:12:55,851 --> 01:12:59,452
What if no one is immune,
not even us?
1276
01:12:59,454 --> 01:13:00,522
Stop it.
1277
01:13:02,758 --> 01:13:05,692
It would be remiss
not to embrace the miracle.
1278
01:13:05,694 --> 01:13:07,961
What happened between us
was not a miracle.
1279
01:13:07,963 --> 01:13:09,996
It was actually much closer
to a debacle.
1280
01:13:09,998 --> 01:13:12,065
- Maybe that's what you meant.
- Oh, come on.
1281
01:13:12,067 --> 01:13:13,800
You don't find it miraculous
1282
01:13:13,802 --> 01:13:16,703
that two people like us
forged any kind of bond?
1283
01:13:16,705 --> 01:13:19,506
I find it "debaculous."
1284
01:13:19,508 --> 01:13:21,174
It was a miracle.
1285
01:13:21,176 --> 01:13:23,944
It required forever
being seated together.
1286
01:13:23,946 --> 01:13:27,514
It required an adjoining door
and a near-death experience.
1287
01:13:27,516 --> 01:13:29,149
What are you waiting for,
a burning bush?
1288
01:13:29,151 --> 01:13:31,885
I can't believe you're
bringing this up again.
1289
01:13:31,887 --> 01:13:33,653
I thought we had
an understanding.
1290
01:13:33,655 --> 01:13:35,956
We had come
to an agreement.
1291
01:13:35,958 --> 01:13:38,692
We're less than an hour away
from parting as friends.
1292
01:13:38,694 --> 01:13:40,460
Okay, but deep down,
1293
01:13:40,462 --> 01:13:43,429
in your broken,
miserable gut,
1294
01:13:43,431 --> 01:13:46,633
don't you want something
that's pure
1295
01:13:46,635 --> 01:13:49,102
and in its own grotesque
way, beautiful?
1296
01:13:49,104 --> 01:13:51,071
No.
1297
01:13:51,073 --> 01:13:54,808
Don't you want to secretly
have a romantic life
1298
01:13:54,810 --> 01:13:58,044
that confirms your hopes
instead of your cynicism?
1299
01:13:58,046 --> 01:13:59,579
No.
1300
01:13:59,581 --> 01:14:01,581
Don't you want to believe
that things like this
1301
01:14:01,583 --> 01:14:02,949
actually do happen?
1302
01:14:02,951 --> 01:14:04,918
Nope. I'm fond
of my cynicism.
1303
01:14:04,920 --> 01:14:07,120
It's very comfortable.
1304
01:14:07,122 --> 01:14:09,656
- Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
- Yes. Yes.
1305
01:14:09,658 --> 01:14:11,625
I'm very comfortable
and warm
1306
01:14:11,627 --> 01:14:14,129
in my fucking warm blanket
of fucking shit.
1307
01:14:18,066 --> 01:14:20,567
But what if
we're falling in love?
1308
01:14:20,569 --> 01:14:21,835
Dear God...
1309
01:14:21,837 --> 01:14:24,638
I mean, what if this
is what it's like?
1310
01:14:24,640 --> 01:14:26,473
It would end
in disaster.
1311
01:14:26,475 --> 01:14:27,841
- What if it didn't?
- It would.
1312
01:14:27,843 --> 01:14:29,645
- I know.
- Good.
1313
01:14:32,581 --> 01:14:34,781
- But...
- Stop.
1314
01:14:34,783 --> 01:14:36,151
- Ah...
- Stop.
1315
01:14:37,653 --> 01:14:40,654
But...
1316
01:14:47,863 --> 01:14:49,631
Oh!
1317
01:14:53,735 --> 01:14:55,702
This is not funny. Don't
laugh at me, please.
1318
01:14:55,704 --> 01:14:58,204
I'm laughing
out of affection.
1319
01:14:58,206 --> 01:15:00,173
No one laughs at another
person out of affection.
1320
01:15:00,175 --> 01:15:02,075
You laugh at another
person out of contempt.
1321
01:15:02,077 --> 01:15:04,177
No. I'm laughing
'cause it's cute.
1322
01:15:04,179 --> 01:15:05,712
- It is?
- Yes.
1323
01:15:05,714 --> 01:15:07,514
But, fine,
I'll stop laughing.
1324
01:15:07,516 --> 01:15:08,450
Thank you.
1325
01:15:13,622 --> 01:15:15,155
- Frank?
- Yes?
1326
01:15:15,157 --> 01:15:18,258
Don't you, like,
have an instinct about me?
1327
01:15:18,260 --> 01:15:19,528
Nope.
1328
01:15:21,163 --> 01:15:23,863
I think you do.
1329
01:15:23,865 --> 01:15:26,666
You're the one who said
your gut can't be trusted.
1330
01:15:26,668 --> 01:15:28,034
That's true.
1331
01:15:28,036 --> 01:15:30,603
For a long time,
it's been a lying bitch.
1332
01:15:30,605 --> 01:15:32,772
But I would have been willing
to give it another shot.
1333
01:15:32,774 --> 01:15:34,774
Why? I mean, how much shit
has to fall on your head
1334
01:15:34,776 --> 01:15:36,609
before you start
wearing a hat?
1335
01:15:36,611 --> 01:15:39,813
You can't die from jumping
out of a basement window.
1336
01:15:39,815 --> 01:15:42,551
Of course you can. You can hit
your head on a pipe or something.
1337
01:15:45,921 --> 01:15:48,088
You're going to wish you
embraced the miracle, Frank.
1338
01:15:48,090 --> 01:15:49,691
You're gonna wish you had.
1339
01:16:28,864 --> 01:16:31,297
How are your pants,
John Wayne Bobbitt?
1340
01:16:31,299 --> 01:16:33,268
Sticky.
1341
01:16:40,642 --> 01:16:43,610
We shouldn't exchange
contact information.
1342
01:16:43,612 --> 01:16:45,178
There's no point.
1343
01:16:45,180 --> 01:16:46,748
I think
I just said that.
1344
01:16:48,283 --> 01:16:50,884
It was very nice
to meet you.
1345
01:16:50,886 --> 01:16:53,021
It was very nice
to meet you too.
1346
01:16:59,661 --> 01:17:01,327
I know what
you're going to say...
1347
01:17:01,329 --> 01:17:04,097
- "It's not you, it's me."
- No, it's you.
1348
01:17:04,099 --> 01:17:06,399
It's me.
1349
01:17:06,401 --> 01:17:07,867
Yeah.
I know.
1350
01:17:07,869 --> 01:17:10,136
- It's you.
- I... Yep.
1351
01:17:26,154 --> 01:17:27,656
I liked the bow
though.
1352
01:17:42,370 --> 01:17:45,405
Why didn't we meet
seven years ago, Frank?
1353
01:17:45,407 --> 01:17:46,975
Just lucky, I guess.
1354
01:17:51,279 --> 01:17:54,414
14 Catalina Drive,
Newport Beach, please?
1355
01:17:54,416 --> 01:17:57,016
What are you doing?
Don't give your exact address.
1356
01:17:57,018 --> 01:17:58,386
You don't know
who the driver is.
1357
01:17:59,955 --> 01:18:02,021
Thank you for caring.
1358
01:18:02,023 --> 01:18:03,892
I don't. I would've
said the same to anyone.
1359
01:18:05,894 --> 01:18:07,894
We're holding up
the line, Frank.
1360
01:18:07,896 --> 01:18:09,698
There are other people
in the world.
1361
01:18:10,765 --> 01:18:12,100
There are?
1362
01:18:52,508 --> 01:18:54,309
Do you have a whistle?
1363
01:19:09,157 --> 01:19:10,924
And then taxation.
1364
01:19:10,926 --> 01:19:13,927
We get shut down
every single time by your...
1365
01:19:13,929 --> 01:19:16,095
- Idea you have so far.
- No, no, no.
1366
01:19:16,097 --> 01:19:17,464
Can I speak?
Can I speak?
1367
01:19:17,466 --> 01:19:18,499
- Please.
- Because of your...
1368
01:19:18,501 --> 01:19:19,600
- Hold on. Hold on.
- That's what I...
1369
01:19:19,602 --> 01:19:22,168
- Just wait a second, all right?
- I'm working on it.
1370
01:19:24,406 --> 01:19:27,073
It's the guys who
stand by in all their philosophies
1371
01:19:27,075 --> 01:19:29,842
and all their ideas and
everything that they represent.
1372
01:19:29,844 --> 01:19:31,445
They're talking about
the silent majority.
1373
01:19:31,447 --> 01:19:33,780
I don't know.
I mean, listen,
1374
01:19:33,782 --> 01:19:36,115
- if you look at the facts again...
- Hold on.
1375
01:19:36,117 --> 01:19:38,017
They're having a sidebar here.
Hold on.
1376
01:19:38,019 --> 01:19:40,420
How can we even bring
that up at this point?
1377
01:19:40,422 --> 01:19:42,088
- But what fact?
- In the media.
1378
01:19:42,090 --> 01:19:43,289
You're not getting paid here.
1379
01:19:43,291 --> 01:19:45,559
You have got to look
at what your guy did too.
1380
01:19:45,561 --> 01:19:47,126
Oh, really?
There it is again.
1381
01:19:47,128 --> 01:19:48,828
There's the same thing
right there.
1382
01:19:48,830 --> 01:19:51,197
It's the same response
for the other side. Yeah.
1383
01:19:51,199 --> 01:19:54,067
Yeah, but never mind
because your guy was worse...
1384
01:21:40,248 --> 01:21:45,248
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