1 00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:50,367 ♪They're writing songs of love 2 00:00:50,447 --> 00:00:52,278 (alarm rings) 3 00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:55,120 ♪But not for me 4 00:00:56,127 --> 00:00:59,358 ♪A lucky star's above 5 00:01:00,487 --> 00:01:02,557 ♪But not for me 6 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:04,399 (alarm buzzes) 7 00:01:04,487 --> 00:01:08,321 ♪With love to lead the way 8 00:01:08,927 --> 00:01:12,966 ♪I've found more clouds of gray 9 00:01:13,047 --> 00:01:16,756 ♪Than any Russian play 10 00:01:17,127 --> 00:01:19,641 ♪Could guarantee 11 00:01:20,807 --> 00:01:24,482 ♪I was a fool to fall 12 00:01:25,487 --> 00:01:28,445 ♪And get that way 13 00:01:29,767 --> 00:01:32,486 ♪Heigh-ho! Alas! 14 00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:36,719 ♪And also lackaday! 15 00:01:38,007 --> 00:01:41,556 ♪Although I can't dismiss 16 00:01:41,647 --> 00:01:43,717 ♪The memory of her kiss 17 00:01:43,807 --> 00:01:46,037 - Come here. - What? 18 00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:52,680 ♪I guess she's not for me 19 00:02:04,007 --> 00:02:07,317 - Good morning, Mrs Staples. - Good morning, madam. 20 00:02:17,807 --> 00:02:19,798 Late! Late! 21 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:24,080 Thomas! 22 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:27,876 ♪It all began so well 23 00:02:28,487 --> 00:02:30,762 ♪But what an end! 24 00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:35,001 ♪This is the time 25 00:02:35,607 --> 00:02:40,078 ♪A feller needs a friend 26 00:02:40,847 --> 00:02:44,317 ♪When every happy plot 27 00:02:45,327 --> 00:02:48,797 ♪Ends with the marriage knot 28 00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:56,037 ♪And there's no knot 29 00:02:56,367 --> 00:02:59,120 ♪For me 30 00:03:13,407 --> 00:03:16,319 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 31 00:03:18,127 --> 00:03:19,526 Oh! 32 00:03:20,527 --> 00:03:21,846 Fuck! 33 00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:32,197 (engine grinds) 34 00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:36,405 - Fuck! Right, we take yours. - It only goes 40 miles an hour. 35 00:03:46,407 --> 00:03:48,477 - What turn-off? - Um... 36 00:03:49,487 --> 00:03:52,604 - Better not be the B359. - It's the B359! 37 00:03:52,687 --> 00:03:54,678 Fuck it! 38 00:03:58,087 --> 00:03:59,076 Fuck! 39 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,284 (horn blares) 40 00:04:05,087 --> 00:04:06,076 (man) Fuck. 41 00:04:07,487 --> 00:04:09,876 (church bells) 42 00:04:11,887 --> 00:04:14,037 (brakes screech) 43 00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:19,118 - (girl) Oh... - (man) Fuck. 44 00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:29,722 Fuck. 45 00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:31,160 Fuckity fuck. 46 00:04:36,087 --> 00:04:38,078 Bugger. 47 00:04:42,047 --> 00:04:45,005 - Look at you! - Is it twisted? 48 00:04:47,127 --> 00:04:49,118 (Bride) Hello, Charles. 49 00:05:04,127 --> 00:05:06,243 There's a greatness to your lateness. 50 00:05:06,327 --> 00:05:09,000 It's not achieved without real suffering. 51 00:05:10,647 --> 00:05:12,399 I am so, so sorry. 52 00:05:12,487 --> 00:05:16,162 I'll be killing myself after the service, if that's any consolation. 53 00:05:16,247 --> 00:05:20,399 - Doesn't matter. Tom was standing by. - Thanks, Tom. You're a saint. 54 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,478 Disastrous haircut. 55 00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:29,246 - You haven't forgotten the rings? - No. 56 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,759 Tch! Hate people being late! Hate it! 57 00:05:54,007 --> 00:05:56,396 (♪ Wagner "Bridal March") 58 00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:02,358 Here we go. 59 00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,722 Oh, isn't she lovely? 60 00:06:25,807 --> 00:06:29,243 Scarlett, you're blind. She looks like a big meringue. 61 00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:40,315 Dear friends, what a joy it is to welcome you to our church... 62 00:06:40,407 --> 00:06:44,446 ..on this wonderful day for Angus and Laura. 63 00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:49,726 Before we start the service, let us all join together in the first hymn. 64 00:06:55,927 --> 00:06:59,203 ♪ And did those feet 65 00:06:59,287 --> 00:07:02,802 ♪ In ancient time 66 00:07:02,887 --> 00:07:08,883 ♪ Walk upon England's mountains green? 67 00:07:08,967 --> 00:07:15,486 ♪ And was the holy Lamb of God 68 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:22,040 ♪ On England's pleasant pastures seen? 69 00:07:22,527 --> 00:07:28,318 ♪ And did the countenance divine 70 00:07:29,087 --> 00:07:35,845 ♪ Shine forth upon our clouded hills? 71 00:07:35,927 --> 00:07:42,605 ♪ And was Jerusalem builded here 72 00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:50,082 ♪ Among those dark Satanic mills? 73 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:51,964 Scarlett... 74 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:58,595 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God... 75 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,837 ..and in the face of this congregation... 76 00:08:00,927 --> 00:08:05,000 ..to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony,... 77 00:08:05,087 --> 00:08:09,160 ..which is an honourable estate, instituted in the time of man's innocency. 78 00:08:09,247 --> 00:08:10,236 Back in a sec. 79 00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:13,239 Therefore, if any man can show any just cause or impediment... 80 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,682 ..why they may not be lawfully joined together,... 81 00:08:15,767 --> 00:08:18,884 ..Iet him speak now or for ever hold his peace. 82 00:08:20,047 --> 00:08:22,880 Do you promise to love her, comfort her,... 83 00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:25,401 ..honour and keep her, in sickness and in health,... 84 00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:29,844 ..and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her... 85 00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,725 -..for as long as ye both shall live? - I do. 86 00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:34,884 (Laura) To love and to cherish... 87 00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:37,879 - (vicar)..till death us do part. -..till death us do part. 88 00:08:37,967 --> 00:08:42,085 - And thereto I pledge thee my troth. - And thereto I pledge thee my troth. 89 00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:46,118 Do you have the ring? 90 00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:57,443 - With this ring, I thee wed. - With this ring, I thee wed. 91 00:08:57,527 --> 00:08:59,722 With my body, I thee worship. 92 00:09:00,767 --> 00:09:03,122 With my body, I thee worship. 93 00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:05,926 And with all my worldly goods I do thee endow. 94 00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:09,916 And with all my worldly goods I thee endow. 95 00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,324 Mmm. 96 00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:19,959 "lf I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,... 97 00:09:20,047 --> 00:09:23,483 ..I am become as sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal." 98 00:09:23,567 --> 00:09:24,636 Good point. 99 00:09:24,727 --> 00:09:29,164 ♪ You know, I can't smile without you 100 00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:33,397 ♪ Can't smile without you 101 00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:36,445 ♪ I can't laugh and I can't sing 102 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:40,277 ♪ I'm finding it hard to do anything 103 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:44,724 ♪ You see, I feel sad when you're sad 104 00:09:44,807 --> 00:09:48,117 ♪ I feel glad when you're glad 105 00:09:48,207 --> 00:09:51,802 ♪ If you only knew what I'm going through... 106 00:09:51,887 --> 00:09:54,276 (♪ Clarke "Prince ofDenmark's Tune") 107 00:10:19,927 --> 00:10:23,442 - Great hat. - Thanks. I bought it specially. 108 00:10:27,407 --> 00:10:29,204 There. 109 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,043 Right, uh... Get in position, please. 110 00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,163 Thank you. Smile. 111 00:10:41,527 --> 00:10:45,964 - Splendid, I thought. What did you think? - I thought splendid. What did you think? 112 00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:47,275 Splendid, I thought. 113 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:49,756 Scarlotta, fabulous dress! 114 00:10:49,847 --> 00:10:52,202 The ecclesiastical purple and the pagan orange... 115 00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:56,246 ..symbolising the symbiosis in marriage between heathen and Christian traditions? 116 00:10:56,327 --> 00:10:57,806 That's right. 117 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,040 Lovely. And again. 118 00:11:03,447 --> 00:11:06,917 - Any idea who the girl in the black hat is? - Name's Carrie. 119 00:11:07,007 --> 00:11:09,680 - She's pretty. - American. 120 00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:10,882 Interesting. 121 00:11:10,967 --> 00:11:13,003 Slut. 122 00:11:13,087 --> 00:11:14,236 Really? 123 00:11:15,447 --> 00:11:17,756 Used to work at Vogue, Lives in America now. 124 00:11:17,847 --> 00:11:20,315 Only goes out with very glamorous people. 125 00:11:20,407 --> 00:11:22,796 Quite out of your league. 126 00:11:23,607 --> 00:11:25,598 Well, that's a relief. Thanks. 127 00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:29,966 - See you there. - Off you go. Off you go. 128 00:11:30,847 --> 00:11:33,236 Right! Reception! 129 00:11:37,007 --> 00:11:38,998 (mother) Bye! 130 00:11:41,327 --> 00:11:43,318 (Scarlett) Oh! 131 00:11:45,047 --> 00:11:47,686 Anyone else tread in a cowpat? 132 00:11:47,767 --> 00:11:50,440 No, thought not. See you in a mo. 133 00:11:50,527 --> 00:11:53,963 Do you think I'd hate him as much if he wasn't my brother? 134 00:11:55,527 --> 00:11:59,964 Don't want to blow my chances for romance by smelling of dung! 135 00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:07,362 (woman) I never know what to say in these wretched line-ups. 136 00:12:07,447 --> 00:12:11,326 It's a cinch. Just give a big, warm hug and say the bride looks... pregnant. 137 00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:15,764 - Or go for "you must be very proud". - Heaven preserve us. 138 00:12:16,047 --> 00:12:18,322 - You must be very proud. - lndeed. 139 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,964 - Hello. - Hello. 140 00:12:21,047 --> 00:12:22,196 Hello. 141 00:12:28,727 --> 00:12:31,958 - Hi. We've met. It's Richard Maples. - Oh, yes. 142 00:12:33,207 --> 00:12:35,198 Bastard. 143 00:12:41,647 --> 00:12:43,046 Hello, Bern. 144 00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:44,446 Two, please. 145 00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:47,644 - (Richard) You have fun. - (Carrie) Take care. 146 00:12:49,887 --> 00:12:52,685 - Oh, hello! - Hi. 147 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,765 - Uh, do you want one of these? - Oh, thank you. 148 00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:59,077 - Um, l... - Hello, Charles! 149 00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:02,079 Hello, dear John. How are you? How are you? 150 00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:04,965 - Good. This is, um... - Carrie. 151 00:13:05,047 --> 00:13:07,720 - Delighted. I'm John. - Hi, John. 152 00:13:09,287 --> 00:13:12,404 - How's your gorgeous girlfriend? - She's no longer my girlfriend. 153 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,921 Ah! I wouldn't get too gloomy about it. 154 00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:19,319 Rumour has it she never stopped bonking Toby de Lisle in case you didn't work out. 155 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:22,524 She is now my wife. 156 00:13:22,607 --> 00:13:25,121 Excellent! Uh... Excellent! Congratulations! 157 00:13:25,207 --> 00:13:27,243 (Carrie) Excuse me. 158 00:13:28,047 --> 00:13:30,515 Any kids or anything, John? 159 00:13:30,607 --> 00:13:34,156 Do we hear the patter of tiny... feet? 160 00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:36,686 No. 161 00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:40,760 Well, there's plenty of time for that, isn't there? No hurry. 162 00:13:49,807 --> 00:13:51,798 Hi. How are you? 163 00:14:06,687 --> 00:14:09,485 - Oh, my name's Fiona. - Um, I'm Gerald. 164 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:14,237 - What do you do? - I'm training to be a priest. 165 00:14:14,327 --> 00:14:16,204 Good Lord. 166 00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:19,281 - Do you do weddings? - No. No, not yet. 167 00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,961 I will, of course. Jolly nerve-racking. 168 00:14:22,047 --> 00:14:25,244 Yes, rather like the first time one has sex. 169 00:14:25,327 --> 00:14:28,797 Um... W-well, I suppose so. 170 00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:33,165 Though rather less messy, of course, and far less call for condoms. 171 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,238 (giggles nervously) 172 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:44,000 How're you doing? 173 00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:47,159 Remember the time you started Dad's boat... 174 00:14:47,247 --> 00:14:49,477 ..and the propeller cut my leg to shreds? 175 00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:51,159 This is worse. 176 00:14:56,047 --> 00:15:00,279 - Who's that boy over there in the grey? - Uh, his name's David. 177 00:15:00,847 --> 00:15:03,202 Something of a dish, isn't he? 178 00:15:03,287 --> 00:15:05,437 Well, I've always thought so. 179 00:15:05,527 --> 00:15:08,200 - Why are they, um...? - The dish can't hear. 180 00:15:08,287 --> 00:15:11,359 Oh... Gosh. 181 00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:13,438 Yeah, silent... 182 00:15:13,527 --> 00:15:15,722 ..but deadly attractive. 183 00:15:16,447 --> 00:15:18,358 Bang, bang, bang. That's it. 184 00:15:18,447 --> 00:15:21,166 Into the marquee, please. Dinner is served. 185 00:15:23,647 --> 00:15:27,560 - How do you do? - Hello. Tom. Splendid to meet you. 186 00:15:27,647 --> 00:15:29,638 Very exciting. 187 00:15:41,127 --> 00:15:42,560 Hi. 188 00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:48,397 My name's Scarlett. Don't let me drink too much cos I'll get really flirty. 189 00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:54,484 - How do you do? My name's Charles. - Don't be ridiculous! 190 00:15:54,567 --> 00:16:00,005 - Charles died 20 years ago. - Must be a different Charles, I think. 191 00:16:00,087 --> 00:16:02,396 Are you telling me I don't know my own brother? 192 00:16:02,487 --> 00:16:03,363 No, no. 193 00:16:19,207 --> 00:16:23,120 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. 194 00:16:23,207 --> 00:16:27,120 There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. 195 00:16:27,207 --> 00:16:31,917 This is only the second time I've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. 196 00:16:32,007 --> 00:16:35,238 The couple in question are at least still talking to me. 197 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,680 (laughter) 198 00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:40,521 U-unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. 199 00:16:40,607 --> 00:16:43,917 The divorce came through a couple of months ago. 200 00:16:45,527 --> 00:16:49,202 But I'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. 201 00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:54,805 Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. 202 00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:59,443 The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise,... 203 00:16:59,527 --> 00:17:04,647 ..but, um, I think, was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination... 204 00:17:04,727 --> 00:17:07,002 ..and, um... violence... 205 00:17:07,087 --> 00:17:09,920 ..that became their two-day marriage. 206 00:17:10,007 --> 00:17:13,204 Anyway, enough of that! My job today is to talk about Angus. 207 00:17:13,287 --> 00:17:16,006 There are no skeletons in his cupboard. 208 00:17:16,087 --> 00:17:19,443 - Or so I thought! - (guests) Ooh! 209 00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:23,406 I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. 210 00:17:23,487 --> 00:17:24,920 Um... 211 00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,246 I am,... 212 00:17:28,327 --> 00:17:34,960 ..as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment... 213 00:17:35,047 --> 00:17:38,039 ..that Angus and Laura have made today. 214 00:17:38,487 --> 00:17:41,524 I know I couldn't do it and, uh... 215 00:17:41,607 --> 00:17:44,519 ..I think it's wonderful they can. 216 00:17:44,607 --> 00:17:47,724 - So, back to Angus and those sheep! - (laughter) 217 00:17:49,087 --> 00:17:51,078 (applause) 218 00:17:51,607 --> 00:17:54,565 So, ladies and gentlemen, if you'd raise your glasses. 219 00:17:54,647 --> 00:17:57,036 The adorable couple. 220 00:17:57,127 --> 00:17:59,880 (all) The adorable couple. 221 00:17:59,967 --> 00:18:02,162 The adorable couple. 222 00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:04,878 (cheering) 223 00:18:08,327 --> 00:18:10,318 (♪ band strikes up) 224 00:18:22,087 --> 00:18:24,760 ♪ I remember when rock was young 225 00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:27,486 ♪ Me and Susie had so much fun 226 00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:30,798 ♪ Holding hands and skimming stones 227 00:18:30,887 --> 00:18:33,845 ♪ Had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own 228 00:18:33,927 --> 00:18:36,600 ♪ But the biggest kick I ever got 229 00:18:36,687 --> 00:18:39,838 ♪ Was doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock 230 00:18:39,927 --> 00:18:42,805 ♪ While the other kids were rockin' round the clock 231 00:18:42,887 --> 00:18:46,562 ♪ We were hoppin' and boppin' to the Crocodile Rock, well... 232 00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,877 ♪ From outer space 233 00:18:48,967 --> 00:18:52,721 ♪ I just walked in and found you here with that sad look upon your face 234 00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:54,559 ♪ I should have changed that stupid lock 235 00:18:54,647 --> 00:18:56,717 ♪ I should have made you leave the key 236 00:18:56,807 --> 00:18:58,365 ♪ I should have known for just one second 237 00:18:58,447 --> 00:19:00,563 ♪ You'd be back to bother me... 238 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:03,081 I remember the first time I saw Gareth dancing. 239 00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:05,556 I feared lives would be lost! 240 00:19:07,807 --> 00:19:10,879 She's a pretty girl... the one you can't take your eyes off. 241 00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:13,606 Is it love at first sight? 242 00:19:13,687 --> 00:19:16,804 Oh, good Lord, no! It's the bloke she's dancing with. 243 00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:21,642 I played rugby with him at school. I'm wondering what position he played. 244 00:19:22,727 --> 00:19:25,560 Though, let's say, for the sake of argument,... 245 00:19:25,647 --> 00:19:28,878 ..one did take a fancy to someone at a wedding. 246 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:31,879 Do you think there really are people who can say... 247 00:19:31,967 --> 00:19:35,596 .."Hi, babe. My name's Charles. This is your lucky night"? 248 00:19:36,647 --> 00:19:39,764 - Well, if there are, they're not English. - Quite. 249 00:19:41,287 --> 00:19:44,597 Three weeks is about my question-popping minimum. 250 00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:49,162 You know I love you, Jean, don't you? I love you. I love you. 251 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:52,520 And, Mike, I've never met you before,... 252 00:19:52,607 --> 00:19:54,996 ..but I love you very much. I really do. 253 00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:59,400 Ignore her. She's drunk. 254 00:19:59,487 --> 00:20:03,082 At least I hope she is. Otherwise, I'm in real trouble. 255 00:20:05,687 --> 00:20:08,326 - How's it going, Lyds? - Bloody awful. 256 00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,285 Oh, dear! What's the prob? 257 00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:14,518 I was promised sex. Everybody said it. 258 00:20:14,607 --> 00:20:18,486 "You be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex. You'll be fighting them off." 259 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:22,162 But not so much as a tongue in sight. 260 00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:27,124 Well, I mean, if you fancy... anything,... 261 00:20:27,847 --> 00:20:31,283 -..I could always... - Oh, don't be ridiculous, Bernard. 262 00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:34,598 - I'm not that desperate. - No, right. Of course. 263 00:20:34,687 --> 00:20:37,963 Fair enough. It's a good point. 264 00:20:38,047 --> 00:20:40,038 (cheering) 265 00:20:45,127 --> 00:20:46,799 Whoo-hoo! 266 00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:51,402 (baas) 267 00:20:54,007 --> 00:20:55,201 (Laura) Bye! 268 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:56,606 (car horn) 269 00:20:56,687 --> 00:20:59,997 Have a lovely, lovely time! Bye! 270 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,922 ♪ Love is all around me 271 00:21:13,727 --> 00:21:16,560 ♪ And so the feeling grows 272 00:21:20,927 --> 00:21:24,203 ♪ It's written on the wind 273 00:21:24,287 --> 00:21:27,438 ♪ It's everywhere I go... 274 00:21:30,087 --> 00:21:32,442 Where are you staying tonight, Charles? 275 00:21:32,527 --> 00:21:35,439 Oh, um... Scarlett and I are at some pub. 276 00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:39,236 The Lucky Boat, something like that. Aren't we all? 277 00:21:39,327 --> 00:21:42,364 Ah, no. Slight change of plan. 278 00:21:42,447 --> 00:21:45,598 The others are coming back to my place. Nansy's in residence. 279 00:21:45,687 --> 00:21:49,123 Might knock us up a plate of eggs and bacon over a late-night Scrabble. 280 00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:53,439 - I wondered if you'd like to join. - Oh, yeah! Thanks very much. 281 00:21:53,527 --> 00:21:56,041 - Is there room for Scarlett? - Oh, absolutely. 282 00:21:56,127 --> 00:21:58,118 1 37 rooms, actually. 283 00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,644 Right. Tommy, are you the richest man in England? 284 00:22:02,727 --> 00:22:06,117 Oh, no, no! 285 00:22:06,207 --> 00:22:09,643 - I believe we're about... seventh. - Mm-hm. 286 00:22:09,727 --> 00:22:12,036 The Queen, obviously,... 287 00:22:12,127 --> 00:22:15,881 ..and, uh, that Branson bloke's doing terribly well. 288 00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:19,926 Well, excellent news. I'll go and tell Scarlett. 289 00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:21,156 Yeah. 290 00:22:21,247 --> 00:22:24,523 That's, uh... unless you get lucky first. 291 00:22:31,447 --> 00:22:33,642 Hi. 292 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:36,480 Hi. Hi. I thought you'd gone. 293 00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:41,482 No, not yet. I was just wondering where you were staying tonight. 294 00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:43,683 Uh, well, um... 295 00:22:43,767 --> 00:22:47,043 I was staying at some pub called The Lucky... 296 00:22:47,127 --> 00:22:50,324 -..The Boat or something like that. - Boatman. 297 00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:53,524 Right. But now I'm going to stay at some friends' house... 298 00:22:53,607 --> 00:22:56,075 ..with, um... some friends. 299 00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:59,842 Well, I think "enormous castle" is a more accurate description. 300 00:22:59,927 --> 00:23:02,236 That's too bad, because I'm at The Boatman. 301 00:23:02,327 --> 00:23:04,477 Oh. 302 00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:08,719 Well, it was... nice not quite meeting you. 303 00:23:10,247 --> 00:23:12,636 - It was a great speech. - Thanks. 304 00:23:18,327 --> 00:23:23,481 - Well, I'm going now. - No! No, no. Don't go. We can meet now. 305 00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:27,685 - The evening's just getting going. - We both know that's a big lie. 306 00:23:32,247 --> 00:23:33,646 Fuck. 307 00:23:35,607 --> 00:23:38,644 ♪ Come on and let it show 308 00:23:40,807 --> 00:23:43,241 ♪ Come on and let it show 309 00:23:44,247 --> 00:23:48,365 ♪ Sometimes it's hard to be a woman 310 00:23:50,687 --> 00:23:53,326 ♪ Giving all your love 311 00:23:53,407 --> 00:23:56,319 ♪ To just one man... 312 00:23:58,087 --> 00:24:00,601 The castle beckons, Tom. Are you sober? 313 00:24:00,687 --> 00:24:05,636 - Absolutely. Orange juice all night. - ♪ I'll be proud of him 314 00:24:05,727 --> 00:24:06,796 Come on. 315 00:24:06,887 --> 00:24:10,846 ♪ Cos, after all, he's just a man 316 00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:12,201 Bye, everybody! 317 00:24:12,287 --> 00:24:16,246 - All together now! - ♪ Stand by your man 318 00:24:17,407 --> 00:24:21,195 ♪ Give him two arms to cling to... 319 00:24:22,007 --> 00:24:23,998 Bernard! 320 00:24:25,487 --> 00:24:28,957 ♪ When nights are cold and lonely 321 00:24:29,327 --> 00:24:31,682 (all) ♪ Stand by your man 322 00:24:31,767 --> 00:24:33,120 ♪ Wah wah wah 323 00:24:33,207 --> 00:24:36,597 ♪ And tell the world you love him 324 00:24:36,687 --> 00:24:41,966 ♪ And give him all the love you can 325 00:24:42,047 --> 00:24:44,083 - Ow! - ♪ Stand by... 326 00:24:44,167 --> 00:24:46,476 (Charles) Tom, Tom, can you stop the car? 327 00:24:46,567 --> 00:24:48,558 Stop the car! 328 00:24:49,847 --> 00:24:54,045 Sorry. Sorry. I just think I might, um, stay in that pub after all. 329 00:24:54,127 --> 00:24:56,277 - Why on earth...? - Um... 330 00:24:56,367 --> 00:24:58,358 (all make silly noises) 331 00:25:04,847 --> 00:25:10,126 No, seriously. I'm doing some research into pubs with the word "boat" in the title. 332 00:25:10,207 --> 00:25:13,438 - Oh, well. Please yourself. - It's a silly thing. 333 00:25:19,127 --> 00:25:21,118 Right. 334 00:25:23,807 --> 00:25:25,798 Odd decision. 335 00:26:06,407 --> 00:26:08,363 Hello. 336 00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:10,438 - Hi. - Hi. 337 00:26:11,247 --> 00:26:13,397 In the end there wasn't room for all of us. 338 00:26:13,487 --> 00:26:15,557 You said it was a castle. 339 00:26:15,647 --> 00:26:20,038 Yes, it is a castle. It's, um, just a very, very small one. 340 00:26:20,127 --> 00:26:22,766 Tiny, in fact. Just one up, one down, which is rare. 341 00:26:22,847 --> 00:26:24,644 Drink, sir? 342 00:26:24,727 --> 00:26:27,799 Yeah. I'd like a glass of whisky, please. Thanks. 343 00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:30,117 - Do you want...? - Yeah, sounds good. 344 00:26:30,207 --> 00:26:32,198 - Another for the lady. - Doubles, sir? 345 00:26:32,287 --> 00:26:33,686 Mm. Thanks. 346 00:26:33,767 --> 00:26:35,405 (whistling) 347 00:26:35,767 --> 00:26:38,076 Ah! You here, too? How are you? 348 00:26:39,087 --> 00:26:42,682 - Hello. I'm fine. - Haven't seen Carrie, have you? 349 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:45,725 - Who? - Carrie. American girl. Lovely legs. 350 00:26:46,447 --> 00:26:48,802 Wedding guest. Nice smell. 351 00:26:48,887 --> 00:26:51,560 - Uh, no. Sorry. - Damn! 352 00:26:51,647 --> 00:26:54,320 Blast! I think I was in there. 353 00:26:56,247 --> 00:26:59,398 If you do see her, could you tell her I've gone to my room? 354 00:26:59,487 --> 00:27:00,840 Yeah, yeah. 355 00:27:00,927 --> 00:27:02,963 - Your whisky, sir. - Thank you. 356 00:27:03,047 --> 00:27:05,322 - And one for the... - Road. Lovely. 357 00:27:05,407 --> 00:27:08,877 I think I might have one of those. Do you mind if I join you? 358 00:27:08,967 --> 00:27:12,801 - No. It'd be lovely. - Another glass of whisky and a cigar. 359 00:27:12,887 --> 00:27:16,516 Hold on. Make that a bottle. We might as well settle in, eh? 360 00:27:16,607 --> 00:27:18,962 Let's see if we can push on till dawn. 361 00:27:19,047 --> 00:27:21,925 - Lovely wedding. - Yes, yes. 362 00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:24,999 I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. 363 00:27:25,087 --> 00:27:27,806 He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless. 364 00:27:27,887 --> 00:27:31,084 - Still, it taught me about life. - Mm. 365 00:27:31,167 --> 00:27:33,635 Where do you know him from? 366 00:27:33,727 --> 00:27:36,605 - University. - Oh! Splendid. 367 00:27:36,687 --> 00:27:38,678 Splendid. Yep. 368 00:27:39,447 --> 00:27:42,041 I didn't go myself. I couldn't see the point. 369 00:27:42,127 --> 00:27:45,642 When you work in the money markets, what use is Wordsworth, eh? 370 00:27:45,727 --> 00:27:49,481 Excuse me, sir. Your wife says could you come upstairs at once? 371 00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:51,956 Room 1 2, in case you're so drunk you can't remember. 372 00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:54,197 - My wife? - Yes, sir. 373 00:27:54,767 --> 00:27:57,122 Oh, my wife! Ha ha! My wife! 374 00:27:57,207 --> 00:28:00,404 God! You are drunk if you can't remember you've got a wife! 375 00:28:00,487 --> 00:28:02,284 Yeah, yeah! 376 00:28:02,887 --> 00:28:06,926 - Do you mind if l... - No, no. Off you go. Best of luck. 377 00:28:07,007 --> 00:28:10,716 Lucky bachelor, me. I'll have another search for that Katie creature. 378 00:28:10,807 --> 00:28:13,924 - Carrie. - That's the one. Damn fine filly. 379 00:28:14,727 --> 00:28:16,558 I think I'm in there. 380 00:28:32,367 --> 00:28:34,164 - Hi. - Hello. 381 00:28:34,247 --> 00:28:37,364 - Sorry about that. - He was hard to get rid of. 382 00:28:37,447 --> 00:28:39,438 Yeah. 383 00:28:39,527 --> 00:28:41,518 So, um... 384 00:28:47,367 --> 00:28:50,643 Maybe we could just... skulk around here for a bit... 385 00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:53,560 ..and then... go back down. 386 00:28:54,887 --> 00:28:57,321 That's a thought. I don't usually skulk,... 387 00:28:57,407 --> 00:29:01,116 ..but I suppose I could skulk if skulking were required. 388 00:29:01,207 --> 00:29:03,596 Do you skulk regularly? 389 00:29:04,407 --> 00:29:08,605 No. No, I don't normally think of myself as a skulker... 390 00:29:08,687 --> 00:29:10,678 ..but, um... 391 00:29:13,647 --> 00:29:17,037 Well, why don't you come in and skulk for a while... 392 00:29:18,047 --> 00:29:20,038 ..and we'll see? 393 00:29:27,647 --> 00:29:32,596 I noticed the bride and groom didn't kiss in the church, which is kind of strange. 394 00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:35,485 Where I come from, kissing is very big. 395 00:29:36,167 --> 00:29:40,365 Is it? Well, I think you're right. We are probably more reserved. 396 00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:43,519 "You may kiss the bride" isn't actually in the Book of Common Prayer. 397 00:29:43,607 --> 00:29:47,316 I always worry I'll go too far in the heat of the moment. 398 00:29:48,367 --> 00:29:49,800 Uh-huh? 399 00:29:50,647 --> 00:29:53,002 How far do you think too far would be? 400 00:29:53,087 --> 00:29:55,476 I don't know. 401 00:29:56,767 --> 00:29:58,439 Maybe... 402 00:30:00,247 --> 00:30:02,636 ..that would be all right. 403 00:30:02,727 --> 00:30:07,278 - I think that would be fine. - In fact, it might be a bit dismissive. 404 00:30:08,607 --> 00:30:10,598 Maybe this... 405 00:30:11,767 --> 00:30:13,962 ..would be better. 406 00:30:15,927 --> 00:30:19,920 Yeah, I think it would be dangerous to take it any further. 407 00:30:20,767 --> 00:30:22,758 I mean, um... 408 00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:26,038 You know... 409 00:30:34,287 --> 00:30:36,926 That might be taking it a little far. 410 00:30:42,847 --> 00:30:44,246 What about this? 411 00:30:44,327 --> 00:30:49,117 Do you think the vicar would think things had slipped a little out of his control? 412 00:30:49,207 --> 00:30:54,327 I think he might. This kind of thing is really better suited... 413 00:30:54,407 --> 00:30:57,319 ..to the honeymoon than to the service itself. 414 00:30:57,407 --> 00:31:00,240 Why do you think it's called a honeymoon? 415 00:31:00,327 --> 00:31:01,840 Um, I don't know. 416 00:31:01,927 --> 00:31:06,398 I suppose it's, uh... "honey" cos it's sweet as honey... 417 00:31:06,487 --> 00:31:11,003 ..and, um... "moon" because it was the first time... 418 00:31:11,727 --> 00:31:14,446 ..a husband got to see his wife's bottom. 419 00:31:53,727 --> 00:31:55,718 What's happening? 420 00:31:57,247 --> 00:31:59,238 I have to go. 421 00:32:00,487 --> 00:32:03,320 - Where? - America. 422 00:32:05,007 --> 00:32:06,998 That is a tragedy. 423 00:32:08,167 --> 00:32:10,283 Just before I go,... 424 00:32:10,367 --> 00:32:14,519 ..when were you thinking of announcing the engagement? 425 00:32:16,887 --> 00:32:19,355 Sorry. Whose engagement? 426 00:32:20,287 --> 00:32:21,879 Ours. 427 00:32:21,967 --> 00:32:26,358 I assumed since we slept together and everything, we'd be getting married. 428 00:32:26,447 --> 00:32:28,836 What did you think? 429 00:32:29,807 --> 00:32:32,640 W-w-w... I, um... 430 00:32:35,367 --> 00:32:38,962 Gosh! You know, that... that, um... 431 00:32:39,047 --> 00:32:42,244 ..takes a lot of thinking about, that kind of thing. 432 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:44,716 Obviously, I'm... I, um... 433 00:32:46,967 --> 00:32:48,685 You're joking. 434 00:32:52,007 --> 00:32:55,716 God! For a moment there, I thought I was in Fatal Attraction, 435 00:32:55,807 --> 00:33:00,119 You were Glenn Close and I was gonna find my pet rabbit on the stove. 436 00:33:01,207 --> 00:33:03,198 No. 437 00:33:04,527 --> 00:33:08,520 But I think we both missed a great opportunity here. 438 00:33:13,327 --> 00:33:15,318 Bye. 439 00:33:21,927 --> 00:33:23,918 (door closes) 440 00:33:29,287 --> 00:33:30,766 (alarm rings) 441 00:33:36,127 --> 00:33:39,164 THREE MONTHS LATER 442 00:33:39,647 --> 00:33:42,002 (Charles) Oh, fuck! 443 00:33:42,687 --> 00:33:44,598 (Scarlett) Mm? 444 00:33:45,207 --> 00:33:46,242 Fuck! 445 00:33:46,767 --> 00:33:50,760 - Fuck! Fuckity fuck! - Oh, fuck! 446 00:33:50,847 --> 00:33:53,998 - Car or taxi? - Taxi. We could never park. 447 00:34:02,407 --> 00:34:04,602 Car seems a good idea. 448 00:34:06,247 --> 00:34:08,238 - Fuck! - Fuck! 449 00:34:17,487 --> 00:34:20,399 - Hey... - Leave it. No one will notice. 450 00:34:42,047 --> 00:34:44,003 Well... 451 00:34:44,087 --> 00:34:46,282 Sorry I'm late. Traffic. 452 00:34:48,687 --> 00:34:51,679 Yeah... Who is it today? 453 00:35:21,727 --> 00:35:23,763 (photographer) One more, please. 454 00:35:23,847 --> 00:35:25,838 They're ready. 455 00:35:33,527 --> 00:35:36,519 (♪ Handel "The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba") 456 00:36:15,807 --> 00:36:20,403 In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. 457 00:36:20,487 --> 00:36:22,478 - Amen. - (all) Amen. 458 00:36:23,207 --> 00:36:25,118 Let us pray. 459 00:36:25,207 --> 00:36:29,723 Father, you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery,... 460 00:36:30,287 --> 00:36:33,962 ..a symbol of Christ's love for his church. 461 00:36:34,047 --> 00:36:37,881 Hear our prayers for Bernard and Lydia... 462 00:36:38,287 --> 00:36:42,519 ..through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord,... 463 00:36:42,607 --> 00:36:46,361 ..who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Goat... 464 00:36:46,447 --> 00:36:48,836 Uh... uh, Ghost. 465 00:36:49,407 --> 00:36:52,001 One God, for ever and ever. 466 00:36:52,567 --> 00:36:53,795 Amen. 467 00:36:53,887 --> 00:36:57,596 - It's his first time. He's a family friend. - Ah! Excellent! 468 00:36:57,687 --> 00:36:59,518 Bernard and Lydia,... 469 00:36:59,607 --> 00:37:04,317 ..I shall now ask if you freely undertake the obligations of marriage. 470 00:37:04,407 --> 00:37:07,285 Bernard, repeat after me. 471 00:37:07,367 --> 00:37:11,599 - I do solemnly declare... - I do solemnly declare... 472 00:37:11,687 --> 00:37:14,326 ..that I know not of any lawful impediment... 473 00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:17,559 ..that I know not of any lawful impediment... 474 00:37:17,647 --> 00:37:19,478 ..why l, Lydia... 475 00:37:20,287 --> 00:37:22,357 ..why l, Bernard,,, 476 00:37:24,007 --> 00:37:25,326 Sorry. 477 00:37:26,247 --> 00:37:32,686 ..why l, Bernard Godfrey Saint John Delaney,... 478 00:37:32,767 --> 00:37:37,477 ..why l, Bernard Geoffrey St John Delaney,... 479 00:37:39,127 --> 00:37:44,440 ..may not be joined in matrimony to Lydia John Hibbott. 480 00:37:45,207 --> 00:37:49,837 ..may not be joined in matrimony to Lydia Jane Hibbott. 481 00:37:51,607 --> 00:37:54,644 Lydia, repeat after me. 482 00:37:55,487 --> 00:37:58,763 - I do solemnly declare... - I do solemnly declare... 483 00:37:58,847 --> 00:38:01,122 ..that I know not of any lawful impediment... 484 00:38:01,407 --> 00:38:04,638 ..that I know not of any lawful impediment... 485 00:38:04,727 --> 00:38:08,436 ..why l, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 486 00:38:08,687 --> 00:38:11,679 ..why l, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 487 00:38:11,767 --> 00:38:14,076 ..may not be johned in matrimony... 488 00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:17,842 ..may not be joined in matrimony... 489 00:38:17,927 --> 00:38:23,559 ..to Bernard Geoffrey Sidd... Siddun... Delaney. 490 00:38:24,047 --> 00:38:29,075 ..to Bernard Geoffrey St John Delaney. 491 00:38:32,127 --> 00:38:35,483 I call upon those persons here present to witness... 492 00:38:36,327 --> 00:38:39,717 I call upon those persons here present to witness... 493 00:38:39,807 --> 00:38:42,162 ..that l, Bernard... 494 00:38:48,647 --> 00:38:50,080 ..Delaney,... 495 00:38:52,567 --> 00:38:54,523 ..that l, Bernard Delaney,... 496 00:38:54,607 --> 00:38:57,246 ..do take thee, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 497 00:38:57,487 --> 00:39:00,524 ..do take thee, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 498 00:39:00,607 --> 00:39:03,644 ..to be my awful wedded wife. 499 00:39:03,727 --> 00:39:06,639 ..to be my lawful wedded wife. 500 00:39:06,727 --> 00:39:08,763 That's ri... That's right. 501 00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:11,281 May Almighty God bless you all. 502 00:39:11,367 --> 00:39:15,076 The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spigot... Spirit. 503 00:39:15,167 --> 00:39:16,156 (all) Amen. 504 00:39:16,247 --> 00:39:18,238 Bravo! 505 00:39:20,367 --> 00:39:23,359 (♪ Handel "The Arrival of the Queen Of Sheba") 506 00:39:38,687 --> 00:39:39,881 (Tom) Thanks. 507 00:39:39,967 --> 00:39:41,958 - Coming, Bernie! - Come here! 508 00:39:42,647 --> 00:39:43,636 Sorry. 509 00:39:44,367 --> 00:39:46,085 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 510 00:39:46,327 --> 00:39:47,999 That way? 511 00:39:48,087 --> 00:39:50,601 Sorry. Could you two... Sorry. 512 00:39:51,367 --> 00:39:53,358 Sorry! 513 00:40:08,447 --> 00:40:10,756 I've got a new theory about marriage. 514 00:40:11,367 --> 00:40:17,044 Two people are in love, they live together, and one day they run out of conversation. 515 00:40:17,127 --> 00:40:21,006 Totally. They can't think of a single thing to say to each other. 516 00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:23,157 That's it! Panic! 517 00:40:23,247 --> 00:40:29,083 Then suddenly, it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock. 518 00:40:30,607 --> 00:40:33,519 - (Charles) Which is? - He'll ask her to marry him. 519 00:40:33,607 --> 00:40:35,518 Brilliant! Brilliant! 520 00:40:35,607 --> 00:40:39,998 (Gareth) They've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives! 521 00:40:40,087 --> 00:40:43,682 So it's just a way out of an embarrassing pause in conversation. 522 00:40:43,767 --> 00:40:46,281 The definitive icebreaker! 523 00:40:46,367 --> 00:40:50,565 - Tom! How's the speech coming along? - It's pretty good, I think. 524 00:40:50,647 --> 00:40:53,878 Something for everyone. Tears, laughter... 525 00:40:55,447 --> 00:40:58,757 - Excellent! - It's a very good theory, Gareth. 526 00:40:58,847 --> 00:41:03,602 There is another argument, of course, that it has something to do with true love. 527 00:41:03,687 --> 00:41:05,723 Well, there's a thought. 528 00:41:09,687 --> 00:41:13,726 - Can I help you, sir? - Can I have three brandies, please? 529 00:41:13,807 --> 00:41:15,798 Hi. 530 00:41:16,727 --> 00:41:17,842 Hello! 531 00:41:17,927 --> 00:41:20,441 - How are you? - Fine! Fine! 532 00:41:21,767 --> 00:41:24,520 Sorry. I'm... I'm overwhelmed to see you. 533 00:41:25,447 --> 00:41:28,359 Um... Look, don't go back to America. Please. 534 00:41:29,127 --> 00:41:31,960 - I'll be back in two secs, OK? - OK. 535 00:41:33,687 --> 00:41:35,166 Hi, Fi. 536 00:41:35,887 --> 00:41:37,878 Those are yours. See you in five hours. 537 00:41:37,967 --> 00:41:41,960 - Something happened? - It has. This is a bloody great wedding! 538 00:41:47,127 --> 00:41:48,446 Hi. 539 00:41:48,527 --> 00:41:52,361 Well, you look perfect. In fact, you probably are perfect. 540 00:41:52,447 --> 00:41:55,120 - Well, how are you? - I'm really well. 541 00:41:55,207 --> 00:41:58,597 Charles, I'd like you to meet Hamish, my fiancé. 542 00:42:01,527 --> 00:42:04,485 Excellent! Excellent. 543 00:42:04,567 --> 00:42:07,365 How do you do, Hamish? Delighted to meet you. 544 00:42:07,447 --> 00:42:09,597 Charming surprise to find Carrie back. 545 00:42:09,687 --> 00:42:11,723 Took a lot of persuading, I can tell you. 546 00:42:11,807 --> 00:42:14,275 Darling, I told James I was going to get you. 547 00:42:14,367 --> 00:42:17,359 He'll think I've totally lost control of you already. 548 00:42:17,447 --> 00:42:19,642 I'll see you later. 549 00:42:28,127 --> 00:42:30,561 How are you doing, Charles? 550 00:42:31,367 --> 00:42:33,835 Not great, actually... suddenly. 551 00:42:36,727 --> 00:42:38,718 I don't know... 552 00:42:39,647 --> 00:42:43,765 I mean, um... what the hell's going on here? 553 00:42:43,847 --> 00:42:48,318 Why am I always at weddings and never actually getting married, Matt? 554 00:42:48,407 --> 00:42:51,365 It's probably because you're a bit scruffy. 555 00:42:53,167 --> 00:42:56,318 Or it could also be cos you haven't met the right girl. 556 00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:58,602 Ah, but you see, is that it? 557 00:42:58,687 --> 00:43:04,080 Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. 558 00:43:04,167 --> 00:43:06,317 - Maybe it's me. - Nonsense. 559 00:43:06,407 --> 00:43:09,080 My lords, ladies and gentlemen,... 560 00:43:09,167 --> 00:43:11,362 ..dinner is served. 561 00:43:12,447 --> 00:43:15,280 Come on. Odds on, you meet your wife at dinner. 562 00:43:16,607 --> 00:43:18,404 Yes! 563 00:43:28,287 --> 00:43:30,278 Oh, my God! 564 00:43:33,087 --> 00:43:35,123 Charles? 565 00:43:41,847 --> 00:43:44,077 - Hi. - Hello. I'm Alistair. 566 00:43:44,167 --> 00:43:45,156 Great. 567 00:43:45,247 --> 00:43:48,478 - I believe you know Veronica. - Yeah. Hi, Vee. Hi. 568 00:43:48,567 --> 00:43:50,558 Nicki. 569 00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:54,318 Great. 570 00:43:59,127 --> 00:44:01,595 Tell me, are you married? 571 00:44:02,167 --> 00:44:03,361 No. 572 00:44:03,447 --> 00:44:06,280 - Are you a lesbian? - Good Lord! 573 00:44:07,087 --> 00:44:09,681 Um... Well, what made you say that? 574 00:44:09,767 --> 00:44:12,486 It's one of the possibilities for unmarried girls. 575 00:44:12,567 --> 00:44:17,243 It is a bit more interesting than saying "just never found the right chap", eh? 576 00:44:17,327 --> 00:44:21,366 - Quite right. Why be dull? - Thank you. 577 00:44:25,287 --> 00:44:29,758 The truth is... I have met the right person, only he's not in love with me. 578 00:44:29,847 --> 00:44:33,237 And until I stop loving him, no one else stands a chance. 579 00:44:33,327 --> 00:44:35,716 - Bad luck! - Yes, isn't it? 580 00:44:37,847 --> 00:44:40,998 I was a lesbian once at school, but only for 15 minutes. 581 00:44:41,087 --> 00:44:43,317 I don't think it counts. 582 00:44:50,127 --> 00:44:52,482 There are 400 different kinds of tea,... 583 00:44:52,567 --> 00:44:56,116 ..and that's not including all these so-called fruit teas. 584 00:44:56,207 --> 00:44:59,995 I took Veronica out to lndia at Christmas to look at the plantations. 585 00:45:00,087 --> 00:45:02,965 - You and her went there once. - That's right. 586 00:45:03,047 --> 00:45:07,245 Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill. 587 00:45:07,327 --> 00:45:10,478 - Trying to cheer you up. - Oh, you're thatVeronica! 588 00:45:10,567 --> 00:45:13,240 Which Veronica? Charlie? 589 00:45:13,327 --> 00:45:16,160 - Remember Bombay? - When Charles and I were going out,... 590 00:45:16,247 --> 00:45:19,922 ..he told me he'd had this... interesting journey round lndia... 591 00:45:20,007 --> 00:45:23,317 ..with Vomiting Veronica. I think that was it. 592 00:45:23,407 --> 00:45:26,524 I don't remember ever mentioning it. Maybe I did. 593 00:45:26,607 --> 00:45:30,759 Oh, come on, Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. 594 00:45:30,847 --> 00:45:34,760 - That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? - It is not! 595 00:45:34,847 --> 00:45:37,759 I remember you going on about this girl Helena... 596 00:45:37,847 --> 00:45:41,078 -..whose mother made a pass at you. - I remember this! 597 00:45:41,167 --> 00:45:45,240 You couldn't work out whether it would be impolite not to accept her advances! 598 00:45:45,327 --> 00:45:48,364 That's right. Mrs Piggy! Helena was Miss Piggy,... 599 00:45:48,447 --> 00:45:50,881 ..so her mother was Mrs Piggy! 600 00:45:51,327 --> 00:45:53,522 I... I think perhaps it was a... 601 00:45:53,607 --> 00:45:56,280 We've both lost a lot of weight since then. 602 00:46:00,807 --> 00:46:01,922 (banging) 603 00:46:02,447 --> 00:46:05,041 Ah, great! The speeches. 604 00:46:05,407 --> 00:46:08,240 My lords, ladies and gentlemen,... 605 00:46:08,327 --> 00:46:10,443 ..pray silence for the best man. 606 00:46:21,527 --> 00:46:26,043 Um, when Bernard told me he was getting engaged to Lydia,... 607 00:46:26,127 --> 00:46:30,996 ..I congratulated him because all his other girlfriends were such complete dogs! 608 00:46:33,527 --> 00:46:37,315 Although may I say how delighted we are to have so many of them here today. 609 00:46:40,087 --> 00:46:44,922 I'm particularly delighted to see Camilla, who many of you will remember... 610 00:46:45,007 --> 00:46:49,717 ..as the first person Bernard asked to marry him. 611 00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:53,243 If I remember rightly, she told him to sod off! 612 00:46:53,327 --> 00:46:54,919 (Gareth laughs) 613 00:46:56,887 --> 00:46:58,878 And lucky for Lydia that she did. 614 00:47:04,287 --> 00:47:06,278 It's very disappointing! 615 00:47:10,487 --> 00:47:13,877 We had the most adorable girl at our table called Carrie. 616 00:47:13,967 --> 00:47:17,960 Apparently her fiancé's awfully grand and he owns half of Scotland. 617 00:47:18,047 --> 00:47:21,244 - How are you? - I'm stuck in the wedding from hell. 618 00:47:21,327 --> 00:47:23,921 Ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. 619 00:47:24,007 --> 00:47:26,567 If I meet Henrietta, the horror will be complete. 620 00:47:26,647 --> 00:47:28,717 Hello, Charles. 621 00:47:28,807 --> 00:47:30,798 Hello, Hen. How are you? 622 00:47:32,247 --> 00:47:33,236 Oh, Hen... 623 00:47:33,327 --> 00:47:36,956 Why can't you leave her alone? Haven't you hurt her enough? 624 00:47:38,847 --> 00:47:40,439 (sobs) 625 00:47:40,527 --> 00:47:44,156 Excuse me. I think I'd better be where other people are not. 626 00:47:51,487 --> 00:47:52,476 Hello. 627 00:47:52,967 --> 00:47:57,483 I'm S-e-r-e-n-a. 628 00:47:58,487 --> 00:48:00,478 Hello. 629 00:48:01,807 --> 00:48:04,367 I'm just learning. 630 00:48:06,927 --> 00:48:11,717 I'm probably naking tols of nistakes. 631 00:48:12,927 --> 00:48:16,602 No - perfect. Perfect. 632 00:48:18,647 --> 00:48:21,366 Would you like to dance? 633 00:48:24,047 --> 00:48:27,596 That would be... mice. 634 00:48:38,647 --> 00:48:40,638 (girls giggling) 635 00:48:56,527 --> 00:48:58,165 (sighs) 636 00:48:58,247 --> 00:48:59,839 (doorman) Taxi! 637 00:49:07,447 --> 00:49:08,960 Good night, sir. 638 00:49:09,047 --> 00:49:11,038 - Thank you. - Thank you. 639 00:49:18,767 --> 00:49:22,282 ♪ My true love was true 640 00:49:22,367 --> 00:49:25,359 ♪ Ooh 641 00:49:25,447 --> 00:49:28,883 ♪ I, of course, replied 642 00:49:28,967 --> 00:49:32,198 ♪ Something here inside 643 00:49:32,287 --> 00:49:38,601 ♪ Cannot be denied... 644 00:49:40,367 --> 00:49:41,880 (door opens) 645 00:49:47,367 --> 00:49:50,723 (Bernard) It's all right. Oh, God! This is wonderful. 646 00:49:52,007 --> 00:49:54,077 (giggling) 647 00:50:00,687 --> 00:50:02,166 (Lydia) Please! 648 00:50:02,247 --> 00:50:04,283 - Ooh! - Ooh! 649 00:50:04,367 --> 00:50:06,358 (moaning) 650 00:50:08,847 --> 00:50:12,760 Wait a minute. This is no fun! I want to see my lovely husband! 651 00:50:12,847 --> 00:50:14,838 (moaning) 652 00:50:35,447 --> 00:50:40,396 Who's a very bad bridegroom indeed? 653 00:50:40,927 --> 00:50:43,122 ♪ Boom boom, boom boom 654 00:50:43,687 --> 00:50:46,997 ♪ Gonna get along without you now 655 00:50:47,087 --> 00:50:49,681 ♪ Boom boom, boom boom 656 00:50:49,767 --> 00:50:53,123 ♪ Gonna get along without you now 657 00:50:55,007 --> 00:50:57,475 - Have you got a boyfriend? - Yes. 658 00:50:57,567 --> 00:51:01,037 - What's his name? - Dolph. He's good at table tennis. 659 00:51:01,127 --> 00:51:03,846 - What about you? - No. Afraid not. 660 00:51:04,807 --> 00:51:06,798 Why not? 661 00:51:06,887 --> 00:51:09,082 Don't know. 662 00:51:09,727 --> 00:51:14,755 Because most of the blokes I fancy think I'm stupid and pointless,... 663 00:51:14,847 --> 00:51:17,520 ..so they just bonk me and then leave me,... 664 00:51:17,607 --> 00:51:21,441 ..and the kind of blokes that do fancy me, I think are drips. 665 00:51:21,527 --> 00:51:24,041 I can't even be bothered to bonk them,... 666 00:51:24,127 --> 00:51:27,164 ..which does sort of leave me a bit nowhere. 667 00:51:27,727 --> 00:51:30,116 What's bonking? 668 00:51:31,487 --> 00:51:34,923 Well, it's kind of like table tennis,... 669 00:51:35,007 --> 00:51:37,396 ..only with slightly smaller balls. 670 00:51:37,487 --> 00:51:39,079 (moaning) 671 00:51:39,167 --> 00:51:41,078 (giggling) 672 00:51:43,207 --> 00:51:45,198 (door creaks) 673 00:51:45,287 --> 00:51:47,278 (gasping) 674 00:51:56,727 --> 00:51:59,082 (laughing) 675 00:51:59,167 --> 00:52:01,237 So good! 676 00:52:10,527 --> 00:52:12,677 Oh! Ho-ho-ho-ho! 677 00:52:12,767 --> 00:52:17,443 - I love my wife! - And I love my husband! 678 00:52:17,527 --> 00:52:19,757 - Oh! - Ahh! 679 00:52:20,687 --> 00:52:24,600 - Do you think we'd better get back? - We could just wait a few minutes... 680 00:52:24,687 --> 00:52:26,678 ..and have another go! 681 00:52:26,767 --> 00:52:30,646 Naughty, naughty little rabbit! 682 00:52:36,287 --> 00:52:38,278 Found it. 683 00:52:42,607 --> 00:52:44,996 Charles! Charles, we must talk. 684 00:52:47,327 --> 00:52:48,726 Right. Right. 685 00:52:48,807 --> 00:52:52,163 The thing is, Charlie, I've spoken to lots of people about you. 686 00:52:52,247 --> 00:52:53,236 Oh, God! 687 00:52:53,327 --> 00:52:56,637 Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles. 688 00:52:56,727 --> 00:52:57,716 Am l? 689 00:52:57,807 --> 00:53:02,039 You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. 690 00:53:02,127 --> 00:53:06,439 One girlfriend after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. 691 00:53:06,527 --> 00:53:08,404 On the contrary... 692 00:53:08,487 --> 00:53:11,524 You're affectionate to them and sweet to them. 693 00:53:11,607 --> 00:53:14,041 Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot. 694 00:53:14,127 --> 00:53:16,118 - I did not. - You did. 695 00:53:16,207 --> 00:53:19,358 - I thought U2 was a type of submarine. - In a way, you were right. 696 00:53:19,447 --> 00:53:22,723 - Their music has a naval quality. - Be serious, Charles! 697 00:53:22,807 --> 00:53:26,436 Give people a chance! You don't have to think "l must get married",... 698 00:53:26,527 --> 00:53:30,281 ..but you mustn't start relationships thinking "l mustn't get married". 699 00:53:30,367 --> 00:53:34,076 Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along. 700 00:53:34,167 --> 00:53:35,805 Oh, Charlie! 701 00:53:35,887 --> 00:53:39,323 Oh, God! The way you used to look at me! 702 00:53:39,407 --> 00:53:41,716 I just misread it, that's all. 703 00:53:41,807 --> 00:53:44,321 I thought you were going to propose... 704 00:53:44,407 --> 00:53:46,921 ..and you were just working out how to leave! 705 00:53:47,007 --> 00:53:50,795 - No, no. I wasn't. - Oh, God, this is ridiculous! 706 00:53:50,887 --> 00:53:51,876 - Hen... - No. 707 00:53:51,967 --> 00:53:55,004 - Hen... Hen... - No. 708 00:53:55,087 --> 00:53:58,363 - Having a good night? - Yes, yes... 709 00:53:58,447 --> 00:54:03,282 It's... it's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value. 710 00:54:03,367 --> 00:54:07,121 - I thought you'd gone. - No. Hamish took the Edinburgh sleeper. 711 00:54:07,207 --> 00:54:09,482 I'm off now. Keep me company? 712 00:54:23,647 --> 00:54:25,638 Here, please. 713 00:54:26,407 --> 00:54:28,875 You wanna come up for a nightcap? 714 00:54:30,807 --> 00:54:34,117 - You sure? - Well, yes. I think we can risk it. 715 00:54:34,207 --> 00:54:37,961 I'm pretty sure I can resist you. You're not that cute. 716 00:54:38,527 --> 00:54:40,677 Sorry... Yeah, great. 717 00:55:51,327 --> 00:55:54,444 Morning, Charles. Breakfast's up. 718 00:55:54,527 --> 00:55:58,918 ONE MONTH LATER 719 00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,962 What are you up to today? 720 00:56:03,047 --> 00:56:04,685 Oh, yeah... 721 00:56:05,647 --> 00:56:10,243 I'm taking advantage of the fact that, for the first time in my entire life,... 722 00:56:10,327 --> 00:56:13,524 ..it's Saturday and I don't have a wedding to go to. 723 00:56:13,607 --> 00:56:15,882 All I have to do is not be late for David. 724 00:56:15,967 --> 00:56:17,958 I was going to go for a job. 725 00:56:18,047 --> 00:56:22,757 This new shop called Spank wants a sales assistant. I think I'd be great. 726 00:56:22,847 --> 00:56:26,237 - They sell all this funny rubber stuff. - Oh, no! 727 00:56:26,327 --> 00:56:28,795 Another wedding invitation... 728 00:56:28,887 --> 00:56:31,355 ..and a list. Lovely! 729 00:56:31,447 --> 00:56:33,961 They say rubber's mainly for perverts. 730 00:56:34,047 --> 00:56:37,278 Don't know why. I think it's very practical, actually. 731 00:56:37,367 --> 00:56:40,086 You spill anything on it and it just comes off. 732 00:56:40,167 --> 00:56:42,806 That could be why the perverts like it. 733 00:56:42,887 --> 00:56:45,082 You all right? 734 00:56:46,087 --> 00:56:48,078 Yeah, yeah. 735 00:56:48,727 --> 00:56:52,959 It's that girl, um... Carrie. You remember the, uh... 736 00:56:53,047 --> 00:56:55,242 The American. 737 00:57:04,807 --> 00:57:07,321 Uh, excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. 738 00:57:07,407 --> 00:57:10,524 - Do you have the wedding list for Banks? - Certainly, sir. 739 00:57:10,607 --> 00:57:14,077 Lots of beautiful things for around about the £1,000 mark. 740 00:57:14,167 --> 00:57:15,600 Uh-huh. 741 00:57:15,687 --> 00:57:19,805 What about things around the sort of £50 mark? Is there much? 742 00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:24,202 Well, you could get that Pygmy warrior over there. 743 00:57:24,887 --> 00:57:26,878 This? Excellent! 744 00:57:26,967 --> 00:57:30,642 If you could find someone to chip in the other 3,950. 745 00:57:30,727 --> 00:57:33,161 Or our carrier bags are £1.50 each. 746 00:57:33,247 --> 00:57:35,636 Why don't you just get 33 of them? 747 00:57:37,687 --> 00:57:40,440 Well, l... I think I'll probably leave it. 748 00:57:40,527 --> 00:57:43,485 Thanks very much. You've been very, um... 749 00:57:44,207 --> 00:57:47,244 - What did you get? - Blimey! 750 00:57:47,327 --> 00:57:49,602 Well, I never! Um... 751 00:57:49,687 --> 00:57:52,759 Um... nothing yet. I'm just, you know, deciding. 752 00:57:52,847 --> 00:57:55,919 - It's nice to see you. - It's nice to see you, 753 00:57:56,887 --> 00:58:01,244 This present thing is great. I should've gotten married years ago. 754 00:58:01,327 --> 00:58:04,205 - Anybody get the Pygmy? - The young man thought about it... 755 00:58:04,287 --> 00:58:06,755 Oh, no! (giggles) 756 00:58:06,847 --> 00:58:09,407 Just... just get me an ashtray. 757 00:58:10,007 --> 00:58:13,124 Uh, are... are you free for about a half-hour? 758 00:58:13,207 --> 00:58:14,560 Yeah, yeah. 759 00:58:14,647 --> 00:58:17,764 I'm meeting my brother, but... I can be a bit late. 760 00:58:17,847 --> 00:58:21,203 Oh, good! You have an important decision to make. 761 00:58:21,287 --> 00:58:24,802 - (Carrie) Now, you mustn't laugh! - OK. Right. 762 00:58:24,887 --> 00:58:29,005 ♪ They're writing songs of love 763 00:58:29,327 --> 00:58:31,716 ♪ But not for me... 764 00:58:31,807 --> 00:58:34,640 What do you think? 765 00:58:36,327 --> 00:58:37,919 Divine. 766 00:58:38,007 --> 00:58:40,760 - Bit of a meringue? - Um... 767 00:58:40,847 --> 00:58:41,836 Grrr... 768 00:58:41,927 --> 00:58:44,395 Oh, don't worry. We've only just begun! 769 00:58:47,207 --> 00:58:49,596 What do you think? 770 00:58:50,607 --> 00:58:52,962 - You're kidding. - But it would be wonderful. 771 00:58:53,047 --> 00:58:55,561 Maybe next time. 772 00:58:57,207 --> 00:58:59,596 What do you think? 773 00:59:01,607 --> 00:59:03,996 - Um... uh... - I knew it. 774 00:59:04,087 --> 00:59:08,558 - With a staff, you could look after sheep! - Don't be rude! 775 00:59:09,567 --> 00:59:11,558 It's a bit sexy, this. 776 00:59:12,847 --> 00:59:14,644 Well... 777 00:59:14,727 --> 00:59:17,844 If I were your husband, I would die of pride. 778 00:59:17,927 --> 00:59:19,918 You may be right. It is dangerous. 779 00:59:20,007 --> 00:59:23,716 There's nothing worse at a wedding than a priest with an erection. 780 00:59:29,087 --> 00:59:32,124 It's strange thinking you'll never sleep with anyone else. 781 00:59:32,207 --> 00:59:36,598 - You don't think you'll be unfaithful? - No. Not once I'm married. 782 00:59:36,687 --> 00:59:40,077 I told Hamish I'll kill him if he does, so I'd better stick to that. 783 00:59:40,167 --> 00:59:41,566 Quite right. 784 00:59:41,647 --> 00:59:44,639 Anyway, I reckon I've had my fair run at it. 785 00:59:45,287 --> 00:59:48,757 What is a fair run these days, down your way? 786 00:59:48,847 --> 00:59:51,315 Oh, I don't know. 787 00:59:51,407 --> 00:59:53,398 More than one. 788 00:59:53,487 --> 00:59:55,682 Well, come on! Tell me. 789 00:59:56,687 --> 00:59:59,520 I've seen the dress. We have no secrets. 790 01:00:03,407 --> 01:00:05,398 Well... 791 01:00:06,167 --> 01:00:08,203 The first one,... 792 01:00:08,287 --> 01:00:11,404 ..of course not easily forgotten, was kinda nice. 793 01:00:12,527 --> 01:00:15,758 - Two... hairy back. - (Charles chuckles) 794 01:00:16,367 --> 01:00:17,925 Three, four, five... 795 01:00:18,007 --> 01:00:22,046 Um, six... was on my birthday in my parents' room. 796 01:00:22,367 --> 01:00:24,597 - Which birthday? - 17th. 797 01:00:24,687 --> 01:00:27,565 - We've only reached 17? - I grew up in the country. 798 01:00:27,647 --> 01:00:30,161 Lots of rolling around in haystacks. 799 01:00:30,687 --> 01:00:33,679 OK. Seven... Mmm... 800 01:00:33,767 --> 01:00:36,759 Eight... unfortunately, was quite a shock. 801 01:00:37,807 --> 01:00:41,516 Nine, against a fence. Very uncomfortable. Don't try it. 802 01:00:41,607 --> 01:00:42,596 I won't. 803 01:00:42,687 --> 01:00:46,157 10, oh... was gorgeous. Just heaven, just... 804 01:00:47,007 --> 01:00:49,282 - Oh, he was wonderful! - I hate him. 805 01:00:51,887 --> 01:00:54,845 1 1, obviously after 10, disappointing. 806 01:00:54,927 --> 01:00:57,441 12 through 17, the university years. 807 01:00:57,527 --> 01:00:59,643 Sensitive, caring, intelligent boys. 808 01:00:59,727 --> 01:01:02,480 Sexually speaking, a real low patch. 809 01:01:02,567 --> 01:01:04,000 Um... 810 01:01:04,087 --> 01:01:06,237 18... broke my heart. 811 01:01:06,327 --> 01:01:08,716 - Years of yearning. - I'm sorry. 812 01:01:09,047 --> 01:01:12,084 20... Oh, my God! I can't believe I've reached 20. 813 01:01:13,167 --> 01:01:15,886 21, elephant tongue. 814 01:01:17,367 --> 01:01:20,962 22 kept falling asleep. That was my first year in England. 815 01:01:21,447 --> 01:01:22,436 I do apologise. 816 01:01:22,527 --> 01:01:25,519 - 23 and 24 together. That was something! - Seriously? 817 01:01:25,607 --> 01:01:27,802 27... That was a mistake. 818 01:01:28,887 --> 01:01:32,675 - Suddenly at 27 you make a mistake? - Yes, he kept screaming. 819 01:01:32,767 --> 01:01:35,839 Very off-putting. I nearly gave up on the whole thing. 820 01:01:35,927 --> 01:01:38,566 But Spencer changed my mind. That's 28. 821 01:01:38,647 --> 01:01:41,559 - His father, 29. - With his father? 822 01:01:41,967 --> 01:01:44,481 30... ugh! 823 01:01:44,567 --> 01:01:46,558 31... oh, my God. 824 01:01:47,367 --> 01:01:50,439 32... was lovely. 825 01:01:51,847 --> 01:01:55,283 And then my fiancé, that's 33. 826 01:01:56,407 --> 01:01:58,716 Wow! 827 01:01:58,807 --> 01:02:02,277 So... I, uh... came after your fiancé? 828 01:02:02,647 --> 01:02:05,036 No, you were 32. 829 01:02:05,847 --> 01:02:08,645 - Oh! - So there you go. 830 01:02:08,727 --> 01:02:12,356 Less than Madonna, more than Princess Di - I hope! 831 01:02:12,927 --> 01:02:15,361 And how about you? How many have you slept with? 832 01:02:15,447 --> 01:02:18,439 Christ! Nothing like that many. I don't know... 833 01:02:18,527 --> 01:02:21,519 I don't know what the fuck I've been doing with my time. 834 01:02:21,607 --> 01:02:25,885 Work, probably. Yeah, work. I have been working late... a lot. 835 01:02:33,487 --> 01:02:35,876 I wish I'd rung you. 836 01:02:37,567 --> 01:02:39,956 But then you never rang me. 837 01:02:40,887 --> 01:02:44,562 You ruthlessly slept with me twice and never rang me. 838 01:02:48,327 --> 01:02:50,318 Oh, bollocks! 839 01:02:51,047 --> 01:02:53,242 Help me, please! Please! 840 01:02:59,447 --> 01:03:03,645 You're no longer my brother, you're just some git I once met. 841 01:03:03,727 --> 01:03:05,479 I'm sorry. 842 01:03:05,567 --> 01:03:08,320 Carrie, this is David, my brother. 843 01:03:08,407 --> 01:03:10,398 This is Carrie. 844 01:03:11,487 --> 01:03:12,840 Hi. 845 01:03:12,927 --> 01:03:15,760 We were buying her a wedding dress. 846 01:03:15,847 --> 01:03:18,486 Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying? 847 01:03:18,567 --> 01:03:20,523 Some total penis. 848 01:03:20,607 --> 01:03:24,236 What is it about penises that they get such great wives? 849 01:03:26,567 --> 01:03:29,684 I was just telling him about, um, you marrying Hamish... 850 01:03:29,767 --> 01:03:33,362 ..and he said it couldn't have happened to a nicer fellow. 851 01:03:33,927 --> 01:03:36,680 Didn't you do it with her once? 852 01:03:36,767 --> 01:03:39,759 - Where are you doing it? - Scotland. 853 01:03:39,847 --> 01:03:41,280 Yes. 854 01:03:41,367 --> 01:03:44,040 Beautiful breasts. 855 01:03:44,127 --> 01:03:47,039 He says that's a beautiful place. Hilly. 856 01:03:48,047 --> 01:03:50,322 You should come to the wedding, too. 857 01:03:50,407 --> 01:03:55,481 I want lots of friends to make up for the gruesome stiffs that Hamish knows. 858 01:03:56,287 --> 01:03:58,517 Well, you'd better go in. 859 01:03:58,927 --> 01:04:00,246 Bye. 860 01:04:00,327 --> 01:04:02,522 - Bye. - Bye. 861 01:04:06,247 --> 01:04:09,080 Come on - we're late. 862 01:04:12,407 --> 01:04:14,398 (Charles) Fuck it! 863 01:04:26,567 --> 01:04:28,444 Um, look. Sorry. 864 01:04:28,527 --> 01:04:29,642 Sorry. 865 01:04:29,727 --> 01:04:33,163 I just, um, well... This is a really stupid question,... 866 01:04:33,247 --> 01:04:36,045 ..particularly in view of our shopping excursion,... 867 01:04:36,127 --> 01:04:39,802 ..but, uh... I just wondered if by any chance... 868 01:04:39,887 --> 01:04:44,756 Um, uh... I mean, obviously not, because I've only slept with nine people. 869 01:04:44,847 --> 01:04:47,077 But l... I just wondered, uh... 870 01:04:47,167 --> 01:04:49,635 I really feel, um... uh... 871 01:04:49,727 --> 01:04:54,005 In short, to recap in a slightly clearer version, uh... 872 01:04:54,087 --> 01:04:58,558 ..in the words of David Cassidy, while still with the Partridge Family,... 873 01:04:58,647 --> 01:05:01,684 ..I think I love you. And, uh... 874 01:05:01,767 --> 01:05:06,602 I... I... I... just wondered whether by any chance you wouldn't like to, um... 875 01:05:06,687 --> 01:05:08,678 Uh... uh... 876 01:05:09,487 --> 01:05:12,445 No. No. No, of course not. 877 01:05:12,807 --> 01:05:13,796 Um... 878 01:05:13,887 --> 01:05:16,162 I am an idiot. He's not. 879 01:05:16,247 --> 01:05:18,283 Excellent. Excellent. Fantastic. 880 01:05:18,367 --> 01:05:21,598 Lovely to see you. Sorry to disturb. Better get on. 881 01:05:22,007 --> 01:05:25,124 - Fuck! - That was very romantic. 882 01:05:28,167 --> 01:05:32,365 Well, I thought it over a lot, you know. I wanted to get it just right. 883 01:05:33,847 --> 01:05:36,600 Important to have said it, I think. 884 01:05:36,687 --> 01:05:38,996 Said what, exactly? 885 01:05:40,847 --> 01:05:44,840 Said, uh... you know, what I just said about, uh... 886 01:05:46,167 --> 01:05:48,158 ..David Cassidy. 887 01:05:51,527 --> 01:05:54,246 You're lovely. 888 01:06:18,487 --> 01:06:20,523 (thunder) 889 01:06:21,367 --> 01:06:24,996 ONE MONTH LATER 890 01:06:44,287 --> 01:06:48,838 It was ordained for lifelong faithful relationships and conjugal love. 891 01:06:48,927 --> 01:06:51,725 It was ordained for the welfare of human society,... 892 01:06:51,807 --> 01:06:53,798 ..which can be strong and happy... 893 01:06:53,887 --> 01:06:56,879 ..only when the marriage bond is held in honour. 894 01:06:57,807 --> 01:07:02,437 Into this holy estate these two persons now desire to enter. 895 01:07:03,407 --> 01:07:06,365 Wherefore, if anyone can show any just cause... 896 01:07:06,447 --> 01:07:09,917 ..why they may not lawfully be joined together in marriage,... 897 01:07:10,007 --> 01:07:11,998 ..Iet him now declare it. 898 01:07:12,087 --> 01:07:13,645 (latch clicks) 899 01:07:16,167 --> 01:07:17,839 (whispers) Sorry. 900 01:07:17,927 --> 01:07:19,918 Please rise. 901 01:07:22,647 --> 01:07:27,516 Do you, Hamish, take this woman Caroline to be your wedded wife... 902 01:07:27,607 --> 01:07:31,486 ..and do you, in the presence of God and before this congregation,... 903 01:07:31,567 --> 01:07:35,799 ..promise and covenant to be to her a loving and faithful husband... 904 01:07:35,887 --> 01:07:38,685 ..until God shall separate you by death? 905 01:07:38,767 --> 01:07:40,723 I do. 906 01:07:40,807 --> 01:07:45,039 Do you, Caroline, take this man Hamish to be your wedded husband... 907 01:07:45,127 --> 01:07:48,915 ..and do you, in the presence of God and before this congregation,... 908 01:07:49,007 --> 01:07:52,522 ..promise and covenant to be to him a loving and faithful wife... 909 01:07:52,607 --> 01:07:55,041 ..until God shall separate you by death? 910 01:07:55,127 --> 01:07:56,196 I do. 911 01:07:56,287 --> 01:07:58,198 As a token of the covenant... 912 01:07:58,287 --> 01:07:59,515 Fuck-a-doodle-doo! 913 01:07:59,607 --> 01:08:02,201 ..these rings are given and received. 914 01:08:02,287 --> 01:08:04,164 By these signs... 915 01:08:24,807 --> 01:08:28,004 - How awfully nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 916 01:08:28,087 --> 01:08:30,078 How do you do? 917 01:08:30,447 --> 01:08:32,438 - Hello. - Fred... 918 01:08:33,967 --> 01:08:36,686 You look beautiful. Not a meringue in sight. 919 01:08:36,767 --> 01:08:38,758 Thanks. 920 01:08:43,767 --> 01:08:45,758 Blimey! 921 01:08:46,527 --> 01:08:49,564 It's Brigadoon! It's bloody Brigadoon! 922 01:08:59,967 --> 01:09:03,403 Dear old things, as you know, I've always been proud... 923 01:09:03,487 --> 01:09:06,763 ..that there's not a wedding ring between the lot of us. 924 01:09:06,847 --> 01:09:10,362 Over the passing of the years, it's beginning to distress me. 925 01:09:10,447 --> 01:09:14,326 I'd like to go to the wedding of someone I really loved for a change. 926 01:09:14,407 --> 01:09:17,479 Don't blame me. I've asked practically everyone I know. 927 01:09:17,567 --> 01:09:19,956 - You haven't asked me. - Haven't l? 928 01:09:20,047 --> 01:09:23,323 Oh, Scarlett... Well, would you like to? 929 01:09:23,407 --> 01:09:25,967 No, thank you. It was very nice of you to ask. 930 01:09:26,047 --> 01:09:27,844 Well... Any time. 931 01:09:27,927 --> 01:09:30,805 Quite right, Tom, quite right. That's the spirit. 932 01:09:30,887 --> 01:09:33,685 Tonight, these are your orders. 933 01:09:33,767 --> 01:09:37,760 Go forth and conjugate. Find husbands and wives. 934 01:09:37,847 --> 01:09:41,283 Excellent. What do you think, Fifi? Spot a potential hubby? 935 01:09:41,367 --> 01:09:43,642 - Bugger off, Tom. - Quite right. 936 01:09:43,727 --> 01:09:46,366 A toast... before we go into battle. 937 01:09:47,927 --> 01:09:49,599 True love. 938 01:09:49,687 --> 01:09:52,042 In whatever shape or form it may come. 939 01:09:52,127 --> 01:09:57,201 May we all in our dotage be proud to say "l was adored once, too." 940 01:09:58,327 --> 01:10:01,399 - True love. - (all) True love! 941 01:10:08,887 --> 01:10:11,845 Apparently, a-a-a-an enormous number of people... 942 01:10:11,927 --> 01:10:15,158 ..actually bump into their future spouses at weddings,... 943 01:10:15,247 --> 01:10:17,238 ..w-w-w-which is interesting. 944 01:10:17,327 --> 01:10:20,478 - Yes, I met my husband at a wedding. - Ah. 945 01:10:27,727 --> 01:10:32,323 Good Lord, I seem to have finished my drink. If you'll excuse me. 946 01:10:36,687 --> 01:10:39,326 Hello. My name's Scarlett. 947 01:10:39,407 --> 01:10:42,365 Named after Scarlett O'Hara, but much less trouble. 948 01:10:42,447 --> 01:10:44,756 - What's your name? - My name's Rhett. 949 01:10:45,487 --> 01:10:46,920 No... 950 01:10:47,007 --> 01:10:49,237 - Not really? - No, not really. 951 01:10:49,327 --> 01:10:52,285 - In fact, it's Chester. - You kidder! 952 01:10:53,527 --> 01:10:56,678 I always imagine Americans are gonna be dull as shit. 953 01:10:56,767 --> 01:10:58,758 Of course you're not, are you? 954 01:10:58,847 --> 01:11:01,441 Steve Martin's American, isn't he? 955 01:11:02,167 --> 01:11:04,123 Yes, he is. 956 01:11:04,207 --> 01:11:06,926 You're lovely! 957 01:11:07,447 --> 01:11:09,438 Come on! 958 01:11:14,887 --> 01:11:17,276 Hello, Charles. 959 01:11:17,367 --> 01:11:19,562 Oh, Hen. Hi. 960 01:11:19,647 --> 01:11:22,480 Um... Look, I couldn't really bear a scene today. 961 01:11:22,567 --> 01:11:25,320 I know we've probably got tons to talk about... 962 01:11:25,407 --> 01:11:28,126 Did I behave that atrociously last time? 963 01:11:28,727 --> 01:11:31,639 Well, you remember the shower scene in Psycho? 964 01:11:32,207 --> 01:11:34,198 Scarier. 965 01:11:35,007 --> 01:11:37,043 God, I'm depressed, Hen! How are you? 966 01:11:37,127 --> 01:11:42,247 I'm cheerful! I weigh almost nothing and I've got a divine new boyfriend. 967 01:11:44,447 --> 01:11:46,915 Perhaps you were right. We should've got married. 968 01:11:47,007 --> 01:11:49,077 No! I'd have had to marry your friends... 969 01:11:49,167 --> 01:11:52,842 -..and I'm not sure I could take Fiona. - Fiona loves you. 970 01:11:52,927 --> 01:11:56,761 - Fiona calls me Duckface. - Well, I never heard that. 971 01:11:56,847 --> 01:11:59,725 Look, darling, come to lunch soon. Give me a ring. 972 01:11:59,807 --> 01:12:01,798 Oh, still cute! 973 01:12:06,327 --> 01:12:08,318 How's Duckface? 974 01:12:08,407 --> 01:12:10,318 Good form, actually. Not too mad. 975 01:12:10,847 --> 01:12:14,123 - (bagpipes) - Ladies and gentlemen,... 976 01:12:14,207 --> 01:12:16,402 ..the bride and groom! 977 01:12:52,607 --> 01:12:54,996 You like this girl, don't you? 978 01:12:57,367 --> 01:12:59,358 Yes. 979 01:13:01,687 --> 01:13:03,678 Yes, it's, uh... 980 01:13:04,487 --> 01:13:07,479 It's a strange thing when at last it happens. 981 01:13:07,567 --> 01:13:09,558 And, uh... (chuckles) 982 01:13:09,687 --> 01:13:12,076 ..she's marrying someone else. 983 01:13:19,927 --> 01:13:24,045 How about you, Fifi? Have you identified a future partner for life yet? 984 01:13:25,007 --> 01:13:27,396 No need, really. 985 01:13:28,247 --> 01:13:30,522 The deed is done. 986 01:13:30,607 --> 01:13:33,644 I've been in love with the same bloke for ages. 987 01:13:34,327 --> 01:13:37,046 Have you? Who's that? 988 01:13:38,447 --> 01:13:40,836 You, Charlie. 989 01:13:58,407 --> 01:14:00,716 It's always been you. 990 01:14:01,727 --> 01:14:04,639 Since first we met... 991 01:14:04,727 --> 01:14:06,718 ..oh, so many years ago. 992 01:14:07,887 --> 01:14:10,117 I knew the first moment. 993 01:14:10,207 --> 01:14:13,085 Across a crowded room! A lawn, in fact. 994 01:14:18,567 --> 01:14:20,762 Doesn't matter. 995 01:14:21,807 --> 01:14:25,402 Nothing either of us can do on this one. Such is life. 996 01:14:30,047 --> 01:14:33,119 Friends isn't... bad, you know. 997 01:14:33,207 --> 01:14:35,516 Friends... is quite something. 998 01:14:37,287 --> 01:14:39,278 Oh, Fi... 999 01:14:42,167 --> 01:14:44,158 Fi... 1000 01:14:45,327 --> 01:14:47,318 (sighs) 1001 01:14:49,807 --> 01:14:52,196 It's not all easy, is it? 1002 01:14:52,887 --> 01:14:54,878 No. 1003 01:14:56,647 --> 01:14:59,366 Just forget this business. Not to be. 1004 01:15:02,807 --> 01:15:04,877 Matthew, darling. 1005 01:15:04,967 --> 01:15:08,198 - Where's Gareth? - Torturing Americans. 1006 01:15:08,887 --> 01:15:11,082 How thoughtful of him. 1007 01:15:14,047 --> 01:15:16,959 Do you actually know Oscar Wilde? 1008 01:15:17,047 --> 01:15:19,880 (Scottish accent) Not personally, no. 1009 01:15:20,327 --> 01:15:24,764 But I do know someone who could get his fax number for you. 1010 01:15:25,207 --> 01:15:27,198 Shall we dance? 1011 01:15:48,327 --> 01:15:50,318 (Gareth whoops) 1012 01:15:53,767 --> 01:15:57,123 Ohhh! 1013 01:16:01,567 --> 01:16:03,558 Whoo-hoo! 1014 01:16:10,487 --> 01:16:13,047 Well? Any rings on fingers? 1015 01:16:13,127 --> 01:16:15,243 Gareth, you don't know how lucky you are. 1016 01:16:15,327 --> 01:16:17,966 Finding someone to marry is a tricky business. 1017 01:16:18,047 --> 01:16:22,723 It's hell out there! Matthew's trapped with an evangelist from Minnesota. 1018 01:16:22,807 --> 01:16:24,843 Sweet Jesus, cast out the devil! 1019 01:16:25,487 --> 01:16:30,515 My lords, ladies and gentlemen, please charge your glasses. 1020 01:16:30,607 --> 01:16:34,486 First, and rather unusually, we have the bride. 1021 01:16:36,047 --> 01:16:38,242 Excellent. I love this girl. 1022 01:16:39,407 --> 01:16:41,398 (Carrie) Thank you. 1023 01:16:41,487 --> 01:16:46,277 First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who've flown in from the States. 1024 01:16:46,807 --> 01:16:51,323 As for the rest of you, I'd have thought that lots of frightful Americans flying in... 1025 01:16:51,407 --> 01:16:54,479 ..was an excuse for staying away. So I thank you, too. 1026 01:16:58,327 --> 01:17:02,843 If my darling dad had been here today, he would have been speaking now,... 1027 01:17:02,927 --> 01:17:04,997 ..and I know what he would have said: 1028 01:17:05,087 --> 01:17:10,878 "Great dress, babe, but why in the hell are you marrying the stiff in the skirt?" 1029 01:17:13,247 --> 01:17:17,126 And I would have given him the same answer that I give you: 1030 01:17:17,207 --> 01:17:19,198 "Because I love him." 1031 01:17:19,287 --> 01:17:22,757 As John Lennon said, who died the same year as my dad,... 1032 01:17:22,847 --> 01:17:26,556 .."Love is the answer, and you know that for sure." 1033 01:17:27,927 --> 01:17:30,521 (applause) 1034 01:17:31,087 --> 01:17:34,124 Oh! And, um... one more thing. 1035 01:17:34,207 --> 01:17:38,439 Someone told me here that, if things with Hamish didn't work out, he would step in. 1036 01:17:38,527 --> 01:17:41,883 I just wanted to say: thanks, and I'll keep you posted. 1037 01:17:46,567 --> 01:17:47,556 Bravo! 1038 01:17:47,647 --> 01:17:51,435 Now, my lords, ladies and gentlemen, Sir Hamish Banks. 1039 01:17:57,687 --> 01:18:00,360 Anyone involved in politics for the last 20 years... 1040 01:18:00,447 --> 01:18:03,519 ..has got used to being upstaged by a woman! 1041 01:18:04,807 --> 01:18:07,924 I didn't expect it to happen to me on my wedding day! 1042 01:18:08,007 --> 01:18:11,795 However, I must also say that I'm quite happy... 1043 01:18:11,887 --> 01:18:15,516 ..to be upstaged by this woman for the rest of my life. 1044 01:18:15,607 --> 01:18:19,839 Is that some barracking at the back? We politicians are used to that. 1045 01:18:20,007 --> 01:18:22,840 - Shit! Find a... find a doctor! - Right. OK. 1046 01:18:22,927 --> 01:18:25,680 First of all, my compliments to the bridesmaids. 1047 01:18:25,767 --> 01:18:28,076 You did your duties superbly. 1048 01:18:28,167 --> 01:18:32,479 And obviously I intend to use you every time I get married from now on! 1049 01:18:38,247 --> 01:18:41,956 (Hamish) I want to thank all those wonderful ladies of the parish... 1050 01:18:42,047 --> 01:18:44,197 ..who did the flowers in the church. 1051 01:18:44,287 --> 01:18:48,360 The stern old building took on a look of flushed youth today. 1052 01:18:51,407 --> 01:18:53,398 (applause) 1053 01:18:56,447 --> 01:18:59,996 I remember the first time I laid eyes on Caroline. 1054 01:19:00,087 --> 01:19:04,763 I thought to myself: "lf by any chance she's short-sighted,... 1055 01:19:04,847 --> 01:19:08,157 ..I might just be happy for the rest of my life." 1056 01:19:09,287 --> 01:19:12,085 I thought I could see my future for the first time. 1057 01:19:12,167 --> 01:19:17,400 It was a joyful one for years and years to come. 1058 01:19:23,567 --> 01:19:26,718 (all) ♪ For they are jolly good fellows 1059 01:19:27,007 --> 01:19:29,965 ♪ For they are jolly good fellows 1060 01:19:30,287 --> 01:19:34,280 ♪ For they are jolly good fellows 1061 01:19:34,727 --> 01:19:37,161 ♪ And so say all of us 1062 01:20:45,007 --> 01:20:49,205 Good morning, and a warm welcome to you all on this cold day. 1063 01:20:49,607 --> 01:20:52,201 Our service will begin in a few minutes. 1064 01:20:52,287 --> 01:20:56,758 But first we have asked Matthew, Gareth's closest friend,... 1065 01:20:56,847 --> 01:20:59,441 ..to say a few words. 1066 01:21:07,527 --> 01:21:10,644 Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. 1067 01:21:10,727 --> 01:21:13,446 He said it was easier to get enthusiastic... 1068 01:21:13,527 --> 01:21:18,362 ..about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in. 1069 01:21:20,087 --> 01:21:23,204 In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people... 1070 01:21:23,287 --> 01:21:27,838 ..to get a general picture of how Gareth was regarded by those who met him. 1071 01:21:29,247 --> 01:21:33,126 "Fat" seems to have been a word people most connected with him. 1072 01:21:35,127 --> 01:21:37,846 "Terribly rude" also rang a lot of bells. 1073 01:21:39,647 --> 01:21:41,842 So "very fat" and "very rude"... 1074 01:21:41,927 --> 01:21:45,442 ..seems to have been the stranger's viewpoint. 1075 01:21:45,527 --> 01:21:49,202 But some of you have rung me and let me know that you loved him,... 1076 01:21:49,287 --> 01:21:52,404 ..which I know he would have been thrilled to hear. 1077 01:21:52,927 --> 01:21:58,126 You remember his fabulous hospitality, his strange experimental cooking. 1078 01:22:00,327 --> 01:22:05,037 The recipe for duck à la banana fortunately goes with him to his grave. 1079 01:22:06,487 --> 01:22:10,924 Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. 1080 01:22:11,647 --> 01:22:14,559 And, when joyful,... 1081 01:22:14,647 --> 01:22:17,559 ..when joyful, for highly vocal drunkenness. 1082 01:22:19,927 --> 01:22:22,521 I hope joyful is how you will remember him. 1083 01:22:25,127 --> 01:22:27,516 Not stuck in a box in a church. 1084 01:22:30,847 --> 01:22:34,886 Pick your favourite of his waistcoats and remember him that way. 1085 01:22:35,287 --> 01:22:39,041 The most splendid, replete,... 1086 01:22:40,167 --> 01:22:43,159 ..big-hearted,... 1087 01:22:43,687 --> 01:22:46,281 ..weak-hearted, as it turned out,... 1088 01:22:46,367 --> 01:22:49,359 ..and jolly bugger most of us ever met. 1089 01:22:52,247 --> 01:22:55,398 As for me, you may ask how I will remember him. 1090 01:22:56,807 --> 01:22:59,196 What I thought of him. 1091 01:23:03,127 --> 01:23:06,039 Unfortunately, there I run out of words. 1092 01:23:09,207 --> 01:23:11,402 Forgive me if I turn from my own feelings... 1093 01:23:11,487 --> 01:23:16,641 ..to the words of another splendid bugger, WH Auden. 1094 01:23:17,367 --> 01:23:19,517 This is actually what I want to say: 1095 01:23:23,007 --> 01:23:26,397 Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, 1096 01:23:28,087 --> 01:23:31,284 Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, 1097 01:23:33,247 --> 01:23:36,398 Silence the pianos and with muffled drum 1098 01:23:36,487 --> 01:23:40,844 Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. 1099 01:23:42,407 --> 01:23:45,046 Let the aeroplanes circle moaning overhead 1100 01:23:45,127 --> 01:23:49,245 Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is dead'. 1101 01:23:51,167 --> 01:23:54,682 Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, 1102 01:23:56,727 --> 01:24:00,037 Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. 1103 01:24:01,647 --> 01:24:05,401 He was my North, my South, my East and West. 1104 01:24:07,087 --> 01:24:10,318 My working week and my Sunday rest, 1105 01:24:11,887 --> 01:24:15,846 My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; 1106 01:24:18,447 --> 01:24:21,564 I thought that love would last for ever: 1107 01:24:22,447 --> 01:24:24,642 I was wrong. 1108 01:24:27,807 --> 01:24:30,002 The stars are not wanted now: 1109 01:24:31,367 --> 01:24:33,756 Put out every one; 1110 01:24:34,927 --> 01:24:37,839 Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; 1111 01:24:40,447 --> 01:24:43,245 Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; 1112 01:24:45,047 --> 01:24:48,323 For nothing now can ever come to any good. 1113 01:25:23,807 --> 01:25:28,323 It was good of you to come. Must have been the shortest honeymoon in history. 1114 01:25:28,407 --> 01:25:30,967 No, it's fine. We'll do it some other time. 1115 01:25:35,767 --> 01:25:37,962 You know, what you said in the street... 1116 01:25:38,047 --> 01:25:41,323 - Yes, I'm sorry about that. - No, I liked it. 1117 01:25:41,407 --> 01:25:44,080 I liked you saying it. 1118 01:25:54,087 --> 01:25:57,636 - Charlie, I'll take Scarlett home, all right? - Yeah. 1119 01:25:58,407 --> 01:26:00,398 Darling Fi. 1120 01:26:08,407 --> 01:26:12,605 - Walk, Charlie? - Yeah. Yeah, that would be grand. 1121 01:26:16,207 --> 01:26:19,836 Never felt like that. I mean, something vaguely similar... 1122 01:26:19,927 --> 01:26:22,566 ..for Jilly... when I was young. 1123 01:26:22,647 --> 01:26:25,400 - Jilly? - Labrador. 1124 01:26:27,847 --> 01:26:30,202 Yes, it's odd, isn't it? 1125 01:26:30,287 --> 01:26:32,755 All these years we've been single and proud of it... 1126 01:26:32,847 --> 01:26:37,477 ..and never noticed that two of us were, in effect, married all this time. 1127 01:26:37,567 --> 01:26:39,876 Traitors in our midst. 1128 01:26:43,527 --> 01:26:47,406 You know, I think death is hardest for the parents, don't you? 1129 01:26:47,487 --> 01:26:49,796 I hope I die before my children. 1130 01:26:49,887 --> 01:26:54,199 Tom... There's one thing I find really, uh... 1131 01:26:57,247 --> 01:27:01,001 Well... It's your total confidence that you will get married. 1132 01:27:01,087 --> 01:27:03,885 I mean, what if you never find the right girl? 1133 01:27:05,087 --> 01:27:06,076 Sorry? 1134 01:27:06,167 --> 01:27:09,523 Surely, if that service shows anything,... 1135 01:27:09,607 --> 01:27:12,804 ..it shows that there is such a thing as a perfect match. 1136 01:27:12,887 --> 01:27:17,802 If we can't be like Gareth and Matthew, then maybe we should just let it go. 1137 01:27:18,567 --> 01:27:21,081 Some of us are not gonna get married. 1138 01:27:21,167 --> 01:27:23,556 Well, I don't know, Charlie. 1139 01:27:24,327 --> 01:27:28,878 The truth is, unlike you, I never expected the thunderbolt. 1140 01:27:29,847 --> 01:27:33,476 I always just hoped that I'd meet some nice, friendly girl,... 1141 01:27:33,567 --> 01:27:38,197 ..Iike the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick,... 1142 01:27:38,287 --> 01:27:42,758 ..then pop the question and... settle down and... be happy. 1143 01:27:44,247 --> 01:27:47,922 It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce... 1144 01:27:48,247 --> 01:27:51,284 I'll give you six months at the outside, Tom. 1145 01:27:52,247 --> 01:27:54,238 Yeah, maybe you're right. 1146 01:27:55,167 --> 01:27:59,160 Maybe all this waiting for one-true-love stuff... 1147 01:27:59,247 --> 01:28:01,636 ..gets you nowhere. 1148 01:28:03,127 --> 01:28:05,243 (alarm rings) 1149 01:28:11,247 --> 01:28:13,124 - (another alarm) - Mm? 1150 01:28:13,207 --> 01:28:16,597 - (third and fourth alarms) - Mmm? 1151 01:28:16,687 --> 01:28:17,836 Ahh! 1152 01:28:17,927 --> 01:28:21,078 - What the fuck is going on? - (all alarms ringing) 1153 01:28:24,247 --> 01:28:27,956 I thought we'd better make absolutely sure we weren't late. 1154 01:28:28,527 --> 01:28:30,165 Excellent wedding hairstyle. 1155 01:28:30,767 --> 01:28:33,725 TEN MONTHS LATER 1156 01:28:33,807 --> 01:28:37,277 Matthew... the best-looking best man in the world. 1157 01:28:37,887 --> 01:28:42,039 Listen... Thank you for doing this today. 1158 01:28:42,127 --> 01:28:44,322 Of course. 1159 01:28:46,527 --> 01:28:49,439 I wish Gareth was here. 1160 01:28:49,527 --> 01:28:51,722 Bet he does, too. 1161 01:28:54,127 --> 01:28:57,597 I'm sorry we're so late. The others are just parking the car. 1162 01:28:57,687 --> 01:28:59,678 I thought we'd all go with Tom. 1163 01:28:59,767 --> 01:29:03,476 - Late? So late? - Yeah. It's 9.45. 1164 01:29:03,567 --> 01:29:07,958 - 9.45? - Yep. 45 minutes till "l do". 1165 01:29:08,047 --> 01:29:11,244 Oh, bloody Tom! I told him to set the alarm for eight! 1166 01:29:11,607 --> 01:29:13,598 Fuck it! Fuck! 1167 01:29:17,687 --> 01:29:20,406 - Scarlett. - Oh, hi! 1168 01:29:20,487 --> 01:29:23,877 - You ready? - Absolutely. Give me 20 seconds. 1169 01:29:33,367 --> 01:29:34,925 - Time. - Honestly? 1170 01:29:35,007 --> 01:29:35,883 Yes! Time! 1171 01:29:35,967 --> 01:29:38,117 It's about ten to nine. 1172 01:29:38,207 --> 01:29:40,198 (giggling) 1173 01:29:47,447 --> 01:29:49,483 (click) 1174 01:29:55,647 --> 01:29:57,638 Bastards. 1175 01:29:59,807 --> 01:30:02,480 Jessica, stop jumping up and down, please. 1176 01:30:05,927 --> 01:30:08,487 (Scarlett) One, two, three, smile! 1177 01:30:11,527 --> 01:30:16,123 - This is splendid tuck. - Yes, I think I might say a little word. 1178 01:30:16,207 --> 01:30:20,962 As you know, I've been a close observer of Charles's love life for many years. 1179 01:30:21,047 --> 01:30:25,723 But recently I'd started to despair and fear that really he was married to us,... 1180 01:30:25,807 --> 01:30:30,039 -..except that we won't have his babies. - Oh, I don't know about that. 1181 01:30:30,127 --> 01:30:33,597 But it's all turned out splendidly. The girl is sadly crazy,... 1182 01:30:33,687 --> 01:30:35,803 ..but perhaps that's why he loves her. 1183 01:30:35,887 --> 01:30:40,642 I'd like to propose a toast to my Charlie and his beautiful girl on this tragic day. 1184 01:30:40,727 --> 01:30:44,276 - So, be happy and don't forget us. - Thank you. 1185 01:30:44,367 --> 01:30:48,121 - To Charles and Duckface. - (others) Charles and Duckface! 1186 01:30:54,087 --> 01:30:56,396 - What do you think? - You look divine. 1187 01:30:56,487 --> 01:30:58,921 It does work, doesn't it? Yes. 1188 01:31:01,847 --> 01:31:05,840 I'd like to thank Fiona for those charming words about my future wife. 1189 01:31:05,927 --> 01:31:09,966 I'd like to take this opportunity to read a message from her to you all. 1190 01:31:10,047 --> 01:31:11,685 Oh, this is exciting! 1191 01:31:11,767 --> 01:31:15,760 She says "Any of you come near the house, I'll set the dogs on you." 1192 01:31:15,847 --> 01:31:18,520 I think that's a nice touch. 1193 01:31:18,607 --> 01:31:20,518 Sweet! Sweet. 1194 01:31:20,607 --> 01:31:22,598 "Set the dogs on you"! 1195 01:31:24,287 --> 01:31:26,437 John, hi. 1196 01:31:26,527 --> 01:31:28,483 - John, you made it. - Oh, yes. 1197 01:31:28,567 --> 01:31:32,242 I hope me damn sister turns up. Not much of a wedding without a bride. 1198 01:31:32,327 --> 01:31:34,443 - Tom! - Hello, John. 1199 01:31:34,527 --> 01:31:37,041 Bit of a poor show you not having a stag night. 1200 01:31:37,127 --> 01:31:38,276 We did! We did! 1201 01:31:38,367 --> 01:31:42,326 We didn't think it was a very good idea in this day and age. 1202 01:31:42,407 --> 01:31:45,160 Really? Oh! 1203 01:32:03,327 --> 01:32:05,761 Fi, you do look lovely today. 1204 01:32:05,847 --> 01:32:11,001 - I've abandoned my traditional black. - Yes, so you have. 1205 01:32:11,087 --> 01:32:13,885 From now on, I shall be all the colours of the rainbow... 1206 01:32:13,967 --> 01:32:18,085 ..and fall in love with someone who fancies me for a change. 1207 01:32:18,167 --> 01:32:20,158 Darling Fi! 1208 01:32:26,407 --> 01:32:28,637 - Oh... Look. - What? 1209 01:32:28,727 --> 01:32:31,366 Lipstick everywhere. That won't do at all. 1210 01:32:31,727 --> 01:32:33,797 (bells ringing) 1211 01:32:34,727 --> 01:32:36,718 - Hi. - Hi. 1212 01:32:52,247 --> 01:32:54,238 Good luck. 1213 01:32:59,127 --> 01:33:01,561 (Scarlett) Hello. Glad you could come. 1214 01:33:03,007 --> 01:33:05,157 Groom's on the right. Bride's on the left. 1215 01:33:08,727 --> 01:33:12,276 - Groom on the right. Bride on the left. - Oh, my God! 1216 01:33:16,367 --> 01:33:18,517 I thought you'd gone back to Texas! 1217 01:33:19,207 --> 01:33:21,198 Without you, never. 1218 01:33:25,447 --> 01:33:27,438 Good luck. 1219 01:33:31,047 --> 01:33:33,038 Bride or groom? 1220 01:33:35,207 --> 01:33:37,198 Bride or groom? 1221 01:33:37,407 --> 01:33:41,878 It should be perfectly obvious I'm neither. Great God! 1222 01:33:42,927 --> 01:33:45,316 - Bride or groom? - Bride. 1223 01:33:55,207 --> 01:33:58,961 Yes, um... (clears throat) I'm fine. 1224 01:34:01,487 --> 01:34:03,842 You know, I've a feeling we've met before. 1225 01:34:03,927 --> 01:34:06,885 We have. About 25 years ago. 1226 01:34:07,487 --> 01:34:10,877 I'm second cousin Harold's daughter Deirdre. You're Tom. 1227 01:34:10,967 --> 01:34:12,559 Good Lord! 1228 01:34:12,647 --> 01:34:15,002 - So, you're family. - Yes. 1229 01:34:15,807 --> 01:34:19,800 - Only very distant. - Well, yes... of course. 1230 01:34:21,287 --> 01:34:24,404 You said you were, uh, bride? 1231 01:34:24,487 --> 01:34:25,761 Yes. 1232 01:34:25,847 --> 01:34:27,838 Well, do sit. 1233 01:34:28,207 --> 01:34:30,596 Do sit here, Deirdre. 1234 01:34:34,767 --> 01:34:36,758 Golly! 1235 01:34:37,327 --> 01:34:39,079 Thunderbolt city. 1236 01:34:40,087 --> 01:34:42,521 - Hello, Matthew. - Nice to see you. 1237 01:34:42,607 --> 01:34:45,440 - Hello, Charles. - Bernard. How are you? 1238 01:34:45,527 --> 01:34:48,121 - Exhausted, actually. - (Lydia) Oh, bunny! 1239 01:34:48,207 --> 01:34:50,198 - Charles. - Hello, Lyd. 1240 01:34:55,647 --> 01:34:57,638 - Hi. - Hi. 1241 01:34:59,287 --> 01:35:03,360 You look lovely. But then I always did like you dressed for weddings. 1242 01:35:03,727 --> 01:35:07,242 - And on time. - Yeah! Extraordinary thing, isn't it? 1243 01:35:07,327 --> 01:35:12,003 - How's Hamish? - Oh, he's fine... I believe. 1244 01:35:12,087 --> 01:35:14,362 - You believe? - Well, yes. 1245 01:35:14,447 --> 01:35:17,120 He wasn't the man for me after all. 1246 01:35:19,647 --> 01:35:22,480 - You left him? - We left each other. 1247 01:35:25,247 --> 01:35:29,126 - When? - Oh, a few months now. 1248 01:35:29,207 --> 01:35:32,677 March was, uh... hell. By April, it was sordid. 1249 01:35:32,767 --> 01:35:36,726 That's the last time I marry someone three times my age. 1250 01:35:36,807 --> 01:35:39,401 (Matthew) Charles, time to travel. 1251 01:35:39,487 --> 01:35:41,478 Yeah. Yeah. 1252 01:35:43,167 --> 01:35:45,397 Coming. Good. Good... 1253 01:35:48,487 --> 01:35:53,038 - So why didn't you get in touch, then? - I did think about it. 1254 01:35:53,127 --> 01:35:57,200 I wanted to, but, um... I was in a state. 1255 01:35:58,647 --> 01:36:01,400 So, anyway, I don't want to keep you. 1256 01:36:02,767 --> 01:36:05,201 And... I'll see you afterwards. 1257 01:36:05,287 --> 01:36:07,039 Yeah. Fine. 1258 01:36:07,127 --> 01:36:09,118 Wait! 1259 01:36:13,447 --> 01:36:15,438 I'll show you to your seat. 1260 01:36:17,167 --> 01:36:19,556 Just showing her to her seat. 1261 01:36:31,567 --> 01:36:34,127 Our timing's been really bad, hasn't it? 1262 01:36:34,207 --> 01:36:36,641 It's been bad, yes. 1263 01:36:36,727 --> 01:36:38,922 It's been a disaster. 1264 01:36:39,007 --> 01:36:41,396 It has, as you say, been... 1265 01:36:42,567 --> 01:36:44,956 ..very bad indeed. 1266 01:36:48,127 --> 01:36:50,721 God, it's lovely to see you! 1267 01:36:52,847 --> 01:36:55,077 Well, good luck. 1268 01:36:55,167 --> 01:37:00,287 It's pretty easy. Just say "l do" whenever anyone asks you a question. 1269 01:37:05,647 --> 01:37:07,638 Um... 1270 01:37:08,887 --> 01:37:11,606 Could you just give me a sec, Matthew? 1271 01:37:11,687 --> 01:37:14,804 Yes, of course. Freshen up at will. 1272 01:37:33,167 --> 01:37:35,158 Dear Lord,... 1273 01:37:35,247 --> 01:37:37,761 ..forgive me for what I'm about to... 1274 01:37:39,647 --> 01:37:43,640 ..say in this magnificent place of worship. 1275 01:37:45,167 --> 01:37:46,566 Bugger. 1276 01:37:48,407 --> 01:37:50,716 Bugger! 1277 01:37:50,807 --> 01:37:53,082 Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! 1278 01:37:53,167 --> 01:37:55,158 Bugger! 1279 01:37:56,527 --> 01:37:58,643 Can I help at all? 1280 01:37:58,727 --> 01:38:01,082 Huh? No. Thanks. 1281 01:38:01,727 --> 01:38:02,921 Sorry. 1282 01:38:03,007 --> 01:38:06,682 Um, vocal exercises. Big church. 1283 01:38:06,767 --> 01:38:09,281 Excellent. Often do the same myself. 1284 01:38:09,367 --> 01:38:14,236 Not exactly the same vocab, obviously. Rather more alleluias! 1285 01:38:14,327 --> 01:38:16,522 I'll leave you. 1286 01:38:30,087 --> 01:38:32,078 (baby cooing) 1287 01:38:33,807 --> 01:38:35,877 - Bride's arriving. - Oh, fabulous! 1288 01:38:35,967 --> 01:38:38,356 We seem to have lost the groom. 1289 01:38:38,887 --> 01:38:42,800 - Stall her and I'll see if I can find him. - Roger. Wilco. 1290 01:38:49,887 --> 01:38:51,878 - Charles. - Mm. 1291 01:38:53,167 --> 01:38:55,556 It's good to see you. 1292 01:38:57,647 --> 01:38:59,956 Yeah. Yeah. 1293 01:39:00,047 --> 01:39:01,605 Um... 1294 01:39:01,687 --> 01:39:04,838 Matt, what do we, uh, think about marriage? 1295 01:39:05,687 --> 01:39:08,838 Well... Gosh! Uh... 1296 01:39:08,927 --> 01:39:11,646 - Well, I think it's really good... - Mm... 1297 01:39:11,727 --> 01:39:14,958 ..if you love the person with all your heart. 1298 01:39:15,047 --> 01:39:18,244 Well, exactly. Quite. 1299 01:39:21,527 --> 01:39:25,361 All these weddings. All these, um... years. 1300 01:39:26,727 --> 01:39:29,844 All that blasted salmon and champagne. 1301 01:39:29,927 --> 01:39:35,843 Here I am on my own wedding day and l, uh, I'm... still thinking. 1302 01:39:36,527 --> 01:39:38,722 Can I ask about what? 1303 01:39:38,807 --> 01:39:40,798 Um... 1304 01:39:41,447 --> 01:39:43,358 No. 1305 01:39:43,447 --> 01:39:45,438 No, I think best not. 1306 01:39:46,087 --> 01:39:49,318 I'm sorry, there's a delay. A problem with the flowers. 1307 01:39:49,407 --> 01:39:50,396 Flowers? 1308 01:39:50,487 --> 01:39:54,560 There seems to be a staggeringly high proportion of hay fever sufferers... 1309 01:39:54,647 --> 01:39:57,400 ..and they're right next to the damn flowers. 1310 01:39:57,487 --> 01:39:59,557 So we're moving the congregation. 1311 01:39:59,647 --> 01:40:01,956 Don't want the vows obliterated by sneezing. 1312 01:40:02,047 --> 01:40:06,325 Charles, would it be out of place for me to say that time is ticking by? 1313 01:40:08,367 --> 01:40:10,358 What's happening? Tell me. 1314 01:40:14,287 --> 01:40:17,085 Oh, God. 1315 01:40:17,167 --> 01:40:20,523 I just saw Carrie... and she's separated. 1316 01:40:20,607 --> 01:40:23,838 Charles. It's your wedding day. 1317 01:40:27,127 --> 01:40:29,118 Should have started by now. 1318 01:40:30,887 --> 01:40:32,878 I think I've fooled them so far. 1319 01:40:32,967 --> 01:40:36,039 When people think you're stupid, they're less suspicious. 1320 01:40:36,127 --> 01:40:37,958 What's your advice? 1321 01:40:38,047 --> 01:40:41,198 You've got three choices: one - go ahead with it... 1322 01:40:42,927 --> 01:40:45,919 Two - go outside and say "Sorry, folks, it's all off!" 1323 01:40:46,607 --> 01:40:48,677 Not tempting. Next? 1324 01:40:49,767 --> 01:40:51,758 Third... 1325 01:40:52,807 --> 01:40:55,526 I can't think of a third. 1326 01:40:56,967 --> 01:40:58,366 (knocking) 1327 01:40:58,447 --> 01:41:00,642 Hello. 1328 01:41:00,727 --> 01:41:02,319 Here you are! 1329 01:41:02,407 --> 01:41:04,557 Ready to face the enemy? 1330 01:41:06,247 --> 01:41:08,238 Are we? 1331 01:41:11,567 --> 01:41:13,558 Yes. 1332 01:41:14,887 --> 01:41:16,878 Excellent. 1333 01:41:38,687 --> 01:41:40,564 (♪ Mendelssohn "Wedding March") 1334 01:42:08,967 --> 01:42:10,958 Not so tight, Dad! 1335 01:42:38,487 --> 01:42:42,844 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God... 1336 01:42:42,927 --> 01:42:45,441 ..and in the face of this congregation... 1337 01:42:45,527 --> 01:42:48,917 ..to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony,... 1338 01:42:49,007 --> 01:42:51,123 ..which is an honourable estate,... 1339 01:42:51,207 --> 01:42:54,517 ..instituted of God in the time of man's innocence,... 1340 01:42:54,607 --> 01:42:59,920 ..signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church... 1341 01:43:00,367 --> 01:43:03,359 ..and therefore is not by any to be enterprised... 1342 01:43:03,447 --> 01:43:07,122 ..nor taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly,... 1343 01:43:07,207 --> 01:43:10,483 ..but reverently, discreetly, advisedly,... 1344 01:43:10,567 --> 01:43:12,046 ..soberly,... 1345 01:43:12,127 --> 01:43:14,118 ..and in the fear of God. 1346 01:43:14,807 --> 01:43:17,401 Therefore, if any man can show any just cause... 1347 01:43:17,487 --> 01:43:20,081 ..why they may not lawfully be joined together,... 1348 01:43:20,167 --> 01:43:24,445 ..Iet him speak now or else hereafter for ever hold his peace. 1349 01:43:26,607 --> 01:43:28,086 (knocking) 1350 01:43:29,327 --> 01:43:32,842 I'm sorry. Does someone have something to say? 1351 01:43:38,607 --> 01:43:40,802 (vicar) Yes? What is it? 1352 01:43:42,687 --> 01:43:44,200 One... one second. 1353 01:43:44,287 --> 01:43:45,800 What's going on? 1354 01:43:47,447 --> 01:43:49,517 I thought of a third option. 1355 01:43:50,727 --> 01:43:52,604 What? 1356 01:43:52,687 --> 01:43:55,201 Will you translate? 1357 01:43:55,287 --> 01:43:58,563 Translate what? 1358 01:43:58,647 --> 01:44:01,480 He wants me to... translate what he's saying. 1359 01:44:01,567 --> 01:44:03,000 What is he saying? 1360 01:44:03,087 --> 01:44:05,920 I think the groom is having doubts. 1361 01:44:06,007 --> 01:44:08,965 He says "l suspect the groom is having doubts." 1362 01:44:10,007 --> 01:44:12,123 "l suspect the groom would like to delay." 1363 01:44:12,207 --> 01:44:16,120 I think the groom really loves someone else. That's true, isn't it? 1364 01:44:16,207 --> 01:44:17,879 "l suspect the groom..." 1365 01:44:17,967 --> 01:44:21,846 Because, Charlie - this is for the rest of your life. 1366 01:44:21,927 --> 01:44:26,796 Finally, you've got to marry the person you love with your whole heart. 1367 01:44:26,887 --> 01:44:29,606 And by the way - your flies are undone. 1368 01:44:30,127 --> 01:44:32,118 What's he saying? 1369 01:44:34,647 --> 01:44:36,956 He says... 1370 01:44:37,047 --> 01:44:40,005 ..he suspects the groom... 1371 01:44:40,087 --> 01:44:42,362 ..Ioves someone else. 1372 01:44:43,127 --> 01:44:44,606 (vicar) Do you? 1373 01:44:44,687 --> 01:44:47,440 Do you love someone else? Do you, Charles? 1374 01:44:58,727 --> 01:45:01,036 - I do. - Ohhhh! 1375 01:45:04,087 --> 01:45:05,964 (Henrietta) Aaaah! 1376 01:45:06,047 --> 01:45:08,038 Get out of my way! Let me kill him! 1377 01:45:13,447 --> 01:45:15,438 (thunder) 1378 01:45:17,927 --> 01:45:19,918 Blimey! 1379 01:45:21,367 --> 01:45:23,642 At least it's one we won't forget. 1380 01:45:23,727 --> 01:45:26,605 A lot of weddings just blend into each other, don't they? 1381 01:45:26,687 --> 01:45:30,236 - For God's sake! - This one will stick out in the memory. 1382 01:45:30,327 --> 01:45:33,125 For not actually including a wedding service. 1383 01:45:33,207 --> 01:45:35,801 (Fiona) Poor girl. No, I mean it! Poor girl! 1384 01:45:35,887 --> 01:45:39,926 She's not my favourite person, but I think what you did today was unforgivable. 1385 01:45:40,007 --> 01:45:42,316 I can't bear to think about it. 1386 01:45:43,327 --> 01:45:44,806 Poor Hen. 1387 01:45:44,887 --> 01:45:48,277 - (Tom) Though... Iet's face facts. - I'm sorry... I'm sorry... 1388 01:45:48,367 --> 01:45:52,076 If you weren't sure you wanted to marry her today of all days,... 1389 01:45:52,167 --> 01:45:55,239 ..i.e., your wedding day,... 1390 01:45:55,327 --> 01:45:58,763 ..then it must be the right decision, mustn't it? 1391 01:45:59,487 --> 01:46:00,522 Quite right. 1392 01:46:00,607 --> 01:46:04,600 It was a lovely dress. I'm sure she'll find it useful for parties. 1393 01:46:08,087 --> 01:46:11,159 - What did he say, Charles? - Says he blames himself. 1394 01:46:11,247 --> 01:46:14,364 - (Tom) Oh... Absolutely not. - (Matthew) No, you mustn't, David. 1395 01:46:14,447 --> 01:46:16,438 They all blame you too. 1396 01:46:17,687 --> 01:46:21,282 - (doorbell) - No, no. If there's music to be faced,... 1397 01:46:21,367 --> 01:46:23,562 ..I should be facing it. 1398 01:46:31,967 --> 01:46:33,923 Hello. 1399 01:46:34,007 --> 01:46:36,965 - Hi! You're soaking. Come in. - No, no. I'm fine. 1400 01:46:37,047 --> 01:46:39,197 Comes a point when you can't get wetter. 1401 01:46:39,287 --> 01:46:42,120 - OK, I'll come out. - No, please don't. I... 1402 01:46:42,207 --> 01:46:44,767 I just wanted to check you're OK. 1403 01:46:44,847 --> 01:46:48,203 Not busy killing yourself or anything, but... 1404 01:46:49,647 --> 01:46:52,036 But you're fine, so... 1405 01:46:53,687 --> 01:46:57,396 I shouldn't have come to the church this morning. I'm sorry. 1406 01:46:58,127 --> 01:47:00,118 No! No! 1407 01:47:00,687 --> 01:47:04,965 Wait. It was all myfault. I mean, l... I'm the bastard here. 1408 01:47:06,447 --> 01:47:08,438 And it sorted out one thing. 1409 01:47:08,527 --> 01:47:12,725 Marriage and me were... very clearly not meant for one another. 1410 01:47:12,807 --> 01:47:14,798 It sorted out another big thing, too. 1411 01:47:14,887 --> 01:47:17,765 There I was, standing there in the church,... 1412 01:47:17,847 --> 01:47:21,157 ..and for the first time in my whole life I realised l... 1413 01:47:21,247 --> 01:47:24,603 ..totally and utterly loved one person. 1414 01:47:24,687 --> 01:47:27,121 And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. 1415 01:47:27,207 --> 01:47:30,756 It's the person standing opposite me now... 1416 01:47:32,767 --> 01:47:34,166 ..in the rain. 1417 01:47:34,247 --> 01:47:36,920 Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed. 1418 01:47:37,007 --> 01:47:41,603 The truth of it is, I've... Ioved you from the first second I met you. 1419 01:47:42,527 --> 01:47:48,284 - You're not going away again, are you? - No. I might drown. But otherwise, no. 1420 01:47:48,367 --> 01:47:50,835 OK... OK. We'll go in. 1421 01:47:53,807 --> 01:47:56,275 But first let me ask you one thing. 1422 01:47:58,247 --> 01:48:01,762 Do you think... after we've dried off,... 1423 01:48:02,207 --> 01:48:06,598 ..after we've spent lots more time together, you might agree... 1424 01:48:08,287 --> 01:48:10,562 ..not to marry me? 1425 01:48:10,647 --> 01:48:13,286 And do you think... 1426 01:48:13,367 --> 01:48:18,282 ..not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider... 1427 01:48:18,367 --> 01:48:20,835 ..doing for the rest of your life? 1428 01:48:25,527 --> 01:48:27,916 Do you? 1429 01:48:29,447 --> 01:48:31,642 I do. 1430 01:48:54,767 --> 01:48:56,758 (♪ "Chapel OfLove" by Elton John) 1431 01:48:57,367 --> 01:48:59,244 ♪ Spring is here 1432 01:48:59,327 --> 01:49:02,524 ♪ The sky is blue 1433 01:49:02,607 --> 01:49:03,483 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh 1434 01:49:03,567 --> 01:49:06,286 ♪ Birds will sing 1435 01:49:07,207 --> 01:49:09,402 ♪ As if they knew 1436 01:49:10,367 --> 01:49:12,437 ♪ Today's the day 1437 01:49:13,767 --> 01:49:15,678 ♪ We'll say "l do" 1438 01:49:15,767 --> 01:49:21,319 ♪ And we'll never be lonely any more 1439 01:49:21,807 --> 01:49:23,035 ♪ Because we're 1440 01:49:23,127 --> 01:49:26,199 ♪ Goin' to the chapel and we're 1441 01:49:26,687 --> 01:49:29,724 ♪ Gonna get married 1442 01:49:29,807 --> 01:49:32,560 ♪ Goin' to the chapel and we're 1443 01:49:33,167 --> 01:49:35,965 ♪ Gonna get married 1444 01:49:36,327 --> 01:49:39,399 ♪ Gee, I really love you and we're 1445 01:49:39,487 --> 01:49:42,285 ♪ Gonna get married 1446 01:49:42,367 --> 01:49:47,487 ♪ Goin' to the chapel of love 1447 01:49:49,367 --> 01:49:51,244 ♪ Bells will ring 1448 01:49:51,327 --> 01:49:54,319 ♪ The sun will shine 1449 01:49:54,407 --> 01:49:55,635 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh 1450 01:49:55,727 --> 01:49:58,161 ♪ I will be hers 1451 01:49:58,247 --> 01:50:01,796 ♪ And she'll be mine 1452 01:50:02,167 --> 01:50:05,318 ♪ We'll love until 1453 01:50:05,407 --> 01:50:07,523 ♪ The end of time 1454 01:50:07,607 --> 01:50:12,761 ♪ And we'll never be lonely any more