1 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:30,103 Oh, no, oh, no 2 00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:39,426 Ahhh, oh, no, ahhh, oh, no 3 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,596 Ahhh, oh, no 4 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:48,128 No, she don't mess around No, she don't mess around 5 00:00:52,354 --> 00:00:54,766 100% blue agave. 6 00:00:55,324 --> 00:00:56,345 Taste it. 7 00:00:56,425 --> 00:00:58,029 Look, Mike, I like you. 8 00:00:58,193 --> 00:01:00,503 But no one's looking for another brand of tequila. 9 00:01:00,663 --> 00:01:01,937 They've got the three... What is it? 10 00:01:02,097 --> 00:01:03,974 The Cuervo, the other one, and the third one. 11 00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:05,678 And they don't need more tequila. 12 00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:08,676 - If I can't sell it, it's not gonna sell. - People want the new-new. 13 00:01:08,837 --> 00:01:10,214 - The "new-new"? - The "new-new." 14 00:01:10,372 --> 00:01:11,493 They want that new-new. 15 00:01:11,573 --> 00:01:12,595 No! 16 00:01:12,675 --> 00:01:15,178 What if I could sell this tequila to a customer? 17 00:01:15,344 --> 00:01:17,415 - Would I have your order then? - Yeah, sure. 18 00:01:17,546 --> 00:01:19,253 And I'm just gonna pick a customer at random. 19 00:01:20,582 --> 00:01:21,583 Excuse me, sir. 20 00:01:21,817 --> 00:01:23,820 Do you enjoy the taste of tequila? 21 00:01:24,821 --> 00:01:25,892 Why, yes, I do. 22 00:01:26,057 --> 00:01:29,266 But I only drink my particular brand, and you will not convince me otherwise. 23 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,403 - It's a perfect candidate. - Because it's your brother! 24 00:01:31,662 --> 00:01:32,766 I know that's your brother. 25 00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:34,236 He dated my niece. 26 00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:35,400 Look, mate, I don't know your niece. 27 00:01:35,633 --> 00:01:37,408 - Okay. - But if I did... 28 00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:40,378 I'd say she was a little clingy, and she'd freak a lot of people out. 29 00:01:40,538 --> 00:01:42,313 We play Wards With Friends together, right? 30 00:01:42,473 --> 00:01:45,477 - Dave, right? - Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne. 31 00:01:45,643 --> 00:01:46,644 His name's Rick. 32 00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,017 I know he's your brother. 33 00:01:48,245 --> 00:01:50,555 Look, look, look. You guys are funny, you're weird. 34 00:01:50,715 --> 00:01:52,058 We do this every couple weeks... 35 00:01:53,484 --> 00:01:54,705 All right, I'll take 10 cases. 36 00:01:54,785 --> 00:01:55,786 - Fuck, yes! - Yes! 37 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:56,921 Yes! I knew it! 38 00:01:57,154 --> 00:01:59,310 - We sold your ass, Randy! - I don't know if that's what happened. 39 00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:00,698 - It was the hat, right? - Was it the hat? 40 00:02:00,791 --> 00:02:01,792 I just found this over there. 41 00:02:08,735 --> 00:02:09,873 Do something crazy 42 00:02:09,970 --> 00:02:12,105 Live like it's Mardi Gras 43 00:02:12,205 --> 00:02:13,860 And go jump, make the party start 44 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,828 Don't need no R&R 45 00:02:15,908 --> 00:02:17,751 To regular life, I say Au revoir 46 00:02:17,844 --> 00:02:20,166 Yay! Living life in the fast lane 47 00:02:20,246 --> 00:02:21,782 Now your pain only be champagne 48 00:02:21,881 --> 00:02:25,419 So please come join me One thing, good vibes only 49 00:02:25,885 --> 00:02:29,458 Start the keg, I'mma fill my cup 50 00:02:29,555 --> 00:02:32,934 Got fireworks, got booze Let's blow some shit up 51 00:02:33,726 --> 00:02:35,467 Tonight I'm going stupid 52 00:02:35,561 --> 00:02:37,199 Doing things I've never done 53 00:02:37,697 --> 00:02:39,886 We all got one thing in common 54 00:02:39,966 --> 00:02:41,810 We just wanna have fun 55 00:02:44,906 --> 00:02:46,112 Do something crazy 56 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,209 Okay 57 00:02:48,943 --> 00:02:49,944 Do something crazy 58 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:53,882 Do what you wanna do 59 00:02:56,818 --> 00:02:57,819 Do something crazy 60 00:03:00,822 --> 00:03:01,823 I'm about to do 61 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:03,892 I'm about to do 62 00:03:04,926 --> 00:03:05,927 Do something crazy 63 00:03:06,594 --> 00:03:07,595 Do something crazy 64 00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:09,833 Do something wild 65 00:03:09,931 --> 00:03:11,467 Rolling with the homies 66 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,588 Chicks by my side 67 00:03:13,668 --> 00:03:15,807 Live for the moment 68 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,679 All of the time 69 00:03:17,772 --> 00:03:19,683 Turn up the music 70 00:03:19,774 --> 00:03:21,482 Only good vibes 71 00:03:21,944 --> 00:03:23,433 Sorry to throw the accent at you, bro. 72 00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:25,015 No, dude. I loved it, and it kept me in the now. 73 00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:28,124 Do you realize that that sale puts us at number three in the office? 74 00:03:28,285 --> 00:03:30,787 The Stangle bros are killing it right now! 75 00:03:31,021 --> 00:03:33,092 It's not an actual hat. They just call it a jimmy hat. 76 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,428 If you wear two, they break. 77 00:03:34,591 --> 00:03:36,696 - It's an urban legend... - No, it's not. 78 00:03:37,794 --> 00:03:38,829 Mom, Dad? 79 00:03:39,663 --> 00:03:40,835 Jeanie. Eric. 80 00:03:40,997 --> 00:03:43,841 Don't freak out. I don't want you to freak out. 81 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,070 Just come on in. 82 00:03:45,335 --> 00:03:47,190 Why don't we all just sit down? 83 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,271 We gotta talk to you. 84 00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:50,749 We wanna discuss Jeanie and Eric's wedding. 85 00:03:51,007 --> 00:03:52,111 - Oh! Sweet. - Okay. 86 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,721 Are you guys thinking DJ or band? First thought, band, right? 87 00:03:54,878 --> 00:03:56,448 No. People want to hear the real songs. 88 00:03:56,613 --> 00:03:58,889 You don't want to hear a guy singing Beyoncé. 89 00:03:58,982 --> 00:04:00,271 You just want to hear Beyoncé. 90 00:04:00,351 --> 00:04:01,339 Oh. 91 00:04:01,419 --> 00:04:03,609 Yeah, but we want to talk about... 92 00:04:03,689 --> 00:04:05,498 is you two. 93 00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:08,370 Now, over the years... 94 00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:11,573 a theme has emerged at our family gatherings. 95 00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:13,107 Everyone's having a good time... 96 00:04:13,398 --> 00:04:15,587 - That's right. - Things are going smoothly. 97 00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:16,789 Party time. 98 00:04:16,869 --> 00:04:18,924 And then you two show up... 99 00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:20,005 stag... 100 00:04:20,305 --> 00:04:21,340 and you hit on girls... 101 00:04:21,573 --> 00:04:22,643 you act like idiots... 102 00:04:22,808 --> 00:04:24,378 and you ruin it. 103 00:04:24,543 --> 00:04:25,544 Ruin it. 104 00:04:25,711 --> 00:04:27,952 - What? We are not party ruiners! - Mm-mm. 105 00:04:28,247 --> 00:04:29,453 We're party creators! 106 00:04:29,748 --> 00:04:32,558 And besides, when have we ever ruined a family event? 107 00:04:32,851 --> 00:04:34,006 Ah! 108 00:04:34,086 --> 00:04:35,224 We thought you might say that. 109 00:04:35,387 --> 00:04:36,441 Yep, here we go. And we just stream it. 110 00:04:36,521 --> 00:04:37,509 Apple TV. 111 00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:38,625 We just need your password. 112 00:04:38,858 --> 00:04:40,269 - Bryan's baby dick 69. - Yeah. 113 00:04:40,426 --> 00:04:41,906 Bryan's baby dick 69. 114 00:04:42,229 --> 00:04:43,833 What the fuck, guys? Really? 115 00:04:43,998 --> 00:04:45,019 - Got it. Yep. - Is that it? 116 00:04:45,099 --> 00:04:46,100 Good. 117 00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:49,681 Happy Fourth of July! 118 00:04:51,071 --> 00:04:52,106 Oh, shit! 119 00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,589 It was fun up to that point. 120 00:05:06,553 --> 00:05:08,624 God damn it! My trailer! 121 00:05:16,797 --> 00:05:18,254 Oh, shit. 122 00:05:18,334 --> 00:05:20,141 Actually, this is what we're trying to avoid. 123 00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:23,641 - The both of you are fucking idiots. - Fucking losers! 124 00:05:32,815 --> 00:05:35,819 Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie. 125 00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:39,075 Are you saying we had something to do with Grandfather's death? Hmm? 126 00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:41,226 He died five years after that! 127 00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:43,301 That is a lot of guilt to put us. Shame on you. 128 00:05:43,459 --> 00:05:45,837 Plus, this video only shows the screw-ups. 129 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,268 Where's the epic tracking shots of smiling faces? 130 00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:50,569 And everybody looking at us, just going... 131 00:05:50,733 --> 00:05:52,770 "God, I love Mike and Dave. 132 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:55,040 "They made this whole party worth it." 133 00:05:55,304 --> 00:05:57,785 When are the two of you going to grow up? 134 00:05:58,008 --> 00:06:00,114 This shtick was cute for a while... 135 00:06:00,278 --> 00:06:01,689 but it's gotten stale. 136 00:06:01,846 --> 00:06:03,757 Mom, come on, what are you... 137 00:06:04,482 --> 00:06:07,122 You're talking about us like we're a couple of losers or something. 138 00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:10,357 What we don't want you to do is go chasing girls and get out of control. 139 00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:13,264 - You understand? - Wait, we can still talk to girls, right? 140 00:06:13,424 --> 00:06:16,334 - You can each talk to one girl. - The girls that you bring to the wedding. 141 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:20,007 - What do you mean? - I want you to bring a date. 142 00:06:20,164 --> 00:06:24,656 - That's two dates. - You want us to bring dates to a wedding? 143 00:06:24,736 --> 00:06:26,941 - Excuse me? - Are you allowed to do that? 144 00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:29,777 Nice, respectable, smart girls! Keep you in line. 145 00:06:29,941 --> 00:06:31,147 - What the fuck? - What? 146 00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:32,652 - Are you insane? - Oh, you're kidding. 147 00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,051 You are not screwing up this wedding. Do you hear me? 148 00:06:35,213 --> 00:06:37,956 Mom, do you hear this river of horse shit coming out of Dad's mouth? 149 00:06:38,117 --> 00:06:41,156 We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up! 150 00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:43,733 - We don't rile each other up! - We never get riled up! 151 00:06:43,890 --> 00:06:46,029 - I don't get riled! - He doesn't and I don't, either! 152 00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:47,896 Look at you right now! You're riled! 153 00:06:47,994 --> 00:06:50,201 - Take your head out of your ass, Dad! - You sound insane right now. 154 00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:52,867 Everybody stop yelling! Okay? 155 00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:55,240 You guys bringing wedding dates was my idea. 156 00:06:56,803 --> 00:06:59,374 Look, I love the shit out of you guys. 157 00:06:59,672 --> 00:07:02,551 But everyone is already stressed out about this wedding... 158 00:07:02,842 --> 00:07:05,584 and I just need you to be cool. 159 00:07:06,479 --> 00:07:07,480 Of course, Jeanie! 160 00:07:07,714 --> 00:07:08,988 Please? 161 00:07:09,149 --> 00:07:10,184 For me? 162 00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:12,761 I promise. We would never do anything to mess up your wedding. 163 00:07:13,386 --> 00:07:14,592 Jeanie, we love you. 164 00:07:15,156 --> 00:07:16,410 We want this to be the best day of your life. 165 00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:17,479 Yeah. 166 00:07:17,559 --> 00:07:18,647 You, too, Eric. 167 00:07:18,727 --> 00:07:19,933 - Oh. - Oh. Thank you. 168 00:07:20,228 --> 00:07:21,329 Mostly you, though, Jeanie. 169 00:07:22,364 --> 00:07:24,319 If you want us to bring dates, we're bringing dates. 170 00:07:24,399 --> 00:07:25,469 All right, it's settled then. 171 00:07:26,935 --> 00:07:28,312 Wedding dates! 172 00:07:28,670 --> 00:07:31,207 Dave, buddy, let me talk to you for a second, okay? Listen. 173 00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:33,444 I'm sorry to lump you in with Mike... 174 00:07:33,608 --> 00:07:35,281 but if I only told your older brother to bring a date... 175 00:07:35,444 --> 00:07:37,048 he'd get all weird about it. 176 00:07:37,279 --> 00:07:39,350 I just feel like he's holding you back. 177 00:07:39,514 --> 00:07:41,050 Dad, I don't mind being lumped in with Mike. 178 00:07:41,283 --> 00:07:42,626 Do you remember the fifth grade bake sale... 179 00:07:42,784 --> 00:07:43,819 when Mom made those cupcakes... 180 00:07:44,086 --> 00:07:45,258 and I called them moist? 181 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:47,730 - Mm-hmm. - Everyone called me Moist... 182 00:07:47,889 --> 00:07:49,800 till Mike took a cupcake... 183 00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:52,598 and shoved it in Tom Ginty's face. 184 00:07:52,761 --> 00:07:56,073 He said, "Now you're moist, Moist." 185 00:07:57,201 --> 00:07:59,306 That's the kind of guy Mike is. 186 00:07:59,570 --> 00:08:01,106 So, think on that... 187 00:08:02,039 --> 00:08:03,245 Dad. 188 00:08:05,542 --> 00:08:07,647 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end that on such a weird note, Dad. 189 00:08:07,744 --> 00:08:09,815 - I love you. And thanks. - Good. I don't want you to be mad. 190 00:08:09,913 --> 00:08:11,035 I'm not even mad. I'm not even upset. 191 00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,150 We're gonna find some dates. 192 00:08:13,283 --> 00:08:15,854 I gotta say, some nights, I am not looking my best. 193 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,066 But tonight is not one of those nights! 194 00:08:19,256 --> 00:08:20,462 - Do you like my hair? - Yeah, girl. 195 00:08:20,624 --> 00:08:22,126 - You look good. - No. 196 00:08:22,292 --> 00:08:23,464 We're gonna make a lot of tips tonight. 197 00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:25,638 Good. We need it. We don't have any money. 198 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,601 Uh, you got money for this ride, don't you? 199 00:08:28,098 --> 00:08:29,620 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 200 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,588 - 'Cause you have money? - I thought you had money. 201 00:08:31,668 --> 00:08:33,725 - I don't have any money. - You know I don't have money. 202 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:36,343 Yeah, y'all are whispering like people that don't got money. 203 00:08:36,509 --> 00:08:37,954 Check it out. I'mma pay you right now. 204 00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:39,765 Boop. I Apple Paid. 205 00:08:39,845 --> 00:08:40,983 I don't even have Apple Pay. 206 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,021 Yo, Siri, pay this man. 207 00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:44,303 He's already paid. 208 00:08:44,383 --> 00:08:45,371 God damn it! 209 00:08:45,451 --> 00:08:47,863 I'm not gonna take shit from you, because this my cab. 210 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,442 You shouldn't take shit from us. 211 00:08:49,522 --> 00:08:51,744 - You should kick us out! - You should kick us out of this cab. 212 00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:54,914 You know what? I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of this cab. 213 00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:57,216 Yeah, just go three more blocks up on the right... 214 00:08:57,296 --> 00:08:58,331 and then kick us out! 215 00:08:59,597 --> 00:09:01,834 Here we are! Get out of my cab. 216 00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:03,309 Thank you. You're a really good person. 217 00:09:03,469 --> 00:09:04,504 Okay, God bless you. 218 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,150 I'm just gonna start driving for Uber. Fuck it. 219 00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:08,607 Ooh. I got a good idea. 220 00:09:08,774 --> 00:09:10,447 Let's pop off, get a couple of drinks before work. 221 00:09:10,609 --> 00:09:12,681 Just a few, because I don't want to get hammered. 222 00:09:12,846 --> 00:09:14,348 Yeah, of course not. Just a light buzz. 223 00:09:20,955 --> 00:09:24,026 Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to Sake Bombers... 224 00:09:24,192 --> 00:09:26,399 where your first Sake Bomb is on us! 225 00:09:26,561 --> 00:09:28,472 - Kaboom! - You're drunk, Alice. 226 00:09:28,696 --> 00:09:30,318 You're doing that thing where you're whispering, 227 00:09:30,398 --> 00:09:31,536 but you're really yelling. 228 00:09:31,699 --> 00:09:33,007 Because I'm upset with you. 229 00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:34,202 Oh, what the hell? 230 00:09:34,368 --> 00:09:36,691 I don't understand why you just started yelling at me for no reason. 231 00:09:36,771 --> 00:09:39,578 - What the hell is going on here? - Your little buddy is shit-faced. 232 00:09:40,741 --> 00:09:44,520 Straight up. Her fiancé just left her at the altar. 233 00:09:44,812 --> 00:09:45,800 She's been going through a hard time. 234 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,969 - Are you guys talking about me? - No, baby girl. 235 00:09:48,049 --> 00:09:49,528 You know how many times I have come in here... 236 00:09:49,684 --> 00:09:53,633 and she is drunk off her fucking ass, dancing on the tables? 237 00:09:53,755 --> 00:09:56,930 Only when Rihanna comes on, because it's my jam. 238 00:09:57,093 --> 00:09:58,834 I am a strong independent woman. 239 00:09:59,095 --> 00:10:02,668 And I will get on a table and shake my shit to RiRi. 240 00:10:02,832 --> 00:10:04,821 Because it's my right. America! 241 00:10:04,901 --> 00:10:05,902 Feminism! 242 00:10:06,069 --> 00:10:07,514 You just push your tits up and say feminism? 243 00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:09,047 Yeah. Read a Twitter. 244 00:10:09,472 --> 00:10:12,415 # 2016. Women can do shit now. 245 00:10:15,111 --> 00:10:16,556 Don't do that! 246 00:10:16,713 --> 00:10:18,215 Who put her jam on? 247 00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:20,551 Queen RiRi, forever! 248 00:10:20,717 --> 00:10:22,628 I'm really sorry that I got us fired. 249 00:10:22,885 --> 00:10:25,092 I'm just sort of surprised it didn't happen sooner... 250 00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:26,700 - but I'm still really sorry. - Hey! 251 00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:30,103 Alice, you do not apologize right now, okay? 252 00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:31,298 You didn't do one thing wrong. 253 00:10:31,528 --> 00:10:33,770 - Okay. - People need to get in line with you. 254 00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,969 Right. You're right. 255 00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:37,875 Alice, why are you watching your wedding video? 256 00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:40,525 And Alice... do you take Luke? 257 00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:41,626 I do. 258 00:10:41,706 --> 00:10:44,582 Because it's therapeutic. The more I watch it, the less I feel. 259 00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:45,779 And do you, Luke, take Alice? 260 00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:46,978 I do... 261 00:10:47,412 --> 00:10:48,413 not. 262 00:10:50,949 --> 00:10:52,155 Oh, man. Fuck you, Luke. 263 00:10:52,684 --> 00:10:53,958 Oh, fuck that guy. 264 00:10:54,219 --> 00:10:55,459 Fuck him right in his dick. 265 00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:56,655 No! 266 00:10:56,821 --> 00:11:00,598 Because now I'm picturing his dick getting fucked by another dick. 267 00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:02,170 And it makes me want to protect it. 268 00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:05,975 Oh, my God, girl! Damn! 269 00:11:06,131 --> 00:11:07,804 You're better than this. Come on! 270 00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:09,445 We're T and A! 271 00:11:09,601 --> 00:11:12,105 Where's the Alice who made vodka pot brownies with me... 272 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,649 for the junior high science fair? 273 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,946 Or gave us water balloon tits and we won that wet T-shirt contest in Mexico? 274 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,249 Oh, yeah, they were so nice. 275 00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,086 I know, dude. We need that shit. 276 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,918 I'm tired of living like this. 277 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,487 We need an adventure. 278 00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:29,999 We've got a great little package we're selling here, man. 279 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,433 A week in a tropical paradise... 280 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,539 with two fun-loving, yet surprisingly well-read bros? 281 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:36,650 Yeah. 282 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,485 I read most of the Goosebumps series, and so did you. 283 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,553 Yeah. 284 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,621 Where do I sign up? 285 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:41,888 Dude, focus. 286 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,709 - Okay. - This is for Jeanie. 287 00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:47,474 So to find the perfect fun, but nice girls, we're gonna have to meet a lot of them. 288 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:48,909 The Internet! 289 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,144 That's a good idea. 290 00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:51,858 Match.com, Tinder... 291 00:11:52,014 --> 00:11:53,569 Grindr, OkCupid. 292 00:11:53,649 --> 00:11:54,650 Craigslist! 293 00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:55,871 Craigslist? 294 00:11:55,951 --> 00:11:58,056 Craigslist, you think, that's where you go to meet nice girls? 295 00:11:58,153 --> 00:11:59,325 Dave? 296 00:11:59,488 --> 00:12:01,161 We met this couch on Craigslist. 297 00:12:02,024 --> 00:12:04,265 And you wuv this couch, don't you? 298 00:12:05,327 --> 00:12:07,466 I do love that couch. 299 00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:09,900 I'm gonna unlock the swag on this bitch. 300 00:12:10,232 --> 00:12:11,220 All right. 301 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,940 Here you go. Just take a little sip. Take a little nip-a-roo. 302 00:12:17,406 --> 00:12:18,407 Boom! 303 00:12:19,308 --> 00:12:20,596 Do you think anyone's even really gonna see this? 304 00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:21,677 God, I hope so. 305 00:12:21,977 --> 00:12:23,149 Like max, what do you think? 306 00:12:23,312 --> 00:12:25,986 We're gonna get, like, five or six dates out of this, or what? 307 00:12:26,148 --> 00:12:27,752 I'd be happy with that. 308 00:12:33,758 --> 00:12:34,779 Hey. 309 00:12:34,859 --> 00:12:37,305 Did you see this thing that Shelly's sending around the office? 310 00:12:37,528 --> 00:12:39,599 It's a free trip to Hawaii! 311 00:12:39,764 --> 00:12:41,319 Look what someone posted to my Facebook. 312 00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:43,709 - I gotta tweet this out. - Those guys are cute. 313 00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:44,903 Ala-hat! 314 00:12:45,069 --> 00:12:48,108 - I got the one on the right. - I like the one on the right. 315 00:12:48,272 --> 00:12:49,260 Oh, I got the one on the right. 316 00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:51,581 I like the one on the right. 317 00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,798 - We gotta send this to everyone. - Let's all apply! 318 00:12:53,878 --> 00:12:56,000 - I want to go to Hawaii. - I just emailed them. 319 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,268 Let's just meet them, give 'em a chance. 320 00:12:57,348 --> 00:12:59,453 So, you guys want to go to a wedding? 321 00:13:01,085 --> 00:13:02,120 Uh, what are your names? 322 00:13:03,788 --> 00:13:04,789 Do you guys have names? 323 00:13:06,424 --> 00:13:09,304 Basically we were looking through Craigslist for work. 324 00:13:09,962 --> 00:13:11,117 Oh, you're both... 325 00:13:11,197 --> 00:13:12,198 Prostitutes. 326 00:13:12,465 --> 00:13:13,986 Whatever. Take us to Hawaii! 327 00:13:14,066 --> 00:13:15,067 Hawaii! 328 00:13:18,204 --> 00:13:19,492 We can't take you. 329 00:13:19,572 --> 00:13:20,560 No way. 330 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,916 Did you guys say something about an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii? 331 00:13:23,142 --> 00:13:24,280 It's just for girls. 332 00:13:24,644 --> 00:13:26,419 That's not a deal breaker. 333 00:13:26,646 --> 00:13:27,750 Hi, my name is Lauralie... 334 00:13:27,914 --> 00:13:29,202 and I'm kind of new to this. 335 00:13:29,282 --> 00:13:30,269 Yeah. 336 00:13:30,349 --> 00:13:31,487 You're new to... 337 00:13:31,784 --> 00:13:33,263 Online dating. Yeah. 338 00:13:33,419 --> 00:13:35,797 I'm not really looking for a heteronormative relationship. 339 00:13:35,922 --> 00:13:38,493 - You look like a Nike swoosh. - Goddamn right, I do. 340 00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:39,659 I work at a dog shelter. 341 00:13:39,926 --> 00:13:41,303 Our sister loves dogs. 342 00:13:41,461 --> 00:13:42,615 I wanna make sure they get really good homes. 343 00:13:42,695 --> 00:13:43,696 What's a good home? 344 00:13:44,263 --> 00:13:45,503 The white homes. 345 00:13:45,665 --> 00:13:47,612 - The what homes? - The white homes. 346 00:13:47,768 --> 00:13:48,975 Like white people. 347 00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:52,975 Check, please. 348 00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:56,345 This isn't lipstick. This is a tattoo, you dumb fuck. 349 00:13:57,345 --> 00:14:00,189 Who are you laughing at? Who? 350 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,620 All right, look, here's the deal. 351 00:14:01,916 --> 00:14:04,123 I went through a divorce, like, three weeks ago. I need a vacation. 352 00:14:04,419 --> 00:14:05,774 No. 353 00:14:05,854 --> 00:14:06,855 Okay, you guys sure you don't want to fuck? 354 00:14:06,955 --> 00:14:07,956 - What? - Nothing. 355 00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:09,110 - What did you say? - Nothing. 356 00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:11,479 Sounded like you said, "Do you wanna fuck?" 357 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:12,560 Do you wanna fuck? 358 00:14:12,694 --> 00:14:13,715 - What? - What? 359 00:14:13,795 --> 00:14:15,103 - What? - You guys... 360 00:14:15,263 --> 00:14:16,367 - Do you want me to fuck you? - No. 361 00:14:16,531 --> 00:14:18,010 - No. - I didn't say it, but... 362 00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:20,238 - I'll suck your dick right now. What? - What? 363 00:14:26,842 --> 00:14:30,184 Welcome back. I'm here with Mike and Dave Stangle... 364 00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,020 who posted an ad on Craigslist... 365 00:14:32,182 --> 00:14:33,923 looking for dates for their sister's wedding... 366 00:14:34,184 --> 00:14:36,221 in Oahu, Hawaii. 367 00:14:36,386 --> 00:14:37,490 Well, the ad went viral. 368 00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:38,689 Mm-hmm. 369 00:14:38,855 --> 00:14:41,233 It racked up over 6,000 responses... 370 00:14:41,391 --> 00:14:43,613 from women who actually wanted to go. 371 00:14:43,693 --> 00:14:44,694 Yeah, well, who's counting? 372 00:14:44,861 --> 00:14:46,306 You know, I guess we all are. 373 00:14:46,530 --> 00:14:47,565 Is this my close-up? 374 00:14:47,731 --> 00:14:49,233 You guys, come on. Craigslist? 375 00:14:49,399 --> 00:14:51,811 Honestly, this is about finding nice girls... 376 00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:54,312 to go with us to Hawaii for our sister's wedding. 377 00:14:54,471 --> 00:14:55,643 And I just want to reiterate... 378 00:14:55,805 --> 00:14:58,285 we're footing the bill for this because we're gentlemen. 379 00:14:58,542 --> 00:15:01,231 - Free trip to Hawaii? - I'm awake! 380 00:15:01,311 --> 00:15:02,585 - Come on. Craigslist. - What's up? 381 00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:04,157 That's where you go to buy old patio furniture. 382 00:15:04,314 --> 00:15:05,555 You know what else you can find on Craigslist? 383 00:15:05,716 --> 00:15:06,751 Mm-hmm. 384 00:15:07,185 --> 00:15:08,528 - Love. - Mm-mm. 385 00:15:08,687 --> 00:15:10,860 That's right. I said it. 386 00:15:11,023 --> 00:15:12,696 - Love. - That one seems sweet. 387 00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:14,996 He has a kind soul. 388 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,162 Yeah, and he's also super hot. 389 00:15:19,031 --> 00:15:20,874 Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls. 390 00:15:21,033 --> 00:15:23,445 But just to repeat, we're looking for nice girls. 391 00:15:23,602 --> 00:15:26,879 Like, girls that our mom and our sister would like. 392 00:15:27,039 --> 00:15:30,384 Okay, look, dude, we are going to Hawaii. 393 00:15:30,609 --> 00:15:31,986 Let's go on vacation. 394 00:15:32,277 --> 00:15:34,052 But it's not a vacation. It's a wedding. 395 00:15:34,346 --> 00:15:36,622 Do you really think a wedding's the best place for me? 396 00:15:36,782 --> 00:15:40,059 Since the last wedding I went to was mine... 397 00:15:40,218 --> 00:15:41,707 and it didn't turn out very well. 398 00:15:41,787 --> 00:15:42,788 I hear you, but look... 399 00:15:43,021 --> 00:15:45,468 this shit is why this shit is perfect, okay? 400 00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:47,799 Because ever since Luke left, you haven't been the same. 401 00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:50,541 You need to get over that, once and for all. 402 00:15:50,698 --> 00:15:51,802 And this our shot, man. 403 00:15:52,099 --> 00:15:54,079 That dude, he's gonna get your groove back. 404 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:57,305 This right here is an opportunity of a lifetime... 405 00:15:57,471 --> 00:15:59,644 and you know we are entrepreneurs. 406 00:15:59,807 --> 00:16:00,808 You know what? 407 00:16:00,975 --> 00:16:03,216 Let's make these guys take us to Hawaii! 408 00:16:03,377 --> 00:16:05,050 You're right! Let's do it! 409 00:16:05,212 --> 00:16:06,200 Let's just do it! 410 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,315 - Yes, bitch. - Let's fucking do it! 411 00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:09,603 We'll be right back. 412 00:16:09,683 --> 00:16:12,897 We gonna go to Hawaii! We gonna go to Hawaii! 413 00:16:14,622 --> 00:16:15,623 Whoa! Whoa! 414 00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:16,928 - Hold up! - What? 415 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:21,602 Those boys said they wanted nice girls. We don't look like nice girls. 416 00:16:22,596 --> 00:16:24,508 Yeah, I guess I haven't showered in a while. 417 00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:26,643 Fine, well, you know what we're gonna do? 418 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:30,610 We're gonna look respectable as fuck. 419 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,112 Like nice girls. 420 00:16:34,176 --> 00:16:35,484 Ugh. 421 00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,716 Dude, it's like that Jesus rag! 422 00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:40,351 Ow! It's part of me. 423 00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:43,130 Tatiana, your underwear needs more underwears. 424 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:45,588 Whoa! 425 00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,970 Oh, this dress is my bitch! 426 00:16:52,628 --> 00:16:54,630 Dude, we have met 37 insane women. 427 00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:57,173 We can't bring any of these girls. 428 00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:59,370 Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum. 429 00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:02,482 Why would Dad forget about an old tomato? 430 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,679 No, his ultimatum. 431 00:17:04,842 --> 00:17:06,014 - Old tom... - Ultimatum. 432 00:17:06,177 --> 00:17:07,212 Are you saying "old tomato"? 433 00:17:07,478 --> 00:17:10,101 Ultima-tomb. Like a tomb or a crypt. 434 00:17:10,181 --> 00:17:11,216 Ultimatum. 435 00:17:11,349 --> 00:17:14,592 Well, we gotta figure something out, because the wedding's coming up quick. 436 00:17:24,696 --> 00:17:26,232 Why is everything a competition with you? 437 00:17:26,464 --> 00:17:28,740 And I said that first, so actually, I won that. 438 00:17:31,536 --> 00:17:32,742 So what time are we meeting them? 439 00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:34,679 Technically, no time. 440 00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,211 Yeah, because I was thinking about emailing them... 441 00:17:38,376 --> 00:17:39,980 but then I was thinking, um... 442 00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:43,024 what kind of floozy-ass bimbo would respond to that ad? 443 00:17:43,382 --> 00:17:44,418 Um... 444 00:17:44,517 --> 00:17:45,518 Us. 445 00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:48,165 Yeah, but we're not like those idiots. You know what I'm saying? 446 00:17:48,321 --> 00:17:51,131 Because they're all like, "Oh! Pick me, pick me!" 447 00:17:51,424 --> 00:17:53,426 it's like the guys interviewing the girls. 448 00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:56,096 Like, it immediately would put us in an inferior position. 449 00:17:56,262 --> 00:17:58,264 We're gonna flip the script and Bachelorette that shit. 450 00:17:58,531 --> 00:18:00,704 - Those guys would be lucky to have us. - Right. 451 00:18:00,867 --> 00:18:02,938 - We just gotta make them think so. - Okay, right. 452 00:18:03,036 --> 00:18:05,209 But, you know, I'm really not good at lying... 453 00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:07,627 because I always try to start small and then it gets crazy... 454 00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:10,415 and I make-up stuff that couldn't possibly be true. 455 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:13,333 Baby, you can do this. Let's practice, okay? 456 00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:14,401 Okay. 457 00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:15,551 - Um, what do you like to do? - Drink. 458 00:18:16,616 --> 00:18:17,856 Just sweet teas. 459 00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:20,098 Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps. 460 00:18:20,253 --> 00:18:22,393 All right, straight up, you don't have to do an accent. 461 00:18:22,556 --> 00:18:23,592 I was doing an accent? 462 00:18:23,759 --> 00:18:24,829 And definitely don't bring up blimps. 463 00:18:25,093 --> 00:18:26,401 Shit! They're leaving. 464 00:18:26,628 --> 00:18:27,868 If it was a competition, I won it. 465 00:18:28,130 --> 00:18:30,201 All right, don't worry. 466 00:18:30,365 --> 00:18:31,366 It's all part of the plan. 467 00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:32,637 - Is it? - Oh, yeah. 468 00:18:32,801 --> 00:18:35,281 What does that mean? What plan? I don't know this part of the plan... 469 00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:36,371 Whoa! Ahh! 470 00:18:36,872 --> 00:18:38,673 Oh, fuck! 471 00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:41,563 Tatiana! Oh! 472 00:18:41,643 --> 00:18:42,644 Holy shit. 473 00:18:42,878 --> 00:18:43,879 Babe. Are you okay? 474 00:18:44,112 --> 00:18:45,955 I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!" 475 00:18:46,114 --> 00:18:47,218 She can't breathe! 476 00:18:47,382 --> 00:18:48,770 She can't breathe! Somebody help her! 477 00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:49,851 Somebody give her CPR! 478 00:18:50,118 --> 00:18:51,654 - She can't breathe! - I know CPR! 479 00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:53,265 - Great! - I was a volunteer EMT! 480 00:18:53,488 --> 00:18:54,796 Hey, don't worry. My brother's got this, okay? 481 00:18:54,990 --> 00:18:56,526 I took a class. I know what I'm doing. 482 00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:57,793 - She has a weak heart! - Ma'am? 483 00:18:58,059 --> 00:18:59,231 - Ma'am? - She has a weak heart. 484 00:18:59,394 --> 00:19:01,534 I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically. 485 00:19:01,798 --> 00:19:04,439 I'm here to save your fucking life, okay? 486 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,842 - She's my only friend! - That's her only friend, Mike! 487 00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:08,192 We got a pulse! Okay. 488 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,493 Don't let her die! 489 00:19:09,573 --> 00:19:11,314 Don't you fucking let her die, Mike! 490 00:19:11,475 --> 00:19:13,512 Just shut the fuck up, Dave! You, too, shut up! 491 00:19:13,811 --> 00:19:15,415 Both of you, shut up! Okay? 492 00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:16,513 I'm gonna save her life! 493 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,217 Plug the nose. 494 00:19:24,354 --> 00:19:25,355 Oh! 495 00:19:26,423 --> 00:19:27,902 Are you okay? 496 00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:30,365 I am now. 497 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,130 - I saved her life! - She's okay! 498 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,776 - She's okay? - I saved her life! 499 00:19:35,099 --> 00:19:37,501 Thank you! Thank you! 500 00:19:37,668 --> 00:19:40,013 - You're under arrest. - She hit my car! 501 00:19:40,171 --> 00:19:41,427 No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really. 502 00:19:41,507 --> 00:19:42,645 It happens all the time. 503 00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:45,220 That was a vicious hit. We should take you to the hospital. 504 00:19:45,377 --> 00:19:47,220 It's crazy. It's almost like I owe you my life. 505 00:19:48,147 --> 00:19:49,956 - Almost. - Yeah. Technically, yeah. 506 00:19:50,115 --> 00:19:52,186 - Let me help you with that ice. - I do. 507 00:19:52,384 --> 00:19:53,405 Oh, no. 508 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,192 Seems like it's going pretty well with your guy. 509 00:19:55,354 --> 00:19:58,610 Dude, I'm fucking crushing it! So hard! 510 00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:02,635 Check this out. The kids in my class are gonna love this story. 511 00:20:02,795 --> 00:20:04,399 I'm a school teacher. 512 00:20:06,298 --> 00:20:08,642 You're a school teacher? Wow. 513 00:20:08,801 --> 00:20:11,543 Oop. I think they spelt "frittata" wrong on the menu. 514 00:20:11,704 --> 00:20:13,411 I always notice words and spelling... 515 00:20:13,572 --> 00:20:15,245 because I'm a teacher... 516 00:20:16,008 --> 00:20:17,248 and that's what I do. 517 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:21,549 - That's... - So, Alice, um, what do you do? 518 00:20:22,383 --> 00:20:23,521 Manage a hedge fund. 519 00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:24,989 You manage a hedge fund? 520 00:20:25,152 --> 00:20:27,257 I don't even know what a hedge fund is. 521 00:20:27,421 --> 00:20:29,924 Oh. So there's a regular fund, and then there's a hedge fund. 522 00:20:30,091 --> 00:20:32,162 And our fund... 523 00:20:32,994 --> 00:20:34,064 Uh, we hedge it. 524 00:20:34,562 --> 00:20:35,563 We hedge it hard. 525 00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:36,731 Oh, wow. 526 00:20:37,431 --> 00:20:39,035 I get in, in the morning, and I'm like... 527 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,010 "How's the hedging coming? You been hedging? You hedged much?" 528 00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:44,477 And it's like, too big to fail. 529 00:20:44,739 --> 00:20:46,616 Corporate greed, bailouts. 530 00:20:46,774 --> 00:20:48,879 In a New York minute, everything can change. 531 00:20:49,176 --> 00:20:52,055 On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N. 532 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,418 And then, Fannie Mae. 533 00:20:54,081 --> 00:20:56,425 Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley... 534 00:20:56,584 --> 00:20:57,757 - Alice, you want some water? - Yeah. 535 00:20:58,053 --> 00:20:59,829 - That's so smart. - That is. 536 00:21:00,123 --> 00:21:01,845 "But what I do have... 537 00:21:01,925 --> 00:21:04,113 "is a particular set of skills. 538 00:21:04,193 --> 00:21:06,764 "Skills I have acquired over a very long career. 539 00:21:07,063 --> 00:21:09,907 "Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you." 540 00:21:11,701 --> 00:21:12,771 Click. That's it. 541 00:21:13,036 --> 00:21:14,123 That was amazing. 542 00:21:14,203 --> 00:21:15,648 It was like Dave was not even here... 543 00:21:15,805 --> 00:21:17,716 and I was just standing in a bar with Liam Neeson. 544 00:21:17,874 --> 00:21:19,319 Like, "Hello, Liam Neeson's over here." 545 00:21:19,609 --> 00:21:21,987 You're a professional comedian or something? 546 00:21:22,145 --> 00:21:24,955 What? No. I sell liquor with my brother. 547 00:21:25,114 --> 00:21:26,115 - Oh. - Yeah. 548 00:21:26,382 --> 00:21:28,089 - I do like to draw. - Oh, yeah? 549 00:21:28,251 --> 00:21:29,730 Yeah, I have drawings here I could show you. 550 00:21:30,553 --> 00:21:31,657 Oh, shit, not that. Sorry. 551 00:21:31,821 --> 00:21:33,960 Here. So, they're like The Avengers... 552 00:21:34,123 --> 00:21:35,830 but they're different types of alcohol. 553 00:21:36,125 --> 00:21:39,165 So, you have Tequila, and then he's got his pet worm right there. 554 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:41,239 And his name is Lil' Mez. 555 00:21:41,566 --> 00:21:43,011 Because he'll "Mez" you up. 556 00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:44,856 The next one right there, that's Gin. 557 00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:47,092 When he flips his cap off, dawg, he's just like... 558 00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:50,119 "Yo, I'll pop you off. Guaranteed. One knock." 559 00:21:50,408 --> 00:21:53,088 Done. Next, Whiskey. 560 00:21:53,211 --> 00:21:55,950 Likes to make moonshine and kill bad guys. 561 00:21:56,114 --> 00:21:57,969 Dude, this is objectively amazing. 562 00:21:58,049 --> 00:21:59,187 Thanks. 563 00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:01,627 What's the hardest thing about being a teacher? 564 00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:03,288 I don't know. 565 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:06,492 Oh, um... 566 00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:09,547 The hardest thing about being a teacher... 567 00:22:09,627 --> 00:22:10,731 is teaching cursive. 568 00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:12,303 That's awesome. 569 00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:14,205 - What about you? - Yeah? 570 00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:16,142 - Are you seeing anyone? - No. 571 00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,625 My ex is gone. Long gone. 572 00:22:18,705 --> 00:22:19,706 What do you mean? 573 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,717 He died. Of cancer. 574 00:22:21,975 --> 00:22:23,010 Oh, my God. 575 00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:24,177 And AIDS. 576 00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:25,645 He died twice? 577 00:22:25,979 --> 00:22:28,323 And then he died in a plane crash, so... 578 00:22:28,882 --> 00:22:30,793 Whoo! That's a lot to take in. 579 00:22:30,951 --> 00:22:32,897 I know! 580 00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:34,455 Thank you. 581 00:22:34,621 --> 00:22:36,123 Thank you, brotha. 582 00:22:38,158 --> 00:22:39,466 Dude. 583 00:22:39,626 --> 00:22:42,402 We should take these girls to the wedding. Right? 584 00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,303 Mine's a sexy school teacher... 585 00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:46,808 and yours... hedges funds. 586 00:22:46,967 --> 00:22:48,344 - Just keep doing sexy eyes. - Okay. 587 00:22:48,502 --> 00:22:49,913 Keep doing sexy eyes. 588 00:22:50,704 --> 00:22:51,978 I like Alice. 589 00:22:52,139 --> 00:22:54,517 And she's smart, she's funny, she's weird. 590 00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,689 We invite these girls to the wedding, suddenly we're not losers. 591 00:22:57,846 --> 00:22:59,348 We're winners! 592 00:23:01,817 --> 00:23:02,852 Here they come. They're coming. 593 00:23:03,085 --> 00:23:04,826 Hey, uh, this might sound crazy... 594 00:23:04,987 --> 00:23:07,558 but our little sister is getting married in Hawaii... 595 00:23:07,856 --> 00:23:11,827 and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come with. 596 00:23:12,027 --> 00:23:13,563 - Um... - Um... 597 00:23:13,662 --> 00:23:15,767 Can you just give us a second to... 598 00:23:16,331 --> 00:23:17,571 Of course. 599 00:23:17,733 --> 00:23:20,680 Okay, so just whisper like we're talking it over... 600 00:23:20,836 --> 00:23:21,924 like we're not sure if we wanna go or not. 601 00:23:22,004 --> 00:23:23,005 Oh, like... 602 00:23:28,777 --> 00:23:29,847 What the fuck are you doing? 603 00:23:30,012 --> 00:23:31,533 I don't understand why we're arguing! 604 00:23:31,613 --> 00:23:32,785 I thought we wanted to go. 605 00:23:32,948 --> 00:23:35,189 All right, fuck it. Let's go to Hawaii! 606 00:23:35,385 --> 00:23:37,729 - Yes! Fuck yes! - Hawaii! 607 00:23:40,424 --> 00:23:41,579 Yo, what you know about goin' out? 608 00:23:41,659 --> 00:23:43,881 Head west, red Lex TV's all up in the headrest 609 00:23:43,961 --> 00:23:46,217 Try and live it up, ride true, a bigger truck 610 00:23:46,297 --> 00:23:48,800 Peeps all glittered up Stick up can, they go what? 611 00:23:48,899 --> 00:23:50,755 Jig wit it 'cuz ship crisp, split it all 612 00:23:50,835 --> 00:23:53,008 Ho's ride, get your nut 'til I can't get it up 613 00:23:53,170 --> 00:23:56,310 Bad, bad, bad, bad boy 614 00:23:56,407 --> 00:23:57,728 You make me feel so good 615 00:23:57,808 --> 00:23:58,809 Aloha, and welcome. 616 00:23:58,976 --> 00:23:59,977 - Hi. - Aloha. 617 00:24:00,077 --> 00:24:01,198 For real? 618 00:24:01,278 --> 00:24:02,814 Let me get you gentlemen checked in, yeah? 619 00:24:04,148 --> 00:24:06,992 Holy shit, this place is nice! 620 00:24:08,152 --> 00:24:10,257 It's gonna be more nice. 621 00:24:10,421 --> 00:24:12,662 Nice girls don't show off their ecstasy. 622 00:24:12,823 --> 00:24:14,132 One of these is a multivitamin. 623 00:24:14,292 --> 00:24:15,294 Is this shit free? 624 00:24:15,461 --> 00:24:18,169 I can smoke weed out of this, I can smoke weed out of this... 625 00:24:18,364 --> 00:24:21,504 Look at that teacher, grabbing her apple a day. 626 00:24:21,934 --> 00:24:24,778 Look at that personality from behind. 627 00:24:24,937 --> 00:24:26,883 It is, dare I say... 628 00:24:27,039 --> 00:24:28,518 - well-rounded. - Mmm-hmm. 629 00:24:28,608 --> 00:24:29,609 Look at Mike. 630 00:24:29,775 --> 00:24:31,948 He looks like a funhouse mirror version of a better looking dude... 631 00:24:32,979 --> 00:24:34,253 but he is just that dude. 632 00:24:35,448 --> 00:24:37,585 Dave, it is so on this weekend. 633 00:24:37,950 --> 00:24:40,028 I am not touching this guy the whole weekend. 634 00:24:40,186 --> 00:24:42,475 He thinks just because he brought me here I'm gonna sleep with him? 635 00:24:42,555 --> 00:24:43,556 Check it out. 636 00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:45,812 If this was Mike's dick, I'd be like... 637 00:24:45,892 --> 00:24:47,701 Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... 638 00:24:47,793 --> 00:24:49,295 I'd get close, but I'd never touch it. 639 00:24:50,029 --> 00:24:52,305 They have such beautiful flowers here. 640 00:24:52,466 --> 00:24:54,856 She's throwing out serious vibes right now. 641 00:24:54,936 --> 00:24:56,091 I'm like, I'm hungry. 642 00:24:56,171 --> 00:24:57,377 I'm gonna butter them biscuits. 643 00:24:57,639 --> 00:24:59,312 I'm gonna baste them ham hocks. 644 00:24:59,474 --> 00:25:00,885 I'm gonna be like a sex chef. 645 00:25:01,142 --> 00:25:02,985 Mr. Grey will see you now. 646 00:25:03,344 --> 00:25:04,516 I'm gonna touch Dave. 647 00:25:04,679 --> 00:25:06,056 Every time he says something sweet... 648 00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:09,252 I wanna get some rope and chain in bulk from Home Depot... 649 00:25:09,417 --> 00:25:11,328 and just see where it takes us, you know? 650 00:25:11,486 --> 00:25:13,261 That is messed up. 651 00:25:13,821 --> 00:25:15,664 Ladies, your wedding itineraries. 652 00:25:15,823 --> 00:25:17,278 # DoingItForJeanie. 653 00:25:17,358 --> 00:25:19,235 Today, we have the meet and greet by the pool. 654 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:21,349 And then after that, we have a dolphin excursion. 655 00:25:21,429 --> 00:25:22,917 Friday is the rehearsal dinner. 656 00:25:22,997 --> 00:25:24,085 Mmm-hmm. 657 00:25:24,165 --> 00:25:26,687 That's where Dave and I are gonna be doing our big speech. 658 00:25:26,767 --> 00:25:28,404 Will there be any downtime? 659 00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:30,243 Yeah, 'cause I gotta keep in touch with the office. 660 00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:32,595 I gotta call my stocks about the state of my bonds. 661 00:25:32,675 --> 00:25:33,677 It happens a lot. 662 00:25:33,944 --> 00:25:36,390 Mm-kay, I think we are right up here. 663 00:25:37,113 --> 00:25:39,889 Great. So which one is me and Alice's room? 664 00:25:41,384 --> 00:25:42,506 Uh... 665 00:25:42,586 --> 00:25:45,931 I don't know. Are you and Alice gonna share a room? 666 00:25:46,089 --> 00:25:48,378 Or I was thinking that maybe you and I... 667 00:25:48,458 --> 00:25:50,199 would stay in the same room. 668 00:25:52,095 --> 00:25:55,201 That sounds interesting... 669 00:25:55,365 --> 00:25:57,367 but I don't think it would be a good idea. 670 00:25:58,702 --> 00:25:59,703 Why not? 671 00:26:02,272 --> 00:26:04,775 Because I don't trust myself around you. 672 00:26:05,442 --> 00:26:06,716 You can trust me. 673 00:26:06,876 --> 00:26:09,117 I do trust you. 674 00:26:09,913 --> 00:26:11,222 Let's trust each other. 675 00:26:11,382 --> 00:26:14,455 There's so much trust. 676 00:26:14,686 --> 00:26:16,996 Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 677 00:26:17,089 --> 00:26:19,244 I respect you so much, I can't wait to get you alone. 678 00:26:19,324 --> 00:26:21,580 Yeah, we're gonna cover all the room charges and stuff... 679 00:26:21,660 --> 00:26:23,148 for up to $50 per day. 680 00:26:23,228 --> 00:26:24,332 Oh, my God. You don't have to do that. 681 00:26:24,496 --> 00:26:26,601 I'm a very strict teacher. 682 00:26:26,798 --> 00:26:30,575 You be Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, and I'll be... 683 00:26:30,736 --> 00:26:32,010 I'll be Coolio. 684 00:26:32,170 --> 00:26:34,116 - Coolio's not in that movie. - Oh. 685 00:26:35,507 --> 00:26:38,317 He is in song and spirit. 686 00:26:38,543 --> 00:26:41,217 I'm gonna call a parent-teacher conference... 687 00:26:41,313 --> 00:26:44,089 and tell them what a bad boy you are. 688 00:26:44,249 --> 00:26:45,523 Please don't tell my mommy. 689 00:26:45,784 --> 00:26:47,105 Please don't tell my daddy. 690 00:26:47,185 --> 00:26:49,174 I think Wi-Fi is included, too, so... 691 00:26:49,254 --> 00:26:50,461 - That's always nice. Yeah. - Yeah. 692 00:26:50,723 --> 00:26:54,715 If I were to give you a grade, I'd give you a D. 693 00:26:54,795 --> 00:26:56,001 A big, hard D. 694 00:26:56,230 --> 00:26:57,538 Why? I deserve an A. 695 00:26:57,631 --> 00:26:59,133 - What are you talking about? - Oh. 696 00:26:59,300 --> 00:27:00,335 Nothing. 697 00:27:00,501 --> 00:27:01,844 In conclusion... 698 00:27:02,002 --> 00:27:04,380 I'm gonna stay in the room... 699 00:27:04,538 --> 00:27:05,608 with Alice. 700 00:27:06,707 --> 00:27:08,709 That one, with Alice. 701 00:27:08,876 --> 00:27:10,219 Cool, cool. No doubt. 702 00:27:12,713 --> 00:27:15,785 Somebody overcooked the soft pretzel. 703 00:27:17,017 --> 00:27:19,240 My dick is hard. That's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes. 704 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,857 Oh, my God. Ew! 705 00:27:22,389 --> 00:27:24,062 Lift it, drop it, shake it 706 00:27:24,158 --> 00:27:26,798 It's going down for real 707 00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:33,210 It's going down for real 708 00:27:34,737 --> 00:27:36,148 Grandma, I'd like you to meet Alice. 709 00:27:36,305 --> 00:27:38,995 She's super smart, great conversationalist, and she works on Wall Street. 710 00:27:39,075 --> 00:27:41,987 - But I'm one of the good ones. - I think she is. 711 00:27:44,714 --> 00:27:45,920 I am a teacher, yeah. 712 00:27:46,148 --> 00:27:48,856 And you know what? The key to teaching children is repetition. 713 00:27:49,018 --> 00:27:50,929 You'd be surprised how stupid they are. 714 00:28:00,763 --> 00:28:01,764 Jeanie! 715 00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:06,108 - Hey, you! - Hi! Hi! 716 00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:09,106 I'm so proud to introduce our wedding dates... 717 00:28:09,272 --> 00:28:10,911 - Tatiana. - And Alice. 718 00:28:12,243 --> 00:28:13,449 Hi! 719 00:28:14,412 --> 00:28:16,517 - Oh, the bride. The gorgeous bride. - Ow! Hi. 720 00:28:16,714 --> 00:28:20,389 This weekend is all about you being happy and not shattered. 721 00:28:20,518 --> 00:28:22,674 - Oh. Thank you. - Yeah. 722 00:28:22,754 --> 00:28:24,927 Check out your arms. You got some Michelle Obama arms. 723 00:28:25,723 --> 00:28:27,632 How'd you get those guns on the plane, girl? 724 00:28:28,793 --> 00:28:31,968 Eric... you are two points hotter just being next to this woman. 725 00:28:32,530 --> 00:28:33,685 Try 10 points hotter. 726 00:28:33,765 --> 00:28:35,853 - Try a million. - That's too many points. 727 00:28:35,933 --> 00:28:38,056 - Wow, and Jeanie, nice snag. - Thank you. 728 00:28:38,136 --> 00:28:39,638 You guys look great together, really. 729 00:28:39,837 --> 00:28:43,214 I'm liking this. Huh? Maybe you two will keep these two in check a little bit. 730 00:28:43,874 --> 00:28:46,617 I think we can. I'll just keep him on a leash. 731 00:28:46,778 --> 00:28:48,534 Maybe don't hurt him. 732 00:28:48,614 --> 00:28:50,094 I like these girls. 733 00:28:50,250 --> 00:28:51,320 They're so fun. 734 00:28:51,484 --> 00:28:53,589 Unlike my maid of honor. 735 00:28:53,787 --> 00:28:54,857 She's having a time. 736 00:28:54,988 --> 00:28:56,092 How is ol' Becky Grammerstein? 737 00:28:56,289 --> 00:28:57,290 She's coming. 738 00:28:57,424 --> 00:28:58,732 - Jeanie. - Hey. 739 00:28:58,892 --> 00:29:00,269 I'm in crisis mode. 740 00:29:00,427 --> 00:29:02,065 I ordered Prosecco for the Mani-pedis... 741 00:29:02,228 --> 00:29:03,332 and all they have is champagne! 742 00:29:03,496 --> 00:29:04,497 Aren't they the same thing? 743 00:29:04,731 --> 00:29:07,143 - No. No, they're not. No. - No? 744 00:29:07,767 --> 00:29:09,440 Hello, Michael. 745 00:29:09,602 --> 00:29:10,603 Hi, Dave. 746 00:29:11,070 --> 00:29:14,574 Look, I'm trying to make your dreams come true, okay? 747 00:29:14,774 --> 00:29:15,809 - Right. - What? 748 00:29:15,942 --> 00:29:17,764 If this is bad news, I'm gonna eat your ass. 749 00:29:17,844 --> 00:29:18,898 - Sorry. - Okay. 750 00:29:18,978 --> 00:29:20,924 Purple. It better be purple. 751 00:29:21,347 --> 00:29:23,327 I should probably go see to that. 752 00:29:23,483 --> 00:29:24,484 - You'll come? - Yeah. 753 00:29:24,651 --> 00:29:25,925 Thank you so much for being here. 754 00:29:26,085 --> 00:29:29,034 Guys, good job with these two. 755 00:29:29,191 --> 00:29:30,670 Mahala. 756 00:29:30,859 --> 00:29:32,099 Bye, Jeanie. 757 00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:33,261 Jeanie likes the girls. 758 00:29:33,428 --> 00:29:34,634 Jeanie likes the girls 759 00:29:34,830 --> 00:29:36,332 Talk about Jeanie Jeanie likes the girls 760 00:29:36,465 --> 00:29:38,253 Because it's a" about Jeanie likes the girls 761 00:29:38,333 --> 00:29:40,438 - Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes the girls - Come on! 762 00:29:40,535 --> 00:29:41,990 - It's a" about Jeanie - Likes the girls 763 00:29:42,070 --> 00:29:44,893 - it's all about Jeanie likes the girls! - Mike. Where are the girls? 764 00:29:44,973 --> 00:29:46,179 - Oh, hello! - I'm Alice. 765 00:29:46,408 --> 00:29:47,529 I just I wanna give you a hug. 766 00:29:47,609 --> 00:29:49,054 It's so nice to meet you. 767 00:29:49,211 --> 00:29:50,485 Fucking A. You distracted me, man. 768 00:29:50,679 --> 00:29:52,681 This dress is lucky to be on you. Those pins! 769 00:29:52,814 --> 00:29:53,884 - My Mike? - Yes. 770 00:29:54,049 --> 00:29:55,221 - I can't... Wow. - He did. 771 00:29:55,383 --> 00:29:57,056 That's fantastic. 772 00:29:57,285 --> 00:29:58,923 Mike, Tatiana was just telling me... 773 00:29:59,020 --> 00:30:00,465 that you saved her life. 774 00:30:00,622 --> 00:30:01,896 I most certainly did, Father. 775 00:30:02,123 --> 00:30:04,846 You see how great it is to have nice girls around? 776 00:30:04,926 --> 00:30:06,182 - I mean, these are nice girls. - Aw! 777 00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,401 Absolutely. 778 00:30:07,531 --> 00:30:08,652 They are. And we brought them, so... 779 00:30:08,732 --> 00:30:10,006 Excuse me. 780 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,188 Excuse me. 781 00:30:11,268 --> 00:30:12,256 See you in a minute. Honey, come on. 782 00:30:12,336 --> 00:30:14,491 Can I get everybody's attention? Could we gather around? 783 00:30:14,571 --> 00:30:15,948 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! 784 00:30:16,073 --> 00:30:17,848 We're killing this shit! We're killing. 785 00:30:18,008 --> 00:30:19,163 Mom and Dad like the girls! 786 00:30:19,243 --> 00:30:20,330 Ow. 787 00:30:20,410 --> 00:30:21,821 Mom and Dad like the girls 788 00:30:21,979 --> 00:30:26,485 Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's best man, his cousin... 789 00:30:26,650 --> 00:30:28,652 and his best friend. 790 00:30:28,886 --> 00:30:31,331 Welcome to the meet and greet! 791 00:30:31,722 --> 00:30:33,030 Yeah! 792 00:30:33,257 --> 00:30:34,361 Put your hands together... 793 00:30:34,525 --> 00:30:37,648 for Eric and his lovely bride, Jeanie. 794 00:30:37,728 --> 00:30:39,401 Give it up! 795 00:30:39,530 --> 00:30:40,702 Jeanie! 796 00:30:40,864 --> 00:30:44,334 Hey, everybody. A big thank you to my new family, the Stangles. 797 00:30:44,535 --> 00:30:45,590 We love you, Eric! 798 00:30:45,670 --> 00:30:46,692 Thank you. 799 00:30:46,772 --> 00:30:48,911 And to my own family, I must say... 800 00:30:49,909 --> 00:30:51,582 Portland, Oregon in the house! 801 00:30:53,045 --> 00:30:56,026 I'm really happy to finally make you all my ohana... 802 00:30:56,181 --> 00:30:57,558 which means "family." 803 00:30:57,716 --> 00:30:59,753 And as the Hawaiians say... 804 00:30:59,919 --> 00:31:01,125 Kale maluna! 805 00:31:01,287 --> 00:31:04,359 Which translates loosely into "bottoms up." 806 00:31:04,523 --> 00:31:07,231 But more closely translated, it actually means... 807 00:31:07,459 --> 00:31:09,849 "your butts to the sky"... 808 00:31:09,929 --> 00:31:11,533 which is inappropriate. 809 00:31:12,865 --> 00:31:14,401 This is gonna be magic. 810 00:31:15,034 --> 00:31:18,277 Thank you all again, so much, for being here. 811 00:31:18,437 --> 00:31:22,112 We are so happy to have you at our wedding. 812 00:31:22,641 --> 00:31:26,420 Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 813 00:31:26,981 --> 00:31:28,619 - Put the mic on the stand. - The stand. 814 00:31:29,951 --> 00:31:32,073 - Alice. - Where are you going? 815 00:31:32,153 --> 00:31:33,140 Hi! What happened? 816 00:31:33,220 --> 00:31:35,291 You sort of zoned out for a sec. What's up? You okay? 817 00:31:35,456 --> 00:31:37,834 Yeah! We're at a wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 818 00:31:38,225 --> 00:31:39,747 You just said "wedding" three times. 819 00:31:39,827 --> 00:31:40,915 I'm fine. Yeah! 820 00:31:40,995 --> 00:31:42,770 Let's just forget about the past, and move on. 821 00:31:43,064 --> 00:31:44,668 To the bar! 822 00:31:44,765 --> 00:31:46,039 To the bar? 823 00:31:47,001 --> 00:31:48,002 Mmm. Mmm. 824 00:31:50,471 --> 00:31:51,916 Ooh. I don't think these are shots. 825 00:31:52,073 --> 00:31:53,643 I mean, we're drinking 'em like they're shots... 826 00:31:53,741 --> 00:31:55,982 but I don't think they're supposed to be drunk like that. 827 00:31:56,143 --> 00:31:58,089 Your face is funny. 828 00:32:14,931 --> 00:32:18,488 Oh. Hey, Mike. I was just talking to my new friend, Tatiana. 829 00:32:18,568 --> 00:32:22,143 - Tatiana, this is my cousin, Mike. - She knows who I am. She's my date. 830 00:32:22,338 --> 00:32:25,046 Why would someone this attractive ever be with you? 831 00:32:25,341 --> 00:32:27,648 Are you gonna hit on my date all weekend, like bisexual Fonzie? 832 00:32:27,777 --> 00:32:29,688 I don't think it's gonna take all weekend. Am I right? 833 00:32:30,146 --> 00:32:31,386 So, you guys are cousins? 834 00:32:31,547 --> 00:32:33,288 She's been jealous of me since I was a little kid. 835 00:32:33,483 --> 00:32:34,894 What could I possibly be jealous of? 836 00:32:35,018 --> 00:32:37,294 Your outfit looks like Jimmy Buffet's dust ruffle. 837 00:32:37,553 --> 00:32:39,726 Do you guys always do this? 838 00:32:39,956 --> 00:32:41,663 Okay, this is actually a very fashion-forward outfit. 839 00:32:41,824 --> 00:32:44,306 No, you look like the wallpaper from a Long John Silver's bathroom. 840 00:32:44,496 --> 00:32:46,066 Cool. I'm gonna hit the buffet now... 841 00:32:46,231 --> 00:32:49,872 while you guys do whatever it is you're doing. 842 00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:52,958 Okay? 843 00:32:53,038 --> 00:32:54,039 Good idea. 844 00:32:55,373 --> 00:32:56,511 Look at that. 845 00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:58,697 Pink little ass just bouncing away, saying... 846 00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:02,300 Terry, come get me, Terry, come get me 847 00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:03,468 No, it's saying... 848 00:33:03,548 --> 00:33:07,553 Mike, crawl up in this Mike, crawl up in this 849 00:33:07,719 --> 00:33:09,494 Whoa. What's up, double trouble? 850 00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:10,909 Terry. Cousin of the bride. 851 00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:12,229 Get at me later, we'll make a Terry sandwich. 852 00:33:12,390 --> 00:33:13,869 Don't touch her. She has chlamydia. 853 00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:15,163 - Everybody does. - No. 854 00:33:15,593 --> 00:33:16,594 Not everyone does. 855 00:33:17,262 --> 00:33:19,684 Saw you and Dave are doing your speech together at the rehearsal dinner. 856 00:33:19,764 --> 00:33:20,752 Mmm-hmm. 857 00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:23,371 I'm going to bring the house down with my speech. 858 00:33:23,637 --> 00:33:25,378 And why do you think you're such a hotshot? 859 00:33:25,505 --> 00:33:26,677 You know Chris Rock? 860 00:33:27,441 --> 00:33:29,443 He's my neighbor. Practiced my speech on him. 861 00:33:29,910 --> 00:33:32,049 And he gave me seven killer jokes. 862 00:33:33,380 --> 00:33:35,724 Suck on that, cousin. 863 00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:37,371 Terry out. 864 00:33:37,451 --> 00:33:40,261 Chris Rock? Fuck! That sounds awesome. 865 00:33:52,265 --> 00:33:55,269 Oh, my God. You were right. These cheeseburgers are amazing. 866 00:33:55,435 --> 00:33:56,573 I know. 867 00:33:56,737 --> 00:33:58,580 Being a good girl is hard. 868 00:33:58,739 --> 00:34:00,651 I know. It sucks. 869 00:34:01,642 --> 00:34:04,624 You were hitting that booze too hard for a nice girl. 870 00:34:04,813 --> 00:34:06,190 You need to get Luke out of your head. 871 00:34:06,315 --> 00:34:08,090 - Yeah. - You do. 872 00:34:08,250 --> 00:34:10,662 And what better way to do that... 873 00:34:10,919 --> 00:34:13,593 than good old-fashioned dick flicks. 874 00:34:13,756 --> 00:34:15,895 - Yes. - Oh, God. 875 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,334 Tatiana. Mike Stangle. 876 00:34:21,497 --> 00:34:23,499 From the meet and greet. Well, from before that. 877 00:34:23,665 --> 00:34:25,144 One second. 878 00:34:25,234 --> 00:34:26,235 Fuck. 879 00:34:27,469 --> 00:34:29,642 Hey. It's you. 880 00:34:29,805 --> 00:34:30,909 It is me. 881 00:34:31,073 --> 00:34:36,421 I was hoping maybe I could come in and we could watch a movie or... 882 00:34:37,646 --> 00:34:40,886 - Do whatever you wanna do. - Why are you whispering? 883 00:34:41,017 --> 00:34:43,157 'Cause that's what we were doing before. 884 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:44,355 They've got Cockbusters. 885 00:34:44,588 --> 00:34:46,499 Is that supposed to be like Ghostbusters? 886 00:34:46,590 --> 00:34:48,536 Why would you wanna get rid of the cocks? 887 00:34:48,759 --> 00:34:50,500 - What's that? - She's talking in her sleep. 888 00:34:50,661 --> 00:34:53,505 She says the craziest stuff in her sleep. 889 00:34:53,597 --> 00:34:55,753 It looks like his dick is gonna pop. It's so veiny and hard. 890 00:34:55,833 --> 00:34:56,834 - Tatiana! - Something's hard? 891 00:34:57,001 --> 00:34:59,838 Julio. My student. I'm doing a Skype class session with him... 892 00:35:00,004 --> 00:35:02,109 and he's having a really hard time in the schoolyard. 893 00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:03,728 If you don't get in here, I'm gonna start masturbating! 894 00:35:03,808 --> 00:35:05,310 Oh, phooey. I've gotta go. 895 00:35:05,476 --> 00:35:07,031 That sounds like you guys are, watching porno, or... 896 00:35:07,111 --> 00:35:08,099 - No. - Tatiana! 897 00:35:08,179 --> 00:35:09,180 Does it smell like weed in here? 898 00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,157 - You guys smoking weed? - No. It was a skunk. 899 00:35:11,315 --> 00:35:13,818 I've gotta go, because a bunch of kids are waiting to hear... 900 00:35:13,984 --> 00:35:15,691 if they've failed second grade or not. 901 00:35:15,853 --> 00:35:18,891 Well, I am doing some grading myself, and girl... 902 00:35:19,057 --> 00:35:21,514 you are getting an A plus. 903 00:35:21,594 --> 00:35:22,595 Thank you so much. 904 00:35:23,229 --> 00:35:24,230 Mmm. 905 00:35:56,095 --> 00:35:58,252 - And then win! - Skills. Def skills. 906 00:35:58,332 --> 00:35:59,835 Cheers to Tatiana and Alice. 907 00:36:00,001 --> 00:36:01,739 We're so glad you're here. 908 00:36:02,503 --> 00:36:03,573 Yes. Cheers. 909 00:36:03,738 --> 00:36:05,843 You guys, Alice and I found this really cool thing. 910 00:36:06,007 --> 00:36:07,714 Jurassic Park ATV Tours! 911 00:36:08,776 --> 00:36:10,949 You ride ATVs where they shot Jurassic Park. 912 00:36:11,179 --> 00:36:15,355 Actually, we are about to go swimming with the dolphins. 913 00:36:15,884 --> 00:36:17,693 It's on the itinerary, so... 914 00:36:17,919 --> 00:36:19,796 But, guys, Jurassic P! 915 00:36:19,888 --> 00:36:21,299 I love this movie! 916 00:36:21,456 --> 00:36:23,959 Oh, my gosh, on ATVs, this would be so sick. 917 00:36:24,125 --> 00:36:25,365 "Welcome... 918 00:36:25,526 --> 00:36:28,268 "...to Jurassic Park." 919 00:36:28,363 --> 00:36:29,467 "That is a big pile of shit." 920 00:36:29,631 --> 00:36:32,139 "Oh, you're not so scary, little guy." 921 00:36:38,073 --> 00:36:39,382 What is going on here? 922 00:36:40,877 --> 00:36:42,065 Oh! Oh! 923 00:36:42,145 --> 00:36:45,285 I wish we could do that... 924 00:36:45,448 --> 00:36:47,291 but we have a date with the dolphins... 925 00:36:47,450 --> 00:36:48,793 at the bottom of the ocean, so... 926 00:36:48,952 --> 00:36:51,398 Don't you think we should do what Jeanie wants to do? 927 00:36:51,554 --> 00:36:53,090 I mean, it is her wedding after all. 928 00:36:53,256 --> 00:36:54,462 Right, Mike? 929 00:37:23,755 --> 00:37:25,701 I'm so happy we're here! 930 00:37:25,857 --> 00:37:28,303 This is where the dinos ran in the prairie! 931 00:37:28,460 --> 00:37:29,461 I know, girl! 932 00:37:29,628 --> 00:37:31,801 Check it out! I'm a brontosaurus! 933 00:37:31,964 --> 00:37:35,001 I'm a T-Rex. I'm coming to get you! 934 00:37:35,634 --> 00:37:38,012 Guys, butts on seats, okay? No hot dogging! 935 00:37:43,709 --> 00:37:45,188 "They're flocking this way!" 936 00:37:46,578 --> 00:37:48,080 Here's a T-Rex! 937 00:37:48,380 --> 00:37:50,155 "Life finds a way." 938 00:37:59,460 --> 00:38:01,462 Jeanie! Eric! 939 00:38:01,562 --> 00:38:03,041 Hey! 940 00:38:03,163 --> 00:38:06,076 Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric. 941 00:38:06,233 --> 00:38:09,339 I wasn't lost. Just driving at a reasonable pace. 942 00:38:09,603 --> 00:38:10,843 Stay there. We'll come to you. 943 00:38:11,338 --> 00:38:14,319 All right, we better go around. This ledge looks super dangerous. 944 00:38:14,475 --> 00:38:16,682 Oh, yeah, Mike's right. It does look dangerous. 945 00:38:17,244 --> 00:38:19,850 It's a good thing my middle name is "dangerous!" 946 00:38:20,014 --> 00:38:21,001 Yeah, it is! 947 00:38:21,081 --> 00:38:22,992 - Whoo! - Whoa! 948 00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:28,867 - Oh, God! - What? 949 00:38:31,492 --> 00:38:33,130 Oh, my God, she's Superman! 950 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,172 Oh, my God! 951 00:38:39,268 --> 00:38:40,542 A-Money! 952 00:38:46,075 --> 00:38:47,520 I still think we should go around. 953 00:38:47,643 --> 00:38:49,919 She just got some serious air, bro! 954 00:38:50,012 --> 00:38:52,788 You call that serious air? Check this fucking shit out. 955 00:38:52,882 --> 00:38:54,020 Whoa! 956 00:38:54,116 --> 00:38:55,972 Suck my clit, fuckers! 957 00:38:56,052 --> 00:38:57,053 Whoa! 958 00:38:59,855 --> 00:39:00,843 Whoa! 959 00:39:00,923 --> 00:39:01,958 Oh, not again. 960 00:39:02,958 --> 00:39:03,946 Yeah, baby! 961 00:39:04,026 --> 00:39:06,199 Easy does it. Nothing fancy. 962 00:39:12,068 --> 00:39:14,208 - Oh, my God. Look at what she's doing! - I see it! 963 00:39:14,404 --> 00:39:16,507 Sweet candied nuts. 964 00:39:21,546 --> 00:39:23,082 Who are these girls? 965 00:39:25,149 --> 00:39:26,150 Whoa! 966 00:39:26,317 --> 00:39:27,990 Um... 967 00:39:28,086 --> 00:39:30,657 Where did you guys learn to do that? 968 00:39:30,822 --> 00:39:32,577 - We lived in Baja. - Oh. 969 00:39:32,657 --> 00:39:34,330 Tore up a lot of trail down there. 970 00:39:34,592 --> 00:39:35,832 Made a lot of friends. 971 00:39:36,494 --> 00:39:37,996 Made even more enemies. 972 00:39:38,162 --> 00:39:39,334 God, I miss Baja. 973 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,341 Your turn, Mike! Don't be a pussy! 974 00:39:45,069 --> 00:39:48,278 I'm not gonna do it. Name calling doesn't work on me, so... 975 00:39:48,439 --> 00:39:51,181 Mike, it'll turn me on if you take that jump. 976 00:39:51,342 --> 00:39:53,118 Turn me on if you don't. 977 00:39:53,278 --> 00:39:55,281 Still not going to, still. 978 00:39:55,448 --> 00:39:56,449 I'm not gonna do it. 979 00:39:56,616 --> 00:39:57,754 Like we would ever do that. 980 00:39:57,951 --> 00:39:59,672 No way. 981 00:39:59,752 --> 00:40:02,194 Come on! Do it. He's not gonna do it. Do it! 982 00:40:02,355 --> 00:40:03,834 Do not do it. 983 00:40:03,990 --> 00:40:05,628 No, definitely don't do that. 984 00:40:05,859 --> 00:40:07,736 It's a bad idea. It's a stupid, dumb idea. 985 00:40:07,827 --> 00:40:09,966 - And it's dangerous, and it's foolish. - Yes, it is. 986 00:40:10,497 --> 00:40:11,703 I'm gonna do it! 987 00:40:13,366 --> 00:40:15,101 Mike! 988 00:40:16,436 --> 00:40:17,540 - Oh, shit! - Oh. 989 00:40:18,037 --> 00:40:19,209 Oh! 990 00:40:19,339 --> 00:40:21,311 I'm never gonna die! 991 00:40:23,676 --> 00:40:25,398 - Oh, shit. - He going fast. 992 00:40:25,478 --> 00:40:27,116 Oh, no. Keep it straight! 993 00:40:31,084 --> 00:40:32,119 Oh, he's shanking it. 994 00:40:35,323 --> 00:40:36,700 Whoo! Got it, got it! 995 00:40:41,897 --> 00:40:43,205 Oh, no, God! 996 00:40:43,331 --> 00:40:44,366 Jeanie, move! 997 00:40:47,369 --> 00:40:48,712 No! 998 00:40:48,870 --> 00:40:49,905 No! 999 00:40:50,172 --> 00:40:51,674 No! 1000 00:40:51,806 --> 00:40:53,080 No! 1001 00:41:14,531 --> 00:41:16,841 It's gonna be fine. 1002 00:41:17,301 --> 00:41:19,356 Your face is making me think it's gonna be bad. 1003 00:41:19,436 --> 00:41:21,325 I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 1004 00:41:21,405 --> 00:41:22,426 - You know? - No. Yeah. 1005 00:41:22,506 --> 00:41:23,644 Just show us what we're working with, 1006 00:41:23,774 --> 00:41:24,795 and it'll be fine. 1007 00:41:24,875 --> 00:41:25,876 - Okay. - Okay? 1008 00:41:26,443 --> 00:41:27,531 Is it okay? 1009 00:41:27,611 --> 00:41:29,147 - Oh, my God! - Oh! God! Oh! 1010 00:41:29,479 --> 00:41:31,925 Wow! Don't you look good? 1011 00:41:33,750 --> 00:41:35,593 - Your face! - Shut up, Mike! 1012 00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:37,528 You shut up, Becky! Have you seen her face? 1013 00:41:37,688 --> 00:41:39,531 Oh, God! What? 1014 00:41:39,690 --> 00:41:41,966 It looks like you were making meth, and the bathtub exploded. 1015 00:41:43,193 --> 00:41:44,536 You look like Burn Victim Barbie. 1016 00:41:44,928 --> 00:41:46,236 Hush it up! 1017 00:41:46,396 --> 00:41:47,551 And you're Black Ken. 1018 00:41:47,631 --> 00:41:49,577 - Stop! - Okay. 1019 00:41:49,733 --> 00:41:51,789 It's like an exaggerated smoky eye. 1020 00:41:51,870 --> 00:41:53,872 Dave, be honest. Is it bad? 1021 00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,813 This side, there's a little... 1022 00:41:56,909 --> 00:41:59,031 - There's a little discoloration there. - Little discoloration. 1023 00:41:59,111 --> 00:42:00,249 Which side is it? 1024 00:42:00,479 --> 00:42:01,634 You could do a dance the whole night 1025 00:42:01,714 --> 00:42:03,250 where you just hold a hand over your face. 1026 00:42:03,382 --> 00:42:04,383 - Oh, that's smart. - Okay. 1027 00:42:04,550 --> 00:42:05,551 It's like a new thing. 1028 00:42:05,718 --> 00:42:09,424 - Do the Jeanie, do the Jeanie - Like this? 1029 00:42:09,655 --> 00:42:11,464 - Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie. - Do it. 1030 00:42:11,657 --> 00:42:13,034 - I'm doing the Jeanie. - Do the Jeanie, y'all. 1031 00:42:13,125 --> 00:42:14,160 It's a one-two step. 1032 00:42:14,293 --> 00:42:16,102 All right, that's enough. 1033 00:42:16,362 --> 00:42:17,966 Enough dancing! You and you... 1034 00:42:18,097 --> 00:42:19,474 outside, now! 1035 00:42:19,632 --> 00:42:21,538 Honey, calm down. 1036 00:42:22,635 --> 00:42:24,137 - Honey, calm down. - Sorry. 1037 00:42:24,303 --> 00:42:26,647 Do you understand they've deformed our little girl... 1038 00:42:26,805 --> 00:42:28,944 the day before her goddamn wedding? 1039 00:42:29,208 --> 00:42:31,332 She looks like Seal, for Christ's sake! 1040 00:42:31,412 --> 00:42:33,234 Oh! Why, Dad? 1041 00:42:33,314 --> 00:42:34,315 Ow! 1042 00:42:35,416 --> 00:42:36,759 Do you think he's gonna spank us? 1043 00:42:36,917 --> 00:42:37,918 What? 1044 00:42:38,686 --> 00:42:39,687 Never mind. 1045 00:42:39,787 --> 00:42:41,742 I haven't seen him this pissed in a long time. 1046 00:42:41,822 --> 00:42:42,857 OOP- 1047 00:42:42,957 --> 00:42:44,766 Yeah. It's the other door. 1048 00:42:45,693 --> 00:42:46,781 They meet in the middle. 1049 00:42:46,861 --> 00:42:48,465 - They meet in the middle. - God damn it! 1050 00:42:50,665 --> 00:42:53,043 Dad, listen. I know what you're gonna say. 1051 00:42:53,167 --> 00:42:55,423 - You're right. - We're gonna sue the ATV companies. 1052 00:42:55,503 --> 00:42:56,709 - Right? - I see. 1053 00:42:56,837 --> 00:42:57,838 Not what I was gonna say. 1054 00:42:57,972 --> 00:42:59,212 Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch. 1055 00:42:59,373 --> 00:43:00,943 Mike, stop! 1056 00:43:01,108 --> 00:43:03,331 You've got to own this. This is your fault. 1057 00:43:03,411 --> 00:43:04,412 It's not. 1058 00:43:04,945 --> 00:43:06,982 If anything, it's the girls' fault. 1059 00:43:07,248 --> 00:43:08,556 They're crazy. 1060 00:43:08,716 --> 00:43:11,107 The girls aren't the problem! 1061 00:43:11,187 --> 00:43:12,564 You are. 1062 00:43:12,722 --> 00:43:14,861 What the hell did you think was gonna happen, huh? 1063 00:43:15,024 --> 00:43:16,731 What did you think was gonna happen? 1064 00:43:16,893 --> 00:43:17,894 We had a plan. 1065 00:43:18,061 --> 00:43:20,473 The plan was to swim with dolphins... 1066 00:43:20,630 --> 00:43:22,337 and eat bananas afterwards. 1067 00:43:22,498 --> 00:43:24,239 See, Dad, I'm not gonna point any fingers here... 1068 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:25,401 but indirectly... 1069 00:43:25,568 --> 00:43:28,242 we wouldn't have been on ATVs if the girls hadn't forced us to. 1070 00:43:28,404 --> 00:43:30,850 And who made us bring dates in the first place? 1071 00:43:32,008 --> 00:43:33,062 - Not pointing fingers. - Yeah. 1072 00:43:33,142 --> 00:43:35,383 All right. I'm gonna take back what I said to you earlier. 1073 00:43:35,545 --> 00:43:37,684 I am going to lump you in together. 1074 00:43:37,847 --> 00:43:40,657 All right, you are lumped! 1075 00:43:41,317 --> 00:43:43,228 The hell is wrong with you, huh? 1076 00:43:44,354 --> 00:43:45,731 What the hell is wrong with you? 1077 00:43:47,323 --> 00:43:48,701 Dad. 1078 00:43:51,329 --> 00:43:52,740 Fuck. 1079 00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,337 Everyone get the fuck away from me. 1080 00:43:57,502 --> 00:43:59,914 Move! Adult Swim! 1081 00:44:00,071 --> 00:44:03,348 It's all fucked now. It's all fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie. 1082 00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:05,497 Jeanie's special weekend, and I ruin it. 1083 00:44:05,577 --> 00:44:09,150 Hey, hey, hey, Alice? That was not your fault, okay? 1084 00:44:09,414 --> 00:44:12,237 That's two weddings that I've ruined. It's just like, "Stupid Alice!" 1085 00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:14,695 Look, it's too bad that Jeanie's face got shredded... 1086 00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:16,574 but this is supposed to be our vacay. 1087 00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:18,443 Remember? We're supposed to be having fun... 1088 00:44:18,523 --> 00:44:19,644 and going on adventures. 1089 00:44:19,724 --> 00:44:20,828 Get in here with me. 1090 00:44:20,992 --> 00:44:22,335 I'm gonna find her. I'm gonna make it up to her. 1091 00:44:22,494 --> 00:44:24,997 No, no! You're not listening to me. Don't leave me! 1092 00:44:34,574 --> 00:44:36,697 Thanks again for letting me join your spa day, ladies. 1093 00:44:36,777 --> 00:44:40,520 It's not like you asked or anything, but you're here. Yay. 1094 00:44:40,947 --> 00:44:43,052 What did you guys do for your bachelorette party? 1095 00:44:43,350 --> 00:44:45,205 Did it get crazy? Did you guys do that thing... 1096 00:44:45,285 --> 00:44:48,095 where you go to Vegas and you dress up as a prostitute... 1097 00:44:48,422 --> 00:44:50,110 and you go out and there's a contest... 1098 00:44:50,190 --> 00:44:52,397 to see who can get the most money from a john... 1099 00:44:52,659 --> 00:44:54,481 but then you tell him, "I'm an undercover cop"... 1100 00:44:54,561 --> 00:44:57,599 and they, like, beg that you don't tell their children and their wives... 1101 00:44:57,764 --> 00:45:00,404 and they piss themselves, and you've got the whole thing on video. 1102 00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:03,639 And then you put it on YouTube and then there's the Auto-Tune remix. 1103 00:45:03,804 --> 00:45:04,805 Did you do that thing? 1104 00:45:05,472 --> 00:45:06,543 - No. - No. 1105 00:45:06,874 --> 00:45:11,381 I didn't actually end up having one, so... 1106 00:45:11,547 --> 00:45:13,185 Why? Every bride needs a bachelorette party. 1107 00:45:13,382 --> 00:45:15,537 I'm sorry Cabo didn't work out, Jeanie. 1108 00:45:15,617 --> 00:45:17,106 I know. It's fine. 1109 00:45:17,186 --> 00:45:18,240 You know I couldn't get the time off work. 1110 00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,709 And it would have ruined it for you, down there without me. 1111 00:45:20,789 --> 00:45:21,944 Is there some tension about this? 1112 00:45:22,024 --> 00:45:24,646 So I just thought, "Let's cancel the whole trip," if that makes sense. 1113 00:45:24,726 --> 00:45:26,682 Jeanie, can you keep it down? On the phone with Tokyo. 1114 00:45:26,762 --> 00:45:27,850 Did I bring up something uncomfortable? 1115 00:45:27,930 --> 00:45:30,274 Also, I caught the shingles because it was so stressful. 1116 00:45:32,234 --> 00:45:33,288 'Cause it feels like I did. 1117 00:45:33,368 --> 00:45:35,904 Plus they have Mexican bed bugs. 1118 00:45:37,406 --> 00:45:39,750 I need you guys to stop it! 1119 00:45:40,809 --> 00:45:43,119 Oh, that fucking gaping mouth of yours, shut it! 1120 00:45:43,679 --> 00:45:44,680 Shut it! 1121 00:45:45,113 --> 00:45:48,858 I just want to relax! Is that too much to ask? 1122 00:45:49,253 --> 00:45:51,859 Please! I just wanna relax. 1123 00:45:54,525 --> 00:45:55,799 How are you feeling, Jeanie? 1124 00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:57,439 A little stressed out. 1125 00:45:57,595 --> 00:46:00,439 - I'll give you a minute to disrobe. - Yeah, okay. 1126 00:46:00,598 --> 00:46:02,669 Face down on the table. 1127 00:46:03,067 --> 00:46:06,524 Hi, um, that is my best friend in there... 1128 00:46:06,604 --> 00:46:08,777 and she's getting married tomorrow, and she's a little uptight. 1129 00:46:09,073 --> 00:46:14,216 And I was wondering if you could, um, help her let loose a little bit? 1130 00:46:14,378 --> 00:46:15,399 You know? 1131 00:46:15,479 --> 00:46:20,485 Give her the "Hawaii Five Oh" experience? 1132 00:46:20,851 --> 00:46:23,474 The wink-wink, nudge-nudge massage, you know? 1133 00:46:23,554 --> 00:46:27,060 I can't really wink, but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge? 1134 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,081 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 1135 00:46:29,161 --> 00:46:30,834 Looks like you had a bit of a fit. 1136 00:46:31,030 --> 00:46:33,601 No, no. That's wink... That's wink-wink... 1137 00:46:34,867 --> 00:46:37,074 I feel like I've gotten what you're trying to say. 1138 00:46:37,303 --> 00:46:39,525 - Great. - But I figured it out. 1139 00:46:39,605 --> 00:46:42,195 - You didn't really communicate it to me. - Okay, that's fair. 1140 00:46:42,275 --> 00:46:46,121 Yes, you want the special "I am blissful" massage? 1141 00:46:46,245 --> 00:46:48,350 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1142 00:46:48,848 --> 00:46:49,883 Um... 1143 00:46:49,982 --> 00:46:51,893 - How blissful is that? - Oh, don't worry. 1144 00:46:52,051 --> 00:46:53,587 Physically, no penetration. 1145 00:46:53,686 --> 00:46:54,674 Classy. 1146 00:46:54,754 --> 00:46:57,758 Spiritually, I'll be doing an intimate tour of her chi. 1147 00:46:58,057 --> 00:47:00,094 Oh, you're gonna be good in there. I can tell. 1148 00:47:01,260 --> 00:47:02,364 How's the temperature in here, Jeanie? 1149 00:47:03,162 --> 00:47:05,041 Oh, it's good. Good. Comfy. 1150 00:47:05,199 --> 00:47:08,544 Good. Take down the light a little bit. 1151 00:47:08,703 --> 00:47:10,410 So you're getting married, huh? 1152 00:47:10,672 --> 00:47:12,208 I am. Yeah. 1153 00:47:12,407 --> 00:47:15,263 I know it can be a stressful time. 1154 00:47:15,343 --> 00:47:19,257 You know it's like, "Who is this for, me or my family?" 1155 00:47:19,414 --> 00:47:21,860 Yeah. I've recently had an injury to my face... 1156 00:47:22,016 --> 00:47:24,018 which I'm a little stressed out about. 1157 00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:25,720 Are you okay with oil? 1158 00:47:25,887 --> 00:47:27,195 Yeah, sure. 1159 00:47:30,191 --> 00:47:31,446 You know, in my country... 1160 00:47:31,526 --> 00:47:34,803 they call oil "God's beautiful lubricant." 1161 00:47:35,797 --> 00:47:37,970 It sounds better in my language. 1162 00:47:41,536 --> 00:47:43,125 Oh, that's lovely. 1163 00:47:43,205 --> 00:47:44,227 'kay. 1164 00:47:44,307 --> 00:47:45,695 Some ground rules. 1165 00:47:45,775 --> 00:47:48,365 One, no emotions. 1166 00:47:48,445 --> 00:47:50,550 - Okay. - Two, breathe. 1167 00:47:52,115 --> 00:47:56,255 Three, there is no penetration, only vibration. 1168 00:47:57,554 --> 00:47:59,932 What is happening? 1169 00:48:00,290 --> 00:48:02,531 I call this "The Bent Penguin." 1170 00:48:02,692 --> 00:48:05,172 This one is just "The Ham and Eggs." 1171 00:48:05,328 --> 00:48:08,241 This one is called "When Moons Collide." 1172 00:48:08,398 --> 00:48:10,901 "Angry Hummingbird." "Angry Hummingbird." 1173 00:48:11,067 --> 00:48:13,445 This one is called "House by the Airport." 1174 00:48:13,603 --> 00:48:15,844 Just checking in. Everything good? 1175 00:48:16,006 --> 00:48:18,680 Hope you're enjoying this. For me, it's just another Friday. 1176 00:48:26,484 --> 00:48:28,327 "Happy Doll." 1177 00:48:28,687 --> 00:48:32,794 This one is just called "Taking a Break." I am pooped. 1178 00:48:32,958 --> 00:48:35,700 A little break. That's nice. 1179 00:48:37,596 --> 00:48:38,734 Here we go again. 1180 00:48:40,632 --> 00:48:42,168 Are you even touching me? 1181 00:48:42,367 --> 00:48:44,847 No, but my aura is. 1182 00:48:45,137 --> 00:48:47,659 Yes, it is! 1183 00:48:47,739 --> 00:48:50,151 Sweet baby Jesus! 1184 00:49:09,263 --> 00:49:10,401 How's it going? 1185 00:49:10,931 --> 00:49:13,411 Shit, I thought I was alone in here. 1186 00:49:13,567 --> 00:49:16,514 Oh, yeah. You're not. I mean, we're alone. 1187 00:49:17,104 --> 00:49:19,448 How's Mike? Still really jealous of me? 1188 00:49:20,074 --> 00:49:23,851 It's like, yeah, okay, do I own a Tesla? Yes. 1189 00:49:24,011 --> 00:49:26,651 Do I make a shit-ton of money, like, way more than Mike? 1190 00:49:26,814 --> 00:49:28,122 Yes. But it's like, who cares? 1191 00:49:28,282 --> 00:49:30,353 Do I get backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1192 00:49:30,617 --> 00:49:33,173 Do I have a glass blowing studio in my basement? 1193 00:49:33,253 --> 00:49:35,255 Hold up, backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1194 00:49:35,422 --> 00:49:37,333 Yeah, she likes to have me around. You know. 1195 00:49:37,491 --> 00:49:40,415 - RiRi is Alice's jam. - Oh, RiRi, is it? 1196 00:49:40,495 --> 00:49:41,530 - Yes. - That's funny. 1197 00:49:41,697 --> 00:49:44,177 She would freak out if I got her backstage tickets to Rihanna. 1198 00:49:44,333 --> 00:49:47,473 Well, you could get her tickets. From me. I'm right here. 1199 00:49:47,636 --> 00:49:49,013 Are you serious? 1200 00:49:49,171 --> 00:49:52,482 Oh, God, steam rooms just open up your pores, you know? 1201 00:49:53,142 --> 00:49:55,179 They open up everything. 1202 00:49:58,314 --> 00:50:02,538 Backstage at RiRi is very fun. Sometimes she plays the DJ. 1203 00:50:02,618 --> 00:50:06,292 You know, just scratching records. You know like... 1204 00:50:09,725 --> 00:50:11,398 Shit, man. That's... 1205 00:50:11,827 --> 00:50:14,884 Are you saying you want me to get in there for the tickets? 1206 00:50:14,964 --> 00:50:17,706 No. No, no, no. No. 1207 00:50:18,534 --> 00:50:20,208 Yes. 1208 00:50:23,875 --> 00:50:25,218 Tatiana? 1209 00:50:26,144 --> 00:50:27,384 Tatiana? Whoa. 1210 00:50:28,212 --> 00:50:31,250 Sorry about that. Looking for my wedding date. 1211 00:50:31,816 --> 00:50:32,817 Tatiana? 1212 00:50:32,917 --> 00:50:34,055 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 1213 00:50:38,222 --> 00:50:39,257 Please leave, sir. 1214 00:50:39,423 --> 00:50:40,663 What are you doing to my sister? 1215 00:50:40,825 --> 00:50:43,362 - Mike, I'm coming. - No! 1216 00:50:53,871 --> 00:50:55,077 Get out! 1217 00:50:59,111 --> 00:51:02,525 Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. 1218 00:51:02,682 --> 00:51:04,525 So, are we, like, close, or... 1219 00:51:05,185 --> 00:51:08,156 Let's put the washing machine on spin cycle. There we go. 1220 00:51:08,455 --> 00:51:10,363 What the... Tatiana! 1221 00:51:10,523 --> 00:51:11,729 Terry! 1222 00:51:11,891 --> 00:51:13,234 Terry! 1223 00:51:13,393 --> 00:51:15,634 - Tatiana! - Shut the fuck up, Mike. 1224 00:51:18,198 --> 00:51:19,185 Whoa! 1225 00:51:19,265 --> 00:51:21,071 I'm gonna kick your ass. 1226 00:51:23,570 --> 00:51:24,981 He is losing this fight! 1227 00:51:27,307 --> 00:51:29,162 Oh, God! I can see your nipple! 1228 00:51:29,242 --> 00:51:30,243 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 1229 00:51:33,313 --> 00:51:35,317 Get your butt out of my face! 1230 00:51:39,487 --> 00:51:42,730 Well, thank you so much. 1231 00:51:43,258 --> 00:51:44,794 Um, I definitely needed this. 1232 00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,770 I know. Bring this gift into your marriage. 1233 00:51:48,330 --> 00:51:52,005 - All you need is load-bearing ribbons. - Okay. 1234 00:51:52,167 --> 00:51:54,656 - And a reinforced ceiling. - Oh. 1235 00:51:54,736 --> 00:51:56,010 I should warn you... 1236 00:51:56,137 --> 00:52:00,210 you may experience some aftershock orgasms. 1237 00:52:00,442 --> 00:52:01,648 Oh. 1238 00:52:01,810 --> 00:52:04,984 So, I wouldn't operate any heavy machinery for a couple weeks. 1239 00:52:05,146 --> 00:52:07,752 That is not a euphemism for penis. I mean like... 1240 00:52:07,916 --> 00:52:12,365 - tractors, cranes, big boats. - Okay. 1241 00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,193 Good to know. 1242 00:52:14,356 --> 00:52:16,700 - Oh, and please hydrate. - Okay. 1243 00:52:16,858 --> 00:52:20,933 I cannot stress this enough. The consequences could be... 1244 00:52:22,199 --> 00:52:23,644 You could develop cancer. 1245 00:52:25,168 --> 00:52:26,476 You have a very good friend. 1246 00:52:31,842 --> 00:52:34,322 Wait, you did that? 1247 00:52:34,678 --> 00:52:37,568 Yeah, well, I felt so bad about your fucked up face... 1248 00:52:37,648 --> 00:52:39,059 and I wanted to make it up to you. 1249 00:52:39,683 --> 00:52:41,026 Aw! Thank you. 1250 00:52:41,351 --> 00:52:44,195 Hey, who needs a bachelorette party when they have you around? 1251 00:52:45,555 --> 00:52:47,444 - He rubbed my butt. - Yeah? 1252 00:52:47,524 --> 00:52:49,299 But with his butt. 1253 00:52:49,459 --> 00:52:52,065 It was like... He was on ribbons. 1254 00:52:53,363 --> 00:52:54,952 I don't know what you did with Jeanie in the spa... 1255 00:52:55,032 --> 00:52:56,621 but she's in a great mood. 1256 00:52:56,701 --> 00:52:59,205 Yeah, no problem. She just needed a release. 1257 00:52:59,371 --> 00:53:01,715 Oh, um, I had an idea for your graphic novel. 1258 00:53:01,874 --> 00:53:04,129 I thought you could do like a Rum character, 1259 00:53:04,209 --> 00:53:05,711 who's like Rastafarian, and he's like... 1260 00:53:06,111 --> 00:53:10,281 "I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum, and I play the steel drum." 1261 00:53:10,816 --> 00:53:12,352 "You can rum, but you cannot hide, man." 1262 00:53:12,518 --> 00:53:15,021 Yeah, that's awesome. Already, that's so amazing. 1263 00:53:15,187 --> 00:53:17,497 No, that's such a good idea. How did I not figure that? 1264 00:53:19,525 --> 00:53:23,564 I think when I get back, I'm gonna stop selling liquor with Mike... 1265 00:53:23,729 --> 00:53:25,208 and start drawing full time. 1266 00:53:25,364 --> 00:53:26,843 - Really? - Yeah. 1267 00:53:26,999 --> 00:53:28,501 That's amazing. 1268 00:53:28,667 --> 00:53:30,874 Do you know how few people know what they really wanna do? 1269 00:53:31,036 --> 00:53:33,192 But then I think about what Mike's gonna think about it all... 1270 00:53:33,272 --> 00:53:35,252 and he's gonna hate that idea. 1271 00:53:35,408 --> 00:53:37,116 He's so clingy. 1272 00:53:37,278 --> 00:53:40,101 When we were kids, if I fell asleep before Mike... 1273 00:53:40,181 --> 00:53:42,252 he would always wake me up so he wouldn't feel alone. 1274 00:53:42,416 --> 00:53:44,259 - That's kinda sweet. - Yeah. 1275 00:53:44,418 --> 00:53:46,056 I don't know. I just... 1276 00:53:49,857 --> 00:53:51,234 Do you ever get that feeling... 1277 00:53:51,392 --> 00:53:54,896 that you're not good enough to get what you really want... 1278 00:53:55,062 --> 00:53:56,871 so you're too scared to try? 1279 00:53:58,599 --> 00:53:59,907 All the time. 1280 00:54:00,601 --> 00:54:03,377 - Really? - Like, all the time. It's terrifying. 1281 00:54:03,537 --> 00:54:05,414 - It is, it's terrifying. - Yeah. 1282 00:54:05,573 --> 00:54:06,574 You're, like, stuck. 1283 00:54:06,741 --> 00:54:08,379 - Totally. - Yeah. 1284 00:54:08,542 --> 00:54:10,044 Thanks. It's nice talking to you about this. 1285 00:54:23,426 --> 00:54:24,847 Hey. Where you going? 1286 00:54:24,927 --> 00:54:27,317 Is there a gang bang in the ballroom you need to emcee? 1287 00:54:27,397 --> 00:54:28,876 Don't be such a drama king. 1288 00:54:28,965 --> 00:54:30,672 Yeah, I'm totally overreacting. 1289 00:54:30,833 --> 00:54:32,141 When you invite someone to a wedding... 1290 00:54:32,301 --> 00:54:34,557 they obviously are supposed to finger diddle your family members. 1291 00:54:34,637 --> 00:54:35,638 That's common courtesy! 1292 00:54:35,805 --> 00:54:38,081 Okay, hold up. I am a grown-ass woman. 1293 00:54:38,274 --> 00:54:40,311 I can finger diddle whomever I want. 1294 00:54:40,443 --> 00:54:42,946 Just because you say "whomever" does not make it okay. 1295 00:54:43,112 --> 00:54:46,582 It's not a big deal. It's just like texting someone. 1296 00:54:46,816 --> 00:54:48,762 - Oh. - It's just like Tinder. 1297 00:54:48,918 --> 00:54:53,376 Swipe right, swipe right, swipe left. Swipe left, swipe right. 1298 00:54:53,456 --> 00:54:55,246 That's very graphic. That is... 1299 00:54:55,326 --> 00:54:58,466 Rotating your photos. Expanding them, contracting them. 1300 00:54:58,630 --> 00:55:01,167 Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? Is that what you're doing? 1301 00:55:01,332 --> 00:55:03,855 What? No! I was just trying to get RiRi tickets... 1302 00:55:03,935 --> 00:55:05,881 to make my best friend feel better, okay? 1303 00:55:06,037 --> 00:55:07,539 We're on vacay. 1304 00:55:09,607 --> 00:55:10,608 No... 1305 00:55:10,775 --> 00:55:14,484 You are invited to my sister's wedding. You're supposed to smile, nod... 1306 00:55:14,646 --> 00:55:15,852 and do what I want you to do. 1307 00:55:16,014 --> 00:55:17,015 That's the deal. 1308 00:55:17,649 --> 00:55:19,458 I thought that we had a connection. 1309 00:55:20,018 --> 00:55:21,019 Like a spark. 1310 00:55:21,186 --> 00:55:24,133 You thought you were gonna bring me here so that you could have sex with me. 1311 00:55:24,456 --> 00:55:26,911 Yes. No! What? Yeah, right. 1312 00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:27,992 Really? 1313 00:55:29,961 --> 00:55:31,668 Yes, obviously. 1314 00:55:31,830 --> 00:55:33,869 You are so hot. And you smell good. 1315 00:55:34,034 --> 00:55:35,809 It's not a weird thing that I wanna have sex with you... 1316 00:55:35,969 --> 00:55:37,915 because you are very sexy... 1317 00:55:38,071 --> 00:55:40,176 and you were leading me on, and we are in Hawaii... 1318 00:55:40,340 --> 00:55:42,217 which is a sexy place, and people have sex here. 1319 00:55:42,375 --> 00:55:44,685 God, dude, you built this all up in your head. 1320 00:55:44,845 --> 00:55:46,722 Alice and I just saw you on TV... 1321 00:55:46,913 --> 00:55:48,688 - wanted to go to Hawaii. - Hold up. 1322 00:55:49,716 --> 00:55:50,717 Fuck. 1323 00:55:50,884 --> 00:55:51,885 You saw us on TV? 1324 00:55:52,052 --> 00:55:54,454 No, I don't even watch Wendy Williams. 1325 00:55:59,326 --> 00:56:00,327 What? 1326 00:56:01,561 --> 00:56:03,097 - What? - Shh! 1327 00:56:03,196 --> 00:56:04,504 I thought you dug me. 1328 00:56:04,664 --> 00:56:05,938 Are you even a teacher? 1329 00:56:08,935 --> 00:56:09,936 No. 1330 00:56:10,103 --> 00:56:11,104 What about little Julio... 1331 00:56:11,271 --> 00:56:13,412 the dyslexic boy who you taught how to read? 1332 00:56:13,575 --> 00:56:15,953 Made it up. All of it. 1333 00:56:16,111 --> 00:56:18,387 Although I did have sex with this guy name Julio once... 1334 00:56:18,547 --> 00:56:20,049 and I'm pretty sure he couldn't read. 1335 00:56:21,016 --> 00:56:23,519 Here I thought you were Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds. 1336 00:56:23,685 --> 00:56:25,858 Turns out, you're Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarface. 1337 00:56:26,555 --> 00:56:27,966 And you didn't even 1338 00:56:28,123 --> 00:56:31,502 say hello to my little friend. 1339 00:56:36,064 --> 00:56:37,941 Oh, come on, man. 1340 00:56:38,967 --> 00:56:40,071 Mike. 1341 00:56:53,751 --> 00:56:55,560 I'm really sorry. Um... 1342 00:56:56,720 --> 00:56:58,757 I've been acting crazy. 1343 00:56:59,089 --> 00:57:01,712 It's probably about Luke, my ex. 1344 00:57:01,792 --> 00:57:04,966 Oh, yeah. The guy who died in the plane crash... 1345 00:57:05,629 --> 00:57:07,768 with cancer, and AIDS, and stuff. 1346 00:57:07,932 --> 00:57:09,639 Yeah, that's the one. 1347 00:57:10,301 --> 00:57:12,440 Except none of that stuff happened, 'cause, um... 1348 00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:17,828 I lied. 1349 00:57:17,908 --> 00:57:18,909 You lied? 1350 00:57:21,045 --> 00:57:22,133 I can't do this. 1351 00:57:22,213 --> 00:57:23,214 Wait. 1352 00:57:23,314 --> 00:57:24,349 Sorry. 1353 00:57:24,448 --> 00:57:27,104 - That's okay. That's okay. - Sorry everyone. 1354 00:57:27,184 --> 00:57:30,359 I just forgot my phone. Can I grab my phone? 1355 00:57:31,089 --> 00:57:33,831 Sorry, I still don't want to get married. 1356 00:57:35,995 --> 00:57:40,175 Oh, my gosh. That's almost as bad as the plane crash story. 1357 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,479 Why didn't you just tell me? 1358 00:57:44,470 --> 00:57:46,643 I didn't want you to think I was damaged goods. 1359 00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:49,615 I would never think that. 1360 00:57:50,443 --> 00:57:51,649 "Love hurts. 1361 00:57:52,645 --> 00:57:54,318 "Love scars. 1362 00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:58,292 "Love wounds, and mars." 1363 00:57:59,318 --> 00:58:03,494 That's from a really old song, for old people. 1364 00:58:04,790 --> 00:58:06,565 Why are you so nice? 1365 00:58:09,563 --> 00:58:11,510 'Cause I think you're nice. 1366 00:58:18,740 --> 00:58:19,741 David! 1367 00:58:20,642 --> 00:58:23,316 David, I need you here with me now. Come on. 1368 00:58:23,478 --> 00:58:24,718 No. No. 1369 00:58:25,146 --> 00:58:27,524 Stangles, assemble. Now! 1370 00:58:27,682 --> 00:58:29,389 - Let's go. - Is he okay? 1371 00:58:29,484 --> 00:58:30,471 Yeah, I think he's fine. 1372 00:58:30,551 --> 00:58:31,552 He's just got a lot on his mind. 1373 00:58:31,719 --> 00:58:32,740 Let's go! 1374 00:58:32,820 --> 00:58:35,090 Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez. 1375 00:58:37,225 --> 00:58:38,397 Oh... I... 1376 00:58:38,493 --> 00:58:40,404 You gave me a boost up. Okay. 1377 00:58:48,102 --> 00:58:49,583 A line has been drawn, David. 1378 00:58:49,839 --> 00:58:52,329 A clear line in the sand. 1379 00:58:52,409 --> 00:58:53,997 Is that why you brought me all the way down here... 1380 00:58:54,077 --> 00:58:56,199 so you could literally draw a line in the sand? 1381 00:58:56,279 --> 00:58:57,467 I'm a visual thinker, David. 1382 00:58:57,547 --> 00:58:58,855 - God damn it! - Son of a... 1383 00:59:00,150 --> 00:59:02,939 These girls, they've gotta go. 1384 00:59:03,019 --> 00:59:07,195 They pretended to dig us just to get a free trip to Hawaii. 1385 00:59:07,357 --> 00:59:08,631 They're liars! 1386 00:59:08,792 --> 00:59:10,863 So what, man? So they lied. 1387 00:59:11,294 --> 00:59:12,682 I was talking to Alice. 1388 00:59:12,762 --> 00:59:14,708 You have no idea what this girl's been through. 1389 00:59:14,864 --> 00:59:17,367 She needed this trip. We might have saved her life. 1390 00:59:17,734 --> 00:59:20,624 We should be practicing our speech for tonight. 1391 00:59:20,704 --> 00:59:23,116 Not babysitting the twins from The Shining. 1392 00:59:25,975 --> 00:59:27,454 Oh, my God. 1393 00:59:27,610 --> 00:59:28,955 Why are you laughing at me? 1394 00:59:29,281 --> 00:59:31,203 You sound like mom and dad when they're talking about us. 1395 00:59:31,283 --> 00:59:33,229 Well, no, fuck that noise. 1396 00:59:33,785 --> 00:59:35,374 Oh. Oh. Oh. 1397 00:59:35,454 --> 00:59:36,990 Guess what! You're gonna love this. 1398 00:59:37,155 --> 00:59:41,069 Tatiana was jerking off our cousin Terry. 1399 00:59:41,226 --> 00:59:42,881 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 1400 00:59:42,961 --> 00:59:44,099 Cousin Terry has a dick? 1401 00:59:44,429 --> 00:59:46,018 No, not "jerking off" jerking off. 1402 00:59:46,098 --> 00:59:48,271 The female version of jerking. 1403 00:59:48,433 --> 00:59:50,106 Dude, let's just chill out... 1404 00:59:50,268 --> 00:59:52,407 focus on Jeanie, and try not to be assholes... 1405 00:59:52,571 --> 00:59:53,892 for the rest of the weekend, okay? Can we do that? 1406 00:59:53,972 --> 00:59:55,610 I can't do that, David. 1407 00:59:56,007 --> 00:59:58,078 Because I saw our little sister... 1408 00:59:58,910 --> 00:59:59,911 What? 1409 01:00:00,812 --> 01:00:03,190 Well, let's just say she was making this face... 1410 01:00:05,584 --> 01:00:07,292 What? She saw a ghost? 1411 01:00:09,423 --> 01:00:10,834 She really had to pee? 1412 01:00:12,192 --> 01:00:13,193 Doing vocal warmups? 1413 01:00:14,061 --> 01:00:15,716 What are you doing? It looks like you're having an orgasm. 1414 01:00:15,796 --> 01:00:19,141 She was, David! With the masseuse. 1415 01:00:19,666 --> 01:00:21,009 - What! - Yes! 1416 01:00:21,201 --> 01:00:22,339 Oh, my God! 1417 01:00:22,469 --> 01:00:24,625 - She orgasms like a star. - No! 1418 01:00:24,705 --> 01:00:25,877 What's next? 1419 01:00:26,140 --> 01:00:30,611 I'm gonna walk in on mom giving dad a Push Pop? 1420 01:00:31,278 --> 01:00:32,313 What's a Push Pop? 1421 01:00:32,446 --> 01:00:35,791 I made it up, Dave. It's a sexual term that I just made up. 1422 01:00:35,949 --> 01:00:38,472 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know. 1423 01:00:38,552 --> 01:00:40,407 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know! 1424 01:00:40,487 --> 01:00:41,709 What's a Push Pop? 1425 01:00:41,789 --> 01:00:44,292 I've been to the bowels of the Internet, and I've never seen a Push Pop. 1426 01:00:44,458 --> 01:00:46,028 God, just tell me! What's a Push Pop? 1427 01:00:46,194 --> 01:00:48,141 It's a whole hand up an ass, David. 1428 01:00:48,297 --> 01:00:50,208 Is that what you want me to say? 1429 01:00:50,366 --> 01:00:53,745 - Oh, God! - Two hands pushin' the pop. 1430 01:00:53,836 --> 01:00:55,907 - Oh, God. - Is that what you want me to say? 1431 01:00:56,005 --> 01:00:57,541 I'll send you some links. 1432 01:01:16,926 --> 01:01:19,031 - We're at table two. - I'll be at the bar. 1433 01:01:19,195 --> 01:01:20,731 - I said table two. - I'll be at the bar! 1434 01:01:20,896 --> 01:01:22,068 You're out of control! 1435 01:01:22,898 --> 01:01:23,899 Thank you. 1436 01:01:25,034 --> 01:01:26,606 Trouble in paradise? 1437 01:01:30,775 --> 01:01:33,654 Freaking I don't care if I cause a scene. 1438 01:01:33,811 --> 01:01:37,759 Freaking I will punch you 17,000 times in the face. Freaking. 1439 01:01:37,915 --> 01:01:38,916 Take a shot. 1440 01:01:39,417 --> 01:01:41,988 You look like Don Johnson fucked Zack Morris. 1441 01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,599 Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty speech after my crazy dope one. 1442 01:01:45,756 --> 01:01:47,133 She's never gonna touch your baby bird again. 1443 01:01:48,827 --> 01:01:50,900 Thriller-Terry out! 1444 01:01:52,563 --> 01:01:54,065 So sad! 1445 01:01:54,232 --> 01:01:55,472 Oh, my God. It's a movie about cameras 1446 01:01:55,566 --> 01:01:56,840 just following you everywhere. 1447 01:01:57,068 --> 01:01:59,390 - Like The Truman Show. - Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show! 1448 01:01:59,470 --> 01:02:01,177 Hey, Dave! Dave! 1449 01:02:01,339 --> 01:02:02,579 Hey, what's up? 1450 01:02:02,740 --> 01:02:05,398 I need you to come backstage right now and practice the speech. 1451 01:02:05,478 --> 01:02:06,684 Uh... 1452 01:02:06,779 --> 01:02:08,850 Dude, I'm kind of talking to Alice right now. 1453 01:02:09,015 --> 01:02:10,756 Which is a conversation you've now interrupted twice. 1454 01:02:10,917 --> 01:02:12,123 Our speech needs to kill. 1455 01:02:12,285 --> 01:02:14,322 Terry got a punch up from Chris Rock. 1456 01:02:14,587 --> 01:02:17,033 I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want you to freak out. 1457 01:02:17,190 --> 01:02:18,191 I'm not freaking out. 1458 01:02:18,324 --> 01:02:19,667 Calm the fuck down, Dave! 1459 01:02:19,826 --> 01:02:20,964 You calm the fuck down! 1460 01:02:21,127 --> 01:02:22,902 Mike, you look like your face is gonna pop. 1461 01:02:23,129 --> 01:02:24,918 You gonna come or what? 1462 01:02:24,998 --> 01:02:26,386 Let's go. 1463 01:02:26,466 --> 01:02:28,339 I'll see you backstage. 1464 01:02:30,570 --> 01:02:31,591 Uh... 1465 01:02:31,671 --> 01:02:33,760 - I'm gonna go deal with this real quick. - Okay. 1466 01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:35,786 I'll just talk to myself for a while. All alone. 1467 01:02:39,045 --> 01:02:40,820 ...look on your stupid face! 1468 01:02:40,914 --> 01:02:42,402 What's wrong with me? 1469 01:02:42,482 --> 01:02:44,138 Don't fucking look at her. Turn around. 1470 01:02:44,218 --> 01:02:45,607 Everybody get the fuck out of here. 1471 01:02:45,687 --> 01:02:47,030 Fuck you, Luke. 1472 01:02:47,389 --> 01:02:50,160 I'm just gonna have a little lie down, okay? 1473 01:03:01,937 --> 01:03:03,109 Hi! 1474 01:03:03,271 --> 01:03:04,693 - Hi! - Hi! 1475 01:03:04,773 --> 01:03:06,895 Did you need to take a little breather, too? 1476 01:03:06,975 --> 01:03:08,477 No. Why? Are you? 1477 01:03:09,343 --> 01:03:10,665 Well... 1478 01:03:10,745 --> 01:03:14,102 You know, you think that every moment is going to feel... 1479 01:03:14,182 --> 01:03:16,471 warm and glowy... 1480 01:03:16,551 --> 01:03:18,373 and absolutely magical. 1481 01:03:18,453 --> 01:03:21,400 But, then, some stuff happens. 1482 01:03:22,390 --> 01:03:23,964 - Sure does. - Yeah. 1483 01:03:25,963 --> 01:03:29,172 Well, if you want warm, glowy and magical... 1484 01:03:30,033 --> 01:03:31,103 I have just the thing. 1485 01:03:31,735 --> 01:03:32,907 I don't leave home without it. 1486 01:03:35,739 --> 01:03:37,294 - Ecstasy. - Oh! 1487 01:03:37,374 --> 01:03:39,997 Every bride deserves to have a little fun the night before her wedding! 1488 01:03:40,077 --> 01:03:42,057 Yeah. I deserve to have a little fun. 1489 01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,021 You are so nice to me. 1490 01:03:45,248 --> 01:03:46,249 Aww. 1491 01:03:49,286 --> 01:03:50,942 This is gonna be so much fun! 1492 01:03:51,022 --> 01:03:53,957 - We should find something to suck on. - What? Oh. 1493 01:03:54,324 --> 01:03:56,664 - Mike! - Here. Put these on. 1494 01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:58,332 - We need headsets? - Yeah! 1495 01:03:58,695 --> 01:04:00,984 There's a lot of dancing in our speech, my man. Right? 1496 01:04:01,064 --> 01:04:02,253 Gotta go hands free. 1497 01:04:02,333 --> 01:04:03,889 This is how we do it, baby. 1498 01:04:03,969 --> 01:04:05,991 Come on. Hey, check this out. 1499 01:04:06,071 --> 01:04:08,127 I'm going to "wedding crash" cousin Terry. 1500 01:04:08,207 --> 01:04:09,261 What? 1501 01:04:09,341 --> 01:04:10,362 Put a few eye drops in her drink. 1502 01:04:10,442 --> 01:04:12,197 That way she shits all night, and can't do the speech. 1503 01:04:12,277 --> 01:04:13,449 Just like in the movie Wedding Crashers. 1504 01:04:13,646 --> 01:04:15,367 Mike, that is a terrible idea. 1505 01:04:15,447 --> 01:04:17,703 - You've seen the movie! - Of course I've seen the movie. 1506 01:04:17,783 --> 01:04:19,672 - You love that movie. - Everyone loves that movie. 1507 01:04:19,752 --> 01:04:21,173 How's it a bad idea if you love the movie? 1508 01:04:21,253 --> 01:04:23,208 I love Taken. I don't want to go steal little girls. 1509 01:04:23,288 --> 01:04:24,977 But we shouldn't wedding crash our own cousin. 1510 01:04:25,057 --> 01:04:26,278 I'm worried about you, man. 1511 01:04:26,358 --> 01:04:28,235 I'm really worried that you're losing your mind. 1512 01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:29,964 The look in your eyes right now... 1513 01:04:30,195 --> 01:04:32,151 You haven't blinked since we've started talking. 1514 01:04:32,231 --> 01:04:33,676 Oh, Davie, Davie, Davie! 1515 01:04:33,899 --> 01:04:34,969 What? 1516 01:04:35,367 --> 01:04:37,973 I've never been in more control in my entire life. 1517 01:04:41,224 --> 01:04:42,953 Mike! 1518 01:04:43,253 --> 01:04:44,408 Mike! 1519 01:04:44,508 --> 01:04:45,622 This is really intense. 1520 01:04:46,247 --> 01:04:47,868 Yeah, it's hitting me really hard. 1521 01:04:47,948 --> 01:04:49,825 This is good ecstasy. 1522 01:04:50,284 --> 01:04:52,093 I don't know. I wouldn't know. It's my first time. 1523 01:04:52,286 --> 01:04:53,674 - Wait, what? - What? 1524 01:04:53,754 --> 01:04:56,077 Why would you take ecstasy for the first time 1525 01:04:56,157 --> 01:04:57,578 on the night before your wedding? 1526 01:04:57,658 --> 01:04:58,659 What? 1527 01:04:58,759 --> 01:05:00,136 That is so baller! 1528 01:05:00,961 --> 01:05:02,838 Like a tiny blonde gangsta! 1529 01:05:02,963 --> 01:05:05,306 This little gangsta would kill for a motherfucking ginger ale! 1530 01:05:06,467 --> 01:05:07,537 - Do you wanna go? - Mmm-hmm. 1531 01:05:07,635 --> 01:05:09,090 Okay, let's go. 1532 01:05:09,170 --> 01:05:11,013 Hello, everyone. Please take your seats. 1533 01:05:11,405 --> 01:05:15,714 Welcome to the rehearsal dinner for my man, Eric... 1534 01:05:15,810 --> 01:05:18,154 and his bride-to-be, the lovely Jeanie. 1535 01:05:18,245 --> 01:05:21,160 They're two of the sweetest, best people I ever met. 1536 01:05:21,284 --> 01:05:23,560 All right. Our first speaker tonight... 1537 01:05:23,653 --> 01:05:25,441 is resident nasty girl... 1538 01:05:25,521 --> 01:05:27,659 Cousin Terry. 1539 01:05:28,057 --> 01:05:29,593 We can't let Terry crush. 1540 01:05:29,892 --> 01:05:30,947 It's not fair! 1541 01:05:31,027 --> 01:05:32,233 No. Give it to me. 1542 01:05:32,328 --> 01:05:34,035 My eyes are dry. Just give it to me. 1543 01:05:34,430 --> 01:05:36,034 Do you guys know who Chris Rock is? 1544 01:05:36,599 --> 01:05:39,637 He's my neighbor, and he helped me out with a little something I like to call... 1545 01:05:39,902 --> 01:05:41,257 "My speech." 1546 01:05:41,337 --> 01:05:43,960 Stop. You're wasting it. You're wasting the poison. 1547 01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:45,161 Mike, this is baby safe. 1548 01:05:45,241 --> 01:05:48,197 They removed the active ingredient, Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago! 1549 01:05:48,277 --> 01:05:49,499 It worked on Wedding Crashers! 1550 01:05:49,579 --> 01:05:51,100 That was not real life! 1551 01:05:51,180 --> 01:05:53,786 Now let's talk about destination weddings! 1552 01:05:54,450 --> 01:05:55,905 It's like a vacation... 1553 01:05:55,985 --> 01:05:57,828 without the relaxation! 1554 01:05:59,523 --> 01:06:00,679 That's true. 1555 01:06:00,759 --> 01:06:01,760 Why aren't you on my side, Dave? 1556 01:06:02,193 --> 01:06:03,214 What? 1557 01:06:03,294 --> 01:06:05,706 I'm done with this shit, man. I'm not doing our stupid speech. 1558 01:06:05,930 --> 01:06:08,119 In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. 1559 01:06:08,199 --> 01:06:09,303 There it is! 1560 01:06:09,534 --> 01:06:10,604 - Really? - Yeah. 1561 01:06:10,702 --> 01:06:11,806 And what are you gonna do? 1562 01:06:11,936 --> 01:06:13,291 I'm gonna draw! 1563 01:06:13,371 --> 01:06:16,494 I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent. 1564 01:06:16,574 --> 01:06:17,644 Boom! 1565 01:06:17,842 --> 01:06:18,863 You traitor! 1566 01:06:18,943 --> 01:06:19,978 I ain't gotta rehearse! 1567 01:06:20,512 --> 01:06:23,320 I know how to eat dinner. 1568 01:06:25,483 --> 01:06:26,518 Keith, can you turn me up a little bit? 1569 01:06:27,418 --> 01:06:30,430 You turn your back on me when everyone else does. 1570 01:06:30,655 --> 01:06:33,663 Backstabbing, treacherous lying coward! 1571 01:06:33,892 --> 01:06:35,146 Ooh, I don't think they know they're on. 1572 01:06:35,226 --> 01:06:36,637 What? Where is that coming from? 1573 01:06:36,995 --> 01:06:38,235 I don't know what I did! 1574 01:06:38,329 --> 01:06:39,653 It doesn't matter, Mike. 1575 01:06:39,733 --> 01:06:41,144 You're losing your mind. 1576 01:06:41,334 --> 01:06:43,280 You just tried to poison our cousin Terry! 1577 01:06:44,638 --> 01:06:45,859 Try a little harder. Am I right? 1578 01:06:45,939 --> 01:06:47,094 You're goddamn right I did. 1579 01:06:47,174 --> 01:06:50,212 Because I wanted her to shit hot brown poop all over that stage. 1580 01:06:51,111 --> 01:06:52,466 That is unacceptable. 1581 01:06:52,546 --> 01:06:54,401 The mics are on, boys. 1582 01:06:54,481 --> 01:06:57,370 I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe. 1583 01:06:57,450 --> 01:06:58,638 The mics are on! 1584 01:06:58,718 --> 01:07:01,790 You're just fucking pissed off because Tatiana finger diddled Terry. 1585 01:07:03,122 --> 01:07:04,663 There it is! 1586 01:07:04,925 --> 01:07:06,795 It was for tickets to Rihanna. 1587 01:07:06,927 --> 01:07:08,838 You're sad, man. You are sad. 1588 01:07:09,229 --> 01:07:11,835 I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids. 1589 01:07:16,403 --> 01:07:17,678 - Oh! - My God! 1590 01:07:19,908 --> 01:07:21,163 - Do you wanna go? - Don't do it! 1591 01:07:21,243 --> 01:07:22,464 These are coming your way. 1592 01:07:22,544 --> 01:07:23,879 Just stop! 1593 01:07:24,713 --> 01:07:26,386 God! That had to hurt. 1594 01:07:26,715 --> 01:07:28,023 Don't do it again. 1595 01:07:28,483 --> 01:07:29,484 Oh! 1596 01:07:31,753 --> 01:07:32,975 Why do you keep punching me? 1597 01:07:33,055 --> 01:07:34,466 Why do you keep rushing at me? 1598 01:07:34,623 --> 01:07:35,795 Get him, Dave. 1599 01:07:35,891 --> 01:07:37,012 Oops, who said that? 1600 01:07:37,092 --> 01:07:38,730 This wedding is going to hell! 1601 01:07:38,827 --> 01:07:39,982 Yes. 1602 01:07:40,062 --> 01:07:42,167 They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots. 1603 01:07:42,731 --> 01:07:44,904 And they don't realize the bride... 1604 01:07:45,067 --> 01:07:46,989 is getting off at massage parlors... 1605 01:07:47,069 --> 01:07:49,378 like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran. 1606 01:07:50,939 --> 01:07:53,462 I think they misunderstood what happened. I think they just misunderstood. 1607 01:07:53,542 --> 01:07:55,664 I walked in and saw little Jeanie... 1608 01:07:55,744 --> 01:07:57,534 the bride-to-be, orgasming. 1609 01:07:57,615 --> 01:08:00,004 The masseuse got her off. 1610 01:08:00,084 --> 01:08:01,438 God damn it! 1611 01:08:01,518 --> 01:08:02,588 Jeanie! 1612 01:08:03,020 --> 01:08:04,021 I hate you! 1613 01:08:18,102 --> 01:08:19,911 The rehearsal dinner is over. 1614 01:08:20,604 --> 01:08:23,608 Drinks by the pool, everybody. Drinks by the pool. 1615 01:08:27,244 --> 01:08:29,781 Everything feels so good, right? 1616 01:08:29,914 --> 01:08:30,915 Yep. 1617 01:08:31,315 --> 01:08:32,837 You know what I've been thinking about a lot? 1618 01:08:32,917 --> 01:08:33,987 Tell me. 1619 01:08:34,084 --> 01:08:36,007 Eric is so sweet and sensitive. 1620 01:08:36,087 --> 01:08:38,110 Kind, good, fiancé. 1621 01:08:38,190 --> 01:08:39,726 Probably great husband and stuff, but... 1622 01:08:40,826 --> 01:08:42,615 Do you think Eric is boring? 1623 01:08:42,695 --> 01:08:43,749 Boring? 1624 01:08:43,829 --> 01:08:45,001 Like for my honeymoon... 1625 01:08:45,431 --> 01:08:47,553 all I wanted to do was go on a hot air balloon... 1626 01:08:47,633 --> 01:08:49,408 to different countries around the world. 1627 01:08:49,568 --> 01:08:51,757 And just be surrounded by wicker. 1628 01:08:51,837 --> 01:08:53,326 We could have wicker picnic baskets... 1629 01:08:53,406 --> 01:08:55,943 and I could make picnic hats out of wicker. 1630 01:08:56,175 --> 01:08:58,164 We would be wearing matching Chuck Taylors. 1631 01:08:58,244 --> 01:09:00,087 - And he vetoed it. - Oh! 1632 01:09:00,513 --> 01:09:02,891 Because he wants to go to a resort, and just... 1633 01:09:04,984 --> 01:09:06,539 - ...perch. - What? 1634 01:09:06,619 --> 01:09:07,707 I am a young woman... 1635 01:09:07,787 --> 01:09:10,042 - Preach! - There is so much for me to see. 1636 01:09:10,122 --> 01:09:12,432 - Yes. - I haven't even been to Burning Man. 1637 01:09:12,892 --> 01:09:15,099 I don't even know what Amsterdam is like. 1638 01:09:15,629 --> 01:09:17,200 I haven't been to Seattle. 1639 01:09:17,332 --> 01:09:18,586 You've never been to Seattle? 1640 01:09:18,666 --> 01:09:19,687 No! 1641 01:09:19,767 --> 01:09:22,145 - Seattle's gonna change your fucking life! - Really? 1642 01:09:22,236 --> 01:09:23,458 You need to get out of this cage! 1643 01:09:23,538 --> 01:09:24,592 I am in a cage... 1644 01:09:24,672 --> 01:09:27,152 just like these horses are caged. 1645 01:09:27,342 --> 01:09:29,219 Just let them out. 1646 01:09:29,410 --> 01:09:30,411 Huh? 1647 01:09:31,879 --> 01:09:32,983 Let them all out. 1648 01:09:39,387 --> 01:09:42,010 Be free! No one can hold you down! 1649 01:09:42,090 --> 01:09:45,230 Be free, my friends! Follow your dreams! 1650 01:10:10,820 --> 01:10:12,060 Here to pile on? 1651 01:10:12,422 --> 01:10:13,423 Go ahead. 1652 01:10:13,523 --> 01:10:14,811 Any insult you can think of... 1653 01:10:14,891 --> 01:10:16,393 I've probably told myself a million times. 1654 01:10:16,526 --> 01:10:18,199 Why were you trying to poison your cousin? 1655 01:10:20,397 --> 01:10:25,622 I was jealous of the whole steam room incident. 1656 01:10:25,702 --> 01:10:28,512 That is some crazy shit. That's like something I would do. 1657 01:10:28,738 --> 01:10:30,360 This one time in high school... 1658 01:10:30,440 --> 01:10:31,928 this bitch tried to hit on my boyfriend... 1659 01:10:32,008 --> 01:10:33,597 and I cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping... 1660 01:10:33,677 --> 01:10:35,133 and I wore it to school for a month. 1661 01:10:35,213 --> 01:10:36,335 What the fuck? 1662 01:10:36,415 --> 01:10:37,951 But you tried to poison your cousin. 1663 01:10:51,430 --> 01:10:54,411 Look. I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, okay? 1664 01:10:54,633 --> 01:10:58,342 I honestly think it's because you're so much like me. 1665 01:10:58,570 --> 01:11:00,525 You act all confident... 1666 01:11:00,605 --> 01:11:03,609 but, inside, you're scared of everything. 1667 01:11:03,842 --> 01:11:05,549 You act like you don't care what people think... 1668 01:11:05,644 --> 01:11:07,214 but you really care what people think. 1669 01:11:07,312 --> 01:11:08,533 And you try to act so smart... 1670 01:11:08,613 --> 01:11:10,235 but sometimes... 1671 01:11:10,315 --> 01:11:13,526 you're just afraid you're the dumbest person in the world. 1672 01:11:16,290 --> 01:11:17,894 I'm so dumb. 1673 01:11:18,392 --> 01:11:21,862 I'm constantly saying words that I don't know the meaning of. 1674 01:11:22,529 --> 01:11:24,873 Like, I use this word, "assuage"... 1675 01:11:25,132 --> 01:11:26,509 all the time. 1676 01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:28,746 Can you assuage me the ketchup? 1677 01:11:28,869 --> 01:11:30,780 Can I assuage you a few questions? 1678 01:11:30,971 --> 01:11:33,781 - Is that the meaning of it? - I don't know. 1679 01:11:33,874 --> 01:11:35,329 But it's like, I'm so stupid... 1680 01:11:35,409 --> 01:11:37,664 but I act all confident, so people listen to me. 1681 01:11:37,744 --> 01:11:38,814 And it's fucked up. 1682 01:11:39,012 --> 01:11:40,923 Me, too. I'm a natural born leader. 1683 01:11:41,148 --> 01:11:42,903 Like George Washington. 1684 01:11:42,983 --> 01:11:44,071 Yeah. 1685 01:11:44,151 --> 01:11:45,391 Or another leader. 1686 01:11:52,962 --> 01:11:54,350 All right, here's one. 1687 01:11:54,430 --> 01:11:56,501 But I'm about to get super real with you. Okay? 1688 01:11:57,967 --> 01:12:01,608 I thought I was destined for such great things... 1689 01:12:01,704 --> 01:12:04,378 but I may never achieve anything. 1690 01:12:07,910 --> 01:12:09,150 Sister. 1691 01:12:10,513 --> 01:12:12,424 Have you been reading my diary? 1692 01:12:21,490 --> 01:12:22,525 Yes. 1693 01:12:23,492 --> 01:12:24,596 Okay. 1694 01:12:37,074 --> 01:12:38,362 You are beautiful! 1695 01:12:38,442 --> 01:12:39,819 On to Seattle! 1696 01:12:39,977 --> 01:12:41,081 Alice? 1697 01:12:42,113 --> 01:12:43,114 Am I glowing? 1698 01:12:43,381 --> 01:12:45,454 I can see sounds and hear colors. 1699 01:12:45,549 --> 01:12:46,887 Be free! 1700 01:12:47,051 --> 01:12:48,655 What the fuck are the horses doing out? 1701 01:12:49,587 --> 01:12:50,998 Who the fuck are you guys? 1702 01:12:51,255 --> 01:12:52,461 Fucking gypsies! 1703 01:12:52,623 --> 01:12:54,762 Francisco! Francisco, run! 1704 01:12:55,159 --> 01:12:57,105 Whoa! Shit! 1705 01:12:59,931 --> 01:13:00,985 Hey. 1706 01:13:01,065 --> 01:13:02,635 Dave! Hi. 1707 01:13:04,268 --> 01:13:05,590 What's up? What's up with you? 1708 01:13:05,670 --> 01:13:07,946 - What's going on? Are you okay? - Me? 1709 01:13:08,105 --> 01:13:10,245 Yeah. I'm fine. 1710 01:13:12,011 --> 01:13:13,456 Oh. Yeah. Well... 1711 01:13:14,013 --> 01:13:15,788 Yeah. See, what happened was that... 1712 01:13:15,949 --> 01:13:18,271 there was a tsunami, and it took away our clothes... 1713 01:13:18,351 --> 01:13:19,572 but it brought these horses. 1714 01:13:19,652 --> 01:13:20,640 What? 1715 01:13:20,720 --> 01:13:22,942 And then, we wanted to get naked because of Lady Godiva... 1716 01:13:23,022 --> 01:13:24,797 but then horses can't eat chocolate. 1717 01:13:24,958 --> 01:13:26,938 They could have an aneurysm. 1718 01:13:27,093 --> 01:13:28,299 Where's Jeanie? 1719 01:13:28,394 --> 01:13:29,749 Hey, don't yell at her just because she's the one... 1720 01:13:29,829 --> 01:13:31,417 - that told me to go to Seattle. - Holy shit! 1721 01:13:31,497 --> 01:13:33,153 - I've always wanted to go! - Oh, my God! 1722 01:13:33,233 --> 01:13:35,021 That is not her fault. 1723 01:13:35,101 --> 01:13:36,546 - Oh, my eyes! - What's the matter? 1724 01:13:36,703 --> 01:13:38,291 Stop yelling. Why are you yelling? David, stop yelling. 1725 01:13:38,371 --> 01:13:40,009 You're being loud. And this a happy time. 1726 01:13:40,173 --> 01:13:41,516 This a really good time. 1727 01:13:41,674 --> 01:13:42,829 There's nothing wrong. So who's at fault? 1728 01:13:42,909 --> 01:13:45,287 Did you know that Hitler's parents were second cousins? 1729 01:13:45,478 --> 01:13:47,014 - Do you have any water? - Put your clothes on! 1730 01:13:47,180 --> 01:13:50,389 I'm a woman, Dave. Deal with it. 1731 01:13:50,619 --> 01:13:54,328 Because this is the bush that you came out of. 1732 01:13:54,489 --> 01:13:55,832 I didn't come from that bush. 1733 01:13:55,991 --> 01:13:57,698 I came from Mom's bush. And you know that. 1734 01:13:57,859 --> 01:13:59,304 Jeanie! Oh, my God! 1735 01:13:59,794 --> 01:14:01,171 You're completely naked! 1736 01:14:01,329 --> 01:14:03,673 - Hi, Becky! - God, your bush is huge. 1737 01:14:03,832 --> 01:14:05,539 - You look tall. - No, ma'am. 1738 01:14:05,700 --> 01:14:08,112 I told you to stay away from these bitches. 1739 01:14:08,370 --> 01:14:10,509 Alice, seriously, are you tripping? 1740 01:14:10,672 --> 01:14:11,660 No. God, no. 1741 01:14:11,740 --> 01:14:13,913 Why would say that? Just because everything feels really soft? 1742 01:14:14,209 --> 01:14:15,813 Please. Just tell me the truth. 1743 01:14:15,977 --> 01:14:17,047 Are you on drugs? 1744 01:14:17,879 --> 01:14:19,324 We're super fucked up. Yeah. 1745 01:14:19,481 --> 01:14:20,502 What? 1746 01:14:20,582 --> 01:14:22,994 We started with ecstasy, but then I went into my mystery bags. 1747 01:14:23,151 --> 01:14:24,528 Why the fuck would you do that? 1748 01:14:24,686 --> 01:14:25,907 Don't you judge me, David. 1749 01:14:25,987 --> 01:14:27,742 I don't think you're supposed to go into the mystery bag... 1750 01:14:27,822 --> 01:14:28,893 the night before the wedding. 1751 01:14:29,059 --> 01:14:31,198 We brought you here because we thought you were nice girls. 1752 01:14:31,361 --> 01:14:33,204 But Mike was right about you two. 1753 01:14:33,363 --> 01:14:35,604 This whole wedding weekend is just going to shit! 1754 01:14:35,766 --> 01:14:37,575 Dave, I'll be honest with you. 1755 01:14:37,734 --> 01:14:38,872 I need some clothes. 1756 01:14:39,903 --> 01:14:41,382 I can't continue to wear this horse. 1757 01:14:41,538 --> 01:14:43,074 Oh, my God. 1758 01:14:43,607 --> 01:14:44,915 Oh, the wind feels so nice. 1759 01:14:45,075 --> 01:14:46,949 Come on, come on, come on. 1760 01:14:48,311 --> 01:14:52,202 We should go in the ocean. I'm so thirsty! Dave, we should get in the ocean. 1761 01:14:52,282 --> 01:14:55,439 Please, please, please, just be quiet. 1762 01:14:55,519 --> 01:14:57,007 I love this song. 1763 01:14:57,087 --> 01:14:58,430 There's no music playing. 1764 01:14:59,556 --> 01:15:00,557 Baby, wait. 1765 01:15:00,724 --> 01:15:02,635 Don't worry. Only our butts touched. 1766 01:15:02,793 --> 01:15:04,739 Stop it. Don't freak out anymore, Pumpkin! 1767 01:15:04,895 --> 01:15:06,932 Don't freak out? Don't freak out? 1768 01:15:07,130 --> 01:15:08,475 Tell me one thing. 1769 01:15:08,701 --> 01:15:09,907 Did you enjoy it? 1770 01:15:10,469 --> 01:15:12,073 No. 1771 01:15:13,038 --> 01:15:14,426 That is such a "yes" no. 1772 01:15:14,506 --> 01:15:15,561 No. 1773 01:15:15,641 --> 01:15:18,030 I'm gonna ask you again. Did you enjoy it? 1774 01:15:18,110 --> 01:15:19,098 Yes! Oh. 1775 01:15:19,178 --> 01:15:20,213 Well... 1776 01:15:20,479 --> 01:15:22,049 Cat's out of the frigging bag, isn't it? 1777 01:15:22,214 --> 01:15:24,125 I went for a normal massage... 1778 01:15:24,283 --> 01:15:26,320 but Alice, she had asked for a little special treat. 1779 01:15:26,485 --> 01:15:28,396 And then it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and... 1780 01:15:28,554 --> 01:15:30,659 Who are these fucking girls your brothers brought to this wedding? 1781 01:15:31,090 --> 01:15:33,627 You are clearly on drugs. 1782 01:15:33,792 --> 01:15:35,271 And we're getting married tomorrow! 1783 01:15:36,095 --> 01:15:37,938 I'm scared, Pumpkin. 1784 01:15:38,097 --> 01:15:39,337 Aren't you scared? 1785 01:15:39,498 --> 01:15:41,307 Well, yeah, now I am. 1786 01:15:41,834 --> 01:15:43,142 It's just that... 1787 01:15:43,836 --> 01:15:48,287 I'm just a little worried that you are... 1788 01:15:49,810 --> 01:15:50,811 boring. 1789 01:15:52,346 --> 01:15:53,689 What are you saying? 1790 01:15:53,848 --> 01:15:55,054 You don't want to marry me? 1791 01:16:05,926 --> 01:16:07,200 Well... 1792 01:16:07,361 --> 01:16:08,965 No, she doesn't mean that. She's just confused... 1793 01:16:09,130 --> 01:16:10,370 because she's just rolling super hard right now. 1794 01:16:10,531 --> 01:16:11,635 You rolled her! 1795 01:16:11,799 --> 01:16:13,870 - You're the roller! - I'm so sorry. 1796 01:16:14,034 --> 01:16:16,446 I was gonna draw Rum for you. But not anymore. 1797 01:16:16,604 --> 01:16:18,584 Everything is not irie, man! 1798 01:16:21,008 --> 01:16:23,614 You've made me so, so sad. 1799 01:16:26,181 --> 01:16:27,559 But a little bit mad. 1800 01:16:28,317 --> 01:16:29,728 But mostly just sad. 1801 01:16:30,720 --> 01:16:31,721 Oh! 1802 01:16:33,689 --> 01:16:34,997 - Dad! - Don't! 1803 01:16:35,158 --> 01:16:36,569 Mike, for once in your life... 1804 01:16:36,726 --> 01:16:39,707 please don't say a fucking word. 1805 01:17:04,153 --> 01:17:05,930 I hate them sometimes. 1806 01:17:06,090 --> 01:17:07,345 Fucking love them and they're dicks. 1807 01:17:07,425 --> 01:17:09,166 Sometimes I love them, sometimes I hate them. 1808 01:17:17,235 --> 01:17:18,236 Everything okay over there? 1809 01:17:18,403 --> 01:17:20,815 I can't find my other sock. It's pissing me off. 1810 01:17:23,708 --> 01:17:25,449 Did you take my sock, bro? 1811 01:17:25,610 --> 01:17:26,680 No. 1812 01:17:27,178 --> 01:17:29,556 I think you took my fucking sock, bro. 1813 01:17:31,182 --> 01:17:32,252 God damn it. 1814 01:17:32,383 --> 01:17:34,488 I can't believe Jeanie and Eric aren't getting married... 1815 01:17:34,619 --> 01:17:36,428 and it's all our fault. 1816 01:17:37,088 --> 01:17:40,069 It's slightly our fault. 1817 01:17:41,025 --> 01:17:42,971 It's totally our fault. Fuck. 1818 01:17:43,127 --> 01:17:45,473 We got selfish. We got distracted. 1819 01:17:47,067 --> 01:17:49,877 I don't think we were #DoingltForJeanie at all. 1820 01:17:50,036 --> 01:17:51,913 We weren't #DoingltForJeanie. 1821 01:17:52,072 --> 01:17:54,916 Our fucking little sister. Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie. 1822 01:17:55,575 --> 01:17:57,452 She is Stanglita. 1823 01:17:57,611 --> 01:18:00,387 The one little girl we used to let into our Stang Hangs. 1824 01:18:00,547 --> 01:18:01,535 The Stangle Dangle. 1825 01:18:01,615 --> 01:18:03,151 The smallest plane in the Stangar. 1826 01:18:03,316 --> 01:18:04,454 Don't do it, dude. 1827 01:18:04,618 --> 01:18:05,926 We're supposed to be her protector. 1828 01:18:06,086 --> 01:18:07,622 Don't you cry. 1829 01:18:07,787 --> 01:18:08,788 We're supposed to look out for her. 1830 01:18:08,955 --> 01:18:10,127 Stop it. 1831 01:18:10,290 --> 01:18:13,237 We're supposed to be the two dudes that have her back no matter what. 1832 01:18:13,393 --> 01:18:14,838 If you start, I'm gonna start. 1833 01:18:14,995 --> 01:18:17,271 We broke up her marriage. 1834 01:18:20,066 --> 01:18:22,979 Of course I'm fucking doing it, man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding. 1835 01:18:23,136 --> 01:18:24,583 I'm doing it, too. 1836 01:18:25,140 --> 01:18:26,317 I hate it. 1837 01:18:39,187 --> 01:18:41,810 Oh, man, we fucked up this wedding. 1838 01:18:41,890 --> 01:18:42,891 Yeah. 1839 01:18:43,058 --> 01:18:45,231 We fucked it in the dick. 1840 01:18:46,562 --> 01:18:48,217 You know I don't like it when you say that. That's just... 1841 01:18:48,297 --> 01:18:51,005 I know, but we fucked it so hard. Fuck. 1842 01:18:51,099 --> 01:18:54,256 I think the reason we get ourselves into so much shit is... 1843 01:18:54,336 --> 01:18:56,407 we're always telling each other we're so awesome... 1844 01:18:56,672 --> 01:18:59,676 when we're definitely not being awesome. 1845 01:18:59,841 --> 01:19:01,149 That's deep. 1846 01:19:01,310 --> 01:19:03,121 Yeah, you know what? Um... 1847 01:19:04,715 --> 01:19:06,558 I wanted you to feel better... 1848 01:19:06,717 --> 01:19:08,890 and get your groove back... 1849 01:19:09,053 --> 01:19:12,193 but not all the way better to where... 1850 01:19:13,624 --> 01:19:15,626 you wouldn't need me anymore. 1851 01:19:15,793 --> 01:19:18,706 Because if you don't need me... 1852 01:19:20,197 --> 01:19:22,871 then nobody needs me, and, um... 1853 01:19:23,534 --> 01:19:26,811 Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry. 1854 01:19:27,471 --> 01:19:29,417 Dude, we're always gonna need each other. 1855 01:19:30,040 --> 01:19:31,041 Okay. 1856 01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:35,351 Okay, here's the thing. I don't wanna stop being us. 1857 01:19:35,512 --> 01:19:37,583 But I think occasionally... 1858 01:19:37,748 --> 01:19:41,993 we should think about how we make other people feel. 1859 01:19:44,290 --> 01:19:45,278 Like Jeanie? 1860 01:19:45,358 --> 01:19:46,564 Yeah, like Jeanie. 1861 01:19:47,026 --> 01:19:48,733 - Oof. - Or like Eric. 1862 01:19:49,195 --> 01:19:50,230 Oh, fuck. 1863 01:19:50,396 --> 01:19:52,034 This feels fucking terrible. 1864 01:19:52,198 --> 01:19:54,405 This does not feel good. 1865 01:19:54,600 --> 01:19:57,342 Like, Dave's so special and... 1866 01:19:58,070 --> 01:20:00,448 He must be so mad at me. 1867 01:20:00,873 --> 01:20:01,943 Poor Mike. 1868 01:20:02,108 --> 01:20:05,453 He's less special, but I played him so hard. 1869 01:20:05,611 --> 01:20:07,056 They must be so mad at us! 1870 01:20:07,213 --> 01:20:09,420 They must hate us. Fuck! I would hate us. 1871 01:20:09,582 --> 01:20:11,391 I would fucking hate us! 1872 01:20:11,550 --> 01:20:13,894 I hate us, man. I hate us! 1873 01:20:14,053 --> 01:20:15,191 I hate us, too! 1874 01:20:15,354 --> 01:20:17,061 But you're the best, dude. I love you. 1875 01:20:17,223 --> 01:20:19,567 Don't lump yourself in with me. 1876 01:20:19,725 --> 01:20:21,205 I'm like a little troll... 1877 01:20:21,362 --> 01:20:24,138 who lives on nothing but river water and squirrel meats. 1878 01:20:24,298 --> 01:20:26,710 Your drawing? I could never do anything like that. 1879 01:20:26,868 --> 01:20:29,057 - So go. You go right now. - What? 1880 01:20:29,137 --> 01:20:30,191 Go! 1881 01:20:30,271 --> 01:20:33,650 Don't let your loser older brother hold you back. 1882 01:20:37,111 --> 01:20:38,454 You are not a loser. 1883 01:20:39,280 --> 01:20:40,782 Thanks, Dave. 1884 01:20:40,948 --> 01:20:42,450 Dude, you introduced me to the Ninja Turtles. 1885 01:20:42,617 --> 01:20:44,460 Taught me Donatello was a pussy. 1886 01:20:44,619 --> 01:20:46,496 That Raphael was actually dope... 1887 01:20:46,654 --> 01:20:48,634 because he didn't give a fuck what people thought. 1888 01:20:48,790 --> 01:20:50,064 He's cool, but rude. 1889 01:20:50,224 --> 01:20:51,464 Exactly. 1890 01:20:51,559 --> 01:20:53,664 When all those kids kicked at me and they called me "Moist"... 1891 01:20:53,761 --> 01:20:56,640 you stopped eating muffins at the school lunch for a year. 1892 01:20:56,798 --> 01:20:58,471 They were too moist. 1893 01:20:59,600 --> 01:21:01,513 Made you an easy target. 1894 01:21:01,671 --> 01:21:05,175 You're my brother. And I love you. 1895 01:21:05,341 --> 01:21:06,911 Heroes in a half shell. 1896 01:21:07,077 --> 01:21:08,181 Turtle power. 1897 01:21:13,249 --> 01:21:15,456 We're not going anywhere... 1898 01:21:15,618 --> 01:21:19,293 until our little sister, Jeanie Beanie Weanie... 1899 01:21:19,456 --> 01:21:21,163 is getting married. 1900 01:21:26,863 --> 01:21:28,103 You just killed the TV. 1901 01:21:28,631 --> 01:21:30,372 I was aiming for it. 1902 01:21:32,836 --> 01:21:35,646 We are such idiots. We are so stupid. 1903 01:21:35,805 --> 01:21:37,307 We ruined your whole wedding... 1904 01:21:37,474 --> 01:21:39,182 and we finally just realized that. 1905 01:21:39,343 --> 01:21:41,324 All right. Please just stop talking, okay? 1906 01:21:41,480 --> 01:21:44,654 Not another word. My head hurts so bad. 1907 01:21:44,816 --> 01:21:46,022 Jeanie, Eric. 1908 01:21:46,184 --> 01:21:48,892 We can't let you not get married just because we fucked everything up. 1909 01:21:49,054 --> 01:21:50,192 We love you so much, Jeanie. 1910 01:21:50,288 --> 01:21:52,359 We love you, Eric. We just want you guys to love each other. 1911 01:21:52,457 --> 01:21:53,958 - Just love each other. - That's it. 1912 01:21:55,527 --> 01:21:56,801 Jeanie, Eric. 1913 01:21:56,962 --> 01:21:58,464 We can't let you not get married. 1914 01:21:58,630 --> 01:22:00,234 Yeah. Just because we fucked everything up? 1915 01:22:00,398 --> 01:22:01,843 I mean, we want you guys to love each other. 1916 01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:03,001 Love each other. 1917 01:22:04,169 --> 01:22:07,048 Okay. This is bizarre, because we literally did that... 1918 01:22:07,205 --> 01:22:08,582 ...exact same thing. 1919 01:22:08,740 --> 01:22:10,378 We're even doing this hand motion. 1920 01:22:10,542 --> 01:22:11,714 Yeah, all that was ours. 1921 01:22:11,877 --> 01:22:13,914 The point is, this shit is all our fault. 1922 01:22:14,079 --> 01:22:15,717 No, it's our fault. 1923 01:22:15,881 --> 01:22:17,554 No, it's definitely our fault. 1924 01:22:17,716 --> 01:22:18,822 It is our fault for sure. 1925 01:22:18,986 --> 01:22:19,987 No, no, no. For real. 1926 01:22:20,154 --> 01:22:21,599 If anything, it's my fault. 1927 01:22:23,323 --> 01:22:24,927 Shh! Please stop. 1928 01:22:27,194 --> 01:22:31,301 Everyone shut the fuck up! 1929 01:22:31,965 --> 01:22:34,309 Jesus Hussein Christ. 1930 01:22:34,468 --> 01:22:36,414 God damn it! 1931 01:22:36,537 --> 01:22:38,813 Been trying to read this same paragraph... 1932 01:22:39,039 --> 01:22:40,327 for 20 minutes. 1933 01:22:40,407 --> 01:22:44,947 But you four fucking morons keep on fucking with my shit. 1934 01:22:45,646 --> 01:22:47,267 We've only been here for three minutes... 1935 01:22:47,347 --> 01:22:48,535 so those other 17 minutes... 1936 01:22:48,615 --> 01:22:49,803 - that's kind of on you... - Mike! 1937 01:22:49,883 --> 01:22:51,138 I'm using hyperbole. 1938 01:22:51,218 --> 01:22:54,062 I don't know what that means, and I think you know that I don't. 1939 01:22:54,188 --> 01:22:56,176 Mike, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. 1940 01:22:56,256 --> 01:22:57,244 Go Eric. 1941 01:22:57,324 --> 01:22:58,380 Shut up too! 1942 01:22:58,460 --> 01:22:59,734 I mean, God damn it! 1943 01:22:59,895 --> 01:23:03,035 You're all self-absorbed, barely-functioning... 1944 01:23:03,599 --> 01:23:04,839 codependent weirdos! 1945 01:23:06,001 --> 01:23:07,309 - Yeah. - I know. 1946 01:23:07,403 --> 01:23:09,508 - That's pretty spot-on. - We just figured that out. 1947 01:23:09,672 --> 01:23:12,428 - Those are not good qualities. - We're gonna work on it. 1948 01:23:12,508 --> 01:23:14,497 - It's been a long time. - It's been so many years. 1949 01:23:14,577 --> 01:23:16,181 We're both very confused. 1950 01:23:16,278 --> 01:23:18,383 No, no. You're not confused. 1951 01:23:18,480 --> 01:23:20,603 You're just coming down off MDMA. 1952 01:23:20,683 --> 01:23:22,162 Sorry. Which I gave you. 1953 01:23:22,318 --> 01:23:24,992 And Eric, you can't blame her for anything she said last night. 1954 01:23:25,154 --> 01:23:27,930 I've done so much stupid shit on E. 1955 01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:30,661 I got so dehydrated that I was drinking puddle water... 1956 01:23:30,826 --> 01:23:31,998 and I had to go to the hospital... 1957 01:23:32,161 --> 01:23:34,767 'cause puddles are really dirty. 1958 01:23:34,964 --> 01:23:36,418 One time I was on peyote... 1959 01:23:36,498 --> 01:23:38,756 and I signed up for a T-Mobile plan. 1960 01:23:38,836 --> 01:23:40,591 One time I got high. 1961 01:23:40,671 --> 01:23:43,174 I read the back of a shampoo bottle for 13 hours. 1962 01:23:44,208 --> 01:23:45,363 Because it said "repeat." 1963 01:23:45,443 --> 01:23:46,979 - Rinse and repeat. - I get it. 1964 01:23:47,078 --> 01:23:50,116 Jeanie, I know you think that Eric can be boring... 1965 01:23:50,381 --> 01:23:52,987 Enough of this talk of boring! 1966 01:23:53,517 --> 01:23:54,572 Damn it! 1967 01:23:54,652 --> 01:23:58,862 Sixty percent of my investments are in some pretty aggressive stocks. 1968 01:23:58,990 --> 01:24:02,369 I don't always look both ways when I cross the street. 1969 01:24:02,526 --> 01:24:05,516 I've been known to have a second glass of wine... 1970 01:24:05,596 --> 01:24:07,418 with my dinner, every now and then. 1971 01:24:07,498 --> 01:24:09,153 I once went to see a movie... 1972 01:24:09,233 --> 01:24:11,722 walked across the hallway, saw a second movie. 1973 01:24:11,802 --> 01:24:13,110 Didn't pay till after. 1974 01:24:13,304 --> 01:24:14,476 Is that boring? 1975 01:24:14,972 --> 01:24:15,961 Is that boring? 1976 01:24:16,041 --> 01:24:17,197 - What'd you say? - Yeah. 1977 01:24:17,277 --> 01:24:18,813 - You're right. We were wrong. - That was pretty boring. 1978 01:24:19,245 --> 01:24:20,485 Well, how about this for boring? 1979 01:24:22,348 --> 01:24:24,089 Bam! 1980 01:24:24,583 --> 01:24:26,856 Two hot air balloon tickets for our honeymoon. 1981 01:24:26,986 --> 01:24:28,241 I know you really wanted to go... 1982 01:24:28,321 --> 01:24:31,200 so I got these tickets a while ago to surprise you. 1983 01:24:31,557 --> 01:24:33,400 Surprise. 1984 01:24:33,559 --> 01:24:35,664 Aww! 1985 01:24:35,895 --> 01:24:37,397 Baby, you're so afraid of heights. 1986 01:24:38,031 --> 01:24:40,477 - Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights. - Yeah. 1987 01:24:40,900 --> 01:24:43,022 But my biggest fear... 1988 01:24:43,102 --> 01:24:45,241 is to not be the husband that you deserve. 1989 01:24:46,539 --> 01:24:49,418 Baby, I'm sorry I fucked so much of this up... 1990 01:24:50,109 --> 01:24:51,231 but I promise that masseuse... 1991 01:24:51,311 --> 01:24:53,299 He didn't touch my lavender juice box. 1992 01:24:53,379 --> 01:24:55,223 Oh God, baby. I love you. 1993 01:24:55,784 --> 01:24:57,525 And I know I want to marry you. 1994 01:24:57,852 --> 01:25:00,765 Today, if you'll still have me. 1995 01:25:01,256 --> 01:25:03,702 Babe, of course. Are you kidding me? 1996 01:25:07,162 --> 01:25:08,149 Kiss her. 1997 01:25:08,229 --> 01:25:10,072 Baby, I'm crazy about you. 1998 01:25:22,544 --> 01:25:23,545 Aww! 1999 01:25:24,279 --> 01:25:25,781 I want to marry you right now... 2000 01:25:25,947 --> 01:25:27,893 but, baby, we already canceled all the vendors. 2001 01:25:28,383 --> 01:25:30,124 I don't think they're going to let us get married here. 2002 01:25:31,686 --> 01:25:32,756 Leave that to us. 2003 01:25:34,223 --> 01:25:35,862 Leave that to all of us. 2004 01:25:37,194 --> 01:25:38,332 - Yeah! - Let's go, Mike. 2005 01:25:38,962 --> 01:25:40,532 This way! Oh, fuck! 2006 01:25:40,964 --> 01:25:42,443 We'll actually just head around. 2007 01:25:42,699 --> 01:25:44,178 - Girl. - I'm good. 2008 01:25:44,468 --> 01:25:45,923 So what part you like, brah? 2009 01:25:46,003 --> 01:25:48,158 - We need the whole pig. - I can't give you a whole pig. 2010 01:25:48,238 --> 01:25:49,774 But we need to feed 100 people. 2011 01:25:50,240 --> 01:25:53,063 Could we please, please have the wedding here? 2012 01:25:53,143 --> 01:25:55,180 For the last time, we're out of venues. 2013 01:25:55,312 --> 01:25:57,656 - Hold me back. Hold me back, please. - What? 2014 01:25:57,914 --> 01:25:58,936 Give us a place! 2015 01:25:59,016 --> 01:26:00,791 Everybody out of the way! 2016 01:26:00,984 --> 01:26:02,639 It's hot. So hot! 2017 01:26:02,719 --> 01:26:04,221 - Out of the fucking way! - I want my pig back! 2018 01:26:04,988 --> 01:26:06,777 What if I supplied all the liquor... 2019 01:26:06,857 --> 01:26:08,845 for every bar in this hotel... 2020 01:26:08,925 --> 01:26:11,515 at wholesale prices for the next three years? 2021 01:26:11,595 --> 01:26:13,473 - Deal. - Yes! Fuck yes! 2022 01:26:13,665 --> 01:26:14,939 I'll get you guys a venue. 2023 01:26:28,914 --> 01:26:29,915 Keith, get it together. 2024 01:26:30,249 --> 01:26:31,421 We need to move, move, move. 2025 01:26:31,650 --> 01:26:32,720 I'm doing my best. 2026 01:26:36,388 --> 01:26:37,492 Hell yeah! 2027 01:26:55,443 --> 01:26:58,020 And now... a reading... 2028 01:26:58,679 --> 01:27:00,818 from the children's book that I got in the lobby. 2029 01:27:01,115 --> 01:27:02,753 - Oh. - "Aloha moon. 2030 01:27:03,150 --> 01:27:04,823 "Aloha sea. 2031 01:27:04,985 --> 01:27:06,362 "Aloha you. 2032 01:27:06,987 --> 01:27:08,057 "Aloha me." 2033 01:27:08,355 --> 01:27:09,925 - I do. - I do. 2034 01:27:10,124 --> 01:27:11,467 By the power vested in me... 2035 01:27:11,659 --> 01:27:15,197 by the website www.beyourowndeacon.com... 2036 01:27:16,130 --> 01:27:19,373 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 2037 01:27:19,667 --> 01:27:21,455 Those assholes kind of did it. 2038 01:27:21,535 --> 01:27:22,946 Yeah. 2039 01:27:23,270 --> 01:27:24,943 Those assholes kind of did. 2040 01:27:25,106 --> 01:27:26,293 You may kiss the bride. 2041 01:27:26,373 --> 01:27:27,895 Okay. Kiss the bride. 2042 01:27:27,975 --> 01:27:29,113 Kiss the bride. 2043 01:27:36,452 --> 01:27:37,453 Yeah! 2044 01:27:49,866 --> 01:27:51,487 - You designed this? - Yeah. 2045 01:27:51,567 --> 01:27:53,956 Insane. We're at a wedding, it's in the shape of a heart. 2046 01:27:54,036 --> 01:27:55,591 That was a really good idea. 2047 01:27:55,671 --> 01:27:57,207 I have so many good ideas. 2048 01:27:57,473 --> 01:28:00,147 At my last job, I was on fire with ideas. 2049 01:28:00,243 --> 01:28:02,416 Huh? Actually, I need a new partner... 2050 01:28:02,745 --> 01:28:05,954 because Dave is bailing on me to draw things. 2051 01:28:06,415 --> 01:28:07,917 Would you wanna... 2052 01:28:08,151 --> 01:28:09,596 maybe come work for me? 2053 01:28:09,919 --> 01:28:10,921 Really? 2054 01:28:11,189 --> 01:28:12,600 What do you know about liquor? 2055 01:28:13,057 --> 01:28:15,901 Um, only that it's delicious and I love it. 2056 01:28:16,027 --> 01:28:17,782 And those are the two things you need to know. 2057 01:28:17,862 --> 01:28:21,139 - You are hired. - Great. When do I start? 2058 01:28:21,332 --> 01:28:22,572 You can start right away... 2059 01:28:23,034 --> 01:28:25,480 but just know that there will be some late nights. 2060 01:28:25,570 --> 01:28:27,243 Keep it in your pants, okay? 2061 01:28:27,605 --> 01:28:29,107 If we're going to work together, let's just... 2062 01:28:29,541 --> 01:28:31,077 keep it professional. 2063 01:28:31,676 --> 01:28:32,746 Okay. 2064 01:28:32,877 --> 01:28:35,133 - We'll keep it professional, then. - Good. 2065 01:28:35,213 --> 01:28:36,201 - All right. - Good. 2066 01:28:36,281 --> 01:28:37,302 - Okay. - Okay. 2067 01:28:37,382 --> 01:28:38,369 - Okay. - Yeah. 2068 01:28:38,449 --> 01:28:39,928 - Are you sure? - I don't know. 2069 01:28:41,352 --> 01:28:42,456 What? 2070 01:28:44,088 --> 01:28:45,567 - What'd you say? - What? 2071 01:28:46,090 --> 01:28:48,263 Love me tender 2072 01:28:48,927 --> 01:28:50,772 Love me sweet 2073 01:28:52,766 --> 01:28:54,177 Never let me go 2074 01:28:58,271 --> 01:29:02,344 You have made my life complete 2075 01:29:06,446 --> 01:29:07,447 I don't. 2076 01:29:10,684 --> 01:29:12,493 Love me tender 2077 01:29:13,353 --> 01:29:14,957 Love me true 2078 01:29:16,990 --> 01:29:19,869 All my dreams fulfilled 2079 01:29:23,830 --> 01:29:27,141 For my darlin' I love you 2080 01:29:27,434 --> 01:29:29,245 Tatiana said this was gonna happen. 2081 01:29:29,504 --> 01:29:30,592 You got my groove back. 2082 01:29:30,672 --> 01:29:31,693 Really? 2083 01:29:31,773 --> 01:29:33,582 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. 2084 01:29:40,582 --> 01:29:41,652 I like you. 2085 01:29:48,824 --> 01:29:50,179 Wait. There's people everywhere. 2086 01:29:50,259 --> 01:29:52,330 - Let them watch. - Mmm. Okay. 2087 01:29:54,663 --> 01:29:55,698 Whoa! 2088 01:29:56,231 --> 01:29:57,953 Hi, everyone. 2089 01:29:58,033 --> 01:30:00,445 Excuse us. Could we have your attention, please? 2090 01:30:01,837 --> 01:30:03,959 My husband and I... 2091 01:30:04,039 --> 01:30:07,763 want to thank four very incredible people... 2092 01:30:07,843 --> 01:30:09,620 for saving the day. 2093 01:30:09,913 --> 01:30:13,292 Mike and Dave have asked to say a few words... 2094 01:30:13,550 --> 01:30:15,339 so we would like to invite them up. 2095 01:30:15,419 --> 01:30:16,454 Come on, boys. 2096 01:30:18,222 --> 01:30:19,223 Thank you, Jeanie. 2097 01:30:19,857 --> 01:30:22,913 We never got to give our speech at the rehearsal dinner. 2098 01:30:22,993 --> 01:30:25,371 Because we ruined it. With fights. 2099 01:30:26,196 --> 01:30:27,732 But we just wanted everybody here to know... 2100 01:30:28,232 --> 01:30:29,734 exactly how we feel about you. 2101 01:30:30,200 --> 01:30:31,235 Lights. 2102 01:30:36,106 --> 01:30:38,212 Did you know this was coming? 2103 01:30:48,254 --> 01:30:52,725 You are so beautiful 2104 01:30:53,225 --> 01:30:55,671 So beautiful 2105 01:30:55,995 --> 01:30:56,996 Aww. 2106 01:30:58,931 --> 01:31:00,052 To me 2107 01:31:00,132 --> 01:31:01,236 Aww. 2108 01:31:02,301 --> 01:31:04,056 Can't you see? 2109 01:31:04,136 --> 01:31:05,843 You're so beautiful 2110 01:31:06,238 --> 01:31:07,808 This is real beautiful, man. 2111 01:31:08,107 --> 01:31:12,351 You're everything I hoped for 2112 01:31:12,745 --> 01:31:15,001 - In a little sister! - Oh! 2113 01:31:15,081 --> 01:31:18,838 You're everything I need 2114 01:31:18,918 --> 01:31:21,990 Everything that I need 2115 01:31:23,055 --> 01:31:24,466 They're kind of good. 2116 01:31:24,557 --> 01:31:26,332 You are so beautiful 2117 01:31:26,961 --> 01:31:28,235 As a couple. Right guys? 2118 01:31:28,896 --> 01:31:30,102 Oh! 2119 01:31:30,298 --> 01:31:31,368 To me 2120 01:31:32,800 --> 01:31:34,404 And to you. 2121 01:31:34,869 --> 01:31:36,405 And to you. To all of us. 2122 01:31:36,504 --> 01:31:37,983 You're beautiful, Jeanie! 2123 01:31:42,143 --> 01:31:43,622 Dave, everybody. 2124 01:31:44,145 --> 01:31:45,681 He's gonna draw! 2125 01:31:46,013 --> 01:31:47,253 Love you! 2126 01:31:48,549 --> 01:31:49,653 So sweet. 2127 01:31:49,917 --> 01:31:51,539 Thought they were gonna blow it. They did not. 2128 01:31:51,619 --> 01:31:52,620 That's good. 2129 01:31:52,987 --> 01:31:55,661 This is how we do it 2130 01:31:57,625 --> 01:31:59,298 This is how we do it 2131 01:32:02,330 --> 01:32:04,503 This is how we do it 2132 01:32:04,832 --> 01:32:06,745 This is how we do it 2133 01:32:06,936 --> 01:32:08,358 It's Friday night 2134 01:32:08,438 --> 01:32:09,439 Oh, you don't throw... 2135 01:32:09,539 --> 01:32:10,745 And I feel all right 2136 01:32:11,474 --> 01:32:13,797 The party's here on the west side 2137 01:32:13,877 --> 01:32:16,333 So I reach for my forty and I turn it up 2138 01:32:16,413 --> 01:32:18,620 Designated driver got the keys to my truck 2139 01:32:18,715 --> 01:32:20,854 - Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded - Faded 2140 01:32:20,950 --> 01:32:21,938 Honey on the streets saying 2141 01:32:22,018 --> 01:32:23,122 Monty, yo, we made it 2142 01:32:23,286 --> 01:32:25,408 I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because 2143 01:32:25,488 --> 01:32:27,331 This is how we do it 2144 01:32:27,424 --> 01:32:29,927 South Central does it like nobody does 2145 01:32:30,160 --> 01:32:31,681 This is how we do it 2146 01:32:31,761 --> 01:32:32,749 All right. 2147 01:32:32,829 --> 01:32:37,041 To all my neighbors, you got much flavor This is how we do it 2148 01:32:37,267 --> 01:32:40,544 # StangleBenoit2016. 2149 01:32:41,371 --> 01:32:43,248 Hell yeah! 2150 01:32:44,307 --> 01:32:45,583 Oh, God! 2151 01:32:45,977 --> 01:32:47,012 Well... 2152 01:32:48,346 --> 01:32:49,950 I picked a bad pose, guys. 2153 01:32:50,449 --> 01:32:51,484 Fireworks! 2154 01:32:52,551 --> 01:32:54,155 These are for you, Jeanie! 2155 01:32:55,320 --> 01:32:57,266 Fireworks close the show! 2156 01:32:59,324 --> 01:33:01,099 Those are from China, those fireworks. 2157 01:33:15,841 --> 01:33:18,151 You idiots! You fucking... 2158 01:33:30,991 --> 01:33:32,479 This is cool. 2159 01:33:32,559 --> 01:33:34,095 I didn't know you could do it this way. 2160 01:33:34,228 --> 01:33:35,571 Oh... 2161 01:33:38,365 --> 01:33:39,420 I'm done. 2162 01:33:39,500 --> 01:33:41,155 Fuck. Holy shit. 2163 01:33:41,235 --> 01:33:42,256 Okay. 2164 01:33:42,336 --> 01:33:43,838 That was great. Good job. 2165 01:33:58,151 --> 01:33:59,873 I'm so behind right now on Game of Thrones. 2166 01:33:59,953 --> 01:34:03,379 I don't even know what's happening with Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend. 2167 01:34:03,459 --> 01:34:06,303 Okay. Well he's dead, and so is Jon Snow. 2168 01:34:06,395 --> 01:34:07,516 Jon Snow? 2169 01:34:07,596 --> 01:34:09,473 Fuck that dude. I'm taller than him anyways. 2170 01:34:09,598 --> 01:34:11,077 Saw him. 2171 01:34:11,834 --> 01:34:15,244 I just found out some spelunker went dunkin' in your bunker. 2172 01:34:16,839 --> 01:34:19,995 You are fresh as a fucking dick in the morning. 2173 01:34:20,075 --> 01:34:21,564 That's not that fresh. 2174 01:34:21,644 --> 01:34:24,056 Have you ever sucked a dick in the morning? 2175 01:34:24,480 --> 01:34:26,902 I brush my teeth with dick, girl. 2176 01:34:26,982 --> 01:34:29,358 - Alright... - What? 2177 01:34:29,451 --> 01:34:31,123 Oh. Fox don't like that joke? 2178 01:34:32,721 --> 01:34:34,928 I'm gonna throw up. You look like meat! 2179 01:34:35,024 --> 01:34:36,503 Inner dialogue, inner dialogue. 2180 01:34:36,625 --> 01:34:38,147 I once got lockjaw so bad 2181 01:34:38,227 --> 01:34:39,900 that I was sucking a homeless man's thumb. 2182 01:34:39,995 --> 01:34:41,517 Dave actually had to come get me from the hospital... 2183 01:34:41,597 --> 01:34:45,389 because they found 13 Pokemon pugs and a skimmer... 2184 01:34:45,469 --> 01:34:46,846 shoved up my butthole. 2185 01:34:47,038 --> 01:34:49,382 I just had to wait to poop them out. 2186 01:34:50,041 --> 01:34:51,645 Pikachu. 2187 01:34:52,209 --> 01:34:53,415 Pikachu. 2188 01:34:54,078 --> 01:34:55,284 Charmander. 2189 01:34:55,646 --> 01:34:59,525 That's okay. No, no. Keep your dick in. 2190 01:35:01,252 --> 01:35:03,541 For most of my life, I thought goat cheese... 2191 01:35:03,621 --> 01:35:06,659 was a slang term for cheese that's gone bad. 2192 01:35:06,757 --> 01:35:10,014 I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be, like, "Dude, that cheese is goat." 2193 01:35:10,094 --> 01:35:11,903 Like, "Get that goat cheese off the counter." 2194 01:35:12,129 --> 01:35:14,685 You look like a deconstructed taco. 2195 01:35:14,765 --> 01:35:15,800 Like carnival food. 2196 01:35:15,933 --> 01:35:18,914 Like the waffle that the chef would just go, "We're throwing that away." 2197 01:35:19,036 --> 01:35:21,043 What are we doing? 2198 01:35:43,396 --> 01:35:46,240 And the home 2199 01:35:47,800 --> 01:35:50,872 Of the 2200 01:35:52,805 --> 01:35:55,877 Brave 2201 01:35:58,378 --> 01:35:59,823 Play ball, Mike. 2202 01:36:05,787 --> 01:36:07,909 You know we saw my nigga 2203 01:36:07,989 --> 01:36:10,445 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2204 01:36:10,525 --> 01:36:13,114 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2205 01:36:13,194 --> 01:36:15,470 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2206 01:36:15,563 --> 01:36:18,520 Stang life I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2207 01:36:18,600 --> 01:36:21,222 Hunchback of Notre D on the B 2208 01:36:21,302 --> 01:36:24,359 Flying fucking girls to my sister's wedding at the beach 2209 01:36:24,439 --> 01:36:28,182 Now we in first class seats Couldn't hold me back, G 2210 01:36:28,643 --> 01:36:33,001 Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin' Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cristal 2211 01:36:33,081 --> 01:36:34,169 Sippin', sippin' Cristal 2212 01:36:34,249 --> 01:36:36,058 Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie Beanie Weanie 2213 01:36:36,184 --> 01:36:39,174 Gettin' married with Eric Guaranteed he's got a big, big weenie 2214 01:36:39,254 --> 01:36:42,546 I'm proud of my little sister Proud that she got a wedding ring 2215 01:36:42,626 --> 01:36:46,083 And a necklace, Eric you're my brother now So that means I'm kinda black 2216 01:36:46,163 --> 01:36:47,972 Oh, wait. Not really. I'm white, man. 2217 01:36:48,065 --> 01:36:49,720 I'm just happy to be related to you, honestly. 2218 01:36:49,800 --> 01:36:51,021 - Shout out to Eric. - Eric! 2219 01:36:51,101 --> 01:36:53,423 I be like Superman, let me out the cage 2220 01:36:53,503 --> 01:36:55,726 I got out of my cast and I flipped the page 2221 01:36:55,806 --> 01:36:58,395 And now I'm drawing comic books like I used to do 2222 01:36:58,475 --> 01:37:01,898 Kinda cool, Little sister Jeanie getting married too 2223 01:37:01,978 --> 01:37:04,301 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2224 01:37:04,381 --> 01:37:06,937 Stang life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2225 01:37:07,017 --> 01:37:09,406 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2226 01:37:09,486 --> 01:37:12,275 Stan g life I will never die, I'm a Stangle, bitch 2227 01:37:12,355 --> 01:37:14,378 Yeah, we put the wedding back together 2228 01:37:14,458 --> 01:37:17,132 First we broke it up but we made it better 2229 01:37:17,694 --> 01:37:20,319 Nobody makes fun of me in any way 2230 01:37:20,399 --> 01:37:23,380 'Cause I got Mike by my side, and you know what he say 2231 01:37:23,535 --> 01:37:25,958 Scoliosis, now I'm fucking yo bitch 2232 01:37:26,038 --> 01:37:28,594 Scoliosis, now I'm fuckin' two chicks 2233 01:37:28,674 --> 01:37:31,063 Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom 2234 01:37:31,143 --> 01:37:33,298 Comin' through the jungle at you like boom 2235 01:37:33,378 --> 01:37:35,934 Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV 2236 01:37:36,014 --> 01:37:38,537 - We're gonna die - It's my girls and me 2237 01:37:38,617 --> 01:37:40,563 My crew and us, we just cruisin' 2238 01:37:40,719 --> 01:37:43,742 Doin' fuckin' backflips off jumps guaranteed 2239 01:37:43,822 --> 01:37:45,495 Ran over my sister's face 2240 01:37:45,657 --> 01:37:46,965 - It was kinda wack - My bad 2241 01:37:47,126 --> 01:37:49,248 But you know what? We came back from that 2242 01:37:49,328 --> 01:37:51,517 You're getting married now and it's okay 2243 01:37:51,597 --> 01:37:54,253 You're soiurassic, you're so fantastic 2244 01:37:54,333 --> 01:37:56,422 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2245 01:37:56,502 --> 01:37:59,026 Stan g life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2246 01:37:59,106 --> 01:38:01,629 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2247 01:38:01,709 --> 01:38:03,484 Stang life, I will never die 2248 01:38:03,577 --> 01:38:04,899 I'm a Stangle, bitch 2249 01:38:04,979 --> 01:38:07,016 My boy Dave, puttin' pen to paper 2250 01:38:08,182 --> 01:38:10,219 Trying to get this damn label off 2251 01:38:10,918 --> 01:38:12,261 Like Aftermath? 2252 01:38:12,953 --> 01:38:14,955 Vanilla Ice remodeled my house 2253 01:38:15,156 --> 01:38:17,578 Told Dave and I we should start rappin' 2254 01:38:17,658 --> 01:38:20,662 My brother's the best white rapper ...Eminem!