1 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:36,545 "It's that time Christmas time is here 2 00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:42,215 "Everybody knows There's not a better time of year 3 00:00:43,225 --> 00:00:45,216 "Hear that sleigh." 4 00:01:05,849 --> 00:01:10,513 "Gonna make this holiday As perfect as can be 5 00:01:11,422 --> 00:01:14,755 "Just wait and see This Christmas vacation. 6 00:01:17,194 --> 00:01:21,859 "This old house Sure is looking good 7 00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:27,262 "Got ourselves the finest snowman In the neighborhood. 8 00:01:28,773 --> 00:01:30,207 "Ain't it fun? 9 00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:35,203 "Always on the run That's how it's done 10 00:01:35,447 --> 00:01:37,779 "On Christmas vacation. 11 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:41,447 "Let's all deck the halls 12 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,552 "And light the lights 13 00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:46,952 "Get a toasty fire 14 00:01:47,393 --> 00:01:49,224 "Burning bright. 15 00:01:50,896 --> 00:01:52,659 "Give Saint Nick 16 00:01:52,898 --> 00:01:55,799 "The warmest welcome That he's ever had 17 00:01:56,569 --> 00:01:59,971 "We're so glad it's Christmas vacation. 18 00:02:02,577 --> 00:02:04,237 "And when the nights 19 00:02:04,812 --> 00:02:07,178 "Are peaceful and serene 20 00:02:08,816 --> 00:02:13,481 "We can cuddle up And do our Christmas dreamin'. 21 00:02:16,423 --> 00:02:18,221 "Peace and joy and love 22 00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:20,124 "Are everywhere 23 00:02:21,996 --> 00:02:24,761 "You can feel the magic in the air. 24 00:02:27,601 --> 00:02:31,903 "Let the spirit of the season Carry us away 25 00:02:33,676 --> 00:02:36,337 "Hip, hip, hooray For Christmas vacation." 26 00:03:26,799 --> 00:03:28,322 That was beautiful, honey. 27 00:03:42,983 --> 00:03:44,074 Take it, Russ. 28 00:03:47,254 --> 00:03:49,780 Dad, can you explain again what we're doing? 29 00:03:50,223 --> 00:03:53,590 We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas... 30 00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:57,125 ...by heading out to the country in the front-wheel drive sleigh... 31 00:03:57,197 --> 00:04:00,258 ...to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape... 32 00:04:00,601 --> 00:04:03,435 ...and select that most important of Christmas symbols. 33 00:04:03,671 --> 00:04:07,232 We're not driving way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties... 34 00:04:07,308 --> 00:04:09,538 ...with the Santa Clauses on it, are we, Dad? 35 00:04:09,844 --> 00:04:11,745 No, I have one of those at home. 36 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,944 What we're looking for today is the Griswold family Christmas tree. 37 00:04:26,228 --> 00:04:28,821 - What's the matter? - Some jackass is riding my tail. 38 00:04:32,135 --> 00:04:34,035 Slow down and let him pass. 39 00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:49,074 Don't provoke them. 40 00:04:50,021 --> 00:04:51,648 Hey, kids. Look, a deer! 41 00:05:11,643 --> 00:05:14,009 Clark! Slow down! 42 00:05:14,679 --> 00:05:17,204 You want to ride behind somebody like that? 43 00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:21,180 I'm going to pull around them... burn some dust, here. 44 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:23,086 Eat my rubber. 45 00:05:23,789 --> 00:05:27,691 Dad, I think what you mean is, "Burn rubber" and "Eat my dust." 46 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,018 Whatever, Russ. 47 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,695 Eat my road grit, liver lips! 48 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,274 That's enough of that. 49 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,580 Speaking of Christmas trees, can one of you tell me... 50 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,678 ...what the first kind of tree displayed at the White House was? 51 00:05:53,755 --> 00:05:54,744 They're back. 52 00:06:00,161 --> 00:06:03,062 Stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead. 53 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,457 Honey, please. I'll do the driving, okay? 54 00:06:07,069 --> 00:06:08,592 Will you just take it easy? 55 00:06:08,971 --> 00:06:10,734 I'm in complete control. 56 00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:14,072 I'll get around this egg timer. 57 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,838 Uh... Dad?! 58 00:06:30,693 --> 00:06:32,661 We're all right! Thank God! 59 00:06:32,861 --> 00:06:35,022 Clark, we're stuck under a truck! 60 00:06:35,231 --> 00:06:37,097 Do you honestly think I don't know that?! 61 00:06:37,168 --> 00:06:38,999 Come on, you guys. Don't fight. 62 00:06:39,136 --> 00:06:41,468 For Christ's sake, I didn't do this on purpose. 63 00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:46,970 Our Father, who art in heaven... 64 00:06:47,278 --> 00:06:50,713 ...hallowed be Thy name. And forgive my husband. 65 00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:53,779 - He knows not what he does. - Amen! 66 00:07:11,904 --> 00:07:13,632 We made pretty good time. 67 00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:23,480 Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lots... 68 00:07:23,584 --> 00:07:27,714 ...so people don't have to drive way out to nowhere and waste a Saturday? 69 00:07:28,155 --> 00:07:29,053 They invented 'em... 70 00:07:29,123 --> 00:07:32,558 ...because people forgot how to have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. 71 00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:36,756 They're satisfied with scrawny, dead, overpriced trees with no special meaning. 72 00:07:36,829 --> 00:07:37,761 My toes are numb. 73 00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:39,857 This is what our forefathers did. 74 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:41,933 I can't feel my leg. 75 00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:44,536 They walked out into the woods, picked out that special tree... 76 00:07:44,606 --> 00:07:46,038 ...and they cut it down with their bare hands. 77 00:07:46,106 --> 00:07:48,006 Mom, I can't feel my hips. 78 00:07:48,575 --> 00:07:49,599 - Clark? - Yes, honey? 79 00:07:49,744 --> 00:07:52,177 Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 80 00:07:52,247 --> 00:07:54,375 That's all part of the experience, honey. 81 00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:57,448 There it is. 82 00:08:16,772 --> 00:08:18,798 The Griswold family Christmas tree. 83 00:08:25,382 --> 00:08:26,815 Isn't it a little big? 84 00:08:27,484 --> 00:08:29,816 It's not big, it's just full. 85 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:32,581 That thing wouldn't fit in our yard. 86 00:08:33,557 --> 00:08:37,084 It's not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room. 87 00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,727 - Look at it. - It really is beautiful, Clark. 88 00:08:45,570 --> 00:08:47,902 - It's something else, huh, Russ? - Yeah, Dad. 89 00:08:48,139 --> 00:08:49,334 Isn't it a beaut, Audrey? 90 00:08:49,473 --> 00:08:50,964 She'll see it later, honey. 91 00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:52,604 Her eyes are frozen. 92 00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:56,512 The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in... 93 00:08:56,581 --> 00:08:59,278 ...the warm embrace of kith and kin. 94 00:09:00,719 --> 00:09:04,280 This tree is a symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas. 95 00:09:06,758 --> 00:09:08,282 Did you bring a saw? 96 00:09:53,376 --> 00:09:57,140 Looks like the toad overestimated the height of his ceiling. 97 00:10:08,823 --> 00:10:09,950 Hey, Griswold! 98 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,694 Where will you put a tree that big? 99 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,260 Bend over and I'll show you. 100 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,833 You got a lot of nerve talking to me like that. 101 00:10:19,936 --> 00:10:21,630 I wasn't talking to you. 102 00:10:38,756 --> 00:10:41,224 Do you think there's enough room for the angel? 103 00:10:41,492 --> 00:10:45,691 Sure, honey. I have a little more trimming to do, but that won't be a problem. 104 00:10:45,963 --> 00:10:46,793 Ready? 105 00:10:47,465 --> 00:10:50,366 I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. 106 00:10:58,643 --> 00:11:00,544 There's a lot of sap in here. 107 00:11:02,882 --> 00:11:05,350 It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. 108 00:11:27,842 --> 00:11:30,072 Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? 109 00:11:31,513 --> 00:11:34,242 They've decided they're coming for Christmas, too. 110 00:11:35,349 --> 00:11:36,873 It's not too late to change our plans... 111 00:11:36,951 --> 00:11:38,543 No, no, that's great. 112 00:11:40,889 --> 00:11:42,948 I think you're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be... 113 00:11:43,023 --> 00:11:45,458 ...having everybody in the house at the same time. 114 00:11:45,694 --> 00:11:48,288 They're family, not strangers off the street. 115 00:11:48,563 --> 00:11:50,190 All they do is argue. 116 00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:53,402 Christmas is about resolving differences... 117 00:11:53,468 --> 00:11:56,233 ...and seeing through the petty problems of family life. 118 00:11:56,305 --> 00:12:00,298 And it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. 119 00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:04,970 And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip, and... 120 00:12:05,215 --> 00:12:07,842 ...then they don't speak to... - Your mother waxes her upper lip? 121 00:12:07,918 --> 00:12:09,579 She has for years. 122 00:12:10,053 --> 00:12:11,418 It doesn't show. 123 00:12:12,389 --> 00:12:15,448 I don't know, Sparky, I just have this feeling it's not... 124 00:12:15,525 --> 00:12:17,825 I want to have Christmas here, in our house. 125 00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:19,692 It means a lot to me. 126 00:12:20,064 --> 00:12:23,226 All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas. 127 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:30,329 It's just that you build things up in your mind, Sparky. 128 00:12:31,976 --> 00:12:35,639 You set standards no family event can ever live up to. 129 00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:38,438 When have I ever done that? 130 00:12:42,121 --> 00:12:43,145 Parties. 131 00:12:44,256 --> 00:12:45,348 Weddings. 132 00:12:46,292 --> 00:12:48,123 - Good night, honey. - Anniversaries. 133 00:12:48,761 --> 00:12:49,853 Funerals. 134 00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:52,354 Holidays. 135 00:12:52,665 --> 00:12:53,996 Vacations. 136 00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:55,663 Graduations. 137 00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:21,824 Guess you'll be lookin' at a nice fat Christmas bonus this year, huh? 138 00:13:21,897 --> 00:13:23,726 Word is you're an excellent choice to be named... 139 00:13:23,798 --> 00:13:25,595 ...Food Additive Designer of the Year. 140 00:13:25,666 --> 00:13:27,861 - Nah... - I'm not kidding. 141 00:13:28,269 --> 00:13:30,669 What's that new thing you got over there at Food 'N' Dry? 142 00:13:30,738 --> 00:13:34,470 The crunch enhancer? That's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. 143 00:13:34,542 --> 00:13:36,134 It's semi-permeable. It's not osmotic. 144 00:13:36,211 --> 00:13:37,940 What it does is, it coats and seals the flake. 145 00:13:38,013 --> 00:13:39,412 It prevents the milk from penetrating it. 146 00:13:39,481 --> 00:13:41,745 Yeah, it's a beautiful product. 147 00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:42,678 I like it. 148 00:13:42,784 --> 00:13:45,253 What are you gonna do with that big bonus check? 149 00:13:45,354 --> 00:13:46,685 You're gonna blow it on yourself, I hope. 150 00:13:46,756 --> 00:13:48,052 Me? Heck, no. 151 00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:50,582 Take a look at this. 152 00:13:55,498 --> 00:13:57,728 I just hope my Christmas bonus check will cover it. 153 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,462 Oh, my God. You're putting in a pool. 154 00:14:10,315 --> 00:14:13,613 I went ahead and I put a $7,500 deposit down on it. 155 00:14:13,851 --> 00:14:15,876 You're the last true family man. 156 00:14:17,688 --> 00:14:18,416 Mark. 157 00:14:19,591 --> 00:14:20,523 Clark. 158 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,417 That's Bill, sir. 159 00:14:23,828 --> 00:14:27,025 Are you the one who's working on that non-nutritive cereal varnish? 160 00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:27,962 Yes, sir. 161 00:14:28,132 --> 00:14:31,365 I've got to give a speech to a trade group. I'd like to mention it. 162 00:14:31,436 --> 00:14:34,600 Write up a brief summary and have it to me by the end of the day. 163 00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:35,697 My pleasure. 164 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:40,106 Layman's terms. None of that inside, bullshit jargon that nobody understands. 165 00:14:40,545 --> 00:14:41,774 Yes, sir. 166 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,643 Oh, Mr. Shirley... 167 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,953 We got your Christmas card the other day, and... 168 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:52,287 ...my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us. 169 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,019 Corporate cards. 170 00:14:58,599 --> 00:15:00,157 Don't forget that report, Bill. 171 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:01,757 Yes, sir. Merry Christmas. 172 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:07,566 Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. 173 00:15:07,942 --> 00:15:09,170 Happy Hanukkah. 174 00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,033 Can I show you something? 175 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,842 I was just smelling... smiling. 176 00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:49,640 I was blouse... browsing. 177 00:15:50,919 --> 00:15:52,910 For your wife or girlfriend? 178 00:15:54,925 --> 00:15:56,688 What? What happened? 179 00:16:03,299 --> 00:16:05,233 I guess it wouldn't be any... 180 00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,227 It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season... 181 00:16:08,305 --> 00:16:11,901 ...if the stores were any less hooter than they... Hotter than they are. 182 00:16:12,944 --> 00:16:14,103 It is warm in here. 183 00:16:14,211 --> 00:16:16,372 - When you have your coat on. - Do I? 184 00:16:16,548 --> 00:16:18,742 - How did that happen? - Because it's cold out. 185 00:16:18,817 --> 00:16:20,909 Yes. Yes. 186 00:16:20,986 --> 00:16:23,819 It is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean, nippy out. 187 00:16:24,389 --> 00:16:26,119 What am I saying? Nipple? 188 00:16:26,958 --> 00:16:29,119 There is a nip in the air, though. 189 00:16:29,227 --> 00:16:31,321 Can I take something out for you? 190 00:16:40,473 --> 00:16:42,168 I was just, uh... 191 00:16:43,077 --> 00:16:45,476 I was looking at something for my wife. 192 00:16:45,746 --> 00:16:47,145 God rest her soul. 193 00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:48,939 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 194 00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:52,415 Oh, no, no, she's not dead, yet. We're just divorced. 195 00:16:53,187 --> 00:16:54,484 She's history. 196 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,352 Obviously, she doesn't wear underwear... 197 00:16:56,424 --> 00:17:00,793 ...there are plenty of shopping days left until adultery... adulthood. 198 00:17:00,929 --> 00:17:04,365 Which is to say, Christmas, as in Yule. Yule log. 199 00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:07,690 Not a log. I don't have a log, but I mean, you know... 200 00:17:07,768 --> 00:17:11,068 ...if I had a log. Not in the sense you think I said I did. 201 00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:14,000 Good golly. 202 00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:16,775 'Tis the season to be merry. 203 00:17:17,011 --> 00:17:18,239 Well, that's my name. 204 00:17:18,313 --> 00:17:19,473 No shit. 205 00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:37,727 These are cut really high on the hip. 206 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,361 Look, I'm wearing something similar. See? You can't see the line. 207 00:17:41,537 --> 00:17:44,565 - You can't see the line, can you, Russ? - No. 208 00:17:51,915 --> 00:17:56,079 Look, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings... 209 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,481 ...an angel gets his wings. 210 00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:33,387 Folks! 211 00:18:34,027 --> 00:18:35,188 Merry Christmas. 212 00:18:45,439 --> 00:18:47,270 Look how big you've gotten. 213 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:49,369 Merry Christmas. 214 00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,040 Mom. 215 00:18:51,545 --> 00:18:53,035 Knock on the door. 216 00:18:56,317 --> 00:18:57,909 Doesn't Nora look old? 217 00:18:58,052 --> 00:18:59,542 You promised, you promised... 218 00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:01,749 They took a pint of fluid out of my lower back. 219 00:19:01,823 --> 00:19:05,156 You see this mole? This mole on my neck? You think it's changing color? 220 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,660 No. You keep touching it. It's getting redder. 221 00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:09,094 I got hemorrhoids. 222 00:19:09,264 --> 00:19:10,162 Could you believe that? 223 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,029 - Oh, Mother. - Isn't that terrible? 224 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,760 - You're not getting the space... - After what you did to my car? 225 00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:16,998 I'm doing the parking. Come and help me with the... 226 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:20,201 Mom, they're not sleeping in my room. I'm gonna go crazy... 227 00:19:20,276 --> 00:19:23,678 Sweetheart, your grandma Nora's got a real painful burr on her heel. 228 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:26,146 If you rub it for me, I'll give you a quarter. 229 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:29,082 - A quarter. - And I'll give Audrey a quarter, too. 230 00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,780 I'm going to put my car in the garage! 231 00:19:31,855 --> 00:19:33,755 I'll park the cars. 232 00:19:35,158 --> 00:19:37,524 This is what Christmas is all about. 233 00:19:38,329 --> 00:19:42,320 I'll park the cars and check the luggage, and... 234 00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:45,098 I'll be outside for the season. 235 00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:51,298 We'll have the best-looking house in town. 236 00:19:51,377 --> 00:19:53,206 I've always wanted to do this. 237 00:19:53,278 --> 00:19:55,007 That's a lot of lights, Dad. 238 00:19:55,078 --> 00:19:58,013 I'm sure it's a lot of work, but if I'm out in the cold... 239 00:19:58,082 --> 00:20:00,312 ...and I'm committed to decorating the house... 240 00:20:00,385 --> 00:20:03,220 ...l'm gonna do it right and I'm gonna do it big. 241 00:20:04,123 --> 00:20:06,819 You want something you can be proud of, don't you? 242 00:20:06,891 --> 00:20:08,291 Yeah, I guess so. 243 00:20:08,627 --> 00:20:10,288 Sure you do. 244 00:20:10,696 --> 00:20:13,130 You think you might be overdoing it, Dad? 245 00:20:13,198 --> 00:20:16,565 Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything? 246 00:20:19,705 --> 00:20:21,697 Come on, unravel these. 247 00:20:22,976 --> 00:20:24,841 You have to check every bulb. 248 00:20:24,911 --> 00:20:27,573 A little knot here. You work on that. 249 00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:31,506 I'll get the other box. 250 00:20:44,332 --> 00:20:46,357 I hope he falls and breaks his neck. 251 00:20:46,433 --> 00:20:51,065 I'm sure he'll fall. But I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck. 252 00:20:53,507 --> 00:20:54,839 Let's go. 253 00:21:22,205 --> 00:21:27,041 These gusty winds appear to be playing havoc with the giant nutcracker float. 254 00:21:27,276 --> 00:21:31,235 At this point, I can't even see the nuts. They must have blown away. 255 00:21:31,647 --> 00:21:35,914 But nothing is going to dampen the spirit of this holiday crowd, I can tell you that. 256 00:21:35,987 --> 00:21:38,478 Oh, here they are. Here come the nuts. 257 00:22:55,570 --> 00:22:59,337 Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel? 258 00:23:00,576 --> 00:23:03,375 Can we at least forbid them to answer the phone? 259 00:23:03,445 --> 00:23:06,209 Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him... 260 00:23:06,281 --> 00:23:09,513 ...I couldn't come to the phone 'cause I was going to the bathroom. 261 00:23:09,586 --> 00:23:11,747 We're all making sacrifices, Audrey. 262 00:23:12,088 --> 00:23:12,986 Everybody? 263 00:23:13,056 --> 00:23:17,084 Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is? 264 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:21,324 I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic. 265 00:23:21,898 --> 00:23:26,269 I have nightmares about what he does in bed alone when I'm not lying next to him. 266 00:23:26,504 --> 00:23:29,838 I don't know what to say except it's Christmas... 267 00:23:30,274 --> 00:23:32,105 ...and we're all in misery. 268 00:23:33,010 --> 00:23:35,570 Ellen, are you smoking again? 269 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,913 No! 270 00:23:49,162 --> 00:23:51,629 Dad, where do you want these reindeer? 271 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:54,125 Just put them on the lawn, Russ. 272 00:23:56,369 --> 00:23:58,269 I can't find the Santa Claus. 273 00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:02,440 It's in the basement. We'll get it later. 274 00:24:58,435 --> 00:25:00,767 Clark? Dinner's ready. 275 00:25:01,770 --> 00:25:04,001 Okay, honey. I'm starving. 276 00:25:23,126 --> 00:25:27,496 Obviously something broke the window. Something hit the stereo. 277 00:25:37,242 --> 00:25:39,904 And why is the carpet all wet, Todd? 278 00:25:40,044 --> 00:25:42,411 I don't know, Margo. 279 00:25:50,323 --> 00:25:53,486 You wanna hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off. 280 00:25:53,559 --> 00:25:57,858 Two hundred and fifty strands of lights, 100 individual bulbs per strand... 281 00:25:58,264 --> 00:26:01,860 ...for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights. 282 00:26:04,270 --> 00:26:05,431 Twenty-five thousand. 283 00:26:05,571 --> 00:26:07,767 I hope nobody I know drives by... 284 00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:11,569 ...and sees me standing in the yard, staring at my house in my pajamas. 285 00:26:11,645 --> 00:26:14,773 If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it. 286 00:26:14,849 --> 00:26:16,338 Fire it up! 287 00:26:17,585 --> 00:26:21,782 I dedicate this house to the Griswold family Christmas. 288 00:26:24,992 --> 00:26:26,358 Drum roll, please. 289 00:26:28,997 --> 00:26:30,022 Drum roll. 290 00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:48,477 "Joy to the world." 291 00:27:02,833 --> 00:27:04,267 Beautiful, Clark. 292 00:27:05,236 --> 00:27:07,396 Talk about pissing your money away. 293 00:27:08,239 --> 00:27:12,641 I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was. 294 00:27:12,909 --> 00:27:14,900 He worked really hard, Grandma. 295 00:27:15,146 --> 00:27:16,909 So do washing machines. 296 00:27:21,853 --> 00:27:23,753 Let's get in where it's warm. 297 00:27:24,422 --> 00:27:29,086 Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind and it's breathtaking. 298 00:27:32,564 --> 00:27:33,724 Thanks, Mom. 299 00:27:34,433 --> 00:27:39,461 It's probably a bad bulb. You know, if one goes out, the whole thing won't work. 300 00:27:39,705 --> 00:27:42,869 If I were you, I'd personally check each one. 301 00:27:43,108 --> 00:27:44,440 I did that, Dad. 302 00:27:44,676 --> 00:27:48,545 If you need any help, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs asleep. 303 00:27:50,617 --> 00:27:54,952 I'm sorry, Daddy. It looks good, even if they're not lit. 304 00:27:56,557 --> 00:27:58,148 Thank you, sweetheart. 305 00:28:04,632 --> 00:28:07,294 Well, Dad, it was a good try. 306 00:28:07,635 --> 00:28:08,967 Thanks, Russ. 307 00:28:11,639 --> 00:28:14,005 We checked every bulb, didn't we? 308 00:28:15,709 --> 00:28:17,905 I'm sure of it. 309 00:28:21,016 --> 00:28:23,007 Maybe we ought to go up there and just... 310 00:28:23,084 --> 00:28:24,813 Geez! Look at the time. 311 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,210 I have to go to bed. 312 00:28:27,722 --> 00:28:29,622 Brush my teeth, feed the hog. 313 00:28:29,724 --> 00:28:33,957 I still got some homework to do, do the laundry, wash the car... 314 00:28:39,936 --> 00:28:41,995 Don't stay up too late. 315 00:29:03,527 --> 00:29:05,894 Get off me, you little fungus. 316 00:31:07,091 --> 00:31:09,584 Where the hell is that cold coming from? 317 00:31:32,618 --> 00:31:35,611 - I need just a few more... - Pay by check, if you can. 318 00:31:36,121 --> 00:31:39,114 - Not a card? - No, it's a hassle if you have to return. 319 00:31:46,134 --> 00:31:46,963 Help! 320 00:31:47,035 --> 00:31:49,298 Daddy. Is Clark coming? 321 00:31:49,369 --> 00:31:50,631 How the hell would I know? 322 00:31:50,704 --> 00:31:51,671 Is he in the house? 323 00:31:51,738 --> 00:31:54,640 If he's not farting around with the lights, he must be. 324 00:31:54,709 --> 00:31:57,577 I'm sure he wants to come shopping and have lunch with us. 325 00:31:57,646 --> 00:32:02,548 He's got another car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pill. 326 00:36:04,774 --> 00:36:07,538 I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine... 327 00:36:07,610 --> 00:36:09,544 ...and kiss every inch of your body. 328 00:36:09,612 --> 00:36:12,445 - After you shower, of course. - Of course. 329 00:36:28,799 --> 00:36:31,233 - Sparky? - Yes, honey. 330 00:36:40,278 --> 00:36:43,736 Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family? 331 00:36:44,083 --> 00:36:46,915 I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check. 332 00:36:47,852 --> 00:36:49,753 Meantime, I can light the Santa... 333 00:36:49,823 --> 00:36:53,087 ...and the eight tiny reindeer and the "Merry Christmas" sign. 334 00:36:53,158 --> 00:36:55,649 That should look good. Ready? 335 00:36:55,928 --> 00:36:57,589 Want me to do the drum roll thing? 336 00:36:57,663 --> 00:36:59,757 No, it's okay. Here goes nothing. 337 00:37:07,507 --> 00:37:09,134 I don't understand it. 338 00:37:10,845 --> 00:37:14,076 The house lights don't work, the floodlights don't work. 339 00:37:16,349 --> 00:37:17,838 Is it plugged in? 340 00:37:18,184 --> 00:37:21,018 Do you think I would check thousands of tiny lights... 341 00:37:21,088 --> 00:37:24,148 ...if I wasn't sure the extension cord was plugged in? 342 00:37:26,027 --> 00:37:28,518 You used more than one cord, didn't you? 343 00:37:30,864 --> 00:37:34,733 Maybe the kids have been fooling around with it. I'll check in the back. 344 00:37:55,658 --> 00:37:56,625 Clark! 345 00:37:59,228 --> 00:38:00,957 - Todd! - Sorry! 346 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,000 Honey, I think I know what's wrong. 347 00:38:22,587 --> 00:38:23,747 I can't see! 348 00:38:42,441 --> 00:38:43,839 This ought to do it. 349 00:38:57,590 --> 00:38:58,580 I fixed it! 350 00:39:02,129 --> 00:39:04,963 Everybody! Come out quick! Look at the lights! 351 00:39:14,008 --> 00:39:15,976 - Get a towel. - Okay! 352 00:39:19,714 --> 00:39:21,476 Wait a minute! I don't believe this. 353 00:39:21,549 --> 00:39:23,847 What's all that yelling about? 354 00:39:25,653 --> 00:39:27,246 What's going on here?! 355 00:39:29,324 --> 00:39:31,155 Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights. 356 00:39:32,994 --> 00:39:34,484 What's he doing? 357 00:39:34,730 --> 00:39:36,357 I haven't the foggiest. 358 00:39:38,567 --> 00:39:40,160 What the hell?! 359 00:39:40,904 --> 00:39:42,962 What is wrong with this?! 360 00:39:44,673 --> 00:39:46,231 Damn it! 361 00:39:50,914 --> 00:39:52,313 You goddamn thing! 362 00:40:25,216 --> 00:40:26,775 Dad, it's beautiful! 363 00:40:42,735 --> 00:40:44,635 Oh, my carpet! 364 00:40:54,314 --> 00:40:56,247 Clark, it's so lovely. 365 00:40:59,586 --> 00:41:02,419 You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in. 366 00:41:05,593 --> 00:41:08,083 It's a beaut, Clark. A beaut. 367 00:41:10,264 --> 00:41:13,257 You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination. 368 00:41:13,334 --> 00:41:15,098 Thank you, thank you. 369 00:41:16,338 --> 00:41:17,737 Russ. Audrey. 370 00:41:22,110 --> 00:41:24,442 Dear... Francis. 371 00:41:27,282 --> 00:41:30,117 I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays. 372 00:41:30,453 --> 00:41:32,443 It's just wonderful. 373 00:41:34,790 --> 00:41:35,950 Arthur. 374 00:41:36,959 --> 00:41:37,948 Art. 375 00:41:39,629 --> 00:41:40,788 Dad. 376 00:41:41,298 --> 00:41:42,856 Thanks for being here. 377 00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:45,566 The little lights are not twinkling. 378 00:41:45,635 --> 00:41:48,297 I know, Art, and thanks for noticing. 379 00:41:52,809 --> 00:41:55,301 The house sure does look swell, Clark. 380 00:41:55,378 --> 00:41:56,708 Thanks, Eddie. 381 00:41:57,147 --> 00:42:01,312 I hope it enhances your holiday spirit. Dear Catherine. 382 00:42:01,652 --> 00:42:03,279 Eddie? 383 00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:07,047 The house is gorgeous, Clark. 384 00:42:08,158 --> 00:42:09,319 Eddie? 385 00:42:09,826 --> 00:42:12,819 I hope you didn't do this all on our account, Clark. 386 00:42:13,164 --> 00:42:16,760 Kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house. 387 00:42:16,835 --> 00:42:17,894 Eddie? 388 00:42:25,344 --> 00:42:26,311 Eddie? 389 00:42:29,181 --> 00:42:32,174 If you don't remember, this here is Rocky. 390 00:42:33,419 --> 00:42:36,855 - Have you got a kiss for me? - Take a rain check on that, Art. 391 00:42:36,923 --> 00:42:39,756 He's got a lip fungus that ain't identified yet. 392 00:42:42,462 --> 00:42:44,452 You remember Ruby Sue? 393 00:42:46,867 --> 00:42:48,697 Oh, my gosh! 394 00:42:50,537 --> 00:42:52,334 Her eyes are not crossed anymore. 395 00:42:52,406 --> 00:42:53,874 That somethin', ain't it? 396 00:42:53,941 --> 00:42:56,034 She falls in a well, her eyes go cross. 397 00:42:56,111 --> 00:42:59,545 A mule kicks her, they go back to normal. I don't know. 398 00:43:03,218 --> 00:43:05,379 And this here is our pride and joy. 399 00:43:05,453 --> 00:43:06,887 Snots. 400 00:43:07,789 --> 00:43:08,948 Pretty name. 401 00:43:09,056 --> 00:43:12,117 We named him that 'cause he's got this sinus condition. 402 00:43:12,893 --> 00:43:16,227 Snots, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly. 403 00:43:18,402 --> 00:43:21,733 You never seen a set on a dog like this one's got, Clark. 404 00:43:22,571 --> 00:43:24,198 That's okay, Eddie. 405 00:43:24,573 --> 00:43:27,235 That's somethin', ain't it? You pet him on the belly... 406 00:43:27,309 --> 00:43:29,504 ...and he'll love you till the day you die. 407 00:43:29,578 --> 00:43:32,172 I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped. 408 00:43:32,749 --> 00:43:37,412 We were going to call, but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise. 409 00:43:37,654 --> 00:43:38,985 You surprised? 410 00:43:39,256 --> 00:43:40,280 Surprised, Eddie? 411 00:43:40,590 --> 00:43:42,888 If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet... 412 00:43:43,059 --> 00:43:45,493 ...I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now. 413 00:43:47,764 --> 00:43:49,756 We have plenty of room. 414 00:43:51,936 --> 00:43:55,497 Plenty of towels. Plenty of everything. 415 00:43:57,107 --> 00:44:01,101 We're pretty well set up here in the RV. It's a little tight but... 416 00:44:01,678 --> 00:44:03,203 ...we didn't come to impose. 417 00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,113 There's plenty of room. 418 00:44:05,551 --> 00:44:07,610 Quit being so damn polite, Ed. 419 00:44:08,421 --> 00:44:13,686 Catherine and I are pretty comfy in there, but maybe you folks wouldn't mind... 420 00:44:13,758 --> 00:44:15,454 ...the youngsters shacking up with you. 421 00:44:15,527 --> 00:44:17,358 After that long drive... 422 00:44:17,463 --> 00:44:20,126 ...we could use a little private time together. 423 00:44:20,967 --> 00:44:26,233 Honey, why don't you get the kids' things. Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils. 424 00:44:26,306 --> 00:44:28,136 I'll show you the home. 425 00:45:06,249 --> 00:45:08,240 That's a honey of a tree, Clark. 426 00:45:09,185 --> 00:45:10,344 Is it real? 427 00:45:11,353 --> 00:45:13,117 I dug it out of the ground myself. 428 00:45:13,188 --> 00:45:14,519 Is that a fact? 429 00:45:15,023 --> 00:45:16,719 Get out of there, Snots! 430 00:45:16,791 --> 00:45:17,780 Don't worry about it. 431 00:45:17,859 --> 00:45:20,384 A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. 432 00:45:20,530 --> 00:45:23,465 Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Pennzoil. 433 00:45:23,533 --> 00:45:26,366 He lifted his leg the next mornin'... 434 00:45:28,739 --> 00:45:31,606 If he drinks the water out of there, the tree's gonna dry up. 435 00:45:31,675 --> 00:45:33,370 Come on out of there. 436 00:45:34,710 --> 00:45:39,205 Get out of there. Go in the kitchen and get something to eat. 437 00:45:39,951 --> 00:45:41,645 He's cute, ain't he? 438 00:45:41,718 --> 00:45:45,620 Only problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. 439 00:45:45,889 --> 00:45:50,122 If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. 440 00:45:51,396 --> 00:45:55,231 You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants. 441 00:45:56,401 --> 00:45:57,892 A word of warning, though. 442 00:45:57,970 --> 00:46:01,200 If he does lay into you, it's best to just let him finish. 443 00:46:03,908 --> 00:46:07,503 I can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. 444 00:46:07,781 --> 00:46:09,248 Never thought the day would come. 445 00:46:09,316 --> 00:46:11,146 I'm excited about it, too. 446 00:46:12,251 --> 00:46:15,084 It's a cryin' shame the older kids couldn't make it. 447 00:46:18,825 --> 00:46:21,258 I'll get that. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 448 00:46:25,565 --> 00:46:29,763 I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey. 449 00:46:30,704 --> 00:46:34,505 The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. 450 00:46:35,108 --> 00:46:36,666 - College? - Carnival. 451 00:46:37,777 --> 00:46:39,040 You gotta be proud. 452 00:46:40,615 --> 00:46:44,813 Last season, he was a pixie dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. 453 00:46:45,119 --> 00:46:48,282 He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight... 454 00:46:48,355 --> 00:46:50,415 ...or barking for the Yak Woman. 455 00:46:51,959 --> 00:46:53,893 - You ever see her? - No. 456 00:46:53,961 --> 00:46:57,295 She got these big horns growing right out above her ears. 457 00:46:57,532 --> 00:47:00,023 She's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. 458 00:47:00,102 --> 00:47:01,296 And a hell of a good cook. 459 00:47:01,370 --> 00:47:04,066 Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? 460 00:47:04,139 --> 00:47:06,631 Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? 461 00:47:06,708 --> 00:47:08,870 No, I'm doing just fine. 462 00:47:09,444 --> 00:47:10,811 Just glad to be here. 463 00:47:12,482 --> 00:47:15,144 When did you get the tenement on wheels? 464 00:47:15,985 --> 00:47:18,818 Oh, that? That's an RV. 465 00:47:20,289 --> 00:47:21,985 I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. 466 00:47:22,058 --> 00:47:24,891 He took my house, I took the RV. 467 00:47:25,829 --> 00:47:27,820 It's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it? 468 00:47:28,499 --> 00:47:30,433 It looks so nice parked in the driveway. 469 00:47:30,502 --> 00:47:33,834 It sure does. Don't you go falling in love with it. 470 00:47:34,571 --> 00:47:37,665 We're taking it with us when we leave here next month. 471 00:47:47,519 --> 00:47:50,352 Get Ed Leftic up here to look over these figures! 472 00:47:50,922 --> 00:47:53,082 Retooling. That's a great excuse. 473 00:47:55,193 --> 00:47:57,526 Retooling?! I'll retool you! 474 00:48:00,533 --> 00:48:02,524 Mr. Shirley, Merry Christmas. 475 00:48:02,934 --> 00:48:04,196 Who's that? 476 00:48:05,137 --> 00:48:06,798 It's me, Clark Griswold. 477 00:48:07,039 --> 00:48:08,439 What do you want? 478 00:48:09,542 --> 00:48:13,877 My wife and I just came up with a little something special. It's a gift. 479 00:48:14,948 --> 00:48:17,542 Put it over there with the others, Greaseball. 480 00:48:28,229 --> 00:48:32,689 By the way, I hope my report helped out at the trade show. 481 00:48:37,571 --> 00:48:39,562 I'm sure it did, Grisball. 482 00:48:40,308 --> 00:48:43,642 If you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. 483 00:48:44,580 --> 00:48:45,945 Get me somebody. 484 00:48:46,081 --> 00:48:47,309 Anybody. 485 00:48:49,016 --> 00:48:50,677 And get me somebody while I'm waiting. 486 00:49:03,666 --> 00:49:07,830 This is a new non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant... 487 00:49:07,937 --> 00:49:09,267 ...my company's been working on. 488 00:49:09,339 --> 00:49:13,035 It creates a surface 500 times more slippery than cooking oil. 489 00:49:13,108 --> 00:49:15,543 We'll fly down the hill with this stuff. 490 00:49:15,945 --> 00:49:18,005 Has anyone ever used it on a sled? 491 00:49:18,082 --> 00:49:19,549 Not that I know of. 492 00:49:22,119 --> 00:49:25,110 Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. 493 00:49:25,455 --> 00:49:28,789 - You know the metal plate in my head? - How could I forget it. 494 00:49:28,958 --> 00:49:32,794 I had it replaced. Every time Catherine raved up the microwave... 495 00:49:32,931 --> 00:49:35,763 ...l'd piss in my pants and forget who I was. 496 00:49:36,134 --> 00:49:39,034 Over at the V.A., they had it replaced with a plastic one. 497 00:49:39,304 --> 00:49:41,295 That ain't as strong, so... 498 00:49:41,806 --> 00:49:43,967 I shouldn't go sailing down a hill... 499 00:49:44,041 --> 00:49:46,307 ...with nothing between the ground and my brain... 500 00:49:46,379 --> 00:49:48,609 ...but a piece of government plastic. 501 00:49:50,148 --> 00:49:51,911 You really think it matters, Eddie? 502 00:49:51,983 --> 00:49:54,816 The plate runs right underneath my part. 503 00:49:56,823 --> 00:49:59,155 Over here is nothing, but... 504 00:49:59,492 --> 00:50:04,327 ...if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't going to look right. 505 00:50:06,999 --> 00:50:08,466 I know the feeling. 506 00:50:09,836 --> 00:50:12,305 I better try this first. See how it works. 507 00:50:12,371 --> 00:50:14,202 Be careful there, Clark. 508 00:50:14,273 --> 00:50:16,208 Nothing to worry about, Eddie. 509 00:50:16,343 --> 00:50:20,747 Going for a new, amateur-recreational- saucer-sled land-speed record... 510 00:50:21,182 --> 00:50:23,673 Clark W. Griswold, Junior! 511 00:50:24,352 --> 00:50:27,684 Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional. 512 00:50:30,858 --> 00:50:32,190 Later, dudes. 513 00:50:33,529 --> 00:50:35,520 Let her rip. Hang ten. 514 00:50:53,249 --> 00:50:54,682 It's great! I'm dead! 515 00:51:40,933 --> 00:51:42,093 Bingo. 516 00:51:55,114 --> 00:51:57,048 - You're staying late? - Hi, Bill. 517 00:51:57,116 --> 00:51:58,447 Yeah. Just... 518 00:51:59,118 --> 00:52:02,610 ...finishing up a few things. Last day of the year for me. 519 00:52:03,288 --> 00:52:06,123 Have a really Merry Christmas. 520 00:52:07,460 --> 00:52:08,519 You, too. 521 00:52:11,032 --> 00:52:12,157 You okay? 522 00:52:13,233 --> 00:52:14,223 Yeah. 523 00:52:15,969 --> 00:52:18,461 Bill, did you get your bonus yet? 524 00:52:18,806 --> 00:52:20,707 Just talked to my son. 525 00:52:21,076 --> 00:52:23,909 Company messenger just brought something to my house. 526 00:52:24,379 --> 00:52:26,779 Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh? 527 00:52:27,983 --> 00:52:29,245 You get yours? 528 00:52:31,319 --> 00:52:34,015 If it isn't at the house, I'm sure it must be on its way. 529 00:52:34,089 --> 00:52:37,924 If I don't get that bonus, I'm in it up to here. 530 00:52:38,327 --> 00:52:40,090 Don't sweat it. It'll come. 531 00:52:40,161 --> 00:52:41,424 Merry Christmas. 532 00:52:41,496 --> 00:52:42,725 Same to you. 533 00:53:02,853 --> 00:53:06,687 "'Mele Kalikimaka' is the thing to say 534 00:53:07,357 --> 00:53:09,349 "On a bright Hawaiian 535 00:53:09,593 --> 00:53:11,255 "Christmas day. 536 00:53:12,363 --> 00:53:14,524 "That's the island greeting 537 00:53:14,699 --> 00:53:17,758 "That we send to you From the land 538 00:53:18,535 --> 00:53:20,868 "Where palm trees sway. 539 00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:23,831 "Here we know that Christmas 540 00:53:24,076 --> 00:53:25,805 "Will be green and bright 541 00:53:26,278 --> 00:53:28,542 "The sun to shine by day 542 00:53:28,713 --> 00:53:30,705 "And all the stars at night. 543 00:53:31,116 --> 00:53:35,280 "'Mele Kalikimaka' is Hawaii's way 544 00:53:35,621 --> 00:53:38,785 "To say 'Merry Christmas' to you." 545 00:54:54,036 --> 00:54:55,368 Santy Claus? 546 00:54:56,474 --> 00:54:58,805 Uncle Clark, are you Santy Claus? 547 00:54:59,077 --> 00:54:59,940 What? 548 00:55:03,815 --> 00:55:05,304 What? You scared me. 549 00:55:07,384 --> 00:55:09,318 No, I'm not Santa Claus. 550 00:55:12,825 --> 00:55:14,053 I wish I was. 551 00:55:16,328 --> 00:55:18,454 What are you doing up, sweetheart? 552 00:55:20,165 --> 00:55:21,826 Rocky bit my thumb. 553 00:55:22,500 --> 00:55:25,333 Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here. 554 00:55:26,506 --> 00:55:27,972 Nervous or excited? 555 00:55:28,508 --> 00:55:29,838 Shittin' bricks. 556 00:55:31,176 --> 00:55:32,667 You shouldn't use that word. 557 00:55:32,745 --> 00:55:35,236 Sorry. Shittin' rocks. 558 00:55:38,018 --> 00:55:41,476 Him's nervous because he don't know if he's gettin' nothin'. 559 00:55:44,457 --> 00:55:47,688 I don't think he should be nervous, and you shouldn't be, either. 560 00:55:47,762 --> 00:55:50,594 'Cause if you're good, Santa knows it. 561 00:55:51,431 --> 00:55:53,796 If you believe in him and in your mom... 562 00:55:53,867 --> 00:55:55,562 ...and you believe in... 563 00:55:55,869 --> 00:55:57,201 ...your dad... 564 00:55:58,372 --> 00:56:02,934 ...and you've been good all year round, Santa Claus will bring you something. 565 00:56:03,544 --> 00:56:06,707 Sometimes I think all that Santa crap is just bull. 566 00:56:07,215 --> 00:56:10,548 If he was so real, how come we didn't get squat last year? 567 00:56:10,785 --> 00:56:14,223 We didn't do nothin' wrong and we still got the shaft. 568 00:56:14,389 --> 00:56:18,382 Well, I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. 569 00:56:19,127 --> 00:56:21,219 And in the next couple of days... 570 00:56:21,730 --> 00:56:24,062 ...somehow, I'm gonna prove it to you. 571 00:56:25,401 --> 00:56:28,461 Every year, he comes to our house. I've seen him. 572 00:56:29,739 --> 00:56:30,797 It's true? 573 00:56:31,073 --> 00:56:32,405 Cross my heart. 574 00:56:36,145 --> 00:56:38,340 It's a good idea you came to stay with us. 575 00:56:38,414 --> 00:56:42,577 I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom. 576 00:56:42,752 --> 00:56:45,586 And your house is always parked in the same place. 577 00:56:49,093 --> 00:56:51,425 I think you better go back to bed, now. 578 00:56:55,265 --> 00:56:57,393 Okay. How come you ain't sleeping? 579 00:56:59,104 --> 00:57:01,265 I was looking for something. 580 00:57:04,944 --> 00:57:09,003 You didn't notice if a man came here and delivered a letter today, did you? 581 00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:11,512 Nope. How come? 582 00:57:11,783 --> 00:57:13,444 Just wondering. 583 00:57:19,124 --> 00:57:21,286 Now you get back to bed. Come here. 584 00:57:28,100 --> 00:57:30,898 Are you sure you ain't Santy Claus? 585 00:57:32,138 --> 00:57:33,162 I'm sure. 586 00:57:38,512 --> 00:57:40,480 I can't even afford to be an elf. 587 00:57:51,659 --> 00:57:55,822 I had two containers of K-rations... two containers... 588 00:57:56,163 --> 00:57:59,600 ...and I had Spam until it was coming out of my ears! 589 00:58:10,845 --> 00:58:12,710 Aren't you having any breakfast? 590 00:58:12,780 --> 00:58:14,442 No. Not in the mood. 591 00:58:16,019 --> 00:58:17,714 What are you looking at? 592 00:58:20,190 --> 00:58:23,353 The silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean... 593 00:58:23,525 --> 00:58:25,619 ...cool chill of the holiday air. 594 00:58:25,794 --> 00:58:29,458 An asshole, in a bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer. 595 00:58:34,771 --> 00:58:36,295 The shitter was full. 596 00:58:37,207 --> 00:58:39,142 Have you checked our shitters, honey? 597 00:58:39,209 --> 00:58:41,701 Clark, please. He doesn't know any better. 598 00:58:42,046 --> 00:58:44,240 He ought to know it's illegal. It's a storm sewer. 599 00:58:44,314 --> 00:58:48,718 If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it. 600 00:59:11,243 --> 00:59:12,904 Merry Christmas. 601 00:59:13,345 --> 00:59:14,869 The shitter was full. 602 00:59:29,763 --> 00:59:34,132 I have this suspicion that Catherine and Eddie don't have presents for their kids. 603 00:59:34,201 --> 00:59:38,866 Rocky said Eddie told him Santa Claus wasn't coming this year. 604 00:59:40,942 --> 00:59:45,878 Ruby Sue said the same thing last night. How can they have nothing for their kids? 605 00:59:45,946 --> 00:59:48,039 He's been out of work for almost seven years. 606 00:59:48,116 --> 00:59:50,381 In seven years he couldn't find a job? 607 00:59:50,452 --> 00:59:54,287 Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position. 608 00:59:58,292 --> 01:00:00,056 So, how's the live bait business? 609 01:00:00,128 --> 01:00:02,961 I can't complain. How you doing? 610 01:00:03,631 --> 01:00:05,293 Not that good, actually. 611 01:00:05,568 --> 01:00:09,231 Your company kill off all them people in India not long ago? 612 01:00:09,472 --> 01:00:11,736 No, we missed out on that one. 613 01:00:12,241 --> 01:00:14,732 You're pretty set so far as shopping goes? 614 01:00:15,144 --> 01:00:17,477 Well, I can't lie to you, Clark. 615 01:00:17,814 --> 01:00:20,409 The truth is, things ain't goin' too good at all. 616 01:00:20,485 --> 01:00:23,920 You know I told you I borrowed the RV from a neighbor? 617 01:00:24,554 --> 01:00:25,543 It's mine. 618 01:00:26,122 --> 01:00:27,317 We live in it. 619 01:00:27,591 --> 01:00:31,153 I had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres... 620 01:00:32,163 --> 01:00:36,657 All I kept was a 50-foot plot, the pigs and the worm farm. 621 01:00:39,003 --> 01:00:42,667 If I only had back the money me and Catherine sent that TV preacher... 622 01:00:42,741 --> 01:00:45,139 ...that was screwin' the hockey players. 623 01:00:46,344 --> 01:00:47,674 What about the kids? 624 01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:50,170 His kids can fend for themselves. 625 01:00:50,448 --> 01:00:51,780 Your kids. 626 01:00:53,085 --> 01:00:55,816 That's the bitch of it. I don't know what to do. 627 01:00:55,854 --> 01:01:00,348 We coasted into town on fumes. The gas money give out in Guerney. 628 01:01:04,596 --> 01:01:07,795 Ellen and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas. 629 01:01:07,868 --> 01:01:10,028 No, Clark, I couldn't do that. 630 01:01:10,569 --> 01:01:11,628 We insist. 631 01:01:11,870 --> 01:01:14,305 No, I'm not one for charity. 632 01:01:14,541 --> 01:01:17,977 I know that, Eddie. This isn't charity. It's family. 633 01:01:20,213 --> 01:01:22,148 I don't know about that. 634 01:01:22,382 --> 01:01:26,376 Now, come on, if you don't tell me what they want, I'll get it on my own. 635 01:01:31,559 --> 01:01:33,391 This is a surprise, Clark. 636 01:01:34,061 --> 01:01:36,222 This is a real nice surprise. 637 01:01:37,164 --> 01:01:39,725 Just a real nice surprise. 638 01:01:44,973 --> 01:01:45,996 Here's a list. 639 01:01:46,074 --> 01:01:48,564 Alphabetical, starting with Catherine. 640 01:01:49,077 --> 01:01:52,911 If it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. 641 01:01:53,049 --> 01:01:55,540 Something really nice. 642 01:02:13,236 --> 01:02:15,032 Is your house on fire, Clark? 643 01:02:15,272 --> 01:02:17,297 No Bethany, those are Christmas lights. 644 01:02:17,374 --> 01:02:19,171 Don't throw me down, Clark. 645 01:02:19,276 --> 01:02:20,607 I'll try not to. 646 01:02:21,278 --> 01:02:23,109 Is this the airport? 647 01:02:23,380 --> 01:02:24,608 We're here! 648 01:02:24,716 --> 01:02:28,277 Me and Bethany figured out the perfect gift for you. 649 01:02:28,385 --> 01:02:31,219 Uncle Louis, you didn't have to buy me anything. 650 01:02:31,289 --> 01:02:33,621 Damn it, Bethany, he guessed it. 651 01:02:34,291 --> 01:02:35,884 That was fun. 652 01:02:36,293 --> 01:02:38,625 I love riding in cars. 653 01:02:39,632 --> 01:02:41,964 When did you move to Florida? 654 01:02:45,070 --> 01:02:47,435 Are you still dating Clark? 655 01:02:51,076 --> 01:02:53,236 You know you shouldn't have done that. 656 01:02:53,312 --> 01:02:55,804 Oh, dear. Did I break wind? 657 01:02:56,483 --> 01:03:00,509 Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell, no. 658 01:03:00,654 --> 01:03:03,747 She means presents. You shouldn't have bought presents. 659 01:03:03,823 --> 01:03:07,759 It isn't every day somebody moves into a new house. 660 01:03:07,927 --> 01:03:10,088 They didn't move into a new house. 661 01:03:12,399 --> 01:03:13,627 In the living room. 662 01:03:15,670 --> 01:03:18,002 This house is bigger than your old one. 663 01:03:19,739 --> 01:03:21,901 Is Rusty still in the Navy? 664 01:03:23,176 --> 01:03:27,512 Why don't you go into the living room and say hello to everybody? 665 01:03:27,849 --> 01:03:30,943 Hello, everybody! I should say it? 666 01:03:35,222 --> 01:03:36,621 - Mom? - What? 667 01:03:37,025 --> 01:03:38,855 This box is meowing. 668 01:03:45,668 --> 01:03:47,294 She wrapped up her damn cat. 669 01:03:47,536 --> 01:03:50,471 - Take it in the kitchen. Open it up. - And have a cat running around? 670 01:03:50,539 --> 01:03:51,973 We can't leave it in the box. 671 01:03:52,041 --> 01:03:54,532 Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box? 672 01:03:54,877 --> 01:03:56,845 She gets confused. She's old. 673 01:03:56,946 --> 01:04:00,040 They don't have much money, so she takes things from the house... 674 01:04:00,116 --> 01:04:02,277 ...wraps them up, gives them away as presents. 675 01:04:02,351 --> 01:04:03,909 Can't wait to see what I got! 676 01:04:03,986 --> 01:04:05,647 This one here... 677 01:04:05,888 --> 01:04:07,150 ...is leaking. 678 01:04:13,297 --> 01:04:14,025 Lime. 679 01:04:14,498 --> 01:04:15,965 It's her Jell-O mold. 680 01:04:16,033 --> 01:04:20,231 I'll take it, Eddie. Go into the living room and enjoy yourself. 681 01:04:23,506 --> 01:04:25,236 Let's go find your sister. 682 01:04:46,466 --> 01:04:47,626 Before we begin... 683 01:04:48,300 --> 01:04:50,928 ...since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas... 684 01:04:51,437 --> 01:04:54,406 ...I think she should lead us in the saying of grace. 685 01:04:58,544 --> 01:04:59,672 What, dear? 686 01:05:01,747 --> 01:05:02,578 Grace! 687 01:05:04,117 --> 01:05:07,519 Grace? She passed away 30 years ago. 688 01:05:08,556 --> 01:05:10,786 They want you to say grace. 689 01:05:13,627 --> 01:05:15,789 The blessing. 690 01:05:32,681 --> 01:05:34,081 "I pledge allegiance... 691 01:05:34,317 --> 01:05:37,979 "...to the flag of the United States of America... 692 01:05:38,419 --> 01:05:40,081 "...and to the republic... 693 01:05:40,321 --> 01:05:44,588 "...for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible... 694 01:05:45,161 --> 01:05:48,494 "...with liberty and justice for all." 695 01:05:50,667 --> 01:05:51,395 Amen. 696 01:05:57,674 --> 01:06:01,610 Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks... 697 01:06:01,846 --> 01:06:04,440 ...I think we're all in for a very big treat. 698 01:06:08,619 --> 01:06:10,450 Save the neck for me, Clark. 699 01:06:26,972 --> 01:06:28,131 I'm sorry. 700 01:06:29,174 --> 01:06:30,232 Why are you crying? 701 01:06:30,308 --> 01:06:32,800 I told you we put it in too early. 702 01:06:33,446 --> 01:06:35,710 It's just a little dry. It's fine. 703 01:06:38,451 --> 01:06:39,508 Here's the heart. 704 01:07:40,517 --> 01:07:41,814 Aunt Bethany... 705 01:07:43,453 --> 01:07:45,579 Does your cat happen to eat Jell-O? 706 01:07:47,891 --> 01:07:49,792 I don't know about the cat... 707 01:07:50,193 --> 01:07:51,558 ...but I'm enjoying it. 708 01:08:04,908 --> 01:08:05,740 Kids... 709 01:08:06,645 --> 01:08:07,737 ...I heard on the news... 710 01:08:07,812 --> 01:08:12,443 ...that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way in from New York. 711 01:08:18,322 --> 01:08:19,550 You serious, Clark? 712 01:08:22,595 --> 01:08:26,086 Load me up with a little more there. It's good. 713 01:08:36,944 --> 01:08:38,672 What's wrong with the dog? 714 01:08:42,349 --> 01:08:47,115 He's just yackin' on a bone. He's got it up. He's all right now. 715 01:08:48,922 --> 01:08:51,482 Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table... 716 01:08:53,027 --> 01:08:54,688 No. 717 01:08:55,529 --> 01:08:58,521 He's probably just nosing through the trash. 718 01:09:08,676 --> 01:09:11,043 If you're not doing anything constructive... 719 01:09:11,113 --> 01:09:13,741 ...run into the living room, get my stogie. 720 01:09:15,216 --> 01:09:18,151 Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Louis? 721 01:09:18,586 --> 01:09:20,953 He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas. 722 01:09:22,157 --> 01:09:24,889 He keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas. 723 01:09:58,629 --> 01:09:59,926 That should be it. 724 01:10:16,347 --> 01:10:18,907 I told you, you had too many plugs in one outlet. 725 01:10:21,488 --> 01:10:22,419 What is it? 726 01:10:24,692 --> 01:10:27,627 Nothing. Let's go in and finish our dessert. 727 01:10:30,395 --> 01:10:33,456 If that thing had nine lives, she just spent them all. 728 01:10:38,472 --> 01:10:42,464 If you don't mind, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair. 729 01:10:43,177 --> 01:10:44,974 It's a good quality item. 730 01:10:47,081 --> 01:10:51,143 If you don't mind me askin', how much it set you back? 731 01:10:52,186 --> 01:10:53,778 Do you smell something? 732 01:10:56,057 --> 01:10:57,489 Fried pussycat. 733 01:11:00,228 --> 01:11:03,857 It's not the chair, it's some kind of gas coming from the sewer. 734 01:11:53,850 --> 01:11:55,147 My tree! 735 01:11:57,354 --> 01:11:59,381 So, what's the matter with you? 736 01:12:00,392 --> 01:12:02,485 Look what you've done to my tree! 737 01:12:17,877 --> 01:12:19,845 It was an ugly tree anyway. 738 01:12:20,679 --> 01:12:22,739 At least it's out of its misery. 739 01:12:23,416 --> 01:12:25,440 - Dad's gonna flip out. - Nobody's gonna flip out. 740 01:12:25,518 --> 01:12:27,986 We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas. 741 01:12:31,559 --> 01:12:32,957 What the hell do you want? 742 01:12:33,026 --> 01:12:35,825 I have a delivery for Clark W. Griswold. 743 01:12:35,997 --> 01:12:38,227 I was supposed to deliver it yesterday... 744 01:12:38,366 --> 01:12:42,700 ...but it fell between the seats and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. 745 01:12:49,878 --> 01:12:51,209 Merry Christmas. 746 01:12:52,447 --> 01:12:53,777 Merry Christmas. 747 01:12:57,719 --> 01:12:59,482 - I can't believe it. - What is it? 748 01:13:00,155 --> 01:13:02,989 A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse? 749 01:13:03,626 --> 01:13:04,820 It's from my company. 750 01:13:05,628 --> 01:13:06,423 Your bonus. 751 01:13:07,162 --> 01:13:08,060 My bonus. 752 01:13:13,835 --> 01:13:15,634 Open it, Clarkie. Open it. 753 01:13:16,307 --> 01:13:18,467 I hope it's a fortune. 754 01:13:19,142 --> 01:13:20,404 I bet you do. 755 01:13:25,281 --> 01:13:26,305 I was afraid... 756 01:13:26,582 --> 01:13:30,416 Are you going to bawl all over it, or are you gonna open it? 757 01:13:32,656 --> 01:13:36,524 I was gonna wait till tomorrow to tell you all this, but what the heck? 758 01:13:37,394 --> 01:13:40,762 With this bonus check, I'm putting in a swimming pool. 759 01:13:45,102 --> 01:13:47,333 That's it. That's the big one! 760 01:13:49,774 --> 01:13:50,832 Open it! 761 01:13:53,579 --> 01:13:57,014 I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately. 762 01:13:57,582 --> 01:13:59,379 I've been waiting for this bonus. 763 01:13:59,651 --> 01:14:01,780 To make sure the pool goes in when the ground thaws... 764 01:14:01,855 --> 01:14:03,845 ...I had to lay out the money in advance. 765 01:14:03,923 --> 01:14:08,086 Until this arrived, I didn't have enough to cover the check. 766 01:14:08,426 --> 01:14:10,622 Tear the sucker open, Dad. 767 01:14:12,365 --> 01:14:13,195 Drum roll. 768 01:14:22,109 --> 01:14:26,205 If there's enough left, I'll fly you all down to help us dedicate it. 769 01:14:30,317 --> 01:14:31,875 I can't swim, Clark. 770 01:14:33,254 --> 01:14:34,551 I know that, Eddie. 771 01:14:49,538 --> 01:14:50,732 What's wrong? 772 01:14:54,077 --> 01:14:56,408 It's bigger than you expected? 773 01:15:00,115 --> 01:15:01,082 Smaller? 774 01:15:03,921 --> 01:15:05,080 What is it? 775 01:15:06,891 --> 01:15:10,690 A one-year membership in the Jelly-of-the-Month Club. 776 01:15:11,860 --> 01:15:15,854 That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. 777 01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:19,068 That it is, Edward. 778 01:15:20,036 --> 01:15:21,197 That it is, indeed. 779 01:15:22,106 --> 01:15:23,266 I'm sorry. 780 01:15:25,443 --> 01:15:30,278 If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head punch in the face I ever got! Goddamn it! 781 01:15:31,316 --> 01:15:32,111 Son. 782 01:15:45,563 --> 01:15:47,224 It's good. 783 01:15:56,175 --> 01:15:59,770 If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me... 784 01:15:59,846 --> 01:16:01,143 ...I have one. 785 01:16:01,914 --> 01:16:04,644 I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. 786 01:16:05,652 --> 01:16:09,986 Brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane with all the rich people. 787 01:16:10,156 --> 01:16:12,148 I want him brought right here... 788 01:16:12,493 --> 01:16:16,827 ...with a big ribbon on his head and I want to look him straight in the eye... 789 01:16:17,097 --> 01:16:20,588 ...and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten... 790 01:16:20,666 --> 01:16:23,864 ...low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed... 791 01:16:24,005 --> 01:16:28,533 ...ignorant, bloodsucking, brainless, dickless, hopeless... 792 01:16:29,010 --> 01:16:32,672 ...heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped... 793 01:16:32,847 --> 01:16:35,839 ...worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! 794 01:16:36,184 --> 01:16:37,515 Hallelujah! 795 01:16:37,953 --> 01:16:40,353 Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? 796 01:16:53,970 --> 01:16:55,904 He has that crazy look in his eye. 797 01:16:55,972 --> 01:16:58,303 I told you we should have gone to Hawaii. 798 01:16:58,641 --> 01:17:01,202 Turn that thing off and get in the house! 799 01:17:01,978 --> 01:17:03,639 I'll talk to him, Mom. 800 01:17:07,217 --> 01:17:08,583 You know, Dad... 801 01:17:08,718 --> 01:17:10,310 ...l've been thinking. 802 01:17:11,888 --> 01:17:13,322 Good talk. 803 01:17:19,163 --> 01:17:22,131 Aren't you a teeny bit sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree? 804 01:17:22,232 --> 01:17:25,396 Even though they're dirty and messy and corny and clich�d? 805 01:17:25,903 --> 01:17:29,067 Where are you going to find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve? 806 01:17:48,394 --> 01:17:49,291 What's the matter? 807 01:17:51,598 --> 01:17:52,860 Was that really necessary? 808 01:17:55,368 --> 01:17:56,631 We needed a tree. 809 01:17:56,704 --> 01:17:58,364 May I remind you that... 810 01:17:58,538 --> 01:18:01,701 That this was all my idea? No, no. I'm well aware of that. 811 01:18:02,443 --> 01:18:05,776 Could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berserk? 812 01:18:06,113 --> 01:18:09,276 I didn't go berserk. I simply solved a problem. 813 01:18:11,552 --> 01:18:13,110 We needed a coffin. 814 01:18:14,455 --> 01:18:18,051 A tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. 815 01:18:18,460 --> 01:18:22,395 Louis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best I could. Voil�... 816 01:18:22,963 --> 01:18:24,191 Are you okay? 817 01:18:24,298 --> 01:18:25,891 I'm fine, honey. 818 01:18:50,493 --> 01:18:52,155 I fixed the newel post. 819 01:19:15,219 --> 01:19:16,618 What's that sound? 820 01:19:38,544 --> 01:19:39,875 Do you hear it? 821 01:19:40,879 --> 01:19:43,314 It's a funny, squeaking sound. 822 01:19:44,050 --> 01:19:48,543 You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. 823 01:19:50,056 --> 01:19:51,353 I hear it, too. 824 01:20:00,367 --> 01:20:01,391 I don't hear it anymore. 825 01:20:06,742 --> 01:20:08,073 Squirrel! 826 01:20:15,851 --> 01:20:17,751 What was it? Oh, my God! 827 01:20:24,092 --> 01:20:25,422 Quiet! Shut up! 828 01:20:39,108 --> 01:20:40,439 Mom, don't move. 829 01:20:42,945 --> 01:20:45,073 We can't let it out of the living room. 830 01:20:46,251 --> 01:20:49,117 Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things. 831 01:20:49,453 --> 01:20:53,048 Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol. 832 01:20:54,291 --> 01:20:55,553 Thank you, Catherine. 833 01:20:57,060 --> 01:20:58,288 I'll try and trap it. 834 01:20:58,462 --> 01:20:59,519 Russ! 835 01:20:59,762 --> 01:21:00,787 We're here, Dad. 836 01:21:01,431 --> 01:21:02,455 There you are. 837 01:21:03,635 --> 01:21:05,033 Go get the hammer. 838 01:21:05,302 --> 01:21:07,237 What do you need a hammer for? 839 01:21:07,472 --> 01:21:11,238 I'll catch it in the coat and smack it with the hammer. 840 01:21:18,651 --> 01:21:20,243 I'm going in with him. 841 01:21:23,988 --> 01:21:25,149 Nora? 842 01:21:28,761 --> 01:21:29,750 Is it gone? 843 01:21:29,828 --> 01:21:32,321 It probably got scared and ran back into the tree. 844 01:21:33,098 --> 01:21:34,828 Squirrel! 845 01:22:13,574 --> 01:22:17,705 You just march right over there and slug that creep in the face. 846 01:22:17,880 --> 01:22:19,405 I can't just attack someone. 847 01:22:19,482 --> 01:22:23,714 All right, then. If you're not man enough to put an end to this shit, then I am. 848 01:22:45,509 --> 01:22:46,203 Gone. 849 01:22:51,749 --> 01:22:53,341 Oh, my God. 850 01:22:56,520 --> 01:22:58,011 What happened to you? 851 01:23:10,936 --> 01:23:13,598 Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. 852 01:23:13,939 --> 01:23:16,806 Nobody walks out on this old-fashioned family Christmas. 853 01:23:16,875 --> 01:23:19,276 No, we're all in this together. 854 01:23:19,613 --> 01:23:22,605 This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency. 855 01:23:22,883 --> 01:23:26,215 We're going to press on and have the happiest Christmas... 856 01:23:26,385 --> 01:23:29,218 ...since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. 857 01:23:29,288 --> 01:23:32,314 And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down the chimney... 858 01:23:32,392 --> 01:23:36,385 ...he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. 859 01:23:36,597 --> 01:23:37,824 You're goofy. 860 01:23:38,131 --> 01:23:39,792 Don't piss me off, Art. 861 01:23:40,968 --> 01:23:44,062 - It's over. - Not according to Santa's watch, it isn't. 862 01:23:44,138 --> 01:23:45,400 Stay out of this, Dad. 863 01:23:45,473 --> 01:23:48,566 Clark, I think it's best if everyone just goes home. 864 01:23:48,910 --> 01:23:50,502 Before things get worse. 865 01:23:50,578 --> 01:23:53,570 Worse?! How could they get any worse? 866 01:23:53,815 --> 01:23:57,808 Look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell! 867 01:24:15,838 --> 01:24:16,827 Son. 868 01:24:18,674 --> 01:24:21,006 I love you. We all love you. 869 01:24:21,343 --> 01:24:24,836 But this is a terrible night. Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster. 870 01:24:25,616 --> 01:24:28,448 But losing your temper only makes things worse. 871 01:24:28,684 --> 01:24:31,347 You're too good a father to act like this. 872 01:24:33,356 --> 01:24:38,021 In years to come, you'll want your family to remember all the love you gave us... 873 01:24:38,294 --> 01:24:41,355 ...and how hard you tried to make the perfect Christmas. 874 01:24:41,966 --> 01:24:43,558 You just cocked it up. 875 01:24:46,537 --> 01:24:48,870 It's okay. It happens. 876 01:24:50,974 --> 01:24:53,308 All our holidays were always such a mess. 877 01:24:55,380 --> 01:24:57,177 How did you get through it? 878 01:24:58,050 --> 01:25:00,042 I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels. 879 01:25:09,729 --> 01:25:11,060 I love you. 880 01:25:15,668 --> 01:25:17,829 Will you recite "The Night Before Christmas"? 881 01:25:17,904 --> 01:25:20,236 No. It's your house. 882 01:25:20,506 --> 01:25:22,064 It's your Christmas. 883 01:25:23,242 --> 01:25:24,835 I'm retiring. 884 01:25:26,213 --> 01:25:29,080 "The children were nestled All snug in their beds 885 01:25:29,416 --> 01:25:32,408 "While visions of sugarplums Danced in their heads 886 01:25:33,020 --> 01:25:34,510 "And Mama in her kerchief 887 01:25:34,588 --> 01:25:38,582 "And I in my cap, just settled our brains For a long winter's nap 888 01:25:38,858 --> 01:25:42,351 "When out on the lawn There arose such a clatter 889 01:25:42,464 --> 01:25:44,694 "I sprang from my bed To see what was the matter 890 01:25:44,766 --> 01:25:46,893 "Away to the window I flew like a flash 891 01:25:47,068 --> 01:25:49,401 "Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash 892 01:25:49,604 --> 01:25:51,594 "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow 893 01:25:51,673 --> 01:25:54,198 "Gave a luster of midday to objects below 894 01:25:54,374 --> 01:25:56,707 "When what to my wondering eyes should appear 895 01:25:56,812 --> 01:25:58,507 "But a miniature sleigh..." 896 01:26:00,249 --> 01:26:01,113 ...and Eddie. 897 01:26:01,450 --> 01:26:04,112 And a man in his pajamas with a dog chain... 898 01:26:04,285 --> 01:26:06,720 ...tied to his wrists and ankles. What the...? 899 01:26:09,124 --> 01:26:10,286 Stay here. 900 01:26:16,632 --> 01:26:18,691 Merry Christmas, Clark. 901 01:26:19,969 --> 01:26:22,802 You about ready to do some kissin'? 902 01:26:24,474 --> 01:26:27,239 Officer, it seems my husband has been abducted. 903 01:26:27,477 --> 01:26:31,141 The man was wearing a blue leisure suit... 904 01:26:32,649 --> 01:26:37,587 ...and the plates were from Kansas. He was a huge, beastly, bulging man. 905 01:26:37,922 --> 01:26:40,253 I have never been treated like this in my life. 906 01:26:40,490 --> 01:26:42,823 I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping. 907 01:26:43,861 --> 01:26:45,089 You're fired. 908 01:26:45,497 --> 01:26:47,327 Where's the phone? I'm calling the police. 909 01:26:47,399 --> 01:26:49,390 Just hold your wad there, fella. 910 01:26:49,668 --> 01:26:53,502 Clark had nothin' to do with this. This here was my idea. 911 01:26:53,772 --> 01:26:57,334 All right. He's still fired and you are going to jail. 912 01:26:59,178 --> 01:27:00,770 It was my fault. 913 01:27:01,848 --> 01:27:06,011 I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I said a few things I shouldn't have. 914 01:27:06,185 --> 01:27:10,849 Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year. 915 01:27:12,026 --> 01:27:13,550 Thanks for telling us. 916 01:27:13,627 --> 01:27:16,959 I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club. 917 01:27:17,530 --> 01:27:21,524 In 17 years with the company, I've gotten a bonus every year, but this one. 918 01:27:21,869 --> 01:27:23,803 You don't want to give bonuses, fine! 919 01:27:23,970 --> 01:27:26,337 When people count on them as part of their salary... 920 01:27:26,573 --> 01:27:28,303 What you did just plain... 921 01:27:28,442 --> 01:27:29,500 Sucks. 922 01:27:31,378 --> 01:27:32,710 Thank you, Russ. 923 01:27:36,383 --> 01:27:39,217 My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain... 924 01:27:39,487 --> 01:27:41,044 I appreciate that. 925 01:27:42,389 --> 01:27:45,485 ...is innocent. I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this... 926 01:27:45,894 --> 01:27:49,888 ...on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas. 927 01:28:12,021 --> 01:28:14,924 Sometimes things look good on paper, but... 928 01:28:15,193 --> 01:28:19,094 ...lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. 929 01:28:20,097 --> 01:28:22,588 A healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if... 930 01:28:22,666 --> 01:28:25,760 ...to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on. 931 01:28:27,939 --> 01:28:32,433 It's people that make the difference. Little people, like you. 932 01:28:35,046 --> 01:28:37,037 So, Carl... 933 01:28:38,784 --> 01:28:40,808 ...whatever you got last year... 934 01:28:41,451 --> 01:28:43,784 ...add 20 percent. 935 01:29:36,845 --> 01:29:38,836 Go away, Todd. 936 01:29:39,981 --> 01:29:44,509 If you want to come in, you are gonna have to break down the goddamn door! 937 01:29:55,697 --> 01:29:58,861 Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! 938 01:30:10,380 --> 01:30:11,541 Freeze! 939 01:30:13,717 --> 01:30:15,549 Not you! Them! 940 01:30:25,396 --> 01:30:26,728 This way, please. 941 01:30:29,734 --> 01:30:31,667 I think you've made a terrible mistake. 942 01:30:32,002 --> 01:30:33,494 I told you to freeze, mister. 943 01:30:33,739 --> 01:30:34,966 May we blink? 944 01:30:41,747 --> 01:30:44,738 - Thank God you're all right. - I'm fine. I'm just fine. 945 01:30:45,083 --> 01:30:47,074 There was a big misunderstanding tonight. 946 01:30:47,620 --> 01:30:52,058 Excuse me. Would you and Mrs. Shirley like to step outside so we can finish here? 947 01:30:53,093 --> 01:30:55,686 - Don't bother. I'm not pressing charges. - What? 948 01:30:56,763 --> 01:30:58,060 It was a mistake. 949 01:30:58,130 --> 01:31:00,861 Mistake? Honey, you were kidnapped. 950 01:31:01,201 --> 01:31:03,260 I did something I shouldn't have... 951 01:31:03,437 --> 01:31:08,033 ...and these people called me on it. This is Clark Griswold and his family. 952 01:31:08,442 --> 01:31:09,932 Welcome to our home. 953 01:31:11,278 --> 01:31:12,678 What's left of it. 954 01:31:12,780 --> 01:31:14,144 Release B Squad. 955 01:31:14,448 --> 01:31:15,882 What's going on here? 956 01:31:16,117 --> 01:31:20,451 Remember how I was toying with the notion of suspending Christmas bonuses? 957 01:31:21,122 --> 01:31:22,453 You didn't. 958 01:31:22,723 --> 01:31:26,057 Of all the cheap, lousy ways to save a buck! 959 01:31:26,294 --> 01:31:27,728 That's pretty low, mister. 960 01:31:28,297 --> 01:31:29,889 If I had a rubber hose... 961 01:31:29,965 --> 01:31:32,296 I changed my mind. I'm reinstating all the bonuses. 962 01:31:37,907 --> 01:31:39,568 Look! 963 01:31:41,978 --> 01:31:43,137 Look! 964 01:31:49,818 --> 01:31:51,480 It's Santy Claus. 965 01:31:55,325 --> 01:31:57,486 Uncle Clark, it's Santy Claus. 966 01:31:58,995 --> 01:32:00,690 It's the Christmas star. 967 01:32:01,165 --> 01:32:02,996 And that's all that matters tonight. 968 01:32:04,668 --> 01:32:08,502 Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. 969 01:32:09,106 --> 01:32:10,437 See, kids... 970 01:32:11,442 --> 01:32:13,843 It means something different to everybody. 971 01:32:16,114 --> 01:32:17,910 Now I know what it means to me. 972 01:32:19,849 --> 01:32:22,183 That ain't the frigging Christmas star. 973 01:32:22,354 --> 01:32:25,517 It's the light on the sewage treatment plant. 974 01:32:25,790 --> 01:32:27,121 Sewer gas. 975 01:32:29,128 --> 01:32:30,493 Don't drop that! 976 01:32:40,540 --> 01:32:43,032 "And the rocket's red glare 977 01:32:44,042 --> 01:32:47,206 "The bombs bursting in air 978 01:32:47,980 --> 01:32:50,211 "Gave proof through the night 979 01:32:51,317 --> 01:32:54,811 "That our flag was still there 980 01:32:55,889 --> 01:32:58,050 "Oh, say does that 981 01:32:58,125 --> 01:33:02,721 "Star-spangled banner yet wave 982 01:33:05,065 --> 01:33:08,057 "O'er the land of the free 983 01:33:10,738 --> 01:33:14,732 "And the home of the brave?" 984 01:33:19,248 --> 01:33:20,839 Play ball! 985 01:33:28,924 --> 01:33:30,915 Merry Christmas, Sparky. 986 01:33:31,928 --> 01:33:33,554 Merry Christmas, honey. 987 01:34:02,660 --> 01:34:03,787 I did it.