1
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,821
Ha, ha, ha.
Home sweet home.

2
00:00:46,773 --> 00:00:48,627
Thanks, Cochise.

3
00:01:07,021 --> 00:01:10,435
No, you fucking idiot! I've worked
at a restaurant my whole life.

4
00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:23,141
Shit! It gonna be
that kind of a party,

5
00:01:23,238 --> 00:01:25,441
I'm gonna stick my dick
in the mashed potatoes!

6
00:01:33,442 --> 00:01:36,889
- Guess who. Hi, Dean. It's Mom.
- Ah, shit.

7
00:01:36,992 --> 00:01:38,682
I know you're not gonna
forget lunch with me,

8
00:01:38,784 --> 00:01:41,750
but I thought I'd call
just to make sure.

9
00:01:41,854 --> 00:01:44,853
Oh, hey.

10
00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:47,029
I forgot you were here.

11
00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:49,620
Yeah, I know. I know.

12
00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:53,845
- What?
- Nothing.

13
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,013
I'll see you at work, okay?

14
00:03:04,541 --> 00:03:07,769
Hey, there, Natasha.
How's my favorite minor doing today?

15
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:10,769
Hung over.
I got so shitty last night.

16
00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:14,103
On a school night?
Kids today.

17
00:03:14,202 --> 00:03:17,648
I must say, there's nothing more attractive
than tainted youth.

18
00:03:18,519 --> 00:03:21,366
Yes. I am indeed a pervert.

19
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,534
- Does that offend you?
- Nope.

20
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,841
I think that most tainted youths
end up being perverts.

21
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,811
Good answer.

22
00:03:31,826 --> 00:03:34,192
Oh, and Monty,
just so you know,

23
00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:35,914
I'm only a minor
for another week.

24
00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:37,805
I turn 18 on Wednesday.

25
00:03:37,903 --> 00:03:41,001
Well, then I guess I better hurry up then.
I don't have much time.

26
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,629
- Hey, Dan.
- Hey, Monty.

27
00:03:46,732 --> 00:03:49,579
- How you doing?
- Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day.

28
00:03:49,675 --> 00:03:52,608
I want you to show him around.
Train him on everything while it's slow,

29
00:03:52,713 --> 00:03:56,192
and when the dinner rush hits,
we'll have him watch the training videos.

30
00:03:56,296 --> 00:03:58,881
Mitch, just listen to
what Monty says today,

31
00:03:58,983 --> 00:04:00,706
and we'll have you out
on the floor by early next week.

32
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:02,300
- Sound good?
- Yeah.

33
00:04:02,405 --> 00:04:04,641
All right then. Give him a quick tour
before your shift starts.

34
00:04:04,741 --> 00:04:06,234
Good stuff.

35
00:04:08,963 --> 00:04:12,278
Well, Mitch, first thing.
You ever worked in a restaurant before?

36
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:15,254
- Actually, yeah...
- Well, it doesn't really matter anyway.

37
00:04:15,361 --> 00:04:17,182
Working in a restaurant's
all about learning a routine.

38
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,377
Everything that Dan wants me
to show you, teach you,

39
00:04:20,478 --> 00:04:21,819
all that can be learned
in a few hours.

40
00:04:21,918 --> 00:04:23,859
But...

41
00:04:23,965 --> 00:04:26,582
if you wanna work here,

42
00:04:27,996 --> 00:04:30,100
in this restaurant,

43
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,024
I really think that
you need to ask yourself

44
00:04:32,122 --> 00:04:35,023
one simple question.

45
00:04:37,207 --> 00:04:40,752
How do you feel about
frontal male nudity?

46
00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,241
- What the heck...
- Pretty fucked up, huh?

47
00:04:55,344 --> 00:04:58,474
You see, the reason that I ask
is most of the guys that work here

48
00:04:58,575 --> 00:05:02,348
like to play this little game that involves
flashing their genitalia to each other.

49
00:05:02,446 --> 00:05:04,420
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

50
00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:06,280
Now, the exact object
of the game

51
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:10,340
is to get the other participants to unknowingly
look at your testicles and/or penis.

52
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:13,092
And if they do, you ridicule them mercilessly
for being a fag

53
00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:15,232
and get to kick them
in the ass.

54
00:05:15,336 --> 00:05:17,091
- But that's...
- I know. I know.

55
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:21,347
It's demented, depraved,
senseless.

56
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,452
All true.

57
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,939
Now there are rules to the game...
different variations on how to show your dick

58
00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,931
and/or balls which allow for more kicks.

59
00:05:29,027 --> 00:05:30,814
But we're gonna get
into that later.

60
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:34,142
Right now, the first thing
that you have to do

61
00:05:34,241 --> 00:05:38,549
is look deep inside yourself and figure out
if you can take an eyeful of that.

62
00:05:42,590 --> 00:05:46,679
So are you taking any interesting classes
this semester?

63
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,241
Well, yeah.
I'm only taking the two classes,

64
00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:49,907
but I like 'em both.

65
00:05:50,011 --> 00:05:51,952
I really like my teachers.
Cool guys.

66
00:05:52,057 --> 00:05:53,813
Both have mustaches,
which is a little weird.

67
00:05:53,913 --> 00:05:55,854
- Well, that's just terrific.
- Yeah.

68
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,471
- Guess who I ran into yesterday?
- Who's that?

69
00:05:59,574 --> 00:06:03,086
Nancy Miller and her son Chet.
You remember Chet Miller, don't you?

70
00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:06,035
Oh, yeah.
I remember Chet. Yeah.

71
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:09,360
- I haven't seen that guy since high school.
- Well, he was away at college.

72
00:06:09,459 --> 00:06:11,345
Right.

73
00:06:11,441 --> 00:06:14,789
Didn't you two have all the same
honors classes together?

74
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:17,099
Yeah, we sure did.

75
00:06:17,199 --> 00:06:20,678
- Yeah, it sounds like he's doing really well.
- I'll bet.

76
00:06:20,782 --> 00:06:24,742
Seems he just graduated with
a bachelor's degree in electrical engineering.

77
00:06:24,844 --> 00:06:28,072
Wow. His parents must
really be proud, huh?

78
00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,220
Well, I'm gonna go.
Always love these get-togethers.

79
00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:36,167
I think we really
broke through there.

80
00:06:37,032 --> 00:06:41,601
Let me tell you something.
My trainer, that bastard,

81
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,286
he didn't prewarn me at all.

82
00:06:44,388 --> 00:06:46,809
He set me up big time.

83
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:54,455
- Right around that corner.
- Okay.

84
00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,965
Look at the log, bitch.

85
00:07:02,941 --> 00:07:05,177
There are few things
in this world more unsettling

86
00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:07,218
than going into the back
to grab condiments,

87
00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:11,696
and ending up staring
at a huge, steaming pile of cock.

88
00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:33,574
Hey, Serena.

89
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,388
- Hey, babe.
- What's up, Hangover?

90
00:07:37,487 --> 00:07:38,828
I'm not hung over.

91
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,674
- Oh, you and Monty were crazy last night.
- Yeah, it was cool.

92
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:43,398
How about you?
You have a good time?

93
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:47,329
I would've had a better time if somebody
hadn't been ignoring me all night.

94
00:07:47,435 --> 00:07:48,547
Was that me?

95
00:07:48,651 --> 00:07:50,919
Think Monty and I got
a little carried away.

96
00:07:51,018 --> 00:07:53,918
- Oh, I swear, when you two are together.
- You're perverts! All of you.

97
00:07:54,024 --> 00:07:57,732
If you guys can go five minutes without
referencing your genitals, I'll be amazed.

98
00:07:57,831 --> 00:08:00,066
I know what you're thinking now.

99
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:02,172
You think we're all gay, don't you?

100
00:08:02,277 --> 00:08:04,894
Think we're all just a bunch
of deviant lifestyle-living,

101
00:08:04,996 --> 00:08:07,329
same-sex having motherfuckers,
am I right?

102
00:08:07,427 --> 00:08:08,987
Yeah.

103
00:08:09,090 --> 00:08:12,253
Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby
to bed right now.

104
00:08:12,352 --> 00:08:14,686
None of the guys
that work here are gay.

105
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:18,841
I mean, I'll stick my finger in my ass every
now and again when I'm feeling squirrelly,

106
00:08:18,942 --> 00:08:20,916
but that's about
the extent of it.

107
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,499
It's absolutely true.
I've seen him do it.

108
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,294
See what I mean?
Perverts.

109
00:08:26,395 --> 00:08:28,369
Hey, I've seen you use
more than a finger.

110
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:30,034
- Oh!
- Bye, babe.

111
00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:34,960
- What's up, buddy?
- Nothin', man. What's going on?

112
00:08:36,791 --> 00:08:38,765
What? What?

113
00:08:41,301 --> 00:08:43,853
- What's wrong?
- I'll tell you later.

114
00:08:45,043 --> 00:08:47,857
Listen, man. You got nothing
to worry about. It's just a game.

115
00:08:47,955 --> 00:08:50,442
- Exactly.
- And besides, you know,

116
00:08:50,545 --> 00:08:53,162
if heterosexual men can't show
their cocks to each other,

117
00:08:53,264 --> 00:08:55,751
- then what the hell are we doing here?
- Amen, brother.

118
00:08:56,527 --> 00:08:58,599
You're adorable.

119
00:09:03,532 --> 00:09:06,465
Hey, Bishop.
This is Mitch.

120
00:09:06,571 --> 00:09:08,032
He's the new guy.

121
00:09:20,805 --> 00:09:23,008
I want you to do
a couple things for me.

122
00:09:24,483 --> 00:09:29,719
First, I want you to observe very closely
your surroundings today.

123
00:09:29,826 --> 00:09:32,247
Take everything in.

124
00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:35,351
Leave no mental stone unturned.

125
00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:37,342
Can you do that for me, Mitch?

126
00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:40,316
Good.

127
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,030
Then I want you think about

128
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:46,644
what your life would be like
if you had been born blind.

129
00:09:50,969 --> 00:09:52,114
Thanks, Bishop.

130
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:54,736
Go. Go, go, go, go, go.

131
00:09:57,143 --> 00:09:59,214
As you can see,
this is a wait station.

132
00:09:59,318 --> 00:10:01,456
This is where you're gonna get the ice,
the soft drinks, the condiments,

133
00:10:01,556 --> 00:10:03,344
the doggie bags,
et cetera and so forth.

134
00:10:03,444 --> 00:10:06,258
That's the computer where you're gonna put
the food and drink orders in.

135
00:10:06,354 --> 00:10:08,492
I hate this fucking place
sometimes, you know.

136
00:10:08,594 --> 00:10:11,626
Why the fuck do we need four more people
on at this time of day, man?

137
00:10:11,729 --> 00:10:13,451
Look at this place!
It's fucking dead.

138
00:10:13,552 --> 00:10:17,511
I swear, Dan needs to clean the shit
out of his fucking brain sometimes, man.

139
00:10:17,614 --> 00:10:21,922
Fucking asshole.
What are you looking at, fuckwad?

140
00:10:22,028 --> 00:10:26,151
That's Naomi. And she's been
working here way too long.

141
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,565
But she's actually a pretty sweet girl
when she's drunk. Let's go.

142
00:10:29,674 --> 00:10:32,706
Come on, baby.
It's nothin' like that.

143
00:10:32,808 --> 00:10:35,621
It's true. You just treat me
like a piece of meat.

144
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,263
Not just any piece of meat, baby.
A prime rib.

145
00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:43,194
- Really?
- Uh-huh. Baby, you're oozin' with sexuality.

146
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,438
Yeah, but why does it always
have to be about my looks?

147
00:10:45,538 --> 00:10:47,993
Just 'cause I dress slutty
doesn't mean I am slutty.

148
00:10:48,098 --> 00:10:52,220
Okay. This is for deliveries.
There's the Dumpster for the trash.

149
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,068
Also, if you wanna get out of the restaurant
and chill out, here you go.

150
00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:58,907
And these two fun-loving pieces of wannabe
gangster shit are Nick and Theodore.

151
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:02,136
How many fucking times I told you, man?
It's the fucking T-dog, yo.

152
00:11:02,236 --> 00:11:03,992
- Sorry, G.
- Hey, yo, bitch.

153
00:11:05,115 --> 00:11:07,187
What makes you think
I won't cut you?

154
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:09,395
Aw. Come on, now, dog.

155
00:11:09,497 --> 00:11:11,536
You know I'm just fucking with you.

156
00:11:11,641 --> 00:11:15,436
You know I give you the mad,
phat, superfly, stupid-dope,

157
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,876
dumb-ass, retarded,
bomb-shit props.

158
00:11:17,974 --> 00:11:20,144
Yo, it's almost 4:20, dog.
Let's go.

159
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:27,335
Those guys should be sterilized.
And I'm not kidding at all.

160
00:11:27,442 --> 00:11:29,449
You don't talk much,
do you, Mitch?

161
00:11:29,553 --> 00:11:32,007
- Actually, you haven't really given...
- That's okay.

162
00:11:32,112 --> 00:11:34,696
'Cause I didn't talk much when I first started
working here either.

163
00:11:34,799 --> 00:11:36,903
You just gotta get used
to your surroundings.

164
00:11:37,006 --> 00:11:39,241
- What's up, Poncho?
- Hey, Raddimus. How you doin'?

165
00:11:39,341 --> 00:11:42,755
Actually, more importantly,
how are you and Danielle doing?

166
00:11:42,859 --> 00:11:45,673
I saw that you guys
were arguing, and...

167
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:48,901
Shit, you know, it would be
a shame if you guys broke up.

168
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,172
You two are
really good together.

169
00:11:52,264 --> 00:11:56,418
Fuck off, okay. Even if we did break up,
you stand no chance in hell, man.

170
00:11:56,518 --> 00:12:00,673
She got this thing about dating grown men
who've had sex with 16-year-old girls.

171
00:12:00,773 --> 00:12:02,659
See, that's the problem
with women, okay?

172
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,570
They're always trying to project
their own values on you.

173
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:07,870
Whatever.
Anyway, this is Mitch.

174
00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:09,943
He just started today,
so I thought I'd give you the pleasure

175
00:12:10,049 --> 00:12:13,211
of explaining the finer points
of the game to him.

176
00:12:13,312 --> 00:12:16,158
Oh, virgin blood.
Follow me.

177
00:12:16,254 --> 00:12:17,595
Come here.
I wanna talk to you.

178
00:12:17,694 --> 00:12:19,864
Thanks, Raddimus.
Be gentle.

179
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:22,615
- There you go, Dean.
- Aw, thanks, Tyla. You rock.

180
00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:24,853
Yeah, Tyla, you're the coolest girl
in the whole school.

181
00:12:24,955 --> 00:12:26,547
Hey, man.

182
00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:29,780
Tyla, every time I look at you,
I wish I was a lesbian.

183
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,108
Oh, what a coincidence.
Every time I look at you,

184
00:12:33,208 --> 00:12:35,662
- I'm glad I'm a lesbian.
- Ouch.

185
00:12:37,205 --> 00:12:40,238
Oh, hey, Christy.
It's just Calvin callin'.

186
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,227
Just starting to work the double.

187
00:12:42,324 --> 00:12:44,145
You owe me.

188
00:12:44,243 --> 00:12:47,176
No, I was kiddin'.
You don't really owe me anything.

189
00:12:47,282 --> 00:12:50,728
So, I was just callin' ya,
'cause it's kind of dead here right now.

190
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,450
So, I don't know.

191
00:12:53,551 --> 00:12:56,300
Give me a call back.
I'm at work.

192
00:12:57,294 --> 00:12:59,017
Duh. Duh.

193
00:12:59,117 --> 00:13:02,694
Come on. Talk to me, Goose.
What's wrong?

194
00:13:02,796 --> 00:13:04,802
Remember Chet Miller
from high school?

195
00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:07,905
- Tall guy, kind of smelled like my dad's ass?
- That's the one.

196
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:11,653
My mother told me he graduated with his
bachelor's degree in electrical engineering.

197
00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:13,605
Yeah, so?

198
00:13:13,703 --> 00:13:16,768
Well, you know, we were in all
the same classes in high school.

199
00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:18,691
We're the same fucking age.

200
00:13:18,789 --> 00:13:20,544
Well, yeah.
But electrical engineering?

201
00:13:20,644 --> 00:13:23,064
- Come on. Screw that noise.
- Yeah, but come on, man.

202
00:13:23,171 --> 00:13:26,039
We haven't even graduated
from community college.

203
00:13:26,146 --> 00:13:27,901
Haven't even got
our A.A. Degree.

204
00:13:28,001 --> 00:13:31,066
Then when we do, what? What the hell
can you do with an A.A. Degree anyway?

205
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,982
You can get a job substitute teaching
for retarded kids or something.

206
00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:35,256
Exactly.

207
00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:39,317
That's the dish area back there.
This is where you pick up the food.

208
00:13:39,421 --> 00:13:41,973
That's Floyd. Floyd!

209
00:13:42,075 --> 00:13:43,984
Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch.

210
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:47,253
Okay, that's the dry area, man.
That's where we keep all the condiments.

211
00:13:47,354 --> 00:13:49,841
Right over here.
This is the cooler.

212
00:13:49,944 --> 00:13:52,845
The milk and vegetables, whatever.

213
00:13:52,951 --> 00:13:55,984
Back here is the freezer.
You'll find the meat...

214
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,420
Okay, so let me tell you
about this little game we play.

215
00:13:58,517 --> 00:14:01,964
I assume Monty went over
the basic idea with you, right?

216
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:03,855
- Yeah, he...
- You know the object, right?

217
00:14:03,955 --> 00:14:06,288
To have the other guy
look at you naked.

218
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,230
Are you okay with that?

219
00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:13,677
What are you, some kind of a fucking sick,
demented pervert, huh?

220
00:14:13,774 --> 00:14:17,089
- No. I was... He told me.
- Come on, bro. I'm just fucking with you.

221
00:14:17,198 --> 00:14:18,659
Look, man, we're all sick.
All right?

222
00:14:18,765 --> 00:14:22,179
Now, look.
The main thing to remember

223
00:14:22,283 --> 00:14:26,024
is to get the other guy to unknowingly
look at your cock and balls.

224
00:14:26,122 --> 00:14:29,252
Okay, don't just fucking pull down your pants
and say, "Look at my dick!"

225
00:14:29,352 --> 00:14:31,261
You gotta be sneaky.

226
00:14:31,368 --> 00:14:34,595
I'm gonna go through the positions with you.
The first one's the easiest.

227
00:14:34,694 --> 00:14:37,279
Call that one "The Look."
All right?

228
00:14:37,381 --> 00:14:39,715
All you gotta do, pull down your pants
real quick, show 'em the goods.

229
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:43,455
If they look, you get to
kick 'em in the ass once.

230
00:14:43,555 --> 00:14:48,026
Second one is called
"The Brain." Right?

231
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:52,153
What you gotta do is isolate your nuts
with your fist.

232
00:14:52,256 --> 00:14:54,775
Okay, now, take the time
to look at it, okay?

233
00:14:54,878 --> 00:14:58,260
Because it bears
a striking resemblance to...

234
00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,891
Aha. Brain. Yeah.

235
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,690
Okay. For that you get
two kicks.

236
00:15:04,794 --> 00:15:09,778
- So...
- The third one, I call it the "Bat Wing."

237
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:14,134
Okay. What you do is you take
the excess skin from your nuts,

238
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:18,451
and you take it and you make it flat
like paper, all right?

239
00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:21,198
Now, once again, you take
the time to appreciate this.

240
00:15:21,299 --> 00:15:25,007
You see that it looks all veiny and alive
like a bat wing, all right?

241
00:15:25,106 --> 00:15:29,806
If they look, they get
three kicks, all right?

242
00:15:29,904 --> 00:15:31,180
But you can't forget this,
all right?

243
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,483
You gotta call 'em
a fag, okay?

244
00:15:33,582 --> 00:15:36,363
Very important.
The game loses it's meaning

245
00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:38,468
if you don't humiliate them
for being a fucking meatcake.

246
00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:39,749
You got that?

247
00:15:39,852 --> 00:15:41,542
I just don't understand

248
00:15:41,644 --> 00:15:43,847
why your mom gives you
so much shit anyway.

249
00:15:43,946 --> 00:15:45,123
I don't know, man.
You know.

250
00:15:45,226 --> 00:15:47,298
She's my mom. She wants me
to succeed in life.

251
00:15:47,401 --> 00:15:49,408
Yeah. Whatever the hell that means.

252
00:15:49,512 --> 00:15:51,933
Jesus, I'm just glad
my mom's not like that.

253
00:15:52,039 --> 00:15:55,486
So I called your house
today at 2:00.

254
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:56,899
You were still asleep,
weren't you?

255
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,819
That's an understatement.

256
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,534
So what did you do last night?
I trust my little angel

257
00:16:01,635 --> 00:16:03,293
didn't do anything immoral.

258
00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:05,946
Well, let's see.

259
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:09,942
I started by getting completely
hammered drunk. It was bad.

260
00:16:10,047 --> 00:16:13,941
Then drove while intoxicated to pick up
this disease-infested prostitute.

261
00:16:15,453 --> 00:16:17,111
Uh-huh.

262
00:16:17,212 --> 00:16:20,724
From there, let's see. Me and the hooker
went back to my place...

263
00:16:20,828 --> 00:16:22,452
The hooker and I.

264
00:16:22,555 --> 00:16:26,448
Excuse me. The hooker and I
went back to my place.

265
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,407
And from there...

266
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:32,365
God, it was just a blur of intravenous
drug abuse and unprotected sex

267
00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:34,891
while taking
the Lord's name in vain.

268
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:40,521
Dean, did you know that when Monty was
a child, everyone thought he was retarded?

269
00:16:40,692 --> 00:16:43,276
Dean, doesn't my mom
look old?

270
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,744
I mean, like, much older
than she rightfully should?

271
00:16:45,842 --> 00:16:50,575
So why aren't you and Serena still together?
I liked her.

272
00:16:50,671 --> 00:16:52,558
I don't know.
I guess it got old.

273
00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:54,564
We had a relationship
based on orgasms.

274
00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:56,491
Oh, how charming.

275
00:16:56,589 --> 00:16:58,890
You are being safe,
aren't you?

276
00:16:58,988 --> 00:17:02,053
I don't think I could handle
the idea of you reproducing.

277
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:05,896
Come on, Mom.
Of course I'm being safe.

278
00:17:05,994 --> 00:17:07,749
I pull out.

279
00:17:07,849 --> 00:17:09,604
Yes, well, your father
pulled out too,

280
00:17:09,704 --> 00:17:12,158
but we've all seen
the tragic end of that story.

281
00:17:12,262 --> 00:17:14,879
You think I wanna have kids?
Absolutely not.

282
00:17:14,982 --> 00:17:17,599
That's why I stick to anal sex.

283
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:21,026
If only I had been so lucky.

284
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,563
Okay, so that's
the Abraham Lincoln.

285
00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:27,835
But remember, you have to shave it
so it looks like his beard.

286
00:17:27,936 --> 00:17:29,691
Otherwise, it don't count.

287
00:17:29,791 --> 00:17:33,783
Now the last one.
The last one is called "The Goat."

288
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,983
Okay, it's a bit trickier.
But if you can pull it off,

289
00:17:37,085 --> 00:17:39,833
you are a god among men,
all right?

290
00:17:39,932 --> 00:17:43,858
What you do is you take
your nuts and your dick, right?

291
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,816
And you tuck it underneath.

292
00:17:45,913 --> 00:17:49,653
Pull your pants down,
show it, all right?

293
00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:51,539
With it sticking out the backside.
You got that?

294
00:17:51,639 --> 00:17:55,914
Okay, well, that just about covers
all the different variations that we have.

295
00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:57,930
But you know, we're always
looking for new positions.

296
00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:00,937
So next time you got a little down time,
you find yourself a little bored,

297
00:18:01,043 --> 00:18:02,417
play with your nuts,
you know what I'm saying?

298
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,902
See what you come up with, okay?
It's all good.

299
00:18:05,009 --> 00:18:08,652
All right. I really only have one thing
I wanna talk about today,

300
00:18:08,752 --> 00:18:12,296
and that's teamwork.

301
00:18:12,399 --> 00:18:13,991
When the dinner rush hits
and things start to get hectic,

302
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,994
you all have a tendency to start yelling
and screaming at one another.

303
00:18:17,101 --> 00:18:22,249
That's just dumb and senseless, 'cause
you're only gonna be hurting yourselves.

304
00:18:22,346 --> 00:18:27,134
Let's think about it. If you upset the hostess,
she's not gonna seat you.

305
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,395
If you upset the busboys, they're not gonna
care if your table's ready.

306
00:18:31,495 --> 00:18:34,876
If you upset the cooks, they're not gonna care
if your food's taking too long.

307
00:18:34,982 --> 00:18:37,086
- The brain!
- Ah, shit!

308
00:18:37,188 --> 00:18:39,293
Oh, the brain!

309
00:18:39,395 --> 00:18:42,525
I think you're all
great waiters and waitresses.

310
00:18:42,626 --> 00:18:46,236
And you should be able to rely on one another
when you're in the weeds.

311
00:18:46,337 --> 00:18:51,899
Remember, gang. The difference between
ordinary and extraordinary

312
00:18:51,999 --> 00:18:53,853
is that little extra.

313
00:18:53,949 --> 00:18:56,665
All right. That's all
I have for you today.

314
00:18:56,764 --> 00:18:59,316
Let's have a great shift.

315
00:18:59,419 --> 00:19:02,037
Oh, uh, push the fish.
It's about to turn.

316
00:19:02,138 --> 00:19:04,242
That's it.

317
00:19:06,233 --> 00:19:10,028
- Dean, can I have a word with you?
- Sure.

318
00:19:14,101 --> 00:19:15,923
- Have a seat, Dean.
- Thanks, Dan.

319
00:19:20,531 --> 00:19:23,377
- How long you been a waiter?
- Since I was 18,

320
00:19:23,473 --> 00:19:25,447
so about four years.

321
00:19:25,552 --> 00:19:28,813
Wow. You don't wanna be
a waiter forever, do you?

322
00:19:28,912 --> 00:19:30,405
What do you mean?

323
00:19:30,511 --> 00:19:34,437
Carson got promoted to GM
over at Riverside,

324
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,093
so we need a new
assistant manager.

325
00:19:37,196 --> 00:19:39,105
I'd like to offer
the job to you.

326
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,894
- Are you serious?
- Heck, yeah, I'm serious.

327
00:19:41,994 --> 00:19:44,644
Now I'm not gonna lie to you.
The job comes with more responsibility,

328
00:19:44,745 --> 00:19:46,566
but it offers a lot more rewards.

329
00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:49,052
You get full medical, dental,
two-weeks' paid vacation,

330
00:19:49,159 --> 00:19:51,809
and I might add,
a hefty pay increase.

331
00:19:51,910 --> 00:19:54,364
- I do pretty well.
- Cool.

332
00:19:54,469 --> 00:19:56,225
It is cool.

333
00:19:56,324 --> 00:20:01,276
And, let's not forget the power.

334
00:20:01,378 --> 00:20:04,247
- Right.
- Control.

335
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:08,246
You tell people to do things,
and they have to do it,

336
00:20:08,351 --> 00:20:10,293
or they get in trouble.

337
00:20:10,398 --> 00:20:14,553
I mean, you're in the driver's seat here.
Your finger's on the button.

338
00:20:14,653 --> 00:20:17,205
- Think about it.
- Okay.

339
00:20:17,308 --> 00:20:20,154
Well.

340
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,526
- Are you okay? If you're not interested...
- No, no, no.

341
00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:27,283
It's not that I'm not interested,
I just...

342
00:20:27,384 --> 00:20:30,448
Sorry, Dan, just a lot of things...
Can I take a little while to think about it?

343
00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,142
Yeah. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.

344
00:20:32,246 --> 00:20:35,179
Take your time.
Yeah, don't rush, you know.

345
00:20:35,285 --> 00:20:37,226
Talk about it next week
or something like that.

346
00:20:37,332 --> 00:20:39,273
- Cool. Thanks, Dan.
- Let me ask you something.

347
00:20:39,379 --> 00:20:42,280
- What's that?
- Why don't we hang out?

348
00:20:42,386 --> 00:20:45,996
- Oh. Like...
- Why don't we hang out more often?

349
00:20:46,097 --> 00:20:47,590
- We do at work.
- You and me.

350
00:20:47,696 --> 00:20:50,509
I was thinking to myself last night,
laying in bed, going,

351
00:20:50,606 --> 00:20:54,118
"Why don't Dean and I hang out?
We're practically the same guy."

352
00:20:56,876 --> 00:21:00,006
I-I-I sort of have a core group of friends.
You have your own friends and...

353
00:21:00,106 --> 00:21:02,342
You know what?
You'd think I do. I don't.

354
00:21:02,442 --> 00:21:04,862
- Has anyone seen Dean?
- Oh, he's in the back talking to Dan.

355
00:21:04,969 --> 00:21:07,040
Yeah, you wanna know
what they're talking about?

356
00:21:07,144 --> 00:21:09,379
Dan wants to make Dean
assistant fuckin' manager.

357
00:21:09,479 --> 00:21:12,228
- Well, did he take the job?
- I don't know. I couldn't...

358
00:21:12,325 --> 00:21:14,496
He better fuckin' not have.

359
00:21:14,596 --> 00:21:15,970
Okay, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.

360
00:21:16,068 --> 00:21:18,009
I gotta warn you. Take my car,
what do you think's gonna happen?

361
00:21:18,116 --> 00:21:20,416
- Yeah, I don't really think...
- Score.

362
00:21:20,514 --> 00:21:22,172
Okay.

363
00:21:22,273 --> 00:21:24,247
God.

364
00:21:24,353 --> 00:21:26,326
Hey, so what was that about?

365
00:21:26,432 --> 00:21:29,180
Nothing important.
Just bullshit.

366
00:21:30,718 --> 00:21:32,605
What?

367
00:21:34,621 --> 00:21:37,075
Hey, there, folks. My name's Dean.
I'll be your waiter today.

368
00:21:37,179 --> 00:21:39,382
Can get you something to drink while
you're looking at the menus?

369
00:21:39,483 --> 00:21:44,118
Hi, there, guys. My name is Serena,
and I'll be taking care of you today.

370
00:21:44,217 --> 00:21:47,696
Hey, there, ladies. Hi, my name is Amy,
and I'll be your waitress today.

371
00:21:47,799 --> 00:21:50,646
Is there anything I can get you to drink
while you're looking at the menus?

372
00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:54,570
Yeah, I want a single shot of whiskey
and a double-shot of whiskey,

373
00:21:54,677 --> 00:21:57,578
and she'll have a water.

374
00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:00,049
You know, what the hell?
It's our anniversary.

375
00:22:00,146 --> 00:22:01,672
Why don't you bring her
a Pepsi?

376
00:22:01,777 --> 00:22:03,565
You'll be taking care of us?

377
00:22:03,665 --> 00:22:05,519
I like the sound of that.

378
00:22:06,607 --> 00:22:08,395
I like that.

379
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,120
Okay, I don't mean
to be a bitch,

380
00:22:10,222 --> 00:22:13,537
but the last four times we've come here,
the food was awful.

381
00:22:13,645 --> 00:22:18,596
Well, I apologize for
the food the last few times,

382
00:22:18,699 --> 00:22:21,447
and we will certainly do our best
to make sure that doesn't happen again.

383
00:22:21,546 --> 00:22:23,400
Yeah, that's what
the last waitress said.

384
00:22:25,064 --> 00:22:29,154
- Can I get an extra side of blue cheese?
- Sir, yes, sir.

385
00:22:30,790 --> 00:22:33,789
Right. Blue cheese
for you, stat.

386
00:22:33,892 --> 00:22:39,040
- Have a good day, big guy.
- Thanks.

387
00:22:39,138 --> 00:22:43,130
Assistant Manager Jackoff.

388
00:22:43,233 --> 00:22:46,428
Come on, you worthless dick.

389
00:22:46,527 --> 00:22:48,534
Just pee.

390
00:22:48,638 --> 00:22:49,848
Fuck.

391
00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:53,174
I'll try the other hand maybe.

392
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,976
Goddamn it.

393
00:22:58,074 --> 00:23:00,212
I can't believe you would
do that to me.

394
00:23:00,314 --> 00:23:04,022
No, that's it. Do not...
Do not call me back.

395
00:23:04,121 --> 00:23:06,934
Hey. Are you okay?

396
00:23:08,182 --> 00:23:10,767
I'm about this close to
swearing off men altogether.

397
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:14,217
Let me get you another drink.

398
00:23:14,420 --> 00:23:16,329
All right, see what
Serena's doing right there?

399
00:23:16,435 --> 00:23:19,533
- She's baiting those poor saps.
- I love Patrick Swayze.

400
00:23:19,634 --> 00:23:21,521
- Yeah?
- Yeah, you kind of remind me of him.

401
00:23:21,617 --> 00:23:23,558
I guarantee you they're gonna
leave her a fat tip.

402
00:23:23,729 --> 00:23:27,404
Women, they're so fuckin' wily.

403
00:23:28,719 --> 00:23:31,052
Oh, but poor, Amy.
She's a different story.

404
00:23:31,150 --> 00:23:33,004
She was D.O.A.
From the very beginning.

405
00:23:33,101 --> 00:23:37,190
And by extra lemon we mean enough
for our waters and then some more.

406
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,200
Look at the scowl
on that woman's face.

407
00:23:39,306 --> 00:23:40,680
- It's all my fault.
- That would be lovely.

408
00:23:40,778 --> 00:23:42,119
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

409
00:23:42,217 --> 00:23:43,165
- Don't worry.
- You are too kind.

410
00:23:43,273 --> 00:23:45,606
She'll be lucky to get
ten percent.

411
00:23:45,703 --> 00:23:47,557
I'm surprised you didn't
give those guys a lap dance.

412
00:23:47,655 --> 00:23:50,469
Oh, what's that, jealousy?

413
00:23:50,565 --> 00:23:54,176
- Women troubles, Amy?
- I just don't understand

414
00:23:54,276 --> 00:23:58,333
what would compel a person to be
such a bitch to a total stranger.

415
00:23:58,434 --> 00:24:02,622
- Maybe she was abused as a child.
- Oh, God. I fucking hope so.

416
00:24:03,617 --> 00:24:05,372
Oh, man.
You look really pissed.

417
00:24:05,472 --> 00:24:07,326
- You really are an asshole.
- Shenaniganz.

418
00:24:07,422 --> 00:24:10,836
- Fuck you.
- He has a shy bladder.

419
00:24:10,942 --> 00:24:13,526
- So is there...
- Mitch, go in the back, check out the cooks.

420
00:24:13,629 --> 00:24:16,181
I'll be there in
a few minutes, okay?

421
00:24:18,298 --> 00:24:20,948
So, what do you think
of Natasha?

422
00:24:21,050 --> 00:24:24,594
- I think she's illegal.
- Yeah. I've made peace with that.

423
00:24:24,695 --> 00:24:27,956
Seriously, look at her. You know
she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.

424
00:24:28,055 --> 00:24:29,712
Statutory rape.

425
00:24:29,814 --> 00:24:31,602
On the other hand,
maybe she is too young.

426
00:24:31,701 --> 00:24:33,457
Like that's ever
stopped you before.

427
00:24:33,556 --> 00:24:36,043
That is a very,
very good point.

428
00:24:36,148 --> 00:24:40,302
And I'm convinced Natasha will be mine.
Thanks for the advice, buddy.

429
00:24:40,401 --> 00:24:42,539
- Hey, anytime.
- Yeah.

430
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,160
- What's going on with you and Amy?
- What's up, Obsession?

431
00:24:45,263 --> 00:24:48,775
- Shut up.
- So how long have you two been...

432
00:24:48,878 --> 00:24:51,659
- Three months. Shit or get off the pot time.
- Yep.

433
00:24:51,757 --> 00:24:55,531
- Has even hinted that he's aware of it?
- No, he's acting oblivious.

434
00:24:55,627 --> 00:24:58,692
Are you gonna talk to her or hope you're never
forced to make an actual decision?

435
00:24:58,794 --> 00:25:01,281
- I'm going with option "B".
- That's my boy.

436
00:25:01,385 --> 00:25:04,417
- Have you talked to him about it?
- No. I'm playing hard to get.

437
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,617
Oh, but haven't you slept
with him the past five nights?

438
00:25:07,719 --> 00:25:09,540
Well, not real hard to get.

439
00:25:09,638 --> 00:25:12,637
She really is a little badass though.
And fun to hang out with. Laid back.

440
00:25:12,740 --> 00:25:14,496
Maintenance fees are really low.
I like that.

441
00:25:14,595 --> 00:25:19,066
Yeah, she's a cool chick. I'd do her.
Hell, I'd probably even pay.

442
00:25:20,449 --> 00:25:22,041
I would.

443
00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:25,078
I don't know, man. I'm not even
thinking about Amy right now.

444
00:25:25,184 --> 00:25:27,550
- Who are you thinking about?
- Chet Miller.

445
00:25:27,646 --> 00:25:29,620
Come on, man!
You're wracked with regret

446
00:25:29,726 --> 00:25:32,888
just because some old fuck-boy
classmate graduated college?

447
00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:37,848
Are you gonna take
the assistant manager job?

448
00:25:37,946 --> 00:25:39,375
Wait. How the hell
do you know about that?

449
00:25:39,482 --> 00:25:41,717
Are you fucking kidding me?
You know this place.

450
00:25:41,816 --> 00:25:43,670
People with the day off
already know.

451
00:25:43,768 --> 00:25:48,141
Half of me is like take the job. I could
really use the money. It's a smart move.

452
00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:51,594
But the other half's like,
"Am I fucking nuts?"

453
00:25:51,701 --> 00:25:54,634
Do I really wanna
end up like Dan?

454
00:25:56,083 --> 00:25:58,799
Busted.

455
00:26:02,257 --> 00:26:06,052
Hey, Rocco?
It's Dan down at Shenaniganz.

456
00:26:06,158 --> 00:26:08,067
Got another one for ya.

457
00:26:08,174 --> 00:26:10,595
All right.

458
00:26:10,701 --> 00:26:12,228
Not on my watch.

459
00:26:12,332 --> 00:26:15,527
And there you go, folks.

460
00:26:15,627 --> 00:26:17,830
Damn, boy. What the hell
took so long?

461
00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:20,798
Well, you had
the two well-done steaks,

462
00:26:20,904 --> 00:26:22,660
so it usually takes
a little while to cook.

463
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,963
Yeah, well, could you
get me some more ketchup?

464
00:26:25,063 --> 00:26:27,877
Sure. No problem.

465
00:26:29,829 --> 00:26:32,959
Nothin' sets off the flavor
of a steak like some ketchup.

466
00:26:33,060 --> 00:26:36,703
And his mouth tasted
just like buttermilk.

467
00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:39,223
Hey, Monty? Could you
drop off my food, please?

468
00:26:39,330 --> 00:26:41,565
I can't deal with
that bitch anymore.

469
00:26:43,583 --> 00:26:45,687
No problem.

470
00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:47,449
It's go time, Mitch.

471
00:26:49,405 --> 00:26:53,495
Hey, there, ladies. Amy's busy
so I thought I'd bring your food out.

472
00:26:53,595 --> 00:26:55,602
But I still have
some salad left.

473
00:26:55,771 --> 00:26:58,933
Oh, well, would you like me to take the food
back and bring it out in a few minutes?

474
00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,302
Yeah, and let it dry out
under the heat lamps?

475
00:27:01,401 --> 00:27:02,807
Just give me the food.

476
00:27:02,904 --> 00:27:05,423
Okay. There you go.

477
00:27:05,527 --> 00:27:10,926
Wait. Did that waitress
listen to a word I said?

478
00:27:11,029 --> 00:27:12,850
This steak is medium rare.

479
00:27:12,948 --> 00:27:17,735
I asked for it medium. And I wanted
extra gravy on my mashed potatoes.

480
00:27:17,842 --> 00:27:21,582
Let me ask you something.
How hard is your job?

481
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,705
How intelligent do you have to be
to take a food order?

482
00:27:25,806 --> 00:27:26,983
- Jesus!
- Ma'am.

483
00:27:27,086 --> 00:27:31,307
Ma'am, you're absolutely right,
and I apologize.

484
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:35,398
I'm gonna get this fixed
for you right away.

485
00:27:35,499 --> 00:27:38,313
Good. Now I can
finish my salad.

486
00:27:38,410 --> 00:27:40,067
Okay.

487
00:27:46,694 --> 00:27:51,548
Gentlemen, we have our first
official bee-atch of the day.

488
00:27:51,652 --> 00:27:54,848
Oh, come on, guys.
She wasn't that bad, was she?

489
00:27:54,946 --> 00:27:58,174
Well, Amy, it's your table.
You decide.

490
00:28:03,039 --> 00:28:05,078
She was a fucking bitch!
Do it.

491
00:28:06,846 --> 00:28:08,700
Yo, we need to get
some fucking hydroponics

492
00:28:08,797 --> 00:28:10,618
so we can grow
our own shit, yo.

493
00:28:10,716 --> 00:28:14,424
Hells, yes. Soon as we get the hydro,
we can run this city like the fuckin' mob.

494
00:28:14,523 --> 00:28:17,871
I swear, we gotta grow it, smoke it, sell it.
We'd be a fucking pimp.

495
00:28:17,977 --> 00:28:19,886
Yo, and you know the bitches
be lovin' that shit.

496
00:28:19,993 --> 00:28:22,643
We'll get more fuckin' puss
than Busta, more than Dre,

497
00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:24,717
more than fuckin' Snoop Dogg.

498
00:28:24,823 --> 00:28:26,480
So it's on then?
We're getting the fucking hydro.

499
00:28:26,582 --> 00:28:29,036
We're gonna run this city
like the motherfucking mob.

500
00:28:29,141 --> 00:28:32,173
The first thing we do is add a little extra gravy
to the mashed potato.

501
00:28:37,937 --> 00:28:41,830
Ah, that's it. Good job, buddy.
Nice one.

502
00:28:41,936 --> 00:28:45,283
Followed by a thin spread
of cheese for your garlic bread.

503
00:28:45,391 --> 00:28:48,172
- Some "fromunda" cheese.
- Yeah, make us proud.

504
00:28:50,125 --> 00:28:52,229
Fresh from the taint.
We like this. Good.

505
00:28:52,331 --> 00:28:56,007
- Up next, what we're gonna do...
- How about a little guacamole for the steak?

506
00:28:56,107 --> 00:28:59,749
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

507
00:28:59,848 --> 00:29:03,229
Come on, man. You can't be mixing
Mexican and Continental.

508
00:29:03,335 --> 00:29:06,203
Come on, man.
I thought you was better than that.

509
00:29:07,333 --> 00:29:10,496
All right.
How about a little garlic salt?

510
00:29:13,443 --> 00:29:16,191
That's what I'm talking about.
Finesse, baby!

511
00:29:16,290 --> 00:29:18,329
These guys have
a deep commitment to their job.

512
00:29:18,433 --> 00:29:23,165
Finally, a garnish
of alfalfa sprouts.

513
00:29:23,263 --> 00:29:24,692
Adds a touch of cla...

514
00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:32,306
Touch of class to any meal.

515
00:29:33,467 --> 00:29:35,441
There we go.

516
00:29:35,547 --> 00:29:37,334
Oh, God.

517
00:29:37,433 --> 00:29:39,320
Good stuff.

518
00:29:47,541 --> 00:29:50,257
I'll pull out my motherfuckin' shotty.

519
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:51,403
Pull up like John Gotti.

520
00:29:51,508 --> 00:29:55,020
I'll have the motherfucker on the carpet.
I fucked that bitch!

521
00:29:55,122 --> 00:29:56,780
Hell, yeah, motherfucker.
We be down...

522
00:29:56,881 --> 00:30:00,175
Okay, Nicholas,
Theodore. Boys.

523
00:30:00,272 --> 00:30:02,159
It doesn't take ten minutes
to take out the trash.

524
00:30:02,256 --> 00:30:05,069
Now, if you don't get your asses out front
and start doing some work,

525
00:30:05,166 --> 00:30:08,329
I'm gonna fire you faster than you can say,
"Yo, MTV Raps."

526
00:30:08,429 --> 00:30:09,411
- Yes, sir.
- I'm sorry?

527
00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:11,338
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

528
00:30:16,650 --> 00:30:18,471
Hey, Rocco.

529
00:30:18,569 --> 00:30:20,990
Yeah, right there.

530
00:30:25,286 --> 00:30:27,173
Here you go, ma'am.

531
00:30:28,165 --> 00:30:31,393
I had the chefs take
extra special care of it for you.

532
00:30:31,492 --> 00:30:33,465
I'm truly sorry
for the inconvenience.

533
00:30:44,958 --> 00:30:48,305
You know, we should probably feel guilty,
but she broke the cardinal rule:

534
00:30:48,413 --> 00:30:52,121
Don't fuck with people
that handle your food.

535
00:30:52,220 --> 00:30:54,706
All right. How you guys doin'?
Everything prepared okay?

536
00:30:54,810 --> 00:30:57,394
Could be better.
It'll do.

537
00:30:57,497 --> 00:31:00,594
I'm sorry. Is there anything
I can do to make it better?

538
00:31:00,696 --> 00:31:03,183
Yeah, get me an extra roll.

539
00:31:03,286 --> 00:31:04,627
And bring me the check.

540
00:31:04,726 --> 00:31:06,252
Sure.

541
00:31:06,358 --> 00:31:08,299
No problem.

542
00:31:08,405 --> 00:31:10,608
And I'm gonna sing
that bitch a fucking 187.

543
00:31:10,707 --> 00:31:12,746
All right then, Calvin.

544
00:31:12,851 --> 00:31:15,217
Just relax and start
at the beginning.

545
00:31:15,314 --> 00:31:16,590
Okay.

546
00:31:17,809 --> 00:31:23,655
About three months ago I just finished my shift,
and I really had to take a piss.

547
00:31:23,758 --> 00:31:27,979
So, I go into the bathroom.

548
00:31:28,077 --> 00:31:31,654
And I'm at the urinal,
just waiting for the flow,

549
00:31:31,755 --> 00:31:33,577
minding my own business.

550
00:31:33,675 --> 00:31:37,470
When I notice out of
my peripheral vision

551
00:31:37,576 --> 00:31:42,331
the guy standing next to me
was looking straight at my dick.

552
00:31:42,439 --> 00:31:45,121
He's just staring at it
like they're old pals.

553
00:31:45,222 --> 00:31:47,392
I could practically hear
what he was thinking.

554
00:31:47,493 --> 00:31:51,321
"Whoa. That's a nice dick."

555
00:31:52,451 --> 00:31:53,944
And that's it.

556
00:31:54,050 --> 00:31:56,766
Since that time, I haven't been able
to use a public bathroom.

557
00:31:56,865 --> 00:31:58,272
Goodness.

558
00:31:58,369 --> 00:32:00,408
And the next time I tried to take a leak,
I could've sworn

559
00:32:00,511 --> 00:32:03,357
the guy standing next to me was staring at me,
and I freaked.

560
00:32:06,237 --> 00:32:08,953
Quit staring at my dick!

561
00:32:09,052 --> 00:32:12,117
In retrospect, I think
I might've been mistaken.

562
00:32:12,219 --> 00:32:14,291
What about the stall?

563
00:32:14,394 --> 00:32:16,182
No, it didn't work either.

564
00:32:16,281 --> 00:32:21,462
Every time I go to take a piss, I get the image
of that guy's eyes on my shank.

565
00:32:21,559 --> 00:32:24,853
And then that's when
I start hearing the voices.

566
00:32:24,950 --> 00:32:26,324
Voices?

567
00:32:26,421 --> 00:32:29,387
I get this paranoid feeling
there are people outside the stall,

568
00:32:29,492 --> 00:32:32,458
and they know I'm having
a difficult time taking a piss.

569
00:32:32,563 --> 00:32:36,391
I can hear them saying,
"What's taking him so long?

570
00:32:36,497 --> 00:32:39,016
Why can't he just piss
like a normal person?

571
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,486
I don't hear any peel"

572
00:32:41,583 --> 00:32:43,622
I'm really fucked up.

573
00:32:44,558 --> 00:32:47,207
Psychosomatic auditory
hallucinations.

574
00:32:48,908 --> 00:32:50,817
Most people have to pay
for such a thing.

575
00:32:50,923 --> 00:32:52,297
So what the hell should I do?

576
00:32:52,395 --> 00:32:53,736
Well, first,

577
00:32:54,698 --> 00:32:57,566
you need to think about how this problem
affects other parts of your personality.

578
00:32:57,673 --> 00:32:59,461
- Oh.
- See, I recommend...

579
00:33:06,661 --> 00:33:08,068
Oh, bro, that ain't right, man.

580
00:33:08,164 --> 00:33:12,767
- Take a look at the bat wing, bitch!
- Oh, it's so veiny.

581
00:33:14,850 --> 00:33:19,387
Damn, Raddimus. Does Danielle know that
you like to go both ways? How does that work?

582
00:33:21,087 --> 00:33:22,515
Sweet victory.

583
00:33:24,734 --> 00:33:27,253
Good job, asshole.

584
00:33:30,235 --> 00:33:32,373
I'm sorry. Go ahead.

585
00:33:35,961 --> 00:33:39,343
Hello, sir. My name is Monty.
This is my trainee, Mitch.

586
00:33:39,447 --> 00:33:43,472
- How are you doing today?
- Oh, I'm slipping gradually into senility.

587
00:33:43,574 --> 00:33:47,599
Really? Do you consider that
a good thing or a bad thing?

588
00:33:47,700 --> 00:33:49,455
Well, it's a mixed bag.

589
00:33:49,555 --> 00:33:54,572
It's good in the sense that
I can take walks in my underwear.

590
00:33:54,673 --> 00:33:57,291
I can give small children
the middle finger.

591
00:33:57,392 --> 00:34:00,969
But as long as I look happy
while I'm doing it,

592
00:34:01,071 --> 00:34:03,622
people just assume I'm senile.

593
00:34:03,726 --> 00:34:05,514
Yeah, so what's the bad?

594
00:34:05,613 --> 00:34:09,223
Well, sometimes I give
small children the middle finger

595
00:34:09,324 --> 00:34:13,348
and don't realize I'm doing it
until someone slaps me.

596
00:34:13,514 --> 00:34:16,262
So I really am going senile.

597
00:34:16,361 --> 00:34:18,727
Alzheimer's can't be all bad.

598
00:34:18,824 --> 00:34:20,863
You get a chance to meet
new people every day.

599
00:34:24,294 --> 00:34:27,609
- I like you, Monty.
- I like you too, sir.

600
00:34:27,716 --> 00:34:30,170
I like you too, Monty.

601
00:34:30,275 --> 00:34:32,859
So what could I get you
to drink?

602
00:34:32,962 --> 00:34:34,456
I trust you.

603
00:34:35,617 --> 00:34:38,964
You know what?
You can count on me, sir.

604
00:34:41,630 --> 00:34:43,484
I don't even care if
he gives me a poor tip,

605
00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:46,069
that is the coolest old man
I've met in my entire life.

606
00:34:46,172 --> 00:34:48,506
- How's your table?
- Couple of hicks.

607
00:34:48,603 --> 00:34:50,806
- Yikes.
- Yeah, but the check total's $63,

608
00:34:50,907 --> 00:34:53,972
so even if they tip 15 percent
I should make 10 bucks.

609
00:34:54,074 --> 00:34:57,934
You're a bastard. So far I've made
15 percent of jack shit.

610
00:35:00,662 --> 00:35:01,807
Jesus.

611
00:35:05,077 --> 00:35:08,142
There you go, buddy.
It's all you.

612
00:35:08,243 --> 00:35:12,497
Thanks a lot.
We'll see you next time.

613
00:35:21,742 --> 00:35:23,400
How much did they leave you?

614
00:35:23,501 --> 00:35:25,508
$1.91.

615
00:35:25,612 --> 00:35:29,189
No fucking way.

616
00:35:38,407 --> 00:35:42,115
Excuse me, sir.
You forgot your change.

617
00:35:42,214 --> 00:35:45,180
No. That's for you.
That's your tip.

618
00:35:45,285 --> 00:35:46,975
Oh, no, no, no.
I insist. You take it.

619
00:35:47,076 --> 00:35:51,165
You obviously need this
more than I do.

620
00:35:51,267 --> 00:35:55,542
I wanna speak to your manager now, please.
This is horse shit.

621
00:35:55,649 --> 00:35:58,015
Okay, Mitch, you see what
Dean did there?

622
00:35:58,112 --> 00:35:59,966
Don't ever do that.

623
00:36:00,062 --> 00:36:02,396
- What, did he stiff you?
- He might as fucking well have.

624
00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,664
Two bucks on a $63 check.

625
00:36:04,765 --> 00:36:06,586
Oh, damn.
That is pretty shitty.

626
00:36:06,684 --> 00:36:11,897
For insulting me I should get some free
gift certificates and a key chain and a hat.

627
00:36:11,994 --> 00:36:13,335
Absolutely, sir. Yes.

628
00:36:13,434 --> 00:36:15,953
And how about a couple of sundaes
with some nuts on 'em?

629
00:36:16,057 --> 00:36:18,805
Yeah, I will have Natasha
take down all your information,

630
00:36:18,903 --> 00:36:21,236
and I will make sure corporate
sends those to you.

631
00:36:21,334 --> 00:36:23,570
You're gonna mail me a sundae?
I want it now.

632
00:36:23,669 --> 00:36:28,043
Get in here. You wanna explain to me
what the heck you were thinking?

633
00:36:28,147 --> 00:36:30,088
Insulting a customer like that?

634
00:36:30,195 --> 00:36:32,615
You're right. I know.
I know. He just...

635
00:36:32,722 --> 00:36:36,201
I'm having a really bad day, Dan, and that guy
caught me at the worst possible moment.

636
00:36:36,304 --> 00:36:38,856
- I'm sorry. I lost it.
- You're sorry?

637
00:36:38,959 --> 00:36:41,511
I don't understand.
I've never gotten a complaint on you.

638
00:36:41,614 --> 00:36:44,395
And you had to pick the day
I offer you a promotion?

639
00:36:44,493 --> 00:36:46,281
I promise you it won't
happen again, okay?

640
00:36:46,380 --> 00:36:50,469
Opportunity is knocking at the door.
If you don't wanna answer it, fine.

641
00:36:50,570 --> 00:36:52,325
There are people who
would jump at the chance.

642
00:36:52,426 --> 00:36:54,247
Calvin is chomping at the bit
for this job.

643
00:36:54,345 --> 00:36:58,653
I am offering you an opportunity to take it
to the next level, earn more money.

644
00:37:02,278 --> 00:37:05,092
I want an answer by the end
of your shift... tonight!

645
00:37:05,189 --> 00:37:07,708
And Dean,
this is an exploding offer.

646
00:37:07,811 --> 00:37:11,585
I don't work within
the exact boundaries of the law,

647
00:37:11,682 --> 00:37:14,364
because I wasn't consulted
when the goddamn laws were made.

648
00:37:14,464 --> 00:37:18,260
No, instead, nameless,
faceless politicians,

649
00:37:18,367 --> 00:37:22,970
the so-called protectors of the moral majority
decide what is right and what is wrong.

650
00:37:23,069 --> 00:37:24,956
I mean, come on!

651
00:37:25,053 --> 00:37:28,761
I govern my life around my own personal code
of ethics, and I suggest you do the same.

652
00:37:28,859 --> 00:37:32,305
That way if, within the constructs
of my own morality

653
00:37:32,410 --> 00:37:35,986
I were to do something
that was considered illegal, so be it.

654
00:37:36,088 --> 00:37:37,843
I feel no guilt whatsoever.

655
00:37:37,943 --> 00:37:41,935
And furthermore, if I were to buckle
under the social weight of the system

656
00:37:42,037 --> 00:37:44,044
by adhering to laws that
I do not truly believe in,

657
00:37:44,148 --> 00:37:48,489
then I would be extinguishing the very fire
of patriotism and individuality.

658
00:37:48,594 --> 00:37:50,350
It's... It's so...

659
00:37:52,210 --> 00:37:53,583
In a sense,

660
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,901
by having sex with Natasha,

661
00:37:57,008 --> 00:38:01,894
I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers
fought and died for, right?

662
00:38:02,957 --> 00:38:06,272
- Well, I guess...
- Bro, it was a rhetorical question.

663
00:38:06,379 --> 00:38:07,939
Okay? So...

664
00:38:10,922 --> 00:38:15,360
Oh, hey, Dean. I heard Dan yelling at you.
It was kind of crazy.

665
00:38:15,464 --> 00:38:17,568
You think you're still in the running
for the assistant manager?

666
00:38:17,671 --> 00:38:21,248
Did you ever just wake up and realize,
"Holy shit. I'm a fucking loser."

667
00:38:21,350 --> 00:38:23,356
Yeah, man.

668
00:38:23,461 --> 00:38:26,459
God, I just wanna be able to say,
"I wanna be a teacher," you know,

669
00:38:26,564 --> 00:38:29,879
or a podiatrist or
a fucking electrical engineer.

670
00:38:29,986 --> 00:38:32,058
Anything!
Just have a fucking clue!

671
00:38:32,161 --> 00:38:33,949
Hey, who has a clue, right?

672
00:38:34,048 --> 00:38:38,170
Hey, I don't. Hello?
I don't know what's going on.

673
00:38:38,271 --> 00:38:39,896
Hey, could you put down
the ice pick?

674
00:38:39,998 --> 00:38:43,826
- Sorry you had to hear that guy yell.
- Oh, it's okay.

675
00:38:43,933 --> 00:38:45,819
You shouldn't have to be
subjected to that.

676
00:38:45,916 --> 00:38:48,054
You're way too sweet.

677
00:38:48,155 --> 00:38:51,536
- Way too cute, too.
- Stop it. You're gonna make me blush.

678
00:38:52,729 --> 00:38:55,117
Bet you drive the boys wild
at your school.

679
00:38:55,224 --> 00:38:57,841
Maybe. I don't really like
the boys at my school.

680
00:38:57,943 --> 00:39:00,276
No? Why?

681
00:39:00,374 --> 00:39:02,348
I prefer older men.

682
00:39:02,453 --> 00:39:04,394
Really? Wow.

683
00:39:04,501 --> 00:39:06,572
I like a man in power.

684
00:39:06,675 --> 00:39:10,667
Yeah, well, being a manager,
obviously, I know what you mean.

685
00:39:10,769 --> 00:39:14,117
It takes a lot of power to command the respect
of everybody at the restaurant.

686
00:39:14,224 --> 00:39:16,198
- That's true.
- Yeah.

687
00:39:16,304 --> 00:39:21,571
We should go to dinner sometime
and talk about it.

688
00:39:21,677 --> 00:39:24,359
I'll bring my manager card,
and we'll just eat for free.

689
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:29,095
As they say,
membership has its privileges.

690
00:39:29,322 --> 00:39:31,460
What's up with you?
What are you still doing here?

691
00:39:31,562 --> 00:39:34,048
Christy asked me to work for her,
so I'm working a double.

692
00:39:34,152 --> 00:39:37,020
Time-out. Isn't this
your only night off this week?

693
00:39:37,127 --> 00:39:38,076
Yeah.

694
00:39:38,183 --> 00:39:42,207
And you're using it to work
a double-shift for Christy?

695
00:39:42,309 --> 00:39:45,090
Wait. You actually have to get the pussy
before you can be whipped by it.

696
00:39:45,188 --> 00:39:46,780
- That's right.
- You guys suck.

697
00:39:46,883 --> 00:39:50,329
- Yes, we do.
- Wait. Didn't you take out Christy last night?

698
00:39:50,434 --> 00:39:52,604
- Yeah, we went out last night.
- Come on, man! Details!

699
00:39:52,705 --> 00:39:56,249
Fuck the details. I wanna know.
Did you do it? Did you make a move?

700
00:39:56,351 --> 00:39:58,620
- What do you mean?
- Don't give me that shit. You know.

701
00:39:58,718 --> 00:40:01,106
- Did you kiss her? Rub against her skin?
- Cuddle with her? Rub her leg?

702
00:40:01,214 --> 00:40:03,995
- Hold her hand?
- Nipple tweak? Anything?

703
00:40:04,092 --> 00:40:06,001
- No, I'm still...
- Oh, my God!

704
00:40:06,108 --> 00:40:07,001
I need more time.

705
00:40:07,099 --> 00:40:09,781
- Forget it. It's over. You're fucked.
- Not literally.

706
00:40:09,882 --> 00:40:13,296
- Why? Because you won't pull the trigger.
- And you're too fucking nice!

707
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:14,960
Why do you always say that?
I'm not...

708
00:40:15,063 --> 00:40:17,234
- What happens with every girl you like?
- Nothing!

709
00:40:17,334 --> 00:40:20,268
You take 'em out, you pay for everything,
and you never make a move!

710
00:40:20,373 --> 00:40:24,147
Then you home, alone, to masturbate
while you cry, using your own tears...

711
00:40:24,244 --> 00:40:28,782
That was once, and I was drunk
and it was Valentine's day. So back off.

712
00:40:28,882 --> 00:40:32,590
Don't try to candy coat it.
All we ever do is hang out and have sex.

713
00:40:32,688 --> 00:40:37,094
What are you talking about? Didn't I take you
to the movies last week, huh? Huh?

714
00:40:37,199 --> 00:40:39,751
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.

715
00:40:42,284 --> 00:40:44,258
What do you want?
It was a dull movie.

716
00:40:44,364 --> 00:40:48,901
Yeah, but I just get the feeling
that you don't care.

717
00:40:49,898 --> 00:40:52,231
I don't care?
I don't care?

718
00:40:53,224 --> 00:40:57,281
When my uncle died, didn't I ask
you to be by my side at the funeral?

719
00:40:57,383 --> 00:41:01,059
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.

720
00:41:03,876 --> 00:41:06,112
How many times can we have
the same exact conversation?

721
00:41:06,211 --> 00:41:08,316
It's like we're stuck
in a time paradox

722
00:41:08,418 --> 00:41:10,784
where neither our wisdom nor your virginity
will ever escape.

723
00:41:10,881 --> 00:41:13,727
I attempt to make a move.

724
00:41:13,824 --> 00:41:17,084
I get in close.
I'm there and I just get...

725
00:41:17,182 --> 00:41:18,262
Fuck!

726
00:41:18,366 --> 00:41:21,812
- You need therapy.
- Hush, now.

727
00:41:21,917 --> 00:41:24,633
The way I see it, with chicks,

728
00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:27,349
there's really only two possible things
that could happen.

729
00:41:27,450 --> 00:41:31,343
Either they won't sleep with you,
and then there's no need to call them again,

730
00:41:31,449 --> 00:41:35,342
or they do sleep with you, and then
there's no need to call them again.

731
00:41:35,447 --> 00:41:39,308
This is what I don't get. How can someone
be such a complete asshole all the time

732
00:41:39,413 --> 00:41:41,235
and get as many women
as you do?

733
00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:43,666
That's a good question.

734
00:41:44,788 --> 00:41:46,254
- Amy! Serena! Calvin needs our help.
- No.

735
00:41:46,288 --> 00:41:47,722
- Amy! Serena! Calvin needs our help.
- No.

736
00:41:47,826 --> 00:41:49,866
- No, I don't need help.
- Shh, shh.

737
00:41:49,969 --> 00:41:51,790
Women like assholes,
am I right?

738
00:41:51,888 --> 00:41:54,757
- Well, I agree that you're an asshole.
- Okay.

739
00:41:54,863 --> 00:41:58,855
"A", fuck you.
"B", just answer the question.

740
00:41:58,957 --> 00:42:02,665
Well, okay. Girls like assholes,
not women.

741
00:42:02,764 --> 00:42:05,665
What women are attracted to
is self-confidence.

742
00:42:05,771 --> 00:42:08,519
Yes, and we absolutely
fucking hate insecurity.

743
00:42:08,618 --> 00:42:10,788
Yes! The more insecure you are
the more you ask, "Is something wrong?"

744
00:42:10,889 --> 00:42:12,644
- "Is everything okay?"
- "What are you thinking about?"

745
00:42:12,744 --> 00:42:15,045
"What's wrong?"
And the more you do that, Calvin,

746
00:42:15,143 --> 00:42:17,531
the more it becomes
this self-fulfilling prophecy.

747
00:42:17,638 --> 00:42:21,149
You just need to relax
and not worry so much. Okay?

748
00:42:24,259 --> 00:42:26,975
Yeah. That makes
a lot of sense.

749
00:42:27,075 --> 00:42:30,172
- I'm gonna work on it.
- Yeah. Yeah, you do that.

750
00:42:30,273 --> 00:42:34,461
And by the way, take whatever advice
that she gives you with a big grain of salt.

751
00:42:34,559 --> 00:42:37,143
Yeah, and take anything that he gives you
with a shot of penicillin.

752
00:42:37,246 --> 00:42:40,311
Seriously, Calvin,
do yourself a favor.

753
00:42:40,413 --> 00:42:42,933
Unless you're combing the playground
for middle schoolers,

754
00:42:43,036 --> 00:42:46,068
don't become an asshole
like Monty.

755
00:42:46,171 --> 00:42:49,748
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but haven't I been inside you?

756
00:42:57,782 --> 00:42:59,636
- Oh, Monty.
- Oh, me.

757
00:42:59,733 --> 00:43:03,376
You wanna brag about your sexual conquests,
you big stud, you?

758
00:43:03,476 --> 00:43:06,093
Okay, you know what? Fine.
Let's talk about it.

759
00:43:06,194 --> 00:43:09,739
Let me describe Monty's
amazing sexual prowess.

760
00:43:09,841 --> 00:43:13,768
He'd barrel into me with that pathetic excuse
for a child's penis.

761
00:43:13,871 --> 00:43:17,764
And it would end so quickly,
so abruptly,

762
00:43:17,870 --> 00:43:20,236
I wouldn't even have time
to feel any sort of

763
00:43:20,333 --> 00:43:23,812
morbid, accidental amusement
towards his "technique,"

764
00:43:23,915 --> 00:43:26,053
which was basically him
seizuring on top of me

765
00:43:26,155 --> 00:43:28,423
for, oh, about 45 seconds,

766
00:43:28,522 --> 00:43:32,000
while I laid there trying
not to laugh... or cry.

767
00:43:32,104 --> 00:43:33,118
Ouch.

768
00:43:33,224 --> 00:43:36,256
Is it any wonder why you still date girls
in high school?

769
00:43:36,358 --> 00:43:38,747
They're the only ones left.
They don't know any better.

770
00:43:38,853 --> 00:43:40,991
Okay, okay. All right.

771
00:43:41,092 --> 00:43:43,230
First of all, for the record,

772
00:43:43,332 --> 00:43:46,298
I always had an orgasm
when we had sex.

773
00:43:46,402 --> 00:43:48,954
Secondly, everybody knows
that I'm orally fixated.

774
00:43:49,057 --> 00:43:51,576
You can't deny that I played your vagina
like a violin.

775
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:56,217
Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact
that once we got past foreplay,

776
00:43:56,319 --> 00:43:58,805
you turned into the little engine
that couldn't hold his load.

777
00:43:58,909 --> 00:44:00,948
Oh, what the fuck ever!

778
00:44:01,052 --> 00:44:04,019
If I was that bad, then why were
you at my house every night?

779
00:44:04,123 --> 00:44:06,805
All I had to do was call
and say, "Hey. I'm horny."

780
00:44:06,906 --> 00:44:08,793
And then fucking poof!

781
00:44:08,889 --> 00:44:12,336
As if by some form of slut magic
you'd appear. Now why is that?

782
00:44:12,439 --> 00:44:15,340
Because at first, I really
liked spending time with you.

783
00:44:15,447 --> 00:44:17,901
I thought you were a genuinely
interesting guy to be around.

784
00:44:18,005 --> 00:44:18,932
Very true.

785
00:44:19,029 --> 00:44:22,192
But eventually, it all wore thin.
I realized that your personality

786
00:44:22,291 --> 00:44:24,746
was just one short punctuated
joke after another,

787
00:44:24,851 --> 00:44:26,825
much like our sex life.

788
00:44:26,930 --> 00:44:30,606
And, oh, Monty, do you remember
why we stopped dating?

789
00:44:30,705 --> 00:44:33,802
Yeah, I do.
Because you were old news.

790
00:44:33,903 --> 00:44:37,731
I was looking at other girls and getting bored.
Basically, that was why.

791
00:44:37,838 --> 00:44:39,844
Yeah, yeah. All that.

792
00:44:39,949 --> 00:44:41,377
And the fact that I dumped you.

793
00:44:41,484 --> 00:44:43,938
- Wait, I thought you said you dumped...
- Shut up, Calvin.

794
00:44:44,043 --> 00:44:46,660
I was just trying to let you down easy,
but this is bullshit.

795
00:44:46,826 --> 00:44:49,989
We both know that you enjoyed
having sex with me.

796
00:44:50,089 --> 00:44:52,804
The only real pleasure I ever got
from having sex with you

797
00:44:52,903 --> 00:44:54,593
came from making fun of it
later with my friends.

798
00:44:54,695 --> 00:44:57,628
- Tell him, Amy.
- It's true. We laughed a lot at your expense.

799
00:44:57,734 --> 00:45:01,889
So you know when you're walking past
a group of people, you hear them laughing,

800
00:45:01,987 --> 00:45:04,986
you sometimes get that paranoid
self-conscious feeling?

801
00:45:05,091 --> 00:45:07,937
Maybe they're laughing about you
when they're really not?

802
00:45:08,034 --> 00:45:11,131
Well, in your case,
they really are.

803
00:45:26,234 --> 00:45:28,982
God, I love her.

804
00:45:30,584 --> 00:45:32,078
Oh, hello there.

805
00:45:32,184 --> 00:45:34,965
Thank you for joining our family
at Shenaniganz bar and grill.

806
00:45:35,063 --> 00:45:37,713
It is our goal to maintain the absolute
highest standard in all aspects...

807
00:45:37,813 --> 00:45:41,041
Hey, man.
We all had to watch it.

808
00:45:41,140 --> 00:45:44,553
I'm gonna come back and get you after
the dinner rush. The tape should be done then.

809
00:45:44,659 --> 00:45:45,641
Cool?

810
00:45:47,474 --> 00:45:49,164
Well, I mean, I guess. I...

811
00:45:49,264 --> 00:45:50,922
...of our most sacred
company policies

812
00:45:51,024 --> 00:45:53,390
to ensure that you have
all the skills necessary

813
00:45:53,487 --> 00:45:56,802
- to uphold our standard of excellence.
- Shit.

814
00:45:56,910 --> 00:46:00,552
Are you ready? Well, okay.
Follow me.

815
00:46:00,652 --> 00:46:02,823
All right, men.
This is it.

816
00:46:02,923 --> 00:46:06,882
The time has come. Remember,
product pride. Portion consciousness.

817
00:46:06,985 --> 00:46:09,351
Zero hour is upon us.

818
00:46:09,449 --> 00:46:11,903
Let us seize the day!

819
00:46:12,007 --> 00:46:14,210
Yeah, yeah!
Carpe deez nuts.

820
00:46:14,310 --> 00:46:16,284
God, I can't wait to quit
this job!

821
00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:28,956
Okay, your waiter
will be right with you.

822
00:46:29,056 --> 00:46:30,550
Hi there, folks.
What can I get you to drink?

823
00:46:30,656 --> 00:46:32,314
Would you like to start
with an appetizer?

824
00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:34,716
Would you like a baked potato,
french fries or rice pilaf?

825
00:46:34,814 --> 00:46:37,180
- Order up!
- Is everything prepared okay?

826
00:46:37,278 --> 00:46:39,611
- How about some dessert?
- And here you go, folks.

827
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:42,326
I hope you enjoyed everything.
I know I did.

828
00:46:51,639 --> 00:46:54,834
- Fuck!
- The five-second rule! The five-second rule!

829
00:46:54,934 --> 00:46:56,722
One, two, three,

830
00:46:56,822 --> 00:46:59,406
four, five.

831
00:47:01,172 --> 00:47:04,945
A little floor spice makes everything nice.
There you go.

832
00:47:05,937 --> 00:47:08,903
Damn, man. We almost had to switch
to the ten-second rule.

833
00:47:11,407 --> 00:47:13,741
You green
snot-beard faggot!

834
00:47:20,652 --> 00:47:21,796
Fuck you!

835
00:47:21,899 --> 00:47:25,280
- Oh, no.
- Hang on. I only have a small order.

836
00:47:25,386 --> 00:47:27,970
- I have to put in an appetizer. Goddamn it.
- Chill the fuck out!

837
00:47:28,073 --> 00:47:29,959
Well, hurry up.

838
00:47:32,167 --> 00:47:34,141
Okay, hey, gang.
Listen up.

839
00:47:34,246 --> 00:47:35,806
Let's get out there,
take care of our guests.

840
00:47:35,910 --> 00:47:38,210
I know it's getting crazy,
but we can do it. We can do it.

841
00:47:38,308 --> 00:47:40,991
Let's put that extra... just that little extra...
back in extraordinary.

842
00:47:41,091 --> 00:47:43,992
Okay. There's no
"me" in "team."

843
00:47:44,962 --> 00:47:45,910
Yeah.

844
00:47:47,009 --> 00:47:48,764
Hey, guys. Which one of these
is medium rare?

845
00:47:53,406 --> 00:47:55,260
Shoot. Let's just...

846
00:47:57,245 --> 00:47:59,894
Goddamn it!

847
00:47:59,996 --> 00:48:02,897
Please.

848
00:48:03,002 --> 00:48:06,317
Let me do it.

849
00:48:06,426 --> 00:48:08,181
All right, you two, let's go.

850
00:48:08,281 --> 00:48:11,508
Hurry up, or your asses
are fired!

851
00:48:13,686 --> 00:48:17,001
So remember, find the solution
before there's a problem.

852
00:48:17,109 --> 00:48:20,490
Now let's go take a look at our problem
back in the kitchen.

853
00:48:21,907 --> 00:48:23,848
Come on, guys.
This is bull crap.

854
00:48:23,955 --> 00:48:26,409
Where the hell's
my chicken sandwich?

855
00:48:28,112 --> 00:48:29,868
Fuck you, bitch!

856
00:48:29,967 --> 00:48:31,592
What the hell
did I do to you, Floyd?

857
00:48:31,695 --> 00:48:35,010
Eat at Shenaniganz
enjoy your food

858
00:48:35,118 --> 00:48:38,891
Eat at Shenaniganz
Calvin works here

859
00:48:38,988 --> 00:48:40,514
Okay, that's hardly sanitary.

860
00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:43,880
Hey, Dan. I have a table
that needs to...

861
00:49:08,736 --> 00:49:13,175
Trying to get a feel for the whole
manager thing. You caught me.

862
00:49:13,278 --> 00:49:16,593
Do you think you could get a feel for it outside?
I need some fresh air.

863
00:49:19,100 --> 00:49:21,652
Hey, hey, Christy.
It's Calvin again. I...

864
00:49:23,386 --> 00:49:26,516
Just calling again.
Just checking in or whatever.

865
00:49:26,617 --> 00:49:29,518
Called before a few times.
Maybe you didn't...

866
00:49:29,623 --> 00:49:30,964
I got all my bars.

867
00:49:31,063 --> 00:49:33,135
So anyway, it's getting
kind of busy.

868
00:49:33,238 --> 00:49:35,823
But I'm never too busy
to call you.

869
00:49:35,925 --> 00:49:40,234
So call me back. You know the number.
Okay. Bye.

870
00:49:40,339 --> 00:49:41,582
Fuck.

871
00:49:43,058 --> 00:49:46,405
So is everything okay?
Is something wrong?

872
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:49,774
Are you mad?

873
00:49:53,678 --> 00:49:55,238
Yeah?

874
00:49:55,341 --> 00:49:59,234
Somethin' bad happens
when you become a manager.

875
00:49:59,340 --> 00:50:03,331
You put on your fuckin' tie, and you get
your fuckin' little manager card,

876
00:50:03,434 --> 00:50:05,735
and you're think you're so fuckin' cool
because you write the schedule

877
00:50:05,833 --> 00:50:07,425
and tell us what to do.

878
00:50:07,528 --> 00:50:10,397
When in reality, you know you're not even
worth a bit of bullshit!

879
00:50:10,503 --> 00:50:12,357
Whoa, Naomi!

880
00:50:12,454 --> 00:50:14,395
Relax.

881
00:50:14,502 --> 00:50:17,697
Relax, woman.

882
00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:22,366
I guess if you become manager, you won't
be able to date any of the waitresses.

883
00:50:22,626 --> 00:50:25,887
While working here, you'll probably find some
of your fellow employees attractive.

884
00:50:25,984 --> 00:50:29,878
It's okay. There's nothing
wrong with that.

885
00:50:29,983 --> 00:50:32,568
But it's important
not to act on those urges.

886
00:50:32,670 --> 00:50:35,930
For Shenaniganz to run like an efficient,
well-oiled machine,

887
00:50:36,029 --> 00:50:39,323
it's a must that
everyone act as a team.

888
00:50:39,419 --> 00:50:43,029
And when employees date each other,
unfortunately, it complicates things.

889
00:50:43,130 --> 00:50:44,406
So for that reason

890
00:50:44,506 --> 00:50:48,116
we strongly discourage
such relationships from forming.

891
00:50:48,216 --> 00:50:51,116
- Dean, Amy, I just sat you.
- Oh, shit. What do we got?

892
00:50:51,223 --> 00:50:54,189
Well, yours are cool.
They look like business people.

893
00:50:54,293 --> 00:50:56,202
- All right.
- What about mine?

894
00:50:56,309 --> 00:50:58,413
I don't know.
They don't speak English.

895
00:50:58,515 --> 00:51:00,009
- Foreigners!
- I'm sorry.

896
00:51:00,115 --> 00:51:04,620
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I swear. I'm just going by the rotation.

897
00:51:04,721 --> 00:51:09,804
I fuckin' hate foreigners!
It's such bullshit!

898
00:51:09,903 --> 00:51:11,496
Like they don't know how to tip?
Oh, they know.

899
00:51:11,598 --> 00:51:13,507
Aw, yeah, they fuckin' know.

900
00:51:13,613 --> 00:51:17,703
All right.
It's time to show the goat.

901
00:51:22,538 --> 00:51:25,058
You could cut through shoes
if you had to.

902
00:51:25,161 --> 00:51:28,542
- I mean...
- What are you doing, man?

903
00:51:28,648 --> 00:51:30,654
Frontline stuff. Watch this.
Watch this.

904
00:51:30,759 --> 00:51:33,311
We have just been cutting things
90 to nothing.

905
00:51:33,413 --> 00:51:35,933
And the cooks, they just
love it because every time...

906
00:51:38,563 --> 00:51:42,271
Hey, there, folks. My name is Amy,
and I'll be taking care of you.

907
00:51:47,008 --> 00:51:50,138
- Sir, what can I get for you?
- I'd like a New York strip, mid rare,

908
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,987
and a baked potato with
sour cream and chives only.

909
00:51:53,086 --> 00:51:55,932
And... Hey. You're not
writing any of this down.

910
00:51:56,029 --> 00:51:59,540
Oh. Steel-trap.

911
00:51:59,643 --> 00:52:01,497
You got the baby back ribs
with fries,

912
00:52:01,594 --> 00:52:04,756
you got the Mandingo chicken with rice
and a salad with a side of blue cheese.

913
00:52:04,857 --> 00:52:07,223
I respect
the lactose intolerance.

914
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,392
Okay. Okay, you're good.

915
00:52:14,933 --> 00:52:19,306
Haley is so fuckin' fine, you know I be all up
in that shit. Give her the bowling ball grip.

916
00:52:19,411 --> 00:52:22,759
Two in the pink,
one in the stink.

917
00:52:27,024 --> 00:52:30,056
You guys are so one-dimensional.

918
00:52:32,142 --> 00:52:33,865
Well, fuck you, whitey.

919
00:52:35,117 --> 00:52:38,727
I just sat you.
You're gonna love them.

920
00:52:47,751 --> 00:52:50,848
Hey, there, ladies.
My name is Monty.

921
00:53:02,594 --> 00:53:05,462
Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon
on that chef salad. It's against her religion.

922
00:53:05,569 --> 00:53:08,055
- All right?
- Yes, master. Right away, master.

923
00:53:08,159 --> 00:53:10,263
Ain't gonna be no bacon
on the salad, master.

924
00:53:10,367 --> 00:53:14,620
No bacon. Oh, no, no.
Oh, no, no. Please. Oh.

925
00:53:14,717 --> 00:53:17,050
Oh, no.

926
00:53:17,147 --> 00:53:19,383
No bacon on the salad

927
00:53:26,616 --> 00:53:31,284
So, is there anything else
I can get you folks this evening?

928
00:53:31,382 --> 00:53:34,610
I think I'd like
a hot fudge sundae.

929
00:53:38,323 --> 00:53:41,583
That does sound good.
I'll be right back with that for you.

930
00:53:43,793 --> 00:53:47,468
Like that bitch needs to be
eating dessert anyway.

931
00:53:50,063 --> 00:53:53,858
You know, if you ever want counseling
in anger management or...

932
00:53:55,468 --> 00:54:00,289
alcoholism, I'd be more
than glad to do it for you.

933
00:54:02,665 --> 00:54:04,672
You'd do that for me?

934
00:54:08,199 --> 00:54:11,493
Thank you.
I appreciate that.

935
00:54:11,589 --> 00:54:15,362
But I think I'd rather you just
wash the fucking dishes

936
00:54:15,460 --> 00:54:17,848
and shut the fuck up!

937
00:54:17,955 --> 00:54:22,393
Fucking psychobabble-bullshit
asshole!

938
00:54:23,712 --> 00:54:26,907
Fuckin' bitch.
Son of a bitch, cocksucker.

939
00:54:27,007 --> 00:54:29,908
Fuckin', I hate her.
I hate her!

940
00:54:43,737 --> 00:54:46,125
Fuckin' Nick and T-dog!

941
00:54:58,355 --> 00:55:02,860
That is why we are always on guard
for guests. You never know when...

942
00:55:02,961 --> 00:55:06,887
- Shit.
- So you have to make sure they...

943
00:55:07,887 --> 00:55:10,406
Fuck! Man, no!

944
00:55:10,606 --> 00:55:13,671
If we're gonna beat last year's numbers,
I need you to be more hands-on.

945
00:55:13,772 --> 00:55:16,521
I need you to be sure things
don't fall through the cracks.

946
00:55:16,619 --> 00:55:19,139
Basically, I need you
to be more like Dean here.

947
00:55:19,242 --> 00:55:22,656
I question whether you can
see that by me serving food,

948
00:55:22,761 --> 00:55:25,149
but thank you anyway.

949
00:55:25,256 --> 00:55:28,124
- How is everything, guys?
- Everything's perfect.

950
00:55:28,231 --> 00:55:29,474
You're a master of your craft.

951
00:55:29,574 --> 00:55:31,580
Thanks.

952
00:55:31,686 --> 00:55:34,368
You keep this up, I may just try
to lure you away from this place.

953
00:55:35,812 --> 00:55:37,786
All right.
Well, thank you, sir.

954
00:55:37,891 --> 00:55:40,890
Let me know if
you need anything, guys.

955
00:55:40,993 --> 00:55:45,083
You're probably wondering what makes
Shenaniganz such a great restaurant.

956
00:55:45,183 --> 00:55:47,833
So I thought I'd share with you
a few key examples

957
00:55:47,935 --> 00:55:50,138
of why we've had so much success.

958
00:55:50,910 --> 00:55:54,072
First of all,
our entr�es are always cooked

959
00:55:54,172 --> 00:55:56,538
exquisitely to perfection.

960
00:55:56,636 --> 00:55:59,700
Our deserts were designed
by gourmet chefs.

961
00:55:59,802 --> 00:56:02,834
We always treat our guests
with respect and dignity.

962
00:56:02,937 --> 00:56:04,463
Did you see the tits
on table 12?

963
00:56:04,568 --> 00:56:06,989
We treat each other
with respect and dignity.

964
00:56:07,095 --> 00:56:08,502
Fuckin'-ass pervert!

965
00:56:08,599 --> 00:56:13,168
Remember, the difference between ordinary
and extraordinary

966
00:56:13,268 --> 00:56:15,023
is that little extra.

967
00:56:15,124 --> 00:56:19,978
The penis just looks ridiculous.
It's like a shriveled roll of dimes or something.

968
00:56:20,081 --> 00:56:21,706
I know. It's a joke.

969
00:56:21,809 --> 00:56:23,663
- She's in love.
- Hey, Tyla.

970
00:56:23,761 --> 00:56:26,629
You gonna talk to your girlfriend all night
or make my drink?

971
00:56:35,755 --> 00:56:38,885
That's okay.
I understand how it works.

972
00:56:38,986 --> 00:56:42,530
Birds of a feather
flock to vagina.

973
00:56:50,949 --> 00:56:53,403
Get off your ass and get help!

974
00:56:53,509 --> 00:56:55,068
You want some help, bitch?

975
00:56:58,498 --> 00:57:00,407
Here you go.

976
00:57:03,008 --> 00:57:05,396
Theodore! What the heck
are you doing?

977
00:57:05,503 --> 00:57:09,047
How many times I told you?
My name is T-dog, bitch!

978
00:57:09,150 --> 00:57:13,404
My name is T-dog, bitch!
My name is T-dog, bitch!

979
00:57:14,427 --> 00:57:18,932
Hey, sweetie. It's almost 9:00.
I just came to say good-bye.

980
00:57:20,697 --> 00:57:22,125
Hey, baby.

981
00:57:22,233 --> 00:57:25,079
You wanna go in the car
and have a little sex?

982
00:57:34,548 --> 00:57:38,823
So what if there's plenty of parking spaces?
It's the principle of the matter.

983
00:57:38,930 --> 00:57:41,547
Hey, you're preaching to the choir here.
Know what I mean?

984
00:57:41,648 --> 00:57:44,996
The lord giveth, the lord taketh away.

985
00:57:45,103 --> 00:57:46,313
Damn, come on.

986
00:57:51,533 --> 00:57:53,540
What the fuck?

987
00:57:55,532 --> 00:57:57,986
Here you go, sir. Once again,
I hope you enjoyed everything.

988
00:57:58,090 --> 00:57:59,235
- Thanks.
- See you guys.

989
00:57:59,337 --> 00:58:01,758
Dean, I wanna tell you,
you did an extraordinary job.

990
00:58:01,864 --> 00:58:03,325
Oh, thank you, sir.

991
00:58:03,432 --> 00:58:05,602
- How old are you?
- I'm 22.

992
00:58:05,703 --> 00:58:08,287
Well, you're obviously
a very intelligent young man.

993
00:58:08,390 --> 00:58:10,723
Let me give you my card.

994
00:58:10,821 --> 00:58:13,275
Ever get tired of this place,
you're looking for a new opportunity,

995
00:58:13,380 --> 00:58:15,518
- you give me a call.
- All right.

996
00:58:15,619 --> 00:58:17,822
Thank you, sir.
I honestly appreciate that.

997
00:58:17,922 --> 00:58:20,670
Great. All right.
Have a good night, guys.

998
00:58:20,769 --> 00:58:22,492
Thanks again. Thank you.

999
00:58:24,799 --> 00:58:26,392
Well, I hope he calls.

1000
00:58:39,033 --> 00:58:42,294
Mama said they's my magic shoes.

1001
00:58:42,392 --> 00:58:44,148
Mama said they'd
take me anywhere.

1002
00:58:44,247 --> 00:58:47,345
Of course, Mama used to beat me
with a rubber hose, call me a retard.

1003
00:58:47,447 --> 00:58:50,228
Dude, please stop.
Stop. Okay?

1004
00:58:50,325 --> 00:58:53,194
I appreciate what
you're trying to do. I do.

1005
00:58:53,300 --> 00:58:57,073
But, dude, I'm really not in the mood
for smiling, all right?

1006
00:58:57,170 --> 00:58:58,282
Okay.

1007
00:58:58,386 --> 00:59:00,556
- What?
- The old lady at table 37 wants you to sing

1008
00:59:00,657 --> 00:59:02,150
the birthday song
for her grandson.

1009
00:59:02,256 --> 00:59:05,254
His name is Timmy,
and he's eight years old.

1010
00:59:06,766 --> 00:59:08,292
I need birthday singers!

1011
00:59:08,398 --> 00:59:11,844
- Come on, people! We need birthday singers!
- Fuck.

1012
00:59:16,587 --> 00:59:19,934
There he is.
There's the big winner.

1013
00:59:20,041 --> 00:59:22,495
- Yeah!
- Hey.

1014
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,771
All right. Attention, guests!

1015
00:59:24,871 --> 00:59:29,855
Today's a very special occasion.
It's Timmy's eighth birthday!

1016
00:59:29,957 --> 00:59:33,371
Big round of applause.
He's earned it.

1017
00:59:33,475 --> 00:59:35,809
He's got his whole life ahead of him.
The sky's the limit.

1018
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:38,077
I don't know but I've been told

1019
00:59:38,177 --> 00:59:39,900
Someone here is getting old

1020
00:59:40,001 --> 00:59:41,887
Good news is dessert is free

1021
00:59:41,984 --> 00:59:43,772
Bad news is we sing off-key

1022
00:59:43,871 --> 00:59:45,659
Happy birthday

1023
00:59:45,759 --> 00:59:47,220
To you

1024
00:59:52,156 --> 00:59:56,082
- Look at the camera!
- Picture time.

1025
00:59:58,394 --> 01:00:00,782
- All right. All right.
- Cry it off.

1026
01:00:00,888 --> 01:00:03,221
Well, we can't go
in the parking lot.

1027
01:00:04,215 --> 01:00:06,549
Can't go anywhere
in the kitchen.

1028
01:00:08,406 --> 01:00:10,412
Well, maybe we could...

1029
01:00:10,517 --> 01:00:12,817
We are not having sex
in the bathroom.

1030
01:00:12,915 --> 01:00:14,922
- But...
- No. No way. Forget it.

1031
01:00:17,298 --> 01:00:21,323
Oh. Come on, baby.

1032
01:00:22,832 --> 01:00:25,002
Come on.

1033
01:00:27,821 --> 01:00:28,868
Okay.

1034
01:00:30,125 --> 01:00:33,255
- Okay, but this is the last time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1035
01:00:34,955 --> 01:00:37,255
So where do you girls
go to college?

1036
01:00:38,953 --> 01:00:40,775
Actually, we're still
in high school.

1037
01:00:40,872 --> 01:00:43,905
You're kidding.
How old are you girls?

1038
01:00:44,007 --> 01:00:45,632
Sixteen.

1039
01:00:45,735 --> 01:00:47,425
Wow.

1040
01:00:47,526 --> 01:00:53,120
You look a lot older than that.
I would've guessed 19, 20, maybe 21.

1041
01:00:53,219 --> 01:00:54,942
Yeah, we get that a lot.

1042
01:00:58,081 --> 01:01:00,382
Here. Let me give you
a hand with that.

1043
01:01:00,481 --> 01:01:02,847
It's the stupid childproof lighters.

1044
01:01:05,535 --> 01:01:08,468
Hey, Bishop. Can I talk
to you about something?

1045
01:01:08,573 --> 01:01:10,066
Yeah, sure. Have a seat.

1046
01:01:10,173 --> 01:01:11,666
Thanks.

1047
01:01:14,746 --> 01:01:17,811
All right, so I went
to my mother's this morning.

1048
01:01:17,913 --> 01:01:20,181
You've been working here, what?
About a year and four months, right?

1049
01:01:20,281 --> 01:01:22,997
Yeah, I guess. About.

1050
01:01:23,095 --> 01:01:27,120
- But anyway, we have a good relationship...
- About three years ago,

1051
01:01:27,221 --> 01:01:30,286
this restaurant went through
quite a low point.

1052
01:01:30,388 --> 01:01:33,648
Okay, I'm sorry. Did you wanna hear
what I was gonna say or...

1053
01:01:33,747 --> 01:01:37,422
Please. See, the store morale
was beginning to slip.

1054
01:01:37,521 --> 01:01:39,942
Clientele base began
dropping off.

1055
01:01:40,048 --> 01:01:42,087
That of course, led to lower tips,
which in time,

1056
01:01:42,192 --> 01:01:44,078
led to an even lower
store morale.

1057
01:01:44,174 --> 01:01:48,613
Basically, the entire restaurant was going
through quite a downward spiral.

1058
01:01:48,717 --> 01:01:50,691
Okay.

1059
01:01:50,796 --> 01:01:53,828
Then Raddimus began
working here.

1060
01:01:53,930 --> 01:01:57,606
And with him came the penis-showin' game
you all like to play.

1061
01:01:57,706 --> 01:02:01,894
Okay, I... Why are you
telling me this?

1062
01:02:01,992 --> 01:02:04,162
Restaurant began to improve.

1063
01:02:04,263 --> 01:02:08,636
Employees started having more fun at work.
They started joking around a lot more,

1064
01:02:08,741 --> 01:02:11,707
which led to a raise in the clientele base,
higher tips

1065
01:02:11,811 --> 01:02:13,371
and so on and so forth.

1066
01:02:13,475 --> 01:02:17,368
Yeah, I still don't understand, Bishop.

1067
01:02:17,473 --> 01:02:19,098
Point is,

1068
01:02:20,224 --> 01:02:23,354
the penis-showin' game
became a catalyst

1069
01:02:23,455 --> 01:02:26,301
for the change necessary
to be made in the restaurant.

1070
01:02:27,613 --> 01:02:32,564
So, when things in your life
become stagnant.

1071
01:02:32,667 --> 01:02:36,626
You know, you're no longer happy
with what you're doing.

1072
01:02:36,730 --> 01:02:39,957
Then you figure out
what's important to you.

1073
01:02:40,056 --> 01:02:44,310
Then create your own
penis-showin' game.

1074
01:02:45,398 --> 01:02:47,633
Metaphorically speaking,
that is.

1075
01:02:50,133 --> 01:02:52,848
Okay. Okay, thanks, Bishop.

1076
01:02:56,082 --> 01:03:00,815
So do you think taking the assistant manager
job would be like my penis-showing game?

1077
01:03:00,912 --> 01:03:02,733
Is that what you're saying?

1078
01:03:05,966 --> 01:03:07,591
Okay.

1079
01:03:09,005 --> 01:03:11,175
Where the hell is it?
It's been over half an hour!

1080
01:03:11,276 --> 01:03:13,576
Told you it'd be up in a minute!
Get out of my face or I'll lose your ticket!

1081
01:03:13,674 --> 01:03:16,935
What? What do you want?
Get back to the training room, you ass cock!

1082
01:03:17,033 --> 01:03:20,610
Goddamn it! I hate these fuckin' cooks.
I hate them!

1083
01:03:20,712 --> 01:03:23,231
Twenty minutes for two medium-rare steaks?
This is bullshit.

1084
01:03:23,335 --> 01:03:27,555
What the hell? They need to get rid of every
single one of these lousy cocksucking mother...

1085
01:03:27,653 --> 01:03:30,205
So how is everything?

1086
01:03:34,019 --> 01:03:35,480
Give me a call
when you get this.

1087
01:03:35,586 --> 01:03:38,487
Can you bring this to table 75?
I gotta try to take a piss.

1088
01:03:38,592 --> 01:03:41,974
- Okay, good luck.
- Thanks.

1089
01:03:42,079 --> 01:03:45,373
Okay, so how would you like
your steak prepared?

1090
01:03:45,470 --> 01:03:48,851
Oh, let's see.
Medium, medium-rare.

1091
01:03:48,956 --> 01:03:52,304
Well, I want a hot, pink center.

1092
01:03:52,410 --> 01:03:54,133
Don't we all?

1093
01:03:56,217 --> 01:03:58,834
All right. Do you know
what you guys want?

1094
01:03:58,936 --> 01:04:02,284
- I'd like a tossed salad, please.
- Oh, you're bad.

1095
01:04:02,391 --> 01:04:04,365
Yo, girl, give me
the instant camera.

1096
01:04:04,470 --> 01:04:07,764
Yo, there's a birthday party in the kitchen.
We're gonna take a picture.

1097
01:04:07,861 --> 01:04:10,380
Bus table 73 first,
and then I'll give you the camera.

1098
01:04:10,484 --> 01:04:12,687
Yeah, whatever.

1099
01:04:12,787 --> 01:04:14,891
Ma'am, I don't doubt
the steak was overcooked,

1100
01:04:14,993 --> 01:04:17,545
but did you have to eat it all
before you complained about it?

1101
01:04:17,649 --> 01:04:21,030
It's too bad chlamydia has to be a venereal
disease. It's such a pleasant-sounding word.

1102
01:04:21,136 --> 01:04:22,826
- Chlamydia?
- Chlamydia.

1103
01:04:22,926 --> 01:04:26,056
Chlamydia. I think I might
name my daughter Chlamydia.

1104
01:04:26,157 --> 01:04:30,149
Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp
with baked potato, and she wanted the...

1105
01:04:30,251 --> 01:04:32,039
Fuck. What did she order?

1106
01:04:32,139 --> 01:04:33,448
- I can't.
- Hothead.

1107
01:04:35,305 --> 01:04:38,784
Hi. Here's your change.
I hope you guys have a really nice evening.

1108
01:04:54,306 --> 01:04:59,006
- Fuck.
- Hurry up. Come on.

1109
01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:00,445
What's taking so long?

1110
01:05:00,543 --> 01:05:02,200
Shh. I'm trying to concentrate.

1111
01:05:02,303 --> 01:05:03,928
Somebody here?

1112
01:05:04,030 --> 01:05:05,403
Hurry up.

1113
01:05:05,501 --> 01:05:06,842
This is crazy.

1114
01:05:06,941 --> 01:05:08,217
Shh, shh, shh.

1115
01:05:08,317 --> 01:05:09,778
No, no. Stop. Stop.

1116
01:05:09,883 --> 01:05:12,981
- Here we go.
- Oh, God!

1117
01:05:17,241 --> 01:05:20,054
- My fuckin' man! Yeah, man!
- You like that?

1118
01:05:20,151 --> 01:05:22,158
Yo, give me the fucking picture back.

1119
01:05:48,940 --> 01:05:52,321
So, what are you doing tonight?

1120
01:05:52,426 --> 01:05:54,662
Oh, I'm sure I'll end up
at the party.

1121
01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,378
Oh, yeah?

1122
01:06:00,871 --> 01:06:02,431
Do you...

1123
01:06:04,293 --> 01:06:05,700
Do you think I...

1124
01:06:06,756 --> 01:06:09,177
- You wanna come to the party?
- Well, yeah.

1125
01:06:09,283 --> 01:06:13,210
Those guys, they always seem to forget
to tell me where it's at.

1126
01:06:13,314 --> 01:06:16,891
Okay. As soon as
I find out where it is,

1127
01:06:16,993 --> 01:06:19,894
I'll make sure
to give you directions.

1128
01:06:19,999 --> 01:06:25,267
Well, then. Tonight should be a good night
for both of us, huh?

1129
01:06:30,491 --> 01:06:32,377
Only 30 more minutes
to go, man.

1130
01:06:32,474 --> 01:06:35,539
We better not have no late-night asshole
comin' in here.

1131
01:06:35,641 --> 01:06:37,331
So how'd y'all do tonight?

1132
01:06:37,432 --> 01:06:40,879
- I made about 70.
- 86.

1133
01:06:40,983 --> 01:06:43,502
I made 67 on a double.

1134
01:06:43,606 --> 01:06:45,994
Oh, God.
How pissed are you?

1135
01:06:46,100 --> 01:06:48,401
- How much did you make?
- A bill.

1136
01:06:48,500 --> 01:06:52,775
I never make... How do you make
a hundred dollars every night?

1137
01:06:52,882 --> 01:06:54,158
- You wanna know?
- Yeah.

1138
01:06:54,257 --> 01:06:57,006
You really wanna know how I make
a hundred dollars every night?

1139
01:06:57,105 --> 01:06:59,886
- Yes.
- It's all about that right there.

1140
01:07:02,062 --> 01:07:03,622
Yes!

1141
01:07:03,725 --> 01:07:05,154
Yes!

1142
01:07:05,261 --> 01:07:06,951
Monty with the assist!

1143
01:07:07,053 --> 01:07:09,124
I can't believe how many homos
we got working in here.

1144
01:07:09,228 --> 01:07:12,325
It's crazy.
Mitch, cherry-popping time.

1145
01:07:12,426 --> 01:07:15,272
Okay, Monty, my bitch.
Kick me a field goal.

1146
01:07:15,369 --> 01:07:17,026
You know what?
I don't understand.

1147
01:07:17,128 --> 01:07:20,738
You plot and you scheme on how to
get the other person to look at your goat

1148
01:07:20,839 --> 01:07:22,594
or chicken wing or whatever.

1149
01:07:22,694 --> 01:07:25,508
And then when he looks,
you call him a fag.

1150
01:07:25,604 --> 01:07:29,345
It's like it's an exercise
in retarded homophobic futility.

1151
01:07:29,443 --> 01:07:31,068
You know you girls love it.

1152
01:07:31,170 --> 01:07:34,966
So, seriously, ladies,
why don't you wanna play the game?

1153
01:07:35,073 --> 01:07:37,145
I really think that we'd be willing
to amend the rules for you.

1154
01:07:37,248 --> 01:07:40,509
- Oh, yeah. I bet you would.
- No girl would ever play that game.

1155
01:07:40,606 --> 01:07:41,621
Why not?

1156
01:07:41,726 --> 01:07:43,220
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.

1157
01:07:43,325 --> 01:07:45,463
- You really wanna know why?
- I really do.

1158
01:07:45,565 --> 01:07:48,498
Okay. I'll tell you why.

1159
01:07:48,604 --> 01:07:51,058
- It's because of this!
- Oh!

1160
01:07:51,162 --> 01:07:53,616
Oh, yeah. Bang.
Pow! Pow! Pow!

1161
01:07:53,722 --> 01:07:55,510
It's so angry!

1162
01:07:56,312 --> 01:07:58,799
Oh, God.
Does that thing have its shots?

1163
01:07:58,903 --> 01:08:02,863
- Put it away. Put it away.
- Dinner is served!

1164
01:08:03,637 --> 01:08:04,814
Oh, my God.

1165
01:08:04,917 --> 01:08:08,745
Well, it's official.
Now my penis is just for show.

1166
01:08:08,851 --> 01:08:11,436
Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night
to start working here.

1167
01:08:11,603 --> 01:08:13,871
- Oh, my God.
- Bend over, boys.

1168
01:08:13,970 --> 01:08:16,783
Oh, it's ladies' time.

1169
01:08:19,215 --> 01:08:22,181
- Spread 'em. Let's go.
- All right. That's enough.

1170
01:08:24,461 --> 01:08:26,467
You loved it.

1171
01:08:26,572 --> 01:08:28,993
- Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight?
- Well, yeah...

1172
01:08:29,099 --> 01:08:30,527
Great. Let's get
this party started then.

1173
01:08:30,635 --> 01:08:32,773
I gotta stop home first.
I'll meet you there.

1174
01:08:32,873 --> 01:08:34,945
Why do you have to go home?

1175
01:08:35,048 --> 01:08:37,600
Oh. Right. Sorry, Calvin.

1176
01:08:39,079 --> 01:08:41,216
Okay, baby doll,
you're definitely coming, right?

1177
01:08:41,318 --> 01:08:43,739
If you do everything right,
I will.

1178
01:08:43,845 --> 01:08:47,422
Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have
to stop that. You're making it hard.

1179
01:08:47,523 --> 01:08:49,017
I mean, difficult.

1180
01:08:49,123 --> 01:08:51,392
Hey, Cochise, we're out.
I'll see you, okay?

1181
01:08:51,490 --> 01:08:54,042
Yeah. I'll see you there.

1182
01:08:54,145 --> 01:08:56,861
Okay, I am so ready
to get stupid.

1183
01:09:01,246 --> 01:09:05,303
Only three more minutes
till the ball drop, baby. Come on.

1184
01:09:05,404 --> 01:09:06,418
Come on.

1185
01:09:09,723 --> 01:09:13,496
- Oh, hi there.
- You're not closed yet, are you?

1186
01:09:14,169 --> 01:09:16,405
- Not quite.
- Oh, terrific.

1187
01:09:19,063 --> 01:09:21,648
- Great.
- Here you go.

1188
01:09:21,750 --> 01:09:23,724
And Dean will be
your waiter this evening.

1189
01:09:23,829 --> 01:09:25,999
Awesome.

1190
01:09:30,866 --> 01:09:33,647
Hey, there, folks. My name is Dean.
I'll be your waiter this evening.

1191
01:09:33,745 --> 01:09:34,988
Hello, Dean.

1192
01:09:38,159 --> 01:09:40,777
Hey, Chet.

1193
01:09:42,541 --> 01:09:44,395
I'm sorry, guys.

1194
01:09:48,843 --> 01:09:53,216
Why? Why? Why? Why?

1195
01:09:53,321 --> 01:09:55,906
Okay, so I'll go ahead
and put your order in,

1196
01:09:56,008 --> 01:09:57,949
and maybe when I come back
we'll catch up a bit.

1197
01:09:58,055 --> 01:10:01,698
- Yeah, sounds good.
- Cool.

1198
01:10:06,468 --> 01:10:09,336
Oops. How clumsy of me.

1199
01:10:15,424 --> 01:10:19,416
Oh, man, look what I did.
I'm all thumbs today.

1200
01:10:19,519 --> 01:10:22,813
All right, guys. Here you go, Chet.
You got a steak.

1201
01:10:22,909 --> 01:10:24,818
So, did you hear?
I got my bachelor's degree.

1202
01:10:24,924 --> 01:10:26,898
Yeah, yeah.
My mother told me.

1203
01:10:27,004 --> 01:10:29,458
- That's really cool. Congratulations.
- Yeah.

1204
01:10:29,562 --> 01:10:32,496
- Yeah, I heard you were working here.
- Yeah.

1205
01:10:32,601 --> 01:10:37,421
Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career.
They're starting me off at 48,000 a year.

1206
01:10:37,527 --> 01:10:39,381
Wow. Wow.

1207
01:10:39,479 --> 01:10:42,227
Yeah, I've been looking at houses.
It's really exciting.

1208
01:10:42,325 --> 01:10:43,470
I'll bet.

1209
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:46,474
- So what have you been doing?
- Oh, you know.

1210
01:10:46,579 --> 01:10:50,255
Well, I've been working here,
obviously.

1211
01:10:50,354 --> 01:10:53,930
And I'm still finishing up at C.C.,
taking a few more classes.

1212
01:10:54,032 --> 01:10:56,584
I was actually thinking about
taking an assistant manager...

1213
01:10:56,688 --> 01:10:58,378
Could I get some more tea?

1214
01:11:00,014 --> 01:11:02,566
Sure. Yeah.

1215
01:11:04,940 --> 01:11:07,240
Coming right up.

1216
01:11:08,523 --> 01:11:11,272
Hey, Dan, man, we outta here.

1217
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:19,581
Okay, Dan,
I'm just leaving now.

1218
01:11:19,687 --> 01:11:22,304
But here are the directions
to the party.

1219
01:11:22,405 --> 01:11:24,543
What time are you coming over?

1220
01:11:24,644 --> 01:11:26,618
I should be out of here soon.

1221
01:11:26,723 --> 01:11:28,381
I'm gonna go home and change

1222
01:11:28,482 --> 01:11:30,685
and be right over.

1223
01:11:30,786 --> 01:11:31,931
Okay.

1224
01:11:32,033 --> 01:11:35,828
I just wanna warn you,
I might be really drunk tonight.

1225
01:11:35,936 --> 01:11:37,822
I hope you won't
think less of me.

1226
01:11:37,919 --> 01:11:40,122
No. No, I'm not.

1227
01:11:40,222 --> 01:11:41,748
I won't.

1228
01:11:41,854 --> 01:11:44,667
Okay. Well, I'll see you there.

1229
01:11:51,577 --> 01:11:52,559
Fuck.

1230
01:11:54,776 --> 01:11:57,077
- Dean, really, it's...
- No.

1231
01:11:57,175 --> 01:11:58,897
It's what?

1232
01:12:02,997 --> 01:12:05,483
Here you go, Chet.
It was nice seeing you again.

1233
01:12:05,588 --> 01:12:08,270
Yeah, you too, Dean.
Listen.

1234
01:12:08,371 --> 01:12:10,791
You take care of yourself.

1235
01:12:12,145 --> 01:12:14,152
You too. Okay.

1236
01:12:27,147 --> 01:12:28,739
How much did he leave you?

1237
01:12:30,218 --> 01:12:31,777
He must have made
a mistake.

1238
01:12:46,083 --> 01:12:48,700
Chet, Chet.
I think you made a mistake.

1239
01:12:48,802 --> 01:12:51,518
- You gave me a hundred dollar bill.
- No, it's all there.

1240
01:12:51,617 --> 01:12:56,437
- We're straight.
- The check's only $31. That's like a $70 tip.

1241
01:12:56,543 --> 01:13:00,568
Look, I just thought maybe
you needed it more than I do.

1242
01:13:16,343 --> 01:13:17,804
Hey! Dean.

1243
01:13:20,789 --> 01:13:23,472
Have you thought about it?

1244
01:13:23,572 --> 01:13:25,644
You want that
assistant manager job?

1245
01:13:32,592 --> 01:13:34,893
- 'Weiser?
- No, thanks.

1246
01:13:44,428 --> 01:13:46,151
Look...

1247
01:13:47,243 --> 01:13:49,184
Hello? Hey, Christy.

1248
01:13:49,289 --> 01:13:50,598
What's up?

1249
01:13:51,816 --> 01:13:53,342
No, I'm not.
No, I was just...

1250
01:13:55,527 --> 01:13:56,509
Oh.

1251
01:13:58,374 --> 01:14:00,675
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, then.

1252
01:14:00,773 --> 01:14:02,943
Okay. Bye. Bye.

1253
01:14:03,044 --> 01:14:04,832
Bye.

1254
01:14:05,954 --> 01:14:10,077
- What's up with Christy?
- Oh, she's...

1255
01:14:10,177 --> 01:14:12,184
She's on a date.

1256
01:14:12,288 --> 01:14:14,775
That's why she wanted me
to cover her shift.

1257
01:14:14,880 --> 01:14:16,570
She's... She's still with him.

1258
01:14:16,670 --> 01:14:19,800
God, that's it.

1259
01:14:19,901 --> 01:14:22,682
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna change.

1260
01:14:22,780 --> 01:14:24,306
Well, good.

1261
01:14:24,411 --> 01:14:26,298
You should start tonight.

1262
01:14:26,395 --> 01:14:29,939
- Go get one of those high school girls.
- You think?

1263
01:14:30,042 --> 01:14:32,975
Mitch, I want you to know
that you did a really great job today.

1264
01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:37,388
And you didn't even cry once, which
is more than I can say for my last trainee.

1265
01:14:37,494 --> 01:14:42,194
So, honestly, you think you can
handle working here?

1266
01:14:44,339 --> 01:14:47,982
- Yeah...
- Hey, fuck off for a second. I'll be right back.

1267
01:14:50,097 --> 01:14:52,517
Hey, whoa. Amy called,
she told me what happened.

1268
01:14:52,624 --> 01:14:54,761
You know what?
Fuck Chet Miller.

1269
01:14:54,863 --> 01:14:56,804
Hey, man, relax.

1270
01:14:56,911 --> 01:14:58,404
All right?
Relax. I'm okay.

1271
01:14:58,510 --> 01:14:59,589
You serious?

1272
01:14:59,693 --> 01:15:02,441
- I'd be ready to kill someone.
- No, you know what?

1273
01:15:02,540 --> 01:15:04,449
I'm glad he came in.
I really am.

1274
01:15:04,555 --> 01:15:08,231
Yeah, he was a prick, and at first
I was so fucking pissed off,

1275
01:15:08,329 --> 01:15:10,368
but it was weird.

1276
01:15:10,473 --> 01:15:13,854
In one second, it all just kind
of snapped into perspective.

1277
01:15:13,959 --> 01:15:17,307
Please, elaborate.
Did you talk to Dan?

1278
01:15:17,414 --> 01:15:20,708
Do you want
the assistant manager job?

1279
01:15:21,764 --> 01:15:22,691
No.

1280
01:15:23,907 --> 01:15:24,987
I quit.

1281
01:15:25,091 --> 01:15:26,749
What?

1282
01:15:26,850 --> 01:15:29,719
You know, I thought about it.
I thought a lot about it

1283
01:15:29,825 --> 01:15:32,246
and I know I don't wanna
wait tables anymore.

1284
01:15:32,352 --> 01:15:34,042
This is all temporary.

1285
01:15:34,143 --> 01:15:35,997
This is supposed to be
the in-between time.

1286
01:15:36,095 --> 01:15:38,330
If I become an assistant manager,

1287
01:15:38,429 --> 01:15:40,730
it's just one more step
towards permanence.

1288
01:15:40,829 --> 01:15:42,290
Fuck that, man.
No way.

1289
01:15:42,396 --> 01:15:45,264
So you've really...

1290
01:15:48,633 --> 01:15:51,893
What did Dan say
when you told him you quit?

1291
01:15:51,992 --> 01:15:56,049
You're flushing a golden opportunity
down the toilet.

1292
01:15:56,151 --> 01:15:59,019
And just so you know,
Hot Dog,

1293
01:15:59,125 --> 01:16:02,507
if you do come back,
this job won't be here for you.

1294
01:16:02,612 --> 01:16:04,302
- I hope you're right.
- I am right!

1295
01:16:04,403 --> 01:16:07,784
- You're fired!
- I mean, I already quit, so...

1296
01:16:07,889 --> 01:16:09,514
No, you're fired!

1297
01:16:09,617 --> 01:16:11,591
I write the book, okay?

1298
01:16:11,696 --> 01:16:13,867
Here's how it went down.
You walked in...

1299
01:16:13,967 --> 01:16:15,428
You're fired!

1300
01:16:15,535 --> 01:16:18,533
All right. Then, thanks for being
so mature about this and professional.

1301
01:16:18,637 --> 01:16:20,643
I was very professional.
You're fired.

1302
01:16:20,749 --> 01:16:21,796
All right.

1303
01:16:21,900 --> 01:16:24,768
Get out!
Get out of my sight!

1304
01:16:24,971 --> 01:16:27,239
- That's harsh.
- Yeah.

1305
01:16:27,338 --> 01:16:29,606
He'll be cryin' himself to sleep tonight
on his cock-shaped pillow.

1306
01:16:32,167 --> 01:16:33,596
What are you gonna do now?

1307
01:16:33,703 --> 01:16:35,525
I don't know.

1308
01:16:36,582 --> 01:16:38,142
I don't know.

1309
01:16:39,333 --> 01:16:41,187
I'm definitely gonna do somethin'.

1310
01:16:41,284 --> 01:16:43,039
Fuck it.

1311
01:16:43,139 --> 01:16:44,829
Let's go out there,
let's celebrate,

1312
01:16:44,931 --> 01:16:48,312
let's just get totally fucking annihilated,
hammered-ass drunk

1313
01:16:48,418 --> 01:16:50,522
and then run the train
on Amy.

1314
01:16:50,624 --> 01:16:51,551
Fuck.

1315
01:16:51,648 --> 01:16:53,338
You really are
an asshole, man.

1316
01:16:53,439 --> 01:16:55,162
So I'm told.

1317
01:16:56,638 --> 01:16:58,044
You're a good friend too.

1318
01:16:58,141 --> 01:17:01,751
Let's just keep that on the DL.
I'm all about low expectations.

1319
01:17:01,852 --> 01:17:03,793
What, are you
flirting with me?

1320
01:17:05,818 --> 01:17:07,639
Oh, by the way, Cal.

1321
01:17:07,737 --> 01:17:10,932
I've been thinking about
your public bathroom phobia.

1322
01:17:11,032 --> 01:17:13,071
- Yeah?
- I believe I have a solution.

1323
01:17:13,176 --> 01:17:15,542
Really? What is it?

1324
01:17:15,638 --> 01:17:18,899
- Tell me what to do.
- Okay, but first,

1325
01:17:18,997 --> 01:17:20,490
close your eyes.

1326
01:17:20,597 --> 01:17:23,181
Close my... Okay.

1327
01:17:24,179 --> 01:17:25,608
Now...

1328
01:17:25,714 --> 01:17:28,844
envision yourself
at a bathroom urinal.

1329
01:17:28,945 --> 01:17:31,943
With everybody you know
crowded around you.

1330
01:17:33,328 --> 01:17:35,465
They're cheering you on.

1331
01:17:35,566 --> 01:17:38,053
They're chanting your name.

1332
01:17:38,157 --> 01:17:40,578
Not only do they
want you to urinate,

1333
01:17:40,684 --> 01:17:42,025
they wanna see it.

1334
01:17:42,123 --> 01:17:45,417
- Proud of you, buddy!
- Hell, yeah!

1335
01:17:45,514 --> 01:17:48,480
- Fuckin' piss, man!
- We believe in you!

1336
01:17:48,585 --> 01:17:50,950
You can do it!

1337
01:17:51,048 --> 01:17:52,771
You pissing son of a bitch!

1338
01:17:52,872 --> 01:17:56,667
Now, see yourself
urinating, Calvin.

1339
01:17:56,773 --> 01:17:59,772
You can do it!
Do it!

1340
01:17:59,876 --> 01:18:01,567
Do it.

1341
01:18:15,870 --> 01:18:17,658
It's historic!

1342
01:18:17,757 --> 01:18:21,301
So, go ahead and visual that
for the next few weeks.

1343
01:18:21,404 --> 01:18:23,672
Start off at home first,
by yourself.

1344
01:18:23,771 --> 01:18:25,909
Then you can move to a stall,

1345
01:18:26,009 --> 01:18:29,074
and then eventually
to an actual urinal.

1346
01:18:30,296 --> 01:18:32,183
Thanks, Bishop. I mean it.

1347
01:18:32,279 --> 01:18:33,839
That totally makes sense.

1348
01:18:33,942 --> 01:18:37,040
Look, well, you guys,
I'm feelin' good.

1349
01:18:37,141 --> 01:18:40,456
You know what? I'm gonna go talk
to one of those high school girls.

1350
01:18:40,564 --> 01:18:42,505
- Well, good luck with that.
- Thank you.

1351
01:18:50,896 --> 01:18:52,750
So, what grade are you in?

1352
01:18:54,574 --> 01:18:56,679
Oh, look at that.
A bedroom.

1353
01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:10,014
No.

1354
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,541
What? What do you mean?

1355
01:19:12,647 --> 01:19:15,777
You start playing this weird, ambivalence
bullshit, and it makes me feel psycho.

1356
01:19:15,878 --> 01:19:17,219
And I never get psycho!

1357
01:19:17,317 --> 01:19:18,778
I know.

1358
01:19:19,972 --> 01:19:22,338
So I need you
to do me a favor.

1359
01:19:22,435 --> 01:19:24,768
I need you to not be
such a pussy.

1360
01:19:24,866 --> 01:19:28,094
Wow, there's the sass
that I was missin'.

1361
01:19:28,192 --> 01:19:31,159
- You're a flake.
- I know I'm a flake!

1362
01:19:31,263 --> 01:19:33,335
- Fuck you!
- You can't even get a boner.

1363
01:19:33,438 --> 01:19:35,161
Whoa, sorry to interrupt.

1364
01:19:35,262 --> 01:19:37,399
Wait. Hey, Bishop.

1365
01:19:37,501 --> 01:19:40,053
I created my own
penis-showing game.

1366
01:19:41,947 --> 01:19:43,540
So you quit your job.

1367
01:19:44,602 --> 01:19:46,030
How'd you know I quit?

1368
01:19:50,264 --> 01:19:51,507
Wow.

1369
01:19:56,662 --> 01:19:58,090
Are you okay?

1370
01:19:59,092 --> 01:20:00,684
Is somethin' wrong?

1371
01:20:03,442 --> 01:20:05,710
Just checking.

1372
01:20:19,084 --> 01:20:21,320
Wait. Wait, wait.

1373
01:20:22,347 --> 01:20:23,840
What?

1374
01:20:23,946 --> 01:20:27,905
You turn 18
next Wednesday, right?

1375
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:30,854
Yeah.

1376
01:20:30,952 --> 01:20:32,413
Okay, then...

1377
01:20:32,519 --> 01:20:34,852
Why don't we make this

1378
01:20:34,949 --> 01:20:36,705
a "to be continued...

1379
01:20:37,957 --> 01:20:40,160
until next Wednesday"?

1380
01:20:40,259 --> 01:20:43,520
Why? Do you think
I'm gonna turn you in?

1381
01:20:43,618 --> 01:20:46,138
- You think you're going to get arrested?
- No, no, no.

1382
01:20:46,241 --> 01:20:49,982
I just... I feel like
I don't wanna be...

1383
01:20:50,080 --> 01:20:51,705
taking ad...

1384
01:20:55,134 --> 01:20:57,554
- Let's just wait the week.
- Okay.

1385
01:20:57,661 --> 01:20:59,034
Okay.

1386
01:21:02,267 --> 01:21:05,561
But if anybody asks,
anybody at all,

1387
01:21:05,657 --> 01:21:07,183
I fucked you.

1388
01:21:09,176 --> 01:21:10,736
Twice!

1389
01:21:12,950 --> 01:21:15,404
So, Mitch, how was
your first day?

1390
01:21:18,164 --> 01:21:19,658
Well?

1391
01:21:20,787 --> 01:21:21,867
Well, it was...

1392
01:21:21,970 --> 01:21:24,871
I remember my first day.

1393
01:21:24,978 --> 01:21:27,148
What a doozy, huh?
Bishop, you're gonna love this.

1394
01:21:27,249 --> 01:21:30,564
I was so nervous I dropped
this bowl of soup on a nun.

1395
01:21:30,671 --> 01:21:32,710
Hey, turn down
the music for a minute.

1396
01:21:33,774 --> 01:21:37,733
- Hey, would you turn down the music?
- Dude, chill.

1397
01:21:37,836 --> 01:21:40,737
Would you turn down the fucking music
for a minute! Jesus!

1398
01:21:40,843 --> 01:21:43,460
This is fucking bullshit!

1399
01:21:43,562 --> 01:21:47,270
I have been here all goddamned day
and you haven't let me say one thing!

1400
01:21:47,369 --> 01:21:48,481
None of you!

1401
01:21:48,584 --> 01:21:51,202
- Well, damn, Mitch, I...
- Oh, no, asshole!

1402
01:21:51,303 --> 01:21:55,230
You shut the fuck up now.
It's my turn to talk!

1403
01:21:55,333 --> 01:21:57,853
You're all fucked in the head!
All of you! I mean you...

1404
01:21:57,956 --> 01:22:02,842
Change your fuckin' tampon and have
another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch!

1405
01:22:02,946 --> 01:22:06,327
And you! "I don't know
what to be when I grow up!"

1406
01:22:06,433 --> 01:22:08,374
Join the fuckin' army
or something!

1407
01:22:08,480 --> 01:22:10,105
Goddamn!

1408
01:22:10,207 --> 01:22:12,540
Oh, and you!

1409
01:22:12,638 --> 01:22:14,939
You know what?
You're too easy.

1410
01:22:16,316 --> 01:22:17,625
And you.

1411
01:22:19,388 --> 01:22:21,274
Fuck you, Monty!

1412
01:22:21,370 --> 01:22:23,791
Always gotta be right,
with your little quips!

1413
01:22:23,897 --> 01:22:27,279
We get it, man.
You're fuckin' edgy and cool. Yeah!

1414
01:22:27,384 --> 01:22:30,678
You're the coolest fuckin' guy
at Shenaniganz!

1415
01:22:30,775 --> 01:22:33,937
That's like being the smartest kid
with Down syndrome!

1416
01:22:35,061 --> 01:22:36,402
Oh, and, oh, yeah.

1417
01:22:36,501 --> 01:22:38,475
Why aren't you in jail?
I mean,

1418
01:22:38,580 --> 01:22:40,172
what are you, like 13, 14?

1419
01:22:40,275 --> 01:22:42,096
She's almost 18.

1420
01:22:42,194 --> 01:22:44,615
You know what?
Fuck this!

1421
01:22:44,721 --> 01:22:46,150
You all suck. I quit.

1422
01:22:50,287 --> 01:22:52,174
Oh, yeah.

1423
01:22:52,271 --> 01:22:54,604
There is one more thing.

1424
01:22:56,844 --> 01:22:57,792
You.

1425
01:23:00,011 --> 01:23:02,115
You are the biggest piece of shit

1426
01:23:02,219 --> 01:23:04,803
in this entire restaurant.

1427
01:23:04,905 --> 01:23:06,759
And I hope you burn in hell.

1428
01:23:06,857 --> 01:23:11,077
Me? What the fuck
did I do to you, man?

1429
01:23:11,174 --> 01:23:12,483
Seriously?

1430
01:23:13,734 --> 01:23:15,740
Oh, shit!

1431
01:23:15,845 --> 01:23:20,000
The goat!
The goat, you bastard!

1432
01:23:21,763 --> 01:23:23,736
Fuckin' faggots.

1433
01:23:25,697 --> 01:23:27,965
That was the shit!

1434
01:23:28,160 --> 01:23:30,614
Mitch! Mitch!
Stop, please.

1435
01:23:30,718 --> 01:23:31,798
Look, look.
Stop, stop.

1436
01:23:31,902 --> 01:23:33,462
Okay, I am sorry,

1437
01:23:33,566 --> 01:23:35,986
and I hereby swear
my undying allegiance to you.

1438
01:23:36,093 --> 01:23:38,230
You are the fucking man.

1439
01:23:39,451 --> 01:23:41,654
Now, come back to the party.

1440
01:23:41,754 --> 01:23:43,444
Please?

1441
01:23:44,857 --> 01:23:48,238
I swear to God, I'll never
underestimate you again.

1442
01:23:50,966 --> 01:23:53,299
- All right.
- Okay.

1443
01:23:53,397 --> 01:23:54,738
All right.

1444
01:23:54,837 --> 01:23:57,683
Dean, you've been replaced.

1445
01:23:59,027 --> 01:24:00,849
Fuck!

1446
01:24:00,947 --> 01:24:02,440
All right, everybody,
listen up.

1447
01:24:02,546 --> 01:24:05,032
From here on out,
Mitch is a made man.

1448
01:24:05,137 --> 01:24:09,096
Anyone who has anything different to say,
Nick and T-Dog will fucking fuck you!

1449
01:24:10,990 --> 01:24:13,706
Let's talk about that T-Dog
one more time!

1450
01:24:13,805 --> 01:24:15,015
Shut up!

1451
01:24:16,524 --> 01:24:17,505
What's that?

1452
01:24:20,491 --> 01:24:21,439
Don't do that!

1453
01:24:23,209 --> 01:24:25,412
Yo, man, yo! Yo!
Beer run, man.

1454
01:24:57,531 --> 01:24:58,872
Why the hell
would you do that?

1455
01:24:58,971 --> 01:25:03,508
- He's a fucking manager.
- Well, he asked, so, I...

1456
01:25:07,064 --> 01:25:09,234
You lost major cool points
for this.

1457
01:25:13,717 --> 01:25:16,018
What the hell
are you doing here?

1458
01:25:17,811 --> 01:25:21,639
Yo! What you doin'?

1459
01:25:21,746 --> 01:25:23,567
- What's up? How you doin'?
- Those look heavy.

1460
01:25:23,665 --> 01:25:25,486
No, I think you can make it.

1461
01:25:25,584 --> 01:25:28,430
- Asshole.
- Shenaniganz.

1462
01:25:28,527 --> 01:25:31,625
You bring my goddamn
gift certificates?

1463
01:25:33,389 --> 01:25:36,290
Is... Natasha... here?

1464
01:25:42,089 --> 01:25:44,576
Okay. Yeah. They got me.

1465
01:25:44,681 --> 01:25:46,687
All right. Okay.

1466
01:25:48,103 --> 01:25:50,436
You... One week!

1467
01:26:34,133 --> 01:26:36,815
When you're struggling
Livin' off Ramen noodles

1468
01:26:36,916 --> 01:26:39,216
I'm in my Lexus
Finger-bangin' poodles

1469
01:26:39,314 --> 01:26:41,702
You call me a busboy
I'll bust you three times

1470
01:26:41,810 --> 01:26:43,947
Slice you three times
Slice you three limes

1471
01:26:44,048 --> 01:26:46,284
And make you squeeze 'em
on your own cuts

1472
01:26:46,383 --> 01:26:48,804
And, bitch, you best give thanks
before you eat my nuts

1473
01:26:48,910 --> 01:26:51,179
Yeah, who's that motherfucker
throwing pot in the ground

1474
01:26:51,277 --> 01:26:53,829
These bitches used to clown me
Now they surround me

1475
01:26:53,933 --> 01:26:56,071
My mom tries to ground me
I'm gonna slap her

1476
01:26:56,171 --> 01:26:58,407
I'll fuckin' cap her
Don't she know I'm a rapper

1477
01:26:58,507 --> 01:27:00,872
I don't care about love
Fuck amore

1478
01:27:00,969 --> 01:27:02,943
Fuck the dumb whore-ay
All day

1479
01:27:03,049 --> 01:27:05,797
And then suck my dick
all in its glory

1480
01:27:05,896 --> 01:27:08,034
Swallow my nut
This shit is gourmet

1481
01:27:08,135 --> 01:27:10,589
I'm hor-nay but you
fuckin' sluts bore me

1482
01:27:10,694 --> 01:27:12,962
So fuck you, bitch
I'll fuck your mama

1483
01:27:13,061 --> 01:27:15,449
Then I'll kill your papa
to top the drama

1484
01:27:15,556 --> 01:27:17,727
Then I'll rape a llama
to top that drama

1485
01:27:17,827 --> 01:27:19,998
I'll eat that pussy
like Jeffrey Dahmer

1486
01:27:20,098 --> 01:27:22,650
I got a gat in my hand
A pound in my tighty-whities

1487
01:27:22,753 --> 01:27:25,054
A hit on my shit
will make your eyes Chinese

1488
01:27:25,152 --> 01:27:27,573
My wallets are thick
and here's the thing, you dumb bitch

1489
01:27:27,679 --> 01:27:29,850
Even my come's rich
You fuckin' retard

1490
01:27:29,950 --> 01:27:32,153
I'll pull your fuckin' card
You ready, willin' and able

1491
01:27:32,253 --> 01:27:34,554
You call me fuckin' fake
just because I bus tables

1492
01:27:34,653 --> 01:27:36,375
Fuck you
I'll fuck your navel

1493
01:27:36,475 --> 01:27:40,303
Real thugs pop guns
You steal cable

1494
01:27:47,128 --> 01:27:50,836
I got more bush than High Times
More rhymes than LeAnn

1495
01:27:50,933 --> 01:27:52,787
Pull out my glock
Now you pee in your pants

1496
01:27:52,885 --> 01:27:56,233
It's your last chance, I'll cut your retinas
It's your last glance

1497
01:27:56,339 --> 01:27:57,997
Yo, bitch,
you're fucking worthless

1498
01:27:58,098 --> 01:28:00,748
And if you backstab me
I'll show you what a hearse is

1499
01:28:00,850 --> 01:28:02,954
You can't be fixed
by a hundred surgeons

1500
01:28:03,056 --> 01:28:05,608
I'll pull out my heater
and boom, bye-bye

1501
01:28:05,712 --> 01:28:07,566
Even when you're dead
I'm bustin' nuts in your eye

1502
01:28:07,663 --> 01:28:09,669
Sin, sin, sin
I'll stick a dildo in

1503
01:28:09,774 --> 01:28:12,326
While I'm hidin' in
the Shenaniganz' garbage bin

1504
01:28:12,429 --> 01:28:14,632
And with the other hand
I'll doodle on some napkins

1505
01:28:14,732 --> 01:28:17,316
Fuck you with a loaf of bread
and make you cheat on Atkin's

1506
01:28:18,891 --> 01:28:20,352
- Ah, yeah.
- Oh, motherfucker.

1507
01:28:20,458 --> 01:28:21,864
I work at Shenaniganz

1508
01:28:21,961 --> 01:28:24,033
Blow me 'cause I'm an OG

1509
01:28:24,136 --> 01:28:26,656
So get the fuck out my dome
before I split yours

1510
01:28:26,759 --> 01:28:29,409
I used to have spit wars
and now I split whores in two

1511
01:28:29,510 --> 01:28:31,549
I am the walrus
Koo-koo-ka-choo

1512
01:28:31,653 --> 01:28:33,824
- So back up, sonny
- We got mad honeys

1513
01:28:33,924 --> 01:28:36,225
- We make much money
- And don't you dare laugh

1514
01:28:36,323 --> 01:28:37,631
'Cause this shit ain't funny

1515
01:28:37,731 --> 01:28:39,869
Squeeze the trigger
Now your head's all bloody

1516
01:28:39,969 --> 01:28:42,489
- We got new rides
- Now we'll flip the switches

1517
01:28:42,592 --> 01:28:44,730
- No more dirty dishes
- I'll steal people's wishes

1518
01:28:44,832 --> 01:28:46,042
And clock mad digits

1519
01:28:46,143 --> 01:28:48,247
Pump on a blot
and have sex with hot midgets

1520
01:28:48,350 --> 01:28:50,618
I love when your cunt
is balder than Bruce Willis

1521
01:28:50,717 --> 01:28:53,847
Nick and T-dog, motherfucker
We the illest

1522
01:28:53,948 --> 01:28:55,954
Peace out,
bitch-ass motherfuckers.

1523
01:28:56,059 --> 01:28:58,295
Get the fuck out
of my fuckin' face.

1524
01:28:58,394 --> 01:29:01,840
- Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face.
- Bitch-ass motherfuckers.

1525
01:29:40,649 --> 01:29:42,143
Oh, yeah!