1
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:12,201
We open up against Michigan
in two weeks,so.
2
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,080
Coach's got me hitting the bench
pretty hard.
3
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:24,382
Shit. How much is a lot?
4
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,219
One... No, two.
5
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:36,066
I'm putting up three hundy.
6
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:47,004
Well, let's see, Tasty.
7
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,444
Wow!
8
00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:55,943
Um...
9
00:00:57,924 --> 00:01:00,893
Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen...
10
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,455
No, stop it, stop it.
11
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:06,295
Don't be so fucking desperate.
Come on, be a dick. Be cool.
12
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,998
Don't be a pussy.
Tell her she's an ugly skank.
13
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,632
Yeah.
14
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:16,937
Not bad.
15
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,538
I've seen better.
16
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,509
Yeah, whatever.
17
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:32,182
Coach's got us running two-a-days,
so I gotta bounce.
18
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:59,111
Miss Tasty? How did you get here?
19
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,309
Shh!
20
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,501
Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20,
21
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,629
so if you want a ride to work
you better get your poop in a group.
22
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,832
- Okay, I'll be right down.
- No. Now, Clay Aiken.
23
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,898
- All right.
- No, now, homo.
24
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,001
- Just give me a minute.
- No, no, no, no. Now, sissy.
25
00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:34,842
- Just...
- No, now, chode-stroker.
26
00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,505
Now, ball bag.
27
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,418
Hey...
28
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,923
- Ow! Cut it out.
- Hurts, doesn't it?
29
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,121
Shut up! I'm trying to sleep.
30
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:54,364
Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep.
You're golden.
31
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,164
- You, get your ass up.
- Give me a minute.
32
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,927
What're you doing under there, huh?
33
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,441
What're you doing?
You're firing off your skin pistol?
34
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:04,503
Come on, get up. What are you hiding?
35
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,568
You got a big fattie under there, don't you?
36
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:10,878
Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too.
What the F?
37
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:15,587
Your little brother's sleeping
not ten feet away. Jesus Christ!
38
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,355
Good. My boys are all here.
39
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,391
- Dad, Ian's free...
- Can it, Rex.
40
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:22,895
Your pop's got a bombshell to drop,
so ears open.
41
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,931
Last night,
your old man popped the question.
42
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,794
Show them, Karen.
43
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,165
I'm so happy.
44
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,010
Hey, way to go!
45
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:41,535
Ian, you wanna get off your duff
and come over here and give Karen a hug?
46
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:42,603
Um...
47
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:47,882
- Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude.
- Can we do that later?
48
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,412
- Damn it, Ian, get up...
- No, no, honey. It's okay.
49
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:56,391
We have to give him time
to get used to the idea.
50
00:04:58,765 --> 00:04:59,754
Karen?
- Are you okay?
51
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:01,891
Karen? Karen, honey?
- You okay?
52
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:02,957
Sweetheart?
53
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,401
What smells like jizz?
54
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:13,372
Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo!
55
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:26,688
Come on, get in. Get in!
56
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,298
You suck!
57
00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:41,467
Okay, seriously.
Quit being such a fag and get in.
58
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,970
Never go down
So let's get it up
59
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:56,711
Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question,
and I want a straight answer.
60
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,988
- You queer?
- What?
61
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,526
- God damn it! I knew it!
- I didn't say anything.
62
00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:03,892
Exactly. If someone asks you
if you're a pole smoker,
63
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:07,399
you just deny it, straight off.
No pause, no farting around.
64
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,866
Rex, I'm not gay.
65
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,926
- Dad thinks you're gay.
- What?
66
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:14,132
- You're breaking the old man's heart.
- No, I'm not. I told him I'm not.
67
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,335
Ian, you're 18,
and you've never had a girlfriend.
68
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:20,106
That's how people wind up getting gay,
you know.
69
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,147
I don't think that's really how it happens.
70
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,615
Is that not how it happens?
So tell me how it happens, expert.
71
00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:27,118
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.
72
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:29,177
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?
73
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:32,348
- That's gross.
- You like them both, don't you?
74
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:36,962
It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want
the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock,
75
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,431
and Wednesdays and Thursdays
you're on to the balls.
76
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,695
- I don't know why you're talking about it.
- You can't choose, can you?
77
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:45,670
That's a tough one.
You love it and you're obsessed with it.
78
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,172
No, you are. You keep talking about it.
79
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,004
Why're you smiling at me? I'm serious.
80
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,011
Don't fucking smile at me. You know
I'll knock you out of this goddamn earth.
81
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,944
What does it taste like?
82
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:57,380
Like, right when you take your mouth off
and it's like kind of
83
00:06:57,450 --> 00:07:00,681
like you can almost see your reflection
in that fucking cock.
84
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,914
Smack you in the face with it a little bit.
85
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,116
- You don't like that?
- I don't eat...
86
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:12,097
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff,
hot vascular mushroom head.
87
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,359
Yeah, yeah.
88
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,697
Look, every guy's got a fantasy
about another guy,
89
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:19,499
but you got to bury that shit way down.
This is America, God damn it.
90
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:23,565
There is...
There is a girl that I've been kind of...
91
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:26,544
All right, I'm listening.
Where'd you meet her?
92
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,170
On the... Online.
93
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:33,340
What? For fuck's sake, Ian,
don't you watch Dateline?
94
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,822
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude
who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
95
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:41,451
But you'd love that, wouldn't you?
'Cause you're a homo.
96
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:59,706
Hey, Ian. Try not to come home any gayer
than you are now.
97
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:05,016
Seriously, though. You're a fag.
98
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:08,110
Hey, don't look at me like that.
I'll punch you in the goddamn throat.
99
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:21,259
Hey
100
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:25,326
What's your favorite song?
101
00:08:25,404 --> 00:08:28,237
Maybe we could hum along
102
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:35,813
Well, I think you're smart,
you sweet thing
103
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:41,716
Tell me your name,
I'm dying here
104
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:50,784
Got you where I want you
105
00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:53,454
Yeah
106
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:07,779
- Hey, Becca. How are you?
- I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever.
107
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,010
Hey, Becca.
Looks like you had a long, nasty night.
108
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:15,918
- Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno.
- Whatever. You guys are gross.
109
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:20,550
- I'm not gross. I didn't say anything.
- Okay, who's going on coupon rounds?
110
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,428
- No, Becca, I did it yesterday.
- Please, Ian.
111
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,430
I love you so much.
112
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:36,199
Hello. This is a coupon for six free...
No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.
113
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:38,903
- Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen.
- Thanks.
114
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,570
You're welcome. Sorry.
115
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,472
Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is?
116
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:48,611
- It's just past the movie theater.
- Thanks, man.
117
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,526
Yeah, real funny.
118
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,456
Free donuts, free coupons.
119
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,032
Felicia. How's it fitting, hon?
120
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:18,572
Well, you look nice.
121
00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:21,479
You know, sweetie,
there's still time to have your boobs done
122
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,714
before my wedding.
123
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,256
Darren and I already discussed them,
and he said he'd pay for it.
124
00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:28,487
I mean, he's a dentist,
so it's totally not a big deal.
125
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,955
Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors?
126
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,090
Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie?
127
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:37,658
Oh, no. I was just hoping
you could slit my wrists for me quickly.
128
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,535
My husband killed himself last Christmas.
129
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,870
I am so sorry. I was just...
130
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:50,741
Hello. This is a coupon
for six free donuts. Donuts?
131
00:10:56,989 --> 00:11:02,393
Oh, my God! You look so hot in that.
132
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,797
Hey, sweetheart, listen.
Please don't take this the wrong way,
133
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,799
but your whole trying too hard thing,
134
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,529
it's just coming across as needy,
you know?
135
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,935
And I think you're better than that,
Kimberly.
136
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:17,908
- But all I was saying was that...
- Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay?
137
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:20,068
I mean, Christ,
I'm out buying him clothes right now.
138
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:24,014
He's 18 years old.
I don't have to do that shit anymore.
139
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:28,611
Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry,
I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel.
140
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:33,953
Well, it's official, Lance,
your mom's still bat-shit crazy.
141
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,324
What? You're telling me
she doesn't shit-talk me?
142
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:39,296
No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever.
143
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,198
All right. Let me give you some advice,
Lance, all right?
144
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,260
Don't ever get married.
Just an endless parade of horseshit.
145
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:49,035
And whatever you do, man,
always wear a rubber. Christ.
146
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,941
Nice. Always classy.
147
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:55,777
Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like...
Come on, dawg.
148
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:03,320
Hey, sir. I've got something yummy
for your little girl.
149
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:09,827
Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!
150
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:19,227
- Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?
- I don't know.
151
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,705
Is there a cock and balls
on the front of me again?
152
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,265
- Like a little tree trunk.
- Thank you.
153
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,276
Oh, my God.
154
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:34,208
- Whoa. You look pretty.
- God, shut up, Ian!
155
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:38,188
What? I'm just saying,
you usually dress so... You look nice.
156
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,589
Ian, why do you got to work the mouth
when you talk to us?
157
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:44,151
- Yeah, Ian.
- Sorry, it's a... It's a habit.
158
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,256
Hey, that girl you work with, Becca,
you gonna bring her to my party tonight?
159
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:52,032
- Yeah, I asked her. She said no.
- Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you.
160
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:54,572
That's what you say about everyone.
161
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,631
She made you wear
the fucking costume again, right?
162
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,143
- You know, I don't mind...
- Dude, if you told her to fuck off,
163
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,544
she'd be two knuckles deep right now
daydreaming about your big black cock.
164
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,809
Ian, do not listen to him.
165
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,579
Okay, girls want a nice guy
who's gonna treat them well.
166
00:13:06,652 --> 00:13:08,279
- Really?
- Yes. Really.
167
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,584
Look, all I'm saying is
everybody wants a challenge.
168
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:13,056
- Everybody wants...
- What they can't get. I know, I got it.
169
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,458
Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like
I'm teaching you to walk sometimes.
170
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:20,522
- That shit does not work.
- It works on you.
171
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,362
No, it doesn't.
172
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,439
Felicia!
173
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:32,473
Balls! I got to go.
Evil cousin's spending the weekend.
174
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,412
- Pretty cousin?
- Ian, she's the anti-Christ.
175
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,609
- She's still super hot.
- Fuck you, too. See you.
176
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,744
So what happened with Becca?
177
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,412
You been doing like I told you,
being a dick?
178
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,948
Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick.
I'd say... No, not really.
179
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,861
I mean, you know,
I've sort of been practicing
180
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,126
your whole being-a-dick thing
with this girl I met online.
181
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,167
- And I get it, but I just...
- Thanks.
182
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,065
I don't think I could do that for real.
183
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:59,229
Dude, sure you can.
I believe in you, you know.
184
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:03,071
You just got to stop worrying
about being the good guy all the time.
185
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,235
I mean, okay,
look at Andy and Randy over there.
186
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,176
You think they care
what women think about them?
187
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:09,179
They could give a fuck.
188
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,512
- What's up? What's up?
- What's up, what's up?
189
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,952
Hi. I'm collecting for
the underprivileged children of Ecuador.
190
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,420
- Would you like to help?
- Not really.
191
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,957
- We don't have any money.
- No jobs.
192
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,260
You wanna party?
193
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,489
Um... I'm kind of working right now.
194
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,895
- When are you done?
- Yeah, what are you doing after?
195
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,524
I have a church thing tonight.
196
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,535
- Kick ass, we'll come.
- Yeah, where is it?
197
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,628
Is there gonna be
more hot snatch like you there?
198
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,697
Those guys are total nards.
They never get anywhere.
199
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:37,708
That's just 'cause they don't know
how to close.
200
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:39,403
But they're ability to open
is fucking heroic.
201
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,179
- Do you wear thong underpants?
- Do you want us to take our shirts off?
202
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:44,580
- What color bra are you wearing?
- Is your mom hot, too?
203
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,242
Are you into me?
204
00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:48,047
- Where do you live?
- What color car do you have?
205
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,781
- Where do you live?
- What's your address?
206
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,550
- Do you want us to come over?
- Do you like pizza?
207
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,524
We've been to a motel.
208
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:01,264
- Fuck off, donut.
- Rex, it's me.
209
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,435
What the fuck is this all about?
210
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:08,405
I broke the key off of our locker.
I couldn't get my clothes out.
211
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:12,376
Stow that shit in the trunk.
Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole.
212
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:18,881
You suck.
213
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:24,319
Becca? Hey.
214
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:27,759
Wow, I didn't know
that you were coming over.
215
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:33,792
Cool. I didn't even know
that you knew where I lived. I mean...
216
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,528
- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah.
217
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:40,038
- So...
- Oh! It's a funny story. I broke...
218
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:43,905
I broke my key off
and Ron let me borrow the...
219
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:47,707
Anyway, so this is great.
You changed your mind.
220
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,008
Now, the party, it doesn't start
221
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:52,915
- for a few hours.
- Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here.
222
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:57,722
- Dylan?
- Yeah. Is he here?
223
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,190
- My 14-year-old brother Dylan?
- Yeah.
224
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:05,219
Nice underpants, Ian.
- Snap! Dang, that was funny.
225
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,288
You know he's 14, right?
226
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:29,446
Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous.
I love it.
227
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:42,594
- Hey, congrats. Good to see you.
- Hey.
228
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:48,368
Is this the plan?
229
00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:02,082
Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here.
Get off your wallflower ass.
230
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:05,123
- Are you smoking cigars now?
- Yes.
231
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,455
- Hey, Lance. Tight party.
- Okay, rude.
232
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,358
You can see
I'm having a conversation here.
233
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:13,364
Now, I'll be with you
in a few minutes, okay?
234
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:14,763
- Thank you.
- We're sorry.
235
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,801
- Don't apologize to her.
- I'm sorry.
236
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,564
Don't apologize to me.
237
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,899
Hey, I'm gonna go see
who Felicia's talking to.
238
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,207
No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?
239
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,304
I know you guys are BFF and all that shit,
240
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,747
but tonight's about getting that dick
a little daylight.
241
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,842
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,
where you going?
242
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:36,387
Come here, we're not done. Get in here.
243
00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:40,289
- You know my boy Ian?
- Yeah. No. I don't know.
244
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:44,261
- You used to be on my paper route.
- Okay, sure. My mom likes you.
245
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:50,758
Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him.
He's a big, bright crimson king. Right?
246
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:53,031
You know what else?
247
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,232
Ian is a bust-ass virgin.
248
00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,241
I'm so sorry.
249
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:02,542
Don't let that deter you from fucking him.
250
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:11,484
Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked.
I got into the University of Wisconsin,
251
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,787
and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine,
'cause that's where...
252
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:16,293
- Are you gonna go to college?
- University of Boulder.
253
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,057
It's a great party school.
254
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:23,500
You know, I read that they have
a really great astronomy program.
255
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:25,503
I don't know if that's
what you're going there for or...
256
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:31,237
Because it's really high elevation,
and you can see the stars really well...
257
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,375
Planets.
258
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:39,473
Wow! A little tip action there.
That's really suggestive.
259
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,782
I'm not saying that
you're gonna do that on my, well...
260
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:46,119
You can just stick with my finger
if you want 'cause this feels great, so...
261
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:52,556
You're really good at that.
That's really wet. Two...
262
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:58,035
Ian! Dude!
- I'm... Could you excuse me for a second?
263
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,094
Hello. Hello?
264
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:03,539
- Hey!
- Hey! What up?
265
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:07,375
- What are you doing in there, man?
- What're you doing out here, man?
266
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,279
- I asked you first.
- Nothing.
267
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:14,115
No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt,
so then I had to...
268
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:19,123
- I thought you had, like, a girl in there.
- Yeah, right. I wish.
269
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:22,718
So, okay.
So, are your parents, like, still going
270
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,854
to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend?
271
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,590
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They all take off in the morning.
272
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:27,927
Okay. Awesome.
273
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:33,028
'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts,
so, I don't know,
274
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:36,268
you think, like, maybe I could hang
at your place this weekend?
275
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:39,037
Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something.
It'll be fun.
276
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:45,414
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
Hey, I have a secret.
277
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:49,686
- Okay.
- But it's like a girl secret, so...
278
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:54,488
- Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay.
- Yeah.
279
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:57,357
Hey, Dibits, fuck off.
280
00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:03,032
Okay, so I... Oh my God, this is so lame.
281
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:07,561
- Look at you acting like such a girl.
- I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is.
282
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:13,845
I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy.
283
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:17,040
Yeah? Well, who is it?
284
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:19,913
Come on, you know me better than anyone.
I bet you know who it is.
285
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:21,543
Come on, guess.
286
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:24,578
Um...
287
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,948
I think I know.
288
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:41,036
I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you.
You're so easy. You're so easy!
289
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:48,137
- You're my best friend.
- I know, and you're my best friend.
290
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:52,172
That's why it's funny that we would kiss,
because we wouldn't.
291
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:58,414
So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero?
292
00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:01,187
Um... Nobody.
293
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:05,094
- Nobody?
- I... I was kidding, too.
294
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:08,157
- That is funny.
- It's hilarious.
295
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,599
- That is so funny.
- That is so funny.
296
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,133
Oh! I...
297
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,194
- You got...
- Yeah.
298
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,798
- All right. So...
- Hey!
299
00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:18,240
Okay.
300
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,309
Harsh.
301
00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:38,488
Well, come on, Ian.
302
00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:41,893
You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna...
303
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,800
Ian, come on, baby. Don't be shy.
304
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:48,897
No, thanks. It looks like
you got your hands full there, so...
305
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,169
Sure you don't want to
get in on this, bro?
306
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:53,302
No, thanks, man.
307
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:56,779
It looks like you fellows
got it all under control.
308
00:21:56,848 --> 00:22:00,841
So I'm just gonna skedaddle.
You all take care now.
309
00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:02,477
Lindsay, say hi to your mom.
310
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,145
All right. See you later, buddy.
311
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:15,092
Ian. Dude, where you going?
312
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,428
Shit.
313
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,836
Hey, Goldie, scoot over.
314
00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:38,784
- Hey, babe, you wanna party?
- I'm at a party.
315
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:40,984
You should pee on us.
316
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:42,117
Why don't you take a picture, Ian?
317
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,924
Yeah, and post it on
Totalfuckingawesomeness. com.
318
00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:47,022
Backslash-we-rule!
319
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:48,259
Where'd you come up with that?
320
00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:53,430
- Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
- You just did.
321
00:22:54,272 --> 00:22:56,297
- Can I ask you another question?
- You just did again.
322
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,570
- What's up? What's up?
- What's up, what's up?
323
00:22:58,644 --> 00:23:01,909
Nice hair. It'll look even better in my crotch.
324
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:07,883
- Dude, where you going?
- Come on.
325
00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:10,955
What's going on?
Something troubling you? Be a buddy.
326
00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:16,120
- I'm... All right, all right.
- You got to get over the monkey.
327
00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:20,358
Where do you guys get the confidence to,
like, hit on every girl you see?
328
00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:24,266
- 'Cause we're the shit.
- Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch.
329
00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:30,740
- So where's Felicia?
- Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
330
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:35,077
- She's in...
- Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?
331
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,506
We're just friends.
332
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:39,345
- I'm uncircumcised.
- Yeah.
333
00:23:39,518 --> 00:23:41,713
- I'm into you and I'm hard.
- Yeah.
334
00:23:41,787 --> 00:23:44,187
- Hey, I was born to fertilize.
- Yeah.
335
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:46,417
- I'm a firefighter.
- Fuck off!
336
00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:49,656
Wait, I thought you took her to prom.
337
00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:52,697
Yeah,
but it was a just-friends kind of thing.
338
00:23:57,035 --> 00:23:59,196
You should bang her. We would.
339
00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:00,929
Dude, we would bang her so hard.
340
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:03,472
We would take that ass and just...
341
00:24:06,344 --> 00:24:08,505
Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you
if you're not into it.
342
00:24:08,580 --> 00:24:09,945
Yeah. Hard.
343
00:24:10,015 --> 00:24:12,245
- With our dicks!
- Yeah, our dicks are huge.
344
00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:15,445
You could see them from space!
What's up?
345
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,489
- What's up?
- Hey, do you have a phone number?
346
00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:21,183
You don't. Okay.
347
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,196
I'll call you from nationals.
348
00:24:32,537 --> 00:24:35,062
Say it.
- You're my little donut girl.
349
00:24:39,244 --> 00:24:42,907
- Bye, sexy.
- Yo, Ian.
350
00:24:44,049 --> 00:24:47,883
- You want to smell my finger?
- Yeah, okay.
351
00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:54,881
Are you sure you got the right hole?
352
00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:03,927
Kids.
353
00:25:10,976 --> 00:25:12,238
Awesome.
354
00:25:17,983 --> 00:25:20,281
Hmm... '69.
355
00:25:27,759 --> 00:25:28,851
Whoa.
356
00:25:37,636 --> 00:25:39,604
Don't puss out. Be cool.
357
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,808
I don't know.
358
00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:51,048
That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit!
359
00:25:53,251 --> 00:25:56,220
Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this.
360
00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:09,733
Holy buckets.
361
00:26:11,937 --> 00:26:14,235
She wants me to give her the D.
362
00:26:15,373 --> 00:26:16,397
Well, honey
363
00:26:16,474 --> 00:26:17,463
What ya got, Mr. Mans?
364
00:26:17,542 --> 00:26:18,975
I got a lot of money
365
00:26:19,044 --> 00:26:20,978
I don't see no keys in my hands
366
00:26:21,046 --> 00:26:23,913
I just wanna nasty girl
367
00:26:25,317 --> 00:26:27,683
Now tell me, is that nasty girl you?
368
00:26:27,752 --> 00:26:28,946
Do you like what you see?
369
00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:35,584
Could you be my nasty girl
and let me do that dirty dance with you?
370
00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:37,753
I can love you long time
371
00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:54,842
I like 'em all in shapes and sizes
372
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,108
And it don't make no difference to me
373
00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:03,477
If you're short, tall, big or small
Long if there ain't no big surprises
374
00:27:03,555 --> 00:27:05,785
Chances are you'll suit me to a T
375
00:27:14,532 --> 00:27:15,863
Love beef.
376
00:27:19,704 --> 00:27:21,365
Terry, phone call.
377
00:27:25,377 --> 00:27:28,676
Dude, weren't you in my gym class?
What is it? Egan?
378
00:27:28,747 --> 00:27:30,738
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan.
379
00:27:35,787 --> 00:27:39,883
Right. Whatever, scrotch.
You can't get your fist pregnant.
380
00:27:39,958 --> 00:27:43,621
Russ, man, check it out.
Yo, look who's buying jimmys.
381
00:27:44,562 --> 00:27:47,053
You want these gift-wrapped, Egan?
382
00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:53,295
Just ring it up, man.
383
00:27:53,371 --> 00:27:55,737
Karen, let me have that for you.
384
00:27:56,541 --> 00:27:59,101
Dad, what did you do with my helmet?
385
00:28:18,463 --> 00:28:25,392
Ian, honey,
I made you some tollhouse cookies.
386
00:28:26,271 --> 00:28:28,705
I'll just leave these here for you.
387
00:28:29,941 --> 00:28:31,306
I'll get them later.
388
00:28:31,977 --> 00:28:34,946
There's $40 in the cow for fun money,
389
00:28:35,613 --> 00:28:39,014
so be safe and sorry I didn't knock.
390
00:28:40,485 --> 00:28:44,285
Anytime. It's your home now.
391
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:46,981
Oh, dear.
392
00:28:50,762 --> 00:28:52,389
- Dude.
- Hey.
393
00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:55,490
What is going on with you?
You bought rubbers?
394
00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:58,702
- How did you know that?
- It's on Russ Miller's blog.
395
00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:04,934
Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago.
396
00:29:05,010 --> 00:29:06,443
What's the deal? Dude.
397
00:29:07,946 --> 00:29:10,915
She wants me to meet her tonight
at the Big Boy in Knoxville.
398
00:29:11,049 --> 00:29:14,951
This is a fucking written invitation
to your dick from the Internet.
399
00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:16,282
Oh, Jesus.
400
00:29:16,354 --> 00:29:18,652
Seriously, dude, pack your shit.
We're going to Knoxville.
401
00:29:18,723 --> 00:29:20,782
No. Stop it. Put these back.
402
00:29:20,892 --> 00:29:22,655
This is the type of girl who has...
403
00:29:22,727 --> 00:29:25,355
She has it shaved into a landing strip.
404
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:27,163
I can't deal with a landing strip.
405
00:29:27,232 --> 00:29:29,894
Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean,
she could have anything under there.
406
00:29:29,968 --> 00:29:34,530
There could be a little Hitler
or just a full, nasty Chewbacca.
407
00:29:36,074 --> 00:29:39,237
But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh.
408
00:29:39,310 --> 00:29:43,178
You know, she doesn't even want me.
She wants him.
409
00:29:44,349 --> 00:29:48,115
I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine.
410
00:29:48,186 --> 00:29:50,279
I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes.
411
00:29:50,555 --> 00:29:53,080
Tasty's probably a guy, anyway.
412
00:29:53,158 --> 00:29:55,854
Maybe. But what if she's not?
413
00:29:56,327 --> 00:29:59,819
You know, I mean, look, you've already
opened, and I could help you close.
414
00:30:00,365 --> 00:30:01,764
We just need one thing.
415
00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:11,902
Ian, just look at this.
I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO,
416
00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:14,604
she's gonna drop an egg right there
in the Big Boy parking lot.
417
00:30:14,679 --> 00:30:16,647
Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this.
418
00:30:17,715 --> 00:30:20,809
Here. Strap that end down. Tight.
419
00:30:21,419 --> 00:30:24,616
- The cord's too short.
- Put a little sack into it, powder puff.
420
00:30:28,526 --> 00:30:30,926
- All right. Thanks, little brother.
- Yeah.
421
00:30:31,329 --> 00:30:32,990
- Hey, Ian.
- Yeah.
422
00:30:33,431 --> 00:30:35,558
Did I hear something
about you wanting to borrow my car?
423
00:30:35,633 --> 00:30:38,295
No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you.
424
00:30:39,337 --> 00:30:40,599
You sure?
425
00:30:41,973 --> 00:30:45,431
You're my little brother, Ian.
All you gotta do is ask.
426
00:30:47,479 --> 00:30:48,571
Okay.
427
00:30:49,714 --> 00:30:52,205
Could I use The Judge this weekend?
428
00:30:57,155 --> 00:31:01,819
Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive
The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts.
429
00:31:05,430 --> 00:31:07,660
Let's go, Dad.
- What a dick.
430
00:31:07,732 --> 00:31:09,563
You should take his car just on principle.
431
00:31:09,968 --> 00:31:11,902
What do you want me to do, you know?
432
00:31:11,970 --> 00:31:14,530
I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it,
since I don't even know what that means.
433
00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:16,073
What are you doing?
434
00:31:19,978 --> 00:31:23,004
No. Lance, no! Put it back.
Did you just hear him? Please.
435
00:31:23,081 --> 00:31:25,242
Come here, we're gonna have a talk.
436
00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:27,778
She's only nine short hours away, okay?
437
00:31:27,852 --> 00:31:30,719
We're gonna head down there tonight
and you're gonna put a dent in that shit.
438
00:31:30,788 --> 00:31:33,757
Ian's gonna treat it like it's meat
that needs tenderizing.
439
00:31:33,825 --> 00:31:35,520
With his dick instead of a hammer.
440
00:31:35,593 --> 00:31:37,720
You can pound it till it bleeds.
441
00:31:37,795 --> 00:31:41,424
Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess,
and then we're gonna be...
442
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,262
- What're you doing?
- Still rolling.
443
00:31:45,336 --> 00:31:48,100
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it.
Ian's gonna pound on it.
444
00:31:48,173 --> 00:31:50,869
We're back tomorrow
before Rex even knows the car is gone.
445
00:31:50,942 --> 00:31:53,001
Now, listen, these girls at Madison are
gonna be fucking at a college level.
446
00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:56,204
I need you ready for that.
447
00:31:56,548 --> 00:31:58,539
Wait! Put it... Put it back.
448
00:31:59,317 --> 00:32:00,409
Back here.
449
00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:20,562
For God's sake. You two rump rangers
couldn't wait five minutes?
450
00:32:36,321 --> 00:32:37,447
Shit.
451
00:32:54,005 --> 00:32:55,563
- Shit!
- Fuck!
452
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,165
I told her she could stay here this weekend.
453
00:32:58,676 --> 00:33:02,203
Dude, what the hell?
Why are you driving Rex's car?
454
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,077
I thought me and...
455
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,479
- Are you bitching out on me?
- No.
456
00:33:08,553 --> 00:33:09,747
- No.
- No.
457
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,551
Good. Well, then where are we going?
458
00:33:13,558 --> 00:33:16,118
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee.
459
00:33:17,262 --> 00:33:18,695
Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom.
460
00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:22,597
Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome.
461
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,290
Dude, what the fuck?
462
00:33:24,369 --> 00:33:26,200
- I don't want her along.
- Really?
463
00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:28,432
You don't want to bring Yoko
on your sex trip?
464
00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:30,838
Yeah, no shit.
She's always cock-blocking you.
465
00:33:30,908 --> 00:33:33,468
No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a...
466
00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:35,739
Okay, twat blocking.
467
00:33:35,813 --> 00:33:36,905
Professor.
468
00:33:36,981 --> 00:33:38,005
When will you
be coming back?
469
00:33:38,082 --> 00:33:39,413
No, tomorrow.
470
00:33:39,484 --> 00:33:42,544
When?
- No. Bye! God.
471
00:33:42,620 --> 00:33:44,952
You guys
drive safe now. Bye!
472
00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:47,218
So, what's in Tennessee?
473
00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:50,656
My grandma has got some cancer.
474
00:33:51,462 --> 00:33:53,293
- Grammy K?
- She's fine.
475
00:33:53,598 --> 00:33:56,658
She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time.
476
00:33:57,935 --> 00:33:59,766
It's, you know... I mean, what is it called?
477
00:33:59,837 --> 00:34:01,896
- It's foot cancer.
- She's got a little foot cancer.
478
00:34:01,973 --> 00:34:04,168
She'll be hopping around in no time.
479
00:34:05,009 --> 00:34:07,409
So what's she doing in Tennessee?
480
00:34:07,679 --> 00:34:11,775
Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass
cancer center there.
481
00:34:11,849 --> 00:34:15,649
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's like... It's famous.
482
00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:18,515
- Yeah.
- So if you ever get any cancer,
483
00:34:18,589 --> 00:34:22,821
you should totally check it out.
484
00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:25,354
I would.
485
00:34:28,366 --> 00:34:32,666
So you want I-80 East and then
65 goes all the way through Indiana.
486
00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:35,638
- So how's it feel?
- What?
487
00:34:36,207 --> 00:34:40,109
I don't know, breaking the rules,
talking some shit, driving The Judge?
488
00:34:41,346 --> 00:34:42,870
It feels pretty good.
489
00:34:42,947 --> 00:34:45,245
I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw
490
00:34:45,316 --> 00:34:47,409
I'm in the prime of my life
491
00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:57,388
Let's make some music, make some money
Find some models for wives
492
00:35:01,232 --> 00:35:05,532
This is our decision
To live fast and die young
493
00:35:06,070 --> 00:35:11,201
We've got the vision
Now let's have some fun
494
00:35:13,511 --> 00:35:16,139
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah
495
00:35:20,051 --> 00:35:21,712
This dude wants to race.
496
00:35:23,421 --> 00:35:24,752
Let's go, ladies.
497
00:35:24,822 --> 00:35:27,518
Lance! Cut it out!
Come on, you don't know who's in there.
498
00:35:27,592 --> 00:35:31,722
Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve
McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car.
499
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:34,788
I refuse to be embarrassed by a car
that looks like a Trapper Keeper.
500
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:36,993
I am not racing in my brother's car.
501
00:35:38,002 --> 00:35:40,061
Holy shit.
502
00:35:41,105 --> 00:35:42,766
What the hell is that?
503
00:35:45,009 --> 00:35:47,068
Looks like a Nachos BellGrande.
504
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:48,612
And a chalupa!
505
00:35:48,913 --> 00:35:50,278
Medium Coke!
506
00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:52,673
Go right!
507
00:35:52,850 --> 00:35:54,943
Turn the wipers on!
- They are on.
508
00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:56,643
They're not working!
509
00:35:56,854 --> 00:35:59,687
Please, don't yell at me.
I'm doing the best I can.
510
00:36:00,658 --> 00:36:02,091
- Winnebago!
- Where?
511
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,991
Winnebago! Winnebago!
512
00:36:11,536 --> 00:36:13,629
Oh, my God, are you all right?
513
00:36:18,576 --> 00:36:21,977
Yeah, nobody offer to help.
I got this under control.
514
00:36:29,353 --> 00:36:33,517
- Are you all right?
- Do I look like I'm all right? Fuck!
515
00:36:35,827 --> 00:36:40,696
You know what might make you feel better?
Putting 40 on pump two.
516
00:36:55,913 --> 00:36:59,747
Hey. You okay in there?
517
00:37:01,953 --> 00:37:05,912
God damn! My back teeth are snorkeling.
518
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:13,219
Sweet relief.
519
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,259
You got the shy bladder?
520
00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:20,568
- Yeah.
- Damn.
521
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,271
Paruresis. That's what they call it.
522
00:37:26,344 --> 00:37:29,142
Let me tell you something.
I didn't catch your name.
523
00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:30,475
It's Ian.
524
00:37:30,548 --> 00:37:35,042
Let me tell you something, Ian.
I had it something fierce.
525
00:37:38,623 --> 00:37:42,024
You can do it, Ian. You can do it.
526
00:37:48,332 --> 00:37:50,823
Go running down by your sister.
527
00:37:50,902 --> 00:37:53,996
Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump.
528
00:37:54,405 --> 00:37:58,068
Yeah? You move your meat,
you lose your seat. Hmm.
529
00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:02,868
Logan, do not eat that.
You will fuck up your appetite!
530
00:38:04,248 --> 00:38:05,340
Damn.
531
00:38:06,450 --> 00:38:08,611
Listen, Reba.
532
00:38:08,686 --> 00:38:13,214
If you value the rest of your teeth,
you will shut off that pump.
533
00:38:18,629 --> 00:38:22,030
So I tells my daddy, "You know what?
You're not the boss of me.
534
00:38:22,099 --> 00:38:25,694
"Not you, not Angie,"
that's that girl I was telling you about.
535
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:27,829
"And sure as hell not this bladder of mine."
536
00:38:27,905 --> 00:38:29,998
Well, he looked at me,
and you should have...
537
00:38:30,074 --> 00:38:33,840
Ian. Where you going? Don't give up.
538
00:38:36,747 --> 00:38:39,682
Jesus. I've been pissing for an hour.
539
00:38:44,188 --> 00:38:48,181
- Another one for the collection.
- Cool. Thanks.
540
00:38:50,928 --> 00:38:52,020
What?
541
00:38:57,535 --> 00:39:00,732
It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry.
542
00:39:00,805 --> 00:39:02,500
Lance, what are you doing?
543
00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:04,507
Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself,
544
00:39:04,575 --> 00:39:08,511
because I'm just trying to show
another human being a little compassion.
545
00:39:09,113 --> 00:39:10,512
And my dick.
546
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:16,077
It's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall.
547
00:39:16,153 --> 00:39:18,553
You know why?
'Cause our love will dry them up.
548
00:39:18,623 --> 00:39:22,320
Love will keep us alive. Just like that song.
You know that song?
549
00:39:22,393 --> 00:39:26,523
That's our song now.
That song represents our bond.
550
00:39:28,299 --> 00:39:30,961
Don Henley's words represent our love.
551
00:39:37,441 --> 00:39:38,965
What have you got?
552
00:39:39,343 --> 00:39:41,777
Hey, kid, where you from?
553
00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:47,981
- I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago.
- Are you two married. No?
554
00:39:49,420 --> 00:39:55,256
- No, we're just friends. We're amigos.
- You make a good couple.
555
00:39:55,826 --> 00:39:58,522
She's pretty. Marry that girl.
556
00:39:58,629 --> 00:40:02,190
See my lady and I here,
we've been married forever.
557
00:40:02,266 --> 00:40:04,666
And I tell you she was gorgeous.
558
00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:08,171
The first day I saw her,
I said, "This is gonna be my wife."
559
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,799
And you know what? It happened.
560
00:40:10,875 --> 00:40:14,538
I tell you,
that was a very good year for corn.
561
00:40:14,612 --> 00:40:16,978
Made lots of money.
562
00:40:17,048 --> 00:40:22,816
I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady
a sexy French lingerie.
563
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:26,015
Boy, those were the best six bucks
I ever spent.
564
00:40:28,292 --> 00:40:31,489
You kids want to help yourself
to a can of Purple?
565
00:40:31,896 --> 00:40:35,855
- Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple?
- Yeah, I can go...
566
00:40:38,502 --> 00:40:40,663
Say, the boys still hanging?
567
00:40:41,639 --> 00:40:45,131
- You ever had a peppermint fatty?
- No. Let's have that.
568
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,176
See how that shoe fits.
569
00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:53,344
Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this?
570
00:40:55,653 --> 00:40:58,918
You know that thing,
when runners say they break the wall?
571
00:40:58,989 --> 00:41:01,651
You know, and it's all good after that?
572
00:41:02,093 --> 00:41:03,958
I feel like that
when my dick's in your mouth.
573
00:41:04,995 --> 00:41:07,429
It actually says Purple Soda.
574
00:41:12,269 --> 00:41:14,237
Bad boy.
575
00:41:18,976 --> 00:41:21,001
You like him, don't you?
576
00:41:24,081 --> 00:41:28,450
- What? Who?
- Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right?
577
00:41:28,586 --> 00:41:33,387
Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot.
578
00:41:33,457 --> 00:41:37,325
I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever.
579
00:41:41,098 --> 00:41:44,158
Brandy!
- Uh-oh!
580
00:41:44,235 --> 00:41:47,261
Brandy! Shit.
581
00:41:50,141 --> 00:41:52,075
- Howdy.
- Howdy.
582
00:41:52,143 --> 00:41:57,012
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am.
Where the fuck's Brandy at?
583
00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:11,687
- You ever hear of a rolling brown-out?
- No. Let's try it.
584
00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:14,991
You bleach that.
585
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:19,731
Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown!
Nothing brown! Nothing brown!
586
00:42:19,804 --> 00:42:22,204
What're you gonna do? Hit a girl?
587
00:42:22,473 --> 00:42:26,637
No, but I'm gonna
pummel his ass real good.
588
00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:29,076
There you go. There you go.
589
00:42:30,147 --> 00:42:31,136
Hey!
590
00:42:31,282 --> 00:42:32,613
I have to go to church.
591
00:42:33,484 --> 00:42:36,419
Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door!
592
00:42:42,326 --> 00:42:46,387
All right, this is not what it looks like.
It was a project for school.
593
00:42:46,463 --> 00:42:47,623
Purple Soda!
594
00:42:56,841 --> 00:42:58,035
Wiener!
595
00:43:01,979 --> 00:43:02,968
Ow!
596
00:43:25,302 --> 00:43:26,792
There you are.
597
00:43:29,039 --> 00:43:31,974
Come on, come on.
I do not want to die naked.
598
00:43:38,349 --> 00:43:42,615
Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch!
599
00:43:50,561 --> 00:43:54,156
Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy!
600
00:43:54,365 --> 00:43:58,426
I'm gonna ask you this just one time.
Did she give you the nugget?
601
00:43:58,836 --> 00:44:00,303
Hey, hold on!
602
00:44:01,972 --> 00:44:03,200
Come on, man, she's not worth it.
603
00:44:03,274 --> 00:44:05,970
She's just gonna shit all over you.
Trust me.
604
00:44:06,377 --> 00:44:09,403
- She touch your butthole?
- No, no. Jesus, no!
605
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,108
- Let's see!
- I thought she was a man. I'm gay.
606
00:44:12,182 --> 00:44:13,774
I'm gay as hell.
607
00:44:16,253 --> 00:44:18,721
Eat bat, dickhead!
608
00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,757
Holy shit!
609
00:44:23,861 --> 00:44:25,021
Ian just killed that guy.
610
00:44:25,095 --> 00:44:27,222
Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
611
00:44:27,298 --> 00:44:30,631
Look, I have my insurance card.
I'm sorry. We're from out of town.
612
00:44:30,701 --> 00:44:34,193
I couldn't see you through the corn.
I'm sorry.
613
00:44:37,775 --> 00:44:40,005
Where the hell's the road?
- It feels like left.
614
00:44:40,077 --> 00:44:41,237
I told you we didn't have time for this,
615
00:44:41,312 --> 00:44:43,576
- but all you care about is your stupid dick.
- Ian.
616
00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:45,308
And you leave us out there
with her mom's weird soda.
617
00:44:45,382 --> 00:44:47,782
- Ian.
- And her dad's balls in plain view...
618
00:44:47,851 --> 00:44:48,977
Ian, Ian, whip a shitty!
619
00:44:49,053 --> 00:44:50,350
Motherfucker!
620
00:45:01,165 --> 00:45:04,362
Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that!
621
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:08,335
Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving.
Lance, you suck!
622
00:45:08,605 --> 00:45:10,903
Where the hell are we?
- Where are the Google maps?
623
00:45:10,975 --> 00:45:13,409
- They're in my pants.
- Which are?
624
00:45:14,111 --> 00:45:15,908
In the trailer.
625
00:45:17,581 --> 00:45:19,742
Mmm-hmm. Great.
626
00:45:20,451 --> 00:45:24,717
Shit. I got gum in my bush.
627
00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:30,925
Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can
show us back to the highway.
628
00:45:30,995 --> 00:45:34,556
- Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker.
- Don't worry, I won't.
629
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:37,997
No, no, no.
630
00:45:39,269 --> 00:45:41,169
Oh, my God.
631
00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:47,400
Hey! Thanks for the lift, man.
I've been out there for hours.
632
00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:49,540
Not one car. Can you believe it?
633
00:45:49,613 --> 00:45:52,241
- Listen, sir, we didn't...
- You're good people.
634
00:45:52,316 --> 00:45:55,774
- Guy, you're not wearing any pants.
- Yeah, I know.
635
00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:57,244
Right on.
636
00:45:57,321 --> 00:45:59,221
Let's go. We better go.
637
00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:02,656
Hey, you got my stuff.
638
00:46:05,129 --> 00:46:09,031
Hey, real quick, guys,
what's the story of the girl?
639
00:46:09,099 --> 00:46:13,092
- I'm 25 years old.
- I don't know what he's talking about.
640
00:46:22,746 --> 00:46:27,308
I got nothing. There's no bars.
You know, it probably just needs water.
641
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,142
Got any in the trunk?
642
00:46:29,353 --> 00:46:31,947
Hey, sweetheart, men are talking.
We got this one.
643
00:46:32,022 --> 00:46:34,991
Yeah, thanks,
but this happened to my brother's car once
644
00:46:35,059 --> 00:46:37,857
- and you just piss in the radiator.
- Really?
645
00:46:38,095 --> 00:46:39,687
Yeah.
646
00:46:40,831 --> 00:46:42,958
Oh, God! Damn it!
647
00:46:44,401 --> 00:46:46,369
- Are you okay?
- Fuck. Yeah.
648
00:46:46,437 --> 00:46:48,132
That's a lesson learned.
649
00:46:50,774 --> 00:46:52,639
You can watch,
if you're into that kind of thing.
650
00:46:52,709 --> 00:46:56,145
Wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen
your dick enough for one day.
651
00:46:56,213 --> 00:47:01,048
Do you hear that? There's a ringing.
- Your loss. It's like razor blades.
652
00:47:01,118 --> 00:47:05,919
What? There's ants down here. FYI.
653
00:47:05,989 --> 00:47:10,756
All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it.
654
00:47:11,495 --> 00:47:14,760
Okay. Go away.
655
00:47:15,165 --> 00:47:19,295
Dude, seriously? Still?
I thought you got over this shit.
656
00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:22,305
You're a grown man.
657
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:33,172
Flowing river, gentle stream.
Flowing river, gentle stream.
658
00:47:33,250 --> 00:47:37,710
- Yo, stage fright, how're we doing?
- Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute.
659
00:47:39,123 --> 00:47:43,617
Excuse me.
We kind of need you to pee in the radiator.
660
00:47:44,161 --> 00:47:47,289
- Why?
- We just do.
661
00:47:48,632 --> 00:47:52,159
I'm sorry. I just took a squirt
a couple of minutes ago.
662
00:47:53,237 --> 00:47:55,228
You want me to shit in it?
663
00:47:56,340 --> 00:47:58,672
- We'll get back to you on that one.
- All right.
664
00:48:00,844 --> 00:48:03,438
- I'm telling you, I could shit right now.
- Awesome.
665
00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:08,374
Our new friend's got nothing left
in the tank.
666
00:48:12,923 --> 00:48:14,083
What?
667
00:48:17,694 --> 00:48:22,358
No. Guys, come on.
I don't have the aim that you do.
668
00:48:22,432 --> 00:48:26,163
Every drop helps so much.
669
00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:31,371
Hey, look what I found in my bag.
670
00:48:31,441 --> 00:48:32,772
Thank God.
671
00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:36,475
- No!
- What the fuck are you doing?
672
00:48:40,250 --> 00:48:44,209
You all just wait 20 minutes
and I'll top it off for you.
673
00:48:46,857 --> 00:48:48,415
Could be ten.
674
00:48:48,492 --> 00:48:52,258
Fine, fine. Okay.
But if any of you pervs peek,
675
00:48:52,329 --> 00:48:55,560
I swear to God it will be
your last conscious act.
676
00:49:03,507 --> 00:49:04,633
Shit.
677
00:49:19,289 --> 00:49:21,257
You kids need some help?
678
00:49:28,131 --> 00:49:29,155
Hi.
679
00:49:35,372 --> 00:49:36,566
Are you okay?
680
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,768
Yeah, I'm great.
I just beaved a family of four.
681
00:49:40,944 --> 00:49:42,138
Try it.
682
00:49:47,618 --> 00:49:48,778
All set?
683
00:49:48,852 --> 00:49:51,685
Look, I'm sorry, sir,
but we can't give you a ride.
684
00:49:53,790 --> 00:49:55,883
I'm gonna say this once.
685
00:49:55,959 --> 00:49:59,952
You unlock this fucking car,
or God is my witness,
686
00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:02,658
I'll stake you all to the ground,
687
00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:05,998
cut you open and let the dogs get at you.
688
00:50:07,504 --> 00:50:08,493
Oh, yeah?
689
00:50:11,308 --> 00:50:13,503
Bye-bye.
690
00:50:18,649 --> 00:50:20,947
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
691
00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:22,849
What happened?
- It's stuck.
692
00:50:26,590 --> 00:50:27,955
Uh-oh.
693
00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:30,960
That didn't work out like you planned,
did it?
694
00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:35,397
You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed.
It shows zero character.
695
00:50:35,465 --> 00:50:37,023
I know, I'm sorry.
696
00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:38,761
And you're a dick.
697
00:50:39,336 --> 00:50:43,534
You're a dick. You know what, ma'am?
You're a dick, too.
698
00:50:48,278 --> 00:50:51,008
- Here's that pee you ordered.
- Roll them up.
699
00:50:52,949 --> 00:50:56,885
- There you go, Tex.
- You're soaked with pee.
700
00:50:56,953 --> 00:50:58,511
Quick car wash?
701
00:50:58,588 --> 00:51:01,022
- God!
- Gross.
702
00:51:01,091 --> 00:51:04,686
It smells like beef jerky. You know?
703
00:51:05,362 --> 00:51:08,422
It's just got like that sour sweetness.
704
00:51:10,567 --> 00:51:13,127
How can nobody go down a road
for an hour and a half?
705
00:51:13,203 --> 00:51:15,034
Why did they even make this stupid road?
706
00:51:15,105 --> 00:51:17,437
It's so hot out here.
707
00:51:17,507 --> 00:51:18,496
Ow!
708
00:51:21,945 --> 00:51:26,609
Oh, my God, your head.
Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see.
709
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:28,809
Yes. It hurts.
710
00:51:31,088 --> 00:51:34,524
- What is that?
- Oh, my God.
711
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:39,084
Wow.
712
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:54,300
That is so beautiful.
713
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:04,612
Need some help?
714
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:10,817
- Yeah, but no offense...
- Right, 'cause I'm Amish,
715
00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:13,863
so I wouldn't know anything
about your '69 GTO Judge.
716
00:52:14,164 --> 00:52:17,930
455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi,
something like that.
717
00:52:18,001 --> 00:52:21,027
Weird, that thing must have fallen
straight from space.
718
00:52:21,104 --> 00:52:23,800
Well, good luck with the future ride,
spaceman.
719
00:52:26,510 --> 00:52:28,637
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.
720
00:52:29,012 --> 00:52:30,172
Wow!
721
00:52:30,247 --> 00:52:31,271
Okay.
722
00:52:31,348 --> 00:52:35,648
What are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea.
723
00:52:35,819 --> 00:52:36,979
- What?
- Come on.
724
00:52:37,053 --> 00:52:39,578
You don't know how far we have to walk.
Those are your only pair of shoes.
725
00:52:39,656 --> 00:52:42,921
You know what? You're probably right.
God, you're so sensible.
726
00:52:43,093 --> 00:52:45,755
But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't?
727
00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:47,126
I should.
728
00:52:49,633 --> 00:52:51,328
I can't believe you just did that.
729
00:52:51,401 --> 00:52:54,495
So he met this chick on the Internet,
which is sketchy.
730
00:52:54,571 --> 00:52:56,061
The Internet?
731
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:01,002
Yeah, it's like a series of computers
that are connected through...
732
00:53:01,077 --> 00:53:02,408
Computers?
733
00:53:04,047 --> 00:53:07,642
A computer is like a big calculator,
you know, with the screen.
734
00:53:07,717 --> 00:53:10,049
I'm just busting your balls, man.
I know what the Internet is.
735
00:53:12,889 --> 00:53:14,948
- Okay.
- You ever heard of Rumspringa?
736
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:17,459
Yeah, that ska band from Delaware.
737
00:53:17,527 --> 00:53:21,725
No, it means "run wild." It's an Amish
tradition where when we turn 16,
738
00:53:21,798 --> 00:53:24,358
we can go live like you heathens
for a while.
739
00:53:24,434 --> 00:53:29,667
You go nuts, party for months or years
till your folks start hassling you,
740
00:53:29,739 --> 00:53:32,105
and then it's back to the Stone Age.
741
00:53:32,175 --> 00:53:34,166
But if you're on Rumspringa,
what's with the buggy?
742
00:53:34,244 --> 00:53:37,441
Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore.
743
00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:39,914
I probably shouldn't even be
talking to you but...
744
00:53:39,983 --> 00:53:42,816
I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw.
745
00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:46,344
- Sometimes I just miss the world.
- What do you miss the most?
746
00:53:46,423 --> 00:53:49,620
You know, I miss sarcasm.
It's mostly lost on my people.
747
00:53:49,693 --> 00:53:50,717
Oh.
748
00:53:50,794 --> 00:53:56,494
And gambling. Went to Vegas once.
And buttfucking.
749
00:53:58,134 --> 00:54:00,329
Have a lot of nice memories there.
750
00:54:00,403 --> 00:54:02,234
I hear that.
- Oh, yeah.
751
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:04,404
Buttfucking.
752
00:54:05,475 --> 00:54:07,943
Wait, are we talking about dudes?
753
00:54:08,678 --> 00:54:11,044
- No.
- Okay. Then yeah.
754
00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:15,916
I mean, unless that's what you're into,
and then, whatever.
755
00:54:15,986 --> 00:54:17,715
- It's not.
- No?
756
00:54:17,787 --> 00:54:18,776
No.
757
00:54:19,322 --> 00:54:21,984
- Not into dudes.
- No, no, no, no, no.
758
00:54:22,425 --> 00:54:24,950
- How old are you?
- Old enough.
759
00:54:26,563 --> 00:54:28,190
How old are you?
760
00:54:33,937 --> 00:54:35,768
This is gonna happen.
761
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:40,273
It's gonna happen
whether you fight it or not.
762
00:54:40,343 --> 00:54:42,777
So I kind of want you to fight it.
763
00:54:44,414 --> 00:54:45,438
Cut.
764
00:54:45,515 --> 00:54:48,575
- All right. Now you.
- No way. Forget it.
765
00:54:48,652 --> 00:54:51,177
Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever.
766
00:54:51,254 --> 00:54:54,382
Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country
to go to...
767
00:54:54,457 --> 00:54:58,018
To visit your grandma? Whoa!
768
00:54:58,161 --> 00:55:00,959
So anyway, we're there and she's like...
769
00:55:02,899 --> 00:55:03,888
Oh, yeah.
770
00:55:04,701 --> 00:55:05,895
Like, she won't stop crying.
771
00:55:05,969 --> 00:55:07,459
- That's the funniest thing, too.
- I know.
772
00:55:07,537 --> 00:55:11,371
I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas,
and I was like, "you want this?"
773
00:55:11,441 --> 00:55:15,036
So she's like, "Yeah, I want it, I want it."
774
00:55:16,279 --> 00:55:18,611
And I was like,
yeah, this gets hotter by the second.
775
00:55:18,682 --> 00:55:22,413
"What're you crying about?" She's like,
"...wanted to be a doctor."
776
00:55:22,485 --> 00:55:27,422
And I'm like,
"Yeah, you're a fucking Ph.D. of cock."
777
00:55:27,490 --> 00:55:29,390
- Yeah.
- Yeah, exactly.
778
00:55:29,459 --> 00:55:33,623
And then coercing my load
out on to the crying face.
779
00:55:33,697 --> 00:55:37,497
Vegas in general is just... Good times.
780
00:55:38,635 --> 00:55:40,796
You can get a blowjob for $10.
781
00:55:40,904 --> 00:55:45,102
Or for free if you meet the right girl
and tell her "I'm on Rumspringa."
782
00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:47,973
"What is this blowjob that you speak of?"
783
00:55:48,678 --> 00:55:51,044
"Your techno music beguiles me."
784
00:55:52,382 --> 00:55:54,441
Let me put it in your butt.
785
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:56,212
You know, when you cut your foot on
a piece of glass,
786
00:55:56,286 --> 00:55:58,720
- don't think I'm gonna carry you.
- You know what? I will be fine. Okay?
787
00:55:58,788 --> 00:56:03,691
- I was born barefoot.
- Hey! Wait!
788
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:06,820
Hey! Stop!
789
00:56:10,533 --> 00:56:12,524
Have a nice walk, shit-birds.
790
00:56:15,805 --> 00:56:17,136
Oh!
791
00:56:20,644 --> 00:56:23,272
Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel.
792
00:56:23,346 --> 00:56:25,041
What up, English?
793
00:56:33,990 --> 00:56:35,821
There's no service out here.
794
00:56:36,159 --> 00:56:39,185
- I can't even tell her I'll be late.
- Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting.
795
00:56:39,262 --> 00:56:41,423
You don't want to come off as desperate.
796
00:56:41,498 --> 00:56:44,228
I'm driving nine hours.
How am I not coming off desperate?
797
00:56:44,300 --> 00:56:48,327
- We had shit to do.
- Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff?
798
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:52,003
You blew your head gasket.
That's not good.
799
00:56:52,075 --> 00:56:54,600
- Shit.
- Don't cry. We can fix it.
800
00:56:54,678 --> 00:56:56,805
- Really?
- Yeah, really. We're good at it.
801
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:58,404
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it,
802
00:56:58,481 --> 00:56:59,607
but it's an impressive thing.
803
00:56:59,683 --> 00:57:01,514
- Yeah. We'll fix it.
- Wow, that'd be cool.
804
00:57:01,584 --> 00:57:05,816
Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it?
I might be the coolest guy you ever met.
805
00:57:05,889 --> 00:57:07,117
- Wow.
- Wow.
806
00:57:08,124 --> 00:57:09,716
- Thank you.
- Yeah. You're welcome.
807
00:57:09,793 --> 00:57:12,387
That's what you say
when people do nice things for you.
808
00:57:12,462 --> 00:57:14,521
You know, there's a pretty big shindig
shaping up next door
809
00:57:14,597 --> 00:57:17,623
if you guys want to hang there
while we work on it.
810
00:57:17,701 --> 00:57:20,534
Take it easy while we do all this for you.
811
00:57:23,173 --> 00:57:26,665
- Does he have an attitude?
- No, he's fucking with you.
812
00:57:27,544 --> 00:57:28,704
Okay.
813
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:33,914
Just relax, man.
I got a good feeling about this, you know.
814
00:57:33,983 --> 00:57:35,416
You're gonna party with the Amish.
815
00:57:35,485 --> 00:57:38,545
Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be
one kick-ass quilting bee.
816
00:57:41,524 --> 00:57:43,014
What's up, man?
817
00:57:43,093 --> 00:57:48,156
- Hey.
- No f-ing way!
818
00:57:50,233 --> 00:57:55,170
When I'm home alone
I just can't stop myself
819
00:57:55,839 --> 00:57:58,433
- This is insane!
- I know.
820
00:58:00,977 --> 00:58:07,940
Signing off, " I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen"
821
00:58:08,017 --> 00:58:13,011
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
822
00:58:13,556 --> 00:58:18,619
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
823
00:58:19,195 --> 00:58:24,690
The kid was all right, but it went to his head
824
00:58:32,408 --> 00:58:37,812
Thank you, guys, very, very, very much.
You guys fucking rule, man.
825
00:58:53,630 --> 00:58:57,361
Dude. Don't even bother.
Your game is not gonna work on that girl.
826
00:58:57,667 --> 00:59:01,797
What do you know about girls?
I've never even seen you with a girl.
827
00:59:02,539 --> 00:59:04,769
I'm gonna go check on the car.
828
00:59:10,747 --> 00:59:12,681
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.
829
00:59:13,116 --> 00:59:17,553
- Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize.
- Come on. Don't be hating.
830
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:23,715
Fine.
831
00:59:35,485 --> 00:59:37,009
So at this point,
her panties are off,
832
00:59:37,086 --> 00:59:39,350
but I'm still apprehensive
about her husband being there,
833
00:59:39,422 --> 00:59:40,980
'cause he is just staring at me.
834
00:59:41,055 --> 00:59:46,755
Whoa! Hey, what is this?
Why are the seats out?
835
00:59:46,828 --> 00:59:49,160
Ian, do you know anything
about fixing these old Pontiacs?
836
00:59:49,230 --> 00:59:53,326
I don't care, okay?
Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just
837
00:59:53,401 --> 00:59:56,461
- put them back in there. I don't want...
- Ian, you've gotta calm down.
838
00:59:56,537 --> 00:59:57,868
Do you know any breathing exercises?
839
00:59:57,939 --> 01:00:00,100
Because you are right on the verge
of a freak-out.
840
01:00:00,174 --> 01:00:04,975
You don't know my brother, okay?
He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters.
841
01:00:05,046 --> 01:00:08,675
What? He's gonna what? With what?
842
01:00:08,749 --> 01:00:13,516
Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early,
and he's gonna walk into the bank,
843
01:00:13,588 --> 01:00:15,681
stand in line, change a 10,
844
01:00:15,823 --> 01:00:19,657
find my ass and just fuck it
with a roll of fucking quarters.
845
01:00:34,742 --> 01:00:36,539
Yeah, witness sucks!
846
01:00:38,112 --> 01:00:40,774
We've got to get that guy laid tonight.
847
01:00:41,215 --> 01:00:43,342
Is your sister still a slut?
848
01:01:08,609 --> 01:01:12,943
Check it out. It's totally working.
849
01:01:13,014 --> 01:01:15,244
You're the best wing-man ever.
850
01:01:15,316 --> 01:01:17,841
She's in, she's in. Watch this.
851
01:01:27,995 --> 01:01:31,260
Rumspringa! Whoo!
852
01:01:33,134 --> 01:01:35,466
- I took a wicked digger.
- Yes, you did.
853
01:01:35,536 --> 01:01:38,027
I think you may have had a little too much
to drink. Maybe you should...
854
01:01:38,105 --> 01:01:43,304
Maybe you should shut your face hole
'cause I've only had one beer ever.
855
01:01:46,881 --> 01:01:49,714
- First day of Rumspringa?
- Rumspringa!
856
01:01:52,853 --> 01:01:54,445
- Uh-oh!
- Oh!
857
01:01:57,024 --> 01:01:58,116
Hey.
858
01:02:00,328 --> 01:02:05,925
- All right. Okay. You good? All right.
- Aw! You guys are so nice.
859
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:07,991
Don't let her step in it.
860
01:02:09,704 --> 01:02:13,435
I love you guys 'cause you're awesome.
861
01:02:13,507 --> 01:02:15,338
'Cause you're awesome.
862
01:02:16,077 --> 01:02:19,103
Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off.
863
01:02:20,081 --> 01:02:23,175
What? What's wrong with you?
864
01:02:23,417 --> 01:02:27,183
- Yeah, what's your problem, bitch?
- Nothing. I'm fine.
865
01:02:27,321 --> 01:02:30,347
Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off.
866
01:02:30,658 --> 01:02:32,091
- It's Lance, right?
- No.
867
01:02:32,159 --> 01:02:34,525
I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl
and you're out here.
868
01:02:34,595 --> 01:02:35,619
Wrong.
869
01:02:35,696 --> 01:02:38,563
Come on, Leesh, just drop
the hard-ass thing for two minutes.
870
01:02:38,632 --> 01:02:42,261
You know. It's okay. You're into Lance.
871
01:02:44,772 --> 01:02:48,139
- God, I'm such an idiot.
- Look, there's something about Lance.
872
01:02:49,276 --> 01:02:53,508
Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance.
873
01:02:55,016 --> 01:02:57,951
Just promise me
you won't ever be like Lance.
874
01:02:59,887 --> 01:03:04,688
What is wrong with us?
Let's go have some fun. Come on.
875
01:03:05,226 --> 01:03:07,251
- No. No.
- No?
876
01:03:07,762 --> 01:03:12,699
Come on, we're young, and we're Amish,
and it's Rumspringa.
877
01:03:12,767 --> 01:03:14,257
Rumspringa!
878
01:03:41,562 --> 01:03:44,360
Ian, you little cock-sucker!
879
01:04:22,303 --> 01:04:23,327
Ah!
880
01:04:23,404 --> 01:04:26,066
Leesh, you're so stubborn.
Look at your feet.
881
01:04:26,140 --> 01:04:28,438
They are fine. All right?
882
01:04:29,944 --> 01:04:32,208
Hey. What's the plan?
883
01:04:33,547 --> 01:04:36,448
I might as well find a phone and call Rex
884
01:04:37,218 --> 01:04:41,245
- so he can get on with killing me.
- What about visiting your grandma?
885
01:04:41,489 --> 01:04:44,947
Yeah, dude. You been putting off
visiting your grandma for too long.
886
01:04:45,025 --> 01:04:48,290
- It's about time you visited Grandma.
- Yeah.
887
01:04:48,362 --> 01:04:53,595
Lance, you know,
I really do want to visit my grandma, but...
888
01:04:53,667 --> 01:04:58,536
Dude, I really can't stress enough how
much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.
889
01:04:58,906 --> 01:05:02,467
You know, I visit my grandma sometimes
two or three times a week,
890
01:05:02,543 --> 01:05:05,740
and it is always a pleasure.
She's just a delight.
891
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:06,904
What am I supposed to do?
892
01:05:07,014 --> 01:05:09,312
Our transportation is all over the floor
of that barn.
893
01:05:09,383 --> 01:05:10,714
Hey, Mary!
894
01:05:13,087 --> 01:05:14,076
Hi.
895
01:05:17,858 --> 01:05:21,157
Wow, you look beautiful.
896
01:05:21,629 --> 01:05:22,857
Oh, please.
897
01:05:22,930 --> 01:05:28,163
I mean, seriously, you wearing that,
churning some butter. Sexy.
898
01:05:28,235 --> 01:05:30,965
So I had the best time with you last night.
899
01:05:31,038 --> 01:05:32,471
Yeah, me, too.
900
01:05:32,540 --> 01:05:35,407
So you got my number.
You're gonna call me, right?
901
01:05:36,577 --> 01:05:37,771
No.
902
01:05:38,946 --> 01:05:41,676
"No." You're funny.
903
01:05:42,416 --> 01:05:48,116
I mean, Lance, I really like you,
but Rumspringa's over for me.
904
01:05:48,956 --> 01:05:51,049
- So...
- Rumspringa!
905
01:05:57,331 --> 01:05:58,696
Sorry.
906
01:06:24,625 --> 01:06:25,819
You fixed it?
907
01:06:25,893 --> 01:06:29,385
Yeah, we hit a few snags,
but she's banging like a champ now.
908
01:06:29,463 --> 01:06:32,330
Man, I don't even...
I don't even know what to say here.
909
01:06:32,399 --> 01:06:34,799
You know, I don't really have much...
910
01:06:34,868 --> 01:06:36,665
Oh, no, we're good. We're good.
911
01:06:36,737 --> 01:06:40,434
I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor,
that's a gift.
912
01:06:40,808 --> 01:06:44,073
Man, you're too... Here, thanks.
Thank you so much.
913
01:06:44,144 --> 01:06:45,805
- You're welcome.
- Thank you, it's really cool.
914
01:06:45,879 --> 01:06:47,847
It is. You know, I mean,
915
01:06:47,915 --> 01:06:51,248
if you felt the need to reciprocate
in some way,
916
01:06:51,318 --> 01:06:53,718
I mean, there's a lot of chores
that need to be done around here.
917
01:06:53,787 --> 01:06:57,883
Yeah, no, the only thing about that is
we're kind of behind schedule right now.
918
01:06:57,958 --> 01:06:59,983
Yeah, but, I mean,
we could totally come back.
919
01:07:00,060 --> 01:07:02,358
- We could hit you on our way back through.
- Okay.
920
01:07:02,429 --> 01:07:05,057
Yeah, you should.
You should really get on the road.
921
01:07:05,132 --> 01:07:09,967
I mean, you got a smooth-running
vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.
922
01:07:10,037 --> 01:07:14,872
- Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good?
- We're good. Yeah, technically.
923
01:07:15,142 --> 01:07:17,337
I mean, we fixed your car for free,
and you're leaving.
924
01:07:17,411 --> 01:07:20,039
So I'd say that makes us dead square.
925
01:07:21,448 --> 01:07:22,779
We'll come back. I promise.
926
01:07:22,850 --> 01:07:26,149
- I'm looking forward to that.
- Hey, no, seriously, we will.
927
01:07:26,220 --> 01:07:28,654
Okay. We'll all hold our breath
till you get back.
928
01:07:28,722 --> 01:07:31,816
On three, guys. Three, two...
929
01:07:41,502 --> 01:07:45,029
My stomach's killing me.
Tell me if you see a rest stop.
930
01:07:45,906 --> 01:07:47,339
You know, I really feel sorry for Mary
931
01:07:47,408 --> 01:07:51,276
because her lifestyle is keeping her
from being happy.
932
01:07:51,345 --> 01:07:53,575
And that's no way to live.
933
01:07:53,647 --> 01:07:57,447
Lance, don't you know your little theory of
"People want what they can't get."
934
01:07:57,518 --> 01:07:59,952
That's all she is. Ian, gas station.
935
01:08:00,020 --> 01:08:04,957
No. Felicia, this is different okay,
because she changed me.
936
01:08:05,025 --> 01:08:07,687
You know, I'm a butterfly now
because of her.
937
01:08:07,761 --> 01:08:12,357
Because when I'm with her,
I was like a spiritually whole human being.
938
01:08:12,433 --> 01:08:16,563
And if you don't believe that,
you can suck my dick.
939
01:08:36,590 --> 01:08:39,582
Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian.
940
01:08:39,827 --> 01:08:41,624
'Cause you're a big, giant pussy.
That's right.
941
01:08:41,695 --> 01:08:45,426
I'm gonna lift up this door
and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge
942
01:08:45,499 --> 01:08:48,161
is gonna be sitting right there
gleaming at me,
943
01:08:48,235 --> 01:08:51,295
or I'm gonna have the fucking
neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.
944
01:09:08,889 --> 01:09:10,049
Want some of this?
945
01:09:15,596 --> 01:09:17,291
He took my fucking baby.
946
01:09:19,299 --> 01:09:20,630
Cocksucker!
947
01:09:24,805 --> 01:09:25,863
Shit!
948
01:09:25,939 --> 01:09:29,602
Hey, Knievel, what say you get
your bike out of the fricking road?
949
01:09:29,743 --> 01:09:32,234
Hey! Hey!
950
01:09:51,465 --> 01:09:53,262
All ocupado, sport?
951
01:09:58,539 --> 01:10:01,337
Sounds like
someone's got one in sideways.
952
01:10:07,214 --> 01:10:08,408
Gents.
953
01:10:09,016 --> 01:10:13,214
Well, looks like we're up.
Go on, get in there.
954
01:10:21,762 --> 01:10:22,751
Oh!
955
01:10:23,697 --> 01:10:25,528
Am I getting a signal?
956
01:10:27,100 --> 01:10:30,331
Tasty, I got sidetracked last night.
957
01:10:31,405 --> 01:10:34,431
I had to party with some new homies.
958
01:10:37,177 --> 01:10:41,375
Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy.
959
01:10:43,083 --> 01:10:44,846
I'm worth the wait.
960
01:10:49,756 --> 01:10:50,745
Yes!
961
01:10:58,866 --> 01:11:02,893
No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you!
962
01:11:05,973 --> 01:11:09,500
Hello? Little buddy? Hello.
963
01:11:11,311 --> 01:11:13,245
Spooner. Spooner. Spooner.
964
01:11:15,916 --> 01:11:19,579
Was that you screaming in there?
- I don't want to talk about it. Ever.
965
01:11:19,653 --> 01:11:22,679
- Where's Felicia?
- She went to get corn dogs.
966
01:11:47,881 --> 01:11:50,179
Can you believe
the girls around here, man?
967
01:11:50,250 --> 01:11:54,243
But, man, where am I ever gonna find
another girl as cool as Mary?
968
01:11:57,457 --> 01:11:58,856
You like it?
969
01:12:03,630 --> 01:12:06,190
- What about Felicia?
- What about her?
970
01:12:09,636 --> 01:12:13,367
- She's into you.
- Yeah, no shit. Get in line.
971
01:12:13,440 --> 01:12:16,170
What is that?
She's not good enough for you?
972
01:12:16,243 --> 01:12:18,177
Felicia's awesome,
973
01:12:18,245 --> 01:12:21,373
but the obvious statement to make here
is that you like her.
974
01:12:22,215 --> 01:12:26,709
- What? No, I...
- You're shocked. You can't believe it.
975
01:12:26,787 --> 01:12:31,190
- This bombshell. Come on.
- You know, she's not into me anyways.
976
01:12:31,258 --> 01:12:35,319
Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter.
I still... I could never do that to you.
977
01:12:36,697 --> 01:12:40,531
Okay, but you do know
that she's not into you, right?
978
01:12:40,601 --> 01:12:45,061
- Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know.
- No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you.
979
01:12:45,138 --> 01:12:49,598
There's no maybe. Okay?
And I'm saying this as your best friend,
980
01:12:49,676 --> 01:12:55,273
but never. Never fucking ever. You know?
981
01:12:55,349 --> 01:12:56,611
Because you guys are friends.
982
01:12:56,683 --> 01:13:00,414
You know what every girl
I've ever banged had in common?
983
01:13:01,555 --> 01:13:03,785
I wasn't friends with any of them.
984
01:13:03,857 --> 01:13:07,315
And usually they have awesome tits,
but not always.
985
01:13:08,161 --> 01:13:11,062
Sometimes you get that bronze medal,
you know?
986
01:13:11,131 --> 01:13:14,589
Real simple.
Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize.
987
01:13:14,668 --> 01:13:18,195
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no height requirement.
988
01:13:18,305 --> 01:13:22,036
Why don't you step up
and win your girlfriend a prize?
989
01:13:22,109 --> 01:13:24,373
We're not... She's not my girlfriend.
990
01:13:24,444 --> 01:13:27,538
- What about your other girlfriend there?
- Nice.
991
01:13:45,198 --> 01:13:46,995
All right, come on, Ian. You can do it.
992
01:13:47,067 --> 01:13:50,230
Come on, you're almost there!
You're almost there! Go, go, go!
993
01:13:50,437 --> 01:13:52,234
Winner! Winner! Winner!
994
01:13:53,607 --> 01:13:56,007
- That was awesome.
- How the hell did you do that?
995
01:13:56,076 --> 01:13:58,271
We had one of these at Cub Scout camp.
I kind of mastered it.
996
01:13:58,345 --> 01:14:00,370
Yeah, you think you're hot shit?
997
01:14:02,416 --> 01:14:05,351
- Lolly?
- Thank you.
998
01:14:09,089 --> 01:14:10,818
Hey, hey, hey, ass.
999
01:14:14,361 --> 01:14:16,352
Hey. What's your secret?
1000
01:14:16,430 --> 01:14:19,263
You just...
If you keep your shoulders down...
1001
01:14:19,332 --> 01:14:21,994
- No coaching.
- What?
1002
01:14:22,402 --> 01:14:24,768
No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.
1003
01:14:26,039 --> 01:14:27,438
No coaching.
1004
01:14:29,776 --> 01:14:31,403
Cheese and rice!
1005
01:14:31,945 --> 01:14:32,934
Oh!
1006
01:14:34,381 --> 01:14:37,748
- Thanks. I'm Sandy.
- I'm Ian.
1007
01:14:38,318 --> 01:14:39,580
- Hi.
- Hey.
1008
01:14:43,557 --> 01:14:47,755
- Consolation prize?
- Wow! Thank you so much.
1009
01:14:47,828 --> 01:14:50,524
You know, my dance team's performing
over at the tent in a couple of minutes.
1010
01:14:50,597 --> 01:14:51,962
You guys should come watch.
1011
01:14:52,032 --> 01:14:54,865
- Actually, we were just about to go.
- That sounds super fun. He'll be there.
1012
01:14:54,935 --> 01:14:56,596
Great. See you.
1013
01:14:57,838 --> 01:15:00,068
Dude, that girl reeks of sex.
1014
01:15:00,907 --> 01:15:02,397
- Really?
- Yeah.
1015
01:15:02,642 --> 01:15:05,805
Hey, Harry Potter,
take you and your girlfriends out of here.
1016
01:15:07,581 --> 01:15:11,312
What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres?
I will crush you.
1017
01:15:11,918 --> 01:15:14,512
That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady.
1018
01:15:16,389 --> 01:15:19,483
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
1019
01:15:20,026 --> 01:15:23,052
Why don't they just let me live?
1020
01:15:24,364 --> 01:15:25,797
I don't need permission
1021
01:15:25,866 --> 01:15:27,766
- Do we really have time for...
- Hey, hey.
1022
01:15:27,834 --> 01:15:29,495
You have to stop doing that to him.
1023
01:15:29,569 --> 01:15:31,503
- Doing what?
- Twat blocking.
1024
01:15:31,571 --> 01:15:34,734
I'm not twat... Doing that.
1025
01:15:43,617 --> 01:15:47,917
Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers!
1026
01:15:49,022 --> 01:15:52,355
Come on, girls,
let's help me get some fellas up in here.
1027
01:15:54,227 --> 01:15:55,489
- Ian.
- Oh, no. Please.
1028
01:15:55,562 --> 01:15:57,621
Get up there. Come on.
1029
01:15:57,697 --> 01:15:58,959
Come on!
1030
01:15:59,833 --> 01:16:01,562
In the back! In the back!
1031
01:16:01,868 --> 01:16:03,961
Yeah!
1032
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:09,231
Come on, two more, two more!
1033
01:16:11,344 --> 01:16:12,333
Yeah!
1034
01:16:15,348 --> 01:16:16,872
Dude, turn around.
1035
01:16:25,225 --> 01:16:30,629
Look at this fine crop
of handsome fellas I got here.
1036
01:16:32,332 --> 01:16:35,028
But before we get down to business,
1037
01:16:35,101 --> 01:16:36,625
there's a young woman here
1038
01:16:36,703 --> 01:16:39,695
who would like to share her story
with these young men.
1039
01:16:39,773 --> 01:16:43,766
- Kristy, you ready, baby?
- Okay.
1040
01:16:46,613 --> 01:16:50,879
So, last year I was at a dance
with my boyfriend.
1041
01:16:50,951 --> 01:16:53,044
He wanted to go to his car.
1042
01:16:53,720 --> 01:16:54,982
So I did.
1043
01:16:55,522 --> 01:17:01,017
So we were both naked in the back seat
and we started having oral...
1044
01:17:25,352 --> 01:17:26,944
Yeah!
1045
01:17:40,033 --> 01:17:41,967
Daddy likes that!
1046
01:17:44,404 --> 01:17:45,496
Excuse me!
1047
01:17:45,906 --> 01:17:51,276
Excuse me!
Is this tragic story turning you on?
1048
01:18:01,221 --> 01:18:06,488
This courageous young lady pours
her heart out and this is getting you hot?
1049
01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:09,526
It's time for you to pledge. Right now!
1050
01:18:10,030 --> 01:18:12,897
Boy, you need this more than anybody.
1051
01:18:14,267 --> 01:18:16,428
Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain.
1052
01:18:17,904 --> 01:18:22,364
I can't believe you took
a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on.
1053
01:18:22,542 --> 01:18:23,600
It's classic.
1054
01:18:23,677 --> 01:18:26,874
Look, I didn't even know what she was
talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?
1055
01:18:26,947 --> 01:18:28,812
- Ian! Hey!
- It gets better.
1056
01:18:28,882 --> 01:18:30,782
I am so proud of you!
1057
01:18:31,284 --> 01:18:32,876
Get away from me. Is that what you do?
1058
01:18:32,953 --> 01:18:36,286
You go out and you lure little dorks like me
into your little no-having-sex club?
1059
01:18:36,356 --> 01:18:38,347
Ian, it's not like that at all.
1060
01:18:38,425 --> 01:18:41,087
Just go away. Now.
1061
01:18:44,931 --> 01:18:47,866
- I would've eaten your asshole, you know.
- Really?
1062
01:18:47,934 --> 01:18:49,026
- Oh, man.
- Wow.
1063
01:18:49,102 --> 01:18:52,162
You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!
1064
01:18:54,908 --> 01:18:57,172
- You are dead, psycho-virgin!
- No, no!
1065
01:18:57,243 --> 01:18:59,177
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1066
01:19:02,248 --> 01:19:06,685
Hey, are you sure you want to get
dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?
1067
01:19:07,787 --> 01:19:10,153
Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like.
1068
01:19:10,223 --> 01:19:11,713
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
1069
01:19:24,671 --> 01:19:27,970
Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,
1070
01:19:28,041 --> 01:19:30,669
and I never should've tossed my shoes.
1071
01:19:30,977 --> 01:19:34,879
No, come on.
I love that your shoes are in that tree.
1072
01:19:37,584 --> 01:19:40,519
I do. That's premium Felicia.
1073
01:19:41,755 --> 01:19:43,245
Felicia Alpine.
1074
01:19:44,290 --> 01:19:45,279
Oh.
1075
01:19:46,126 --> 01:19:50,324
- So what'd you do to her?
- Hmm?
1076
01:19:50,397 --> 01:19:51,489
Smack her around a little bit?
1077
01:19:51,831 --> 01:19:53,731
She gets out of line, you pop her one?
1078
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:57,463
- No. No, sir, I...
- I got you. I'm just teasing you, man.
1079
01:19:57,537 --> 01:19:59,129
We have fun.
1080
01:20:00,106 --> 01:20:02,165
- He didn't, though, did he?
- Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
1081
01:20:02,242 --> 01:20:04,733
Blink twice if you feel you're in danger.
1082
01:20:06,079 --> 01:20:08,172
Be back in a couple minutes.
I'm gonna wait for that to numb up.
1083
01:20:08,248 --> 01:20:09,272
Mmm-hmm.
1084
01:20:09,349 --> 01:20:11,374
Hands to yourself, O.J.
1085
01:20:13,386 --> 01:20:17,447
Ian, you know the other night
at Lance's party?
1086
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:23,186
- Was I there?
- No, come on.
1087
01:20:24,764 --> 01:20:26,629
Here.
1088
01:20:30,203 --> 01:20:36,164
I mean, you know the only reason is
because I don't want to ruin our friendship.
1089
01:20:37,377 --> 01:20:41,609
Totally, I mean friendship is awesome.
Good call.
1090
01:20:42,816 --> 01:20:46,912
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.
1091
01:20:54,494 --> 01:20:59,090
- You won't.
- What are you thinking about?
1092
01:21:01,468 --> 01:21:04,528
- What are you thinking about?
- I asked you first.
1093
01:21:09,075 --> 01:21:10,269
You got a little loogie.
1094
01:21:13,346 --> 01:21:15,371
I'm gonna go see if Lance...
1095
01:21:15,448 --> 01:21:16,472
Mmm-hmm.
1096
01:21:16,549 --> 01:21:18,107
Go. Go.
1097
01:21:30,330 --> 01:21:33,857
Um, I'll take these as well.
1098
01:21:38,071 --> 01:21:42,633
They're not for me. They're not.
1099
01:21:51,317 --> 01:21:54,081
- Heads up.
- What's with you?
1100
01:21:55,955 --> 01:21:58,014
I'm thinking maybe we head back home.
1101
01:21:58,091 --> 01:21:59,854
What? Why?
1102
01:22:00,093 --> 01:22:03,688
Well, Felicia and I were talking in there,
1103
01:22:03,763 --> 01:22:07,494
- and we kind of had a moment.
- Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment?
1104
01:22:07,567 --> 01:22:09,159
- Yeah.
- You're a moron.
1105
01:22:09,802 --> 01:22:12,327
Fuck you. We've talked about this.
1106
01:22:12,639 --> 01:22:15,802
Look, we're almost there,
and I'm not letting her do this.
1107
01:22:15,909 --> 01:22:18,935
We're going to Knoxville,
and you're getting your nut.
1108
01:22:19,646 --> 01:22:21,739
No, I'm not. I'm not.
1109
01:22:21,814 --> 01:22:24,612
No, I'm gonna text Tasty,
and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming.
1110
01:22:24,684 --> 01:22:27,949
- Ian, get in this car.
- I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
1111
01:22:28,421 --> 01:22:32,949
Shit, where's my phone?
Hey, you got a new smile.
1112
01:22:33,026 --> 01:22:36,325
You have my phone. I didn't know...
This is for you.
1113
01:22:37,964 --> 01:22:39,261
Mmm! A message came in.
1114
01:22:39,465 --> 01:22:42,366
Your grandma says she's really excited
to see you.
1115
01:22:42,435 --> 01:22:44,767
And something about her hot,
shaved pussy.
1116
01:22:44,837 --> 01:22:46,168
Must be the cancer talking.
1117
01:22:47,340 --> 01:22:50,309
All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.
1118
01:22:54,147 --> 01:22:55,136
All I've got is frustration, frustration
1119
01:22:58,484 --> 01:23:01,681
I hate this vacation
1120
01:23:02,322 --> 01:23:04,790
So, give up, give up
Give up, give up
1121
01:23:05,992 --> 01:23:09,655
I've got to get away from here
It's killing me just thinking 'bout
1122
01:23:09,729 --> 01:23:14,666
Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...
1123
01:23:14,734 --> 01:23:17,202
Ian, you're going the wrong way.
1124
01:23:17,470 --> 01:23:19,438
- We're going home.
- What?
1125
01:23:20,006 --> 01:23:22,998
Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.
1126
01:23:23,076 --> 01:23:25,408
- Yeah, no shit.
- I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty.
1127
01:23:25,478 --> 01:23:26,843
This is going to be hilarious.
1128
01:23:26,913 --> 01:23:29,381
A hundred bucks says she has a wiener.
1129
01:23:29,449 --> 01:23:32,350
Look, I said we're going home.
I don't want to talk about it.
1130
01:23:32,418 --> 01:23:34,010
I knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.
1131
01:23:34,087 --> 01:23:37,488
Me? You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.
1132
01:23:37,557 --> 01:23:39,923
- No, we're not.
- Okay. You stole Rex's car.
1133
01:23:39,993 --> 01:23:41,688
You drove halfway across the country.
1134
01:23:41,761 --> 01:23:44,753
This must be what you want to do.
So do it, chicken shit!
1135
01:23:44,831 --> 01:23:47,231
- Fucking A, chicken shit.
- Fine! You know what?
1136
01:23:47,300 --> 01:23:50,292
I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch,
and I'll go pork somebody. Right now.
1137
01:23:50,370 --> 01:23:51,837
I'll be that guy. Is that what you want?
1138
01:23:51,904 --> 01:23:53,701
- Be that guy! That guy rules.
- Sounds awesome.
1139
01:23:53,773 --> 01:23:57,368
- That would make me so happy.
- All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it.
1140
01:23:57,543 --> 01:24:00,478
Watch out, Ian! Fuck!
- Watch it, Ian!
1141
01:24:02,682 --> 01:24:03,808
Whoo!
1142
01:24:04,984 --> 01:24:07,509
You like that?
- Did your fucking balls just drop?
1143
01:24:07,587 --> 01:24:09,077
Holy shit, Ian.
1144
01:24:10,023 --> 01:24:16,724
- Oh, man, it's this douche again.
- You want it? You got it.
1145
01:24:17,797 --> 01:24:19,765
- Hold on to your pantyhose.
- Okay, we gotta work on your banter,
1146
01:24:19,832 --> 01:24:22,062
but otherwise, this is awesome.
1147
01:24:25,004 --> 01:24:27,802
- You're losing him.
- No, I got him. I got him.
1148
01:24:30,209 --> 01:24:33,940
- Jesus, Ian! Not so close.
- God damn it!
1149
01:24:38,518 --> 01:24:40,486
No way, man! You're dead.
1150
01:24:42,488 --> 01:24:44,388
Sorry. He's all right.
1151
01:24:44,991 --> 01:24:47,585
This guy's fucking dangerous!
1152
01:24:53,132 --> 01:24:54,827
Where is he? Talk to me, dudes.
1153
01:24:54,934 --> 01:24:57,528
Right up our ass. He's in our ass.
1154
01:25:02,208 --> 01:25:05,405
He's tagging out.
- Ladies!
1155
01:25:05,478 --> 01:25:06,502
Ian, look out!
1156
01:25:12,752 --> 01:25:14,049
Oh! Oh!
1157
01:25:14,120 --> 01:25:15,280
God damn it.
1158
01:25:17,056 --> 01:25:20,787
What were you doing, man? Shit.
1159
01:25:22,328 --> 01:25:24,922
Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault.
He jumped right in front of you.
1160
01:25:24,997 --> 01:25:27,932
Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault.
1161
01:25:28,267 --> 01:25:29,734
Now, come on, man,
this possum's not gonna fuck you.
1162
01:25:29,802 --> 01:25:31,360
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.
1163
01:25:31,437 --> 01:25:35,806
He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna
leave him here by himself. Okay?
1164
01:25:37,076 --> 01:25:39,806
Okay. You're right.
1165
01:25:41,748 --> 01:25:45,047
We gotta help him.
We gotta call a vet or something.
1166
01:25:45,585 --> 01:25:50,648
Ian, look at him.
There's not a lot that we can do.
1167
01:25:52,358 --> 01:25:55,054
You may want to cover your eyes,
sweetheart, there could be some splatter.
1168
01:25:55,128 --> 01:25:58,291
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm gonna take him out of his misery.
1169
01:25:58,364 --> 01:26:01,891
They don't make little wheelchairs for him.
He's done, man.
1170
01:26:01,968 --> 01:26:05,734
Fuck you, Lance.
God, you don't even give a shit about him.
1171
01:26:07,006 --> 01:26:08,371
I'll do it.
1172
01:26:17,583 --> 01:26:18,914
I'm sorry.
1173
01:26:23,156 --> 01:26:24,953
All possums go to heaven.
1174
01:26:26,192 --> 01:26:31,994
Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still...
1175
01:26:33,132 --> 01:26:34,531
Shit.
1176
01:26:41,707 --> 01:26:43,641
Oh, no.
1177
01:26:44,377 --> 01:26:47,608
Ian, I'm so sorry, it's...
1178
01:26:47,680 --> 01:26:53,641
Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it!
I'm trying to do the right thing here.
1179
01:26:54,320 --> 01:26:59,019
- He's really hanging in there.
- God! Fuck!
1180
01:26:59,959 --> 01:27:03,918
You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby
has got to be about a year old now.
1181
01:27:03,996 --> 01:27:05,554
I can't believe she had a fucking baby.
1182
01:27:13,206 --> 01:27:15,231
How was I supposed to know
it was an endangered possum?
1183
01:27:15,308 --> 01:27:17,970
You know, the vet said there's actually
a good chance he might pull through.
1184
01:27:18,044 --> 01:27:20,535
You better hope so, mister. Get in.
1185
01:27:22,648 --> 01:27:24,138
Lock up cell B.
1186
01:27:30,056 --> 01:27:31,580
We are in jail.
1187
01:27:40,900 --> 01:27:43,835
Okay, listen, you have got to be cool,
'cause if they see you shitting yourself
1188
01:27:43,903 --> 01:27:44,961
they're gonna fuck with us.
1189
01:27:45,037 --> 01:27:47,028
Hey! Hey, ladies.
1190
01:27:47,273 --> 01:27:50,834
Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down
before me and you have a problem?
1191
01:27:50,910 --> 01:27:54,641
How about you just chill out, man?
Be cool.
1192
01:27:54,714 --> 01:27:57,239
- All right. We good?
- Yeah, we're good.
1193
01:28:08,861 --> 01:28:13,730
- Excuse me.
- Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you...
1194
01:28:15,535 --> 01:28:17,901
You should've seen the look in his eyes.
1195
01:28:18,471 --> 01:28:21,304
His heart was breaking
for this poor little thing.
1196
01:28:21,541 --> 01:28:26,240
Shit, that boy Ian don't seem
like he got no balls at all.
1197
01:28:26,312 --> 01:28:30,112
Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some
over a suffering critter?
1198
01:28:30,583 --> 01:28:32,608
I think that's real sweet.
1199
01:28:32,685 --> 01:28:35,950
Well, I say this Lance,
he sounds like a real hunk of man.
1200
01:28:36,455 --> 01:28:40,050
The only way you can keep his kind around
is to get his babies up in you pronto.
1201
01:28:40,126 --> 01:28:42,560
But he got no respect for bitches.
1202
01:28:43,396 --> 01:28:48,095
Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches.
None whatsoever.
1203
01:28:49,335 --> 01:28:51,769
You love Ian, don't you, baby?
1204
01:28:54,840 --> 01:28:59,402
Well, it's just we've been best friends
since we were really little,
1205
01:28:59,879 --> 01:29:03,371
and I don't know, he's the only person
I can really talk to, you know?
1206
01:29:03,683 --> 01:29:06,243
You give your heart to that boy,
1207
01:29:06,319 --> 01:29:11,689
and you can toss that "friendship" right out
the motherfucking window.
1208
01:29:11,757 --> 01:29:17,354
When I was a girl, my best friend was
a fella named Creighton McDaniel.
1209
01:29:18,331 --> 01:29:23,894
We used to stay up all night just talking
and laughing and carrying on.
1210
01:29:25,104 --> 01:29:29,803
Then one day I got it into my head
that we ought to be more than friends.
1211
01:29:29,875 --> 01:29:32,207
So I tell him I love him.
1212
01:29:32,745 --> 01:29:34,235
What happened?
1213
01:29:37,383 --> 01:29:39,078
We dated for a few weeks.
1214
01:29:40,252 --> 01:29:42,652
Then he met a gal over in Wofford.
1215
01:29:44,023 --> 01:29:46,355
We still talk from time to time.
1216
01:29:47,526 --> 01:29:50,051
But it was never the same between us.
1217
01:29:57,370 --> 01:30:03,673
Baby. Come here.
Come on, now. Come on, now.
1218
01:30:05,611 --> 01:30:08,978
You know you need a hug.
Come on, honey.
1219
01:30:10,416 --> 01:30:11,940
Cuddle up.
1220
01:30:16,022 --> 01:30:17,011
Dude.
1221
01:30:18,391 --> 01:30:22,020
- What?
- Look, you're pissing in front of everybody.
1222
01:30:24,797 --> 01:30:26,389
Yeah, I am.
1223
01:30:26,465 --> 01:30:29,764
- And that guy's looking right at your dick.
- Atta-boy.
1224
01:30:32,038 --> 01:30:35,599
- Look at you. You're a new man.
- No, I'm not.
1225
01:30:35,808 --> 01:30:40,472
Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly,
1226
01:30:40,546 --> 01:30:43,572
you got arrested, you got in a prison fight.
1227
01:30:44,350 --> 01:30:46,250
See Duane, he was there.
1228
01:30:46,318 --> 01:30:48,946
And I mean, you really beat
an endangered species to death today.
1229
01:30:49,021 --> 01:30:50,682
That's got to count for something.
1230
01:30:50,756 --> 01:30:54,988
And now you're in here in jail pissing
like a big dog in front of all the perverts.
1231
01:30:55,061 --> 01:30:56,688
I mean, there's only one thing left.
1232
01:30:56,762 --> 01:31:00,027
Yeah, well, that's out.
I was supposed to meet her two hours ago.
1233
01:31:01,267 --> 01:31:03,132
Dude, when we get out of here,
just tell her you got pinched.
1234
01:31:03,202 --> 01:31:06,501
She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it totally is.
1235
01:31:07,506 --> 01:31:10,532
Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted.
1236
01:31:10,743 --> 01:31:11,767
Really?
1237
01:31:11,944 --> 01:31:15,971
- Time to go.
- Shit!
1238
01:31:16,048 --> 01:31:18,482
- What?
- Rex.
1239
01:31:18,784 --> 01:31:19,773
Oh.
1240
01:31:21,921 --> 01:31:24,048
All right, this is it for us, Duane,
1241
01:31:24,123 --> 01:31:25,954
but, you know, back to what we were
talking about earlier,
1242
01:31:26,025 --> 01:31:28,118
I don't give a shit what Denise says,
1243
01:31:28,194 --> 01:31:30,788
I think there's still room for somebody
to write the great American novel.
1244
01:31:30,863 --> 01:31:33,889
So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy.
1245
01:31:42,241 --> 01:31:43,333
Hey.
1246
01:31:45,111 --> 01:31:46,601
Mary!
1247
01:31:51,450 --> 01:31:53,384
Wait. Wait. How did you find me?
1248
01:31:53,452 --> 01:31:56,478
Well, I called your cell phone,
and then someone answered here.
1249
01:31:56,555 --> 01:32:01,925
- That's awesome. Okay.
- Are you okay? Why are you in jail?
1250
01:32:04,296 --> 01:32:05,285
I mean, there's a number of charges,
1251
01:32:05,364 --> 01:32:07,559
but the most prominent ones
were animal cruelty
1252
01:32:07,633 --> 01:32:09,692
and the assaulting the officer.
1253
01:32:09,769 --> 01:32:12,329
But it's not nearly as bad
as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise.
1254
01:32:12,404 --> 01:32:15,464
- Okay.
- Okay. Wait right here. Okay.
1255
01:32:17,309 --> 01:32:18,799
- Teddy.
- Lance, my man.
1256
01:32:18,878 --> 01:32:21,142
- You guys got my stuff?
- It's gonna be a few minutes.
1257
01:32:21,213 --> 01:32:22,271
All right.
1258
01:32:22,348 --> 01:32:24,145
- Your daughter still selling those cookies?
- Yes.
1259
01:32:24,216 --> 01:32:26,844
You find me that wallet, I'll buy one.
1260
01:32:26,919 --> 01:32:28,944
- That'd be nice of you.
- How is she now?
1261
01:32:29,021 --> 01:32:33,048
I'm just fucking with you.
I don't need one more charge brought.
1262
01:32:59,752 --> 01:33:03,017
You can't know, oh, no
You can't know
1263
01:33:03,088 --> 01:33:08,720
How much I think about you, no
1264
01:33:09,829 --> 01:33:12,889
It's making my head spin
1265
01:33:16,068 --> 01:33:19,526
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
1266
01:33:19,605 --> 01:33:23,166
And we both know what we want
1267
01:33:26,178 --> 01:33:28,146
So close to giving in
1268
01:33:29,949 --> 01:33:36,855
Ian, don't do this. No,
don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy.
1269
01:33:37,523 --> 01:33:39,787
Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin.
1270
01:33:39,859 --> 01:33:44,660
So what if you're a virgin?
God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not...
1271
01:33:44,730 --> 01:33:49,895
No, Felicia, it's not about the sex.
It's not. I'm weird.
1272
01:33:49,969 --> 01:33:53,666
I'm the only virgin I know.
I need to get this done
1273
01:33:54,373 --> 01:33:57,274
so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.
1274
01:33:57,676 --> 01:34:00,543
Look, I know you don't approve,
but I'm sorry, I just...
1275
01:34:00,613 --> 01:34:02,205
I'm not going home a virgin.
1276
01:34:02,281 --> 01:34:04,146
Then, sport, fuck me.
1277
01:34:06,552 --> 01:34:07,712
What?
1278
01:34:09,555 --> 01:34:12,217
Sport, fuck me and not some stranger.
1279
01:34:13,392 --> 01:34:16,850
We're friends so you know
you're not gonna get some, like,
1280
01:34:16,929 --> 01:34:21,195
crabs or genital warts
or some pussing thing that's coming...
1281
01:34:21,267 --> 01:34:23,792
Wow, Leesh. That's hot!
1282
01:34:26,171 --> 01:34:27,729
You know what?
1283
01:34:28,741 --> 01:34:32,837
I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever
than lose it on pity-sex.
1284
01:34:33,479 --> 01:34:36,414
- I'm not talking about pity-sex.
- Then what are you talking about?
1285
01:34:36,482 --> 01:34:39,610
I don't know. Sex.
1286
01:34:40,319 --> 01:34:46,315
It doesn't have to mean anything.
It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.
1287
01:34:46,725 --> 01:34:47,749
Ah!
1288
01:34:47,826 --> 01:34:50,556
Leesh, you know what?
Fuck the friendship!
1289
01:34:51,397 --> 01:34:53,160
I'm sorry, I just can't do it.
1290
01:34:53,232 --> 01:34:57,362
I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore. I can't...
1291
01:34:57,736 --> 01:35:00,136
I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up
in the middle of the night,
1292
01:35:00,205 --> 01:35:04,574
and you're gonna cry to because
Derrick Dicottes found some other girl.
1293
01:35:05,778 --> 01:35:09,805
And maybe I'm just being selfish here,
but it is not enough.
1294
01:35:09,882 --> 01:35:13,283
Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door,
and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex
1295
01:35:13,352 --> 01:35:18,449
with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully
female person that I met on the Internet.
1296
01:35:20,526 --> 01:35:23,256
Unless you've got something better
to say to me.
1297
01:35:40,579 --> 01:35:42,444
That's what I thought.
1298
01:36:11,543 --> 01:36:13,033
Cyclops.
1299
01:36:16,448 --> 01:36:20,282
- How'd you find me?
- You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick?
1300
01:36:25,691 --> 01:36:26,783
Come here.
1301
01:36:26,892 --> 01:36:29,725
Burn that mother down, y'all
1302
01:36:29,962 --> 01:36:31,361
Burn, baby, burn
1303
01:36:31,597 --> 01:36:33,428
Disco inferno
1304
01:36:33,532 --> 01:36:35,022
Burn, baby, burn
1305
01:36:35,100 --> 01:36:36,124
Burn that mother down
1306
01:36:36,201 --> 01:36:39,034
Come on, Rex, wait. The girl...
The one I told you about from the Internet.
1307
01:36:39,104 --> 01:36:42,505
She's right across the street, Rex.
She wants to do it with me and everything.
1308
01:36:42,574 --> 01:36:44,303
Like I give a shit!
1309
01:36:57,156 --> 01:36:59,056
Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.
1310
01:36:59,124 --> 01:37:00,785
Okay. Okay, fine.
1311
01:37:01,060 --> 01:37:03,051
Now!
1312
01:37:03,128 --> 01:37:05,028
It probably wouldn't have changed
1313
01:37:05,097 --> 01:37:08,555
all these feelings
that I've been having lately anyway.
1314
01:37:10,169 --> 01:37:12,660
What are you talking about?
1315
01:37:12,738 --> 01:37:16,606
I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings,
1316
01:37:18,210 --> 01:37:23,204
curiosity about men.
1317
01:37:25,717 --> 01:37:27,344
Oh, shit, Ian!
1318
01:37:28,720 --> 01:37:33,748
I think you might be right.
I think I might be getting gay.
1319
01:37:33,959 --> 01:37:38,453
God damn it. Fuck!
1320
01:37:39,765 --> 01:37:43,064
But I just haven't had
any luck with girls, Rex.
1321
01:37:43,135 --> 01:37:47,094
No way! No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.
1322
01:37:53,812 --> 01:37:57,009
All right, you take the car,
1323
01:37:57,916 --> 01:38:00,714
and you go bang the female woman
like the good Lord intended.
1324
01:38:00,786 --> 01:38:02,276
You've got one hour!
1325
01:38:03,188 --> 01:38:05,088
- Ian.
- Yeah?
1326
01:38:07,426 --> 01:38:09,291
Fill up the tank, would you, buddy?
1327
01:38:09,361 --> 01:38:11,921
- Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks.
- Right.
1328
01:38:33,986 --> 01:38:38,252
Hey, man. You looking for somebody?
1329
01:38:42,194 --> 01:38:43,456
Ms. Tasty.
1330
01:38:44,763 --> 01:38:45,957
Ian?
1331
01:38:52,337 --> 01:38:55,568
Oh, my gosh! Hey.
1332
01:38:55,641 --> 01:38:57,973
I was sure you were standing me up.
1333
01:38:59,411 --> 01:39:04,007
- But here you are. Look at you.
- See you.
1334
01:39:04,082 --> 01:39:07,108
You look a little different than your picture.
1335
01:39:07,186 --> 01:39:10,781
Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight
'cause I had the runs... The flu.
1336
01:39:12,424 --> 01:39:16,952
Well, you're mighty cute,
and your car is really pretty.
1337
01:39:17,829 --> 01:39:19,694
Why don't you take me for a ride?
1338
01:39:25,470 --> 01:39:29,236
So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name?
1339
01:39:30,642 --> 01:39:36,774
- How about I tell you after?
- Yeah, sure.
1340
01:39:38,784 --> 01:39:40,411
Works for me.
1341
01:39:47,659 --> 01:39:54,462
... below the ocean
Where I wanna be
1342
01:39:55,133 --> 01:39:57,158
She may be
1343
01:39:57,236 --> 01:40:00,603
Way down below the ocean...
1344
01:40:00,672 --> 01:40:03,835
- No, Mary, wait.
- What?
1345
01:40:03,909 --> 01:40:07,310
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. I mean...
1346
01:40:07,879 --> 01:40:12,009
Nothing, I just... I really like you,
1347
01:40:14,720 --> 01:40:19,123
and I don't want to ruin this. You know?
1348
01:40:19,992 --> 01:40:24,986
But, hey, maybe you could come
to Chicago and we could hang out
1349
01:40:25,063 --> 01:40:26,894
- and take it a little...
- No.
1350
01:40:26,999 --> 01:40:30,833
Lance, it doesn't work like that.
1351
01:40:34,273 --> 01:40:37,709
And, I mean, if I don't go back,
I'm gonna be shunned.
1352
01:40:39,177 --> 01:40:41,475
I could never see my family again.
1353
01:40:43,048 --> 01:40:47,451
- This Amish thing is a real motherfucker.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
1354
01:40:56,528 --> 01:40:58,257
- Ian.
- Yeah.
1355
01:40:58,330 --> 01:41:00,560
I think we should take our clothes off.
1356
01:41:02,434 --> 01:41:04,231
Wow. Really? Right here?
1357
01:41:04,303 --> 01:41:05,292
Mmm-hmm.
1358
01:41:05,737 --> 01:41:08,900
No one's around for miles. Come on.
1359
01:41:09,808 --> 01:41:10,934
Okay.
1360
01:41:19,351 --> 01:41:22,787
- What do you think?
- Thank you.
1361
01:41:24,489 --> 01:41:29,950
That is one of the better sets
that I've seen today.
1362
01:41:30,395 --> 01:41:32,590
I appreciate your honesty.
1363
01:41:33,598 --> 01:41:34,826
They're nice.
1364
01:41:35,567 --> 01:41:37,194
Really?
1365
01:41:37,269 --> 01:41:39,863
You're fit.
1366
01:41:39,938 --> 01:41:43,897
- You're so sweet.
- Yeah.
1367
01:41:45,744 --> 01:41:49,236
I think we should
take your clothes off now.
1368
01:41:49,314 --> 01:41:52,545
Yeah, maybe we should.
1369
01:41:52,617 --> 01:41:57,680
- I don't play football!
- Okay.
1370
01:41:57,756 --> 01:42:00,020
I... I really don't.
I mean, I don't really even watch football.
1371
01:42:00,092 --> 01:42:02,219
I mean, I got all that stuff
from Friday Night Lights,
1372
01:42:02,294 --> 01:42:05,263
which is a show. It's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.
1373
01:42:05,330 --> 01:42:07,321
- I don't know if you saw it, but...
- Ian.
1374
01:42:07,399 --> 01:42:13,463
What? You think everything in my profile's
the God's honest truth? No.
1375
01:42:13,538 --> 01:42:16,439
Now, come on, take your clothes off.
1376
01:42:18,844 --> 01:42:23,474
Look, there's this girl...
1377
01:42:24,549 --> 01:42:28,781
Ian, this can be our little secret.
No one has to know.
1378
01:42:30,322 --> 01:42:31,812
Now come here.
1379
01:42:45,270 --> 01:42:50,298
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you.
1380
01:42:50,375 --> 01:42:55,074
I'm kissing you,
and I'm thinking about somebody else.
1381
01:42:55,981 --> 01:42:59,883
No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say.
I mean, she's not even...
1382
01:43:01,720 --> 01:43:05,781
Oh, no, no, no.
Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.
1383
01:43:05,857 --> 01:43:09,623
It's not a reflection of...
You're so pretty, like...
1384
01:43:10,328 --> 01:43:12,023
You're laughing.
1385
01:43:12,097 --> 01:43:15,066
Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole!
1386
01:43:16,168 --> 01:43:19,569
Look, I'm sorry, okay.
I don't mean to lead you on here,
1387
01:43:19,638 --> 01:43:24,098
and I'll give you a ride home,
but I don't think that... What the fuck?
1388
01:43:24,176 --> 01:43:26,610
What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh?
1389
01:43:26,978 --> 01:43:28,377
What're you, a Gap model?
1390
01:43:31,016 --> 01:43:34,110
- Do you have any jacks?
- Yup.
1391
01:43:35,520 --> 01:43:39,047
- I win.
- Again.
1392
01:43:39,124 --> 01:43:40,352
Yup.
1393
01:43:44,729 --> 01:43:47,254
- All right, just take your shirt off.
- Okay, good.
1394
01:43:50,335 --> 01:43:54,601
You were right, Ian. '69 Judge.
You were worth the wait.
1395
01:43:57,509 --> 01:44:02,572
- Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car!
- And good luck with the lady friend.
1396
01:44:05,217 --> 01:44:06,514
Fuckface!
1397
01:44:09,855 --> 01:44:13,291
Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1398
01:44:13,391 --> 01:44:16,986
Oh, Bobby,
you were so awesome back there.
1399
01:44:17,062 --> 01:44:18,825
- Love you so much.
- Cool.
1400
01:44:20,098 --> 01:44:24,558
Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you
always have to flash them the twins?
1401
01:44:24,636 --> 01:44:26,797
You know, I mean, I do got a gun.
1402
01:44:26,872 --> 01:44:31,832
- Oh, baby, you know they're only for you.
- Okay, cool.
1403
01:44:31,910 --> 01:44:34,936
Now, listen. I got another car coming
any minute now, okay?
1404
01:44:35,013 --> 01:44:36,708
- Got it.
- So take me back to the Big Boy
1405
01:44:36,781 --> 01:44:39,181
- and get this goat over to Luis.
- Right.
1406
01:44:40,552 --> 01:44:46,752
And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent!
1407
01:44:47,325 --> 01:44:49,555
- I fucking told you.
- I know where it is.
1408
01:44:54,199 --> 01:44:59,432
And if you do good,
momma's gonna take real good care of you.
1409
01:44:59,804 --> 01:45:01,032
Really?
1410
01:45:03,441 --> 01:45:06,103
You mean the thing I like well?
1411
01:45:11,316 --> 01:45:15,184
Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking
about the same thing here.
1412
01:45:15,253 --> 01:45:17,221
The pepper grinder.
1413
01:45:21,259 --> 01:45:23,352
Pepper grinder!
1414
01:45:24,362 --> 01:45:27,160
Pepper grinder! Yeah.
1415
01:45:35,440 --> 01:45:36,498
Hi.
1416
01:45:42,480 --> 01:45:46,041
- Hey, boys. You finally made it.
- What's up, Ms. Tasty?
1417
01:45:46,117 --> 01:45:48,642
What's up? What's up?
1418
01:45:48,720 --> 01:45:51,348
- Damn, you're hot as fuck.
- Yeah.
1419
01:45:51,423 --> 01:45:54,722
- We brought beers and rubbers.
- And some lotion for your tits.
1420
01:45:55,994 --> 01:45:57,655
- It's not a marathon.
- It's a sprint.
1421
01:45:57,729 --> 01:46:00,163
- Bang. Yeah.
- In chicks.
1422
01:46:14,212 --> 01:46:15,770
You Felicia?
1423
01:46:18,550 --> 01:46:19,949
I'm Bobby Jo.
1424
01:46:21,453 --> 01:46:22,477
Hi.
1425
01:46:32,664 --> 01:46:37,294
I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick.
I mean, seriously, what are the odds?
1426
01:46:38,403 --> 01:46:40,667
Oh, yeah! More of that.
1427
01:46:42,707 --> 01:46:47,804
So, wait, you do want to party?
1428
01:46:48,513 --> 01:46:49,639
With us?
1429
01:46:49,714 --> 01:46:52,945
Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party.
1430
01:47:05,430 --> 01:47:08,422
Fuck! I can't fucking believe this.
1431
01:47:12,871 --> 01:47:15,704
Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker!
1432
01:47:17,542 --> 01:47:22,206
- Who the fuck are you?
- Holy fucking fuck-balls!
1433
01:47:22,447 --> 01:47:26,611
Okay, my bad.
1434
01:47:26,685 --> 01:47:28,380
Now, I thought you were someone else,
all right?
1435
01:47:28,453 --> 01:47:33,823
You done fouled up my ride,
so I'm gonna have to take yours.
1436
01:47:34,693 --> 01:47:35,682
Fuck that shit.
1437
01:47:36,861 --> 01:47:38,954
Here you go. Pulls to the left.
1438
01:47:40,732 --> 01:47:42,723
What the fuck, dumb-ass?
1439
01:47:46,671 --> 01:47:49,105
Oh, shit!
1440
01:47:49,874 --> 01:47:56,143
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
1441
01:47:56,214 --> 01:47:57,909
Hey, highlights, back it up.
1442
01:47:59,350 --> 01:48:01,215
Bite my dick, asshole!
1443
01:48:06,091 --> 01:48:08,924
Ow! What the fuck you do that for?
1444
01:48:10,061 --> 01:48:14,259
- Lance? What the fuck is going on?
- That's the son of a bitch I was looking for!
1445
01:48:14,332 --> 01:48:17,392
Hey, guy. How'd you...
1446
01:48:17,469 --> 01:48:20,870
- Found your computer maps, douche-bag!
- Okay.
1447
01:48:20,939 --> 01:48:22,099
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1448
01:48:22,173 --> 01:48:25,040
Boat show,
you and your boyfriend bring it in here.
1449
01:48:25,110 --> 01:48:26,372
I don't need no trouble right now.
1450
01:48:26,444 --> 01:48:28,309
Let's go. Bring it in.
1451
01:48:29,748 --> 01:48:33,445
- Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that?
- Who?
1452
01:48:33,518 --> 01:48:36,783
- That!
- That's Felicia.
1453
01:48:36,855 --> 01:48:39,085
She was hiding in the back seat,
no biggie.
1454
01:48:39,157 --> 01:48:41,648
Fuck! She heard everything then.
1455
01:48:41,726 --> 01:48:44,354
- Hello!
- Damn, you're right.
1456
01:48:46,831 --> 01:48:48,355
Come on, darling.
1457
01:48:48,433 --> 01:48:50,731
- Shut up!
- Now, take it easy on the hair.
1458
01:48:50,802 --> 01:48:53,532
- Get down!
- Hey, hey, come on.
1459
01:48:53,605 --> 01:48:56,472
- All right, all right.
- Take your hands off her!
1460
01:49:08,186 --> 01:49:11,178
Stop shooting our car.
- Inconsiderate.
1461
01:49:16,694 --> 01:49:18,685
Please! No!
1462
01:49:24,502 --> 01:49:27,562
- All right. Get back, man.
- Ian?
1463
01:49:27,639 --> 01:49:30,335
Everybody just be cool.
1464
01:49:30,408 --> 01:49:32,968
- Felicia, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
1465
01:49:33,044 --> 01:49:36,104
Ian, give me the goddamn gun
before you shoot your dick off.
1466
01:49:36,181 --> 01:49:37,375
- Rex, I got this.
- Ian!
1467
01:49:37,448 --> 01:49:41,179
God damn it, Rex, I got this!
Do not fuck with me! Not now!
1468
01:49:42,086 --> 01:49:45,214
Ease it back, man.
That donut ain't fucking around.
1469
01:49:46,958 --> 01:49:48,687
Hands where I can see them.
1470
01:49:50,028 --> 01:49:54,158
- Ian, dude, you're working the mouth.
- I don't give a shit!
1471
01:49:54,232 --> 01:49:58,362
Okay. All right, sorry.
You're doing so good. Proud of you.
1472
01:49:58,436 --> 01:50:00,028
I mean that. I don't say it enough.
1473
01:50:00,104 --> 01:50:03,198
- Tasty and you...
- Bobby Jo.
1474
01:50:04,375 --> 01:50:08,038
Ian... Over there. Slowly.
1475
01:50:08,780 --> 01:50:12,978
All right, you, corn-fed, you can
punch my friend Lance, but just once.
1476
01:50:13,084 --> 01:50:16,281
- Dude! What the fuck?
- You nailed his girlfriend.
1477
01:50:16,354 --> 01:50:19,482
- Not exactly. I mean, it was...
- And he came all this way.
1478
01:50:19,557 --> 01:50:23,084
All right. All right, fair enough.
Just not in the nuts.
1479
01:50:26,698 --> 01:50:31,931
- Oh, shit!
- Okay. Okay, all right.
1480
01:50:33,605 --> 01:50:38,406
What a punch.
I think my kids are gonna be retarded.
1481
01:50:38,476 --> 01:50:40,444
You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude.
1482
01:50:40,511 --> 01:50:45,881
- Yeah, you got a little...
- Thanks. My ears are ringing.
1483
01:50:46,484 --> 01:50:48,349
Stop it! I'm warning you!
1484
01:50:48,419 --> 01:50:51,013
Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one.
1485
01:50:53,591 --> 01:50:54,683
Whoa!
1486
01:50:56,628 --> 01:50:59,756
- Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude.
- I'll shoot you in the leg.
1487
01:50:59,831 --> 01:51:01,423
Suck his cock, Ian.
1488
01:51:01,499 --> 01:51:04,297
- You serious?
- Do I look serious?
1489
01:51:06,337 --> 01:51:08,305
I don't think you got the plums, boy.
1490
01:51:11,876 --> 01:51:13,605
God!
1491
01:51:18,149 --> 01:51:19,309
Oh, fuck.
1492
01:51:20,151 --> 01:51:22,619
Okay. Okay.
1493
01:51:24,355 --> 01:51:27,222
Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.
1494
01:51:28,426 --> 01:51:31,725
- Give me the gun!
- Jesus, man, what do I got to do?
1495
01:51:34,832 --> 01:51:37,733
Don't move, asshole,
or you're a fucking stain.
1496
01:51:37,802 --> 01:51:38,928
Okay.
1497
01:51:40,204 --> 01:51:42,195
Holy shit, Ian. Right on!
1498
01:51:43,641 --> 01:51:45,905
Where do you think you're going, cunt?
1499
01:51:45,977 --> 01:51:47,376
Cat fight!
1500
01:51:50,081 --> 01:51:53,346
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
1501
01:51:53,418 --> 01:51:54,976
Damn you, whore!
1502
01:51:55,053 --> 01:51:56,782
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
1503
01:51:56,854 --> 01:51:58,481
Fuck you!
1504
01:52:00,658 --> 01:52:04,719
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
1505
01:52:05,096 --> 01:52:08,588
Come crashing through your door
1506
01:52:09,500 --> 01:52:14,301
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
1507
01:52:15,373 --> 01:52:17,466
Drop the weapon, donut man!
1508
01:52:18,910 --> 01:52:21,242
Okay, put your hands on your head!
1509
01:52:21,312 --> 01:52:24,873
- Both hands, asshole!
- I can't move the other arm.
1510
01:52:24,949 --> 01:52:28,646
- Who said that? Who said that?
- I can't move the other arm.
1511
01:52:31,055 --> 01:52:35,048
Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir.
1512
01:52:38,396 --> 01:52:42,196
The big Mexican won't go down!
Take the shot!
1513
01:52:42,967 --> 01:52:44,628
- Holy shit.
- Jesus!
1514
01:52:44,702 --> 01:52:47,535
Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay?
1515
01:52:47,638 --> 01:52:51,734
He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief.
1516
01:52:52,477 --> 01:52:56,038
Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt.
1517
01:53:04,122 --> 01:53:05,612
Anything else?
1518
01:53:07,558 --> 01:53:10,493
Oh, yeah,
apparently there's a guy named Luis,
1519
01:53:10,561 --> 01:53:14,327
and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!
1520
01:53:14,399 --> 01:53:16,890
- Thanks.
- We were just banging that chick in our car.
1521
01:53:16,968 --> 01:53:20,096
- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Yeah, super hard.
1522
01:53:20,171 --> 01:53:26,201
The boy did have some plums.
He had some plums.
1523
01:53:26,277 --> 01:53:29,440
Hey, this is Rick.
He's played arena football.
1524
01:53:29,514 --> 01:53:31,846
- Hi. I'm Mary.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
1525
01:53:31,916 --> 01:53:33,577
That's a weird little dude you got there.
1526
01:53:33,651 --> 01:53:36,552
Are you guys hungry?
Is this place open 24 hours?
1527
01:53:39,290 --> 01:53:41,850
Thank you for coming for me.
1528
01:53:42,960 --> 01:53:45,952
What were you doing in the back seat?
1529
01:53:46,030 --> 01:53:49,227
Nothing. I was...
1530
01:53:49,300 --> 01:53:53,259
- You were stalking me.
- No, I wasn't. I...
1531
01:53:55,106 --> 01:53:58,542
Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little.
1532
01:54:00,044 --> 01:54:03,571
I just... I knew you were gonna do
something you were gonna regret, and I...
1533
01:54:03,648 --> 01:54:07,812
Felicia. Why can't you just say it?
1534
01:54:12,857 --> 01:54:16,953
- Why can't you?
- Well, I asked you first.
1535
01:54:24,769 --> 01:54:26,464
Fine. I'll say it.
1536
01:54:33,111 --> 01:54:36,740
- You love me.
- Fine.
1537
01:54:38,883 --> 01:54:40,748
You love me, too, then.
1538
01:54:46,023 --> 01:54:51,359
Life is beautiful
1539
01:54:54,398 --> 01:54:58,095
But it's complicated
1540
01:54:58,169 --> 01:54:59,534
Thank God.
1541
01:55:00,271 --> 01:55:03,206
We barely make it
1542
01:55:16,721 --> 01:55:18,780
You fucking heifer.
1543
01:55:32,436 --> 01:55:33,994
- You fixed it!
- Yeah.
1544
01:55:34,071 --> 01:55:35,698
Don't lean on it.
1545
01:55:38,142 --> 01:55:40,440
I guess you get to live.
1546
01:55:40,511 --> 01:55:43,537
You guys are amazing.
- Thanks.
1547
01:55:43,614 --> 01:55:45,138
Let's talk seriously for a second.
1548
01:55:45,216 --> 01:55:50,916
I figure with the parts and labor,
you know, out the door... 4,200.
1549
01:55:52,924 --> 01:55:53,948
Oh. Um...
1550
01:55:54,025 --> 01:55:57,688
- It's just a round number.
- Yeah. No, I didn't really...
1551
01:56:01,899 --> 01:56:03,196
I don't know what to...
1552
01:56:03,267 --> 01:56:06,293
I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man.
1553
01:56:06,370 --> 01:56:10,500
- Wait, I mean, you're serious?
- Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries.
1554
01:56:10,575 --> 01:56:11,906
- You sure?
- Yeah, of course.
1555
01:56:11,976 --> 01:56:12,965
- Thank you, man.
- It's what I live for,
1556
01:56:13,044 --> 01:56:14,944
fixing other people's shit for free.
1557
01:56:18,649 --> 01:56:19,741
Yeah.
1558
01:56:25,423 --> 01:56:27,755
- Hey.
- Straight home, pussy!
1559
01:56:27,825 --> 01:56:32,091
- Dude, we got to go.
- Fucking piece of shit!
1560
01:56:32,196 --> 01:56:35,859
You go on ahead.
I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish.
1561
01:56:35,933 --> 01:56:37,798
Dude, what are you talking about?
1562
01:56:37,902 --> 01:56:41,429
I don't know, a little hard work,
fresh air, missionary position.
1563
01:56:42,273 --> 01:56:44,002
It's a man's life.
1564
01:56:44,075 --> 01:56:45,770
- Sounds pretty good, you know.
- Yeah, it sounds...
1565
01:56:45,843 --> 01:56:48,471
Come on, Lance. Get serious.
1566
01:56:52,917 --> 01:56:54,316
Come here.
1567
01:56:55,286 --> 01:56:58,153
I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.
I'm proud of you, you know.
1568
01:56:58,222 --> 01:57:01,316
You held out for a good one,
the one you wanted.
1569
01:57:02,159 --> 01:57:04,684
And you fucking made it happen.
1570
01:57:05,796 --> 01:57:10,597
But, please, I'm begging you,
go take that girl to visit Grandma.
1571
01:57:10,668 --> 01:57:12,932
- All right.
- And when you do, don't...
1572
01:57:13,004 --> 01:57:16,201
- Lance, I got it.
- Yeah?
1573
01:57:17,742 --> 01:57:18,834
Yeah.
1574
01:57:20,845 --> 01:57:23,405
Okay. I think you might.
1575
01:57:23,481 --> 01:57:25,244
- See you.
- Bye.
1576
01:57:31,622 --> 01:57:35,149
Well, no, no, me, I never worry
1577
01:57:35,860 --> 01:57:38,727
Because, me, I never try
1578
01:57:38,996 --> 01:57:45,595
And I never care to hold onto
what I just couldn't kiss goodbye
1579
01:58:04,055 --> 01:58:07,923
- Are you sure you're ready?
- Yeah.
1580
01:58:10,061 --> 01:58:12,791
All right, well, come on, take them off.
1581
01:58:25,176 --> 01:58:26,575
Let's do it.
1582
01:58:32,817 --> 01:58:34,409
Yeah!
1583
01:58:34,485 --> 01:58:36,077
Oh, shit!
1584
01:58:37,121 --> 01:58:38,986
What the fuck!
1585
01:58:39,056 --> 01:58:41,320
Give me that fucking shoe...
1586
01:58:41,392 --> 01:58:44,520
You know what? Fuck you!
I want a divorce.
1587
01:58:44,595 --> 01:58:47,621
A few weeks later,
I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.
1588
01:58:47,732 --> 01:58:51,168
But this time,
it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing.
1589
01:58:53,437 --> 01:58:56,304
And Rex did make my life hell for a while.
1590
01:58:57,074 --> 01:58:58,735
But that Thanksgiving,
1591
01:58:58,809 --> 01:59:02,176
we finally found out
what's been up his ass all these years.
1592
01:59:02,246 --> 01:59:06,273
I'm gay! And, so, that's it.
1593
01:59:08,519 --> 01:59:11,113
By Christmas,
my dad got used to the idea.
1594
01:59:11,188 --> 01:59:14,157
And Rex is actually
a pretty great guy these days.
1595
01:59:14,225 --> 01:59:16,989
Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot
during rough sex.
1596
01:59:17,061 --> 01:59:19,621
Karen and I want you to have this,
for Christmas.
1597
01:59:19,697 --> 01:59:21,688
- Merry Christmas.
- Thanks.
1598
01:59:24,135 --> 01:59:25,432
A juicer.
1599
01:59:25,503 --> 01:59:30,907
Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome.
Wow, I gotta get some fruit.
1600
01:59:31,409 --> 01:59:32,467
Wow!
1601
01:59:36,514 --> 01:59:37,981
Thank you, thank you.
1602
01:59:38,616 --> 01:59:41,710
Dylan knocked up Becca
and had to take my old job.
1603
01:59:43,387 --> 01:59:45,378
Let's see, what else?
1604
01:59:46,023 --> 01:59:48,548
Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend.
1605
01:59:51,462 --> 01:59:54,863
And on New Year's Eve,
Felicia and I finally visited Grandma.
1606
01:59:54,932 --> 01:59:55,990
Again?
1607
01:59:57,268 --> 01:59:58,701
Damn, yes.
1608
02:00:01,372 --> 02:00:03,397
- Felicia, you want to do this?
- Yes.
1609
02:00:12,283 --> 02:00:14,046
Oh, that was awesome!
1610
02:00:54,291 --> 02:00:58,227
- Hey, boys. You get some rest?
- Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus.
1611
02:00:58,295 --> 02:01:00,058
- A pleasure.
- Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus.
1612
02:01:00,130 --> 02:01:02,530
- Appreciate it.
- Thanks for playing that show for us, too.
1613
02:01:02,600 --> 02:01:05,933
- Yeah, no worries.
- It was a nice five-song set.
1614
02:01:06,003 --> 02:01:08,403
Yeah, what do you guys typically...
1615
02:01:08,472 --> 02:01:10,906
I assume you get compensated
very well for that.
1616
02:01:10,975 --> 02:01:13,876
- Must be a good living.
- Yeah, we do. I mean...
1617
02:01:13,944 --> 02:01:16,845
Yeah, you know, I...
Gosh, if I was really to calculate
1618
02:01:16,914 --> 02:01:20,042
what you'd lose if this bus
couldn't have gotten back on the road,
1619
02:01:20,117 --> 02:01:21,311
if you couldn't have gotten to your shows,
1620
02:01:21,385 --> 02:01:26,254
I imagine all those weeping teenage girls
outside, "I need to dance."
1621
02:01:26,323 --> 02:01:29,292
Could we send you some pictures?
We don't really have cash or anything.
1622
02:01:29,360 --> 02:01:32,329
- Some autographed photos?
- Or we could give you CDs.
1623
02:01:32,396 --> 02:01:34,626
Yeah, we've got a lot of use
for that around here.
1624
02:01:34,698 --> 02:01:36,791
There is a lot of work
that needs to be done around here.
1625
02:01:36,867 --> 02:01:41,133
- You guys are some strapping young lads.
- I don't know if we're really built for that.
1626
02:01:42,573 --> 02:01:45,098
- Yeah.
- I can hear you.
1627
02:01:45,175 --> 02:01:47,575
I'm just saying,
you guys put in a 20-minute show,
1628
02:01:47,645 --> 02:01:49,272
- we spent all night on the bus...
- Yeah.
1629
02:01:49,346 --> 02:01:50,540
I mean, that was a lot of work.
1630
02:01:50,614 --> 02:01:52,809
We could maybe try
to write a check later on,
1631
02:01:52,883 --> 02:01:55,351
or like I said,
we could send you guys some CDs.
1632
02:01:55,419 --> 02:01:57,649
City folk are always trying to solve things
with money.
1633
02:01:57,721 --> 02:01:59,746
It's the spirit of the community
around here.
1634
02:01:59,823 --> 02:02:02,348
Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy.
1635
02:02:02,426 --> 02:02:05,190
Keep him safe on the road.
1636
02:02:05,262 --> 02:02:08,356
Help him to aspire
to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi.
1637
02:02:08,432 --> 02:02:09,660
- Help him to...
- Thanks.
1638
02:02:09,733 --> 02:02:11,633
- Okay, thanks, man.
- Thanks, man. We gotta roll.
1639
02:02:11,702 --> 02:02:13,636
- Amen.
- We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much.
1640
02:02:13,704 --> 02:02:15,262
All right, boys.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
1641
02:02:15,339 --> 02:02:18,308
I loved your penis on the Internet,
by the way.
1642
02:02:18,375 --> 02:02:20,434
- Fucking asshole!
- You're a dick!
1643
02:02:36,860 --> 02:02:40,796
Say my name and his in the same breath
1644
02:02:40,864 --> 02:02:44,322
I dare you to say they taste the same
1645
02:02:44,401 --> 02:02:47,928
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
1646
02:02:48,005 --> 02:02:51,065
And let December glow feel flames
1647
02:02:51,642 --> 02:02:54,736
Brace myself and let go
1648
02:02:54,812 --> 02:02:58,373
Start it over again in Mexico
1649
02:02:58,449 --> 02:03:02,249
These friends, they don't love you
1650
02:03:02,319 --> 02:03:05,982
They just love the hotel suites, now
1651
02:03:06,056 --> 02:03:09,116
I don't care what you think
1652
02:03:09,193 --> 02:03:12,856
As long as it's about me
1653
02:03:12,997 --> 02:03:16,160
The best of us can find happiness
1654
02:03:16,266 --> 02:03:19,429
In misery
1655
02:03:19,803 --> 02:03:23,398
Said, I don't care what you think
1656
02:03:23,474 --> 02:03:27,274
As long as it's about me
1657
02:03:27,344 --> 02:03:30,609
The best of us can find happiness
1658
02:03:30,681 --> 02:03:32,478
In misery
1659
02:03:38,455 --> 02:03:42,050
Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance
1660
02:03:42,126 --> 02:03:45,027
I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants
1661
02:03:45,095 --> 02:03:47,655
Pull a breath like another cigarette
1662
02:03:47,731 --> 02:03:50,222
Palms up, I'm trading 'em
1663
02:03:51,035 --> 02:03:52,866
Trading 'em
1664
02:03:52,936 --> 02:03:56,064
I'm the oracle in my chest
1665
02:03:56,440 --> 02:03:59,341
Let the guitar scream like a fascist
1666
02:03:59,410 --> 02:04:01,105
Sweat it out, shut your mouth
1667
02:04:01,178 --> 02:04:02,975
Free love on the streets
1668
02:04:03,047 --> 02:04:07,074
But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now
1669
02:04:07,151 --> 02:04:10,143
I don't care what you think
1670
02:04:10,220 --> 02:04:14,122
As long as it's about me
1671
02:04:14,191 --> 02:04:17,251
The best of us can find happiness
1672
02:04:17,327 --> 02:04:20,592
In misery
1673
02:04:20,864 --> 02:04:24,527
Said, I don't care what you think
1674
02:04:24,601 --> 02:04:28,367
As long as it's about me
1675
02:04:28,472 --> 02:04:31,566
The best of us can find happiness
1676
02:04:31,642 --> 02:04:33,405
In misery
1677
02:04:45,989 --> 02:04:49,550
Said I don't care just what you think
1678
02:04:49,793 --> 02:04:53,092
As long as it's about me
1679
02:04:53,163 --> 02:04:56,564
Said I don't care just what you think
1680
02:04:56,633 --> 02:05:00,262
As long as it's about me
1681
02:05:00,337 --> 02:05:03,864
Said I don't care, I don't care
1682
02:05:03,974 --> 02:05:07,501
Said I don't care, I don't care
1683
02:05:07,578 --> 02:05:13,710
Said I don't care, I don't care
1684
02:05:14,218 --> 02:05:15,207
No, I don't
1685
02:05:15,285 --> 02:05:18,652
I don't care, I don't care
1686
02:05:18,722 --> 02:05:22,522
I don't care
1687
02:05:22,593 --> 02:05:25,494
I don't care what you think
1688
02:05:25,562 --> 02:05:29,089
As long as it's about me
1689
02:05:29,466 --> 02:05:32,594
The best of us can find happiness
1690
02:05:32,669 --> 02:05:36,070
In misery
1691
02:05:36,140 --> 02:05:39,632
Said I don't care what you think
1692
02:05:39,710 --> 02:05:43,510
As long as it's about me
1693
02:05:43,580 --> 02:05:47,107
The best of us can find happiness
1694
02:05:47,184 --> 02:05:53,282
In misery
1695
02:06:45,776 --> 02:06:49,303
Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor.
1696
02:06:49,379 --> 02:06:51,711
You know in all the teen unrated DVDs,
1697
02:06:51,782 --> 02:06:55,343
you never really get to see
the star's naughty parts.
1698
02:06:55,819 --> 02:06:59,255
Well, that is gonna change today.
1699
02:06:59,323 --> 02:07:01,223
That's right. Take a seat,
1700
02:07:01,291 --> 02:07:04,124
maybe close the door
so mom doesn't come in.
1701
02:07:04,194 --> 02:07:07,095
Get all ready. Looks good.
1702
02:07:08,498 --> 02:07:09,829
Here we go.
1703
02:07:13,570 --> 02:07:15,060
Suckers!
1704
02:07:16,707 --> 02:07:18,004
This is serious matter.
1705
02:07:19,109 --> 02:07:20,269
Run for your life.
1706
02:07:20,344 --> 02:07:22,938
Oh, shit! You know what?
We see the fake balls on the table there.
1707
02:07:24,114 --> 02:07:26,844
All right. We'll shoot another. Cut.
- Cut.
1708
02:07:31,845 --> 02:07:32,845
Subtitles by LeapinLar