1
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,650
(PHONE RINGING)
2
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:37,607
(CLEARS THROAT)
3
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,330
MAN: Hello?
Tracey, it's Bradley.
4
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,448
Bradley, where the
hell are you guys?
5
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,170
I am freaking out!
6
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,446
BRADLEY: Listen.
7
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,045
We fucked up.
8
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:48,049
What are you talking about?
9
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,724
Me and Doug are about to get married and
I haven't heard from him in two days.
10
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:55,006
Things got a little out of
control last night and we...
11
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,410
We lost Doug.
12
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,209
The wedding is in a few hours!
13
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,281
In Santa Barbara?
14
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,407
Yeah!
15
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,082
That's not gonna happen.
16
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,169
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
17
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,445
Look, I know everyone's a little
miffed we couldn't do Vegas this year,
18
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,410
but I'm telling you, Chief Loose
Slots is the next best thing.
19
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,562
I don't care where we have
my bachelor party, guys.
20
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,086
All that matters is that
we're celebrating together.
21
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,250
And that we don't have AIDS.
22
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,563
Anyway, I bet once you get
inside, it's not so bad.
23
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,166
(BEEPS)
24
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,611
All right!
25
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,050
Hey, it's cute.
26
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,450
I am honestly impressed
by how shitty this is.
27
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,082
You don't even need a
blacklight to see all the stains.
28
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,164
Maybe that's yogurt.
29
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,528
Nah, it says right here in
the pamphlet, it is semen.
30
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,722
Look, semen or no semen,
31
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,848
the important thing is that Doug
32
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,321
found his soulmate.
33
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,481
DOUG: Thanks, man.
34
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,164
Tracey just completes
in me, you know?
35
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,970
Did you say, "Completes in you"?
36
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,041
(GROANS)
37
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,963
You know, that reminds
of the love shared
38
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,849
between Peeta and
Katniss in The...
39
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:55,048
I'm gonna need you to stop
talking about that book.
40
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,044
No, I will not stop
talking about a novel
41
00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:02,921
that blogcritics.org/reviews
said was "a page-turner."
42
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,604
Have you even read it?
43
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,444
I'd love to, man.
It's just hard to find time
44
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,284
to enrol in 7th grade
and cut off my nuts.
45
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,404
Well then, maybe I'll find it hard
to find time to share my goodies.
46
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,961
Oh, nice.
What do you got in there?
47
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,883
I've got all kinds of fun stuff.
48
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,964
I have Chernobyl potato vodka,
49
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,571
standard-issue roofies,
50
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,847
I've got Chinese black tar heroin,
51
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,450
I've got drug mule
rectum-release opium,
52
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,285
and some plug-in
air fresheners.
53
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,521
How did that get in here?
54
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,002
All right.
You got any bath salts?
55
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,161
Tons.
Help yourself.
56
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,846
I've also got skunk,
scoot, snap, flippers,
57
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,685
flappers, floppers,
uppers, downers,
58
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,649
and cyanide chewables.
59
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,848
Cyanide?
Poison is the best.
60
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,406
Hey! Those are my fun-time candies!
61
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,606
No. Uh-uh.
62
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,763
Every time we go out, we end up
blacked out and looking for somebody.
63
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,083
Vegas. Thailand.
My nephew Ruben's Bar Mitzvah.
64
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,209
Whatever, we got him back
in time for the service.
65
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,601
Yeah, and then he puked
all over the Torah.
66
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,411
(CHUCKLES)
Classic.
67
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:06,885
No, not classic.
That is a holy document.
68
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,121
(GROANS)
69
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,530
All right, let's just get Zach
dressed and head to the roof.
70
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,161
Dressed?
71
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,566
Small request, you guys. Could
somebody scratch my nuts?
72
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,608
I respectfully decline.
73
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:31,845
Non-alcoholic beer?
74
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,525
I told you.
No risks tonight.
75
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:34,761
Pussy!
76
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,890
Excuse me, I was
calling you a pussy.
77
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,121
All right.
78
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,925
Let's put our shitty rehab beers up
79
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,008
and toast Doug and Tracey.
80
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,808
I never thought your soulmate would
have an Adam's apple and a penis,
81
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,326
but, hey, life's a journey, I guess.
82
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:51,526
We're happy for you, man.
83
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,771
Thanks, guys.
84
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,325
To Doug and Tracey.
85
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,526
BOTH: To Doug and Tracey.
86
00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,811
And to a night we'll never forget.
87
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,123
Those look really good.
88
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,967
Could you just pour it in my cone?
89
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,086
(GROANS)
90
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,764
What the fuck?
91
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,731
Oh, God.
92
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,285
(GROANING)
93
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,081
What?
94
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,486
Scuba guy on the ceiling.
That makes sense.
95
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:14,761
Watch out!
96
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,166
Jesus!
97
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,404
You stepped on my balls, dude.
98
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,686
Sorry.
99
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,689
Where the hell are we?
100
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,684
Fuck if I know.
101
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:29,121
All I know is I am hungover
as shit right now.
102
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,648
I think I'm legally dead.
103
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,368
And my mouth tastes assy.
104
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,244
Please tell me I ate cheese.
105
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,881
I don't know.
My ass kind of hurts.
106
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,085
Oh, no!
Did I do cocaine?
107
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,007
I'm deathly allergic to cocaine.
108
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,489
And I'm allergic to gluten.
109
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,168
ED: I hope that's gluten-free.
110
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,287
Oh, no.
111
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,528
Did we kill Waldo last night?
112
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,401
Um...
113
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,005
Maybe he was fucked to death.
114
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,680
(GAGGING)
115
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,040
(IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Morning, fellas!
116
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,046
Oh, god damn it, who let Zach
out of the straitjacket?
117
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,487
Is that a man-thong?
118
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,040
No, it's a regular thong.
I wear them all the time.
119
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,641
That's disgusting.
(GAGGING)
120
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,251
Okay, we need to find Doug
and get the hell out of here.
121
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,561
Somebody call him.
Where's my phone?
122
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,849
Oh, holy shit.
Is this a rocket launcher?
123
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:21,481
BRADLEY: Zach?
124
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,161
Dude!
125
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,446
Come on, we have to find Doug.
126
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,131
But that was...
127
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,368
Oh, my. Gentlemen,
this is quite a mess.
128
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:36,404
Okay, this is awkward, but I'm
just gonna go ahead and ask,
129
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,324
maid or hooker?
130
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,041
Manners! That is no way
to speak to your escort.
131
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,046
I always ask.
The answer's always the same.
132
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,761
It's been real nice talking to
you, but we're just gonna go.
133
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:52,921
I wouldn't do that.
134
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,087
Okay.
135
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,521
(SCREAMING)
136
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,083
We're on a fucking train?
137
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,080
I knew it!
138
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,162
That means you're Effie Trinket!
139
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,810
No, my name is Effing.
140
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,884
And the three of you
are on your way to the Games.
141
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,122
We discussed this all after
your courageous gesture.
142
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,001
EFFING: Why don't you look at your phone?
(CHATTER ON VIDEO)
143
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,770
Fucking Reaping, bitches!
144
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:23,407
ED: Oh, that's my phone.
145
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,847
Let me see it.
146
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,082
Doug's trying to kiss me again!
147
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,525
Doug, how you doing, buddy?
148
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,682
Fucking Reaping, bitches!
149
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:32,886
(ALL WHOOPING)
150
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,128
The first name of the girl...
151
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,531
Why is Lady Gaga on the screen?
152
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:37,971
And a happy Games goes to...
153
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,530
Change the channel!
154
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,090
...young Boo!
155
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,450
(BOOING)
And now for the boys.
156
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,170
I volunteer!
157
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,609
We volunteer for
the Hungover Games!
158
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,848
EFFING:
What a wonderful development!
159
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,962
Three of our brave volunteers
to add to the race.
160
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,290
May the chances be
ever in your comer.
161
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,284
Attica! Attica!
162
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,965
Okay, Okay.
163
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,166
Hey!
164
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:06,687
Oh!
165
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,001
(LAUGHING)
Okay.
166
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,287
Will you keep it down?
167
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,922
I can hardly hear myself drink.
168
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,650
Haymitch!
169
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,448
That's not my name,
you scruffy half-tard.
170
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,402
It's Justmitch.
171
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,768
Look, I'm enjoying all of this.
172
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,126
I really am.
173
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,248
Especially that
little blonde schoolgirl
174
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,442
situation you've got
going on right there.
175
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,568
But right now we
really just need to
176
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,682
find our friend and be on our way.
177
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,761
The Sponsors will eat that
bromance shit up with a spoon.
178
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,605
Speaking of which.
179
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,403
Okay, let me guess, now you're gonna
tell us how to win the Games?
180
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,927
If you wanna live long enough to
find your pansy little friend,
181
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,849
you'd best learn to listen to me.
182
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,731
If there's two things
I know, it's hangovers
183
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,049
and murdering for sport.
184
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,246
And, hey, if you're lucky enough,
185
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,409
one of y'all might
get out of here alive.
186
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,602
Did you just say "one" of us?
Mm-hmm.
187
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,207
Now if you'll excuse me,
I gotta find a vein.
188
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,561
WOMAN ON TV:
You're watching Capitol Sports.
189
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,284
Skip, it's my favourite time
of the year.
190
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:31,002
The weather is warming, the
tig ol' bitties is coming out
191
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,289
and right now, it's time
for the Hungover Games!
192
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:35,964
A great competition
shaping up this year.
193
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,361
Contestants from
the Superheroes District
194
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,489
and the Middle Earth District are
once again among the favourites.
195
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:44,689
The Puppet District and the Depp
District are particularly intriguing to
196
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,125
Stephen A. Timplesmith.
197
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,640
Johnny Depp. Is there any
weirdo this guy won't play?
198
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:49,681
Straight freak!
199
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,764
Next up, we have The Real
Housewives of District 8.
200
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,571
Now these trashy bitches
201
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,450
have about a 0% chance
of surviving the Games.
202
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,602
White girls!
Got me one at home.
203
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:03,081
Next up, we've got
the Django District.
204
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,850
Now Django is tough, but let's
get this straight, Skip.
205
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,924
He will never be LeBron.
206
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,366
Now, on the Django team
207
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,842
we have famed plantation
owner, Calvin Dandy.
208
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,002
Ironically, he's a good
friend of mine.
209
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,084
All right, next up we have the
Gratuitous Nudity District.
210
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,605
Dizzamn!
211
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,930
Everybody knows you cannot
make entertainment like this
212
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,243
without some inexplicable,
unwarranted nudity.
213
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,608
And finally our field is rounded
out by our outlying districts.
214
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,762
AUTOMATED VOICE: District 9, Avatar.
215
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,003
District 10, Horror.
216
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,086
District 11, Katnip Everlean.
217
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,561
District 12, The Hungover Guys.
218
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,007
Hey! That looks like us and Doug!
219
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,568
Look, we've got about
48 hours to find him
220
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,563
and get him back to that wedding.
221
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:52,846
Okay.
222
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,401
I guess it's time for us
to kill some motherfuckers.
223
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:56,521
(GIGGLES)
224
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,921
WOMAN: All right, I need three
to run this drill. Let's go!
225
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,889
I have the power!
226
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,081
Come on, cunt.
227
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,125
Oh, foo. Another year,
another murder.
228
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,608
What a crop of freakazoids.
229
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,330
(GRUNTING)
230
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:22,686
Stop swinging that in my face.
231
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,205
That is dangerous.
That is not a toy!
232
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,283
Zach, will you stop? You're
making us look like idiots.
233
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,205
No, Mr I Can't Even
Pick Up This Boulder.
234
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,611
(YELLING)
235
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,367
You're making us look bad
in front of the Sponsors.
236
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,090
Why are they all dressed like that?
237
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,806
Looks like a Lady Gaga
family reunion.
238
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,244
Look, you see that?
239
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,882
Our odds are pretty
shitty right now.
240
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,040
ED: Hey, why do the puppets
have better odds than us?
241
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,840
Go ahead and cross
check your information.
242
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,008
Excuse me. Sorry, I hate
to bother you with this,
243
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,287
but my friend is stuck.
244
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,605
World War Z, right?
245
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,250
No. Walking Dead, actually.
246
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,204
Oh, right, right.
You were the one that bit
247
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,200
that guy's ear and then
ate his face off, right?
248
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,606
Guilty.
249
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,761
So who else came
from your district?
250
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,203
Just that crazy blood-covered
bitch over there.
251
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,643
She scares the shit out of me.
252
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:28,960
I can see why.
253
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:37,165
Wow. Kaptain Kazakhstan is
really rocking that burlap sack.
254
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,966
Look at the size of
those Oompa Loompas.
255
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,280
You're welcome.
256
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,840
That's quite a bit of
shrubbery he has down there.
257
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,287
Can you say,
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia"?
258
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,003
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
259
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,527
Listen.
260
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,762
They're looking at you
like you're a meal.
261
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,084
Especially that flamboyant
Scandinavian guy.
262
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,241
Ew.
263
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,369
He wants to roll you in
sugar like a dick churro.
264
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,604
So what am I supposed to do?
265
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,041
They need to know
that you can take a punch.
266
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,647
What?
267
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,729
Yeah. Trust me.
268
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:22,801
Okay.
269
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,281
(GROANING)
270
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:26,887
(GIGGLING)
271
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:28,965
Okay, I'm good.
272
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,280
All right, I'm good.
273
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,845
The elbow didn't count.
Come on, come on.
274
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,400
Now, just remember, this hurts
you more than it hurts me.
275
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,527
(GRUNTS)
276
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:39,887
(LAUGHING)
277
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,006
Why, dude? Why?
278
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,686
I don't know. I forgot why
we're even doing this.
279
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,971
(ED GROANING)
280
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,251
I'm pooped.
281
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,368
I want a vitamin water
or something.
282
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,086
Not bad.
283
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,170
That means I need a vitamin water!
284
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,811
Okay, okay, I'll get it!
I'll get a vitamin water for you!
285
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,245
Not again.
286
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:06,681
(GRUNTING)
287
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,484
My right nut is numb.
288
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,690
I can take a hit, Zach.
289
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,411
I can give one, too.
290
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,005
You ready for the thunder?
291
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,491
Well, here's the lightning!
292
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,563
Oh, son of a hooker, that hurt!
293
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,880
Hey, watch it!
294
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,206
Sorry, I didn't see anything,
I swear to God!
295
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,805
My elbow may have grazed...
Ed.
296
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,606
Hey...
297
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,367
Okay.
298
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,521
Uh...
299
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,250
How are you?
300
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,124
Hey...
Hi.
301
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,367
...you.
302
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,521
Oh.
303
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,080
You don't remember me.
304
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,286
It's Katnip.
305
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,964
Katnip Everlean.
306
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,726
I'm sorry. It's just
that last night, we...
307
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:55,767
You were wasted.
308
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,921
Yeah.
309
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,488
You guys bought us drinks
after the Reaping.
310
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,882
You said you were going
district-hopping, and you up and left.
311
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,210
Jeez! You guys clearly have
a drinking problem!
312
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,007
Um, is that a talking bird?
313
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,651
I'm a talking jay, you birdbrain.
314
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,324
For a nerd, you're pretty dumb.
315
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,846
Sorry. He's really nice
once you get to know him.
316
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,763
Yeah, just ask your mom.
317
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,126
That's rude.
318
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,567
Go away. How are you
feeling, by the way?
319
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,486
Well, besides the raging hangover,
320
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,562
the free-for-all
death match coming up,
321
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,610
and the shit taste I can't
get out of my mouth,
322
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,562
I'm actually doing great.
323
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,922
Hey, look, it's Dumb
and Dumberer.
324
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,687
A talking jay.
325
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,728
So elegant.
326
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,888
Hey, get your mitts off me!
327
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,406
Where'd you go to school,
Penn State?
328
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,371
Wow, okay, yeah.
329
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,727
I'm not even gonna try to
process that right now.
330
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,165
Excuse me?
331
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,524
It's Katnip, Bradley.
We met last night.
332
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,681
Yeah, Bradley.
333
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,491
Yeah, right, okay.
About last night,
334
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,524
do you have any idea what
happened to our friend, Doug?
335
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:06,927
Uh...
336
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,527
(LAUGHING) No. But I did wake up today
and I saw you all volunteered.
337
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,842
That was really brave of you.
338
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,530
That is one word for it.
339
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,011
No, seriously. You guys were talking about
it so much you inspired me to do it.
340
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,606
That's why I took my
little sister's place.
341
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,448
That was stupid.
Sorry.
342
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,883
You have a little sister?
343
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,687
Is she into husky bearded guys with
low-level personality disorders?
344
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,450
(YELLING)
345
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,041
Nice!
346
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,247
I like this girl.
347
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,209
That got more hand than apple.
348
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:37,850
(BUZZER RINGS)
349
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,529
Attention, battlers,
battlers, battlers.
350
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,604
The training centre is now closed.
351
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,888
It is time to die.
352
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,570
Make that work.
353
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,924
That's my catchphrase,
you know. "Make that work."
354
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,289
WOMAN: Hello?
A little help here?
355
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,566
AUTOMATED VOICE: 20, 19, 18,
356
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,165
17,
357
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,606
16,
358
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,121
15,
359
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,731
14...
360
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,280
Doug! Dougie!
Doug man!
361
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,081
Doug? Doug?
362
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,366
Doug!
363
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,931
Doug? Where are you, man?
364
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,684
Where the fuck is he?
365
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:19,881
Doug?
Doug?
366
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,890
Was that him?
367
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,248
Hey, sweetheart.
368
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,369
Looking for a white guy,
yea high, generic, unfunny,
369
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,330
really forgettable.
Was that him right now?
370
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,649
Come on, talk to me.
371
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,324
She's a goddamn
mute or something.
372
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,526
Man, fuck you, white boy.
373
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,411
What are you guys doing here?
374
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,881
You need to get to
your tube room immediately.
375
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,805
Okay, you don't have to manhandle me!
Oh. my tea!
376
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,006
You just got bubble tea
all over my control panel.
377
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,050
Get him out of here!
378
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,487
16,
379
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:00,847
15,
380
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,126
14,
381
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,361
13,
(LIFT CLANGS)
382
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,441
12...
383
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,841
Jeez, guys.
Portion control much?
384
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:08,687
9,
385
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,247
8,
386
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:11,446
7,
387
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,726
6,
388
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,847
5,
389
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,367
4,
390
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:16,607
3,
391
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,161
2,
392
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,407
1.
393
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,444
No, no, no! Don't step off
the platform, we'll explode!
394
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,446
Oh, God.
395
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,767
Oh, God.
396
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,969
MAN OVER PA: Now the contestants
line up before the Pornucopia,
397
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,361
no doubt picking out the
weapons they wanna grab.
398
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,808
Doug, Doug, come on, man.
Where are you?
399
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,003
He must be on the other side
of that tent full of...
400
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,447
What are those?
Sex weapons?
401
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,523
ED: Where the fuck are we?
402
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,924
MAN:
This is a great time to mention
403
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,844
that the weaponry
has been provided by
404
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,924
Delta Venus, Queen of the Sex Toys.
405
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,170
(DRUMS POUNDING)
406
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,522
Let the killing begin!
407
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,960
Shit, come on! Maybe we can find
him before he gets slaughtered.
408
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,402
I got this.
Yeah.
409
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,329
Fuck! My hammie!
I should've stretched!
410
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,847
Oh, I should've stretched first!
411
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,203
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
412
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,927
Yeah!
413
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,243
Holy cow. White wine!
I hate white wine!
414
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,090
Okay, barrel roll!
415
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,640
BRADLEY: Shit, really?
Are you all right?
416
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,841
At least tell me that looked awesome.
Yeah. Sure.
417
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,210
Oh, it's a red man.
High five?
418
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,203
No? How about this?
419
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,206
You like?
420
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,408
Put penis away, kemosabe.
421
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:22,966
(ALL CHEERING)
422
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,965
Is that labia?
423
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,481
That is a bear!
424
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,561
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
425
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,802
Wait, wait!
No, no, no!
426
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,962
Doug must have come up
right here! Where is he?
427
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,087
Fuck!
428
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,121
Whoa!
429
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:46,887
Come on, man.
430
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,326
Come back here!
431
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,489
Fuck! And where's Zach?
432
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,768
Well, hey there, boy.
433
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,647
Ow!
434
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,123
Goddamn women!
435
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,445
Don't mind if I do.
436
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,042
Now, now, don't do nothing
foolish there, N-word.
437
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,282
I like the way you die, boy.
438
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,085
(SCREAMING)
439
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,371
Django's free!
440
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,124
Take that, black!
Dude!
441
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,328
You like baseball, Jackie Robinson?
442
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:20,761
Oh!
443
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,681
TEDDY: Shit!
Oh, that's cruel!
444
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,088
Hey, you thirsty?
Here's some tea!
445
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:26,966
Teabag!
Oh, that's nasty.
446
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,360
That's real gross.
Bag, bag, bag!
447
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,765
Please stop.
Just please stop.
448
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,729
Wait, you want some fucking lemon?
Yeah, bag it up!
449
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,962
Come on!
Jesus!
450
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,162
I know that looked bad,
but, come on,
451
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,566
let's keep in mind that the purpose of
this competition is to kill people, yeah.
452
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,927
So that was technically
not a hate crime.
453
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,800
I'm not a racist. I got like eight black
guys on my fantasy football team.
454
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,731
I mean, not the quarterback obviously,
that's a thinking man's position.
455
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,040
Seriously?
456
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,207
(SHUDDERS)
457
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:53,801
Oh, no, not this!
458
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:54,967
Fuck this! Go!
459
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,241
Whatever.
460
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,045
(ALL GROAN)
461
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,722
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
462
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,771
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
463
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,251
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
464
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,806
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
465
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,450
I just watched Django get
kerb-stomped by a teddy bear,
466
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,126
two of our friends are MIA,
and, oh, did I mention,
467
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,441
did I mention this, that my
mouth still tastes like shit!
468
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,125
All right, dude, quit being a baby.
469
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,560
My ass still hurts, too. You
don't hear me whining about it.
470
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,329
It just won't go away.
471
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,086
BOTH: Oh!
472
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,124
What's happening, honkies?
473
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,441
What the hell?
That Asian guy! Really?
474
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,922
What? Oriental man cannot
practise acrobatics in the woods?
475
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,441
You racist assholes think
I'm Viet Cong or something?
476
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,249
Wait, why the fuck are you here?
477
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,131
We had a sick night last night.
I still hungover.
478
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,049
Just tell us what
the fuck happened, okay?
479
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,645
You mean you don't remember?
480
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:47,881
No.
481
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,528
Human Centipede, bitches!
482
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,643
What's a Human Centipede?
483
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,451
Human Centipede only
the greatest idea ever.
484
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,325
You sew a chain of people
from asshole to mouth hole.
485
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,881
You share the same
digestive system.
486
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,166
Check it out.
487
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,443
We shit brothers!
Oh!
488
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:05,961
I was the middle.
489
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,326
No!
490
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,646
What the fuck? Fuck!
491
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,200
Why would we do that fucking...
That's disgusting!
492
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,487
You have really potty mouth.
493
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,449
You get it?
Potty mouth!
494
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,284
Because your mouth was potty.
495
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:18,880
(GAGGING)
496
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,610
Just let it out, man.
(LAUGHING)
497
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,447
Wait, hold on. I was in the
front, so I didn't eat any shit?
498
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,166
Nope. You were total party pooper.
499
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:31,641
Literally.
500
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,322
(CHUCKLING)
Well, that's a relief, huh?
501
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,050
ED: That's disgusting.
502
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,487
(YAWNING)
It's getting really late.
503
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,046
You know what they say,
504
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,487
early to bed, early
to Human Centipede.
505
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,568
I gotta go Human Centipede
with the Olsen twins.
506
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,210
They've done it before.
507
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,611
See you gay boys later.
508
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,051
Let's find a place to sleep, buddy.
It's been a long day.
509
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,565
Oh, Jesus!
510
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:57,881
I didn't eat corn.
511
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,206
Yeah, I did.
512
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,005
(GROANING)
513
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,448
Shit, human shit inside me.
514
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,841
Hey, man, we've all been there.
515
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,006
Really?
516
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,123
Fuck, no, I've never been there.
517
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,043
It's the most disgusting
thing I've ever heard.
518
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,201
(CRYING) It is real gross.
519
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,488
Hey, shit-for-breath,
be quiet for a second.
520
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,131
Look over there.
Someone's got a fire going.
521
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,287
That's dumb.
522
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:26,361
Yup.
523
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,645
MAN: I appreciate the spirited
conversation, gentlemen,
524
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,449
but we all know there's no debate.
525
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,000
I am the weirdest of all the Depps.
526
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,367
I mean, for fuck's
sake, I'm a pirate
527
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,761
who sashays round
like a bloody poof.
528
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,641
And what of you there, top hat?
529
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,531
Well, I do have my fair share
of psychological issues.
530
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,331
My speech patterns mirror
those of sexual molesters.
531
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,971
I keep a bunch of
dwarves as my slaves.
532
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,848
And I masturbate in the chocolate.
533
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:56,967
(GIGGLES)
534
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,168
Every single batch.
535
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,129
I think I might puke.
536
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,171
(WHISTLES)
537
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,250
Nice work, Tonto.
538
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,209
Say good night, weirdos.
539
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,089
A bloody smoke signal!
540
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,367
You fucked us, you bloody Native!
541
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,124
Tonto sick of white man.
542
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,850
Yes, but we're all Depps, mate!
543
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:27,011
Tonto especially sick of Depps.
544
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,004
Are you gonna
rape and murder us?
545
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,806
TEDDY: Keep it in your pants,
Scissorhands.
546
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,604
Me next!
Me next!
547
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,888
If you don't mind, I prefer
it in a chocolate factory.
548
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:51,441
That's brutal.
549
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,368
Now that's what I
call a deep throat.
550
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,128
That means a dozen gone in the
first eight hours, Stephen A.,
551
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,329
and I think I smell
an alliance forming.
552
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:04,245
What the fuck do you mean,
an alliance?
553
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:05,885
If it's supposed to be
every man for themself,
554
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,720
they ain't gonna create
no fucking alliance.
555
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,410
They're gonna be out there
killing each other.
556
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,642
That don't make
no goddamn sense!
557
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,485
I know. I can barely keep myself
from killing you, Stephen A.
558
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,165
Can't fault you there.
559
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:20,964
THOR:
That creepy, pale guy was bananas!
560
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,610
B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
561
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,409
TEDDY: Hey, Thor, we get it.
You like cock.
562
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:26,811
Fuck, dude.
563
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,325
Don't stay here, don't stay
here, don't stay here.
564
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,051
Anyway, guys, I'm pooped. What say
we just stay here for the night?
565
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,040
ZACH: Do you guys think there's
a Chili's out here?
566
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,924
I'll settle for an Applebee's,
but it would be grudgingly.
567
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:40,924
What the fuck is
he doing with them?
568
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,163
I think he's looking for a reasonably
priced casual dining restaurant.
569
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,287
Thor?
570
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:46,925
Awesome Blossom?
571
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,802
Tonto?
Jalapeno poppers?
572
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,124
Something for you, Bloody?
573
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,521
If you talk to me again, I
will murder your whole family
574
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,968
and terrorise whatever little Podunk
town you come from, you hear me?
575
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,567
Okay, more fully loaded
potato skins for me then.
576
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,171
How about a bear claw?
577
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,083
Maybe a bun for the wiener?
578
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,048
All right, table for six, seven.
Ladies?
579
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,681
You know, I don't think
we fit the dress code.
580
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,451
Oh, it's a Chili's.
You guys will be fine.
581
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,530
I kill him now, yes?
582
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:20,681
No.
583
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,250
Let's lock him in
a burning gymnasium
584
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,290
and wait till his guttural
screams slowly fade away.
585
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,290
TEDDY: Easy, Scary.
586
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,165
We need to keep that fat sack
of Asperger's alive for now.
587
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,650
He's our best shot at finding
those two other fuck nuggets.
588
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,883
Would you guys shush already?
I need to get my beauty sleep.
589
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:38,846
(GROANS)
590
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,289
I'm never gonna be
able to sleep now.
591
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,367
I'm gonna have insomnia for sure.
592
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:46,811
(SIGHS)
593
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,042
This was the worst day ever.
594
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:02,806
(SNORING)
595
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:16,921
What the...
596
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:18,521
Shit!
597
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,047
Jesus! Shut up, Ed.
598
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,083
Got hit with a fucking boulder.
599
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:24,847
Hey!
600
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:29,810
She seems friendly.
601
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:35,891
What are you nodding at?
602
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,200
I don't...
603
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,204
Use your fucking words!
604
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,249
She wants us to saw the hive off
605
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,203
so that it falls onto them below.
606
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:56,725
GIRL: No fuckin' shit.
607
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,244
Vulgar little child.
608
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,801
Oh, I have a Swiss Army knife.
609
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:04,566
Okay.
610
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,521
Uh, hey, you know,
I'm not really athletic.
611
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,125
Do you mind just climbing up there?
612
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,884
Take one for the team?
Come on.
613
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,161
Nice.
614
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,521
Oh, snap! Now looky here.
615
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,724
Them motherfucking hungover honkies
got a trick up their sleeve.
616
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,928
Is that a Swagger
Jacker nest, Skip?
617
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,446
Correct, you are. Now these guys
are gonna have to be careful.
618
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,330
Swagger Jackers
are no ordinary bees.
619
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,243
They are
genetically engineered wasps
620
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,526
that when they sting you,
621
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,171
they drain your body's
natural swagger supply.
622
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,244
In other words, they make
you a straight bitch.
623
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,290
Precisely. And just a few
stings can prove lethal.
624
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,088
I'm crossing my fingers, Skip.
625
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,321
Me, too.
626
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,841
I know you aren't trying
to cut down our nest!
627
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,047
Does that hurt?
628
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,121
Yes, it hurt!
629
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,242
Dude, don't be a pussy.
Saw!
630
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:05,960
(SNORING)
631
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,121
Oh, God.
632
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,527
They're not gonna sleep in
much longer. Hurry up, man!
633
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,364
(SWAGGER JACKERS CHATTERING)
634
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:17,847
Hurry up!
635
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,450
Get away from the nest, jerk-off!
636
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:24,850
TEDDY: Flew in my fucking hole!
637
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:25,921
(SHRIEKING)
638
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:28,969
TEDDY: Oh, shit!
Got a bee in my cock.
639
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,570
(ALL SCREAMING)
640
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,371
Oh, Jesus.
641
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:41,646
Hey, you okay?
642
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,041
A couple of Swagger
Jack-offs stung me.
643
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,920
(SLURRING)
But I'm good.
644
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,923
Hey, hey, hey, sure?
You don't look too good.
645
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,445
I don't feel too good.
646
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:51,925
No, no, no, no!
Bradley!
647
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:58,805
I'm coming for you!
648
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,040
You guys see that?
649
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,121
(SCREAMING)
650
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,645
Shit! Shit!
651
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,324
This chubba has literally no swag.
652
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,291
Hey! I was looking
all over for you guys!
653
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:16,807
(ALL GROANING)
654
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:18,564
BRADLEY: God, my face hurts.
655
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:21,246
Oh, I can feel my
heartbeat in my ears.
656
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:22,765
It's throbbing.
It's really loud.
657
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,684
Hey. Does my head look weird?
It's so loud.
658
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,967
No.
659
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,008
But your body is super tiny.
660
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,241
It is?
661
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,323
Your body is super tiny, man.
662
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,250
Do I look okay?
663
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:38,801
Yeah.
664
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:41,527
You're cool.
665
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,409
I am cool, thank you.
666
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,047
This is napping cool time for me.
667
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:47,446
(GROANS)
668
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,041
This is a terrible pillow.
669
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,571
Sleep sounds good.
670
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,287
Hi.
671
00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:10,165
I've missed you.
672
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,762
I've missed you, too, Katnip.
673
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:14,891
I'm only 17.
674
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,331
What?
675
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:17,481
Nothing.
676
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,847
I have something to show you.
677
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:24,207
ED: Yes.
678
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,567
Yes.
679
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:28,886
No!
680
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,284
Why?
681
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,603
Hey, are you having
a wet hallucination, Ed?
682
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,127
Yeah, you know,
a nocturnal emission?
683
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,602
God, just when I thought
I couldn't hate you any more.
684
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:45,207
Hey, ease up. We didn't
choose this way of life.
685
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,203
Yeah, it's no picnic.
686
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,131
You know how hard it is
to motorboat yourself?
687
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:51,440
God, please don't do it.
688
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:55,609
This is the worst
wet dream of my life.
689
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:56,961
See?
690
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,048
Zach, how can you even ruin boobs?
691
00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,686
Hey, does my mouth
look like a nipple?
692
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:05,446
Uh...
693
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,965
It kinda does.
694
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,126
Okay, this is getting weird.
Maybe we should wake him up.
695
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:12,611
Okay, okay, okay.
696
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:13,920
On my count.
697
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,562
One, two, three!
698
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,247
BOTH: Boom!
699
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:20,481
Bearded boobies!
700
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,131
(SHOUTING)
701
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:28,165
How long have we been out, man?
702
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:29,606
Couple days.
703
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,801
I've been licking your wounds.
What?
704
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,611
I've been watching you guys sleep,
nursing you back to health.
705
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,809
Scrotal touching was just
for medicinal purposes.
706
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,203
We saw those Swagger
Jackers sting you, man. A lot.
707
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,044
Yeah, but their venom has no effect
708
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:45,924
if you have no swagger to jack.
709
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,764
Hold on a second.
710
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,320
What the hell were you
doing with that gang, man?
711
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,284
You were gonna help them kill us?
712
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,801
You guys, I don't do
well with peer pressure.
713
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,121
I didn't really want to murder you.
714
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,522
But you would have?
715
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:08,366
Oh, come on!
716
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,249
I'm sorry!
I had a moment of weakness!
717
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,005
I nursed you back to health.
Don't you feel swaggy?
718
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,167
Yeah.
719
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:16,406
Yeah.
720
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,489
I really do, actually.
721
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,366
It's because of this.
722
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:21,521
Swagger Balm.
723
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:27,200
"Ingredients, aloe, palm oil,
724
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,681
"and Kanye West extract?"
725
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,167
Tastes just like the real thing.
726
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:33,647
(GAGGING)
727
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:35,085
WOMAN: Hey, boys.
728
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:36,924
We thought we smelt some swagger.
729
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:39,881
Puts the rocks down, buddy.
730
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,246
(WHOOPING)
731
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:45,206
I just wanna get
sloppy drunk and slutty!
732
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,928
Way too late for that, sweetheart.
733
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:49,727
I get the blondes.
734
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:50,801
Okay.
735
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:54,805
That's rich!
736
00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:59,643
So then I divorced that asshole
and took half of everything.
737
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,521
That's how I got my lucky charm.
738
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,321
Is it that ring?
It's lovely.
739
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,243
I'm not talking about that.
740
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:08,651
I'm talking about
741
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:09,767
this.
742
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,049
(LAUGHING)
Is that a fucking ball?
743
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:13,281
Neat!
744
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,330
I told you, when I took half of
everything, I meant half of everything.
745
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,051
You girls are such a treat.
746
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,770
Great!
Here's to good friends!
747
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,081
And you two bitches.
748
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,483
Well, well, well,
749
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,841
if it isn't the popular girls.
750
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,241
Nice blood outfit, honey, but
that's worse than pleather.
751
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,007
What is that, O positive?
752
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:37,645
Awful.
So last season.
753
00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:38,721
What is that, gas?
754
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,081
You got that on my Gucci dress!
Bitch!
755
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:42,880
What are you doing?
756
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,240
Do you know how much this cost?
757
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:47,963
Wait, I just wanna
see where this is going!
758
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:49,371
Zach, let's go!
759
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,121
Game, set...
760
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:52,406
No! No!
761
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:54,646
...match!
762
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,725
(ALL SCREAMING)
763
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,530
WOMAN: My tits are gonna melt!
764
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,251
You wanted to see me,
President Snowbama?
765
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:15,003
Tell me, have you
ever been hungover?
766
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,045
Why, yes.
767
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,607
I'm actually hungover right now.
768
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,407
Never pass out in a crowded bar.
769
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,051
Yes, they shaved
a dick on my face, sir.
770
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,527
These hungover contestants,
people seem to care about them.
771
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:33,641
Yes?
Is that a bad thing, sir?
772
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:35,688
The Games are a distraction
773
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,127
so people won't notice
the crap we peddle out.
774
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,170
Sequels, remakes, spoofs.
775
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,407
When people start to care,
bad things happen.
776
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:46,726
Ratings go down,
777
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,882
beards get shaved.
778
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:51,004
I've got it under control, sir.
779
00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:03,290
It's a kitty cat.
780
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,529
'Cause you're a little pussy.
781
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,483
Thank you, Mr President.
782
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,450
(CANNON BLAST)
783
00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:19,042
Shit! Any one of these
cannon blasts could be Doug.
784
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:20,804
We don't even know
if he's still alive.
785
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,360
Hey, I'm scared, too, but the one
thing that's not gonna get us
786
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,641
back to that gay wedding is
sitting here crying about it.
787
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,087
There should only be
a handful of contestants left.
788
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:30,001
We can do this, man.
789
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,167
You guys.
790
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,846
Hey, since we're standing around
sharing things, I've got a doozy.
791
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,649
What the hell did you do, Zach?
792
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:38,922
You know the air fresheners
that I plugged in?
793
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,445
Best thing you ever did.
They were delightful.
794
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:45,242
Well, it wasn't Lilac or Morning
Mist or Brazilian Breeze.
795
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:46,924
It was Midnight Berry.
796
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,684
What the shit is Midnight Berry?
797
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,685
From the novels.
It's aromatic.
798
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:54,327
What's so bad about that?
799
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:56,729
Well, I didn't finish my thought.
800
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,809
It's aromatic,
poisonous and lethal.
801
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,609
What the fuck is wrong with you?
802
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:04,330
Are you kidding me?
803
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:08,123
I think you guys are getting hung up on
the fact that it's poisonous and lethal.
804
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,884
They smell fresh.
805
00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:11,287
Smell.
806
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:13,520
Jesus!
Fuck, man!
807
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:14,961
God!
808
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:16,326
(GROANS)
809
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,883
Yeah, it says right
here on the label,
810
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:23,204
"May cause transportation
to futuristic dystopia."
811
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:24,327
"Maw.
812
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,448
You're the reason we're here,
you sausage-fingered fuck!
813
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:27,646
This is all your fault!
814
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,809
Hey, you said you liked the scent!
Because I like floral scents!
815
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:31,881
Well, there, he said it!
816
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,566
So now I forgive you guys
and we can move forward!
817
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:35,886
I... Ooh!
818
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:38,645
I hope you die out here.
819
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:41,321
No.
820
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,965
You fucked up.
821
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,564
That was harsh.
822
00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:00,326
The sloth is heading towards
the soup pot. Over.
823
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,323
MAN: 10-4, squaw without bra.
824
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:04,127
Nice.
825
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,568
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah. Real nice.
826
00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:11,129
Stupid Midnight Berry!
827
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,329
Why does something so fragrant
have to be so bad?
828
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:15,641
(SIGHS)
829
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,246
Thank God, thank God.
Thank God.
830
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:19,321
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
831
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,250
Get outta the way.
Get outta the way.
832
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,001
Yeah, that's more like it.
833
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:43,127
There.
834
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,647
I thought I'd never say this,
but Daddy wants blue balls.
835
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,528
MAN OVER PA:
Attention, everyone. Attention.
836
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,486
We have some new
rules for you kids.
837
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:14,891
From this point forward
838
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:19,967
contestants of colour will be
granted special consideration.
839
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,486
Yes, I'm talking about
affirmative action, people.
840
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:23,807
Zach!
It's the 21st century...
841
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,843
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
842
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:29,886
Whatever you say.
843
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:34,411
I think I speak for all of us when
I ask you to give us some privacy.
844
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:35,970
With pleasure.
845
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,569
WOMAN: Boys, have at him.
846
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:44,766
Nice weave, bitch.
847
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,571
Her hair is all natural.
Take that back!
848
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,606
You wanna kill her,
you gotta kill me first.
849
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:51,920
(SCREAMS)
850
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,761
Blue scalp.
Rarest of scalps.
851
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:02,411
Your turn, dumpy.
852
00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:08,521
Yeah!
853
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,483
Gratuitous nudity no match
for gratuitous violence.
854
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,729
Farewell, my princess.
855
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:50,486
(CRYING)
856
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,168
Maybe just one more squeeze.
857
00:43:57,240 --> 00:43:59,359
Go in a bit tighter.
858
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,367
What the hell is he doing?
859
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:07,720
Nothing on three.
I don't know.
860
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:08,921
Oh, no.
861
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:11,801
Oh, no.
862
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,646
Vivian, would you
please get IT in here?
863
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,446
Oy vey.
864
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:20,285
What up, bitches?
865
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:21,441
You fix computers?
866
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:22,561
Hell yeah!
867
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,440
I may be sociopathic gangster, but
I'm still Asian, motherfuckers!
868
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:28,167
What?
869
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:30,766
No, no, no, I really don't think you
should be messing around with...
870
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:31,966
Finished!
871
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:34,445
Excellent.
872
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:36,646
Thank you.
873
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,049
We're back up, people.
874
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,170
Oh, come on, Zach!
That not cool.
875
00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:46,241
(LAUGHING)
876
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,084
Excuse me.
You may leave now.
877
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:50,083
What, I get no tip?
No.
878
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,288
I take cash, credit, no cheque.
879
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:53,520
But I'll take a bump of coke.
880
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,131
All right, get the hell out of here.
Chop-chop!
881
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,561
(SIGHS)
882
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,567
What to do, what to do?
883
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:03,961
You wanna get the ratings up?
884
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,086
I got one word for you,
885
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,170
bromance.
886
00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:14,405
That's not a real word.
887
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,325
You wanna give
these districts a story?
888
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,403
Well, you need to
keep these guys together.
889
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,001
Not separate.
890
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,286
Hmm.
891
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,448
I got one word for you,
892
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:34,361
heroin.
893
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,646
"Heroin" is the one word?
894
00:45:38,720 --> 00:45:39,767
No.
895
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,207
I'm just really looking for some.
You holding?
896
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:43,486
I'm sorry.
897
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,523
I got one word for you,
898
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,086
dicksauce.
899
00:45:49,240 --> 00:45:51,368
"Dicksauce"? "Dicksauce"
is the one word?
900
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:52,726
You can't buy that shit.
901
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,963
Well, thank you. Your time
here has been so valuable.
902
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,246
(SHOUTS)
903
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:04,723
Bromance. Hmm.
904
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:10,447
(PANTING)
905
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,045
Hey, hey, hey.
906
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,890
Is that water?
907
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,448
Fuck it, I'm thirsty as hell!
908
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:20,922
Don't put your mouth on that.
It's gross.
909
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,490
Do you think it's filtered?
910
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,246
Really?
911
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:25,561
I only drink bottled water.
912
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,447
Didn't you just have shit in your mouth?
All right! Fine!
913
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,727
I didn't intentionally
have shit in my mouth.
914
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,127
It tastes a lot like blood, though.
(SPITTING)
915
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,247
What?
916
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,846
MAN OVER PA: Check, check.
Hot mic. Hot mic.
917
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,287
Attention, everyone.
Attention.
918
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,887
There has been
a change in the rules.
919
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:46,284
Yes, from now on, multiple
victors may be crowned
920
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:50,763
if they survive the Games
and share a long-standing bond
921
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,526
of exceptional male bromance.
922
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:54,966
They can do that?
923
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,691
Yes, I am allowed to do this.
924
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,241
I can do whatever the fuck I want,
I'm a motherfucking Gamesman!
925
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:01,321
Noted.
926
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,562
So good luck to you all
927
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,928
and may the probabilities
be ever to your liking.
928
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,001
So that means we can
all get out of this alive.
929
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,288
All we have to do is find Doug and
930
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,641
Zach! Zach! Zach! Zach!
BRADLEY: We're sorry, buddy!
931
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,240
Zach!
932
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,650
Where are you, man?
933
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,004
You dropped your glasses.
934
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:29,241
Hey, quick question.
935
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,531
If they can just change
the rules at anytime,
936
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,206
why don't they just pick who they
want to win and make it happen?
937
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:37,924
This is confusing to me.
938
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,241
Don't worry about it, man.
It's just a plot hole.
939
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,769
Hold on a sec.
What?
940
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,291
Zach said they used these birds
941
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,731
to find each other in the book.
942
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:48,882
Like by whistling to them.
Hmm.
943
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:50,765
Worth a shot.
944
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:54,045
(WHISTLING)
945
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:58,567
Yeah, that worked.
946
00:47:58,640 --> 00:47:59,687
Shut up.
947
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:01,241
All right, one more time.
Damn it.
948
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:02,486
Sure, I'll help.
949
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:04,650
(BOTH WHISTLING)
950
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:07,403
TALKING JAY: Suck my bird cock!
951
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:08,720
Come on!
Really?
952
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,803
Marco! Marco!
953
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:12,246
We don't have time for this!
954
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:13,600
Marco!
955
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,088
Why couldn't you just say, "Polo"?
956
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:18,611
There you are.
957
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:20,170
Listen, not that I give a hoot,
958
00:48:20,240 --> 00:48:24,086
but your fat friend Zach's about a
half mile away from here with Katnip.
959
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:25,286
How do you know?
960
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:26,805
A little birdie told me.
961
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:31,329
And by a little birdie, I mean a
chickadee who gave me a beakjob.
962
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,051
You want to find
this overgrown garden gnome?
963
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,169
Yeah. And Katnip.
And stop fucking yelling, man.
964
00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:48,565
TALKING JAY: Anyway, that's why I'm not
allowed to go near schools any more.
965
00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:51,051
Good to know.
966
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:52,281
Yeah!
967
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,048
You guys!
Oh. my God!
968
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:56,645
I missed you guys so much!
969
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:01,650
Yeah. Okay.
970
00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:02,846
Where's Katnip?
971
00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:04,730
She's over there.
972
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,969
You've got the talking jay!
973
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:12,362
Sorry, Bradley, but this guy just
made me crap down your shirt.
974
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,207
Everything he says is so foul!
Yeah, he says disgusting stuff.
975
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:16,281
Come on!
976
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:18,840
Where are we going?
Fuck.
977
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:24,561
Ooh.
978
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,207
Maybe I should tell her I'm...
979
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,484
No, no, I should not.
980
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:37,041
(SIGHS)
981
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,290
Wow, yeah, this is not...
982
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,247
This isn't pervy at all.
Yes, it is.
983
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,048
Hey! Perverted ass cracker!
984
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:48,481
Hey!
985
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:51,163
Trees are nice here.
986
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:52,287
Ed!
987
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:55,449
Oh, my God, you're okay!
988
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:56,601
Hey!
989
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:00,241
Oh...
990
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:05,842
Um, that is a respect boner. A
boner achieved out of respect.
991
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:06,967
Um...
992
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:09,601
You know I'm 17, right?
La, la, la!
993
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,682
What? I can't hear you!
It just got real loud in here!
994
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:12,807
Hey, guys. hell.
995
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:13,967
Hi.
996
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,360
No sign of Doug?
997
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:16,720
Nope. Nothing.
998
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,170
Wait a minute.
999
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:23,160
He came with your district. You were
the last one to see him at the arena.
1000
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:25,686
Do you have any idea where he went?
1001
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:31,086
Well, do you feel like telling us?
1002
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,771
Okay, I've had about enough of this.
Hey, hey, hey, come on!
1003
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,207
That's like a triple hate crime.
1004
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:39,527
Hey.
1005
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,289
They're just looking
for their friend.
1006
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:44,681
Do you want to tell them?
For me?
1007
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:47,924
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1008
00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:58,006
You got Norsed!
1009
00:50:58,640 --> 00:50:59,687
Shit!
1010
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,091
What the hell is wrong with you?
1011
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:05,367
Oh, shit!
1012
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,130
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1013
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,161
That took awhile. Who wants
to go get margaritas?
1014
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,442
What the frick do we do now?
1015
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,010
I don't know, Zach,
it's been a while since
1016
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:19,650
I've had to battle
the God of Thunder!
1017
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:24,440
Hey, blondie!
1018
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:26,649
Pick on someone your own size!
1019
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:29,840
(CHOKING)
1020
00:51:32,720 --> 00:51:34,643
Yeah! Nice shot, Ed!
1021
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,647
I just killed a god.
Did you guys see...
1022
00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:39,767
Oh, shit.
1023
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:44,201
Hey.
1024
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:46,969
You okay? Come on, wake up.
1025
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:49,962
You're a doctor, right?
You can help her.
1026
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,210
I'm a dentist.
1027
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:54,251
Check her teeth.
1028
00:51:59,320 --> 00:51:59,559
ZACH: ♪ Ave Maria
1029
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,928
ZACH: ♪ Ave Maria
1030
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:12,522
♪ Gratia plena ♪
1031
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,962
You guys wanna hear some Wu-Tang?
1032
00:52:21,720 --> 00:52:23,245
She was so young.
1033
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:24,891
What a waste.
1034
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:27,367
There, buddy.
1035
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,562
She had so much ahead for her.
1036
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,120
Her first kiss.
1037
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,085
Her first handjob.
1038
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:36,244
Her first bukkake.
1039
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,564
Unless you guys wanna
give her a send-off.
1040
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,324
No.
Wow.
1041
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:44,770
She's at peace.
1042
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,168
Or in some dark, endless abyss.
1043
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:55,281
Wait.
1044
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,969
We need to pay our respects.
1045
00:52:58,360 --> 00:52:59,691
With a salute.
1046
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,085
Two in the pink.
1047
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:12,211
One in the stink.
1048
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,520
ALL: Forever.
1049
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:33,963
Can I ask you a serious question?
1050
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:35,730
Yeah, anything, man.
1051
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:38,804
Which one's the pink
and which one's the stink?
1052
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:40,810
Because they're both pinkish.
1053
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,484
And they both stink.
1054
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:44,167
Yeah.
1055
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,328
Remember when I told you
to ask me anything?
1056
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:48,200
Forget I said that.
1057
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:49,725
You don't know, do you?
1058
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,720
MAN OVER PA: Hello. Attention,
everyone. Attention.
1059
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,122
It is my profound pleasure
1060
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:58,328
to invite you all to
1061
00:53:58,480 --> 00:53:59,561
a feast!
1062
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:00,727
Feast?
1063
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,287
And this will be no
ordinary occasion.
1064
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:05,926
We know that you
all want something
1065
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,809
and you want it bad.
1066
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:11,130
And we are aiming
to be very generous hosts.
1067
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:15,081
Now, there will be some
weapons available,
1068
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:19,449
but I strongly suggest
that you all BYO weapon.
1069
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,045
Because I don't wanna get blamed
1070
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:22,611
if we run out like the last time.
1071
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:23,647
That was embarrassing.
1072
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:24,801
Oh!
1073
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:29,329
I also really need
someone to bring ice.
1074
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,687
I had a sign-up
sheet at the Reaping.
1075
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,047
Nobody fucking chose ice.
What's the big deal?
1076
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,522
Come on, somebody.
Be a rock star. Own it.
1077
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,489
Ice, out.
1078
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,002
Has anyone seen
a 7-Eleven out here?
1079
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,130
Attention, everyone.
Attention.
1080
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:50,888
We are looking for a competitor
named Harry Ballsonya.
1081
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:52,891
Harry Ballsonya?
1082
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,124
Please report to the
control room immediately.
1083
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:58,806
I repeat, Harry Ballsonya.
1084
00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:00,724
This will be the...
(ALL GIGGLING)
1085
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,326
Oh, damn it!
Who did this?
1086
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,644
Making me look like
a fucking asshole!
1087
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:10,291
(SHUSHING)
1088
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:20,002
We really should have brought ice.
1089
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:21,760
Don't worry about it.
1090
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:22,887
Hey!
1091
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:24,730
Is that a cell phone?
1092
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:30,204
Maybe we can use it to call the wedding.
Stall them or something.
1093
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:31,725
I'm on it.
Hey!
1094
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,930
I wouldn't do that.
1095
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,048
See those lumps of dirt?
1096
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:38,011
Dog poops.
1097
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:39,491
Landmines.
1098
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:43,646
If you guys are gonna get through
this, you better watch your step.
1099
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:45,007
Check it out.
1100
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:02,723
Hey, when you said, "you guys,"
1101
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,368
are you not coming with us?
1102
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,884
I need to go find
Tonto and kill him,
1103
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:11,130
but this is for you.
1104
00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:12,886
Mm-hmm.
1105
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:16,884
Yeah, if you...
1106
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,961
If you just wait,
we'll go with you.
1107
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:22,008
We can protect you.
1108
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:23,570
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1109
00:56:24,720 --> 00:56:25,767
Awww.
1110
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:29,921
Oh, you're serious.
1111
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:31,207
Yeah.
1112
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,770
Look, the only reason I don't
want you guys coming with me
1113
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,968
is because you would
completely fuck it up.
1114
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:38,849
No of fence.
Oh.
1115
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:40,527
Okay.
1116
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,682
I really do love you.
1117
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,284
Frankly, I'm surprised
you're still alive.
1118
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,084
Okay, got it.
1119
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:50,640
Bye, Ed.
1120
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:54,804
Yup, bye, Katnip.
1121
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,684
Be safe.
Yeah.
1122
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:02,490
Try not to die.
1123
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,769
Sorry, buddy.
She'll be back.
1124
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,001
Mm-hmm.
Although unless she has a birthday
1125
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:15,605
in the next couple of hours,
she'll still be 17.
1126
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:17,724
Yeah, got it.
1127
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:20,806
I know we're in a futuristic
dystopia and everything,
1128
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:22,609
but jailbait is jailbait, brother.
1129
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:25,889
Yeah, what dating site did you
get her from? J-Bait?
1130
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:27,281
Get it?
1131
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:29,687
Not now, Zach.
But good one.
1132
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:32,290
Hey! Hey!
1133
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:34,850
What the fuck are you doing?
1134
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:36,604
What Katnip would do.
1135
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:38,527
(EXCLAIMS)
1136
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:40,682
Okay, I'm good.
Oh, shit.
1137
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:43,291
God damn it.
1138
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:08,847
What?
1139
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:13,201
What?
1140
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:21,087
Oh.
1141
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:24,121
Hi.
1142
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:29,647
You mind if I just grab a weapon?
1143
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:41,046
(SCREAMS)
1144
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,162
It's too bad you couldn't
help your friend.
1145
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:46,730
A generic straight man.
What was his name?
1146
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:47,847
Doug.
1147
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,003
And he's not a straight man.
1148
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,891
Well, he's probably long dead.
1149
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:54,166
And soon,
1150
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,050
you'll be long dead, too.
1151
00:58:58,480 --> 00:58:59,527
(SCREAMING)
1152
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:01,410
This is for threatening my friend!
1153
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:03,921
This is for being a bitch
to me in the woods!
1154
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:05,963
This is for calling my
hometown "Podunk"!
1155
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:08,407
This is for not returning my sexts!
1156
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,484
And this is for ruining the prom!
1157
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:13,281
Yeah!
1158
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:16,449
Holy fucking shit.
1159
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:18,648
You just brutally
murdered a young girl.
1160
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:19,921
Yeah.
1161
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,571
And the weird thing is I thought
it would take more hits.
1162
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:24,369
But I guess you live and learn.
1163
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:27,883
Or at least, she doesn't.
Am I right? Am I right?
1164
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,007
Yeah, whatever you say.
1165
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:30,127
Of course.
1166
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:33,889
All right, look, we can still
get out of this thing.
1167
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:36,042
We just gotta get this
bromance thing back in gear.
1168
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,168
Oh, be careful! Oh, Jesus.
1169
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:43,128
If you were Doug,
where would you be?
1170
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:45,641
Maybe these guys
can help us find him.
1171
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:49,564
Hey, little buddies.
1172
00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:52,323
How are my favourite
imitation puppets doing?
1173
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:54,567
Oh, fuck! My hammie, again!
Kick his ass!
1174
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:56,005
Let's fuck him up!
1175
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,970
Wait, wait! I thought you puppets
were the good guys! What the fuck?
1176
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:00,770
We used to be.
1177
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,411
Yeah, but now we've
stared death in the face.
1178
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:07,726
We've seen the depths of human suffering.
And we're already dead inside.
1179
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:08,847
Yeah.
1180
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:09,921
That's awful.
1181
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:11,041
My God, I'm sorry.
1182
01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:13,964
Come on, you bitch!
Yeah, you scared coward!
1183
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:16,042
You're not man
enough to fuck with me!
1184
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,327
You wouldn't last two minutes
in my world, you bitch!
1185
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:20,209
Is that the Mike Tyson rant?
1186
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:22,049
Fuck you.
Fuck you, you ho.
1187
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:25,370
I'll fuck your ass in front of everybody!
Yeah, that's definitely the Tyson.
1188
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:27,524
Enough talk!
Kill them!
1189
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:29,925
(ALL CLAMOURING)
1190
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:37,770
(SCREAMING)
1191
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:53,961
A mine is a terrible
thing to waste.
1192
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:56,809
That was actually
a pretty good one, Zach.
1193
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:57,881
Yeah?
Yeah.
1194
01:00:58,000 --> 01:00:59,843
At least that was
just my reader copy.
1195
01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:01,604
Guys, a little help?
1196
01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:04,126
You four-eyed fuck.
You see this coming?
1197
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:06,201
(SCREAMS)
1198
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:09,562
Fuck me!
Right in the smarts!
1199
01:01:10,160 --> 01:01:11,730
That's painful!
1200
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:13,040
But also hilarious.
1201
01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:14,486
(MOANING)
1202
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:21,050
That's my girl!
1203
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:31,124
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, you're hurt!
1204
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,722
You should see the other guy.
1205
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:34,847
You killed Tonto?
1206
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:35,921
Yeah.
1207
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,924
Come on, we need to get you in the shade.
Can you walk?
1208
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,970
It's okay, I got you.
I got you, I got you.
1209
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:44,130
Move! Move!
1210
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:45,561
It's okay.
1211
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,487
You all right?
You're gonna be okay.
1212
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:50,927
It's okay, I got you.
I got you.
1213
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,647
I got you. There you go.
1214
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,210
You're gonna be okay. It's all
right, it's not that bad.
1215
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,249
(SHUSHING)
Ed, it's okay.
1216
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,322
No, no, no, it's not okay!
You need help.
1217
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,971
Ed, one of us had to die.
1218
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:05,566
Well, I wish it was me.
1219
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:06,841
Me, too.
1220
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:08,361
What?
1221
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:09,441
Sorry.
1222
01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:11,841
That slipped out. Sorry.
Yeah, that came out real fast.
1223
01:02:11,920 --> 01:02:13,331
It's okay.
1224
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:14,401
Um...
1225
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:15,606
Speaking of,
1226
01:02:16,600 --> 01:02:17,681
since...
1227
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:22,807
Since this is it for me,
do you want to see them?
1228
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:25,286
See what?
1229
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:28,563
My boobs, dummy.
1230
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:31,841
I...
1231
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:34,361
I would. Very much.
1232
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:35,927
Okay.
1233
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,764
I know you've been
waiting for this.
1234
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:51,805
Pretty nice, huh?
1235
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:53,725
Unbelievable.
1236
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:56,241
Wow.
1237
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:58,285
No tan lines.
1238
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,482
Unbelievable.
1239
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:04,403
But if he'd move a little bit,
I could see them better.
1240
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:06,524
Ed?
Yeah, yeah.
1241
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:11,249
The light is starting to fade.
1242
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:16,249
Will you look deep into
my eyes as I fade away?
1243
01:03:17,640 --> 01:03:19,324
Absolutely, Katnip.
1244
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:27,126
Ed, up here.
1245
01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:28,526
Yeah? I'm sorry. I love them.
1246
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:31,001
I mean, I love you.
I love all of you.
1247
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:33,480
I know.
1248
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:35,761
Goodbye.
1249
01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:38,361
I'll...
1250
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:41,609
I'll see you soon enough.
1251
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:44,726
Okay.
1252
01:03:51,600 --> 01:03:53,204
Wait, what's that supposed to mean?
1253
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:54,361
Katnip?
1254
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:57,205
Hey, do you know something
I don't? Am I next?
1255
01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:58,810
(CANNON BLAST)
1256
01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:07,804
Yeah, she's dead, that'd be weird.
1257
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:09,359
That'd be weird. I'm sorry.
1258
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,081
I think it's time we made the call.
1259
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:27,766
(PHONE RINGING)
1260
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:34,931
Tracey, it's Bradley.
1261
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:38,601
MAN: I don't know who you
are or what you want.
1262
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:40,921
Fuck, I think I dialled
the wrong number.
1263
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:44,925
What I do have are
a particular set of skills.
1264
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:48,000
If you give my daughter
back to me now,
1265
01:04:48,520 --> 01:04:50,010
that'll be the end of it.
1266
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:51,611
But if you don't...
1267
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:52,681
Okay.
1268
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:53,761
I will...
(ENDS CALL)
1269
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:55,041
Crazy.
1270
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:58,526
Definitely not Tracey.
Let me try again.
1271
01:04:58,800 --> 01:04:59,926
(PHONE RINGING)
1272
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:05,521
Hello?
1273
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:06,601
Tracey, it's Bradley.
1274
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:09,443
Hey, man, what's wrong?
1275
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:12,170
I don't know.
1276
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:14,607
The first girl lever
loved just died.
1277
01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:17,763
I watched you murder a girl
with your bare hands.
1278
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,330
We're as good as dead.
1279
01:05:19,400 --> 01:05:22,483
And the worst part is
we lost our best friend.
1280
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:24,164
That's what's wrong.
1281
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:28,563
I can't help but accept some
responsibility for this.
1282
01:05:28,720 --> 01:05:30,961
Yeah, no, I blame you
for the majority of it.
1283
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:34,562
Seriously? I mucked
up the bachelor party.
1284
01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:37,564
I got us stuck in some
weird alternate universe.
1285
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,640
This whole thing just went
right down the tubes!
1286
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:44,288
I didn't even get to be a part
of the Human effing Centipede.
1287
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:46,890
What did you just say?
1288
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,042
I don't care how awkward it is,
1289
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:51,282
sharing a gastric system
is a life experience.
1290
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,323
I could have scrapbooked about it.
1291
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:55,164
No, no, before that.
1292
01:05:55,960 --> 01:05:59,931
This whole thing
went down the tubes.
1293
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:07,001
Doug!
1294
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,004
Are you having a flashback montage?
1295
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:14,284
The tubes! I know
where Doug is! Bradley!
1296
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:15,527
Where are you guys?
What's going on?
1297
01:06:15,640 --> 01:06:16,721
Bradley!
1298
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:19,969
Bradley? Bradley?
1299
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:21,206
Bradley? Bradley?
1300
01:06:21,720 --> 01:06:23,210
Hey, Tracey! It's Ed!
1301
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:27,410
Ed! Ed, what in the H-E-double
hockey sticks is going on?
1302
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:29,403
We're gonna go pick
up Doug right now,
1303
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:32,370
so don't you worry your pretty
little man face about it.
1304
01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:34,283
Okay, but we gotta go.
We'll see you real soon, bye!
1305
01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:35,691
What the fuck, man?
1306
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,603
I know where Doug is!
Come on! Go!
1307
01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:39,364
Let's go, let's go!
1308
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,487
Hello? Hello?
1309
01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:47,559
This is it!
Doug's tube never came up!
1310
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:51,126
What?
1311
01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:54,291
Well, if he's not down there,
where the hell is he?
1312
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:57,289
Okay, let's face it.
1313
01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:58,407
Doug's not in the tube.
1314
01:06:58,480 --> 01:07:01,245
There was no sign of him in the arena.
He is gone.
1315
01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:02,446
That is a fact.
1316
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,126
You fucking idiots!
1317
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:08,680
(ALL GROANING)
1318
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:10,000
God fucking damn it!
1319
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:11,326
Jesus!
1320
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,847
That bush is angry!
1321
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:16,970
I'm not "that bush," you
bearded piece of afterbirth!
1322
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:18,280
It's me! Doug!
1323
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:19,970
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1324
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:22,961
Shut up! All you guys,
just shut the fuck up!
1325
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:27,766
You guys forget me
all the fucking time!
1326
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,770
In Vegas! In this fucked-up
alternate universe!
1327
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:32,285
Yeah.
1328
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:33,961
I'm barely in the
goddamn movie trailer!
1329
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,321
It's true, I don't even
think he's on the poster.
1330
01:07:36,400 --> 01:07:38,402
I never get any punchlines,
1331
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:43,327
and you keep leaving me
in enclosed fucking places!
1332
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:47,321
You think maybe we can talk to
you about this at sea level?
1333
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:48,811
Not this time.
1334
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:53,010
This time, I get the last laugh.
1335
01:07:53,160 --> 01:07:55,208
Jeez, dude!
Wait, wait, wait!
1336
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,521
You're right!
You're right! We're sorry.
1337
01:07:57,640 --> 01:07:59,483
We haven't given
you your proper due.
1338
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:02,803
You are the perfect blend
of handsome and humourless.
1339
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,650
Without you, there are no jokes.
1340
01:08:04,760 --> 01:08:06,410
Hell, without you, there is no us.
1341
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:08,404
You may be a gay man,
1342
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:12,562
but you are the best damn
straight man we've ever met.
1343
01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:17,881
Ah!
1344
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:20,728
I could never murder you guys.
1345
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:21,881
(ALL SIGH)
1346
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:22,961
You!
1347
01:08:23,120 --> 01:08:24,121
Wait here one second.
1348
01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:26,690
(ALL GRUNTING)
1349
01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:30,645
You guys!
1350
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:32,365
That worked great!
1351
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:35,161
I'm so glad you're alive, man!
1352
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:36,890
Bradley, bring it in!
1353
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,526
You guys, this is just perfect.
1354
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:46,126
Nothing could possibly
ruin this moment.
1355
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:48,807
MAN OVER PA:
Hello out there, everybody.
1356
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:51,087
Hey, remember that earlier
1357
01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:53,561
"bromance revision"
I was telling you guys about?
1358
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:55,768
Well, you can forget about that.
1359
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:59,049
There's only gonna be one
winner of the Hungover Games.
1360
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:03,888
So if you're a foursome of dudes
who recently bro-conciled,
1361
01:09:04,200 --> 01:09:05,804
you're gonna have
to kill each other.
1362
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:07,450
You're just gonna have
to fight to the death.
1363
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:10,001
I'm sorry, I don't
make up the rules.
1364
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:12,082
Wait, I do.
1365
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:14,123
I do make up the rules.
1366
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:15,964
Suckers!
1367
01:09:16,120 --> 01:09:18,726
Well, good luck and
may the odds be forever
1368
01:09:18,840 --> 01:09:21,491
in your blah-blah-blah,
et cetera, et cetera.
1369
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:23,610
This is gonna be good.
1370
01:09:24,560 --> 01:09:26,289
Nope. No way.
1371
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:31,809
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1372
01:10:04,440 --> 01:10:07,205
Wait, why are all these
weapons shaped like dicks?
1373
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:11,251
All right, listen, guys. Listen up.
Let's talk about this.
1374
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:13,800
I can't die now.
I'm about to get married.
1375
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:15,609
I have a wife and kids at home.
1376
01:10:15,760 --> 01:10:18,491
I just lost Katnip!
She was my everything.
1377
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:19,925
She was also very much underage.
1378
01:10:20,040 --> 01:10:21,371
DOUG: Seriously?
1379
01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:25,366
Ed, buddy, there are laws against that.
You can't statutory rape your soulmate.
1380
01:10:25,480 --> 01:10:28,609
Jeepers creepers!
You guys, don't you remember?
1381
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:29,846
We're a brotherhood!
1382
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:32,048
You heard the announcement.
It's every man for himself.
1383
01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:34,487
No! I have an idea.
1384
01:10:34,960 --> 01:10:36,530
We all need to eat these.
1385
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:38,801
They're Midnight Berries.
It's the only way to end this.
1386
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:41,321
That is what got us into this
mess in the first place.
1387
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:43,528
Yeah, these berries would kill us.
1388
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:46,570
But the Capitol won't
even let us swallow them.
1389
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:49,485
They'd rather have four
winners than no winner.
1390
01:10:49,560 --> 01:10:51,847
So before we even
get these in our mouths
1391
01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:53,604
they'll cancel the whole thing.
1392
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:55,409
You have to trust me.
1393
01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:56,686
Absolutely not.
1394
01:10:56,760 --> 01:10:59,286
Doubt me all you want,
but don't doubt
1395
01:10:59,400 --> 01:11:01,880
my knowledge of
young adult fiction.
1396
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:07,321
I'm in.
1397
01:11:07,480 --> 01:11:08,527
What?
1398
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:10,321
Me, too.
1399
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:12,246
Really?
1400
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:16,161
Fine.
1401
01:11:17,560 --> 01:11:18,800
Me, too. I'm in.
1402
01:11:20,960 --> 01:11:22,689
But only because
I love you guys.
1403
01:11:23,160 --> 01:11:24,241
Okay.
1404
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:26,964
On the count of three.
1405
01:11:28,560 --> 01:11:29,561
One.
1406
01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:30,841
Two.
1407
01:11:31,080 --> 01:11:32,366
Three.
1408
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:43,569
What do we do now?
1409
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:53,529
Come on!
Kinda tasty.
1410
01:11:56,760 --> 01:11:58,000
(GAGGING)
1411
01:11:59,120 --> 01:12:02,488
Zach, you dumb motherfucker!
1412
01:12:14,320 --> 01:12:15,651
What the...
1413
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:17,167
Morning.
1414
01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:18,681
You guys sleep well?
1415
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:19,841
Yeah.
1416
01:12:20,040 --> 01:12:21,371
Pretty well.
1417
01:12:23,200 --> 01:12:24,884
Anyone have floss?
1418
01:12:25,200 --> 01:12:28,090
I think I've got Midnight Berry
seeds stuck in my teeth.
1419
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:29,846
Wait, wait.
What time is it?
1420
01:12:31,320 --> 01:12:32,685
It's 10:00 a.m.
1421
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:34,165
We'll never make the wedding.
1422
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:35,887
Wanna bet?
1423
01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:40,968
You guys think you can take me
out of the straitjacket now?
1424
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:44,204
Guys, I am just so pumped to be
a real member of this group.
1425
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:46,646
It's so cool you're gonna let me
have more lines in the next movie.
1426
01:12:46,720 --> 01:12:47,926
That's right, yeah.
Totally gonna happen.
1427
01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:51,480
Yeah, more lines, definitely.
(TYRES SCREECH)
1428
01:12:52,280 --> 01:12:54,965
Come with me if you want
to attend a gay wedding.
1429
01:12:57,560 --> 01:13:00,723
Sorry. Getting here
was a real bloodbath.
1430
01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:02,491
What the fucksticks, you guys?
1431
01:13:02,560 --> 01:13:03,607
Honey,
1432
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:05,808
I am so, so, so sorry.
1433
01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:08,884
You had better have a good
explanation for this.
1434
01:13:09,240 --> 01:13:12,005
Trace, the last three days
were, without a doubt,
1435
01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:16,165
the most backwards, fucked up,
inexplicable experience of my entire life.
1436
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:18,368
I saw brutal death.
1437
01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:22,407
I saw murderous talking
puppets. I saw gay Thor.
1438
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:25,488
But all I could think about was you.
1439
01:13:27,160 --> 01:13:28,730
Can you forgive me?
1440
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:31,281
Well,
1441
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:35,443
boys will be boys.
1442
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:42,121
So are we gonna
talk about last night?
1443
01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:43,601
Okay.
1444
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:46,801
Whatever the hell we think happened,
it obviously didn't really happen.
1445
01:13:46,840 --> 01:13:49,491
Zach just got in our heads
with that dumb book of his,
1446
01:13:49,560 --> 01:13:52,040
so just forget about it
and move on.
1447
01:13:52,400 --> 01:13:55,802
I'm over it, too. I'm onto
Fifty Shades now.
1448
01:13:56,720 --> 01:13:59,326
This rich guy is erotic.
1449
01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:02,522
You know what?
You guys are wrong.
1450
01:14:02,600 --> 01:14:04,523
Over the course of
one day, I loved,
1451
01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:07,968
I lost, and I almost died,
like, 10 times.
1452
01:14:08,120 --> 01:14:09,690
You also ate a boatload of shit.
1453
01:14:09,760 --> 01:14:11,091
Thank you for the reminder.
1454
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:13,288
But thankfully, it wasn't real.
1455
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:14,771
You gotta let it go, man.
1456
01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:17,320
You know what?
You can believe what you want,
1457
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:20,483
but I know my connection
with that girl was real.
1458
01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:23,602
There's a lot of wiener
in this book.
1459
01:14:24,320 --> 01:14:26,482
But I'm not mad about it.
1460
01:14:27,120 --> 01:14:31,125
This probably would make
a really good TV movie.
1461
01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:35,162
Get Alyssa Milano.
1462
01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:38,721
Oh.
1463
01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:40,245
Sorry.
1464
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:41,845
So sorry about that.
It's been a bit of a...
1465
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:43,285
Don't worry about it.
1466
01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:47,611
Wedding's that way.
1467
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:49,446
(LAUGHS)
1468
01:14:49,760 --> 01:14:52,764
Well, it was nice bumping into you.
1469
01:14:58,040 --> 01:14:59,166
Hey, bud.
1470
01:14:59,920 --> 01:15:01,081
We gotta go.
1471
01:15:01,160 --> 01:15:02,685
I know. Do you...
1472
01:15:03,240 --> 01:15:05,129
What are you stammering about?
1473
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:09,007
MAN: We are gathered here
today to celebrate the pure
1474
01:15:09,640 --> 01:15:11,449
and magical love of
1475
01:15:11,560 --> 01:15:15,246
these two deeply,
deeply passionate men.
1476
01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:18,923
Guys, that's her. I swear
to God, she's right there.
1477
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,490
Stop, man. There is no her.
1478
01:15:20,560 --> 01:15:22,369
Yeah...
Do I need to set you up with a shrink?
1479
01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:23,441
I'm telling you, she's...
1480
01:15:23,520 --> 01:15:24,521
Dude.
1481
01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:25,886
Enough.
Fine.
1482
01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:27,605
Letting it go.
1483
01:15:27,880 --> 01:15:29,530
Thank you.
MAN: Some people say
1484
01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:32,409
love is nothing but a battlefield.
1485
01:15:33,000 --> 01:15:34,161
Not me.
1486
01:15:34,480 --> 01:15:37,962
These days, people don't view
marriage as something to enjoy.
1487
01:15:38,120 --> 01:15:41,203
They view it as
something to survive.
1488
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:43,761
So Doug, Tracey,
1489
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:45,684
with that, I say
1490
01:15:45,840 --> 01:15:50,209
may the odds be
ever in your favour.
1491
01:15:52,400 --> 01:15:54,209
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1492
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:35,283
This tree has a vagina.
1493
01:21:38,960 --> 01:21:40,291
(LAUGHING)