1 00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:40,706 (CHALK SCRATCHING) 2 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,112 (CHILD LAUGHING) 3 00:01:25,718 --> 00:01:27,252 (RUSTLING) 4 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,188 MALCOLM: Why isn't this stupid thing workin'? 5 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,622 See, that's that bullshit. 6 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,091 I'm taking this shit right back to Best Buy. 7 00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,260 Or not. 8 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,096 Stupid lens cap. 9 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,098 Wow! 10 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,232 Brand-new camera. 11 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,367 I'm filming everything with this. 12 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:45,471 Christmas, New Year's, vagina. 13 00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:49,374 All right. Today is the big day. 14 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,577 My girlfriend Kisha's moving in. 15 00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,612 Now, all my boys keep telling me, "Don't do it, don't do it, 16 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,647 "because everything's gonna change. 17 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,149 "She's gonna take over your house. 18 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:58,183 "She's never gonna cook again. 19 00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,551 "And worst of all, 20 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,787 "you're putting your dick in jail." 21 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,455 I think they're trippin'. 22 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,225 Once she moves in, everything's gonna be perfect. 23 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,726 Place looks nice. 24 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,528 Baby boy cleaned up for you, huh? 25 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,296 (THUDS) Oh, shit! 26 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,664 Rosa! 27 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,233 (SHOUTING IN SPANISH) 28 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,834 Hey, you gotta announce yourself. 29 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,736 You can't just creep up on me. (SPANISH CONTINUES) 30 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,538 Aw, come on. This is my housekeeper, Rosa. 31 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,807 Say hi. Say hi. Say hi! 32 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,642 Hi! Hola. Say "Hola." Hola. 33 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,776 Bye-bye! 34 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:28,614 (SPEAKING SPANISH) (SPEAKING FAKE SPANISH) 35 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,249 Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay! 36 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,217 Do this. Oh! 37 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,619 I'm a big bambino? 38 00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,622 (SPANISH) 39 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,457 You know I love you. (DOG BARKING) 40 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:41,193 Hey, Shiloh! Say hi to Mommy. 41 00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,729 I'm gonna hump you on your leg, Kisha. That's right. 42 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,364 And I'm gonna lick you all over your face 43 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,432 with my dog-ball mouth. 44 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,767 (LAUGHS) 45 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,602 (HORN HONKING) Oh, shit. Here she comes. 46 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:51,737 Hi, baby! 47 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:52,938 Hey, baby! Hi! 48 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,439 (BARKING) 49 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,341 No, no, Shiloh! Wait! No, no, no, no! 50 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,277 (LOUD THUD) Shiloh! What did you do? 51 00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,645 I didn't see him! What did you do? 52 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:00,712 I'm so sorry. 53 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:02,714 Oh, my God! (SCREAMS) (SHOUTING) 54 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,750 Shiloh, come on, breathe. 55 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:05,851 Maybe he's just playing dead. 56 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,920 He doesn't know how to play dead. 57 00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:10,422 He knows how to shake hands. He knows how to fetch. 58 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,491 He knows how to roll over. 59 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,492 He don't know how to play dead. 60 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,194 Come on, Shiloh, breathe. 61 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,329 One, two, three. Breathe. 62 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,331 KISHA: Aww! (PANTING) 63 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,866 Give me the jumper cables. The jumper cables? 64 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,235 Give me the goddamn jumper cables! 65 00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,803 Don't you die on me! 66 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,972 Start the car! (SPARKING) 67 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,874 Clear! Go! 68 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,309 (ENGINE REVS) Oh, shit! 69 00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,744 (CRYING) 70 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,246 (WAILING) 71 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:34,947 Meet me at the hospital! 72 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:37,749 (BAWLING) 73 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,651 The hospital's that way! 74 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,886 Don't go towards the light, Shiloh! 75 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:46,425 (SOBS) You're in a better place now, buddy. 76 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,893 KISHA: I'm so, so sorry. 77 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,596 It's okay, baby. 78 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,432 It's... It's not your fault. Yes, it is. 79 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,268 You know, look... Look on the bright side. 80 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,237 I'm allergic to dogs. 81 00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,539 I know, but that's what was so great about Shiloh. 82 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,809 He was hypoallergenic. 83 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:07,746 Shiloh! 84 00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,582 (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 85 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,753 (LOUD SOBBING) 86 00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,424 (SOBBING CONTINUES) 87 00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:23,729 Oh, my God! Look at all this shit. 88 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,365 Okay, Malcolm, this is the last box. 89 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:29,001 What's with the camera? 90 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,502 I'm documenting our lives together. 91 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,603 Say hi. 92 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,640 Hi! Okay. Mmm. 93 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,441 That ass lookin' nice, baby. 94 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,710 Hey, hey. Pan up, pan up. I see that. 95 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,579 Baby, you are officially a hoarder. 96 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,481 I swear to God, I'm gonna open one of these boxes 97 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,750 and find, like, a dead cat and an old baloney sandwich in it. 98 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,551 Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. 99 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,654 Oh, my God. Do you need these? 100 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,955 Yes! These are... For what? 101 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,957 These are good wedding shoes! 102 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,526 One to 10, what are you feeling right now about that? 103 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,928 Um, 8.7. 104 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,930 (GRUNTS) What do you feel about that? Nine. Nine. 105 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:02,301 No, wait! Come on. Come on. What's this? Hold on. 106 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,836 This is a box that my aunt brought from Kenya. 107 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:07,606 This is a nine, too. 108 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:08,974 Oh, my God! 109 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,611 Hi, my name is Kisha Davis, and I'm a hoarder. 110 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,082 There's shame. 111 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,719 Oh, wow. 112 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,821 Are these your daddy's ashes? 113 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,424 Yes, Malcolm. They go where I go. 114 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,993 So, we're gonna have his ghost watching over us? 115 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:32,698 Just put him in the other room. He likes to watch TV. 116 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:33,865 He's dead. What's he gonna watch? 117 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,434 American Horror Story? 118 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:39,104 Okay, babe, these video games, they have to go. 119 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,739 Wait. Leave my video games alone. They're tacky. 120 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:45,844 I'm not gonna break it. (SCREAMS) Give me my camera! 121 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,514 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 122 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:54,586 "Negra?"Did she just call me a nigger? 123 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,521 What? What? (SPANISH CONTINUES) 124 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,090 I will lambada your ass! 125 00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,591 English! English! Speak English! 126 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,859 Baby. Baby. Baby! 127 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,861 You know she don't like me, right? 128 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,096 Oh, I know what's going on here. 129 00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:07,766 You got some Schwarzenegger stuff going on in here, right? 130 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,701 Really? Yeah, okay, yeah. 131 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:14,473 Yeah, we're gonna have a nappy-haired baby that speaks perfect Spanish. 132 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,907 (CHUCKLES) Come on. Think about it. (LAUGHS) Okay. 133 00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,111 Mmm. 134 00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,113 Mmm. 135 00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,081 Hungry there, buddy? Mm-hmm. 136 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,783 You're over there eating like the Cookie Monster. 137 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,785 (LAUGHS) 138 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,520 Can I just enjoy my food, please? 139 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,622 Wow. Somebody's crabby. 140 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,493 I'm sorry. I'm just tired. 141 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,763 I haven't been sleeping well. I keep hearing these noises. 142 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,031 Scary. 143 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,834 Well, you don't have to be afraid, okay? 144 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,736 'Cause you're living with me now. 145 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,972 And nobody's gonna hurt you on my watch. 146 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,407 Okay? Okay. 147 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,845 Unless the nigger got a gun. 148 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,514 Then you on your own. 149 00:06:58,484 --> 00:06:59,551 What? 150 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,456 (WOLF WHISTLE) Hey, baby, what you doin'? 151 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:07,859 Well, it's time to put on something a little more comfortable. 152 00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,828 Aha! That's what I'm talkin' about! 153 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,929 (LAUGHING) 154 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,631 Fellas, get out your pen and pads. 155 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,467 We about to give you a sex tutorial. Let's do this. 156 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,736 (R & B SONG PLAYING) 157 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,473 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 158 00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,809 (PANTING) 159 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,211 (MOANING) 160 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,949 Mmm. Oh. 161 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,717 Yeah. 162 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,620 Oh, you got the beat! 163 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,055 Oh! Stop. (SHUDDERING) 164 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,757 Stop. Not yet. Not... Ahh! 165 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,760 (PANTING) 166 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,562 You gonna bring a friend there, huh? 167 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,197 Ah. Ah. 168 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:47,599 Uh-huh? Watch that. Uh-huh. 169 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,935 Now you get some, yeah. Watch. Watch. 170 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,002 Ah, taste that. 171 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,171 Look at Daddy. Uh-huh. 172 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,574 (GRUNTING) 173 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,709 Two dogs, one duck. 174 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,810 Get it nasty. You nasty. 175 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,012 (DUCK HONKING) 176 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:03,582 Go home. 177 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,684 I want you by myself. Yeah. 178 00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,553 (SIZZLING) Shh. 179 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,188 Oh. Oh, shit! That's still hot! 180 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,791 Shut up. Take it. You just take it. 181 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:16,127 (WHEEZING GRUNTS) 182 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,629 Take it, take it, take it. 183 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,731 Baby! Yeah, baby? 184 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:23,869 I cannot believe this is our first night living together! 185 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,871 Yeah. It's nice, huh? Uh-huh. 186 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,772 I can't wait to lie next to you. 187 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,041 Oh, me, too. Gotta go, baby. 188 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,610 (KISSES) It was fun. 189 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,615 Whoo! 190 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,149 Get in. 191 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,284 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 192 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:40,585 Here I come! 193 00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:41,520 Okay, honey. 194 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:49,127 Baby, you are the sexiest woman... 195 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,763 What the hell? 196 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:55,767 You know, Malcolm, not everybody goes to bed looking like a supermodel. 197 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,769 Apparently not. You know? 198 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,304 Besides, what is wrong with my outfit? 199 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,239 Nothin', if you lived in a box underneath the freeway. 200 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,941 What? 201 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,843 Come on! Hold the sign up, please? 202 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,078 (LAUGHING) 203 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,280 Can I go to bed? 204 00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:09,714 No, you gotta get the joke first! 205 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:10,815 Come on. 206 00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:11,950 All right. Okay, fine. 207 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,118 Okay. I'm ready. 208 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,953 All right. Go ahead. 209 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,855 Spare change? (CHANGE RATTLING) 210 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,590 You stupid! 211 00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,240 (KISSES) I love you. Good night. 212 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:47,319 (RUMBLING) 213 00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:50,021 (LOUD FART) 214 00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:55,226 (COUGHING) 215 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,628 God! 216 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:02,167 (GASPING) 217 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,703 How could someone so cute be so stink? 218 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,738 Oh, Jesus Christ! 219 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,874 (LOUD FART) 220 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:13,078 Oh, really? Oh, God! 221 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,281 What crawled up your ass and died? 222 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,682 Shit! 223 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,351 (FARTS) Really? 224 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:20,952 You ain't allowed to move in here and do this shit. 225 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,053 Mm-mmm. 226 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,822 (SPRAYING) Mm-mmm. 227 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,357 (SNIFFS) Ugh! (FARTS) 228 00:10:25,359 --> 00:10:27,659 Aah! (WHIMPERING) 229 00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,929 It's alive! What? (HIGH-PITCHED FART) 230 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,698 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHING) 231 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,034 Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck! 232 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,769 Oh! 233 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,371 (FARTS) I heard that. 234 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,144 So, we didn't have sex last night. 235 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,814 Kisha didn't cook, and she killed my dog. 236 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,150 But other than that, 237 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,719 I guess this moving-in thing is gonna be pretty cool. 238 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,424 KISHA: Malcolm! Malcolm! 239 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,859 What's up? 240 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,695 My keys are on the floor. 241 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:04,863 Okay. 242 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,331 Malcolm. What? 243 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,366 Something weird is going on here. 244 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,101 If you mean something weird 245 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,736 like you farting in your sleep, yes, there is. 246 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,805 No, no. 247 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:14,739 I think we have a ghost. 248 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,041 A ghost? 249 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,810 Yeah, okay. No, you have a ghost in your ass. 250 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:22,947 I wanna bring a psychic to tell us what's going on. 251 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:24,082 A psychic? 252 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,784 Ah, come on, Kish. That's ridiculous. 253 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,452 Look, I'll tell you what's going on, okay? 254 00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,287 Some neighborhood kid came in here, 255 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,122 stole something out of your purse, and then he left... 256 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,125 No. See, if anyone is stealing anything, 257 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,194 (HISPANIC ACCENT) it is you-know-who, okay? 258 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,999 Hey, girl! (LAUGHS) 259 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:44,202 Okay, we have no idea what she's doing when we're not here. 260 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,705 Why is she always wearing gloves? 261 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,039 Okay, fine. I'll take care of it. 262 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,107 Guilty. 263 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,710 (DOORBELL RINGS) 264 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,844 Hey, I'm Dan the Security Man. 265 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,145 Hey, how you doin'? Nice to meet you. 266 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:57,415 Hey, I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't see you back there. 267 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,417 That's my associate, Bob. Actually, he's my brother. 268 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,885 He's a simple... 269 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,155 He used to play in the dryer. We turned it on once. 270 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,191 (IMITATES THUMPING) (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 271 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,292 Whoa, whoa! 272 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,760 KISHA: Hey, yo, you better back up! 273 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:09,861 What's the problem? 274 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,162 We're here to install cameras. 275 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,031 Yeah. Not to be filmed on camera. 276 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,165 'Cause I'm doing my own reality show. 277 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,500 Well, I'm not signing anything. 278 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,368 And I can't write. He can't write. 279 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,770 Blur this out. 280 00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:21,172 Mosaic. Okay. 281 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,841 KISHA: What is he doing? 282 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,476 Is the owner home? 283 00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:25,944 You're talking to him. 284 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,946 (SNICKERING) Yeah, right! 285 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,047 KISHA: Wow. 286 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,950 Oh. Wow. Okay. 287 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,486 All right. Now, that camera covers your entire backyard. 288 00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,387 It's cool. 289 00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,389 Let's say you and the missus are having a pool party, right? 290 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,158 You know, you're grilling up some fried chicken, 291 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,361 probably some ribs. 292 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,463 Hot wings, some pig knuckle, 293 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:46,865 strimps. 294 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:50,235 You know, maybe some corn bread. 295 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:53,171 I'd say watermelon, but that might be racist, right? 296 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,306 Corn bread was pretty close. 297 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,942 Not really. Country folks eat corn bread. 298 00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:00,345 Can I say it? 299 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,913 You talking about the "N" word? Yeah. 300 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,114 No. It's not appropriate. 301 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,415 (QUIETLY) I see. 302 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:05,917 Are you... Is he serious? 303 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,452 You can call me a cracker. 304 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,054 I don't want to. I just want... 305 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,289 Let me say it. 306 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:15,860 If you say it, I'm going to punch you in your face. 307 00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,331 Anyway... Wow. 308 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,367 Maybe later things get a little freaky. 309 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,937 You and the old lady in the 'cuzzi, buck naked, right? 310 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,173 Little Black Mamba's ready to strike. 311 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,508 That camera will catch all of it. 312 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,510 Nice! So, all you gotta do, go upstairs, 313 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:36,214 clickity-clack on the computer, beat off to the highlights. 314 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:37,849 Yeah. 315 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,417 Holler! 316 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,452 Holler! 317 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,087 (SIGHS) 318 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,522 Do it. No. 319 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,257 Holler! 320 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,059 Are you really gonna make me do this here? 321 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,127 Camera Guys. 322 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,262 BOTH: Holler! 323 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,098 Got you all tied in. Mm-hmm. 324 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,267 Uh, just hit the space bar, the mouse, you flash from the kitchen. 325 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,368 Mm-hmm? 326 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,436 Entryway. 327 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,438 Backyard. Living room. 328 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,173 I even tied in the webcam. Nice. 329 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,242 Yeah. Oh, I like that. That's cool. 330 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,977 Here's something you wanna think about. 331 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,313 You can remote access these things from wherever you are. 332 00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:11,082 I can set that up if you want. Just give me your pass code. 333 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,084 No. Not gonna happen. 334 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,619 Good choice. Nice try. 335 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,421 But you could set that up if you want to. 336 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,089 You're out of town on a business trip, 337 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,224 you might wanna check up on the missus, 338 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,491 make sure she's safe. 339 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,060 Right. 340 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,494 Or whatever she's doing! Yeah. 341 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,463 You know, girls, they like to have 342 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,299 a girls' time when you're out of town. 343 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,534 And why wouldn't they, you know? 344 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,437 You don't expect things like... 345 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:35,506 You know, she's spread eagle on the floor, banging the mailman. 346 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,275 "Special delivery!" 347 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,476 Not on our bed! 348 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,379 (SOBS) You dirty bird! 349 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,147 In front of the dog! Is he serious? 350 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:45,383 Oh, the dog's so upset! 351 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,619 I mean, you know, 352 00:14:47,621 --> 00:14:50,488 you're at a security convention in Albuquerque 353 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,191 screaming at the top of your lungs at a Quality Inn! 354 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,659 BOB: I remember Albuquerque. 355 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:58,296 You can't scratch your way through the camera! 356 00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,465 Kinda reminds me, I gotta mail out some bills 357 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,933 before the end of the month. 358 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,135 Uh, it's okay, man. It's okay. 359 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,437 Bobby, you better not be recording. 360 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,206 Uh, Bobby? Yeah, I got the whole thing. 361 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,173 Don't do this shit in my house. 362 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,508 (LOUD CRYING) 363 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,211 It's okay. Okay. All right. I understand. 364 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,546 (CRYING CONTINUES) Okay. 365 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,016 Why are you installing all these security cameras anyway? 366 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,050 Uh, we may have a burglar. 367 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,184 Or a ghost. 368 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,419 A burglar. Ghost. 369 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:25,390 Well, it just so happens I have my own ghost hunter reality show. 370 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:26,291 Do you wanna know what it's called? 371 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,159 I got one, too. 372 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,194 Wild guess, American Ghost? 373 00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:31,663 (IMITATES BUZZER) Wrong! Ghost Guys. 374 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,599 It is trademarked, so don't get any funny ideas. 375 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,601 I definitely won't. All right. See ya. 376 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,937 Yeah! You know they're shooting porn in there. 377 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,438 Really? No way he owns it. 378 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,610 KISHA: Malcolm, what is that? 379 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,679 Well, I paid those camera guys all this money 380 00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:51,082 and they left a big-ass blind spot inside the hallway. 381 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:55,086 So you decided to break my fan and rig up this ridiculous camera? 382 00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:56,521 Yep. 383 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,123 Call me "Nigyver." 384 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,258 Wow. 385 00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:05,263 Cool. All right, baby. Come on. 386 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,465 All right. All right. 387 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,434 KISHA: I'm so hungry. MALCOLM: Me, too. Starving. 388 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,302 Okay, Rosa. We're leaving. 389 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,404 Buenas tardes, senores. Okay. 390 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,274 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 391 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:29,320 ROSA: It's crazy, right? (CHUCKLING) 392 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:33,524 These stupid motherfuckers don't think I speak English! 393 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,727 (LAUGHS) Hmm. 394 00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:38,196 Yo, I got a nice pool. You want to come on down? 395 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,731 Yeah, we got a Jacuzzi. 396 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,742 Que pasa? 397 00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:53,578 (WOMAN SHRIEKS) (ROSA SPEAKS SPANISH) 398 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,513 Ay, Dios mio! (GUNSHOT) 399 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:03,688 (SHOUTING IN SPANISH) 400 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,057 Whoo! ¡Dios mio! 401 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,593 Whoo! (SPEAKING SPANISH) 402 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,161 (SQUEALS) 403 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:12,730 Hey, Rosa. We're back. 404 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,099 Hola! 405 00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:21,072 Ah! (SPEAKING SPANISH) 406 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,740 Si! Yo tambien. 407 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,375 MALCOLM: I don't know what you saying. 408 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,743 ROSA: Mm-hmm! 409 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,415 MALCOLM: Baby! KISHA: What? 410 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,216 Look at how she's swimming. 411 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,785 Hey, Steve. Steve, look. Check this out. 412 00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:35,420 Black girl don't like getting her hair wet. 413 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,322 Hey, hey, hey! Malcolm, cut that shit out! 414 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,091 (MALCOLM, STEVE LAUGHING) Just got my hair did. You know that. 415 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,227 STEVE: You're looking good over there, baby. 416 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,595 Hey, show us your tits. What? 417 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,397 Show us your tits! 418 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,366 (SHRIEKS) Whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no! 419 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,767 I knew she would do it. 420 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,702 (SHRIEKING) 421 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:52,804 You like that? 422 00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:54,338 No, no. That was awkward. 423 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,606 Oh, yeah? But did you like it a little bit? 424 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,141 They're cockeyed. 425 00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,410 Yeah, I know. One's bigger than the other one. 426 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,545 That way you can have a favorite. 427 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,346 Baby? 428 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:05,650 KISHA: No! Whoo! (SHOUTS) 429 00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,485 Your head's gonna get pregnant! 430 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,619 Let's do reverse. 431 00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:17,095 Wow, man, I am loving this camera of yours. 432 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,196 This is really cool. 433 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:22,233 I bet you're shooting all kinds of extracurricular activities with this camera. 434 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,334 Actually, I'm not. 435 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,435 You aren't? 436 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,670 None. You're not? 437 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,672 You know, ever since Kisha moved in, 438 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,674 I haven't seen no parts of the vagina. 439 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,609 No! It's like she moved in, 440 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,277 and her vagina moved out the same day. 441 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,579 You gotta be kidding me! Yeah. 442 00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,280 That makes me angry. 443 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,515 Not as angry as it makes my penis. 444 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,750 Well, I am angry for your penis. 445 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,385 Mr. Happy is not so happy. 446 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,653 Oh, that's infuriating. 447 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,888 Yeah, man. Yeah, man. 448 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,723 It makes me very upset to hear that. 449 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:46,858 But you know, there is something you can do 450 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,226 to spice it up if you want to. 451 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:48,893 Really? Oh, yeah. 452 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,261 What? 453 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,896 Well, you know how, like, 454 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,698 if you get tired of driving your car, 455 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,199 you might test-drive a new car? 456 00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,501 Mm-hmm. 457 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:57,902 Maybe you would even let somebody else 458 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,605 drive your car for a little while, you know? 459 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:04,475 Get a whole new appreciation of your vehicle when you do that. 460 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,145 Are you talking about swapping girlfriends? 461 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,447 What? No! (SCOFFS) Excuse me? 462 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,182 (LAUGH) Oh, wow! 463 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,251 I don't know where you were goin' with that! Oh, wow! 464 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,218 I was talking about cars! 465 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:15,353 My bad. 466 00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:17,522 You would never do it? 467 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,490 I would absolutely never do it. 468 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,292 Me neither. Me neither. 469 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:24,328 What kind of pervert does that? 470 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,496 That's what you would have to be. 471 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,165 It takes a pervert to swap girlfriends. 472 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,233 You never have done it, and you never would, huh? 473 00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,568 No, Steve. 474 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,337 Even if you got drunk enough or something like that? 475 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,239 Like, you might have a few too many drinks and say, 476 00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:36,440 "Why not? Let's give it a try," 477 00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,843 if there was a couple that was into it. 478 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,244 No. No. Yeah, me neither. 479 00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,546 That's how I feel. 480 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,948 But even, like, maybe if you got a little high, 481 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,616 maybe on a Saturday night or something like that, 482 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,218 and you were like... 483 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,386 (STAMMERS) Even then. 484 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,788 Yeah. Like, even if this couple was, like, 485 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,857 up for anything and raring to go, 486 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:56,961 and she was hot to trot, like, a hot, hot lady. 487 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,263 It wouldn't matter. You wouldn't do it, right? 488 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:01,632 Nigger, no. 489 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,502 Same here. We're in agreement. 490 00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:07,271 It's crazy to swap girlfriends like that. 491 00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,941 I am with you 100%. 492 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,743 Steve, want a beer? 493 00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:16,714 Hey, babe, did you tell Steve we have a ghost? 494 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,815 We don't have a ghost. A ghost? 495 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,650 Yeah. Awesome. 496 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,719 MALCOLM: We don't have a ghost. 497 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,954 No, Jenny, it's not cool. 498 00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:24,322 We don't have a ghost. 499 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,457 You thought it was cool in college. 500 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,959 We did a seance and everything! 501 00:20:27,961 --> 00:20:29,927 A seance? Oh, yeah. That's right. 502 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:30,995 You did a seance? 503 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:32,597 Yes. Honey, it's college. 504 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:33,764 You do a lot of silly stuff. 505 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:34,899 Yeah. 506 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,968 Like that time we got drunk and made out. 507 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,337 (STEVE LAUGHS) Oh, it's all hazy. 508 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,638 You know, college, it's like a big fog. 509 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,906 MALCOLM: We're gonna talk about these college days. 510 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,374 Yeah, yeah. 511 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,610 A hazy, sexy fog, it sounds like. 512 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:48,012 Wouldn't it be great if we all spent the night? Together? 513 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,347 Well, that's an interesting idea. 514 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,648 What do you think of that, Malcolm? 515 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,450 A naked sleepover? MALCOLM: No. 516 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:53,784 No? It's weird. 517 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,019 Yeah, but it's definitely gonna be weird. 518 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,588 But are you saying weird good or weird bad? 519 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,823 Weird bad, Steve. 520 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,625 Okay. 521 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,460 All right, you guys. It's been real. 522 00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,996 Listen, I know a great psychic if you need one. 523 00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:06,497 Okay. 524 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,798 He told me I'd be surrounded 525 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,269 by big, black spirits in my near future. 526 00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:13,738 Vaginas crossed. 527 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,840 MALCOLM: Yeah, okay. Right? Goodbye! 528 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,442 (LAUGHS) Well. 529 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,311 Listen, before we go, I just wanna talk to you about something, 530 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:21,612 'cause Jenny's got a birthday coming up. 531 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,682 I wanna do something real special for her, you know. 532 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,717 I was thinking maybe you could invite a couple of guys over, 533 00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,586 like your cousin Ray-Ray, maybe? 534 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:31,355 that he hangs out with, you know? 535 00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:33,758 Jamal, and Hakim, and Anforny, you know? 536 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,827 Just the six of us, right? We'll have some fun. 537 00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,996 We'll double stuff the Oreo a little bit, huh? 538 00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,498 Dirty up the white snow? 539 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,433 Black poles, white holes. 540 00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,969 You know, maybe all pile on the little white rabbit, right, you know? 541 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,305 Are you talking about a mandingo party? 542 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,973 What? A what? 543 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,676 Excuse me! 544 00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:54,045 I mean, I'm really, uh, not into that. But if you're into that... 545 00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:55,680 Um, I'm... 546 00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:57,348 Well, we might be able to work something out 547 00:21:57,350 --> 00:22:00,084 Hey, buddy, I mean... Okay, bye, Steve. 548 00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:01,385 Oh! 549 00:22:01,387 --> 00:22:02,987 MALCOLM: Oh, wow. 550 00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:04,088 That's beautiful. Okay, Jenny. 551 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,691 Okay, honey, come on. Come on, honey, come in. 552 00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:08,526 You're lucky. 553 00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:09,927 She is luckier. 554 00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:12,330 Bye, guys. Bye! All right. 555 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:15,633 (LAUGHS) Okay. All right. 556 00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:17,702 KISHA: I think Jenny and Steve are swingers. 557 00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:19,470 MALCOLM: You think? Wow. 558 00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:20,938 This looks like a ghetto Rite Aid. 559 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,440 Wrong Aid. 560 00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,775 Oh, shit! Did somebody shave a yeti? 561 00:22:24,777 --> 00:22:26,711 KISHA: Very funny. I shaved my legs. 562 00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:28,446 With what, a weed whacker? 563 00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:30,748 Wow. That's like Apollo Creed's chest hairs. 564 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,583 That is crazy. 565 00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:34,719 Oh! Hey! Malcolm, come on! 566 00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:37,388 Dude, turn that off. Get out of here. 567 00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:38,756 You got to close this. Stop it! 568 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,591 I'm claustrophobic, okay? 569 00:22:40,593 --> 00:22:42,026 Yeah? Well, I'm ass-trophobic. 570 00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:43,794 You know what, Malcolm? What? 571 00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:46,497 Love it or leave it, okay? Here. Here. 572 00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:48,099 (LOUD GROANING) Take it, okay? 573 00:22:48,101 --> 00:22:49,567 It's oak-y. (MALCOLM LAUGHING) 574 00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:51,769 It's... It's full-bodied. 575 00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:53,637 I believe it's open. 576 00:22:53,639 --> 00:22:54,805 Oh, that's... That's nasty! 577 00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,574 Mmm. The aroma. 578 00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:57,541 The nastiest thing ever. 579 00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:58,776 No, Malcolm! Malcolm! 580 00:22:58,778 --> 00:23:00,511 Hey! No! 581 00:23:00,513 --> 00:23:02,146 Move your little nasty foot. Stop it! 582 00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:03,881 Ow! Ow! Malcolm! 583 00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:07,852 (CRICKETS CHIRPING) 584 00:23:19,765 --> 00:23:22,533 Uh, Malcolm. Malcolm? Hmm? 585 00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:24,034 The camera isn't off. 586 00:23:24,036 --> 00:23:26,003 Yeah, the camera's off. What are you talkin' about? 587 00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:27,405 The light is on. 588 00:23:27,407 --> 00:23:28,606 That's the standby light. 589 00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:30,541 That's the record light. 590 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,777 I don't want to be like those stupid girls. 591 00:23:32,779 --> 00:23:34,979 Kim Kardashian with a sex tape. 592 00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:37,948 First of all, Kim Kardashian's worth $150 million. 593 00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:40,151 Think about it, Kisha. You could have your own reality show. 594 00:23:40,153 --> 00:23:42,920 You could have your own clothing line, your own perfume. 595 00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:45,589 "Stank," by Kisha. 596 00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,024 No. 597 00:23:47,026 --> 00:23:49,126 Your window of opportunity is closing quickly. 598 00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:50,795 Turn it off. 599 00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:51,796 Oh, God, you are a hater. 600 00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:53,030 I'm not. 601 00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:01,105 Malcolm. You ain't slick. That camera's still on. 602 00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:03,507 What? (MIMICS) "What?" 603 00:24:03,509 --> 00:24:05,142 (GRUNTS) That's cheap. 604 00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:07,745 (VIDEOTAPE FAST-FORWARDING) 605 00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:10,681 (YELPS) Whoo! Whoo! 606 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,750 (GRUNTS) Don't touch it. 607 00:24:12,752 --> 00:24:14,185 Don't touch it. That was crazy. 608 00:24:14,187 --> 00:24:15,586 Oh, I got a cramp. 609 00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:18,088 I told you we should have recorded that. 610 00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:20,090 I don't think they make 30-second tapes. 611 00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:24,128 Oh, come on. That was at least two minutes, 15, 16 seconds. 612 00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:25,896 Whoo! That was great. 613 00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,731 Malcolm, you know we have to go again, right? 614 00:24:27,733 --> 00:24:30,901 (GRUNTS) I need a halftime. You gotta talk to the coach. 615 00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:32,069 Get some new plays. 616 00:24:33,705 --> 00:24:34,772 (SNORING) 617 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,575 Wake up. Okay, okay. 618 00:24:37,577 --> 00:24:38,676 Come on now. 619 00:24:38,678 --> 00:24:39,877 Okay, okay. 620 00:24:39,879 --> 00:24:41,579 Woody's sore. Mmm. 621 00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:45,649 Yeah. 622 00:24:46,751 --> 00:24:48,853 Good morning, honey. 623 00:24:48,855 --> 00:24:50,688 Hi, baby. Mwah. 624 00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:51,989 (GRUNTING) 625 00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:54,225 Malcolm, I told you to turn the camera off! 626 00:24:55,594 --> 00:24:57,695 I know. I'm shit. 627 00:24:57,697 --> 00:25:00,097 But, baby, I was tearin' it up last night. (WHOOPS) 628 00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:01,632 Oh, please. You were all right. 629 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:02,933 Baby, check this move. Look at that. 630 00:25:02,935 --> 00:25:04,535 Malcolm, I need you to erase this tape. 631 00:25:04,537 --> 00:25:06,237 I don't wanna end up on the Internet. 632 00:25:06,239 --> 00:25:07,571 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 633 00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:08,939 Rewind the video. 634 00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:10,774 Okay. 635 00:25:10,776 --> 00:25:12,276 Did you see that? Uh-huh. 636 00:25:12,278 --> 00:25:13,744 See, I call that move the Tornado. 637 00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,079 No, stupid! 638 00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:18,549 Look! The door, it moved. You see? 639 00:25:18,551 --> 00:25:20,551 MALCOLM: Oh, wow. 640 00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:23,254 Well, there is a rational explanation for all that. 641 00:25:23,256 --> 00:25:25,556 See, what happens is, with the Tornado, right, 642 00:25:25,558 --> 00:25:28,125 the vortex in which I move my hips, 643 00:25:28,127 --> 00:25:29,760 especially with a downward motion, 644 00:25:29,762 --> 00:25:31,795 it creates that vortex. 645 00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:32,963 I'm surprised the windows didn't blow open. 646 00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:35,132 You are stupid. Sometimes it does that. 647 00:25:35,134 --> 00:25:38,068 See, I'm working on a whole natural disaster theme for me and you. 648 00:25:38,070 --> 00:25:40,170 We gonna start with the Mudslide tonight. 649 00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:42,606 Or the Earthquake. Earthquake is crazy! 650 00:25:42,608 --> 00:25:45,743 'Cause I just get in and I shake up in there, fast as I can. I just shake. 651 00:25:50,815 --> 00:25:52,650 (RUMBLING) 652 00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:57,121 (SHATTERS) (SCREAMS) 653 00:25:57,123 --> 00:25:58,789 Malcolm! 654 00:25:58,791 --> 00:25:59,890 Malcolm, come here, please! 655 00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:01,559 Quick! What happened? What happened? 656 00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:05,162 Okay, so the glass was on the counter, and then it... 657 00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:07,631 Something knocked it off! 658 00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:09,099 How do you explain that? 659 00:26:09,101 --> 00:26:10,601 Well, maybe you put it on the edge of the counter, 660 00:26:10,603 --> 00:26:12,303 and it just slipped off. 661 00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:15,272 Last night, it was the door, Malcolm. 662 00:26:15,274 --> 00:26:18,709 And then, this morning, the pot was on the floor. 663 00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:20,878 Maybe it wasn't put on the rack properly. 664 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,714 All right, I'll take credit for that. Lord knows you don't cook. 665 00:26:23,716 --> 00:26:25,249 Oh, I love you, but stop. Be careful. 666 00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:26,617 You're gonna get glass in your foot 667 00:26:26,619 --> 00:26:27,952 and be trackin' blood all through the house 668 00:26:27,954 --> 00:26:29,053 like Bruce Willis in Die Hard. 669 00:26:31,056 --> 00:26:33,157 (GROANS) 670 00:26:33,159 --> 00:26:35,793 Do you believe me now, Malcolm? Hmm? 671 00:26:35,795 --> 00:26:39,263 Maybe it was your vortex. 672 00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:40,631 Oh, God. 673 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:47,338 (RUMBLING) 674 00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:48,939 (VOICE SHRIEKING) 675 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,208 (GASPS) 676 00:26:53,745 --> 00:26:55,112 Did you hear that? 677 00:26:55,114 --> 00:26:56,981 Nope. What? 678 00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:59,817 (LOUD RATTLING) 679 00:26:59,819 --> 00:27:01,018 What about that? 680 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:03,153 That was just the house settling. 681 00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:04,722 No big thing. Just go back to sleep. 682 00:27:04,724 --> 00:27:06,357 Go back to sleep? (SCREAMING) 683 00:27:07,892 --> 00:27:09,727 (MALCOLM SCREAMING, WHIMPERING) 684 00:27:09,729 --> 00:27:11,729 The wind? What? 685 00:27:11,731 --> 00:27:14,198 Negro, the windows are closed! 686 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,667 (SCREAMING) Oh, hell, no! I'm out! 687 00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:17,901 What? Malcolm! 688 00:27:17,903 --> 00:27:19,670 (HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING) 689 00:27:19,672 --> 00:27:20,804 Malcolm! 690 00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:25,209 (HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING CONTINUES) 691 00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:29,046 (SCREAMING GROWS DISTANT) 692 00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,249 (DOOR SLAMS) Really? 693 00:27:33,051 --> 00:27:34,184 Oh, hell, no. 694 00:27:34,186 --> 00:27:37,021 Malcolm, what are you doing? 695 00:27:37,023 --> 00:27:39,923 Bitch, there is a ghost in the house. I'm out. 696 00:27:39,925 --> 00:27:41,091 You can't leave. 697 00:27:41,093 --> 00:27:42,192 You watch me. 698 00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:43,694 (ENGINE STARTS) 699 00:27:43,696 --> 00:27:44,862 Deuces. 700 00:27:47,098 --> 00:27:48,165 Malcolm! 701 00:27:52,804 --> 00:27:54,138 You all right? Who am I kidding? 702 00:27:56,241 --> 00:27:57,841 I can't sell a house in this market. 703 00:27:58,910 --> 00:28:00,277 "Immediate possession." 704 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:01,679 (HYSTERICAL LAUGHING) 705 00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:02,780 It's already possessed! 706 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,888 Hi, Chip. I'm Kisha. Hi. 707 00:28:10,890 --> 00:28:12,189 Hi, I'm Chip the Psychic. 708 00:28:12,191 --> 00:28:13,290 Come on in. 709 00:28:13,292 --> 00:28:15,159 Nice. Nice. 710 00:28:17,228 --> 00:28:18,996 Oh! 711 00:28:18,998 --> 00:28:23,333 And you... You must be Malcolm. 712 00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:24,968 Mmm, yeah. That's pretty good. How did you know? 713 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,070 Uh, psychic. 714 00:28:26,072 --> 00:28:27,371 (LAUGHS) See? 715 00:28:27,373 --> 00:28:30,240 I have a lot of powers all over my body. 716 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:32,943 Do you... You play basketball, probably, a little bit, right? 717 00:28:32,945 --> 00:28:34,378 No, not really. You don't? 718 00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,146 No. Well, you got the body for it. 719 00:28:36,448 --> 00:28:38,449 You're lucky. 720 00:28:38,451 --> 00:28:40,250 You're a lucky, lucky lady. 721 00:28:40,252 --> 00:28:42,486 I'm gonna ask you some questions. 722 00:28:42,488 --> 00:28:45,923 You know, nothing cray. Just real simple stuff. 723 00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:47,291 Okay, how long have you guys been together? 724 00:28:47,293 --> 00:28:48,425 Two years. Yes. 725 00:28:48,427 --> 00:28:50,227 Okay, Malcolm, are you happy? Yes. 726 00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,795 Do you like living with her? Yes. 727 00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,330 Have you been with a man? No. 728 00:28:53,332 --> 00:28:55,065 Did you have a good Halloween? Yes. 729 00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:56,333 Did you have a good Christmas? Yes. 730 00:28:56,335 --> 00:28:57,901 Do you like movies? Yeah. 731 00:28:57,903 --> 00:28:59,002 Have you been with a man? 732 00:28:59,004 --> 00:29:00,270 Yeah... No. What? No! 733 00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:02,005 Did you have a good Easter? Yes. 734 00:29:02,007 --> 00:29:03,273 Do you like booze? Yes. 735 00:29:03,275 --> 00:29:04,975 Do you eat food every day? Yes. 736 00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:05,843 Have you been with a man? 737 00:29:05,845 --> 00:29:06,977 Yes. No, no! 738 00:29:06,979 --> 00:29:08,879 I've never been with a man. 739 00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:10,781 Okay, I'm just asking 'cause I'm just trying to get to know you. 740 00:29:10,783 --> 00:29:13,117 I've never been with a man. I've never been with a man. 741 00:29:13,119 --> 00:29:14,985 I've never been with a man. Would you stop being so... 742 00:29:14,987 --> 00:29:15,853 I've never been with a man! 743 00:29:15,855 --> 00:29:17,121 Okay! 744 00:29:17,123 --> 00:29:18,388 You don't have to be loud and angry. 745 00:29:18,390 --> 00:29:21,125 He keeps asking me if I've been with a man! 746 00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:22,226 I've never been with a man! 747 00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:23,827 Okay. 748 00:29:23,829 --> 00:29:25,095 I'm trying to get to know you. Have you been with a man? 749 00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:26,363 I sleep on this side of the bed. 750 00:29:26,365 --> 00:29:27,431 Right. 751 00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:29,333 She sleeps there. Ick. 752 00:29:29,335 --> 00:29:32,202 And, you know, we keep the camera right there. 753 00:29:32,204 --> 00:29:35,439 And one night, we saw the door kind of just, like... 754 00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:38,909 Oh, wow. So there was some paranormal over there. 755 00:29:38,911 --> 00:29:40,544 No, she thinks it's paranormal, 756 00:29:40,546 --> 00:29:42,913 and I think it's 'cause of the Tornado. 757 00:29:42,915 --> 00:29:44,414 'Cause I created a vortex. 758 00:29:44,416 --> 00:29:46,316 What does that mean? 759 00:29:46,318 --> 00:29:48,018 We was havin' sex, and I was hittin' it. 760 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:50,320 I was like... (GROWLING) 761 00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:52,856 I was doing this round, and I think the... 762 00:29:52,858 --> 00:29:55,025 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey. 763 00:29:55,027 --> 00:29:56,827 Hey, you okay? Yeah, sorry. 764 00:29:56,829 --> 00:29:58,095 You all right? 765 00:29:58,097 --> 00:29:59,196 I got light-headed there for a second. 766 00:29:59,198 --> 00:30:00,898 Okay. All right. Yeah, no, I'm good. 767 00:30:00,900 --> 00:30:03,367 Check out the door. You know what? 768 00:30:03,369 --> 00:30:04,835 There is some dark energy over here. 769 00:30:04,837 --> 00:30:05,903 Really? 770 00:30:05,905 --> 00:30:08,071 Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. 771 00:30:08,073 --> 00:30:10,240 MALCOLM: I didn't even... Oh! 772 00:30:10,242 --> 00:30:11,375 We got a ghost. 773 00:30:11,377 --> 00:30:12,509 Oh, my God, it's got me! 774 00:30:12,511 --> 00:30:15,212 It's got me! (SCREAMS) It's got me! 775 00:30:15,214 --> 00:30:17,181 It's got me! Help! Help! 776 00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:19,249 Hey, man! Get off of me! 777 00:30:19,251 --> 00:30:22,219 Oh, man! Get off of me. 778 00:30:22,221 --> 00:30:24,254 What are you doing? 779 00:30:24,256 --> 00:30:26,323 I don't know what just happened. 780 00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,091 That was so scary. 781 00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:30,527 Okay, you guys. This is a simple channeling exercise. 782 00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:31,995 Okay. 783 00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:34,331 This is creepy. Shh. 784 00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:37,234 All right, Kisha, now just breathe. Relax. 785 00:30:37,236 --> 00:30:39,870 Do you feel anything? 786 00:30:39,872 --> 00:30:41,238 No, not really. 787 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,307 What about you, Malcolm? 788 00:30:44,609 --> 00:30:46,243 Just your dick in my back. 789 00:30:47,612 --> 00:30:49,479 Well, that's a start. 790 00:30:51,115 --> 00:30:53,951 Now, there are two kinds of paranormal entities. 791 00:30:53,953 --> 00:30:57,120 I specialize in the good ones. 792 00:30:57,122 --> 00:30:59,489 Okay, yeah, like Casper the Friendly Ghost. 793 00:30:59,491 --> 00:31:02,059 Oh! Yeah, he's fun. 794 00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:04,294 And also Patrick Swayze from Ghost. 795 00:31:04,296 --> 00:31:06,330 (GASPS) I love that movie. 796 00:31:06,332 --> 00:31:08,498 Yes, that one was really moving. 797 00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:11,235 Especially with the clay, and he'd work the clay and just... 798 00:31:11,237 --> 00:31:13,403 (SPITS) And he just fuckin' has it, and... 799 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:17,641 Demons, though, are bad. 800 00:31:17,643 --> 00:31:20,444 Those are pure, pure, pure evil. 801 00:31:20,446 --> 00:31:23,547 And they will pop up at the worst possible times. 802 00:31:23,549 --> 00:31:25,415 You know, like herpes. 803 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,320 What? 804 00:31:30,322 --> 00:31:31,989 What are you looking at me for? 805 00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:37,160 All I'm saying is, do not aggravate a demon. 806 00:31:37,162 --> 00:31:38,462 Do not try to contact them, 807 00:31:38,464 --> 00:31:42,266 and whatever you do, do not film them. 808 00:31:42,268 --> 00:31:43,433 That will only make things worse. 809 00:31:43,435 --> 00:31:45,669 See? Don't film demons. 810 00:31:45,671 --> 00:31:47,337 Very bad. Okay. 811 00:31:49,307 --> 00:31:50,607 Well, thanks a lot for coming out, man. 812 00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:51,942 Is there anything you wanna get off your chest? 813 00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:55,579 Is there anything you want to put on my chest? 814 00:31:55,581 --> 00:31:57,047 Huh? Wait'll you see the clay scene. 815 00:31:57,049 --> 00:31:58,215 Wait, wait. Uh... 816 00:32:00,051 --> 00:32:01,318 I have a confession to make. 817 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,120 Yep, herpes! I knew it. 818 00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:05,622 Oh! Ick! No, I don't! 819 00:32:05,624 --> 00:32:08,692 But did I mention that I made a deal with the devil 820 00:32:08,694 --> 00:32:10,961 for a pair of really cool Louboutins? 821 00:32:10,963 --> 00:32:13,597 You made a deal with the devil for a pair of shoes? 822 00:32:13,599 --> 00:32:17,034 Not shoes, Malcolm! Louboutins, okay? 823 00:32:17,036 --> 00:32:20,003 They've got red soles, and they make my calves pop! 824 00:32:20,005 --> 00:32:22,205 (GROWLS) 825 00:32:22,207 --> 00:32:24,508 Well, I really needed them, okay? 826 00:32:24,510 --> 00:32:29,012 You are screwed, sista, 827 00:32:29,014 --> 00:32:34,184 This demon is not leaving this house until it gets what it wants. 828 00:32:34,186 --> 00:32:36,019 What's that? 829 00:32:36,021 --> 00:32:37,387 Kisha. 830 00:32:39,023 --> 00:32:40,457 You're fine, Malcolm. 831 00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:43,260 Like, you're free to be whoever you want. 832 00:32:43,262 --> 00:32:44,161 It's a five-man wrestling league. 833 00:32:44,163 --> 00:32:45,228 I'm good. 834 00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:46,330 It's so fun. 835 00:32:46,332 --> 00:32:47,464 I bet it is. It's not for me. 836 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:49,099 And everyone's really good. Really? 837 00:32:49,101 --> 00:32:50,233 Yeah, no, but it's competitive. 838 00:32:50,235 --> 00:32:53,036 It's something that... 839 00:32:53,038 --> 00:32:55,405 Oh, my God. I'm getting mind powers. 840 00:32:55,407 --> 00:32:57,507 Okay. All right. I'm getting mind powers. 841 00:32:57,509 --> 00:33:03,113 (SIGHS) Malcolm, (GASPS) something is going to happen to you 842 00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:05,415 that is going to change you. 843 00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:07,617 Don't fight it. 844 00:33:07,619 --> 00:33:09,119 Whatever it is, don't fight it, okay? 845 00:33:09,121 --> 00:33:11,188 Okay, I won't. I won't. I can save you. 846 00:33:11,190 --> 00:33:12,622 It's five guys. We wrestle on Monday. 847 00:33:12,624 --> 00:33:14,124 Okay. 848 00:33:14,126 --> 00:33:15,759 I can save you. No, thank you. 849 00:33:15,761 --> 00:33:17,361 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Save you! 850 00:33:17,363 --> 00:33:18,462 God. 851 00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:20,063 I think that went well. 852 00:33:20,065 --> 00:33:21,732 We need to talk. 853 00:33:21,734 --> 00:33:23,133 A demon, Kisha? 854 00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:25,535 I'm sorry, Malcolm. 855 00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:28,138 Why... Why didn't you tell me this, like, on the first date? 856 00:33:28,140 --> 00:33:30,107 Because you never would have gone out with me again. 857 00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:32,442 Exactly! 858 00:33:32,444 --> 00:33:34,745 How long has this been happening to you? 859 00:33:34,747 --> 00:33:36,513 Since I was a little kid. 860 00:33:36,515 --> 00:33:38,448 What the shit is this? 861 00:33:39,484 --> 00:33:40,650 MALCOLM: And you say I tape everything. 862 00:33:41,419 --> 00:33:43,120 Mm. Mm-mm-mm. 863 00:33:45,723 --> 00:33:46,790 (BLOWS) 864 00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:54,631 Happy birthday, Kisha. Mama loves you. 865 00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,666 Ooh! To think you almost didn't make it. 866 00:33:56,668 --> 00:33:58,769 But good thing that clinic was closed. 867 00:33:58,771 --> 00:34:01,538 Ooh! God is good all the time. 868 00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:04,508 You are eight years ol. Enjoy your birthday. 869 00:34:04,510 --> 00:34:07,444 Sooner or later, you're gonna come home from school one da. 870 00:34:07,446 --> 00:34:08,812 "Where's stepdaddy? Where's stepdaddy?" 871 00:34:08,814 --> 00:34:11,782 And I'm gonna be gone. 872 00:34:11,784 --> 00:34:14,751 Happy birthday, Kisha. Make a wish. 873 00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:16,186 Sit right there. All right. 874 00:34:16,188 --> 00:34:19,823 I wish Tony can stay with me forev. 875 00:34:19,825 --> 00:34:21,291 Who is Tony? 876 00:34:21,293 --> 00:34:23,060 Who is Tony, baby? He's my friend. 877 00:34:23,062 --> 00:34:24,428 If you have friends, they'd all be 878 00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:26,329 gathered around here drinking beer, 879 00:34:26,331 --> 00:34:27,798 smoking cigarettes, having a good time, 880 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,499 gambling, playing cards and stuff. 881 00:34:29,501 --> 00:34:34,237 You gonna blow it out? Or you just gonna look at us crazy? 882 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:35,705 Dang. She ain't all there. 883 00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:39,176 Lookin' all crazy. You crazy. 884 00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:42,212 Look, look, look, look, look. She got a lazy eye. 885 00:34:42,214 --> 00:34:43,513 (LAUGHING) 886 00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:49,653 Blow out the candles, baby. 887 00:34:49,655 --> 00:34:51,655 (RUMBLING) Tony, no! 888 00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:55,826 You wanna throw cake on my brand-new Betama? 889 00:34:55,828 --> 00:34:58,428 You must be crazy! 890 00:34:58,430 --> 00:34:59,830 Ow! It wasn't me. It was Tony. 891 00:34:59,832 --> 00:35:02,532 I'm-a beat the Ty out of you then. 892 00:35:02,534 --> 00:35:04,468 Ah, ah, ah. Lamar, not so hard. 893 00:35:04,470 --> 00:35:08,472 I won't beat my own kids like th. 894 00:35:08,474 --> 00:35:09,739 (GRUNTS) I know that's right. 895 00:35:16,681 --> 00:35:19,249 Anything else you wanna tell me? 896 00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:20,750 Well, 897 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:21,818 about the herpes. 898 00:35:23,187 --> 00:35:25,122 Baby, what are you doing? Huh? 899 00:35:25,124 --> 00:35:27,824 Oh, nothing. I'm just... Just cleaning, that's all. 900 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:29,759 You ever get that not-so-fresh feeling? 901 00:35:29,761 --> 00:35:33,730 Seriously, we're gonna have to talk about your lies. 902 00:35:33,732 --> 00:35:35,565 Oh, that's fizzing. It's fizzing. 903 00:35:35,567 --> 00:35:37,400 It's herpes, Kisha. 904 00:35:37,402 --> 00:35:39,603 This ain't a cold sore, Kisha. This is the real thing. 905 00:35:40,605 --> 00:35:43,573 Ah! You did this to me. 906 00:35:43,575 --> 00:35:45,709 Get a match! Get the goddamn match! 907 00:35:47,378 --> 00:35:50,347 (SCREAMS) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 908 00:35:50,349 --> 00:35:51,648 That hurt. Whoa! 909 00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:58,922 (RUMBLING) 910 00:36:20,578 --> 00:36:22,479 (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 911 00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:44,401 (MUSIC STOPS) 912 00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:51,775 What the hell? 913 00:36:51,777 --> 00:36:52,876 What happened? 914 00:36:54,312 --> 00:36:56,346 (GRUNTS) Did... 915 00:36:56,348 --> 00:36:58,315 What'd you slap me for? 916 00:36:58,317 --> 00:36:59,683 Was I snoring? 917 00:36:59,817 --> 00:37:01,251 Kisha! 918 00:37:01,752 --> 00:37:02,786 Kisha! 919 00:37:04,522 --> 00:37:05,655 The hell? 920 00:37:06,490 --> 00:37:07,724 Kisha. 921 00:37:08,459 --> 00:37:09,626 Kisha. 922 00:37:09,628 --> 00:37:10,994 What the hell? 923 00:37:11,762 --> 00:37:13,363 Kisha. 924 00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:14,898 Oh, shit! Kisha, what the... 925 00:37:17,868 --> 00:37:19,402 Kisha, what are you doing? 926 00:37:20,371 --> 00:37:23,540 What? Oh, that is gross. 927 00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:25,842 Wait! No, baby, that milk is three weeks old. 928 00:37:25,844 --> 00:37:30,447 (GROANS) Oh! Baby. Baby, what are you doing? 929 00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:36,820 I'll run to the store. We're out of milk. 930 00:37:36,822 --> 00:37:38,521 I'll be right back. No, no, you... No, no. 931 00:37:38,523 --> 00:37:39,856 Give me that. (SCREAMS) 932 00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,325 (LAUGHING) 933 00:37:42,327 --> 00:37:43,893 Honey, honey. 934 00:37:43,895 --> 00:37:45,929 Where do you keep the Pepto? Oh, man. 935 00:37:45,931 --> 00:37:47,931 Where do you keep the Pepto? My stomach hurts. 936 00:37:47,933 --> 00:37:50,667 (SCREAMS) What are you doing? 937 00:37:50,669 --> 00:37:52,002 I'm looking at the tape from last night. 938 00:37:52,004 --> 00:37:53,603 (KISHA SOBBING) 939 00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,272 Honey, you make me feel good. 940 00:37:55,274 --> 00:37:58,275 Okay. Maybe some sleep will make you feel good. 941 00:37:58,277 --> 00:38:00,043 Oh, my God. 942 00:38:00,045 --> 00:38:03,046 I don't remember doing any of this. What am I doing? 943 00:38:03,048 --> 00:38:05,749 Acting like a freak. This is crazy. 944 00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:07,851 Wait, look at this. Check this out. 945 00:38:07,853 --> 00:38:10,353 Something weird... Weird-weird-weird is going on. 946 00:38:10,355 --> 00:38:12,389 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 947 00:38:12,391 --> 00:38:15,625 Something weird is going on. 948 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,427 Meow. Honey, you make me feel good. 949 00:38:18,764 --> 00:38:22,332 Weird is going on. Weird-weird-weird is going on. 950 00:38:22,334 --> 00:38:23,700 Whoo! 951 00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:25,535 Weird-weird-weird-weird is going on. 952 00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:28,004 I'm a scary ghost! 953 00:38:28,006 --> 00:38:30,040 (GRUNTS) 954 00:38:30,042 --> 00:38:31,341 (SCREAMS) 955 00:38:31,343 --> 00:38:32,742 (GROANS) 956 00:38:32,744 --> 00:38:34,411 I can't breathe. 957 00:38:34,413 --> 00:38:36,346 (LAUGHS) Baby, you mad? 958 00:38:36,348 --> 00:38:37,013 Baby. 959 00:38:37,682 --> 00:38:38,948 (LAUGHS) 960 00:38:39,617 --> 00:38:40,750 Malcolm! 961 00:38:41,786 --> 00:38:43,586 It's not a joke! 962 00:38:43,588 --> 00:38:46,956 Come on. I'm just trying to make light of a bad situation. 963 00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,925 Bad situation? So, what, now you're referring 964 00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:50,960 to my moving in as a bad situation? 965 00:38:50,962 --> 00:38:53,663 I didn't have a demon in my house till you moved in. 966 00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:56,399 What happened to, "You're living with me now. I'll protect you"? 967 00:38:56,401 --> 00:38:58,935 From a burglar, not a ghost! 968 00:38:58,937 --> 00:39:00,337 You know what? I ain't listening to this. 969 00:39:00,339 --> 00:39:02,439 Where do you think you're going? 970 00:39:02,441 --> 00:39:04,374 Out. 971 00:39:04,376 --> 00:39:08,044 Oh, okay! So you're just gonna leave me here alone? 972 00:39:08,046 --> 00:39:08,945 Malcolm! (DOOR CLOSES) 973 00:39:21,959 --> 00:39:23,727 (LOUD CLANGING) (GASPS) 974 00:39:23,729 --> 00:39:26,496 (HEAVY THUDDING) 975 00:39:31,068 --> 00:39:32,702 (CLANGS) (SCREAMS) 976 00:39:37,908 --> 00:39:39,109 (SHATTERING) (SCREAMS) 977 00:39:42,646 --> 00:39:44,114 (GROWLING) 978 00:39:48,419 --> 00:39:49,586 (KISHA SCREAMS) 979 00:39:49,588 --> 00:39:50,854 Malcolm! 980 00:39:50,856 --> 00:39:52,522 Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! 981 00:39:52,524 --> 00:39:53,423 What, what, what, what? 982 00:39:53,425 --> 00:39:54,491 Look at this! 983 00:39:55,126 --> 00:39:56,926 Oh, wow. What the... 984 00:39:57,862 --> 00:39:59,596 KISHA: Oh, Daddy! 985 00:40:00,097 --> 00:40:01,498 (WHIMPERS) 986 00:40:01,866 --> 00:40:02,999 Malcolm! 987 00:40:04,001 --> 00:40:05,702 Oh, shit. 988 00:40:05,704 --> 00:40:08,705 What kind of monster would do this? 989 00:40:08,707 --> 00:40:10,540 Uh, uh, baby, you were right. 990 00:40:10,542 --> 00:40:12,675 Listen, there is an evil spirit in this house. 991 00:40:12,677 --> 00:40:14,511 I believe you. I was so dumb. 992 00:40:14,513 --> 00:40:18,415 Oh, shit. I feel it. Oh, my God. It's right there. 993 00:40:18,417 --> 00:40:20,016 You feel that? Feel it, feel it, feel it. 994 00:40:20,018 --> 00:40:21,918 It's cold, right? Oh, my God! (GASPS) 995 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,554 Baby, we have to get rid of this menace once and for all. 996 00:40:24,556 --> 00:40:25,955 Ooh! The tape! We can watch the tape. 997 00:40:25,957 --> 00:40:27,891 Wait, no! No, no, no. Don't watch the tape. 998 00:40:27,893 --> 00:40:29,526 Don't watch the tape. What? 999 00:40:29,528 --> 00:40:31,828 Because it's just me and you against him. 1000 00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:35,698 You evil spirit! You leave this house alone! 1001 00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:37,434 Now! 1002 00:40:37,436 --> 00:40:39,202 You hear me? You get out! 1003 00:40:39,204 --> 00:40:40,904 Get out, demon. Get out! 1004 00:40:40,906 --> 00:40:42,972 Get out, get out, get out! 1005 00:40:42,974 --> 00:40:44,507 See, I believe you. No. 1006 00:40:44,509 --> 00:40:45,975 I need you to shut up once and for all. 1007 00:40:45,977 --> 00:40:47,944 Let's watch the tape. I am shutting up! God! 1008 00:40:55,553 --> 00:40:57,153 (GROANS) Mm-hmm. 1009 00:40:57,155 --> 00:40:58,188 (SUCKS TEETH) 1010 00:40:58,190 --> 00:41:00,457 Hi, Daddy. 1011 00:41:00,459 --> 00:41:04,794 You want to come in here and move in on my house? H? 1012 00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:07,697 You like haunting people, huh? I ain't scared of you. 1013 00:41:07,699 --> 00:41:08,832 Uh, baby? Um... 1014 00:41:08,834 --> 00:41:10,133 Fuck you, and fuck your daddy! 1015 00:41:10,135 --> 00:41:11,201 This is disturbing. You don't want to see it. 1016 00:41:11,203 --> 00:41:12,902 I will break your arm. 1017 00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:14,671 You wanna watch TV? 1018 00:41:16,173 --> 00:41:17,607 Wow! 1019 00:41:17,609 --> 00:41:19,709 (MOCK CRYING) Oh. Oh, my. 1020 00:41:21,846 --> 00:41:23,046 (GASPS) 1021 00:41:23,048 --> 00:41:24,747 See, that hurt. Lookee. 1022 00:41:24,749 --> 00:41:25,782 I got a boo-boo, baby, right... I don't care. 1023 00:41:26,784 --> 00:41:27,984 (GRUNTING) 1024 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,221 (PLOPS) (SIGHS) 1025 00:41:33,791 --> 00:41:37,060 On my father's ashes! Really? 1026 00:41:37,062 --> 00:41:39,929 You think you the shit? I'll show you the shit. 1027 00:41:39,931 --> 00:41:42,131 Nasty! That is so nasty. 1028 00:41:42,133 --> 00:41:43,199 I will... 1029 00:41:43,201 --> 00:41:47,103 So, what did you do, wipe your ass with the curtains? 1030 00:41:51,976 --> 00:41:53,610 Baby, you didn't like the curtains anyway. 1031 00:41:53,612 --> 00:41:54,978 You're an animal. We'll get new curtains. 1032 00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:56,679 It's just curtains. 1033 00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:59,115 I'd be an animal if I didn't wipe at all. Baby! 1034 00:41:59,117 --> 00:42:00,850 This isn't gonna prove any... Yes, it is! 1035 00:42:01,952 --> 00:42:04,787 I swear that I will listen to Kisha 1036 00:42:04,789 --> 00:42:07,824 whenever she says strange things are going on in the house. 1037 00:42:08,092 --> 00:42:09,259 And? 1038 00:42:09,261 --> 00:42:11,561 And... (SIGHS) 1039 00:42:11,563 --> 00:42:15,798 And I swear that I won't antagonize the ghost anymore. 1040 00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:17,967 Even though I didn't bring him in the house. 1041 00:42:18,235 --> 00:42:20,270 And? 1042 00:42:20,272 --> 00:42:23,072 And I swear that Kisha is the prettiest 1043 00:42:23,074 --> 00:42:25,308 and the sexiest girl for never. 1044 00:42:26,744 --> 00:42:28,044 And? 1045 00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:29,946 And I promise I won't shit in your daddy's ashes. 1046 00:42:29,948 --> 00:42:31,047 Louder! 1047 00:42:31,049 --> 00:42:32,181 I promise I won't shit 1048 00:42:32,183 --> 00:42:35,018 on Kisha's daddy's ashes ever again. 1049 00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:37,320 Happy? Yes. 1050 00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:38,855 Can I have my video game back now? No! 1051 00:42:40,190 --> 00:42:41,190 See, man? 1052 00:42:43,627 --> 00:42:45,328 Why are you putting powder on the floor? 1053 00:42:45,330 --> 00:42:48,298 See, the powder is gonna let me see his footprints. 1054 00:42:48,300 --> 00:42:50,767 And you think this is gonna work. 1055 00:42:50,769 --> 00:42:52,168 It did on Scooby-Doo. 1056 00:42:53,337 --> 00:42:55,038 (THUDDING) 1057 00:42:59,944 --> 00:43:02,679 (DOOR CREAKING, CLOSES) 1058 00:43:02,681 --> 00:43:04,247 Malcolm, did you hear that? 1059 00:43:04,249 --> 00:43:05,748 Mm-hmm. 1060 00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:08,685 Then why are you pretending to be asleep? 1061 00:43:08,687 --> 00:43:09,852 'Cause I know if I'm up, 1062 00:43:09,854 --> 00:43:13,323 where them scary-ass noises are coming from. 1063 00:43:13,325 --> 00:43:15,158 (IMITATES SNORING) Get your black ass up. 1064 00:43:15,826 --> 00:43:17,193 See, man? 1065 00:43:22,633 --> 00:43:25,168 Kisha. 1066 00:43:25,170 --> 00:43:26,769 (WHISPERING) Camera. Get the camera. Get the camera. 1067 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,909 Whose plan was stupid now, Kisha? Hmm? 1068 00:43:32,911 --> 00:43:35,044 Pass me a bat. A bat? 1069 00:43:35,046 --> 00:43:36,212 You're gonna use a bat on a ghost? 1070 00:43:36,214 --> 00:43:38,748 I'm sorry. I left my proton pack in the car. 1071 00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:39,916 Pass me the bat. 1072 00:43:39,918 --> 00:43:41,985 This ghost's got some ugly-ass feet. 1073 00:43:41,987 --> 00:43:43,086 Looks more like an alien. 1074 00:43:43,921 --> 00:43:45,288 (THUDDING) 1075 00:43:45,290 --> 00:43:47,090 I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna do it. 1076 00:43:47,092 --> 00:43:48,858 I can't do it. I can't do it. What? 1077 00:43:48,860 --> 00:43:49,993 Malcolm! No, this... No. 1078 00:43:49,995 --> 00:43:51,361 This ain't what we do. 1079 00:43:51,363 --> 00:43:53,129 This is for white people. Will you grow some balls! 1080 00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:55,865 This is for white people. This ain't what niggers do. 1081 00:43:55,867 --> 00:43:58,635 We don't investigate. We run. We run, we live. 1082 00:43:58,637 --> 00:44:00,336 If we was in a movie theater, some black woman be screaming, 1083 00:44:00,338 --> 00:44:02,338 "Don't do it! Don't do it, boy! 1084 00:44:02,340 --> 00:44:04,407 "He behind there. He in there." 1085 00:44:04,409 --> 00:44:06,909 If we know he's in there, why the fuck are we going in there? 1086 00:44:06,911 --> 00:44:08,011 Come on, baby. 1087 00:44:08,013 --> 00:44:09,946 (WHIMPERING) I don't want to do it. 1088 00:44:09,948 --> 00:44:12,115 Stop it. What if it bites me? 1089 00:44:12,117 --> 00:44:14,050 It's not a zombie. It's a ghost. 1090 00:44:14,052 --> 00:44:16,085 You wanna play? That's right! 1091 00:44:16,087 --> 00:44:17,954 You hurt my mother. You killed my mother. 1092 00:44:17,956 --> 00:44:19,288 That's right! 1093 00:44:19,290 --> 00:44:21,290 That's not helping. It's not helping none. 1094 00:44:21,292 --> 00:44:23,226 You got this. Go. (INHALES) 1095 00:44:23,228 --> 00:44:24,894 (SCREAMS) 1096 00:44:24,896 --> 00:44:26,262 You want some of this? This is how we... 1097 00:44:26,264 --> 00:44:27,430 Get him! (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 1098 00:44:27,432 --> 00:44:29,165 Bust your... Whoop that ghost's ass! 1099 00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:32,301 Turn on the lights! Oh, my God! Rosa? 1100 00:44:32,303 --> 00:44:33,870 (GASPING) Rosa? Rosa! Rosa! 1101 00:44:33,872 --> 00:44:35,672 Si, senor! Que pasa? 1102 00:44:35,674 --> 00:44:37,974 Oh, my... I'm so sorry. I thought you... 1103 00:44:37,976 --> 00:44:40,810 I... I didn't know. I thought you was a ghost. 1104 00:44:40,812 --> 00:44:43,680 (COUGHS) Ghost? KISHA: Or an alien. 1105 00:44:43,682 --> 00:44:46,949 KISHA: I was talking about your feet, not your citizenship or lack thereof. 1106 00:44:46,951 --> 00:44:48,084 I quit. 1107 00:44:48,086 --> 00:44:49,786 See? Give me the camera! 1108 00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:50,887 Go fix this. 1109 00:44:50,889 --> 00:44:52,088 No! I'm not fixing nothing! 1110 00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:55,224 Oh, can't believe Rosa quit. 1111 00:44:55,226 --> 00:44:59,829 Yeah, well, you know, this is stressful on all of us. 1112 00:44:59,831 --> 00:45:02,198 I think I might have a little something to help alleviate 1113 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,900 some of that stress. 1114 00:45:03,902 --> 00:45:04,967 (REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING) 1115 00:45:04,969 --> 00:45:07,103 Take it. You hit it. Yeah? 1116 00:45:07,105 --> 00:45:09,806 Now you gonna go spit up the end and shit. (COUGHS) 1117 00:45:09,808 --> 00:45:11,074 Hold it, hold it. 1118 00:45:12,409 --> 00:45:13,443 (BLOWS) 1119 00:45:14,745 --> 00:45:17,380 Damn! 1120 00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:20,049 Yay! Bravo. Encore, encore. 1121 00:45:20,818 --> 00:45:23,052 I see a face in the chip. 1122 00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,887 (GIGGLES) It's got a mustache. 1123 00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:26,189 You're not moving... Never get high. 1124 00:45:26,191 --> 00:45:28,124 ...fast enough, Malcolm. Never get high 1125 00:45:28,126 --> 00:45:29,992 with people that don't know how to get high. 1126 00:45:29,994 --> 00:45:31,194 I'm baked. (INHALES) 1127 00:45:34,198 --> 00:45:36,899 (SPRINGS CREAKING) 1128 00:45:44,808 --> 00:45:47,343 (INHALES) 1129 00:45:48,345 --> 00:45:51,748 (COUGHS) 1130 00:45:57,888 --> 00:45:59,455 BOTH: Oh, shit. 1131 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,161 DISPATCHER: Los Angeles County, 911. 1132 00:46:05,163 --> 00:46:06,796 (DISPATCHER AND WOMAN CONVERSING) 1133 00:46:17,074 --> 00:46:19,108 My dick! 1134 00:46:21,378 --> 00:46:22,845 (DIAL TONE) He fell for it! 1135 00:46:23,947 --> 00:46:25,348 (CHILDLIKE VOICE) No, I don't want to. 1136 00:46:26,517 --> 00:46:29,218 Okay. Okay, I'll do it. 1137 00:46:34,526 --> 00:46:39,362 Yeah! That's a shotgun for your ass. Whoo-hoo-hoo! 1138 00:46:40,564 --> 00:46:43,099 (BOTH GASPING) 1139 00:46:43,101 --> 00:46:44,400 Is he gone? Oh, he's gone. 1140 00:46:44,402 --> 00:46:45,535 Wow! 1141 00:46:45,537 --> 00:46:47,336 That's that Criss Angel shit right there. 1142 00:46:47,338 --> 00:46:49,438 Yo, that ghost good. That ghost good. 1143 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,007 That ghost good. That ghost good. 1144 00:46:51,009 --> 00:46:52,441 (SCREAMS) 1145 00:46:56,113 --> 00:46:57,346 Oh, my God. What? 1146 00:46:57,348 --> 00:46:58,948 That was awesome! 1147 00:46:58,950 --> 00:47:00,249 (BOTH WHOOPING) 1148 00:47:06,456 --> 00:47:09,025 (GROANS) Disgusting! 1149 00:47:09,027 --> 00:47:11,194 Malcolm, wake up. Mmm? 1150 00:47:11,895 --> 00:47:13,429 You peed the bed. 1151 00:47:15,098 --> 00:47:16,199 What? 1152 00:47:16,201 --> 00:47:17,600 You peed the bed. 1153 00:47:17,602 --> 00:47:19,502 Oh, shit! Oh! 1154 00:47:21,038 --> 00:47:22,471 Oh, that's... 1155 00:47:22,473 --> 00:47:24,040 (KISHA LAUGHING) 1156 00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:25,908 That's not funny. 1157 00:47:25,910 --> 00:47:27,276 (KISHA LAUGHING) Oh, that's fucked up. 1158 00:47:28,045 --> 00:47:29,445 That's real fucked up. 1159 00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:34,317 MALCOLM: Hey, Steve, thanks a lot for bringing the Ouija board over, man. 1160 00:47:34,319 --> 00:47:35,384 I really appreciate that. Oh, no worries, bro. 1161 00:47:35,386 --> 00:47:36,485 Hopefully... MALCOLM: Hey, baby. 1162 00:47:36,487 --> 00:47:41,324 Oh, hey, Kisha, the dinner was so amazing. 1163 00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:45,461 The chicken was unbelievably tender and real juicy. 1164 00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:47,964 Oh, well, actually, that was all Malcolm. 1165 00:47:47,966 --> 00:47:50,333 Was it now? I'll be damned. 1166 00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:54,303 Well, thanks for letting me nibble on the leg because I love dark meat. 1167 00:47:54,305 --> 00:47:56,606 Mmm. Well, that is true. She eats it up. 1168 00:47:56,608 --> 00:47:58,474 MALCOLM: I bet she does. She eats it all up. 1169 00:47:58,476 --> 00:48:00,142 (HISSES) Yeah. 1170 00:48:00,144 --> 00:48:01,444 You guys are gonna love this wine. 1171 00:48:01,446 --> 00:48:03,212 It is a very robust red. 1172 00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:04,313 Yum. 1173 00:48:04,315 --> 00:48:06,449 Well, you know what they say. 1174 00:48:06,451 --> 00:48:08,618 "The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice." 1175 00:48:08,620 --> 00:48:10,119 Mm-hmm. 1176 00:48:10,121 --> 00:48:12,955 Okay, y'all need to cut this out. 1177 00:48:12,957 --> 00:48:14,490 Well, you know what? Normally, we don't have to chase this hard. 1178 00:48:14,492 --> 00:48:15,992 Mm-hmm. 1179 00:48:15,994 --> 00:48:17,393 Steve... Hmm? 1180 00:48:17,395 --> 00:48:19,962 I was talking about that stupid board. 1181 00:48:19,964 --> 00:48:21,964 Oh. KISHA: Oh. 1182 00:48:21,966 --> 00:48:24,100 MALCOLM: Baby, I just want to communicate with it. 1183 00:48:24,102 --> 00:48:25,935 (SIGHS) 1184 00:48:25,937 --> 00:48:28,604 Are you a ghost or a demon? 1185 00:48:31,441 --> 00:48:33,075 Who's doing that? Malcolm. Who's doing that? 1186 00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:34,610 I don't know. It's not me. I swear to God. 1187 00:48:34,612 --> 00:48:37,280 "G." 1188 00:48:37,282 --> 00:48:38,481 You guys. 1189 00:48:38,483 --> 00:48:40,449 "O." 1190 00:48:40,451 --> 00:48:42,318 Steve, are you pushing this? I'm not doing anything. 1191 00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:44,287 Oh, what? "S." 1192 00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:45,421 Go where... 1193 00:48:46,456 --> 00:48:47,590 "T." 1194 00:48:49,293 --> 00:48:51,661 A "gost?" What the hell is a "gost"? 1195 00:48:51,663 --> 00:48:54,163 Oh, maybe he's trying to spell "ghost." 1196 00:48:54,165 --> 00:48:55,531 Are you trying to spell "ghost"? 1197 00:48:57,234 --> 00:48:58,334 You're doing that? 1198 00:48:58,336 --> 00:48:59,502 No. I'm not moving it, I swear. 1199 00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:02,705 "Yes." 1200 00:49:04,174 --> 00:49:06,642 Wait. So, he just spelled "ghost" "gost." 1201 00:49:06,644 --> 00:49:08,244 (LAUGHS) 1202 00:49:08,246 --> 00:49:11,681 What kind of illiterate, bitch-ass ghost is this? 1203 00:49:11,683 --> 00:49:14,317 Please. Can you please use "gost" in a sentence? 1204 00:49:14,319 --> 00:49:16,152 Yeah, right. (LAUGHS) 1205 00:49:16,154 --> 00:49:17,687 Up yours, you stupid "gost." 1206 00:49:17,689 --> 00:49:19,255 (LAUGHING) 1207 00:49:19,257 --> 00:49:20,489 He probably dyslexic, too. 1208 00:49:20,491 --> 00:49:23,025 He probably spells "boo," O-O-B. 1209 00:49:23,027 --> 00:49:24,393 Ooh! (RUMBLING) 1210 00:49:24,395 --> 00:49:26,128 Oh. Oh. 1211 00:49:26,730 --> 00:49:28,497 (JENNY SCREAMS) Whoa, whoa! 1212 00:49:30,133 --> 00:49:31,701 Somebody's sensitive. 1213 00:49:31,703 --> 00:49:32,969 And stupid. 1214 00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:36,339 (LAUGHING) 1215 00:49:36,341 --> 00:49:38,374 You know what? I think we'll probably just show ourselves out. 1216 00:49:49,486 --> 00:49:51,320 (THUDS) 1217 00:49:51,322 --> 00:49:53,222 (BODY DRAGGING) 1218 00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:06,068 (MOANING) 1219 00:50:06,370 --> 00:50:07,703 (SLURPS) 1220 00:50:07,705 --> 00:50:09,171 Good morning, honey. 1221 00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:10,206 Good morning. Mmm. 1222 00:50:12,109 --> 00:50:13,209 Hey. (LAUGHS) 1223 00:50:13,410 --> 00:50:14,510 Mmm. 1224 00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:16,412 Well, all right. 1225 00:50:16,414 --> 00:50:23,152 (SIGHS) Baby, that is the best night's sleep I've had since I moved in. 1226 00:50:23,154 --> 00:50:24,787 Well, maybe because you made me sleep in the other room. 1227 00:50:26,223 --> 00:50:28,190 What are you talking about? 1228 00:50:28,192 --> 00:50:30,059 We had a breakthrough last night. 1229 00:50:30,594 --> 00:50:32,461 A breakthrough? Really? 1230 00:50:32,463 --> 00:50:34,296 Yes, Malcolm. 1231 00:50:34,298 --> 00:50:39,301 The way that you touched me, caressed me, made love to me. 1232 00:50:39,303 --> 00:50:41,337 (GRUNTS) 1233 00:50:41,339 --> 00:50:43,305 What are you talking about? 1234 00:50:43,307 --> 00:50:45,775 Malcolm, we had sex last night! 1235 00:50:45,777 --> 00:50:47,476 No, we didn't. 1236 00:50:47,478 --> 00:50:49,445 Yes, we did. For about two hours! 1237 00:50:49,447 --> 00:50:51,580 Uh, that definitely wasn't me. (SCOFFS) 1238 00:50:51,582 --> 00:50:53,482 Well, who else could it have been? 1239 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:57,520 No, get off of me! 1240 00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:01,424 (COMPUTER TONE) (TYPING) 1241 00:51:05,796 --> 00:51:07,329 (MOANS) 1242 00:51:07,331 --> 00:51:09,498 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 1243 00:51:12,502 --> 00:51:16,138 Mmm. (SLURPING) 1244 00:51:16,140 --> 00:51:17,373 Mmm, Malcolm. 1245 00:51:17,707 --> 00:51:19,508 What? 1246 00:51:19,510 --> 00:51:20,810 KISHA: (ON COMPUTER) Ooh, that's new. 1247 00:51:20,812 --> 00:51:23,813 (LOUD MOANING) 1248 00:51:23,815 --> 00:51:27,616 Oh. Are you doing the alphabet? 1249 00:51:27,618 --> 00:51:29,552 Uh-uh, nigger, clean your plate. Come on. 1250 00:51:29,554 --> 00:51:30,653 (GHOST GURGLES) 1251 00:51:30,655 --> 00:51:34,223 Slob it down, slob it down. 1252 00:51:34,225 --> 00:51:36,325 Waterboarding your ass. (GRUNTS) 1253 00:51:37,494 --> 00:51:38,761 Mm, Malcolm. Did you grow? 1254 00:51:38,763 --> 00:51:40,362 (GROANS) 1255 00:51:40,364 --> 00:51:42,798 Ride the pony! Ride it. Oh! 1256 00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,467 (GASPING) 1257 00:51:44,469 --> 00:51:46,669 Oh! Get it! Get it! Get it! Oh, I've had it. 1258 00:51:46,671 --> 00:51:49,705 Oh, yeah! Dip it! Dip it down! 1259 00:51:50,541 --> 00:51:53,209 Why don't I finish up... I can't watch anymore. 1260 00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:54,743 I just can't watch anymore. I'll finish. 1261 00:51:54,745 --> 00:51:57,213 (MOANING) 1262 00:51:57,215 --> 00:51:59,615 (DEMONIC MOANING) 1263 00:51:59,617 --> 00:52:02,485 (WHIMPERING) (MOANS) 1264 00:52:02,487 --> 00:52:04,253 KISHA: Uh-uh, you ain't done yet. 1265 00:52:04,255 --> 00:52:08,424 (LIQUID RUSHING) (KISHA SCREAMING) 1266 00:52:08,426 --> 00:52:12,228 (GASPS) (MOANING) 1267 00:52:12,230 --> 00:52:13,762 (LIQUID RUSHING CONTINUES) 1268 00:52:13,764 --> 00:52:15,865 I had no idea you was a squirter. 1269 00:52:17,868 --> 00:52:19,568 Neither did I? 1270 00:52:22,839 --> 00:52:24,840 Hey. Don't touch me. 1271 00:52:24,842 --> 00:52:28,644 (GASPS) You seriously have an attitude with me right now? 1272 00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:31,247 You liked it. What? 1273 00:52:31,249 --> 00:52:33,182 You heard me. You liked it. 1274 00:52:33,184 --> 00:52:35,618 You like having sex with that thing 1275 00:52:35,620 --> 00:52:36,886 more than you like having sex with me. 1276 00:52:36,888 --> 00:52:38,487 (SCOFFS) 1277 00:52:38,489 --> 00:52:41,590 Malcolm, I was asleep. 1278 00:52:41,592 --> 00:52:42,658 Mm-hmm. Talk to the hand. I was... 1279 00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:44,160 That's the hand. Talk to it. 1280 00:52:44,162 --> 00:52:45,427 I was asleep, okay? 1281 00:52:45,429 --> 00:52:46,896 I didn't know I was having sex with a ghost. 1282 00:52:46,898 --> 00:52:48,597 Aha! 1283 00:52:48,599 --> 00:52:50,900 You just admitted to having sex with a ghost! 1284 00:52:50,902 --> 00:52:54,336 And you liked it! "Oh, Malcolm, you grew." 1285 00:52:54,905 --> 00:52:56,272 What happened, Kisha? 1286 00:52:56,274 --> 00:52:57,840 I'm not adequate enough for you? 1287 00:52:57,842 --> 00:53:01,243 Huh? I'm sorry. I tried Extense, Kisha. 1288 00:53:01,245 --> 00:53:02,478 Went through the whole program. 1289 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,214 I did Cialis, Viagra and Maca. 1290 00:53:05,216 --> 00:53:06,682 Okay. All it did was get me dizzy, 1291 00:53:06,684 --> 00:53:08,484 you know... Okay, stop it, all right? 1292 00:53:08,486 --> 00:53:10,452 That is not fair! I was anally bleeding 1293 00:53:10,454 --> 00:53:11,954 for a month, and you didn't even know. 1294 00:53:11,956 --> 00:53:13,956 Listen, that is not fair, 1295 00:53:13,958 --> 00:53:16,759 because I'm the one who was violated, not you. 1296 00:53:21,264 --> 00:53:22,698 I'm sorry. 1297 00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:24,567 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1298 00:53:26,469 --> 00:53:28,737 (SIGHS) Must have been a horrific experience for you. 1299 00:53:28,739 --> 00:53:30,472 I'm sorry. 1300 00:53:30,474 --> 00:53:33,209 Eh, could have been worse. 1301 00:53:33,211 --> 00:53:34,243 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1302 00:53:35,412 --> 00:53:36,512 Hey, cuz... Ray-Ray. 1303 00:53:36,514 --> 00:53:37,613 You got a beef up in here? 1304 00:53:37,615 --> 00:53:39,748 Lots of niggers. Not beef. Hey... 1305 00:53:39,750 --> 00:53:41,817 Hey, what the fuck is you taping for, Kisha? 1306 00:53:41,819 --> 00:53:43,886 We thugs. We can't be on no TV! 1307 00:53:43,888 --> 00:53:45,821 KISHA: Shut up, Ray-Ray. 1308 00:53:45,823 --> 00:53:47,823 Get the fuck off me. Okay. Sorry. 1309 00:53:47,825 --> 00:53:49,325 So, what's going on with this beef, homey? 1310 00:53:49,327 --> 00:53:51,460 It's that old bitch next door, ain't it, homey? 1311 00:53:51,462 --> 00:53:53,229 Yeah, she was eyeballing me, cuz, 1312 00:53:53,231 --> 00:53:55,297 when I was all up in her windowsill last night. 1313 00:53:55,299 --> 00:53:57,766 But she got a nice body, though, cuz. 1314 00:53:57,768 --> 00:53:59,735 You know, like a sexy-ass baked potato, homey. 1315 00:53:59,737 --> 00:54:00,936 It's not like that. 1316 00:54:00,938 --> 00:54:02,638 What the fuck is it like, then, homey? 1317 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,974 Well, someone's coming between me and Kisha. 1318 00:54:04,976 --> 00:54:06,976 Somebody fucked your girl, cuz? 1319 00:54:06,978 --> 00:54:08,611 Well, not... I be the one that fucked your girl! 1320 00:54:08,613 --> 00:54:10,379 KISHA: Oh, please. 1321 00:54:10,381 --> 00:54:12,281 How you let somebody fuck your girl before me, cuz? 1322 00:54:12,283 --> 00:54:13,515 We family, nigger! 1323 00:54:13,517 --> 00:54:14,717 I... I'm sorry... Kinda. 1324 00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,653 How the fuck do you "kinda" bang Kisha, homey? 1325 00:54:17,655 --> 00:54:20,289 Did he have one pant leg in, one pant leg out? 1326 00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:22,324 Like, he wasn't even interested in fucking her, homey? 1327 00:54:22,326 --> 00:54:23,993 Like, he had somewhere better to be, homey? 1328 00:54:23,995 --> 00:54:26,028 KISHA: Okay, Ray-Ray, that is not what it's like. 1329 00:54:26,030 --> 00:54:29,298 And can you please tell your Negro to back the hell up off me? 1330 00:54:29,300 --> 00:54:31,634 Hey! Pelvis back 2 inches, homey. 1331 00:54:31,636 --> 00:54:33,636 But stay up on her, though. 1332 00:54:33,638 --> 00:54:35,437 What the fuck is it like then, Kisha? Hmm? 1333 00:54:35,439 --> 00:54:36,705 If you listen, I'll tell you. 1334 00:54:36,707 --> 00:54:38,340 You tell me! 1335 00:54:38,342 --> 00:54:40,709 I can't wait to get my hands on this fool. 1336 00:54:40,711 --> 00:54:42,544 Come on out, cuz! KISHA: Ray-Ray, cut it out. 1337 00:54:42,546 --> 00:54:44,313 You're gonna make it mad. 1338 00:54:47,484 --> 00:54:50,352 I don't give a fuck, Kisha! 1339 00:54:50,354 --> 00:54:53,289 He should be worried about making Ray-Ray mad up in here, bitch! 1340 00:54:53,291 --> 00:54:54,723 KISHA: Who you callin' a bitch? 1341 00:54:54,725 --> 00:54:55,858 Show yourself! 1342 00:54:55,860 --> 00:54:57,026 No, Ray, don't do that! Don't... 1343 00:54:57,028 --> 00:54:58,794 (RUMBLING) 1344 00:55:01,331 --> 00:55:03,065 What the fuck is that? 1345 00:55:03,067 --> 00:55:04,800 A ghost, Ray. 1346 00:55:05,902 --> 00:55:07,903 A "ghost" ghost? A "ghost" ghost. 1347 00:55:07,905 --> 00:55:10,906 KISHA: Yes! Ray-Ray, that's what we've been trying 1348 00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:12,841 to tell you for 15 minutes! 1349 00:55:13,510 --> 00:55:15,010 You idiot. 1350 00:55:15,012 --> 00:55:19,715 What the... What in the hell... 1351 00:55:21,017 --> 00:55:22,918 What happened to your furniture, cuz? 1352 00:55:23,953 --> 00:55:26,355 (ALL SCREAMING) 1353 00:55:31,594 --> 00:55:33,095 Get your hands up, cuz! 1354 00:55:33,097 --> 00:55:34,430 You're trying to get me killed, cuz. 1355 00:55:34,432 --> 00:55:35,831 I didn't, Ray-Ray! Ray! 1356 00:55:36,866 --> 00:55:38,000 God! 1357 00:55:38,935 --> 00:55:40,002 (SOBS) 1358 00:55:40,737 --> 00:55:41,837 My stuff! 1359 00:55:43,540 --> 00:55:46,041 KISHA: Babe, you got to admit, it's kind of impressive. 1360 00:55:52,582 --> 00:55:55,050 Perfume? Hey! (LAUGHS) 1361 00:55:55,052 --> 00:55:57,553 Yeah, it's new. It's called Entity. 1362 00:55:57,555 --> 00:56:00,055 I like it. (CHUCKLES) 1363 00:56:00,057 --> 00:56:02,124 What's the occasion? What's up? 1364 00:56:02,126 --> 00:56:05,094 Malcolm, is it a crime to want to sleep 1365 00:56:05,096 --> 00:56:06,729 (LOUDLY) with no panties on? 1366 00:56:09,632 --> 00:56:12,568 I get it. This... This ain't for me. 1367 00:56:12,570 --> 00:56:13,936 (SIGHS) This is for him. 1368 00:56:13,938 --> 00:56:15,838 Who are you talking about? 1369 00:56:16,773 --> 00:56:18,607 You know exactly who I'm talking about. 1370 00:56:18,609 --> 00:56:21,410 For your little supernatural lover. 1371 00:56:21,412 --> 00:56:22,778 Malcolm, you're being ridiculous, 1372 00:56:22,780 --> 00:56:24,580 and I'm gonna say this right now. 1373 00:56:24,582 --> 00:56:26,482 Insecurity is not attractive. 1374 00:56:26,484 --> 00:56:28,650 Yeah? Well, being a paranormal jump-off 1375 00:56:28,652 --> 00:56:31,754 is not attractive either, hon. Good night. 1376 00:56:31,756 --> 00:56:33,655 You're taking this too far. Whatever. 1377 00:56:33,657 --> 00:56:35,624 I have no interest in a ghost. 1378 00:56:46,503 --> 00:56:48,537 You gonna try and contact him? 1379 00:56:49,839 --> 00:56:51,073 Good night! I was gonna... 1380 00:56:51,075 --> 00:56:52,007 Good night! 1381 00:57:10,026 --> 00:57:11,894 (MURMURS) (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 1382 00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:16,198 (RUMBLING) 1383 00:57:35,852 --> 00:57:37,820 (GRUNTING) 1384 00:57:40,190 --> 00:57:42,825 (GRUNTING, SCREAMING) 1385 00:57:47,163 --> 00:57:48,831 (GROANS) 1386 00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:54,036 (SIGHS) 1387 00:57:54,038 --> 00:57:56,538 (MALCOLM GRUNTING ON COMPUTER) 1388 00:57:58,208 --> 00:57:59,875 Get off of me! (GROANING) 1389 00:58:03,513 --> 00:58:05,180 Baby. Hey! 1390 00:58:05,182 --> 00:58:06,582 Hey. Hey. 1391 00:58:06,584 --> 00:58:07,950 What's... What's up with the donut? 1392 00:58:07,952 --> 00:58:11,887 Oh, uh, I just got a little hemorrhoid, that's all. 1393 00:58:11,889 --> 00:58:13,522 Oh, I'm sorry. Hurts. 1394 00:58:13,524 --> 00:58:16,058 So, anything happen eventful last night? 1395 00:58:16,060 --> 00:58:19,261 No, nothing eventful. Just, you know, the usual. 1396 00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:22,097 Just, like, you know, door slams, stuff like that. 1397 00:58:22,099 --> 00:58:23,532 Oh. I wanna see. (RAPID TYPING) 1398 00:58:23,534 --> 00:58:24,733 (GRUNTING) Nope, nope. 1399 00:58:24,735 --> 00:58:25,667 Nothing for you to see, baby. 1400 00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:27,102 Wait! Baby! 1401 00:58:27,104 --> 00:58:28,637 Hey! 1402 00:58:28,639 --> 00:58:29,872 Can you... So rude! Stop! Stop! 1403 00:58:29,874 --> 00:58:31,073 Hey! Malcolm! Would you... 1404 00:58:31,075 --> 00:58:32,808 Cut it... Just gotta do... 1405 00:58:32,810 --> 00:58:34,076 (GASPS) Oh, my! You know what? 1406 00:58:34,078 --> 00:58:35,911 You... You got altar-boyed. 1407 00:58:35,913 --> 00:58:37,246 You know what? 1408 00:58:37,248 --> 00:58:39,548 You can't... Malcolm, hold on a second. 1409 00:58:39,550 --> 00:58:41,583 No, no, no, no, no! You just uploaded it! 1410 00:58:41,585 --> 00:58:42,684 No, no, no! 1411 00:58:42,686 --> 00:58:44,019 Oh, no! 1412 00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:48,757 You're gonna be bigger than Charlie Bit My Finger. 1413 00:58:48,759 --> 00:58:50,058 (WHEEZES) 1414 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:55,931 Say hello to the camera. 1415 00:58:55,933 --> 00:58:59,668 Get the camera out my face. I'm not in the mood. Stop it! 1416 00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:05,040 Now that you've been touched by an angel, suddenly you're camera shy? 1417 00:59:06,109 --> 00:59:08,277 Let me ask you a question, Kisha. 1418 00:59:08,279 --> 00:59:10,045 Is this the first ghost you slept with? 1419 00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:12,748 Or it's the first one I caught you with? 1420 00:59:12,750 --> 00:59:14,249 You wanna go there? Yeah, I wanna go there. 1421 00:59:14,251 --> 00:59:15,617 When did you become ghost pussy? 1422 00:59:15,619 --> 00:59:20,556 Maybe I wouldn't need a ghost if I was with a real man! 1423 00:59:20,558 --> 00:59:24,860 There are Super Bowl ads that last longer than you do! 1424 00:59:24,862 --> 00:59:28,230 People wait all year for those Super Bowl ads, baby. 1425 00:59:28,232 --> 00:59:29,765 All year! 1426 00:59:29,767 --> 00:59:32,034 And maybe it's 'cause every time I see you naked, 1427 00:59:32,036 --> 00:59:34,136 all I can think about is you sitting on the toilet, 1428 00:59:34,138 --> 00:59:38,040 I'm sorry, Kisha. Some things just shouldn't be shared. 1429 00:59:38,042 --> 00:59:39,207 I let my guard down and... 1430 00:59:39,209 --> 00:59:40,742 Oh, you let your guard down. 1431 00:59:40,744 --> 00:59:41,810 ...you're gonna throw it back in my face? 1432 00:59:41,812 --> 00:59:43,111 You killed my dog! 1433 00:59:43,113 --> 00:59:44,713 (WHOOPS) You have not let this go! 1434 00:59:44,715 --> 00:59:45,781 Yeah, let's go there. 1435 00:59:45,783 --> 00:59:46,882 I did not kill your dog! 1436 00:59:46,884 --> 00:59:48,350 You dog murderer. 1437 00:59:48,352 --> 00:59:50,118 That was my baby, and you killed it on purpose! 1438 00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:51,186 Oh, your baby was 87 years old! 1439 00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:53,655 (SCREAMS) Shh. 1440 00:59:54,190 --> 00:59:55,190 (PANTING) 1441 00:59:56,192 --> 00:59:57,859 Okay. Okay. 1442 00:59:57,861 --> 00:59:59,027 All right, come on. Let's go outside. 1443 00:59:59,029 --> 01:00:00,996 Okay. Okay. Come on. 1444 01:00:00,998 --> 01:00:03,065 Okay. Go! Okay. 1445 01:00:03,067 --> 01:00:05,767 Well, you heard the psychic, all right? 1446 01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:07,135 It feeds off of negative energy. 1447 01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:08,770 All of your arguing is making it stronger. 1448 01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:09,771 My arguing? My arguing? (RUMBLING) 1449 01:00:09,773 --> 01:00:10,906 You're the one that... 1450 01:00:10,908 --> 01:00:12,174 That's right. 1451 01:00:12,176 --> 01:00:13,308 We have to stop fighting. I can't. 1452 01:00:13,310 --> 01:00:14,743 You are getting on my nerves. 1453 01:00:14,745 --> 01:00:16,678 Well, just pretend. 1454 01:00:18,381 --> 01:00:20,248 (RUMBLING) 1455 01:00:22,051 --> 01:00:24,186 (CUP RATTLES) 1456 01:00:25,922 --> 01:00:27,656 Good thing we switched to plastic. 1457 01:00:28,057 --> 01:00:29,825 (RUMBLING) 1458 01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:32,694 (RATTLING) 1459 01:00:37,100 --> 01:00:38,734 We'll have to get that pot rack looked at. 1460 01:00:38,736 --> 01:00:40,235 Mm-hmm. 1461 01:00:47,810 --> 01:00:51,213 (TEA KETTLE WHISTLES) 1462 01:00:51,215 --> 01:00:52,147 Tea's ready. Mmm. 1463 01:00:58,921 --> 01:01:00,789 (RUMBLING) 1464 01:01:02,725 --> 01:01:04,126 I'm gonna make a run to Starbucks. 1465 01:01:13,102 --> 01:01:14,436 Can you pick me up a latte? 1466 01:01:14,438 --> 01:01:15,737 You got it! 1467 01:01:23,913 --> 01:01:26,682 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 1468 01:01:29,686 --> 01:01:30,786 (GRUNTS) 1469 01:01:30,788 --> 01:01:31,853 (SCREAMS) 1470 01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:32,954 Malcolm! 1471 01:01:34,724 --> 01:01:36,191 (SCREAMING) 1472 01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:41,830 (GRUNTS) 1473 01:01:41,832 --> 01:01:44,032 Yeah! I kicked you in your ghost balls! 1474 01:01:44,034 --> 01:01:45,467 I got some for you... 1475 01:01:45,469 --> 01:01:47,102 (GRUNTS, SCREAMS) 1476 01:01:47,770 --> 01:01:48,904 (SCREAMS) 1477 01:01:49,906 --> 01:01:51,239 Malcolm! 1478 01:01:51,241 --> 01:01:54,242 Wake up! Nigger, open your eyes! 1479 01:01:54,244 --> 01:01:56,812 (SCREAMS) Take off those damn headphones! 1480 01:01:56,814 --> 01:01:58,480 Malcolm! 1481 01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:00,115 (THUDS) 1482 01:02:00,950 --> 01:02:02,217 (PANTING) 1483 01:02:02,952 --> 01:02:04,419 Malcolm! 1484 01:02:04,421 --> 01:02:06,388 (SCREAMING) Malcolm! 1485 01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:13,962 (RAP MUSIC CONTINUES) 1486 01:02:19,435 --> 01:02:21,470 (MUTTERING) Yeah, listen. Something's wrong with Kisha. 1487 01:02:21,472 --> 01:02:23,472 No, no, she's been cleaning all morning. 1488 01:02:24,974 --> 01:02:27,876 Dude, Kisha don't clean. 1489 01:02:27,878 --> 01:02:30,212 That's good, baby. Not the couch, honey! Not the couch. 1490 01:02:30,214 --> 01:02:32,147 Not the couch. Yes, the floor. 1491 01:02:32,149 --> 01:02:34,783 Yeah, good girl, good girl. (CHUCKLES) 1492 01:02:34,785 --> 01:02:37,185 Yo, man, earlier, I caught her masturbating 1493 01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:39,821 with a crucifix. 1494 01:02:39,823 --> 01:02:41,356 (GROANING) Kisha? 1495 01:02:43,059 --> 01:02:44,259 Wouldn't you rather use this? 1496 01:02:45,394 --> 01:02:46,928 (WHIRRING) 1497 01:02:48,097 --> 01:02:49,464 (GROANING) 1498 01:02:49,466 --> 01:02:50,432 Okay. 1499 01:02:51,901 --> 01:02:53,268 Exactly. I'm... 1500 01:02:55,471 --> 01:02:57,205 Uh, dude, I gotta go. 1501 01:02:57,207 --> 01:03:00,041 No, she's walking the dog. 1502 01:03:00,043 --> 01:03:02,244 What's wrong with that? The dog is dead. 1503 01:03:02,246 --> 01:03:04,780 I gotta go. Uh, Kisha? 1504 01:03:05,882 --> 01:03:07,916 Kisha. Oh, boy. Kisha! 1505 01:03:09,051 --> 01:03:11,253 Kisha? Baby? 1506 01:03:13,222 --> 01:03:16,358 Listen, I just wanted to apologize for the way I been acting. 1507 01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:20,328 and I don't want anything to come between us. 1508 01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:23,398 And what the hell is that Twilightshit on your neck? 1509 01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:26,535 (ROARS) Oh, my God! Oh, God! 1510 01:03:26,537 --> 01:03:27,969 What the hell? (PANTING) 1511 01:03:29,305 --> 01:03:31,439 Oh, yeah. She is definitely on the rag. 1512 01:03:33,276 --> 01:03:35,010 MALCOLM: Oh, Father. Thank God you could make it. 1513 01:03:35,945 --> 01:03:37,479 Nigger, call me "Doug." 1514 01:03:37,481 --> 01:03:39,548 I don't like being called "Father." No way. 1515 01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:42,217 Plus, I got a couple issues with a few people out there 1516 01:03:42,219 --> 01:03:44,386 claiming false child support. 1517 01:03:44,388 --> 01:03:46,521 I mean, just 'cause the little nigger got my eyes, 1518 01:03:46,523 --> 01:03:49,491 my nose, my extremely rare AB-negative blood type, 1519 01:03:49,493 --> 01:03:52,127 don't mean I'm the damn daddy. 1520 01:03:52,129 --> 01:03:54,196 Plus, I'm still in training. 1521 01:03:54,198 --> 01:03:55,997 At the seminary? 1522 01:03:55,999 --> 01:03:57,365 No, the penitentiary. 1523 01:03:57,367 --> 01:03:59,167 What? Shit, nigger, 1524 01:03:59,169 --> 01:04:01,136 I've been incarcerated 15 years. 1525 01:04:01,138 --> 01:04:03,471 Oh. But you learn a lot out there reading on the yard. 1526 01:04:03,473 --> 01:04:06,241 You shank a nigger, come in, read the scripture. 1527 01:04:06,243 --> 01:04:08,376 Shank a motherfucker, read the scripture. 1528 01:04:08,378 --> 01:04:09,945 You gonna let a nigger in or what? 1529 01:04:09,947 --> 01:04:13,281 Damn. Standing out here, nigger. It's cold as hell. 1530 01:04:16,319 --> 01:04:17,319 Ooh. 1531 01:04:17,321 --> 01:04:21,156 Uh, bro, I'm gonna have to level with you. 1532 01:04:21,158 --> 01:04:23,158 This bitch don't look right. 1533 01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:27,095 I mean, she look all ashy and shit, and just... 1534 01:04:27,097 --> 01:04:29,364 You know, like E.T. with a weave. 1535 01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:31,066 If I was you, I'd just be out. 1536 01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:32,534 Let's just go. Come on. Let's go. 1537 01:04:32,536 --> 01:04:35,136 Uh, I... I can't leave her. That's my girl. 1538 01:04:35,138 --> 01:04:36,471 Are you kidding me? Come on, man. 1539 01:04:36,473 --> 01:04:38,139 There's so much pussy in the world, man. 1540 01:04:38,141 --> 01:04:39,608 You don't have to be with just her. 1541 01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:41,009 Come to the congregation. 1542 01:04:41,011 --> 01:04:43,011 I've got a few in the congregation, 1543 01:04:43,013 --> 01:04:44,479 I'm trying to tell you. Check this out. 1544 01:04:44,481 --> 01:04:45,413 (CELL PHONE BEEPS) 1545 01:04:46,349 --> 01:04:48,183 (LAUGHS) 1546 01:04:48,185 --> 01:04:49,484 Now, I know she look old. 1547 01:04:49,486 --> 01:04:51,653 I know she... But she a freak, and she got skills. 1548 01:04:51,655 --> 01:04:53,555 MALCOLM: Can we go in there and just save her? 1549 01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:55,991 Yo! Yo, dawg, you yelling at me right now? 1550 01:04:55,993 --> 01:04:58,293 I know you just didn't scream on me, dawg. 1551 01:04:58,295 --> 01:05:00,662 I'm here to exorcise your bitch, man. 1552 01:05:00,664 --> 01:05:02,964 So you wanna go in the room. All the way in? 1553 01:05:04,500 --> 01:05:06,434 Look at her hair. Her hair's all crazy. 1554 01:05:07,637 --> 01:05:09,170 You think I'm scared right now, but I'm not. 1555 01:05:09,172 --> 01:05:10,305 I didn't think you was scared. 1556 01:05:10,307 --> 01:05:12,007 No, I'm just a little concerned 1557 01:05:12,009 --> 01:05:14,276 that I don't have the right stuff. 1558 01:05:14,278 --> 01:05:16,177 Do you have, like, a loaded gun? 1559 01:05:16,179 --> 01:05:17,479 I'll shank this bitch for you. 1560 01:05:17,481 --> 01:05:21,383 (GRUNTS) (EXHALES) 1561 01:05:21,385 --> 01:05:24,185 It's cold as a motherfucker in here, man. Y'all ain't got no heat? 1562 01:05:26,022 --> 01:05:28,323 How you doing, crazy bitch? 1563 01:05:28,325 --> 01:05:29,457 Kisha. 1564 01:05:29,459 --> 01:05:32,260 Kisha, I'm Father Doug. 1565 01:05:33,195 --> 01:05:36,064 I'm here to un-possess you. 1566 01:05:36,066 --> 01:05:38,400 Wait a minute. She's moving. 1567 01:05:38,402 --> 01:05:42,504 This is some crazy-ass shit, man. 1568 01:05:42,506 --> 01:05:43,972 (IN A POSSESSED VOICE) Who are you? 1569 01:05:45,541 --> 01:05:48,043 (STAMMERS) I wasn't expecting her to talk. 1570 01:05:48,045 --> 01:05:49,311 I'm Father Doug. 1571 01:05:49,313 --> 01:05:51,479 Connect the cut. Connect the cut. 1572 01:05:51,481 --> 01:05:53,548 (STAMMERS) 1573 01:05:53,550 --> 01:05:56,251 Connect the cut. Connect the cut. Connect the cut. 1574 01:05:56,253 --> 01:05:59,120 Oh, oh, that's some of that Busta Rhymes shit 1575 01:05:59,122 --> 01:06:00,322 she doin' right there. 1576 01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:02,424 She's on that Bus A Bus. 1577 01:06:02,426 --> 01:06:04,559 It's kinda more like Twista, though. It's real fast. 1578 01:06:04,561 --> 01:06:06,561 (SCATTING) 1579 01:06:09,432 --> 01:06:11,599 Do you know how to connect the cuts? 1580 01:06:18,741 --> 01:06:21,076 Uh, uh, uh. 1581 01:06:21,078 --> 01:06:23,211 Tic-tac-toe in your face! 1582 01:06:23,213 --> 01:06:25,447 Straight X's, straight across, diagonal. 1583 01:06:25,449 --> 01:06:27,582 I almost had your ass the other way. 1584 01:06:27,584 --> 01:06:31,186 Tic-tac-toe on your arm, connect the cuts. 1585 01:06:31,188 --> 01:06:32,520 That's what she was saying, "Connect the cuts." 1586 01:06:33,389 --> 01:06:35,557 I wanna show you something. 1587 01:06:39,195 --> 01:06:43,765 "Suck it." That's gangsta! That's gangsta. 1588 01:06:43,767 --> 01:06:45,367 You wanna see mine? 1589 01:06:45,369 --> 01:06:51,039 Check this out. I did a little something a while back. 1590 01:06:51,041 --> 01:06:53,775 I did that in prison. Yeah, you know, 1591 01:06:53,777 --> 01:06:56,244 it hurt. But, you know, 1592 01:06:56,246 --> 01:06:58,279 you gotta go through it. You gotta earn it. 1593 01:06:58,281 --> 01:07:00,215 Everybody went crazy. They was like, 1594 01:07:00,217 --> 01:07:02,150 "No, you didn't! You so hard, dawg!" 1595 01:07:02,152 --> 01:07:03,718 I had control of that TV for a month. 1596 01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:05,353 (HISSES) 1597 01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,589 Would you like to see my paintings? 1598 01:07:09,091 --> 01:07:10,725 Sure. Of course. 1599 01:07:10,727 --> 01:07:15,163 You know, I consider myself a bit of an art aficionado. 1600 01:07:15,165 --> 01:07:17,232 (WHISPERS) I think it's going well. It's going good. 1601 01:07:19,402 --> 01:07:21,136 Mm-hmm. 1602 01:07:21,138 --> 01:07:23,071 If, uh... 1603 01:07:23,073 --> 01:07:25,407 Well, you know, if I can be perfectly honest with you, 1604 01:07:25,409 --> 01:07:26,608 it's your technique that's sloppy. 1605 01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:28,176 But that's, you know, 1606 01:07:28,178 --> 01:07:30,412 to be expected from someone that's possessed. 1607 01:07:32,681 --> 01:07:35,050 (RUMBLING) 1608 01:07:37,653 --> 01:07:39,254 Hmm? 1609 01:07:39,256 --> 01:07:41,589 (DEMONIC SCREAMING) 1610 01:07:42,691 --> 01:07:45,226 (GAGS) Ah! 1611 01:07:46,362 --> 01:07:47,762 Damn, that made my breath stink. 1612 01:07:48,664 --> 01:07:51,332 Man, that breath is kickin'! 1613 01:07:51,334 --> 01:07:53,601 I can only imagine what the kitty smell like. 1614 01:07:53,603 --> 01:07:55,603 Pure evil. 1615 01:07:55,605 --> 01:07:57,072 Goddamn. 1616 01:08:02,144 --> 01:08:04,546 I'm Dan "the Man" Kearney and today on Ghost Guys 1617 01:08:04,548 --> 01:08:07,082 we're investigating paranormal activity 1618 01:08:07,084 --> 01:08:09,350 at the Johnson residence in suburban Los Angeles. 1619 01:08:09,352 --> 01:08:11,186 This is going be very unsettling. 1620 01:08:11,188 --> 01:08:13,088 Not like those other fake ghost hunter shows. 1621 01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:14,489 This stuff is real. 1622 01:08:14,491 --> 01:08:18,159 And I don't mean like, "I saw my dead nana" scary, 1623 01:08:18,161 --> 01:08:21,663 but scary like, "I left a bag of meth in the glove box 1624 01:08:21,665 --> 01:08:23,331 "and I'm getting pulled up by the cops 1625 01:08:23,333 --> 01:08:25,300 "and I got a hot pipe under the seat." 1626 01:08:25,302 --> 01:08:27,669 That kind of scary. Let's go inside. 1627 01:08:27,671 --> 01:08:31,206 All right, on behalf of Ghost Guys, 1628 01:08:31,208 --> 01:08:34,209 the greatest ghost-hunter show on the Internet or cable access, 1629 01:08:34,211 --> 01:08:36,578 I'd like to thank you for having us. You've made a good choice. 1630 01:08:36,580 --> 01:08:38,313 You're welcome. Thank you very much for coming. 1631 01:08:38,315 --> 01:08:40,181 Malcolm, Malcolm, I'm not sure about this. 1632 01:08:40,183 --> 01:08:43,785 I mean, this guy, sure. But Sling Blade there, don't trust him. 1633 01:08:43,787 --> 01:08:45,620 You said you needed ghost hunters right? 1634 01:08:45,622 --> 01:08:48,156 I also said I needed a psychic. 1635 01:08:48,158 --> 01:08:49,624 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1636 01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:51,726 Chip, hey, what's up? 1637 01:08:51,728 --> 01:08:53,328 What's going on? What are you doing here? 1638 01:08:53,330 --> 01:08:54,796 I'm a psychic, I sensed you needed my help. 1639 01:08:54,798 --> 01:08:56,264 I do. 1640 01:08:56,266 --> 01:08:57,365 There's a new person. 1641 01:08:57,367 --> 01:09:00,301 Yeah, that's Bob. Come on, let's go. 1642 01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:03,304 Hey, there's something different about you. Something new. 1643 01:09:03,306 --> 01:09:05,874 I can't quite put my finger in you. On you. On it. 1644 01:09:05,876 --> 01:09:07,142 Haircut. 1645 01:09:07,144 --> 01:09:08,309 Someone's got a secret. 1646 01:09:08,311 --> 01:09:09,511 No, I don't. Come on. 1647 01:09:09,513 --> 01:09:11,179 Hey, guys. 1648 01:09:11,181 --> 01:09:15,316 Gentlemen, what we have here is a crazy bitch. 1649 01:09:15,318 --> 01:09:17,185 Now, I would leave her possessed ass 1650 01:09:17,187 --> 01:09:19,387 in the alley downtown if it was me, 1651 01:09:19,389 --> 01:09:22,257 but apparently, Malcolm's got a thing for the freak. 1652 01:09:22,259 --> 01:09:23,925 Holy shit. 1653 01:09:23,927 --> 01:09:26,161 So, what you're saying is, there's an actual demon here in the house? 1654 01:09:26,163 --> 01:09:27,729 It's in the bitch. 1655 01:09:28,764 --> 01:09:31,533 I'm sorry, "ho." No disrespect. 1656 01:09:31,535 --> 01:09:33,768 "Bitch" is fine. "Bitch" is fine. 1657 01:09:33,770 --> 01:09:36,204 All right, this is what I'm getting. 1658 01:09:36,206 --> 01:09:41,376 The entity does not want to leave this house, 1659 01:09:42,178 --> 01:09:43,344 okay? 1660 01:09:44,446 --> 01:09:47,582 It's struggling to stay inside. 1661 01:09:47,584 --> 01:09:49,884 And Malcolm, I need to know. 1662 01:09:49,886 --> 01:09:53,454 How far are you gonna go to get this demon out? 1663 01:09:53,456 --> 01:09:55,390 I'll do anything. 1664 01:09:56,760 --> 01:10:00,962 (RUBBER SQUEAKING) MALCOLM: I don't see how this is gonna help anything. 1665 01:10:00,964 --> 01:10:02,964 This just got weird. 1666 01:10:02,966 --> 01:10:04,766 What is this supposed to do? 1667 01:10:06,936 --> 01:10:10,805 Um... Nothing. I was just trying to see how far you would go. 1668 01:10:12,274 --> 01:10:13,341 What did I tell you? 1669 01:10:13,343 --> 01:10:14,442 I think she looks fine. 1670 01:10:14,444 --> 01:10:15,710 Clearly does not look fine. 1671 01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:17,612 She looks fucked up. I'm gonna need my Bible. 1672 01:10:17,614 --> 01:10:19,247 You're gonna bless her? 1673 01:10:19,249 --> 01:10:22,217 Well, yeah, I blessed this joint. Mm-hmm. 1674 01:10:22,219 --> 01:10:24,686 Right out of the First Chronicles. (CHUCKLES) 1675 01:10:24,688 --> 01:10:28,957 I haven't done many exorcisms, but I don't think that's appropriate. 1676 01:10:28,959 --> 01:10:33,261 I get it, I get it. I can fix that, though, right now. 1677 01:10:33,263 --> 01:10:34,329 I got a little something. 1678 01:10:34,331 --> 01:10:35,830 DAN: What's going on? 1679 01:10:35,832 --> 01:10:38,866 That's a demon party. Yeah, look out. 1680 01:10:38,868 --> 01:10:40,768 (SNIFFS) (GRUNTS) 1681 01:10:42,538 --> 01:10:44,405 What is this, 1985? 1682 01:10:44,407 --> 01:10:47,642 'Cause I feel like we could exorcise any demons in the area. 1683 01:10:47,644 --> 01:10:49,978 What? I'll take on a whole team of demons. 1684 01:10:49,980 --> 01:10:51,379 What we should do is get all the demons in one room 1685 01:10:51,381 --> 01:10:52,480 and get rid of them all at once. 1686 01:10:52,482 --> 01:10:54,382 Do a collective demon-gathering. 1687 01:10:54,384 --> 01:10:55,550 We just walk up to people's doors, 1688 01:10:55,552 --> 01:10:56,718 "How you doing? How you doing?" 1689 01:10:56,720 --> 01:10:59,687 "We heard y'all got demons up in there. What's up?" 1690 01:10:59,689 --> 01:11:03,958 I used to braid hair. I could actually braid her hair right now. 1691 01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:06,261 I'll be hitting her with some Allen Iversons and stuff. 1692 01:11:06,263 --> 01:11:09,297 I'll give her some Sprewells. I'll take it back. 1693 01:11:09,299 --> 01:11:11,766 Let's do a little exorcism. 1694 01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:14,435 All right, "Blessed is he 1695 01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:17,772 "who, in the name of charity and goodwill, 1696 01:11:19,408 --> 01:11:22,844 "shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. 1697 01:11:22,846 --> 01:11:26,814 "For he is truly his brother's keeper 1698 01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:29,951 "and the finder of lost children. 1699 01:11:29,953 --> 01:11:33,621 "And you will know my name is the Lord 1700 01:11:33,623 --> 01:11:37,325 "when I lay my vengeance upon you!" 1701 01:11:37,327 --> 01:11:40,395 Did you just quote Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction? 1702 01:11:40,896 --> 01:11:42,030 (CHUCKLES) 1703 01:11:42,032 --> 01:11:48,036 You got that. You got me on that. You got me on that one! 1704 01:11:48,038 --> 01:11:49,737 I love Sam Jackson, dawg. 1705 01:11:49,739 --> 01:11:51,506 The Jheri curl will be dripping and everything. 1706 01:11:51,508 --> 01:11:52,974 Plus, on the plane movie. 1707 01:11:52,976 --> 01:11:55,043 When he was on the plane and he killed the snakes. 1708 01:11:55,045 --> 01:11:56,577 That's my favorite movie. 1709 01:11:56,579 --> 01:11:58,780 "Enough is enough! 1710 01:11:58,782 --> 01:12:01,849 BOTH: "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes 1711 01:12:01,851 --> 01:12:03,718 "on this motherfucking plane!" 1712 01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:05,653 Hey, all right! That's what I'm talking about. 1713 01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:07,055 Guys! All right, all right! 1714 01:12:07,057 --> 01:12:10,658 Exorcism. That's what we're here for, right? 1715 01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:13,695 Yes, go back to the thing that got us here in the first place. 1716 01:12:13,697 --> 01:12:15,396 Where we met. 1717 01:12:15,398 --> 01:12:17,632 (LAUGHS) My man! 1718 01:12:17,634 --> 01:12:22,503 By the powers vested to me, 1719 01:12:22,505 --> 01:12:25,606 that somebody gave me while I was locked up, 1720 01:12:25,608 --> 01:12:29,777 from the correctional institution in Lompoc, that's up north... 1721 01:12:29,779 --> 01:12:33,848 I want the demon that's in you to come out and holler at a brother. 1722 01:12:33,850 --> 01:12:36,684 Demon, come up out of Kisha, demon. 1723 01:12:36,686 --> 01:12:38,419 Come out! Just come out! 1724 01:12:38,421 --> 01:12:39,487 Come up out of Kisha! 1725 01:12:39,489 --> 01:12:40,421 DAN: Come up out of there, demon. 1726 01:12:40,423 --> 01:12:43,057 Come out! Come out! 1727 01:12:43,059 --> 01:12:43,925 Come out! (SOBS) 1728 01:12:44,426 --> 01:12:45,693 Come out! 1729 01:12:45,695 --> 01:12:48,496 Hey! I'm not the one with the demon, she is. 1730 01:12:49,531 --> 01:12:51,099 (PANTING) We all have demons, Malcolm. 1731 01:12:51,101 --> 01:12:52,567 (GASPS) 1732 01:12:52,569 --> 01:12:54,702 (WHISPERS) I know what you did last summer. 1733 01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:55,737 (WHISPERS) You better not do this. 1734 01:12:55,739 --> 01:12:56,938 (ROARS) 1735 01:12:57,906 --> 01:12:58,940 CHIP: Let her go, she's fat. 1736 01:13:00,876 --> 01:13:02,910 MALCOLM: Kisha! Kisha! 1737 01:13:03,846 --> 01:13:06,147 Kisha! Oh, my God. 1738 01:13:06,149 --> 01:13:08,916 (PANTING) (GROANING ECHOES) 1739 01:13:09,818 --> 01:13:10,952 Kisha? 1740 01:13:11,820 --> 01:13:13,054 (THUDDING) 1741 01:13:13,056 --> 01:13:14,489 Kisha? 1742 01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,026 Oh, hey, buddy, you made it. 1743 01:13:19,028 --> 01:13:23,064 Grab a finger sandwich, they're delish! 1744 01:13:23,066 --> 01:13:24,932 About time you came up in here. 1745 01:13:24,934 --> 01:13:27,535 'Cause there ain't no party like a mandingo party. 1746 01:13:27,537 --> 01:13:30,071 'Cause a mandingo party don't stop. 1747 01:13:30,073 --> 01:13:32,640 Drink up, sweetheart. You need some water? 1748 01:13:32,642 --> 01:13:35,042 Where are you going? Hey, don't let her down. 1749 01:13:35,044 --> 01:13:36,144 It's her birthday. 1750 01:13:36,146 --> 01:13:37,412 MALCOLM: Oh, God. 1751 01:13:37,414 --> 01:13:38,846 Hey, did you find Kisha? 1752 01:13:38,848 --> 01:13:40,114 Uh, no, she's not in there. 1753 01:13:40,116 --> 01:13:41,182 You sure? What's going on in there? 1754 01:13:41,184 --> 01:13:42,450 Uh, nothing at all. 1755 01:13:42,452 --> 01:13:43,684 Is that a mandingo party? No. 1756 01:13:43,686 --> 01:13:45,620 Man, I wanna get my Kunta Kinte on. 1757 01:13:47,122 --> 01:13:48,423 MALCOLM: Kisha? 1758 01:13:50,426 --> 01:13:51,526 Kisha? 1759 01:13:54,463 --> 01:13:55,129 Oh, shit! 1760 01:13:55,131 --> 01:13:56,497 MALCOLM: Baby? 1761 01:13:56,499 --> 01:13:57,965 (GUNSHOTS) 1762 01:13:57,967 --> 01:13:59,934 Oh, my God! What did you do? 1763 01:13:59,936 --> 01:14:01,602 Shit, I did you a favor. 1764 01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:02,870 (GROANS, COUGHS) 1765 01:14:02,872 --> 01:14:05,573 MALCOLM: Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Rosa! 1766 01:14:05,575 --> 01:14:07,809 I just wanted my last check, Malcolm. 1767 01:14:07,811 --> 01:14:09,710 Oh, my God, you shot my housekeeper. 1768 01:14:09,712 --> 01:14:11,446 You mean, your ex-housekeeper. 1769 01:14:11,448 --> 01:14:13,714 Look, man, the bitch can't be jumping out on me like that. 1770 01:14:13,716 --> 01:14:15,650 You ain't gonna tell nobody, right? I got warrants. 1771 01:14:15,652 --> 01:14:16,884 CHIP: Hurry, she's in here. 1772 01:14:16,886 --> 01:14:18,619 Come on, guys. 1773 01:14:18,621 --> 01:14:19,854 MALCOLM: Kisha! 1774 01:14:19,856 --> 01:14:21,956 DAN: We got her cornered. Baby. 1775 01:14:21,958 --> 01:14:24,025 Father, do something. Oh, my God! 1776 01:14:24,027 --> 01:14:25,193 (ALL SCREAM) 1777 01:14:26,562 --> 01:14:28,463 Man, that demon is a freak. 1778 01:14:28,465 --> 01:14:30,565 Yeah, the crazy ones always got the best pussy. 1779 01:14:30,567 --> 01:14:32,733 The moon landing was fake. 1780 01:14:32,735 --> 01:14:33,968 What? 1781 01:14:33,970 --> 01:14:36,571 Biggie and Tupac 1782 01:14:36,573 --> 01:14:38,940 are alive. 1783 01:14:38,942 --> 01:14:42,143 Paul Ryan will be the next president. 1784 01:14:42,145 --> 01:14:44,111 (SNICKERS) The demon lies. 1785 01:14:44,113 --> 01:14:45,646 Well, except for the thing about Tupac. 1786 01:14:45,648 --> 01:14:46,781 He is alive. He's got a new album coming out. 1787 01:14:46,783 --> 01:14:48,182 What the fuck is going on here? 1788 01:14:48,184 --> 01:14:50,251 There's an exorcism happening, people! 1789 01:14:50,253 --> 01:14:51,719 (PANTING) 1790 01:14:53,088 --> 01:14:55,223 The power of Christ compels you. (DEMONIC GROAN) 1791 01:14:55,225 --> 01:14:57,625 The power of Christ compels you. 1792 01:14:57,627 --> 01:15:02,830 No, it's a new cologne from Khloe and Lamar. It's unisex. 1793 01:15:02,832 --> 01:15:04,632 (SNIFFS) I can smell Lamar. 1794 01:15:04,634 --> 01:15:05,933 Get her! (SCREAMING) 1795 01:15:07,269 --> 01:15:09,070 (ALL SCREAM) Baby! 1796 01:15:09,072 --> 01:15:10,571 (ROARS) 1797 01:15:10,573 --> 01:15:12,740 Oh! She knows some of that Spider-Man shit! 1798 01:15:12,742 --> 01:15:14,008 (ROARS) 1799 01:15:14,010 --> 01:15:15,142 (ALL SCREAMING) 1800 01:15:15,144 --> 01:15:16,677 CHIP: Oh, my God! 1801 01:15:16,679 --> 01:15:18,079 MALCOLM: It's got me! 1802 01:15:18,081 --> 01:15:19,914 MALCOLM: Chip! I'm afraid of the dark. 1803 01:15:19,916 --> 01:15:21,949 Why do have your hand on my balls? 1804 01:15:21,951 --> 01:15:24,151 I'm protecting them from spirits. 1805 01:15:24,153 --> 01:15:25,553 Get off of me! 1806 01:15:25,555 --> 01:15:27,154 There she is! 1807 01:15:27,156 --> 01:15:28,589 MALCOLM: (SCREAMING) She's going to the basement. 1808 01:15:28,591 --> 01:15:32,226 Bobby? Oh, my God! Bobby, my brother's gone! 1809 01:15:32,228 --> 01:15:33,794 Oh, my God! Let's go! 1810 01:15:33,796 --> 01:15:34,962 DOUG: Bobby? CHIP: Bobby? 1811 01:15:34,964 --> 01:15:36,564 DAN: Bobby? 1812 01:15:36,566 --> 01:15:38,232 CHIP: This is dark. DOUG: I don't wanna go down here. 1813 01:15:38,234 --> 01:15:41,135 MALCOLM: Kisha! Look at all these weird markings. 1814 01:15:41,137 --> 01:15:42,803 DAN: Kisha was here. She has a sign. 1815 01:15:42,805 --> 01:15:44,171 CHIP: Bobby! 1816 01:15:45,941 --> 01:15:48,109 MALCOLM: Oh, my God! She got Bobby! 1817 01:15:49,578 --> 01:15:51,779 Actually, that's just Bobby taking a pee. 1818 01:15:51,781 --> 01:15:53,781 (URINATING) MALCOLM: What? 1819 01:15:53,783 --> 01:15:55,283 MALCOLM: Oh, come on, that's gross. 1820 01:15:55,285 --> 01:15:56,784 Kisha! Kisha. 1821 01:15:56,786 --> 01:15:58,920 Kisha. Show yourself. 1822 01:15:58,922 --> 01:16:01,122 Baby? Come on, you gotta stay close. 1823 01:16:01,124 --> 01:16:03,925 What is this, a Shake Weight and a Thighmaster? 1824 01:16:03,927 --> 01:16:05,026 Nice. 1825 01:16:05,028 --> 01:16:06,661 Back the train up. You got a Flowbee? 1826 01:16:06,663 --> 01:16:08,796 Hey, it all looks good at 2:00 in the morning, okay? 1827 01:16:08,798 --> 01:16:10,998 Hey, look, Malcolm, one's white and one's black. 1828 01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:12,700 Guess which one you are. BOB: Black one. 1829 01:16:12,702 --> 01:16:15,269 What the hell? Can we just go find my girl, please? 1830 01:16:15,271 --> 01:16:16,337 Thank you. 1831 01:16:18,106 --> 01:16:19,907 BOB: Kisha! Bobby! 1832 01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,876 Would you shut the fuck up? What are you doing? 1833 01:16:21,878 --> 01:16:23,311 Come on. 1834 01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:26,581 (WHISPERING) Go, go, go. 1835 01:16:26,583 --> 01:16:28,916 (SCREECHING IN DISTANCE) 1836 01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:30,017 DOUG: What was that? 1837 01:16:30,786 --> 01:16:32,153 (ALL SCREAMING) 1838 01:16:32,155 --> 01:16:34,088 Christ, that bitch is scary. 1839 01:16:34,090 --> 01:16:35,222 MALCOLM: I dropped the camera! 1840 01:16:36,325 --> 01:16:37,825 Fellas? (PANTING) 1841 01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:41,862 Kisha. 1842 01:16:42,664 --> 01:16:43,864 (RATTLES) 1843 01:16:44,299 --> 01:16:45,633 (GRUNTS) 1844 01:16:52,174 --> 01:16:55,643 (WHISPERING) Malcolm? Malcolm? 1845 01:16:57,245 --> 01:17:01,682 It's me, Chip the Psychic. Malcolm? 1846 01:17:04,252 --> 01:17:05,953 It's me, Chip. 1847 01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,088 Yoo-hoo. 1848 01:17:08,156 --> 01:17:09,857 (CLATTERS) 1849 01:17:09,859 --> 01:17:13,060 MALCOLM: Okay, I found the camera. What are you guys doing? 1850 01:17:13,062 --> 01:17:14,228 This shit is real, son. 1851 01:17:14,230 --> 01:17:15,630 Yeah. 1852 01:17:15,632 --> 01:17:17,298 MALCOLM: Chip, why are you naked? 1853 01:17:17,300 --> 01:17:19,000 What the hell? Hey! 1854 01:17:19,002 --> 01:17:21,135 It got really hot in here. 1855 01:17:21,137 --> 01:17:23,404 Oh, no. Where's Bobby? 1856 01:17:23,406 --> 01:17:25,806 (SCREAMS) 1857 01:17:25,808 --> 01:17:26,907 Found my Walkman. 1858 01:17:26,909 --> 01:17:28,042 (KISHA CRYING) 1859 01:17:28,044 --> 01:17:31,679 Kisha? Baby, are you okay? 1860 01:17:31,681 --> 01:17:32,680 DOUG: Leave her alone. Don't touch her. 1861 01:17:32,682 --> 01:17:34,215 MALCOLM: Why? 1862 01:17:34,217 --> 01:17:35,816 'Cause she's like that witch in Left 4 Dead 1863 01:17:35,818 --> 01:17:37,184 sitting in the corner crying like that. 1864 01:17:37,186 --> 01:17:39,120 You touch her, she gonna attack your ass. 1865 01:17:39,122 --> 01:17:40,821 MALCOLM: I can't just leave her, man. 1866 01:17:40,823 --> 01:17:44,058 Kisha? Baby? It'll be okay, all right? 1867 01:17:44,693 --> 01:17:45,359 (LAUGHS DEMONICALLY) 1868 01:17:45,361 --> 01:17:46,427 (ROARS) 1869 01:17:47,796 --> 01:17:49,930 (SCREAMING) Get off my man, bitch! 1870 01:17:49,932 --> 01:17:52,166 (SCREAMING) 1871 01:17:52,168 --> 01:17:54,402 (THUDDING) DAN: You wanna fight? Take that, demon! 1872 01:17:55,370 --> 01:17:56,937 Elbow smash! 1873 01:17:56,939 --> 01:17:58,706 Ooh! 1874 01:17:58,708 --> 01:18:00,074 DAN: Harder! Beast! 1875 01:18:01,443 --> 01:18:02,910 Take that, demon! 1876 01:18:02,912 --> 01:18:04,345 Fucking bitch, take that. 1877 01:18:04,913 --> 01:18:06,013 (LAUGHING) 1878 01:18:06,015 --> 01:18:07,148 That demon can take a punch. 1879 01:18:07,150 --> 01:18:08,249 That's enough. 1880 01:18:08,950 --> 01:18:10,785 Baby? KISHA: Malcolm. 1881 01:18:10,787 --> 01:18:12,753 I think she's okay. Maybe not! 1882 01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:16,691 I won't tell on you, you don't tell on me. 1883 01:18:16,693 --> 01:18:17,958 Understand me? 1884 01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:19,160 You weren't here, I wasn't here. 1885 01:18:19,162 --> 01:18:20,194 I'll take the blame. I'll take the blame. 1886 01:18:20,196 --> 01:18:22,329 Okay, good. Hey! 1887 01:18:22,331 --> 01:18:23,831 Man, put some clothes on! 1888 01:18:24,399 --> 01:18:25,800 (STATIC) 1889 01:18:33,842 --> 01:18:35,109 (TOILET FLUSHES) 1890 01:18:36,144 --> 01:18:37,878 Hey. Hey. 1891 01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:40,314 You know what? This Angry Birds is kind of fun. 1892 01:18:40,316 --> 01:18:42,116 I told you. (CHUCKLES) I like it. 1893 01:18:42,118 --> 01:18:44,118 Look at you looking all pretty. 1894 01:18:44,120 --> 01:18:47,488 Oh, this? It's just a little something I put on for my man. 1895 01:18:47,490 --> 01:18:49,023 Oh, lucky him. 1896 01:18:49,025 --> 01:18:50,725 Oh. Ow... 1897 01:18:50,727 --> 01:18:52,159 Malcolm. What? What? What? 1898 01:18:52,161 --> 01:18:54,161 My ribs are still a little sore. 1899 01:18:54,163 --> 01:18:57,198 I'm sorry. We did beat the hell out of you, girl. 1900 01:18:57,200 --> 01:18:59,233 We was just trying to get the demon out. I'm sorry. 1901 01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:02,770 No, I'm sorry for bringing that thing into your house. 1902 01:19:02,772 --> 01:19:04,305 Our house. 1903 01:19:05,040 --> 01:19:06,207 Mmm! 1904 01:19:08,243 --> 01:19:11,212 Malcolm? Is the camera on? Mm-hmm? 1905 01:19:12,781 --> 01:19:14,014 (GROANS) 1906 01:19:14,950 --> 01:19:16,217 Fine. 1907 01:19:16,485 --> 01:19:17,852 Good. 1908 01:19:20,188 --> 01:19:21,388 Come here. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 1909 01:19:23,525 --> 01:19:26,227 (MALCOLM SPED UP) Take like that, take it like that. 1910 01:19:26,229 --> 01:19:28,362 Oh, my God, I hit the bottom. 1911 01:19:28,364 --> 01:19:30,831 Oh, yeah, take that. Who's your dirty daddy? 1912 01:19:30,833 --> 01:19:32,032 (KISHA SQUEALING) 1913 01:19:33,802 --> 01:19:35,836 (KISHA GROANING) 1914 01:19:35,838 --> 01:19:37,538 Oh, God. 1915 01:19:37,540 --> 01:19:39,874 I got a cramp. (GROANS) Don't touch it. 1916 01:20:17,846 --> 01:20:19,280 (OBJECTS CLATTERING) 1917 01:20:22,984 --> 01:20:24,852 (KISHA SCREAMS) 1918 01:20:24,854 --> 01:20:26,086 (HUFFS) 1919 01:20:26,088 --> 01:20:29,156 Malcolm! 1920 01:20:29,158 --> 01:20:31,959 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming. 1921 01:20:31,961 --> 01:20:33,194 Shit. 1922 01:20:37,566 --> 01:20:40,167 Malcolm! 1923 01:20:40,169 --> 01:20:42,603 I heard you the first time. Damn. 1924 01:20:46,241 --> 01:20:47,508 (ROARING) 1925 01:20:52,914 --> 01:20:56,483 (SNIFFING) 1926 01:20:56,485 --> 01:20:58,485 (FARTS) 1927 01:21:03,491 --> 01:21:04,925 (ROARS) 1928 01:21:07,963 --> 01:21:09,430 (STATIC) 1929 01:21:17,472 --> 01:21:19,039 She's gone. (CHUCKLES) 1930 01:21:22,577 --> 01:21:25,346 Yeah, baby, I lived! I lived. 1931 01:21:25,348 --> 01:21:27,648 In your face. In your face! 1932 01:21:27,650 --> 01:21:29,516 You thought you'd move into my house and kill me? 1933 01:21:29,518 --> 01:21:30,651 What? 1934 01:21:30,653 --> 01:21:32,119 (LAUGHS) 1935 01:21:33,521 --> 01:21:35,389 She's right behind me, isn't she? 1936 01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:36,657 (SCREAMS) 1937 01:21:37,926 --> 01:21:40,227 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 1938 01:23:22,297 --> 01:23:23,998 Oh, yeah. 1939 01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:26,500 We gonna need a wide angle for some of these aerial tricks. 1940 01:23:26,502 --> 01:23:29,069 All right, I call this one "The Superman." 1941 01:23:29,071 --> 01:23:30,337 (GRUNTS) 1942 01:23:30,339 --> 01:23:33,440 Pile driver! (GRUNTS) Take that. Take that. 1943 01:23:33,675 --> 01:23:35,209 Oh! Oh! 1944 01:23:35,543 --> 01:23:37,544 (BRAYS) 1945 01:23:37,546 --> 01:23:40,247 Can I get you something to drink, Father? 1946 01:23:40,249 --> 01:23:42,516 Yeah, Hennessy, straight. 1947 01:23:42,518 --> 01:23:45,019 Oh, you got Hpnotiq? I like to mix them. 1948 01:23:45,021 --> 01:23:47,121 Uh, I was talking about water. 1949 01:23:47,123 --> 01:23:50,290 Water? I don't drink that bullshit. What the fuck? 1950 01:23:50,292 --> 01:23:52,760 Yeah, my show is gonna be huge. 1951 01:23:52,762 --> 01:23:55,596 I'm gonna get my house back. I'm gonna get a girlfriend. 1952 01:23:55,598 --> 01:23:57,164 I'm gonna be successful. 1953 01:23:57,166 --> 01:24:01,201 Did you just hope and dream out loud? 1954 01:24:02,804 --> 01:24:05,706 All hopes and dreams are out loud. That's the camera show. 1955 01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:08,809 Oh, this is called "68," and I owe you one. 1956 01:24:08,811 --> 01:24:12,780 (GRUNTS) You're crazy, girl. Yeah, I'll fart in your face. 1957 01:24:12,782 --> 01:24:16,050 (GRUNTS) Take that. Now we gonna make some love. 1958 01:24:16,052 --> 01:24:17,418 But I ain't gonna kiss you on your mouth 1959 01:24:17,420 --> 01:24:19,186 'cause I just farted in your face. 1960 01:24:19,188 --> 01:24:22,589 Here's the thing. A lot of people think penises are scary. 1961 01:24:22,591 --> 01:24:26,060 They're not, unless it has a gun. Then that's horrifying. 1962 01:24:26,062 --> 01:24:29,229 90% of penises don't carry a gun. 1963 01:24:29,231 --> 01:24:31,098 Oh, my God. What? 1964 01:24:31,100 --> 01:24:32,566 That's a fact. 1965 01:24:32,568 --> 01:24:34,501 But I'm gonna tell you this, don't ever, 1966 01:24:34,503 --> 01:24:36,470 ever let a man put his hands on you. 1967 01:24:36,472 --> 01:24:38,572 Unless he paying the bills. Aah! 1968 01:24:38,574 --> 01:24:40,474 Domestic violence is amazing. 1969 01:24:40,842 --> 01:24:42,176 (MOANING) 1970 01:24:43,344 --> 01:24:45,646 Gonna burn me. 1971 01:24:46,614 --> 01:24:47,581 (MOANS) 1972 01:24:50,085 --> 01:24:53,353 I'm sorry. Shh. Shh. Take it. 1973 01:24:53,655 --> 01:24:55,189 Ooh. 1974 01:24:56,424 --> 01:24:57,758 Ooh! 1975 01:24:57,760 --> 01:25:01,628 This is one bad picture right here, nigger. 1976 01:25:01,630 --> 01:25:04,865 This a fine motherfucker right here, boy. This is dope. 1977 01:25:04,867 --> 01:25:06,366 You know what I'd do with this? 1978 01:25:06,368 --> 01:25:08,268 Do you know what I'd do with this? 1979 01:25:08,270 --> 01:25:11,338 All this area, all this carpet, this ottoman, 1980 01:25:11,340 --> 01:25:12,406 I'd be all over it. 1981 01:25:12,408 --> 01:25:14,208 What are these? 1982 01:25:14,210 --> 01:25:16,110 MALCOLM: Those are my boxers. 1983 01:25:16,112 --> 01:25:17,578 Fascinating. 1984 01:25:17,580 --> 01:25:19,580 (SNIFFS) Oh, yes. 1985 01:25:19,582 --> 01:25:22,449 His methods are so unorthodox. 1986 01:25:22,451 --> 01:25:24,618 (STAMMERS) That's my girlfriend. 1987 01:25:24,620 --> 01:25:26,653 Ah... Kisha. 1988 01:25:26,655 --> 01:25:29,590 That's a crazy bitch name all day. You can google it. 1989 01:25:29,592 --> 01:25:34,128 Top five crazy bitch names. Kisha, Alisha, Djuana. 1990 01:25:34,130 --> 01:25:36,830 You say that out loud, and you're already scared, right? 1991 01:25:36,832 --> 01:25:38,565 Are you done? 1992 01:25:38,567 --> 01:25:40,134 Let's go. Let's go save the bitch.