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ARTIE: Okay, welcome back.
2
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:47,345
This is Artie Decker,
De Voice of the Fresno Grizzlies...
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00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,310
and we've got a good one, my friends.
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00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,685
Top of the ninth here at Chukchansi
Park, and a beautiful night.
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00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,152
We can actually feel
that fall is finally on its way.
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00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:59,189
It's a rather crisp 107 degrees, but dry.
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We've got 15,000 sweaty and bloated
people all pumped up on Churros...
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00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,955
rooting on our Fresno Grizzlies.
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00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:08,464
And Brad, this is why I love
announcing Minor League Baseball...
10
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,898
because I get to say names
like "River Cats..."
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00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,833
or the "Rancho Cucamonga Quakes."
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00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:14,939
I don't have to ever say boring names
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like "Tigers," or "Red Sox," or "Cubs."
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Okay, we got a little break in the action...
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00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,414
as they're having
a little meeting on the mound.
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Artie, do you know what time it is?
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I sure do, Brad.
It's time for Artie's Kiss Cam!
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00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,287
(PLAYING TUNE)
19
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,620
Thank you, Gwen.
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00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,259
Let's see what kind of young lovers
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00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,725
we got at the ballpark tonight.
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All right, there's a kiss.
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00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,910
Well, you know one thing when you see
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00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:40,898
a kiss like that, they're married.
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Wait, wait, we've got a proposal.
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00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,831
"Will you marry me, Clara? Love, Nate."
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There's our young Romeo now.
And whoa! He has scored!
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Brad, that is what
you young people would call a "hottie."
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He's got Britney Spears
and he's about to give her the ring...
30
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and he goes the other way!
31
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I can't believe what I am seeing...
32
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:02,977
and I'm sure she's
got a great "personality," but, oh my.
33
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,984
I thought Jerry Garcia was dead.
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00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,523
What's he doing
in the stands marrying him?
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00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:11,458
Here at Chukchansi Park,
love is blind, and apparently so is Nate.
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00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:13,757
All right, let's get back to the action
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00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,060
as the meeting breaks up on the mound.
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00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,829
Here's the situation.
First and third, two outs.
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00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:20,738
And here's the pitch.
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00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,669
Swing and a miss. Diaz fires down to third.
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00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:23,672
They've picked him off third!
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00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,141
- You're out!
- Ballgame over!
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00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,371
I'll tell you, Myers is getting an earful...
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00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,641
and as my mom used to say,
"There's no cure for dumb."
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Gwen! We won.
46
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:36,355
And that closes out
the last game of the season.
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00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:38,990
The Grizzlies take
the Sacramento River Cats...
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00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,591
by a score of three to one.
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00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:43,193
We'll be right back with a happy recap.
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That is a bad way to end a game.
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Artie. Mr. Decker.
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00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:54,838
I want to say thank you
for what has been an awesome semester.
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I mean, you taught me a lot,
and... I got you this.
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00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:00,513
What did you do, Brad?
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00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:03,079
It's got all the famous calls
you told me about.
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00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,877
Harwell, "Red" Barber, Scully, Russ Hodges.
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You know, that's really great,
Brad. Thank you so much.
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Well, as the great Yogi Berra once said,
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"It ain't over till it's over."
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Well, this Fresno Grizzlies season is over.
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00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:18,120
I'm Artie Decker,
De Voice of the Fresno Grizzlies.
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00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:21,459
So, on behalf of Brad Zolick
and the late Gwen Foster on the organ...
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00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:25,604
good night everybody,
thanks for listening and lights out, Alice.
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00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,730
I love this job.
65
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,038
I'm fired?
66
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,907
I'm sorry, Artie. I'm changing everything.
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00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:37,947
New logos, new uniforms, new music.
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All the deadwood is floating to the sawmill.
69
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I'm deadwood?
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00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:43,387
You're old school.
You reminisce and you tell stories.
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00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,285
All our sponsors are for hearing aids,
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00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,153
beds that go up and down, and scooters.
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Not the cool kind, the sad kind.
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We need someone who's wired in.
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To what?
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00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:53,157
Facebook.
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00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:54,890
- How many friends do you have?
- I don't have any friends.
78
00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:56,261
- Have you made any posts?
- No.
79
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:57,776
- What was your last update?
- My what?
80
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,135
- Have you poked anybody?
- I haven't poked anybody!
81
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,601
- Has anybody poked you?
- No.
82
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,775
The thing is Artie,
even if you were connected...
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00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,777
I don't know that I'd want
to be poked by you.
84
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,142
- How many apps do you have?
- I don't have any apps.
85
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,506
- You don't have any apps?
- No.
86
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:08,571
- Everyone has apps.
- I don't have an app.
87
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:09,907
- Do you play Angry Birds?
- Angry Birds?
88
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:10,983
Who's your favorite Angry Bird?
89
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,073
I don't have a favorite Angry Bird!
90
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,152
Everyone has a favorite Angry Bird.
91
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,653
I don't have a favorite Angry Bird!
92
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:15,746
Hashtag.
93
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:17,475
When was the last time you hashtagged?
94
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,252
Are you out of your mind?
What the heck are you talking about?
95
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:20,426
We need announcers that tweet.
96
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,428
I'll tweet.
I'll make whatever noise you want.
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00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,658
Sorry, Artie, my mind's made up.
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00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:51,750
(DOG BARKING)
99
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,664
WOMAN 1: Feel the burn, everyone.
100
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,064
And one, two, three, four.
101
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,033
Okay, okay.
102
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:07,567
How are we doing, Diane?
103
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,799
Oh, my sciatica.
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00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:11,408
My other sciatica.
105
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,079
Ten minutes to cheesecake, ladies.
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WOMAN 1: There we go. Good job.
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00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,343
ALL: Hi, Artie.
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Hi, ladies.
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Caught the end of the game.
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"No cure for dumb." Funny.
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00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:30,593
- Yeah.
- Funny.
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00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:33,498
WOMAN 2: Don't fall, hon.
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I got it.
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00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,728
WOMAN 1: All right, everybody,
pull your core in.
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00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:39,664
WOMAN 2: I don't have a core.
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WOMAN 1: Work those abs.
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00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,477
You know, Artie,
this could turn out to be a good thing.
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00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,376
It could give us more "us" time.
119
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:53,916
You mean me wearing a captain's
hat following you around Costco?
120
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,146
You don't want to retire? Fine.
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00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,348
You were offered a job
teaching broadcasting at Fresno State.
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You could teach young people.
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00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,828
I could,
but why should they know what I know?
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Ever the nurturer.
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00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,357
I don't want to teach,
I want to do. I still have the dream.
126
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:09,398
The Giants?
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00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,594
Yeah, the Giants.
I've been chasing this job for 35 years.
128
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,603
You give up your dream, you give up.
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I'm not quitting.
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I feel 10 years younger than I am,
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and I look 10 years younger than that.
132
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So basically, you're asking
a 38-year-old to retire.
133
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You're 38? Paint the house.
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00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,539
(CHUCKLES)
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00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:28,916
Artie, to me, you're the best
announcer in the whole world.
136
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You should be broadcasting for the Giants.
137
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,786
But after all these years, honey...
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00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,073
something tells me
they don't have you on speed dial.
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Mmm.
140
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,227
- It'll be okay.
- I'm sorry.
141
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AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
R-life awake.
142
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Garage activated. Vehicle charging.
143
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,914
Solar panels activated.
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00:06:57,116 --> 00:07:00,779
Good morning, Harper, Turner and Barker.
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00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,386
(WHIRRING)
- Waffles ready.
146
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,455
(BEEPING)
147
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:04,612
Coffee ready.
148
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,426
Time for breakfast.
149
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,151
But-but, Mom.
150
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,728
Honey, hold on one second. Uh-huh.
151
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:15,767
Well, I can have that up for
you in about three hours.
152
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:20,094
Yeah, one hour,
that's what I meant. Sure, I can hold on.
153
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:21,102
Stupid!
154
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,241
- What's the matter, honey?
- I missed a note.
155
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,323
Come and have breakfast.
You're going to get it.
156
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You know that you always do.
157
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,973
Yeah, I'm right here.
158
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,513
Right. And when would that be?
159
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,684
That's so soon. You got to be kidding me.
160
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:34,011
Dad! Dad.
161
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,518
I'm the soysages,
Turner gets the Wheatie-O's.
162
00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:39,316
Okay. Hey, babe, can you take over here?
163
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:40,805
- I'm on a call.
- I'm on a call.
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00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,317
Thank you.
165
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:47,789
But-but M-Mom! Th-The other
k-kids are gonna w-watch them.
166
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,334
Honey, I don't think you'd
really enjoy the Saw movies.
167
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:52,629
Remember when we went to see Avatar...
168
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,119
and you spent the last two hours
169
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,413
with your head inside my purse?
170
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,702
I... I... I was... I looking for the gum.
171
00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,269
ALICE: I'm right here.
172
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,638
I can't believe it.
My computer just crashed.
173
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,305
I'll have to call you right back.
174
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:07,452
Barker, can we discuss
some of the many other possibilities...
175
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,850
for today's wardrobe,
including some involving pants?
176
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,858
Honey, can I talk to you outside
for a second?
177
00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:15,894
Sure. I have nothing but time.
178
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:20,126
D... Dad? C... Can I watch the Saw movies?
179
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,129
Sure.
180
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,029
Yeah! (LAUGHING)
181
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,000
Wait. That's way inappropriate.
182
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,129
Aw!
183
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,703
What's up?
184
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:33,901
Oh.
185
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,674
That was nice. Like a little mini date.
186
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:36,849
Crazy year, right?
187
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,677
I mean, the whole thing.
Moving to Atlanta for my job.
188
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,478
Yeah, it's had its challenges.
189
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,917
Well, guess what.
That was my boss on the phone...
190
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,715
and the R-life has been nominated
191
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,191
for "Best New Product of the Year."
(GASPS)
192
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,557
Oh! (LAUGHING)
193
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,164
That's fantastic!
194
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,833
I know! They're flying us both next week.
195
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:58,435
Five days of lectures
and networking and love.
196
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,561
Oh. Saturday is Harper's audition.
197
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:01,740
Yeah, but it's at night.
198
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,381
We'll fly back early. We'll make it.
199
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:04,706
Also, Turner has speech therapy.
200
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,310
I have to buy Harper a dress for the audition.
201
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:07,911
We're supposed
to take the kids to the symphony...
202
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,742
Honey, we haven't had a
vacation since Barker was born.
203
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,043
- That's five years.
- Mmm-hmm.
204
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,814
This conversation is the longest we've been
alone in months.
205
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,582
So, great.
I'll call my parents, they'll fly down.
206
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,282
They'll be happy
to watch the kids while we're gone.
207
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,087
(SIGHS)
208
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,464
A cruise. What cruise?
209
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:31,330
The one that we bought them
for their 40th anniversary.
210
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,732
I said just get them matching tracksuits.
211
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,670
Look, we'll figure something out, okay?
212
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:41,101
Well, we could always call your parents.
213
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,081
(CHUCKLING)
214
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,254
Oh, you're serious.
215
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:52,652
Yeah. They haven't seen the kids
in what, a year?
216
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:56,451
Ten months is not quite a year.
217
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:57,959
Call them.
218
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,303
- They're not coming.
- Don't you need to talk to them first?
219
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:09,372
You know that they're just going to
say that they can't make it.
220
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:11,302
What? What?
221
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:13,370
- What?
- The itch.
222
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:16,139
You're kidding.
You're getting your "Artie and Diane Rash"?
223
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,443
Have you forgotten how they disapprove
of the way that we parent?
224
00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,884
My father doesn't listen.
My mother, she's a tornado with lipstick.
225
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:27,051
Alice, we need this vacation.
226
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,317
And as you know...
227
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,159
who's going to be with you
in the Hilton Head?
228
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:35,365
(IN MOCK BRITISH ACCENT) Nigel?
229
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,088
(IN MOCK BRITISH ACCENT) That's right.
230
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,502
In fact, have you heard me new song?
231
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,668
(SINGING) I'm gonna love you
till the police come
232
00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,074
Anything for you, Nigel.
233
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,516
Carl flushed my pillow down the toilet.
234
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,382
AUTOMATED VOICE: Toilet overflowing.
Bathroom flooded.
235
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,252
Okay, I'll call my parents.
236
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,592
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
237
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,626
Artie, pick up the phone!
238
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,960
What are you doing?
239
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,469
I can't hear you, the phone's ringing.
240
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,608
- Hello?
ALICE: - Hi, Dad.
241
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,539
- Alice, how are you?
- Is Mom around?
242
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,712
Yeah, hold on, I'll get her.
243
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:21,777
Your daughter.
244
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:22,941
Put her on speakerphone.
245
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,879
(WHISPERS) Don't tell her I was fired.
246
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,919
- Oh, my.
- I got it.
247
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:30,247
- Put her on hold.
- I know.
248
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:31,388
- Put her on hold.
- I'm trying.
249
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:32,630
- Put her on hold.
- I can't.
250
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,125
- Put her on hold.
- You're making me tense.
251
00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:35,350
Now, put her on hold.
252
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,586
It's right there.
253
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,161
I'm gonna start a fire, here.
254
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,592
Hi, Alice, what's going on?
255
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:45,260
Well, now that you ask...
256
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,805
Phil has to go away
next week and I'd really like to go with him.
257
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:51,772
And we need someone to watch the kids,
258
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:53,707
so I was wondering, would you want to?
259
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,380
(MOUTHING) No. No.
260
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,147
We'd love to!
261
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:58,882
Listen, I'm cooking dinner.
262
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,610
I'll call you back in a little bit for the details.
263
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:03,545
She said yes.
264
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:04,654
You said yes.
265
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,882
Artie, we practically
never see our grandchildren.
266
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:08,151
We've never seen their new house.
267
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,657
They've never been to Fresno.
268
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,463
I just got fired. I'm licking my wounds.
269
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,063
I'll lick them. Come on!
270
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:14,664
They need someone to take care of the kids.
271
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:16,198
Can't the house do it?
272
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,559
We have one child.
273
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:22,207
These three kids are the only
grandchildren we're ever going to have.
274
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,810
I'm awkward around those kids.
I don't think they like me.
275
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:29,712
Honey, they don't see you enough.
276
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,406
They have to know you better
before they don't like you.
277
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,853
No, but it's a real thing, Di.
And it all comes from Alice.
278
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,579
Like the last time,
the little one left the house...
279
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,070
wearing flippers and a bathrobe.
280
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:42,526
So I made a little joke.
I said, "This one, any hope for normal?"
281
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,992
And I got this withering gaze.
282
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,357
Like you're giving me now.
283
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,533
Well, first of all...
284
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:51,726
it might be a good thing
if you learned "the little one's" name.
285
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:52,926
It's Barker.
286
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,576
Di.
287
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:01,278
Listen to me, I'm fragile right now.
288
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,538
I need a job.
289
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:05,273
I don't need Alice's disapproval.
I'm not going.
290
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,577
- You're going.
- That's what I meant.
291
00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,584
Her whole way of raising
her kids is a giant...
292
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:13,385
(RASPS)...in our face.
293
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,186
It's her generation. It's just their way.
294
00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:17,487
(EXCLAIMS)
295
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,257
Hey, what are you looking for, sailor?
296
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,400
If you haven't found
it yet, it's not there. I'll help you out.
297
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:24,166
(COUGHING)
298
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:27,600
- Come on!
- He's not done groping.
299
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,675
ARTIE: And could she
have found anyone less like me to marry?
300
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,707
DIANE: What's your
problem with Phil? He's such a sweet guy.
301
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:37,405
He is sweet. I think he breastfed the kids.
302
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,379
Perfect, it's raining.
303
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,705
Scattered showers, honey.
It'll be over in 20 minutes.
304
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:42,821
It's an omen.
305
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:44,956
- What's it an omen of?
- Impending doom.
306
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:46,920
- I have a great idea.
- What's that?
307
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:47,956
Shut up!
308
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,757
I'll think about it.
309
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,798
- You know what grandparenting is?
- What?
310
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,124
A second chance.
311
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,268
That's pretty good.
312
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,110
- And you know what Alice told me?
- What?
313
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,300
The kids are over-the-moon excited
about our coming.
314
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,407
Why them?
315
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,441
Because they're your grandparents
and they love you.
316
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:08,636
D-Do we have to wear these?
317
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:13,413
Well, Grandma made them.
And she thinks you like them.
318
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,286
Why would she think that?
319
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,754
Because I told her that you did.
320
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:21,358
Look, it's going to be okay. I promise you.
321
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,289
You know, they're very funny.
322
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,793
Grandpa tells lots of jokes...
323
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,658
that you won't get.
324
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,635
So just laugh.
325
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:34,704
Just laugh and I promise you
we'll get through this week.
326
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,368
Remember, Mama loves you very much.
327
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:43,008
PHIL: They're here!
328
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:47,049
Oh, no.
329
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,217
Hi!
330
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:54,323
Hi!
331
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:55,720
This is a McStadium.
332
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,452
Hey, thanks for coming.
333
00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:58,459
Hello, Phil.
334
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:01,326
Oh, my goodness!
They're wearing their shirts.
335
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,797
I told you, they love those shirts!
336
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,368
Give me a kiss.
337
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,840
I'm so excited.
338
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,033
This one's gonna be prettier
than her grandma.
339
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,643
- Harper.
- I know.
340
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,926
- How's the fiddle coming? Still fiddling?
- Mmm-hmm.
341
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:17,341
Hello, boys, still single?
342
00:15:17,716 --> 00:15:18,774
(CHUCKLES)
343
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,408
(KIDS LAUGHING)
344
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,668
Mom, you brought groceries?
345
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:23,787
You know Dad.
346
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,116
He just wanted to make sure
you had food here for him.
347
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,486
Okay, and toilet paper?
348
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,356
Well, I know what I like. Aloe.
349
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,126
Are those for us?
350
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:35,857
Those are definitely for you!
351
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:38,002
Yep. One for each of you.
352
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:39,898
Here you go. And for you.
353
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,539
S-Super Squirters! Awesome!
354
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:43,639
You bought them guns.
355
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:44,740
ARTIE: Yeah.
356
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,845
Dad. We don't do guns.
357
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,311
Hey, if you think
that's something, wait until you see this.
358
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,576
This is classic Artie.
359
00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,352
Artie Decker bobbleheads.
360
00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,797
Here you go. Look at this, huh?
361
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,051
PHIL: What do you say?
362
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,490
That's creepy. Make it stop!
363
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,255
Thank you, Grandpa.
364
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,762
Th-Thank you, G-Grandpa.
365
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,663
Hey, you know what?
Since we're all gonna be pals now...
366
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:14,532
instead of calling me
"Grandpa," why don't you call me "Artie"?
367
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,732
So it's "Grandma and Artie"
now? What are you, my boyfriend?
368
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,433
No, listen. We went through
all those names last time.
369
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,738
I don't want to be "Mup-Mup,"
or "Bup-Bup," or "Boop-Boop."
370
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:23,039
Those are puppet names.
371
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:26,446
My name is Artie.
Always been Artie. Call me Artie.
372
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,449
Can I call you "Farty"?
373
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,385
That's not a name, dope.
374
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:34,081
Hey, that was a put-down.
You owe me three put-ups.
375
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:36,958
I like your shoes.
I like your shirt. I like your hair.
376
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,042
PHIL: Let's go inside.
377
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,154
You guys all have to change because
378
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,355
we're going out for dinner. Come on.
379
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:41,863
Get the bags, Farty.
380
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,133
Alice, this is a beautiful house.
381
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,238
Thank you.
382
00:16:49,441 --> 00:16:50,965
- It's a prototype.
- Prototype?
383
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:55,078
AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome, Alice and
Phil and Harper and Turner and Barker and...
384
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:57,873
two unidentified guests.
385
00:16:58,083 --> 00:16:59,141
But that's not strange.
386
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,147
It's the R-life.
387
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,877
It's Phil's invention.
It's what he's worked on all this time.
388
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:03,884
Wow.
389
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,956
This is the brain center
to this fully automated...
390
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:09,320
voice-activated, prototype smart house.
391
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,968
And I'm just going to enter you two
into the system right now.
392
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,392
All right.
393
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,323
Beam me up.
394
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,797
You all get these portables...
395
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:21,461
and if there are any problems,
Turner understands the whole system.
396
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:22,738
ARTIE: Turner does?
397
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,068
Well, if Turner can do it,
I certainly can't. (LAUGHS)
398
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,476
Alice, this is so beautiful.
399
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,482
How's work, Dad? How's your season?
400
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:34,117
Very good. Yeah, we had a good season.
401
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:35,809
Yeah, a lot of good kids.
402
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,648
You know, your dad still signs off
403
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,450
every broadcast, "Lights out, Alice."
404
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,592
- Really?
- Yeah.
405
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,255
See, when Alice was a little girl,
406
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,625
I wasn't home a lot to put her to bed...
407
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,263
so on the radio I would say...
408
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:49,923
"Lights out, Alice,"
and it sort of stuck, you know?
409
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:51,329
Wow, that's really nice.
410
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,335
Yeah.
411
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,127
I thought so.
412
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:55,796
What's this?
413
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:58,270
It's some photos.
414
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,648
Pipi and Papi look great.
415
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:05,680
Yeah.
416
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:07,442
Here you are.
417
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,177
Oh, yeah.
418
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:10,548
I took that picture!
419
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:11,916
That was a great day, yeah.
420
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,751
Farty wet his pants!
421
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:16,018
Barker, indoor voice.
422
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:19,330
(WHISPERING)
Farty wet his pants! Farty wet his pants!
423
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:23,794
Guns.
424
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,333
Guns.
425
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:27,701
(WHIRRING)
426
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:28,635
Ow! Ow! Ow!
427
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,208
That's so hot!
What are you doing? It's too hot!
428
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,935
Here, do it yourself.
429
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,044
What's the matter?
430
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,885
- Do you realize what we are?
- What?
431
00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:42,811
We're the "other" grandparents.
432
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:44,420
We can't be all four.
433
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:45,817
I'm serious.
434
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:47,345
They have their real grandparents
435
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,824
that they love and put up on the mantle...
436
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,892
and then there's us.
437
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:53,394
And who's putting those pictures
on the mantle?
438
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:57,126
Our daughter. She is not sticking up for us.
439
00:18:57,336 --> 00:19:00,464
I don't think the kids
even know what I do. Or did.
440
00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,196
Look, Artie, I know you're upset
441
00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:03,999
about getting kicked in your career...
442
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:05,767
but we need to focus, buddy.
443
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,605
Our grandchildren are going to love me.
444
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,781
- What about me?
- That's your problem.
445
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,815
(LAUGHING) Welcome!
446
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:21,922
(SPEAKS MANDARIN)
447
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,054
(KIDS SPEAKING MANDARIN)
448
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,920
- New people.
- Hello.
449
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:28,997
These are my parents.
They're going to watch the kids this week.
450
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:30,759
Welcome to Healthy Tiger.
451
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:33,062
All healthy Pan Asian food.
452
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:33,966
What's that?
453
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,403
No MSG, no gluten, no sodium.
454
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:38,769
Just healthy food.
455
00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:41,977
I'm drooling already.
456
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,172
Pan Asian, just like me!
457
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,680
My mother's Japanese,
my father's Chinese...
458
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:48,352
my kids are Korean
and they go to Hebrew day school.
459
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,283
Oy vey!
460
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,286
(LAUGHING) Come on. Yeah!
461
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:55,153
How do you ruin Chinese food?
462
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:56,854
Okay.
463
00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,662
We seem to have an empty chair.
464
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,105
No, no, that chair is for Carl.
465
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,930
- Who's Carl?
- Barker's friend.
466
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,466
How nice. When's he coming?
467
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,967
He's already here.
468
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:08,264
Hi, Carl. You look great.
469
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:10,031
Did you get a haircut?
470
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:12,477
Tell him.
471
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,176
Carl is Barker's imaginary friend.
472
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:17,678
He's a kangaroo.
473
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,057
Maybe we should have eaten
at the Outback.
474
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,445
(LAUGHING)
475
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:24,612
(KIDS LAUGHING)
476
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,489
Kids, go wash your hands.
477
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:31,591
Come on, Carl.
478
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:33,594
(IN FUNNY VOICE) Bye, Farty.
479
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,631
He's in a real
"testing the boundaries" phase.
480
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:39,702
Plus, he's also a little constipated.
481
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:41,619
Now, you're talking my language.
482
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,505
I have some stuff that will blow his mind.
483
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:45,229
They used it to blast out the Chunnel.
484
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,834
Thank you, Lord Arthur.
485
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:49,172
Now, do you have any
special instructions for us?
486
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:51,501
Like, what the kids like to do,
what they like to eat.
487
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:53,143
Yes, Mom, great. Thank you.
488
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,616
First of all, they don't eat any sugar.
489
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:56,879
No Carvel?
490
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,647
That's the saddest thing
I've ever heard in my life.
491
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:01,121
We have tried to introduce
just a little bit of sugar...
492
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:05,160
and it was like going off the rails
of the crazy train.
493
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,695
Oh, my gosh!
494
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,778
And there's another subject
I'd like to discuss.
495
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:09,891
Sure, anything.
496
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,000
Your language.
497
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,537
He won't curse. I'll break his freaking arm.
498
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:15,973
That's great, but that's not what I meant.
499
00:21:16,174 --> 00:21:18,404
You see, there's a way
that we talk to our kids.
500
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,578
For instance, where you would say "No"...
501
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,145
we would say,
"Consider the consequences."
502
00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:24,906
Or where you would say, "Don't"...
503
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,244
we would say, "Maybe you should try this."
504
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,515
Or where you would say...
505
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:31,746
"Quit your whining,
you're giving me a headache"...
506
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,323
we would say, "Use your words."
507
00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:35,959
You see, that way, the child feels
508
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,595
that he has value, he has worth.
509
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:39,423
He is heard.
510
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:41,199
It's a way.
511
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:44,064
Let's order.
512
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:45,933
Great.
513
00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:49,533
That's very good, but if you stay
514
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:51,335
inside the lines, it looks better.
515
00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:53,204
Here, look at mine, see?
516
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:55,380
Dad, we don't really worry about lines.
517
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:58,044
Honey, draw whatever
your imagination tells you.
518
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,549
But what's the point
of having lines if you're just going to...?
519
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:02,720
Artie.
520
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,357
That's beautiful.
That's absolutely beautiful.
521
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:07,855
It's very avant-garde.
522
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,755
- Picasso.
- Exactly.
523
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:12,795
You didn't finish your dinner.
You know the great thing about Chinese...
524
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,957
I mean, Pan Asian food,
is that if you mush it all up it's...
525
00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:18,362
(EXCLAIMING)
(GASPS)
526
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,600
- What happened?
(PANTING)
527
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:22,273
- What did you do?
- I don't know.
528
00:22:22,474 --> 00:22:24,874
He doesn't like his food to touch.
529
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:26,623
I didn't know! Look, I'm un-smushing.
530
00:22:26,712 --> 00:22:28,145
(GROWLING)
531
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,713
There's so much un-smushed Pan Asian.
532
00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,076
(GROWLING ANGRILY)
533
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,947
- What?
- Use your words, Barker.
534
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:35,877
Use your words.
535
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:39,114
Farty ruined my food! Evil Farty.
536
00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:41,258
Evil Farty, what have you done?
537
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,620
Mama! Dada!
538
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:45,990
Don't go!
539
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:47,130
I have to go.
540
00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:48,266
Don't go!
541
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,100
Would you...? I'm trying to let go!
542
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:51,428
Don't go!
543
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:53,629
Don't go!
544
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,238
TURNER: D-Don't go!
545
00:22:56,441 --> 00:22:57,237
Just let go.
546
00:22:57,442 --> 00:22:58,670
He's just so strong.
547
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:00,640
Let go, baby. Let go, baby.
548
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,642
- Just get in the car.
- I am trying.
549
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:04,440
Barker, honey, just...
550
00:23:04,649 --> 00:23:05,946
- Get in the car.
- I love you.
551
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:07,049
I'm trying to get in the car!
552
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,117
Get in the car.
553
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,184
Bye.
554
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,252
No!
555
00:23:10,655 --> 00:23:11,485
Drive.
556
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:12,452
Bye, honeybun.
557
00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:13,919
Goodbye, goodbye.
558
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,354
Honey, stop!
559
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,527
Bye.
560
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:19,660
- Go.
- Yay!
561
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:21,464
I'll be home really soon.
562
00:23:21,666 --> 00:23:22,860
No!
563
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:25,798
Barker's hyperventilating.
Stop the car, please.
564
00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:28,471
- Go, go, go!
- Yay!
565
00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:31,301
Give me your worst, worst case scenario.
566
00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:33,535
Everybody dies.
567
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,714
Then anything short of that will be
a happy surprise.
568
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:42,046
Onward.
569
00:23:42,654 --> 00:23:44,485
- Really go now.
- No!
570
00:23:45,557 --> 00:23:47,149
DIANE: Good heavens.
571
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,759
Time for breakfast.
Come on, we got to get to school.
572
00:23:49,961 --> 00:23:53,055
Okay. Let's get this party started!
573
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,698
It's going to be great!
It's going to be awesome!
574
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:56,333
We are going to have so much fun.
575
00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:59,003
This is going to be
the best week of your life!
576
00:23:59,204 --> 00:24:00,171
- Right, Artie?
- Sure thing, Regis.
577
00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:04,433
Okay. Here we go.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
578
00:24:04,643 --> 00:24:06,372
Oh, my gosh.
579
00:24:07,045 --> 00:24:09,411
(PANTING) This is it, right?
580
00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:12,606
Yeah. I'll see you on the other side.
581
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,084
These are done.
582
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,916
Hot skillet! Sorry.
583
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,092
All right. Here are your sausages.
584
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:22,385
Soysages.
585
00:24:22,594 --> 00:24:24,687
Soysages? What are you, from the Bronx?
586
00:24:24,896 --> 00:24:26,656
Did Mom leave my
eggless egg salad for lunch?
587
00:24:26,798 --> 00:24:28,527
Eggless egg salad?
How would I recognize it?
588
00:24:28,733 --> 00:24:30,223
AUTOMATED VOICE: The toast is ready.
589
00:24:30,435 --> 00:24:31,475
Di, we have to make lunch!
590
00:24:31,670 --> 00:24:34,138
I know. It's on the counter.
Make the sandwiches.
591
00:24:34,339 --> 00:24:36,204
All right. My waffles, my waffles!
592
00:24:36,508 --> 00:24:37,406
(EXCLAIMING)
593
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:38,474
I got it.
594
00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,039
Five second rule. Got it.
595
00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:46,775
N-Not too much almond milk
in the c-cereal. It g-gets too wet.
596
00:24:46,985 --> 00:24:48,385
- Is this the right amount?
- Uh-uh.
597
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,444
Well, eat fast.
598
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,914
Okay. Here you go.
599
00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:53,454
You have to cut up the berries...
600
00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:56,650
and put one piece in each hole
in the multigrain waffle.
601
00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:58,124
This food can touch?
602
00:24:58,363 --> 00:24:59,830
Eggless egg salad coming up.
603
00:25:00,031 --> 00:25:02,465
Okay, put the lettuce, hit it with the lettuce.
604
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:03,656
It's fine, they will never know.
605
00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:05,632
No crust, no crust.
606
00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:07,557
Now there's no sandwich.
Look what you made.
607
00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:12,943
I like them, Carl likes them. Right, Carl?
608
00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:16,807
And your opinion has value.
And, what's the other one?
609
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:17,811
Worth.
610
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:21,110
But I know from experience
that wearing heels can be tricky.
611
00:25:21,319 --> 00:25:22,513
Especially during recess.
612
00:25:22,721 --> 00:25:25,417
Wouldn't you and Carl
both be more comfortable in sneakers?
613
00:25:25,624 --> 00:25:26,522
No.
614
00:25:26,725 --> 00:25:28,526
Hey, what's going on?
We are going to be late.
615
00:25:30,328 --> 00:25:32,023
It's Project Runway.
616
00:25:32,230 --> 00:25:34,528
I tried handling
it like Alice said, but it's not working.
617
00:25:34,733 --> 00:25:36,462
All right,
get the other two in the car, I'll handle this.
618
00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:37,327
Artie.
619
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,333
It's okay. Let me try.
620
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,031
Take off those shoes
and I'll give you a dollar.
621
00:25:44,242 --> 00:25:45,300
- Five.
- Two-fifty.
622
00:25:45,510 --> 00:25:46,670
Deal.
623
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:48,808
Just punch in "go to school."
624
00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:51,448
Why is this easier than
you just telling me how to get there?
625
00:25:51,650 --> 00:25:53,570
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: - I heard that.
- Whoa! Whoa!
626
00:25:53,585 --> 00:25:55,951
Is he in there?
627
00:25:56,154 --> 00:25:57,416
It's Dad, and it's a recording.
628
00:25:57,589 --> 00:25:58,886
It's just a little family joke.
629
00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:02,025
Yeah, it's interesting
because, usually, jokes are funny.
630
00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:03,717
But hey, why kill time laughing?
631
00:26:03,929 --> 00:26:05,123
Okay, here you go.
632
00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:06,297
- Thank you.
- What?
633
00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:07,458
- "Go garage."
- Go garage.
634
00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:08,431
Say it with force.
635
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:09,567
Go garage. Go garage.
636
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:11,621
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Welcome back, Alice.
637
00:26:12,003 --> 00:26:13,061
Mommy!
638
00:26:13,271 --> 00:26:15,796
Alice, what happened? Where's Phil?
639
00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:17,065
He's on his way to the airport.
640
00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:18,300
I'm going to meet him in a few hours.
641
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:19,408
There's an 8:00 flight tonight.
642
00:26:19,611 --> 00:26:20,339
But...
643
00:26:20,545 --> 00:26:21,545
One of my clients called.
644
00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:23,466
They need me to update
their website immediately.
645
00:26:23,615 --> 00:26:24,936
Can't it wait until you get back?
646
00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:27,484
No, it's ESPN.
There's a crisis with the X Games.
647
00:26:27,686 --> 00:26:28,744
You work for ESPN?
648
00:26:28,954 --> 00:26:31,514
Yeah, I'm one of their web
designers. Honey, get in the backseat.
649
00:26:31,623 --> 00:26:33,250
Really? I didn't know that.
650
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:37,156
It's interesting. ESPN. Really?
651
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:40,261
ARTIE: Nice school.
652
00:26:40,465 --> 00:26:42,228
How long have you been working for ESPN?
653
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:43,526
ALICE: About five years.
654
00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:45,135
ARTIE: - Really?
ALICE: - Mmm-hmm.
655
00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:49,836
Turner...
656
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,872
Artie is going to pick you up after school...
657
00:26:52,077 --> 00:26:54,068
and take you to speech therapy today.
658
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,713
Wh-Wh-Where are you-you going to be?
659
00:26:56,915 --> 00:26:58,780
Grandma and I are going
to buy Harper a dress.
660
00:26:58,984 --> 00:27:00,110
Great.
661
00:27:00,318 --> 00:27:01,080
Have a good day, you two.
662
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,446
See you later.
663
00:27:02,654 --> 00:27:04,294
I can't believe I'm going to get a tardy.
664
00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:05,812
Six tardies are an absent.
665
00:27:06,024 --> 00:27:07,116
How many does this make?
666
00:27:07,325 --> 00:27:08,451
One.
667
00:27:09,828 --> 00:27:12,092
Does she seem a little tightly wound?
668
00:27:12,297 --> 00:27:15,232
You know, she has HAS.
High Achievement Syndrome.
669
00:27:15,433 --> 00:27:16,400
Did you make that up?
670
00:27:16,601 --> 00:27:17,625
Yes.
671
00:27:17,836 --> 00:27:18,803
Hurry up, I can't get a tardy.
672
00:27:19,004 --> 00:27:22,167
I know she's a little tightly wound.
But we're working on it.
673
00:27:22,374 --> 00:27:24,467
Work on it soon before she explodes.
674
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:30,440
W-W-Watch where you're going,
Tu-Tu-Tu-Turner.
675
00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:32,578
S-S-Sorry.
676
00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:35,780
Hey, did you see that?
677
00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:37,614
Dad, no. No.
678
00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:39,222
Turner's therapist says that he has
679
00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:40,911
to work out peer conflicts on his own.
680
00:27:41,026 --> 00:27:41,993
He has a therapist?
681
00:27:42,193 --> 00:27:44,423
He had one,
and now he has a new one, Dr. Jimmy.
682
00:27:44,629 --> 00:27:45,823
Also a kid?
683
00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:46,793
No.
684
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,627
ESPN again. I need to get to a Wi-Fi.
685
00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:52,325
Maybe I can use the one here.
686
00:27:52,537 --> 00:27:53,977
Go ahead, I'll get Barker to school.
687
00:27:54,105 --> 00:27:55,072
Are you sure?
688
00:27:55,273 --> 00:27:56,501
Sure. What's the problem?
689
00:27:56,708 --> 00:27:57,970
Okay.
690
00:27:58,677 --> 00:27:59,644
Got the R-life.
691
00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,646
But then pick me up here.
Don't leave me stranded.
692
00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:04,246
Have I ever left you stranded?
693
00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:05,848
Four times when I was a kid.
694
00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:08,246
I love how you remember everything.
695
00:28:19,998 --> 00:28:21,124
Okay, Barker, hop out.
696
00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:23,095
I can't. I'm still buckled in.
697
00:28:23,301 --> 00:28:24,097
Carl, unbuckle him.
698
00:28:24,302 --> 00:28:26,702
Hello? He's at a doctor's appointment.
699
00:28:27,572 --> 00:28:29,335
Stupid me. Okay.
700
00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:38,521
Boy, this is harder than
one of your grandma's bras.
701
00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:39,672
I'm going to be late.
702
00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:41,681
- I'm tr......
(CARS HONKING)
703
00:28:43,822 --> 00:28:46,620
It works, okay? Your horn works.
704
00:28:48,159 --> 00:28:49,456
(HONKING)
705
00:28:50,695 --> 00:28:52,822
I won't need this by the time you're done.
706
00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:01,037
Here you go. Here.
707
00:29:01,239 --> 00:29:03,707
Careful, he's a runner.
708
00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:07,167
Bye, Farty.
709
00:29:09,547 --> 00:29:11,412
One second.
710
00:29:11,616 --> 00:29:13,311
- Hey, Ash.
- Hey, Cody.
711
00:29:13,518 --> 00:29:15,179
- Did you get my Evite?
- Yep, I'm coming.
712
00:29:15,386 --> 00:29:16,853
Cool.
713
00:29:18,022 --> 00:29:20,183
This is my friend, Harper. This is Cody.
714
00:29:20,391 --> 00:29:21,722
- Hey.
- Hi.
715
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,419
I'm having this birthday thing Friday night.
716
00:29:24,696 --> 00:29:26,561
There's going to be a DJ, and my parents
717
00:29:26,731 --> 00:29:28,596
promised not to be ridiculously lame.
718
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:29,994
Right. Parents.
719
00:29:30,201 --> 00:29:33,762
So, if you want to swing by,
that would be pretty cool.
720
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:35,735
Oh. Um...
721
00:29:38,042 --> 00:29:39,566
I can't.
722
00:29:40,812 --> 00:29:44,213
I got this thing the next day.
723
00:29:44,415 --> 00:29:45,939
- She has a thing.
- I got a thing.
724
00:29:46,151 --> 00:29:47,709
Okay. That's cool.
725
00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:49,250
Yeah. No, it's super cool.
726
00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:51,422
Well, if you change your mind,
just, you know...
727
00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:53,090
Yeah. Totally, I'll...
728
00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:54,258
Cool.
729
00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:56,020
Bye.
730
00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:58,360
(MIMICS KISSING)
731
00:29:58,463 --> 00:29:59,191
Stop it.
732
00:29:59,364 --> 00:30:00,092
(LAUGHING)
733
00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:02,896
AUTOMATED VOICE: Microwave on.
734
00:30:03,101 --> 00:30:04,090
Garbage disposal on.
735
00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:05,350
(GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHIRRING)
736
00:30:06,070 --> 00:30:07,628
Vacuum cleaner on.
737
00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:09,204
(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)
738
00:30:09,374 --> 00:30:10,894
Oh, please, just let me do the dishes.
739
00:30:11,776 --> 00:30:14,108
AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome back,
Artie Decker.
740
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:16,579
What a morning.
741
00:30:16,781 --> 00:30:19,272
It's 9 AM, I need a martini.
742
00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:20,746
Tell me something.
743
00:30:21,386 --> 00:30:22,717
Did you believe that story?
744
00:30:22,921 --> 00:30:25,116
Absolutely not. What story?
745
00:30:25,323 --> 00:30:27,086
Alice's work emergency.
746
00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:28,250
You think she was lying?
747
00:30:28,459 --> 00:30:30,552
Why couldn't that
work have been done at Hilton Head?
748
00:30:30,762 --> 00:30:32,923
It's like she doesn't trust us with her kids.
749
00:30:33,131 --> 00:30:34,723
Like she thinks we're idiots.
750
00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:37,430
By the way, where is she?
751
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:49,309
Where have you been?
752
00:30:51,916 --> 00:30:53,577
I know.
753
00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:03,294
You know, Harper, when I was your age...
754
00:31:03,461 --> 00:31:05,895
this was my favorite time of the day,
right after school.
755
00:31:06,097 --> 00:31:07,223
Why, what did you do?
756
00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:08,660
We used to go to my friend Heidi's house...
757
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:11,267
put on her mother's clothes,
blast music and smoke.
758
00:31:11,436 --> 00:31:12,835
(DIANE CHUCKLING)
- Mom!
759
00:31:12,937 --> 00:31:14,905
Don't smoke. Don't smoke.
760
00:31:24,115 --> 00:31:26,015
Oh, Lulu, that was so great.
761
00:31:26,217 --> 00:31:28,097
Honey, you're really
starting to take control...
762
00:31:28,219 --> 00:31:30,915
and literally holding the reins.
763
00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,612
Okay, Turner...
764
00:31:32,957 --> 00:31:34,788
would you like to share?
765
00:31:43,268 --> 00:31:45,759
(IMITATING AIRPLANE)
766
00:31:51,175 --> 00:31:52,039
Good work, Turner.
767
00:31:52,210 --> 00:31:53,108
(ALL APPLAUDING)
768
00:31:53,211 --> 00:31:54,178
Awesome.
769
00:31:57,415 --> 00:31:59,474
Super job, Lulu. See you next week?
770
00:31:59,684 --> 00:32:00,810
Thank you.
771
00:32:03,054 --> 00:32:05,045
CASSANDRA: That was really awesome.
772
00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:06,848
I take it you're Turner's grandfather.
773
00:32:07,392 --> 00:32:08,381
Hi.
774
00:32:09,427 --> 00:32:10,223
I'm Artie Decker.
775
00:32:10,428 --> 00:32:12,123
Cassandra.
776
00:32:12,330 --> 00:32:14,059
You seem to be having some trouble
777
00:32:14,165 --> 00:32:15,860
embracing our program, am I right?
778
00:32:16,067 --> 00:32:18,160
Well, let me say first,
779
00:32:18,269 --> 00:32:20,294
that I have professional experience
in this area.
780
00:32:20,505 --> 00:32:22,632
Oh, wonderful.
Where did you receive your degree?
781
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:23,898
Oh, no degree. No.
782
00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:27,407
I speak for a living.
I'm a baseball announcer.
783
00:32:28,413 --> 00:32:31,814
Little different than a PhD
in speech therapy from Yale. Right?
784
00:32:32,383 --> 00:32:33,850
- Right. Yeah.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
785
00:32:34,552 --> 00:32:36,520
That's a point well taken.
786
00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:38,552
But on the other hand,
I sat here for almost an hour...
787
00:32:38,756 --> 00:32:41,486
and I saw these kids
do everything but speak.
788
00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:43,251
So, are you training them to be mimes?
789
00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:45,929
Because a lot of those jobs
are being shipped overseas.
790
00:32:49,267 --> 00:32:50,757
(MURMURING)
791
00:32:52,603 --> 00:32:54,628
"I'm walking, but there's wind,
792
00:32:54,739 --> 00:32:56,707
"but there's no wind." You know?
793
00:32:58,242 --> 00:33:01,734
Okay. I am employing
the Houghton method.
794
00:33:01,946 --> 00:33:03,971
Now these kids, they're under
too much pressure to speak...
795
00:33:04,182 --> 00:33:07,345
so we make it very
clear that in here, they need not say a word.
796
00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:09,713
They're currently in a movement phase.
797
00:33:09,921 --> 00:33:10,888
Yeah, I saw that.
798
00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:13,387
They're moving everything but their lips.
799
00:33:13,591 --> 00:33:15,231
And he wears these ear buds all the time.
800
00:33:15,293 --> 00:33:16,555
What's that about?
801
00:33:16,761 --> 00:33:18,422
He is listening to the words
that he has trouble with...
802
00:33:18,629 --> 00:33:21,564
and then when
he's comfortable, he can repeat them.
803
00:33:21,766 --> 00:33:22,994
And it's helping him a lot.
804
00:33:23,201 --> 00:33:24,225
How can you tell?
805
00:33:24,635 --> 00:33:26,432
Listen, I haven't seen the kid in a year...
806
00:33:26,637 --> 00:33:28,764
and frankly, I don't see
any improvement at all.
807
00:33:28,973 --> 00:33:31,407
What I see is my grandson is now Flight 38
808
00:33:31,509 --> 00:33:33,269
- from Salt Lake.
(CASSANDRA CLEARS THROAT)
809
00:33:34,645 --> 00:33:35,907
Hey, Turner!
810
00:33:36,114 --> 00:33:38,114
Cassandra's just telling me
how great you're doing.
811
00:33:38,216 --> 00:33:40,912
She sees so much improvement. It's great.
812
00:33:44,055 --> 00:33:47,684
Sometimes I shouldn't move my lips.
I'm sorry.
813
00:33:50,762 --> 00:33:51,820
(CLEARS THROAT)
814
00:33:51,929 --> 00:33:53,260
That's not bad.
815
00:33:53,464 --> 00:33:55,932
"Not bad"?
She looks like a 12-year-old widow.
816
00:33:56,901 --> 00:33:58,869
- I do?
- You do.
817
00:33:59,070 --> 00:34:01,732
But that's perfect
for a classical music program.
818
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:03,634
Well, what about this?
819
00:34:03,841 --> 00:34:06,901
This is perfect for someone
with a cute little hiney.
820
00:34:07,445 --> 00:34:08,434
I love it.
821
00:34:08,646 --> 00:34:11,137
Mom, it's for a concert,
not to meet the fleet.
822
00:34:11,349 --> 00:34:14,147
Hey, it's an audition,
and all auditions are alike.
823
00:34:14,352 --> 00:34:15,649
"Get their attention!"
824
00:34:15,853 --> 00:34:17,377
You sell the sizzle, not the steak.
825
00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:19,389
That's how I got all those weather girl jobs.
826
00:34:19,524 --> 00:34:21,287
So, are you a trained meteorologist?
827
00:34:21,492 --> 00:34:22,459
Trained?
828
00:34:22,660 --> 00:34:24,719
Oh, honey, I had a tight dress and a pointer.
829
00:34:24,929 --> 00:34:26,328
I used to sing my forecasts.
830
00:34:26,531 --> 00:34:28,092
As a matter of fact, sometimes your mom
831
00:34:28,166 --> 00:34:30,259
used to sing them with me on TV.
832
00:34:30,468 --> 00:34:31,662
Mom, you never even told me that!
833
00:34:31,769 --> 00:34:32,758
I mentioned it.
834
00:34:32,970 --> 00:34:34,850
Remember our winter song?
That was our best one.
835
00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:36,206
No, I don't remember that one.
836
00:34:36,307 --> 00:34:37,296
Sure you do.
837
00:34:37,508 --> 00:34:38,736
We sang it 1,000 times.
838
00:34:38,943 --> 00:34:41,605
I love you. Come on, please.
No one's watching.
839
00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:42,745
Only for you.
840
00:34:42,947 --> 00:34:44,244
Ready?
841
00:34:44,449 --> 00:34:48,783
(SINGING) Button up your overcoat
in the wintry breeze
842
00:34:48,986 --> 00:34:52,945
Take good care of yourself
'cause it's nine degrees!
843
00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,581
(GIGGLING) Good job, Mom.
844
00:34:54,792 --> 00:34:55,656
Do the spin.
845
00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:58,658
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
I'll never shop at Bloomingdale's again.
846
00:34:58,863 --> 00:35:00,626
Aw! You still got it, kiddo.
847
00:35:00,832 --> 00:35:02,493
That was great. Ah!
848
00:35:03,067 --> 00:35:04,591
All right, now...
849
00:35:04,802 --> 00:35:07,003
you've got to try this on.
I'm dying to see this on you.
850
00:35:07,171 --> 00:35:08,468
- Okay.
DIANE: - Okay.
851
00:35:08,673 --> 00:35:12,871
Mom. She cannot wear
a cocktail dress to the audition.
852
00:35:13,077 --> 00:35:15,307
I'd like to feel that you're listening to me.
853
00:35:15,513 --> 00:35:17,233
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Did you say something?
854
00:35:17,748 --> 00:35:18,510
No, no.
855
00:35:18,716 --> 00:35:20,650
Look at this. This is a hot little number.
856
00:35:20,918 --> 00:35:21,976
(CHUCKLING)
857
00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:24,718
Oh, not for her. For me.
858
00:35:24,922 --> 00:35:26,685
Cue the band.
859
00:35:29,594 --> 00:35:32,085
Hey. What are you doing?
860
00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:33,763
Guarding the door.
861
00:35:33,965 --> 00:35:34,932
Can I go in?
862
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,259
Not today, sir.
863
00:35:36,467 --> 00:35:37,491
Is he crying?
864
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:39,832
He doesn't cry, he makes the face.
865
00:35:42,073 --> 00:35:43,597
I didn't mean to upset him.
866
00:35:43,808 --> 00:35:45,867
You should've used your exit shoes.
867
00:35:46,077 --> 00:35:46,702
My what?
868
00:35:46,911 --> 00:35:50,369
Exit shoes, to walk away
and not use a red voice.
869
00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,139
And a red voice is...?
870
00:35:52,350 --> 00:35:56,343
Super-mad sounding.
You shouldn't use it. Never.
871
00:35:56,554 --> 00:35:59,717
- Uh-huh.
- That's why you have a cool toolbox.
872
00:35:59,924 --> 00:36:02,085
It's where you keep your cool blue voice,
873
00:36:02,193 --> 00:36:04,320
your exit shoes and your repair squares.
874
00:36:04,929 --> 00:36:06,123
Where did you learn all this?
875
00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:07,228
Preschool.
876
00:36:07,431 --> 00:36:09,626
You mean, there are more kids like you?
877
00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:12,632
I'm doomed. All right, I'm going in there.
878
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:14,202
What's in it for me?
879
00:36:15,273 --> 00:36:16,297
(CHUCKLING)
880
00:36:19,677 --> 00:36:21,076
Thank you.
881
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:23,404
The little capitalist.
882
00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:28,181
Hi, there.
883
00:36:28,386 --> 00:36:32,186
All right, so I am taking a repair
square out of my cool toolbox...
884
00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:35,154
to say in my blue voice, that I am sorry.
885
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:37,995
So, are we good now?
886
00:36:38,296 --> 00:36:39,092
No.
887
00:36:39,297 --> 00:36:40,924
- Would you like five dollars?
- No.
888
00:36:41,132 --> 00:36:43,828
An unopened package
of men's size 34 underwear?
889
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:44,831
No.
890
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:46,867
Is there anything I can do
to make this right?
891
00:36:47,238 --> 00:36:50,366
W-Well, th-there is one thing.
892
00:36:53,344 --> 00:36:54,265
(WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV)
893
00:36:54,278 --> 00:36:55,040
BOTH: Aaargh!
894
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,745
(PANTING) They made six of these?
895
00:37:00,151 --> 00:37:01,584
Oy.
896
00:37:02,019 --> 00:37:04,749
ARTIE: Now, this is Artie's idea of fun.
897
00:37:05,156 --> 00:37:07,556
Ooh! Look at that.
898
00:37:07,758 --> 00:37:10,056
Who knew ice cream could be a cake?
899
00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:12,252
Yeah. All right, now here's the deal.
900
00:37:12,463 --> 00:37:13,828
Just little pieces...
901
00:37:14,031 --> 00:37:17,057
and you don't tell Mommy
about the movie...
902
00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:19,930
and I don't tell her about the cake.
903
00:37:20,137 --> 00:37:22,833
Okay? All right? Deal? Friends again?
904
00:37:22,974 --> 00:37:23,814
High five! All right.
905
00:37:23,874 --> 00:37:24,602
(BEEPING)
906
00:37:24,809 --> 00:37:29,337
AUTOMATED VOICE: Incoming
message. Urgent e-mail from "E-spen."
907
00:37:29,580 --> 00:37:31,445
ESPN...
908
00:37:38,956 --> 00:37:40,787
Pam Rosen.
909
00:37:42,793 --> 00:37:44,226
You guys okay?
910
00:37:44,562 --> 00:37:46,587
I will be right back.
911
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,196
(BOTH GIGGLING)
912
00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:57,234
(IN MOCK SOUTHERN US ACCENT)
Ms. Pam Rosen, please.
913
00:37:57,441 --> 00:38:00,740
My name is Cal R. Life.
914
00:38:00,945 --> 00:38:05,382
Yeah. L-Y-P-H-E-T. The "T" is silent.
915
00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:08,880
What a great day.
It's like a birthday that came early.
916
00:38:09,086 --> 00:38:10,075
It was a great day.
917
00:38:10,288 --> 00:38:12,483
And my forecast for the rest of the week...
918
00:38:12,590 --> 00:38:13,750
- Sunny, sunny, sunny.
(PHONE RINGING)
919
00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:15,391
Back to you, Herb.
920
00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:17,788
Oh, it's your dad, I'll be right in.
921
00:38:17,995 --> 00:38:18,723
Hi!
922
00:38:18,929 --> 00:38:20,419
Today is your lucky day, Ms. Rosen.
923
00:38:20,631 --> 00:38:23,225
The catfish just jumped
right into your frying pan.
924
00:38:23,434 --> 00:38:25,800
Yeah, Artie Decker, "De Voice" is in town.
925
00:38:26,003 --> 00:38:28,403
He heard about your X Games
and he would love to audition.
926
00:38:28,606 --> 00:38:31,439
I'm just walking in.
Video chat me in 2 minutes, okay?
927
00:38:31,642 --> 00:38:34,236
Hi, Artie, we're back!
Did you have fun with the boys?
928
00:38:34,345 --> 00:38:35,573
(BOTH ROARING)
929
00:38:35,846 --> 00:38:38,440
Look at this place!
We're going to have to call FEMA!
930
00:38:38,649 --> 00:38:39,343
Cake.
931
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:41,279
- Where's Artie?
- He left!
932
00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:42,452
He left?
933
00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:43,950
(BARKER SINGING)
- If your mother sees this...
934
00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,087
What's going on?
935
00:38:45,222 --> 00:38:46,246
(SCREAMS)
936
00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:47,980
- Hi.
(CONTINUES SINGING)
937
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:49,315
What did you do?
938
00:38:49,527 --> 00:38:51,324
(STAMMERING) I just got here!
939
00:38:51,529 --> 00:38:52,826
You gave them cake?
940
00:38:53,030 --> 00:38:54,463
I gave them slivers.
941
00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:55,996
Why? Why, Artie?
942
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:58,860
Because he upset Turner at Speech Class.
943
00:38:59,070 --> 00:39:00,230
- What?
ARTIE: - It was nothing.
944
00:39:00,237 --> 00:39:01,363
I just asked a question.
945
00:39:01,472 --> 00:39:02,564
"Why is nobody speaking?" That's all.
946
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:03,832
(BEEPING)
947
00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:05,521
(IN MOCK BRITISH ACCENT) Hello, love!
948
00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:09,172
I can't wait for
you to get here, me little rabbit.
949
00:39:09,447 --> 00:39:11,915
Shh! Not now! Oh, my.
950
00:39:12,783 --> 00:39:14,774
- Did he have a tattoo?
- Hmm?
951
00:39:15,119 --> 00:39:16,279
(MOANING AND GIGGLING)
952
00:39:17,455 --> 00:39:18,353
Harper?
953
00:39:19,657 --> 00:39:22,091
Mom! You lied to me!
954
00:39:22,293 --> 00:39:23,988
Yogurt is not like ice cream!
955
00:39:24,095 --> 00:39:25,119
No, honey.
956
00:39:25,229 --> 00:39:26,253
(HARPER SNARLING)
957
00:39:27,832 --> 00:39:28,628
Baby?
958
00:39:29,834 --> 00:39:31,631
- My favorite!
- Harper!
959
00:39:32,470 --> 00:39:33,960
(YELPS)
BOTH: - Ooh!
960
00:39:37,508 --> 00:39:41,808
This perfectly sums up
your entire approach to parenting.
961
00:39:42,012 --> 00:39:42,979
We had an approach?
962
00:39:43,180 --> 00:39:44,147
I don't know.
963
00:39:44,348 --> 00:39:47,943
AUTOMATED VOICE: Would Artie and
Turner like to continue watching Saw?
964
00:39:48,152 --> 00:39:50,120
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
You must be mistaken.
965
00:39:50,321 --> 00:39:52,221
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Saw, Rated R for strong graphic violence,
966
00:39:52,323 --> 00:39:53,517
nudity and language.
967
00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:54,713
No.
968
00:39:55,226 --> 00:39:56,523
Why did he give them cake?
969
00:39:56,827 --> 00:39:59,057
Because he does what he wants
and she defends him!
970
00:39:59,263 --> 00:40:00,287
Where are the kids now?
971
00:40:00,731 --> 00:40:03,131
Oh, I put them
on the treadmill until they calm down.
972
00:40:03,334 --> 00:40:05,825
I told you my parents couldn't handle this.
973
00:40:06,036 --> 00:40:09,005
Maybe it's just a case
of first-day, worst-day.
974
00:40:09,106 --> 00:40:10,095
Oh.
975
00:40:10,207 --> 00:40:13,199
Hey. You better hurry up.
You're going to miss your flight.
976
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,879
Honey, I don't think that I should go today.
977
00:40:16,547 --> 00:40:17,947
Maybe I should go tomorrow morning.
978
00:40:18,048 --> 00:40:18,980
Okay. Yeah.
979
00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:21,141
We'll still have four days together.
980
00:40:21,685 --> 00:40:22,481
Okay.
981
00:40:22,686 --> 00:40:23,880
You look good in cake.
982
00:40:25,456 --> 00:40:27,356
(BASEBALL COMMENTARY ON IPOD)
983
00:40:29,293 --> 00:40:31,022
What in the world is wrong with you?
984
00:40:31,529 --> 00:40:32,723
What did I say?
985
00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:34,420
What did I say to you?
986
00:40:34,632 --> 00:40:35,753
Just talk to me. Don't yell.
987
00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:37,813
I said, "Artie,
this is a second chance for us."
988
00:40:37,935 --> 00:40:39,266
I said, "Artie, please behave."
989
00:40:39,470 --> 00:40:42,030
I said, "Artie, I really want
those kids to love us!"
990
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,901
Or can't you remember
all the way back to yesterday?
991
00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:46,076
Okay, that's what I did.
992
00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:48,245
When the cake
went in their mouths they loved me!
993
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:51,381
Yeah, and now Alice
doesn't want to leave us alone with them.
994
00:40:51,582 --> 00:40:52,549
She doesn't trust us!
995
00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:53,717
She said that?
996
00:40:53,918 --> 00:40:55,351
On the phone to Phil.
997
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,548
I accidentally overheard her
when I was listening at the door.
998
00:40:58,989 --> 00:41:01,389
She thinks we're a pair of knuckleheads.
999
00:41:01,725 --> 00:41:03,090
Especially you!
1000
00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:08,557
It's the bottom of the ninth, Artie.
1001
00:41:08,766 --> 00:41:10,597
We're going to lose the game.
1002
00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:12,230
Shape up.
1003
00:41:17,374 --> 00:41:18,568
(EXHALES)
1004
00:41:24,181 --> 00:41:26,149
(VIOLIN PLAYING)
1005
00:41:31,021 --> 00:41:32,352
(PLAYS DISSONANT NOTE)
1006
00:41:33,757 --> 00:41:34,781
Oh!
1007
00:41:35,659 --> 00:41:37,251
Wonderful. Oh!
1008
00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:41,058
Bravo.
1009
00:41:42,132 --> 00:41:45,431
Oh, wow! Harper, that was wonderful!
1010
00:41:45,636 --> 00:41:46,603
I stunk.
1011
00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:47,885
You most certainly did not!
1012
00:41:47,972 --> 00:41:48,996
(DOOR CLOSING)
1013
00:41:49,707 --> 00:41:51,402
Wasn't she wonderful?
1014
00:41:51,609 --> 00:41:52,489
(IN SLAVIC ACCENT) No.
1015
00:41:52,610 --> 00:41:54,771
This will not be good enough
for your audition!
1016
00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:56,469
You must practice more!
1017
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,308
When my daughter underperforms,
I shun her.
1018
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,508
This girl should be shunned!
1019
00:42:01,952 --> 00:42:04,978
Practice, practice, practice!
1020
00:42:05,823 --> 00:42:07,415
Gee whiz.
1021
00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:10,492
Wasn't she the villain
in the last James Bond movie?
1022
00:42:11,629 --> 00:42:12,950
Oh! Sweetie, don't listen to her.
1023
00:42:12,997 --> 00:42:14,191
(SNIFFLING)
1024
00:42:14,398 --> 00:42:17,162
You know back in Amarillo,
when Artie was announcing there...
1025
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,598
I got this audition
to be the local weather girl.
1026
00:42:19,803 --> 00:42:21,703
Well, I was so uptight.
1027
00:42:21,906 --> 00:42:25,171
Artie took me out the night before and we
both got bombed! (CHUCKLES)
1028
00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:27,435
And the next day I got the job.
1029
00:42:28,145 --> 00:42:29,669
So, you're saying I should drink?
1030
00:42:30,948 --> 00:42:32,677
No, no, no. I'm not saying that.
1031
00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:35,511
I am saying that perhaps you could relax.
1032
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,119
You could go out with your friends.
1033
00:42:37,187 --> 00:42:40,020
You could have some fun Friday night.
You know?
1034
00:42:40,424 --> 00:42:43,757
Friday, I was invited to a...
1035
00:42:44,261 --> 00:42:45,285
Oh.
1036
00:42:48,065 --> 00:42:48,895
No.
1037
00:42:49,199 --> 00:42:50,166
No, no, no!
1038
00:42:50,801 --> 00:42:53,998
I have three more days!
I have to practice! I have to...
1039
00:42:54,204 --> 00:42:56,832
I have to practice every second!
1040
00:43:00,411 --> 00:43:01,776
Doctor Schveer?
1041
00:43:02,313 --> 00:43:03,371
Yes?
1042
00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,344
Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot.
1043
00:43:05,549 --> 00:43:06,709
But I would like to let you know that...
1044
00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:09,545
if you ever speak
to my granddaughter like that again...
1045
00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:11,114
there will be nothing left of you,
1046
00:43:11,155 --> 00:43:12,435
but some red hair and an accent!
1047
00:43:12,623 --> 00:43:14,386
Is that clear, comrade?
1048
00:43:15,192 --> 00:43:16,523
(GREETS IN RUSSIAN)
1049
00:43:30,107 --> 00:43:31,199
(GRUNTS)
1050
00:43:38,816 --> 00:43:40,613
Ooh! Thank you. Here you go.
1051
00:43:40,884 --> 00:43:42,010
Mmm!
1052
00:43:42,252 --> 00:43:43,719
(MUMBLING)
1053
00:43:44,488 --> 00:43:45,477
Carcinogens.
1054
00:43:46,523 --> 00:43:47,923
Oh, the first one just laid a base.
1055
00:43:48,025 --> 00:43:50,493
This is the real thing. I'm at the ballpark.
1056
00:43:54,765 --> 00:43:56,392
He likes baseball, huh?
1057
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:57,567
Yeah, he likes lots of things.
1058
00:43:57,768 --> 00:44:01,260
He likes sports.
He likes science, he likes movies.
1059
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:02,769
He likes cake.
1060
00:44:02,973 --> 00:44:04,133
Touché.
1061
00:44:05,009 --> 00:44:07,842
He's just hidden behind that... stutter.
1062
00:44:08,045 --> 00:44:10,639
Well, you know, kids have a way
of working these things out.
1063
00:44:11,148 --> 00:44:12,115
No, they don't, Dad.
1064
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:13,977
That's why there's prison.
1065
00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:17,647
All right, guys, bring it in!
1066
00:44:17,688 --> 00:44:19,368
Bring it in! Get all those hands in there.
1067
00:44:19,456 --> 00:44:20,354
Come on.
1068
00:44:20,557 --> 00:44:23,822
Everybody on three. One, two, three...
1069
00:44:24,028 --> 00:44:25,962
ALL: Let's have fun!
1070
00:44:27,231 --> 00:44:29,699
I am so excited about this.
1071
00:44:30,234 --> 00:44:31,166
KID: Let's play!
1072
00:44:31,368 --> 00:44:32,266
ARTIE: He's pitching!
1073
00:44:32,469 --> 00:44:33,197
ALICE: Yeah.
1074
00:44:33,404 --> 00:44:34,393
He has a good arm.
1075
00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:35,472
Like Mom, like son.
1076
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,640
Yeah, right.
1077
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,171
No, you had a hose.
1078
00:44:38,375 --> 00:44:40,104
But then you hit puberty
and you got all girlie on me.
1079
00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:42,301
Well, gee, Dad,
I'm so sorry that I hit puberty.
1080
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:43,793
I was so proud of you back then.
1081
00:44:43,847 --> 00:44:45,508
You were usually the only girl out there.
1082
00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:48,111
You used to stand up to those stinky boys.
1083
00:44:48,318 --> 00:44:50,218
Do you remember that summer
when you worked for me in the booth...
1084
00:44:50,421 --> 00:44:52,150
keeping score and doing stats?
1085
00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:53,721
You were so cute, sitting there
1086
00:44:53,824 --> 00:44:55,849
- scrunched over your little pencil.
(CHUCKLING)
1087
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:57,961
You never saw that ball coming, did you?
1088
00:44:58,062 --> 00:44:59,154
You could have yelled "Incoming."
1089
00:44:59,363 --> 00:45:01,283
I was on the air.
I didn't want to start a panic.
1090
00:45:01,398 --> 00:45:03,161
You do love that job.
1091
00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:04,391
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1092
00:45:04,601 --> 00:45:05,568
Yeah, I do.
1093
00:45:05,769 --> 00:45:06,736
UMPIRE CLARK: Batter up!
1094
00:45:08,072 --> 00:45:09,539
Ah! This is that bully kid.
1095
00:45:09,740 --> 00:45:10,900
Yeah, Ivan.
1096
00:45:11,108 --> 00:45:13,474
I would so like to see Turner strike him out.
1097
00:45:23,887 --> 00:45:24,512
Strike!
1098
00:45:24,955 --> 00:45:28,186
Strike one!
Hey, he is really good. He's really good.
1099
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:29,859
Way to go, Turner!
1100
00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:31,027
Turner Simmons on the mound...
1101
00:45:31,228 --> 00:45:33,696
a young Cuban prospect
who escaped on a raft.
1102
00:45:33,897 --> 00:45:35,330
He's facing Ivan, a miserable child
1103
00:45:35,432 --> 00:45:37,033
who is loathed and despised by everyone.
1104
00:45:37,034 --> 00:45:38,274
ALICE: - Dad!
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1105
00:45:41,238 --> 00:45:43,866
Swing and a miss! Strike two! Hoo-hoo!
1106
00:45:43,974 --> 00:45:45,566
One more strike and it's back
1107
00:45:45,676 --> 00:45:47,200
to the dugout
for this eight-year-old bullfrog.
1108
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:48,309
Dad...
1109
00:45:48,545 --> 00:45:51,639
ARTIE: The yearbook said
Ivan is "Most likely to do time."
1110
00:45:53,684 --> 00:45:55,015
Simmons looks at him.
1111
00:45:57,287 --> 00:45:58,311
He shakes it off.
1112
00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:03,560
Here's the pitch.
1113
00:46:04,695 --> 00:46:07,220
Strike three!
You're out of there! (WHOOPING)
1114
00:46:08,932 --> 00:46:10,490
Lights out, Alice!
1115
00:46:10,667 --> 00:46:11,827
(LAUGHS)
1116
00:46:13,971 --> 00:46:15,905
Way to go, Turner! Way to look!
1117
00:46:16,173 --> 00:46:18,607
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Blue, Blue! That's three strikes!
1118
00:46:18,942 --> 00:46:20,910
One, two, three! Out of there!
1119
00:46:21,145 --> 00:46:22,407
Time!
1120
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:23,904
ALICE: It's okay!
1121
00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:26,173
This is my dad and he's new here!
1122
00:46:26,483 --> 00:46:29,111
Oh, okay. There are no outs in this game.
1123
00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:31,618
No outs? How is that possible?
1124
00:46:31,822 --> 00:46:35,349
They hit until they get on base.
(CLEARS THROAT)
1125
00:46:35,559 --> 00:46:37,254
- Seriously?
- Seriously.
1126
00:46:37,461 --> 00:46:39,101
- Dad, why don't we just sit down?
- Oh...
1127
00:46:39,563 --> 00:46:40,723
(GROANS)
1128
00:46:41,064 --> 00:46:42,031
All right.
1129
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,200
But you know that's kind of stupid!
1130
00:46:44,301 --> 00:46:46,735
Because if you just think of the song...
1131
00:46:46,937 --> 00:46:49,297
(SINGING) 'Cause it's one, two,
three strikes, you're out...
1132
00:46:49,406 --> 00:46:50,737
at the old ball game
1133
00:46:50,941 --> 00:46:51,635
Not...
1134
00:46:51,842 --> 00:46:53,207
until you get a hit
1135
00:46:53,410 --> 00:46:55,878
He's right!
I hate these games! What's the point?
1136
00:46:56,079 --> 00:46:58,639
The point is for the kids
to enjoy the game without competition.
1137
00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:00,214
Yeah, but competition is the game.
1138
00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:01,475
You know, it's like life.
1139
00:47:01,685 --> 00:47:02,777
Let me ask you something.
1140
00:47:02,986 --> 00:47:04,666
I mean, how do you even
know who's winning?
1141
00:47:04,755 --> 00:47:06,222
In this league, we don't keep score.
1142
00:47:06,790 --> 00:47:09,782
Every game ends in a tie.
1143
00:47:10,961 --> 00:47:12,223
Oh, no.
1144
00:47:12,429 --> 00:47:15,489
No agony of defeat? Just the thrill of a tie?
1145
00:47:15,699 --> 00:47:17,257
It's good they don't keep score!
1146
00:47:17,467 --> 00:47:18,764
Yeah, 'cause your kid stinks.
1147
00:47:18,969 --> 00:47:20,493
Oh, I will bust you up!
1148
00:47:20,704 --> 00:47:22,262
The old guy's right. It's boring.
1149
00:47:22,472 --> 00:47:23,097
See?
1150
00:47:23,307 --> 00:47:25,036
It is not boring!
1151
00:47:25,409 --> 00:47:27,206
They're children and they're having fun!
1152
00:47:27,411 --> 00:47:29,743
And there's plenty of time
in their lives to keep score!
1153
00:47:29,947 --> 00:47:31,380
- And you are out!
- No, I'm not.
1154
00:47:31,582 --> 00:47:33,482
Oh, yeah. Turner, you struck him out.
1155
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:34,884
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
1156
00:47:35,085 --> 00:47:36,085
- You're out.
- No, I'm not!
1157
00:47:36,086 --> 00:47:36,780
- You're out!
- No, I'm not!
1158
00:47:36,987 --> 00:47:38,079
- Three strikes, you're out!
- No, I'm not!
1159
00:47:38,288 --> 00:47:39,414
Barker, what's going on?
1160
00:47:39,623 --> 00:47:41,215
Farty is going crazy.
1161
00:47:41,425 --> 00:47:42,392
Again?
1162
00:47:42,593 --> 00:47:43,958
- You're out!
- No, you're out!
1163
00:47:44,528 --> 00:47:45,688
(GROANS)
(ALL GASPING)
1164
00:47:46,263 --> 00:47:49,824
Ivan, no hitting!
Use your words!
1165
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,432
(SWEETLY) Yes, Mom.
1166
00:47:51,635 --> 00:47:55,969
I'm angry that you said I was out.
1167
00:47:57,975 --> 00:47:59,408
(CROWD EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK)
1168
00:48:00,244 --> 00:48:01,302
(COUGHS)
1169
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,739
Well, it's not boring anymore.
1170
00:48:07,317 --> 00:48:09,182
DIANE: How is this Artie's fault?
1171
00:48:09,386 --> 00:48:12,014
All I saw was
that little monster grab a baseball bat...
1172
00:48:12,222 --> 00:48:14,588
and hit your father in his... special place.
1173
00:48:14,791 --> 00:48:16,986
Well, you didn't see what led up to it.
1174
00:48:17,194 --> 00:48:17,785
Oh!
1175
00:48:17,961 --> 00:48:18,586
(PHONE CHIMES)
1176
00:48:19,363 --> 00:48:21,263
- It was my fault.
- Oh, honey.
1177
00:48:21,665 --> 00:48:23,360
You threatened her violin teacher?
1178
00:48:23,967 --> 00:48:24,991
She says "threatened."
1179
00:48:25,202 --> 00:48:27,295
I say "defended my granddaughter."
1180
00:48:27,938 --> 00:48:29,269
(PHONE RINGS)
1181
00:48:30,007 --> 00:48:30,996
ALICE: - Phil?
- Hey.
1182
00:48:31,208 --> 00:48:33,301
Hey, we won. I won!
1183
00:48:33,477 --> 00:48:35,672
I won! Can you believe it?
1184
00:48:35,879 --> 00:48:37,813
Oh, my gosh! (LAUGHING)
1185
00:48:38,015 --> 00:48:40,609
That's fantastic! That's fantastic!
1186
00:48:40,817 --> 00:48:42,682
- Daddy won!
- Congrats, Dad!
1187
00:48:42,886 --> 00:48:45,684
So, they're
giving me the award tomorrow night.
1188
00:48:45,889 --> 00:48:46,981
When are you getting here?
1189
00:48:47,190 --> 00:48:49,150
You don't know
what's going on here. It's madness.
1190
00:48:49,192 --> 00:48:51,490
We can't leave our children
with my parents.
1191
00:48:51,695 --> 00:48:53,890
So, what are you saying?
That you're not coming?
1192
00:48:54,097 --> 00:48:56,531
Phil, please listen to me. Try to understand.
1193
00:48:56,733 --> 00:48:57,700
I'm sorry.
1194
00:48:57,901 --> 00:49:00,199
Yeah. I understand perfectly.
1195
00:49:00,404 --> 00:49:01,462
All right. Um...
1196
00:49:03,573 --> 00:49:04,870
See you when I get back.
1197
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,614
Okay. We're going home.
1198
00:49:11,815 --> 00:49:12,782
No.
1199
00:49:13,150 --> 00:49:14,139
No?
1200
00:49:14,251 --> 00:49:15,343
Artie and the kids are going home.
1201
00:49:15,552 --> 00:49:17,486
I am taking you to the airport.
1202
00:49:17,688 --> 00:49:18,382
What?
1203
00:49:18,588 --> 00:49:20,647
Alice, your dad and I have
1204
00:49:20,757 --> 00:49:22,884
bent over backwards
to try to do things your way.
1205
00:49:23,093 --> 00:49:24,890
You haven't bent over at all.
1206
00:49:25,095 --> 00:49:27,222
Oh, I'm bent. Believe me, I'm bent.
1207
00:49:27,431 --> 00:49:28,955
Now, look. You asked us to come here
1208
00:49:29,066 --> 00:49:30,158
and take care of our grandchildren...
1209
00:49:30,367 --> 00:49:32,130
and you haven't given
us the chance to do it.
1210
00:49:32,336 --> 00:49:34,634
You have been on our backs,
especially your dad's...
1211
00:49:34,838 --> 00:49:35,805
ever since we got here!
1212
00:49:36,006 --> 00:49:39,203
Okay, take his side,
because you always do anyway.
1213
00:49:39,409 --> 00:49:40,569
DIANE: And for a good reason.
1214
00:49:40,677 --> 00:49:42,440
Because after your kids grow up,
1215
00:49:42,612 --> 00:49:44,375
your husband is the one who stays.
1216
00:49:44,581 --> 00:49:47,209
Alice, I know
you're trying to be a perfect parent...
1217
00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:49,749
but, honey, there's no such thing.
1218
00:49:49,953 --> 00:49:52,148
And frankly, you need to show Phil...
1219
00:49:52,356 --> 00:49:56,053
he's not just their father,
he's also your husband.
1220
00:49:56,893 --> 00:49:59,589
Alice, I'm your mom.
Take it from me, I really get it.
1221
00:49:59,796 --> 00:50:02,356
"Love the man, love the dream."
1222
00:50:02,566 --> 00:50:04,363
Well, your husband's dream
is coming true...
1223
00:50:04,568 --> 00:50:07,196
and part of that dream
is you being there with him!
1224
00:50:07,404 --> 00:50:09,201
How can you not go?
1225
00:50:09,473 --> 00:50:11,031
Oh, honey, you have to go.
1226
00:50:11,942 --> 00:50:13,170
You're going!
1227
00:50:13,577 --> 00:50:14,771
What about my clothes?
1228
00:50:14,878 --> 00:50:16,038
I don't think he wants you in clothes.
1229
00:50:16,246 --> 00:50:17,543
Besides, your luggage is already there.
1230
00:50:17,748 --> 00:50:20,046
Hey, kids, Mommy's finally going.
1231
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:21,615
What about my audition?
1232
00:50:21,818 --> 00:50:23,581
I'll take care of it! It'll be fantastic!
1233
00:50:23,787 --> 00:50:24,947
See you at the ranch.
1234
00:50:25,155 --> 00:50:26,417
Oh, no. Bye!
1235
00:50:26,623 --> 00:50:27,590
This is a happy day.
1236
00:50:27,791 --> 00:50:29,884
(SINGING) Oh, happy day
1237
00:50:31,128 --> 00:50:33,289
Could you drive? I don't feel good.
1238
00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:35,926
(HARPER GROANING)
1239
00:50:46,777 --> 00:50:48,506
(KNOCKING AT THE DOOR)
1240
00:51:00,524 --> 00:51:03,425
(IN MOCK BRITISH ACCENT) Gonna stand
there gawking? Gonna let me in?
1241
00:51:19,776 --> 00:51:22,336
No score here in the bottom
of the seventh with 2 outs.
1242
00:51:22,546 --> 00:51:25,606
The Giants and the Atlanta
Braves locked into a pitching duel.
1243
00:51:25,816 --> 00:51:27,784
Lincecum and Hudson,
both have been fantastic.
1244
00:51:27,984 --> 00:51:31,579
As Buster Posey steps in,
takes a strike in the inside corner.
1245
00:51:31,788 --> 00:51:34,518
I got to tell you friends,
this is one of those nights...
1246
00:51:34,724 --> 00:51:38,922
72 degrees, 45,000 fans,
smell of the popcorn, the hot dogs...
1247
00:51:39,129 --> 00:51:41,359
all of those clichés,
but I'll tell you something...
1248
00:51:41,565 --> 00:51:43,590
there's no other place I'd rather be.
1249
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,825
Posey hits
a line drive to third and that'll do it.
1250
00:51:46,036 --> 00:51:47,936
That's it, no score through seven.
1251
00:51:48,138 --> 00:51:52,507
We'll be back. This is Artie Decker,
De Voice of the Giants.
1252
00:51:59,216 --> 00:52:00,649
(ARTIE SNORING)
(BEEPING)
1253
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:03,048
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Reminder: No school today.
1254
00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,187
You have tickets for the symphony.