1 00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:47,290 My name is Happy Gilmore. 2 00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:51,665 Growing up, I always wanted to be a hockey player. 3 00:00:51,748 --> 00:00:54,623 But then 30 years ago, I picked up a golf club. 4 00:00:57,915 --> 00:00:59,873 Turned out to be a pretty good decision. 5 00:00:59,956 --> 00:01:03,873 And Happy Gilmore wins the 98th U.S. Open. 6 00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:06,998 I got to marry a great lady named Virginia, 7 00:01:07,081 --> 00:01:08,998 and we had a son named Gordy. 8 00:01:09,748 --> 00:01:12,290 The wins didn't always come as expected, 9 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,248 but like Grandma always said, 10 00:01:14,331 --> 00:01:17,290 sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. 11 00:01:18,123 --> 00:01:20,665 Oh, Lord! 12 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,581 I made it! 13 00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:26,290 Yeah, I was getting lucky in more ways than one. 14 00:01:26,373 --> 00:01:28,373 He shoots, he scores! 15 00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,456 And after our fourth boy in four years, 16 00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:33,290 Virginia had an idea for an endorsement. 17 00:01:33,373 --> 00:01:36,040 Trojan. Kids are great… 18 00:01:37,748 --> 00:01:39,290 …in moderation. 19 00:01:39,373 --> 00:01:41,540 What are you doing? Calm down! 20 00:01:42,165 --> 00:01:45,123 I tried to get the boys into competitive golf tournaments… 21 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:48,373 Follow that. 22 00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,998 But their hockey instincts were too strong. 23 00:01:52,540 --> 00:01:55,331 Boys, stop! Come on, what are you doing? 24 00:01:57,956 --> 00:02:01,748 Tiger Woods had a video game, so we did a Happy Gilmore one. 25 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:05,081 But I think the computer guys made it a little too realistic. 26 00:02:05,165 --> 00:02:06,206 You've had enough. 27 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:08,873 Anyways, the boys loved how violent it was, 28 00:02:08,956 --> 00:02:11,165 but it made my little girl nervous. 29 00:02:11,248 --> 00:02:13,956 That's right, we finally had a little girl, 30 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:17,206 sweet Vienna, Mommy's new best friend. 31 00:02:17,290 --> 00:02:20,581 Oh, and I hosted Saturday Night Live a few times. That was nice. 32 00:02:20,665 --> 00:02:22,498 The Spice Girls are here! 33 00:02:22,581 --> 00:02:23,998 Maroon 5 is here! 34 00:02:24,081 --> 00:02:28,290 The Weeknd is here! So stick around, we'll be right back. 35 00:02:28,373 --> 00:02:31,415 Yeah, we had it all, so I told Virginia… 36 00:02:31,498 --> 00:02:35,081 We should just retire so we can hang out with the kids all day. 37 00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:36,790 We're not done with golf, Happy. 38 00:02:36,873 --> 00:02:38,290 And golf's not done with us. 39 00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:42,581 It's like Chubbs used to say. We've only just begun. 40 00:02:42,665 --> 00:02:43,540 Hmm. 41 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:45,831 Gordy! 42 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,081 Oh, come on, don't pee on the slip-n-slide. 43 00:02:48,165 --> 00:02:50,040 Appreciate your time today. It's Mother's Day. 44 00:02:50,123 --> 00:02:52,123 We honor all of the mothers who are watching. 45 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,623 Let's go real deep now! 46 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:57,665 But in golf, even when you're at the top of your game… 47 00:02:57,748 --> 00:02:59,623 you can always shank one. 48 00:03:03,665 --> 00:03:04,665 Uh-oh. 49 00:03:06,748 --> 00:03:11,998 After the funeral, I decided I would never pick up a golf club again. 50 00:03:12,706 --> 00:03:15,165 I was now a single father of five children. 51 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,748 There was really only one thing I could do… 52 00:03:19,623 --> 00:03:21,040 I'd never been a big boozer, 53 00:03:21,123 --> 00:03:23,331 but alcohol was the only thing that helped me 54 00:03:23,415 --> 00:03:26,373 to forget what I'd done to the sweetest woman I'd ever known. 55 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,915 - Oh, one more thing… - It's no good. 56 00:03:28,998 --> 00:03:30,915 The money. 57 00:03:30,998 --> 00:03:31,998 Give me the… 58 00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:35,748 No, no, dude! Come on, man. 59 00:03:36,373 --> 00:03:38,831 See, Virginia always handled the finances, 60 00:03:38,915 --> 00:03:41,748 so without her, a lot of stuff fell through the cracks. 61 00:03:41,831 --> 00:03:43,456 Should I smash the window? 62 00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:46,831 Then I caught some guy trying to break into my Ferrari. 63 00:03:46,915 --> 00:03:48,665 Hey, can you hold my beer? 64 00:03:48,748 --> 00:03:50,290 Yeah. 65 00:03:51,873 --> 00:03:54,123 The guy wasn't a thief, he was a repo man. 66 00:03:54,206 --> 00:03:55,373 Can you let me explain? 67 00:03:55,456 --> 00:03:58,331 Turns out I didn't know I had to renew the lease. 68 00:03:58,415 --> 00:04:01,248 The big baby sued me, and I lost everything… 69 00:04:01,956 --> 00:04:04,748 including Grandma's house, which was devastating. 70 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,415 The boys had to move into an apartment together, 71 00:04:20,498 --> 00:04:24,165 and me and Vienna found a new place that was affordable. 72 00:04:26,456 --> 00:04:30,748 It's not the best neighborhood, but it's walkable to my new job. 73 00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:34,956 Gary, can you pick up in section 2? 74 00:04:44,790 --> 00:04:48,206 Happy Gilmore. Oh, my God, I'm such a massive fan. 75 00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,123 Okay, bro, what can I help you with? 76 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,206 You ever hear of Maxi Sports Drink? 77 00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:53,790 I think that's aisle four. 78 00:04:53,873 --> 00:04:55,956 No. It's my company, I own it. 79 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,248 I'm Frank Manatee. 80 00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:00,456 My real passion is this cutting-edge golf project that I've been working on. 81 00:05:01,623 --> 00:05:04,165 I don't golf no more, brother. 82 00:05:04,248 --> 00:05:05,581 Cucumber juice in there? 83 00:05:05,665 --> 00:05:07,040 Sure. 84 00:05:07,123 --> 00:05:09,206 Anyway, I figured maybe you would start golfing again 85 00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:11,290 once you heard how huge this league was gonna be. 86 00:05:11,373 --> 00:05:13,540 I wish you luck, but I'm not interested. 87 00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:16,206 See, that's the thing. Nobody's interested in traditional golf. 88 00:05:16,290 --> 00:05:18,873 It's a boring sport played by boring people. 89 00:05:18,956 --> 00:05:20,873 They ain't boring, they're my friends. 90 00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:23,498 You don't understand. You inspired this thing, all right? 91 00:05:23,581 --> 00:05:25,790 And I love you, and I'd hate to see you pass this up 92 00:05:25,873 --> 00:05:28,581 and have your life turn out worse than it already is. 93 00:05:29,165 --> 00:05:31,415 I get it. Golf makes you tense, right? 94 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,831 Because the whole wife thing? 95 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,206 Get your skunk breath out of my face, or I swear to God— 96 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:37,831 Or what, tough guy? You're not gonna do a damn thing about it, 97 00:05:37,915 --> 00:05:41,498 because if you lay one finger on me, you're going right to jail. 98 00:05:41,581 --> 00:05:43,206 That's if I get caught. 99 00:05:44,998 --> 00:05:45,956 Operations. 100 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:50,331 Hey, Linda, can you turn the security cameras off for 90 seconds? 101 00:05:59,998 --> 00:06:05,665 Seven, eight. Fouetté, fouetté. Finish. 102 00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:10,248 Great. Arms, fifth. Soutenu. 103 00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,790 Fouetté, fouetté. 104 00:06:14,873 --> 00:06:16,665 Arms, fifth. 105 00:06:17,581 --> 00:06:21,790 Soutenu. Chaîné, chaîné. 106 00:06:21,873 --> 00:06:23,998 And arabesque. 107 00:06:25,456 --> 00:06:26,540 Look at that. 108 00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:28,290 Daddy! 109 00:06:28,373 --> 00:06:29,873 Hey, Vienna. 110 00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:34,706 Oh, with the kicks! Hey. The Rockettes are here. 111 00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:37,290 Glad you're home. 112 00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:39,456 You were a clue on Jeopardy! Let me show you. 113 00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:40,831 Really? 114 00:06:40,915 --> 00:06:42,581 Okay. Hi. 115 00:06:42,665 --> 00:06:43,581 Hi. 116 00:06:43,665 --> 00:06:45,290 How'd my girl do today? 117 00:06:45,373 --> 00:06:48,956 Great. Beyond great. She needs a better teacher than me. 118 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,123 - Look. - Yeah. 119 00:06:50,206 --> 00:06:52,790 With his amazing long drives and hockey player's temper, 120 00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:58,040 this golfer won the first of his six Tour Championships in 1996. Carter? 121 00:06:58,123 --> 00:06:59,415 Who is Happy Goldberg? 122 00:06:59,498 --> 00:07:01,206 Sorry, no. Ling. 123 00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,915 Who is Happy Gudenstein? 124 00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:04,831 Nope. Jana. 125 00:07:04,915 --> 00:07:07,498 Who is Skippy Goldenbaum? 126 00:07:07,581 --> 00:07:09,331 That is incorrect. 127 00:07:09,415 --> 00:07:12,498 He is Jewish, but we were looking for Happy Gilmore. 128 00:07:12,581 --> 00:07:13,915 At least he knew it. 129 00:07:13,998 --> 00:07:15,790 I'm making your grandma's brisket for dinner. 130 00:07:15,873 --> 00:07:16,873 The boys are coming. 131 00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:18,873 Okay, good. Good, I can't wait. 132 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:22,206 What do you mean, a better teacher? Are you quitting? 133 00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:24,415 No, but I work at the Boys and Girls Club. 134 00:07:24,498 --> 00:07:26,706 She's light years beyond anyone else I ever taught. 135 00:07:26,790 --> 00:07:28,581 So what? Where should she go? 136 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:31,123 The Paris Opera Ballet School. 137 00:07:31,206 --> 00:07:33,081 Where's that? Around here? 138 00:07:33,165 --> 00:07:35,248 It's in Paris. 139 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,123 They only have four slots open each year. 140 00:07:38,206 --> 00:07:39,998 I sent them the videos of Vienna, 141 00:07:40,081 --> 00:07:41,956 and they're saving one of the slots for her. 142 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,331 Is it free? 143 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,165 How much is it? 144 00:07:47,081 --> 00:07:48,915 $75,000 a year. 145 00:07:52,456 --> 00:07:55,373 I marinated the brisket in ketchup all day like you said Grandma used to. 146 00:07:55,456 --> 00:07:56,790 Absolutely incredible. 147 00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:57,956 You crushed it, Vivi. 148 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,123 Vienna, you're gonna have to make more. I'm starving. 149 00:08:00,206 --> 00:08:01,331 Easy, Bobby. Make your own. 150 00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,956 - Terry, how about I make you cry? - Are you freaking kidding? 151 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,206 Yeah! Strangle him! Use it! 152 00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:08,165 Put the fork down! Not the fork. 153 00:08:08,248 --> 00:08:10,540 We fight in the basement, not at the table. 154 00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,040 - Sorry, Daddy. - Sorry. 155 00:08:12,123 --> 00:08:13,290 It's all right. 156 00:08:14,206 --> 00:08:15,706 How's work going, boys? 157 00:08:15,790 --> 00:08:18,040 I gotta say, Pop, I'm loving the road crew. 158 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,665 I'm killing it at the car wash. 159 00:08:23,581 --> 00:08:25,998 I'm going for Employee of the Month at the drugstore. 160 00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:28,331 Whoop, whoop, whoop. 161 00:08:28,415 --> 00:08:30,373 I've been keeping the sky safe at the airport. 162 00:08:34,956 --> 00:08:35,873 Dude! 163 00:08:35,956 --> 00:08:39,498 You guys wouldn't have to be working if I didn't lose all our money. 164 00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:41,873 - We don't need no money. - Money's for snobs. 165 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:44,790 Everybody needs money to chase their dreams. 166 00:08:45,331 --> 00:08:47,081 You guys didn't even go to college 167 00:08:47,165 --> 00:08:50,248 because you thought you had to stick around here and keep an eye on me. 168 00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:51,623 What are you talking about? 169 00:08:51,706 --> 00:08:54,331 - …we got brisket, we got hockey here. - …we got food. 170 00:08:54,415 --> 00:08:57,665 I'm just psyched you thought any of us could get into college. 171 00:08:57,748 --> 00:08:59,123 He's not going to college. 172 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,915 That's what he was talking about. 173 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,790 It's a turn of phrase. Not saying— 174 00:09:02,873 --> 00:09:04,706 Turn of phrase? You just said— 175 00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:05,831 Say your phrase. 176 00:09:05,915 --> 00:09:06,956 It makes no sense. 177 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,206 I know what it means. 178 00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:11,415 You turn and you look at somebody and you say some— 179 00:09:11,498 --> 00:09:15,456 Here, it's never ending Can't remember when it started 180 00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:20,581 Pass around the lampshade There'll be plenty enough room in jail 181 00:09:23,915 --> 00:09:27,623 If being wrong's a crime I'm serving forever 182 00:09:27,706 --> 00:09:31,165 If being strong's your kind I need help… 183 00:09:31,248 --> 00:09:33,206 I'm telling you now, I'm getting the waterbed. 184 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:35,331 What are you talking about? I shottied the waterbed. 185 00:09:35,415 --> 00:09:37,498 - Enough out of you. - What? 186 00:09:37,581 --> 00:09:39,748 You're on the floor. You popped the waterbed. 187 00:09:39,831 --> 00:09:41,915 - Come on, let's go. - All right. 188 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,956 - Night, guys. Love you. - Thanks for coming. 189 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:46,831 Call me when you get there. 190 00:09:47,915 --> 00:09:49,998 Wait a minute. How are there four of you? 191 00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:54,081 Wait a minute. Who's steering? Gordy, don't steer with your feet. 192 00:09:54,165 --> 00:09:55,790 Chips off the old block, huh? 193 00:09:55,873 --> 00:09:57,081 Hey, Uncle John Daly. 194 00:09:57,165 --> 00:09:58,290 Hey, Vienna, Happy. 195 00:09:58,373 --> 00:09:59,290 Hey, pal. 196 00:09:59,373 --> 00:10:02,373 I'm almost out of here. I just put a down payment on a tent. 197 00:10:02,456 --> 00:10:04,540 Will you stop? I don't want you to leave. 198 00:10:04,623 --> 00:10:06,040 Stay as long as you need to. 199 00:10:06,123 --> 00:10:08,831 I appreciate you. You want to come watch Love Island? 200 00:10:08,915 --> 00:10:12,040 I do, but I'm going to have a couple of nightcaps 201 00:10:12,123 --> 00:10:13,956 and get some rest for work tomorrow. 202 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,415 Make that scratch, dog. 203 00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:17,706 Absolutely. Good night, my brother. 204 00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:19,248 Night, night. Love you. 205 00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:20,248 Love you. 206 00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:22,956 Oh, my God. I hope he marries her. 207 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,206 She going for it. 208 00:10:28,165 --> 00:10:29,998 I should be putting you to bed. 209 00:10:33,831 --> 00:10:36,915 Look, Dad, I know Miss Simon talked to you about dance school, 210 00:10:36,998 --> 00:10:38,206 but don't even think about it. 211 00:10:38,831 --> 00:10:41,790 When I was a teenager, I wanted to be on the Bruins. 212 00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:43,665 This is your Bruins. 213 00:10:43,748 --> 00:10:47,373 Except you know how to dance and I didn't know how to skate. 214 00:10:47,456 --> 00:10:50,498 Did you know Mama was a great dancer? 215 00:10:50,581 --> 00:10:51,748 Yeah, she was. 216 00:10:52,331 --> 00:10:53,790 Get some sleep, Dad. 217 00:10:55,456 --> 00:10:57,956 Yeah, she was something else. 218 00:10:58,915 --> 00:11:00,206 Good night, Dad. 219 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,123 Good night, Virginia. 220 00:11:11,123 --> 00:11:14,415 I can't believe that me in cheap lingerie 221 00:11:14,498 --> 00:11:18,373 carrying two pitchers of Moosehead was your "happy place." 222 00:11:19,373 --> 00:11:20,873 I'm sorry, Virginia. 223 00:11:20,956 --> 00:11:24,290 Oh, sweetie, don't worry. I'm not here to judge your fantasies. 224 00:11:24,373 --> 00:11:28,123 No, not that. I'm sorry about… 225 00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:29,873 Killing me with a tee shot? 226 00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,331 Come on. 227 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,331 You've apologized for that a thousand times. 228 00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:39,498 Look, Happy, I know you're worried about the kids' futures, 229 00:11:40,373 --> 00:11:43,290 but you've got to show them by example. 230 00:11:44,081 --> 00:11:46,415 Let them see the Happy I fell in love with. 231 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:48,998 - I'm not that man anymore. - Mmm. 232 00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:53,206 Okay. No, no, no. 233 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,123 - Please. - No, no. 234 00:11:55,206 --> 00:11:57,915 Can you just hold on to that for a second, sweetie? 235 00:11:57,998 --> 00:12:02,998 Honey, you'll always be the greatest, but you need some purpose. 236 00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:05,665 So I'm gonna tell you what I always told you. 237 00:12:05,748 --> 00:12:06,915 Okay. 238 00:12:08,123 --> 00:12:10,123 You're not a hockey player, Happy. 239 00:12:11,456 --> 00:12:13,040 You are a— 240 00:12:56,456 --> 00:12:58,790 Hey, where you going with those clubs, punk? 241 00:12:58,873 --> 00:13:00,498 Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddie. 242 00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:02,081 Oh, I'm sorry about that. 243 00:13:02,165 --> 00:13:03,331 No, let me carry these. 244 00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,331 They're my grandfather's. They're old. 245 00:13:32,331 --> 00:13:33,623 You gonna hit that? 246 00:13:36,998 --> 00:13:38,998 I don't know if I can, Johnny. 247 00:13:39,081 --> 00:13:41,456 How are you gonna put Vienna through ballet school? 248 00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:42,623 You know about that? 249 00:13:42,706 --> 00:13:44,206 Of course. You know what else I know? 250 00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,873 It's $75,000 a year. 251 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:49,540 That's four years. That's 333 grand. 252 00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:53,081 That's terrible math, Johnny. It's 300 grand. 253 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,581 Hey, if you can get a discount, that's great. 254 00:13:55,665 --> 00:13:57,373 But how you gonna make that cha-ching? 255 00:13:57,456 --> 00:13:58,456 I don't know. 256 00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:02,498 I thought I'd pick a few double shifts up at the supermarket. Maybe— 257 00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:05,998 There's only one way you can make some big dollars fast. Grip it and rip it. 258 00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:09,206 Johnny, I wouldn't even know where to start. 259 00:14:10,331 --> 00:14:11,415 At the bottom. 260 00:14:16,831 --> 00:14:19,123 Excuse me, I'm looking to get out there. 261 00:14:20,956 --> 00:14:24,706 There's a threesome going out at 10:15. You can join them. Name? 262 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,415 Don't worry about it. 263 00:14:27,081 --> 00:14:28,081 I won't. 264 00:14:30,706 --> 00:14:33,373 Who was that? Grizzly Adams? 265 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,206 I don't know who that is. 266 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:38,206 Is it just us three? 267 00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:40,623 No. Starter said a fourth is playing with us. 268 00:14:40,706 --> 00:14:42,956 - We gotta play with some random? - Yup. 269 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,456 It's always some yin-yang who plays like shit and never shuts up. 270 00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:48,373 Oh, man. Is that him? 271 00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:51,040 He looks like he got a divorce four seconds ago. 272 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,081 Are you the one that's playing with us? 273 00:14:53,165 --> 00:14:54,373 I think so, yeah. 274 00:14:54,456 --> 00:14:56,873 We like to play quick, so try to keep up? 275 00:14:57,790 --> 00:14:58,790 Got it. 276 00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:02,040 - Let's get this party started? - Yeah. 277 00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:04,248 - Yeah, let's get it started. - Whoo! 278 00:15:05,956 --> 00:15:06,998 Oh! 279 00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:11,206 - Whoo! Cart path! - Man! 280 00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:12,706 - Nice one, Fitzy. - Hell yeah. 281 00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:15,498 I will take that all day. 282 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,248 Yes, sir. You got this, girl. Get that shit. 283 00:15:21,165 --> 00:15:23,081 Ha! 284 00:15:23,165 --> 00:15:25,081 Gotta be happy with that, Sal. 285 00:15:25,165 --> 00:15:28,206 - Top spinner. Just how I drew it up, boys. - Mmm-hmm. 286 00:15:28,290 --> 00:15:29,998 Check this out. 287 00:15:31,623 --> 00:15:34,373 Xanax arms, head still. 288 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,415 Oh! 289 00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:41,248 - What the hell? - Holy shit. 290 00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,831 Boom! Explosion! 291 00:15:43,915 --> 00:15:45,706 That's my dog! 292 00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:48,248 Mmm-hmm! Took a lesson at Golf Hut. 293 00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:50,456 - It shows, Stein-man. - Uh-huh. 294 00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:00,790 Man, I wish I was included in that. 295 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,956 - Boy. - He doing the Happy Gilmore swing? 296 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,165 My stupid uncle always tries that bullshit. 297 00:16:06,248 --> 00:16:09,081 Swings and misses every time. Pain in my ass. 298 00:16:27,248 --> 00:16:30,790 God. He rolled further than the ball. 299 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,248 Gonna be a long-ass day, my dudes. 300 00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:46,373 Hell yeah! 301 00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,665 Oh, eat a bag of— 302 00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:57,373 Did you find your ball yet? 303 00:16:57,456 --> 00:16:58,956 Yeah, I found it. 304 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:03,581 I'm just roaming around in here because I like poison ivy, you piece of— 305 00:17:05,706 --> 00:17:06,956 Grandma! 306 00:17:09,331 --> 00:17:14,206 Oh, choke on my dangling, wrinkly— 307 00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:30,373 I don't know why, I get so intimidated in the sand. 308 00:17:30,456 --> 00:17:33,206 The dude from Golf Hut said just flip it like a pancake. 309 00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:35,540 - Flip that pancake, Sally. - Mmm-hmm. 310 00:17:37,581 --> 00:17:39,248 Nice! 311 00:17:39,331 --> 00:17:41,665 To the window, to the walls 312 00:17:41,748 --> 00:17:42,748 To the walls 313 00:17:42,831 --> 00:17:45,415 'Til sweat drop down my balls 314 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,540 'Til all these bitches crawl 315 00:17:47,623 --> 00:17:49,540 'Til all skeet-skeet, motherfucker 316 00:17:49,623 --> 00:17:51,706 'Til all skeet-skeet, goddamn 317 00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:52,748 A-goddamn 318 00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:02,915 Nice putt, dude. We'll put you down for a 12. 319 00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:05,165 Yeah. 320 00:18:13,623 --> 00:18:15,373 I think he thinks the tee-marker's the ball. 321 00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:21,873 Told you. 322 00:18:29,206 --> 00:18:32,248 Hey, DJ Khaled, maybe give the Happy Gilmore swing a rest? 323 00:18:32,331 --> 00:18:33,665 Because it ain't working. 324 00:18:38,915 --> 00:18:41,581 Yo, that is Happy Gilmore. 325 00:18:41,665 --> 00:18:43,540 Happy Gilmore sucks? 326 00:18:47,498 --> 00:18:49,540 Hey, can you call fore next time? 327 00:18:52,748 --> 00:18:55,165 Fore! 328 00:19:00,498 --> 00:19:02,998 Whoa. 329 00:19:03,748 --> 00:19:05,665 Hey, man, at least it went in. 330 00:19:05,748 --> 00:19:06,748 It did? 331 00:19:06,831 --> 00:19:09,081 No! 332 00:19:09,165 --> 00:19:12,665 Man, Happy Gilmore is such a joke. It's sad. 333 00:19:12,748 --> 00:19:15,248 Still got to ask for his autograph, though. 334 00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:17,748 My auntie used to cream her jeans for that fool. 335 00:19:17,831 --> 00:19:19,498 Whoa! 336 00:19:19,581 --> 00:19:23,665 Tell your aunt I'll sign her jeans for $300,000. 337 00:19:24,415 --> 00:19:26,998 I guess I'm a little rusty, gang. 338 00:19:27,748 --> 00:19:31,748 The Stein-man recently had a lesson at the Golf Hut. 339 00:19:31,831 --> 00:19:32,873 Yes. 340 00:19:32,956 --> 00:19:38,123 But I just, I haven't swung a club in ten years, so, sorry. 341 00:19:41,998 --> 00:19:43,415 How about you, Chubbs? 342 00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:46,540 You got any tips for me? 343 00:19:47,415 --> 00:19:49,498 Relax, do what we talked about. 344 00:19:49,581 --> 00:19:53,706 It's all in the hips, yeah, it's all in the hips! 345 00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:54,831 It's all… 346 00:19:54,915 --> 00:19:59,081 Oh, yeah. Ease the tension. 347 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,165 Oh. I miss you, baby. 348 00:20:02,248 --> 00:20:04,831 My man having a wet dream we don't know about? 349 00:20:21,581 --> 00:20:24,456 - Oh, my God! - Now that is some Happy Gilmore shit! 350 00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:27,915 - Yes. Yeah. - Unbelievable! 351 00:20:27,998 --> 00:20:32,331 I mean, I've hit some big ones, but that was a freakin' rocket! 352 00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:35,581 It was, like, effortless, but still ferocious. 353 00:20:35,665 --> 00:20:37,956 You got to teach me how to do that, dude. 354 00:20:38,706 --> 00:20:42,623 Dude! Dude! 355 00:20:42,706 --> 00:20:43,665 - Dude! - Dude! 356 00:20:45,373 --> 00:20:49,581 Remember Happy Gilmore? He's making news on the golf course again. 357 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:50,831 And not the good kind. 358 00:20:50,915 --> 00:20:54,540 He was apparently driving a golf cart while intoxicated last week 359 00:20:54,623 --> 00:20:55,956 and struck another cart. 360 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,248 Stein-man! 361 00:20:57,331 --> 00:21:01,290 Gilmore was arrested and charged with vandalism and driving under the influence. 362 00:21:01,373 --> 00:21:04,748 Prosecutors agreed to suspend the golf-cart-related charges 363 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:08,498 on the condition that Gilmore refrain from any physical violence 364 00:21:08,581 --> 00:21:11,248 and attend a radical alcohol treatment program. 365 00:21:11,331 --> 00:21:12,706 Go Bruins! 366 00:21:12,790 --> 00:21:15,498 He was also fired from his job at Stop & Shop. 367 00:21:16,415 --> 00:21:19,456 Truly, a sad end for a sports legend. 368 00:21:21,831 --> 00:21:23,706 Thanks for being with us today. 369 00:21:24,915 --> 00:21:29,998 In 1996, you were arrested for inciting injury to persons or property, 370 00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:33,040 conspiracy to commit vehicular manslaughter, 371 00:21:33,123 --> 00:21:36,956 criminal menacing, and stealing a jacket. 372 00:21:39,373 --> 00:21:42,248 At trial, you were found not guilty by reason of insanity 373 00:21:42,331 --> 00:21:43,831 and remanded to this facility. 374 00:21:43,915 --> 00:21:46,081 That was 29 years ago. 375 00:21:47,081 --> 00:21:49,748 It feels like yesterday. 376 00:21:49,831 --> 00:21:51,665 Twenty-nine years is a long time, 377 00:21:51,748 --> 00:21:54,498 and so this board is inclined to grant you your release. 378 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,915 If we were to do so, what then? 379 00:21:57,998 --> 00:22:00,290 Well, I'd want to give back to the community. 380 00:22:00,915 --> 00:22:04,540 Especially the children who are, of course, our future. 381 00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:07,873 And animals, also, who need to be snuggled, 382 00:22:07,956 --> 00:22:10,456 and neutered with their permission, of course. 383 00:22:11,456 --> 00:22:13,165 What about Happy Gilmore? 384 00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:15,540 Oh, I would stay far, far away. 385 00:22:15,623 --> 00:22:17,915 Far, far away from Gilmore. 386 00:22:17,998 --> 00:22:22,665 What if you ran into him, say, on a golf course? 387 00:22:22,748 --> 00:22:26,790 I'd wave or I could nod. That's also good. 388 00:22:27,498 --> 00:22:30,498 And if he was wearing a gold jacket? 389 00:22:32,706 --> 00:22:33,998 Incredible! 390 00:22:34,081 --> 00:22:36,956 - Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket! - No! 391 00:22:39,248 --> 00:22:45,081 I would fill a pillowcase with golf balls and beat the piss out of him! 392 00:22:45,165 --> 00:22:47,540 - I would tear the jacket off his back… - Guards. 393 00:22:47,623 --> 00:22:49,498 …and shove it down his throat! 394 00:22:49,581 --> 00:22:51,331 Bring this animal back to his cell! 395 00:22:51,415 --> 00:22:53,873 That is my jacket! My jacket! 396 00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:57,165 Shooter's gold! All mine! It's my gold… 397 00:23:00,373 --> 00:23:01,790 Lunch? Benihana? 398 00:23:01,873 --> 00:23:02,998 - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. 399 00:23:11,581 --> 00:23:15,623 Excuse me. Is this where the alcohol meetings are? 400 00:23:15,706 --> 00:23:18,665 You're in the right place. How are you feeling? 401 00:23:18,748 --> 00:23:19,873 Mmm, a little shaky. 402 00:23:19,956 --> 00:23:21,665 First five days are rough. 403 00:23:21,748 --> 00:23:24,706 Just get through today and your body will start turning the corner. 404 00:23:24,790 --> 00:23:27,873 Thank you. And this is all on the down low, right? 405 00:23:27,956 --> 00:23:30,206 Happy freakin' Gilmore! 406 00:23:30,290 --> 00:23:34,373 I can't believe you be hitting the bottle too! 407 00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:36,748 I guess Bessie didn't get the down low memo. 408 00:23:36,831 --> 00:23:39,415 Yeah, that's all right. Where's the therapist? 409 00:23:39,498 --> 00:23:41,748 He'll be here. He likes to make an entrance. 410 00:23:41,831 --> 00:23:44,165 Mr. Gilmore? 411 00:23:45,831 --> 00:23:47,540 Holy shit. 412 00:23:48,331 --> 00:23:52,831 As I live and breathe. It is wonderful to see you. 413 00:23:52,915 --> 00:23:55,081 How's Grandma? 414 00:23:55,165 --> 00:23:58,998 Grandma? Passed away maybe 15 years ago. 415 00:23:59,081 --> 00:24:02,998 Mmm. That's a shame. I know you loved on her so much. 416 00:24:03,081 --> 00:24:04,373 Yeah. 417 00:24:05,165 --> 00:24:07,373 Is that when you began abusing alcohol? 418 00:24:07,456 --> 00:24:11,373 No, no. That actually started up after my wife got killed. 419 00:24:11,456 --> 00:24:14,998 - Mm. It's always something, isn't it? - Mmm-hmm. 420 00:24:15,998 --> 00:24:17,206 Okay. 421 00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:19,206 Happy, why don't you come on up front? 422 00:24:20,456 --> 00:24:22,165 We have a new member here. 423 00:24:23,623 --> 00:24:27,206 Hi. I'm Happy and I'm an alcoholic. 424 00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:29,248 Oh, we don't say alcoholic. 425 00:24:29,331 --> 00:24:30,915 We're not scientists. 426 00:24:30,998 --> 00:24:35,581 We're just people trying to get by. We say "alkie". Keeps it light. 427 00:24:36,415 --> 00:24:38,831 Uh… I'm Happy and I'm an alkie? 428 00:24:38,915 --> 00:24:40,498 Say it loud and proud! 429 00:24:40,581 --> 00:24:44,081 - Hi, I'm Happy and I'm an alkie! - Ha-ha! 430 00:24:44,165 --> 00:24:46,165 Celebrities. They just like us. 431 00:24:46,248 --> 00:24:48,581 Except they got a lot more cash. 432 00:24:48,665 --> 00:24:51,456 Now, Charlotte, last week you were concerned 433 00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:54,040 about a musical festival you were to attend. 434 00:24:54,123 --> 00:24:55,123 How'd that work out? 435 00:24:55,706 --> 00:24:58,456 - Fine. It was a concert. - Mmm-hmm. 436 00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,915 My friends were drinking and offering me drinks, 437 00:25:00,998 --> 00:25:02,123 but I didn't have any. 438 00:25:02,206 --> 00:25:04,998 But I bet you wanted that liquor something fierce, huh? 439 00:25:05,081 --> 00:25:06,915 I mean, I was tempted, but… 440 00:25:06,998 --> 00:25:09,706 I bet you would have kicked your own mother in the face 441 00:25:09,790 --> 00:25:12,040 just to get a sniff of that liquor, wouldn't you? 442 00:25:12,123 --> 00:25:13,331 Not really. 443 00:25:13,415 --> 00:25:17,873 Charlotte, if we don't stop lying, we don't stop drinking. 444 00:25:17,956 --> 00:25:19,665 Why won't you stop lying? 445 00:25:20,373 --> 00:25:21,956 Because I'm an alkie? 446 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:28,248 And how does a degenerate, low-life alkie take the first step to recovery? 447 00:25:28,331 --> 00:25:29,790 By washing your car? 448 00:25:29,873 --> 00:25:32,123 Bingo! Three o'clock, Thursday? 449 00:25:32,206 --> 00:25:35,498 I got the soap, you bring the rags and bucket, we make it a party? 450 00:25:35,581 --> 00:25:38,206 - I'm sorry, I have a question. - Yeah? 451 00:25:38,290 --> 00:25:42,206 What does the car-washing have to do with the no-drinking? 452 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:44,081 You're thinking. You're thinking. 453 00:25:44,165 --> 00:25:46,831 Mr. Gilmore's up in his head when really he should be 454 00:25:46,915 --> 00:25:49,331 listening to me and keeping his mouth shut. 455 00:25:49,415 --> 00:25:52,248 This is a radical alcohol treatment program. 456 00:25:52,331 --> 00:25:55,331 And the chief judge, my Uncle Dave, 457 00:25:55,415 --> 00:25:59,706 he told me that I can do whatever I want with everyone in this room. 458 00:26:01,165 --> 00:26:02,498 Check out the name tag. 459 00:26:02,581 --> 00:26:04,623 You're in my world now, Grandma. 460 00:26:04,706 --> 00:26:06,290 You're in my world now. 461 00:26:07,915 --> 00:26:09,498 Oh, my gosh. 462 00:26:10,373 --> 00:26:14,540 Welcome to the future of golf. 463 00:26:14,623 --> 00:26:18,790 The greatest game just got a triple shot of adrenaline. 464 00:26:18,873 --> 00:26:23,206 Experience the revolution of Maxi. 465 00:26:24,206 --> 00:26:26,706 - Game over, regular golf. - Wow. 466 00:26:26,790 --> 00:26:27,998 - Pretty great. - So good. 467 00:26:28,081 --> 00:26:30,248 Yeah, it's something for sure. What is it? 468 00:26:30,331 --> 00:26:32,373 - I mean, what are we seeing? - What is it? 469 00:26:32,456 --> 00:26:35,623 So, basically, Maxi is a reimagining of golf. 470 00:26:35,706 --> 00:26:37,290 It's golf for today. 471 00:26:37,373 --> 00:26:38,998 Why is golf so boring and dumb? 472 00:26:39,081 --> 00:26:41,873 Golf was invented 800 years ago, something like that. 473 00:26:41,956 --> 00:26:43,331 I thought about it and I was like, 474 00:26:43,415 --> 00:26:44,665 "If society could change, 475 00:26:44,748 --> 00:26:47,581 how come the rules of golf have stayed the same?" 476 00:26:47,665 --> 00:26:49,331 And that's why I created Maxi. 477 00:26:50,081 --> 00:26:51,081 - That's deep. - Yeah. 478 00:26:51,165 --> 00:26:55,623 The NBA, the NFL, the NHL, they offer the highest quality product. 479 00:26:55,706 --> 00:26:57,331 - Wow. - And so does Maxi. 480 00:26:57,415 --> 00:26:59,748 You're saying Maxi has the best golfers in the world? 481 00:26:59,831 --> 00:27:00,831 Oh, my God. 482 00:27:00,915 --> 00:27:03,540 - You doing okay, Frank? - I think I'm going to die. 483 00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:05,415 That's what's up, but listen, gang, 484 00:27:05,498 --> 00:27:07,998 how are you going to get these professional golfers 485 00:27:08,081 --> 00:27:09,456 to play in this new league? 486 00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:12,206 I've already got my golfers and they're the best. 487 00:27:12,290 --> 00:27:13,956 You think they're better than the pros? 488 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,206 I don't think, Stat. I know. 489 00:27:16,290 --> 00:27:18,248 You should think about talking to Happy Gilmore. 490 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,456 I don't know who that is. 491 00:27:21,123 --> 00:27:24,248 - Yeah, tell that to the lobsters. - Mmm. 492 00:27:24,331 --> 00:27:26,540 Johnny, what are you doing with those chicken wings? 493 00:27:26,623 --> 00:27:29,331 They've been in the fridge for three weeks now, bro. 494 00:27:29,415 --> 00:27:32,581 I just put this sauce on them. It gets rid of all the bacteria. 495 00:27:32,665 --> 00:27:35,081 Hmm. I don't know about that, but good luck. 496 00:27:36,331 --> 00:27:38,498 When you've done that, the TV remote. 497 00:27:38,581 --> 00:27:40,873 Always wondered why that didn't work. 498 00:27:40,956 --> 00:27:42,540 What are you doing on that contuder? 499 00:27:42,623 --> 00:27:43,831 I'm looking for a job. 500 00:27:43,915 --> 00:27:47,206 There's a new Dairy Queen around here. I think they're hiring. 501 00:27:47,290 --> 00:27:49,873 You're not going to make $330,000 at no Dairy Queen. 502 00:27:49,956 --> 00:27:51,373 You know what you got to do. 503 00:27:51,456 --> 00:27:55,456 I tried the golf. The golf didn't work out. Cuckoo clock. 504 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:58,456 Grandma's cuckoo clock? That's sacrilegious, Daddy. 505 00:27:58,540 --> 00:28:01,665 Yeah, I know. 506 00:28:01,748 --> 00:28:04,040 You can't give up because of one bad round. 507 00:28:04,123 --> 00:28:06,165 You had to at least hit a couple decent shots. 508 00:28:06,248 --> 00:28:09,206 I think I hit one out of 117. 509 00:28:09,290 --> 00:28:10,540 Yeah, next time you'll hit two 510 00:28:10,623 --> 00:28:13,123 and then three, and before you know it, you're the best again. 511 00:28:13,206 --> 00:28:14,915 I'm 58 years old, V. 512 00:28:14,998 --> 00:28:16,415 Forget about being the best. 513 00:28:16,498 --> 00:28:19,165 If you finish 30th in the Tour Championship, 514 00:28:19,248 --> 00:28:22,040 - you make 100 grand, brother. - How am I going to finish 30th? 515 00:28:22,123 --> 00:28:24,873 I lost to three idiots on a municipal course. 516 00:28:24,956 --> 00:28:26,206 You were hammered. 517 00:28:26,290 --> 00:28:29,123 Maybe you need to practice, Dad, like I do with dancing. 518 00:28:29,206 --> 00:28:31,665 What else are you going to do, sober boy? You can't drink. 519 00:28:32,498 --> 00:28:33,873 Hand sanitizer. 520 00:28:35,540 --> 00:28:36,998 Let Uncle John take care of that. 521 00:28:39,248 --> 00:28:42,581 This is hand sanitizer. 522 00:28:42,665 --> 00:28:44,040 Gotcha. 523 00:28:46,706 --> 00:28:49,498 - Were you Happy Gilmore? - Shh. 524 00:28:50,831 --> 00:28:53,165 Um, do you want to try some clubs? 525 00:28:53,873 --> 00:28:55,206 I do, yes. 526 00:28:56,290 --> 00:28:58,831 Here, try the six iron. A lot of pros like it. 527 00:29:02,998 --> 00:29:04,956 Yep, uh, that'll do. 528 00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:10,123 He could picture the scene 529 00:29:10,998 --> 00:29:12,790 Put his ear to the wall 530 00:29:13,498 --> 00:29:15,081 No. 531 00:29:15,998 --> 00:29:17,956 He heard one guitar… 532 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,540 To the right… Ooh! 533 00:29:20,456 --> 00:29:21,456 Goddamn. 534 00:29:21,540 --> 00:29:22,790 Hold my blanket. 535 00:29:22,873 --> 00:29:24,331 Hold your blanket, all right. 536 00:29:25,331 --> 00:29:29,623 All right, you want to load on the back leg… 537 00:29:29,706 --> 00:29:30,581 Uh-huh. 538 00:29:30,665 --> 00:29:32,373 - And then… - Yeah. 539 00:29:33,456 --> 00:29:36,581 Okay, I'll… I'll handle it. Thank you. I appreciate it. 540 00:29:36,665 --> 00:29:39,165 - I don't know what happened. - Just do your thing. 541 00:29:39,248 --> 00:29:41,665 Go! 542 00:29:43,165 --> 00:29:44,540 You got to be quicker. 543 00:29:47,665 --> 00:29:49,206 What are you doing, Dad? Hey. 544 00:29:49,290 --> 00:29:53,581 Sobriety is a journey, not a destination. 545 00:29:54,165 --> 00:29:56,498 I believe in you, Happy! 546 00:29:56,581 --> 00:29:59,415 Someday he's going to make it To the top 547 00:29:59,498 --> 00:30:02,873 And be a juke box hero 548 00:30:02,956 --> 00:30:05,498 Got stars in his eyes 549 00:30:05,581 --> 00:30:07,956 He's a juke box hero… 550 00:30:08,956 --> 00:30:12,748 "What my teacher didn't understand, what she couldn't understand, 551 00:30:12,831 --> 00:30:14,956 "is that I only cheated on the test 552 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,540 because my mother had yelled at me about the oatmeal cookies. Yet again…" 553 00:30:25,665 --> 00:30:28,248 Oh, there he goes. 554 00:30:29,123 --> 00:30:32,081 Nice even strokes. Thank you, Charlotte. 555 00:30:33,373 --> 00:30:36,123 Good. Finish the louvers, then do the borders. 556 00:30:36,206 --> 00:30:37,040 Yes, sir. 557 00:30:37,123 --> 00:30:39,998 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Vienna Gilmore. 558 00:30:40,081 --> 00:30:43,456 Everyone else sucks and you know it! Let's go, V! 559 00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:47,498 Like a trip through the past To that day in the rain 560 00:30:47,581 --> 00:30:48,623 Come on, Happy! 561 00:30:48,706 --> 00:30:53,623 And that one guitar Made his whole life change 562 00:30:54,331 --> 00:30:55,748 Now he needs to keep on rocking 563 00:30:57,456 --> 00:30:58,665 He just can't stop 564 00:30:59,831 --> 00:31:01,665 Happy! Happy! 565 00:31:01,748 --> 00:31:05,123 That boy has got to stay on top 566 00:31:08,581 --> 00:31:13,331 Happy! Happy! Happy! 567 00:31:13,415 --> 00:31:16,998 He's got stars in his eyes 568 00:31:17,081 --> 00:31:20,456 - Juke box hero - Got stars in his eyes 569 00:31:20,540 --> 00:31:22,665 Boot! 570 00:31:22,748 --> 00:31:25,290 Come on, baby! You're back! Let's go. 571 00:31:39,665 --> 00:31:41,956 Do you mind? 572 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:42,873 I'm sorry. 573 00:31:42,956 --> 00:31:44,498 What the hell are you doing? 574 00:31:44,581 --> 00:31:46,415 I'll take off. Have a good day. 575 00:31:46,498 --> 00:31:49,415 Go back to your mobile home. 576 00:31:49,498 --> 00:31:51,290 Got you a little something, Pop. 577 00:31:51,373 --> 00:31:54,040 What? What is it? 578 00:31:54,123 --> 00:31:56,206 "Thirty days sober! Congrats, Daddy!" 579 00:31:59,206 --> 00:32:02,290 You paint my house, brother. 580 00:32:06,998 --> 00:32:09,331 Get him on the ground! 581 00:32:17,873 --> 00:32:19,623 We'll put a little extra into this one. 582 00:32:19,706 --> 00:32:22,165 Happy! Happy! Happy! 583 00:32:24,706 --> 00:32:27,665 I am so sorry. I did not mean to do that. 584 00:32:29,123 --> 00:32:31,956 Juke box hero 585 00:32:33,373 --> 00:32:35,706 Juke box hero 586 00:32:39,456 --> 00:32:42,915 Damn you, Happy Gilmore! 587 00:32:45,706 --> 00:32:48,790 I put a thermos of coffee in your passenger seat, Dad, and a protein bar. 588 00:32:48,873 --> 00:32:50,331 I love that. Thank you, Vivi. 589 00:32:50,415 --> 00:32:52,165 You gonna bring back another gold jacket? 590 00:32:52,248 --> 00:32:54,081 Don't be disappointed if that doesn't happen. 591 00:32:54,165 --> 00:32:55,748 Just looking to get in the top 30. 592 00:32:55,831 --> 00:32:58,290 But that gets you enough money to send Vienna to dance school. 593 00:32:58,373 --> 00:33:00,915 You gotta do it. One of us kids has to amount to something. 594 00:33:00,998 --> 00:33:03,665 What are you talking about? You're all something. 595 00:33:03,748 --> 00:33:07,290 Something to me. Get in here. Love you guys. 596 00:33:07,373 --> 00:33:10,873 This is the first time you're gonna be far away from us since Mom left. 597 00:33:10,956 --> 00:33:13,373 We can FaceTime Dad every day. It'll be okay. 598 00:33:13,456 --> 00:33:15,665 - Yeah, day or night. You hear me? - Yeah. 599 00:33:15,748 --> 00:33:18,873 And I'll be back Sunday to see you goons. I promise you. 600 00:33:18,956 --> 00:33:20,873 Hopefully with one of them big checks. 601 00:33:20,956 --> 00:33:23,206 Hell yeah, Dad. Let's go. 602 00:33:23,290 --> 00:33:25,040 Make sure John Daly doesn't sleep in my bed. 603 00:33:25,123 --> 00:33:26,498 If he does, no M&M's. Okay? 604 00:33:26,581 --> 00:33:27,498 - Got it. - Got it. 605 00:33:31,956 --> 00:33:33,331 Arnold. 606 00:33:34,248 --> 00:33:35,498 Jack-o. 607 00:33:36,831 --> 00:33:37,873 Tiger. 608 00:33:39,456 --> 00:33:40,456 SpongeBob? 609 00:33:41,331 --> 00:33:42,623 What is that? 610 00:33:42,706 --> 00:33:44,831 What's with the beaver teeth? 611 00:33:44,915 --> 00:33:46,581 The truth can hurt sometimes. 612 00:33:46,665 --> 00:33:50,081 - Oh, my goodness. Dougie boy! - Happy! 613 00:33:50,165 --> 00:33:53,831 I missed you, bro. How's everything been going? 614 00:33:53,915 --> 00:33:56,165 Oh, it gets harder every year, Happy. 615 00:33:56,248 --> 00:33:58,415 How's it getting harder? I'm not around. 616 00:33:58,498 --> 00:34:00,790 Yeah, honestly, the Maxi Golf League. 617 00:34:00,873 --> 00:34:03,790 The Maxi… I saw a commercial for that. It looked stupid. 618 00:34:03,873 --> 00:34:07,248 - Well, supposedly, it is faster-paced… - Yeah, yeah. 619 00:34:07,331 --> 00:34:10,540 …and our biggest sponsors are suddenly slow to call me back. 620 00:34:10,623 --> 00:34:12,540 I got a bad feeling about this. 621 00:34:12,623 --> 00:34:16,540 We got the greatest golfers in the world. That's what people want to see, the best. 622 00:34:16,623 --> 00:34:18,581 Manatee says his guys are better. 623 00:34:18,665 --> 00:34:20,373 There's only one way to find out. 624 00:34:20,456 --> 00:34:22,581 Challenge him. People would love to watch that. 625 00:34:22,665 --> 00:34:26,081 Wow! Virginia really rubbed off on you. 626 00:34:26,165 --> 00:34:27,498 We had five kids together. 627 00:34:27,581 --> 00:34:29,040 She rubbed off on me all the time, 628 00:34:29,123 --> 00:34:31,373 and I just laid there like a sack of potatoes. 629 00:34:31,456 --> 00:34:34,748 As charming as ever. Hey, just get inside. 630 00:34:34,831 --> 00:34:36,456 The guys are excited to see you. 631 00:34:36,540 --> 00:34:40,623 Would you at least get Invisalign for that thing? Thank you. 632 00:34:41,540 --> 00:34:44,623 Hey, Happy, you gonna finish off that blueberry jubilee? 633 00:34:44,706 --> 00:34:48,498 Oh, God. Freddy's still snaking everybody's dessert? Okay, you got it. 634 00:34:48,581 --> 00:34:49,998 Thank you. Cheers. 635 00:34:50,081 --> 00:34:52,790 I'm so happy to be with you. Look forward to getting out there. 636 00:34:52,873 --> 00:34:54,540 You gonna play tomorrow? 637 00:34:54,623 --> 00:34:56,081 Why, you guys aren't playing? 638 00:34:56,165 --> 00:34:58,331 Happy, these kids are 20, 30 years old. 639 00:34:58,415 --> 00:34:59,540 We're old and stiff. 640 00:34:59,623 --> 00:35:01,373 We're old, but we're still cool. 641 00:35:01,456 --> 00:35:04,123 You guys taking aspirin before you get out there? 642 00:35:04,206 --> 00:35:05,831 I'm popping them like Tic Tacs. 643 00:35:05,915 --> 00:35:08,123 I grind them in my applesauce. 644 00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:10,623 I used to be able to play 72 holes without breaking a sweat. 645 00:35:10,706 --> 00:35:12,873 Now it takes me ten minutes to get out of this chair. 646 00:35:12,956 --> 00:35:14,873 Yes? 647 00:35:14,956 --> 00:35:17,498 Do you mind grabbing me a half iced tea and half lemonade? 648 00:35:17,581 --> 00:35:18,873 Arnold Palmer. 649 00:35:18,956 --> 00:35:21,831 No, Jack Nicklaus, but I do get that a lot. 650 00:35:22,540 --> 00:35:24,123 Fantastic. Be back in a jiff. 651 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:28,123 Happy, what gives with the comeback attempt after all these years? 652 00:35:28,206 --> 00:35:29,498 Well, I'm out of cash. 653 00:35:29,581 --> 00:35:34,456 My daughter has an opportunity to go to this ballet school in Paris, so… 654 00:35:34,540 --> 00:35:36,831 Happy, I've known you for 30 years. 655 00:35:36,915 --> 00:35:39,040 You're like a son to me. How much you need? 656 00:35:39,123 --> 00:35:40,290 300 grand. 657 00:35:40,373 --> 00:35:42,498 Good luck tomorrow. Hit 'em straight. 658 00:35:43,206 --> 00:35:44,748 - Excuse me, pal? - Yes, sir? 659 00:35:44,831 --> 00:35:48,290 I asked for a Tanqueray and tonic, but they gave me Bombay instead. 660 00:35:48,373 --> 00:35:52,081 I'm the busboy, sir. Sorry. I will get you a server right now. 661 00:35:52,165 --> 00:35:54,498 Uh, do you want some bread? 662 00:35:54,581 --> 00:35:56,540 No, just the right booze, thanks. 663 00:35:56,623 --> 00:35:57,915 Okay. 664 00:35:57,998 --> 00:35:59,248 I think I rattled him. 665 00:35:59,331 --> 00:36:03,081 Hey, Happy, whatever happened to that guy, uh, Shooter McGavin? 666 00:36:03,165 --> 00:36:05,498 I believe he's still in an institution, Jack. 667 00:36:05,581 --> 00:36:06,748 Wasn't he friends with O.J.? 668 00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:09,915 Well, they used to vacation together. I don't know if they were friends, but… 669 00:36:16,956 --> 00:36:18,831 This guy's losing it. 670 00:36:25,831 --> 00:36:28,415 What are you doing here? It's quiet time. 671 00:36:28,498 --> 00:36:31,123 You suddenly got some very powerful friends, McGavin. 672 00:36:31,748 --> 00:36:35,081 This is a court order for your immediate release. 673 00:36:35,790 --> 00:36:39,206 Excuse me? Gentleman would like new gin and tonic. 674 00:36:39,290 --> 00:36:42,498 He said Bombay, no Tanqueray. 675 00:36:42,581 --> 00:36:44,665 You told Spiethy that was on me, man? 676 00:36:44,748 --> 00:36:45,873 No, no. 677 00:36:45,956 --> 00:36:48,665 You threw me under the bus. So you could be the hero? 678 00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:49,665 No. I… No. 679 00:36:49,748 --> 00:36:52,540 You stabbed me in my back. That's what time it is? 680 00:36:52,623 --> 00:36:53,748 He just, he just said… 681 00:36:53,831 --> 00:36:57,206 I can't work like this, man. Watching my six all day, every day. 682 00:36:57,290 --> 00:36:59,331 I just wanted to help. I offered bread. 683 00:36:59,415 --> 00:37:00,915 You mess around, you find out. 684 00:37:01,873 --> 00:37:02,831 You're fired. 685 00:37:02,915 --> 00:37:03,873 Fired? 686 00:37:08,081 --> 00:37:11,040 Hey, pal. Yo. You think you were a little harsh on the dude? 687 00:37:11,123 --> 00:37:13,123 Sorry you had to hear that, Mr. Gilmore. 688 00:37:14,081 --> 00:37:17,665 You don't know the backstory. Mr. Couples? More blueberry jubilee? 689 00:37:17,748 --> 00:37:20,331 Nah, I'm okay. Maybe one more. 690 00:37:20,415 --> 00:37:22,373 Yeah. Back in two. 691 00:37:25,706 --> 00:37:27,831 Yackety-yack, don't come back. 692 00:37:29,706 --> 00:37:30,706 Whoo! 693 00:37:31,956 --> 00:37:33,290 Ah! 694 00:37:39,831 --> 00:37:44,831 Shooter McGavin. I'm such a massive fan. 695 00:37:45,956 --> 00:37:50,540 Gentlemen, thank you for being here at the Tour Champions Dinner. 696 00:37:51,498 --> 00:37:52,623 That's what she said. 697 00:37:55,790 --> 00:37:57,081 I'm not sure that made sense, X. 698 00:37:57,165 --> 00:38:01,790 Every time our sport has overcome a challenge, we have come out stronger. 699 00:38:01,873 --> 00:38:04,873 Today's challenge is the Maxi Golf League, 700 00:38:04,956 --> 00:38:08,498 who allege that they are going to make golf more watchable. 701 00:38:08,581 --> 00:38:09,831 That's what she said. 702 00:38:12,498 --> 00:38:14,665 - Great joke, Mr. Schauffele. - Thanks, buddy. 703 00:38:14,748 --> 00:38:16,873 I just got off the phone with the president 704 00:38:16,956 --> 00:38:19,456 of this new league, Frank Manatee, 705 00:38:19,540 --> 00:38:22,040 and I challenged him to a competition. 706 00:38:22,123 --> 00:38:26,581 Frank accepted that challenge and then farted into the phone. 707 00:38:27,331 --> 00:38:28,165 He did what? 708 00:38:29,123 --> 00:38:30,456 What's the competition? 709 00:38:30,540 --> 00:38:33,456 Our five best players versus his five best. 710 00:38:33,540 --> 00:38:37,206 Make it our five worst. It doesn't matter. We're gonna smoke them anyway! 711 00:38:39,706 --> 00:38:41,873 - Whoo! - Yeah! 712 00:38:41,956 --> 00:38:46,123 Now, I know that you all want the honor of kicking their ass. 713 00:38:46,206 --> 00:38:47,831 - Yeah! - So how about this? 714 00:38:47,915 --> 00:38:51,831 Top five finishers this weekend represent us in the challenge. 715 00:38:51,915 --> 00:38:53,623 All right. Let's go. 716 00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:56,415 That's what she said. 717 00:38:57,165 --> 00:39:00,165 Gentlemen, by showing the world our dominance, 718 00:39:00,248 --> 00:39:04,623 we will eliminate this league before it even officially launches. 719 00:39:04,706 --> 00:39:06,790 Let's go! 720 00:39:09,706 --> 00:39:12,331 And now you've got something else to play for, Happy. 721 00:39:14,248 --> 00:39:17,706 Yeah! Yeah! 722 00:39:19,498 --> 00:39:23,498 Gosh. I think there's a fork in my ass. 723 00:39:23,581 --> 00:39:25,123 Now that's what she said. 724 00:39:26,456 --> 00:39:28,748 Yeah! 725 00:39:36,123 --> 00:39:38,665 The sun is shining. The greens are shimmering. 726 00:39:38,748 --> 00:39:40,623 What a day to play some golf. 727 00:39:40,706 --> 00:39:44,956 Welcome to the big one, the U.S. Bank Tour Championship. 728 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:48,665 I'm Verne Lundquist. Here, as always, with Jack Beard. 729 00:39:48,748 --> 00:39:52,456 And the golfer everyone is talking about, Happy Gilmore. 730 00:39:52,540 --> 00:39:53,665 - Looks handsome. - Yeah. 731 00:39:53,748 --> 00:39:57,290 Gilmore returns after a ten-year absence. 732 00:39:57,373 --> 00:39:59,123 Some of the guys set your locker up. 733 00:40:01,331 --> 00:40:05,373 Bengay, Tums. Preparation H, yeah. 734 00:40:05,456 --> 00:40:06,873 MiraLAX, always good. 735 00:40:06,956 --> 00:40:10,790 And, uh, diapers. Now that's pushing it. 736 00:40:16,498 --> 00:40:18,331 I know you never made it to the Bruins, Happy, 737 00:40:18,415 --> 00:40:20,415 but maybe you'll make this five-man wrecking crew. 738 00:40:20,498 --> 00:40:25,248 Oh, I doubt that, Tony. I'm actually just worried about making the cut. 739 00:40:25,331 --> 00:40:26,831 Mr. Gilmore, Sergio told me 740 00:40:26,915 --> 00:40:30,456 you forgot to bring a caddie to your first tournament. Is that true? 741 00:40:30,540 --> 00:40:32,456 He said that? No. 742 00:40:32,540 --> 00:40:35,748 Well, yeah, but still, I didn't know the rules back then. 743 00:40:35,831 --> 00:40:37,206 That's insane. 744 00:40:37,290 --> 00:40:40,665 Yeah, that was silly. Can't believe I would do that. 745 00:40:48,290 --> 00:40:52,456 Hey, brother. Good to see you, man. So here's what happened. 746 00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:56,290 My regular caddie moved to Switzerland for tax purposes, 747 00:40:56,373 --> 00:40:58,623 so I'm kind of like, I got nowhere to go. 748 00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:01,540 What do you say, you and me for old times' sake? 749 00:41:01,623 --> 00:41:03,290 That's nice, Mr. Gilmore, 750 00:41:03,373 --> 00:41:06,540 but I, unfortunately, I can't caddie for you today. 751 00:41:06,623 --> 00:41:10,081 You're not still mad about the whole choking you thing, are you? 752 00:41:10,165 --> 00:41:11,665 No, it's not that. 753 00:41:11,748 --> 00:41:14,081 It's actually, I don't caddie anymore. 754 00:41:14,165 --> 00:41:17,331 I, uh… I play now. We're actually playing together today. 755 00:41:17,415 --> 00:41:20,873 I didn't know that, Blondie. All right, well, I'll see you out there. 756 00:41:20,956 --> 00:41:21,790 I'll see ya. 757 00:41:23,331 --> 00:41:24,831 Blondie. 758 00:41:25,456 --> 00:41:30,040 My name's Will, and I'm still mad at you for choking me out, you son of a bitch. 759 00:41:30,123 --> 00:41:32,748 We're minutes away from the start, 760 00:41:32,831 --> 00:41:37,415 and Happy Gilmore is apparently breaking in yet another new caddie. 761 00:41:37,498 --> 00:41:39,206 Uh, it's a club. Yeah. 762 00:41:39,290 --> 00:41:41,290 Club. Oh, like the club sandwich. 763 00:41:41,373 --> 00:41:42,873 Not the club sandwich. Okay. 764 00:41:42,956 --> 00:41:45,456 Let's check in with our own Gary Potter, 765 00:41:45,540 --> 00:41:48,373 who's with number one-ranked Scottie Scheffler. 766 00:41:48,456 --> 00:41:49,373 Thanks, Verne. 767 00:41:49,456 --> 00:41:51,456 Scottie, you have been on quite a tear. 768 00:41:51,540 --> 00:41:53,706 My God. You're seeing the ball and the hole, 769 00:41:53,790 --> 00:41:56,706 and the position of the ball and the hole… all good things. 770 00:41:56,790 --> 00:41:58,748 Is there a question in there, Gary? 771 00:41:58,831 --> 00:42:02,206 Scottie, if you're the best, does that make everyone else the worst? 772 00:42:03,165 --> 00:42:04,498 I'm just gonna go warm up. 773 00:42:04,581 --> 00:42:07,998 Always great catching up with Scottie. Back to you, Verne. 774 00:42:08,081 --> 00:42:09,540 Thanks, Gary. 775 00:42:10,623 --> 00:42:14,873 The threesome of Justin Thomas, Will Zalatoris, 776 00:42:14,956 --> 00:42:18,456 and Happy Gilmore is about to tee off. 777 00:42:20,956 --> 00:42:23,456 Ooh. 778 00:42:26,123 --> 00:42:27,956 Nice. Nice bang, JT. 779 00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:29,748 Pressure's on with Happy watching. 780 00:42:29,831 --> 00:42:31,165 My family loves you. 781 00:42:31,248 --> 00:42:33,206 I'm actually rooting for you. I gotta stop. 782 00:42:33,290 --> 00:42:35,748 No. Keep it coming. I need all the love I can get. 783 00:42:35,831 --> 00:42:36,665 Gotcha. 784 00:42:36,748 --> 00:42:38,998 Now on the tee, Zalatoris, Will. 785 00:42:40,873 --> 00:42:43,123 That's your name? 786 00:42:43,706 --> 00:42:46,123 "That's your name?" What an idiot. 787 00:42:46,206 --> 00:42:50,040 I'm a little intimidated. All these guys hit it big now, you know? 788 00:42:50,123 --> 00:42:52,540 Do you need a water refill? Any breadsticks? 789 00:42:52,623 --> 00:42:55,706 No. Maybe I'll go to my happy place. 790 00:42:56,831 --> 00:42:58,456 Okay. I will be here. 791 00:43:05,081 --> 00:43:07,581 It's not working. I don't drink beer anymore. 792 00:43:08,665 --> 00:43:09,831 Good. 793 00:43:09,915 --> 00:43:12,790 Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy. 794 00:43:12,873 --> 00:43:14,540 Welcome back, Happy! 795 00:43:14,623 --> 00:43:18,790 Golf fans around the world are excited to see Happy Gilmore again, 796 00:43:18,873 --> 00:43:20,581 but at 58 years old, 797 00:43:20,665 --> 00:43:25,415 I'm not sure even Gilmore thinks he can compete with today's best. 798 00:43:25,498 --> 00:43:26,373 Hey, Happy! 799 00:43:26,456 --> 00:43:28,456 I guess I need to update my happy place 800 00:43:28,540 --> 00:43:31,790 to something a little more age appropriate. 801 00:43:33,915 --> 00:43:36,498 Whoa! 802 00:43:48,248 --> 00:43:51,206 You can do it! 803 00:44:01,081 --> 00:44:02,748 Yeah. 804 00:44:27,623 --> 00:44:28,748 Okay. 805 00:44:29,415 --> 00:44:31,831 Thank you, Happy! 806 00:44:31,915 --> 00:44:34,540 - Let's go! - Let's go! 807 00:44:35,498 --> 00:44:37,623 Never did that before. Thank you, man. 808 00:44:37,706 --> 00:44:40,373 Okay, well, let's get— All right, we're going to go. 809 00:44:40,456 --> 00:44:42,873 - But you bring those. Those always come. - Oh. 810 00:44:43,665 --> 00:44:45,665 All right? That's it, that's it. 811 00:44:45,748 --> 00:44:46,623 I'm sorry. 812 00:44:46,706 --> 00:44:49,373 No, no. They got a strap if you want to use the strap. 813 00:45:01,956 --> 00:45:05,373 A snake! Get it off me, god damn it! 814 00:45:05,456 --> 00:45:07,081 Get the snake! 815 00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,956 Come on. Come on. Come on. 816 00:45:11,623 --> 00:45:15,790 Goal! Yeah, baby! 817 00:45:18,665 --> 00:45:21,040 Come on, Happy! 818 00:45:21,123 --> 00:45:22,706 Man, I don't drink. 819 00:45:23,706 --> 00:45:25,040 How about some coffee? 820 00:45:25,123 --> 00:45:28,290 That I can do! Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. 821 00:45:28,373 --> 00:45:31,498 Chug, chug, chug! 822 00:45:33,623 --> 00:45:36,081 Yeah! 823 00:45:37,581 --> 00:45:40,581 Yeah! Let's go! Yeah! 824 00:45:47,165 --> 00:45:49,623 Holy shit! 825 00:46:02,706 --> 00:46:04,290 Still the man, Happy! 826 00:46:04,373 --> 00:46:06,623 It's my kids. Sorry, everyone. 827 00:46:06,706 --> 00:46:08,665 - Good to see you, boy! - There they are. 828 00:46:08,748 --> 00:46:11,248 Daddy's on the tee… Wanna see Daddy drive the ball? 829 00:46:11,331 --> 00:46:14,373 Please, dear. Thank you. All right, boys. This is for you. 830 00:46:17,831 --> 00:46:19,165 Whoa! 831 00:46:19,248 --> 00:46:21,956 Oh! Daddy got a hold of that one. 832 00:46:22,998 --> 00:46:24,331 What are you doing? 833 00:46:24,415 --> 00:46:27,498 Gordy! You got to see a doctor about that! 834 00:46:27,581 --> 00:46:28,623 Happy! Happy! Happy! 835 00:46:28,706 --> 00:46:31,706 Entering day two and feeding off the fans' support, 836 00:46:31,790 --> 00:46:34,956 Happy Gilmore has jumped into the top ten. 837 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,831 Oscar. Where were you? Who's this? 838 00:46:37,915 --> 00:46:40,040 Oh, he's Esteban, my caddie. 839 00:46:40,123 --> 00:46:41,040 - Okay. - Steven. 840 00:46:41,123 --> 00:46:42,248 Steven, nice to meet… 841 00:46:42,331 --> 00:46:44,915 No. You don't get a caddie. Caddies don't get caddies. I'm sorry. 842 00:46:44,998 --> 00:46:46,373 No? Can he play? 843 00:46:46,456 --> 00:46:47,915 What do you mean… He's not… 844 00:46:47,998 --> 00:46:50,623 This is the pro tournament. I'm sorry. He's gotta go. 845 00:46:55,081 --> 00:46:57,956 Happy Gilmore! Okay, got it. Okay. 846 00:46:58,040 --> 00:46:59,873 All right. Ciao. Adiós. 847 00:46:59,956 --> 00:47:01,540 He took his hat. 848 00:47:01,623 --> 00:47:03,540 All right, go! 849 00:47:03,623 --> 00:47:07,123 Okay, we got to play, man. Let me have the driver. 850 00:47:13,915 --> 00:47:17,540 Oh, damn it. 851 00:47:17,623 --> 00:47:20,331 Wait! Please! 852 00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:22,373 Now he gets it. 853 00:47:28,915 --> 00:47:30,248 - Happy! Happy! - That was the shot. 854 00:47:30,331 --> 00:47:32,915 Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! 855 00:47:32,998 --> 00:47:35,665 And heading into Saturday, two shots back. 856 00:47:35,748 --> 00:47:38,165 The comeback kid, Happy Gilmore. 857 00:47:38,248 --> 00:47:41,831 Good shot, Happy! 858 00:47:51,706 --> 00:47:54,831 Happy! Rules! 859 00:47:54,915 --> 00:47:57,123 Happy! Happy! 860 00:47:58,331 --> 00:48:01,623 Guys, what are you doing? I'm trying to watch your dad play golf! 861 00:48:01,706 --> 00:48:04,456 - Guys, we can't hear! - Come on, guys. 862 00:48:04,540 --> 00:48:06,831 No one could have expected this. 863 00:48:06,915 --> 00:48:08,498 Happy Gilmore. 864 00:48:08,581 --> 00:48:12,081 From off the couch to the top of the leaderboard. 865 00:48:12,165 --> 00:48:14,873 And what was supposed to be a nostalgic footnote 866 00:48:14,956 --> 00:48:19,040 has turned into one of the best three rounds anyone has ever seen. 867 00:48:19,123 --> 00:48:22,331 The thing is, if I go for this and miss the cup, 868 00:48:22,415 --> 00:48:25,165 it's going to roll right off the green, so… yeah. 869 00:48:25,248 --> 00:48:27,040 - Okay, I see. - Yeah. 870 00:48:27,123 --> 00:48:28,415 What's a green? 871 00:48:28,498 --> 00:48:31,123 Green? Know what? Don't worry about that right now. 872 00:48:31,206 --> 00:48:34,206 What I'm looking for is some positive energy, you know? 873 00:48:34,290 --> 00:48:35,165 Can I help? 874 00:48:35,248 --> 00:48:38,123 Actually, you can. Remember the happy place I went to? 875 00:48:38,206 --> 00:48:40,248 - Yes. - You go to yours. 876 00:48:40,998 --> 00:48:42,415 Okay, I'll try. 877 00:48:48,581 --> 00:48:49,581 What's up, man? 878 00:48:50,081 --> 00:48:52,165 What do you got there? Honey? 879 00:48:53,331 --> 00:48:57,456 What is this? What is this? 880 00:48:57,540 --> 00:48:59,790 Is this about the job? Come on— 881 00:49:00,540 --> 00:49:04,456 Let's— That's— Come on, man. 882 00:49:06,290 --> 00:49:10,623 Oh, no. Not a bear. Not a bear. 883 00:49:10,706 --> 00:49:12,998 Goddamn you, busboy! 884 00:49:20,748 --> 00:49:23,206 - I'm happy now. Hit the ball. - Yeah. 885 00:49:23,290 --> 00:49:24,581 Yes. 886 00:49:24,665 --> 00:49:27,790 You were thinking about a bear eating that waiter, weren't you? 887 00:49:27,873 --> 00:49:28,748 Yes. 888 00:49:28,831 --> 00:49:32,373 - I thought so. Was there honey involved? - Un poquito. 889 00:49:32,456 --> 00:49:33,998 I love it. 890 00:49:34,081 --> 00:49:35,248 Come on, Happy. 891 00:49:36,248 --> 00:49:39,706 Come on, Happy. 892 00:49:40,665 --> 00:49:43,206 Oh, no. I don't see that one stopping. 893 00:49:43,290 --> 00:49:44,873 Wait a minute. 894 00:49:44,956 --> 00:49:47,956 Zalatoris' ball marker to the rescue! 895 00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:49,831 Yeah, Blondie! 896 00:49:49,915 --> 00:49:52,081 And the fairy tale continues. 897 00:49:52,165 --> 00:49:55,790 Happy Gilmore has somehow turned back the hands of time. 898 00:49:58,415 --> 00:50:00,623 - No. Not again. - Come here. Come on! 899 00:50:01,915 --> 00:50:03,831 We gotta do it! 900 00:50:03,915 --> 00:50:06,790 Oh! 901 00:50:06,873 --> 00:50:11,040 I love it! Yeah, Oscar! Whoo! 902 00:50:11,123 --> 00:50:13,415 Less than two months after hitting rock bottom 903 00:50:13,498 --> 00:50:15,290 in a drunken golf cart crash, 904 00:50:15,373 --> 00:50:20,290 Happy Gilmore is 18 holes away from a seventh gold jacket. 905 00:50:20,373 --> 00:50:22,206 The only possible conclusion is that 906 00:50:22,290 --> 00:50:25,915 Happy Gilmore has reached an agreement of some kind 907 00:50:25,998 --> 00:50:29,415 with Satan, a.k.a. the Devil! 908 00:50:29,498 --> 00:50:32,248 All right. Let's go! Happy! 909 00:50:32,331 --> 00:50:33,831 - Good job, Mr. Gilmore. - What's up? 910 00:50:33,915 --> 00:50:35,081 In the zone today. Man. 911 00:50:35,165 --> 00:50:37,915 We were putting. We were doing okay. A little luck involved. 912 00:50:37,998 --> 00:50:39,831 Hey, Mr. Gilmore. Billy Jenkins. 913 00:50:39,915 --> 00:50:41,831 - Hey, nice to meet you, Bobby. - Billy. 914 00:50:41,915 --> 00:50:44,623 Billy was on fire today. I was like, where did that come from? 915 00:50:44,706 --> 00:50:47,248 Had the best round of my life. I'm in second place. 916 00:50:47,331 --> 00:50:48,706 You and me play tomorrow. 917 00:50:48,790 --> 00:50:50,290 You're kidding. Look forward to that. 918 00:50:50,373 --> 00:50:53,123 I've never been in the hunt. It's a dream come true. 919 00:50:53,206 --> 00:50:55,165 You're going to love it. You get in the top five, 920 00:50:55,248 --> 00:50:57,873 you get to play against those buffoons from the new league. 921 00:50:57,956 --> 00:50:59,831 What's up with that tool starting that league? 922 00:50:59,915 --> 00:51:01,540 The guy came to see me to talk about it. 923 00:51:01,623 --> 00:51:04,456 He had the worst breath I've ever smelled in my life. 924 00:51:04,540 --> 00:51:05,873 Like somebody died in his mouth 925 00:51:05,956 --> 00:51:08,081 or a donkey took a shit there or something… 926 00:51:08,165 --> 00:51:10,206 It was not good. Anyways, I got to get to a meeting. 927 00:51:10,290 --> 00:51:12,540 Love you, Bubba. David, good to see you. 928 00:51:12,623 --> 00:51:13,873 It's Billy. 929 00:51:13,956 --> 00:51:19,248 So, in summary, I am no longer allowed to purchase magic markers 930 00:51:19,331 --> 00:51:20,831 in the state of Connecticut. 931 00:51:20,915 --> 00:51:23,790 I am Nate, and I am one day sober. 932 00:51:26,956 --> 00:51:30,248 Nate, you're an example to us all. 933 00:51:30,873 --> 00:51:31,706 What? 934 00:51:31,790 --> 00:51:33,706 Before we finish, I'd like to say a few words 935 00:51:33,790 --> 00:51:36,206 about the remarkable achievement of our brother, Happy. 936 00:51:36,290 --> 00:51:39,415 We've been watching you play, Mr. Gilmore. So inspiring. 937 00:51:39,498 --> 00:51:44,790 Yeah! Happy Gilmore, making Black people like golf again. 938 00:51:44,873 --> 00:51:46,248 That's right, Bessie. 939 00:51:46,331 --> 00:51:49,415 I just hope Happy's able to continue to play as well tomorrow. 940 00:51:50,123 --> 00:51:52,831 Tomorrow being of course… Oh… 941 00:51:54,123 --> 00:51:55,331 Mother's Day. 942 00:51:58,748 --> 00:52:02,331 Welcome to the final round of the Tour Championship. 943 00:52:02,415 --> 00:52:04,081 Here come your current leaders. 944 00:52:04,165 --> 00:52:05,498 Journeyman Billy Jenkins, 945 00:52:05,581 --> 00:52:10,040 getting his first taste of success after an undistinguished career. 946 00:52:10,123 --> 00:52:11,706 The only man in his way, 947 00:52:11,790 --> 00:52:16,665 a golf magician named Happy Octavius Gilmore. 948 00:52:16,748 --> 00:52:18,873 Octavius is his middle name? 949 00:52:18,956 --> 00:52:21,206 Nah, but it sounds cool, doesn't it? 950 00:52:21,956 --> 00:52:22,956 Wait a minute. 951 00:52:23,790 --> 00:52:27,081 Can't wear shorts, Mr. Jenkins. It's a two-stroke penalty. 952 00:52:27,165 --> 00:52:28,665 That's okay. 953 00:52:28,748 --> 00:52:31,998 I don't want to be hot today. Makes my balls itchy. 954 00:52:32,873 --> 00:52:35,706 Was that confidence or just pure stupidity? 955 00:52:42,206 --> 00:52:45,540 Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy. 956 00:52:45,623 --> 00:52:47,123 Nice shot, young man. 957 00:52:48,373 --> 00:52:51,373 Happy Gilmore will try to defend his eight-shot lead 958 00:52:51,456 --> 00:52:53,665 on this glorious Mother's Day. 959 00:53:07,290 --> 00:53:10,706 Gilmore was aiming right for some reason, and that's where it went. 960 00:53:11,498 --> 00:53:12,915 A lot of holes left to play. 961 00:53:12,998 --> 00:53:13,831 Yeah. 962 00:53:14,748 --> 00:53:18,123 It's okay. 963 00:53:21,998 --> 00:53:24,165 Mr. McGavin. 964 00:53:24,248 --> 00:53:25,415 How'd you sleep? 965 00:53:25,498 --> 00:53:28,331 This place… is amazing. 966 00:53:28,415 --> 00:53:29,915 The pillows, the steam shower, 967 00:53:29,998 --> 00:53:31,123 the free porn, 968 00:53:31,206 --> 00:53:33,956 and these fluffy pancakes. Oh, my God. 969 00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:35,956 What do you say you and I go on a tour 970 00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,581 - and I show you what we're all about? - Mmm… 971 00:53:38,665 --> 00:53:41,456 I'll make sure there's a fresh stack waiting for you when we get back. 972 00:53:41,540 --> 00:53:42,665 All right. 973 00:53:44,248 --> 00:53:45,623 Slippers on? 974 00:53:45,706 --> 00:53:48,165 And why don't you throw on some underpants, too? 975 00:53:48,248 --> 00:53:49,748 It's all right, Happy. 976 00:53:49,831 --> 00:53:51,581 Hey, Happy. Remember me? 977 00:53:53,081 --> 00:53:55,748 My dad used to be your boss when you worked in construction. 978 00:53:55,831 --> 00:53:57,498 I'm truly proud of you. 979 00:53:57,581 --> 00:54:00,165 Hey, thanks a lot, Mr. Larson. 980 00:54:00,790 --> 00:54:04,165 Drago Larson. Little Drago Larson? 981 00:54:04,248 --> 00:54:06,540 Hell yeah! My God! 982 00:54:06,623 --> 00:54:10,081 I always felt bad about what I did to Daddy and the whole nail thing. 983 00:54:10,165 --> 00:54:11,623 Actually, after he got it removed, 984 00:54:11,706 --> 00:54:13,915 he kind of missed it, so he had it put back. 985 00:54:13,998 --> 00:54:15,581 Oh, okay. 986 00:54:15,665 --> 00:54:17,540 He passed away a few years ago. 987 00:54:17,623 --> 00:54:19,373 I'm so sorry. What happened? 988 00:54:19,456 --> 00:54:21,248 He rolled over in his sleep. 989 00:54:21,331 --> 00:54:22,456 Oh, yeah. 990 00:54:22,540 --> 00:54:25,873 At least I still have Mom. Every boy needs his mom. 991 00:54:26,581 --> 00:54:28,956 - Yeah. - Happy have five kids, Mom. 992 00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,456 Oh, tell your wife Happy Mother's Day. 993 00:54:32,456 --> 00:54:34,040 His wife passed away. 994 00:54:34,748 --> 00:54:37,331 Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 995 00:54:37,415 --> 00:54:39,540 Why didn't you tell me, Jerko? 996 00:54:39,623 --> 00:54:41,831 Mommy, don't hit me. Mommy, don't hit me. 997 00:54:41,915 --> 00:54:43,498 Which club do you prefer, sir? 998 00:54:43,581 --> 00:54:44,706 Let's go, Gilmore! 999 00:54:44,790 --> 00:54:48,581 Give me… Let me have a wedge. 1000 00:54:51,915 --> 00:54:53,206 Let's go, Happy. 1001 00:54:54,081 --> 00:54:56,748 - Every boy needs a mom. - But we don't have one. 1002 00:54:56,831 --> 00:54:58,165 You got it, Happy. 1003 00:54:58,248 --> 00:54:59,706 - You can make it. - You got this. 1004 00:54:59,790 --> 00:55:01,248 Do it. Come on. 1005 00:55:04,540 --> 00:55:08,456 Oh! 1006 00:55:09,331 --> 00:55:10,831 I gotta go to the bathroom. 1007 00:55:13,915 --> 00:55:16,040 You came at a very special moment. 1008 00:55:16,123 --> 00:55:17,248 Change is in the air. 1009 00:55:17,331 --> 00:55:18,581 What change is that? 1010 00:55:18,665 --> 00:55:21,040 Golf. New and improved. 1011 00:55:22,456 --> 00:55:24,415 Gilmore must love all this. 1012 00:55:24,498 --> 00:55:26,915 I wouldn't know. Happy Gilmore's a broken man. 1013 00:55:27,623 --> 00:55:28,665 A broken man? 1014 00:55:28,748 --> 00:55:31,081 Yeah, ever since the loss of his wife. 1015 00:55:31,165 --> 00:55:33,290 Wait, Virginia Venit? 1016 00:55:33,373 --> 00:55:34,665 Is that what her name was? 1017 00:55:35,415 --> 00:55:36,373 Oh, man. 1018 00:55:38,623 --> 00:55:40,331 Fart recognized. 1019 00:55:42,498 --> 00:55:43,998 All right, come on in. 1020 00:55:44,081 --> 00:55:46,206 Our current leader, Happy Gilmore, 1021 00:55:46,290 --> 00:55:49,456 has been in the restroom for an unusually long time. 1022 00:56:32,248 --> 00:56:33,915 Let's play some golf. 1023 00:56:36,081 --> 00:56:39,248 Billy Jenkins is playing an inspired round. 1024 00:56:40,498 --> 00:56:44,206 Meanwhile, Happy Gilmore is struggling to keep it in the fairway. 1025 00:56:47,706 --> 00:56:49,290 Cart path. 1026 00:56:51,790 --> 00:56:53,623 Wanna sip of my 3-wood? 1027 00:56:53,706 --> 00:56:55,581 - No, gracias. - Okay. 1028 00:56:59,831 --> 00:57:01,456 You scratch it, I hurt you. 1029 00:57:04,331 --> 00:57:06,165 Thank you, Jesus! 1030 00:57:06,873 --> 00:57:08,165 Plenty golf to be played. 1031 00:57:08,248 --> 00:57:10,373 Happy, what does Mother's Day mean to you? 1032 00:57:10,456 --> 00:57:13,790 Can you suck my white ass, Gary? Just suck the entire thing? 1033 00:57:16,456 --> 00:57:17,456 Psycho. 1034 00:57:23,415 --> 00:57:24,498 Oh. 1035 00:57:24,581 --> 00:57:28,373 And it has all fallen apart for Happy Gilmore… 1036 00:57:28,456 --> 00:57:32,290 Happy's… wasted! 1037 00:57:32,373 --> 00:57:35,915 …who is staggering, literally, to the finish. 1038 00:57:37,873 --> 00:57:41,748 What I'm about to show you is the foundation of Maxi Golf. 1039 00:57:44,956 --> 00:57:47,206 An X-ray from 1957. 1040 00:57:47,956 --> 00:57:49,040 Who's Ben Daggett? 1041 00:57:49,123 --> 00:57:53,581 He's the only guy who could hit it farther than Happy Octavius Gilmore. 1042 00:57:54,831 --> 00:57:56,456 How come I never heard of him? 1043 00:57:56,540 --> 00:57:58,831 Well, he was a degenerate. Couldn't putt for shit. 1044 00:57:58,915 --> 00:58:01,415 Just drove around the country in the 1950s, 1045 00:58:01,498 --> 00:58:03,623 dominating long drive contests. 1046 00:58:03,706 --> 00:58:06,748 They say he could carry the ball 500 yards. 1047 00:58:06,831 --> 00:58:10,040 One day, one of the mobsters who he owed some money to 1048 00:58:10,123 --> 00:58:12,540 took a golf shoe and shoved it right up Ben's ass. 1049 00:58:13,373 --> 00:58:15,706 And that's where this X-ray was taken. 1050 00:58:18,081 --> 00:58:20,290 Do you see anything unusual here? 1051 00:58:20,373 --> 00:58:23,998 Well, there appears to be a shoe up his rectal region. 1052 00:58:24,081 --> 00:58:26,290 That's true. But see that? 1053 00:58:26,373 --> 00:58:29,790 That's the iliolumbar ligament. Why is it in two pieces? 1054 00:58:29,873 --> 00:58:32,248 Let me guess. Shoe up the ass? 1055 00:58:32,331 --> 00:58:33,748 - No. - No? 1056 00:58:33,831 --> 00:58:35,790 This happened much earlier in his life. 1057 00:58:35,873 --> 00:58:39,040 Turns out Daggett severed it in a childhood go-kart accident. 1058 00:58:39,123 --> 00:58:41,831 The separation of the ligament from when he was a kid 1059 00:58:41,915 --> 00:58:44,665 increased Daggett's range of motion in his hips, 1060 00:58:44,748 --> 00:58:46,873 dramatically improving the amount of torque 1061 00:58:46,956 --> 00:58:49,165 and club speed that he could generate. 1062 00:58:51,540 --> 00:58:53,748 That's why he could hit it so far. Because of the shoe. 1063 00:58:53,831 --> 00:58:56,331 Will you stop with the shoe? We're done with the shoe. 1064 00:58:56,415 --> 00:58:59,498 It was a go-kart accident that severed the ligament 1065 00:58:59,581 --> 00:59:01,831 and turned him into a long-ball-hitting freak. 1066 00:59:02,373 --> 00:59:04,331 And all those golfers outside? 1067 00:59:04,415 --> 00:59:06,998 We snipped their iliolumbar ligaments, too. 1068 00:59:07,081 --> 00:59:10,123 That's cheating. Who would agree to a surgery like that? 1069 00:59:10,831 --> 00:59:13,456 Journeymen… who were good enough for the pros 1070 00:59:13,540 --> 00:59:15,706 but could never figure out how to beat the legends. 1071 00:59:23,831 --> 00:59:27,831 It's all in the hips, Grandpa. It's all in the hips. 1072 00:59:29,706 --> 00:59:32,123 Shooter, I want you to be the captain of the Maxi team. 1073 00:59:32,206 --> 00:59:33,415 Hmm. 1074 00:59:33,498 --> 00:59:35,956 - Thank you so much. - Absolutely, Mr. Manatee. 1075 00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:37,873 Pancakes next time. 1076 00:59:37,956 --> 00:59:40,331 And I haven't even showed you the best part yet. 1077 00:59:43,665 --> 00:59:46,206 18 holes? Boring. 1078 00:59:46,290 --> 00:59:47,665 We do seven holes. 1079 00:59:48,248 --> 00:59:50,956 Slow play? We got shot clocks. 1080 00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,165 My God, this is obscene. 1081 00:59:53,248 --> 00:59:55,248 It's a lot to take in. I get it. 1082 00:59:55,331 --> 00:59:58,040 I will never have anything to do with this… 1083 00:59:59,290 --> 01:00:01,081 This abomination. 1084 01:00:01,165 --> 01:00:04,081 You know, Shooter, it wasn't very easy to get you released. 1085 01:00:04,873 --> 01:00:07,706 But it'd be pretty damn easy to get you recommitted. 1086 01:00:07,790 --> 01:00:09,040 Yeah? 1087 01:00:09,123 --> 01:00:11,415 Damn, that's hot. 1088 01:00:11,498 --> 01:00:13,456 - I was told you liked it hot. - Do you? 1089 01:00:27,581 --> 01:00:30,456 My eye! 1090 01:00:32,873 --> 01:00:36,790 Yesterday, Happy Gilmore had the entire sports world rooting for him, 1091 01:00:36,873 --> 01:00:40,331 and then he took all that good will and basically set it on fire. 1092 01:00:40,415 --> 01:00:42,665 - Go to your happy place! - No! 1093 01:00:42,748 --> 01:00:45,581 He also lost out on playing against the Maxi League 1094 01:00:45,665 --> 01:00:48,123 as he finds himself with a sixth-place finish. 1095 01:00:48,206 --> 01:00:50,915 And so it is Jenkins who will lead the five-man team 1096 01:00:50,998 --> 01:00:55,498 against the upstart Maxi League, or… so we thought. 1097 01:00:55,581 --> 01:00:57,540 Sorry to pee in your punch bowl, folks, 1098 01:00:57,623 --> 01:01:01,956 but I am actually a proud member of the Maxi Golf League. 1099 01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,665 Bye-bye, regular golf. Bye-bye. 1100 01:01:04,748 --> 01:01:06,706 That's right. Billy's part of a new league 1101 01:01:06,790 --> 01:01:09,540 where we hit longer, look cooler, and party harder. 1102 01:01:09,623 --> 01:01:12,040 And the best part is, our guys are "Maxi Good." 1103 01:01:12,123 --> 01:01:13,415 Give me the jacket. 1104 01:01:13,498 --> 01:01:15,581 My sources in the DA's office say 1105 01:01:15,665 --> 01:01:17,415 Gilmore's actions violated a plea agreement, 1106 01:01:17,498 --> 01:01:20,623 relating to his drunken golf cart crash earlier this year, 1107 01:01:20,706 --> 01:01:24,165 and that he only avoided arrests due to an ally causing a distraction. 1108 01:01:26,665 --> 01:01:29,790 Hey, Drago, you forgot your underpants, Jerko! 1109 01:01:29,873 --> 01:01:32,665 Gilmore is now facing six years in state prison, 1110 01:01:32,748 --> 01:01:35,956 but I hope the authorities will deliver justice to golf fans 1111 01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:42,165 by sentencing him to the electric chair, which at this point, he richly deserves. 1112 01:01:57,165 --> 01:02:00,290 Oh, Virginia, I'm sorry you're no longer with us. 1113 01:02:00,373 --> 01:02:02,665 You were a woman working in a man's league. 1114 01:02:02,748 --> 01:02:05,415 I bet that wasn't easy. Huh? 1115 01:02:06,206 --> 01:02:11,331 Yeah. I guess I should also apologize for asking you to get me a Pepsi. 1116 01:02:11,415 --> 01:02:12,331 Diet. 1117 01:02:16,373 --> 01:02:17,415 Gilmore. 1118 01:02:18,165 --> 01:02:19,915 Shooter McGavin. 1119 01:02:19,998 --> 01:02:25,831 Last time I saw you, you were running away in slow motion with my gold jacket. 1120 01:02:25,915 --> 01:02:27,331 That was my jacket! 1121 01:02:27,415 --> 01:02:30,665 Take it. I've got five others. 1122 01:02:33,623 --> 01:02:36,081 God! You would never have won them if I wasn't— 1123 01:02:36,165 --> 01:02:38,290 What? In the loony bin? 1124 01:02:38,956 --> 01:02:40,790 You stole my life from me. 1125 01:02:40,873 --> 01:02:44,540 Now, why would I want to steal the life of somebody 1126 01:02:45,456 --> 01:02:48,373 who eats pieces of shit… 1127 01:02:48,456 --> 01:02:51,206 - Oh, you… - …for breakfast? 1128 01:02:59,415 --> 01:03:02,373 Game over, bitch. 1129 01:03:04,665 --> 01:03:05,665 - Come on. - Okay. 1130 01:03:05,748 --> 01:03:07,623 - Let's go. - We're gonna fist fight? 1131 01:03:07,706 --> 01:03:08,706 - Want this? - Yeah. 1132 01:03:08,790 --> 01:03:10,998 You sure you want that? Come on. 1133 01:03:18,665 --> 01:03:19,498 Come here, now. 1134 01:03:20,748 --> 01:03:22,456 That was for you, Grandma. 1135 01:03:22,540 --> 01:03:24,623 I am so sorry I lost the house again. 1136 01:03:24,706 --> 01:03:25,956 - Truly. - Hi, Grandma. 1137 01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:28,498 Don't you ever talk to my grandma! 1138 01:03:28,581 --> 01:03:29,790 Come on. 1139 01:03:31,165 --> 01:03:33,123 Jackass! 1140 01:03:44,623 --> 01:03:46,081 That was round one. 1141 01:03:46,165 --> 01:03:49,456 We are done, son. You can tell everybody you won. 1142 01:03:50,540 --> 01:03:53,706 Should I put my hair in a bun just for fun? 1143 01:03:53,790 --> 01:03:56,831 And play one-on-one with Attila the Hun? 1144 01:03:56,915 --> 01:03:59,665 Oh, boy. That was good. Round two. 1145 01:04:00,248 --> 01:04:01,873 Okay. We're even. 1146 01:04:01,956 --> 01:04:03,581 Come on. You love this. 1147 01:04:04,456 --> 01:04:06,873 - Get up. Absolutely. - Thanks, man. 1148 01:04:06,956 --> 01:04:10,415 Okay. Hey. Are your hip ligaments cut in half? 1149 01:04:11,498 --> 01:04:12,498 I don't think so. 1150 01:04:12,581 --> 01:04:14,956 Anyone ever stick a shoe up your ass? 1151 01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:16,706 Not that I can recollect. 1152 01:04:16,790 --> 01:04:18,915 You realize these are strange questions? 1153 01:04:18,998 --> 01:04:22,290 Apparently, if a certain hip ligament is not attached, 1154 01:04:22,373 --> 01:04:23,831 you can hit the ball farther. 1155 01:04:23,915 --> 01:04:28,248 Oh. No. I always powered my drives the old-fashioned way. With rage. 1156 01:04:28,331 --> 01:04:29,456 Yeah. 1157 01:04:29,540 --> 01:04:31,831 You want to get out of these pajamas? I live around here. 1158 01:04:31,915 --> 01:04:32,956 Yeah, thanks. 1159 01:04:33,581 --> 01:04:39,081 Mister! Mister! Get me outta here! 1160 01:04:45,081 --> 01:04:47,456 They issued a warrant for your arrest, Dad. 1161 01:04:47,540 --> 01:04:49,373 Yeah, hide in the basement. 1162 01:04:49,456 --> 01:04:51,498 I should just turn myself in. Get it over with. 1163 01:04:51,581 --> 01:04:54,581 - We'll ask the lawyer when he gets here. - You hired a lawyer? 1164 01:04:54,665 --> 01:04:56,790 Okay. How do I look? 1165 01:04:57,290 --> 01:04:59,331 You look like my frickin' dad. 1166 01:04:59,415 --> 01:05:00,456 Yeah. 1167 01:05:00,540 --> 01:05:03,123 At least I'm not wearing that ridiculous Bruins jersey. 1168 01:05:03,206 --> 01:05:04,081 Uh-oh. 1169 01:05:06,540 --> 01:05:07,665 Okay. 1170 01:05:09,498 --> 01:05:10,456 Okay, get the door. 1171 01:05:14,581 --> 01:05:18,498 Mr. Gilmore. Mr. McGavin. John Daly. 1172 01:05:18,581 --> 01:05:20,706 Nice to see you again. 1173 01:05:20,790 --> 01:05:23,415 You're the lawyer? I thought you were the IRS guy. 1174 01:05:23,498 --> 01:05:26,456 I was, but I got tired of everybody hating me 1175 01:05:26,540 --> 01:05:28,748 and occasionally being thrown through a glass door. 1176 01:05:28,831 --> 01:05:29,998 You hate me, don't you? 1177 01:05:34,123 --> 01:05:36,165 - Right. - So, I went to law school. 1178 01:05:36,956 --> 01:05:40,290 You didn't want to be hated anymore, so you became a lawyer? 1179 01:05:41,456 --> 01:05:43,415 - That's funny. - Lawyers are snobs. 1180 01:05:43,498 --> 01:05:44,915 - Pieces of shit. - Pieces of shit. 1181 01:05:45,748 --> 01:05:47,623 Let's sit. Lots to talk about. 1182 01:05:47,706 --> 01:05:49,956 Let me just have a little shower… 1183 01:05:50,623 --> 01:05:52,456 This girl's got some body on her. 1184 01:05:52,540 --> 01:05:56,373 Hey, we do not objectify women anymore. 1185 01:05:57,665 --> 01:05:58,623 What? 1186 01:05:58,706 --> 01:06:03,373 Okay, great. Uh, looks like the DA has withdrawn the arrest warrant. 1187 01:06:03,456 --> 01:06:04,331 What? 1188 01:06:04,415 --> 01:06:06,665 Even though you appeared to some onlookers 1189 01:06:06,748 --> 01:06:08,498 to be inebriated at the tournament, 1190 01:06:08,581 --> 01:06:10,248 you weren't administered an alcohol test. 1191 01:06:10,331 --> 01:06:12,248 - And… I have better news. - Yes? 1192 01:06:12,331 --> 01:06:14,248 You came in sixth at that tournament. 1193 01:06:14,331 --> 01:06:17,206 That's right. I forgot about that. How much did I win? 1194 01:06:17,290 --> 01:06:18,956 Uh, $496,000. 1195 01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:20,331 - Oh, my God! - No way! 1196 01:06:20,415 --> 01:06:21,956 - No! What? - Holy shit! 1197 01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:24,123 Baby! Yay! 1198 01:06:24,206 --> 01:06:25,873 Now you're really gonna hate me. 1199 01:06:25,956 --> 01:06:31,081 The tour is fining you $500,000 for bad behavior. 1200 01:06:31,165 --> 01:06:33,998 So he lost $37,000? 1201 01:06:34,081 --> 01:06:35,581 No. It's $33,000, Dad. 1202 01:06:35,665 --> 01:06:39,081 It's $4,000, you buffoons. How is that good news? 1203 01:06:39,165 --> 01:06:42,373 Well, you came in sixth, but the winner, Billy Jenkins, 1204 01:06:42,456 --> 01:06:45,873 opted out of the tour team because he's playing for the bad guys. 1205 01:06:45,956 --> 01:06:47,248 So you made the team. 1206 01:06:47,331 --> 01:06:49,331 - Dad, that's great! - Whoa! Okay, Pop. 1207 01:06:49,415 --> 01:06:51,665 They don't want me. I'm a disgrace. 1208 01:06:51,748 --> 01:06:53,331 A freaking embarrassment. 1209 01:06:53,415 --> 01:06:55,290 Let's go outside, Dad, for a second. 1210 01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:56,998 Next. 1211 01:07:00,665 --> 01:07:04,415 Well, Shooter, due to Mr. Manatee's sworn statement, 1212 01:07:04,498 --> 01:07:08,623 you are now technically an escapee from a mental institution. 1213 01:07:08,706 --> 01:07:11,165 Welcome to the club. 1214 01:07:12,956 --> 01:07:15,956 Dad, it doesn't matter if you play for that team or not. 1215 01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:17,415 You have to stop drinking. 1216 01:07:17,498 --> 01:07:18,581 I did. It's just— 1217 01:07:18,665 --> 01:07:21,290 Just nothing. You gotta find peace somehow. 1218 01:07:21,373 --> 01:07:23,373 There's no peace. I… 1219 01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:25,206 The reason I joined that tour again 1220 01:07:25,290 --> 01:07:28,248 was to get you the future you deserve, and I lost $4,000. 1221 01:07:28,331 --> 01:07:31,081 You think if you made that money I could leave you like this? 1222 01:07:31,165 --> 01:07:33,581 It's not your job to take care of me. I told you. 1223 01:07:33,665 --> 01:07:36,331 - Of course it is. We're family. - You're stuck with us. 1224 01:07:36,415 --> 01:07:37,540 Yeah, come on, Dad. 1225 01:07:37,623 --> 01:07:39,581 I don't want you to be stuck with me. 1226 01:07:39,665 --> 01:07:41,206 You didn't do nothing wrong. It's me. 1227 01:07:41,956 --> 01:07:43,831 I think this person could help. 1228 01:07:47,831 --> 01:07:50,998 Hey, you gotta put a little mustard on that ball 1229 01:07:51,081 --> 01:07:55,331 so it doesn't get stuck where the pirate hide his, uh, uh… 1230 01:07:55,415 --> 01:07:56,623 booty and shit. 1231 01:07:56,706 --> 01:07:58,206 The hold? 1232 01:07:58,290 --> 01:08:00,998 Yeah, the hold. Get at it, kiddies. 1233 01:08:01,081 --> 01:08:03,665 - Thank you! - Are you Slim Peterson? 1234 01:08:03,748 --> 01:08:05,290 That's what they call me. 1235 01:08:05,373 --> 01:08:08,373 Your dad Chubbs was my teacher. My name's Happy Gilmore— 1236 01:08:08,456 --> 01:08:09,748 I know who you are. 1237 01:08:09,831 --> 01:08:15,415 Hey, you gotta hit it under the octopus and bank it off one of his leg things. 1238 01:08:15,498 --> 01:08:16,498 The tentacles? 1239 01:08:16,581 --> 01:08:18,748 Yeah, testicles. Now, what was you saying? 1240 01:08:18,831 --> 01:08:21,040 I need to talk to you for a few minutes. 1241 01:08:21,123 --> 01:08:23,706 Damn, mosquitoes. They everywhere. 1242 01:08:23,790 --> 01:08:25,123 - What… - Look at them. 1243 01:08:26,665 --> 01:08:27,748 Alligator? 1244 01:08:27,831 --> 01:08:30,248 No, vending machine. I didn't have enough change. 1245 01:08:30,331 --> 01:08:33,206 Had to reach up there to get my Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. 1246 01:08:33,790 --> 01:08:37,373 Man, looking at you just reminded me of what I did to you. 1247 01:08:37,456 --> 01:08:38,623 What'd you do to me? 1248 01:08:38,706 --> 01:08:41,248 What I did to my own kids. Stole a parent. 1249 01:08:41,331 --> 01:08:43,415 Man, you gotta forgive yourself for that. 1250 01:08:43,498 --> 01:08:44,623 Don't want to. 1251 01:08:44,706 --> 01:08:46,540 I didn't want to forgive you either, 1252 01:08:46,623 --> 01:08:48,748 because it was easier to hate you 1253 01:08:48,831 --> 01:08:51,956 than to deal with the fact that my daddy wasn't coming back. 1254 01:08:52,623 --> 01:08:56,248 It's kind of like I was using hate to keep him alive. 1255 01:08:56,331 --> 01:08:59,581 But once I forgave you, I became myself again. 1256 01:08:59,665 --> 01:09:02,498 And that's who I knew my daddy wanted me to be. 1257 01:09:05,456 --> 01:09:09,415 You loved your wife. You loved my dad. 1258 01:09:09,498 --> 01:09:11,415 And they loved you, period. 1259 01:09:11,498 --> 01:09:14,290 You know what else they loved? Golf. 1260 01:09:14,373 --> 01:09:15,831 Oh, my God, yeah. 1261 01:09:15,915 --> 01:09:17,498 I talked to your little girl, 1262 01:09:17,581 --> 01:09:20,331 and she said you got a chance to save the whole sport 1263 01:09:20,415 --> 01:09:22,915 by playing against some clown league? 1264 01:09:22,998 --> 01:09:26,248 Yeah, well, why don't you go kick some bozo ass then? 1265 01:09:26,331 --> 01:09:27,706 Let's do it for them. 1266 01:09:30,248 --> 01:09:32,040 I am so sorry. 1267 01:09:32,123 --> 01:09:34,290 Boy, why you had to squeeze it like that? 1268 01:09:34,373 --> 01:09:36,206 I will throw these out. I can… 1269 01:09:36,290 --> 01:09:38,290 Give them here. I got some Gorilla Glue. 1270 01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:39,790 Yeah, love you, buddy. 1271 01:09:39,873 --> 01:09:41,748 Yeah, man, thank you for stopping by. 1272 01:09:43,623 --> 01:09:46,290 You know, we could use some help. 1273 01:09:46,373 --> 01:09:50,998 Oh, about time somebody recognized my genius. Say less. 1274 01:09:51,081 --> 01:09:52,290 Okay, okay. 1275 01:09:52,373 --> 01:09:53,998 Where do you think you're going, Slim? 1276 01:09:54,081 --> 01:09:56,081 I'm going to help save golf, Charley. 1277 01:09:56,165 --> 01:10:00,081 If you leave now, you ain't ever coming back, you big pork chop. 1278 01:10:00,165 --> 01:10:04,165 Damn straight I ain't never coming back, you fine-ass English hillbilly. 1279 01:10:04,915 --> 01:10:06,248 Welcome, gentlemen. 1280 01:10:06,331 --> 01:10:09,665 You are the five golfers who will represent our tour 1281 01:10:09,748 --> 01:10:12,581 in the grudge match against the Maxi League. 1282 01:10:13,165 --> 01:10:16,415 I don't have to tell you how important it is that we beat them. 1283 01:10:16,498 --> 01:10:20,706 And here to talk about how we're going to accomplish that is Shooter McGavin. 1284 01:10:22,123 --> 01:10:24,123 Thank you, Doug. I'll take it from here. 1285 01:10:25,331 --> 01:10:27,206 I want to talk to you about pressure. 1286 01:10:27,998 --> 01:10:31,373 Now, as the most successful golfer of the '90s, 1287 01:10:31,998 --> 01:10:34,706 I've faced my share, believe me, 1288 01:10:34,790 --> 01:10:37,665 but nothing like my 30 years in the can. 1289 01:10:37,748 --> 01:10:41,165 And if I let my guard down there for a nanosecond… 1290 01:10:41,873 --> 01:10:43,040 Stab! 1291 01:10:43,581 --> 01:10:46,206 I got a shiv in my guts. 1292 01:10:46,956 --> 01:10:49,873 Anyway, I hear you guys all have ice water in your veins. 1293 01:10:49,956 --> 01:10:53,581 Well, I reviewed the footage and I ain't seeing it. 1294 01:10:53,665 --> 01:10:55,831 - Man, what's happening right now? - Uh… 1295 01:10:55,915 --> 01:10:57,040 Bryson DeChambeau. 1296 01:10:58,165 --> 01:11:01,165 2022 Portland Open. Eighth hole. 1297 01:11:01,248 --> 01:11:02,873 You got a two-stroke lead. 1298 01:11:02,956 --> 01:11:06,165 You got an opportunity to pull way ahead and… 1299 01:11:07,373 --> 01:11:08,873 - Aw! - What? 1300 01:11:10,498 --> 01:11:11,623 Huh? 1301 01:11:12,581 --> 01:11:13,831 Oops. 1302 01:11:14,540 --> 01:11:16,915 Come on. We all miss a putt every now and then. 1303 01:11:16,998 --> 01:11:18,790 Scottie Scheffler. 1304 01:11:19,748 --> 01:11:20,665 Oh, boy. 1305 01:11:20,748 --> 01:11:22,998 2019 Cadillac Invitational. 1306 01:11:23,081 --> 01:11:25,456 Third hole. You're tied. Top of the leaderboard. 1307 01:11:25,540 --> 01:11:28,665 It's Sunday. Pressure's on. And you… 1308 01:11:32,290 --> 01:11:33,581 Hmm. Into the woods. 1309 01:11:34,331 --> 01:11:37,248 The woods, Scottie? Are you afraid to win? 1310 01:11:37,331 --> 01:11:39,373 - What about you? - What? 1311 01:11:39,456 --> 01:11:42,790 Yeah. 1996 Tour Championship. Final round. 1312 01:11:42,873 --> 01:11:43,831 Don't do it, boys. 1313 01:11:43,915 --> 01:11:45,623 No. This isn't relevant. 1314 01:11:45,706 --> 01:11:47,540 Four-stroke lead on the back nine? 1315 01:11:47,623 --> 01:11:49,915 The guy who beat you got hit by a Volkswagen. 1316 01:11:49,998 --> 01:11:50,956 - Jackass! - Jackass! 1317 01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:55,415 All right! Maybe I haven't handled the pressure perfectly myself, 1318 01:11:55,498 --> 01:11:58,415 but I have seen the surgically modified freaks that you're playing. 1319 01:11:58,498 --> 01:12:01,623 I have seen the monstrosity they're making you play on. 1320 01:12:01,706 --> 01:12:07,331 And if you can't take the heat, golf, as we know it, it's finished! 1321 01:12:09,623 --> 01:12:11,206 So let's do this! 1322 01:12:11,290 --> 01:12:12,998 Come on. Let's put them in. 1323 01:12:13,081 --> 01:12:14,081 All right. On three. 1324 01:12:14,165 --> 01:12:15,915 - One, two, three… Shooter! - Golf! 1325 01:12:21,331 --> 01:12:23,540 Time to prepare for a moving target. 1326 01:12:23,623 --> 01:12:24,915 The cups are gonna be moving? 1327 01:12:24,998 --> 01:12:27,331 Damn it, Rory. Nothing's off-limits for these commies. 1328 01:12:27,415 --> 01:12:29,456 - Now, Oscar's cousin… - Esteban. 1329 01:12:29,540 --> 01:12:33,665 Esteban is fast. And elusive, I'm told. 1330 01:12:33,748 --> 01:12:35,248 He's gonna start at the red flag. 1331 01:12:35,331 --> 01:12:38,748 If he makes it to the blue flag, we haven't done our jobs. 1332 01:12:38,831 --> 01:12:40,331 He's cool with us hitting him? 1333 01:12:40,415 --> 01:12:41,498 Yeah. He's been paid. 1334 01:12:41,581 --> 01:12:44,831 What did he say? 1335 01:12:44,915 --> 01:12:46,415 You're never gonna hit him. 1336 01:12:46,498 --> 01:12:47,623 Oh, yeah? How come? 1337 01:12:47,706 --> 01:12:49,540 I'm shifty! 1338 01:12:49,623 --> 01:12:51,915 Okay, he's shifty. He is. I've seen it. 1339 01:12:53,873 --> 01:12:55,790 Get your biscuits in the kitchen 1340 01:12:55,873 --> 01:12:57,331 I'm a sous chef on a mission 1341 01:12:57,415 --> 01:12:59,415 Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious 1342 01:12:59,498 --> 01:13:01,540 We about to break the dishes 1343 01:13:01,623 --> 01:13:03,623 Got the pepper with the sodium 1344 01:13:03,706 --> 01:13:06,706 We cookin' with petroleum Come step up to the podium 1345 01:13:06,790 --> 01:13:07,706 It's too easy! 1346 01:13:07,790 --> 01:13:08,915 And cut up this linoleum 1347 01:13:10,915 --> 01:13:12,165 Yeah! 1348 01:13:12,790 --> 01:13:13,790 You got me! 1349 01:13:14,373 --> 01:13:16,415 Come on, cousin. You're almost there. 1350 01:13:28,623 --> 01:13:30,665 Okay, stop! We got him. We got him. 1351 01:13:33,581 --> 01:13:34,998 I said stop! Who did that? 1352 01:13:38,123 --> 01:13:40,831 Oscar. You sicko. 1353 01:13:41,831 --> 01:13:43,665 - So I got a hockey question for you. - Uh-huh. 1354 01:13:43,748 --> 01:13:45,581 I notice when the players fight, 1355 01:13:45,665 --> 01:13:48,665 one of the guys is always pulling the jersey over the head of the other guy 1356 01:13:48,748 --> 01:13:50,415 - before he starts pounding on him. - Right. 1357 01:13:50,498 --> 01:13:51,456 - Yeah. - Is that hard? 1358 01:13:51,540 --> 01:13:54,456 - No, it's easy. You want me to show you? - Yes, please. 1359 01:13:54,540 --> 01:13:56,581 Brother. Can I borrow you for a second? 1360 01:13:56,665 --> 01:13:58,956 Basically all you do is pull the shirt over. 1361 01:13:59,040 --> 01:14:00,915 This traps the arms. You know? 1362 01:14:00,998 --> 01:14:02,540 - Yeah. - Knockout. Money. 1363 01:14:02,623 --> 01:14:03,790 - You sure? - Yeah. 1364 01:14:03,873 --> 01:14:05,373 Okay. How much? 1365 01:14:05,456 --> 01:14:06,706 Fifty. 1366 01:14:06,790 --> 01:14:09,998 Uh, I'll give you a hundred. Here we go. You know what I mean? 1367 01:14:10,081 --> 01:14:11,123 Yeah. That was nice. 1368 01:14:11,206 --> 01:14:13,831 - Okay. Money. - Okay. You got it, Scottie. I'm broke. 1369 01:14:13,915 --> 01:14:15,498 - Thank you. - There you go. Okay. 1370 01:14:15,581 --> 01:14:17,206 Great job, today, by the way. 1371 01:14:17,290 --> 01:14:19,706 - Excellent. Yeah, it's fun. - Yeah. That was easy. 1372 01:14:19,790 --> 01:14:21,290 I love my job. 1373 01:14:21,373 --> 01:14:26,040 Mini-golf-style putting is about two things, angles and obstacles. 1374 01:14:26,123 --> 01:14:30,040 If you can read the angles, you can avoid the obstacles. 1375 01:14:30,123 --> 01:14:32,998 Let's putt so we can figure those angles out. 1376 01:14:34,081 --> 01:14:35,706 Yes! Scheffler! 1377 01:14:38,331 --> 01:14:40,373 Yeah, you're right. 1378 01:14:40,456 --> 01:14:44,873 One more day before we face these chumps. This is how I used to toughen up. 1379 01:14:52,456 --> 01:14:55,290 Oh, my God, Rory! 1380 01:14:55,373 --> 01:14:57,290 Okay, Oscar, let's see your stuff. 1381 01:15:11,456 --> 01:15:15,456 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1382 01:15:16,248 --> 01:15:19,415 Oh! Do you want breadsticks? 1383 01:15:24,165 --> 01:15:26,748 A batting cage to toughen up? 1384 01:15:26,831 --> 01:15:29,290 I love how much we're in your head. 1385 01:15:29,373 --> 01:15:31,415 Oh, I think we're in your head, Brendan. 1386 01:15:31,498 --> 01:15:34,248 Otherwise, you wouldn't be snooping around and following us. 1387 01:15:34,331 --> 01:15:35,331 My name is Billy. 1388 01:15:35,415 --> 01:15:36,623 Hey, settle down, Barry, 1389 01:15:36,706 --> 01:15:38,915 and get off the electric Royce. No leaning. 1390 01:15:39,623 --> 01:15:42,748 Look, Happy, I don't want to have to humiliate you tomorrow. 1391 01:15:43,873 --> 01:15:45,873 You're in the DNA of my league. 1392 01:15:45,956 --> 01:15:48,081 The way you rebelled against the traditions 1393 01:15:48,165 --> 01:15:50,331 and fussiness of golf, it was beautiful. 1394 01:15:50,415 --> 01:15:53,040 So I'm gonna offer you one last chance to be a part of it, okay? 1395 01:15:53,123 --> 01:15:53,956 Hell no. 1396 01:15:54,040 --> 01:15:57,415 And you look like Freddy Krueger worked at Starbucks. Change it. 1397 01:15:58,081 --> 01:15:59,623 I'll give you 10% of the company. 1398 01:16:01,873 --> 01:16:04,998 I can't believe I'm the one sticking up for tradition, but… 1399 01:16:05,081 --> 01:16:08,873 My wife liked the way golf was played, as is. 1400 01:16:08,956 --> 01:16:11,290 And she was pretty much right about everything. 1401 01:16:11,873 --> 01:16:15,831 So sorry, boys, but tomorrow, your dumb league is done. 1402 01:16:15,915 --> 01:16:18,831 No, tomorrow, I'm gonna finish the revolution you started. 1403 01:16:18,915 --> 01:16:21,040 I heard what you said about my breath to Bubba Watson. 1404 01:16:21,123 --> 01:16:23,706 I have gingivitis. It's hereditary, okay? 1405 01:16:23,790 --> 01:16:27,206 And I got it from my great-grandfather. So I'm so sorry. 1406 01:16:27,290 --> 01:16:29,623 I'm literally smelling it from here. 1407 01:16:29,706 --> 01:16:31,415 And the wind is blowing that way. 1408 01:16:31,498 --> 01:16:34,165 Something has to change in your life. I'm telling you. 1409 01:16:55,373 --> 01:16:56,373 Okay. 1410 01:16:57,498 --> 01:16:58,915 Come here. Bring it in. 1411 01:16:58,998 --> 01:17:01,873 I just wanted to say thank you guys for always getting me back on track. 1412 01:17:01,956 --> 01:17:03,331 - I love you. - Love you. 1413 01:17:03,415 --> 01:17:06,790 This ain't about Vivi going to dance school. It's about saving golf? 1414 01:17:06,873 --> 01:17:08,290 Maybe we can do both, 1415 01:17:08,373 --> 01:17:10,415 but we will figure that out, I promise. 1416 01:17:10,498 --> 01:17:12,790 Because we're Gilmores, and we don't know how to stop. 1417 01:17:12,873 --> 01:17:14,540 Hell yeah, Pop, let's go! 1418 01:17:14,623 --> 01:17:16,915 And don't forget to feed John Daly three times a day. 1419 01:17:16,998 --> 01:17:17,831 - Okay. - Got it. 1420 01:17:17,915 --> 01:17:19,456 - Love you guys. - You heard him. 1421 01:17:19,540 --> 01:17:20,790 Let's do this for Mom. 1422 01:17:20,873 --> 01:17:22,331 - For Mom! - For Mommy. 1423 01:17:23,081 --> 01:17:24,540 - You got this. - That's right. 1424 01:17:25,123 --> 01:17:26,790 That's right. She deserves it. 1425 01:17:26,873 --> 01:17:29,081 Go get 'em, Dad. 1426 01:17:29,165 --> 01:17:30,081 Pop… 1427 01:17:30,998 --> 01:17:31,998 - All right. - Yeah! 1428 01:17:32,081 --> 01:17:33,498 - What's going on? - Let's go. 1429 01:17:33,581 --> 01:17:34,873 - Go Dad, you got this. - Go Daddy! 1430 01:17:34,956 --> 01:17:36,623 - What's going on? - Stupid. 1431 01:17:37,331 --> 01:17:39,581 - Damn it. - Are you kidding me? 1432 01:17:47,123 --> 01:17:48,290 What are you doing? 1433 01:17:48,373 --> 01:17:49,540 What's with this guy? 1434 01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,206 What you doing hitting my dad's car? 1435 01:17:51,290 --> 01:17:53,248 This is a family affair, bro! 1436 01:17:53,331 --> 01:17:56,623 Take him down, boys! Let's go! 1437 01:17:56,706 --> 01:17:59,206 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - What's he doing? 1438 01:17:59,290 --> 01:18:00,665 Get him! 1439 01:18:00,748 --> 01:18:01,956 Chase him! That's right! 1440 01:18:02,040 --> 01:18:03,998 - Where you going? - Get him! 1441 01:18:04,081 --> 01:18:05,498 What the hell is happening? 1442 01:18:09,123 --> 01:18:12,415 Welcome to an event unique in the annals of sport. 1443 01:18:13,123 --> 01:18:16,706 A one-time showdown between golf's greatest players 1444 01:18:17,290 --> 01:18:20,831 and the wild upstarts who seek to supplant them. 1445 01:18:20,915 --> 01:18:22,623 Let's get it on. 1446 01:18:22,706 --> 01:18:25,540 Welcome to the Maxi Tour Challenge. 1447 01:18:25,623 --> 01:18:29,165 I'm Verne Lundquist, along with my partner, Jack Beard, 1448 01:18:29,248 --> 01:18:32,831 and my new partner, DJ Omar Gosh. 1449 01:18:32,915 --> 01:18:35,248 Truly bitching to be here, Verne. 1450 01:18:37,915 --> 01:18:39,915 Ladies and gentlemen of planet Earth! 1451 01:18:41,373 --> 01:18:44,873 Are you prepared to have your minds blown? 1452 01:18:47,998 --> 01:18:51,831 I'm tippy-toeing. I said I'm tip— Thank you. 1453 01:18:51,915 --> 01:18:56,498 I said are you guys ready to see some golf so exciting your heads will explode? 1454 01:18:56,581 --> 01:18:57,665 Whoo! 1455 01:18:58,456 --> 01:19:00,998 Here are the Maxi Golfers! 1456 01:19:01,081 --> 01:19:03,040 Go Harley! 1457 01:19:03,123 --> 01:19:04,915 We've got Harley… 1458 01:19:05,873 --> 01:19:06,915 Flex! 1459 01:19:07,956 --> 01:19:08,956 Screech! 1460 01:19:09,623 --> 01:19:10,915 8 Ball! 1461 01:19:11,540 --> 01:19:15,081 And Tour Champion Billy Jenkins! 1462 01:19:27,665 --> 01:19:29,956 And now let's welcome their opponents, 1463 01:19:30,040 --> 01:19:32,998 the Basic Vanilla Regular Golfers. 1464 01:19:33,081 --> 01:19:35,456 Boo! 1465 01:19:38,540 --> 01:19:39,915 Goodbye to you 1466 01:19:41,540 --> 01:19:42,915 Goodbye to you 1467 01:19:42,998 --> 01:19:45,081 Holy shit! Is that Shooter McGavin? 1468 01:19:45,665 --> 01:19:47,040 Look who decided to show. 1469 01:19:47,123 --> 01:19:48,998 You never finished your pancakes, by the way. 1470 01:19:49,081 --> 01:19:50,790 You want coffee in your other eye? 1471 01:19:50,873 --> 01:19:54,331 Ha! Get a furlough from the Funny Farm, Shitter? 1472 01:19:54,415 --> 01:19:56,831 - Laugh it up Blue Balls. - It's 8 Ball! 1473 01:19:56,915 --> 01:19:59,456 Your name's Davis Miller. You're my brother's college roommate. 1474 01:19:59,540 --> 01:20:02,540 It's 8 Ball now! Tell him I said what's up. 1475 01:20:02,623 --> 01:20:05,456 You guys get these clothes from the Lost and Found at Comic-Con? 1476 01:20:05,540 --> 01:20:07,956 Did you get these melons from your mommy? Yeah? 1477 01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,873 Don't twist my boy's titties! Those are mine! 1478 01:20:09,956 --> 01:20:13,540 Hey, I'll twist your head off, slap-nuts! 1479 01:20:13,623 --> 01:20:15,956 Break it up! All right, knock it off! 1480 01:20:16,040 --> 01:20:18,665 Golfers, we have a seven-hole course. 1481 01:20:18,748 --> 01:20:22,040 First up, Mr. Scheffler going up against Mr. Harley. 1482 01:20:22,123 --> 01:20:25,831 Ladies and gentlemen, let's play some Maxi Golf! 1483 01:20:27,623 --> 01:20:31,331 - Let's drink up! Come on, let's go! - Yeah! All right! Whoo! 1484 01:20:31,415 --> 01:20:32,665 - Here. - No, I'm good. 1485 01:20:34,540 --> 01:20:35,831 - You got your own. - Mmm. 1486 01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:37,373 - I want to try that. - Mmm-mmm. 1487 01:20:38,081 --> 01:20:41,331 And so it begins, hole number one. 1488 01:20:41,415 --> 01:20:43,956 Best of five matches, so we only gotta win three of them today. 1489 01:20:44,040 --> 01:20:45,831 I say we sweep these goofy bitches. 1490 01:20:45,915 --> 01:20:47,331 - That's a good idea. - Yeah. 1491 01:20:50,873 --> 01:20:54,040 The fairway's a forest? I don't even know where to lay up. 1492 01:20:54,123 --> 01:20:56,290 Or you don't lay-up, 1493 01:20:56,373 --> 01:20:59,873 and you crush the ball 500 yards over the trees. 1494 01:21:09,540 --> 01:21:10,581 Whoa. 1495 01:21:16,040 --> 01:21:19,331 And Harley clears the entire forest. 1496 01:21:21,498 --> 01:21:24,373 You ain't number one on this tour, chump. 1497 01:21:25,498 --> 01:21:27,165 You smell like my stepfather. 1498 01:21:28,581 --> 01:21:31,373 Let's go, Scottie. Come on, now. Let's shake that off. 1499 01:21:31,456 --> 01:21:32,915 You the man, Scottie! 1500 01:21:33,581 --> 01:21:35,248 Miss it! Miss it! 1501 01:21:44,623 --> 01:21:46,290 Quite An impressive right cross, 1502 01:21:46,373 --> 01:21:49,581 but Scottie Scheffler is going to be disqualified 1503 01:21:49,665 --> 01:21:51,748 before ever swinging a club. 1504 01:21:51,831 --> 01:21:54,456 Whoo! That was some gangster shit. 1505 01:21:54,540 --> 01:21:57,040 Gangster shit indeed. 1506 01:21:57,123 --> 01:21:58,290 There goes the sweep. 1507 01:21:58,373 --> 01:21:59,373 Yeah. 1508 01:22:00,831 --> 01:22:02,706 Oh, no, not again. 1509 01:22:02,790 --> 01:22:04,790 - Come on. - I know the drill. 1510 01:22:05,706 --> 01:22:07,540 - Bye-bye! - Sorry, boys. 1511 01:22:07,623 --> 01:22:09,956 We'll take care of business, all right? 1512 01:22:10,040 --> 01:22:13,081 Next on the tee, Rory Mcllroy and Screech. 1513 01:22:17,998 --> 01:22:18,956 Screech? 1514 01:22:19,040 --> 01:22:20,040 They call me Screech 1515 01:22:20,123 --> 01:22:23,956 'cause that's the sound my chainsaw makes every time I tear up a golf course. 1516 01:22:24,040 --> 01:22:26,123 Isn't Screech a character in Saved by the Bell? 1517 01:22:27,331 --> 01:22:28,873 I'm not familiar with that program. 1518 01:22:28,956 --> 01:22:31,165 He was like the comic relief on the show. 1519 01:22:31,248 --> 01:22:33,040 Yeah, like the white Urkel. 1520 01:22:33,123 --> 01:22:34,915 Nobody cares about that '90s shit! 1521 01:22:35,831 --> 01:22:36,748 Those guys do. 1522 01:22:36,831 --> 01:22:37,873 I love you, Screech! 1523 01:22:41,831 --> 01:22:43,706 Let's just play Maxi Golf, all right? 1524 01:22:46,998 --> 01:22:50,373 The rest of the Maxi team has no problem clearing the trees. 1525 01:22:54,581 --> 01:22:56,831 The regular golfers, not so much. 1526 01:22:57,540 --> 01:23:00,165 Go, go! 1527 01:23:00,248 --> 01:23:01,706 Hold on! I'm speeding! 1528 01:23:04,873 --> 01:23:06,831 - There it is! Right there! - Yeah, okay. 1529 01:23:08,206 --> 01:23:10,040 Oh, my God. There goes the 8. 1530 01:23:12,706 --> 01:23:13,665 Shut up! 1531 01:23:15,790 --> 01:23:18,165 Here we go! To the right! Whoo! 1532 01:23:20,498 --> 01:23:22,123 Yeah! 1533 01:23:22,206 --> 01:23:24,081 Looking a little tired, Bry-Bry. 1534 01:23:24,165 --> 01:23:26,206 You're looking like you wanna go for a swim, Davis. 1535 01:23:26,290 --> 01:23:28,956 This is the new golf, Bryson, and it's 8 Ball! 1536 01:23:37,165 --> 01:23:38,248 Where's my ball? 1537 01:23:38,331 --> 01:23:39,873 Bad shot, Happy. 1538 01:23:39,956 --> 01:23:42,956 This'll make you feel better. How about you take just a sip? 1539 01:23:49,248 --> 01:23:52,373 Wow. 1540 01:23:52,456 --> 01:23:56,206 We're doing a breath contest? Yeah, I'd walk away too, pal. 1541 01:23:56,290 --> 01:23:58,790 Mcllroy's tee shot landed in the right bunker, 1542 01:23:58,873 --> 01:24:02,123 which, like much of this hole, appears to be on fire. 1543 01:24:05,748 --> 01:24:06,831 Screech! 1544 01:24:13,331 --> 01:24:14,498 Yeah! 1545 01:24:15,998 --> 01:24:17,706 Viva regular golf! 1546 01:24:19,248 --> 01:24:21,415 Hey, man. I'm gonna change the channel. 1547 01:24:21,498 --> 01:24:24,040 Frankie, sit your ass down. We're watching golf. 1548 01:24:24,748 --> 01:24:26,206 All right. I'm sorry. 1549 01:24:28,415 --> 01:24:29,915 Get in the hole. 1550 01:24:32,623 --> 01:24:36,456 Oh! Wow! 1551 01:24:37,873 --> 01:24:40,998 That's what I'm talking about, baby. 1552 01:24:41,081 --> 01:24:43,498 God damn it, I just washed that. 1553 01:24:43,581 --> 01:24:46,415 It seems like nothing is gonna slow Gilmore down. 1554 01:24:46,498 --> 01:24:49,290 All right. See you try and beat this one, Happy. 1555 01:24:52,706 --> 01:24:54,123 Let's go, Gilmore! 1556 01:24:55,873 --> 01:24:57,456 - You jackass. - What the… 1557 01:24:58,081 --> 01:24:59,415 Oh! 1558 01:24:59,498 --> 01:25:02,581 Are you kidding me right now? You just cost me the hole, dude! 1559 01:25:02,665 --> 01:25:05,790 Happy Gilmore. 1560 01:25:05,873 --> 01:25:07,998 Man, I wish my father was here to see this. 1561 01:25:08,081 --> 01:25:09,165 Ya jackass. 1562 01:25:09,248 --> 01:25:10,206 Jackass. 1563 01:25:10,290 --> 01:25:11,748 - Jackass! - There he is. 1564 01:25:11,831 --> 01:25:15,831 Unfortunately… …he's in the great Sizzler in the sky. 1565 01:25:15,915 --> 01:25:18,040 Know what? I don't miss that dude at all. 1566 01:25:18,123 --> 01:25:19,915 What are you gonna do, Happy boy? 1567 01:25:19,998 --> 01:25:23,123 Unless you wanna go to jail, you can't hit me. Jackass. 1568 01:25:23,206 --> 01:25:24,748 Oh, my goodness! 1569 01:25:24,831 --> 01:25:27,165 Yeah… but we can. 1570 01:25:27,248 --> 01:25:28,165 You guys came? 1571 01:25:28,248 --> 01:25:29,748 This your posse? 1572 01:25:29,831 --> 01:25:31,665 - This is what I do. - Okay, let's see. 1573 01:25:31,748 --> 01:25:33,790 There's only four of you? Better go get some help! 1574 01:25:34,498 --> 01:25:36,540 Okay. Okay. 1575 01:25:36,623 --> 01:25:39,540 - Come on! Get him up, boys! - I know a lot about fighting. 1576 01:25:39,623 --> 01:25:42,748 I'll bite your leg off. You want some smoke? 1577 01:25:44,623 --> 01:25:47,706 This ain't nothing. Now you got me really pissed. 1578 01:25:47,790 --> 01:25:49,956 Oh, what is this? You want some of this? 1579 01:25:50,040 --> 01:25:51,248 Look at the gators! 1580 01:25:51,331 --> 01:25:53,998 You brought the whole family. 1581 01:25:54,081 --> 01:25:55,248 Oh, my dick! 1582 01:25:55,331 --> 01:25:57,456 Oh! Whoa! Detroit! 1583 01:25:58,915 --> 01:26:00,623 I just don't give a— 1584 01:26:04,415 --> 01:26:06,331 Put some respect on my name, bitch. 1585 01:26:06,415 --> 01:26:09,915 - What is he doing to those gators? - Jackass! 1586 01:26:10,790 --> 01:26:13,831 Well, it looks like we have our first fatality. 1587 01:26:14,706 --> 01:26:16,081 Whoo! 1588 01:26:16,165 --> 01:26:17,665 If you can believe it, 1589 01:26:17,748 --> 01:26:20,206 the Maxi Golfers are up two matches to one, 1590 01:26:20,290 --> 01:26:21,873 which means Koepka and Gilmore 1591 01:26:21,956 --> 01:26:25,790 are going to have to win out in order to defeat the Maxi team. 1592 01:26:25,873 --> 01:26:28,081 All right there, Flex! Come on, Flex! 1593 01:26:29,290 --> 01:26:31,165 Boom! 1594 01:26:35,331 --> 01:26:36,956 - Nice shot, hottie! - Ooh! 1595 01:26:37,040 --> 01:26:39,123 No pressure, Boobs Getchya. 1596 01:26:39,206 --> 01:26:41,498 Next on the tee, Brooks Koepka. 1597 01:26:41,581 --> 01:26:45,498 To me, the smartest play is to come up short of the icy green 1598 01:26:45,581 --> 01:26:48,165 and give yourself a chance to chip it in. 1599 01:26:55,456 --> 01:26:57,373 Yes! Oh, God! 1600 01:26:58,623 --> 01:27:00,581 Sorry, guys. I knew I shouldn't have fist-pumped. 1601 01:27:00,665 --> 01:27:02,040 Sucks for you guys. 1602 01:27:02,123 --> 01:27:04,956 Another disqualification. Game over. 1603 01:27:05,040 --> 01:27:09,456 No, wait. In the event of an injury, we have the right to substitute. 1604 01:27:09,540 --> 01:27:10,665 All right, fine. Fine. 1605 01:27:11,540 --> 01:27:12,623 Who you guys got? 1606 01:27:12,706 --> 01:27:14,373 The one and only. 1607 01:27:19,790 --> 01:27:20,790 What's that now? 1608 01:27:21,956 --> 01:27:24,706 And a wild day just got a bit wilder. 1609 01:27:24,790 --> 01:27:27,498 Shooter McGavin will take over for Brooks Koepka 1610 01:27:27,581 --> 01:27:30,706 here on the sixth hole and the putt from Flex. 1611 01:27:33,581 --> 01:27:35,540 Oh, it's off course. 1612 01:27:35,623 --> 01:27:38,456 I think I see an opening. 1613 01:27:38,540 --> 01:27:41,165 Let's go, Scooter! Clock's a-tickin'! 1614 01:27:41,248 --> 01:27:43,498 This is a joke. I'm not a competitive golfer anymore. 1615 01:27:43,581 --> 01:27:46,123 What are you talking about? You still got the shooter in you. 1616 01:27:46,206 --> 01:27:47,706 That guy's long gone, Gilmore. 1617 01:27:47,790 --> 01:27:50,748 No. He's sleeping. It's time to wake him up. 1618 01:27:50,831 --> 01:27:53,248 Look at these punks. The B-lists. 1619 01:27:53,331 --> 01:27:55,665 - Never won shit on the real tour. - Yeah. 1620 01:27:55,748 --> 01:27:57,581 And now they're laughing at Shooter McGavin, 1621 01:27:57,665 --> 01:28:01,206 the greatest golfer of the '90s, except for me and Tiger? 1622 01:28:01,873 --> 01:28:05,956 How dare they? How dare they disrespect you? 1623 01:28:06,040 --> 01:28:07,290 Where should they go? 1624 01:28:08,081 --> 01:28:10,206 - Back. - Back where? 1625 01:28:10,290 --> 01:28:12,498 - Back to… - To their what? 1626 01:28:12,581 --> 01:28:14,831 - To their shanties. - Aha! 1627 01:28:14,915 --> 01:28:16,790 Because this is whose tour? 1628 01:28:16,873 --> 01:28:18,456 It's Shooter's, Shooter's tour. 1629 01:28:18,540 --> 01:28:20,290 - Whose tour? - It's Shooter's tour! 1630 01:28:20,373 --> 01:28:23,915 - Whose tour? - It's Shooter's tour, baby! 1631 01:28:25,123 --> 01:28:26,373 Yeah! 1632 01:28:26,456 --> 01:28:28,456 He's got the old pistols back again. 1633 01:28:28,540 --> 01:28:31,290 - Give the man his lob wedge. - Oh, I'm feeling it now. 1634 01:28:33,123 --> 01:28:34,831 No pressure. No pressure. 1635 01:28:34,915 --> 01:28:38,040 You're not gonna make it, Shooter. Tick tock. 1636 01:28:40,123 --> 01:28:42,581 - Five, four… - No! 1637 01:28:44,040 --> 01:28:47,915 …three, two, one! 1638 01:28:47,998 --> 01:28:50,998 You've got to be kidding me! 1639 01:28:52,665 --> 01:28:53,623 Oh, my God! 1640 01:28:53,706 --> 01:28:55,790 Well, how do you do? 1641 01:28:55,873 --> 01:29:00,540 Shooter McGavin jars the cup, wins the hole and his match. 1642 01:29:00,623 --> 01:29:02,498 Shooter! Shooter! 1643 01:29:02,581 --> 01:29:05,040 Come on now! Choke on that! 1644 01:29:05,123 --> 01:29:08,790 That leaves us tied with only Billy Jenkins 1645 01:29:08,873 --> 01:29:11,956 and Happy Gilmore left to be decided. 1646 01:29:13,748 --> 01:29:17,373 And it's come down to this. The final hole. 1647 01:29:17,456 --> 01:29:20,123 Winner take all. The shot clocks are off. 1648 01:29:20,206 --> 01:29:22,081 The pressure is on. 1649 01:29:22,165 --> 01:29:25,831 The future of regular golf hangs in the balance. 1650 01:29:25,915 --> 01:29:29,040 Thousand-yard par four. That's a little long. 1651 01:29:29,123 --> 01:29:30,581 Not for me, big man. 1652 01:29:32,748 --> 01:29:34,498 Yeah. Check this out. 1653 01:29:42,373 --> 01:29:43,581 Hello? 1654 01:29:43,665 --> 01:29:47,165 Woo-woo! 1655 01:29:53,665 --> 01:29:56,498 Whoa! 1656 01:29:56,581 --> 01:30:01,165 That is the longest drive I have ever seen. 1657 01:30:01,248 --> 01:30:04,581 Hey, you remember my name now? Bitch. 1658 01:30:05,998 --> 01:30:08,081 I'd like to forget ever seeing that hip thing. 1659 01:30:08,165 --> 01:30:09,331 That was disgusting. 1660 01:30:09,415 --> 01:30:11,581 Jenkins can be on the green in two, 1661 01:30:11,665 --> 01:30:16,040 while Gilmore has no hope of getting on in less than three strokes. 1662 01:30:16,123 --> 01:30:17,623 Verne, that sucks. 1663 01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:22,623 Okay to use that hate one last time, Slim? 1664 01:30:22,706 --> 01:30:24,748 Yeah, let it all out. 1665 01:30:31,081 --> 01:30:32,706 Ain't no surgery for that. 1666 01:30:36,040 --> 01:30:37,790 Come on, Happy, let's go. 1667 01:30:39,706 --> 01:30:43,706 You never made the Bruins because you suck at skating. 1668 01:30:43,790 --> 01:30:46,165 You shut your stupid face. 1669 01:30:46,248 --> 01:30:47,415 Who's he talking to? 1670 01:30:47,498 --> 01:30:50,165 Oh! And your daughter's never going to ballet school 1671 01:30:50,248 --> 01:30:52,331 because her dad's a washed up drunk. 1672 01:30:52,415 --> 01:30:54,248 I'm gonna kill you! 1673 01:30:58,540 --> 01:30:59,623 Uh-oh. 1674 01:31:23,331 --> 01:31:25,873 Somebody went further. 1675 01:31:25,956 --> 01:31:27,456 Yeah… 1676 01:31:27,540 --> 01:31:30,540 Bitch! 1677 01:31:34,498 --> 01:31:36,123 Jenkins is first to hit. 1678 01:31:42,790 --> 01:31:44,206 Yes! 1679 01:31:45,956 --> 01:31:49,956 Oh, and by the way, all four of your boys are dumb! 1680 01:31:50,040 --> 01:31:51,540 What did you say? 1681 01:31:52,623 --> 01:31:56,498 - Ow! Ooh! - Aw. 1682 01:31:56,581 --> 01:31:58,123 Yeah! 1683 01:31:58,706 --> 01:32:01,623 I can't believe there's taxis without drivers, 1684 01:32:01,706 --> 01:32:07,040 AI girlfriends, and now, quite possibly, the end of traditional golf. 1685 01:32:12,290 --> 01:32:13,290 I'll go first. 1686 01:32:13,373 --> 01:32:16,081 Give you a chance to think about how you're going to play that. 1687 01:32:17,415 --> 01:32:19,123 - Whoa! - Whoa! 1688 01:32:20,415 --> 01:32:23,415 Billy Jenkins, you stepped on it and stepped in it. 1689 01:32:23,498 --> 01:32:25,456 Shut up, Edward Woodenhand. 1690 01:32:25,540 --> 01:32:28,956 Screw you, Cabbage Patch Kid. 1691 01:32:37,123 --> 01:32:38,706 Take your time. 1692 01:32:38,790 --> 01:32:40,498 Go get my lob wedge. Wait. 1693 01:32:43,331 --> 01:32:44,498 Go stand right there. 1694 01:32:52,873 --> 01:32:53,873 Okay. 1695 01:32:55,206 --> 01:32:56,748 Right in the back of the cup. 1696 01:32:59,581 --> 01:33:03,123 - No, don't get off! God! - Oh! 1697 01:33:03,206 --> 01:33:04,373 - Vecsey! - What? 1698 01:33:04,456 --> 01:33:05,790 God damn it. 1699 01:33:06,415 --> 01:33:08,331 Excuse me. Know what? You're fired. 1700 01:33:08,415 --> 01:33:09,581 Makes sense. 1701 01:33:09,665 --> 01:33:12,540 Will you quit messing this up and make this? Come on. 1702 01:33:12,623 --> 01:33:14,248 I'm trying, sir. 1703 01:33:14,331 --> 01:33:15,873 Just get it on the right line. 1704 01:33:15,956 --> 01:33:17,581 Coming right up, sir. 1705 01:33:27,915 --> 01:33:32,415 And Billy Jenkins is in for four. 1706 01:33:32,498 --> 01:33:34,206 - Yeah! - Choke on that one, Happy! 1707 01:33:34,873 --> 01:33:39,290 Gilmore has only two shots left to even tie this thing. 1708 01:33:39,373 --> 01:33:43,665 I'm not even playing and my palms are sweaty. Mom's spaghetti. 1709 01:33:44,373 --> 01:33:46,290 I can't get a damn swing off here. 1710 01:33:46,373 --> 01:33:48,581 You got any ideas? We're in trouble, dude. 1711 01:33:48,665 --> 01:33:51,706 Hmm. I say ricochet that shit. 1712 01:33:53,248 --> 01:33:54,540 Yeah, that's a good idea. 1713 01:34:02,165 --> 01:34:04,706 Amazing! 1714 01:34:04,790 --> 01:34:05,748 Did it go in? 1715 01:34:05,831 --> 01:34:07,290 Not that amazing. 1716 01:34:08,956 --> 01:34:10,331 You nervous? 1717 01:34:10,415 --> 01:34:13,540 No, just… Can I use your mailbox? 1718 01:34:13,623 --> 01:34:15,331 The question now is, 1719 01:34:15,415 --> 01:34:17,998 how do you hit on a green you can't stand on? 1720 01:34:18,873 --> 01:34:19,790 What do I do? 1721 01:34:20,498 --> 01:34:21,956 Here we go, Dad! 1722 01:34:22,040 --> 01:34:24,081 - Dad, let's go! - Let's go! All you! 1723 01:34:24,165 --> 01:34:25,665 - Right now! - All right. 1724 01:34:25,748 --> 01:34:26,790 What's the plan? 1725 01:34:27,540 --> 01:34:28,790 How about this? 1726 01:34:28,873 --> 01:34:30,873 Go to the other side directly across from me. 1727 01:34:30,956 --> 01:34:32,415 - Yes, sir. - Okay. 1728 01:34:32,498 --> 01:34:34,623 - Oscar. Hey. - Yeah, go! 1729 01:34:34,706 --> 01:34:36,915 Oh, God, I can't bear to watch. 1730 01:34:36,998 --> 01:34:39,373 Oscar, how much do you weigh? 1731 01:34:40,123 --> 01:34:41,498 170. 1732 01:34:42,373 --> 01:34:43,873 Pick up the bag, please. 1733 01:34:45,248 --> 01:34:47,040 Actually, take two clubs out. 1734 01:34:47,123 --> 01:34:49,498 Two clubs. Two. Two clubs. 1735 01:34:49,581 --> 01:34:51,665 Okay. Pick the bag up again. 1736 01:34:52,706 --> 01:34:55,540 And on the count of three, we're stepping on the green. 1737 01:34:55,623 --> 01:34:57,665 - Okay. - Are you ready? 1738 01:34:57,748 --> 01:35:03,206 And one, two… three! 1739 01:35:04,248 --> 01:35:05,415 Whoa, oh— Hey… 1740 01:35:06,540 --> 01:35:09,373 That's it. That's it. Okay, we're gonna hop forward. 1741 01:35:09,456 --> 01:35:12,498 One. Two. Three. 1742 01:35:12,581 --> 01:35:15,290 Ooh. 1743 01:35:17,331 --> 01:35:18,456 Okay. 1744 01:35:20,123 --> 01:35:21,290 Now to the left. 1745 01:35:22,040 --> 01:35:24,206 One, two, three. 1746 01:35:25,415 --> 01:35:26,873 That's it. 1747 01:35:26,956 --> 01:35:30,456 Now we're gonna go sideways… Two, three. 1748 01:35:33,206 --> 01:35:36,040 Ooh, Oscar… Nice work. 1749 01:35:36,123 --> 01:35:37,623 Check this out. 1750 01:35:38,206 --> 01:35:39,165 Whoa! 1751 01:35:40,581 --> 01:35:42,665 - What's happening? - What the… 1752 01:35:42,748 --> 01:35:46,415 Sorry, Happy, I had to. We don't do tiebreakers at Maxi. 1753 01:35:46,498 --> 01:35:48,206 How about we raise the stakes? 1754 01:35:48,290 --> 01:35:50,581 I end this whole project if you sink this putt. 1755 01:35:50,665 --> 01:35:51,998 And if I miss? 1756 01:35:52,081 --> 01:35:54,123 It's simple. You join Maxi League. 1757 01:35:59,831 --> 01:36:01,373 How about this? 1758 01:36:01,456 --> 01:36:03,165 You pay for my daughter's dance school, 1759 01:36:03,248 --> 01:36:04,665 buy me my grandma's house back, 1760 01:36:04,748 --> 01:36:06,665 plus I get your Rolls-Royce, 1761 01:36:07,415 --> 01:36:10,165 plus you gotta buy Oscar his own restaurant. 1762 01:36:11,081 --> 01:36:12,873 What kind of restaurant are we talking here? 1763 01:36:12,956 --> 01:36:14,498 What kind of food, Oscar? 1764 01:36:14,581 --> 01:36:16,956 Sushi. No, no, no. Italian. 1765 01:36:17,040 --> 01:36:18,915 Fine. You're on. 1766 01:36:18,998 --> 01:36:21,915 You heard it. There'll be no playoff today. 1767 01:36:22,998 --> 01:36:24,165 Oscar, I have bad news. 1768 01:36:25,456 --> 01:36:27,373 I'm holding a sand wedge. I need a putter. 1769 01:36:29,040 --> 01:36:31,206 Just take it slowly out of the bag. 1770 01:36:32,540 --> 01:36:36,498 That's it. That's it. Take the sock off. 1771 01:36:36,581 --> 01:36:39,540 Okay, so we're gonna throw it to each other on the count of three. 1772 01:36:39,623 --> 01:36:40,915 - Okay. - We can do this. 1773 01:36:42,206 --> 01:36:45,331 One, two, three. 1774 01:36:46,081 --> 01:36:49,790 - Oh! - Okay. I caught my own club. 1775 01:36:50,748 --> 01:36:52,748 Physics is a bitch, isn't it? 1776 01:36:53,581 --> 01:36:55,040 Here's what we're gonna do. 1777 01:36:55,123 --> 01:36:57,498 We're gonna throw it straight up in the sky. 1778 01:36:57,581 --> 01:36:58,623 Let's do this. 1779 01:36:58,706 --> 01:37:00,498 Do not get sick, Oscar. 1780 01:37:00,581 --> 01:37:05,748 - Okay. One, two, three. - One, two… 1781 01:37:10,331 --> 01:37:11,206 Yes! 1782 01:37:11,290 --> 01:37:13,873 Let's go! Let's go, Hap! 1783 01:37:13,956 --> 01:37:16,748 High five. High… 1784 01:37:18,123 --> 01:37:21,706 Hey, Gilmore can do this. I've seen it. I lived it. 1785 01:37:22,498 --> 01:37:25,748 Wow. Cool. How bout we take this to the Maxi? 1786 01:37:29,748 --> 01:37:31,331 He's gonna fly off. 1787 01:37:31,415 --> 01:37:33,873 - …spot, focus on the spot. - You got it. Focus. 1788 01:37:35,040 --> 01:37:36,206 Oh, no. 1789 01:37:36,290 --> 01:37:38,123 Hang in there, Oscar, please. 1790 01:37:43,040 --> 01:37:45,665 Come on, Dad. You got it. 1791 01:37:45,748 --> 01:37:47,373 Dad! 1792 01:37:51,581 --> 01:37:53,498 Come on, Dad! 1793 01:37:56,165 --> 01:37:59,081 I love you so much! 1794 01:38:04,915 --> 01:38:09,748 Do it like my daddy taught you. Tap it. Tap it in. 1795 01:38:19,373 --> 01:38:21,081 It's got a chance. 1796 01:38:22,206 --> 01:38:24,123 - Go. - Go. 1797 01:38:24,206 --> 01:38:25,748 Come on, Happy. 1798 01:38:25,831 --> 01:38:28,081 - Come on, come on… - Come on, come on, come on… 1799 01:38:33,456 --> 01:38:37,456 - Get there! - Oh! 1800 01:38:37,540 --> 01:38:39,623 Oh, no! 1801 01:38:40,831 --> 01:38:44,498 Yes! Welcome to Maxi, Happy. Whoo! 1802 01:38:53,123 --> 01:38:58,165 Oh, my God! Happy Gilmore has won! 1803 01:38:59,040 --> 01:39:02,248 And regular golf will live on. 1804 01:39:03,623 --> 01:39:07,165 - I'm 8 Ball! I'm 8 Ball! - No! That doesn't happen! 1805 01:39:07,248 --> 01:39:09,206 You are a piece of shit, you know that? 1806 01:39:09,290 --> 01:39:10,706 I did everything I could… 1807 01:39:10,790 --> 01:39:14,165 Oscar! We did it, Oscar! 1808 01:39:18,290 --> 01:39:20,706 Papi, papi. Wake up. 1809 01:39:21,373 --> 01:39:22,498 - Good job! - Did we win? 1810 01:39:25,206 --> 01:39:26,581 - Yes! - All right! 1811 01:39:26,665 --> 01:39:27,706 Happy, yes! 1812 01:39:27,790 --> 01:39:29,456 Yeah, yeah! 1813 01:39:29,540 --> 01:39:30,540 Stop. 1814 01:39:33,956 --> 01:39:37,998 Your training paid off. You did it. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. 1815 01:39:38,081 --> 01:39:39,165 - Yes! - Yes! 1816 01:39:41,081 --> 01:39:43,081 What a great win. Let's go to Hooters. 1817 01:39:50,998 --> 01:39:54,456 - Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore! - Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore! 1818 01:39:54,540 --> 01:39:57,665 I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're all free to go. 1819 01:39:57,748 --> 01:40:00,290 Beautiful. 1820 01:40:01,915 --> 01:40:04,873 Unbelievable. Tremendous. 1821 01:40:04,956 --> 01:40:06,581 I understand you have a restaurant. 1822 01:40:06,665 --> 01:40:11,373 We have the best Italian Dominican Puerto Rican Cuban restaurant in the town. 1823 01:40:11,456 --> 01:40:13,290 I love my new job! 1824 01:40:13,373 --> 01:40:16,165 We did it, baby! We did it for Mom! 1825 01:40:25,165 --> 01:40:29,081 Well, I've won a lot of trophies and jackets over the years, 1826 01:40:29,873 --> 01:40:35,331 but out of all of them, I have to say this is by far the most special. 1827 01:40:36,373 --> 01:40:38,706 And I want to thank all my friends out there 1828 01:40:38,790 --> 01:40:42,331 who helped me achieve this monumental moment. 1829 01:40:45,165 --> 01:40:46,415 Three months sober. 1830 01:40:46,998 --> 01:40:49,415 Yay! Way to go, Mr. Gilmore! 1831 01:40:50,331 --> 01:40:52,873 Splendid! Splendid, Mr. Gilmore. 1832 01:40:53,790 --> 01:40:56,540 But will you make it to a year? 1833 01:40:56,623 --> 01:41:01,581 - Magic 8-Ball says… unlikely. - Uh-huh. 1834 01:41:01,665 --> 01:41:05,581 What are you talking about, Hal? Happy's going to make it a full lifetime. 1835 01:41:05,665 --> 01:41:07,373 Know what else is full, Charlotte? 1836 01:41:07,456 --> 01:41:11,081 My gutters. Full of dead leaves and squirrel droppings. 1837 01:41:11,165 --> 01:41:12,956 But you'll be cleaning them out this weekend. 1838 01:41:13,040 --> 01:41:15,165 I don't like the way you talk to that kid. 1839 01:41:15,248 --> 01:41:16,415 It's fine, Mr. Gilmore. 1840 01:41:16,498 --> 01:41:19,790 No, it's not fine. That kid has helped me more than you have, Hal. 1841 01:41:19,873 --> 01:41:21,998 Seriously, Mr. Gilmore, I got this. 1842 01:41:22,081 --> 01:41:24,665 Guys, can we be done here? We've got enough. 1843 01:41:24,748 --> 01:41:27,415 Why are you talking into your collar? Are you high? 1844 01:41:28,831 --> 01:41:30,040 Are you high? 1845 01:41:31,623 --> 01:41:33,081 - Holy— - Whoa! 1846 01:41:33,165 --> 01:41:34,956 Hallowicious Lieberman! 1847 01:41:35,040 --> 01:41:37,040 You're under arrest for fraud and extortion. 1848 01:41:37,123 --> 01:41:39,623 We got enough footage of you being a sick son of a bitch 1849 01:41:39,706 --> 01:41:41,456 to lock you away for a lifetime. 1850 01:41:42,331 --> 01:41:44,040 You narc'd on me? 1851 01:41:44,665 --> 01:41:45,581 Guess so. 1852 01:41:45,665 --> 01:41:48,081 Hey, man, I was just trying to help these people. 1853 01:41:48,165 --> 01:41:51,331 Manual labor's therapeutically beneficial. 1854 01:41:51,415 --> 01:41:52,831 - Hey, Happy. - What? 1855 01:41:52,915 --> 01:41:55,165 - Catch. - Oh! 1856 01:41:56,248 --> 01:41:59,415 - I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's! - He got my coin! 1857 01:41:59,498 --> 01:42:03,623 I got the coin! 1858 01:42:09,748 --> 01:42:11,998 - Oh, shit! Stop! - Stay still! 1859 01:42:13,915 --> 01:42:15,498 You're a very cool kid. 1860 01:42:16,081 --> 01:42:19,373 You're a very cool guy. You remind me of my dad. 1861 01:42:19,456 --> 01:42:20,456 Yeah? 1862 01:42:27,581 --> 01:42:29,290 All right, just have fun in Paris. 1863 01:42:29,373 --> 01:42:31,331 If you get homesick for America, 1864 01:42:31,415 --> 01:42:34,498 I can ship over some Yodels or bottle rockets. 1865 01:42:34,581 --> 01:42:35,790 Whatever you guys want. 1866 01:42:35,873 --> 01:42:38,456 We'll be fine, Dad. And we'll see you next month, right? 1867 01:42:38,540 --> 01:42:39,373 That's right. 1868 01:42:39,456 --> 01:42:42,373 I got the British Open, I'll show up a week early, we'll hang out. 1869 01:42:42,456 --> 01:42:44,831 I want to see some fancy French dancing from this kid. 1870 01:42:44,915 --> 01:42:46,415 Then you can come check out our show. 1871 01:42:46,498 --> 01:42:47,498 What show? 1872 01:42:47,581 --> 01:42:49,081 We're gonna be singing mimes. 1873 01:42:49,165 --> 01:42:50,915 I thought mimes aren't allowed to talk. 1874 01:42:50,998 --> 01:42:54,040 That's how we're gonna separate ourselves from the other mimes, by singing. 1875 01:42:54,123 --> 01:42:55,165 Okay. 1876 01:42:55,248 --> 01:43:00,415 We're trapped in a box! Now we're tugging on a rope! 1877 01:43:01,165 --> 01:43:03,290 Even look at our sister… 1878 01:43:03,373 --> 01:43:05,456 - And we'll kill you! - And we'll crush you! 1879 01:43:05,540 --> 01:43:07,540 - I'll murder you! - Don't you look at her! 1880 01:43:07,623 --> 01:43:10,123 - Smart. I love that! - Nailed it. Really good. 1881 01:43:10,206 --> 01:43:11,665 Come here. Gonna miss you. 1882 01:43:11,748 --> 01:43:14,915 And if you're hungry on the flight, enjoy the bread from Oscar's restaurant. 1883 01:43:14,998 --> 01:43:17,456 Go crush them over there for Mom. Have a ball. 1884 01:43:17,540 --> 01:43:18,373 Love you, Dad. 1885 01:43:18,456 --> 01:43:20,540 - Hey, here you go. - You're the best, guys. 1886 01:43:20,623 --> 01:43:22,581 - Sir, right there. - There you go, buddy. 1887 01:43:22,665 --> 01:43:25,081 Yeah, get him! 1888 01:43:25,165 --> 01:43:26,415 I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 1889 01:43:26,498 --> 01:43:27,706 Come on, Vienna. 1890 01:43:29,623 --> 01:43:31,331 Love you. I'll miss you. 1891 01:43:34,540 --> 01:43:40,248 Tuesday's gone with the wind 1892 01:43:45,206 --> 01:43:46,748 Hey, Happy. 1893 01:43:53,706 --> 01:43:58,623 Tuesday's gone with the wind 1894 01:43:58,706 --> 01:44:00,748 Oh. You're okay. 1895 01:44:03,206 --> 01:44:08,831 My baby's gone with the wind 1896 01:44:10,456 --> 01:44:13,665 Train roll on 1897 01:44:15,790 --> 01:44:18,373 Tuesday's gone 1898 01:44:18,456 --> 01:44:22,373 Battery, zero percent. 1899 01:44:22,456 --> 01:44:24,498 I didn't charge it! Damn it! 1900 01:44:43,998 --> 01:44:47,831 Oh, baby Don't it feel like heaven right now? 1901 01:44:47,915 --> 01:44:51,165 Don't it feel like something From a dream? 1902 01:44:51,915 --> 01:44:55,956 Yeah, I've never known Nothing quite like this 1903 01:44:56,040 --> 01:45:00,081 Don't it feel like tonight Might never be again? 1904 01:45:00,165 --> 01:45:04,081 Baby, we know better Than to try and pretend 1905 01:45:04,165 --> 01:45:07,956 Honey no one Coulda ever told me 'bout this 1906 01:45:08,040 --> 01:45:10,581 - I said yeah, yeah - Yeah, yeah 1907 01:45:10,665 --> 01:45:12,415 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1908 01:45:12,498 --> 01:45:16,498 The waiting is the hardest part 1909 01:45:16,581 --> 01:45:20,331 Every day you see one more card 1910 01:45:20,415 --> 01:45:24,456 You take it on faith You take it to the heart 1911 01:45:24,540 --> 01:45:28,706 The waiting is the hardest part 1912 01:45:32,290 --> 01:45:36,248 Well, yeah, I might have chased A couple women around 1913 01:45:36,331 --> 01:45:40,123 All it ever got me was down 1914 01:45:40,206 --> 01:45:44,456 Then there were those That made me feel good 1915 01:45:44,540 --> 01:45:48,415 But never as good as I feel right now 1916 01:45:48,498 --> 01:45:52,706 Baby, you're the only one That's ever known how 1917 01:45:52,790 --> 01:45:54,540 To make me wanna live… 1918 01:45:54,623 --> 01:45:56,831 Well, the bad news just keeps coming for Maxi 1919 01:45:56,915 --> 01:45:59,748 and its controversial founder, Francis Manatee. 1920 01:45:59,831 --> 01:46:03,040 Since the spectacular failure of the Maxi Golf League, 1921 01:46:03,123 --> 01:46:07,206 the popular Maxi Sports Drink has been recalled after complaints 1922 01:46:07,290 --> 01:46:10,873 it caused irreversible halitosis, gingivitis, 1923 01:46:10,956 --> 01:46:13,790 and a new condition they're calling tongue rot. 1924 01:46:14,456 --> 01:46:17,290 We at the Sports Hole tried to reach Manatee for comment, 1925 01:46:17,373 --> 01:46:19,998 but his current whereabouts are apparently unknown. 1926 01:46:20,081 --> 01:46:24,040 Yeah, I would run too if I gave half the world midnight booty breath. 1927 01:46:24,123 --> 01:46:28,456 Hey, Scheffler, it's been three days. You sure you don't wanna make that call? 1928 01:46:28,540 --> 01:46:30,540 It depends. What's for dinner? 1929 01:46:30,623 --> 01:46:32,123 Chicken fingers. 1930 01:46:32,206 --> 01:46:34,040 I'll stick around another night. 1931 01:46:34,123 --> 01:46:35,623 Okay. 1932 01:46:48,748 --> 01:46:50,331 Oh 1933 01:46:50,415 --> 01:46:54,081 Get your biscuits in the kitchen I'm a sous chef on a mission 1934 01:46:54,165 --> 01:46:57,873 Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious We about to break the dishes 1935 01:46:57,956 --> 01:47:01,873 Got the pepper with the sodium We cookin' with petroleum 1936 01:47:01,956 --> 01:47:05,623 Come step up to the podium And cut up this linoleum 1937 01:47:08,498 --> 01:47:09,915 Just move it 1938 01:47:12,581 --> 01:47:13,706 Move it 1939 01:47:17,165 --> 01:47:21,081 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1940 01:47:28,206 --> 01:47:31,706 Get your peaches off that stoop Baby, work that hula hoop 1941 01:47:31,790 --> 01:47:35,623 Throw it back and watch 'em shoop Scottie Pippen, alley oop 1942 01:47:35,706 --> 01:47:39,456 Mix it up like orange drink Shake your buffalo chicken wing 1943 01:47:39,540 --> 01:47:43,665 Get your galoshes, make it rain Now-now let me hear you sing, uh 1944 01:47:46,290 --> 01:47:47,623 Just move it 1945 01:47:50,331 --> 01:47:51,540 Move it 1946 01:47:54,915 --> 01:47:58,915 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1947 01:48:01,415 --> 01:48:02,748 Just move it 1948 01:48:05,373 --> 01:48:06,498 Move it 1949 01:48:09,998 --> 01:48:13,998 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1950 01:48:21,456 --> 01:48:22,873 Sitting is dumb 1951 01:48:25,331 --> 01:48:26,665 Dancing is more fun 1952 01:48:28,998 --> 01:48:30,498 Sitting is dumb 1953 01:48:32,915 --> 01:48:34,206 Dancing is more fun 1954 01:48:34,790 --> 01:48:36,540 Dancing is more fun 1955 01:48:36,623 --> 01:48:39,873 Sitting is dumb But dancing is more fun 1956 01:48:40,498 --> 01:48:43,748 Dancing is more fun Dancing is more fun 1957 01:48:46,748 --> 01:48:48,081 Just move it 1958 01:48:50,748 --> 01:48:51,956 Move it 1959 01:48:55,331 --> 01:48:59,373 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1960 01:49:01,915 --> 01:49:03,165 Just move it 1961 01:49:05,873 --> 01:49:07,123 Move it 1962 01:49:10,498 --> 01:49:14,498 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it