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00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:08,541
Hello, my name is Sean Anders.
Screenwriter and director of Sex Drive.
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00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:13,270
Hi, John. I didn't see you there.
3
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:18,181
- This is John Morris.
- Screenwriter and producer of Sex Drive.
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00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:21,084
- Welcome to the unrated...
- Uncircumcised...
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00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,451
...edition of...
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00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,422
...Sex Drive.
- Sex Drive.
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00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:27,007
How many times has
this happened to you?
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00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,394
You purchase an unrated DVD to view
with your friends. Only with your friends...
9
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:35,594
Only to find that you got the same
old movie with a few extra curse words,
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00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,966
and maybe an additional tit or two.
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00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,097
- What a jip.
- And how...
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Not this time.
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That's right, John.
On this unrated DVD we promise you,
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00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,143
the viewer,
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00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:52,173
a genuinely wacky, zany
and unrated viewing experience.
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00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:55,153
- We promise...
- Plus, we promise more tits.
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00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,485
Bare tits like these.
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These tits are good.
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00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,031
Plus, more cock, like this.
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That's good cock, John.
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That's right, John, and that's not all,
we promise lots of additional scenes,
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00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:17,206
takes and other bullshit
that will make the movie way too long.
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00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:20,041
And this means a lower standard
of filmmaking for you,
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- the viewer.
- The viewer.
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00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:25,875
So, if you've never seen Sex Drive before,
please, for real,
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00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,420
do not watch this version first.
27
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:32,219
Watch the real theatrical version
and then come back and watch this one.
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00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:33,384
Why?
29
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:38,022
Yes, because this version
of the movie is going to suck.
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Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you.
I have this exact same tribal tattoo.
31
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,143
Mine's one my... It's on my back.
32
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:55,011
But actually I have a town car outside
if you wanna go see...
33
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,317
All right.
Why don't you do one more?
34
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:28,070
We open up against Michigan
in two weeks.
35
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,949
Coach's got me hitting the bench
pretty hard.
36
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:40,251
Shit. How much is a lot?
37
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,088
One... No, two.
38
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,935
I'm putting up three hundy.
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00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,873
Well, let's see, Tasty.
40
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,313
Wow!
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00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:11,812
Um...
42
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,762
Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen...
43
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,324
No, stop it, stop it.
44
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:22,164
Don't be so fucking desperate.
Come on, be a dick. Be cool.
45
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,867
Don't be a pussy.
Tell her she's an ugly skank.
46
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,501
Yeah.
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00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:32,806
Not bad.
48
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:35,407
I've seen better.
49
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,378
Yeah, whatever.
50
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:48,051
Coach's got us running two-a-days,
so I gotta bounce.
51
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:14,980
Miss Tasty? How did you get here?
52
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,178
Shh!
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00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,370
Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20,
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00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,498
so if you want a ride to work
you better get your poop in a group.
55
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,701
- Okay, I'll be right down.
- No. Now, Clay Aiken.
56
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,767
- All right.
- No, now, homo.
57
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,870
- Just give me a minute.
- No, no, no, no. Now, sissy.
58
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,711
- Just...
- No, now, chode-stroker.
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00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,374
Now, ball bag.
60
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,287
Hey...
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00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,792
- Ow! Cut it out.
- Hurts, doesn't it?
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00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,990
Shut up! I'm trying to sleep.
63
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:10,233
Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep.
You're golden.
64
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:13,033
- You, get your ass up.
- Give me a minute.
65
00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:14,796
What're you doing under there, huh?
66
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,310
What're you doing?
You're firing off your skin pistol?
67
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,372
Come on, get up. What are you hiding?
68
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,437
You got a big fattie under there, don't you?
69
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:26,747
Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too.
What the F?
70
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,456
Your little brother's sleeping
not ten feet away. Jesus Christ!
71
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,224
Good. My boys are all here.
72
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,260
- Dad, Ian's free...
- Can it, Rex.
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00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,764
Your pop's got a bombshell to drop,
so ears open.
74
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:41,800
Last night,
your old man popped the question.
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00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:44,663
Show them, Karen.
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00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:49,034
I'm so happy.
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00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,879
Hey, way to go!
78
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:57,404
Ian, you wanna get off your duff
and come over here and give Karen a hug?
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00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:58,472
Um...
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00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:03,751
- Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude.
- Can we do that later?
81
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:07,281
- Damn it, Ian, get up...
- No, no, honey. It's okay.
82
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:12,260
We have to give him time
to get used to the idea.
83
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:15,623
Karen?
- Are you okay?
84
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,760
Karen? Karen, honey?
- You okay?
85
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:18,826
Sweetheart?
86
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:21,270
What smells like jizz?
87
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:29,241
Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo!
88
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,557
Come on, get in. Get in!
89
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,167
You suck!
90
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:57,336
Okay, seriously.
Quit being such a fag and get in.
91
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,839
Never go down
So let's get it up
92
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:12,580
Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question,
and I want a straight answer.
93
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,857
- You queer?
- What?
94
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,395
- God damn it! I knew it!
- I didn't say anything.
95
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,761
Exactly. If someone asks you
if you're a pole smoker,
96
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:23,268
you just deny it, straight off.
No pause, no farting around.
97
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,735
Rex, I'm not gay.
98
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,795
- Dad thinks you're gay.
- What?
99
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:30,001
- You're breaking the old man's heart.
- No, I'm not. I told him I'm not.
100
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,204
Ian, you're 18,
and you've never had a girlfriend.
101
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,975
That's how people wind up getting gay,
you know.
102
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:38,016
I don't think that's really how it happens.
103
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,484
Is that not how it happens?
So tell me how it happens, expert.
104
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,987
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.
105
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:45,046
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?
106
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:48,217
- That's gross.
- You like them both, don't you?
107
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:52,831
It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want
the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock,
108
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:56,300
and Wednesdays and Thursdays
you're on to the balls.
109
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,564
- I don't know why you're talking about it.
- You can't choose, can you?
110
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,539
That's a tough one.
You love it and you're obsessed with it.
111
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,041
No, you are. You keep talking about it.
112
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,873
Why're you smiling at me? I'm serious.
113
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,880
Don't fucking smile at me. You know
I'll knock you out of this goddamn earth.
114
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,813
What does it taste like?
115
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,249
Like, right when you take your mouth off
and it's like kind of
116
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,550
like you can almost see your reflection
in that fucking cock.
117
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,783
Smack you in the face with it a little bit.
118
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,985
- You don't like that?
- I don't eat...
119
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:27,966
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff,
hot vascular mushroom head.
120
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,228
Yeah, yeah.
121
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,566
Look, every guy's got a fantasy
about another guy,
122
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:35,368
but you got to bury that shit way down.
This is America, God damn it.
123
00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:39,434
There is...
There is a girl that I've been kind of...
124
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,413
All right, I'm listening.
Where'd you meet her?
125
00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:44,039
On the... Online.
126
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:49,209
What? For fuck's sake, Ian,
don't you watch Dateline?
127
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:53,691
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude
who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
128
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:57,320
But you'd love that, wouldn't you?
'Cause you're a homo.
129
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:15,575
Hey, Ian. Try not to come home any gayer
than you are now.
130
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,885
Seriously, though. You're a fag.
131
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,979
Hey, don't look at me like that.
I'll punch you in the goddamn throat.
132
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:37,128
Hey
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00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:41,195
What's your favorite song?
134
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:44,106
Maybe we could hum along
135
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:51,682
Well, I think you're smart,
you sweet thing
136
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:57,585
Tell me your name,
I'm dying here
137
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:06,653
Got you where I want you
138
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,323
Yeah
139
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:23,648
- Hey, Becca. How are you?
- I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever.
140
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:27,879
Hey, Becca.
Looks like you had a long, nasty night.
141
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:31,787
- Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno.
- Whatever. You guys are gross.
142
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:36,419
- I'm not gross. I didn't say anything.
- Okay, who's going on coupon rounds?
143
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:42,297
- No, Becca, I did it yesterday.
- Please, Ian.
144
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,299
I love you so much.
145
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:52,068
Hello. This is a coupon for six free...
No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.
146
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,772
- Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen.
- Thanks.
147
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,439
You're welcome. Sorry.
148
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,341
Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is?
149
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:04,480
- It's just past the movie theater.
- Thanks, man.
150
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,395
Yeah, real funny.
151
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,325
Free donuts, free coupons.
152
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,901
Felicia. How's it fitting, hon?
153
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:34,441
Well, you look nice.
154
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,348
You know, sweetie,
there's still time to have your boobs done
155
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,583
before my wedding.
156
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:41,125
Darren and I already discussed them,
and he said he'd pay for it.
157
00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:44,356
I mean, he's a dentist,
so it's totally not a big deal.
158
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,824
Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors?
159
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,959
Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie?
160
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:53,527
Oh, no. I was just hoping
you could slit my wrists for me quickly.
161
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,404
My husband killed himself last Christmas.
162
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:01,739
I am so sorry. I was just...
163
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:06,610
Hello. This is a coupon
for six free donuts. Donuts?
164
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:18,262
Oh, my God! You look so hot in that.
165
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,666
Hey, sweetheart, listen.
Please don't take this the wrong way,
166
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,668
but your whole trying too hard thing,
167
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,398
it's just coming across as needy,
you know?
168
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,804
And I think you're better than that,
Kimberly.
169
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:33,777
- But all I was saying was that...
- Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay?
170
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:35,937
I mean, Christ,
I'm out buying him clothes right now.
171
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:39,883
He's 18 years old.
I don't have to do that shit anymore.
172
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:44,480
Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry,
I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel.
173
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:49,822
Well, it's official, Lance,
your mom's still bat-shit crazy.
174
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,193
What? You're telling me
she doesn't shit-talk me?
175
00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:55,165
No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever.
176
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:58,067
All right. Let me give you some advice,
Lance, all right?
177
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,129
Don't ever get married.
Just an endless parade of horseshit.
178
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:04,904
And whatever you do, man,
always wear a rubber. Christ.
179
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:07,810
Nice. Always classy.
180
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,646
Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like...
Come on, dawg.
181
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:19,189
Hey, sir. I've got something yummy
for your little girl.
182
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,696
Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!
183
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:35,096
- Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?
- I don't know.
184
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,574
Is there a cock and balls
on the front of me again?
185
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,134
- Like a little tree trunk.
- Thank you.
186
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,145
Oh, my God.
187
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:50,077
- Whoa. You look pretty.
- God, shut up, Ian!
188
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:54,057
What? I'm just saying,
you usually dress so... You look nice.
189
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,458
Ian, why do you got to work the mouth
when you talk to us?
190
00:14:56,528 --> 00:15:00,020
- Yeah, Ian.
- Sorry, it's a... It's a habit.
191
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:03,125
Hey, that girl you work with, Becca,
you gonna bring her to my party tonight?
192
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:07,901
- Yeah, I asked her. She said no.
- Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you.
193
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:10,441
That's what you say about everyone.
194
00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:12,500
She made you wear
the fucking costume again, right?
195
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,012
- You know, I don't mind...
- Dude, if you told her to fuck off,
196
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,413
she'd be two knuckles deep right now
daydreaming about your big black cock.
197
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,678
Ian, do not listen to him.
198
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,448
Okay, girls want a nice guy
who's gonna treat them well.
199
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,148
- Really?
- Yes. Really.
200
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:26,453
Look, all I'm saying is
everybody wants a challenge.
201
00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:28,925
- Everybody wants...
- What they can't get. I know, I got it.
202
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:32,327
Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like
I'm teaching you to walk sometimes.
203
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:36,391
- That shit does not work.
- It works on you.
204
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:38,231
No, it doesn't.
205
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,308
Felicia!
206
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:48,342
Balls! I got to go.
Evil cousin's spending the weekend.
207
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,281
- Pretty cousin?
- Ian, she's the anti-Christ.
208
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:54,478
- She's still super hot.
- Fuck you, too. See you.
209
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:56,613
So what happened with Becca?
210
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,281
You been doing like I told you,
being a dick?
211
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:02,817
Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick.
I'd say... No, not really.
212
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,730
I mean, you know,
I've sort of been practicing
213
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,995
your whole being-a-dick thing
with this girl I met online.
214
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:11,036
- And I get it, but I just...
- Thanks.
215
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,934
I don't think I could do that for real.
216
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,098
Dude, sure you can.
I believe in you, you know.
217
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:18,940
You just got to stop worrying
about being the good guy all the time.
218
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:21,104
I mean, okay,
look at Andy and Randy over there.
219
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,045
You think they care
what women think about them?
220
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,048
They could give a fuck.
221
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,381
- What's up? What's up?
- What's up, what's up?
222
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:31,821
Hi. I'm collecting for
the underprivileged children of Ecuador.
223
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,289
- Would you like to help?
- Not really.
224
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,826
- We don't have any money.
- No jobs.
225
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,129
You wanna party?
226
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,358
Um... I'm kind of working right now.
227
00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:42,764
- When are you done?
- Yeah, what are you doing after?
228
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,393
I have a church thing tonight.
229
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,404
- Kick ass, we'll come.
- Yeah, where is it?
230
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:48,497
Is there gonna be
more hot snatch like you there?
231
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,566
Those guys are total nards.
They never get anywhere.
232
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,577
That's just 'cause they don't know
how to close.
233
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,272
But they're ability to open
is fucking heroic.
234
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,048
- Do you wear thong underpants?
- Do you want us to take our shirts off?
235
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,449
- What color bra are you wearing?
- Is your mom hot, too?
236
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,111
Are you into me?
237
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,916
- Where do you live?
- What color car do you have?
238
00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:05,650
- Where do you live?
- What's your address?
239
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,419
- Do you want us to come over?
- Do you like pizza?
240
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,393
We've been to a motel.
241
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:17,133
- Fuck off, donut.
- Rex, it's me.
242
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,304
What the fuck is this all about?
243
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:24,274
I broke the key off of our locker.
I couldn't get my clothes out.
244
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:28,245
Stow that shit in the trunk.
Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole.
245
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,750
You suck.
246
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,188
Becca? Hey.
247
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:43,628
Wow, I didn't know
that you were coming over.
248
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:49,661
Cool. I didn't even know
that you knew where I lived. I mean...
249
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,397
- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah.
250
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:55,907
- So...
- Oh! It's a funny story. I broke...
251
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:59,774
I broke my key off
and Ron let me borrow the...
252
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:03,576
Anyway, so this is great.
You changed your mind.
253
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,877
Now, the party, it doesn't start
254
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:08,784
- for a few hours.
- Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here.
255
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,591
- Dylan?
- Yeah. Is he here?
256
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,059
- My 14-year-old brother Dylan?
- Yeah.
257
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:21,088
Nice underpants, Ian.
- Snap! Dang, that was funny.
258
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,157
You know he's 14, right?
259
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,315
Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous.
I love it.
260
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,463
- Hey, congrats. Good to see you.
- Hey.
261
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,237
Is this the plan?
262
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:17,951
Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here.
Get off your wallflower ass.
263
00:19:18,023 --> 00:19:20,992
- Are you smoking cigars now?
- Yes.
264
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,324
- Hey, Lance. Tight party.
- Okay, rude.
265
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,227
You can see
I'm having a conversation here.
266
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,233
Now, I'll be with you
in a few minutes, okay?
267
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:30,632
- Thank you.
- We're sorry.
268
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,670
- Don't apologize to her.
- I'm sorry.
269
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,433
Don't apologize to me.
270
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:40,768
Hey, I'm gonna go see
who Felicia's talking to.
271
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,076
No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?
272
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,173
I know you guys are BFF and all that shit,
273
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,616
but tonight's about getting that dick
a little daylight.
274
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,711
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,
where you going?
275
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,256
Come here, we're not done. Get in here.
276
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:56,158
- You know my boy Ian?
- Yeah. No. I don't know.
277
00:19:56,228 --> 00:20:00,130
- You used to be on my paper route.
- Okay, sure. My mom likes you.
278
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:06,627
Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him.
He's a big, bright crimson king. Right?
279
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,900
You know what else?
280
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,101
Ian is a bust-ass virgin.
281
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,110
I'm so sorry.
282
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:18,411
Don't let that deter you from fucking him.
283
00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:27,353
Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked.
I got into the University of Wisconsin,
284
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:29,656
and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine,
'cause that's where...
285
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,162
- Are you gonna go to college?
- University of Boulder.
286
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,926
It's a great party school.
287
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:39,369
You know, I read that they have
a really great astronomy program.
288
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,372
I don't know if that's
what you're going there for or...
289
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:47,106
Because it's really high elevation,
and you can see the stars really well...
290
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,244
Planets.
291
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,342
Wow! A little tip action there.
That's really suggestive.
292
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,651
I'm not saying that
you're gonna do that on my, well...
293
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,988
You can just stick with my finger
if you want 'cause this feels great, so...
294
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:08,425
You're really good at that.
That's really wet. Two...
295
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:13,904
Ian! Dude!
- I'm... Could you excuse me for a second?
296
00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,963
Hello. Hello?
297
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:19,408
- Hey!
- Hey! What up?
298
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:23,244
- What are you doing in there, man?
- What're you doing out here, man?
299
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:26,148
- I asked you first.
- Nothing.
300
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,984
No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt,
so then I had to...
301
00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:34,992
- I thought you had, like, a girl in there.
- Yeah, right. I wish.
302
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:38,587
So, okay.
So, are your parents, like, still going
303
00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:40,723
to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend?
304
00:21:40,832 --> 00:21:42,459
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They all take off in the morning.
305
00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:43,796
Okay. Awesome.
306
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:48,897
'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts,
so, I don't know,
307
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:52,137
you think, like, maybe I could hang
at your place this weekend?
308
00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:54,906
Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something.
It'll be fun.
309
00:21:54,980 --> 00:22:01,283
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
Hey, I have a secret.
310
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:05,555
- Okay.
- But it's like a girl secret, so...
311
00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:10,357
- Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay.
- Yeah.
312
00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:13,226
Hey, Dibits, fuck off.
313
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,901
Okay, so I... Oh my God, this is so lame.
314
00:22:18,970 --> 00:22:23,430
- Look at you acting like such a girl.
- I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is.
315
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:29,714
I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy.
316
00:22:30,315 --> 00:22:32,909
Yeah? Well, who is it?
317
00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:35,782
Come on, you know me better than anyone.
I bet you know who it is.
318
00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:37,412
Come on, guess.
319
00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:40,447
Um...
320
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:42,817
I think I know.
321
00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:56,905
I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you.
You're so easy. You're so easy!
322
00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:04,006
- You're my best friend.
- I know, and you're my best friend.
323
00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:08,041
That's why it's funny that we would kiss,
because we wouldn't.
324
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,283
So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero?
325
00:23:14,826 --> 00:23:17,056
Um... Nobody.
326
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:20,963
- Nobody?
- I... I was kidding, too.
327
00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,026
- That is funny.
- It's hilarious.
328
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:26,468
- That is so funny.
- That is so funny.
329
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,002
Oh! I...
330
00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:30,063
- You got...
- Yeah.
331
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:32,667
- All right. So...
- Hey!
332
00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:34,109
Okay.
333
00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:41,178
Harsh.
334
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:54,357
Well, come on, Ian.
335
00:23:55,567 --> 00:23:57,762
You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna...
336
00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:00,669
Ian, come on, baby. Don't be shy.
337
00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:04,766
No, thanks. It looks like
you got your hands full there, so...
338
00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:07,038
Sure you don't want to
get in on this, bro?
339
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,171
No, thanks, man.
340
00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:12,648
It looks like you fellows
got it all under control.
341
00:24:12,717 --> 00:24:16,710
So I'm just gonna skedaddle.
You all take care now.
342
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,346
Lindsay, say hi to your mom.
343
00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:21,014
All right. See you later, buddy.
344
00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:30,961
Ian. Dude, where you going?
345
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:34,297
Shit.
346
00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:44,705
Hey, Goldie, scoot over.
347
00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:54,653
- Hey, babe, you wanna party?
- I'm at a party.
348
00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:56,853
You should pee on us.
349
00:24:56,928 --> 00:24:57,986
Why don't you take a picture, Ian?
350
00:24:58,063 --> 00:25:00,793
Yeah, and post it on
Totalfuckingawesomeness. com.
351
00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:02,891
Backslash-we-rule!
352
00:25:02,968 --> 00:25:04,128
Where'd you come up with that?
353
00:25:04,202 --> 00:25:09,299
- Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
- You just did.
354
00:25:10,141 --> 00:25:12,166
- Can I ask you another question?
- You just did again.
355
00:25:12,244 --> 00:25:14,439
- What's up? What's up?
- What's up, what's up?
356
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,778
Nice hair. It'll look even better in my crotch.
357
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:23,752
- Dude, where you going?
- Come on.
358
00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:26,824
What's going on?
Something troubling you? Be a buddy.
359
00:25:26,892 --> 00:25:31,989
- I'm... All right, all right.
- You got to get over the monkey.
360
00:25:32,063 --> 00:25:36,227
Where do you guys get the confidence to,
like, hit on every girl you see?
361
00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:40,135
- 'Cause we're the shit.
- Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch.
362
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:46,609
- So where's Felicia?
- Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
363
00:25:47,579 --> 00:25:50,946
- She's in...
- Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?
364
00:25:51,783 --> 00:25:53,375
We're just friends.
365
00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,214
- I'm uncircumcised.
- Yeah.
366
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,582
- I'm into you and I'm hard.
- Yeah.
367
00:25:57,656 --> 00:26:00,056
- Hey, I was born to fertilize.
- Yeah.
368
00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:02,286
- I'm a firefighter.
- Fuck off!
369
00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:05,525
Wait, I thought you took her to prom.
370
00:26:05,597 --> 00:26:08,566
Yeah,
but it was a just-friends kind of thing.
371
00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:15,065
You should bang her. We would.
372
00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,798
Dude, we would bang her so hard.
373
00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:19,341
We would take that ass and just...
374
00:26:22,213 --> 00:26:24,374
Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you
if you're not into it.
375
00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:25,814
Yeah. Hard.
376
00:26:25,884 --> 00:26:28,114
- With our dicks!
- Yeah, our dicks are huge.
377
00:26:28,186 --> 00:26:31,314
You could see them from space!
What's up?
378
00:26:31,389 --> 00:26:34,358
- What's up?
- Hey, do you have a phone number?
379
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,052
You don't. Okay.
380
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,065
I'll call you from nationals.
381
00:26:48,406 --> 00:26:50,931
Say it.
- You're my little donut girl.
382
00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:58,776
- Bye, sexy.
- Yo, Ian.
383
00:26:59,918 --> 00:27:03,752
- You want to smell my finger?
- Yeah, okay.
384
00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:10,750
Are you sure you got the right hole?
385
00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:19,796
Kids.
386
00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,107
Awesome.
387
00:27:33,852 --> 00:27:36,150
Hmm... '69.
388
00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:44,720
Whoa.
389
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,473
Don't puss out. Be cool.
390
00:27:58,243 --> 00:28:00,677
I don't know.
391
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:06,917
That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit!
392
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:12,089
Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this.
393
00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:25,602
Holy buckets.
394
00:28:27,806 --> 00:28:30,104
She wants me to give her the D.
395
00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:32,266
Well, honey
396
00:28:32,343 --> 00:28:33,332
What ya got, Mr. Mans?
397
00:28:33,411 --> 00:28:34,844
I got a lot of money
398
00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,847
I don't see no keys in my hands
399
00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:39,782
I just wanna nasty girl
400
00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:43,552
Now tell me, is that nasty girl you?
401
00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:44,815
Do you like what you see?
402
00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:51,453
Could you be my nasty girl
and let me do that dirty dance with you?
403
00:28:51,529 --> 00:28:53,622
I can love you long time
404
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,711
I like 'em all in shapes and sizes
405
00:29:11,349 --> 00:29:13,977
And it don't make no difference to me
406
00:29:14,886 --> 00:29:19,346
If you're short, tall, big or small
Long if there ain't no big surprises
407
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:21,654
Chances are you'll suit me to a T
408
00:29:30,401 --> 00:29:31,732
Love beef.
409
00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:37,234
Terry, phone call.
410
00:29:41,246 --> 00:29:44,545
Dude, weren't you in my gym class?
What is it? Egan?
411
00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,607
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan.
412
00:29:51,656 --> 00:29:55,752
Right. Whatever, scrotch.
You can't get your fist pregnant.
413
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:59,490
Russ, man, check it out.
Yo, look who's buying jimmys.
414
00:30:00,431 --> 00:30:02,922
You want these gift-wrapped, Egan?
415
00:30:07,572 --> 00:30:09,164
Just ring it up, man.
416
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,606
Karen, let me have that for you.
417
00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:14,970
Dad, what did you do with my helmet?
418
00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:41,261
Ian, honey,
I made you some tollhouse cookies.
419
00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:44,574
I'll just leave these here for you.
420
00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:47,175
I'll get them later.
421
00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:50,815
There's $40 in the cow for fun money,
422
00:30:51,482 --> 00:30:54,883
so be safe and sorry I didn't knock.
423
00:30:56,354 --> 00:31:00,154
Anytime. It's your home now.
424
00:31:01,326 --> 00:31:02,850
Oh, dear.
425
00:31:06,631 --> 00:31:08,258
- Dude.
- Hey.
426
00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:11,359
What is going on with you?
You bought rubbers?
427
00:31:12,103 --> 00:31:14,571
- How did you know that?
- It's on Russ Miller's blog.
428
00:31:18,676 --> 00:31:20,803
Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago.
429
00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:22,312
What's the deal? Dude.
430
00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:26,784
She wants me to meet her tonight
at the Big Boy in Knoxville.
431
00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:30,820
This is a fucking written invitation
to your dick from the Internet.
432
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,151
Oh, Jesus.
433
00:31:32,223 --> 00:31:34,521
Seriously, dude, pack your shit.
We're going to Knoxville.
434
00:31:34,592 --> 00:31:36,651
No. Stop it. Put these back.
435
00:31:36,761 --> 00:31:38,524
This is the type of girl who has...
436
00:31:38,596 --> 00:31:41,224
She has it shaved into a landing strip.
437
00:31:41,633 --> 00:31:43,032
I can't deal with a landing strip.
438
00:31:43,101 --> 00:31:45,763
Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean,
she could have anything under there.
439
00:31:45,837 --> 00:31:50,399
There could be a little Hitler
or just a full, nasty Chewbacca.
440
00:31:51,943 --> 00:31:55,106
But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh.
441
00:31:55,179 --> 00:31:59,047
You know, she doesn't even want me.
She wants him.
442
00:32:00,218 --> 00:32:03,984
I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine.
443
00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:06,148
I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes.
444
00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:08,949
Tasty's probably a guy, anyway.
445
00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:11,723
Maybe. But what if she's not?
446
00:32:12,196 --> 00:32:15,688
You know, I mean, look, you've already
opened, and I could help you close.
447
00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:17,633
We just need one thing.
448
00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:27,771
Ian, just look at this.
I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO,
449
00:32:27,845 --> 00:32:30,473
she's gonna drop an egg right there
in the Big Boy parking lot.
450
00:32:30,548 --> 00:32:32,516
Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this.
451
00:32:33,584 --> 00:32:36,678
Here. Strap that end down. Tight.
452
00:32:37,288 --> 00:32:40,485
- The cord's too short.
- Put a little sack into it, powder puff.
453
00:32:44,395 --> 00:32:46,795
- All right. Thanks, little brother.
- Yeah.
454
00:32:47,198 --> 00:32:48,859
- Hey, Ian.
- Yeah.
455
00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:51,427
Did I hear something
about you wanting to borrow my car?
456
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,164
No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you.
457
00:32:55,206 --> 00:32:56,468
You sure?
458
00:32:57,842 --> 00:33:01,300
You're my little brother, Ian.
All you gotta do is ask.
459
00:33:03,348 --> 00:33:04,440
Okay.
460
00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:08,074
Could I use The Judge this weekend?
461
00:33:13,024 --> 00:33:17,688
Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive
The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts.
462
00:33:21,299 --> 00:33:23,529
Let's go, Dad.
- What a dick.
463
00:33:23,601 --> 00:33:25,432
You should take his car just on principle.
464
00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:27,771
What do you want me to do, you know?
465
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:30,399
I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it,
since I don't even know what that means.
466
00:33:30,475 --> 00:33:31,942
What are you doing?
467
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:38,873
No. Lance, no! Put it back.
Did you just hear him? Please.
468
00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:41,111
Come here, we're gonna have a talk.
469
00:33:41,452 --> 00:33:43,647
She's only nine short hours away, okay?
470
00:33:43,721 --> 00:33:46,588
We're gonna head down there tonight
and you're gonna put a dent in that shit.
471
00:33:46,657 --> 00:33:49,626
Ian's gonna treat it like it's meat
that needs tenderizing.
472
00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,389
With his dick instead of a hammer.
473
00:33:51,462 --> 00:33:53,589
You can pound it till it bleeds.
474
00:33:53,664 --> 00:33:57,293
Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess,
and then we're gonna be...
475
00:33:58,469 --> 00:34:01,131
- What're you doing?
- Still rolling.
476
00:34:01,205 --> 00:34:03,969
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it.
Ian's gonna pound on it.
477
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,738
We're back tomorrow
before Rex even knows the car is gone.
478
00:34:06,811 --> 00:34:08,870
Now, listen, these girls at Madison are
gonna be fucking at a college level.
479
00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,073
I need you ready for that.
480
00:34:12,417 --> 00:34:14,408
Wait! Put it... Put it back.
481
00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:16,278
Back here.
482
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:36,431
For God's sake. You two rump rangers
couldn't wait five minutes?
483
00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:53,316
Shit.
484
00:35:09,874 --> 00:35:11,432
- Shit!
- Fuck!
485
00:35:11,509 --> 00:35:14,034
I told her she could stay here this weekend.
486
00:35:14,545 --> 00:35:18,072
Dude, what the hell?
Why are you driving Rex's car?
487
00:35:18,149 --> 00:35:19,946
I thought me and...
488
00:35:21,686 --> 00:35:24,348
- Are you bitching out on me?
- No.
489
00:35:24,422 --> 00:35:25,616
- No.
- No.
490
00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,420
Good. Well, then where are we going?
491
00:35:29,427 --> 00:35:31,987
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee.
492
00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:34,564
Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom.
493
00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:38,466
Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome.
494
00:35:38,669 --> 00:35:40,159
Dude, what the fuck?
495
00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:42,069
- I don't want her along.
- Really?
496
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,301
You don't want to bring Yoko
on your sex trip?
497
00:35:44,375 --> 00:35:46,707
Yeah, no shit.
She's always cock-blocking you.
498
00:35:46,777 --> 00:35:49,337
No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a...
499
00:35:49,413 --> 00:35:51,608
Okay, twat blocking.
500
00:35:51,682 --> 00:35:52,774
Professor.
501
00:35:52,850 --> 00:35:53,874
When will you
be coming back?
502
00:35:53,951 --> 00:35:55,282
No, tomorrow.
503
00:35:55,353 --> 00:35:58,413
When?
- No. Bye! God.
504
00:35:58,489 --> 00:36:00,821
You guys
drive safe now. Bye!
505
00:36:01,392 --> 00:36:03,087
So, what's in Tennessee?
506
00:36:03,761 --> 00:36:06,525
My grandma has got some cancer.
507
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,162
- Grammy K?
- She's fine.
508
00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:12,527
She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time.
509
00:36:13,804 --> 00:36:15,635
It's, you know... I mean, what is it called?
510
00:36:15,706 --> 00:36:17,765
- It's foot cancer.
- She's got a little foot cancer.
511
00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:20,037
She'll be hopping around in no time.
512
00:36:20,878 --> 00:36:23,278
So what's she doing in Tennessee?
513
00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:27,644
Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass
cancer center there.
514
00:36:27,718 --> 00:36:31,518
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's like... It's famous.
515
00:36:31,756 --> 00:36:34,384
- Yeah.
- So if you ever get any cancer,
516
00:36:34,458 --> 00:36:38,690
you should totally check it out.
517
00:36:40,097 --> 00:36:41,223
I would.
518
00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:48,535
So you want I-80 East and then
65 goes all the way through Indiana.
519
00:36:49,607 --> 00:36:51,507
- So how's it feel?
- What?
520
00:36:52,076 --> 00:36:55,978
I don't know, breaking the rules,
talking some shit, driving The Judge?
521
00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:58,739
It feels pretty good.
522
00:36:58,816 --> 00:37:01,114
I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw
523
00:37:01,185 --> 00:37:03,278
I'm in the prime of my life
524
00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:13,257
Let's make some music, make some money
Find some models for wives
525
00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:21,401
This is our decision
To live fast and die young
526
00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:27,070
We've got the vision
Now let's have some fun
527
00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:32,008
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah
528
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,581
This dude wants to race.
529
00:37:39,290 --> 00:37:40,621
Let's go, ladies.
530
00:37:40,691 --> 00:37:43,387
Lance! Cut it out!
Come on, you don't know who's in there.
531
00:37:43,461 --> 00:37:47,591
Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve
McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car.
532
00:37:47,665 --> 00:37:50,657
I refuse to be embarrassed by a car
that looks like a Trapper Keeper.
533
00:37:50,735 --> 00:37:52,862
I am not racing in my brother's car.
534
00:37:53,871 --> 00:37:55,930
Holy shit.
535
00:37:56,974 --> 00:37:58,635
What the hell is that?
536
00:38:00,878 --> 00:38:02,937
Looks like a Nachos BellGrande.
537
00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:04,481
And a chalupa!
538
00:38:04,782 --> 00:38:06,147
Medium Coke!
539
00:38:07,518 --> 00:38:08,542
Go right!
540
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,812
Turn the wipers on!
- They are on.
541
00:38:11,022 --> 00:38:12,512
They're not working!
542
00:38:12,723 --> 00:38:15,556
Please, don't yell at me.
I'm doing the best I can.
543
00:38:16,527 --> 00:38:17,960
- Winnebago!
- Where?
544
00:38:18,029 --> 00:38:19,860
Winnebago! Winnebago!
545
00:38:27,405 --> 00:38:29,498
Oh, my God, are you all right?
546
00:38:34,445 --> 00:38:37,846
Yeah, nobody offer to help.
I got this under control.
547
00:38:45,222 --> 00:38:49,386
- Are you all right?
- Do I look like I'm all right? Fuck!
548
00:38:51,696 --> 00:38:56,565
You know what might make you feel better?
Putting 40 on pump two.
549
00:39:11,782 --> 00:39:15,616
Hey. You okay in there?
550
00:39:17,822 --> 00:39:21,781
God damn! My back teeth are snorkeling.
551
00:39:27,598 --> 00:39:29,088
Sweet relief.
552
00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:34,128
You got the shy bladder?
553
00:39:35,106 --> 00:39:36,437
- Yeah.
- Damn.
554
00:39:38,909 --> 00:39:42,140
Paruresis. That's what they call it.
555
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:45,011
Let me tell you something.
I didn't catch your name.
556
00:39:45,082 --> 00:39:46,344
It's Ian.
557
00:39:46,417 --> 00:39:50,911
Let me tell you something, Ian.
I had it something fierce.
558
00:39:54,492 --> 00:39:57,893
You can do it, Ian. You can do it.
559
00:40:04,201 --> 00:40:06,692
Go running down by your sister.
560
00:40:06,771 --> 00:40:09,865
Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump.
561
00:40:10,274 --> 00:40:13,937
Yeah? You move your meat,
you lose your seat. Hmm.
562
00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:18,737
Logan, do not eat that.
You will fuck up your appetite!
563
00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:21,209
Damn.
564
00:40:22,319 --> 00:40:24,480
Listen, Reba.
565
00:40:24,555 --> 00:40:29,083
If you value the rest of your teeth,
you will shut off that pump.
566
00:40:34,498 --> 00:40:37,899
So I tells my daddy, "You know what?
You're not the boss of me.
567
00:40:37,968 --> 00:40:41,563
"Not you, not Angie,"
that's that girl I was telling you about.
568
00:40:41,639 --> 00:40:43,698
"And sure as hell not this bladder of mine."
569
00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:45,867
Well, he looked at me,
and you should have...
570
00:40:45,943 --> 00:40:49,709
Ian. Where you going? Don't give up.
571
00:40:52,616 --> 00:40:55,551
Jesus. I've been pissing for an hour.
572
00:41:00,057 --> 00:41:04,050
- Another one for the collection.
- Cool. Thanks.
573
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:07,889
What?
574
00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:16,601
It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry.
575
00:41:16,674 --> 00:41:18,369
Lance, what are you doing?
576
00:41:18,442 --> 00:41:20,376
Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself,
577
00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:24,380
because I'm just trying to show
another human being a little compassion.
578
00:41:24,982 --> 00:41:26,381
And my dick.
579
00:41:28,886 --> 00:41:31,946
It's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall.
580
00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:34,422
You know why?
'Cause our love will dry them up.
581
00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:38,189
Love will keep us alive. Just like that song.
You know that song?
582
00:41:38,262 --> 00:41:42,392
That's our song now.
That song represents our bond.
583
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:46,830
Don Henley's words represent our love.
584
00:41:53,310 --> 00:41:54,834
What have you got?
585
00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:57,646
Hey, kid, where you from?
586
00:41:59,083 --> 00:42:03,850
- I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago.
- Are you two married. No?
587
00:42:05,289 --> 00:42:11,125
- No, we're just friends. We're amigos.
- You make a good couple.
588
00:42:11,695 --> 00:42:14,391
She's pretty. Marry that girl.
589
00:42:14,498 --> 00:42:18,059
See my lady and I here,
we've been married forever.
590
00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:20,535
And I tell you she was gorgeous.
591
00:42:20,604 --> 00:42:24,040
The first day I saw her,
I said, "This is gonna be my wife."
592
00:42:24,108 --> 00:42:26,668
And you know what? It happened.
593
00:42:26,744 --> 00:42:30,407
I tell you,
that was a very good year for corn.
594
00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:32,847
Made lots of money.
595
00:42:32,917 --> 00:42:38,685
I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady
a sexy French lingerie.
596
00:42:38,756 --> 00:42:41,884
Boy, those were the best six bucks
I ever spent.
597
00:42:44,161 --> 00:42:47,358
You kids want to help yourself
to a can of Purple?
598
00:42:47,765 --> 00:42:51,724
- Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple?
- Yeah, I can go...
599
00:42:54,371 --> 00:42:56,532
Say, the boys still hanging?
600
00:42:57,508 --> 00:43:01,000
- You ever had a peppermint fatty?
- No. Let's have that.
601
00:43:01,145 --> 00:43:03,045
See how that shoe fits.
602
00:43:06,483 --> 00:43:09,213
Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this?
603
00:43:11,522 --> 00:43:14,787
You know that thing,
when runners say they break the wall?
604
00:43:14,858 --> 00:43:17,520
You know, and it's all good after that?
605
00:43:17,962 --> 00:43:19,827
I feel like that
when my dick's in your mouth.
606
00:43:20,864 --> 00:43:23,298
It actually says Purple Soda.
607
00:43:28,138 --> 00:43:30,106
Bad boy.
608
00:43:34,845 --> 00:43:36,870
You like him, don't you?
609
00:43:39,950 --> 00:43:44,319
- What? Who?
- Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right?
610
00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:49,256
Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot.
611
00:43:49,326 --> 00:43:53,194
I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever.
612
00:43:56,967 --> 00:44:00,027
Brandy!
- Uh-oh!
613
00:44:00,104 --> 00:44:03,130
Brandy! Shit.
614
00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:07,944
- Howdy.
- Howdy.
615
00:44:08,012 --> 00:44:12,881
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am.
Where the fuck's Brandy at?
616
00:44:21,959 --> 00:44:27,556
- You ever hear of a rolling brown-out?
- No. Let's try it.
617
00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:30,860
You bleach that.
618
00:44:31,402 --> 00:44:35,600
Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown!
Nothing brown! Nothing brown!
619
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:38,073
What're you gonna do? Hit a girl?
620
00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:42,506
No, but I'm gonna
pummel his ass real good.
621
00:44:42,579 --> 00:44:44,945
There you go. There you go.
622
00:44:46,016 --> 00:44:47,005
Hey!
623
00:44:47,151 --> 00:44:48,482
I have to go to church.
624
00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:52,288
Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door!
625
00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:02,256
All right, this is not what it looks like.
It was a project for school.
626
00:45:02,332 --> 00:45:03,492
Purple Soda!
627
00:45:12,710 --> 00:45:13,904
Wiener!
628
00:45:17,848 --> 00:45:18,837
Ow!
629
00:45:41,171 --> 00:45:42,661
There you are.
630
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:47,843
Come on, come on.
I do not want to die naked.
631
00:45:54,218 --> 00:45:58,484
Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch!
632
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:10,025
Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy!
633
00:46:10,234 --> 00:46:14,295
I'm gonna ask you this just one time.
Did she give you the nugget?
634
00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:16,172
Hey, hold on!
635
00:46:17,841 --> 00:46:19,069
Come on, man, she's not worth it.
636
00:46:19,143 --> 00:46:21,839
She's just gonna shit all over you.
Trust me.
637
00:46:22,246 --> 00:46:25,272
- She touch your butthole?
- No, no. Jesus, no!
638
00:46:25,349 --> 00:46:27,977
- Let's see!
- I thought she was a man. I'm gay.
639
00:46:28,051 --> 00:46:29,643
I'm gay as hell.
640
00:46:32,122 --> 00:46:34,590
Eat bat, dickhead!
641
00:46:36,193 --> 00:46:37,626
Holy shit!
642
00:46:39,730 --> 00:46:40,890
Ian just killed that guy.
643
00:46:40,964 --> 00:46:43,091
Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
644
00:46:43,167 --> 00:46:46,500
Look, I have my insurance card.
I'm sorry. We're from out of town.
645
00:46:46,570 --> 00:46:50,062
I couldn't see you through the corn.
I'm sorry.
646
00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:55,874
Where the hell's the road?
- It feels like left.
647
00:46:55,946 --> 00:46:57,106
I told you we didn't have time for this,
648
00:46:57,181 --> 00:46:59,445
- but all you care about is your stupid dick.
- Ian.
649
00:46:59,516 --> 00:47:01,177
And you leave us out there
with her mom's weird soda.
650
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:03,651
- Ian.
- And her dad's balls in plain view...
651
00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:04,846
Ian, Ian, whip a shitty!
652
00:47:04,922 --> 00:47:06,219
Motherfucker!
653
00:47:17,034 --> 00:47:20,231
Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that!
654
00:47:20,404 --> 00:47:24,204
Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving.
Lance, you suck!
655
00:47:24,474 --> 00:47:26,772
Where the hell are we?
- Where are the Google maps?
656
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,278
- They're in my pants.
- Which are?
657
00:47:29,980 --> 00:47:31,777
In the trailer.
658
00:47:33,450 --> 00:47:35,611
Mmm-hmm. Great.
659
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,586
Shit. I got gum in my bush.
660
00:47:44,428 --> 00:47:46,794
Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can
show us back to the highway.
661
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:50,425
- Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker.
- Don't worry, I won't.
662
00:47:52,069 --> 00:47:53,866
No, no, no.
663
00:47:55,138 --> 00:47:57,038
Oh, my God.
664
00:47:59,276 --> 00:48:03,269
Hey! Thanks for the lift, man.
I've been out there for hours.
665
00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:05,409
Not one car. Can you believe it?
666
00:48:05,482 --> 00:48:08,110
- Listen, sir, we didn't...
- You're good people.
667
00:48:08,185 --> 00:48:11,643
- Guy, you're not wearing any pants.
- Yeah, I know.
668
00:48:12,089 --> 00:48:13,113
Right on.
669
00:48:13,190 --> 00:48:15,090
Let's go. We better go.
670
00:48:16,660 --> 00:48:18,525
Hey, you got my stuff.
671
00:48:20,998 --> 00:48:24,900
Hey, real quick, guys,
what's the story of the girl?
672
00:48:24,968 --> 00:48:28,961
- I'm 25 years old.
- I don't know what he's talking about.
673
00:48:38,615 --> 00:48:43,177
I got nothing. There's no bars.
You know, it probably just needs water.
674
00:48:43,487 --> 00:48:45,011
Got any in the trunk?
675
00:48:45,222 --> 00:48:47,816
Hey, sweetheart, men are talking.
We got this one.
676
00:48:47,891 --> 00:48:50,860
Yeah, thanks,
but this happened to my brother's car once
677
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:53,726
- and you just piss in the radiator.
- Really?
678
00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:55,556
Yeah.
679
00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:58,827
Oh, God! Damn it!
680
00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,238
- Are you okay?
- Fuck. Yeah.
681
00:49:02,306 --> 00:49:04,001
That's a lesson learned.
682
00:49:06,643 --> 00:49:08,508
You can watch,
if you're into that kind of thing.
683
00:49:08,578 --> 00:49:12,014
Wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen
your dick enough for one day.
684
00:49:12,082 --> 00:49:16,917
Do you hear that? There's a ringing.
- Your loss. It's like razor blades.
685
00:49:16,987 --> 00:49:21,788
What? There's ants down here. FYI.
686
00:49:21,858 --> 00:49:26,625
All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it.
687
00:49:27,364 --> 00:49:30,629
Okay. Go away.
688
00:49:31,034 --> 00:49:35,164
Dude, seriously? Still?
I thought you got over this shit.
689
00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:38,174
You're a grown man.
690
00:49:45,549 --> 00:49:49,041
Flowing river, gentle stream.
Flowing river, gentle stream.
691
00:49:49,119 --> 00:49:53,579
- Yo, stage fright, how're we doing?
- Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute.
692
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:59,486
Excuse me.
We kind of need you to pee in the radiator.
693
00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:03,158
- Why?
- We just do.
694
00:50:04,501 --> 00:50:08,028
I'm sorry. I just took a squirt
a couple of minutes ago.
695
00:50:09,106 --> 00:50:11,097
You want me to shit in it?
696
00:50:12,209 --> 00:50:14,541
- We'll get back to you on that one.
- All right.
697
00:50:16,713 --> 00:50:19,307
- I'm telling you, I could shit right now.
- Awesome.
698
00:50:21,251 --> 00:50:24,243
Our new friend's got nothing left
in the tank.
699
00:50:28,792 --> 00:50:29,952
What?
700
00:50:33,563 --> 00:50:38,227
No. Guys, come on.
I don't have the aim that you do.
701
00:50:38,301 --> 00:50:42,032
Every drop helps so much.
702
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:47,240
Hey, look what I found in my bag.
703
00:50:47,310 --> 00:50:48,641
Thank God.
704
00:50:49,079 --> 00:50:52,344
- No!
- What the fuck are you doing?
705
00:50:56,119 --> 00:51:00,078
You all just wait 20 minutes
and I'll top it off for you.
706
00:51:02,726 --> 00:51:04,284
Could be ten.
707
00:51:04,361 --> 00:51:08,127
Fine, fine. Okay.
But if any of you pervs peek,
708
00:51:08,198 --> 00:51:11,429
I swear to God it will be
your last conscious act.
709
00:51:19,376 --> 00:51:20,502
Shit.
710
00:51:35,158 --> 00:51:37,126
You kids need some help?
711
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,024
Hi.
712
00:51:51,241 --> 00:51:52,435
Are you okay?
713
00:51:52,509 --> 00:51:55,637
Yeah, I'm great.
I just beaved a family of four.
714
00:51:56,813 --> 00:51:58,007
Try it.
715
00:52:03,487 --> 00:52:04,647
All set?
716
00:52:04,721 --> 00:52:07,554
Look, I'm sorry, sir,
but we can't give you a ride.
717
00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:11,752
I'm gonna say this once.
718
00:52:11,828 --> 00:52:15,821
You unlock this fucking car,
or God is my witness,
719
00:52:16,366 --> 00:52:18,527
I'll stake you all to the ground,
720
00:52:18,602 --> 00:52:21,867
cut you open and let the dogs get at you.
721
00:52:23,373 --> 00:52:24,362
Oh, yeah?
722
00:52:27,177 --> 00:52:29,372
Bye-bye.
723
00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:36,816
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
724
00:52:36,887 --> 00:52:38,718
What happened?
- It's stuck.
725
00:52:42,459 --> 00:52:43,824
Uh-oh.
726
00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:46,829
That didn't work out like you planned,
did it?
727
00:52:46,897 --> 00:52:51,266
You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed.
It shows zero character.
728
00:52:51,334 --> 00:52:52,892
I know, I'm sorry.
729
00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:54,630
And you're a dick.
730
00:52:55,205 --> 00:52:59,403
You're a dick. You know what, ma'am?
You're a dick, too.
731
00:53:04,147 --> 00:53:06,877
- Here's that pee you ordered.
- Roll them up.
732
00:53:08,818 --> 00:53:12,754
- There you go, Tex.
- You're soaked with pee.
733
00:53:12,822 --> 00:53:14,380
Quick car wash?
734
00:53:14,457 --> 00:53:16,891
- God!
- Gross.
735
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:20,555
It smells like beef jerky. You know?
736
00:53:21,231 --> 00:53:24,291
It's just got like that sour sweetness.
737
00:53:26,436 --> 00:53:28,996
How can nobody go down a road
for an hour and a half?
738
00:53:29,072 --> 00:53:30,903
Why did they even make this stupid road?
739
00:53:30,974 --> 00:53:33,306
It's so hot out here.
740
00:53:33,376 --> 00:53:34,365
Ow!
741
00:53:37,814 --> 00:53:42,478
Oh, my God, your head.
Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see.
742
00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:44,678
Yes. It hurts.
743
00:53:46,957 --> 00:53:50,393
- What is that?
- Oh, my God.
744
00:53:53,964 --> 00:53:54,953
Wow.
745
00:54:07,644 --> 00:54:10,169
That is so beautiful.
746
00:54:19,389 --> 00:54:20,481
Need some help?
747
00:54:21,658 --> 00:54:26,686
- Yeah, but no offense...
- Right, 'cause I'm Amish,
748
00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:29,732
so I wouldn't know anything
about your '69 GTO Judge.
749
00:54:30,033 --> 00:54:33,799
455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi,
something like that.
750
00:54:33,870 --> 00:54:36,896
Weird, that thing must have fallen
straight from space.
751
00:54:36,973 --> 00:54:39,669
Well, good luck with the future ride,
spaceman.
752
00:54:42,379 --> 00:54:44,506
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.
753
00:54:44,881 --> 00:54:46,041
Wow!
754
00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:47,140
Okay.
755
00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:51,517
What are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea.
756
00:54:51,688 --> 00:54:52,848
- What?
- Come on.
757
00:54:52,922 --> 00:54:55,447
You don't know how far we have to walk.
Those are your only pair of shoes.
758
00:54:55,525 --> 00:54:58,790
You know what? You're probably right.
God, you're so sensible.
759
00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:01,624
But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't?
760
00:55:01,698 --> 00:55:02,995
I should.
761
00:55:05,502 --> 00:55:07,197
I can't believe you just did that.
762
00:55:07,270 --> 00:55:10,364
So he met this chick on the Internet,
which is sketchy.
763
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:11,930
The Internet?
764
00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:16,871
Yeah, it's like a series of computers
that are connected through...
765
00:55:16,946 --> 00:55:18,277
Computers?
766
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:23,511
A computer is like a big calculator,
you know, with the screen.
767
00:55:23,586 --> 00:55:25,918
I'm just busting your balls, man.
I know what the Internet is.
768
00:55:28,758 --> 00:55:30,817
- Okay.
- You ever heard of Rumspringa?
769
00:55:30,894 --> 00:55:33,328
Yeah, that ska band from Delaware.
770
00:55:33,396 --> 00:55:37,594
No, it means "run wild." It's an Amish
tradition where when we turn 16,
771
00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:40,227
we can go live like you heathens
for a while.
772
00:55:40,303 --> 00:55:45,536
You go nuts, party for months or years
till your folks start hassling you,
773
00:55:45,608 --> 00:55:47,974
and then it's back to the Stone Age.
774
00:55:48,044 --> 00:55:50,035
But if you're on Rumspringa,
what's with the buggy?
775
00:55:50,113 --> 00:55:53,310
Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore.
776
00:55:53,383 --> 00:55:55,783
I probably shouldn't even be
talking to you but...
777
00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:58,685
I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw.
778
00:55:58,755 --> 00:56:02,213
- Sometimes I just miss the world.
- What do you miss the most?
779
00:56:02,292 --> 00:56:05,489
You know, I miss sarcasm.
It's mostly lost on my people.
780
00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:06,586
Oh.
781
00:56:06,663 --> 00:56:12,363
And gambling. Went to Vegas once.
And buttfucking.
782
00:56:14,003 --> 00:56:16,198
Have a lot of nice memories there.
783
00:56:16,272 --> 00:56:18,103
I hear that.
- Oh, yeah.
784
00:56:18,942 --> 00:56:20,273
Buttfucking.
785
00:56:21,344 --> 00:56:23,812
Wait, are we talking about dudes?
786
00:56:24,547 --> 00:56:26,913
- No.
- Okay. Then yeah.
787
00:56:27,951 --> 00:56:31,785
I mean, unless that's what you're into,
and then, whatever.
788
00:56:31,855 --> 00:56:33,584
- It's not.
- No?
789
00:56:33,656 --> 00:56:34,645
No.
790
00:56:35,191 --> 00:56:37,853
- Not into dudes.
- No, no, no, no, no.
791
00:56:38,294 --> 00:56:40,819
- How old are you?
- Old enough.
792
00:56:42,432 --> 00:56:44,059
How old are you?
793
00:56:49,806 --> 00:56:51,637
This is gonna happen.
794
00:56:53,810 --> 00:56:56,142
It's gonna happen
whether you fight it or not.
795
00:56:56,212 --> 00:56:58,646
So I kind of want you to fight it.
796
00:57:00,283 --> 00:57:01,307
Cut.
797
00:57:01,384 --> 00:57:04,444
- All right. Now you.
- No way. Forget it.
798
00:57:04,521 --> 00:57:07,046
Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever.
799
00:57:07,123 --> 00:57:10,251
Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country
to go to...
800
00:57:10,326 --> 00:57:13,887
To visit your grandma? Whoa!
801
00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:16,828
So anyway, we're there and she's like...
802
00:57:18,768 --> 00:57:19,757
Oh, yeah.
803
00:57:20,570 --> 00:57:21,764
Like, she won't stop crying.
804
00:57:21,838 --> 00:57:23,328
- That's the funniest thing, too.
- I know.
805
00:57:23,406 --> 00:57:27,240
I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas,
and I was like, "you want this?"
806
00:57:27,310 --> 00:57:30,905
So she's like, "Yeah, I want it, I want it."
807
00:57:32,148 --> 00:57:34,480
And I was like,
yeah, this gets hotter by the second.
808
00:57:34,551 --> 00:57:38,282
"What're you crying about?" She's like,
"...wanted to be a doctor."
809
00:57:38,354 --> 00:57:43,291
And I'm like,
"Yeah, you're a fucking Ph.D. of cock."
810
00:57:43,359 --> 00:57:45,259
- Yeah.
- Yeah, exactly.
811
00:57:45,328 --> 00:57:49,492
And then coercing my load
out on to the crying face.
812
00:57:49,566 --> 00:57:53,366
Vegas in general is just... Good times.
813
00:57:54,504 --> 00:57:56,665
You can get a blowjob for $10.
814
00:57:56,773 --> 00:58:00,971
Or for free if you meet the right girl
and tell her "I'm on Rumspringa."
815
00:58:01,044 --> 00:58:03,842
"What is this blowjob that you speak of?"
816
00:58:04,547 --> 00:58:06,913
"Your techno music beguiles me."
817
00:58:08,251 --> 00:58:10,310
Let me put it in your butt.
818
00:58:10,386 --> 00:58:12,081
You know, when you cut your foot on
a piece of glass,
819
00:58:12,155 --> 00:58:14,589
- don't think I'm gonna carry you.
- You know what? I will be fine. Okay?
820
00:58:14,657 --> 00:58:19,560
- I was born barefoot.
- Hey! Wait!
821
00:58:19,629 --> 00:58:22,689
Hey! Stop!
822
00:58:26,402 --> 00:58:28,393
Have a nice walk, shit-birds.
823
00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:33,005
Oh!
824
00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:39,141
Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel.
825
00:58:39,215 --> 00:58:40,910
What up, English?
826
00:58:49,859 --> 00:58:51,690
There's no service out here.
827
00:58:52,028 --> 00:58:55,054
- I can't even tell her I'll be late.
- Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting.
828
00:58:55,131 --> 00:58:57,292
You don't want to come off as desperate.
829
00:58:57,367 --> 00:59:00,097
I'm driving nine hours.
How am I not coming off desperate?
830
00:59:00,169 --> 00:59:04,196
- We had shit to do.
- Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff?
831
00:59:05,108 --> 00:59:07,872
You blew your head gasket.
That's not good.
832
00:59:07,944 --> 00:59:10,469
- Shit.
- Don't cry. We can fix it.
833
00:59:10,547 --> 00:59:12,674
- Really?
- Yeah, really. We're good at it.
834
00:59:12,749 --> 00:59:14,273
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it,
835
00:59:14,350 --> 00:59:15,476
but it's an impressive thing.
836
00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:17,383
- Yeah. We'll fix it.
- Wow, that'd be cool.
837
00:59:17,453 --> 00:59:21,685
Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it?
I might be the coolest guy you ever met.
838
00:59:21,758 --> 00:59:22,986
- Wow.
- Wow.
839
00:59:23,993 --> 00:59:25,585
- Thank you.
- Yeah. You're welcome.
840
00:59:25,662 --> 00:59:28,256
That's what you say
when people do nice things for you.
841
00:59:28,331 --> 00:59:30,390
You know, there's a pretty big shindig
shaping up next door
842
00:59:30,466 --> 00:59:33,492
if you guys want to hang there
while we work on it.
843
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,403
Take it easy while we do all this for you.
844
00:59:39,042 --> 00:59:42,534
- Does he have an attitude?
- No, he's fucking with you.
845
00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:44,573
Okay.
846
00:59:45,949 --> 00:59:49,783
Just relax, man.
I got a good feeling about this, you know.
847
00:59:49,852 --> 00:59:51,285
You're gonna party with the Amish.
848
00:59:51,354 --> 00:59:54,414
Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be
one kick-ass quilting bee.
849
00:59:57,393 --> 00:59:58,883
What's up, man?
850
00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:04,025
- Hey.
- No f-ing way!
851
01:00:06,102 --> 01:00:11,039
When I'm home alone
I just can't stop myself
852
01:00:11,708 --> 01:00:14,302
- This is insane!
- I know.
853
01:00:16,846 --> 01:00:23,809
Signing off, " I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen"
854
01:00:23,886 --> 01:00:28,880
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
855
01:00:29,425 --> 01:00:34,488
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
856
01:00:35,064 --> 01:00:40,559
The kid was all right, but it went to his head
857
01:00:48,277 --> 01:00:53,681
Thank you, guys, very, very, very much.
You guys fucking rule, man.
858
01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:13,230
Dude. Don't even bother.
Your game is not gonna work on that girl.
859
01:01:13,536 --> 01:01:17,666
What do you know about girls?
I've never even seen you with a girl.
860
01:01:18,408 --> 01:01:20,638
I'm gonna go check on the car.
861
01:01:26,616 --> 01:01:28,550
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.
862
01:01:28,985 --> 01:01:33,422
- Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize.
- Come on. Don't be hating.
863
01:01:38,094 --> 01:01:39,584
Fine.
864
01:01:51,354 --> 01:01:52,878
So at this point,
her panties are off,
865
01:01:52,955 --> 01:01:55,219
but I'm still apprehensive
about her husband being there,
866
01:01:55,291 --> 01:01:56,849
'cause he is just staring at me.
867
01:01:56,924 --> 01:02:02,624
Whoa! Hey, what is this?
Why are the seats out?
868
01:02:02,697 --> 01:02:05,029
Ian, do you know anything
about fixing these old Pontiacs?
869
01:02:05,099 --> 01:02:09,195
I don't care, okay?
Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just
870
01:02:09,270 --> 01:02:12,330
- put them back in there. I don't want...
- Ian, you've gotta calm down.
871
01:02:12,406 --> 01:02:13,737
Do you know any breathing exercises?
872
01:02:13,808 --> 01:02:15,969
Because you are right on the verge
of a freak-out.
873
01:02:16,043 --> 01:02:20,844
You don't know my brother, okay?
He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters.
874
01:02:20,915 --> 01:02:24,544
What? He's gonna what? With what?
875
01:02:24,618 --> 01:02:29,385
Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early,
and he's gonna walk into the bank,
876
01:02:29,457 --> 01:02:31,550
stand in line, change a 10,
877
01:02:31,692 --> 01:02:35,526
find my ass and just fuck it
with a roll of fucking quarters.
878
01:02:50,611 --> 01:02:52,408
Yeah, witness sucks!
879
01:02:53,981 --> 01:02:56,643
We've got to get that guy laid tonight.
880
01:02:57,084 --> 01:02:59,211
Is your sister still a slut?
881
01:03:24,478 --> 01:03:28,812
Check it out. It's totally working.
882
01:03:28,883 --> 01:03:31,113
You're the best wing-man ever.
883
01:03:31,185 --> 01:03:33,710
She's in, she's in. Watch this.
884
01:03:43,864 --> 01:03:47,129
Rumspringa! Whoo!
885
01:03:49,003 --> 01:03:51,335
- I took a wicked digger.
- Yes, you did.
886
01:03:51,405 --> 01:03:53,896
I think you may have had a little too much
to drink. Maybe you should...
887
01:03:53,974 --> 01:03:59,173
Maybe you should shut your face hole
'cause I've only had one beer ever.
888
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:05,583
- First day of Rumspringa?
- Rumspringa!
889
01:04:08,722 --> 01:04:10,314
- Uh-oh!
- Oh!
890
01:04:12,893 --> 01:04:13,985
Hey.
891
01:04:16,197 --> 01:04:21,794
- All right. Okay. You good? All right.
- Aw! You guys are so nice.
892
01:04:21,869 --> 01:04:23,860
Don't let her step in it.
893
01:04:25,573 --> 01:04:29,304
I love you guys 'cause you're awesome.
894
01:04:29,376 --> 01:04:31,207
'Cause you're awesome.
895
01:04:31,946 --> 01:04:34,972
Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off.
896
01:04:35,950 --> 01:04:39,044
What? What's wrong with you?
897
01:04:39,286 --> 01:04:43,052
- Yeah, what's your problem, bitch?
- Nothing. I'm fine.
898
01:04:43,190 --> 01:04:46,216
Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off.
899
01:04:46,527 --> 01:04:47,960
- It's Lance, right?
- No.
900
01:04:48,028 --> 01:04:50,394
I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl
and you're out here.
901
01:04:50,464 --> 01:04:51,488
Wrong.
902
01:04:51,565 --> 01:04:54,432
Come on, Leesh, just drop
the hard-ass thing for two minutes.
903
01:04:54,501 --> 01:04:58,130
You know. It's okay. You're into Lance.
904
01:05:00,641 --> 01:05:04,008
- God, I'm such an idiot.
- Look, there's something about Lance.
905
01:05:05,145 --> 01:05:09,377
Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance.
906
01:05:10,885 --> 01:05:13,820
Just promise me
you won't ever be like Lance.
907
01:05:15,756 --> 01:05:20,557
What is wrong with us?
Let's go have some fun. Come on.
908
01:05:21,095 --> 01:05:23,120
- No. No.
- No?
909
01:05:23,631 --> 01:05:28,568
Come on, we're young, and we're Amish,
and it's Rumspringa.
910
01:05:28,636 --> 01:05:30,126
Rumspringa!
911
01:05:57,431 --> 01:06:00,229
Ian, you little cock-sucker!
912
01:06:38,172 --> 01:06:39,196
Ah!
913
01:06:39,273 --> 01:06:41,935
Leesh, you're so stubborn.
Look at your feet.
914
01:06:42,009 --> 01:06:44,307
They are fine. All right?
915
01:06:45,813 --> 01:06:48,077
Hey. What's the plan?
916
01:06:49,416 --> 01:06:52,317
I might as well find a phone and call Rex
917
01:06:53,087 --> 01:06:57,114
- so he can get on with killing me.
- What about visiting your grandma?
918
01:06:57,358 --> 01:07:00,816
Yeah, dude. You been putting off
visiting your grandma for too long.
919
01:07:00,894 --> 01:07:04,159
- It's about time you visited Grandma.
- Yeah.
920
01:07:04,231 --> 01:07:09,464
Lance, you know,
I really do want to visit my grandma, but...
921
01:07:09,536 --> 01:07:14,405
Dude, I really can't stress enough how
much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.
922
01:07:14,775 --> 01:07:18,336
You know, I visit my grandma sometimes
two or three times a week,
923
01:07:18,412 --> 01:07:21,609
and it is always a pleasure.
She's just a delight.
924
01:07:21,749 --> 01:07:22,773
What am I supposed to do?
925
01:07:22,883 --> 01:07:25,181
Our transportation is all over the floor
of that barn.
926
01:07:25,252 --> 01:07:26,583
Hey, Mary!
927
01:07:28,956 --> 01:07:29,945
Hi.
928
01:07:33,727 --> 01:07:37,026
Wow, you look beautiful.
929
01:07:37,498 --> 01:07:38,726
Oh, please.
930
01:07:38,799 --> 01:07:44,032
I mean, seriously, you wearing that,
churning some butter. Sexy.
931
01:07:44,104 --> 01:07:46,834
So I had the best time with you last night.
932
01:07:46,907 --> 01:07:48,340
Yeah, me, too.
933
01:07:48,409 --> 01:07:51,276
So you got my number.
You're gonna call me, right?
934
01:07:52,446 --> 01:07:53,640
No.
935
01:07:54,815 --> 01:07:57,545
"No." You're funny.
936
01:07:58,285 --> 01:08:03,985
I mean, Lance, I really like you,
but Rumspringa's over for me.
937
01:08:04,825 --> 01:08:06,918
- So...
- Rumspringa!
938
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:14,565
Sorry.
939
01:08:40,494 --> 01:08:41,688
You fixed it?
940
01:08:41,762 --> 01:08:45,254
Yeah, we hit a few snags,
but she's banging like a champ now.
941
01:08:45,332 --> 01:08:48,199
Man, I don't even...
I don't even know what to say here.
942
01:08:48,268 --> 01:08:50,668
You know, I don't really have much...
943
01:08:50,737 --> 01:08:52,534
Oh, no, we're good. We're good.
944
01:08:52,606 --> 01:08:56,303
I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor,
that's a gift.
945
01:08:56,677 --> 01:08:59,942
Man, you're too... Here, thanks.
Thank you so much.
946
01:09:00,013 --> 01:09:01,674
- You're welcome.
- Thank you, it's really cool.
947
01:09:01,748 --> 01:09:03,716
It is. You know, I mean,
948
01:09:03,784 --> 01:09:07,117
if you felt the need to reciprocate
in some way,
949
01:09:07,187 --> 01:09:09,587
I mean, there's a lot of chores
that need to be done around here.
950
01:09:09,656 --> 01:09:13,752
Yeah, no, the only thing about that is
we're kind of behind schedule right now.
951
01:09:13,827 --> 01:09:15,852
Yeah, but, I mean,
we could totally come back.
952
01:09:15,929 --> 01:09:18,227
- We could hit you on our way back through.
- Okay.
953
01:09:18,298 --> 01:09:20,926
Yeah, you should.
You should really get on the road.
954
01:09:21,001 --> 01:09:25,836
I mean, you got a smooth-running
vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.
955
01:09:25,906 --> 01:09:30,741
- Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good?
- We're good. Yeah, technically.
956
01:09:31,011 --> 01:09:33,206
I mean, we fixed your car for free,
and you're leaving.
957
01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:35,908
So I'd say that makes us dead square.
958
01:09:37,317 --> 01:09:38,648
We'll come back. I promise.
959
01:09:38,719 --> 01:09:42,018
- I'm looking forward to that.
- Hey, no, seriously, we will.
960
01:09:42,089 --> 01:09:44,523
Okay. We'll all hold our breath
till you get back.
961
01:09:44,591 --> 01:09:47,685
On three, guys. Three, two...
962
01:09:57,371 --> 01:10:00,898
My stomach's killing me.
Tell me if you see a rest stop.
963
01:10:01,775 --> 01:10:03,208
You know, I really feel sorry for Mary
964
01:10:03,277 --> 01:10:07,145
because her lifestyle is keeping her
from being happy.
965
01:10:07,214 --> 01:10:09,444
And that's no way to live.
966
01:10:09,516 --> 01:10:13,316
Lance, don't you know your little theory of
"People want what they can't get."
967
01:10:13,387 --> 01:10:15,821
That's all she is. Ian, gas station.
968
01:10:15,889 --> 01:10:20,826
No. Felicia, this is different okay,
because she changed me.
969
01:10:20,894 --> 01:10:23,556
You know, I'm a butterfly now
because of her.
970
01:10:23,630 --> 01:10:28,226
Because when I'm with her,
I was like a spiritually whole human being.
971
01:10:28,302 --> 01:10:32,432
And if you don't believe that,
you can suck my dick.
972
01:10:52,459 --> 01:10:55,451
Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian.
973
01:10:55,696 --> 01:10:57,493
'Cause you're a big, giant pussy.
That's right.
974
01:10:57,564 --> 01:11:01,295
I'm gonna lift up this door
and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge
975
01:11:01,368 --> 01:11:04,030
is gonna be sitting right there
gleaming at me,
976
01:11:04,104 --> 01:11:07,164
or I'm gonna have the fucking
neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.
977
01:11:24,758 --> 01:11:25,918
Want some of this?
978
01:11:31,465 --> 01:11:33,160
He took my fucking baby.
979
01:11:35,168 --> 01:11:36,499
Cocksucker!
980
01:11:40,674 --> 01:11:41,732
Shit!
981
01:11:41,808 --> 01:11:45,471
Hey, Knievel, what say you get
your bike out of the fricking road?
982
01:11:45,612 --> 01:11:48,103
Hey! Hey!
983
01:12:07,334 --> 01:12:09,131
All ocupado, sport?
984
01:12:14,408 --> 01:12:17,206
Sounds like
someone's got one in sideways.
985
01:12:23,083 --> 01:12:24,277
Gents.
986
01:12:24,885 --> 01:12:29,083
Well, looks like we're up.
Go on, get in there.
987
01:12:37,631 --> 01:12:38,620
Oh!
988
01:12:39,566 --> 01:12:41,397
Am I getting a signal?
989
01:12:42,969 --> 01:12:46,200
Tasty, I got sidetracked last night.
990
01:12:47,274 --> 01:12:50,300
I had to party with some new homies.
991
01:12:53,046 --> 01:12:57,244
Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy.
992
01:12:58,952 --> 01:13:00,715
I'm worth the wait.
993
01:13:05,625 --> 01:13:06,614
Yes!
994
01:13:14,735 --> 01:13:18,762
No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you!
995
01:13:21,842 --> 01:13:25,369
Hello? Little buddy? Hello.
996
01:13:27,180 --> 01:13:29,114
Spooner. Spooner. Spooner.
997
01:13:31,785 --> 01:13:35,448
Was that you screaming in there?
- I don't want to talk about it. Ever.
998
01:13:35,522 --> 01:13:38,548
- Where's Felicia?
- She went to get corn dogs.
999
01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:06,048
Can you believe
the girls around here, man?
1000
01:14:06,119 --> 01:14:10,112
But, man, where am I ever gonna find
another girl as cool as Mary?
1001
01:14:13,326 --> 01:14:14,725
You like it?
1002
01:14:19,499 --> 01:14:22,059
- What about Felicia?
- What about her?
1003
01:14:25,505 --> 01:14:29,236
- She's into you.
- Yeah, no shit. Get in line.
1004
01:14:29,309 --> 01:14:32,039
What is that?
She's not good enough for you?
1005
01:14:32,112 --> 01:14:34,046
Felicia's awesome,
1006
01:14:34,114 --> 01:14:37,242
but the obvious statement to make here
is that you like her.
1007
01:14:38,084 --> 01:14:42,578
- What? No, I...
- You're shocked. You can't believe it.
1008
01:14:42,656 --> 01:14:47,059
- This bombshell. Come on.
- You know, she's not into me anyways.
1009
01:14:47,127 --> 01:14:51,188
Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter.
I still... I could never do that to you.
1010
01:14:52,566 --> 01:14:56,400
Okay, but you do know
that she's not into you, right?
1011
01:14:56,470 --> 01:15:00,930
- Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know.
- No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you.
1012
01:15:01,007 --> 01:15:05,467
There's no maybe. Okay?
And I'm saying this as your best friend,
1013
01:15:05,545 --> 01:15:11,142
but never. Never fucking ever. You know?
1014
01:15:11,218 --> 01:15:12,480
Because you guys are friends.
1015
01:15:12,552 --> 01:15:16,283
You know what every girl
I've ever banged had in common?
1016
01:15:17,424 --> 01:15:19,654
I wasn't friends with any of them.
1017
01:15:19,726 --> 01:15:23,184
And usually they have awesome tits,
but not always.
1018
01:15:24,030 --> 01:15:26,931
Sometimes you get that bronze medal,
you know?
1019
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:30,458
Real simple.
Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize.
1020
01:15:30,537 --> 01:15:34,064
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no height requirement.
1021
01:15:34,174 --> 01:15:37,905
Why don't you step up
and win your girlfriend a prize?
1022
01:15:37,978 --> 01:15:40,242
We're not... She's not my girlfriend.
1023
01:15:40,313 --> 01:15:43,407
- What about your other girlfriend there?
- Nice.
1024
01:16:01,067 --> 01:16:02,864
All right, come on, Ian. You can do it.
1025
01:16:02,936 --> 01:16:06,099
Come on, you're almost there!
You're almost there! Go, go, go!
1026
01:16:06,306 --> 01:16:08,103
Winner! Winner! Winner!
1027
01:16:09,476 --> 01:16:11,876
- That was awesome.
- How the hell did you do that?
1028
01:16:11,945 --> 01:16:14,140
We had one of these at Cub Scout camp.
I kind of mastered it.
1029
01:16:14,214 --> 01:16:16,239
Yeah, you think you're hot shit?
1030
01:16:18,285 --> 01:16:21,220
- Lolly?
- Thank you.
1031
01:16:24,958 --> 01:16:26,687
Hey, hey, hey, ass.
1032
01:16:30,230 --> 01:16:32,221
Hey. What's your secret?
1033
01:16:32,299 --> 01:16:35,132
You just...
If you keep your shoulders down...
1034
01:16:35,201 --> 01:16:37,863
- No coaching.
- What?
1035
01:16:38,271 --> 01:16:40,637
No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.
1036
01:16:41,908 --> 01:16:43,307
No coaching.
1037
01:16:45,645 --> 01:16:47,272
Cheese and rice!
1038
01:16:47,814 --> 01:16:48,803
Oh!
1039
01:16:50,250 --> 01:16:53,617
- Thanks. I'm Sandy.
- I'm Ian.
1040
01:16:54,187 --> 01:16:55,449
- Hi.
- Hey.
1041
01:16:59,426 --> 01:17:03,624
- Consolation prize?
- Wow! Thank you so much.
1042
01:17:03,697 --> 01:17:06,393
You know, my dance team's performing
over at the tent in a couple of minutes.
1043
01:17:06,466 --> 01:17:07,831
You guys should come watch.
1044
01:17:07,901 --> 01:17:10,734
- Actually, we were just about to go.
- That sounds super fun. He'll be there.
1045
01:17:10,804 --> 01:17:12,465
Great. See you.
1046
01:17:13,707 --> 01:17:15,937
Dude, that girl reeks of sex.
1047
01:17:16,776 --> 01:17:18,266
- Really?
- Yeah.
1048
01:17:18,511 --> 01:17:21,674
Hey, Harry Potter,
take you and your girlfriends out of here.
1049
01:17:23,450 --> 01:17:27,181
What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres?
I will crush you.
1050
01:17:27,787 --> 01:17:30,381
That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady.
1051
01:17:32,258 --> 01:17:35,352
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
1052
01:17:35,895 --> 01:17:38,921
Why don't they just let me live?
1053
01:17:40,233 --> 01:17:41,666
I don't need permission
1054
01:17:41,735 --> 01:17:43,635
- Do we really have time for...
- Hey, hey.
1055
01:17:43,703 --> 01:17:45,364
You have to stop doing that to him.
1056
01:17:45,438 --> 01:17:47,372
- Doing what?
- Twat blocking.
1057
01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:50,603
I'm not twat... Doing that.
1058
01:17:59,486 --> 01:18:03,786
Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers!
1059
01:18:04,891 --> 01:18:08,224
Come on, girls,
let's help me get some fellas up in here.
1060
01:18:10,096 --> 01:18:11,358
- Ian.
- Oh, no. Please.
1061
01:18:11,431 --> 01:18:13,490
Get up there. Come on.
1062
01:18:13,566 --> 01:18:14,828
Come on!
1063
01:18:15,702 --> 01:18:17,431
In the back! In the back!
1064
01:18:17,737 --> 01:18:19,830
Yeah!
1065
01:18:23,109 --> 01:18:25,100
Come on, two more, two more!
1066
01:18:27,213 --> 01:18:28,202
Yeah!
1067
01:18:31,217 --> 01:18:32,741
Dude, turn around.
1068
01:18:41,094 --> 01:18:46,498
Look at this fine crop
of handsome fellas I got here.
1069
01:18:48,201 --> 01:18:50,897
But before we get down to business,
1070
01:18:50,970 --> 01:18:52,494
there's a young woman here
1071
01:18:52,572 --> 01:18:55,564
who would like to share her story
with these young men.
1072
01:18:55,642 --> 01:18:59,635
- Kristy, you ready, baby?
- Okay.
1073
01:19:02,482 --> 01:19:06,748
So, last year I was at a dance
with my boyfriend.
1074
01:19:06,820 --> 01:19:08,913
He wanted to go to his car.
1075
01:19:09,589 --> 01:19:10,851
So I did.
1076
01:19:11,391 --> 01:19:16,886
So we were both naked in the back seat
and we started having oral...
1077
01:19:41,221 --> 01:19:42,813
Yeah!
1078
01:19:55,902 --> 01:19:57,836
Daddy likes that!
1079
01:20:00,273 --> 01:20:01,365
Excuse me!
1080
01:20:01,775 --> 01:20:07,145
Excuse me!
Is this tragic story turning you on?
1081
01:20:17,090 --> 01:20:22,357
This courageous young lady pours
her heart out and this is getting you hot?
1082
01:20:23,029 --> 01:20:25,395
It's time for you to pledge. Right now!
1083
01:20:25,899 --> 01:20:28,766
Boy, you need this more than anybody.
1084
01:20:30,136 --> 01:20:32,297
Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain.
1085
01:20:33,773 --> 01:20:38,233
I can't believe you took
a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on.
1086
01:20:38,411 --> 01:20:39,469
It's classic.
1087
01:20:39,546 --> 01:20:42,743
Look, I didn't even know what she was
talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?
1088
01:20:42,816 --> 01:20:44,681
- Ian! Hey!
- It gets better.
1089
01:20:44,751 --> 01:20:46,651
I am so proud of you!
1090
01:20:47,153 --> 01:20:48,745
Get away from me. Is that what you do?
1091
01:20:48,822 --> 01:20:52,155
You go out and you lure little dorks like me
into your little no-having-sex club?
1092
01:20:52,225 --> 01:20:54,216
Ian, it's not like that at all.
1093
01:20:54,294 --> 01:20:56,956
Just go away. Now.
1094
01:21:00,800 --> 01:21:03,735
- I would've eaten your asshole, you know.
- Really?
1095
01:21:03,803 --> 01:21:04,895
- Oh, man.
- Wow.
1096
01:21:04,971 --> 01:21:08,031
You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!
1097
01:21:10,777 --> 01:21:13,041
- You are dead, psycho-virgin!
- No, no!
1098
01:21:13,112 --> 01:21:15,046
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1099
01:21:18,117 --> 01:21:22,554
Hey, are you sure you want to get
dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?
1100
01:21:23,656 --> 01:21:26,022
Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like.
1101
01:21:26,092 --> 01:21:27,582
- Thank you.
- Welcome.
1102
01:21:40,540 --> 01:21:43,839
Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,
1103
01:21:43,910 --> 01:21:46,538
and I never should've tossed my shoes.
1104
01:21:46,846 --> 01:21:50,748
No, come on.
I love that your shoes are in that tree.
1105
01:21:53,453 --> 01:21:56,388
I do. That's premium Felicia.
1106
01:21:57,624 --> 01:21:59,114
Felicia Alpine.
1107
01:22:00,159 --> 01:22:01,148
Oh.
1108
01:22:01,995 --> 01:22:06,193
- So what'd you do to her?
- Hmm?
1109
01:22:06,266 --> 01:22:07,358
Smack her around a little bit?
1110
01:22:07,700 --> 01:22:09,600
She gets out of line, you pop her one?
1111
01:22:09,669 --> 01:22:13,332
- No. No, sir, I...
- I got you. I'm just teasing you, man.
1112
01:22:13,406 --> 01:22:14,998
We have fun.
1113
01:22:15,975 --> 01:22:18,034
- He didn't, though, did he?
- Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
1114
01:22:18,111 --> 01:22:20,602
Blink twice if you feel you're in danger.
1115
01:22:21,948 --> 01:22:24,041
Be back in a couple minutes.
I'm gonna wait for that to numb up.
1116
01:22:24,117 --> 01:22:25,141
Mmm-hmm.
1117
01:22:25,218 --> 01:22:27,243
Hands to yourself, O.J.
1118
01:22:29,255 --> 01:22:33,316
Ian, you know the other night
at Lance's party?
1119
01:22:36,029 --> 01:22:39,055
- Was I there?
- No, come on.
1120
01:22:40,633 --> 01:22:42,498
Here.
1121
01:22:46,072 --> 01:22:52,033
I mean, you know the only reason is
because I don't want to ruin our friendship.
1122
01:22:53,246 --> 01:22:57,478
Totally, I mean friendship is awesome.
Good call.
1123
01:22:58,685 --> 01:23:02,781
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.
1124
01:23:10,363 --> 01:23:14,959
- You won't.
- What are you thinking about?
1125
01:23:17,337 --> 01:23:20,397
- What are you thinking about?
- I asked you first.
1126
01:23:24,944 --> 01:23:26,138
You got a little loogie.
1127
01:23:29,215 --> 01:23:31,240
I'm gonna go see if Lance...
1128
01:23:31,317 --> 01:23:32,341
Mmm-hmm.
1129
01:23:32,418 --> 01:23:33,976
Go. Go.
1130
01:23:46,199 --> 01:23:49,726
Um, I'll take these as well.
1131
01:23:53,940 --> 01:23:58,502
They're not for me. They're not.
1132
01:24:07,186 --> 01:24:09,950
- Heads up.
- What's with you?
1133
01:24:11,824 --> 01:24:13,883
I'm thinking maybe we head back home.
1134
01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:15,723
What? Why?
1135
01:24:15,962 --> 01:24:19,557
Well, Felicia and I were talking in there,
1136
01:24:19,632 --> 01:24:23,363
- and we kind of had a moment.
- Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment?
1137
01:24:23,436 --> 01:24:25,028
- Yeah.
- You're a moron.
1138
01:24:25,671 --> 01:24:28,196
Fuck you. We've talked about this.
1139
01:24:28,508 --> 01:24:31,671
Look, we're almost there,
and I'm not letting her do this.
1140
01:24:31,778 --> 01:24:34,804
We're going to Knoxville,
and you're getting your nut.
1141
01:24:35,515 --> 01:24:37,608
No, I'm not. I'm not.
1142
01:24:37,683 --> 01:24:40,481
No, I'm gonna text Tasty,
and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming.
1143
01:24:40,553 --> 01:24:43,818
- Ian, get in this car.
- I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
1144
01:24:44,290 --> 01:24:48,818
Shit, where's my phone?
Hey, you got a new smile.
1145
01:24:48,895 --> 01:24:52,194
You have my phone. I didn't know...
This is for you.
1146
01:24:53,833 --> 01:24:55,130
Mmm! A message came in.
1147
01:24:55,334 --> 01:24:58,235
Your grandma says she's really excited
to see you.
1148
01:24:58,304 --> 01:25:00,636
And something about her hot,
shaved pussy.
1149
01:25:00,706 --> 01:25:02,037
Must be the cancer talking.
1150
01:25:03,209 --> 01:25:06,178
All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.
1151
01:25:10,016 --> 01:25:11,005
All I've got is frustration, frustration
1152
01:25:14,353 --> 01:25:17,550
I hate this vacation
1153
01:25:18,191 --> 01:25:20,659
So, give up, give up
Give up, give up
1154
01:25:21,861 --> 01:25:25,524
I've got to get away from here
It's killing me just thinking 'bout
1155
01:25:25,598 --> 01:25:30,535
Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...
1156
01:25:30,603 --> 01:25:33,071
Ian, you're going the wrong way.
1157
01:25:33,339 --> 01:25:35,307
- We're going home.
- What?
1158
01:25:35,875 --> 01:25:38,867
Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.
1159
01:25:38,945 --> 01:25:41,277
- Yeah, no shit.
- I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty.
1160
01:25:41,347 --> 01:25:42,712
This is going to be hilarious.
1161
01:25:42,782 --> 01:25:45,250
A hundred bucks says she has a wiener.
1162
01:25:45,318 --> 01:25:48,219
Look, I said we're going home.
I don't want to talk about it.
1163
01:25:48,287 --> 01:25:49,879
I knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.
1164
01:25:49,956 --> 01:25:53,357
Me? You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.
1165
01:25:53,426 --> 01:25:55,792
- No, we're not.
- Okay. You stole Rex's car.
1166
01:25:55,862 --> 01:25:57,557
You drove halfway across the country.
1167
01:25:57,630 --> 01:26:00,622
This must be what you want to do.
So do it, chicken shit!
1168
01:26:00,700 --> 01:26:03,100
- Fucking A, chicken shit.
- Fine! You know what?
1169
01:26:03,169 --> 01:26:06,161
I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch,
and I'll go pork somebody. Right now.
1170
01:26:06,239 --> 01:26:07,706
I'll be that guy. Is that what you want?
1171
01:26:07,773 --> 01:26:09,570
- Be that guy! That guy rules.
- Sounds awesome.
1172
01:26:09,642 --> 01:26:13,237
- That would make me so happy.
- All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it.
1173
01:26:13,412 --> 01:26:16,347
Watch out, Ian! Fuck!
- Watch it, Ian!
1174
01:26:18,551 --> 01:26:19,677
Whoo!
1175
01:26:20,853 --> 01:26:23,378
You like that?
- Did your fucking balls just drop?
1176
01:26:23,456 --> 01:26:24,946
Holy shit, Ian.
1177
01:26:25,892 --> 01:26:32,593
- Oh, man, it's this douche again.
- You want it? You got it.
1178
01:26:33,666 --> 01:26:35,634
- Hold on to your pantyhose.
- Okay, we gotta work on your banter,
1179
01:26:35,701 --> 01:26:37,931
but otherwise, this is awesome.
1180
01:26:40,873 --> 01:26:43,671
- You're losing him.
- No, I got him. I got him.
1181
01:26:46,078 --> 01:26:49,809
- Jesus, Ian! Not so close.
- God damn it!
1182
01:26:54,387 --> 01:26:56,355
No way, man! You're dead.
1183
01:26:58,357 --> 01:27:00,257
Sorry. He's all right.
1184
01:27:00,860 --> 01:27:03,454
This guy's fucking dangerous!
1185
01:27:09,001 --> 01:27:10,696
Where is he? Talk to me, dudes.
1186
01:27:10,803 --> 01:27:13,397
Right up our ass. He's in our ass.
1187
01:27:18,077 --> 01:27:21,274
He's tagging out.
- Ladies!
1188
01:27:21,347 --> 01:27:22,371
Ian, look out!
1189
01:27:28,621 --> 01:27:29,918
Oh! Oh!
1190
01:27:29,989 --> 01:27:31,149
God damn it.
1191
01:27:32,925 --> 01:27:36,656
What were you doing, man? Shit.
1192
01:27:38,197 --> 01:27:40,791
Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault.
He jumped right in front of you.
1193
01:27:40,866 --> 01:27:43,801
Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault.
1194
01:27:44,136 --> 01:27:45,603
Now, come on, man,
this possum's not gonna fuck you.
1195
01:27:45,671 --> 01:27:47,229
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.
1196
01:27:47,306 --> 01:27:51,675
He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna
leave him here by himself. Okay?
1197
01:27:52,945 --> 01:27:55,675
Okay. You're right.
1198
01:27:57,617 --> 01:28:00,916
We gotta help him.
We gotta call a vet or something.
1199
01:28:01,454 --> 01:28:06,517
Ian, look at him.
There's not a lot that we can do.
1200
01:28:08,227 --> 01:28:10,923
You may want to cover your eyes,
sweetheart, there could be some splatter.
1201
01:28:10,997 --> 01:28:14,160
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm gonna take him out of his misery.
1202
01:28:14,233 --> 01:28:17,760
They don't make little wheelchairs for him.
He's done, man.
1203
01:28:17,837 --> 01:28:21,603
Fuck you, Lance.
God, you don't even give a shit about him.
1204
01:28:22,875 --> 01:28:24,240
I'll do it.
1205
01:28:33,452 --> 01:28:34,783
I'm sorry.
1206
01:28:39,025 --> 01:28:40,822
All possums go to heaven.
1207
01:28:42,061 --> 01:28:47,863
Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still...
1208
01:28:49,001 --> 01:28:50,400
Shit.
1209
01:28:57,576 --> 01:28:59,510
Oh, no.
1210
01:29:00,246 --> 01:29:03,477
Ian, I'm so sorry, it's...
1211
01:29:03,549 --> 01:29:09,510
Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it!
I'm trying to do the right thing here.
1212
01:29:10,189 --> 01:29:14,888
- He's really hanging in there.
- God! Fuck!
1213
01:29:15,828 --> 01:29:19,787
You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby
has got to be about a year old now.
1214
01:29:19,865 --> 01:29:21,423
I can't believe she had a fucking baby.
1215
01:29:29,075 --> 01:29:31,100
How was I supposed to know
it was an endangered possum?
1216
01:29:31,177 --> 01:29:33,839
You know, the vet said there's actually
a good chance he might pull through.
1217
01:29:33,913 --> 01:29:36,404
You better hope so, mister. Get in.
1218
01:29:38,517 --> 01:29:40,007
Lock up cell B.
1219
01:29:45,925 --> 01:29:47,449
We are in jail.
1220
01:29:56,769 --> 01:29:59,704
Okay, listen, you have got to be cool,
'cause if they see you shitting yourself
1221
01:29:59,772 --> 01:30:00,830
they're gonna fuck with us.
1222
01:30:00,906 --> 01:30:02,897
Hey! Hey, ladies.
1223
01:30:03,142 --> 01:30:06,703
Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down
before me and you have a problem?
1224
01:30:06,779 --> 01:30:10,510
How about you just chill out, man?
Be cool.
1225
01:30:10,583 --> 01:30:13,108
- All right. We good?
- Yeah, we're good.
1226
01:30:24,730 --> 01:30:29,599
- Excuse me.
- Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you...
1227
01:30:31,404 --> 01:30:33,770
You should've seen the look in his eyes.
1228
01:30:34,340 --> 01:30:37,173
His heart was breaking
for this poor little thing.
1229
01:30:37,410 --> 01:30:42,109
Shit, that boy Ian don't seem
like he got no balls at all.
1230
01:30:42,181 --> 01:30:45,981
Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some
over a suffering critter?
1231
01:30:46,452 --> 01:30:48,477
I think that's real sweet.
1232
01:30:48,554 --> 01:30:51,819
Well, I say this Lance,
he sounds like a real hunk of man.
1233
01:30:52,324 --> 01:30:55,919
The only way you can keep his kind around
is to get his babies up in you pronto.
1234
01:30:55,995 --> 01:30:58,429
But he got no respect for bitches.
1235
01:30:59,265 --> 01:31:03,964
Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches.
None whatsoever.
1236
01:31:05,204 --> 01:31:07,638
You love Ian, don't you, baby?
1237
01:31:10,709 --> 01:31:15,271
Well, it's just we've been best friends
since we were really little,
1238
01:31:15,748 --> 01:31:19,240
and I don't know, he's the only person
I can really talk to, you know?
1239
01:31:19,552 --> 01:31:22,112
You give your heart to that boy,
1240
01:31:22,188 --> 01:31:27,558
and you can toss that "friendship" right out
the motherfucking window.
1241
01:31:27,626 --> 01:31:33,223
When I was a girl, my best friend was
a fella named Creighton McDaniel.
1242
01:31:34,200 --> 01:31:39,763
We used to stay up all night just talking
and laughing and carrying on.
1243
01:31:40,973 --> 01:31:45,672
Then one day I got it into my head
that we ought to be more than friends.
1244
01:31:45,744 --> 01:31:48,076
So I tell him I love him.
1245
01:31:48,614 --> 01:31:50,104
What happened?
1246
01:31:53,252 --> 01:31:54,947
We dated for a few weeks.
1247
01:31:56,121 --> 01:31:58,521
Then he met a gal over in Wofford.
1248
01:31:59,892 --> 01:32:02,224
We still talk from time to time.
1249
01:32:03,395 --> 01:32:05,920
But it was never the same between us.
1250
01:32:13,239 --> 01:32:19,542
Baby. Come here.
Come on, now. Come on, now.
1251
01:32:21,480 --> 01:32:24,847
You know you need a hug.
Come on, honey.
1252
01:32:26,285 --> 01:32:27,809
Cuddle up.
1253
01:32:31,891 --> 01:32:32,880
Dude.
1254
01:32:34,260 --> 01:32:37,889
- What?
- Look, you're pissing in front of everybody.
1255
01:32:40,666 --> 01:32:42,258
Yeah, I am.
1256
01:32:42,334 --> 01:32:45,633
- And that guy's looking right at your dick.
- Atta-boy.
1257
01:32:47,907 --> 01:32:51,468
- Look at you. You're a new man.
- No, I'm not.
1258
01:32:51,677 --> 01:32:56,341
Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly,
1259
01:32:56,415 --> 01:32:59,441
you got arrested, you got in a prison fight.
1260
01:33:00,219 --> 01:33:02,119
See Duane, he was there.
1261
01:33:02,187 --> 01:33:04,815
And I mean, you really beat
an endangered species to death today.
1262
01:33:04,890 --> 01:33:06,551
That's got to count for something.
1263
01:33:06,625 --> 01:33:10,857
And now you're in here in jail pissing
like a big dog in front of all the perverts.
1264
01:33:10,930 --> 01:33:12,557
I mean, there's only one thing left.
1265
01:33:12,631 --> 01:33:15,896
Yeah, well, that's out.
I was supposed to meet her two hours ago.
1266
01:33:17,136 --> 01:33:19,001
Dude, when we get out of here,
just tell her you got pinched.
1267
01:33:19,071 --> 01:33:22,370
She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it totally is.
1268
01:33:23,375 --> 01:33:26,401
Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted.
1269
01:33:26,612 --> 01:33:27,636
Really?
1270
01:33:27,813 --> 01:33:31,840
- Time to go.
- Shit!
1271
01:33:31,917 --> 01:33:34,351
- What?
- Rex.
1272
01:33:34,653 --> 01:33:35,642
Oh.
1273
01:33:37,790 --> 01:33:39,917
All right, this is it for us, Duane,
1274
01:33:39,992 --> 01:33:41,823
but, you know, back to what we were
talking about earlier,
1275
01:33:41,894 --> 01:33:43,987
I don't give a shit what Denise says,
1276
01:33:44,063 --> 01:33:46,657
I think there's still room for somebody
to write the great American novel.
1277
01:33:46,732 --> 01:33:49,758
So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy.
1278
01:33:58,110 --> 01:33:59,202
Hey.
1279
01:34:00,980 --> 01:34:02,470
Mary!
1280
01:34:07,319 --> 01:34:09,253
Wait. Wait. How did you find me?
1281
01:34:09,321 --> 01:34:12,347
Well, I called your cell phone,
and then someone answered here.
1282
01:34:12,424 --> 01:34:17,794
- That's awesome. Okay.
- Are you okay? Why are you in jail?
1283
01:34:20,165 --> 01:34:21,154
I mean, there's a number of charges,
1284
01:34:21,233 --> 01:34:23,428
but the most prominent ones
were animal cruelty
1285
01:34:23,502 --> 01:34:25,561
and the assaulting the officer.
1286
01:34:25,638 --> 01:34:28,198
But it's not nearly as bad
as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise.
1287
01:34:28,273 --> 01:34:31,333
- Okay.
- Okay. Wait right here. Okay.
1288
01:34:33,178 --> 01:34:34,668
- Teddy.
- Lance, my man.
1289
01:34:34,747 --> 01:34:37,011
- You guys got my stuff?
- It's gonna be a few minutes.
1290
01:34:37,082 --> 01:34:38,140
All right.
1291
01:34:38,217 --> 01:34:40,014
- Your daughter still selling those cookies?
- Yes.
1292
01:34:40,085 --> 01:34:42,713
You find me that wallet, I'll buy one.
1293
01:34:42,788 --> 01:34:44,813
- That'd be nice of you.
- How is she now?
1294
01:34:44,890 --> 01:34:48,917
I'm just fucking with you.
I don't need one more charge brought.
1295
01:35:15,621 --> 01:35:18,886
You can't know, oh, no
You can't know
1296
01:35:18,957 --> 01:35:24,589
How much I think about you, no
1297
01:35:25,698 --> 01:35:28,758
It's making my head spin
1298
01:35:31,937 --> 01:35:35,395
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
1299
01:35:35,474 --> 01:35:39,035
And we both know what we want
1300
01:35:42,047 --> 01:35:44,015
So close to giving in
1301
01:35:45,818 --> 01:35:52,724
Ian, don't do this. No,
don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy.
1302
01:35:53,392 --> 01:35:55,656
Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin.
1303
01:35:55,728 --> 01:36:00,529
So what if you're a virgin?
God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not...
1304
01:36:00,599 --> 01:36:05,764
No, Felicia, it's not about the sex.
It's not. I'm weird.
1305
01:36:05,838 --> 01:36:09,535
I'm the only virgin I know.
I need to get this done
1306
01:36:10,242 --> 01:36:13,143
so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.
1307
01:36:13,545 --> 01:36:16,412
Look, I know you don't approve,
but I'm sorry, I just...
1308
01:36:16,482 --> 01:36:18,074
I'm not going home a virgin.
1309
01:36:18,150 --> 01:36:20,015
Then, sport, fuck me.
1310
01:36:22,421 --> 01:36:23,581
What?
1311
01:36:25,424 --> 01:36:28,086
Sport, fuck me and not some stranger.
1312
01:36:29,261 --> 01:36:32,719
We're friends so you know
you're not gonna get some, like,
1313
01:36:32,798 --> 01:36:37,064
crabs or genital warts
or some pussing thing that's coming...
1314
01:36:37,136 --> 01:36:39,661
Wow, Leesh. That's hot!
1315
01:36:42,040 --> 01:36:43,598
You know what?
1316
01:36:44,610 --> 01:36:48,706
I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever
than lose it on pity-sex.
1317
01:36:49,348 --> 01:36:52,283
- I'm not talking about pity-sex.
- Then what are you talking about?
1318
01:36:52,351 --> 01:36:55,479
I don't know. Sex.
1319
01:36:56,188 --> 01:37:02,184
It doesn't have to mean anything.
It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.
1320
01:37:02,594 --> 01:37:03,618
Ah!
1321
01:37:03,695 --> 01:37:06,425
Leesh, you know what?
Fuck the friendship!
1322
01:37:07,266 --> 01:37:09,029
I'm sorry, I just can't do it.
1323
01:37:09,101 --> 01:37:13,231
I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore. I can't...
1324
01:37:13,605 --> 01:37:16,005
I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up
in the middle of the night,
1325
01:37:16,074 --> 01:37:20,443
and you're gonna cry to because
Derrick Dicottes found some other girl.
1326
01:37:21,647 --> 01:37:25,674
And maybe I'm just being selfish here,
but it is not enough.
1327
01:37:25,751 --> 01:37:29,152
Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door,
and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex
1328
01:37:29,221 --> 01:37:34,318
with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully
female person that I met on the Internet.
1329
01:37:36,395 --> 01:37:39,125
Unless you've got something better
to say to me.
1330
01:37:56,448 --> 01:37:58,313
That's what I thought.
1331
01:38:27,412 --> 01:38:28,902
Cyclops.
1332
01:38:32,317 --> 01:38:36,151
- How'd you find me?
- You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick?
1333
01:38:41,560 --> 01:38:42,652
Come here.
1334
01:38:42,761 --> 01:38:45,594
Burn that mother down, y'all
1335
01:38:45,831 --> 01:38:47,230
Burn, baby, burn
1336
01:38:47,466 --> 01:38:49,297
Disco inferno
1337
01:38:49,401 --> 01:38:50,891
Burn, baby, burn
1338
01:38:50,969 --> 01:38:51,993
Burn that mother down
1339
01:38:52,070 --> 01:38:54,903
Come on, Rex, wait. The girl...
The one I told you about from the Internet.
1340
01:38:54,973 --> 01:38:58,374
She's right across the street, Rex.
She wants to do it with me and everything.
1341
01:38:58,443 --> 01:39:00,172
Like I give a shit!
1342
01:39:13,025 --> 01:39:14,925
Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.
1343
01:39:14,993 --> 01:39:16,654
Okay. Okay, fine.
1344
01:39:16,929 --> 01:39:18,920
Now!
1345
01:39:18,997 --> 01:39:20,897
It probably wouldn't have changed
1346
01:39:20,966 --> 01:39:24,424
all these feelings
that I've been having lately anyway.
1347
01:39:26,038 --> 01:39:28,529
What are you talking about?
1348
01:39:28,607 --> 01:39:32,475
I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings,
1349
01:39:34,079 --> 01:39:39,073
curiosity about men.
1350
01:39:41,586 --> 01:39:43,213
Oh, shit, Ian!
1351
01:39:44,589 --> 01:39:49,617
I think you might be right.
I think I might be getting gay.
1352
01:39:49,828 --> 01:39:54,322
God damn it. Fuck!
1353
01:39:55,634 --> 01:39:58,933
But I just haven't had
any luck with girls, Rex.
1354
01:39:59,004 --> 01:40:02,963
No way! No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.
1355
01:40:09,681 --> 01:40:12,878
All right, you take the car,
1356
01:40:13,785 --> 01:40:16,583
and you go bang the female woman
like the good Lord intended.
1357
01:40:16,655 --> 01:40:18,145
You've got one hour!
1358
01:40:19,057 --> 01:40:20,957
- Ian.
- Yeah?
1359
01:40:23,295 --> 01:40:25,160
Fill up the tank, would you, buddy?
1360
01:40:25,230 --> 01:40:27,790
- Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks.
- Right.
1361
01:40:49,855 --> 01:40:54,121
Hey, man. You looking for somebody?
1362
01:40:58,063 --> 01:40:59,325
Ms. Tasty.
1363
01:41:00,632 --> 01:41:01,826
Ian?
1364
01:41:08,206 --> 01:41:11,437
Oh, my gosh! Hey.
1365
01:41:11,510 --> 01:41:13,842
I was sure you were standing me up.
1366
01:41:15,280 --> 01:41:19,876
- But here you are. Look at you.
- See you.
1367
01:41:19,951 --> 01:41:22,977
You look a little different than your picture.
1368
01:41:23,055 --> 01:41:26,650
Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight
'cause I had the runs... The flu.
1369
01:41:28,293 --> 01:41:32,821
Well, you're mighty cute,
and your car is really pretty.
1370
01:41:33,698 --> 01:41:35,563
Why don't you take me for a ride?
1371
01:41:41,339 --> 01:41:45,105
So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name?
1372
01:41:46,511 --> 01:41:52,643
- How about I tell you after?
- Yeah, sure.
1373
01:41:54,653 --> 01:41:56,280
Works for me.
1374
01:42:03,528 --> 01:42:10,331
... below the ocean
Where I wanna be
1375
01:42:11,002 --> 01:42:13,027
She may be
1376
01:42:13,105 --> 01:42:16,472
Way down below the ocean...
1377
01:42:16,541 --> 01:42:19,704
- No, Mary, wait.
- What?
1378
01:42:19,778 --> 01:42:23,179
- What's wrong?
- Nothing. I mean...
1379
01:42:23,748 --> 01:42:27,878
Nothing, I just... I really like you,
1380
01:42:30,589 --> 01:42:34,992
and I don't want to ruin this. You know?
1381
01:42:35,861 --> 01:42:40,855
But, hey, maybe you could come
to Chicago and we could hang out
1382
01:42:40,932 --> 01:42:42,763
- and take it a little...
- No.
1383
01:42:42,868 --> 01:42:46,702
Lance, it doesn't work like that.
1384
01:42:50,142 --> 01:42:53,578
And, I mean, if I don't go back,
I'm gonna be shunned.
1385
01:42:55,046 --> 01:42:57,344
I could never see my family again.
1386
01:42:58,917 --> 01:43:03,320
- This Amish thing is a real motherfucker.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
1387
01:43:12,397 --> 01:43:14,126
- Ian.
- Yeah.
1388
01:43:14,199 --> 01:43:16,429
I think we should take our clothes off.
1389
01:43:18,303 --> 01:43:20,100
Wow. Really? Right here?
1390
01:43:20,172 --> 01:43:21,161
Mmm-hmm.
1391
01:43:21,606 --> 01:43:24,769
No one's around for miles. Come on.
1392
01:43:25,677 --> 01:43:26,803
Okay.
1393
01:43:35,220 --> 01:43:38,656
- What do you think?
- Thank you.
1394
01:43:40,358 --> 01:43:45,819
That is one of the better sets
that I've seen today.
1395
01:43:46,264 --> 01:43:48,459
I appreciate your honesty.
1396
01:43:49,467 --> 01:43:50,695
They're nice.
1397
01:43:51,436 --> 01:43:53,063
Really?
1398
01:43:53,138 --> 01:43:55,732
You're fit.
1399
01:43:55,807 --> 01:43:59,766
- You're so sweet.
- Yeah.
1400
01:44:01,613 --> 01:44:05,105
I think we should
take your clothes off now.
1401
01:44:05,183 --> 01:44:08,414
Yeah, maybe we should.
1402
01:44:08,486 --> 01:44:13,549
- I don't play football!
- Okay.
1403
01:44:13,625 --> 01:44:15,889
I... I really don't.
I mean, I don't really even watch football.
1404
01:44:15,961 --> 01:44:18,088
I mean, I got all that stuff
from Friday Night Lights,
1405
01:44:18,163 --> 01:44:21,132
which is a show. It's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.
1406
01:44:21,199 --> 01:44:23,190
- I don't know if you saw it, but...
- Ian.
1407
01:44:23,268 --> 01:44:29,332
What? You think everything in my profile's
the God's honest truth? No.
1408
01:44:29,407 --> 01:44:32,308
Now, come on, take your clothes off.
1409
01:44:34,713 --> 01:44:39,343
Look, there's this girl...
1410
01:44:40,418 --> 01:44:44,650
Ian, this can be our little secret.
No one has to know.
1411
01:44:46,191 --> 01:44:47,681
Now come here.
1412
01:45:01,139 --> 01:45:06,167
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you.
1413
01:45:06,244 --> 01:45:10,943
I'm kissing you,
and I'm thinking about somebody else.
1414
01:45:11,850 --> 01:45:15,752
No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say.
I mean, she's not even...
1415
01:45:17,589 --> 01:45:21,650
Oh, no, no, no.
Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.
1416
01:45:21,726 --> 01:45:25,492
It's not a reflection of...
You're so pretty, like...
1417
01:45:26,197 --> 01:45:27,892
You're laughing.
1418
01:45:27,966 --> 01:45:30,935
Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole!
1419
01:45:32,037 --> 01:45:35,438
Look, I'm sorry, okay.
I don't mean to lead you on here,
1420
01:45:35,507 --> 01:45:39,967
and I'll give you a ride home,
but I don't think that... What the fuck?
1421
01:45:40,045 --> 01:45:42,479
What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh?
1422
01:45:42,847 --> 01:45:44,246
What're you, a Gap model?
1423
01:45:46,885 --> 01:45:49,979
- Do you have any jacks?
- Yup.
1424
01:45:51,389 --> 01:45:54,916
- I win.
- Again.
1425
01:45:54,993 --> 01:45:56,221
Yup.
1426
01:46:00,598 --> 01:46:03,123
- All right, just take your shirt off.
- Okay, good.
1427
01:46:06,204 --> 01:46:10,470
You were right, Ian. '69 Judge.
You were worth the wait.
1428
01:46:13,378 --> 01:46:18,441
- Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car!
- And good luck with the lady friend.
1429
01:46:21,086 --> 01:46:22,383
Fuckface!
1430
01:46:25,724 --> 01:46:29,160
Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1431
01:46:29,260 --> 01:46:32,855
Oh, Bobby,
you were so awesome back there.
1432
01:46:32,931 --> 01:46:34,694
- Love you so much.
- Cool.
1433
01:46:35,967 --> 01:46:40,427
Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you
always have to flash them the twins?
1434
01:46:40,505 --> 01:46:42,666
You know, I mean, I do got a gun.
1435
01:46:42,741 --> 01:46:47,701
- Oh, baby, you know they're only for you.
- Okay, cool.
1436
01:46:47,779 --> 01:46:50,805
Now, listen. I got another car coming
any minute now, okay?
1437
01:46:50,882 --> 01:46:52,577
- Got it.
- So take me back to the Big Boy
1438
01:46:52,650 --> 01:46:55,050
- and get this goat over to Luis.
- Right.
1439
01:46:56,421 --> 01:47:02,621
And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent!
1440
01:47:03,194 --> 01:47:05,424
- I fucking told you.
- I know where it is.
1441
01:47:10,068 --> 01:47:15,301
And if you do good,
momma's gonna take real good care of you.
1442
01:47:15,673 --> 01:47:16,901
Really?
1443
01:47:19,310 --> 01:47:21,972
You mean the thing I like well?
1444
01:47:27,185 --> 01:47:31,053
Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking
about the same thing here.
1445
01:47:31,122 --> 01:47:33,090
The pepper grinder.
1446
01:47:37,128 --> 01:47:39,221
Pepper grinder!
1447
01:47:40,231 --> 01:47:43,029
Pepper grinder! Yeah.
1448
01:47:51,309 --> 01:47:52,367
Hi.
1449
01:47:58,349 --> 01:48:01,910
- Hey, boys. You finally made it.
- What's up, Ms. Tasty?
1450
01:48:01,986 --> 01:48:04,511
What's up? What's up?
1451
01:48:04,589 --> 01:48:07,217
- Damn, you're hot as fuck.
- Yeah.
1452
01:48:07,292 --> 01:48:10,591
- We brought beers and rubbers.
- And some lotion for your tits.
1453
01:48:11,863 --> 01:48:13,524
- It's not a marathon.
- It's a sprint.
1454
01:48:13,598 --> 01:48:16,032
- Bang. Yeah.
- In chicks.
1455
01:48:30,081 --> 01:48:31,639
You Felicia?
1456
01:48:34,419 --> 01:48:35,818
I'm Bobby Jo.
1457
01:48:37,322 --> 01:48:38,346
Hi.
1458
01:48:48,533 --> 01:48:53,163
I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick.
I mean, seriously, what are the odds?
1459
01:48:54,272 --> 01:48:56,536
Oh, yeah! More of that.
1460
01:48:58,576 --> 01:49:03,673
So, wait, you do want to party?
1461
01:49:04,382 --> 01:49:05,508
With us?
1462
01:49:05,583 --> 01:49:08,814
Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party.
1463
01:49:21,299 --> 01:49:24,291
Fuck! I can't fucking believe this.
1464
01:49:28,740 --> 01:49:31,573
Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker!
1465
01:49:33,411 --> 01:49:38,075
- Who the fuck are you?
- Holy fucking fuck-balls!
1466
01:49:38,316 --> 01:49:42,480
Okay, my bad.
1467
01:49:42,554 --> 01:49:44,249
Now, I thought you were someone else,
all right?
1468
01:49:44,322 --> 01:49:49,692
You done fouled up my ride,
so I'm gonna have to take yours.
1469
01:49:50,562 --> 01:49:51,551
Fuck that shit.
1470
01:49:52,730 --> 01:49:54,823
Here you go. Pulls to the left.
1471
01:49:56,601 --> 01:49:58,592
What the fuck, dumb-ass?
1472
01:50:02,540 --> 01:50:04,974
Oh, shit!
1473
01:50:05,743 --> 01:50:12,012
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
1474
01:50:12,083 --> 01:50:13,778
Hey, highlights, back it up.
1475
01:50:15,219 --> 01:50:17,084
Bite my dick, asshole!
1476
01:50:21,960 --> 01:50:24,793
Ow! What the fuck you do that for?
1477
01:50:25,930 --> 01:50:30,128
- Lance? What the fuck is going on?
- That's the son of a bitch I was looking for!
1478
01:50:30,201 --> 01:50:33,261
Hey, guy. How'd you...
1479
01:50:33,338 --> 01:50:36,739
- Found your computer maps, douche-bag!
- Okay.
1480
01:50:36,808 --> 01:50:37,968
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1481
01:50:38,042 --> 01:50:40,909
Boat show,
you and your boyfriend bring it in here.
1482
01:50:40,979 --> 01:50:42,241
I don't need no trouble right now.
1483
01:50:42,313 --> 01:50:44,178
Let's go. Bring it in.
1484
01:50:45,617 --> 01:50:49,314
- Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that?
- Who?
1485
01:50:49,387 --> 01:50:52,652
- That!
- That's Felicia.
1486
01:50:52,724 --> 01:50:54,954
She was hiding in the back seat,
no biggie.
1487
01:50:55,026 --> 01:50:57,517
Fuck! She heard everything then.
1488
01:50:57,595 --> 01:51:00,223
- Hello!
- Damn, you're right.
1489
01:51:02,700 --> 01:51:04,224
Come on, darling.
1490
01:51:04,302 --> 01:51:06,600
- Shut up!
- Now, take it easy on the hair.
1491
01:51:06,671 --> 01:51:09,401
- Get down!
- Hey, hey, come on.
1492
01:51:09,474 --> 01:51:12,341
- All right, all right.
- Take your hands off her!
1493
01:51:24,055 --> 01:51:27,047
Stop shooting our car.
- Inconsiderate.
1494
01:51:32,563 --> 01:51:34,554
Please! No!
1495
01:51:40,371 --> 01:51:43,431
- All right. Get back, man.
- Ian?
1496
01:51:43,508 --> 01:51:46,204
Everybody just be cool.
1497
01:51:46,277 --> 01:51:48,837
- Felicia, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
1498
01:51:48,913 --> 01:51:51,973
Ian, give me the goddamn gun
before you shoot your dick off.
1499
01:51:52,050 --> 01:51:53,244
- Rex, I got this.
- Ian!
1500
01:51:53,317 --> 01:51:57,048
God damn it, Rex, I got this!
Do not fuck with me! Not now!
1501
01:51:57,955 --> 01:52:01,083
Ease it back, man.
That donut ain't fucking around.
1502
01:52:02,827 --> 01:52:04,556
Hands where I can see them.
1503
01:52:05,897 --> 01:52:10,027
- Ian, dude, you're working the mouth.
- I don't give a shit!
1504
01:52:10,101 --> 01:52:14,231
Okay. All right, sorry.
You're doing so good. Proud of you.
1505
01:52:14,305 --> 01:52:15,897
I mean that. I don't say it enough.
1506
01:52:15,973 --> 01:52:19,067
- Tasty and you...
- Bobby Jo.
1507
01:52:20,244 --> 01:52:23,907
Ian... Over there. Slowly.
1508
01:52:24,649 --> 01:52:28,847
All right, you, corn-fed, you can
punch my friend Lance, but just once.
1509
01:52:28,953 --> 01:52:32,150
- Dude! What the fuck?
- You nailed his girlfriend.
1510
01:52:32,223 --> 01:52:35,351
- Not exactly. I mean, it was...
- And he came all this way.
1511
01:52:35,426 --> 01:52:38,953
All right. All right, fair enough.
Just not in the nuts.
1512
01:52:42,567 --> 01:52:47,800
- Oh, shit!
- Okay. Okay, all right.
1513
01:52:49,474 --> 01:52:54,275
What a punch.
I think my kids are gonna be retarded.
1514
01:52:54,345 --> 01:52:56,313
You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude.
1515
01:52:56,380 --> 01:53:01,750
- Yeah, you got a little...
- Thanks. My ears are ringing.
1516
01:53:02,353 --> 01:53:04,218
Stop it! I'm warning you!
1517
01:53:04,288 --> 01:53:06,882
Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one.
1518
01:53:09,460 --> 01:53:10,552
Whoa!
1519
01:53:12,497 --> 01:53:15,625
- Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude.
- I'll shoot you in the leg.
1520
01:53:15,700 --> 01:53:17,292
Suck his cock, Ian.
1521
01:53:17,368 --> 01:53:20,166
- You serious?
- Do I look serious?
1522
01:53:22,206 --> 01:53:24,174
I don't think you got the plums, boy.
1523
01:53:27,745 --> 01:53:29,474
God!
1524
01:53:34,018 --> 01:53:35,178
Oh, fuck.
1525
01:53:36,020 --> 01:53:38,488
Okay. Okay.
1526
01:53:40,224 --> 01:53:43,091
Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.
1527
01:53:44,295 --> 01:53:47,594
- Give me the gun!
- Jesus, man, what do I got to do?
1528
01:53:50,701 --> 01:53:53,602
Don't move, asshole,
or you're a fucking stain.
1529
01:53:53,671 --> 01:53:54,797
Okay.
1530
01:53:56,073 --> 01:53:58,064
Holy shit, Ian. Right on!
1531
01:53:59,510 --> 01:54:01,774
Where do you think you're going, cunt?
1532
01:54:01,846 --> 01:54:03,245
Cat fight!
1533
01:54:05,950 --> 01:54:09,215
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
1534
01:54:09,287 --> 01:54:10,845
Damn you, whore!
1535
01:54:10,922 --> 01:54:12,651
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
1536
01:54:12,723 --> 01:54:14,350
Fuck you!
1537
01:54:16,527 --> 01:54:20,588
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
1538
01:54:20,965 --> 01:54:24,457
Come crashing through your door
1539
01:54:25,369 --> 01:54:30,170
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
1540
01:54:31,242 --> 01:54:33,335
Drop the weapon, donut man!
1541
01:54:34,779 --> 01:54:37,111
Okay, put your hands on your head!
1542
01:54:37,181 --> 01:54:40,742
- Both hands, asshole!
- I can't move the other arm.
1543
01:54:40,818 --> 01:54:44,515
- Who said that? Who said that?
- I can't move the other arm.
1544
01:54:46,924 --> 01:54:50,917
Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir.
1545
01:54:54,265 --> 01:54:58,065
The big Mexican won't go down!
Take the shot!
1546
01:54:58,836 --> 01:55:00,497
- Holy shit.
- Jesus!
1547
01:55:00,571 --> 01:55:03,404
Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay?
1548
01:55:03,507 --> 01:55:07,603
He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief.
1549
01:55:08,346 --> 01:55:11,907
Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt.
1550
01:55:19,991 --> 01:55:21,481
Anything else?
1551
01:55:23,427 --> 01:55:26,362
Oh, yeah,
apparently there's a guy named Luis,
1552
01:55:26,430 --> 01:55:30,196
and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!
1553
01:55:30,268 --> 01:55:32,759
- Thanks.
- We were just banging that chick in our car.
1554
01:55:32,837 --> 01:55:35,965
- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Yeah, super hard.
1555
01:55:36,040 --> 01:55:42,070
The boy did have some plums.
He had some plums.
1556
01:55:42,146 --> 01:55:45,309
Hey, this is Rick.
He's played arena football.
1557
01:55:45,383 --> 01:55:47,715
- Hi. I'm Mary.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
1558
01:55:47,785 --> 01:55:49,446
That's a weird little dude you got there.
1559
01:55:49,520 --> 01:55:52,421
Are you guys hungry?
Is this place open 24 hours?
1560
01:55:55,159 --> 01:55:57,719
Thank you for coming for me.
1561
01:55:58,829 --> 01:56:01,821
What were you doing in the back seat?
1562
01:56:01,899 --> 01:56:05,096
Nothing. I was...
1563
01:56:05,169 --> 01:56:09,128
- You were stalking me.
- No, I wasn't. I...
1564
01:56:10,975 --> 01:56:14,411
Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little.
1565
01:56:15,913 --> 01:56:19,440
I just... I knew you were gonna do
something you were gonna regret, and I...
1566
01:56:19,517 --> 01:56:23,681
Felicia. Why can't you just say it?
1567
01:56:28,726 --> 01:56:32,822
- Why can't you?
- Well, I asked you first.
1568
01:56:40,638 --> 01:56:42,333
Fine. I'll say it.
1569
01:56:48,980 --> 01:56:52,609
- You love me.
- Fine.
1570
01:56:54,752 --> 01:56:56,617
You love me, too, then.
1571
01:57:01,892 --> 01:57:07,228
Life is beautiful
1572
01:57:10,267 --> 01:57:13,964
But it's complicated
1573
01:57:14,038 --> 01:57:15,403
Thank God.
1574
01:57:16,140 --> 01:57:19,075
We barely make it
1575
01:57:32,590 --> 01:57:34,649
You fucking heifer.
1576
01:57:48,305 --> 01:57:49,863
- You fixed it!
- Yeah.
1577
01:57:49,940 --> 01:57:51,567
Don't lean on it.
1578
01:57:54,011 --> 01:57:56,309
I guess you get to live.
1579
01:57:56,380 --> 01:57:59,406
You guys are amazing.
- Thanks.
1580
01:57:59,483 --> 01:58:01,007
Let's talk seriously for a second.
1581
01:58:01,085 --> 01:58:06,785
I figure with the parts and labor,
you know, out the door... 4,200.
1582
01:58:08,793 --> 01:58:09,817
Oh. Um...
1583
01:58:09,894 --> 01:58:13,557
- It's just a round number.
- Yeah. No, I didn't really...
1584
01:58:17,768 --> 01:58:19,065
I don't know what to...
1585
01:58:19,136 --> 01:58:22,162
I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man.
1586
01:58:22,239 --> 01:58:26,369
- Wait, I mean, you're serious?
- Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries.
1587
01:58:26,444 --> 01:58:27,775
- You sure?
- Yeah, of course.
1588
01:58:27,845 --> 01:58:28,834
- Thank you, man.
- It's what I live for,
1589
01:58:28,913 --> 01:58:30,813
fixing other people's shit for free.
1590
01:58:34,518 --> 01:58:35,610
Yeah.
1591
01:58:41,292 --> 01:58:43,624
- Hey.
- Straight home, pussy!
1592
01:58:43,694 --> 01:58:47,960
- Dude, we got to go.
- Fucking piece of shit!
1593
01:58:48,065 --> 01:58:51,728
You go on ahead.
I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish.
1594
01:58:51,802 --> 01:58:53,667
Dude, what are you talking about?
1595
01:58:53,771 --> 01:58:57,298
I don't know, a little hard work,
fresh air, missionary position.
1596
01:58:58,142 --> 01:58:59,871
It's a man's life.
1597
01:58:59,944 --> 01:59:01,639
- Sounds pretty good, you know.
- Yeah, it sounds...
1598
01:59:01,712 --> 01:59:04,340
Come on, Lance. Get serious.
1599
01:59:08,786 --> 01:59:10,185
Come here.
1600
01:59:11,155 --> 01:59:14,022
I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.
I'm proud of you, you know.
1601
01:59:14,091 --> 01:59:17,185
You held out for a good one,
the one you wanted.
1602
01:59:18,028 --> 01:59:20,553
And you fucking made it happen.
1603
01:59:21,665 --> 01:59:26,466
But, please, I'm begging you,
go take that girl to visit Grandma.
1604
01:59:26,537 --> 01:59:28,801
- All right.
- And when you do, don't...
1605
01:59:28,873 --> 01:59:32,070
- Lance, I got it.
- Yeah?
1606
01:59:33,611 --> 01:59:34,703
Yeah.
1607
01:59:36,714 --> 01:59:39,274
Okay. I think you might.
1608
01:59:39,350 --> 01:59:41,113
- See you.
- Bye.
1609
01:59:47,491 --> 01:59:51,018
Well, no, no, me, I never worry
1610
01:59:51,729 --> 01:59:54,596
Because, me, I never try
1611
01:59:54,865 --> 02:00:01,464
And I never care to hold onto
what I just couldn't kiss goodbye
1612
02:00:19,924 --> 02:00:23,792
- Are you sure you're ready?
- Yeah.
1613
02:00:25,930 --> 02:00:28,660
All right, well, come on, take them off.
1614
02:00:41,045 --> 02:00:42,444
Let's do it.
1615
02:00:48,686 --> 02:00:50,278
Yeah!
1616
02:00:50,354 --> 02:00:51,946
Oh, shit!
1617
02:00:52,990 --> 02:00:54,855
What the fuck!
1618
02:00:54,925 --> 02:00:57,189
Give me that fucking shoe...
1619
02:00:57,261 --> 02:01:00,389
You know what? Fuck you!
I want a divorce.
1620
02:01:00,464 --> 02:01:03,490
A few weeks later,
I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.
1621
02:01:03,601 --> 02:01:07,037
But this time,
it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing.
1622
02:01:09,306 --> 02:01:12,173
And Rex did make my life hell for a while.
1623
02:01:12,943 --> 02:01:14,604
But that Thanksgiving,
1624
02:01:14,678 --> 02:01:18,045
we finally found out
what's been up his ass all these years.
1625
02:01:18,115 --> 02:01:22,142
I'm gay! And, so, that's it.
1626
02:01:24,388 --> 02:01:26,982
By Christmas,
my dad got used to the idea.
1627
02:01:27,057 --> 02:01:30,026
And Rex is actually
a pretty great guy these days.
1628
02:01:30,094 --> 02:01:32,858
Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot
during rough sex.
1629
02:01:32,930 --> 02:01:35,490
Karen and I want you to have this,
for Christmas.
1630
02:01:35,566 --> 02:01:37,557
- Merry Christmas.
- Thanks.
1631
02:01:40,004 --> 02:01:41,301
A juicer.
1632
02:01:41,372 --> 02:01:46,776
Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome.
Wow, I gotta get some fruit.
1633
02:01:47,278 --> 02:01:48,336
Wow!
1634
02:01:52,383 --> 02:01:53,850
Thank you, thank you.
1635
02:01:54,485 --> 02:01:57,579
Dylan knocked up Becca
and had to take my old job.
1636
02:01:59,256 --> 02:02:01,247
Let's see, what else?
1637
02:02:01,892 --> 02:02:04,417
Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend.
1638
02:02:07,331 --> 02:02:10,732
And on New Year's Eve,
Felicia and I finally visited Grandma.
1639
02:02:10,801 --> 02:02:11,859
Again?
1640
02:02:13,137 --> 02:02:14,570
Damn, yes.
1641
02:02:17,241 --> 02:02:19,266
- Felicia, you want to do this?
- Yes.
1642
02:02:28,152 --> 02:02:29,915
Oh, that was awesome!
1643
02:03:10,160 --> 02:03:14,096
- Hey, boys. You get some rest?
- Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus.
1644
02:03:14,164 --> 02:03:15,927
- A pleasure.
- Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus.
1645
02:03:15,999 --> 02:03:18,399
- Appreciate it.
- Thanks for playing that show for us, too.
1646
02:03:18,469 --> 02:03:21,802
- Yeah, no worries.
- It was a nice five-song set.
1647
02:03:21,872 --> 02:03:24,272
Yeah, what do you guys typically...
1648
02:03:24,341 --> 02:03:26,775
I assume you get compensated
very well for that.
1649
02:03:26,844 --> 02:03:29,745
- Must be a good living.
- Yeah, we do. I mean...
1650
02:03:29,813 --> 02:03:32,714
Yeah, you know, I...
Gosh, if I was really to calculate
1651
02:03:32,783 --> 02:03:35,911
what you'd lose if this bus
couldn't have gotten back on the road,
1652
02:03:35,986 --> 02:03:37,180
if you couldn't have gotten to your shows,
1653
02:03:37,254 --> 02:03:42,123
I imagine all those weeping teenage girls
outside, "I need to dance."
1654
02:03:42,192 --> 02:03:45,161
Could we send you some pictures?
We don't really have cash or anything.
1655
02:03:45,229 --> 02:03:48,198
- Some autographed photos?
- Or we could give you CDs.
1656
02:03:48,265 --> 02:03:50,495
Yeah, we've got a lot of use
for that around here.
1657
02:03:50,567 --> 02:03:52,660
There is a lot of work
that needs to be done around here.
1658
02:03:52,736 --> 02:03:57,002
- You guys are some strapping young lads.
- I don't know if we're really built for that.
1659
02:03:58,442 --> 02:04:00,967
- Yeah.
- I can hear you.
1660
02:04:01,044 --> 02:04:03,444
I'm just saying,
you guys put in a 20-minute show,
1661
02:04:03,514 --> 02:04:05,141
- we spent all night on the bus...
- Yeah.
1662
02:04:05,215 --> 02:04:06,409
I mean, that was a lot of work.
1663
02:04:06,483 --> 02:04:08,678
We could maybe try
to write a check later on,
1664
02:04:08,752 --> 02:04:11,220
or like I said,
we could send you guys some CDs.
1665
02:04:11,288 --> 02:04:13,518
City folk are always trying to solve things
with money.
1666
02:04:13,590 --> 02:04:15,615
It's the spirit of the community
around here.
1667
02:04:15,692 --> 02:04:18,217
Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy.
1668
02:04:18,295 --> 02:04:21,059
Keep him safe on the road.
1669
02:04:21,131 --> 02:04:24,225
Help him to aspire
to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi.
1670
02:04:24,301 --> 02:04:25,529
- Help him to...
- Thanks.
1671
02:04:25,602 --> 02:04:27,502
- Okay, thanks, man.
- Thanks, man. We gotta roll.
1672
02:04:27,571 --> 02:04:29,505
- Amen.
- We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much.
1673
02:04:29,573 --> 02:04:31,131
All right, boys.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
1674
02:04:31,208 --> 02:04:34,177
I loved your penis on the Internet,
by the way.
1675
02:04:34,244 --> 02:04:36,303
- Fucking asshole!
- You're a dick!
1676
02:04:52,729 --> 02:04:56,665
Say my name and his in the same breath
1677
02:04:56,733 --> 02:05:00,191
I dare you to say they taste the same
1678
02:05:00,270 --> 02:05:03,797
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
1679
02:05:03,874 --> 02:05:06,934
And let December glow feel flames
1680
02:05:07,511 --> 02:05:10,605
Brace myself and let go
1681
02:05:10,681 --> 02:05:14,242
Start it over again in Mexico
1682
02:05:14,318 --> 02:05:18,118
These friends, they don't love you
1683
02:05:18,188 --> 02:05:21,851
They just love the hotel suites, now
1684
02:05:21,925 --> 02:05:24,985
I don't care what you think
1685
02:05:25,062 --> 02:05:28,725
As long as it's about me
1686
02:05:28,866 --> 02:05:32,029
The best of us can find happiness
1687
02:05:32,135 --> 02:05:35,298
In misery
1688
02:05:35,672 --> 02:05:39,267
Said, I don't care what you think
1689
02:05:39,343 --> 02:05:43,143
As long as it's about me
1690
02:05:43,213 --> 02:05:46,478
The best of us can find happiness
1691
02:05:46,550 --> 02:05:48,347
In misery
1692
02:05:54,324 --> 02:05:57,919
Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance
1693
02:05:57,995 --> 02:06:00,896
I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants
1694
02:06:00,964 --> 02:06:03,524
Pull a breath like another cigarette
1695
02:06:03,600 --> 02:06:06,091
Palms up, I'm trading 'em
1696
02:06:06,904 --> 02:06:08,735
Trading 'em
1697
02:06:08,805 --> 02:06:11,933
I'm the oracle in my chest
1698
02:06:12,309 --> 02:06:15,210
Let the guitar scream like a fascist
1699
02:06:15,279 --> 02:06:16,974
Sweat it out, shut your mouth
1700
02:06:17,047 --> 02:06:18,844
Free love on the streets
1701
02:06:18,916 --> 02:06:22,943
But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now
1702
02:06:23,020 --> 02:06:26,012
I don't care what you think
1703
02:06:26,089 --> 02:06:29,991
As long as it's about me
1704
02:06:30,060 --> 02:06:33,120
The best of us can find happiness
1705
02:06:33,196 --> 02:06:36,461
In misery
1706
02:06:36,733 --> 02:06:40,396
Said, I don't care what you think
1707
02:06:40,470 --> 02:06:44,236
As long as it's about me
1708
02:06:44,341 --> 02:06:47,435
The best of us can find happiness
1709
02:06:47,511 --> 02:06:49,274
In misery
1710
02:07:01,858 --> 02:07:05,419
Said I don't care just what you think
1711
02:07:05,662 --> 02:07:08,961
As long as it's about me
1712
02:07:09,032 --> 02:07:12,433
Said I don't care just what you think
1713
02:07:12,502 --> 02:07:16,131
As long as it's about me
1714
02:07:16,206 --> 02:07:19,733
Said I don't care, I don't care
1715
02:07:19,843 --> 02:07:23,370
Said I don't care, I don't care
1716
02:07:23,447 --> 02:07:29,579
Said I don't care, I don't care
1717
02:07:30,087 --> 02:07:31,076
No, I don't
1718
02:07:31,154 --> 02:07:34,521
I don't care, I don't care
1719
02:07:34,591 --> 02:07:38,391
I don't care
1720
02:07:38,462 --> 02:07:41,363
I don't care what you think
1721
02:07:41,431 --> 02:07:44,958
As long as it's about me
1722
02:07:45,335 --> 02:07:48,463
The best of us can find happiness
1723
02:07:48,538 --> 02:07:51,939
In misery
1724
02:07:52,009 --> 02:07:55,501
Said I don't care what you think
1725
02:07:55,579 --> 02:07:59,379
As long as it's about me
1726
02:07:59,449 --> 02:08:02,976
The best of us can find happiness
1727
02:08:03,053 --> 02:08:09,151
In misery
1728
02:09:01,645 --> 02:09:05,172
Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor.
1729
02:09:05,248 --> 02:09:07,580
You know in all the teen unrated DVDs,
1730
02:09:07,651 --> 02:09:11,212
you never really get to see
the star's naughty parts.
1731
02:09:11,688 --> 02:09:15,124
Well, that is gonna change today.
1732
02:09:15,192 --> 02:09:17,092
That's right. Take a seat,
1733
02:09:17,160 --> 02:09:19,993
maybe close the door
so mom doesn't come in.
1734
02:09:20,063 --> 02:09:22,964
Get all ready. Looks good.
1735
02:09:24,367 --> 02:09:25,698
Here we go.
1736
02:09:29,439 --> 02:09:30,929
Suckers!
1737
02:09:32,576 --> 02:09:33,873
This is serious matter.
1738
02:09:34,978 --> 02:09:36,138
Run for your life.
1739
02:09:36,213 --> 02:09:38,807
Oh, shit! You know what?
We see the fake balls on the table there.
1740
02:09:39,983 --> 02:09:42,713
All right. We'll shoot another. Cut.
- Cut.
1741
02:09:47,714 --> 02:09:48,714
Subtitles by LeapinLar