1 00:01:49,052 --> 00:01:51,077 Oh, shit. 2 00:02:11,606 --> 00:02:12,766 You just got Wolfed. 3 00:02:13,674 --> 00:02:15,539 - What? - That is an official trademark... 4 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,507 ...that I am getting registered. 5 00:02:17,713 --> 00:02:20,682 It's a lot of stuff you gotta do, hoops you gotta jump through. 6 00:02:20,881 --> 00:02:22,109 Gotta get on the Internet. 7 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:26,480 Gotta go to some stupid-ass website where you register a catch phrase. 8 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:30,021 I wanted "Bam," but Emeril had taken it. 9 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,653 I'm rambling, man. Get up, man. Get up, man. 10 00:02:37,131 --> 00:02:38,462 Is the contender ready? 11 00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:41,066 - Ready. - Is the gladiator ready? 12 00:02:43,236 --> 00:02:45,636 Three, two, one. 13 00:02:46,106 --> 00:02:47,698 Things are heating up for the Wolf. 14 00:02:48,275 --> 00:02:50,140 I just opened a Target in Reseda... 15 00:02:50,810 --> 00:02:53,540 ...and my own brand of BBQ sauce. 16 00:02:54,014 --> 00:02:59,384 I'm calling it Wolf's BBQ Sauce, available in regular and chipotle. 17 00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:03,050 You still going? You still want more of this, man? 18 00:03:03,256 --> 00:03:05,247 I learned that in Oriental land. 19 00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:08,325 Whoa, yeah. U.S. A! 20 00:03:13,432 --> 00:03:16,333 They're so small anyway, from steroids. 21 00:03:40,224 --> 00:03:41,418 A saber-tooth. 22 00:03:44,730 --> 00:03:46,129 Amy Winehouse? 23 00:03:51,402 --> 00:03:52,596 Piss off. 24 00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:55,772 You don't wanna mess with a bitch straight out of rehab. 25 00:03:56,574 --> 00:04:01,944 Listen, like the dinosaurs being destroyed by the Ice Age... 26 00:04:02,146 --> 00:04:05,547 ...you, too, will soon be extinct. 27 00:04:05,749 --> 00:04:06,977 When? 28 00:04:07,185 --> 00:04:10,086 - How much time do we have? - Bloody hell. 29 00:04:10,587 --> 00:04:13,317 Just calm down. Do you know you're speaking so fast... 30 00:04:13,523 --> 00:04:16,890 ...I can't even hear, mate? You're making my head hurt. 31 00:04:17,094 --> 00:04:18,994 Or maybe that was the gasoline I drank. 32 00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:24,030 Oh, my God, it was good. Oh, God, I love drinking gasoline. 33 00:04:24,234 --> 00:04:26,498 It's excellent for the vocal cords. 34 00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:28,295 That's my little secret. 35 00:04:28,505 --> 00:04:30,803 - You're welcome. - How much time do we have? 36 00:04:31,842 --> 00:04:33,571 Let me see. 37 00:04:33,777 --> 00:04:34,903 Hang on a bit. 38 00:04:36,379 --> 00:04:37,437 There we go. 39 00:04:38,481 --> 00:04:40,779 All right, let's have a look-see. 40 00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:45,110 Everyone's on Facebook. 41 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,288 It says... 42 00:04:48,524 --> 00:04:54,463 ...that the end of the world will be August 29th, 28. 43 00:04:57,967 --> 00:04:59,025 Oh, God. 44 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:03,899 Bottoms up. 45 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,875 Sick. 46 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:56,750 Mark my words, leather boy. 47 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,921 Cave dweller. 48 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,719 Beaver hunter. 49 00:06:03,562 --> 00:06:08,363 Your doom lies with this. 50 00:06:11,069 --> 00:06:14,561 - The crystal skull. - That's right. Did your nibblies go tight? 51 00:06:14,773 --> 00:06:17,264 Yeah, they did. Just went up inside you, didn't they? 52 00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:27,544 Oh, boy. 53 00:06:34,092 --> 00:06:36,993 I knew I shouldn't have taken all those Ambien. 54 00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:50,238 Amy. Wake up, baby. I just had the weirdest dream. 55 00:06:50,874 --> 00:06:52,341 Amy. 56 00:06:52,643 --> 00:06:54,076 What? What the...? 57 00:06:54,278 --> 00:06:57,645 Flava-Flav! Yeah, boy! 58 00:06:57,848 --> 00:07:00,146 I've been giving your girl the flavor of love. 59 00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:03,911 She's been sucking my clock all night long. 60 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,644 Get the hell out of here, Flava! 61 00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:08,788 I'm Flava-Flav! 62 00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:15,060 - What is that about? - What? 63 00:07:15,264 --> 00:07:17,494 You said you didn't wanna be in a relationship. 64 00:07:18,401 --> 00:07:20,995 I know, but Flava? 65 00:07:22,371 --> 00:07:23,998 Will... 66 00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:27,643 ...I wanna take it to the next level. 67 00:07:32,948 --> 00:07:34,108 I love you. 68 00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:37,819 I like you too. 69 00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:42,152 Oh, man. 70 00:07:43,493 --> 00:07:45,518 Look, you don't understand. 71 00:07:45,727 --> 00:07:48,161 I think the world is coming to an end. 72 00:07:49,196 --> 00:07:51,426 That's a way of saying you have commitment issues. 73 00:07:53,368 --> 00:07:56,826 Unbelievable. Come on, Jojo. 74 00:07:59,639 --> 00:08:00,697 You're taking Jojo? 75 00:08:02,209 --> 00:08:03,198 Goodbye, Will. 76 00:08:05,714 --> 00:08:07,807 Are you still coming to my Sweet 16 party? 77 00:08:08,382 --> 00:08:09,849 You're 25. 78 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:12,518 - I never had one. - Grow up. 79 00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:40,909 Yeah. 80 00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:46,449 - Hey. - Yeah. 81 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,494 Amy, you came. 82 00:09:21,752 --> 00:09:23,219 Come on. 83 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,613 Oh, hey, Will. 84 00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:28,053 - Happy Sweet 16. - Thanks. 85 00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:31,185 Take a look at these. 86 00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:32,862 Oh, God. 87 00:09:35,666 --> 00:09:39,261 Hey, Will. It's your buddy, Dr. Phil. 88 00:09:42,806 --> 00:09:45,741 Hey, let me show you why my frat brothers... 89 00:09:45,942 --> 00:09:48,809 ...used to call me Dr. Phil-You-Up. 90 00:09:49,012 --> 00:09:51,037 Oh, hey, baby. 91 00:09:56,086 --> 00:09:58,748 Dyke. Come back here, I like it rough. 92 00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:02,388 Hey, Will, where's that girlfriend of yours, Amy? 93 00:10:02,591 --> 00:10:04,491 Don't let her get away. 94 00:10:04,693 --> 00:10:08,720 She's a real quality girl, a real keeper, like that one. 95 00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:10,625 Hey, come on back here, you whore. 96 00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:12,725 Thanks. 97 00:10:14,436 --> 00:10:15,994 Yo! 98 00:10:16,472 --> 00:10:20,135 Let's prank his ass. He passed out. 99 00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:30,779 He's sleeping like a baby. 100 00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:34,116 We can put his hands in warm water. 101 00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:36,818 Or I have a better idea. 102 00:10:37,025 --> 00:10:39,755 - Call it. - Tails. 103 00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:43,518 It is tails. 104 00:10:56,510 --> 00:10:58,034 Punch. 105 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,340 What's up, baby? 106 00:11:03,983 --> 00:11:05,883 Those guys are trying to steal our booze. 107 00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,815 - What? - We gotta get the alcohol... 108 00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:11,183 ...so we can get the girls drunk so we can finally get laid. 109 00:11:11,390 --> 00:11:12,721 I am McLover. 110 00:11:12,926 --> 00:11:15,190 - Yeah, I know. - I am McLover. 111 00:11:15,395 --> 00:11:18,523 - Stop saying that. - I am McLover. 112 00:11:18,731 --> 00:11:20,460 God, you are such a douche. 113 00:11:20,666 --> 00:11:22,964 Yeah, fake ID, what? 114 00:11:23,469 --> 00:11:25,369 Just get the booze. 115 00:11:25,571 --> 00:11:27,664 Nobody tries to steal my Goldschl�ger. 116 00:11:27,873 --> 00:11:29,966 Shoot the target. 117 00:11:32,678 --> 00:11:35,806 Lisa, how am I supposed to do that? I don't even have a clear shot. 118 00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:47,816 - Curve the bullet. - Say what? 119 00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:52,190 You can control the bullet to go wherever you want. 120 00:11:57,568 --> 00:11:59,695 Don't tell him what to do. He's my man. 121 00:11:59,904 --> 00:12:01,997 Back off, bitch. You don't want none of me. 122 00:12:07,411 --> 00:12:08,901 Shit. 123 00:12:10,282 --> 00:12:11,408 Get off of me. 124 00:12:20,124 --> 00:12:21,921 Come on, bitch. 125 00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,265 Take that, bitch. 126 00:12:45,815 --> 00:12:46,907 How do you like that? 127 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,590 Pretty little thing. Oh, look at you laying there. 128 00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:59,318 I should kiss you. Give me a kiss, baby. 129 00:13:16,311 --> 00:13:18,108 Left foot, yellow. 130 00:13:19,347 --> 00:13:20,780 Calvin? 131 00:13:20,981 --> 00:13:22,642 Calvin. 132 00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:25,819 - Are you gonna curve the bullet or what? - Hello? 133 00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:28,854 Yeah. Yeah, right, right. 134 00:13:32,526 --> 00:13:35,086 Let's go back to my hot tub. You can suck on my... 135 00:13:36,831 --> 00:13:39,493 - Damn. - Sorry, Phil. 136 00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:47,273 Shit. I can... I can do this. 137 00:13:53,546 --> 00:13:55,343 - Shit. Hurry up. - Dude. 138 00:13:56,516 --> 00:13:58,677 Just curve the bullet. 139 00:13:58,884 --> 00:14:01,045 I know you have the power. 140 00:14:18,836 --> 00:14:21,828 Fucking hurry up. Hurry up. 141 00:14:23,409 --> 00:14:24,842 Nice shot, asshole. 142 00:14:32,818 --> 00:14:36,015 Juney, why won't you Have an abortion? 143 00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:39,281 You're not exactly part of The Christian Coalition 144 00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:43,824 I could just grab a wire hanger And do it myself 145 00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:49,158 Like Jamie Lynn Spears I'm keeping this baby 146 00:14:49,367 --> 00:14:52,495 And, look, stud You are no George Clooney 147 00:14:52,703 --> 00:14:57,333 In fact, I just sold the baby To the highest bidder on eBay 148 00:15:02,245 --> 00:15:05,373 You're a sarcastic teen Who talks like she's 30... 149 00:15:20,529 --> 00:15:22,759 - Think Amy's coming tonight? - Man, I don't know. 150 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,990 That's your girlfriend. 151 00:15:25,202 --> 00:15:26,760 Actually, we broke up. 152 00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,301 Oh, you want some new booty. 153 00:15:29,505 --> 00:15:30,733 - A little Asian freak. - No... 154 00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:33,306 A little "One Night in Bangkok," a little sake-sake. 155 00:15:33,509 --> 00:15:36,444 I saw Memoirs of a Geisha. I know that shit goes on. 156 00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:38,613 I'm in love with her. 157 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,906 Then what your dumb ass break up with her for? 158 00:15:41,115 --> 00:15:42,878 It never would've worked out. 159 00:15:43,085 --> 00:15:45,315 It's better to end it than to end up hurting her. 160 00:15:45,521 --> 00:15:48,217 You know what? You got commitment issues, dog. 161 00:15:48,423 --> 00:15:51,449 Well, I didn't exactly have the best example growing up. 162 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,059 I never even knew my dad. He split when I was young. 163 00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:58,324 That's your girl right there. 164 00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:03,164 Who's that dude she with? 165 00:16:03,371 --> 00:16:06,465 She started dating some Calvin Klein underwear model. 166 00:16:10,978 --> 00:16:13,845 Forget about her, man. I got something that'll cheer you up. 167 00:16:17,818 --> 00:16:20,810 Dude, what is up with the marching band? 168 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:23,818 What better way to celebrate your super-duper Sweet 16... 169 00:16:24,424 --> 00:16:26,016 ...than with a high school musical? 170 00:16:34,935 --> 00:16:38,962 Tonight, tonight We're gonna get real crunk 171 00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:42,800 Tonight, tonight, A bum's peeing in the punch 172 00:16:48,114 --> 00:16:51,880 Hello, my friends You're all at my party 173 00:16:52,085 --> 00:16:56,112 It's so good to see all of you 174 00:16:56,321 --> 00:17:00,348 My ex-girl, Amy And my main man, Calvin 175 00:17:00,559 --> 00:17:04,461 And the priest that molested me too 176 00:17:04,664 --> 00:17:08,361 That reminds me Of the time I was in college 177 00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:11,127 I was experimenting 178 00:17:12,771 --> 00:17:16,468 Hooking up with a hot Foreign-exchange student 179 00:17:16,674 --> 00:17:20,576 I think his name was Hop Sing 180 00:17:21,178 --> 00:17:24,909 We'll all be friends forever 181 00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:29,245 Unless a random disaster Destroys the city 182 00:17:29,454 --> 00:17:33,220 We'll all be friends forever 183 00:17:33,424 --> 00:17:38,293 Because if that happened It'd be kind of shitty 184 00:17:39,296 --> 00:17:41,389 One, two, three, four 185 00:17:41,932 --> 00:17:45,629 After we split I took the break-up real hard 186 00:17:45,836 --> 00:17:50,000 - I started foolin' around - Foolin' around 187 00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:54,040 I did a black dude I thought he was Kanye 188 00:17:54,244 --> 00:17:57,941 And the Jonas Brothers all got down 189 00:17:58,146 --> 00:18:02,082 Now that you're split I'll get her hooked on the reefer 190 00:18:02,286 --> 00:18:06,620 Yeah, I'll start pimping her out 191 00:18:06,823 --> 00:18:09,291 - Wait, what? - Hey, hey, now. 192 00:18:09,692 --> 00:18:12,957 Snoop Dogg's got nothin' on this playa 193 00:18:13,161 --> 00:18:18,030 I'll get the first prize at the Playa's Ball 194 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,130 Hey, hey, man, whoa! 195 00:18:21,337 --> 00:18:24,670 Yeah, it's going on and on We can do it all day long 196 00:18:24,873 --> 00:18:28,001 It's the new phenomenon, whoa! 197 00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:32,112 Yeah, it's going on and on It's the new phenomenon 198 00:18:33,381 --> 00:18:37,249 We'll all be friends forever 199 00:18:37,452 --> 00:18:41,115 Unless a random disaster Destroys the city 200 00:18:41,323 --> 00:18:45,225 We'll all be friends forever 201 00:18:45,426 --> 00:18:50,261 Because if that happened It'd be kind of shitty 202 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:53,626 One, two, three, four 203 00:18:53,835 --> 00:18:56,565 J.T.'s here. J. T! 204 00:19:00,074 --> 00:19:01,598 Oh, babe 205 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,005 If I sang you a melody 206 00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:10,672 Would you toss me Your panties? 207 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,149 I don't mean to be a boastful man 208 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,384 But I've done groupies in my touring van 209 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,460 Britney, Cameron, Scarlett too 210 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,757 They all like a taste of my fondue 211 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,967 Come to think of it I've had so much ass 212 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,799 All that's left for me is Lance Bass 213 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:38,142 Look, everyone. It's Jessica Simpson. 214 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:56,350 My boobs are for Jesus 215 00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,860 All of this, all for Jesus 216 00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:00,621 Put your pants back on, Dad. 217 00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:04,563 Go, Romo! Oh, my God. He's gonna score a basket goal. 218 00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:07,499 Wait. What's it called again? Oh, my gosh, I totally forget. 219 00:20:07,704 --> 00:20:09,831 What is it, a rubdown? 220 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,940 What? A tickle down. 221 00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:14,839 Oh, a touchdown. 222 00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:16,570 Frigging jinx. 223 00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:20,140 Gosh. 224 00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:24,512 We'll all be friends forever 225 00:20:24,855 --> 00:20:28,848 Unless a random disaster Destroys the city 226 00:20:29,059 --> 00:20:33,257 We'll all be friends forever 227 00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:38,163 Because if that happened It'd be kind of shitty 228 00:20:39,069 --> 00:20:41,765 One, two, three, four, hooray! 229 00:20:46,442 --> 00:20:47,932 What's going on? 230 00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:56,008 What the hell was that? 231 00:20:56,218 --> 00:20:58,277 This is an emergency broadcast. 232 00:20:58,487 --> 00:21:00,387 This is an emergency broadcast. 233 00:21:00,589 --> 00:21:02,557 Shut up, everybody. Listen. 234 00:21:02,757 --> 00:21:04,281 Something has jolted the city. 235 00:21:04,493 --> 00:21:08,156 We're getting reports it could be an earthquake or some shit like that. 236 00:21:08,364 --> 00:21:09,388 Oh, shit. 237 00:21:09,597 --> 00:21:13,294 Seismologists have marked the epicenter at a trendy loft district... 238 00:21:13,502 --> 00:21:15,902 ... whose residents are attractive twentysomethings... 239 00:21:16,104 --> 00:21:17,935 ... who dance to bad '80s music... 240 00:21:18,139 --> 00:21:22,200 ... wear Abercrombie & Fitch, and like to drink light beer. 241 00:21:23,177 --> 00:21:24,974 Oh, God, we're all gonna die! 242 00:21:26,413 --> 00:21:28,438 Take a Xanax, Fabio. 243 00:21:28,650 --> 00:21:32,586 You're wigging harder than a smack addict at an lggy show circa '73. 244 00:21:33,053 --> 00:21:34,179 What? 245 00:21:34,389 --> 00:21:38,382 It's cool, Moe Dee. Sir Cries-a-Lot. 246 00:21:38,992 --> 00:21:40,983 You're totally giving me the stink eye. 247 00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:44,764 FYI, Battlecrotch Galactica... 248 00:21:44,965 --> 00:21:47,195 ...you're grape smuggling harder than Cornelius... 249 00:21:47,401 --> 00:21:51,303 ...in Planet of the Apes. The original, not Tim Burton's. 250 00:21:51,506 --> 00:21:54,498 And BT-dubs, I haven't seen a six-pack like that... 251 00:21:54,708 --> 00:21:58,144 ...since I shotgunned Molson Golden at Lollapalooza. 252 00:21:58,811 --> 00:22:00,676 I don't understand a thing you're saying. 253 00:22:00,881 --> 00:22:05,318 That's because I speak in overly written, clever-for-clever's-sake quips. 254 00:22:14,460 --> 00:22:16,690 Time to get this sea monkey plastered. 255 00:22:32,244 --> 00:22:35,236 This is an emergency broadcast. 256 00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:41,607 - Amy. Are you okay? - Yeah. 257 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,488 Why did you bring another guy to my party? 258 00:22:44,689 --> 00:22:47,453 - Why do you care? - Because l... 259 00:22:48,859 --> 00:22:50,326 I don't. 260 00:22:51,862 --> 00:22:53,454 I'm out of here. 261 00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:54,859 Later, bitch. 262 00:22:56,267 --> 00:22:57,495 You know what, Will? 263 00:22:57,700 --> 00:23:01,192 Every time we made love, I was thinking about another guy. 264 00:23:02,171 --> 00:23:03,695 Well, so was I. 265 00:23:07,944 --> 00:23:09,741 - Damn it. - Will! 266 00:23:10,748 --> 00:23:12,306 You gotta hear this. 267 00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:15,811 The quake erupted a gas main and destroyed the ghetto. 268 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:20,319 - I can live with that. - Oh, hell, no. 269 00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:22,424 - Cracker. - We're now getting reports... 270 00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:25,185 ... that asteroids are falling out of the sky and... 271 00:23:25,395 --> 00:23:26,555 End of the world. 272 00:23:26,762 --> 00:23:28,889 And a Pinkberry has just been destroyed. 273 00:23:34,070 --> 00:23:35,401 It's like my dream. 274 00:23:37,538 --> 00:23:40,701 I repeat, a Pinkberry has just been destroyed. 275 00:23:59,894 --> 00:24:01,828 God, what the hell's happening? 276 00:24:02,030 --> 00:24:04,521 - I think it's the apocalypse. - It's Armageddon. 277 00:24:04,733 --> 00:24:06,291 I think I just shit myself. 278 00:24:22,550 --> 00:24:23,539 Let's go. 279 00:24:26,553 --> 00:24:29,317 Oh, my God. Hannah Montana's dead. 280 00:24:31,459 --> 00:24:33,893 Oh, no. 281 00:24:34,094 --> 00:24:37,530 Well, goodbye, all my fans. 282 00:24:37,731 --> 00:24:39,289 Keep rocking. 283 00:24:47,339 --> 00:24:51,105 She is a national treasure! 284 00:24:54,980 --> 00:24:57,175 Also, remind your parents... 285 00:24:57,383 --> 00:25:00,819 ...to pick up your official Hannah Montana lunchbox... 286 00:25:01,020 --> 00:25:03,181 ...Hannah Montana cheese grater... 287 00:25:03,390 --> 00:25:05,324 ...and Hannah Montana toilet paper. 288 00:25:05,524 --> 00:25:09,221 And be sure to tune in to my Summer in Montana concert... 289 00:25:09,428 --> 00:25:13,558 ...this Wednesday, 8, 7 Central. 290 00:25:15,967 --> 00:25:19,459 I waited in line for two days for these tickets. 291 00:25:19,670 --> 00:25:21,194 Damn. 292 00:25:23,441 --> 00:25:29,676 And let me just say, those totally sexy and utterly provocative pictures of me... 293 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:35,318 ...were leaked onto MySpace completely without my permission. 294 00:25:35,820 --> 00:25:38,254 But if you'll notice in those pictures... 295 00:25:38,455 --> 00:25:40,423 ...l'm wearing my new line of sexy... 296 00:25:40,625 --> 00:25:46,325 ...Hannah Montana lingerie, now available at Target. 297 00:25:55,505 --> 00:25:58,030 Oh, my God. Hannah Montana is really Miley Cyrus. 298 00:25:58,241 --> 00:26:01,005 Well, duh. No shit, Sherlock. 299 00:26:01,211 --> 00:26:04,669 All I do is wear a wig and change my voice a little bit... 300 00:26:04,881 --> 00:26:08,044 ...and those dumb kids can't tell the difference. 301 00:26:08,251 --> 00:26:11,846 Then I get twice the pay and twice the merchandise. 302 00:26:12,054 --> 00:26:14,420 Just a reminder, my new CD comes out. 303 00:26:14,623 --> 00:26:17,558 Miley Cyrus: Underage. 304 00:26:17,761 --> 00:26:22,357 It's available in stores now. Featuring songs from my dad, Billy Ray. 305 00:26:22,566 --> 00:26:25,865 Only 9.95. 306 00:26:30,172 --> 00:26:31,571 Can somebody help us? 307 00:26:31,773 --> 00:26:33,707 Isn't there anybody that can help? 308 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,277 Hey, Hancock. 309 00:26:41,249 --> 00:26:42,910 Hancock? 310 00:26:43,785 --> 00:26:45,013 We need help. 311 00:26:46,955 --> 00:26:48,616 Wake up, you drunk motherfucker. 312 00:26:48,823 --> 00:26:52,020 Get your punk ass up, fly down there, and fix that shit. 313 00:26:53,995 --> 00:26:55,860 Asshole! 314 00:27:01,970 --> 00:27:03,403 Oh, hell, no. 315 00:27:03,604 --> 00:27:05,401 Big Willie's out of here. 316 00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:15,307 I need a drink. 317 00:27:23,323 --> 00:27:25,086 Holy shit! 318 00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:27,555 - It's coming this way. - What should we do? 319 00:27:27,761 --> 00:27:30,696 - Come on, guys. Let's get out of here. - Let's go! 320 00:27:33,433 --> 00:27:35,560 This way. Over here. Come on. Come on. 321 00:27:36,102 --> 00:27:37,126 Go, go, go. 322 00:27:44,944 --> 00:27:47,936 - What are we gonna do now? - Baby, I don't know. 323 00:27:48,146 --> 00:27:49,408 Look, we'll just... 324 00:27:49,614 --> 00:27:52,242 We'll wait out the storm here until it passes by. 325 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:56,810 Hey. 326 00:28:01,293 --> 00:28:03,261 This is our hiding place. 327 00:28:03,462 --> 00:28:06,590 Get lost. Right, Carrie? 328 00:28:07,965 --> 00:28:09,489 Hello, lover. 329 00:28:12,804 --> 00:28:14,863 Unless you wanna fight. 330 00:28:15,072 --> 00:28:17,131 Look, we don't want any trouble. 331 00:28:23,748 --> 00:28:24,976 I never back down. 332 00:28:25,182 --> 00:28:30,051 - Get some. - As you can see, I already did. 333 00:28:33,857 --> 00:28:37,520 And so I thought: Could a simple New York City gal like me... 334 00:28:37,728 --> 00:28:41,494 ... really beat the shit out of a pregnant teenager? I wonder. 335 00:28:41,698 --> 00:28:46,192 Like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, I must break you. 336 00:28:54,509 --> 00:28:56,067 - Yes! - Yeah! 337 00:29:16,030 --> 00:29:18,362 I'm lactating. Moo. 338 00:29:20,235 --> 00:29:22,533 Got milk? 339 00:29:30,945 --> 00:29:32,606 Oh, God. 340 00:29:38,985 --> 00:29:40,680 - Is that your feet? - Yeah. 341 00:29:40,888 --> 00:29:43,448 And this is my baby's foot. 342 00:29:46,159 --> 00:29:47,456 Smell it. 343 00:29:49,497 --> 00:29:50,521 And taste it. 344 00:29:52,266 --> 00:29:54,291 Suck on my placenta. 345 00:29:57,404 --> 00:30:00,168 - Yeah! - Oh, Carrie. 346 00:30:00,373 --> 00:30:02,364 Carrie, darling, are you all right? 347 00:30:02,575 --> 00:30:05,237 Come on, ladies. Let's get out of here now. 348 00:30:11,318 --> 00:30:13,218 - What the hell's going on? - I don't know. 349 00:30:13,419 --> 00:30:15,944 Wake up and smell the Prius. 350 00:30:16,155 --> 00:30:20,057 I know it's an inconvenient truth, but it's called global warming. 351 00:30:20,259 --> 00:30:23,092 No. No, it's not global warming. 352 00:30:24,597 --> 00:30:26,792 Amy Winehouse came to me in my dreams... 353 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,831 ...after I fought an American Gladiator. 354 00:30:29,301 --> 00:30:31,792 I think it has something to do with the crystal skull... 355 00:30:33,173 --> 00:30:35,903 Come on. Crackhead Winehouse? Crystal skull? 356 00:30:36,107 --> 00:30:37,404 You sound like a crazy man. 357 00:30:37,608 --> 00:30:41,135 Look, it's getting late. Let's just stay here tonight and wait out the storm. 358 00:30:41,579 --> 00:30:42,910 I'm freezing. 359 00:30:43,449 --> 00:30:44,848 We gotta take off our clothes. 360 00:30:46,918 --> 00:30:50,547 - What? - Our bodies will keep each other warm. 361 00:30:50,755 --> 00:30:53,622 Otherwise, we're not gonna make it through the night. 362 00:30:54,592 --> 00:30:55,923 Yeah. Yeah. 363 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,851 He's right. Come on. 364 00:31:08,038 --> 00:31:10,097 I think my water's gonna break. 365 00:31:10,841 --> 00:31:11,830 Water? 366 00:31:15,578 --> 00:31:17,239 What the...? 367 00:31:18,415 --> 00:31:20,007 Sorry. 368 00:31:24,487 --> 00:31:27,217 Look, I have something to tell you. I'm not really a banker. 369 00:31:27,424 --> 00:31:28,948 - I'm a jumper. - A what? 370 00:31:29,159 --> 00:31:30,888 I can teleport through time and space. 371 00:32:00,156 --> 00:32:02,590 I hope we stay together forever. 372 00:32:02,792 --> 00:32:03,986 I love you. 373 00:32:06,394 --> 00:32:07,759 Later. 374 00:32:11,866 --> 00:32:15,199 I am Prince Caspian, here to save Narnia. 375 00:32:18,305 --> 00:32:19,863 Little help? 376 00:32:21,544 --> 00:32:23,171 You guys? 377 00:32:27,381 --> 00:32:29,349 It's the guy who ruined Star Wars. 378 00:32:34,954 --> 00:32:37,889 - What? - Will, we saw your dream. 379 00:32:40,860 --> 00:32:43,158 - Oh, man. - Man, you messed shit up with Amy. 380 00:32:43,363 --> 00:32:45,957 You're lucky a girl like that would even talk to you. 381 00:32:46,165 --> 00:32:49,259 She's hot, sexy. She got a job. 382 00:32:49,635 --> 00:32:53,127 - Man, that girl out your league. - She's not out of my league. 383 00:32:53,339 --> 00:32:56,103 Shit, she gotta put up with your stank breath. 384 00:32:56,777 --> 00:33:00,144 Not to mention your abnormally high plumber's crack. 385 00:33:05,351 --> 00:33:06,648 Man, put your shirt down. 386 00:33:06,853 --> 00:33:09,879 All right. You're right, you're right. I messed up with Amy. 387 00:33:13,192 --> 00:33:14,955 I never should've let her go. 388 00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:20,090 Jesus Christ. That was a rump shaker. 389 00:33:20,298 --> 00:33:23,631 Okay, here's the plan. We gotta get the hell up out this city. 390 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,427 What you say? 391 00:33:26,170 --> 00:33:29,435 What the hell y'all doing leaving me? 392 00:33:31,944 --> 00:33:34,139 Keep it moving, people. Nothing to see. 393 00:33:35,145 --> 00:33:38,478 All the disasters have been contained. The city is secure. 394 00:33:44,855 --> 00:33:45,844 Shit. 395 00:33:47,357 --> 00:33:48,346 Sick. 396 00:33:51,127 --> 00:33:54,119 Like I said, keep moving. It's under control. 397 00:33:59,136 --> 00:34:00,125 I'm out of here. 398 00:34:06,310 --> 00:34:09,746 - What was that? - That was a head. That was a head. 399 00:34:09,946 --> 00:34:12,437 - Hello? - Whose head? 400 00:34:12,649 --> 00:34:13,946 - Hello? - Will, it's me. 401 00:34:14,150 --> 00:34:15,947 Amy, where are you? 402 00:34:16,153 --> 00:34:19,213 I'm at work at the museum. I was worried about the artifacts. 403 00:34:19,422 --> 00:34:22,357 - Are you okay? - I'm scared. 404 00:34:22,959 --> 00:34:24,950 It's gonna be all right, I promise. Listen. 405 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,924 There is something that I need to tell you... 406 00:34:28,130 --> 00:34:30,394 ...and I should've told you long before. I was an idiot. 407 00:34:34,536 --> 00:34:35,560 I love you. 408 00:34:38,072 --> 00:34:40,370 Oh, baby, I love you too. 409 00:34:42,511 --> 00:34:46,311 What do...? What do you say? Do you still love me? 410 00:34:46,514 --> 00:34:49,244 Yes, yes, of course, yes. 411 00:34:49,952 --> 00:34:50,941 Say something. 412 00:34:53,020 --> 00:34:54,578 Say something, you stuck-up bitch. 413 00:34:59,260 --> 00:35:00,386 Asshole. 414 00:35:01,229 --> 00:35:02,821 Hello? Hello, Amy? 415 00:35:03,731 --> 00:35:05,358 Shit. 416 00:35:07,802 --> 00:35:09,599 Oh, what the...? 417 00:35:10,370 --> 00:35:12,270 - We gotta go back. - Say what? 418 00:35:12,473 --> 00:35:14,270 Amy's in trouble. I'm going back for her. 419 00:35:14,474 --> 00:35:16,567 I let her go before. I'm not losing her again. 420 00:35:16,777 --> 00:35:19,974 Man, you crazy. There's all kinds of shit breaking out in the city. 421 00:35:20,181 --> 00:35:22,672 We don't leave right now, we're gonna die. 422 00:35:22,882 --> 00:35:24,543 It's something I gotta do. 423 00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:25,842 You guys keep going. 424 00:35:29,322 --> 00:35:31,415 No, I'm your boy, man. I'm gonna roll with you. 425 00:35:31,625 --> 00:35:34,025 Yeah, I mean, I'm already knocked up... 426 00:35:34,226 --> 00:35:38,390 ...so, what other shenanigans can I really get into? 427 00:35:38,598 --> 00:35:42,125 I mean, I'm more bloated than Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up... 428 00:35:42,335 --> 00:35:44,769 ...or Vince Vaughn in Fred Claus... 429 00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:48,239 ...or I guess Vince Vaughn in general. 430 00:35:48,441 --> 00:35:51,137 - So let's go. - Yeah, please. 431 00:35:53,545 --> 00:35:55,103 Lisa, come on. 432 00:35:55,313 --> 00:35:57,406 - No, guys. - Come on, baby. 433 00:35:57,616 --> 00:35:59,584 I really have a bad feeling about this. 434 00:36:04,622 --> 00:36:06,112 Lisa! 435 00:36:06,325 --> 00:36:07,883 They killed Lisa! 436 00:36:08,092 --> 00:36:09,218 - Lisa! - Come on, come on. 437 00:36:09,428 --> 00:36:12,522 - They killed Lisa! You bastards! - Come on, come on. We gotta go. 438 00:36:12,730 --> 00:36:14,254 Come on. 439 00:36:21,874 --> 00:36:24,775 I'm really sorry about your girlfriend, home skillet. 440 00:36:24,975 --> 00:36:27,773 Lo ciento about your main squeeze, kemosabe. 441 00:36:27,979 --> 00:36:33,815 I'd offer you my sexual favors, but I've got a lot of mucus discharge lately. 442 00:36:34,017 --> 00:36:35,279 Lisa was a great girl. 443 00:36:45,494 --> 00:36:47,519 Lisa who? 444 00:36:47,963 --> 00:36:49,260 Oh, where am I? 445 00:36:49,733 --> 00:36:52,133 Oh, what an enchanting place. 446 00:36:54,037 --> 00:36:57,097 It smells like meat and stress. 447 00:37:00,777 --> 00:37:01,835 Wonderful. 448 00:37:02,712 --> 00:37:04,179 What magical creature are you? 449 00:37:10,786 --> 00:37:12,253 My dear prince 450 00:37:12,455 --> 00:37:20,829 You have rescued me You've caught me in your arms 451 00:37:21,031 --> 00:37:26,298 Actually, you landed on my balls 452 00:37:26,501 --> 00:37:27,832 Let me guess. 453 00:37:28,036 --> 00:37:32,029 An evil witch banished you from your fairy-tale kingdom? 454 00:37:34,041 --> 00:37:36,509 No, my silly, pasty, quirky teen. 455 00:37:36,710 --> 00:37:40,202 Actually, I'm just a demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers. 456 00:37:41,349 --> 00:37:43,010 - How'd you end up there? - Drugs. 457 00:37:43,217 --> 00:37:46,516 Lots and lots and lots... 458 00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:51,350 ...of mind-altering, enchanting drugs! 459 00:37:53,827 --> 00:37:55,852 I don't judge. 460 00:37:58,565 --> 00:38:00,123 It's dangerous out there. 461 00:38:00,334 --> 00:38:03,167 You might wanna come with us if you wanna live. 462 00:38:03,369 --> 00:38:04,802 - Okay. - All right. 463 00:38:05,004 --> 00:38:07,939 - Goodbye. Oh, I'm going with you. - Yes, you are. 464 00:38:08,142 --> 00:38:11,009 The Natural History Museum is just uptown. Let's go. 465 00:38:16,482 --> 00:38:20,851 Dreams and fairy tales My true love 466 00:38:21,487 --> 00:38:26,390 Talking squirrels and magic and stuff 467 00:38:27,025 --> 00:38:29,926 No, princess, wait. Where are you going? 468 00:38:30,129 --> 00:38:32,563 And who's that Moorish ruffian? 469 00:38:32,765 --> 00:38:35,063 I'm her new boyfriend. What it do? 470 00:38:36,601 --> 00:38:39,729 Very funny, dark peasant. I'm Prince Edwin. 471 00:38:40,807 --> 00:38:44,140 - Princess, he your pimp? - Oh, good heavens, yes. 472 00:38:46,178 --> 00:38:49,545 But that's all right. I could have a pimp and a boyfriend. 473 00:38:50,449 --> 00:38:51,643 Oh, what to do? 474 00:38:54,052 --> 00:38:58,614 Whichever prince can vanquish the other shall win my hand. 475 00:39:05,729 --> 00:39:06,821 You ready to step up? 476 00:39:08,299 --> 00:39:10,358 Wait. You mean like the first Step Up movie... 477 00:39:10,568 --> 00:39:13,264 ...where the street-dancer dude went to the dance academy? 478 00:39:13,470 --> 00:39:15,529 No, I was thinking more like Step Up 2... 479 00:39:15,739 --> 00:39:18,640 ...when the tough street-dancing chick went to dancing academy. 480 00:39:19,542 --> 00:39:20,600 I feel you. 481 00:39:20,811 --> 00:39:24,645 He ain't ready for me. Juney, Will, I'm about to break him down, baby. 482 00:39:24,848 --> 00:39:27,180 You want some? Well, here you go. 483 00:39:36,793 --> 00:39:38,522 Oh, a hoedown? 484 00:39:40,864 --> 00:39:41,853 It's crazy-shirt man. 485 00:39:47,069 --> 00:39:49,162 Oh, no, no, no. 486 00:39:54,376 --> 00:39:55,775 It's just my sleeve. 487 00:39:55,978 --> 00:39:58,003 Oh, come on. 488 00:39:58,915 --> 00:40:00,780 He's double-jointed. Who cares about that? 489 00:40:03,218 --> 00:40:04,776 There must be a mirror somewhere. 490 00:40:07,455 --> 00:40:09,320 Make some room. Make some room. 491 00:40:09,524 --> 00:40:10,786 Make some room. 492 00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:13,484 - Come on, chubby. - Okay. 493 00:40:15,097 --> 00:40:17,065 What? What? What? 494 00:40:17,566 --> 00:40:20,160 Oh, damn, that ho is all on point. 495 00:40:31,078 --> 00:40:33,842 That bitch better work. She is off the chizzain. 496 00:40:34,047 --> 00:40:35,173 I think she's crowning. 497 00:40:38,052 --> 00:40:39,815 I want to dance. 498 00:40:40,021 --> 00:40:43,388 I'm not sure I can though. I'm not sure. 499 00:40:43,590 --> 00:40:46,559 L... Don't pressure me! 500 00:40:48,361 --> 00:40:49,988 I'm ready. 501 00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:52,931 Oh, look out. Look at her coming in. 502 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:55,726 Oh, yeah. 503 00:41:37,376 --> 00:41:39,537 I'm out of here. 504 00:41:40,245 --> 00:41:41,473 Bye. 505 00:41:41,679 --> 00:41:44,113 She's all yours, bro. 506 00:41:44,715 --> 00:41:46,046 It's a twister! 507 00:41:46,250 --> 00:41:48,445 Run! Run! 508 00:41:56,026 --> 00:41:58,153 Is there anyone that can save us? 509 00:41:58,362 --> 00:42:00,262 We need a hero. 510 00:42:08,405 --> 00:42:10,100 I am Iron Man. 511 00:42:12,709 --> 00:42:15,769 Oh, man! That twister shat out a cow. 512 00:42:17,247 --> 00:42:18,612 Shit. That's so messed up. 513 00:42:22,551 --> 00:42:24,985 Now you're pissing me off. 514 00:42:27,858 --> 00:42:30,349 I'm the only badass around here. 515 00:42:32,828 --> 00:42:34,523 Oh, damn! 516 00:42:34,730 --> 00:42:36,425 Another cow? 517 00:42:43,171 --> 00:42:44,638 What was that? 518 00:42:44,839 --> 00:42:46,204 It's not nice. 519 00:42:46,408 --> 00:42:48,808 Look at me. Look at this. 520 00:42:49,010 --> 00:42:50,602 It's a lobster claw. 521 00:42:50,812 --> 00:42:51,801 Whatever. 522 00:42:52,013 --> 00:42:55,608 Look, I'm carrying a lot of baggage. I didn't need that, man. 523 00:42:59,487 --> 00:43:03,924 Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. 524 00:43:04,391 --> 00:43:08,191 There's aspects of my personality that I can't control. 525 00:43:26,045 --> 00:43:27,945 At least he didn't get hit with a cow. 526 00:43:30,684 --> 00:43:33,551 - Man! - Hey, Casanova, forget Amy. 527 00:43:33,753 --> 00:43:35,653 We're never gonna make it to the museum. 528 00:43:35,856 --> 00:43:37,187 I know she's still alive. 529 00:43:37,391 --> 00:43:39,655 Hello? Jojo? 530 00:43:39,860 --> 00:43:42,420 Jojo? No, no, it's me. 531 00:43:42,628 --> 00:43:44,892 Will. Will, I'm trapped. 532 00:43:45,098 --> 00:43:48,693 An Egyptian statue fell on me during the earthquake. 533 00:43:48,901 --> 00:43:51,062 Stay calm, Amy. Just stay calm. 534 00:43:51,270 --> 00:43:54,103 I'm so scared. I'm so scared. 535 00:43:54,306 --> 00:43:57,002 All right, Amy, listen to me. Don't panic. 536 00:43:59,946 --> 00:44:01,743 I will be there, I promise. 537 00:44:05,283 --> 00:44:07,513 Amy? Amy? 538 00:44:09,789 --> 00:44:11,950 Guys, I'm going back for her. 539 00:44:14,793 --> 00:44:18,729 You can't save her if you're dead! Come on, let's go! 540 00:44:18,930 --> 00:44:20,761 - I'll be there as soon as I can. - Go, go. 541 00:44:20,966 --> 00:44:22,058 Goodbye. 542 00:44:22,267 --> 00:44:23,461 - Amy. No! - Will, let's go. 543 00:44:23,667 --> 00:44:25,362 - No! Damn it! - You got to! 544 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,177 I know you think I'm crazy... 545 00:44:36,379 --> 00:44:39,246 ...but these disasters have to do with the crystal skull. 546 00:44:39,450 --> 00:44:42,908 - It's like TMTH. - TM what? 547 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,247 Too much to handle. 548 00:44:45,656 --> 00:44:47,248 Bitch, why you don't just say that? 549 00:44:47,458 --> 00:44:50,120 Why everything a goddamn acronym with you? 550 00:44:50,327 --> 00:44:53,319 Chilly Willy out, LL Not Cool J. 551 00:44:53,530 --> 00:44:57,398 Oh, do stop all of this quarreling. Honestly. 552 00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,160 Now, who's hungry? 553 00:45:08,645 --> 00:45:10,010 Delicious. 554 00:45:10,847 --> 00:45:12,610 Whatever. 555 00:45:13,982 --> 00:45:15,142 Would you like some? 556 00:45:15,617 --> 00:45:16,641 No. 557 00:45:23,825 --> 00:45:25,349 What? 558 00:45:25,928 --> 00:45:28,658 Y'all, that's my Get Smart phone. Just give me a minute. 559 00:45:37,806 --> 00:45:39,831 You got poop. 560 00:45:40,342 --> 00:45:41,331 Just a smidge. 561 00:45:45,513 --> 00:45:48,346 Did I get it? Did I get it all? 562 00:45:49,952 --> 00:45:51,817 What y'all looking at me like that for? 563 00:45:52,019 --> 00:45:53,543 You got... Yeah. 564 00:45:54,155 --> 00:45:55,144 Is it right there? 565 00:45:55,990 --> 00:45:58,481 - It's fine. - Just go: 566 00:45:58,859 --> 00:46:01,225 Just... I get it all the time, all over. 567 00:46:05,999 --> 00:46:07,626 What it do? 568 00:46:10,637 --> 00:46:14,129 Hey, y'all, it's Lisa's mom. 569 00:46:14,674 --> 00:46:17,165 I gotta tell her what happened to her daughter. 570 00:46:22,147 --> 00:46:23,842 Hi, Miss Heller. 571 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:29,810 Lisa... 572 00:46:30,323 --> 00:46:31,915 Lisa dead. 573 00:46:34,393 --> 00:46:35,758 But booyah! 574 00:46:36,763 --> 00:46:40,199 I met this fine, hot enchanted-princess chick... 575 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,892 ...willing to do anything and everything I want. 576 00:46:44,103 --> 00:46:46,230 You gotta talk to her. Talk to her. 577 00:46:46,472 --> 00:46:50,966 Hello? Oh, yes, he's right. I will do anything. Truly. 578 00:46:51,176 --> 00:46:54,475 I'm not referred to on the street as the Cavernous Princess for nothing. 579 00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,740 A nomenclature well-deserved, most assuredly. 580 00:46:57,950 --> 00:47:00,350 If you've got 5 bucks or some meth, I'll show you. 581 00:47:00,552 --> 00:47:02,850 One time I hooked up with a 1 -year-old wizard. 582 00:47:03,053 --> 00:47:06,682 His penis kept reappearing in all sorts of different places. 583 00:47:06,891 --> 00:47:08,381 Never again. 584 00:47:08,593 --> 00:47:11,756 You're so cool. We should totally hang out. 585 00:47:11,963 --> 00:47:13,760 She's awesome. 586 00:47:13,965 --> 00:47:16,126 Look, we gotta get to Amy at the Natural History Museum. 587 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:21,529 Oh, my. 588 00:47:21,972 --> 00:47:24,873 - Oh, no. - I can't see anything. 589 00:47:25,108 --> 00:47:29,010 - Neither can I. - Somebody is totally feeling me up. 590 00:47:29,213 --> 00:47:31,443 - Calvin. - I didn't do it. 591 00:47:34,284 --> 00:47:37,117 They're so perky. They're filled with milk. 592 00:47:39,624 --> 00:47:41,592 What the hell was that? 593 00:48:27,602 --> 00:48:31,333 Wonderful. What adorable woodland creatures. 594 00:48:31,538 --> 00:48:35,030 I'm not merry, really. That didn't... I mean, that didn't make me merry. 595 00:48:35,242 --> 00:48:38,268 I don't feel merry, I guess. 596 00:49:14,413 --> 00:49:15,744 Man, them guys are all right. 597 00:49:16,350 --> 00:49:17,977 That's cute. That's cute. 598 00:49:52,817 --> 00:49:56,878 Okay, you guys are not Alvin and the Chipmunks, are you? 599 00:49:59,490 --> 00:50:00,855 I think that one's got rabies. 600 00:50:05,795 --> 00:50:07,490 Where you going, punk-ass? 601 00:50:10,668 --> 00:50:12,932 Alvin! 602 00:50:18,843 --> 00:50:20,538 Get him off! 603 00:50:20,743 --> 00:50:22,711 Chipmunks love nuts. 604 00:50:28,017 --> 00:50:31,384 Get him off! What the hell? I thought you was my friend! 605 00:50:32,054 --> 00:50:33,043 Salty. 606 00:50:38,828 --> 00:50:41,820 You're hitting the wrong thing! You...! 607 00:50:48,438 --> 00:50:52,568 I feel left out. No one's biting my flesh. Pooh. 608 00:50:56,879 --> 00:50:58,744 Is that the best you got, pussy? 609 00:51:02,717 --> 00:51:03,809 You are such a girl. 610 00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,095 Redrum! 611 00:51:30,978 --> 00:51:32,775 Where'd he go? 612 00:51:41,254 --> 00:51:42,380 Yeah! 613 00:51:45,825 --> 00:51:47,622 Don't bite me. Get lost! 614 00:51:56,503 --> 00:51:58,664 Oh, boy, tasty vertebrae. 615 00:51:59,672 --> 00:52:00,900 - Juney. - Let her go. 616 00:52:01,106 --> 00:52:02,971 Let her go, man. Ain't nothing we can do. 617 00:52:03,175 --> 00:52:04,540 But she's still alive. 618 00:52:04,743 --> 00:52:06,108 They're munching me harder... 619 00:52:06,312 --> 00:52:10,510 ...than Rachael Ray chowing down eggs Benedict on $40 a Day. 620 00:52:10,715 --> 00:52:11,739 Yeah. 621 00:52:11,950 --> 00:52:16,319 Even when the bitch is dying, she don't shut up with her witty repartee. 622 00:52:16,522 --> 00:52:20,219 Hey, BFFs, what's the 411 on the 911? 623 00:52:20,425 --> 00:52:22,723 Oh, she is rather annoying. 624 00:52:22,926 --> 00:52:26,919 WTH? I'm so not ROTFLOL'ing... 625 00:52:27,131 --> 00:52:32,228 ...but please KIT, before I get 187'd. 626 00:52:33,504 --> 00:52:35,404 Blog you later. 627 00:52:36,541 --> 00:52:38,406 - Finally. - Finally. 628 00:52:39,143 --> 00:52:41,873 That was just the amuse bouche. Now the main course. 629 00:52:46,216 --> 00:52:48,582 - Come back here, you bitches. - Bitches! 630 00:52:48,786 --> 00:52:50,845 I'll get you in your grill. 631 00:52:51,054 --> 00:52:52,578 Pussies. 632 00:52:52,788 --> 00:52:53,846 Die! 633 00:52:54,057 --> 00:52:57,458 Can't breathe. Need air. 634 00:52:59,463 --> 00:53:01,021 Shitheads! 635 00:53:08,238 --> 00:53:10,365 Is everybody okay? 636 00:53:10,574 --> 00:53:12,269 Yeah, I'm okay. 637 00:53:12,474 --> 00:53:16,035 Hey, baby, your knees are all skinned up. 638 00:53:16,846 --> 00:53:19,406 Oh, yes, but that's not from the chipmunks. 639 00:53:20,816 --> 00:53:23,148 But I do have this terrible headache. 640 00:53:24,819 --> 00:53:27,287 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 641 00:53:27,489 --> 00:53:29,923 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 642 00:53:30,126 --> 00:53:32,594 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 643 00:53:32,794 --> 00:53:34,921 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 644 00:53:35,130 --> 00:53:36,893 I just... I just did. 645 00:53:37,099 --> 00:53:38,566 I said, Head On, bitch. 646 00:53:38,768 --> 00:53:40,736 - Apply directly to the forehead. - Whatever. 647 00:53:40,935 --> 00:53:42,425 Don't cop an attitude, slut. 648 00:53:42,636 --> 00:53:46,197 I said, apply Head On directly to your goddamn forehead. 649 00:53:46,408 --> 00:53:49,275 Okay, okay. Happy? 650 00:53:49,477 --> 00:53:51,502 Look, you little white-trash piece of shit... 651 00:53:51,713 --> 00:53:52,873 ... Head On, motherfucker. 652 00:53:53,081 --> 00:53:55,811 Apply directly to your motherfucking forehead. 653 00:53:56,016 --> 00:53:59,110 Okay? There. It's all over. 654 00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:03,916 Head on, face on, nose on, eyes on. 655 00:54:06,027 --> 00:54:07,756 Oh, that's great. 656 00:54:07,962 --> 00:54:09,327 My headache is gone... 657 00:54:09,531 --> 00:54:12,625 ...but I still have that dreadful yeast infection. 658 00:54:13,966 --> 00:54:15,365 Sourdough anyone? 659 00:54:16,136 --> 00:54:18,934 - I could've did without that. - Let's get to the museum. 660 00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:25,705 - Let's go! - Move it! 661 00:54:25,913 --> 00:54:27,881 Out of the way! 662 00:54:36,355 --> 00:54:37,947 Excuse me, sir. 663 00:54:38,157 --> 00:54:40,182 What's going on? Where's everybody going? 664 00:54:40,393 --> 00:54:43,521 It's a mass evacuation. Everyone has to leave the city right now. 665 00:54:43,730 --> 00:54:45,493 Hold up, hold up. You leaving, Batman? 666 00:54:45,698 --> 00:54:49,532 Shit. Yes. Yeah, I'm leaving. Okay? I don't wanna die. 667 00:54:49,735 --> 00:54:51,828 Not on my schedule today. Not on my to-do list. 668 00:54:52,037 --> 00:54:55,370 It wasn't, "Wake up, make breakfast, jog, science experiment, die." 669 00:54:55,574 --> 00:54:59,567 Not on it. Not on it. Okay? Are we done? 670 00:54:59,778 --> 00:55:01,143 All right. 671 00:55:01,812 --> 00:55:04,645 Anyone who stays in town is gonna be buried in rubble. 672 00:55:04,850 --> 00:55:05,976 I hate rubble. 673 00:55:06,184 --> 00:55:09,847 I've gotta get to the Natural History Museum, to my girl, Amy. She's trapped. 674 00:55:10,055 --> 00:55:13,491 If you go back after your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 675 00:55:13,791 --> 00:55:14,985 I'll take those odds. 676 00:55:17,862 --> 00:55:21,696 - She must be some piece of pussy. - She is, sir. She is. 677 00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:26,499 Look, the evacuation bus is leaving city hall at 21 hours. 678 00:55:26,703 --> 00:55:29,467 Twenty-one hundred? Hold on, what is...? That's... 679 00:55:29,673 --> 00:55:31,834 - Five, carry the six... - Nine p.m. 680 00:55:32,041 --> 00:55:34,703 I'm gonna save you your crazy math. It's 9 p.m. 681 00:55:34,911 --> 00:55:37,209 You start at noon, then nine hours later. 682 00:55:37,414 --> 00:55:40,713 That's 9. That's the time you need to get on those evacuation buses... 683 00:55:40,917 --> 00:55:42,407 ...or you're dead. 684 00:55:42,620 --> 00:55:44,087 Dead? 685 00:55:45,422 --> 00:55:47,583 Come on, it's already 5:30! 686 00:55:48,392 --> 00:55:50,724 Say again, 5:3? Oh, Jesus. 687 00:55:50,927 --> 00:55:53,452 Oh, God. I wasted the whole day. 688 00:55:53,663 --> 00:55:56,928 I was... I was on Amazon looking for stuff. 689 00:55:57,132 --> 00:56:00,465 Shit. Why? Why would I go Christmas shopping today? 690 00:56:01,136 --> 00:56:04,970 Why would I pick today? Son of a bitch. Okay, plan B. 691 00:56:09,812 --> 00:56:11,143 - Hi. - Hi. 692 00:56:11,346 --> 00:56:12,370 I'm Batman. 693 00:56:12,582 --> 00:56:14,379 I'm Enchanted Princess. 694 00:56:14,583 --> 00:56:17,177 True story: I had a woman one time... 695 00:56:17,387 --> 00:56:21,653 ...tell me I was in the top four best lovers she's ever had. 696 00:56:21,856 --> 00:56:23,255 That's a true story. 697 00:56:23,457 --> 00:56:25,084 And she had been around the block. 698 00:56:27,629 --> 00:56:31,725 Would you want to watch me play with myself? 699 00:56:33,367 --> 00:56:34,356 Goodbye. 700 00:56:45,946 --> 00:56:47,436 Come on, let's go. 701 00:56:50,650 --> 00:56:51,947 Break yourself, fool. 702 00:56:52,152 --> 00:56:55,246 You best be getting out of that Mach 5 or I'll toe-tag your ass. 703 00:57:04,296 --> 00:57:06,491 You know, they say that the first kill... 704 00:57:06,700 --> 00:57:08,497 ...is supposed to be quite difficult. 705 00:57:08,702 --> 00:57:12,365 But I find it easy. In fact, rather fun. 706 00:57:13,340 --> 00:57:16,138 Take it. Do it. 707 00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:23,409 Look, Ma, no eyes. 708 00:57:23,616 --> 00:57:25,140 I didn't have a mother! 709 00:57:28,888 --> 00:57:31,857 That was better than sex with a camel. 710 00:57:43,301 --> 00:57:46,327 What? We're just playing with my monkey. 711 00:57:50,942 --> 00:57:52,500 Let's roll. 712 00:57:56,014 --> 00:57:57,140 Oh, my! 713 00:58:09,394 --> 00:58:10,383 Come on! 714 00:58:12,729 --> 00:58:14,060 Run. 715 00:58:15,767 --> 00:58:17,564 We gotta keep going. 716 00:58:19,202 --> 00:58:22,069 These glass slippers are awfully hard to run in. 717 00:58:30,246 --> 00:58:31,907 Help. Help. 718 00:58:32,716 --> 00:58:34,013 Amy. 719 00:58:36,119 --> 00:58:38,383 - You came back for me. - I love you, Amy. 720 00:58:39,055 --> 00:58:41,956 I know. I love you too. 721 00:58:43,626 --> 00:58:45,924 Now get this freaking spear out of my shoulder. 722 00:58:46,128 --> 00:58:47,117 Yeah. 723 00:58:48,064 --> 00:58:49,395 - Okay. - It hurts. 724 00:58:49,597 --> 00:58:50,757 Okay. All right. 725 00:58:50,966 --> 00:58:52,957 She's pinned through to the floor, guys. 726 00:58:53,168 --> 00:58:55,932 This isn't gonna be easy. Calvin, I'm gonna need your help. 727 00:58:56,138 --> 00:58:57,765 Right. 728 00:59:02,410 --> 00:59:05,345 - What was that for? - I was trying to knock her unconscious... 729 00:59:05,547 --> 00:59:06,912 ...so she wouldn't feel pain. 730 00:59:08,183 --> 00:59:09,810 Good thinking. 731 00:59:10,418 --> 00:59:13,785 - Baby, this is for your own good. - Okay. 732 00:59:21,161 --> 00:59:25,461 Man, you hit like a pussy. Let me try. 733 00:59:33,107 --> 00:59:34,768 Man, this girl can take a hit. 734 00:59:43,816 --> 00:59:45,579 Why? 735 00:59:47,121 --> 00:59:49,521 It's not working. Let's just pull it out of her. 736 00:59:51,223 --> 00:59:52,212 On the count of three. 737 00:59:52,426 --> 00:59:54,860 One, two, three. 738 00:59:55,061 --> 00:59:56,494 Good job. 739 01:00:08,341 --> 01:00:10,935 We gotta get out of here. This place is gonna collapse. 740 01:00:11,510 --> 01:00:16,971 No. Not until we return this... 741 01:00:17,949 --> 01:00:19,473 ...back to the altar. 742 01:00:19,985 --> 01:00:21,714 A magic bong. 743 01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:24,753 The crystal skull. The one from my dreams. 744 01:00:24,956 --> 01:00:29,359 Now, legend has it that if the crystal skull is missing from the altar... 745 01:00:29,561 --> 01:00:31,722 ...it's the end of the world. Earthquakes... 746 01:00:31,930 --> 01:00:34,455 ...asteroids, return of the Spice Girls. 747 01:00:34,666 --> 01:00:35,792 Yes! 748 01:00:37,402 --> 01:00:38,391 The apocalypse. 749 01:00:38,602 --> 01:00:41,127 And you know this shit because you're the docent? 750 01:00:41,337 --> 01:00:43,999 I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. 751 01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:45,800 Do you know what this means? 752 01:00:46,011 --> 01:00:48,878 Me dreaming about the skull, and you knowing about the skull? 753 01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:52,675 - That we were destined to be together? - No, that we both really love skulls. 754 01:00:53,783 --> 01:00:55,478 But that too. 755 01:00:57,122 --> 01:00:59,647 Will, we gotta get out of here. It's almost 9 o'clock. 756 01:00:59,857 --> 01:01:03,054 If we don't make it to them evacuation buses, we're gonna die. 757 01:01:05,362 --> 01:01:06,761 Go, Calvin. 758 01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:09,990 I'm staying here with Amy. We're returning the skull to the altar. 759 01:01:11,936 --> 01:01:13,597 - See you. - Nice meeting you. 760 01:01:14,138 --> 01:01:16,231 Let's find that altar. 761 01:01:44,233 --> 01:01:45,222 What's happening? 762 01:01:45,433 --> 01:01:48,698 Everything in the museum is coming to life. 763 01:01:51,305 --> 01:01:52,932 Hell, no! 764 01:01:54,176 --> 01:01:55,404 Bully! Bully! 765 01:01:56,979 --> 01:01:58,139 Yes! 766 01:02:02,049 --> 01:02:04,779 - Let's get the hell up out of here. - Drugs are great. 767 01:02:09,356 --> 01:02:12,325 - The altar to the crystal skull is this way. - Okay. 768 01:02:18,499 --> 01:02:20,262 I am Beowulf. 769 01:02:24,971 --> 01:02:26,165 Hello. 770 01:02:28,842 --> 01:02:30,104 What? 771 01:02:31,379 --> 01:02:32,641 I am Beowulf. 772 01:02:34,381 --> 01:02:36,781 - Can you put some clothes on? - I am Beowulf. 773 01:02:36,983 --> 01:02:40,817 I fought the monster Grendel with no armor, and that is how I'll fight you. 774 01:02:41,721 --> 01:02:43,188 Wait. You fight naked? 775 01:02:46,258 --> 01:02:47,247 I am Beowulf. 776 01:02:47,459 --> 01:02:48,653 That's kind of gay, bro. 777 01:02:49,161 --> 01:02:51,129 It's not... It's not gay. It's... 778 01:02:51,331 --> 01:02:53,265 No, I'm sorry. That's gay. 779 01:02:53,465 --> 01:02:55,296 It's not gay. It's not. 780 01:02:55,501 --> 01:02:59,130 It's how we do it in 57, dick. 781 01:02:59,338 --> 01:03:02,205 - Ask anybody. - All right, I will. I'll ask my friend Paul. 782 01:03:02,407 --> 01:03:05,535 We're boating tomorrow. I'll ask him when we're out in the seas. 783 01:03:06,177 --> 01:03:09,510 - Paul? - My friend Paul, who is my partner. 784 01:03:11,048 --> 01:03:13,539 He's my friend. We're also partners. 785 01:03:14,586 --> 01:03:17,316 - Life partner? - No, business partners. 786 01:03:17,523 --> 01:03:20,356 We opened an antique shop together. 787 01:03:20,557 --> 01:03:22,320 - That's gay. - Why is that gay? 788 01:03:22,527 --> 01:03:25,894 Why are antiques gay? Because I like old things that are kitschy? 789 01:03:28,132 --> 01:03:29,861 I'm Beowulf! 790 01:03:30,300 --> 01:03:33,633 Excuse me, are you ready to get your ass kicked? 791 01:03:39,976 --> 01:03:43,844 Oh, hell, no, Kung Fu Panda. 792 01:03:44,548 --> 01:03:47,039 You shouldn't have done that. 793 01:03:53,090 --> 01:03:55,684 Get ready to feel the thunder. 794 01:04:24,119 --> 01:04:25,950 Your girl looks familiar, man. 795 01:04:26,155 --> 01:04:30,854 Last year, I paid her 20 bucks for 20 minutes, if you know what I mean. 796 01:04:31,193 --> 01:04:33,753 It's true. And a curious factoid: 797 01:04:33,962 --> 01:04:37,193 Pandas actually have three descending testicles. 798 01:04:38,999 --> 01:04:40,557 That's it. 799 01:05:33,419 --> 01:05:34,784 Oh, shit. 800 01:05:42,728 --> 01:05:44,855 Oh, wonderful job. 801 01:05:47,666 --> 01:05:52,797 My dear prince You have defended my honor 802 01:05:53,705 --> 01:05:55,400 Kiss me, baby. 803 01:06:18,295 --> 01:06:21,731 - You a dude? - I'm a trannie. I thought you knew. 804 01:06:22,933 --> 01:06:24,400 No. 805 01:06:35,412 --> 01:06:36,640 Get him, Will. 806 01:06:37,447 --> 01:06:39,915 - I am Beowulf. - Yeah, I know already. 807 01:06:40,115 --> 01:06:42,675 Surrender so we can go get brunch. 808 01:06:42,886 --> 01:06:46,151 And I got us tickets to Jersey Boys. 809 01:06:46,389 --> 01:06:47,913 No. 810 01:07:00,067 --> 01:07:01,261 We can go to my place. 811 01:07:01,470 --> 01:07:05,304 I TiVo'd Dancing with the Stars, results show. 812 01:07:05,507 --> 01:07:07,372 - No! - Beowulf! 813 01:07:09,243 --> 01:07:11,939 I wanna take you on Rosie O'Donnell's cruise. 814 01:07:12,147 --> 01:07:15,605 Just me, you, and my dear friend George Takei. 815 01:07:16,118 --> 01:07:17,608 Screw this. 816 01:07:18,053 --> 01:07:20,351 I'm Beowulf! 817 01:07:21,622 --> 01:07:24,352 Beowulf out. 818 01:07:28,029 --> 01:07:29,587 Hurry, we're running out of time. 819 01:08:01,694 --> 01:08:03,286 Indiana Jones? 820 01:08:06,266 --> 01:08:07,665 Indiana, my ass. 821 01:08:09,401 --> 01:08:10,629 I'll take it from here. 822 01:08:17,143 --> 01:08:20,579 Thanks, son. That's right, I'm your father. 823 01:08:22,714 --> 01:08:25,683 - You're my dad? - Your mom got around. 824 01:08:25,885 --> 01:08:28,752 - A real slut, actually. - Right, I get it. 825 01:08:28,953 --> 01:08:30,443 She did this special thing... 826 01:08:30,656 --> 01:08:34,683 ...with her big toe and candle wax... - Okay. 827 01:08:34,894 --> 01:08:36,987 I'm sorry I walked out on you and your mother. 828 01:08:37,195 --> 01:08:39,095 But I got an adventurous spirit... 829 01:08:39,297 --> 01:08:41,993 ...and a hot-ass whore in every major city. 830 01:08:43,635 --> 01:08:45,159 What do we have here? 831 01:08:45,370 --> 01:08:46,837 Is this your girl? 832 01:08:47,038 --> 01:08:50,269 - Yeah. - What a nice young lady. 833 01:08:50,475 --> 01:08:52,272 And you got some shape on you. 834 01:08:52,476 --> 01:08:54,808 Yeah, baby. You're so nice. 835 01:08:55,012 --> 01:08:58,311 - And you got some ass on you. - Dad. 836 01:08:58,515 --> 01:09:00,676 - Oh, so beautiful. - Dad. 837 01:09:00,885 --> 01:09:04,787 If a nice ass meant a hamburger, baby, you'd have a Whopper. 838 01:09:04,988 --> 01:09:06,387 - Oh, shit. - Dad. 839 01:09:06,590 --> 01:09:10,321 Do you do Pilates? I'm just asking. Just asking. 840 01:09:13,797 --> 01:09:16,698 Don't do what your old man did. Settle down. 841 01:09:18,267 --> 01:09:20,132 Hell, I got gonorrhea so many times... 842 01:09:20,337 --> 01:09:22,396 ...my johnson looked like a melted Baby Ruth. 843 01:09:23,873 --> 01:09:27,468 Hell, in the '7s, my nickname was Chlamydia Jones. 844 01:09:28,844 --> 01:09:33,008 There is no cure for herpes, and I bullshit you not. 845 01:09:33,816 --> 01:09:35,545 Thanks, Dad. 846 01:09:57,872 --> 01:10:00,705 - This looks easy. - Not as easy as it used to be. 847 01:10:04,945 --> 01:10:07,277 Oh, shit, my hip. 848 01:10:12,419 --> 01:10:15,411 - You know I gotta get my hustle on. - Bye, Dad. 849 01:10:17,825 --> 01:10:18,985 I'm gonna make it. 850 01:10:19,192 --> 01:10:20,784 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 851 01:10:20,995 --> 01:10:22,257 Oh, shit! 852 01:10:25,366 --> 01:10:28,199 That hurts. Oh, shit! 853 01:10:55,528 --> 01:11:00,659 Why don't you just walk to the altar? It's like 10 feet away. 854 01:11:01,667 --> 01:11:03,498 Silly girl. 855 01:11:10,842 --> 01:11:13,936 No, don't cry. I'll be fine. 856 01:12:00,790 --> 01:12:02,451 I am the Guru Shitka. 857 01:12:02,660 --> 01:12:06,289 And we are here today to bring together Amy and Will... 858 01:12:06,497 --> 01:12:09,432 ...in a union of peace and happiness. 859 01:12:09,631 --> 01:12:15,467 And to point out, gee, Amy, you are totally hot. TM. 860 01:12:17,506 --> 01:12:19,064 Amy, do you take Will... 861 01:12:19,274 --> 01:12:22,971 ...to be your peanut butter and jelly that goes into your love belly? 862 01:12:23,178 --> 01:12:24,202 I do. 863 01:12:24,413 --> 01:12:28,816 And, Will, do you take Amy to be your doughnut of love... 864 01:12:29,016 --> 01:12:32,008 ...that you'll fill with cream every day? 865 01:12:32,221 --> 01:12:33,210 I do. 866 01:12:36,425 --> 01:12:39,724 Well, in that case, give her a pound. 867 01:12:40,661 --> 01:12:42,754 Lock it down. 868 01:12:43,132 --> 01:12:44,997 Break the pickle. 869 01:12:45,400 --> 01:12:46,560 Now, tickle my pickle. 870 01:12:55,843 --> 01:12:56,832 I love you, Will. 871 01:12:57,044 --> 01:12:59,103 I love you too, Amy. 872 01:12:59,412 --> 01:13:01,846 But there's something I should tell you. 873 01:13:02,950 --> 01:13:03,939 What is it? 874 01:13:16,730 --> 01:13:17,958 I'm fucking Matt Damon 875 01:13:18,632 --> 01:13:20,964 You're fucking Matt Damon? 876 01:13:21,168 --> 01:13:22,692 Well, I'm fucking Hannah Montana 877 01:13:22,903 --> 01:13:24,302 She's fucking Hannah Montana 878 01:13:24,505 --> 01:13:28,100 Backstage at my concert Fucks me on my parents' bed 879 01:13:28,307 --> 01:13:31,367 After school, at my locker, In the car I give her head 880 01:13:31,577 --> 01:13:33,101 I'm also fucking the Flava 881 01:13:33,312 --> 01:13:35,780 Yeah, boy She's fucking Flava-Flav, fool 882 01:13:35,982 --> 01:13:38,780 You know what time it is Because I'm fucking Juney too 883 01:13:39,852 --> 01:13:43,288 Yeah, I know, but it's true Flava-Flav, he fucks me too 884 01:13:43,489 --> 01:13:46,754 And I swap with Calvin And he swaps with that dude 885 01:13:46,959 --> 01:13:48,392 And we're all fucking Hellboy 886 01:13:49,160 --> 01:13:54,928 Yeah, they're fucking Hellboy And I'm fucking the Hulk 887 01:13:55,134 --> 01:13:58,501 When I get really mad I start fucking Iron Man 888 01:13:58,702 --> 01:14:01,899 A most uncomfortable screw But I fuck the princess too 889 01:14:03,608 --> 01:14:05,473 Who's that ringing on my bell? 890 01:14:05,677 --> 01:14:07,440 The bitch who's fucking Iron Man 891 01:14:07,645 --> 01:14:12,412 That's l-R-O-N M-A-N And I fuck him in the mouth 892 01:14:12,617 --> 01:14:16,109 That's fucking great Because I'm fucking Wolf 893 01:14:18,555 --> 01:14:20,216 He's fucking Wolf Ain't that a pity? 894 01:14:20,424 --> 01:14:23,757 Because I'm fucking those bitches From Sex and the City 895 01:14:25,162 --> 01:14:28,131 He fucks the Sex and the City gals 896 01:14:28,332 --> 01:14:31,130 So I wondered: Would Wolf really get jealous... 897 01:14:31,334 --> 01:14:34,326 ...if he knew we were fucking that guy with the big utility belt? 898 01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:37,167 They're all fucking Batman 899 01:14:37,374 --> 01:14:40,571 At Wayne Manor, in the Batcave Butler Alfred is our love slave 900 01:14:40,776 --> 01:14:42,471 Riddle me this Holy bathhouse 901 01:14:42,679 --> 01:14:44,169 I'm fucking Amy Winehouse? 902 01:14:44,381 --> 01:14:47,680 He's fucking Amy Winehouse 903 01:14:47,884 --> 01:14:50,478 Yeah, on the down-low, low, low 904 01:14:50,686 --> 01:14:53,621 And I'm fucking Jessica Simpson 905 01:14:54,358 --> 01:14:57,521 'Cause I'm on blow, blow, blow 906 01:14:57,726 --> 01:15:01,685 She's fucking Jessica Simpson Oh, yeah 907 01:15:01,898 --> 01:15:05,925 And I think I might have fucked That hot assassin 908 01:15:06,135 --> 01:15:09,298 Everyone's fucked me And I've fucked them back, you see 909 01:15:09,504 --> 01:15:12,837 And the Mexican too With the tragic hairdo 910 01:15:13,275 --> 01:15:16,210 Call it, heads, I'm fucking J. T. 911 01:15:16,411 --> 01:15:19,346 I'm fucking that male model 'Cause he's so fine 912 01:15:19,547 --> 01:15:22,675 And I like to get up In them Calvin Kleins 913 01:15:22,884 --> 01:15:29,255 It's true, J. T. Fucked my ass again But I'm also fucking Prince Caspian 914 01:15:29,791 --> 01:15:32,988 I am handsome and I am cool 915 01:15:33,194 --> 01:15:36,391 That's why this prince Fucks the kids from high school 916 01:15:40,267 --> 01:15:41,757 - Come on - Let's hear it 917 01:15:41,970 --> 01:15:43,904 - Now's the time to party - Let me hear you 918 01:15:44,105 --> 01:15:46,266 - You know what time it is? - No, what time is it? 919 01:15:46,473 --> 01:15:48,407 - It's time to get fucked - Fuck me 920 01:15:48,609 --> 01:15:50,668 - No, fuck me - Fuck me 921 01:15:50,878 --> 01:15:52,812 He fucks all us kids in high school 922 01:15:53,013 --> 01:15:56,949 Under the bleachers, in the showers While we're changing for gym class 923 01:15:57,150 --> 01:15:58,981 - I'm fucking Oprah - I'm fucking Obama 924 01:15:59,186 --> 01:16:01,279 I'm fucking Indiana's ass 925 01:16:01,487 --> 01:16:05,446 She's fucking Indiana And I'm fucking Hancock 926 01:16:05,658 --> 01:16:09,219 He's fucking Hancock And I'm fucking Beowulf 927 01:16:09,429 --> 01:16:12,887 You know you like it And I'm fucking Kung Fu Panda 928 01:16:13,099 --> 01:16:15,590 And I'm fucking Michael Jackson 929 01:16:17,003 --> 01:16:20,029 Don't judge me I love my animals, you see 930 01:16:20,238 --> 01:16:21,967 Oh, yeah, he's fucking the Chipmunks 931 01:16:22,174 --> 01:16:25,735 Sad to say, but it's true He fucks the Chipmunks, yeah 932 01:18:51,951 --> 01:18:53,578 You just got Wolfed. 933 01:18:53,787 --> 01:18:56,688 That's a little move I learned in jail. 934 01:18:56,889 --> 01:18:58,288 Yeah, I was in jail. 935 01:18:58,491 --> 01:19:01,051 Wolf wrote some bad checks in '95. 936 01:19:01,260 --> 01:19:03,387 Left foot, yellow. 937 01:19:04,731 --> 01:19:06,096 Oh, that's right, I fall. 938 01:19:12,071 --> 01:19:15,097 Sorry about that. This is mine. Sorry. I'm sorry. 939 01:19:15,774 --> 01:19:20,074 Wait. Oh, this is my jam. 940 01:19:20,279 --> 01:19:22,839 Oh, okay. You get on it. 941 01:19:23,281 --> 01:19:24,543 I am Beowulf. 942 01:19:24,750 --> 01:19:28,345 I'm the strongest man in seven kingdoms. 943 01:19:30,121 --> 01:19:32,646 Let myself go a little bit. 944 01:19:32,857 --> 01:19:34,722 Got a little bit flabby. 945 01:19:34,926 --> 01:19:36,826 I went on that Zone Diet... 946 01:19:37,028 --> 01:19:41,795 ...but I would eat like a whole week's worth of meals in like two days... 947 01:19:41,999 --> 01:19:43,591 ...and then be back to square one. 948 01:19:43,801 --> 01:19:47,828 If you've got crack anywhere, I don't care where it comes from... 949 01:19:48,038 --> 01:19:51,496 If it's in your crack... If the crack's in your crack. 950 01:19:53,076 --> 01:19:56,341 "If the crack's in your crack." Oh, that's rich. 951 01:19:56,713 --> 01:19:58,738 You ever been with a bald doctor before? 952 01:19:58,949 --> 01:20:01,042 - No. - We give better... 953 01:20:03,085 --> 01:20:05,212 Do I look like Harrison Ford to you? 954 01:20:05,422 --> 01:20:07,617 - He your pimp? - Oh, good heavens, yes. 955 01:20:11,428 --> 01:20:13,794 Oh, what to do? Yes, I've got it. 956 01:20:13,997 --> 01:20:17,455 You can be my prince of light, and you can be my prince of darkness. 957 01:20:17,667 --> 01:20:19,498 - Yes. No? Okay. - No. 958 01:20:20,435 --> 01:20:22,562 Left foot, yellow. 959 01:20:24,006 --> 01:20:25,769 Look at this onion. 960 01:20:25,975 --> 01:20:29,968 Baby, how did you get into it with him. You should be with me. 961 01:20:30,178 --> 01:20:34,046 Also, when I make love to a girl, she's also been Wolfed. 962 01:20:34,250 --> 01:20:39,745 I don't hit her with a stick, I just have sex with her. 963 01:20:39,955 --> 01:20:42,082 Or him. Doesn't matter. 964 01:20:42,290 --> 01:20:44,485 Wolf goes both ways, you know what I'm saying? 965 01:20:44,693 --> 01:20:47,127 I got us tickets to Madonna's reunion show... 966 01:20:47,328 --> 01:20:49,523 ...and then I wanna kiss your sweet face. 967 01:20:49,731 --> 01:20:51,460 No! 968 01:20:52,666 --> 01:20:54,759 Take it from the top again. She says, "Hello." 969 01:20:54,970 --> 01:20:57,768 Don't hit her so hard. Just hit her really lightly. 970 01:20:57,972 --> 01:20:59,405 Okay? 971 01:21:00,107 --> 01:21:01,506 Good enough for me. 972 01:21:03,245 --> 01:21:04,974 It's all very funny. 973 01:21:05,780 --> 01:21:07,247 Cut. 974 01:21:07,915 --> 01:21:11,646 Oh, it's my Blake, incarcerated. Hi, Blakey. 975 01:21:11,852 --> 01:21:14,252 How are you? I love you. 976 01:21:14,455 --> 01:21:16,286 He did not kill those three prostitutes. 977 01:21:16,490 --> 01:21:20,483 They were already dead when he got to them. I'm swearing to God. 978 01:21:20,995 --> 01:21:24,021 Look, I have to tell you something. I'm not really a banker. 979 01:21:24,231 --> 01:21:25,858 As my voice cracks. 980 01:21:26,066 --> 01:21:31,129 Look, I have something to tell you. I'm not really a banker. I'm a jumper. 981 01:21:31,337 --> 01:21:34,704 I can teleport through space and time. 982 01:21:38,043 --> 01:21:40,409 - What is it again? Time and space. - Time and space. 983 01:21:40,814 --> 01:21:42,406 Look, I have something to tell you. 984 01:21:42,615 --> 01:21:44,810 I'm not really a banker. I'm a jumper. 985 01:21:45,018 --> 01:21:47,987 - A what? - I can teleport through time... 986 01:21:54,394 --> 01:21:55,725 You're a talking panda. 987 01:21:55,927 --> 01:21:59,454 Come back to my magical kingdom, and I'll show you my talking beaver. 988 01:21:59,965 --> 01:22:01,865 It just keeps coming. 989 01:22:02,067 --> 01:22:05,901 Knock, knock. Who's there? Milk in your mouth. 990 01:22:11,810 --> 01:22:18,648 Hey, is my singing stick on? It is on? Is the singing stick on? 991 01:22:21,352 --> 01:22:24,651 You know, everyone wants to know where I got my: 992 01:22:24,855 --> 01:22:27,915 It all started one night when I was crying in my truck. 993 01:22:28,125 --> 01:22:31,026 Yeah. I ain't crying no more, man. 994 01:22:31,228 --> 01:22:33,219 Fourteenth highest-rated show on TV. 995 01:22:33,431 --> 01:22:36,332 I got a time-share in Key West. 996 01:22:37,033 --> 01:22:41,299 Oh, baby, I make shoes 997 01:22:41,504 --> 01:22:45,372 And these are my boobs 998 01:22:45,575 --> 01:22:47,805 I want you to see me in my birthday suit. 999 01:22:48,011 --> 01:22:50,241 I want you to watch me take a bubble bath. 1000 01:22:50,448 --> 01:22:53,315 I'm gonna play around with the bubbles and make a little beard. 1001 01:22:53,516 --> 01:22:55,450 Pretend I'm Santa Claus. 1002 01:22:56,819 --> 01:22:59,515 Oh, son, I'm loving this. 1003 01:22:59,888 --> 01:23:03,324 Hang on a bit. You're a bit of stuff, aren't you? 1004 01:23:03,526 --> 01:23:06,586 Look at you. What are you packing under there? 1005 01:23:06,795 --> 01:23:08,319 What are you hiding under that? 1006 01:23:08,530 --> 01:23:11,397 I can see your sausage and biscuits. 1007 01:23:12,735 --> 01:23:14,259 I love sausage and biscuits. 1008 01:23:27,482 --> 01:23:29,279 Wonderful! 1009 01:23:30,352 --> 01:23:32,445 I'd like to get you naked and analyze you. 1010 01:23:32,653 --> 01:23:34,780 Oh, shit. 1011 01:23:34,989 --> 01:23:37,389 Do you like this shirt? I totally made it myself. 1012 01:23:37,591 --> 01:23:40,185 Well, it's because I ripped it. It's because I burned it. 1013 01:23:40,395 --> 01:23:42,090 I was leaning over my birthday candles. 1014 01:23:42,296 --> 01:23:44,025 I was gonna blow them out, make a wish. 1015 01:23:44,232 --> 01:23:45,859 Instead my shirt caught on fire. 1016 01:23:46,299 --> 01:23:49,996 Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 1017 01:23:50,338 --> 01:23:52,306 I'll take those odds. 1018 01:23:53,508 --> 01:23:55,442 Do you hear that train? 1019 01:23:57,811 --> 01:24:01,542 Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 1020 01:24:01,748 --> 01:24:03,409 I'll take those odds. 1021 01:24:03,618 --> 01:24:06,815 You hear that train again? You hear that again, that second time? 1022 01:24:07,220 --> 01:24:10,986 Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 1023 01:24:11,425 --> 01:24:12,483 I'll take those... 1024 01:24:12,692 --> 01:24:15,160 Train. I knew it was coming too. Yeah. 1025 01:24:15,361 --> 01:24:19,161 - Is that the train we should catch? - No, no. Take a... 1026 01:24:21,867 --> 01:24:22,856 Couple more? 1027 01:24:23,069 --> 01:24:25,936 You're hot. Are those things real? 1028 01:24:27,940 --> 01:24:32,138 Hey, everybody, be sure to remember to always use Proactiv. It helped me. 1029 01:24:32,344 --> 01:24:37,008 It helped my skin It helped my skin 1030 01:24:37,215 --> 01:24:42,881 It helped my skin It helped my skin, baby 1031 01:24:43,088 --> 01:24:46,455 It helped me. I used to have it all around this part of my face... 1032 01:24:46,658 --> 01:24:48,455 ...and all around my talking hole... 1033 01:24:48,660 --> 01:24:52,118 ...and then out of this squishy part right here. 1034 01:24:52,330 --> 01:24:54,821 I had it everywhere, and now it's gone. 1035 01:24:55,033 --> 01:25:00,164 There's a medical term for what you do to me: Horny.