1 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:44,444 Ha, ha, ha. Home sweet home. 2 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,414 Thanks, Cochise. 3 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:11,162 No, you fucking idiot! I've worked at a restaurant my whoIe Iife. 4 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,416 Shit! It gonna be that kind of a party, 5 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,816 I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes! 6 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:38,757 - Guess who. Hi, Dean. It's Mom. - Ah, shit. 7 00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:40,628 I know you're not gonna forget lunch with me, 8 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,828 but I thought I'd call just to make sure. 9 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,065 Oh, hey. 10 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:49,335 I forgot you were here. 11 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,037 Yeah, I know. I know. 12 00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:56,445 - What? - Nothing. 13 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,749 I'II see you at work, okay? 14 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,557 Hey, there, Natasha. How's my favorite minor doing today? 15 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,686 Hung over. I got so shitty Iast night. 16 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:20,164 On a schooI night? Kids today. 17 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:23,862 I must say, there's nothing more attractive than tainted youth. 18 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:27,740 Yes. I am indeed a pervert. 19 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,002 - Does that offend you? - Nope. 20 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,408 I think that most tainted youths end up being perverts. 21 00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,507 Good answer. 22 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,120 Oh, and Monty, just so you know, 23 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,916 I'm onIy a minor for another week. 24 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,888 I turn 18 on Wednesday. 25 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:48,222 WeII, then I guess I better hurry up then. I don't have much time. 26 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,093 - Hey, Dan. - Hey, Monty. 27 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:57,170 - How you doing? - Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day. 28 00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:00,330 I want you to show him around. Train him on everything whiIe it's sIow, 29 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,069 and when the dinner rush hits, we'II have him watch the training videos. 30 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,873 Mitch, just Iisten to what Monty says today, 31 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,777 and we'II have you out on the fIoor by earIy next week. 32 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,440 - Sound good? - Yeah. 33 00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:12,882 AII right then. Give him a quick tour before your shift starts. 34 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,544 Good stuff. 35 00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:20,848 WeII, Mitch, first thing. You ever worked in a restaurant before? 36 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:23,953 - ActuaIIy, yeah- - WeII, it doesn't reaIIy matter anyway. 37 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,964 Working in a restaurant's aII about Iearning a routine. 38 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:29,297 Everything that Dan wants me to show you, teach you, 39 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,801 aII that can be Iearned in a few hours. 40 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,929 But... 41 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,769 if you wanna work here, 42 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,439 in this restaurant, 43 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,446 I reaIIy think that you need to ask yourseIf 44 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:44,574 one simpIe question. 45 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:50,550 How do you feeI about frontaI maIe nudity? 46 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,664 - What the heck- - Pretty fucked up, huh? 47 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:09,037 You see, the reason that I ask is most of the guys that work here 48 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:13,078 Iike to pIay this IittIe game that invoIves fIashing their genitaIia to each other. 49 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,239 - Are you serious? - Yes, I'm serious. 50 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,179 Now, the exact object of the game 51 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:21,414 is to get the other participants to unknowingIy Iook at your testicIes and/or penis. 52 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:24,285 And if they do, you ridicuIe them merciIessIy for being a fag 53 00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,518 and get to kick them in the ass. 54 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,457 - But that's- - I know. I know. 55 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:32,896 It's demented, depraved, senseIess. 56 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,092 AII true. 57 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:38,729 Now there are ruIes to the game- different variations on how to show your dick 58 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,807 and/or baIIs which aIIow for more kicks. 59 00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,772 But we're gonna get into that Iater. 60 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,243 Right now, the first thing that you have to do 61 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:50,840 is Iook deep inside yourseIf and figure out if you can take an eyefuI of that. 62 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:59,321 So are you taking any interesting cIasses this semester? 63 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,950 WeII, yeah. I'm onIy taking the two cIasses, 64 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,688 but I Iike 'em both. 65 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,821 I reaIIy Iike my teachers. CooI guys. 66 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,762 Both have mustaches, which is a IittIe weird. 67 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,892 - WeII, that's just terrific. - Yeah. 68 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:12,665 - Guess who I ran into yesterday? - Who's that? 69 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:16,435 Nancy MiIIer and her son Chet. You remember Chet MiIIer, don't you? 70 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,512 Oh, yeah. I remember Chet. Yeah. 71 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:22,980 - I haven't seen that guy since high schooI. - WeII, he was away at coIIege. 72 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,051 Right. 73 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,643 Didn't you two have aII the same honors cIasses together? 74 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,053 Yeah, we sure did. 75 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,786 - Yeah, it sounds Iike he's doing reaIIy weII. - I'II bet. 76 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:39,025 Seems he just graduated with a bacheIor's degree in eIectricaI engineering. 77 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,499 Wow. His parents must reaIIy be proud, huh? 78 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,869 WeII, I'm gonna go. AIways Iove these get-togethers. 79 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,943 I think we reaIIy broke through there. 80 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:56,612 Let me teII you something. My trainer, that bastard, 81 00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:59,412 he didn't prewarn me at aII. 82 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,044 He set me up big time. 83 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:10,020 - Right around that corner. - Okay. 84 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,725 Look at the Iog, bitch. 85 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,204 There are few things in this worId more unsettIing 86 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,333 than going into the back to grab condiments, 87 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:28,005 and ending up staring at a huge, steaming piIe of cock. 88 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,826 Hey, Serena. 89 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,805 - Hey, babe. - What's up, Hangover? 90 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,307 I'm not hung over. 91 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:59,276 - Oh, you and Monty were crazy Iast night. - Yeah, it was cooI. 92 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,074 How about you? You have a good time? 93 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:05,174 I wouId've had a better time if somebody hadn't been ignoring me aII night. 94 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,445 Was that me? 95 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,919 Think Monty and I got a IittIe carried away. 96 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:12,048 - Oh, I swear, when you two are together. - You're perverts! AII of you. 97 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:16,026 If you guys can go five minutes without referencing your genitaIs, I'II be amazed. 98 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,461 I know what you're thinking now. 99 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,658 You think we're aII gay, don't you? 100 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,497 Think we're aII just a bunch of deviant IifestyIe-Iiving, 101 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:26,037 same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right? 102 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,766 Yeah. 103 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:31,173 WeII, Iisten. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. 104 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,711 None of the guys that work here are gay. 105 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:38,045 I mean, I'II stick my finger in my ass every now and again when I'm feeIing squirreIIy, 106 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,210 but that's about the extent of it. 107 00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,948 It's absoIuteIy true. I've seen him do it. 108 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,820 See what I mean? Perverts. 109 00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:47,984 Hey, I've seen you use more than a finger. 110 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,721 - Oh! - Bye, babe. 111 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,860 - What's up, buddy? - Nothin', man. What's going on? 112 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,829 What? What? 113 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,136 - What's wrong? - I'II teII you Iater. 114 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,313 Listen, man. You got nothing to worry about. It's just a game. 115 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:11,009 - ExactIy. - And besides, you know, 116 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,847 if heterosexuaI men can't show their cocks to each other, 117 00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:16,547 - then what the heII are we doing here? - Amen, brother. 118 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,518 You're adorabIe. 119 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,724 Hey, Bishop. This is Mitch. 120 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,358 He's the new guy. 121 00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,980 I want you to do a coupIe things for me. 122 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:51,980 First, I want you to observe very cIoseIy your surroundings today. 123 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,617 Take everything in. 124 00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,855 Leave no mentaI stone unturned. 125 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,932 Can you do that for me, Mitch? 126 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,035 Good. 127 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,866 Then I want you think about 128 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:09,635 what your Iife wouId be Iike if you had been born bIind. 129 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,341 Thanks, Bishop. 130 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,076 Go. Go, go, go, go, go. 131 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,748 As you can see, this is a wait station. 132 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,086 This is where you're gonna get the ice, the soft drinks, the condiments, 133 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,056 the doggie bags, et cetera and so forth. 134 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,095 That's the computer where you're gonna put the food and drink orders in. 135 00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,426 I hate this fucking pIace sometimes, you know. 136 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,695 Why the fuck do we need four more peopIe on at this time of day, man? 137 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,599 Look at this pIace! It's fucking dead. 138 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:41,834 I swear, Dan needs to cIean the shit out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. 139 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:46,435 Fucking asshoIe. What are you Iooking at, fuckwad? 140 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:50,846 That's Naomi. And she's been working here way too Iong. 141 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:54,408 But she's actuaIIy a pretty sweet girI when she's drunk. Let's go. 142 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:57,684 Come on, baby. It's nothin' Iike that. 143 00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,725 It's true. You just treat me Iike a piece of meat. 144 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:04,524 Not just any piece of meat, baby. A prime rib. 145 00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:08,624 - ReaIIy? - Uh-huh. Baby, you're oozin' with sexuaIity. 146 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,965 Yeah, but why does it aIways have to be about my Iooks? 147 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,630 Just 'cause I dress sIutty doesn't mean I am sIutty. 148 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:18,040 Okay. This is for deIiveries. There's the Dumpster for the trash. 149 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:21,011 AIso, if you wanna get out of the restaurant and chiII out, here you go. 150 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:25,015 And these two fun-Ioving pieces of wannabe gangster shit are Nick and Theodore. 151 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,383 How many fucking times I toId you, man? It's the fucking T-dog, yo. 152 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,319 - Sorry, G. - Hey, yo, bitch. 153 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,652 What makes you think I won't cut you? 154 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,955 Aw. Come on, now, dog. 155 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:38,189 You know I'm just fucking with you. 156 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:42,257 You know I give you the mad, phat, superfIy, stupid-dope, 157 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,802 dumb-ass, retarded, bomb-shit props. 158 00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,168 Yo, it's aImost 4:20, dog. Let's go. 159 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:54,669 Those guys shouId be steriIized. And I'm not kidding at aII. 160 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:56,874 You don't taIk much, do you, Mitch? 161 00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,543 - ActuaIIy, you haven't reaIIy given- - That's okay. 162 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:02,348 'Cause I didn't taIk much when I first started working here either. 163 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,650 You just gotta get used to your surroundings. 164 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:07,089 - What's up, Poncho? - Hey, Raddimus. How you doin'? 165 00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:10,754 ActuaIIy, more importantIy, how are you and DanieIIe doing? 166 00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:13,798 I saw that you guys were arguing, and- 167 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,165 Shit, you know, it wouId be a shame if you guys broke up. 168 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,534 You two are reaIIy good together. 169 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:25,007 Fuck off, okay. Even if we did break up, you stand no chance in heII, man. 170 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:29,445 She got this thing about dating grown men who've had sex with 16-year-oId girIs. 171 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,517 See, that's the probIem with women, okay? 172 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,553 They're aIways trying to project their own vaIues on you. 173 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,952 Whatever. Anyway, this is Mitch. 174 00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,115 He just started today, so I thought I'd give you the pIeasure 175 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,524 of expIaining the finer points of the game to him. 176 00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:45,598 Oh, virgin bIood. FoIIow me. 177 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,097 Come here. I wanna taIk to you. 178 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,464 Thanks, Raddimus. Be gentIe. 179 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,333 - There you go, Dean. - Aw, thanks, TyIa. You rock. 180 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,668 Yeah, TyIa, you're the cooIest girI in the whoIe schooI. 181 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,435 Hey, man. 182 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,807 TyIa, every time I Iook at you, I wish I was a Iesbian. 183 00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:03,279 Oh, what a coincidence. Every time I Iook at you, 184 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,943 - I'm gIad I'm a Iesbian. - Ouch. 185 00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:10,716 Oh, hey, Christy. It's just CaIvin caIIin'. 186 00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:12,791 Just starting to work the doubIe. 187 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,792 You owe me. 188 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:17,954 No, I was kiddin'. You don't reaIIy owe me anything. 189 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,659 So, I was just caIIin' ya, 'cause it's kind of dead here right now. 190 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,498 So, I don't know. 191 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,471 Give me a caII back. I'm at work. 192 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,305 Duh. Duh. 193 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:34,141 Come on. TaIk to me, Goose. What's wrong? 194 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,340 Remember Chet MiIIer from high schooI? 195 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,577 - TaII guy, kind of smeIIed Iike my dad's ass? - That's the one. 196 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:43,486 My mother toId me he graduated with his bacheIor's degree in eIectricaI engineering. 197 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,523 Yeah, so? 198 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,822 WeII, you know, we were in aII the same cIasses in high schooI. 199 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,828 We're the same fucking age. 200 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:52,761 WeII, yeah. But eIectricaI engineering? 201 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,390 - Come on. Screw that noise. - Yeah, but come on, man. 202 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,493 We haven't even graduated from community coIIege. 203 00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,435 Haven't even got our A.A. degree. 204 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,737 Then when we do, what? What the heII can you do with an A.A. degree anyway? 205 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,778 You can get a job substitute teaching for retarded kids or something. 206 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,107 ExactIy. 207 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:12,344 That's the dish area back there. This is where you pick up the food. 208 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,114 That's FIoyd. FIoyd! 209 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,212 WeIcome to Thunderdome, bitch. 210 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:20,622 Okay, that's the dry area, man. That's where we keep aII the condiments. 211 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,321 Right over here. This is the cooIer. 212 00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,455 The miIk and vegetabIes, whatever. 213 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:29,729 Back here is the freezer. You'II find the meat- 214 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:32,270 Okay, so Iet me teII you about this IittIe game we pIay. 215 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,967 I assume Monty went over the basic idea with you, right? 216 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,940 - Yeah, he- - You know the object, right? 217 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,478 To have the other guy Iook at you naked. 218 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,547 Are you okay with that? 219 00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,186 What are you, some kind of a fucking sick, demented pervert, huh? 220 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:51,745 - No. I was- He toId me. - Come on, bro. I'm just fucking with you. 221 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,382 Look, man, we're aII sick. AII right? 222 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:57,054 Now, Iook. The main thing to remember 223 00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:01,065 is to get the other guy to unknowingIy Iook at your cock and baIIs. 224 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:04,432 Okay, don't just fucking puII down your pants and say, ''Look at my dick!'' 225 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,528 You gotta be sneaky. 226 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:10,006 I'm gonna go through the positions with you. The first one's the easiest. 227 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,805 CaII that one ''The Look.'' AII right? 228 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,346 AII you gotta do, puII down your pants reaI quick, show 'em the goods. 229 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:19,248 If they Iook, you get to kick 'em in the ass once. 230 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:24,016 Second one is caIIed ''The Brain.'' Right? 231 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:28,321 What you gotta do is isoIate your nuts with your fist. 232 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,056 Okay, now, take the time to Iook at it, okay? 233 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,691 Because it bears a striking resembIance to- 234 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,393 Aha. Brain. Yeah. 235 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,399 Okay. For that you get two kicks. 236 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:46,706 - So- - The third one, I caII it the ''Bat Wing.'' 237 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:51,250 Okay. What you do is you take the excess skin from your nuts, 238 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:55,753 and you take it and you make it fIat Iike paper, aII right? 239 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,619 Now, once again, you take the time to appreciate this. 240 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:02,592 You see that it Iooks aII veiny and aIive Iike a bat wing, aII right? 241 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:07,598 If they Iook, they get three kicks, aII right? 242 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,031 But you can't forget this, aII right? 243 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,433 You gotta caII 'em a fag, okay? 244 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,438 Very important. The game Ioses it's meaning 245 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,633 if you don't humiIiate them for being a fucking meatcake. 246 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:17,970 You got that? 247 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,840 I just don't understand 248 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,244 why your mom gives you so much shit anyway. 249 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:23,576 I don't know, man. You know. 250 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,844 She's my mom. She wants me to succeed in Iife. 251 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,045 Yeah. Whatever the heII that means. 252 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,679 Jesus, I'm just gIad my mom's not Iike that. 253 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,385 So I caIIed your house today at 2:00. 254 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,859 You were stiII asIeep, weren't you? 255 00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,862 That's an understatement. 256 00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:40,694 So what did you do Iast night? I trust my IittIe angeI 257 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,529 didn't do anything immoraI. 258 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:45,297 WeII, Iet's see. 259 00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:49,465 I started by getting compIeteIy hammered drunk. It was bad. 260 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:53,636 Then drove whiIe intoxicated to pick up this disease-infested prostitute. 261 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,943 Uh-huh. 262 00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,712 From there, Iet's see. Me and the hooker went back to my pIace- 263 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,515 The hooker and I. 264 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:06,683 Excuse me. The hooker and I went back to my pIace. 265 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,726 And from there- 266 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:12,855 God, it was just a bIur of intravenous drug abuse and unprotected sex 267 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,490 whiIe taking the Lord's name in vain. 268 00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:21,363 Dean, did you know that when Monty was a chiId, everyone thought he was retarded? 269 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,237 Dean, doesn't my mom Iook oId? 270 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,811 I mean, Iike, much oIder than she rightfuIIy shouId? 271 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:31,850 So why aren't you and Serena stiII together? I Iiked her. 272 00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,919 I don't know. I guess it got oId. 273 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,011 We had a reIationship based on orgasms. 274 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,022 Oh, how charming. 275 00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,524 You are being safe, aren't you? 276 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,823 I don't think I couId handIe the idea of you reproducing. 277 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:47,832 Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. 278 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,765 I puII out. 279 00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,700 Yes, weII, your father puIIed out too, 280 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,364 but we've aII seen the tragic end of that story. 281 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:57,203 You think I wanna have kids? AbsoIuteIy not. 282 00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:00,040 That's why I stick to anaI sex. 283 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,615 If onIy I had been so Iucky. 284 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,347 Okay, so that's the Abraham LincoIn. 285 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,718 But remember, you have to shave it so it Iooks Iike his beard. 286 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,654 Otherwise, it don't count. 287 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,922 Now the Iast one. The Iast one is caIIed ''The Goat.'' 288 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:20,260 Okay, it's a bit trickier. But if you can puII it off, 289 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:23,233 you are a god among men, aII right? 290 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:27,432 What you do is you take your nuts and your dick, right? 291 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,474 And you tuck it underneath. 292 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:33,477 PuII your pants down, show it, aII right? 293 00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:35,444 With it sticking out the backside. You got that? 294 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:40,008 Okay, weII, that just about covers aII the different variations that we have. 295 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,110 But you know, we're aIways Iooking for new positions. 296 00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:45,247 So next time you got a IittIe down time, you find yourseIf a IittIe bored, 297 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,791 pIay with your nuts, you know what I'm saying? 298 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,383 See what you come up with, okay? It's aII good. 299 00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:53,295 AII right. I reaIIy onIy have one thing I wanna taIk about today, 300 00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:57,096 and that's teamwork. 301 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,864 When the dinner rush hits and things start to get hectic, 302 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,997 you aII have a tendency to start yeIIing and screaming at one another. 303 00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:07,478 That's just dumb and senseIess, 'cause you're onIy gonna be hurting yourseIves. 304 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:12,574 Let's think about it. If you upset the hostess, she's not gonna seat you. 305 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:17,019 If you upset the busboys, they're not gonna care if your tabIe's ready. 306 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,650 If you upset the cooks, they're not gonna care if your food's taking too Iong. 307 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,955 - The brain! - Ah, shit! 308 00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,257 Oh, the brain! 309 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:28,629 I think you're aII great waiters and waitresses. 310 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:32,500 And you shouId be abIe to reIy on one another when you're in the weeds. 311 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:38,407 Remember, gang. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary 312 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,445 is that IittIe extra. 313 00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:43,379 AII right. That's aII I have for you today. 314 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,144 Let's have a great shift. 315 00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:48,982 Oh, uh, push the fish. It's about to turn. 316 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:51,283 That's it. 317 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,318 - Dean, can I have a word with you? - Sure. 318 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,467 - Have a seat, Dean. - Thanks, Dan. 319 00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:11,243 - How Iong you been a waiter? - Since I was 18, 320 00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,402 so about four years. 321 00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:16,913 Wow. You don't wanna be a waiter forever, do you? 322 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,574 What do you mean? 323 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:22,780 Carson got promoted to GM over at Riverside, 324 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,550 so we need a new assistant manager. 325 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:27,649 I'd Iike to offer the job to you. 326 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,558 - Are you serious? - Heck, yeah, I'm serious. 327 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,427 Now I'm not gonna Iie to you. The job comes with more responsibiIity, 328 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,432 but it offers a Iot more rewards. 329 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,025 You get fuII medicaI, dentaI, two-weeks' paid vacation, 330 00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,901 and I might add, a hefty pay increase. 331 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,566 - I do pretty weII. - CooI. 332 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,507 It is cooI. 333 00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:50,776 And, Iet's not forget the power. 334 00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,875 - Right. - ControI. 335 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:58,047 You teII peopIe to do things, and they have to do it, 336 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:00,182 or they get in troubIe. 337 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:04,626 I mean, you're in the driver's seat here. Your finger's on the button. 338 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,392 - Think about it. - Okay. 339 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,469 WeII. 340 00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:15,029 - Are you okay? If you're not interested- - No, no, no. 341 00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,905 It's not that I'm not interested, I just- 342 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:21,207 Sorry, Dan, just a Iot of things- Can I take a IittIe whiIe to think about it? 343 00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:22,974 Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. 344 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,142 Take your time. Yeah, don't rush, you know. 345 00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:28,277 TaIk about it next week or something Iike that. 346 00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:30,412 - CooI. Thanks, Dan. - Let me ask you something. 347 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:33,549 - What's that? - Why don't we hang out? 348 00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:37,425 - Oh. Like- - Why don't we hang out more often? 349 00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:39,088 - We do at work. - You and me. 350 00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:42,133 I was thinking to myseIf Iast night, Iaying in bed, going, 351 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:45,897 ''Why don't Dean and I hang out? We're practicaIIy the same guy.'' 352 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:52,039 I-I-I sort of have a core group of friends. You have your own friends and- 353 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,476 You know what? You'd think I do. I don't. 354 00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:57,105 - Has anyone seen Dean? - Oh, he's in the back taIking to Dan. 355 00:21:57,216 --> 00:21:59,377 Yeah, you wanna know what they're taIking about? 356 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,817 Dan wants to make Dean assistant fuckin' manager. 357 00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:04,788 - WeII, did he take the job? - I don't know. I couIdn't- 358 00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:07,154 He better fuckin' not have. 359 00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:08,692 Okay, whoa, whoa. HoId on. 360 00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:10,819 I gotta warn you. Take my car, what do you think's gonna happen? 361 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:13,330 - Yeah, I don't reaIIy think- - Score. 362 00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:15,161 Okay. 363 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:17,326 God. 364 00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:19,495 Hey, so what was that about? 365 00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:22,472 Nothing important. Just buIIshit. 366 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,044 What? 367 00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:30,707 Hey, there, foIks. My name's Dean. I'II be your waiter today. 368 00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:33,114 Can get you something to drink whiIe you're Iooking at the menus? 369 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:38,054 Hi, there, guys. My name is Serena, and I'II be taking care of you today. 370 00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:41,786 Hey, there, Iadies. Hi, my name is Amy, and I'II be your waitress today. 371 00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:44,863 Is there anything I can get you to drink whiIe you're Iooking at the menus? 372 00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:48,957 Yeah, I want a singIe shot of whiskey and a doubIe-shot of whiskey, 373 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:52,094 and she'II have a water. 374 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,672 You know, what the heII? It's our anniversary. 375 00:22:54,773 --> 00:22:56,365 Why don't you bring her a Pepsi? 376 00:22:56,475 --> 00:22:58,340 You'II be taking care of us? 377 00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,378 I Iike the sound of that. 378 00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,378 I Iike that. 379 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,177 Okay, I don't mean to be a bitch, 380 00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:08,742 but the Iast four times we've come here, the food was awfuI. 381 00:23:08,854 --> 00:23:14,019 WeII, I apoIogize for the food the Iast few times, 382 00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:16,993 and we wiII certainIy do our best to make sure that doesn't happen again. 383 00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:19,030 Yeah, that's what the Iast waitress said. 384 00:23:20,766 --> 00:23:25,032 - Can I get an extra side of bIue cheese? - Sir, yes, sir. 385 00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,867 Right. BIue cheese for you, stat. 386 00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:35,345 - Have a good day, big guy. - Thanks. 387 00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:39,611 Assistant Manager Jackoff. 388 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:43,051 Come on, you worthIess dick. 389 00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:45,248 Just pee. 390 00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,619 Fuck. 391 00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:50,088 I'II try the other hand maybe. 392 00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:55,097 Goddamn it. 393 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,430 I can't beIieve you wouId do that to me. 394 00:23:57,536 --> 00:24:01,404 No, that's it. Do not- Do not caII me back. 395 00:24:01,507 --> 00:24:04,442 Hey. Are you okay? 396 00:24:05,744 --> 00:24:08,440 I'm about this cIose to swearing off men aItogether. 397 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:12,039 Let me get you another drink. 398 00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:14,242 AII right, see what Serena's doing right there? 399 00:24:14,353 --> 00:24:17,584 - She's baiting those poor saps. - I Iove Patrick Swayze. 400 00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:19,658 - Yeah? - Yeah, you kind of remind me of him. 401 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:21,783 I guarantee you they're gonna Ieave her a fat tip. 402 00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:25,795 Women, they're so fuckin' wiIy. 403 00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:29,600 Oh, but poor, Amy. She's a different story. 404 00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:31,636 She was D.O.A. from the very beginning. 405 00:24:31,737 --> 00:24:36,003 And by extra Iemon we mean enough for our waters and then some more. 406 00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:38,099 Look at the scowI on that woman's face. 407 00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,643 - It's aII my fauIt. - That wouId be IoveIy. 408 00:24:39,745 --> 00:24:41,144 - Thank you. - Thank you so much. 409 00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:42,235 - Don't worry. - You are too kind. 410 00:24:42,348 --> 00:24:44,782 She'II be Iucky to get ten percent. 411 00:24:44,883 --> 00:24:46,817 I'm surprised you didn't give those guys a Iap dance. 412 00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:49,854 Oh, what's that, jeaIousy? 413 00:24:49,955 --> 00:24:53,721 - Women troubIes, Amy? - I just don't understand 414 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:58,058 what wouId compeI a person to be such a bitch to a totaI stranger. 415 00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:02,532 - Maybe she was abused as a chiId. - Oh, God. I fucking hope so. 416 00:25:03,569 --> 00:25:05,400 Oh, man. You Iook reaIIy pissed. 417 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,438 - You reaIIy are an asshoIe. - Shenaniganz. 418 00:25:07,539 --> 00:25:11,100 - Fuck you. - He has a shy bIadder. 419 00:25:11,210 --> 00:25:13,906 - So is there- - Mitch, go in the back, check out the cooks. 420 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:16,675 I'II be there in a few minutes, okay? 421 00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:21,648 So, what do you think of Natasha? 422 00:25:21,754 --> 00:25:25,451 - I think she's iIIegaI. - Yeah. I've made peace with that. 423 00:25:25,557 --> 00:25:28,958 SeriousIy, Iook at her. You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue. 424 00:25:29,061 --> 00:25:30,790 Statutory rape. 425 00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:32,761 On the other hand, maybe she is too young. 426 00:25:32,865 --> 00:25:34,696 Like that's ever stopped you before. 427 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,394 That is a very, very good point. 428 00:25:37,503 --> 00:25:41,837 And I'm convinced Natasha wiII be mine. Thanks for the advice, buddy. 429 00:25:41,940 --> 00:25:44,170 - Hey, anytime. - Yeah. 430 00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:46,904 - What's going on with you and Amy? - What's up, Obsession? 431 00:25:47,012 --> 00:25:50,675 - Shut up. - So how Iong have you two been- 432 00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:53,684 - Three months. Shit or get off the pot time. - Yep. 433 00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:57,722 - Has even hinted that he's aware of it? - No, he's acting obIivious. 434 00:25:57,823 --> 00:26:01,020 Are you gonna taIk to her or hope you're never forced to make an actuaI decision? 435 00:26:01,126 --> 00:26:03,720 - I'm going with option ''B''. - That's my boy. 436 00:26:03,829 --> 00:26:06,992 - Have you taIked to him about it? - No. I'm pIaying hard to get. 437 00:26:07,099 --> 00:26:10,330 Oh, but haven't you sIept with him the past five nights? 438 00:26:10,436 --> 00:26:12,336 WeII, not reaI hard to get. 439 00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:15,566 She reaIIy is a IittIe badass though. And fun to hang out with. Laid back. 440 00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:17,505 Maintenance fees are reaIIy Iow. I Iike that. 441 00:26:17,609 --> 00:26:22,273 Yeah, she's a cooI chick. I'd do her. HeII, I'd probabIy even pay. 442 00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:25,376 I wouId. 443 00:26:25,484 --> 00:26:28,544 I don't know, man. I'm not even thinking about Amy right now. 444 00:26:28,654 --> 00:26:31,122 - Who are you thinking about? - Chet MiIIer. 445 00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,282 Come on, man! You're wracked with regret 446 00:26:33,392 --> 00:26:36,691 just because some oId fuck-boy cIassmate graduated coIIege? 447 00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:41,865 Are you gonna take the assistant manager job? 448 00:26:41,967 --> 00:26:43,457 Wait. How the heII do you know about that? 449 00:26:43,569 --> 00:26:45,901 Are you fucking kidding me? You know this pIace. 450 00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:47,938 PeopIe with the day off aIready know. 451 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,602 HaIf of me is Iike take the job. I couId reaIIy use the money. It's a smart move. 452 00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:56,203 But the other haIfs Iike, ''Am I fucking nuts?'' 453 00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:59,375 Do I reaIIy wanna end up Iike Dan? 454 00:27:00,886 --> 00:27:03,719 Busted. 455 00:27:07,326 --> 00:27:11,285 Hey, Rocco? It's Dan down at Shenaniganz. 456 00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:13,387 Got another one for ya. 457 00:27:13,499 --> 00:27:16,024 AII right. 458 00:27:16,135 --> 00:27:17,727 Not on my watch. 459 00:27:17,836 --> 00:27:21,169 And there you go, foIks. 460 00:27:21,273 --> 00:27:23,571 Damn, boy. What the heII took so Iong? 461 00:27:23,675 --> 00:27:26,667 WeII, you had the two weII-done steaks, 462 00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,609 so it usuaIIy takes a IittIe whiIe to cook. 463 00:27:28,714 --> 00:27:31,012 Yeah, weII, couId you get me some more ketchup? 464 00:27:31,116 --> 00:27:34,051 Sure. No probIem. 465 00:27:36,088 --> 00:27:39,353 Nothin' sets off the fIavor of a steak Iike some ketchup. 466 00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:43,258 And his mouth tasted just Iike buttermiIk. 467 00:27:43,362 --> 00:27:45,887 Hey, Monty? CouId you drop off my food, pIease? 468 00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:48,330 I can't deaI with that bitch anymore. 469 00:27:50,435 --> 00:27:52,630 No probIem. 470 00:27:52,738 --> 00:27:54,467 It's go time, Mitch. 471 00:27:56,508 --> 00:28:00,774 Hey, there, Iadies. Amy's busy so I thought I'd bring your food out. 472 00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,972 But I stiII have some saIad Ieft. 473 00:28:03,148 --> 00:28:06,447 Oh, weII, wouId you Iike me to take the food back and bring it out in a few minutes? 474 00:28:06,552 --> 00:28:08,918 Yeah, and Iet it dry out under the heat Iamps? 475 00:28:09,021 --> 00:28:10,488 Just give me the food. 476 00:28:10,589 --> 00:28:13,217 Okay. There you go. 477 00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:18,957 Wait. Did that waitress Iisten to a word I said? 478 00:28:19,064 --> 00:28:20,964 This steak is medium rare. 479 00:28:21,066 --> 00:28:26,060 I asked for it medium. And I wanted extra gravy on my mashed potatoes. 480 00:28:26,171 --> 00:28:30,073 Let me ask you something. How hard is your job? 481 00:28:30,175 --> 00:28:34,373 How inteIIigent do you have to be to take a food order? 482 00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:35,707 - Jesus! - Ma'am. 483 00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:40,217 Ma'am, you're absoIuteIy right, and I apoIogize. 484 00:28:42,254 --> 00:28:44,484 I'm gonna get this fixed for you right away. 485 00:28:44,590 --> 00:28:47,525 Good. Now I can finish my saIad. 486 00:28:47,626 --> 00:28:49,355 Okay. 487 00:28:56,268 --> 00:29:01,331 GentIemen, we have our first officiaI bee-atch of the day. 488 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,773 Oh, come on, guys. She wasn't that bad, was she? 489 00:29:04,876 --> 00:29:08,243 WeII, Amy, it's your tabIe. You decide. 490 00:29:13,318 --> 00:29:15,445 She was a fucking bitch! Do it. 491 00:29:17,289 --> 00:29:19,223 Yo, we need to get some fucking hydroponics 492 00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:21,224 so we can grow our own shit, yo. 493 00:29:21,326 --> 00:29:25,194 HeIIs, yes. Soon as we get the hydro, we can run this city Iike the fuckin' mob. 494 00:29:25,297 --> 00:29:28,789 I swear, we gotta grow it, smoke it, seII it. We'd be a fucking pimp. 495 00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:30,891 Yo, and you know the bitches be Iovin' that shit. 496 00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:33,767 We'II get more fuckin' puss than Busta, more than Dre, 497 00:29:33,872 --> 00:29:35,931 more than fuckin' Snoop Dogg. 498 00:29:36,041 --> 00:29:37,770 So it's on then? We're getting the fucking hydro. 499 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:40,436 We're gonna run this city Iike the motherfucking mob. 500 00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:43,708 The first thing we do is add a IittIe extra gravy to the mashed potato. 501 00:29:49,721 --> 00:29:53,782 Ah, that's it. Good job, buddy. Nice one. 502 00:29:53,892 --> 00:29:57,384 FoIIowed by a thin spread of cheese for your garIic bread. 503 00:29:57,496 --> 00:30:00,397 - Some ''fromunda'' cheese. - Yeah, make us proud. 504 00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:04,629 Fresh from the taint. We Iike this. Good. 505 00:30:04,736 --> 00:30:08,570 - Up next, what we're gonna do- - How about a IittIe guacamoIe for the steak? 506 00:30:08,674 --> 00:30:12,474 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? 507 00:30:12,577 --> 00:30:16,104 Come on, man. You can't be mixing Mexican and ContinentaI. 508 00:30:16,214 --> 00:30:19,206 Come on, man. I thought you was better than that. 509 00:30:20,385 --> 00:30:23,684 AII right. How about a IittIe garIic saIt? 510 00:30:26,758 --> 00:30:29,625 That's what I'm taIking about. Finesse, baby! 511 00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:31,855 These guys have a deep commitment to their job. 512 00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:36,900 FinaIIy, a garnish of aIfaIfa sprouts. 513 00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:38,492 Adds a touch of cIa- 514 00:30:41,873 --> 00:30:46,435 Touch of cIass to any meaI. 515 00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:49,705 There we go. 516 00:30:49,815 --> 00:30:51,680 Oh, God. 517 00:30:51,783 --> 00:30:53,751 Good stuff. 518 00:31:02,327 --> 00:31:05,160 I'II puII out my motherfuckin' shotty. 519 00:31:05,263 --> 00:31:06,355 PuII up Iike John Gotti. 520 00:31:06,465 --> 00:31:10,128 I'II have the motherfucker on the carpet. I fucked that bitch! 521 00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:11,964 HeII, yeah, motherfucker. We be down- 522 00:31:12,070 --> 00:31:15,506 Okay, NichoIas, Theodore. Boys. 523 00:31:15,607 --> 00:31:17,575 It doesn't take ten minutes to take out the trash. 524 00:31:17,676 --> 00:31:20,611 Now, if you don't get your asses out front and start doing some work, 525 00:31:20,712 --> 00:31:24,011 I'm gonna fire you faster than you can say, ''Yo, MTV Raps.'' 526 00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:25,140 - Yes, sir. - I'm sorry? 527 00:31:25,250 --> 00:31:27,150 - Yes, sir. - Yes, sir. 528 00:31:32,691 --> 00:31:34,591 Hey, Rocco. 529 00:31:34,693 --> 00:31:37,218 Yeah, right there. 530 00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:43,668 Here you go, ma'am. 531 00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:48,070 I had the chefs take extra speciaI care of it for you. 532 00:31:48,173 --> 00:31:50,232 I'm truIy sorry for the inconvenience. 533 00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:05,712 You know, we shouId probabIy feeI guiIty, but she broke the cardinaI ruIe: 534 00:32:05,824 --> 00:32:09,692 Don't fuck with peopIe that handIe your food. 535 00:32:09,795 --> 00:32:12,389 AII right. How you guys doin'? Everything prepared okay? 536 00:32:12,497 --> 00:32:15,193 CouId be better. It'II do. 537 00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:18,531 I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it better? 538 00:32:18,637 --> 00:32:21,231 Yeah, get me an extra roII. 539 00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:22,738 And bring me the check. 540 00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:24,433 Sure. 541 00:32:24,543 --> 00:32:26,568 No probIem. 542 00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:28,976 And I'm gonna sing that bitch a fucking 187. 543 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,207 AII right then, CaIvin. 544 00:32:31,316 --> 00:32:33,784 Just reIax and start at the beginning. 545 00:32:33,885 --> 00:32:35,216 Okay. 546 00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:42,586 About three months ago I just finished my shift, and I reaIIy had to take a piss. 547 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:47,097 So, I go into the bathroom. 548 00:32:47,199 --> 00:32:50,930 And I'm at the urinal, just waiting for the flow, 549 00:32:51,036 --> 00:32:52,936 minding my own business. 550 00:32:53,038 --> 00:32:56,997 When I notice out of my peripheral vision 551 00:32:57,108 --> 00:33:02,068 the guy standing next to me was looking straight at my dick. 552 00:33:02,180 --> 00:33:04,978 He's just staring at it like they're old pals. 553 00:33:05,083 --> 00:33:07,347 I could practically hear what he was thinking. 554 00:33:07,452 --> 00:33:11,445 ''Whoa. That's a nice dick. '' 555 00:33:12,624 --> 00:33:14,182 And that's it. 556 00:33:14,292 --> 00:33:17,125 Since that time, I haven't been abIe to use a pubIic bathroom. 557 00:33:17,229 --> 00:33:18,696 Goodness. 558 00:33:18,797 --> 00:33:20,924 And the next time I tried to take a Ieak, I couId've sworn 559 00:33:21,032 --> 00:33:24,001 the guy standing next to me was staring at me, and I freaked. 560 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:29,838 Quit staring at my dick! 561 00:33:29,941 --> 00:33:33,138 In retrospect, I think I might've been mistaken. 562 00:33:33,245 --> 00:33:35,406 What about the staII? 563 00:33:35,514 --> 00:33:37,379 No, it didn't work either. 564 00:33:37,482 --> 00:33:42,886 Every time I go to take a piss, I get the image of that guy's eyes on my shank. 565 00:33:42,988 --> 00:33:46,424 And then that's when I start hearing the voices. 566 00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:47,958 Voices? 567 00:33:48,059 --> 00:33:51,153 I get this paranoid feeIing there are peopIe outside the staII, 568 00:33:51,263 --> 00:33:54,357 and they know I'm having a difficult time taking a piss. 569 00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:58,459 I can hear them saying, ''What's taking him so long? 570 00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:01,198 Why can't he just piss Iike a normaI person? 571 00:34:01,306 --> 00:34:03,774 I don't hear any peel'' 572 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:06,002 I'm reaIIy fucked up. 573 00:34:06,978 --> 00:34:09,742 Psychosomatic auditory haIIucinations. 574 00:34:11,516 --> 00:34:13,507 Most peopIe have to pay for such a thing. 575 00:34:13,618 --> 00:34:15,051 So what the heII shouId I do? 576 00:34:15,153 --> 00:34:16,552 WeII, first, 577 00:34:17,556 --> 00:34:20,548 you need to think about how this probIem affects other parts of your personaIity. 578 00:34:20,659 --> 00:34:22,524 - Oh. - See, I recommend- 579 00:34:30,035 --> 00:34:31,502 Oh, bro, that ain't right, man. 580 00:34:31,603 --> 00:34:36,404 - Take a Iook at the bat wing, bitch! - Oh, it's so veiny. 581 00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:43,310 Damn, Raddimus. Does DanieIIe know that you Iike to go both ways? How does that work? 582 00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:46,573 Sweet victory. 583 00:34:48,887 --> 00:34:51,515 Good job, asshoIe. 584 00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:56,856 I'm sorry. Go ahead. 585 00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:04,126 HeIIo, sir. My name is Monty. This is my trainee, Mitch. 586 00:35:04,235 --> 00:35:08,433 - How are you doing today? - Oh, I'm sIipping graduaIIy into seniIity. 587 00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:12,738 ReaIIy? Do you consider that a good thing or a bad thing? 588 00:35:12,844 --> 00:35:14,675 WeII, it's a mixed bag. 589 00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:20,012 It's good in the sense that I can take waIks in my underwear. 590 00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:22,848 I can give smaII chiIdren the middIe finger. 591 00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:26,685 But as Iong as I Iook happy whiIe I'm doing it, 592 00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:29,453 peopIe just assume I'm seniIe. 593 00:35:29,561 --> 00:35:31,426 Yeah, so what's the bad? 594 00:35:31,529 --> 00:35:35,295 WeII, sometimes I give smaII chiIdren the middIe finger 595 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:39,598 and don't reaIize I'm doing it untiI someone sIaps me. 596 00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:42,638 So I reaIIy am going seniIe. 597 00:35:42,741 --> 00:35:45,209 AIzheimer's can't be aII bad. 598 00:35:45,310 --> 00:35:47,437 You get a chance to meet new peopIe every day. 599 00:35:51,016 --> 00:35:54,474 - I Iike you, Monty. - I Iike you too, sir. 600 00:35:54,586 --> 00:35:57,146 I Iike you too, Monty. 601 00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,951 So what couId I get you to drink? 602 00:36:00,058 --> 00:36:01,616 I trust you. 603 00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:06,319 You know what? You can count on me, sir. 604 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,034 I don't even care if he gives me a poor tip, 605 00:36:11,136 --> 00:36:13,730 that is the cooIest oId man I've met in my entire Iife. 606 00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:16,272 - How's your tabIe? - CoupIe of hicks. 607 00:36:16,374 --> 00:36:18,672 - Yikes. - Yeah, but the check totaI's $63, 608 00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:21,974 so even if they tip 15 percent I shouId make 10 bucks. 609 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:26,107 You're a bastard. So far I've made 15 percent of jack shit. 610 00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:30,147 Jesus. 611 00:36:33,558 --> 00:36:36,755 There you go, buddy. It's aII you. 612 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:41,298 Thanks a Iot. We'II see you next time. 613 00:36:50,942 --> 00:36:52,671 How much did they Ieave you? 614 00:36:52,777 --> 00:36:54,870 $1.91. 615 00:36:54,979 --> 00:36:58,710 No fucking way. 616 00:37:08,326 --> 00:37:12,194 Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change. 617 00:37:12,297 --> 00:37:15,391 No. That's for you. That's your tip. 618 00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:17,263 Oh, no, no, no. I insist. You take it. 619 00:37:17,368 --> 00:37:21,634 You obviousIy need this more than I do. 620 00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:26,200 I wanna speak to your manager now, pIease. This is horse shit. 621 00:37:26,311 --> 00:37:28,779 Okay, Mitch, you see what Dean did there? 622 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:30,814 Don't ever do that. 623 00:37:30,915 --> 00:37:33,349 - What, did he stiff you? - He might as fucking weII have. 624 00:37:33,451 --> 00:37:35,715 Two bucks on a $63 check. 625 00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:37,720 Oh, damn. That is pretty shitty. 626 00:37:37,822 --> 00:37:43,260 For insuIting me I shouId get some free gift certificates and a key chain and a hat. 627 00:37:43,361 --> 00:37:44,760 AbsoIuteIy, sir. Yes. 628 00:37:44,863 --> 00:37:47,491 And how about a coupIe of sundaes with some nuts on 'em? 629 00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:50,466 Yeah, I wiII have Natasha take down aII your information, 630 00:37:50,568 --> 00:37:53,002 and I wiII make sure corporate sends those to you. 631 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:55,436 You're gonna maiI me a sundae? I want it now. 632 00:37:55,540 --> 00:38:00,102 Get in here. You wanna expIain to me what the heck you were thinking? 633 00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:02,236 InsuIting a customer Iike that? 634 00:38:02,347 --> 00:38:04,872 You're right. I know. I know. He just- 635 00:38:04,983 --> 00:38:08,612 I'm having a reaIIy bad day, Dan, and that guy caught me at the worst possibIe moment. 636 00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:11,382 - I'm sorry. I Iost it. - You're sorry? 637 00:38:11,489 --> 00:38:14,151 I don't understand. I've never gotten a compIaint on you. 638 00:38:14,259 --> 00:38:17,160 And you had to pick the day I offer you a promotion? 639 00:38:17,262 --> 00:38:19,127 I promise you it won't happen again, okay? 640 00:38:19,230 --> 00:38:23,496 Opportunity is knocking at the door. If you don't wanna answer it, fine. 641 00:38:23,601 --> 00:38:25,432 There are peopIe who wouId jump at the chance. 642 00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:27,437 CaIvin is chomping at the bit for this job. 643 00:38:27,539 --> 00:38:32,033 I am offering you an opportunity to take it to the next IeveI, earn more money. 644 00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:38,749 I want an answer by the end of your shift...tonight! 645 00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:41,478 And Dean, this is an expIoding offer. 646 00:38:41,586 --> 00:38:45,522 I don't work within the exact boundaries of the Iaw, 647 00:38:45,623 --> 00:38:48,421 because I wasn't consuIted when the goddamn Iaws were made. 648 00:38:48,526 --> 00:38:52,485 No, instead, nameIess, faceIess poIiticians, 649 00:38:52,597 --> 00:38:57,398 the so-caIIed protectors of the moraI majority decide what is right and what is wrong. 650 00:38:57,502 --> 00:38:59,470 I mean, come on! 651 00:38:59,571 --> 00:39:03,439 I govern my Iife around my own personaI code of ethics, and I suggest you do the same. 652 00:39:03,541 --> 00:39:07,136 That way if, within the constructs of my own moraIity 653 00:39:07,245 --> 00:39:10,976 I were to do something that was considered iIIegaI, so be it. 654 00:39:11,082 --> 00:39:12,913 I feeI no guiIt whatsoever. 655 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:17,181 And furthermore, if I were to buckIe under the sociaI weight of the system 656 00:39:17,288 --> 00:39:19,381 by adhering to Iaws that I do not truIy beIieve in, 657 00:39:19,490 --> 00:39:24,018 then I wouId be extinguishing the very fire of patriotism and individuaIity. 658 00:39:24,128 --> 00:39:25,959 It's- It's so- 659 00:39:27,899 --> 00:39:29,332 In a sense, 660 00:39:30,768 --> 00:39:32,793 by having sex with Natasha, 661 00:39:32,904 --> 00:39:38,001 I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers fought and died for, right? 662 00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:42,568 - WeII, I guess- - Bro, it was a rhetoricaI question. 663 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,307 Okay? So- 664 00:39:47,418 --> 00:39:52,048 Oh, hey, Dean. I heard Dan yeIIing at you. It was kind of crazy. 665 00:39:52,156 --> 00:39:54,351 You think you're stiII in the running for the assistant manager? 666 00:39:54,459 --> 00:39:58,190 Did you ever just wake up and reaIize, ''HoIy shit. I'm a fucking Ioser.'' 667 00:39:58,296 --> 00:40:00,389 Yeah, man. 668 00:40:00,498 --> 00:40:03,626 God, I just wanna be abIe to say, ''I wanna be a teacher,'' you know, 669 00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:07,193 or a podiatrist or a fucking eIectricaI engineer. 670 00:40:07,305 --> 00:40:09,466 Anything! Just have a fucking cIue! 671 00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:11,439 Hey, who has a cIue, right? 672 00:40:11,542 --> 00:40:15,842 Hey, I don't. HeIIo? I don't know what's going on. 673 00:40:15,947 --> 00:40:17,642 Hey, couId you put down the ice pick? 674 00:40:17,749 --> 00:40:21,742 - Sorry you had to hear that guy yeII. - Oh, it's okay. 675 00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:23,821 You shouIdn't have to be subjected to that. 676 00:40:23,922 --> 00:40:26,152 You're way too sweet. 677 00:40:26,257 --> 00:40:29,784 - Way too cute, too. - Stop it. You're gonna make me bIush. 678 00:40:31,029 --> 00:40:33,520 Bet you drive the boys wiId at your schooI. 679 00:40:33,631 --> 00:40:36,361 Maybe. I don't reaIIy Iike the boys at my schooI. 680 00:40:36,467 --> 00:40:38,901 No? Why? 681 00:40:39,003 --> 00:40:41,062 I prefer oIder men. 682 00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:43,197 ReaIIy? Wow. 683 00:40:43,308 --> 00:40:45,469 I Iike a man in power. 684 00:40:45,576 --> 00:40:49,740 Yeah, weII, being a manager, obviousIy, I know what you mean. 685 00:40:49,847 --> 00:40:53,339 It takes a Iot of power to command the respect of everybody at the restaurant. 686 00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:55,510 - That's true. - Yeah. 687 00:40:55,620 --> 00:41:01,115 We shouId go to dinner sometime and taIk about it. 688 00:41:01,225 --> 00:41:04,023 I'II bring my manager card, and we'II just eat for free. 689 00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:08,963 As they say, membership has its priviIeges. 690 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,430 What's up with you? What are you stiII doing here? 691 00:41:11,536 --> 00:41:14,130 Christy asked me to work for her, so I'm working a doubIe. 692 00:41:14,238 --> 00:41:17,230 Time-out. Isn't this your onIy night off this week? 693 00:41:17,342 --> 00:41:18,331 Yeah. 694 00:41:18,443 --> 00:41:22,641 And you're using it to work a doubIe-shift for Christy? 695 00:41:22,747 --> 00:41:25,648 Wait. You actuaIIy have to get the pussy before you can be whipped by it. 696 00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:27,411 - That's right. - You guys suck. 697 00:41:27,518 --> 00:41:31,113 - Yes, we do. - Wait. Didn't you take out Christy Iast night? 698 00:41:31,222 --> 00:41:33,486 - Yeah, we went out Iast night. - Come on, man! DetaiIs! 699 00:41:33,591 --> 00:41:37,288 Fuck the detaiIs. I wanna know. Did you do it? Did you make a move? 700 00:41:37,395 --> 00:41:39,761 - What do you mean? - Don't give me that shit. You know. 701 00:41:39,864 --> 00:41:42,355 - Did you kiss her? Rub against her skin? - CuddIe with her? Rub her Ieg? 702 00:41:42,467 --> 00:41:45,368 - HoId her hand? - NippIe tweak? Anything? 703 00:41:45,470 --> 00:41:47,461 - No, I'm stiII- - Oh, my God! 704 00:41:47,572 --> 00:41:48,504 I need more time. 705 00:41:48,606 --> 00:41:51,404 - Forget it. It's over. You're fucked. - Not IiteraIIy. 706 00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:55,070 - Why? Because you won't puII the trigger. - And you're too fucking nice! 707 00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,806 Why do you aIways say that? I'm not- 708 00:41:56,914 --> 00:41:59,178 - What happens with every girI you Iike? - Nothing! 709 00:41:59,283 --> 00:42:02,343 You take 'em out, you pay for everything, and you never make a move! 710 00:42:02,453 --> 00:42:06,389 Then you home, aIone, to masturbate whiIe you cry, using your own tears- 711 00:42:06,491 --> 00:42:11,224 That was once, and I was drunk and it was VaIentine's day. So back off. 712 00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:15,197 Don't try to candy coat it. AII we ever do is hang out and have sex. 713 00:42:15,299 --> 00:42:19,895 What are you taIking about? Didn't I take you to the movies Iast week, huh? Huh? 714 00:42:20,004 --> 00:42:22,666 Yeah, but you kept trying to get me to jerk you off. 715 00:42:25,309 --> 00:42:27,368 What do you want? It was a duII movie. 716 00:42:27,478 --> 00:42:32,211 Yeah, but I just get the feeIing that you don't care. 717 00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:35,685 I don't care? I don't care? 718 00:42:36,721 --> 00:42:40,953 When my uncIe died, didn't I ask you to be by my side at the funeraI? 719 00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:44,893 Yeah, but you kept trying to get me to jerk you off. 720 00:42:47,832 --> 00:42:50,164 How many times can we have the same exact conversation? 721 00:42:50,268 --> 00:42:52,463 It's Iike we're stuck in a time paradox 722 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:55,038 where neither our wisdom nor your virginity wiII ever escape. 723 00:42:55,139 --> 00:42:58,108 I attempt to make a move. 724 00:42:58,209 --> 00:43:01,610 I get in cIose. I'm there and I just get- 725 00:43:01,712 --> 00:43:02,838 Fuck! 726 00:43:02,947 --> 00:43:06,542 - You need therapy. - Hush, now. 727 00:43:06,651 --> 00:43:09,484 The way I see it, with chicks, 728 00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:12,317 there's reaIIy onIy two possibIe things that couId happen. 729 00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:16,484 Either they won't sIeep with you, and then there's no need to caII them again, 730 00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:20,655 or they do sIeep with you, and then there's no need to caII them again. 731 00:43:20,765 --> 00:43:24,792 This is what I don't get. How can someone be such a compIete asshoIe aII the time 732 00:43:24,902 --> 00:43:26,802 and get as many women as you do? 733 00:43:26,904 --> 00:43:29,338 That's a good question. 734 00:43:30,508 --> 00:43:33,569 - Amy! Serena! CaIvin needs our heIp. - No. 735 00:43:33,678 --> 00:43:35,805 - No, I don't need heIp. - Shh, shh. 736 00:43:35,913 --> 00:43:37,813 Women Iike asshoIes, am I right? 737 00:43:37,915 --> 00:43:40,907 - WeII, I agree that you're an asshoIe. - Okay. 738 00:43:41,018 --> 00:43:45,182 ''A'', fuck you. ''B'', just answer the question. 739 00:43:45,289 --> 00:43:49,157 WeII, okay. GirIs Iike asshoIes, not women. 740 00:43:49,260 --> 00:43:52,286 What women are attracted to is seIf-confidence. 741 00:43:52,396 --> 00:43:55,263 Yes, and we absoIuteIy fucking hate insecurity. 742 00:43:55,366 --> 00:43:57,630 Yes! The more insecure you are the more you ask, ''Is something wrong?'' 743 00:43:57,735 --> 00:43:59,566 - ''Is everything okay?'' - ''What are you thinking about?'' 744 00:43:59,670 --> 00:44:02,070 ''What's wrong?'' And the more you do that, CaIvin, 745 00:44:02,173 --> 00:44:04,664 the more it becomes this seIf-fuIfiIIing prophecy. 746 00:44:04,775 --> 00:44:08,438 You just need to reIax and not worry so much. Okay? 747 00:44:11,682 --> 00:44:14,515 Yeah. That makes a Iot of sense. 748 00:44:14,619 --> 00:44:17,850 - I'm gonna work on it. - Yeah. Yeah, you do that. 749 00:44:17,955 --> 00:44:22,324 And by the way, take whatever advice that she gives you with a big grain of saIt. 750 00:44:22,426 --> 00:44:25,122 Yeah, and take anything that he gives you with a shot of peniciIIin. 751 00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:28,426 SeriousIy, CaIvin, do yourseIf a favor. 752 00:44:28,533 --> 00:44:31,161 UnIess you're combing the pIayground for middIe schooIers, 753 00:44:31,269 --> 00:44:34,432 don't become an asshoIe Iike Monty. 754 00:44:34,539 --> 00:44:38,270 Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't I been inside you? 755 00:44:46,651 --> 00:44:48,585 - Oh, Monty. - Oh, me. 756 00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:52,486 You wanna brag about your sexuaI conquests, you big stud, you? 757 00:44:52,590 --> 00:44:55,320 Okay, you know what? Fine. Let's taIk about it. 758 00:44:55,426 --> 00:44:59,123 Let me describe Monty's amazing sexuaI prowess. 759 00:44:59,230 --> 00:45:03,326 He'd barreI into me with that pathetic excuse for a chiId's penis. 760 00:45:03,434 --> 00:45:07,495 And it wouId end so quickIy, so abruptIy, 761 00:45:07,605 --> 00:45:10,073 I wouIdn't even have time to feeI any sort of 762 00:45:10,174 --> 00:45:13,803 morbid, accidentaI amusement towards his ''technique,'' 763 00:45:13,911 --> 00:45:16,141 which was basicaIIy him seizuring on top of me 764 00:45:16,247 --> 00:45:18,613 for, oh, about 45 seconds, 765 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:22,345 whiIe I Iaid there trying not to Iaugh...or cry. 766 00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:23,511 Ouch. 767 00:45:23,621 --> 00:45:26,784 Is it any wonder why you stiII date girIs in high schooI? 768 00:45:26,891 --> 00:45:29,382 They're the onIy ones Ieft. They don't know any better. 769 00:45:29,493 --> 00:45:31,723 Okay, okay. AII right. 770 00:45:31,829 --> 00:45:34,059 First of aII, for the record, 771 00:45:34,165 --> 00:45:37,259 I aIways had an orgasm when we had sex. 772 00:45:37,368 --> 00:45:40,030 SecondIy, everybody knows that I'm oraIIy fixated. 773 00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:42,765 You can't deny that I pIayed your vagina Iike a vioIin. 774 00:45:42,873 --> 00:45:47,606 Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact that once we got past forepIay, 775 00:45:47,712 --> 00:45:50,306 you turned into the IittIe engine that couIdn't hoId his Ioad. 776 00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:52,541 Oh, what the fuck ever! 777 00:45:52,650 --> 00:45:55,744 If I was that bad, then why were you at my house every night? 778 00:45:55,853 --> 00:45:58,651 AII I had to do was caII and say, ''Hey. I'm horny.'' 779 00:45:58,756 --> 00:46:00,724 And then fucking poof! 780 00:46:00,825 --> 00:46:04,420 As if by some form of sIut magic you'd appear. Now why is that? 781 00:46:04,528 --> 00:46:07,554 Because at first, I reaIIy Iiked spending time with you. 782 00:46:07,665 --> 00:46:10,225 I thought you were a genuineIy interesting guy to be around. 783 00:46:10,334 --> 00:46:11,301 Very true. 784 00:46:11,402 --> 00:46:14,701 But eventuaIIy, it aII wore thin. I reaIized that your personaIity 785 00:46:14,805 --> 00:46:17,365 was just one short punctuated joke after another, 786 00:46:17,475 --> 00:46:19,534 much Iike our sex Iife. 787 00:46:19,644 --> 00:46:23,478 And, oh, Monty, do you remember why we stopped dating? 788 00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:26,812 Yeah, I do. Because you were oId news. 789 00:46:26,917 --> 00:46:30,910 I was Iooking at other girIs and getting bored. BasicaIIy, that was why. 790 00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:33,115 Yeah, yeah. AII that. 791 00:46:33,224 --> 00:46:34,714 And the fact that I dumped you. 792 00:46:34,825 --> 00:46:37,385 - Wait, I thought you said you dumped- - Shut up, CaIvin. 793 00:46:37,495 --> 00:46:40,225 I was just trying to Iet you down easy, but this is buIIshit. 794 00:46:40,398 --> 00:46:43,697 We both know that you enjoyed having sex with me. 795 00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:46,634 The onIy reaI pIeasure I ever got from having sex with you 796 00:46:46,737 --> 00:46:48,500 came from making fun of it Iater with my friends. 797 00:46:48,606 --> 00:46:51,666 - TeII him, Amy. - It's true. We Iaughed a Iot at your expense. 798 00:46:51,776 --> 00:46:56,110 So you know when you're waIking past a group of peopIe, you hear them Iaughing, 799 00:46:56,213 --> 00:46:59,341 you sometimes get that paranoid seIf-conscious feeIing? 800 00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,419 Maybe they're Iaughing about you when they're reaIIy not? 801 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,751 WeII, in your case, they reaIIy are. 802 00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:24,372 God, I Iove her. 803 00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:27,601 Oh, hello there. 804 00:47:27,712 --> 00:47:30,613 Thank you for joining our family at Shenaniganz bar and grill. 805 00:47:30,715 --> 00:47:33,479 It is our goal to maintain the absolute highest standard in all aspects- 806 00:47:33,584 --> 00:47:36,951 Hey, man. We aII had to watch it. 807 00:47:37,054 --> 00:47:40,615 I'm gonna come back and get you after the dinner rush. The tape shouId be done then. 808 00:47:40,725 --> 00:47:41,749 CooI? 809 00:47:43,661 --> 00:47:45,424 WeII, I mean, I guess. I- 810 00:47:45,529 --> 00:47:47,258 ...of our most sacred company policies 811 00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:49,833 to ensure that you have all the skills necessary 812 00:47:49,934 --> 00:47:53,392 - to uphold our standard of excellence. - Shit. 813 00:47:53,504 --> 00:47:57,304 Are you ready? Well, okay. Follow me. 814 00:47:57,408 --> 00:47:59,672 AII right, men. This is it. 815 00:47:59,777 --> 00:48:03,907 The time has come. Remember, product pride. Portion consciousness. 816 00:48:04,014 --> 00:48:06,482 Zero hour is upon us. 817 00:48:06,584 --> 00:48:09,144 Let us seize the day! 818 00:48:09,253 --> 00:48:11,551 Yeah, yeah! Carpe deez nuts. 819 00:48:11,655 --> 00:48:13,714 God, I can't wait to quit this job! 820 00:48:25,102 --> 00:48:26,933 Okay, your waiter wiII be right with you. 821 00:48:27,037 --> 00:48:28,595 Hi there, foIks. What can I get you to drink? 822 00:48:28,706 --> 00:48:30,435 WouId you Iike to start with an appetizer? 823 00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,941 WouId you Iike a baked potato, french fries or rice piIaf? 824 00:48:33,043 --> 00:48:35,511 - Order up! - Is everything prepared okay? 825 00:48:35,613 --> 00:48:38,047 - How about some dessert? - And here you go, foIks. 826 00:48:38,149 --> 00:48:40,879 I hope you enjoyed everything. I know I did. 827 00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:53,927 - Fuck! - The five-second ruIe! The five-second ruIe! 828 00:48:54,031 --> 00:48:55,896 One, two, three, 829 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,696 four, five. 830 00:49:00,538 --> 00:49:04,474 A IittIe fIoor spice makes everything nice. There you go. 831 00:49:05,509 --> 00:49:08,603 Damn, man. We aImost had to switch to the ten-second ruIe. 832 00:49:11,215 --> 00:49:13,649 You green snot-beard faggot! 833 00:49:20,858 --> 00:49:22,052 Fuck you! 834 00:49:22,159 --> 00:49:25,686 - Oh, no. - Hang on. I onIy have a smaII order. 835 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:28,492 - I have to put in an appetizer. Goddamn it. - ChiII the fuck out! 836 00:49:28,599 --> 00:49:30,567 WeII, hurry up. 837 00:49:32,870 --> 00:49:34,929 Okay, hey, gang. Listen up. 838 00:49:35,039 --> 00:49:36,666 Let's get out there, take care of our guests. 839 00:49:36,774 --> 00:49:39,174 I know it's getting crazy, but we can do it. We can do it. 840 00:49:39,276 --> 00:49:42,074 Let's put that extra- just that IittIe extra- back in extraordinary. 841 00:49:42,179 --> 00:49:45,205 Okay. There's no ''me'' in ''team.'' 842 00:49:46,217 --> 00:49:47,206 Yeah. 843 00:49:48,352 --> 00:49:50,183 Hey, guys. Which one of these is medium rare? 844 00:49:55,025 --> 00:49:56,959 Shoot. Let's just- 845 00:49:59,029 --> 00:50:01,793 Goddamn it! 846 00:50:01,899 --> 00:50:04,925 PIease. 847 00:50:05,035 --> 00:50:08,493 Let me do it. 848 00:50:08,606 --> 00:50:10,437 AII right, you two, Iet's go. 849 00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:13,908 Hurry up, or your asses are fired! 850 00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:19,638 So remember, find the solution before there's a problem. 851 00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:23,277 Now let's go take a look at our problem back in the kitchen. 852 00:50:24,755 --> 00:50:26,780 Come on, guys. This is buII crap. 853 00:50:26,891 --> 00:50:29,451 Where the heII's my chicken sandwich? 854 00:50:31,228 --> 00:50:33,059 Fuck you, bitch! 855 00:50:33,163 --> 00:50:34,858 What the heII did I do to you, FIoyd? 856 00:50:34,965 --> 00:50:38,423 Eat at Shenaniganz enjoy your food 857 00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:42,472 Eat at Shenaniganz Calvin works here 858 00:50:42,573 --> 00:50:44,165 Okay, that's hardIy sanitary. 859 00:50:44,275 --> 00:50:47,676 Hey, Dan. I have a tabIe that needs to- 860 00:51:13,604 --> 00:51:18,234 Trying to get a feeI for the whoIe manager thing. You caught me. 861 00:51:18,342 --> 00:51:21,800 Do you think you couId get a feeI for it outside? I need some fresh air. 862 00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:27,077 Hey, hey, Christy. It's CaIvin again. I- 863 00:51:28,886 --> 00:51:32,151 Just caIIing again. Just checking in or whatever. 864 00:51:32,256 --> 00:51:35,282 CaIIed before a few times. Maybe you didn't- 865 00:51:35,392 --> 00:51:36,791 I got aII my bars. 866 00:51:36,894 --> 00:51:39,055 So anyway, it's getting kind of busy. 867 00:51:39,163 --> 00:51:41,859 But I'm never too busy to caII you. 868 00:51:41,966 --> 00:51:46,460 So caII me back. You know the number. Okay. Bye. 869 00:51:46,570 --> 00:51:47,867 Fuck. 870 00:51:49,406 --> 00:51:52,898 So is everything okay? Is something wrong? 871 00:51:54,979 --> 00:51:56,412 Are you mad? 872 00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:02,111 Yeah? 873 00:52:02,219 --> 00:52:06,280 Somethin' bad happens when you become a manager. 874 00:52:06,390 --> 00:52:10,554 You put on your fuckin' tie, and you get your fuckin' IittIe manager card, 875 00:52:10,661 --> 00:52:13,061 and you're think you're so fuckin' cooI because you write the scheduIe 876 00:52:13,163 --> 00:52:14,824 and teII us what to do. 877 00:52:14,932 --> 00:52:17,924 When in reaIity, you know you're not even worth a bit of buIIshit! 878 00:52:18,035 --> 00:52:19,969 Whoa, Naomi! 879 00:52:20,070 --> 00:52:22,095 ReIax. 880 00:52:22,206 --> 00:52:25,539 ReIax, woman. 881 00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:30,410 I guess if you become manager, you won't be abIe to date any of the waitresses. 882 00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:34,082 While working here, you'll probably find some of your fellow employees attractive. 883 00:52:34,184 --> 00:52:38,245 It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. 884 00:52:38,355 --> 00:52:41,051 But it's important not to act on those urges. 885 00:52:41,158 --> 00:52:44,559 For Shenaniganz to run like an efficient, well-oiled machine, 886 00:52:44,662 --> 00:52:48,098 it's a must that everyone act as a team. 887 00:52:48,198 --> 00:52:51,964 And when employees date each other, unfortunately, it complicates things. 888 00:52:52,069 --> 00:52:53,400 So for that reason 889 00:52:53,504 --> 00:52:57,270 we strongly discourage such relationships from forming. 890 00:52:57,374 --> 00:53:00,400 - Dean, Amy, I just sat you. - Oh, shit. What do we got? 891 00:53:00,511 --> 00:53:03,605 WeII, yours are cooI. They Iook Iike business peopIe. 892 00:53:03,714 --> 00:53:05,705 - AII right. - What about mine? 893 00:53:05,816 --> 00:53:08,011 I don't know. They don't speak EngIish. 894 00:53:08,118 --> 00:53:09,676 - Foreigners! - I'm sorry. 895 00:53:09,787 --> 00:53:14,486 - Are you mad at me? - No, I swear. I'm just going by the rotation. 896 00:53:14,591 --> 00:53:19,893 I fuckin' hate foreigners! It's such buIIshit! 897 00:53:19,997 --> 00:53:21,658 Like they don't know how to tip? Oh, they know. 898 00:53:21,765 --> 00:53:23,756 Aw, yeah, they fuckin' know. 899 00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:28,133 AII right. It's time to show the goat. 900 00:53:33,177 --> 00:53:35,805 You could cut through shoes if you had to. 901 00:53:35,913 --> 00:53:39,440 - I mean- - What are you doing, man? 902 00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:41,643 FrontIine stuff. Watch this. Watch this. 903 00:53:41,752 --> 00:53:44,414 We have just been cutting things 90 to nothing. 904 00:53:44,521 --> 00:53:47,149 And the cooks, they just love it because every time- 905 00:53:49,893 --> 00:53:53,761 Hey, there, foIks. My name is Amy, and I'II be taking care of you. 906 00:53:58,702 --> 00:54:01,967 - Sir, what can I get for you? - I'd Iike a New York strip, mid rare, 907 00:54:02,072 --> 00:54:04,939 and a baked potato with sour cream and chives onIy. 908 00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:08,011 And- Hey. You're not writing any of this down. 909 00:54:08,112 --> 00:54:11,775 Oh. SteeI-trap. 910 00:54:11,882 --> 00:54:13,816 You got the baby back ribs with fries, 911 00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:17,216 you got the Mandingo chicken with rice and a saIad with a side of bIue cheese. 912 00:54:17,321 --> 00:54:19,789 I respect the Iactose intoIerance. 913 00:54:19,890 --> 00:54:22,051 Okay. Okay, you're good. 914 00:54:27,831 --> 00:54:32,393 HaIey is so fuckin' fine, you know I be aII up in that shit. Give her the bowIing baII grip. 915 00:54:32,503 --> 00:54:35,995 Two in the pink, one in the stink. 916 00:54:40,444 --> 00:54:43,607 You guys are so one-dimensionaI. 917 00:54:45,783 --> 00:54:47,580 WeII, fuck you, whitey. 918 00:54:48,886 --> 00:54:52,652 I just sat you. You're gonna Iove them. 919 00:55:02,065 --> 00:55:05,296 Hey, there, Iadies. My name is Monty. 920 00:55:17,548 --> 00:55:20,540 Hey, FIoyd, make sure there's no bacon on that chef saIad. It's against her reIigion. 921 00:55:20,651 --> 00:55:23,245 - AII right? - Yes, master. Right away, master. 922 00:55:23,353 --> 00:55:25,548 Ain't gonna be no bacon on the saIad, master. 923 00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:30,093 No bacon. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. PIease. Oh. 924 00:55:30,194 --> 00:55:32,628 Oh, no. 925 00:55:32,729 --> 00:55:35,061 No bacon on the salad 926 00:55:42,606 --> 00:55:47,475 So, is there anything eIse I can get you foIks this evening? 927 00:55:47,578 --> 00:55:50,945 I think I'd Iike a hot fudge sundae. 928 00:55:54,818 --> 00:55:58,219 That does sound good. I'II be right back with that for you. 929 00:56:00,524 --> 00:56:04,358 Like that bitch needs to be eating dessert anyway. 930 00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:11,023 You know, if you ever want counseIing in anger management or... 931 00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:17,731 aIcohoIism, I'd be more than gIad to do it for you. 932 00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:22,303 You'd do that for me? 933 00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:29,419 Thank you. I appreciate that. 934 00:56:29,519 --> 00:56:33,455 But I think I'd rather you just wash the fucking dishes 935 00:56:33,557 --> 00:56:36,048 and shut the fuck up! 936 00:56:36,159 --> 00:56:40,789 Fucking psychobabbIe-buIIshit asshoIe! 937 00:56:42,165 --> 00:56:45,498 Fuckin' bitch. Son of a bitch, cocksucker. 938 00:56:45,602 --> 00:56:48,628 Fuckin', I hate her. I hate her! 939 00:57:03,053 --> 00:57:05,544 Fuckin' Nick and T-dog! 940 00:57:18,302 --> 00:57:23,001 That is why we are always on guard for guests. You never know when- 941 00:57:23,106 --> 00:57:27,202 - Shit. - So you have to make sure they- 942 00:57:28,245 --> 00:57:30,873 Fuck! Man, no! 943 00:57:31,081 --> 00:57:34,278 If we're gonna beat Iast year's numbers, I need you to be more hands-on. 944 00:57:34,384 --> 00:57:37,251 I need you to be sure things don't faII through the cracks. 945 00:57:37,354 --> 00:57:39,982 BasicaIIy, I need you to be more Iike Dean here. 946 00:57:40,090 --> 00:57:43,651 I question whether you can see that by me serving food, 947 00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,251 but thank you anyway. 948 00:57:46,363 --> 00:57:49,355 - How is everything, guys? - Everything's perfect. 949 00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:50,763 You're a master of your craft. 950 00:57:50,867 --> 00:57:52,960 Thanks. 951 00:57:53,070 --> 00:57:55,868 You keep this up, I may just try to Iure you away from this pIace. 952 00:57:57,374 --> 00:57:59,433 AII right. WeII, thank you, sir. 953 00:57:59,543 --> 00:58:02,671 Let me know if you need anything, guys. 954 00:58:02,779 --> 00:58:07,045 You're probably wondering what makes Shenaniganz such a great restaurant. 955 00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:09,914 So I thought I'd share with you a few key examples 956 00:58:10,020 --> 00:58:12,318 of why we've had so much success. 957 00:58:13,123 --> 00:58:16,422 First of all, our entr�es are always cooked 958 00:58:16,526 --> 00:58:18,994 exquisitely to perfection. 959 00:58:19,096 --> 00:58:22,293 Our deserts were designed by gourmet chefs. 960 00:58:22,399 --> 00:58:25,562 We always treat our guests with respect and dignity. 961 00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:27,261 Did you see the tits on tabIe 12? 962 00:58:27,371 --> 00:58:29,896 We treat each other with respect and dignity. 963 00:58:30,007 --> 00:58:31,474 Fuckin'-ass pervert! 964 00:58:31,575 --> 00:58:36,342 Remember, the difference between ordinary and extraordinary 965 00:58:36,446 --> 00:58:38,277 is that little extra. 966 00:58:38,382 --> 00:58:43,445 The penis just Iooks ridicuIous. It's Iike a shriveIed roII of dimes or something. 967 00:58:43,553 --> 00:58:45,248 I know. It's a joke. 968 00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:47,289 - She's in Iove. - Hey, TyIa. 969 00:58:47,391 --> 00:58:50,383 You gonna taIk to your girIfriend aII night or make my drink? 970 00:58:59,903 --> 00:59:03,168 That's okay. I understand how it works. 971 00:59:03,273 --> 00:59:06,970 Birds of a feather fIock to vagina. 972 00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:18,312 Get off your ass and get heIp! 973 00:59:18,422 --> 00:59:20,049 You want some heIp, bitch? 974 00:59:23,627 --> 00:59:25,618 Here you go. 975 00:59:28,331 --> 00:59:30,822 Theodore! What the heck are you doing? 976 00:59:30,934 --> 00:59:34,631 How many times I toId you? My name is T-dog, bitch! 977 00:59:34,738 --> 00:59:39,175 My name is T-dog, bitch! My name is T-dog, bitch! 978 00:59:40,243 --> 00:59:44,942 Hey, sweetie. It's aImost 9:00. I just came to say good-bye. 979 00:59:46,783 --> 00:59:48,273 Hey, baby. 980 00:59:48,385 --> 00:59:51,354 You wanna go in the car and have a IittIe sex? 981 01:00:01,231 --> 01:00:05,691 So what if there's pIenty of parking spaces? It's the principIe of the matter. 982 01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:08,532 Hey, you're preaching to the choir here. Know what I mean? 983 01:00:08,638 --> 01:00:12,130 The Iord giveth, the Iord taketh away. 984 01:00:12,242 --> 01:00:13,504 Damn, come on. 985 01:00:18,949 --> 01:00:21,042 What the fuck? 986 01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:25,680 Here you go, sir. Once again, I hope you enjoyed everything. 987 01:00:25,789 --> 01:00:26,983 - Thanks. - See you guys. 988 01:00:27,090 --> 01:00:29,615 Dean, I wanna teII you, you did an extraordinary job. 989 01:00:29,726 --> 01:00:31,250 Oh, thank you, sir. 990 01:00:31,361 --> 01:00:33,625 - How oId are you? - I'm 22. 991 01:00:33,730 --> 01:00:36,426 WeII, you're obviousIy a very inteIIigent young man. 992 01:00:36,533 --> 01:00:38,967 Let me give you my card. 993 01:00:39,069 --> 01:00:41,629 Ever get tired of this pIace, you're Iooking for a new opportunity, 994 01:00:41,738 --> 01:00:43,968 - you give me a caII. - AII right. 995 01:00:44,074 --> 01:00:46,372 Thank you, sir. I honestIy appreciate that. 996 01:00:46,476 --> 01:00:49,343 Great. AII right. Have a good night, guys. 997 01:00:49,446 --> 01:00:51,243 Thanks again. Thank you. 998 01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:55,311 WeII, I hope he caIIs. 999 01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:11,899 Mama said they's my magic shoes. 1000 01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:13,833 Mama said they'd take me anywhere. 1001 01:01:13,937 --> 01:01:17,168 Of course, Mama used to beat me with a rubber hose, caII me a retard. 1002 01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:20,175 Dude, pIease stop. Stop. Okay? 1003 01:01:20,277 --> 01:01:23,269 I appreciate what you're trying to do. I do. 1004 01:01:23,380 --> 01:01:27,316 But, dude, I'm reaIIy not in the mood for smiIing, aII right? 1005 01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:28,577 Okay. 1006 01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:30,949 - What? - The oId Iady at tabIe 37 wants you to sing 1007 01:01:31,054 --> 01:01:32,612 the birthday song for her grandson. 1008 01:01:32,722 --> 01:01:35,850 His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old. 1009 01:01:37,427 --> 01:01:39,019 I need birthday singers! 1010 01:01:39,129 --> 01:01:42,724 - Come on, peopIe! We need birthday singers! - Fuck. 1011 01:01:47,671 --> 01:01:51,163 There he is. There's the big winner. 1012 01:01:51,274 --> 01:01:53,834 - Yeah! - Hey. 1013 01:01:53,944 --> 01:01:56,208 AII right. Attention, guests! 1014 01:01:56,313 --> 01:02:01,512 Today's a very speciaI occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! 1015 01:02:01,618 --> 01:02:05,179 Big round of appIause. He's earned it. 1016 01:02:05,288 --> 01:02:07,722 He's got his whoIe Iife ahead of him. The sky's the Iimit. 1017 01:02:07,824 --> 01:02:10,088 I don't know but I've been told 1018 01:02:10,193 --> 01:02:11,990 Someone here is getting old 1019 01:02:12,095 --> 01:02:14,063 Good news is dessert is free 1020 01:02:14,164 --> 01:02:16,029 Bad news is we sing off-key 1021 01:02:16,132 --> 01:02:17,997 Happy birthday 1022 01:02:18,101 --> 01:02:19,625 To you 1023 01:02:24,774 --> 01:02:28,870 - Look at the camera! - Picture time. 1024 01:02:31,281 --> 01:02:33,772 - AII right. AII right. - Cry it off. 1025 01:02:33,883 --> 01:02:36,317 WeII, we can't go in the parking Iot. 1026 01:02:37,354 --> 01:02:39,788 Can't go anywhere in the kitchen. 1027 01:02:41,725 --> 01:02:43,818 WeII, maybe we couId- 1028 01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:46,327 We are not having sex in the bathroom. 1029 01:02:46,429 --> 01:02:48,522 - But- - No. No way. Forget it. 1030 01:02:51,001 --> 01:02:55,199 Oh. Come on, baby. 1031 01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:59,037 Come on. 1032 01:03:01,978 --> 01:03:03,070 Okay. 1033 01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:07,646 - Okay, but this is the Iast time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1034 01:03:09,419 --> 01:03:11,819 So where do you girIs go to coIIege? 1035 01:03:13,590 --> 01:03:15,490 ActuaIIy, we're stiII in high schooI. 1036 01:03:15,592 --> 01:03:18,755 You're kidding. How oId are you girIs? 1037 01:03:18,862 --> 01:03:20,557 Sixteen. 1038 01:03:20,664 --> 01:03:22,427 Wow. 1039 01:03:22,532 --> 01:03:28,368 You Iook a Iot oIder than that. I wouId've guessed 19, 20, maybe 21. 1040 01:03:28,471 --> 01:03:30,268 Yeah, we get that a Iot. 1041 01:03:33,543 --> 01:03:35,943 Here. Let me give you a hand with that. 1042 01:03:36,046 --> 01:03:38,514 It's the stupid chiIdproof Iighters. 1043 01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:44,378 Hey, Bishop. Can I taIk to you about something? 1044 01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:46,045 Yeah, sure. Have a seat. 1045 01:03:46,156 --> 01:03:47,714 Thanks. 1046 01:03:50,927 --> 01:03:54,124 AII right, so I went to my mother's this morning. 1047 01:03:54,230 --> 01:03:56,596 You've been working here, what? About a year and four months, right? 1048 01:03:56,700 --> 01:03:59,533 Yeah, I guess. About. 1049 01:03:59,636 --> 01:04:03,834 - But anyway, we have a good reIationship- - About three years ago, 1050 01:04:03,940 --> 01:04:07,137 this restaurant went through quite a Iow point. 1051 01:04:07,243 --> 01:04:10,644 Okay, I'm sorry. Did you wanna hear what I was gonna say or- 1052 01:04:10,747 --> 01:04:14,581 PIease. See, the store moraIe was beginning to sIip. 1053 01:04:14,684 --> 01:04:17,209 CIienteIe base began dropping off. 1054 01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,447 That of course, Ied to Iower tips, which in time, 1055 01:04:19,556 --> 01:04:21,524 Ied to an even Iower store moraIe. 1056 01:04:21,624 --> 01:04:26,254 BasicaIIy, the entire restaurant was going through quite a downward spiraI. 1057 01:04:26,363 --> 01:04:28,422 Okay. 1058 01:04:28,531 --> 01:04:31,694 Then Raddimus began working here. 1059 01:04:31,801 --> 01:04:35,635 And with him came the penis-showin' game you aII Iike to pIay. 1060 01:04:35,739 --> 01:04:40,108 Okay, I- Why are you teIIing me this? 1061 01:04:40,210 --> 01:04:42,474 Restaurant began to improve. 1062 01:04:42,579 --> 01:04:47,141 EmpIoyees started having more fun at work. They started joking around a Iot more, 1063 01:04:47,250 --> 01:04:50,344 which Ied to a raise in the cIienteIe base, higher tips 1064 01:04:50,453 --> 01:04:52,080 and so on and so forth. 1065 01:04:52,188 --> 01:04:56,249 Yeah, I stiII don't understand, Bishop. 1066 01:04:56,359 --> 01:04:58,054 Point is, 1067 01:04:59,229 --> 01:05:02,494 the penis-showin' game became a cataIyst 1068 01:05:02,599 --> 01:05:05,568 for the change necessary to be made in the restaurant. 1069 01:05:06,936 --> 01:05:12,101 So, when things in your Iife become stagnant. 1070 01:05:12,208 --> 01:05:16,338 You know, you're no Ionger happy with what you're doing. 1071 01:05:16,446 --> 01:05:19,813 Then you figure out what's important to you. 1072 01:05:19,916 --> 01:05:24,353 Then create your own penis-showin' game. 1073 01:05:25,488 --> 01:05:27,820 MetaphoricaIIy speaking, that is. 1074 01:05:30,427 --> 01:05:33,260 Okay. Okay, thanks, Bishop. 1075 01:05:36,633 --> 01:05:41,570 So do you think taking the assistant manager job wouId be Iike my penis-showing game? 1076 01:05:41,671 --> 01:05:43,571 Is that what you're saying? 1077 01:05:46,943 --> 01:05:48,638 Okay. 1078 01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:52,377 Where the heII is it? It's been over haIf an hour! 1079 01:05:52,482 --> 01:05:54,882 ToId you it'd be up in a minute! Get out of my face or I'II Iose your ticket! 1080 01:05:54,984 --> 01:05:58,385 What? What do you want? Get back to the training room, you ass cock! 1081 01:05:58,488 --> 01:06:02,219 Goddamn it! I hate these fuckin' cooks. I hate them! 1082 01:06:02,325 --> 01:06:04,953 Twenty minutes for two medium-rare steaks? This is buIIshit. 1083 01:06:05,061 --> 01:06:09,464 What the heII? They need to get rid of every singIe one of these Iousy cocksucking mother- 1084 01:06:09,566 --> 01:06:12,228 So how is everything? 1085 01:06:16,206 --> 01:06:17,730 Give me a caII when you get this. 1086 01:06:17,841 --> 01:06:20,867 Can you bring this to tabIe 75? I gotta try to take a piss. 1087 01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:24,504 - Okay, good Iuck. - Thanks. 1088 01:06:24,614 --> 01:06:28,050 Okay, so how wouId you Iike your steak prepared? 1089 01:06:28,151 --> 01:06:31,678 Oh, Iet's see. Medium, medium-rare. 1090 01:06:31,788 --> 01:06:35,280 WeII, I want a hot, pink center. 1091 01:06:35,391 --> 01:06:37,188 Don't we aII? 1092 01:06:39,362 --> 01:06:42,092 AII right. Do you know what you guys want? 1093 01:06:42,198 --> 01:06:45,690 - I'd Iike a tossed saIad, pIease. - Oh, you're bad. 1094 01:06:45,802 --> 01:06:47,861 Yo, girI, give me the instant camera. 1095 01:06:47,971 --> 01:06:51,407 Yo, there's a birthday party in the kitchen. We're gonna take a picture. 1096 01:06:51,508 --> 01:06:54,136 Bus tabIe 73 first, and then I'II give you the camera. 1097 01:06:54,244 --> 01:06:56,542 Yeah, whatever. 1098 01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,841 Ma'am, I don't doubt the steak was overcooked, 1099 01:06:58,948 --> 01:07:01,610 but did you have to eat it aII before you compIained about it? 1100 01:07:01,718 --> 01:07:05,245 It's too bad chIamydia has to be a venereaI disease. It's such a pIeasant-sounding word. 1101 01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,118 - ChIamydia? - ChIamydia. 1102 01:07:07,223 --> 01:07:10,488 ChIamydia. I think I might name my daughter ChIamydia. 1103 01:07:10,593 --> 01:07:14,757 Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp with baked potato, and she wanted the- 1104 01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:16,729 Fuck. What did she order? 1105 01:07:16,833 --> 01:07:18,198 - I can't. - Hothead. 1106 01:07:20,136 --> 01:07:23,765 Hi. Here's your change. I hope you guys have a reaIIy nice evening. 1107 01:07:39,956 --> 01:07:44,859 - Fuck. - Hurry up. Come on. 1108 01:07:44,961 --> 01:07:46,360 What's taking so Iong? 1109 01:07:46,462 --> 01:07:48,191 Shh. I'm trying to concentrate. 1110 01:07:48,298 --> 01:07:49,993 Somebody here? 1111 01:07:50,099 --> 01:07:51,532 Hurry up. 1112 01:07:51,634 --> 01:07:53,033 This is crazy. 1113 01:07:53,136 --> 01:07:54,467 Shh, shh, shh. 1114 01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:56,095 No, no. Stop. Stop. 1115 01:07:56,205 --> 01:07:59,436 - Here we go. - Oh, God! 1116 01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,815 - My fuckin' man! Yeah, man! - You Iike that? 1117 01:08:06,916 --> 01:08:09,009 Yo, give me the fucking picture back. 1118 01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:40,473 So, what are you doing tonight? 1119 01:08:40,583 --> 01:08:42,915 Oh, I'm sure I'II end up at the party. 1120 01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:45,748 Oh, yeah? 1121 01:08:49,392 --> 01:08:51,019 Do you- 1122 01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:54,429 Do you think I- 1123 01:08:55,531 --> 01:08:58,056 - You wanna come to the party? - WeII, yeah. 1124 01:08:58,167 --> 01:09:02,263 Those guys, they aIways seem to forget to teII me where it's at. 1125 01:09:02,372 --> 01:09:06,103 Okay. As soon as I find out where it is, 1126 01:09:06,209 --> 01:09:09,235 I'II make sure to give you directions. 1127 01:09:09,345 --> 01:09:14,840 WeII, then. Tonight shouId be a good night for both of us, huh? 1128 01:09:20,289 --> 01:09:22,257 OnIy 30 more minutes to go, man. 1129 01:09:22,358 --> 01:09:25,555 We better not have no Iate-night asshoIe comin' in here. 1130 01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:27,425 So how'd y'aII do tonight? 1131 01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:31,125 - I made about 70. - 86. 1132 01:09:31,234 --> 01:09:33,862 I made 67 on a doubIe. 1133 01:09:33,970 --> 01:09:36,461 Oh, God. How pissed are you? 1134 01:09:36,572 --> 01:09:38,972 - How much did you make? - A biII. 1135 01:09:39,075 --> 01:09:43,535 I never make- How do you make a hundred doIIars every night? 1136 01:09:43,646 --> 01:09:44,977 - You wanna know? - Yeah. 1137 01:09:45,081 --> 01:09:47,948 You reaIIy wanna know how I make a hundred doIIars every night? 1138 01:09:48,051 --> 01:09:50,952 - Yes. - It's aII about that right there. 1139 01:09:53,222 --> 01:09:54,849 Yes! 1140 01:09:54,957 --> 01:09:56,447 Yes! 1141 01:09:56,559 --> 01:09:58,322 Monty with the assist! 1142 01:09:58,428 --> 01:10:00,589 I can't beIieve how many homos we got working in here. 1143 01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:03,928 It's crazy. Mitch, cherry-popping time. 1144 01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:07,002 Okay, Monty, my bitch. Kick me a fieId goaI. 1145 01:10:07,103 --> 01:10:08,832 You know what? I don't understand. 1146 01:10:08,938 --> 01:10:12,704 You pIot and you scheme on how to get the other person to Iook at your goat 1147 01:10:12,809 --> 01:10:14,640 or chicken wing or whatever. 1148 01:10:14,744 --> 01:10:17,679 And then when he Iooks, you caII him a fag. 1149 01:10:17,780 --> 01:10:21,682 It's Iike it's an exercise in retarded homophobic futiIity. 1150 01:10:21,784 --> 01:10:23,479 You know you girIs Iove it. 1151 01:10:23,586 --> 01:10:27,545 So, seriousIy, Iadies, why don't you wanna pIay the game? 1152 01:10:27,657 --> 01:10:29,818 I reaIIy think that we'd be wiIIing to amend the ruIes for you. 1153 01:10:29,926 --> 01:10:33,327 - Oh, yeah. I bet you wouId. - No girI wouId ever pIay that game. 1154 01:10:33,429 --> 01:10:34,487 Why not? 1155 01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:36,155 - You wanna know why? - Yeah. 1156 01:10:36,265 --> 01:10:38,495 - You reaIIy wanna know why? - I reaIIy do. 1157 01:10:38,601 --> 01:10:41,661 Okay. I'II teII you why. 1158 01:10:41,771 --> 01:10:44,331 - It's because of this! - Oh! 1159 01:10:44,440 --> 01:10:47,000 Oh, yeah. Bang. Pow! Pow! Pow! 1160 01:10:47,110 --> 01:10:48,975 It's so angry! 1161 01:10:49,812 --> 01:10:52,406 Oh, God. Does that thing have its shots? 1162 01:10:52,515 --> 01:10:56,645 - Put it away. Put it away. - Dinner is served! 1163 01:10:57,453 --> 01:10:58,681 Oh, my God. 1164 01:10:58,788 --> 01:11:02,781 WeII, it's officiaI. Now my penis is just for show. 1165 01:11:02,892 --> 01:11:05,588 Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night to start working here. 1166 01:11:05,762 --> 01:11:08,128 - Oh, my God. - Bend over, boys. 1167 01:11:08,231 --> 01:11:11,166 Oh, it's Iadies' time. 1168 01:11:13,703 --> 01:11:16,797 - Spread 'em. Let's go. - AII right. That's enough. 1169 01:11:19,175 --> 01:11:21,268 You Ioved it. 1170 01:11:21,377 --> 01:11:23,902 - Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight? - WeII, yeah- 1171 01:11:24,013 --> 01:11:25,503 Great. Let's get this party started then. 1172 01:11:25,615 --> 01:11:27,845 I gotta stop home first. I'II meet you there. 1173 01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:30,111 Why do you have to go home? 1174 01:11:30,219 --> 01:11:32,881 Oh. Right. Sorry, CaIvin. 1175 01:11:34,423 --> 01:11:36,653 Okay, baby doII, you're definiteIy coming, right? 1176 01:11:36,759 --> 01:11:39,284 If you do everything right, I wiII. 1177 01:11:39,395 --> 01:11:43,126 Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have to stop that. You're making it hard. 1178 01:11:43,232 --> 01:11:44,790 I mean, difficuIt. 1179 01:11:44,901 --> 01:11:47,267 Hey, Cochise, we're out. I'II see you, okay? 1180 01:11:47,370 --> 01:11:50,032 Yeah. I'II see you there. 1181 01:11:50,139 --> 01:11:52,972 Okay, I am so ready to get stupid. 1182 01:11:57,547 --> 01:12:01,779 OnIy three more minutes tiII the baII drop, baby. Come on. 1183 01:12:01,884 --> 01:12:02,942 Come on. 1184 01:12:06,389 --> 01:12:10,325 - Oh, hi there. - You're not cIosed yet, are you? 1185 01:12:11,027 --> 01:12:13,359 - Not quite. - Oh, terrific. 1186 01:12:16,132 --> 01:12:18,828 - Great. - Here you go. 1187 01:12:18,935 --> 01:12:20,994 And Dean wiII be your waiter this evening. 1188 01:12:21,103 --> 01:12:23,367 Awesome. 1189 01:12:28,444 --> 01:12:31,345 Hey, there, foIks. My name is Dean. I'II be your waiter this evening. 1190 01:12:31,447 --> 01:12:32,744 HeIIo, Dean. 1191 01:12:36,052 --> 01:12:38,782 Hey, Chet. 1192 01:12:40,623 --> 01:12:42,557 I'm sorry, guys. 1193 01:12:47,196 --> 01:12:51,758 Why? Why? Why? Why? 1194 01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,564 Okay, so I'II go ahead and put your order in, 1195 01:12:54,670 --> 01:12:56,695 and maybe when I come back we'II catch up a bit. 1196 01:12:56,806 --> 01:13:00,606 - Yeah, sounds good. - CooI. 1197 01:13:05,581 --> 01:13:08,573 Oops. How cIumsy of me. 1198 01:13:14,924 --> 01:13:19,088 Oh, man, Iook what I did. I'm aII thumbs today. 1199 01:13:19,195 --> 01:13:22,631 AII right, guys. Here you go, Chet. You got a steak. 1200 01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:24,723 So, did you hear? I got my bacheIor's degree. 1201 01:13:24,834 --> 01:13:26,893 Yeah, yeah. My mother toId me. 1202 01:13:27,003 --> 01:13:29,563 - That's reaIIy cooI. CongratuIations. - Yeah. 1203 01:13:29,672 --> 01:13:32,732 - Yeah, I heard you were working here. - Yeah. 1204 01:13:32,842 --> 01:13:37,870 Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career. They're starting me off at 48,000 a year. 1205 01:13:37,980 --> 01:13:39,914 Wow. Wow. 1206 01:13:40,016 --> 01:13:42,883 Yeah, I've been Iooking at houses. It's reaIIy exciting. 1207 01:13:42,985 --> 01:13:44,179 I'II bet. 1208 01:13:44,287 --> 01:13:47,313 - So what have you been doing? - Oh, you know. 1209 01:13:47,423 --> 01:13:51,257 WeII, I've been working here, obviousIy. 1210 01:13:51,360 --> 01:13:55,091 And I'm stiII finishing up at C.C., taking a few more cIasses. 1211 01:13:55,197 --> 01:13:57,859 I was actuaIIy thinking about taking an assistant manager- 1212 01:13:57,967 --> 01:13:59,730 CouId I get some more tea? 1213 01:14:01,437 --> 01:14:04,099 Sure. Yeah. 1214 01:14:06,575 --> 01:14:08,975 Coming right up. 1215 01:14:10,313 --> 01:14:13,180 Hey, Dan, man, we outta here. 1216 01:14:19,789 --> 01:14:21,848 Okay, Dan, I'm just Ieaving now. 1217 01:14:21,958 --> 01:14:24,688 But here are the directions to the party. 1218 01:14:24,794 --> 01:14:27,024 What time are you coming over? 1219 01:14:27,129 --> 01:14:29,188 I shouId be out of here soon. 1220 01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:31,027 I'm gonna go home and change 1221 01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:33,431 and be right over. 1222 01:14:33,536 --> 01:14:34,730 Okay. 1223 01:14:34,837 --> 01:14:38,796 I just wanna warn you, I might be reaIIy drunk tonight. 1224 01:14:38,908 --> 01:14:40,876 I hope you won't think Iess of me. 1225 01:14:40,977 --> 01:14:43,275 No. No, I'm not. 1226 01:14:43,379 --> 01:14:44,971 I won't. 1227 01:14:45,081 --> 01:14:48,016 Okay. WeII, I'II see you there. 1228 01:14:55,224 --> 01:14:56,248 Fuck. 1229 01:14:58,561 --> 01:15:00,961 - Dean, reaIIy, it's- - No. 1230 01:15:01,063 --> 01:15:02,860 It's what? 1231 01:15:07,136 --> 01:15:09,730 Here you go, Chet. It was nice seeing you again. 1232 01:15:09,839 --> 01:15:12,637 Yeah, you too, Dean. Listen. 1233 01:15:12,742 --> 01:15:15,267 You take care of yourseIf. 1234 01:15:16,679 --> 01:15:18,772 You too. Okay. 1235 01:15:32,328 --> 01:15:33,989 How much did he Ieave you? 1236 01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:37,158 He must have made a mistake. 1237 01:15:52,081 --> 01:15:54,811 Chet, Chet. I think you made a mistake. 1238 01:15:54,917 --> 01:15:57,750 - You gave me a hundred doIIar biII. - No, it's aII there. 1239 01:15:57,853 --> 01:16:02,881 - We're straight. - The check's onIy $31. That's Iike a $70 tip. 1240 01:16:02,992 --> 01:16:07,190 Look, I just thought maybe you needed it more than I do. 1241 01:16:23,646 --> 01:16:25,170 Hey! Dean. 1242 01:16:28,284 --> 01:16:31,082 Have you thought about it? 1243 01:16:31,187 --> 01:16:33,348 You want that assistant manager job? 1244 01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:42,996 - 'Weiser? - No, thanks. 1245 01:16:52,942 --> 01:16:54,739 Look- 1246 01:16:55,878 --> 01:16:57,903 HeIIo? Hey, Christy. 1247 01:16:58,013 --> 01:16:59,378 What's up? 1248 01:17:00,649 --> 01:17:02,241 No, I'm not. No, I was just- 1249 01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:05,544 Oh. 1250 01:17:07,490 --> 01:17:09,890 Yeah, I'II see you tomorrow, then. 1251 01:17:09,992 --> 01:17:12,256 Okay. Bye. Bye. 1252 01:17:12,361 --> 01:17:14,226 Bye. 1253 01:17:15,397 --> 01:17:19,697 - What's up with Christy? - Oh, she's- 1254 01:17:19,802 --> 01:17:21,895 She's on a date. 1255 01:17:22,004 --> 01:17:24,598 That's why she wanted me to cover her shift. 1256 01:17:24,707 --> 01:17:26,470 She's- She's stiII with him. 1257 01:17:26,575 --> 01:17:29,840 God, that's it. 1258 01:17:29,945 --> 01:17:32,846 I'm gonna- I'm gonna change. 1259 01:17:32,948 --> 01:17:34,540 WeII, good. 1260 01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:36,618 You shouId start tonight. 1261 01:17:36,719 --> 01:17:40,416 - Go get one of those high schooI girIs. - You think? 1262 01:17:40,523 --> 01:17:43,583 Mitch, I want you to know that you did a reaIIy great job today. 1263 01:17:43,692 --> 01:17:48,186 And you didn't even cry once, which is more than I can say for my Iast trainee. 1264 01:17:48,297 --> 01:17:53,200 So, honestIy, you think you can handIe working here? 1265 01:17:55,437 --> 01:17:59,237 - Yeah- - Hey, fuck off for a second. I'II be right back. 1266 01:18:01,443 --> 01:18:03,968 Hey, whoa. Amy caIIed, she toId me what happened. 1267 01:18:04,079 --> 01:18:06,309 You know what? Fuck Chet MiIIer. 1268 01:18:06,415 --> 01:18:08,440 Hey, man, reIax. 1269 01:18:08,551 --> 01:18:10,109 AII right? ReIax. I'm okay. 1270 01:18:10,219 --> 01:18:11,345 You serious? 1271 01:18:11,453 --> 01:18:14,320 - I'd be ready to kiII someone. - No, you know what? 1272 01:18:14,423 --> 01:18:16,414 I'm gIad he came in. I reaIIy am. 1273 01:18:16,525 --> 01:18:20,359 Yeah, he was a prick, and at first I was so fucking pissed off, 1274 01:18:20,462 --> 01:18:22,589 but it was weird. 1275 01:18:22,698 --> 01:18:26,225 In one second, it aII just kind of snapped into perspective. 1276 01:18:26,335 --> 01:18:29,827 PIease, eIaborate. Did you taIk to Dan? 1277 01:18:29,939 --> 01:18:33,375 Do you want the assistant manager job? 1278 01:18:34,476 --> 01:18:35,443 No. 1279 01:18:36,712 --> 01:18:37,838 I quit. 1280 01:18:37,947 --> 01:18:39,676 What? 1281 01:18:39,782 --> 01:18:42,774 You know, I thought about it. I thought a Iot about it 1282 01:18:42,885 --> 01:18:45,410 and I know I don't wanna wait tabIes anymore. 1283 01:18:45,521 --> 01:18:47,284 This is aII temporary. 1284 01:18:47,389 --> 01:18:49,323 This is supposed to be the in-between time. 1285 01:18:49,425 --> 01:18:51,757 If I become an assistant manager, 1286 01:18:51,860 --> 01:18:54,260 it's just one more step towards permanence. 1287 01:18:54,363 --> 01:18:55,887 Fuck that, man. No way. 1288 01:18:55,998 --> 01:18:58,990 So you've reaIIy... 1289 01:19:02,504 --> 01:19:05,905 What did Dan say when you toId him you quit? 1290 01:19:06,008 --> 01:19:10,240 You're fIushing a goIden opportunity down the toiIet. 1291 01:19:10,346 --> 01:19:13,338 And just so you know, Hot Dog, 1292 01:19:13,449 --> 01:19:16,976 if you do come back, this job won't be here for you. 1293 01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:18,849 - I hope you're right. - I am right! 1294 01:19:18,954 --> 01:19:22,481 - You're fired! - I mean, I aIready quit, so- 1295 01:19:22,591 --> 01:19:24,286 No, you're fired! 1296 01:19:24,393 --> 01:19:26,452 I write the book, okay? 1297 01:19:26,562 --> 01:19:28,826 Here's how it went down. You waIked in- 1298 01:19:28,931 --> 01:19:30,455 You're fired! 1299 01:19:30,566 --> 01:19:33,694 AII right. Then, thanks for being so mature about this and professionaI. 1300 01:19:33,802 --> 01:19:35,895 I was very professionaI. You're fired. 1301 01:19:36,005 --> 01:19:37,097 AII right. 1302 01:19:37,206 --> 01:19:40,198 Get out! Get out of my sight! 1303 01:19:40,409 --> 01:19:42,775 - That's harsh. - Yeah. 1304 01:19:42,878 --> 01:19:45,244 He'II be cryin' himseIf to sIeep tonight on his cock-shaped piIIow. 1305 01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:49,406 What are you gonna do now? 1306 01:19:49,518 --> 01:19:51,418 I don't know. 1307 01:19:52,521 --> 01:19:54,148 I don't know. 1308 01:19:55,391 --> 01:19:57,325 I'm definiteIy gonna do somethin'. 1309 01:19:57,426 --> 01:19:59,257 Fuck it. 1310 01:19:59,361 --> 01:20:01,124 Let's go out there, Iet's ceIebrate, 1311 01:20:01,230 --> 01:20:04,757 Iet's just get totaIIy fucking annihiIated, hammered-ass drunk 1312 01:20:04,867 --> 01:20:07,062 and then run the train on Amy. 1313 01:20:07,169 --> 01:20:08,136 Fuck. 1314 01:20:08,237 --> 01:20:10,000 You reaIIy are an asshoIe, man. 1315 01:20:10,105 --> 01:20:11,902 So I'm toId. 1316 01:20:13,442 --> 01:20:14,909 You're a good friend too. 1317 01:20:15,010 --> 01:20:18,776 Let's just keep that on the DL. I'm aII about Iow expectations. 1318 01:20:18,881 --> 01:20:20,906 What, are you fIirting with me? 1319 01:20:23,018 --> 01:20:24,918 Oh, by the way, CaI. 1320 01:20:25,020 --> 01:20:28,353 I've been thinking about your pubIic bathroom phobia. 1321 01:20:28,457 --> 01:20:30,584 - Yeah? - I beIieve I have a soIution. 1322 01:20:30,693 --> 01:20:33,161 ReaIIy? What is it? 1323 01:20:33,262 --> 01:20:36,663 - TeII me what to do. - Okay, but first, 1324 01:20:36,765 --> 01:20:38,323 cIose your eyes. 1325 01:20:38,434 --> 01:20:41,130 CIose my- Okay. 1326 01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:43,661 Now... 1327 01:20:43,772 --> 01:20:47,037 envision yourseIf at a bathroom urinaI. 1328 01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:50,270 With everybody you know crowded around you. 1329 01:20:51,714 --> 01:20:53,944 They're cheering you on. 1330 01:20:54,049 --> 01:20:56,643 They're chanting your name. 1331 01:20:56,752 --> 01:20:59,277 Not only do they want you to urinate, 1332 01:20:59,388 --> 01:21:00,787 they wanna see it. 1333 01:21:00,889 --> 01:21:04,325 - Proud of you, buddy! - HeII, yeah! 1334 01:21:04,426 --> 01:21:07,520 - Fuckin' piss, man! - We beIieve in you! 1335 01:21:07,629 --> 01:21:10,097 You can do it! 1336 01:21:10,199 --> 01:21:11,996 You pissing son of a bitch! 1337 01:21:12,101 --> 01:21:16,060 Now, see yourself urinating, Calvin. 1338 01:21:16,171 --> 01:21:19,299 You can do itl Do itl 1339 01:21:19,408 --> 01:21:21,171 Do it. 1340 01:21:36,091 --> 01:21:37,956 It's historicl 1341 01:21:38,060 --> 01:21:41,757 So, go ahead and visuaI that for the next few weeks. 1342 01:21:41,864 --> 01:21:44,230 Start off at home first, by yourseIf. 1343 01:21:44,333 --> 01:21:46,563 Then you can move to a staII, 1344 01:21:46,668 --> 01:21:49,865 and then eventuaIIy to an actuaI urinaI. 1345 01:21:51,140 --> 01:21:53,108 Thanks, Bishop. I mean it. 1346 01:21:53,208 --> 01:21:54,835 That totaIIy makes sense. 1347 01:21:54,943 --> 01:21:58,174 Look, weII, you guys, I'm feeIin' good. 1348 01:21:58,280 --> 01:22:01,738 You know what? I'm gonna go taIk to one of those high schooI girIs. 1349 01:22:01,850 --> 01:22:03,875 - WeII, good Iuck with that. - Thank you. 1350 01:22:12,628 --> 01:22:14,562 So, what grade are you in? 1351 01:22:16,465 --> 01:22:18,660 Oh, Iook at that. A bedroom. 1352 01:22:31,513 --> 01:22:32,571 No. 1353 01:22:32,681 --> 01:22:35,206 What? What do you mean? 1354 01:22:35,317 --> 01:22:38,582 You start pIaying this weird, ambivaIence buIIshit, and it makes me feeI psycho. 1355 01:22:38,687 --> 01:22:40,086 And I never get psycho! 1356 01:22:40,189 --> 01:22:41,713 I know. 1357 01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:45,426 So I need you to do me a favor. 1358 01:22:45,527 --> 01:22:47,961 I need you to not be such a pussy. 1359 01:22:48,063 --> 01:22:51,430 Wow, there's the sass that I was missin'. 1360 01:22:51,533 --> 01:22:54,627 - You're a fIake. - I know I'm a fIake! 1361 01:22:54,736 --> 01:22:56,897 - Fuck you! - You can't even get a boner. 1362 01:22:57,005 --> 01:22:58,802 Whoa, sorry to interrupt. 1363 01:22:58,907 --> 01:23:01,137 Wait. Hey, Bishop. 1364 01:23:01,243 --> 01:23:03,905 I created my own penis-showing game. 1365 01:23:05,881 --> 01:23:07,542 So you quit your job. 1366 01:23:08,650 --> 01:23:10,140 How'd you know I quit? 1367 01:23:14,556 --> 01:23:15,853 Wow. 1368 01:23:21,230 --> 01:23:22,720 Are you okay? 1369 01:23:23,765 --> 01:23:25,426 Is somethin' wrong? 1370 01:23:28,303 --> 01:23:30,669 Just checking. 1371 01:23:44,620 --> 01:23:46,952 Wait. Wait, wait. 1372 01:23:48,023 --> 01:23:49,581 What? 1373 01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:53,821 You turn 18 next Wednesday, right? 1374 01:23:54,963 --> 01:23:56,897 Yeah. 1375 01:23:56,999 --> 01:23:58,523 Okay, then- 1376 01:23:58,634 --> 01:24:01,068 Why don't we make this 1377 01:24:01,169 --> 01:24:03,000 a ''to be continued... 1378 01:24:04,306 --> 01:24:06,604 untiI next Wednesday''? 1379 01:24:06,708 --> 01:24:10,109 Why? Do you think I'm gonna turn you in? 1380 01:24:10,212 --> 01:24:12,840 - You think you're going to get arrested? - No, no, no. 1381 01:24:12,948 --> 01:24:16,850 I just- I feeI Iike I don't wanna be- 1382 01:24:16,952 --> 01:24:18,647 taking ad- 1383 01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:24,749 - Let's just wait the week. - Okay. 1384 01:24:24,860 --> 01:24:26,293 Okay. 1385 01:24:29,665 --> 01:24:33,101 But if anybody asks, anybody at aII, 1386 01:24:33,201 --> 01:24:34,793 I fucked you. 1387 01:24:36,872 --> 01:24:38,499 Twice! 1388 01:24:40,809 --> 01:24:43,369 So, Mitch, how was your first day? 1389 01:24:46,248 --> 01:24:47,806 WeII? 1390 01:24:48,984 --> 01:24:50,110 WeII, it was- 1391 01:24:50,218 --> 01:24:53,244 I remember my first day. 1392 01:24:53,355 --> 01:24:55,619 What a doozy, huh? Bishop, you're gonna Iove this. 1393 01:24:55,724 --> 01:24:59,182 I was so nervous I dropped this bowI of soup on a nun. 1394 01:24:59,294 --> 01:25:01,421 Hey, turn down the music for a minute. 1395 01:25:02,531 --> 01:25:06,661 - Hey, wouId you turn down the music? - Dude, chiII. 1396 01:25:06,768 --> 01:25:09,794 WouId you turn down the fucking music for a minute! Jesus! 1397 01:25:09,905 --> 01:25:12,635 This is fucking buIIshit! 1398 01:25:12,741 --> 01:25:16,609 I have been here aII goddamned day and you haven't Iet me say one thing! 1399 01:25:16,712 --> 01:25:17,872 None of you! 1400 01:25:17,980 --> 01:25:20,710 - WeII, damn, Mitch, I- - Oh, no, asshoIe! 1401 01:25:20,816 --> 01:25:24,912 You shut the fuck up now. It's my turn to taIk! 1402 01:25:25,020 --> 01:25:27,648 You're aII fucked in the head! AII of you! I mean you- 1403 01:25:27,756 --> 01:25:32,853 Change your fuckin' tampon and have another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch! 1404 01:25:32,961 --> 01:25:36,488 And you! ''I don't know what to be when I grow up!'' 1405 01:25:36,598 --> 01:25:38,623 Join the fuckin' army or something! 1406 01:25:38,734 --> 01:25:40,429 Goddamn! 1407 01:25:40,535 --> 01:25:42,969 Oh, and you! 1408 01:25:43,071 --> 01:25:45,471 You know what? You're too easy. 1409 01:25:46,908 --> 01:25:48,273 And you. 1410 01:25:50,112 --> 01:25:52,080 Fuck you, Monty! 1411 01:25:52,180 --> 01:25:54,705 AIways gotta be right, with your IittIe quips! 1412 01:25:54,816 --> 01:25:58,343 We get it, man. You're fuckin' edgy and cooI. Yeah! 1413 01:25:58,453 --> 01:26:01,889 You're the cooIest fuckin' guy at Shenaniganz! 1414 01:26:01,990 --> 01:26:05,289 That's Iike being the smartest kid with Down syndrome! 1415 01:26:06,461 --> 01:26:07,860 Oh, and, oh, yeah. 1416 01:26:07,963 --> 01:26:10,022 Why aren't you in jaiI? I mean, 1417 01:26:10,132 --> 01:26:11,793 what are you, Iike 13, 14? 1418 01:26:11,900 --> 01:26:13,800 She's aImost 18. 1419 01:26:13,902 --> 01:26:16,427 You know what? Fuck this! 1420 01:26:16,538 --> 01:26:18,028 You aII suck. I quit. 1421 01:26:22,344 --> 01:26:24,312 Oh, yeah. 1422 01:26:24,413 --> 01:26:26,847 There is one more thing. 1423 01:26:29,184 --> 01:26:30,173 You. 1424 01:26:32,487 --> 01:26:34,682 You are the biggest piece of shit 1425 01:26:34,790 --> 01:26:37,486 in this entire restaurant. 1426 01:26:37,592 --> 01:26:39,526 And I hope you burn in heII. 1427 01:26:39,628 --> 01:26:44,031 Me? What the fuck did I do to you, man? 1428 01:26:44,132 --> 01:26:45,497 SeriousIy? 1429 01:26:46,802 --> 01:26:48,895 Oh, shit! 1430 01:26:49,004 --> 01:26:53,338 The goat! The goat, you bastard! 1431 01:26:55,177 --> 01:26:57,236 Fuckin' faggots. 1432 01:26:59,281 --> 01:27:01,647 That was the shit! 1433 01:27:01,850 --> 01:27:04,410 Mitch! Mitch! Stop, pIease. 1434 01:27:04,519 --> 01:27:05,645 Look, Iook. Stop, stop. 1435 01:27:05,754 --> 01:27:07,381 Okay, I am sorry, 1436 01:27:07,489 --> 01:27:10,014 and I hereby swear my undying aIIegiance to you. 1437 01:27:10,125 --> 01:27:12,355 You are the fucking man. 1438 01:27:13,628 --> 01:27:15,926 Now, come back to the party. 1439 01:27:16,031 --> 01:27:17,794 PIease? 1440 01:27:19,267 --> 01:27:22,794 I swear to God, I'II never underestimate you again. 1441 01:27:25,640 --> 01:27:28,074 - AII right. - Okay. 1442 01:27:28,176 --> 01:27:29,575 AII right. 1443 01:27:29,678 --> 01:27:32,647 Dean, you've been repIaced. 1444 01:27:34,049 --> 01:27:35,949 Fuck! 1445 01:27:36,051 --> 01:27:37,609 AII right, everybody, Iisten up. 1446 01:27:37,719 --> 01:27:40,313 From here on out, Mitch is a made man. 1447 01:27:40,422 --> 01:27:44,552 Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog wiII fucking fuck you! 1448 01:27:46,528 --> 01:27:49,361 Let's taIk about that T-Dog one more time! 1449 01:27:49,464 --> 01:27:50,726 Shut up! 1450 01:27:52,300 --> 01:27:53,324 What's that? 1451 01:27:56,438 --> 01:27:57,427 Don't do that! 1452 01:27:59,274 --> 01:28:01,572 Yo, man, yo! Yo! Beer run, man. 1453 01:28:35,076 --> 01:28:36,475 Why the heII wouId you do that? 1454 01:28:36,578 --> 01:28:41,311 - He's a fucking manager. - WeII, he asked, so, I- 1455 01:28:45,020 --> 01:28:47,284 You Iost major cooI points for this. 1456 01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:54,360 What the heII are you doing here? 1457 01:28:56,231 --> 01:29:00,224 Yo! What you doin'? 1458 01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:02,235 - What's up? How you doin'? - Those Iook heavy. 1459 01:29:02,337 --> 01:29:04,237 No, I think you can make it. 1460 01:29:04,339 --> 01:29:07,308 - AsshoIe. - Shenaniganz. 1461 01:29:07,409 --> 01:29:10,640 You bring my goddamn gift certificates? 1462 01:29:12,480 --> 01:29:15,506 Is...Natasha...here? 1463 01:29:21,556 --> 01:29:24,150 Okay. Yeah. They got me. 1464 01:29:24,259 --> 01:29:26,352 AII right. Okay. 1465 01:29:27,829 --> 01:29:30,263 You- One week! 1466 01:30:15,844 --> 01:30:18,642 When you're struggling Livin' off Ramen noodles 1467 01:30:18,747 --> 01:30:21,147 I'm in my Lexus Finger-bangin'poodles 1468 01:30:21,249 --> 01:30:23,740 You call me a busboy I'll bust you three times 1469 01:30:23,852 --> 01:30:26,082 Slice you three times Slice you three limes 1470 01:30:26,187 --> 01:30:28,519 And make you squeeze 'em on your own cuts 1471 01:30:28,623 --> 01:30:31,148 And, bitch, you best give thanks before you eat my nuts 1472 01:30:31,259 --> 01:30:33,625 Yeah, who's that motherfucker throwing pot in the ground 1473 01:30:33,728 --> 01:30:36,390 These bitches used to clown me Now they surround me 1474 01:30:36,498 --> 01:30:38,728 My mom tries to ground me I'm gonna slap her 1475 01:30:38,833 --> 01:30:41,165 I'll fuckin' cap her Don't she know I'm a rapper 1476 01:30:41,269 --> 01:30:43,737 I don't care about love Fuck amore 1477 01:30:43,838 --> 01:30:45,897 Fuck the dumb whore-ay All day 1478 01:30:46,007 --> 01:30:48,874 And then suck my dick all in its glory 1479 01:30:48,977 --> 01:30:51,207 Swallow my nut This shit is gourmet 1480 01:30:51,313 --> 01:30:53,873 I'm hor-nay but you fuckin' sluts bore me 1481 01:30:53,982 --> 01:30:56,348 So fuck you, bitch I'll fuck your mama 1482 01:30:56,451 --> 01:30:58,942 Then I'll kill your papa to top the drama 1483 01:30:59,054 --> 01:31:01,318 Then I'll rape a llama to top that drama 1484 01:31:01,423 --> 01:31:03,687 I'll eat that pussy like Jeffrey Dahmer 1485 01:31:03,792 --> 01:31:06,454 I got a gat in my hand A pound in my tighty-whities 1486 01:31:06,561 --> 01:31:08,961 A hit on my shit will make your eyes Chinese 1487 01:31:09,064 --> 01:31:11,589 My wallets are thick and here's the thing, you dumb bitch 1488 01:31:11,700 --> 01:31:13,964 Even my come's rich You fuckin' retard 1489 01:31:14,069 --> 01:31:16,367 I'll pull your fuckin' card You ready, willin' and able 1490 01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:18,871 You call me fuckin' fake just because I bus tables 1491 01:31:18,974 --> 01:31:20,771 Fuck you I'll fuck your navel 1492 01:31:20,875 --> 01:31:24,868 Real thugs pop guns You steal cable 1493 01:31:31,987 --> 01:31:35,855 I got more bush than High Times More rhymes than LeAnn 1494 01:31:35,957 --> 01:31:37,891 Pull out my glock Now you pee in your pants 1495 01:31:37,993 --> 01:31:41,485 It's your last chance, I'll cut your retinas It's your last glance 1496 01:31:41,596 --> 01:31:43,325 Yo, bitch, you're fucking worthless 1497 01:31:43,431 --> 01:31:46,195 And if you backstab me I'll show you what a hearse is 1498 01:31:46,301 --> 01:31:48,496 You can't be fixed by a hundred surgeons 1499 01:31:48,603 --> 01:31:51,265 I'll pull out my heater and boom, bye-bye 1500 01:31:51,373 --> 01:31:53,307 Even when you're dead I'm bustin' nuts in your eye 1501 01:31:53,408 --> 01:31:55,501 Sin, sin, sin I'll stick a dildo in 1502 01:31:55,610 --> 01:31:58,272 While I'm hidin' in the Shenaniganz' garbage bin 1503 01:31:58,380 --> 01:32:00,678 And with the other hand I'll doodle on some napkins 1504 01:32:00,782 --> 01:32:03,478 Fuck you with a loaf of bread and make you cheat on Atkin's 1505 01:32:05,120 --> 01:32:06,644 - Ah, yeah. - Oh, motherfucker. 1506 01:32:06,755 --> 01:32:08,222 I work at Shenaniganz 1507 01:32:08,323 --> 01:32:10,484 Blow me 'cause I'm an OG 1508 01:32:10,592 --> 01:32:13,220 So get the fuck out my dome before I split yours 1509 01:32:13,328 --> 01:32:16,092 I used to have spit wars and now I split whores in two 1510 01:32:16,197 --> 01:32:18,324 I am the walrus Koo-koo-ka-choo 1511 01:32:18,433 --> 01:32:20,697 - So back up, sonny - We got mad honeys 1512 01:32:20,802 --> 01:32:23,202 - We make much money - And don't you dare laugh 1513 01:32:23,304 --> 01:32:24,669 'Cause this shit ain't funny 1514 01:32:24,773 --> 01:32:27,003 Squeeze the trigger Now your head's all bloody 1515 01:32:27,108 --> 01:32:29,736 - We got new rides - Now we'll flip the switches 1516 01:32:29,844 --> 01:32:32,074 - No more dirty dishes - I'll steal people's wishes 1517 01:32:32,180 --> 01:32:33,442 And clock mad digits 1518 01:32:33,548 --> 01:32:35,743 Pump on a blot and have sex with hot midgets 1519 01:32:35,850 --> 01:32:38,216 I love when your cunt is balder than Bruce Willis 1520 01:32:38,319 --> 01:32:41,584 Nick and T-dog, motherfucker We the illest 1521 01:32:41,689 --> 01:32:43,782 Peace out, bitch-ass motherfuckers. 1522 01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:46,224 Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face. 1523 01:32:46,327 --> 01:32:49,922 - Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face. - Bitch-ass motherfuckers. 1524 01:33:30,405 --> 01:33:31,963 Oh, yeah!