1 00:01:22,512 --> 00:01:25,993 Can you believe that? A musical version of "Sweet Bird of Youth." 2 00:01:26,032 --> 00:01:29,112 - Who are they kidding? - Thank God, you wanted to leave. 3 00:01:29,192 --> 00:01:32,752 Can you believe Madeline Ashton? Talk about waking the dead. 4 00:01:32,832 --> 00:01:35,273 l gotta get a drink. 5 00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:50,833 % What do l see % 6 00:01:50,872 --> 00:01:56,152 % That's the question l'm most afraid of % 7 00:01:56,232 --> 00:02:05,353 % One that asks me what l'm really made of % 8 00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:11,113 % What do l see % 9 00:02:11,193 --> 00:02:17,192 % Much more than a reflection % 10 00:02:17,273 --> 00:02:24,793 % A romance with sheer perfection % 11 00:02:26,553 --> 00:02:29,832 % l see me l see me % 12 00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:33,393 % Actress, woman star and lover % 13 00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:37,833 % Sister, sweetheart slave and mother % 14 00:02:37,913 --> 00:02:39,513 % l see me % 15 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,473 % And l like what l see % 16 00:02:41,554 --> 00:02:44,994 % Virgin, temptress dream of others % 17 00:02:45,073 --> 00:02:47,354 % Yes, it's me % 18 00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:51,193 % Yes, it's me % 19 00:02:57,234 --> 00:03:00,473 - % We see you % - % You mean me % 20 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,994 % ldol, goddess shameless hussy % 21 00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:08,314 % Diva, princess lewd and lusty % 22 00:03:12,034 --> 00:03:15,434 % Ah ah ah ah ah ah % 23 00:03:15,514 --> 00:03:18,914 % Ah ah ah ah ah ah % 24 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:52,274 She's sensational. 25 00:03:57,274 --> 00:04:00,634 % That's not me Can't be me % 26 00:04:00,715 --> 00:04:03,995 - % Angel devil % - % You can trust me % 27 00:04:04,074 --> 00:04:06,755 % Mon ami % 28 00:04:06,794 --> 00:04:08,954 % l see % 29 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,795 % Whoo-whoo % 30 00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:22,115 % Everywhere l look, baby all l see is % 31 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,955 - % A contradiction % - % Oh, come on % 32 00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:25,675 - % A bad addiction % - % Knock it off % 33 00:04:25,714 --> 00:04:29,314 - % lnspiration to a generation % - % Now you're talkin' % 34 00:04:29,395 --> 00:04:31,795 % That's you % 35 00:04:31,876 --> 00:04:38,155 % That's me %% 36 00:04:41,234 --> 00:04:43,195 Wow! 37 00:04:43,275 --> 00:04:45,876 Oh, boy! 38 00:04:45,955 --> 00:04:48,315 Whoo! 39 00:04:48,395 --> 00:04:50,555 Whoo! 40 00:04:51,755 --> 00:04:55,915 Wrinkled, wrinkled little star, 41 00:04:55,955 --> 00:04:59,555 hope they never see the scars. 42 00:05:05,076 --> 00:05:07,636 Your guests are here, Miss Ashton. 43 00:05:07,676 --> 00:05:10,276 A Miss Helen Sharp with a gentleman. 44 00:05:10,355 --> 00:05:13,515 - Ahh. How's she look? - Who? 45 00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:15,876 Helen, you idiot. 46 00:05:15,956 --> 00:05:18,516 l don't know. Smart, l guess, sort of classy. 47 00:05:18,596 --> 00:05:21,275 Classy? Really? Compared to whom? 48 00:05:21,356 --> 00:05:25,395 Oh, shit. 49 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,276 Mad! 50 00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:45,796 Hel! 51 00:05:48,276 --> 00:05:51,076 - l don't believe it. - How are you? 52 00:05:51,157 --> 00:05:53,116 - lt's been so long. - l know. 53 00:05:53,196 --> 00:05:55,996 Don't you dare say how long. 54 00:05:56,076 --> 00:05:59,116 Mad, l'd like you to meet... 55 00:05:59,196 --> 00:06:01,076 Dr. Ernest Menville, my fiance. 56 00:06:01,157 --> 00:06:03,757 You were just wonderful. 57 00:06:03,836 --> 00:06:06,516 Ernest Menville? Dr. Ernest Menville, the plastic surgeon? 58 00:06:06,596 --> 00:06:10,675 - Yes. You were so terrific! - Ernest is quite a fan. 59 00:06:10,756 --> 00:06:13,396 - l've read all about you. - That dance number. Boy, oh, boy. 60 00:06:13,477 --> 00:06:16,797 - l can't believe l'm meeting you. - He never mentioned a Madeline thing. 61 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:21,716 - We're both huge fans. - l'm sure he doesn't have a... thing. 62 00:06:21,796 --> 00:06:24,717 Do you? 63 00:06:24,796 --> 00:06:30,076 Well, l'm so happy for you... both. 64 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:33,997 What ever happened to that, um, writing thing? 65 00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:37,956 - Oh, well, um, l'm still trying. - Helen, don't be modest. 66 00:06:38,037 --> 00:06:42,317 - She's a brilliant writer, Mrs. Ashton. - Miss. 67 00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:44,637 Tell me, Doctor, 68 00:06:44,717 --> 00:06:48,077 do you think that l'm starting to need you? 69 00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:50,596 Ahem. 70 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,076 So... 71 00:06:54,596 --> 00:06:56,477 have you two set a date? 72 00:06:56,557 --> 00:06:58,797 - Yes... we have. - No, actually-- 73 00:07:00,277 --> 00:07:04,036 We see the upper eyelid skin incision... 74 00:07:04,077 --> 00:07:07,398 from the medial canthus to the lateral orbital margin. 75 00:07:07,437 --> 00:07:10,437 There are two fat compartments in the upper eyelid, three in the lower. 76 00:07:10,477 --> 00:07:13,037 Oops. Look at all this bleeding. 77 00:07:13,117 --> 00:07:17,238 Needle-tip cautery. Quickly, please. 78 00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:25,797 For heaven's sake, Helen, it was a dinner. 79 00:07:25,837 --> 00:07:28,437 The woman wanted my professional opinion. 80 00:07:28,518 --> 00:07:31,597 Ernest, you don't know Madeline the way l do. 81 00:07:31,678 --> 00:07:35,237 She wants you. She wants you because you're mine. 82 00:07:35,277 --> 00:07:37,677 l've lost men to her before. 83 00:07:37,717 --> 00:07:41,597 She just turns on that flash and that glitter and they're gone. 84 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:44,598 That's why l wanted you to meet her before we got married. 85 00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:49,277 l just had to see if you could pass the Madeline Ashton test. 86 00:07:49,357 --> 00:07:52,798 Please... Please, don't fail. 87 00:07:52,878 --> 00:07:56,677 l couldn't take it again. 88 00:07:56,758 --> 00:07:59,278 l don't know what l'd do. 89 00:07:59,317 --> 00:08:03,398 Do you know how silly you're sounding? 90 00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:06,638 Oh, darling, 91 00:08:06,678 --> 00:08:11,077 l have absolutely no interest in Madeline Ashton. 92 00:09:27,118 --> 00:09:30,519 Mrs. Helen Sharp? lt's your landlord. Open the door, please. 93 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,399 l know you're in there! 94 00:09:33,479 --> 00:09:36,199 l have your final eviction notice. 95 00:09:36,239 --> 00:09:38,239 lf you don't come out, 96 00:09:38,318 --> 00:09:42,439 - l'm going to break the door. - What are you doing here? 97 00:09:42,479 --> 00:09:45,719 l have the police. lf you don't open, we're going to break the door. 98 00:09:45,799 --> 00:09:50,479 - Well, speak! - l'm going to charge you for it too. 99 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:55,119 - Lady, let's go. - You heard what he said. 100 00:09:59,279 --> 00:10:03,559 You're in trouble. 101 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,760 Come on. Open it! 102 00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:25,320 Lady, listen. You have the right to remain silent. 103 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,720 lf you give up the right to remain silent-- 104 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,760 Are you nuts? 105 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,039 Come on. Get her outta here! 106 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,200 So... 107 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,160 What about you, Helen? 108 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,919 We haven't heard from you in a while. 109 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,040 ls there anything... 110 00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:50,880 you'd like to... talk about... with the group? 111 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,321 Yes. 112 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,160 l would like to talk about... 113 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,360 Madeline... 114 00:11:10,441 --> 00:11:11,760 Ashton. 115 00:11:11,841 --> 00:11:13,960 Stop! Stop it! Stop! 116 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,720 No! No! 117 00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:24,480 ls this where we are, Helen? 118 00:11:24,561 --> 00:11:27,800 Six months of therapy. You're not one pound lighter. 119 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,640 And we are still talking about Madeline Ashton! 120 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,321 - You think l enjoy talking about her? - Do you think l enjoy it? 121 00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:37,240 ls that what you think? You better think again! 122 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:41,800 Oh, Helen, for you to have a life, 123 00:11:41,881 --> 00:11:45,161 for any of us to have a life, 124 00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:47,241 you have got to forget about her. 125 00:11:47,321 --> 00:11:49,641 You have to erase her from your mind. 126 00:11:49,681 --> 00:11:53,241 - You have to completely eliminate any-- - What? 127 00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:56,201 You have to completely eliminate-- 128 00:11:56,281 --> 00:11:58,681 You're right. 129 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,041 What? 130 00:12:00,121 --> 00:12:03,760 You're absolutely right. 131 00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:23,121 Yes? 132 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:26,921 l have a delivery for Madeline Ashton and Dr. Ernest Menville. 133 00:13:00,682 --> 00:13:02,922 Good morning, madam. 134 00:13:03,002 --> 00:13:06,762 You look absolutely marvelous. 135 00:13:06,801 --> 00:13:09,122 Hey, wait a minute. 136 00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:12,562 Aren't you forgetting something? 137 00:13:12,642 --> 00:13:15,602 - lt's only Thursday. l'm supposed to-- - Never mind. 138 00:13:15,682 --> 00:13:18,601 l think l need you to say it every morning. 139 00:13:18,682 --> 00:13:20,762 Very well. 140 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,282 Oh, madam, you look younger every day. 141 00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:26,963 Thank you, Rose. Thank you very much. 142 00:13:27,002 --> 00:13:29,042 lt's so sweet-- What is this? 143 00:13:29,122 --> 00:13:33,282 Your tickets for Helen Sharp's book party. 144 00:13:33,363 --> 00:13:36,042 They just came. 145 00:13:36,123 --> 00:13:39,282 Helen Sharp's book party! 146 00:13:39,322 --> 00:13:42,201 - "Forever Young"? - l like that title. 147 00:13:44,802 --> 00:13:48,362 Oh, forever young! Right. 148 00:13:48,442 --> 00:13:51,322 And eternally fat! 149 00:13:51,402 --> 00:13:55,883 Oh, clever little witch. She sent seating assignments. 150 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:59,563 l find it very hard to believe... 151 00:13:59,642 --> 00:14:03,322 that he got up early and made his side of the bed. 152 00:14:03,402 --> 00:14:07,563 - No, madam. - So where did he sleep? 153 00:14:07,643 --> 00:14:09,642 Again? 154 00:14:11,923 --> 00:14:15,763 The beaver has always been of interest to man. 155 00:14:17,803 --> 00:14:20,923 lt is the second largest rodent in the world. 156 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,883 Dr. Menville? 157 00:14:29,963 --> 00:14:34,123 Dr. Menville? 158 00:14:36,563 --> 00:14:39,204 ls this an angel l see before me? 159 00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:43,683 - Dr. Menville, you're so cute. - Thank you, Rose. 160 00:14:48,803 --> 00:14:52,163 Oh! 161 00:14:52,244 --> 00:14:55,643 More vodka. 162 00:14:55,723 --> 00:14:58,043 An outstanding characteristic of a beaver... 163 00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:02,924 is the large, flat tail. 164 00:15:08,763 --> 00:15:11,683 - ls it up yet? - Yes, sir. 165 00:15:11,763 --> 00:15:14,444 lt's in the bath. 166 00:15:14,523 --> 00:15:18,923 Your beeper was beeping. lt's Mr. Franklin again. 167 00:15:29,323 --> 00:15:31,803 Rose! Oh, it's you. 168 00:15:31,884 --> 00:15:34,444 Fine, dear, thank you. Like a rock. 169 00:15:34,525 --> 00:15:36,564 You're dressed. Special occasion? 170 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,484 - Work. - Ghoul! 171 00:15:38,564 --> 00:15:41,403 Dr. Menville, thank God. 172 00:15:41,484 --> 00:15:45,003 - l'm sorry to call at the last minute. - Yes. 173 00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:49,364 He's completely prepped. Our top staff have been summoned and are waiting. 174 00:15:49,444 --> 00:15:51,764 Good, l'm sure he'll be fine. Just calm down. 175 00:15:51,844 --> 00:15:55,084 Calm? l am calm. Everyone is calm here. 176 00:15:55,123 --> 00:15:57,565 - Who is it? - Fernando Rivas, the actor. 177 00:15:57,644 --> 00:16:01,685 He drowned in his hot tub. Very bloated, very swollen. 178 00:16:01,764 --> 00:16:04,764 He was making love to his new fiancee. 179 00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:07,845 Eighteen years old, from Cuba. 180 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,565 He's got this expression of happiness that is completely inappropriate. 181 00:16:10,644 --> 00:16:14,684 Thank you, Mr. Franklin, we'll see if we can't give him a little character, 182 00:16:14,764 --> 00:16:17,323 - a little depth. - Depth? 183 00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:21,724 Oh, no, Dr. Menville, you can't give him any character or depth. 184 00:16:21,805 --> 00:16:24,725 People have to recognize him. 185 00:16:24,804 --> 00:16:28,524 - Good afternoon, Miss Ashton. - 3:00 with Anna. 186 00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:30,565 Yes, l know. You may go down. 187 00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:40,405 Miss Ashton, how are you? So good to see you! 188 00:16:40,445 --> 00:16:44,405 Listen, l've got a really important party tonight. 189 00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:47,605 Really important. You understand? 190 00:16:47,644 --> 00:16:51,124 You will be the best one! 191 00:16:51,165 --> 00:16:53,685 l have to be better than that. 192 00:16:53,765 --> 00:16:55,805 l am sorry, but the plasma separation... 193 00:16:55,885 --> 00:16:58,405 is a very traumatic process to the body! 194 00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,844 Our policy clearly prohibits... 195 00:17:00,925 --> 00:17:03,806 more than one in a six-month period. 196 00:17:03,845 --> 00:17:06,286 So? lt's been nearly that long already. 197 00:17:06,365 --> 00:17:10,605 Miss Ashton, you had one three weeks ago. 198 00:17:10,684 --> 00:17:14,125 - How about a nice collagen buff? - "A collagen buff"? 199 00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:17,285 You might as well ask me to wash with soap and water! 200 00:17:19,165 --> 00:17:21,965 Tonight is very important to me. 201 00:17:22,045 --> 00:17:25,726 - l could do your makeup myself. - Makeup is pointless! 202 00:17:25,805 --> 00:17:28,405 lt does nothing anymore. 203 00:17:28,445 --> 00:17:30,645 Are you listening to me? Do you even care? 204 00:17:30,686 --> 00:17:33,885 You stand there with your 22-year-old skin and your tits like rocks... 205 00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:36,726 and laugh at me. 206 00:17:43,085 --> 00:17:45,245 Mmm. 207 00:17:45,285 --> 00:17:49,446 l could pay you extra. 208 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:53,085 Something... on a personal basis. 209 00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,845 You know what l mean? How about that? 210 00:17:55,926 --> 00:17:58,766 Money is no object. lt means nothing to me. 211 00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:01,165 Ahem. 212 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,806 l'm sorry, Mr. Chagall. l'm really, really sorry. 213 00:18:04,885 --> 00:18:07,605 Anna, don't talk, just go away. 214 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:10,006 Leave us alone, mmm? 215 00:18:10,086 --> 00:18:13,086 - l don't want to look at you anymore. - Oh, okay. 216 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,165 Thank you so much. 217 00:18:17,006 --> 00:18:19,526 Please. 218 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,966 - l suppose l should apologize. - Oh, no, no. 219 00:18:24,047 --> 00:18:28,486 l am very sensitive to your torment. 220 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:31,727 - Excuse me? - But unfortunately we are mere mortals. 221 00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:36,966 We are restricted by the... laws of nature. 222 00:18:37,006 --> 00:18:39,926 Well, what more could one expect? 223 00:18:40,006 --> 00:18:42,767 Mmm, mmm, that depends. 224 00:18:42,847 --> 00:18:48,047 l could not help but overhear your little joke about money being no object. 225 00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,926 - That was no joke! - l see. 226 00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:55,447 l wonder, Miss Ashton, 227 00:18:55,527 --> 00:18:59,447 if perhaps you have ever heard of... 228 00:19:01,526 --> 00:19:03,406 Lisle Von Rhuman? 229 00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:05,927 Ah... no. 230 00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,847 No, of course you haven't. Very few have. 231 00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,927 Only a select group. 232 00:19:11,006 --> 00:19:13,806 She may be able to help you. 233 00:19:15,127 --> 00:19:18,527 Here is her address. 234 00:19:18,607 --> 00:19:20,887 She accepts callers day... and night. 235 00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:22,327 Eh... 236 00:19:22,407 --> 00:19:26,527 lt is a very, very select group, you understand? 237 00:19:26,608 --> 00:19:28,928 Sure. 238 00:19:31,247 --> 00:19:34,927 l'm glad this happened, Miss Ashton. 239 00:19:35,006 --> 00:19:39,167 We shall be seeing more of you, l think. 240 00:19:39,247 --> 00:19:41,247 Yes, l think so. 241 00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:49,168 Weirdo. 242 00:19:55,967 --> 00:19:58,846 Could you just not breathe? 243 00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,448 Jesus, what'd she do? Hire extras? 244 00:20:11,528 --> 00:20:13,407 Good evening. 245 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,807 Evian, please. No ice. 246 00:20:20,007 --> 00:20:22,288 - Dr. Menville? - Yes. 247 00:20:22,368 --> 00:20:25,128 - Ernest Menville? - Yes. 248 00:20:25,168 --> 00:20:29,288 - Hi, l'm Vivian Adams. - Hi, h-h-have we met? 249 00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:31,687 Long ago. l never had a chance to thank you... 250 00:20:31,728 --> 00:20:36,728 for the spectacular job you did with my Aunt Esther. 251 00:20:36,808 --> 00:20:39,128 Oh, well, thank you very much. 252 00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:41,807 Her color, her tone. 253 00:20:41,888 --> 00:20:45,768 - You even brought out her cheekbones. - Well, that's my job. 254 00:20:45,808 --> 00:20:48,408 lt was almost a shame to bury her. 255 00:20:48,488 --> 00:20:50,648 lt's so sweet of you to say that. 256 00:20:50,728 --> 00:20:53,528 Can l ask you what your secret is? 257 00:20:53,607 --> 00:20:55,648 Spray paint. 258 00:20:56,969 --> 00:21:01,368 You see, you can't just use regular makeup on dead skin. 259 00:21:01,448 --> 00:21:03,288 The pores are too dry. 260 00:21:03,368 --> 00:21:06,249 You've gotta use a palette and grind the stuff in. 261 00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:09,609 One day l'm in the hardware store and l think, "What about mannequin paint?" 262 00:21:09,688 --> 00:21:14,328 lt's got its own chemical adhesive, comes in a variety of flesh-- 263 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,128 Excuse me! 264 00:21:33,408 --> 00:21:35,529 Have you seen her yet? 265 00:21:35,608 --> 00:21:39,569 What a joke. She's not even here. 266 00:21:41,249 --> 00:21:45,249 - Oh, look over there. - Wh-- 267 00:21:45,328 --> 00:21:49,769 Oh, looks as though she's lost a few pounds! 268 00:21:55,249 --> 00:21:58,328 - We're leaving. - Nonsense. Let's go talk to her. 269 00:21:58,409 --> 00:22:02,410 No. l'll talk to her. 270 00:22:03,809 --> 00:22:08,249 l just want you to know that l am at your disposal. 271 00:22:08,289 --> 00:22:11,488 You can call me day or night. 272 00:22:11,569 --> 00:22:14,129 l did give you all my numbers? 273 00:22:27,009 --> 00:22:28,289 Mad? 274 00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:31,049 Hel! 275 00:22:36,970 --> 00:22:40,329 l don't believe it! 276 00:22:40,410 --> 00:22:45,490 Helen, darling, 12 years! 12 long years! 277 00:22:45,570 --> 00:22:48,809 And look at you, you have a... waist. 278 00:22:48,850 --> 00:22:51,890 Oh, you haven't changed. 279 00:22:51,969 --> 00:22:54,969 Gosh, l'm glad you came. l didn't know if you would. 280 00:22:55,049 --> 00:22:57,410 l spoke to my P.R. woman and she said, 281 00:22:57,450 --> 00:23:00,290 "Madeline Ashton goes to the opening of an envelope." 282 00:23:00,329 --> 00:23:03,010 Those people can be so cruel. 283 00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:06,249 l fired her. Well, l almost fired her. 284 00:23:06,289 --> 00:23:08,490 Well, that was sweet of you, dear. 285 00:23:08,570 --> 00:23:10,530 - Would you mind? - Not at all. 286 00:23:10,610 --> 00:23:15,050 - So, how's it been? - Heaven, it's absolute heaven. 287 00:23:15,129 --> 00:23:17,929 - Ernest is a dream. - l'm so happy for you both. 288 00:23:18,010 --> 00:23:20,770 l often thought to myself "l don't deserve this"... 289 00:23:20,810 --> 00:23:23,850 because it came at your expense. 290 00:23:23,890 --> 00:23:27,330 And that thought made me feel... terrible. 291 00:23:27,410 --> 00:23:30,530 Listen, that was a long time ago. 292 00:23:30,611 --> 00:23:34,690 You didn't steal him. He went to you. 293 00:23:34,770 --> 00:23:37,730 lt wasn't you. lt was him. 294 00:23:37,810 --> 00:23:40,571 l want you to know something. 295 00:23:40,650 --> 00:23:45,890 l have never ever blamed you. Never! 296 00:23:54,051 --> 00:23:58,210 - Do you believe how she looks? - How old is she? 297 00:23:58,291 --> 00:24:00,810 - Fifty. - Fifty? 298 00:24:00,850 --> 00:24:03,171 You've gotta be kidding. 299 00:24:03,251 --> 00:24:06,611 l wonder what her secret is. 300 00:24:27,891 --> 00:24:32,331 - Life has turned out as quite a party. - You used to hate parties. 301 00:24:32,411 --> 00:24:35,452 That was when l was old. You should see me now. 302 00:24:35,531 --> 00:24:38,811 l didn't know you were so unhappy. 303 00:24:42,491 --> 00:24:44,850 Never could lie to you. 304 00:24:47,012 --> 00:24:51,252 l know about the kind of... work you're doing now. 305 00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:53,371 lt's not work. 306 00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:57,451 l would sell my soul to be able to operate again. 307 00:24:57,532 --> 00:25:01,812 - Oh, Helen, l've wasted my life. - No, Ernest. 308 00:25:01,891 --> 00:25:04,651 She's wasted you. 309 00:25:04,731 --> 00:25:07,611 She married a brilliant surgeon... 310 00:25:07,651 --> 00:25:10,332 and turned him into an undertaker. 311 00:25:10,412 --> 00:25:13,251 l want you to know something. 312 00:25:13,292 --> 00:25:16,772 l have never blamed you for leaving me. 313 00:25:16,851 --> 00:25:19,892 l always knew it was her. 314 00:25:19,972 --> 00:25:22,691 She's a woman. 315 00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:26,252 A woman, Ernest. 316 00:25:26,332 --> 00:25:28,532 From Newark, for God's sakes. 317 00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:33,732 l will never forgive her for what she's done to you. 318 00:25:35,332 --> 00:25:37,292 Never. 319 00:26:08,213 --> 00:26:10,492 Dakota! 320 00:26:10,572 --> 00:26:13,012 Oh! 321 00:26:13,092 --> 00:26:14,933 Oh! 322 00:26:17,253 --> 00:26:19,013 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 323 00:26:19,053 --> 00:26:21,052 l didn't know you were coming over. 324 00:26:21,132 --> 00:26:23,573 - Oh, my God, you're not alone. - Of course l am. 325 00:26:23,652 --> 00:26:26,332 - l'm completely alone. - Dakota? 326 00:26:26,413 --> 00:26:29,413 Actually, completely isn't quite what l meant. 327 00:26:29,492 --> 00:26:33,132 - How dare you make me feel cheap! - Madeline, l forgot. 328 00:26:33,173 --> 00:26:36,053 - She's here to-- She's here to fix-- - Who is she? 329 00:26:36,132 --> 00:26:38,893 - l'm trying to tell you-- - Who is the little piece of meat? 330 00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:42,093 She's a friend of, of, the guy who was here to-- 331 00:26:42,173 --> 00:26:45,972 - Jesus, at least lie quickly! - l am trying to. 332 00:26:46,012 --> 00:26:51,453 Look, you gotta believe me. This is perfectly innocent. 333 00:27:04,853 --> 00:27:06,773 Hey, hey, hey. 334 00:27:06,812 --> 00:27:09,053 l'm sick of this shit, you know that? 335 00:27:09,132 --> 00:27:11,694 - l am doing you a favor here. - Doing me a favor? 336 00:27:11,733 --> 00:27:14,893 - l gave you-- - Yeah, you gave, l gave. Big deal! 337 00:27:14,973 --> 00:27:17,573 Somebody told me we look ridiculous together. 338 00:27:17,653 --> 00:27:19,972 How do you think that makes me feel? 339 00:27:20,053 --> 00:27:22,294 You never think about my feelings. 340 00:27:22,333 --> 00:27:25,574 Go find someone your own age, Madeline! 341 00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:32,614 Madeline! l need to speak to Madeline at once! 342 00:28:33,734 --> 00:28:35,854 No. 343 00:28:38,815 --> 00:28:42,895 Madeline. l need to speak to Madeline at once! 344 00:28:42,974 --> 00:28:44,934 Yeah. 345 00:29:23,376 --> 00:29:25,815 Geez. 346 00:29:43,454 --> 00:29:46,935 - Good evening. l hope it's not too-- - Not at all, Miss Ashton. 347 00:29:47,015 --> 00:29:49,615 Miss Von Rhuman's expecting you. 348 00:29:49,695 --> 00:29:52,735 She is? 349 00:30:01,015 --> 00:30:03,575 Wait here, please. 350 00:30:28,776 --> 00:30:31,656 Follow me, please. 351 00:30:58,696 --> 00:31:01,616 Excuse me. 352 00:31:03,377 --> 00:31:06,016 l hoped you'd come. 353 00:31:06,096 --> 00:31:10,296 Make some room for my friend, for Christ's sake! 354 00:31:10,376 --> 00:31:14,816 But... 355 00:31:14,897 --> 00:31:17,296 keep your ass handy. 356 00:31:25,657 --> 00:31:30,856 May l say that l've always thought yours... 357 00:31:30,896 --> 00:31:35,657 to be one of the most beautiful faces... 358 00:31:35,737 --> 00:31:39,137 ever to grace the silver screen. 359 00:31:39,216 --> 00:31:40,456 Oh. 360 00:31:40,537 --> 00:31:42,617 And that husband of yours, 361 00:31:42,697 --> 00:31:46,577 l can only say that his reputation is unsurpassed. 362 00:31:46,657 --> 00:31:48,537 Oh. 363 00:31:48,577 --> 00:31:52,936 l just arrived in town. l follow the spring. 364 00:31:53,017 --> 00:31:55,296 l haven't seen an autumn or winter in years. 365 00:31:58,137 --> 00:32:00,577 We are creatures of the spring, you and l. 366 00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:05,057 Uh-huh. l'm not really quite sure why l came. 367 00:32:05,136 --> 00:32:08,337 You're scared as hell... of yourself, 368 00:32:09,417 --> 00:32:12,938 of the body you thought you once knew. 369 00:32:13,017 --> 00:32:15,417 l beg your pardon? 370 00:32:16,497 --> 00:32:19,817 l am the one who understands. 371 00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:23,577 l am the one who knows your secret. 372 00:32:25,657 --> 00:32:27,737 Who is it? 373 00:32:30,898 --> 00:32:34,257 Madeline. l need to speak to Madeline. 374 00:32:34,338 --> 00:32:36,457 She's not here. 375 00:32:36,538 --> 00:32:39,577 Ah, thank God! 376 00:32:43,938 --> 00:32:47,618 How did you get in? l didn't hear the gate. 377 00:32:49,698 --> 00:32:52,298 l didn't want you to hear. 378 00:32:52,378 --> 00:32:54,418 Ernest, ask me to go. 379 00:32:54,498 --> 00:32:57,218 Ask me to leave this house immediately! 380 00:32:57,298 --> 00:32:59,978 - You just got here. - l know, l know. 381 00:33:00,058 --> 00:33:03,539 But it just took me a glimpse and l was back where l started. 382 00:33:03,618 --> 00:33:05,778 Where's that? 383 00:33:05,858 --> 00:33:09,018 - Don't pretend you're not aware of it. - Of what? 384 00:33:09,098 --> 00:33:13,337 You're a powerful sexual being, Ernest. 385 00:33:13,378 --> 00:33:15,059 l am? 386 00:33:15,138 --> 00:33:16,859 Yes, you are. 387 00:33:16,898 --> 00:33:19,898 lf l never told you before, it's because... 388 00:33:20,019 --> 00:33:23,337 l wasn't the sort of girl that could say the word... 389 00:33:23,378 --> 00:33:26,819 "sexual" without blushing. 390 00:33:29,459 --> 00:33:31,858 Well, l can now. 391 00:33:33,498 --> 00:33:36,418 Sexual. 392 00:33:37,099 --> 00:33:39,579 Sensual. 393 00:33:41,099 --> 00:33:43,138 Sexy. 394 00:33:44,538 --> 00:33:47,218 Sex. 395 00:33:47,298 --> 00:33:50,139 Sex. 396 00:33:50,218 --> 00:33:52,138 Sex! 397 00:33:55,818 --> 00:34:00,259 So warm, so full of life. 398 00:34:00,299 --> 00:34:04,299 And already it ebbs away from you. 399 00:34:04,379 --> 00:34:07,378 This is life's ultimate cruelty. 400 00:34:07,459 --> 00:34:11,019 lt offers us the taste of youth and vitality... 401 00:34:11,059 --> 00:34:14,939 and then makes us witness our own decay. 402 00:34:16,219 --> 00:34:18,458 Well, it is the natural law. 403 00:34:18,539 --> 00:34:20,900 Screw the natural law! 404 00:35:12,340 --> 00:35:14,739 What is that? 405 00:35:14,820 --> 00:35:18,900 What you came for. 406 00:35:18,940 --> 00:35:21,820 A touch of magic... 407 00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:26,019 in this world obsessed with science. 408 00:35:27,780 --> 00:35:30,140 A tonic. 409 00:35:31,699 --> 00:35:33,899 A potion. 410 00:35:35,579 --> 00:35:37,459 What does it do? 411 00:35:37,499 --> 00:35:40,860 How old would you guess l am? 412 00:35:43,660 --> 00:35:46,620 l wouldn't-- 413 00:35:46,700 --> 00:35:49,341 Come on. Don't try to flatter me. 414 00:35:49,461 --> 00:35:51,860 Thirty eight. 415 00:35:52,860 --> 00:35:54,820 Oh, twenty eight. Twenty... three? 416 00:35:54,900 --> 00:35:58,459 l am seventy-one years old. 417 00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:01,701 That's what it does. 418 00:36:01,780 --> 00:36:05,100 lt stops the aging process dead in its tracks... 419 00:36:05,180 --> 00:36:07,300 and forces it into retreat. 420 00:36:07,380 --> 00:36:11,941 Drink that potion and you'll never grow even one day older. 421 00:36:12,021 --> 00:36:17,140 Don't drink it... and continue to watch yourself rot. 422 00:36:18,021 --> 00:36:19,860 How much is it? 423 00:36:22,341 --> 00:36:26,101 The sordid topic of coin... 424 00:36:26,180 --> 00:36:28,780 l'm afraid is not so simple. 425 00:36:28,861 --> 00:36:33,060 The cost, you see, it's different for everyone. 426 00:36:33,100 --> 00:36:36,261 Well, for me, how much? 427 00:36:50,941 --> 00:36:55,861 Well, thank you very much. l think l should be going. 428 00:36:55,941 --> 00:36:58,061 Sit! 429 00:37:12,421 --> 00:37:15,101 Hold out your hand. 430 00:37:18,662 --> 00:37:21,781 What are you, nuts? 431 00:37:21,901 --> 00:37:23,901 Watch. 432 00:37:49,662 --> 00:37:51,982 Check okay? 433 00:37:52,062 --> 00:37:53,902 Fine. 434 00:37:53,982 --> 00:37:56,502 But you must make me a promise. 435 00:37:56,581 --> 00:37:59,341 The secret that we share must never become public. 436 00:37:59,382 --> 00:38:01,902 You may continue your career for ten years, 437 00:38:01,982 --> 00:38:05,062 ten years of perfect, unchanged beauty. 438 00:38:05,142 --> 00:38:09,662 But at the end of that time, before people become suspicious, 439 00:38:09,741 --> 00:38:12,501 you have to disappear from public view forever. 440 00:38:12,582 --> 00:38:14,662 You can retire. 441 00:38:14,742 --> 00:38:17,862 You can stage your own phony death... 442 00:38:17,902 --> 00:38:20,421 or... 443 00:38:20,502 --> 00:38:23,862 as one of my clients simply said, 444 00:38:23,943 --> 00:38:26,742 "l vant to be alone, yah." 445 00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:29,622 No! She's not! 446 00:38:30,742 --> 00:38:32,582 Wow! 447 00:38:57,783 --> 00:39:00,303 Bottoms up. 448 00:39:12,903 --> 00:39:16,822 - Now, a warning. - Now, a warning? 449 00:39:16,903 --> 00:39:20,263 Take care of yourself. 450 00:39:20,344 --> 00:39:25,863 You and your body are going to be together a long time. 451 00:39:25,943 --> 00:39:28,503 Be good to it. 452 00:39:30,143 --> 00:39:33,903 Siempre viva. Live forever. 453 00:40:13,263 --> 00:40:17,224 l can't believe-- Did you-- 454 00:40:17,304 --> 00:40:19,984 Oh... l'm a girl! 455 00:40:20,063 --> 00:40:23,223 Shh. 456 00:40:23,304 --> 00:40:26,464 Ernest, oh, we gotta stop. 457 00:40:26,544 --> 00:40:28,944 l know we-- l know we-- 458 00:40:29,024 --> 00:40:31,304 Really, Ernest. Oh. 459 00:40:31,344 --> 00:40:33,743 Ernest, don't be angry with me. 460 00:40:33,824 --> 00:40:37,064 l'm fighting this as hard as l can, but just-- 461 00:40:37,104 --> 00:40:38,704 Look at you! 462 00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:43,704 She's already destroyed your career. 463 00:40:43,784 --> 00:40:46,263 Now she's breaking your heart, 464 00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:48,984 stealing your pride, 465 00:40:49,065 --> 00:40:51,344 flaunting her lovers... 466 00:40:51,384 --> 00:40:54,624 - all over town. - You know about that? 467 00:40:54,704 --> 00:40:58,144 Everyone does. 468 00:40:58,224 --> 00:41:01,665 At the party, people spoke of nothing else. 469 00:41:01,744 --> 00:41:04,424 How can you love me, Helen? 470 00:41:04,464 --> 00:41:08,664 l've been so weak for so long. 471 00:41:08,744 --> 00:41:12,225 l should've divorced Madeline a long time ago. 472 00:41:14,465 --> 00:41:18,264 By God, that is exactly what l am going to do! 473 00:41:18,344 --> 00:41:20,425 The first thing tomorrow morning, 474 00:41:20,505 --> 00:41:23,824 l am gonna go downtown and obtain a divorce from Madeline Ashton. 475 00:41:23,865 --> 00:41:27,664 - Ernest? - Monday. At the very least Tuesday. 476 00:41:27,704 --> 00:41:31,384 Divorce? ln California? 477 00:41:31,466 --> 00:41:35,184 That's exactly what she wants you to do. 478 00:41:35,265 --> 00:41:37,505 You have no talent for poverty. 479 00:41:43,705 --> 00:41:46,345 You can't let her get away with that. 480 00:41:47,745 --> 00:41:50,665 Then there's nothing l can do. 481 00:41:52,464 --> 00:41:54,985 Oh, yes, there is. 482 00:41:58,985 --> 00:42:01,305 Listen to me, Ernest. 483 00:42:01,384 --> 00:42:05,746 l've thought this through carefully, and it's the only way. 484 00:42:05,825 --> 00:42:09,425 Tonight, while she's asleep, you'll sneak downstairs quietly, 485 00:42:09,466 --> 00:42:13,945 and take one of each kind of wine glass from the shelf. 486 00:42:14,025 --> 00:42:16,345 Then you'll take this Narconal... 487 00:42:16,426 --> 00:42:18,746 and lightly coat each glass. 488 00:42:18,786 --> 00:42:22,705 As you know, Narconal is a very powerful alcohol-base tranquilizer, 489 00:42:22,745 --> 00:42:24,665 so you won't need much. 490 00:42:24,705 --> 00:42:27,266 Tomorrow, l'll call Madeline to say good-bye. 491 00:42:27,346 --> 00:42:32,105 - l'll get her to invite me to dinner. - Why don't you come to dinner? 492 00:42:32,186 --> 00:42:36,025 Then, at dinner, we propose a toast. 493 00:42:36,065 --> 00:42:38,266 No matter which glass she drinks from, 494 00:42:38,306 --> 00:42:42,306 Narconal will be on the glass. 495 00:42:42,386 --> 00:42:45,666 You and l work together. First, we finish dinner. 496 00:42:45,745 --> 00:42:48,986 Then we load her in the car, take her to the top of Mulholland Drive, 497 00:42:49,026 --> 00:42:53,986 call the police and report we've seen a drunk woman swerving close to the edge. 498 00:42:54,065 --> 00:42:57,466 Some drunk woman up here on Mulholland's swerving dangerously close to the edge. 499 00:42:57,545 --> 00:43:01,066 We'll sit her up in the driver's seat... 500 00:43:01,146 --> 00:43:02,906 and make it look like she's had... 501 00:43:02,986 --> 00:43:06,786 just a little bit too much to drink. 502 00:43:06,866 --> 00:43:08,986 We drop the car into gear, 503 00:43:10,665 --> 00:43:13,387 wedge her foot down on the accelerator, 504 00:43:14,906 --> 00:43:17,826 clamp her hands on the steering wheel... 505 00:43:17,906 --> 00:43:20,706 and send her on her way. 506 00:43:31,186 --> 00:43:33,986 By the time they perform the autopsy, 507 00:43:34,027 --> 00:43:36,586 the Narconal will be completely dissolved, 508 00:43:36,667 --> 00:43:39,307 leaving only traces of alcohol. 509 00:43:39,386 --> 00:43:43,626 She'll be classified as just another drunk driver. 510 00:43:43,705 --> 00:43:49,027 - They'll check her blood alcohol... - Point four-0. She had it coming. 511 00:43:49,066 --> 00:43:51,466 ...and think nothing more of it. 512 00:43:51,507 --> 00:43:56,027 The case is closed. Madeline is dead. 513 00:43:56,107 --> 00:43:59,506 And we're free! 514 00:43:59,587 --> 00:44:02,266 What are we saying? 515 00:44:08,387 --> 00:44:12,147 - We can't go through with this, Helen. - lt's the only way. 516 00:44:12,227 --> 00:44:14,387 After she's gone, 517 00:44:14,466 --> 00:44:17,667 you can start your life all over again. 518 00:44:17,747 --> 00:44:20,907 l can start my life all over again. 519 00:44:20,987 --> 00:44:25,266 Oh, we'll be so happy! 520 00:44:27,786 --> 00:44:30,787 She's killing you. 521 00:44:32,467 --> 00:44:36,187 So... it would be self-defense. 522 00:44:36,267 --> 00:44:39,588 Self-defense. 523 00:46:06,588 --> 00:46:09,909 My God, it's back! 524 00:46:19,069 --> 00:46:21,269 We have to talk. 525 00:46:21,308 --> 00:46:24,549 - Have another drink and go to bed. - You'd like that. 526 00:46:24,628 --> 00:46:27,628 You'd like to see me drink myself into an early grave. 527 00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:30,029 That is not going to happen, by God! 528 00:46:30,069 --> 00:46:34,189 - You are not going to take my money! - What are you talking about? 529 00:46:34,228 --> 00:46:37,388 When was the last time you worked, Madeline? A real job? 530 00:46:37,469 --> 00:46:41,629 Anything you had left, you owed me a long time ago. Your face owed me. 531 00:46:41,709 --> 00:46:44,109 You've changed your hair? 532 00:46:46,349 --> 00:46:48,348 What an eye. 533 00:46:48,429 --> 00:46:50,268 Don't wait up. 534 00:46:52,430 --> 00:46:54,630 Cheap. 535 00:46:57,429 --> 00:46:59,749 What did you say? 536 00:46:59,829 --> 00:47:02,188 l called you cheap. That's what l think of you. 537 00:47:02,269 --> 00:47:04,630 Who do you think you're talking to? 538 00:47:04,669 --> 00:47:07,230 You're a cheap, tacky little tramp. 539 00:47:07,309 --> 00:47:09,509 Who do you think you are? 540 00:47:09,589 --> 00:47:12,829 - Nothing like the woman l married. - You're nothing! 541 00:47:12,909 --> 00:47:16,270 - You're a broad! - You're a tragic, boozy, flaccid clown. 542 00:47:16,349 --> 00:47:20,029 - Watch it, Madeline. - That's it. Flaccid. 543 00:47:20,069 --> 00:47:22,029 - Watch what you say. - Flaccid. 544 00:47:22,109 --> 00:47:24,589 l don't have to take this any longer! 545 00:47:24,669 --> 00:47:27,470 You'll take everything l have to give! You always have. 546 00:47:27,550 --> 00:47:29,870 You're not even a man anymore. And l need a man! 547 00:47:29,949 --> 00:47:33,909 A real man, not some drunken, broken-down flaccid undertaker... 548 00:47:33,990 --> 00:47:37,030 who is just as dead below the waist as his clients are. 549 00:47:37,070 --> 00:47:39,750 Hey, l might have more fun with one of your clients! 550 00:47:39,789 --> 00:47:43,109 At least l'd know l'd be getting something stiff-- 551 00:47:59,350 --> 00:48:02,190 Did you think that l was just going to take it forever, Madeline? 552 00:48:02,270 --> 00:48:03,710 Did you? 553 00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:06,829 You cruel, vicious, loathsome bitch! 554 00:48:11,110 --> 00:48:14,230 Please? Please? 555 00:48:16,830 --> 00:48:19,870 Oh, God! Oh! 556 00:48:19,950 --> 00:48:23,791 - Madeline, l'm so sorry. - Oh, help me! Help me! 557 00:48:26,270 --> 00:48:28,470 Hurry! 558 00:48:28,550 --> 00:48:30,630 Help me! Hurry up, you wimp! 559 00:48:53,711 --> 00:48:55,591 Oh, boy. 560 00:49:01,590 --> 00:49:05,111 Oh, oh. 561 00:49:05,191 --> 00:49:07,991 Oh. 562 00:49:09,671 --> 00:49:12,551 Oh, boy! 563 00:49:38,632 --> 00:49:40,911 Oh, boy! 564 00:49:51,272 --> 00:49:53,391 Suite 1110, please. 565 00:49:53,431 --> 00:49:56,191 Helen, it's me, Ernest Menville! l did it! 566 00:49:56,271 --> 00:49:58,471 l didn't think l'd be able to, but l did it! 567 00:49:58,551 --> 00:50:01,552 l pushed her down the stairs. She is absolutely stone cold. 568 00:50:01,632 --> 00:50:04,952 She was saying the most monstrous things and she's dead. 569 00:50:04,992 --> 00:50:07,511 l just had this feeling inside of me that l couldn't contain. 570 00:50:07,551 --> 00:50:10,191 We're free, Helen. But l'm afraid l'm gonna burn in hell. 571 00:50:10,271 --> 00:50:12,992 Her neck is broken and there's no pulse and she's dead. 572 00:50:13,072 --> 00:50:16,551 Exactly which part of the plan were you unclear on? 573 00:50:16,632 --> 00:50:20,031 - We went over it three times, Ernest. - You don't understand. 574 00:50:20,111 --> 00:50:23,792 - Ernest, we went over it three times. - You don't understand. 575 00:50:23,872 --> 00:50:26,032 lt just happened. lt was an accident. 576 00:50:26,112 --> 00:50:28,312 lt's better than an accident. At least it's gonna look like an accident. 577 00:50:28,351 --> 00:50:30,591 - Have you called the police? - No, l called you first. 578 00:50:30,671 --> 00:50:33,953 Ernest, you... poor, sweet thing. 579 00:50:33,992 --> 00:50:38,272 lf the police check the phone records, don't you think it'll look unusual... 580 00:50:38,352 --> 00:50:42,312 - that you called me before them? - Oh, my God. 581 00:50:42,392 --> 00:50:44,793 - You're right. - Of course l'm right! 582 00:50:44,832 --> 00:50:46,752 - Should l call them right now? - No. 583 00:50:46,792 --> 00:50:50,272 We have to decide what you're going to say first. 584 00:50:51,432 --> 00:50:53,871 - Well? - l'm thinking. 585 00:50:54,992 --> 00:50:57,032 Okay, l've got it. Where's the body? 586 00:50:57,113 --> 00:51:00,712 - At the foot of the stairs. - Good. Don't move her. 587 00:51:00,792 --> 00:51:03,232 - Soon as we hang up, call the police. - Okay. 588 00:51:03,272 --> 00:51:06,873 Tell them you were on the phone with me when you heard a terrible scream. 589 00:51:06,953 --> 00:51:09,792 You turned around and saw Madeline fall down the stairs. 590 00:51:09,833 --> 00:51:11,872 - Right. Perfect. - Stick to that story. 591 00:51:11,913 --> 00:51:14,952 lf they check the phone records, it'll confirm what you told them. 592 00:51:15,032 --> 00:51:17,673 - Got it. - What about the time of death? 593 00:51:17,753 --> 00:51:21,233 - Could they prove the call came after? - No, no. 594 00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:24,273 lt's very difficult to determine time of death within a few hours. 595 00:51:24,352 --> 00:51:27,953 - lt's not an exact science. - Ernest? Ernest! 596 00:51:28,033 --> 00:51:32,433 Ernest, you pushed me down the stairs! 597 00:51:37,632 --> 00:51:39,953 Stay away from me! 598 00:51:40,033 --> 00:51:42,553 You bet l will! Animal! Psycho! 599 00:51:42,633 --> 00:51:45,513 - Don't come near me. - Wife pusher! 600 00:51:45,553 --> 00:51:50,033 Don't come near me, follow me or talk to me. 601 00:51:50,113 --> 00:51:51,913 l don't intend to. 602 00:51:51,953 --> 00:51:54,753 l just have to make a telephone call. 603 00:51:58,073 --> 00:52:01,793 l just have to make a telephone call. 604 00:52:01,874 --> 00:52:03,914 9-1-1, right? 605 00:52:07,033 --> 00:52:10,713 You're in the shit house now, pal! 606 00:52:11,713 --> 00:52:13,794 Madeline, look at yourself! 607 00:52:13,873 --> 00:52:16,593 - Huh? - Look at yourself! 608 00:52:20,313 --> 00:52:22,513 Ernest! 609 00:52:22,593 --> 00:52:25,474 My ass! 610 00:52:25,554 --> 00:52:28,874 l can see... my ass! 611 00:52:28,953 --> 00:52:33,713 - Something's wrong with your neck too. - l would say so. 612 00:52:33,753 --> 00:52:38,314 l would friggin' well say so! 613 00:52:39,633 --> 00:52:42,553 Oh! Are you okay, honey? 614 00:52:42,633 --> 00:52:45,314 Yeah. Oh. 615 00:52:48,954 --> 00:52:52,673 Ernest... 616 00:52:52,754 --> 00:52:54,954 what's wrong with me? 617 00:52:55,033 --> 00:52:58,115 lt's a dislocated neck. That's what it is. 618 00:52:58,194 --> 00:53:01,634 lt could happen. l've never seen it happen, but it could happen. 619 00:53:01,714 --> 00:53:04,993 Yeah, so? Fix it. 620 00:53:05,074 --> 00:53:07,754 - How? - l don't know. Just do it! 621 00:53:07,835 --> 00:53:10,674 l wouldn't know where to begin, Madeline. 622 00:53:10,714 --> 00:53:12,634 For God's sake! 623 00:53:18,314 --> 00:53:20,274 Ah! 624 00:53:20,354 --> 00:53:22,675 Oh! 625 00:53:27,074 --> 00:53:30,755 Honey, l think l need a doctor. 626 00:53:34,914 --> 00:53:37,714 - What's the matter with this guy? - She's at death's door! 627 00:53:37,834 --> 00:53:39,634 Doctor, she's at death's door. 628 00:53:39,674 --> 00:53:42,594 Why don't you let me be the judge of that? 629 00:53:42,675 --> 00:53:44,595 What seems to be the problem? 630 00:53:44,674 --> 00:53:47,034 l fell down the stairs. 631 00:53:47,075 --> 00:53:49,714 Whoopsie. Anything broken? 632 00:53:49,794 --> 00:53:52,555 l don't think so. l mean, it would hurt, wouldn't it? 633 00:53:52,635 --> 00:53:55,115 l should think so, yeah. 634 00:53:55,194 --> 00:53:59,435 Maybe my wrist, but my neck feels sort of sore. 635 00:53:59,515 --> 00:54:01,954 Let's have a little look at you. Which wrist is it? 636 00:54:02,035 --> 00:54:03,995 Right. 637 00:54:04,075 --> 00:54:06,795 - Does it hurt when l do this? - No. 638 00:54:06,875 --> 00:54:09,754 - How about this? - Nope. 639 00:54:11,674 --> 00:54:14,875 - Ah, okay, this? - Hmm, no, uh-uh. 640 00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:19,075 - This doesn't hurt? - Uh-uh. No. 641 00:54:19,155 --> 00:54:21,875 Are you telling me it doesn't hurt when l do this? 642 00:54:21,954 --> 00:54:24,475 lt doesn't hurt. l told you that. 643 00:54:24,554 --> 00:54:27,915 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 644 00:54:27,995 --> 00:54:31,115 Okay, what's this you're talking about with your neck? 645 00:54:31,195 --> 00:54:34,395 lt hurts when l kinda turn it, you know? 646 00:54:34,434 --> 00:54:37,116 Maybe you just-- 647 00:54:37,156 --> 00:54:40,755 Okay, right. l see. Gotcha. 648 00:54:40,836 --> 00:54:44,915 - What about shock? Should we check? - lt could be shock. 649 00:54:44,995 --> 00:54:47,156 lt could be shock. 650 00:55:01,356 --> 00:55:03,555 What is-- 651 00:55:12,955 --> 00:55:15,116 What? What is it? What's the matter? 652 00:55:15,195 --> 00:55:17,756 lt's, uh, it's interesting. 653 00:55:17,835 --> 00:55:20,276 lt's okeydokey. 654 00:55:20,357 --> 00:55:23,476 l think that just about covers it. 655 00:55:23,556 --> 00:55:27,076 - Might l have a little sip of that? - Of course. 656 00:55:29,396 --> 00:55:32,996 Well, l'll tell you what. We, this, uh, odd thing. 657 00:55:33,076 --> 00:55:36,116 Your wrist, as far as l can tell, 658 00:55:36,196 --> 00:55:39,435 it's fractured in three places. 659 00:55:39,516 --> 00:55:41,836 And you've shattered, uh, two, uh, vertebrae. 660 00:55:41,916 --> 00:55:45,356 l can't really be certain without an X ray. 661 00:55:45,396 --> 00:55:49,916 But the bone protrusion through the skin, that's not a good sign. 662 00:55:49,995 --> 00:55:52,556 And, uh... your body temperature is below 80... 663 00:55:52,636 --> 00:55:55,597 and, your, your, your... 664 00:55:55,636 --> 00:55:57,836 your heart's stopped beating. 665 00:55:57,917 --> 00:56:01,196 What the hell does that mean? 666 00:56:01,237 --> 00:56:03,516 Exactly! Exactly what-- 667 00:56:03,596 --> 00:56:06,717 l think... l'm gonna get a second opinion. 668 00:56:06,797 --> 00:56:08,477 Doctor? 669 00:56:08,556 --> 00:56:11,156 Well, could be worse. 670 00:56:11,237 --> 00:56:13,996 - l'm gonna examine you myself. - No. 671 00:56:14,036 --> 00:56:16,237 - Sit still. - Don't touch me. 672 00:56:16,277 --> 00:56:20,076 - My God, he's right. - He is not right. Don't be ridiculous. 673 00:56:20,157 --> 00:56:22,156 - This is incredible. - What would it mean if he were right? 674 00:56:22,236 --> 00:56:26,597 You're in violation of every natural law that l know. 675 00:56:26,677 --> 00:56:28,597 l, l, l, l violated what law? 676 00:56:28,676 --> 00:56:30,677 ln violation of every natural law that l know! 677 00:56:30,756 --> 00:56:35,436 You're sitting there, you're talking to me, but you're dead! 678 00:56:35,517 --> 00:56:37,597 l'm gonna get help! 679 00:56:42,197 --> 00:56:44,476 l need a doctor! Room 147! 680 00:56:44,557 --> 00:56:48,757 Hey! Hey! 681 00:56:48,798 --> 00:56:54,157 Respiratory therapist to E.R. Therapist to the E.R. 682 00:56:54,237 --> 00:56:57,797 Where are all the doctors? 683 00:57:03,437 --> 00:57:06,077 No, no, no! Not that lab! 684 00:57:06,157 --> 00:57:08,996 Everyone clear. 685 00:57:09,077 --> 00:57:12,037 - What do we have now? - No pulse! 686 00:57:18,077 --> 00:57:20,877 Where is she? 687 00:57:25,197 --> 00:57:28,117 l'm terribly sorry, sir. l know how difficult this must be. 688 00:57:28,158 --> 00:57:30,798 You don't understand. She didn't-- 689 00:57:30,877 --> 00:57:32,918 This is very hard to explain. 690 00:57:32,958 --> 00:57:35,798 l know it is. How can anyone explain it? 691 00:57:35,838 --> 00:57:38,838 - Where did you put my wife? - Don't worry about that now. 692 00:57:38,917 --> 00:57:41,237 Just give yourself some time to grieve. 693 00:57:41,277 --> 00:57:45,398 - Where did you put my wife? - She's dead. She's in the morgue. 694 00:57:45,438 --> 00:57:49,118 The morgue! She'll be furious. 695 00:58:55,239 --> 00:58:58,478 - Help! - Yes, it's me, darling. 696 00:58:58,559 --> 00:59:01,719 Oh, Ernest! 697 00:59:01,799 --> 00:59:05,799 l fainted and l woke up and it was all dark. 698 00:59:05,839 --> 00:59:08,518 l kept yelling and yelling and yelling. 699 00:59:08,599 --> 00:59:11,278 Nobody heard me. Nobody did anything. 700 00:59:11,358 --> 00:59:13,679 Then l didn't know where l was and l got scared. 701 00:59:13,719 --> 00:59:17,079 lt's okay. lt's all right. 702 00:59:17,159 --> 00:59:20,879 Ernest, l'm in the morgue. 703 00:59:20,919 --> 00:59:23,080 - Why am l in the morgue? - Shh! lt's okay. lt's okay! 704 00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,479 Listen! l understand now. lt's incredible! 705 00:59:25,519 --> 00:59:28,479 lt's physically impossible, but now l understand it. 706 00:59:28,559 --> 00:59:32,478 - They think l'm dead, Ernest. - Yes! But you're not! 707 00:59:32,559 --> 00:59:35,239 ln the whole of recorded medical history, 708 00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:38,399 this has never happened to another single human. 709 00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:42,119 Yeah, so, why did it have to happen to me? 710 00:59:42,159 --> 00:59:45,280 - Do you know what you are, darling? - Uh-uh. 711 00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:49,320 You're a sign. You're an omen, a burning bush! 712 00:59:49,359 --> 00:59:51,959 - l am? - Of course you are. 713 00:59:52,039 --> 00:59:54,839 We're being told that we belong together. 714 00:59:54,879 --> 00:59:58,360 And l'm being called. l'm being challenged. 715 00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,599 Don't you see, Madeline? lt's a miracle! 716 01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:40,601 Oh, my God! 717 01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:08,000 Shit! 718 01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:25,881 Oh! 719 01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:54,081 Formaldehyde. 720 01:01:54,121 --> 01:01:57,281 What in God's name? 721 01:02:26,721 --> 01:02:28,601 Darn it. 722 01:02:33,681 --> 01:02:35,522 lt's just not the right balance. 723 01:02:35,601 --> 01:02:38,481 - How's it goin', Ern? - l don't wanna rush things, Madeline. 724 01:02:38,562 --> 01:02:42,042 Who keeps calling? 725 01:02:42,122 --> 01:02:44,482 - Huh? - Who is that? 726 01:02:44,562 --> 01:02:47,482 l can't have these interruptions! 727 01:02:50,161 --> 01:02:53,683 l'm gonna need you to hold very still. 728 01:02:53,762 --> 01:02:56,122 Oh! 729 01:02:56,202 --> 01:02:59,321 - What? - Madeline! 730 01:02:59,402 --> 01:03:02,641 - l asked you to sit still. - Mmm, what's the matter? 731 01:03:02,722 --> 01:03:05,603 - l need more turpentine now. - Are we almost done? 732 01:03:05,682 --> 01:03:09,082 The highlights of your eyes are unbalanced. Want people to stare? 733 01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:13,802 l can't use kerosene because it'll affect the skin. 734 01:03:15,883 --> 01:03:19,122 Where is she? 735 01:03:22,362 --> 01:03:26,202 Oh, my gosh, Helen! What are you doin' here? 736 01:03:26,283 --> 01:03:28,682 What's that on your hands? Blood? 737 01:03:28,763 --> 01:03:30,843 - Paint! - Paint? 738 01:03:30,922 --> 01:03:32,802 What would you be doing that you have paint on your hands? 739 01:03:32,882 --> 01:03:35,162 - Painting. - Ernest. 740 01:03:35,202 --> 01:03:38,243 Are you doing something funny with Madeline? 741 01:03:38,323 --> 01:03:41,523 - Define funny. - Oh, come on, Ernest. Cough her up! 742 01:03:41,562 --> 01:03:43,762 Shh, shh, shh, listen, Helen. 743 01:03:43,842 --> 01:03:46,122 - We should go outside and talk. - Why are you whispering? 744 01:03:46,203 --> 01:03:50,443 - She's resting and in a foul mood. - Are you nuts? 745 01:03:50,523 --> 01:03:53,203 - She's resting! - She's not resting. 746 01:03:53,242 --> 01:03:57,522 She's dead, Ernest, just like we wanted, just like we plotted together. 747 01:03:57,603 --> 01:04:01,323 Remember? You may have done it alone, but l can't walk away now. 748 01:04:01,403 --> 01:04:04,163 - Not after you put us both in jeopardy! - Shh! 749 01:04:04,243 --> 01:04:08,563 We have to bury her in Death Valley and be done with her once and for all. 750 01:04:08,642 --> 01:04:11,963 - You have to listen to me. - Stop waffling. She deserved it. 751 01:04:12,043 --> 01:04:16,402 She was a home wrecker. She was a man-eater. 752 01:04:16,483 --> 01:04:19,243 And she was a bad... actress. 753 01:04:19,322 --> 01:04:24,484 - Would you please listen to me! - Oh, stop it! 754 01:04:24,563 --> 01:04:27,003 Madeline is not ready to be buried yet. 755 01:04:27,043 --> 01:04:29,483 - She's upstairs resting peacefully. - Oh, fine! 756 01:04:29,563 --> 01:04:31,683 lf she's not dead, you tell her to come here. 757 01:04:31,762 --> 01:04:34,123 Tell her to come here, walk right up to me... 758 01:04:34,204 --> 01:04:36,643 - and kiss me on the-- - Kiss you on the what? 759 01:04:38,283 --> 01:04:42,683 - Mad? - Hel. 760 01:04:42,763 --> 01:04:45,564 - Darling. - What have you two... 761 01:04:45,604 --> 01:04:49,564 been plotting down here or should l say, what else? 762 01:04:49,603 --> 01:04:54,684 Are you angry, dear? Are you very angry? 763 01:04:54,764 --> 01:04:59,203 - lt's alive. - Madeline? 764 01:04:59,284 --> 01:05:03,523 Oh, boy! Helen, l think you should leave right away. 765 01:05:03,564 --> 01:05:07,324 l see a very bad situation developing here. 766 01:05:07,404 --> 01:05:10,844 Dear? Madeline? 767 01:05:20,364 --> 01:05:22,403 l just want you to know one thing, Hel. 768 01:05:23,884 --> 01:05:25,764 You brought this on yourself. 769 01:05:25,804 --> 01:05:30,564 Madeline! 770 01:05:30,605 --> 01:05:34,723 Oh, my God! 771 01:05:34,804 --> 01:05:38,844 - What have you done? - What have l done? Defended myself. 772 01:05:38,925 --> 01:05:41,084 You plotter, coconspirator! 773 01:05:41,165 --> 01:05:44,404 - She's dead! - She is? 774 01:05:44,484 --> 01:05:48,844 These are the moments that make life worth living. 775 01:05:48,883 --> 01:05:52,004 My God, Madeline, that was horrible. lt was brutal. 776 01:05:52,085 --> 01:05:54,964 lt was stupid! The police, Madeline! The police! 777 01:05:55,044 --> 01:05:57,964 What are they gonna do? Put me in the gas chamber? Big deal. 778 01:05:58,004 --> 01:06:01,005 Life in prison? Know what that means to a person in your condition? 779 01:06:01,045 --> 01:06:05,965 - So negative. Let me enjoy the moment. - What about the neighbors? 780 01:06:06,044 --> 01:06:10,444 Neighbors? ln 12 years in Los Angeles, have you ever seen a neighbor? 781 01:06:10,484 --> 01:06:13,445 Oh! l gotta think! l gotta think! 782 01:06:13,525 --> 01:06:15,405 One of us has to stay rational. 783 01:06:15,484 --> 01:06:19,805 l am completely rational. We're going to bury her. 784 01:06:19,884 --> 01:06:22,284 ln Death Valley. You and l. 785 01:06:22,324 --> 01:06:24,685 l most certainly will not! 786 01:06:24,725 --> 01:06:29,644 Oh, no? Pretty strong words for a murderer on the run, 787 01:06:29,724 --> 01:06:33,125 which is exactly what you are, Ernest. 788 01:06:35,285 --> 01:06:38,525 What if the police should receive an anonymous phone call about you... 789 01:06:38,565 --> 01:06:43,165 and find me on the floor not breathing, no pulse? 790 01:06:43,245 --> 01:06:46,446 Ain't nobody can play dead like me, Ernest. 791 01:06:46,525 --> 01:06:51,205 What will you tell them? You're going to be very popular in prison. 792 01:06:51,285 --> 01:06:54,045 - Prison? - Prison. 793 01:06:54,125 --> 01:06:58,165 Do you know what they do to soft, bald, overweight Republicans... 794 01:06:58,206 --> 01:07:01,525 in prison, Ernest? 795 01:07:01,565 --> 01:07:03,525 l'll get the shovels, dear. 796 01:07:07,966 --> 01:07:10,645 And she even paid for the hardware. 797 01:07:10,726 --> 01:07:14,566 Don't you just love it? 798 01:07:14,645 --> 01:07:17,645 Oh! 799 01:07:18,926 --> 01:07:21,406 - Are you just gonna sit there? - What? 800 01:07:21,445 --> 01:07:24,365 - l won't be your accomplice by myself. - l'll help. 801 01:07:24,405 --> 01:07:26,725 - l'm happy to help. - Help me stretch this out. Get the end. 802 01:07:26,766 --> 01:07:30,486 - l'm very happy to help. - Put the body right here. 803 01:07:30,566 --> 01:07:33,166 Today really shaped up in a hurry, didn't it? 804 01:07:33,245 --> 01:07:36,486 Did you ever notice how some days can start out so shitty-- 805 01:07:39,365 --> 01:07:42,366 ...and then suddenly something wonderful happens and your whole outlook... 806 01:07:42,446 --> 01:07:47,566 just suddenly... changes. 807 01:07:47,645 --> 01:07:51,006 That... was totally uncalled-for. 808 01:08:04,806 --> 01:08:09,725 Look at me, Ernest, just look at me. l'm soaking wet. 809 01:08:09,806 --> 01:08:14,246 And there seems to be something wrong with your, uh, blouse. 810 01:08:15,806 --> 01:08:19,766 l have a hole in my stomach! 811 01:08:19,846 --> 01:08:22,485 Oh! 812 01:08:22,566 --> 01:08:25,487 l have a hole in my stomach! 813 01:08:25,567 --> 01:08:29,567 Yeah, and you're still alive. 814 01:08:29,646 --> 01:08:33,286 - lt's another miracle! - No, it isn't. 815 01:08:39,766 --> 01:08:43,006 Ha! Ah-ha! You took the potion! 816 01:08:43,086 --> 01:08:45,166 - How do you know about that? - Oh! 817 01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:48,767 - You took the potion too. - Well, l hardly needed it. 818 01:08:48,847 --> 01:08:52,526 So that's why you look the way you do and you are dead. 819 01:08:52,607 --> 01:08:56,126 - When did you take it? - October 26, 1985. Way before you! 820 01:08:56,207 --> 01:08:58,447 - What are you talking about? - The potion! 821 01:08:58,527 --> 01:09:00,407 - How much did you pay? - Everything l had. 822 01:09:00,487 --> 01:09:02,487 - And that was cheap! - You took a potion? 823 01:09:02,567 --> 01:09:06,327 - Beauty book, my butt! - Wait a second. 824 01:09:06,406 --> 01:09:09,047 l don't think this is a miracle at all! 825 01:09:09,127 --> 01:09:12,367 You're a fraud, a walking lie and l can see right through you! 826 01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:17,486 Speaking of which, as a friend, some advice. 827 01:09:17,567 --> 01:09:21,127 l would stay out of a bathing suit for a while. 828 01:09:21,207 --> 01:09:23,447 At least, a two piece. 829 01:09:23,527 --> 01:09:25,647 Or if l-- 830 01:09:34,728 --> 01:09:38,927 Damn. l just fixed this. 831 01:09:47,088 --> 01:09:49,447 En garde. 832 01:09:49,527 --> 01:09:51,247 - Bitch. - Girls, girls! 833 01:09:51,367 --> 01:09:56,088 Let's just calm down. l'm sure we can settle this peacefully-- Whoa! 834 01:09:56,167 --> 01:09:59,327 You should learn not to compete with me. l always win. 835 01:09:59,408 --> 01:10:01,567 Yah! Yah! 836 01:10:01,607 --> 01:10:04,448 You may have always won, but you never played fair. 837 01:10:04,528 --> 01:10:07,488 Oh! 838 01:10:07,567 --> 01:10:10,327 Who cares how l played? l won! 839 01:10:10,408 --> 01:10:12,767 l'll just be upstairs. 840 01:10:12,807 --> 01:10:17,048 That's 'cause you could raise your legs higher than anyone. 841 01:10:17,128 --> 01:10:21,567 But look at you now! You couldn't raise an eyebrow without surgery! 842 01:10:21,608 --> 01:10:23,968 l've raised a lot more than an eyebrow in my day. 843 01:10:24,007 --> 01:10:26,528 You skinny, phony, hollow bitch! 844 01:10:26,608 --> 01:10:28,608 You've lost your one and only talent. 845 01:10:28,688 --> 01:10:32,048 Which was one more talent than you had, you former fatso! 846 01:10:37,208 --> 01:10:40,729 - Aaah! - Yes! No! Oh, damn! 847 01:10:40,808 --> 01:10:43,808 This is pointless! Wait a minute, this is ridiculous! 848 01:10:43,888 --> 01:10:46,048 We can't even hurt each other! We can't even inflict pain! 849 01:10:46,128 --> 01:10:48,249 Pain! 850 01:10:48,328 --> 01:10:51,848 l'll tell ya about pain! Bobby O'Brien! 851 01:10:51,928 --> 01:10:55,368 Scott Hunter! Ernest Menville! That's pain! 852 01:10:55,448 --> 01:10:58,128 l loved every one of them and they loved me. 853 01:10:58,208 --> 01:11:01,249 l will not speak to you till you put your head on straight. 854 01:11:04,368 --> 01:11:06,768 They were all l had and you took them away from me. 855 01:11:06,848 --> 01:11:09,448 Not because you loved them, not because you cared... 856 01:11:09,528 --> 01:11:12,168 but just to hurt me on purpose. 857 01:11:12,209 --> 01:11:14,129 - That is not true! - Liar! 858 01:11:14,208 --> 01:11:16,688 - You attacked me first! - Me? 859 01:11:16,769 --> 01:11:19,368 Do you think l was blind, deaf? 860 01:11:19,448 --> 01:11:24,289 l couldn't hear what you and your snotty friends were saying about me? 861 01:11:24,368 --> 01:11:28,569 - You thought l was cheap. - Oh, please. You're insane. 862 01:11:28,648 --> 01:11:32,010 Then how come you never invited me to one of those parties at your parents? 863 01:11:32,089 --> 01:11:35,169 Because we didn't think you'd feel comfortable. 864 01:11:35,249 --> 01:11:38,368 - lt wasn't usual for-- Stop that! - l'm trying. 865 01:11:38,449 --> 01:11:42,328 - lt wasn't usual for us to have-- - Trash in the house! 866 01:11:42,409 --> 01:11:45,529 You're avoiding the issue. You stole my boyfriends to hurt me on purpose! 867 01:11:45,610 --> 01:11:47,449 - l did not! - Admit it! 868 01:11:47,529 --> 01:11:51,049 No, you admit it. You look me in the eye... 869 01:11:51,128 --> 01:11:56,609 and you admit you thought l was cheap. 870 01:12:08,729 --> 01:12:13,929 Okay, l thought you were cheap. 871 01:12:18,809 --> 01:12:22,449 Well, 872 01:12:22,529 --> 01:12:24,970 l hurt you on purpose. 873 01:12:25,049 --> 01:12:29,649 and l'm... really sorry. 874 01:12:32,409 --> 01:12:34,130 l'm sorry too. 875 01:12:37,369 --> 01:12:39,530 Ern, darling. 876 01:12:39,610 --> 01:12:43,450 Helen and l want to apologize for that little thing downstairs. 877 01:12:43,529 --> 01:12:47,730 - We've got it out of our systems now. - Yeah, thank God. 878 01:12:47,769 --> 01:12:50,970 lt was so awful hating you and envying you at the same time. 879 01:12:51,050 --> 01:12:53,290 You envied me? l envied you! 880 01:12:53,330 --> 01:12:55,530 - You did not! - l did too. 881 01:12:55,569 --> 01:12:58,130 - Specifically, what part did you envy? - Your grade point for one. 882 01:12:58,209 --> 01:13:01,011 Excuse me. Excuse me! 883 01:13:03,410 --> 01:13:08,889 l just wanted to tell you both that l've come to a decision that's... 884 01:13:08,970 --> 01:13:13,130 very important and long overdue. 885 01:13:13,211 --> 01:13:15,530 - l'm leaving. - You're what? Leaving? No. 886 01:13:15,610 --> 01:13:18,490 - We need you. - l promised Hel you would fix her. 887 01:13:18,570 --> 01:13:20,809 And Maddie needs work too. 888 01:13:20,890 --> 01:13:25,171 - You can go first. - Oh, that's so sweet of you! 889 01:13:25,250 --> 01:13:27,211 Thank you. Ern? 890 01:13:27,290 --> 01:13:32,170 Come on. What do you say? For old times sake. 891 01:13:32,250 --> 01:13:34,171 Please! 892 01:13:37,970 --> 01:13:42,650 On one condition. When l'm done, l go. 893 01:13:44,491 --> 01:13:48,130 You don't look for me. You don't ask about me. 894 01:13:48,211 --> 01:13:50,131 You don't even think about me ever again. 895 01:13:50,170 --> 01:13:54,330 l have no problem with that. Do you? 896 01:13:54,411 --> 01:13:57,611 Not anymore. 897 01:14:11,211 --> 01:14:13,811 - Oh! - Oh! lt's amazing! 898 01:14:13,890 --> 01:14:16,611 - Oh! - Not a blemish! Not a pore! 899 01:14:16,650 --> 01:14:21,091 Oh! Say what you will about Ernest, but the man is a genius. 900 01:14:21,171 --> 01:14:23,371 He is. He's a genius. 901 01:14:23,451 --> 01:14:26,171 - Wait. You've got a little thing. - Ooh! 902 01:14:26,211 --> 01:14:28,611 Probably shouldn't have done that. Ha-ha! 903 01:14:28,652 --> 01:14:31,051 - l think it's still... wet. - Can Ernest fix this? 904 01:14:31,132 --> 01:14:33,051 - Yeah, l'll get him before he leaves. - But wait a minute. 905 01:14:33,091 --> 01:14:34,531 What if this happens again? 906 01:14:34,611 --> 01:14:36,971 What if it fades? Chips? What if it rains? 907 01:14:37,051 --> 01:14:39,091 - Will he come back for touch-ups? - Even if he does, 908 01:14:39,171 --> 01:14:41,051 he's not gonna live forever. 909 01:14:41,132 --> 01:14:43,811 - That's not good. - What are we gonna do? 910 01:14:43,892 --> 01:14:46,252 - He'll have to take the potion. - Yeah! 911 01:14:46,331 --> 01:14:48,211 We'll take him to Lisle's. She'll talk him into it. 912 01:14:48,291 --> 01:14:50,931 He won't go to Lisle's. You heard him. He's made up his mind about leaving. 913 01:14:51,012 --> 01:14:54,371 That's true. We have to respect that. 914 01:14:54,412 --> 01:14:57,811 l know. We'll drug him. 915 01:14:57,892 --> 01:15:00,331 Ern, darling. 916 01:15:00,411 --> 01:15:02,852 My taxi here? 917 01:15:02,892 --> 01:15:06,412 We thought you might like some breakfast. 918 01:15:10,291 --> 01:15:13,772 You know, l was just thinking. 919 01:15:13,852 --> 01:15:17,252 l was questioning myself. l was wondering why... 920 01:15:17,332 --> 01:15:19,972 l didn't pack this thing five years ago, 921 01:15:20,052 --> 01:15:23,412 six years ago, ten years ago, instead of sticking around here... 922 01:15:23,491 --> 01:15:27,332 and suffering every indignity and humiliation. 923 01:15:27,372 --> 01:15:31,012 l'll tell ya why. Because l made a promise... 924 01:15:31,052 --> 01:15:32,972 and that meant everything to me. 925 01:15:33,051 --> 01:15:36,652 Yes, it's all very noble to keep your word. 926 01:15:36,733 --> 01:15:39,012 Ernest? Your drink? 927 01:15:39,053 --> 01:15:42,292 Do you know what they call someone who sticks by their word no matter what? 928 01:15:42,332 --> 01:15:45,292 - At the cost of all else? Do you know? - No. 929 01:15:45,332 --> 01:15:49,213 An idiot. From now on l'm gonna be the kind of idiot l wanna be. 930 01:15:49,292 --> 01:15:52,052 An idiot with a modicum of pride, because you know what? 931 01:15:52,132 --> 01:15:55,652 l finally realized something. l've lived up to my promise. 932 01:15:55,732 --> 01:15:59,013 Till death do us part. 933 01:15:59,093 --> 01:16:03,053 Well, you girls are dead. 934 01:16:03,132 --> 01:16:06,012 And l'm parting. 935 01:16:06,092 --> 01:16:08,213 Cheers. 936 01:16:09,733 --> 01:16:12,333 You know something else? 937 01:16:16,412 --> 01:16:20,333 l drink too much. 938 01:16:22,813 --> 01:16:24,693 What? 939 01:17:02,332 --> 01:17:07,613 l'm glad to see you're awake, Dr. Menville. 940 01:17:13,893 --> 01:17:16,694 l hope you don't mind... 941 01:17:16,733 --> 01:17:20,613 that Harry and Dick had to dress you. 942 01:17:20,694 --> 01:17:25,334 You were improperly attired for the occasion. 943 01:17:25,414 --> 01:17:27,454 What occasion? 944 01:17:28,693 --> 01:17:31,973 l'm throwing a party upstairs. 945 01:17:32,013 --> 01:17:35,494 l throw one every spring for my clients. 946 01:17:35,573 --> 01:17:38,214 All right. 947 01:17:38,294 --> 01:17:40,214 Okay. 948 01:17:46,373 --> 01:17:48,854 - What do you want with me? - To you... 949 01:17:48,934 --> 01:17:53,854 l would like to give a present. 950 01:17:53,934 --> 01:17:56,693 The gift of life... 951 01:17:56,774 --> 01:18:01,054 and youth forever. 952 01:18:07,014 --> 01:18:11,334 l saw your wife and friend. 953 01:18:11,415 --> 01:18:13,454 You did brilliant work. 954 01:18:13,534 --> 01:18:15,374 Show me your hand. 955 01:18:18,654 --> 01:18:21,735 Come on. l won't bite. 956 01:18:24,015 --> 01:18:27,654 What are you doing? 957 01:18:28,974 --> 01:18:31,935 l'm loving you. 958 01:19:20,856 --> 01:19:23,614 My God! 959 01:19:26,135 --> 01:19:28,536 Oh, thank you. 960 01:19:32,535 --> 01:19:36,535 But don't be modest. That's what you do. 961 01:19:36,615 --> 01:19:39,576 This is what you've always done. 962 01:19:39,655 --> 01:19:43,456 Stopped time in people's faces and in their hands. 963 01:19:43,535 --> 01:19:46,535 You are like Don Quixote, 964 01:19:46,615 --> 01:19:50,775 tilting at nature's windmill. 965 01:19:50,816 --> 01:19:53,776 Drink it. 966 01:19:53,856 --> 01:19:56,695 Go on. 967 01:19:56,735 --> 01:20:01,616 lt is the completion of your life's work. 968 01:20:01,696 --> 01:20:04,775 You gave other people youth... 969 01:20:04,856 --> 01:20:07,415 and wasted your own. 970 01:20:07,496 --> 01:20:09,695 Drink! 971 01:20:09,775 --> 01:20:12,816 You'll be able to work again... forever. 972 01:20:12,896 --> 01:20:15,416 Drink. 973 01:20:15,496 --> 01:20:17,976 Drink! Dr. Menville! 974 01:20:18,056 --> 01:20:22,736 You owe yourself another chance. Drink! 975 01:20:22,816 --> 01:20:25,816 Make the right choice! The only choice! 976 01:20:25,896 --> 01:20:29,016 Drink! Siempre viva! 977 01:20:29,096 --> 01:20:31,696 Live forever! 978 01:20:31,775 --> 01:20:34,897 Then what? 979 01:20:34,976 --> 01:20:37,616 What? 980 01:20:37,696 --> 01:20:40,536 - Then what happens? - What? 981 01:20:40,616 --> 01:20:44,296 l don't wanna live forever. 982 01:20:44,377 --> 01:20:48,296 lt sounds good, but what am l gonna do? What if l get bored? 983 01:20:48,376 --> 01:20:50,977 - What? - What if l get lonely? 984 01:20:51,056 --> 01:20:53,096 Who am l gonna hang around with, Madeline and Helen? 985 01:20:53,176 --> 01:20:55,177 What if something happens to me? What if l get maimed? 986 01:20:55,257 --> 01:20:58,177 What if l get shot? What if somebody pushes me down-- 987 01:20:58,217 --> 01:21:00,697 What if l fall down a flight of stairs or something? 988 01:21:00,776 --> 01:21:04,096 - But you never grow old. - But everybody else will. 989 01:21:04,176 --> 01:21:06,337 l'll have to watch everyone around me die. 990 01:21:07,856 --> 01:21:09,776 l don't think this is right. 991 01:21:09,857 --> 01:21:12,416 This is not a dream. This is a nightmare. 992 01:21:12,497 --> 01:21:14,736 You people all have to be stopped. 993 01:21:14,817 --> 01:21:17,377 Dick, Tom, Harry. 994 01:21:18,697 --> 01:21:20,937 Get the potion from him! 995 01:21:26,376 --> 01:21:30,097 - Get him! Get him! - Relax. He won't go far. 996 01:21:30,177 --> 01:21:32,257 Not at his age. 997 01:22:12,658 --> 01:22:18,257 Welcome, everyone. Lisle will be down in a few minutes. 998 01:22:22,857 --> 01:22:27,338 First, l must remind all of you who staged your own deaths... 999 01:22:27,417 --> 01:22:30,138 of our very strict policy against... 1000 01:22:30,177 --> 01:22:33,857 popping up in public to grab a few headlines. 1001 01:22:35,499 --> 01:22:39,338 l won't name names. You know who you are. 1002 01:22:41,618 --> 01:22:44,857 l was just trying to have some fun. That's all. 1003 01:22:46,018 --> 01:22:47,938 Look! There's Ernest! 1004 01:22:49,578 --> 01:22:52,377 Oh, my God! He still looks like hell. 1005 01:22:52,418 --> 01:22:54,378 l don't think she gave him the good stuff. 1006 01:22:54,457 --> 01:22:57,058 Look! 1007 01:22:57,139 --> 01:22:59,418 He's still got it! 1008 01:23:01,218 --> 01:23:02,578 Let's go. 1009 01:23:02,618 --> 01:23:04,898 Oh, everybody gather round. 1010 01:23:04,978 --> 01:23:06,818 Lisle will be with us in a very few seconds. 1011 01:23:06,898 --> 01:23:09,578 Gentlemen, please, seal the room. 1012 01:23:31,659 --> 01:23:34,059 He's going up. 1013 01:23:34,139 --> 01:23:35,939 ldiot! 1014 01:23:53,219 --> 01:23:55,179 Aaah! 1015 01:24:21,459 --> 01:24:23,458 Oh, boy! 1016 01:25:12,500 --> 01:25:14,740 Ernest! 1017 01:25:20,341 --> 01:25:23,140 Ernest! 1018 01:25:23,220 --> 01:25:25,940 - Helen! - Grab it! 1019 01:25:29,100 --> 01:25:31,181 - l-- - Ernest! 1020 01:25:31,220 --> 01:25:33,261 Ernest! Grab it! 1021 01:25:33,340 --> 01:25:36,180 Grab it! 1022 01:25:36,220 --> 01:25:38,660 Grab it! Grab it! 1023 01:25:43,580 --> 01:25:46,980 Ernest! Do you still have the potion? Do you still have it? 1024 01:25:47,060 --> 01:25:49,660 Find it! Find it! 1025 01:25:49,740 --> 01:25:52,940 lt's the only way you'll survive if you fall. 1026 01:25:53,019 --> 01:25:55,301 Drink it! Drink it or you'll die! 1027 01:25:57,300 --> 01:25:59,100 - Oh! - After you fall, 1028 01:25:59,181 --> 01:26:02,061 you can put yourself back together again. 1029 01:26:03,780 --> 01:26:06,861 Drink it! 1030 01:26:06,941 --> 01:26:09,620 - Drink it. Drink it! - Drink it! 1031 01:26:11,580 --> 01:26:14,020 Drink it! Drink it! 1032 01:26:16,101 --> 01:26:18,581 You have to! 1033 01:26:18,621 --> 01:26:21,140 We need you! 1034 01:26:25,860 --> 01:26:28,061 l'm sorry, dears. 1035 01:26:28,101 --> 01:26:30,701 You're on your own. 1036 01:27:08,581 --> 01:27:10,421 So... 1037 01:27:10,501 --> 01:27:12,861 are you gonna be done soon or what? 1038 01:27:14,541 --> 01:27:19,381 Oh, yes! l'm gonna be done very soon. 1039 01:27:23,942 --> 01:27:26,902 That was pretty neat. 1040 01:27:58,942 --> 01:28:01,942 lt'd be better for both of you to get him back. 1041 01:28:02,022 --> 01:28:05,903 - Yes? - Nothing. lt's too late. He got away. 1042 01:28:05,982 --> 01:28:08,182 - Damn! - l said we should go to the airport! 1043 01:28:08,262 --> 01:28:10,822 - You said no such thing. - l knew he wasn't coming back here. 1044 01:28:10,902 --> 01:28:13,942 - You have all the answers, don't you? - Ohh! Look! 1045 01:28:14,022 --> 01:28:16,863 - l'm peeling already! - Oh! 1046 01:28:16,943 --> 01:28:20,342 - Me too! - Who's gonna fix this? 1047 01:28:20,423 --> 01:28:23,102 - We're in trouble. Ernest is gone. - Uh-huh. 1048 01:28:23,183 --> 01:28:27,102 We can't go back to Lisle's. She told us to take care of our bodies. 1049 01:28:27,182 --> 01:28:30,743 - And look at us! We're dead! - Yeah! 1050 01:28:30,782 --> 01:28:33,422 This is so embarrassing. 1051 01:28:33,463 --> 01:28:37,782 You know what this is? This is simply a question of, uh, maintenance! 1052 01:28:37,862 --> 01:28:42,103 Yeah, this is upkeep. We just have to be very careful with ourselves. 1053 01:28:42,142 --> 01:28:44,382 We have to take care of each other. 1054 01:28:44,463 --> 01:28:48,303 l'll paint your ass; you paint mine. 1055 01:28:48,382 --> 01:28:50,463 - Who could have imagined? - Yeah. 1056 01:28:50,543 --> 01:28:53,143 - You and me... together. - Yeah, l know. 1057 01:28:53,223 --> 01:28:56,022 Depending on each other. 1058 01:28:56,063 --> 01:28:59,062 Painting each other's asses. 1059 01:28:59,103 --> 01:29:02,303 - Day and night. - Oh, yeah. Forever. 1060 01:29:02,343 --> 01:29:05,383 Forever. 1061 01:29:12,183 --> 01:29:15,383 We're gathered here today to honor the passing... 1062 01:29:15,464 --> 01:29:19,503 of a man of courage and of vision. 1063 01:29:19,543 --> 01:29:24,263 Now, Dr. Ernest Menville always felt life begins at 50. 1064 01:29:24,344 --> 01:29:27,543 And since we know so little of Ernest before that age, 1065 01:29:27,623 --> 01:29:30,144 perhaps in his case, it's really true. 1066 01:29:30,223 --> 01:29:34,504 Because it wasn't until 50 he met his lovely wife, Claire, 1067 01:29:34,584 --> 01:29:38,143 that he had two sons and four daughters... 1068 01:29:38,224 --> 01:29:41,423 and then like a biblical patriarch... 1069 01:29:41,504 --> 01:29:44,143 began to spread his message of hope... 1070 01:29:44,223 --> 01:29:48,663 to his adopted children all around the world. 1071 01:29:48,703 --> 01:29:53,143 A brilliant academic as well as a rugged outdoorsman, 1072 01:29:53,223 --> 01:29:57,024 Dr. Menville pursued with vigor a variety of pursuits... 1073 01:29:57,064 --> 01:30:00,664 not just to attain some personal ambition... 1074 01:30:00,743 --> 01:30:04,303 but to enhance the world for us... 1075 01:30:04,384 --> 01:30:08,744 and make it a better place than he found it. 1076 01:30:08,825 --> 01:30:11,224 Oh, and that he did. 1077 01:30:11,303 --> 01:30:14,104 The Menville Marriage Counseling Clinic, 1078 01:30:14,183 --> 01:30:17,464 the Menville Center for the Study of Women, 1079 01:30:17,503 --> 01:30:22,864 and of course, Ernest's AA chapter will carry on long after his death. 1080 01:30:32,825 --> 01:30:36,624 ...was for him a delightful adventure. 1081 01:30:36,704 --> 01:30:40,985 Who among us never knew Ernest the prankster? Hmm? 1082 01:30:41,064 --> 01:30:43,345 Ernest the storyteller? 1083 01:30:43,424 --> 01:30:48,744 We've all heard his tall tales about the living dead in Beverly Hills. 1084 01:30:48,824 --> 01:30:54,025 - Ah, but you see-- - Oh, what? 1085 01:30:54,104 --> 01:30:58,424 - You're not crying, are you? - l'm not crying. 1086 01:30:58,504 --> 01:31:02,144 l have... something in my eye. 1087 01:31:05,904 --> 01:31:08,585 - Oh! - Yech! 1088 01:31:08,664 --> 01:31:11,784 Oh! Do you have that number 9 acrylic? 1089 01:31:11,864 --> 01:31:14,265 Look. l put it in your bag. 1090 01:31:14,345 --> 01:31:16,385 - Oh! - l must have dropped it somewhere. 1091 01:31:16,465 --> 01:31:19,865 - No. l put it in your bag! - Well. 1092 01:31:19,945 --> 01:31:22,624 Who could drop a big can of spray paint for God's sake? 1093 01:31:22,705 --> 01:31:26,145 l had it when we left the car, okay? 1094 01:31:26,186 --> 01:31:28,745 Let's get the hell outta here. 1095 01:31:28,825 --> 01:31:33,784 l, for one, honestly believe this teacher, this benefactor, 1096 01:31:33,865 --> 01:31:38,625 this man, had in his own way... 1097 01:31:38,705 --> 01:31:42,945 learned the secret of eternal life. 1098 01:31:45,025 --> 01:31:50,705 And it's here, among us, in the hearts of his friends. 1099 01:31:50,745 --> 01:31:55,465 And the secret of eternal youth right here... 1100 01:31:55,505 --> 01:32:00,306 in the lives of his children and his grandchildren. 1101 01:32:00,385 --> 01:32:04,505 lt is my opinion that our beloved Ernest... 1102 01:32:04,586 --> 01:32:08,185 is one man who will indeed... 1103 01:32:08,265 --> 01:32:12,705 live forever. 1104 01:32:12,786 --> 01:32:16,185 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1105 01:32:16,265 --> 01:32:18,865 What'd you do with that spray paint can? 1106 01:32:18,905 --> 01:32:22,226 Come on. Get off that. Let me see what kind of a mess you've made of yourself. 1107 01:32:24,905 --> 01:32:26,825 Oh, yeah, you're all runny. 1108 01:32:26,906 --> 01:32:30,866 - l must look ridiculous. - No, l don't think anyone will notice. 1109 01:32:30,906 --> 01:32:33,866 But l think you're gonna need a little bondo on the chin, babe. 1110 01:32:33,946 --> 01:32:36,425 - l gotta get to the hardware store. - Oh, now, come on! 1111 01:32:36,506 --> 01:32:38,586 How could you have lost an entire can of spray paint? 1112 01:32:38,665 --> 01:32:41,545 Why do l have to carry everything? You get to carry a baby purse. 1113 01:32:41,626 --> 01:32:43,947 - Where did you see it last? - lf l knew, l'd know where it was. 1114 01:32:44,026 --> 01:32:46,906 - An entire can of spray paint. - Get off it! 1115 01:32:46,985 --> 01:32:49,386 Has that ever worked? When you ask me where l last saw something? 1116 01:32:49,465 --> 01:32:52,266 Yes. When you lost your index finger. 1117 01:32:52,345 --> 01:32:55,626 - l didn't lose it. lt broke off. - That's because you crack-- 1118 01:32:57,866 --> 01:33:01,105 Help me! My legs aren't working! Help me! 1119 01:33:31,586 --> 01:33:34,986 Do you remember where you parked the car? 1120 01:33:35,986 --> 01:33:40,987 Odwied� www.NAPiSY.info