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Subs by SyncBoss
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Hey, doll.
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Death by shark or alligator?
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Oh...
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I don't swim in the ocean.
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Alligators are in lakes or swamps
and marshes.
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But sharks are only in the ocean.
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You can't change the rules, Jase.
You gotta pick.
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The rules presume
that both deaths could occur.
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They can.
You can't mitigate risk to zero.
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I can mitigate risk to zero on shark
death if I never get into the ocean.
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Unless you're in a plane
that goes down in the ocean
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and you don't die on impact.
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Okay, fine. Shark. It's faster.
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Alligators drown you before they eat you.
So, there. Shark. Okay?
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- You happy?
- Yes.
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You wanna come up?
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- Is Katherine there?
- Yeah.
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- Then, no thank you.
- No, it's fine. Come up. She...
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I'm going to break up with her
soon anyway.
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Really? Already?
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- I give it like three weeks.
- Poor Katherine.
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She'll be fine. She's got a great
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sense of humor.
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- You're such an asshole.
- I know.
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- You have a problem.
- I have many.
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I blame my parents.
Why are you whispering by the way?
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Oh, there's a guy in my bed.
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What? Doll, that's great.
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No, it's not. He's like eleven.
He's a bartender. What is wrong with me?
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Nothing. It's been like years, hasn't it?
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- Six months and a week.
- Exactly.
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It's not natural.
Doll, you gotta sweep out the cobwebs.
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Thank you for that.
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From your vagina.
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Got it.
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- I think you should come up.
- No, it's okay.
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I'm just gonna take a pill.
I'll see you tonight, yeah?
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All right. Is it all of us?
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Yeah, it's the six of us, and Katherine.
Unless you break up with her before then.
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- Okay.
- Keep me posted.
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- Night, doll.
- Night.
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Thank you. Okay.
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Yeah, that's fine. Just make it a breakfast.
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Can you hold that, please?
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- Gotta stop meeting like this.
- Hi, doll.
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Hi.
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Did you have to wear those shoes?
49
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- Do you feel inadequate?
- Do you feel enormous?
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Fuck you.
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- Thank you.
- Thank you.
52
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Well done, doll.
Did you do this through your boss?
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Yep. And I only had to blow him
like three times.
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And that guy, twice.
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- Hello!
- Hi.
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- Hi, beauty.
- You look so pretty.
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You look gorgeous.
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I think we both look terrific.
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How are you? Good to see you.
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You're all glowy.
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- I love touching your face.
- I love it when you do.
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Jase, where's Katherine?
Is she meeting you here?
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Well...
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- No!
- Seriously?
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I don't know. I don't know.
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- Poor Kath.
- What?
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I forget, what do they say
about commitment issues?
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Is it you hated your mom,
you wanted sex with your mom?
69
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- Come on...
- I think it's hate your mom.
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I thought it was that you're afraid
your mom's gonna cut your penis off.
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Okay.
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No!
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Thank you all very, very much. Thank you.
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Can I just point out that
Jule can't get to a second date.
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Oh, that's not fair, that is not fair.
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I'm trying, I went to the last setup
from this one, brutal...
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Wait, your message got cut off.
You didn't like Russell? He's gorgeous.
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- He's a criminal.
- Yeah.
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- White collar. You can make that work.
- Really?
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- Is that what it's come to?
- Come on.
81
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That is not that big of a deal.
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- How do you make that work?
- It is a fancy prison.
83
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,633
So, wait, are Ben and Missy late, or...
84
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Oh, no. They're here.
85
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- What...
- They went to the bathroom...
86
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- Twenty minutes ago.
- What?
87
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- To have...
- Yes. I believe so.
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- Oh, my God...
- To do... I think that means this, is that...
89
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Do they have sex, like, all the time?
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They have sex
way more than anyone we know.
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Jase has sex a lot...
92
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I do, but not at that level.
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I mean, I've never had sex on a boat
or a piano.
94
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Not yet. Not yet you haven't.
95
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Remember at my dad's funeral?
When they had sex in that...
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- Hey!
- Hi!
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What's up, guys?
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- Hi.
- How's it going?
99
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- Welcome back.
- Thank you.
100
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- Hi. How are you? Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
101
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Good to have you back.
102
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We ran into a couple of his friends
from work downstairs...
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Then we were in line,
a phone call...
104
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In the bathroom?
105
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- Who'd you run into?
- Yeah.
106
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- Our friends, Barbara and Dave.
- Dave and Barbara.
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- I don't know them.
- All right.
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- So great we're all here.
- Yeah, I know.
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Oh, my God.
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So nice...
111
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- Guys, can you believe this?
- What?
112
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Hundred bucks a plate,
and they're bringing toddlers?
113
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Are they even allowed in here?
114
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People, it's Manattan,
we're here to live the dream,
115
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leave the kiddies at home.
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We're pregnant.
117
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- Oh, my God, that's amazing!
- Congratulations!
118
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- That is such great news.
- That's so nice.
119
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- That's amazing!
- I know, isn't it?
120
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- Thanks, Ben.
- Sorry, we knew.
121
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They told us before. We knew
and we didn't want to say anything.
122
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- No, no. We just told them.
- We just told them.
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- They've been busy.
- That is amazing...
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Please disregard what I just said.
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- No, no, we hate those people, too...
- We hate them. We hate them...
126
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- We are not those people.
- These are awful people.
127
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- I don't hate them...
- I love those.
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We are never going to bring our kids
to a place like this.
129
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Or any fancy place.
130
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Or anywhere.
We are going to keep them at home.
131
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- You can't...
- Yeah, we're gonna be cool.
132
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Les will still be strident and I'm going
to keep drinking a lot, so...
133
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I'm kidding.
134
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,364
I'm kidding.
135
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- I love you, baby.
- I love you, too.
136
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We're excited.
137
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Serious, you guys,
everything's gonna be the same.
138
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,780
- Nothing's gonna change.
- Of course.
139
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:20,566
I guess I need six pink and eight blue ones.
140
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- So, 14 total.
- Yeah.
141
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,935
- Wrapped?
- Oh, wrapped would be so great.
142
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,576
If you could do... Oh, thank you.
Hold on one sec, sorry.
143
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,615
Thanks, Steph. Thank you.
144
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,309
- Did you say 1,400 something?
- Yes, ma'am.
145
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I'm gonna get back to you
after I make some tough decisions, thanks.
146
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:42,416
Hi.
147
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,095
Are you looking at what I'm looking at?
148
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,325
Check your inbox.
149
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,900
Okay. Hold please.
150
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Oh, my God.
151
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,305
Wow, that is bold!
152
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,407
Yeah, really.
153
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,004
Really. I was eating lunch.
154
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,200
Is that corn?
155
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,740
But now my appetite's back, thank you.
156
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,908
Sorry. Hey, what do you want
for your birthday, anyway?
157
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:10,714
A great girl with big tits, long legs,
who isn't crazy, or neurotic, or religious.
158
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,914
What that I can get in the next three hours?
159
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,626
- Nespresso machine.
- Done.
160
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,732
I'm sorry, I couldn't get them to a restaurant.
I really tried.
161
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,166
No, whatever. It's the baby card.
They all play it.
162
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,763
But it's not just the baby card,
it's the baby card and Brooklyn.
163
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,500
So it's like...
164
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:31,099
- It's like two cards.
- It's two cards.
165
00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:34,177
- I hate Brooklyn.
- Brooklyn is the new Manattan.
166
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,541
Manattan is the new Manattan.
167
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,173
- Nice.
- I read it.
168
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,548
Well, at least Ben and Missy will be there.
That's big.
169
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,280
Havert seen them since the hospital.
170
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,112
No, can't be that long.
171
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- Werert they at that thing at the...
- Nope.
172
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Thank you.
173
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,555
Slow painful death by disease,
174
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:55,363
or watching the love of your life
die a slow painful death by disease?
175
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,163
A. Definitely A.
176
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:01,601
Much worse to be without the person
you love than to have a slow painful death.
177
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,472
But I wouldn't make mine slow and painful,
I'd get out early.
178
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,638
- How?
- Up the morphine drip. You?
179
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,908
Oh, B. I'm living!
180
00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:13,543
You would rather watch the love of your life
die slowly and painfully?
181
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,611
Well, it wouldn't be awesome
but better them than me.
182
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,418
I got a lot of good years left.
183
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,686
Are we late enough? Should we circle?
184
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,455
Thirty-five minutes?
I think we're late enough.
185
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,454
- Hey!
- Happy Birthday.
186
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,590
We're not quite there yet.
187
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:31,028
Cole, honey, can you just...
Please, for a moment!
188
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:35,039
Alex, can you come out here
for a second, please?
189
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,267
I'm in the bathroom!
190
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,402
Really? Well, Jule and Jase are here,
so why don't you come out!
191
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,779
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Alex.
192
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,576
You know what,
can you guys watch him for a second?
193
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,345
- Yeah, of course.
- We brought some wine, if you...
194
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,284
Hey, Cole.
195
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,612
- I'm gonna open one of these.
- Do that.
196
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,185
Hey, Cole. What's up, buddy?
197
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,123
Hey, Cole, you know what?
We brought you something.
198
00:09:55,194 --> 00:10:00,063
Oh, my goodness, you're huge!
And I like you tremendously!
199
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:02,595
I missed you so much.
200
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,363
Oh, my goodness! How you doing?
201
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,699
Hey!
202
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:06,863
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
203
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,338
- How you doing?
- How's it going, man?
204
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:11,069
- Happy birthday, little fella.
- Thanks, haven't seen you in a while.
205
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,299
Alex!
206
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,678
I could use a little help,
what do you think, huh?
207
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:16,612
- Maybe pick up a little bit?
- I was in the bathroom.
208
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:18,673
Yeah, we know. Do you have to make it
a 45-minute production
209
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:20,446
when we're having guests over? Jesus!
210
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,316
- I was reading an article...
- Maybe you could shut the door.
211
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:23,912
It's fucking toxic in here.
212
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,824
I was airing it out!
213
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,224
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry!
214
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,890
- Oh, sweetie, no. Please.
- I got it, it's fine.
215
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,566
Hon, did we get Jase a gift?
216
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,428
Jase, we forgot.
We're gonna get it this weekend, sorry!
217
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,968
- Oh, shit, we're gonna get something.
- It's fine.
218
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:41,006
- That's Ben and Miss.
- Yeah, we haven't seen them.
219
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:42,197
Ben and Missy are here.
220
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:44,299
- You look good.
- Thanks, you, too.
221
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,902
- I mean, you're... Did you...
- I lost weight.
222
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,140
- It's fucking sweet of you to even notice.
- You did. You look good.
223
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:50,307
- Really?
- Alex!
224
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:53,382
Could you get the fucking door?
What are you, deaf?
225
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:56,015
Did the... Did the bell ring?
226
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,714
Are you fucking kidding me today?
227
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,820
You want me to get it?
I'll get it, I'm doing everything else.
228
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:04,460
- I might have to murder him.
- Do you want me to put the sauce on?
229
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,362
- Hey, man.
- Hey! Oh...
230
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:07,421
Yep. All day.
231
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,196
I apologize for the 50 times
he rang the doorbell.
232
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,434
- Hey.
- Hey, how we doing?
233
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,733
- Hey, Troy.
- Hello.
234
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,569
- Hey. Hi, guys.
- Hi.
235
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,600
- Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
236
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,611
Happy birthday.
I'm sorry. I feel like an asshole,
237
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,010
apparently I forgot to pick up your gift.
238
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,708
Which was already wrapped and paid for
and two blocks from his office...
239
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:26,479
- I'll get it to you tomorrow.
... still couldn't find the time to pick it up.
240
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:28,486
It's a tie. You can return it.
241
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:31,249
It's okay, but thanks.
242
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:35,985
Wait, so who was this guy again?
243
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:38,622
Oh, my God,
he was a set-up through my boss.
244
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,290
I got there, he was 61.
245
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:44,468
I'm sorry, excuse me.
Can I put him in with Katie? Do you mind?
246
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,264
Oh, yeah, the monitor's right there.
Go ahead.
247
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,327
He's fine.
248
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:51,672
- My God, he's fine. He'll be fine.
- I'll put him in there. He'll fall asleep.
249
00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:52,966
He's hungry.
250
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,608
That's his hungry cry. Just go feed him.
251
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:57,510
Why don't you feed him?
252
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,918
I brought the bottle,
why don't you feed him for once?
253
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:02,749
Fine, I'll feed him!
It's not like it's that big a deal.
254
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,347
She acts like I raped her to have a kid.
255
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,730
So, Jase, how's work?
256
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:18,500
Oh, fine.
257
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:21,701
- We're doing the Bud Super Bowl spots.
- Excuse me.
258
00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:23,874
- Pretty cool.
- That is cool.
259
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,940
And that's my cue.
260
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,748
My turn, clearly...
261
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,374
- You need help, sweetie?
- No, no, I'm all right.
262
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:36,947
How's Callie?
263
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,658
Oh, we... We broke up.
264
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,725
- No...
- Like, four months ago.
265
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:47,621
Oh...
266
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:24,495
- Can we get another?
- Thank you.
267
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:28,903
- Jesus Christ.
- That was unbelievable.
268
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:29,963
- Seriously, though...
- God!
269
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:36,804
We don't know those people.
Those people are mean, and angry, and...
270
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:38,174
Mean.
271
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:40,613
- When did that happen?
- I don't know.
272
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,017
I don't know, when they had kids?
273
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:45,454
- Come on, that doesn't make you mean.
- Maybe it does.
274
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:47,319
Can we get a couple more?
275
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:51,322
No, come on, it can't be that.
It can't be just that.
276
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:54,065
- I mean, it's hard, yeah. It's got to be hard.
- Sure.
277
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:55,293
You know, you go through pregnancy
278
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:58,359
and it's stressful
and you're fat and cranky, and I get that.
279
00:13:58,437 --> 00:13:59,597
Of course.
280
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,537
But, I'm sorry, that's what you signed on for.
281
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,404
- Yes, you did.
- They both knew going in
282
00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:05,306
that it was going to be shitty
for nine or ten months.
283
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,366
I know, right.
284
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,675
But, then, you get a great kid at the end.
Like Cole.
285
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:11,409
I know.
The having the kid part's exciting and great.
286
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,007
Miracle of life, people bring gifts.
287
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:15,349
You got visitors, the in-laws,
everyone's around,
288
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,822
people bake things and knit little hats...
289
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,222
Yeah,
290
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:27,129
but then after all the hoopla,
nobody sleeps for what, like a year?
291
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,892
Yeah, a year or two.
292
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:30,561
Right.
293
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:32,863
That'll make you mean.
294
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:34,565
You know
what the hardest part is to me, though?
295
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,631
The part I just can't wrap my brain around?
296
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,273
The loosening of the vagina
297
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,778
and the worry that
your guy'll never like fucking you again
298
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,370
because it's cavernous now, and not...
299
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:43,940
Sorry, go ahead.
300
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,015
No, the hardest part, and everyone says this,
301
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:52,387
is that suddenly you love this creature,
I mean, this stranger, right?
302
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,858
Far and above the person you chose
to spend the rest of your life with.
303
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:59,193
The person you chose on the planet
over absolutely everyone else to be with.
304
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:06,564
But what's the alternative,
just not like your kid that much?
305
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:10,006
Talk about him behind his back
and leave him out of things?
306
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,099
Tell him he's a douchebag?
307
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:15,977
No, this is my point, the setup is flawed.
I mean, think about it.
308
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,278
At my age, even if I meet my guy,
309
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:22,184
I mean, the guy I've been waiting for
my whole life, I'll have, like, what?
310
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,348
Six months to a year of awesome
before we're plunged into babydom
311
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,324
and then it doesn't get good again
for like five years?
312
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:28,724
Yeah, if you survive it.
313
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:35,425
You see? I don't know how you get to be
the most important person to your person
314
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,025
and not miss out on having a kid.
315
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:39,434
Unless you marry a divorced guy with kids.
316
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:41,939
Yeah, but then you miss out on birth
and you're second best to the kids.
317
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:42,996
So what are you saying?
318
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:47,478
You want to be already divorced, with a kid,
so you can meet the man of your dreams?
319
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,680
Actually, divorced people
have it kind of great.
320
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:57,051
They get all the toxic unsexy stuff
out of the way with the first person,
321
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,147
and then when they meet the person
they really want to be with,
322
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,158
they only have to deal with the kid
half the time.
323
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:02,485
Right, built-in child care.
324
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:05,496
Right, they get all kinds of time together
when the kid's with the ex,
325
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:08,897
then they get QT with the kid
because it's special.
326
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,096
- Right. It's like the perfect setup.
- Or you could just not have kids.
327
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:15,764
- Oh, I want them so much, don't you?
- Are you kidding? Of course, I do.
328
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:20,202
- I'm gonna have a kid no matter what.
- Well, me, too. At least one.
329
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,045
Thanks.
330
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,415
- Why don't we just do it?
- Do what?
331
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,579
- Have a kid. Get it over with.
- What?
332
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:33,887
We love each other, we trust each other,
we're responsible, gainfully employed,
333
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:37,360
and totally not
attracted to each other physically.
334
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:39,397
Yeah, that'd be perfect, beat the system.
335
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:42,628
Right. We have the kid,
share all the responsibility,
336
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,397
and just skip over the whole
marriage and divorce nightmare.
337
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,201
I mean, you don't really have
a lot of time to waste, doll.
338
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,605
Get to it, pop one out,
lose the weight quickly,
339
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,439
then start looking for your guy.
340
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,744
I can't really tell if you're kidding right now.
341
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:03,879
Yes?
342
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:05,847
- What if I wasrt?
- What?
343
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:07,950
- Kidding.
- Really?
344
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:10,056
Just what if?
345
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:12,529
Just talk it through for a sec, pro and con it.
346
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,296
Yeah, just spitball.
347
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,800
I never got that expression,
348
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:22,102
how do you go from fourth grade, hitting
people in the neck with small pieces of...
349
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:23,966
- Off topic.
- Sorry.
350
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:28,602
Well, what would we tell our future people?
351
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:31,977
Easy. We dated casually once or twice,
got pregnant,
352
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,916
you wanted to keep the kid
'cause you're old.
353
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,044
Thanks.
354
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:38,419
I had no choice, so we decided
to split custody and remain friends.
355
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:39,752
That makes me the villain.
356
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,487
Okay, we both wanted a kid
but not each other,
357
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,552
so split custody and remained friends.
358
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,330
Better.
359
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,562
What if I meet my guy while I'm pregnant?
360
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,967
Then you say you're not sure whose it is.
You've been dating casually.
361
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:54,938
- Then I'm a slut.
- Okay, all right.
362
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,807
Well, then, you told the guy
whom you only slept with once, me,
363
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,812
and I wasrt into it,
but you were and it's your body, so...
364
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,213
You know what?
I'm not gonna find my guy till post-baby,
365
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:06,342
I need to drink on dates.
366
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:08,213
- Really?
- Really, really.
367
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,650
- Really, really.
- Okay, look me in the eye...
368
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:11,916
Oh, boy.
369
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:15,619
And tell me that you will be 100%
committed to this, half the time.
370
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:20,563
I will be 100% committed to this,
half the time, maybe even more.
371
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,132
Cheers.
372
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,505
Puts hair on your chest.
373
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,474
Shit, what do we tell our friends?
374
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,476
Oh, don't worry about it.
I'm good on my feet.
375
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,209
Oh, my God, are you serious?
376
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:36,369
Yes.
377
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:39,984
It's our dream, we've always wanted
you guys to get together!
378
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:43,911
- Oh, no...
- No, we're not going to get together.
379
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,345
They're not getting together.
380
00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:47,255
They're just gonna fuck one time
and have a kid.
381
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:49,157
- Right?
- Yeah, pretty much.
382
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:52,223
- Why do you have to call it "fucking," man?
- Oh, do we have to do this?
383
00:18:53,031 --> 00:18:54,760
Jule and Jase are trying
to tell us something.
384
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,435
- Look, we really wanna have a kid.
- Yeah.
385
00:18:57,669 --> 00:19:01,332
We just don't want to subject that kid
to our tragic marriage.
386
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,301
Our tragic marriage?
387
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:08,173
- No, our tragic marriage.
- The one we would have.
388
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,076
- Us.
- I mean, see,
389
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,744
we don't want to fall into the trap
that most of our friends have...
390
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,423
We want to do it in a way
that doesn't kill the romance and...
391
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:21,756
Right.
392
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:27,562
The thing is, I'm old. Is the thing.
393
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:29,730
I get it.
394
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:32,326
You want to have a kid, but without
all the shit that comes with marriage.
395
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,398
- Right. Yes.
- Yes.
396
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,668
Totally makes sense to me.
397
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:49,487
You are good on your feet.
Your pitches must go great.
398
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:50,919
You're welcome.
399
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,986
Oh, my God, what about our parents?
400
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:59,656
Well, your mom will cry,
and my dad will write a check.
401
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,528
Right.
402
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:08,197
- You don't think she's really upset, do you?
- No.
403
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,939
- Why are you so upset?
- Why?
404
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:15,446
- Why? Because it's an affront to us.
- To us? Like specifically to us?
405
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,745
To all normal people
who struggle and make sacrifices
406
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:22,253
and make commitments to make
a relationship work, yes, it's insulting.
407
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,812
To us, specifically and in general.
408
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,688
- Wow. Okay, Judge Judy.
- Judge...
409
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,951
You don't think it's insulting
to our way of life?
410
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,130
Our way of...
411
00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:33,391
What?
412
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:38,425
We're not Mormons or old-timey people.
We don't exactly have a way of life, babe.
413
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:41,502
- You know what I mean.
- It's a brave new world, honey.
414
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,140
There are test-tube babies
and surrogate babies
415
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:45,870
and Jon & Kate Plus 8.
416
00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:48,469
I don't think that two friends
having a kid together
417
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:51,846
because it might be her last chance
is the worst thing that I ever heard.
418
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,244
Two seconds, we'll be right back.
Two seconds.
419
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:57,819
Oh, my God, that's the worst idea
I've ever heard.
420
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:00,153
Oh, my God. What do we do?
What do we say?
421
00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:03,592
I don't know. Nothing.
I mean, we can't say anything, right?
422
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:07,029
We'll be right there, you guys!
This is so exciting!
423
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:09,200
- They're so fucked.
- So fucked.
424
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,699
- They seem totally on board. Yes.
- They're on board.
425
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:14,435
I mean, I get the ticking clock thing for Julie,
426
00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:16,235
but why do you think
Jason wants to do this?
427
00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:18,173
I know, I didn't even think
he wanted to have kids,
428
00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:20,438
but I know she wanted
to have kids eventually, but...
429
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:21,568
Right.
430
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:23,681
- You think he feels sorry for her?
- What? No.
431
00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:27,648
No, what, I mean, no.
432
00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:30,381
- Not just that.
- You think he feels sorry for her.
433
00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:34,455
Okay, maybe partly he feels sorry for her.
Is that so bad?
434
00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:37,962
I mean, he's got all the time in the world,
but this might be it for her.
435
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,600
What? "It" for her?
436
00:21:42,701 --> 00:21:45,431
- Oh, no...
- That is so fucking insulting!
437
00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:47,597
- Oh, now I'm insulting?
- Yes!
438
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:50,506
She's insulting, I'm insulting,
it's a terrible day for you.
439
00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:53,271
You're saying it's it for her.
I mean, she's not dying.
440
00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:57,281
Okay, well, you set her up with a guy,
what, four years ago?
441
00:21:57,349 --> 00:21:58,976
- Who was in prison!
- God!
442
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:01,383
I'm just saying, who do we know?
443
00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:03,318
Who do we know, good guys,
444
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:06,653
who are available and ready to commit
in their late thirties?
445
00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:08,256
I don't have anyone for her.
446
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,987
It's not that hard. I mean, that's ridiculous.
447
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,896
So we find her somebody younger,
like your age.
448
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,157
Well that's not gonna happen.
449
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:16,996
What do you mean?
That's happening right now.
450
00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:18,997
With us? That's different.
451
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,538
- That's unfair.
- Why?
452
00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:22,937
Because, hon, when we met,
you were in your twenties.
453
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:27,411
- So?
- So, 28, 22, that's hot.
454
00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:29,606
38, 32, not so much.
455
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:34,141
Are you seriously telling me
that if we met today,
456
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:35,208
it wouldn't happen?
457
00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:38,145
Honestly, no.
458
00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:41,284
Probably not.
459
00:22:41,793 --> 00:22:44,853
- You're a super douchebag.
- I'm kidding!
460
00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:49,125
- I'm kidding.
- I'm gonna strangle you!
461
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,331
- Last question.
- Shoot.
462
00:22:52,337 --> 00:22:54,328
Did we decide on a method?
463
00:22:56,274 --> 00:23:01,211
Is it won'th trying the drunken sex thing
once or twice
464
00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:02,677
on the off chance?
465
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,616
- He is not...
- Yeah...
466
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,394
And that is... Okay.
467
00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:20,964
Sorry.
468
00:23:21,032 --> 00:23:23,227
- Thanks. Thanks a lot.
- No, no, no. I'm sorry.
469
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:26,134
- It's just weird.
- I know.
470
00:23:26,204 --> 00:23:28,365
It's like kissing a brother, or something.
471
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,070
- Great.
- Okay, try again.
472
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,138
- For real.
- It's fine.
473
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:37,203
Okay.
474
00:23:38,884 --> 00:23:42,047
Maybe we should not kiss
and just watch the porn.
475
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:43,443
Little more porn.
476
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:47,181
It's just sex, come on.
477
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,783
- Just forget it's me for a second.
- Okay.
478
00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:50,350
- And let's do this.
- Okay.
479
00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:55,257
- Come on.
- Let me just dim the lights a little bit.
480
00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:58,700
That's better. I'm sorry I don't have big tits.
I know that's your thing.
481
00:23:58,770 --> 00:23:59,964
That's okay. I've seen your tits.
482
00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:01,705
You have? When?
483
00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:03,834
Streak night in college.
484
00:24:03,909 --> 00:24:07,470
Hamptons time-share,
in the hot tub, millennium weekend.
485
00:24:07,546 --> 00:24:10,174
- Oh, that was a great trip.
- It was.
486
00:24:10,382 --> 00:24:11,371
You're stalling.
487
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:14,582
Sorry, okay.
488
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:16,014
Let's just do it.
489
00:24:16,087 --> 00:24:19,682
Oh, I should tell you,
I'm a grower, not a shower.
490
00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:21,089
I know.
491
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:25,756
- What?
- No, I know it gets big. Leslie told me.
492
00:24:27,566 --> 00:24:29,693
Alex told her. Oh, and Callie told me.
493
00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:31,668
- Callie told you?
- Yeah.
494
00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:34,534
I think she was trying
to make me feel bad or something.
495
00:24:34,606 --> 00:24:35,766
How?
496
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:39,436
I don't know, just 'cause I didn't have
access to your big dick or something?
497
00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:42,344
I don't know, I didn't really get her.
498
00:24:42,747 --> 00:24:45,147
Really? Why didn't you ever tell me that?
499
00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,185
- I did.
- You did?
500
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:48,583
I did.
501
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:54,222
- Anyway. Okay.
- All right, good luck.
502
00:24:55,794 --> 00:24:56,988
- Here goes...
- Yes.
503
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:05,367
Wow, does that move
really work on people...
504
00:25:05,437 --> 00:25:07,496
Are you kidding me? Seriously?
505
00:25:07,639 --> 00:25:08,833
Is this the way this is gonna go?
506
00:25:08,907 --> 00:25:11,205
That was such a... Right up there... It was...
507
00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:13,506
Well, yeah, we gotta
get down to business here, sweetie.
508
00:25:13,645 --> 00:25:14,634
It was very sudden.
509
00:25:14,813 --> 00:25:18,271
I'm sorry, it's just sometimes
girls need a little foreplay.
510
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:19,874
- Oh, really?
- A little something.
511
00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:23,887
Really? Is that what girls need? Are you
going to tell me about what girls need?
512
00:25:23,955 --> 00:25:25,786
Sorry I said anything. Let's start again.
513
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,415
You know I'm gonna need
to get down there at some point,
514
00:25:27,492 --> 00:25:28,516
if we're going to conceive a child.
515
00:25:28,593 --> 00:25:30,527
- I do know that. Agreed.
- All right.
516
00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:32,560
So may I approach the bench?
517
00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:34,754
Yes.
518
00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:36,390
Yeah? Okay.
519
00:25:42,941 --> 00:25:44,772
- This way? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
520
00:25:45,977 --> 00:25:50,505
You know, was this a terrible idea?
Not the thing, not the plan, but this way.
521
00:25:50,582 --> 00:25:51,742
Was it just not a good idea?
522
00:25:51,816 --> 00:25:54,717
Maybe I should just get going.
I mean, this is starting to get embarrassing.
523
00:25:54,786 --> 00:25:59,189
No, no, no. Please don't.
I haven't had sex in a really long time.
524
00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:01,254
Really? Me, too. How long?
525
00:26:02,627 --> 00:26:03,753
Three months.
526
00:26:06,164 --> 00:26:07,791
- You?
- Thursday.
527
00:26:08,767 --> 00:26:10,826
You are such an asshole.
528
00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:13,268
- God, you didn't even tell me!
- It's not a big deal.
529
00:26:13,338 --> 00:26:15,272
- It's kind of a big deal.
- Really?
530
00:26:15,373 --> 00:26:17,034
- With that waitress?
- Yeah.
531
00:26:18,677 --> 00:26:20,008
I bet she had big tits.
532
00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:21,204
- No.
- Yes, she did.
533
00:26:21,346 --> 00:26:24,008
- She did, they were enormous.
- Such an asshole.
534
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:25,648
You're such a jerk, I hate you...
535
00:26:25,717 --> 00:26:30,086
Why don't you stop hitting me?
It's a pain in the ass.
536
00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:44,893
Let's just pretend
we're really into each other, okay?
537
00:26:46,237 --> 00:26:47,568
Okay.
538
00:27:00,752 --> 00:27:03,619
So, a life coach.
What exactly does that mean?
539
00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:08,282
Basically I just help people
strategize, focus, prioritize, you know?
540
00:27:08,593 --> 00:27:10,356
Wow, that's a mouthful.
541
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:16,132
Hi, I'll have a glass of
the '93 Ch�teauneuf-du-Pape.
542
00:27:18,069 --> 00:27:19,593
I'll just get a Stella.
543
00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:25,165
Sorry, I have to take this.
544
00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:27,467
Hey.
545
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:29,938
Now?
546
00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:33,606
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's okay.
Doctor Wong, great!
547
00:27:33,818 --> 00:27:37,720
Do you think this epidural
should be working better or something?
548
00:27:37,789 --> 00:27:39,518
Can you turn it up, do you think?
549
00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:41,491
Meningitis. Meningitis.
550
00:27:41,559 --> 00:27:43,083
Oh right, hey...
551
00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:44,822
Can I ask you to put some of this on?
552
00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:48,354
We saw an ER episode
where the woman got spinal meningitis
553
00:27:48,433 --> 00:27:51,061
because she got the germs
from the doctor's hands and died.
554
00:27:51,269 --> 00:27:54,363
It was really sad. I mean, it was good,
it was a strong episode, but sad...
555
00:27:54,439 --> 00:27:57,101
All right, we're almost there, keep pushing.
556
00:27:58,176 --> 00:28:00,906
Oh, my God, it really is disgusting.
It's super gross.
557
00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:03,140
Your vagina looks like a jellyfish.
558
00:28:04,949 --> 00:28:06,917
- Death by drowning or fire?
- Not now!
559
00:28:07,118 --> 00:28:08,415
It's crowning. Scissors.
560
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,181
- No, no...
- Oh, no!
561
00:28:10,388 --> 00:28:12,720
No, Doctor, please, no episiotomy.
562
00:28:12,791 --> 00:28:15,157
She wants to be back in the dating pool
in six to eight weeks,
563
00:28:15,226 --> 00:28:17,490
so if you could just let it tear naturally...
564
00:28:17,662 --> 00:28:18,686
What are you doing?
565
00:28:18,797 --> 00:28:20,992
All right, just a few more pushes.
566
00:28:21,132 --> 00:28:22,360
There, keep pushing.
567
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,967
- It's coming!
- I feel like it's coming out of my ass!
568
00:28:26,838 --> 00:28:27,827
Really?
569
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:31,240
- Oh, my gosh, you guys.
- I know, right?
570
00:28:31,509 --> 00:28:32,635
Hi.
571
00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:34,311
Are you waving hello to us?
572
00:28:35,346 --> 00:28:36,335
Unbelievable.
573
00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:37,470
You have a baby.
574
00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:40,312
- It was bad.
- I know, honey, you look good...
575
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:43,548
Look at him. He looks just like your father.
576
00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:45,816
Really? Who remembers?
577
00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:49,883
A widow with no grandchildren
until now remembers.
578
00:28:49,961 --> 00:28:53,556
Mom, Dad left us 12 years before he died,
and he remarried,
579
00:28:53,631 --> 00:28:56,657
you're not a widow,
that's not what "widow" means.
580
00:28:56,868 --> 00:28:59,632
- Hello.
- Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
581
00:28:59,704 --> 00:29:02,195
- Hey, Marcy.
- Hello, sweetheart.
582
00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:04,365
This is all very weird.
583
00:29:04,476 --> 00:29:05,500
Hi, Phil. Nice to see you.
584
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,568
Elaine, how've you been?
585
00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,904
Just wish my husband was here to see this.
586
00:29:10,715 --> 00:29:13,809
Leslie, Alex, how are your children?
587
00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:17,853
- The ones born in wedlock?
- They're fine, thank you.
588
00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:20,651
- Who wants champagne?
- Right here.
589
00:29:20,892 --> 00:29:21,916
I'd love some, Alex.
590
00:29:21,993 --> 00:29:23,756
It seems appropriate, right?
591
00:29:24,362 --> 00:29:25,852
So, this is Joe.
592
00:29:27,031 --> 00:29:28,157
Nice job, son.
593
00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:29,522
Well...
594
00:29:29,801 --> 00:29:32,668
- Phil, give him the gift.
- Right.
595
00:29:32,737 --> 00:29:36,503
This is for your share, son.
596
00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:39,006
- Dad...
- Oh, no, no, it's fine.
597
00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:41,238
Of course,
it's all going to be down the middle.
598
00:29:41,312 --> 00:29:43,644
- So, don't worry.
- Okay, we gotta run.
599
00:29:43,715 --> 00:29:45,580
- Really? That's it?
- Congratulations.
600
00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:47,743
So you're... That's your... Okay.
601
00:29:47,819 --> 00:29:49,446
Gotta go check in at the hotel.
602
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:50,920
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
603
00:29:51,022 --> 00:29:52,114
Thanks for...
604
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:56,389
They are a delight. Cheers.
605
00:29:57,295 --> 00:29:59,092
You're really sweet.
606
00:29:59,597 --> 00:30:03,465
- It's a shame he got my nose.
- I know. And my weak chin.
607
00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:05,334
Your chirs not weak.
608
00:30:05,403 --> 00:30:08,634
Yes it is, I just jut it out a lot
because I'm self-conscious.
609
00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:12,472
- Lf I kind ofjust...
- Oh, yeah, you do.
610
00:30:12,544 --> 00:30:14,375
- Never noticed that before.
- Yeah.
611
00:30:14,946 --> 00:30:18,643
- But he got your upper lip, thank God.
- And hopefully my sense of humor.
612
00:30:18,716 --> 00:30:20,149
- What?
- What?
613
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,310
Hey, how was your date, by the way?
614
00:30:24,455 --> 00:30:28,755
She over-French-pronounces French words.
615
00:30:30,295 --> 00:30:32,286
- That's terrible.
- Yeah. I needed an out.
616
00:30:33,431 --> 00:30:35,331
Good job.
617
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:40,702
- Hey, doll, you did great.
- Thanks.
618
00:30:40,772 --> 00:30:43,104
- He's pretty special, huh?
- Yeah.
619
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:45,400
I'm glad we did this.
620
00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:49,109
- Me, too.
- I think it's gonna work out really well.
621
00:31:17,609 --> 00:31:20,009
You can take these up to your place, right?
622
00:31:21,946 --> 00:31:24,881
Ski boots. Oscillating fan.
623
00:31:26,184 --> 00:31:27,173
Terrible luggage.
624
00:31:31,923 --> 00:31:32,912
You all right?
625
00:31:39,931 --> 00:31:40,920
Okay.
626
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:44,759
- Hey.
- Oh, thank God you're here.
627
00:31:44,836 --> 00:31:45,860
What happened?
628
00:31:46,537 --> 00:31:48,471
I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
629
00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:52,635
I did everything. I fed him, I changed him,
I burped him, I swaddled him...
630
00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:54,672
- Did you do the mobile?
- Mobile...
631
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,237
- You did mobile.
- I did mobile, and the train thing,
632
00:31:57,315 --> 00:32:00,751
and fly like an airplane
and he's been crying like this for an hour!
633
00:32:00,818 --> 00:32:03,150
- I think he hates me!
- No, he doesn't hate you, sweetie.
634
00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,951
He doesn't hate anybody.
He's not a hater. Come here.
635
00:32:06,024 --> 00:32:09,460
He's not bright enough to be a hater
right now, his brain is like this big.
636
00:32:09,661 --> 00:32:11,424
- Don't say that.
- It's true.
637
00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:12,824
Don't say that in front of him.
638
00:32:12,964 --> 00:32:14,522
He's dumb as a stump right now.
639
00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:18,057
He can't discern the nuances of
who to hate right now. That comes later.
640
00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:20,195
You're okay.
641
00:32:27,111 --> 00:32:28,203
How did you do that?
642
00:32:28,546 --> 00:32:29,843
It's simple. He loves me and he hates you.
643
00:32:29,914 --> 00:32:31,381
- Oh, you are so mean!
- I'm joking!
644
00:32:46,931 --> 00:32:49,456
- Are you kidding me?
- Look.
645
00:32:49,534 --> 00:32:52,401
Are you kidding me? Are you re-gifting?
646
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:54,097
- Yes. We have to be quiet.
- Is this for me?
647
00:32:54,172 --> 00:32:56,436
- No, this is temporary. So calm down.
- Is this for me?
648
00:32:56,507 --> 00:32:58,407
Okay. Oh, great.
649
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:01,976
I can't do it. I gotta put Joe to bed.
It's my night. Let's do Tuesday.
650
00:33:02,046 --> 00:33:04,139
No, my kid's got tumbling practice.
651
00:33:08,252 --> 00:33:10,846
- What? They're enormous, right?
- They're big.
652
00:33:10,922 --> 00:33:12,219
But, you know, that's a good thing.
653
00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:15,051
What is the tits thing?
I sort of get it now, but...
654
00:33:15,226 --> 00:33:20,493
Look, I can explain it very simply to you.
Look at Joe right now.
655
00:33:20,965 --> 00:33:22,159
See how happy he is?
656
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,734
That's as happy as he's ever going to be.
657
00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:26,634
Buried in tits.
658
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,604
And your last job was?
659
00:33:28,806 --> 00:33:32,799
I was taking care of the most
beautiful little girl in SoHo.
660
00:33:32,944 --> 00:33:34,935
- Wow.
- That's wonderful.
661
00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:37,072
Wow.
662
00:33:40,151 --> 00:33:41,277
I just want to make one note.
663
00:33:41,352 --> 00:33:45,482
Is there anything you see, Jase,
that you want to enquire about?
664
00:33:45,556 --> 00:33:47,683
- Or comment on?
- Right.
665
00:33:47,925 --> 00:33:49,688
- No.
- No.
666
00:33:50,094 --> 00:33:51,152
So, do I have the job?
667
00:34:00,505 --> 00:34:03,531
Hey, when do you think it'll be okay
to get naked with someone?
668
00:34:03,608 --> 00:34:04,597
Let me see.
669
00:34:08,346 --> 00:34:09,677
I think we're three weeks out.
670
00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:12,973
- Three to four.
- Okay, thanks.
671
00:34:13,451 --> 00:34:14,782
Five, tops.
672
00:34:20,358 --> 00:34:23,794
No, we haven't seen them.
Like not once. Just e-mail.
673
00:34:23,861 --> 00:34:25,488
I'm amazed we're finally being invited over
674
00:34:25,563 --> 00:34:27,690
to witness this grand experiment
in progress.
675
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:29,255
- You haven't seen Jule?
- No, can you imagine?
676
00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:32,962
We've had two dinner dates, and late drinks,
she calls to cancel at the last minute,
677
00:34:33,037 --> 00:34:34,937
literally while I'm in the cab, by the way,
678
00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:36,439
and I had a sitter and everything.
679
00:34:36,507 --> 00:34:38,338
And these are on her nights,
and I'm like, "Really?"
680
00:34:38,409 --> 00:34:40,343
Dude has missed the last five poker nights,
681
00:34:40,411 --> 00:34:41,810
and I'm like,
"I'm sorry, that's living the dream?"
682
00:34:41,879 --> 00:34:43,608
That's my shitty life.
683
00:34:43,681 --> 00:34:46,275
Seriously, I expected a lot more
out of these guys. A lot of big talk.
684
00:34:46,350 --> 00:34:49,808
He didn't even come Monday
when I had floor seats for the Knicks.
685
00:34:49,887 --> 00:34:52,253
- Fuck you, why didn't you ask me?
- Fuck you, you were in Chicago.
686
00:34:52,323 --> 00:34:54,086
Honey, just the floor, baby, that's it.
You got it.
687
00:34:54,158 --> 00:34:56,023
- How was it?
- It was amazing.
688
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,493
I was right by Seinfeld.
689
00:34:57,562 --> 00:34:59,029
- Get the fuck out.
- No.
690
00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:00,595
Get the fuck out.
691
00:35:02,533 --> 00:35:05,058
- Great.
- That's funny.
692
00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:11,937
You know what, guys?
I think that they are really struggling.
693
00:35:12,009 --> 00:35:15,445
And I think they just
haven't been able to face us.
694
00:35:15,513 --> 00:35:16,502
Maybe.
695
00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:19,015
I don't think they had any idea
how hard any of this was gonna be.
696
00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:20,107
They had no idea.
697
00:35:20,184 --> 00:35:21,242
Fuck off!
698
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,212
Troy.
699
00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:25,187
- He's good at that.
- No.
700
00:35:25,556 --> 00:35:29,754
Anyway, I think we need to be
a little more supportive. You know?
701
00:35:31,329 --> 00:35:33,058
Yeah, they're probably in hell.
702
00:35:33,764 --> 00:35:35,459
Hey!
703
00:35:36,767 --> 00:35:40,362
Hey, Cole. How are you,
can I take your coat?
704
00:35:40,438 --> 00:35:42,565
Good to see you, long time.
705
00:35:43,107 --> 00:35:44,938
Hi, Troy, how are you?
706
00:35:46,010 --> 00:35:48,706
Hi, Katie, you look so pretty.
707
00:35:48,779 --> 00:35:51,043
Hey, Cole, can I take your backpack?
708
00:35:51,916 --> 00:35:52,905
There he is.
709
00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:55,581
- Thank you very much.
- The place looks amazing.
710
00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:57,280
Something smells good.
711
00:35:57,355 --> 00:36:00,188
- Hey, Jase, did you remember to get...
- Of course, I did.
712
00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:03,054
Hey, who would like to watch
Thomas the Tank Engine?
713
00:36:03,261 --> 00:36:05,161
- I do! I do!
- Thomas! Let's do this.
714
00:36:05,229 --> 00:36:06,856
Uncle Jason is going to take you guys...
715
00:36:06,931 --> 00:36:08,558
- I know you want an espresso.
- Oh, please.
716
00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:10,661
Help yourself. We have Bloody Mary mix,
717
00:36:10,735 --> 00:36:14,000
mimosas, whatever you want,
I'm going to get the coffees going.
718
00:36:14,572 --> 00:36:17,336
Look at this!
I can't believe how big he's gotten.
719
00:36:17,408 --> 00:36:18,841
Nineteen weeks, can you believe?
720
00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:21,774
- I feel totally inadequate.
- No, don't.
721
00:36:22,346 --> 00:36:23,938
This is ridiculous.
722
00:36:24,382 --> 00:36:27,909
- Yes, sweetie, if you need sugar, cream...
- Gosh, look at you guys. Thank you...
723
00:36:27,985 --> 00:36:30,180
Jason made the most amazing quiches.
724
00:36:30,254 --> 00:36:34,247
We've got quiche Lorraine,
and spinach, too.
725
00:36:34,492 --> 00:36:38,485
Oh, I got it, yeah.
They're really great and hot, so dig in.
726
00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:40,724
- It's all right, buddy.
- Hey, Jule, can you take him?
727
00:36:40,798 --> 00:36:41,822
Oh, you're such a faker.
728
00:36:41,966 --> 00:36:43,399
Oh, you're okay.
729
00:36:43,834 --> 00:36:45,392
Why don't you check him?
You wanna check him?
730
00:36:45,469 --> 00:36:47,403
- Yeah, maybe. Do you mind?
- Yeah, sure.
731
00:36:47,471 --> 00:36:49,769
- Can you do it?
- Yeah, can you deal with the coffee?
732
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,035
Yeah, I figured out the thing
I kept fucking up, it was the lever...
733
00:36:52,109 --> 00:36:54,373
Look at you, competent.
See how that works?
734
00:36:54,445 --> 00:36:57,073
Yeah, sure, it turns out
I'm much better with shit than she is.
735
00:36:58,015 --> 00:37:01,849
It's true. But we decided guys spend more
time crapping and puking, right?
736
00:37:01,919 --> 00:37:03,216
Are you kidding me?
This one goes into the bathroom
737
00:37:03,287 --> 00:37:04,618
with a laptop and a sandwich.
738
00:37:04,722 --> 00:37:06,917
I like to take my time, babe.
I like to take my time.
739
00:37:07,124 --> 00:37:08,614
Why are you proud of that? It's gross.
740
00:37:08,693 --> 00:37:10,957
So, you guys, tell me everything,
what's been happening?
741
00:37:11,429 --> 00:37:12,623
Let's see...
742
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:18,464
Well, we've been filling out the world's most
ridiculous kindergarten application for Cole,
743
00:37:18,536 --> 00:37:19,594
tougher than the LSATs.
744
00:37:19,737 --> 00:37:23,229
- Oh, my God, really?
- It's literally 17 pages of stuff like,
745
00:37:23,507 --> 00:37:25,805
"What are your child's
most promising attributes?"
746
00:37:25,876 --> 00:37:28,970
I don't know. Pulling on his wiener
and hitting stuff all the time?
747
00:37:29,347 --> 00:37:30,507
Freaking out his sister.
748
00:37:31,148 --> 00:37:32,775
- It's just gas.
- Oh, good.
749
00:37:32,850 --> 00:37:35,512
Hey, Jase, how are things
with the hot Latina nanny?
750
00:37:35,853 --> 00:37:37,445
Thanks for sending me her Facebook page,
by the way,
751
00:37:37,521 --> 00:37:38,988
I jerked off to it a few times already.
752
00:37:39,357 --> 00:37:43,157
Wow, you are such a pig!
You're a complete pig!
753
00:37:43,227 --> 00:37:45,457
- You werert in the room.
- It's fine. Penelope's over.
754
00:37:45,529 --> 00:37:47,121
- It doesn't matter.
- What, since last night?
755
00:37:47,198 --> 00:37:48,392
- Yeah.
- What happened?
756
00:37:48,466 --> 00:37:51,833
She got needy. And she voted for Bush.
2004, actually.
757
00:37:52,837 --> 00:37:55,271
Damn, six weeks and out?
We could have hired her.
758
00:37:55,373 --> 00:37:56,806
You don't think Gladys is working out?
759
00:37:56,874 --> 00:38:00,640
No, I do, she just scares me a little.
760
00:38:00,711 --> 00:38:03,179
Doll, you didn't tell me that. Come on.
761
00:38:03,247 --> 00:38:05,044
- She's, like, mean to me sometimes.
- She is?
762
00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:07,744
- A little bit mean. Just a couple of times.
- She's gone. I'm gonna kill her.
763
00:38:07,818 --> 00:38:10,082
I think she just doesn't like me, exactly...
764
00:38:10,154 --> 00:38:12,384
Julie, when are you gonna
get back out there?
765
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:16,859
- Oh, I don't know, I'm not ready yet...
- She thinks her vagina's too loose.
766
00:38:17,094 --> 00:38:18,857
- Jason!
- No, I do. I absolutely do.
767
00:38:18,929 --> 00:38:21,090
- But she's Kegeling.
- Talking about Kegeling?
768
00:38:21,265 --> 00:38:23,631
- What is Kegeling?
- It's exercises to strengthen your vagina.
769
00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:25,634
Yeah. I'm doing them constantly.
I'm doing them right now.
770
00:38:25,870 --> 00:38:27,565
- You can't even tell.
- I can tell.
771
00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:29,401
- I can see.
- You saw it, right?
772
00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:31,165
That was a mean Kegel.
773
00:38:31,275 --> 00:38:33,800
Jule, don't wait too long, 'cause I
have some serious prospects for you.
774
00:38:33,878 --> 00:38:35,345
Not all of them are convicts.
775
00:38:35,413 --> 00:38:38,348
- Oh, my God, I'm so annoyed with you.
- Fingers crossed.
776
00:38:54,498 --> 00:38:57,729
- I don't want to go.
- You're going. You should just go.
777
00:38:57,802 --> 00:39:03,570
But how lame is it that it's a lunch?
I mean, late lunch? Really?
778
00:39:03,741 --> 00:39:06,073
Lunch is good, lunch is low stakes.
779
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:10,041
I just want to stay here, though,
and go to the park with you guys.
780
00:39:10,114 --> 00:39:11,513
I don't want to miss anything.
781
00:39:11,582 --> 00:39:13,914
We're literally going to see you
in two hours.
782
00:39:13,984 --> 00:39:17,784
I know, but late lunch. It's so unpromising.
783
00:39:17,855 --> 00:39:19,618
- You know what I think?
- What?
784
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:21,954
I think late lunch
can turn into early cocktails.
785
00:39:22,326 --> 00:39:24,817
So you can roll into evening
if it's going well,
786
00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:28,064
but you also have a solid out
'cause it's just lunch.
787
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,064
- A late lunch.
- A late lunch, yes.
788
00:39:30,201 --> 00:39:33,034
So, I think it's an impressive,
strategic move on his part.
789
00:39:33,304 --> 00:39:36,034
Wow. Thanks for saying that.
790
00:39:36,507 --> 00:39:37,701
All right, I'm gonna go.
791
00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:39,467
Good-bye. Good-bye.
792
00:39:41,746 --> 00:39:45,580
I will see you very soon. Bye.
Have fun with Daddy.
793
00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:47,210
Say bye to Mommy.
794
00:39:47,718 --> 00:39:49,515
Tell Mommy you hope she gets laid!
795
00:39:49,653 --> 00:39:51,416
Shut up! God.
796
00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:59,091
No, no.
797
00:40:00,164 --> 00:40:01,324
Holy shit.
798
00:40:01,766 --> 00:40:04,633
Slow down!
Okay, okay, you know what? Hey.
799
00:40:05,002 --> 00:40:07,664
- Okay, buddy, you just go with this, okay?
- Okay, let's sit. Can you sit?
800
00:40:08,205 --> 00:40:10,196
Sit. Thank you.
801
00:40:11,942 --> 00:40:16,072
"Daw!" That's right, bud. "Daw!"
802
00:40:16,147 --> 00:40:19,674
Yeah, do you want to say hi to "daw"?
803
00:40:19,984 --> 00:40:25,513
Well, maybe this drop-dead beautiful woman
who owns the "daw" will let you...
804
00:40:25,856 --> 00:40:27,050
Let you say hi...
805
00:40:27,558 --> 00:40:28,957
Are you serious?
806
00:40:29,026 --> 00:40:32,723
You're gonna hit on me with a baby?
That's terrible. Boo!
807
00:40:32,963 --> 00:40:35,022
- What's wrong with you?
- No, no, no, hey, I'm a free agent.
808
00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:38,633
I'm not married. And I wasrt hitting on you.
809
00:40:38,702 --> 00:40:39,726
Really?
810
00:40:39,804 --> 00:40:42,272
Okay, yeah, maybe I was
hitting on you. But...
811
00:40:42,473 --> 00:40:43,997
Thank you.
812
00:40:44,074 --> 00:40:48,977
To be honest,
you can't really walk around with that
813
00:40:49,046 --> 00:40:51,310
face and not invite that kind of comment.
814
00:40:51,382 --> 00:40:53,850
I'm sorry for saying that,
that was the first thing that came out.
815
00:40:53,918 --> 00:40:57,615
I'm not usually this inarticulate or cheesy.
816
00:40:57,688 --> 00:41:00,020
I'm a bit off my game. A bit off my game.
817
00:41:00,791 --> 00:41:02,884
- Maybe a little bit.
- Yeah.
818
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,951
I'm sorry, do you mind if we, you know,
819
00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:06,890
he gets so excited when he sees a dog,
it's crazy.
820
00:41:06,964 --> 00:41:08,556
Yeah, of course, it's fine.
821
00:41:08,766 --> 00:41:10,199
Hey, buddy, do you want to see the doggy?
822
00:41:11,602 --> 00:41:12,591
Great dog.
823
00:41:12,903 --> 00:41:16,134
Yeah, he's actually my neighbor's dog.
824
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:18,903
I could never ever be responsible
for another living thing.
825
00:41:19,944 --> 00:41:20,933
He's adorable.
826
00:41:21,078 --> 00:41:23,069
Thanks, yeah, I think so.
827
00:41:23,914 --> 00:41:26,439
Except for the nose.
He got mine, poor thing.
828
00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:28,183
World of pain coming.
829
00:41:28,252 --> 00:41:30,584
Really? I think you have a great nose.
830
00:41:31,088 --> 00:41:33,283
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, it's your ears I would worry about.
831
00:41:34,291 --> 00:41:36,088
- Really...
- I'm just kidding.
832
00:41:37,394 --> 00:41:38,452
What's wrong with your nose?
833
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:41,127
You know,
it's just always been a thing for me, like...
834
00:41:41,198 --> 00:41:44,065
At certain angles, I really like
the way it looks, and others, it's like,
835
00:41:44,134 --> 00:41:47,194
I don't know,
it's not quite symmetrical with my chin.
836
00:41:47,271 --> 00:41:51,605
Wow, this is coming off very gay.
And I am straight, 100%.
837
00:41:51,675 --> 00:41:54,940
You should know that.
Don't let the hair product fool you.
838
00:41:55,980 --> 00:41:57,004
Oh, boy...
839
00:41:57,515 --> 00:41:59,847
- Okay, so you're not married.
- No.
840
00:41:59,917 --> 00:42:02,215
- You're not gay.
- No.
841
00:42:02,286 --> 00:42:04,049
- And you have a baby.
- Yeah.
842
00:42:04,121 --> 00:42:05,247
So you're divorced?
843
00:42:05,489 --> 00:42:08,185
No. Never married.
844
00:42:08,492 --> 00:42:10,926
So, did you knock up a Catholic girl, or...
845
00:42:10,995 --> 00:42:12,690
No, she's not religious.
846
00:42:13,664 --> 00:42:19,899
We're friends, and she really wanted a baby.
So, you know, this is my life now.
847
00:42:20,838 --> 00:42:22,931
Half the time. We split custody.
848
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,967
- Wow. That's noble.
- Thank you.
849
00:42:27,444 --> 00:42:29,571
- I'm Jason, by the way. I'm sorry.
- Maryjane.
850
00:42:29,647 --> 00:42:31,706
Maryjane. That is a great name.
851
00:42:31,982 --> 00:42:34,883
- I was named after shoes.
- It's a terrible name.
852
00:42:34,952 --> 00:42:37,819
Just kidding. It's a good name.
It's a lovely name.
853
00:42:40,024 --> 00:42:42,822
Sorry, do you wanna go get coffee
with me, by any chance?
854
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:47,030
Just a cup of coffee.
855
00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:50,892
You are a pumpkin.
856
00:42:51,068 --> 00:42:52,194
You are such a pumpkin.
857
00:42:53,938 --> 00:42:58,136
- So what was wrong with him?
- Nothing. He couldn't have been nicer.
858
00:42:58,742 --> 00:43:02,109
So just boring? Flatline?
859
00:43:02,179 --> 00:43:05,740
He was a nice, pleasant guy.
860
00:43:06,951 --> 00:43:09,818
Well, you got back out there,
and we're all real proud of you.
861
00:43:09,887 --> 00:43:10,911
Thank you.
862
00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:13,215
- Cherry popped.
- So to speak.
863
00:43:13,357 --> 00:43:15,552
- Oh, I have some news.
- Oh, yeah?
864
00:43:16,427 --> 00:43:19,624
Let me put him down,
and I can give you my full attention.
865
00:43:19,697 --> 00:43:21,255
It is way past bedtime.
866
00:43:21,332 --> 00:43:24,267
- Bye!
- Bye. Good night, buddy boy.
867
00:43:25,869 --> 00:43:29,202
Okay, all right, I got you. Let's go.
868
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,064
Let's go.
869
00:43:31,342 --> 00:43:33,207
- Bye.
- Say good night to Daddy.
870
00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:35,268
- Say good night.
- Bye.
871
00:43:36,714 --> 00:43:39,774
- I'll be right back. I want to hear your news.
- Okay.
872
00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:06,798
What?
873
00:44:09,913 --> 00:44:11,380
Nothing, I...
874
00:44:12,916 --> 00:44:14,110
Just...
875
00:44:15,419 --> 00:44:16,977
I don't think this is so hard.
876
00:44:19,056 --> 00:44:20,318
You know.
877
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:25,720
I mean, for me, it's been really...
878
00:44:27,865 --> 00:44:29,332
Really great.
879
00:44:30,267 --> 00:44:33,327
- You know?
- Well, maybe we just got a good one.
880
00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:36,596
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.
881
00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,807
Well, we also have the advantage of...
We're not sleeping together,
882
00:44:40,878 --> 00:44:42,539
and we're not attracted to each other,
883
00:44:42,613 --> 00:44:46,208
so there's none of that sex stuff
to cloud the experience.
884
00:44:46,450 --> 00:44:47,439
Right.
885
00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:50,885
I mean, it'd be different if we were married
and I owed you something,
886
00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:54,219
and every time I went out,
you resented the shit out of me,
887
00:44:54,291 --> 00:44:57,886
and every time I commented
on how hot another woman is,
888
00:44:57,961 --> 00:44:59,223
you thought I was an asshole,
889
00:44:59,296 --> 00:45:03,824
or if I had to say you were back
at your old weight when you werert.
890
00:45:04,568 --> 00:45:07,264
All that stuff. We're lucky.
891
00:45:08,739 --> 00:45:11,708
- This is clean. Simple. You know?
- Yes, yes.
892
00:45:12,910 --> 00:45:15,902
So, I'm sorry, you said you had... Thank you.
You had news. What's your news?
893
00:45:16,046 --> 00:45:17,377
Oh, right.
894
00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:22,482
I think I met "the girl" today.
895
00:45:25,522 --> 00:45:26,511
I'm serious.
896
00:45:26,890 --> 00:45:30,121
That's so great. That's so great.
897
00:45:30,561 --> 00:45:32,290
I don't know what is wrong with me.
898
00:45:32,763 --> 00:45:37,223
Oh, babe. I was waiting for this to happen.
899
00:45:37,835 --> 00:45:38,893
You were?
900
00:45:39,169 --> 00:45:40,761
I mean, honey,
you can't share all that shit with someone
901
00:45:40,838 --> 00:45:43,204
and not get confused, you know?
902
00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:46,834
Right. I'm just confused. It's not like
I really want him or something, right?
903
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:50,676
- No, honey. Yeah, it's Jason. You know?
- I know.
904
00:45:51,715 --> 00:45:53,580
Jason, who we've always found to be...
905
00:45:53,650 --> 00:45:55,618
- Slightly effeminate.
... kind of gay.
906
00:45:55,686 --> 00:45:58,519
- He's short for you.
- Yes. He's too short for me, right?
907
00:45:58,589 --> 00:45:59,681
Yes, yes.
908
00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:01,584
- You have never...
- He is too short for me, right?
909
00:46:01,658 --> 00:46:03,182
...dated anyone near your height.
- Is that right?
910
00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:05,125
Just because
it makes me feel big, you know?
911
00:46:05,195 --> 00:46:07,390
Makes me feel like a linebacker, you know?
Like, I have to slouch.
912
00:46:07,464 --> 00:46:10,228
You never go short, right?
You can't wear heels...
913
00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:12,200
- You can't look up and...
- Yeah. Yeah. I know.
914
00:46:13,003 --> 00:46:17,064
Plus he only likes hot girls with big tits.
He doesn't find me even remotely attractive.
915
00:46:17,374 --> 00:46:19,899
Stop it. Stop that.
916
00:46:20,511 --> 00:46:23,071
I got to tell you, you know what,
he's a pig when it comes to women.
917
00:46:23,147 --> 00:46:24,239
I know.
918
00:46:24,314 --> 00:46:26,282
This has got nothing to do with you.
919
00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:31,014
This is a guy who is a terrific friend,
and he is a disaster romantically.
920
00:46:31,088 --> 00:46:32,077
Yes.
921
00:46:32,189 --> 00:46:34,749
And plus, we just know each other too well,
you know?
922
00:46:34,825 --> 00:46:36,315
He's like a brother.
923
00:46:36,393 --> 00:46:39,487
- He's like an annoying dog of a brother.
- Right.
924
00:46:39,730 --> 00:46:42,494
You don't want that.
You don't want your brother.
925
00:46:42,666 --> 00:46:45,726
- Right. Of course not.
- Because that's... That's gross.
926
00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:48,271
It is gross. And I don't want him.
927
00:46:48,338 --> 00:46:49,737
- You don't, right? Yeah.
- I don't.
928
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:52,901
I just want someone.
929
00:46:53,744 --> 00:46:55,678
You know, I just want somebody.
930
00:46:57,381 --> 00:46:59,815
It's been a really long time.
931
00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:02,280
I've never felt lonelier, you know.
932
00:47:02,753 --> 00:47:06,655
This is good. Change is good.
I'm telling you, I have at least four setups.
933
00:47:06,924 --> 00:47:08,118
- Okay, yeah.
- Okay?
934
00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:10,490
- One of which is promising.
- Okay.
935
00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:13,052
- Okay?
- All right. And what about the other ones?
936
00:47:14,431 --> 00:47:15,955
They're not as promising.
937
00:47:18,335 --> 00:47:23,238
If you had any idea what it was like
to look at you wearing that thing...
938
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:24,698
I'm gonna head out.
939
00:47:24,775 --> 00:47:27,107
It makes, like, boners shoot out of my eyes.
940
00:47:27,211 --> 00:47:29,679
- I'm going on my date.
- Okay, bye, Jule.
941
00:47:29,947 --> 00:47:31,039
Sorry about that, baby.
942
00:47:31,215 --> 00:47:34,548
We're all men, right?
I mean, I showed up a man, I'm pretty sure.
943
00:47:34,618 --> 00:47:37,314
And not for nothing, but it's like,
944
00:47:37,387 --> 00:47:40,185
whose dick did you kiss to get
the company pen, you know what I mean?
945
00:47:40,357 --> 00:47:41,381
Probably.
946
00:47:48,198 --> 00:47:50,166
- It's fine, it's fine.
- He sounds pretty upset.
947
00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:51,292
No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.
948
00:47:58,408 --> 00:47:59,432
I'll be right back.
949
00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:03,343
I got it. I'll be right in. Yes, I will.
950
00:48:04,448 --> 00:48:07,417
I promise. Bye. I gotta go.
951
00:48:07,584 --> 00:48:09,677
- Where do I...
- Go talk to your guy. Go talk to your guy.
952
00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:11,253
Can I throw a grenade on him?
953
00:48:11,321 --> 00:48:12,913
- No, because he's on your team.
- Right. How do I do that?
954
00:48:12,990 --> 00:48:15,424
Follow, it's showing you. It's showing you.
955
00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:17,326
I will do it. I will do it.
956
00:48:17,761 --> 00:48:21,754
You are so terrible at this. You are so bad.
957
00:48:26,370 --> 00:48:28,497
- Did you enjoy the show?
- Oh, my God, it was amazing!
958
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:29,561
That MJ's really something, huh.
959
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,006
Yeah, I had no idea
what a big deal this whole thing was.
960
00:48:32,075 --> 00:48:33,099
She's so great.
961
00:48:33,176 --> 00:48:37,272
Hey, Lewis, don't forget rehearsal tomorrow,
right? 7:00. She's right this way.
962
00:48:37,648 --> 00:48:39,240
- You decent?
- Yeah.
963
00:48:39,650 --> 00:48:41,345
Someone's here to see you.
964
00:48:41,418 --> 00:48:43,079
- In here?
- In here.
965
00:48:43,153 --> 00:48:48,250
Hey. Oh, my God, thank you very much.
Hi. Thanks so much.
966
00:48:48,325 --> 00:48:50,520
Is this okay that I come back here?
967
00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:52,459
- Yeah, of course.
- Oh, my God.
968
00:48:52,529 --> 00:48:56,590
Well, she's an amazing dancer,
so you can imagine how flexible she is.
969
00:48:56,667 --> 00:49:01,127
She literally does this position
where her legs go behind her...
970
00:49:01,204 --> 00:49:02,364
I don't even know how it's done.
971
00:49:02,606 --> 00:49:05,200
I don't understand how it's possible.
972
00:49:06,109 --> 00:49:08,475
Dancers are usually lithe and boyish, so...
973
00:49:08,545 --> 00:49:11,571
Okay, well,
get ready because here's the amazing thing.
974
00:49:11,648 --> 00:49:16,017
She is a skinny, flexible dancer,
with a big rack.
975
00:49:16,119 --> 00:49:17,882
I mean, what are the odds?
976
00:49:17,955 --> 00:49:20,389
- What are the odds?
- Wow, that is so great.
977
00:49:20,691 --> 00:49:22,022
- I know.
- Yeah.
978
00:49:22,492 --> 00:49:26,223
Yeah. Is she nice?
Does she have any sort of personality?
979
00:49:26,296 --> 00:49:28,264
Oh, the body is just the gravy.
980
00:49:28,332 --> 00:49:33,235
She is so cool and smart and talented,
and she doesn't want kids.
981
00:49:34,037 --> 00:49:35,026
She's amazing, you're gonna love her.
982
00:49:35,105 --> 00:49:38,302
- I can't wait for you to meet her.
- Yeah, me, too.
983
00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:41,440
- What was that?
- What?
984
00:49:41,878 --> 00:49:45,712
- Are you not okay with this?
- What?
985
00:49:45,782 --> 00:49:48,615
I don't know. You just seem
so unsupportive. That's so unlike you.
986
00:49:48,685 --> 00:49:52,382
Oh, no, no, no. She sounds...
She sounds great.
987
00:49:53,223 --> 00:49:55,054
She is. I can't wait for you to meet her.
988
00:49:55,225 --> 00:49:57,159
Me, too. Me, too.
989
00:49:57,461 --> 00:49:58,450
Okay.
990
00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:02,390
I gotta go. I'm late. So have a great night.
991
00:50:23,787 --> 00:50:27,188
- Hey, hey, hey, where you going?
- Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. I'm going home.
992
00:50:27,257 --> 00:50:28,315
No, no, no, no.
993
00:50:28,392 --> 00:50:32,624
- I'm just not feeling my sparkliest.
- Listen to me! Pull it together.
994
00:50:32,696 --> 00:50:35,631
Right now, all right? Because this is it.
995
00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:37,860
That guy over there,
is the Holy fucking Grail.
996
00:50:37,934 --> 00:50:39,094
- Okay.
- Let's go.
997
00:50:39,169 --> 00:50:40,227
What's the catch?
998
00:50:40,303 --> 00:50:43,932
There's no catch. Great guy, great dad,
very successful contractor.
999
00:50:44,074 --> 00:50:47,669
He just got divorced, that was in March, so
I've sort ofjust been giving it time to settle,
1000
00:50:47,744 --> 00:50:49,871
you know, because you only get one shot
at a first impression.
1001
00:50:50,147 --> 00:50:53,139
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God! So sorry.
1002
00:50:53,216 --> 00:50:55,446
- I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?
1003
00:50:55,919 --> 00:50:57,250
We're so sorry.
1004
00:50:57,954 --> 00:50:59,649
No, that was me. That was...
1005
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:02,590
I lost my footing, and then,
I bumped into my friend Julie, here...
1006
00:51:02,659 --> 00:51:06,026
- We were looking at the tree...
- And then slammed into me.
1007
00:51:06,129 --> 00:51:08,859
- I'm so sorry.
- No, it is my fault.
1008
00:51:08,932 --> 00:51:10,297
I'm very clumsy.
1009
00:51:10,367 --> 00:51:12,801
Are you guys completely hammered already,
or what's going on?
1010
00:51:13,270 --> 00:51:15,170
- We're not drunk. Not yet.
- No.
1011
00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:17,638
I'm like an elephant in a china shop.
1012
00:51:18,341 --> 00:51:20,138
Bull in a china shop.
1013
00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:23,243
Anyhow, I am Kurt. And you are?
1014
00:51:23,313 --> 00:51:25,508
- Julie.
- I'm Julie.
1015
00:51:25,582 --> 00:51:26,981
Like she said.
1016
00:51:29,786 --> 00:51:33,017
- Okay, okay.
- Is everything okay?
1017
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:35,320
Yeah, just a second...
1018
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:40,391
Okay, well, I actually have to be
at the theater at like 7:00.
1019
00:51:40,464 --> 00:51:42,864
- Okay.
- So, I'm probably gonna head out...
1020
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:44,824
Hey...
1021
00:51:45,535 --> 00:51:46,968
- Wow...
- How's it going?
1022
00:51:47,137 --> 00:51:49,367
That... That's...
1023
00:51:49,539 --> 00:51:50,767
It's okay.
1024
00:51:51,308 --> 00:51:54,436
- Okay, you know what, I'll see you later.
- Yeah, yeah.
1025
00:51:54,644 --> 00:51:58,102
I have the whole night
just like later on after this.
1026
00:51:58,181 --> 00:52:00,046
- Okay?
- Okay.
1027
00:52:00,150 --> 00:52:01,139
Yeah!
1028
00:52:01,218 --> 00:52:03,778
- Bye.
- How about a kiss. Just kidding.
1029
00:52:04,121 --> 00:52:06,089
So, what do you do?
1030
00:52:06,156 --> 00:52:09,216
When you're not busy
crashing elementary school functions.
1031
00:52:10,694 --> 00:52:13,720
Basically, I help this really rich guy
decide who to give his money to.
1032
00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:15,788
Wall Street guy, looking to
clear his conscience kind of thing?
1033
00:52:16,066 --> 00:52:18,159
Something like that, yeah. Nice guy, though.
1034
00:52:18,235 --> 00:52:20,362
- You know, ish.
- Ish.
1035
00:52:20,437 --> 00:52:21,426
Yeah.
1036
00:52:22,539 --> 00:52:23,870
Oh, God...
1037
00:52:24,608 --> 00:52:25,597
What is it?
1038
00:52:25,842 --> 00:52:30,802
Nothing, I really just haven't had
anything like...
1039
00:52:30,881 --> 00:52:33,372
Like this happening for me, so...
1040
00:52:34,885 --> 00:52:37,115
So, I just... You're very... You know...
1041
00:52:37,754 --> 00:52:40,814
- You're not so bad yourself.
- Oh, no, no.
1042
00:52:42,359 --> 00:52:43,348
I...
1043
00:52:43,860 --> 00:52:49,492
I mean, I can put myself together, but...
I just have good hair, you know.
1044
00:52:49,699 --> 00:52:53,635
Put myself together and good hair,
two things.
1045
00:52:54,271 --> 00:52:56,034
Oh, come on,
just hop in a cab and come back.
1046
00:52:56,206 --> 00:52:58,265
You know what? We have Sunday, right?
1047
00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:00,901
And I think that we should
just stick with that
1048
00:53:00,977 --> 00:53:03,605
instead of ruining it
with all of these almosts, okay?
1049
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:04,704
But...
1050
00:53:04,781 --> 00:53:09,047
Look, I feel like a fucking teenager
when I'm at your baby mama's apartment.
1051
00:53:09,619 --> 00:53:12,281
- Well, she's dating right now so I have to...
- No, I know.
1052
00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:15,984
You guys are super progressive
and cool and all of that shit,
1053
00:53:16,059 --> 00:53:20,393
and I love it, it's great, but I just don't need
to know the ins and the outs of it.
1054
00:53:20,797 --> 00:53:22,355
Okay, well...
1055
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:24,692
I'm coming. I'm coming.
1056
00:53:24,868 --> 00:53:27,769
Babe, I have to go.
We are going to a gig downtown.
1057
00:53:27,904 --> 00:53:29,394
So I'm gonna talk to you later, okay?
1058
00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:32,504
Okay, well maybe I can meet you... Hello?
1059
00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:34,499
Babe?
1060
00:53:34,911 --> 00:53:36,242
Nobody ever came close?
1061
00:53:36,446 --> 00:53:42,214
Oh, no. I had this epic nine year thing
from college with this guy Andy,
1062
00:53:42,285 --> 00:53:44,253
but it ended,
1063
00:53:44,788 --> 00:53:46,187
badly.
1064
00:53:47,123 --> 00:53:51,560
I don't know. Just not much of note since.
1065
00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:53,755
- I'm surprised.
- Oh, well.
1066
00:53:54,164 --> 00:53:57,793
I don't get how people meet people
if it isn't through college or work.
1067
00:53:57,867 --> 00:53:58,856
Yeah.
1068
00:53:59,069 --> 00:54:02,835
Anyway, so how about you.
How did you meet your wife?
1069
00:54:02,906 --> 00:54:04,601
- College. Yep.
- Right.
1070
00:54:04,674 --> 00:54:06,574
- What could go wrong?
- Yeah.
1071
00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:08,404
What did?
1072
00:54:09,512 --> 00:54:12,242
You know, nothing really.
There's no big story there.
1073
00:54:12,315 --> 00:54:13,839
We just fell out of love.
1074
00:54:14,951 --> 00:54:17,215
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
1075
00:54:17,287 --> 00:54:20,848
We had been going through the motions
for years, for the kids,
1076
00:54:20,924 --> 00:54:25,793
and it just seemed like a crazy way
to spend your life, I mean,
1077
00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:27,759
- we're not dead yet.
- Right.
1078
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:31,400
So look, this is me.
1079
00:54:33,069 --> 00:54:38,302
So I can either call you a car,
or maybe you want to come up for a drink,
1080
00:54:38,375 --> 00:54:39,501
in a real glass.
1081
00:54:42,679 --> 00:54:47,139
I would love to, but I should go home.
1082
00:54:47,550 --> 00:54:48,676
- You know...
- Yeah.
1083
00:54:53,290 --> 00:54:55,815
- I have a baby.
- Okay.
1084
00:54:55,892 --> 00:54:57,723
- But there's no guy.
- Great.
1085
00:54:57,794 --> 00:55:00,126
I mean, there's a guy, but he's not my guy.
1086
00:55:00,196 --> 00:55:02,858
I mean, he's a friend guy,
but I'm totally unattached.
1087
00:55:02,932 --> 00:55:04,490
- Even better.
- Except for my kid.
1088
00:55:05,502 --> 00:55:08,733
- Yeah, of course.
- Are you sure you still want to...
1089
00:55:09,539 --> 00:55:12,440
Wow, do you always talk this much?
1090
00:55:12,542 --> 00:55:14,476
Maybe. Sorry.
1091
00:55:33,697 --> 00:55:34,994
- Morning, Gord.
- Morning.
1092
00:55:35,665 --> 00:55:37,155
It's a great day, isn't it?
1093
00:55:44,007 --> 00:55:45,338
Oh, my God.
1094
00:55:46,443 --> 00:55:48,104
Wow. Someone got lucky.
1095
00:55:48,878 --> 00:55:50,607
You have no idea.
1096
00:55:51,014 --> 00:55:52,777
- Is he asleep?
- Yeah.
1097
00:55:53,216 --> 00:55:55,878
This guy is amazing.
1098
00:55:56,353 --> 00:55:58,218
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
1099
00:55:58,288 --> 00:56:03,385
I mean, who knew there were men like this
out there in the world?
1100
00:56:04,094 --> 00:56:06,528
- Really?
- He's like, he's a man.
1101
00:56:06,596 --> 00:56:10,123
He's like a real, grown-up man.
1102
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:12,998
So the exercises paid off.
1103
00:56:13,069 --> 00:56:14,127
The what?
1104
00:56:16,606 --> 00:56:20,940
Oh, yes, I think so. I think it was pretty tight.
1105
00:56:21,411 --> 00:56:25,279
- Wow, and you were so worried.
- I know, I know, I mean...
1106
00:56:27,117 --> 00:56:32,054
Thank you. He's so big, it could be that
that just canceled out any looseness.
1107
00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:36,324
I mean, the last guy I had sex with was you
and this was like a quantum leap size-wise,
1108
00:56:36,426 --> 00:56:40,760
so I think it might end up being
the same tightness overall.
1109
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,392
Oh, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean it that way.
1110
00:56:46,469 --> 00:56:49,802
No, you were totally perfectly in proportion
to your height.
1111
00:56:50,140 --> 00:56:51,630
Kurt's really tall, so...
1112
00:56:51,841 --> 00:56:53,672
- Kurt, huh?
- Yeah.
1113
00:56:53,743 --> 00:56:55,734
Is he a Nazi? Nazi basketball player?
1114
00:56:56,846 --> 00:56:58,336
- What?
- Nothing.
1115
00:56:58,415 --> 00:57:01,942
Oh, thank you for asking
about my night, by the way.
1116
00:57:02,018 --> 00:57:05,249
- Joe had explosive diarrhea.
- Oh, no.
1117
00:57:05,655 --> 00:57:06,644
Twice.
1118
00:57:07,123 --> 00:57:09,648
I scrubbed everything with bleach,
even the baseboards,
1119
00:57:09,726 --> 00:57:12,251
I did laundry,
and I waited up for you to come home,
1120
00:57:12,328 --> 00:57:13,590
so I could go see my girlfriend,
1121
00:57:13,663 --> 00:57:17,360
but I never heard from you
because you were fucking Dirk Diggler.
1122
00:57:17,834 --> 00:57:20,928
- So...
- Wait a second.
1123
00:57:21,004 --> 00:57:22,995
I'm sorry.
1124
00:57:23,873 --> 00:57:26,034
- I thought I had your blessing.
- You do.
1125
00:57:26,109 --> 00:57:28,942
You always said if I was on a date
and it was going well, to just go for it.
1126
00:57:29,012 --> 00:57:30,775
- That's what we...
- Yeah, no, that's great.
1127
00:57:30,847 --> 00:57:34,078
That's perfect.
A call or a text would have been nice,
1128
00:57:34,150 --> 00:57:37,984
but I'm incredibly relieved to know
your pussy is still tight.
1129
00:57:39,522 --> 00:57:42,980
So, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go shower, change,
1130
00:57:43,159 --> 00:57:47,596
and try and reclaim a small shred of
my masculinity before going to work.
1131
00:57:48,565 --> 00:57:49,827
To try and sell beer.
1132
00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:53,192
- So, you're on duty tonight.
- Okay.
1133
00:57:53,903 --> 00:57:55,370
- All night!
- Okay.
1134
00:58:09,886 --> 00:58:11,478
Ski trip! Leave in 20.
1135
00:58:13,356 --> 00:58:16,052
- You do not sound excited.
- I'm excited!
1136
00:58:22,098 --> 00:58:24,965
No, we're good. We're gonna get
on the road in 15, 20 at the most,
1137
00:58:25,034 --> 00:58:27,025
which basically means 45 minutes.
1138
00:58:27,270 --> 00:58:29,704
I'm doing only slightly better myself.
1139
00:58:29,906 --> 00:58:33,000
Honey, did you find the sled yet?
1140
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:34,833
I did everything you asked!
1141
00:58:35,011 --> 00:58:36,000
Thank you.
1142
00:58:36,079 --> 00:58:37,910
Oh, my God, I've been getting
really excited about this trip.
1143
00:58:37,981 --> 00:58:40,313
- I think it's gonna be fun.
- Do you think it's too soon?
1144
00:58:40,383 --> 00:58:41,714
What? With Kurt?
1145
00:58:41,784 --> 00:58:47,279
Yeah, I mean, meeting the friends,
and Jason and dancer girl with the tits.
1146
00:58:47,357 --> 00:58:48,585
Is this a terrible idea?
1147
00:58:48,791 --> 00:58:50,691
Stop it, it's a great idea.
1148
00:58:50,927 --> 00:58:52,394
Kurt gets it, he's got kids.
1149
00:58:52,462 --> 00:58:53,895
- Hey.
- Oh, there's Jason.
1150
00:58:54,063 --> 00:58:55,928
I should go. I'll call you from the road.
I love you.
1151
00:58:56,099 --> 00:58:57,532
- Okay, babe, love you.
- Bye.
1152
00:58:58,301 --> 00:59:01,964
Hey, thank you. Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
1153
00:59:02,071 --> 00:59:06,007
Hey, buddy, how you doing? Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
1154
00:59:07,477 --> 00:59:09,240
I'll get it. Hello?
1155
00:59:09,712 --> 00:59:11,703
- Sorry, I must have pressed the wrong...
- Oh, no, no, no.
1156
00:59:11,781 --> 00:59:16,775
No, that's me. Hey, Kurt, it's me.
That's just Jason, my friend.
1157
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,554
My baby... Joe's dad, that's just Joe's dad.
1158
00:59:21,624 --> 00:59:22,989
Come on up.
1159
00:59:28,164 --> 00:59:29,188
I...
1160
00:59:29,265 --> 00:59:31,426
So, are you guys all packed?
1161
00:59:31,501 --> 00:59:35,665
Oh, no, not quite. MJ's still in bed.
We had a pretty late night.
1162
00:59:36,439 --> 00:59:37,599
Right.
1163
00:59:37,807 --> 00:59:40,207
Well, do you want us to wait for you guys,
we have room for...
1164
00:59:40,276 --> 00:59:42,403
No, we rented a car.
1165
00:59:42,478 --> 00:59:45,641
Thought it would be more romantic
to take our time, stop along the way.
1166
00:59:45,748 --> 00:59:47,375
Never been on a road trip together.
1167
00:59:47,750 --> 00:59:49,741
Right. Right. Of course.
1168
00:59:55,758 --> 00:59:58,249
- Well, I better get going.
- Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah.
1169
00:59:58,428 --> 00:59:59,827
- Here you go.
- Okay, bud.
1170
01:00:00,330 --> 01:00:01,422
Okay, bud.
1171
01:00:01,598 --> 01:00:02,724
- All right, I got you.
- All right.
1172
01:00:02,799 --> 01:00:04,061
All right, well, have a great drive.
1173
01:00:04,133 --> 01:00:05,191
- We'll see you up there.
- Thank you.
1174
01:00:07,370 --> 01:00:09,304
Wow, you must be Kurt.
1175
01:00:09,472 --> 01:00:11,531
- Yeah, yeah. Hey, babe.
- Hi.
1176
01:00:12,308 --> 01:00:13,468
Boy, you were not kidding.
1177
01:00:13,543 --> 01:00:16,512
You are one extremely handsome
German man.
1178
01:00:17,013 --> 01:00:18,947
I'm actually from Long Island,
but, how are you?
1179
01:00:20,149 --> 01:00:23,550
Right. I'm Jason. This is my son.
1180
01:00:24,253 --> 01:00:25,242
- Hey, buddy.
- They know each other.
1181
01:00:25,321 --> 01:00:27,812
- Take it up top. Take it up top.
- Who's that? Who's that?
1182
01:00:27,890 --> 01:00:28,879
That hurts!
1183
01:00:29,626 --> 01:00:30,957
Oh, come here, you.
1184
01:00:31,194 --> 01:00:34,163
- Oh, I got you. I got you.
- You want Kurt? You want Kurt?
1185
01:00:34,230 --> 01:00:36,391
- Hey, buddy, good to see you again. Yeah.
- I know. I know.
1186
01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:37,797
- Hi.
- Hey, how are you?
1187
01:00:37,867 --> 01:00:40,301
I'm good. Oh, it's your best friend!
1188
01:00:40,670 --> 01:00:42,001
It's your best friend!
1189
01:00:42,171 --> 01:00:43,695
- What have I got in here?
- What did you bring?
1190
01:00:43,873 --> 01:00:46,307
Look at that treat. Check that out.
1191
01:00:46,376 --> 01:00:47,900
- Look at that.
- That's yummy.
1192
01:00:47,977 --> 01:00:49,171
That's so nice of you.
1193
01:00:49,345 --> 01:00:52,405
You know what, we don't actually
allow sweets this early in the day.
1194
01:00:52,749 --> 01:00:56,116
Oh, you know what,
but this is actually the fake stuff, carob.
1195
01:00:56,185 --> 01:00:57,311
It just looks like chocolate.
1196
01:00:57,387 --> 01:01:01,448
The good thing is, he won't notice
the difference for another two years.
1197
01:01:01,524 --> 01:01:02,513
I hope that's okay.
1198
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:05,891
Yeah, that's fine.
1199
01:01:17,874 --> 01:01:20,206
You gonna carry the boots, Cole?
1200
01:01:32,455 --> 01:01:35,288
Pretty great, huh? What do you think, bud?
1201
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,654
- I'm moving in. Don't tell Alex.
- I want to stay forever. Can we?
1202
01:01:40,730 --> 01:01:41,958
Oh, my God, look, look, look.
1203
01:01:42,031 --> 01:01:44,932
We're gonna put it right over there.
Don't get too close to that fire.
1204
01:01:45,101 --> 01:01:46,693
Do you see that?
1205
01:01:48,037 --> 01:01:49,834
Seriously, look at all the men.
1206
01:01:50,306 --> 01:01:51,898
I'm happy with all the accessories.
1207
01:01:52,108 --> 01:01:53,473
And then look at him.
1208
01:01:54,143 --> 01:01:55,167
- I know.
- Ready?
1209
01:01:55,278 --> 01:01:56,575
But he did that!
1210
01:01:56,646 --> 01:01:59,046
Reinforcements flying in.
1211
01:02:01,184 --> 01:02:06,349
Oh, my God. Miss, you want some... Sorry!
1212
01:02:06,422 --> 01:02:07,719
- Hey, everybody!
- Do you wanna top up?
1213
01:02:07,824 --> 01:02:09,416
- Hey!
- This is MJ.
1214
01:02:09,759 --> 01:02:10,953
Hi.
1215
01:02:11,794 --> 01:02:14,592
- Good God, hello.
- This is Alex right here. MJ.
1216
01:02:14,664 --> 01:02:16,495
- Alex. MJ.
- Hi, I'm Alex.
1217
01:02:16,566 --> 01:02:18,500
- Hi, Alex. How are you?
- How are you?
1218
01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:20,433
- Good, nice to meet you.
- Holy God.
1219
01:02:20,503 --> 01:02:21,595
- Hey, man.
- Well done.
1220
01:02:21,671 --> 01:02:24,367
- I'm sorry about my husband. I'm Leslie.
- Hi. It's okay. Hi. How are you?
1221
01:02:24,674 --> 01:02:26,539
That was good help, buddy,
thank you very much.
1222
01:02:26,609 --> 01:02:27,940
- Did you meet MJ?
- Yeah, we just met.
1223
01:02:28,010 --> 01:02:29,773
- Hey, did you meet MJ?
- I did. I met her.
1224
01:02:29,846 --> 01:02:32,007
Good. Did you meet everybody?
1225
01:02:32,348 --> 01:02:33,474
Hi, I'm Ben.
1226
01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:35,081
That's Ben over there.
1227
01:02:35,651 --> 01:02:36,982
Hi, I'm Julie.
1228
01:02:37,153 --> 01:02:38,848
- Hi, I'm MJ.
- Sorry, this is Julie.
1229
01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:40,650
This is Julie, and this is MJ.
1230
01:02:40,723 --> 01:02:42,918
- Nice to meet you finally.
- Of course. I've heard so much about you,
1231
01:02:42,992 --> 01:02:47,224
I feel like I know you. I have two
of your thongs in my apartment.
1232
01:02:47,296 --> 01:02:48,285
I washed them.
1233
01:02:50,199 --> 01:02:51,530
- Night, you guys.
- Night.
1234
01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:53,732
- Hey.
- Hey.
1235
01:02:53,803 --> 01:02:54,895
I just didn't know what you were thinking,
1236
01:02:54,971 --> 01:02:57,303
if you wanted him in your room
or ours tonight.
1237
01:02:59,208 --> 01:03:01,142
Can you do me a favor
and keep him with you guys tonight?
1238
01:03:01,878 --> 01:03:06,315
It's just, she makes a lot of noise
and between that and the positions
1239
01:03:07,483 --> 01:03:10,384
that we do,
I just don't want to scare him, you know?
1240
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:12,711
Right. Right. Okay.
1241
01:03:13,623 --> 01:03:16,183
Well, sometimes we can be loud, too.
1242
01:03:17,493 --> 01:03:20,155
Okay, all right, great.
We'll take him tonight then.
1243
01:03:20,563 --> 01:03:21,757
- Great, you're the best.
- Okay.
1244
01:03:21,831 --> 01:03:22,820
Good night, buddy.
1245
01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:24,262
- Have fun.
- Thanks a lot.
1246
01:03:24,333 --> 01:03:25,322
Yep.
1247
01:03:40,049 --> 01:03:41,277
Aneurysm or cancer?
1248
01:03:43,319 --> 01:03:45,310
- I'm sorry, what?
- Which would you choose?
1249
01:03:46,022 --> 01:03:48,081
- Neither.
- No, it's a game. You have to choose.
1250
01:03:48,157 --> 01:03:49,215
Which would you rather?
1251
01:03:52,328 --> 01:03:54,922
Think about it, aneurysm, it goes fast,
you don't even know it's happening,
1252
01:03:54,997 --> 01:03:59,195
which is nice, but cancer,
you get to prepare, say your goodbyes,
1253
01:03:59,268 --> 01:04:00,530
maybe write a memoir, so...
1254
01:04:00,603 --> 01:04:02,571
Okay, all right, in that case,
I would go with cancer.
1255
01:04:02,638 --> 01:04:03,662
Okay.
1256
01:04:03,739 --> 01:04:06,071
Right? Because with early detection
and vigilance...
1257
01:04:06,142 --> 01:04:08,667
No, no, no. You don't get it,
you don't get it. You're dying!
1258
01:04:08,744 --> 01:04:10,109
Right? Either way you're dying.
1259
01:04:10,413 --> 01:04:11,880
Okay, got it.
1260
01:04:15,418 --> 01:04:18,251
Why am I dying? Why is this fun?
1261
01:04:20,223 --> 01:04:21,554
Forget it.
1262
01:04:24,193 --> 01:04:28,653
Look, if you want to talk about these
terribly depressing things, I'm totally game.
1263
01:04:28,731 --> 01:04:30,824
All right?
I don't want to ruin your holiday, so...
1264
01:04:30,900 --> 01:04:32,458
How about waterboarding,
how do you feel about that?
1265
01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:33,900
That's good and depressing.
1266
01:04:33,970 --> 01:04:36,996
For the record, I'm against it,
but it is depressing.
1267
01:04:37,073 --> 01:04:40,236
I'm just tired. You don't have to do anything.
1268
01:04:40,943 --> 01:04:42,069
All right, sorry.
1269
01:04:42,378 --> 01:04:43,367
You like this?
1270
01:04:43,446 --> 01:04:44,674
- You want this?
- Thank you.
1271
01:04:45,414 --> 01:04:46,972
Yeah, give everybody the food...
1272
01:04:47,049 --> 01:04:48,539
Oh, we lost one!
1273
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:51,478
You have to eat.
1274
01:04:52,121 --> 01:04:54,316
- Honey, please.
- MJ, I should warn you, we're pretty good.
1275
01:04:54,590 --> 01:04:57,252
We used to have a ski share every winter,
so just try and keep up.
1276
01:04:57,326 --> 01:05:01,319
I'm probably going to be boarding
just because I'm not 100, so...
1277
01:05:01,597 --> 01:05:03,064
Oh, my God.
1278
01:05:03,266 --> 01:05:04,255
Okay.
1279
01:05:04,634 --> 01:05:05,999
Stop it. Stop it.
1280
01:05:06,435 --> 01:05:08,995
Hey, are you sure this is okay?
I can do a half day,
1281
01:05:09,071 --> 01:05:11,938
- come back at 1:00 if you want?
- No, no, no, I'll ski tomorrow. It's fine.
1282
01:05:12,008 --> 01:05:13,566
- You sure?
- Yeah, it's fine.
1283
01:05:13,643 --> 01:05:16,908
Let's go, if you're skiing.
Cars are loaded up, grab your stuff, let's go.
1284
01:05:16,979 --> 01:05:19,072
Hey, Kurt, you in or out, buddy?
1285
01:05:19,415 --> 01:05:21,610
You know, I think I'm gonna stick around,
go tomorrow with Jule.
1286
01:05:21,684 --> 01:05:26,087
Besides, it looks like these guys
could use a little bit of a hand here.
1287
01:05:26,422 --> 01:05:27,582
Oh, God.
1288
01:05:28,491 --> 01:05:30,425
- Just take him, please.
- Of course, of course. I got him.
1289
01:05:30,493 --> 01:05:31,824
Are you okay, sweetie?
1290
01:05:34,764 --> 01:05:38,461
- I'm sorry, is it something I said, or...
- Don't ask.
1291
01:05:47,877 --> 01:05:49,037
Let's go!
1292
01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,471
- There's no line.
- Yeah, we'll catch up.
1293
01:05:54,917 --> 01:05:56,942
So how 'bout the whole
Ben and Missy of it all?
1294
01:05:57,019 --> 01:05:59,351
- Jesus. How 'bout just the Ben of it all?
- Right?
1295
01:06:00,856 --> 01:06:03,051
- That is one long, bad mood.
- Yeah, no shit.
1296
01:06:04,794 --> 01:06:09,026
- Kurt seems like a nice guy, though.
- Yeah. As long as Jule's happy.
1297
01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:12,633
MJ's great.
1298
01:06:13,669 --> 01:06:20,006
Dude, you have no idea.
I have never, ever had sex like this before.
1299
01:06:20,076 --> 01:06:22,067
No, it's crazy.
1300
01:06:22,678 --> 01:06:25,511
- I mean, like, I'm sore from overuse.
- Whoa, dude...
1301
01:06:25,681 --> 01:06:27,911
It's like hurting me just to stand here.
1302
01:06:27,984 --> 01:06:31,317
Seriously, a little sensitivity
for the have-nots, please.
1303
01:06:31,520 --> 01:06:35,081
Sorry. What, you guys
aren't really back in the saddle?
1304
01:06:35,157 --> 01:06:36,886
No. No, sir.
1305
01:06:37,693 --> 01:06:41,595
It's kind of hard to hit it when you have
two kids asleep and drooling on you.
1306
01:06:43,699 --> 01:06:45,963
So, what are we talking? Like once a...
1307
01:06:46,035 --> 01:06:49,630
- Once a month, is what we're talking.
- What?
1308
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,497
Maybe twice a month,
maybe it's not that bad.
1309
01:06:52,575 --> 01:06:55,169
- More when the grandparents visit.
- Oh, my God.
1310
01:06:55,244 --> 01:06:56,871
- I know.
- Oh, my God.
1311
01:06:56,946 --> 01:07:01,645
- I am so sorry, man. I had no idea.
- It's fine. It's fine. It's...
1312
01:07:01,917 --> 01:07:03,282
I feel like we're over the worst of it.
1313
01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:06,111
I've made my peace with it.
1314
01:07:06,722 --> 01:07:09,589
Come on! You coming? Let's go!
1315
01:07:12,395 --> 01:07:13,794
Let's do this.
1316
01:07:26,375 --> 01:07:28,104
You look beautiful, by the way.
1317
01:07:28,377 --> 01:07:31,244
Oh, my goodness, wow. Hi.
1318
01:07:31,313 --> 01:07:32,473
- You look great.
- Thank you.
1319
01:07:32,548 --> 01:07:36,075
I might need a moment to myself here
to think about your face and your body.
1320
01:07:36,485 --> 01:07:38,248
- Go masturbate.
- Okay...
1321
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:40,481
Speaking of masturbating,
who wants some chicken?
1322
01:07:40,556 --> 01:07:42,956
- I do.
- I just love that...
1323
01:07:44,493 --> 01:07:48,293
Guys, guys, just before we all start eating.
1324
01:07:48,731 --> 01:07:52,292
I just wanted to say
how glad I am that we're all here.
1325
01:07:52,668 --> 01:07:55,330
You know, old friends and new.
1326
01:07:55,638 --> 01:07:59,130
It makes me happy, nice to meet you,
young lady.
1327
01:07:59,308 --> 01:08:02,675
And Kurt, if things don't work out
with you and Jule,
1328
01:08:02,745 --> 01:08:05,145
I just want you to know that
we would like you to live with us.
1329
01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:08,312
- Just help us raise our kids.
- Please.
1330
01:08:08,517 --> 01:08:11,884
I just want a role model
for my young boy, so...
1331
01:08:11,954 --> 01:08:14,855
But seriously, I did actually
want to make a little toast,
1332
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:16,983
so if we can just raise our glasses.
1333
01:08:17,593 --> 01:08:18,753
To Jase and Jule.
1334
01:08:19,595 --> 01:08:22,723
That's right. I gotta hand it to you guys,
1335
01:08:22,798 --> 01:08:26,461
a year ago not everyone thought that
this little arrangement was gonna work out.
1336
01:08:27,303 --> 01:08:33,139
But... There was talk
that it might end in tears,
1337
01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:34,640
and lawsuits,
1338
01:08:35,044 --> 01:08:38,172
and possibly some broken bones,
maybe child services being called.
1339
01:08:38,547 --> 01:08:42,313
But it has been...
It has been really impressive to watch.
1340
01:08:43,219 --> 01:08:44,447
Wow, thanks, Al.
1341
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,488
- That's lovely.
- We're proud of you.
1342
01:08:47,123 --> 01:08:48,852
- So cheers.
- Thanks, man.
1343
01:08:48,924 --> 01:08:50,152
Yeah, thanks a lot, Al.
1344
01:08:50,226 --> 01:08:51,420
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
1345
01:08:51,494 --> 01:08:53,621
- Love you guys.
- Cheers. Cheers.
1346
01:08:53,696 --> 01:08:56,130
- That was really sweet.
- You're really sweet, baby.
1347
01:08:56,799 --> 01:08:59,700
So, I'm curious,
whose idea was this anyhow?
1348
01:08:59,869 --> 01:09:01,200
- It was his.
- Hers.
1349
01:09:01,337 --> 01:09:02,599
- It was yours.
- It was mine?
1350
01:09:02,671 --> 01:09:03,763
- Yes.
- You're right.
1351
01:09:03,839 --> 01:09:05,397
She paid me $200,000
1352
01:09:05,474 --> 01:09:08,238
just so she could, like,
get involved with this gene pool.
1353
01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:12,971
No, it was kind of mutual. Right? I mean...
1354
01:09:13,749 --> 01:09:16,843
Both wanted a kid,
and we hadrt met our people,
1355
01:09:16,919 --> 01:09:19,479
so we just decided to do it.
1356
01:09:20,356 --> 01:09:22,916
The truth is they just didn't want
to end up like us.
1357
01:09:22,992 --> 01:09:24,016
I wonder why...
1358
01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:31,192
- Honey, don't you think you've had enough?
- No, I think I'm fine. Thank you.
1359
01:09:34,503 --> 01:09:35,561
Unbelievable.
1360
01:09:42,111 --> 01:09:44,636
- This food is amazing!
- It is good!
1361
01:09:44,713 --> 01:09:45,941
It's so moist.
1362
01:09:46,048 --> 01:09:48,346
- What is that sauce, is that mushrooms?
- It's amazing.
1363
01:09:48,417 --> 01:09:49,714
I threw mushrooms in there.
1364
01:09:49,785 --> 01:09:53,551
So, have you guys thought about what
you're gonna tell Joe when he gets older?
1365
01:09:53,689 --> 01:09:56,214
I mean, I'm sure you're going to have to deal
with some of the same issues
1366
01:09:56,292 --> 01:09:58,317
- that I'm dealing with right now.
- What do you mean?
1367
01:09:58,427 --> 01:10:00,395
How do you explain to your kids
1368
01:10:00,462 --> 01:10:03,022
that their parents
want to be with other people,
1369
01:10:03,098 --> 01:10:05,396
and all of the sort of
conflicting theories on that.
1370
01:10:05,467 --> 01:10:06,456
Right.
1371
01:10:06,602 --> 01:10:09,503
I probably don't need to tell you, you
probably already did exhaustive research
1372
01:10:09,572 --> 01:10:13,565
on how it's gonna affect him,
and the right way to handle it, and all that.
1373
01:10:13,642 --> 01:10:20,070
Yeah, no, I mean we definitely
read all the books, and articles and...
1374
01:10:20,249 --> 01:10:22,149
Blogs, and... You know.
1375
01:10:22,585 --> 01:10:24,348
- On all the various... I mean...
- Right.
1376
01:10:24,420 --> 01:10:26,388
- I mean, we definitely...
- We got into it.
1377
01:10:27,456 --> 01:10:29,981
- All over the place.
- Yeah, 'cause when you're dealing
1378
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:32,357
with something as important
as bringing a child into the world,
1379
01:10:32,428 --> 01:10:35,124
you might want to have
a few key discussions, you know?
1380
01:10:35,464 --> 01:10:37,864
Maybe sign a legal document or something?
1381
01:10:39,101 --> 01:10:43,765
No, this way was more of a "Let's just
roll the dice and see what happens," right?
1382
01:10:44,773 --> 01:10:46,297
It's just a life.
1383
01:10:47,309 --> 01:10:49,834
Yeah, but the proof is in the pudding.
I mean, he's a great kid.
1384
01:10:50,012 --> 01:10:51,411
- He is a great kid.
- Yeah.
1385
01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:53,573
- He's a great kid.
- And funny.
1386
01:10:53,682 --> 01:10:56,674
The kid's got shtick,
already got shtick, this kid.
1387
01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:59,054
Yeah, we think he's pretty great, Ben.
1388
01:10:59,421 --> 01:11:01,616
But do any parents ever say
that their kid's not great?
1389
01:11:02,258 --> 01:11:03,782
I mean, that's like really taboo.
1390
01:11:03,859 --> 01:11:06,760
They'd probably revoke
your parenting license or something.
1391
01:11:07,997 --> 01:11:10,158
What about you, Maryjane,
do you want to have kids?
1392
01:11:10,332 --> 01:11:11,594
Oh, God, no!
1393
01:11:11,967 --> 01:11:15,334
I mean, it's amazing for you guys,
and you're all doing such a good job,
1394
01:11:15,404 --> 01:11:17,395
and you're happy, and it makes sense,
1395
01:11:17,873 --> 01:11:20,967
but I'm like a gypsy.
I do eight shows a week and I'm never home,
1396
01:11:21,043 --> 01:11:24,274
and I have to be able to leave town
on a moment's notice.
1397
01:11:24,346 --> 01:11:27,679
And, honestly, I've just never had the urge.
1398
01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:30,919
And I really enjoy my freedom, so...
1399
01:11:30,986 --> 01:11:32,476
- She does.
- I do.
1400
01:11:32,554 --> 01:11:34,385
- You like your freedom.
- I like it.
1401
01:11:34,456 --> 01:11:36,686
You know, some people
just aren't meant to be parents.
1402
01:11:40,062 --> 01:11:43,395
Look, none of us really
ever thinks we're doing a perfect job.
1403
01:11:43,499 --> 01:11:44,966
- Right.
- God, yeah.
1404
01:11:45,134 --> 01:11:46,931
But it's just par for the course.
That's the gig.
1405
01:11:47,002 --> 01:11:48,799
But then you have those moments,
you come home from work,
1406
01:11:48,871 --> 01:11:51,101
you open the door, your kid runs in
and gives you a big hug,
1407
01:11:51,173 --> 01:11:52,731
and it's kind of game over, right?
1408
01:11:52,841 --> 01:11:55,139
And that's kind of the whole thing
right there, you know.
1409
01:11:55,210 --> 01:11:58,304
But how are you two gonna deal with this?
1410
01:12:00,249 --> 01:12:03,309
I mean, if all this awesomeness continues.
1411
01:12:03,686 --> 01:12:08,555
You know what, I feel like there are so many
unconventional parenting situations,
1412
01:12:08,624 --> 01:12:11,024
I mean, Cole came home the other day
1413
01:12:11,093 --> 01:12:13,323
and asked why his friend Bobby
had two moms.
1414
01:12:13,762 --> 01:12:15,525
- Not everybody is the same.
- Right.
1415
01:12:15,731 --> 01:12:19,861
Well, look, I know for my part,
I'm not gonna introduce Jule to my kids
1416
01:12:19,935 --> 01:12:23,928
until I'm certain
we're fully committed to one another.
1417
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:28,234
It'll be too confusing for them
if they see their dad
1418
01:12:28,410 --> 01:12:30,207
with a different woman
every couple of months.
1419
01:12:30,412 --> 01:12:32,243
- Sure. No, that makes sense.
- Yeah.
1420
01:12:34,083 --> 01:12:36,551
Jase, you're fucked.
What are you going to do?
1421
01:12:37,586 --> 01:12:38,712
What?
1422
01:12:38,887 --> 01:12:40,946
This is the longest relationship he's been in.
1423
01:12:41,156 --> 01:12:43,215
And what is it, seven weeks old?
How old is it?
1424
01:12:43,292 --> 01:12:44,987
Okay, all right.
1425
01:12:45,561 --> 01:12:46,721
You know what, Benny?
1426
01:12:46,795 --> 01:12:50,959
I don't know if you've noticed,
but I have never been happier, so...
1427
01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:53,061
People change, you know?
1428
01:12:53,869 --> 01:12:56,895
God knows you have. What is that,
your sixth scotch? Is that what's going on?
1429
01:12:56,972 --> 01:12:59,566
No, this is not booze...
This is not booze talking.
1430
01:12:59,641 --> 01:13:02,235
I'm just trying to set it straight,
put it out there,
1431
01:13:02,411 --> 01:13:05,903
because I think our friend Kurt here has
actually raised some very good questions.
1432
01:13:05,981 --> 01:13:07,312
I mean, seriously,
1433
01:13:08,550 --> 01:13:10,950
you guys didn't think any of this through.
1434
01:13:12,121 --> 01:13:16,558
You made a totally irresponsible decision
about a kid!
1435
01:13:16,792 --> 01:13:20,284
And, yeah, Joe is fine now. He's one!
1436
01:13:20,763 --> 01:13:24,665
But do you really think
he's going to be okay later
1437
01:13:24,733 --> 01:13:27,031
when he finds out that his parents
never loved each other?
1438
01:13:27,102 --> 01:13:28,194
Even when they had him?
1439
01:13:28,470 --> 01:13:31,997
That it was just some, like, arrangement,
so they could have sex with hotter people!
1440
01:13:32,174 --> 01:13:33,232
Ben!
1441
01:13:33,475 --> 01:13:36,672
Do you really think you of all people
should be doling out parenting advice?
1442
01:13:36,745 --> 01:13:38,042
You really think Troy's doing great
1443
01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:39,910
being around two people
that fucking hate each other?
1444
01:13:39,982 --> 01:13:42,450
- Hey, hey, hey, guys...
- I'm being serious!
1445
01:13:42,518 --> 01:13:44,918
It's a nice night, let's just have New Year's...
1446
01:13:44,987 --> 01:13:48,047
You know, why don't we just dial it down
a notch? I mean, it's a ski trip!
1447
01:13:48,123 --> 01:13:50,284
No, no, no, you know what?
You know what? I'm not finished.
1448
01:13:50,659 --> 01:13:53,457
You think that I haven't
thought this through?
1449
01:13:55,998 --> 01:13:58,262
You think that we don't love each other?
1450
01:14:00,135 --> 01:14:03,662
You know, I've loved this girl
for 19 years, Ben.
1451
01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,634
That is fully half of my life.
1452
01:14:06,041 --> 01:14:08,271
I know everything
there is to know about her.
1453
01:14:08,343 --> 01:14:11,710
I know the mood she's in
when she wakes up in the morning.
1454
01:14:11,780 --> 01:14:14,772
Always happy, ready for the day,
can you imagine?
1455
01:14:14,983 --> 01:14:16,780
I know that she's honest,
1456
01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:19,443
she won't even take the little
shampoo bottles from the hotel room,
1457
01:14:19,521 --> 01:14:21,580
or sneak into the movie theater
for a double feature.
1458
01:14:21,657 --> 01:14:23,989
She always buys a second ticket, always.
1459
01:14:24,393 --> 01:14:26,452
I know that we have the same values,
1460
01:14:26,528 --> 01:14:30,521
we have the same taste,
we have the same sense of humor.
1461
01:14:31,733 --> 01:14:35,396
I know that we both think that
organized religion is completely full of shit.
1462
01:14:35,471 --> 01:14:37,905
I know that if she is ever paralyzed
from the neck down,
1463
01:14:37,973 --> 01:14:40,965
she would like me to unplug her, and I will.
1464
01:14:42,411 --> 01:14:46,074
I know her position on just about
everything, and I am on board!
1465
01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:48,582
I am on board with everything about her.
1466
01:14:48,650 --> 01:14:50,140
So you tell me, Ben!
1467
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:54,580
What better woman could I have picked
to be the mother of my child?
1468
01:14:54,690 --> 01:14:55,679
Seriously!
1469
01:14:55,891 --> 01:14:58,291
What more responsible choice
could I have made?
1470
01:14:58,360 --> 01:14:59,622
You tell me!
1471
01:14:59,695 --> 01:15:01,185
Fucking prick!
1472
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:05,092
Seriously, so whatever happens,
whatever the fuck happens,
1473
01:15:05,167 --> 01:15:07,499
this year, or next year, or whenever,
1474
01:15:09,238 --> 01:15:10,227
we're gonna be fine.
1475
01:15:10,939 --> 01:15:12,031
Okay?
1476
01:15:12,541 --> 01:15:13,633
Okay.
1477
01:15:15,377 --> 01:15:16,639
Whatever.
1478
01:15:17,379 --> 01:15:21,008
You always want to find some way
to stay above the fray, right?
1479
01:15:21,083 --> 01:15:23,517
Have your cake and eat it, too.
Well, guess what?
1480
01:15:23,685 --> 01:15:27,849
If you think that you and Jule
are gonna be BFFs for life,
1481
01:15:28,023 --> 01:15:30,287
- and that Titty McTitteneimer...
- Hey!
1482
01:15:30,359 --> 01:15:31,621
...greatest fuck in your life...
- Hey!
1483
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:34,093
And "Oh, my God, she snowboards,"
1484
01:15:34,229 --> 01:15:38,928
is not gonna make you bored as shit
one day, then you are fucking wrong!
1485
01:15:41,303 --> 01:15:45,740
I mean, Missy and I used to have sex
in the bathroom of the train
1486
01:15:45,807 --> 01:15:47,775
because we couldn't wait to get home.
1487
01:15:48,043 --> 01:15:50,375
She gave me a fucking blowjob
on the Taconic!
1488
01:15:50,445 --> 01:15:51,434
Now look at us!
1489
01:15:55,484 --> 01:15:58,578
But good luck to you guys.
I can't wait to see how it all turns out.
1490
01:16:04,893 --> 01:16:06,554
Sweetie, are you...
1491
01:16:07,429 --> 01:16:09,363
Hey, it's okay.
1492
01:16:46,835 --> 01:16:49,099
Hey, babe, what's up? You okay?
1493
01:16:49,171 --> 01:16:52,004
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- You sure?
1494
01:16:52,641 --> 01:16:54,700
You look a little...
1495
01:16:56,645 --> 01:16:59,136
Sorry, no. It's just stuff.
1496
01:17:38,420 --> 01:17:42,618
Okay, so, Maryjane,
this is my father and my mother.
1497
01:17:42,724 --> 01:17:43,748
- Hi. How are you?
- I'm Marcy.
1498
01:17:43,825 --> 01:17:45,486
- Marcy, it's so nice to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.
1499
01:17:45,560 --> 01:17:47,323
- That's my dad.
- Hi, Phil. How are you?
1500
01:17:47,396 --> 01:17:49,421
- You were stunning. Absolutely stunning.
- Thank you. Thank you.
1501
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:53,328
Hey, good morning.
1502
01:17:55,003 --> 01:17:56,061
They look beautiful.
1503
01:18:35,577 --> 01:18:37,204
Mom, I'm gonna go.
1504
01:18:39,581 --> 01:18:42,072
- You look beautiful.
- Thanks.
1505
01:18:42,651 --> 01:18:44,812
Are you certain this is okay?
Are you okay with him?
1506
01:18:44,986 --> 01:18:47,420
Are you kidding? I live for this.
1507
01:18:47,589 --> 01:18:49,489
I just wish you'd ask me more often.
1508
01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:53,622
I'm sorry. I didn't know that.
1509
01:18:55,097 --> 01:18:57,759
See, that's my baby.
1510
01:18:58,300 --> 01:19:00,632
Your momma is my baby.
1511
01:19:02,170 --> 01:19:04,502
Okay, gorgeous boy,
let's go get you dressed.
1512
01:19:04,673 --> 01:19:06,800
All right, sweetheart. I love you.
1513
01:19:08,143 --> 01:19:09,337
- Bye.
- Bye.
1514
01:19:09,811 --> 01:19:10,800
Love you.
1515
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:12,811
Thanks, Mom.
1516
01:19:19,421 --> 01:19:20,479
Hey.
1517
01:19:21,490 --> 01:19:22,752
- Hi.
- Happy birthday.
1518
01:19:22,924 --> 01:19:24,824
- Thanks.
- Wow, you look great.
1519
01:19:24,893 --> 01:19:25,882
Thanks.
1520
01:19:26,628 --> 01:19:28,357
Where is everybody?
I thought I'd be the last.
1521
01:19:28,997 --> 01:19:30,225
You are.
1522
01:19:30,532 --> 01:19:32,261
- What?
- It's just us.
1523
01:19:32,334 --> 01:19:34,097
- Your table is ready.
- Thank you.
1524
01:19:34,970 --> 01:19:37,370
Don't tell me everybody's sitter crapped out.
1525
01:19:37,439 --> 01:19:40,966
- Yeah, something like that.
- I'm sorry, doll, that sucks.
1526
01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:42,270
- Thank you. It's all right.
- Thanks.
1527
01:19:44,212 --> 01:19:45,975
Well, where's Kurt?
1528
01:19:46,948 --> 01:19:49,314
Kurt is not coming.
1529
01:19:50,519 --> 01:19:52,714
Oh, shit. You guys have a fight?
1530
01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:54,413
No.
1531
01:19:59,961 --> 01:20:01,690
I don't understand, so what's wrong?
1532
01:20:02,030 --> 01:20:05,466
Nothing. Nothing. Kurt is...
1533
01:20:06,868 --> 01:20:07,892
Perfect.
1534
01:20:07,969 --> 01:20:10,369
Yes. It's annoying.
1535
01:20:14,876 --> 01:20:18,312
- He wants me to meet his kids this weekend.
- Oh, yeah?
1536
01:20:19,247 --> 01:20:22,444
Wow, that's big. You ready for it?
1537
01:20:27,489 --> 01:20:28,478
No.
1538
01:20:29,157 --> 01:20:33,719
Doll, what is it?
You seem weird, or sad, or something.
1539
01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:40,468
Kurt is
1540
01:20:40,535 --> 01:20:42,969
the nicest,
1541
01:20:43,038 --> 01:20:44,699
smartest,
1542
01:20:44,773 --> 01:20:46,968
hottest,
1543
01:20:47,042 --> 01:20:49,909
most caring man I have ever dated.
1544
01:20:51,046 --> 01:20:52,035
Yep.
1545
01:20:52,280 --> 01:20:53,406
Seems to have it all.
1546
01:20:54,583 --> 01:20:56,847
Several notches above Andy
on his best day.
1547
01:20:58,186 --> 01:21:02,418
And for some strange reason,
he seems genuinely into me.
1548
01:21:03,625 --> 01:21:05,889
He adores you, it's obvious.
1549
01:21:08,763 --> 01:21:11,197
But all I do when I'm with him
is think about you.
1550
01:21:17,973 --> 01:21:22,603
I didn't invite Kurt or anyone here tonight
1551
01:21:25,046 --> 01:21:27,276
because I just wanted to be with family.
1552
01:21:29,985 --> 01:21:31,475
You're my family.
1553
01:21:32,554 --> 01:21:34,283
You and Joe. Just you and Joe.
1554
01:21:34,456 --> 01:21:37,983
Not my mom, not even Leslie.
Just you guys.
1555
01:21:40,495 --> 01:21:42,395
I'm so in love with you
I don't know what to do.
1556
01:21:42,464 --> 01:21:43,795
Oh, honey...
1557
01:21:47,669 --> 01:21:49,261
Hey, hey, hey.
1558
01:21:50,238 --> 01:21:52,229
It's okay. It's okay.
1559
01:21:59,147 --> 01:22:01,115
Hey, hey, hey, Jule, Jule...
1560
01:22:03,518 --> 01:22:06,954
I don't know
when you started the cocktails...
1561
01:22:07,322 --> 01:22:08,653
I'm not drunk.
1562
01:22:09,090 --> 01:22:10,284
I'm not drunk.
1563
01:22:12,694 --> 01:22:14,127
Well, I'm with Maryjane.
1564
01:22:14,195 --> 01:22:17,631
I know, but you and I both know
that's gonna burn out soon.
1565
01:22:17,699 --> 01:22:19,030
Jule...
1566
01:22:20,235 --> 01:22:21,896
She's moving in with me.
1567
01:22:35,417 --> 01:22:39,615
But all those things that you said
at the cabin, you said...
1568
01:22:39,988 --> 01:22:41,478
Yeah, I meant all of them.
1569
01:22:42,924 --> 01:22:46,451
Jule, I love you so much.
1570
01:22:49,097 --> 01:22:50,086
As a friend.
1571
01:22:52,701 --> 01:22:53,963
You're my best friend.
1572
01:22:55,537 --> 01:22:57,402
You're my best friend.
1573
01:22:59,207 --> 01:23:02,472
I'm just not attracted to you...
1574
01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:06,104
Like that.
1575
01:23:06,614 --> 01:23:09,742
I mean, God knows you're attractive,
you are beautiful.
1576
01:23:09,884 --> 01:23:11,044
I'm just...
1577
01:23:12,354 --> 01:23:16,085
See, I thought you felt the same way.
1578
01:23:17,425 --> 01:23:18,483
Jule...
1579
01:23:32,407 --> 01:23:36,036
"Feel the ground, ants running round.
1580
01:23:37,112 --> 01:23:39,774
"Feel the ground,
you scratched little feet. "
1581
01:23:48,490 --> 01:23:51,653
You know, leaving a rent-stabilized
apartment in Manattan
1582
01:23:51,726 --> 01:23:54,388
is considered a cry for help in many circles.
1583
01:24:00,268 --> 01:24:01,530
Brooklyn, huh?
1584
01:24:01,603 --> 01:24:04,037
Never thought that day would come.
1585
01:24:05,774 --> 01:24:08,265
That's two cards. Just so you know.
1586
01:24:08,410 --> 01:24:10,810
PS 687 is the best public pre-school.
1587
01:24:11,246 --> 01:24:13,908
And you know I can't afford
half of 20K a year for private.
1588
01:24:14,082 --> 01:24:15,310
I don't work in advertising.
1589
01:24:15,483 --> 01:24:17,781
You know I'd pay for school.
I've always said that.
1590
01:24:17,852 --> 01:24:19,183
No, that's not the arrangement.
1591
01:24:19,254 --> 01:24:21,916
Everything down the middle, right? Even.
1592
01:24:22,624 --> 01:24:24,683
So you get to take him away from me?
1593
01:24:26,661 --> 01:24:31,496
- Three trains or a $70 cab ride? That's even?
- Please don't do this.
1594
01:24:31,699 --> 01:24:32,688
Well...
1595
01:24:33,334 --> 01:24:35,962
You can see him whenever you want,
as much as you want.
1596
01:24:36,504 --> 01:24:40,167
I just can't be close to you anymore.
1597
01:24:45,647 --> 01:24:49,606
- Where do you want this, hon?
- Right there is fine. Thanks.
1598
01:24:54,389 --> 01:24:56,482
Babe, you want a latte?
1599
01:24:57,292 --> 01:25:00,784
No, no, I'm on a cleanse.
1600
01:25:02,897 --> 01:25:05,058
I have to drop five by Friday.
1601
01:25:09,170 --> 01:25:11,400
A one, a two...
1602
01:25:15,910 --> 01:25:17,639
Wait, wait. Hold my hand.
1603
01:25:24,519 --> 01:25:26,111
That's what you need.
You need a guy like Jim.
1604
01:25:26,187 --> 01:25:27,415
That is true.
1605
01:25:27,489 --> 01:25:30,424
Wait a minute, I just got him.
Don't take him away.
1606
01:25:30,492 --> 01:25:31,982
You make the rest of us look bad.
1607
01:25:32,327 --> 01:25:33,692
Is it burning?
1608
01:25:33,761 --> 01:25:35,626
It's not burning? Okay.
1609
01:25:35,697 --> 01:25:37,631
- And what about...
- I don't want ketchup!
1610
01:25:37,732 --> 01:25:40,166
Is the ketchup
inside your nostril still burning, Milo?
1611
01:25:40,702 --> 01:25:42,101
- It's wet.
- Who made it wet?
1612
01:25:42,170 --> 01:25:44,138
- Whose big idea was that?
- Stop it. You guys.
1613
01:25:44,205 --> 01:25:46,173
You guys, I mean it. No, no, no.
We're doing so well.
1614
01:25:46,241 --> 01:25:48,801
Why would you wanna bring your kids
to a place like this?
1615
01:25:48,877 --> 01:25:50,606
People are fucking crazy.
1616
01:25:52,680 --> 01:25:53,669
- Yeah.
- Good job.
1617
01:25:53,815 --> 01:25:55,646
Please, please, please don't.
Okay, thank you very much.
1618
01:25:55,717 --> 01:25:57,810
- Hi.
- Your kids are adorable.
1619
01:25:57,886 --> 01:26:00,946
Thank you. We thought we'd try.
See how far we get.
1620
01:26:01,022 --> 01:26:02,011
It's my husband's birthday.
1621
01:26:02,557 --> 01:26:04,286
- Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
1622
01:26:05,059 --> 01:26:09,393
- How old are they?
- She is seven, and the twins are five.
1623
01:26:10,565 --> 01:26:13,534
I have a boy.
He's gonna be two in a few months.
1624
01:26:13,601 --> 01:26:15,592
Oh, God. Get ready.
1625
01:26:17,172 --> 01:26:18,161
Thanks.
1626
01:26:19,440 --> 01:26:21,305
Actually, now I miss twos.
1627
01:26:22,977 --> 01:26:25,207
All right, you guys, listen.
Those nice people next to us,
1628
01:26:25,280 --> 01:26:29,444
they don't want French fries flying
into their plates, okay?
1629
01:26:29,517 --> 01:26:31,917
So if you eat everything,
and if you eat nicely,
1630
01:26:31,986 --> 01:26:34,352
we can have ice cream for dessert.
1631
01:26:39,494 --> 01:26:42,361
Hey, he's ready. I'll go get him.
1632
01:26:42,430 --> 01:26:46,730
- Hey, did you hear? They're closing Ollie's.
- No, I hadrt.
1633
01:26:47,168 --> 01:26:48,260
End of an era.
1634
01:26:48,436 --> 01:26:50,427
- Let me... I'll go grab him.
- Okay.
1635
01:26:50,505 --> 01:26:51,904
Sweetie, your dad's here.
1636
01:26:52,607 --> 01:26:55,440
Hi! Oh, my goodness, you're gorgeous.
1637
01:26:55,510 --> 01:26:58,445
- Hi. So happy to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
1638
01:26:59,080 --> 01:27:01,674
We were just drinking heavily by ourselves.
1639
01:27:01,749 --> 01:27:04,240
- Thank you for saving us.
- Heavily. That's the best.
1640
01:27:05,253 --> 01:27:06,914
- That's even worse.
- I don't know whose it is.
1641
01:27:06,988 --> 01:27:09,115
It just comes out sometimes.
1642
01:27:11,192 --> 01:27:13,990
- Thanks for coming out, man.
- Yeah, sure.
1643
01:27:14,529 --> 01:27:17,362
- It's been a while.
- Yes, it has.
1644
01:27:19,300 --> 01:27:22,463
I just wanted to apologize in person,
by the way.
1645
01:27:23,438 --> 01:27:28,239
For being such a profound asshole
up in Vermont.
1646
01:27:28,576 --> 01:27:30,976
I was in a really bad place, man.
1647
01:27:31,546 --> 01:27:33,912
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you. Thanks.
1648
01:27:35,650 --> 01:27:36,844
Yeah, that wasrt great.
1649
01:27:40,188 --> 01:27:42,622
But you know what? You were right.
1650
01:27:43,791 --> 01:27:45,520
About pretty much everything.
1651
01:27:47,495 --> 01:27:49,326
Yeah, Alex told me about MJ.
Sorry about that.
1652
01:27:49,397 --> 01:27:51,831
Oh, no, that's fine.
1653
01:27:56,070 --> 01:27:58,004
It's everything else that really sucks.
1654
01:27:59,140 --> 01:28:01,370
Yeah, I heard about that, too.
1655
01:28:02,210 --> 01:28:05,008
It's amazing how fleeting it is, you know?
1656
01:28:06,381 --> 01:28:08,508
That thing, whatever it is.
1657
01:28:10,852 --> 01:28:12,251
Being into someone new.
1658
01:28:13,855 --> 01:28:15,982
Yes, I've had a few
one-night versions of that
1659
01:28:16,057 --> 01:28:19,083
over the last six months.
Not that I'm particularly proud of, but...
1660
01:28:19,360 --> 01:28:23,490
No, it's crazy. It's like one day,
they're the hottest thing on two legs,
1661
01:28:23,564 --> 01:28:27,625
and then the next,
they just look ugly to you.
1662
01:28:28,836 --> 01:28:30,963
That's why you stay with someone
1663
01:28:31,039 --> 01:28:34,668
you want to be with
under the worst possible circumstances.
1664
01:28:36,010 --> 01:28:40,572
That's what Missy and I didn't have.
When things were great, we were great.
1665
01:28:40,915 --> 01:28:43,975
As soon as things got hard,
1666
01:28:44,052 --> 01:28:45,679
we didn't want to be
anywhere near each other.
1667
01:28:52,360 --> 01:28:54,954
I had a really dirty dream about her.
1668
01:28:55,396 --> 01:28:57,125
MJ? I had like 10. Dude...
1669
01:28:57,198 --> 01:28:59,325
No. Dude, Julie.
1670
01:29:03,604 --> 01:29:04,730
Julie.
1671
01:29:04,806 --> 01:29:05,898
- Really?
- Yeah.
1672
01:29:06,708 --> 01:29:11,475
I don't know. I'm... You know.
It's like... Fucking Jesus.
1673
01:29:13,981 --> 01:29:17,747
So why didn't you guys ever even try
being together?
1674
01:29:17,819 --> 01:29:21,050
I mean, after Andy was out of the picture,
you were right there.
1675
01:29:21,122 --> 01:29:24,580
I don't know, man.
Just too much familiarity, you know?
1676
01:29:26,761 --> 01:29:28,058
Nothing surprising.
1677
01:29:29,997 --> 01:29:33,125
It's like she's one of my limbs or something.
1678
01:29:33,201 --> 01:29:36,432
Like she's part of my body, you know?
1679
01:29:38,573 --> 01:29:41,303
And that's bad because...
1680
01:30:39,500 --> 01:30:40,831
Hey.
1681
01:30:42,403 --> 01:30:44,894
Hi, buddy. Hi, buddy.
1682
01:30:44,972 --> 01:30:46,234
- Did you have fun?
- Yeah.
1683
01:30:46,307 --> 01:30:47,774
Did you save any pizza for me?
1684
01:30:47,842 --> 01:30:50,242
No pizza for me. No pizza for me.
1685
01:30:50,311 --> 01:30:51,642
All right, listen, it's bedtime.
1686
01:30:51,712 --> 01:30:54,704
We should say good night to your dad.
It's way past your bedtime.
1687
01:30:54,782 --> 01:30:57,012
Wait. I just...
1688
01:30:57,084 --> 01:31:00,918
I know the big birthday is next week,
and I just...
1689
01:31:00,988 --> 01:31:03,183
You never opened your gift from last year,
1690
01:31:03,257 --> 01:31:06,090
so I just wanted to get it to you
under the wire.
1691
01:31:06,160 --> 01:31:09,357
That's nice. I don't need any gifts.
1692
01:31:09,430 --> 01:31:13,161
No, just take it. You know.
Throw it away if you want.
1693
01:31:13,234 --> 01:31:14,326
Open it! Open it!
1694
01:31:14,402 --> 01:31:16,893
- No, I don't really...
- Open it, Mommy!
1695
01:31:17,338 --> 01:31:19,306
No, sweetie, I'll just...
1696
01:31:19,373 --> 01:31:21,807
Thanks for taking him tonight.
I had a really rough deadline.
1697
01:31:21,876 --> 01:31:23,776
- Sure.
- Daddy, stay!
1698
01:31:24,579 --> 01:31:25,568
Daddy, stay!
1699
01:31:25,646 --> 01:31:28,706
- Okay, sweetie, we're gonna go to bed.
- Daddy, open present.
1700
01:31:28,783 --> 01:31:31,445
- That's okay.
- Stay and open present, Daddy!
1701
01:31:31,519 --> 01:31:34,283
You know what? This is what we'll do.
We'll open the present real fast
1702
01:31:34,355 --> 01:31:36,289
as long as you promise
to go right to bed, okay?
1703
01:31:36,357 --> 01:31:38,416
- You promise to go right to bed.
- I want Daddy to put me to bed!
1704
01:31:39,961 --> 01:31:42,156
- No, that's okay, buddy.
- I want Daddy to put me to bed!
1705
01:31:43,564 --> 01:31:45,293
Daddy, stay!
1706
01:31:46,033 --> 01:31:48,524
Okay, all right, you know what?
We'll both put you to bed,
1707
01:31:48,603 --> 01:31:50,468
and then we'll open the present,
1708
01:31:50,538 --> 01:31:52,369
and then you're going to go to sleep
real quick, okay?
1709
01:31:52,440 --> 01:31:53,930
- Okay.
- Daddy, stay!
1710
01:31:54,642 --> 01:31:56,405
Here we go.
1711
01:31:57,078 --> 01:31:58,443
Come on in.
1712
01:31:59,981 --> 01:32:03,144
- Sorry, it's kind of a mess.
- Oh, no, it's great.
1713
01:32:03,417 --> 01:32:05,510
Wow, you get square footage
in Brooklyn, huh?
1714
01:32:05,586 --> 01:32:07,247
Yeah, we like it.
1715
01:32:08,456 --> 01:32:12,358
Okay, you're going to open it really fast?
Are you gonna rip it open?
1716
01:32:12,426 --> 01:32:14,519
- Yeah.
- You're gonna rip it open?
1717
01:32:14,595 --> 01:32:16,529
- Real fast.
- Okay.
1718
01:32:16,597 --> 01:32:17,996
It's right through here.
1719
01:32:18,065 --> 01:32:22,434
Okay, bud, let's get you in your PJs,
and then we'll open the present, okay?
1720
01:32:22,503 --> 01:32:25,768
That's our deal, right?
Let's get you your PJs, okay?
1721
01:32:26,941 --> 01:32:28,636
- PJs?
- Top left.
1722
01:32:30,444 --> 01:32:32,173
Good job. Thank you.
1723
01:32:33,781 --> 01:32:35,612
Thank you very much.
1724
01:32:36,951 --> 01:32:38,714
- Here.
- Thank you.
1725
01:32:38,786 --> 01:32:41,448
Ready for rocket ship? Here you go.
1726
01:32:42,023 --> 01:32:43,012
Okay.
1727
01:32:43,291 --> 01:32:45,953
These don't fit that well, huh?
I guess you're getting big.
1728
01:32:46,027 --> 01:32:49,861
- Yeah, I guess.
- Here, let's pull your arm right through here.
1729
01:32:50,298 --> 01:32:51,287
There we go.
1730
01:32:51,866 --> 01:32:54,027
- I do it.
- You wanna do it?
1731
01:32:54,101 --> 01:32:57,434
We gotta get your shoes off.
Let's put you in the bed. Real quick.
1732
01:32:57,772 --> 01:33:00,605
One foot. Other foot.
1733
01:33:00,675 --> 01:33:04,941
All right, there we go.
So now, let's open this present.
1734
01:33:06,447 --> 01:33:08,074
- You wanna tear it open?
- Sure.
1735
01:33:08,149 --> 01:33:10,208
Okay, let's rip it. Okay.
1736
01:33:11,519 --> 01:33:12,986
Oh, my goodness.
1737
01:33:13,054 --> 01:33:14,487
- Oh, my goodness.
- Joe power!
1738
01:33:14,555 --> 01:33:16,079
How did you do that so fast?
1739
01:33:16,624 --> 01:33:18,649
- Oh, my God.
- What is this?
1740
01:33:19,827 --> 01:33:22,057
- What's that?
- A video.
1741
01:33:22,129 --> 01:33:25,587
What is it, huh? You wanna look?
1742
01:33:30,371 --> 01:33:32,134
You wanna open it, sweetie?
1743
01:33:34,141 --> 01:33:36,701
Oh, God. Well, that's just mean.
1744
01:33:37,044 --> 01:33:38,739
- Who's that?
- You wanna know who this is?
1745
01:33:38,813 --> 01:33:42,010
That's Mommy, and that's Daddy.
Can you believe that?
1746
01:33:42,083 --> 01:33:44,847
Looking really, really dorky.
1747
01:33:44,919 --> 01:33:48,685
- That's Mommy and Daddy.
- That's just terrible. Terrible hair.
1748
01:33:48,756 --> 01:33:50,246
But anyway...
1749
01:33:50,324 --> 01:33:53,452
That was before your time.
We went on a really fun trip.
1750
01:33:54,328 --> 01:33:55,659
- And that's you.
- Wait. Wait.
1751
01:33:55,730 --> 01:33:57,197
Look at this.
1752
01:33:57,765 --> 01:33:58,823
That was you.
1753
01:33:58,899 --> 01:34:00,457
- That was you in Mommy's tummy.
- You were in that tummy.
1754
01:34:00,534 --> 01:34:02,024
- Inside the tummy.
- Right there. That was you.
1755
01:34:02,103 --> 01:34:04,071
- Can you imagine?
- There, see. See how fat I look.
1756
01:34:04,138 --> 01:34:05,127
Mommy looks beautiful.
1757
01:34:07,274 --> 01:34:08,536
That was my favorite.
1758
01:34:09,243 --> 01:34:11,370
Okay. Okay, that's enough.
1759
01:34:11,445 --> 01:34:14,243
Right? We made a deal, buddy, right?
Let's get you to bed.
1760
01:34:14,415 --> 01:34:16,007
Let's get you to bed.
1761
01:34:16,083 --> 01:34:18,483
All right, sweetheart. All right.
1762
01:34:18,753 --> 01:34:20,812
Let's take these pillows off.
1763
01:34:21,922 --> 01:34:25,551
I know. I know. Let's get your pillow.
Let's get you cozy.
1764
01:34:27,428 --> 01:34:29,521
I want Daddy to sleep at our house.
1765
01:34:34,301 --> 01:34:36,861
Why doesn't Daddy sleep
in our house?
1766
01:34:36,937 --> 01:34:40,703
Well, Daddy sleeps in his house,
and you know what?
1767
01:34:40,775 --> 01:34:42,902
- What?
- You get two houses to sleep in
1768
01:34:42,977 --> 01:34:44,911
because you're the most special ever,
1769
01:34:44,979 --> 01:34:48,608
and only really special people get
two houses to sleep in.
1770
01:34:48,916 --> 01:34:50,816
I wish I could sleep at your house, bud.
1771
01:34:51,919 --> 01:34:53,443
What are you doing?
1772
01:34:55,256 --> 01:34:56,689
I want to stay in your house.
1773
01:34:58,592 --> 01:35:01,322
Okay, sweetie. I love you so much.
Good night, okay.
1774
01:35:04,965 --> 01:35:07,092
Okay, buddy, good night.
1775
01:35:07,168 --> 01:35:09,227
- I love you. Okay.
- Love you, too.
1776
01:35:12,406 --> 01:35:13,896
- Hey.
- What the hell was that about?
1777
01:35:13,974 --> 01:35:15,441
- You want to tell me what that was about?
- Sorry.
1778
01:35:15,509 --> 01:35:17,841
- I'm sorry.
- You can't say shit like that to a kid.
1779
01:35:17,912 --> 01:35:19,743
- You understand that?
- I know. I'm sorry.
1780
01:35:19,814 --> 01:35:21,145
I just...
1781
01:35:22,650 --> 01:35:25,050
You know, I didn't want him to...
1782
01:35:27,822 --> 01:35:29,084
I want...
1783
01:35:31,926 --> 01:35:32,915
Please don't do that.
1784
01:35:33,294 --> 01:35:34,886
- Please don't do that.
- I'm sorry.
1785
01:35:37,832 --> 01:35:40,995
Look, I don't know
where all this is coming from.
1786
01:35:41,502 --> 01:35:45,632
I'm sorry if you're feeling lonely, or guilty,
or whatever it is you're feeling,
1787
01:35:45,706 --> 01:35:48,539
but, look, you can't come into my house
1788
01:35:48,609 --> 01:35:51,601
and say all this confusing shit
to a two-and-a-half-year-old. You just can't.
1789
01:35:52,346 --> 01:35:55,873
- I know.
- Jase, I'm finally in a good place, okay?
1790
01:35:56,484 --> 01:36:00,921
I'm not angry at you. I'm not pining for you.
I'm dating a lot. I'm good.
1791
01:36:01,789 --> 01:36:04,781
So just... You should go home.
1792
01:36:06,360 --> 01:36:07,691
Okay, I...
1793
01:36:08,329 --> 01:36:10,729
You can get out this way. Please.
1794
01:36:43,597 --> 01:36:45,189
Fuck.
1795
01:38:35,643 --> 01:38:38,476
- What do you want?
- Slow painful death by disease.
1796
01:38:40,281 --> 01:38:43,614
- What?
- I'd like to revise my earlier answer.
1797
01:38:44,685 --> 01:38:49,179
- Okay, it's freezing, and I have no idea...
- I said that I would rather live
1798
01:38:49,256 --> 01:38:53,124
and watch the love of my life
die a slow painful death by disease
1799
01:38:53,193 --> 01:38:55,889
than myself die
a slow painful death by disease.
1800
01:38:58,666 --> 01:39:00,133
I don't feel that way anymore.
1801
01:39:01,302 --> 01:39:04,169
Because the thing is when I said that, I...
1802
01:39:05,372 --> 01:39:09,502
I'd never had a love of my life, okay?
I mean, I didn't know I did.
1803
01:39:10,177 --> 01:39:12,577
I was just too fucking stupid to realize it.
1804
01:39:12,646 --> 01:39:15,240
And it's not because I'm lonely,
or desperate, or whatever else you think.
1805
01:39:15,316 --> 01:39:18,479
It's because I realized
that we got it all wrong.
1806
01:39:19,553 --> 01:39:20,986
- Excuse me?
- Both of us.
1807
01:39:21,055 --> 01:39:24,115
I'm sorry. You're gonna really
come back here and tell me...
1808
01:39:24,191 --> 01:39:27,627
We had this great plan
that we would raise a kid together,
1809
01:39:27,695 --> 01:39:30,858
so we could still have
the romantic part, right?
1810
01:39:32,499 --> 01:39:34,592
But you see,
1811
01:39:34,668 --> 01:39:39,196
this was the romantic part.
1812
01:39:43,077 --> 01:39:45,841
Everything we had was the romantic part.
1813
01:39:48,782 --> 01:39:51,114
Everything else was just filler.
1814
01:39:54,621 --> 01:39:55,713
Shit!
1815
01:39:58,859 --> 01:39:59,848
Shit!
1816
01:40:01,362 --> 01:40:03,159
What am I supposed to do with that?
1817
01:40:04,732 --> 01:40:07,929
I mean, really, what am I supposed
to do with that?
1818
01:40:09,103 --> 01:40:12,004
Just come in here
and say all that great stuff.
1819
01:40:12,072 --> 01:40:14,040
And I'm just supposed
to believe you all of a sudden?
1820
01:40:14,108 --> 01:40:15,575
I mean, after everything
that we've been through?
1821
01:40:15,642 --> 01:40:17,371
- I know what I've said.
- After everything you said...
1822
01:40:17,444 --> 01:40:21,175
I know what I said that night,
and all I can say is I...
1823
01:40:25,419 --> 01:40:28,217
It was just too much, okay?
1824
01:40:30,758 --> 01:40:32,282
I wasrt ready.
1825
01:40:34,762 --> 01:40:37,287
Look, I know my timing sucks, but...
1826
01:40:41,135 --> 01:40:45,731
You're the love of my life, Jule.
You're my person, and...
1827
01:40:49,109 --> 01:40:50,235
That's just the way it is.
1828
01:40:53,981 --> 01:40:55,744
I miss you so much.
1829
01:40:59,586 --> 01:41:04,250
Don't you miss me at all?
1830
01:41:07,761 --> 01:41:09,023
Even a little?
1831
01:41:11,131 --> 01:41:13,827
- I miss you a little.
- Yeah?
1832
01:41:17,137 --> 01:41:22,666
But see, I'm not just gonna be with someone
who's not into me.
1833
01:41:32,152 --> 01:41:34,780
- Does that feel like not into you?
- No.
1834
01:41:35,522 --> 01:41:38,184
'Cause right now
I just really want to have sex with you.
1835
01:41:39,793 --> 01:41:40,885
I wanna fuck the shit out of you.
1836
01:41:42,696 --> 01:41:47,395
Please, please, just let me
fuck the shit out of you right now.
1837
01:41:48,035 --> 01:41:51,163
And if you're not convinced afterwards
that I am into you
1838
01:41:51,238 --> 01:41:54,401
in every possible way
a person can be into another person,
1839
01:41:54,475 --> 01:41:59,105
then I promise I will never try to kiss you,
or fuck you,
1840
01:41:59,179 --> 01:42:03,081
or impregnate you ever again,
as long as I live. I swear to God.
1841
01:42:04,485 --> 01:42:05,577
Okay?
1842
01:42:06,887 --> 01:42:08,081
Please.
1843
01:42:09,356 --> 01:42:10,550
Please.
1844
01:42:12,326 --> 01:42:13,657
What do you say?
1845
01:42:16,763 --> 01:42:18,094
I say...
1846
01:42:20,434 --> 01:42:22,026
Fuck the shit out of me.
1847
01:42:23,337 --> 01:42:24,463
Yeah?