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Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports
is in the little republic of San Marcos,
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00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:34,263
where we're going to bring you a
live, on-the-spot assassination.
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00:00:34,265 --> 00:00:38,567
They're going to kill the president
of this lovely Latin American country
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and replace him with
a military dictatorship.
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00:00:40,971 --> 00:00:44,205
And everybody is about as
excited and tense as can be.
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00:00:44,207 --> 00:00:46,574
The weather on this
Sunday afternoon is perfect,
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00:00:46,576 --> 00:00:50,644
and if you've just joined us, we've
seen a series of colorful riots
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00:00:50,646 --> 00:00:54,547
that started with the traditional
bombing of the American Embassy,
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00:00:54,549 --> 00:00:56,715
a ritual as old
as the city itself.
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00:00:56,717 --> 00:01:00,452
Following that, the leader of
the Labor Union, Julio Doaz
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was dragged from his home
and beaten by an angry mob.
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It was one of the most exciting
spectacles I've ever seen.
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00:01:06,826 --> 00:01:10,327
We'll probably have a videotape
replay of that later on.
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All around there are
colorful flags and hats.
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And now the moment we've been waiting
for is here. Everyone is getting quiet.
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The President is going to leave his office
and walk down the steps of the palace.
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For that, we're going down
on the playing area.
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Take it away, Howard.
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This is tremendous, Don.
Just tremendous.
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The atmosphere heavy, uncertain.
Overtones of ugliness.
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00:01:36,151 --> 00:01:41,254
A reminder, in a way, of how it was
in March of 1964 at Miami Beach,
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00:01:41,256 --> 00:01:43,456
when Clay met Liston
for the first time
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and nobody was certain
how it would turn out.
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The crowd is tense. They've been
here since 10:00 this morning.
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And I think I see
the door beginning to open.
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El Presidente
may be coming out.
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The door opens.
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It's he.
It's El Presidente.
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(CROWD CHEERING)
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Waving at the crowd.
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00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:09,811
(GUNSHOTS)
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El Presidente runs!
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He turns! He runs back
toward the crowd!
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And down!
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It's over! It's all
over for El Presidente!
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This reporter is going to get to
him, if he can, through this mob
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00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,240
for one last word
before he expires.
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00:02:42,242 --> 00:02:46,611
As you can see, this crowd is not to
be trifled with. They're in a frenzy.
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00:02:46,613 --> 00:02:49,313
They're trying to get over
to El Presidente
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00:02:49,315 --> 00:02:51,615
even as I'm trying to do now.
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Would you people let me through?
This is American television.
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American television.
Please, let me through.
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00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,691
We're getting through now.
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00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:04,726
Here we are. Here we are.
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00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:09,030
Sir, you've been shot. When
did you know it was all over?
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00:03:09,032 --> 00:03:11,232
Fascist, dictator.
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00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:16,403
Well, of course you're upset and that's
understandable under the circumstances.
48
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:20,407
I guess now you'll have to
announce your retirement.
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00:03:22,344 --> 00:03:24,210
Good luck to you, sir.
Good luck to you.
50
00:03:24,212 --> 00:03:26,645
And now, if you folks will
bear with me for a moment,
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00:03:26,647 --> 00:03:30,715
I'm going to try and get in a word
with the new dictator of San Marcos.
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00:03:30,717 --> 00:03:35,319
That's assuming I can get through
this noisy and demonstrative crowd.
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00:03:35,321 --> 00:03:37,854
I wonder if you people
would let me through.
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00:03:37,856 --> 00:03:40,122
I see the General
off in the distance,
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00:03:40,124 --> 00:03:44,126
the new dictator,
talking to one of his men.
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00:03:44,128 --> 00:03:46,761
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
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00:03:46,763 --> 00:03:49,029
General, congratulations.
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00:03:49,031 --> 00:03:51,765
General Emilio Molina Vargas.
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00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:54,934
General, a word from you, if you
will, sir, for our viewers.
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00:03:54,936 --> 00:03:59,672
For many years I have waited for this day.
But now I am the State.
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00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:03,909
You may say that, sir, but many
important diplomats contend
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00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,212
that you remain the most
hated man in the state.
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00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,013
I will shut down
the newspapers.
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00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:11,849
I will train my soldiers.
We'll find the rebels!
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00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:17,087
The rebels may be in the form of democratic
guerrilla factions off in the hills.
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00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:19,856
No, sir. We'll find them.
Don't worry.
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00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:22,758
Good luck to you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
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00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,026
Well, you've heard it
with your own eyes.
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00:04:25,028 --> 00:04:27,895
Now we're going to have to see
what the future brings.
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00:04:27,897 --> 00:04:32,866
But right now, from the little dictatorship
of San Marcos in Latin America,
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00:04:32,868 --> 00:04:38,171
let's go back to Jim McLane
in our studios in New York.
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(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
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00:06:21,408 --> 00:06:24,008
Gentlemen, the Execusiser.
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00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:27,144
The latest work in progress
at General Equipment.
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00:06:27,146 --> 00:06:29,412
It's only in the development
stage at the moment,
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00:06:29,414 --> 00:06:32,782
but it should be practical and
in the market within two years.
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00:06:32,784 --> 00:06:34,250
MAN: It certainly
looks impressive.
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00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:38,687
The Execusiser is a device to help busy
executives get their daily exercise
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00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,289
without ever pausing in their
crowded work schedule.
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As you well know, more Americans suffer
heart attacks from lack of exercise.
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00:06:45,161 --> 00:06:48,462
And you know why? That's because
there aren't enough hours in the day
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00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:52,732
to keep physically fit and still
function effectively in one's business.
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00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:56,602
This is Mr. Fielding Mellish, one
of our company's research testers
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00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:58,737
who will demonstrate
the Execusiser.
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00:06:58,739 --> 00:07:02,807
You will notice, every part of the body
receives an adequate exercise workout
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00:07:02,809 --> 00:07:03,307
with this machine.
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00:07:03,309 --> 00:07:06,843
The pedaling action develops the muscle
and keeps the leg muscles flexible.
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00:07:06,845 --> 00:07:09,612
When the drawer is pulled out... When Mr.
Mellish pulls the drawer out,
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00:07:09,614 --> 00:07:12,648
you'll see a weight that has to
be lifted on top of the desk,
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00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:14,549
which exercises his arms
and his back muscles.
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00:07:14,551 --> 00:07:17,885
You'll notice when he reaches for the
telephone, they're both spring activated.
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00:07:17,887 --> 00:07:20,888
Now in that spring activation,
both muscles in the biceps
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00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:23,891
are given adequate workout
to sustain flexible arms.
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00:07:23,893 --> 00:07:26,827
And on the back wall you'll notice
there's a handle for each arm.
95
00:07:26,829 --> 00:07:29,629
As he pulls those handles, the back
muscles are brought into action
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00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:32,531
in a manner that keeps the back
flexible and keeps the back strong.
97
00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:34,966
Notice the basketball slipping
in from the side of the machine.
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00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:40,037
And the basketball, as they're handled by Mr.
Mellish, develop reflexes.
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00:07:43,776 --> 00:07:45,542
You have any idea how many
you can put out a year?
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00:07:45,544 --> 00:07:49,345
We'd like you to manufacture them.
We can let you have the idea.
101
00:07:49,347 --> 00:07:50,412
We can let you
have our patents,
102
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we can let you have the whole
thing on a royalty basis.
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00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:56,918
We can show you how to build it and
how to save money on a cost basis.
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00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,920
You think they'll sell?
No question they'll sell.
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00:07:58,922 --> 00:08:02,657
Get them in the executives' offices,
you can get them in the armed forces.
106
00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:07,128
I'd like that. You'll do business
with the United States government.
107
00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:08,729
I'm not suited to this job.
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00:08:08,731 --> 00:08:11,998
Where do I come off testing products?
Machines hate me.
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00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,002
I should be working at a job that
I have some kind of aptitude for.
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00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:19,205
Like donating sperm to an
artificial insemination lab.
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00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,839
Every day we gotta hear this.
112
00:08:20,841 --> 00:08:23,908
Why did I quit college? I
could've been something today.
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00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:26,510
What would you have been if
you'd have finished school?
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00:08:26,512 --> 00:08:29,746
I don't know. I was in the
Black Studies program.
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00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:31,714
By now I could
have been black.
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00:08:31,716 --> 00:08:35,784
Consistent loser at the table.
That's my weakness. I lose a lot.
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00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:37,385
I don't know what
I'm gonna do tonight.
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00:08:37,387 --> 00:08:40,254
Get a date. We'll double.
Okay. I'll call Barbara.
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00:08:40,256 --> 00:08:43,390
All right. Have her bring a friend.
Forget it.
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00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,691
What's the matter?
I had a date.
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She called it off.
There's a dock strike.
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00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:50,396
Why don't you see what Norma's doing?
She's always ready for action.
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Who?
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Thursday night.
I gotta break the bank.
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00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,935
(BOTH LAUGHING)
126
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,319
You, uh...
You busy tonight?
127
00:09:15,754 --> 00:09:18,955
Some old friends
are coming over.
128
00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:22,458
We're gonna show some
pornographic movies.
129
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,361
You need an usher?
130
00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:27,495
Oh!
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00:09:27,497 --> 00:09:30,764
You're cute.
I'm busy.
132
00:10:31,827 --> 00:10:34,661
I'll get a copy of
Time magazine
133
00:10:34,663 --> 00:10:39,866
and I think I'll take Commentary
and the Saturday Review,
134
00:10:40,969 --> 00:10:43,569
and let's see...
135
00:10:43,571 --> 00:10:45,871
Newsweek.
136
00:10:47,507 --> 00:10:49,940
Grab one of these.
137
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:53,776
I'll take 'em all.
138
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,911
Fifty, a dollar,
a dollar and a quarter.
139
00:10:55,913 --> 00:10:59,314
Hey, Ralph, how much
is a copy of Orgasm?
140
00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:01,049
Just put 'em in a bag.
What?
141
00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:04,485
Orgasm. This man wants to buy
a copy. How much is it?
142
00:11:04,487 --> 00:11:07,788
I'm doing a sociological
study on perversion.
143
00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:11,291
I'm up to advanced
child molesting.
144
00:11:57,872 --> 00:11:59,638
(INAUDIBLE)
145
00:13:12,412 --> 00:13:17,148
Come back, back, back.
More, more, more.
146
00:13:49,549 --> 00:13:51,749
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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00:14:02,461 --> 00:14:04,761
Hi. I'm collecting names
on a petition
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00:14:04,763 --> 00:14:08,765
to request the United States government
to break relations with San Marcos,
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00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:12,368
which is being ruled by a total
military brutal dictatorship,
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00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:14,503
opposed to any concept
of civil liberties.
151
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,706
Would you sign?
Yes, sure.
152
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,543
Sorry. I broke the point.
That's okay.
153
00:14:21,545 --> 00:14:26,381
You wanna come in? I have a pencil.
I'll give you another pencil.
154
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,751
I don't know if you've been
following it in the newspapers,
155
00:14:30,753 --> 00:14:33,053
but soon there's gonna be
a revolution in San Marcos.
156
00:14:33,055 --> 00:14:35,989
We feel that the United States should
give full support to the rebels
157
00:14:35,991 --> 00:14:41,427
and not to the dictatorship, which,
as you know, has been our history.
158
00:14:43,397 --> 00:14:44,729
May I ask, what do you do?
159
00:14:44,731 --> 00:14:48,032
I'm a products tester
for a large corporation.
160
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:51,301
I make sure products
are safe and practical.
161
00:14:51,303 --> 00:14:53,336
Today I tested
an exercise machine
162
00:14:53,338 --> 00:14:57,239
and an electrically warmed
toilet seat for cold days.
163
00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:59,040
Would you like
some coffee or something?
164
00:14:59,042 --> 00:15:02,309
If you're hungry, I could open
a can of ribs if you want.
165
00:15:02,311 --> 00:15:05,912
Ribs? I'd love some coffee, but
I have a lot of work to do.
166
00:15:05,914 --> 00:15:09,348
Here. I'll make you some. It'll
take two seconds to make coffee.
167
00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:13,452
How can I find out more about your cause?
I have a lot of spare time.
168
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:17,088
Would you like to volunteer for
the Volunteers for San Marcos?
169
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:20,624
Is it possible to discuss that
over dinner tomorrow night?
170
00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:24,361
It doesn't have to be tomorrow night.
I'm wide open for the next six years.
171
00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:29,265
Actually, I have a yoga class tomorrow
night and I couldn't miss that.
172
00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:30,733
Yoga. I love yoga.
173
00:15:30,735 --> 00:15:36,505
Do you really? Yoga, it's
one of my great passions.
174
00:15:36,507 --> 00:15:38,840
I love Eastern philosophies.
175
00:15:38,842 --> 00:15:43,311
It's metaphysical and redundant.
Yes.
176
00:15:43,313 --> 00:15:45,413
Abortively pedantic.
177
00:15:45,415 --> 00:15:48,315
I know just what you mean.
Thank you.
178
00:15:48,317 --> 00:15:50,450
Have you ever read
the I Ching?
179
00:15:50,452 --> 00:15:56,189
Not the actual Ching itself, but
I have dabbled in Kierkegaard.
180
00:15:56,191 --> 00:15:58,891
Oh, of course, he's Danish.
181
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:02,260
He'd be the first
to admit that.
182
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:10,734
You know, I was just saying to someone.
Have you ever been to Denmark?
183
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,236
I've been to, yes,
to the Vatican.
184
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:15,572
The Vatican?
The Vatican's in Rome.
185
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:20,710
Well, they were doing so well in Rome
that they opened one in Denmark.
186
00:16:21,345 --> 00:16:22,844
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
187
00:16:22,846 --> 00:16:25,580
I was just saying to someone
that the Scandinavians
188
00:16:25,582 --> 00:16:29,417
seem to have such an instinctive
feel for the human condition.
189
00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:33,854
That's very wise, you know?
That's, I think, pithy.
190
00:16:33,856 --> 00:16:37,624
Oh, well.
It was pithy.
191
00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:40,994
It had great pith.
192
00:16:41,162 --> 00:16:43,462
Yeth, pith.
193
00:16:43,464 --> 00:16:45,063
Pith...
194
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:46,997
Lithen, I have to...
195
00:16:46,999 --> 00:16:49,666
"Listen". I have to go now.
I have a lot of work to do.
196
00:16:49,668 --> 00:16:53,436
I'd love to have coffee, but I don't have
time. I have a lot of bells to ring.
197
00:16:53,438 --> 00:16:55,271
I also have an early class.
It'll just take a second.
198
00:16:55,273 --> 00:16:59,875
I know, but I have more bells to ring
and I have an early class tomorrow.
199
00:16:59,877 --> 00:17:02,177
You're a student?
Yeah, City College.
200
00:17:02,179 --> 00:17:05,914
That's a great school.
I ate in their cafeteria once.
201
00:17:05,916 --> 00:17:08,149
Yeah. I got trichinosis.
202
00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:10,951
I'm a philosophy major.
That's a wonderful subject.
203
00:17:10,953 --> 00:17:14,454
That's a wonderful thing. What is
the meaning of life and death?
204
00:17:14,456 --> 00:17:17,857
Why are we here and everything?
You like Chinese food?
205
00:17:17,859 --> 00:17:20,492
Yeah, that sounds... When?
206
00:17:21,194 --> 00:17:23,727
The night after tomorrow?
No, I can't.
207
00:17:23,729 --> 00:17:26,529
I have a meeting of
my women's liberation group.
208
00:17:26,531 --> 00:17:30,533
You're not one of those... You don't
have hostility to the male sex?
209
00:17:30,535 --> 00:17:35,504
Women's rights do not
automatically mean castration.
210
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:37,972
Don't say that word.
211
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,841
Now I gotta walk around
like this for two days.
212
00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:44,678
You know, I'm that way with
the word "appendicitis."
213
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,945
But castration?
214
00:17:45,947 --> 00:17:48,514
Castration, appendicitis
either one.
215
00:17:48,516 --> 00:17:52,084
There's a difference.
No, there isn't.
216
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,352
What about Saturday?
217
00:17:54,354 --> 00:17:58,022
Listen. Why don't you
take my phone number.
218
00:17:59,291 --> 00:18:00,490
And call me on...
219
00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:05,027
Call me on Saturday, okay? It's
those two pieces right there.
220
00:18:05,029 --> 00:18:06,028
Okay? Bye.
221
00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:09,731
I may be bombing an office
building, but I'll find out.
222
00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:13,134
It was nice to meet you.
Nice meeting you, too.
223
00:18:17,507 --> 00:18:21,375
Wait. You forgot
to sign my petition.
224
00:18:24,279 --> 00:18:25,144
Sorry.
225
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:28,780
Ah, Nancy,
you may call me Fielding.
226
00:18:28,782 --> 00:18:31,516
I think Mr. Mellish
is a little formal.
227
00:18:31,518 --> 00:18:33,050
(LAUGHS)
228
00:18:33,052 --> 00:18:34,084
The two of us together.
229
00:18:34,086 --> 00:18:38,088
Fielding from the Latin, meaning
"strong" or "with strength."
230
00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:41,191
You'll come to lean on that
strength after a while
231
00:18:41,193 --> 00:18:42,959
and to know that
you can rely on me.
232
00:18:42,961 --> 00:18:46,329
I've always been a great
champion of the underdog.
233
00:18:46,331 --> 00:18:49,765
I think anyone
could tell you that, my pet.
234
00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:51,066
(LAUGHING)
235
00:18:51,068 --> 00:18:54,702
See, Nancy, I've always
been devoted to humanity.
236
00:18:54,704 --> 00:19:00,874
To a guy like me, the greatest crimes
are the crimes against human dignity.
237
00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:26,298
How was it, Mellish? Could
you hear the music clearly?
238
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:29,968
This should be a great
seller in California.
239
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,205
(INAUDIBLE)
240
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:37,173
Listen, Mellish, you wanna play
poker tonight? We got room.
241
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:40,075
I can't. I got an appointment.
What kind of appointment?
242
00:19:40,077 --> 00:19:42,277
I'm gonna picket an embassy.
What?
243
00:19:42,279 --> 00:19:45,013
Don't worry.
I know what I'm doing.
244
00:19:45,115 --> 00:19:47,748
(PROTESTERS CLAMORING)
245
00:19:50,419 --> 00:19:52,585
(SIRENS WAILING)
246
00:20:09,570 --> 00:20:12,203
It's a little light.
247
00:20:12,205 --> 00:20:14,505
I'll pull the shade.
248
00:20:23,449 --> 00:20:26,116
Do you have any candles?
249
00:20:26,118 --> 00:20:27,083
No. Why?
250
00:20:27,085 --> 00:20:30,619
This light, this mood,
it's not right.
251
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,593
That's too light.
252
00:20:47,804 --> 00:20:50,271
Is it warm in here?
Warm?
253
00:20:50,273 --> 00:20:51,538
Warm.
254
00:20:59,581 --> 00:21:01,581
Where's the bathroom?
255
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:04,417
The bathroom?
Right there.
256
00:21:21,969 --> 00:21:24,369
Leave a little air.
257
00:22:03,376 --> 00:22:05,209
(COUGHING)
258
00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:10,847
I love you. I love you.
259
00:22:10,849 --> 00:22:13,549
Oh, say it in French.
Please say it in French.
260
00:22:13,551 --> 00:22:17,252
I don't know French.
Oh, please?
261
00:22:17,254 --> 00:22:19,320
What about Hebrew?
Oh.
262
00:22:19,322 --> 00:22:24,258
I was always very shy
when it came to girls.
263
00:22:24,860 --> 00:22:26,559
I remember when
I was a little boy,
264
00:22:26,561 --> 00:22:31,063
I went and stole a pornographic
book that was printed in Braille
265
00:22:31,065 --> 00:22:35,100
and I used to rub
the dirty parts.
266
00:22:36,203 --> 00:22:40,071
I had a good relationship
with my parents.
267
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:41,472
They very rarely...
268
00:22:41,474 --> 00:22:45,442
I think they hit me once,
actually, my whole childhood.
269
00:22:45,444 --> 00:22:50,580
They started beating me on
the 23rd of December 1942
270
00:22:50,582 --> 00:22:55,217
and stopped beating me
in the late spring of '44.
271
00:22:56,486 --> 00:22:58,219
I was a nervous child.
272
00:22:58,221 --> 00:23:01,021
I was a bed-wetter
when I was younger.
273
00:23:01,023 --> 00:23:04,024
I used to sleep with
an electric blanket
274
00:23:04,026 --> 00:23:07,861
and I was constantly
electrocuting myself.
275
00:23:07,863 --> 00:23:08,428
It's funny...
276
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:12,265
I have this dream that I've
had since I was a child.
277
00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:15,368
I had it again
one night last week,
278
00:23:15,370 --> 00:23:17,536
where I'm...
279
00:23:52,172 --> 00:23:55,873
(INAUDIBLE)
280
00:24:15,628 --> 00:24:19,396
I have to tell you something, and
I don't know how to break it.
281
00:24:19,398 --> 00:24:22,599
Oh, Fielding... Why? Is
something the matter?
282
00:24:22,601 --> 00:24:25,168
Have you seen
X-rays of me?
283
00:24:25,170 --> 00:24:26,068
(LAUGHS)
284
00:24:26,070 --> 00:24:29,237
What?
I saw X-rays of you.
285
00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:33,073
I fail to see
the humor of this.
286
00:24:33,075 --> 00:24:35,075
Oh, you didn't
see the X-rays.
287
00:24:35,077 --> 00:24:37,143
Tell me what's the matter.
Nothing. I just...
288
00:24:37,145 --> 00:24:40,980
I'm worried. You know when your heart beats?
My heart is beating.
289
00:24:40,982 --> 00:24:44,850
I just don't think we should
see each other anymore.
290
00:24:45,519 --> 00:24:47,519
Really?
Yeah.
291
00:24:47,521 --> 00:24:49,187
I'm sorry.
Why? What's the matter?
292
00:24:49,189 --> 00:24:53,224
There's just something missing
for me, and I don't know what.
293
00:24:53,226 --> 00:24:56,160
What do you mean something?
Something missing from me?
294
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,029
Yes. What do you mean?
Like what?
295
00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:00,263
Like...
296
00:25:00,331 --> 00:25:03,498
Can you say what is missing from me?
Well, no.
297
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,700
Maybe if you could guess
a few things, I could try.
298
00:25:05,702 --> 00:25:09,570
What do you mean? Can you say? Can
you tell me? Something's missing.
299
00:25:09,572 --> 00:25:12,539
Is it personality or looks
or something like that?
300
00:25:12,541 --> 00:25:15,341
Am I not smart enough? Is that
what you're saying? No. No.
301
00:25:15,343 --> 00:25:19,378
Because I'm not... It has
nothing to do with height?
302
00:25:19,380 --> 00:25:21,446
It has nothing to do with
the fact that you're short
303
00:25:21,448 --> 00:25:24,248
and it has nothing to do with the
fact that you're not bright enough
304
00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:27,918
and it has nothing to do with the fact
that your teeth are in bad shape.
305
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,353
So, what, then? What could it...
I don't understand.
306
00:25:30,355 --> 00:25:33,322
Has it got to do with...
It's not my personality.
307
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:36,058
Do you have fun when
you're with me? No.
308
00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:39,995
But it's not that. I mean, it's not that
I don't have fun when I'm with you.
309
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:44,232
We laugh. We spend days... Don't
tell me that we haven't laughed.
310
00:25:44,234 --> 00:25:47,368
It's not that we haven't laughed.
We've laughed a lot.
311
00:25:47,370 --> 00:25:48,769
Certainly, I laugh a lot.
312
00:25:48,771 --> 00:25:52,205
I can't put my finger on what it is.
I'm just left laughing.
313
00:25:52,207 --> 00:25:55,141
Something's missing. What's missing?
Can you be specific?
314
00:25:55,143 --> 00:25:59,278
The relationship isn't going anywhere.
Where do you want it to go?
315
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,979
Where could we get it to go?
316
00:26:00,981 --> 00:26:03,915
That's not... I don't know.
I love you.
317
00:26:03,917 --> 00:26:06,918
I love you and you love me.
That's all.
318
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,488
And it's not because I don't love you.
Then you love me?
319
00:26:10,490 --> 00:26:11,555
No, I don't.
That's what I mean.
320
00:26:11,557 --> 00:26:15,959
But that's not the reason why. Just something
is missing. I need a very strong man.
321
00:26:15,961 --> 00:26:17,927
It's communication, right?
Well, I'm strong.
322
00:26:17,929 --> 00:26:19,929
I need a leader. I'm a leader.
I'm perfect.
323
00:26:19,931 --> 00:26:23,899
Don't you understand? I'm interested
in so many vital political things.
324
00:26:23,901 --> 00:26:27,869
Me, too. I wanna work
with Pygmies in Africa.
325
00:26:27,871 --> 00:26:30,671
I wanna work with lepers
in a leper colony.
326
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:32,739
I'm willing to...
It's perfectly okay.
327
00:26:32,741 --> 00:26:35,441
I love leprosy, if that's
what you're asking me.
328
00:26:35,443 --> 00:26:38,610
I'm perfectly willing to... I
like leprosy, I like cholera.
329
00:26:38,612 --> 00:26:41,779
I like all the major skin
diseases, so don't...
330
00:26:41,781 --> 00:26:44,414
You're immature, Fielding.
How am I immature?
331
00:26:44,416 --> 00:26:47,283
Emotionally, sexually
and intellectually.
332
00:26:47,285 --> 00:26:48,817
Yeah, but what other ways?
333
00:26:48,819 --> 00:26:50,084
Then maybe it's my fault.
334
00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:52,753
Maybe I just can't give. What
do you mean you can't give?
335
00:26:52,755 --> 00:26:55,655
Then why don't you receive and I'll give?
I'm not ready to receive.
336
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:59,525
Then you give and I'll receive.
Well, I can't receive...
337
00:26:59,527 --> 00:27:02,561
I'm a person who can only
receive if another is giving.
338
00:27:02,563 --> 00:27:05,664
I can't give. I'm sorry. If we
each receive, it might work.
339
00:27:05,666 --> 00:27:08,900
I can't receive. My trouble is
I'm receiving and receiving
340
00:27:08,902 --> 00:27:11,569
and I'm only not able
to give or to receive.
341
00:27:11,571 --> 00:27:13,537
But I would like to give,
if only you could receive.
342
00:27:13,539 --> 00:27:15,939
I can't receive. I don't
know how I can help you.
343
00:27:15,941 --> 00:27:18,341
FIELDING: See, if we both
receive or both give...
344
00:27:18,343 --> 00:27:20,876
I told you, I can't receive
and I can't give.
345
00:27:20,878 --> 00:27:24,646
It's not gonna work out.
It's no use, Fielding.
346
00:27:24,648 --> 00:27:27,115
I'm sorry. Goodbye.
347
00:27:27,117 --> 00:27:29,650
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
348
00:27:30,552 --> 00:27:34,353
Don't worry about me, sweetheart.
I'm like a cat.
349
00:27:34,355 --> 00:27:37,389
I'll always wind up
on my feet.
350
00:27:37,391 --> 00:27:39,858
(WHIMPERING)
351
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:44,229
Can you believe that? She says
I'm not leader enough for her.
352
00:27:44,231 --> 00:27:45,763
Who was she
looking for, Hitler?
353
00:27:45,765 --> 00:27:47,264
Women are very temperamental.
354
00:27:47,266 --> 00:27:51,701
We went every place together, we
did everything, we fell in love.
355
00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:53,269
I fell in love.
She just stood there.
356
00:27:53,271 --> 00:27:56,272
Did you have trouble with her in bed?
Are you kidding?
357
00:27:56,274 --> 00:28:01,277
Do I look like the kind of guy that
would have trouble in bed? (SCOFFS)
358
00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:02,211
I didn't. I didn't.
359
00:28:02,213 --> 00:28:05,847
Is that any reason to quit the job?
I'm so depressed.
360
00:28:05,849 --> 00:28:08,850
I'd kill myself if I thought
that she would marry me.
361
00:28:08,852 --> 00:28:12,553
What are you gonna do?
I gotta get out of here.
362
00:28:12,555 --> 00:28:13,820
I'm going down to San Marcos.
363
00:28:13,822 --> 00:28:18,491
We were gonna go there together on a trip.
We were gonna write a paper on it.
364
00:28:18,493 --> 00:28:20,826
She was gonna write it.
I was gonna type it.
365
00:28:20,828 --> 00:28:23,795
I gotta see what conditions
down there are like.
366
00:28:23,797 --> 00:28:26,731
Jesus, life is so cruel.
367
00:28:27,867 --> 00:28:29,499
See what I mean?
368
00:28:32,103 --> 00:28:33,836
Hi, Mom, Dad.
Fielding.
369
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:35,337
I don't mean to disturb you, but...
Sponge.
370
00:28:35,339 --> 00:28:39,674
I want to tell you that tomorrow I'm
going to be going out of the country.
371
00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:42,610
What? Why are you going
out of the country now?
372
00:28:42,612 --> 00:28:45,913
Leave him alone. It's a very long story.
It has to do with a girl.
373
00:28:45,915 --> 00:28:47,681
Martin, leave him
alone. A girl?
374
00:28:47,683 --> 00:28:51,151
What are you gonna do?
I'm going to South America.
375
00:28:51,153 --> 00:28:53,586
It's a little country
called San Marcos.
376
00:28:53,588 --> 00:28:56,889
I never heard of it, dear.
Forceps.
377
00:28:57,324 --> 00:29:00,224
Forceps, Ruth!
Nice people there?
378
00:29:00,226 --> 00:29:01,658
Nice? Well,
they're...
379
00:29:01,660 --> 00:29:05,361
It's a turbulent situation and I've
been following it for a while...
380
00:29:05,363 --> 00:29:06,562
Sure, you've been
following it.
381
00:29:06,564 --> 00:29:08,163
You should have
stayed in school!
382
00:29:08,165 --> 00:29:10,198
Don't get mad. I have a son
down in South America.
383
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,668
Will you stay out of this, please?
I'm sorry.
384
00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:16,070
Ruth, don't talk to him
about going away.
385
00:29:16,072 --> 00:29:18,238
Talk to him about going to
college, to become a doctor.
386
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,541
Who am I gonna leave this hospital to?
Will you cool it, Martin?
387
00:29:21,543 --> 00:29:24,143
Don't get on his back. I've
been politically involved.
388
00:29:24,145 --> 00:29:26,845
Dr. Mellish, you should
let him have his own way.
389
00:29:26,847 --> 00:29:31,216
I did that with my son. Ruth.
We've been married 27 years.
390
00:29:31,218 --> 00:29:35,820
My name isn't Martin, it's Al.
Al Mellish, remember?
391
00:29:35,822 --> 00:29:38,088
I wanted my son
to be a great surgeon.
392
00:29:38,090 --> 00:29:41,024
FIELDING: I have no aptitude for that.
Yes, you do, son.
393
00:29:41,026 --> 00:29:43,693
Listen to me, son.
You can do this.
394
00:29:43,695 --> 00:29:45,961
You can be a fine surgeon.
Look, take over.
395
00:29:45,963 --> 00:29:49,264
Give me a clamp.
Quickly, give me a clamp.
396
00:29:49,266 --> 00:29:51,532
Give me that.
Here. Take this, Son.
397
00:29:51,534 --> 00:29:55,269
It's silly. Finish
this operation for me.
398
00:29:55,271 --> 00:29:57,237
I can't.
It's ridiculous.
399
00:29:57,239 --> 00:30:01,007
Why are you forcing him?
This is so ridiculous.
400
00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:04,176
He might lose the patient.
You know Fielding.
401
00:30:04,178 --> 00:30:07,746
Sponge. Jesus. I'll
finish this one, but...
402
00:30:07,748 --> 00:30:10,315
That's better.
I didn't even wash.
403
00:30:10,317 --> 00:30:12,617
Put it in there.
I've got it in there.
404
00:30:12,619 --> 00:30:17,355
Now take a clamp and take it out.
Should that be blue like that?
405
00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:18,622
Where?
Right there.
406
00:30:18,624 --> 00:30:21,391
Fielding, go.
Wait one second.
407
00:30:21,393 --> 00:30:24,594
God bless you, but go.
I'm doing the best I can.
408
00:30:24,596 --> 00:30:25,428
And write us.
409
00:30:25,430 --> 00:30:28,063
Nurse! Put your
finger right there!
410
00:30:28,065 --> 00:30:31,299
Fielding, get out of here.
He's doing well.
411
00:30:31,301 --> 00:30:34,769
Fielding, go.
To South America tomorrow.
412
00:30:34,771 --> 00:30:36,937
God bless you.
413
00:30:36,939 --> 00:30:38,838
Go.
I've gotta go.
414
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,974
You're really going?
You're losing the patient.
415
00:30:41,976 --> 00:30:44,776
Martin. Nurse.
Please do.
416
00:30:44,778 --> 00:30:48,813
Incidentally, do you think you could
get me out of here by 7:00 tonight?
417
00:30:48,815 --> 00:30:51,615
DR. MELLISH: I don't know.
I'm going to the theater.
418
00:31:05,831 --> 00:31:10,366
And now,
as is our annual custom,
419
00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:15,337
each citizen of San Marcos
will come up here
420
00:31:15,339 --> 00:31:18,006
and present His Excellency
421
00:31:18,008 --> 00:31:20,775
with his weight in
horse manure.
422
00:31:20,777 --> 00:31:23,744
Horse manure? I thought
they were diamonds.
423
00:31:23,746 --> 00:31:26,546
We are an agrarian country.
Yes, but horse manure?
424
00:31:26,548 --> 00:31:28,915
It will fertilize
your personal crops.
425
00:31:28,917 --> 00:31:33,419
Sometimes food is more
valuable than gold.
426
00:31:34,221 --> 00:31:36,788
(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
427
00:32:29,976 --> 00:32:33,344
We captured this rebel soldier
this morning, Excellency.
428
00:32:33,346 --> 00:32:37,181
Has he given us any information
about when they plan to strike?
429
00:32:37,183 --> 00:32:42,152
Not yet, but he will when our men
get through working him over.
430
00:32:42,154 --> 00:32:44,621
(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
431
00:32:48,660 --> 00:32:53,729
We keep playing for him the
entire score of Naughty Marietta.
432
00:32:53,731 --> 00:32:57,099
It will make him talk.
Please, no more.
433
00:32:57,101 --> 00:33:00,368
I can't stand operetta.
Please!
434
00:33:00,370 --> 00:33:02,436
Talk, you fool, and we'll
stop the phonograph.
435
00:33:02,438 --> 00:33:07,641
I'll talk, I'll talk. But
please turn it off. Please!
436
00:33:07,743 --> 00:33:10,477
When is the revolution
set for?
437
00:33:10,479 --> 00:33:12,145
First week of July.
438
00:33:12,147 --> 00:33:15,848
You are a liar.
That's only two months away.
439
00:33:15,850 --> 00:33:16,815
No! No.
440
00:33:16,817 --> 00:33:22,187
Esposito is timing it to coincide
with the American, Fourth of July,
441
00:33:22,189 --> 00:33:26,391
so as to imitate his hero,
George Washington.
442
00:33:26,393 --> 00:33:27,992
Where does he get
enough weaponry?
443
00:33:27,994 --> 00:33:32,930
Esposito has a way of getting
weapons, but I do not know the plan.
444
00:33:32,932 --> 00:33:36,700
Time is getting short,
but I have a plan.
445
00:33:36,702 --> 00:33:39,102
(OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
446
00:33:40,638 --> 00:33:42,371
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
447
00:33:49,546 --> 00:33:51,245
His Excellency,
Emilio Molina Vargas
448
00:33:51,247 --> 00:33:54,982
requests the pleasure of your
company at dinner this evening.
449
00:33:54,984 --> 00:33:58,685
What? Dinner at the
palace, 8:00 p.m.
450
00:34:04,025 --> 00:34:06,392
Dinner with Vargas?
451
00:34:07,328 --> 00:34:09,995
Dinner with the President?
452
00:34:10,764 --> 00:34:13,231
Dinner with the President.
453
00:34:13,866 --> 00:34:15,298
Dinner with the President.
454
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:16,699
(HARP PLAYING)
455
00:34:25,309 --> 00:34:27,442
Oh, excuse me, senor.
456
00:34:27,444 --> 00:34:32,447
I was trying to find
someplace for practice.
457
00:34:56,739 --> 00:34:58,405
Ah, senor Fielding.
458
00:35:00,542 --> 00:35:04,243
This is Colonel Diaz
and Lieutenant Arroyo.
459
00:35:04,445 --> 00:35:06,845
Senor Fielding, may I say
what a great pleasure it is
460
00:35:06,847 --> 00:35:08,813
to entertain an
American intellectual.
461
00:35:08,815 --> 00:35:14,485
Somebody with whom I can exchange
contemporary political ideas, opinions.
462
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:17,254
I brought you some cake.
Thank you.
463
00:35:20,459 --> 00:35:23,159
Oh, these are prunes.
I like cherry.
464
00:35:23,161 --> 00:35:26,061
They don't make
cherry on Tuesday.
465
00:35:26,063 --> 00:35:30,231
Senor Fielding, dinner is served.
Will you please?
466
00:35:30,233 --> 00:35:32,233
(SILENCE)
467
00:35:52,321 --> 00:35:54,321
(GROANING)
468
00:35:56,758 --> 00:36:00,493
Maybe some poison
in my food, but I am okay.
469
00:36:00,495 --> 00:36:05,464
I have been poisoned so many times,
I have developed an immunity.
470
00:36:25,786 --> 00:36:27,685
(CLINKING)
471
00:36:36,195 --> 00:36:38,828
You are not tense, are you?
472
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:40,996
Tense? No.
473
00:36:45,135 --> 00:36:46,801
(CRUNCHING)
474
00:36:53,009 --> 00:36:56,577
Dinner was delicious.
Thank you. Check, sir.
475
00:36:58,213 --> 00:37:00,580
Who had the roast beef?
MAN 1: I did.
476
00:37:00,582 --> 00:37:03,649
That's 12.60. Who had the
corned beef and cabbage here?
477
00:37:03,651 --> 00:37:07,753
MAN 2: That was mine.
I don't understand something.
478
00:37:07,755 --> 00:37:09,788
There's two roast
beefs on here.
479
00:37:09,790 --> 00:37:11,523
What did you have?
Chili con carne.
480
00:37:11,525 --> 00:37:15,426
Well, there's an extra roast beef.
I had only one roast beef.
481
00:37:15,428 --> 00:37:19,263
There's one chili, there's two roast beefs...
Who had the chili?
482
00:37:19,265 --> 00:37:22,966
I had the chili. FIELDING:
Are you on Diners Club?
483
00:37:22,968 --> 00:37:26,235
You have Bank of America?
484
00:37:26,237 --> 00:37:28,303
Yes.
All right.
485
00:37:28,305 --> 00:37:30,204
Here.
486
00:37:30,206 --> 00:37:33,674
Let's go to the salon
for a brandy.
487
00:37:37,312 --> 00:37:40,680
Can you keep it down?
I'm getting a headache.
488
00:37:40,682 --> 00:37:47,019
And so, I want to do only
what is right for my people.
489
00:37:47,021 --> 00:37:51,189
That is, to protect them
from communism.
490
00:37:51,191 --> 00:37:52,924
I am sure you
understand that.
491
00:37:52,926 --> 00:37:56,694
FIELDING: But Esposito and his rebels are
not communists. They are communists!
492
00:37:56,696 --> 00:38:00,397
Fellas, I think I know
a little bit about politics.
493
00:38:02,934 --> 00:38:05,935
I'll pick it up.
Excuse me.
494
00:38:07,104 --> 00:38:09,671
If I've given a better
life to my people,
495
00:38:09,673 --> 00:38:14,208
I have to exterminate
a few troublemakers.
496
00:38:14,843 --> 00:38:16,876
That's the price we pay.
497
00:38:16,878 --> 00:38:20,512
Yeah, well, I gotta be going.
It's late for me.
498
00:38:20,514 --> 00:38:24,616
It has been a real pleasure to
have this little chat with you.
499
00:38:24,618 --> 00:38:25,883
Thank you.
500
00:38:26,252 --> 00:38:29,519
(ALL SALUTING IN SPANISH)
501
00:38:40,532 --> 00:38:42,331
So sorry.
502
00:38:47,271 --> 00:38:50,605
He's perfect.
I could kill him now.
503
00:38:50,607 --> 00:38:54,842
He brings cake for a group of people.
He doesn't even bring an assortment.
504
00:38:54,844 --> 00:38:56,577
You cannot forget that?
505
00:38:56,579 --> 00:39:01,448
No, no. We'll kill him
as planned, dressed as rebels.
506
00:39:01,450 --> 00:39:03,183
Then an outraged
United States
507
00:39:03,185 --> 00:39:07,854
will see how bloodthirsty
beasts Esposito and his men are
508
00:39:07,856 --> 00:39:10,223
and we'll get
all the support we need.
509
00:39:10,225 --> 00:39:14,093
When can our men get the rebel uniforms?
I spoke with the tailor.
510
00:39:14,095 --> 00:39:18,163
He's going on vacation, and then he
needs three days for the alterations.
511
00:39:18,165 --> 00:39:19,931
Too long.
We'll get another tailor.
512
00:39:19,933 --> 00:39:22,967
But he does such nice work.
Take a look at this jacket.
513
00:39:22,969 --> 00:39:25,436
It was too big.
He took it in for me.
514
00:39:25,438 --> 00:39:27,404
And he doesn't
even charge much.
515
00:39:27,406 --> 00:39:29,439
No. We get another tailor.
516
00:39:29,441 --> 00:39:32,742
I want it to look
like the rebels kill him
517
00:39:32,744 --> 00:39:36,078
not later than
tomorrow afternoon.
518
00:39:38,015 --> 00:39:41,383
Here he comes. I don't feel
good in these clothes.
519
00:39:41,385 --> 00:39:44,519
Neither do I.
He made cuffs in my pants!
520
00:39:44,521 --> 00:39:46,053
What kind of
tailoring is this?
521
00:39:46,055 --> 00:39:50,624
He's not our regular man.
Do the best you can.
522
00:39:52,127 --> 00:39:54,293
(ENGINE FALTERING)
523
00:40:01,535 --> 00:40:03,401
(GUNSHOTS)
524
00:40:34,033 --> 00:40:36,366
So long, suckers.
525
00:40:40,638 --> 00:40:43,438
MAN 1: Wake up. Esposito
wants to see you.
526
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,474
MAN 2: You all right?
Hey, wake up.
527
00:40:45,476 --> 00:40:48,143
Hey, you, wake up.
Senor Fielding.
528
00:40:48,145 --> 00:40:50,745
Esposito wants to see you.
529
00:40:50,747 --> 00:40:52,680
Where am I?
530
00:40:52,682 --> 00:40:54,548
Please, no more Polish women.
531
00:40:54,550 --> 00:40:57,817
We are in the rebel
camp with Esposito.
532
00:40:57,819 --> 00:41:00,019
Blood. That should be
on the inside.
533
00:41:00,021 --> 00:41:03,789
Esposito wants to see you. Come on.
Esposito tried to kill me.
534
00:41:03,791 --> 00:41:08,160
It was Vargas that tried to kill you,
but in the uniform of our people.
535
00:41:08,162 --> 00:41:11,296
So your government
would blame Esposito.
536
00:41:11,298 --> 00:41:12,664
Come on.
537
00:41:41,428 --> 00:41:42,360
I'm Fielding Mellish.
538
00:41:42,362 --> 00:41:45,963
Vargas has told everyone
that you are dead.
539
00:41:45,965 --> 00:41:47,931
That we killed you.
540
00:41:47,933 --> 00:41:49,432
It is in all the newspapers.
541
00:41:49,434 --> 00:41:54,236
Well, I'm very much alive, and I
mean to lodge a formal complaint.
542
00:41:54,238 --> 00:41:54,869
A complaint?
543
00:41:54,871 --> 00:41:57,271
You cannot bash in the head
of an American citizen
544
00:41:57,273 --> 00:41:59,306
without written permission
from the State Department.
545
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:03,276
Vargas cares very little for
diplomatic procedures, my friend.
546
00:42:03,278 --> 00:42:07,780
We'll straighten him out. I'm
afraid you cannot leave here.
547
00:42:07,782 --> 00:42:08,113
What?
548
00:42:08,115 --> 00:42:11,082
He uses you to make a big
propaganda against us.
549
00:42:11,084 --> 00:42:15,519
The one thing he doesn't want is for you
to show up and tell the world the truth.
550
00:42:15,521 --> 00:42:21,324
So, what do you think will happen if you
show your face anyplace but here, hmm?
551
00:42:21,326 --> 00:42:24,026
He will cut your throat
and bury you.
552
00:42:24,028 --> 00:42:29,464
Cut my throat? Do you realize
what that will do to my gargling?
553
00:42:29,466 --> 00:42:31,732
It is war, my friend.
554
00:42:31,734 --> 00:42:35,102
But I'm an American citizen.
Sure. A dead one.
555
00:42:35,104 --> 00:42:37,904
Just how long will it be before
I can go back to New York?
556
00:42:37,906 --> 00:42:40,873
After we win the
revolution, we are free.
557
00:42:40,875 --> 00:42:43,242
And when is the revolution?
Six months.
558
00:42:43,244 --> 00:42:46,478
Six months?
I got a rented car.
559
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,546
You have a chance
to die for freedom.
560
00:42:48,548 --> 00:42:50,581
Yes, well, freedom
is wonderful.
561
00:42:50,583 --> 00:42:51,882
On the other hand,
if you're dead,
562
00:42:51,884 --> 00:42:55,118
it's a tremendous drawback
to your sex life.
563
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:56,385
Are you such a sniveling dog?
564
00:42:56,387 --> 00:42:57,919
Depends on what
you mean by "such."
565
00:42:57,921 --> 00:43:01,022
I'm a good-sized
sniveling dog.
566
00:43:01,758 --> 00:43:05,059
History sometimes
chooses strange ways.
567
00:43:05,061 --> 00:43:07,194
Today you are fearful.
568
00:43:07,196 --> 00:43:10,497
Perhaps one day
you will be a tiger.
569
00:43:10,499 --> 00:43:15,068
Don't hold your breath. If you
ever need a squirrel, call me.
570
00:43:15,503 --> 00:43:19,738
All right, men. Let us sing
the song of the rebels.
571
00:43:20,006 --> 00:43:23,273
♫ Rebels are we
Born to be free ♫
572
00:43:23,275 --> 00:43:26,943
♫ Just like the fish
in the sea ♫
573
00:43:39,390 --> 00:43:43,592
I'll have the grapefruit
sections, two poached eggs
574
00:43:43,594 --> 00:43:47,095
cinnamon toast,
regular coffee.
575
00:43:51,734 --> 00:43:53,633
Perfect.
576
00:43:57,472 --> 00:44:00,473
What the hell
is this stuff, anyhow?
577
00:44:00,475 --> 00:44:02,374
Lizard.
578
00:44:22,796 --> 00:44:24,729
(INAUDIBLE)
579
00:44:48,454 --> 00:44:53,857
(COUNTING IN SPANISH)
580
00:45:14,980 --> 00:45:18,881
TRAINER: Camouflage can
often save your life.
581
00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:22,618
It's essential that
you learn the art.
582
00:45:46,343 --> 00:45:49,477
In the event of snake bite,
you make an incision
583
00:45:49,479 --> 00:45:51,245
and you suck out the poison.
584
00:45:51,247 --> 00:45:56,149
Remember, you suck out the poison.
What do you do?
585
00:45:56,151 --> 00:45:58,017
Suck out the poison.
586
00:45:58,486 --> 00:46:00,619
Suck out the poison.
587
00:46:00,621 --> 00:46:02,687
Suck out the poison.
588
00:46:02,689 --> 00:46:05,956
I will not...
I cannot suck anybody's leg,
589
00:46:05,958 --> 00:46:08,391
who I'm not engaged to.
590
00:46:23,708 --> 00:46:26,475
Snake bite!
I got bitten by a snake!
591
00:46:26,477 --> 00:46:31,346
I got bitten by a snake!
Help! Snake bite!
592
00:46:40,290 --> 00:46:44,025
Our food has run out. We must
make a raid on the town.
593
00:46:44,027 --> 00:46:45,926
It would be very risky.
You must not go.
594
00:46:45,928 --> 00:46:48,028
It is too dangerous. ESPOSITO:
I don't mind the risk.
595
00:46:48,030 --> 00:46:52,165
Another will lead the raid,
not our future president.
596
00:46:52,567 --> 00:46:55,000
What about sending Fielding?
Me?
597
00:46:55,002 --> 00:46:57,235
The men have a growing
respect for you.
598
00:46:57,237 --> 00:47:01,339
It is a chance to prove yourself.
I don't wanna prove anything.
599
00:47:01,341 --> 00:47:02,973
You will fight a hero.
600
00:47:02,975 --> 00:47:04,841
And if necessary,
you will die a hero.
601
00:47:04,843 --> 00:47:09,512
You better get some rest, Luis.
You're beginning to talk gibberish.
602
00:47:09,514 --> 00:47:12,047
The short straw will go.
603
00:47:19,556 --> 00:47:22,156
Well, as long as it was fair.
604
00:47:28,130 --> 00:47:29,896
(INAUDIBLE)
605
00:47:46,915 --> 00:47:49,916
Yes?
Coffee, please.
606
00:47:53,354 --> 00:47:56,221
I also want something to go.
607
00:47:56,423 --> 00:47:59,524
Do you have any grilled
cheese sandwiches?
608
00:47:59,526 --> 00:48:00,391
Yes, sir.
609
00:48:00,393 --> 00:48:03,293
Let me have a thousand.
610
00:48:03,295 --> 00:48:05,395
And, um...
611
00:48:05,397 --> 00:48:07,063
Three hundred tuna fish
612
00:48:07,065 --> 00:48:09,698
and 200 bacon, lettuce
and tomato sandwiches.
613
00:48:09,700 --> 00:48:11,433
You want the cheese on rye?
614
00:48:11,435 --> 00:48:13,268
Four hundred
and ninety on rye.
615
00:48:13,270 --> 00:48:16,504
Let me have 110
on whole wheat
616
00:48:16,506 --> 00:48:19,006
and 300 on white bread.
617
00:48:19,008 --> 00:48:21,575
Fernandez wanted it on roll.
618
00:48:21,577 --> 00:48:23,476
And one on roll.
619
00:48:23,478 --> 00:48:26,245
And the tuna?
All the tuna on whole wheat.
620
00:48:26,247 --> 00:48:30,949
And all the bacon, lettuce and
tomato, we're gonna have on toast.
621
00:48:30,951 --> 00:48:32,350
All right.
622
00:48:32,485 --> 00:48:35,619
And, uh, what to drink?
623
00:48:36,755 --> 00:48:39,989
Let me have 700
regular coffees,
624
00:48:39,991 --> 00:48:41,857
500 Cokes
625
00:48:41,859 --> 00:48:43,625
and a thousand 7UPs.
626
00:48:43,627 --> 00:48:46,394
And also, coleslaw
for 900 men.
627
00:48:46,396 --> 00:48:51,365
Right. You want anything
with the sandwiches?
628
00:48:51,367 --> 00:48:54,701
Uh, mayonnaise on the side.
629
00:48:56,037 --> 00:48:57,603
Right.
630
00:49:09,850 --> 00:49:11,416
Everything is ready, sir.
631
00:49:11,418 --> 00:49:15,052
Which one is the roll?
I have it right here.
632
00:49:15,054 --> 00:49:18,989
What about the coleslaw?
It's coming, sir.
633
00:49:19,891 --> 00:49:21,357
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
634
00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:26,128
Coleslaw, sir.
635
00:49:32,736 --> 00:49:34,469
That'll be 24,000 pesos.
636
00:49:34,471 --> 00:49:36,938
Get your money from Vargas.
We're the rebels.
637
00:49:36,940 --> 00:49:40,041
Let's go! Move this out!
Come on!
638
00:49:41,210 --> 00:49:42,976
(INAUDIBLE)
639
00:51:44,499 --> 00:51:47,533
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
640
00:52:44,792 --> 00:52:48,593
While we carry out
the diversionary raid,
641
00:52:48,595 --> 00:52:52,196
you three will kidnap
the British ambassador.
642
00:52:52,198 --> 00:52:58,268
He will be held until Vargas agrees to
free the sympathizers he has jailed.
643
00:52:58,270 --> 00:52:59,902
I will drive.
644
00:52:59,904 --> 00:53:01,436
You two will seize him.
645
00:53:01,438 --> 00:53:04,672
And you will inject him
with the sodium pentothal.
646
00:53:04,674 --> 00:53:10,477
Now, once he's asleep,
there will be no trouble.
647
00:55:18,740 --> 00:55:22,641
Should they attack,
our men are ready.
648
00:55:23,677 --> 00:55:26,110
They are too weak
to defeat me.
649
00:55:26,112 --> 00:55:29,146
We have nothing
to worry about, then.
650
00:55:29,148 --> 00:55:32,048
We shall continue
our policy of harassment.
651
00:55:32,050 --> 00:55:38,087
Of course, if they are foolish
enough to try to overthrow,
652
00:55:38,089 --> 00:55:40,355
then I have made a deal
653
00:55:40,357 --> 00:55:44,592
for reinforcements
with the UJA.
654
00:55:44,994 --> 00:55:47,194
You mean the CIA, Excellency.
655
00:55:47,196 --> 00:55:50,864
The UJA is the
United Jewish Appeal.
656
00:55:51,533 --> 00:55:55,368
The United Jewish Appeal?
657
00:55:55,370 --> 00:55:56,802
Uh-oh.
658
00:55:58,806 --> 00:56:01,439
(INDISTINCT)
659
00:56:13,252 --> 00:56:15,218
Anyone know where
we're heading for?
660
00:56:15,220 --> 00:56:16,319
I hear it's San Marcos.
661
00:56:16,321 --> 00:56:19,021
Are we fighting for or
against the government?
662
00:56:19,023 --> 00:56:20,689
The CIA's not taking
any chances this time.
663
00:56:20,691 --> 00:56:25,026
Some of us are for and some of
us are gonna be against them.
664
00:56:25,261 --> 00:56:27,794
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
665
00:56:45,079 --> 00:56:47,579
Hello?
Hello, Miami?
666
00:56:47,581 --> 00:56:48,813
Fontainebleau Hotel?
667
00:56:48,815 --> 00:56:53,517
Listen, I want to make a
reservation for one single room.
668
00:56:53,519 --> 00:56:54,885
Yes.
669
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,527
What are your prices?
670
00:57:04,529 --> 00:57:06,795
For a single room?
671
00:57:26,983 --> 00:57:29,483
(CHEERING)
672
00:57:34,356 --> 00:57:37,256
I can't believe that I'm
finally going home.
673
00:57:37,258 --> 00:57:38,523
Well, you have earned it.
674
00:57:38,525 --> 00:57:40,925
Yeah, well, I'm going
to miss everybody here.
675
00:57:40,927 --> 00:57:41,392
Ah-ha!
676
00:57:41,394 --> 00:57:44,695
Well, my friends,
we have done it.
677
00:57:44,697 --> 00:57:45,662
You have.
678
00:57:45,664 --> 00:57:46,462
And you. All of us.
679
00:57:46,464 --> 00:57:51,700
At last, this country can finally bask
in the sunshine of a true democracy,
680
00:57:51,702 --> 00:57:53,435
a land where no man is
better than the next.
681
00:57:53,437 --> 00:57:57,906
And there's equal opportunity for
all and respect for law and order.
682
00:57:57,908 --> 00:57:59,007
Right now, I am the law.
683
00:57:59,009 --> 00:58:04,045
Yes, but soon we'll hold free elections,
let the people choose their leaders,
684
00:58:04,047 --> 00:58:06,213
and you can voluntarily
step down,
685
00:58:06,215 --> 00:58:10,251
and return to your
simple farming and...
686
00:58:10,253 --> 00:58:12,519
What's the matter?
You look glassy-eyed.
687
00:58:12,521 --> 00:58:14,254
These people are peasants.
688
00:58:14,256 --> 00:58:16,889
They are too ignorant
to vote.
689
00:58:16,891 --> 00:58:18,457
I know, but they
have common sense.
690
00:58:18,459 --> 00:58:20,792
I am the ruler
of this country.
691
00:58:20,794 --> 00:58:23,895
There will be no elections
until I decree it.
692
00:58:23,997 --> 00:58:25,730
(CHEERING)
693
00:58:31,204 --> 00:58:34,738
You're accused of killing over 1,000
people in your term of office,
694
00:58:34,740 --> 00:58:38,174
of torturing hundreds
of women and children.
695
00:58:38,176 --> 00:58:39,341
How do you plead?
696
00:58:39,343 --> 00:58:42,610
Guilty, with an explanation.
697
00:58:43,312 --> 00:58:44,944
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
698
00:58:44,946 --> 00:58:46,578
MAN ON MEGAPHONE: Ready...
699
00:58:46,580 --> 00:58:49,247
Aim, fire.
700
00:58:49,749 --> 00:58:53,650
Let's see, 21.
Where's 21?
701
00:59:00,892 --> 00:59:04,326
MAN: Ready, aim, fire!
702
00:59:28,318 --> 00:59:29,717
Hear me!
703
00:59:30,286 --> 00:59:33,320
I am your new president.
704
00:59:34,556 --> 00:59:36,489
From this day on,
705
00:59:36,491 --> 00:59:39,592
the official language
of San Marcos
706
00:59:39,860 --> 00:59:41,693
will be Swedish.
707
00:59:41,761 --> 00:59:43,293
Silence!
708
00:59:44,162 --> 00:59:46,262
In addition to that,
709
00:59:46,264 --> 00:59:49,098
all citizens will be required
710
00:59:49,100 --> 00:59:52,101
to change their underwear
711
00:59:52,103 --> 00:59:54,736
every half hour.
712
00:59:55,338 --> 00:59:56,904
Underwear
713
00:59:56,906 --> 00:59:59,973
will be worn on the outside,
714
01:00:00,275 --> 01:00:02,475
so we can check.
715
01:00:02,977 --> 01:00:06,111
Furthermore, all children
716
01:00:06,113 --> 01:00:10,748
under 16 years old are now
717
01:00:11,584 --> 01:00:13,717
16 years old.
718
01:00:13,719 --> 01:00:16,920
What's the Spanish word
for "straight jacket"?
719
01:00:17,289 --> 01:00:19,956
Power has driven him mad.
720
01:00:20,591 --> 01:00:22,691
We must have a new leader.
721
01:00:22,693 --> 01:00:27,462
Another must represent
the revolution immediately.
722
01:00:27,964 --> 01:00:28,362
Like who?
723
01:00:28,364 --> 01:00:33,066
There must be someone willing
to put his life in peril,
724
01:00:33,068 --> 01:00:35,368
and willing to carry on
725
01:00:35,370 --> 01:00:38,604
against all the terrible
hazards that await us.
726
01:00:38,606 --> 01:00:40,472
I know you're
gonna find the guy.
727
01:00:40,474 --> 01:00:43,107
If you'll excuse me, I was
due at my mother's house
728
01:00:43,109 --> 01:00:45,676
for dinner eight months ago.
729
01:00:45,678 --> 01:00:46,276
I'm going home.
730
01:00:46,278 --> 01:00:48,845
No, the revolution
will fail without you.
731
01:00:48,847 --> 01:00:49,478
Why me?
732
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,012
Because the men respect you.
733
01:00:51,014 --> 01:00:52,780
You always loved our cause.
734
01:00:52,782 --> 01:00:55,349
Besides, compared to these
men, you're educated.
735
01:00:55,351 --> 01:00:59,186
What is this with my education?
I had two days of college.
736
01:00:59,188 --> 01:01:03,156
I need three years and 363
days to get a degree.
737
01:01:03,158 --> 01:01:05,791
This is a country of peasants.
At least you can read.
738
01:01:05,793 --> 01:01:09,961
FIELDING: Fellas, I don't want to be
president. You're making a big mistake.
739
01:01:09,963 --> 01:01:12,396
You got to be smart
to be a president.
740
01:01:12,398 --> 01:01:15,732
Let me be vice-president.
That's a real idiot's job.
741
01:01:15,734 --> 01:01:19,502
You're looking at me
in a strange way, fellas.
742
01:01:19,504 --> 01:01:21,303
Look, I...
743
01:01:21,538 --> 01:01:24,605
I'm going to be
president, right?
744
01:01:24,673 --> 01:01:26,606
(INAUDIBLE)
745
01:01:39,821 --> 01:01:42,788
The Americans won't recognize us,
'cause they think we're communists.
746
01:01:42,790 --> 01:01:45,924
The communists won't recognize us, 'cause
they think we're American puppets.
747
01:01:45,926 --> 01:01:51,963
The one person in the world who recognizes us
was arrested yesterday on a morals charge.
748
01:01:51,965 --> 01:01:52,596
We need money.
749
01:01:52,598 --> 01:01:55,398
What is the chief
export of San Marcos?
750
01:01:55,400 --> 01:01:57,133
Dysentery.
751
01:01:57,135 --> 01:01:58,868
We grow bananas.
752
01:01:58,870 --> 01:02:00,903
Bananas! Bananas!
753
01:02:00,905 --> 01:02:06,441
If I could only think of a way to convince
the United States to give us money.
754
01:02:07,043 --> 01:02:08,609
Get me Sanchez.
755
01:02:08,611 --> 01:02:10,143
I don't know, my friend.
756
01:02:10,145 --> 01:02:13,079
But without it,
the revolution will fail.
757
01:02:13,081 --> 01:02:15,314
A thousand will
have died in vain,
758
01:02:15,316 --> 01:02:19,384
and soon a new dictator
will seize power.
759
01:02:19,386 --> 01:02:21,152
(PHONE RINGING)
760
01:02:21,154 --> 01:02:22,419
Hello?
It's me.
761
01:02:22,421 --> 01:02:25,355
Ah, yes. I'm perturbed over
the economic situation.
762
01:02:25,357 --> 01:02:28,891
You must go to the United States.
You must convince them.
763
01:02:28,893 --> 01:02:30,459
They will listen to you.
Me?
764
01:02:30,461 --> 01:02:32,427
You're the president
of San Marcos.
765
01:02:32,429 --> 01:02:33,494
Yes, over here,
I'm president,
766
01:02:33,496 --> 01:02:34,728
but over there,
I'm a college dropout.
767
01:02:34,730 --> 01:02:39,165
But they don't know. After all,
senor Fielding Mellish is dead.
768
01:02:39,167 --> 01:02:42,168
I can't hear you. I think
we have a bad connection.
769
01:02:42,170 --> 01:02:45,638
Hang up.
I will call you back.
770
01:02:46,841 --> 01:02:52,544
You know, I actually think that I probably
could go to the United States and fake it.
771
01:02:52,546 --> 01:02:55,413
I know you can
do it, Fielding.
772
01:02:55,415 --> 01:02:57,715
I'll bet that I could.
773
01:03:07,727 --> 01:03:09,927
(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
774
01:03:15,134 --> 01:03:19,703
I am Mr. Hernandez,
the official interpreter.
775
01:03:19,705 --> 01:03:21,604
Welcome to the United States.
776
01:03:21,606 --> 01:03:23,639
Welcome to United States.
777
01:03:23,641 --> 01:03:25,707
Thank you.
Thank you.
778
01:03:25,709 --> 01:03:26,774
Did you have a good flight?
779
01:03:26,776 --> 01:03:28,509
You had a good flight?
780
01:03:28,511 --> 01:03:31,245
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did.
781
01:03:31,247 --> 01:03:34,281
Well, we hope your
stay in our country...
782
01:03:34,283 --> 01:03:36,049
We hope your stay
in our country...
783
01:03:36,051 --> 01:03:39,018
...will be delightful.
...will be delightful.
784
01:03:39,020 --> 01:03:40,986
I am looking forward to it...
785
01:03:40,988 --> 01:03:42,187
I am looking forward to it...
786
01:03:42,189 --> 01:03:47,225
...with great anticipation.
...with great anticipation.
787
01:03:48,027 --> 01:03:50,394
(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
788
01:04:02,674 --> 01:04:04,273
(ALL CLAMORING)
789
01:04:08,712 --> 01:04:11,145
Get them out of here.
790
01:04:11,147 --> 01:04:12,379
Get them out!
791
01:04:12,381 --> 01:04:14,414
I'm Bill Simmons.
This is Tom Sloan, FBI.
792
01:04:14,416 --> 01:04:17,016
Mr. President. We're here to see
that your safety's ensured.
793
01:04:17,018 --> 01:04:21,453
We'll act as your shield
in the event of trouble.
794
01:04:23,056 --> 01:04:27,358
We missed him.
We get most of them.
795
01:04:31,931 --> 01:04:35,265
What am I appearing at a
fund-raising dinner for?
796
01:04:35,267 --> 01:04:37,467
I don't know the first thing
about public speaking.
797
01:04:37,469 --> 01:04:41,304
All you have to do is open up
with a joke, a funny story.
798
01:04:41,306 --> 01:04:44,707
Once you have them laughing,
then you hit them for money.
799
01:04:44,709 --> 01:04:46,008
It's very simple.
Very simple,
800
01:04:46,010 --> 01:04:49,011
open with a funny story,
then hit them for money.
801
01:04:49,013 --> 01:04:52,014
I'm reminded tonight of the,
802
01:04:52,016 --> 01:04:55,150
of the farmer who had
803
01:04:55,152 --> 01:04:57,218
incestuous relations
804
01:04:57,220 --> 01:05:01,021
with both his daughters
simultaneously and...
805
01:05:01,023 --> 01:05:03,690
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
806
01:05:05,260 --> 01:05:09,595
It's the wrong crowd
for this joke.
807
01:05:09,797 --> 01:05:11,096
(CLEARS THROAT)
808
01:05:11,098 --> 01:05:15,700
Although, the United States
is a very rich country,
809
01:05:15,702 --> 01:05:18,335
and San Marcos
is a very poor one,
810
01:05:18,337 --> 01:05:22,539
there are a great many things
we have to offer your country,
811
01:05:22,541 --> 01:05:24,474
in return for aid.
812
01:05:24,476 --> 01:05:26,809
For instance,
813
01:05:26,877 --> 01:05:28,443
there are locusts.
814
01:05:28,445 --> 01:05:31,212
We have more locusts than...
815
01:05:31,214 --> 01:05:35,349
There are locusts
of all races and creeds.
816
01:05:35,351 --> 01:05:37,417
These locusts, incidentally
817
01:05:37,419 --> 01:05:40,319
are available
at popular prices.
818
01:05:40,321 --> 01:05:46,024
So, by the way, are most of
the women of San Marcos.
819
01:05:46,626 --> 01:05:47,858
Now, then...
820
01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:50,694
Despite the tiny
size of our nation,
821
01:05:50,696 --> 01:05:54,030
few people realize that we
lead the world in hernias.
822
01:05:54,032 --> 01:05:58,134
They also fail to realize that before
Columbus discovered your country,
823
01:05:58,136 --> 01:06:02,171
he stopped in San Marcos
and contracted a disease,
824
01:06:02,173 --> 01:06:06,708
which can today be cured
with one shot of penicillin.
825
01:06:06,710 --> 01:06:08,209
It's the same
person, alright.
826
01:06:08,211 --> 01:06:10,778
This whole thing smacks of
conspiracy, if you ask me.
827
01:06:10,780 --> 01:06:14,948
Do you realize what a communist missile
base in San Marcos would do to us?
828
01:06:14,950 --> 01:06:17,517
Plus, he has a history
of subversive acts.
829
01:06:17,519 --> 01:06:19,452
Demonstrations
and peace marches.
830
01:06:19,454 --> 01:06:22,855
This man is attempting the overthrow
of the United States government,
831
01:06:22,857 --> 01:06:24,857
from without and within.
832
01:06:24,859 --> 01:06:26,458
All right. (SIGHING)
833
01:06:26,460 --> 01:06:30,929
Let's pick him up.
And throw the book at him.
834
01:06:31,932 --> 01:06:34,599
We'll make an example of this
835
01:06:34,601 --> 01:06:36,267
hepcat.
836
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:46,276
Hi, I hope I'm not being pushy, but
I've always wanted to meet you.
837
01:06:46,278 --> 01:06:49,212
I don't mean to bother you,
838
01:06:49,214 --> 01:06:51,981
but I think that
you're terrific.
839
01:06:51,983 --> 01:06:54,750
Really terrific.
And me and my friends
840
01:06:54,752 --> 01:06:57,719
have backed you from
the very beginning
841
01:06:57,721 --> 01:06:59,587
of this career of yours.
842
01:06:59,589 --> 01:07:02,389
And, we, I, I'm awestruck.
843
01:07:02,391 --> 01:07:04,090
I really don't know
what to say.
844
01:07:04,092 --> 01:07:07,159
You know, it's very
funny, but you remind me
845
01:07:07,161 --> 01:07:12,764
of somebody that
I once knew. A boy.
846
01:07:13,133 --> 01:07:15,867
He was really...
He was nothing like you.
847
01:07:15,869 --> 01:07:20,271
I mean, you're terrific. He was
just this little stupid clown.
848
01:07:20,273 --> 01:07:24,475
You know, just, I don't know
why I even mentioned it.
849
01:07:24,477 --> 01:07:26,810
But he was, uh,
850
01:07:27,179 --> 01:07:31,381
he was an idiot.
You know, a real idiot.
851
01:07:32,650 --> 01:07:35,751
Would you mind
if I kissed you?
852
01:07:36,987 --> 01:07:38,286
Once?
853
01:07:38,288 --> 01:07:41,956
Could I kiss you once?
854
01:07:44,794 --> 01:07:46,827
NANCY: Oh, that
was wonderful.
855
01:07:46,829 --> 01:07:50,130
It was practically
a religious experience.
856
01:07:50,132 --> 01:07:52,065
FIELDING: I have
a confession to make.
857
01:07:52,067 --> 01:07:53,534
What, love?
858
01:07:55,504 --> 01:07:58,204
I'm Fielding Mellish.
859
01:07:58,639 --> 01:08:01,139
Oh, my God.
860
01:08:01,141 --> 01:08:04,075
I knew something was missing.
861
01:08:04,077 --> 01:08:06,944
Good evening. I'm Roger Grimsby
with the news at 6:00.
862
01:08:06,946 --> 01:08:09,346
Today's top stories, the
United States government
863
01:08:09,348 --> 01:08:13,049
brings charges against Fielding
Mellish as a subversive impostor.
864
01:08:13,051 --> 01:08:16,452
New York garbage men are striking
for a better class of garbage.
865
01:08:16,454 --> 01:08:20,155
And the National Rifle Association
declares death a good thing.
866
01:08:20,157 --> 01:08:23,558
Details on these and other
stories in a moment.
867
01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:25,860
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
868
01:08:33,236 --> 01:08:35,669
Fielding Mellish,
the president of San Marcos
869
01:08:35,671 --> 01:08:37,570
goes on trial
tomorrow for fraud,
870
01:08:37,572 --> 01:08:40,906
inciting to riot, conspiracy
to overthrow the government,
871
01:08:40,908 --> 01:08:44,309
and using the word
"thighs" in mixed company.
872
01:08:44,311 --> 01:08:47,011
Please rise.
Court is now in session.
873
01:08:47,013 --> 01:08:48,946
Judge Seymour Watson
presiding.
874
01:08:48,948 --> 01:08:51,882
The People
v. Fielding Mellish.
875
01:08:52,317 --> 01:08:55,051
I object, Your Honor!
This trial is a travesty.
876
01:08:55,053 --> 01:08:57,887
It's a travesty of a mockery
of a sham of a mockery
877
01:08:57,889 --> 01:09:00,522
of a travesty of two
mockeries of a sham.
878
01:09:00,524 --> 01:09:01,089
I move for a mistrial.
879
01:09:01,091 --> 01:09:04,258
You realize there's not a
single homosexual on that jury.
880
01:09:04,260 --> 01:09:06,460
Yes, there is.
Oh, really? Which one?
881
01:09:06,462 --> 01:09:08,562
Is it the big guy at the end?
882
01:09:08,564 --> 01:09:09,429
(POUNDS GAVEL)
883
01:09:09,431 --> 01:09:11,063
Call the first witness.
884
01:09:11,065 --> 01:09:14,299
And you remember
Fielding Mellish?
885
01:09:14,301 --> 01:09:14,832
He's got a record.
886
01:09:14,834 --> 01:09:18,602
He was always being picked up at
one demonstration or another.
887
01:09:18,604 --> 01:09:20,170
He's a bad apple, a commie.
888
01:09:20,172 --> 01:09:24,107
A New York Jewish intellectual
communist crackpot.
889
01:09:24,109 --> 01:09:28,244
I mean, I don't want
to cast no aspersions.
890
01:09:29,647 --> 01:09:30,912
Your witness.
891
01:09:30,914 --> 01:09:32,046
Officer Doud...
892
01:09:32,048 --> 01:09:37,317
Have you ever had sexual relations
with a girl with really big breasts?
893
01:09:37,319 --> 01:09:39,319
Yes, sir, I did.
Mmm-hmm.
894
01:09:39,321 --> 01:09:40,620
And how did you find it?
895
01:09:40,622 --> 01:09:43,022
Very erotic.
896
01:09:43,391 --> 01:09:46,258
I was just checking.
897
01:09:47,661 --> 01:09:51,362
Do you swear to tell the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but the truth?
898
01:09:51,364 --> 01:09:52,730
I do.
899
01:09:53,532 --> 01:09:56,332
Name?
J. Edgar Hoover.
900
01:09:56,334 --> 01:09:56,832
Occupation?
901
01:09:56,834 --> 01:09:59,367
Head of the Federal
Bureau of Investigation.
902
01:09:59,369 --> 01:10:01,502
Will you tell the court why
you're dressed like this?
903
01:10:01,504 --> 01:10:06,373
I have many enemies, and I rarely
go out unless I'm in disguise.
904
01:10:06,375 --> 01:10:08,541
Mr. Hoover,
in your opinion,
905
01:10:08,543 --> 01:10:13,712
is Fielding Mellish a threat to the
security of the United States?
906
01:10:13,714 --> 01:10:16,548
Enough to have
his phone tapped.
907
01:10:16,550 --> 01:10:18,950
(PHONE RINGING ON TAPE)
908
01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:22,119
WOMAN: Hello?
909
01:10:22,121 --> 01:10:23,720
(HEAVY BREATHING)
910
01:10:23,722 --> 01:10:25,455
Hello, who is this?
911
01:10:25,457 --> 01:10:27,023
(HEAVY BREATHING CONTINUES)
912
01:10:27,025 --> 01:10:28,591
Who is this?
913
01:10:29,527 --> 01:10:30,792
Hello?
914
01:10:31,928 --> 01:10:34,361
Can you hold on one second?
915
01:10:34,363 --> 01:10:37,063
Walter, it's for you!
916
01:10:37,065 --> 01:10:39,098
All right, I did it!
917
01:10:39,100 --> 01:10:42,101
I did it!
I'm guilty!
918
01:10:42,103 --> 01:10:44,570
But I couldn't
take it anymore.
919
01:10:44,572 --> 01:10:47,072
She kept tormenting me,
920
01:10:47,074 --> 01:10:48,940
edging me on,
921
01:10:48,942 --> 01:10:51,909
making a fool of me!
922
01:10:54,179 --> 01:10:57,446
Isn't this
Epstein v. Epstein?
923
01:10:59,149 --> 01:11:00,982
I'm sorry.
924
01:11:03,286 --> 01:11:07,655
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've
known Fielding Mellish for years,
925
01:11:07,657 --> 01:11:10,524
and he's a warm,
wonderful human being.
926
01:11:10,526 --> 01:11:13,860
Would the clerk read
that statement back, please?
927
01:11:14,028 --> 01:11:15,660
"I have known Fielding
Mellish for years,
928
01:11:15,662 --> 01:11:18,963
"and he is a rotten, conniving,
dishonest little rat."
929
01:11:18,965 --> 01:11:21,999
Okay, I just wanted to make
sure you were getting it.
930
01:11:22,634 --> 01:11:24,667
You're out of order.
931
01:11:25,269 --> 01:11:28,770
Name?
Sharon Craig.
932
01:11:28,772 --> 01:11:30,138
And you are?
933
01:11:31,107 --> 01:11:32,673
Miss America.
934
01:11:32,675 --> 01:11:36,743
(SINGING IN ITALIAN)
935
01:12:00,502 --> 01:12:04,604
Tell the court why you think he
is a traitor to this country.
936
01:12:04,606 --> 01:12:07,506
I think Mr. Mellish
is a traitor to this country,
937
01:12:07,508 --> 01:12:11,910
because his views are different
from the views of the President,
938
01:12:11,912 --> 01:12:13,211
and others of his kind.
939
01:12:13,213 --> 01:12:16,113
Differences of opinion
should be tolerated,
940
01:12:16,115 --> 01:12:18,548
but not when they're
too different.
941
01:12:18,550 --> 01:12:22,051
Then he becomes
a subversive mother.
942
01:12:23,220 --> 01:12:25,186
Call Fielding Mellish.
943
01:12:25,188 --> 01:12:30,257
Mr. Mellish, what is
your nationality?
944
01:12:31,994 --> 01:12:36,129
Well, you might say
I have two nationalities.
945
01:12:38,266 --> 01:12:40,299
Are you being coy?
946
01:12:41,035 --> 01:12:46,772
Well, I am an American citizen and
also the president of San Marcos.
947
01:12:47,841 --> 01:12:51,876
I would not joke with
this court, if I were you.
948
01:12:53,045 --> 01:12:55,578
Wouldn't you,
or couldn't you?
949
01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:56,412
That's enough.
950
01:12:56,414 --> 01:13:00,716
Does the code name "Sapphire"
mean anything to you?
951
01:13:01,085 --> 01:13:02,350
It doesn't, I swear to God.
952
01:13:02,352 --> 01:13:08,823
You swear to God, and yet you have no
compunction about teaching evolution.
953
01:13:13,329 --> 01:13:17,064
Where were you on the
night of June 23rd?
954
01:13:17,066 --> 01:13:19,433
(FIELDING PANTING)
955
01:13:19,768 --> 01:13:23,503
Since you cannot resist
disrupting the court,
956
01:13:23,505 --> 01:13:26,405
I order the marshal
to bind and gag you.
957
01:13:26,407 --> 01:13:28,407
And so you followed
Fielding Mellish,
958
01:13:28,409 --> 01:13:32,778
and overheard him make treasonous
remarks about this country?
959
01:13:32,780 --> 01:13:34,312
I did.
960
01:13:34,814 --> 01:13:36,613
Your witness.
961
01:13:41,186 --> 01:13:44,887
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
962
01:13:44,989 --> 01:13:47,255
Yes, I did.
963
01:13:49,592 --> 01:13:50,757
No.
964
01:13:51,126 --> 01:13:52,992
I don't remember.
965
01:13:56,130 --> 01:13:57,329
No.
966
01:13:59,566 --> 01:14:02,033
Don't put words in my mouth!
967
01:14:02,969 --> 01:14:05,436
(CRYING) Yes!
968
01:14:06,105 --> 01:14:08,371
Yes, it's true!
969
01:14:08,373 --> 01:14:08,871
I lied!
970
01:14:08,873 --> 01:14:14,843
Ladies and gentlemen, you
will retire for your verdict.
971
01:14:15,779 --> 01:14:18,579
Good evening. I'm Roger Grimsby
with the news at 6:00.
972
01:14:18,581 --> 01:14:21,548
A verdict has been reached
in the Fielding Mellish case.
973
01:14:21,550 --> 01:14:24,150
I'll have details
in one moment.
974
01:14:24,252 --> 01:14:26,619
(ORGAN PLAYING)
975
01:14:41,135 --> 01:14:42,400
(COUGHS)
976
01:14:42,402 --> 01:14:43,934
Stick in your throat, son?
977
01:14:43,936 --> 01:14:45,368
These cigarettes, Father.
978
01:14:45,370 --> 01:14:47,503
What brand are you smoking?
979
01:14:47,505 --> 01:14:48,804
These.
980
01:14:48,806 --> 01:14:51,039
Those are for sinners.
981
01:14:51,041 --> 01:14:51,739
Oh?
982
01:14:51,741 --> 01:14:54,708
What you should try is
New Testament cigarettes.
983
01:14:54,710 --> 01:14:57,644
They've got that revolutionary
incense filter.
984
01:14:57,646 --> 01:14:59,746
I'll try one.
985
01:15:04,052 --> 01:15:05,551
What do you think?
986
01:15:07,821 --> 01:15:10,655
Good flavor.
Smooth, too.
987
01:15:10,790 --> 01:15:14,758
Stick to New Testament
cigarettes and all is forgiven.
988
01:15:15,093 --> 01:15:16,992
Thank you, Father.
989
01:15:17,995 --> 01:15:20,161
New Testament cigarettes.
990
01:15:22,431 --> 01:15:24,597
I smoke them.
991
01:15:24,599 --> 01:15:26,599
He smokes them.
992
01:15:32,873 --> 01:15:37,008
Fielding Mellish was found guilty
today, on 12 counts of treason,
993
01:15:37,010 --> 01:15:39,777
and was sentenced
to 15 years in prison.
994
01:15:39,779 --> 01:15:42,746
The judge suspended the sentence
in return for the promise,
995
01:15:42,748 --> 01:15:45,515
that Mellish will not move
into his neighborhood.
996
01:15:45,517 --> 01:15:46,849
Nancy, now that this
whole thing is over,
997
01:15:46,851 --> 01:15:50,919
do you think there's any possibility that
maybe the two of us could get married?
998
01:15:50,921 --> 01:15:52,186
Oh, I'd love to.
999
01:15:52,188 --> 01:15:54,788
If you're going to fool
around with women's lib,
1000
01:15:54,790 --> 01:15:56,689
you're gonna need
somebody to support you.
1001
01:15:56,691 --> 01:15:58,891
Fielding, do you love me?
1002
01:15:58,893 --> 01:15:59,725
Of course, I love you.
1003
01:15:59,727 --> 01:16:03,128
No, but do you love me?
You know what I mean?
1004
01:16:03,130 --> 01:16:05,563
Yes, I love you.
I love you.
1005
01:16:05,565 --> 01:16:09,099
Can you like, define
the meaning of love?
1006
01:16:09,201 --> 01:16:11,768
What do you mean?
I love you.
1007
01:16:11,770 --> 01:16:14,604
I want you,
in a way of cherishing
1008
01:16:14,606 --> 01:16:16,539
your totality
and your otherness,
1009
01:16:16,541 --> 01:16:18,874
and in the sense of a
presence and of being,
1010
01:16:18,876 --> 01:16:22,978
and a whole coming and a going
in a room with grapefruit,
1011
01:16:22,980 --> 01:16:25,113
and a love
of a thing of nature,
1012
01:16:25,115 --> 01:16:28,349
and a sense of not
wanting or being jealous
1013
01:16:28,351 --> 01:16:30,517
of the thing that
a person possesses.
1014
01:16:30,519 --> 01:16:32,585
Do you have any gum?
1015
01:16:32,921 --> 01:16:33,386
Good evening.
1016
01:16:33,388 --> 01:16:36,589
Wide World of Sports is here
in the Royal Manhattan Hotel
1017
01:16:36,591 --> 01:16:41,293
for a live, on-the-spot telecast of
the Fielding Mellish honeymoon night.
1018
01:16:41,295 --> 01:16:45,897
Mellish and his new bride were married
this morning in a civil ceremony
1019
01:16:45,899 --> 01:16:46,931
in downtown Manhattan.
1020
01:16:46,933 --> 01:16:51,201
The bride wore the traditional
virginal white, as did Mellish.
1021
01:16:51,203 --> 01:16:52,235
Following that,
they had dinner,
1022
01:16:52,237 --> 01:16:56,105
and are both now ready for the
consummation of their marriage.
1023
01:16:56,107 --> 01:16:57,606
The turnout has
been gigantic.
1024
01:16:57,608 --> 01:17:01,977
And here for a play-by-play
description is Howard Cosell.
1025
01:17:01,979 --> 01:17:04,446
Take it away, Howard.
1026
01:17:09,152 --> 01:17:13,287
You join us with the action
just about to start.
1027
01:17:13,289 --> 01:17:16,123
Yes, indeed.
Here comes the bride.
1028
01:17:16,125 --> 01:17:17,657
She's got a lot of fans here.
1029
01:17:17,659 --> 01:17:21,293
They are tense, but they
swelled to a tremendous cheer.
1030
01:17:21,295 --> 01:17:26,364
As I think is apparent, she is
in very good physical condition.
1031
01:17:26,366 --> 01:17:27,898
And here comes Mellish!
1032
01:17:27,900 --> 01:17:30,901
Listen to that crowd roar.
1033
01:17:30,903 --> 01:17:34,337
He's wearing a green
corduroy suit,
1034
01:17:34,339 --> 01:17:36,572
jogging and bobbing
down the aisle,
1035
01:17:36,574 --> 01:17:39,975
buttressed by his
trainer and his handlers.
1036
01:17:39,977 --> 01:17:41,443
(BELL DINGING)
The action has started.
1037
01:17:41,445 --> 01:17:43,745
They approach one
another cautiously.
1038
01:17:43,747 --> 01:17:45,446
Nothing unique about that.
1039
01:17:45,448 --> 01:17:49,616
Now, Mellish begins to make
his moves and so does Nancy.
1040
01:17:49,618 --> 01:17:55,021
The two are working together closely,
the action growing more rigorous.
1041
01:17:55,023 --> 01:17:58,524
It is swift, rhythmic,
coordinated.
1042
01:17:58,526 --> 01:18:02,361
What's that? A cut over
Mellish's right eye.
1043
01:18:02,363 --> 01:18:05,097
The doctor comes in
to examine the cut.
1044
01:18:05,099 --> 01:18:05,764
No, it will not be stopped.
1045
01:18:05,766 --> 01:18:09,667
It continues, I tell you ladies and gentlemen,
although you can see for yourselves,
1046
01:18:09,669 --> 01:18:12,536
I have never seen
action like this.
1047
01:18:13,372 --> 01:18:14,971
That's it. It's over.
1048
01:18:14,973 --> 01:18:18,941
It's all over. The marriage
has been consummated.
1049
01:18:18,943 --> 01:18:20,842
Nancy and Fielding Mellish,
1050
01:18:20,844 --> 01:18:22,910
in the most real sense,
are now man and wife.
1051
01:18:22,912 --> 01:18:26,914
And if it's humanly possible, I'm
going to break through these fans,
1052
01:18:26,916 --> 01:18:28,382
to talk to the two.
1053
01:18:28,384 --> 01:18:30,350
Excuse me. Excuse me?
1054
01:18:30,352 --> 01:18:33,252
Nancy, I know that this
is very personal, but...
1055
01:18:33,254 --> 01:18:36,088
Hello, Howard. Was it
everything you expected?
1056
01:18:36,090 --> 01:18:41,426
Well, it all went by so fast. I
had no idea it would be so quick.
1057
01:18:41,428 --> 01:18:44,028
I was expecting
a longer bout.
1058
01:18:44,030 --> 01:18:46,663
No difficulties of any kind?
1059
01:18:46,665 --> 01:18:48,698
Well, as you know...
1060
01:18:48,700 --> 01:18:50,332
I'm extraordinarily ticklish.
1061
01:18:50,334 --> 01:18:54,069
So I had kind of a rough time there.
I couldn't stop laughing.
1062
01:18:54,071 --> 01:18:58,973
I thought it would get in my way,
but I really trained well for this,
1063
01:18:58,975 --> 01:19:00,307
and I think it,
sort of, held me.
1064
01:19:00,309 --> 01:19:03,543
So there really wasn't any time I
didn't feel in complete control.
1065
01:19:03,545 --> 01:19:06,946
How about you, Fielding? I was
concerned about that cut.
1066
01:19:06,948 --> 01:19:10,082
I thought they might stop the action.
Did you have that feeling?
1067
01:19:10,084 --> 01:19:13,351
Yes, I was, Howard, I thought
I'd have to finish it up quick,
1068
01:19:13,353 --> 01:19:16,354
'cause I thought the referee
might come in and stop it.
1069
01:19:16,356 --> 01:19:18,622
I knew I was leading
at that point,
1070
01:19:18,624 --> 01:19:22,792
and I was hoping that they'd let
me go all the way and they did.
1071
01:19:22,794 --> 01:19:23,726
No disappointments at all?
1072
01:19:23,728 --> 01:19:27,329
Well, I had heard that he would
be in great, great shape,
1073
01:19:27,331 --> 01:19:30,498
and I felt that he wasn't,
1074
01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:34,034
that he could use
a little seasoning.
1075
01:19:34,036 --> 01:19:35,268
The timing was a little off.
1076
01:19:35,270 --> 01:19:38,170
But I think he'll be fine.
He's not the worst I've had.
1077
01:19:38,172 --> 01:19:40,172
Not the best,
but not the worst.
1078
01:19:40,174 --> 01:19:43,241
Are you offended by what
Nancy just said, Fielding?
1079
01:19:43,243 --> 01:19:45,276
Well, I'm not offended,
but I don't agree with that.
1080
01:19:45,278 --> 01:19:48,512
I was in great shape. I thought
I had her in real trouble,
1081
01:19:48,514 --> 01:19:50,146
with a right-hand
upper...
1082
01:19:50,148 --> 01:19:53,349
You know, I was in good form.
My breathing was good.
1083
01:19:53,351 --> 01:19:57,019
I've been training very hard
for this, and I gave 100%.
1084
01:19:57,021 --> 01:19:58,653
When do you anticipate
your next bout?
1085
01:19:58,655 --> 01:20:03,290
I think we can probably do
this again in the late spring.
1086
01:20:03,625 --> 01:20:05,524
Your comment?
The late spring?
1087
01:20:05,526 --> 01:20:09,427
I think I'll be ready by the late spring.
I'd like...
1088
01:20:09,429 --> 01:20:11,295
As long as the late spring?
Yes.
1089
01:20:11,297 --> 01:20:14,231
I think we should leave the
happy couple on that note.
1090
01:20:14,233 --> 01:20:17,067
It's hard to tell what may
happen in the future...
1091
01:20:17,069 --> 01:20:17,467
(INDISTINCT)
1092
01:20:17,469 --> 01:20:21,871
...but they may live happily ever after.
Again, they may not.
1093
01:20:21,873 --> 01:20:25,407
Be assured of this, though,
wherever the action is,
1094
01:20:25,409 --> 01:20:29,911
we will be there with ABC's Wide
World of Sports to cover it.
1095
01:20:29,913 --> 01:20:32,446
Now, on behalf of Nancy
and Fielding Mellish,
1096
01:20:32,448 --> 01:20:35,015
and all of the others who
have made this possible,
1097
01:20:35,017 --> 01:20:38,251
this is Howard Cosell
thanking you for joining us,
1098
01:20:38,253 --> 01:20:42,388
and wishing you a most
pleasant good night.
1099
01:20:51,365 --> 01:20:54,699
♫ 'Cause I believe in loving ♫
1100
01:20:54,701 --> 01:20:59,970
♫ Some people
take me for a fool ♫
1101
01:21:01,573 --> 01:21:05,107
♫ 'Cause I believe in giving ♫
1102
01:21:05,109 --> 01:21:10,679
♫ They seem to take me
for a fool ♫
1103
01:21:11,915 --> 01:21:15,449
♫ 'Cause I believe in sunshine ♫
1104
01:21:15,451 --> 01:21:21,521
♫ And things I never
learned in school ♫
1105
01:21:21,523 --> 01:21:28,394
♫ Take me
Take me ♫
1106
01:21:28,396 --> 01:21:35,634
♫ And you'll make me ♫
1107
01:21:35,802 --> 01:21:39,236
♫ So glad to be so foolish ♫
1108
01:21:39,238 --> 01:21:45,242
♫ So take me for a fool ♫