1
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:04,837
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,525
(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
What's up? I'm Brüno.

3
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,235
(LAUGHING)

4
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:14,824
I live in Austria's
coolest city, Vienna.
No big deal. Whatever.

5
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,661
I am the host of Funkyzeit,

6
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:23,833
the most important
TV fashion show in any
German-speaking country,

7
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,877
apart from Germany.

8
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,301
Funkyzeit is
über influential.

9
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:39,223
In fact, Austrian fashionistas
live their lives according
to my "In or Out" list.

10
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,642
In! Autism.

11
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:42,977
Aus. Chlamydia.

12
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:47,523
Why is autism
so cool at the moment?

13
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,276
Because it's funny.
Great.

14
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,780
BRÜNO: Through Funkyzeit,
ich have done interviews

15
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:56,657
mit everyone in
the Euro-fashion world.

16
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,951
Can you look into
this camera and just say,

17
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,704
"You're watching
Funkyzeit mit Brüno"?

18
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:06,709
You are watching Funkyzeit
program with Brüno,
and it's really a great show.

19
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:10,546
Yeah, that's cool.
Can you do it, like, even more
like a kind of black guy?

20
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,631
You know,
like an afrikanischer...

21
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,132
Like this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

22
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:17,136
You are watching
Funkyzeit program
with Brüno.

23
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,640
Yo, man. Fuck, man.
Welcome to the jungle.

24
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,350
Something maybe
a bit more crazy.

25
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,936
Maybe show a bit of skin
or something like that.

26
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,981
No, I don't think so.
Or what about just
like one Kugelsack?

27
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,525
One of the balls?

28
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:31,984
No.

29
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:36,239
And the most exciting
and amazing thing
in the town,

30
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:41,536
from the fashion streets
of Milan, only for the
German girls, my great hairs.

31
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:42,912
Yo, man.

32
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,751
Modeling, a lot of people
think it's easy.

33
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,504
But it's the hardest job
in the world, isn't it?

34
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:56,134
It's very hard.
Standing in heels all day,
and everyone's watching you,

35
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,970
so you have to make sure
your walk is good. And, yeah.

36
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,180
Yeah, it's really hard,
'cause you've gotta
remember, like,

37
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:04,517
to put your right leg forward
and then put
your left leg forward

38
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,310
and then, like,
which one now?

39
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,771
Right leg again,
and then, like,
the left one.

40
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,606
And then sometimes
you even have to turn.

41
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:15,444
Yeah. And especially
the turn. It's so scary.

42
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:21,159
BRÜNO: Being the host from
Funkyzeit means Brüno's always
seated on the front row.

43
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,287
Hi. How are you?

44
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,788
You have to lose
some weight.

45
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,583
The kettle is calling
the pot black.
Oh, yeah?

46
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:34,755
Put your shoulders back.
This is a fashion show,
not a slave auction.

47
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,969
BRÜNO: Mein personal
assistant, Kookus,
is my rock.

48
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,263
He's also mein stylist.

49
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,308
Do you think the glasses
are too much?
Yeah, I'd lose them.

50
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,726
They're too much like,
"Look at me.

51
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,853
"Hey, everybody,
look at me.
Look at my glasses."

52
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,605
Yeah.
"Everybody, like,
stare at my glasses."

53
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,648
BRÜNO: He's also
my nutritionist.

54
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,901
(RETCHING)
Yeah, that is good.

55
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:59,280
BRÜNO: I have a second
assistant, but ich can't
remember its name.

56
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,992
Brüno has known true love
twice in his life.

57
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,121
Once, for seven minutes
with Milli from
Milli und Vanilli.

58
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,247
No big deal. Whatever.

59
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:13,669
But for the last nine years,
ich have been head über heels
in love

60
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:17,006
mit a pygmy flight
attendant called Diesel.

61
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:22,261
We're just like an ordinary
couple, you know, boring,
stay-at-home types.

62
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,267
(GROANS)

63
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,186
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

64
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:51,624
Oh, my God. I feel it.
You're getting so big.
(MOANING) Ja.

65
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:52,708
(LAUGHING)

66
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,127
DIESEL: Ooh!

67
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,881
How much do you want?
Just half a glass.
Otherwise I get too giggly.

68
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,260
BRÜNO: In September 2008,

69
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,512
I left for Milan Fashion Week

70
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,348
to shoot a new season
of Funkyzeit.

71
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:13,229
Brüno had backstage access
for the hottest show
of the week, de la Prada.

72
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:19,652
So I wore the jewel
of mein wardrobe, a suit
made entirely out of Velcro.

73
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,166
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

74
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,334
I'm wearing this.

75
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:39,213
This is a prototype.
It's a Velcro suit
made by Frederic Worms.

76
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,298
Wow.
Pretty cool, right?

77
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:43,634
It is. I was looking at it,
and can I have one?

78
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,220
Well, it's a prototype.
It's a one-off.
Okay.

79
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:47,972
Thank you.
Yeah. Okay...

80
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,432
Also... Yeah.
Can you go out, please?

81
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,683
We'll get out,
but don't push me.

82
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:54,437
Yeah. Okay, no listen.
We haven't finished
the thing.

83
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,688
You go out now.
Yeah.

84
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,106
Yeah, wait a second.

85
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,943
Take... Get this off...

86
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,237
Stop!

87
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,949
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

88
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,331
Thank you.
Can someone
help this guy?

89
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,832
Can you take...

90
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,629
(CROWD MURMURING)

91
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:25,593
BRÜNO: Wait.
Get me out of this.
Get me out of this.

92
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,604
(CROWD BOOING)

93
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,075
BRÜNO: Brüno was aus.

94
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,037
For the second time
in a century,

95
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:56,415
the world had turned
on Austria's greatest man

96
00:06:56,792 --> 00:07:00,336
just because
he was brave enough
to try something new.

97
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:02,630
No.
Okay.

98
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,840
BRÜNO: Brüno was
schwarz-listed.

99
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,802
I'm on the front row.
I don't think so.

100
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,429
(MALE GUARD SPEAKING)

101
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:15,768
I'm sorry.

102
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,318
BRÜNO: Und worst of all...

103
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,444
Hello?

104
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,570
(MAN CHATTERS ON PHONE)

105
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,989
...ich was fired
from Funkyzeit.

106
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:38,374
Ich realized that night
that the fashion world was
superficial und vacuous.

107
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:45,965
So, I decided instead
to go to Los Angeles
to become a celebrity.

108
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:53,889
Ich was going to be
the biggest Austrian
superstar since Hitler.

109
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,601
What? I'm not coming.

110
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:02,857
Why not?
Because you out.
You humiliate me.

111
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,402
I'm so sorry
I humiliate you.
Okay. Gotta go.

112
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,446
Bye, baby,
I love you.

113
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,408
Diesel,
I love you. Diesel.

114
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,126
(BLOWING NOSE)

115
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:32,219
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

116
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,123
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

117
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,751
BRÜNO: Ich arrived in LA

118
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:08,130
und cunningly avoided
being snapped by
the waiting paparazzi.

119
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:12,468
BRÜNO: No photos, please.
Do you want another
Diana on your hands?

120
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:20,351
BRÜNO: Mein Plan was to become
the biggest gay movie star
since Schwarzenegger.

121
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,394
Maximum Santzgaut!

122
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:28,150
Also, ich headed
to my first meeting mit
a Hollywood über agent.

123
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,904
So my name's Brüno.
I was born in Klagenfurt.

124
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:37,326
I'm 19 years old. And,
of course, you'll know me
as the host of Funkyzeit.

125
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,579
Okay. Well,
I understand that you
took a look at a side

126
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:44,041
that I wanted you
to think about from
the Jerry Maguire show.

127
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,961
And I wouldn't mind
hearing you try that out.

128
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,462
Okay, great.

129
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,926
"Jerry enters."
No.

130
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,553
"Dorothy seated."
Just start with
the word "hello."

131
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:59,181
"Hello. Hello.

132
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,184
"I'm looking for my wife!

133
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:07,231
"Shut up, women."
That was improvisation.
Fine.

134
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:12,069
"I couldn't hear your voice
or laugh about it with you."

135
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,404
(LAUGHING)

136
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,798
All right,
let me stop... Wait.
No, wait, wait. I...

137
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:36,302
Let me stop for two minutes.
Let me stop you right there.

138
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,138
Nowhere in the script
does it say

139
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,559
he pauses for
an inordinate period of time.

140
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:48,731
You're here
because you are looking
to do feature films.

141
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,232
I wanna be a star.

142
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,901
In?
In a huge Hollywood movie.

143
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,322
Can you make
that happen?
No.

144
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,614
What?
I definitely cannot.

145
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:03,370
BRÜNO: But he did get me
a starring role in
a top TV show as an extra.

146
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,792
DIRECTOR 1: All right,
picture's next.
Last looks, please.

147
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,919
CREW MEMBER:
Yep. A mark.

148
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,254
(SIGHS)

149
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,380
CREW MEMBER: Set.

150
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:15,090
DIRECTOR 1: Background.
DIRECTOR 2: Action.

151
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,176
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

152
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:21,472
it gives me
no pleasure at all to speak
to you this afternoon.

153
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,182
(CLICKING TONGUE)

154
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,517
The defendant,
as you know,

155
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:31,148
has served our municipality
for more than 12 years
as city controller.

156
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,443
Oh.
So I was pained
to learn that his debts

157
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:39,740
compelled him to accept
hundreds of thousands
of dollars in bribes.

158
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:43,118
DIRECTOR 1: Cut!
(WHISPERING) Just do
a little bit less.

159
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,787
More or less?
Less.

160
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,622
Less. Okay.
Yeah.

161
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,415
(WHISPERING)
Sure. Thank you.

162
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,251
(CLEARS THROAT)

163
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,754
CREW MEMBER: Set.
DIRECTOR 2: Action.

164
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:54,922
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

165
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:58,175
I'm afraid it gives me
no pleasure at all to
speak to you this afternoon.

166
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,720
As you know, the defendant
has served our municipality
as city controller

167
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,222
for more than 12 years,

168
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,976
and I have
known him personally
for most of that time.

169
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,606
So I was very pained
to learn that

170
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:16,402
his personal debts
compelled him
to accept bribes.

171
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,820
DIRECTOR 1: Cut!
Here, I'll
take that.

172
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,071
Okay.
Thank you.

173
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,364
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

174
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,408
BRÜNO: Sorry.

175
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,076
DIRECTOR 1:
Should we just go again?
DIRECTOR 2: Okay.

176
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,160
(SIGHS)

177
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,329
As you know,
the defendant

178
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:31,834
has served this municipality
as city controller for more
than 12 years,

179
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:36,588
and I have
personally known him
for most of that time.

180
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,091
That is why I was
very pained to learn...

181
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,719
Cut. Sorry,
I'm not feeling this one.
Could we go again?

182
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,596
This way.

183
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,683
(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

184
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,816
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

185
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,950
You were actually
my second choice.

186
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:10,873
I was going to go
to the salon that maintains
Salma Hayek's inner thighs,

187
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:15,294
but the team that do it
were booked up
for the next four days

188
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,171
because she's got
the Elle Style Awards.

189
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:21,675
And they said they're, like,
really, really exhausted
after they do her.

190
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,636
They're exhausted
after they wax Salma Hayek?

191
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,722
She must have
a lot of hair.

192
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,601
They say that after a waxing,
there's enough
to stuff a mattress.

193
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,646
Well. Speaking of rectums,
let's get you clean.

194
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,733
Okay. There we go.
There's not much.

195
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:38,859
Yeah, sure.

196
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,655
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Telephone.

197
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,908
Hello?
Hey, how you doing, man?

198
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,659
Lloyd, hi.
How are you?

199
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:50,746
I just got off the phone
with the network. They've
agreed to do a screening.

200
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,832
Great! Das is all
maximum Santzgaut!

201
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:57,753
In two days.
I got them to pay for
a focus group for the show.

202
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,630
I think you just
scraped my anus.

203
00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,089
WAXER: I did.
I got you clean.

204
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,675
BRÜNO: My stinker
is slightly burning.
Is that normal?

205
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:04,801
What?

206
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:08,013
No, that was
to the lady who is...
I'm in the salon, yes.

207
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,015
She's just washing
my Arschwitz.

208
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:13,393
Is there any way we can
get something together
enough to put it on?

209
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,771
Okay, sure.
All right. I'm gonna
call them right now.

210
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,606
Are you using Vaseline?

211
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,815
No, lotion.

212
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,610
Could you take
your finger out of
my Arschenholer?

213
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,363
All right. I think,
guys, we're finished.

214
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,449
Once again,
"Can you take my finger,
your finger out of my ass,"

215
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,076
is what the guy
just said on the phone.

216
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,079
No, Lloyd, I was not
speaking to you. I was just
talking to the woman here.

217
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,413
Who's got the audio?

218
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,792
I want to hear
the audio back.
I want you to hear...

219
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,002
I want you to hear
what this fool is saying.

220
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:42,130
Play it back.
Talking about what?
His asshole.

221
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,345
(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

222
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,097
(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

223
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,350
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

224
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,864
(HUSHING IN GERMAN)

225
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,908
Can you be quiet?

226
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,035
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

227
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,788
Hello, hello. Hey,
can you come in?

228
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,420
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

229
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,046
Hi. How are you?
Hi.

230
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,133
I'm Brüno.
Great to have you here.
It's nice to meet you.

231
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,843
Come and sit on
our great furniture.

232
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,141
These are our
Mexican chair people.

233
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,185
Demi Moore has
two of them in her house.

234
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,937
Yeah, if you sit here.

235
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,773
If you sit on that one.

236
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:48,280
(GRUNTING)
Also, so tell me about
your humanitarian work.

237
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:51,700
How important is it for you
to help other people?

238
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,829
Helping other people
is so vital to my life.

239
00:15:56,497 --> 00:16:00,876
It's like the air
that I breathe and
the water that I drink.

240
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:05,505
Please, have some water.
It is extremely,
extremely important for me.

241
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:09,009
You give love
to other people and you
get love back in spades.

242
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,219
And I just feel like
that's been my life.

243
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,640
Great. You must be hungry.
Let's bring in some food.

244
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,392
Oh, my God.

245
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,187
BRÜNO: Have some.
ABDUL: Yeah,
this is really bad for me.

246
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,731
I'm sorry.
This is really not good.

247
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,316
We're leaving.

248
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,569
BRÜNO: Come back, please.
Can you please come back?

249
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:37,079
LUTZ: Yes, yes,
I understand.
But I was thinking...

250
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,708
Okay, but...
Okay. Okay. Okay.

251
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,460
Yes. Thank you.

252
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,799
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

253
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,386
(SIGHS) Minimum Santzgaut.

254
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,222
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

255
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,681
Puffy Vater?

256
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,725
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

257
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,143
Reese Witterspinzel?

258
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,396
Stevie Wunderbar?

259
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,816
Wilhelm Schmidt?

260
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,401
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

261
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,944
Bradolf Pittler?

262
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:21,206
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

263
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:31,508
I think this focus group
is really gonna be

264
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,553
a very interesting example
of how it's gonna play out.

265
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:37,639
I actually
got an interview
mit Harrison Ford.

266
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,308
Oh. Very good.
Very good.
Yes.

267
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,228
So, you probably already know,
today we're going to be
looking at a new TV show,

268
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,189
A-List Celebrity Max Out
mit Brüno.

269
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,192
Howdy,
I'm Lloyd Robinson.
Lloyd, Denny Bond.

270
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,027
Hi. Hi. Great.

271
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:54,573
Me und Lloyd,
we haven't actually spoke
since the other day

272
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,284
when I was getting
my anus bleached.

273
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,244
(ALL LAUGHING)

274
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,288
We won't go there,
please.

275
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,165
We won't go there.
Yeah.
That was a very

276
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,666
difficult issue
on the phone.

277
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,918
And it's very important
what scores you give it,

278
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,421
because if the show
scores over an 85%,

279
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,466
the network's obviously
gonna be very interested.
So take a look.

280
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,718
Absolutely.
Congratulations.

281
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:19,681
BRÜNO ON TV: Who's ready
to max out with loads
of celebrities? I am.

282
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:24,519
Because das ist
A-List Celebrity Max Out.

283
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,230
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

284
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:41,077
BRÜNO ON TV: How are you?
Great. Thank you
for having me.

285
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,621
Okay, so this is
the part of the show,

286
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:45,123
it's called Future Kinder.
People who are pregnant,

287
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,833
we've managed to get
the ultrasound photos.

288
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:47,959
It's totally great.
Okay.

289
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:51,588
Okay, it is Britney's sister.
I can't even
remember her name.

290
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,423
What's her name?
Jamie Lynn.

291
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:56,801
Jamie Lynn Spears.
I mean, is she a celebrity?
No.

292
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,220
(LAUGHING)

293
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,475
Okay, let's see
what she's got
in her stomach.

294
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,395
All right.
What do you think there?
Is that a white-trash fetus?

295
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,855
Yeah. Totally.

296
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,149
She's got her arms up
like she's a A-lister.

297
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:14,653
Newsflash, you're
in a C-lister's womb.
Am I right?

298
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,655
Worse. I think, like, D.

299
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,657
Do you think
this kid is retarded?

300
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,700
Definitely the hands
look way too big,

301
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:23,119
and the ears, like,
have not been developed yet.

302
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:26,248
Yeah, so keep it
or abort it?
Abort it.

303
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,083
(SIGHS)

304
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:32,921
Und now,
my exclusive interview
mit Harrison Ford

305
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:38,927
is only moments away.
But first, some more
dancing mit Brüno.

306
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,971
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

307
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,816
That's right.
It's the time you've
all been waiting for.

308
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:59,656
It's my one-on-one,
exclusive interview
mit Harrison Ford.

309
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,326
Also, here I am
mit Harrison Ford.
Fuck off!

310
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,412
(LAUGHING)

311
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:07,998
What's that?

312
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:09,958
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

313
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:21,428
That's actually mine.

314
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,848
More champagne?
No, I'm fine, thanks.

315
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,478
Brüno!

316
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,986
The end bit
was Lloyd's idea.

317
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,614
The last bit was?
Lloyd's?

318
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:46,453
So if you could
describe this show
in one sentence...

319
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:48,705
Can anybody give me
one sentence?

320
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:51,499
Go ahead.
The worst piece of crap
I have ever seen.

321
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,419
There's always one
who's against it. Those...

322
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,879
In any group,
there's always one.

323
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:59,007
What sick human being
came up with
something like this?

324
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,426
Well, there's always two.
There's always two.

325
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,471
I wanted to
poke my eyes out
with hot needles.

326
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,556
You'd have to borrow
the needles from me.

327
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,600
Lloyd, we need
to distract him

328
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,185
from listening to this.
You can't. You can't.

329
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,811
We need
to distract him.
You can't.

330
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,104
Kiss me.
No.

331
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,274
No logical person
would consider
a show like this

332
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:20,320
unless they had
some sort of
a mental or moral defect.

333
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:21,988
WOMAN: Everything.

334
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,451
Oh, my God.

335
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,536
BRÜNO: Let me have
a look at those.

336
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,706
"The host is
a talentless idiot."

337
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,876
Is this the dancing
of a talentless idiot?

338
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,048
I would say that it is.
MAN: Yeah, yeah.

339
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,716
Please,
where you going?

340
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,719
Please, this is my career.
I put all my money into this.

341
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:56,231
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

342
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:16,918
(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

343
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:25,176
I'm here with
Congressman Ron Paul,

344
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:28,388
who was the 2008
presidential candidate.

345
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:32,058
So tell me,
who are you wearing?

346
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:35,937
Well, I don't even know
because it's pretty
conventional.

347
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:39,274
And I'm pretty,
in that sense,
pretty ordinary.

348
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:41,317
But the message is
not ordinary.

349
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,945
(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

350
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,408
Sure.

351
00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:59,669
Do you want some champagne?
I don't care for any. No.

352
00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:02,714
There's no ice bucket,
but I know a good place
to put it.

353
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,007
(LAUGHS)

354
00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:08,011
Yeah, you were great in there.
Have you done
a lot of television before?

355
00:23:08,846 --> 00:23:12,223
Well, off and on throughout
the years. This last year,
a tremendous amount.

356
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,975
Sure.
I do a lot of them.

357
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,019
Do you want
some strawberries

358
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:18,396
or maybe some oysters?
No, I'm okay.

359
00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:20,857
I'm gonna light
some candles
if it's okay.

360
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:23,860
Really loosens you up.

361
00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:28,323
Has anyone
ever told you you look
like Enrique Iglesias?

362
00:23:29,033 --> 00:23:30,283
Mmm-mmm.

363
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:32,994
Of course not.
You're much cuter.

364
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:34,287
(LAUGHS)

365
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:40,168
I love music.

366
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:42,295
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)

367
00:23:42,379 --> 00:23:44,506
And dancing.
I used to be a dancer.

368
00:23:56,018 --> 00:23:57,560
(CLEARS THROAT)

369
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:01,981
Whoops.

370
00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:03,900
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

371
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,444
All right!
Get out of here!
What?

372
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:09,030
All right,
this has ended.
BRÜNO: What's going on?

373
00:24:09,490 --> 00:24:13,785
PAUL: That guy is queerer
than the blazes. He took his
clothes off. Let's get going.

374
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:16,037
WOMAN: What happened?
He's queer. He's crazy.

375
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,956
He put a hit on me.
He took his clothes off.

376
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,415
BRÜNO: I couldn't even
schtupp RuPaul.

377
00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,336
How would I
become weltfamous?

378
00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:27,715
Ich decided to seek advice
from the wisest guy
I'd ever known.

379
00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,926
I wanna speak to Milli

380
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:33,137
from the pop dance group
Milli und Vanilli.

381
00:24:34,223 --> 00:24:39,060
Is he in heaven?
And if so, is he
in the VIP section there?

382
00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:45,984
He says he's in a place
with green trees
and flowers.

383
00:24:46,694 --> 00:24:49,904
Can I ask him
if he has any
advice for me?

384
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:51,239
(EXHALES)

385
00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:57,120
He says there's some sort of
thing that you will set up,

386
00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:59,581
like a foundation
or something,

387
00:24:59,665 --> 00:25:03,084
where there will be
other people involved
that will benefit.

388
00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:06,254
Okay, that's a great idea,
'cause if I do that,

389
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:08,923
then I'll definitely
become world famous.

390
00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:10,341
Absolutely.

391
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:14,387
There's something that
he could do that could
make me incredibly happy.

392
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:16,973
Can I kiss him now?
Of course.

393
00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:43,958
(SPITS)

394
00:25:57,556 --> 00:25:59,724
(MUMBLING)

395
00:26:04,438 --> 00:26:05,438
(SNORTS)

396
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,367
(GAGGING)

397
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:22,622
(GROANING)

398
00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:25,750
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

399
00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:29,337
(PANTS)

400
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:38,012
Well, good luck
with your life.

401
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:42,600
BRÜNO: Thanks to Milli,
ich could now see clearly

402
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,977
despite having
an eyeful of Schpunken.

403
00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:48,314
Charity was a great way
to become famous.

404
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:53,903
Also, Brüno just needed
to find the hottest
world tragedy to fix.

405
00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:57,073
I want a charity
that doesn't involve
too much effort,

406
00:26:57,157 --> 00:27:01,536
but is gonna really make
a difference, you know,
really put me into the A-list.

407
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:04,914
Is there something
that you, like,
that you believe in?

408
00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:06,624
Well, I'm really
into issues.

409
00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:09,710
Yeah. Global warming's
only getting worse.

410
00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:10,795
So...
Great.

411
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:13,464
Now, I think that would be...
That's something
to get involved now,

412
00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:17,468
so, we can just
help ease the...

413
00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:20,721
Like, after us,
in order to
help for our future.

414
00:27:20,806 --> 00:27:24,684
In order for everyone...
It's just a beneficial thing
to be involved with now.

415
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:28,187
I'm really into
doing something
maybe for Africa.

416
00:27:28,272 --> 00:27:30,273
Okay.
Is that still cool or...

417
00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:34,902
Saving some kind
of extinct animal. What's
going extinct right now?

418
00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:37,530
I don't know,
like elephants or something.
And then make bracelets?

419
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:40,992
That's so bad. Never mind.
I was gonna say
make bracelets out of a...

420
00:27:41,076 --> 00:27:43,953
Make bracelets out of
the extinct animal?

421
00:27:44,037 --> 00:27:46,289
That's not gonna
really work though,
because you need the...

422
00:27:46,373 --> 00:27:48,624
You can't take
from the extinct animal.

423
00:27:52,254 --> 00:27:55,840
What's the coolest
type of charity to get
into at the moment?

424
00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,010
Save Dafar?

425
00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:01,220
Save what?
Save Dafar.

426
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:02,972
Save Dafar, yeah.
Angelina Jolie.

427
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,349
Is that in, like, Iraqi
or something like that?

428
00:28:05,434 --> 00:28:07,435
Yeah, that's in the...
It's in... Yeah.

429
00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:08,519
Yeah.

430
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:13,191
Is there anywhere
in the world that no
celebrity has tried to fix?

431
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:15,359
Darfur is the big one now.

432
00:28:15,486 --> 00:28:17,987
Yeah, no, it is.
What's the new one?
What's Dar-five?

433
00:28:18,238 --> 00:28:19,322
Yeah.
Yeah.

434
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:24,952
BRÜNO: Ich was going
to become famous by
solving a world problem.

435
00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:26,078
But which one?

436
00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:28,498
Clooney's got Darfur.

437
00:28:28,582 --> 00:28:32,543
Sting's got the Amazon,
and Bono's got AIDS.

438
00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:37,298
Luckily, there was
still one shithole
left to fix,

439
00:28:37,966 --> 00:28:39,300
the Middle-earth.

440
00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:46,516
Mein Plan was to get both
sides to sign a peace deal
in front of the world's press,

441
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:48,976
making Brüno über famous.

442
00:28:51,772 --> 00:28:54,106
Hi, I love your hat.
It's great.

443
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:07,119
(BRÜNO SPEAKING SPANISH)

444
00:29:07,204 --> 00:29:08,996
Hey, great.
Is that Marc Jacobs?

445
00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:11,207
(MAN YELLING)

446
00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:14,418
BRÜNO: Lutz! Lutz!
Start the car!

447
00:29:15,837 --> 00:29:16,837
Lutz!

448
00:29:21,843 --> 00:29:25,304
Why are you
so anti-hummus?

449
00:29:25,973 --> 00:29:28,891
I mean,
isn't pita bread
the real enemy?

450
00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:32,019
You're confusing Hamas
with hummus, I believe.

451
00:29:32,854 --> 00:29:34,105
Hummus has nothing
to do with Hamas.
Do you think

452
00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:36,607
there is a relation
between Hamas and hummus?

453
00:29:36,692 --> 00:29:40,069
So was the founder
of Hamas a chef?

454
00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:46,117
He had created
the food and then
got lots of followers.

455
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:52,206
Hummus has nothing to do
with Hamas. It's a food.
Okay? We eat it. They eat it.

456
00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:55,501
It's vegetarian.
It's healthy. It's beans.

457
00:29:57,087 --> 00:29:59,880
Well, do you
both agree on that?
Hmm?

458
00:30:00,215 --> 00:30:03,050
We both agree that
hummus is very healthy.

459
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:05,344
So we're making progress.

460
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,681
Let's try and get
a solution, right?

461
00:30:08,765 --> 00:30:13,644
'Cause I'm not gonna
be here forever.
Will you, the Palestinians,

462
00:30:13,729 --> 00:30:18,566
agree to give
the pyramids back
to the Israelis?

463
00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:20,860
This is in Egypt.
Not in Palestine.

464
00:30:21,278 --> 00:30:24,572
I don't care
where you put them.
Give them back.

465
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:29,535
This is about
gaining something
for your own people

466
00:30:29,620 --> 00:30:33,456
whether you believe it,
whether you were
convinced to do that.

467
00:30:33,582 --> 00:30:35,833
But in any case...
All right, okay.
Take it easy, girlfriend.

468
00:30:35,917 --> 00:30:37,126
All right.
SELA: Civil rights...

469
00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:40,671
BRÜNO: If I did not get
these queens to sign
a peace deal soon,

470
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:42,590
I would not become famous.

471
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:47,386
So I decided
to think outside the
Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung.

472
00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:53,059
I've written a song
that I think is gonna
help us make peace.

473
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,269
In fact,
I know it will.

474
00:30:56,104 --> 00:30:57,104
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

475
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:58,939
(SINGING) I've written a song

476
00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:04,612
that I hope is gonna
bring you two together

477
00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:10,993
It's time for
this war to end

478
00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:14,497
Jews and Hindus,
you be friends

479
00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:17,375
This is the Middle East

480
00:31:17,459 --> 00:31:21,379
Creating love
is my mission

481
00:31:21,463 --> 00:31:23,214
Don't kill each other

482
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:25,633
Shoot a Christian

483
00:31:29,638 --> 00:31:46,153
Ich bin Brüno,
dove of peace

484
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:00,501
Yeah, a bit more
than that.

485
00:32:00,585 --> 00:32:02,795
BRÜNO: Ich was
out of options.

486
00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:07,466
My song hadn't worked,
und I didn't have
enough ecstasy for everyone.

487
00:32:07,551 --> 00:32:10,761
Ich was ready to give up
when I suddenly
remembered something

488
00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:12,513
that the Jude had said.

489
00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:15,349
SELA: In the last few years,
people were kidnapped,

490
00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:19,353
and then they would
broadcast it
to the whole world.

491
00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:20,855
To the whole world?
Yeah.

492
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:22,606
So what,
the whole world gets to see

493
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,191
these hostage videos?
Of course. Of course.

494
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:32,992
BRÜNO: Ich would
become famous
by getting kidnapped.

495
00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:40,875
I am going to say something
that is gonna get you so angry

496
00:32:41,251 --> 00:32:43,919
that if you've got
a gun on you,
you're gonna pull it out

497
00:32:44,045 --> 00:32:47,339
and shoot me in the head.
Are you ready?
Yeah.

498
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:50,593
Your hair is sun damaged.

499
00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:54,638
(MALE TRANSLATOR
SPEAKING ARABIC)

500
00:32:54,723 --> 00:32:57,558
I'll be honest with you.
I want to be famous.

501
00:32:57,642 --> 00:33:03,397
And I want the best guys
in the business to kidnap me.
Al-Qaeda is so 2001.

502
00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:05,941
I don't like.

503
00:33:06,193 --> 00:33:08,819
Can I give you guys
a word of advice?

504
00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:12,823
Lose the beards,
because your King Osama

505
00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:17,286
looks like
a kind of dirty wizard
or a homeless Santa.

506
00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:20,122
(SPEAKING ARABIC)

507
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:24,043
(TRANSLATOR SPEAKING ARABIC)

508
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:30,424
(SPEAKING ARABIC)

509
00:33:32,469 --> 00:33:34,428
TRANSLATOR: Get out.
Get out now.

510
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:37,681
BRÜNO: Ich was encouraged
to leave the Middle East.

511
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,809
But Brüno had a new plan.

512
00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:42,186
It involved
stopping off in Africa

513
00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:45,314
on the way home
for a little bit
of shopping.

514
00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:46,607
(LAUGHS)

515
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,901
(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

516
00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:34,738
(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

517
00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,866
BRÜNO: Mein little
afrikanischer Freund

518
00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:40,202
was going to get me
on the cover
of every magazine.

519
00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:43,455
Also, ich hired
a top photographer

520
00:34:43,540 --> 00:34:47,126
und held a casting
for the hottest baby
photo shoot ever.

521
00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:48,335
(CAMERA CLICKING)

522
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:51,714
We're gonna do like
this religious theme

523
00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:56,385
where my baby is gonna be
on a crucifix playing Jesus

524
00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,178
even though my baby's black.
So it's pretty cool, no?

525
00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:00,389
That's cool.
It's kind of like
that Madonna video.

526
00:35:00,473 --> 00:35:02,600
Yeah, it's really edgy.
You know, we're
turning it on its head.

527
00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:04,310
Why not?
Come on. Whatever.

528
00:35:04,394 --> 00:35:09,064
So. We're looking for
two thieves to be on the
crucifixes next to my baby.

529
00:35:09,149 --> 00:35:13,569
Would you be ready for
your baby to be strung up
on a crucifix next to mine?

530
00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:16,405
Fine.
Yeah, I don't mind her
being up on a crucifix.

531
00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:17,448
Sure.

532
00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:21,368
Is your baby
comfortable with bees,
wasps and hornets?

533
00:35:21,536 --> 00:35:23,913
George is comfortable
with everything. He's fine.

534
00:35:23,997 --> 00:35:26,916
Is he comfortable
with dead or dying animals?

535
00:35:28,335 --> 00:35:29,376
Yes.

536
00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:31,295
Great.

537
00:35:32,005 --> 00:35:33,380
Amateur science?

538
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,548
What do you
mean by that?

539
00:35:34,633 --> 00:35:40,387
You know, some
untrained people conducting
scientific experiments.

540
00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:41,972
Oh. Should be fine.
You know,

541
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:44,016
her mixing the pots
of acid and that type...

542
00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:45,643
Okay.
And so it's a yes.

543
00:35:45,727 --> 00:35:47,019
Yes.
Great.

544
00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:50,105
Is she okay
with extremely
rapid acceleration?

545
00:35:50,857 --> 00:35:51,941
(LAUGHING) Yes.

546
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:53,150
Okay.
Yes.

547
00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:56,445
Does she always have to be
in a car seat, or can
she just, like, freestyle it?

548
00:35:56,529 --> 00:35:59,156
Yeah. You can freestyle it,
put her in a car seat.
Whatever.

549
00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:00,866
If it looks better
without the car seat...

550
00:36:00,951 --> 00:36:02,034
Of course. Of course.

551
00:36:02,118 --> 00:36:05,245
So what?
You're traveling fast.
You're not gonna kill it.

552
00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:06,747
Of course. Of course.

553
00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:10,084
Is your baby fine
with antiquated
heavy machinery?

554
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:13,045
Yeah, she's fine.
She's been around that.

555
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:15,297
Would she be fine
to operate them?

556
00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:16,799
Yes.
Great.

557
00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:20,135
Is your baby fine
with lit phosphorus?

558
00:36:20,387 --> 00:36:21,345
Yes.

559
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:23,305
Excellent.
Does he like it?

560
00:36:23,765 --> 00:36:25,557
Loves it.
Oh, good.

561
00:36:25,934 --> 00:36:29,144
A little
sensitive subject here.
How much does she weigh?

562
00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:31,438
She's about 30 pounds.

563
00:36:31,690 --> 00:36:34,608
Thirty pounds.
Yes. Approximately.

564
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:38,028
Can Olivia lose 10 pounds
in the next week?

565
00:36:38,405 --> 00:36:40,614
In the next week,
seven days.

566
00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:45,035
Yeah. I'd have to do
whatever I could.

567
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:46,704
If there's a problem
losing the weight,

568
00:36:46,788 --> 00:36:50,290
would you be
ready to have Olivia
undergo liposuction?

569
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:53,502
If that was a last resort
and she didn't lose
the few pounds,

570
00:36:53,586 --> 00:36:56,005
then, yeah,
we'd have to do that.

571
00:36:56,631 --> 00:36:58,465
Great. Fantastisch news.

572
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:03,303
We have chosen your baby
to be dressed
as a Nazi officer

573
00:37:03,930 --> 00:37:09,184
pushing a wheelbarrow
with another baby
as a Jew in it into an oven.

574
00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:11,103
Into an oven?

575
00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:13,522
Congratulations.
How do you feel?

576
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:16,275
Great, if she got the job.
That's great.
Yeah.

577
00:37:18,987 --> 00:37:21,155
(SINGING LULLABY IN GERMAN)

578
00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,622
(BOTH SINGING IN GERMAN)

579
00:37:40,884 --> 00:37:49,558
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

580
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,603
O.J., you're going
to be on television.

581
00:37:52,687 --> 00:37:54,229
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)

582
00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:59,151
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

583
00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,569
(EXCLAIMS)

584
00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:02,696
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

585
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:12,581
(HONKS)

586
00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:22,966
Welcome back to
Today with Richard Bey.

587
00:38:23,051 --> 00:38:27,221
Now, our next guest
is a single parent.
Please welcome Brüno.

588
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:29,056
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

589
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,067
Where are you from?

590
00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:41,485
I'm from Austria.

591
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:45,489
Austria.
And what are your impressions
of the American people?

592
00:38:45,573 --> 00:38:46,782
You see a lot of them
out here.

593
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:50,953
I gotta say, I love
American people, and I love
African-American people.

594
00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:53,872
You're the best.
You guys are the best.

595
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:58,460
All right, all right.
Now, you are a single parent.

596
00:38:58,711 --> 00:38:59,878
Yeah.
Most people think
that a child

597
00:38:59,963 --> 00:39:01,338
should have two parents.

598
00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:04,675
It is, like,
really difficult,
you know,

599
00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:08,011
bringing up a child
without another parent.
Am I right?

600
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,304
AUDIENCE: Right.

601
00:39:09,389 --> 00:39:13,016
I'm hoping that
I don't grow old alone.
Am I right?

602
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:14,101
WOMAN 1: True that. True that.

603
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,854
I'm hoping that I find
Mr. Right. Am I right?

604
00:39:16,938 --> 00:39:17,938
AUDIENCE: No!

605
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:20,774
WOMAN 2: No, no, no, no, no.

606
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:24,319
Well, honey, you need
to get it together. Sugar,
you're lost and confused.

607
00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:25,821
BEY: All right, now...
Listen,
you're just jealous

608
00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:27,614
'cause you know
I can get any guy here.

609
00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:29,032
WOMAN 3: Go get them!

610
00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:30,909
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

611
00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:38,667
BEY: You brought
your son here today?

612
00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:41,628
BRÜNO: That's right.
Can we see your son?

613
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:43,213
Yeah, sure.

614
00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:45,591
MAN: No. No.

615
00:39:45,925 --> 00:39:47,509
BEY: All right,
this is...

616
00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:49,678
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

617
00:39:56,352 --> 00:39:57,686
What?
Where did they allow you

618
00:39:57,770 --> 00:40:00,022
to get your baby from?
Is your baby from Australia?

619
00:40:00,106 --> 00:40:03,192
I was in the Middle East,
like, solving
the crisis there.

620
00:40:03,276 --> 00:40:04,985
No big deal. Whatever.

621
00:40:05,069 --> 00:40:08,030
And I flew back here
to America,

622
00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:11,950
und I stopped over
in this country
called Africa, right?

623
00:40:12,035 --> 00:40:15,078
Africa is a continent,
not a country, baby.
Get it right.

624
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:17,080
Well, it is full of
African-Americans.

625
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:20,626
It's full of Africans.
It's full of people
of African descent.

626
00:40:20,710 --> 00:40:22,502
No. That's a racist thing
to call them.

627
00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:24,046
African-Americans
is the right word.

628
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,465
(AUDIENCE DISAGREEING)
No. African-Americans
are here.

629
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:29,051
No, they're called
African-Americans,
girlfriend.

630
00:40:29,135 --> 00:40:30,260
No, fool.

631
00:40:30,345 --> 00:40:32,512
BEY: All right.
So how did you
find your son?

632
00:40:32,597 --> 00:40:33,597
I swapped him.

633
00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:35,265
WOMAN 1: You swapped him?
WOMAN 2: What?

634
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:36,600
(AUDIENCE CHATTERING)

635
00:40:36,684 --> 00:40:38,769
Swapped the baby
for what?

636
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:40,562
For an iPod.
What?

637
00:40:40,647 --> 00:40:42,856
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

638
00:40:42,941 --> 00:40:43,982
Not just any iPod.

639
00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:48,070
One that was, like,
limited edition, red.
A U2 iPod. Heard of it?

640
00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:53,033
BEY: All right,
but wait a second.
You are the baby's father now.

641
00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:56,787
And you chose
to dress that baby up
in a T-shirt that says what?

642
00:40:56,871 --> 00:40:57,996
Gayby.

643
00:40:58,081 --> 00:41:00,123
That's not the baby's name,
is it?

644
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:02,960
No. I gave him, like,
a traditional African name.

645
00:41:03,169 --> 00:41:04,711
So what's the baby's name?

646
00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:05,879
O.J.

647
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:07,923
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

648
00:41:10,093 --> 00:41:11,343
BEY: Stand up, please.

649
00:41:11,427 --> 00:41:14,054
I think you're using him
as an accessory.

650
00:41:14,138 --> 00:41:17,808
I think maybe
because he's a black baby
that might be your cue,

651
00:41:17,892 --> 00:41:20,644
like how some people
walk in the park with
dogs to pick up girls,

652
00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:22,437
that might be your cue
to get maybe
a down-low brother.

653
00:41:22,522 --> 00:41:24,439
I don't know.
What do you think?

654
00:41:24,524 --> 00:41:26,984
I gotta be honest.
He's a real dick magnet.

655
00:41:27,068 --> 00:41:28,860
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

656
00:41:28,945 --> 00:41:32,197
You brought some
photographs that you took
with the child because...

657
00:41:32,282 --> 00:41:34,658
I guess to demonstrate
how much you love the child.

658
00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:36,702
We're going to put them
up on this screen.

659
00:41:36,786 --> 00:41:38,662
That's the first shot.

660
00:41:38,746 --> 00:41:41,039
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

661
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,419
Let's see the next picture.

662
00:41:51,801 --> 00:41:53,510
You're gonna burn in hell
for that one.

663
00:41:53,594 --> 00:41:54,761
That's some mess.

664
00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:58,265
All right.
Do we have another photo,
or is that the last one?

665
00:41:58,349 --> 00:41:59,766
There we go.

666
00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:02,686
What is going on here?

667
00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:06,231
If I'm having fun,
I want little O.J.
To come with me.

668
00:42:06,482 --> 00:42:08,775
I want him to
have fun with me.

669
00:42:10,653 --> 00:42:12,946
BEY: Hold on. Hold on.
What's that?

670
00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:15,115
What is that?
BRÜNO: Oh, someone's scared.

671
00:42:15,241 --> 00:42:17,242
BEY: You're making
the audience leave.
They are scared of the truth.

672
00:42:17,327 --> 00:42:20,037
Yes, ma'am?
Stand up, please.
Go ahead.

673
00:42:20,997 --> 00:42:25,876
Listen, I don't see how
you can even walk out of here
with that baby in your hands

674
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:30,213
without someone stopping you
and taking that baby
out of your possession.

675
00:42:30,298 --> 00:42:33,550
All right, well, you know,
there is a finale
to this talk show.

676
00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:38,305
Please welcome Shatonya
Miggins from the State
Child Services Department.

677
00:42:41,768 --> 00:42:43,268
Take the baby.

678
00:42:45,813 --> 00:42:48,899
What would be the opinion,
the legal opinion
of the state,

679
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:53,612
which is empowered
to look after children
and their welfare?

680
00:42:53,821 --> 00:42:56,073
This child is here
illegally.

681
00:42:56,157 --> 00:42:58,700
No, it's not.
I made a deal
with the mother.

682
00:42:58,785 --> 00:43:02,079
And at this time,
we're taking the child
into protective custody.

683
00:43:02,246 --> 00:43:04,498
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
You are not doing that.
You're not taking...

684
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:05,749
MIGGINS:
The child is going...

685
00:43:06,334 --> 00:43:08,460
Get off me.
That is my baby.

686
00:43:09,629 --> 00:43:12,255
Give him back!
Give me my baby back!

687
00:43:12,340 --> 00:43:14,383
Give me my baby!
Give him back!

688
00:43:14,467 --> 00:43:15,842
Come on! Back!

689
00:43:16,803 --> 00:43:18,303
Give me my baby back!

690
00:43:18,388 --> 00:43:21,348
O.J.! Give me my baby!
Give me my...

691
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:25,936
Give me my baby! O.J.!

692
00:43:27,688 --> 00:43:28,939
O.J.!

693
00:43:42,203 --> 00:43:46,248
O.J.! Give me
my baby back!

694
00:43:59,303 --> 00:44:01,012
You want
some pie today?

695
00:44:01,097 --> 00:44:04,224
Yeah. I haven't had
any carbs for 15 years,

696
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:06,476
since I was, you know,
four years old.

697
00:44:06,561 --> 00:44:08,603
Since you was four?
Yeah.

698
00:44:09,188 --> 00:44:11,106
Is that your boy?
He's pretty.

699
00:44:11,190 --> 00:44:13,358
BRÜNO: That was my boy.
He got taken away today.

700
00:44:13,443 --> 00:44:16,945
I'm so sorry. Gosh.
What is he, about two?

701
00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:21,408
I think he was about,
I don't know, six or...

702
00:44:21,534 --> 00:44:23,034
Was he?
Was he about that age?
I don't know.

703
00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:26,455
He could've been a midget.
So he could have been 10.

704
00:44:52,607 --> 00:44:57,444
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

705
00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:14,753
(LUTZ LAUGHS)

706
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:22,511
(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

707
00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:26,765
(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

708
00:45:28,100 --> 00:45:30,310
(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

709
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:34,564
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

710
00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:38,068
Good morning, cowboy.
What's your name?

711
00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:39,945
(MUFFLED) Lutz.

712
00:45:40,029 --> 00:45:41,029
(SCREAMING)

713
00:45:41,197 --> 00:45:43,031
(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

714
00:45:44,659 --> 00:45:45,909
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

715
00:45:45,993 --> 00:45:46,993
(MUMBLES)

716
00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:50,914
(BRÜNO YELLING)

717
00:45:51,374 --> 00:45:53,375
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
BRÜNO: Get that
out of my face.

718
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:55,877
Move that out of my...
No, Lutz.

719
00:45:55,962 --> 00:45:58,046
Hello? Engineering.

720
00:45:58,422 --> 00:46:01,091
Hello, I apologize
for the state of the room.

721
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:04,678
But can I assure you,
the toilet is
absolutely spotless.

722
00:46:06,055 --> 00:46:08,223
Can you look?
The key, I think,
is over there, just...

723
00:46:08,307 --> 00:46:09,933
No, I can't do this.

724
00:46:10,017 --> 00:46:13,228
Yeah, Brian,
I need you up here
on 20 immediately.

725
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:15,981
Well, no, it's two guys
handcuffed together
on a bed.

726
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:19,859
And there's some contraption
with a dildo on the end of it.

727
00:46:20,319 --> 00:46:22,862
And they're asking...
They've been staying
at the hotel for a while

728
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:26,700
and wanted to know if I can
get the key for them because
they can't get out of bed.

729
00:46:26,784 --> 00:46:28,994
I'm pretty freaking
flipping right now.

730
00:46:29,078 --> 00:46:30,078
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

731
00:46:30,204 --> 00:46:32,330
BRÜNO: Come in.
MANAGER: Can you
tell me what's going on?

732
00:46:32,415 --> 00:46:35,500
You were not meant
to see this. You find the key,
I can get out of this.

733
00:46:35,585 --> 00:46:36,960
Now, can you just
look under that shelf...

734
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:38,878
No. This is not
what was supposed
to be going on in here.

735
00:46:40,256 --> 00:46:41,464
You're telling me,
honey.

736
00:46:41,549 --> 00:46:45,927
I should be chained
to a 6'4" Norwegian
with a PhD in sucking dick.

737
00:46:46,679 --> 00:46:47,929
That's not my concern.

738
00:46:48,014 --> 00:46:49,431
Okay, well, listen,
one other thing.

739
00:46:49,515 --> 00:46:53,685
Can you switch off
the television?
Because I made a fart,

740
00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:57,480
and I am on the verge
of buying Mr. Magorium's
Wunderbar Emporium.

741
00:46:57,565 --> 00:46:59,149
That's unfortunate.

742
00:46:59,233 --> 00:47:02,652
No, but I refuse to pay
for Mr. Magorium's
Wunderbar Emporium.

743
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:04,321
I did not press it.

744
00:47:04,405 --> 00:47:06,114
No, I'm afraid we are not
gonna be doing that.

745
00:47:06,198 --> 00:47:09,242
Hey, listen, you.
What's your name?
Hi. What's your name?

746
00:47:09,327 --> 00:47:10,869
No,
don't even talk to me.
You're cute.

747
00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:13,371
You're like
a Latino Paul Giamatti.

748
00:47:13,456 --> 00:47:15,498
Hey, don't talk to me.
I'm not talking to you.
Hey, girlfriend.

749
00:47:15,583 --> 00:47:17,417
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

750
00:47:18,878 --> 00:47:21,588
Also, great.
Maybe they can let us out.

751
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:26,968
Excuse me, can you unlock us?
Please. Hello?
Can you unlock us?

752
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:29,262
Please,
can you unlock us?

753
00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:32,515
Please. My assistant's
about to shit on my balls.

754
00:47:38,731 --> 00:47:40,315
(SIREN WAILING)

755
00:47:47,281 --> 00:47:48,365
What's going on here?

756
00:47:48,449 --> 00:47:50,200
BRÜNO: What does it
look like, Paul Blart?

757
00:47:55,748 --> 00:47:56,956
Brüno.

758
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:58,041
(EXCLAIMS)

759
00:47:58,209 --> 00:48:07,300
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

760
00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:27,654
(EXHALES)

761
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:29,406
Brüno.

762
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:48,174
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

763
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,292
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

764
00:49:26,755 --> 00:49:31,009
BRÜNO: Ich was at a low point.
Brüno had hit rock Arsch.

765
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:36,598
Lutz had gone,
und ich had only nine
Freunds left on MeinSpace.

766
00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:42,645
Lutz! Lutz!

767
00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:47,150
(WHIMPERING)

768
00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:49,194
(YELLS)

769
00:49:50,029 --> 00:49:53,114
(PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV)
BRÜNO: I was about to give up
on my dream of celebrity,

770
00:49:53,908 --> 00:49:55,909
when suddenly it hit me.

771
00:49:59,163 --> 00:50:02,332
All the most famous stars
in the world,

772
00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:09,130
Tom Cruise, John Travolta,
Kevin Spacey, they all had
one thing in common.

773
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:11,966
They were all straight.

774
00:50:16,138 --> 00:50:20,350
To become famous,
I would have to quit guys.

775
00:50:20,768 --> 00:50:24,479
Ich just needed to find
a cock-aholics anonymous.

776
00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:32,987
Things have got to change.
I want to become straight.

777
00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:36,533
Awesome.
Once I'm straight,

778
00:50:36,617 --> 00:50:38,701
can I still
play the clarinet?

779
00:50:39,912 --> 00:50:44,123
If it doesn't remind you
about some of the behavior

780
00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:47,043
that you engaged in
when you put
your lips around it.

781
00:50:47,127 --> 00:50:50,046
If it doesn't
remind you of that,
then I say go for it

782
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:52,715
and play the clarinet
with everything
inside of you.

783
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:57,220
If it does remind you of that,
then I say put it down,

784
00:50:57,304 --> 00:51:01,724
give it away,
let a friend hold it
until you know in your mind

785
00:51:01,809 --> 00:51:04,936
you're ready to pick it up
again and it wouldn't remind
you of that.

786
00:51:05,020 --> 00:51:10,024
Und what about
if I put a flute
up my stinker?

787
00:51:10,651 --> 00:51:15,238
That... I wouldn't do that
either because it would remind
you of the former lifestyle.

788
00:51:15,322 --> 00:51:19,534
So you don't put
any woodwind instruments
up your Arschwitz.

789
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:22,662
Absolutely not.
You know why?
Why?

790
00:51:22,746 --> 00:51:25,957
Because that would
harm my body.
That would hurt...

791
00:51:26,041 --> 00:51:28,459
Only if you
lose the reed.
Okay.

792
00:51:28,752 --> 00:51:30,461
Well, that would...
That would be bad.

793
00:51:30,546 --> 00:51:34,132
Is there any music that
I shouldn't listen to?
Any bands?

794
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:37,218
Sinead O'Connor.
The Indigo Girls.

795
00:51:39,013 --> 00:51:40,972
Of course,
the Village People.

796
00:51:41,056 --> 00:51:44,183
When I become straight,
you know, a Kuntmeister,

797
00:51:44,435 --> 00:51:47,228
are there any new hobbies
that I should take up?

798
00:51:47,313 --> 00:51:50,773
Do you enjoy hiking?
Lifting weights?
Sure.

799
00:51:50,858 --> 00:51:52,692
Man, there's nothing
like just working out

800
00:51:52,776 --> 00:51:56,070
and lifting weights
and building your muscles

801
00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:59,866
around some other men
who are not gay.

802
00:52:08,375 --> 00:52:13,296
I'm totally irresistible
to gay guys. They see me
und they want to schtupp me.

803
00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:16,716
Right.
So how do I protect
against those guys?

804
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:20,428
If they get close to you,
hit them and leave
the situation.

805
00:52:20,512 --> 00:52:22,680
How do you
spot the homosexual?

806
00:52:22,765 --> 00:52:24,098
Very hard to do.

807
00:52:24,183 --> 00:52:28,436
Because some of them
don't even dress no different
than myself or you.

808
00:52:28,854 --> 00:52:30,271
Amazing.
You know?

809
00:52:30,356 --> 00:52:32,565
It's kind of
like terrorists.

810
00:52:32,733 --> 00:52:36,361
If a terrorist
has infiltrated
a police department

811
00:52:36,445 --> 00:52:39,489
and he dresses
like the policemen,
how would you know that's him?

812
00:52:39,573 --> 00:52:41,783
What are obvious things
that we can look for?

813
00:52:41,867 --> 00:52:46,162
Obvious is a person
that's being extremely nice
to them to start with.

814
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:50,958
So if someone approaches you
in the street und is being
very, very nice to you,

815
00:52:51,043 --> 00:52:52,835
you know that
they are a homosexual?

816
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,295
Most likely.

817
00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:59,759
How should I protect myself
from being attacked
by homosexuals?

818
00:52:59,927 --> 00:53:04,138
They probably would
attack from behind.

819
00:53:05,057 --> 00:53:07,684
So, again,
if I am a homosexual,

820
00:53:07,768 --> 00:53:10,561
and I'm just trying
to run in und kiss you...

821
00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:14,190
Boom! You done moved in
the wrong range.
Right.

822
00:53:14,358 --> 00:53:16,984
Let's say the homosexual
has got you on the ground.

823
00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:21,280
Okay.
Und the homosexual, you know,
has got you down here.

824
00:53:21,365 --> 00:53:22,615
Right.
I go to pull this down.

825
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:26,244
I want to lock this,
lock this leg here.
Touching.

826
00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:27,954
Yeah.
Hit with the elbow.

827
00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:29,539
Boom. As I roll across.

828
00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:31,749
How do you protect yourself
from a dildo?

829
00:53:31,834 --> 00:53:33,543
So let's say I'm trying...

830
00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:35,336
Here, you know.

831
00:53:36,922 --> 00:53:38,506
Like that. You know?

832
00:53:38,590 --> 00:53:40,425
Und disarm the dildo?

833
00:53:40,509 --> 00:53:41,634
Yes.

834
00:53:42,177 --> 00:53:45,054
Is it harder to defend
against a black dildo?

835
00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:46,556
No.
Great.

836
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:50,143
One is just as easy
as the other
to defend against.

837
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:52,437
So, I'm attacking.
Boom.

838
00:53:53,439 --> 00:53:56,149
Like that.
Let's say
I go down and I...

839
00:53:56,734 --> 00:53:59,652
Trap it, work the knees.
Work the elbows.

840
00:54:00,404 --> 00:54:03,114
How do you defend
yourself against
the man with two dildos?

841
00:54:03,198 --> 00:54:05,825
Coming in. Here. Boom.

842
00:54:05,951 --> 00:54:10,163
Depending on his range.
Boom. Then to his face.
Boom.

843
00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:14,834
Okay? Kick around, boom.

844
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:16,544
(PANTING)

845
00:54:16,628 --> 00:54:18,004
He can't do nothing
from there.

846
00:54:18,088 --> 00:54:21,007
And if he's just running
with his pants down?

847
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:24,761
Here. Boom.
And then to the eyes.

848
00:54:25,137 --> 00:54:26,929
Homosexual
attacking your bum.
Leg here.

849
00:54:27,014 --> 00:54:30,933
And then come in
and break his arm.
Take it here, take him out.

850
00:54:31,018 --> 00:54:34,103
Break his arms.
Boom, break his ribs.
Break his arms.

851
00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:36,981
Okay. Thank you very much.
Fantastisch.

852
00:54:37,065 --> 00:54:38,608
Okay.
It's very useful.

853
00:54:38,692 --> 00:54:42,153
That's just totally different
than what I've ever tried to,
you know, work with.

854
00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:45,615
So you were never gay?

855
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:46,699
Mmm-mmm.

856
00:54:46,784 --> 00:54:50,244
It's ironic that
you should have
amazing blow job lips.

857
00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:51,704
Hmm.

858
00:54:52,372 --> 00:54:55,708
Well, these lips were
made to praise Jesus.

859
00:54:56,502 --> 00:54:59,796
No, they were made for
something else, but you're
just not using it for them.

860
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:01,214
Well...

861
00:55:01,298 --> 00:55:03,549
Are there any activities
you suggest

862
00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:06,469
where I'll be surrounded
just by straight guys?

863
00:55:06,553 --> 00:55:08,387
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

864
00:55:10,349 --> 00:55:14,018
LEADER: Let's go! Let's go!
ALL: Let's go! Let's go!

865
00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:17,814
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

866
00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:19,732
ALL: Push ups! Sit ups!

867
00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:24,237
Hurry up.
Get in here.
Was?

868
00:55:24,530 --> 00:55:27,114
Make this bed.
Hurry up.
Make the bed.

869
00:55:27,199 --> 00:55:28,991
But do you have something,
maybe a double...

870
00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:30,326
Make the bed!

871
00:55:30,410 --> 00:55:33,204
Could you hold
the sheet over there?

872
00:55:33,288 --> 00:55:34,247
I'm not holding
anything.

873
00:55:34,373 --> 00:55:35,706
Get down.
Get down.
Was?

874
00:55:35,791 --> 00:55:38,084
I said, get down!
Do push ups.

875
00:55:38,252 --> 00:55:41,003
This line right here is
a line that you don't cross.

876
00:55:41,088 --> 00:55:43,631
This is TAC Alley.
TAC Officer's...

877
00:55:43,715 --> 00:55:45,967
You're in it again.
This is my alley.

878
00:55:46,051 --> 00:55:47,218
I don't want to be
in your alley.

879
00:55:47,302 --> 00:55:50,596
Yeah, well, get out of it.
Your finger's in my alley.

880
00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:52,348
Not yet.

881
00:55:55,269 --> 00:55:58,187
By the way,
where's your uniform?
Go get your uniform on.

882
00:55:58,272 --> 00:55:59,272
Do it!

883
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:01,899
Oh, my gosh.

884
00:56:03,485 --> 00:56:05,361
What's up with the scarf?

885
00:56:05,445 --> 00:56:06,988
That is, like,
it's my own thing.

886
00:56:07,072 --> 00:56:09,574
Let me introduce you
to somebody.
Captain Miles.

887
00:56:09,658 --> 00:56:11,367
Candidate,
what are you doing?

888
00:56:11,451 --> 00:56:13,160
Stand at the position
of attention, candidate.

889
00:56:13,245 --> 00:56:15,746
Do it! Do it!
Head and eyes
straight forward, candidate.

890
00:56:15,831 --> 00:56:18,374
Head and eyes
straight forward.
Stand still, candidate.

891
00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:21,002
That is not part of
the uniform, candidate.
You need to take that off.

892
00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:23,921
This outfit is too
matchy-matchy as it is,

893
00:56:24,006 --> 00:56:27,884
and so I was just trying
to break it up with some
simple horizontal lines.

894
00:56:27,968 --> 00:56:30,845
Do you have an attitude,
candidate?
Do we detect an attitude?

895
00:56:30,929 --> 00:56:34,473
Sir, she's got an attitude.
MILES: What?

896
00:56:34,558 --> 00:56:37,018
Sir Officer Candidate,
did you just call me "she"?

897
00:56:37,144 --> 00:56:39,145
Get down, candidate!
Now!
Do it!

898
00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:41,397
What type belt is that,
candidate?

899
00:56:41,481 --> 00:56:42,773
What is that?

900
00:56:42,858 --> 00:56:44,734
D&G.
What is D&G?

901
00:56:44,818 --> 00:56:46,861
Dolce und Gabbana.
Hello?

902
00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:47,904
"Hello"?
"Hello"?

903
00:56:47,988 --> 00:56:49,530
Front in the rest position.
Get down, you!

904
00:56:49,865 --> 00:56:53,826
Sir Officer Candidate,
you deserve a medal
for exceptional skin.

905
00:56:54,536 --> 00:56:56,829
What are you talking...
What are you trying
to say, candidate?

906
00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,956
Sir Officer Candidate,
you could be a general

907
00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:01,792
in the Bitch Army
the way you're going.

908
00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:03,628
Did you use profanity again?
Did you use profanity?

909
00:57:03,712 --> 00:57:04,962
But you're being
really nasty.

910
00:57:05,047 --> 00:57:08,883
The OC guide states that
I will not use profanity
while I'm at OCS.

911
00:57:08,967 --> 00:57:11,636
Yes, mein Führer.
Yes, Officer Candidate.

912
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:14,013
OFFICER: Hurry up!
MAN 1: Hurry up! Let's go!

913
00:57:14,973 --> 00:57:16,390
MAN 2: Yeah, this is mine.
MILES: You better
help your buddy.

914
00:57:16,475 --> 00:57:18,684
(ALL SHOUTING)

915
00:57:20,187 --> 00:57:24,357
Get out of my TAC Alley.

916
00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:30,029
Hurry up! Hurry up!
OFFICER: Move over there!

917
00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:31,948
(ALL YELLING)

918
00:57:32,032 --> 00:57:33,991
(HIGH-PITCHED YELLING)

919
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,619
Salute!
Salute with
your right hand.

920
00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:37,787
OFFICER: Salute with
your right hand.

921
00:57:37,871 --> 00:57:39,664
That's not a salute.
That's not a salute.

922
00:57:39,748 --> 00:57:40,831
OFFICER: That's not a salute.

923
00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:45,586
Can I tell you
about the person
that changed my life?

924
00:57:45,671 --> 00:57:47,546
Was it Karl Lagerfeld?

925
00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:52,176
No, actually, his name
is Jesus. Jesus is
in this room right now.

926
00:57:52,260 --> 00:57:54,720
He never leaves us.
He never forsakes us.

927
00:57:54,805 --> 00:57:55,805
(WHISPERS) He's here.

928
00:57:55,889 --> 00:57:57,056
(WHISPERS) Amazing.

929
00:57:57,140 --> 00:57:58,724
That's exactly right.
He's amazing.

930
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:02,520
You want to be famous.
You'll be one
that's so famous, Brüno,

931
00:58:02,604 --> 00:58:06,273
you will prepare the way
for other young men
all over the world

932
00:58:06,358 --> 00:58:10,319
who want to come out of
the homosexual lifestyle and
make a change in their lives.

933
00:58:10,404 --> 00:58:13,239
And they'll say,
"If Brüno can do it,
then I can do it.

934
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:15,533
"How did he change?
How did you change, Brüno?"

935
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:18,494
And they'll say,
"It's Jesus. He changed me."

936
00:58:18,578 --> 00:58:20,663
But he wants to come into
your heart right now.

937
00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:23,040
Are you ready to
make that change?

938
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:25,042
Are you hitting on me?

939
00:58:26,044 --> 00:58:27,461
No, I'm not.

940
00:58:28,213 --> 00:58:32,758
Okay, good, 'cause I just...
That was, like, really hot,
that whole speech.

941
00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:36,470
Are there any
outdoor activities

942
00:58:36,555 --> 00:58:39,932
that I should do
if I want to
become straight?

943
00:58:40,142 --> 00:58:41,559
Absolutely.

944
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:43,561
Hi.
Hello.

945
00:58:46,982 --> 00:58:48,482
Mike. Brüno.
Brüno.

946
00:58:48,942 --> 00:58:49,984
Hey. Great.

947
00:58:50,068 --> 00:58:51,736
I'm Donny.
Brüno.

948
00:58:52,654 --> 00:58:53,863
Robert.

949
00:58:54,114 --> 00:58:56,365
You ever been hunting?
BRÜNO: I've never
killed an animal.

950
00:58:56,450 --> 00:58:59,744
Although, I did once
suffocate a hamster
in Mykonos.

951
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:08,252
The women, eh?
Do you prefer the vagina
or the mammary glands?

952
00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:11,630
I prefer the vagina.
Me, too.

953
00:59:12,049 --> 00:59:14,300
I love a woman
with a vagina.

954
00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:15,509
Yeah.

955
00:59:16,094 --> 00:59:17,303
My favorite.

956
00:59:17,387 --> 00:59:19,138
Didn't see anything.

957
00:59:19,973 --> 00:59:22,516
We were just talking
about vaginas.

958
00:59:22,642 --> 00:59:23,642
About what?

959
00:59:23,727 --> 00:59:25,728
Vaginas.
The woman's vagina.

960
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:26,896
Oh.

961
00:59:28,690 --> 00:59:32,151
Sharing stories
and saying how much
we enjoy them.

962
00:59:32,235 --> 00:59:33,486
Oh, yes.

963
00:59:33,779 --> 00:59:35,488
Really fantastisch.

964
00:59:35,989 --> 00:59:37,948
Really wonderful things.

965
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:40,659
It's my favorite.

966
00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:43,579
(SCREAMS)

967
00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:47,833
This is wonderful.

968
00:59:50,087 --> 00:59:52,004
This is what
rabbit look like.

969
00:59:57,886 --> 01:00:02,014
Look at the four of us.
We are so like
the Sex and the City girls.

970
01:00:03,100 --> 01:00:05,142
No, we aren't,
either.

971
01:00:06,186 --> 01:00:07,937
Which one
are you, Donny?

972
01:00:08,021 --> 01:00:10,564
I ain't any one of them.
I'm Donny.

973
01:00:11,775 --> 01:00:14,360
That is such
a Samantha thing to say.

974
01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:21,659
BRÜNO: I've never been
out of the city before.

975
01:00:21,743 --> 01:00:24,745
You haven't?
How's it feel?

976
01:00:25,288 --> 01:00:27,289
I feel a bit vulnerable.

977
01:00:29,334 --> 01:00:32,837
You know, I'm 19 years old,
I've got a perfect body.

978
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:37,424
You know, I really
don't want to wake up
tomorrow morning und find

979
01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:41,011
that I'm torn
in my Arschenholer.

980
01:00:43,932 --> 01:00:46,308
You probably
ain't the only one.

981
01:00:46,726 --> 01:00:48,561
Me, either, definitely.

982
01:00:50,063 --> 01:00:52,731
Wow, there's so many
stars in the sky.

983
01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:55,151
Full of them.

984
01:00:56,319 --> 01:00:59,488
Makes you think of
all the hot guys
in the world.

985
01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,769
Do we all share one tent
or what's more sensible?

986
01:01:30,854 --> 01:01:32,229
I hope not.

987
01:01:43,158 --> 01:01:44,199
(WHISPERING)

988
01:01:44,284 --> 01:01:57,087
(MIKE SPEAKING)

989
01:01:57,172 --> 01:02:01,133
(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

990
01:02:01,718 --> 01:02:03,260
(MIKE SPEAKING)

991
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:19,652
(BRÜNO WHISPERING)

992
01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:28,035
(MIKE SPEAKING)

993
01:02:28,203 --> 01:02:31,163
(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

994
01:02:31,331 --> 01:02:33,123
(MIKE SPEAKING)

995
01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:35,668
(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

996
01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:39,129
All right,
God damn it.

997
01:02:42,342 --> 01:02:45,177
BRÜNO: Reverend BJ found me
too much of a handful

998
01:02:45,261 --> 01:02:47,262
and put me in touch
with one of his chums.

999
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:50,057
You look decent in that.

1000
01:02:52,018 --> 01:02:53,727
Look like a straight guy,
how's that?

1001
01:02:53,812 --> 01:02:55,062
(LAUGHS)

1002
01:02:56,398 --> 01:02:58,315
Women are good for us.

1003
01:02:59,734 --> 01:03:02,486
They're good even though

1004
01:03:02,570 --> 01:03:06,073
they appear to us
to be terribly conventional.

1005
01:03:06,658 --> 01:03:10,536
And we find that
somewhat irritating

1006
01:03:12,372 --> 01:03:14,957
that they complain so much.

1007
01:03:15,834 --> 01:03:17,835
Right.
But we need that.

1008
01:03:18,253 --> 01:03:21,839
We need many of the things

1009
01:03:22,340 --> 01:03:28,053
that, at first glance,
are annoying and irritating.

1010
01:03:29,222 --> 01:03:32,474
And women often
don't stick to the point.

1011
01:03:32,559 --> 01:03:37,229
They're often talking about
one thing and then another
and then another,

1012
01:03:37,647 --> 01:03:41,442
and they never get
back to the first point
maybe ever.

1013
01:03:42,902 --> 01:03:47,823
I am repulsed by the idea
of making the sex
with a woman.

1014
01:03:49,159 --> 01:03:53,996
The important thing is
to be around women,

1015
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:58,542
somewhat,
that you find tolerable
or interesting

1016
01:03:59,127 --> 01:04:02,087
and give them a chance
to seduce you.

1017
01:04:07,385 --> 01:04:08,969
(DOORBELL RINGS)

1018
01:04:09,054 --> 01:04:10,637
How did you
get into it?

1019
01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:12,931
(ALL LAUGHING)
We, actually,
our first time was on our...

1020
01:04:13,058 --> 01:04:14,850
Our honeymoon.
Yeah.

1021
01:04:14,934 --> 01:04:19,104
Of all nights for us to swing,
the first time was
for our honeymoon.

1022
01:04:20,815 --> 01:04:23,358
Und what is your
favorite position?

1023
01:04:24,402 --> 01:04:27,321
That would be missionary
or reverse cowgirl.

1024
01:04:27,822 --> 01:04:29,948
What's reverse cowgirl?

1025
01:04:30,742 --> 01:04:32,242
Show me. I'll pretend
to be the woman.

1026
01:04:32,327 --> 01:04:33,368
Like, I'm sitting here,
and...

1027
01:04:33,453 --> 01:04:37,206
Yeah,
and so, if I'm the woman...
Don't worry. Yeah, so what?

1028
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:38,373
You'd be sitting
like that,

1029
01:04:38,458 --> 01:04:40,876
and that's called
reverse cowgirl.
Right. Right.

1030
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,796
And then
when you're facing me,
that's called cowgirl.

1031
01:04:44,547 --> 01:04:47,257
This one here is cowgirl
or reverse cowgirl?

1032
01:04:47,342 --> 01:04:48,509
This is cowgirl.

1033
01:04:48,593 --> 01:04:51,303
And then when you're turned
the opposite way,
it's reverse cowgirl.

1034
01:04:57,143 --> 01:04:58,727
Und what other positions
are there?

1035
01:04:58,812 --> 01:05:01,063
Power driver.
Right.

1036
01:05:01,147 --> 01:05:02,314
Sixty-nine.

1037
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:04,066
But this is
the girl's position.

1038
01:05:04,150 --> 01:05:06,693
(INHALES DEEPLY)
You don't want to be
like this if you're a guy.

1039
01:05:06,778 --> 01:05:08,779
There's missionary,
doggy style.

1040
01:05:08,863 --> 01:05:10,114
So what's doggy style like?

1041
01:05:10,198 --> 01:05:12,741
You'd be bent over,
like a dog does it.

1042
01:05:12,826 --> 01:05:14,243
Yeah. Like that?
Uh-huh.

1043
01:05:14,327 --> 01:05:16,328
All right, and then
what would you be doing?

1044
01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:17,996
If you was a woman,
I would be humping you.

1045
01:05:18,039 --> 01:05:19,790
No, show me.
(LAUGHING) I'm not
gonna show you.

1046
01:05:19,874 --> 01:05:21,250
You're a man.
Don't be a faggot.

1047
01:05:21,334 --> 01:05:23,961
(CHUCKLING) Come on.
What's the big deal?
It's just a couple of guys.

1048
01:05:24,045 --> 01:05:26,255
I'd be humping you
like that.

1049
01:05:27,048 --> 01:05:29,216
Wow, I can't wait
to do this to a woman.

1050
01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:30,425
(LAUGHS)

1051
01:05:31,219 --> 01:05:32,845
(WOMAN MOANING)

1052
01:05:39,853 --> 01:05:42,521
Anybody want
a sandwich
or something?

1053
01:05:43,398 --> 01:05:44,690
(MOANING)

1054
01:05:45,859 --> 01:05:48,193
Yeah. Great.

1055
01:05:50,029 --> 01:05:51,738
Very good. You've got
great hair actually.

1056
01:05:51,823 --> 01:05:53,615
Thank you.
Yeah.

1057
01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:03,876
(EXHALES)
That was great.

1058
01:06:05,211 --> 01:06:07,796
Oh, yeah.
Good boy.

1059
01:06:08,298 --> 01:06:09,548
(MOANING)

1060
01:06:10,216 --> 01:06:11,550
Fuck, yeah.

1061
01:06:13,428 --> 01:06:15,095
You're doing
a great job.

1062
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:16,513
Thank you.

1063
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:19,975
Come on, Jack,
look me in the eyes.

1064
01:06:20,059 --> 01:06:22,394
Look me in the eye.
You can do this.

1065
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:25,564
(LAUGHS)

1066
01:06:25,648 --> 01:06:26,648
(MAN LAUGHING)
Dude.

1067
01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:29,818
Why would he
look you in the eyes when
he's looking at a pussy?

1068
01:06:29,903 --> 01:06:31,028
Why would he look you
in the eyes?

1069
01:06:31,112 --> 01:06:32,988
No, no.
Just for concentration.

1070
01:06:33,072 --> 01:06:34,448
He does not look
in a guy's...

1071
01:06:34,532 --> 01:06:36,074
I don't need you
for concentration, okay?

1072
01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:38,827
Look her in the eye.
This is a fucking
swingers party. Okay?

1073
01:06:38,912 --> 01:06:40,662
If you don't want pussy,
if you don't want fucking...

1074
01:06:40,747 --> 01:06:42,748
No, I want...
Then quit fucking
touching me

1075
01:06:42,832 --> 01:06:45,709
and quit telling me
to look at you
in the eye. Okay?

1076
01:06:45,793 --> 01:06:48,503
I didn't come here
for no fucking
queer shit. Okay?

1077
01:06:48,588 --> 01:06:50,088
Me, neither.
Okay.

1078
01:06:50,173 --> 01:06:51,632
Let's keep it
at that then.
Cool.

1079
01:06:51,716 --> 01:06:54,676
This is a fucking
swingers party.
Right, guys?

1080
01:06:54,761 --> 01:06:56,887
JACK: I see what the fuck
you're doing, dude.

1081
01:06:56,971 --> 01:06:58,138
Hi.
JACK: Did he not
try to pull

1082
01:06:58,223 --> 01:06:59,890
that queer shit
on you out there?
Hi. How you doing?

1083
01:06:59,974 --> 01:07:02,267
JACK: I don't need
this motherfucker
touching me on the back,

1084
01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:04,394
telling me to look him
in the fucking eye. Right?

1085
01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:08,023
I was just going
to the kitchen.
I know, yeah. Come on.

1086
01:07:08,816 --> 01:07:11,902
What's this shit?
Let's take this off.

1087
01:07:12,779 --> 01:07:15,572
Let's maybe we get
to know each other
a little.

1088
01:07:15,698 --> 01:07:18,367
I think you broke that,
actually.
I don't give a fuck.

1089
01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:22,287
Yeah, there is...
Let's get to know
each other a little bit first.

1090
01:07:22,455 --> 01:07:24,581
(EXCLAIMS)
Know each other? What?

1091
01:07:24,666 --> 01:07:26,959
You must produce
a lot of milk.

1092
01:07:27,293 --> 01:07:29,711
I don't want you
to do something
that you'll regret.

1093
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:33,298
You wake up tomorrow,
you've lost your virginity,
and you feel ashamed.

1094
01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:36,718
You know, let's take
this a little slower.

1095
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:38,887
We should reschedule.
Sit the fuck down.

1096
01:07:38,972 --> 01:07:40,555
Sit the fuck down.
Ow!

1097
01:07:40,848 --> 01:07:42,266
Don't fuck around!

1098
01:07:42,976 --> 01:07:45,352
No, let's do this
the right way.

1099
01:07:45,436 --> 01:07:46,728
(BOTH EXHALE)

1100
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:49,314
I go, and I sit down
with your father,
we talk about this.

1101
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:50,899
If he gives
his permission...
What?

1102
01:07:50,984 --> 01:07:52,359
Would you quit being
a little bitch here

1103
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:55,320
and take
your little briefs off
before I fucking rip them?

1104
01:07:55,530 --> 01:07:57,072
Wait. Yes.

1105
01:07:57,156 --> 01:07:58,240
Yeah.
Fine.

1106
01:07:58,324 --> 01:07:59,408
Thanks.
Okay. Great.

1107
01:07:59,492 --> 01:08:01,410
I don't like
this little shit.

1108
01:08:01,494 --> 01:08:03,912
Yes, well,
I want to really make
this heterosexual sex.

1109
01:08:03,997 --> 01:08:05,872
It's going to be
fantastisch!

1110
01:08:05,957 --> 01:08:09,918
Do as I say.
Take that fucking
shit off now!

1111
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:11,003
(WHOOPS)

1112
01:08:11,045 --> 01:08:13,463
Don't...
You fold them.
(EXCLAIMS) Fuck.

1113
01:08:13,548 --> 01:08:16,341
You gotta fold that neatly.
You don't treat suede
like that. It stains.

1114
01:08:16,426 --> 01:08:18,844
Sit the fuck down.
Take it off!

1115
01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:22,431
I've got an idea.
Let's play a little bit
of dress-up here.

1116
01:08:22,515 --> 01:08:23,473
It will be erotisch.

1117
01:08:23,558 --> 01:08:25,517
What is this?
You gonna dress me
like a man?

1118
01:08:25,601 --> 01:08:26,977
No, it's just a beard.

1119
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:28,645
Am I supposed
to wear a beard?
It's just a...

1120
01:08:28,730 --> 01:08:30,105
Come on,
it will be fun.

1121
01:08:30,189 --> 01:08:31,398
I don't need a beard.

1122
01:08:31,482 --> 01:08:32,899
Take it off! Now!

1123
01:08:32,984 --> 01:08:34,234
Once you put the...

1124
01:08:34,319 --> 01:08:36,778
(EXCLAIMING)

1125
01:08:36,863 --> 01:08:39,239
Fuck! Take it off.
Okay. I'm...

1126
01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:40,490
Okay,
I'm going to do this.
Right now!

1127
01:08:40,575 --> 01:08:43,327
Get on your fucking knees
and suck my spike here, bitch.

1128
01:08:45,913 --> 01:08:48,040
Okay. Help!

1129
01:08:48,374 --> 01:08:50,042
Don't fuck around!

1130
01:08:53,338 --> 01:08:55,047
BRÜNO: Don't call me gay!

1131
01:08:55,548 --> 01:08:59,551
I'm gonna become straight.
I'm gonna become
über straight.

1132
01:09:00,636 --> 01:09:03,555
I'm gonna be
the straightest man
who's ever lived.

1133
01:09:03,639 --> 01:09:07,642
Und then I'll be famous.
You'll see. You'll see.

1134
01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:17,486
(DISTANT CHEERING)

1135
01:09:20,740 --> 01:09:22,866
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

1136
01:09:29,916 --> 01:09:31,416
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1137
01:09:31,501 --> 01:09:34,961
What's up, Arkansas?
How's everybody doing?

1138
01:09:37,465 --> 01:09:39,841
You guys ready to see
a little ass kicking tonight?

1139
01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:41,510
(AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)

1140
01:09:41,594 --> 01:09:44,930
Make some noise, everybody.
Put your hands together.
Make some noise

1141
01:09:45,014 --> 01:09:50,143
for the host of the brand-new
TV show, Straight Dave's
Man Slammin' Maxout.

1142
01:09:50,353 --> 01:09:54,481
Give it up
for Straight Dave!

1143
01:09:54,565 --> 01:09:55,690
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1144
01:09:55,775 --> 01:09:59,611
Straight Dave.
Straight Dave.

1145
01:10:00,321 --> 01:10:01,780
(CHEERING)

1146
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:17,921
(SHOUTING)

1147
01:10:19,173 --> 01:10:22,384
Are you ready for
some man-slamming
action?

1148
01:10:23,845 --> 01:10:27,514
Who's ready for
an old-fashioned
heterofest?

1149
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:34,146
Are you 100%
hetero like me?

1150
01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:45,198
Who out there is
proud to be straight?

1151
01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:50,203
Let me hear you
say straight pride.

1152
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:51,746
ALL: Straight pride.

1153
01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:53,498
Straight pride.

1154
01:10:53,583 --> 01:10:55,000
ALL: Straight pride.

1155
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:59,087
I am so straight
that when I bought
my house,

1156
01:10:59,172 --> 01:11:02,674
the first thing I did
was brick up the back door.

1157
01:11:02,758 --> 01:11:04,509
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1158
01:11:06,053 --> 01:11:10,098
You know why?
Because my asshole's
just for shitting.

1159
01:11:10,183 --> 01:11:11,766
Let me hear you say that.

1160
01:11:11,851 --> 01:11:14,352
ALL: My asshole's
just for shitting.

1161
01:11:15,104 --> 01:11:18,481
It's great to have
an evening
with straight people.

1162
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:21,401
It's great not to
have any fags here.

1163
01:11:21,485 --> 01:11:23,111
MAN: You're a faggot!

1164
01:11:24,197 --> 01:11:26,156
Who called me a faggot?

1165
01:11:26,699 --> 01:11:30,660
Whoever called me
a faggot come up here,
and I'll beat your Arsch.

1166
01:11:31,078 --> 01:11:34,206
Who called Straight Dave
a faggot? Come up here.

1167
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:45,592
Let him in.

1168
01:11:45,676 --> 01:11:47,719
(AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)

1169
01:11:52,183 --> 01:11:55,685
Who wants to see me
beat this fag's ass?

1170
01:11:57,688 --> 01:12:00,065
Who wants me
to beat this...

1171
01:12:02,318 --> 01:12:03,318
Fuck him up!

1172
01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:04,736
Get him, motherfucker!

1173
01:12:05,154 --> 01:12:06,863
(BOTH GRUNTING)

1174
01:12:07,949 --> 01:12:09,908
Beat his fucking ass!

1175
01:12:26,717 --> 01:12:28,176
Kick his ass!

1176
01:12:37,186 --> 01:12:39,646
(SLOW ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)

1177
01:12:42,483 --> 01:12:43,608
(INAUDIBLE)

1178
01:12:46,112 --> 01:12:47,904
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

1179
01:12:54,578 --> 01:12:55,996
Fucking fag!

1180
01:12:59,458 --> 01:13:02,961
Homo! Queer fags!
Motherfuckers!

1181
01:13:12,179 --> 01:13:13,638
(EXCLAIMING)

1182
01:13:19,812 --> 01:13:21,980
Stop! Stop!

1183
01:13:28,779 --> 01:13:32,449
Get out of my town.
You all are sick.

1184
01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:39,789
Tell him we don't have
no faggots here in Arkansas.
Take that shit somewhere else.

1185
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:44,127
(SHOUTING)
You pussy-ass faggot
motherfucker!

1186
01:14:03,022 --> 01:14:04,397
(SHOUTING)

1187
01:14:07,526 --> 01:14:09,736
AUDIENCE: (CHANTING)
Fuck that shit!

1188
01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:11,488
Fuck that shit!

1189
01:14:11,572 --> 01:14:14,949
Fuck that shit!
Fuck that shit!

1190
01:14:31,050 --> 01:14:32,634
(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

1191
01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:38,223
BRÜNO: The footage went
everywhere, und Brüno
became über famous.

1192
01:14:38,307 --> 01:14:39,641
(CHATTERING)

1193
01:14:39,725 --> 01:14:43,728
As for Lutz,
we decided to get
married in California.

1194
01:14:44,688 --> 01:14:48,066
But because of the law,
we had to be a bit inventive.

1195
01:14:48,401 --> 01:14:51,444
I feel this is
the biggest step you'll ever
make in your lifetime.

1196
01:14:52,029 --> 01:14:53,822
It's a very big moment.
That's right.

1197
01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:57,033
Am I going to be able
to meet her before
we actually start?

1198
01:14:57,118 --> 01:14:58,243
Sure.

1199
01:15:11,048 --> 01:15:14,467
I... I don't marry
two men or two women.

1200
01:15:14,677 --> 01:15:18,138
If she's a man,
then how did it
give birth to our son?

1201
01:15:20,516 --> 01:15:23,268
You gave birth to
a little black child?

1202
01:15:23,686 --> 01:15:24,769
(IN FALSETTO) Yes.

1203
01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,939
When did you
have the baby?

1204
01:15:28,274 --> 01:15:31,401
I don't even know why
I'm asking that question.

1205
01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:34,863
BRÜNO: But even though
marriage was a nicht-nicht,

1206
01:15:34,947 --> 01:15:37,240
we weren't
gonna let it get us down.

1207
01:15:37,324 --> 01:15:39,868
We were happy.
We had each other.

1208
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:41,703
And we had O.J. Back,

1209
01:15:42,246 --> 01:15:44,956
although he did cost us
a MacBook Pro.

1210
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:48,168
Plus, ich was now
so famous

1211
01:15:48,252 --> 01:15:52,505
that I was able to record
mein very own charity video.

1212
01:15:54,258 --> 01:15:56,301
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

1213
01:16:01,307 --> 01:16:03,016
(SINGING)
I've written a song

1214
01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:08,271
that I hope is gonna
bring the world together

1215
01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:17,780
Put down your guns and bombs

1216
01:16:18,616 --> 01:16:21,743
and just make love forever

1217
01:16:22,244 --> 01:16:23,620
Okay, then.

1218
01:16:27,875 --> 01:16:30,835
He's come to heal the world

1219
01:16:31,837 --> 01:16:34,130
and make all nations calmer

1220
01:16:40,804 --> 01:16:44,599
I am the Austrian Jesus

1221
01:16:45,017 --> 01:16:48,394
He is the white Obama

1222
01:16:48,938 --> 01:16:50,688
He's the white Obama

1223
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:57,278
War's just based
on hate and fear

1224
01:16:57,363 --> 01:17:00,657
Stop fighting,
North and South Korea

1225
01:17:01,450 --> 01:17:04,494
You're both
basically Chinese

1226
01:17:04,745 --> 01:17:07,288
And he's Brüno,
dove of peace

1227
01:17:07,373 --> 01:17:10,208
Hey, yo, Brüno,
where the bitches at?

1228
01:17:11,043 --> 01:17:13,711
BOTH: You are Brüno,
dove of peace

1229
01:17:13,796 --> 01:17:17,215
SNOOP DOGG:
You do it, fashion model
You got the cute hos

1230
01:17:17,633 --> 01:17:21,386
ALL: You are Brüno,
dove of peace

1231
01:17:21,470 --> 01:17:22,554
(SNIFFS)

1232
01:17:22,638 --> 01:17:24,305
You know,
I love black guys.
I'm a chocoholic.

1233
01:17:24,390 --> 01:17:27,600
ALL: Du bist Brüno,
dove of peace

1234
01:17:27,685 --> 01:17:29,352
Brüno wants peace.

1235
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:33,439
Either we gonna have peace,
or we gonna have
motherfucking war.

1236
01:17:34,108 --> 01:17:37,068
I have a dream
for the Third World

1237
01:17:37,778 --> 01:17:41,281
Clean water,
food and teaching

1238
01:17:47,079 --> 01:17:50,582
In every village
and every town

1239
01:17:51,292 --> 01:17:54,419
a place for
anal bleaching

1240
01:18:00,426 --> 01:18:03,886
We need to rid
the world of hunger

1241
01:18:03,971 --> 01:18:07,348
I'm like Bono,
except much younger

1242
01:18:07,850 --> 01:18:10,852
He's only 19

1243
01:18:10,936 --> 01:18:13,771
Ich bin Brüno,
dove of peace

1244
01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:19,110
Hey, hey, he gay, he gay

1245
01:18:20,070 --> 01:18:21,154
Okay.

1246
01:18:30,289 --> 01:21:20,917
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)