1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,995
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,438
DEANNA: Hey! Hi, there!

3
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,310
Oh, boy, look at this.

4
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,447
(GRUNTS)

5
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,649
(SIGHS)

6
00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,447
Pretty as ever. Ha!

7
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,278
Oh! Exciting!

8
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:23,368
Oh!

9
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,157
What, did you pack

10
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,333
your bowling ball collection
in here?

11
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,790
Oh, my God! He's in
a good mood. (CHUCKLES)

12
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,005
- Who do I love, huh?
- (CHUCKLES)

13
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,582
Who do I love?
You know I love you.

14
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,500
Yeah, I love you, too, Mom.

15
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,298
(GRUNTS)

16
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,801
Senior year, huh?
I mean, this is the one.

17
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,058
They're all important but,
boy, this is the one

18
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:44,010
that really takes you
to the finish line.

19
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,473
What do I always tell you?

20
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,054
I got this.

21
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,723
You got this.

22
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,688
Tell you what I won't miss.
Paying 28 grand a year.

23
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:52,943
- Oh.
- Dad.

24
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,354
Don't listen to him.

25
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,735
He just likes to squeeze
the coin purse.

26
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,191
(DEANNA SIGHS)

27
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,776
I just love it here.

28
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,195
I love being back at our
alma mater, right, honey?

29
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,988
Well, technically,
it's my alma mater.

30
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,072
You didn't graduate.

31
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,287
(WHISPERS) He loves it.

32
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,000
(SIGHS) Oh, boy, here come
the waterworks.

33
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,459
- Mom!
- No, you know what?

34
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,290
I think I just need
some cheese or something.

35
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,425
- I'm a little snackish.
- (CHUCKLES)

36
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,136
Okay, traffic. We got traffic.

37
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:23,266
Okay. All right.
We're gonna release, okay.

38
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:24,433
(BOTH LAUGH)

39
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,807
You're a remarkable
young lady.

40
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:30,223
My love for you
is very, very fierce.

41
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,731
What? I'm only
22 minutes away!

42
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,146
That's 22 minutes
too far for me.

43
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,109
Have so much fun
in Italy, guys.

44
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,190
It's gonna be amazing.

45
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,109
<i>Arrivederci!</i> That's Italian.

46
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,402
- Have fun.
- Thanks.

47
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,829
Save your receipts.
Just kidding, but save them.

48
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,284
Okay.

49
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,707
Hatchback. (TAPS CAR)

50
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,827
Oh, yup. Oh, boy.

51
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,079
(GRUNTS)

52
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,289
<i>- Ciao,</i> honey!
- (CAR HORN BLARING)

53
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:55,547
<i>Ciao!</i>

54
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,254
We're both fluent.
I'm coming, Dan.

55
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,636
Beep beep yourself, mister.

56
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,138
Somebody trying

57
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,090
to get me in the car
all to himself, huh?

58
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,384
- Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, boy.

59
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:07,514
Four weeks in Italy, hmm?

60
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,554
Are you ready? I'm ready.

61
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,314
I've always enjoyed
our staycations,

62
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,474
but I think
I'm ready for a little

63
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,560
gondola ride with my fella.

64
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,649
Oh. Wait, wait, wait!

65
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,610
I wanna see our girl go in.

66
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:22,442
Oh-ho! Look at that.

67
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,947
(LAUGHS)

68
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,322
I want a divorce.

69
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,118
- What?
- I want a divorce.

70
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:35,038
God, it feels good
to say that out loud.

71
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,999
I wanna be completely
transparent with you, Deanna.

72
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,384
I am in love
with someone else.

73
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,546
Who are you in love with?

74
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,760
Marcie.

75
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,345
Marcie Strong.

76
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,435
The realtor?

77
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,972
The one on the bus benches?

78
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,686
She's also on a series of
small billboards downtown,

79
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,022
and she has
a pretty respectable

80
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,273
social media following.

81
00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,528
(VOICE BREAKING) Oh, my God!

82
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,697
- Don't... Please...
- Don't touch me.

83
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,859
- Stay in the car, please.
- I'm gonna be sick.

84
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,069
I know this seems mean,

85
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,995
but I'm doing it
to facilitate a clean break.

86
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,202
Like ripping
a Band-Aid off quickly.

87
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,536
This is better for you.

88
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,538
Don't you dare tell me that
this is better for me.

89
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,083
Also in the interest
of complete transparency...

90
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,626
I'm gonna sell the house.

91
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,760
You can't do that.
That's not how it works.

92
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,592
Marcie already started
the paperwork

93
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,763
and it's all in my name.

94
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,057
(SOBBING)

95
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,641
Stop it!
Look, this is a lease.

96
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,142
We still have
10 months' payments...

97
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,558
- Stop it, please!
- I don't care if it's a lease.

98
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,524
- Please, get back in the car.
- (CAR BEEPING)

99
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,439
(BEEPING STOPS)

100
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,148
Oh, that's gonna cost.

101
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,363
We'll talk about this later.

102
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,152
DEANNA: Just go, Dan.

103
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,447
Now I gotta use Waze.

104
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:55,584
(SOBBING)

105
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,751
(SNIFFLES)

106
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,093
23 years of marriage,
just down the tubes.

107
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,220
I mean...
Can you believe that?

108
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,511
No. I'm just
so disappointed in Dan,

109
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,020
and what's Maddie gonna do?

110
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,102
I mean, you've gotta
cancel the trip to Italy.

111
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:21,061
You know, I honest to God,
I didn't see it coming.

112
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,855
You always hear that,
but I didn't see it coming.

113
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,898
Let me tell you this,
Dan doesn't deserve you.

114
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,068
You're such a great lady,
Deanna.

115
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:31,158
Thank you. That's very nice
of you. (SNIFFLES)

116
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,200
This is it. My parents' house
is just up here on the right.

117
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,912
Thanks, Dale. And, uh...

118
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,127
From the bottom of my heart...

119
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,257
I'm gonna give you
a great Uber review.

120
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,168
Aw, well, I hope your day
gets better, Deanna.

121
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,803
I'm sure it will.

122
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,306
(CONTINUES SOBBING)

123
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,104
Can I make you a sandwich?

124
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:03,566
No, thanks, Mom.
I'm just not hungry.

125
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,947
What about a tuna salad
sandwich or egg salad?

126
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,030
- You like egg salad.
- I do like egg salad.

127
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,240
But, I promise you,
I'll let you know...

128
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,623
(STAMMERS) But I'm really
not hungry right now.

129
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,952
At least Marcie is attractive.

130
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,915
- Mike!
- Dad! Oh, my God!

131
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,421
What did I say?

132
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,583
It'd be even worse
if she was homely.

133
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,172
- No, it would not!
- Okay. You know what?

134
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,086
That Dan, no good.

135
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,005
I knew that, you know,
first time

136
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,681
he tried to make you
drop out of college.

137
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,184
What kind of man
makes his pregnant wife

138
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,720
drop out of college
with one year to go, huh?

139
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:41,482
Mike, lower your voice.
You're upsetting Razzles.

140
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,233
Oh, I'm sorry, Razzy.

141
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,690
DEANNA: He didn't make me
drop out of school.

142
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,480
Dan and I
decided that together.

143
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:48,610
We were having a baby!

144
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,696
We needed to save money.

145
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,485
We could only afford one of us
to finish school,

146
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:56,121
and he thought it was more
important that he went.

147
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,498
- MIKE: Okay.
- Okay?

148
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,953
I was always
supposed to go back.

149
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,205
- It just never happened.
- (MIKE SIGHS)

150
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,461
You were just so close
to graduating.

151
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,873
I think it just kind of sticks
in his craw.

152
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,507
Yeah, it just sticks
in my craw a little bit.

153
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,465
I've got an idea, honey.

154
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,722
What about a ham sandwich?

155
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,430
Sandy, she doesn't want
a ham sandwich.

156
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,219
But she likes ham, Mike.

157
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,434
Of course she likes ham.
Everybody likes ham!

158
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,351
But the point is
that she's too upset to eat!

159
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,859
Okay, you know
what's upsetting me

160
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,482
is that my marriage
has collapsed,

161
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,399
and you two keep
screaming about ham!

162
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:31,736
I'm not screaming about ham.

163
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,526
- You are screaming about ham!
- You are!

164
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,864
- (MIKE STAMMERS)
- Yeah, stop it!

165
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,407
You think I'm screaming
about ham?

166
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,493
Right now, your voice is
going up with "ham"!

167
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,250
Fine! I'm screaming about ham!
I can't help it!

168
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,752
I'm up on the roof there!
I'm blowing through the roof!

169
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,130
(STAMMERING)
I feel like I'm gonna

170
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,832
blow like a hot water heater!

171
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,625
I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go right now.

172
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,092
I'm making
everyone a sandwich.

173
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,297
(SIGHS)

174
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,724
Mom, am I the only one
that didn't see it coming?

175
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,226
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna shoot Dan.

176
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,477
- Mike.
- Yeah!

177
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,185
Put the gun down.
You are not shooting Dan.

178
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,894
Dad, stop waving
that gun around.

179
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,980
I know exactly
what I'm gonna do.

180
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,186
- (GUN FIRES)
- (DOG YELPS)

181
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,145
Oh, my gosh!
You almost hit Razzles.

182
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,235
Michael, you put a hole
in the stairs!

183
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,157
(STAMMERING)

184
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,031
You know what?
Dan's fault!

185
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,321
This was Dan's fault.

186
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:24,581
(SPITS)

187
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,499
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

188
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,686
(GRUNTING)

189
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,575
Ow! Shit!

190
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,657
(PANTING)

191
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,378
- (EXPLOSION)
- (GASPS)

192
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,757
(GROANS)

193
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,010
(GRUNTING)

194
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,017
Whoo!

195
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,933
(LAUGHING)

196
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,058
You can't call this
racquetball.

197
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,771
That's a disgrace to the game.

198
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,737
DEANNA: You know what?
I know I fought you on it,

199
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,399
but thank you for getting me
out of the house.

200
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,659
Oh, come on. What do you think
best friends are for, huh?

201
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,364
EUGENE: Hey! Hey!

202
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,951
Excuse me, there's no alcohol
on the courts.

203
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,956
- Ah, suck it, Eugene!
- (BALL CLATTERS)

204
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,412
Go easy on the kid, huh?

205
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,418
You know what? How many
of those have you had?

206
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,795
I had, uh... I had

207
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,088
- three on the way over here.
- Yeah.

208
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,089
I made Frank drive me.

209
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,334
You've had four here.

210
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,094
- You've had seven?
- I've had seven.

211
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,300
What are we supposed to do?
Wait around here all day?

212
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:02,967
Let's just show them
how it's done, okay?

213
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,927
- (GRUNTS)
- (SCREAMS)

214
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,764
- Oh, my God!
- (GASPS) I'm sorry.

215
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,603
CHRISTINE: Right in
the lady business.

216
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,608
It's not funny!

217
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,644
- Shut up!
- It's not funny.

218
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,155
Oh, my! Oh!
That's like a pain.

219
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,815
I'm really sorry.

220
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,575
I think I was thinking
about Dan's face

221
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,828
- or maybe his crotchal area.
- Yeah.

222
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,784
- No, but you're good.
- I kind of let loose.

223
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,540
- You got good aim. Wow!
- (SIGHS)

224
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,917
What am I doing?
I am drinking alcohol

225
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,295
on a racquetball court
and yelling at old men.

226
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,625
I mean, what am I gonna do?

227
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:36,338
Go get a studio apartment
or start taking spin classes?

228
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,969
Oh, God! I don't wanna
start a blog.

229
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,801
I don't... I don't know
how to do that.

230
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,260
Please don't do that.

231
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,678
I should have
just fought more.

232
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,105
- You know?
- Don't do that to yourself.

233
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,267
You did great.

234
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,979
What about Maddie?

235
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,270
She's so great.

236
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,528
She's so great.

237
00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:00,362
I don't regret that at all.
I mean, I...

238
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,408
That's the best,
I mean, being her mom.

239
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,571
I even liked being a wife.

240
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,704
I just wanted
to also have a career.

241
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,788
I didn't see why I couldn't
have all of those things.

242
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:12,040
- Mmm-hmm.
- Hey, yo! We don't have time

243
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,167
for your heartfelt
conversations, eh!

244
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,623
They're so ornery.

245
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,209
Okay, let's razzle-dazzle,
and show...

246
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,969
Oh, God, we have
to move again?

247
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,637
Show the Muppet judges, right?

248
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,924
Oh, my sciatica's kicking.

249
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,093
Oh, God! Wow!

250
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,557
The pain, it's blinding!

251
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:30,812
I'm so sorry...

252
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,640
I'm so sorry I did that.
I didn't mean to hit you.

253
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,103
You don't need
to apologize to me.

254
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,231
Just apologize to my vagina.

255
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,437
(BOTH LAUGHING)

256
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,231
- I'm so sorry.
- (LAUGHS)

257
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,740
Stacey accepts your apology.

258
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,243
- Who's Stacey?
- She's my vagina.

259
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:45,944
You know what?

260
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,246
I shouldn't say anything.
Mine is LeVonne.

261
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,405
What?

262
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,412
I thought it sounded French.

263
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,373
(QUIETLY) Oh, my God.

264
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,505
Oh. (LAUGHS)

265
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,468
(SIGHS)

266
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,143
That was not good hair.

267
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,688
Too short. Too short, Deanna.

268
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,224
Huh.

269
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,168
- A-boo!
- (GASPS)

270
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,083
- Oh, God!
- Mom!

271
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:44,174
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean
to actually scare you.

272
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:45,963
- Hi!
- Surprise!

273
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,881
What are you doing here?

274
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:51,678
Well, I was just bringing you
some mini toiletries,

275
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,811
and I got you some more
of that shampoo

276
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,230
that I know you like so much.

277
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,607
Mom, I've only been here
a week.

278
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,900
I don't need more shampoo.

279
00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,528
Oh, I always think
everyone can use shampoo,

280
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:05,237
and floss and frozen
vegetable medleys.

281
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,367
Always a good thing
to have around.

282
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,574
That's why I stopped by,

283
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,238
and also to tell you that

284
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,574
your father and I
are getting a divorce,

285
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,868
but if you want me
to take the shampoo back...

286
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,081
Wait, what?

287
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:19,963
Yeah, honey.

288
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:22,375
(SIGHS)

289
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,801
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to just blurt that out.

290
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,178
I'm sorry.

291
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,929
- Oh, my God!
- Come here.

292
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:32,100
Oh. I didn't mean
to do it like that.

293
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,432
You know that this has
nothing to do

294
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,058
with how much we love you,

295
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,973
because we love you.
We love you so much.

296
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,979
So much. Okay?

297
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,356
Oh, my God.

298
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,779
Uh, what happened?

299
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,191
Well, I guess in a nutshell,
I would have to say

300
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,200
that he is currently having

301
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,994
an intimate
sexual relationship

302
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,746
with somebody
named Marcie. (SCOFFS)

303
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,619
I'm so sorry, Mom.

304
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,125
No, I'm... (SIGHS) I'm sorry.

305
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,536
I mean, this was not my plan.

306
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,797
I did not mean
to come over here,

307
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,379
and just dump bad news on you.

308
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,256
(STAMMERS)

309
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,133
I wish I knew
how to do this better.

310
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,763
Dad is such an ass!

311
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,889
Yeah. But I'll tell you this.

312
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,643
I'm not even
really a full week in,

313
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,271
but I'm feeling
peppier about it.

314
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,727
Top of the week was...
(WHISTLES)

315
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,855
Really, really
spiraling down there,

316
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:26,397
but I feel like there's some
big wheels in motion here.

317
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:30,158
Exciting, big,
semi-truck size wheels.

318
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,156
- (LAUGHS)
- Yes, big wheels!

319
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,617
Come on, seize the day!
Go for the gold!

320
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,659
Yeah, at least medal, right?

321
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,701
That's why I'm gonna go
back to college

322
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,378
and get my archaeology degree.

323
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,504
Right here, my alma mater.

324
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,711
I'm gonna finish
what I started.

325
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,217
- No.
- Yes!

326
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,049
Mom, you really gotta
take a moment

327
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,379
and think about this.

328
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,798
Hmm. I love it.

329
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,849
(CHUCKLES) Oh.

330
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,143
Okay. Oh, boy.

331
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,516
Okay, okay...

332
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:00,271
Oh, boy.

333
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,892
I overwhelmed my gal.

334
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,318
Mom came in
and overwhelmed her.

335
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:06,524
Yes, I did.

336
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,815
No, this is...
This is good news.

337
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,109
- Yeah, good news.
- Mmm-hmm.

338
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,694
Good news.

339
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,408
I'll tell you what.

340
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,239
I would hate to have
to clean all these spindles.

341
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,875
- Oh, I think you could do it.
- I know I could.

342
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,873
- (CHUCKLES)
- You doing okay?

343
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,129
- Oh, yeah, I'll be okay.
- Okay. I know.

344
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,290
Yeah, you're a tough cookie.

345
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,716
- (CHUCKLES)
- Oh.

346
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,468
Hey! Hello!

347
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,630
Look, who's here.
The gang's all here.

348
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,924
- Hi!
- Hi, Mrs. Miles!

349
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,013
Look at this.
Oh, it's a study group.

350
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,093
Study buddies already.

351
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,352
You should be
down here studying.

352
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,429
Please stop, Mom.

353
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,606
Look at you. Boy, a sight
for sore eyes, huh?

354
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,190
Hello to my fellow Tigers,
fellow students

355
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:51,073
because somebody's mom
just enrolled in college!

356
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,450
(LAUGHING)
I'm referring to myself.

357
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,110
Wait, you're going to
school here now?

358
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,746
Oh, she's thinking about it.
It's not for sure yet.

359
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:58,905
It's pretty for sure.

360
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,790
I don't think
I'm gonna change my mind,

361
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,417
and I was, you know,

362
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,745
it made me start wondering
when I was signing up today.

363
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,460
I thought, "Wasn't Amanda
talking about

364
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,382
"switching to the archaeology
department?"

365
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,215
- Was that you?
- No, no, I'm art history.

366
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,924
No. How about...
How about you?

367
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,464
Oh, no, it's not me.

368
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,849
No. I'm so sorry,
we haven't met.

369
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:18,925
I haven't had the pleasure.

370
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,310
I'm Helen. Hi!

371
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,470
Did I get lucky?

372
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,226
Are you possibly
an archaeology major?

373
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,061
There's usually two of us
in a room.

374
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,021
I'm undeclared.

375
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,527
(WHISPERS) There's still time.

376
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,649
There's still time.
Check into it.

377
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,156
Now, I couldn't
help noticing

378
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,909
that you're a little whisper
older than the other girls.

379
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,536
Are you a TA
or maybe a grad student?

380
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:39,955
No, I'm a sophomore.

381
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,786
But I started college
a little bit later

382
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,541
because I was in a coma
for eight years.

383
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,289
DEANNA: Oh, my gosh!

384
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,921
If I may, I'm just wondering,
how did it...

385
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,123
How did that happen?

386
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,836
Yes, I was skydiving.

387
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,338
(EXHALES) Boy.

388
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,669
So, one minute
you're falling out a plane

389
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:54,753
then the lights go out.

390
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,048
Next thing I know, I wake up,
I think it's the next day,

391
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,888
but I've grown four inches
and suddenly I have C cups.

392
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,552
It was eight years gone.

393
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:02,936
I also have C cups.

394
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,638
But I didn't have to
go into a coma for them.

395
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,228
Mom! I think that's your cue.

396
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,563
I think, maybe,
you've gotta hit the road.

397
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,694
- Yes, I'm sorry.
- MADDIE: Yeah.

398
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:16,074
Yes. Put a fork in me.
I'm done. So sorry.

399
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,327
I'm gonna toddle off,
on that note.

400
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:19,782
So nice meeting you.

401
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,572
So nice to meet you, Helen.

402
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,411
And, girls, what a delight
to see you again.

403
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,201
Okay, all right.

404
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,463
Well, I'll see you around
campus or on the quad.

405
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,419
- Nobody says that, Mom.
- Nobody says that?

406
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,959
Well, I'll bring it back.
See you in the quad, Tigers.

407
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,593
Bye, Mrs. Miles!

408
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,004
AMANDA: And welcome.

409
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,805
MAN: So, here's
your class schedule.

410
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,224
Wow! I am pumped!

411
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,688
- Thank you so much!
- You're so welcome.

412
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,108
- All right, take care.
- Bye now.

413
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,649
I already got senioritis.
Kidding!

414
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:58,904
(LAUGHS) Yes!

415
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,618
(SNIFFING) Oh.

416
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:08,035
Ooh! Yes!

417
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,549
(EXHALES)

418
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,632
Oh! Did you see these
in there?

419
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,137
- They're tiny footballs!
- I know. Aren't they so cute?

420
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,849
I have no idea
what I'm gonna do with them.

421
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,855
I guess I'll find tiny
football players. (LAUGHS)

422
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,225
(PANTING)

423
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,903
Let me just get my grip.

424
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,568
Ah. You're a sight
for sore eyes.

425
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,109
If you could
just maybe grab that...

426
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:43,115
I guess chivalry's dead.

427
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,872
Wearing sweatpants
in broad daylight.

428
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,874
There's another one.

429
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,627
Future Dans of America.

430
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,257
Hello?

431
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,005
Hi!

432
00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,211
Oh.

433
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:06,676
Don't turn on the lights.

434
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,728
Whoa. Oh.

435
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,814
(LAUGHS) Hi, there. Uh...

436
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,109
I'm Deanna,

437
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,988
and you must be
Lenore or is it Leonor?

438
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:24,195
Okay, well, I'm sure
we'll get into that.

439
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:27,035
Um... So we're roomies, huh?

440
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,537
Fun to be roomies.

441
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,201
Bunkmates.

442
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,498
(SIGHS) It's dark in here.
Were you asleep?

443
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,167
I don't sleep.
I'm scared of the dark.

444
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,510
Huh. Oh, boy.

445
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:41,586
I'm scared of a lot of things.

446
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:44,598
I'm scared of crowds,
books, flying,

447
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,885
- people, ants, ketchup.
- Oh.

448
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,344
Ketchup's a tough one for me.

449
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,805
I mean, I like a <i>moutarde,</i>

450
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,474
but I'm kind of a ketchup gal.

451
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,564
I like to dunk my taters.

452
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,603
Okay. I like that.

453
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:02,699
Okay, well, we are gonna
get along just great.

454
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:03,821
Oh.

455
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,194
Look at that spring back.

456
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:07,613
I'll tell you what...

457
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,157
I did not expect
that kind of resilience.

458
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,788
(LAUGHS)

459
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,497
(ALARM BEEPING)

460
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,798
- (BEEPING STOPS)
- (EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)

461
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,216
First day of school!

462
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,672
- LEONOR: Shut up!
- (WHISPERS) Sorry.

463
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,382
First day of school.

464
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:27,216
Hey, guys. Go Tigers, right?

465
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,309
Oh, man.

466
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,637
Oh! I want it. Yes!

467
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,648
I'd love a brainstorming
session, I've got one.

468
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,649
Hit it high! There we go.

469
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,522
Hey, Mondays, huh?

470
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,148
(LAUGHS)

471
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,947
Oh! This is amazing.

472
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,909
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

473
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,579
(EXHALES)

474
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,378
Okay. Let's do this.

475
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,417
Good seats. Good pick.

476
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,303
I may go a little further up
because of my progressives.

477
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,009
You want a study buddy?

478
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,220
I'll give you my landline.
Maybe we could kind of...

479
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,391
(GASPS) Oh. Oh.

480
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:11,844
- Hi!
- Hi!

481
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,770
I hate to do this.

482
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,142
God, there's always
that one, right?

483
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:17,399
It's like, "I gotta sit
in the center-center."

484
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,193
Oh, look at you.
Real big feet.

485
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,986
Oh! (LAUGHS) Sorry,

486
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,813
let me give you that back.
You got it.

487
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,107
- Hi!
- Hi.

488
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,408
Hi, there. Oh, God, I'm sorry.

489
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,410
Sorry. I apologize.

490
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:32,285
(CHUCKLES) You got hit
by school spirit.

491
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:35,576
Wow! Look at you,
all decked out.

492
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,538
Well, you know what? I am
excited to be in this class.

493
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:39,830
Now I have to say,

494
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,665
I'm surprised
to see you in here.

495
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:45,381
Well, after I met you,
I watched <i>Indiana Jones.</i>

496
00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:46,962
Oh, the best.

497
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,096
And then, scuttlebutt
on the street is...

498
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,302
What is that?

499
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:51,553
Everything's already
been dug up

500
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,101
so this is a really
easy class.

501
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:54,806
No, I gotta agree to disagree.

502
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,814
But good news, this means
we're both Jurassic junkies.

503
00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,357
(BOTH LAUGH)

504
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:01,643
Oh, look at this place.

505
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,278
Oh, you know... Oh, boy.

506
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:08,074
Excuse me, I think your bag's
got a case of the dropsies.

507
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,657
It went through
the chute there. Oh!

508
00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:14,489
Farther in than I thought.
Oh, you know what?

509
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:15,619
That tip.

510
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,830
The little tip
of that cracked right off.

511
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:18,993
But, uh, luckily for you,

512
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:21,455
I got a whole haul
of mechanical pencils,

513
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,498
so the lead keeps replenishing
as you twist.

514
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,838
You want in on this, huh?

515
00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:26,918
No.

516
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:28,462
- No?
- Thank you.

517
00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:30,596
- But I love your sweater.
- (SNORTS)

518
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:31,844
Oh!

519
00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:33,516
Thank you so much.

520
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:35,218
Yeah, I thought
it really popped.

521
00:22:35,396 --> 00:22:36,887
- Yeah, I was kidding.
- (LAUGHS)

522
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,600
It's a horrible sweater.

523
00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:41,642
It's a horrible,
super sad mom sweater.

524
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,563
Okay.

525
00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,399
I see we're still doing that.

526
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:50,950
Girls being mean
to other girls

527
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,322
for no apparent reason.

528
00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:53,532
There is a reason.

529
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:57,165
You're not a girl,
you're a thousand years old.

530
00:22:57,334 --> 00:22:59,997
You're ancient. A relic.

531
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:02,583
She's pleased with herself
over that one.

532
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:04,748
Well, guess what?
If I'm a relic

533
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:07,212
then I guess
I'm in the right class.

534
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:08,794
(LAUGHS)

535
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,880
(EXCLAIMS) Swoosh.

536
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:12,797
It's an archaeology jab.

537
00:23:12,975 --> 00:23:16,594
Hmm? Who made jam out of
that mess of berries? Me.

538
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:18,386
MR. TRUZACK:
Good afternoon, everyone.

539
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:22,308
Welcome to Archaeology 301.

540
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,609
Oh, my God.

541
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,986
I think that's Wayne Truzack.

542
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,739
He was a classmate of mine,
20 years ago.

543
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,447
First of all, I wanna tell you
that your satisfaction

544
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,653
in this class is guaranteed

545
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:37,538
or you'll get double
your mummy back.

546
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,366
(LAUGHING)

547
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:44,458
DEANNA: Mummy back.

548
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:46,756
- Oh.
- I don't get why that's funny.

549
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:49,760
It is funny
but it's also punny.

550
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:53,096
Hey, freaks, shut up!

551
00:23:53,182 --> 00:23:54,423
(MR. TRUZACK SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY)

552
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:01,638
DEANNA: (GASPS) No, no!

553
00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:03,849
No! No! No!

554
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,403
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

555
00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:11,735
No. No.

556
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,283
(DOORBELL RINGS)

557
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,243
(TAPPING) I brought snacks!

558
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:29,083
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm loving my classes.

559
00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:31,876
They're amazing.
I feel like I'm learning.

560
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:33,090
I think I felt for so long

561
00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,296
like my brain
was in a freezer,

562
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,510
and now I've really
come room temp.

563
00:24:36,684 --> 00:24:38,095
It's just great!

564
00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:39,304
Can I say something?

565
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:40,935
You could say
whatever you want, Debbie.

566
00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:42,011
You don't have to ask.

567
00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:43,896
- Thanks, Amanda.
- AMANDA: You're welcome.

568
00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:45,523
I think it's really great that

569
00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:46,690
you had something
bad happen to you,

570
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:49,102
and that you're
making lemons out of lemonade.

571
00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:53,277
I think you did kind of
flip-flop that saying.

572
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:55,362
It's supposed to be lemonade
out of lemons.

573
00:24:55,536 --> 00:24:57,243
You take something sour

574
00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:58,991
and you turn it
into something sweet.

575
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:01,577
Pretty sure it's
make lemons out of lemonade.

576
00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:02,957
It's kind of the idea that

577
00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,329
something bad
happened to you,

578
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,994
like your husband
leaving you,

579
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,254
and squashing you
to make lemonade.

580
00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:10,666
Then pulling yourself
back together again

581
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:12,216
and now you're a whole lemon.

582
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,629
Ha! That was
a very visual, uh, story.

583
00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:17,798
Very painful visual,

584
00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:20,058
but then the whole lemon
really does

585
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,557
bring it back around
to the flip side,

586
00:25:22,730 --> 00:25:23,971
so thank you for that.

587
00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:27,607
I appreciate the sentiment
and I appreciate these cheeks.

588
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,392
- Oh, my God! I can't let go!
- (LAUGHING)

589
00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:32,524
Deanna, you wanna stick around
and hang out?

590
00:25:32,698 --> 00:25:36,112
Oh, I would love to hang.
Oh, my first college hang.

591
00:25:36,285 --> 00:25:39,153
I mean, I am free as a bird.
I'm down to clown.

592
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:43,039
Deanna's such a mouthful.
What if I called you Dee Dee?

593
00:25:43,459 --> 00:25:45,246
I have always wanted
a nickname.

594
00:25:45,419 --> 00:25:47,536
What about Dee Rock
or Dee Train?

595
00:25:47,713 --> 00:25:48,954
Or Glenn?

596
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:50,588
Why would we call her Glenn?

597
00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:53,250
Oh, just because
I love Glenn Close,

598
00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:54,629
and I was thinking about her.

599
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,045
- I love Glenn Close.
- You do?

600
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:58,838
<i>Fatal Attraction,</i>
best movie ever.

601
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:00,052
Is that the one
where she boiled a rabbit?

602
00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:01,215
DEANNA: It is.

603
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,051
I think I showed that
to Maddie

604
00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:04,431
a little too early on

605
00:26:04,605 --> 00:26:06,813
because she urinated
in her underpants.

606
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:08,018
Mom!

607
00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:10,145
And would not eat anything

608
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,272
out of a stew pot
for a good 6 to 8 months.

609
00:26:12,446 --> 00:26:13,903
Or she would just keep

610
00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:16,447
re-urinating
in her underpants.

611
00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:17,653
Mom, stop!

612
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:18,816
- Let's watch it.
- DEANNA: Can we?

613
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:20,405
Let's rent it. Movie night.

614
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:23,242
Yeah, you know,
I love a good movie night,

615
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:27,250
but I think my mom does not
want to hang out here.

616
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:28,705
She's just stopping by.

617
00:26:28,879 --> 00:26:31,212
She's not gonna hang out
with her daughter's friends.

618
00:26:31,381 --> 00:26:34,249
That would be so weird.
That would be weird.

619
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:38,719
Maddie's right.
I can't hang out right now.

620
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:39,970
I've gotta get home

621
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:42,549
and get in some good hang time
with my new roomie.

622
00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:44,058
- What's her name?
- You know what?

623
00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:45,760
It's Leonor or Lenore.

624
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:47,054
I'm not really sure.

625
00:26:47,231 --> 00:26:50,144
We're just kind of getting
used to each other, I'm sure.

626
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,980
She kind of mutters around
the room talking to herself.

627
00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:56,521
I just kind of get a Voldemort
vibe from her

628
00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:58,610
but I will take a rain check

629
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,657
on the movie if that...
Or not.

630
00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:02,740
- Rain check.
- Okay. Rain check.

631
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:03,866
Oh!

632
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,163
Okay, I'll make the popcorn.

633
00:27:05,249 --> 00:27:07,707
- I got a sweet and savory one.
- MADDIE: Great!

634
00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:08,866
- Bye.
- Bye, Mom.

635
00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,452
- HELEN: Bye, Dee Rock.
- She's amazing.

636
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,791
Yeah, that was really...
That was very nice of her

637
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:14,588
to bring food for you guys.

638
00:27:14,758 --> 00:27:16,624
- I love your mom.
- (DOOR OPENS)

639
00:27:16,802 --> 00:27:17,918
Last thing...

640
00:27:18,095 --> 00:27:20,007
Thunder dunder
clouds up ahead

641
00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:22,923
and I just said rain check.
It's like I conjured it.

642
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:24,636
- Oh, great.
- Okay.

643
00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:26,592
Bye-bye. Oh, last hug.

644
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:27,806
- Okay.
- MADDIE: I love you.

645
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:31,394
Look at her dancing me out.
We're like Fred and... Okay.

646
00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:34,400
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

647
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:39,655
- You're a bookworm, huh?
- (GASPS)

648
00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:44,073
Oh, my God.
How long have you been there?

649
00:27:44,246 --> 00:27:45,657
Six minutes.

650
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:48,323
(CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)

651
00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:52,202
You're a quiet one. (CHUCKLES)

652
00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:53,961
You get good grades, huh?

653
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:55,584
Oh, uh...

654
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:59,384
I try. I really enjoy
the subject matter

655
00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:01,465
and, I don't know,
I just find archaeology

656
00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:02,716
a constant wonder.

657
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:05,849
You like to dig up stuff?
I like to bury stuff.

658
00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:07,475
Okay.

659
00:28:07,728 --> 00:28:10,186
Look at us!
Kind of yin and yang,

660
00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:13,268
having our first
conversation, huh?

661
00:28:13,442 --> 00:28:14,683
Fun. I...

662
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,271
Listen, while we're gabbing,

663
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:19,024
I was just, um,
kind of wondering...

664
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:21,565
You know,
it's been a few weeks, uh,

665
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,529
thinking, "I wonder
if she's ever gonna

666
00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:25,736
"go outside the room?"

667
00:28:25,913 --> 00:28:28,030
Maybe for class

668
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:30,581
or, you know,
a coven meeting. (LAUGHS)

669
00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:31,828
I'm kidding.

670
00:28:32,002 --> 00:28:33,959
I've gone on the other side
of that door.

671
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,290
Oh, yeah...

672
00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:38,081
I find you behind that door
all the time,

673
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:40,375
but that's inside my closet.

674
00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:42,714
So, I was just wondering,

675
00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:46,256
are you ever gonna go out
maybe that door

676
00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:47,844
into the, let's say hallway.

677
00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:50,344
I'll probably
stick to that door.

678
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,512
- You wanna stick to my closet?
- Yeah.

679
00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:54,017
Okay.

680
00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:56,189
I like you.

681
00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,442
Oh. (CLEARS THROAT)

682
00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:00,945
We're friends.

683
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:02,355
I certainly hope so.

684
00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:04,236
I'm gonna go back to my room.

685
00:29:05,911 --> 00:29:07,118
Okay.

686
00:29:13,961 --> 00:29:16,544
Mmm. Wow! That smells great.
What is that?

687
00:29:16,713 --> 00:29:19,376
Yes, it's
<i>Fiori Antichi Della Novella.</i>

688
00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:21,461
Remember? We got it <i>a Firenze.</i>

689
00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:23,338
- (SNIFFS) Mmm.
- (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

690
00:29:23,428 --> 00:29:25,135
- It turns me on.
- Yeah.

691
00:29:25,973 --> 00:29:29,057
(SNIFFS) Mmm!

692
00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,383
Mmm.

693
00:29:30,477 --> 00:29:32,139
CHRISTINE: What is
that smell? Hmm?

694
00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:35,642
It's probably garlic and Dial.

695
00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:38,229
- And a little mayo.
- Hmm.

696
00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:39,729
I had an Italian sandwich.

697
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:41,269
They're lovers.

698
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:43,062
No, they're not.
They're jealous.

699
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,277
No, we're best friends.

700
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:46,531
Yes.

701
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:48,154
I can't believe
you brought her.

702
00:29:48,328 --> 00:29:50,320
I can't believe
you brought Christine.

703
00:29:50,497 --> 00:29:52,910
I can't believe you shacked up
with a bitch!

704
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:54,290
MARCIE: Hey. Hey.

705
00:29:54,376 --> 00:29:57,289
All right, that is not
gonna be useful today.

706
00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:59,704
This bitch has
a lot of reason to be here.

707
00:29:59,881 --> 00:30:02,919
I am an excellent negotiator.
I am a realtor.

708
00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:05,801
Yes. Not only do you destroy
homes, you also sell them.

709
00:30:05,971 --> 00:30:08,258
- Come full circle.
- (GASPS) Oh, good burn!

710
00:30:08,432 --> 00:30:10,640
- DAN: Okay.
- Hello, all.

711
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:11,845
As you know,

712
00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:14,056
this mediation is here
to help facilitate

713
00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:15,478
the terms of your divorce,
all right?

714
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,229
So just so you know,

715
00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:18,898
this is not a court of law,
all right?

716
00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:20,683
You will all be civilized

717
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:23,064
and you will please address
all speech to me.

718
00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:24,228
- You betcha.
- To you.

719
00:30:24,323 --> 00:30:25,313
DAN AND MARCIE: To you.
MEDIATOR: Yes, to me.

720
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:26,397
No crosstalk.

721
00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:27,823
So even if we wanna talk
to one another, we can't.

722
00:30:27,993 --> 00:30:30,155
I mean, if I wanted
to say, "Dina..."

723
00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:32,446
- You'd look at me.
- I'd look at you, I'd say...

724
00:30:32,622 --> 00:30:34,614
"Dina, I am going to have

725
00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:35,869
"a beautiful life
with your husband...

726
00:30:36,043 --> 00:30:37,124
"Dina."

727
00:30:37,294 --> 00:30:40,002
And if I were to say,
"Marky..."

728
00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:41,162
Marcie.

729
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:43,543
"You're gonna be
very disappointed in bed

730
00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:46,175
"because Dan's downstairs
is not gonna do the trick."

731
00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:48,002
(LAUGHING)

732
00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:49,212
I don't know
why you're laughing.

733
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:51,013
Frank's not that great
downstairs, either.

734
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:52,219
MEDIATOR: To me.

735
00:30:52,309 --> 00:30:53,299
We play tennis together

736
00:30:53,393 --> 00:30:54,509
and Frank is no big deal
down there.

737
00:30:54,686 --> 00:30:55,927
He's right. Frank is not.

738
00:30:56,104 --> 00:30:57,561
DEANNA: I have
a question, Dan.

739
00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:59,643
Why is it that
you're playing tennis

740
00:30:59,733 --> 00:31:01,315
with Frank pantsless?

741
00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:03,147
This is not helping
our process.

742
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,357
- Thank you.
- Okay. Can we proceed?

743
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:09,149
She's not signing anything,
Your Honor, if I may.

744
00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:10,407
Okay, I'm not a judge.

745
00:31:10,494 --> 00:31:11,985
Remember, I said
this isn't a court of law.

746
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:14,578
My name is
Christine Davenport,

747
00:31:14,748 --> 00:31:16,580
good friend to Deanna,

748
00:31:16,750 --> 00:31:19,037
and I am here as a support,

749
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:22,170
and also I have been studying
lots of documents

750
00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:24,956
on legalzoom.com.

751
00:31:25,133 --> 00:31:26,624
DEANNA: Thank you.
Thank you for that.

752
00:31:26,802 --> 00:31:27,883
But I just want
to get this over with.

753
00:31:27,969 --> 00:31:29,085
MARCIE: Wow! Terrifying.

754
00:31:29,262 --> 00:31:30,969
I want it on the record

755
00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:34,974
that the accused are currently
in the process

756
00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:37,556
of selling my client's home,

757
00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:40,187
and not splitting
the proceeds.

758
00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:44,442
Because the house
was 100% in Daniel's name.

759
00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:45,609
- So...
- DAN: Okay...

760
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:48,529
That was our house, Dan.
You know that was our house.

761
00:31:48,782 --> 00:31:51,149
I understand,
but we're gonna settle this,

762
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:52,612
and that's why
we're here, okay?

763
00:31:52,786 --> 00:31:53,776
- Daniel...
- Don't interject.

764
00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:55,406
Just don't be a weenie.

765
00:31:55,497 --> 00:31:57,864
I'm not being a weenie.
I'm not being a weenie.

766
00:31:58,041 --> 00:32:00,624
Well, that's debatable.
This is not...

767
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,121
This is not helping
our process.

768
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:05,914
There is no probable clause
to implicate this witness.

769
00:32:06,091 --> 00:32:07,707
I move to dismiss.

770
00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:09,591
DAN: I just want to say
for the record...

771
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:12,048
I just needed an upgrade
in my life, Deanna.

772
00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:14,472
- You son of a...
- MEDIATOR: To me, please.

773
00:32:14,641 --> 00:32:16,724
I'm sorry.
You son of a bitch.

774
00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:18,350
No, you're the son of a bitch.

775
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:19,636
You're the son of a bitch.

776
00:32:19,813 --> 00:32:20,803
DAN:
You're the son of a bitch.

777
00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:22,017
I object!

778
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,682
I object. I'm not even
a judge. Okay.

779
00:32:25,152 --> 00:32:26,359
I'm just gonna, uh...

780
00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:28,903
I'm just gonna take a break.
Gotta strategize.

781
00:32:29,072 --> 00:32:30,358
MARCIE: Are you coming back?

782
00:32:30,532 --> 00:32:33,650
I refuse to disclose
information about my client.

783
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:34,824
(DOOR CLOSES)

784
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,578
Case adjourned.

785
00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:39,909
Deanna!

786
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,200
We know what room she's in.
We don't need to yell.

787
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:44,619
HELEN: I like to yell!
DEBBIE: Let her yell.

788
00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:46,913
MADDIE: Guys, why are we going
to see my mom right now?

789
00:32:47,090 --> 00:32:48,080
DEBBIE: Because we haven't
seen her

790
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:49,586
all week and we miss her.

791
00:32:55,056 --> 00:32:56,547
Hey, Mom. What's up?

792
00:32:56,725 --> 00:32:59,684
Hey, hey, what are you guys
doing in here?

793
00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:01,640
- What's wrong?
- (DEANNA SIGHS)

794
00:33:03,023 --> 00:33:05,310
We filed
our paperwork today,

795
00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:09,524
so your dad and I are
officially getting divorced.

796
00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:11,820
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.

797
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,777
I'm sorry.
I don't even like talking

798
00:33:13,867 --> 00:33:15,108
to you about this stuff.

799
00:33:15,285 --> 00:33:16,867
No, don't worry at all.

800
00:33:17,037 --> 00:33:18,824
I just know
he's gonna fight me

801
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:19,950
on like every little thing,

802
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:22,285
so it's just
a little frustrating is all.

803
00:33:22,459 --> 00:33:23,745
That looks really good.

804
00:33:23,919 --> 00:33:25,535
Yeah, it used to be
in a can.

805
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:26,998
Can I say something?

806
00:33:27,172 --> 00:33:28,538
- Just say it, Debbie.
- You can just say it.

807
00:33:28,715 --> 00:33:29,751
Yes, honey.

808
00:33:30,258 --> 00:33:33,251
We need to get you
jackhammer blasted.

809
00:33:33,762 --> 00:33:35,128
I just am not really
in the mood

810
00:33:35,222 --> 00:33:37,259
to kind of, you know,
hang out.

811
00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:38,798
And I don't want
to impose. So...

812
00:33:38,975 --> 00:33:40,386
Come on!

813
00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:42,726
You're not imposing, Mom.

814
00:33:42,896 --> 00:33:44,979
- I am imposing.
- No, you're not.

815
00:33:45,148 --> 00:33:46,639
You're not imposing.

816
00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:49,559
You just got some really rough
news and to be honest,

817
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:52,194
we both got really rough news.

818
00:33:52,364 --> 00:33:53,525
But, you're in college now.

819
00:33:53,615 --> 00:33:55,277
You gotta learn
how to party through it.

820
00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:56,782
All right, girl. I'm gonna...

821
00:33:56,952 --> 00:33:58,909
I'm gonna go to a party
with my mom. Let's do it.

822
00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:00,490
- (GIRLS GIGGLING)
- I'm gonna be that girl!

823
00:34:00,664 --> 00:34:02,906
(SINGING) <i>Come on. I wanna
party with my mama</i>

824
00:34:03,083 --> 00:34:05,291
(ALL SINGING) <i>We all wanna
party with your mama</i>

825
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,123
<i>Party with your mama
Party with your mama</i>

826
00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:09,579
(ALL CHEERING)

827
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,960
All right. I'm down to clown.

828
00:34:12,133 --> 00:34:13,374
Dee Rock's down to clown!

829
00:34:13,552 --> 00:34:15,464
I am also down to clown. I'm
always down to clown, really.

830
00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:17,549
Really. It's just something
that I do all the time.

831
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:19,054
I like your vibe.

832
00:34:19,224 --> 00:34:20,931
Why?

833
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,891
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

834
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,895
- Oh. It's pretty lively.
- Yeah, it's a party, Mom.

835
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,022
DEANNA: Well, it's also
a school night.

836
00:34:29,693 --> 00:34:31,525
Dee, I think those guys
just checked you out.

837
00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:33,061
DEANNA: No, they weren't.
AMANDA: Yes, they were.

838
00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:34,945
They're probably just
looking at my smock.

839
00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:36,897
It tends to catch
the light. (GASPS)

840
00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:39,116
Oh, they're so young.

841
00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,281
You know, I think
I'm too old to be here.

842
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:43,203
- No, you're fine.
- Come on! It'll be so fun.

843
00:34:43,373 --> 00:34:45,911
Let's rock out
with our lady dongs out.

844
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,620
AMANDA: That...
That's not a thing.

845
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:49,497
(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

846
00:34:49,588 --> 00:34:50,999
BOYS: Shots! Shots! Shots!

847
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:54,210
TYLER: What do we want?
ALL: Full velocity!

848
00:34:54,301 --> 00:34:55,633
(ALL WHOOP)

849
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:56,835
Oh!

850
00:34:56,928 --> 00:34:58,089
It's so loud in here.

851
00:34:58,179 --> 00:35:00,387
I can barely
hear myself think.

852
00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:03,425
MADDIE: Hey!

853
00:35:03,602 --> 00:35:05,184
DEANNA: Oh,
there's your boyfriend.

854
00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:06,260
Doesn't he look sharp?

855
00:35:06,438 --> 00:35:08,270
- Yeah, let's go get a drink.
- Oh, stairs!

856
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:09,556
Yep.

857
00:35:09,733 --> 00:35:12,521
I just wish you would have
let me bring a covered dish.

858
00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:14,060
That would have been so weird.

859
00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:15,144
No, it's weird
to not bring something.

860
00:35:15,322 --> 00:35:16,733
- No, it's not.
- Hell no.

861
00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:17,984
Hell no.

862
00:35:18,158 --> 00:35:21,242
Maddie, you're not bringing
old people to this party.

863
00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:22,447
Absolutely not.

864
00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:23,953
No moms allowed.

865
00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:25,784
Um, I will break your face.

866
00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:27,573
No one will recognize you.

867
00:35:27,751 --> 00:35:29,037
You'll die in a ditch.

868
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:30,451
Okay, okay, okay.

869
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:32,291
Okay, my mom needs a drink.

870
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:35,798
So back up
before I back you up!

871
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:38,918
(EXCLAIMS AND LAUGHS)

872
00:35:39,012 --> 00:35:41,755
I'm so proud of you
for owning your power.

873
00:35:41,931 --> 00:35:43,388
Don't escalate it.

874
00:35:43,558 --> 00:35:45,470
But wow! Impressive.

875
00:35:45,810 --> 00:35:47,847
God, I don't know
what's sadder.

876
00:35:48,021 --> 00:35:49,432
The mom perm

877
00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:51,438
or the mom boobs.

878
00:35:51,941 --> 00:35:55,309
Mom perm! Time-out, guys.

879
00:35:55,487 --> 00:35:56,568
God-given curls.

880
00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:59,401
All I'm doing is a little,
maybe a foam mousse,

881
00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,156
a little spray, hot roller,

882
00:36:01,326 --> 00:36:03,318
and I set it, and I forget it.

883
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:04,656
And secondly,

884
00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:07,913
these allowed this one
to suckle at these teats

885
00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:10,291
for 28 wonderful, wonderful

886
00:36:10,460 --> 00:36:12,076
tender months.

887
00:36:12,253 --> 00:36:14,210
I wear them
around my waist proudly.

888
00:36:14,381 --> 00:36:15,872
MADDIE: This isn't the time.

889
00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:20,084
I just feel like I don't know
if it's more pathetic

890
00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:22,048
to party with your mom,

891
00:36:22,222 --> 00:36:24,464
or to party
with your daughter.

892
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:28,141
(SCOFFS) Come on.
Let's do something cool.

893
00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:30,894
Real cool. Bye, nerds.

894
00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:39,524
Okay, this was lot of fun.

895
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,236
Um, but I want you to enjoy
yourselves tonight,

896
00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:43,741
so I'm just gonna go.

897
00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:45,071
- GIRLS: No! Come on!
- No!

898
00:36:45,245 --> 00:36:46,736
- You can't leave!
- We're gonna have a good time.

899
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:50,497
I should not be here.
This is not a party for me.

900
00:36:50,667 --> 00:36:52,408
If you go, evil wins!

901
00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:53,871
MADDIE: Okay, you know what?

902
00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:56,332
I have an idea.
Let's go to the bathroom.

903
00:36:56,506 --> 00:36:58,589
- Oh, I don't have to tinkle.
- I think you do.

904
00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:01,250
I think I'd know
if I had to tinkle.

905
00:37:01,344 --> 00:37:02,460
Except that one time.

906
00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:05,129
All right. Let's go.

907
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:07,172
DEANNA: Please tell me
you're not doing the cocaine.

908
00:37:07,350 --> 00:37:08,932
MADDIE: Oh, my God! No!
Come on.

909
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:11,223
- No, I already told you.
- Get in there.

910
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:13,479
I do not have to go
to the bathroom.

911
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:15,640
Mom, you're a college girl now

912
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:17,191
and we gotta make
some changes.

913
00:37:18,153 --> 00:37:19,439
- What does that mean?
- Let's start

914
00:37:19,612 --> 00:37:21,274
- with these glasses.
- (GASPS) No!

915
00:37:21,448 --> 00:37:22,984
You gotta start wearing
contact lenses.

916
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:25,194
This is horrible!

917
00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:26,950
And then this, this is just...

918
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,361
Let's get this off.

919
00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:29,949
- Come on, Mom.
- No! Oh, my God!

920
00:37:30,123 --> 00:37:31,364
What has gotten into you?

921
00:37:31,541 --> 00:37:32,952
- Don't fight it, Mom!
- Oh!

922
00:37:33,126 --> 00:37:35,038
It's like a Band-Aid.
You gotta rip it off quickly.

923
00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:37,077
All I have on
is my undershirt.

924
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,291
Yeah!

925
00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:40,756
I'm gonna unbutton.

926
00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:42,712
Not one, not two,

927
00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:44,418
but three.

928
00:37:44,596 --> 00:37:46,462
Not three buttons, no!

929
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:48,050
Look at your breasts!

930
00:37:48,224 --> 00:37:49,260
- Mom!
- What?

931
00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:50,636
I don't know what's happening.

932
00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:51,846
Those are gorgeous!

933
00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:53,352
Well, they're all right.

934
00:37:53,688 --> 00:37:55,224
Maybe how about we just do
something about that hair,

935
00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:56,855
just a little bit?

936
00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:59,859
No! Oh, God,
it's full of hair.

937
00:38:00,028 --> 00:38:02,190
Come on, it'll be fine.
Let me have it.

938
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,525
No! Oh, God, don't! No!

939
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:05,815
Hey, what's up?

940
00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:07,783
You're that girl
in the coma, right?

941
00:38:07,952 --> 00:38:09,193
Not anymore.

942
00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:10,611
Yeah, I follow you on Twitter.

943
00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,280
I don't date fans.

944
00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:14,908
Okay.

945
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:17,493
MADDIE: So beautiful.

946
00:38:18,338 --> 00:38:19,704
Oh, God.
Now I've got a bare...

947
00:38:19,881 --> 00:38:21,964
You know what I can't wear
is a bare lip.

948
00:38:23,510 --> 00:38:24,671
What is that?

949
00:38:24,844 --> 00:38:26,130
It's mauve.

950
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,049
DEANNA: Hmm.

951
00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:30,381
- You know I love mauve.
- (LAUGHS)

952
00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:35,261
No, I'm not a fan. I just...

953
00:38:35,438 --> 00:38:37,100
I got a lot of respect
for comas.

954
00:38:37,690 --> 00:38:39,852
I like sleeping pretty long,
too, I guess.

955
00:38:42,362 --> 00:38:43,603
Whoa.

956
00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:45,562
Oh, God!
Are you in a coma again?

957
00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:47,732
Oh, God, I gotta...
I gotta get help.

958
00:38:50,745 --> 00:38:52,077
DEANNA: Can I look?
Can I look now?

959
00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:53,909
Yes! I think you're done.

960
00:38:56,835 --> 00:38:58,872
Mmm. Oh!

961
00:38:58,962 --> 00:39:00,828
Hey! Wow!

962
00:39:01,923 --> 00:39:04,336
My God! What are you, 20?

963
00:39:04,926 --> 00:39:07,259
- Okay. I wouldn't go that far.
- I'm 21.

964
00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:08,589
- Okay.
- (SIGHS)

965
00:39:08,763 --> 00:39:10,880
You know, I used to
wear my hair like this.

966
00:39:11,057 --> 00:39:12,264
Eons ago,

967
00:39:12,976 --> 00:39:15,514
when you were
in here. (LAUGHS)

968
00:39:15,603 --> 00:39:17,344
You look so beautiful, Mom.

969
00:39:18,064 --> 00:39:19,396
Wow!

970
00:39:19,566 --> 00:39:21,899
You know what? Okay.

971
00:39:22,068 --> 00:39:23,775
I think you're ready,
college girl.

972
00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:26,228
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I think let's go.

973
00:39:26,406 --> 00:39:27,613
But let's leave
this because...

974
00:39:27,782 --> 00:39:30,365
Let's never touch or talk
about that brush again.

975
00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:31,571
Okay.

976
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:33,865
- Thank you.
- Of course. I love you.

977
00:39:34,038 --> 00:39:35,370
I love you, too.

978
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,038
TYLER: Boom.

979
00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:39,408
(DEANNA AND MADDIE
CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

980
00:39:39,502 --> 00:39:40,709
- Hey.
- Hey!

981
00:39:42,922 --> 00:39:44,333
Aw. Get a room!

982
00:39:44,507 --> 00:39:47,750
Just kidding, don't.
LOL. Hashtag. (LAUGHS)

983
00:39:49,095 --> 00:39:50,882
- TYLER: Hey, Miss Miles.
- Hi, how are you?

984
00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:52,637
Good. You guys
both look amazing!

985
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,639
- Thank you.
- Oh, charmer.

986
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:56,141
I heard you're back
at school now,

987
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:57,718
- which is awesome.
- It is.

988
00:39:57,896 --> 00:39:58,977
You get to party
with all of us.

989
00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:00,144
Uh, well...

990
00:40:00,690 --> 00:40:01,771
How about a drink
or something?

991
00:40:01,858 --> 00:40:03,815
Let me introduce you
to my friend Jack.

992
00:40:03,985 --> 00:40:05,351
Hi, I'm Jack.

993
00:40:05,904 --> 00:40:07,190
Deanna. Hi.

994
00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:09,446
Wow...

995
00:40:09,616 --> 00:40:12,450
You have wonderfully
intricate hair.

996
00:40:13,703 --> 00:40:15,444
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

997
00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:18,114
Can I get you, uh,
something to drink?

998
00:40:18,207 --> 00:40:19,743
Oh, um... Okay.

999
00:40:19,834 --> 00:40:23,077
I would love a chardonnay,
maybe something oaky.

1000
00:40:23,963 --> 00:40:25,170
Um...

1001
00:40:26,549 --> 00:40:28,006
Did you pick up
the chardonnay?

1002
00:40:28,176 --> 00:40:30,418
(STAMMERS)
We have some boxed wine.

1003
00:40:30,595 --> 00:40:32,427
We have some boxed wine.

1004
00:40:32,597 --> 00:40:34,259
- In a box?
- I don't know,

1005
00:40:34,349 --> 00:40:35,840
I'm sure it tastes
real cardboardy.

1006
00:40:36,017 --> 00:40:38,304
(LAUGHS) I'm sure it tastes
very cardboardy.

1007
00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:40,720
Well, really, it comes
in a plastic bladder

1008
00:40:40,813 --> 00:40:42,270
so it's not touching
the cardboard.

1009
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,056
Yeah, I told him we should not

1010
00:40:44,150 --> 00:40:45,266
get anything
that comes in a bladder.

1011
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,230
I'm the only one
who likes wine.

1012
00:40:47,403 --> 00:40:48,610
DEANNA: Oh, I love wine.

1013
00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:51,113
But, I don't like drinking it
out of bladders.

1014
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:53,156
- I don't blame you.
- (ALL LAUGH)

1015
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:55,700
She'll just have a shot
and a beer, please. Thank you.

1016
00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:56,906
- Perfect.
- There we go.

1017
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:58,070
DEANNA: Why not?

1018
00:40:58,247 --> 00:41:01,331
I'm here to get the full
college experience.

1019
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,284
So, what is
the spirit du jour?

1020
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:07,079
This is 100% agave tequila.

1021
00:41:07,256 --> 00:41:10,670
Agave! I use that
when I bake muffins.

1022
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:11,924
- Okay.
- MADDIE: She loves to bake.

1023
00:41:12,095 --> 00:41:13,085
I do.

1024
00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:14,386
TYLER: All right, let's do it.

1025
00:41:14,931 --> 00:41:16,172
What do we want?

1026
00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:18,341
ALL: Full velocity!

1027
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,931
And equal work for equal pay.

1028
00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:25,602
Oh, God. (COUGHS)

1029
00:41:25,692 --> 00:41:26,728
Oh, God.

1030
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:28,233
DEANNA: (COUGHING)
That is aggressive.

1031
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:30,857
(EXHALES) That's just burning.

1032
00:41:31,030 --> 00:41:33,397
It's burning all the way down.

1033
00:41:33,574 --> 00:41:35,861
Let's just follow my lead
and we'll do this again, okay?

1034
00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:37,192
We'll try it again.

1035
00:41:37,286 --> 00:41:39,824
(DEANNA CHUCKLES HESITANTLY)

1036
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:41,951
All right. What do we want?

1037
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:44,333
ALL: Full velocity!

1038
00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:45,583
DEANNA: Oh,
and cleaner oceans.

1039
00:41:45,753 --> 00:41:49,417
Our coral reefs
are dying, guys.

1040
00:41:50,091 --> 00:41:52,708
No. Uh... Miss Miles...

1041
00:41:52,802 --> 00:41:54,009
(GROANS)

1042
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,295
(GASPS)

1043
00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:59,553
Look, Miss Miles, uh,
coral reefs

1044
00:41:59,726 --> 00:42:01,809
and equal work for equal pay,
all great things.

1045
00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:03,344
But at our parties,

1046
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:06,229
when somebody says,
"What do we want,"

1047
00:42:06,399 --> 00:42:08,391
we just say, "Full velocity."

1048
00:42:08,484 --> 00:42:10,225
You don't need
to say anything else.

1049
00:42:10,403 --> 00:42:11,814
It's more
of a party tradition.

1050
00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:15,527
Oh, okay. So, it's just
a flat answer of full...

1051
00:42:16,451 --> 00:42:18,443
ALL: Velocity.
DEANNA: Velocity.

1052
00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:20,576
- Okay.
- You ready?

1053
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:22,530
Well...

1054
00:42:22,623 --> 00:42:24,205
TYLER: Third time's
the charm, right?

1055
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:25,536
What do we want?

1056
00:42:25,710 --> 00:42:27,793
ALL: Full velocity!

1057
00:42:27,962 --> 00:42:29,328
And full maternity leave

1058
00:42:29,422 --> 00:42:32,790
for non-gender specific
working parents.

1059
00:42:34,761 --> 00:42:36,718
And full velocity!

1060
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,636
(ALL CHEERING)

1061
00:42:40,308 --> 00:42:41,719
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

1062
00:42:49,776 --> 00:42:50,983
Where's my mom?

1063
00:42:51,486 --> 00:42:53,648
Oh, she's over there
busting it out.

1064
00:42:56,908 --> 00:42:57,944
Hi, honey!

1065
00:42:58,451 --> 00:42:59,862
Hi!

1066
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:01,572
Oh!

1067
00:43:01,662 --> 00:43:03,949
I feel that
in my C-section scar!

1068
00:43:04,707 --> 00:43:06,790
- Are you okay?
- Ooh, yeah.

1069
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,792
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

1070
00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:23,424
It's not over.
It's full velocity!

1071
00:43:23,518 --> 00:43:25,180
Let's go! Come on, guys!

1072
00:43:38,032 --> 00:43:39,273
(GASPING)

1073
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:40,574
Oh, my God!

1074
00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,443
Oh, my God! Mom!

1075
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,412
Okay. Okay. Okay.

1076
00:43:45,498 --> 00:43:46,784
You don't have
to make a big deal.

1077
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:47,994
Don't jump to conclusions.

1078
00:43:48,084 --> 00:43:49,370
You don't know
what's happening here.

1079
00:43:49,544 --> 00:43:50,660
Really?
Because it looks like

1080
00:43:50,837 --> 00:43:53,420
my mother is doing the walk
of shame out of a frat house.

1081
00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:56,294
Well, okay,
I guess technically

1082
00:43:56,384 --> 00:43:58,250
that's what's happening.
Let's just go.

1083
00:43:58,427 --> 00:44:00,339
Let's get out of here.
Oh, my God!

1084
00:44:01,264 --> 00:44:02,721
I don't think
you've gotta rub it in...

1085
00:44:02,807 --> 00:44:05,595
Oh! Fella, close your robe.

1086
00:44:05,768 --> 00:44:07,976
Okay, can we please
just get out of here?

1087
00:44:08,146 --> 00:44:09,478
Aren't they gonna
serve breakfast?

1088
00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:11,104
No, they're not gonna
serve breakfast.

1089
00:44:11,190 --> 00:44:12,476
This isn't the Hilton.

1090
00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:14,232
DEANNA: I knew that.
But I thought maybe

1091
00:44:14,318 --> 00:44:15,729
they'll have a bagel spread
or something.

1092
00:44:15,903 --> 00:44:17,189
MADDIE: My God!

1093
00:44:17,613 --> 00:44:18,979
DEANNA: Oh, my God!

1094
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:21,865
My foot keeps
charley horsing...

1095
00:44:22,034 --> 00:44:24,276
I can't even
get my boots back on.

1096
00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:25,489
I guess that's what I get

1097
00:44:25,580 --> 00:44:27,412
for getting my toes
curled last night.

1098
00:44:27,582 --> 00:44:29,414
- Ugh.
- And I mean curled.

1099
00:44:29,584 --> 00:44:31,041
- (CHUCKLES)
- Mom, please stop!

1100
00:44:31,210 --> 00:44:34,578
DEANNA: I think it was
mutually enjoyable

1101
00:44:34,755 --> 00:44:37,543
for both parties.
I mean, I had fun.

1102
00:44:37,717 --> 00:44:39,834
He enjoyed himself.
He kept yelling,

1103
00:44:40,011 --> 00:44:41,001
"Please, more!"

1104
00:44:41,179 --> 00:44:42,966
I thought he was doing a scene
from <i>Oliver!</i>

1105
00:44:43,139 --> 00:44:44,550
"Please, more."

1106
00:44:44,724 --> 00:44:47,216
Wait. I heard that
through the wall,

1107
00:44:47,393 --> 00:44:49,259
and I thought he was
saying, "cheese store"

1108
00:44:49,437 --> 00:44:50,894
and I was very confused.

1109
00:44:51,063 --> 00:44:52,520
One time we were playing

1110
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:54,147
kind of a cheesemonger

1111
00:44:54,233 --> 00:44:55,940
and I was
a poor peasant girl...

1112
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:57,567
MADDIE:
That's disgusting, Mom.

1113
00:44:57,737 --> 00:44:59,854
- No! It was fun.
- Mom!

1114
00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:01,021
And I love cheese.

1115
00:45:01,199 --> 00:45:02,815
I love you so much.

1116
00:45:02,992 --> 00:45:04,779
Have I asked you once
about any of this?

1117
00:45:04,952 --> 00:45:06,284
No. You just keep blabbing.

1118
00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:09,663
I'm asking you to please
be quiet and stop talking.

1119
00:45:09,832 --> 00:45:13,416
Okay. I think we should keep
communication lines open.

1120
00:45:13,586 --> 00:45:15,999
You know what?
I'm older, I'm wiser.

1121
00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:18,998
This, essentially a Google.

1122
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:23,006
Right down here,
where you came from.

1123
00:45:23,179 --> 00:45:25,136
I'm like
the Google of vaginas.

1124
00:45:25,306 --> 00:45:27,263
It's, "Ask me anything,
please."

1125
00:45:27,433 --> 00:45:28,640
Turn off your vagoogle.

1126
00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:30,141
It can't be turned off.

1127
00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:32,303
Okay, I don't like it.
You're scaring me,

1128
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,688
and you're scaring
everyone around you.

1129
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:38,275
I think... I think my vagoogle
scared Jack last night.

1130
00:45:38,444 --> 00:45:40,731
- Oh, my God!
- But in a good way.

1131
00:45:40,905 --> 00:45:43,488
Like when you intentionally
go through a haunted house.

1132
00:45:43,574 --> 00:45:44,610
Ew!

1133
00:45:45,117 --> 00:45:46,278
Not saying...

1134
00:45:47,411 --> 00:45:48,572
You know what I mean.

1135
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:51,409
Please, I just don't wanna
talk about your vagoogle.

1136
00:45:57,964 --> 00:45:59,546
MR. TRUZACK:
(SIGHS) All right.

1137
00:45:59,715 --> 00:46:03,004
I've got a little pop quiz
for you here.

1138
00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:05,214
But don't worry
I promise to grade it

1139
00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:06,761
pharaoh and squaraoh.

1140
00:46:06,847 --> 00:46:08,088
(CHUCKLES)

1141
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:12,801
Hey, I, uh,
I've got to tell you,

1142
00:46:12,979 --> 00:46:16,563
your work so far
is impeccable.

1143
00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:18,644
This department is lucky
to have you back.

1144
00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:21,481
Oh, my gosh.
Wayne, thank you so much.

1145
00:46:21,654 --> 00:46:23,190
- It's still my passion.
- I know.

1146
00:46:23,364 --> 00:46:25,481
I guess once a dighead,
always a dighead.

1147
00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:27,031
(CHUCKLES) Yes,
you certainly are.

1148
00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:28,988
Guess that makes me
a dighead, too.

1149
00:46:29,078 --> 00:46:31,946
Okay. My advice to you
is to crack a book, all right?

1150
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:35,116
You are failing this class
in spectacular fashion.

1151
00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:36,541
Oh...

1152
00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:40,579
And I would love to see you
on a dig one day.

1153
00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:42,418
That makes two of us

1154
00:46:42,591 --> 00:46:45,004
wanting to see me on a dig.
That's... Thank you.

1155
00:46:45,177 --> 00:46:46,668
It's a lovely sediment.

1156
00:46:46,762 --> 00:46:48,469
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1157
00:46:48,556 --> 00:46:51,094
No. I did not.
I did it, though.

1158
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:55,177
You're gonna make me become
Stone-unhinged.

1159
00:46:55,271 --> 00:46:56,478
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1160
00:46:59,108 --> 00:47:01,191
No, you get out.

1161
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,478
Anyway, I can't wait to see
your midterm presentation.

1162
00:47:04,655 --> 00:47:06,362
Well, I'm pretty excited
for you to read it.

1163
00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:08,990
Oh, no, no.
It's an oral presentation.

1164
00:47:09,452 --> 00:47:10,784
It's a...
What is it?

1165
00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:12,034
Instead of doing it
with your hands,

1166
00:47:12,121 --> 00:47:13,111
you present your work

1167
00:47:13,289 --> 00:47:14,621
with your mouth and tongue.

1168
00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:17,999
Okay. You're gonna be great.

1169
00:47:18,169 --> 00:47:19,705
Just keep up the good work.

1170
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:25,416
What's the matter?

1171
00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:29,303
I'm just not fond
of speaking in public.

1172
00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:31,463
MR. TRUZACK: Okay, let's get
started on those quizzes.

1173
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,008
You have 15 minutes,
so do not dally.

1174
00:47:41,859 --> 00:47:42,895
Dee Dee.

1175
00:47:43,819 --> 00:47:46,277
- Hey, Jack.
- Hey! I, um...

1176
00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:48,481
I saw Maddie
and she said that

1177
00:47:48,657 --> 00:47:50,319
you were gonna
be in here studying.

1178
00:47:50,409 --> 00:47:52,617
Um... So, I got you a coffee.

1179
00:47:52,787 --> 00:47:55,120
Thank you, Jack.
That's so nice of you.

1180
00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:57,155
I couldn't find
any chardonnay, so...

1181
00:47:57,249 --> 00:47:59,616
(LAUGHS) It's probably
for the best.

1182
00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:03,750
(CHUCKLES) Hey, have you been
getting my texts?

1183
00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:06,005
Oh. Um...

1184
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:07,583
You know what?

1185
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,503
I usually turn off
my little chimey alert.

1186
00:48:10,679 --> 00:48:14,343
Yeah. You gotta be quiet in
the library, right? (LAUGHS)

1187
00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:15,719
Oh.

1188
00:48:16,394 --> 00:48:17,930
Wow. That...

1189
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:20,308
That's a lot of texts, Jack.

1190
00:48:20,481 --> 00:48:23,144
- Now that I'm here...
- Yeah.

1191
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:25,274
Yeah, I can just tell you.

1192
00:48:26,195 --> 00:48:27,402
I, uh...

1193
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:30,481
I kind of can't stop
thinking about you.

1194
00:48:32,201 --> 00:48:33,658
Jack, that is so sweet.

1195
00:48:34,453 --> 00:48:36,615
You wanna know what I can't
stop thinking about?

1196
00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:39,623
Us. Me and you,
we leave this school.

1197
00:48:39,792 --> 00:48:42,580
We can go backpacking
across Europe.

1198
00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:44,369
Me and you.
<i>Eat Pray Love</i> style.

1199
00:48:44,463 --> 00:48:45,704
(STAMMERING)

1200
00:48:45,798 --> 00:48:48,711
I can bartend,
we'll make it work...

1201
00:48:48,884 --> 00:48:50,125
Jack.

1202
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:53,963
Years ago, somebody asking me
to do that with them

1203
00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:56,468
would have been
an absolute dream,

1204
00:48:56,642 --> 00:48:59,851
but I can't travel
with a backpack anymore.

1205
00:49:00,813 --> 00:49:03,021
I need luggage with wheels.

1206
00:49:03,107 --> 00:49:04,348
I mean, I...

1207
00:49:04,442 --> 00:49:06,775
Even my carry-on
has wheels, Jack.

1208
00:49:07,653 --> 00:49:10,566
My hips can't really
sustain a backpack.

1209
00:49:10,739 --> 00:49:13,072
They're never the same
after childbirth, you know.

1210
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:16,993
But it's such
a wonderful offer

1211
00:49:17,163 --> 00:49:19,155
and you're such
a terrific guy,

1212
00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:22,491
but I think
what we had the other night

1213
00:49:22,668 --> 00:49:26,833
was really kind of a one-time
special thing.

1214
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:30,881
(CHUCKLES)

1215
00:49:35,931 --> 00:49:37,342
Uh-oh. (CHUCKLES)

1216
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:39,390
(DEANNA GASPING)

1217
00:49:39,477 --> 00:49:42,094
JACK: That was amazing!
DEANNA: That was so nice.

1218
00:49:43,272 --> 00:49:44,604
DEANNA: Oh, my God.

1219
00:49:44,690 --> 00:49:46,101
(BOTH PANTING)

1220
00:49:46,192 --> 00:49:47,683
Oh, my God!

1221
00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:49,396
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.

1222
00:49:49,570 --> 00:49:51,687
You are my sexual Dumbledore.

1223
00:49:52,448 --> 00:49:53,655
What does that mean?

1224
00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:56,362
Dumbledore,
he's from <i>Harry Potter.</i>

1225
00:49:56,452 --> 00:49:59,365
You know, Harry Potter's,
like, mentor,

1226
00:49:59,538 --> 00:50:01,996
he's got the beard,
and he's got the hat.

1227
00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:03,156
Dumbledore.

1228
00:50:03,334 --> 00:50:05,417
I'm gonna stop you
right there.

1229
00:50:06,629 --> 00:50:08,245
(EXHALES) Um...

1230
00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:09,496
This is just, kind of...

1231
00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:11,377
This will ride you
through life.

1232
00:50:11,550 --> 00:50:14,293
I don't think ever
there's a woman

1233
00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,627
that's gonna
want you to say,

1234
00:50:15,804 --> 00:50:17,591
that during
a sexual encounter,

1235
00:50:17,765 --> 00:50:19,631
you're thinking of her
as an old,

1236
00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:22,012
gray, grizzled wizard.

1237
00:50:22,102 --> 00:50:23,638
Ah! (CHUCKLES)

1238
00:50:23,729 --> 00:50:25,345
- Yeah.
- Oh! Um...

1239
00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:26,429
Okay. I'm sorry.

1240
00:50:26,607 --> 00:50:30,726
So good up until you called me
an old, gray, male wizard.

1241
00:50:30,903 --> 00:50:33,316
So, no wizards.
Wizard talk's gone.

1242
00:50:34,073 --> 00:50:35,154
All right.

1243
00:50:35,950 --> 00:50:37,862
Okay. Well, um...

1244
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,945
- I'm gonna...
- See you later?

1245
00:50:41,121 --> 00:50:42,737
No, no, no.

1246
00:50:42,831 --> 00:50:43,821
(STAMMERS)

1247
00:50:43,916 --> 00:50:45,999
That was the last time...

1248
00:50:46,168 --> 00:50:47,409
Oh, you said that earlier.

1249
00:50:47,586 --> 00:50:49,703
I know... (STAMMERS)

1250
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:53,294
But your wrist got involved
and I got distracted. So...

1251
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:56,004
Last time. Okay.

1252
00:50:57,304 --> 00:50:59,591
Okay, that's it.
And we're done.

1253
00:50:59,765 --> 00:51:01,757
It's a clean break.

1254
00:51:02,851 --> 00:51:04,808
You know what? Just a finale.

1255
00:51:08,607 --> 00:51:10,189
Okay. I'll text you.

1256
00:51:12,736 --> 00:51:14,819
Okay, I'll miss that.
I'll miss that.

1257
00:51:14,989 --> 00:51:17,481
Okay, you go that way.
I'll go this way.

1258
00:51:18,450 --> 00:51:19,736
(EXCLAIMING)

1259
00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:22,493
Oh.

1260
00:51:22,580 --> 00:51:24,162
Oh, my God!

1261
00:51:24,248 --> 00:51:25,284
Oh.

1262
00:51:25,374 --> 00:51:26,615
- (LINE RINGING)
- Come on, come on, come on.

1263
00:51:27,501 --> 00:51:29,367
- Hello?
- DEANNA: <i>What are you doing?</i>

1264
00:51:29,545 --> 00:51:32,288
I think my forks
have oxidized.

1265
00:51:32,464 --> 00:51:34,330
I'm just...
I'm trying to get it off.

1266
00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:35,498
<i>Why, what are you doing?</i>

1267
00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:36,754
I just had sex in the library.

1268
00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:37,917
What?

1269
00:51:38,012 --> 00:51:39,503
<i>I just had sex in the library.</i>

1270
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:40,716
You had what?

1271
00:51:41,599 --> 00:51:43,511
I just had sex in the library.

1272
00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:46,176
You had sex in a library?

1273
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:47,764
<i>- Frank.</i>
- No, don't tell Frank.

1274
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:49,520
<i>Deanna just had sex
in a public place.</i>

1275
00:51:49,690 --> 00:51:50,851
What? Where?

1276
00:51:51,025 --> 00:51:52,357
In the stacks! (LAUGHS)

1277
00:51:52,526 --> 00:51:53,812
In her slacks?

1278
00:51:53,986 --> 00:51:55,602
No. Shut up, Frank.

1279
00:51:56,238 --> 00:51:57,979
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Oh, hang on for one second.

1280
00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,404
You know what? I have to go.

1281
00:52:02,578 --> 00:52:04,285
<i>- I'll call you later.</i>
- (LAUGHS)

1282
00:52:05,956 --> 00:52:07,743
Can you believe this, Frank?

1283
00:52:07,916 --> 00:52:09,452
Good for Deanna.

1284
00:52:10,294 --> 00:52:12,536
- Oh, Frank.
- Hmm.

1285
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:18,041
Why don't we
ever have sex in public?

1286
00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:21,002
Because, honey, last time
you blew your knee out,

1287
00:52:21,180 --> 00:52:23,763
and I had to carry you
out of Six Flags.

1288
00:52:25,601 --> 00:52:27,058
Oh.

1289
00:52:27,144 --> 00:52:29,261
But I do like those
fuzzy socks.

1290
00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:31,805
Oh, Frank. (LAUGHING)

1291
00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:35,483
Thanks for coming, Mom.
Debbie's really freaking out.

1292
00:52:35,653 --> 00:52:38,737
It sounded serious.
I'm gonna make my lasagna.

1293
00:52:40,741 --> 00:52:42,152
Okay...

1294
00:52:42,743 --> 00:52:44,154
Hey, Debbie.

1295
00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:45,694
Do you think
you're ready to maybe

1296
00:52:45,788 --> 00:52:47,279
start talking about it now?

1297
00:52:47,456 --> 00:52:49,698
She went to a job fair
and now she's all freaked out.

1298
00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:52,041
I thought fairs
were supposed to be fun.

1299
00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:53,368
This one wasn't fun at all.

1300
00:52:53,545 --> 00:52:56,128
I don't even know what I
really wanna do with my life.

1301
00:52:56,298 --> 00:52:58,130
Why did I study kinesiology?

1302
00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:00,007
That's, uh... I mean,
that's basically

1303
00:53:00,094 --> 00:53:02,086
like physical therapy, right?

1304
00:53:02,262 --> 00:53:03,844
Kind of, but not as useful.

1305
00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:06,176
It's the theoretical study
of human movement.

1306
00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:08,512
Okay. Wow.

1307
00:53:08,686 --> 00:53:11,429
I can see that does feel

1308
00:53:11,814 --> 00:53:15,728
slightly limited
in employment opportunities.

1309
00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:18,693
I took out $45,000
in student loans

1310
00:53:18,862 --> 00:53:20,603
and what am I ready for?
Nothing.

1311
00:53:20,781 --> 00:53:21,897
DEANNA: Okay, come on.

1312
00:53:22,074 --> 00:53:24,282
You can't make such a big deal
out of everything.

1313
00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:25,987
Ladies, you gotta have
a little faith in yourselves.

1314
00:53:26,161 --> 00:53:30,030
I spent 20 years
just giving it all away.

1315
00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:31,789
I worried about
what other people thought.

1316
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:33,825
I worried about what they
thought I should be doing.

1317
00:53:34,002 --> 00:53:35,664
Never what I thought.
Look at me now.

1318
00:53:35,838 --> 00:53:37,374
I'm living in a dorm
with a roommate

1319
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:39,255
that I'm pretty sure
watches me while I sleep.

1320
00:53:39,425 --> 00:53:42,042
I got the clothes on my back.
I got nothing.

1321
00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:44,632
The last 20 years of my life
have been a real shit show.

1322
00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:45,966
Thank you.

1323
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:48,423
Not meaning you... I mean...

1324
00:53:48,517 --> 00:53:50,509
You know what I mean.

1325
00:53:50,686 --> 00:53:51,972
Give me those fingers.

1326
00:53:52,146 --> 00:53:55,264
Every single little thing
about you is a dream.

1327
00:53:55,441 --> 00:53:57,023
I wouldn't change any of that.

1328
00:53:57,192 --> 00:53:59,775
The rest, I would like to
rewind that clock,

1329
00:53:59,945 --> 00:54:02,858
and 20 years ago start
speaking up for myself,

1330
00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:04,067
so that's my point.

1331
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:06,403
You gals are terrific.
You're not quitters.

1332
00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:08,739
I'm afraid I'm never gonna be
in a real relationship.

1333
00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:10,403
- (ALL GROAN)
- Amanda! Come on!

1334
00:54:10,581 --> 00:54:11,822
Come on!

1335
00:54:11,999 --> 00:54:13,080
DEANNA: I'm so sorry.

1336
00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:14,912
Honey, if you can't use

1337
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:17,418
what the good Lord made you
and make that work,

1338
00:54:17,588 --> 00:54:19,124
then what the hell hope

1339
00:54:19,214 --> 00:54:20,671
- do any of us have?
- None.

1340
00:54:20,841 --> 00:54:22,924
DEANNA: You're all amazing.
I mean, look at you.

1341
00:54:23,093 --> 00:54:25,210
You're all lovely here
and you're smart

1342
00:54:25,304 --> 00:54:26,294
and you're wonderful,

1343
00:54:26,472 --> 00:54:29,340
and you're weird,
in the best way.

1344
00:54:29,433 --> 00:54:31,095
(STAMMERS)

1345
00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,051
My God! Look at Carol's legs.

1346
00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:34,469
Legs for days.

1347
00:54:34,646 --> 00:54:35,887
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

1348
00:54:36,064 --> 00:54:38,101
Just enjoy them,
for God's sakes.

1349
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:41,393
We all have to realize
everybody's great, right?

1350
00:54:41,570 --> 00:54:44,062
And this is good. Okay?
And this is good,

1351
00:54:44,156 --> 00:54:45,738
and this is good,
and these are good.

1352
00:54:45,908 --> 00:54:47,274
And this is... My God!

1353
00:54:47,451 --> 00:54:48,692
Mom, do not touch
Amanda's butt.

1354
00:54:48,869 --> 00:54:50,201
DEANNA: You know what
it makes me think of?

1355
00:54:50,621 --> 00:54:52,908
It's like a three-day-old
loaf of bread.

1356
00:54:53,081 --> 00:54:55,869
It's firmer, but it's kept
its original shape.

1357
00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:59,203
I think I've just been looser
structurally.

1358
00:54:59,797 --> 00:55:00,913
Oh, you know,
I could explain to you

1359
00:55:01,006 --> 00:55:02,338
the differences
in your bodies.

1360
00:55:02,508 --> 00:55:04,249
But only as it pertains
to movement.

1361
00:55:04,593 --> 00:55:06,300
Look what's happening
right now.

1362
00:55:06,386 --> 00:55:07,547
Look what's happening...

1363
00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:09,212
You're using your degree.

1364
00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:10,379
- You're doing it!
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

1365
00:55:10,474 --> 00:55:11,555
- (ALL CHEERING)
- I am.

1366
00:55:11,725 --> 00:55:12,761
You guys, there is
a party tonight

1367
00:55:12,851 --> 00:55:15,184
at Deltas
and it's '80s themed.

1368
00:55:15,354 --> 00:55:17,937
So ladies,
time to crush a party.

1369
00:55:18,106 --> 00:55:20,189
Oh, I brought
my dress-up trunk.

1370
00:55:20,359 --> 00:55:21,850
('80S MUSIC PLAYING)

1371
00:55:23,779 --> 00:55:25,771
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

1372
00:55:37,292 --> 00:55:39,500
I told you we should have
done <i>Dynasty.</i>

1373
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:42,083
Why do they all look so good?

1374
00:55:42,256 --> 00:55:43,872
- Welcome to the '80s!
- Thank you.

1375
00:55:44,883 --> 00:55:46,590
Hey! Theta Gammas!

1376
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,296
Hi, there! Well...

1377
00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:50,336
I'm not officially a member.

1378
00:55:50,430 --> 00:55:52,342
I'm a little too young
to join a sorority.

1379
00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:55,220
(LAUGHING) No!

1380
00:55:56,478 --> 00:55:58,219
- Don't drink that.
- Oh.

1381
00:55:58,397 --> 00:56:01,310
This is a 2017
Italian chardonnay.

1382
00:56:01,483 --> 00:56:02,690
Jack...

1383
00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:03,976
Yeah, it's truly
one of a kind.

1384
00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:05,731
Very oaky, very buttery.

1385
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:08,191
Because it was a hot and
dry fall this year in Italy.

1386
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:11,108
So, the grapes are very,
very succulent.

1387
00:56:11,285 --> 00:56:14,824
Well, far be from me to turn
down a succulent grape.

1388
00:56:14,997 --> 00:56:17,705
You're being really weird
with the grape descriptions.

1389
00:56:17,875 --> 00:56:20,288
It's lovely. It really is.

1390
00:56:20,460 --> 00:56:21,450
Hey, Grandma.

1391
00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:25,796
Hey, Jack, could you help me
track down a drink?

1392
00:56:27,134 --> 00:56:29,501
Okay, Jennifer,
there's a keg out back.

1393
00:56:29,928 --> 00:56:31,544
There's also boxed wine.

1394
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:33,921
You know what?
I think we're gonna go

1395
00:56:34,016 --> 00:56:35,006
take a little spin around,

1396
00:56:35,183 --> 00:56:37,971
try to figure out
who shot J.R. (LAUGHS)

1397
00:56:38,061 --> 00:56:39,302
Someone was shot?

1398
00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:42,392
No! God, no, it's from <i>Dallas.</i>

1399
00:56:42,566 --> 00:56:44,228
It's a television program.

1400
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:47,394
Okay, I'll explain it.
(LAUGHS)

1401
00:56:47,988 --> 00:56:51,652
Hey, if there's anything else
I can get for you,

1402
00:56:51,825 --> 00:56:53,691
seriously, anything.
More wine,

1403
00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:56,828
anything honestly,
just let me know.

1404
00:56:56,997 --> 00:56:58,204
Okay, thanks, Jack.

1405
00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:02,079
And I love
what's left of your top.

1406
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:03,914
(LAUGHS)

1407
00:57:06,214 --> 00:57:07,750
So, what's your deal, man?

1408
00:57:08,175 --> 00:57:10,167
I don't know. (CHUCKLES)

1409
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:12,923
She makes me so nervous.
Can you tell?

1410
00:57:13,722 --> 00:57:14,838
Yeah.

1411
00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:20,434
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

1412
00:57:27,945 --> 00:57:29,311
I know this one.

1413
00:57:29,488 --> 00:57:31,150
- Oh. No, Mom.
- I know this one.

1414
00:57:31,323 --> 00:57:32,439
- TYLER: Uh-oh.
- Get it!

1415
00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:45,167
- Your mom can dance?
- MADDIE: I guess so.

1416
00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:47,711
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

1417
00:57:52,427 --> 00:57:53,963
ALL: Ooh.

1418
00:57:56,431 --> 00:57:57,797
(ALL GASP)

1419
00:58:08,443 --> 00:58:09,854
(ALL CHEERING)

1420
00:58:18,620 --> 00:58:19,861
It's a car!

1421
00:58:20,038 --> 00:58:21,620
Yeah, I can see that.

1422
00:58:21,790 --> 00:58:22,780
Oh, yes, Mom!

1423
00:58:22,958 --> 00:58:24,244
What a woman!

1424
00:58:24,418 --> 00:58:25,784
You're doing so well!

1425
00:58:25,961 --> 00:58:26,951
I'm so hot.

1426
00:58:27,129 --> 00:58:28,745
You know so many moves!

1427
00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:31,380
Get back in there. Go get her!

1428
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:33,166
(ALL WHOOP)

1429
00:58:34,761 --> 00:58:36,377
- Oh
- ALL: Boo!

1430
00:58:36,555 --> 00:58:37,591
I got hair hit.

1431
00:58:43,603 --> 00:58:45,014
(ALL CHEERING)

1432
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:49,649
- I'm good!
- (ALL CHEER)

1433
00:58:54,072 --> 00:58:55,438
I'm so happy you're here.

1434
00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:57,151
I am too, honey!

1435
00:58:59,327 --> 00:59:00,568
Okay.

1436
00:59:04,833 --> 00:59:07,792
Hi! You need some friends
and some vitamin D.

1437
00:59:07,961 --> 00:59:10,374
Okay, pal.
Sunscreen's on my desk.

1438
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:14,290
Thank you, best friend.

1439
00:59:15,260 --> 00:59:16,501
DEANNA: Whoa! Come on, girls!

1440
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:18,670
This is our moment!

1441
00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:20,300
(GIRLS CHEERING)

1442
00:59:20,599 --> 00:59:21,680
Ow!

1443
00:59:22,434 --> 00:59:23,970
- Hi, Dee!
- Hi, guys!

1444
00:59:24,144 --> 00:59:26,136
- (BELL TRILLS)
- Rebecca, I'll see you in lab.

1445
00:59:26,313 --> 00:59:27,849
- There she is.
- Hi!

1446
00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:30,314
Ooh!

1447
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:31,857
No legs!

1448
00:59:38,617 --> 00:59:40,108
- GIRL: Yeah!
- (GRUNTS)

1449
00:59:40,202 --> 00:59:42,114
(ALL CHEERING)

1450
00:59:42,204 --> 00:59:43,194
Yes!

1451
00:59:46,875 --> 00:59:48,366
Hey, Dee!

1452
00:59:49,795 --> 00:59:50,956
Have a good day.

1453
00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:53,917
Bye, Jack. (GIGGLES)

1454
01:00:02,349 --> 01:00:03,590
HELEN: Shh! Be careful.

1455
01:00:03,767 --> 01:00:05,178
DEBBIE: I can't see
out of my holes!

1456
01:00:05,352 --> 01:00:07,139
MADDIE: Guys, why did I
have to do this?

1457
01:00:07,312 --> 01:00:08,302
DEBBIE: Just hold her up,

1458
01:00:08,396 --> 01:00:09,386
so we can
get her head in there.

1459
01:00:09,481 --> 01:00:10,892
(GASPS AND YELLS)

1460
01:00:10,982 --> 01:00:12,268
(CONTINUES YELLING)

1461
01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:14,521
Aw. Kidnapping?

1462
01:00:14,694 --> 01:00:16,606
DEANNA: No! Leonor!
DEBBIE: Come on.

1463
01:00:16,696 --> 01:00:17,732
DEANNA: No!

1464
01:00:20,158 --> 01:00:21,365
Hello?

1465
01:00:22,577 --> 01:00:23,567
Oh.

1466
01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:25,069
(GRUNTS)

1467
01:00:25,914 --> 01:00:26,904
HELEN: (DISTORTED VOICE)
<i>Deanna Miles,</i>

1468
01:00:26,998 --> 01:00:28,705
<i>welcome to your trial by fire.</i>

1469
01:00:29,209 --> 01:00:32,623
What is that device that's
making your voice so strange?

1470
01:00:32,796 --> 01:00:34,287
<i>It's a voice modulator!</i>

1471
01:00:34,464 --> 01:00:35,921
<i>Everybody,
take off your masks.</i>

1472
01:00:38,468 --> 01:00:41,006
Oh, my face got
so hot under there.

1473
01:00:41,972 --> 01:00:43,804
Oh, God, Debbie,
what's wrong with your face?

1474
01:00:43,974 --> 01:00:45,681
Oh, I'm allergic to latex.

1475
01:00:45,851 --> 01:00:47,683
Then why would you
put the mask on?

1476
01:00:47,853 --> 01:00:49,719
I just wanted to be
a team player.

1477
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:52,938
Deanna Miles,
are you ready to become

1478
01:00:53,024 --> 01:00:55,687
an honorary member
of Theta Mu Gamma?

1479
01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:56,858
(GASPS)

1480
01:00:57,612 --> 01:01:00,355
Really? Is that
what this is about?

1481
01:01:00,532 --> 01:01:02,273
Wow, ladies! I mean,
as long as it's...

1482
01:01:02,450 --> 01:01:04,032
Is that okay with Maddie?

1483
01:01:04,244 --> 01:01:05,985
It was my idea, Mom.

1484
01:01:07,873 --> 01:01:10,206
Maddie Miles,
please untie your mother.

1485
01:01:10,709 --> 01:01:12,917
Am I supposed to act scared
or anything or can I...

1486
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:14,247
- No.
- Okay.

1487
01:01:14,462 --> 01:01:15,623
- Just be yourself.
- Okay.

1488
01:01:15,797 --> 01:01:17,004
Thank you, honey.

1489
01:01:17,257 --> 01:01:18,293
(SIGHS)

1490
01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:21,342
Linda, please bring forth
the candle.

1491
01:01:21,511 --> 01:01:22,797
Where's Linda?

1492
01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:24,129
Oh.

1493
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:25,303
Welcome.

1494
01:01:25,473 --> 01:01:26,930
Thank you, Linda. (SNIFFS)

1495
01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:31,390
Now you will be presented
with the sacred paddle.

1496
01:01:31,563 --> 01:01:33,930
Welcome, Dee Rock.

1497
01:01:34,941 --> 01:01:38,981
Carol, your brushwork
is absolutely lovely.

1498
01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:41,437
They're actually just
stickers, but still.

1499
01:01:41,615 --> 01:01:43,982
Maddie, please
spank your mother

1500
01:01:44,075 --> 01:01:45,282
with the ceremonial paddle.

1501
01:01:45,785 --> 01:01:48,573
No, I'm not...
I'm not paddling my mother.

1502
01:01:48,747 --> 01:01:50,079
Oh, come on, Maddie.

1503
01:01:50,248 --> 01:01:51,284
Maddie, team player!

1504
01:01:51,458 --> 01:01:52,790
You know what? I have to ask.

1505
01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:55,372
Has everybody else
been paddled?

1506
01:01:55,545 --> 01:01:57,958
Because I don't wanna be
the stick in the mud.

1507
01:01:58,131 --> 01:01:59,247
Should I crouch?

1508
01:01:59,341 --> 01:02:01,128
I'm assuming I should
take a crouched position.

1509
01:02:01,301 --> 01:02:02,291
I crouched.

1510
01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:04,543
I want the full
Greek experience

1511
01:02:04,638 --> 01:02:05,628
because
I've always wondered...

1512
01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:07,554
Ow! (SCREAMS)

1513
01:02:09,976 --> 01:02:11,387
God, that hit bone!

1514
01:02:11,561 --> 01:02:12,722
- Mom.
- DEANNA: Maddie!

1515
01:02:12,896 --> 01:02:14,762
- I'm sorry.
- (DEANNA GROANS LOUDLY)

1516
01:02:14,856 --> 01:02:15,846
MADDIE: Mom.

1517
01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:17,728
Oh! Is someone
still hitting me?

1518
01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:19,267
I'm not touching you!

1519
01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:20,480
I feel it!

1520
01:02:20,946 --> 01:02:24,360
They're like phantom pains
except they're real.

1521
01:02:24,449 --> 01:02:25,656
(GROANING LOUDLY)

1522
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:27,199
Get off of me!

1523
01:02:28,370 --> 01:02:29,827
Oh, God.

1524
01:02:30,413 --> 01:02:32,370
I thought I was gonna vomit.
(INHALES SHARPLY)

1525
01:02:33,375 --> 01:02:34,411
No.

1526
01:02:34,584 --> 01:02:35,620
I'm sorry

1527
01:02:36,336 --> 01:02:38,919
if I may have raised my voice.

1528
01:02:39,089 --> 01:02:40,079
Are you okay, Dee Rock?

1529
01:02:40,173 --> 01:02:41,584
DEANNA: Oh, it's like
when you stub a toe.

1530
01:02:41,758 --> 01:02:44,091
You just... You skyrocket,

1531
01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:46,969
and then 30 seconds later,

1532
01:02:47,138 --> 01:02:48,674
you didn't lose the toe

1533
01:02:48,765 --> 01:02:50,927
which you swore
30 seconds earlier,

1534
01:02:51,101 --> 01:02:52,512
"I'm gonna lose the toe."

1535
01:02:52,686 --> 01:02:54,552
Right? We've all been
at that bedpost.

1536
01:02:54,646 --> 01:02:55,807
(LAUGHS)

1537
01:02:55,897 --> 01:02:57,104
Are you ready to continue?

1538
01:02:57,274 --> 01:02:59,357
- I'd love to.
- HELEN: All right.

1539
01:02:59,526 --> 01:03:01,017
By the power vested in me

1540
01:03:01,111 --> 01:03:03,478
by this great state
and educational facility,

1541
01:03:03,655 --> 01:03:07,399
I declare you a member
of Theta Mu Gamma.

1542
01:03:07,492 --> 01:03:09,484
(ALL CHEERING)

1543
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:13,074
Oh, my gosh!

1544
01:03:13,248 --> 01:03:17,834
I just wanna say, I mean,
pound sign, hashtag gratitude.

1545
01:03:18,003 --> 01:03:19,119
Right here.

1546
01:03:19,713 --> 01:03:21,500
(DISTORTED VOICE)
<i>And there's cake upstairs!</i>

1547
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:23,376
(ALL CHEERING)

1548
01:03:23,466 --> 01:03:24,673
Cake!

1549
01:03:24,759 --> 01:03:25,840
Oh.

1550
01:03:26,845 --> 01:03:28,256
She's allergic.

1551
01:03:28,430 --> 01:03:29,762
Honey, you're allergic.

1552
01:03:29,931 --> 01:03:31,047
DEBBIE: Not tonight!

1553
01:03:35,812 --> 01:03:37,769
(INHALES DEEPLY) All right.

1554
01:03:37,939 --> 01:03:39,976
Exciting day.
Hello to you, class.

1555
01:03:40,150 --> 01:03:41,812
I am very much
looking forward

1556
01:03:41,985 --> 01:03:45,399
to discovering the treasure
of your midterm presentations.

1557
01:03:45,488 --> 01:03:46,774
(CHUCKLES)

1558
01:03:46,865 --> 01:03:48,072
You're not gonna
laugh at that?

1559
01:03:48,241 --> 01:03:49,357
It's funny. I'm just...

1560
01:03:49,534 --> 01:03:52,368
I'm too nervous about
this presentation. I can't.

1561
01:03:52,537 --> 01:03:54,824
Uh, okay, tell you what.
Why don't we start off with,

1562
01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:56,246
no offense
to the rest of you,

1563
01:03:56,416 --> 01:03:58,032
my favorite student...

1564
01:03:58,209 --> 01:03:59,416
Oh, God. I gotta get some air.

1565
01:03:59,586 --> 01:04:01,202
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's me.

1566
01:04:01,296 --> 01:04:02,582
I'm clearly his favorite.

1567
01:04:02,756 --> 01:04:03,837
Excuse me.

1568
01:04:04,007 --> 01:04:07,250
Deanna Miles, would you
get us started, please?

1569
01:04:08,386 --> 01:04:10,218
(SIGHS) Oh, God!

1570
01:04:12,265 --> 01:04:13,381
I'm... Um...

1571
01:04:16,186 --> 01:04:17,768
- You wanna...
- No.

1572
01:04:19,731 --> 01:04:21,563
I know you're gonna
knock our socks off.

1573
01:04:21,649 --> 01:04:22,810
- (CHUCKLES) Uh...
- Thank you.

1574
01:04:22,984 --> 01:04:24,475
Deanna Miles is gonna
start us off, everybody.

1575
01:04:24,569 --> 01:04:25,605
Uh, lights.

1576
01:04:26,738 --> 01:04:27,728
Oh.

1577
01:04:28,490 --> 01:04:30,573
Oh, I didn't expect that.
(EXHALES)

1578
01:04:31,368 --> 01:04:33,325
- Hello.
- (CLATTERS)

1579
01:04:34,412 --> 01:04:35,528
Oh, God.

1580
01:04:36,247 --> 01:04:37,237
Sorry.

1581
01:04:37,332 --> 01:04:39,073
(PODIUM CLATTERING)

1582
01:04:39,834 --> 01:04:40,824
Oh.

1583
01:04:44,964 --> 01:04:47,047
I didn't... Is it a crank?

1584
01:04:47,217 --> 01:04:48,458
It's a crank.

1585
01:04:48,635 --> 01:04:51,503
I'm sorry, I just need to...
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1586
01:04:52,180 --> 01:04:53,637
Reorganize.

1587
01:04:54,849 --> 01:04:57,216
I'm here to... Oh, God!

1588
01:04:57,394 --> 01:04:58,555
I'm sorry.

1589
01:04:59,521 --> 01:05:00,728
I'm so sorry.

1590
01:05:00,897 --> 01:05:03,264
Is it part of
the core curriculum

1591
01:05:03,358 --> 01:05:05,816
that I must use the podium?

1592
01:05:05,985 --> 01:05:07,601
Of course not. No, not at all.

1593
01:05:07,779 --> 01:05:09,896
Okay. I'm going to opt

1594
01:05:10,073 --> 01:05:13,441
to not use that.
(CLEARS THROAT)

1595
01:05:14,202 --> 01:05:16,068
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1596
01:05:16,287 --> 01:05:17,994
She's totally pitting out.

1597
01:05:18,164 --> 01:05:19,780
- She's gonna be fine.
- (CHUCKLES)

1598
01:05:22,085 --> 01:05:23,496
(EXHALES)

1599
01:05:23,586 --> 01:05:24,667
(LOUDLY) I'm here...

1600
01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:26,495
(QUIETLY) Too loud, too loud.

1601
01:05:26,673 --> 01:05:28,585
I'm here to discuss,

1602
01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:33,048
not an exciting find
but rather an exciting truth.

1603
01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:37,382
The tomb of Attila the Hun,

1604
01:05:37,934 --> 01:05:39,800
thought to be in Budapest,
Hungary

1605
01:05:39,978 --> 01:05:42,470
in 2014,

1606
01:05:42,647 --> 01:05:44,183
but was in fact a hoax.

1607
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,973
But how do we know?

1608
01:05:46,860 --> 01:05:49,273
(GROANS) How do we know?

1609
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:51,028
Ms. Miles, are you okay?

1610
01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:53,029
Oh, yes. I'm fine.
It's just...

1611
01:05:53,700 --> 01:05:54,907
You know what, if I could just

1612
01:05:54,993 --> 01:05:57,906
maybe get into a couple
of those tissues...

1613
01:05:58,079 --> 01:05:59,160
Oh, of course, of course.

1614
01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:01,033
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1615
01:06:03,418 --> 01:06:04,579
- I'm sorry.
- No.

1616
01:06:04,752 --> 01:06:07,460
You may wanna check
with your HVAC guy

1617
01:06:07,630 --> 01:06:10,464
because something's
going on in here.

1618
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,549
(EXHALES)

1619
01:06:13,136 --> 01:06:14,422
- Thank you.
- You've got...

1620
01:06:14,512 --> 01:06:16,344
(MUFFLED LAUGHING)

1621
01:06:18,183 --> 01:06:19,799
Thank you. That's better.

1622
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:22,302
(MOUTHING WORDS) Tissue.

1623
01:06:23,521 --> 01:06:25,137
Oh, my God.

1624
01:06:25,607 --> 01:06:26,723
(GRUNTS)

1625
01:06:32,322 --> 01:06:33,529
(CLEARS THROAT)

1626
01:06:34,574 --> 01:06:36,156
Historically...
(CLEARS THROAT)

1627
01:06:36,326 --> 01:06:37,908
Historically, the Huns have...

1628
01:06:37,994 --> 01:06:40,031
(CLEARING THROAT)

1629
01:06:40,121 --> 01:06:41,407
(COUGHS)

1630
01:06:41,498 --> 01:06:45,242
Could I just have
a small sip of water

1631
01:06:45,418 --> 01:06:47,250
from someone? Um...

1632
01:06:47,754 --> 01:06:49,165
Do you mind if I just...

1633
01:06:49,339 --> 01:06:51,672
Thank you so much. Thank you.

1634
01:06:51,758 --> 01:06:53,420
(BOTTLE CRACKLING)

1635
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:55,589
(QUIETLY) Don't be a dick now.

1636
01:07:00,266 --> 01:07:01,552
(EXHALES)

1637
01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:02,679
(GAGS)

1638
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:05,136
(STRAINED VOICE)
That is surprisingly

1639
01:07:05,230 --> 01:07:06,721
challenging my body.

1640
01:07:06,898 --> 01:07:09,140
- Wayne!
- Deanna.

1641
01:07:09,234 --> 01:07:10,350
(GROANS LOUDLY)

1642
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:12,310
Oh, girl.

1643
01:07:12,403 --> 01:07:14,065
(EXHALES)

1644
01:07:14,155 --> 01:07:16,522
I think it's okay now.

1645
01:07:18,618 --> 01:07:20,234
So sorry for that.

1646
01:07:21,871 --> 01:07:25,956
(PANTING) Rümschtein
discovered a tomb

1647
01:07:26,125 --> 01:07:30,540
allegedly that had
many human skeletons,

1648
01:07:30,713 --> 01:07:31,874
and there was many various

1649
01:07:31,965 --> 01:07:34,628
different kinds of
horse skeletons,

1650
01:07:35,635 --> 01:07:38,127
i.e., carcasses... (GROANS)

1651
01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:41,885
To enable them to come
into the next dimension.

1652
01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:44,804
Are there any questions...
(GRUNTS)

1653
01:07:44,894 --> 01:07:46,226
- (THUDS)
- (GROANS)

1654
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,979
- Deanna?
- No. Okay, uh...

1655
01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:51,182
Ms. Miles! Ms. Miles!

1656
01:07:51,359 --> 01:07:52,440
Dee Rock!

1657
01:07:53,695 --> 01:07:55,311
(GASPS) How did I do?

1658
01:07:55,488 --> 01:07:57,980
Girl, you sweat
through your pants.

1659
01:07:58,157 --> 01:08:01,195
Oh, no. I love these pants.

1660
01:08:01,286 --> 01:08:03,699
(GROANING)

1661
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:06,030
- (MILD MUSIC PLAYING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

1662
01:08:06,749 --> 01:08:07,956
BILL: Well,
it was the first time

1663
01:08:08,042 --> 01:08:09,749
I've taken a look
at his entire portfolio.

1664
01:08:09,919 --> 01:08:11,785
And, uh, I looked at him
and I said,

1665
01:08:11,963 --> 01:08:16,082
"Tom, your 401 K
is 401 not okay."

1666
01:08:16,175 --> 01:08:17,461
(LAUGHING)

1667
01:08:17,552 --> 01:08:18,668
Interesting.

1668
01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:20,552
Sounds like a really
exciting business.

1669
01:08:20,722 --> 01:08:22,213
CHRISTINE:
I'm glad to see you.

1670
01:08:22,390 --> 01:08:24,382
- Yeah, me, too.
- I'm glad you called me.

1671
01:08:24,559 --> 01:08:26,050
You're being quiet tonight.
What is it?

1672
01:08:26,603 --> 01:08:29,767
No, I'm enjoying the wine,
and the neat banter.

1673
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:32,727
Oh, my God. We are too old
and boring for you now.

1674
01:08:32,900 --> 01:08:34,016
- Don't say that.
- I knew it.

1675
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:35,396
- That's not true.
- Don't dump me.

1676
01:08:35,570 --> 01:08:37,232
- I'm not gonna dump you.
- I mean it.

1677
01:08:37,405 --> 01:08:40,273
I will leave Frank.
I will, in a heartbeat.

1678
01:08:40,450 --> 01:08:43,443
And I don't give two rat's
asses about Amy and Bill.

1679
01:08:44,162 --> 01:08:45,152
Excuse me?

1680
01:08:45,246 --> 01:08:46,327
CHRISTINE: Your jokes make me
wanna kill myself.

1681
01:08:46,497 --> 01:08:47,783
They're not very good.

1682
01:08:47,957 --> 01:08:49,243
No, they're the worst.

1683
01:08:49,417 --> 01:08:50,828
That's... That's fair.

1684
01:08:51,252 --> 01:08:52,493
Oh, my God.

1685
01:08:52,670 --> 01:08:54,286
CHRISTINE: Oh, my God.
DEANNA: Oh, my God.

1686
01:08:54,464 --> 01:08:56,421
- Those pricks are here.
- Who?

1687
01:08:56,591 --> 01:08:57,581
DEANNA: They can't see me.

1688
01:08:57,675 --> 01:08:59,792
Where are you going?
What are you doing?

1689
01:08:59,969 --> 01:09:01,335
Maybe they're going
the other...

1690
01:09:02,722 --> 01:09:04,679
I did not know
they were gonna be here.

1691
01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:06,556
Well...

1692
01:09:06,643 --> 01:09:07,850
DEANNA: Oh, here it is.
Found my contact.

1693
01:09:07,935 --> 01:09:08,925
Hey, gang.
What's the good word?

1694
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:10,093
Hi!

1695
01:09:11,022 --> 01:09:12,183
Oh.

1696
01:09:12,273 --> 01:09:14,390
What a surprise!
I didn't know you were here.

1697
01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:16,103
- You guys know Marcie, right?
- Yeah.

1698
01:09:16,277 --> 01:09:17,484
I don't think
I introduced you.

1699
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:18,731
- Hi. Hello.
- Very nice to meet you.

1700
01:09:18,821 --> 01:09:19,937
MARCIE: Pleasure. It's great.

1701
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,740
What is... What is
on your lobe, Dan?

1702
01:09:23,826 --> 01:09:27,240
Oh. It's an earring.
It works for Harrison Ford.

1703
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:28,320
Sure does.

1704
01:09:28,498 --> 01:09:29,830
Harrison Ford blew up

1705
01:09:29,916 --> 01:09:31,123
the Death Star
and freed a galaxy.

1706
01:09:31,292 --> 01:09:32,533
What have you done, Dan?

1707
01:09:32,710 --> 01:09:34,246
Six-minute abs. He completed

1708
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:35,999
the 30-day challenge
of six-minute abs.

1709
01:09:36,172 --> 01:09:37,788
DAN: My goal is
to have a washboard.

1710
01:09:37,965 --> 01:09:39,251
Now Deanna,
what are you up to?

1711
01:09:39,342 --> 01:09:41,880
You still pretending
to go to college?

1712
01:09:42,053 --> 01:09:43,919
Because you know Dan can't
foot that bill forever.

1713
01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:47,261
What was the word we learned
in Italy for "pathetic"?

1714
01:09:47,433 --> 01:09:48,640
DAN: I don't remember anymore.
MARCIE: I do.

1715
01:09:48,810 --> 01:09:50,221
It was Deanna.

1716
01:09:50,395 --> 01:09:53,308
Pathetico in Italian.
Pathetic, pathetico.

1717
01:09:53,481 --> 01:09:56,474
Bill, you look like
Orson Welles

1718
01:09:56,651 --> 01:09:59,485
had a stroke
and stayed that way.

1719
01:09:59,987 --> 01:10:01,603
Not the first time
I've heard it.

1720
01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:04,945
God, I hate him so much.
I hate him so much.

1721
01:10:05,118 --> 01:10:06,279
He's hateable.

1722
01:10:06,369 --> 01:10:08,110
(CLEARS THROAT)
Deanna, I wanted to

1723
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,320
speak to you privately
for a second.

1724
01:10:09,497 --> 01:10:11,580
No. I don't have
any time for you,

1725
01:10:11,749 --> 01:10:14,241
and I will never have any time
for you again.

1726
01:10:14,419 --> 01:10:16,786
Fine. Uh, well,
I was going to say,

1727
01:10:16,963 --> 01:10:18,625
Marcie and I have
some big news.

1728
01:10:19,132 --> 01:10:20,589
We're getting married
next week.

1729
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,670
Small ceremony
but super classy.

1730
01:10:22,844 --> 01:10:23,925
Mazel tov!

1731
01:10:24,095 --> 01:10:26,007
Shut up, Bill!

1732
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:27,967
What the hell
is wrong with you?

1733
01:10:28,141 --> 01:10:29,552
They said they were
getting married.

1734
01:10:29,642 --> 01:10:31,554
(STAMMERS) Mazel tov!

1735
01:10:31,728 --> 01:10:33,845
Read the room, Bill.

1736
01:10:34,021 --> 01:10:37,264
Thank you. That was very kind.
I'm not Jewish, but thank you.

1737
01:10:37,442 --> 01:10:38,933
This is a bona fide shit show.

1738
01:10:39,110 --> 01:10:40,567
- Oh, jeez.
- DAN: Oh.

1739
01:10:40,737 --> 01:10:42,603
I was hoping
for a "congratulations."

1740
01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:44,487
JACK: Uh, good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

1741
01:10:44,657 --> 01:10:46,193
Can I get you started
with any appetizers...

1742
01:10:46,367 --> 01:10:47,357
Jack.

1743
01:10:48,536 --> 01:10:49,822
- What?
- JACK: Deanna.

1744
01:10:49,912 --> 01:10:51,153
(STAMMERS)

1745
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:53,864
You look stunning.

1746
01:10:54,041 --> 01:10:55,907
Oh, I don't know. (CHUCKLES)

1747
01:10:56,002 --> 01:10:57,413
Oh, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

1748
01:10:57,503 --> 01:10:59,085
- This is, uh, my mom.
- What?

1749
01:10:59,255 --> 01:11:00,996
Mom, this is who I was
telling you about. The girl.

1750
01:11:01,090 --> 01:11:02,422
- No.
- DEANNA: What?

1751
01:11:02,592 --> 01:11:04,879
- No! No!
- What am I hearing?

1752
01:11:05,052 --> 01:11:06,042
What's happening?

1753
01:11:06,220 --> 01:11:08,212
Jack, you told me
you were seeing

1754
01:11:08,306 --> 01:11:10,764
a college girl named Dee Dee.

1755
01:11:10,933 --> 01:11:13,141
Yeah, she came
to the frat house

1756
01:11:13,227 --> 01:11:14,388
and we met at a party.

1757
01:11:14,687 --> 01:11:17,395
- (LAUGHING)
- That's not what you meant.

1758
01:11:17,482 --> 01:11:19,348
CHRISTINE: (LAUGHING)
Oh, gosh!

1759
01:11:19,525 --> 01:11:21,892
- She had sex with your son!
- Oh.

1760
01:11:22,069 --> 01:11:24,482
She had sex with your son
and she called me right after.

1761
01:11:24,655 --> 01:11:26,396
Because we are friends!

1762
01:11:26,574 --> 01:11:28,657
Oh, my goodness!

1763
01:11:28,826 --> 01:11:31,785
Everybody, she slept
with her son in a library.

1764
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:33,533
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

1765
01:11:33,623 --> 01:11:35,489
(DEANNA SHUSHING)

1766
01:11:35,583 --> 01:11:37,916
This is the greatest thing
I've ever been a part of.

1767
01:11:38,002 --> 01:11:39,163
- Cheers.
- MARCIE: I get it.

1768
01:11:39,337 --> 01:11:41,829
It's just a cruel joke.
It's cruel, and you're right.

1769
01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:43,087
You know what?
I might deserve it.

1770
01:11:43,174 --> 01:11:45,006
I've been rough on you,
but come on,

1771
01:11:45,176 --> 01:11:49,011
seriously, did you have
intercourse with my son?

1772
01:11:49,096 --> 01:11:51,133
- Oh. Did you?
- (LAUGHING)

1773
01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:57,136
I mean, in terms of, you know,
your question of like,

1774
01:11:57,313 --> 01:11:59,555
did anything
happen between us?

1775
01:11:59,649 --> 01:12:00,935
Have we slept together?

1776
01:12:01,025 --> 01:12:02,766
- CHRISTINE: Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah.

1777
01:12:02,944 --> 01:12:04,276
Yeah, we have.

1778
01:12:04,445 --> 01:12:06,732
And I rocked his world.

1779
01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:08,689
- Oh, my God!
- Come on.

1780
01:12:09,242 --> 01:12:11,484
- Well, best night of my life.
- (FRANK LAUGHS)

1781
01:12:12,036 --> 01:12:13,527
I'll drink to that.

1782
01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:16,780
All right. Bye, Jack.

1783
01:12:17,667 --> 01:12:18,908
(CHRISTINE WHOOPS)

1784
01:12:19,168 --> 01:12:22,536
That's my girl.
That's my lady.

1785
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:25,505
Nice to finally
meet you, Jack.

1786
01:12:25,842 --> 01:12:27,424
I love you!

1787
01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:29,710
I love you. You're my hero!

1788
01:12:30,471 --> 01:12:31,507
Whoo!

1789
01:12:31,597 --> 01:12:34,214
(STAMMERS) I'm gonna
check on Dee Dee.

1790
01:12:38,354 --> 01:12:39,936
HELEN: Dee Rock!
AMANDA: Dee!

1791
01:12:40,106 --> 01:12:42,063
Dee, where are you?
Oh, there she is!

1792
01:12:42,233 --> 01:12:43,314
AMANDA: Hi! How are you?

1793
01:12:43,401 --> 01:12:44,391
DEBBIE: I heard you had
sex in here!

1794
01:12:44,485 --> 01:12:46,021
- So good to see you.
- DEANNA: Oh, my God, you guys.

1795
01:12:46,112 --> 01:12:47,944
Shh! What are you doing here?

1796
01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,650
We're here to get you
out of here.

1797
01:12:49,824 --> 01:12:51,031
No. Why?

1798
01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:52,532
Because your ding-dong
of an ex-husband's

1799
01:12:52,618 --> 01:12:53,608
getting married tonight.

1800
01:12:53,786 --> 01:12:55,027
HELEN: You were really here
for our girl

1801
01:12:55,121 --> 01:12:56,111
when she was freaking out.

1802
01:12:56,289 --> 01:12:57,780
You've been there
for all of us.

1803
01:12:57,957 --> 01:12:59,368
Let us be there for you.

1804
01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:01,329
My friend, Lance,
who I was in a coma with,

1805
01:13:01,502 --> 01:13:02,618
is having a gathering
this evening.

1806
01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:05,082
His place is kind of a dump,
but it'll be fun!

1807
01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:07,623
No, you know what?
I'm pretty much partied out.

1808
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,712
I just wanna stay in
for the night

1809
01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:10,922
- and hit the books.
- Please!

1810
01:13:11,095 --> 01:13:13,212
I'm sorry, Dee. I'm sorry.
I'm not taking this.

1811
01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:14,505
You should not
be alone tonight. So...

1812
01:13:15,016 --> 01:13:16,006
No!

1813
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:17,261
I'm afraid you don't
have an option.

1814
01:13:17,435 --> 01:13:18,846
HELEN: Yeah, this is not
like those other parties.

1815
01:13:19,020 --> 01:13:20,306
It's jazz night!

1816
01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:22,520
Okay. You know what?

1817
01:13:22,690 --> 01:13:24,807
You're right.
I stay here any longer

1818
01:13:24,984 --> 01:13:26,691
I'm just gonna keep thinking
about that wedding.

1819
01:13:26,861 --> 01:13:29,478
Yeah, she's probably
getting her dress on.

1820
01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,567
Hair and makeup,
going over her vows.

1821
01:13:31,741 --> 01:13:33,983
Okay, you know what?
Let's just go.

1822
01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:36,033
(GIRLS CHEERING)

1823
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:37,281
No! No.

1824
01:13:38,372 --> 01:13:42,707
Oh. You know, Lance,
I have to say,

1825
01:13:42,835 --> 01:13:44,201
you have a lovely home here.

1826
01:13:44,378 --> 01:13:46,119
Are you sure
tonight is a party?

1827
01:13:46,297 --> 01:13:48,584
Sorry. Lance, what's going on?
Where is everybody?

1828
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:50,124
- You promised me a jazz party.
- I know.

1829
01:13:50,301 --> 01:13:51,633
You got people doing
role-playing games.

1830
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:53,134
Tuesday night is jazz.

1831
01:13:53,220 --> 01:13:54,210
Thursday night
is role-playing.

1832
01:13:54,764 --> 01:13:56,130
I know. I know. It's my bad.

1833
01:13:56,307 --> 01:13:57,423
I tried to combine them

1834
01:13:57,516 --> 01:13:59,132
and I'm regretting
that choice now

1835
01:13:59,310 --> 01:14:00,676
because I feel like
I'm losing the jazz crowd,

1836
01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:02,560
and I've also lost
the role-playing crowd.

1837
01:14:02,647 --> 01:14:04,604
Ugh. Taking a ding
on both sides.

1838
01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:06,356
Yeah, it's like
a double loss, really.

1839
01:14:06,525 --> 01:14:08,312
DEANNA: You know what?
I'm having a wonderful time,

1840
01:14:08,486 --> 01:14:11,024
and I have to say... Uh-oh.

1841
01:14:11,113 --> 01:14:14,322
I cannot stay
out of this unbelievable...

1842
01:14:14,492 --> 01:14:16,859
You are quite
a gifted chocolatier.

1843
01:14:17,244 --> 01:14:18,655
They're really good.

1844
01:14:18,829 --> 01:14:19,819
I don't usually
like chocolate.

1845
01:14:19,997 --> 01:14:21,238
I just started eating
because I was nervous,

1846
01:14:21,332 --> 01:14:22,743
but it's really good.

1847
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:24,124
Um, it is a weed bark.

1848
01:14:24,293 --> 01:14:27,206
So, maybe, I would probably
hold off from having any more.

1849
01:14:28,130 --> 01:14:29,462
- Just 'cause, um...
- What is it?

1850
01:14:29,632 --> 01:14:31,498
LANCE: I have a medicinal
marijuana card,

1851
01:14:31,676 --> 01:14:33,588
uh, for early-onset glaucoma.

1852
01:14:34,512 --> 01:14:36,094
- No.
- Yeah.

1853
01:14:36,263 --> 01:14:38,220
- No, it's not.
- Oh, it most certainly is.

1854
01:14:38,391 --> 01:14:40,223
Lance, damn it! Why'd you
put out chocolate weed bark?

1855
01:14:40,393 --> 01:14:41,850
You gotta label that.

1856
01:14:42,019 --> 01:14:43,476
I am so sorry. It is...

1857
01:14:43,646 --> 01:14:46,730
I've had 14,
I've eaten a lot of bark.

1858
01:14:46,899 --> 01:14:48,356
I've eaten a lot of bark, too.

1859
01:14:48,442 --> 01:14:50,354
- So much bark.
- AMANDA: So much bark.

1860
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:52,986
I just wanted to hear
some Miles Davis, you know.

1861
01:14:53,155 --> 01:14:54,271
I'm sorry.

1862
01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:56,565
Is that it?

1863
01:14:56,659 --> 01:14:59,026
Because I'm starting to feel
a little fungly.

1864
01:14:59,203 --> 01:15:00,910
LANCE: Yeah, it's pretty
powerful stuff.

1865
01:15:01,080 --> 01:15:03,868
Fungly. Fungle.
Fungly. Fungus.

1866
01:15:04,250 --> 01:15:06,412
You have such pretty eyes.

1867
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,494
(HELEN MUMBLING)

1868
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:09,748
Thank you.

1869
01:15:09,839 --> 01:15:10,875
(CHUCKLES)

1870
01:15:12,675 --> 01:15:14,712
My tongue is so big.

1871
01:15:14,802 --> 01:15:16,634
(LAUGHING)

1872
01:15:16,721 --> 01:15:18,462
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

1873
01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:22,599
(SINGING) <i>The final countdown</i>

1874
01:15:22,893 --> 01:15:25,180
That was recognizable.

1875
01:15:25,354 --> 01:15:26,890
DEANNA: Really good jam.

1876
01:15:27,523 --> 01:15:28,855
- Can I get in here?
- Please.

1877
01:15:29,025 --> 01:15:30,311
Oh, it's so comfy.

1878
01:15:30,484 --> 01:15:32,100
DEANNA: Okay, wait.

1879
01:15:32,278 --> 01:15:33,940
I was thinking
about something

1880
01:15:34,113 --> 01:15:36,947
and if I do marry Jack...

1881
01:15:37,116 --> 01:15:38,698
No! Just listen. Wait.

1882
01:15:38,868 --> 01:15:42,077
That would make
Marcie my stepmom,

1883
01:15:42,246 --> 01:15:45,535
and that would make
Dan my new stepdad.

1884
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:47,540
And then I would
have to say things like,

1885
01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:50,578
"Nuh-uh, Dan.
You're not my real dad.

1886
01:15:50,755 --> 01:15:52,291
"You can't tell me what to do.

1887
01:15:52,465 --> 01:15:55,754
"Give me the car!" (LAUGHS)

1888
01:15:55,843 --> 01:15:58,176
Or, wait a minute,

1889
01:15:58,345 --> 01:16:00,632
- or I could flip it.
- Mmm.

1890
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:02,385
And I could make
peace with Dan.

1891
01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:04,470
What a great
teaching lesson

1892
01:16:04,643 --> 01:16:06,384
that would be for Maddie,

1893
01:16:06,562 --> 01:16:09,851
to see forgiveness and
truly being the better person.

1894
01:16:10,024 --> 01:16:12,016
- That's better.
- You're so smart.

1895
01:16:12,193 --> 01:16:14,401
We gotta go
to that wedding. (GRUNTS)

1896
01:16:15,071 --> 01:16:16,232
Are we doing it?

1897
01:16:16,405 --> 01:16:18,397
Oh, my God. We're doing it.

1898
01:16:21,243 --> 01:16:23,109
MARCIE: Dan, when I first
saw you,

1899
01:16:23,287 --> 01:16:27,952
I thought the curb appeal
wasn't great. (CHUCKLES)

1900
01:16:28,042 --> 01:16:29,999
The layout was a bit dated

1901
01:16:30,169 --> 01:16:33,128
and the kitchen a little small
for my liking.

1902
01:16:33,547 --> 01:16:35,288
Dee Rock, good for you.

1903
01:16:35,382 --> 01:16:36,589
You're being
the better person.

1904
01:16:36,759 --> 01:16:38,170
Thank you.
That's the whole plan.

1905
01:16:38,344 --> 01:16:40,552
I'm gonna see Dan,
I'm gonna shake his hand,

1906
01:16:40,721 --> 01:16:43,304
I'm gonna extend
an olive branch to him...

1907
01:16:43,474 --> 01:16:44,464
What?

1908
01:16:44,642 --> 01:16:47,680
He's taking her name!

1909
01:16:47,770 --> 01:16:48,977
(STAMMERS)

1910
01:16:49,063 --> 01:16:51,305
Men don't do that.

1911
01:16:51,482 --> 01:16:54,725
I tried to do that
and he told me it was silly.

1912
01:16:55,152 --> 01:16:56,188
(EXHALES)

1913
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,861
That is a very
alarming picture.

1914
01:16:59,865 --> 01:17:02,107
Hey! I think that's...

1915
01:17:02,284 --> 01:17:04,571
- Is that a shot at me?
- HELEN: Uh, yeah.

1916
01:17:04,662 --> 01:17:05,948
- AMANDA: I think so.
- Hmm.

1917
01:17:06,664 --> 01:17:08,155
(ALL LAUGHING)

1918
01:17:14,338 --> 01:17:17,251
DEANNA: You know what? Dan
just lost his olive branch.

1919
01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:21,008
(LAUGHING)

1920
01:17:22,555 --> 01:17:24,547
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

1921
01:18:11,395 --> 01:18:13,227
One second. One second.

1922
01:18:13,314 --> 01:18:14,725
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (GRUNTS)

1923
01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:18,103
Deanna, what the hell
is wrong with you?

1924
01:18:18,277 --> 01:18:19,734
DEBBIE: Oh, my God!

1925
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:21,486
Oh, my God.

1926
01:18:22,281 --> 01:18:24,648
Hey, Dan.

1927
01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:28,068
Marcie...

1928
01:18:29,079 --> 01:18:31,162
You're a big
<i>Beetlejuice</i> fan, huh?

1929
01:18:31,332 --> 01:18:32,664
Mom!

1930
01:18:33,209 --> 01:18:34,575
Hey, honey.

1931
01:18:34,668 --> 01:18:35,954
That's, uh...

1932
01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:40,960
I think we may have, um,
just gotten slightly...

1933
01:18:41,050 --> 01:18:45,340
You know, I think if we all
kind of work together,

1934
01:18:45,512 --> 01:18:47,970
we can have this shipshape

1935
01:18:48,140 --> 01:18:50,883
and you won't even know,
or it will be better.

1936
01:18:51,060 --> 01:18:52,892
Mom, why did you do this?

1937
01:18:52,978 --> 01:18:54,890
Um... You know... (STAMMERS)

1938
01:18:54,980 --> 01:18:57,188
It's a great, uh, question.

1939
01:18:57,358 --> 01:18:59,645
I mean,
I actually came here

1940
01:18:59,818 --> 01:19:02,686
fully with the intention
of offering an olive branch.

1941
01:19:02,863 --> 01:19:04,855
Then I don't know
if it was the crazy

1942
01:19:04,949 --> 01:19:06,861
wedding propaganda
in the hallway,

1943
01:19:08,744 --> 01:19:10,701
or was it the bark high
that I'm on.

1944
01:19:10,871 --> 01:19:13,579
Shut up.
You are, as of this moment,

1945
01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,661
completely financially
cut off.

1946
01:19:16,085 --> 01:19:18,919
- What?
- Not one more penny for you.

1947
01:19:19,380 --> 01:19:20,962
- Dad.
- Shh.

1948
01:19:21,966 --> 01:19:24,504
Would it help if I just...
You know...

1949
01:19:25,261 --> 01:19:26,752
You did a good job.

1950
01:19:26,929 --> 01:19:28,090
It looks good.

1951
01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:30,506
- It did. It did look good.
- It was pretty.

1952
01:19:30,683 --> 01:19:32,424
I think you all should leave.

1953
01:19:32,601 --> 01:19:34,718
- Okay.
- (MOUTHING) Sorry.

1954
01:19:38,732 --> 01:19:40,598
The other way. Oh.

1955
01:19:46,490 --> 01:19:48,197
Get out!

1956
01:19:48,867 --> 01:19:50,233
Thank you.

1957
01:19:51,120 --> 01:19:53,032
The cake was really good.

1958
01:19:53,455 --> 01:19:55,242
Oh, you got a blender.

1959
01:19:57,459 --> 01:19:58,916
(SIGHS)

1960
01:20:02,548 --> 01:20:03,584
(SIGHS)

1961
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:09,590
Hey! Look!
I got your favorite.

1962
01:20:10,931 --> 01:20:12,843
You haven't been returning
any of my calls.

1963
01:20:13,017 --> 01:20:14,258
Yeah, I've been pretty busy

1964
01:20:14,435 --> 01:20:16,677
destroying hotel banquet rooms
and crashing weddings.

1965
01:20:16,854 --> 01:20:18,561
Okay. I get you're upset.

1966
01:20:18,731 --> 01:20:20,643
No, Mom. I don't think you do.

1967
01:20:21,317 --> 01:20:22,899
Is this why
you went back to college?

1968
01:20:22,985 --> 01:20:24,692
So you could act like
some dumb frat guy?

1969
01:20:24,862 --> 01:20:27,149
Because I actually thought
you wanted to learn something.

1970
01:20:27,364 --> 01:20:28,855
But you've just been
getting stoned

1971
01:20:28,949 --> 01:20:30,565
and sleeping with guys
half your age.

1972
01:20:30,743 --> 01:20:33,577
Okay, Jack is not half my age.

1973
01:20:33,746 --> 01:20:36,659
Oh, my God, I think
he's less than half my age.

1974
01:20:36,832 --> 01:20:39,825
Okay, I hear you
and you're right.

1975
01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:41,994
Which is why
I'm leaving school.

1976
01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:43,332
What?

1977
01:20:44,173 --> 01:20:46,415
I'm gonna
drop out of school, honey.

1978
01:20:47,134 --> 01:20:48,716
You know it wasn't that easy
for me

1979
01:20:48,802 --> 01:20:50,088
getting used to
you being here.

1980
01:20:50,262 --> 01:20:52,629
And now I actually did
and you're just giving up?

1981
01:20:52,806 --> 01:20:53,796
You always said that

1982
01:20:53,891 --> 01:20:55,132
the one thing you regret
most in your life

1983
01:20:55,309 --> 01:20:56,766
is not finishing school,

1984
01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:58,551
and now you're gonna
do it again?

1985
01:20:58,729 --> 01:21:00,345
You know what I regret?

1986
01:21:00,522 --> 01:21:02,058
I regret that
when you look back

1987
01:21:02,149 --> 01:21:03,435
on your senior year
of college,

1988
01:21:03,609 --> 01:21:04,599
all you're gonna think about

1989
01:21:04,693 --> 01:21:07,026
is your mom's
crazy midlife crisis.

1990
01:21:07,196 --> 01:21:08,482
That's what I regret.

1991
01:21:08,655 --> 01:21:09,896
The worst part is
I don't think I was

1992
01:21:09,990 --> 01:21:12,528
being a very good mom
to you lately.

1993
01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:15,535
And I'm so sorry about that.

1994
01:21:15,704 --> 01:21:16,865
No, it's okay.

1995
01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:18,871
It's not okay, actually.

1996
01:21:19,041 --> 01:21:21,875
Not one bit. Not with me,
shouldn't be with you.

1997
01:21:22,628 --> 01:21:24,665
And I'm gonna do better.

1998
01:21:24,838 --> 01:21:26,921
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, too.

1999
01:21:27,633 --> 01:21:28,999
You're so great.

2000
01:21:29,176 --> 01:21:31,042
- What are we gonna do?
- Well...

2001
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:33,336
You can start
by drinking that.

2002
01:21:33,514 --> 01:21:36,757
Let's go round up the girls
and tell them all about it.

2003
01:21:38,394 --> 01:21:40,727
I don't get it.
Why are you leaving school?

2004
01:21:40,896 --> 01:21:44,981
Well, I'm in a bit of a tricky
position, financially.

2005
01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:47,517
So, for right now,

2006
01:21:47,611 --> 01:21:49,819
I can't cover
my tuition and it's over.

2007
01:21:49,988 --> 01:21:51,354
It's never over!

2008
01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:53,444
Was it over
when I fell into a coma?

2009
01:21:53,617 --> 01:21:55,324
Well, for eight years, it was.

2010
01:21:55,494 --> 01:21:57,235
That's an awesome point,
Amanda.

2011
01:21:57,413 --> 01:21:59,575
But now I'm back
and I'm kicking ass.

2012
01:21:59,665 --> 01:22:00,655
Just like Dee Rock here.

2013
01:22:00,833 --> 01:22:03,871
She's gonna kick ass
and graduate and get a job

2014
01:22:04,044 --> 01:22:05,501
and become
the next Indiana Jones.

2015
01:22:07,089 --> 01:22:08,830
- DEANNA: Come here.
- Please don't go.

2016
01:22:10,551 --> 01:22:11,541
You guys, we can't let this

2017
01:22:11,635 --> 01:22:12,876
happen to my mom
a second time.

2018
01:22:13,053 --> 01:22:15,261
She deserves to graduate.
We gotta help her.

2019
01:22:15,347 --> 01:22:16,963
Okay. In order to finish,

2020
01:22:17,057 --> 01:22:18,889
Dee Rock needs
in the neighborhood of...

2021
01:22:19,059 --> 01:22:20,891
No, it's almost $12,000.

2022
01:22:21,061 --> 01:22:22,051
Oh, my God!

2023
01:22:22,146 --> 01:22:23,182
I don't have
that kind of money.

2024
01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:24,891
You know what?
This isn't your problem

2025
01:22:24,982 --> 01:22:27,190
to solve, ladies.
You can let this go!

2026
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:28,395
Can I say something?

2027
01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:29,980
ALL: Yes, Debbie, just say it.

2028
01:22:31,780 --> 01:22:33,487
Okay, we throw a party
to raise money

2029
01:22:33,574 --> 01:22:34,781
to keep Glenn in school.

2030
01:22:34,950 --> 01:22:37,237
Deb, we can't raise that much
money from a party.

2031
01:22:37,411 --> 01:22:39,323
We don't throw just any party.

2032
01:22:39,496 --> 01:22:42,284
We throw the best party
this school has ever seen.

2033
01:22:42,458 --> 01:22:44,916
HELEN: If we charge
$40 a head...

2034
01:22:45,294 --> 01:22:47,411
- A thousand students...
- Okay.

2035
01:22:47,588 --> 01:22:51,878
That is $4,000.

2036
01:22:52,342 --> 01:22:55,460
- No, it's not.
- No. That's $40,000.

2037
01:22:55,637 --> 01:22:57,253
What? Done!

2038
01:22:57,431 --> 01:22:59,593
A bunch of kids
are not gonna pay $40

2039
01:22:59,683 --> 01:23:02,050
to keep some divorcée
in college.

2040
01:23:02,227 --> 01:23:03,843
No, but they might pay 20.

2041
01:23:04,021 --> 01:23:05,728
Which is $200,000.

2042
01:23:05,898 --> 01:23:08,140
No, $20,000.

2043
01:23:08,317 --> 01:23:09,558
- Helen, come on.
- No, honey.

2044
01:23:09,735 --> 01:23:11,317
MADDIE: But that's way more
money than we need

2045
01:23:11,403 --> 01:23:12,610
to keep Mom in school.

2046
01:23:12,779 --> 01:23:13,940
What do you say, Mom?

2047
01:23:14,114 --> 01:23:15,696
- Come on, Glenn.
- Please.

2048
01:23:17,951 --> 01:23:20,364
I say you ladies
are pretty remarkable.

2049
01:23:20,537 --> 01:23:21,948
I mean, to be this age,

2050
01:23:22,122 --> 01:23:25,206
and to have your whole world
turned upside down,

2051
01:23:25,375 --> 01:23:27,913
and to come out with friends
like you on the other side

2052
01:23:28,086 --> 01:23:30,624
is quite a thing. Really.

2053
01:23:30,797 --> 01:23:32,754
I'm proud to be your sister.

2054
01:23:32,925 --> 01:23:35,588
I'm so proud to be your mom,
and I'm proud of you.

2055
01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,127
I'm proud of you.

2056
01:23:38,555 --> 01:23:42,799
And I'm so worried about
the math skills in this room.

2057
01:23:43,393 --> 01:23:44,884
I don't mean
to single you out,

2058
01:23:45,062 --> 01:23:48,351
but Helen, I'm staring
right down the barrel at you.

2059
01:23:49,107 --> 01:23:50,314
(DEANNA SIGHS)

2060
01:23:50,400 --> 01:23:52,141
And I'm starting to think
that maybe

2061
01:23:52,236 --> 01:23:54,649
this party plan
just might work!

2062
01:23:55,322 --> 01:23:56,483
Come on, Mom.

2063
01:23:56,657 --> 01:23:57,943
No! I don't know!

2064
01:23:58,116 --> 01:23:59,857
All right, I'm down to clown!

2065
01:23:59,952 --> 01:24:01,784
(ALL CHEERING)

2066
01:24:02,579 --> 01:24:05,572
This is going to be epic!

2067
01:24:05,666 --> 01:24:07,498
(ALL CONTINUE CHEERING)

2068
01:24:10,629 --> 01:24:12,871
No one wants to show up first
to a party.

2069
01:24:13,048 --> 01:24:15,791
I'm sure lots of people
are gonna come.

2070
01:24:16,176 --> 01:24:18,589
Guess everyone's at the
Christina Aguilera concert.

2071
01:24:18,762 --> 01:24:21,049
- What? That's tonight?
- DEBBIE: Yeah.

2072
01:24:21,223 --> 01:24:23,135
Oh, my God.
We don't stand a chance.

2073
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:25,182
All right, ladies,

2074
01:24:25,352 --> 01:24:27,139
we gotta do something drastic.

2075
01:24:27,854 --> 01:24:30,437
Because this is not working.

2076
01:24:30,691 --> 01:24:33,604
DEANNA: I don't wanna be
a negative Nelly,

2077
01:24:33,777 --> 01:24:35,814
but that is a tough pic, guys.

2078
01:24:35,988 --> 01:24:37,900
MADDIE: You look happy
and scared.

2079
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:39,939
DEANNA: I do, don't I? Oh.

2080
01:24:40,117 --> 01:24:41,528
- All right.
- DEANNA: I like it.

2081
01:24:41,702 --> 01:24:43,068
Screw this.
Give me your phone.

2082
01:24:43,245 --> 01:24:44,827
Why? What do you want?

2083
01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:47,865
I'm gonna tweet out
a juicier carrot.

2084
01:24:51,086 --> 01:24:52,918
- Maddie!
- You're crazy.

2085
01:24:53,088 --> 01:24:54,624
What is it? What did you do?

2086
01:24:54,798 --> 01:24:57,290
I just tweeted to Helen's
three million followers

2087
01:24:57,467 --> 01:24:59,174
that Christina Aguilera
is gonna come

2088
01:24:59,261 --> 01:25:01,048
to the party
after her concert tonight.

2089
01:25:01,221 --> 01:25:04,180
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

2090
01:25:04,349 --> 01:25:05,931
I love Christina Aguilera!

2091
01:25:06,101 --> 01:25:08,263
She's the only person
I ever had a poster of.

2092
01:25:08,812 --> 01:25:10,678
She's not actually coming,
Debbie.

2093
01:25:10,856 --> 01:25:12,438
But nobody needs to know that.

2094
01:25:12,608 --> 01:25:14,691
How do you have
three million followers?

2095
01:25:14,776 --> 01:25:17,484
Oh. Coma Girl.
I'm a medical mystery.

2096
01:25:17,654 --> 01:25:19,941
Now, Maddie, I don't know.

2097
01:25:20,782 --> 01:25:23,695
There's a real fibbing element
to that that I don't like.

2098
01:25:25,996 --> 01:25:27,362
Do you think it'll work?

2099
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:29,372
I believed it.

2100
01:25:31,460 --> 01:25:33,952
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

2101
01:25:34,046 --> 01:25:35,912
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

2102
01:25:36,006 --> 01:25:37,747
I think
it's definitely working.

2103
01:25:37,924 --> 01:25:39,290
Hell yeah, it is.

2104
01:25:40,344 --> 01:25:42,336
Hey, here you go. Have fun!

2105
01:25:42,638 --> 01:25:44,004
Thanks for posting
about Christina.

2106
01:25:44,097 --> 01:25:45,087
I couldn't get tickets.

2107
01:25:45,265 --> 01:25:47,006
- Coma Girl rules.
- Oh. Thank you!

2108
01:25:47,184 --> 01:25:48,300
All right.

2109
01:25:48,477 --> 01:25:49,467
Thank you.

2110
01:25:49,645 --> 01:25:50,977
It's amazing.

2111
01:25:51,146 --> 01:25:52,478
I'm tired of doing this.

2112
01:25:52,648 --> 01:25:54,139
No, Helen, we can't all...

2113
01:25:54,232 --> 01:25:55,473
GIRL: Hey! When's Christina
getting here?

2114
01:25:55,651 --> 01:25:56,812
- Guys...
- Yeah.

2115
01:25:56,985 --> 01:25:57,975
Christina's coming.

2116
01:25:58,070 --> 01:25:59,356
She's the voice
of our generation.

2117
01:25:59,821 --> 01:26:01,483
- DEANNA: True.
- We can wait for her.

2118
01:26:05,994 --> 01:26:07,530
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

2119
01:26:08,914 --> 01:26:10,030
Mmm!

2120
01:26:10,123 --> 01:26:11,785
- Oh, it's good!
- Not bad!

2121
01:26:11,958 --> 01:26:13,369
- Yeah.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

2122
01:26:14,086 --> 01:26:16,123
Do you wanna meet
in the garage in 20 minutes?

2123
01:26:16,296 --> 01:26:18,458
- Yes, I do.
- Yes, you would.

2124
01:26:18,924 --> 01:26:20,460
No! No. No.

2125
01:26:21,176 --> 01:26:23,714
God, make better choices.
Um...

2126
01:26:23,804 --> 01:26:25,761
Hey, come on back.

2127
01:26:25,931 --> 01:26:28,048
That popped
right out of my mouth

2128
01:26:28,141 --> 01:26:29,473
when actually
I meant to say,

2129
01:26:29,643 --> 01:26:31,100
we're not gonna do that.

2130
01:26:31,645 --> 01:26:33,932
(STAMMERS) You don't like
the wine, huh?

2131
01:26:35,273 --> 01:26:37,686
No, the wine is great

2132
01:26:38,985 --> 01:26:40,442
and you're great and...

2133
01:26:41,363 --> 01:26:44,401
I just think when you meet
the right person,

2134
01:26:44,574 --> 01:26:46,031
which is not me,

2135
01:26:46,535 --> 01:26:49,073
and she's gonna be really,
really lucky,

2136
01:26:49,246 --> 01:26:52,284
but I think that we're...

2137
01:26:52,457 --> 01:26:55,370
Yeah, we should just really be
good friends.

2138
01:26:55,544 --> 01:26:57,786
I don't think I can get
on board with this, Dee.

2139
01:26:57,963 --> 01:27:00,171
Well, I think
it's for the best.

2140
01:27:00,882 --> 01:27:01,998
- Okay.
- Okay?

2141
01:27:02,175 --> 01:27:03,165
Yeah, if you say so.

2142
01:27:03,760 --> 01:27:07,094
- Hey, Mom, look who's here!
- Hi!

2143
01:27:07,264 --> 01:27:09,347
Hi, what are you doing here?

2144
01:27:09,516 --> 01:27:11,849
Well, I started following
Coma Girl on Twitter

2145
01:27:12,018 --> 01:27:13,805
and I came to see...

2146
01:27:14,563 --> 01:27:16,145
Xtina!

2147
01:27:16,231 --> 01:27:17,642
(LAUGHING)

2148
01:27:18,024 --> 01:27:20,892
Oh, hi, Jack. I'm Christine.

2149
01:27:21,069 --> 01:27:22,310
We met at the restaurant.

2150
01:27:22,487 --> 01:27:25,321
Yeah, hi. I remember you both.

2151
01:27:25,490 --> 01:27:26,480
My man.

2152
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:30,117
God, I just wanna go back
to college so bad.

2153
01:27:30,287 --> 01:27:32,574
Okay, just, go back to Frank.
Go back to Frank.

2154
01:27:32,664 --> 01:27:35,031
Hey, hey! We're here. (LAUGHS)

2155
01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:37,617
Oh, my God!
What are they doing here?

2156
01:27:37,794 --> 01:27:39,751
I don't wanna be at a party
with my mom and dad.

2157
01:27:39,921 --> 01:27:42,083
Yeah, that must be
so weird for you, Mom.

2158
01:27:42,716 --> 01:27:45,208
- Mom. Hi.
- Sweetheart!

2159
01:27:45,886 --> 01:27:47,548
Hi. Hey, Dad.

2160
01:27:47,721 --> 01:27:49,462
SANDY: We heard
you were having a party.

2161
01:27:49,556 --> 01:27:51,047
So I made a taco salad.

2162
01:27:51,224 --> 01:27:52,635
Yeah, I told her
a bunch of kids

2163
01:27:52,726 --> 01:27:53,933
don't want a taco salad.

2164
01:27:54,102 --> 01:27:55,764
I would love
to have some taco salad.

2165
01:27:55,854 --> 01:27:56,844
Please, yeah!

2166
01:27:57,022 --> 01:27:58,103
- I love taco salad.
- See, I told you!

2167
01:27:58,273 --> 01:27:59,434
Okay. All right.

2168
01:27:59,608 --> 01:28:00,644
Your... Your parents?

2169
01:28:00,817 --> 01:28:02,149
Uh, yeah.
This is my mom and dad,

2170
01:28:02,319 --> 01:28:03,685
Mike and Sandy.

2171
01:28:03,862 --> 01:28:04,978
- Yeah.
- Hello.

2172
01:28:05,906 --> 01:28:07,272
Wow! Um...

2173
01:28:07,699 --> 01:28:08,689
Wow!

2174
01:28:08,867 --> 01:28:10,824
A lovely, lovely couple.

2175
01:28:10,994 --> 01:28:12,951
It's such a pleasure
to meet you.

2176
01:28:13,121 --> 01:28:16,660
You've raised, I mean, wow!
What an incredible woman!

2177
01:28:17,042 --> 01:28:18,704
- SANDY: Uh...
- Sorry, I'm Jack Strong.

2178
01:28:18,877 --> 01:28:21,665
We've been seeing each other
for a little bit now. Um...

2179
01:28:21,838 --> 01:28:24,751
I guess we're kind of
on a break. Pretty recent.

2180
01:28:24,925 --> 01:28:26,962
But I want you both to know

2181
01:28:27,135 --> 01:28:29,548
that I'm gonna take
the best care

2182
01:28:29,638 --> 01:28:31,254
of your daughter that I can.

2183
01:28:31,431 --> 01:28:33,844
- She means the world to me.
- MIKE: Okay.

2184
01:28:34,768 --> 01:28:36,600
I have a gun, son.

2185
01:28:36,770 --> 01:28:38,056
- Okay. Okay.
- No.

2186
01:28:38,230 --> 01:28:39,346
We're just gonna walk off.

2187
01:28:39,523 --> 01:28:41,310
- Are you kidding me?
- No.

2188
01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:44,442
Taco salad train.
Choo-choo!

2189
01:28:48,657 --> 01:28:50,774
Hey, where's
Christina Aguilera?

2190
01:28:50,951 --> 01:28:52,442
This is false advertising!

2191
01:28:52,953 --> 01:28:54,285
AMANDA: Guys,
she's coming, okay?

2192
01:28:54,454 --> 01:28:55,945
DEBBIE: Yeah, she's gonna
be here soon.

2193
01:28:56,122 --> 01:28:59,206
Hey, uh. I saw your tweet.

2194
01:28:59,376 --> 01:29:00,912
Where's Xtina?

2195
01:29:01,086 --> 01:29:02,873
She's not gonna show up,
is she? (SCOFFS)

2196
01:29:03,421 --> 01:29:04,537
You guys suck!

2197
01:29:04,714 --> 01:29:06,626
If Christina
doesn't show soon...

2198
01:29:07,259 --> 01:29:08,249
CROWD: Ooh.

2199
01:29:08,426 --> 01:29:09,917
I'm gonna put your ass
in another coma.

2200
01:29:11,179 --> 01:29:12,590
Count of three, bitch.

2201
01:29:12,764 --> 01:29:14,426
One, two...

2202
01:29:14,891 --> 01:29:16,007
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)

2203
01:29:16,101 --> 01:29:17,217
(ALL GASP)

2204
01:29:19,271 --> 01:29:21,263
(BOTH STRUGGLING)

2205
01:29:21,356 --> 01:29:23,018
(SCREAMING)

2206
01:29:23,108 --> 01:29:25,566
Look, honey, we love you.

2207
01:29:25,735 --> 01:29:27,397
We want you to graduate.

2208
01:29:27,571 --> 01:29:29,403
This is for you.

2209
01:29:30,615 --> 01:29:32,197
DEANNA: What is...
MADDIE: Oh, my God!

2210
01:29:32,742 --> 01:29:34,608
- No. No.
- Yep.

2211
01:29:34,786 --> 01:29:36,698
I love you so much,
but I'm not gonna let you

2212
01:29:36,872 --> 01:29:38,454
take apart
your 401 K for this.

2213
01:29:38,623 --> 01:29:39,864
I got this.

2214
01:29:40,041 --> 01:29:41,498
- Honey, come on...
- (DOOR BANGS OPEN)

2215
01:29:41,585 --> 01:29:42,575
(ALL GASPING)

2216
01:29:43,795 --> 01:29:45,331
- Hey! Hey!
- Hey!

2217
01:29:46,840 --> 01:29:47,876
HELEN: Eat gluten!

2218
01:29:47,966 --> 01:29:49,047
I ain't allowed
to have gluten!

2219
01:29:49,217 --> 01:29:50,333
Oh, my God!

2220
01:29:50,510 --> 01:29:51,842
Frank, do something!

2221
01:29:52,012 --> 01:29:54,095
- What am I gonna do?
- I don't know! Do something.

2222
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:55,505
Come on, girls!

2223
01:29:55,682 --> 01:29:57,469
Ladies! Hey!
Let's break it up!

2224
01:29:58,143 --> 01:30:00,009
- (ALL GASP)
- MIKE: Oh!

2225
01:30:00,103 --> 01:30:01,093
You!

2226
01:30:02,898 --> 01:30:04,139
(ALL GASPING)

2227
01:30:05,358 --> 01:30:08,351
(GROANS) Her skull
is so strong.

2228
01:30:08,528 --> 01:30:10,645
Oh, sweetheart,
you were so brave.

2229
01:30:10,822 --> 01:30:12,063
Oh, that's my brave man.

2230
01:30:12,240 --> 01:30:13,856
Come on, let's go make love
in the bathroom.

2231
01:30:14,034 --> 01:30:17,493
Okay. I can't see, so you'll
have to just lead me.

2232
01:30:17,662 --> 01:30:18,778
There we go.

2233
01:30:19,414 --> 01:30:21,827
No! Stop fighting, girls!

2234
01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:24,083
- Say night-night.
- No! No!

2235
01:30:24,169 --> 01:30:26,286
No!

2236
01:30:27,881 --> 01:30:29,292
(ALL GASP)

2237
01:30:29,382 --> 01:30:30,918
Oh, boy!

2238
01:30:31,092 --> 01:30:32,208
- Oh, my God, Mom!
- Dee Dee!

2239
01:30:32,302 --> 01:30:33,292
- Dee Dee!
- No, no, no!

2240
01:30:33,386 --> 01:30:35,503
- She got me in the biscuits!
- JENNIFER: Oh, my God!

2241
01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:36,921
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

2242
01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:38,513
You punched Dee Rock?

2243
01:30:38,600 --> 01:30:39,590
I'm gonna squish you
like a grape!

2244
01:30:39,768 --> 01:30:42,351
Guys, stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!

2245
01:30:42,520 --> 01:30:43,556
God!

2246
01:30:43,730 --> 01:30:46,438
Ladies, we have enough stuff
to worry about as women.

2247
01:30:46,608 --> 01:30:48,144
You shouldn't be
fighting each other.

2248
01:30:48,318 --> 01:30:49,559
I'm sorry, Dee Rock.

2249
01:30:49,736 --> 01:30:51,853
I'm sorry that I punched you
in the mom boob.

2250
01:30:52,030 --> 01:30:53,737
- Tell each other sorry.
- I'm sorry, Dee Rock.

2251
01:30:53,907 --> 01:30:55,398
Thank you. (SIGHS)

2252
01:30:56,242 --> 01:30:57,983
Would you care
for a Kahlúa and cranberry?

2253
01:30:58,536 --> 01:30:59,902
Ew! That...

2254
01:30:59,996 --> 01:31:01,908
I would do it.
I would do it. Yeah.

2255
01:31:02,832 --> 01:31:03,868
- Okay.
- Okay.

2256
01:31:04,042 --> 01:31:05,374
I want one.

2257
01:31:05,919 --> 01:31:07,376
Mom, are you okay?

2258
01:31:07,545 --> 01:31:09,286
She popped me
right in the bosom.

2259
01:31:09,464 --> 01:31:11,421
I really got T-boned.

2260
01:31:11,591 --> 01:31:13,378
- Oh, Mom.
- You know...

2261
01:31:13,468 --> 01:31:15,175
What am I doing here?

2262
01:31:15,845 --> 01:31:17,302
I'm lying to these kids.

2263
01:31:17,514 --> 01:31:18,800
I'm taking their money. I...

2264
01:31:19,641 --> 01:31:20,973
I got this.

2265
01:31:21,142 --> 01:31:23,099
Hey, everybody, you know what?

2266
01:31:23,269 --> 01:31:24,350
Party's over.

2267
01:31:24,521 --> 01:31:26,934
Head on back to the door.
We're gonna give you a refund.

2268
01:31:27,107 --> 01:31:29,144
Christina Aguilera
is in no way...

2269
01:31:29,317 --> 01:31:30,433
Hey, can I see you
for a second?

2270
01:31:30,527 --> 01:31:32,940
- (ALL GASP)
- God bless!

2271
01:31:34,239 --> 01:31:36,401
Leonor or Lenore,

2272
01:31:36,574 --> 01:31:38,281
you gotta stop doing that.

2273
01:31:38,660 --> 01:31:40,242
Can I see you for a second?

2274
01:31:40,412 --> 01:31:42,028
Now is not really a good time.

2275
01:31:42,205 --> 01:31:43,537
Outside! Now!

2276
01:31:43,707 --> 01:31:45,869
(QUIETLY) Don't make
eye contact.

2277
01:31:46,334 --> 01:31:49,327
Look at me.
Look me in my eyes.

2278
01:31:49,504 --> 01:31:51,336
- Look me in my eyes now.
- Debbie.

2279
01:31:51,506 --> 01:31:52,622
I'm scared.

2280
01:31:52,799 --> 01:31:54,836
Look. Look, look.

2281
01:31:55,010 --> 01:31:56,171
Come outside.

2282
01:31:56,344 --> 01:31:57,551
Let's go.

2283
01:31:57,721 --> 01:31:59,553
- If I'm going, you're going.
- AMANDA: I don't wanna go.

2284
01:31:59,639 --> 01:32:00,720
DEANNA: We're stronger
as a group.

2285
01:32:01,474 --> 01:32:03,431
DEANNA: (SIGHS) Leonor.

2286
01:32:05,186 --> 01:32:07,553
Leonor, what is going on?

2287
01:32:08,898 --> 01:32:09,888
(SIGHS)

2288
01:32:11,192 --> 01:32:12,933
Hey, guys. I'm Christina.

2289
01:32:13,319 --> 01:32:14,730
(ALL GASP)

2290
01:32:15,196 --> 01:32:16,403
DEANNA: Oh, my God!
DEBBIE: Oh, my God!

2291
01:32:16,573 --> 01:32:17,734
I love you.
I love you so much!

2292
01:32:17,907 --> 01:32:18,897
I love you, too.

2293
01:32:19,075 --> 01:32:20,486
How... How is this happening?

2294
01:32:20,660 --> 01:32:22,572
LEONOR: I knew she wasn't
playing at your party

2295
01:32:22,746 --> 01:32:24,453
because Christina's my cousin.

2296
01:32:24,539 --> 01:32:26,952
Oh. We're more like sisters.

2297
01:32:27,125 --> 01:32:29,287
LEONOR: She always says that,
but we're just cousins.

2298
01:32:29,461 --> 01:32:30,622
Isn't she so funny?

2299
01:32:31,087 --> 01:32:33,374
That's what I'm always
saying to you.

2300
01:32:33,548 --> 01:32:35,414
I'm always saying
you're so funny.

2301
01:32:35,592 --> 01:32:37,049
I just can't
kind of figure out

2302
01:32:37,135 --> 01:32:38,626
why you're doing this.

2303
01:32:38,803 --> 01:32:41,011
Because you're a good lady.

2304
01:32:41,181 --> 01:32:43,798
I mean, you're a sad,
older lady,

2305
01:32:43,975 --> 01:32:46,968
but you're still a good lady
that needs help.

2306
01:32:47,145 --> 01:32:48,602
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: And us
ladies gotta stick together.

2307
01:32:48,772 --> 01:32:51,435
She filled me in about,
you know, you being here.

2308
01:32:51,524 --> 01:32:52,560
I support your cause.

2309
01:32:52,734 --> 01:32:54,976
- I wanna do this.
- Thank you. God, you're cool!

2310
01:32:55,153 --> 01:32:56,394
Where are we doing this thing?

2311
01:32:56,571 --> 01:32:58,528
Backyard. We just put up
some twinkle lights.

2312
01:32:58,698 --> 01:33:00,405
Love twinkle lights,
but I've got my own lights.

2313
01:33:00,575 --> 01:33:02,316
Boys, bring them out.
Let's go!

2314
01:33:02,494 --> 01:33:05,953
LEONOR: Donald, Craig, Jerry,
let's go.

2315
01:33:08,458 --> 01:33:11,371
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
my cousin,</i>

2316
01:33:11,461 --> 01:33:13,168
<i>Christina Aguilera.</i>

2317
01:33:13,338 --> 01:33:14,874
<i>Get it, girl!</i>

2318
01:33:14,964 --> 01:33:17,377
(ALL CHEERING)

2319
01:33:20,678 --> 01:33:22,214
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: (SINGING)
<i>After all you put me through</i>

2320
01:33:22,847 --> 01:33:24,884
<i>You'd think I'd despise you</i>

2321
01:33:25,058 --> 01:33:27,550
<i>But in the end,
I wanna thank you</i>

2322
01:33:27,727 --> 01:33:29,263
<i>Because you've made me
that much stronger</i>

2323
01:33:29,437 --> 01:33:34,182
<i>Well, I thought I knew you
Thinkin' that you were true</i>

2324
01:33:34,359 --> 01:33:36,191
<i>Guess I, I couldn't trust
Called your bluff</i>

2325
01:33:36,277 --> 01:33:37,393
Whoo!

2326
01:33:37,612 --> 01:33:40,025
- Oh, my God! We're up here!
- Yes!

2327
01:33:40,198 --> 01:33:41,985
<i>You were there by my side</i>

2328
01:33:42,158 --> 01:33:44,525
<i>Always down for the ride</i>

2329
01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:47,615
<i>But yourjoyride
just came down in flames</i>

2330
01:33:47,705 --> 01:33:49,446
<i>Because your greed
sold me out in shame</i>

2331
01:33:49,624 --> 01:33:51,206
<i>Mm-hmm</i>

2332
01:33:51,292 --> 01:33:52,908
<i>After all of the stealing
and cheating</i>

2333
01:33:53,086 --> 01:33:56,955
<i>You probably think that
I hold resentment for you</i>

2334
01:33:57,132 --> 01:34:00,546
<i>But uh-uh, oh no, you're wrong</i>

2335
01:34:00,718 --> 01:34:02,926
<i>Because if it wasn't for all
that you tried to do</i>

2336
01:34:03,096 --> 01:34:04,257
<i>I wouldn't know</i>

2337
01:34:04,430 --> 01:34:07,138
<i>Just how capable I am
to pull through</i>

2338
01:34:07,767 --> 01:34:10,100
Yeah! We got it!
You got the money!

2339
01:34:10,270 --> 01:34:12,978
<i>Because it makes me
that much stronger</i>

2340
01:34:13,148 --> 01:34:15,515
<i>Makes me work
a little bit harder</i>

2341
01:34:15,692 --> 01:34:18,059
<i>It makes me that much wiser</i>

2342
01:34:18,236 --> 01:34:20,728
<i>So thanks for making me
a fighter</i>

2343
01:34:20,905 --> 01:34:22,897
This is the best night
of my life!

2344
01:34:23,074 --> 01:34:25,487
DEBBIE: (SINGING) <i>Made my skin
a little bit thicker</i>

2345
01:34:25,577 --> 01:34:26,909
<i>Makes me that...</i>

2346
01:34:27,078 --> 01:34:28,614
CHRISTINA AGUILERA: (SINGING)
<i>Much smarter</i>

2347
01:34:28,705 --> 01:34:30,788
<i>So thanks for making me
a fighter</i>

2348
01:34:31,749 --> 01:34:34,162
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

2349
01:34:46,764 --> 01:34:48,630
It seems... I got it now.

2350
01:34:48,808 --> 01:34:49,924
- Got it? (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah.

2351
01:34:51,019 --> 01:34:53,136
May I just have a minute?

2352
01:34:53,313 --> 01:34:55,350
I just...
I wanted to thank you

2353
01:34:55,523 --> 01:34:57,355
for giving me a second chance.

2354
01:34:57,525 --> 01:34:58,686
It means a lot to me.

2355
01:34:58,860 --> 01:35:00,396
Oh, of course.
It's only because

2356
01:35:00,486 --> 01:35:02,068
it's a requirement
to pass the course.

2357
01:35:02,238 --> 01:35:04,104
That and the fact that
you're my favorite student.

2358
01:35:04,282 --> 01:35:05,272
Well.

2359
01:35:05,658 --> 01:35:06,819
Break a leg.

2360
01:35:07,410 --> 01:35:09,697
- Let's hope not. (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah, sorry.

2361
01:35:09,787 --> 01:35:12,279
Um, Deanna Miles, everybody.

2362
01:35:12,999 --> 01:35:13,989
Thank you.

2363
01:35:15,293 --> 01:35:16,329
(EXHALES)

2364
01:35:16,419 --> 01:35:19,127
Also, this is here
if you need it.

2365
01:35:19,297 --> 01:35:20,708
Thank you.

2366
01:35:21,466 --> 01:35:22,627
(DEANNA CLEARS THROAT)

2367
01:35:24,886 --> 01:35:25,876
Hello.

2368
01:35:29,974 --> 01:35:31,090
(EXHALES)

2369
01:35:32,101 --> 01:35:36,846
March 25th, 2014,
historian Albert...

2370
01:35:37,607 --> 01:35:40,315
Albrecht Rümschtein
announced

2371
01:35:40,485 --> 01:35:43,819
that the burial tomb
of Attila the Hun

2372
01:35:43,988 --> 01:35:46,696
had been discovered
in Budapest, Hungary.

2373
01:35:47,116 --> 01:35:48,106
Now, that...

2374
01:35:51,037 --> 01:35:53,120
- Sorry about your eye.
- Yeah, it's fine.

2375
01:35:53,957 --> 01:35:54,993
Hi!

2376
01:35:55,083 --> 01:35:56,290
HELEN: It's for her.
MADDIE: That's my mom.

2377
01:35:57,585 --> 01:36:00,077
It's important for her.
It's emotional support.

2378
01:36:00,255 --> 01:36:01,496
I'll give you five bucks.

2379
01:36:01,673 --> 01:36:03,209
Okay, thanks.

2380
01:36:04,467 --> 01:36:06,208
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

2381
01:36:08,429 --> 01:36:10,216
I'm so sorry
for the interruption.

2382
01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:12,347
These are my sorority sisters.

2383
01:36:12,433 --> 01:36:14,925
- Oh.
- Hey. It's me, Helen.

2384
01:36:15,103 --> 01:36:16,184
I know.

2385
01:36:16,354 --> 01:36:17,811
He knows that.

2386
01:36:17,897 --> 01:36:19,138
(SIGHS)

2387
01:36:19,232 --> 01:36:20,894
You got this, Mom.

2388
01:36:23,361 --> 01:36:24,568
(CLEARS THROAT)

2389
01:36:26,614 --> 01:36:28,697
A group of archaeologists,

2390
01:36:28,866 --> 01:36:30,573
using carbon dating,

2391
01:36:30,743 --> 01:36:34,077
proved that the grave
was in fact a hoax.

2392
01:36:34,247 --> 01:36:37,536
There were so many
scientists involved...

2393
01:36:38,960 --> 01:36:40,167
(SIGHS)

2394
01:36:40,253 --> 01:36:42,870
That it was
standing tomb only.

2395
01:36:42,964 --> 01:36:44,956
(ALL LAUGHING)

2396
01:36:47,010 --> 01:36:49,923
Thank you. I wasn't sure
about that one.

2397
01:36:50,847 --> 01:36:55,512
Now I hope that you're all
Hungary for some facts

2398
01:36:55,685 --> 01:37:00,020
because I'm about to give you
the thrilla about Attila.

2399
01:37:00,440 --> 01:37:03,103
Guys, that's my mom.
She's killing it!

2400
01:37:03,276 --> 01:37:04,312
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Go, Dee!

2401
01:37:12,702 --> 01:37:14,785
DEANNA: Okay, guys, thanks.

2402
01:37:15,621 --> 01:37:18,204
Now, number one, there was
no Professor Rümschtein.

2403
01:37:18,374 --> 01:37:20,115
Complete, complete hoax.

2404
01:37:20,209 --> 01:37:21,916
This person didn't exist,
PR fact.

2405
01:37:22,086 --> 01:37:24,328
I know. I was shocked
when I found out, too.

2406
01:37:25,506 --> 01:37:27,998
WOMAN: <i>These young men
and women comport themselves</i>

2407
01:37:28,092 --> 01:37:30,254
<i>with astounding grace
and wisdom.</i>

2408
01:37:30,428 --> 01:37:32,795
<i>Every one of them
brings tremendous pride</i>

2409
01:37:32,889 --> 01:37:34,926
<i>to this hallowed institution.</i>

2410
01:37:35,099 --> 01:37:36,556
<i>On a personal note,</i>

2411
01:37:36,726 --> 01:37:38,809
<i>I will say that
the future of this world</i>

2412
01:37:38,895 --> 01:37:40,431
<i>is in pretty good hands.</i>

2413
01:37:40,605 --> 01:37:43,973
<i>You may now move your tassels
to the left.</i>

2414
01:37:44,150 --> 01:37:46,938
<i>Congratulations
to Decatur University's</i>

2415
01:37:47,028 --> 01:37:48,985
<i>graduating class</i>

2416
01:37:49,155 --> 01:37:50,646
<i>of 2018.</i>

2417
01:37:50,740 --> 01:37:52,322
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

2418
01:37:52,408 --> 01:37:53,524
Whoo!

2419
01:37:54,535 --> 01:37:55,867
(LAUGHING)

2420
01:37:55,953 --> 01:37:57,910
- Hey, Christine!
- CHRISTINE: Hey!

2421
01:37:58,081 --> 01:38:00,198
- Congratulations!
- Proud of you!

2422
01:38:00,375 --> 01:38:01,365
- Thank you.
- CHRISTINE: I love you.

2423
01:38:01,542 --> 01:38:02,749
I love you, too.

2424
01:38:02,919 --> 01:38:04,535
Come on, honey. Let's go
make love in the science lab.

2425
01:38:04,712 --> 01:38:06,704
Okay. Be right back.

2426
01:38:06,881 --> 01:38:09,919
Okay. Hey, Mom! Hi.

2427
01:38:10,093 --> 01:38:12,676
- Oh! I'm so proud!
- MIKE: Congrats, baby.

2428
01:38:12,845 --> 01:38:14,711
- Thank you for coming.
- SANDY: Look at our girl.

2429
01:38:14,889 --> 01:38:16,505
- Sweetheart!
- Oh!

2430
01:38:16,766 --> 01:38:18,257
- Congrats.
- DEANNA: Thank you, honey.

2431
01:38:18,434 --> 01:38:19,641
MADDIE: Good to see you.
I'm ready.

2432
01:38:19,936 --> 01:38:21,393
- TYLER: You look great!
- I'm so proud of you guys.

2433
01:38:21,562 --> 01:38:24,851
You two have made
an old man very happy.

2434
01:38:25,024 --> 01:38:28,483
My daughter, my granddaughter,
both got a degree today.

2435
01:38:28,653 --> 01:38:30,144
Screw you, Dan!

2436
01:38:30,321 --> 01:38:31,482
- Oh, my... Dad!
- Grandpa!

2437
01:38:31,656 --> 01:38:33,067
- MIKE: What?
- Hey.

2438
01:38:33,241 --> 01:38:34,231
I'm starving.

2439
01:38:34,325 --> 01:38:35,736
Could we please go
to Mike and Sandy's house?

2440
01:38:35,910 --> 01:38:38,903
You know what? We'll catch up
with you in a minute.

2441
01:38:39,080 --> 01:38:41,788
But I want just a moment here
with my girl.

2442
01:38:41,958 --> 01:38:43,699
- Okay, babe.
- Sure, honey.

2443
01:38:45,002 --> 01:38:46,618
- Bye.
- You get out.

2444
01:38:46,712 --> 01:38:48,078
(LAUGHING)

2445
01:38:51,884 --> 01:38:55,343
(CHUCKLES) Look at us!
Couple of college grads, huh?

2446
01:38:55,513 --> 01:38:57,800
Mom, you did it.
You got your degree.

2447
01:38:57,974 --> 01:38:59,806
I'm so proud of you.

2448
01:39:00,768 --> 01:39:03,852
I'm proud of me, too.
But I'm really proud of you.

2449
01:39:04,313 --> 01:39:06,430
I hope you soak it all in.
This is your big day.

2450
01:39:06,607 --> 01:39:09,270
I will. Wait,
you didn't throw your hat!

2451
01:39:09,444 --> 01:39:11,811
Oh, I think there were
so many people,

2452
01:39:11,988 --> 01:39:14,856
and I just want to keep it as
memento for my alma mater.

2453
01:39:15,032 --> 01:39:16,148
You can keep it,

2454
01:39:16,242 --> 01:39:17,733
but you gotta throw it.
You don't wanna jinx it.

2455
01:39:17,910 --> 01:39:20,277
Okay. I don't wanna
jinx myself.

2456
01:39:20,371 --> 01:39:22,488
- Yeah. All right.
- All right, here goes.

2457
01:39:22,582 --> 01:39:23,993
- (MADDIE WHOOPS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

2458
01:39:24,083 --> 01:39:26,200
- (GASPS)
- (GROANING)

2459
01:39:26,752 --> 01:39:28,209
- Oh, my God.
- MARCIE: Who did that?

2460
01:39:28,379 --> 01:39:30,792
Marcie, the earring.
It's gone.

2461
01:39:30,965 --> 01:39:32,297
That's a half-carat.

2462
01:39:32,467 --> 01:39:34,459
- DAN: Don't move. Don't move.
- You're such a fool.

2463
01:39:34,635 --> 01:39:35,842
- We should go.
- Okay.

2464
01:39:36,012 --> 01:39:37,719
- DEANNA: Excuse me!
- (MADDIE CHUCKLES)

2465
01:44:42,568 --> 01:44:43,558
English - SDH