1 00:00:11,323 --> 00:00:15,316 OK, one more time. From the top. Six beats, all right? 2 00:00:15,427 --> 00:00:18,294 One, two, three, four. One, two... 3 00:01:13,185 --> 00:01:17,053 To be on the wire is life. The rest... is waiting. 4 00:01:17,756 --> 00:01:21,783 - That's very theatrical, Joe. - Yeah, I know. 5 00:01:21,927 --> 00:01:25,124 - Did you make it up? - I wish I had. 6 00:01:25,564 --> 00:01:28,158 - Do you like it? - Well, it's all right. 7 00:01:30,869 --> 00:01:32,393 It's showtime, folks! 8 00:02:08,373 --> 00:02:13,811 They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway 9 00:02:16,448 --> 00:02:19,747 They say there's always magic in the air 10 00:02:24,456 --> 00:02:28,392 But when you're walkin' down that street 11 00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:32,362 And you ain't had enough to eat 12 00:02:32,431 --> 00:02:39,530 The glitter rubs right off and you're nowhere 13 00:02:48,747 --> 00:02:54,879 They say the women treat you fine on Broadway 14 00:02:56,855 --> 00:03:03,818 But lookin'at them just gives me the blues 15 00:03:04,963 --> 00:03:08,490 cos how you gonna make some time 16 00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:13,026 When all you got is one thin dime? 17 00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:19,635 And one thin dime won't even shine your shoes 18 00:03:37,696 --> 00:03:43,635 They say that I won't last too long on Broadway 19 00:03:45,737 --> 00:03:51,733 I'll catch a Greyhound bus for home, they all say 20 00:03:54,112 --> 00:03:57,479 But they're dead wrong, I know they are 21 00:03:58,116 --> 00:04:02,109 cos I can play this here guitar 22 00:04:03,088 --> 00:04:05,613 And I won't quit till I'm a star 23 00:04:05,690 --> 00:04:09,456 On Broadway 24 00:06:05,644 --> 00:06:11,879 They say that I won't last too long on Broadway... 25 00:06:12,684 --> 00:06:14,584 Bozo? 26 00:06:14,653 --> 00:06:17,383 - Is that your real name? - Yes, sir. 27 00:06:17,455 --> 00:06:22,085 - You sure you don't wanna change that? - Well, if you give me the Job I'll change it. 28 00:06:22,227 --> 00:06:25,685 But they're dead wrong, I know they are 29 00:06:26,231 --> 00:06:29,564 cos I can play this here guitar 30 00:06:30,669 --> 00:06:34,298 And I won't quit till I'm a star... 31 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:39,299 Victoria Porter. Is this your, uh... your home phone? 32 00:06:39,411 --> 00:06:43,108 .. till I'm a star 33 00:06:43,415 --> 00:06:45,815 On Broadway 34 00:06:47,085 --> 00:06:49,076 No, no, no, no, no... 35 00:06:49,187 --> 00:06:53,453 - You were in The Wiz? - Mr. Gideon, I've never been in any show. 36 00:06:53,525 --> 00:06:56,824 I had to put something on the card. I really need a job, so I lied. 37 00:06:56,895 --> 00:06:59,329 It's all right, Rima. I lie all the time myself. 38 00:06:59,931 --> 00:07:02,024 Oh, fuck him! He never picks me! 39 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,001 Honey, I did fuck him, and he never picks me either! 40 00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:08,195 - You were in Traffic Jam? - Yes, sir. 41 00:07:08,306 --> 00:07:11,537 - Who was the director of Traffic Jam? - You were, Mr. Gideon. 42 00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:14,874 - Oh. How was I? - Terrific. 43 00:07:14,946 --> 00:07:17,744 - And who was the choreographer? - You were, Mr. Gideon. 44 00:07:17,849 --> 00:07:20,044 - How was I? - Fantastic. 45 00:07:20,118 --> 00:07:22,643 That's how you get a job. 46 00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:27,887 God, I hope he doesn't pick her. She's uglier than a witch's tit. 47 00:07:27,959 --> 00:07:30,723 The expression is "colder than a witch's tit. " 48 00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:34,959 - You've never seen a woman's tit in your life. - Shh. Be quiet, you two. 49 00:07:35,066 --> 00:07:40,026 OK, thank you all very much. It was a terrific audition. Just stay in line. 50 00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:46,067 Now that's what I call a real drinker's nose. 51 00:07:46,144 --> 00:07:50,171 And you should know, because you're a real drinker, aren't you, Joe? 52 00:07:50,315 --> 00:07:53,113 - Yeah. - Also heavy into speed, aren't you? 53 00:07:53,551 --> 00:07:56,645 - Yeah. - Also sleep with a great many women. 54 00:08:01,192 --> 00:08:05,526 - Real turnoff, huh? - Just the opposite. 55 00:08:06,097 --> 00:08:09,533 I'll make up my mind about the men later. I know which girls I want. 56 00:08:09,601 --> 00:08:13,196 Candy, Casey, Rima, Jennifer and Victoria Porter. 57 00:08:13,338 --> 00:08:17,502 - The one in the shocking-pink leotard? - See if any are willing to be swing dancers. 58 00:08:17,575 --> 00:08:19,975 - She's tone-deaf. - With those legs, who cares? 59 00:08:20,078 --> 00:08:23,707 Oh, Joey, I know you're in a hurry, but I want to check your schedule. 60 00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:27,912 - Same as always. - Joey? Joey, can we talk a minute, please? 61 00:08:31,689 --> 00:08:34,180 - Joey... - What is it? 62 00:08:34,325 --> 00:08:39,490 - You left me without a soprano again! - Paul, please, will you let me handle it? 63 00:08:39,564 --> 00:08:42,158 - What about Diane? - What about Diane? 64 00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:44,895 I've had her in three shows. She's wonderful. 65 00:08:44,969 --> 00:08:49,633 At least she can sing. You left me without a soprano. I gotta have a soprano! 66 00:08:49,741 --> 00:08:51,504 Gentlemen, Mr. Gideon... 67 00:08:51,576 --> 00:08:56,206 The tall dancer with the blue eye shadow - believe me, he'll hit the high notes. 68 00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:02,111 The five Murray is talking to, those are the girls I want. OK with you? 69 00:09:02,187 --> 00:09:05,714 The tall girl, Victoria - I like her, Daddy. 70 00:09:05,790 --> 00:09:07,849 Hm, she's all right. 71 00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:12,127 I really screwed up that marriage. 72 00:09:13,164 --> 00:09:17,362 Because I cheated. Oh, man, I cheated every chance I could get. 73 00:09:19,404 --> 00:09:21,269 OK with you, Audrey? 74 00:09:21,406 --> 00:09:25,069 Sure. Fine with me. What about this weekend with Michelle? 75 00:09:25,176 --> 00:09:29,272 Oh, Jesus... I forgot. I gotta work this weekend. 76 00:09:29,414 --> 00:09:32,178 Oh, Joe! You promised her. 77 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,946 I know I promised, but what am I gonna do? 78 00:09:35,019 --> 00:09:37,078 That's OK. 79 00:09:37,622 --> 00:09:40,489 - I'm sorry, Michelle. - It's OK. 80 00:09:43,228 --> 00:09:45,958 If you want me, I'll be in the cutting room. 81 00:09:46,030 --> 00:09:47,622 He promised me. 82 00:09:51,603 --> 00:09:54,265 - Some fucking father. - Family? 83 00:09:54,606 --> 00:09:56,767 - Screwed up. - Work? 84 00:09:56,841 --> 00:09:58,399 All there is. 85 00:10:00,278 --> 00:10:05,045 If I were God, man... And sometimes I think I am... 86 00:10:07,652 --> 00:10:10,644 Depends on the shit you're smoking... 87 00:10:10,722 --> 00:10:16,490 OK. If I were God, man, everybody would live forever. 88 00:10:16,594 --> 00:10:21,725 No death, man. No pennies on the eyes for anybody. 89 00:10:21,833 --> 00:10:25,997 Well, a couple of people, like my agent, who booked me into this toilet... 90 00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:28,595 Why is he mumbling like that? 91 00:10:28,673 --> 00:10:32,803 I'll tell you why. Cos I'm the dummy who let him mumble like that. 92 00:10:33,611 --> 00:10:36,739 - Try it. - .. death and the clap. 93 00:10:38,216 --> 00:10:41,208 So far, I've managed to avoid one of them. 94 00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:44,653 You know, man, death is really a hip thing now. 95 00:10:44,822 --> 00:10:47,814 But we all have very different feelings about it. 96 00:10:47,892 --> 00:10:51,123 For instance, to a catholic, death is a promotion. 97 00:10:53,064 --> 00:10:54,497 Excuse me, Stacy. 98 00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:56,727 Women? 99 00:11:00,538 --> 00:11:01,562 Hope? 100 00:11:01,673 --> 00:11:04,164 All this bullshit about "death with dignity. " 101 00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:06,903 You know what death with dignity is? You don't drool. 102 00:11:06,978 --> 00:11:11,278 change-of-pace time. Request. Here we go, Vic O'Dante. Hey! 103 00:11:11,349 --> 00:11:13,510 Beauty? 104 00:11:18,356 --> 00:11:21,120 - Oh, you're a flirt. - Mm-hm. 105 00:11:21,392 --> 00:11:23,292 Death is in, death is in 106 00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:27,661 Hear them church bells ring 107 00:11:27,732 --> 00:11:30,394 I love it, I love it, I love it! 108 00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:35,700 Books, magazine articles, TV shows, Ken and Barbie dolls who have a mutual suicide pact... 109 00:11:35,773 --> 00:11:39,106 Oh, man, how many times do we have to look at the same thing? 110 00:11:39,177 --> 00:11:41,611 Until he gets it the way he wants it. 111 00:11:41,713 --> 00:11:46,878 There's a lady in Chicago, man, wrote a book - Dr K�bler-Ross, with a dash. 112 00:11:46,951 --> 00:11:50,887 This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, 113 00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:55,187 has broken the process of death into five stages. 114 00:11:55,293 --> 00:12:01,391 Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 115 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:05,831 "Good morning. Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. " 116 00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:07,996 Anger. 117 00:12:10,174 --> 00:12:16,170 Jesus Christ! Goddamn son-of-a-bitch, pig-suckin' bastards! 118 00:12:16,814 --> 00:12:18,907 Oh, pooh! 119 00:12:19,951 --> 00:12:24,911 Bargaining. What did I say? Anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance. 120 00:12:24,989 --> 00:12:29,119 All right, if you happen to get to denial... denial... 121 00:12:30,628 --> 00:12:35,725 "No, that's not me, man. No. Oh-ho... Somebody else, maybe, but not me. " 122 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,065 "Oh, no. You got the wrong... How about my mother, man?" 123 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:44,574 "She's old, I'm weaned, I'm toilet-trained. Bye, Ma. You've been terrific. I love ya. " 124 00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:48,009 - But not me! - Mother? 125 00:12:48,079 --> 00:12:50,673 Kinda chubby. And Jolly. 126 00:12:50,782 --> 00:12:52,340 And sexy. 127 00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:55,386 Bargaining. Remember her? 128 00:12:58,289 --> 00:13:01,224 "can we sit down and talk about this like businessmen?" 129 00:13:01,292 --> 00:13:07,094 "A negotiation, OK? No more hard drugs. A little grass, maybe, but that's it. " 130 00:13:07,198 --> 00:13:11,362 "OK, all right, look, man, I promise I won't flash on subways anymore, OK?" 131 00:13:11,436 --> 00:13:14,803 cat drives a hard bargain. Depression... 132 00:13:16,441 --> 00:13:19,239 - Hi, Katie. - "I'm dying!" 133 00:13:20,511 --> 00:13:23,776 "Oh, God, am I dying?!" 134 00:13:24,282 --> 00:13:27,308 Wanna have dinner together before I go to the theater? 135 00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:29,978 - I can't. - "The doctor's not dying. " 136 00:13:30,054 --> 00:13:33,023 - Should I come over to your apartment later? - Yeah, sure. 137 00:13:33,091 --> 00:13:37,425 - Father? - Liar, womanizer. You woulda liked him. 138 00:13:37,495 --> 00:13:41,625 Wait a minute. I don't know. We may be working very late tonight. 139 00:13:41,699 --> 00:13:45,692 - That's OK. - Yeah. We'll talk later. 140 00:13:47,305 --> 00:13:50,672 "At those prices, man, who can afford to live?" 141 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:54,940 So... acceptance. 142 00:13:56,314 --> 00:13:58,305 - "I accept!" - Hold it. 143 00:13:58,416 --> 00:14:00,748 - Hold it. - Finished, or you wanna run it again? 144 00:14:00,852 --> 00:14:04,948 No, I do not want to run it again, thank you very much. We are finished. 145 00:14:05,056 --> 00:14:09,049 - Anybody have any ideas? - Oh, I like it, Joe. I think it's really funny. 146 00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:11,425 Who asked you, Stacy? 147 00:14:11,496 --> 00:14:15,432 It's too long... I don't know. Maybe we can get away with it. 148 00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:19,127 Do you suppose Stanley Kubrick gets depressed? 149 00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:24,701 - Do you wanna work tonight, Joe? - No, I gotta work on the show. 150 00:14:44,462 --> 00:14:48,922 You have really got something... special. 151 00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:51,860 All right... 152 00:14:52,703 --> 00:14:54,762 All right! 153 00:14:55,406 --> 00:14:59,706 I want so to be a movie star. 154 00:14:59,777 --> 00:15:01,745 Oh? 155 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:04,373 Ever since I was a little kid, 156 00:15:04,482 --> 00:15:10,614 I wanted to see my face on the screen... 40 feet wide. 157 00:15:10,755 --> 00:15:12,814 Oh, yeah? 158 00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:28,134 I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. 159 00:15:28,739 --> 00:15:33,005 You're looking at my nose, aren't you? It's crooked. 160 00:15:39,016 --> 00:15:41,507 It goes to the left. See? 161 00:15:41,586 --> 00:15:45,181 I mean, like, I could always have that fixed. Like that. 162 00:15:46,557 --> 00:15:48,616 Do you think I could be? 163 00:15:51,929 --> 00:15:56,798 You know. A movie star. In the movies. 164 00:15:57,335 --> 00:15:59,599 Well, that's... 165 00:16:01,339 --> 00:16:05,139 I don't know anybody that could answer that question. 166 00:16:05,209 --> 00:16:09,646 It's... it's a very freaky business, you know? 167 00:16:10,648 --> 00:16:16,416 Yeah, I know all about that, but, like, I wanna know what you think. 168 00:16:16,487 --> 00:16:19,581 Do you think I could be a movie star? 169 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:25,028 No. 170 00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:27,189 Even with a nose Job? 171 00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:33,628 Well, that's fair. 172 00:16:39,076 --> 00:16:44,013 Like you said, it is a freaky business, though. You know, you could be wrong, right? 173 00:16:44,649 --> 00:16:46,514 Right. 174 00:16:47,685 --> 00:16:50,882 I don't dance so hot either, do I? 175 00:16:50,988 --> 00:16:54,424 You will. I promise you. 176 00:16:56,093 --> 00:16:57,993 You wanna go to bed? 177 00:17:00,398 --> 00:17:02,059 Yeah. 178 00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:04,588 I'm sorry. Oh, am I sorry. 179 00:18:04,695 --> 00:18:07,357 - Katie! - I should've called first. 180 00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:12,334 Oh, shit. 181 00:18:13,471 --> 00:18:18,704 - Did I, like, screw anything up? - No. I screwed it up. 182 00:18:20,578 --> 00:18:23,479 Oh, I meant to call her. 183 00:18:28,986 --> 00:18:32,080 Oh, boy, you are really something. 184 00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:50,036 I'm Joey's mother. 185 00:18:50,141 --> 00:18:54,134 Ever since he was so high, he's had such a crush on you! 186 00:18:55,012 --> 00:18:57,640 I've always been fond of Joe, too. 187 00:18:57,748 --> 00:19:00,182 Of all the children, he was the least worry. 188 00:19:00,718 --> 00:19:04,210 He worked in all those cheap burlesque clubs. 189 00:19:04,522 --> 00:19:07,980 Always around stark-naked girls! 190 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,027 But did it bother him? No. 191 00:19:10,528 --> 00:19:14,988 He never paid any attention. Never even looked at them. 192 00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:18,168 Amatis, you love. Amant, they love. 193 00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:23,200 Amo, amas, amat, amamus, amatis, amant. 194 00:19:23,274 --> 00:19:26,141 Hey, kid, what kind of language is that? 195 00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:33,810 Oh, it's not a language. It's Just some Jokes I'm working on. Some crazy Jokes. 196 00:19:40,391 --> 00:19:42,951 "Pu... Pu... " 197 00:19:46,397 --> 00:19:49,025 Puella. Girl. 198 00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:55,232 "First Year Latin"? 199 00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:57,399 It's my kid brother's. 200 00:19:58,109 --> 00:20:01,272 - How old are you? - Nineteen. 201 00:20:01,378 --> 00:20:04,836 Uh-huh. What year were you born? 202 00:20:04,982 --> 00:20:07,075 Uh, 1930... 203 00:20:07,184 --> 00:20:10,711 - Try 1934. - Right. 1934. 204 00:20:10,821 --> 00:20:12,880 1935? 205 00:20:14,492 --> 00:20:16,824 1935, yeah. 206 00:20:16,894 --> 00:20:19,124 Now try 1492. 207 00:20:20,431 --> 00:20:22,626 See you around, kid. 208 00:20:24,735 --> 00:20:28,136 Maybe we could have a drink together sometime? 209 00:20:28,239 --> 00:20:30,139 Oh, sure. 210 00:20:34,478 --> 00:20:39,677 You notice we have small waitresses here. You know why? Make the drinks look bigger. 211 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:42,617 That's my favorite one. The one with the big tips. 212 00:20:42,686 --> 00:20:45,712 I got problems, too. I went to see my psychiatrist. 213 00:20:45,823 --> 00:20:50,692 I told him I have suicidal tendencies. He says "From now on, you pay in advance. " 214 00:20:50,761 --> 00:20:55,630 Look, I don't have to do this for a living. I have four chinchillas at home in heat. 215 00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:59,035 No, I make a lot of money. I Just have trouble passing it. 216 00:20:59,336 --> 00:21:01,668 I Just have trouble passing it. Is this on? 217 00:21:03,641 --> 00:21:05,768 First-year Latin! 218 00:21:05,876 --> 00:21:10,870 It's three o'clock in the morning. Isn't it past your bedtime? 219 00:21:11,482 --> 00:21:16,078 I don't look for big laughs. I'll settle for intelligent nods. Anything. Wink. 220 00:21:16,654 --> 00:21:20,385 You better stop lying, or your nose will grow! 221 00:21:20,491 --> 00:21:24,359 Ooh! Something's growing! 222 00:21:24,461 --> 00:21:28,693 The drummer's not really with the band, but he has the car. Married 14 years. 223 00:21:28,766 --> 00:21:32,293 14 years, no children! Strict mother-in-law. 224 00:21:32,369 --> 00:21:36,772 Let's continue on. Right now, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Tops'n'Taps, 225 00:21:36,874 --> 00:21:40,605 - may we present Mr. Joe Gideon! - You're on! 226 00:22:20,985 --> 00:22:23,715 Joey's never done anything to disappoint me. 227 00:22:45,609 --> 00:22:47,804 It's showtime, folks. 228 00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:56,742 - You believe in love? - I believe in saying "I love you. " 229 00:22:56,820 --> 00:22:58,583 Helps you concentrate. 230 00:22:58,656 --> 00:23:01,682 Joe, they've asked me to go on tour with the show. 231 00:23:01,792 --> 00:23:03,817 How long? 232 00:23:03,894 --> 00:23:08,058 Six months. What do you think? 233 00:23:08,198 --> 00:23:12,294 - And you say it all the time. - I say it a lot. A lot. 234 00:23:12,403 --> 00:23:14,598 - When? - When it works. 235 00:23:14,672 --> 00:23:18,574 You know, I love you, Katie, but I think you have to do what's best for you. 236 00:23:18,642 --> 00:23:22,578 - Just what do you mean, Joe? - Sometimes it doesn't work. 237 00:23:25,783 --> 00:23:29,617 I mean, for your sake, I think you should go. 238 00:23:42,399 --> 00:23:45,391 Hello, Michael? It's Katie. 239 00:23:47,538 --> 00:23:50,598 So, um, did you mean it about dinner? 240 00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:54,007 Wally's at 11? 241 00:23:54,078 --> 00:23:57,241 You're surprised? I'm a little surprised. 242 00:23:58,716 --> 00:24:02,812 Thank you. OK, Michael. Bye-bye. 243 00:24:05,322 --> 00:24:11,022 I'm a little surprised too. Isn't that nice? Now we're all a little surprised. 244 00:24:12,963 --> 00:24:15,056 - Who was that? - Michael Graham. 245 00:24:15,132 --> 00:24:18,260 - Who is Michael Graham? - The dancer in my ballet class. 246 00:24:18,335 --> 00:24:20,667 Straight or gay? 247 00:24:20,871 --> 00:24:23,101 What do you mean? 248 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:28,041 I mean is he looking to get laid, or is he looking for Mr. Right? 249 00:24:28,345 --> 00:24:30,677 He's straight. 250 00:24:31,882 --> 00:24:33,941 And tall. 251 00:24:39,456 --> 00:24:42,118 Michael Graham is a very tall name. 252 00:24:47,664 --> 00:24:50,326 Oh, goddammit! 253 00:24:50,601 --> 00:24:55,300 How dare you use my phone, my telephone, to call somebody who's not gay? 254 00:24:55,706 --> 00:24:59,540 I see. You can go out with any girl, any girl in town... 255 00:24:59,610 --> 00:25:02,170 That's right. I go out with any girl in town. 256 00:25:05,416 --> 00:25:07,509 I stay in with you. 257 00:25:07,584 --> 00:25:10,712 Joe, it's not fair... I'm spilling the coffee... 258 00:25:10,788 --> 00:25:14,417 It's all wrong. Everything is all wrong. 259 00:25:17,294 --> 00:25:19,819 That's some set of rules you had for her. 260 00:25:19,930 --> 00:25:21,898 Yeah, I know. I know. 261 00:25:21,965 --> 00:25:25,560 But as long as you could get away with it, right? 262 00:25:26,437 --> 00:25:27,301 Right. 263 00:25:27,371 --> 00:25:33,708 I don't wanna go out with Michael Graham. I don't want a date. I have no small talk left. 264 00:25:33,777 --> 00:25:38,578 I don't wanna fool around, I don't wanna play games and I don't wanna fight. 265 00:25:38,649 --> 00:25:42,312 I Just want to love you. 266 00:25:56,533 --> 00:25:58,592 Katie... 267 00:26:00,737 --> 00:26:03,672 I try to give you everything I can give. 268 00:26:04,341 --> 00:26:07,777 Oh, you give, all right. Presents, clothes... 269 00:26:08,078 --> 00:26:10,569 I Just wish 270 00:26:10,647 --> 00:26:13,445 you weren't so generous with your cock. 271 00:26:19,857 --> 00:26:21,950 That's good. 272 00:26:28,198 --> 00:26:31,099 Maybe I can use that some time. 273 00:26:39,076 --> 00:26:45,037 Katie! About the goddamn tour... I don't think you should go. 274 00:26:45,115 --> 00:26:47,208 Wrong reading. 275 00:26:51,522 --> 00:26:54,218 Softly and with feeling. 276 00:26:56,593 --> 00:26:59,061 Don't go. 277 00:27:04,701 --> 00:27:06,794 Please? 278 00:27:08,105 --> 00:27:11,871 - Why do you suppose she put up with it? - I can think of many reasons 279 00:27:11,942 --> 00:27:16,072 - for wanting to be with you. - Now don't bullshit a bullshitter. 280 00:27:19,883 --> 00:27:23,148 Take off with us, take off with us 281 00:27:23,253 --> 00:27:26,552 We're warmin' up, so take off with us 282 00:27:26,657 --> 00:27:30,115 NY to LA-A-A 283 00:27:30,227 --> 00:27:33,287 Goin' all the way-ay-ay 284 00:27:33,430 --> 00:27:35,489 Won't you climb aboard? 285 00:27:35,666 --> 00:27:39,762 You'll ride as smooth as glass 286 00:27:40,304 --> 00:27:45,173 - It's perfect. Didn't I tell you? - Up there, where the clouds are pillowy 287 00:27:45,275 --> 00:27:48,676 You're as close to heaven as you'll ever be 288 00:27:48,745 --> 00:27:51,873 Lean back, relax, here come the snacks 289 00:27:51,949 --> 00:27:54,941 Drop your diet, have a fall 290 00:27:55,052 --> 00:28:00,251 Don't stop with one, try 'em all 291 00:28:00,991 --> 00:28:04,119 Music's ready to begin 292 00:28:04,194 --> 00:28:07,595 Take out your headset, plug it in 293 00:28:07,698 --> 00:28:10,690 What's your answer, chu-hu-hum? 294 00:28:10,801 --> 00:28:13,964 Are you gonna co-o-ome? 295 00:28:14,071 --> 00:28:17,666 On the coolest, hottest trip 296 00:28:17,741 --> 00:28:21,108 That's ever been 297 00:28:22,479 --> 00:28:24,811 Oh, it's very, very good! 298 00:28:24,915 --> 00:28:28,783 I think we might even get a commercial tie-in with the airlines. 299 00:28:28,885 --> 00:28:31,217 - You think so? Great. - Audrey? 300 00:28:33,323 --> 00:28:35,382 Well, ask... 301 00:28:39,296 --> 00:28:41,730 Yeah, it's OK. 302 00:28:43,734 --> 00:28:46,168 Let me see what I can do with it. 303 00:28:46,236 --> 00:28:50,172 I think it's Just what the show needs. It's catchy, it's bouncy. Right, Ted? 304 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,141 - Oh, yeah, very bouncy and catchy. - Can we hear it again? 305 00:28:53,210 --> 00:28:56,179 - I'd love to hear it again. - Oh! Arnie... 306 00:28:57,614 --> 00:29:00,378 Turn. Some fuckin' music. 307 00:29:00,917 --> 00:29:04,409 - Turn back. - Arch your back. Extend the right leg. 308 00:29:04,554 --> 00:29:07,990 Ease your partner down gently. Slide. Slide. 309 00:29:08,725 --> 00:29:10,852 Slide! 310 00:29:12,729 --> 00:29:15,630 Have you ever slept with another woman? 311 00:29:15,999 --> 00:29:19,799 I once tried living with two girls. Two girls at once. 312 00:29:20,404 --> 00:29:23,032 - We lived together. - Laughed together. 313 00:29:23,140 --> 00:29:26,337 - Drank together. - Smoked together. 314 00:29:27,644 --> 00:29:29,737 Slept together. 315 00:29:33,417 --> 00:29:37,251 Woke up one morning... one of them was gone. 316 00:29:37,354 --> 00:29:39,549 On the bureau, she left a note. 317 00:29:39,756 --> 00:29:43,749 I'm sorry. I cannot share you anymore. 318 00:29:43,827 --> 00:29:47,854 I want you all to myself, or not at all. 319 00:29:48,198 --> 00:29:52,362 Please, please try to understand. 320 00:29:52,436 --> 00:29:55,769 I not only understood, I was flattered. 321 00:29:55,839 --> 00:29:58,706 I was flattered that she felt so strongly about me. 322 00:29:58,809 --> 00:30:01,642 How did you know the note was to you? 323 00:30:09,619 --> 00:30:12,452 No. No, that's not me, man. No. 324 00:30:12,589 --> 00:30:14,716 Somebody else, maybe, but not me. 325 00:30:14,825 --> 00:30:18,056 - What is this, Eddie? - Not me. Talk to him. 326 00:30:18,128 --> 00:30:22,064 Joey, I gotta talk to you about these time sheets. 327 00:30:22,132 --> 00:30:27,331 Three weeks now we've been on triple time. The brass is eating my ass out! 328 00:30:27,437 --> 00:30:29,905 You shot 82 days on a 65-day schedule. 329 00:30:30,006 --> 00:30:33,237 On a four-month editing schedule, you've gone seven months. 330 00:30:33,310 --> 00:30:36,108 We're already 2.2 million over the original budget. 331 00:30:36,213 --> 00:30:41,810 Joey, God made the entire world in six days. He didn't go on overtime once. 332 00:30:41,885 --> 00:30:47,346 You can't even cut an hour-and-a-half movie in seven months, on triple time? 333 00:30:47,457 --> 00:30:50,290 Joey, I hate to do this. I'm usually a very calm man, 334 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,921 but this whole thing has got me terribly crazy. 335 00:30:54,030 --> 00:30:57,625 I must put my foot down. Joey, the whole thing has gotta stop. 336 00:30:57,701 --> 00:31:00,431 It has to stop. It's got to stop! 337 00:31:00,504 --> 00:31:02,904 It just simply must stop! 338 00:31:02,973 --> 00:31:08,104 Josh, I made changes in the monologue. I think you'll like it. I have to go to rehearsal. 339 00:31:08,779 --> 00:31:11,873 At those prices, who can afford to live? 340 00:31:11,948 --> 00:31:17,477 - Nice talking to you, Josh. - So I accept! 341 00:31:17,587 --> 00:31:20,351 Oh, my God. It is better. 342 00:31:21,057 --> 00:31:24,185 - God help us all. - Wait a minute. Real dead body. 343 00:31:26,763 --> 00:31:28,025 It's better. 344 00:31:28,298 --> 00:31:32,860 OK, that looks pretty good. I like it. Let's go. Everybody down, in a straight line. 345 00:31:32,936 --> 00:31:35,700 Move down, move down. Move down, Victoria. 346 00:31:35,772 --> 00:31:38,673 - And sing it out. Here we go. - Five, six, seven... 347 00:31:38,742 --> 00:31:44,612 And any seat you grab will be first class 348 00:31:44,714 --> 00:31:48,673 Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... And I don't like it. 349 00:31:58,428 --> 00:32:00,362 Uh, double that. 350 00:32:00,430 --> 00:32:03,763 - Which button? - The white one, down. 351 00:32:10,841 --> 00:32:15,744 Ah, that stinks. Let's play something else. Do me a favor. Take off your shoes. 352 00:32:15,812 --> 00:32:18,940 - What's that? - It's a mint. 353 00:32:19,015 --> 00:32:22,951 - Can I have one? - No, come on, you wouldn't like it. 354 00:32:23,019 --> 00:32:25,112 Let me try this. 355 00:32:25,188 --> 00:32:29,352 Here, you stand over there, then Jump up on my shoulder. 356 00:32:29,426 --> 00:32:31,986 Oh, God, you're getting heavy. 357 00:32:32,062 --> 00:32:35,327 All right, put your leg in an arabesque. There we are. 358 00:32:35,398 --> 00:32:39,232 - How are things at home? - They're pretty good. 359 00:32:39,336 --> 00:32:42,066 All right, watch your back now. 360 00:32:42,172 --> 00:32:45,801 - Anything you wanna tell me? - I promised Mom I wouldn't bring it up. 361 00:32:45,876 --> 00:32:48,071 But you're gonna bring it up anyway. 362 00:32:48,178 --> 00:32:50,612 Sit down. You can tell me anything. You know that. 363 00:32:50,747 --> 00:32:54,012 Gimme your wrists. Ready? And Jump. 364 00:32:54,284 --> 00:32:57,549 - It's Just that I keep wondering, Dad... - Bend your knees. 365 00:32:57,621 --> 00:32:59,748 What is it you keep wondering? 366 00:32:59,823 --> 00:33:02,223 Why don't you get married again? 367 00:33:02,792 --> 00:33:05,283 Do a head roll. 368 00:33:07,264 --> 00:33:12,031 I don't get married again because I can't find anyone I dislike enough 369 00:33:12,102 --> 00:33:14,502 to inflict that kind of torture on. 370 00:33:15,505 --> 00:33:18,303 Hey, why don't you marry Katie? She's terrific. 371 00:33:18,408 --> 00:33:20,876 Keep rolling your head. 372 00:33:20,977 --> 00:33:24,174 Straighten your leg. Yeah, you're right. 373 00:33:24,247 --> 00:33:28,707 She's terrific. That's exactly why I don't wanna marry her. 374 00:33:30,053 --> 00:33:33,614 Run off to the corner. Jump and I'll catch you. 375 00:33:33,723 --> 00:33:36,055 And Victoria? You're not too crazy about her. 376 00:33:36,126 --> 00:33:39,584 Just run and Jump. Never mind that. Come on. 377 00:33:41,398 --> 00:33:43,923 - What about the blonde? - What blonde? 378 00:33:44,034 --> 00:33:48,994 The one in Philadelphia with the TV show? You know, the one Mom keeps talking about. 379 00:33:49,072 --> 00:33:51,131 Oh, yeah, that blonde. 380 00:33:52,409 --> 00:33:55,207 Jump up and wrap your legs around me. 381 00:33:55,278 --> 00:33:57,803 Wrap around, that's it. 382 00:33:59,115 --> 00:34:02,607 Why is it so important to you that... Follow my hand. 383 00:34:02,686 --> 00:34:05,849 Why is it so important to you that I get married again? 384 00:34:05,922 --> 00:34:08,356 Cos then you'd stop screwing around. 385 00:34:08,458 --> 00:34:11,325 Hey! Watch your language. 386 00:34:12,362 --> 00:34:15,695 - Oh, shit! Look at the time. - Oh, Daddy, can't we stay longer? 387 00:34:15,832 --> 00:34:18,699 - No, your mother will kill me. - Oh, it's so much fun. 388 00:34:18,835 --> 00:34:23,272 No, no, absolutely. Come on. Stop flocking your legs. Come on. 389 00:34:24,341 --> 00:34:27,139 - Oh, please? - No, no, no, no. 390 00:34:27,677 --> 00:34:32,444 Besides, if you got married again, maybe you'd have a baby and I'd have a brother. 391 00:34:32,515 --> 00:34:34,779 I'll call Hertz and rent you a brother. 392 00:34:34,884 --> 00:34:38,342 - Oh, very funny. - Oh, everybody's a critic. 393 00:35:52,395 --> 00:35:54,022 Showtime, folks. 394 00:35:55,532 --> 00:35:57,523 Showtime. 395 00:35:57,801 --> 00:36:00,031 Five, six, seven, eight. 396 00:36:00,637 --> 00:36:03,629 Stop smiling. Lay back. Lay back. 397 00:36:04,808 --> 00:36:08,335 Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. 398 00:36:08,411 --> 00:36:12,245 You're gonna do it again, Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. 399 00:36:12,348 --> 00:36:15,374 Stop smiling. It's not the high-school play. Count. 400 00:36:15,452 --> 00:36:17,750 Five, six, seven, eight. 401 00:36:17,821 --> 00:36:20,016 Hold it. 402 00:36:23,827 --> 00:36:25,954 Stand on your right foot. 403 00:36:26,563 --> 00:36:28,497 Point your left toe. 404 00:36:28,598 --> 00:36:32,967 Drop that shoulder. Now, that's not too hard, is it? 405 00:36:34,170 --> 00:36:35,797 Again. 406 00:36:39,242 --> 00:36:41,301 Five, six, seven, eight. 407 00:36:43,279 --> 00:36:46,043 Lay back, Victoria. Lay back. 408 00:36:46,116 --> 00:36:47,515 Lay back! 409 00:36:49,085 --> 00:36:51,485 Hold it, hold it. 410 00:37:01,331 --> 00:37:05,267 - Sorry. - No, you're right. I'm terrible. 411 00:37:05,335 --> 00:37:09,999 I know I'm terrible. I look in the mirror and I'm embarrassed. 412 00:37:10,073 --> 00:37:15,306 Maybe I should quit. I... I Just can't seem to do anything right. 413 00:37:16,846 --> 00:37:21,010 Listen, I can't make you a great dancer. 414 00:37:22,485 --> 00:37:25,352 I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. 415 00:37:25,455 --> 00:37:29,323 But if you keep tryin' and don't quit, 416 00:37:31,094 --> 00:37:34,029 I know I can make you a better dancer. 417 00:37:35,498 --> 00:37:38,865 And I'd like very much to do that. 418 00:37:41,738 --> 00:37:43,831 Stay? 419 00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,866 Are you gonna keep yelling at me? 420 00:37:50,647 --> 00:37:52,376 Probably. 421 00:37:52,482 --> 00:37:57,317 Five, six, seven, eight. One and two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two. 422 00:38:00,723 --> 00:38:04,250 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two. 423 00:38:12,068 --> 00:38:14,127 Better. 424 00:38:19,609 --> 00:38:22,578 Breathe deep. Again. 425 00:38:22,679 --> 00:38:24,670 Hold it. 426 00:38:24,747 --> 00:38:27,409 All right, you can turn around now. 427 00:38:30,086 --> 00:38:32,145 Breathe deep. 428 00:38:33,489 --> 00:38:35,548 Again. 429 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:40,361 All right, you can put your shirt on now. 430 00:38:40,430 --> 00:38:43,160 Well, Doctor? Does he pass? 431 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,634 Good. Now I'm worth a million dollars. 432 00:38:46,736 --> 00:38:49,933 That's only if you die before February 1st. 433 00:38:50,039 --> 00:38:52,564 Schedules, Goldie, always schedules. 434 00:38:53,409 --> 00:38:55,843 Can we take you to lunch, Doctor? 435 00:38:59,916 --> 00:39:04,751 And any seat you grab will be first class 436 00:39:04,821 --> 00:39:08,154 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 437 00:39:08,424 --> 00:39:11,188 Nah, that's no good either. Let's try this. 438 00:39:13,963 --> 00:39:16,830 - Measure 412. - I do the same as before? 439 00:39:16,933 --> 00:39:19,197 Yeah, same thing, only I'll be behind you. 440 00:39:19,269 --> 00:39:24,935 And any seat you grab will be first class 441 00:39:25,008 --> 00:39:28,239 Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 442 00:39:28,945 --> 00:39:33,678 All right, let's everybody try it. Grab a partner. Come on. 443 00:39:33,783 --> 00:39:35,944 OK, here we go. Ready? 444 00:39:36,452 --> 00:39:38,010 Five, six, seven, eight. 445 00:39:38,154 --> 00:39:44,354 And any seat you grab will be first class 446 00:39:44,427 --> 00:39:46,486 Five, six, seven... 447 00:39:49,465 --> 00:39:52,229 - Do it again. - Once more, everybody. 448 00:39:54,804 --> 00:39:57,796 Ready? Five, six, seven... 449 00:39:57,874 --> 00:40:02,368 And any seat you grab will be first class 450 00:40:02,445 --> 00:40:05,972 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 451 00:40:25,635 --> 00:40:27,694 OK. 452 00:40:28,504 --> 00:40:33,635 - OK, here we go. Once more, everybody. - I gotta get outta here. I'll be back later. 453 00:40:36,245 --> 00:40:39,214 - How does this look, Paul? - I love it, love it. 454 00:40:41,050 --> 00:40:43,143 No. It's too cute. 455 00:40:48,758 --> 00:40:50,453 Ah! Oh, shit. 456 00:40:56,332 --> 00:41:00,029 I can't go back to that room. I can't face those dancers. 457 00:41:01,437 --> 00:41:05,464 I'm stuck. They keep staring at me, and nothing's coming out. 458 00:41:05,541 --> 00:41:09,102 - Oh, boy, the number's lousy. - My song, lousy? 459 00:41:09,245 --> 00:41:13,045 No, not the song. Me, me, the way I'm staging it. 460 00:41:15,051 --> 00:41:19,511 - Maybe we should cut it. - Cut it? I think I'll leave. 461 00:41:19,789 --> 00:41:24,055 Paul, sit right there. Go back to bar 17. 462 00:41:27,363 --> 00:41:29,456 And... 463 00:41:34,137 --> 00:41:37,197 Did you hear what I said? Nothing is coming. 464 00:41:37,874 --> 00:41:43,938 Don't worry, Paul, he always says the same thing about every number, in every show. 465 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,547 Now how the hell do you know what I always say? 466 00:41:47,617 --> 00:41:51,713 - It would be better if I stepped outside. - Keep playing, Paul. 467 00:41:53,022 --> 00:41:57,982 I'm only doing this goddamn show because you wanna play that stupid 24-year-old girl. 468 00:41:58,094 --> 00:42:01,495 Oh, I knew sooner or later you'd say that. 469 00:42:01,564 --> 00:42:04,032 You do think I'm too old for the part. 470 00:42:05,234 --> 00:42:07,395 Well, you're wrong. 471 00:42:07,503 --> 00:42:11,940 I can play 24 years old, and I'll damn well prove it. 472 00:42:12,008 --> 00:42:14,738 You wanna quit the show? Quit the show. 473 00:42:15,244 --> 00:42:17,439 You don't have to do anything for me. 474 00:42:17,547 --> 00:42:25,511 Just don't kid yourself that you're doing this show for any reason except guilt about me. 475 00:42:25,922 --> 00:42:29,255 Guilt? What guilt? 476 00:42:29,826 --> 00:42:33,023 For never going one day when you were faithful to me? 477 00:42:33,129 --> 00:42:35,154 Oh, that guilt. 478 00:42:36,265 --> 00:42:40,531 Faithful, faithful... You're always talking about being faithful. 479 00:42:40,603 --> 00:42:43,265 Audrey, why do you think so small? 480 00:42:46,742 --> 00:42:50,872 Besides, how do I know you were faithful to me? 481 00:42:50,980 --> 00:42:54,677 - You know I was. - That's right, I know you were. 482 00:42:55,084 --> 00:42:58,485 - Oh, you meant to do that. - Yes, I did. 483 00:42:58,588 --> 00:43:03,423 You kept me working all the time. I never had a chance to cheat. 484 00:43:03,493 --> 00:43:05,961 What is this big hang-up about fidelity? 485 00:43:06,028 --> 00:43:09,896 What makes being faithful the greatest friggin' virtue in the world? 486 00:43:10,099 --> 00:43:11,464 Excuse me. 487 00:43:11,567 --> 00:43:14,764 Well, it is a great deal better 488 00:43:14,837 --> 00:43:18,068 than the meaningless affairs you keep tap-dancing through. 489 00:43:18,174 --> 00:43:21,371 Those Stacys, those Victorias... 490 00:43:21,444 --> 00:43:24,413 You're not even fooling Michelle with Victoria, you know. 491 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:29,577 - Straighten that leg. - It is as straight as it's ever going to get. 492 00:43:29,652 --> 00:43:33,088 Oh, the Bonnies, the Wendys, the Debbies, the Donnas... 493 00:43:33,189 --> 00:43:37,182 I can't even remember all their names. Give me a hand. 494 00:43:37,627 --> 00:43:39,595 Keep playing, Paul. 495 00:43:40,329 --> 00:43:45,995 Bet you can't either. Quick, tell me, what was the name of the girl in Philadelphia? 496 00:43:46,335 --> 00:43:48,735 The blonde with the television show? 497 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:55,500 Oh, the blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? 498 00:43:55,611 --> 00:43:59,342 I remember that girl's name. Because that girl meant something to me. 499 00:43:59,448 --> 00:44:03,646 The blonde with the television show, her name was Sweetheart. 500 00:44:07,023 --> 00:44:09,617 - Honey? - No. 501 00:44:10,459 --> 00:44:12,518 Baby? 502 00:44:13,696 --> 00:44:16,529 I can't remember her name. 503 00:44:16,632 --> 00:44:18,930 Dorothy. 504 00:44:19,035 --> 00:44:21,731 - Dorothy. - Who cares? 505 00:44:21,837 --> 00:44:24,271 I can't remember her name. 506 00:44:29,111 --> 00:44:31,705 The number's lookin' good. 507 00:44:31,781 --> 00:44:33,874 Keep working. 508 00:44:38,988 --> 00:44:43,550 - Is he gonna cut the number? - No, I don't think so, Paul. 509 00:44:43,659 --> 00:44:46,287 He's gonna cut it. He's gonna cut it. 510 00:44:48,364 --> 00:44:53,927 Oh, God, that man. He's gonna drive me crazy. 511 00:45:08,551 --> 00:45:10,485 It's showtime, folks. 512 00:45:15,992 --> 00:45:19,291 It's... it's not quite ready yet. 513 00:45:19,395 --> 00:45:23,422 And, Paul, it's not exactly the way we talked about it. 514 00:45:23,532 --> 00:45:25,966 - Hm? - It's a little different. 515 00:45:26,035 --> 00:45:28,833 - Mind doing that somewhere else? - Sorry. 516 00:45:28,938 --> 00:45:32,430 If you wanna come in, I'll show it to you in about five minutes. 517 00:45:32,742 --> 00:45:35,176 I wanna get a drink of water. 518 00:46:06,876 --> 00:46:10,972 Take off with us 519 00:46:12,348 --> 00:46:17,615 Take off with us 520 00:46:17,753 --> 00:46:19,220 We're warmin' up so 521 00:46:19,288 --> 00:46:21,085 We're warmin' up 522 00:46:21,190 --> 00:46:24,353 NY to LA 523 00:46:24,860 --> 00:46:27,852 Going all the way 524 00:46:27,963 --> 00:46:30,591 Won't you climb aboard 525 00:46:30,666 --> 00:46:36,400 You'll ride as smooth as glass 526 00:46:36,672 --> 00:46:39,368 Glass 527 00:46:40,042 --> 00:46:43,307 Meet our friendly, eager crew 528 00:46:46,315 --> 00:46:49,842 They only live to service you 529 00:46:49,919 --> 00:46:53,685 Service, service, service you 530 00:46:53,789 --> 00:46:57,623 This flight, this flight comes complete 531 00:46:57,693 --> 00:47:00,491 With your choice of seat 532 00:47:00,796 --> 00:47:08,794 And any seat you grab will be first class 533 00:47:12,842 --> 00:47:16,039 Up there, where the clouds are pillowy 534 00:47:16,112 --> 00:47:19,513 You're as close to heaven as you'll ever be 535 00:47:19,849 --> 00:47:21,908 Lean back, relax 536 00:47:22,885 --> 00:47:25,854 Here come the snacks 537 00:47:25,921 --> 00:47:28,890 Drop your diet, have a fall 538 00:47:28,958 --> 00:47:32,689 Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop with one 539 00:47:36,031 --> 00:47:43,432 Try 'em all 540 00:47:43,539 --> 00:47:47,031 The music's ready to begin 541 00:47:51,881 --> 00:47:55,078 Take out your headset, plug it in 542 00:47:55,317 --> 00:47:58,081 What's your answer, chum? 543 00:47:58,788 --> 00:48:01,689 Are you gonna come? 544 00:48:01,757 --> 00:48:04,885 On the coolest, hottest 545 00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,326 Coolest, hottest 546 00:48:07,396 --> 00:48:14,893 Coolest, hottest trip that's ever been 547 00:48:22,077 --> 00:48:24,136 Lean back, relax 548 00:48:27,016 --> 00:48:31,953 Thanks, thanks a lot, but it's not exactly over yet. Murray? 549 00:48:32,087 --> 00:48:34,487 Smoke, smoke. 550 00:48:34,590 --> 00:48:37,787 Smoke... Smoke... 551 00:48:39,094 --> 00:48:42,325 The lights go down and a light comes up over there. 552 00:48:43,132 --> 00:48:48,365 Welcome. Welcome aboard Air Rotica. 553 00:48:48,437 --> 00:48:52,237 Take off with us 554 00:48:52,942 --> 00:48:55,410 Flying not only coast to coast,... 555 00:48:55,511 --> 00:48:59,743 .. but anywhere your desires and fantasies wish to take you. 556 00:48:59,815 --> 00:49:03,717 Take off with us 557 00:49:04,553 --> 00:49:07,215 Let us all get to know one another. 558 00:49:07,423 --> 00:49:12,918 - Remember, we can take you anywhere. - They're taking their clothes off. 559 00:49:12,995 --> 00:49:14,257 Mm-hm. 560 00:49:14,363 --> 00:49:19,164 Just reach out your hand and introduce yourselves. 561 00:49:19,635 --> 00:49:22,661 - My name is Sandahl. - My name is Autumn. 562 00:49:24,273 --> 00:49:26,833 - My name is Jennifer. - My name is Rima. 563 00:49:27,243 --> 00:49:29,177 - Gary. - John. 564 00:49:51,300 --> 00:49:55,498 Uh-oh. I think we Just lost the family audience. 565 00:51:14,516 --> 00:51:16,484 - My name is Candace. - My name is Jennifer. 566 00:51:16,552 --> 00:51:18,349 - My name is Rima. - My name is Danny. 567 00:51:18,454 --> 00:51:20,354 - My name is Otto. - My name's Sam. 568 00:51:20,456 --> 00:51:22,390 - My name is John. - My name is Gary. 569 00:51:26,195 --> 00:51:30,689 And don't forget about our group fun, fun, fun plan. 570 00:52:40,402 --> 00:52:43,132 Now Sinatra will never record it. 571 00:53:33,789 --> 00:53:38,385 Then an actor comes out from the side of the stage and says... 572 00:53:39,228 --> 00:53:42,095 - "Not once, during any of our flights... " - Goodbye. 573 00:53:42,197 --> 00:53:44,791 - See you around. - Hope to see you again real soon. 574 00:53:44,900 --> 00:53:48,597 ".. of any real human communication. " 575 00:53:48,670 --> 00:53:50,501 - Well, uh... - Goodbye. 576 00:53:50,606 --> 00:53:55,043 "Our motto is: we take you everywhere, but get you nowhere. " 577 00:54:02,951 --> 00:54:07,854 Boy, I hate to hurt his feelings, but we can't have that on a stage. 578 00:54:09,258 --> 00:54:11,317 Take five. 579 00:54:17,699 --> 00:54:19,758 Well? 580 00:54:20,836 --> 00:54:24,567 Yeah, it's, um... it's, uh... 581 00:54:26,842 --> 00:54:28,639 interesting. 582 00:54:28,710 --> 00:54:30,871 Yes, very interesting. 583 00:54:30,979 --> 00:54:33,311 Did you like it? 584 00:54:33,382 --> 00:54:36,351 - It's unusual. - Mm-hm, very unusual. 585 00:54:48,497 --> 00:54:52,194 Oh, I don't think they liked it. 586 00:54:54,369 --> 00:54:56,462 What do you think? 587 00:54:57,072 --> 00:55:02,772 I don't know about the audiences, but I think it's the best work you've ever done. 588 00:55:08,550 --> 00:55:10,609 You son of a bitch. 589 00:55:13,388 --> 00:55:18,883 Jesus Christ! Sex, sex, sex - can't he ever think of anything else but sex? 590 00:55:19,595 --> 00:55:22,530 That's his sickness. 591 00:55:25,801 --> 00:55:29,293 Nah, nothin' I ever do is good enough. 592 00:55:29,371 --> 00:55:34,399 It's not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough... 593 00:55:34,509 --> 00:55:36,841 It's not anything enough. 594 00:55:37,346 --> 00:55:41,908 Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. 595 00:55:42,017 --> 00:55:47,785 I mean, that's perfect. I wanna look up to God and say "How the hell did you do that?" 596 00:55:47,856 --> 00:55:52,987 - "And why the hell can't I do that?" - That's probably one of your better con lines. 597 00:55:53,061 --> 00:55:56,394 Yeah, it is. But that doesn't mean I don't mean it. 598 00:55:57,432 --> 00:55:59,593 If I were God... 599 00:55:59,668 --> 00:56:02,159 Sometimes I think I am... 600 00:56:03,872 --> 00:56:06,340 Depends on the shit you're smoking... 601 00:56:06,408 --> 00:56:10,845 If I were God, man, everybody would live forever. 602 00:56:10,946 --> 00:56:15,076 No death, man. No pennies on the eyes for anybody. 603 00:56:15,183 --> 00:56:17,879 You know, man, death is really a hip thing now. 604 00:56:18,387 --> 00:56:20,184 Death is in. 605 00:56:20,255 --> 00:56:25,750 Books, magazine articles, TV shows, Ken and Barbie dolls with a mutual suicide pact... 606 00:56:25,827 --> 00:56:27,852 Buried them in a little shoebox. 607 00:56:27,963 --> 00:56:32,491 Knew a guy who bought a pair of them. He was into doll necrophilia. 608 00:56:33,969 --> 00:56:36,096 If it cuts... 609 00:56:36,204 --> 00:56:39,799 - All right, little thing. Oooh! - It's terrific. 610 00:56:39,875 --> 00:56:45,040 There's a lady in Chicago, man, wrote a book. Dr K�bler-Ross, with a dash. 611 00:56:45,113 --> 00:56:49,311 This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, 612 00:56:50,052 --> 00:56:53,249 has broken the process of death into five stages. 613 00:56:53,322 --> 00:56:56,416 Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 614 00:56:56,491 --> 00:56:58,823 - That's it. - Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 615 00:56:58,894 --> 00:57:03,331 - Got time to make some changes? - Not and make the screening tonight, no. 616 00:57:03,432 --> 00:57:07,095 - I cannot believe people are gonna see this. - Neither can I. 617 00:57:07,202 --> 00:57:10,103 - It's a bomb. - Really? 618 00:57:10,205 --> 00:57:15,336 Yeah, really. You'll have to make a speech. Tell 'em it's a rough cut, we're not finished... 619 00:57:15,444 --> 00:57:18,470 - Tell 'em any excuse you can think of. - Why don't you tell 'em? 620 00:57:18,547 --> 00:57:22,313 - I'm not gonna be there. - You're not coming? Where you gonna be? 621 00:57:22,417 --> 00:57:26,877 Hiding someplace, probably vomiting, or drinking, or both. 622 00:57:26,955 --> 00:57:29,355 We'll start recutting Monday morning. 623 00:57:30,292 --> 00:57:32,283 They bought that love story? 624 00:57:32,361 --> 00:57:35,956 Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't answering the phone. 625 00:57:36,164 --> 00:57:38,155 I think they told me they liked it. 626 00:57:38,266 --> 00:57:43,294 Just wasn't answering the phone... Come on, don't bullshit a bullshitter. 627 00:57:43,638 --> 00:57:46,129 No, I don't believe you either. 628 00:57:46,241 --> 00:57:49,677 I'll have her home by 10:30, don't worry. Bye. 629 00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:54,273 Oh, shit. 630 00:57:57,319 --> 00:58:01,949 Hello. Stacy? Oh, listen, I'm sorry. I'm in a meeting. 631 00:58:02,057 --> 00:58:04,548 Just don't panic on the staircase. 632 00:58:04,993 --> 00:58:09,157 At least three people said how much they liked the screening. 633 00:58:10,365 --> 00:58:14,358 One was my producer, one was my lawyer and one was Michelle's mother. 634 00:58:14,469 --> 00:58:18,872 Oh, Joe, everybody loved it. We tried to tell you that last night. You wouldn't listen. 635 00:58:18,940 --> 00:58:22,706 You know, that was the first R-rated movie I ever saw, and I loved it. 636 00:58:22,778 --> 00:58:26,270 - Did you understand it? - Well, I understood everything 637 00:58:26,348 --> 00:58:30,614 except the part where the two girls were in bed together and they were kissing. 638 00:58:30,719 --> 00:58:32,744 What was that supposed to mean? 639 00:58:32,821 --> 00:58:34,914 - Is dinner ready yet? - No. 640 00:58:35,023 --> 00:58:39,960 - What was that supposed to mean? - Well, Michelle, uh, 641 00:58:40,028 --> 00:58:42,519 there are certain women who... 642 00:58:42,597 --> 00:58:44,963 - Who...? - Thanks a lot. 643 00:58:47,102 --> 00:58:51,698 There are certain women who Just don't relate to men, so they... 644 00:58:51,773 --> 00:58:55,937 I think lesbian scenes are a big turnoff. 645 00:58:58,980 --> 00:59:00,572 I shoulda cut it. 646 00:59:01,783 --> 00:59:05,219 - What's goin' on here? - Never mind. You'll find out. 647 00:59:06,354 --> 00:59:09,255 - Couldn't I be doin' somethin'? - Just turn off the lights when we tell you. 648 00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,659 - Turn on the phonograph when we tell you. - Yes, ma'am. 649 00:59:17,599 --> 00:59:19,658 Oh, no, don't... 650 00:59:22,471 --> 00:59:24,996 - Where'd you get those hats? - Not tellin' ya. 651 00:59:25,073 --> 00:59:28,008 That's for us to know and for you to find out. 652 00:59:28,643 --> 00:59:34,240 - Oh, the lights, lights, lights. - Joe, could you turn off the lights, please? 653 00:59:34,983 --> 00:59:37,543 Now turn on those whachamacallit lights. 654 00:59:38,220 --> 00:59:40,279 Yes, ma'am. 655 00:59:47,762 --> 00:59:48,990 Crash! 656 00:59:49,064 --> 00:59:54,798 Ladies and gentlemen, in honor of El Stinko, El Blotto's screening 657 00:59:54,870 --> 00:59:57,703 of Joe Gideon's new film, The Standup, 658 00:59:57,806 --> 01:00:02,766 we are proud to present those two dancing sensations Jagger and Gideon! 659 01:00:02,844 --> 01:00:06,780 - Gideon and Jagger. - Gideon and Jagger. 660 01:00:06,848 --> 01:00:10,511 Give us our music, Joe. In an underrehearsed tribute. 661 01:00:10,619 --> 01:00:13,918 - Sit down, Joe, sit down. - Sit down, Daddy. 662 01:00:17,392 --> 01:00:19,451 And... go! 663 01:00:21,496 --> 01:00:24,397 - I'm nervous. - I'm nervous too. 664 01:00:28,403 --> 01:00:30,837 Let's go, let's go. 665 01:00:41,883 --> 01:00:44,750 When trumpets... were mellow 666 01:00:45,453 --> 01:00:48,911 And everyone only had one fellow 667 01:00:49,024 --> 01:00:52,016 No need to remember when 668 01:00:52,093 --> 01:00:55,221 cos everything old is new again 669 01:00:55,330 --> 01:00:58,356 I said everything old is new again 670 01:00:58,466 --> 01:01:03,369 Dancin' at your... Long Island jazz-age parties 671 01:01:03,471 --> 01:01:06,167 Waiter, let me have some more Bacardis 672 01:01:06,775 --> 01:01:09,767 Let's order now what they ordered then 673 01:01:09,878 --> 01:01:12,972 cos everything old is new again 674 01:01:13,782 --> 01:01:17,343 - Get out your white suit, tap shoes and tails - Scoop, scoop... 675 01:01:17,452 --> 01:01:20,717 - Let's go backward when forward fails - Strut. 676 01:01:20,789 --> 01:01:24,384 Movie stars that you thought are long-dead 677 01:01:24,492 --> 01:01:28,121 - Now are framed beside your bed - Look familiar, Joe? 678 01:01:29,064 --> 01:01:31,532 Don't throw the past away 679 01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,467 You might need it some rainy day 680 01:01:35,103 --> 01:01:37,936 Dreams can come true again 681 01:01:38,006 --> 01:01:41,498 cos everything old is new again 682 01:01:41,576 --> 01:01:44,909 I said everything old is new again 683 01:01:44,980 --> 01:01:49,110 Get out your white suit, your tap shoes and tails 684 01:01:49,184 --> 01:01:52,415 Let's go backward when forward fails 685 01:01:52,887 --> 01:01:55,412 Leave Greta Garbo alone 686 01:01:55,523 --> 01:01:58,924 - Go get him! - Be a movie star on your own 687 01:01:58,994 --> 01:02:02,953 And don't throw... don't throw the past away 688 01:02:03,031 --> 01:02:06,489 Oh, we're all gonna need it some rainy day 689 01:02:07,402 --> 01:02:09,597 Dreams can come true again 690 01:02:09,704 --> 01:02:13,105 Well, everything old is new again 691 01:02:13,174 --> 01:02:16,905 I said everything old is new again