1
00:00:28,630 --> 00:00:33,828
# When I was just a little girl

2
00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:39,064
# I asked my mother, what will I be?

3
00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:42,744
# Will I be pretty?

4
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:45,264
# Will I be rich?

5
00:00:45,350 --> 00:00:49,662
# Here's what she said to me

6
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:53,868
# Qu� ser�, ser�

7
00:00:53,950 --> 00:00:59,422
# Whatever will be, will be

8
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:04,823
# The future's not ours to see

9
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:07,788
# Qu� ser�, ser�

10
00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:13,505
# What will be, will be

11
00:01:14,870 --> 00:01:19,819
# When I was just a child in school

12
00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:25,985
# I asked my teacher, what should I try?

13
00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:28,868
# Should I paint pictures?

14
00:01:28,950 --> 00:01:31,544
# Should I sing songs?

15
00:01:31,630 --> 00:01:35,589
# This was her wise reply

16
00:01:35,670 --> 00:01:39,902
# Qu� ser�, ser�

17
00:01:39,990 --> 00:01:44,939
# Whatever will be, will be

18
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:49,945
# The future's not ours to see

19
00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:54,182
# Qu� ser�, ser�

20
00:01:55,190 --> 00:02:01,106
# What will be, will be... #

21
00:02:05,265 --> 00:02:07,256
Damn.

22
00:02:07,345 --> 00:02:09,301
It's your turn, Heather.

23
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:15,062
No, Heather. It's Heather's turn.

24
00:02:15,150 --> 00:02:17,106
Heather.

25
00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:21,102
Sorry, Heather.

26
00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:25,866
# Qu� ser�, ser�

27
00:02:25,950 --> 00:02:31,308
# Whatever will be, will be

28
00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:36,020
# The future's not ours to see

29
00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:40,945
# Qu� ser�, ser�

30
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:46,024
# What will be, will be

31
00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:53,460
# Qu� ser�, ser� #

32
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:06,581
Dear diary...

33
00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:10,458
'Heather told me
she teaches people real life.

34
00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:14,020
'She said real life sucks losers dry.

35
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:18,820
'If you want to fuck with the eagles,
you have to learn to fly.

36
00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:23,108
'I said, "So, you teach people
to spread their wings and fly?"

37
00:03:23,190 --> 00:03:25,101
'She said, "Yes."

38
00:03:25,190 --> 00:03:27,624
'I said, "You're beautiful..."'

39
00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:30,224
God, come on, Veronica.

40
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,301
What is your damage, Heather?

41
00:03:32,390 --> 00:03:34,187
Don't blame me, blame Heather.

42
00:03:34,270 --> 00:03:37,023
She told me to haul your ass
into the caff pronto.

43
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:38,338
Back me up, Heather.

44
00:03:38,430 --> 00:03:41,388
She really wants to talk to you, Veronica.

45
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:44,667
OK, I'm going. Jesus Christ.

46
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,021
Hello, Heather.

47
00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:59,101
Veronica. Finally.

48
00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:01,863
I got a note of Kurt Kelly's.

49
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,863
I need you to forge a hot and horny
but realistic note in Kurt's handwriting.

50
00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:08,623
We'll slip it onto
Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray.

51
00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:11,702
I don't have anything
against Martha Dunnstock.

52
00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:13,860
You don't have anything for her.

53
00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:16,100
Come on. It'll be very.

54
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:20,502
The note will give her shower nozzle
masturbation material for weeks.

55
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,270
I'll think about it.

56
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,316
Don't think.

57
00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:35,507
Veronica needs something to write on.
Bend over.

58
00:04:42,430 --> 00:04:45,422
Dear Martha, you're so sweet...

59
00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:48,183
I'm telling you, man, it'd so be righteous

60
00:04:48,270 --> 00:04:51,706
to be in a Veronica Sawyer -
Heather Chandler sandwich.

61
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,621
Hell, yes.

62
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:57,862
I want to put a Heather on my johnson
and spin her around like a pinwheel.

63
00:04:57,950 --> 00:04:59,429
Punch it in.

64
00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,828
Westerburg feeds the world.
Come on, people.

65
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:34,505
Give that leftover lunch money
to people who don't have lunches.

66
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:37,150
God, aren't they fed yet?

67
00:05:37,230 --> 00:05:40,063
Do they even have thanksgiving in Africa?

68
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:43,665
Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots.

69
00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:45,661
It's a real party continent.

70
00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:47,980
Sawyer, guess what today is.

71
00:05:48,070 --> 00:05:50,868
Ouch. Lunch-time poll?
What's the question?

72
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,384
Yeah, what's the question, Heather?

73
00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:57,349
God, you were with me in study hall
when I thought of it.

74
00:05:57,430 --> 00:05:59,944
I forgot.

75
00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:02,590
Such a pillowcase.

76
00:06:03,790 --> 00:06:08,306
It's not that bizarro thing you were babbling
about over the phone last night, is it?

77
00:06:08,390 --> 00:06:10,028
Of course it is.

78
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:16,629
I told Dennis if he gives me another
political topic, I'd spew burrito chunks.

79
00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:25,942
Oh, Veronica, I'm sorry.

80
00:06:26,030 --> 00:06:27,748
Betty Finn. Gosh.

81
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:31,345
I'm sorry I couldn't go
to your birthday party last month.

82
00:06:31,430 --> 00:06:34,342
It's OK. Your mom said you had a big date.

83
00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:37,388
I'd probably miss my own birthday for a date.

84
00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:39,426
Don't say that.

85
00:06:39,510 --> 00:06:44,584
I was looking around the other day
and I dug up these old photographs.

86
00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:48,066
Oh. They're great.

87
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:50,186
Come on, Veronica.

88
00:06:50,270 --> 00:06:52,386
I was talking to somebody.

89
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,186
(Slurps)

90
00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:01,260
Great. Here comes Heather.

91
00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,580
Oh, shit.

92
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:06,901
- Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan.
- Thanks.

93
00:07:06,990 --> 00:07:08,946
I got it last night at The Limited.

94
00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:12,545
Like, totally blew my allowance.

95
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:17,067
Check this out. You win $5 million
from the Publisher Sweepstakes

96
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:19,789
and the same day
the guy gives you the cheque,

97
00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:25,820
aliens land on the earth and say they'll blow
up the world in two days. What do you do?

98
00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:27,502
That's easy.

99
00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:31,139
I'd just slide that wad over to my father

100
00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:34,188
because he's one of the state's top brokers.

101
00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:38,058
If I got that money,
I'd give it all to the homeless.

102
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:39,788
Every cent.

103
00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:42,826
You're beautiful.

104
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:47,744
If you're going to openly be a bitch...

105
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:50,822
Why can't we talk to
kinds of different people?

106
00:07:50,910 --> 00:07:54,698
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Do I look like Mother Teresa?

107
00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:58,419
If I did, I probably wouldn't mind
talking to the geek squad.

108
00:08:01,910 --> 00:08:05,664
Did see that? Heather number one
just looked right at me.

109
00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:09,663
Does it not bother you that
everybody thinks you're a piranha?

110
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,706
Like I give a shit.

111
00:08:11,790 --> 00:08:14,623
They all want me as a friend or a fuck.

112
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:17,986
I'm worshiped at Westerburg
and I'm only a junior.

113
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:32,505
I can't believe this, we're going to a party
at Remington University tonight

114
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:37,710
and we're brushing up on our conversational
skills with the scum of the school.

115
00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:39,939
Hi.

116
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:42,149
Hi.

117
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:46,347
So this is what's called a lunch-time poll.

118
00:08:46,430 --> 00:08:49,467
You win $5 million
in the Publisher Sweepstakes

119
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:52,348
and the same day whatshisface
gives you the cheque

120
00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:54,227
aliens land on earth

121
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,062
and say they'll blow up the world
in two days.

122
00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:58,710
What are you going to do with the money?

123
00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:00,348
I'd go to Egypt.

124
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:01,988
With a girl.

125
00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:05,506
I'd use the money for
an end-of-the-world get-together.

126
00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:08,309
I'd pay Madonna a million bucks
to sit on my face

127
00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:10,346
and ride like the Kentucky Derby.

128
00:09:10,430 --> 00:09:13,581
That's the most spooky-assed question
I ever heard.

129
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:16,468
After taxes, I'll only be getting...

130
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:18,347
She should pay me, though.

131
00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:23,185
You go to the zoo and get a lion and
put a remote control bomb up its butt...

132
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:25,943
Then there's social security, legal fees...

133
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:30,069
Push the button on the bomb
and you and the lion die like one.

134
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:33,340
What?

135
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,027
Oh, my God. Here we go.

136
00:09:57,230 --> 00:10:00,142
Oh, my God.

137
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:02,698
(Hysterical laughter)

138
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:25,186
Hi, Veronica.
Five keeps an infant alive.

139
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:31,580
You wanted to be a member of
the most powerful clique in school.

140
00:10:31,670 --> 00:10:35,265
If I wasn't already the head of it,
I'd want the same thing.

141
00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:37,466
Come on, Veronica.

142
00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:39,745
You used to have a sense of humour.

143
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:46,379
Veronica, could you
come back here a minute?

144
00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:48,745
A true friend's work is never done.

145
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:51,139
- Gross.
- Gross.

146
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:54,666
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.

147
00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:58,345
- Maybe you should see a doctor.
- Yeah, maybe.

148
00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:02,503
Come on, Heather,
let's take another look at today's lunch.

149
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,143
God, Veronica, drool much?

150
00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:22,300
His name's Jason Dean.

151
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,346
He's in my American History.

152
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:36,706
Hello, Jason Dean.

153
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:39,907
Greetings and salutations.

154
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,106
Are you a Heather?

155
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:43,259
No.

156
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:46,706
I'm a Veronica. Sawyer.

157
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:51,102
This may seem like
a really stupid question...

158
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,385
There are no stupid questions.

159
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:59,389
You inherit $5 million.
The same day aliens land on the earth

160
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:03,304
and say they're going to blow it up
in two days. What do you do?

161
00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:08,982
That's the stupidest question
I've ever heard.

162
00:12:09,070 --> 00:12:12,540
Who's that guy in the coat
think he is anyways?

163
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:14,302
Bo Diddley?

164
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:16,824
Veronica's into his act, no doubt.

165
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,947
I don't know. Probably row out
to the middle of a lake,

166
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,498
bring along a bottle of tequila,

167
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:25,662
my sax and some Bach.

168
00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:28,743
How very.

169
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:33,186
Come on, Veronica.

170
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:35,944
Later.

171
00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:37,986
Definitely.

172
00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:43,181
Let's kick his ass.

173
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,306
Shit, Ram, we're seniors, man.

174
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,824
We're too old for kind of that kind of crap.

175
00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:51,265
Let's give him a good scare, though.

176
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:58,982
You going to eat this?

177
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:03,302
What did your boyfriend say when you told
him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?

178
00:13:03,390 --> 00:13:05,540
Answer him, dick.

179
00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:09,987
Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria
have a "no fags allowed" rule?

180
00:13:10,070 --> 00:13:14,746
They seem to have an open-door policy
for assholes, though, don't they?

181
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:19,381
What did you say, dickhead?

182
00:13:19,470 --> 00:13:21,938
I'll repeat myself.

183
00:13:26,355 --> 00:13:30,667
They won't expel him, they'll just
suspend him for a week or something.

184
00:13:30,755 --> 00:13:34,828
He used a real gun.
They should throw his ass in jail.

185
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:37,475
(Veronica) No way. He used blanks.

186
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:41,070
All JD really did was ruin two pairs of pants.

187
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:43,111
Maybe not even that.

188
00:13:43,195 --> 00:13:45,470
Can you bleach out urine stains?

189
00:13:45,555 --> 00:13:50,675
You seem pretty amused. I thought
you had given up on high school guys.

190
00:13:50,755 --> 00:13:52,746
Never say never.

191
00:13:55,195 --> 00:13:57,265
What are you going to do, Heather?

192
00:13:57,355 --> 00:14:00,631
Take the two shots or send me out?

193
00:14:02,315 --> 00:14:04,590
Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast?

194
00:14:04,675 --> 00:14:07,394
First you ask if you can be red,

195
00:14:07,475 --> 00:14:09,591
knowing that I'm always red.

196
00:14:14,195 --> 00:14:15,423
Shit.

197
00:14:16,995 --> 00:14:18,906
It's your turn, Heather.

198
00:14:24,435 --> 00:14:26,391
Easy shot, Heather.

199
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:28,591
No way, no day.

200
00:14:28,675 --> 00:14:31,348
Give it up, girl.

201
00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:41,550
- Holy shit.
- Incredible!

202
00:14:41,635 --> 00:14:43,512
Whoo!

203
00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:47,986
So tonight's the night. Are you two excited?

204
00:14:48,075 --> 00:14:50,270
I'm giving Veronica her shot,

205
00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:52,664
her first Remington party.

206
00:14:52,755 --> 00:14:54,825
You blow it tonight, girl,

207
00:14:54,915 --> 00:14:57,475
and it's keggers with kids all next year.

208
00:15:10,115 --> 00:15:11,434
Why?

209
00:15:11,515 --> 00:15:12,504
Why not?

210
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:15,907
Heather, your mother's here.

211
00:15:15,995 --> 00:15:18,225
Come on, whoever wants a ride.

212
00:15:20,835 --> 00:15:24,748
- Bye. Thank you.
- Bye-bye, girls.

213
00:15:24,835 --> 00:15:27,668
Hey, take a break, Veronica. Sit down.

214
00:15:28,875 --> 00:15:33,391
So what was the first week
of spring vacation withdrawal like?

215
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,431
I don't know. It was OK, I guess.

216
00:15:35,515 --> 00:15:38,393
Hey, kid, isn't the prom coming up?

217
00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:41,113
I guess.

218
00:15:41,195 --> 00:15:43,265
Any contestants worth mentioning?

219
00:15:43,355 --> 00:15:44,913
Maybe.

220
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:48,271
There's kind of
a dark horse in the running.

221
00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:52,751
God, will somebody tell me
why I read these spy novels?

222
00:15:52,835 --> 00:15:55,144
Because you're an idiot.

223
00:15:55,235 --> 00:15:57,590
Oh, yeah, that's it.

224
00:15:57,675 --> 00:15:59,984
You two...

225
00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:04,785
Great p�t�, but I gotta motor
if I want to be ready for that party tonight.

226
00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:09,822
Corn nuts!

227
00:16:09,910 --> 00:16:11,229
BQ or plain?

228
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:13,062
BQ!

229
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:19,867
You're going to pull a super-chug with that?

230
00:16:20,950 --> 00:16:25,148
No, but if you're nice,
I'll let you buy me a slushie.

231
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:29,143
I see you know
your convenience-speak pretty well.

232
00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:33,223
Yeah, well, I've been
moved around all my life.

233
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:37,144
Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas...

234
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,346
Sherwood, Ohio.

235
00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:42,308
There's always been
a Snappy Snack Shack.

236
00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:47,862
Any town, any time, pop a ham and cheese
in the microwave and feast on a turbo-dog.

237
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:50,741
Keeps me sane.

238
00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:53,502
Really?

239
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:59,702
That thing you pulled in the caff today
was pretty severe.

240
00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:03,988
Yeah, well, the extreme
always seems to make an impression.

241
00:17:07,790 --> 00:17:10,020
Did you say a cherry or Coke slushie?

242
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:13,420
I didn't. Cherry.

243
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:21,988
Great bike.

244
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:26,746
Yeah. Just a humble perk
from my dad's construction company.

245
00:17:26,830 --> 00:17:28,582
Seen the commercial, right?

246
00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:31,707
"Bringing every state to a higher state."

247
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,746
Wait a minute. Jason Dean.

248
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:36,390
Your pop's Big Bud Dean Construction?

249
00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:39,587
It must be rough moving place to place.

250
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:43,549
Everybody's life has got static.
Is your life perfect?

251
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:46,622
Yeah. I'm going to
a Remington University party.

252
00:17:46,710 --> 00:17:49,907
- Hmm.
- (Horn honks)

253
00:17:49,990 --> 00:17:53,107
No, my life's not perfect.

254
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,226
I don't really like my friends.

255
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:59,098
Yeah, uh, I don't really like
your friends, either.

256
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:04,506
Well, it's just like they're people I work with

257
00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:07,662
and our job is being popular and shit.

258
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:11,663
Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

259
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:24,865
Hello, ladies.
Throw your coats on the floor.

260
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,861
Veronica, this is Brad.

261
00:18:26,950 --> 00:18:28,349
Excellent.

262
00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:31,627
(Brad) Did you girls bring
your partying slippers?

263
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:34,622
- Let's party.
- She loves to party.

264
00:18:40,470 --> 00:18:43,109
'Dear diary, I want to kill,

265
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,387
'and it's for more than just selfish reasons.

266
00:18:46,470 --> 00:18:49,223
'More than a spoke in my menstrual cycle.

267
00:18:49,310 --> 00:18:51,141
'You have to believe me.'

268
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:55,587
It's so great to talk to a girl
and not have to ask "what's your major?"

269
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:57,626
I hate that.

270
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:06,139
So, when you go to college,

271
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:08,903
what subjects do you think you'll study?

272
00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:14,787
Come on, David.
Shouldn't we get back to the party?

273
00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:16,508
We will.

274
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,468
It's just you're so hot tonight.

275
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:21,506
I can't control myself.

276
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:35,426
'I can't explain it but
I'm allowed an understanding

277
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:40,106
'that my parents and these
Remington assholes have chosen to ignore.

278
00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:42,658
'I understand that I must stop Heather.'

279
00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,585
How's my little cheerleader, huh?

280
00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:26,430
Oh, I know everyone
at your high school isn't so uptight.

281
00:20:26,510 --> 00:20:29,468
- Come on.
- I don't feel so good, OK?

282
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,462
Let's do it on the coats.
It'll be excellent, huh?

283
00:20:32,550 --> 00:20:34,939
I have a prepared speech I tell my suitor

284
00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:37,749
when he wants more
than I'd like to give him.

285
00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:39,707
Gee, blank, I had a really nice...

286
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:42,258
Save the speeches for Malcolm X.

287
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:46,586
I just want to get laid.

288
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:50,824
You don't deserve my fucking speech.

289
00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:54,909
'Betty Finn was a true friend
and I sold her out

290
00:20:54,990 --> 00:20:57,823
'for a bunch of Swatchdogs
and Diet Cokeheads.

291
00:20:57,910 --> 00:21:01,585
'Killing Heather would be like offing
the Wicked Witch of the West.

292
00:21:01,670 --> 00:21:04,867
'Wait, East. West!
I sound like a fucking psycho.'

293
00:21:16,030 --> 00:21:19,545
What's your damage?
Brad says you're being a cooze.

294
00:21:19,630 --> 00:21:23,509
I feel really sick, like I'm gonna throw up.
Can we please jam now?

295
00:21:23,590 --> 00:21:25,342
No. Hell, no.

296
00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:30,705
(Retching)

297
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:39,906
'Tomorrow I'll be kissing
her aerobicised ass

298
00:21:39,990 --> 00:21:43,619
'but tonight let me dream of
a world without Heather,

299
00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:45,826
'a world where I am free.'

300
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:54,820
You stupid fuck.

301
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:57,299
You goddamn bitch.

302
00:21:57,390 --> 00:22:02,020
You were nothing before you met me.
You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn.

303
00:22:02,110 --> 00:22:05,580
You were a Bluebird, you were a Brownie,

304
00:22:05,670 --> 00:22:08,309
you were a Girl Scout Cookie.

305
00:22:08,390 --> 00:22:11,029
I got you into a Remington party.

306
00:22:11,110 --> 00:22:14,819
What's my thanks?
It's on the hallway carpet.

307
00:22:14,910 --> 00:22:16,707
I got paid in puke.

308
00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:20,100
Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.

309
00:22:21,710 --> 00:22:23,780
Monday morning you're history.

310
00:22:23,870 --> 00:22:26,100
I'll tell everyone about tonight.

311
00:22:26,190 --> 00:22:29,466
Transfer to Washington,
transfer to Jefferson,

312
00:22:29,550 --> 00:22:34,066
no one at Westerburg's gonna let you
play their reindeer games.

313
00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:45,702
Dreadful etiquette. I apologise.

314
00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,302
That's OK.

315
00:22:50,590 --> 00:22:54,629
I saw the croquet set up in the back.
You up for a match?

316
00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:06,859
Mmm! I thank you.

317
00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:11,307
That was my first game of strip croquet.

318
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,381
You're welcome.

319
00:23:13,470 --> 00:23:17,179
It's a lot more interesting
than just flinging off your clothes

320
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,830
and boning away
on a neighbour's swing set.

321
00:23:19,910 --> 00:23:22,378
There's lots to be said for throwing off...

322
00:23:22,470 --> 00:23:24,222
Ow!

323
00:23:26,590 --> 00:23:28,626
What a night.

324
00:23:28,710 --> 00:23:30,541
What a life.

325
00:23:30,630 --> 00:23:34,145
They wanted to move me
into high school out of the sixth grade

326
00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:37,063
because I was supposed to be
this big genius.

327
00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:39,141
Then we decided to chuck the idea

328
00:23:39,230 --> 00:23:43,018
because I'd have trouble
making friends, blah, blah, blah.

329
00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:45,146
Now blah, blah, blah is all I do.

330
00:23:45,230 --> 00:23:48,222
I use my grand IQ
to decide what colour gloss to wear

331
00:23:48,310 --> 00:23:51,188
and how to hit three keggers before curfew.

332
00:24:00,430 --> 00:24:04,309
Heather Chandler is one bitch
that deserves to die.

333
00:24:04,390 --> 00:24:06,665
Killing her won't solve anything.

334
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:11,461
I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

335
00:24:14,270 --> 00:24:16,181
But before that...

336
00:24:16,270 --> 00:24:19,626
I'd love to see Heather Chandler
puke her guts out.

337
00:24:24,470 --> 00:24:28,224
Trust me, she skips
the Saturday morning trip to grandma's

338
00:24:28,310 --> 00:24:30,266
even when she's not hung over.

339
00:24:31,590 --> 00:24:35,026
We'll just concoct ourselves
a little hangover cure

340
00:24:35,110 --> 00:24:38,739
that'll induce her to spew
red, white and blue, then.

341
00:24:40,390 --> 00:24:44,588
What about milk and orange juice?
What's the up-chuck factor on that?

342
00:24:44,670 --> 00:24:48,060
I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.

343
00:24:48,150 --> 00:24:50,106
Don't be a dick.

344
00:24:50,190 --> 00:24:52,067
That stuff will kill her.

345
00:24:59,710 --> 00:25:02,986
I know, we can cook up some soup
and put it in a Coke.

346
00:25:03,990 --> 00:25:05,821
That's pretty sick, eh?

347
00:25:05,910 --> 00:25:09,220
Should it be chicken noodle
or bean with bacon?

348
00:25:10,310 --> 00:25:13,825
Put a lid on that stuff.
I say we go with big blue here.

349
00:25:13,910 --> 00:25:15,628
What are you talking about?

350
00:25:15,710 --> 00:25:20,625
She would never drink anything
that looked like that, anyway.

351
00:25:20,710 --> 00:25:23,907
So we'll... put it in this.

352
00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:26,629
She won't be able to see
what she's drinking.

353
00:25:26,710 --> 00:25:28,666
Let me get a cup, jerk.

354
00:25:32,710 --> 00:25:34,587
OK.

355
00:25:35,670 --> 00:25:38,548
(Veronica) Milk and orange juice. Hmm.

356
00:25:38,630 --> 00:25:43,067
Maybe we could, like, cough up
a phlegm globber in it or something.

357
00:25:53,710 --> 00:25:56,065
- No?
- Nothing.

358
00:25:56,150 --> 00:26:00,109
Oh, well. Milk and orange juice
will do quite nicely.

359
00:26:00,190 --> 00:26:02,340
You're chicken.

360
00:26:02,430 --> 00:26:04,386
You're not funny.

361
00:26:11,750 --> 00:26:13,502
I'm sorry.

362
00:26:28,990 --> 00:26:31,629
- Uh, Veronica?
- What?

363
00:26:31,710 --> 00:26:35,783
Uh, never mind. I'll, er, carry the cup.

364
00:26:40,230 --> 00:26:42,300
(Veronica) Morning, Heather.

365
00:26:44,110 --> 00:26:47,989
Veronica... and Jesse James.

366
00:26:48,070 --> 00:26:50,425
Quelle surprise.

367
00:26:50,510 --> 00:26:53,707
Hear about Veronica's
affection for regurgitation?

368
00:26:53,790 --> 00:26:56,987
Last night we both
said things we didn't mean.

369
00:26:57,070 --> 00:26:58,788
Did we?

370
00:26:58,870 --> 00:27:00,701
How did you get in?

371
00:27:00,790 --> 00:27:04,749
Um... Veronica knew
you'd have a hangover

372
00:27:04,830 --> 00:27:07,298
so, uh, I whipped this up for you.

373
00:27:07,390 --> 00:27:09,142
It's a family recipe.

374
00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:11,460
What, you put a phlegm globber in it?

375
00:27:11,550 --> 00:27:14,508
I'm not going to drink that piss.

376
00:27:14,590 --> 00:27:17,150
I knew this stuff'd be too intense for her.

377
00:27:18,870 --> 00:27:21,179
Intense.

378
00:27:21,270 --> 00:27:22,988
Grow up.

379
00:27:23,070 --> 00:27:27,268
You think I'll drink it
just because you call me chicken?

380
00:27:30,470 --> 00:27:32,381
Just give me the cup, jerk.

381
00:27:51,230 --> 00:27:53,266
Corn nuts.

382
00:28:09,030 --> 00:28:11,146
Oh, my God.

383
00:28:11,230 --> 00:28:13,664
I can't believe it.

384
00:28:13,750 --> 00:28:15,706
I just killed my best friend.

385
00:28:15,790 --> 00:28:17,667
And your worst enemy.

386
00:28:17,750 --> 00:28:19,706
Same difference.

387
00:28:26,310 --> 00:28:28,301
Ohh...

388
00:28:28,390 --> 00:28:30,585
What are we going to tell the cops?

389
00:28:33,150 --> 00:28:35,710
"Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge."

390
00:28:35,790 --> 00:28:38,258
Cops.

391
00:28:38,350 --> 00:28:41,342
I can't believe this is my life.

392
00:28:41,430 --> 00:28:44,024
Oh, my God.

393
00:28:44,110 --> 00:28:46,624
I'm going to have to send
my SAT scores

394
00:28:46,710 --> 00:28:49,099
to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

395
00:28:51,790 --> 00:28:54,429
All right, just a little freaked, here.

396
00:28:55,830 --> 00:28:58,549
At least you got what you wanted.

397
00:28:58,630 --> 00:29:00,507
Got what I wanted?

398
00:29:00,590 --> 00:29:03,502
It's one thing to want
somebody out of your life,

399
00:29:03,590 --> 00:29:07,868
it's another thing to serve them
a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.

400
00:29:31,910 --> 00:29:35,619
All right, we did a murder
and that's a crime,

401
00:29:35,710 --> 00:29:41,501
but if this were like
a suicide thing, you know?

402
00:29:44,230 --> 00:29:45,948
Like a suicide thing?

403
00:29:46,030 --> 00:29:48,305
Yeah, yeah.

404
00:29:49,390 --> 00:29:53,303
You can do Heather's handwriting
as well as your own, right?

405
00:29:54,390 --> 00:29:56,062
Right?

406
00:30:02,390 --> 00:30:04,824
- Yeah.
- All right.

407
00:30:06,790 --> 00:30:09,623
You might think what I've done is shocking?

408
00:30:09,710 --> 00:30:10,904
Yeah.

409
00:30:14,070 --> 00:30:16,630
Um...

410
00:30:16,710 --> 00:30:19,782
to me, though,
suicide is the natural answer

411
00:30:19,870 --> 00:30:23,419
to the myriad of problems
life has given me.

412
00:30:23,510 --> 00:30:26,741
That's good but Heather
would never use the word myriad.

413
00:30:26,830 --> 00:30:29,139
This is the last thing she'll ever write,

414
00:30:29,230 --> 00:30:32,142
she'll want to use
as many 50-cent words as possible.

415
00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:35,188
She missed myriad
on the vocab test two weeks ago.

416
00:30:35,270 --> 00:30:37,306
That only proves my point more.

417
00:30:37,390 --> 00:30:40,462
The word is a badge
for her failures at school.

418
00:30:40,550 --> 00:30:43,587
Oh. OK, you're probably right.

419
00:30:46,190 --> 00:30:52,345
People think just because
you're beautiful and popular,

420
00:30:52,430 --> 00:30:55,820
life is easy and fun.

421
00:30:55,910 --> 00:30:58,140
- Yeah.
- Uh...

422
00:30:58,230 --> 00:31:03,987
no one understood I had feelings too.

423
00:31:06,910 --> 00:31:09,902
I die knowing no one knew the real me.

424
00:31:12,630 --> 00:31:14,780
That's good.

425
00:31:14,870 --> 00:31:16,826
Have you done this before?

426
00:31:20,070 --> 00:31:23,107
Any other principal
would take the same position -

427
00:31:23,190 --> 00:31:25,226
keep things business as usual.

428
00:31:25,310 --> 00:31:27,870
Heather Chandler's
not your everyday suicide.

429
00:31:27,950 --> 00:31:31,465
- She was very popular.
- If I let these kids out before lunch,

430
00:31:31,550 --> 00:31:34,587
the switchboard would light up
like a Christmas tree.

431
00:31:34,670 --> 00:31:40,347
I was impressed that she made proper use
of the word myriad in her suicide note.

432
00:31:40,430 --> 00:31:43,661
I find it profoundly disturbing

433
00:31:43,750 --> 00:31:47,106
that we're told of
the tragic destruction of youth

434
00:31:47,190 --> 00:31:50,068
and all we can think to talk about

435
00:31:50,150 --> 00:31:53,540
is adequate mourning times
and misused vocabulary words.

436
00:31:53,630 --> 00:31:55,427
Oh, Christ!

437
00:31:55,510 --> 00:31:58,661
We must revel in this revealing moment.

438
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:02,459
Look, I suggest that
we get everybody together,

439
00:32:02,550 --> 00:32:05,542
both students and teachers, in the cafeteria

440
00:32:05,630 --> 00:32:09,589
and just talk and feel...

441
00:32:09,670 --> 00:32:11,342
together.

442
00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:14,740
Thank you, Ms Fleming.
You call me when the shuttle lands.

443
00:32:14,830 --> 00:32:17,298
Now, is this Heather the cheerleader?

444
00:32:17,390 --> 00:32:20,029
(Man) That would be Heather McNamara.

445
00:32:20,110 --> 00:32:24,103
Damn. I'd be willing to go half a day
for a cheerleader.

446
00:32:24,190 --> 00:32:28,502
God, it's unfair. It's just so unfair.

447
00:32:28,590 --> 00:32:31,662
We should get off a whole week,
not just an hour.

448
00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:33,468
Write the school board.

449
00:32:33,550 --> 00:32:36,269
Watch it, you might be digesting food.

450
00:32:36,350 --> 00:32:39,228
- Yeah, where is your urge to purge?
- Fuck it.

451
00:32:39,310 --> 00:32:41,062
Look...

452
00:32:43,550 --> 00:32:46,781
Heather left behind one of her Swatches.

453
00:32:47,870 --> 00:32:50,430
She'd want you to have it, Veronica.

454
00:32:50,510 --> 00:32:55,220
She always said
you couldn't accessorise for shit.

455
00:32:55,310 --> 00:32:57,380
Sorry to hear about your friend.

456
00:32:57,470 --> 00:33:00,189
I thought she was your usual airhead bitch.

457
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:02,181
Guess I was wrong.

458
00:33:02,270 --> 00:33:04,226
We all were.

459
00:33:06,670 --> 00:33:08,467
(Heather) What a waste.

460
00:33:09,630 --> 00:33:11,586
Oh, the humanity.

461
00:33:18,790 --> 00:33:20,382
Veronica?

462
00:33:28,470 --> 00:33:31,189
Veronica, what are you doing?

463
00:33:42,670 --> 00:33:48,620
I'm just so thrilled...
to finally have an example

464
00:33:48,710 --> 00:33:52,623
of the profound sensitivity of
which a human animal is capable.

465
00:33:52,710 --> 00:33:56,305
That example is Heather Chandler.

466
00:33:56,390 --> 00:33:58,062
I have her note.

467
00:33:58,150 --> 00:34:00,300
(AIl) Whoo!

468
00:34:00,390 --> 00:34:03,188
I'm gonna pass this note around the class

469
00:34:03,270 --> 00:34:06,660
so you can all feel
its pathetic beauty for yourself.

470
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:09,746
And while we do this,

471
00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:13,266
I think it's a good opportunity to share...

472
00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:17,184
the feelings that this suicide
has spurred in all of us.

473
00:34:17,270 --> 00:34:19,989
Now, who would like to begin?

474
00:34:20,070 --> 00:34:22,026
I heard it was really gnarly.

475
00:34:22,110 --> 00:34:25,864
She sucked down a bowl of
multi-purpose deodorising disinfectant

476
00:34:25,950 --> 00:34:27,588
and then smash!

477
00:34:27,670 --> 00:34:32,346
Tracy, let's not rehash the coroner's report,
let's talk emotions.

478
00:34:33,510 --> 00:34:35,865
Um, Heather and I used to go out

479
00:34:35,950 --> 00:34:38,020
but she said I was boring.

480
00:34:38,110 --> 00:34:40,988
But now I realise I really wasn't boring...

481
00:34:41,070 --> 00:34:43,789
it's just that she was
dissatisfied with her life.

482
00:34:46,550 --> 00:34:48,745
That's... very good, Peter.

483
00:34:50,350 --> 00:34:53,342
(Laughing)

484
00:34:53,430 --> 00:34:55,660
(Pretends to sob)

485
00:34:55,750 --> 00:34:59,140
Are we going to be tested on this?

486
00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:01,186
'We were the same size

487
00:35:01,270 --> 00:35:05,309
'so we could borrow
each other's clothes, mix it up. It was fun.'

488
00:35:05,390 --> 00:35:09,747
"I remember I won her
a rhino at the 4-H Club... '

489
00:35:09,830 --> 00:35:12,219
You're an asshole. Mute him.

490
00:35:13,230 --> 00:35:17,860
- 'We liked the same clothes... '
- How many networks did you run to?

491
00:35:17,950 --> 00:35:20,180
'It won't be the same without her.'

492
00:35:20,270 --> 00:35:23,467
What are you talking about?
You hated her. She hated you.

493
00:35:23,550 --> 00:35:26,860
'Every English class
I looked forward to seeing her... '

494
00:35:26,950 --> 00:35:30,181
Heather Chandler
is more popular than ever now.

495
00:35:31,550 --> 00:35:34,348
- Scary stuff.
- Yeah.

496
00:35:36,190 --> 00:35:38,545
Hey, son, I didn't hear you come in.

497
00:35:38,630 --> 00:35:42,259
Hey, Dad, how was work today?

498
00:35:46,390 --> 00:35:50,463
It was miserable.
Some damn tribe of withered old bitches

499
00:35:50,550 --> 00:35:53,747
doesn't want us to terminate
that fleabag hotel.

500
00:35:53,830 --> 00:35:58,221
All because Glen Miller and his band
once took a shit there.

501
00:35:58,310 --> 00:36:01,507
Just like Kansas.
You remember fucking Kansas?

502
00:36:01,590 --> 00:36:04,024
That was the one with the wheat, right?

503
00:36:04,110 --> 00:36:07,898
Yeah. Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society.

504
00:36:07,990 --> 00:36:10,379
(Chuckles) Showed those fucks.

505
00:36:10,470 --> 00:36:14,509
30 of those 4th of July fireworks
attached to the trunk.

506
00:36:14,590 --> 00:36:16,546
Arraigned but acquitted.

507
00:36:16,630 --> 00:36:21,226
Gosh, Pop,
I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.

508
00:36:21,310 --> 00:36:23,221
Oh. Veronica, this is my dad.

509
00:36:23,310 --> 00:36:25,266
Dad, Veronica.

510
00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:26,499
Hi.

511
00:36:28,190 --> 00:36:32,183
Son, why don't you ask
your little friend to stay for dinner?

512
00:36:32,270 --> 00:36:35,865
I can't. My mom's making
my favourite meal tonight -

513
00:36:35,950 --> 00:36:38,305
spaghetti, lots of oregano.

514
00:36:38,390 --> 00:36:40,028
How nice.

515
00:36:40,110 --> 00:36:42,021
The last time I saw my mom

516
00:36:42,110 --> 00:36:46,183
she was waving from
a library window in Texas. Right, Dad?

517
00:36:47,910 --> 00:36:49,662
Right...

518
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,103
son.

519
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:55,626
Right.

520
00:36:57,550 --> 00:37:00,110
Take a break, Veronica. Sit down.

521
00:37:02,910 --> 00:37:06,619
So what was the first day
after Heather's suicide like?

522
00:37:06,710 --> 00:37:08,746
Well, it was OK, I guess.

523
00:37:09,830 --> 00:37:11,741
(Mom) Terrible thing.

524
00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:15,743
So, will we get to meet
this dark horse prom contender?

525
00:37:15,830 --> 00:37:18,298
Maybe.

526
00:37:18,390 --> 00:37:22,019
God, will somebody tell me
why I smoke these things?

527
00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:24,340
Because you're an idiot.

528
00:37:25,230 --> 00:37:27,346
Oh, yeah. That's it.

529
00:37:27,430 --> 00:37:29,500
You two...

530
00:37:29,590 --> 00:37:33,583
Great p�t� but I have to motor
if want to be ready for that funeral.

531
00:37:39,110 --> 00:37:40,907
I blame not Heather

532
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:44,380
but rather a society

533
00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:46,620
that tells its youth

534
00:37:46,710 --> 00:37:51,784
that the answers can be found
in the MTV video games.

535
00:37:52,910 --> 00:37:57,426
We must pray that the other
teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio,

536
00:37:57,510 --> 00:38:01,025
know the name of that righteous dude

537
00:38:01,110 --> 00:38:04,068
who can solve their problems.

538
00:38:04,150 --> 00:38:08,223
It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book.

539
00:38:09,750 --> 00:38:11,706
(AIl) Amen.

540
00:38:16,750 --> 00:38:18,706
'O God, this is a tragic thing

541
00:38:18,790 --> 00:38:22,066
'and sometimes
I have a hard time dealing with it.

542
00:38:22,150 --> 00:38:24,345
'Please send Heather to heaven.'

543
00:38:24,430 --> 00:38:27,183
'Dear God, please make sure
this never happens to me,

544
00:38:27,270 --> 00:38:29,226
'I don't think I can handle suicide.

545
00:38:29,310 --> 00:38:34,065
'Early acceptance into an Ivy League school
and please let it be Harvard. Amen.'

546
00:38:34,150 --> 00:38:39,019
'Jesus God in heaven,
why did you kill such hot snatch?

547
00:38:39,110 --> 00:38:42,944
'It's a joke, man.
Jeez, people are so serious.

548
00:38:43,030 --> 00:38:45,021
'Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven,

549
00:38:45,110 --> 00:38:48,068
'pray for all us sinners
so we don't get caught.

550
00:38:48,150 --> 00:38:50,106
'Another joke, man.'

551
00:38:50,190 --> 00:38:53,944
'I prayed for the death of
Heather Chandler many times.

552
00:38:54,030 --> 00:38:57,545
'I felt bad every time I did it
but I kept doing it.

553
00:38:57,630 --> 00:39:00,269
'Now I know you understood everything.

554
00:39:00,350 --> 00:39:03,148
'Praise Jesus. Hallelujah.'

555
00:39:04,430 --> 00:39:06,386
'Hi. I'm sorry.

556
00:39:06,470 --> 00:39:12,227
'Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler,
but, hey, who am I trying to kid, right?

557
00:39:12,310 --> 00:39:15,746
'I just want my high school
to be a nice place.

558
00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:17,502
'Amen.

559
00:39:17,590 --> 00:39:19,546
'Did that sound bitchy? '

560
00:39:24,230 --> 00:39:27,506
Veronica, what are you doing tonight?

561
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:32,982
I don't know. Mourning.
Maybe watch some TV. Why?

562
00:39:34,630 --> 00:39:37,747
Well, Ram asked me out tonight...

563
00:39:37,830 --> 00:39:40,947
but he wants to double with Kurt...

564
00:39:41,030 --> 00:39:43,464
and Kurt doesn't have a date.

565
00:39:43,550 --> 00:39:46,110
Heather, I have something going with JD.

566
00:39:46,190 --> 00:39:49,500
Please, Veronica.
Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight.

567
00:39:49,590 --> 00:39:51,660
I'll be your best friend.

568
00:39:54,910 --> 00:39:57,629
So we on tonight, man, or what?

569
00:39:57,710 --> 00:39:59,666
I don't know.

570
00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:02,105
I still got to talk to Heather, dude.

571
00:40:02,190 --> 00:40:04,101
Weird funeral, huh?

572
00:40:05,230 --> 00:40:07,824
That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.

573
00:40:07,910 --> 00:40:10,868
- Let's kick his ass.
- Cool off.

574
00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:13,418
- We're seniors.
- Goddamn geek!

575
00:40:14,590 --> 00:40:18,344
Ah, well. Sit and spin.

576
00:40:18,430 --> 00:40:20,819
That little prick.

577
00:40:32,590 --> 00:40:34,979
You piece of shit fag.
You like to suck big dicks?

578
00:40:35,070 --> 00:40:38,142
- Cut it out.
- Say, "I like to suck big dicks."

579
00:40:38,230 --> 00:40:41,222
Leave him alone, Ram.

580
00:40:41,310 --> 00:40:42,982
(Kid) Ow!

581
00:40:43,950 --> 00:40:45,508
Say it.

582
00:40:48,270 --> 00:40:49,703
Say it!

583
00:40:49,790 --> 00:40:51,428
OK, OK.

584
00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:54,706
You like to suck big dicks.

585
00:40:54,790 --> 00:40:56,223
Ow!

586
00:40:59,870 --> 00:41:01,826
I like to suck big dicks.

587
00:41:01,910 --> 00:41:04,788
Mmm... Mmm.

588
00:41:04,870 --> 00:41:07,782
I can't get enough of 'em.
Are you satisfied?

589
00:41:07,870 --> 00:41:10,748
Don't worry. Ram's been so sweet lately,

590
00:41:10,830 --> 00:41:12,821
consoling me and stuff.

591
00:41:12,910 --> 00:41:15,982
It'll be really very. Promise.

592
00:41:16,070 --> 00:41:19,267
OK. Just as long as
it won't be one of those nights

593
00:41:19,350 --> 00:41:23,468
where they get shitfaced
and take us to a pasture to tip cows.

594
00:41:23,550 --> 00:41:25,666
(Mooing)

595
00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:29,139
(Giggling)

596
00:41:29,230 --> 00:41:32,063
- Is it sleeping, dude?
- I think so, man.

597
00:41:32,150 --> 00:41:34,186
- (Laughter)
- Shh!

598
00:41:35,710 --> 00:41:37,268
Come here.

599
00:41:37,350 --> 00:41:42,378
Oh, shit. Cow tipping is the fucking greatest!
Punch it in.

600
00:41:44,590 --> 00:41:47,627
Shit. On the count of three, guy.

601
00:41:49,150 --> 00:41:50,788
(Both) One...

602
00:41:50,870 --> 00:41:52,701
two... three!

603
00:42:02,470 --> 00:42:06,702
When I get that feeling,
I need sexual healing.

604
00:42:06,790 --> 00:42:08,860
Yeah, right, asshole.

605
00:42:15,310 --> 00:42:17,266
What is this shit?

606
00:42:23,750 --> 00:42:26,503
Doing a favour for Heather. Double date.

607
00:42:26,590 --> 00:42:29,707
I tried to tell you at the funeral
but you rode off.

608
00:42:29,790 --> 00:42:31,746
Another fucking Heather.

609
00:42:34,870 --> 00:42:38,658
I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little superior tonight.

610
00:42:39,870 --> 00:42:41,826
Seven schools in seven states

611
00:42:41,910 --> 00:42:45,300
and the only thing different
is my locker combination.

612
00:42:48,030 --> 00:42:52,945
Our love is god. Let's go get a slushie.

613
00:43:03,670 --> 00:43:08,460
I'm not belittling the foodless fund, Peter,
but we're talking teen suicide here.

614
00:43:08,550 --> 00:43:13,499
The number one song in America today
is Teenage Suicide Don't Do It by Big Fun.

615
00:43:13,590 --> 00:43:18,505
Westerburg finally got one of these things
and I'm not gonna blow it.

616
00:43:18,590 --> 00:43:23,345
So Heather gets the front page and
I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

617
00:43:23,430 --> 00:43:27,787
Hi, guys, I came to check up
on this week's lunch-time poll topic.

618
00:43:27,870 --> 00:43:31,306
Don't worry about it, Veronica.
Sit down, huh?

619
00:43:31,390 --> 00:43:35,861
That funeral yesterday
must have really been rough, huh?

620
00:43:35,950 --> 00:43:37,349
Oh, yeah.

621
00:43:37,430 --> 00:43:42,299
We were wondering if you had any poems,
artwork that Heather did

622
00:43:42,390 --> 00:43:46,019
that we can put in
the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?

623
00:43:46,110 --> 00:43:47,907
The what?

624
00:43:47,990 --> 00:43:53,701
Look, it's a two-page layout with
her suicide note right up here in the corner.

625
00:43:55,510 --> 00:43:58,149
It's more tasteful than it sounds.

626
00:43:58,230 --> 00:44:02,109
I don't know, Dennis,
this stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

627
00:44:02,190 --> 00:44:04,181
Like last night, Veronica?

628
00:44:07,950 --> 00:44:10,862
Excuse me? I don't get it.

629
00:44:10,950 --> 00:44:12,747
You did last night.

630
00:44:12,830 --> 00:44:14,741
Kurt told us of your little date.

631
00:44:14,830 --> 00:44:18,584
Yeah, and? I left him drunk
and flailing in cow shit.

632
00:44:18,670 --> 00:44:21,821
Well, I don't know. He was really detailed.

633
00:44:21,910 --> 00:44:24,140
- Shh.
- Shut up, Courtney.

634
00:44:24,230 --> 00:44:27,188
No, don't shut up.
I'd like to know exactly what I did.

635
00:44:28,270 --> 00:44:32,229
Come on, Veronica.
I'll show you the lunch-time poll topic.

636
00:44:34,350 --> 00:44:36,341
What the fuck?

637
00:44:36,430 --> 00:44:39,467
I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly

638
00:44:39,550 --> 00:44:41,427
but he said that he and Ram

639
00:44:41,510 --> 00:44:45,628
had a nice little sword fight
in your mouth last night.

640
00:44:45,710 --> 00:44:49,783
Ew! That son of a bitch.

641
00:44:51,670 --> 00:44:53,308
Hi, Kurt?

642
00:44:53,390 --> 00:44:56,029
Hi, this is Veronica Sawyer.

643
00:44:56,110 --> 00:45:01,389
I didn't expect to be calling, either.
I guess my emotions took over.

644
00:45:01,470 --> 00:45:06,146
I was wondering if you wanted those things
you've been saying to really happen.

645
00:45:06,230 --> 00:45:10,189
It's always been a fantasy of mine
to have two guys at once.

646
00:45:10,270 --> 00:45:12,989
Oh, sure, you can write to Penthouse forum.

647
00:45:13,070 --> 00:45:14,822
(Snickering)

648
00:45:14,910 --> 00:45:17,299
Yeah, in the woods behind the school.

649
00:45:17,390 --> 00:45:19,187
At dawn.

650
00:45:19,270 --> 00:45:21,226
Don't forget Ram.

651
00:45:29,110 --> 00:45:34,662
Why am I writing a suicide note when we're
just going to be shooting them with blanks?

652
00:45:34,750 --> 00:45:37,787
We're not gonna be using blanks this time.

653
00:45:38,910 --> 00:45:40,946
You can't be serious.

654
00:45:41,030 --> 00:45:42,827
I am.

655
00:45:42,910 --> 00:45:45,822
Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.

656
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:48,982
Wait a second, wait a second.
Do you take German?

657
00:45:49,070 --> 00:45:50,662
French.

658
00:45:50,750 --> 00:45:53,264
All right. These are echt Luger bullets.

659
00:45:53,350 --> 00:45:56,626
My grandfather snared
a shitload of them back in WWII.

660
00:45:56,710 --> 00:45:59,099
They're like tranquillisers,

661
00:45:59,190 --> 00:46:04,423
only they break the skin's surface enough
to cause blood but no real damage.

662
00:46:04,510 --> 00:46:07,786
So it looks like
the person's been shot and killed

663
00:46:07,870 --> 00:46:11,180
and really they're just
unconscious and bleeding?

664
00:46:11,270 --> 00:46:12,862
Oh.

665
00:46:12,950 --> 00:46:14,747
Right.

666
00:46:14,830 --> 00:46:18,903
See, we shoot Kurt and Ram,
make it look like they shot each other

667
00:46:18,990 --> 00:46:23,939
and by the time they regain consciousness,
they'll be the laughing stock of the school.

668
00:46:24,030 --> 00:46:27,147
The note's the punch line.
How'd that turn out?

669
00:46:27,230 --> 00:46:30,347
First tell me the similarity is not incredible.

670
00:46:31,750 --> 00:46:33,502
It's incredible similarity.

671
00:46:35,710 --> 00:46:37,746
OK. Ahem.

672
00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,500
"Ram and I died the day we realised

673
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:46,061
"we could never reveal our forbidden love
to an uncaring and un-understanding world.

674
00:46:46,150 --> 00:46:50,268
"The joy we shared in each other's arms
was greater than any touchdown,

675
00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:52,500
"yet we were forced to live the lie

676
00:46:52,590 --> 00:46:55,980
"of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes."

677
00:46:56,070 --> 00:46:58,300
That's perfect.

678
00:46:58,390 --> 00:47:01,860
Let's take a look at some
of the homosexual artefacts

679
00:47:01,950 --> 00:47:03,906
I dug up to plant at the scene.

680
00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:08,309
All right. An issue of Stud Puppy.

681
00:47:08,390 --> 00:47:10,904
That's great!

682
00:47:10,990 --> 00:47:15,268
A candy dish, a Joan Crawford postcard.

683
00:47:15,350 --> 00:47:17,261
Good.

684
00:47:17,350 --> 00:47:19,306
Some mascara.

685
00:47:20,470 --> 00:47:25,066
All right, now, here's the one perfecto thing
I picked up -

686
00:47:25,150 --> 00:47:26,299
mineral water.

687
00:47:26,390 --> 00:47:31,225
Come on, a lot of people
drink mineral water. It's come a long way.

688
00:47:31,310 --> 00:47:33,028
Yeah, but this is Ohio.

689
00:47:33,110 --> 00:47:36,705
If you don't have a brewski in your hand,
you might as well be wearing a dress.

690
00:47:36,790 --> 00:47:38,985
Oh, you're so smart.

691
00:47:49,630 --> 00:47:51,700
Hi, Veronica.

692
00:47:51,790 --> 00:47:53,701
Hi, guys.

693
00:47:55,830 --> 00:47:57,866
Glad you could make it.

694
00:48:06,150 --> 00:48:08,266
So should I just whip it out or...

695
00:48:08,350 --> 00:48:12,389
Well, I've made a circle
on each side of the clearing.

696
00:48:12,470 --> 00:48:14,904
Ram, you come over here.

697
00:48:14,990 --> 00:48:16,423
Kurt.

698
00:48:18,270 --> 00:48:21,546
When you get to the circle, strip.

699
00:48:21,630 --> 00:48:23,586
What about you?

700
00:48:23,670 --> 00:48:27,026
I was hoping you could
rip my clothes off me, sport.

701
00:48:28,550 --> 00:48:29,903
Oh.

702
00:48:29,990 --> 00:48:31,628
Good idea.

703
00:48:39,670 --> 00:48:42,821
OK. Count of three, guys.

704
00:48:44,750 --> 00:48:46,388
One...

705
00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:50,748
two...

706
00:48:52,310 --> 00:48:55,063
- Three!
- (Gunshot)

707
00:48:55,150 --> 00:48:57,459
(Screams)

708
00:48:57,550 --> 00:48:59,506
You missed him completely?

709
00:48:59,590 --> 00:49:01,581
It was worth it just to see the look...

710
00:49:01,670 --> 00:49:04,548
Don't move. I'll get him back.

711
00:49:40,750 --> 00:49:42,502
Ha!

712
00:50:10,470 --> 00:50:12,461
- No.
- Now!

713
00:50:23,550 --> 00:50:26,110
- Hey, I heard it that time.
- What?

714
00:50:26,190 --> 00:50:28,260
Another gunshot from the woods.

715
00:50:28,350 --> 00:50:30,306
Oh, shit. Let's roll!

716
00:50:30,390 --> 00:50:32,267
Kurt doesn't look too good.

717
00:50:32,350 --> 00:50:34,466
Just remember he's left-handed.

718
00:50:34,550 --> 00:50:37,826
(Cop) Keep going until you hit the clearing.

719
00:50:37,910 --> 00:50:40,026
Come on.

720
00:50:44,110 --> 00:50:46,465
- Mother of shit!
- Call in.

721
00:50:46,550 --> 00:50:50,862
- (Rustling)
- Hey, I heard something out there.

722
00:50:50,950 --> 00:50:52,906
I'm checking it out.

723
00:50:52,990 --> 00:50:56,619
This is Officer McCord.
I've got two dead bodies in the woods

724
00:50:56,710 --> 00:50:58,462
behind Westerburg High.

725
00:51:29,270 --> 00:51:31,226
Whoa! Whoa!

726
00:51:44,670 --> 00:51:48,549
(Radio) 'Milner, can you hear me?
What's going down? '

727
00:51:48,630 --> 00:51:52,339
Yeah... I think what I heard
was just a bunny rabbit.

728
00:51:52,430 --> 00:51:56,105
All I've got here is two kids
making out in a station wagon.

729
00:51:56,190 --> 00:51:58,067
'Should I pry them apart? '

730
00:51:58,150 --> 00:52:01,301
No. Forget it.
I got all the answers back here.

731
00:52:01,390 --> 00:52:03,028
Hey...

732
00:52:03,110 --> 00:52:05,670
are they naked?

733
00:52:16,990 --> 00:52:19,629
Yeah, so what's the deal?

734
00:52:19,710 --> 00:52:23,225
Suicide. Double suicide.
They shot each other.

735
00:52:23,310 --> 00:52:25,346
Hey, that's Kurt Kelly.

736
00:52:25,430 --> 00:52:27,819
Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.

737
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:33,379
Phew. My God, suicide. Why?

738
00:52:34,670 --> 00:52:37,662
Does this answer your question?

739
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,059
Oh, man. They were fags.

740
00:52:40,150 --> 00:52:44,780
Listen up. "We realised we could never
reveal our forbidden love

741
00:52:44,870 --> 00:52:48,180
"to an uncaring
and un-understanding world."

742
00:52:48,270 --> 00:52:50,943
Jesus H Christ!

743
00:52:51,030 --> 00:52:53,863
The quarterback buggering the linebacker.

744
00:52:54,950 --> 00:52:56,861
What a waste.

745
00:52:56,950 --> 00:52:58,906
Oh, the humanity.

746
00:53:32,910 --> 00:53:35,219
So we killed them, didn't we?

747
00:53:35,310 --> 00:53:37,426
Yeah. Of course.

748
00:54:02,510 --> 00:54:05,980
Echt Luger bullets. I'm such an idiot.

749
00:54:09,030 --> 00:54:12,739
Look, you believed it
because you wanted to believe it.

750
00:54:12,830 --> 00:54:17,585
Your true feelings
were too gross and icky for you to face.

751
00:54:18,870 --> 00:54:21,703
I did not want them dead.

752
00:54:23,270 --> 00:54:26,307
- You did too.
- I did not.

753
00:54:26,390 --> 00:54:27,618
Did too.

754
00:54:27,710 --> 00:54:29,029
- I did not.
- Did too.

755
00:54:29,110 --> 00:54:30,941
- Did not.
- Did too.

756
00:54:31,030 --> 00:54:33,225
- Did not! Did not!
- Did too!

757
00:54:33,310 --> 00:54:35,380
Shut up! I did not want them dead.

758
00:54:35,470 --> 00:54:38,780
- Come on, you did. You're just...
- # Mary had a little lamb... #

759
00:54:38,870 --> 00:54:42,419
(Veronica screeching) I did not!

760
00:54:43,670 --> 00:54:45,262
Young love!

761
00:54:45,350 --> 00:54:49,104
School's cancelled today
because Kurt and Ram killed themselves

762
00:54:49,190 --> 00:54:51,181
in a repressed homosexual suicide pact!

763
00:54:51,270 --> 00:54:53,226
No way.

764
00:54:55,310 --> 00:54:57,062
God!

765
00:54:58,630 --> 00:55:02,020
The football season is over, Veronica.

766
00:55:02,110 --> 00:55:04,863
Kurt and Ram
had nothing to offer the school

767
00:55:04,950 --> 00:55:06,986
but date rapes and AIDS jokes.

768
00:55:08,430 --> 00:55:10,500
(Sighs) Sure.

769
00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:14,702
Can we make an ice run
before the funeral?

770
00:55:20,950 --> 00:55:23,987
If there's any way
you can hear me, Kurt buddy...

771
00:55:26,550 --> 00:55:30,020
I don't care that
you really were some... pansy.

772
00:55:31,670 --> 00:55:33,661
You're my own flesh and blood

773
00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:35,706
and you made me proud.

774
00:55:38,270 --> 00:55:41,182
My son's a homosexual and I love him.

775
00:55:43,550 --> 00:55:45,506
I love my dead, gay son.

776
00:55:46,790 --> 00:55:51,739
How do you think he'd react to a son
that had a limp wrist with a pulse?

777
00:55:51,830 --> 00:55:53,707
(Sniggers)

778
00:56:07,750 --> 00:56:13,188
'Dear diary, my teen angst bullshit
has a body count.

779
00:56:13,270 --> 00:56:16,421
'The most popular people
in school are dead.

780
00:56:16,510 --> 00:56:21,106
'Everybody's sad
but it's a weird kind of sad.

781
00:56:21,190 --> 00:56:26,344
'Suicide gave Heather depth,
Kurt a soul, Ram a brain.

782
00:56:27,470 --> 00:56:29,426
'I don't know what it's given me

783
00:56:29,510 --> 00:56:34,061
'but I've got no control
over myself when I'm with JD.

784
00:56:34,150 --> 00:56:37,028
'Are we going to prom or to hell? '

785
00:56:37,110 --> 00:56:42,025
Now, it seems we were in
a similar position on Monday

786
00:56:42,110 --> 00:56:45,147
when I thoughtfully suggested
we get everybody together

787
00:56:45,230 --> 00:56:48,267
for an unadulterated
emotional outpouring, but no.

788
00:56:48,350 --> 00:56:52,309
You took this as an opportunity
to play yet another round

789
00:56:52,390 --> 00:56:54,665
of "let's laugh at the hippy".

790
00:56:54,750 --> 00:56:58,140
- Pauline...
- Shut up, Paul.

791
00:56:58,230 --> 00:57:00,425
I've seen a lot of bullshit -

792
00:57:00,510 --> 00:57:03,024
angel dust, switchblades,

793
00:57:03,110 --> 00:57:07,103
sexually perverse photography exhibits
involving tennis rackets -

794
00:57:07,190 --> 00:57:09,306
but this suicide thing...

795
00:57:10,590 --> 00:57:14,549
guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength.

796
00:57:14,630 --> 00:57:17,303
We're just going to write off today

797
00:57:17,390 --> 00:57:22,783
and on Friday she can hold
her little love-in or whatever.

798
00:57:24,230 --> 00:57:25,982
Whatever.

799
00:57:31,590 --> 00:57:32,989
Attention!

800
00:57:34,430 --> 00:57:36,990
May I have your attention, please?

801
00:57:37,070 --> 00:57:41,109
This school has been
torn apart by tragedy.

802
00:57:41,190 --> 00:57:44,899
I'm here today to fuse it back again
through togetherness.

803
00:57:44,990 --> 00:57:48,346
I want everyone to clasp hands.

804
00:57:48,430 --> 00:57:52,139
We need to connect this cafeteria
into one mighty circuit!

805
00:57:52,230 --> 00:57:55,142
- (Woman) Excuse me.
- Here comes the TV crew!

806
00:57:55,230 --> 00:57:56,982
Lock your paws!

807
00:57:57,070 --> 00:57:59,709
- We're ready when you are.
- Hi, there.

808
00:58:00,750 --> 00:58:04,743
Come on. Let's go. Here.

809
00:58:04,830 --> 00:58:07,663
This will be on TV.
Let's show them how you feel!

810
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:11,140
Looks like Miss Phlegm's
on another one of her crusades.

811
00:58:11,230 --> 00:58:13,300
With usual success, of course.

812
00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:15,142
Come on, get up!

813
00:58:15,230 --> 00:58:16,868
Hi, what's your name?

814
00:58:16,950 --> 00:58:18,747
I'm Heather Duke.

815
00:58:24,270 --> 00:58:27,660
Is this as good for you as it is for me?

816
00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:30,389
Those fish sticks can wait. Let's go.

817
00:58:30,470 --> 00:58:32,426
Come on, kids!

818
00:58:34,270 --> 00:58:36,545
The whole world is watching!

819
00:58:38,870 --> 00:58:41,065
Show them that you care!

820
00:58:42,150 --> 00:58:44,789
Greetings and salutations.

821
00:58:44,870 --> 00:58:49,625
I'll need a VHS copy of this by Monday
for my Princeton application.

822
00:58:51,030 --> 00:58:54,659
(Pauline) You can beat this,
don't let suicide get you down.

823
00:58:55,950 --> 00:58:58,418
(Veronica) That thing this afternoon,

824
00:58:58,510 --> 00:59:01,263
I'm so angry, it was chaos, fucking chaos.

825
00:59:02,710 --> 00:59:04,587
What are you talking about?

826
00:59:04,670 --> 00:59:08,379
I mean, today was great.
Chaos was great.

827
00:59:08,470 --> 00:59:11,780
Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.

828
00:59:13,070 --> 00:59:15,186
Face it, our way is the way.

829
00:59:15,270 --> 00:59:17,704
We scare people into not being assholes.

830
00:59:17,790 --> 00:59:20,384
Our way is not our way.

831
00:59:20,470 --> 00:59:23,303
Oh, yeah? Tell that to the judge, all right?

832
00:59:23,390 --> 00:59:25,221
Tell it to Kurt Kelly.

833
00:59:25,310 --> 00:59:27,665
I'm telling it to you.

834
00:59:30,030 --> 00:59:32,100
God, you can be so immature.

835
00:59:32,190 --> 00:59:35,785
Oh! You kids are making
too much damn noise.

836
00:59:37,430 --> 00:59:39,500
We beat the bitches.

837
00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:42,058
Beautiful. The beaver's home.

838
00:59:42,150 --> 00:59:45,108
Judge told them to slurp shit and die.

839
00:59:45,190 --> 00:59:48,705
I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.

840
00:59:48,790 --> 00:59:51,179
(Laughs sinisterly) Masterful.

841
00:59:51,270 --> 00:59:54,103
And then when that blew,

842
00:59:54,190 --> 00:59:57,341
it set off a pack of thermals I stuck upstairs.

843
01:00:07,030 --> 01:00:09,339
Some days it's great to be alive.

844
01:00:11,790 --> 01:00:14,179
Stick it to those goddamn...

845
01:00:14,270 --> 01:00:16,226
Do you like your father?

846
01:00:17,670 --> 01:00:20,104
Never given the matter much thought.

847
01:00:22,990 --> 01:00:24,946
Liked my mother.

848
01:00:25,750 --> 01:00:28,822
They said her death was an accident

849
01:00:28,910 --> 01:00:31,743
but she knew what she was doing.

850
01:00:31,830 --> 01:00:36,699
She walked into the building two minutes
before my dad blew the place up.

851
01:00:36,790 --> 01:00:39,941
She waved at me and then...

852
01:00:40,030 --> 01:00:41,986
boom.

853
01:00:42,070 --> 01:00:45,858
(DJ) 'Dudes, if I get one more request
for that Big Fun song,

854
01:00:45,950 --> 01:00:47,668
'I'm gonna commit suicide.'

855
01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:49,502
Playing our song.

856
01:00:49,590 --> 01:00:52,229
'Here it is, Teenage Suicide Don't Do It.'

857
01:00:53,710 --> 01:00:56,986
# Teenage suicide
# Don't do it

858
01:00:57,070 --> 01:00:59,538
# Teenage suicide
# She blew it

859
01:00:59,630 --> 01:01:01,700
# Teenage suicide

860
01:01:01,790 --> 01:01:03,064
# Don't do it... #

861
01:01:05,630 --> 01:01:07,666
That's it. We're breaking up.

862
01:01:07,750 --> 01:01:11,060
What? You can't bring them back,
you must know that.

863
01:01:11,150 --> 01:01:15,189
I'm not trying to bring anybody back
except maybe myself.

864
01:01:25,830 --> 01:01:27,661
No!

865
01:01:29,150 --> 01:01:31,948
To think once
I actually thought you were cool.

866
01:01:32,030 --> 01:01:36,467
If you can't deal with me now
then just stay home and shoot your TV,

867
01:01:36,550 --> 01:01:39,144
blow up a couple toasters or something.

868
01:01:39,230 --> 01:01:43,303
Just don't come to school
and don't mess with me.

869
01:01:45,910 --> 01:01:47,901
You'll be back.

870
01:01:59,470 --> 01:02:01,779
Me and Martha Dumptruck?

871
01:02:01,870 --> 01:02:03,667
Where did you get this?

872
01:02:04,830 --> 01:02:09,187
Oh, I just had the nicest little chat
with Ms Dumptruck.

873
01:02:09,270 --> 01:02:11,306
Got along famously.

874
01:02:11,390 --> 01:02:14,746
It's scary how everybody's got
a little story to tell.

875
01:02:14,830 --> 01:02:17,264
Want to see the canoeing shots?

876
01:02:17,350 --> 01:02:19,181
What is this? Blackmail?

877
01:02:23,270 --> 01:02:25,420
I'll give you a week's lunch money.

878
01:02:27,590 --> 01:02:31,299
I don't want your money.
I want your strength.

879
01:02:31,390 --> 01:02:34,427
Westerburg does not need
mushy togetherness,

880
01:02:34,510 --> 01:02:36,705
it needs a strong leader.

881
01:02:36,790 --> 01:02:39,827
Heather Chandler was that leader but...

882
01:02:39,910 --> 01:02:42,299
But she couldn't handle it.

883
01:02:42,390 --> 01:02:44,381
I think you can.

884
01:02:45,470 --> 01:02:47,426
Moby Dick is dunked.

885
01:02:47,510 --> 01:02:52,186
The white whale drank some bad plankton
and splashed through a coffee table

886
01:02:52,270 --> 01:02:54,909
and now it's your turn to take the helm.

887
01:02:54,990 --> 01:02:57,106
What about the photographs?

888
01:02:57,190 --> 01:03:00,626
Oh, don't worry.
I'll ask you to do me a favour

889
01:03:00,710 --> 01:03:02,780
and it'll be one you'll enjoy.

890
01:03:02,870 --> 01:03:05,464
You'll get the negatives back then.

891
01:03:07,830 --> 01:03:11,300
But in the meantime, strength.

892
01:03:13,070 --> 01:03:15,140
Here's a little gift...

893
01:03:16,230 --> 01:03:18,380
from Heather to Heather.

894
01:03:58,150 --> 01:03:59,742
- Guess who.
- Heather?

895
01:04:17,870 --> 01:04:19,189
'Hello? '

896
01:04:19,270 --> 01:04:20,908
Hello, Betty? This is Veronica.

897
01:04:24,590 --> 01:04:27,150
I don't believe it, I'm winning!

898
01:04:28,470 --> 01:04:31,223
Don't you start getting cocky on me, girl.

899
01:04:32,990 --> 01:04:35,220
I really missed you.

900
01:04:35,310 --> 01:04:38,347
I know I'm not as exciting as
your other friends.

901
01:04:38,430 --> 01:04:40,386
That is bullshit.

902
01:04:40,470 --> 01:04:42,426
Shoot.

903
01:04:42,510 --> 01:04:44,785
Do you know I'm still a virgin?

904
01:04:44,870 --> 01:04:47,942
OK, I French-kissed Al Springer once.

905
01:04:48,030 --> 01:04:49,986
It was a total disaster.

906
01:04:50,070 --> 01:04:52,982
Shoot the ball.

907
01:04:55,510 --> 01:05:00,379
Betty, your daydreams are a lot better than
my realities, believe me.

908
01:05:02,950 --> 01:05:06,022
But now, prepare to die.

909
01:05:06,110 --> 01:05:07,862
Ronnie.

910
01:05:22,990 --> 01:05:25,743
You're not just going for those two shots.

911
01:05:25,830 --> 01:05:29,459
I mean, go ahead, knock me out.
It's the only way to win.

912
01:05:31,150 --> 01:05:33,425
It's not my style.

913
01:05:33,510 --> 01:05:37,264
Nice guys finish last, I should know.

914
01:05:45,910 --> 01:05:47,263
Bravo.

915
01:05:48,350 --> 01:05:50,068
Bravo.

916
01:05:51,150 --> 01:05:53,710
Listen, I got to get home, OK?

917
01:05:53,790 --> 01:05:55,906
OK.

918
01:05:55,990 --> 01:05:57,787
Thanks.

919
01:05:57,870 --> 01:05:59,747
Bye, Betty.

920
01:05:59,830 --> 01:06:01,263
Bye.

921
01:06:01,350 --> 01:06:04,262
Betty, leaving so soon?

922
01:06:04,350 --> 01:06:05,908
I'm red.

923
01:06:07,590 --> 01:06:09,626
(Crowd cheering)

924
01:06:14,710 --> 01:06:17,224
(Slurp)

925
01:06:33,230 --> 01:06:37,303
(Pauline) 'The Westerburg suicides
were tough on all of us,

926
01:06:37,390 --> 01:06:42,100
'but we shared the pain of losing
three very popular students.

927
01:06:42,190 --> 01:06:45,819
'I came into the cafeteria,
asked them to hold hands... '

928
01:06:45,910 --> 01:06:48,743
Isn't that that flake
we met at the open house?

929
01:06:48,830 --> 01:06:51,139
'... burst of cleansing synchronicity,

930
01:06:51,230 --> 01:06:54,620
'TV cameras happened
onto our path and captured... '

931
01:06:54,710 --> 01:06:57,270
Cleansing synchronicity?

932
01:06:57,350 --> 01:07:01,138
Outpouring of emotion?

933
01:07:01,230 --> 01:07:03,539
(Dad) Ha! Look! There's Heather.

934
01:07:04,790 --> 01:07:07,463
There's Heather. Where are you, Veronica?

935
01:07:07,550 --> 01:07:13,261
'Before a teenager decides to kill himself,
there are certain facts that he should know.

936
01:07:13,350 --> 01:07:19,141
'After all, this decision affects all of us
and there's only one chance to get it right.'

937
01:07:28,710 --> 01:07:31,907
(Horns honk, tyres screech)

938
01:07:31,990 --> 01:07:33,946
'Getting some supervi... '

939
01:07:34,030 --> 01:07:35,861
Turn that back on.

940
01:07:35,950 --> 01:07:38,259
These programmes are eating suicide up.

941
01:07:38,350 --> 01:07:41,183
They're making it sound like
a cool thing to do.

942
01:07:41,270 --> 01:07:46,219
Are you trying to tell me it's not a time
for troubled youth? Stand up straight.

943
01:07:46,310 --> 01:07:49,507
All we want is to be
treated like human beings,

944
01:07:49,590 --> 01:07:52,104
not patronised like bunny rabbits.

945
01:07:52,190 --> 01:07:54,340
I don't patronise bunny rabbits.

946
01:07:54,430 --> 01:07:56,421
Treated like human beings?

947
01:07:56,510 --> 01:08:00,264
Is that what you said,
little Miss Voice-of-a-generation?

948
01:08:00,350 --> 01:08:03,581
How do you think adults
act with other adults?

949
01:08:03,670 --> 01:08:06,343
You think it's all just
a game of doubles tennis?

950
01:08:06,430 --> 01:08:09,866
When teenagers complain
they want to be treated like human beings,

951
01:08:09,950 --> 01:08:12,748
it's because they are
being treated like human beings.

952
01:08:12,830 --> 01:08:17,301
Well, I guess I picked the wrong time
to be a human being.

953
01:08:17,390 --> 01:08:19,381
Well, you'll live.

954
01:08:25,510 --> 01:08:27,466
Want some p�t�?

955
01:08:27,550 --> 01:08:29,461
(Door opens)

956
01:08:29,550 --> 01:08:31,984
Hi, everybody. Door was open.

957
01:08:32,070 --> 01:08:34,425
Veronica, have you heard?

958
01:08:34,510 --> 01:08:36,865
We were doing Chinese at the food fair

959
01:08:36,950 --> 01:08:40,260
when we heard Martha Dumptruck
tried to buy the farm.

960
01:08:40,350 --> 01:08:44,184
She belly-flopped in front of a car
wearing a suicide note.

961
01:08:45,190 --> 01:08:46,942
Is she dead?

962
01:08:47,030 --> 01:08:50,705
No. That's the punch line.
She's in stable condition.

963
01:08:50,790 --> 01:08:55,818
Just another case of a geek trying to imitate
the popular people and failing miserably.

964
01:08:55,910 --> 01:08:57,866
Is that p�t�?

965
01:09:01,910 --> 01:09:05,380
- I said I was sorry.
- You were out of control.

966
01:09:05,470 --> 01:09:08,542
Heather and Kurt were a shock
but Martha Dumptruck?

967
01:09:08,630 --> 01:09:11,747
Get crucial. She dialled
suicide hotlines in her diapers.

968
01:09:11,830 --> 01:09:13,946
You're not funny.

969
01:09:14,990 --> 01:09:19,188
Look, Martha couldn't take the heat
so she got out of the kitchen.

970
01:09:19,270 --> 01:09:23,980
Just think what a better place this world
would be if every nimrod followed her cue.

971
01:09:24,070 --> 01:09:26,948
Just shut up. Hot Probs is on.

972
01:09:27,030 --> 01:09:28,509
Oh, shit. Yeah.

973
01:09:28,590 --> 01:09:33,106
(Man) 'Skipper's OK but sometimes
I feel like I'm on that island

974
01:09:33,190 --> 01:09:36,341
'and Gilligan can be so stupid sometimes... '

975
01:09:36,430 --> 01:09:40,105
If it wasn't for the courage
of the fearless crew,

976
01:09:40,190 --> 01:09:43,341
the Minnow would be lost,
and you are too.

977
01:09:43,430 --> 01:09:45,022
Next call.

978
01:09:45,110 --> 01:09:49,023
'Hey, you've got the dog-catcher.'

979
01:09:49,110 --> 01:09:53,467
'My name is Heather.
No... it's not Heather.'

980
01:09:54,750 --> 01:09:56,786
No, it...

981
01:09:58,310 --> 01:10:01,905
It's Madonna. Jeez. No, not that.

982
01:10:01,990 --> 01:10:05,380
Hey, babe, I need a name.

983
01:10:05,470 --> 01:10:07,540
(Bird chirps)

984
01:10:11,110 --> 01:10:13,021
My name is Tweety.

985
01:10:13,110 --> 01:10:15,066
'Tweety?

986
01:10:16,390 --> 01:10:18,028
'Ooh, tweet! '

987
01:10:18,110 --> 01:10:19,862
God has cursed me, I think.

988
01:10:21,630 --> 01:10:25,464
The last guy I had sex with
killed himself the next day.

989
01:10:28,310 --> 01:10:30,266
I'm failing math.

990
01:10:30,350 --> 01:10:32,068
My whole life is a mess.

991
01:10:32,150 --> 01:10:35,028
I'm supposed to be captain of
the cheerleading...

992
01:10:35,110 --> 01:10:38,341
She knows we listen to this show.

993
01:10:38,430 --> 01:10:41,740
Holy shit! We'll crucify her.

994
01:10:41,830 --> 01:10:45,220
'... my parents are divorced and stuff... '

995
01:10:47,430 --> 01:10:50,740
'Heather told everyone about Heather.

996
01:10:52,110 --> 01:10:55,739
'Yes, dear diary,
I've cut off Heather Chandler's head

997
01:10:55,830 --> 01:10:59,186
'and Heather Duke's head
has sprouted in its place

998
01:10:59,270 --> 01:11:01,261
'like some mythological thing

999
01:11:01,350 --> 01:11:04,740
'my eighth-grade boyfriend
would have known about.

1000
01:11:05,910 --> 01:11:08,708
'Heather's even doing the old note trick.

1001
01:11:10,830 --> 01:11:13,549
'(Sighs) I've seen JD's way.

1002
01:11:13,630 --> 01:11:17,305
'I've seen Miss Pauline Fleming's way

1003
01:11:17,390 --> 01:11:19,346
'and nothing has changed.

1004
01:11:19,430 --> 01:11:21,660
'I guess that's Heather's way.

1005
01:11:21,750 --> 01:11:24,469
'And, Jesus, what about JD?

1006
01:11:24,550 --> 01:11:26,939
'I can't get him out of my head.

1007
01:11:27,030 --> 01:11:29,464
'Wait. Where's Heather going? '

1008
01:11:29,550 --> 01:11:31,700
Where's Heather going?

1009
01:11:31,790 --> 01:11:33,940
She's going to cry.

1010
01:11:34,030 --> 01:11:36,066
(Students laugh)

1011
01:11:38,110 --> 01:11:40,704
Fucking child protector caps.

1012
01:11:43,990 --> 01:11:45,981
Now where is she going?

1013
01:11:50,790 --> 01:11:52,348
Heather.

1014
01:11:53,710 --> 01:11:57,749
- What are you trying to do? Kill me?
- What are you trying to do? Sleep?

1015
01:11:59,670 --> 01:12:02,104
Suicide is a private thing.

1016
01:12:02,190 --> 01:12:04,704
Heather, you're throwing your life away

1017
01:12:04,790 --> 01:12:07,702
to become a statistic
in the US fucking A Today.

1018
01:12:07,790 --> 01:12:10,702
That's the least private thing I can think of.

1019
01:12:10,790 --> 01:12:13,748
What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?

1020
01:12:17,310 --> 01:12:20,143
If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

1021
01:12:23,390 --> 01:12:25,187
Probably.

1022
01:12:26,670 --> 01:12:30,026
Hey now, if you were happy
every day of your life,

1023
01:12:30,110 --> 01:12:33,705
you wouldn't be a human being,
you'd be a game show host.

1024
01:12:33,790 --> 01:12:38,659
What do you say we knock off early,
buy some shoes, something lame like that?

1025
01:12:39,630 --> 01:12:41,348
OK.

1026
01:12:47,350 --> 01:12:49,102
So it's come to this.

1027
01:12:49,190 --> 01:12:50,987
Heather Chandler did polls,

1028
01:12:51,070 --> 01:12:55,586
I want you to do a petition,
as a favour, as the favour.

1029
01:12:55,670 --> 01:12:58,628
You've heard of the group Big Fun, right?

1030
01:12:58,710 --> 01:13:01,907
That's right. Teenage Suicide Don't Do It.

1031
01:13:01,990 --> 01:13:06,905
Right. Some teenybopper rag
says that they want to play a prom.

1032
01:13:06,990 --> 01:13:10,903
It could be Westerburg's
if we get everybody's John Hancock.

1033
01:13:10,990 --> 01:13:12,742
I'll get right on it, coach.

1034
01:13:12,830 --> 01:13:16,061
Little gift for you. I won't be needing it.

1035
01:13:49,390 --> 01:13:50,982
Heather?

1036
01:13:51,070 --> 01:13:52,264
Veronica.

1037
01:13:52,350 --> 01:13:54,944
Colour me stoked, girl.

1038
01:13:55,030 --> 01:13:57,066
Everyone's signed this petition,

1039
01:13:57,150 --> 01:14:00,460
even the ones who think
Big Fun are tuneless Eurofags.

1040
01:14:00,550 --> 01:14:02,268
People love me.

1041
01:14:02,350 --> 01:14:04,261
You haven't signed yet.

1042
01:14:04,350 --> 01:14:07,387
People love you but I know you.

1043
01:14:07,470 --> 01:14:10,303
Jennifer Forbes told me
the petition she signed

1044
01:14:10,390 --> 01:14:13,939
was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria
and Doug Hilton said...

1045
01:14:14,030 --> 01:14:17,022
Some people need
different kinds of convincing.

1046
01:14:17,110 --> 01:14:19,385
Just sign the petition, OK?

1047
01:14:19,470 --> 01:14:21,381
Don't talk to me like that, OK?

1048
01:14:21,470 --> 01:14:23,779
Look, it was JD's idea.

1049
01:14:23,870 --> 01:14:28,546
He made out the signature sheet
and everything so why not just sign it?

1050
01:14:28,630 --> 01:14:29,904
No.

1051
01:14:32,150 --> 01:14:33,708
Jealous much?

1052
01:14:37,510 --> 01:14:41,981
Heather, why can't you just be a friend?
Why are you such a megabitch?

1053
01:14:43,190 --> 01:14:45,101
Because I can be.

1054
01:14:46,470 --> 01:14:48,745
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

1055
01:14:48,830 --> 01:14:52,789
Do you think if Betty Finn's
fairy godmother made her cool,

1056
01:14:52,870 --> 01:14:56,101
she'd still hang out
with her dweebette friends?

1057
01:14:56,190 --> 01:14:58,420
No way, Veronica.

1058
01:14:58,510 --> 01:15:00,341
Uh-uh.

1059
01:15:10,350 --> 01:15:12,659
(JD) Want to go out tonight?

1060
01:15:12,750 --> 01:15:15,628
Catch a movie, some miniature golf?

1061
01:15:15,710 --> 01:15:20,830
I was thinking more along the lines
of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open,

1062
01:15:20,910 --> 01:15:23,060
making it look like a suicide.

1063
01:15:23,150 --> 01:15:25,869
Now you're talking. I could be up for that.

1064
01:15:25,950 --> 01:15:29,420
I've already started
underlining meaningful passages

1065
01:15:29,510 --> 01:15:32,707
in her copy of Moby Dick,
if you know what I mean.

1066
01:15:34,230 --> 01:15:36,266
I knew you'd be back, Veronica.

1067
01:15:37,430 --> 01:15:40,388
I knew it. I was positive sure.

1068
01:15:42,430 --> 01:15:43,624
(Grunts)

1069
01:15:44,830 --> 01:15:46,786
It's over, JD, over.

1070
01:15:46,870 --> 01:15:48,428
Grow up!

1071
01:15:48,510 --> 01:15:50,341
You don't get it.

1072
01:15:50,430 --> 01:15:52,500
You were wrong. I was right.

1073
01:15:55,030 --> 01:15:57,066
Strength, damn it!

1074
01:15:58,350 --> 01:16:00,306
Come on, come back!

1075
01:16:09,390 --> 01:16:11,221
Yes?

1076
01:16:11,310 --> 01:16:15,747
Your friend Jason Dean stopped by.
He seemed very concerned about you.

1077
01:16:15,830 --> 01:16:19,425
He said he thought
you might try to kill yourself.

1078
01:16:19,510 --> 01:16:21,466
You have been depressed lately.

1079
01:16:21,550 --> 01:16:23,506
Oh, he left this for you.

1080
01:16:30,630 --> 01:16:32,586
Oh, my God.

1081
01:16:33,590 --> 01:16:37,583
He said that we should
keep you away from sharp objects,

1082
01:16:37,670 --> 01:16:40,821
closed garage doors,
chemical, uh, substances.

1083
01:16:40,910 --> 01:16:43,788
- Prescription drugs.
- Prescription drugs.

1084
01:17:22,030 --> 01:17:26,660
"To neither love
nor reverence wilt thou be kind,

1085
01:17:26,750 --> 01:17:31,187
"and even for hate thou canst but kill,

1086
01:17:31,270 --> 01:17:33,420
"and all are killed."

1087
01:17:35,470 --> 01:17:36,949
I like it.

1088
01:17:37,030 --> 01:17:39,419
It's got that what-a-cruel-world

1089
01:17:39,510 --> 01:17:43,947
so let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss
type of ambiance, huh?

1090
01:17:45,750 --> 01:17:48,742
Come on. It's Heather's copy of Moby Dick.

1091
01:17:51,030 --> 01:17:53,988
Why don't you give it a try?
Underline something.

1092
01:17:55,990 --> 01:17:58,584
Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho!

1093
01:17:58,670 --> 01:18:02,549
You think you're a rebel?
Do you actually think you're a rebel?

1094
01:18:02,630 --> 01:18:05,542
You're not a rebel.
You're fucking psychotic.

1095
01:18:07,270 --> 01:18:09,784
You say "tom-ay-to", I say "tom-ah-to".

1096
01:18:09,870 --> 01:18:11,781
Hold it.

1097
01:18:11,870 --> 01:18:15,101
Eskimo. Look at that.

1098
01:18:16,190 --> 01:18:18,784
That's one word. I love it!

1099
01:18:18,870 --> 01:18:23,261
I usually go for the whole sentence myself
but this is perfecto.

1100
01:18:23,350 --> 01:18:27,025
Eskimo, you know, it's so, uh, mysterious.

1101
01:18:28,230 --> 01:18:31,745
Eskimo.

1102
01:18:36,390 --> 01:18:38,346
Come on.

1103
01:18:40,030 --> 01:18:42,225
JD, you are not listening to me.

1104
01:18:43,270 --> 01:18:45,738
Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag!

1105
01:18:47,550 --> 01:18:49,825
Th-th-that knife is filthy.

1106
01:18:49,910 --> 01:18:53,425
Do you think I'm going to
take out her tonsils with it?

1107
01:18:53,510 --> 01:18:56,820
Excuse me, I think I know Heather
a little better than you do.

1108
01:18:56,910 --> 01:19:01,108
If she was going to slit her wrists,
the knife would be spotless.

1109
01:19:01,910 --> 01:19:05,141
How's this? Can you see your fucking
reflection in the thing?

1110
01:19:07,950 --> 01:19:11,147
Tomorrow someone else
will move into her place.

1111
01:19:12,590 --> 01:19:14,342
That person could be me.

1112
01:19:19,030 --> 01:19:22,500
Ha! There's only one of us
knows Heather's handwriting.

1113
01:19:22,590 --> 01:19:26,060
If you think I'll write another suicide note,
you're wrong.

1114
01:19:26,150 --> 01:19:28,789
You don't get it! Society nods its head

1115
01:19:28,870 --> 01:19:33,386
at any horror the American teenager
can think to bring upon itself.

1116
01:19:33,470 --> 01:19:37,907
Nobody's going to care about
exact handwriting. Help me. Quick.

1117
01:19:47,750 --> 01:19:49,980
Life sucks.

1118
01:19:53,110 --> 01:19:55,066
It's perfecto.

1119
01:19:56,190 --> 01:19:59,865
Jesus, I've got
a meaningfully marked-up Moby Dick.

1120
01:19:59,950 --> 01:20:02,305
What else does a suicide need, huh?

1121
01:20:02,390 --> 01:20:04,346
Now, if you'll excuse me.

1122
01:20:09,590 --> 01:20:11,342
No!

1123
01:20:17,510 --> 01:20:19,466
Open the door!

1124
01:20:27,150 --> 01:20:29,106
Eskimo.

1125
01:20:33,390 --> 01:20:37,986
Heather Duke underlined a lot of things
in this copy of Moby Dick

1126
01:20:38,070 --> 01:20:41,949
but I believe the word Eskimo,

1127
01:20:42,030 --> 01:20:44,385
underlined all by itself,

1128
01:20:44,470 --> 01:20:48,258
is the key to understanding Heather's pain.

1129
01:20:48,350 --> 01:20:52,343
On the surface, Heather Duke
was the vivacious young lady

1130
01:20:52,430 --> 01:20:54,705
we all knew her to be...

1131
01:20:54,790 --> 01:20:58,419
but her soul was in Antarctica,

1132
01:20:58,510 --> 01:21:04,540
freezing with the knowledge
of the way fellow teenagers can be cruel...

1133
01:21:05,550 --> 01:21:10,385
the way that parents can be unresponsive...

1134
01:21:10,470 --> 01:21:14,748
and as she writes so eloquently
in her suicide note,

1135
01:21:14,830 --> 01:21:17,788
the way that life can suck.

1136
01:21:19,750 --> 01:21:22,981
We'll all miss Sherwood's little Eskimo.

1137
01:21:25,230 --> 01:21:29,701
Let's just hope
she's rubbing noses with Jesus.

1138
01:21:29,790 --> 01:21:31,940
Is this turnout weak or what?

1139
01:21:33,310 --> 01:21:36,347
I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.

1140
01:21:37,950 --> 01:21:39,178
Heather?

1141
01:21:43,230 --> 01:21:45,186
Oh, God, Veronica,

1142
01:21:45,270 --> 01:21:48,580
my afterlife is so boring.

1143
01:21:48,670 --> 01:21:51,468
If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...

1144
01:21:51,550 --> 01:21:53,188
What are you doing here?

1145
01:21:53,270 --> 01:21:55,864
I made your favourite -

1146
01:21:55,950 --> 01:21:58,100
spaghetti.

1147
01:21:58,190 --> 01:22:00,146
Lots of oregano.

1148
01:22:02,630 --> 01:22:04,461
Dinner!

1149
01:22:06,390 --> 01:22:08,346
(Mum) Veronica! Dinner!

1150
01:22:32,550 --> 01:22:35,587
'Dear diary, last entry.

1151
01:22:35,670 --> 01:22:37,422
'No one can stop JD -

1152
01:22:37,510 --> 01:22:41,389
'not the FBI, the CIA or the PTA.

1153
01:22:41,470 --> 01:22:45,861
'He once told me that
the extreme always makes an impression.

1154
01:22:45,950 --> 01:22:47,702
'Well, now it's my turn.

1155
01:22:47,790 --> 01:22:52,580
'Let's see how the son of a bitch reacts
to a suicide he didn't perform himself.'

1156
01:23:29,070 --> 01:23:30,867
I can't believe you did it.

1157
01:23:30,950 --> 01:23:32,906
I was teasing.

1158
01:23:34,310 --> 01:23:35,743
I loved you.

1159
01:23:36,990 --> 01:23:39,788
Sure, I was coming up here to kill you.

1160
01:23:42,270 --> 01:23:46,661
First I was going to try and get you back
with my amazing petition.

1161
01:23:50,430 --> 01:23:54,867
It's a shame you can't see what
our fellow students really signed.

1162
01:23:58,630 --> 01:24:00,586
All right, listen.

1163
01:24:03,830 --> 01:24:09,427
"We students of
Westerburg High will die. Today.

1164
01:24:09,510 --> 01:24:13,059
"Our burning bodies
will be the ultimate protest

1165
01:24:13,150 --> 01:24:16,062
"to a society that degrades us.

1166
01:24:17,150 --> 01:24:19,106
"Fuck you all."

1167
01:24:20,630 --> 01:24:26,182
It's not very subtle, but, uh, neither's
blowing up a whole school, now, is it?

1168
01:24:27,910 --> 01:24:30,344
Talk about your suicide pacts, huh?

1169
01:24:32,790 --> 01:24:35,668
When our school blows up tomorrow,

1170
01:24:35,750 --> 01:24:39,823
it's going to be the kind of thing
to infect a generation!

1171
01:24:39,910 --> 01:24:43,459
I mean, it's going to be
a Woodstock for the '80s.

1172
01:24:51,830 --> 01:24:53,786
Damn it, Veronica.

1173
01:24:55,430 --> 01:24:58,342
We could have
toasted some marshmallows together.

1174
01:25:01,990 --> 01:25:04,823
What does she want? A written invitation?

1175
01:25:04,910 --> 01:25:06,901
Veronica! Dinner!

1176
01:25:06,990 --> 01:25:08,742
Sheesh.

1177
01:25:13,630 --> 01:25:15,586
Veronica, I...

1178
01:25:18,430 --> 01:25:23,345
Oh, I... I... I should have let you
take that job at the mall.

1179
01:25:23,430 --> 01:25:28,106
It was just that I was afraid of you
coming home late at night and I...

1180
01:25:36,670 --> 01:25:39,548
Hey, Mom, why so tense?

1181
01:25:43,350 --> 01:25:45,147
(Knock on door)

1182
01:25:45,230 --> 01:25:48,427
(Dad) Hey, Prob, I need some help
with my homework.

1183
01:25:48,510 --> 01:25:51,547
Uh, not right now, tiger. I'm a little busy.

1184
01:26:19,390 --> 01:26:23,542
Veronica, JD told me
you committed suicide last night.

1185
01:26:23,630 --> 01:26:27,305
- Where is he? Where's JD?
- We have to talk.

1186
01:26:27,390 --> 01:26:32,305
Whether to kill yourself or not is the most
important decision a teenager can make.

1187
01:26:32,390 --> 01:26:33,789
Get a job.

1188
01:27:53,310 --> 01:27:55,187
(Door closes)

1189
01:28:29,070 --> 01:28:31,026
(Beeps)

1190
01:28:49,270 --> 01:28:51,738
(Bell rings)

1191
01:29:06,670 --> 01:29:08,979
Rodney, where's everybody going?

1192
01:29:10,190 --> 01:29:13,978
- It's Friday.
- Shit, another damn pep assembly.

1193
01:29:14,070 --> 01:29:18,382
Yeah. You know, these things,
they get pretty artificial

1194
01:29:18,470 --> 01:29:21,268
but you know, at least you get out of class.

1195
01:29:22,350 --> 01:29:25,103
Rodney, what's underneath the gym?

1196
01:29:28,830 --> 01:29:30,786
The boiler room.

1197
01:29:36,950 --> 01:29:39,464
May I see your hall pass?

1198
01:29:43,670 --> 01:29:46,628
I knew that loose was too noose.

1199
01:29:47,870 --> 01:29:50,748
I mean, uh, noose too loose.

1200
01:29:52,070 --> 01:29:54,026
Goddamn you, woman.

1201
01:29:54,990 --> 01:29:56,946
Like father, like son.

1202
01:29:57,030 --> 01:30:01,467
A serious-as-fuck bomb in the boiler room
to set off a pack of thermals upstairs.

1203
01:30:03,870 --> 01:30:08,819
Ok, let's start by putting the bomb down
on the ground.

1204
01:30:12,750 --> 01:30:14,422
I knew that.

1205
01:30:14,870 --> 01:30:16,667
I knew that.

1206
01:30:16,750 --> 01:30:19,867
OK, put your hands on your head.

1207
01:30:20,990 --> 01:30:23,106
You didn't say "Simon says".

1208
01:30:35,070 --> 01:30:37,868
(Cheering from pep rally)

1209
01:30:45,950 --> 01:30:47,702
Let's go!

1210
01:30:47,790 --> 01:30:50,099
Let's go, Rottweilers, let's go!

1211
01:30:50,630 --> 01:30:53,861
Let's go, Rottweilers, let's go!

1212
01:30:53,950 --> 01:30:56,783
(Cheering continues)

1213
01:31:09,830 --> 01:31:11,786
(Beeping)

1214
01:31:17,590 --> 01:31:18,864
(AIl) W-E-S!

1215
01:31:18,950 --> 01:31:21,180
- T-E-R!
- T-E-R!

1216
01:31:21,270 --> 01:31:23,830
- B-U-R!
- B-U-R!

1217
01:31:23,910 --> 01:31:25,423
- G!
- G!

1218
01:31:25,510 --> 01:31:27,899
- What does it spell?
- Westerburg!

1219
01:31:27,990 --> 01:31:30,948
- Again!
- Westerburg!

1220
01:31:31,030 --> 01:31:33,021
Westerburg!

1221
01:32:04,350 --> 01:32:06,705
Lean to the left, lean to the right!

1222
01:32:06,790 --> 01:32:10,100
Stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!

1223
01:32:22,190 --> 01:32:23,669
Stop!

1224
01:32:50,510 --> 01:32:53,024
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1225
01:33:24,670 --> 01:33:28,379
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1226
01:33:33,790 --> 01:33:36,748
You think because
you started this you can end it?

1227
01:33:36,830 --> 01:33:39,822
I'll kill, I'll fucking kill you, I swear to God.

1228
01:33:43,190 --> 01:33:45,943
How do I turn off the bomb, asshole?

1229
01:33:46,030 --> 01:33:47,907
Fuck you!

1230
01:33:48,470 --> 01:33:50,426
(Gunshot)

1231
01:33:56,470 --> 01:33:58,381
Shit!

1232
01:33:59,630 --> 01:34:02,349
It's all over, JD. Help me stop it.

1233
01:34:12,390 --> 01:34:15,063
You want to clean the slate as much as I do.

1234
01:34:16,030 --> 01:34:20,308
All right, so maybe I am
killing everyone in the school...

1235
01:34:20,390 --> 01:34:22,346
because nobody loves me.

1236
01:34:23,630 --> 01:34:27,623
Let's face it, all right?
The only place different social types

1237
01:34:27,710 --> 01:34:30,986
can genuinely get along
with each other is in heaven.

1238
01:34:35,670 --> 01:34:38,184
Which button do I press to turn it off?

1239
01:34:38,270 --> 01:34:40,704
Try the red one, all right?

1240
01:34:42,550 --> 01:34:46,429
People are going to look at
the ashes of Westerburg and say,

1241
01:34:46,510 --> 01:34:49,422
"Now, there is a school that self-destructed,

1242
01:34:49,510 --> 01:34:54,220
"not because society didn't care
but because the school was society!"

1243
01:34:56,310 --> 01:34:58,062
It's pretty deep, huh?

1244
01:34:58,150 --> 01:35:00,141
Which red button?

1245
01:35:02,670 --> 01:35:05,582
Press the middle one to turn it off...

1246
01:35:05,670 --> 01:35:07,626
if that's what you really want.

1247
01:35:07,710 --> 01:35:10,224
You know what I want, babe?

1248
01:35:11,390 --> 01:35:12,618
What?

1249
01:35:14,110 --> 01:35:15,782
(Beeping)

1250
01:35:21,630 --> 01:35:24,144
Cool guys like you out of my life.

1251
01:35:34,750 --> 01:35:37,503
(Beeping)

1252
01:36:12,070 --> 01:36:14,026
Colour me impressed.

1253
01:36:16,910 --> 01:36:21,506
You, uh, you really fucked me up
pretty bad, Veronica.

1254
01:36:25,830 --> 01:36:27,786
You, um...

1255
01:36:29,350 --> 01:36:31,306
you got power.

1256
01:36:32,750 --> 01:36:34,706
Power I didn't think you had.

1257
01:36:39,550 --> 01:36:41,222
The slate is clean.

1258
01:37:04,710 --> 01:37:07,304
Pretend I did blow up the school...

1259
01:37:08,470 --> 01:37:10,426
all the schools.

1260
01:37:11,750 --> 01:37:13,786
Now that you're dead,

1261
01:37:13,870 --> 01:37:16,259
what are you going to do with your life?

1262
01:37:39,390 --> 01:37:41,540
(Beeping)

1263
01:38:06,190 --> 01:38:08,146
(Explosion)

1264
01:38:44,150 --> 01:38:46,983
Veronica... you look like hell.

1265
01:38:47,070 --> 01:38:49,425
Yeah? I just got back.

1266
01:38:51,270 --> 01:38:53,306
Veronica, what are you doing?

1267
01:38:53,390 --> 01:38:55,108
Heather, my love,

1268
01:38:55,190 --> 01:38:57,340
there's a new sheriff in town.

1269
01:39:02,510 --> 01:39:04,626
Hey, Martha!

1270
01:39:04,710 --> 01:39:08,146
My date for the prom
kind of flaked out on me.

1271
01:39:08,230 --> 01:39:10,903
If you aren't doing anything that night,

1272
01:39:10,990 --> 01:39:14,619
maybe we can rent some new releases,
pop some popcorn.

1273
01:39:16,910 --> 01:39:18,582
I'd like that.

1274
01:39:18,670 --> 01:39:21,423
Yeah. So would I.
1241
01:39:45,990 --> 01:39:51,667
# When I was just a little girl

1242
01:39:51,750 --> 01:39:57,985
# I asked my mother, what will I be?

1243
01:39:59,070 --> 01:40:01,743
# Will I be pretty?

1244
01:40:01,830 --> 01:40:04,788
# Will I be rich?

1245
01:40:04,870 --> 01:40:08,988
# Here's what she said to me

1246
01:40:09,070 --> 01:40:14,667
# Qu� ser�, ser�

1247
01:40:18,750 --> 01:40:24,780
# Whatever will be

1248
01:40:24,870 --> 01:40:27,100
# Will be

1249
01:40:27,910 --> 01:40:31,220
# Will be

1250
01:40:32,310 --> 01:40:38,943
# The future's not ours to see

1251
01:40:39,830 --> 01:40:44,460
# Well, well, well, well, ohh

1252
01:40:44,550 --> 01:40:50,500
# Qu� ser�, que ser�

1253
01:40:50,590 --> 01:40:52,820
# Qu� ser�

1254
01:40:55,670 --> 01:41:01,381
# When I grew up and fell in love

1255
01:41:01,470 --> 01:41:07,420
# I asked my lover, what will I be?

1256
01:41:08,830 --> 01:41:14,348
# Will I be rich day after day?

1257
01:41:14,430 --> 01:41:18,662
# Here's how my lover said

1258
01:41:18,750 --> 01:41:24,905
# Qu� ser�, ser�

1259
01:41:25,990 --> 01:41:28,584
# Yeah

1260
01:41:28,670 --> 01:41:34,620
# Whatever will be

1261
01:41:34,710 --> 01:41:36,541
# Will be

1262
01:41:37,430 --> 01:41:40,069
# Will be

1263
01:41:43,510 --> 01:41:47,947
# Qu� ser�, ser�

1264
01:41:51,830 --> 01:41:54,788
# Whatever will be
# Whatever

1265
01:41:54,870 --> 01:41:56,940
# Will be

1266
01:41:57,950 --> 01:41:59,986
# Will be

1267
01:42:00,830 --> 01:42:03,628
# Will be

1268
01:42:06,190 --> 01:42:09,262
# The future's not ours to see

1269
01:42:17,590 --> 01:42:21,902
# Qu� ser�
# Qu� ser�

1270
01:42:21,990 --> 01:42:23,628
# Will be

1271
01:42:23,710 --> 01:42:25,666
# Qu� ser�

1272
01:42:28,630 --> 01:42:30,860
# Y'all get down #