1
00:00:24,119 --> 00:00:28,319
Guardian of the Universe. Protector against the forces of evil

2
00:00:28,439 --> 00:00:30,759
He can catch a bullet,
faster than a speeding train.

3
00:00:30,879 --> 00:00:33,159
He leaps tall buildings in a single bound.

4
00:00:33,279 --> 00:00:35,519
Up in the sky.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?

5
00:00:35,599 --> 00:00:38,839
...Mailman by day,
superhero by night.

6
00:00:38,919 --> 00:00:41,479
He protects New York
from the forces of evil.

7
00:00:41,559 --> 00:00:48,559
... The World has been protected by
extraordinary men and women who have
dedicated themselves to fighting crime.

8
00:00:48,639 --> 00:00:52,999
He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings.

9
00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:05,599
I always wondered why nobody did it
before me

10
00:01:07,559 --> 00:01:11,799
I mean, all those comic
books. Movies. TV shows...

11
00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:14,679
You'd think that one eccentric loner
would have made himself a costume.

12
00:01:17,439 --> 00:01:20,719
Is everyday life really so
exciting,

13
00:01:20,719 --> 00:01:24,799
are schools and offices so thrilling, that I�m the only one who ever fantasized about this?

14
00:01:25,479 --> 00:01:28,759
C'mon. Be honest with yourself.

15
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,559
At some point in our lives,

16
00:01:30,599 --> 00:01:33,759
we all wanted to be a super hero.

17
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:48,599
That's not me, by the way.

18
00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:52,759
That's some Armenian guy with a history of
mental health problems.

19
00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:54,959
Who am I?

20
00:01:56,959 --> 00:01:59,479
I'm "Kick-Ass"

21
00:02:07,479 --> 00:02:10,399
That's me. Back before any of this
crazy shit happened.

22
00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:14,479
Guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero

23
00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:17,839
Not saying there was anything wrong
with me.

24
00:02:17,879 --> 00:02:20,639
But there's not nothing special either

25
00:02:20,679 --> 00:02:23,439
I wasn't into sports

26
00:02:24,439 --> 00:02:26,479
I wasn't a mathlete...
or a hard-core gamer...

27
00:02:28,239 --> 00:02:31,039
I didn't have a piercing,
or an eating disorder,

28
00:02:31,559 --> 00:02:33,279
or three thousand
friends on MySpace.

29
00:02:33,879 --> 00:02:36,959
My only superpower was being invisible to girls

30
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,959
But out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one.

31
00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:44,839
Like most people my age, I just
existed.

32
00:02:54,959 --> 00:02:56,159
Good morning, class

33
00:02:56,439 --> 00:02:59,959
Please open your books to act II, scene II

34
00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:03,999
Kick in my bedroom door, you'ld
probably find me watching TV.

35
00:03:04,959 --> 00:03:06,679
Or talking to my friend Todd on Skype.

36
00:03:06,839 --> 00:03:08,679
You watching Family Guy?
Nope.

37
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:10,319
Me neither.

38
00:03:10,319 --> 00:03:13,079
try "hardnipplesweat.com......It's good

39
00:03:16,399 --> 00:03:18,879
Or "jerking off".
Mostly to my English teacher

40
00:03:20,519 --> 00:03:25,439
David Lizewski, don't think I
haven't noticed you looking at my tits?

41
00:03:27,399 --> 00:03:30,999
Oh!...I want your
hand all over me...Dave...please

42
00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:37,559
Sure a lot of what got me through the average school day
was making deposits in the wack-off warehouse for later

43
00:03:39,239 --> 00:03:41,879
Though, to be honest I didn't take much to set me off.

44
00:03:43,359 --> 00:03:48,439
I swear, when hormones balance out
shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.

45
00:03:52,039 --> 00:03:53,159
Dave Lizewski

46
00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:55,359
Shouldn't you be looking at Hamlet right now?

47
00:03:55,879 --> 00:03:56,799
Yes, Mrs. Zane

48
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,159
Sorry

49
00:04:01,999 --> 00:04:02,999
But don't make me wrong

50
00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:04,839
I like girls in my own age, too.

51
00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:07,879
Especially Katie Deauxma.

52
00:04:07,879 --> 00:04:08,799
Hey gorgeous!

53
00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:10,479
Hey!

54
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:15,679
Oh, No

55
00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:17,959
you meant - Erika

56
00:04:18,479 --> 00:04:20,279
I know. I
knew that.

57
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:21,639
I was just kidding.

58
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,039
O.K., cool.

59
00:04:24,919 --> 00:04:25,719
oh, my God

60
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:31,559
Hey , look I'm Todd's mom.

61
00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:35,599
Oh, that's funny, this is your dad

62
00:04:36,679 --> 00:04:38,159
No That's still my mom, actually

63
00:04:41,119 --> 00:04:42,119
what the fuck?

64
00:04:42,439 --> 00:04:44,159
I was just a regular guy.

65
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:48,919
No radioactive spiders.
No refugee status from a doomed alien world.

66
00:04:48,919 --> 00:04:54,119
You know what? Todd said they do still
make Count Chocula. They just don�t
sell it in the store anymore.

67
00:04:56,519 --> 00:04:58,919
My mother was killed by an aneurism
in the kitchen,

68
00:04:58,919 --> 00:05:01,239
as opposed to a
gunman in an alley.

69
00:05:01,239 --> 00:05:05,759
So if you were hoping for any...
I will avenge you, mother!

70
00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:06,679
...You're outta luck.

71
00:05:07,079 --> 00:05:09,159
In fact, in the eighteen months
since my mother died,

72
00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:12,999
the only epiphany I had was realizing that,
life just goes on.

73
00:05:12,999 --> 00:05:14,559
Did they change the bee's face?

74
00:05:16,159 --> 00:05:17,159
No

75
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,999
How come nobody's ever tried to be
a superhero?

76
00:05:27,559 --> 00:05:30,559
well, I dunno. Probably
'cause it's fucking impossible, dip-shit.

77
00:05:30,559 --> 00:05:33,439
What, putting on a mask and helping
people? How is that impossible?

78
00:05:33,439 --> 00:05:35,639
That's not a superhero, though. It has to have Super

79
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:39,319
Super is like, being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. That's just hero.

80
00:05:39,319 --> 00:05:41,959
No, It's not even hero, it�s just fuckin'
psycho.

81
00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:44,279
Hello? Bruce Wayne?

82
00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:45,479
He didn't have any powers.

83
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,999
Yeah, but he had all expensive shit
that doesn't exist.

84
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:50,159
I thought you meant, like how come
no one does it in real life.

85
00:05:50,199 --> 00:05:51,679
Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant.

86
00:05:51,679 --> 00:05:55,479
Dude if anybody did it in real life
they'd get their ass kicked.

87
00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:56,199
They'd be dead in like, a day.
...A day.

88
00:05:56,199 --> 00:05:57,999
O.K., I'm not saying they should do it.

89
00:05:57,999 --> 00:05:59,759
I just can�t figure out why nobody
does.

90
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:03,719
Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes

91
00:06:03,719 --> 00:06:05,399
you'd think
one would give it a try.

92
00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:08,799
Jesus, guys. Doesn't it bug you?

93
00:06:08,799 --> 00:06:11,959
Why do thousands of people wanna be Paris
Hilton, and nobody wants to be Spider-Man?

94
00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:14,399
Yeah, what's with that? She has,
like, no tits at all.

95
00:06:14,879 --> 00:06:17,039
Maybe it's the porn tape.
He doesn't have a porn tape.

96
00:06:17,039 --> 00:06:18,759
You never saw One Night in
Spider-Man?

97
00:06:21,599 --> 00:06:22,959
Guess who?

98
00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:29,559
Is it just me, or do you feel kinda
sorry for Chris D'Amico?

99
00:06:29,559 --> 00:06:32,559
Yeah, must be terrible to have a
rich dad and everything you want.

100
00:06:33,199 --> 00:06:35,719
I wish you hadn't said anything. 'Cause I feel like I'm gonna start crying.

101
00:06:36,199 --> 00:06:37,599
No, the fact that it

102
00:06:37,599 --> 00:06:39,359
Yeh, but he's always on his own.

103
00:06:40,799 --> 00:06:42,959
We should, like, talk to him.

104
00:06:42,959 --> 00:06:44,639
See if he wants to hang with us.

105
00:06:44,639 --> 00:06:46,399
.... I'm not saying that we should talk to him, but

106
00:06:46,399 --> 00:06:50,439
Think about it. C'mon it�d be awesome! If
he was our friend, no one would
ever fuck with us again!

107
00:06:50,679 --> 00:06:52,119
Go on then, Todd.

108
00:06:52,119 --> 00:06:53,759
No, no -
What you mean? Want me to talk to him? -

109
00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:56,599
Nuh-uh. Dave should go.
Dave should go.

110
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,919
Why?
Dave you should totally go.
Go.

111
00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:00,919
Do not be afraid Dave -

112
00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:01,919
You are a pussy

113
00:07:09,319 --> 00:07:10,479
Fuck off.

114
00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:17,799
Wanna go over there? -
Yeah -.............

115
00:07:17,799 --> 00:07:19,919
You think I just shat my pants or what?....

116
00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:22,159
Yeah.

117
00:07:22,639 --> 00:07:25,519
Yeah I would just klick his ass

118
00:07:25,519 --> 00:07:27,479
When did you ever kick anyone's ass?

119
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,799
Whatever, man I would've just gone for his knees....

120
00:07:29,879 --> 00:07:31,279
You are not making sense.

121
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:38,359
What I'm saying is that in the Joker portion when he got in "Evaran" when he vowed to penetrate
the Joker's force field leaving him totally vulnerable

122
00:07:38,359 --> 00:07:39,799
Pussy Patrol!

123
00:07:40,199 --> 00:07:41,359
Phones. Money.

124
00:07:41,359 --> 00:07:42,719
Hey guys, not again
Come on

125
00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:47,639
Phone.
I don't have one! Somebody else
jacked it last week!

126
00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:49,239
Pussy

127
00:07:49,239 --> 00:07:51,399
Gimme the bag
It�s just comics.

128
00:07:51,879 --> 00:07:53,199
Yo! You wanna get cut?

129
00:08:03,479 --> 00:08:05,639
Look at this asshole, just watching

130
00:08:10,039 --> 00:08:12,839
Come on, be honest with yourself

131
00:08:12,839 --> 00:08:15,399
would you do anything differently

132
00:08:17,559 --> 00:08:20,079
We see someone in trouble
and we wish we can help

133
00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:21,679
But we don't

134
00:08:26,199 --> 00:08:29,839
The world I lived in,
heroes only exist in comic books

135
00:08:31,359 --> 00:08:35,119
But I guess that would have been OK if bad guys were make believe too.

136
00:08:36,359 --> 00:08:37,679
But they are not

137
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,839
Frankie. I swear I'm not making this up.

138
00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:48,519
This fucking guy... Comes outta nowhere
kicks our asses, steals all the coke

139
00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:50,439
This would be the guy that looks
like Batman.

140
00:08:50,439 --> 00:08:52,079
I didn't say look like Batman.

141
00:08:52,079 --> 00:08:54,839
You did Tre. You said the the guy looked like Batman

142
00:08:54,839 --> 00:08:57,279
And you said like a mask and stuff
And a cape?
Yeah like Batman.

143
00:08:57,279 --> 00:09:00,399
I didn't say like Batman -
I never said �Batman�-

144
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:01,959
OK

145
00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:04,799
Let me tell you the problem I
got with that, Tre.

146
00:09:05,199 --> 00:09:09,359
Our mole with the
Russians tells things a little different.

147
00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:14,519
according to him, you've sold him my coke
and you took the money

148
00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,119
That's a fucking lie!

149
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:20,279
I can't believe that you would believe this shit from
a fucking Russian, man.

150
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,999
Let's see, Tre. What's more likely?

151
00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:25,919
That you're a greedy little cocksucker,

152
00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:28,639
Or that all my coke was stolen by Superman?
Batman.

153
00:09:29,079 --> 00:09:30,719
I never said Batman!

154
00:09:30,719 --> 00:09:31,799
Enough

155
00:09:34,999 --> 00:09:37,679
My son is waitin' out there in the car
to go to the movies.

156
00:09:38,159 --> 00:09:39,519
And I aint gonna to disappoint him

157
00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:42,079
Joe, you're in charge

158
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,879
Thanks -
That's gotta be the worst fuckin' excuse I ever heard, Tre.
(Screaming)

159
00:09:53,879 --> 00:09:55,039
Sorry you had to wait, buddy.

160
00:09:55,039 --> 00:09:56,679
The movie is starting in 10 minutes

161
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,159
It's O.K. We're cool.

162
00:09:58,719 --> 00:09:59,879
We're only gonna miss the trailers.

163
00:09:59,879 --> 00:10:01,439
Yeah, but I wanted to,
get some popcorn.

164
00:10:01,719 --> 00:10:03,559
When we get in there, get Chris some
popcorn.

165
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,679
Okay?

166
00:10:06,159 --> 00:10:07,199
What do you wanna drink, wanna Pepsi?

167
00:10:07,199 --> 00:10:08,159
That's fine

168
00:10:08,239 --> 00:10:09,919
get him pepsi
And I'll have an Icee.

169
00:10:10,519 --> 00:10:11,679
Mixed

170
00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:14,119
Like, when they mix the red one and the blue one?
(gun shot in background)

171
00:10:16,479 --> 00:10:17,559
And a pack of Twizzlers.

172
00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:40,239
The comic-books had it wrong.

173
00:10:40,719 --> 00:10:45,679
It didn't take a trauma, or cosmic
rays or a power ring to make a superhero.

174
00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:50,879
...Just the perfect combination of
optimism and naivety.

175
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:25,999
You are fucking awesome.

176
00:11:28,879 --> 00:11:30,319
C'mon

177
00:11:56,599 --> 00:12:02,239
Daddy? I'm scared.
C'mon Mindy, honey. Be a big girl now. There's nothin' to be afraid of.

178
00:12:02,799 --> 00:12:06,959
Is it gonna hurt bad?
oh, child. Only for a second, sugar.

179
00:12:07,399 --> 00:12:12,759
Handgun bullet travels at....more than?
700 miles an hour.
700 miles an hour.

180
00:12:12,759 --> 00:12:20,039
So at close range like this, the force is gonna take
you off your feet, for sure. But it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest.

181
00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:21,719
I hate getting punched in the
chest.

182
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,359
You're gonna be fine, baby doll.

183
00:12:32,399 --> 00:12:33,159
How was that?

184
00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:34,239
Not so bad.

185
00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:35,879
Kinda fun, huh?

186
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:37,639
Now you know how it feels,

187
00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:41,279
you won't be scared when some junkie
asshole pulls a Glock.

188
00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:42,599
Wouldn't have been scared anyways.

189
00:12:42,999 --> 00:12:44,119
That's my girl! 'kay.

190
00:12:44,119 --> 00:12:45,839
Up you get.

191
00:12:45,839 --> 00:12:48,359
Two more rounds, and then home.

192
00:12:48,359 --> 00:12:49,199
Again?

193
00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:50,119
Uh-huh.

194
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,879
Only if we can go by the bowling alley
on the way back.

195
00:12:53,399 --> 00:12:55,319
Bowling alley?

196
00:12:55,319 --> 00:12:56,239
Yep

197
00:12:56,239 --> 00:12:57,519
And then icecream after

198
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:00,679
Hmm. Okay.

199
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,159
Two more rounds,

200
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:07,519
no wincing, no whining and you got yourself a
deal, young lady.

201
00:13:08,319 --> 00:13:10,199
I'm gonna get Hot fudge sundae.

202
00:13:10,199 --> 00:13:12,079
Good call, baby doll!

203
00:13:15,439 --> 00:13:17,759
So you gonna tell a little more about what you might
want

204
00:13:17,759 --> 00:13:18,759
for your birthday?

205
00:13:19,279 --> 00:13:20,319
Can I get a puppy?

206
00:13:22,079 --> 00:13:23,279
Do you want to get a dog?

207
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,239
Yeah. A cuddly fluffy one.

208
00:13:25,399 --> 00:13:27,759
And a Bratz Moviestar Makeover Sasha.

209
00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:34,639
Just fucking with you daddy!

210
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:37,559
I'd love a Benchmade model-42 butterfly
knife.

211
00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:42,079
Oh child. You always knock me for a loop.

212
00:13:42,359 --> 00:13:44,079
Know what?
I'm gonna get you two

213
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:46,479
Two? -
Yes -

214
00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:48,359
That's what you get.

215
00:14:21,279 --> 00:14:22,599
I'll be honest,

216
00:14:22,599 --> 00:14:25,479
there wasn't a whole lotta crime
fighting in those first few weeks.

217
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:29,599
But even so, my new vocation kept
me plenty busy.

218
00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:39,039
I called it preparation.

219
00:14:41,199 --> 00:14:42,879
But if you called it fantasizing,

220
00:14:42,919 --> 00:14:45,079
it woulda been hard to argue.

221
00:14:45,119 --> 00:14:49,439
All I knew was I never felt so good about myself.

222
00:15:05,159 --> 00:15:05,879
Fuck!

223
00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:10,999
Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing
phase.

224
00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:13,239
But it was a start.

225
00:15:29,239 --> 00:15:31,119
what the fuck are you looking at?

226
00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:32,399
Nothing

227
00:15:32,439 --> 00:15:34,079
Get the fuck out of here

228
00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:44,799
Like every serial killer already knew, eventually
fantasizing just doesn�t do it for you anymore.

229
00:15:44,799 --> 00:15:46,639
It was time to engage

230
00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:54,759
what the fuck?

231
00:16:02,839 --> 00:16:04,359
what the fuck are you looking at?

232
00:16:05,559 --> 00:16:07,799
I said what the fuck are you looking at?

233
00:16:12,519 --> 00:16:18,279
Two cheapshit losers screwing with a car that
somebody probably worked their ass off to pay for.

234
00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:19,759
Say what?

235
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:21,519
Leave it be man.

236
00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:24,559
This Motherfucker is obviously high.

237
00:16:25,839 --> 00:16:26,879
I'm not high.

238
00:16:26,879 --> 00:16:30,399
I just think it sucks you guys think you can do
what you want.

239
00:16:31,439 --> 00:16:34,199
Just walk away from the car,
and we can just forget about it.

240
00:16:36,639 --> 00:16:38,559
You crazy, man!

241
00:16:38,719 --> 00:16:39,999
Fuck this shit!

242
00:16:53,239 --> 00:16:53,599
shit!

243
00:17:35,919 --> 00:17:39,599
I came out just long enough to beg the medics not to tell
anybody about the costume

244
00:17:40,839 --> 00:17:42,279
He promised he wouldn't

245
00:17:43,799 --> 00:17:46,639
All I knew was that my dad was gonna kill me.

246
00:18:00,759 --> 00:18:03,239
Why can not I get a gun?
I am the security guard

247
00:18:03,239 --> 00:18:05,759
You're a doorman, now. You don't get a gun no more.

248
00:18:05,759 --> 00:18:08,719
Look at me. I look like a putz.
You look sharp. Look at all them buttons

249
00:18:09,399 --> 00:18:11,439
Do your job. Open the fucking door

250
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:15,639
Have a nice day

251
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:43,479
Good Morning Frank

252
00:18:43,879 --> 00:18:45,119
Hey Joe. How ya doin'?

253
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,079
Great -
want some coffee? -

254
00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:48,479
Maybe later

255
00:18:48,679 --> 00:18:49,279
Good morning Angie

256
00:18:49,919 --> 00:18:51,679
Chris -
Good Morning Joe -

257
00:18:52,519 --> 00:18:54,159
Frank we got a thing

258
00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:57,799
It's a big thing Frank

259
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,239
OK

260
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,079
Sorry for the very

261
00:19:04,919 --> 00:19:06,399
do what you gotta do

262
00:19:10,599 --> 00:19:12,119
Chris, where you think you're going?

263
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:13,199
I gotta talk to dad.

264
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:13,959
Christopher

265
00:19:14,439 --> 00:19:15,239
Frank Honey

266
00:19:17,999 --> 00:19:19,079
Where do you think you're going?

267
00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:21,799
I don't mind you talking business. Dad

268
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:25,879
I was just gonna sit in there quietly. I mean I should probably
start learning and stuff, anyway, right?.

269
00:19:25,879 --> 00:19:27,639
Go finish your oatmeal

270
00:19:27,639 --> 00:19:30,959
Goddamit! I'm gonna be 18 in eight months for
chrissakes.

271
00:19:34,319 --> 00:19:35,279
Just sit

272
00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:39,479
So, what's the problem?

273
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:42,599
Our Russian says Tre just sold them
another 5 K's, at half price.

274
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:46,399
Which Tre? Tre Tre?

275
00:19:46,399 --> 00:19:48,359
Right. Dead Tre.

276
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,479
So now I'm getting fucked in the
ass by a ghost.

277
00:19:50,519 --> 00:19:52,159
Or Tre was telling the truth.

278
00:19:52,439 --> 00:19:57,599
What so this is my choice? I have to
believe in ghosts or superheroes?

279
00:19:57,639 --> 00:20:02,519
Not the part about the superhero, Franky.
Just that he mighta really been
gaffled by somebody.

280
00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:09,879
I think we better invited our
Russian friend over for a friendly chat.

281
00:20:11,639 --> 00:20:14,599
See what's really going on.

282
00:20:28,839 --> 00:20:30,199
Hey, early birdy

283
00:20:30,199 --> 00:20:33,599
You beat me to it.
I wanted to get you breakfast this morning

284
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,439
Happy birthday, sweetheart

285
00:20:36,479 --> 00:20:38,919
check this out

286
00:20:46,919 --> 00:20:49,639
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

287
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:50,799
Oh my God

288
00:20:51,479 --> 00:20:51,959
dad

289
00:20:55,719 --> 00:20:56,279
Wow

290
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:57,599
Wow, dad

291
00:20:58,439 --> 00:20:59,919
Ok, pop quiz

292
00:21:00,199 --> 00:21:01,799
What is the proper name for one of those?

293
00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:03,719
Isabelle It's...uh...Filippino. Ask me another one.

294
00:21:03,719 --> 00:21:05,479
Excellent, good.

295
00:21:05,479 --> 00:21:11,079
The AR 15 was a lighter, smaller caliber version
of what design?

296
00:21:11,079 --> 00:21:13,919
Eugene 7 AR-10
Give me a hard one.

297
00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:20,639
Name John Woo's first full length feature.

298
00:21:20,679 --> 00:21:22,359
Chi bi xia: Jue zhan tian xia

299
00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:24,079
Daddy look

300
00:21:24,079 --> 00:21:26,879
Hey, come on, you're not looking

301
00:21:29,239 --> 00:21:32,999
the point is some fucker's killing our guys

302
00:21:33,039 --> 00:21:37,959
If you find out who that is I don't  wanna see
any of you bitches sitting on your asses all right!!

303
00:21:37,999 --> 00:21:39,439
What the fuck you....?

304
00:21:39,479 --> 00:21:40,759
Hello

305
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:42,679
Hey Joe, yeah

306
00:21:43,039 --> 00:21:45,479
No, I was just training right now

307
00:21:45,479 --> 00:21:46,199
one second

308
00:21:46,719 --> 00:21:48,319
Dad.....phone.

309
00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:51,719
Dad, the phone's for you

310
00:21:52,279 --> 00:21:54,919
Who is it?
it's Joe

311
00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:01,399
what's the problem? -
Yeah, Frank turns out, man's got the vice here no more.

312
00:22:01,599 --> 00:22:02,839
Really -
aha -

313
00:22:02,879 --> 00:22:07,639
But we do got a brand new industrial microwave they use her for treating the lumber.

314
00:22:07,679 --> 00:22:08,839
So where is it?

315
00:22:09,319 --> 00:22:13,679
I think you must be confusing me with someone who gives a shit about the fucking lumber

316
00:22:13,719 --> 00:22:18,239
Well, you're right, I'm sorry, -
Just grabbed the information -

317
00:22:19,519 --> 00:22:20,519
Alright come on, go ahead

318
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:23,879
Hey look the guy told me he killed Fernandez

319
00:22:23,919 --> 00:22:25,319
What I know ? -
Shut up -

320
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:26,879
Jesus Fernandez is dead.

321
00:22:26,919 --> 00:22:28,439
Now, shut up

322
00:22:28,559 --> 00:22:29,959
He lied, so...

323
00:22:32,679 --> 00:22:34,959
Works like a regular microwave, or what?

324
00:22:34,999 --> 00:22:38,599
Fuck do I know? We're not making a fucking Hungry Man dinner here, just turn it on!

325
00:22:41,679 --> 00:22:42,439
Here we go

326
00:22:42,519 --> 00:22:45,679
O.K. I want to know who sold you our coke?

327
00:22:45,719 --> 00:22:48,599
And don't tell me somebody
who's dead, this time

328
00:22:57,319 --> 00:23:00,199
I said......

329
00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:04,519
Who

330
00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:06,479
Sold

331
00:23:06,479 --> 00:23:07,559
You

332
00:23:07,999 --> 00:23:10,239
Our....coke?

333
00:23:12,839 --> 00:23:14,119
Shit

334
00:23:19,279 --> 00:23:20,279
This is awesome

335
00:23:20,839 --> 00:23:22,319
I look like freakin' Wolverine.

336
00:23:23,519 --> 00:23:26,239
They still have that metal detector
at your school?

337
00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:29,599
Yeah, It's gonna have a meltdown!

338
00:23:30,759 --> 00:23:32,919
Dave, I need to ask you something.

339
00:23:34,879 --> 00:23:35,559
OK

340
00:23:35,959 --> 00:23:37,519
The police report...

341
00:23:37,839 --> 00:23:41,399
They found you naked. You said you didn't remember why.

342
00:23:41,999 --> 00:23:43,839
The muggers... they didn't...?

343
00:23:44,959 --> 00:23:46,079
What?

344
00:23:48,679 --> 00:23:49,439
No

345
00:23:49,439 --> 00:23:51,679
Jesus! No!

346
00:23:51,679 --> 00:23:53,359
I wasn't even...

347
00:23:53,879 --> 00:23:56,079
In the ambulance, they threw
my clothes away!

348
00:23:56,079 --> 00:23:57,319
Cause of the blood.
Right

349
00:24:05,399 --> 00:24:07,719
I know I not at all as far as back on my feet

350
00:24:07,719 --> 00:24:10,079
Dave, What?  -
Shhhs.

351
00:24:11,279 --> 00:24:12,959
Apart from the messed up nerve ending.

352
00:24:13,039 --> 00:24:14,839
The doctors had managed to fix me up pretty good.

353
00:24:16,439 --> 00:24:17,239
Did you feel that?

354
00:24:17,439 --> 00:24:17,919
No

355
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,959
You're like fucking Jason Bourne or
something! That owns!

356
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:23,199
How about that?
No. Marty,

357
00:24:23,199 --> 00:24:25,119
give it a fuckin' rest,
man.

358
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,399
I've only been back, like,
half a day and already you�re
making fun of me at the hospital.

359
00:24:28,399 --> 00:24:29,919
He's right
I'm sorry

360
00:24:29,919 --> 00:24:32,399
truly childish

361
00:24:43,999 --> 00:24:45,399
Hey

362
00:24:47,799 --> 00:24:48,719
Dave Hey

363
00:24:50,719 --> 00:24:51,439
Oh, hey

364
00:24:51,479 --> 00:24:53,399
How are you?

365
00:24:53,799 --> 00:24:54,799
You look better

366
00:24:54,839 --> 00:24:55,999
I'm OK

367
00:24:56,759 --> 00:24:58,479
Yeah, much better

368
00:24:58,519 --> 00:25:00,399
Hey, you�re into comic books, aren�t
you?

369
00:25:00,439 --> 00:25:03,399
Well... me and Erika sometimes hang out
after school at this really great store,

370
00:25:03,399 --> 00:25:08,079
Atomic Comics. They make the best like Crack-a-back-a-latte.

371
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:09,079
Yeah...?

372
00:25:11,959 --> 00:25:16,919
Well... I could buy you one
... sometime if you want? If you,
like, need someone to talk to?

373
00:25:16,959 --> 00:25:20,679
sure, thank you

374
00:25:20,719 --> 00:25:23,359
Ok. Sweet. Well I'll
see you later

375
00:25:27,679 --> 00:25:28,919
Man, did you just see that?!
Yeah -

376
00:25:28,959 --> 00:25:30,679
Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee

377
00:25:30,719 --> 00:25:33,639
Yeah..I really don't think that's the way it looks like

378
00:25:33,679 --> 00:25:34,759
What are you talking about?

379
00:25:34,799 --> 00:25:38,039
The point is, Katie Deauxma is all
about the lame ducks.

380
00:25:38,039 --> 00:25:40,319
What's that got to do with me?

381
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,519
I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this

382
00:25:42,519 --> 00:25:45,679
There's a rumor going around, right...

383
00:25:45,719 --> 00:25:47,799
that you...
what?
are gay

384
00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:49,079
Gay!!!

385
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:50,719
What kind of rumor is that?

386
00:25:50,759 --> 00:25:52,279
Well you know, getting mugged...

387
00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:53,559
You guys have been mugged!

388
00:25:53,559 --> 00:25:57,359
Yeah, I know...but...you know..
we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off.

389
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,679
That's not even true! The medics
threw my clothes away!

390
00:26:00,999 --> 00:26:03,959
Don't worry about it. Rumors don't mean shit.
We know the truth

391
00:26:03,959 --> 00:26:04,919
Right? -
Yes -

392
00:26:04,919 --> 00:26:07,199
Yeah. And who knows, it might even
get you laid.

393
00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:08,999
Not if she thinks he's gay, Todd,

394
00:26:08,999 --> 00:26:10,399
you fuckin' retard!

395
00:26:10,439 --> 00:26:12,799
Thanks a lot, Marty.
You aint fucking helping me-

396
00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:13,639
I'm just being honest

397
00:26:17,399 --> 00:26:19,639
I was getting back to my old self

398
00:26:19,679 --> 00:26:20,999
I should have quit, of course.

399
00:26:22,199 --> 00:26:23,959
But you can't just re-program
yourself

400
00:26:24,719 --> 00:26:27,319
what you want, who you
are... your purpose in life.

401
00:26:28,079 --> 00:26:29,879
oh no...I'm just stand around here

402
00:26:29,919 --> 00:26:33,999
It is what it is.

403
00:26:38,519 --> 00:26:39,519
You didn't see that did ya?

404
00:26:39,879 --> 00:26:41,279
I think it's best that you just walk away

405
00:26:41,719 --> 00:26:42,559
Well maybe you shouldn't do that.

406
00:26:42,959 --> 00:26:43,719
What?
Huh?

407
00:26:44,159 --> 00:26:44,679
You looking at me?

408
00:26:45,039 --> 00:26:46,159
Well this is my baby.

409
00:26:57,479 --> 00:26:58,479
Me?

410
00:26:58,519 --> 00:26:59,839
My hardware was fixed now.

411
00:27:00,479 --> 00:27:04,119
I was back and running Kick-ass
version 2.0

412
00:27:13,439 --> 00:27:14,919
Excuse me, did you see this cat?

413
00:27:15,319 --> 00:27:15,799
No

414
00:27:17,839 --> 00:27:19,639
Excuse me, Madam, Have you seen this cat?

415
00:27:22,679 --> 00:27:24,519
I'm sorry, did you see this cat?

416
00:27:47,439 --> 00:27:48,599
Great

417
00:27:50,559 --> 00:27:51,599
Come, Kitty

418
00:27:51,799 --> 00:27:53,319
Mr. Bitey

419
00:27:58,959 --> 00:27:59,839
Come on, no, no

420
00:28:00,399 --> 00:28:01,759
No, no, Mr. Bitey Come on

421
00:28:02,159 --> 00:28:03,799
Here, I get you home

422
00:28:03,839 --> 00:28:04,999
Come on

423
00:28:13,719 --> 00:28:18,479
Fuck you Mr. Bitey!!

424
00:28:22,999 --> 00:28:24,279
Oh God...I'm so sorry, man

425
00:28:24,719 --> 00:28:27,399
You fucking Green......!!!!

426
00:28:30,919 --> 00:28:31,879
Hey freak...

427
00:28:34,199 --> 00:28:34,759
Hey, leave it alone

428
00:28:35,239 --> 00:28:37,519
Fuck off man.

429
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:41,199
Guess it is.

430
00:29:09,359 --> 00:29:10,839
Hey, Call 911

431
00:29:15,799 --> 00:29:19,199
There's a dude dressed like a superhero out there fighting a bunch of guys.

432
00:29:23,279 --> 00:29:25,079
It's Fucking awesome!!!

433
00:29:52,359 --> 00:29:53,119
Leave him alone

434
00:29:59,399 --> 00:30:00,439
Give it up man.

435
00:30:00,559 --> 00:30:01,279
Just walk away

436
00:30:02,839 --> 00:30:03,839
No, never

437
00:30:05,159 --> 00:30:06,719
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

438
00:30:06,759 --> 00:30:08,399
You'd rather die for some piece of shit?

439
00:30:09,399 --> 00:30:10,959
That you don't even fucking know?

440
00:30:11,759 --> 00:30:15,199
You're just three asholes laying into one guy while everyone else watches.

441
00:30:16,519 --> 00:30:18,279
And you wanna know what's wrong with me?

442
00:30:20,839 --> 00:30:23,039
Yeah, I'd rather die.

443
00:30:23,479 --> 00:30:24,919
You bring it on!!
(Police sirens in background)

444
00:30:29,359 --> 00:30:30,639
You're fucking crazy kid

445
00:30:38,439 --> 00:30:39,599
What?

446
00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:41,919
Thank you!

447
00:30:44,719 --> 00:30:46,119
That fucking rocks!

448
00:30:46,599 --> 00:30:46,959
Who are you?

449
00:30:49,759 --> 00:30:50,959
I'm Kick Ass

450
00:30:55,239 --> 00:30:56,999
Dude you gotta check this shit out.

451
00:30:57,279 --> 00:30:58,799
what is it?

452
00:30:59,839 --> 00:31:09,559
And coming up after the hour: a costumed vigilante has become the
latest Internet phenomenon after a Hamilton Park resident filmed the
man's remarkable intervention in a gang-related attack last week...

453
00:31:09,599 --> 00:31:10,759
Pretty awesome

454
00:31:10,879 --> 00:31:11,519
Fuck Yeah.

455
00:31:11,639 --> 00:31:13,959
Welcome to this special edition
of Eye on New York

456
00:31:14,599 --> 00:31:17,119
How far would you go to help your fellow man?

457
00:31:17,159 --> 00:31:19,919
This cowel covered individual has been all over the news this week

458
00:31:19,999 --> 00:31:21,919
After this video of his intervention of street gang violence

459
00:31:23,239 --> 00:31:25,439
became the most watched web on the Internet

460
00:31:29,599 --> 00:31:31,319
On My Space, 38 press

461
00:31:31,719 --> 00:31:35,239
Kick-Ass is my favorite. 16,000 and counting.

462
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:37,159
This thing was going crazy

463
00:31:38,039 --> 00:31:39,079
And I was loving it

464
00:31:39,239 --> 00:31:42,239
Finally, we want to know who is this man

465
00:31:42,519 --> 00:31:45,879
Does anyone have any
idea who this wet suit Crusader is?

466
00:31:46,239 --> 00:31:50,319
He must be someone's son...
Someone's brother....
Someone's next door neighbor...

467
00:31:50,359 --> 00:31:51,879
Holy shit. What happened?

468
00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:53,679
what happened?

469
00:31:53,719 --> 00:31:55,959
This guy happened.

470
00:31:56,599 --> 00:31:57,919
This right there from her everybody

471
00:31:59,839 --> 00:32:02,039
Everbody's favorite superhero right now is Kick-Ass, right?

472
00:32:02,399 --> 00:32:03,199
Kick-Ass!! Yeah!!!

473
00:32:06,199 --> 00:32:07,799
I like Kick-Ass

474
00:32:12,479 --> 00:32:14,199
You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass

475
00:32:15,439 --> 00:32:17,319
He sure does give plenty of action for the guests

476
00:32:17,319 --> 00:32:19,639
Good at gettting his Ass-Kicked.

477
00:32:20,079 --> 00:32:22,599
He should call himself Ass-Kick, instead

478
00:32:23,399 --> 00:32:24,959
That doesn't even make any sense.

479
00:32:27,879 --> 00:32:29,439
That guy's gonna end up dead that's what I think.

480
00:32:29,439 --> 00:32:30,519
Are you serious? The guy owns.

481
00:32:30,519 --> 00:32:34,239
I'd probably notify him about it if a problem needed fixing.

482
00:32:34,239 --> 00:32:38,159
What you kidding me? I have 100 guys can fix a problem.
You gotta some guy in some panty-hose?

483
00:32:38,759 --> 00:32:40,839
Well, I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your business...

484
00:32:40,839 --> 00:32:42,439
where I'm not wanted.

485
00:32:44,119 --> 00:32:46,319
Please, I know you are mistaking me for Kick-Ass, but I am not Kick-Ass.

486
00:32:50,559 --> 00:32:52,559
I'm backed up right now

487
00:32:52,559 --> 00:32:53,719
your message has been sent

488
00:32:58,399 --> 00:33:00,719
Hey Dave
How about that coffee? Katie X

489
00:33:04,719 --> 00:33:06,359
You don't actually read comics?

490
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:07,559
Yeah, I just started. It got right to my system.

491
00:33:07,559 --> 00:33:11,599
It's got full graphs and shows you leads, that kind of thing.

492
00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:13,759
I'm not really into Polk superheroes or not.

493
00:33:15,799 --> 00:33:19,039
So...guess you're not gonna be lining up for
that new Kick-Ass comic, then.

494
00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:19,999
I guess not.

495
00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:25,599
You know what, I was seriously thinking of
e-mailing his site? I mean I could really use some help
from a guy like that right now.

496
00:33:26,119 --> 00:33:28,199
Help? Really? What with?

497
00:33:29,399 --> 00:33:31,079
You know I volunteer at the
needle exchange?

498
00:33:32,239 --> 00:33:33,039
No, I didn�t.

499
00:33:33,039 --> 00:33:36,639
there was this one guy,
Rasul? And I just felt so sorry for him and...

500
00:33:36,639 --> 00:33:39,679
more I found out about his up bringing and stuff I just...

501
00:33:42,639 --> 00:33:43,959
Wow, that's weird

502
00:33:44,279 --> 00:33:46,159
I'm usually the one playing therapist.

503
00:33:49,039 --> 00:33:50,479
Can I make a confession?

504
00:33:51,759 --> 00:33:53,279
Ever since
I was little

505
00:33:53,279 --> 00:33:55,839
I always wanted a
friend...

506
00:33:55,839 --> 00:33:57,159
....like....you.

507
00:33:58,239 --> 00:33:59,279
Is it okay to say that?

508
00:33:59,839 --> 00:34:01,199
I mean it�s not homophobic, is it?

509
00:34:03,319 --> 00:34:05,119
I mean I don't think you're all the
same or anything.

510
00:34:14,359 --> 00:34:16,439
Of course not. No.

511
00:34:17,519 --> 00:34:18,439
Thank you

512
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:26,119
I don't know if I was everything Katie had
always dreamed her gay b.f.f. would be.

513
00:34:26,679 --> 00:34:28,119
But I tried my best.

514
00:34:28,759 --> 00:34:31,839
But, more importantly, I
talked her into e-mailing Kick-Ass.

515
00:34:33,199 --> 00:34:34,399
Long story short,

516
00:34:35,079 --> 00:34:39,239
this particular lame duck of hers
turned out to be more of a lame cobra.

517
00:34:39,839 --> 00:34:45,199
She didn�t want the money back that
she'd given him, or an apology for
the black eye he'd given her.

518
00:34:45,199 --> 00:34:47,399
She just wanted him to get that they
were through,

519
00:34:47,399 --> 00:34:48,679
and leave her alone.

520
00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:50,399
let�s be real

521
00:34:50,999 --> 00:34:53,319
no other request could've given
me more pleasure.

522
00:35:09,639 --> 00:35:12,479
Who the fuck you're supposed to be?
The Greeen Condom?

523
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,159
You know it ain't Halloween for another few
months, kid.

524
00:35:16,799 --> 00:35:18,159
I'm here to see Rasul

525
00:35:20,279 --> 00:35:21,239
Who the fuck are you?

526
00:35:21,799 --> 00:35:24,519
I am a friend of Katie's

527
00:35:30,679 --> 00:35:32,159
Boys Do not pay attention to their appearance these days.........

528
00:35:46,399 --> 00:35:48,959
So Uhh....which one of you guys is Rasul?

529
00:35:55,759 --> 00:35:59,399
I am Rasul. Can't you tell by my big titty's?

530
00:36:02,839 --> 00:36:04,039
What is this? Trick or treat or somethin'?

531
00:36:06,519 --> 00:36:07,119
fuck

532
00:36:07,599 --> 00:36:08,399
And now I am dead

533
00:36:09,479 --> 00:36:11,239
I have a message for Rasul.

534
00:36:12,039 --> 00:36:13,199
About Katie Deauxma.

535
00:36:16,119 --> 00:36:16,759
Katie?

536
00:36:17,199 --> 00:36:18,119
Oh you're Rasul?

537
00:36:18,639 --> 00:36:19,799
Ok.

538
00:36:19,799 --> 00:36:21,519
You've gotta stay
away from Katie now.

539
00:36:21,999 --> 00:36:22,719
It's over.
So if you just...

540
00:36:23,199 --> 00:36:25,079
leave her alone.

541
00:36:25,079 --> 00:36:26,359
everything will be fine

542
00:36:26,839 --> 00:36:27,919
What?

543
00:36:29,439 --> 00:36:30,239
Yo Kid...

544
00:36:30,599 --> 00:36:31,359
Who the hell are you?

545
00:36:32,359 --> 00:36:33,239
What is this?

546
00:36:33,759 --> 00:36:36,199
I'm Kick-Ass.
Look me up.

547
00:36:36,919 --> 00:36:38,679
And this is me giving you a message:

548
00:36:39,199 --> 00:36:40,879
leave Katie alone

549
00:36:53,199 --> 00:36:53,919
Or what?

550
00:36:58,639 --> 00:36:59,679
Or

551
00:37:00,119 --> 00:37:03,959
I'll come back and break your
fucking legs.

552
00:37:08,799 --> 00:37:09,759
I'm right here now, baby

553
00:37:09,759 --> 00:37:10,839
Malcolm...

554
00:37:20,679 --> 00:37:21,239
hold him

555
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:28,599
Heck

556
00:37:28,639 --> 00:37:30,079
You're so fuckin' dead

557
00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:46,679
Ok, you cunt

558
00:37:46,679 --> 00:37:48,439
Let see what you can do now.
Eany...Meany...Miney...Mo

559
00:38:13,399 --> 00:38:14,399
what's that?

560
00:38:40,959 --> 00:38:42,359
Hey, I have one of those

561
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:00,359
Come on

562
00:39:01,679 --> 00:39:02,679
So you wanna play

563
00:39:18,919 --> 00:39:20,239
what the fuck

564
00:39:23,519 --> 00:39:26,319
Aww dude, that is one fuckin' gay fuckin'
taser.

565
00:39:29,439 --> 00:39:30,679
Relax . We're on the same team.

566
00:39:32,799 --> 00:39:33,359
Hey get Up

567
00:39:39,839 --> 00:39:43,319
Now, Hit Girl, we always keep our backs where?

568
00:39:43,839 --> 00:39:45,239
To the wall, Daddy I know.

569
00:39:46,599 --> 00:39:47,839
Um...it won't happen again

570
00:39:49,079 --> 00:39:50,039
Nice shot by the way

571
00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:50,879
Thank you

572
00:40:08,439 --> 00:40:09,039
Be careful.

573
00:40:11,079 --> 00:40:14,039
Hey, Green asshole. Can't use the front
door.

574
00:40:28,599 --> 00:40:29,279
Wait, wait, wait.
What?

575
00:40:32,839 --> 00:40:33,759
Who are you?

576
00:40:34,399 --> 00:40:35,199
Me?

577
00:40:36,279 --> 00:40:37,359
I'm
"Hit Girl"

578
00:40:39,439 --> 00:40:41,199
and that's " Big Daddy"

579
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:48,479
Come on

580
00:40:53,679 --> 00:40:54,359
Come on!

581
00:41:30,119 --> 00:41:31,479
"Hit Girl" and
"Big Daddy"

582
00:41:31,839 --> 00:41:33,199
They were real deal.

583
00:41:35,959 --> 00:41:36,599
Me

584
00:41:37,599 --> 00:41:39,959
I was just a
stupid dick in a wetsuit.

585
00:41:55,199 --> 00:41:56,679
What is this, What am I lookin' at here?

586
00:41:57,039 --> 00:41:59,919
It was Sal's phone. They found it in his hand.

587
00:42:00,399 --> 00:42:02,439
They must have taken that right before he died

588
00:42:02,839 --> 00:42:10,119
I know this sounds fucked up, Franky...but
that guy in the picture...I think it's that
superhero nut job from the TV.

589
00:42:10,479 --> 00:42:11,639
Who?

590
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:13,399
Kick-Ass?

591
00:42:14,559 --> 00:42:15,319
One guy?

592
00:42:16,599 --> 00:42:18,959
Hold on. You telling me one guy killed 8 of my men tonight?

593
00:42:23,999 --> 00:42:27,519
Eight at Sal's place...4 at that kid, Rasul's.

594
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:30,919
We have no mercenaries on the streets at all.
Right.

595
00:42:30,919 --> 00:42:31,919
Made to understand?

596
00:42:34,959 --> 00:42:35,839
One Guy

597
00:42:36,399 --> 00:42:37,119
You think?

598
00:42:37,479 --> 00:42:40,719
Nah if you're right, we're gonna look like the biggest bunch of pussies in New York

599
00:42:41,919 --> 00:42:42,799
What do you want me to do?

600
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:48,719
I want Kick-Ass' fuckin' head on a stick. And I want it now.

601
00:42:58,079 --> 00:42:59,999
I didn't say anything, to anyone, I
swear!

602
00:42:59,999 --> 00:43:02,359
Good move. Ass, Kick.

603
00:43:02,359 --> 00:43:03,879
Let's keep it that way.

604
00:43:05,079 --> 00:43:06,359
You know what this is?

605
00:43:07,839 --> 00:43:10,799
All the cartridge crap that comes outta
your gay little taser when you fire it.

606
00:43:11,279 --> 00:43:14,199
Do you know the police could've traced it
right back to you if they'd found it?

607
00:43:14,799 --> 00:43:17,199
Lucky for you, I
picked it up.

608
00:43:18,959 --> 00:43:19,679
Thank you.

609
00:43:21,119 --> 00:43:21,919
Let's call it insurance.

610
00:43:21,919 --> 00:43:24,679
Makes it easier for me to take your word.

611
00:43:24,679 --> 00:43:27,679
See, we like you. But we don't trust you.

612
00:43:29,199 --> 00:43:31,599
Don't take it personal though. We
don't trust anybody.

613
00:43:31,599 --> 00:43:38,079
I re-routed your IP address. Finding you was way too easy.

614
00:43:38,679 --> 00:43:39,519
Aw Shit. Shit

615
00:43:39,919 --> 00:43:43,039
I hadn't thought - My God, I...

616
00:43:43,439 --> 00:43:44,399
I owe you

617
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,439
You know what? I'm thinking of
shutting my site down anyway,

618
00:43:47,839 --> 00:43:51,759
quitting. This is... fucking insane.

619
00:43:52,119 --> 00:43:54,279
I'm in way over my head.

620
00:43:54,319 --> 00:43:56,679
It's a shame. You have potential.

621
00:43:56,679 --> 00:43:59,599
Your call, son. But, y'know, we�re
around if you need us.

622
00:44:01,159 --> 00:44:02,159
How do I get hold of you?

623
00:44:02,759 --> 00:44:06,599
Just contact the mayor's office.
He has a special signal he
shines in the sky?

624
00:44:07,199 --> 00:44:08,439
It's in the shape of a giant cock.

625
00:44:09,759 --> 00:44:11,919
You need us, put on your web site that
you're on vacation.

626
00:44:11,919 --> 00:44:12,959
We'll find you.

627
00:44:13,159 --> 00:44:14,199
Hit Girl, back to headquarters

628
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:18,039
Sweet dreams.

629
00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:25,279
I need you to get rid of Kick-Ass.

630
00:44:25,279 --> 00:44:26,759
What's up?

631
00:44:26,999 --> 00:44:27,879
What's up?

632
00:44:28,439 --> 00:44:31,079
Kick-Ass is killing my men,  Gigante, that's
what's up

633
00:44:31,679 --> 00:44:33,239
My condolences.

634
00:44:33,839 --> 00:44:36,959
But I'm afraid I can't help you out on this one.

635
00:44:36,959 --> 00:44:38,879
He's movin' outside my jurisdiction.

636
00:44:39,279 --> 00:44:40,679
Outside your jurisdiction?

637
00:44:41,359 --> 00:44:45,879
You're a fucking cop and he's breaking the
law! That's so inside your jurisdiction it's ball-deep in
your jurisdiction's ass!

638
00:44:46,439 --> 00:44:50,319
The boss pays me to nail the
bad guys. You pay me not to.

639
00:44:50,919 --> 00:44:52,439
Everything else is in the grey area.

640
00:44:52,439 --> 00:44:54,679
Yeah, Fuck you very much, Vic. Just do
it, okay?

641
00:44:56,759 --> 00:44:57,799
Un-fuckin'believable

642
00:44:59,679 --> 00:45:00,439
where is Cody?

643
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:02,079
He's late

644
00:45:02,079 --> 00:45:06,119
Thank you, Cody. We appreciate
your cooperation.

645
00:45:06,119 --> 00:45:07,279
Let me out now?

646
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,319
I gave you all them names and
address.

647
00:45:11,159 --> 00:45:14,759
Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody. You and you're crazy bitch friend can go back to where ever you once

648
00:45:14,799 --> 00:45:17,199
... Hey c'mon now...that's a very bad thing you're doing now..

649
00:45:17,479 --> 00:45:19,119
Really nasty individuals...

650
00:45:19,519 --> 00:45:22,079
Let me go, Hey...
Do not do this

651
00:45:22,919 --> 00:45:23,839
Come on!!

652
00:45:23,839 --> 00:45:25,039
please..hey..stop!!!

653
00:45:32,959 --> 00:45:34,159
stop, please!!
(Screaming)

654
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:49,559
What a douche.

655
00:46:02,559 --> 00:46:04,119
You've done a self tan before, right?

656
00:46:05,519 --> 00:46:07,799
Yeah, I do it all the time.

657
00:46:08,479 --> 00:46:14,639
Murder. Superheroes breaking into my bedroom.
My life was turning into some fucked up dream I couldn't wake up from

658
00:46:16,559 --> 00:46:19,359
Even with the good parts, were totally surreal

659
00:46:19,599 --> 00:46:23,279
Oh hey, I read those old Ditko
Spider-Mans you gave me? They're
actually pretty good.

660
00:46:24,599 --> 00:46:25,999
Yeah, they are.

661
00:46:27,519 --> 00:46:29,719
And it's been a whole week since I've heard from Rasul.

662
00:46:32,999 --> 00:46:34,759
That's great.

663
00:47:27,639 --> 00:47:32,279
Once upon a time, there were two super cops called
Daddy and Marcus...

664
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:34,879
who were very good at getting bad guys

665
00:47:36,479 --> 00:47:41,919
Frank Damico was the baddest guy of them all
and he came up with a plan to get rid of Daddy.

666
00:47:45,839 --> 00:47:50,399
Being framed as drug dealer was the worst possible thing
that could have happened to Daddy.

667
00:47:52,999 --> 00:47:56,039
Prison was not his natural habitat

668
00:47:56,479 --> 00:47:58,279
He was very upset.

669
00:48:01,679 --> 00:48:05,399
With Daddy in prison
His pregnant wife was all alone.

670
00:48:06,759 --> 00:48:09,919
And could not cope.

671
00:48:10,559 --> 00:48:12,799
But all clouds have a silver lining.

672
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:14,599
And out of her death..

673
00:48:18,599 --> 00:48:20,039
Mindy was born

674
00:48:20,479 --> 00:48:22,599
Marcus became the child's guardian

675
00:48:23,199 --> 00:48:26,159
And Daddy started a plan of his very own.

676
00:48:28,279 --> 00:48:30,239
Five years later he left prison

677
00:48:30,599 --> 00:48:32,479
And he was ready

678
00:48:36,119 --> 00:48:38,879
Now it's time for Mindy to get ready too.

679
00:48:46,879 --> 00:48:48,119
How'd you find me Marcus?

680
00:48:49,319 --> 00:48:51,239
One of us is still a cop, remember?

681
00:49:00,279 --> 00:49:01,479
Now you brain-washed Mindy?

682
00:49:01,479 --> 00:49:04,239
You say brain-washed
I say made it into a game.

683
00:49:04,279 --> 00:49:09,359
What you call this? Playing, Damon?
Vigilante justice. Mass murder. C'mon, partner.

684
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:12,719
So where is she?

685
00:49:13,359 --> 00:49:15,159
She's safe -
Can I see her? -

686
00:49:17,159 --> 00:49:18,039
I miss her,

687
00:49:20,039 --> 00:49:20,999
I miss you both.

688
00:49:22,439 --> 00:49:23,759
I appreciate your concern.

689
00:49:24,759 --> 00:49:25,759
But you need to go now.

690
00:49:31,759 --> 00:49:34,999
I should warn you that asshole,
Gigante, is looking for Kick-Ass.

691
00:49:34,999 --> 00:49:36,479
He got something to do with you Damon?

692
00:49:37,039 --> 00:49:40,159
You started some kinda fucked-up
superhero club?

693
00:49:40,159 --> 00:49:41,319
Never heard of him

694
00:49:41,799 --> 00:49:43,599
Ok, well heads up, alright?

695
00:49:43,999 --> 00:49:47,919
You keep carrying on like you've been carrying on and it�'s
only a matter of time before Gigante's
looking for you.

696
00:49:48,839 --> 00:49:52,079
He's been on D'Amico�s payroll ever since you
passed up the opportunity,

697
00:49:53,359 --> 00:49:54,719
You know I'm not gonna stop.

698
00:49:56,519 --> 00:50:02,079
Not 'til D'Amico and his whole damn
operation are burnt to ashes.

699
00:50:02,679 --> 00:50:03,879
And buried.

700
00:50:05,359 --> 00:50:06,759
It ain't gonna bring her back, Damon.

701
00:50:08,439 --> 00:50:10,479
This is not the life for Mindy,

702
00:50:13,119 --> 00:50:14,839
You owe that kid a childhood.

703
00:50:16,679 --> 00:50:18,199
I'll tell you who owes her a
childhood:

704
00:50:18,519 --> 00:50:21,239
Frank D'Amico

705
00:50:39,439 --> 00:50:40,759
Holy shit

706
00:50:43,319 --> 00:50:45,399
I don't fuckin' believe it.

707
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:49,959
Follow him. Around the corner.

708
00:50:51,319 --> 00:50:52,119
Not too fast

709
00:50:55,839 --> 00:50:56,959
He's doing the high fives.

710
00:50:57,879 --> 00:50:59,719
I'll give 'em a motherfuckin' high five.

711
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:00,719
High five and bullshit

712
00:51:01,119 --> 00:51:03,159
Keep going, keep going.

713
00:51:04,999 --> 00:51:06,079
Not too close

714
00:51:11,039 --> 00:51:12,199
He's going into the alley

715
00:51:13,079 --> 00:51:14,639
He's going to the alley

716
00:51:15,119 --> 00:51:17,679
Okay, when I tell you stop the car.

717
00:51:18,199 --> 00:51:19,119
Ready?

718
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,479
Hey Kick-Ass

719
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:26,079
Hi ya doin'?

720
00:51:28,559 --> 00:51:29,639
Kill my men, huh?!

721
00:51:29,639 --> 00:51:31,519
Take my fucking coke?!

722
00:51:33,399 --> 00:51:34,079
What are you doing?

723
00:51:34,079 --> 00:51:35,519
Let us go, come on

724
00:51:36,479 --> 00:51:38,559
Come on, Frank, he had enough,
Come on.

725
00:51:40,279 --> 00:51:41,879
What the fuck are you looking at? Huh?

726
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:58,199
Come on, let's go
Come on

727
00:52:07,919 --> 00:52:09,119
He was so young

728
00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:13,879
Who would get to die that way?
I just can't believe he's dead that's all

729
00:52:16,119 --> 00:52:17,079
Oh, I know.

730
00:52:17,519 --> 00:52:18,799
Listen Katie,

731
00:52:19,119 --> 00:52:23,359
guys like Rasul... They get mixed up in
stuff, and...

732
00:52:23,359 --> 00:52:26,159
I know, but what if it was my
fault?

733
00:52:26,639 --> 00:52:29,599
What if Kick-Ass did it?
I mean I feel like should call cops or something

734
00:52:29,599 --> 00:52:31,519
you're talking crazy!

735
00:52:31,519 --> 00:52:34,279
there's no way! He probably
didn't even read your e-mail yet.

736
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:36,519
Yeah? -
There's nothing to  worry about -

737
00:52:38,759 --> 00:52:40,159
I'm so glad you're here

738
00:52:40,519 --> 00:52:41,959
I look like such a mess

739
00:52:42,519 --> 00:52:43,559
You look Okay.

740
00:52:43,879 --> 00:52:44,959
I'm here

741
00:52:45,919 --> 00:52:46,879
Yeah I'm Okay.

742
00:52:48,399 --> 00:52:50,479
I hope it's Okay to say this, but

743
00:52:51,079 --> 00:52:53,079
It so sucks
that you're gay.

744
00:52:55,559 --> 00:52:58,719
I don't fuckin' believe this

745
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:04,239
What kind of children's fuckin' entertainer is that? Huh?

746
00:53:06,119 --> 00:53:11,199
What kind of kid has a Spider-Man party sure.  But a fuckin' Kick-Ass Party?

747
00:53:11,679 --> 00:53:13,799
What are they're selling paper plates and napkins down at the store, now?

748
00:53:13,799 --> 00:53:15,239
Frank, You're scarin' me

749
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:20,159
You're losin' it.
Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again, huh? And in public.

750
00:53:20,199 --> 00:53:23,279
Since when I asked you Fucks to deliver me Kick-Ass and you don't deliver that's when.

751
00:53:23,279 --> 00:53:24,959
Hey give me a break it's been a week.

752
00:53:24,959 --> 00:53:28,399
We  e-mailed him. We got half the crew doing petty crimes as bait

753
00:53:28,399 --> 00:53:29,919
We're bustin' our asses here.

754
00:53:31,279 --> 00:53:32,199
What hell are you doing?

755
00:53:33,359 --> 00:53:34,879
You back on the Powder now, as well?

756
00:53:34,879 --> 00:53:39,079
(In child-like voice)
Mommy,  I want Kick-Ass party.
Dumb little fuck.

757
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:41,399
I know a way you could get him.

758
00:53:41,679 --> 00:53:43,119
Aww shit. Chris

759
00:53:43,119 --> 00:53:44,199
How long you been there?

760
00:53:44,199 --> 00:53:45,359
What the hell you doin'?
Get the hell out!

761
00:53:45,359 --> 00:53:46,799
You wanna hear it or not?

762
00:53:47,839 --> 00:53:48,639
Hear what?

763
00:53:48,639 --> 00:53:54,679
Okay, look: you're a superhero and
you're lonely but you can't trust anyone because either they'll expose
your secret identity....

764
00:53:54,679 --> 00:53:57,159
Comic books, this kids reads, all
fucking day long.

765
00:53:57,159 --> 00:54:00,319
Point is, there's only one way a
superhero would trust a stranger and...

766
00:54:00,839 --> 00:54:03,399
I could be that stranger.
You just gotta give me a chance.

767
00:54:03,879 --> 00:54:05,919
I know I can do
it. I just need a few things.

768
00:54:08,159 --> 00:54:08,879
Like what?

769
00:54:11,079 --> 00:54:12,479
I need these things.

770
00:54:16,839 --> 00:54:17,679
What, you fucking kidding me?

771
00:54:17,679 --> 00:54:18,519
What the hell is this?

772
00:54:18,519 --> 00:54:19,959
It's everything I need.

773
00:54:19,959 --> 00:54:22,599
And you might have to screw somebody over
Like, Louie, or somebody.

774
00:54:22,599 --> 00:54:24,039
Louie?! Oh whoa, hey, Chris

775
00:54:24,039 --> 00:54:25,599
Or somebody, it doesn't have to be Louie.

776
00:54:26,319 --> 00:54:27,719
-Tony
-Tony

777
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:29,079
Tony?

778
00:54:29,079 --> 00:54:31,199
I hate Tony -
Hey, fuck Tony he's a scum bag -

779
00:54:31,639 --> 00:54:34,319
I swear, dad. If
you let me do this, it's gonna work.

780
00:54:39,519 --> 00:54:40,279
Tony

781
00:54:40,679 --> 00:54:45,319
Tony Romita, one of America's most wanted crime king-pins
was arrested in Queens today.

782
00:54:45,319 --> 00:54:48,759
after a 911 cal from someone claiming to be a superhero

783
00:54:48,759 --> 00:54:50,599
So how are things going with Katie?

784
00:54:51,959 --> 00:54:57,359
Oh, just peachy. Had a sleep over and spent the whole night
watching the entire Ugly Betty box set

785
00:54:57,359 --> 00:54:58,799
and did pedicures.

786
00:54:59,039 --> 00:55:02,159
I'm telling you, though the longer you
wait, the worse it's gonna get.

787
00:55:02,159 --> 00:55:03,279
I know.

788
00:55:03,639 --> 00:55:06,359
I was gonna tell her.
She just seems so... happy.

789
00:55:06,359 --> 00:55:08,399
I don't know whens the right time.
Well, now's your chance.

790
00:55:09,839 --> 00:55:10,719
She seems happy -
Hey guys -

791
00:55:12,599 --> 00:55:14,439
Hi

792
00:55:14,439 --> 00:55:17,799
Oh, did you watch the TV? The new superhero guy? How cool was that?

793
00:55:18,559 --> 00:55:19,039
What?

794
00:55:19,039 --> 00:55:21,319
Oooh look. Can you turm it up please?

795
00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:22,479
Check this out.

796
00:55:22,919 --> 00:55:27,239
But it seems that far from being put-off,
this individual, who calls himself Red Mist,

797
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:31,159
has decided to take crime fighting to a new level,
as his actions last night proved.

798
00:55:31,639 --> 00:55:32,599
Red Mist, how do you see it?

799
00:55:32,599 --> 00:55:38,679
Well, I guess folks have just had enough of living in
fear, you know, and uh... Kick-Ass really proved that one individual can make a difference.

800
00:55:38,679 --> 00:55:41,919
So, If anyone out there needs help, I'm gonna be fighting
crime twentyfive/eight.

801
00:55:41,919 --> 00:55:44,519
And I'm just one click away.
RedMist.org.

802
00:55:45,599 --> 00:55:47,439
Can you turn that off now?

803
00:55:48,439 --> 00:55:49,999
What's so special about that guy?

804
00:55:50,519 --> 00:55:52,919
He caught, like, a drug dealer
Some most-wanted guy

805
00:55:52,919 --> 00:55:55,799
He saw 'em bringing out, like, a ton of stuff,
-That's Pretty cool.

806
00:55:56,999 --> 00:55:59,119
Yeah. way better costume than Kickass, too.

807
00:55:59,119 --> 00:56:00,559
He's gotta cape-
Yeah -

808
00:56:00,559 --> 00:56:01,639
Capes rock-
Yeah -

809
00:56:01,639 --> 00:56:03,799
I'm kinda feelin' the cape. Looks good.

810
00:56:04,759 --> 00:56:06,839
What, better than Kick-Ass?

811
00:56:07,479 --> 00:56:10,479
I mean they're both kinda hot I just think that
Red Mist has a better body.

812
00:56:10,839 --> 00:56:11,799
Don't you think, Dave?

813
00:56:13,679 --> 00:56:18,679
Yeah Dave what do you think?
Is that the kind of guy you'd go for?
With all that leather?

814
00:56:20,159 --> 00:56:21,159
No, not me.

815
00:56:21,839 --> 00:56:22,919
No, he's not really my type

816
00:57:15,119 --> 00:57:15,919
Kick Ass

817
00:57:17,279 --> 00:57:18,039
Red Mist

818
00:57:19,559 --> 00:57:20,119
Oh shit

819
00:57:20,119 --> 00:57:21,479
Fuck me, that kinda hurt.

820
00:57:22,959 --> 00:57:23,799
You OK?

821
00:57:23,799 --> 00:57:24,999
Yeah, no I'm cool

822
00:57:25,319 --> 00:57:28,599
I can't believe you're here, man.
like you�re my hero.

823
00:57:28,919 --> 00:57:31,879
You... inspired me. No Kick-Ass, no
Red Mist.

824
00:57:31,879 --> 00:57:33,919
Seriously.

825
00:57:33,919 --> 00:57:34,119
Wow.

826
00:57:34,119 --> 00:57:35,199
Really?

827
00:57:35,199 --> 00:57:40,439
Straight up. And listen if you.. I dunno know... if you wanted me to be your sidekick or something like that.....

828
00:57:40,799 --> 00:57:42,519
You wanna be... my sidekick?

829
00:57:42,519 --> 00:57:43,639
Yeah, man

830
00:57:43,639 --> 00:57:47,959
you and me together, we would own. You wanna go fight some crime?

831
00:57:48,999 --> 00:57:50,039
Oh...I mean like right now?

832
00:57:50,799 --> 00:57:52,359
Yeah man, come on, I got something I wanna show you

833
00:57:54,159 --> 00:57:55,919
Uh.. I mean like...to be honest with you,

834
00:57:55,919 --> 00:57:58,079
I never fight crime between, like
nine and two on weekdays,

835
00:57:58,799 --> 00:58:00,279
so I really
need to get back pretty soon.

836
00:58:04,919 --> 00:58:06,239
Sweet!!

837
00:58:08,719 --> 00:58:09,479
This yours?

838
00:58:09,479 --> 00:58:11,359
Meet the Mistmobile.

839
00:58:20,439 --> 00:58:24,559
Set-nav. Got my iPhone so I can check the website
for emergencies while I'm driving around.

840
00:58:25,199 --> 00:58:26,159
Movin' up.

841
00:58:26,159 --> 00:58:27,559
Mood lighting right there

842
00:58:27,959 --> 00:58:30,119
Rear view cameras , no big deal.

843
00:58:30,639 --> 00:58:31,879
Check this. You're gonna fuckin' love this.

844
00:58:36,599 --> 00:58:37,799
The Mist.

845
00:58:37,799 --> 00:58:38,799
(Cheering)

846
00:58:42,679 --> 00:58:44,759
Hey!-
Yep. That's right. You wish you could be us. They love us.

847
00:58:49,719 --> 00:58:50,519
Smoke?

848
00:58:50,519 --> 00:58:51,519
Nuh-uh.

849
00:58:52,199 --> 00:58:54,599
Yeah, well "Weed" takes the edge off things when I'm patrol..ya know.

850
00:58:54,599 --> 00:58:56,959
Runnin' up against a crowd can
get kinda scary, don�t you thimk?

851
00:59:00,159 --> 00:59:00,839
Something wrong?

852
00:59:02,519 --> 00:59:05,799
You're so not how I expected

853
00:59:11,919 --> 00:59:16,319
Oh, I got e-mail from this chick,
she said this guy's been following her
home from work.

854
00:59:16,879 --> 00:59:18,159
I've got her address
and stuff. You wanna check it out?

855
00:59:19,799 --> 00:59:20,839
Sure, why not?

856
00:59:21,119 --> 00:59:22,199
Cool

857
00:59:29,199 --> 00:59:31,119
So this chick was totally naked, right?

858
00:59:31,439 --> 00:59:33,839
So I tell her to sit in my lap and talk about the first thing that comes up.

859
00:59:33,839 --> 00:59:34,839
(Chuckling)

860
00:59:44,639 --> 00:59:46,199
Yep.
Let's get the front he's on his way.

861
00:59:47,039 --> 00:59:47,999
Very good.

862
00:59:48,399 --> 00:59:49,879
Don't kill him 'til I get there.

863
00:59:50,159 --> 00:59:51,039
Right

864
00:59:57,039 --> 00:59:59,079
Looks like reading all them comics
paid off, huh?

865
00:59:59,479 --> 01:00:01,279
Your boy did good, Frankie.

866
01:00:03,799 --> 01:00:05,359
He's his father's son.

867
01:00:05,359 --> 01:00:15,159
(C'mon now...who do you..who do you..who do you..who do you think you are?.... ha, ha, ha.. bless your soul)

868
01:00:16,719 --> 01:00:17,599
I forget

869
01:00:24,799 --> 01:00:42,799
(I think your crazy...I think your crazy...I think your crazy...just like you)

870
01:00:48,279 --> 01:00:49,639
What... the... fuck????

871
01:00:53,599 --> 01:00:54,719
shit

872
01:00:56,399 --> 01:00:57,519
Hey! What are you doing?

873
01:00:57,519 --> 01:00:58,879
There are people in there!

874
01:00:58,879 --> 01:01:01,599
Shouldn't we just call the Fire...

875
01:01:03,399 --> 01:01:06,639
Shit!

876
01:01:12,799 --> 01:01:13,119
Mike!

877
01:01:21,559 --> 01:01:22,399
Oh shit.

878
01:01:26,879 --> 01:01:27,799
Red Mist!

879
01:01:39,999 --> 01:01:41,639
Red Mist...can you hear me?!!

880
01:01:54,839 --> 01:01:55,599
Red Mist!

881
01:02:33,079 --> 01:02:34,559
We've gotta get the hell out of here!!

882
01:02:35,319 --> 01:02:39,959
Just move your fucking ass!!

883
01:02:55,759 --> 01:02:57,039
Shit!!

884
01:02:57,439 --> 01:02:58,279
Did you see those bodies?

885
01:02:58,319 --> 01:02:58,559
Yeah, man.

886
01:03:00,679 --> 01:03:03,479
Why'd you save the teddy...?

887
01:03:03,559 --> 01:03:05,279
What?

888
01:03:05,799 --> 01:03:06,919
I don't know, man. Come on.

889
01:03:20,479 --> 01:03:20,999
come

890
01:03:22,279 --> 01:03:25,719
What the hell are you doin' Frank? You know I can't be here. What if somebody saw...

891
01:03:25,719 --> 01:03:29,519
That little motherfucker, Kick-Ass, burned down my warehouse and killed my men, Gigante.

892
01:03:29,519 --> 01:03:31,599
Whoa...wait,wait, slow down. Kick-Ass?

893
01:03:31,599 --> 01:03:33,679
You sure? -
You gotta help me, Vic -

894
01:03:33,679 --> 01:03:35,759
My son was there and he's still missing

895
01:03:36,919 --> 01:03:40,799
They're all dead!! Everbody in the warehouse is dead!!

896
01:03:41,279 --> 01:03:44,159
Put the gun down, Vic, it's
Chris!

897
01:03:44,479 --> 01:03:46,159
Chris is Red Mist?!

898
01:03:46,159 --> 01:03:48,839
It's not Red Mist you gotta worry
about, it's Kickass!

899
01:03:51,559 --> 01:03:52,679
You don't have to worry about him

900
01:03:52,959 --> 01:03:54,079
You need to watch this!

901
01:03:56,679 --> 01:03:57,439
Why? What does it do?

902
01:03:57,439 --> 01:03:58,639
You're fucking kidding me

903
01:03:58,639 --> 01:04:01,039
What? -
Goddamit, just sit down -

904
01:04:06,639 --> 01:04:07,959
What are you doing?
What the hell is that thing?

905
01:04:08,199 --> 01:04:11,279
You bought this to spy on the nanny
when I was a kid, don't you remember?

906
01:04:12,119 --> 01:04:13,319
Why? You put it in the warehouse?

907
01:04:13,479 --> 01:04:16,599
Yeah. I thought it'd be cool to put the
unmasking of Kick-Ass on the Internet, okay?

908
01:04:17,839 --> 01:04:18,479
Watch.

909
01:04:30,119 --> 01:04:32,199
"Let's get the front he's on his way"

910
01:05:48,599 --> 01:05:49,639
Who the hell is this guy?

911
01:05:50,759 --> 01:05:51,679
I don't know, Dad

912
01:05:52,679 --> 01:05:57,119
But, Kick-Ass told me we're not the only super heroes in town. Maybe he knows who this guy is.

913
01:05:59,279 --> 01:06:00,879
I want this place locked down.

914
01:06:01,999 --> 01:06:04,399
Nobody comes in, nobody goes out

915
01:06:04,519 --> 01:06:10,119
Not until somebody finds this cocksucker and blows his fuckin' lungs out through his chest.

916
01:06:14,279 --> 01:06:19,039
They're on to you.
did you hear me? They're on to you

917
01:06:19,039 --> 01:06:20,759
I thought they were looking for
Kick-Ass?

918
01:06:21,079 --> 01:06:25,719
Not anymore. Gigante just put on a little movie
show for us. Different Superhero.

919
01:06:25,719 --> 01:06:29,799
In a warehouse killing a whole
bunch of D'Amico's guys.

920
01:06:29,799 --> 01:06:31,439
I'm gonna take a wild guess that was you?

921
01:06:32,719 --> 01:06:34,639
-I killed all the cameras.
-Apparently not.

922
01:06:35,199 --> 01:06:37,999
Look bro, you need to get ghost. Hide yourself
quick.

923
01:06:38,519 --> 01:06:39,679
Appreciate it.

924
01:06:44,039 --> 01:06:44,839
Mindy

925
01:06:46,079 --> 01:06:47,479
No more homework, baby doll

926
01:06:48,519 --> 01:06:50,919
It's time
for Frank D'Amico to go bye-bye.

927
01:06:58,759 --> 01:07:01,279
X-Men, Fantastic 4

928
01:07:01,719 --> 01:07:03,839
Right now I can't beat the crap out of them.

929
01:07:04,599 --> 01:07:06,199
Everything was out of control

930
01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:08,279
I didn't know what the hell to do

931
01:07:08,559 --> 01:07:09,839
You OK, Dave?

932
01:07:10,039 --> 01:07:11,279
You look tired

933
01:07:11,759 --> 01:07:12,959
Gonna have an early night tonight, maybe?

934
01:07:12,959 --> 01:07:14,879
And there was no one I could talk to about it

935
01:07:15,319 --> 01:07:16,279
Hello

936
01:07:16,519 --> 01:07:18,479
Yeah...alright, bro.

937
01:07:21,079 --> 01:07:22,519
I never felt more alone

938
01:07:26,439 --> 01:07:28,519
I've always dreamed of being a super hero

939
01:07:28,919 --> 01:07:31,519
But this...was a nightmare

940
01:07:35,999 --> 01:07:38,639
It was time to stop wearing this stupid costume

941
01:07:42,359 --> 01:07:44,719
But there was one last thing I needed it for

942
01:07:47,359 --> 01:07:50,359
What's the difference between Spider-Man and  Peter Parker ?

943
01:07:51,679 --> 01:07:53,879
Spider-Man gets the girl

944
01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:02,679
(Faintly from noise of blowdryer)
Hey-I'm Kick-Ass!

945
01:08:07,999 --> 01:08:08,759
I'm Kick Ass

946
01:08:09,359 --> 01:08:10,239
You e-mailed me.
(Screams)

947
01:08:10,279 --> 01:08:11,279
Please...
(Screams in pain)

948
01:08:13,079 --> 01:08:13,959
Oh...Fuck!!!!

949
01:08:14,519 --> 01:08:15,199
Oh Fuck!!!!

950
01:08:15,199 --> 01:08:16,959
Fuckin' freak in a mask-fuck!!

951
01:08:17,239 --> 01:08:18,239
Get out of my house

952
01:08:18,439 --> 01:08:19,479
I'm not gonna
hurt you, alright!

953
01:08:20,319 --> 01:08:21,999
No, no, it's me

954
01:08:21,999 --> 01:08:24,959
I was only trying to surprise you
- Dave??!!

955
01:08:24,959 --> 01:08:26,639
Sorry -
What the fuck are you doing?!!

956
01:08:27,159 --> 01:08:28,239
Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?

957
01:08:28,239 --> 01:08:29,919
Because I am Kick-Ass.

958
01:08:29,919 --> 01:08:31,359
What are you talking about?

959
01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:33,639
And I'm also not gay.

960
01:08:34,759 --> 01:08:35,479
Fuck!!!

961
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:38,359
And I know I've been an idiot,
and a shit friend, I lied to you , I know

962
01:08:38,359 --> 01:08:39,879
Oh my God! -

963
01:08:39,879 --> 01:08:42,919
I know and if it makes you feel any better,
I don't think you could hate me any more
right now

964
01:08:43,559 --> 01:08:44,639
I hate myself.

965
01:08:46,199 --> 01:08:47,679
Please I'm ...

966
01:08:48,599 --> 01:08:50,799
Look, I'm really really sorry

967
01:08:52,559 --> 01:08:56,679
I've never met anybody who was as
beautiful and as kind,

968
01:08:57,119 --> 01:08:58,759
and... lovely as you.

969
01:09:02,239 --> 01:09:03,119
You deserve better.

970
01:09:21,759 --> 01:09:22,559
Dave

971
01:09:22,879 --> 01:09:23,759
Yes

972
01:09:25,119 --> 01:09:28,679
My mom has the burglar alarm set
downstairs. You should probably use
the window.

973
01:09:34,959 --> 01:09:35,679
Or

974
01:09:40,239 --> 01:09:41,959
You could just stay.

975
01:09:43,359 --> 01:09:44,359
stay?

976
01:09:45,759 --> 01:09:47,319
Like when we have a sleepover?

977
01:09:54,159 --> 01:09:55,999
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you

978
01:10:27,599 --> 01:10:33,159
We gotta get over the top of it and then into it right in the middle of her.

979
01:10:33,159 --> 01:10:34,639
Daddy, I think I found one.

980
01:10:35,039 --> 01:10:37,679
It's perfect. And they can deliver it in
three days...

981
01:10:40,719 --> 01:10:41,919
And it's three
hundred thousand dollars.

982
01:10:41,919 --> 01:10:46,279
Can you think of anything else
you'd rather spend it on?
Oh my Gosh

983
01:10:46,759 --> 01:10:48,719
that is cool!

984
01:10:49,079 --> 01:10:50,039
Yeah.

985
01:10:50,919 --> 01:10:51,839
Add to shopping cart

986
01:10:52,999 --> 01:10:53,559
OK

987
01:10:56,559 --> 01:10:59,319
Out of Kickass and Red Mist, who do
you think would win in a fight?

988
01:10:59,679 --> 01:11:01,799
Why are they fighting?
That seems stupid

989
01:11:02,999 --> 01:11:03,759
What do you think?

990
01:11:03,759 --> 01:11:05,799
I don't know. But I think Kick-Ass is
cuter.

991
01:11:06,319 --> 01:11:07,319
Really?

992
01:11:08,759 --> 01:11:11,759
I, for one, would definitely fuck his
brains out if I got the chance.

993
01:11:14,279 --> 01:11:15,079
You would?

994
01:11:15,079 --> 01:11:16,439
Definitely.

995
01:11:18,399 --> 01:11:20,079
Do you... uh, feel like checking out
that new Kate Hudson movie where...

996
01:11:20,079 --> 01:11:21,799
she's like a shoe designer kind of guy?

997
01:11:21,799 --> 01:11:23,679
I think we can make the next
showing if we leave...

998
01:11:23,679 --> 01:11:23,999
Hell yeah.

999
01:11:27,479 --> 01:11:28,559
I guess we're not invited

1000
01:11:29,919 --> 01:11:31,439
Alright..you know what, come here

1001
01:11:31,799 --> 01:11:33,919
I'm going to request a great meal for you right now

1002
01:11:35,119 --> 01:11:38,359
Suddenly, I understood why super heroes only exist in the comics

1003
01:11:39,199 --> 01:11:41,719
I doubt why people didn't risk their life for strangers

1004
01:11:41,999 --> 01:11:44,559
because, for the first time in my life

1005
01:11:44,559 --> 01:11:46,159
I had something to worth living for

1006
01:11:47,119 --> 01:11:48,399
Something to lose

1007
01:11:50,599 --> 01:11:52,199
Katie was worried about me getting
hurt,

1008
01:11:52,719 --> 01:11:54,879
so I promised her my Kick-Ass
days were over.

1009
01:11:54,879 --> 01:11:56,599
And the truth was,

1010
01:11:57,119 --> 01:11:58,239
I hardly missed it at all.

1011
01:11:58,599 --> 01:12:01,479
I hadn't even checked
the web site for, like, a week.

1012
01:12:04,839 --> 01:12:06,159
Ok ...I'm off then.

1013
01:12:07,719 --> 01:12:08,359
No Katie tonight?

1014
01:12:09,319 --> 01:12:12,119
Tomorrow. Wednesdays she does one
of her volunteer things.

1015
01:12:13,559 --> 01:12:15,119
You seem like a different guy, you
know that?

1016
01:12:16,279 --> 01:12:18,599
Your mom would've been so happy to
see you out of your shell like this.

1017
01:12:20,079 --> 01:12:20,999
Have a good night

1018
01:12:32,039 --> 01:12:33,879
Hey, baby -
Hi, what's going on? -

1019
01:12:35,079 --> 01:12:36,639
I gotta do that Kick-Ass thing

1020
01:12:36,639 --> 01:12:37,519
What?

1021
01:12:37,759 --> 01:12:38,959
I thought you were done with that?

1022
01:12:39,199 --> 01:12:41,279
This is the last time. I totally
swear...

1023
01:12:42,719 --> 01:12:43,839
I worry about you

1024
01:12:45,599 --> 01:12:46,719
I wish you wouldn�t worry.

1025
01:12:46,959 --> 01:12:49,279
I can't help it. I do. Because I...

1026
01:12:50,919 --> 01:12:52,559
I...care about you a lot.

1027
01:12:56,319 --> 01:12:57,679
I... care about you a lot, too.

1028
01:13:27,519 --> 01:13:31,279
This better be serious, Dude, because
I promised my girlfriend that I'm done with all this shit.

1029
01:13:31,279 --> 01:13:33,879
How about both of us being dead?
Is that serious enough for you?

1030
01:13:34,359 --> 01:13:35,199
Dead?

1031
01:13:36,199 --> 01:13:36,919
How?

1032
01:13:36,919 --> 01:13:41,999
Well it turns out those dead guys from the warehouse had some bad motherfuckers for friends
and they think we did that shit.

1033
01:13:41,999 --> 01:13:43,799
There's a price on our heads, man.

1034
01:13:44,279 --> 01:13:46,639
A price on our heads? What is this,
the wild west?

1035
01:13:46,639 --> 01:13:52,199
I'm not messing with you, dude!!
They found out where I lived!! They trashed my placed!!!
I'm fucking screwed!!! And you're gonna be next, Okay?!!!!

1036
01:13:52,199 --> 01:13:53,239
Alright.

1037
01:13:56,279 --> 01:13:57,519
Shit

1038
01:13:59,039 --> 01:13:59,879
What do we do?

1039
01:14:03,279 --> 01:14:05,919
Remember you mentioned that there were other super heroes

1040
01:14:06,319 --> 01:14:07,239
Yeah.

1041
01:14:08,199 --> 01:14:09,359
Well, do you think they can help us?

1042
01:14:18,879 --> 01:14:20,839
Hot chocolate, extra Marsh-mellows.

1043
01:14:23,599 --> 01:14:26,439
Wow it's even cooler than in the picture

1044
01:14:27,519 --> 01:14:28,399
child

1045
01:14:28,999 --> 01:14:32,079
you know because in the picture
it didn't have Gatling guns

1046
01:14:32,079 --> 01:14:32,719
Nice job.

1047
01:14:33,919 --> 01:14:34,879
I'm gonna get ready for bed, Okay?

1048
01:14:34,879 --> 01:14:35,759
Okay baby doll.

1049
01:14:36,599 --> 01:14:37,879
Sleep tight -
Thanks -
(Beeper)

1050
01:14:38,999 --> 01:14:39,799
Kick-Ass?

1051
01:14:40,959 --> 01:14:43,479
You go get dressed I'l tell him to meet us at safehouse B

1052
01:14:43,719 --> 01:14:45,199
We'll have our hot-chocolate when we get back.-
Okay daddy.

1053
01:14:45,999 --> 01:14:46,639
C'mon.

1054
01:14:56,559 --> 01:14:57,879
No..no

1055
01:14:58,639 --> 01:14:59,399
I got it.

1056
01:14:59,399 --> 01:15:00,559
I'll just put it in the GPS

1057
01:15:01,559 --> 01:15:02,599
Alright, let's go

1058
01:15:04,559 --> 01:15:05,119
Shit

1059
01:16:45,759 --> 01:16:47,159
Well

1060
01:16:47,159 --> 01:16:50,239
here you are, and Red Mist, too.

1061
01:16:56,119 --> 01:16:57,599
Pleasure to meet you.

1062
01:16:57,599 --> 01:16:58,799
Good to meet you sir.

1063
01:16:58,879 --> 01:17:00,239
Please, come in

1064
01:17:01,239 --> 01:17:01,879
After you

1065
01:17:05,559 --> 01:17:07,319
Hit Girl , manners..honey.

1066
01:17:10,079 --> 01:17:11,079
Hi, I'm Hit Girl

1067
01:17:12,959 --> 01:17:14,439
No!!!!!

1068
01:17:22,119 --> 01:17:23,879
Hey he's with me, he's O.K.!
Shut the fuck up, kid!!!

1069
01:17:23,879 --> 01:17:26,519
Your daddy's the boss!! You don't order shit!!

1070
01:17:26,519 --> 01:17:27,279
Shit! No!..........

1071
01:17:27,839 --> 01:17:29,079
He's with me!!!!..........

1072
01:17:29,359 --> 01:17:30,639
Let him go!!!.........

1073
01:17:30,879 --> 01:17:32,519
Get outta here, get the fuck outta here

1074
01:17:32,999 --> 01:17:34,639
Hotdamn, I always wanted one of these..........

1075
01:17:34,639 --> 01:17:35,479
Seriously you're gonna take that? -
Yes -

1076
01:17:42,039 --> 01:17:43,599
You know what being a super hero actually costs?
You happen to be in a lot of trouble here.

1077
01:17:44,599 --> 01:17:50,559
Kick-Ass!!-
Get em outta here!!-

1078
01:17:50,799 --> 01:17:52,039
Kick Ass  I'm sorry

1079
01:17:54,079 --> 01:17:54,759
Get in there

1080
01:18:07,519 --> 01:18:08,759
You better fire this asshole!!

1081
01:18:09,759 --> 01:18:10,519
Ignore him.

1082
01:18:11,679 --> 01:18:13,159
A Bazooka?

1083
01:18:15,799 --> 01:18:16,639
OK

1084
01:18:17,039 --> 01:18:20,479
We had a deal, dad. We had a fucking deal
that would get you the guy who did it.

1085
01:18:20,479 --> 01:18:23,759
All I'm asking is you let Kick-Ass go! He didn't do
anything wrong!

1086
01:18:24,039 --> 01:18:26,319
Chris, you gotta look at this from my point of view, Okay?

1087
01:18:27,759 --> 01:18:30,439
I gotta send a public service
message to the people out there

1088
01:18:30,719 --> 01:18:33,199
that being a superhero is
bad for your health.

1089
01:18:33,199 --> 01:18:35,839
And the big motherfucker? Nobody knows who he is.

1090
01:18:35,839 --> 01:18:36,919
Yeah, but that's not fair!

1091
01:18:36,919 --> 01:18:38,559
Life's not fair, kid. Get over it.

1092
01:18:39,039 --> 01:18:40,239
What are you gonna do with them?

1093
01:18:41,559 --> 01:18:43,679
You really want to be a part of my business?

1094
01:18:46,639 --> 01:18:47,319
Yeah.

1095
01:18:47,319 --> 01:18:49,399
Then sit down, shut up

1096
01:18:49,799 --> 01:18:50,719
and watch.

1097
01:18:59,199 --> 01:19:00,399
Frank , we're ready

1098
01:19:01,559 --> 01:19:02,319
Enjoy the show

1099
01:19:02,319 --> 01:19:03,519
You patched-up with this thing?

1100
01:19:03,519 --> 01:19:05,199
I sure am big brother.

1101
01:19:05,519 --> 01:19:06,639
Watch and learn

1102
01:19:06,879 --> 01:19:12,599
Welcome back to breaking news a world wide web broadcast of the
New York superhero who calls himself Kick-Ass.

1103
01:19:12,599 --> 01:19:19,879
is about to be shown live. Rumors have it that this will be
Kick-Ass' farewell appearance that he will announce his retirement from
crime fighting

1104
01:19:20,159 --> 01:19:26,999
but as word-of-mouth continues to spread, internet
providers are predicting that it could be one of the
most widely viewed live events in web history.

1105
01:19:28,199 --> 01:19:29,559
Hey, where's Dave ?

1106
01:19:30,919 --> 01:19:33,039
Hey have you guys noticed -
He's with Katie...

1107
01:19:33,679 --> 01:19:34,639
obviously.

1108
01:19:35,159 --> 01:19:36,799
Why else would I be here?

1109
01:19:37,559 --> 01:19:40,279
With no idea as to who is behind the broadcast of this show

1110
01:19:40,599 --> 01:19:44,079
But we could see wide spread server crashes

1111
01:19:44,079 --> 01:19:47,039
Dave, why didn't you tell this is what you were doing.
You're on the news.

1112
01:19:47,479 --> 01:19:48,199
Call me

1113
01:19:48,199 --> 01:19:51,119
We go now over live to the countdown clock as we are moments away.

1114
01:20:03,239 --> 01:20:03,919
Showtime

1115
01:20:06,519 --> 01:20:12,519
Hello boys and girls, now this...uh...
well you know who this guy is.

1116
01:20:13,279 --> 01:20:15,479
And...uh...this guy here is Big Daddy

1117
01:20:16,319 --> 01:20:18,279
And these are my friends.

1118
01:20:18,279 --> 01:20:19,559
Come on in guys say hello

1119
01:20:20,439 --> 01:20:21,119
Yeah.

1120
01:20:21,319 --> 01:20:23,239
Yeah there they are
Hello, Hello

1121
01:20:23,759 --> 01:20:26,039
Now Big Daddy and Kick-Ass

1122
01:20:26,039 --> 01:20:31,319
are gonna help us show you why
being a hero is a bad idea.

1123
01:20:31,639 --> 01:20:33,359
You know what a silent "K" is?

1124
01:20:33,959 --> 01:20:36,959
That's when "K" is at the beginning of the but you don't pronounce it

1125
01:20:36,959 --> 01:20:38,639
like in the word knuckle duster

1126
01:20:38,639 --> 01:20:40,439
Show them what knuckle duster can do, Guy.

1127
01:20:40,439 --> 01:20:42,519
Oh that must've hurt.

1128
01:20:42,639 --> 01:20:44,079
Let's see that again on the other side, go.

1129
01:20:44,759 --> 01:20:46,279
Oh Yeah, look at this

1130
01:20:46,599 --> 01:20:49,559
Now in France they say the word stick like this...

1131
01:20:49,559 --> 01:20:50,959
Ba-ton

1132
01:20:50,959 --> 01:20:53,759
We have some of Kick-Ass' batons.
We're gonna show you what they can do.

1133
01:20:53,759 --> 01:20:54,879
Go ahead boys.

1134
01:20:58,719 --> 01:21:00,279
In America we say stick like this...

1135
01:21:00,639 --> 01:21:02,039
Baseball Bat

1136
01:21:03,279 --> 01:21:04,399
For hittin' knees..

1137
01:21:04,759 --> 01:21:06,119
hands...

1138
01:21:06,759 --> 01:21:09,399
It's also good for hittin' balls.

1139
01:21:10,759 --> 01:21:14,399
We don't do 'em individually, we do 'em all together.

1140
01:21:14,919 --> 01:21:16,079
Gentlemen please. Yeah.

1141
01:21:17,119 --> 01:21:18,399
Oh this looks very painful..........

1142
01:21:22,399 --> 01:21:28,039
Due to the distressing nature of the images we are unable to
broadcast the events currently streaming live on the Internet

1143
01:21:29,439 --> 01:21:30,399
No No

1144
01:21:32,719 --> 01:21:39,399
Misguided miscalculations suggest that this may be some kind of hoax or publicity
stunt. It is now clear that the hostages are in genuine danger

1145
01:21:39,399 --> 01:21:44,239
That all signs point to the intentions to stage
a live execution in the next few minutes

1146
01:21:57,399 --> 01:22:00,639
Even with my metal plates and my
fucked up nerve endings,

1147
01:22:00,959 --> 01:22:02,279
I've gotta tell ya,

1148
01:22:02,279 --> 01:22:03,799
that hurt.

1149
01:22:06,599 --> 01:22:09,159
the silent killer

1150
01:22:09,159 --> 01:22:12,239
But not half as much as the idea of
leaving everything behind.

1151
01:22:13,279 --> 01:22:14,119
Katie

1152
01:22:14,919 --> 01:22:15,599
My dad.

1153
01:22:16,399 --> 01:22:17,199
Todd and Marty

1154
01:22:17,799 --> 01:22:19,519
And all the
things I'd never do.

1155
01:22:20,359 --> 01:22:22,319
Like learn to drive.

1156
01:22:22,519 --> 01:22:24,719
Or see what me and Katie's
kids would look like.

1157
01:22:25,119 --> 01:22:27,039
Or find out
what happened on Lost.

1158
01:22:28,439 --> 01:22:32,319
And if you're reassuring yourself that I'm gonna make it through this since I'm talking to you now,

1159
01:22:33,959 --> 01:22:35,639
quit being such a smart ass.

1160
01:22:36,039 --> 01:22:38,639
Hell dude. You've never seen Sin City?

1161
01:22:38,639 --> 01:22:41,479
Sunset Boulevard? American Beauty?

1162
01:22:42,399 --> 01:22:48,199
And this,...for all you brave men out there...
is fire.

1163
01:22:57,319 --> 01:22:58,799
Fire, Fire's good

1164
01:23:00,239 --> 01:23:02,199
Fire is our friend

1165
01:23:10,559 --> 01:23:11,439
Gentlemen

1166
01:23:13,639 --> 01:23:14,919
Time to die.

1167
01:23:21,119 --> 01:23:21,719
What the...

1168
01:24:18,519 --> 01:24:19,519
Find me a lighter

1169
01:24:28,959 --> 01:24:29,559
I've got it

1170
01:24:43,719 --> 01:24:44,279
No!!!!!!!

1171
01:24:44,279 --> 01:24:46,119
Take cover, child!!!!!!!!!!

1172
01:24:51,799 --> 01:24:55,359
Now switch to Kryptonite!!!!!!!

1173
01:25:25,079 --> 01:25:27,159
Eject, 2 rounds and relay!!!!!!

1174
01:26:13,679 --> 01:26:15,519
Show's over mother-fuckers.

1175
01:26:20,639 --> 01:26:21,439
Yeah!!!

1176
01:26:21,439 --> 01:26:22,879
I think I'm in love with her, dude.

1177
01:26:24,079 --> 01:26:25,719
She looks like she's about 11 years old, but...

1178
01:26:26,239 --> 01:26:28,759
I can wait. I solemnly vow to save myself for her.

1179
01:26:30,359 --> 01:26:31,919
I can see that this can be really difficult for you.

1180
01:26:32,359 --> 01:26:33,159
Are you OK?

1181
01:26:33,839 --> 01:26:34,439
Yeah.-
Whoa-

1182
01:26:53,279 --> 01:26:54,359
Good job.

1183
01:27:02,839 --> 01:27:04,959
I'm so proud of you, baby doll

1184
01:27:07,599 --> 01:27:08,599
Are you OK?

1185
01:27:12,079 --> 01:27:12,959
Yes

1186
01:27:14,719 --> 01:27:17,679
Getting shot, daddy, hurt a lot more than when you did it.

1187
01:27:19,439 --> 01:27:22,879
That's because I used low-velocity rounds, child.

1188
01:27:27,719 --> 01:27:29,359
You're the kindest daddy in the whole world

1189
01:27:30,239 --> 01:27:31,119
I just....

1190
01:27:33,959 --> 01:27:35,519
I love you

1191
01:27:40,839 --> 01:27:41,919
I love you too daddy

1192
01:27:50,399 --> 01:27:51,199
I love you, dad

1193
01:27:53,199 --> 01:27:53,959
good night

1194
01:28:12,999 --> 01:28:13,839
What's your name?

1195
01:28:15,279 --> 01:28:16,239
I mean, your real name

1196
01:28:16,759 --> 01:28:19,599
A super hero never reveals her true
identity.

1197
01:28:19,599 --> 01:28:22,919
What look, you can't go on...

1198
01:28:23,799 --> 01:28:25,599
However you
lived before.............

1199
01:28:29,479 --> 01:28:30,359
It's over.

1200
01:28:32,799 --> 01:28:34,119
Is there anybody else?

1201
01:28:34,399 --> 01:28:35,639
Any other family, or?

1202
01:28:35,639 --> 01:28:36,959
I can take care of myself.

1203
01:28:38,639 --> 01:28:40,119
I saved your sorry ass!

1204
01:28:41,079 --> 01:28:42,199
what about money?

1205
01:28:43,079 --> 01:28:44,999
Alright, cause you've got to think long-term

1206
01:28:44,999 --> 01:28:47,359
I've got three million dollars in a
suitcase!

1207
01:28:48,599 --> 01:28:50,319
That long-term
enough for ya?

1208
01:28:53,559 --> 01:28:54,959
It's not all about the money,

1209
01:28:56,719 --> 01:28:57,839
I owe you

1210
01:28:59,559 --> 01:29:01,039
If not for you, I'd be dead.

1211
01:29:02,839 --> 01:29:04,319
if it wasn't for you

1212
01:29:06,199 --> 01:29:07,439
my dad wouldn�t be.

1213
01:29:24,199 --> 01:29:25,399
Look

1214
01:29:25,999 --> 01:29:29,359
pack up whatever you
need and we'll go back to my place.

1215
01:29:31,919 --> 01:29:32,799
I just need to clean up, I think?

1216
01:30:27,839 --> 01:30:30,439
Woah. I meant, like pajamas

1217
01:30:30,559 --> 01:30:31,959
and clothes and stuff. You can't take that stuff to my house.

1218
01:30:32,199 --> 01:30:33,719
You know what my dad would have really
wanted?

1219
01:30:39,479 --> 01:30:41,479
He would have wanted me to
finish what we started.

1220
01:30:43,359 --> 01:30:44,719
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

1221
01:31:01,639 --> 01:31:03,399
Is this Frank D'Amico's place?

1222
01:31:03,959 --> 01:31:05,439
All that security

1223
01:31:06,479 --> 01:31:07,679
Are you crazy?

1224
01:31:07,919 --> 01:31:09,919
My mom already died for nothing.

1225
01:31:11,079 --> 01:31:13,599
So, I'm sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for
nothing too.

1226
01:31:16,319 --> 01:31:17,679
You can't do this on your own.

1227
01:31:20,119 --> 01:31:20,919
Exactly

1228
01:31:23,799 --> 01:31:25,239
You wanna deal with owing
my dad?

1229
01:31:27,519 --> 01:31:29,679
Then shut the hell up and
pick your weapon.

1230
01:31:38,479 --> 01:31:39,879
Is that what I think it is?

1231
01:31:41,279 --> 01:31:42,399
Damn straight.

1232
01:31:43,719 --> 01:31:47,879
Oh you better start reading the instructions,
'cause you're gonna be using it in about five minutes.

1233
01:31:55,479 --> 01:31:58,599
Yo listen up, you've got 5 minutes and
I want you back on your post

1234
01:31:58,599 --> 01:32:00,439
and don't leave a mess

1235
01:32:14,479 --> 01:32:15,279
Everything okay?

1236
01:32:15,279 --> 01:32:16,279
Things alright, boss

1237
01:32:18,999 --> 01:32:20,159
Can't believe I got my gun back

1238
01:32:20,159 --> 01:32:21,159
Look at that

1239
01:32:21,159 --> 01:32:22,439
You know it's not that..
(Knocking)

1240
01:32:26,999 --> 01:32:27,599
Let her in

1241
01:32:31,359 --> 01:32:32,159
That's a little kid

1242
01:32:32,359 --> 01:32:33,359
What's the matter with you?

1243
01:32:38,399 --> 01:32:39,199
You okay, sweetheart?

1244
01:32:40,079 --> 01:32:43,879
No, I lost my mommy and daddy.

1245
01:32:44,119 --> 01:32:45,639
she lost her mommy and daddy

1246
01:32:47,239 --> 01:32:48,359
You wanna use my cell phone?

1247
01:32:50,359 --> 01:32:51,359
Now can you remember the number?

1248
01:33:34,599 --> 01:33:36,399
Had I ever been a real superhero?

1249
01:33:37,639 --> 01:33:43,399
The most I'd ever had to offer the world was good
intentions and a slightly elevated capacity to
take a kicking.

1250
01:33:45,199 --> 01:33:48,559
With no power comes no
responsibility.

1251
01:33:49,679 --> 01:33:50,759
Except

1252
01:33:51,839 --> 01:33:52,759
that wasn't true.

1253
01:34:40,199 --> 01:34:41,039
shit

1254
01:36:18,639 --> 01:36:20,639
Hey I'm in here come help me out!!!!!!!!!

1255
01:36:25,439 --> 01:36:27,479
Wait, fuck this!! And, everybody's dead!!!

1256
01:36:29,999 --> 01:36:32,119
She's behind the counter, she's out of ammo.

1257
01:36:46,959 --> 01:36:48,119
Do you think they got her?

1258
01:36:49,119 --> 01:36:50,279
If they didn't he will.

1259
01:36:51,999 --> 01:36:53,039
Get out there

1260
01:36:53,919 --> 01:36:54,439
Now?

1261
01:36:54,479 --> 01:36:55,599
Yeah, now

1262
01:37:06,279 --> 01:37:07,319
What the fuck is going on?

1263
01:37:07,319 --> 01:37:09,079
We got her trapped she's still alive

1264
01:37:09,079 --> 01:37:10,799
So what the hell you guys waiting for?

1265
01:37:11,999 --> 01:37:12,599
Go get her-
Go ahead-.

1266
01:37:12,839 --> 01:37:15,879
I only got one fucking gun. I'm not going in there.

1267
01:37:17,879 --> 01:37:19,519
Do it now

1268
01:37:21,079 --> 01:37:21,759
Come on

1269
01:37:41,279 --> 01:37:42,199
Fuck this shit.

1270
01:37:42,359 --> 01:37:43,719
I'm getting the Bazooka

1271
01:37:46,879 --> 01:37:47,679
Bazooka?

1272
01:37:48,079 --> 01:37:49,199
Bazooka

1273
01:37:50,039 --> 01:37:52,559
Whoa hold it. It's only me boss. Everything is under control.

1274
01:38:05,079 --> 01:38:08,319
Under control?
You're grabbing a fucking Bazooka you dumb ass.

1275
01:38:10,439 --> 01:38:13,999
Sir? -
Do it -

1276
01:38:34,519 --> 01:38:36,599
I always wanted to say this...

1277
01:38:39,119 --> 01:38:41,359
say Hello to my little friend

1278
01:39:12,039 --> 01:39:13,559
(Glory, Glory Halleluah song in background)

1279
01:39:38,159 --> 01:39:39,319
Holy shit

1280
01:39:47,399 --> 01:39:49,159
That is one weird sounding Bazooka

1281
01:39:49,159 --> 01:39:50,119
Stu!

1282
01:39:56,319 --> 01:39:56,719
Fuck!

1283
01:40:05,999 --> 01:40:07,519
Get out

1284
01:40:17,039 --> 01:40:18,119
Play time's over, kid.

1285
01:40:18,519 --> 01:40:21,399
I never play

1286
01:40:22,599 --> 01:40:23,439
Oh really?

1287
01:41:38,119 --> 01:41:39,959
Ruin my business, Huh?

1288
01:41:41,679 --> 01:41:44,319
I'll kill every single fucking guy or gal in my way

1289
01:42:12,799 --> 01:42:15,279
I wish my son was just like you.

1290
01:42:21,679 --> 01:42:23,399
It is time for family reunion

1291
01:42:25,319 --> 01:42:25,879
Hey

1292
01:42:27,079 --> 01:42:28,559
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size.

1293
01:42:48,119 --> 01:42:48,919
You Ok?

1294
01:42:49,599 --> 01:42:50,399
Yeah

1295
01:42:51,759 --> 01:42:52,719
Time to go home

1296
01:44:26,039 --> 01:44:27,039
Thanks, Kick-Ass.

1297
01:44:27,359 --> 01:44:28,599
My daddy....

1298
01:44:31,679 --> 01:44:32,999
He would have
been proud of both of us.

1299
01:44:43,479 --> 01:44:44,679
Dave

1300
01:44:45,759 --> 01:44:46,639
Dave Lizewski.

1301
01:44:47,599 --> 01:44:48,759
I know that, dumbass

1302
01:44:59,759 --> 01:45:00,639
Mindy

1303
01:45:02,319 --> 01:45:03,279
Mindy MacReady

1304
01:45:20,719 --> 01:45:21,639
Bye

1305
01:45:23,839 --> 01:45:26,959
Mindy moved in with Marcus
and he enrolled her at my school

1306
01:45:26,959 --> 01:45:28,199
Bye -
Good luck -

1307
01:45:29,719 --> 01:45:30,879
first school she'd ever been to

1308
01:45:31,039 --> 01:45:32,679
on the promise that I'd look out for her.

1309
01:45:34,679 --> 01:45:35,479
Hey

1310
01:45:35,719 --> 01:45:36,759
"Not that she needed me too".

1311
01:45:37,079 --> 01:45:37,999
Hey. New kid.

1312
01:45:38,399 --> 01:45:39,279
Hi

1313
01:45:40,359 --> 01:45:41,039
Lunch money.

1314
01:45:42,279 --> 01:45:42,839
Now.

1315
01:45:42,839 --> 01:45:43,839
(The screams of the two bully's getting their ass kicked)

1316
01:45:50,999 --> 01:45:53,239
Kick-Ass was gone,
but not forgotten.

1317
01:45:54,639 --> 01:45:57,279
And my world is much safer
with all the new superheroes.

1318
01:45:58,759 --> 01:46:00,479
They said I was their inspiration

1319
01:46:01,279 --> 01:46:05,239
But all I did was make a door into a world
I dreamed about, since I was little kid.

1320
01:46:06,559 --> 01:46:08,719
A world full of super heroes, huh?

1321
01:46:11,159 --> 01:46:12,679
like a great man once said...

1322
01:46:15,559 --> 01:46:17,679
Wait'll they get a load of me.