1 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,557 'My name is Charlie Wood... 2 00:01:00,152 --> 00:01:02,737 'I think I made a big mistake.' 3 00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:51,654 Higher... 4 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,658 I can't, sweetheart. Any higher, you're gonna hit the moon. 5 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,701 And get a bump? 6 00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:04,166 That's right, smart girl, and get a bump! 7 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:22,017 Oh, hey! Emily, look who it is. 8 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,728 - Hi, Isabella. - Hi, Emilita. 9 00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:27,690 - There we go... Hi, how are you? - Hey, great. 10 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:31,777 OK, I've got her lunch, an extra thermos of apple juice, 11 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:35,447 her Elmo doll, Mr. Frizzles, 12 grapes in a bag... 12 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:38,325 I got it, Mr. Wood. 13 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:41,203 - Thanks. I'll see you at 5:00. - OK. 14 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:44,832 All right, sweetheart. Come here. High five... 15 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,985 First the Wyoming Widow, now the Oregon Undertaker. 16 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,821 They just pulled a dead girl out of the reservoir. 17 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,823 God! Suicide? 18 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:23,078 If she chopped off her own arms and legs before strangling herself, maybe. 19 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:27,041 - Pen, I'm eating. - They figure it's the Oregon Undertaker. 20 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,418 That's the fourth girl in six months. 21 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,921 Each one mutilated and disemboweled... 22 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:35,549 - Pen! Pen! - Oh, sorry baby. 23 00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:41,180 Listen, Charlie. You don't have to do this, you know. 24 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,974 Course I do. We can't go on living on one income. 25 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:46,977 How many times have you given Emily spaghettios? 26 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,188 She likes spaghettios. 27 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:53,359 Hey, baby. Trust me. Once they buy your book... 28 00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:57,488 Not a single publisher has called, Pen. Not a single one. 29 00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:02,117 'The term "black hole" is of very recent origin. 30 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:06,580 'It was coined in 1969 by the American scientist John... ' 31 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:27,935 We handle nearly 200,000 calls a day 32 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:32,314 the hotlines to some of the biggest corporations in the country. 33 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:37,069 - Sentel Online. Melanie speaking... ...Melanie speaking. How can I help? 34 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,655 Again, my name is Melanie. Have a great day. 35 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,950 Do you only hire women named Melanie? 36 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:47,913 It's a trick of the trade. Callers like to think they get the same service rep. 37 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:51,292 This here is the Melanie and John section, 38 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,670 and you are over here with the Jennifers and Stephens. 39 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,131 This is you. 40 00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:03,012 What do you mean this is me? I was told I had a supervisor position. 41 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:08,142 You gotta spend six months in the trenches 42 00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:11,645 before you can interview for a supervisor. 43 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,190 But I have a Ph.D. 44 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:18,027 - Surely... - Look. You want the job or not? 45 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,239 - Yeah. - Great! 46 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,492 Gus here will help get you started. 47 00:05:24,617 --> 00:05:27,495 - OK, Stephen. - It's Charlie. 48 00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,705 Sure it is! 49 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:33,292 In the File menu do you see where it says Open? 50 00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:37,338 Okey-dokey. Can you open the Open menu? 51 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:46,138 Okey-dokey. Again, my name is Stephen. Thank you for calling Sentel. 52 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,849 'I actually liked Gus at first sight.' 53 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:52,478 - Welcome to hell, dickhead! - 'Maybe not at first.' 54 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,772 - I'm sorry? - Hell! 55 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:57,441 People hooked up to machines like slaves. 56 00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:01,111 And the smell... It's pure underarm. 57 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,908 OK, so what do we do here? 58 00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:12,206 Sentel Online, Stephen speaking. How may I help you? 59 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:16,377 Okey-dokey, ma'am. Have you checked to see if your PC is on? 60 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:22,049 No, I'm not a retard. That's simply the protocol... 61 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,968 Sorry. 62 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:28,639 Okey-dokey. I'm gonna check that with my supervisor real quick 63 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,474 and I'm gonna put you on hold. 64 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:34,436 You feel feisty, you whiney little turkey-necked bitch? 65 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:39,066 Why don't you hop up on my dick and see if that fires your monitor? 66 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,778 Hello, ma'am. Thanks for waiting. 67 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,365 I'm gonna transfer you over to our technical service department. 68 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,410 Okey-dokey? Please hold... 69 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,624 In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed dwarf is king! 70 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,671 That's my wife, Stephanie. Ex-wife! Keep forgetting! 71 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:04,633 And that there is my little daughter, Thais. 72 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,554 - That's a pretty name. - Yeah, it's Greek. It means 'Beloved'. 73 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:11,474 Thais has this problem with her eye pressure 74 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:15,102 and the doctor said if she doesn't get a cornea transplant in a year 75 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,938 then she's gonna go blind. 76 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,613 Every year, 65,000 diabetics 77 00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:28,616 develop Proliferative Retinopathy, 78 00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:31,076 one of the leading precursors to blindness. 79 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,040 She's not diabetic. 80 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,629 Ahem! So, are you gonna be able to afford the surgery before she... 81 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:47,593 Yeah, I hope so. If everything, you know, goes as expected. 82 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,804 What do you mean? 83 00:07:52,932 --> 00:07:55,142 I have a plan. 84 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,063 Oh, hells bells! 85 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:06,904 'You see, Stephen, I'm 65 years old now 86 00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:10,991 'and my husband is asking me to do it donkey-style... ' 87 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:17,623 OK, ma'am. I'm going to transfer you to our technical department. Please hold... 88 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,793 - Good god... - Are you expecting a call? 89 00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:28,092 Sentel Online, this is Charlie, er... Stephen. How can I help you? 90 00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:31,637 'Yeah, my IP Address is stuck on 169.' 91 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:37,059 OK, Sir. Have you checked to make sure your computer is on? 92 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:40,020 - 'Didn't you hear what I said? ' - Yes. 93 00:08:40,146 --> 00:08:43,858 Oh, IP Address. IP Address... 94 00:08:43,983 --> 00:08:48,571 Here we go. Your IP Address should start with 81. 95 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,282 So... does it? 96 00:08:51,407 --> 00:08:56,328 'I told you it was stuck on 169! Do the cleaners answer the phones? ' 97 00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,747 - Sir... - 'No, don't sir me, asshole! 98 00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:01,876 'Just help me out with my fucking problem! ' 99 00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:05,588 Please hold on while I check with our technical department. 100 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:10,885 Yes, sir. Your wife is one of 3.8 percent of American women 101 00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:16,599 who engage in online chats with a stranger, accompanied by masturbation. 102 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,062 'My wife died three months ago. 103 00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:26,150 'But I'd like to discuss that with your supervisor, Stephen.' 104 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,753 Hey! Charlie, wait. Wait! 105 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,173 - It's my fault. - Don't worry about it. I'll be all right. 106 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:52,384 - Look, you know I said I had a plan? - Yep. 107 00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:55,805 Well, why don't you come in on it with me? 108 00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:58,933 You know, be like a partner or something? 109 00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:01,143 I sure as hell feel like I owe you one. 110 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,355 - It's not illegal, is it? - What? No... 111 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,107 - Dickinson! - Yeah. Right. 112 00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:11,111 Look, meet me at the Monkey Wrench, nine o'clock. OK? Yeah. 113 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,693 Choo-choo Charlie! 114 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:55,322 Hey, Max. Two bottles of your finest mass-produced lager, if you please. 115 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,867 - So? - Come here. 116 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,417 So, I stumbled across the database at work. 117 00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:09,879 The online history of each and every member of Sentel Online. 118 00:11:10,004 --> 00:11:13,174 Look, this is their record of everyone in the state 119 00:11:13,299 --> 00:11:18,095 that went online in the last three months and logged on to an illegal porn site. 120 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:21,015 Now I figure there's gotta be somebody in here 121 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:24,477 willing to fork over some coin to keep things hush-hush. 122 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:32,234 - They all look the same - And yet they're not. 123 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:39,700 - R-E-V Neville Smalls. What's R-E-V? - Reverend. 124 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:43,537 Exactly! It's brilliant, don't you think? 125 00:11:46,791 --> 00:11:51,879 - I don't think I'm criminal material... - Wait, wait! 126 00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:56,342 We're talking about a man of the cloth 127 00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:59,011 who likes to watch teenagers take off their clothes 128 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:02,056 and have god-knows-who do god-knows-what to them! 129 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:03,849 Who's the real criminal here? 130 00:12:05,518 --> 00:12:09,772 I tried to do things by the book, the nine to five. You know where it got me? 131 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:13,234 My daughter is about to go blind, Charlie. Blind! 132 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:20,533 - How much? - 50 for me, 50 for you. Even hundred. 133 00:12:20,658 --> 00:12:23,160 A hundred? 134 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,372 Thousand? 135 00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:31,335 - Dollars? - Not much to preserve one's reputation. 136 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:35,214 - What if somebody gets hurt? - It's a non-violent enterprise. 137 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:40,302 No harm done whatsoever. Pretty much all I need is for you to be my alibi. 138 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:43,347 - That's all? - That's all. 139 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,766 OK... 140 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,069 Pick the blue one and you go back to your old life. 141 00:12:57,194 --> 00:13:00,948 But pick the red one and you finally get to be a free man. 142 00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:11,375 But, I must warn you, once you eat the red one... there's no turning back. 143 00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:22,887 Yes! I gotta tell you, I was a little nervous about going solo. 144 00:13:24,472 --> 00:13:27,224 OK. Rule number one preparation is king. 145 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:30,811 More than anything else, we wanna rule out the element of... 146 00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,980 - Surprise! - Jeez! 147 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:35,191 Josie, how long were you sitting there? 148 00:13:35,316 --> 00:13:39,028 Long enough to ask how you'd feel about bringing in a third. 150 00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:44,950 'Here's the touching story of how Gus met Josie.' 151 00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:51,916 Er... miss. 152 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,338 - Yes, sir? - I'm gonna get the cheque. 153 00:13:57,463 --> 00:14:00,549 - Why? - Does the chef have curly hair? 154 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:04,261 - No. - I'm gonna get the cheque. 155 00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:10,434 - You work at the call center, huh? - Yeah, how can you tell? 156 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:12,812 - Well, half the town does. - Right. 157 00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:16,524 - You have that look the rest of them do. - What look is that? 158 00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:21,904 That how much longer till I drop dead so I don't have to go to my stupid job! 159 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:25,407 - That look. - Yeah, that would be the one. 160 00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,953 - You from here? - Nope. Oklahoma. 161 00:14:29,078 --> 00:14:34,542 - Oh, Oklahoma. What's that like? - Nowhere near as sexy as you. 162 00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,088 - Ahem! - I'll get that. 163 00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:46,887 So, care to hear about our desert special? 164 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:53,519 Wow! Jeez! You sure are a very forthright and smart girl, ain't ya? 165 00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:58,107 That's what they said last year when they crowned me Miss Teen Oklahoma. 166 00:14:58,232 --> 00:15:00,818 - What? - What? 167 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:05,072 - Miss Teen Oklahoma? Last year? - Yeah. 168 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:09,535 - How old are you? - 18... more or less. 169 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:12,621 Is it more or is it less? 170 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,040 Well... less, I guess! 171 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,878 Shit! 172 00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:22,423 - What the hell's matter with you? - You're a child! 173 00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:26,427 Do I look like a child? 174 00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:30,014 OK... Ah! Is there anything else you forgot to mention? 175 00:15:40,149 --> 00:15:43,194 - Who are you? - Charlie Wood, Gus's former co-worker. 176 00:15:43,319 --> 00:15:46,030 Josie McBroom. Gus and I were an item. 177 00:15:46,155 --> 00:15:47,823 - Ha! - What? 178 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:51,452 - I'm sorry to interrupt, but what... - I want in. 179 00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:58,042 All right, read my lips, OK no f... g way! 180 00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:00,544 - You guys can't do the job without me? - Why? 181 00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:03,756 Because, dumb-dumb, I'm the only one who can make the call. 182 00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:07,176 If the preacher records you on his answer machine 183 00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:11,514 they'll try and match it up with the voice records from the call center. 184 00:16:12,598 --> 00:16:15,601 You guys would be screwed, stuffed and mounted. 185 00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,062 - Is that true? - Kinda. 186 00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:20,356 How'd you work that out? 187 00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:23,317 I told you, I was Miss Teen Oklahoma. 188 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,571 - How much do you want? - 20,000. 189 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:31,575 20,000? For making a phone call? 190 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,662 For making 'the' phone call. 191 00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:45,131 'The average person makes about 1,140 phone calls each year, 192 00:16:45,256 --> 00:16:48,384 'none of which go anything like this.' 193 00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:51,470 May I speak to the Reverend Smalls, please? 194 00:16:56,934 --> 00:17:01,230 Hi, Reverend. Are you familiar with a website that goes by the name of 195 00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:06,360 teen orgies dot com, or young and hung dot com? 196 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:11,866 Someone who knows what the mouse plays when the wife's away. 197 00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:18,205 Listen, sicko. I have a list of all your favorite sites, your credit card number, 198 00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:22,543 dates and times of all your connections, so you better cut the crap! 199 00:17:27,006 --> 00:17:30,301 - What do I want? - 100,000 dollars. 200 00:17:32,887 --> 00:17:35,264 100,000 dollars. 201 00:17:36,432 --> 00:17:38,476 - 200,000. - What? 202 00:17:38,601 --> 00:17:42,229 You heard me, I want 200,000 dollars, cash. 203 00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:47,234 Take it or leave it. But if I don't have my money by tomorrow evening, 204 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,029 the next church newsletter is gonna be a doozy! 205 00:17:55,910 --> 00:17:57,995 And I'll be sending somebody. 206 00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:03,292 Well, I think that somebody deserves to made a full partner, don't you? 207 00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:06,837 Wait! I took a chance and it worked. 208 00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:09,423 Now we each get 70,000 dollars. 209 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:14,011 It's actually 66,666, followed by an infinite number of sixes. 210 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,805 Thanks, Rain Man! 211 00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:21,018 From now on, anybody pulls any out-of-the-blue stunts, she's out! 212 00:18:21,143 --> 00:18:23,854 If we're partners, let's start acting like it. 213 00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:28,442 This is the plan - I go get the money at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 214 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:31,320 'At the same time, Charlie enters the Monkey Wrench 215 00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:34,323 'and pretends we ran out of gas on the road to Mill Creek.' 216 00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:37,284 He also says that I'm on my way to the gas station, 217 00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:39,453 the one that opens 24/7, don't forget. 218 00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:43,165 10:00 p.m., after I stash the money in a locker at the railway station, 219 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:46,627 I come back and tell everyone about my walk in the dark. 220 00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:50,214 If it comes up, Charlie was at the bar, I was at the gas station. 221 00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:52,758 The guy at the station will say he never saw you. 222 00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:57,012 - Sure. You why? Cos he's blind. - Oh, pretty brill! 223 00:18:57,138 --> 00:18:59,348 The following day we meet at noon, 224 00:18:59,473 --> 00:19:02,017 we divvy up the money and go our respective ways. 225 00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:04,728 OK, now. Any questions? 226 00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:07,731 Why don't we just divvy up the money immediately? 227 00:19:07,857 --> 00:19:10,860 Rule number two always let the dust settle after a job. 228 00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:15,197 "Rule number two?" What, you've been reading 'Blackmailing for Dummies'? 229 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,325 Any questions? Great. 230 00:19:18,451 --> 00:19:23,038 Rule number three - no matter what happens... always stick to the plan. 231 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:36,927 'The next day might have been the longest one I'd ever known. 232 00:19:39,722 --> 00:19:42,892 'For the first time since I could remember 233 00:19:43,017 --> 00:19:46,312 'I'd be able to bring security and happiness to my family.' 234 00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:59,909 'I couldn't tell you if what I felt was fear or excitement.' 235 00:20:02,036 --> 00:20:06,040 So, Mr. Supervisor, talk to me. Do you have a secretary? 236 00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:08,375 - Yep. - Is she pretty? 237 00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:13,506 Pretty? Er... no, she's more nondescript. 238 00:20:13,631 --> 00:20:15,716 What's her name? 239 00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,968 - Sharon. - Sharon? 240 00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:21,722 - Sharon what? - Er... Stone. 241 00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:25,100 - Sharon Stone? - I know! 242 00:20:25,226 --> 00:20:27,436 - So, how was your day? - Oh, phenomenal 243 00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:30,231 And to top it off, the FBI is sending in The Eye. 244 00:20:30,356 --> 00:20:32,441 - The what? - The who? 245 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:36,695 Bionic, supersonic Special Agent Chester Hymes, FBI. AKA The Eye. 246 00:20:36,821 --> 00:20:40,491 Which is just what I need with the Undertaker case out of control - 247 00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:43,828 no leads, no fingerprints, nothing. 248 00:20:43,953 --> 00:20:48,207 Honestly, why some folks suddenly have to turn into criminals is beyond me. 249 00:20:52,545 --> 00:20:55,297 - What if I did? - What if you did what? 250 00:20:57,007 --> 00:20:59,260 If I became a criminal. 251 00:20:59,385 --> 00:21:03,806 Like if I, er... stole some money, or something. 252 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:06,183 I'd arrest you. 253 00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:18,112 But let's say... let's say I had to. 254 00:21:18,237 --> 00:21:24,201 Like we had no other choice and I had to steal something, er... 255 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:27,037 because I had to. What then? 256 00:21:27,163 --> 00:21:28,998 I'd arrest you. 257 00:21:30,291 --> 00:21:33,335 - Why? - A good cop always gets her man! 258 00:21:33,461 --> 00:21:35,546 No... I'm serious, Pen. 259 00:21:35,671 --> 00:21:37,423 Why... 260 00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:40,384 Why should Emily have to put up with second-hand toys, 261 00:21:40,509 --> 00:21:42,845 second-hand clothes, a second-hand life? 262 00:21:45,306 --> 00:21:51,437 Charlie, you have your book, you have me and Emily. And that makes us rich. 263 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,809 Hi. 264 00:22:29,934 --> 00:22:32,978 Oh, what a crazy night! 265 00:22:33,103 --> 00:22:35,773 - My car ran out of gas... - You gonna order? 266 00:22:35,898 --> 00:22:37,983 Sure. Beer, please. 267 00:22:38,108 --> 00:22:41,070 One of your finest, mass-produced... 268 00:22:51,747 --> 00:22:54,792 My friend, Gus... You know Gus. 269 00:22:54,917 --> 00:22:57,878 Gus Dickinson, works down at the call center. 270 00:22:58,003 --> 00:23:00,089 Reverend Smalls? 271 00:23:04,260 --> 00:23:08,013 And that's where he is now walking down that road to the station. 272 00:23:08,139 --> 00:23:11,183 Reverend Sma... 273 00:23:11,308 --> 00:23:13,185 Smalls... 274 00:23:13,310 --> 00:23:18,274 The old blind guy who runs the station keeps it open 24/7. 275 00:23:18,399 --> 00:23:22,236 Old blind guy is celebrating his 80th birthday tonight, young fella. 276 00:23:25,489 --> 00:23:27,450 Who the hell are you? 277 00:23:29,702 --> 00:23:33,581 Er... I'm the guy that's here to collect the money. 278 00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:48,804 - Give me your gun. - I don't have one. 279 00:23:51,348 --> 00:23:54,810 You've come to get money from me and you ain't packing? 280 00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:57,104 Give my regards to the big bearded guy. 281 00:23:57,229 --> 00:24:00,733 You don't mean Santa Claus, do you? 282 00:24:11,327 --> 00:24:13,412 Gus? 283 00:24:14,288 --> 00:24:16,373 Gus? 284 00:24:29,136 --> 00:24:31,222 Gus? 285 00:24:33,182 --> 00:24:35,267 Gus? 286 00:24:49,949 --> 00:24:52,034 Oh my...! 287 00:25:14,557 --> 00:25:19,228 'lf it's you, Jos�, fuck off! Everybody else, leave a message.' 288 00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:23,315 Josie? Josie? Pick up. 289 00:25:25,234 --> 00:25:29,947 Josie, are you there? We have a real problem here. Pick up. 290 00:26:47,942 --> 00:26:50,027 Gus? 291 00:27:02,748 --> 00:27:04,834 Gus? 292 00:27:07,128 --> 00:27:09,922 Gus? Gus, are you there? 293 00:27:12,383 --> 00:27:14,468 Gus? 294 00:27:20,349 --> 00:27:22,434 Gus? 295 00:27:24,311 --> 00:27:26,188 - Oh! - Oh my God! 296 00:27:26,313 --> 00:27:29,066 - What happened? - What are you doing here? 297 00:27:29,191 --> 00:27:31,861 The station was closed. 298 00:27:31,986 --> 00:27:34,113 Our alibi! So I came here. 299 00:27:34,238 --> 00:27:36,782 - Whoa! Calm down - What the hell happened? 300 00:27:36,907 --> 00:27:39,660 The bastard pulled a gun on me. He was gonna shoot me 301 00:27:39,785 --> 00:27:42,538 and I grabbed the gun and it went off. No biggy. 302 00:27:42,663 --> 00:27:46,584 - No biggy? - I conked him on the head with a vase. 303 00:27:46,709 --> 00:27:48,836 He's gonna wake up any minute now. 304 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,551 Oh, Gus... 305 00:27:58,637 --> 00:28:00,806 I think I made a big mistake. 306 00:28:02,975 --> 00:28:06,729 - Did you call the cops? - I put him in the septic tank. 307 00:28:06,854 --> 00:28:08,898 - Who? - The corpse. 308 00:28:09,023 --> 00:28:12,151 - What corpse? - The reverend's corpse. 309 00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:16,489 The reverend wasn't a corpse when I left him. 310 00:28:16,614 --> 00:28:19,784 - There was blood. I saw blood... - It was my blood. 311 00:28:19,909 --> 00:28:23,454 He shot me through the leg. Look, it went clean through the muscle. 312 00:28:24,622 --> 00:28:26,582 Oh my god. 313 00:28:28,334 --> 00:28:30,419 Why didn't you answer when I called you? 314 00:28:30,544 --> 00:28:33,422 I was in the bathroom cleaning the wound. 315 00:28:36,258 --> 00:28:40,054 I checked his pulse. I mean, well... 316 00:28:40,179 --> 00:28:43,098 - Maybe I missed it. 17 percent... - You missed it? 317 00:28:43,224 --> 00:28:45,726 What? Can't we get him out of the tank? 318 00:28:45,851 --> 00:28:49,438 - How long's he been down there? - 10 minutes, tops. 319 00:28:49,563 --> 00:28:51,732 What? 320 00:28:51,857 --> 00:28:55,861 I thought I said, no matter what, stick to the fucking plan. 321 00:28:55,986 --> 00:28:58,280 There wasn't anything in the fucking plan 322 00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:02,034 about the blind guy's birthday and the reverend in a pool of blood! 323 00:29:02,159 --> 00:29:04,120 All right, let's calm down. 324 00:29:04,245 --> 00:29:06,122 - Don't you need a doctor? - Yeah! 325 00:29:06,247 --> 00:29:08,415 There's a slightly more pressing matter! 326 00:29:38,654 --> 00:29:41,699 - What are you doing? - He's crying. 327 00:29:41,824 --> 00:29:46,745 Jesus, Gus. He's crying for what we've done, for our sin. 328 00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:51,709 - Jesus. Hail Mary, full of grace... - Bathtub. 329 00:29:56,464 --> 00:29:59,550 Goddammit! Is that part of your plan? 330 00:29:59,675 --> 00:30:02,136 After you kill someone you take a nice hot bath? 331 00:30:02,261 --> 00:30:07,475 I didn't kill anybody, first of all. Second, I don't pray to leaky ceilings! 332 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,228 Well you know what, I'm having a tough time here. 333 00:30:11,353 --> 00:30:16,066 I just drowned a man of the cloth in crap! 334 00:30:16,192 --> 00:30:18,569 - Maybe I should turn myself in... - No! 335 00:30:18,694 --> 00:30:20,780 Nobody is turning anybody in 336 00:30:20,905 --> 00:30:24,658 Now did you know the priest was alive when you killed him? 337 00:30:24,784 --> 00:30:27,411 - No. - There you go then. 338 00:30:32,124 --> 00:30:36,754 How could we have thought a reverend would have 200,000 dollars in cash? 339 00:30:38,881 --> 00:30:42,009 The average savings of an American couple between 35 and 50 340 00:30:42,134 --> 00:30:44,470 is 15,256 dollars. 341 00:30:44,595 --> 00:30:46,931 Charlie, Charlie... 342 00:30:47,056 --> 00:30:49,725 Shut up! 343 00:30:52,603 --> 00:30:54,063 Wait! 344 00:30:54,188 --> 00:30:57,066 No! Rule number four never return to the crime scene. 345 00:30:57,191 --> 00:30:59,360 It's Josie's card, I left it by the phone. 346 00:31:00,402 --> 00:31:04,156 Rule number five - if your partner is an idiot, forget rule number four. 347 00:31:11,247 --> 00:31:13,332 It's gone. 348 00:31:23,259 --> 00:31:25,010 Got it. 349 00:31:25,136 --> 00:31:27,429 Ow! What the fuck? 350 00:31:29,849 --> 00:31:31,600 Ow! 351 00:31:39,191 --> 00:31:41,443 Shouldn't we be going? 352 00:31:41,569 --> 00:31:44,405 Aren't you just a little curious? 353 00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:53,247 'Have a look right there. This beauty, huh? 354 00:31:53,372 --> 00:31:56,584 'How are you? ' 355 00:31:56,709 --> 00:32:00,045 'Look. This is for you, all right? ' 356 00:32:00,171 --> 00:32:03,591 - She's an actress, right? - 'Shut up, all right? 357 00:32:03,716 --> 00:32:06,719 'You like this, baby? You like this? Right here? 358 00:32:06,844 --> 00:32:09,138 'You like to feel that? Feel that. Yeah. 359 00:32:09,263 --> 00:32:13,642 'Yeah. You know what this? I am gonna carve your face up... 360 00:32:13,767 --> 00:32:15,853 'Argh! ' 361 00:32:15,978 --> 00:32:17,855 'Shut up! ' 362 00:32:17,980 --> 00:32:22,193 If I didn't know better, you know what I'd say this looks like? 363 00:32:24,862 --> 00:32:27,698 A snuff film? 364 00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:34,789 Holy moly! 365 00:32:34,914 --> 00:32:38,876 - Who says Holy moly? - Is it important right now? 366 00:32:39,001 --> 00:32:43,422 This is why he was so keen to cop a deal. He's part of a snuff film ring. 367 00:32:43,547 --> 00:32:46,842 - We've gotta call the police. - What are we gonna tell them? 368 00:32:46,967 --> 00:32:50,679 - Look, if they find the body... - They're not gonna find the body. 369 00:32:50,805 --> 00:32:53,265 The septic tank was genius. Look at it this way - 370 00:32:53,390 --> 00:32:55,726 we may have saved lives tonight. 371 00:32:56,894 --> 00:33:00,356 - You think he's the Oregon Undertaker? - Who knows. 372 00:33:00,481 --> 00:33:02,650 He sure as hell got what he deserved. 373 00:33:04,443 --> 00:33:06,237 Charlie... Wait! 374 00:33:09,406 --> 00:33:11,617 You mind if I come in? 375 00:33:14,453 --> 00:33:16,580 What? 376 00:33:17,706 --> 00:33:19,959 We found the reverend's body. 377 00:33:22,169 --> 00:33:24,588 - It was an accident... - This was no accident. 378 00:33:24,713 --> 00:33:28,134 Someone shot him three times in the head 379 00:33:28,259 --> 00:33:31,095 and left him in his car by the side of the road. 380 00:33:33,013 --> 00:33:37,560 That's a hard pill to swallow. Murder always is. 381 00:33:39,145 --> 00:33:42,982 I'm sorry. Are you certain that it's the Reverend Smalls? 382 00:33:43,107 --> 00:33:45,651 - Oh yeah. We've got a positive ID. - Then who's... 383 00:33:46,569 --> 00:33:48,988 Who's what? 384 00:33:49,113 --> 00:33:52,616 Who is... safe 385 00:33:52,741 --> 00:33:54,869 in this godforsaken world... 386 00:33:54,994 --> 00:33:57,455 - You family? - Yeah... No! 387 00:33:57,580 --> 00:34:01,459 Just a friend. A family friend. 388 00:34:01,584 --> 00:34:03,794 - And your name is? - Stephen. 389 00:34:06,213 --> 00:34:08,090 Stephen Hawking. 390 00:34:08,215 --> 00:34:10,718 Mind if I... 391 00:34:27,234 --> 00:34:31,363 - You're watching a DVD, huh? - Yeah... No! 392 00:34:31,489 --> 00:34:34,700 I mean... did you know that DVD sales 393 00:34:34,825 --> 00:34:39,914 have risen by 226 percent over the last six months? 394 00:34:40,039 --> 00:34:42,750 Well... no. 395 00:34:43,793 --> 00:34:47,588 But I sure am 100 percent glad to know that. Thanks for the factoid. 396 00:34:52,676 --> 00:34:56,639 So, er... can I get you a drink? 397 00:34:56,764 --> 00:34:59,141 A glass of H2O, if you please, Mr. Hawking. 398 00:35:08,651 --> 00:35:10,736 There's some blood on the floor. 399 00:35:19,870 --> 00:35:21,956 - Mr. Hawking? - Yeah. I, er... 400 00:35:22,081 --> 00:35:24,625 I broke a vase and, er... 401 00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:28,462 and accidentally cut my arm on one of the shards. 402 00:35:36,846 --> 00:35:40,015 - Look... - Oh, doggy! 403 00:35:40,141 --> 00:35:42,226 That hurts just looking at it. 404 00:35:43,352 --> 00:35:46,814 - What are you doing? - Getting a sample. Standard procedure. 405 00:35:46,939 --> 00:35:50,651 'Deputy Garmen, Detective Wood wants you at the station.' 406 00:35:50,776 --> 00:35:52,653 Copy that. 407 00:35:52,778 --> 00:35:56,157 Detective Wood, always breathing down my neck. 408 00:35:56,282 --> 00:35:58,993 Ain't had a good poke, if you ask me. 409 00:36:00,202 --> 00:36:04,165 I'm not asking, but whatever. 410 00:36:04,290 --> 00:36:06,041 Well, I'd better get a move on. 411 00:36:10,629 --> 00:36:14,133 Mmm... What a beautiful night. 412 00:36:15,217 --> 00:36:18,304 You could almost touch those stars, huh? 413 00:36:18,429 --> 00:36:20,681 Yep. 414 00:36:20,806 --> 00:36:23,934 Although, even if you were traveling the speed of light 415 00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:27,188 it would take you 1,460 days to reach the closest one. 416 00:36:27,313 --> 00:36:29,190 Is that right? 417 00:36:29,315 --> 00:36:32,318 Well you are just a walking factoid factory, partner! 418 00:36:32,443 --> 00:36:35,571 You have yourself a good night. 419 00:36:35,696 --> 00:36:37,573 You, too, officer. 420 00:36:39,784 --> 00:36:45,206 Oh... would you mind if I took a gander at that DVD you were watching? 421 00:36:47,875 --> 00:36:50,211 Curiosity killed the cat, Officer. 422 00:36:50,336 --> 00:36:53,589 In my line of work, the cat gets a raise and a promotion. 423 00:37:06,519 --> 00:37:09,480 My nine-year-old loves this one. 424 00:37:09,605 --> 00:37:12,233 Especially this part with this singing cow. 425 00:37:15,111 --> 00:37:17,238 I've got to admit, Stephen... 426 00:37:17,363 --> 00:37:19,448 I thought you were hiding something. 427 00:37:38,509 --> 00:37:41,512 It kinda looks like something got dragged here. 428 00:37:44,223 --> 00:37:46,308 You wanna come with me? 429 00:37:50,938 --> 00:37:53,482 I need you to lift this up for me, Stephen. 430 00:37:53,607 --> 00:37:56,527 - Officer, you don't want to smell... - Open it. 431 00:38:04,618 --> 00:38:07,246 So much for the raise and the promotion, Officer! 432 00:38:08,330 --> 00:38:10,958 There we go. 433 00:38:11,083 --> 00:38:15,087 I knew Columbo here would come back for the DVD. What do we do with him? 434 00:38:15,212 --> 00:38:18,507 - Who is in the septic tank? - How do I know. 435 00:38:18,632 --> 00:38:20,759 Check the papers, see who's missing. 436 00:38:20,885 --> 00:38:23,762 And then what, Gus? We killed somebody! 437 00:38:23,888 --> 00:38:28,058 - Oh, you killed somebody! - Well, you kidnapped a cop! 438 00:38:28,184 --> 00:38:33,314 - Oh, yes, I did! What do you propose? - I'm turning myself in. 439 00:38:33,439 --> 00:38:35,649 They'll say murdered the real reverend. 440 00:38:35,774 --> 00:38:39,195 - I had nothing to do with that! - So? What do they care? 441 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,615 Makes it all nice and neat for them. No messy loose ends. 442 00:38:42,740 --> 00:38:46,786 I'd bet good money they'll be all, "Gosh! We finally caught the Undertaker!" 443 00:38:46,911 --> 00:38:49,413 You'll be spitting fire and crying sparks. 444 00:38:49,538 --> 00:38:52,124 Enough, OK? Let's not make this worse than it is. 445 00:38:52,249 --> 00:38:54,752 Charlie, how could this be any worse? 446 00:38:56,545 --> 00:38:59,048 You're not going anywhere. 447 00:38:59,173 --> 00:39:01,050 You're gonna shoot me? 448 00:39:01,175 --> 00:39:04,512 I've got a family too, Charlie. I am not going to jail. 449 00:39:05,763 --> 00:39:08,307 I am going to shoot you, Charlie! 450 00:39:09,517 --> 00:39:12,353 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 451 00:39:15,731 --> 00:39:18,359 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am! 452 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,405 Shit! 453 00:39:33,290 --> 00:39:35,376 Ah! I knew you would... 454 00:39:37,128 --> 00:39:39,130 I wouldn't do that. 455 00:39:46,554 --> 00:39:48,430 Who the hell are you? 456 00:39:48,556 --> 00:39:53,519 Considering that I live here, young man, the question is, "Who the hell are you?" 457 00:39:54,854 --> 00:39:58,774 It's not what you think, Mrs. Smalls. We're not burglars. 458 00:39:58,899 --> 00:40:01,902 Look... we have some terrible news. 459 00:40:02,027 --> 00:40:05,656 Your husband, the reverend... 460 00:40:05,781 --> 00:40:07,867 has passed on. 461 00:40:07,992 --> 00:40:10,828 Considering I put three bullets in his head 462 00:40:10,953 --> 00:40:13,706 I should certainly hope so! 463 00:40:13,831 --> 00:40:16,959 Mrs. Smalls, you have the right to remain silent. 464 00:40:17,084 --> 00:40:19,253 - Anything you say... - Oh, please! 465 00:40:19,378 --> 00:40:21,464 So you killed him? 466 00:40:21,589 --> 00:40:24,925 I spent years turning a blind eye to that pervert's, er... 467 00:40:25,050 --> 00:40:27,553 shall we say filmmaking aspirations. 468 00:40:27,678 --> 00:40:30,306 Max and I felt we deserved a share of his benefits. 469 00:40:31,599 --> 00:40:34,852 - Who's Max? - A real man. 470 00:40:35,895 --> 00:40:40,441 We're going from here to somewhere where we'll never worry ever again. 471 00:40:42,109 --> 00:40:44,695 - Er... Ahem! - What? 472 00:40:44,820 --> 00:40:47,615 I think he may already be there. 473 00:40:48,908 --> 00:40:53,537 - What? He wouldn't leave without me. - He didn't really have a choice. 474 00:40:53,662 --> 00:40:55,956 - It was an accident. - OK! 475 00:40:56,081 --> 00:40:58,918 - Shut up... - Why don't you both shut up! 476 00:41:01,253 --> 00:41:04,131 All right, where's the money? 477 00:41:05,299 --> 00:41:09,595 - Sorry, what money? - Two million dollars doesn't just vanish! 478 00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:11,722 - Two... - Yeah, where is it? 479 00:41:14,308 --> 00:41:16,268 Oh dear! 480 00:41:17,186 --> 00:41:20,356 I guess I'll just have to count to three. One... 481 00:41:20,481 --> 00:41:22,566 - No, Mrs. Smalls! - Tell her where it is. 482 00:41:22,691 --> 00:41:24,193 - We don't know! - Two... 483 00:41:24,318 --> 00:41:27,154 Tell her! 484 00:41:40,167 --> 00:41:44,338 We'll, I'll be! I haven't heard Pink Floyd in years. 485 00:41:54,014 --> 00:41:56,767 Well, pa, time to fire up the old septic tank! 486 00:42:00,271 --> 00:42:04,775 By the way, what happened exactly? 487 00:42:05,943 --> 00:42:09,405 Sure. Charlie drowned the reverend, who he thought was dead 488 00:42:09,530 --> 00:42:11,782 even though he wasn't, in the septic tank. 489 00:42:11,907 --> 00:42:13,993 Turns out he wasn't the real reverend. 490 00:42:14,118 --> 00:42:16,412 The real reverend was murdered by his wife, 491 00:42:16,537 --> 00:42:19,748 the woman whose head you split with an axe - stellar timing! 492 00:42:19,874 --> 00:42:24,962 She planned to run away with her lover, Max, now deceased, thanks to Charlie, 493 00:42:25,087 --> 00:42:29,133 and the two million dollars the reverend raised from his side venture 494 00:42:29,258 --> 00:42:32,845 in shooting and selling snuff films. Okey-dokey? 495 00:42:32,970 --> 00:42:36,682 - Groovy! - Groovy? 496 00:42:36,807 --> 00:42:39,685 Three people died tonight, Josie. 497 00:42:39,810 --> 00:42:43,522 In this business, unfortunately, death is an occupational hazard. 498 00:42:43,647 --> 00:42:48,694 And by the way, way to go using my name in front of the cop... Charlie! 499 00:42:48,819 --> 00:42:51,489 Hey, look. I can help. 500 00:42:52,740 --> 00:42:56,452 I'll testify that I heard Mrs. Smalls confess to killing her husband. 501 00:42:56,577 --> 00:43:00,706 As for Mrs. Smalls, she was threatening the life of a police officer. 502 00:43:02,291 --> 00:43:06,253 - What about the guy in the tank? - You killed him by accident. 503 00:43:06,378 --> 00:43:09,715 You wouldn't do much time. Five years, tops. 504 00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,926 Oh my God! 505 00:43:20,017 --> 00:43:22,102 Well that doesn't suck! 506 00:43:23,479 --> 00:43:27,233 I have to hand it to you. That was a brilliant plan after all. 507 00:43:27,358 --> 00:43:30,444 Can you believe it? We're rich. 508 00:43:30,569 --> 00:43:33,447 You guys can keep my share. I'm gonna turn myself in. 509 00:43:33,572 --> 00:43:35,741 If I go to jail, I go to jail. 510 00:43:35,866 --> 00:43:38,202 Don't be ridiculous! You earned this. 511 00:43:38,327 --> 00:43:40,371 They'll just hunt us down like animals. 512 00:43:40,496 --> 00:43:43,457 With this kind of money you can disappear. 513 00:43:43,582 --> 00:43:46,460 I have a wife and daughter, I don't want to disappear. 514 00:43:46,585 --> 00:43:48,629 Fine. Gus and I will leave the state 515 00:43:48,754 --> 00:43:52,216 and we'll just drop you and the deputy in the middle of nowhere. 516 00:43:52,341 --> 00:43:54,885 - How's that sound? - Let's get rid of the deputy. 517 00:43:55,010 --> 00:43:56,637 - What? - Good thinking! 518 00:43:56,762 --> 00:44:00,558 Since he's the only one who can testify that we're innocent of the murder. 519 00:44:00,683 --> 00:44:02,601 OK, Miss Teen Oklahoma... 520 00:44:02,726 --> 00:44:05,020 Help! 521 00:44:05,604 --> 00:44:07,439 Help! 522 00:44:32,131 --> 00:44:33,799 Yes! 523 00:44:33,924 --> 00:44:36,051 - Hold his head. - What are you doing? 524 00:44:36,177 --> 00:44:38,637 Just helping him relax a little. 525 00:44:51,734 --> 00:44:54,361 My friend here decided to surrender. 526 00:44:54,487 --> 00:44:57,031 We'll drop you both somewhere and say goodbye. 527 00:44:57,156 --> 00:45:01,243 - You're making a big mistake. - Let's get out of here. 528 00:45:02,953 --> 00:45:05,039 Wait, wait! 529 00:45:06,123 --> 00:45:08,542 I gotta go pee. 530 00:45:08,667 --> 00:45:12,046 - Please? - OK. 531 00:45:13,130 --> 00:45:16,550 Wait... 532 00:45:16,675 --> 00:45:19,553 - The handcuffs. - In your dreams! 533 00:45:19,678 --> 00:45:22,598 There are certain requirements... 534 00:45:31,690 --> 00:45:35,319 There. Enjoy! 535 00:45:55,131 --> 00:45:57,508 I'm sorry... 536 00:45:57,633 --> 00:45:59,927 I can't go if you're, er... watching. 537 00:46:00,052 --> 00:46:02,388 Could you just close... 538 00:46:04,390 --> 00:46:07,643 Stage fright! It happens to the best of us. 539 00:46:29,248 --> 00:46:31,333 One minute warning. 540 00:46:38,382 --> 00:46:40,759 You dropped this. 541 00:46:43,679 --> 00:46:46,974 - No, I can explain... Argh! - Get up, partner! 542 00:46:47,099 --> 00:46:50,769 - What the hell's the matter with you? - It's a flight to Vegas. 543 00:46:50,895 --> 00:46:54,273 8:00 a.m. We were supposed to meet at noon to split the money. 544 00:46:54,398 --> 00:46:58,360 - That asshole broke my nose! - You better have an explanation. 545 00:46:58,486 --> 00:47:03,991 All right, I lied about Thais needing a cornea transplant. She's fine. 546 00:47:05,367 --> 00:47:09,246 - I owe my wife 300,000 bucks. - I'm sorry? 547 00:47:09,371 --> 00:47:13,292 I owe my ex-wife 300,000 dollars and because of her snake of a lawyer 548 00:47:13,417 --> 00:47:16,295 there is a restraining order against me until I pay up. 549 00:47:16,420 --> 00:47:19,173 I have not seen or talked to my daughter in two years. 550 00:47:19,298 --> 00:47:21,300 - Why not say? - Would you have helped? 551 00:47:21,425 --> 00:47:23,803 - Of course not. - Well, there you go, then! 552 00:47:33,938 --> 00:47:36,607 - Oh my God! - There goes our alibi. 553 00:47:36,732 --> 00:47:39,819 Uh-uh! Freakin' fantastic! 554 00:47:39,944 --> 00:47:43,614 Don't you see? None of us has to run away or turn ourselves in. 555 00:47:43,739 --> 00:47:46,408 What do you propose? We roam the country 556 00:47:46,534 --> 00:47:48,619 like Bonnie and Clyde... and Clyde? 557 00:47:48,744 --> 00:47:53,707 No. First, we take the cop's car and crash it into a tree up the road. 558 00:47:53,833 --> 00:47:56,502 We put him and the reverend's wife in her car 559 00:47:56,627 --> 00:47:59,004 and push it over the cliff at Grouse Point. 560 00:47:59,130 --> 00:48:03,592 - They'd find the car in a couple of days. - And what would the forensic figure? 561 00:48:03,717 --> 00:48:07,721 That the deputy was driving under the influence of alcohol, crashed, 562 00:48:07,847 --> 00:48:10,432 flagged down another car driven by Mrs. Smalls, 563 00:48:10,558 --> 00:48:13,352 took control of the wheel and drove them off a cliff. 564 00:48:13,477 --> 00:48:17,273 And the wounds, they'd be more than covered up by the crash. 565 00:48:17,398 --> 00:48:20,025 So the reverend gets murdered on the same night 566 00:48:20,151 --> 00:48:23,279 that his wife gets driven off a cliff by a drunken cop? 567 00:48:23,404 --> 00:48:25,614 That doesn't sound very accidental. 568 00:48:25,739 --> 00:48:28,159 You know, he has a point... for once. 569 00:48:28,284 --> 00:48:33,289 OK, er... Then we plant Mrs. Smalls' gun in the car with them. 570 00:48:33,414 --> 00:48:36,292 They figure it was the weapon that killed the reverend. 571 00:48:36,417 --> 00:48:39,253 They think... maybe she had an affair with the deputy, 572 00:48:39,378 --> 00:48:44,383 maybe they decide to off the reverend and then maybe they had an accident. 573 00:48:45,342 --> 00:48:49,138 - That's a hell of a lot of maybes! - Let's hear your bright idea, boss. 574 00:48:57,521 --> 00:49:00,608 Ooh! Old broad sure liked her food! 575 00:49:00,733 --> 00:49:03,569 Fancy body bags! 576 00:49:06,363 --> 00:49:09,950 - You're eating a lollypop? - I didn't have dinner. I need the sugar. 577 00:49:11,744 --> 00:49:13,996 - Ow! - Are you OK? 578 00:49:14,121 --> 00:49:16,957 Yeah. Let's just get this done. 579 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,610 Can you go any slower? 580 00:50:26,735 --> 00:50:30,072 We don't wanna attract attention, now do we? 581 00:50:30,197 --> 00:50:32,908 No, we don't wanna go back in time, now do we? 582 00:50:33,951 --> 00:50:38,539 It's only by going faster than light that one could theoretically go back in time. 583 00:50:38,664 --> 00:50:41,709 Yeah! Do me a favor - shut the fuck up! 584 00:50:43,836 --> 00:50:48,257 You have some serious stress-related issues. You're not Canadian, are you? 585 00:50:48,382 --> 00:50:50,509 Wh... What? 586 00:50:50,634 --> 00:50:55,389 The 2003 statistical report on the health of Canadians states that 62 percent... 587 00:50:55,514 --> 00:51:00,936 What's wrong with you? You pull these random facts and stats out of your ass, 588 00:51:01,061 --> 00:51:03,606 and nobody really gives a shit! 589 00:51:03,731 --> 00:51:06,317 - Guys! - Jesus Christ, man! 590 00:51:06,442 --> 00:51:08,694 Charlie, here's a nifty stat for you - 591 00:51:08,819 --> 00:51:12,406 for a guy that knows everything, to get a job in a call center 592 00:51:12,531 --> 00:51:16,452 you have to be, bar none, the biggest loser I have ever met in my life. 593 00:51:16,577 --> 00:51:18,662 And I'm from Las Vegas! 594 00:51:32,259 --> 00:51:36,013 You ever hear of a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine? 595 00:51:36,138 --> 00:51:37,807 What? 596 00:51:37,932 --> 00:51:41,894 It's the chemical your brain uses for memory... dummy. 597 00:51:42,937 --> 00:51:45,147 - Is it? - Yeah, that's exactly right. 598 00:51:45,272 --> 00:51:49,944 See, the reason I lost my teaching job is I have this disorder, 599 00:51:50,069 --> 00:51:53,447 typified by a gradual, acute neuro-degeneration 600 00:51:53,572 --> 00:51:55,658 of the cerebral cortex. 601 00:51:55,783 --> 00:52:00,913 Or if that's too "pulled out of my ass" for you, I'm slowly losing my memory. 602 00:52:02,540 --> 00:52:04,208 Are you making this up? 603 00:52:04,333 --> 00:52:08,379 The doctors think that, in a year or two, my mind will be a total blank. 604 00:52:08,504 --> 00:52:11,090 So the only thing I can do to slow things down 605 00:52:11,215 --> 00:52:14,468 is to keep working my memory as much as possible. 606 00:52:15,678 --> 00:52:17,930 Do you remember what's in the blue bag? 607 00:52:18,055 --> 00:52:20,850 What blue bag? 608 00:52:22,393 --> 00:52:25,855 Jeez, guy, I'm really sorry. You know... 609 00:52:34,655 --> 00:52:37,783 Hey, Gus, what's the Greek word for bullshit? 610 00:52:44,165 --> 00:52:46,250 - You sonofabitch! - Stop it! 611 00:52:46,375 --> 00:52:48,419 Damn it! What the... 612 00:52:52,715 --> 00:52:55,885 - Are you fucking crazy? - He lied to us again! 613 00:52:56,010 --> 00:52:58,596 He doesn't have a daughter... 614 00:52:58,721 --> 00:53:01,599 Is everyone OK in there? 615 00:53:04,351 --> 00:53:06,479 We're fine. 616 00:53:06,604 --> 00:53:10,024 Everything's fine. So, thanks for coming over. 617 00:53:10,149 --> 00:53:12,860 - I think we should call the police. - What? 618 00:53:12,985 --> 00:53:16,071 No, let's not bother them. They've got a lot on their plate. 619 00:53:16,197 --> 00:53:18,282 You're fine, your car's fine. 620 00:53:18,407 --> 00:53:22,161 Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's standard procedure, isn't it? 621 00:53:23,496 --> 00:53:27,374 I'll be honest with you - I don't give a rat's ass for standard procedure. 622 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:31,462 Here, why don't you pack your fat ass back in your car 623 00:53:31,587 --> 00:53:34,673 and buy yourself as big a sandwich as your heart desires. 624 00:53:34,799 --> 00:53:37,802 Is that standard enough procedure for you? 625 00:53:37,927 --> 00:53:40,179 - Your trunk is open. - What? 626 00:53:42,056 --> 00:53:44,350 You all going on a trip somewhere? 627 00:53:44,475 --> 00:53:48,646 Sure looks you're packed for a long one. Is that your entire wardrobe in there? 628 00:53:48,771 --> 00:53:51,107 No, it's a couple of dead bodies. 629 00:53:55,945 --> 00:53:58,739 - That was a good one! - I'm glad you liked it... 630 00:53:58,864 --> 00:54:01,408 Oh, jeez! 631 00:54:01,534 --> 00:54:05,246 Oh, it's time for old stingy! 632 00:54:05,371 --> 00:54:07,289 What? 633 00:54:07,414 --> 00:54:09,583 Oh, it's insulin. 634 00:54:09,708 --> 00:54:11,794 Whatever! 635 00:54:19,552 --> 00:54:21,929 Freak show! 636 00:54:23,973 --> 00:54:25,933 - Ow! - You sonofabitch! 637 00:54:26,058 --> 00:54:29,562 Granted, I lied, but I have a responsibility towards myself. 638 00:54:29,687 --> 00:54:32,982 - When I got out of prison, I swore... - What? What? 639 00:54:33,107 --> 00:54:36,026 You were in prison? For what? 640 00:54:36,152 --> 00:54:40,156 I kind of convinced some people to invest in some businesses 641 00:54:40,281 --> 00:54:43,242 that weren't actually, technically in existence. 642 00:54:43,367 --> 00:54:46,245 - Anything else you forgot, sociopath? - Oh, come on! 643 00:54:46,370 --> 00:54:49,415 - Aren't you overreacting a bit? - Overreacting? 644 00:54:49,540 --> 00:54:52,084 I happen to be a very good conman. 645 00:54:52,209 --> 00:54:55,379 That's my talent. What do you want me to do, waste it? 646 00:54:55,504 --> 00:54:58,674 You don't go around using it on your partners, jerk! 647 00:54:59,633 --> 00:55:03,345 I bet Gus isn't even your real name. What is it? 648 00:55:03,471 --> 00:55:07,057 - No, really, I'd love to know. - My mother, God rest her soul... 649 00:55:07,183 --> 00:55:10,102 ...named me after Augustus... 650 00:55:44,929 --> 00:55:47,014 What the... 651 00:55:52,978 --> 00:55:57,858 - Maybe she's jumped out the trunk. - She didn't jump out of any trunk. 652 00:55:57,983 --> 00:56:00,444 - She's fucking dead. - Did you check her pulse? 653 00:56:00,569 --> 00:56:03,781 - Er... no. - Why didn't you check her pulse? 654 00:56:03,906 --> 00:56:07,660 Because I assume that when you have an axe lodged in your skull 655 00:56:07,785 --> 00:56:09,870 your pulse tends to bottom out on you! 656 00:56:09,995 --> 00:56:14,041 - Maybe you shouldn't assume so much. - All right, just settle down, kids! 657 00:56:14,166 --> 00:56:17,837 All that matters now is that we find her before someone else does. 658 00:56:17,962 --> 00:56:21,966 - Try to keep it on the road this time! - Hey, fuck you! Fuck you both! 659 00:56:22,091 --> 00:56:28,264 When people ain't punching me in the eye, my driving is just perfect. 660 00:56:28,389 --> 00:56:30,099 Argh! 661 00:56:52,746 --> 00:56:55,749 Want me to check her pulse? 662 00:57:01,255 --> 00:57:03,424 Shit! 663 00:57:07,094 --> 00:57:09,805 - Charlie? - Hi, honey! 664 00:57:09,930 --> 00:57:13,309 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 665 00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:18,355 Wh... We had an anonymous call reporting a body in the road. 666 00:57:18,481 --> 00:57:20,274 We just ran over it. 667 00:57:20,399 --> 00:57:22,777 Hi, I'm Josie McBroom. 668 00:57:22,902 --> 00:57:26,030 I thought you were having a drink with your supervisor. 669 00:57:26,155 --> 00:57:30,659 Technically, I'm Junior Supervisor but they did place Charlie under me. 670 00:57:31,702 --> 00:57:35,247 - Oh... - And you must be... 671 00:57:35,372 --> 00:57:37,208 - Penelope Wood. - Penelope. 672 00:57:37,333 --> 00:57:39,794 - Detective Penelope Wood. - Of course! 673 00:57:39,919 --> 00:57:43,506 Charlie has told me a lot about you... 674 00:57:43,631 --> 00:57:46,509 Did he say he has a little girl and that I brought her... 675 00:57:46,634 --> 00:57:50,221 - Emily's here? ...because there's no one at home? 676 00:57:50,346 --> 00:57:52,431 Now, what happened, exactly? 677 00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:56,435 Well, we were driving into town 678 00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,063 and all of a sudden - bang! 679 00:57:59,188 --> 00:58:02,691 We ran over this body here. There was nothing I could do to avoid her. 680 00:58:02,817 --> 00:58:06,362 No one could have. I swear, she just popped out of nowhere. 681 00:58:07,738 --> 00:58:11,158 - And you are? - Who, me? I'm Gus. 682 00:58:11,283 --> 00:58:14,954 Gus Dickinson is my name. A co-worker of Charlie's. 683 00:58:16,539 --> 00:58:19,667 - Who are you calling? - My deputy. 684 00:58:28,592 --> 00:58:30,469 Aren't you gonna answer that? 685 00:58:31,804 --> 00:58:34,849 Uh-uh! It's probably just my ex-boyfriend. 686 00:58:34,974 --> 00:58:37,226 Freakin' stalker, you know? 687 00:58:40,062 --> 00:58:44,859 Deputy Garmen, Detective Wood here. You need to report in immediately. 688 00:58:44,984 --> 00:58:47,736 Detective Wood. 689 00:58:49,655 --> 00:58:51,532 Where? 690 00:58:53,284 --> 00:58:55,244 Shit! 691 00:58:55,369 --> 00:58:57,872 - The Eye is at the station. - The what? 692 00:58:57,997 --> 00:59:03,169 All right, I want you all to follow me down there. I'm gonna need your statements. 693 00:59:03,294 --> 00:59:06,797 Can't that wait till tomorrow? I'm sure it more productive 694 00:59:06,922 --> 00:59:09,592 if we'd had a good night's sleep, right? 695 00:59:12,887 --> 00:59:16,557 You might have mentioned that your wife was a detective. 696 00:59:16,682 --> 00:59:18,142 Shut up. 697 00:59:18,267 --> 00:59:21,479 Gus, you might have mentioned about not really owing alimony 698 00:59:21,604 --> 00:59:25,566 to your imaginary wife and your imaginary daughter not really going blind. 699 00:59:25,691 --> 00:59:27,943 Touch�! 700 00:59:28,068 --> 00:59:31,489 Everyone, this is Special Agent Chester Hymes. 701 00:59:31,614 --> 00:59:35,910 Well, can you beat this? My friends with the bodies in the trunk. 702 00:59:37,536 --> 00:59:39,497 - What? - It's an inside joke! 703 00:59:39,622 --> 00:59:42,541 We ran into each other earlier. How do you do? 704 00:59:44,460 --> 00:59:47,546 - I'm ready. - Charlie, can you look after Emmy. 705 00:59:47,671 --> 00:59:49,757 You two follow us. 706 00:59:52,134 --> 00:59:55,221 - We're screwed! - Not if we keep out story straight. 707 00:59:55,346 --> 00:59:58,933 We had a few beers at Gus's place, that's the end of it. Got it? 708 00:59:59,058 --> 01:00:01,602 Got it. 709 01:00:01,727 --> 01:00:03,437 Gus... 710 01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,066 - We're screwed! - Oh, come on! 711 01:00:07,191 --> 01:00:10,111 Do you think Agent Hippo is gonna figure out more 712 01:00:10,236 --> 01:00:12,863 than where to find a really great buffet? 713 01:00:12,988 --> 01:00:15,866 These abrasions on her knees and elbows 714 01:00:15,991 --> 01:00:18,369 indicate a leap from a moving vehicle. 715 01:00:18,494 --> 01:00:22,248 We can deduce that Mrs. Smalls' would-be killer 716 01:00:22,373 --> 01:00:27,211 presupposed her already dead when she was transported by automobile. 717 01:00:27,336 --> 01:00:31,048 Are you all right, Mr. Dickinson? 718 01:00:31,173 --> 01:00:35,845 Er... yeah. This is the first dead body for me, so... 719 01:00:36,929 --> 01:00:39,056 - And I drunk beers at my place. - Yeah. 720 01:00:39,181 --> 01:00:42,852 Other than the axe wound, which, judging from the angle of entry, 721 01:00:42,977 --> 01:00:46,522 came from a much shorter person, possibly a female, 722 01:00:46,647 --> 01:00:50,443 nothing here indicates any sort of fisticuffs ever took place. 723 01:00:50,568 --> 01:00:56,157 I can safely say that Mrs. Smalls' murderer can be found... 724 01:00:56,282 --> 01:00:58,284 within this very room. 725 01:00:58,409 --> 01:01:01,245 - What? - Oh! Just a figure of speech! 726 01:01:01,370 --> 01:01:06,167 What I mean to say is her body will tell me who her killer is 727 01:01:06,292 --> 01:01:09,086 after a more thorough examination. 728 01:01:09,211 --> 01:01:12,882 However, I can hazard a name right now. 729 01:01:13,007 --> 01:01:15,468 Please do. 730 01:01:15,593 --> 01:01:19,597 I'm sure it will come as no surprise that her killer 731 01:01:19,722 --> 01:01:22,224 is none other than... 732 01:01:23,601 --> 01:01:26,145 ...the Oregon Undertaker. 733 01:01:26,270 --> 01:01:30,316 Well, we all could have figured that out, Agent Hymes. 734 01:01:30,441 --> 01:01:32,735 Indeed. 735 01:02:07,353 --> 01:02:09,730 Everything's gonna be OK, sweetie. 736 01:02:18,614 --> 01:02:23,536 Hey! So, er... I guess I'll take Emily home. 737 01:02:23,661 --> 01:02:25,746 Why don't you leave her here with me? 738 01:02:27,123 --> 01:02:30,334 - Yah, but I can easily... - Goodnight. 739 01:02:32,670 --> 01:02:36,799 Wait! You're not going anywhere, little lady! 740 01:02:38,092 --> 01:02:40,511 Not without your coat. 741 01:02:49,311 --> 01:02:52,731 - Would anyone care to say something? - Just take me home. 742 01:02:53,774 --> 01:02:56,485 No way! We've got a dead cop to ditch first. 743 01:02:56,610 --> 01:03:00,698 I don't care about the cop. I don't even care about the money anymore. 744 01:03:00,823 --> 01:03:04,660 I just wanna go home and pretend this never happened. 745 01:03:04,785 --> 01:03:08,289 Yeah, it hasn't exactly been a run-of-the-mill night on the town. 746 01:03:08,414 --> 01:03:11,000 All I wanted was to take care of my family. 747 01:03:12,042 --> 01:03:17,089 OK, Charlie, the sooner we dispose of the deputy's body, 748 01:03:17,214 --> 01:03:20,759 the sooner you can get started on your pretend happily ever after. 749 01:03:20,885 --> 01:03:23,471 Now how does that sound? 750 01:03:23,596 --> 01:03:27,308 'You've reached Stu Garmen. Speak after the beep... ' 751 01:03:27,433 --> 01:03:29,101 Shit! 752 01:03:36,108 --> 01:03:40,237 Come on, sweetheart. It's time to go home. 753 01:03:52,792 --> 01:03:54,877 Oh, Charlie... 754 01:04:24,406 --> 01:04:26,909 - You're sure he'll sink in there? - Absolutely! 755 01:04:28,077 --> 01:04:30,162 - You've done this before? - Never. 756 01:04:30,287 --> 01:04:33,916 Unrefined, unheated tar has a viscosity grade of 250,000. 757 01:04:34,041 --> 01:04:36,961 So what does that mean? He won't sink? 758 01:04:37,086 --> 01:04:41,757 He'll sink. It might take a week or so, but he'll sink. 759 01:04:42,925 --> 01:04:46,470 Well... we better get started then. 760 01:05:04,822 --> 01:05:06,615 Hold it! 761 01:05:09,535 --> 01:05:11,078 You followed us. 762 01:05:11,203 --> 01:05:16,292 I figured it would be more expedient than listening to bull pucky testimony. 763 01:05:16,417 --> 01:05:19,420 I guess I was right, just like always. 764 01:05:19,545 --> 01:05:21,630 - OK... - Listen... 765 01:05:21,755 --> 01:05:26,969 Agent Hymes, you let us go and there's a million dollars with your name on it. 766 01:05:27,761 --> 01:05:31,348 You're offering a Federal agent a bribe? 767 01:05:31,474 --> 01:05:33,976 - Yeah. - Thanks, little lady. 768 01:05:35,186 --> 01:05:39,064 Gus, come over here for a second, would you? 769 01:05:42,234 --> 01:05:44,612 Tell me I'm fat! 770 01:05:44,737 --> 01:05:47,239 I was joking! 771 01:05:47,364 --> 01:05:50,910 I wanna hear you tell the fat guy how fat he is. 772 01:05:51,035 --> 01:05:53,662 I was kidding, all right? 773 01:05:54,538 --> 01:05:56,624 You might be a little on the heavy side 774 01:05:56,749 --> 01:05:59,627 but it's nothing that a few centuries jogging can't fix! 775 01:05:59,752 --> 01:06:04,089 - Argh! Sonofabitch! - I'm sorry, did that pinch? 776 01:06:04,215 --> 01:06:10,387 All right, the official version is that Gus here attacked me during an arrest. 777 01:06:10,513 --> 01:06:14,517 - And I was defending myself... - Stupid walrus... Argh! 778 01:06:14,642 --> 01:06:20,231 The official version is that Gus tripped and fell on his face during the arrest. 779 01:06:20,356 --> 01:06:25,694 OK, there's two million dollars in a bag in the car. It's all yours, just take it. 780 01:06:25,820 --> 01:06:29,615 Wow! Can you beat that? One million just became two million. 781 01:06:29,740 --> 01:06:33,619 And people said this economy would never bounce back! 782 01:06:33,744 --> 01:06:35,955 Argh! 783 01:06:40,084 --> 01:06:43,254 - Shoot him in the fucking eye! - What? Shut up! 784 01:06:43,379 --> 01:06:44,880 - Wait! - Don't move! 785 01:06:46,715 --> 01:06:49,385 - I know who you are. - What? 786 01:06:49,510 --> 01:06:55,307 I thought you looked familiar... Fellas, your accomplice is Lucy Bloom, 787 01:06:55,433 --> 01:07:00,521 AKA Lucy McJoseph, AKA Josie McBroom. 788 01:07:00,646 --> 01:07:04,775 - What are you talking about? - You're the Wyoming Widow. 789 01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:06,652 What? 790 01:07:06,777 --> 01:07:10,364 Gentlemen, the Wyoming Widow's MO is always the same. 791 01:07:10,489 --> 01:07:15,995 She seduces an unsuspecting fellow, she fornicates with him 792 01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:18,622 and then she offers up a little sip of whiskey. 793 01:07:18,747 --> 01:07:23,169 The poor sucker never lives long enough to realize that he also just drank 794 01:07:23,294 --> 01:07:25,629 highly concentrated thallium. 795 01:07:25,754 --> 01:07:29,675 You've been watching too many soap operas, Agent Hymes! 796 01:07:33,304 --> 01:07:35,723 You're not believing this crap, are you? 797 01:07:35,848 --> 01:07:40,352 They say that she always keeps her trusty flask on her person, 798 01:07:40,478 --> 01:07:44,190 just in case the next bug flies into her web. 799 01:07:44,315 --> 01:07:49,695 Oh, come on! He's just making this crap up to save his ass! 800 01:07:49,820 --> 01:07:54,992 I could have sworn I felt one inside of her coat pocket back at the station. 801 01:07:57,870 --> 01:07:59,914 Empty your pockets, Josie. 802 01:08:01,791 --> 01:08:04,335 Charlie... 803 01:08:12,968 --> 01:08:14,553 Holy shit! 804 01:08:14,678 --> 01:08:18,140 You planted this in my coat back at the station, didn't you? 805 01:08:18,265 --> 01:08:20,184 No, I didn't. I swear to God! 806 01:08:20,309 --> 01:08:22,186 This isn't mine. 807 01:08:22,311 --> 01:08:26,816 - He is lying. He is lying! - Take a drink. 808 01:08:28,692 --> 01:08:31,320 - Oh... - Take a sip, Josie. 809 01:08:39,411 --> 01:08:42,206 There. 810 01:08:43,332 --> 01:08:46,335 Are you ha... 811 01:08:46,460 --> 01:08:48,879 - Josie? - Oh, my God! 812 01:08:49,004 --> 01:08:52,758 Oh, God! Josie! Come on, spit it out! 813 01:08:56,178 --> 01:08:59,473 - You are so pathetic! - That was not funny. 814 01:09:02,893 --> 01:09:07,648 You dumb shits! I told you he was just trying to mess with us! Fuck! Fuck! 815 01:10:18,719 --> 01:10:20,805 Jesus! 816 01:10:25,101 --> 01:10:27,019 I think that belongs to Uncle Sam. 817 01:10:27,144 --> 01:10:30,272 Now hold on. We're on the same side here, Chester. 818 01:10:32,983 --> 01:10:34,944 I'm an agent too. 819 01:10:40,574 --> 01:10:44,036 - When the hell did you take that off me? - Back at the station. 820 01:10:45,830 --> 01:10:49,375 Listen, here's the thing, Gus - 821 01:10:49,500 --> 01:10:52,545 there's a friend of mine, an agent, one of the best. 822 01:10:52,670 --> 01:10:55,297 He's been protecting the innocent a long time now. 823 01:10:55,422 --> 01:10:58,217 And, well... 824 01:10:58,342 --> 01:11:00,886 he's gotten fed up with working his ass off 825 01:11:01,011 --> 01:11:04,807 for ungrateful morons who call him fatty. 826 01:11:05,933 --> 01:11:08,018 A pat on the back if things go right, 827 01:11:08,144 --> 01:11:11,063 or the stars and stripes on his coffin if they don't. 828 01:11:11,188 --> 01:11:13,274 It just doesn't cut it anymore. 829 01:11:15,484 --> 01:11:17,361 I have two million here. 830 01:11:17,486 --> 01:11:20,322 Believe when I say no one will ever claim it. 831 01:11:20,448 --> 01:11:24,326 Tell your friend there's a million for him and a million for me. 832 01:11:24,452 --> 01:11:28,789 What about two million for him and nothing for you. 833 01:11:28,914 --> 01:11:31,792 Oh, come on, Chetty! We're partners here. 834 01:11:31,917 --> 01:11:35,880 You insult me, Gus. You're not even a real criminal. 835 01:11:36,005 --> 01:11:38,507 You're just a small-time crook 836 01:11:38,632 --> 01:11:41,302 who got shot twice in the chest resisting arrest. 837 01:11:42,511 --> 01:11:45,306 Listen, I have a daughter, Thais... 838 01:11:45,431 --> 01:11:49,894 Thais. That's Greek for 'Beloved'. 839 01:11:54,106 --> 01:11:58,194 - You shot me. - That's the first true thing you've said. 840 01:12:16,378 --> 01:12:18,672 What took you so long? 841 01:12:59,463 --> 01:13:01,340 Mummy... 842 01:13:02,383 --> 01:13:05,511 It's all right, sweetheart. Go back to sleep. 843 01:13:16,814 --> 01:13:19,984 Wait! You know I can't eat this much sugar. 844 01:13:20,109 --> 01:13:22,695 You shouldn't do this. 845 01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:26,073 - Like you shouldn't have killed Gus. - Keep eating. 846 01:13:28,200 --> 01:13:31,036 Gus was a backstabber. 847 01:13:31,162 --> 01:13:34,665 He told me he was gonna kill you and make off with the money. 848 01:13:35,875 --> 01:13:40,504 That's why I killed him. I saved your life. I'm telling you the truth! 849 01:13:40,629 --> 01:13:45,342 89.9 percent of all US Government agents can beat a lie detector. 850 01:13:47,136 --> 01:13:50,181 Please... this isn't right, Charlie. 851 01:13:50,306 --> 01:13:53,017 You know this isn't right. 852 01:13:53,142 --> 01:13:56,979 - Your wife is an officer of the law. - Shut up! Shut the fuck up! 853 01:13:59,440 --> 01:14:01,734 Oh, God. 854 01:14:01,859 --> 01:14:04,904 I don't wanna die! 855 01:14:05,029 --> 01:14:07,907 I don't wanna die... 856 01:14:08,032 --> 01:14:11,535 Please... 857 01:14:24,548 --> 01:14:27,843 - God, we really did it, huh? - What? 858 01:14:27,968 --> 01:14:30,304 We really turned into monsters. 859 01:14:32,389 --> 01:14:34,058 Oh, Charlie... 860 01:14:38,437 --> 01:14:40,523 Oh, come on. 861 01:14:40,648 --> 01:14:43,359 I say it was worth it. 862 01:14:44,485 --> 01:14:47,655 Let's get the body in the car. It's heavy enough to sink. 863 01:14:47,780 --> 01:14:50,282 Wait... 864 01:14:50,407 --> 01:14:53,285 There's still one passenger missing. 865 01:14:58,374 --> 01:15:02,878 You said you wanted to pretend none of this ever happened... 866 01:15:04,338 --> 01:15:09,009 One sip of this... and you can kiss all your worries goodbye. 867 01:15:11,846 --> 01:15:14,765 - The Wyoming Widow? - Yeah. 868 01:15:16,934 --> 01:15:20,271 But I saw you drink it. 869 01:15:20,396 --> 01:15:23,441 Never far from my trusty flasks! 870 01:15:24,817 --> 01:15:26,277 - Brilliant. - Yeah! 871 01:15:26,402 --> 01:15:30,573 After all, I was Miss Teen Wyoming. 872 01:15:31,574 --> 01:15:36,036 Now, Obviously I can't let you go and risk having you report me 873 01:15:36,162 --> 01:15:41,041 and, fuck, two million does sound a heck of a lot nicer than one million! 874 01:15:42,126 --> 01:15:45,129 - You were right, Penny. - What's that? 875 01:15:46,297 --> 01:15:49,258 Penelope always said money won't make you rich, I just... 876 01:15:49,383 --> 01:15:52,011 I just didn't believe her. 877 01:15:53,471 --> 01:15:57,099 You do seem like a genuinely decent guy, Charlie. 878 01:15:57,224 --> 01:16:01,061 - I'm real sorry I gotta do this. - You don't have a choice, do you? 879 01:16:01,187 --> 01:16:03,856 No, I don't. But you do. 880 01:16:03,981 --> 01:16:08,277 You want me to shoot you or you want to go for the whiskey? 881 01:16:11,489 --> 01:16:13,574 What did Hymes say you used? 882 01:16:13,699 --> 01:16:17,286 Concentrated thallium. Much quicker than cyanide. 883 01:16:24,168 --> 01:16:26,378 Any last words, Charlie? 884 01:16:29,381 --> 01:16:31,467 Don't spend it all at one place. 885 01:16:33,010 --> 01:16:34,887 What? 886 01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:49,944 What? What? 887 01:16:50,069 --> 01:16:52,196 What? 888 01:16:55,157 --> 01:16:59,036 No! 889 01:16:59,161 --> 01:17:01,997 What the fuck? 890 01:17:02,123 --> 01:17:06,919 Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck! 891 01:17:34,196 --> 01:17:38,367 'Charlie, Penelope and Emily can't come to the phone. 892 01:17:38,492 --> 01:17:40,995 'Please leave us a message.' 893 01:17:41,120 --> 01:17:44,748 'This is a message for Charlie Wood. My name is Samuel Koenig, 894 01:17:44,874 --> 01:17:48,836 'I'm Senior VP of Barstow Publishing Self Help Division here in Seattle. 895 01:17:48,961 --> 01:17:52,089 'Listen, I'm calling in regards to this book you sent us, 896 01:17:52,214 --> 01:17:54,800 "'Build A Better Brain And Beat The Big Nothing." 897 01:17:54,925 --> 01:17:57,011 'It seems to me like it's a no-brainer! 898 01:17:57,136 --> 01:17:59,638 'Seriously, though, we have an offer for you. 899 01:17:59,764 --> 01:18:01,974 'We think you'll be happy with it. 900 01:18:02,099 --> 01:18:05,227 'Please call me back at your earliest convenience... ' 901 01:19:08,541 --> 01:19:10,835 - Hi. - Hi. Where you headed? 902 01:19:10,960 --> 01:19:15,047 - As far away from here as possible. - That one we could do for you. 903 01:19:16,590 --> 01:19:19,510 This must be my lucky day. 904 01:19:22,847 --> 01:19:25,766 Er... let me just double-check something. 905 01:19:43,117 --> 01:19:45,870 - All set. - All righty! 906 01:20:46,138 --> 01:20:48,224 And... action. 907 01:20:50,601 --> 01:20:53,729 Again. 908 01:20:54,939 --> 01:20:58,067 Again. 909 01:20:59,568 --> 01:21:02,696 And... again. 910 01:21:05,991 --> 01:21:09,078 Thank you. 911 01:25:02,937 --> 01:25:05,022 - Argh! - I got him!